#I’m looking for if he talked about the 4 instances stream because right when I tapped in he mentioned

[tinamybeloved]

Calc stuff is 2:59:30 in current vod

Thanks I just posted the clip. this is not exactly what I was looking for tho

[inkykeiji]

the clock is ticking, running out of time

characters: shigaraki tomura

genre: smut and angst

notes: AAAAAAH HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMURA!!!!!! sorry i seem to write angst for all of my faves birthdays ehehe. this is technically set in the touya-nii universe!! | title cred: birthday by katy perry

warnings: 18+ minors dni, cheating, implied stepcest/pseudo-incest, toxic relationships, the slightest hint of degradation, noncon/dubcon video recording, extreme feelings of guilt

words: 4.4k

synopsis:

“It’s fine—”

“It’s not,”

“I didn’t come here to talk about Touya,” you say gently, letting your dress drop down as you straighten up. “Let’s—Let’s not think about him right now, okay? Today is your day, and I want to focus on you. Forget about Touya,”

A deep frown mars his face, his nose twitching again. It looks like he wants to say more, but then your hands are on him, roaming across his bony chest and sliding into the tufts of silvery-blue hair at the nape of his neck.

“It’s hard to buy a gift for someone who already has everything,” you’re continuing softly, gazing up at him through your lashes, so close your noses nearly bump together. Sweet breath wafts over his face, a tongue darting out to lick at his lips, as if he’s trying to taste it. “So I thought…I thought the best gift I could give you is me,”

And suddenly, Touya’s wiped from his mind.

You shouldn’t be doing this.

That’s the thought that’s been looping through your head for the past forty-five minutes, for the entire bus ride from Touya’s apartment to Tomura’s, for the walk from the bus stop to his condo complex, for the thirty-seven seconds it takes him to answer the door.

You shouldn’t be doing this.

But you want to.

It’s been months since you’ve seen him last, months since you spent the night with him, months since you’ve spoken to him at all.

4:06. The glowing numbers glare up at you from the screen of your phone, unable to stop obsessively checking your phone, mentally calculating the time you have left over and over again, even though you’ve already meticulously planned this outing down to the very second.

It’s rare for Touya to be out for an exact amount of allotted time, but when he mentioned that he had a three hour full body check up with his doctor that just so happened to be scheduled on Tomura’s birthday…Well, it was too convenient for you not to seize the opportunity.

The door swings open, breaking you out of your thoughts, and your name leaves his lips in a gasp, crimson eyes searching your face in disbelief. A beat of silence passes before he speaks again. “What’re you doing here?”

“Wanted to see you for your birthday,” you say simply with a shrug and he blinks several times, still staring at you incredulously. “You didn’t think I forgot, did you?”

And for a moment you’re terrified you’ve made a grave mistake, terrified that he doesn’t want you here, that he thinks the risk is too big—Touya will murder the both of you if he finds out—too dangerous, his body gone rigid in the doorway, breathing stopped.

But then a brilliant smile is splitting his face, and he’s pulling you into his arms, crushing you to his chest as his fingers curl in the material of your dress.

And you—you practically collapse against him, sighing out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. He still smells exactly the same, just as you remember—like cheap cigarettes and watermelon bubblegum.

The scent evokes thick unfurling remorse, sinking heavily in your stomach, the mantra you’ve been repeating to yourself for the past few days immediately flowing through your mind, a desperate attempt to reassure yourself, to reason with yourself, to justify this decision.

Because you both deserve closure, don’t you? After everything that’s happened? After leaving him without a trace, without so much as a phone call or a quick text to at least let him know you’re okay?

Because Touya’s cheated on you how many times throughout the first six months of your relationship? One more teeny tiny instance of infidelity—the last one, you promise yourself—shouldn’t hurt, so long as he doesn’t know about it.

Right?

Really, this does nothing to dispel the culpability churning in your chest. No, Tomura’s bright boyish smile does that all by itself, sincere in the way it’s stretched across his face as he tugs you inside.

And...And suddenly, none of it really matters. Not in that moment, at least. Suddenly, all of those statements are rendered true; Tomura does deserve this. Suddenly, you realize just how much you’ve missed him.

“I have to be quick, I’m sorry,” your voice cracks under unexpected emotion, but Tomura doesn’t seem bothered by it at all, ecstatic over the fact that you’ve come to visit at all.

“That’s fine,” he’s saying as his hands roam your body, kneading and squeezing with surprising gentleness, eyes shining and wide as they follow his touch, as if he can’t believe you’re here, can’t believe you’re real.

It has your heart shattering in your chest, jagged shards puncturing your surrounding organs, burying themselves deep within you, never to be dug out. A lump lodges itself in your throat, voice frail and full of spit as you speak around it.

“I missed you so much,” the words rush from between your lips without your permission, and Tomura pulls back, smile fading as his gaze searches your face.

For a moment, you can tell that he wants to berate you for disappearing without any contact at all, can see it shining clear as crystal in his eyes as they narrow, as eyebrows knit and his nose scrunches, and you nuzzle your face into him. Guilt, a different kind than that which Touya evokes—this type lighter than the dense acidic guilt that sticks to your insides like thick tar any time sapphire sears through your mind, this type bitter and saturated with melancholy—roots in the pit of your stomach.

“I—I’m sorry I haven’t been able to text,” you mumble meekly, tears pricking your eyes. “Touya—”

“It’s okay,” he cuts you off with surprising softness, fingertips still trailing up and down your spine. “I figured. Uh, how is he? Like, how…How was he?”

The brand of those five letters, now fully healed, scald your flesh, blistering bright and hot as if you had just been branded again. With your bottom lip sucked between your teeth, you contemplate just outright telling him—he’s going to see it eventually either way, but you’re worried about ruining the mood a little too early.

No.

Better to rip it off like a band-aid, to get it out of the way now, instead of interrupting your birthday festivities later.

Your chest swells with a deep inhale, exhaling the words slowly.

“He was…” Livid. Furious beyond belief. Deeply hurt—distressed, distraught, dismayed. Visibly shaken up. In more pain than you’ve ever witnessed before. Terrified. “Upset. Naturally.”

Tomura waits for you to continue, speaking after a few moments of silence. “And?” he prompts, knowing Touya didn’t let you get away with a mere verbal warning, knowing you have more to say.

“A-And—” you bury your face against his neck, hot tears leaking from your eyes and staining his skin as they squeeze shut tightly, forcing the quivering words from your throat. “And he—He, um, he branded me,”

“What?” The word is just a huff of breath as large hands curl around your shoulders, yanking you from the sanctuary of his body so he can scrutinize your face, flashing crimson flying across your features. “He what?”

“His name,” you whisper, eyes still shut, face screwing up in distaste, the words bitter on your tongue.

“Where?”

“My ass,”

“Let me see,”

Eyes snapping open, your head begins to shake, motions cutting off when your stare meets his glare. Reluctantly you turn, flipping your dress up as you bend over a bit, pulling your panties down just enough to show him the slightly raised letters etched into your flesh forever.

Save for the soft, choked noise that sounds in the back of his throat, silence blankets the room, atmosphere suddenly stale and suffocating.

You glance back at him after a few beats, when your chest is beginning to burn from holding your breath in your lungs, and the sight that you are met with has your chest tearing itself in half, ribs caving in, giving way to the deep, dark ache swirling at the very core of your body.

Crimson eyes gleam in the setting sun, a thick layer of tears catching in the golden rays streaming through the window. It’s almost pretty in a way, brilliant ruby that shimmers and shines in the waning beams, practically glowing. But those beautiful, beautiful eyes are transfixed on your bare flesh, unblinking stare etching itself into your skin much like the letters Touya left behind.

His chin trembles just a little, front teeth sinking into his bottom lip in an attempt to halt it, head nodding in minuscule motions, barely noticeable, almost as if he’s confirming something to himself, affirming some unsaid thought sailing through his mind—almost as if he’s blaming himself.

“Fucking bastard,” he spits, though the words are wobbly, lacking heat and coated in sticky saliva. Using the sleeve of his black shirt, he wipes at his nose almost aggressively, quelling it’s twitching as he exhales harshly, nostrils flaring, before he sniffs twice and rolls his shoulders back, gaze finally meeting yours.

“It’s fine—”

“It’s not,”

“I didn’t come here to talk about Touya,” you say gently, letting your dress drop down as you straighten up. “Let’s—Let’s not think about him right now, okay? Today is your day, and I want to focus on you. Forget about Touya,”

A deep frown mars his face, his nose twitching again. It looks like he wants to say more, but then your hands are on him, roaming across his bony chest and sliding into the tufts of silvery-blue hair at the nape of his neck.

The glittering scarlet lace barely obscured by your thin dress singes itself into your flesh as his palms cascade over it, tracing every dip and curve of your body as they slide down to grope your ass.

You had bought the set for this occasion specifically—using cash you had stashed away, of course; Touya regularly checks your bank statements and credit card—with the intention of letting Tomura keep it, as a present.

“It’s hard to buy a gift for someone who already has everything,” you’re continuing softly, gazing up at him through your lashes, so close your noses nearly bump together, sweet breath wafting over his face, a tongue darting out to lick at his lips, as if he’s trying to taste it. “So I thought…I thought the best gift I could give you is me,”

And suddenly, Touya’s wiped from his mind.

