#I’ll probably delete this

[incognit0slut]

Should I apologize for making this? Should I take it down? What’s the verdict?

[daezedglownut]

Something that irks me and is ever present in fandom is the constant bi erasure. The vast majority will see male characters CANONICALLY lusting after female characters, and yet the second these same male characters can be considered “making eyes” at each other all I see is “GAY GAY GAY THEY ARE SO GAY 😩💕”

Like??? You’re not as progressive as you all think you are if your default setting when it comes to male characters is to blindly slap the gay label on them - again whilst patently ignoring their canonical attraction to ‘the fairer sex’ bc you find it inconvenient/unpalatable

[emma-needs-attention]

I feel like I have nobody I can talk to. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know if this it’s all in my head, I just know that a month ago I was feeling like I had some of the best friends I’d ever had and now I feel

[pepperonijem]

what happens when i fall in love with someone again and then they choose someone else again like how would i ever emotionally recover from that because i don’t even think ive recovered from the last time

[bugcowboyart]

Thinking about Abigail Pent who imagined Magnus’s son and how she’d raise him, and when she couldn’t conceive she accepted that it “wasn’t in the cards” and chose instead to protect two children of the fourth because she knew how hard it could be to represent the hopes and dreams of your entire house, and even in the river kept them far away from the fear and confusion of the Sleeper.

Then I start thinking about Palleamana Novenarius who also couldn’t conceive so she killed her whole house for the chance to raise a daughter, and shared her secrets to a little girl treading and choking on saltwater, raised that girl to hate another kid who had done nothing but be born, raised her in pain and shame and loneliness, and when she realized her baby had done the unthinkable tied a tiny noose for her.

Then I think about M— and the “maternity problem” or dozens of dead eggs Wake struggled to keep, “gravid birth” as a novelty on the sixth. and I think I’m going to be devastated when we finally find out the extent of the pain endured by the mothers of the nine houses for 10,000 years.

[isadora-greenhall]

God damn my mental health (depressed rant, negative self talk under read more)

Fucking had the biggest work week of my life so far, 7 shifts in 6 days. Went to the craft store on my way home this arvo to celebrate, and lost my fuckibg glasses didn’t i. I don’t even have the fuckin energy to phone the store and ask if they’re there. I’ve just gone to bed and lying here in tears cause my stupid fucking brain won’t work. Sick of it. I know the solution to this it’s so easy just phone them and if they’re there drive back and I just can’t. Thought I was doing better.

[reborrowing]

There’s been a couple posts about writing not getting enough engagement recently and it’s weird thinking about engagement and numbers here. at least by gt standards, I get a pretty decent number of notes on art and writing (less on writing of course) but not a lot of…interest? Like maybe it’s karma for never being the one to reach out first or I just don’t respond well. maybe my asocial and unapproachable vibe followed me online or maybe my stuff just flat isn’t interesting but I don’t really get a lot of feedback, especially anything specific. asks only really show up when I’ve posted an ask game fishing for them. I mostly get brief comments in the tags.

Which is fine, mostly. I make these things because i want to. Most of the value I get comes from creation, posting is secondary, and it’s really cool that other people do like some of my stuff! but it’s weird seeing people who generate conversations about their work upset about low notes.

[bougainvillea-and-saltwater]

When will I stop. haha. when will I stop being kind and giving to people who are literally shitty and two-faced towards me. is there a magic trick to return the slap and if yes, can I learn it somehow.

[vintage-brass-tc]

tw: suicide/vent talk

I’m not depressed or anything, nor am I suicidal, but every time there’s a long weekend or an extended period of time more than a day that I don’t have anything scheduled, I always feel this existential sense of dread and guilt. No matter how much I try, I really cannot place where it’s coming from.

I start getting really stressed and overwhelmed, isolate myself, stop talking, then either start crying or stare at the wall in a dark room, wondering why there’s a pit in my throat and stomach and what I did wrong to cause that, but I don’t know what the source of the problem is, so I don’t know how to fix it.

Then I begin to ask myself if the way I’ve been living is really worth it, and if I’m even significant to the people around me, and if should just give up. Give up band, give up school, give up everything I’ve been working for, so that I can’t stress out about anything. But I can’t do that. Then I’d be worth nothing.

