#I wanna make it kinda like. half gender neutral half feminine or something

[hershelwidget]

Something something here’s the gang but even funkier than before

cannot stop giggling at how much Undertow does n o t look like a professional doctor and how TINY Apollo is and how much Marigold’s outfit resembles Nastasia from SPM

please don’t consider these official designs until I draw them in my notebook, these are just kinda bases or big ideas as to what they’d look like

[totiredtowrite]

Dysphoria Comfort Headcanons

Warnings - cursing, dysphoria, mentions of insecurity

Note: Reader is transmasc and it's geared towards ftm, but I threw in some gender fluid stuff too. I'm not well versed in genderqueer or demi, or other things along those lines, so tell me if I do anything wrong pleasee

Characters are Kyotani, Matsukawa, and Daishou

Transmasculine Reader - Fem Readers DO NOT Interact.

Kyotani Kentarou

Lets be real, he's a bit of a dunce

like I'm not saying hes stupid, he just doesn't understand much lol

So when he confessed to you and you started fidgeting, he thought he did something wrong

Essentially you were worried that he wouldn't want to be in a relationship with you once he found out that you're trans, so you got a lil worried

Bc essentially you pass very well at school and wherever, so you just didn't tell anyone

And now you were worried about that

So you just kinda come out to him then and there

and he goes 'okay'

Like literally his face doesn't change from 😐

he's like "so you still wanna date orrrr"

Yeah man doesn't care

I swear to everything that this man is pansexual

So onto the comfort part

For ftm readers firstly

If you feel uncomfy or too feminine or just overall awful, he'll try his best

And by try his best I mean curl his whole body around you

(even if you're taller)

He jus wants you to forget about it n feel better :(

he isn't good with words at all so instead he uses action yk?

If he knows that you're feeling dysphoric or sad he'll either A, follow you around like a dog to see if theres anything he can do for you, or B, cuddle you half to death

And those things also carry over if he has a genderfluid or nonbinary partner

If his partner is genderfluid, he'll try his best with the pronouns

Theres no saying he wont mess up, (ofc), but he'll feel pretty bad about it and wait on you the rest of the day

And same thing goes for a nonbinary partner

Loves you regardless, tries with pronouns if you're genderfluid, enby, or really anything on the spectrum

Matsukawa Issei

Why are there like no matsukawa gifs

anyways

ISSEI

Ftm reader for the beginning

before he even confesses, he knows bro

Takes one look at you and goes "oh yeah, that's a trans guy"

And he doesn't really care all that much

Sure every once in a while he's like "so he don't got a dick 🤨" and then moves on with his day

He didn't care too much until you joined the vbc as a manager

And then he was like "Okay I like this one"

Man just accepted that he thought you were cute and moved on with his life, just now crushing on the cute manager

I would say he confessed very casually on a walk home or something

COMFORT NOW

So Matsukawa, out of the three characters for these headcanons, is probably the most chill

If you're feeling dysphoric, just tap on his shoulder or something and he'll know whats up

Even in front of the team, he won't out you if you didn't come out

He understands that it's your choice and nobody elses >:(

And, for those who need to hear it, you're still valid even if you haven't come out to anyone

Whether you pass or not

Now for my ftm readers, (really also afab nb/genderfluid or whateva), You just know that he's the best when its that time of the month

Like the best

He'll go out and get you gender neutral supplies if you don't have it/are too nervous too, he'll buy you shit, everything

And with genderfluid (afab or amab yall both valid asf) readers he'll make sure that you have whatever you need to feel comfortable on any given day

I think he'd be a lot better with pronouns than Kyotani, cause he thinks more before he speaks

And for anyone else on the wide gender spectrum that I missed, you know he'll do good for you too

AND AND

If you use all pronouns he'll def mix them up a lot and not use one set of pronouns for too long if you don't want him to

Daishou Suguru

Now I know that he can be conniving and infuriating, but all I see is some awkward dude

He can be soft come on

So I'm gonna say you came out to him after you'd already established a relationship

And Daishou was WORRIED man

Like you were fidgeting and not making eye contact

He was like "this mf boutta confess to cheating or smth 🤨"

Lemme tell you, when you came out he was beyond relieved

But he was also like "oh nooo my baby thought we'd break bc of this :((((("

Makes it his mission to prove you wrong

Bc he really does care about you and whatever you need, he's there to help

If you are afab and don't pass, he'll do whatever he can to help you make that transition

Help you pick out new clothes, if you need a new name he'll make suggestions, he'll start introducing you as his boyfriend or his partner depending on what you're more comfortable with

And if you're amab/afab and use a multitude of pronouns/are genderfluid, he'll help you with whatever you need there too

I saw this thing once where someone made three different colour bracelets for their genderfluid friend, and depending on which colour bracelet said friend wore they knew what pronouns to use

I think Daishou would do something like that

He's sweet when he wants to be

He's very accommodating for whatever you need

And will also punch someone if they misgender you on purpose or be transphobic 🥰️

~

Do not repost, translate, or copy my work on to other platforms.

[werevulvi]

I am gender critical, detransitioning and I do have a bone to pick with the trans community, but I still can't entirely let go of... trans thinking. For lack of better wording. At this point I'm basically trying to hold two different perspectives at once, and they might seem paradoxal, but I don't think they necessarily have to be.

I call those two perspective "sex-based" and "gender-based" and it should be fairly clear what I mean by that, but just in case it isn't: Sex-based refers to categorising men and women and sexual orientations after biological sex, and gender-based refers to categorising men and women and their sexual orientations after each individual's own feelings of gender identity and sexual identity.

