#I try to think of an equally deliciously fucked up dynamic and nothing comes close

[sukirichi]

sweet lies [02]

His lies were way too sweet – and you were too addicted to make him stop.

cw. explicit smut, slight body worship, public sex, dirty talk, praising, toxic megumi, fwb dynamics, slight angst, body marking, sukuna bullying megumi, age gap, scratching, mentions of oral (m receiving) and mutual masturbation, the traditional unedited fic

note. choose your fighter, megumi or sukuna 😈 also UHM do you guys want me to make the ending angsty or fluffy? i wrote out two versions so LOL let me know what you think! we’ll get more of the megumi scenes on the next chapter though~

series masterlist | 01 | 02 | 03

Sukuna isn’t kidding when he said he’ll have you unable to walk by the end of this.

You’ve lost count of how many times you guys have fucked.

Once more in the stalls when you thought of repaying the favor by sucking him off, followed by him growing impatient and hauling you inside his car. Both of you were too tired to go for another round, but were still very much addicted for the other’s touch that mutual masturbation seems like the best option.

Thankfully, Sukuna’s cut his nails, so having three of his fingers buried knuckle deep in you feels like absolute heaven. He’s not complaining about your smooth hands wrapped around his shaft either, especially not when you’ve had enough practice with Megumi to know just how to make a guy lose his mind. By the time you’ve made it back home, Sukuna’s grown hard again, too impatient to make it to the bed before he just fucks you raw against the wall. You’re trembling at his hold, left with no choice but to trust his strength to drop you on his cock and bounce you to his pleasure.

It’s a miracle you’ve made it on the bed.

His digital clock reads a quarter at three in the morning, and for a moment, you worry about how tired you’ll be in class tomorrow when Sukuna’s large hands grips your thighs sharply.

“Goddamn,” he hisses through clenched teeth, chuckling at the irresistible sight of your breasts bouncing before him. Limbs tangled, minds controlled with the primal need to fuck, and moans shared with his deep grunts – you somehow end up on top of him, your thighs feeling like they’re on the verge of giving up as you continue to ride his thick length.

“You are so fucking sexy,” he slaps your ass and causes your hips to rut deeper, forcing that delicious curve of his cock to meld with your walls. You throw your head back, palms planted on his chest, focused only on that burning pleasure between your thighs. “I could fuck you all night long.”

Even though you truly have no wish to, you shake your head, fingers balling into a fist. “I have class tomorrow, need to wake up early,” you protest, the words falling into deaf ears as Sukuna thrusts up into you. He must’ve noticed how you’re growing tired and took matters into his own hands, feet grounded on the mattress to pound deliriously into you. You’re debating whether to be thankful or frustrated he still has so much energy even after hours of fucking, but it honestly doesn’t matter. You’re falling into his chest, arms slipping on your equally sweat-covered bodies. Right now, you just wanted to cum – once more, again, one last time! “Ah, Sukuna, t-too much!”

“Too much?” he laughs and tangles his hand to caress your scalp, the gesture too soothing that you almost forgot he’s fucking you into oblivion. “Want me to go slow?”

“No…”

“Thought so, sweetheart,” his grin is absolutely cocky as he bends his knees in a fold, pushing you until your back rests on his muscular thighs. Your mouth falls open at his hands wrapping around your threat, keeping you right there, hips flat and grinding on his cock. “Come on. Come for me,” Sukuna urges, tightening his hold around your neck a little harder.  

That’s all you need for your vision to blur and see stars, your body’s shaking uncontrollable. He’s thrusting with all his power and energy that it feels like you’re nothing but a hole on top of him, tongue falling open in a wanton manner as your drool trails down your chin.

You look filthy, you feel filthy, and yet, Sukuna sees it entirely different.

“So – fucking – gorgeous, fuck. I woulda fucked you sooner if I didn’t feel weird about it.”

“What?”

“Aw, come on, sweetheart,” he smirks at your half fucked out state. Sukuna rolls his hips in such a mind numbing manner that you end up staring at the ceiling, trying your hardest to decipher the colors of his room to get a grip of yourself. But he feels so hot, cock throbbing and pulsing inside you, your puffy lips encasing him with a translucent ring of cum and it feels so fucking good you don’t really understand what he’s saying anymore. “Did you really think I never saw you in my dreams?” he slaps your ass again, the reflexive response of tightening around him pulling a deep groan from the beautiful man beneath you. “I have such a sexy roommate, I couldn’t help it.”

“Then why didn’t you – ah, right there, shit – tell me?”

“Cuz,” he snickers and finally lets you breathe, your pupils blowing wide from the sudden flow of air. Sukuna kneads your breasts greedily, never stopping his mind-numbing rhythm of ramming deep into you. Your body burns, your thighs ache, your pussy feels sensitive but you can’t find the energy to stop him. Instead, you fall prey, failing in your mission to keep him wrapped around your fingers because now you’re wrapped around his cock, and you were quite fucking addicted to it. “You’re my friend’s student. Felt so fucking wrong.”

“What’s the difference now?”

“The difference is,” Sukuna’s face contorts into something of discomfort for a moment before he leans forward, his sturdy grip homing in on your hips again. You feel his searing breath on your ear, so parching it puts the warmth of your pussy to shame. “Having you like this has never felt so right, and I’ll keep fucking you if you let me.”

“I-I’d let you,” you concede absentmindedly and capture his lips for a sloppy kiss, tongues giving up on a battle of dominance. You’re always so clingy when you’re about to come, something Megumi never fails to chastise you for, and you fear Sukuna might push you away as you wrap an arm around him, nails painfully scratching down his back. Red marks leave a trail on its wake until his blood pierces through the sheets, the pain manifested through the increasing roughness of his pace. Now it’s your turn to whimper in his ear, pulling the man close and tugging harshly at the ends of his hair. Gosh, were you actually crying? “Sukuna, I’m close! Yes, yes, right there!”

Sukuna groans at the erotic sounds you reward him with. “Come for me, that’s right, ohhhh,” he stills inside you, his seed spilling deep inside you. You wince at the burst of warmth spreading all over your belly and Sukuna chuckles at your bulging belly. He presses down on it to coax his cum to trickle all over his cock, and he’s fucking filthy – you learn easily – to watch you make a mess on his cock with a childish smile on his face.

You push yourself off him and fall to his side, him following suit not long afterwards. The room feels completely stuffed from your intense fucking, the bruises on your body and scratches on his back a huge attestment to that.

Your legs remain wide open as you clench around nothing, his cum oozing out like a waterfall. Sukuna (that damned pervert) dips two fingers into your hole for one last moment just to drench his fingers in it, his eyes lit up in wonder while he lets it web around his fingers. You snicker at his actions and roll to his side, eyes fluttering close from the wave of exhaustion that comes into full force.

The lingerie set you intended to wear for Megumi was now ripped at the other side of the room, discarded, forgotten – merely evidence of a moment that had never been given to him.

Oddly enough, you don’t feel bad, not even when Sukuna faces you, his cheeks squished by his soft pillows. “I’m spent. I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired. My gym sessions can’t compare to this.”

“You go to the gym?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t born this gorgeous, you know. I had to work hard for this,” Sukuna gestures to his body. You can’t help but follow the gestures and admire the hard planes of his muscle ripped above one another, the smatter of dark hair leading down his hips adding to his already immense sexual charisma. It makes you want to jump on him all over again, and you have to bite your lip to resist that urge, rolling your eyes at him in favor of letting him know you could totally go for another round.

“Dork.”

“Got me laid though, was worth the effort,” he jokes, and you both laugh.

It’s actually…weird, to laugh so casually with someone like this. It might be normal for Sukuna in his past sexual endeavors, but it’s totally a different thing for you. You and Megumi had never even bothered with aftercare. As long as he’s satisfied himself, he’d clean himself off in the bathroom and wear his sweatpants, winking at you before he leaves you alone all over again. The memory – albeit not really a regrettable one – is still painful each time you’re reminded you’ll keep coming back to him.

But are things different now? Could you go back to Megumi? You only ever wanted to fuck Sukuna because you’re sad and horny, but it wouldn’t be fair to him, especially when your roommate has been nothing but nice to you. Besides, him being a little more decent doesn’t immediately equate he’s different than Megumi.

For all you know, you could just be another cheap fuck. Sukuna is older and sexier, after all, he’s clearly had a lot more experience than you do.

As if reading your mind, Sukuna rests his head on his palms, elbows flat on the bed as he turns to you. The expression on his face is unreadable, but there’s some sort of softness behind it – a softness you’re not really familiar with.

“Hey. I don’t exactly know what you’re going through, not everything, anyway, but whatever we have right now, I want you to know it’s not because I see just as a pretty pussy, okay?” he says with a straight face, but you really shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up because Sukuna smirks, mischievous eyes darting back and forth to your soaked pussy and bare breasts. “Although you do have a pretty pussy. Can I eat you out again?”

With that, you snatch the pillow underneath him and whack it straight at his face. Sukuna laughs at your protests, the sound growing louder and a lot more mocking the harder you hit him. “Gosh, Sukuna, shut up!”

You end up hitting him way too many times in the face that he can’t get his words through, and before you could react, Sukuna’s ripped the pillow away from you. He cages you in his arms and hovers over you once more, his boneless dick grazing the insides of your thigh. It’s not meant to be sexual, and nothing about his stance gives off anything that shows he wants to do it again, but you can’t help but feel aroused, shifting your legs up and down the bed as you squirm.

“Seriously though,” he repeats, “We can be casual, or this could be a one time thing. Card’s all yours to play. If you want to forget everything tomorrow, I’d gladly do it. Let’s just go back to the way we were-”

“Sukuna.”

“Yes?”

“Did you really think I was only using you to distract myself?”

Sukuna’s lips flatten into a line. “I’m not stupid,” he says somberly, “I could tell you were still thinking about him. Not that I mind, though, you can’t stop yourself from loving someone,” Faintly, you’re distracted by his thumbs rubbing at your pulse point. It’s so lulling you want to fall asleep, but Sukuna isn’t done talking. “My point is…you don’t have to worry about being weird with me. We could just be friends with benefits, if you want, and not the kind you have with your boy toy either. ”

His blatantly catches you off guard and your eyes widen before they narrow at him, trying your best to hide your embarrassment. If Megumi was painfully honest, Sukuna’s ridiculously blunt that his mere words make your heart do weird things you’d rather not feel.

Careful, you remind yourself, Megumi is the one you want. You have to keep reminding yourself that before your feelings get the best of you. It’s Megumi, it’s always been Megumi and it always will be Megumi. Sukuna is just your roommate who’s nice enough to take your mind off things. You only wish you weren’t lying too much in case he gets the wrong idea you’re leading him on, but then again, isn’t that what you’re doing?

Friends with benefits or not – you still have no plans on getting involved with this guy any longer.

It’s always Megumi. You just really needed a quick fuck, someone whose dick didn’t belong with the guy you’re so hung up on over. The change feels nice and you definitely feel a lot better than the last time you met Megumi, but this guilt…it tastes bitter on your tongue, too heavy to swallow and ignore. It’s always Megumi, you tell yourself again in an attempt to relieve your pain.

Though it doesn’t subside and you huff in exasperation, turning away from Sukuna. You can’t stand looking at him right now.

“I’m not,” you mumble weakly, but the tears – the guilt, the heartbreak of not being Megumi’s lover, the regret and the ironic need to be closer to Sukuna feels all so confusing – all threaten to burst through. You don’t want him to see you cry, that would be lame, so you scoot closer to him and kiss his shoulder as you shyly ask, “C-can we cuddle?”

“Of course,” he chuckles, pulling you closer, “You don’t have to sound too nervous to ask.”

“Sorry, it’s just-”

“He never does that?”

“…Yeah.”

“Well, I’m not him,” Sukuna answers confidently, surprising you when he grabs your ass to press you flush against him. You’re both sweaty and hot to the point it’s uncomfortable, but Sukuna smells so sweet with his lingering cologne that you can’t help yourself from planting your face in his neck, breathing in the little hums he makes. Sukuna kisses the crown of your head – which is a little too sweet than you’d like – while his other hand runs down your back in a slow, sensual manner. Hell, it feels close to body worshipping, and you hate that you silently want more of this. “I’d cuddle you every day if you asked me to.”

“You’re surprisingly sweet,” you voice with a smile. Sukuna’s chest rumbles from the low laughter, and like that, you cling to him like he’s the only sturdy pillar in your life. It’s pathetic, maybe even desperate, but if he doesn’t mind, then why should you?

However, the moment is quickly ruined when the bell rings. “Shit, I forgot he was coming over!”

Sukuna glares at the door and holds you tighter, almost possessively, and refuses to let you go even as you squirm under him. “At three in the morning?”

“Yes, but I don’t want to meet him right now,” you groan helplessly.

Sukuna shoots you a blank look after that, then shoots out of the bed in an instant. You watch as he quickly dresses up in a fresh pair of sweatpants, grabbing a random hoodie from the back of his chair, presumably to hide the scratch marks. You have to hide your smile behind your hand because he looks so drool-worthy with marks littered on his already marked skin, and the fact he lets you mark him is even hotter.

He pauses at the door for a moment, pointing a finger at where you peered up at him curiously. “Stay there. I’ll talk to him and say you went out or whatever. Just make sure to silence your phone in case he calls. Better yet, turn it off.”

Sukuna closes the door behind him, already on the way to the entrance just as you press your ears against the door to eavesdrop. There’s a slight shuffling before the door unlocks, then, “Why the fuck did you lock-” Megumi pauses in his words, and you can perfectly picture his infamous scowl painting his handsome features already. Gosh, you wish you could actually see it, but if Megumi catches you sleeping with someone else, he might totally lose interest in you. That’s not something you could afford to happen.

“Oh. You’re her roommate.” You snigger at his usual what the fuck tone – how Megumi of him.

“Hey, kid, it’s a little too late for a visit, don’t you think?” Sukuna taunts, and it takes everything in you to not burst through the door at that moment. You’re stuck between wanting to laugh and crying, mostly because you would love and hate for Megumi to get riled up. “Do your parents know you’re here? Kids shouldn’t be out this late.”

“I’m not a fucking kid, I’m in uni,” he defends, “Do you know where Y/N is? I need to talk to her.”

Deciding fuck it, you open the door by an inch, just enough to peek. As expected, Megumi is glaring behind Sukuna’s shoulders in search of you. Meanwhile, Sukuna’s completely calm, checking his nails boredly as if Megumi isn’t fuming in front of him. And boy, do you know how much Megumi hates being ignored. “Oh, I think she went out, I don’t know why though. House was empty when I got here.”

“She didn’t tell you where she was going?”

At Megumi’s imposing tone, Sukuna tilts his head to scrutinize Megumi. Now that you’re seeing them together, Sukuna’s twice the size of Megs, their height and shoulder width too different to start comparing. But knowing Megumi, he’s not going to back down from a tattooed guy twice his size, not even as he sarcastically remarks, “Ain’t you her friend? She should be telling you that kind of stuff.”

Truthfully, you expected he would put up more of a fight. The two of them share a heated staring competition before Megumi scoffs, the first one to look away. “Whatever,” he dismisses, “Tell her to pick her damn phone up. I’ve been calling for the past hour.”

“I think I should tell her to get better friends.”

“What was that?”

“I said get home safely,” Sukuna chirps. Even with his back turned to you, you could tell Sukuna’s just further pressing his buttons with a grin that’s not meant to be inviting at all. Just when you think it’s done, however, Sukuna finishes off with, “Kid.”

Megumi rages. His blue eyes flame into something feral, his fists balled at his sides. He’s always had a temper issue and you nearly reveal yourself to stop whatever fight is about to ensue, but Sukuna’s already closing the door, ridding any opportunity for the younger one to retaliate. At the sound of the door closing, Sukuna leans against the door, his smile still plastered on his face as if he knows you’re watching the whole time. He meets your eyes from the slight peep of his door, waving his hands sarcastically.

“Sukuna, you didn’t have to be so mean.”

“Sorry,” he isn’t apologetic at all. “Next time I’ll be nicer to your asshole crushes,” he adds with a slight roll of his eyes and you punch his chest playfully. You don’t stop him from grabbing your wrists to embrace you in a hug that doesn’t seem so platonic – but not so suggestive either. Sukuna rests his chin on top of your hand while he sways you both side to side, his voice muffled in your hair. “I understand why you’re attracted to him though. He’s really handsome.”

“Yeah, he is,” you agree sadly, thinking of how much it’s really all a waste Megumi has to be like that. “Just sucks his personality ruins everything.”

“A pretty face is always deceiving,” Sukuna suddenly pulls away and holds you an arm’s length away.  “Hey, want to have early breakfast?”

“I think that would be late dinner,” you frown at him.

“Whatever, food is food,” he responds rather excitedly, and you watch as Sukuna rummages through the fridge. Now that you think about it, having sex so much really took a toll on you, and your stomach grumbles loudly. Sukuna hides his chuckles through the fridge but you hear him anyway, shouting at him that you’re not hungry. “Wasn’t asking, sweetheart. Now go get cleaned and changed, I’ll make something for you.”

If anyone were to tell you that a good fucking is all that’s needed for you to immediately form a new kind of friendship with your roommate, you’d call them weird. Sukuna isn’t necessarily out of reach, you and him just simply didn’t cross paths.

But now, you’re dressed comfortably in his boxers and the oversized shirt you stole from him, eating the slightly burn cheese sandwich he’s made, sharing conversation and laughing with him like you’ve been doing it for such a long time. Your sandwich is actually half forgotten on the plate as you whack your palms on the counter, “That’s how you and Prof Gojo met? I never would’ve expected you guys fought over a girl!”

“He was fucking annoying in high school,” Sukuna grumbles over an angry bite, “He was getting all the girls that when someone confessed to me, the hottest chick, no less, he straight up punched me in the face,” you laugh as you imagine the memory of a younger, already rebellious looking Sukuna getting smacked by the even more intolerable Gojo Satoru. Sukuna is lost in his own memories as well, shaking his head from around the last bites of his bread. It’s clear he hates the burnt crust judging from the way he turns a little green, but he’s bragged about his cooking skills so proudly that he has to save face in front of you. “Ah, such good times,” he muses before wincing at his own words, dropping his bread in disgust. “Damn, I sound old, don’t I?”

“You’re only like, five years older than me, it’s fine,” you giggle, “I like the maturity that comes with older people. You’re a lot easier to be with than guys my age.”

“Please,” Sukuna smirks, “Just say you like fucking older men. I won’t judge.”

If anyone were to tell you that you would be jumping over the counter to strangle your roommate who’s now running like hell, your laughter bursting through the once silent apartment, you would call them a liar. But now, you and Sukuna are panting on the floor, too tired from sprinting all around before calling it quits. Maybe it’s a lie – maybe this connection will never really be that much of a big deal – but as long as this lie and play pretend of friendship lasts, you’ll just enjoy every sweet moment of it.

taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed) (bold can’t be tagged) @uwubby-1 @expectoscamander @your-consulting-fangirl @dora-the-grownup @cosmotoic @charlie-xo @kittaliapenn @sukunas-cult-leader @flowersgirl02 @cloudsinthecosmos @90s-belladonna @averysheart-raleighsdick @generousstudentpsychic-bat @kat-su-ki @issamomma​ 

[tetralea]

To play a game

Pairing: dom!Tom Holland x reader

Word Count: 1.8K+

Warning: dom-sub dynamics, dirty talking, cum in panties, exhibitionism, semi-public play, vaginal sex

Summary:  You are attending at an event with Tom and the both of you likes to play dirty, so you ditch your panties for the night.

