#I was planning on writing a shorter thing that was basically just ''it's been hectic recently but it's winding down so I can relax soon'' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cielcius · 3 years

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Hii i don’t know if you really write about these characters but can you do boyfriend hcs for aiku, shidou and sae from blue lock?

THEM AS BOYFRIENDS | HEADCANONS

includes: aiku o., sae i., & shidou r.

from the writer: ahh I do write for shidou but aiku and sae still feel a bit new to me as characters so I apologize if their parts are shorter or ooc. but I hope u enjoy and thank u for requesting! have a lovely day/evening!

notes & warnings: alcohol and minor consumption, food and eating, sae’s going through all seven stages of grief, the hcs just keep getting longer...

Aiku:

he puts a lot of trust in you

as a traveling athlete, he's gotten used to moving from place to place, and in the midst of all that, he's never really gotten to know anyone well enough to call them a good friend

in a way, he's kind of lost touch with people outside of the football world

and then there's the ever-so-cliche line of "and then he met you"

but it's not wrong because the minute you started a conversation with him out of the blue, he was hooked

he had gone out snuck out of his hotel to explore Japan a bit more, deciding to enjoy the views while he could before he had to move on once again

on his journey, he had stumbled across a late-night restaurant that was surprisingly busy, even at the late hour

his plan for frequenting the restaurant was to originally just have a drink at the bar before moving on, but as he took leisure sips from his glass, you had stumbled into the chair next to him and admittedly took him by surprise

he could tell that you had just come from work, a long day at work—disheveled clothes and everything

"gosh, don't you hate it when your boss pushes everything on you? it's like you might as well just take their job, right?"

Oliver couldn't remember when the last time he had ever actually held a conversation with a stranger that he wasn't forced to interact with but he was attracted to how easily your conversation flowed, starting at how you had been able to approach him so casually

right, because he wasn't football star player, Oliver Aiku, here. he's just Oliver Aiku, someone whose name you probably still don't know as you had continued to talk about your seemingly hectic day at work

though it was after you had downed most of your drink when you went quiet

"I'm sorry. I basically just dumped my whole life story on you, and I don't even know your name. That was really rude of me, I can pay for your drink in return."

but was he gonna do that? no

he had to give you a little bit of credit for being able to even talk to him—approach him, but what he really liked was that you weren't someone who made him think about his next words and actions carefully, you saw him as just another person

to say that it was a pain in the ass to get his manager to agree to let him stay in Japan for a little more is an understatement—but they agreed!

so he took the time to get to talk to you, know you better, make you his

and once you finally were... (and finally, the actual bf hcs...)

he's literally all over you and at the same time, not (?)

he's nothing like overbearing or controlling, he can live with the fact that you might not want to tell him certain things whether they concerned him or not (though if it did concern him, he'd rather you tell him)

I feel like he's the kind of boyfriend that will just always be there for you when he can (that is to say when he's not practicing or playing a match)

he's a really good listener and he looks like a good hugger surprise he is a good hugger

though he does have a really strong character, he just wants you to feed him

no literally feed him food like a baby, he just wants to be taken care of :(

he doesn't really take you out for dates because even though you didn't recognize him as a famous football player, a lot of other people do and he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable with unnecessary attention

so there's a lot of home dates! either that or late night/early morning dates when the crowds aren't so dense

one thing that he is stubborn on doing is walking you home from work. you'll take a fairly quiet route where he won't cause a paparazzi uproar and you guys go back and forth about your day and as he holds your hand, he swings your arms a little as you walk

it's not that he can't cook, he just doesn't want to. but if you tell him something along the lines of "you look like you can't cook", then you're about to have your own Netflix produced cooking show right in your kitchen with Oliver as the only star

and he'll offer to feed you this time :)

Sae:

is he looking for a s/o? no, but does he want a s/o?...hm

Sae doesn't really think about things such as relationships and love as often as others would, due to the fact that he's solely focused on his career

but being too invested in your career may not always be a good thing for some cases

it's right after he's lost a match that his frustration has finally broken through his exterior, seeping out in hard fists and clenched jaws

he was so frustrated with himself that his actions of cleaning up post-match was all a blur that he could barely remember and his teammates' words of encouragement didn't really encourage him, so much as to only anger him even more

so as he walked home, with anger practically seeping from his ears, he could barely comprehend the fact that he had collided with another body in the midst of battling his emotions

the collision was hard enough to knock him to the ground but before he could get up on his own, a hand was offered to him and his vision was finally cleared as his eyes trailed up from the tip of your fingers to your apologetic and slightly panicked expression

"I'm so sorry! are you okay?"

if this were any other day, Sae would have brushed it off and gone on with his day, but this was not any other day

in other words, Sae kind of spaced out after feeling all of the frustration evaporate, leaving an emptiness that made him want to go to sleep right at that moment

his mind was too distracted to notice your hand grabbing his, pulling him up before leading him out onto a warmly lit street

the shops passed his vision in blurs until they refocused and he was finally conscious of the fact that he was being seated at an empty table in one of the many warm restaurants that decorated the street

it was quiet for one, which Sae appreciated, but he still wasn't sure what he was doing there until you had slid the menu across the table to him

"you should eat something. I'm getting number twenty-four."

throughout the meal, Sae didn't say a word, so to fill in the silence, you held a quiet conversation that never required an answer from him or pushed him to talk

you were giving him time to talk if he wanted to

"here, it's my treat."

"no."

despite it being a single word, you couldn't help but be taken back from the sudden spike of conversation coming from his side

of course it was a bit weird to have been dragged out to dinner by somebody he had only bumped into by chance but in a way, he was also thankful for the coincidence that led him to meeting you

he appreciated it when you didn’t press further and was only even more thankful when you saw what he needed—someone’s gentle presence

"it's fine, really. I'm the one who dragged you out here anyways—"

"and I'm paying. thanks for the meal."

you weren't sure why he was thanking you when he was the one who paid in the end but by the time you had both stepped outside, you took in his appearance that seemed a bit more nourished than before

"thank you for the meal. I hope you feel better. um, I'll be going now."

"where are we?"

"what."

yeah...he's lost and you being the only one who only remotely knows him, you walked him back home :D

though as you walked, Sae had become comfortable enough to hold a fairly steady conversation with you. you could almost say that he was opening up a bit

okay let's skip to the embarrassing part when you get to his front door:

"thanks for leading the way..." sensing a slight hesitation, you kindly gesture for him to go on. "sorry but, I just realized that I don't know your name."

and guess what, you don't know his name either because you never introduced yourselves :D this is one heck of a blind date/j

and to make this even more interesting, you only lived a block away from each other

it was as if a new wall had crumbed and suddenly, Sae was bumping into you all the time to the point where you exchanged numbers and often go out for dinners he says that you insist on but it's not like he's saying anything to object...

coming to the terms of the fact that you were friends was hard enough but to think about your relationship in the aspect of love? that's a whole other level of thinking that Sae needed weeks to think on

but when he finally accepted his romantic feelings for you, Sae needed to find a way to tell you, or in other words, he needed a way to tell you where you would also somehow fall in love with him

though in the end, the best he came up with was just outright saying that he likes you

"I like you."

"well, gosh, I sure hope so, or else all these months of hanging out together would have been a really awkward subject to approach."

"no, I like you."

? ?? why does he keep repeating it

it takes you a moment but you get there and exhale in relief because yay! he likes you back and now you're in a relationship (and now I've gotten to the actual bf hcs):

your relationship has a lot of aspects but it mostly depends on the mood being set that day

if the mood is playful, you guys just diss and hate each other (??)

but if the mood is something peaceful then you're literally the softest couple on earth

no in-between but please choose one, the whiplash is too much and you're scaring us

I'd say that this is a strangers to friends to lovers trope so you act like best friends a lot of the time

your relationship is bsf+ the plus being the romantic aspect of your relationship if that makes sense (??)

he can't cook for his life so you come over just to cook for him (but will he ever admit the fact that he just likes eating your cooking? no)

before you move in together, Sae gets really invested when you're doing domestic chores that you've picked up with time and you welcoming him home after a match with dinner on the table had him asking begging you to move in with him

he sticks to a strict schedule and wakes up at the most ungodly hour in the morning just to work out but if you're in bed with him still asleep, then he'll put off getting out of bed just a bit longer so he can revel in your warmth and just smiling at the fact that you're there with him

besides physical touch, he has a hard time expressing his love in other ways so his solution is to spoil you

sometimes its expensive things that cost more than the rent but most of the time, it's little things that remind him of you or things he thought you might like or need

but otherwise, don't mind him, he's trying his best to express his feelings and that's the only thing that really matters

Shidou:

I think despite his reckless nature, Shidou is academically smart

his temper already gets him into enough trouble with gangs so the least he could do was keep his grades up

that is to say, the odds of winning fights weren’t always in his favor and tonight only proved it

it was bad enough that it took place on the other side of town in the middle of a rainstorm but on a school night? now that’s what I call, crossing a line

Shidou was tired, injured, and could barely stand on his own and eventually fell to his knees in the middle of a quiet neighborhood that he didn’t recognize

it was quiet all except for the one warm light emitting from a second-floor bedroom window

was it a bad idea to approach the house? oh yeah, definitely but he’ll take his chances if it means he can at least use the phone

knocking on the door, he didn’t realize that there was only one person in the house which is why he’s currently on the floor sporting the biggest bump on his head

“ow! what the—”

looking up, Shidou was met with your hard gaze and he let his eyes trail to your hands where you held a bat

it seemed to take you both a moment to recognize each other as you eventually dropped the bat in shock, nearly stunned at the fact that you just hit your classmate over the head with a bat

“oh—I'm so sorry! are you okay?”

not sure why you were the one apologizing when he was the one creeping up to your door, Shidou waves you off and only asks if he could use your phone

though he did recognize you as someone he knows, at most he had expected you to make him wait at the door while you went to retrieve your phone

and now he’s sitting at your dining table with a cup of tea in hand and a towel on his shoulders

he had placed your phone a good distance away from him after remembering that his parents were currently taking a trip, meaning he wasn’t going home by car tonight

it was only when you had come back that he commented:

“this is really good, wha’d you put in it?”

introducing, Shidou’s attempt at starting a conversation :D it’s not going very well

you only responded quietly with something that he didn’t even listen to, too distracted by your actions as you place a first-aid box on the table

when you started to clean his wounds wordlessly, Shidou was truly speechless because why were you doing this?

he was just a classmate—practically a stranger—who entered your home and in a way, took advantage of your resources so why were you still helping him?

it was only when he felt a strong sting on his knee that he was brought back from his thoughts

“welcome back. are you gonna tell me why you look like this now?”

“are you talking about why I was born looking like this?”

obviously, he knew what you meant but it was worth seeing the deadpanned expression move across your face before you pressed the cleaning gauze a little harder onto the scrape in his knee

“ow, ow! okay, I'm sorry. I got into a fight, alright?”

you seemed satisfied with his answer because the rest of the time passed with no more words, the only sounds being the rustling of the band-aid wrappers, the wind that knocked against the windows in silent screams, and the rain that was starting to look more like hail and snow

“thanks for patching me up. I'll get going.”

“are you stupid? it’s literally snowing right now.”

lo and behold, you’re right but even if it seemed out of character to most people, Shidou didn’t want to take up any more of your time and hospitality--no matter how much he liked it

though to be honest, it really didn’t take much to convince him to stay

“you can sleep on the couch and go home tomorrow.”

“okay.” :D

getting him spare blankets and clothes, it was only when you were going to bid him goodnight that you noticed the glazed look in his eyes

putting a hand to both his forehead and yours, you were able to confirm that he had caught a fever

and while you did value your bed, the man obviously needed it a lot more than you did

you doubted that he could barely comprehend where you were taking him but once his back hit the bed, his consciousness had ascended

which means he wasn’t conscious of how his arms brought you down into the bed with him you see where I'm going with this ;)

trying to wrangle yourself out of his grasp, you failed to do so and gave up when you felt his grip only tighten

“there's only one bed” but gone wrong

and that’s how you spent the night, trapped in Shidou’s arms that never failed to hold you, and though you could have woken him up, he was technically in your care and you weren’t going to risk having his fever get worse

waking up the next morning is a different conversation

Shidou’s quiet in the mornings, kind of like he’s waiting for his energetic engine to rev up and get going for the day but since he’s sick this particular morning, he’s extremely quiet and it’s extremely unnerving

you called in sick at school for the both of you because 1. you didn’t know where he lived, 2. it didn’t seem like anybody was willing or available to take him home, and 3. it was still near-hailing outside

surprisingly, being sick can make you a lot more vulnerable than you think

the whole time, Shidou’s in a sort of hazy fever dream with sluggish movements and slow blinking but he just won't stop talking ??

it’s kind of like sleep talking but subconsciously, half of the time, he doesn’t even know what the conversations are about but he sure does like listening to your voice like damn since when did it sound so attractive

he also liked to watch you just do house chores all day. he’d sit wrapped in a blanket on the couch and watch you run back and forth with laundry or peek into the kitchen to watch you cook

it’s the domestic vibes for him <3

Shidou has always been an independent character at school and at home so he often takes care of himself but it’s rare to have someone else take care of him, especially when they could keep up with his conversations and even match energies at times

so when he’s up and well, he treats you to dinner (unironically at your house) but he’s the one cooking

is this a date? maybe

even after you part ways and let him go home, he walks you home after school despite living on the other side of town and is now legally your best friend (read: unsaid boyfriend)

though he does like to cook for you, he also prides himself greatly in taking you out and treating you to dinner and it was over one of these dinners that he suddenly was overcome with the urge to grab your hand for no apparent reason

yeah, that’s not what friends do. so he had a long talk with himself that night and after a long and tiring debate against his own mind (which he still questions as to why it was denying his evident feelings ??), he came to the conclusion that he liked you more than friend

confess? confess.

he decides to plan it out mind you this is one of the only things he's gonna plan out for in life and makes up this whole scenario about what's going to happen

yeah, we all know that it didn’t go as planned

originally, he was supposed to meet you at a restaurant for another dinner date but some classmates had called to him urgently, asking him to substitute in a football match

thus, he was late and kept you waiting for almost an hour

and seeing as it was an hour with him being late with no explanation of why, you turn the other way to go home, ignoring the calls of your name that gradually get louder until he grabs your wrist to stop you from walking any further

“please, I'm sorry. just, don’t go, okay?”

“Shidou, you kept me waiting for an hour and you didn’t even tell me you were going to be late.”

you were hurt and even if it were to be seen as something small by most people, it was also a hit to your dignity as you had stood in front of the restaurant for said time

the least he could have done was give you a heads up and as Shidou realizes his mistake, he lets your arm fall back to your side and instead steps closer to you

“I'm sorry. I really am and I know I should have let you know that I was going to be late, but please don’t go, Y/n. let me make it up to you.”

well, how could you say no? though you still had budging feelings of frustration and anger left over, they soon disappeared as Shidou kept his word

so after dinner, he led you to an arcade filled with games, and even after giving you joy-filled memories, he refused to leave until you had at least three plushies in your arms that he, of course, won for you

and now the confession. after his miraculous save of getting you to stay, Shidou became unsure of whether or not it was the right time to tell you but as he’s dropping you off home, standing in front of you, basking in the moonlight with your eyes glimmering as they looked at him, he knew he had to tell you then

“I like you.”

just seconds after the words leave his mouth, his breath catches itself in his throat as he waits for an answer, but he never expected it to be a nonverbal one

reaching up, you press a gentle kiss to his cheek before smiling at him, bidding him goodnight as you walk into your house with no other words to say

I think it’s safe to say that you’re dating now (that and the call you had later that night confirming his suspicions)

so boyfriend hcs :D (finally... after all this buildup...)

he loves to tease you, even more now that you’re in a relationship but at the same time, he makes it soft teasing (but it’s still teasing)

regardless of your height, he’ll be placing kisses on your forehead while planting more across your shoulders and even at the nape of your neck

he moves around a lot, always fidgeting with something in his hands aka your hand or bouncing his leg and sometimes his knee ends up hitting the table from under and you both have to panic as the food threatens to slide off it’s a real joy /s

he’s good for cuddling as a way to comfort you. he doesn’t have a whole script written out for inspiring you to not give up on your dreams or whatever it is that you’re sad over but he will give wordless and undying support

that is to say, whenever he comes over to your house after playing a long football match or doing extra conditioning, he nearly collapses onto you and can barely keep consciousness when he’s trying to clean himself up so you can nap together

on that note, it’s not as common but he loves it when you take naps together because that means waking up together and there’s nothing that brings him more joy than to see you first thing

as I mentioned, he can cook and he often likes to do so when you’re sleeping over or just hanging out, he loves feeding you and watching you praise him for his cooking

lastly, he loves going on adventures with you, especially at night

no matter what time it is, even if it’s nearing dawn, he’ll be up and drive you out wherever you want to go (one time, you went out of the city and took a spontaneous weekend trip around the countryside)

though to be honest, no matter where you are, he doesn’t care as long as you’re together

#tea stained letters 🍵#bllk x reader #oliver aiku x reader #itoshi sae x reader #shidou ryusei x reader #blue lock x reader #aiku x reader #aiku oliver x reader #itoshi x reader #sae itoshi x reader #sae x reader #ryusei shidou x reader #ryuusei shidou x reader #shidou ryuusei x reader

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mycrofts-gunbrella · 3 years

Text

Caring is the Greatest Advantage- Part Nine (Mycroft Holmes x Reader) SMUT

I am SO sorry for such a big delay between chapters! I’ve just had terrible writer’s block and my mental health has been.. challenging, to say the least! But here’s chapter nine! Sorry if Myc is a little out of character, I didn’t really know how else to write it! This is a shorter chapter but the next few should be longer! And expect some more emotional chapters coming up for when Mycroft finally talks to his parents about Eurus!