I'm gender critical in the sense that I think biology is what determines what we are and it's my understanding that sexual orientation is based on sex. I also think that laws should be based on sex and not gender. However, I do still think there is some sense in that people can still have subjective ideas of gender identity as any other human emotions, which makes me view gender identity as subjective reality. It is real within the minds of those who believe it. It is merely their own interpretations of themselves. Such a thing can never be wrong, in a sense. It can never be proved, but also never be disproved.

I think of gender like that. I believe trans people's genders are true for them, because that's just how they perceive themselves. But then how do I perceive myself?

I perceive myself in both ways. I see that my body is biologically female, and since I no longer have strong feelings of dysphoria about that, I can easily and proudly admit that my biology makes me a woman. As simple as that. But on the other hand, I do have a mind that resides in that female body, and that mind is clearly only half on the same page as my body's original intentions. There is more to me than my biology. The mind, the soul, the consciousness, whatever you wanna call it. That, appears to be what I could describe as androgynous. My androgyny is not just wearing suits and makeup, knitting and playing video games, or whatever arbitrary things we decided to call masculine or feminine... it goes much deeper than that, which should be plain for all to see. My androgyny gave me dysphoria, and is easied with transition.

My detransition is NOT me opting out of transitioning. It is not me saying transition as a whole was a mistake, because it wasn't. What I'm doing is only correcting the mistakes that I did make and then cherish the rest. It was me realising I'm not a man, nor will I ever be male. It is possible I may wanna go back on T one day, at least I'd consider going on a low dose if my hairs start to thin out, to prevent that outcome. I will get a breast reconstruction to "reverse" my top surgery as that was indeed a mistake, and I will get my legal gender marker changed back to female again because I am not male as it states on my ID card, and I don't want to hold onto that lie. You can call it a partial detransition if you will, because I'm still happily transitioned with testosterone and I refuse to "correct" myself after what type of body I'm supposed to have as a woman. Call me an incorrect female, if you will, as I am proudly hairy and deep-voiced.

I'm male-passing. Every day of my life. Because I refuse to "correct" myself and be a typical woman. That is a choice I made and will (most likely) continue to make. It's a difficult choice, but in a sense I also really like it. I like that it allows me to look gnc by adding femininity to my style, instead of masculinity. Because I feel a million times more liberated and expressive now when wearing makeup with my beard, than I ever did before wearing no makeup and growing no beard. I like that I look gnc male because of my femininity, when in fact I'm a gnc female because of my masculinity.

I feel like I need to embody aspects of both femaleness and maleness. My T-spiked femaleness. Facial hair, deep voice, vulva, breasts and hairy curves. Being like that gives me positive feelings. That I'm just right, perfect, beautiful, in harmony with myself. Feelings that I could call a gender, because that's how simple it is. THAT is what gender is. Gender... is whatever you want it to be. And I choose to make it something highly personal, something that is just mine but also not imposed onto anyone else. No specific pronouns or labels required, no special treatment... although more gender neutral bathrooms and locker rooms available would be nice, because I look like a circus.

And yes, I'm aware most people probably either don't feel that gender-feeling, or they just have a different interpretation of their such feelings, and they don't call it a gender. They're simply women because they are female, or men because they're male, or just going about their lives not over-thinking what they are. That is fine. It makes total sense and I don't ever want to infringe upon that. Gender can absolutely be harmful and I agree that society has taken it too far. Way, way too fucking far and we need to back the fuck up. Make gender-segregated spaces sex-segregated again. Make women's rights sex-based again. No males in women's spaces, no dehumanising of women because of their biology, no pretending we don't get socialised based on our sexes, no erasing of sex-based medical and political needs. I am still gender critical, but no, I do not denounce gender as a concept. I'm too much of a hobby philosopher to do anything such, because gender is a highly philosophical thing. I think there is some merit to gender as such, but there needs to be a limit in society. I believe there can be two different definitions of "woman" as long as we know which definition is to be applied to laws, rules and regulations.

And regardless of what I'd choose to call my gender, I'm still a lesbian. Because my homosexuality is based on that my sex is female and that I'm only attracted to other females. That cannot change, and I am proud to be a lesbian.

Thanks to radfem, to my past decade in the trans community, and to still keeping one foot in each camp, I can see it from both sides of the fence now. Because I hold both perspectives at once. And I think that is good, although I'm aware that both camps may hate me for that. Then camp me out, I don't care. I'm a free-thinker, I don't like hivemind thinking. I always need to maintain some kinda balance, even if it takes me long to find it.

It's been my thinking in these past couple of days, that perhaps what I need to do is to embrace both. To honour and embrace both my female sex and my androgynous mind. I am both a woman and I am nonbinary. I've been fighting for a year between those two labels, torn between my sex and my gender. I cannot keep doing that anymore. There is no reason that I should have to scrap one for the other, no matter how much gender critical people tell me I should scrap gender and the trans community tells me I should scrap my sex. No. I won't do either. So that's how I came up with the idea that maybe I wanna call myself a "nonbinary woman" as to label both my gender and my sex in the same breath. "Gender critical nonbinary woman" may seem like a paradox, or a joke, but I'm serious, and I mean it. I'm still considering it, but I needed to ventilate my thoughts on that a bit.

Also, if I again get some nasty message from someone about that I should stay out of the nonbinary tag... please calm down and tell the rest your over-sensitive community to do the same, because I'm one of you now, so it is my tag to use as well. Maybe I want for other nonbinary people to read this. Maybe I want for them too to know that not all nb people are the same fucking cringey monolith. I'm sick of your hivemind too. I'm both a "terf" and nb, so I will be in both communities, whether you like it or not. I believe I have made myself clear, but if there are any questions from either audience, I'll gladly answer them as best as I can.