A/N: So,it was inspired by a conversation veeery long ago with @we--are---not--afraid​ also it kind of clashes with this ask: (P.S please at least say hi, next time because I’m not writing on demand)

The event was loud and as overwhelming as ever no matter how many times you did it. The red carpet walks, the interviews, the photos, it got easier over time but never less draining. The only thing what kept you on the edge was one specific man and the hurried promise he made before you got out of the car.  

‘I bet you are not bold enough do this event without your panties.’ Tom purred into your ear, his eyes and words challenging you.  

This is how it happened, your hands sliding under the dress which reached around your knees to find your panties and push it into Tom’s pocket. ‘And I bet you can’t walk around with my panties in your pocket without someone noticing.’ Your little head tilt and innocent eyes earned a groan and a dangerous glint in those brown eyes, but he didn’t say a thing.  

It has been an hour now at least and you felt yourself growing wet as the cool air brushed against your pussy. You knew your dress was long enough to cover you by any means, but it didn’t help your feeling of being exposed and absolutely aroused by doing all this small talk and posing while not wearing your underwear, let alone having them in Tom’s pocket. It was a dirty little secret for the two of you, which riled you up more and more by every minute.  

The first time you could finally talk to him again was before the dinner when he stepped to you, his fingers lightly touching your shoulder.  

‘Do you have a minute for me, darling?’  

With an apologetic smile you excused yourself from the group and started to follow him through the crowded room to an empty, dark hallway, curtains hanging from each side, giving you just enough cover for now. His fingers were interlocking with yours during the walk, only letting them go when he pushed you to the wall, getting tangled in a curtain a little.  

‘How are you doing lovie?’ His words were hushed, lips finding yours before you could have answered in a hungry kiss.  

‘Better than you, I'd say.’ The devilish smile on your lips and the way he gave himself away so easily earned you another groan before he was back kissing you silly. It was hot and heavy with need, need building from the moment you got out of the car a few hours ago. His hard on was painfully obvious as he stepped a bit closer, his full body pressed to yours now. Sure, it explains why at least one of his hands were in his pocket. Those tight, slim pants didn’t hide his erection very well.  

Between the heated sloppy kisses, Tom’s long fingers slipped under your dress. ‘Do you know how it felt watching you flirting with everyone and knowing you little pussy is bare under your pretty dress?’  

It was a rhetorical question, but he didn't give you time to answer anyway, his lips were on yours, kissing you in a way it made your head spin, your small whimpers lost in his mouth. ‘Lovie, you soaked even your thighs.’ Tom cooed, when his fingers run up on your skin, to find you completely roused and wet. The sound you made then his touch, even if it was light as a feather hit your exposed pussy lips was almost feral. ‘You know, originally I wanted to finger you here and go back to fuck you later, but I don’t think I can wait for so long.’ His mumbles along with his ministrations were too much to let you form any more coherent thoughts. ‘I think there is a storage room across the hall, what do you think?’ His question was sweet as honey in sync with the way he was petting your pussy, coating his fingers in your slick, pressing into you a digit only when he touched your gaping entrance.  

‘Yes.’ As embarrassing as it was this was the first and only word which come to your mind, to Tom’s amusement. He loved it, loved to make you so flustered and worked up you practically forgot how to form words and there were nothing left but those sweet noises only for him.  

It felt like it wasn’t even a minute later when the door of the small room clicked behind you. Tom was immediately all over you, his hands trying to feel as much skin as you could, being desperate to finally have you. ‘Turn around, lovie.’  

You did with a bit of a help, hands pressed to the hard, steel shelves, but you didn’t care. There was a bit of a pause while Tom undid his pants, a bit of a shuffling until he pushed them down till his knees, to pull himself free from his boxers. Lifting your dress with one hand and aligning his hot cock head with your entrance with the other shouldn’t have been this hot in this situation, but you couldn’t help it.  

‘Tom?’ Your voice was weak and impatient, when you didn’t feel the immediate fullness, you were expecting but only the delicious stretch at your entrance. He stopped.  

‘Ask for it, darling. You made me walk around with a hard cock all night, this is the least you could do to make it fair.’ 

The frustrated moan didn’t help, nor the almost inaudible please. ‘You know you can act like a little brat, and I could always just jerk off like this and leave you frustrated, so you better think about your next words carefully.’ With his words a sharp slap cut through the silence of the small space followed with your whimper when he slapped your ass a bit roughly.  

‘Tom, please.’ You tried, but already knew it won’t cut it. He tsked with his tongue, which didn’t mean any good for you, mostly when you felt his hand slowly moving starting to gently stroke his own cock.  

‘Last chance, baby girl.’ He warned and gave you another slap, his hand not speeding up yet.  

The last nick name seemed to wash away all of your remaining resistance, getting the obedient little sub out of you.  

‘Please, fuck me.’ Your words were so fast it was a miracle he heard them correctly.  

‘What is it?’ Tom teased, leaning closer to your seemingly to hear better, pushing his thick cock half-way in during the process.  

‘Please fuck me, please I need your cock!’ The words fumbled over your lips like prayer now, a shudder running down on your spine making you twitch around his cock.  

‘Look at you. You must be so desperate.’ Along with the soft, slow purr he finally pushed into you fully inch by inch. The mewl you made was primal, finally feeling the fullness and weight of his cock inside of you. 

‘Open up!’ It threw you off for a minute, but there was no time to think about it when he tapped on your lip, and something lace like touched them too. Tom stuffed your panties into your mouth without hesitation. 

Your eyes rolled back, any of your previous resistance thrown out of the window, melting into Tom’s touch, as he fucked into you. He didn’t start slow, knowing your body enough by now, to be sure you could take it. He did slow down tho after a few minutes, to pull you closer, to pepper sweet kisses onto your neck, to whisper sweet nothings into your ear. ‘Such a good girl for me.’ Tom cooed and bit your earlobe, before letting you go and starting to thrust hard and fast again.  

With your sounds muffled by your panties, lips and jaw stretching around them, eyes shut as you got lost in your pleasure, until you felt your high approaching. Your fingers left the selves which were warm under your palms now, to tap in his wrist twice.  

‘Oh, baby girl, look how good you can be. Are you there? Are you asking for my permission?’ His words were surprisingly coherent compared to the state he was. You felt his thrust becoming sloppy, his grip on your body tightening, his pants and moans becoming more breathy, he was also close.  

The answer for his question was a frantic nodding and a desperate cry trying to hold it.  

‘Good girl. You can come on my command when I hit zero.’  With that Tom started to count down from ten, making it almost the longest ten seconds of your life because he didn’t slow down, he was taking you with the same strength and speed as before, making it especially hard for you to hold back your orgasm. Now you were grateful for the small ruined piece of fabric in your mouth to hold back your desperate cries, moans and whimpers, because you were on the edge, your whole body shaking during those ten seconds.  

‘One, almost there.’ Tom’s voice was equally breathless and wretched. ‘Zero. Come baby girl, come on my cock. Come on.’  

To the permission and encouragement, you started coming immediately without even fully registering it. It took a few seconds to really reach your peak. Your mouth opened to a silent O while your body shook and convulsed under the force of your orgasm. The small, wet hole tightening around Tom and the unmistakable signs of your orgasm pushed him over too, his cock twitching and oozing his thick, warm cum into you.  

When it was over, he pulled out carefully, being aware of just how sensitive he made you. The small kisses on your shoulders sending shudders down on your arms, your eyes still closed, enjoying his closeness. He took your panties out of your mouth reaching down to use them to clean your thighs a little.  

‘Did you enjoy it?’ He asked, his lips finally finding yours for a soft, loving kiss. ‘This is what you had in mind?’ 

‘Yeah, yeah thank you.’  

‘Good, because otherwise you would be so punished at home for sticking this into my pocket. I was so fucking hard all night, darling.’ Tom softly schooled you while he turned you around trying to re arrange the both of you to a presentable state.  

‘I know and it got me so wet.’ Your tired giggle was an obvious sign of your satisfied state.  

‘Yeah?’ Tom looked at you with amusement. ‘Good, because you will wear a fresh pair now, right? And I know I’ll get hard again eventually, because you are running around with my cum in your pussy eventually dripping out of you and leaving a visible wet patch on your panties with all these very important people around us.’ As he talked you pulled out that fresh pair from your purse, he helped you to put it on, his fingers pressing the material to your entrance firmly. ‘Let’s go and enjoy the party while my hands are out of my pocket.’ 

Tag list: @terrifictomholland @itstaskeen @thegirlintheswivelchair @duskholland @sinisterspidey @tomsrebeleyebrow @annathesillyfriend @hazofmyheart @greenorangevioletgrass @worldoftom @augustholland @m-multifandom-multishipper

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[peachyteabuck]

passionate & burning II thor odinson x reader

summary: you’re busy with working from home, but thor has other plans for the day

pairing: thor odinson x reader

words: 1756

trigger warnings: needy thor, sweet sex, teasing, creampies, light breeding kink, light d/s dynamics

notes/other: this is my entry for @lancsnerd​‘s 1,000 follower writing challenge, congrats babe! my prompt was “Can we just skip it? Can you just be kissing me now?” and has been bolded within the fic!

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

Thor falls to his knees next to your desk chair, leaning his head against your knees.

“My love, please,” he begs, looking up at you with those big doe eyes. When you first met, you described him to friends as a cartoon animal in a sickeningly cute animated movie – one of the protagonists’ friends who runs around giving quippy one-liners with gif-able facial expressions. It’s been a long while since then, and it seems that nothing has changed. “Please let me touch you.”

You look down at him, sighing. “Babe, you know this deadline is important. I can’t just blow it off to have sex with you.”

He huffs like a puppy denied another handful of dinner from the kitchen table, but says nothing else. You sigh, happy you don’t have to fight with him any further.

Still, it’s hard not to look at him when he catches the corner of your eyeline. It amazes you, that he’s remained on the floor, sitting on the steel grey carpet with folded legs and leaning back on his hands. He watches you with hawk-like eyes, following your fingers as you type out emails and cross out items on your miles-long to-do list.

It takes a long while, but you soon allow his presence to fall into the background of your thoughts, working diligently until he breaks your concentration.

“What?” you ask, turning to him.

He points to your water glass, which somehow had magically emptied itself since the last time you looked at it. “Do you want some more water?”

Thor’s tone is small, terrified of rejection. It wrenches at your heart, like a puppy tied to a tree without shade during a hot summer. Fuck, you think to yourself. He’s really damned good at this.

“Y-yeah,” you tell him, handing him the empty, room temperature glass. “Thanks.”

The man – now above you as he’s since gotten to his feet – gives a weak smile before grabbing the cup and walking away, sulking lightly.

Now you feel like you kicked the puppy that’s been tied to tree without shade during a hot summer. All that you can think of is the word fuck in varying volumes and degrees of desperation while you grit your teeth as you go back to your work.

You get a few more minutes of silence (whether the blessed or cursed kind, you can’t tell) while you forget why your lover left in the first place, only to be reminded of it when he comes back with not only the water, but a bowl of freshly picked strawberries – cut in half with the tops removed, just how you like it – and a fork. Your favorite snack, you think. Fucking Hell, he’s really laying it on thick, isn’t he?

“You know,” Thor says, leaving a kiss on your temple as he sets the glass down on its coaster and leaves the bowl right next to it. “you look really good in my hoodie.”

You’re nearing the end of everything you need to do – likely able to finish within the next few minutes or so. Thor doesn’t know that, though, and you’re sure not going to tell him.

“Thanks,” you reply, sipping at the ice water. “I’d look better if I was riding your dick while wearing it.”

You can hear Thor swallow, refusing to look at him as he drops to his knees once more, pressing kisses from your ankle to your knees.

“C’mon,” he moans, eyes already hooded. One of his hands – cold from the glass, makes goosebumps erupt over your skin. “Let me fuck you, let me make you feel good.”

You look down at him for a second, faux-hardened exterior threatening to crack when you catch those big, desperate eyes. “I can’t,” you say quickly. “You know this.”

Thor thumbs at the hem of your shorts, pulling at a thread that had come loose during their years of wear. “I know that if I felt you through your panties you’d be as needy as I am,” he mumbles.

You refuse to dignify him with a respond, instead turning back to your laptop. This was supposed to be your powerplay, damn it! You can’t let him see you flustered.

“C’mon love,” he coos, “Spread those legs for me, baby, please.”

Your hands fold themselves into fists, the pain of your nails digging into your palms the only thing keeping you from jumping Thor’s bones.

A small part of you wants to give in, wants to slam your laptop shut and push him onto his back so you can pull down his sweats and ride his cock in your office. It wants to give into him and his begging.

An even smaller part of you wants to draw this out – see how far he’s willing to go before he cracks.  

Either way, you still have one more email to answer and your patience for yourself and him is wearing thin.

“Babe,” you huff once more. “I just have to do one more th-“

“Can we just skip it?” Thor interrupts, fingers dancing around your thighs. “Can you just be kissing me now?”

Your mouth gapes for a second, trying to find a comeback. Each neuron in your brain seems to have stopped, though, so not a single word slips past your lips. In the silence, you find your breaking point.

You turn around, typing out the necessary response in the shortest way possible before gingerly closing your laptop and turning to the man who remains on the floor.

“I’m going to walk to our bedroom,” you tell Thor plainly. He’s nodding before you can finish. “And you’re going to stay here, facing the wall behind me, until I say you can move.”

Thor gulps but nods, knowing that if he follows direction he can only be rewarded.

“Good boy,” you tell him, getting up from your position it the chair so you can give him a small kiss on the forehead before you leave the room. When you cross the threshold into the hallway, you pause for just a moment – half expecting to hear the subtle creak in the floor as Thor attempts to expertly crane his neck to look behind him. Much to your delight you hear nothing but silence – the obedience flooding your abdomen with a satisfying warmth.

Once you’re in the bedroom, you strip before expertly positioning yourself – leaning against the sea of pillows and on top of the perfectly smooth covers.

“Alright,” you call out, hoping he can hear you. “You can come in now.”

It’s a split second later that you hear him jump to his feet and clumsily rush to the shared bedroom, losing all the grace of a king and a god as the desperation of a typical horny man took over control of his limbs.

Thor moans the second he lays eyes on you. It makes you laugh and spread your legs a little wider as he speaks. “Fuck, I need to kiss you.”

You smile and sit up straighter against the headboard. “Come do it then.”

Thor lunges to the bed without hesitation, crawling until he’s able to grasp your face with his large hands. His kisses are hot, passionate – nearly burning your skin as his body eclipses yours. “I wanna fuck you so bad,” he moans, grinding his growing bulge against your dripping core.

It’s hard to find the words to speak again, entire body focused on chasing the feeling of his clothed cock against your bare pussy. Somehow, though, you find an only-slightly snarky response in you. “Well, come do it then.”

Immediately Thor nearly growls, ridding himself of his too-tight pants and loose shirt and pulling you to him. Despite his size, it’s easy for you to maneuver him so his back hits the bed – grabbing him with your hand before spitting on his head and jerking him off.

“That feel good?” you murmur, reveling in the pleasure that paints Thor’s flushed face. “It feel good to finally have my hands on your dick after acting like a little brat for hours?”

Thor’s brain is too clouded to answer, unable to summon the power of speech as he finally gets what he’s wanted since he woke up that morning and found the other side of the bed cold, as you had already started your day hours prior.

Despite being nonverbal, you’re satisfied with the answer his body language gives you. Without any further delays (however how much you want to spend the next hour teasing him for what he pulled while you were trying to work), you align your center with his still-aching cock, moaning as he fills you just as full as ever.

You’ve been together for years – been fucking for even longer – but somehow each time feels like your first time together, your body both beautifully familiar and wonderfully forgetful when it comes to sex with Thor.

Soon, his large hands easily find your ass, digging into the skin as you fuck yourself down on his cock.

“Oh fuck,” he moans, his eyes screwing shut as his head falls back. “Shit, you feel so good.”

You give him a blissful smile, eyes rolled back in pleasure as he fills you oh-so deliciously.  “You gonna come, babe?” you ask, nails digging into his bare chest. “You gonna come inside me?”

Thor releases a guttural moan, gripping your soft flesh hard enough to bruise as he process what you’re asking. “F-fuck yes!” his voice etched with that deep, chesty pitch that takes over when he’s close. “Fuck I’m gonna fill you up and watch it drip out of your pretty little pussy!”

You grin, fucking yourself harder on his cock as the muscles under your palms contract, his hips bucking into you in time with your own movements.

“Be a good boy and cum for me,” you tell him, leaning down to leave kisses across his collarbones.

He does – just a few thrusts later – spilling inside you with a loud cry before his entire body becomes boneless against the sheets.

“Did,” Thor’s breathless as you collapse next to him, squeezing your thighs together as you feel him dripping out of you. “Did you-“

Equally as breathless you shake your head, kissing at his shoulder as you cuddle into his side. “It’s okay, just give me a few minutes to recover and then we can go again.”

Thor grins, wrapping his arm around you, heavy lids closing as your small snores begin to fill the room. “Good, because I need a nap after that.”

[curioussubjects]

come be a season 12 truther, baby, with me

In honor of tonight’s Berens/Glynn episode (!!!!), I’d like to take y’all on a magical journey in which I share why I think Dean and Cas got together in season 12. 

Keep in mind that this post takes for granted that Dean and Cas are in love with each other and that their relationship has been increasingly coded as romantic with each passing season. Consequently, what this post does is point out some key moments in their relationship and argue why they don't get together before 12. I'll also go briefly over 13 and 14 for reasons I'll explain later in the post. First, though, let me go over seasons 4 through 11, with some pit stops along the way:

Seasons 4 & 5: this isn’t the destiel you are looking for. the ust is delicious, yes, and i, too, got sucked in posthaste immediately groped by an angel lj community style. At this point Cas is still too alien for anything beyond the development we see on screen happen. HOWEVER, season 5 is the first time we get to see Cas being human (The End) and Cas being less connected to heaven and how that affects his behavior. This will matter. 

Seasons 6 & 7: the pining omg the pining. The notable things I want to point out with these seasons is a. this is the beginning of Cas doing things to spare Dean and it not ending well (Cas dies #1, soulless!Sam); b. Dean is v. sad; and c. we also start noticing the emotional toll of Cas’s divided loyalties and how human he has actually become since s4. Hurty feels all around.  