Word Count- 3766

Mycroft wasn't entirely sure how long after you had fallen asleep that he had followed suit. He hadn't been planning on falling asleep at all, really; he was rather content simply laying there and thinking over in his mind how he had ended up in this position at all. It was a strange feeling still, feeling the weight of you in his arms, the feeling of your hands bunching in his jumper as though he were your lifeline, the light feeling of your breath skimming the skin of his neck. Strange, and yet welcoming. He was beginning to question why he had never tried harder in seeking this kind of thing out before, but he knew the thought was futile. He wasn't entirely sure he'd have ever wanted to be in this position with anybody else, as cheesy and cliché as he had sounded. He had a reputation to upkeep, an entire persona behind his Iceman nickname, and yet he felt entirely at ease, thawed, if you will, with you.

He had opened his eyes to find his head resting slightly atop yours, facing towards the television that had long since surpassed standby mode and instead remained a dark black. Mycroft couldn't help but focus on the reflection that he could see in its screen, the image of the pair of you laying embraced on the sofa, his hand resting so casually at your back that it could be mistaken for a position that had been practiced for years rather than only a few days. It was nice, he had decided. Nice that things had ended up this way, even if it had taken so many years to get this far. In both his mind and your own, it had honestly felt as though you had been together for far longer; as though it was some unspoken decision between the pair of you that neither of you would take the step to start the relationship, and yet made yourself unavailable for anybody else, cancelled plans to be with the other, enjoyed more meals together than apart. Though of course this was far easier on Mycroft's end, not exactly having many other social dependencies, and a lack of opportunities for such things with other people. Still, he had remained inwardly thankful that you had adhered to the same ideas.

In his own way, he was glad that it had taken as long as it did. It allowed for him to truly know you, far more than any information on a file could give. It let him introduce himself to you properly, allowed for you to truly get to know him, for him to feel comfortable enough around you to lower his walls and drop his public, heartless politician façade. Not that he had much choice in the latter part. You knew from day dot that it was, as you delightfully put, "a load of old bollocks." Though you never once taunted him for it, not really, at least not in a bad way. You just enjoyed teasing from time to time. Mycroft Holmes had always been the kind of man to laugh at the idea of things as trivial as fate, the whole 'being at the right place at the right time', or even luck, always claiming that every event was purely cause and effect. And yet, he found his ever so brilliant mind allowing himself to, for once, divulge into the prospects of it, liking the idea that perhaps the Universe wasn't always so cruel. And with this rarely optimistic thought in mind, Mycroft once again found his arm tightening slightly around you and allowed his eyes to close- not to sleep, but to take up the rare opportunity in his usually hectic life to just relax.

---

Only 15 or so minutes had passed since Mycroft had woken up before you began to stir slightly, the hand that was fisted into his jumper moved and instead wound beneath his arm, holding at his shoulder blade and pulling yourself impossibly closer to him, your leg twisting slightly and angling your hip to brush against Mycroft's crotch with just enough pressure to make him gasp. Mycroft had blinked slowly, trying to register the sensation while simultaneously trying to ignore it. He had felt his body stiffen, which had clearly been unwelcome to your sleeping form. You had turned once again, other hand circling his neck and tugging closer, pressing against him once more and humming at the warmth. Mycroft coughed rather loudly, face burning, eyes wide, utterly mortified and, quite frankly, half hard.

He was truly embarrassed, his body reacting in such a juvenile way from the slightest of touch. He cursed himself for his lack of control and placed his atheism aside to pray to God that it would just go away. It's not that Mycroft had never paid that part of his body any attention- he was human after all- but with his usually busy work schedule, and then the Eurus mishap, and of course having you in his home, he hadn't allowed himself to.. indulge.. so to speak. So clearly the smallest hint of friction was enough to turn him into a teenager again. He had also noticed that in your movements the hem of your shirt had lifted just enough that Mycroft's hand was now resting against bare skin and he swallowed thickly.

Mycroft had, of course, contemplated the idea of sex- in any form- in his past. It was in college that he had noticed his peers coming into school with hickeys on their necks, conversed between each other of their sexual encounters, parading body counts, and in University where he had found himself accidentally walking in on far too many students going at it in various cupboards and empty classrooms. He had taken a brief interest but soon let it die down when he had never found anybody interested in him, nor anybody he was interested in. Of course with his occupation and links there had always been the option to fulfil such desires with the security of utmost privacy, but Mycroft had never been keen on the idea of paying for sex. So that, of course, left him in the position of being completely sexually inexperienced, which had never bothered him or caused him any embarrassment until this very moment.

When allowing himself to enter the relationship with you, Mycroft of course suspected that sex would be on the cards at some point, but he had hoped it wouldn't be the result of basic instinct like this. Previously, the idea of being that intimate with you had been an exciting prospect, but now all that was left was embarrassment of his history, and insecurity of his body.

"God, how long have we been out? I feel incredible." You muttered against his skin, not making any effort to move away from the cocoon of warmth that Mycroft was providing. You hummed appreciatively at the feeling of the elder Holmes' hand on your back and the heartbeat that you felt under the fingers on his chest. Only the heartbeat was significantly increased since before you had fallen asleep. "Myc? You okay?" Now you did move, angling your neck to look at the flushed features of the man you were lying next to. Mycroft coughed and nodded weakly, making any slight attempt to angle his pelvis away from you. "If you're sure..? Was I being too clingy? Honestly, you can tell me and I'll stop hanging on you like a baby monkey." You heard a quiet 'no' and smiled. "Okay good, because I REALLY like the cuddling." You shuffled in a little closer and continued. "And, please don't shove me off, I think you like it too because you didn't let me fall and yo- Oh!" Your fidgeting had allowed your thigh to once again rub against Mycroft's erection and he hissed slightly.

"Y/N I can only offer my utmost apologies for reacting in such a callow manner." He stuttered out, making every attempt to wriggle his way from your grip with the idea of making a beeline for the door.

"You don't need to apologise, Mycroft. If anything, I should apologise for uh.. friction? Or perhaps Da Vinci should apologise for discovering friction in the first place?" You breathed a small laugh but Mycroft only remained stiff and uncomfortable. You manoeuvred yourself until you'd both sat up, you sideways slightly with your legs resting across Mycroft's lap and covering him. "Sorry, I tried to make a sciency joke to make you laugh. It was just my way of saying that you're okay and that you shouldn't be embarrassed. If anything, I'm flattered." You laughed slightly again and Mycroft's shoulders slightly relaxed. "Christ, I could, that's if you want to and please do not feel pressured, I could.. help. If you wanted to?" His eyes widened dramatically, brows raising to his hairline while his jaw comically opened slightly in shock.

"I don't.. that is.. you don't have..I-" In a rare moment of time, Mycroft found himself lost for words and an appropriate reaction.

"Don't worry, just forget about it. We don't have to do anything like that until you're ready.. If you're ever ready, that is.. If you don't.. do that.. kinda stuff, that's fine too." And now you were propositioning that you were willing to forego any kind of sexual activity should Mycroft never want it? Why? You answered his unspoken question with a chuckle. "I mean, I've gone 5 years without it, what's the rest of our lives?" Mycroft closed his eyes and took a breath.

"No. It's not that I don't.. want to.. I just.. I, well.. I'm a very busy man and I always have been so.."

"Mycroft, quite frankly I couldn't care less whether you've done anything with a hundred women or none at all. If anything, I find it kinda hot that you haven't. And even more hot if I were the one to change that." He nodded slowly and you smiled back at him. "Is that a yes? Because it doesn't have to be if you don't want it to be. We have all the time in the world."

"Yes."

"Okay. Just promise me you'll tell me if you want to stop." He nodded again. "Promise me, Myc."

"I.. I promise."

--------- sexy times warning ---------

You raised your hand slowly to brush against his face before leaning in and pressing your lips against his. Mycroft sighed in content as you let your thumb graze his cheekbone. Shifting position, you moved your knees to either side of his thighs, straddling him slightly but with your weight resting above his knees, your other hand circling to hold the back of his neck.

"This okay?"

"Mmm." You let your lips travel along his jawbone, nipping slightly at skin and smirking in triumph at the tiny gasps leaving the politician's mouth. Running your hands from his neck down his chest, tugging slightly at the thick jumper in silent plea. Mycroft raised his arms slightly, giving you the access to lift it and chuck it at the side. Wincing, you watched as it knocked the half cup of cold coffee you left on the side, the brown liquid splashing from its porcelain confinements onto the burgundy cotton.

"Please don't tell me that jumper's some four-figured item hand crafted by only the finest of maids in a remote Peruvian town.." Mycroft took his focus back and grimaced.

"Five, and Venezuelan." You stiffened and gulped slightly. "I'm kidding, it's only from M&S." A dazed grin on his face, hands squeezing ever so slightly at your hips. The back of your hand slapped his chest as you relaxed again, breathing out a laugh.

"You are a very cruel man, Mr Holmes." Head lowering to kiss at his neck once more. "You're bloody lucky that you're pretty." His low chuckle was cut off with a deep hum as you bit softly at his collarbone. You dragged your hands down again, fingering at the top buttons on Mycroft's shirt, and not missing how his body became tight. "We don't have to take it off if you don't want to." Relaxed once more. "Can I just undo a few? You'll be more comfortable I reckon without being strangled by a shirt collar." He nodded once. And then again when you double checked. And once more with a small 'yes' when you really wanted to make sure. Taking it slowly, you opened the top three buttons; two to give Mycroft's neck more breathing space, and the other to give your hand enough space to explore the new area of skin- fingers brushing over the top of his chest, auburn chest hair tickling between your digits. You kissed him again, tongue running ever so slightly across his bottom lip; relishing at the small whimper as you pulled away. Myc let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding when your palm dragged down from his chest and to the front of his trousers, applying the slightest bit of pressure as you rubbed slowly. You looked up once more to make sure you weren't taking things too quickly, E/C meeting the tiniest speck of blue that hadn't been hidden from his blown pupils.

"Please?" His voice was barely a whisper, and you were sure you wouldn't have heard it if you hadn't been as close to him as you are now. You tugged at his belt and threw it with the caffeine infused sweatshirt, popping the button of his trousers open and lowering the zip. Mycroft threw his head back against the sofa cushions as you reached in and began to stroke him slowly, your lips latching onto the much better exposed neck. You experimentally gave a twist of your hand each time you reached the head, thumb brushing over the pre-cum that had formed at the tip and using it to slick up your hand- the elder Holmes let out a low moan from his throat, fingers digging into your hips so tightly that you wouldn't be surprised if they left small bruises. Not that you minded, anyway. Hearing Mycroft make those noises under your touch was exhilarating, and knowing you were the first to do such a thing only spurred the excitement on more. You could feel his thighs tighten beneath you, his breathing become slightly more ragged. You hadn't expected him to have lasted long, and you began to recognise the warning signs. Removing your hand completely, you couldn't help but send Mycroft an apologetic smile at the look of disappointment in his face.

"Look, I've already ruined a jumper and I'll be damned if I'm the cause of ruining your trousers too- which are certainly not from Marks and Sparks." You shimmied yourself back until you could feel the plush rug beneath your feet, dropping yourself until you were on your knees between his open legs. You could see in his eyes how he wanted to protest, or make some explanation on how it's unsanitary, but Mycroft's sheer need fed by his curiosity won over and he closed his eyes in waiting, regaining slight control over his breath before choking on it as you slowly ran your tongue from the base of his shaft to the head. "Unless you want me to stop?"

"Good God, no." His voice raised, making you grin as you took him into your mouth completely, head bobbing in a steady rhythm with your hand that pumped what you couldn't reach. Mycroft was certainly larger than any man you had been with before; his long slender cock suiting his form perfectly. You hummed as you imagined later sexual encounters with him- him filling you completely at last- and he writhed as the vibrations ran straight through him. Without a warning, you removed your hand and took him into your mouth completely, sucking and licking against the long vein that ran on the underside of his erection. Myc's hands instinctively shot to your hair as he felt the warmth build in his stomach, quickly cumming with a shout as you hummed around him once more. You pulled off him slowly with an audible 'pop', trying not to overstimulate while he was still sensitive, and tucked him back into his trousers. He tried to balance his breathing, removing his hands from your hair and running them through his own. Standing back up, you glanced over his form- his hair absolutely wild, shirt unbuttoned sligthly, red hairs poking between the fabric from a heaving chest, mouth still slightly open as he breathed, cheeks flushed immensely. God he looked gorgeous.

"Was that.. uh. Good?" You inwardly cringed at your words. Christ woman, you just blew him, not given him a cake. Uncharacteristically for Mycroft, his pale hand reached over to cup your cheek, bringing your lips to his in a sweet kiss; his tongue experimentally running across your bottom lip before pulling away. "Right, okay. That answered my question on where you stand on kissing after. With you sat there looking all messed up and sexy I was about ready to run and brush my teeth to kiss you again."

"Apologies.. I found myself.. curious."

"You bloody pervert." You winked, leaning to kiss him again. "So you'll kiss me after.. after.." You tried to think of a word that wouldn't sound overly vulgar to the man who had swallowed several dictionaries in several different languages.

"Fellatio?"

"Christ on a bike, Mycroft if you call it that I'll never do it again." The pair of you laughed like a pair of idiots for a moment before you continued on. "Anyway.. You'll kiss me after I do that and deem it 'curiosity', but I dip my chip in a milkshake and that's considered 'improper'? I'm starting to think you make up these rules to best suit you."

"Well, one should indulge in the odd act of impropriety sometimes, else I fear we'd go insane."

"So you WILL dip a chip in the milkshake next time?"

"Oh God, no. I'd rather snack on one of Sherlock's experiments." You both laughed again before silence took over, Mycroft's brain whirring as he tried to both comprehend what had happened, and work out the appropriate way to go on.

"You know, there isn't any written etiquette on how to behave after your partner blows you on the sofa." A raised eyebrow in response. "I am not calling it fellatio.." You reached over and grabbed the tv remote, flicking it back on.

"And you said you couldn't read minds.." As the screen began to power on, you heard a small chuckle from beside you.

"What?"

"No it's nothing. Just ignore me." He bit down onto two fingers slightly to compose himself; the composure being short-lived as he started off again. You tilted your head at him, urging him to speak about what had suddenly crossed his mind.

"Sorry I was just thinking about this morning."

"Bernice? Bit of a weird thing for your mind to flitter to right now, isn't it? Maybe I should be concerned you'll sack me off for her; one bit of action and you're planning to wed the nympho." You teased, loading britbox back up with the intention of continuing your filmathon- a word you used and Myc hated.. so you used it more.

"Before that. What you said this morning, after I heard you wince and ask-"

"Head.. And I said 'who knows what the day will bring'." You snickered into your hand and slouched back, resting slightly aside Mycroft's shoulder. "Speaking of that.. I do hope you're aware that I don't typically do that after only dating somebody for little less than a week."

"Usually wait two, do you?" You slapped his arm.

