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#I wonder what this says about my psyche
thespiritssaidso · 1 month
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I wonder if the people making posts about psychology and psychedelic music on the #psych tag ever actually go scrolling through it
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d-lanx · 3 months
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Has anyone seen "Margarita" commenting on Punk pictures on Pinterest?
Ok so I've been on pinterest for a while and I've been noticing over the last few weeks that the same account comments on a lot of pictures of CM Punk, often with bad spelling, multiple times, and as if they're talking directly to him. And all the comments are from the last year. Has anyone else seen this?
The display name is Margarita, but the username is munica1975p, so presumably they were born in '75 and would be 49yrs old (if 1975 is even a reference to their age in the first place). They have a few boards dedicated to various men (the only wrestling one is Roman Reigns), but they have no public Punk boards despite their obsession. And yet it really only takes a minute of looking through Punk photos on pinterest to see a post with one of their comments.
They've even commented to wish punk "good night" on multiple photos of him. I honestly can't tell where they stand with him. One post they'll be saying how they're a fan and can't wait to see him and then another will say "end fast" or "I will find new friend". I'm just very confused.
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my favourite set I found was in response to this image:
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the comments were made over a few months. They literally keep coming back to the same posts to comment and wish his picture a good night. I'm just very confused.
I even found one picture that had all these comments on it:
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There's just so many comments, and they keep coming back to comment on the same posts over and over every few weeks. And with how badly spelt some are, how disjointed, and how some of the comments really don't make any sense, I can't tell if this is someone whose just trolling, or someone whose just got a really unhealthy obsession or some psych issues or smth. I know trolls can be dedicated but even still, this is a lot. And with the age on the account, 49 (if that really is their age) seems a bit older than what I would expect for your average shitposter.
I can only assume they have a private board of Punk photos and scroll through every so often and re-comment on the pictures over and over again.
But yeah, has anyone else seen this? I'm very confused but also kinda fascinated by this. I wanna know if it's trolling or if they're actually that obsessed.
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britneyshakespeare · 1 month
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i'm very interested what ppl find to be the harder shakespeare plays and which they found to be easier. bc i was googling out of curiosity and i found a sparknotes article (link if you're curious) that ranked ten of the most commonly-read plays on difficulty and it put king lear kinda down low whereas it put julius caesar pretty high because of the politics/complicated conflicts. that kind of baffled me because julius caesar was the first tragedy i read outside of the classroom and i found it very approachable; it's one i often recommend to people trying to get into shakespeare because the plot is already familiar to most ppl and you can just enjoy the poetry and how shakespeare chooses to characterize these figures. on the other hand i read king lear a few years later in my shakespeare journey, and to be honest i still kind of have a hard time with lear. maybe i just don't connect with it on some level; i'm not sure. it's not a very tightly-organized play where the action is as centered as in the other tragedies like hamlet or macbeth. that's certainly a me thing and maybe that'll change with age. but i'm always a little surprised when i find someone's experience with the plays so much different than mine.
anyway if you're reading this feel free to reblog and tag or comment which shakespeare plays you found yourself falling into most naturally and which worlds you felt like you had to force yourself into. i'm interested in what ppl feel on this subject
#i also had a hard time w love's labor's lost for comedies. idk i just didn't connect w any of the characters tho the premise is interesting#on my inexplicable third hand: once i primed myself w the historical context to get into the wars of the roses plays i found them addictive#which is funny bc before i read them i kinda NEVER thought i'd get around to the histories#bunch of dead kings i had never heard of. i was like what care is that to me?#text post#shakespeare#king lear#julius caesar#sparknotes#that article rated cymbeline as the most difficult if you were wondering. which i think is an interesting choice#bc it's not really one of the top 10 you're most likely to be presented with#i LOVED cymbeline but it was like. the 30th play i had read. something like that lol#so clearly i was quite used to shakespeare by the time i read it. i wasn't someone who needed to psyched up to read him#(although even i can have a hard time w shakespeare still... and i have only 3 plays left once i finish this last scene in m4m)#i can't say it's a good play for a beginner to start with at all. for many reasons. but cymbeline is a great play.#a midsummer night's dream was also very easy to get into and that was the first one i read on my own#isn't it one of everyone's firsts? it's magnificent i mean. it's unmatched#and it's also one of the shortest and easiest to understand with some of the most lovely lyrical poetry#troilus and cressida was hard and i don't particularly like that one... waiting to change my mind#both t&c and love's labor's are ones i only read once and never watched in any form#so maybe i should give them another shot#i HAVE given lear a couple of other shots and i still find it kind of impenetrable to be honest#it's not that i don't understand the surface level. but i can't. idk. i can't feel much about it#by shakespeare standards
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neverbelessthan · 1 year
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I just read someone’s hot take on ‘the mermaid scene’ being ‘peak cringe’ and I just-
Sweet, sweet human. That’s Ed’s psyche you’re taking about. My dude is having his life flash before his eyes in the most beautiful little heartbreaking s1 montage, and if that’s how he wants to picture Stede coming to redeem his lonely fucking soul - as a glittery goddamn tits-out merman, then that’s HIS GODDAMN BUSINESS.
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clits-and-clips · 6 months
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Have a psych app and my sister was diagnosed with autism today so its quite a day everyone
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eclarinet · 2 months
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same soup... different day
#hello it is sarah in the tags again#i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again#venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone#anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin#back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye#anyway this time i'd come in for the big D#i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong#i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety#its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc#anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the#isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers#isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and#i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic#anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing#i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche#also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like#ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it#and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this
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rosignoelle · 2 years
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mckirk rec list
Some of my favourites from this pairing, in order of increasing word count. All of the fics listed here are aos inspired (i’m a total spirk shipper when it comes to tos but mckirk has my heart for the aos).
where i lay my hat
Rating: G
Word Count: 5k
“If Bones wants to spend a ridiculous amount of his own salary keeping an empty apartment, then by all means.”
Jim accidentally moves in with Bones over the course of several shore leaves. The relationship progression is lovely.
and i can lend you all my broken parts that might fit (like this)
Rating: E
Word Count: 17k
“Academy Era. First they fall into bed. Then they fall in love”
A study in intimacy.
blueshift
Rating: E
Word Count: 22k
“When Leonard shows up at Starfleet Academy, he wonders just how drunk he was when he met with the recruiter. He has no friends, misses his kid, and if drowning his sorrows doesn't kill him, PT will. Then he meets Jim Kirk again.”
This is probably one of my favourite depictions of a character with depression. A little rushed towards the end, but very well written overall.
Better Strangers
Rating: E
Word Count: 23k
“When Leonard McCoy moves to San Francisco it's to start a new life. Something different from his old life. That means putting up with Starfleet policies, combat classes, idiot hospital employees and Jim Kirk.”
Major focus on Bones working as a doctor, which I love, and the characterizations feel spot on! The ending is a little abrupt.