If you've never heard of a gender critical nonbinary woman before... well, I might just be the first, or there might be others before me, but I hope one day I can light the way for more of us to follow. All I wish is to speak the truth, even if that truth is merely subjective.

[theinsanecrayonbox]

Digging your tabletop pride icons! I like the filter effect they have! :-) Do you by any chance have a textpost of the characters and their sexual orientations/gender identities? I recognise some of your characters, but not all of them, and there are pride flags I've never seen before, so I'd like to learn more. :-)

well thank you. it was just a bit of photoshop work.

i do not have a list of that made up yet...so lets do that now lol

let me preface this though with two points.; 1) i am 1 of 2 females who play regularly in my dnd group of 6 (sometimes 7) people, the other is Dixon. so i am usually the only female in the party itself. i have only ever played 2 (and a half) male characters in the 6/7 years i’ve been playing; every other male character i do in my tabletop group arts are story characters, not player characters. i am also 1 of 2 (sometimes 3) people in the group under 40. romance isn’t really a big part of our storytelling...no matter how hard i try to put it back in there ^^; 2) i identify as quoisexual myself, so all my characters have that to some degree in them just because i’m the player and you bleed into your characters that way. i also use goggle as a helpful tool to learn about all the different identities, so my knowledge and interpretation is fallible.

ok so list now;

Paige-Cupioromantic, meaning does not feel attraction, but desires that type of relationship i went with this, because Paige....well...is Paige lol. as one player once said “it feels wrong trying to date her, because she acts so young and innocent” and to be fair, she isn’t really out here looking at people as romantic partners. she wants friends, she loves her friends. also you know, mortal embodiment of an eldritch horror terror, so...

Cizma-Fraysexual, meaning has strong attraction until a relationship is formed and then the attraction fades she’s the opposite of Paige, and this is mostly based on her “relationship” with InkShade honestly; she believes she’s madly in love with him, but he refuses her, so she pursues him more. i think if he gave into hr advances and reciprocated, she’d realized her feelings weren’t what she thought they were. i admit, this one’s new to me so my interpretation could be very wrong, but that’s how i feel it fits Cizma.

Ada-Quoisexual, meaning has trouble distinguishing between romantic and sexual attraction as i said above, my default is this, so if i don’t know a character’s leanings it’s their too (yes jelena is my icon and is this too fyi). BUT in fairness, it suits Ada because of how she was raised; she has very little idea how to properly people here. and she is developing some sort of a relationship with Til. also, her first dice bag was my pride bag with this flag.

Gauzra-Lithoromantic, meaning has desires of attraction, but does not want them reciprocated again, kind of supposed to be in opposite to Ada, and seeing as i still don’t know Gauzra’s personality this could change...but from my interpretation of her right now, this feels right. plus the flag goes with her color scheme.

Rosalba-Demisexual, meaning does not feel attraction until a strong bond is formed at the time i was playing Ro, this was how i identified primarily, but it still suits her i think. if you met Rico after meeting her, you would never know WHY they were a couple, but those two kinda fought against two life times to be together (three if you count the accent into godhood). Ro’s also never been good at getting close to people, but once she did, you’re stuck with her.

K’nessan-Nonbinary, meaning does not identify with a binary gender scale; Marsic, meaning is attracted to masculine qualities ok, ok, *technically* since Ness is a hermaphrodite they should be inter-sexed BUT they do prefer the gender neutral pronouns (followed by the masc; never use “it/that’ or you will die)...and their color scheme matches the flag, so... ^^; i also included in the list the Marsic because Ness does have a preference for male partners

Nemo-Asexual, meaning has no desires for attraction Nemo is nothing but a hero, so that pretty much screamed ace to me...plus it matched her color scheme

Mekala-Aromantic, meaning has no desire for attraction i wasn’t really sure about her, since you know 2 failed campaigns in a row didn’t give her much room to grow, but i could see this working. she’s not really looking for anything, more searching her past. 

Jass-Bisexual, meaning attracted to both males and females Jass is my sabretooth, so my sabretooth headcanons are canon for her lol. we only saw her have a relationship with fantasy!Deadpool in the game she was played, but hey

Tesla-Electio Aroace, meaning has no desire for attraction, whether sexual, romantic, or tertiary  i admit, this one is completely new to me, so my interpretation could be very wrong, but the idea that this is one that is uninterested in any form of attraction suits my viral android very well. again, she has gone on record saying that “the biological imperative for emotions is distractive” (more or less) which is especially funny since she was played in a valentines game where the goal was to let Cupid infect a town with horniness to make babies; Tesla was the only one unaffected and actively trying to stop that. so yeah.

Theo-Pansexual, meaning is attracted to any gender yeah, Theo’s just out there doing and being anything

Sean-Bisexual, meaning attracted to both males and females; he however has a stronger male preference i admit, one reason why Sean is bi and not just gay is for the “half and half” joke...but yeah, he started the game with a boyfriend, he would kill everyone for his boyfriend, he woudl die for his boyfriend.

Vitanya-Gynosexual, meaning attracted to feminine qualities still learning new things as we do this, but since Vita has had little development (but will be getting more) i’m kinda aiming to have her be a bit more into girls...we’ll see how that pans out

Lokaj-Androsexual, meaning attracted to masculine qualities originally i had him as something else, but when i saw that description i liked it better, since he ended up with Arkos and all

Arkos-Transgender, meaning identifies with a different physical gender than the one assigned at birth; Gay, meaning attracted to men going more off the latest version here than my previous one for this. but yeah, he’s just straight up trans here, not intersexed, and his tribe is cool with it. plus being a tribe means not enough money to get magic to physically change anything...but he’s ok with that. in his tribe it’s less what you have and more how to act.