"Cheeky prick, I'm being serious! I don't want to make it all mushy and awkward so I'll say it, you don't respond and then we'll start up Carry On Camping. Deal?" He nodded his head slightly, bowing it towards you in gesture to continue. "Doing.. that.. and you letting me, it meant a lot. Which probably sounds weird for what it was but, and don't let this over stroke your ego, I don't feel like we've only been together a week. It just feels like we've been together for years with a random rule of celibacy that an innocent nap on the sofa broke. So.. there. I dunno.. I'm just.. proud of you? For taking that step with me.. and I'm massively looking forward to a few steps time when I can get your kit off." You coughed the last sentence with a laugh. True to his agreement, Mycroft didn't say a word. You played the next film and grinned when you felt a long arm wrap behind your back, tugging you to his form gently before warm lips pressed against your temple.

From an outside perspective, your little speech would likely seem a tad bizarre but you knew it probably meant a lot to Mycroft- the kiss on your head solidifying that fact. So you were more than willing to spurt a few awkward sentences for the sake of his reassurance; pleased that it was received well and not like some 'well done for trying' certificate you'd get in primary school for coming 6th in the sack race.

"Ooh this one has Babs in it, doesn't it? God I loved Barbara Windsor."

"Mmm. I met Dame Barbara once, a fair few years ago now. She truly was wonderful." Mycroft praised.

"Of course you met her, her last name's Windsor. You'd do anything to get to anything related to The Queen."

"Dame Barbara's surname was actually Deeks. She changed it to Windsor, inspired by Her Majesty, in 1954 following her role in 'The Belles of St Trinian's."

"Mycroft, sweetheart, I was joking. You told me you'd met her when she was given her title. I was a Barbara fangirl, I know." You twisted and pecked him on the cheek, not even noticing the petname that certainly didn't fall on deaf ears from Myc. The side of his mouth flicked up in a small smile; his hand squeezing slightly on your hip before he leaned over and spoke quietly.

"Thank you."

"What fo-"

"Shhh, film's starting." And with that, the pair of you settled into a comfortable silence, being broken only every now and then with your laughter as you watched the telly. Mycroft's smiles and light hearted reactions came from watching you much more than the film, but he didn't think you noticed. Or if you did, you didn't say a word.

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@lola4pedro

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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 4 years

Text

Life After Snowpiercer: Just Get Back Home

Summary- 5.9k Curtis Everett x You. The group departs to collect Matt and the others that didnt join the tail end survivors. You are having a hard time letting them leave, but this time you don’t protest. Yona has a warning for Curtis.

Warnings- Violence.

A/N- we are getting to the end of this particular story for Curtis and Y/N. Its a shorter chapter, as I have been kind of distracted, so some of the writing is probably scattered sounding. But i’m not messing around with it anymore.

Chapter 13 / Masterlist

It was quiet outside. Almost too quiet, sometimes it made Curtis feel anxious not hearing Snowpiercer anymore. 17 years of it, he had grown accustomed to some things. But in the time since the crash, he's learned to adapt. He’s watched the group go from starving hopeless individuals to functioning members to a community, seen the possibility to an actual life, maybe one day seeing you with a son or daughter peeking around your leg to run to him. A man can dream right, he thought to himself as his head tilted back to look up at the night sky. The dazzling of stars was unlike anything he had seen before. Even when he was free, running around Boston growing up. The city lights always dimmed them till you could only see them with a telescope. Something he did get to do when he went to the science museum. The long ago thoughts of his childhood happened to make him smile a bit, forgetting what he was going to have to do.

That thought came back though, having to hunt down Matt and the other rogues that still believed in Wilford. They couldn't stop this time, turn back and return. It was time to end this once and for all, which Curtis planned on doing. He would bring back the survivors if there were any and let the victims make a choice. It was the least he could do for letting them get past him to the tail end. Tiredness settled on his shoulders, honestly Curtis wanted this to be over. All he wanted was to live a simple life, a life where he worked hard during the day and let him love you rest of the night.

He knew he should be in bed, not sitting on the roof of the train in the snow. You were just below him, curled up in the bed, probably clutching a pillow to your chest like you did when left to sleep alone. The trek was going to take all his energy as well as the others coming with him. At this moment everyone is safe, it's been a mantra in his mind since he returned earlier. But still his mind won't let him rest, wont settle down enough to let him rest for tomorrow.

A crunch in the snow made him look over his shoulder to see you climbing off the ladder, pulling one of the coats they found while sorting the carrs around you tighter like it could keep out the penetrating freeze. “I would have been down in a few Babygirl.” Curtis said as you lowered next to him, letting your legs dangle over the edge of the train. His arm went around your to pull you into his side, and you smiled up at him.

“Maybe I wanted to see the stars as well Handsome.” Your head went to lay on his shoulder and he relaxed, feeling you against him. The warmth of your thigh pressing alongside his seeped into him, and your hands clasped in your lap, you looking up at the same stars.

“Hard to believe I used to look at these stars at my aunties house. I never thought I would see them again.” Curtis watched your lips curl up in a smile, the small moment of your happiness pushing back those thoughts plaguing him.

“They are something amazing Babygirl. We didn't have stars in Boston. Nothing like this.” He turned his gaze back to what you were looking at and your hand stretched to his thigh, your palm up. Curtis let his hand slide into yours and your fingers grasped through his. He could feel you were worried as well, but remaining quiet about it.

“I don’t know why, but that makes me sad Curtis. A childhood without them? How did you make any wishes…” You drifted off and he chuckled softly, kissing your temple to ease you, touched that you had even thought of that.

“Then we will change that right now Babygirl.” He tightened his arm around your waist and pulled you onto his lap, wrapping his arms around you and letting you lean back against his chest. His chin rested on your shoulder, while gazing up. “You make a wish on half of them, I will do the other. That many stars at once, they are bound to come true Babygirl.

You let your hands rest over his that were folded over your midsection and closed your eyes to think of a wish, Curtis hummed Ooh Laa softly in your ear when you made it, tilting your head a bit. “Finished Curtis.”

“Alright, my turn… I wish-” You shook your head and reached over your shoulder to press your hand to his mouth.

“You’re not allowed to say it out loud Curtis. Those are against the rules.” You teased and he pulled his head away from your mouth.

“New world Babygirl, I’m making new rules.” He kissed your fingertips and tilted to kiss your neck deeply. Looking back up, he took a deep inhale, which you felt his chest press into your back before his warm breath washed over your neck. “I wish that after this, we will have the life we have talked about for years. That is all I want in my life.”

Your hold on his hand tightened hearing him, and smiled to yourself because how close it was to yours. Almost exactly the same, you had wished for him to return to you safe so that you two could have the rest of your lives in peace. Tilting your head to look over your shoulder at him, you pressed a kiss to his lips, and letting the tip of your nose slide along the side of his.

“The dream Handsome.” you said and he nodded softly, pressing cold lips back to yours, soft puffs of warm air escaping you both.

“Come on Babygirl, let's go back to bed.” Curtis could see the bit of frost in your eyelashes and the ruddiness in your cheeks. You nodded and shifted back off, moving to a stand. He followed after you and together went back to the warmth of your shared room. Undressing again that night, first you crawled into the bed, and Curtis followed, wrapping you into his arms and tucking his face in your hair to help him relax, finally drifting off after he felt you sink into him, completely relaxed and trusting in his hold.

The next morning was a bit hectic, You were with Yona trying to find enough gear for the people tracking the hostiles. Curtis was with John in the car designated for weapons, trying to figure out how much ammo might be needed, not wanting to leave those they left behind unarmed. There was only so much they were able to locate, and were sure that they all had collected as much as they could from the cars in the back. Granted they wouldn’t have found a lot, but Curtis wasn’t ready to be surprised by an attack from them.

“You and Johanna take the assault rifles.” Curtis insisted while John reached to pick up a long looking gun, wicked and lethal, plus plenty of ammo for the both of them. Curtis for himself took a submachine weapon, shorter, but lethal all the same. Dispersing a few more, the main weapon of choice was the lethal ax’s that were collected. Black handled with steel blades that had only met flesh a few times, the sharpness had yet to dull. Curtis’s hefted one, feeling the familiar weight from the days of the revolution. Memories of how it felt plunging it into soft flesh and the jerking motion of the person struggling, he closed his eyes willing it away. He didn't want to be a killer, but here he was made into a killer.

“I think that's everything Curtis. Y/N, Yona and Tam are in the kitchen packing us rations, and were already outfitted.” John said as he fitted the rifle with a strap and let it rest over his shoulder.

“Go on outside and get everyone ready, I just have one last stop to make.” Curtis instructed and the two men split. John went for the exit outside and Curtis headed for the kitchen. When he stepped in the brightly lit car that smelled extremely good as always. He saw Yona and You packing up a couple of sacks with dried food. Curtis came up behind you, his arms wrapping around your waist while looking over your shoulder. “Just about done Y/N?” he asked, Yona tying off one bag and you sorting through yours before zipping it up.

“Yea, this should be good for four or five days, I think. Fuck I don’t know, I’m just guessing at all this.” your hands visibly shook a bit and Curtis covered them with his for a moment, letting his thumb brush over your knuckles, whispering in your ear.

“Breathe baby.” Which you did, took a dragging breath. Yona and Tam both picked up another bag and lifted it up, grunting.

“This has more of your basic stuff you might need. But it's heavy.” Yona said, and Curtis reached over, fisting his hand in the top and lifted.

“I can manage it, thanks Ladies. Uh, you mind giving me a moment here with Y/N?”

The women nodded and retreated out of the kitchen, leaving just the two of you alone. Curtis turned his attention to you, and eased you to face him.

“Talk to me Babygirl.” He encouraged, lifting a hand to brush along your cheek and into your hair.

You took a shuddering breath, and shook your head. “It's nothing, nerves. Fuck, I’m scared Curtis, and I really don’t want you to go again. But I know you have to, this has to end once and for all. We cant live with the idea we might be attacked any moment.” All that assurances you felt the night before, now it seemed to have dissipated, your fears brimming at the surface.

Fuck this was worst then before when he had to make you stay, this time you were letting him go, scared as you were. His lips thinned a bit to hold back his own sadness a moment. This was the last time, he swore it.

His hands lifted to cup your face and he dropped his forehead to yours. “Babygirl, I will be back and this will be done. I'm coming home to you. Do you understand me? It's not going to be like last time. This time we are equipped. You trust me right?”

“Of course I do Curtis, but none of us know what's out there. I just… Just come home in one piece. That’s a demand.” You said, twisting your fingers into his jacket and then slipping inside, pressing your palms against his chest while looking up at him. You could feel him under his sweaters, the rise and fall of his chest, the faint thump of his heart.

He dropped his lips to cover yours and your hands fisted in his sweater as you opened to him, pulling yourself in closer because it was going to be some time before you had him back, and you needed to make sure these moments were committed to memory. When it ended, his forehead leaned against yours and he lifted to kiss your forehead. “I will Babygirl.”

Curtis shouldered the bag that was packed, and you both left the train to meet up with the rest of the group waiting just outside of the train's entrance. Others were saying their final goodbyes, and while you watched the others, it really hit you how close everyone has become during this time. Your gaze fell on Edgar, who was hugging Yona quickly before letting go, nodding at whatever she was whispering in his ear and embracing him one last time before splitting away to the others.

“I will be right back Curtis.” You say softly and split from his side to approach Edgar who was working on pulling on a pair of mismatched gloves and retying his bag. “Edgar…” You said and he looked up at you for a second before straightening to be level with you. “I just wanted to tell you to be safe out there.”

You can see his throat bob as he swallows, his eyes darting from you to Curtis who was discussing something, his own gaze once in a while seeking where you were before going back to whom he was talking to. “I plan on it Y/N.” he said when his eyes dropped back to your face and you shuffled a bit, still unsure of what he would tolerate from you. You knew Edgar still felt betrayed from the past few days.

“Please, because I don't know what I would do without you.” You admitted. “Regardless of what's happened in the past, it doesn't change that your like a brother to me, and I don't want to lose another.” Your voice broke and that's when Edgar relented, folding you into his arms.

“Enough of that. I gotta do this. It was my fault he escaped to begin with.” He started and you squeezed him back in a hug before pulling back.

“I don't care how or who is the reason he escaped. Just watch out for each other. Okay? That's all I ask, remember that you and Curtis were once brothers.” You pleaded with him. “For me, please.”

You could see the conflict cross his face, and then resolve, giving you a nod, assuring you that he would. One last embrace and you left Edgar in peace to finish prepping, going back to Curtis’s side.

His head dropped, pressing his lips to your temple. “Is everything good Babygirl?” He asked concerned but you pressed into him.

“Yes, just telling him to make sure he comes home as well.” You respond and Curtis rubs his hand along your back glancing at Edgar. He hated the rift between them, but wanted to respect Edgar and not force himself in his presence.

Yona and Tam approached, dragging Curtis from his inner thoughts as the two women paused before the two of you. They both gave Curtis a hug and their well wishes, you tagged along behind him, smiling reassuringly at those that seemed nervous for the parting group. Timmy broke away from the kids and tugged on Curtis’s jacket, which he squatted down to be face to face with the boy.

“Do you have to go Curtis?” He rubbed at his cheek, and Curtis gave a nod.

“Yes Timmy, I'm afraid so. Matt wont be able to hurt us anymore.”

Timmy was quiet, picking at his coat for a few seconds. “He was a bad man, he hurt me. And you, Yona when the train crashed.”

Curtis nodded, a bit surprised Timmy remembered any of it really, since he was so out of it back then, hardly recognizing any of them when he was pulled out of the train's engine. “Yea he did, he hurt a lot of people, but he wont anymore. I won't let that happen, okay? That's why we are leaving today. But we will be back soon. Come on…” Curtis held out an arm to him, and Timmy pulled in close, hugging around Curtis’s neck and pressing his little body against him in a hug. Your hand dropped to Timmy's back when Curtis stood up, he slid the boy from his hold into your’s which he easily switched to clinging to you, your arm embracing underneath him, and rubbing his back.

“It will be okay Kiddo.” You whisper to him and readjust him to your hip, both of you looking up at Curtis. “Stay safe, come home to us soon.” You said to him, which he nodded. You could see the way he swallowed he was trying to control himself, and you gave a reassuring smile for the both of you.

Of course you would try to make it better. Curtis thought to himself when he saw your face set with a soft smile, and your eyes blink any tears away rapidly. Timmy had his head laid on your shoulder, and how badly Curtis wanted to stay. How much he just wanted this to be over, have this moment daily without the tension. Cupping your face, he kissed you gently, pouring himself into it. Both your eyes closed as your free hand went to cup his face back, and foreheads pressed together for a few seconds before he made himself pull away.

“I love you Curtis.”

“I love you to Babygirl.” He said and turned to Timmy. “Take care of the fort while I’m gone, Okay?” He held up his fist which Timmy nodded and fist bumped him back.

“Sure thing Curtis. I got it.” The little boy's chest swelled with the new responsibility, and Curtis winked at him.

“Why I’m leaving you in charge. See you in a couple days.” Curtis had to force himself to walk away from them, and as he started going the trail they had traveled the day before, the others who joined the group dispersed from the group and followed along behind them. Suddenly a yell admitted from the crowd, and Curtis paused to look over his shoulder to see Yona trudging through the snow to reach him.

“Just get who you need to, then come straight back. Don't go exploring.” Yona’s eyes were wide, and Curtis could see fear in them. He jerked his head forward to lead her away and turned to talk to her quietly, out of earshot of the others.

“What do you mean Yona?” he asked, eyes searching hers for something she knew. Curtis knew she had a talent that not many knew. She had helped him get to Wilford, as well as find You after the train crashed.

Yona shook her head. “Nothing more than a feeling Curtis. But it's bad. Whatever is waiting for you guys there is beyond Matt and the rest. But I can't see it. Whatever it is… they want Matt gone to. Just take him and go. Or else it won't end well.” Yona said in all seriousness and Curtis rubbed at his mouth, baring his teeth in thought.

“Get them and get out?” He asked to reaffirm, and Yona nodded. “Then that's all we will do. We won't have a chance to scavenge for anything anyways once we gather up whoever's left.”

Once satisfied that Curtis understood the warning, she parted back to the train, and Curtis continued on. It was slow going to get back to the car the group had departed from. John was at Curtis’s side, inspecting the remaining footprints and nodded.

“They are scattered all over, but a group definitely headed that way. That's where we should go.” Curtis dug out the map they had collected from Wilford's car, and stretched it along his thigh, the two men checking where they would be headed. John's finger slid along the map, trying to calculate it.

“Five miles, estimating where we are. Here's the cliff half the train went over, and the amount of cars left up top. I'm sure they have explored a bit further than we have since there wouldn't have been much food back here. This is our best bet.” John reasoned, and Curtis had to agree. They really should have explored more but with cleaning up and setting the train into a livable place, there just wasn't the time.