Denial
Raring: E (teen until the last chapter)
Word Count: 26k
“Denial or, 5 times Bones touched Jim when he wouldn't know, and one time he did. When Leo bumped into the kid at the bar, he never knew that he'd met the one who would save him from his loneliness.”
This is written in a stream of consciousness style which plays out very well. A very sensual piece.
Old Man and the Enterprise
Rating: M
Word Count: not listed but probably ~30k
“The life and times of James T. Kirk and Leonard H. McCoy; a series of short scenes which start on shore leave and end in the indefinable future.”
This is not a sad fic by any means, but it feels mournful and yearning and lovely. gorgeous allusions to literature throughout.
This Business of Art
Rating: M (maybe T+)
Word Count: 46k
“Art culture modern AU mystery --- “Listen, Jim, I don’t know what you’re trying to do. Whether it’s taking the skeletons out of your closet or resurrecting some lost essence your father possessed…it’s not going to work.” He leveled his gaze upon Jim’s own, “It will only bring about more pain and upset everyone you love while you’re at it.” – the problem was, Jim thought, in this world of art and business who did he love, friend or foe?”
It’s a murder mystery and and art AU all in in one! I adore how this author adapted canon tidbits to their AU. Great use of foreshadowing.
Touch and Go (Right in Front is You)
Rating: M
Word Count: 48k
“Four days. That's now long Leonard had known Jim. Four days and eight train rides, during which they'd shared three thermoses of tea, several pints of beer, a handful of snacks and texts, and a red and white tin of mints that started the whole fucking thing.”
This is a great story— the author lived in the area where the story is set, which contributes to the gorgeous world building. It also has a nice focus on friendship and an ensemble cast!
the violence of comets
Rating: T
Word Count: 57k
“Jim has never once, in his life, believed in love. He wears his bare skin with only his own tattoo circling his ankle as a badge of honor. He meets a man named Leonard McCoy on a shuttle in Riverside, Iowa who believes exactly the opposite.”
A very cute AU with a nice focus on building trust.
Love, Like Ghosts
Rating: E
Word Count: 64k
“This is several stories, not just the story of Jim & Bones' epic romance.
Jim's story. "Most would think defeating the Narada was my greatest triumph, but those closest to me know the truth. The Narada was a distant third. My last Kobayashi Maru comes in second-- and not for the reasons you'd think. The first, well..."
Chris's story. "I reached a certain age and thought I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted out of life. Then I walked into an Iowa bar and realized I wasn't the person I thought I knew. Not even close..."
Leonard's story. "You know that story? the one where Pike meets Kirk and there's mentoring and bonding and they tiptoe through the tulips into happily ever? Well, this ain't it. Dipshit."”
The characters are so wonderfully flawed in this fic, it feels like a psychological piece in the best way.
visions
Rating: M
Word Count: 65k
“Jim and Bones met in high school. music was something they shared from the start. Over the years after they parted ways, they find each other again and again, and wonder if there will ever be some version of the future where the two of them can be together”
This is tagged as a high school au, but is primarily set during adulthood. A great example of non-linear storytelling, and a happy ending guaranteed!
Our Life is Not a Movie or Maybe
Rating: E
Word Count: 70k
“From Variety, June 2008:
Pavel Chekov ("Charlie X") and Gaila ("Bread and Circuses") have joined the cast of small budget drama "That Which Survives," funded by Fleet's indie arm Academy and supervised by Nyota Uhura.The debut feature from longtime script doctor Leonard McCoy, former show runner on sitcom "Three to Tango," centers on a college student coping with his father's terminal cancer. Chekov plays the son, Gaila the nurse. The father is yet to be cast. Also attached are director James T. Kirk and producer Spock, the team behind the blockbuster spy-girl franchise starring Carol Marcus, the latest of which, "A Taste of Armageddon," opened last month. (A modern-day Hollywood AU.)”
The romance definitely takes the back burner here, which suits the realistic vibe of the fic. the storytelling is really well done.
En Promenade
Rating: E
Word Count: 73k
“After three months of weekend bar-hopping and a slow process of elimination -- with finding the right bar, that was, and tragically not discovering who Bones was into -- Jim was starting to narrow it down. Bones was actively scowling less, which seemed like a good sign, but Jim still didn’t quite have it right, and lo, he was determined.”
It’s the dancing fic. One of my all-time favourites, this is an excellent academy-era fic with a plot that manages to be both absolutely insane but incredibly compelling.
Friends with all my Demons
Rating: E
Word Count: 93k
“Someone has to teach Jim Kirk how to take care of himself, ‘cause he sure as hell isn’t picking it up on his own.”
A gorgeous academy-era slow burn, strong focus on medicine and how bones balances being jim’s doctor and his friend which was really nice to read.
Catching Fire (The Firehouse AU)
Rating: E
Word Count: 137k
“21st Century fire department AU. Paramedic Leonard McCoy flees a disastrous break-up in Savannah and ends up working at a fire department in Iowa.”
The character development in this fic is exquisite, and Bones makes for a great unreliable narrator which allows for some great set ups.
Two Men and a Motorbike
Rating: E
Word Count: 150k
Alternate Link AO3 Link
“One of the few constants in James Kirk's life the last three years has been his best friend, Leonard McCoy. After saving Earth from a bunch of crazy time-traveling Romulans, Jim & Bones find out what happens when best friends cross the line between friendship and something more after a late night ride on Jim's motorbike. There are good times and bad times, and times that are just plain complicated.”
A post-Narada academy fic that’s simultaneously a total romp and wonderfully endearing. Also has a 60k sequel with an emotionally mature depiction of two (admittedly fucked up) individuals navigating a romantic relationship.
Switch
Rating: E
Word Count: 230k
“The life and times of Leonard H. McCoy MD/PhD … If Leonard McCoy's life could get any fucking weirder, it would be … Jesus, he didn't even want to think what that could possibly mean, because it's already been too fucking weird to make any kind of rational sense. A Starfleet Academy story, set in the ST:XI universe.”
For me this is THE mckirk fic. The storytelling is so seductive. It’s beautifully written and the characters are deeply compelling.
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ephemeral-winter · 1 year
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well,
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indefinite hiatus from tumblr [where 'indefinite' does not mean 'forever', merely 'a week? two weeks? a month? who even knows at this point']
still be available for DMs for a bit at least, but I'll not be checking my notifications or dash. tag me if you want me to see something in ??? time :)
love y'all
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technofinch · 1 year
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catching up on bte. kip sabian's new look is, objectively, bad. however. it extremely works for me.
