#I thought of attempting to write a novel in my third language

[yourgranpasteeth]

Writing in your second or even third language messes with your confidence so bad. The flow just isn't the same.

[senualothbrok]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you so much for the tag @optimisticgrey <3 I've been saving this one up; any chance to yap about my fics (especially when I'm on a downer about my writer) is so appreciated!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

26

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 142,787

3) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Unsurprisingly most of these are smutty, haha...

The Difference - Gale isekais into Mia's life in modern Britain

Words - Gale eating out smut

A Tight Fit - You and Gale are trapped in a too-small space

Mortal Pleasures - Gale blow job smut

A Show of Love - Loving on Gale smut

4) What fandoms do you write for?

Baldur's Gate 3. I find it hard to balance fanfiction with my original novel so I am steering clear of writing for any other fandoms for now. Two of my attempts at writing a novel have already imploded because I got distracted by writing Gale fic... I am determined to manage this third attempt!

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Of course! I am just so grateful whenever people take the time to give feedback and share how they feel about my fics. I also have made genuine friendships through AO3 comments, so they are priceless to me!

6) What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Prayer and Absolution - in which both God Gale and Tav move on from their relationship. It's the saddest thing I've written. The rest of my fics are generally angst/hurt with a happy ending (or 'happy' ending involving closure and resolution).

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

For me, personally, I think it's Promise (though there is a good argument for many of my others). Promise ends with Gale and Aurora's very fluffy wedding, after a long struggle with mental illness. Happy tears, ugh...

8) Do you get hate on fics?

I am very fortunate in that I have not. The only hate I have received was from an AI troll bot, which accused me of using AI to write my fics. The irony of this is exquisite.

9) Do you write smut?

Yes, and those are by far my most popular works. I also think of smut as the ultimate writing challenge. It is extremely difficult!

10) Do you write crossovers?

No, but what I wouldn't give for a good Arcane and BG3 crossover OMG. I am not volunteering to write this because that would be goodbye to my original novel...

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge! But I am well aware of this risk, given that I have published my stuff on a free and open site.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, not to my knowledge.

13) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No, I haven't. Closest I've come is beta-ing.

14) What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Gale x Tav. I am a simple Galemancer with simple Galemancer tastes. I love seeing all the different Tavs and their different dynamics with Gale.

15) What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The WIP I desperately want to finish is my original novel. I sometimes doubt I will but I try to shove those thoughts to the back of my mind.

16) What are your writing strengths?

People tell me that I write poetically and in an emotive way. I try to put my heart and soul on the page, so that people can connect and resonate with that. I think many people do.

I like to focus on characters and relationships. I have had feedback that I am good at writing these realistically and powerfully.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

I am a slow writer, and my output can be sporadic. My stories are more character and relationship driven, so sometimes plot can be light (not much happens in the way of external events, there aren't many dramatic twists and turns in the sense of adventure). I am not immune to repeating the same motifs and turns of phrase (re-reading fics comes with this humbling realisation). My works are generally heavy in tone, so if you like lighter rom-com vibes, I fail at that.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

Ooh I've never done this before! But it could be cool, so long as it is translated and understandable to the reader.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Slam Dunk, a manga/anime by Inoue Takehiko. That was over 20 years ago, wow...

20) Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

What a question.

I think I peaked with The Difference, so I have to mention this. But my favourite thing I've ever written (in my life) is probably My Tulpa, though it's not technically a fic, more of a confessional.

Tagging (with no pressure): @astarioffsimpmain @sorceresssundries @auroraesmeraldarose and anyone else who wants to play!

[breserker]

Hey! Can you please tell me about these books? You got titles? I really wanna do 12 year old me a favor and read them.

omg yes absolutely

so i ended up only reading about 2.5 of the 3 books of the Machiko Noguchi saga, published 1994 - 1999, these are what the first AVP movie is taking from in some form (although they're more set in the Alien timeline of future space travel instead of modern day like the movie) but the first book is still near and dear to my heart. The good two are written by Steve Perry and daughter Stephani Perry, whomst! by the way! If you're familiar with the Resident Evil novels, SD Perry is Stephani Perry here!

This book is the one you wanna read, it's a closed story and rewired my brain chemistry: Aliens vs. Predator: Prey, 1994.

(Thriftbooks link, although I bet you can find it for even cheaper?)

This first book stays with me even if I'm not directly thinking about it; around the same time I read it I had DigimonWorld Dusk for the NDS and I got a friend to get Dawn so I could have best boy Guilmon, and I named him after the main Yautja character Dachande. Ever since with Digimon games, Dachande is the name I give my Guilmon. This book is great because it's told from both Machiko's perspective and Dachande's, so you see a glimpse into Yautja society and thought/language as well as how Machiko saw them. I haven't read it in years but it was formative stuff.

The second book, Hunter's Planet, was by a different author in the worst way and it shows; not only was the plot like, weirdly dumb in a modern failed attempt at a blockbuster way but the second book was my first run-in with like "An editor should've caught that" type mistakes in mass published stuff. It's because of this book that when I write a sequence of a lot of dialogue without tags/noting who is speaking I go back and comb through it because, personality aside, the author of this second book David Bischoff would write long discussions between Machiko and her android buddy but it was immensely difficult to tell who was saying what because they pretty much spoke exactly the same. Kind of disappointing, imo skippable but maybe it's good in a B-Movie way now.

The third book, War, marks SD Perry's return! And it really showed from what I remember of the half that I read of it, sadly I did not finish it.

Since then I think Machiko has appeared in comic runs and is referenced in other things in the more print-world stuff rather than movies. AVP1 the movie was an iteration on Machiko's story, and I really dont' remember it being that bad of a film. I think people were upset because they interpreted the marking of the woman's face as romantic (???) instead of respect, which, to the book's credit and less the movie's, the movie didn't take its time to explain Yautja culture and probably assumed the audience would figure it out. Which, some did, but the backlash was so great that in AVP2 the Yautja, the only other sentient alien in the movie, did not interact with humans at all. Which tbh made for a worse movie! So. Y'know, happy reading!

[peachesgaeass]

Hello to anyone who reads this, I have only just started writing and am quite young, so I was wondering if you could give me some critique or pointers on how I could get better and you thoughts on this. It is my own story and I wrote it for my English assessment, I'm hoping I can someday turn this into a novel.

Layers of love

Hurried footsteps could be heard, growing louder by the second, once they stopped the door to the classroom opened, revealing the source of all the commotion. A lengthy, messy brown-haired girl dressed in baggy, green camo pants and a black, plain oversized hoodie, paired with her black converse.

"Ah!" Said the science teacher, making the girls attempts to sneak in futile. "So glad you could make it Lyra. what is it, your third time this week?" She continued dryly.

"Go sit down." Sighed Ms. Kumin as she gestued to the seat next to a strawberry-blonde girl adorned in gold jewellery and dressed in a frilly, pink chemise paired with ripped, skinny jeans. Both Lyra and the girl physically cringed as she took her seat.

"Now, as i was saying 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 Ms. Lanturn rudely interrupted us, your next chemistry assignment will be done is pairs." Loud murmers erupted from the class.

"Hang on. Before you pick your partners, you should know that 𝘐 will be picking you partners." The whole class sighed with disappointment.

"Yes, yes, I know that you hate me, but calm down."

Ms. Kumin called out the class, pairing up students.

"Lyra Lanturn and Minara Pahres."

the two shot a quick glare in the others direction. Despite neither having shared a conversation, they both hated eachother with a passion. Minara hated her because of the rumours that surrounded Lyra, whereas Lyra hated Minara because she was apart of the popular clique, and she hates those gits as a whole. The two girls sat in silence for the rest of the class, the tension between them thick enough to cut with a knife.

The bell rang, signalling the end of class. Minara, eager to leave, grabbed her stuff and started to leave the classroom, while Lyra stayed behind, taking her time, being in no rush to get to second period.

……….——_——……….

It was the final class of the day. Minara placed her books down next to a brunette girl, who was gazing out the window ready for class. Once she realised who it was, she made her attempt to move, but was foiled by their strict, language teacher Mrs. Tinpern entering the class, practically screaming at everyone to sit back down.

Lyra was at her wits end. Minara's constant bombardment of questions and confusion on the subject to the teacher made her question why this clueless prissy princess was even in AP Latin, and if the yapping of this pomeranian would be more pleasant with it's lips duck taped together, and with Lyra becoming more irritated as time passed, the thought became more pleasant by the second.

Neither of the girls muttered a word to eachother throughout the lesson, not even trying to hide their distaste for one another.

Minara was now taking notes from the board while Lyra, having already finnished, was looking out the window like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"so... Berry?.." Lyra started hesitantly, still gazing out the window with her head in her hand.

The usually silent, grouchy brunette's words piqued the strawberry-blonde's interest, though mildly offended by the nickname, lifted her head from her notetaking.

"yours or mine?" The brunette asked.

"Huh?" Answered Minara in a slightly shocked, yet irritated voice, not understanding what she meant by that vauge question.

"Whose house are we studying at?!" Lyra specified, with a harsh side eye paired with her signature aggressive tone, mainly because of Minara's tone more than how she didn't understand. She wouldn't expect Berry to understand anything since she's so stupid.

………——_——……….

To call the bus ride to Lyra's place awkward would be a huge understatement, while both girls were sitting in the back they made it their mission to stay as far away from each other as possible, practically plastered to the glass, neither saying a word.

Lyra's home was of standard size. The back yard was littered with balls, bats, shoes and dog toys, along with an old, faded, red and yellow plastic slide.

"Why didn't we go through the front?" Minara asked quietly to no one in particular, afraid that if Lyra would hear her and get offended.

"Because the gate is broken." She spat with venom.

"Oh... okay." Minara swallowed.

"I'm home!" Called the brunette, a smile slowly etching on her tan, freckled face as the pitter-patter of tiny footsteps answered her call. Seven kids all with the same dark, messy brown hair she possesed, burst out of the hallway like a stampede, and tackled her in a hug. Minara couldent help but smile at the joyous family before her. The genuine smile on Lyra's face as she talked to her younger siblings, left the strawberry-blonde feeling nothing but guilt for the way she treated her, for believing the rumours and not actually getting to know the girl herself.

The 'study' session in question consisted less of actual studying and more of constant bickering, mockery, yelling and constant inturuptions by nosey siblings and worried parents.

Over the next couple of weeks Lyra would ask the simple question, 'your's or mine?', it was asked every now and then at first but slowly became more frequent, and tollerable, as time went on. over this period Minara had built a bond with with the Lanturn family. When she would come over, she would help with the cooking and cleaning, or play and carry-on with the kids and dog in the backyard with constant sounds of laughter dancing in the air.

……….——_——………..

Lyra was laying on her bed, looking down at the phone, waiting for Minara to get out of the shower. It was the strawberry-blonde's first sleepover, having strict parents makes that kind of a given, but they were out of town, so Lyra asked her perents if she could stay the night.

Minara entered the room, having finished her shower, her wet hair clinging to her bare neck, droplets of water dripping down the pale features of her face with a faint blush dusting her cheeks.

"The shower's ready." Minara said, making her pressence known, the brunette looked up from her phone, the strawberry-blonde having caught her attention.

"Lye?" She questioned Lyra, who didn't respond, just staring blankly at Minara.