“Alright, we can probably get halfway there before it gets to be nightfall. If we are not exhausted, we can keep going. But I'm suspecting we will be setting up some kind of camp just outside of their range.” Folding the map, he stuck it back in the sack he had set down, and re-shouldered it. The remaining people started to re-shoulder their own bags, and grab their weapons they brought. Squinting out over the white landscape, this time John took the lead, following the tracks left behind.

You watched with Timmy the small group disappear over a snowy mound, and turned your attention to Yona who was slowly making her way back to the train. You set Timmy down off your hip. “How about you go inside and warm up? I will be giving you guys some lessons today.” Which the little boy nodded rather excited now, and sped inside to let the others know you would be doing a class with them. You turned your attention back to Yona, worrying your lip. “Is everything okay?” Your other fear besides Curtis coming across issues was something very physical happening between him and Edward.

Yona gave a nod, wrapping an arm around your waist in a friendly way while you two went inside. “It will be all good, nothing will happen between Curtis and Edgar.” You couldn't hold back the breath of relief that escaped you in that sense. You felt there was more, as Yona went silent and you stopped her as you two were heading towards the kids area.

“Is there more? What are you not telling me Yona?” You whispered a bit harshly, not wanting to alarm any of the others, but you couldn't help the fear that gripped your heart in that moment. Yona shrugged from your hold and shook her head.

“No, Curtis will be back soon. Come on, you promised a lesson today. They are waiting.” She pulled away, shedding some of her clothes to toss into her nearby room before you could stop her again. Unease settled like a rock in your stomach, churning at your nerves. Curtis promised he would come home. That is what you would hang onto.

The later it got, the more anxious you became. Finally you ended the lesson, and went into the kitchen to help Tam with the rest of the cooking to keep yourself distracted.

“You are awful quiet child.” She observed as you started plating food for people coming in. Once it was just the two of you, you shrugged a bit and sighed.

“Worried, fuck I cant get it out of my mind what could happen.” Going over to pluck a tin cup off a shelf and dip it into a giant container of fresh water to sip at. It just made your stomach clench, a wave of nausea sweeping over you.

“I know, I'm worried too Y/N. We all are Child.” She said while she went to make another plate of food and handed it to you. “Go eat because you are no good to any of us if your passing out and I know this is the first thing you have had today. All we can do is trust and pray.” You wrinkled your nose, you had given up praying years ago.

Once you settled down next to Yona and started picking at the food before you, Yona watched you push it around in the bowel. You finally gave up, your stomach having tied itself in knots to be able to eat, and she moved over closer, peeking in your bowel.

“You barely ate anything.” She said with an arched brow. You hugged around your knees in a way of protection.

“Just not hungry, I'm too worried, and what if it all goes wrong Yona? Maybe I should have said something more. I mean what can they possibly find out there? Fuck I just feel helpless. I think this is worst then when they did the rebellion. This time I just let him do off without trying to go with him.” You voiced your fears, and her gaze softened a bit.

“What could you do Y/N? He would be too worried about you and needs to focus. Curtis would want you to take care of yourself.” she encouraged and you reached in your bowel and picked up a piece of beef Tam had cooked that night, popping it in your mouth. But it felt huge, a ball rolling around your mouth as you made the attempt to chew and swallow. “They will be okay, I know these things. When they come back, they will have whoever is left and we will be rid of those threats.”

You swallowed hearing this, the meat now a lead ball in your stomach. “And afterwards?” you asked, almost hopeful, in which Yona shrugged.

“I have feelings, but I can’t read the future Y/N. To unpredictable. We will always be dealing with some hardships.”

You knew she was right, but that part that was desperate for anything good would have taken a lie just then. “I'm going to bed, I'm exhausted.” Was the next words to fall from you as you pushed your way to a stand. Taking care of your dish, you made your way back through the train. Making a quick check on the kids, you bid them all goodnight before going to your room. It seemed so much bigger all alone when you stepped in, flicking on the lights and started to shed off clothing, folding it as you set your outer winter gear to place on the end of the bed. Moving to sit on the edge of the bed, you glanced at the window, searching the darkened landscape wondering where the group was now. When you narrowed your eyes and squinted, you swore you could just barely see something orange in the distance. Pressing your fingers to your lips to place a kiss there, you reached to touch the glass, the cold from it making you shiver.

You gotta trust Yona Babygirl. You had to smile to yourself hearing that familiar voice, and your head dropped to let it wash over you.

I do… my mind is just running away from me Curtis. Maybe a bit of guilt in not going with you? Fuck if I know, its just different this time. You push to stand and turn the light off. Pulling down the blankets and fold your arms around his pillow to press your face into it, trying to find some rest.

You swore in your mind you felt a dip in the bed, and your hand pressed against your stomach where his would normally, letting your imagination continue.

Just think Babygirl, after this we can think about a future, our future.

You think we really have one?

Of course I do, we wouldn’t have fought so hard if we didn’t have a future worth living in.

And what do you picture for our future Curtis? You wriggled further into the bedding, letting the heat start to make your eyes close, and you could hear Curtis last words in your mind reminding you.

Everything we ever talked about in the tail end Babygirl, all those things we only said in whispers. Home, a family.

The group was quick to arrive at the city. The ice covered buildings loomed up suddenly in the landscape out of nowhere and they milled just outside of it, not wanting to give away that they were there. John, Curtis and Edgar approached closer, using a snowbank to hide behind while they used the scopes on the rifles to scan for any sign of movement. It wasn't long till they saw a lone figure come from around a building and slip inside. “There… the old grocery store. Probably the most food they have had in a month.” John said as he slipped back down between the two men and Curtis clenched his jaw, debating on when to surprise them. Curtis turned to look at Edgar. “Think now or in the morning?”

Edgar took a moment to register what Curtis was asking him, surprised but he stifled his previous anger and contemplated seriously. “Tonight, it will be easier to approach the building in the dark. Give everyone a rest. Then… go in.”

John stayed silent while Curtis nodded in agreement to the man he always considered brother, regardless of all that had happened between them. “We’re made from the dark.” he glanced at the group squatting together yards away, most of them tailenders. People used to living in the cold and darkness, who knew what it took to survive. Pushing up to a stand, he held his hand out to Edgar.

Edgar seemed hesitant to grasp it, eyes darting from Curtis’s outstretched hand and up to his face. Curtis knew Edgar still was angry at him, perhaps even hated him. But when the younger man clasped his hand and let him help him up. It gave him some hope in repairing their lost connection. “Listen Curtis…” Edgar started as John removed himself, heading back to the rest. Edgar looked down at the snow, taking a shuddering breath, his hands clenching at his sides. “I don't know if I can ever forgive you for my mom, not really. I’ve fucking tried, Y/N even explained what was going on.”

Curtis nodded, fully understanding how Edgar was feeling. “I don’t expect you to Edgar, I can’t forgive myself for what happened, I can’t expect the same from you.”

“Just shut up Curtis.” Edgar snapped. “I don’t forgive you, but I probably would have done the same to someone else. So I understand. Maybe in time it will be different. But anyways, let's take care of business alright? I will have your six, like always.” Edgar shrugged and brushed past Curtis, re-approaching the group. Even though they were not fixed, Curtis couldn't help the relief he felt in knowing Edgar would have his back.

They crossed the snowy terrain almost in silence. Most of their gear was left behind and nothing more than the soft crunch of snow under boots gave them away. Curtis approached first, his hand reaching out to ease the door open. Inside was silent, mostly. Towards the back were muffled voices and Johanna eased inside past Curtis to scan the room with the best of her abilities.

With her training, Curtis let her go ahead, following along behind her. The rest of the group spread among the aisles, all of them stalking down in the darkness. A soft glow could be seen from the back, and the closer they approached, the louder the voices got.

“Where did they come from? They couldn't have survived the freeze.”

“Apparently some did. Easy Mate, Jesus don't need to finish ripping my arm off.”

“What are we going to do?”

Curtis hovered near an empty shelf, just out of sight, listening when he heard Matt’s voice, clear as a bell. “Fuck I thought you men were trained to deal with people? No wonder Curtis took over Snowpiercer…” From behind, Curtis felt a tap on his shoulder and he looked over to see Edgar just behind him, mouthing to him. “Are we doing this?”

A nod to Edgar confirmed the attack, and Edgar waved his hand behind him, giving the command to proceed.

Once they stepped out and into sight, those that were around the small fire they kept burning scattered into a groceries backroom, ducking out of sight and yelling to run. Just as predicted they didn't have much for ammunition. A few shots rang out at Curtis’s people, but they proceeded to chase them, a few more shots and then colliding bodies that sent them sprawling into shelves as they attacked one another.

Curtis came out of the darkness like a devil himself, dressed in all black with the snap of his longer coat behind him while dodging around others who were locked in struggles. Edgar had bolted ahead of him, clearly on a mission. It all happened in a split second, but Curtis noticed the flash behind him, the upraised steel rod aiming for Edgar. A flashback of the last time, when Franco’s knife stabbed deep into Edgar's back. This time Curtis did not hesitate, he paused and took aim with the gun he had hanging at his side. Once the broad part of the man's upper back was in his sights, his finger squeezed, steady. It was all over in seconds, the pop sounded among the rest of the chaos and the man lunged forward from the impact, collapsing behind Edgar. He stuttered in confusion, and looked over his shoulder at the body then up to Curtis, giving a nod in thanks then back to scanning the room to find Matt.

Edgar was quick to spot Matt who was trying to hide between aisles, having witnessed Curtis shoot down his companion. Edgar lunged to where Matt disappeared from sight and was able to grasp the back of Matt’s shirt to slam him down onto the cement floor, his boot pressed against his throat and leaning down to hiss at him. “Try running again Matt, I wont lose you a second time.” Matt whimpered and held his hand up in surrender and Curtis’s focus shifted to another who was trying to sneak around the fighting, bolt back out into the store and to freedom.

His strides forward were calm, hiding the rage that had built over time. A rage that simmered from the 17 years of being caged, of how he had to turn into a killer to bring them out of the darkness, how they treated the ones he had left behind, how they used you till you broke for a short period of time. He became more of a predator, hunting his prey, his knuckles turning white around the grip he had on his ax handle. Muscles bunched and burned with effort as he raised the ax and the man flipped around, his eyes wide while he lowered to the ground, sure this was the end. “NO! It wasn’t me, I swear it wasn’t!”

The ax made a downward swing, landing just at his skull, the blade pressing heavily against it, but not splitting into him. Glancing up, he saw Curtis staring him down like he was nothing more then the shit on the bottom of his shoes. Cold blue fire blazed at him while Curtis snarled out. “You are in no position to claim innocence. Your judges lay back at the train, where this all started.” Letting the ax fall broadside to his shoulder, he hooked it behind his neck and dragged him forward. Hooking his hand around his neck, Curtis yanked his captive to his feet and pulled him close, face to face while the man struggled in his hold. “And if Y/N tells me it was you, I will be carving your heart out.” Giving one last disgusted look, Curtis tossed him forward, making him stumble back towards the rest. “Now MOVE!” His gun raised, and a tremor of relief did pour through him.

Once his captive stumbled back and the group stripped those left of anything dangerous, Curtis took count. Only seven were left, out of the mass of men that split in the beginning from the group, only a small amount were left. Matt cowered in the group, but Curtis dragged him out. “Where are the rest of them Matt?”

“What do you think Curtis? Dead, you probably passed them on your way here, buried in the snow.” He spat out, the fight in your brother fading. The others shifted behind him uneasily, but no one rebutted his statement.

“Get moving…” Curtis pushed Matt back to the rest of the men, and the rest gathered the supplies they had brought. Renewed energy rising in them like the sun coming up, a new dawn and another step to finally ending the last of the threat. Edgar pulled up next to Curtis, also watching them start marching back.

“Think this will be the end?” Edgar asked while they both started bringing up the rear, each one dragging an ax and gun at their side in case anyone tried to break away from the group.

“I do… “ Curtis responded, taking in a deep cleansing breath, feeling a heavy weight rise off his shoulders and the sun warm his face.

The group was slow moving, but once they were specs in the distance, a figure moved from another building, and a person moved from out behind a door, lifting a pair of binoculars to there face, counting to themselves quickly and when the glasses lowered, they reached up to readjust a scarf over there face, and duck back inside, securely closing the door behind him.

#curtis everett #life after snowpiercer #curtis everett x you #curtis everett x reader #snowpiercer #curtis everett facfic #snowpiercer fanfic #this has been a labor of love #amber writes #sweater writes

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complcatedfreak · 5 years

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i don’t know

in which peter has a rushed morning and soulmates are real.

A/N: this is going to be a soulmate au series, which will contain both endgame and infinity war spoilers. however, this part is spoiler free.

There were simple rules the world seemed to follow; the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, single cell organisms are the smallest life-forms, the sky is blue, and everyone gets the initials of their soulmate on their right wrist. It’s not something everyone is born with, as they appear when the soulmate is born, nor is it something that stays around for a long time. Some soulmates had a tragic tale, such as an early death that made the handwriting of the other person go away, or never meeting their soulmate and having to settle down with someone who didn’t match the letters on their wrist. The ending everyone dreamed of was getting the line through letters, signifying that they had met the person they were destined to be with.

These were the rules everyone followed.

It was no surprise that Peter also had this marking. He often thought about what the letters stood for, who had the cutesy handwriting, who his soulmate was. Aunt May swore that it was a girl’s writing, as each letter had a cute, little swoop at the end of it, but Peter didn’t want to confine his expectations to a box, then feel disappointed when he met them and they weren’t what he had daydreamed about. He wasn’t sure if he liked boys, but his soulmate was his soulmate, and he knew he’d fall for them, no matter what. Peter didn’t have any set rules or expectations about his soulmate; he was just grateful to still have his soulmate. Not all of the people around him were so lucky. Aunt May was not this lucky, and neither was Ned, Peter’s best friend. After meeting and marrying Uncle Ben, the messy “BFP” disappeared from her wrist the day he died. Ned can’t remember ever having letters, his soulmate probably died not too long after being born.

Y/N is the polar opposite of Peter. She spent days thinking about who would be able to replicate the surprisingly neat “PBP” on her right wrist. She racked her brain day in and day out, trying to conjure up an image of who these letters could belong to, as well as what it stood for. She had recently decided she liked the name “Percy Benson Pratt”, but she had cycled through plenty of others before deciding she liked that one. She also frequently daydreamed about what he could possibly look like. An epic name like ‘Percy’ meant he had to have striking eyes, probably either green or blue. A middle name like ‘Benson’ probably meant he was on the shorter side, and definitely wore glasses (however, these conclusions may have been swayed by Freddie Benson from iCarly). And, a basic last name like ‘Pratt’ didn’t really give her anything, just that there is a small chance he could be a ginger. She wasn’t upset about it, though. She knew she was just daydreaming, and she’d be immensely happy with whatever and whoever her soulmate was. Unless he was a serial killer. Or a bad person.

For Peter, it was any normal day. He woke up on a pile of textbooks, chem worksheets, and notebooks, then he took a minute to figure out where he was. Once he came to the dramatic realization that he was safe and in the comfort of his own bedroom (which took a little too long considering, you know, spidey senses and everything), he looked at the clock. His heart skipped a few beats when he noticed he was meant to leave for school ten minutes ago. He quickly zipped around the room, haphazardly throwing things into his bookbag. The only thing Peter slowed down for was to make sure he had the components to his suit. He frequently panicked about whether or not he had grabbed the mask while sitting in class, which always caused a problem, since only one person knew about Peter’s hobby. But, despite it all, Peter changed into a pair of jeans, threw on a hoodie, then started his normal route to school, with just a little pep in his step.

The morning went just about as smoothly as any other for Y/N. Well, not really. It was slightly hectic as she was still getting used to the new house. She had absolutely no idea where her favorite cereal was, which meant she had to opt for taking her mother’s granola bars to eat on her way out. But soon enough, she was off to her new school. The feeling of her heartbeat was prominent as she walked through the front doors. She headed straight to the counseling office and was surprised when Mrs. Cutler, her counselor, was waiting for her. Y/N was a little early, so it was a pleasant surprise. “Good morning,” Mrs. Cutler greeted, “I’ll give you a quick tour of the classes on your schedule, and the big rooms like the cafeteria and auditorium, and then send you off to first period!” Y/N felt the rush of anxiety as soon as the words left Mrs. Cutler’s smiling mouth. Despite feeling like she was about to be sent into a hungry lion’s den, Y/N powered out a nod, then followed Mrs. Cutler out of the counseling office.