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indigodawns · 2 years
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#my guys getting a ~new diagnosis at 25 is EXHAUSTING???#at least as a chronic overthinker ig bc whew#every day i swing from oohhh yep im definitely autistic to noooo i don't think i fit it enough esp sensory wise and blabla#i make eyecontact (but now im thinking about it and it's like being conscious of your breathing yk?? and then it's like. is that why#it doesn't feel that natural suddenly or??? and if im a little uncomfortable i stop making eyecontact but ig that's ~normal)#and then with noise and light i don't KNOW i don't know if it's all bc im paying attention now#like you see MAYBE im just pretending my depression symptoms/self-dislike are autism but what actually happens is just that#and i wonder like is my almost compulsively picking at my nails or scabs (i know) stimming or? and what stims would i like how do you KNOW#anyways. had autism group therapy last week and it was v chill and lowkey and also relatable at times though we didn't cover that much#but the overhead lights stayed off and that was great bc i hate u massive tl lights (but im prone to migraines so who knows!)#anyways. my mum did say it makes sense to her and my sister accepted it in a heartbeat JDMDMD and she studies psych and had to#deal with me growing up and bossing her around (our strongest soldier)#and on holidays it takes me a week to get settled usually but i THOUGHT that was depression bc i feel isolated and lonely for a while#so yknow??? sighhhh i am discussing this in therapy but i wanna KNOW i want facts so i can speed through the acceptance process cmon#(i know.......)#anyways. if you're still reading 1) mwah and 2) input is always welcome#insofar any of this made sense
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rise-my-angel · 2 years
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why do you think you're blacklisted?? your writing is frcking INCREDIBLE 🥺🥺🥺 pls pls don't give up!!!
i just know the difference between regular lack of interaction and purposeful exclusion and i fall into the later. i have a suspicion as to why but im not considered a friend so it doesn't really matter shat i feel about it. i guess it just upsets me personally when its my biggest passion that no one cares to say a word about
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neil-gaiman · 5 months
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Hi Neil.
I know you are flooded with asks and this somehow became extremely long. Too long. “Why am I suddenly telling this poor man my life story?” too long. “I think I’d rather he work on the GO3 script than read this wild beast” too long. “He’s going to think you’re criminally dangerously insane” too long. If you never get to it, I’m good with never seeing a response from you. Maybe it’s better that way? Maybe an anon would have been nice here. But, it’s 2024, so I say “we ball.” It’s a privilege to be able to send this to you at all. You get a lot to this effect and I hope they give you good feels, so maybe what’s the harm, yeah? Because this is not an ask. This is a thank you letter.
First, thanks for reblogging my therapist post, I hope it amused you. I nearly sent you “How am i supposed to explain this to my therapist?!” But refrained. At that time.
So, therapy. What is therapy really? Well…
Things have been really rotten for as long as I can remember. Bad health, bad doctors, bad relationships, bad coping mechanisms, bad all kinds of things. (Yeah, bad is a weak and unhelpful word, my therapist reminds me, but we’re doing this.)
Well, things got even more really really rotten and BAD these last few years. Health declined further, coping mechanisms declined further and more intensely, packed up my life, applied for disability, moved back in with my parents across the country.
Then 4 years ago last week I watched my fiance die of a sudden heart attack. I was 29. Two years later my best friend died. Then last summer I sauntered vaguely into a cancer scare. Not long before an operation my cat who has been my companion through so much garbage died as well. I’m not entirely in the clear on the cancer scare front. All my attempts at going back to work, volunteering, going to grad school - they collapsed on me because I couldn’t get through this STUFF.
(Sometimes when I talk about this, when I tell people, I think “they are going to think you are a raging pathological liar.” Because I’m not sure I would believe someone if they told me all of this happened to them. In such a short time period. All before they were 35. And hell if that hasn’t been isolating. You know how it sounds? Lonely. And it is.)
I did the hypervigilant and sensation/experience chasing stage of PTSD. It got me in a lot of trouble in all kinds of ways. I had to do a lot of medical and psych advocating because things kept getting worse. That was exhausting. Then that peaked. I went into the thick of the “I feel absolutely nothing” stage for a long time. I didn’t feel fatigue or hunger or thirst. Not people, feelings, a reason. Not hope.
But of course, like seems be for a lot of us, I somehow found Good Omens at just the right time. I was a very “I’m so cool and intellectual I mostly consume non-fiction media” person for too long. Like, what? How is that even a real thing? And it wasn’t real. It was just part of this curated autism mask that I don’t think anyone really bought anyway.
I think I got to a point where I’d just had too much reality. I needed fantasy. I didn’t realize I always needed it. But I denied myself for too many odd and painful reasons. Maybe I thought it was an escape I didn’t deserve.
But as it turns out, it wasn’t an escape. I watched both seasons last fall, and then this light came on. I watched it again and again.
I came to tumblr because I needed more. I found this fandom. I stepped into this beautiful world of fanart and fanfiction and brain flexing meta writing and a sense of community and wonder that you and Terry created - that everyone involved in the show inflated - exploded in the right way - like fireworks if fireworks were some kind of autocatalytic reaction - a self perpetuating force.
It’s not a “saved my life” feeling. Not a “getting my life back” feeling. It’s been a “maybe it’s time for you to have the life you’ve always been denied - that you’ve denied yourself” feeling.
I’m creating. I’m not “great” yet. Not terribly “good” at all. Maybe “behind” as far as the “proper” timeline for starting. I know there isn’t one, not really, but boy does that society machine make ya feel like there is. And sure, I started and stopped a lot in the past. But the second it got hard I always gave up. I felt like if I didn’t get it “right” to begin with, then I just didn’t have it in me at all. But for once I’m really in it. I’m writing and trying to draw things that look less like fever dream five year old drawings. (Not that there’s anything wrong with those, is there? 🙃) I’m eating better. I’m sleeping better. I reach out to old friends more. I’ve made new friends who share this love of Good Omens.
My therapist has been floored by the change in me. After that first funny mini flop, he has been so encouraging about it. I saw him this week and I said “Maybe this is helping me get prepared to start living again. Maybe it’s a springboard.” And he honest to god said “But You ARE living. This is YOU LIVING. Why does it have to be a springboard? Why do you have to turn this into ‘work?’ Just let yourself have this for once in your life.”
But there were two more added elements that made it all work. And I can’t help but think this whole brainrot thing wouldn’t have happened without them. So many things just happened all at just the right time - a proper coincidence.
In all of the madness of the last few years I finally got the memo that I'm autistic. i figured I was for a while. But it finally sunk in for me and my docs and my people. So I’d been working on unpacking that. Grieving the life that could have been entirely different, shedding the mask. I let myself hyperfixate openly instead of hiding it and hating myself for “spiralling” or “obsessing” like others -!like ‘I’ always punished myself for before we knew that it was a trait and not a personality flaw.
Then over the last few months my therapist and I started trying this new exercise. One session he stopped me and said “in the last 20 minutes you have responded to what I’ve said with 9 ‘I knows.’” My response to that? “Ugh, I know.” So we started this “I know” swear jar type situation. Really, I’ve been afraid of not knowing. I couldn’t let myself “not know.” Because it meant I was “dumb.” I was just drowning for so long in guilt and self loathing for the “I knew better and screwed up anyway.” Or “I should’ve known better - I should know that by now.”