He surges forward, foreheads bumping together from the strength, and crushes his lips to yours in a bruising kiss, nimble fingers curling in the hem of your dress and yanking, pulling the material from your body in one erratic motion.

He’s just as enthusiastic as he was all those months ago, large hands settling on your lace-clad hips as he guides you—back, back, back, stumbling over your own feet a little as he shoves forward, teeth clacking as his tongue tangles with yours, interspersed drool pooling at the corners of your lips.

A soft cry of surprise leaves your lips as he roughly spins the two of you so he’s the one reversing, collapsing in the overstuffed gaming chair abandoned near his desk and hauling you down with him, wheels rolling against the hardwood from the force.  

His lips are plush and chapped, kisses messy with strings of viscous saliva, and you’re reminded of how fun kissing Tomura is, playful giggles spilling from one mouth into another consistently breaking the flow as eager hands paw and pull, snapping the clasp on your bra and haphazardly discarding it, your fingers toying with the silver button of his charcoal jeans.

“Get on with it already,” he groans, impatient and entitled as ever, exactly how you remember, hips rutting up into you clumsily as hands travel up your torso to knead your breasts much too hard. And even though it shouldn’t, his predictability inspires a burst of intense warmth in your chest, burning bright like a tiny sun, heat seeping into your blood and flooding your veins as more involuntary giggles pry their way out of your mouth and into his.

“Think that’s funny, huh?” he asks, and although his eyes are fierce and sharp as they scrutinize your face, there’s a playful little grin decorating his lips, slender fingers tweaking a peaked nipple and snickering at your resulting yelp.

“Just missed you, s’all,” you mumble against him, lips dragging along his jaw then trailing down his neck, tongue peeking out to give kitten licks at self-inflicted scars and tugging pathetic little half-whimpers from deep in his throat, rough and uneven as he tries to swallow them back down.

There isn’t enough time for thorough prep, your only form of foreplay consisting of his cock being rammed down your throat—just get it fucking wet, he had demanded—hips stuttering as he desperately tries to keep from bucking while your tongue laves around the shaft, drenching it in spit.

“Fu-Fucking stop, or I’m gonna cum,” Large fists tangle in your hair, trying to yank you off his cock with a pathetic little whine. Gaping pupils outlined by a fine ring of scarlet observe the way your shining lips pucker around his girth as your mouth slides up, grip on your strands already loosening as his chest heaves, completely absorbed by your actions, breath escaping slightly parted lips in sweet little puffs.

A little tongue flicks against the slit as you reach the tip, placing an obscene openmouthed kiss to the head before pulling away completely. Your mouth hovers an inch above it, allowing a large glob of sticky saliva to dribble from your mouth onto the head, then kissing it again, pressing slippery lips to heated silky skin.

“Jesus Christ,”

The curse is nearly a moan, and you look up from your place between his thighs, batting your eyelashes and offering him a tiny smile. His eyes glitter as he gazes down at you, chest rising unevenly under the force of ragged breaths, a thumb swiping across your cheek in a manner that’s almost awestruck, as if he can’t believe you’re here.

“Get on my cock,” he orders a moment later, when the aching between his legs draws him back to reality, hips jerking up in reflexive, instinctive micro-movements, gleaming cock bobbing with the action. “And take your fucking panties off,”

It’s a little awkward and a lot uncoordinated, trying to maneuver yourself onto his lap while he slouches in that ridiculous gaming chair, unable to quell the way his hips prematurely thrust the moment you’re hovering over him, legs folded and cramped on either side of his thighs.

Pathetic little whimpers leak from your lips as his slick cock stretches your ill-prepared hole, cunt stinging as it struggles to adjust to the sudden breach, your nails digging into the lean muscles of his shoulders as a hiss is spit between clenched teeth.

But the moan he emits, deep and satisfying as you sink down on him, how his eyelashes flutter shut and his head knocks back against the headrest as he bottoms out, long ivory neck and prominent Adams apple on display, and the way massive hands grip your hips, fingertips digging into your soft flesh as he forces you to begin bouncing almost immediately, make it all so worth it.

Because he’s still so pretty, lids lifting a moment later to reveal dazzling ruby gazing at you in an almost voracious manner through thick dark lashes, glued to your face as he memorizes every micro-expression that transforms your features, the way your eyes roll back and eyebrows twitch, the way your mouth forms around those cute little gasps of his name that his rough thrusts punch from your chest.

“Did’ya miss my cock?” his breath is already coming out in short little pants, hips grinding urgently against yours, lacking any kind of finesse or rhythm. “B-Bet’cha did,”

“Uh-huh,” your head nods jerkily, hips rocking just as desperately into his as if to confirm your statement. His cock is pretty, too—a darker pink than Touya’s, half an inch shorter but just as fat, thick veins snaking around the shaft like vines.

“Dick drunk already?” he teases, and you’re positive his voice was meant to be more rancorous, but the large grin it’s spoken through, as if he’s proud of himself, chest nearly swelling with it, dilutes it, disintegrating the bitter shell that was supposed to coat the words. His tongue clicks, fluffy tufts of hair bouncing a little as he shakes his head. “What would your precious niichan think?”

You don’t answer—can’t answer—because it’s already so much, uncoordinated thrusting almost teasing in a way, the head of his cock unintentionally grazing that spot buried deep inside of you, the fleeting sensation mixing with that of the taboo, of the naughtiness of the situation, mewls spilling from your lips.

And you wish, so desperately, that you could take your time, that you could enjoy such amateurish gyrating, crude movements giving way to sloppy squelching that makes your stomach swoop and cunt throb as your clit glides against his pubic bone, but the mention of niichan reminds you of your finite amount of time and you lean back, soft palms finding the edge of his desk, fingers curling tightly around it.

Tomura’s bare feet planted on the hardwood keep the chair from shifting as you begin to really ride him, starting with slow, hard rolls of your hips that have cute little grunts hitching in his chest, bright eyes darkening as they watch, lids drooping a little, your movements increasingly gaining speed with each rock forward of your hips, leaning back against the desk and using it for leverage.

Blunt nails bite into your skin, and you want to remind him not to leave marks, but the words won’t keep their shape as they gurgle in your throat, evaporating into moans that break with each rough buck of his hips.

He finds a rhythm with you quickly, though, your lust-hazed mind dully noting that he’s better than before, the thought conjuring sudden, fierce spears of jealousy that slice through your chest, jaw clenching.

“Fuck, you—you’re still the best I’ve ever had,” he practically whines out, like he’s reading the thoughts on your face, but his voice is genuine, strained and hoarse with the confession. “Will probably always be the best I’ve ever had,” his sentence fades into a growl, almost as if he’s angry about it, hands squeezing your hips.

Nevertheless, you’re unable to stop the little smile those words paint across your lips, giggling breathlessly as bubbly warmth tingles in your chest, a sense of shameful pride rushing through your veins.

“Yeah?” he seethes in a huff, eyes narrowing. “Bet you’re proud of yourself for that, little slut,”

You are, you’re nodding, tongue rendered useless as his hips piston into you, cockhead repeatedly slamming against your cervix, reaching deeper and deeper and deeper the further you lean back, until the sharp edge of the desk is cutting into your back.

“I know you are,” he sneers, callous tone emphasized by his brute force as he fucks you. “V-Vain little bitch, happy she’s ruined me—ruined sex for me, forever,”

It’s getting harder for him to speak now, words punctuated by half-baked whimpers and swallowed, stifled moans, the sentiment under his speech accentuating pleasure for the both of you, dirty humiliation only making everything that much more intense, heady and addicting as it intoxicates your bodies, your minds, your souls.

“S-So the least you could do,” he begins in a keen, pace faltering as he squirms under you, yanking his phone from his back pocket. “Is give me something to—ah, Christ—remember you by,”

You should tell him no. You should cease all bouncing on his cock the moment he presses that little red button on his screen, the moment the flash next to the camera turns on, signaling it’s recording. You should.

But you don’t. You don’t, because he’s right. Because that guilt returns, seeping up through the floor of your stomach and spreading to your other organs, chest tightening as it reaches your heart. Because you took something from him, something he’ll never be able to get back, purely for your own selfish gain, just to get back at the man you love, and that isn’t fair. That will never be fair.

Instead, you look straight into the lens, hips beginning to ride him almost viciously, pushing out your chest further, bouncing tits on display as they heave with your lewd moans of his name, begging him to fuck you, begging him for his thick cum, and oh please, Tomura, please, give it to me, want your cum so bad, need your cum so bad, please!

He chokes on his own groan, the hand holding his phone beginning to shake slightly as the other finds its place on your hip again, his own thrusts pumping wildly as he spits expletives through gritted teeth, your pathetic little mewls egging him on.  

“G-Gonna cum?” he whines out, almost as if he’s begging you to say yes, the needy canting of his hips indicating that he’s about to, too, crimson searing into you as you nod messily. “Fucking do it, then, cream all over my cock like the good little whore you are,”

And you’re powerless to stop the loud cry that rips from your throat as your cunt clenches around him, only half of his name escaping in a yelp before your own shuddery gasp cuts you off, choking a little on the intense inhale, air sharp as razors as it rushes down your throat.