Rikkar-Bisexual, meaning attracted to both males and females mainly because he did have a fiance...even though they weren’t super into the idea, they weren’t against it either...but he’s far more into Ark

Tarn-Lesbian, meaning attracted to women she has been a loud raging lesbian since day one, and nothing will ever change that. not even one continuity having her in a forced, bested in trial by combat, marriage to Starlord basically. she will only go for a dude if he’s a dragon...and he’s gotta be a hot dragon...and even then it win’t lasting dude.

Reyzah-Abrosexual, meaning one’s attraction is constantly changing or fluid Reyzah started as a knock-off tarn honestly and never got to thrive too much. but compared to her siblings, she was always the one learning and trying to figure herself out, so this fits well.

Margus-gay, meaning attracted to men Margus, similarly to his sister, started off as quiet nervous gay, and by the end of the adventure he had himself a doppleganger husband and confidence to boot, so yeah, my baby boy grew up good. admittedly a lot of his self-confidence issues were more from his half-orc heritage, BUT that fed into the “no one would wanna date me cause i suck” mentality. so yeah.

Nikkos-Asexual, meaning feels no desire for attraction he’s Margus’ twins, and was always intended to be some sort of ace. the joke being the Ironbrood kids are a full set; likes girls, likes guys, figuring things out, likes doughnuts. i waffled over making him a more defined type though...but since i’ve only played him for like one session as a background character, i’m not sure where he’s at. so general ace is fine. he loves and supports his siblings, and is best uncle to Margus’ kids anyways, so s’all good.

Jelena-Quoisexual, meaning has trouble distinguishing between romantic and sexual attraction i know i said up in Ada’s that Jelena was this too, but here i am saying it again since she’s my actual icon and not in the reffed to image set. i haven’t played her, so this could change...but i’m very self projecting on her during quarantine to begin with, so yeah she’s quoi until proven otherwise ^^;

so hope you found this informative...and that my information isn’t too terribly off ^^;;;

[dancing-with-dichotomies]

Dororo and Godiva, A Hesitant Comparison/Plea for the GNC

A HESITANT comparison, I repeat, because obviously these two stories are from completely different cultures and have nothing to do with each other whatsoever, it’s just some things I noticed they have in common a few episodes ago that I’ve been meaning to bring up. Obviously I don’t think anyone making any sort of Dororo content ever took Lady Godiva into account. I just can’t help but see it myself.

So, I waited to make this post until the end of the show. I was already pretty sure they weren’t going to reveal Dororo as trans in the final episodes just because of how much plot content there was left to force into the final eps, but I’m not 100% happy to see that I was right, either. In my opinion I think they modeled Dororo’s future self waaaaay too much off of Mio. It hardly even looks like Dororo, she looks more like Mio there.

Whatever tho, ain’t gonna trip about that too much, I got other things to discuss. Just saying it’s a little weird that they seemed to have modeled adult!Dororo after Hyakkimaru’s former flame Mio, kinda seems like they’re trying to insinuate something, and I feel it would have been truer to Dororo’s character to show her in clothing that looks more gender neutral. And since Mutsu seemed like a rather GNC female to me, to the point where even I, a GNC person, was a lil unsure about her gender at first, I’m not sure why that would have been an issue to do for Dororo too? 

But anyways, to the actual point of the post, Dororo and Godiva.

For those not aware, in the legend of Lady Godiva, the titular lady in question bids her husband the lord to be more lenient with the taxes in order to help the people suffering around her. He at first refuses until she agrees to find a way to ride through the town “both naked and yet not naked, and both riding a horse and walking”, thinking she won’t be able to.

She manages this by riding through town with one leg over a horse and one on the ground, “clothed” in a fishing net. During the time of her ride through town, she begged all the villagers to stay inside, but one man named Tom did not. For peeping at her nakedness Tom was struck blind by god in some versions, and struck dead in others. And that’s where we get the term “Peeping Tom”.

Now it might sound a lil more like Nui at first being the wife of a lord but check this out...

Lady Godiva uses her privilege to help the plight of the people. Nui didn’t really do that until her final days, and only when she was in the thick of it and would probably look really weird standing around in finery surrounded by suffering people and not helping, otherwise it was cushy castle life for her. Dororo pretty much immediately upon becoming rich is thinking about how to use it to help her people.

Then there’s the issue of the nakedness and that obviously uncomfortable scene... and while that’s not the main point of the comparison, well, there is that too. Dororo and Godiva were both forced to strip naked. Additionally, like Peeping Tom, Itachi and his men, the ones who forced that situation on Dororo and shamefully looked upon her nakedness, were all eventually punished with death. And boo frickin hoo for them.

However, the main comparison I’m trying to make here is this: Godiva is kind of seen as a “a little of this and a little of that” type of character, “Half this, Half not”, “both and neither”, and this is the strongest comparison I’m trying to make.

All of those who were so convinced Dororo would be trans? Still totally fine for you to do so. She’s a very gnc character and if you wanna interpret her as growing up to be a him, you still can. Just because they showed a young teenager version of her in feminine looking clothing doesn’t mean she’s like that all the time? What if the people around her have been pressuring her to dress like her gender because she’s growing up? What if she just dressed up extra nice to visit Hyakkimaru for the first time in a while? Or, god forbid, what if she maybe did grow up to eventually appreciate feminine things a little more? I mean shit, I scoffed as spas when I was a brat but now I wish I could live in one.

Personally though I totally see why people prefer an at last gnc version of her. Because, well, he pretty clearly was trans in the manga judging by the dialogue. But to be honest, I think this version works a little better for the 2019 Dororo?