Season 8: purgaytory babes aw yeah! Still lots of terrible awful pining. This is a turning point with the addition of the bunker as tfw hq: we have a home in play now, a static emotional center. Cas is still off doing his own thing, Dean still wishes Cas would just let him (+ Sam) help out. Cas going off on his own leads to disaster #2 (Angels fall, Cas loses his Grace). For all deliciously angsty get together purgatory fics and spec, there’s too much of a gap between Dean and Cas on Cas’s part due to his guilt over betraying the Winchesters in s6 & slaughtering angels & leviathan. On the other hand, we do see Dean being more emotionally open, but to no avail. Bad timing. This is a trend. [oop also worth noting we get Dean being kinda done with the one night stand thing because always with the adios and ahem also hint hint Cas refusing to stay put]

Seasons 9 & 10: aka Dean and Cas make bad decisions, but mostly Dean. The biggest turning point here is Cas being human for an extended period of time. There is still plenty of spec over the effects of being human on Cas’s Grace and his Soul. What we can say for sure, though, is that Cas is much more human once he becomes an angel again. In contrast to s8, s9 sees Cas being vulnerable and Dean pushing him away (first because of Gadreel, which he didn’t want to do really and that’s even sadder kdjfgksdfj & later because he was pushing everyone away due to the mark).  

9.06 Heaven Can’t Wait: there’s been so much amazing fic and spec about this episode with its fanfiction gap, but I can’t see a deancas get together here, folks. I know, it’s terrible. The lying from Dean and the hurt from Cas, imo, make the distance between them quite insurmountable at this point. While the episode is amazing (Bobo’s debut, too! So ♥) and has some notorious subtext throughout, I just can’t see the character bridging that gap into anything physical, much less emotional. Nevertheless, this episode does show perhaps the first intentional romantic tableaux with Dean and Cas, and that’s not nothing. 

10.16 Paint it Black: from the point Dean gets the mark of cain until the end of season 10, anything between him and Cas is quite impossible. But one of the reasons I’m bringing up this episode in particular is because of the confession scene. For one, it’s a rare bit of emotional honesty from Dean and for two, it tells me that while he and Cas may be well aware of the thing between them, it’s still uncharted waters. Makes sense, too, there’s been A LOT going on since s6.  Anyway, he’s the full confession, so we can put a pin on it:

You know, the life I live, the work I do…I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later, I’d go out the same way that I live – pedal to the metal, and that would be it. [...]  Now, um… recent events, uh… make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And…I don’t know. I mean, you know, there’s – there’s things, there’s…people, feelings that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time. [...]  Yeah, I’m just starting to think that… maybe there’s more to it all than I thought.

Do you ever see a character having an epiphany and find yourself wanting to cry because this is it right here. Dean is just blatantly admitting he wants more, which all culminates in season 11, so...

Season 11: The pining is still here, but it’s worse now since it’s the whole plot? It’s been *checks calendar* 5 years of this. How are any of us still kicking I don’t know. Your slow burns could never. Cool worth noting points: Cas says yes to Luci (bad decision #2.5, lots of mitigating effects_I don’t actually hold it against him that much but Dean is another story & not entirely rational at this point); for the first time since the early days, Dean and Cas are on equal grounds: they’ve both fucked up a lot and have hurt each other. The issues this season are outside their dynamic. Amara and Lucifer here serve as externalizing forces for Dean and Cas’s problems and by the end of the season we’re getting a clean slate. We’re also getting a new showrunner, so. No wonder. What this season does that is also super important is that it sets up the stage for the possibility of an actual relationship between Dean and Cas, something that has, up until this point, been pretty much impossible. 

11.04 Baby: Y’all know what I’m about to quote here, right? The convo between Dean and Sam about having something with someone who understands the life. Here we still have Dean reverting to the idea that it’s impossible, which is a direct contrast to the openness in 10.16. It’s understandable, though, considering there’s been little reason to think anything like that would be possible (see all the mess and poor timing from seasons past). The quote in question, though, marks a continuing development in on of the things Dean is struggling with this season:

DEAN: Piper? That's awesome. Heather. One-night wonders, man. Shoot, we're lucky we still get that at all.  SAM: Really? You don't . . . Ever want something more? DEAN: I'm sorry, have you met us? We're batting a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs. SAM: You don't ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But . . . Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?

Compare this exchange with what we get from 11.11 and 11.19:

11.11 Into the Mystic: I’m bringing this episode as a crossreference to 10.16 and to show again that for all the closeness between Dean and Cas there’s still a marked distance they haven’t yet bridged. Thanks Mildred for the delicious exposition:

Darlin'...If there's one thing I've learned in all my years on the road, it's when somebody's pining for somebody else. [...]  Oh, don't try and hide it now. Follow your heart. Remember?

11.19 The Chitters: Continuing our trek regarding Dean wanting certain things we have this gift of an episode with Jesse and Cesar, and this exchange:

Dean: [with realization] Oh, so … [points back and forth to Jesse and Cesar] Cesar: Yeah. Dean: Okay, that’s… Cesar puts his beer bottle on the table and looks at Dean, while Jesse is being silent. Dean: What’s it like, settling down with a hunter? Cesar: Smelly, dirty. [turns to Jesse] Twice the worrying about getting ganked.

I’d like to point out, too that the fear of getting ganked is thematic when it comes to the tension between Dean and Cas. More on this when we hit s13. 

Alright, now having said that, let’s take a look at season 12. Bear in mind, this is the official start of Dabb’s era, even if he kinda began taking over in 11, and the change in vibes is obvious. In fact, 12 jumped out at me as a turning point in retrospect, after getting smacked by the domesticity of 13 and 14. Under the cut because I can’t shut up, and things are long enough as is. 

Season 12:  Finally, the promise land, y’all. So, what s11 was for Dean in terms of setting up the relationship stage, s12 was for Cas. In its initial beats, any way. Important to keep in mind that until the Kelly debacle, this was the longest Cas has been around the bunker. Things seem remarkably chill. Of course, we’ll notice that there’s still a lot of baggage hanging around because despite Dean and Cas being in a more stable place, they haven’t actually dealt with their interpersonal problems. I didn’t single out directly this episode, but do keep in mind Cas’s declaration in 12.09 First Blood as far as how much the Winchesters matter to Cas & how we also see Dean and Cas be particularly singled out with them seating together in the backseat of the Impala. 

12.10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: This episode, oh my god, the goodness. In the wake of 12.09 we have Dean and Cas in a tiff because Cas mistake #3 (killing Billie and “cosmic consequences”), this is a pattern. Twice the worry of getting ganked, etc etc. But where this episode really shines is through the contrast between Ishim’s obsession with Lily and Cas & Dean’s mutual affection for each other. Ishim sees no difference here and, to him, Cas’s feelings for Dean are a human weakness. Returning to my point about human!Cas, this episode underscores that Cas’s increasing humanity is what puts him in the place where he can want what Dean wants instead of either being too alien to get it (see s4 & 5) or unable to experience it properly (Ishim). 

12.12 Stuck in the Middle (With You): Cas’s trajectory culminates here with the whole I love you (@ Dean), I love all of you (@ Winchesters). Let’s note too that Cas is dying here, in a way that is much more human than going up in light. This declaration of different types of love is entirely human. It’s also a definitive step wrt to Cas and Dean’s relationship because of what happens in 12.19. This. is. it.

Offscreen happenings: Mixtape, how Cas knows the Colt is under Dean’s pillow. This is hella suspicious. 

12.19 The Future: This episode changes everything, y’all (bobo and meredith, folks, bobo and meredith ksjdhfakjshlfksd). Consider watching this episode again and pay attention to some weird things: 1. Dean’s reaction to Cas going awol. Compare it to Sam’s, who is like whoa Dean chill. Now, thought experiment, imagine something happened between Dean and Cas, and then just radio silence from Cas. Imagine how Dean would react with getting ghosted by Cas specifically after something happened between them.  2. Cas comes back to the bunker with the specific goal of stealing the Colt, which he already knew was under Dean’s pillow -- something Sam didn’t even know.  3. “He came into my room and he played me.” So, this quote right there, makes it seem like some seduction for personal gain, right? But Cas clearly knew where the Colt was already, which means something happened before  Cas came back to the bunker. Cas played Dean in seeming to have reconsidered not working with Sam and Dean wrt Kelly. This is still a point of drama, but it leads somewhere else (see s13 & s15). 4. WHEN DID DEAN GIVE CAS THAT MIXTAPE OMG 5. Dean and Cas’s brief convo in Dean’s room is clearly Dean just wanting Cas to stay, so they can work (and be) together -- because they’re better that way. Which, yeah, truth. 

Sequence of events: Cas tells Dean he loves him -- Dean is clearly shook by it -- Dean gives Cas a mixtape (romantic gesture, often a declaration of feelings; in true Dean speak too lolsobs) -- Cas somehow knows the Colt is under Dean’s pillow -- ???? -- Cas goes awol -- Dean acts like he got ghosted by his partner.

Like. Y’all realize they probably had some emotionally constipated getting together moment, right? Something that Dean clearly initially thought meant things were gonna change, now. Something that Cas couldn’t allow to happen until he could give Dean a win. Y’all are seeing this, yeah? I’m not saying they slept together and were full of feelings, except that’s kind of what I’m saying. But ymmv, there are other possibilities beyond sex. The full of feelings isn’t up for debate, though, even if the whole thing is informed by ridiculous amounts of miscommunication. 

Ok, maybe the narrative is still too subtle (?????), but as I said before, looking at 12 with the knowledge of 13 and 14 does offer a new perspective because of the difference in dynamic between Dean and Cas. I know lots of people look at 14, mainly, as having dialed back on the destiel side of things, but I always thought that was a strange take. Largely because they’re so domestic and their dynamic, ie, the lack of tension, reads like an established relationship. It’s a different kind of beast than we have been used to so far, so it does look alien on screen, especially since we “skipped” the conventional getting together cue that would let us change gears. Let’s take a look at 13 and 14, then.

Season 13: Ah, yes, the season of shit gets domestic. The pining? Gone? What? Deancas now reading like an established couple? It’s more likely than you think.

13.1-13.5: Dean’s grief mini-arc. Dude’s acting like a widower. We all know this. I want to gesture towards the reunion moment though with “it’s never too late to start all over again.” To. Start. All. Over. Again. I’m just saying. 

13.6 Tombstone: hi this episode is pure love and Dean is so happy his sweetheart is back from the dead? He’s even ok being Jack’s third dad now? What a time to be alive. Also? apparently Dean and Cas were just having movie night together? Dates? Mutual Pining dates prior to shit going to hell in 12? Do you ever cry? What else are they getting up to offscreen? What else will they get up to off screen? MUCH TO THINK ABOUT. 

Season 14: MORE DOMESTICITY. With some pining because Michael. But...heart eyes when Dean comes back? Watch that scene again with Dean going off to shower. Suspicious. But then shit hits the fan and we’re all sad again. boo. 

14.15 Peace of Mind: Look me in the eye and tell me Dean and Cas talking in the kitchen about Jack doesn’t read like husbands talking about their child. Look me in the eye and tell me Cas just texting Dean to gossip about Sam isn’t coupley asf. 

14.18-14.20: Ah, yes, the divorce arc. Awful. Terrible. The culmination of Dean’s problem in all this: he lashes out, he pushes Cas away, his anger is alienating. Cue all of us suffering. But while Dean is clearly in the wrong in how the deals with his feelings, let’s not pretend some of his anger doesn’t come from a long established issue between him and Cas, which had its last traumatic turn when Cas died in s12. Dean isn’t being rational here; he saw Cas doing something on his own, and he saw that his mother is dead. What else could happen? Why won’t Cas just trust they can work as a team? Divorce arc was entirely too literal. 

But what about what we’re building up in 15? That seems like it could be a getting together plot, too, right? Well, yeah. It could very well be. But I’d argue the tension we’re seeing isn’t a will they or won’t they because they already have. The tension is instead will they or won’t they use their words to talk about the baggage that has kept them from truly being confident about their relationship. There’s a crucial step in their togetherness that they’re still missing, which is also the bedrock of the divorce arc that spanned TWELVE FRIGGIN’ EPISODES. Y’all. Y’all that’s half a season. And we’re not even entirely done with it yet because Dean was cut short in purgatory, and they haven’t dealt with Cas’s side of blame in this mess yet either -- that Cas keeps going off on his own and getting hurt (and getting other people hurt), and Dean has to deal with the fallout. The deep emotional understanding, the truly being on the same page is what we’re on the edge of our seats for. And, you know, that’s a whole lot more exciting than witnessing their for realsies first kiss. I’m also confident Dabb & co will deliver the conclusion to this emotional arc and it will be a whole mess of feelings on all our parts. 

For the moment, though, it’s looking a lot like Dean and Cas had a rocky start to their ~involvement, then DEATH, then they got together feat. sweet sweet domestic fluff, then DIVORCE. So, yeah. Season 12, guys; it’s where it’s at. 

As for the more performative aspect of Dean and Cas’s relationship…that’s a whole other thing and all I can say is they got the green light for something, but I don’t know what it is and it’s driving me bananas, but it’s definitely something and we can talk about that, too. Place your bets, etc.  I’m clowning on the “I love you” pay off because it’s a glaring missing piece in this whole story. See also: holding hands? Carving Cas’s initials on the table? Saileen endgame parallels? All supported by the narrative. Like a lot. So. *finger guns*

[vulpesmellifera]

Fics I Read & Loved: May 2019

The April list is here.

I love coming up with these lists, but June and July were filled with lots of my own writing! So this one is very late, lol. Working on June’s list now. 

You get the 2019 list (Johnlock and Mystrade), and the 2018 list (so much Johnlock), plus a few Hannigram fics at the end. Don’t be surprised if you see a few Good Omens fics in next month’s list!

Sherlock Fic Recs for May 2019

Just a Cuppa by green_violin_bow. Mystrade. Explicit. 3,880 words. Exhausted after a case that required participation from both of them, Greg and Mycroft end up sharing a bed...I mean, seriously, what could happen?

The Old Familiar Sting by songlin. Johnlock. Teen. 2,961 words. Sherlock doesn’t want John to realize he’s autistic. 

That Teenage Feeling by akitsuko. Johnlock. Explicit. 12,397 words. John decides to try and set Sherlock up with a date. But when he sees a man flirt with Sherlock, he’s seized with jealousy. The jealousy is delicious.

In For a Pint by MissMilquetoast. Johnlock. Teen. 9,840 words. Sherlock, Greg, and Molly try to get John out in the dating game after Mary’s death. John doesn’t exactly appreciate it, and surprises them all.

Star Child by bookjunkiecat. Mystrade. Teen. 1,261 words. Mycroft is an unlikely candidate for a tattoo. But it means a lot to him. Turns out someone else he knows can appreciate it, too.

Winter in London by Waid. Johnlock. Not Rated. 45,112 words. Victorian AU and rape recovery fic. Holmes is knocked out and Watson deals with the last stages of a case. He tries to hide what happened from his friend. 

Welcome Home, John by slashscribe. Johnlock. Gen. 5,504 words. John returns to 221B a broken man. Sherlock is very considerate - a little too considerate. John begins thinking he might not be the only broken man.

Hurts and Comforts by Lavender_and_Vanilla. Mystrade. Not Rated. 2,112 words. Adorable ficlets - five in all! The last chapter is distinctly a sickfic, the others are all hurt/comfort, just a little something to touch your heart and make you smile.

Recovery by Tammany. Mystrade. Gen. 3,350 words. Mycroft suffers an assassination attempt that leaves him unsteady and in pain. Lestrade is a natural caretaker. Lovely short story.

Coffee, Lies, and Cheesecake by siriusblue. Mystrade. Teen. 1,516 words. Adorable coffee shop AU wherein Mycroft finds a nice, quiet coffee shop with a handsome barista. But the silver haired barista is not all he seems!

Barter System by brbsoulnomming. Johnlock. Explicit. 6,982 words. This one is sooo sweet. A touch of angst, too, but it’s perfect. Sherlock and John start a bartering system with their clothes. 

A Bit of Indulgence by beltainefaerie. Johnlock. Not Rated. 3,364 words. One of my favorite tropes! John and Sherlock run into an old army buddy of John’s while on a case at Pride.

Tempting by bookjunkiecat. Mystrade. Mature. 1,602 words. Smut and doughnuts, this is good!

Seize the Day by siriusblue. Mystrade. 1,664 words. Mycroft is a human rights lawyer having a bad day at work. Greg is a cute barista.

A Model Patient by EventHorizon. Mystrade. Teen. 1,800 words. A most humorous story of a government official’s illness and his model patient behavior.

The Golden Egg by bookjunkiecat. Johnlock. Mature. 4,259 words. Having John and Watson is all he could ever ask for. Things come to a head after an Easter egg hunt at Aunt Harry’s.

Shining Tigers by Tammany. Mystrade. Explicit. 2,428 words. Mycroft and Greg are mature men who get on with each other. It seems only natural for a comfortable courtship to unfold.

I Do by bookjunkiecat. Mystrade. Teen. 1,102 words. Greg starts having doubts the night before the wedding. Mycroft learns why.

A Little Bit of Irritation by thecount. Mystrade. Not Rated. 11,789 words. Sherlock dives off of a building. Greg is in trouble with the Met. Mycroft sets it right, and then, they find themselves getting closer, though it’s not easy.

Taking Care by Mice. Mystrade. Gen. 1,497 words. Greg comforts Mycroft directly after he events at Sherrinford.

The Hand of Friendship by Topicabo. Mystrade. Teen. 3,925 words. Sweet, sweet story (with just a teensy bit of angst) of a close friendship that tips into something more.

Mystrade Goes Grocery Shopping by Lavender_and_Vanilla. Mystrade. Gen. 1,659 words. Hahaha, Greg makes Mycroft go shopping. Cute little fic wherein Mycroft realizes there might be something to this suggestion.

Pebble by bookjunkiecat. Johnlock. Gen. 1,088 words. Holy fucking Christ, if this isn’t the cutest thing I’ve read recently.

What’s Warranted? by Lavender_and_Vanilla. Mystrade. Explicit. 1,285 words. Soft and sweet. Greg can’t find his warrant card, and he knows Mycroft must have stolen it in a bid for morning sex.

The Comfort of Touch by sanguisuga. Mystrade. Teen. 2,132 words. Greg comforts a touch-starved Mycroft after a grievous loss. Sweet and soft.

Can You See Me? by stripyjumpers. Johnlock. Teen. 10,139 words, John is going blind, and has no idea what to tell his flat mate. Beautiful little story.

Sherlock fics I loved in May 2018 are under the cut. So are the Hannigrams.

Sherlock Fic Recs from May 2018

Nature and Nurture by earlgreytea68. Johnlock. Mature. 203,273 words. I reread this recently, and it’s so fucking amusing. Mycroft leaves John and Sherlock with a clone baby. The new dynamic at 221B leads John to reconsidering where he stands with Sherlock. Post-Reichenbach. 

Full Disclosure by Itsallfine. Johnlock. Explicit. 7,032 words. John gets invited to a night out with army buddies and brings Sherlock along to try and deflect ridicule for showing up alone. Some things get said. 

Bridging the Ravine by SilentAuror. Johnlock. Explicit. 58,887 words. I think the Fake Relationship trope is my fave. John and Sherlock have to investigate a therapy centre for same-sex couples. Post-season four, so you know there’s a lot of drama!

Nothing to Make a Song About by emmagrant01. Johnlock. Explicit. 36,833 words. Sherlock lives a life without John for ten years after John breaks off their friendship when Sherlock returns. John gets divorced from Mary and returns to London. This is worth every reread.

Dawn Before the Rest of the World series by PoppyAlexander. Johnlock. Explicit. 65,164 words. This is sweet and John Watson is stupidly romantic while Sherlock is ridiculously buttoned up. Downton Abbey-esque.