"Lye." She repeated, waving her hand infront of the brunettes face. Snapping the girl out of her trance.

"Yeah?" Lyra asked, jumping slightly at their close proximity.

"I just said the shower's ready." Responded Minara, chuckling at her friends reaction.

"Oh okay." Replied the brunette, slightly flustered as she felt her friends minty breath fan her face.

"Oh! Right, I forgot." Exclaimed Minara.

Lyra looked at the Strawberry-blonde, waiting for her to continue.

"There's a party on friday. Do you... um... want to go with me?

"Sure. I don't see why not." Lyra Shrugged casually, though internally screaming at the thought of going to a party with her.

For the rest of the night they watched movies and snuggled under the sheets.

……….——_——………..

It was finally the night of the party, Lyra was adorned with rings, and dressed in black, cargo pants with a loose AC-DC graphic tee. Minara accessorised with a gold butterfly necklace and earrings to match, and garbed in a pastel pink and yellow, mesh corset top and a matching asymmetrical skirt, both adorned with embroidered vines and flowers.

And just like any other teen house party, it was loud, crowded, and there was no questioning that the punch was spiked with cheap liquor.

The music boomed as people danced, dangerously close and drunk, the beams of light danced and dappled on the smoke of the fog machine. Lyra being a bit tipsy, now on her third drink, went outside and took a sip as she leaned against the wall by the pool, keeping a distance from the rowdy teens. Minara spotted the brunette leaving and approached her, occasionally losing her footing.

“Why aren’t you dancing?” Lyra nonchalantly asked the strawberry-blonde girl.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Minara retorted.

“Don’t feel like it.” Lyra deadpanned.

“Well too bad.” Minara stated, dragging the brunette to the dance floor.

Everything from then on, felt perfect. After a few more drinks, Lyra became more willing to socialise and dance, savouring these joyous moments with Minara.

The two girls swayed to the music, the strawberry-blonde’s arms draped around the taller brunette’s shoulders, who was holding onto her waist, her head resting in the crook of Lyra’s neck. All sounds seemed to drown out, the only thing to be heard was the sound of each others steady breathing and the rise and fall of their chests, in that moment, all they felt was… serenity. Minara lifted her head to look at Lyra, only to find the girl’s eyes already looking at her, with a gentle gaze, full of adoration. Each other’s eyes locked together, in Minara’s semi drunken state, she gave into the impulse, closed her eyes, and placed a soft kiss on the brunette’s lips. Feeling Lyra stiffen, she quickly pulled away, but taken aback moments later when the sensation of Lyra’s lips crashing into hers welcomed her senses. The kiss was filled with passion, slow, but with it you could feel all the emotions she conveyed through it, love, compassion, longing and more. They pulled away from the kiss breathless, meaninglessly gazing into each other’s eyes, goofy smiles on their faces.

Minara grabbed Lyra’s collar and pulled her into another kiss, this one was different, it was rough and full of lust. Lyra’s hand drifted from the strawberry-blonde’s waist to tangle in her hair, deepening the kiss, while the other drifted to her ass, and squeezed it, earning as gasp from the girl and took it as an opportunity to stick her tongue in her mouth. Minara’s hands had found their way into the brunette’s hair, tugging on it, earning a slight groan in return. Lyra moving away from Minara’s lips, biting the girl’s bottom lip in the process, moved down to her neck, kissing down it, then working up until she found the pulse near her jawline, and sucked it, being awarded by a soft, breathy moan coming from the shorter girl’s lips. She grabbed Minara’s hips and tugged them, bringing her closer, and bit down on the joint between her neck and shoulder, causing Minara’s nails to dig into her back mewling at the sensation.

“Fuck.” Lyra muttered under her breath, finding the action really hot, squeezed her ass with both hands in hopes to earn the same reaction. Minara gasped at the her sudden change of demeanour, lust.

“Let’s bring this to my place.” The strawberry-blonde whispered in the brunette’s ear nibbling on her earlobe.

Minara didn’t know what tomorrow will bring, but one thing she knew for certain is that she will love this girl till the day she dies.

[dwollsadventures]

Magnus Chase Project Idea

The next thing for my list of projects is something a little closer to home and achievable, but also perhaps less anticipated. 

Percy Jackson was the first series of novels that I ever read of my own volition. It instilled a love of reading and appreciation of mythology that continues to this very day. When I heard that Riordan was going to be writing a series based on Norse mythology in 2014, I was ecstatic. Unlike before, I had a basis of knowledge to draw from to prepare for the books. When the books were released and I read them though, I felt a little disappointed. I actually have a large document that I wrote back in 2017 detailing all of my criticisms, but I’ll summarize them here: 

Magnus Chase as the protagonist goes through a very well defined and meaningful character arc in the first book. It’s probably one of the only things that make him stand out from Percy Jackson, who he can sometimes read as a carbon copy of. In the subsequent two books, however, he loses everything that made him special. His identity as a peacemaker and healer, and his choice to not use Jack the sword as a weapon are all forgotten about. 

Rick Riordan’s passion for Greek and Roman history oozes out of everything he wrote for his previous books. And while he did make an attempt, the mythology presented in Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard is one of its greatest flaws. The gods of the stories are shallow, one-joke cut-outs compared to the complex parents and power players in PJO. Heimdall is the worst example. Rather than echoing themes and remixing myths, oftentimes the characters play out recreations of Norse myths word for word during the course of the story. Norse mythology has a lot of large gaps in its content, meaning that an author will almost certainly have to bridge them with their own creations at some point. Riordan chooses to do this by mixing in modern culture and folklore from the 1800’s of Scandinavia. 

This book was not the first to feature cross-overs from other Riordan books, but it is the one that leaned the most heavily on them. Annabeth’s inclusion in the first book was appropriate, but it seemed like pandering to include Percy in the last one. When reading reviews to refresh myself for writing this, a good percentage of them cried out about their insufficient screen time. 

Slavery. The mythology point above makes me the most peeved, but this one baffled me as I read the books. One of the first einherjar characters introduced is Hunding, from the Volsung Saga. In the Saga, another of the characters, Helgi, kills Hunding, and his reward for the victory is that Hunding becomes his slave in Valhalla, commanded to “of every hero / Wash the feet, | and kindle the fire, / Tie up dogs, | and tend the horses, / And feed the swine | ere to sleep thou goest”. This is present in the books, but couched in PG13 language, so that Hunding is Helgi’s “servant”. One of the main cast of characters is Thomas Jefferson (TJ) Jr., a runaway slave that died fighting in the Civil war. In the third book, one of the other main characters replays a scene from mythology where she gets a bunch of jotunn slaves to accidentally kill each other. This character then apologizes to TJ for killing the slaves and they make up off-screen. Hunding is never rescued from eternal slavery, the existence of slavery in Valhalla is never acknowledged, the end. 

So what? Why did I list all of my gripes with the series and put it under the future projects title? Well, after I wrote my laundry list in 2017, I capped it off with a “what I would do” section. I’ve never been able to get into the realm of fan fiction. But what about fan rewrites? Rewriting the book chapter by chapter with my own changes? 

The reason I haven’t done this is because, again, I don’t have a foot in the fan fiction world, and for most of my time I’ve thought that spending so much time and effort working on something like that would be a waste of my time when I could be working on my own stuff. But recently I’ve been rethinking that. Finding the motivation to work on my own Acronym Pending series is conflicting with my anxiety about perfecting it so that I don’t tear it down a month afterwards. What if working on fan fiction doesn’t trigger this response? After all, the hard work’s already been done. If I end up doing this, it will be because I can’t bring myself to work on the TDG, which is bad, but it would mean something is still getting done, even if it’s something I cannot claim as 100% my own. 

What would I do differently? Here’s a few examples:

Magnus is not a demigod. Demigods are not a big thing in Norse sagas or myths, and it links the series too much to the previous ones. 

Samirah would not be a valkyrie, but another of the einherjar. 

Valhalla and the Norse elements would not be modernized, at all. 

Hearthstone’s father would be Volundr. 

Overall, the story would be closer to a runaway tale rather than a hero’s journey. The overarching mythological theme would be focused on breaking the cycle. 

[lermisv4]

Okay, writer ask game: #7 and #13 (and if you want to do a third, #16). :)

#7 I've never liked coffee so tea it is! Well, my absolute favourite is hot chocolate though.

#13 No, nothing of the sort.

#16 ...I think it's... plot? Or rather, planning. It's hard for me to make and follow an outline of how a chapter should go, and even harder to implement it. A lot of my writing is by the seat of my pants, following a list of "stuff I want to implement in the story" that ranges from super vague like "do something about this thing" to "I want this hyper-specific scenario to happen". However, those don't necessarily amount to an original chapter outline.

My longest-lasting fanfic project - and one I abandoned for a variety of reasons - was a Novelization. An extremely faithful one. Everything from the outline to the minor details to the dialogue was already there, I felt like I was putting dates on a calendar or highlighting the colours on a pre-existing painting. I was proud of the work, and there are moments I deviated, but the point is I didn't have to come up with stuff on a large scale. The structure of the fic was pre-set by the nature of the undertaking.

Prior to that, my attempts at making an AU - something with original plot, original characters, was back when I was a teenager taken with HP crossovers, barely having a decent grasp at English (second language), and the ever-pervasive thought "I can do better". You know what they say about aiming too high.

So now that I'm back in that territory, using OCs as main characters, trying to come up with an original plot, I hit roadblocks all the time. "How do I manipulate events in a way that remains convincing and internally consistent?" I hold the principle of "let the characters be themselves" as the highest of priorities, and it works for the most part, but some factors are not dependant on the characters. And this is where I get stuck.

[just-4pple-pi3]

Silas Marner by George Eliot

Sep 1, 2024

[Spoilers ahead for Silas Marner by George Eliot]

I believe books require a particular atmosphere and mood to read in. Today was a cold cloudy day. Usually cloudy days are hot and humid here, but today was an exception. My mind has been at ease due to the weather. I was glad that I am not sick, and do not have flu and cough. Moreover, I did not have my morning class. The sleep knowing that there is no schedule the next day is comforting. Therefore, I finished Silas Marner. Yesterday, I was in the part where Silas complains about his robbery. It was sad that he lost his meaning in life for the second time. When this novel was in my syllabus i roughly read the summary only and had found it to be terribly boring. But after reading the whole of it, I'll say it is full of good vibes, this book was perfect for a day like this.

I felt that the first half was bland. I could feel that the writer perhaps first thought about the latter part of the story, which is so well-written in terms of humor, speech, thoughts. The first parts see Silas Marner from a third person perspective, but no one will be able to guess what they are getting into, whether reading this book is going to be good or bad. I found most of the detailed explanation regarding how we should feel or how the characters feel about something to be exhaustive in that the language was not understandable. I assume the purpose was to make the emotions understood as a whole, but that purpose failed in my opinion. Perhaps this purpose served during its contemporary times. In this aspect, the parts from where Silas is consoled by his neighbors for the theft and especially from the part where the 'un (baby) arrives is well-written in that, almost every aspect is understood fully. But i will say a part I found to be witty yet exhaustive is where Silas comes to put forth the charge in Rainbow after getting fully soaked in rain and we see the conversation of the people of that area. Perhaps why this part is so long and boring is exactly to bring that effect in that the neighbors are engaging in useless talks and affairs that goes on and on.