Because you still CAN view them as trans. It only widens the way you can interpret this character to have different versions where they can be trans, and a gnc female. Because both have the opportunity for representation, both have the opportunity to use Dororo as a character to show their own experience with being either trans or gnc. 

However, to finish this up, I think it’s important to note why I think they didn’t bother making it explicit if Dororo was trans or not, despite the original source and all the hints they gave. I mean, besides transphobia and homophobia...

But, the more realistic and benevolent reason is simply that... Dororo is a CHILD. And for the vast majority of the series, Dororo was a child. 

It’s important to let children have the room to get to be one AND/OR the other. To let them get to choose both this AND that if they want. And NOT FREAK OUT AND WONDER TOO MUCH ABOUT THEIR SEX/SEXUALITY/GENDER IF THEY DO.

It’s important to let children just be children. And since as a character Dororo was a child, I think it’s most beneficial to insinuate rather than state as fact, just as with a real child, you might think to yourself “wow they look really gay/gnc...”... but you don’t try to tell that kid that’s what they SHOULD be just because of how they like to dress or act. That’s up for them to decide later.

So I think it was a good choice to let the fans decide what kind of gender they think Dororo would choose later in life too, just saying, that’s my personal feelings on the matter. I still think other versions of Dororo are just fine too, tho.

[stealingspectra-blog]

okay so top pair is isidora and connor, and they’re siblings! beneath them is ellis, and she’s their half-sister/cousin. (it is a long and sad story, but basically their father’s are brothers and their mother tried to drive a wedge between them, cue angst.) beneath her is her half-brother, duck (not his actual name lmao), and their half-sister florencia. (same father for all three of them, but he raised ell and duck as a single dad until he met and married flo’s mom.) and the final duo is ell’s daughter lia and duck’s kid cal. more about these nerds under a cut because i talk too much!

so basically dora and connie are a princess and prince, both considered to be like. legendarily beautiful. there is literally almost a war because dora is too pretty. (not really it’s because of an entitled prince getting put IN HIS GODDAMN PLACE by her childhood bestie who may or may not be legendary wizard merlin.) (his place is a grave. nobody thought merlin had actual murder in him but. the boy DOESN’T fuck around.) anyway dora has the ability to read people, like she’s super smart but even more so she’s got a psychic intuition and always knows THE TRUTH. connie’s little bit of magic is supernaturally good luck. like he has had too many incidents where he should have died but somehow??? he’s still alive??? (he has an adrenaline addiction and zero sense of self preservation.)

and then ellis. oh jeez. she’s literally nicknamed “the hot mess express” because she has more issues than whatever fucking newspaper has been in print the longest. so her uncle is the king… and her mom’s husband. while her dad is his slightly younger brother and right hand man, so it’s. awkward to say the least when she’s around her uncle but honestly he loves her because she’s just??? awesome even though she’s got zero sense of self worth??? (her mom is so mean to her because she wanted her to be just like dora but they’re total opposites.) anyway ell has super strength but doesn’t really use it, because she’s a damn good knight without it. also she’s bi and has gender issues that she refuses to confront. listen she is my baby and i have so many feelings about her so please!!! ask questions and give feedback about her especially because she’s very important.

duck is the weird artist of the family, yet also the most normal? like he actually doesn’t have any extra ability like the others, he’s just. duck. but he dresses in terrible clashing pastels and dyes his hair blue, and is such a good brother… like flo is the one who nicknamed him duck and he loves her so much that he demanded everyone else call him that so she didn’t feel bad about saying his name wrong when she was little and it STUCK. and he helps ell when she’s feeling down about herself, like he is so supportive. he’s just very soft and very good and also the most supportive dad because he learned from his dad who is the second most supportive dad??? because duck is trans so when baby cal started asking gender questions, he was just like, “okay baby i love you no matter what” and threw punches when anyone misgendered them. also he’s gay and has a cute husband who’s a knight. (medieval version of the jock/artsy kid trope anyone?) basically duck is the best and i could talk about him forever. (btw the bandages on his hands are because he’s a clumsy sculptor.)

flo’s a straight up badass and queen. like literally she’s a queen of the fairies? through marriage but fairies are a matriarchal society so she has all the power. (her husband is merlin, and they’re in a polyamorous quartet with flo’s bestie and her bodyguard.) but she’s incredibly magically powerful, so much so that merlin himself is impressed. (especially since she freed him from a curse with minimal training.) anyway she’s a cutie and kinda dramatic but she’s loyal and sensible (the boots were something she insisted on, because “a queen of the forest should be wearing proper shoes for walking in the forest”) and maybe a little too stubborn and selfless. also she’s such a daddy’s girl that even as an adult she’ll go to him and insist that he does her hair because he’s the best at it. so much fluff tbh.

lia is ell’s only kid and was very much unintentional… and it’s really sad because in some fucked up ways, her conception parallels ell’s, except her dad was the asshole not her mom. but her bio dad doesn’t actually matter because ell is with this other knight and he totally adopts lia. (and like it's never officially stated because he and ell can't get their shit together, but lia calls him dad and everyone considers lia to be HIS daughter.) and she actually gets along better with him than her mom, because he tends to get her a little bit better. she's not even remotely interested in being a knight, but is super smart and invents shit instead, and is a terrifying child because SHE KNOWS TOO MUCH. (6 year old lia after finding a rabbit carcass in the woods: "mommy, i know that the bunny isn't sleeping. it died of heart failure when the horse scared it." as ell looks over at her not-husband and is like "what the ever-loving fuck is wrong with our child" because lia is a little too casual about death.) honestly she's just fun because she's chaotic neutral and does what she wants because she's got her auntie flo and uncle merlin wrapped around her fingers which makes her almost unstoppable. also her bff is cal because ell and duck got pregnant around the same time so they're the same age and are basically inseparable??? and if anyone fucks with cal she goes from chaotic neutral to chaotic evil in .5 seconds flat. don't fuck with her girl.