I just start having a whole mental crisis, and I don’t know why, but I need a schedule to distract myself from my own thoughts so this stuff doesn’t start happening. When I actually have the time and silence to listen to my own train of thought, I get so worked up. Like the feeling that you have ten essays due in an hour and you haven’t written a lick of it. Even if I don’t have work, I always feel a pang of guilt and anger, like I’m mad at myself for not doing anything productive. Even if I do, it’s never usually enough.

I’ve never been able to relax in what feels like a very, very, very long time. I’m so afraid of screwing up my own life, so much so that, in this temporary moment of despair, I want to end it all and stop living it.

I can’t do this anymore

in moments like these I wonder what he would say. He doesn’t know that this happens to me, he’s only ever seen me when my mind is occupied. Would he worry or would he tell me to quit the band

am I even worth it to him

would he even care

The realistic part of my brain is like, obviously, people care about me and I’ve had an effect on many people I’ve met, and people like me and would probably miss me if I was gone. But during these times I just can’t hold on to that thought. I get too stressed out and worry about all of the bad

and the things I could do better

I hate this

I wish I was as happy as people always say I am

I usually am positive but

this hurts

I can’t do this anymore

[borf-borfs]

“I’ve got over my fear of men / seeing men as evil and it seems so ridiculous now haha!!!”

You know who doesn’t get to get over that? THE GIRLS WHO WERE TORTURED RAPED AND KILLED BY IRANIAN MORALITY POLICE. GET THAT INTO YOUR FUCKING HEAD. THEY RAPED 17 YEAR OLDS. CHILDREN. AS A METHOD OF TORTURE. THEY BEAT THEM. THEY PROBABLY LAUGHED. AND THEY THREW THEIR BODIES AWAY LIKE IT WAS FUCKING NOTHING. IM A HALF IRANIAN GIRL SAFE IN THE UK BUT THE IMAGE, THE FUCKING IDEA OF THOSE SADISTIC, EVIL, MURDERING, PEDOPHILE FUCKS ATTACKING YOUNG GIRLS AND WOMEN AND USING THEIR BODY AS A WEAPON FUCKING HAUNTS ME TO THE POINT OF BREAKDOWNS. SHUT YOUR FUCKING PRIVILIGED ASSES AND FACE FUCKING REALITY FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE BECAUSE THEY HAD TO . THEY HAD NO CHOICE.

[pa-stella]

I sometimes wonder how people can get a character so wrong. Like, are we looking at the same character? Are we reading the same story? Are we listening to the same drama tracks? OR have you just taken one (1) specific detail and made it their entire personality?

Yeah. Of course this is about Hitoya.

[strangetheedreamer]

.

jesus FUCK i’m gonna fucking chew glass. i am so tired of not being important enough to anyone for my feelings to fucking matter. like for ONCE id like to be taken into consideration, to not be an afterthought, to actually fucking matter to someone on more than a surface level. FUCK.

[deviousthing]

i knew this would happen again, eventually. i just hate i was right about how soon. and now i have to be back pretending everything is fine and prepare for my place back on a shelf.

[reyenii]

a) charles and edwin’s safe place is their office:

b) this scene was so domestic. charles is wearing his white tank top. edwin is wearing a shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the buttons on his top collar unbuttoned. he’s sitting on the couch in a comfortable pose.

c) but we don’t see anything like this when the boys are in port townsend. they "hide" behind their clothes almost all the time cause this is a new “place” for them which is not safe to be in

[notherpuppet]

Can we have a TIIIIINY spoiler

lol okay (I’m just gonna assume u mean my deer nanny?)

Honestly idk when i’ll articulate this short comic that takes place in the au. But it’s called “Bises”

[cat-of-starlight]

You see, Tumblr is great because my …ex…group for a game doesn’t go here

Me on Twitter, while I’m being diplomatic: -only slight vague tweets about the situation because the raid lead follows me there-

Me on Tumblr: Hey, followers! Join me as I shoot Wizard Beams™️ at the people who upset me!