Another witty character portrayal is that of Godfrey Cass, his emotions, thoughts, and motives were well portrayed. The writing starts to get better and enough keep you hooked after Marner discovers the 'un. Overall, you can definitely trust this book to be a good read full of good vibes that will leave your heart fuller towards the end, I can assure you of that.

Did you know that George Eliot is actually female? Her actual name is Mary Ann Evans. In that era, in the 19th century, women authors were still not free from prejudice about their writings, deemed to be "too emotional". She wanted her publishes to be judged solely based on their literary merit and not with biasness, which is why she took up the pen name.

September the 1st is also world letter day. I was thinking of writing letters to the few friends of mine. I pondered abt what to write, how to make the envelop and the letter exceptional and creative, what gifts should i give. I might attempt to gift handmade bookmarks. I'll share here if I do. It has been a long time since I did arts and crafts.

~Just Apple Pie. Really gotta make some apple pie someday.

[spencerreidswhore187]

Checkmate (Part Three)

By @spencerreidswhore187 for @sackofpissandshit

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five

Summary: Spencer finds out that reader is not who he thought they were. (Lots of angst)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Unsub (g!n) Reader

Word Count: 2.6K

TW: Death, kidnapping, mentions of assault, hospitals, strong-ish language and Frank Kafka

A/N: Hi! Thank you to everyone who liked, commented, reblogged and followed Checkmate (Part one and two), it means the world to me. I ate like six Wispa chocolate bars (the superior chocolate) whilst writing this and I swear I have never typed so fast. I also, finally, proof read so yay!

“Reid-”

“You can’t stop me, Emily,” Spencer said, pulling the tubes out of his arms, indifferent to the pain, “I need to see them. I will see them.”

JJ tried to persuade him “This isn’t a movie or one of your novels, Spence please, y/n tried to kill you. You cannot see them.”

It was silent, the team avoiding making contact with Spencer and his bloodshot eyes and dishevelled hair. He looked insane when he spat “Don’t say their fucking name, I am going. We all know they won’t talk to anyone else.” You would have grinned, were you there. Spencer could have sworn he saw you throw your head back and laugh in the corner of the room. It was an ironic twist of fate, the way you’d both reacted to the truth. You had become soft and timid - growing a conscience and your Spence had grown twisted and harsh. 

Spencer hated himself for it but he wished you were with him.

Emily stood dumbfounded, she did not know what to expect when Spencer awoke but surely it was not this. This was not Spencer. Is this what love does to someone, she wondered.

Spencer was unrecognisable as he walked towards the exit of the monotonous hospital room, his face unreadable. Emily recalled the way it used to light up whenever your name was mentioned. 

Spencer paused in the doorway, looking over his shoulder, “

Emily would let him go - against protocol, or not - they both knew that. 

They needed you to talk and the only person you would speak with was Spencer.

——————————————————————————-----------------

Agent David Rossi slammed his hands against the tables in frustration, “We know what you did, y/n. We have evidence,” you made no move to speak, “ you can either make a deal with us and tell us who you are working for or spend the rest of your life rotting in a cell.” 

Tara and Rossi took turns trying to interrogate you but you weren’t listening, you had forced yourself into the corner of your mind, reliving your favourite memories in a futile attempt to dull the throbbing pain in your heart.

It had been three years, eight months, two weeks and one day since you met Spencer Reid. You’d had left a meeting with Ben, black and blue because you had refused to kill a group of children whose worst crime had been staying up past their bedtime, and had gone straight to August.

August had been your first love and your third kill. When Ben had found out about them he had forced you to slit his wrists. 

You rested your head against his gravestone, crossed-legged and book in hand. It was late and you were exhausted but you could not bring yourself to leave - perhaps it was pure stubbornness: everyone had always left you so out of spite, you refused to leave them. Or maybe it was fate. If you had left you never would have met Spencer. 

“Yours,” You had read aloud, “now I'm even losing my name - it was getting shorter and shorter all the time and is now-”

“Yours,” a tall, brunette stranger interrupted. He was beautiful; he looked like you, broken. Alone might as well have been tattooed on his forehead. The stranger raised the book in his hand and you recognised the cover:

“Letters to Milena,” you had smiled. It was the same novel resting in your lap. He wore a matching smile on his face, it looked like the first time he had smiled in a while, it was certainly the first time you had.

He sat down at the grave next to August’s, the stone read ‘Maeve Donovan’. 

You extended your hand, “Y/N L/N. Hi.”

He took your cold hand in his, it was much larger but fitted in yours so comfortably, “Spencer Reid,” he replied. 

That night you talked for hours in the graveyard, eventually forgetting the reason you were both there to begin with.

When you got up to leave and return to the real world, he had grabbed your wrist, releasing it immediately and apologising profusely, a jolt of electricity had run up your arm, “I, er, maybe we could go out sometime…together…like an, um, date?” 

You had grinned, feeling alive for the first time in years. At that moment you weren’t Y/N, The Phantom Menace, you were just Y/N, someone who at long last believed in hope. 

You’d been alone in the dull interrogation room for around an hour when the door at last creaked open; there he stood. 

Spencer’s breath caught in his throat - how could you sit there looking so beautiful, like something he’d never seen. Perhaps you were a fallen angel, a plague on mankind. That’s the only explanation Spencer could concoct that would validate how someone as deadly as you could look so heavenly. 

He wanted to grab hold of your chin and press his lips against yours, he wanted to feel the warmth of your body pressed against his. This endless loop of thoughts made Spencer feel sick, he forced himself to remember who you are and what you’ve done. It didn’t matter though. 

You watched him analyse your face, maybe you were delusion or maybe he still cared and was checking to see whether you were hurt. Whether you were okay. You weren’t, neither of you were. 

You didn’t say anything as he slowly approached the steel table you were handcuffed to. You didn’t say anything as he took a seat across from you. You didn’t say anything as he reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. 

Soon the silence became unbearable for Spencer.

“You tried to kill me,” he whispered. 

You didn’t know how to respond. You hated that things would never be the same; you missed the way you would lie in bed and talk for hours, the mornings where you would drape yourselves across the sofa and race each other to finish the crossword first. 

“I’m sorry,” you replied, hesitantly. 

“That’s not good enough.” 

A tear, a lone bead, trailed down your cheek. You hated he could see you cry, you yearned to wipe your sorrows away. 

“Why are you here, Spence?”

He scoffed, “Oh, are we back to Spence now? When will you stop playing these games, y/n? You won. Is that what you want to hear,” his voice slowly raised into a shout, “Checkmate. You broke me.”

Spencer closed his eyes tightly, remembering how Garcia had told him you were the one who made the call. 

 “I need you to explain something to me.”

“Anything,” you breathed. 

“Tell me what you meant by ‘the men who kidnapped me.’” 

“Spencer-”

“Tell me,” he glowered, “and then we are done. You won’t ever have to see me again.” 

You choked back a sob, you had been injured, nearly killed, countless times by countless people but nothing hurt like this. Spencer ignored the tears streaming down your face and the way your voice shook as you finally spoke, it was so convincing and he knew if he let himself believe it, there would be no turning back. 

“When I was eight years old, I was walking home from school. My parents, well, they weren’t home much but it was my birthday and they had promised me that there would be this huge cake and lots of presents. I was so excited. I don’t know why. I was five minutes away from the house when a van pulled up beside me and these two men grabbed me and drove off. 

“They used to laugh at me. They would drink and stare at my tied-up body making jokes about how my parents told the police to stop looking for me after just a few hours of looking. They would tell me how easily I could be found if someone actually cared about me. 

“After a few years, they got bored of me and made me run errands for them. At first, it was drugs and then they would make me steal, rob small shops. If I didn’t then they would, um…” Spencer stared at the surface of the table, he didn’t think he’d be able to stop himself from uncuffing you and then escorting you out of the FBI building if he did.

You continued, “It was easier to do what they said. I thought that if they let me go far enough, maybe I would get caught. Anything…anything would have been better than being with Aidan and Steven Keith. At least that’s what I thought.” 

Spencer’s mind was racing with a thousand possibilities. He hates it when you cry, he hates it when you’re hurt, he sat frozen, not knowing what to do. 

“They got in, um, trouble with Be-the leader of this local gang. Some drug deal gone wrong I think. They tried to trade me as a gesture of good faith - I was seventeen. I killed Steven and thought I had escaped but they found me in an alley. 

“They started training me to be an assassin, sending me out to do their dirty work. I didn’t want to, at first, I swear it, Spencer. But then it became a way to disassociate. When I held that little blade I became a completely different person, it was the only way I could survive. I wanted to escape but I couldn’t get away from him.” Him? 

“And then…I met you.” 

Spencer remembered the day you brought him back to life in that graveyard. It had been two weeks since Meave died and he wasn’t sure what he expected when he went to visit her for the first time but it sure as hell wasn’t you. You were mesmerising. 

“After our second date I told, um, him that I was done. I told him I had money, I tried to give him everything in exchange for my freedom - a life with you, Spence, would have been worth it. He wouldn’t let me, though. We ended up meeting less and less frequently and I managed to convince him that there were worse ways to ruin his enemies' lives than death. 

“I thought I was done. I was happy, we were happy; I foolishly believed we could lead a normal life. 

“He told me five more people and then I was done. I did the jobs without hesitation, it’s not like they didn’t deserve it. 

“It was supposed to be our last meeting, earlier,” you weren’t aware of what time it was anymore, the hours just rolled into one another, “and he revealed my loving boyfriend had lied to me. That you were a profiler for the FBI. He didn’t give me a choice, I had to…I had to kill you.” 

Spencer couldn’t breathe. He forced himself to inhale, hold, and then exhale. He had more questions he needed answering. 

“So you did not kill Sheppard, Daugherty, Smith, Chen or that bastard Keith?”

“No.”

“Why should I believe you? Why should I believe anything you say?” He did know why he was being so harsh. It was like Spencer had become two different people and he was standing mute watching this cruel figure shout at the love of his life. He wished more than anything that you could just stop loving someone, and turn it off like a switch. Spencer feared he would love you forever. 

Mirroring your conversation earlier, he asked: “How did they end up dead then?” 

“I told you before, I don’t know.”

‘Then think!” 

“I can’t-shit.” The realisation hit you like a ton of bricks. It was Ben. He had lied to you - every life you thought you had spared, you had been wrong. He had been playing you the whole time. Perhaps you were a pawn after all. 

Spencer seemed to come to the same conclusion as you. 

“It was him, wasn’t it,” he asked.

There was no point lying, he knew your tell, you knew that, “yes.”

“What’s his name.” 

“I can’t-”

“I won’t let him hurt you y/n, sweetheart. If he comes after you, if he touches a hair on your pretty little head, I will kill him. And…I will sleep well.” He knew that it made him a hypocrite and no better than you but he didn’t care. The thought of someone hurting you made him feel nauseous. 

You whispered, “Ben. His name is Ben.”

With that, Spencer got out of his chair and went to open the door. He heard your voice call his name “Spence” from behind. 

He paused but he could not bring himself to turn around and face you.

You continued anyway, “Spencer, Spence, I wish the world were ending tomorrow. Then I could take the next train, arrive at your doorstep in Vienna, and say: ‘Come with me,’” Your voice cracked, you couldn’t disguise your sobs as you watched Spencer. “‘We are going to love each other without scruples or fear or restraint. Because the world is ending tomorrow.’ Perhaps we don’t love unreasonably because we think we have time or have to reckon with time. But what if we don't have time? Or what if time, as we know it, is irrelevant? Ah, if only the world were ending tomorrow. We could help each other very much.” 