and finally cal! sweet baby cal! so they're transfeminine and switch between she, they, and sometimes he pronouns, because they're pretty fluid regarding their gender, it just tends to be somewhat feminine. but they don't really like binary labels, unless they're coming from someone they're very close with. (like how lia calls them her girl or sis, or their grandpa calls them baby girl. or being called the queen bee.) anyway cal is a sweetheart and is the neutral good to lia's chaotic neutral. she is queen of the bees and nobody really understands why or how and nobody questions it either. they just love her and she loves them. she's full of love and optimism and sees the world as a beautiful place, so everyone wants to protect her all the time. she's just too precious. also they're a model and theater actress because it's a truth universally acknowledged that cal is too beautiful and talented to not be the center of attention always.

anyway please tell me your opinions on them and ask questions if you have any, i really wanna know what you think especially if you read all this!

[the-healing-hero]

★ BASIC DETAILS AND OUTWARD APPEARANCE ★

1. Name: Alice

2. Nickname(s)?: Many. Bunny a lot lately! 3. Gender and pronouns?: Female, dont care 4. Age?: 19 5. When is your birthday?: march 14 6. Nationality: finnish 7. Race: white as ur whitest white bread 8. Have any special features?: i got long eyelashes 9. How tall are you?: 5′9 10. Body type?: tol. kinda fat. idk. pear shaped 11. Do you have any moles / freckles?: so many 12. Do you have any significant scars, birth marks or other marks on your body?: surgery scars on my leggy 13. Do you wear glasses?: occasionally 14. If not, do you wear contact lenses?: no... 15. Have any facial hair?: probably 16. If not, would you like to have facial hair?: no 17. Do you regularly shave your legs or arms?: no 18. Are your ears pierced and how old were you when you got them pierced?: I do but uh. idk like 14? 19. Do you have any other piercings / body modifications?: nop and never 20. Do you have any tattoos? If so, how many and what are they?: nope but i wanna get one or two or three someday 21. Is your hair currently its natural color? Or is it dyed?: natural i guess. dyin it costs 22. What color is your hair right now? dark brown 23. Is your general outward expression masculine or feminine, or is it more androgynous? What do strangers most often recognize you as?: androgyne im pretty sure but i do have feminine qualities 24. Skin tone: pale and acne ridden. gros 25. Do you wear make up?: nno ★ RELATIONSHIPS, FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LIVING ★ 26. Do you prefer to have many friends or hold close just a few good friends?: i hold close to a few close ones 27. Do you have a best friend? What's their name? (List as few or as many as you'd like): yeppo froze who im living with rnnnn also otter 28. How / where did you meet your best friend(s) and for how long have you been friends?: froze ive known for like 10 years met on the internet. otter a bit less but samestory 29. Do you still live with your parents?: nope actually 30. Are your parents still married?: ya! 31. Were you raised by your biological parents or were you adopted?: biological parents. love them, lit the best parents 32. Do you get along with your parents?: ya i love them to bits  33. How about with the rest of your extended family?: I love most of my family tbh we’re mostly good folk 34. Do you have any pets? If so, how many?: I got 2 cats 1 dog and 1 hamster. the doggo and hamster live at my parents’ tho 35. Do you prefer to have cats, dogs or both (or neither)?: cats I think but I love my doggo to bits... 36. Are there any animals you don't have but would like to have someday?: possibly? im pretty content with these asshairs rn 37. Do you have any siblings?: yeee 38. If so, how many?: one big brother 39. Are you an only child, the youngest, oldest or the middle child?: youngest boy 40. If you have a sibling / siblings, do you get along with them? What's your relationship with them like?: we get along really well! my brother is such a sweetheart and i love him so much 41. Are you in a relationship?: yes 42. What's your romantic / sexual orientation?: uh confusing. im just into some people 43. Are you monogamous or polyamorous?: mono. pls. im too jealous for that stuff 44. If you're in a relationship, what's your partner's name?: Dandan 45. Are they a boy or a girl?: boyo 46. How long have you been together?: lil over 6 months 47. Where did you meet them?: omg. via rp. omegle. 48. How long have you known them?: like a year and a half? 49. Is your significant other your best friend?: like. in a significant other way! we’re really close but like. i like to keep my friends and lovers separate for reasons 50. Are you long-distance or do you live close to them?: long distance 51. If you're long-distance, have you ever met them in person?: not yet but plannin 52. Have you had your first kiss?: ye not with him but we dont talk abt that 53. What's your favorite thing about your partner(s)?: he’s really loving and emotional and obviously loves me like. a whole lot. and he can also withstand me being completely gross so like. a gift? he’s a gift. 54. Are you happy in your relationship?: ye ye 55. How many exes do you have?: uh. 4? ★ SOME MORE PERSONAL STUFF ★ 56. Do you have a collection of anything? Or would you like to collect something in the future?: mugs.... 57. Do you have a job?: nah i go to school 58. If so, where do you work or are you self-employed?: i do commissions sometimes 59. Last person you called: me mome 60. Do use alcohol?: not really no. on very rare occasions  61. Do you use tobacco?: no ew 62. Do you use any other (currently) illegal substance(s)?: no ew 63. What's your favorite food and drink?: mnt dew and uh fish i think 64. What type of clothing do you wear most often (Tshirts, hoodies / sweatshirts, etc.)?: like long lazy shirts 65. What color is your underwear? black 66. What's your favorite type of kind of pants to wear (shorts, sweatpants, joggers, skinny jeans and so on)?: just underwear or lazy sweatpants  67. Favorite television and / or Netflix shows?: bhhh hard to say i dont watch a lot. some trash reality. 68. Do you play video games? What are some of your favorites?: ya I do. re6 i enjoy. but anything really 69. Do you prefer to play games on consoles or PC?: both, froz introduced me to pc gamin after years of consoling. 70. Favorite movie genre(s)?: action comedy 71. Have any favorite movie movies to watch?: kingsman was real good 72. What kind of deodorant / perfume / cologne do you wear?: just. something neutral 73. Favorite soda(s): mnt dew  74. Do you eat sweets? What's your favorite candy?: this finnish chocolate type. but chocolate in general 75. Ever done anything illegal?: uh. i cant really recall?? ★ PERSONAL BELIEFS, CONTROVERSIES AND OTHER VIEWS ★ 76. Religious / spiritual beliefs (if applicable): agnostic prob 77. Do you attend any sort of religious services regularly (like church)?: not anymore omg 78. Do you believe in a higher power (god / gods, spiritual beings, some sort of creator)?: no and yes idk 79. How about evil? Do you believe in demons, the devil or other inherently malicious beings? yeah kinda 80. Angels and demons? not in that kinda way i guess but ye??? 81. Ghosts and / or other crypids? im scare but not really on cryptids but i believe in ghosts on some level 82. How about aliens? ya 83. Pro-life ("Abortion is murder") or pro-choice ("Women should have the right to abort unwanted offspring")?: pro choice and i think pro life people are just. disgusting 84. What country do you live in and what is your political stance?: finland and no comment 85. Do you believe in witches, witchcraft and / or magic?: eh 86. Do you believe in equal rights among all people of all shapes, sizes, color, gender, sexuality and beliefs?: ye boy if youre peaceful youre fine in my books 87. Do you believe that keeping wild animals in zoos, aquariums or as pets is right or wrong?: to some extent it’s okay. but it’s hard to say so broadly 88. Thoughts on the death penalty?: id much rather people stay in jails for the rest of their lives 89. Thoughts on Donald Trump?: whoawee 90. Should marijuana be legalized for medical and / or recreational use?: not really 91. What are your views on humans creating organic, artificial life? ya sure i dont see why not 92. What about immortality? What are your views on humans searching for the key to eternal life?: no need it’ll be bad 93. Thoughts on overpopulation, what do you think we should do?: educate. help countries that need it. 94. Thoughts on the Flat Earth theory: stop 95. Thoughts on birth-control: absolutely ya 96. Is global warming a myth?: n o??? of course not omg 97. Are your beliefs more liberal or conservative?: no comment 98. Do you believe in Santa Claus and other holiday-related beings?: not really but sh