As it turns out, there’s a lot of things I don’t know. That I didn’t know. Things I will never know. And refusing to admit all of that kept me from learning a damn thing. Kept me from asking questions. Kept me from trying new things because it was scary to do something new - something unknown - and I "knew" how it would all turn out anyway. Kept me from connecting with people because it was painful or embarrassing when they knew things I didn’t and it seemed like I already should have. Kept me from getting better at making art, music, writing. Kept me from forgiving myself. Kept me from growing. And kept me from moving forward. Maybe not on. I don’t know if we ever “move on” from things. But we can move forward as we carry them. And as we do, the weight gets less. We’re able to carry it better. But only if we can admit that we don’t know how. Only if we don’t treat ourselves like this is something we do know or should know and we’re just failing because we’re less than. Not good enough. Not strong enough. Not deserving. We have to be able to say “I don’t know how to do this.” And then we can start looking for the answers. We can ask. We can learn.
I thought about the apple. Being able to tell the difference between good and evil. Aziraphale’s years and years of watching what he “knows” to be true be proven wrong. Crowley’s need to ask questions…
The simple and enormous gift of “Knowledge.” The “Knowledge” of the difference between Good and Evil. The “Knowledge” that can only be gained by realizing, accepting, admitting that there are things we don’t know. Asking the questions. Sometimes we get answers we don’t like. Sometimes the consequences of asking hurt us. And unless you want to stay in that painful place that painful knowledge got you, well, you’ve got to let yourself learn how to get out.
So all of this good? I never expected this. I never thought I deserved it. Joy and belonging and this sense that “Yeah, maybe things can get better. Maybe things can be good.” Because I said those things, not truly believing them, to the people I thought needed to hear it. But it couldn’t save them. It was hollow. The proof for us wasn’t really in our orbit or on our radar at the time. And now they’re gone.
People always say “it’s never too late.”
One of the people I lost said “it’s later than you think.”
I jokingly would respond “it’s already too late.”
It was for him in the end. For them. For some people I guess it really is. But maybe a lot of the “too late” people are there because they think “they know” that things will never be good for them. So they stop looking, they stop asking, stop finding. And eventually they just stop.
Then there came Crowley’s “It’s always too late.” The first time I heard it I thought “For sure, Crowley-cakes, I KNOW.”
But then…I just needed to rewatch the whole thing. And lines like that…familiar things…familiar themes…I was suddenly identifying with these characters. I suddenly saw myself. And the realization hit - I connected with something! Something new. And I FELT THAT. And that tiny little crack that made in the wall was just enough to start breaking it down. Yeah, when you start letting yourself feel after not feeling for so long, opening up to the good feelings means opening up to feelings and then the bad ones come out too. But when there IS good … it helps you balance. You can deal with the bad a little better because you’ve got the good thing to lean against when it gets too much. And now you’ve got feelings. You’ve got good and bad. You’ve got sticky foggy grey. You’ve got life.
Whew.
So, TLDR, thank you. From the bottom of my slowly healing heart, thank you.
And to sign off with some shits and giggles… I couldn’t find this in existence as a sticker so I had to custom order. Perhaps this will spread misery and panic among the humans of my city - or at least a malignant and creepy sense of unease.
Or maybe they’ll say “wtf” and go home and google it and they’ll fall into the Good Omens hole they never knew they needed too.
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Thank you for this. I never quite know what to say to messages like this apart from I am really glad that it helps. (It becomes the weird extra piece that I worry about when writing season 3 -- hoping that it will be that thing again. Not just a story, but something that helps people feel and helps with healing and helps with love.)
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youryanderedaddy · 3 months
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tw: gn reader, non - con, kidnapping (hinted)
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He's awfully gentle - and perhaps that's what you hate about him the most. The way your tears reduce him to a shell of a man, the way he holds you tenderly, like glass about to shatter from the wind. The way he looks at you - like you're the only person in his small grey world that's made of moving, breathing flesh and fragile breakable bones and splash of incoherent colour all over your cheeks. The way his irises move with feral speed when the ring on your sharp, barking laugh fills the stuffy mold - infested air with life, and his heart all but throbs out of his chest when you push him away.
He holds you at night through the nightmares and the screams, refusing to let go as you fight with all your might to break free, but it's pointless. He knows you - he's studied you, every creek and curve, every dream and fright, every single thing that makes your being tick and purr and surrender. He speaks your language, despite your best efforts to remain hidden, to remain a mystery, he's managed to slice through the protective shield of your psyche, of your most intimate fears, and he's made himself at home in your arms.
It's odd - perverse even, you realize in rare moments of rationale, how used you are now to waking up with his warmth inside of you, nested neatly between your folds; whispering soft little nothings in your flushed ear. Keeping you at the realm between sweet dreams and bitter reality, making you question every fluttering touch, every butterfly kiss against your throat. You're not sure what's real anymore, hot, throbbing pressure pulsating in the middle of your core, the honey nectar dripping down your thighs, back arching in a pleasure - fueled spasm so erratic you're left breathless. Overwhelmed by ecstasy, followed by guilt - ridden shame in a ruthless cycle you have no hope of escaping anymore.
To think it used to be different all those months ago when he first took you in. You would scratch and bite, kicking at will - acting as crazy as possible in hopes he'd find you too difficult to keep. But alas, his gaze never hardened, lips mouthing words of adoration in respond to your countless insults.
"I hate you. I fucking hate you, y-you - you maniac!" You'd hiss through clenched teeth, sweat forming under your brows as your whole body stiffened before his naked figure hovering over you, strong muscled arms keeping you close to his chest in an awkward mockery of a hug.
"Shh, I know you're scared, my love." He'd caress your hair softly, running his fingers through your wet messy locks, cooing as if you're a cornered animal. "I know you're frightened, but I am not going to hurt you, precious. I love you more than you could possibly imagine. You don't know how long I've dreamt of embracing you." He'd press hot, feverish kisses down your collarbone, stroking your numb fingers until you eventually unclenched your fists. "Just like that, you're doing so good for me, angel, so fucking beatiful for me, just lay back and let me show how much I adore you."
You'd relax your hips slowly, keeping your eyes fixed to the ceiling - yielding to the inevitable, yet making a last pitiful attempt to hide the growing heat between your legs.
"You're so perfect, angel." He'd say, slowly undressing you. "I need to feel you against me. I hope you can forgive me one day - but here, before you, I am just a man. Without you my life would lose all meaning, I can't let you go. Forgive me. Love me, please."
And somehow deep within your heart, you wonder if you truly can.