He follows less than a second later with a ferocious growl of your name, potent cum filling your aching little cunt, phone clattering to the floor as both hands grip your hips and force you to continue milking him until both of your bodies are shivering from the overstimulation.

You collapse against him, sweaty body melting into his, muscles quivering in exhaustion. Long arms encircle you, cradling you to his chest in a way that’s almost tender, phone laying forgotten a few feet away.

It’s just as nice as it was the first time, being swathed in his embrace, a gentle sigh slipping from between your lips. Nimble fingers trail up and down your spine, pressing into the notches, tracing the smooth, soft plains of your skin.

“Wish you could stay,” he mumbles into your hair, so quiet you nearly miss it—would have missed it if not for the vibrations in his chest.

Me too.

You want to tell him, want to express the same sentiment, to make it known that you desire the same thing, but the words tangle in your throat, that sticky brand of guilt that is specifically Touya refraining them from leaving your lips, yanking them back down into your chest with painful hitching breaths every time you try to speak.

You don’t even realize you’re crying until Tomura coos, pulling back a little to cup your face and tilt it up, big thumbs swiping across your cheeks as they catch glistening teardrops.

He doesn’t say anything—there is nothing to say—instead dipping his head to press his lips chastely to yours in the softest kiss he’s ever given you, mumbling his thanks for the birthday present a moment later.

There’s so much more you want to say, so much more you want to ask, but there’s no more time, opting to kiss him again in response, praying that it conveys all the things you can’t, all the things guilt won’t let you.

And then you’re scrambling off of his lap, collecting your dress off the floor and hastily pulling it over your head, turning back to find Tomura standing, holding out his hand, soaked lace in his grasp.

“Keep them,” you whisper, curling his fingers into a fist around the dainty material. “Happy birthday, Tomura,”

   ✰          ✰          ✰            

You have forty-five minutes before Touya arrives home—that’s cutting it close, you were supposed to have a full hour, but Tomura’s arms were so warm, his gently rising chest so inviting, his entire aura so comforting, that you had allowed yourself to indulge, just for a moment, to let your eyes slip shut and exhale a soft sigh of contentment, snuggling into his embrace and inhaling his distinct scent deeply, holding it in your lungs for a moment, wishing it would stay, wishing it would stick to the gummy walls, take root and find a home there, wishing you could keep a piece of him with you, always.

The water scalds your skin as you step into Touya’s glass shower, hands instantly reaching for Touya’s bodywash and squirting a generous amount in your palm.

You lather your entire body with it, until every inch of your skin is covered in foamy white suds, until your flesh has been scrubbed raw, the sharp scent—something woodsy and musky, like a crackling campfire of burning hickory wood, smoky and sweet—enveloping you entirely, stinging your nose.

It sticks in your throat and invades your lungs, as if cleansing you from the inside out, and you choke on it, are suffocated by it, little gasps and coughs falling from your lips while nails claw at your neck.

That dull ache returns as you rinse your skin, throbbing incessantly at the very core of your body as you watch the last remnants of Tomura swirl around the drain, infused in the soapy water.

It shouldn’t hurt this much, you’re thinking to yourself as your fingers massage shampoo into your scalp. It shouldn’t, but it does, a painful lump lodging itself in your throat, expanding a little more every time you try to reason with yourself until it’s gagging you.

Something stings your eyes—soap from the shampoo as you rinse it from your locks, or maybe the potently fragrant scent from Touya’s bodywash, you try to convince yourself, that lump sprouting tiny spikes and viciously slicing into the gummy walls, that lump forcing saliva still containing traces of Tomura to collect in your throat, that lump reminding you that you’re a fucking liar.

It’s fine. It’s fine. Touya doesn’t need to know everything, does he? What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right? And it was only a one time thing, wasn’t it? It’s alright, isn’t it?

These are the questions that cycle through your mind obsessively, running laps in your skull as you absentmindedly towel off your dripping body in your niichan’s bedroom, the gentle buzz of your phone snapping you out of your reverie.

For a moment, you’re terrified it’s Touya, texting you to tell you that he knows, you little slut, scrambling to snatch it off of the nightstand as trembling fingers hastily unlock it.

It isn’t Touya.

It’s Tomura.

best birthday present of my life, hands down. thank you. i love you.

The resounding slam! of the front door has your entire body flinching violently, the heels of Touya’s heavy boots thumping against the tile as he kicks them off mingling with his smooth voice as he calls your name.

It’s with watery eyes and painful little sniffles catching in your chest that your quivering thumb jabs at that tiny little trashcan in the corner of your screen, watching through blurry vision as the entire conversation disappears into the ether, gone forever—though those three glowing words that concluded the text are etched into the very tissue of your brain, where they will remain, forever.

[tobi-smp]

since I’m only capable of talking about two things, I wanna point out that the people in pogtopia blamed technoblade for being more involved in the 16th than he was because dream and schlatt took advantage of the paranoia in pogtopia (along with technoblade and wilbur’s more extremist tendencies) to manufacture distrust and miscommunication between them. this is going under the cut for once

lets take this by point:

1: the moment technoblade joined the server for the first time schlatt (while on vc with tubbo and quackity) claimed that he was the one that got him to join by calling in a favor to get his help hunting tommy and wilbur. [Link] Tubbo tried to relay this information to tommy and wilbur Without alerting technoblade, because obviously if technoblade Is working for schlatt then tubbo doesn’t want schlatt to know they know Or know that it was tubbo specifically that was leaking information. tubbo ended up whispering to tommy that technoblade had been payed off “or so schlatt says.” [Link]

meaning right out of the gate tubbo, tommy, wilbur, and quackity have reason to think that techno has some affiliation with schlatt, even if they currently have their doubts.

2: dream reinforced this Several times, not by outright stating that technoblade was a spy but by confirming that schlatt Did have a spy in pogtopia after he switched sides (not timestamping this one because it comes up a lot fjklasd)

3: dream was the one who supplied wilbur with tnt and technoblade was the only person inside of pogtopia that wasn’t against wilbur’s plan to blow the place to kingdom come. the original plan for the red festival was that wilbur would ignite the tnt under l’manberg after tubbo’s code phrase and technoblade would release withers (sound familiar).

4: regardless of what you think of technoblade or wilbur’s involvement with the red festival, schlatt ousted tubbo as a spy for pogtopia and then commanded technoblade to participate in his public execution, which technoblade complied with. quackity was verbally against the execution and clearly hadn’t been filled in on the fact that it was going to happen, he also wasn’t there to see what technoblade had to say about it afterwards. at Least quackity, tubbo, tommy, and wilbur were already suspicious of technoblade’s alignment with schlatt at this point, the fact that schlatt chose techno as his participation buddy was no accident. fundy was there in the audience when tubbo was taken out as well and he wasn’t particularly happy about it.

5: the other pogtopians were Actively and Openly against destroying l’manberg and open about reclaiming it, directly in front of technoblade, while techno was obviously Pro destroying l’manberg alongside wil. there are Many Many examples of this, but here’s one I can grab while looking for another quote from quackity’s 16th stream [Link]: Wilbur: “I hate Schlatt. So much.” Fundy: “And let’s settle that argument without explosives Wil.” Wilbur: “Techno, can you say that line again about violence and languages please.” Fundy: [heavy sigh] Technoblade: “Uh, violence is the only universal language?” Wilbur: “Yeah, yeah yeah yeah. It means that I need to blow everything up with tnt.” [Literally a chorus of “No’s” from everyone in the voice call minus wilbur and techno.] [Time passes: New timestamp Link] Wilbur: “Techno! What’s your opinion on me blowing everything up, Techno? Just for posterity.” Techno: “That sounds pretty pog.” [Again, a literal chorus of more or less the entirety of pogtopia disagreeing.] Tommy: “Everyone! We don’t have to blow up anything today, alright? We’re together.” Technoblade: [quietly] “But we could.” Tommy: “We’re together alright, we don’t need to use any tnt. We can do this together, alright? Techno, wilbur, this isn’t the right- we can reclaim it as our own.” [technoblade didn’t respond despite it being addressed to him specifically] [Timestamp Link] Tommy: “Listen everyone. We don’t need to blow anything up, if we go in together we can do this, alright. There doesn’t have to be any explosions, we can reclaim L’manberg, alright.” [Technoblade didn’t respond here either, but to be fair punz and dream showed up to ransack them]

tommy reiterated a Third time that they don’t have to destroy anything While they were on the way to techno’s vault, which again techno didn’t react to.

6: before the war they weren’t completely sure who the traitor was, quackity was suspicious of tommy for instance, but technoblade aligning himself with wilbur put them all on guard regardless. quackity, fundy, and tubbo all confronted technoblade to ask him what his plan was once they took back l’manberg because they were well aware that their goals seemingly didn’t align despite the fact that techno was still working with them. technoblade brushed them off, saying “we’ll burn that bridge when we get there,” despite never actually confronting this discrepancy again. (please god someone send me a stream name and timestamp for this interaction I looked for like 3 hours).