“Mr. Parker, you’re not usually late,” The secretary in the office informed Peter, as if he didn’t know. “I know, I was up late studying for the chem test and slept right through my alarm,” Peter answered, leaving out the part where he snuck out at around 10pm because he wanted to follow the stream of police cars that Spider-man was able to hear. “Since it’s your first time, I’ll let you off with a warning, next time it’s lunch detention.” Peter nodded as she wrote him out a pass. As he walked out of the counseling office and to his locker, he heard Mrs. Cutler’s all too enthusiastic voice. It was easily recognizable, as he had spent a lot of time in her office, discussing colleges. However, Peter couldn’t tell who the girl next to her was. Peter wasn’t known around school, but he did know everyone. He always looked at it as a blessing and a curse, so he just lived with it. But he didn’t think he’d ever seen this girl before. Someone with her sense of style definitely didn’t go to Midtown Highschool, he would’ve noticed it before. Nonetheless, Peter turned the opposite way, making his way to his locker, before heading to first period.

The tour went a lot faster than Y/N thought it would. The school was not as large as it seemed from the outside, which surprised Y/N. Before she knew it, her brand-new locker was being closed, and she started her hike to first period. There were only a few minutes left in class, and Y/N seriously considered just skipping and saying it took her a while to open her locker, but then she figured it would be easier to make friends if her face became a common one. When she entered the room, the entire class turned and looked at her, as if she hadn’t just popped in while on her tour. During the tour, her teachers had shown her where she would be sitting, so, with a small smile on her face, Y/N made her way to the empty table in the back of the classroom. It was her English class, but they were in the middle of discussing a book Y/N hadn’t read, so she was told to do her best to follow along for the next few classes.

Peter’s day went by like normal, running from class to class, Ned annoying the shit out of him, and having to deal with Flash’s snarky comments, so lunch was going to feel like a breath of fresh air for him. Sure, Ned’s annoying ass would be there, but at least Peter would have food to fuel him to engage in conversation. Plus, they had finally opened the outdoor seating, which very few people ever used. He could get away from the huge crowds, while stuffing his face with whatever greasy meal they were serving today. Once he received the tray of said food, he quickly made his way outside. He rushed away from both Ned and Mj, needing a small moment of peace after the crazy morning he had. That’s why he was surprised to see someone sitting at the table across from their usual one. “Hi?” Peter asked, probably coming off ruder than he planned to.

Through the windows in the cafeteria, Y/N could see how empty the outside seating was. That’s what drew her to it, as it would be the easiest way to avoid the awkward “where can I sit so that no one talks to me, but I don’t look like a total loner” stage of being the new kid at school. This sense of mind was quickly ruined when a boy came up to her. “Hi?” He said with a crease in his eyebrow. All Y/N could think was ‘wow this boy is so pretty’, before her thoughts shifted into ‘why the fuck does he have an attitude, all I’m doing is sitting’. “Hey.” She replied, looking at the small scowl on his face. “Uh, sorry, that might’ve been rude, but-”

“Might’ve been?” Y/N quipped, enjoying his flustered state. “I mean, that was rude, sorry,” Peter blushed, looking at the pretty girl in front of him, “it’s been a rough day.”

“You’re telling me,” She smiled up at him, once he found his words. Peter smiled at the girl’s sarcastic response. Just when Peter was going to pipe back with, what he though was, a funny reply, Ned came busting out of the cafeteria doors, “Dude! Mj totally just ran into Flash with her whole tray! The food went all over-woah, Peter’s talking to a girl?”

“SHUT UP!” Peter yelled, turning away from Y/N as a blush began to spread across his cheeks. Y/N let out a laugh his reaction, as well as the new boy that came out of the cafeteria’s enthusiasm about this Mj person. However, as Peter turned away from her to discuss what was going on with his friend, Y/N started to feel awkward about the situation. “See you later, Peter,” she bid him a soft goodbye, allowing her voice to waiver as she said his name, just in case that wasn’t actually his name. She really hoped to actually see him soon.

Peter’s eyes followed her around the table and into the cafeteria. “So, who was that?” Ned asked. Peter thought for a second before answering, “Actually, I don’t know”.

#peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #peter parker imagines #peter x reader #peter x you #peter x y/n #marvel #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #marvel x you #marvel x y/n #soulmate au #peter parker au #peter parker fluff

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smuttyfairy · 7 years

Text

Sweet Lies {OSH/KJM/KJI}

Description: Someone will love you, but someone isn’t me.

Genre: Fluff / Smut / Angst

Word Count: 10,036

Warning: Smut, angst that gets better bro, kind of a happy ending this time??? I don’t know let me know if you think it’s happy???

Pairing: Oh Sehun x Reader / Kim Junmyeon x Reader / slight Kim Jongin x Reader (LISTEN I’M BAD WITH THESE THINGS)

Author: Admin Xiufairy ㅅㅇㅅ (This gif explains the entire story tbh) (OH, and on my 5K+ masterlist, this is titled as Deal, but so much plot changing happened that only the description is the same oops)

Xiu’s 5K+ Masterlist

It was the first day of seventh grade, you were sitting in the front of the class. Your first few classes were fun, but your fourth was boring and right before lunch. You chewed on the end of your pencil as you waited for the bell to ring, to say that class had officially started.

You stared at the clock, wishing you could get this over with, but you never knew that it would be one of the best days of your life. You watched as more students piled through the doors. It made you anxious, being in a class full of almost thirty students. The tables being set up in pairs made you even more anxious.

“Um, excuse me.” A small boy, probably shorter than you, mumbled next to you. You looked at him.

“Yeah?” You furrowed your eyebrows at him.

“I don’t want to bother you, but I just wanted to know if it would be okay for me to sit next to you.” His eyes were wide, he was clearly just as anxious as you were. You smiled at him, nodding.

“Of course,” you replied. “I’m (Y/N) (Y/L/N), I hope we can be friends.”

“That sounds cool.” He returned your smile. “I’m Oh Sehun.”

You had made it a bad habit to chew on the end of your pencil. Your first few months of college were hectic, but at least you and Sehun were still best friends. He was the only one from high school that you still talked to. He was in your morning class with you on Thursdays, along with a guy you’d just met. His name was Junmyeon and the vibes he gave you were just about everything you liked.

Of course, the first one to pick up on your growing interest in Junmyeon was Sehun. He made it very clear to you that Junmyeon was not good news with little reason to explain why. Not that you minded, you hadn’t really expected your interest with Junmyeon to escalate anywhere, but you liked pushing Sehun’s buttons.

Sehun always joked around with you about Junmyeon, it was like he knew that you didn’t plan on moving things forward with Junmyeon. He would always laugh and make fun of you if he caught you staring.

You told Sehun everything, so even if he hadn’t picked up on the slight attraction, you would’ve told him anyway. You sat in your college class, zoning out until Junmyeon walked in late. Sehun sat next to you as your eyes followed every single one of Junmyeon’s movements.

You bit down on your bottom lip and as his eyes travelled to you. Your oxygen was seemingly cut off for a moment as you maintained eye contact with him. He smirked at you until he walked past you to sit in his usual seat in the back. You heard Sehun shift beside you.

“Be a little more obvious next time, okay?” Sehun rolled his eyes and you chuckled.

“It’s not hard to look at him, Sehun.” You shrugged, nudging his shoulder. “Don’t be so uptight, dude, it’s harmless looking.”

“Harmless until he tries to get into your pants.” He grumbled lowly, still scribbling down whatever the teacher was saying.

“And why would that matter to you?” You narrowed your eyes at him. “You haven’t ever cared before.”

“I’m just looking out for you, okay?” Sehun sighed. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Like I’d give Junmyeon the ability to do that,” you nudged his arm, “c’mon, you know me better than that.”

“It’s not you I don’t trust, it’s him.” He punctuated whatever he was writing. “You’re my best friend and I’m allowed to worry. You’re coming over after this, right?”

“What else would’ve gotten me through this class?” You nearly snorted, hearing him chuckle in response. Sehun took responsibility for you; your life hadn’t been the best, so once you met Sehun, you were able to be happy again. He didn’t like seeing you in pain and did whatever he could do avoid it.

As the bell rang, you stood to pack up your things. You looked up to find Sehun staring at something, and you assumed it was someone behind you. You felt a tap on your shoulder and you jumped, letting out a small squeal of surprise.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” You nearly froze at the sound of Junmyeon’s voice. Sehun tried not to laugh at your probably terrified looking face. You put on a smile and turned around.

“No, that’s alright. You’re Junmyeon, right?” You tilted your head a bit.

“I’ll meet you in the car.” Sehun told you, pulling his stuff away from his desk and exiting the room.

“Yeah, and you’re (Y/N),” he’d been paying attention to you, “but I guess you’re busy today. Are you busy tomorrow?” You paused, giving him a look that made him laugh.

“Uh, not really. Never, actually.” You shrugged, attempting to answer slowly and carefully in case you embarrassed yourself.

“Let’s hang out tomorrow.” He handed you a piece of paper and you saw a number scribbled down on it. “Text me if you’re interested.” With that, he walked past you and you took a deep breath, waiting until he exited the room to release it.

You stared at the piece of paper until it set in for you that he was actually interested in you. That wasn’t usually the case, so you could barely think straight. You squealed a bit, getting a weird look from the professor before you smiled at him.

After your brain calmed down, you remembered Sehun waiting for you and you bolted away from your desk. You shoved the piece of paper into the pocket of your jeans and hoped your mind would allow you to forget about it. There was no way you were actually interested in Junmyeon.

You got into Sehun’s car and he stopped to look at you.

“What happened?” He asked you, raising his eyebrow at you.

“Um, nothing really.” You cleared your throat.

“What are you going to do now that he’s interested in you? I thought you didn’t think this would escalate anywhere.” Sehun’s voice was almost cold, it surprised you. You paused for a second before sighing.

“Nothing,” you shrugged, “I told you it was harmless attraction and why would I let that go anywhere? I don’t even know him.” After that Sehun seemed relaxed. You felt bad for lying to him, because you definitely planned on seeing exactly what Junmyeon was about.

You spent the day with Sehun, unsure of how to make it less awkward for the two of you. He still seemed grumpy because of your encounter with Junmyeon.

“How do you know Junmyeon, Sehun?” You asked him, feeling him tense beside you.

“It’s nothing. I just met him in high school.”

“What? Did he beat you up or something?” You scoffed, turning to face Sehun. You saw the smirk on his face.

“Something like that.” He shrugged. You furrowed your eyebrows at him but eventually you just got up from your couch and went into your kitchen. You grabbed him a bottle of water and tossed it at him, hearing him yell a thanks in response.

“You really should tell me.” You flopped back on the couch next to him and looked at him expectantly.

“No, it’s embarrassing, it was also a one time thing -”

“Shit, he did beat you up!” You smacked his arm and giggled.

“Okay, no, have you seen how short he is? I could beat his ass.” Sehun said defensively.

“Fine, if you won’t tell me, I’m just going to assume that he kicked your ass.” You groaned and he just shrugged.

“I know you want to text him.” Sehun told you, looking at you. “What are you waiting for? You weren’t ever exactly shy with him before. You certainly aren’t hurting my feelings.”

“But I really…” you trailed off, looking away from Sehun, “he intimidates me.” You could feel your face heating up and Sehun started laughing next to you. You looked back at him, “It’s not funny, asshole.”

“No, it’s just...now you decide to be intimidated after you were basically eye fucking him today?” He chuckled, shaking his head. “That’s cute. He’ll think it’s cute.”

“Eye fucking? All I did was look -” your eyes widened and you shook your head.

“Wait a second, are you a virgin?” His jaw dropped. “I’m your best friend, why didn’t I know that?”

“You never asked!” Your face was red and you stood up from the couch to walk away from him. He followed you.

“Now you’re definitely not talking to him. Give me his number.” He held out his hand to you, almost like he knew that he’d written it down.

“But why?” You frowned, defensively grabbing the piece of paper that his number was on.

“Because he asked you to hang out, didn’t he? Where? Did he specify where?”

“Well, no, but -”

“He’s going to try to have sex with you, don’t you know anything about guys like him?” Sehun snapped at you and you flinched a bit, frowning at him.

“What the fuck, Sehun?” You stepped away from him. “So what if I did know that? What if I did want to have sex with him?” Your voice was quiet and it was almost like Sehun’s chest deflated as the words left your mouth.

“Then fine, go ahead.” He shook his head. “Don’t come crying to me when you realize that that’s all he wants.” His words were like a slap in the face as he walked away from you quickly, grabbing his jacket from the couch before he left. The door slammed loudly and your jaw dropped.

You sat there for a moment in shock, unsure of how to handle the way Sehun blew up on you. You didn’t really think of anything else except for the piece of paper in your hands. You didn’t think Junmyeon was like that, but maybe Sehun was right.

You shook your head with a sigh, ultimately deciding to text Junmyeon. The worst you could do was embarrass yourself, maybe he was looking for sex, but he’d never make you do anything. You didn’t get any bad vibes from him.

Sehun had to be wrong about this one. There was no way Junmyeon was a bad guy, you’d never even seen him talk to any of the other girls in your class. You contemplated it for a few more moments.

You texted him, telling him who it was. You got a text back within a minute and you frowned at his mention of staying at his apartment. Was Sehun right, or were you overreacting? You agreed, letting his offer fly over your head. The only thing you were uncertain of is if you were actually comfortable having sex with Junmyeon. You liked the idea but at the same time you cringed - he would be your first. Did you want to waste your first time with someone who wasn’t special to you?

Your mind travelled back to Sehun and you wondered what he’d gotten so upset about. You weren’t exactly looking forward to the next day when you had class. You were going to be sitting next to Sehun and he’d probably still be ignoring you.

It didn’t matter. What you did with Junmyeon was your own business, your own choice.

The next day, you wore a black skirt with a white blouse tucked into it, nothing too extreme but enough to get your point across - you were trying to look good for Junmyeon, something you knew Sehun would’ve scoffed at.

You were more than shocked when Sehun chose to sit in the back, far away from you. You sat in your usual seat, not bothering with Sehun’s coldness to you. It was new, he’d never done this before, but it wasn’t your problem. He would just have to get over himself.

Junmyeon slid into the seat next to you, a smile on his face.

“What’s up?”

“Sehun’s being a bit...off,” you sighed, “I don’t know what’s going on with him.”

“We should make him even more jealous.” Junmyeon hummed next to you, seemingly closer than before.

“What do you mean?” You asked, looking up at him with a frown. His lips were curled into a smirk as he, in a split second, cupped your cheek and pressed his lips against yours. You hesitated for a few seconds before you found yourself really enjoying his kiss.

His tongue swiped across your bottom lip, and you eagerly allowed him to explore your mouth with his tongue. Your own tongue joined his before he broke the kiss, biting down on your bottom lip gently and pulling it before he released it.

“I like your skirt.” One of his hands trailed down to the bottom of your skirt, tugging the fabric gently.

“Do you?” You raised your eyebrows at him. “I wore it for you.”

“Oh yeah?” His lips curled into a smirk again. “Why’s that?” His face was still so close to yours and you bit your lip.

“I think that’s obvious.” You shrugged, smiling a bit as Junmyeon kissed you again. The two of you jumped apart when there was a loud sound next to Junmyeon. Both of you looked up to see Sehun had slammed his bag on the desk.

“What?” Junmyeon looked at him.

“You’re in my spot.” Sehun’s voice was lower as he looked at Junmyeon with what seemed like disgust.

“No, Sehun, I haven’t been for a few years now.” Junmyeon laughed at himself, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I’ll give you five seconds to fucking move.” Sehun clenched his fists and moved closer to Junmyeon.

“Alright, I always did give you what you want.” Junmyeon stood and walked away, letting Sehun slump into the chair.

“What the fuck was that?” You scoffed.

“I was saving you -”

“I don’t need to be saved, Sehun, let me make my own choices. I don’t want you to choose for me.” You grabbed your bag from the floor and left before the class could even begin, waiting, hoping for Sehun to follow you. He was supposed to make things right. However, the one who followed you was Junmyeon.

“Are you leaving?” He asked, and you felt your anger melt away.

“Not without you.” You said with a smile.

You had figured Junmyeon lived alone, but you didn’t think he’d ever be able to own or afford something like this. You came to the conclusion that he must come from money, you hadn’t seen him work anywhere or show signs that he had a job.