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Hello,
could you write a Hannibal fanfic, where the reader is Will‘s student ( very protective of her) and Hannibal takes a interest in her, after psych. evaluation? He starts wooing her over and Will (platonic) doesn‘t like it at all. In the end there is smut between the reader and Hannibal after a dinner party ?(Maybe Will later here‘s from Crawford about it, because Crawford went to Hannibal‘s house to get him for a case)
Hannibal x Reader: Off limits
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Warnings: smut, kissing, patient x therapist, fingering, pet names, cowgirl, ridding, penetration ( p in v), no use of y/n, female reader
Words count: 4,6K (dear lord 🙃)
“I don’t know if this is a good idea Will.”
“Why not?”
“Talking to your psychiatrist about my shit? Don’t you think that crossing some kind of boundary?”
“First he's not my physiatrist, not officially anyway. And secondly I would say drinking at my house crosses more boundaries than this. That didn’t stop you though right?”
“Yeah I guess you’re right.”
“Plus you need this. Talking to someone about stuff helps.”
“Fine. You’re sure he’s okay with it right?”
A week ago Will had mentioned you to Hannibal for the first time since he’d started having his sessions. The conversation had begun because Hannibal had asked him if he had anyone in his corner that he could trust. Will had immediately thought of you. Despite being his student you had helped him through a lot of stuff and pretty soon he considered you more of a friend then a student. He worried people would accuse him of favoritism but you were one smart cookie so he didn’t really have to worry about that. You knew your shit. No one could deny that. Of course Will also worried about people spreading rumors that you were sleeping with him but when he’d shared his concerns with you you’d just shrugged. 
“People are gonna say shit about us anyway Will. I’m not gonna cut our friendship because of what some idiots say about us.”
He’d known he could count on you for anything but he could tell you were dealing with a lot more shit then you’d let on.  It was one of the reasons why he’d told Hannibal about you. Will wondered if maybe talking with someone you knew he trusted would put your mind at ease. So here the two of you were standing in front of Hannibal's office door. You fiddle with your fingers trying your best to call your racing mind. Will notices your fidgeting causing him to grab onto your hand. You look up at him with a small smile which he returns. You hear the door open making your head snap to look at it.
Hannibal takes in the sight before him, his eyes catching on the way Wills hand is latched onto yours. He forces his gaze to move back up to your face. His eyes soften a bit at the sight of you. You have a sort of deer in headlights look in your eyes and Hannibal can’t help but feel a bit of pity. From what Will had told him you weren’t super into the whole therapy thing but you’d accepted to talk to him because Will thought it would help. Still from the look in your eyes Hannibal could tell you were hesitant. He would have to convince you that you could trust him. 
Dr. Lecter gave you a welcoming smile before stepping to the side and gesturing for you to enter. You looked at Will for a moment, a twinge of fear present on your features. Will simply gave your hand a squeeze before letting it go.
“It'll be alright. Dr. Lecter will take care of you. I’ll be here waiting for you.”
“You aren’t going to come in?”
“I’ve found that the session works best if it's just the two of us.”
You glanced at Hannibal as he spoke, trying to make up your mind about him. He placed his palm out to you, inviting you to take his hand. After a moment of hesitation you accepted his invitation, taking his hand in yours and allowing him to guide you inside. He released your palm once you were inside, turning to close the door behind you.
You watched as Will's face slowly became out of view, his boyish smile no longer able to be seen. You turned around, taking in your surroundings. You’d never done this before so you didn’t really know how it worked. Should you sit down? Or were you supposed to lay down like they showed in the movies? 
Luckily for you Hannibal seemed to sense your confusion. He made his way to his chair, taking a seat before gesturing to the empty seat before him. 
“Please make yourself comfortable.”
You did as he asked, making your way over to the chair. You moved a bit trying to find a comfortable position. Hannibal watched you squirm a bit, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. You were quite a sight. Will seemed to have forgotten to mention that. Not that that bothered Hannibal. In fact he welcomed the surprise.
Once you were satisfied with your position you stopped fidgeting and raised your gaze to look at Hannibal. For the first time you saw him. Really saw him. He was oddly attractive with a sort of Victorian beauty. You weren’t used to guys like that. In the FBI most of the guys were covered in scars and built like monster trucks. They needed to look tough, even if they weren’t. That was just part of the job. 
But the man before you was nothing like that. With his tailored suit and perfectly combed hair he looked like a man of great importance. The sort of guy you’d call when you needed tickets into some sort of high society party. And yet he had this sort of energy to him that made you feel he wasn’t as innocent as he seemed. If anything his looks hid behind them a sort of unfiltered violence. But somehow you didn’t fear him. In fact you found yourself suddenly intrigued by a man you’d only exchanged less than a few words with. 
That was about to change however. Because the moment Hannibal started talking to you it seemed like everything you’d been holding in for years just started to spill out. You told him about how you were treated in the FBI, about how no one thought you had it in you to deal with this kind of stuff. You told him about your home life and your relationship with your family. Your deepest thoughts spilled onto the floor of Hannibal's office and he didn’t seem to mind. He listened to you with so much attention and understanding that it shocked you a bit. By the end of the session you felt like someone had taken the weight of your shoulders. 
Will watched you come out of the room, the sound of your laugh filling his ears as you and Hannibal finished talking. A sudden wave of anger filled Will's chest. What had Hannibal said to make you laugh in such an unfiltered manner? The thing about Will was that he was very protective of you. He saw you like a little sister so he couldn’t help but become on edge when in the span of one hour Hannibal had managed to strip away any hesitancy you had entered the session with. He was glad you seemed lighter but he also knew Hannibal and he couldn’t help but worry about his intentions with you. 
“I’ll see you next week Dr. Lecter.”
“Just Hannibal is fine dear. There’s no need for these pleasantries.”
“Okay then Hannibal. Same time next week?”
“See you then dear. It was nice seeing you Will.”
Will rose from his seat giving Hannibal one final glance before making his way to you. He placed his hand on your back guiding you towards the door. Hannibal didn't miss the way Will looked at him, but the thought disappeared when he saw the smile you gave him before you left. There was no denying it now. Hannibal found himself very interested in you. If there was something about Hannibal it was that he got what he wanted. And right now what he wanted was you.
You continued to have your sessions with Hannibal. Sometimes you’d talk about the FBI and your studies. Other times you’d talk of your dreams of the future. And then there were days where you felt like you had nothing to say so you’d convince Hannibal to tell you about himself. You’d begun to enjoy your sessions. The closer the day came the more anxious you became. You found yourself contemplating what to wear to therapy. Even though you knew your feelings weren’t exactly “professional” you couldn’t get yourself to care. You’d often catch Hannibal looking at you in ways that didn’t scream professionalism. The more you talked to him the more you felt like you were becoming friends and then one day Hannibal decided to make up his mind.
You were walking around the room, a habit you’d developed during your sessions. Hannibal watched you move around the room, his eyes following the sway of your hips. You had been talking about Will and Hannibal couldn’t  seem to hold his tongue any longer.