7: when the time finally came, wilbur detonated the tnt under l’manberg and technoblade released withers, just like wilbur’s plan for the festival. technoblade’s speech not only was focused on tommy specifically despite wilbur being the one to give the presidency to tubbo, but whether he’d meant to or not it provided a distraction for wilbur to slip away to the button room without anyone being able to stop him.

quackity recognized that wilbur was gone during the theseus speech and what that meant and tried to get people’s attention but it was too late

8: dream announced that the traitor was wilbur, wilbur told phil that the traitor was technoblade and Phil told the pogtopians that technoblade was the traitor and tried to warn them about his withers.

9: dream, the badlands, and techno lit more tnt and generally caused chaos together. (team chaos am I right)

10: techno left on the note that he’d come back to destroy them if they ever made a new government, and that he wouldn’t stop until they did.

you put it all together and it Looks like dream, wilbur, and techno colluded together to destroy l’manberg (with them all backstabbing schlatt in the process). technoblade was just as confused as everyone else was when the tnt started going off but the fact is the line of logic that leads to “technoblade was the traitor working for schlatt from the beginning” is an Obvious logical leap to make. and even if there were doubts about him working for schlatt (even if it was just to double cross him later while taking all of l’manberg with him) it’s not a stretch to assume that techno and wilbur were working together to destroy l’manberg considering how they backed each other up and enabled each other (despite technoblade calling wilbur “crazy” Multiple Times).

it’s not unreasonable for the pogtopians to blame technoblade for what happened to l’manberg, especially when wilbur was dead and couldn’t take responsibility for his own actions. (which boy, how the times have changed huh)

[stellocchia]

This is part 5 of the Comprehensive Analysis of c!Tommy and c!Dream’s relationship during the Exile Arc

Part 1 -  Part 2 -  Part 3 -  Part 4

So, this time I’m condensing together 2 streams, so It may be slightly longer then Parts 3 and 4... 

Also from here on out as usual we will be talking exclusively about the characters unless stated otherwise and we will be treating some heavy themes, so keep that in mind

So, first stream we’ll be talking about is: TommyInnit Is Actually Depressed in Exile

So, as I mentioned at the end of the last one, once the party stream was over Tommy seemed to dissociate and go underwater until he had only one air bubble remaining and then logged off. This stream starts with Tommy drowning and being extremely confused as to how that happened. Also Tommy moved to the second fase of his exile Minecraft skin.

“I held a party and the only person who showed up was Dream. But it’s okay because he’s great! He’s- he’s cool...” 

*Tommy sees a Tubbo statue holding a ‘Your Tommy’ compass* “Tubbo is the reason that I’m out here... ‘Your Tommy compass’? Dream told me that Tubbo lost his compass!” (once again absolutely trusting what Dream says)

“If Tubbo wanted to be here then he could come here and he’s chosen NOT TO! Even if he didn’t get fucking invited to the party, which he did! He’s not shown up once... not to say ‘hi’, not left a gift, not left me anything... he’s just been... Tubbo” 

“Everyone keeps coming to me out of pity and no-one comes in just to say ‘hello’, no the only person who’s- *long pause* the only person who’s done that is Dream... he’s the only person” (this is a bit of an insight on Tommy’s mindset regarding others)

So, now the mailing chest has been moved to underneath Tommy’s bed, because Dream kept intercepting Ranboo’s and Tommy’s mails. Also Ranboo writing “Jesus Christ Dream is scary” in this mail is a mood.

“You know, if it was Tubbo that got exiled, which he wouldn’t have in the first place, everyone would be visiting him everyday. Even if I was the president and I was the one who had to exile him I would have visited him everyday, everyone would have... if the roles were reversed... but the roles aren’t reversed” 

It’s interesting that by now he has internilized that Tubbo would not have been exiled because he’s much more obedient when Dream never cared about that (he did care, but only to the extent of: Tommy not following his orders is the most probable reason for Dream’s obsession with him). He would have pushed for the exile (also known as Glorified Kidnapping) no matter what sooner or later. If Tubbo was the one to be unfortunate enough to attract Dream’s obsession nothing would have changed from that point of view, except, would Tommy have been as afraid of visiting Tubbo as Tubbo was of visiting him? 

Also then Tommy tries to make 2 Screaming Stations. One near the sea and one in the neter (coincidentally directly above the two liquids he almost died from in exile). Neither of them worked, the nether one only resulting effective once a ghast shot him. Also this is the stream where Tommy drops Jack Manifold into lava (though he had no idea that that was a canon kill) and Jack kindaps/kills Tommy’s pumpking girlfriend as revenge? It’s a weird one. Another thing to point out is that Tommy just doesn’t wear armour at any point.

“Why did I just do that? Why did I just kill him?” *joins Jack vc* “Listen, I’m really sorry” (just to specify Tommy did apologize multiple times right after doing it, since a lot of people seem not to remember how things went)

“For some reason I just can’t let it out... why can’t- why can’t I scream?” (said right before a ghast fireballed him and he screamed)

After that Ranboo comes to visit. Tommy also breaks a bit more of the Nether path and then he makes the signs: “You are now entering Logstedshire, population: 1″ and “You are now entering Dream Smp, Happy Place. They’re all happy. It’s not quiet, just happy”. 

“Aside from maybe Dream” *seeing Ranboo* “And also I guess a bit Ranboo no-one’s came to visit me and when they have they’ve been live so that they can go ‘Oh he’s in exile guys, come and look at this! Come and look at this!’” (a good canon interpretation of this is that Tommy is feeling like a carnival attraction as he put it a while ago. Also Ranboo is now his strongest connection aside from Dream)

“I would actually go and get pets since pets are the best thing for sad people, but so far all my pets have just been used to be tortured in war so I don’t wanna- I don’t wanna put them through that...” (that’s a really f*cking grim take that just so happens to be true that was shoved in the middle of a random stream...) 

“Ranboo I’ve had a bit- you know ‘cause Dream isn’t on?” “Mhm” “I reckon I’m gonna- I’m gonna- one day Ranboo I’m gonna fight back, but for now he’s my only friend. Other then you” “Heh, yeah... wait!” “What if I make a little... heh a room”

This bit is quite an important one: Tommy’s first (and last) real act of rebellion against his situation. He’s still confused about it because he thinks of Dream as a friend, but he knows that his situation cannot last forever and that he will need to fight back at some point. He never gets to build a sort of “resistence in exile” type of thing, but he does manage later on to snap out of Dream’s control.

“I’m not gonna fight back now, because I owe everything to Dream. He comes and sees me and he gives me armour sometimes and he makes me happier and he gives me his trident” “Isn’t he the reason why you’re in this situation?” (now Ranboo is the one who took on the role of the one poking holes in Dream’s retoric)

“I made a bee sanctuary or whatever it’s called” “Oh shit! Can I come and see it?” “Oh yeah when you- you come back. When you’re allowed to come back. Which hopefully will be soon” “Oh... you’re like the others” (I’m not entirely sure how to interpret this exchange, but it is the point where Tommy starts loosing trust in Ranboo)

“Apparently Tubbo got a compass” “Yeah! Oh yeah the compass... it got accidentally, like, it was very terrible timing with a charged creeper” “He let it go?” “He didn’t let it go!” “He let me go?” “No he didn’t- he didn’t purposefully let it go, he wouldn’t do that” (this conversation is very much NOT about the compass...)

“But Ranboo, listen, at some point I’m gonna have to do something about this and I don’t know if that’s gonna be... someone’s gonna die” (pretty sure he’s referring to himself there...)

“So recently my buddy Dream has been doing this thing where he um- it makes sense though! Because I’m not in his land anymore, but he ta- he takes shit from me so I need to make sure that I keep them in that chest down there” (it is indeed quite typical for victims of abuse to justify their abuser’s actions and that’s what we’re seeing)

“Everyone in this world you think cares: probably doesn’t”

“You didn’t come to my fucking party Ranboo and I invited everyone!” “You did?” “I didn’t, I didn’t, Wilbur did! And everyone could have came and you didn’t” “Wait what do you mean? There was no invite!”

So, up until now it was of course only speculation that Dream had tampered with the Party invites, but, of course, this is the first proof we have of that fact. Later on Ranboo reiterates his point during the Bedrock Boys Arc, since this time Tommy was still too hurt by it to actually try and listen to him.

“I know that, whatever happens, I’m not gonna be here forever. Wether it’s in exile or wether it’s just here [alive], I’ve no idea how long I’ve got left” (in case it wasn’t obvious: Tommy in exile was suicidal)

“Ranboo everyone always tells me I was the- the- the hero of this server, the one that came and fucking fought Dream and the only one that ever spoke against him but... maybe I was just- maybe this was just meant to be...” (Tommy also very much resents the idea of being a “hero”)

“Doesn’t Dream, like, take your armour? Is that what you said?” “I don’t know I just- hey man, I just follow the boss” (Ranboo was quite aware of at least part of what happened in exile)

We then have Tommy labeling his chasts: ‘don’t let yourself down’ and ‘keep calm and carry on’ and stored away 13 enderpearls. Also closing speach, because it was really good:

“Is it worth it Ranboo?” “What? What worth it?” “Is this [trying to fight back] even worth it?” “I’d say it is. I mean, it’s gonna be tough, it’s gonna be- I mean, I couldn’t even imagine it, but it’s definitely gonna be worth it in the end when you can come back” “In the end...” “I mean at the end of your exile” “*sigh* It’s never gonna end”

Moving on to the next stream we have: Tommy's Exile Is Coming To A Close, which just so happens to not be about Tommy’s exile ending, despite the title, but just about Tommy getting EVEN MORE depressed...