He showed you around his apartment, which wasn’t too big, but not too small. He lingered by his bedroom as he showed you, it was almost weirdly clean like he hadn’t been in it in a few days.

“I don’t usually stay the night here.” His low words in your ear made you jump a bit.

“Where do you stay?” You asked him, almost nervously. The warmth of his body so close to yours disappeared and you turned around to face him.

“A few places.” He responded with a shrug. You narrowed your eyes at him but he didn’t see it. He grabbed a water bottle from his counter. “Can I ask you a few questions?”

“Oh, yeah, of course.” You sat across from him at the small table in his kitchen, placing your arms down on the table.

“First question,” his expression was serious and almost seductive, the way his tongue grazed over his lips had you staring at him, “are you sexually attracted to me?” Your face heated up immediately, and you went to bury your head in your hands.

“I…”

“Don’t be embarrassed,” he waited until you made eye contact with him, “it’s human nature to be aroused, you know. So, are you?”

“Junmyeon, I don’t think I can answer -”

“Is that because I scare you?” He asked softly. “Does the place that your mind goes when you see me scare you?” His bluntness took you off guard, but you couldn’t say he was wrong. He intimidated you for sure.

“I wouldn’t...go that far.” You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Then one more question,” he said slowly, his eyes narrowed in your direction, “did you come here to have sex with me?” He watched you carefully, looking for any signs that you were going to say no. Could you say no?

You paused for a second, unsure of what to say. You’d told Sehun that you wanted to have sex with Junmyeon, but could you really trust him to be your first? Would he even take care of you?

“It’s either that or you’re incredibly naive. You must know what I want and it shouldn’t come as a shock to you that the way you looked at me...I really thought about all of the things I could do to you.” Thankfully the table covered your thighs coming together, because you really didn’t want to boost his ego even more.

“Yes, that’s what I came here for.” You admitted, your throat drier than usual. He stood up from his chair, walking to yours. Your heart was nearly beating right out of your chest when he kneeled next to you, leaning closer to kiss you neck as one of his hands trailed along your thigh, not yet slipping beneath your skirt.

“I saw you walk in with this skirt and I wanted to fuck you with it on...do you like that idea?” He asked you, his fingertips brushing past the ends of your skirt. He traced his fingers on your upper thigh, and you had to fight the urge to clench your thighs together.

“Do it.” You said quickly. “Please.”

“Patience, baby, we’ll get there.” His fingers touched your core through your panties. You gasped and he chuckled. “You’re wet.” He hummed in approval. You stayed quiet but your eyes were closed, your bottom lip between your teeth.

As he began to move the fabric of your thong aside, you attempted to stay calm. You couldn’t believe you were actually doing this with someone you’d just met, or what about him made you want to do those things.

“I wish I had the patience to taste you.” He hummed, shaking his head. Before he could say anything else, he cupped your cheek and pulled you close to him, your lips touching his as his finger began to slide inside you. It was a bit uncomfortable at first, and your sigh could probably be played off as a sigh of pleasure.

As you got more comfortable with his finger, you spread your legs further for him, wishing you were able to feel friction. His lips trailed down to your neck, surely sucking hard enough to leave a mark.

He smirked against your neck and started working his finger, pushing it in quickly only to pull it back out. You moaned when he added a second finger.

“You just wait...I have something much bigger that you’ll like.” His words sent a chill down your spine. Your nerves were driving you crazy but while Junmyeon’s fingers were inside you, you forgot about them.

He sped his fingers up, curling them inside you. He hit a spot that had your body jolting forward a bit, a loud whine leaving your lips. He kissed you again, swallowing any moans that you could’ve given off. His fingers worked faster, harder inside you and you felt pressure in your core.

You cried out against his lips, unable to kiss him anymore as the pleasure filled your entire body. He kept moving his fingers, helping you ride out whatever he’d caused. He pulled his fingers out slowly, bringing each one up to his mouth and sucking your arousal off of them.

“You do taste good…” he sighed, “come with me.” He stood up, grabbing your hand and leading you to his bedroom. He closed the door and immediately brought you to his bed, waiting for your head to be on his pillows for him to climb over you. The whole room smelled like him - the vague scent of his cologne along with his smell that could only belong to him.

He kissed you roughly, rocking his hips against yours as if to tell you that he knew what he was doing. More wetness seeped from your core and you whined against his lips.

He pulled your shirt over your head, immediately trailing his lips down your chest to the hem of your skirt. His tongue joined his lips, but for some reason your mind kept going elsewhere. How could you think of Sehun at a moment like this? How could you think of how hurt he was when you told him you wanted to have sex with Junmyeon?

Junmyeon’s fingers played with the zipper, and you shifted uncomfortably, almost like you were waking up. Suddenly, when you closed your eyes, you felt like it was Sehun about to pull your skirt off and have his way with you. With your eyes closed, it was like Junmyeon wasn’t there, but Sehun instead.

“Junmyeon, stop.” You gasped out, feeling him immediately move away from you. His demeanor had turned from seductive to serious, easily switching between the two.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“No, it’s just...I can’t. I want to...but I can’t. Not with you. Not right now.” You were rambling, but he understood. He moved away from you and handed you your shirt from the floor.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable -”

“It’s not you, Junmyeon, I promise.” You sighed. “It’s definitely not you.”

“It’s Sehun, isn’t it?” He watched as you slid your shirt back over your head.

“I don’t have any feelings for Sehun, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“No, that’s not it. He doesn’t like me, and rightfully so, how could you betray your best friend like that? I get it.” He cleared his throat, standing away from you and being respectful despite the obvious bulge straining through his pants. “Sehun’s really lucky, you know, to have a friend like you.”

“I’m sorry.” You replied quietly, tucking your shirt back in. “If it helps, he hasn’t told me much about you.”

“I’m surprised, really, that he hasn’t done anything to prevent what almost happened. It was almost like he knew he wouldn’t have to.” Junmyeon made eye contact with you.

“He...he’s my best friend.”

“Is that all he is to you?” Junmyeon asked you.

“I-I - well, yes.” You sighed, running your fingers through your hair.

“That’s sad, especially when it’s so easy to tell that he’s in love with you.”

You made every excuse you could to get out of Junmyeon’s apartment. You decided to walk home, despite the cold nipping at your skin as the sun sank in the horizon. The frigid air brought you back to the reality that maybe Sehun did love you.

You unlocked the door to your apartment and when you walked in, you saw Sehun asleep on your couch. Had he been waiting for you? By the time you’d gotten home, the sun had set and night had creeped upon the area. In the moonlight, he looked perfect. His face shone beautifully, his lips slightly parted.

You knew you had to wake him up, you couldn’t just leave him on your couch. You walked over to him, sitting down next to him and gently shaking his shoulder. He let out a small groan and turned away from you, just like he always had when you were younger.

“Come on, Sehun, you can’t sleep on the couch.” You finally saw his eyes blink open slowly. He looked sad, like something had happened to him.

“You’re back.” His voice was soft.

“Yeah,” you smiled at him, “but you’ve gotta go to bed. Come on.” You turned your head and you felt him grab your wrist. You were going to ask him what he was doing when he moved the collar of your shirt, until you remembered what was there.

You saw the hurt in his eyes and you opened your mouth to speak, but before any words could come out, he stood from the couch, his face in his palms.

“Sehun, I -”

“I warned you about him, (Y/N), why wouldn’t you listen to me? Do you know how many people he’s slept with? How many diseases he could have? I thought you were waiting for someone you loved...he...you don’t understand.”

“And what don’t I understand, Sehun? Is it impossible for you to think that I might like him-?”

“I had sex with him.” He said it quickly, his voice raised. “That’s what I didn’t want to tell you, I thought I could protect you from him because he hurt me too.” Your lips parted as your jaw dropped, trying to figure out if he was joking with you.

“You...but you never told me you were -”

“I was really adventurous in the first year of high school, okay? He was...he was my first.” Sehun’s chest deflated as he explained. “Don’t make the same mistakes I did, okay? Don’t be with someone that you know will only hurt you. You have so many other people that would make much better choices -”

“Like you?” You nearly whispered it. “Is that what all of this is about, Sehun?”

“He told you.” Sehun turned away from you. “No, I didn’t mean me. I’m not that great of a choice either, you know. I want you to be with someone who loves you for you, not because of what you can give them. That’s the best friend part of me talking. I want you to be happy, I don’t care about my feelings. I’ve always hated seeing you upset and if he ever hurt you…”

He looked back at you.

“...I think I’d have to kill him.”

“I can take care of myself.” Your voice was barely working.

“Don’t think I don’t know that, I know that more than anyone else in your life, but I’ll always want to protect you.” He moved closer to you. “Seeing the proof that you were closer with him than you ever were with me made me sick.”

“A-all I did was kiss him -”

“You’re a horrible liar, you know.” Sehun scoffed. “Don’t lie to spare my feelings, they’ve been dragged through the dirt this whole time, why’s it different now?”

“You can’t put that on me -”

“And I’m not.” He replied easily. “I’ve never put anything on you because I’m in love with you! I don’t get why you think that’s so impossible.”

“Sehun, you…” your eyes welled with tears and you couldn’t even finish your sentence.

“I should go.” His voice was dry. “Every time I look at you, I just think of him.” He walked past you.

“Don’t.” You called to him, his hand lingering on the doorknob. You were sure leaving wasn’t easy for him.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” He scoffed, turning around for a moment. “I poured my heart out to you, I told you the secret nobody knows, I admitted how much I love you, but all you can say is ‘don’t’? Why don’t you want me to go? So you can fuck with my feelings more? This isn’t high school, this isn’t some game, these are real feelings, my feelings, so what the fuck are you doing?” He snapped.

“Sehun, I’m scared, I don’t know what to do.” You took a step closer to him, attempting to hold back your tears.

“How do you not know?” His own tears had gathered in his eyes. “I’d drop everything for you if you told me to. If you can’t do that for me, then what are you doing? I waited here for you, terrified that he was going to hurt you. I’m not doing this anymore, (Y/N), I can’t. It’s draining.” You couldn’t say anything else before he left.

That night you cried more than you had in years. The next morning, you didn’t go to class. You couldn’t stand being in the same room as both of them, especially when Sehun was so upset with you. You didn’t know what to do except go to his apartment and apologize to him.

You walked in, it was an hour after classes and you started to doubt that he was there. You heard a sound and you frowned, walking towards his bedroom. The door was cracked and you couldn’t help but be hurt by what you saw.

There was a girl on top of him, his chest pressed against hers as his hands frantically travelled over her bare skin as she moved on top of him.

“Fuck, do that again,” you heard him moan before he moved to kiss her neck. You watched as her eyes fluttered closed and her head tilted back. You backed away from the doorway and you were happy you made it out without making a sound.

You made it to your car and you couldn’t even explain why you’d started crying. You were the one who said you weren’t in love with him. You really shouldn’t have just walked into his apartment like that, but it wasn’t anything you hadn’t done before...well, before he’d gotten mad at you.

Your phone began ringing and you jumped before answering it.

“Hello?”

“Are you crying?” Junmyeon asked immediately.

“Um, kind of. I guess.” You underexaggerated. Your heart felt like it was breaking into hundreds, if not thousands of pieces.

“Come over. Now.”

You didn’t feel like arguing with him, so you listened. You knocked on his door, watching as he opened it.

“I was expecting this. Come on, I have candy and tissues.” He opened the door wider for you as you walked in slowly. “Don’t worry, this isn’t yesterday. I’m not always like that. In fact, I should apologize, I shouldn’t have been so forward with you.”

“Thanks, Junmyeon.” You gave him a small smile. “That’s not what I’m upset about.”

“Oh, thank God.” He let out a loud sigh. “I thought I upset you.”

“No, but you were right. About Sehun.”

“Everyone knows about that. Except you, of course, because you’re oblivious.” Junmyeon shrugged, handing you a variety of chocolate. You thanked him quietly.

“He was waiting for me at my apartment.” You started, feeling the tears come again. “Why couldn’t I just...why didn’t I realize his feelings? And...did you...did you guys really sleep together?”

“Oh yeah,” Junmyeon nodded. “A while ago, but yeah, we did.”

“He was just...angry. He hated that I was interested in you and so he tried to prevent everything he could.” You paused before continuing on to what you saw today. “I went to apologize but I...saw something I shouldn’t have.”

Junmyeon raised his eyebrow at you.

“He was with someone.” You couldn’t look at Junmyeon, so you ended up looking at your hands that were fidgeting in your lap.

“So that’s why you were crying? Because he was with someone?”

“Don’t make it sound so pathetic.” You chuckled, shaking your head.

“That’s not pathetic, (Y/N), maybe you really do love him and you just don’t know it. You clearly can’t be without him, and right now, you’re probably thinking that he’s so mad at you that he’ll never talk to you again...but…”

“But?” You looked at him.

“But guys are...really tolerant when it comes to women they’re in love with. Just because he was with that girl, or guy, you never know, doesn’t mean that he’s forgotten you. Sex is...it’s just a distraction for guys. He doesn’t like that girl, want a relationship with her, or anything like that. He wants those things with you, all of which he can’t have, therefore, he seeks a different kind of attention.” Junmyeon’s expression was serious as he told that.

“But how do I know if I love him, Junmyeon? What if I love someone else? Or there’s someone else out there that I’m supposed to be in love with?”

“If you close your eyes and think about your happiness, or your future, do you see Sehun there?” Junmyeon asked you.

“Of course, but that’s because he’s my best friend -”

“Wrong.” Junmyeon cut you off. “Your best friend isn’t always a part of your future. You might not know it, but you love him, (Y/N), no matter how much you want it to be someone else, this is Sehun. He’s seen you at your worst, your best, and everything in between, so naturally, he fell in love with you.” A tear fell down your cheek as you pulled your phone out of your purse, finding Sehun’s contact name before you sent him a text.

“Junmyeon, he won’t answer -”

“Then call him. There’s no way he won’t answer you.”

You drove home before you called him, not ready for his refusal to talk to you. What if he was still with that girl? Before you could chicken out, you forced yourself to call him. It only rang a couple times before he picked up.

“Hello?”

“Sehun, can you come over please?” You cursed yourself for the shakiness in your voice.

“Is everything alright?” He asked you with a sigh. “Nevermind, I’m on my way. Just wait for me, okay?”

You sat on your couch, your arms wrapped around your knees to keep them by your chest. He didn’t even knock before he came in. He didn’t say anything, even as he came up to you and wrapped his arms around you. You cringed as you remembered where those hands hand just been. His hair was wet, like he’d just taken a shower before coming there.

“What’s wrong?” He asked you, resting his head on top of yours.

“I came to apologize earlier, but you were...busy.” Your heart stopped in your chest as you felt his grip loosen on you. He moved away from you slowly and he put his hands in his lap.

“How much did you see?” He asked.

“Enough.” You shrugged. “It’s fine, I shouldn’t be bothered by it anyway.” Your chest was tight and you felt as if there was enough feelings swirling in there to explode.

“She didn’t...she isn’t anyone important to me.” He attempted to explain nicely.

“I know.” You nodded, your heart sinking in your chest. “But you don’t have to explain anything to me. I-I’m the one who let you leave last night. I’m the one who-who lied. It’s my fault.”

“Are you okay?” He asked again.

“Yeah, of course, it just feels like my heart got torn out and thrown on the ground, stomped on a couple times, and then ran over by a car.” You attempted to force a laugh. “I feel like my chest is going to cave in.”

“Now you know how I felt when you came back from being with him.” Sehun whispered. “It hurts, (Y/N), so what are we doing? Why are we hurting each other?”

“I don’t know.” You shook your head. “I really don’t.”

“So why don’t we stop?”

“C-can you do me a favor?” You whispered it, but you refused to let your nerves get in the way.

“What?”

“Kiss me.” His lips were on yours before you could even finish your sentence. His hand cupped your cheek and finally, you felt better. You let out a small breath against his lips before you kissed him back. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and you began to lean backwards, pulling him over you.

“What are you doing?” He whispered against your lips, his body hovering over yours.

“You’re the only one I can trust, Sehun.” You replied, feeling him kiss you again. He lowered himself closer to you with your approval, his hands trailing up your sides.

“Do you have any feelings for me?” He paused, waiting for your answer.

“Yes,” you replied without hesitation, but you weren’t sure if you were lying to him. His hips brushed against yours as he kissed you again. The emotions running through your veins made every move of his so much more noticeable.