“Are you interested in Will Graham?  Romantically I mean.”
“What? No way! I mean Will is great and all but I see him more like an older brother then anything. He’s been there for me you know?”
You turned to look at Hannibal, your eyes finding him. He stared up at you with a blank look.
“Why do you ask?”
“Oh you just talk alot about him is all.”
“Oh come on Hannibal. Talking about someone a lot doesn’t mean you like them. You of all people should know that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you talk about Dr Bloom a lot but you’re not….interested in her.”
Hannibal watched your brows furrow for a moment, your gaze suddenly glued to the ground. 
“Unless you are and I've just read it completely wrong.”
You tried to keep your voice steady and impassive but Hannibal could see the slight disappointment in your tone. He called out your name forcing you to return your gaze to him. You glanced down at him in curiosity. 
“You are right. Talking about someone doesn't mean you like them.”
You held your breath for a moment awaiting for the verbal confirmation of what you already imagined. 
“I am not romantically interested in Dr. Bloom. I merely respect her as a professional.”
You let out a small sigh, trying your hardest to not show the joy you felt. Hannibal rose from his seat making his way to his desk. You watched him open one of the drawers grabbing a piece of paper. He made his way back to you standing mere inches from you. You looked at the piece of paper in his hand before grabbing it. Your eyes ran over the words scrawled out in his handwriting.
“What’s this?”
“An invitation. I’m having a dinner party on Saturday and I'd love for you to come.”
Will had told you about Hannibal's dinner parties and his custom of inviting people over for dinner but you never imagined you’d be one of these lucky few. A smile tugged at the corner of your mouth. You looked up at Hannibal catching the way his eyes narrowed in on your lips. 
“Thank you. I’ll be there.”
“Wonderful. It seems our time is up. I’ll see you at the party then.”
He walked you over to the door opening it for you. You nodded your head in thanks, making your way out. Just as Hannibal was about to close the door you spun around.
“Oh um… I've never been to a dinner party. What should I wear?”
It seemed like a silly question but you wanted to fit in with Hannibal's friends. You wanted to show him you could keep up with him. Hannibal looked at you for a moment before speaking.
“Wear whatever you feel like dear. I’m sure you’ll look beautiful in anything you choose. Your presence is the only thing that matters to me.”
Your heart almost stopped at Hannibal's words. It's had been a while since someone had given you such an unfiltered and direct compliment. You were a bit taken aback. In a good way of course.
Hannibal had just revealed to you, in a short amount of words, that he found you beautiful in any way and that he enjoyed being around you. Your mouth was dry as you tried to force yourself to speak. You managed to make your brain work enough to squeak out a small ‘Thank you until Saturday’ before racing to your car. 
When Saturday finally came you were practically buzzing with anxiety. You’d tried on three different outfits and settled on one you thought fit in with a dinner party, something stylish but not too flashy. The whole drive over to Hannibal's house you couldn’t seem to calm the hammering of your heart. You tried blasting music to calm yourself but it didn’t work. Fortunately your brain seemed to go into automatic mode because before you knew it you were parking in front of Hannibal's home. You stared at the house from the car window, noticing the lights peeking through the curtains. You took a deep breath in trying to dull the anxiousness you felt.
“He invited you. He wants you here. There is nothing to worry about.”
You stepped out of the car making your way to the door. You thought of knocking for a moment but you doubted he’d be able to hear it over the classical music that seeps through the door. Your finger moved to ring the doorbell, heels tapping the ground as you waited. You turned around talking in the rest of the houses on the street. 
Hannibal made his way to the door tugging it open. He didn’t know who to expect, he’d invited quite a lot of people and many of them still hadn’t arrived. All thoughts seemed to leave his mind when his eyes caught onto your frame. You had your back turned to him, the backless dress you’d decided to wear allowing him to see your bare skin. He stared at you for a moment opting to bask in your beauty before calling your attention. 
You spun on your heels as the music suddenly grew louder, eyes falling on hannibal. He was wearing a suit like he always was but you could tell this one was special. You were suddenly relieved by your choice of clothing. 
“Good evening dear.”
“Hi.”
“You look exquisite. But then again I knew you would. Please come on in.”
You took a cautious step forward entering his home. Hannibal closed the door behind you. 
“Come there are some people I want you to meet.”
He placed his palm on your back guiding you around the room. You were used to Will doing that when he was around you but it felt different with Hannibal. There was something arousing about the feeling of his bare skin on yours. You welcomed the feeling, moving across the room full of people with ease. Hannibal didn’t leave your side the entire party. Whenever he needed to do something he’d ofer his forearm to you, a silent request for you to join him. You laughed along with his friends and filled yourself up with the vast variety of food Hannibal had prepared. 
As the night went on people began to leave. They’d thank Hannibal for the invitation and go on their way. Oftentimes they’d thank you for hosting as well and you simply didn’t have it in you to correct them. You understood that the way you behaved with Hannibal made it seem like you were an item and even though you knew it was wrong you felt a thrill at the thought.
You finished saying goodbye to the last few people left at the party, closing the door behind you. Once you made sure it was locked you made your way over to the kitchen. Hannibal stood before the counter, his hands working on drying a glass of wine. His head snapped up at the sound of your heels against the floor. You smiled at him, making your way to where he was. 
“Need help?”
“No that's alright. There are only a few left.”
“Okay”
You turned to look at the clock seeing the time.
“It’s already that late? I should probably get going.”
You didn’t want to leave but you knew better than to overstep. Hannibal hadn't invited you to stay over. He'd invited you to the dinner party and that had already ended. Hannibal placed the glass in the cupboard before turning to look at you.
“Don’t go yet. There is something I want to show you.”
“Oh okay.”
“Go wait in the living room, I'll be there in a bit.”
You made your way over to the living room. Your feet were starting to hurt so you decided to take off your heels, leaving them by the couch. You walked around the room, making your way over to an odd looking instrument. You sat down on the bench in front of it, eyes moving over the instrument as you tried to understand what it was. 
“It’s a theremin.”
Your head snapped over to where Hannibal stood. He had removed his vest and suit jacket leaving him in only his dress shirt. 
“How do you play it?”
Hannibal made his way to you. You looked up at him when he stopped next to were you sat.
“May i?”
“Yeah of course.”
Hannibal moved to sit behind you. You sucked in a breath at the feeling of his chest against your back.
“It’s a difficult instrument. You must find the right pitch.”
You watched Hannibal move his hand over the empty air, a small gasp leaving your lips as sound began to come out of the instrument. Hannibal turned to look at you. His heart warmed at the smile that had spread over your face. 
“Would you like to try?”
“Oh sure.”
“Give me your hand.”
You lifted your arm allowing Hannibal to grasp your hand in his own.
“Relax your fingers. And try to keep your hand steady.”