Once again, this stream only has Tommy and later Ranboo and Niki in it, and it’s not too important, so I’ll try to be quick about it. 

The stream starts, once again, with Tommy drowning. This time a bit further away from the coast.

“I don’t think I’ve got very long left. I’m not getting better. I’m not (...) and I- I can just feel it: if this- if it keeps on going how it is right now, if- if this keeps on and I keep being alone and my only friend *pause* is Dream, I don’t have very long- I don’t have very long left” (his mental state just literally plummeted after the failed beach party)

Tommy builds the Thinking Palace and the second Nether bridge to Logsteshire (out of cobblestone and lime green concrete, though he wanted to make it out of clay, how’s that for subtle symbolism?) during this stream. Also, may I point out that Tommy is canonically aware of his eyes becoming less and less blue? Also the response mail that Tommy writes is quite worrying here:

*Tommy falls into water* “Why did I just do that? I don’t think I- I don’t think I chose to dr- *sigh*” (pretty sure this is another instance of dissociation)

“How can I be with other people and still feel so alone?” (that’s because loneliness has nothing to do with how crowded a certain place is and more to do with feelings of alienation)

Either way the stream ends with Niki and Ranboo helping Tommy out with the bridge a bit and that’s it! 

“‘Please speak to Tubbo’? My time with Tubbo is come and gone. He had weeks to come and visit me. He chose- he chose against it. And that’s okay... that’s okay” (we have a second time fram indicating that it’s now been definitely over 2 weeks in their time, considering the last time we got one it had been 13 days)

I reckon the next post will be 3 streams together (since the Mexican Dream and the Drista one are... mostly non-canon and I don’t remember Quackity’s visit being too serious) and then I’ll make one on the final one and that’ll be it, I'm pretty sure...

[agathasangel]

leave everything behind but me- part 4 (diane sherman x reader) (NSFW moment)

warnings: same as before, stalking (like full on irl stalking as well as online), drugging, some talk of emotional/physical abuse in this one, death mention. this whole fic is just kinda dark... sorry. Also brief nsfw moment.

summary: this part is from Diane’s perspective. as she looks for her neurotoxin ingredients in a panic, she reflects on how she came into contact with you in the first place, and all the highs and lows of your relationship up to this point.

where the hell are they? thought Diane, looking for the last, most important ingredient in her neurotoxin.

She couldn’t believe it had come to this again. Just like with Chloe.

Diane wondered where Chloe was, what she was doing. About five years ago, with an excellent defense lawyer, she managed to get out of jail for what she had done. She looked far and wide for her stolen daughter, who seemed to be nowhere to be found. She still worried about what became of Chloe, but knew she was probably doing alright. And one day, Diane found a new obsession by the name of (y/n).

It was nearly two years ago now. Diane was beginning to give up on finding Chloe, after three full years of searching anywhere and everywhere with no luck. But she did find something else. 

She was staying at a hotel in California, near the hospital where she gave birth to Chloe, in the vain hope that maybe, just maybe, Chloe would be around.

Diane didn’t find Chloe, but she found something else from her past. Her college reunion was being held in the exact hotel she was staying at. She didn’t plan on attending, but then she came face-to-face with her college rival. This woman was the only person who did better in her classes than Diane. Not only that, but she had multitudes of friends, boyfriends, you name it, while Diane had no one. The woman never let Diane forget how much better she was either. It wasn’t the worst thing Diane had ever been through, not by a long shot, but it was a disappointment for sure. College was supposed to be the place where Diane could finally feel like she belonged, and she always resented this rival of hers. 

“Diane! We didn’t think you were coming! Oh here, have a seat!” said the woman.

“I’m so sorry about Roger. It was such a shock to hear about.”, she continued, reminding Diane of her dead husband

“Yeah, I still can’t say I’m over it, all these years later.”

“Yeah when the love of your life just drops dead like that, you never get over it, do you?”, she said, far louder than Diane would have liked.

“Can we please talk about something else?”

“Of course, I’m so sorry, Diane, I know it must be so hard for you!”

“Yeah. Um... what’s your family like?”

“Well we have one daughter. Her name is (y/n), and she’s a senior in High School,” said the woman. She then leaned into Diane and said, “But can I be honest? I never exactly wanted kids. Never liked them. I thought it would change when I had her but it didn’t. She’s so... difficult.”

Diane’s blood absolutely boiled hearing this, but she managed to keep a polite face, “But that’s your child. Don’t you love her?”

“There are some good things about her, I guess. I do love her in my own way, but I can’t help but feel disappointed. She’s just not what I thought she’d be. I’m sorry, I thought you may understand. I never get to vent my frustrations about her.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t understand. But, do you, um, by any chance have a picture of her?”

“On my phone, somewhere. Let me look.”

After a while, she found a picture of (y/n). It was fairly recent photo of you at a restaurant, at what looked like a dinner with the whole family. You looked sad and lost, but Diane thought you looked sweet.

“She’s beautiful.”

“Thanks,” said the woman, almost stifling a laugh, as if there was no way Diane could have meant that.

“I’m sorry, I need to go to the bathroom.” said Diane, as she was starting to turn red in anger and the woman.

“I’ll join you, I need to freshen up a bit.”

“Fine.”

So Diane walked straight into a stall while the other woman followed. Diane started to cry, so angry at this awful woman. She had a child, a beautiful, sweet, girl who was alive, for God’s sake. Diane would kill for what she has, in fact she had killed for it before. But this woman didn’t care about her child, she didn’t appreciate you one bit.

She didn’t deserve you. 

Then she heard the woman get into the stall next to her and she decided to leave. But the woman left her purse on the sink. Diane looked into her purse and found everything. All her information was in her wallet, and she took pictures of her address, phone number, and credit card numbers, as well as a couple of photos of you and your father. Diane quickly threw the last photo back into her purse as she heard her enemy get up, and she ran away, all the way back up to her room. 

Diane looked at the photos, and started to look for your social media. You didn’t seem to post very often, or have many friends. Most of your photos were of you by yourself, or pretty things you took pictures of, and even a couple of sad poems you wrote. Poetry written by teenagers was usually laughably bad, but hers made Diane cry. She saw herself in you.

Poor little thing, Diane thought. She needs some love. But I can do that for her.

Diane spent about a month following you and your parents around, without any of you even noticing her presence. One day she snuck into their house and bugged it, so that there were feeds of different rooms streaming to her computer at all times.

Diane noticed you spent most of your time alone. You wrote in a journal a lot, and cried fairly often, hugging a teddy bear you had. You just seemed so burnt out from stress from school, stress from your job, pressure from your parents. You fought with both of her parents often. Well... fight wasn’t the right word. Usually, one parent would yell at you and insult you, and you would choose to either take it or not take it.

There was one particular instance where you snapped at your father, telling him how he abandoned you so many times. He didn’t take this well, screaming all kinds of insults. How Diane wished she could hold you, rock you, comfort you and tell you that aren’t any of the terrible things your father told you, and that she’s sorry that you never felt good enough.

Diane snuck into (y/n)’s graduation, too. She knew she couldn’t contact you yet, but she got so much happiness out of just seeing this milestone of your life. All you did was walk across the stage and take your diploma, but Diane beamed with pride for you as you did it.

After graduation, your parents were constantly threatening to kick you out, and the fights got worse, they crying got worse. Diane wished she was there, comforting you, holding you and giving you all the love that your parents didn’t. Diane looked for a window of opportunity into this girl’s life until she found the perfect one. You had put out an ad on facebook for anyone on the east coast looking for a roommate, and Diane put her plan into action. She made a fake account on facebook pretending to be a college girl named “Anna Johnson” and responded to the ad, starting to talk to and getting friendly with you. “Anna” suggested that you take a bus trip and offered to pay the fare, but you refused because you wanted to earn the money yourself. Diane’s heart warmed at your sweet messages, even though they were to “Anna” and not her. “I’ve never had as good a friend as you before”, “Who needs a mom when I have you giving me such great advice?”, “You’re the best!”, every little message that you sent to Diane made her fall more and more in love. Diane bought a little house on the East Coast with the money she got from selling her old house, and hoped everything will fall into place in her new life with (y/n). 

Now during the bus trip, Diane needed to follow you closely in her silver minivan, and make sure not to lose track of you during layovers either. Her detour into the coffee shop scared her at first, but once Diane found you, it was the perfect opportunity to finally, after all these months of dreaming, meet you face-to-face. Her new little baby girl, finally. Diane slipped a powdered sleeping pill into her already tired girl’s coffee to make you even more sleepy and suggestible, getting you to come with her to her hotel room.

Back in the present, Diane found the rest of the powdered sleeping pills as she was searching through her medicine cabinet and closet. She got so distracted thinking about you, and all the horribly wrong things she had done to you. 

It’s for her own good, all of it. She needs to be protected, she’s too pure for this world, to good, too sweet...

Diane searched through the drugs she had given you, thinking of all the best times the two of you have had.

The first day Diane had been with you in the little house was heaven on earth. Finally Diane had everything she’s been working for for almost a year now right there, in her arms. Diane wanted to give you everything you didn’t believe you deserved. The only catch was that you belonged to Diane, and Diane alone.