You hoped Spencer would come back, you foolishly hoped he would hold you but you should have known by now that hope is a myth, a horrid, twisted lie. 

‘I love you, still. Always,” you promised the vacant room.

As he, at last, left the interrogation room, Spencer’s facade slipped - his composition crumbled. Heartbreaking, he leant against the door. He was exhausted from pretending that he didn’t care. As the tears started spilling down his cheeks, Spencer slid down the wall, drawing his knees up to his chest. Harsh sobs echo down the corridor. 

Why was it always him? Why couldn’t he live a perfect life for once - it didn’t even have to be perfect, it just needed you. 

By the time Spencer heard the voices of Emily and Rossi in the distance, he had already decided. He was going to find this ‘Ben’ and he was going to destroy him for what he did to you. 

—————————————————————————————————---

Ben scrubbed at the blood that stained his knuckles, intently watching his reflection in the mirror above the sink basin. 

He didn’t look away when he heard a gentle knock at the door, “enter,” he called. 

The new girl, Beth something, walked in, twisting a dark curl around her finger. 

“What?” He demanded. 

“Y/N’s been arrested, sir,” she said, “and the agent is still alive.”

 “Stupid bitch,” Ben scoffed, turning round to face the timid girl. 

“She was foolish enough to get arrested and keep her dickhead boyfriend alive? Did she think she’d get away with it or what? I should have gutted that brat when I had the chance.” 

Ben grinned at the thought, his rotting teeth on display. Beth took a subconscious step back at the putrid display. 

“How long will her sentence be?”

“For life, Sir.”

His nasally laugh engulfed the pair, “Good. Y/N’s fallen right into my trap - it’s all going to plan, Brittney,” the destruction Ben planned to bring excited him, “Checkmate.” 

A/N: Thank you for reading! Part four will be uploaded soon ◡̈

——————————————————————————————————

If you would like to be added to the tag list comment or message me.

Taglist: @sackofpissandshit @ara-a-bird @princess-ofthe-pages @catsinaspacesuit @skull-centric

[tossawary]

Love Third Transmigrator Mobei Mom!! The comedy of the situation is so good.

Vital info though, if we can ask, would the third Transmigrator be a fan of Shang Quinhau (like casual) or another “fan” like Shen yuan?

Thank you! Honestly, my current notes have this Third Transmigrator as not really being a fan at all, because I thought that would be the funniest third option to Airplane Bro (the author) and Peerless Cucumber (#1 anti-fan). Also, I thought it suited someone in the position of Mobei-Jun's parent, from the position of Mobei-Jun not knowing WTF is going on with Shang Qinghua EVER.

My dad has spent the past year or so reading a LOT of webtoons, manhuas, mangas, whatever, and so we've had a few conversations about xianxia and wuxia and harem and isekai stuff. He says that quite a few of them seem to be based on web novels.

So, I thought it would be funny if someone (probably an actual fan of PIDW) attempted to make a graphic novel for PIDW, then some English-speaking rando reads the unofficial English translation of the unofficial graphic novel for PIDW. There are probably only 30 chapters at most and ENG Rando didn't read the last 5 because they got bored when the harem stuff continued even inside the Abyss. Luo Binghe wasn't even the Demon Emperor yet. Mobei-Jun hasn't even shown up yet, except maybe in the bonus art at the back, and ENG Rando thought MBJ was the artist's OC or something.

(Also: Chapter 13 was just Chapter 12 posted twice to the shitty online manga website for some reason. Chapter 21 and Chapter 22 were posted in reverse order. And the translators changed like six different times. The second translator was really fond of not translating some basic nouns in favor of adding a billion footnotes. The third translator kept writing/typoing Luo Binghe as "Lou Bingo" and this lasted for 10 chapters. Chapter 8 was only translated into Spanish and so Google Translate was needed. These are the problems of a foreign webtoon reader.)

ENG Rando only read this because it was listed first on the "NEWEST UPDATES!!!" list and they liked the art. And then it started to be a Sunk Cost sort of thing. Then morbid curiosity.

ENG Rando transmigrates because they died in a car crash on the way to work or something, still thinking about PIDW. Even the System was not expecting this. Neither Airplane Bro nor Shen Yuan have transmigrated yet. ENG Rando gets a kind of crappy personal System until the Senior System can work things out, and maybe this Junior System isn't even fitted with a proper English Language pack for whatever reason, so ENG Rando and their Junior System have to communicate mostly through emojis.

ENG Rando is assigned the temporary role of "Beta 2". This is interpreted by some of the characters they meet as "Beida" (which is a fanon name used for Mobei-Jun sometimes, because it's a rival university to the one Shang Qinghua's name sounds like).

Later, when MBJ is forced to introduce SQH and maybe also SQQ (Shen Yuan) to his mother and the transmigration thing is known by all three transmigrators, Airplane Bro has to suffer his future mother-in-law saying about the unofficial graphic novel of PIDW in a heavy English accent: "I was worried that I was accidentally reading hentai. You wrote 20 million words of that?"

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

First writing masterpost + navigation

Hello, and welcome to my hyperfixation cave!

I'm largely known as Moma (the first four letters of my url), but you can also call me Nico! My pronouns are she/her and I'm 26 years old.

I write - a lot (it's May 29 and I have 223 pieces, rip)- but have yet to publish my work on AO3, so all my ficlets are Tumblr-exclusive.

I take requests for fluff here, and once a month I hold a 3-emoji writing event. I also occasionally ask for writing ideas.

Thank you for visiting my blog and I hope you have fun browsing!

Second writing masterpost

Third writing masterpost (last updated: 23 June 2023 but I have written more since)

Writing tag because it takes me forever to update my masterposts: writing attempts

Other thoughts/ideas/meta/nonsense:

Novel reread

Original thots

Incorrect quotes

NSFW ideas

Paternal instincts - someone tries to hurt A-Yuan and WangXian are being murder husbands about it

What the rumors say (and what they don’t) - sequel to "Duty"

Movie scene - modern AU, very fluffy and romantic sequel to "I am here"

Shopping spree - modern AU, Wei Wuxian and the Wens go shopping and put someone in their place during it

The life we had (won't be ours again) - grief-stricken, Lan Wangji almost gives up on life. But somebody helps change his mind.

Duty - Lan Wangji is sent as tribute to convince demon king Yiling Laozu to help the cultivation world. He is successful (in more ways than one).

Unholy - WangXian modern AU based off the Sam Smith song

To build a home (a family) - the accidental Yiling Wei sect AU

Come to life - modern AU with a twist at the end, WangXian go to a Halloween party

Where do babies come from? - modern AU, the little juniors wonder where babies come from. Theories vary.

Unbearable heat - modern AU, the heating system at WangXian's apartment breaks down and they have it fixed. Poor repairman.

Let's raise a glass or two (to all the things I've lost on you) - modern AU, WangXian have a romantic dinner...?

In the cave - the cave scene but from Wei Ying's perspective

Ambitious - Mo Xuanyu crushing on WangXian, modern au

Unsent - Lan Zhan writes a love letter

Defend your honor - Lan Zhan has some wine and puts some people in their place

In cold blood - Lan Zhan saves his husband from dying

An argument changes everything - the "screaming 'i love you' while in an argument" trope with Yiling Laozu Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji desperately trying to help him

Play pretend - WangXian have a go at teacher-student role-playing. It goes... well? (sfw)

The other side - Wei Ying comforts a dying girl and very briefly talks about his time being dead

I am here - Lan Zhan receives a sad voice message from Wei Ying at 3 am and decides to do something about it

The right kind of flattery (will get you everywhere) - a Jin Guangyao character study in relation to the brothel and his manipulative ways

Flu season - Wei Ying gets the flu and is being whiny about it while Lan Zhan nurses him back to health

Closure - prequel to "Forgive me", the AU in which wangxian get together before the war and angst ensues

Mo Xuanyu's soul comes to visit Wei Wuxian and see what's been happening

Lan Xichen tells Jin Guangyao some things during the Guanyin Temple reveals

The corset - modern AU, WangXian get in an argument and Wei Wuxian decides to pull out the big guns (well, the corset).

Mind your business - Lan Jingyi is hit with a mind-reading curse and he learns things about his seniors

Your body language (speaks to me) - Wei Ying is a body language specialist analysing Lan Wangji on suspicion of several crimes. It doesn't go as planned.

WangXian are just talking and nothing bad happens, trust me

AITA for getting punched in the face? - Jin Zixuan asks r/AITA for judgement

The wedding ring - Lan Zhan comes from work to an empty apartment, Wei Ying's wedding ring on the kitchen counter and a note about moving out. Assumptions are made. Modern AU

Whatever I've done, I did it for love -Granny Wen decides she needs to protect A-Yuan

Real - Lan Zhan's life is too good to be true... or not + angst ending (added oct. 8th)

Not ours - WangXian talk about falling out of love

Not like you - JGY leaves the brothel...the brothel doesn't leave him though

Grey - modern AU, Wei Ying gets in a car accident and Lan Zhan suffers about it, with a plot twist at the end

Forgive me - JGY finds a letter in the Yiling Patriarch's notes (AU in which WangXian got together before the war)

Yu Ziyuan returns in time to "fix" everything

Sharing music - modern au, wangxian share earphones

Cynophobia - n., a pathological fear of dogs - Wei Ying tells Lan Zhan why he's so afraid of dogs

Hanguang-Jun, we shrunk Wei-qianbei! - Wei Ying goes to a nighthunt with the Lan juniors and... returns. Somewhat.

33 strikes - A look into Lan Wangji's thoughts as he receives his punishment

MDZS Social Media Headcanons

Dark Lan Sect AU in which Lan Wangji has all his memories of Wei Ying wiped clean (or does he?)