Hitting the Water at Sixty Miles an Hour by what_alchemy. Johnlock. Explicit. 30,568 words. Hello Fake Relationship Trope, I love you. John, Sherlock, and Mycroft go gallivanting in Scotland for Mummy’s birthday. Sherlock told Mummy that he and John are engaged to get Mummy off his back about love and relationships. John goes along with it.

The Handler by saturn_in_retrograde. Johnlock. Explicit. 11,300 words. This one is hot. Alternate meeting - Sherlock is convalescing in the family home. John Watson shows up to apply for a job training dogs. 

Ghosting by johnwatso. Johnlock. Explicit. 22,590 words. John Watson has a tattoo that Sherlock knows he didn’t see before Reichenbach. He can’t help but obsess over it, forcing John’s hand and his own in exploring the nature of their relationship.

The Way to a Man’s Heart by SwissMiss. Johnlock. Teen. 21,273 words. John is living at Baker St after the death of Mary and the baby. Greg asks Sherlock to be his best man, which leads to tension between Sherlock and John. Then a connection to an old flame.

The Strait of Juan de Fuca by mightypog. Johnlock. Teen. 6,400 words. A gorgeous post-Reichenbach piece, where Sherlock takes John to Canada, and in the wilderness there, hopes to reconnect with his old friend and blogger.

Right Hand Man by SilentAuror. Johnlock. Johnlock. Explicit. 42,031 words. Mary and John get into a car accident that paralyzes John’s lower arm and hand. The baby is incoming, so Mary asks Sherlock to take care of John while she prepares for birth. 

A Very Sherlock Musical by flawedamythyst. Johnlock. Teen. 11,980 words. This one had me laughing. Sherlock won’t sing with anyone, and John is upset that Sherlock won’t sing their duet. 

If Equal Affection Cannot Be by blueink3. Johnlock. Explicit. 31,156 words. This is a beautiful story of estrangement and reunion, where Rosie is a pivotal character and Sherlock and John have many old feelings to deal with.

To Keep Quiet by Salambo06. Johnlock. Explicit. 11,091 words. The boys have been through a lot. Rosie and John come to stay temporarily at 221B Baker St. Beautifully told short story outlining their trials and tribulations after Mary and Culverton Smith.

What You’re Missing by kedgeree. Johnlock. Mature. 16,339 words. Sherlock is disdainful toward love, and John decides he needs to show him what he’s missing, and why that’s important. 

Through the Clouds by Mazarin221B. Johnlock. Explicit. 20,004 words. Sherlock surprises John with an early retirement, but he convinces John to join him in Sussex. What follows is a lovely story of two men getting together. 

A Diseased Fancy by J_Baillier. Johnlock. Mature. 85,088 words. Spooky, creepy, and awesome. Sherlock and John get complicated, and then Victor Trevor shows up. Shit gets weird. An awesome story. Did I say awesome already?

A Case for Domestic Propinquity by SilentAuror. Johnlock. Explicit. 32,308 words. Renovations are underway at Baker Street, and Sherlock is wondering how he can convince John to stay with Rosie. But there are a lot of truths to uncover.

Never (Turn Your Back to the Sea) by DiscordantWords. Johnlock. Explicit. 39,968 words. This is a fantastic story. Sherlock wants John to stay but John just visits with Rosie. Eurus is kind of a bitch, but she eventually gives Sherlock the key.

A Wizarding Barista’s Field Guide to Seducing a Muggle by paradigmfinch. Johnlock. Teen. 29,344 words. I mean, this is just one of the cutest things I’ve ever read. 

On the Losing Side by missselene. Johnlock. Explicit. 8,210 words. Sherlock and John stumble into a physical relationship, and they don’t talk about it.

Time on my hands by mildredandbobbin. Johnlock. Mature. 7,179 words. I love this one. Sherlock decides to go cottaging. John eventually finds out.

State of Flux by Atiki. Johnlock. Explicit. 24,655 words. Sherlock and John slide into a relationship without Sherlock really realizing. The couch scene is one of my favorite things in this.

Sussex by SilentAuror. Johnlock. Explicit. 26,640 words. Casefic and bed-sharing and post-Reichenbach, oh my!

The Moonlight and the Frost by CaitlinFairchild. Johnlock. Explicit. 77,349 words. Mycroft and Sherlock insist John goes back to Mary for his safety. Eventually, John has had enough of everyone else making decisions for him. 

Masters of Ink by IndyBaggins. Johnlock. Explicit. 67,482 words. What a great AU, and what angst! John and Sherlock are tattoo artists competing on a reality show. 

Recovery by mainegirlwrites. Johnlock. Mature. 26,935 words. Sherlock is attacked while on a case and is disfigured. John takes care of him.

A Fold in the Universe by darkest_bird. Johnlock. Explicit. 152,875 words. This is an interesting concept and a fun story. Alpha Sherlock and Omega John are in a relationship in one world. Sherlock and John are not. Somehow, John and Omega John swap worlds. 

Hannigram

Marriage of Inconvenience by fragile-teacup. Explicit. 3,563 words. Why do I love Hannibal and Will together so much? This short fic is and many other fics like it are part of the reason why. In this one, Hannibal is being deported! Will offers up a solution.

This Dangerous Game by MissDisoriental. Explicit. 270,260 words. This one is a fantastic historical AU set in London at the time of Jack the Ripper. Will is visiting from America and on the case. Hannibal is fascinated by this young, intelligent man.

Kindling by gleamingwholeanddeadly. Explicit. 1,769 words. Hannibal has a clingy patient. Will pretends to be his date at a social event where the patient will attend.

Prey by Miss_Lv. Explicit. 6,959 words. Hannibal meets Will in the woods. He comes to discover more about himself after violent and sexual interactions with the strange hermit.

[artistic-writer]

The Contract :: CS Omegaverse :: Ch 2

Title: The Contract Rating: E Summary: Emma had never wanted much in her life, despite being married to one of the richest men in the world. For ten years she has felt like a prisoner in her own marriage, denied the one thing she wants the most, but her husband cannot help but bargain her want like a cheap business deal.  Enter Killian Jones, the Alpha her husband has hired to make sure she gets what she wants. And then some. A/N: This is an Omegaverse fic featuring A/B/O dynamics.  Whilst this varies from fandom to fandom, for the purposes of my fic, there will be no mpreg.  Just so you know.  There will however be knotting, breeding, heats and other delicious things that come along with A/B/O.  If you do not know what A/B/O is, feel free to message me :)  Many thanks to @hollyethecurious @kmomof4 @darkcolinodonorgasm​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ and @effulgentcolors​ for letting me bounce my complicated ideas of you lol

Also, I am no longer doing a tag list.  This is something I have struggled with because of memory issues, so to be fair to everyone, and to make sure you don’t miss out, you should allow notifications or subscribe on AO3.  If you wish to stay away from this fic, blacklist the A/B/O tag.

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Killian Jones was frustrated. His life hadn’t exactly taken the turn it was supposed to, being an Alpha and all. He was happy, there was no denying that fact, and like most Alphas, he could have his pick of any Omega he wanted. Only, Killian Jones had neglected to fuck anything outside of a Beta for reasons unknown. Maybe he was shy? No that wasn’t it. Killian was a proud Alpha, maybe a little on the small side, but his physical strength and quick tongue made up for his lack of a well defined stomach and bulging Alpha muscles any day.

Or so the ladies had told him. Maybe they were just being nice in the hopes of getting knotted.

But he was still frustrated. Killian Jones had never knotted anything other than a rut toy, only dreaming of the feeling of being tied to another. It wasn’t like an Alpha to feel this way, or yearn for the contact of an Omega so badly, but Killian couldn’t help but feel like his life missed that vital piece. There was a big, gaping hole in his life and in his heart, that he had resigned himself to accept would never be filled.

His brother, Liam Jones, owned a bar and had done since Killian was a kid. He remembered fond memories of Liam taking him to work, sitting him in the corner of the grimy, dive bar and telling him to keep his head down whilst he worked and earned their crust. Liam didn’t actually own the bar back then but worked for the previous owner instead, and neither of them were old enough to realise what Killian would become.

Becoming an Alpha was something Killian was proud of. He could hold his head up high and say that he had become something. Only, he hadn’t really. He was currently unemployed, which was basically the same as being castrated. Alpha’s were supposed to be successful, the top of their game, but all Killian could manage was dead end security jobs and the odd shift here and there in Liam’s bar. He had friends, flocks of people who wanted to say they knew an Alpha, but none of them meant anything really. When the chips were down, there was only one thing an Alpha could rely on, and that was themselves.

Killian had his brother Liam and his friend Will, also Alphas. The three of them had been inseparable as teens, creating all sorts of mischief in their town, but now they had all grown into Alphas and that came with a certain set of expectations, all of which, Killian, at the age of thirty-two, had yet to fulfill. He was unbonded, plagued by the scents of Omegas that were nothing more than a temptation for his primal instinct, and on top of that, he was jobless.

Killian Jones was broke, and he needed not to be.

“You should just take my advice,” Will slurred. He rocked back on his barstool, tossing the last dribble of alcohol down his throat from the glass in his hand.

“And sell myself?” Killian squeaked, aghast. He watched the rum swirl around the bottom of his glass, shaking his head at his friend’s suggestion. “No thanks, mate.”

Will slammed his glass down on the bar, making Killian jump. “It’s not selling yourself,” Will insisted, waving Liam over to their position. “William Jones!” He sang, grinning from ear to ear, his eyes wide with excitement.

Liam sighed as he approached, rubbing the inside of a glass with a towel. “My name is not William.”

Will screwed up his face. “Of course not,” he scoffed with a wrinkled nose. “There can’t be two of us named Will.”

“Well, there could,” an equally as drunk Killian countered.

“You’re right, mate, there bloody well could be,” Will agreed, swaying sideways.

“Did you call me for any particular reason?” Liam interrupted, flicking the slightly damp towel over his shoulder and leaning forward on to the bar.

“Oh, Liam! Good, you’re here,” Killian observed drunkenly as if his brother hadn’t been there the whole time. He licked his slightly dry lips before taking a breath and pointing to Will. “Now, tell Will here that I have no need for any of his schemes.”

“Schemes?” Liam asked, looking to Will.

“I simply suggested that your brother here,” Will emphasized by slapping Killian on the shoulder. “Takes my advice and takes the job I’m offering him.”

“It’s not a job.” Killian shook his head.

“You’re right, it’s a bloody privilege,” Will countered.

“What job?” Liam’s interest was piqued.

“It’s bloody prostitution,” Killian slurred.

“What job, lads?” Liam insisted in a parental tone. “Tell me now, or the bar’s closed.”

Will and Killian looked between each other and then back to Liam as if he had just punched them both in the face. “Alright, mate, no need to get larey.” Will scrunched his nose and Killian made a childish noise through his grin.

“Larey?” Liam echoed, high voice jumping higher. “Quite the contrary. If you have an idea that would get my little brother back into work and off my sofa, I would like to hear it.” He looked between the two men as if they were naughty children being scolded.

“Younger,” Killian grumbled through a burp in the back of his throat. “Nothing about me is little, brother, I assure you.”

Will laughed, deep and throaty, nudging Killian with a cheeky smile. “Exactly why I’m offering you this opportunity.”

“What opportunity?!” Liam shouted, slapping his hand down on the bar, silencing the near empty pub. A few men stopped their drinking, turning to look over to the three of them, before realising there was nothing worth stopping for and resuming their consuming.

Will tutted, rolling his eyes back in his head and slumping his shoulders as if Liam should already know. ”Knot for hire!” he declared enthusiastically, ignoring the way Killian brushed off his words with an exasperated sigh.

“I beg your pardon?” Liam blinked.

“Knot for hire!” Will repeated, rapping his knuckles on the bar proudly, ignoring the way Liam slowly blinked again. “You know,” he encouraged, “when an Alpha-”

Liam stopped him quickly, halting him with a wave of his hand. “I know what it means.”

“It’s bloody mad,” Killian declared, the room spinning.

“It’s bloody brilliant,” Will countered, shuffling himself forward on his stool until his knees bumped into the underside of the bar. “Imagine, fucking for money-”

“Like a prostitute,” Killian interrupted hastily.

“Like a professional,” Will said quickly. “All you have to do is give ‘em a taste of what they will never have! And not only that, you get paid to do it.”

“I can’t just knot on command,” Killian said defensively, the tips of his ears turning a rosy pink.

“You don’t actually knot ‘em,” Will shrugged.

“Then I can’t just-,” Killian scoffed, but he was quickly interrupted by his friend.

“It’s not that hard,” Will chuckled. “You just imagine the most beautiful lass you’ve ever seen, or lay back and think of England.”

“God save the Queen,” Liam added, smirking when Killian’s eyes met his.

“You can’t seriously think this venture to be a good idea?” He scoffed.

“Why not?” Liam shrugged, looking his brother up and down. “You’re a handsome young fellow with nothing but love to give,” he snorted, trying to finish his words before the laugh caught up with him. Killian shot him a glare and Liam covered his mouth to stifle another laugh. “Oh come on, Killian. You think I haven’t heard you in my bathroom? My walls are not that thick, brother,” he smirked.

Killian’s cheeks turned the same colour as his ear tips, only just hidden by the overbar lighting that cast a dim orange glow over the three of them. Liam was right, in the most embarrassing of ways.

“Say I do agree to this,” Killian began, waving a finger at Will. “What’s in it for me?”

“You mean aside from the obvious?” Will winked cheekily but Killian just took a breath in frustration. “Alright then, let’s see.” He studied his friend, cocking his head from side to side as he sized him up, even going as far as to peel the sides of Killian’s jacket open to ‘inspect the goods’. “At your age-”

“Hey now, watch it mate,” Killian warned.

“I’d say about five to ten,” Will estimated, waving a hand from side to side in front of himself.

“Hundred?” Liam asked eagerly, the idea of getting his brother out of his flat too tempting.

“Thousand,” Will clarified, much to the shock of both Jones brothers. “More if someone really wants you.”

“That’s a lot of money,” Liam thought aloud.

“What do you mean by, ‘really wants you’? Killian asked his friend with a suspicious glare.

Will shrugged, his whole body moving. “They pick us out of a book, mate, I don’t know. All you have to do is be an Alpha with desirable traits.”

“Well, that’s me out then,” Killian sighed, deflated. He had never been as big and imposing as his brother, or as muscular as other Alphas. “Desirable traits I have not.”

“But have you looked in the mirror lately?” Will grabbed Killian’s shoulder and turned his friend until he was facing him. “Perfect blue eyes, just the right amount of hot to get ‘em going, and you know as well as I do, mate, that you can certainly turn on the charm when you need to.”

“I am hotter than you,” Killian grinned wickedly, nudging his friend with his elbow.

“Yes, you are,” Will agreed earnestly. “And if some rich Beta is willing to pay seven grand for me to fuck ‘em, just imagine what you could get.”

And Killian did. All night, in fact. He tossed around on the uneven cushions of Liam’s sofa two or three times before he decided enough was enough. Living with his brother had its perks, but it also had the inevitability that came from two Alphas living in such close quarters. So far, their ruts had never coincided, but it was only a matter of time before they synced and were at each other's throats.

Killian pushed himself over, fumbling around in the darkness for his cell phone nearby. He located it quickly, tugging the charging cable from the device and flopping back into position on the couch. The screen lit up the entire room when he unlocked it, the blue light dilating his pupils in the darkness. Killian located Will’s contact information, sending him the quick text message that would seal his fate, one way or another.

“I’m in.”

--

“This is a bad idea,” Killian whispered to himself as he drove up the very long driveway and the home of his first client came into view. It was massive, the outside as white as snow and every surface visibly as smooth as marble. Maybe it was marble, who knew? All Killian knew was that as he pulled up in his slightly worse for wear black Chevelle SS, the sound of the engine was drowned out by how awesome a sight the mansion was. Even the stones on the driveway were white, the chalking dust sticking to his tyres as the wheels crunched over them, the brakes only squeaking a little as he pulled to a stop directly outside the front door.

Killian let out a steadying breath, knuckles white with how hard he was gripping the steering wheel. Nervous didn’t cover how he felt. Will had assured him that when an agent of Mr. Humbert’s had approached him to go over some ‘important details regarding discretion’, that it was normal, par for the course, but now he was at the house, Killian couldn’t help but feel a little intimidated. Graham Humbert was a man well known, but not for what he was, but for what he wasn’t. Graham Humbert was a Beta, born into a long line of Alphas, and the man had an ego the size of a large country to compensate.

Intimidated just a little bit, Killian forced himself from the car and closed the door behind him. Somehow the house looked even bigger from the bottom of the twelve, huge, smooth, white stoned steps that stretched across the entire front of the house, but Killian decided that he had come this far. It was only a consultation of sorts, to see how ‘compatible’ he would be with the client, still a mystery in Killian’s eyes.

Was it Graham? Was there such a need for high discretion because the world’s most famous non-Alpha was actually gay? Killian himself was not opposed to male company, but as an Alpha, he was always in charge, something he didn’t think a man like Graham Humbert would submit to easily. Maybe Killian was wrong and he would, blaming the stresses and strains of his high profile lifestyle for his need to feel so wanton. With a shake of his head, and a quick mental reminder of just how much Graham Humbert had offered him for his services - $12,000, introductions pending - Killian reached out and pressed his finger to the doorbell button and waited.

After what seemed like forever, the heavy door swung open and a shorter than average man with a scruffy beard and bald head appeared, dressed in a neatly pressed suit that barely held in his rotund stomach. Killian almost arched his brow at the man before him, white gloves and all, looking like a butler out of a Batman comic book scene. The man looked him up and down, lips curling in almost a snarl, before waving him in with a swift motion of his arm.

“Killian Jones,” Killian said quickly, offering his hand to the man when he turned to him after closing the door.

“Hmm,” the man grunted, almost a look of disgust in his eyes. Killian withdrew his hand, swallowing hard. “Mr. Humbert is just seeing to some business,” the man began, not waiting for Killian to follow him before trundling off across the expansive lobby. Killian fell into step and almost collided with the shorter man when he stopped abruptly, turned to face him and let out a brackish tut. “Wait in here and he’ll be down in a few moments.”

Before Killian had time to agree, the man was sliding two huge doors apart before ushering him inside of what seemed to be a study, rolling the doors closed behind him. A silence followed, just the crackle of an open fire to break up the buzzing in Killian’s ears that was somehow still louder than his hammering heartbeat. He stepped further into the room which was quintessentially masculine.

In front of the open fire were two huge wingback chairs, the leather upholstery as soft to the touch as it looked when Killian ran his fingers over the dimples of the wide headed furniture tacks around the edges. Above the dark wood fire surround was a huge deer head, the twelve-point buck stuffed and attached to a mount, the lifeless eyed taxidermy clearly a trophy of some kind. Killian couldn’t stop the sound in the back of his throat as he looked around the room, the grunt that of disbelief at how far a Beta would go to appear Alpha.

Sprawled out across the floor was a huge bear skin, the dark hairs clearly indicating what was once a huge Grizzly. Killian had no doubt Graham had shot the animal himself, the misfired buckshot visible right over the animal’s shoulder as tiny bald patches in the pelt. Behind one of the chairs was a huge desk, some expensive hardwood that had been polished to within an inch of its life, the whole surface almost bare apart from two things, both of them photographs.