She got a job teaching Chemistry at the local High School fairly easily, as she had extensive knowledge (even more extensive than she may have let on in her interview), of the subject, and the school district was completely desperate for competent science teachers. Diane found faking the background check easy, she used her maiden name and an incorrect date of birth and they didn’t ask her about her arrest at all. And now she had her new life set up. A house that she owned, a job to put food on the table, and you.

The next best day for Diane was the day you finally kissed her. Diane was starting to fall in love with you in a more romantic, even a more sexual way, but didn’t know if you felt the same way about her. Then, during one of your movie nights, you kissed Diane, and she felt overjoyed. She kissed you back and finally led you to the bed and fucked you, like she had been thinking about doing every night at this point but was too scared to actually initiate until now. She was in love with the feeling she got from kissing you, from pleasing you. It had been so long since Diane had been this intimate with anyone, and she was your first. And it was a real awakening for the both of you.

It felt so good, you felt so good. This relationship you had was so incredibly wrong in so many ways, but it just felt so right.

Why did it have to change?

Of course, there were still some hard moments. Even Diane admitted that there were times when she could be irrationally possessive of you, getting angry when someone even looks at you the wrong way. She knew that her possessive, obsessive attitude could scare you, and you would even blame yourself for it, but she didn’t know how to stop. She knew that you were getting scared she would become more difficult to please, like all the other people that have been in your life.

Or the times that you would cry, and it happened so often. You would get sad and Diane would hold you and tell you:

“It’s ok baby, you’re here now, you’re with me. I love you more than life itself. You’re gonna be okay, my little angel.”

One night Diane woke up to you crying into your pillow, and immediately grabbed you.

“What’s wrong, baby? What happened?”

“I- I was afraid that you might- that- one day- you might not want me anymore... what would happen if you d-don’t want me....”

“Listen, I will never not want you. You are all I have, remember? And you’re all I need. Come here, that’s right. You’re my baby, all mine.. shhh....”

Or, there was the time you asked about the scars on Diane’s back. She was mortified, but finally told you about her terrible childhood. The horrible abuse from her mother until her death, the foster home, everything. Her desperation to become the mother she never had. You hugged her tight.

“I’m so sorry, Diane, I had no idea... and to think I complained about-”

“Baby, don’t compare your life to mine. All that matters now is that it’s you and me, and I need to take care of you.”

“Sometimes I think I should be the one taking care of you, Diane.”

“Trust me baby, you do so much more for me than you think.”

Then Diane found it. The rest of the paint thinner. And she was ready to take away all your sadness once and for all, and make you hers forever.

[emetophobiahelp]

Survivor Masterpost

Mid 2020 I decided to watch ALL seasons of Survivor, 2-38 (I do not know why I skipped season 1 sorry???) and I kept track of all unsafe scenes. I don't know why I never got around to posting it, but here it is!

A few notes:

I watched the show via Hulu and then Amazon Prime for the seasons not on Hulu. Some episodes of some seasons were missing from these streaming services, so if you watch some other way, these episodes might be there and have unsafe scenes.

I skipped any pre-episode recaps ("previously on survivor...") so I recommend doing the same in case they show any recaps involving v*.

I did not include all instances of coughing or other more minor potential triggers, but I did my best to include the more graphic instances.

Wherever I mention an eating challenge, that means I skipped the entire challenge because I knew/suspected there would be a lot of v*. So that means there are not detailed warnings for these challenges if you wanted to try watching them and avoiding the v*. From my knowledge about Survivor and my experiences watching as a child, I feel confident saying if you have emet, do NOT watch a Survivor eating challenge.

I apologize in advance if I missed anything. I often wrote my warnings hours after watching, and I am human after all :)

Season 2: The Australian Outback

Episode 1: Immediately after the opening credits, the shot cuts to the contestants on a plane and a man is v*ing into a paper bag. Later, Jeff Varner talks about feeling like he is going to v* and he looks sick at times, but I don’t think they showed any shots of him v*ing.

Season 3: Africa

Episode 1: After they say leaving the gourds open makes the water taste bad, they all have disgusted reactions to drinking the water. One woman looks like she may v* but nothing happens.

Later, about 18 minutes in, when they show the sun rising and the beginning of day 2, a woman at the Boran tribe looks ill and someone asks if she is going to v*. I skipped ahead at this point, so I’m not sure if it’s shown.

Episode 2: Eating challenge where they drink cow's blood

Episode 3: As soon as Boran wins the reward challenge, Tom is shown heaving/v*ing. Later, when Samburu is gathering trees to build the signal, Lindsey is shown lying down. Someone else gives her water and she spits it up.

Episode 6: After the reward challenge, Kim v*s when they get back to camp.

Episode 9: After Ethan and Lex eat the french fries, Ethan gets up to v*. I am not sure what is shown because I skipped ahead when he was talking about how his stomach wasn’t used to foods like that.

Season 4: Marquesas

Of the episodes on Hulu, it is all safe. There is an eating challenge in this season, but that episode is not on Hulu, so you likely will not encounter it. If you do, skip of course. I know for sure Boston Rob v*s during it because it is referenced in his later seasons.

Season 5: Thailand

Episode 1: After 19 minutes in, after they show nighttime, it flashes forward to the morning at Chuy Ghan, where a woman says she is going to be s*. She gets up to v*. The same girl v*s later when they get back from the immunity challenge and she takes a drink of water.

Episode 12: Eating challenge

Episode 14: The immunity challenge that is a combination of past challenges ends with them having to eat something. I’m not sure if there’s v* because I skipped it. Later, when they’re doing the ritual to remember old tribe members, they show a shot of Tanya v*ing.

Season 6: The Amazon is safe

Season 7: Pearl Islands

Episode 5: Immunity challenge is an eating challenge, so skip it. After they get back to camp, Rupert and Michelle are talking. When Rupert says Shawn does nothing, Michelle gets up and walks to the trees to v*. Skip ahead a minute.

Season 8: All-Stars is safe

Season 9: Vanuatu is safe

Season 10: Palau

Episode 8: Reward challenge is an eating challenge.

Episode 10: At the Palauan feast, right after Caryn says they didn’t talk strategy, the shot cuts to Janu looking sick. She leaves to v*. I skipped ahead a minute, but based on the hulu thumbnails, there are a couple shots of her v*ing.

Episode 12: The immunity challenge revisits previous challenges from the season, one of which is the eating challenge. Again, I skipped though this part, so I am not 100% sure it’s unsafe, but I would be careful or skip ahead a minute.

Season 11: Guatemala

Episode 1: This is a pretty brutal one. When Stephenie says “I’m not starting out on the losing team” at around 15:20 something, the shot cuts to the other tribe where a guy is v*ing. It starts with the sound of him violently r*ing before it shows him (and the shot is dark because it’s night). Skip ahead about a minute and a half.

Later, just before 27 minutes in, after Yasha finds their camp and says it’s going to be good, the scene changes to the other camp where someone is heard r*ing again. The sound is very violent. There is some dialogue for about a minute or so and then more v*ing (audio and you see him leaning behind a tree). Skip ahead to at least 29 minutes in.

Episode 2: After they get back from tribal council, Bobby Jon starts to cough and g* again. I skipped ahead 30 seconds and avoided it.

After they get the mail about the reward challenge, I skipped the entire scene of Nakum’s camp because I didn’t want to risk seeing or hearing more.

And again, I skipped the next scene at the Nakum camp until they got the immunity challenge tree mail because it opened with Bobby Jon doing deep breathing.

Episode 9: They don’t show anything happen when Judd is drunk, but the morning after they are talking about how he v*ed. They show where he v*ed in the shelter. The action itself is never shown.

Season 12: Panama

Episode 5: After they eat the beans at La Mina, Austin says he is starting to feel n*. I skipped ahead about 2 minutes because I could tell what was coming. From the thumbnails while skipping ahead, I can’t tell if they show him v*ing but he definitely was s* to some extent.

Season 13: Cook Islands

Episode 11: During the merge feast, they are drinking on the boat, and Jonthan mentions that the young people are getting faded. Soon after this, there is a shot of Adam v*ing over the side of the boat. There’s another shot of this later on in the scene, so I would skip ahead a few minutes and you won’t miss much.

Season 14: Fiji

Episode 7: After Earl talks about how Exile Island is now “Earl Island,” it cuts back to Mookie at Ravu’s reward saying he ate too much. They then show him going into the bathroom and leaning over the toilet v*ing. Skip ahead about 30 seconds.

Season 15: China

Episode 1: About 20 minutes in, one tribe is talking about who should do what, and Ashley says “I’m not feeling very good” and walks a bit and then r*s and v*s.

Season 16: Micronesia (Fans vs Favorites)

Episode 9: When it’s just Jason and Ozzy left in the immunity challenge, Ozzy begins to struggle and when he finally comes up, he coughs up water a few times. It is quite a bit more graphic than the typical choking-on-water instances in the show, so be careful if you are super sensitive.