You were finding it rather difficult to stop shaking due to the closeness you had to Hannibal. Every time he spoke you could feel his hot breath on your neck and your mind couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have his lips on your skin. Hannibal guided you hand with his. Sound filled the room once more but it wasn’t as nice sounding as when Hannibal had played himself.
“This is hard.”
“It is. The theremin requires a lot of practice. You have to be good with your hands.”
You wondered if he’d meant the innuendo or if he was simply talking and your diary mind had understood something else but you weren't about to waste your opportunity.
“You must have quite skilled hands then Hannibal.”
“I haven’t had any complaints yet.”
A small whine escaped your mouth, immediately followed by a pathetic sigh of Hannibal's name. HIs hand had found its way to your thigh, fingers drawing small shapes on the skin. Instinctively your body relaxed into his frame, your back pressing up against his chest. Hannibal's hand continued to travel down your thigh moving closer and closer to where you wanted him most. His lips found their way to your neck placing kisses to the skin. Your head moved to the side, offering up more of your neck up to him. He sucked a hickey onto you, marking you as his. 
“The body is a lot like a theremin.”
Your body jolted forward as his fingers found their way to your pussy. He reached into your underwear, slender fingers moving against your folds. You reached for his thigh hands wrapping around it in desperation. 
“You just have to find the right pitch to make someone-” 
A moan ripped through your body as he entered his fingers into you. 
“Sing.”
Your legs widened, allowing Hannibal to move with more freedom. His fingers moved into you at a slow pace. If it weren't for the pleasure he was bringing you you would almost think he was trying to torture you. Your free hand found its way to his cheek forcing him to turn to look at you. You place your forehead against his, panting as his thumb found your clit.
Hannibal watched your brows furrow as your eyes rolled back in your head for a second, your mouth falling open in a silent moan. He adored you like this. Completely wrapped around his finger.  Your nose bumped against his as you moved to kiss him. His lips welcomed you with ease, mouth opening to let your tongue in. Your muscle moved against his as he continued to pleasure you with his hands. You disconnected your lips from Hannibal, a small string of spit continuing to connect him to you. You were starting to get closer to your orgasm and Hannibal could tell. Your hand latched onto his shoulder, nails digging into the skin beneath his shirt. He kept his face close to yours as he continued to work on making you cum. Your breath fanned over his nose as you struggled to keep your eyes open. Your hips bucked up into Hannibal's hand searching for the last bit of friction you needed. With a skilled move of his thumb over your clit Hannibal had you cumming on his fingers. Your body spasmed against him, head falling onto his shoulder as white flashed over your vision.  
Hannibal watches your chest rise and fall rapidly as you float back to consciousness. He removes his fingers from your pussy guiding them to your lips. You open your mouth to him, sucking on his digits eagerly. Your eyes snapped open as he removed his fingers from your mouth, placing them inside his own for a moment before releasing them with a pop. You look at him dumbly, your mind completely fogged from your orgasm. Hannibal guides his hand to wrap around your face. You allow him to crash his lips onto yours, your body molding into him once again. It's then that you feel the hardness of him against you.
The feeling of his arousal sends a shock wave into your body making you come back to reality completely. You break the kiss, maneuvering your body so that you're facing Hannibal. You lift your body placing your thighs against his, forcing him to close his legs. You gaze down at him as you move to straddle him, your hand moving to his zipper. Hannibal continues to look up at you as you relive his dick of its confines. A pleased sound makes its way out of your throat at the sight of him. Your free hand moves to your pussy, tugging your soaked underwear to the side. You inch yourself down onto Hannibal's dick, watching his face scrunch up at the feeling of you.  His hands find your hips, his impatience causing him to tug you down onto his dick in one go. You gasp at the stretch hands moving to grasp onto his shoulders. 
“Fuck hannibal.”
“Feel so good dear. So perfect around me.”
You lift your hips slowly before bringing them back down. You try to start off slow but pretty soon your desperation gets a hold of you. Your hands move to Hannibal's neck, arms wrapping around him. Hannibal presses his face against your chest, his own arms moving to wrap around you. His hips move up, fucking into you. You try to help him as best you can but your thighs are already starting to hurt from being in this position too long. It doesn't seem like Hannibal minds though. In fact once he notices you’re giving your body up to him he seems to find some super strength because before you know it he’s ramming into you.
Your body bounces against his as he guides you up and down on his dick. You release his neck moving your hands to rest on his thighs. The new angle allows him to move against you with more ease causing him to speed up. Before you can even tell him you’re close you’re already gushing around him. Hannibal grunts as his cum paints your walls, his hand moving to rest against your chest. Your fingers move over his hair as he regains his breath, face still pressed against you. 
Hannibal lifts his head allowing him to look at you. You have lipstick smeared all over your face and your hair is all tangled but your face holds a look of pure unfiltered joy. Hannibal grins up at you, his hands moving to cup your cheek before pulling you into a tender kiss. You let out a satisfied hum against his lips. He breaks the kiss, his forehead resting against yours.
“Sleep here tonight.”
“Okay.”
You wake the next morning to the sound of the door bell. You groan, lifting your head from Hannibal's neck to look at the time.
“Who the hell is at your house this early on a sunday?”
“Shh go back to bed. They’ll leave soon.”
You snuggle back into Hannibal  allowing him to tug you closer. Sleep starts to take over your mind just as the doorbell rings again causing you to let out another groan. 
“I should see who it is.”
“Yeah and tell them to fuck of while you’re at it.”
Hannibal chuckles at your words, kissing your cheek before moving to get out of bed. You lift yourself up wrapping the sheets around your bare body as you watch Hannibal tug a sweater over his head. 
“Stay there dear. I’ll be right back.”
You nod at him watching him leave the room. He left the bedroom door open allowing you to hear him open the door.
“Jack, what are you doing here?”
Oh shit. 
You scramble out of bed tugging on one of Hannibal's sweaters before searching the ground for your underwear. You almost fall over as you try to put it on but you manage to do so without causing an accident. You pad through the house barefoot making your way to the front door. 
“Good morning. Sorry to wake you up so early but we have a case that we need help with. Will said you-”
Jack's eyes caught sight of you standing in the corner. Hannibal seemed to notice the shift in Jack's attention causing him to look in the direction he was staring at. Hannibal's eyes fell on your frame observing the way his sweater looked on you. You looked at him, your hands fiddling with each other. 
“Is everything okay?”
Hannibal stuck his hand out to you inviting you to come over. You made your way to them allowing Hannibal to pull to him. He placed a kiss on your temple.
“Hi Jack.”
“Hello rookie. I didn’t know you knew Hannibal.”
“Will introduced us.”
“He knows you’re here?”
“No. Why?”
“He called me yesterday. Said you weren’t home. And that you didn’t pick up your phone.”
“Is that why you came?”
“Oh no. We have a murder we need Hannibal to help with.”