One was of his family, more specifically the men, standing abreast in front of the house. They were all wearing the same suit, tops hats and coattails, with Graham front and center. It must have been taken a while ago, the youth still evident in Humbert's face. The other was in the exact same position, only the men had been replaced by women, all smiling and laughing in the direction of the camera. That was, except for one of them. The woman in the center, more accurately, the girl, was not as happy as the gaggle of identically dressed bridesmaids and flower bearers around her. She was smiling, but not in the same way as the others. It was forced, and her downcast stare that many others might see as shyness was clearly sorrow.

Killian reached out, fingertips lightly brushing down the side of the woman’s cheek in a silent apology, when the sound of the doors rolling open roused him from his thoughts. His gaze lingered on her a little longer, almost feeling her warmth through the pane of glass in the frame as he imagined how soft her skin was. She was beautiful, even in her sadness, and Killian had never felt the tug in his heart for a Beta before, even during his rut.

���Mr. Jones,” Graham called out, making sure the doors were closed behind him.

Killian turned, nervously balling his hands and stuffing them into the pockets of his suit pants. Will had told him to make an impression on the wife, so he had opted for a dark blue suit and a white collared shirt unbuttoned to expose just the right amount of chest hair. He had trimmed his beard length to just the right amount, soft curled red hairs mingled with dark brown tempting and grabbable. His shoes were shined, his hair swept aside and seamlessly styled as if by a higher being, and if the way Graham Humbert was looking at him was anything to go by, he’d done alright.

“Mr. Humbert.” Killian greeted the man before him, stepping forward and pulling a hand from his pocket. He offered it to Graham, who took it and gave it a hard squeeze as he shook it.

“Thank you for coming,” Graham said, motioning for him to follow him. The room was an odd shape and just around a hidden corner was a small dining table with a couch on each side. Graham walked over to them, offering Killian to sit with a flat palm directed at the couch, which Killian accepted with a nod and sat. “I’ve something of a proposal.”

Graham’s statement took him back and Killian arched a brow, fidgeting nervously on the slightly too low couch cushion. “Forgive me, sir, but you are aware of the services offered by my employer?”

Graham smirked as he took his place opposite Killian, running his finger over his bottom lip. “I am,” he said simply, finally looking up to the Alpha who was everything he was not. “Look, let me just cut to the chase here. You see, I have a wife.”

Killian’s lips twitched into a smirk. Will had told him that it was not unusual for rich Beta husbands to need an Alpha to satisfy their wives, and Graham was not disappointing, but the next words out of the wretched man’s mouth shocked him.

“And a mistress,” Graham added nonchalantly. Killian looked up and tried his hardest not to be judgemental. If Graham’s wife was indeed the solemn woman from the photograph, then he was a fool. “And whilst my wife is a woman of needs, I prefer my mistress if you get what I am saying.”

“Aye,” Killian agreed through gritted teeth. “I guess that’s where I come in?”

“I hope so,” Graham sniggered. “My wife is-.” Graham paused, looking up with thought. He rolled his bottom lip under his teeth, a sly grin spreading across his features at the thought of how defiant a woman Emma really was. “One of a kind,” Graham said finally, his words laced with sarcasm.

“She’s demanding?” Killian enquired, trying to keep the conversation as business like as possible. Graham gave him a nod. “Mr. Humbert, can I be honest with you?” Killian lowered his head and heaved a huge breath.

“Of course, Killian,” Graham replied, sitting back and puffing out his chest in mock dominance. Killian narrowed his eyes suspiciously at his name on Graham’s lips. “What? You didn’t think I would hire someone to fuck my wife without knowing everything about him, did you?” Graham pushed himself to his feet and began walking around the room, revelling in the many items that littered his den. “Killian Jones, thirty-two, single Alpha with no current employer, besides the agency of course, who lives with his Alpha brother following some trouble with the police. Did I leave anything out?”

“It seems not,” Killian answered, his voice low as he watched the Beta move.

“No, it would not. You see, my wife means a lot to me, despite our differences,” Graham began, moving around the room once again. He ignored Killian’s gaze as he walked past, setting a course straight for his huge oak desk and falling back into the luxurious tanned leather chair. “And I don’t want to see her get hurt.”

Killian nearly bit his tongue in half, choking on a cough as he tried to abstain from laughing. Graham looked up at the sound but Killian quickly covered it as a cough. “Of course,” he offered reassuringly.

Graham kept his eyes fixed on Killian for a moment longer, sizing him up from across his desk. Killian kept his gaze, blinking slowly, trying to read the man in front of him but Graham was not giving up anything with his emotions. Killian was finding him hard to read and was about to excuse himself, when Graham reached into a drawer beside him and pulled out a wad of cream coloured paper that was clipped together in the top corner.

“This is a list,” he told Killian, thumbing the small stack of paper whilst motioning for Killian to join him at the desk. Killian rose to his feet, crossing the distance to Graham’s desk and setting himself down in the chair opposite. “Of do’s and don'ts with my wife.”

“It looks extensive,” Killian observed.

“It is,” Graham agreed without a smile. Graham Humbert was a rich man with a mistress, so Killian doubted that he cared much for his wife as anything more than property, and the next words out of the vile man’s mouth confirmed it for him. “A contract, if you will.”

“Alright,” Killian agreed, taking the ‘contract’ and flicking through a few pages.

It was crass, degrading and that was just the references Graham was making to his wife. ‘Spouse’ was the only thing that Killian could actually read without feeling disgusted by the man. Who was he to refer to his wife like she was something he owned? Even if she was a Beta and Killian had only seen her in a photo, he couldn’t stop his protective nature from rearing its head, the hand on his knee curling into a fist.

“Take a moment.” Graham stood, walking around the desk whilst Killian stared blankly at the words in front of him. He stopped near the mantlepiece surrounding the now low burning fire. The embers burned hot, glowing in the pit just enough to illuminate Graham in a glow of red, and the photographs over the fire were all of Graham, not a single one of his wife. “I’m a busy man,” Graham told him, inspecting his fingernails. “Let’s get this deal arranged so we can be on our way.”

Killian paused for a second, the rage inside of him for the man who had summoned him bubbling just under the surface. Graham was not an Alpha but he was going out of his way to make himself seem like one, and the worst kind at that. Most Alpha’s were kind, gentle and with the exception of their ruts, willing to tolerate most things in life. Graham Humbert was not, an Alpha or tolerable it seemed, and his poor wife was to pay the price, cast aside like a term in a negotiation. Killian was going to tell him that he had never done this before, that he probably wasn’t worth the money Graham as offering, but then he talked himself out of it.

“Aye, let’s,” Killian ground out, pushing himself to his feet and moving to stand near Graham. The Beta inhaled hard, making himself look unnecessarily larger, but Killian just ignored him. Fucking his wife would be glory enough.

“First of all, some ground rules," Graham said way louder than he needed to. "Under no circumstances are you to accept any oral favours from my wife." Graham's voice had dropped lower, as if he was trying to intimidate. "But I'm sure she likes it, so give her all she wants."

Killian's brow pulled together for an instant at Graham's words. Shouldn't a man know what his wife likes?

"I'd ideally like you to service her here, in the house, but she feels it would sully our marital bed." Graham rolled his eyes, sighing heavily as if he had been forced into the next decision. "She has an apartment in the city that will do just fine for your needs."

"Alright-," Killian began but was cut off quickly.

"But there are to be no rendering of services until I have signed off on it, do you understand?"

"I do," Killian ground out, flicking his eyes back down to the document in his hand, sure his blackened eyes would give away his anger.

"My wife likes lingerie, but if she wants you to buy anything new for this little venture, then you will not be reimbursed for expenses, understood?"

"That seems fair." Killian nodded slowly.

"God knows you will have enough payment to buy it yourself," Graham muttered. Clearing his throat after his words. "Oh, and Killian?" Graham paused, waiting for the Alpha to look up at him.

"Yes?" Killian faked the sweet tone to his voice.

"Don't come in my wife," Graham ordered, fixing his stare on Killian.

Killian felt the tips of his ears burn and hoped his cheeks hadn't accompanied them in his blush. Will had told him that some husbands could be oddly specific but Graham was a new level of forthcoming. Killian swallowed hard, the mere thought of knotting the blonde beauty in the photograph making his stomach flutter.

"Good," Graham concluded, taking Killian's silence as his agreement. "I've heard the appeal of sleeping with an Alpha is the knot, but I am paying you a lot of money to just fuck her until she feels good. There would be no need to ruin a good thing now, would there?"

"Don't knot your wife, got it." Killian ground his teeth again, the muscles in his jaw ticking and making his ears wiggle.

"You are not to see her without my prior knowledge, is that clear?" Graham pointed a finger at him, pacing back around his desk and not waiting for an answer. “Do you have a set schedule?” Graham asked. “Do you have other clients?”

“No,” Killian assured him. “Your wife is the only one right now.”

“Good,” Graham said a little louder than necessary. “Then you will be exclusive to my wife, when and where she wants, am I understood?”

Killian didn’t like his tone and everything inside of him screamed to make Graham see who was the real Alpha in this room, but sadly he needed the money more. What Graham was offering was the highest amount ever offered to an Alpha before, especially one who had never even had a client, and Killian couldn’t help but wonder why. All of Graham’s body language was telling him that he was intimidated, so why such a huge financial offer?

“Aye, I do,” Killian agreed, licking his lips.

“With my approval, of course,” Graham nodding, seeking Killian’s agreement. “And this whole venture is strictly confidential, do you understand? There is a non-disclosure agreement on the back page which you will have to sign in order to get paid.”

“Will you tell me why you chose me out of all the other Alphas?” Killian asked suddenly, breaking Graham from his thoughts.

Graham smiled a sickly sweet grin and Killian saw him tighten his jaw. “She picked you.” A boyish smirk played across Killian’s lips, despite Graham’s misogynistic degradation of his wife. Graham fished around in his pocket, pulling out his cell phone. “Come in,” he said idly, pressing the device to his ear. “He’s here.”

Killian has no time to ask who Graham was calling before it became clear, a side door at the far end of the den creaking as it opened, and a woman stepping into view. It was the woman from the photograph, brought to life in front of him, and Killian jumped to his feet as she approached. Graham was at her side in a few steps, almost stopping her from reaching him, and throwing a protective arm around her waist. She smiled, but Killian could see it was forced, her body leaning away from her husband in disgust.

“Mr. Jones, this is my wife, Emma,” Graham announced, looking her up and down beside him. “Emma, this is-”

“Jones,” Killian stepped forward to close the gap Graham had created between them and reached out his hand. “Killian Jones.” Emma reached out her hand to shake his, but with a twist of his wrist, Killian had her fingers curled around his and was kissing the back of her hand in greeting. He felt her skin on his lips, warm and moisturized, and he couldn’t stop himself from imagining the rest of her body just as supple. She didn’t pull her hand away, her fingers tightening over his instead, and when Killian looked up to her once more, there was a new smile on her face.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Emma,” Killian said a little too huskily.

His throat had become dry, the dress she was wearing leaving nothing to his imagination, her cleavage so amply nestled behind the fabric, it was hard to look away. When he did finally look back up to her eyes, they were the most beautiful shade of amber-green he had ever seen, so soulful and happy and yet laced with sadness he could only imagine to comprehend. It bothered him, his natural Alpha instinct to care itching just under his skin, and it didn’t help when the beaming smile on her face faded to a slight smirk.

“Well?” Graham prompted, nudging her with his elbow. “Don’t tell me you are shy now.”

Emma didn’t seem to hear him at first, her eyes flickering over the Alpha in front of her like he was her saviour. Her face filled with more colour, a pink hue rising over her cheeks as she bit down on her lower lip and locked eyes with the blue of Killian’s again.

“The pleasure is all mine,” she said finally, her face erupting into a grin.

“I hope so,” Killian smirked. “Or I wouldn’t be much of an Alpha, would I?” He gave her a soft smile, a reassuring nod and just for good measure, a cheeky wink that made her blush under his gaze.

[hereliesbitches--me]

SHIPPING INFO // Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

REPOST. Don’t reblog.

Tagged by: @monsieur-de-paris​

What’s your OTP for your Muse?

At the moment, my most developed ship is Rosie and (@osteum‘s) Eddie Brock. Its my deepest passion for that reason, with the kind of dynamics they share, and the amount of interactions that stem around their association to each other. They have a whole family of 6 kids together (including the new addition of Dylan from the current Venom run) and honestly the ups and downs are what I live for. Its the chance I get to explore Rosie’s life as a Mom and a Wife and how she deals with it, mixed in with the regular events of her canon. How she deals with this deep love she has for Eddie and their family beyond any sane reason, and that butters my bread.

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

Generally anything? As long as im comfortable with my partner, and how Rosie feels towards the said muse, its almost free range. Naturally im not gonna be too cozy with the extremes but If it serves plot purposes maybe I can budge. I can’t really say my own limitation mostly because half the time I don’t really know my limits until suddenly its in my face and too much, then I go “Woah alright, thats enough”

Naturally, anything shipping related needs to be something I can realistically see happening with Rosie. And she’s a hard bird to crack.

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

Rosie really a grownass woman with kids, and she’s immortal so she’s more likely than not older than her partner. But Rosie is not gonna date not teenager that could be her kid. Im not gonna flip my shit over huge age gaps as long as there’s good chemistry but Rosie isnt gonna date someone who’s like.. under 25. It largely depends on the maturity of a person that will be the hit or miss with her.

She tends to be interested in older muses either way,  It all varies by what gets plotted in a verse, but Rosie is a little more open to the idea of an older partner than she is someone younger. Even if she’ll never look past 32

Are you selective when shipping

At this point in time, im a tired old lady that literally just wants people to care for Rosie beyond being a tool for romance, so yeah. Im selective( arent we all?), but im generally open minded if we already chatted out some interesting dynamics. In the end, Rosie may be a sick person, but im not gonna have her jump dick or look for some V to slay just because she’s not that desperate of a character. If you wanna love Rosie, there’s gonna be a lot of baggage that is involved from emotional trauma and her off personality, along with her having kids ,

but if you’re ready to explore that field, im open. I just dont want something half assed, ya know? Need a partner thats just as enthusiastic about the ship as me, not someone just collecting her as a angsty neko girl they can go to whenever they don’t get what they want from someone else. Im a hella go big or go home type of Gal. I dont wanna end up looking dumb or making a fool out of Rosie for caring about a ship my partner doesn’t feel the same passion for. Im too tired to get treated like that. And Rosie deserves better than that.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

The moment dirty words start getting thrown in and the heavy petting turns into intentional acts of trying to turn her partner on, its nsfw and its going under read more. I have to be highly comfortable with my partner to actually be writing it but im not against it. Although it has yet to actually happen on my blog besides Rosie’s dirty jokes. Who knows what the future holds.

Who are other muses you ship your muse with

Atm, Rosie’s partners all have their separate verses and I fucking love them all 

@quantahope with Rosie’s spaceman, Wendell. Its still in development but man is it delicious suffering and growing

@maxskulline has dragged me into the pokefandom with Max and Guzma, so Rosie and Max have that close BFF friendship with that touch of intimate passion thrown in there.

@fcllenstcr Rosie’s infamous relationship with the devil who’s nothing but trouble. There’s a lot of background history that goes into the relationship, but give em a few thousand years and suddenly Rosie finds herself the new Queen of Hell keeping the old snake in line.

 @Cecidesent is Rosie’s main apostle husband, Guts. Written by Will too, Guts and Rosie is probably one of the oldest ships I got and I love them.

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

I would think its common courtesy to ask and not just force your muse onto another. Rosie is not exactly an easy person to just throw in with and chances are if you try she’s gonna shy away because bitch doesn’t know how to handle someone being equally interested in her. I would like to have talked for a while before throwing in with shipping , make sure our muses have good standing because Im not here to have Rosie used as a sex doll right away. But if you see some chemistry there, feel free to ask! Highkey chance im probably into it as well and have been too shy to ask.

How often do you like to ship?

Not often at this point. Im more concerned with Rosie making meaninful friendships nire than I am shipping her off with every person that comes along. There’s a lot of things to accept when shipping with Rosie and many things about her that arent just gonna magically go away just because she’s with someone. I dont mind it but its certainly not my priority.

Are you multiship?

The above information should tell ya by now that I am, however I do have my mains. The more passion and dedication you show me, the equal passion I put in myself. Thats how it goes for me and Rosie. Just fair treatment, ya know?

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

Ship more-or-less . Really not a priority but if it happens, it happens.

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom

Naturally, EddieRosie and Gutsie take the cake right now since they are the most developed I have so far.

Finally, how does one ship with you?

Please just write with me and talk with me.

 Thats all it takes. 

Good chemistry, dont yank my chain and trail me along with fake interest, and im probably gonna already be into it. 

Tagging: @curiousobjecthead​ @quantahope​ @thewhitepoison​  @draconicmatriarch​ @sunkissedkxd and anyone else who hasent done it!

[thequlturecritic]

QULTURE’S TOP 20 SERIES OF 2018

20.  BUSY TONIGHT

You guys! Good energy is, like, totally in right now. And it’s never going away. You may know her from Freaks and Geeks, but I know her from Cougar Town as CC’s fun-loving, super-supportive sidekick. When you watch Busy Phillips on her cheeky, positive-vibes only E! talk show, a sense of “we’re all in this together” and “being kind to one another” is definitely a recipe for demolishing disaster. Remember how major Chelsea’s career became because of what so many probably considered a silly little talk show… well. I’m not a fortune teller or anything, but I could totally see Ms. Phillips taking over the universe. I want to be one of her minions. Cheers to another leading lady of late night! 

19. THE VOICE

I’ve always been anti-reality competition shows when it comes to singing, only because I’m a total snob when it comes to what I subject my ears to. My musical tastes are versed and varied, but I still am pretty picky about who I let in to my drums, mostly because I need it to stimulate an eargasm and coincide with my life’s soundtrack. When American Idol launched, I definitely was enamored with Kelly Clarkson’s powerful vocals, but I still kept the close mind that an artist is discovered naturally, not “created” by producers with the backdrop and illusion that AMERICA gets to vote and pick the winner. Ah, who knows, maybe they do… I would just never take the time out to vote. HOWEVER. When I found out Kelly was going to be a judge on The Voice, which is a whole separate animal than Idol, I was shitting my pants with glee, because she really is such a goddamn force of fucking nature. Her spirit is overwhelmingly angelic and I simply love everything about watching her. Last season’s competition was magical, at least for me, perhaps because it was the first time I really got to experience the message and place the show has in the universe. It really is inspiring and lovely to see how much these artists themselves care for the teams they build and the individuals they want to see grow – regardless of whether or not it leads to fame. Alicia Keys and Kelly Clarkson’s dynamic was really something special that inspired me in so many ways.