Beach days - Modern AU, Wei Ying takes A-Yuan to the beach and they meet a kind (and hot) stranger

Pictures on a page - Lan Zhan makes sure he never forgets what Wei Ying looks like after he died

Lan Zhan doesn't get Straight People Jokes™️

WangXian do NOT like spiders

A-Yuan and The Chinese tradition of giving children an anklet for protection against evil

Baby fever - Wei Ying asks his husband about having kids

Nightmares in Mo Xuanyu's body

The hat - Nie Huaisang keeps Jin Guangyao's hat as a souvenir and talks to it

Immortal WangXian modern AU Wei Ying scares some poor soul out of flirting with him

A different ending for Qin Su

An old lady predicts WangXian two decades before it happens and gets to say 'i told you so'

The Lan Sect rule against swearing

Wei Ying time travels for 10 seconds and gives himself advice

Jealousy - Wen Ning wonders why drunk Lan Wangji had a bone to pick with him and gets an honest answer

How did you first meet? - Wei Ying tells the juniors how he met his husband + Lan Jingyi had suspicious romantic trope knowledge

Lan Zhan may be a cougar

The juniors get drunk and ponder about Jin Ling's uncles

Lan Wangji's grieving

Rainfall - Wei Ying's memories with rainy weather

Lan Zhan talks to Wei Ying about his scars after being offered to have them removed

The Bunny Tradition in the Lan sect

Syrup - AU in which A-Yuan dies and Lan Wangji has to cope with the deaths of two people he loves

Lan Xichen welcomes Wei Ying into the family with a special gift

Wei Ying dreams of his future while still in the Burial Mounds

Xue Yang talks to Xiao Xingchen

Qin Su realizes something is wrong

Wei Ying thinks about Mo Xuanyu and his death day

Jin Ling dreams of his parents

Sizhui and his memories

Wei Ying's promise to always return home from nighthunts

Dark! Lan Wangji in an AU in which Wei Ying dies in the Xuanwu Cave

Wei Ying gives life lessons on fear to the Lan juniors

AU in which Mo Xuanyu was not only evil but also able to take over his body and kick Wei Ying out

Wei Ying thinks about the 13 years he was dead

Nie Huaisang takes full and proud accountability for Guanyin Temple while it's still happening

Instead of having Lan Xichen do it, Nie Huaisang stabs Jin Guangyao himself and has an evil speech about it

Mo Xuanyu receives thanks for his sacrifice

Wei Ying and his birthdays

Lan Wangji's mornings

WangXian talk about scars...again

Lan Xichen hears the fresh gossip after Jin Guangyao's death

Lan Xichen learns to love and trust again

Jin Guangyao hears from Meng Yao and neither are happy about it

Wei Ying visits Lan Zhan the night he dies

Mo Xuanyu's body still remembers him

[lenathogwarts]

I’ll see you tomorrow (Ransom Drysdale x Reader)

Summary: You work as Ransom’s cleaner and have to deal with the outcome of one of his bad days. 

A/N: I had quite the week and got inspired by all the shit that went down these last few days - this is the result! 😂 Enjoy! ♥ (if you have any specific story requests or want to be tagged in future fics, just send me a message 😊 Likes and Reblogs are appreciated! ♥) 

Warnings: language, description of injuries and blood and Ransom being in a mood - a little bit of angst (maybe?) but it’s intended to be fluffy :) 

Word Count: 1526

Ransom Drysdale had hired you as his cleaner almost half a year ago. While it was not the most glamorous job, the generous hourly wage helped in paying your tuition fees and keeping your family afloat. Even Ransom himself had grown on you. Maybe a little too much than you would have liked to admit. 

Even though the two of you got along most of the time, he still had these days on which he hated everything and everyone. You included. On such days he had the tendency to turn mean and outright hurtful, trying to provoke everyone around him into playing his stupid little games for dominance. 

Today was such a day. You had felt the strange atmosphere the moment you had let yourself in through the back door into the kitchen. So, you fell into the routine you had developed early on: staying out of Ransom's sight and being as quiet as possible, while you made your way around the house. If you were lucky, he wouldn’t even notice you were here. However, Ransom wasn’t the only one, who had a bad day today. This morning you had awoken with terrible back pain and only a cocktail of various painkillers and the impending threat of missing a daily wage kept you on your feet. 

As quietly as possible you cleaned the rooms downstairs before tiptoeing past the closed doors to Ransom's study. You were pretty sure that he had locked himself in there, as with his worst days oftentimes came a burst of creativity. Maybe he would finally be able to finish the novel he had been working on these last several months. 

As you made your way up the stairs, the stabbing pain in your back became more noticeable once again. The painkillers were probably starting to wear off. Trying to ignore the pain, you tried to focus on the task at hand. You checked the guestrooms, but they were still untouched, so the only rooms left to clean were Ransom's bed- and bathroom. Maybe you could be finished in half an hour and finally go home. Your hopes were shattered the moment you pushed the bedroom door open. 

“Holy Shit”, you muttered underneath your breath, stepping into the room. 

You didn’t know where to start: the shards of broken glass on the floor, the ripped bedsheets and pillowcases or the innumerable feathers that once had been cushion filling and now covered every single surface in the room. Obviously, you had underestimated Ransom’s mood. Today was not just a bad day, but he was in destruction mode. 

Okay, first things first. 

There was no way, that you could get anything done if there was shattered glass everywhere. So, you started picking up the pieces, dropping them into the cleaning bucket, steadily working your way further into the room. Every time you bent down and straightened yourself up again, the pain in your back got worse. Cringing, you went on to pick up the last few shards. However, as you bent down again, something else caught your eye. Carefully, you knelt down on the floor, stretching your arm and pulled the item from underneath Ransom’s bed. 

Whatever kind of lingerie it originally had been, there wasn’t much left of it. Clearly, Ransom hadn’t been alone last night. And for a reason, you were not quite ready to acknowledge yet, it made your heartache. You threw the lingerie into the cleaning bucket – a little too forceful, as you came to notice the next second as you pulled your hand back, blood covering the inside of your palm. 

“Fuck!”, you cursed, pushing yourself to your feet and hurrying into the bathroom. Just as you reached for the sink, you slipped on a discarded piece of clothing, hitting your back on the bathtub as you crashed to the floor. For a moment you couldn’t see anything as you gasped for air. For a couple of seconds, you just sat there, trying to not let the pain overwhelm you. 

Then you tried to get up. But the moment you even made a slight movement fire seemed to erupt all the way down your spine. Clumsily you reached for the piece of clothing that had caused this whole situation in the first place and wrapped it around your bleeding hand. This way, you wouldn’t have to clean up your own blood additionally to Ransom’s entire mess afterwards. 

Tears started welling in your eyes – you weren’t quite sure if they were purely caused by pain or if your growing frustration played a part of it as well. You felt completely helpless – and it made you furious. And even though you hated the thought, there was no way in hell, that you could get out of this alone. So, the realisation of what you had to do slowly started to settle in. 

You swallowed all your pride, feelings and pain and tried your best to find your poker face, before doing the only thing that could be done. 

“Ransom!”

You called his name from the top of your lungs. Hopefully, he was still in his study and wasn’t listening to music while he was writing. Otherwise, you could be sitting here for hours. 

A minute passed by, but – no response. You shouted his name once again.  

After the third time, you could hear a door being slammed shut, followed by loud steps on the staircase. He was pissed – but Ransom’s mood wasn’t your priority right now. You braced yourself for what was to come. 

“In the bathroom”, you shouted and a moment later Ransom appeared in the doorframe, towering over you like the God of Rage. 

“What?!” Ransom snarled, looking down at you, a storm brewing in his eyes and you swallowed hard. Even though you were sure that there had been no other possibility of getting up on your own, his intimidating appearance made you doubt yourself. Maybe you should have tried harder. Not able to withhold his cold gaze, your eyes flickered to the side. 

“I can’t get up”, you whispered, embarrassed and unsure of yourself. 

“You look perfectly fine to me.”

“I fell and – I – my back, my hand”, you began to stammer, stumbling over your own words, hating how stupid it sounded even to your own ears. 

Why was Ransom the only one who could make you feel insecure about the littlest things? It wasn’t as if you were bothering him unnecessarily. You sat bleeding on his bathroom floor in which he did God knows what, with God knows whom. It was all his fault, not yours. 

You took a quick look at him, testing the waters. He would help you, wouldn’t he?  Yes, he was in a mood, but even Ransom couldn’t-

“I really have to do everything around here.”

With these words, he made his way over to you and he crouched down in front of you, bringing his face unexpectedly close to your own. 

“On three, okay?”

“Okay”, you whispered, bracing yourself. 

“One.” 

Ransom started counting, putting one of his arms around your back and the other underneath your legs. 

“Two.” You could feel how he strengthened his grip. 

“Three.” 

He lifted you with ease, holding you close against him as he carried you out of his chaotic rooms bridal style. 

For a moment, time seemed to stand still. 

“Do you think you can stand?”, Ransom asked, as he reached the hallway, ending the moment even sooner than it began. You quickly nodded, feeling your cheeks starting to burn. 

Careful, as if trying not to hurt you further, he set you down.

As soon as you were standing, the pain was back again, and you couldn’t help but grimace. 

“Shit, sorry”, he said, holding out his hands in case you needed help. 

“No, it’s okay”, you replied, taking a few steps, hoping you could walk the pain off a bit. However, after a few seconds, you had to realise that this was probably not going to work. 

Ransom stood there, his expression unreadable, but never taking his eyes off you. After a moment of silence, he asked: “Do you need a doctor?”

“No!”, you replied far too quickly. The thought of the medicals made you force yourself to stand up a little straighter. You attempted to give him a reassuring smile while hiding the true extent of pain in your eyes. “I’m totally fine!”

“Yeah. Sure, seems like it.”

“All I need is a heating blanket and maybe a bandage for this thing”, you raised your insured end, his shirt still tightly wrapped around the wound. And maybe an entire pack of painkillers, you added silently in your mind.  

Ransoms brows furrowed. He still hadn’t taken his eyes off you and deep down you had the feeling that he could tell that you were lying.

“You should go home, (Y/N).” 

Under normal circumstances, you would have refused, but today had not been normal. 

“What about the remaining mess?”

“I have three other bedrooms. I’ll find a place to sleep.”

“Are you sure?”, you asked again, just in case.

“Go. Home!”, he urged, coming closer until he towered over you. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

[tlbodine]

Things That Do (And Don’t) Sell Books (in my experience)

I’ve just finished reading this book:

I am both amused and a bit disheartened to have read the whole thing and discovered that I knew pretty much everything in it. Amused, because I guess I’ve picked up a lot of knowledge over the years. Disheartened, because it clearly has not led to me becoming the break-away success I always dreamed of. Ah well. Live and learn. 

I’m all about transparency in this business, so I wanted to talk honestly for a while about book marketing and what I’ve experienced in terms of what does and does not seem to work. I’d love to hear your thoughts, so chime in with your own experiences! 

Branding and Audience 

The first third of Burke’s book is dedicated to this aspect, and it’s an important marketing step that’s easy to overlook. The idea is basically that you can’t market a product unless it has a brand identity. To create your brand, you need to do the following: 

Identify the audience who you are trying to reach with your work, or who would be most receptive to what you’re writing

Identify your dreams and goals so you have a clear picture in mind of what you want to accomplish 

Figure out how to position yourself in such a way that you a.) stand out from the competition but b.) people can still relate to and understand at a glance

Find a way to communicate your brand consistently in terms of the language used, your aesthetic, the way you act online, and so forth. 

When it comes to brand-building as an author, I think I’ve got a bit of a corner nailed down. I at least hope to be perceived as someone level-headed, thoughtful, generally positive/empathetic and humanist, but also critical and looking deeper into the meanings of things -- all of which are traits I personally possess and which are baked in to the work I do. In support of that branding, I curate my activity online as best I can: I post things that are of a certain horror aesthetic that I feel overlaps with my own interests/style; I give writing advice and boost people in the community where I can; I wade into discourse selectively and thoughtfully; I give media reviews and analysis that I think would be interesting to like-minded people. 

The “identify the audience” part is much harder for me. I’m still honestly not sure who my ideal reader is, or where exactly to go to find my audience. At this point I’m kind of scattering crumbs of myself out into the wind and hoping it will attract people who will, in turn, be interested in the work that I do (and both willing and able to support it financially). 

Things I’ve Done With Varying Degrees of Success: 

Aforementioned blogging activities. I have slowly but steadily grown my following her on tumblr and other social media sites as well as my author newsletter on substack, but it’s not clear to what extent that following translates into book sales. My writing advice posts vastly out-perform all of my other content, but I haven’t seen compelling evidence that the people interested in my writing advice are especially interested in my fiction -- it seems to be two separate groups, with maybe a sliver of overlap. 