Episode 10: At the reward, after it shows day turning to night, Erik gets up and v*s. He is talking before about how all the food, beer, and betel nuts made him feel sick, so it’s pretty obvious it’s coming. The scene lasts a couple minutes and I’m pretty sure it shows him v*ing a few more times (or at least bending over). It’s all night vision cameras so everything is definitely dark. Skip ahead a couple minutes anyway.

Season 17: Gabon is safe

Season 18: Tocantins

Episode 10: After the winning team eats their feast, the dancers invite them to join. They show the survivors doing cartwheels and such, and then the shot changes to Erinn bent over v*ing. It’s pretty obvious from what she was saying in the voiceovers that this was coming (that they had eaten a lot and then got up and danced). On Hulu, this happens between about 16:30-17:15.

Season 19: Samoa

Episode 5: Reward challenge is an eating challenge

Season 20: Heroes vs. Villains is safe

Season 21: Nicaragua

Episode 1: Soon after Kelly shows her prosthetic leg, the scene changes to the elders’ camp and shows someone v*ing. You hear the sound first after a guy says something about fire.

Season 22: Redemption Island is safe (and a garbage season not worth watching tbh lol)

Season 23: South Pacific

Episode 9: During the immunity challenge, they have to run with coconut water in their mouth and spit it out. This kind of challenge involving spitting--of water, coconut water, or meat--is pretty common in Survivor, and I usually don’t write warnings for them because once they describe spitting being part of a challenge, you can just skip it if you’re sensitive to that. I typically do not find them triggering, just pretty gross.

But in this challenge, after Jim thinks he has it but doesn’t, they show Sophie making a last run for it and she stops and kind of chokes/g*s on the water. Jeff mentions she almost v*s. They show her choking more and she spits all of it up. It’s unclear if she’s really v*ing, but it may be triggering nonetheless.

Season 24: One World is safe

Season 25: Philippines

Episode 5: Around 17:30, Dana says the pain in her stomach started getting worse, and she gets up and v*s. I had a feeling it was coming so I paused and scanned the little thumbnails at the bottom to find when it was over. Skip ahead to about 18:40. The rest of the scene (about 6 more minutes) focuses on her illness, but there is no more v*ing.

Season 26: Caramoan (Fans vs. Favorites)

Episode 8: Immunity challenge is an eating challenge

Season 27: Blood vs. Water is safe

Season 28: Cagayan is safe

Season 29: San Juan del Sur

Episode 8: At the reward, Keith is talking about how Wes is a good kid. Wes looks kind of drunk and then gets up and walks off. I’m unsure if he v*s because I skipped ahead 20 seconds just in case.

Season 30: Worlds Apart

Episode 1: Mike v*s after eating a scorpion. (I wrote no more detail in my notes because I definitely did it retroactively. Sorry it's so vague but it's probably pretty obvious it's coming.)

Season 31: Cambodia (Second Chance)

Episode 13: Tasha coughs up a lot of water at the immunity challenge.

Season 32: Kaoh Rong

Episode 4: After the reward challenge, Caleb collapses and everyone is pouring water on him. The shot cuts to Jason helping up Cydney, who then heaves and/or v*s. I skipped ahead because it looked like she was about to v*. The scene continues with Caleb and Cydney both suffering heat stroke (crying, passing out, shaking), but there is no more v* or anything like that. It may be triggering if you are sensitive to medical stuff in general (and specifically IV/blood stuff).

Season 33: Millennials vs. Gen X is safe

Season 34: Game Changers is safe

Season 35: Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers

Episode 1: After the first immunity challenge, Chrissy collapses and v*s. After Jeff asks if she’s alright, she v*s again.

Season 36: Ghost Island

Episode 8 (note- I wrote episode 7 in my notes but from googling, realized it's episode 8. I'm not sure if this is because an episode is missing where I streamed it or if I just miswrote it): Immunity challenge is an eating challenge

Season 37: David vs. Goliath

Episode 10: After the reward challenge, Alec starts to talk about feeling sick. The next scene is kind of a montage of all of the reward winners feeling sick and some shots of Allison v*ing on the beach. Skip ahead to when Nick sees the flame and finds the idol.

Season 38: Edge of Extinction

Episode 4: When Kelley says going to a new beach is hard, there is a shot of Lauren v*ing. They then talk a little about how Lauren has been n*.

I watched Seasons 39-42 during live broadcast and did not actively maintain a list of warnings, but I do not recall any instances. Again, my memory is imperfect so be careful!

[beautyiswithinchaos]

A Helping Hand pt. 4

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 |

*** disclaimer: all new work is here: @chaos-is-beautifvl ***

warnings: not much, just Michael being cocky (you’ll get the reference later... hopefully)

word count: approx. 1.4K

tagging: @prophecy-is-inevitable @fabunicorn262 (if you want to be added/removed, just let me know :) )

The next day had arrived, and as usual, you were cleaning, dusting away the non-existent dust from the bookshelf. Gallant and Coco were behind you, gossiping on the couch. The one benefit of being a grey was you always found out something interesting. For instance, it was very suspicious when, the other day, Emily came into the main area with slightly messy hair, and Timothy followed after with a wrinkled shirt. You weren’t going to go tattle-telling to Venable or Mead (you despised both with the way they acted towards everyone), but you did tell Emily to make sure she was careful. While you didn’t care much for the residents of the outpost, you didn’t want them to die. Well, that didn’t extend to every resident.

“I mean, come on, he has to have a big dick. He just exudes BDE.”

At that, you flipped around, duster in hand. The words tumbled out before you could stop them, “Who are you talking about?”

You expected the pair to make annoyed faces and tell you to leave them alone. To your surprise, Gallant looked around to see if anyone was around before leaning forward, “Langdon.”

Raising an eyebrow, you held in your snicker, “Langdon?” Gallant nodded, a grin coming onto his face, “Yes, Langdon. I mean, have you seen him?” He sighed dreamily, “I bet he’s so good in bed.”

“I don’t know.” The pair turned to you, shocked expressions on their faces. “Maybe he’s just overcompensating because…” you paused for dramatic effect, smirking at the way they were listening to every word. “...He has a small friend down there.”

“I can guarantee my ‘little friend’ down there is nowhere near little.” You froze when a different voice came from behind Coco and Gallant. That oh, so familiar voice spoke again, “I would prove it to you, but I don’t want to give you the satisfaction.”

“You two can leave now.” You caught Gallant and Coco scampering away, speaking in quick, hushed voices. So much for family bonding time.

“Do you make it a habit of,” he stepped around the couch, “making assumptions about others?

“Truthfully…” you stopped, contemplating whether you wanted to annoy him or not. He tilted his head in foe curiosity, “Please, continue. Do tell whatever is on your mind.”

“It’s not much of an assumption if what I said is true.” You didn’t regret one word that left your way, a smirk on your face. It slowly slipped away when Langdon looked at you amused, his pink lips stretching into a grin. “Do you want to know what I think?” He didn’t give you time to answer before advancing toward you in slow, calculated steps. “I think you just want to see it. I mean…” He trailed a finger up your arm, “It makes sense. But if you wanted me to fuck you, all you had to do was ask.”

You scoffed, shoving your hand against his chest to push him away. He didn’t budge, not that you exactly expected him to. His grin only seemed to grow, if that was even possible, as he tilted his head, mockingly, “Aww, you must really want to touch me, huh?”

That’s when you realized your hand was still on him, moving with the rise and fall of his chest. You removed it and looked up at him, “I wouldn’t touch you if you were the last man on Earth, and with the way the world is now, you’re pretty damn close.”

Your eyes set a harsh glare on the man as you crossed your arms. You didn’t know where he got his nerve from, but you weren’t about to submit to him. Well, at least not yet.

The finger that had trailed its way up your arm soon joined the other fingers as he grasped your chin. He tsked, rubbing the pad of his thumb over your bottom lip. “We have got to do something about your mouth.”

You didn’t say anything, only turning your head to the side in embarrassment. You didn’t know why, but the slightest touch from him set off a million little flags - some were red, others were… good. It’s because no one has touched me in almost two years. That’s what you told yourself to make certain those little flags didn’t grow.

“Oh,” he said, turning your head so you were facing him, “Are you embarrassed? You shouldn’t be, little one.”

You opened your mouth to say something when the sound of a cane clacking against the floor interrupted you. A cynical voice spoke, “What’s going on here?”

Backing away from Langdon, you ignored the longing to stay in his touch. You also ignored the flash of annoyance in his eyes as he breathed a heavy sigh through his nose.

“Nothing, Ms. Venable.” You spared a glance at Langdon to find his eyes already on you, “Mr. Langdon and I were just having a chat. If you don’t mind, I’ll get back to cleaning now.”

She didn’t say anything, so you grabbed your duster and walked away. Before you turned the corner, you looked back. Langdon and Ms. Venable were walking away, talking. Langdon had his arms behind his back, hair swaying with each steady step he took. Right when they were about to turn their own corner, Langdon looked to you, smirking before turning his attention back to the woman.

---

It was later that night, and you were laying in bed on your back. Your eyes followed the dancing shadows cast by the candle beside your bed. Restless, you turned on your side, a sigh leaving your mouth.

After your interaction with Langdon, you spent the rest of the day in a slight trance. You couldn't stop thinking about the way he touched you. You felt wrong for thinking that way about him. He was sadistic and cruel, and you shouldn't have been feeling that way. But his touch felt so comforting and warm, you couldn't help it.