“I love you.” He told you, his hands trailing under your shirt. “I always have and I always will. You’ll never know.” He was right, you would never know what it would feel like to love your best friend while they pursued another.

“Show me, then.” You told him, staring into his eyes through the dark. You saw a glint in his eyes that you’d never seen before, one that finally made you realize the extent of his feelings for you. The man above you was truly in love with you, and you were using him.

You were using his love to your advantage.

“Not here,” he told you, sitting up and easily sliding his hands beneath you to pick you up. He carried you into your bedroom. He placed you down gently, easily climbing back over you. Could you really do this to him? Were you going to hurt him like others had? How could he trust you so easily?

“I want you.” You told him, the words flowing off your tongue. You allowed him to pull your shirt over your head, enjoying the way his eyes scanned your body.

“I’ve wanted you for years.” He whispered, leaning down and kissing your neck, trailing down to the cups of your bra. He nipped on the skin your bra didn’t cover, a rush of breath escaping your lips.

You grabbed at the bottom of his shirt, watching as he pulled it over his head. Being close to Sehun like this turned you on more than you thought possible. You pulled him down to you again, kissing him while you fumbled with the belt on his pants.

“I don’t want you to regret this.” Sehun said suddenly. “Are you sure you want me to take this from you?”

“I wouldn’t want it to be anyone else.” You told him honestly, finally unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his pants.

“You have no idea how much I’ve thought about this.” He moaned as your hand brushed over his bulge. He reached down and grabbed your hand. You expected him to pull you away from him, to tell you to wait, but you were surprised when he brought your hand up, moving it to the hem of his boxers before helping you slide your hand into his pants.

The breath caught in his throat when your hand touched his bare member. You liked how it felt, it was smooth and your fingertips yearned to travel across the skin. He was hard, but he still had the patience to let you explore his body, as he would soon explore yours.

“Your hands are so soft.” He commented, his breathing irregular.

“Take all of it off.” You told him, removing your hand from his pants. “I want to see it.”

He looked away from you while he attempted to get out of his pants without moving too far away from you. While you waited, you took your bra off and began to slide your shorts off. When he looked back at you, his cock was fully hard, curving towards his stomach. Your jaw almost dropped when you saw how big he was, but you played it cool. It was red, almost looking painful.

His eyes scanned your body, unsure of what to do next.

“Sehun, hurry.” You whined, grabbing his hand. “I want you in me.”

“Holy fuck,” he groaned, stroking himself a few times before he nearly ripped your panties off, “I’m gonna treat you good tonight.” He leaned down and kissed you roughly. You moaned against his lips, trying to push against him.

“I need you.” You said in between kisses. One of his hands quickly moved to grab his member, lining himself up with your soaked entrance. You suddenly felt nerves settle in, but you knew you could trust Sehun. He would never hurt you on purpose.

“I’ve wanted to be your first for years,” he told you, slowly beginning to slide himself inside you, “You’re tighter than I imagined.” You winced at the sharp sting of being stretched, knowing that it was far from over. He stopped a couple inches in, heavily breathing against your collarbone.

“Sehun, it hurts.” You whined, feeling tears gather in your eyes.

“It’ll be okay, I’m right here.” He told you. “Breathe through it, I’m here.” He reached down between the two of you and attempted to help you by rubbing your clit in gentle circles. You moaned, feeling him slide in more. It had gotten to the point where the stretch stung again, but you were sure he was all the way inside you.

You gasped when he pushed in more, finally bottoming out inside you. You dug your nails into his shoulders, waiting for the sting to fade away. His fingers steadily rubbed against you and you felt the sting going away.

You felt the beginnings of pleasure.

“Oh God,” you moaned, throwing your head back against the pillow, “move.” He began to move slowly, more pleasure slowly taking over your senses. You lifted your legs and wrapped them around him, pulling him in to kiss you.

“Do you like that?” He asked genuinely, but you couldn’t help but moan at his words. You found it hard to catch your breath enough to answer him as he set a steady pace.

“Faster,” you whispered to him, lifting your hips to meet his. He complied, bucking his hips into yours faster than he had before. Your nerves had gone away and all you could think about was how good he felt inside you - the way his thick cock stretched you, hit you in all the right spots.

You felt indescribably full and wondered if sex would be like that every time. His hips moved fluidly against yours, the sounds of your wetness filling the room as he slid inside. You moaned out, asking him to go harder and faster, all of which he complied to.

You could feel something tightening in your core and you whined, not wanting it to end. He nipped your skin, surely leaving marks all over you.

“Wait,” you gasped. Sehun stopped, buried deep inside you. Sweat had covered his skin, gleaming in the moonlight that traveled through the window.

“What?” He gasped, out of breath.

You didn’t answer, all you did was sloppily flip the two of you around, leaving you seated on his lap.

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, “you’re so beautiful.” He sat up, pressing your chest against his. You almost smirked - it was your turn to feel his hands all over you.

You lifted yourself up a bit, letting out a hum of pleasure at the control you had. Creating incredibly slow friction was giving you everything you needed. His hands found an iron grip on your hips, starting to move you how he wanted you.

“Isn’t this what you like?” You started to move faster, ignoring his hands on your hips.

“I like having you on my cock,” he grunted, “I like being inside you. I could fuck you so good, baby, is that what you want?” Your stomach flipped and you moaned, leaning your head into his neck and repeated what he’d done to you.

“I’m so close,” you moaned, hearing a low growl rip from his throat. Before you could comprehend what was happening, he had flipped you over again, mercilessly pounding into you. The bed creaked and you felt small twinges of pain, but nothing compared to the pleasure you were feeling.

“Cum for me, princess.” He whispered lowly into your ear. “Cum on my cock, cum on your first cock.” You screamed in pleasure as you finished, digging your nails deep into the skin on his shoulders.

You panted heavily once you came down, feeling his seed shoot deep inside you. He waited a few seconds before he pulled out slowly, cringing as you winced.

“Did I hurt you? I’m sorry, I should’ve been more careful, it was your first time -”

“Don’t worry about it, I enjoyed it.” You told him honestly. “I’ll probably be sore, but that’s okay.”

“Wait here.” He got up again, running into your bathroom. You heard water running and once he came back, he grabbed a pair of his shorts from the drawer you kept of his things and slid them on. He lifted you up like he had earlier, carrying you into your bathroom.

“You didn’t.” You grinned when you saw the bubbles filling your bathtub.

“I did.” He looked at you. “Do you want it or -”

“I do, I was just surprised.” You told him honestly.

“I told you I would take care of you. I wasn’t lying.” He set you into the warm water, kneeling next to the bathtub. He smiled at you, scooping up some of the bubbles and putting them on top of your head.

“Are you not joining me?” You asked him, playing with the bubbles.

“Did you want me to?” He tilted his head at you. You nodded and sat up, watching as he took his shorts off. You sat in between his legs, leaning against his chest. His skin felt warmer than the water. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed the top of your head.

“This is nice.” You hummed.

“How are you feeling?” He asked you.

Instead of answering, you turned your head towards him and kissed him. His hands trailed over your body, the water splashed around the two of you.

“That good, huh?” He smirked against your lips and you turned around, straddling his lap the best you could. He put his legs down and you pulled him closer to you. You felt him beginning to harden beneath you.

You gripped his shoulders and moved your lips down to his neck. You nipped at the skin that had already begun to darken.

Once he was inside you again, it didn’t take as long for you to feel the pleasure. Your night was far from over. The water splashed over the side of the tub, both of his and your moans bounced off the walls to come back to you, to remind you of who you were on top of.

In the moment, you couldn’t even feel bad that you’d been using him.

The next morning, you woke up long before he did. You showered in an attempt to wash away your guilt. Sehun had been nothing but good to you; he treated you well and if he found out, he’d be beyond angry.

You were in your kitchen getting a bowl of cereal when your phone rang. You saw Junmyeon’s name on the screen. You sighed inwardly, answering it.

“Hello?”

“Did Sehun stay with you last night?” He asked quickly, not spending any time.

“Um, yeah, why does that matter?” You asked with a frown.

“Because this...this thing that we have going on, whatever it is, it can’t involve him. I know what I said yesterday, but I didn’t mean for you to go and stay the night with him, and there’s no way I can know what happened, but I can’t be with you if you’re attached to Sehun like that.”

“Me? And Sehun?” You scoffed. “No, we’re just friends. We don’t...there’s nothing happening there. Junmyeon, I do want this thing to work.” You attempted to speak carefully, but you knew that now was the defining moment. You looked up towards your bedroom door, making eye contact with Sehun.

You’d never seen Sehun glare at you like that. The way he turned around and went back into your room, you knew you’d hurt him.

“Let me call you back.” You said quietly, hanging up the phone and jumping up to follow Sehun. He was pulling his pants up, buttoning them and putting his belt on.

“I don’t think you have anything to say to me.” He scoffed, refusing to look at you.

“But I do have a lot to say.” You attempted to stop him.

“Did it ever cross your mind that I just don’t give a fuck?” Sehun asked you, his voice low and his eyebrows furrowed in anger. “I told you how much you meant to me but you still used me. I-I love you, I would’ve done anything for you. And you did all of this, why? So you could fuck Junmyeon and not feel bad if he hurt you because he wasn’t your first? Y-you’re no better than he was, and both times I’m suffering for it.” Tears welled into your eyes, but you knew he was right. It was very selfish of you to use him, and his reasoning wasn’t far off from yours.

“Sehun, please -”

“No, you can’t ask anything of me!” Sehun replied to you. “I don’t...I don’t want to be your friend, (Y/N), but I get it, you like Junmyeon, whatever. I don’t care anymore, but if I can’t be more than a friend to you, then I don’t want to be anything. Maybe I put myself in this situation, I was aware that you never told me that you loved me too.”

“I do love you -”

“Like hell you do!” He yelled, throwing his arms up into the air. His voice quieted, “you only love people when it’s beneficial to you.” You stood there and watched as he walked past you.

“Someone will love you, Sehun, but someone isn’t me.” You muttered, knowing he heard you. He said nothing in response, he didn’t waste any time leaving. The first tear fell as the door closed behind him.

You didn’t let any more tears fall. You called Junmyeon.

“What happened?” Junmyeon asked.

“Are you ready for the story of how low I’ve stooped for you, Junmyeon?” Your voice was cold but it wasn’t like you could blame him. You had ultimately made the decision to use Sehun for your benefit.

“Sehun -”

“Stayed here last night. In fact, I slept with him. Three times.” You said bluntly. “Last night I had sex for the first time and I did it because I didn’t want you to be my first, because I was scared of what Sehun told me about you.” The other line was silent, but you could hear his breathing.

“You...you used Sehun because you couldn’t trust me?” There was disbelief in his voice. “Are you trying to put this on me right now? I never gave you any reason to not trust me, so there’s no way this is on anyone but you -”

“I know that.” You sighed. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“(Y/N)...Sehun and I met in Freshman year. I changed a lot since then, I hurt him, I hurt a lot of other people, too, but I’m different now. I wasn’t planning on hurting you, or taking advantage of you. If that’s what you thought, I don’t think I can...be with you. In any way. Now I know Sehun’s feelings for you and I refuse to hurt him again like I did all those years ago, regardless of any feelings I have for you. And, by the way, considering what you just did to Sehun, I don’t think you and I are any different.” After that, he hung up on you.

You sat there for a moment, unsure of what else to do. You surely hadn’t expected that from Junmyeon. Even if you did have feelings for Sehun, there was no way you’d be able to fix things now. He was angry, he wanted nothing to do with you.

That time, you did let yourself cry. You cried for the loss of both of them over something that could’ve been avoided. You read it in stories all the time - weren’t you supposed to have feelings for Sehun? Weren’t you supposed to realize them at the worst moment possible, then go fix everything?

Life never was a story, you would probably never fix things with Sehun, but you would live on. Unfortunately, no matter how sad you were, the world would continue moving around you. You couldn’t ask anyone why they were still going to McDonalds and Walmart when you were sad because the world simply did not revolve around you.

It might take months, a year, a few years, but you would get over Sehun - at least, that’s what you told yourself. You had no choice but to face them in your next class, it wasn’t exactly what you were looking forward to.

You found that they’d become friends, you sat in your usual seat while Junmyeon and Sehun sat together in the back. To say it was a turn of events would’ve been an understatement. You didn’t try to talk to either of them. What did you have to say? You couldn’t make them forgive you if they didn’t want to.

You’d drained the love from Sehun’s heart and you only wished that someone would fix that for him. Junmyeon, on the other hand, seemed to be unaffected by your actions. Losing Sehun was the hardest thing for you - you had known him for years. It was, after all, your decision that drove both of them away from you.

Three months later and you still hadn’t heard a word from either of them. It bothered you, but you wouldn’t let them know that. You wondered if Sehun cried in the middle of the night because he missed you, much like you did.

You weren’t ashamed to admit that you missed your best friend, that you cried over the loss of someone so important to you.

That night, you went out. You were searching for someone to take your mind off of the two men inside the rundown bar. You ended up on the barstool, sadly drinking at whatever you’d put into your cup.

It was that night that Sehun finally talked to you. It was also that night that the your body entangled with his for the last time. For some reason, it felt as if the two of you were drawn to each other.

All you could do was give in to the temptation that was Oh Sehun, the man you could’ve had all that time ago, had you just figured the truth out for yourself. Once again you found his name bouncing off the walls of your room, the quickened breaths, the smell of sex coating every corner and crevice of your bedroom.

His hands, although only being with you one night, had seemingly memorized everything about your body. You came to realize that it was because of the love he had for you, the part of him that wanted everything to do with you, no matter how much you hurt him.

One of your old friends told you that men were especially tolerant of their first love, and it made you wonder if he’d only ever loved you. In the desperate plea that was his body working against yours, he attempted to get rid of every scar you’d given to him.

This time, it was you who was left damaged after that night, but you deserved it. This time, it was you calling out how much you loved him. You left scratches down his back and dark marks along his neck, anything that would remind him of you.

Maybe that was selfish, maybe that wasn’t helping him heal, but you didn’t care. It wouldn’t help you heal, either.

The moment he spilled inside of you, signifying the end of everything, both of you breathed heavily. He buried his head in your neck, his eyelashes fluttered against your skin. It was almost like he didn’t want to pull out of you, even as he began to soften inside you.

You had trouble sleeping that night as he slept soundly next to you. Would he stay? Would he want to work things out with you? He wasn’t even drunk when you brought him home, so maybe that was the case.

You couldn’t help but doubt it. However, even as your mind clouded with doubt, you fell asleep. The only way you would find out if he was leaving was if he did. Your dreams consisted of what it would be like for the two of you if he stayed, if you woke up next to him in the morning.

Unfortunately, you wouldn’t get to experience that twice. You woke up the next morning and he was gone, nothing except for a note written in his sloppy handwriting that you’d begun to love as well as everything else about him.

Someone will love you, but someone isn’t me.

The words you said to him just a few months ago had hit you now. It was like the two of you swapped places, and now he was ready to cause you any pain you’d caused him. You deserved it. You deserved to cry for the hours that you did that morning.

You’d hurt him, even though he was your best friend. You’d hurt him so unforgivably so that he came back for revenge, and you felt every ounce of pain he did. Luckily, college was done for the summer, so you just had to make sure you weren’t in any classes with Sehun.

After that, he had seemingly disappeared from your life, and you felt the loss every second of every day. You remembered how his lips felt against yours, how even after you’d hurt him, he was gentle with you.

Sehun would always have your heart, you were sure of it. You were sure that the pain that you caused both him and Junmyeon could never reach back to you - you would never feel it as badly as they did.

What had stopped you from loving Sehun?

You believed it was that you never really believed that Sehun was in love with you until it was too late. You were blind, and because of that, you lost him forever.

The lies you told him were sweet, you made him believe you cared about him, but you ripped his heart out. You hurt him because you were terrified of being hurt. He was right; you only loved people when it benefited you.

Summer dwindled on quickly, and thankfully you were able to confirm that you would be without Sehun in your class. The only downside was that you were with Junmyeon. You wondered if he still talked to Sehun.

On the first day, you walked in and sat in the front, where you would normally sit. Tables set up in pairs made you anxious, you hoped that Junmyeon wouldn’t try to sit with you. You didn’t think he would, but you couldn’t help but worry.

Your mind still wandered to Sehun. You wondered if he was happy, if he was loving someone else, if he’d touched anyone else since he’d touched you. That was wrong of you to think about, you hurt him and he was no longer yours to mess around with. He would not get hurt by you again.