Content marketing with more short fiction. This seems like it should be the safest, surest way to find more readers, but it’s time-consuming and discouraging because of the discoverability cycle. My horror flash fiction posts don’t get nearly as many notes as my advice posts. My attempts to get into the big anthologies that pop up have so far amounted to little, although I do need to write more. It’s just that coming up with new ideas and writing them all the time is a lot of work, and if it’s not paying off maybe I’m still better off dedicating that work to my novels. 

Sending ARCs to book bloggers/reviewers/booktube etc. I sent out dozens, if not hundreds, of these and got next to no response. I do think part of the problem is that, at the time, I had no Twitter presence, and -- like it or not -- there seems to be a bit of cliqueishness to this aspect of the book world. Now that I’ve spent more time on Twitter ingratiating myself with the horror community, I suspect I’ll have a somewhat easier job securing blurbs and reviews at least from the people in my extended social circle. But I won’t know until I try it again. *I also know I would have greater success with this if I’d been sending paperback ARCs instead of digital. I didn’t, because the cost of buying more author copies + shipping was prohibitive. 

Author Newsletter. I maintain mine in conjunction with my Patreon account. I send a monthly news round-up, making a point of shouting out both industry news and the milestones/achievements of others in the community as well as providing what I hope to be value-added or interesting content (in the form of blog posts my patrons vote on). It does OK. I average a couple of new sign-ups per month this way and tend to hover around a 25% open rate, which isn’t terrible. But it’s not great, either, and I won’t know for sure whether any of those opens will actually yield sales at any point. 

Interpersonal relationships/community building. Hands down the most successful “marketing” thing I’ve ever done is make friends with people. My writing discord group is small but very close-knit and interacting with them is one of the genuine highlights of my day. I didn’t really make it with mercenary intentions of selling books, but it has directly resulted in sales. Similarly, there are a handful of authors from Twitter and Wattpad that I’ve developed genuine friendships with, and we buy each other’s books and support one another. This whole community aspect is extremely rewarding and I’d do it whether or not it sold books, but it’s also not exactly easy to scale. I can only maintain genuine friendships with so many people. 

Posting in reading groups. The books that allow self-promo are so saturated with it that nobody pays any attention. The good groups do not allow self-promo, unless it’s in the form of getting down in the comments and recommending a book on a per-person basis to people looking for a specific thing, and only then if you’re not being spammy. Again, this is time-consuming. You could spend your entire life in these groups, hand-selling books to these people, and maybe picking up a few sales. They do seem like a good place to identify trends, though, so they’re good for market research if not direct selling. 

Things I Have Not Done, But Which I Suspect Would Sell Books 

Paid promotions. The golden ticket for book sales still seems to be landing a BookBub promo. If you’re unfamiliar, this is where you price your book at 99 cents or free and then pay bookbub to include it in their deals newsletter. Bookbub is very popular and moves a lot of copies. Ideally, you want to set it up so that your cheap book is the first in a series, and people snap that up and then come back to read the rest. This requires you to have written a series. Also bookbub is expensive because these are premium ads. We’re talking hundreds of dollars for one ad. There are other book promos that are cheaper but don’t have the same buy-through rate. 

Ads on facebook/amazon. I’m only dimly familiar with the ins and outs of these ads. They can be relatively cheap, but the amount of visibility they have is tied to your budget -- so the more you can spend on a campaign, the better your performance will be. 

Calling bookstores/libraries and asking them to order. I should do this. I have not done this purely because I am a coward. 

I am not certain what more I can do to promote my books without spending money. 

I understand the “spend money to make money” concept, but I also understand the “I have a limited budget and cannot spend it willy nilly on things that still might not actually pay off, especially considering how expensive self-publishing is when you want to do it right.” 

...This post ended up in a much more bitter place than I meant for it to. Sorry. I’ll check in if I remember additional points that could be successful strategies. 

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Thank you for answering my question. I also have to ask, do we know for sure that BTS had no insight into Ed Sheeran's thought process with PTD? Is your point that there was no communication at all because they stated they never met in person? They are separated by a pandemic and a language barrier, yes, but that does not mean there was no exchange between them, even if it involved a third party transmitting information. I don't know the answer. Maybe none of us know? It seems a bit extreme to call the Weverse writer or any BTS members dishonest because of this. What they said isn't "laughable" from my prospective. It reflects the process of an international collaboration.

When it comes to criticism and would be critics, whether they consider PTD or any other song artistically bankrupt is a matter of individual opinion. There is no objective way of measuring artistic quality. What is artistic quality? In the words of RM on the AGUSTD track Strange:

'you think got taste? O babe, how do you know?'

Even music that has "stood the test of time" has been helped along by western cultural hegemony, institutionalized gatekeeping, sexism and racial bias. Criticism usually comes off as a judgement in value. This is why people like me get in our feelings about it sometimes. BTS are the first Asian band to achieve this level of global success so it does matter, to me, where the criticism is coming from. Over the past few weeks I have read a lot of criticism from western platforms that make judgements about authenticity, americanization and commercialism. I have never felt the need to make any kind of comment on social media up until PTD came out. It has highlighted how unable many western critical voices are to understand the outsider's perspective. I wonder, why aren't they digging so harshly into other pop acts?

Thanks for taking the time to listen.

There is no way to know for sure if BTS had an insight or not into Sheeran's thought process. What we do know is that he participated in writing a song that was then bought by Big Hit for BTS. Was he specifically asked to do it for the band? Were there other songwriters who did it and Big Hit chose the best one? That's an option. Or was the collaboration with Sheeran an exclusive job? Again, we don't know. If he actually gave a nod to what Yoongi said during 2018 Festa, I see this as a type of information that could easily be shared during the promotional interviews, but there's barely any mentions of Sheeran. BTS are following some talking points and they stick to it in interviews, which is why most of them sound the same, with a few exceptions.

For the second part of your ask, I'm going to get a bit more didactic and explain just for a bit what is the deal with criticism, judgement, and values.

I want to start by saying that criticism does not automatically have a negative connotation. Analyzing a piece of art, be it a song, novel, painting, film, that's all criticism, usually based on theory, but not always. When someone writes a review, they don't need to go really in depth, all they do is make a general assessment of what they write about and then we have the bigger, deeper side of analysis for a more nuanced piece, gathering references, what others have written, if there's something that's missing that they can provide with a new perspective. Criticism can lead to a negative judgment of value or a positive one. We should not be afraid of the word. It does not mean what people usually think it means and I believe a lot of confusion has its origins in that.

BTS are considered a global band at the moment (although I would use the word glocal), with fans all over the world, so of course there is discussion on Western platforms as well. The judgments from those platforms in regards to authenticity, Americanization and commercialism come from the fact that people were used to a certain type of music from BTS (which always had a Western influence due to the nature of K-Pop, but it was never just Western), but they saw a change in the trilogy which focused on delivering music, concept wise, closer to American imagery (PTD) and with a sound that is deemed as commercial because it sounds just like American Pop. Perhaps people can be quite harsh in how they express themselves and social media is not the place to expand on our thoughts and sometimes people post their first thought immediately, but I don't believe we should ignore it all the way. We should acknowledge it and try to understand how come there was such a reaction once we got to PTD. This is just my personal opinion, but I don't think it came out of nowhere, I think it was influenced by the fact that it was already the 3rd song in a similar fashion to what they released before (Dynamite and Butter), combined with the reasons behind it.

Now, we get to the motivation part. Of course it's important and incredible that a band such as BTS has achieved global success. I also understand that despite our feelings and opinions, the American market and the so called important awards are American. It's Western hegemony, just as you said. Do I personally agree with it? No, but it's the reality. That does not mean that we should stop and just accept it as if this is just the way things are. It's about changing the perspective. Seeing Parasite winning the Oscar for Best Picture is a moment for the film history books and an achievement, but after also winning several other awards, including the Palme d'Or at Cannes (which is a better example for promoting a more international, global cinema), then the Oscar does seem to look like a local, American award (I think this is how it was said by Bong Joon-Ho). Unfortunately, the Grammys are not the same, they are still considered the ultimate goal for musicians and for an Asian act to win, it would be huge.

American culture is not the center and the rest is a periphery. It was thought to be so, but there are so many attempts made, especially through criticism, to move away from it. I want to borrow a concept from Dudley Andrew which talks about an atlas of world cinema which could help us move away from hegemonic tendencies, to not look at a center that influences all others, but we should look at influences from different time periods or different places. Perhaps we could use this when we talk about music in global terms. Unfortunately we're not there yet.

I hope I explained a bit better my own perspective on why there is an aversion when people judge the songs because they sound too ''American''. Of course, not everyone has the same thoughts as me, but this is how I try to make sense of it.

There's a lot to talk about this, and your questions are relevant and worthy of further discussion, but for now, I leave it here.

When it comes to criticism in general, I will expand on it, as I said from the beginning, so it becomes a bit more clear what I mean by it when I use the word.

[arowrimo]

AroWriMo Week 4 Roundup

It’s the end of the last week of AroWriMo, and time to put all the great works in one place. Read through the other submissions, and support the writers where you enjoy their content!

Play/Script

Leaving: A (very) Unfinished Stage Play by charcharcharace (blogspot)

Post, direct link (blogspot) Summary: A fractured personal narrative on entering and leaving an unhealthy relationship and the pain of being aromantic without that knowledge. Word Count: 1200 Theme: Humanity Language: English Genre: Personal CW: Depression, manipulation, unhealthy romantic relationship, processing self-blame

Novels/Novellas

Oh, the truth shall set you free by @amanita-cynth

Summary: “I know exactly four things about Alway.” She said wryly. “She’s 23, a genius, she keeps at least three feet between her and other people at all times, and she can root out the truth like nobody else.” Of course, coming from another profiler, such an assessment carried a lot of weight. Eden Alway, the newest member of an FBI profiling unit, is odd even by their standards. But as they begin to pry more into her life and struggle with some of what they find, her past is racing to catch up with her and drag them into the storm that was her life. Featuring misunderstandings, odd behaviour, the constant problems of amatonormativity, and a rapidly escalating series of bizarre problems that they are in no way qualified for but definitely isn’t magic. Word Count: 11000 Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships, Self-reliance Theme: Fantasy Language: English Genre: Crime, portal fantasy CW: Romance, Violence, Gore, amatonormativity, religious imagery, mild body horror later on, currently a WIP

Lyrics

Embers by @clad-in-sunshine​ (Wordpress, Twitter)

Post, Direct link (tumblr), Direct link (wordpress) Summary: I’m terrible at picking titles. But I have been enjoying writing songs, and this is one I wrote for AroWriMo and the Valentines theme of ‘Love, Romance and Friendship’ at my local folk club. The middle part is entirely uninteresting to me, so this is more about love and friendship than anything else, and the various forms that can take. The tune is called 'Midnight on The Water'. Word Count: 479 Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships, Self-reliance Language: English Genre: Singer/songwriter, Folk

Comics/Zine

My Aro Heart: A Zine by charcharcharace (blogspot)

Post, Direct link (blogspot) Summary:    A short zine about loving the aro community. Word Count: 50 Language: English Genre: Zine CW: Love (non-romantic)