18. COMEDIANS IN CARS GETTING COFFEE

I love nothing more than a loose format, sans makeup, realistic conversation between famous people. Talk shows rock and all, but there’s something to be said for two people we all know and (often) admire, getting together and doing something that, ya know, regular people do! Like… go out to breakfast. I was never a fan of the Seinfeld sitcom, mostly because when it was popular it was kinda over my head and nothing that interested me. I’d probably be more inclined to watch and enjoy it now because of how much Veep has made me adore Julia-Louis Dreyfus and now much Jerry Seinfeld’s Netflix series about him… getting coffee… with comedians… has made me adore his admiration for vintage cars, honesty in humanity and one of the most important things we all seem to forget sometimes – which is to LAUGH! We live in such politically charged times, and while I get how important it is to talk about the very things we were always brainwashed to believe were impolite to talk about, we also need to be able to make jokes and not be so sensitive about everything. Ya heard?

17. AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL

Oh how I love me some Tyra, but it seems the future is all about Ashley Graham. Yet again – another fucking beautiful superhuman. I am really starting to hate that people even think of someone as “plus size”, but hey, it’s the world we live in. All I see when I look at her is someone with a whole lot of personality, gorgeous features and a personality that you’d be crazy to not gravitate toward. She is living proof that good vibes, energy and kindness (in the fashion industry?! How dare you!) go a long way. Tyra and Co. are doing such a bang-up job sending young women empowering messages about feeling safe in their own skin by infusing all shapes, sizes, colors and archetypes. This cycle was full of hilarious moments and was totally unpredictable. Despite her Trump-loving, Republican ways and complaining about being transformed into a “fire-crotch”, I was rooting for Liberty, Rio and Jeana to compete in the Top 3. That certainly evolved as the season went on, mainly because Jeana’s insecurities were getting the best of her (she had alopecia and they convinced her to be the alien-like, bald beauty – which she looked 10X better as vs. wearing wigs) and Rio had the most off-putting temper tantrum that had me and my bestie Carlee yelling at the the TV, “Who da fuck you think you talkin’ to?!” as if we were speaking for Tyra. Be humble, girls! Beauty ain’t just skin deep. At the end of the day, I loved seeing Kyla take the crown, because her activism, big heart and growth really was something special at the end of the day. Keep up the good work! I want 1000 more cycles.

16. SWEETBITTER

Starz’s adaptation of the best-selling novel by Stephanie Danler is short, but bittersweet. Ella Purnell is a breakout star, headlining the cast of unknowns who are all as equally as fantastic. I think that’s one of my favorite things about it (Caitlin Fitzgerald, in particular, who definitely has that thing) – how naturally gifted the entire cast is. Purnell stars as Tess, an All-American girl from bumfuck who makes her way to New York City to chase the dream, even if she has no idea what it is yet. Any of you who have worked in the service industry as a waiter or waitress will appreciate the authenticity of how intimidating, grueling and chaotic the industry can be… but how much fun it can be once your shift is over.

15. MANIAC

What is Netflix’s limited, vivid, disturbing, funny, emotional rollercoaster about? My brain is exploding from trying to analyze. Typically, in each episode, I get so lost in the perfection that is Emma Stone, I’m completely enthralled by how inspiring it is to watch one of our most exceptional young talents only seem to get better and better. It’s also always a pleasant surprise to see someone like Jonah Hill continue to prove himself as truly versatile. Remember when these two were just getting into stoner cinema and taking over the shelves at Blockbuster, during their Superbad days? Justin Theroux, plus. Sally Field, super-plus. Julia Garner (also of Ozark), a star on the rise! It might make you feel a little crazy while watching, but hey, we all go a little mad sometimes.

14. SHARP OBJECTS

Gillian Flynn’s book to big screen success with Gone Girl made a lot of us anxious to see what would be translated next. Following the trend of mini-series, binge-worthy greatness and big stars coming to the “small” screen, HBO announced Amy Adams would star in Sharp Objects, a dark, sultry murder mystery set in the swampy south that co-stars the amazing Patricia Clarkson – one of my absolute favorite actors. I’ll never forget when I “discovered” her, in Lisa Cholodenko’s High Art, one of my all-time faves. There’s a similar hypnotism with the limited series which also features a deliciously naked Chris Messina, and, of course, the direction of the man I’d say is pretty much cinematic perfection these days – Jean Marc Valee. If you have not yet seen Dallas Buyers Club, and another all-time favorite of mine, Wild, you are missing out. I’m assuming you have watched all of Big Little Lies once or twice, and can’t wait for season two next year. Neither can I. These are the people doing AWESOME awesome things in Hollywood.

13. AMERICAN HORROR STORY: APOCALYPSE

So, I’m always back and forth with AHS. I always love how visually stunning it is, but some seasons either lack substance or are literally just too fucking freaky for me to engage. I can not even set my eyes on Freak Show, thought Cults was too gory and scattered (although fresh off of the Trump presidency was a possible prediction of the future if we don’t all get our shit together) and definitely didn’t even give that Roanoke one a chance. The first two seasons rocked, and Gaga slayed in Hotel, but being that I love witches (Hocus Pocus, Witches of Eastwick) I have to say Coven is my favorite season. I love every Farmiga in life, Precious’ Gaborey Sidibe always makes me laugh and Emma Roberts is a rock star. How gorgeous?! She’s also such a little asshole in the best way. She’s someone I can picture punching me in the face, and I’d invite her to. Apocalypse is the best infusion of boy/girl magic and the ultimate comradery casting wise – as what could make for a perfect finale for the series ties all of Ryan Murphy’s brilliance together. That’s just my opinion – because I think a great series needs to know when to wrap it up, but these days everything is all about milking everything to the last drop, so… idk.

12. THE CONNERS

Roseanne returning was definitely the best of the best in reboot land, until her big mouth got her fired from ABC and launched The Conners, which features the entire cast minus a dead mother. I still respect her as an artist and will always love when TV wasn’t so linked to the Twitterverse, but these days I guess everyone really does have to be super careful about the shit they say – especially when we should know better that racism isn’t cool. It’s such an odd thing, because Roseanne was always so controversial, brave with their material, and was one of the first shows to have an out lesbian comedian/actress and character (the great Sandra Bernhard)… so… idk. That Sarah Gilbert though… she’s somethin’ special.

11. THE GOOD PLACE

Kristen Bell!!!!!!! That’s all. Ok, well, that’s not all… because Ted Danson is equally as amazing. Who wouldn’t love someone married to a dame like Mary Steenburgen?! I’ve been a fan of his since Three Men (and a Little Lady!). The diversity, quick wit, modern spin on the classic sitcom and concept behind this hit NBC series reminds us of why the network is always killing it when it comes to delivering quality, quantity and maintaining its colorful edge. I’m surprised I didn’t get into this show when it premiered, as season 4 approaches and the Globes, and surely the Emmy’s now are getting into recognizing genius when they see it. This show is filled with all the good feels! Maybe Heaven really is a place on Earth.

10. WILL & GRACE

When the reboot of W&G first returned to NBC, I was a bit underwhelmed by some of the writing. It seemed forced and a bit insecure – but it just took a few episodes for them to really get back in the swing of things and season 2 of the return is really on point. Debra Messing is better than ever (congrats on a Globe nomination!), as are Eric, Megan and Sean Hayes – who I’ve always greatly admired because of, what I like to consider his “big break” – the film, Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss. Growing up gay, Will and Grace was a trailblazing, extremely important and relevant show to so many of us because there wasn’t much of that on TV. But I’ll always remember that adorable indie of Sean’s. He should make more movies! I love him in Pieces of April too!

9. I LOVE YOU AMERICA: with SARAH SILVERMAN

Sarah has always been my absolute favorite comedian. Jesus is Magic is probably one of the most brilliant stand-up comedy feature films I’ve ever seen (are there many of those) combining music, comedy, political satire, sexually inappropriate and explicit linguistics… nothing is off limits. From jokes about AIDS, Martin Luther King Jr. and the Holocaust, to her dead grandmother’s rape to pussy jokes about child lesbians she’s related to. On her new Hulu series, Silverman takes a tour of the great country we live in, United States of A, talking to Trump supporters, men and women of all colors, shapes and sizes and makes an honest, unbiased, non-judgmental effort to deliver an intellectual perspective on all things current and heated in the minds of many. I love her condescending approach, ability to keep her cool, remain true to herself and do something important with her career. It’s a humbled and divine dose of reality that I think we all need, as at the end of the day she’s basically trying to unite us and get people to understand that despite our differences, respect and kindness can truly inspire change.

8. POSE

First of all – watch Paris is Burning, if you’ve never seen it.

I remember when I worked for the super cool East-coast indie video chain, TLA Video, it was one of the most popular rentals in our Gay and Lesbian section, as it should be. It’s a classic documentary that captures the heart, sole and strut of African American LGBTQ culture during the AIDS epidemic, when being a queen and going to the balls would begin to define what FIERCE meant for a generation. (Play: Azealia Banks, Fierce). It’s one of RuPaul’s favorite movies and certainly inspiration for Ryan Murphy’s vivid and heartfelt FX series starring Evan Peters, James Van Der Beek, Kate Mara and a wonderful assortment of newcomers including the fetch, fierce, versatile and gorgeous MJ Rodriguez, Dominique Jackson and (MY FAVE) Indya Moore.

7. CAMPING

Ever since 13 Going on 30, I’ve known Jennifer Garner was a unicorn. She has that innate ability to charm, impress and entertain us with charisma and natural comedic talent. When it comes to the American adaptation of the Brit series Camping, developed for HBO (in part with Girls’ master Lena Dunham), the team surely arranged the most perfect blend of talent for both behind and in front of the camera. Garner brings the most complicated and hilarious nuances to her character and proves she is more than capable of leading a most diverse and perfectly perfect blend of talent.

6. OZARK

Janet McTeer!! OMG! This woman is amazing and really the force that makes the sophomore season of the hit Netflix drug smuggling/money laundering/gangsta livin’ series all the more bombastic. Sure, Jason Bateman continues to be awesome in every way, but the women on the latest season (even the creepy old meth lady who wants a baby at 99) really slay and own the show, keeping us on the edges of our seats and beyond impressed with how hard anyone with a vagina is proving that they are taking over the world these days. As if we needed more reasons to be obsessed with Laura Linney – she takes her character to new heights, getting more screen time and really being thrust into a more evolved dynamic – sort of how Robin Wright does on House of Cards. As though the audience was more drawn to the female than the male lead the series was built around. But Janet McTeer?! Holy fuck, Janet McTeer. She’ll make your skin crawl and keep you up at night… binge-watching.

5. THE AFFAIR

Showtime’s scandalous, suspenseful and intricate portrait of love, marriage and infidelity has been one of my must-see series since its debut. The entire cast is pure magic, especially the four leads – Dominic West, Ruth Wilson, Maura Tierney and Joshua Jackson. I’m constantly lobbying for Tierney, who continues to blow my mind with everything from those perfect, pouty lips to the way she can make my heart melt with a single tear. Last season, the twists and turns were so unexpected – something so refreshing these days when it comes to storytelling – that none of us could’ve ever seen coming what we now have to go into season five knowing (and grieving with, in my case). This is one of of those shows that stands tall from start to finish, and continues to inspire the way character and perspective is conveyed, as well as how we process it ourselves as an audience. I’ve always been fascinated by the same story being told through different goggles – kind of like in The Rules of Attraction, or Go. I can’t wait to see how this show wraps up, as I am pretty certain we move into the final act, which in itself is always a great quality for a series to know when to wrap it up.

4. HERE & NOW

Alan Ball, oh how I love thee. In the evidence of his brilliance, my affection toward Ball’s beautiful writing and ability to conduct such a beautiful cinematic symphony began with Six Feet Under, as it did most. If ever there were a perfect start to finish series… Rare is the artistic bird who can take such a celebrated drama and weave the social and political issues into a horror series – which is what he did with the addictive True Blood, a show that I would find myself equally hypnotized and aroused by. Ball’s latest gem is yet again a celebration of why we love HBO, his observant mind and heart, and ability to recognize genius when he sees it, in regard to casting. The always wonderful Holly Hunter and Tim Robbins headline a cast of brave, beautiful talents – including the tiny miracle that is the birth-child of Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon, Sosie, who is one of my favorite actors/characters in this captivating new drama that celebrates all the feels of our current reality. It’s a mixed blend of understanding the human condition and how people of all walks relate to one another while truggling with matters of the heart and psychological warfare.

3. RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE

For ten seasons now, Queen of Drag, RuPaul Charles has been taking her dynasty and giving it a royal upgrade every season with eye-popping elements that consistently allow this groundbreaking competition series to be one of queer and pop culture’s most celebrated. From the guest judges (Season X premiered with a Farrah Moan-esque Christina Aguilera dolled up for all the queens to gag over, which they did – myself included) to Michelle Visage’s dazzling eyewear collection to the costumes to the casting and the challenges – which get more and more innovative – Rupaul’s Drag Race has become a small empire that has the promise to spinning into so many different types of series and assure celebrity drag careers are a thing of the future, now more than ever. I loved the queens this season, especially my future husband Kameron Michaels (beautiful inside and out, boy or girl) and the well-deserved winner Aquaria. This was the second season in a row for me (I haven’t seen a lot of the previous seasons) where Ru got it absolutely perfect. I’m also a huge fan of Vice’s The Trixie and Katya Show which you should get into as well!

2. THE MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL

All of the hype surrounding the Golden Globe & Emmy winning Amazon Prime series starring the incomparable Rachel Brosnahan as Mrs. Maisel, is the type of perfection that isn’t all-talk. Everything you’ve heard about this hilarious gem of a binge-worthy comedy is true: the costumes, the production design, the brilliant performances, directing and top-notch writing is on trend with celebrating everything we love about women in the world right now, and the time capsule reminds us of how far everyone has come marching to the beat of optimism and fighting for equality. I’m so happy the great Alex Borstein has been honored and been receiving praise for her work, and rightfully so, as she steals scenes from the great Maisel herself in the latest season. It’s truly one of the best watches out there, so get into it!

1. SCHITT’S CREEK

What started out as a little Canadian sitcom from a then unknown Pop TV, has since become a pop culture phenomenon and one of the small screen’s most celebrated, quoted and adored comedies out there. In Season four, we continue to follow the Rose’s on their journey of personal growth, going from riches to rags in a small bumfuck town where they clearly stick out like a redneck tooth fairy for plenty of good reasons. We already knew Catherine O’Hara and Eugene Levy were totes brilliant, but every season I grow more and more enamored with how crazy talented Dan Levy & Annie Murphy are. Their nuances, the way the arcs of their characters have evolved… it’s like their learning from two comic legends and its working for them every step of the way. This is truly already an iconic, feel good show that is spreading such messages of love and beauty throughout society. Loves it!

[mrs-sexy-curls]

“While I’m gone,” Gansey said, pausing, “dream me the world. Something new for every night.”

A dark and eeriee novel about a spark light personality who lit the world on fire. Delicious and dangerous, Ronan Lynch’s character intensity is filled with beauty, fueled by fear and filtered by none. A beautiful, tormented novel that doubles up on its predecessor and warns on the dangers of letting ourselves fall to deep into our dreams, as they start creeping closer into our reality instead.

5/5 Stars Recommendation: If the Raven Boys was a must read, the Dream Thieves is the installment in the Raven Cycle serious that you can not miss! It is exciting, thrilling, broodingly dark and nightmarish, for the heavy character development enthusiasts and danger seeking readers !

Picking up where The Raven Boys left off, we follow the 3rd person POV novel focusing on the eyes of Ronan Lynch, the group’s rage filled and broken seventeen year old. The group’s quest for the Welsh King of myths is going stronger than ever, now favored and driven by an odd, magical forests that spurted in the Virginia Valley, known as Cabeswater. Now tied to Adam— through a bargain where he sacrificed himself and promised to be its hands and its eyes, and to Ronan Who appears to be long acquainted with the forest through the messages he has left for himself scattered around it, in more than one deep and mysterious way.

Despite Adam’s sacrifice to awaken the magical energy line than runs through their town, the Ley line, magic seems to be fluctuating and acting in unstable and unstoppable manners; affecting the psychics of Fox Way, the decaying Noah and whatever curse lays dormant under the ground of Henrietta, Virginia. All while Gansey and Adam must their puzzled gang and Ronan can’t be bothered to act as a decent human being because of the nightmares he keeps bringing to reality with him when he wakes up—

That’s right, just like chainsaw, Ronan is capable of bringing objects, things and people back with him every time he wakes up from a dream. With Gansey gone, he befriends another dangerous Aglionby student Kavinsky who shares his gift and must now face with the consequences of his recklessness, the nightmares of his past, the present that fades between his fingers and the broken future he must fix back together.

Despite the magic of The Raven Boys and its original greatness, The Dream Thieves did not fall in its face in comparison. In fact, because of the engaging story and powerful character portrayal, I wouldn’t feel shy about calling it an improvement from its predecessor. It’s just that good ! This book is��heavily character driven, whereas regular YA characters are guided and controlled by the plot and development is based around that, but every single moment with Ronan is worth it. This book is probably one  of Stiefvater’s fever dreams about Ronan, drugs and expensive cars and that’s probably what makes it the best thing out there.

Click Read More for the spoilers, kiddos !

The Dream Thieves Summary:

Everyone: Ronan no Ronan: Ronan yes

I love Ronan.

Thoughts on Gansey & Blue:

But the sensible part of Blue, which was usually the only part of her, thought that had more to do with Richard Campbell Gansey III having a nice mouth than with any blossoming romance. Anyway, if fate thought it would tell her who to fall for, fate had another thing coming.

Gansey added, “I would’ve thought you had more muscles. Don’t feminists have big muscles?” Decidedly not in love with him.

Let me explain something I’ve mentioned in the past. I’m a slow burner when it comes to romance. And if there is one thing I sincerely appreciated about this book series is the fact that its romance wasn’t driving the plot—despite the UK cover advertisement—, or even playing a major role in it, so I was expecting feelings to be developed throughout the course of four books.

In fact, while the entire Adam and Blue dynamic developed in this book and the previous book, I was sort of waiting situations where Gansey and Blue found themselves interacting alone and to find a slow connection brewing between them. Because its there, and it exists, but it bothered me the fact I barely got any sort of interaction between them on that regard until After Blue broke up with Adam, supposedly because she at last acknowledged her feelings for Gansey but I had no reason to believe she suddenly had a crush on this man she’s barely interacted with. I found the aforementioned quote to be adorable and endeering, and specially believable. While I know this paragraph doesn’t actually mean Blue dislikes Gansey, there is nothing that would make me thing this girl has anything remotely close to a crush when in the next paragraphs go something like this:

Adam allowed Blue into their circle as well, his eyes meeting hers for a moment.

I’m picking this one, Fate, she thought ferociously. Not Richard Gansey III. You can’t tell me what to do.

I’m sorry, but to then be met with this halfway through the book:

“As they baked in the sunlight, she let herself think it: I have a crush on Richard Gansey.”

Bothered me. For a book that did such a great time expression Ronan’s every thought and emotion so subtly yet clearly, I don’t understand why we couldn’t have had a moment extra to dwelve further into Blue’s state of mind regarding her feelings with Adam and Gansey. Everything was going great in the last book— And while I also did express in the Raven Boys review that I didn’t like Blue and Adam together, it doesn’t mean I don’t want a coherent progressive line from one boy to the other. I’d hate to call it insta-love, but it was rather close. I could say the same from Gansey as well— Since we were treated to the moment Blue realized she was into this boy, I hate not to be able to say the same thing about Gansey. He didn’t seem to like her romantically in the last book, much specially when he did try to set Blue up with Adam, he only seems to mindlessly be following Blue’s feeling because the plot said so.