99. Thoughts on pit bulls. Do you think they're too dangerous to be kept as pets and should be banned? train em proper i dont care 100. Are you vegetarian or vegan? no. i wont be. if youre chill abt it all the power to ya ★ OTHER QUESTIONS ★ 101. Do you have your own computer?: a laptop ye 102. Do you have a mobile phone of your own?: yepo 103. Do you sleep with any stuffed animals and do you have any favorite plush toys?: i sleep with a tiger... 104. What color is your bedset?: depends 105. What is (are) your username(s)?: look at my current one. it me. 106. Do you prefer to draw digitally, traditionally or do you do a bit of both?: digital 107. Do you draw (digitially) with a tablet, mouse, trackpad or by some other means?: tablet 108. How long have you been on DeviantArt? whoa boy too long 109. What was the first website you regularly visited when you first started using the internet?: yt 110. Favorite band(s)?: coldplay, mother mother... 111: What are some of your favorite songs right now? family by mother mother 112. What platform / app do you use most often to listen to your music?: yt mostly 113. Are you missing any fingers, toes or teeth?: teeth ye 114. Ever go through a scene or emo phase?: uh not reeeallllyyy 115. Are you still in school? What grade are you in?: wow just. idk how to answer this. im in school. semi-uni?? 116. Have you ever failed a class?: no 117. Have you ever failed and had to repeat a whole grade?: no 118. Ever been suspended?: no 119. Have you ever been fired or almost got fired from a job?: nno 120. Have you moved away from your parents?: yeee

121. Do go to college / plan to go to college?: yeeeee 122. What color are your curtains?: pale 123. Ever broken a mirror?: no 124. What was your favorite thing to do as a child? all kinds of things. play. 125. What color are the walls in your bedroom? Is there anything decorative on them? purp n white. pic of my fam there. 126. Do you have your own room or do you share it with somebody? w the roomie! my homie! 127. Does your bedroom door have a lock on it? no 128. Can you drive? Do you have your learners permit or license?: i can do a drive and also am licensed 129. Do you like your ID / School ID photo?: been pretty long since that happened 130. What material is the floor in your kitchen made of (wood, tile, fake wood, etc.)?: tiles 131. What's your favorite book?: I quite enjoyed confessions

132. Do you like cereal? What's your favorite kind?: they dont sell them anymore... this chocolate puff things 133. What color is your wallet (if you have one)?: black asm y soul 134. Do you like milk? Do you drink it straight from the carton?: occasionally and nah das nasty when u sharin a house 135. Tag some friends: no 

[werevulvi]

Okay I feel like I just got very close to what's going on with me genderwise and why I've been spinning in circles about it so much. Especially lately, but also always. Keep in mind most of this text is just me ranting in attempts to try to figure myself out. It’s not definitive or a conclusion. Input is however always welcome. I think I would have been nonbinary if I hadn't become a radfem and no longer identify with gender as a concept. My personality/brain is very androgynous and I literally can't say it's of any specific gender. The question, of course, is does anyone's brain even have a gender? Well I'm no expert but I think it's possible that some people do, or rather that they come to the conclusion that they do. In my world, gender is ideological and belief-based rather than factual. It's a belief that I don't have, but I'm generally fine with others having it. Just like I'm fine with people believing in God, or any other deities. Cause I mean heck, I believe in Satan, so...