Flash Fiction

Self-Reliance by 27twinsister (Ao3)

Post, direct link (Ao3) Summary: Tsubasa likes to be alone. The note contains my headcanons for Tsubasa and what the words mean.  Word Count: 161 Prompt: Self-reliance Language: English Fandom: Mahou Sentai Magiranger            Genre: Character study CW: None

Non-Romantic Relationships by 27twinsister (Ao3)

Post, Direct link (Ao3) Summary:  Jiro doesn’t know if his relationship with Yuki is romantic. But it’s special to him. The note contains my headcanons for Jiro and what the words mean  Word Count: 209 Prompt: Non-Romantic Relationships Language: English Fandom: Dogengers Genre: Character study CW: Romance mention

Non-fiction

Relationship Anarchy and Hugs by charcharcharace (blogspot)

Post, Direct link (blogspot) Summary: Applying relationship anarchy to family relationships and hugs. Word Count: 522 Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships Theme: Defying Expectations Language: English Genre: Non-Fiction CW: consent issues, boundary breaking

Thursday Thoughts: AroWriMo Week 4: Non-Romantic Relationships & Self-Reliance by @sophieakatz

Post, Direct link (tumblr) Word Count: Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships, Self-reliance Language: English Genre: Non-fiction CW: Romance mention

Poetry

Little Boxes by anon*

Post, Direct link (Google docs) Word Count: 456 Prompt: Freedom Theme: Choosing to be Yourself Language: English Genre: Poem/non-fiction

To My Dear and Loving... by @writingthingsilike​

Post, Direct link (tumblr) Summary: A poem about being aromantic but still wanting a life partner Word Count: 165 Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships Theme: Choosing to be Yourself Language: English Genre: Non-fiction CW: None

AroAce by Catolica (Ao3)

Post, Direct link (Ao3) Word Count: 254 Language: English CW: Choose not to use warnings

Care, uncoupled by @graces-of-luck​

Post, Direct link (tumblr) Word Count: 149 Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships Theme: Humanity Language: English Genre: Free Verse CW: Romance

Human = ( X - Y ) / Z by charcharcharace (blogspot)

Post, Direct link (blogspot) Summary: A poem about human essentialism Word Count: 129 Theme: Humanity Language: English Genre: Poetry CW: Mentions of essentialism and touches on dehumanizing ideas

Short Stories

My Valentine by @bimboztown on twitter

Post, Direct link (Google docs) Word Count: 305 Category: Short Stories Theme: Choosing to be Yourself Language: English Genre: Coming of Age CW: Suicide attempt mention

Lights, Camera, Aro! by charcharcharace (blogspot)

Post, Direct link (blogspot) Summary: An aromantic actress is conflicted over how to engage with a romantically coded improv challenge. Word Count: 1885 Theme: Choosing to be Yourself Language: English Genre: Literary CW: a ghost, pressure.

He Is Mild And He Is Meek by @entity9silvergen (Ao3, FFN)

Post, Direct link (Ao3) Summary: He is mild and he is meek, he is Momo and he is what I seek. Suki always wanted three things in life. One was to become a professional soccer player. The second was to live in a cute apartment filled with succulents. The third was to get a cat. Momo probably wasn’t anyone’s first pick as a pet but Suki was determined to get this cat to love her as much as she loved him. If only he’d accept he had a home now. Word Count: 6500 Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships Language: English Fandom: Avatar the Last Airbender. Characters: Suki, Momo, Sokka, Aang Genre: Friendship, Hurt/ Comfort CW: Mention of sex, non-excessive swearing

sick of all those love songs (sing to me about my friend on the moon). by nwhrs

Post, Direct link (Ao3) Summary: Johnny has always tried to follow the game, Ten has always stood out like a sore thumb, Chenle has always been quite vocal about himself, and Jisung really has absolutely no idea just what is going on (or does he?). And this is just a little part of their story. Word Count: 16413 Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships Theme: Choosing to be Yourself Language: English Fandom: NCT // Park Jisung, Zhong Chen Le, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Suh Youngho | Johnny Genre: Slice of Life CW: Romance, Discussions of romance & amatonormativity

he loves you (he loves you not) by @ternaryflower53

Summary:    "Who's your companion?" the man asks.    "This is Jango," he says, not adding his last name. They have a false  one, a name Jango sometimes uses in undercover missions when he doesn’t  want to risk being recognized as the Mand’alor’s son, but better if they can avoid using it. "He's my husband."    The man frowns down at his datapad, then looks up to study Jango. "I wasn't expecting you to come with a partner, Master Jedi."    or, jangobi fake dating au, but make it aromantic. Word Count: 6270 Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships Language: English Fandom: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy (Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jango Fett) Genre: Fanfic CW: Romance, fake/pretend relationship, request to be in a romantic relationship that gets shut down

[oneweekoneband]

In the first cold hours of a new December morning, Taylor Swift once again revealed herself to be the primary antagonist in my hero’s journey. Weary and woebegone as I am, I will not waste strength on any attempt to deny that this latest attack has knocked me off balance, but I believe it is important that I—we, really, the lot of us who have been bloodied pitiably beneath this most brutal show of force—rebound immediately into a defensive posture so that there might be any hope at all for survival. Taylor’s second pandemic album will be released at midnight tonight, so I guess Shakespeare and his little “play” about elder abuse can get fucked after all. The album is called evermore. It was hubris, I can see in retrospect, which led me to tempt my enemy by writing all these words about her on this, the week of her birthday, knowing as I do that Taylor is one of those especially dangerous adults who make a big deal about both birthdays and lucky numbers. Icarus is my name now, covered in melted wax and tumbling to the sea. So as to steel ourselves for these horrors yet to come, I offer now, with not arrogance but the faith of the foolhardy, my best conjecture as to the content of each detestable track. 

willow - Could be about a tree. Could be about a girl. More likely it is both somehow, which is extremely pervy, and not just because that’s part of the plot of the unspeakably cursed The Raven Cycle novels, which I, a full blown adult with, generally speaking, normal brain function, voluntarily read for the first time this summer because some of us, ma’am, used the pandemic for activities that hurt only ourselves, not others. Well, happy holidays, tree fuckers.

champagne problems - Whatever this is, know that I will be considering it a work after Fall Out Boy’s “Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends” and I’ll be right to do so and many people will say as much admiringly and they’ll smile at me with pride and doff their caps as I go.

gold rush - If this song is anything but a loving, comprehensive summation of the children’s novel DEAR AMERICA Seeds of Hope: The Gold Rush Diary of Susanna Fairchild then I’m going to walk directly out of my home and, deadly virus be damned, keep walking until I’ve entered Taylor Swift’s instead, at which point I will begin to scream out a litany of complaints at the very top of my voice, ceasing only when her security team kills me or we fall in love.

tis the damn season - Worst case scenario this is a sad Christmas song (the best kind of Christmas song) and it devastates me in the most degrading way possible. Best case scenario it’s really bad and dumb and I can live without pain.

tolerate it - Many possibilities here. Could be about white-knuckling it through a period of depression, or a breakup. Most obviously, it could be about COVID-19 lockdowns keeping us trapped in our homes, disconnected from loved ones, going slow-brained and strange, bowls piling up, and suddenly so desperate for human interaction that even memories of having drinks with somebody from Hinge who quoted Friends twice in an hour are tantalizing in comparison to the touch-starved dreamstate of staying indoors... But I kinda feel like this is Taylor replying “COPE” from on high to my tweets about how I would rather be boiled alive than have to face the existence of this record.

no body, no crime (feat. Haim) - What would be very good is if this is a homosexual romp about Taylor Swift and the one hot Haim guitar girl with the really gay energy doing a murder together a la “Somethin’ Bad” by Miranda Lambert with Carrie Underwood, but honestly, it is probably another song about Gone Girl.

happiness - Impossible to speak on this since, thanks to Taylor Swift, happiness is something with which I have no familiarity. 

dorothea - Have seen chirping on the odious bird application about how perhaps this song title suggests that Taylor has written a song about Middlemarch, titling it for Dorothea Brooke, but I reject this because it implies that Taylor has read Middlemarch, which is a premise I cannot accept. Whether this refusal is out of self-preservation, being unwilling and in fact unable to face a world where Taylor Swift read and was moved to creation by the novel which was my most essential friend the summer I got dumped by a guy who I still had to work feet away from in a candle factory for another month, and about which Emily Dickinson (Emily Dickinson whose birthday it happens to be today, which isn’t to say that this means anything about anything. I am simply trying to batten down all hatches literally and spiritually in light of having been had once again by this numerology obsessed demon) once wrote "What do I think of Middlemarch? What do I think of glory.” or because I just at my core do not believe that Taylor has read a single book since Gone Girl I couldn’t possibly say.

coney island (feat. The National) : Some ungodly americana ass bullshit that is going to ruin my life. The thought of holy terror shaped like a horse girl Taylor Swift and trickster nymph in the body of a tax accountant Matt Berninger, two individuals I have allowed, separately, to cause me grievous psychic harm, having even the barest amount of one to one contact, even digitally, has made me want to peel all my skin off and put it back on flipped inside out so that I might, when I look in the mirror, see a version of myself which approximates how I feel.

ivy - Another song for the plant lesbians. That’s fine, and I’m happy for that community, but what I want to know, looking at this growing pile of songs named after women, is where, Taylor, is the song about loudmouth queen Inez, legendary gossip and, for my money, the star of folklore?  

cowboy like me - Putting it as mildly as humanly possible, to slit my throat would be less cruel. I am drawing a straight line from me writing illegible sequels to perfect film An American Tail: Fievel Goes West (itself a sequel) in crayon as a toddler, to Paula Cole’s “Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?” on the radio in my mom’s two door Honda, to me everyday after school in third grade changing into the cowboy costume my godmother bought, to me at fourteen internalizing a sense of righteous indignation that would take years to even begin to outgrow when Crash beat Brokeback Mountain for Best Picture, to the winter I dropped half my classes out of fear and sickness and read paperback westerns on the twenty third floor of the college library for tens of hours at a go, to the profoundly gay episode of Supernatural called “Tombstone” which is, yes, named for the profoundly gay cowboy film Tombstone, to the inspired and revitalizing pause in “Space Cowboy” by Kacey Musgraves where she’s like, “You can have your space........ cowboy”, to Mitski’s Be the Cowboy, to the perfect boygenius cover of certified classic “Cowboy Take Me Away”, to whatever the hell this is going to be.That line is not to make a point at all. It’s just that there is a line and beside it there is me, incapacitated.

long story short - Just like all the other times anyone has ever invoked this phrase in the entire history of human beings expressing themselves with language, it is going to be a huge lie, because this woman never shuts up.

marjorie - After all that Taylor has put me through over the years, she should have at least named one of these wretched things “ellen” after my dead Sagittarian grandmother, whose birthday is tomorrow, December 11th, which is again, the release date of Taylor Swift’s second album in sixth months, but it’s probably for the best that she didn’t because you simpletons would immediately think it was an homage to George Bush’s friend Dory the fish, and therefore gay, regardless of the actual text of the song, and it’d be the “betty” massacre all over again. That being said, this is almost assuredly another horny song about some mid-century white lady. Only days ago Taylor was telling Entertainment Weekly that she’s been watching a lot of movies in quarantine, and while she didn’t name 1958’s Marjorie Morningstar starring Natalie Wood, I wouldn’t put it past her.

closure - God, I hope this one is another Kaylor classic so we can all act like complete raving lunatics online from the confines of our own plague quarters for a few days. It’s been a hard year.

evermore (feat. Bon Iver) - I’ll be catatonic by this point. Who cares?

right where you left me - Yes, in hell.

it’s time to go - Yes, TO HELL.