Nice.

Still, after that entire “How did we even get to their romance”  fiasco Blue and Gansey had some absolutely endearing moments. The rest of their interactions were so pure and real, and never failed to tug at my heart. Expecting the silly calls in the middle of the night were nothing but #goals, taking Blue out for a ride at her beck and call when she was upset killed me on the inside, and not to mention the mock kissing they were forced to do. It was lovely and you could feel the pain and need in every sentence.

“Blue wore a dress Ronan thought looked like a lampshade. Whatever sort of lamp it belonged on, Gansey clearly wished he had one. Ronan wasn’t a fan of lamps.”

Not to mention Maggie’s prose. Always great, meaningful, and hilarious. Extra points just for these quotes scattered all around the book.

Thoughts on Kavinski:

Boy did Maggie get him right. One of my number one complaints with antagonists, is their general YA formula, empty and pure evil and somehow… That’s what Kavisnky is, but that is his entire character and its performed so well.

Kavinski appears as he harasses Ronan, taunts him into car racing until everything goes fatally wrong and he crashes, wounding himself and wrecking Gansey’s Camaro to the point of no come back. It is then when Kavisnki drags him down deep into his world of dreams, admitting he too can pull out objects from his dreams, and teaches him how to steal from his own dreams with the help of designer drugs.

Roll credits.

Kavisnki is there as a representation of everything Ronan is, and as an offer to be a companion in his fucked up, angry existence. This is where it should get good, right? An offer to be himself, without Gansey to force him into the path of righteousness that Ronan obviously no longer cared for, a friend in his state of self loathing and hatred… And this is perhaps were Ronan’s biggest proof of character development occurs:

The realization he wasn’t like that, and most importantly, that he did not want to be like that. Empty, careless, living a selfish existence to make up for the hole that was carved inside of him and that would eventually lead to his self loathing. Kavinski on the other hand, embraced that fully. He had money, popularity, the best parties and a reputation that reached the other side of the state and anything he could’ve ever wanted at the beck and call of a dream. Kavinski had it all… And that made him empty.

Kavinski’s solution to this could have presumably been reaching out friendships to try reckless and dangerous things like he does with Ronan with someone like Prokopenko, to the point that we eventually learned led to Prokopenko’s death. It didn’t work out, and instead he’s been reaching out to Ronan as he’s finally found someone he can call an equal to him. He wanted to be empty with someone else and after Ronan finally rejects him— rejects the entire lifestyle, rejects the hate he no longer felt for himself— he gives up, deciding to end his meaningless existence. And just like that, lets himself be killed by his own creation in the same way he came into the world: Empty.

Thoughts on Adam:

Hello yes, I need to address him again.

Adam was… Weird, again in this book. Maggie foreshadowed pretty well he was no longer the same person, after all, he just sacrificed a part of himself during the Raven Boys and honestly, it was great. It was a good weird, it was well done and very interesting seeing Adam coping and slowly changing as Cabeswater lived inside of him.

Now here’s the thing though— I really thought Adam was going to become a bad guy. Like I said, I could recognize his struggle and his change, his obvious moodiness and the constant fights with Gansey were at least deeper and complex (added to the ones I absolutely loathed where he’d reproach Gansey trying to be a good friend, even when it turned out it wasn’t even Gansey’s doing)… But I thought he was changing for the worst. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, I was enjoying it nonetheless, but I’ll have to charge myself guilty for actually thinking this was going to be the way Maggie pushed Adam out of the way to make way for King Gansey of all things good for Blue.

I was so pleasantly surprised she didn’t and that instead it was simply a complex battle inside of Adam to figure out who he is, like identity is a recurring theme in TCR books, and what Cabeswater and the Raven boys now meant to him, finally independent, finally his own person, finally away from his abusers. For someone who complains about being spoonfed my feelings so much in your average YA formula, I am sadly guilty of really thinking —and kind of looking forwards— Maggie was heading down this path. In the end, I’m just blessed she changed my mind.

One more time though, I had to find myself enjoying Adam more through the eyes of Ronan. Their interactions bless me.

Religious list of amazing things because holy shit:

The Gray Man having a mental debate whether he was capable or not to weave a flower crown for Maura. This is a cold, season hit man guys.

I love the Gray Man so much guys,

Just think about it, Maggie did this great job making a believable antagonist that felt good for her novel and instead made us fall in love in him and root for this man

He even goes through entire life crisis were he can’t get up from bed days at a time, thank you for making him real Maggie??

The Lynch brothers attend church together every Sunday and that is simply beautiful, like its really their last attempt at having a proper family.

Ronan, all of the amount of Ronan. 

Adam discovering it wasn’t Gansey who had payed the extra 2.4K of his apartment but instead Ronan and keeping quiet about it, like it had left him confused and speechless. Every mention of Ronan being a ball of sun feels so good and deserved, my heart was pleased every time.

Kavinski’s constantly fucking around with Ronan about being Gansey’s bottom

Kavinski practically confessing to Ronan and killing himself after his rejection, because that was so powerful holy christ-

What are Adam’s interesting thoughts on traveler’s rights?

[Review] The Dream Thieves – Maggie Stiefvater “While I’m gone,” Gansey said, pausing, “dream me the world. Something new for every night.” A dark and eeriee novel about a spark light personality who lit the world on fire.

[evenbakkas]

Sesong 3 Episode 2 - Even

Summary: Even is determined to figure out if Isak is interested in him. Isak and Even do the Weed. They share some moments over cheese toasties. Isak screams about spices. 

Word Count: 6715

“I’m interested in you too, Isak. I promise. Don’t give up on me just yet.”

YOU CAN READ CHAPTER 1 HERE.

CHAPTER 1: SESONG 3 EPISODE 1 - EVEN

Even ended up missing school the first two days of the week because of a depressive episode. It was a milder one to most, one where he mostly slept the entire day and wouldn’t let his mind concentrate on any one thing long enough to piece it together. Eating was hard, and his parents did their best to coax him to eat something small every once in awhile. But mostly, Even was left alone in his room, a method of which he preferred. He hated feeling trapped and grew anxious at the thought. His parents knew that.

Being alone in his room for a few days meant that whenever he wasn’t sleeping, he would be scrolling the internet. And, occasionally, stalking Isak on it.

The first thing Even learned was that Isak’s last name was Valtersen. Isak Valtersen. The name sounded so beautiful coming out of Even’s mouth.

Even could spend hours looking through Isak’s Facebook and Instagram. Staring at the pictures. Laughing at his new posts. And, cringing at his Facebook profile picture. A late “internet 2010” meme? He was, frankly, slightly embarrassed for Isak.

Stalking was difficult due to the fact that Even didn’t currently have any social media. He was thankful he found a way to acquire the website URL’s so that he was able to conduct his intensive Isak research. That boy was quickly becoming the center of Even’s life.

By Wednesday, Even was feeling better enough to return to school. The thought of seeing Isak in person again after last Friday made Even’s heart swirl inside his chest. He made sure to wear his sexiest clothes and to style his hair to just the right amount of height. Even wasn’t afraid to admit that he wanted Isak to drool at the sight of him. All aboard the Extra Train.

After school, Even decided to head out to the courtyard. He was going to meet a few of his friends before heading home. As he spotted them across the lot, he noticed Isak and his friends talking with Vilde off in the distance. Isak was wearing a grey windbreaker and a grey snapback. Even commended past Isak for his clothing choices this morning. He really, for lack of a better word, looked hot as fuck. If Isak was trying to impress him, he knocked that shit out of the park. Even was rendered speechless, and he could feel his jeans tightening. Great.

Even remembered that he, too, had spent effort in his outfit this morning. It was already the end of the school day, and this was the first time he had seen Isak. He was going to make sure Isak witnessed it. Even started walking towards his friends, slightly strutting his way down the concrete. He placed his hands in his pockets and a cigarette behind his ear. Cool by Definition.

As soon as Even started to walk past Isak, Even started getting that warm feeling again. It was almost like the colors were wielding their way back into Even’s life, one that had been mostly dull the past few days. Despite the grey clouds thickly painting the sky, Even could feel the suns rays on his face. He couldn’t help but look towards the source of this intense heat.

Isak.

Isak was staring at Even, his eyes thinly slit and focused on Even’s every move. Even matched his eyes with Isak’s, and he could suddenly feel himself split with reality and transcend into a universe of only Isak and Even.

Even held his gaze with Isak, and he watched the emotions on Isak’s face change. He knew Isak was questioning what exactly was happening right now. This was the first time Isak didn’t silently apologize by averting his eyes. Isak was completely, unapologetically, and undeniably staring at Even with the weight of a thousand suns. And Even did his best not to think about how delicious Isak’s lips were.

He failed.

By the time he finally reached his friends, Even knew Isak was still staring at him. He pretended to concentrate on something his friend was saying, but instead was too focused with putting on his sunglasses and leaning into the brick wall. Nothing was cooler than that, if you asked Even.

Even could see Emma walking towards Isak and his friends from the corner of his eye. Now that Isak was beginning to return Even’s sentiments, the jealousy was even worse. Even knew what teens were like these days. Sleeping around, hopping from one person to the next. As a hopeless romantic, Even wasn’t really into that scene. He hoped Isak wasn’t either. He wanted the opportunity to sweep Isak off of his feet. But that would never happen if Emma also had Isak’s attention.

Even had to get rid of her. Somehow. There wasn’t anything malicious about it, he really had nothing against Emma. If she wasn’t so into Isak, Even could pass her in the hallways smoothly.

But, jealously was a hard feeling to ignore. It left a sick, acidic taste in Even’s mouth. Especially because it seemed like Emma had no issues just walking straight up to Isak and displaying her affection. Even, on the other hand, had to be careful. It wasn’t as simple for a guy to express his feelings for another guy as easily as it was to catch those feelings. There were so many stereotypes associated with sexuality that Even sometimes felt overwhelmed. He loved Isak so effortlessly, it was hard for him to imagine other people trying to put a cap on such love.

And, being the amazing human reader that Even was, he knew Isak would shy away from any feelings he might have for Even. Isak was probably the most uncomfortable person Even had ever met. He noticed the layers of struggle wrapped around Isak from the moment he first laid his eyes on him. Even had to be patient.

And that definitely didn’t help his situation with Emma. Emma could be so open with Isak and go after him and Even was left constrained. Trapped. And Even didn’t like those odds one bit.

If anything, this made Even more determined than he was before. Their official meeting had confirmed, to Even anyway, that Isak was boyfriend material. I mean, anyone who can be confronted with your lameness and still want to talk to you afterwards is a keeper.

And those lips. If dating was just about superficial attributes, he could date those lips alone. They were the perfect amount of dainty and cute and the way Isak licked them made Even feel like he was doing cartwheels. Even couldn’t even comprehend what it would feel like to kiss them. That was more next level shit Even had never experienced before. The image of his and Isak’s lips fitting together in a mind numbing kiss stained Even’s brain and refused to wash out.

Even was persistent on making it happen.

~

Even spent more time than he probably should have thinking about his first kiss with Isak. His days were filled with wandering thoughts of Even leaning over Isak, bending down slightly to peck his lips or, Even placing Isak on a kitchen countertop so that he was equal with his height. School had been getting increasingly difficult with all of these distractions. Even had always done decent in school, some classes better than others, but now it seemed he was slacking in all of his studies. Given Even’s attitude about the education system, he wondered if he really cared.

And isn’t love more important? He could feel the eye rolls he would get from all of the science geeks and grown adults responding to that statement. At his school in Elvebakken, the liberal arts had been a major focus in their teachings and Even thrived in this environment. At Hartvig Nissen, he barely cared enough to lift a pencil.

The only thing that kept him going throughout the day was Isak. Isak excited parts inside Even that he didn’t even know he had. It was giddy excitement, too. The kind that made your stomach fill with butterflies and your cheeks burn from how wide you would involuntarily smile.

Even still couldn’t deny that a small part of him felt guilty that he was letting himself feel these things for Isak while he was with Sonja. He had wanted to break up with her for months now, even before he had seen Isak on the first day of school. And he would have done it, if it wasn’t for the dynamics of their relationship. No matter how much Even hated it, Sonja knew him better than anyone else. She knew what was good for him, and she was always right. Underneath all of her passive aggressiveness. Sonja was exactly the type of parter Even needed.

But Even didn’t want that. Not at all. Over the years, he grew tired of everyone controlling him. That was what sparked his anxiety towards feeling trapped in the first place. And as much as his family and friends would try to give him space, at the end of the day, they never really let go of the leash.

Even was tired of everything being so predictable. He was tired of being in a position where he would be scolded like a small child every time he did something wrong. He wasn’t a child. He could take care of himself. For the most part, anyway. It wasn’t his fault he needed help sometimes. He just wished some people understood that they were hurting more than they were helping, regardless of their good intentions.

Even was now standing on the train, ready to head home. He had invited his girlfriend and some friends to a pregame later tonight, and he had to clean the house up a bit. In truth, he really wasn’t all that excited about it. It was more of the same old shit.

The door was about to close as Isak walked onto the train, eyes focused in on his phone screen. Even’s stomach dropped and his heart started racing. What the fuck?

Isak’s eyes continued looking down as he shuffled over to stand next to a pole and coincidentally, next to Even. It was clear Isak hadn’t noticed Even at all.

Even stared at Isak for awhile, waiting for him to finally look up. When he didn’t, Even decided to break the silence himself.

“Halla,” Even said.

Isak glanced up at Even, surprised. Even kept a firm smile on his face.

“Halla?” Isak choked out, making his greeting sound more like a question.

Even raised his eyebrows, “On your way home?”

“Yeah. You, too?”

Even quickly nodded. This conversation was staler than the bag of potato chips in his room that he’d been too preoccupied to throw away.

Isak was back to looking down again, only this time he was staring at the ground instead of his phone. More silence.

Even gazed out the window, a smirk forming on his face. He bit back a laugh as he pursed his lips at Isak. If Isak was trying to pretend he wasn’t nervous, he was failing miserably. Even could feel how uncomfortable he was. Isak let himself look at Even again, but this time he was smiling. Even wished he could take a photo and capture the moment. That way once he got home, he could draw it and hang it up on his wall filled with his favorite things.

The tension was growing more and more as the seconds rolled by. Even started panicking, unsure of what to say. Why do I always have so much trouble speaking around him?

“Awesome conversation, though.” Even laughed. He hoped cracking a joke about the awkward atmosphere would lighten it up a bit. He’d also hoped he would get to hear Isak’s laugh, another one of his favorite things.

He did, and Isak’s laugh made Even beam even more. The train was filled with silence again, but this time you could feel the echoes of laughter hanging above their heads. Even no longer wanted to go home. He wanted to stay on the train with Isak for hours and listen to hi talk about himself. He wanted to get to know Isak so that they could become more than just acquaintances. He wanted Isak to want him as much as he wanted Isak. A mouthful of promises on the horizon, out in the distance but begging to come closer. To become reality rather than a daydream.

“You’re…you’re 18, right?” Isak suddenly asked.

Even snapped out of his trance and nodded frantically. He was technically 19, but correcting Isak didn’t seem to fight it’s way through the knots in Even’s stomach. He swallowed slowly, trying to calm himself down but knowing it wouldn’t change as long as Isak was this close to him. Even tried not to think about how easy it would be to lean down and kiss him and his beautiful lips. Be patient.

“Could you possibly buy some beer?” It was as if a lightbulb had gone off in Isak’s head, and Even didn’t care that Isak was basically using him for alcohol. Because a lightbulb had also gone off in Even’s head, and he simply couldn’t ignore such a great idea.

Once they reached the store, having walked in silence yet again, only this time it was a comfortable quietness, with Even spending the entire time trying not to think about how it would feel to hold Isak’s hand, Even went inside to buy the beer as Isak waited for him outside.

Time to place the plan into action.

Even spent a few minutes inside, which was necessary in order for his plan to seem convincing. Isak hadn’t given him any specific beer to buy, so Even was peering into the glass of each refrigerated stack of shelves. Eventually, he nodded at the cashier and walked outside of the store, empty handed.

Isak looked at him as soon as he came into view.

“I managed to forget my ID. I need to go home and get it. Join me.”

Even didn’t wait for a reply as Isak stood there, dumbfounded. He waltzed past Isak and kept walking down the sidewalk, a tactic that had clearly worked the first time they met. Even was praying it would have the same power now as it did then.

Isak continued to stand still on the sidewalk, confused. Even glanced back at him slightly, only to see him turn around and start walking towards Even, asking him to wait up.

Plan successful.

~

As Isak and Even reached Even’s house, Even could feel Isak loosen up behind him. This boy, who had been so frigid and so closed off the first time they met was now letting himself open up to Even and Even was loving every minute of it. And he couldn’t believe he was finally going to be alone with Isak after months of pining after him. Even if it took a small lie in order to get him here.

“Hello?!” Even asked, as soon as he’d opened the door, Isak standing behind him. When he realized no one was home, he quietly said, “Awesome,” as he removed his shoes.

Now that Even had lied about forgetting his ID, knowing damn well it was in his jacket pocket, he had to pretend to search for it. Right away, Even walked over to his bed and Isak cautiously followed.

“I don’t get where I might’ve put it.”

Isak was too busy analyzing Even’s room to say anything back. Even watched him out of the corner of his eye. He wandered around Even’s room, bending over to stroke the guitar strings and stopping once he noticed the mural of drawings Even had hung up on his closet doors. Isak smiled.

“Did you draw these?” he asked.

Even stopped mindlessly walking around his bedroom to answer, “Yeah.”

“They’re good.”

“Thanks,” Even said. He was a bit nervous that Isak could see into a part of his mind, as he expressed a lot of his thoughts through drawings. Most of them were disguised as shitty memes, though.

“Very funny.”

“You think so?” Even was surprised at Isak’s reaction, and it made him smile. No one besides his family had ever complimented his drawings before, and it meant a lot to Even that Isak didn’t judge him for them. Even felt like Jack Dawson in the Titanic, and he was ready to paint Isak like one of his French girls.

“Mhm.” Isak mumbled, still smiling.

After minutes of searching his apartment, Even finally found what he was actually looking for.

“Here it is!” Even exclaimed suddenly.

Isak was still focused on Even’s drawings. “Did you find it?”

“No, but…” Even was really going to use weed to draw Isak in again. He was a man of practicing things he knows would work, and he knew weed was like candy to Isak. Even had to stop himself from laughing at his creepy pedophile analogy.

When Even trailed off, Isak looked over at him. Even was holding up a joint.

“Ayeee…” Isak hummed. Even chuckled at Isak’s loose vocabulary and set the joint behind his ear, then began to take off his jean jacket.

“What are you doing?” Isak asked, as he watched Even remove a piece of clothing.

Even stopped halfway and looked at Isak, a smile forming on his face. A true, genuine smile that reached his eyes.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I prefer to be comfortable while smoking a joint.” Even laughed.

“Right.” Isak replied quickly, removing his jacket as well. They both chucked them onto Even’s bunk bed. Even took a seat on his windowsill, gesturing for Isak to join him. Isak followed and sat across from him.