You must’ve daydreamed, because the teacher shut the door with a loud slam. You jumped a bit, your eyes widening as you stared at him. Students were scurrying around to find a place to sit, or for familiar faces.

“Um, excuse me.” You looked over and saw a tall boy standing there, his skin was tanned and his eyes were almost a honey color as he looked at you.

“Yeah?” You furrowed your eyebrows at him.

“Of course,” you replied. “I’m (Y/N) (Y/L/N), I hope we can be friends.”

“That sounds cool.” He returned your smile. “I’m Kim Jongin.”

Maybe new beginnings were right in front of your eyes.

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narutolists · 7 years

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Hello! I am back from my very long much needed holiday (that I am already missing). It was such a relief taking time off from work and real life stuff that I was kinda sad to leave (still happy to be home though). Aaaaand straight into the Christmas retail period!

So! A few things to mention. I’ll list ‘em up to make this easier.

1) I got engaged while I was away! So I now have a wedding to plan! 2) We are meant to be receiving the keys to our new house this week! So I’ll be moving out of home soon! 3) We just had our Black Friday sale day (In Australia) and MY GOD was it insane. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a day that busy and hectic since Boxing Day. I cannot start to imagine what it’s like in America

SO due to the first two things I’ve been having a good long think about this blog and what to do with it. I’ve decided to revamp it! It’ll still of course be “Naruto Lists” as I’ll still be writing them. However due to the time it takes me to write them (and post them) I’m going to be adding another feature here which will take me less time to write and will give me something to post in-between lists.

Introducing Headcanons! The basic gist of it is that you guys ask me to write down my headcanons for something (relating to Naruto and it’s characters of course) and I’ll create a short paragraph about them for you.

Example: “Headcanons for Konoha 12 sleeping habits”

These lists will be much shorter than my current ones and therefore won’t take me as long to write. More content for you!

With that being said please give me a while to create the rules, revamp the page and officially announce I’m taking them. Thank you for your patience!

#naruto #narutolists #not a list #headcanons #announcement #j world #japan #revamp

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gethealthy18-blog · 5 years

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Why I Don’t Make New Year’s Resolutions & What I Do Instead

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/news/why-i-dont-make-new-years-resolutions-what-i-do-instead/

Why I Don’t Make New Year’s Resolutions & What I Do Instead

I’m going to share a little secret… I’m really competitive. (Like, really.) My husband is the same way. So you’d think we’d be great at New Year’s resolutions, right?

Not so much! Let me explain why…

New Year’s Resolutions: Yay or Nay?

Of course I’m not against the idea of self-improvement (far from it) and I’m in full support of setting New Year’s resolutions if it works for you. It became apparent that we needed something different for our family after a few years of trying to set and keep New Year’s resolutions together.

I’m the first one to say that better habits are worth the effort and that strong daily routines go a long way toward a successful outcome. Still, if you’re like me and winning is important (maybe too important), goal-setting has the potential to be frustrating.

My usual downward spiral when it comes to New Year’s resolutions (or resolutions in general) goes something like this:

I think too big and bite off more than I can chew.

I get mad at myself when I don’t accomplish the goal as I thought I would.

Therefore, I don’t want to make new resolutions.

My intentions, while admirable, were not getting me too far. Time for a new approach!

Out with New Year’s Resolutions… in With Experiments!

Since my husband is the exact same way, one year we had a meeting of the minds (over a glass of wine, of course) and decided to take some pressure off of New Year’s resolutions. That year, instead of resolutions, we would try experiments.

In case you were hoping for something more revolutionary, hear me out…

First, let’s look at the definition of “resolution”:

a firm decision to do or not to do something

the action of solving a problem, dispute, or contentious matter

Now let’s compare “experiment”:

a scientific procedure undertaken to make a discovery, test a hypothesis, or demonstrate a known fact

a course of action tentatively adopted without being sure of the eventual outcome

Doesn’t one sound a little more motivating (and fun) than the other?

We totally owe Tim Ferriss for the inspiration for our experimental approach:

“I like pushing myself to the limit and pushing the envelope, and in my mind that is not really compatible with a reliable long-term plan,” says Ferriss. “I generally treat my life as six-month projects and two-week experiments of various types. Then I take the most attractive door that pops up, and rinse and repeat.”

Calling our goals “experiments” (we also call them “challenges” at times) builds excitement about the process and keeps the focus on the learning process more than the end result. We make a hypothesis about what will happen and see what we can learn from the experience… no winning or losing involved.

It may sound like the easy way out but these experiments suit the more intense personalities in our house because they allow us to have laser focus for a shorter period of time. Or, we can just have fun with it and see where it leads, depending on what our family needs at the time.

Ideas for a Healthy New Year (& How to Stay Motivated)

So how to start “experimenting” with a great 2019? Here are some favorite experiments and challenges we’ve tried over the years (and I share a full list of mini-goals for the New Year in this podcast if you’re interested):

1. Keep a Journal

If there’s any one way to make positive changes (and keep them), making long-term things much more accomplishable on a smaller scale and on a daily basis is the place to start. This is where a daily journal comes in.

Research shows that journaling reduces stress and has a real impact on happiness and physical health. I’ve always kept some kind of journal, but this year for the sake of research and a bunch of new health routines I plan to try, I’m experimenting with getting a much more detailed journaling process going, such as:

things I’m grateful for

a health picture of the day (what I ate, exercise, how I’m feeling, etc.)

my daily to-do list

a challenge list (more on that in my 2019 New Year’s podcast)

One of my favorite ways to manage my to-do list is to pick the two most important things for the day, every day. (Something besides obviously feeding my family and keeping up with the household, etc.) If all I can get done is those two most important things, then I can consider that day a success!

2. Take a Detox Baby Step

I’m often asked how I “do it all,” and the answer is… a little at a time! The recipes and health articles you see on the blog came to be over 10+ years of experiments, trials, and false starts. I’ve shared my successes, but as my kids would be all too happy to tell you… there were plenty of failures along the way!

This is why I designed my Wellness Mama 5-Step Lifestyle Detox book to offer baby steps that let you tackle a little at a time, in the area of life that matters most to you. Whether it’s your food, cleaning products, makeup and beauty products, or even your mental health that you want to declutter and make healthier, there’s a step that will help with that (in a way that’s not overwhelming or unrealistic).

Some baby steps to start on (covered in detail in the book):

Replace conventional cleaners and detergents with natural ones (get 15% off my favorite starter kit at Branch Basics with code MAMA15)

Swap out plastic cups, plates, or silverware for nontoxic alternatives

Clear the mental clutter and reconnect by setting a digital day off (use a kitchen safe if you have to).

3. Write up (or Refine) a Family Manifesto

Years ago we discovered the power of a family manifesto to shape our family culture. It keeps growing and changing as our family does, but we’re very intentional about pursuing those goals.

I’ve explained more about what’s in our family manifesto elsewhere, but a big goal in our family is to raise kids with an entrepreneurial mindset. This is something that is very important to both my husband and myself. We try to give them opportunities to think outside of the box because with the way some things in the world and environment are headed, we need people who can tackle and solve these problems.

Once we narrowed down to our the core values that really define and excite us, we put it in writing. Visual reminders like these wall quotes help keep us focused on what really matters to our family.

4. Conduct a Sleep Experiment

Having trouble narrowing down to just one thing to tackle this year? What if I told you just one thing could help your body restore and heal, regulate hormone production, boost your mood, and aid in weight loss? Yep, sleep! Plus it’s free (or almost free)!

Of course as moms there are many situations that make it tough to get enough sleep, but when even just one missed night of sleep can give you the blood sugar levels of a diabetic or pre-diabetic, it’s an area to take seriously.

One thing I can control even as a mom is my sleep environment and this is a great place to start experimenting. I go into exactly what I do in this post, but some additional things to try are:

avoiding blue light a few hours before sleep (or wear orange glasses)

lowering the temperature at night

using black-out curtains (and ditching nightlights)

investing in a good quality mattress

exposure to outdoor light for at least 30 minutes in the morning (or use a sun lamp)

Sleep better and you’re already off to a great start in 2019!

5. Have an Attitude of Gratitude

It sounds cliché, but cultivating gratitude as a daily habit is perhaps even more important than any resolution or experiment, because it’s the secret to fighting stress and staying motivated. The point here is to keep from falling into the trap of thinking, “If only I had XYZ, I’d be happy,” or, “If only I didn’t have to deal with ABC, I’d be happy.” This is a pretty vicious cycle.

I love this TED talk from Shawn Anchor where he points out that gratitude and happiness are the first step and not the end result. So making the choice to be happy and have gratitude is not only healthy, but it can improve performance and success as well! Sometimes just writing down what we’re grateful for (and telling others we’re grateful for them too) is all we need to realize we’re doing just fine.

2018: A Wellness Mama Year in Review

Resolutions aside, I do value this time of year for reflecting on all we’ve done and accomplished. The last 525,600 minutes have been busy, hectic, hard, amazing, rewarding, and so many other things all rolled into one crazy year and I’m so grateful that I got to spend it with all of you!

To celebrate some of the things that make life easier (hooray!), I’m sharing some the best natural living resources and hacks I found in 2018 (and I’d love to hear yours in the comments as well).

Highlight of 2018: Working With My Best Friend!

2018 will go down in the books as one of my very favorite years, because it’s the one when Heather and I decided to join forces! Now we have unlimited excuses to hang out (you know, in the name of health research) and make even better content for all of you.

You’ll see more changes coming on the site soon, and thanks for your patience as we navigate all the technical ins and outs of creating the new and improved Wellness Mama!

Biggest Lesson Learned: Hurricane Michael

It was a real test this year sitting in a hallway of a hotel and watching the predictions that the path of the storm would make landfall exactly where we lived. Trying to choose gratitude in that moment, even realizing everything we owned could be gone, was definitely difficult.

At the same time, it made me realize more than ever how the most important things are people we love and how little else we really need.

Our house was spared, but with the devastation still in many areas around us, there’s a long road ahead for our area. It’s spectacular how people here are pulling together to help each other and I won’t ever forget this lesson about the importance of community.

Favorite Christmas Memory: Handmade Gifts

No matter how I try to keep them little, my kids just keep getting older. Many of them are starting to handle gifting on their own. I loved seeing how many of them chose to give handmade gifts this year. I’ll cherish these gifts more than anything that could come from a store, and thanks to online courses from Udemy, some of them were complete surprises I didn’t even know they could make!

Biggest Health Game-Changer: SteadyMD

I wrote a lot this year about what we use for health care, and we’ve made some big changes for the better. My family doctor is now only a text away thanks to a service called SteadyMD. They asked me a series of questions about our lifestyle and health preferences and matched each person in the family to the best doctor for them. Our SteadyMD docs are on call 24/7, and mine even specializes in Hashimoto’s (since he has it himself).

We use the family plan so I can text or call the doctor about all of the bumps, scrapes, sprains, and mysterious rashes (oh, the rashes!) that seem to come with having kids.

p.s. If you’ve ever thought about using a health-sharing ministry or service in place of insurance, I write about our (very positive) experience with Samaritan here.

My Favorite New Gadget: The Oura Ring

I’ve stayed away from sleep trackers and Fitbits until now because I didn’t like the idea of wearing wireless technology… until I found the Oura Ring! Unlike other trackers, the Oura Ring works in airplane mode. It’s incredibly accurate too. I can set fitness goals, track my heart rate, get a view of my physical activity, analyze sleep patterns, and even track my cycle.

Runners Up:

Best Beauty Product: Alitura Naturals

Just when I thought I’d perfected my oil cleansing facial routine, I found a skincare line that blows everything I’ve ever tried out of the water. The amazing formulas include all of the best organic skincare ingredients like jojoba oil, rosehip oil, bee propolis, astaxanthin, neroli oil, and more. I interviewed Alitura founder Andy Hnilo in this podcast, and the story behind his company is so inspiring.

Runners Up:

Best New Health Product for Kids: Genexa

I can’t even tell you how excited I am that there is now a natural, organic, dye and preservative-free line of over-the-counter medicines at the corner pharmacy. It’s basically what I’ve dreamed about for years. I use Genexa’s Sleepology when the kids can’t sleep, Allergy-D for seasonal allergies, and their Cold Crush and saline spray to loosen congestion… but the whole line is amazing. Check them out here.

Runner Up:

Ready, Set, Food! – Only in the runner-up category because it is for the more limited category of babies ages 4-11 months, but this is a break-through new product all moms should know about, especially if you worry about your children developing food allergies.

Favorite New Recipe

I’ve always liked recreating my favorite restaurant meals at home, but this was the year I perfected some of my favorite “at-home take-out” meals (and saved a lot of money in the process):

Favorite Snack or Quick Breakfast: PaleoValley Beef Sticks

Hands down, my favorite kid-friendly snack in the pantry are these PaleoValley beef sticks. Unlike a lot of other snacks they deliver a solid dose of protein and keep kids satisfied until we get to where we’re going. They’re also organic, grass-fed, and naturally fermented and shelf-stable without preservatives. My kids’ favorite flavors are the Original and the Summer Sausage.

Runners up:

Best Time-Saver in the Kitchen: Real Plans

Without a doubt, the tool that saves me the most time in the kitchen is Real Plans for meal planning. The Instant Pot saves me the most time in cooking, but Real Plans saves time planning and shopping (and it has many Instant Pot recipes too!). My favorite part? It is so easy to use that I can plan everything from my phone while waiting at kid activities!

Word of the Year

I’m keeping my word of the year from 2018 because I think it’s still fitting — “community.” It couldn’t be more fitting as I’m trying to focus on building strong community in our home, our city, and here on the blog. What is your word this year? If you need ideas, try this word of the year generator for a kickstart!

Giving Back in 2018…

From the very beginning, the mission of Wellness Mama has been to help other families live healthier lives and empower moms (and dads) with practical ways to accomplish this.

I feel like the mission to help parents provide healthy food for their families doesn’t stop in my own community or even just in the blogging community as there is such a need for this internationally.

Did you know?

If you’ve ever clicked a link on the site and made a purchase from there, you’ve helped keep WellnessMama.com up and running, and a percentage of that is also donated to charities that provide sustainable food and water sources worldwide. Thank you so much if you’ve helped support my blog in this way and also helped support many others worldwide.

Reviewing the numbers today, the giving is the real thing that I’m most excited about and most proud of. Over the years, the Wellness Mama Community… YOU… have helped provide items to families in need all over the world.

These gifts not only provide food or clothing to those in need, but in many cases, also a sustainable food or water source and a way for a family to earn an income.

Over the years, you’ve helped give:

2000 pounds of non-perishable foods

840 chickens for eggs, meat and income for families

72 pigs for food and income for families

12 goats for food and income for families

4 donkeys for transportation and tilling

3 water pumps that each provide water to a village

4 beehives for food and income for families

20 fruit trees so that families can grow the fruit and sell

10 pairs of work boots so farmers can work safely

5 sets of agricultural tools for small farmers

10 large coolers for fishermen to store fish to sell

8 sewing machines and thread/material for women to open sewing businesses

plus medical supplies and school supplies for children around the world

These things were donated through Food for the Poor in case you want to send some chickens to someone in need this year 🙂

I’ve always been a big believer in the “teach a man to fish” mentality, and giving in this way not only provides food or water for someone one time, but helps other families to start their own businesses and provide food for their children regularly. Because at the end of the day:

Looking Forward to 2019…

Again, thank you so much for reading, for being a part of the Wellness Mama community, and for sharing in the mission of providing a healthier future for our children.

In 2019 I hope you’ll join me in one of my personal goals: to let go of the stress, expectations, and perfectionism that seem to go hand in hand with modern motherhood. To set a good example for my children and teach them the coping skills to manage stress as they get older.

If this sounds like a lofty goal, it’s only because it’s one I’ve been working on for years. I can finally say I’m at the point where I’m letting go of old habits and convincing my Type-A driven personality to make self-care and self-compassion a priority.

I’ll be talking about these things a lot more on the blog this year, and sharing the systems and habits that have made the difference for me. Hopefully what I’ve experienced will help some of you, and I’m sure you’ll have ideas for me!

Happy New Year 2019, Wellness Mamas!

I may be the original Wellness Mama, but the truth is all of you make this community what it is — a tribe of moms searching for better ways to care for ourselves and our families. I’m honored to be on the journey with all of you, and I wish each of you a very peaceful, happy, and healthy 2019!

Do you make New Year’s resolutions? What works or doesn’t work for your family? I’d love to hear your ideas for experiments, challenges, or resolutions!

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/26215/new-years-resolutions/

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