[gffa]

I was talking with @himboskywalker​ about Tolkien and fandom and fic, because I’m always curious where people’s “area” of the wider Legendarium are at, whether they’re a fan of the Dwarves or the Humans or the Elves or the Valar or what!  (As a surprise to absolutely no one, the Elves are where my heart is at, where I very much love the Noldor, but if you give me a choice I’m going to run over to that Sindar-centric fic every time.) Which got us onto the topic of fic recs, where, yes, I’ve done a LOT of Tolkien fic recs but I tend to read something of a wide variety and this is a list specifically aimed at those who are familiar with the wider Tolkien world, but haven’t really read much fic and want to know where to start! Other Recs First: - If you haven’t gotten further into Tolkien’s work (like say beyond the movies), I’ve done something of a primer here, which includes fic recs and brief explanations and links to videos that help explain some things.  It’s not as hard as it seems to get involved, honest! - Some other fic recs here, as an addition to the above. - My Tolkien blog (which I haven’t been on in awhile, though, I haven’t let it go in my heart yet) has, I’m not kidding, A LOT of fic recs, I did recs regularly for about three years, so it’s almost as massive as my collection of SW recs. If I Could Only Pick Three To Start You With: ✦ And What Happened After by thearrogantemu - This is the fic that took me from enjoying the Silm characters to diving face-first into really loving them, because it wove such an engaging story about the characters sailing to Aman at the end of LOTR, where various characters you wouldn’t think interacting would be as meaningful as they are, but the fic absolutely sells them on it.  Frodo and Feanor having a conversation about language?  Sam and Maglor sharing a boat to the West?  These things are amazing, as this is a fic about healing and what it means to sail into the Undying Lands.  Also, it has a Feanor and Fingolfin reunion that literally put tears in my eyes. ✦ Interrupted Journeys by ellisk - I’m generally not someone who does a lot of rereading of fic just because I have so many new ones to get to, but I’ve read my favorites in this series (parts 3 to 5 are my sweet spot especially) probably four times through now because “Elfling Legolas growing up in Greenwod with a whole cast of characters around him, as the Shadow so very, very slowly creeps towards them” may sound somewhat simple, but the worldbuilding here is off the scale.  The weaving in of how much the First Age and various Elven politics influenced Thranduil’s ruling of a Silvan people is a major theme, but it’s also good parents raising that precious Elfling right and he and his cousins+friends getting into all sorts of mischief, so it’s balanced between humor and drama in the exact amounts I want.  You can skip the first two fics and jump into the third if you like, which is when Legolas is introduced, but I enjoy the whole thing. ✦ Return to Aman OR Quenta Narquelion by bunn - I can’t pick between these two, they’re both incredible.  Return to Aman is basically “Elrond grabs Maglor and drags him to Aman with them” and it breaths such incredible lift into all the characters of Aman, it doesn’t negate the terrible things the Feanorians did, but neither does it negate Elrond’s love for them and his biological family, too.  It’s another fic that’s about healing and forgiveness and it made me glow to read it.  Quenta Narquelion is basically “Feanor refused the call of Mandos after he died and everything started to snowball from there” and it’s an absolutely heartbreaking look at all our Problematic Fave Feanorians and how they were once good people trying to do the best they could, but bit by bit they slipped into the dark.  It’s especially amazing for capturing the complexities of Feanor, as he hovers over his children as a spirit and it really brought me around on his character. The Silmarillion and other First Age Batshit Faves: ✦ The Starlit Sky by Cirth is the fic that really made me get the potential of reading about Maedhros and Maglor raising Elrond and Elros, where it does such a fantastic job of showing that there was genuine affection there, even the midst of all the angst and trauma and pain.  You really get why Elrond could never give up on them, after reading this fic. ✦ In Courts of Living Stone by ncfan - “What if Maeglin never left Nan Elmoth and instead, several decades later, found himself on an errand to Menegroth and developed a relationship with Finduilas instead?” isn’t a fic I expected to capture my heart, but boy did it ever.  Beautiful characterization and beautiful writing, it really captured my imagination, but also gave me ALLLLLL the Maeglin feelings, as well as made me pine that this Finduilas couldn’t have been more common in fandom. ✦ naught but the shores and the sea by ncfan is more of Elrond and Maglor, where it’s an AU that has Elrond finding Maglor after the disastrous attempt to recover the Silmarils and I loved it a lot. ✦ The Crane Wife by Trebia is one that takes an underused character from Tolkien (Lalwen, in this case) and breathes this incredible life into her, gives her personality and joy and sorrow and meaning and, look, any fic that can convince me that Thranduil would marry a Noldo and utterly believe it, you know it’s well-written! The Second Age Is Kind of Quiet in Fandom But I Love It Regardless: ✦ The Art of Long-Distance Grandparenting by Kazaera is a lovely and bittersweet (but mostly lighter in tone) fic about the separation of the Sea between family members and does a wonderful job with Idril’s character, as she tries to stay connected to her grandchildren while being so distant from them and unable to see them, unless they choose to come to Aman.  There’s joy to be found here and it’s a lovely read. ✦ Relativity by French Pony is a lovely look at the final meeting between Elrond and Elros and strikes the right amount of bittersweetness, where it’s awkward and difficult and heartbreaking, but also feels natural and like this was how it was meant to be.  I had many, many Elven Twin feelings during the whole thing.  (I like all their fic, they’re worth checking out their other stuff for, too!) ✦ A Thing or Two About Elrond by Crookneck is a series of fics about Elrond and the various relationships he has--with Celebrian, with his children, with Gil-Galad, etc.--and I remember being really charmed by all of them and how much shit Elrond has seen over the course of his life. The Third Age, Lord of the Rings Version: ✦ Boromir's Return by Osheen Nevoy - This one is sort hard to summarize, but it’s basically “Boromir lives, makes a friend, and slowly changes everything about the LOTR plot”, but it’s so much more than that, where the worldbuilding is phenomenal, the pacing is incredible, it made me fall in love with Boromir as a character all over again, it contains probably the best portrayal of Denethor I’ve ever read in fandom, and I really loved the OC and so on.  It’s utterly engrossing and honestly I cannot recommend it highly enough, even if you’re not usually into this sort of thing. ✦ The River by Indigo Bunting is a fic where Legolas and Sam get separated from the others for a brief time and I love fics that take two characters who don’t interact much, throw them into an intense situation, and sees what happens.  It’s not precisely a light-hearted fic, it’s very intense, but it’ll make you fall in love with the sheer good in both characters and the friendship they develop.  It’s brilliantly written and I cannot recommend it enough. ✦ A Bit of Rope by Aiwendiel is a fic where Gandalf doesn’t fall at Moria and it changes everything--not necessarily for the better.  The slow, creeping sense of things changing, things going just a little bit worse here and there, until you realize how much darker the Fellowship’s journey could have been, was brilliantly done, and one I thought did justice to the idea, it’s not grimdark, there’s still light and hope here, but it makes you feel like, oh, maybe things happened as they did for a reason, even as hard as that seemed sometimes.  Gorgeously plotted and utterly engrossing. The Third Age, Mirkwood Version: ✦ daw the minstrel has an entire series of fics about Legolas growing up in Mirkwood and there’s absolutely a reason why she was one of the most well-known authors in that corner of fandom.  Her ability to create new characters (including two brothers for Legolas) was incredible, I cared so much about the family dynamics and got swept up in the drama (which was in a very loving family, but Legolas was definitely a mischief-seeker) and they’re fantastic.  If you find yourself in something of a stretch with too many OCs and your attention wavers, you can always skip around, they don’t have to be read in order and a lot of the non-canon characters can be skimmed over, imo. ✦ In a Field of Blood and Stone by ScribeofArda is so much better than what The Hobbit movies gave us of the Battle of Five Armies, it does such beautiful justice to the complicated character of Thranduil and Legolas, not sacrificing the warmth there for how difficult these times are and the war they find themselves in the middle of.  This Bard is also really engaging and fun to read--I read pretty much the entire novel’s worth in, like, a day or two because I could not put this one down. ✦ Swordplay and Swimming by cliodna_bright has an incredible meeting where Thranduil comes to visit Rivendell, runs into Elladan and Elrohir, who are young enough that they speak without thinking, and it’s not precisely a humor fic, but I was screaming the entire time because it’s so sharply written and so absolutely delightful, I LOVE IT. ✦ Deep and Crisp and Even by rivlee made me fall in love with how Elves and humans may look very similar, but there’s this sense of otherworldliness to the Elves, as shown through Bard’s eyes when he has a meeting with Thranduil.  Beautifully written and just the right amount of atmospheric. The Fourth Age Where Everything Actually Does Mostly Work Out: ✦ Far Horizons by Bodkin is the Fourth Age fic of my heart, where the various Elves that we came to know in Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit are all in Aman and decide to build their own realm there.  Which is difficult because Elven Politics even just amongst themselves, much less clashing with all the established politics of the other Elven realms in Aman!  But it’s a light-hearted fic (for the most part) that’s about healing and moving forward, balancing their ties to their history versus that Middle-Earth changed them, and I love it for soothing my soul.  (Thranduil sailed, you can’t tell me otherwise!!!)(Bonus moments of Glorfindel being pretty hilarious.)  I like all of bodkin’s work, but this one has a special place with me. ✦ Age of Healing by trollmela is one where Maedhros and Legolas have a conversation in Aman and it’s about the bittersweetness of healing and how difficult it is, taking two characters who would never have met in canon and weaving something entirely engaging and poignant out of it. Collections That Span The Ages: ✦ This Taste of Shadow by Mira_Jade - This is a collection of dozens of various shorter stories (or sometimes 10k “ficlets”) that you can largely skip around in if you have specific characters you like or you can just start at the beginning and read through.  It contains looks at pretty much everyone, from Maedhros to Galadriel to Thranduil to Elrond to Caranthir to Glorfindel to the Valar, etc.  I’ve enjoyed pretty much everything I’ve read in this collection! ✦ Fiondil's Tapestry and Tales from Vairë's Loom by Fiondil are in the same vein and I have really enjoyed everything I’ve read from both of them!  I especially remember that there was one chapter that had a scene between Thranduil and Cirdan and thinking, ahhhh, why has no one ever written that before!? as an example of the neat things it does.  But also lots about Elrond and Glorfindel and the Valar and so on! This probably doesn’t feel like a super extensive list, but those collection series will give you an excellent spanning of Elves, Humans, Dwarves, Hobbits, etc., not just the same central characters, but giving time to a lot of lesser focused ones as well.  Like, I feel I’ve read a fair chunk of Elwing fic, but I couldn’t point you to a specific one in my list of recs, which means I’m pretty sure it was in the collections ones or else she got some good scenes in one of the Aman-based fics, so I swear the above is at least a solid place to start for dipping one’s toe into Tolkien fic. AS ALWAYS, OTHER PEOPLE’S RECS ARE WELCOME, god knows I haven’t read anything in the last two years (and will have missed a lot even before that) and so I always need more recs, too!