“Do you want to take the first hit, or shall I?” Even raised his eyebrows as he lit the joint. Gentlemen offer weed to their beloved first, and Isak was a guest, after all.

Isak displayed a small smile, “You go ahead.”

“That’s chill. But you lost your opportunity at an Even-free hit.”

Isak laughed loudly, a laugh that was free of limitations and vaguely dosed with nervousness. Even joined in, and the two filled the room with their hysterics. Even handed Isak the blunt once he was finished, and Isak leaned forward to take it from him. Even kept his eyes on Isak the entire time, not shy of letting Isak know he was interested in him. That he’d been waiting for a moment like this since the first day of school. He was ready to experience these moments for the rest of his life. If someone were to ask him, in the future, when exactly he knew that Isak was the one, he knows he would weirdly relate back to this moment. Where the two of them could laugh and talk freely over a blunt, with comfort in the minor uncomfortableness.

“How do you like Nissen?” Isak asked, after moments of soft nothingness. Even didn’t take a beat to answer.

“It’s alright. The people are great, but I miss Elvebakken. I liked the curriculum over there better,” Even replied. He hoped Isak wouldn’t ask him why he transferred.

“One of my friends was thinking about transferring there last year, but I told her not to because then she would become a stuck up media nerd.” Isak smirked slightly as he looked at Even.

Even pretended to be offended. “Huh?!” he scoffed, “We’re not stuck up!”

“Okay, okay, but you’re still media nerds.” Isak chuckled, and handed the blunt back to Even.

“We’re only passionate about our interests.”

“Mhm.”

“So, tell me Isak, what are YOU interested in?”

“Science.”

“Oh, so you’re a science geek.”

“No!”

“If you ask me, media nerd beats science geek any day.”

It was Isak’s turn to scoff now. “Really? What is a media nerd going to do in a zombie apocalypse?”

Even couldn’t control his laughter, “A zombie apocalypse, are you serious? Coming from a science geek?”

“Listen, I’m just saying if it ever happened, I would know what to do in order to survive.”

“Isak, I think I’ve seen enough zombie movies to know what TO and what NOT TO do.” Even answered.

Isak chuckled at that, both of them noticing the conversation was bordering between normal and ridiculous.

“The media doesn’t portray zombie apocalypse’s accurately.” Isak said.

“Wow, you really are a science geek.”

Isak squinted his eyes at Even, who was only looking at Isak with silent wonder. Even was positive that Isak was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Both of them laughed off the conversation, as the weed started to set into their systems.

“Yeah,” Isak replied, eventually, “But you haven’t missed a lot of school, right?”

Even inhaled smoke as he thought about it. He knew he had missed quite a few days because of his episodes, but he’d lost track. He didn’t want to tell Isak that. Not right now, anyway.

“Just…just left early, I don’t know? Like, is that okay?” Even asked.

Isak closed his eyes and smiled, “You haven’t gotten with the system, I don’t fucking know. I skipped a few classes, but…”

“What’s the limit?”

“The limit’s ten percent. But if the principle likes you, you get fifteen.” Isak looked back at Even and laughed, his eyes mischievously sparkling.

Even couldn’t believe that. “Are you for real?!”

“Yeah, yeah. But I don’t think the principle likes me.”

Isak and Even were laughing again. A sound that was heaven to Even’s ears. He’d never heard Isak laugh this much, and he thanked the weed for making it happen.

Even loved sitting here with Isak. This boy that he’d had a lowkey crush on for months. He could finally ask Isak about himself in person. He wanted to learn everything there was to know about him, and so that’s what he did.

“What do you listen to?” Even asked.

“Music?”

“Yeah, if you listen to music.”

“Uhm…I’m a pretty big fan of NWA, but…” As soon as Even heard a band, he cut Isak off.

“That’s what you listen to before school to get hyped?” Even laughed, and then cringed. He realized that his question revealed that Even had seen Isak in the morning with headphones in before school. Isak didn’t seem to notice, of which Even was thankful.

“Uh…It’s, like, the kind of music you listen to when you want to walk around and feel cool.”

Even knew who NWA were, he had listened to them many times before. Even was a huge fan of  the Rap/Hip Hop genre. But he loved hearing Isak talk about his interests, so he said nothing.

“Have you listened to Nas?” Even asked, as Isak lowered his voice and mimicked NWA’s “Fuck tha Police.” Even couldn’t believe how undeniably cute it was.

“Mmm…Nas?” Isak questioned, clearly not familiar with the artist.

“Are you kidding?!” Even was surprised. Nas was one of his favorite rappers. 

“Hmm?!” Isak replied, startled and a bit confused.

“You haven’t checked it out?”

“If I’ve listened to it? I’ve listened to it…” Isak was becoming less and less convincing by the second.

“Nas?”

“Nas? Nas. Nas?” Isak tried desperately to get the pronunciation correct.

“Have you even listened to it?” And Even was enjoying this more and more.

Isak started to get defensive. “I have listened to it a little!”

“It doesn’t sound like it!”

It was adorable that Isak was trying to impress him. Even more adorable that he had gotten caught. Even noticed then that Isak’s cheeks were bright red, and his eyes were in his lap. He loved the affect he was having on Isak. What he wouldn’t do to reach over and touch Isak’s cheeks, just to feel the warmth as if to say, “I did that.”

“Fuck…” Isak spit out, “I’ve…listened to it.”

Even leaned forward and handed the blunt back to Isak. He decided Isak had had enough torture.

“We’ll listen to him later.” Even finally said.

Isak looked at him, then, and Even couldn’t decipher the expression on his face. Isak didn’t answer Even, but he didn’t say no either. The night was young, and Even hoped Isak’s silence was a promise for the future.

~

“Are you hungry?” Even asked a little while later, feeling himself coming down from his high, “I can make us something to eat.”

“Oh, so you cook?”

“I make a pretty mean cheese toast.”

Isak smiled, “Cheese toast it is, then.”

Even got up from sitting on his windowsill and walked into the kitchen, with Isak following silently behind him. It was amazing how much more comfortable Isak and Even were around each other now, it had felt like they had known each other for years. There wasn’t even anything romantic about it either - just two guys, chilling over a joint and making cheese sandwiches. Even loved the dynamic between the two of them. Talking to Isak was so unbelievably easy when Even wasn’t so giddy and nervous and ready to vomit from excitement. He sincerely hoped this foundation for their relationship would blossom into more, but right now he was all consumed with enjoying Isak’s company. He hadn’t had such a magnetic connection in a very long time. Probably never, actually.

While Even was rifling through the fridge, Isak had pulled one of the kitchen chairs next to the countertop. Even thought he was going to sit on it, but instead, Isak climbed on top so that he could sit on the counter. Even swallowed hard, trying not to think about the many fantasies he’d had about placing Isak on a kitchen countertop. It wasn’t working very well.

Even waltzed over to Isak, who was smiling at him with a sparkle in his eyes. Even wanted to kiss Isak so badly, but he knew Isak wasn’t ready for that quite yet. He could tell Isak wasn’t comfortable with such intimacy, especially with someone of the same sex. Somehow, Isak had become a cold, bitter human in regards to letting himself feel. Whenever Even would read Isak, he always caught glimpses of Isak’s true emotions, but they’d always be quickly clouded with Isak trying to cover it up, trying to act cool. Never really being himself.

But, as of right now, with Isak staring at Even from the kitchen countertop and Even standing next to him, preparing the cheese toasties, Even could feel the difference radiating off of Isak. Isak was lighter, happier than Even had ever seen him before. To be fair, the weed had definitely had an impact, but Even was still convinced that he’d somehow played a part in welcoming the change.

“That is one sweaty cheese,” Isak eventually said, catching Even off guard as he’d fallen deep inside his head again.

“Yeah, I know…I managed to leave it out when I left for school today. So it’s been lying out, almost melting.”

Isak chuckled, which brought Even to ask, “Has it happened to you before?”

“Yeah! Yeah. I always forget cheeses…”

“Yeah, you as well?” Even was smiling so wide he thought the skin around his cheeks might tear open.

“Yeah.”

“Fuck! That’s a first world problem.”

“Cheese and keys.”

Even laughed at that. This boy was too cute for words.

“And especially cumin cheese,” Isak said.

“Cumin cheese! Fuck, that one’s new.” Okay, Isak had officially surpassed his previous level of cuteness.

Isak laughed, “Those are the three things I forget a lot.”

Even left Isak then to walk over to the refrigerator, grabbing a beer from the bottom shelf.

“Beer?” Even asked. Isak simply nodded, his smile not once leaving his face.

“Here you go,” Even handed the beer to Isak, who took it graciously, “Cheers.”

“Cheers,” Isak replied.

Even and Isak both took a drink, and then set their beers down simultaneously. It was crazy how in sync they were with each other.

“So,” Even started, as he turned back to the cheese toasties, “What kind of spices would you like?”

Isak watched him intently, eyeing his every move. Even continued his parade of spices, acting very interested in his tiny rack of cooking materials.

“Let’s start with…Caribbean Jerk Barbecue?” Even glanced over at Isak.

Isak smiled, “Caribbean Jerk sounds…perfect. Go ahead.”

“Chili?” Even asked.

“Chili. Always chili.”

Even laughed at Isak’s ridiculousness. Apparently, he was just as excited about spices as Even was.

“Rosemary?”

“Rosemary? Yeah, a lot!”

“A lot of Rosemary, okay. A lot, a lot, a lot. I’ll just load it up.” Even was amused at Isak’s excitement. He couldn’t believe what a dork his heart had picked to have a crush on. Nevertheless, Even was prepared to give Isak whatever he wanted.

“Even more?” Even was silently hoping Isak knew his spice boundaries.

“Nah, that’s enough.” Good job, baby.

Isak’s face grew redder and redder as he realized Even was reaching for another spice. At this point, Even was just milking Isak’s ability to be an adorable little shit.

“Pottagaldrar?”

Isak had never heard of this spice before, judging by the fact that he questioned the name. “Pottagaldrar?”

“Pottagaldrar.”

“Uh, yeah?!” Isak seemed uneasy with his life choices, but Even continued to litter the spice over the cheese toasties.

As Even spread the spice over the toast evenly, Isak became distracted by his phone, his face falling and frown lines appearing in his forehead. He was still cute, to Even, but Even noticed his sudden disinterest in cooking. As a lame attempt to grab his attention again, Even asked Isak, “Cinnamon?”

Even was expecting Isak to deny this, to claim that that was possibly the worst idea ever known to man. But, alas, Isak turned to Even and said, “Yeah, fuck it.”

Well, this is it. Even had to accept that his time had come, and he was about to fail at making “mean” cheese toast. All because of the little shit on the countertop sitting next to him. He would be more angry if he wasn’t slowly melting every time Isak became giddy and excited.

Even laughed obnoxiously, looking between Isak and the cheese toasties. What a mess.

“I think it’s going to taste like balls,” Even spit out between his laughter.

If Even thought Isak’s face was red before, it was a tomato now. Isak hid his face behind his phone and groaned, clearly embarrassed by Even’s assumption. Even continued to live for the moments when he could see his affect on Isak.

“But, there’s no turning back now,” Even admitted.

Isak shared his statement. “No,” he shook his head, “There’s no turning back now.”

~

When the cheese toasties were done cooking, Even let Isak pick the sauce to put on top of them. This failed masterpiece was Isak’s doing, after all. Once Isak was done squirting the sauce on top of the toast, he handed the bottle back to Even. Even grabbed the bottle from Isak, their hands brushing against each other’s for a quick second. Even and Isak both looked up at each other at the same time, eyes wide and glistening at the sensation. Isak averted his eyes quickly, and cleared his throat as Even walked over to the fridge to put the bottle away. The atmosphere had grown foggy again, and Even could feel the warmth reach his cheeks. He tried to cover it up by quickly grabbing his plate and asked Isak to follow him into his bedroom. He realized afterward the sexual connotations that could go along with that statement.

Isak followed Even into his bedroom, beer and toast in hand. They both decided to take a seat on the floor, and Even felt himself tense up, noticing his hand hadn’t stopped tingling since the incident a few minutes ago. Cool.

Even and Isak decided to take a bite of the toast together, knowing they were in this together and if they were going to go down, like if this toast was going to kill them, well, they would die by each other’s side.

Even crunched his face up at the bitter taste. “There’s something not quite right with it,” he finally said.

“It’s absolutely terrible.” Isak blurted out. Even couldn’t stop himself from laughing at Isak’s bluntness.

“It’s so bad, it’s kind of good,” Even lied, trying to cover up the fact that he’d failed at cooking for Isak. Even though Isak was asking for it with his “Fuck It” attitude.

“No! It was so bad, it got even worse.”

Even feigned insult, “Excuse me! You were the one who wanted us to put on all of those spices!”

“It’s really important to have a lot of kardemomme.”

“That’s the trick?”

“Kardemomme!” Isak screeched. Even broke down into a fit of giggles, Isak joining in. The nervousness from their hands touching had evaporated from the environment and had been replaced with light admiration.

“For it to taste good?” Even choked out between his laughter.

Isak smiled, a smile that was laced with a smirk, “Mhm.”

“You’re such a dork, Isak.”

“I am not!”

“You’re literally yelling over spices. What do you call that?”

“Maybe I just have expensive tastes.”

“Says the guy drinking cheap beer over cheese toast.”

“You sure as hell weren’t complaining.”

“I can hear the echoes of ‘Kardemomme!’ in my walls, Isak.”

“Whatever.” Isak rolled his eyes, his cheeks forming that familiar shade of red again. Even should start keeping tallies on how many times he can make Isak blush.

“Have you heard rumors about my rapping?” Isak asked, promptly.

Oh, this should be interesting. “Actually, I have.” Even replied. He hadn’t, but it wouldn’t be Even and Isak if Even wasn’t entertaining Isak’s ability to be so fucking endearing.

“Give me a beat.”

“Okay, fine.” Even wasn’t that great at beatboxing, but Isak’s wish was Even’s command.

Isak took a deep breath, preparing himself for the fire he was about to spin.

“E-BOX, GIVE ME THE BEAT.”

Even tried so hard to focus on beat boxing. He really did. But, with Isak vibing off of Even the way he was, his head of hair bouncing up and down with an incredible amount of vigor, it was just too much to handle, and Even lost it.

He started laughing uncontrollably, to which Isak shouted, “Come on! Get it together!”

The two of them really were a pair. This is how it truly should be, Isak and Even meeting together and cooking meals for “kosegruppa”. No Emma involved, just Even and his Isak. Even had to keep reminding himself that Isak wasn’t his, not yet. And Even was all too aware that Emma was still a major threat. But, sitting here with Isak right now, these moments were theirs. These moments couldn’t be shared with anyone else, they solely belonged to Even and Isak. And Even wanted to sit here forever so that they would never end.

The doorbell rang in the distance. Even was snapped so quickly out of his sentimental ideas that he’d wondered if this was what it felt like to be concussed. It took Even a moment to realize what the sound meant, but once he did, his face fell and he closed his eyes.

“Fuck. What time is it?”

“Hmmm…ten to eight,” Isak replied lightly.

Even started to get up, his excitement lessening more and more by the second.

“I invited some friends to a pregame, but you’re welcome to stay. I have a lot of beer.” Even desperately hoped Isak wouldn’t leave, but he was increasingly nervous having Isak and Sonja in the same room together. This really wasn’t a good time for Even to be dealing with this.

“Yeah,” Isak answered quietly. It was obvious Isak’s excitement had dropped as well.

Fuck. I’m so sorry, Isak. Your face is just so distracting I completely forgot.

Of course, Even couldn’t use that excuse. He imagined what it would be like to say that out loud, but decided against his better judgment that it just wasn’t a good idea. No matter how much he meant it.

When Even reached the front door, he noticed Sonja standing there with two other friends, Eskil and Elise. “Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” they all replied.

Even stood there awkwardly a moment, the fleeting thought of slamming the door and running away in his mind. Maybe if he closed his eyes, they would go away. He closed his eyes quickly, which really looked more like a prolonged blink.

Nope. Still there.

“Fuck,” he said, gesturing for them to come inside, “I’d almost forgotten, but it’s really nice that you showed up. Thanks. What are the plans for tonight?”

“There’s a list, so…” Eskil said.

“I have the list, I’m responsible for the list,” Sonja answered, as she noticed Isak standing in Even’s bedroom. “So…hi.”

“You guys can introduce yourselves.” Even was trying to act happy, but he really was more disappointed at being interrupted than anything else.

“Hi. Elise.”

“Isak. Pleasure.”

“Eskil.”

“Isak.”

Sonja was about to speak, but Even cut her off, “And this is Sonja. My girlfriend.”

Isak’s face turned from a smile to a slight frown. “Sonja,” she said.

Isak looked between Even and Sonja. Even couldn’t help but silently hope that Isak was jealous, if only to prove that Isak was for sure into him. Isak introduced himself to Sonja, and then he looked at the ground. Hmm, that’s not really an answer, is it?

Even knew he shouldn’t play with Isak’s feelings. He knew it wasn’t a good idea. But dammit, Even was desperate. He had felt so much electricity since the very first time they met, and he wanted to know if Isak could feel it, too. He didn't want to have to cling to a bunch of strings anymore.

“You’re girlfriend has become seller of the month at work,” Sonja told Even.

“Are you for real?” Even asked, intending his excitement to be as genuine as it sounded to him.

“Yeah.”

“What?!” Dramatic as hell. Even could feel Isak’s eyes burning into his skin.

“Don’t overreact, though.”



“You’re so talented!”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s great. So I get extra…”



“Let me be a little proud, though.” Okay, so he actually meant that. He was happy for Sonja.

“Yeah…you can be proud. I got a wine from Trond. He’s always so angry and grumpy, but…”

“Your flirty boss?” Yup, Isak was still staring at him.

“He flirted a little, but that’s okay,” Sonja answered. Even took this opportunity to kiss Sonja, who welcomed the kiss with ease.

He didn’t want to admit he mostly kissed Sonja just to make Isak jealous. Or, in hopes he would make Isak jealous. Even felt guilty about it, but also thrilled at the prospect of Isak possibly being jealous, which would mean he had feelings in return. Which is why Even kept kissing Sonja, backing up slightly as they got further into it. Even could feel Isak’s eyes disappear from his skin and fall somewhere else. When Sonja and Even finally stopped, Isak was staring down at his phone, his face slightly red, but not blushing. No, this was a different shade of red, one Even guessed was filled with anger. He didn’t think he would affect Isak this much by making out with Sonja in front of him, but now he was thinking to himself if having this small confirmation was worth making Isak pissed off. He wanted to apologize straight away, but knew that that was something he simply could not do.

As his friends all sat down on his bedroom floor,  and Sonja went into the kitchen to grab beer, Even looked at Isak, who was still concentrated on his phone. When Isak realized Even was looking at him, he cautiously rose from his phone screen to look back. When their eyes connected, Even smiled a small, sad smile and tilted his head to the side. It was unbearable to have Isak here, next to him, without a smile. Without a sparkle in his eyes. He then looked into Isak’s eyes fiercely, filled with emotion, as if to silently say,

I’m interested in you too, Isak. I promise. Don’t give up on me just yet.