But I like and want for general society to be sex-based, not gender-based; just like I want for all societies to be secular. Cause gender hurts people (women, mostly) just like religion does too.

My dysphoria is pretty much telling me I should be partially both male and female (as opposed to neither sex), so from that I could theoretically come to the conclusion that my gender is nonbinary, now in my detransition, if I believed in gender. But since I don't, I simply scratch the concept of gender altogether and only go by my biological sex instead. Which is, transitioned or not, and regardless of what I wanna look like, still female. And it's possible that since my dysphoria is at least half okay with me being female, that could be why I'm also totally fine with seeing myself as a woman, cause even my dysphoria doesn't entirely oppose of that. It just partially wants me to me a man as well. Somehow.

And I've always been much more concerned with my physical/bodily situation than however I'm perceived socially, anyhow. But simply "getting over" being perceived as a man 100% of the time when my brain just goes against that, is not so easy. Sometimes I like it but not by every new person I meet. I want to be consistent, but for unknown reasons I hate neutral terms and the "they" pronouns. I guess ideally I'd be a "he/she" but I'd absolutely hate being such an obnoxious brat as to even kindly ask people to switch around terms and pronouns for me. Like I'd hate myself for it and feel like a complete burden. So I stick to only female terms/pronouns for convenience and consistency.

It's not that I see myself as a man one day and a woman the next, but rather my dysphoria says I'm somehow both a man and a woman at the same time, always, and it doesn't really shift around or change. Although on some days I do connect more or less to one or the other, but always acknowledge both. You know those old depictions of Satan painted as half a man and half a woman? (Usually with a goat head, but ignore that part.) Yeah something like that, but more coherently blended together, like equally mixed on both sides. However I still like and want for my body to be predominantly female, I just also like it having gone through both a female and a male puberty. It's like I connect with both sexes, but I know I'm not actually both. I'm just female. And perhaps I would ideally want to be seen as a "both male and female" person, but I'm also totally fine with being seen as just a medically masculinised woman, cause that's what I literally am. We're back to scientific basics here. What my dysphoria says is a deluded fairytale; what I say is let's be rational. And I don't want to be seen as or consider myself as something I am not. Not anymore. "I want to live in the real world" as Neo says in The Matrix movie when he takes the red pill. But when it comes to labels... yeah, no there really isn't a term for someone like me, who de-/transitions in a nonbinary way but sticks with sex-based terms/words and doesn't agree with gender ideology. FTX, perhaps? No, I hate that one too, cause it looks like I tried to erase my sex instead of enhancing it and making it... merrier. Also, is it just me or don't most nb people who medically transition seem to quite often actually want to look genderless, rather than double the dose? As in wanting to look both male and female at the same time. Well, just thinking about getting anything removed from my body gets me anxious... I can't imagine what it's like to want no sexed traits, and the thought of it makes me a little woozy. Not to judge others' dysphoria, just saying I so can NOT relate to that, what so ever. Cause I guess that's the total opposite of my own dysphoria.

But anyhow, because I don't go by any gender identity, or because I ask to be gendered in accordance with my bio sex, I've little in common with the popular circles of nonbinary people who only seem to be interested in calling out accidental misgendering, making up ridiculous fake genders and neo pronouns, claiming to be "non-dysphoric trans" or whatever the fuck have you. I kinda don't wanna associate myself with that kind of clownery. And let's not even get into what I think of their harmful fake-feminism views that they often drag along with their gender views... Probably the only things I've in common with (some of) those nb people is having atypical dysphoria and wanting more gender neutral bathrooms/locker rooms available. And yeah, less harrassment of gnc people in society, please. Oh well, being part of any pack has never really been my thing. It's always tempting from the outside, but suffocating from the inside. But my real pet peeve is that all trans labels are based on the notion that everything starts with gender identity, rather than gender dysphoria. And I guess that's the thorn in my side. That I don't like how gender-obsessed everything has become. I'd be embarrassed to say "I'm nb" if someone would ask me if I'm a man or a woman. Just like trans isn't a "third gender" I don't think nb is either, but people really do treat it as such. I don't even see transitioning as becoming or transforming myself into something I wasn't born as. I don't see myself as any less female than any women who don't wanna look partially male like I do.

But fact of the matter is a huge reason why I now feel so super comfortable to just go bat shit crazy with my hyper-femininity is because I've got my now additional maleness to balance it out with. I feel very balanced and harmonic with my maleness and femaleness, my femininity and masculinity, or I would if only I also had boobs again. When I imagine that I do (which I do at least several times per day, cause it just happens), I feel so right that there are no words for it... gender euphoria? Those might be the words I'm looking for!

I've been considering possibly just calling myself nonbinary though, for simplicity's sake, even though I don't like that term or associating myself with that community. Cause few outside of radfem circles seem to understand what I am at all, as a dysphoric detrans woman, and I feel desperate for a simple thing to call myself that would make my communication easier. That is why I'm hunting labels, with probably very apparent desperation, cause now I've so thoroughly entangled myself in a web of not being able to communiate my situation to either genderists or normies. Perhaps I could use the slightly incorrect label nb as a crutch or foundational brick, and then explain that despite what my dysphoria is telling me I consider myself a woman, lesbian, she/her, etc because of my female biology.

I dunno, though. I hate it all. Why did I put myself in this situation to begin with?! I want gender abolished yesterday. It's giving me a headache.