“Okay. I’ll come too.”
Jack gave you a look of surprise. 
“You aren’t ready for the field, rookie.”
“And Will is?”
Jack opened his mouth to counter you but he knew better. He knew you were close with Will so he knew that Will had told him of all the shit he'd been through because of the FBI. Plus he knew you were famous for your stubbornness and he really didn’t feel like dealing with it right now.
“Fine. Go get ready. Both of you.”
With that Jack exited the house moving to grab his phone out of his pocket. He dialed Will's number. The phone rang twice before he picked up.
“I got Hannibal. We are going to the crime scene now.”
“Okay i’ll be there in a few.”
“Oh and I found your friend. You’ll never guess where.”
Will didn’t even need Jack to finish his phrase to know where you were. Anger bubbled into his body again. He’d have to have a talk with Hannibal about professional boundaries.
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twilightcitysky · 1 year
Text
Everything Is Meant (long S2 analysis, part 3)
Part one
Part two
There's SO MUCH excellent meta out there right now, and I'm going to try not to reinvent the wheel too much, but I want to keep going with tying the episodes/ elements up together because on first watch it wasn't entirely clear how everything fit. I also strongly recommend a rewatch, no matter what you felt about the ending... if you need to stop it 10 minutes early, do that, but you pick up so much more the second time around.
So: Maggie and Nina. I spent most of my first watch wondering why we were bothering with them, honestly. Later in the season Nina, and then Maggie and Nina, gave Crowley some insightful advice, but their actual relationship didn't progress despite all the meddling, and the amount of emotional investment BOTH Aziraphale and Crowley had in making them get together was frankly strange.
I started thinking in terms of mirror couples, since that was such a big deal in S1 and that's clearly what they were set up to be, but I made the mistake that all of us made on first watch: that Nina was Crowley and Maggie was Aziraphale. It still wasn't really coming together.
Then I put the psych hat back on and started to think about displacement. Displacement is a defense mechanism, and it consists of satisfying an impulse (usually an unconscious one) with a substitute object. At the beginning of the season, Aziraphale and Crowley aren't really in a good place, and I think on some level they know that. Aziraphale is trying to SHOW Crowley that he wants to take the next step through all the casual touches and phone calls and inviting him in, and feeling frustrated because Crowley doesn't seem to be taking the bait. (I absolutely think that Aziraphale tried to get Crowley to stay with him at the bookshop instead of living in his CAR, and Crowley said no. That's a whole other meta.) Meanwhile, Crowley, I think, is waiting for a Grand Gesture. Where did he go, as soon as Aziraphale brought up trying to get two humans to fall in love? Romantic tropes. Getting caught in the rain under an awning. A dramatic kiss that opens someone's eyes. That's the sort of thing he's always done, right? Big rescues, impassioned pleas on the street, fancy dinners, "give you a lift anywhere you want to go". He's defensive and guarded and unlikely to let someone in unless he's CERTAIN he won't be rejected, and Aziraphale's approaches are just too... quiet. No one's fault, they just don't speak the same language.
Then, they're handed the opportunity to make two humans fall in love, and they're both All In immediately. Look at Crowley's face when he summons the rainstorm. This is HUGE for him. Why? Because of displacement. Look at Aziraphale arranging the ball and being borderline deranged about it. They're both desperate to demonstrate what they think it takes for two people to move past their misunderstandings and fall in love. They can't do it for each other because the stakes are too high, and if either of them shows their cards unequivocally the vulnerability feels life-shattering. They're codependent and terrified of rejection and also, importantly, have no idea what they're doing when it comes to love. "Saw it in a film", Crowley says. Aziraphale's read about it in books. But they have zero practical experience.
Instead of learning to communicate, they try to say what they want to say through the medium of Maggie and Nina, up to and including the questionable moral decision to exert control over people's actions and thoughts during the ball. If I can just make this come out right, they both think, then things between us will be alright too. It HAS to come out right. They're attempting to gain some control over their own lives, over something that feels so overwhelming and shattering they can't look directly at it.
It doesn't come out right. Nina's relationship falls apart, but that doesn't mean she's in love with Maggie. While Crowley's stress-cleaning the bookshop to the music that played when Aziraphale got his books back in 1941 (just fuck me up David Arnold), they come in and tell him so. "I don't understand", says Crowley. Because it should have worked. Why didn't it work?
They tell him, of course. "You need to talk to each other. Say what you're really thinking." But here's the thing about communication: you have to learn it. You need to get the hang of expressing your feelings without blaming your partner, and separating intent from impact, and staying away from getting defensive and lashing out. No one has ever taught Aziraphale and Crowley how to do this. It's like Maggie and Nina put Crowley in front of a loom and asked him to recreate the Bayeux Tapestry. He doesn't have the skills; he's always going to get it wrong, even if he tries his hardest.
And he does try. But that's where Maggie and Nina the mirror couple, rather than Maggie and Nina the displacement relationship or Maggie and Nina the Greek chorus, come in. Aziraphale, as Nina, has just ended an incredibly toxic, invasive relationship with Heaven. A relationship that invaded every facet of his life, isolated him, and prevented him from being close to anyone else. "Rebound mess," Nina says. Aziraphale is a rebound mess. He's transferred the responsibility for his emotional wellness to Crowley. Crowley is the person he calls when he's in trouble, or (and this is key) when he wants to report a clever/ good thing he's done, or when he's bored. (At no point did Crowley reference Aziraphale calling him for a solicitous reason-- another problem.) Crowley is meant to take care of him. He forgets, I think, that Crowley is a person with his own wants and needs, just like Maggie and Nina are people with their own wants and needs who don't appreciate being messed with. (I think things would have been much different had Aziraphale BEEN THERE for Maggie and Nina's talk with Crowley, but he wasn't.)
And Maggie-as-Crowley? Lonely. Behind on rent, at risk of being evicted (it's important to note that Aziraphale saves Maggie from losing her record shop, as he couldn't save Crowley from losing his flat). Pining. Awkward. Revolving around Nina like a planet, to the extent that we don't get much of an impression of her otherwise. They realize, there at the end, that they both need to round themselves out before jumping into a relationship. Aziraphale and Crowley need that too. They need to take time apart and learn to be healthy on their own. Unfortunately they don't have the skills to get to that conclusion in a healthy way, so it all explodes in their faces and everything falls apart.
Aziraphale tries to teach Nina and Maggie to dance as a substitute for communication. Nina and Maggie try to teach Crowley communication as a substitute for the dance they've been doing around each other. That's the reason they're a part of the plot: they exist to demonstrate the way Aziraphale and Crowley might have succeeded in forging a better dynamic. Sadly, the boys' dance is too practiced and they got sucked right back into it.
It's okay, I think, that Nina and Maggie's storyline never really went anywhere. It wasn't supposed to. It's an allegory, not something that needs to stand alone.
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