I can't stay in this room any longer. With that thought, you threw the covers off you and hissed at the coldness of the floor when your feet touched it. Grabbing the candle, you slipped your feet inside the thin slippers and crossed the floor to get to the door.

Opening it, you winced at the loud creak that sounded. You waited to see if anyone was near before fully opening the door. Peeking your head out, you were met with the darkness of the ominous hallway.

Using your candle as a guide, you padded down the hallway, making sure every move you made was quiet. You didn't want to think about what would happen if Venable or Mead (or worse, The Fist) caught you outside your quarters, wandering around.

You were about to turn when you heard a noise. Clutching your candle in your hand, you turned to the source and saw light streaming from a cracked door. Creeping over quietly to where the sliver of light was, you tilted your head to see what was inside.

A small gasp left your mouth when you saw him. Langdon was sitting in the center of the room, blood trickling down his arms and covering his chest. Small, black snakes slithered around in what looked to be an inverted pentagram drawn in blood.

His head was tilted back, blonde hair falling over his broad shoulders. You couldn't help but trail your eyes down his body - he was naked, the light from the candles placed around the circle contouring the muscles and curves of his body. Right before you could see his “little friend”, he spoke, making you jump.

“Come in. I want to show you something.” You froze, trying to keep quiet. Maybe he isn’t talking to me, you thought. Yeah, that’s totally it, Y/N. He didn’t see you. Stop being an idiot.

“You are being an idiot. I know you’re right there, Y/N. I sensed you when you came walking down this hallway.” His voice came out smooth and rough like raw honey.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, “I’m sorry, sir. I-“ You paused, unsure of how to continue without implicating yourself. “I didn’t mean to intrude. I’ll leave you alone.”

“You’ve been intruding a lot lately, little one. Maybe it’s time I ought to teach you a lesson. Now,” you heard him stand up and walk over to the door. He opened it fully, blue eyes dark with a predatory gaze staring down at you. “Come in.”

—

a/n: finally done! uhhh, not sure how i feel about this, but hey, i tried

[thosch3i]

So here's my personal ranking of DMBJ adaptations, thanks @mejomonster for the idea :D

(but psst first if anyone seeing this post haven't seen it already, there's an interest check for a pingxie gift exchange! over here.)

1. Ultimate Note (2020)

So I wrote a long ass post about UN here, where I mainly talk about the Iron Triangle because they're the heart of DMBJ and their relationship is what makes or breaks an adaptation for me, all else equal. But thankfully UN also has good pacing, faithfulness to the original story (and honestly a smoother and less confusing way of portraying it, but thats not saying much), no exceptionally cringy added romance plot lines, female characters treated as well as they can be given they were fridged in the source material, and a cast and crew with a deep appreciation and love for the characters and story, making the most of what they could with a tiny budget and no promotion. (UN is now the most highly-rated DMBJ adaptation on douban!) The main cast is a bit green, no doubt, but the longer it goes on the better they get. (If you scroll through my #translation tag far enough you'll find stuff XYL and ZSX have said about their characters. XYL especially, really understands Zhang Qiling and I will always respect him for that, which is why he's my favorite Xiaoge.) I'm just eternally sad about the ending and that there probably won't be a S2 for the main story finale because NPSS won't sell the rights again.

2. The Lost Tomb 2 (2019)

Before UN came out, this was my favorite Iron Triangle. The Pangzi and Xiaoge friendship was also super cute here! A sorely underrated friendship, for sure. And I absolutely adore TLT2 Xiao Hua. He and UN Xiuxiu would make a great team. The entirety of the first half (undersea tomb) was remarkably true to the source material (despite being unnecessarily draggy at points), and I do like that they made the Bronze Tree arc more of an Iron Triangle thing than a Wu Xie solo mission like in the novel. But uh, the second half of this drama was just...really confusing lol with so many long shots of them trudging through snow endlessly. But it's a cute Pingxie and Iron Triangle. (Saw someone once say TLT2 is the fluffy Pingxie but UN is the angsty Pingxie, which......accurate tbh.) But...man...will TLT2.5 (Heavenly Palace) ever be released from jail ;;;;;; its supposedly already filmed (different cast) but can't air for...legal reasons? idk? ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

3. Time Raiders (2016)

A wacky movie that makes no logical sense whatsoever but God it was such a fun, wild watch lmao. Pingxie were so unnecessarily gay in this, and also TLT2 Pangzi is great as always. I liked A-Ning being a total badass as well. Movie gets a bit sad when you realize there's a deleted scene canonizing the movie as book!Wu Xie's wishful thinking and fanciful story he told because he misses his friends. In reality, Pan Zi and A-Ning are dead, his San-shu is missing, and he doesn't know if he'll see Xiaoge again (which is why TR!WX is always taking photos of him, I'd say).

4. Qinling Sacred Tree Donghua (2021)

So uh this still doesn't have official English subs (you can find it on a streaming site somewhere but I can't vouch for translation quality). But it's a pretty faithful adaptation of the Bronze Tree arc, but with a slight twist to make Xiaoge more relevant. (I'm still squinting at Liang-shiye.) Still largely a Wu Xie and Lao Yang duo mission, though. But the scenery in the donghua is gorgeous and the food looks really good too...and, like, it's a good and solid adaptation. I just wish it had been an Iron Triangle adventure 😅

5. Sha Hai (2018)

Qin Hao is an amazing Sha Hai Wu Xie. I love him, and the fact that ZSX posted a photo with him ;;;;;;;; my favorite Wu Xies ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; (fun fact: to this day, QH's Weibo pfp is of himself as Wu Xie!) But anyway. Yeah I mostly just love Wu Xie here and everything he's gone through and turned himself into now that Xiaoge is gone. There are several UN parallels because they were done by the same company (which is also why a lot of the actors are the same). Unfortunately, the whole plot was....??????? and I wasn't a fan of any of the romances, or any of the side characters in general 😅 Skipped...so much of it lol. Why did they do *gestures vaguely at the entire show* Man at least they had Three Days of Silence. Small mercies.

6. The Lost Tomb 1 (2015)

They did Pangzi so dirty, I'm sorry sweetheart. That aside, the OCs were also a big ?????? and the fact that they had the iconic Iron Triangle hotel fight so early...WITHOUT THE FULL IRON TRIANGLE????????? But TLT1 Pingxie were literally a case of love at first sight soulmates so that was sweet. Also the blood feeding. Nice 👌 This Xiaoge is probably what most of the tomb-robbing world (or very casual dmbj fans ig lmao) see when they think of Zhang Qiling: aloof, mysterious, terrifyingly strong, (and kinda 2000s emo-boy-looking for some reason???)

7. The Lost Tomb Reboot (2020)

Confusingly wild deviations from the original story, really cringy romances + fridged women, and unnecessarily dragged out plot aside, I just wasn't feeling the Iron Triangle in this one 😅 Nor was I a fan of the treatment of Xiaoge. (He was stolen from his mother as a baby and abused by the Zhang family ever since, used as a convenient bloodbag to get around tombs and he didn't even understand he was a human being with a heart who could want things until he met his mother again in Three Days of Silence, where he finally regained the "heart" given to him by his mother that the Zhang family had taken from him...and then the first thing he experienced was the loss of his mother. I think this was the only canonical instance of him crying. After that, he lived a life full of mostly loss and more trauma, being kidnapped, kept naked in a basket, and used as zombie bait when he lost his memories...and knowing all this about his past, Pangzi tells him to use his blood in a tomb, enthusiastically, without hesitation. Like...you don't tell your best friend to cut himself because you think his blood might be useful. Especially not your best friend who you know in his past has been abused just like that since birth by his blood-related "family".) I do, however, think all the actors did amazing jobs with what they were given and are very talented. The effects were also good and the music is fantastic too. I don't think I need to praise Z1L's acting because everyone knows how good he is, and he pulled off that hallucination scene where he saw Xiaoge die for him just beautifully 👌 And Xiaoge smiles! Also very cute.

So yeah that's all the adaptations I've seen! It's past 1:30am so I'm a bit rambly but 🤪🤪🤪

[spnwatch]

Season 1: The Rankings

WOW it’s been ages since I’ve posted here. But before moving on to s2, I wanted to talk about my TOP TEN FAVE EPISODES. 

Something that surprised me about spn now i’ve finally watched some of it is how variable the episodes are in terms of quality. They’re not afraid to experiment either, and that flexibility is probably one reason this show lasted so long. Some things worked for me, some things didn’t. ANYWAY these are my opinions etc. just from a first time watcher!!  1.) Episode 6: SKIN. This episode, man. Where to even begin: I could be here all night. Suffice to say that the sequence where the shapeshifter sheds his Dean skin to “Hey Man Nice Shot” is just. Chef’s kiss. For the first time, the true depth of Dean’s self loathing truly came to the fore. How socially outcast he knows himself to be, all that hidden shame, that resentment he harbours towards Sam for having (potentially) a way out of the hunter life, coupled with his desperation not to lose him to the “normal world”: somewhere that Dean knows he can’t follow him. After so much posturing and bravado, that inner parodox was SO interesting to witness - he SHOOTS HIMSELF at the end -- and, for me, really steered the character into more *~ thematically complex territory ~* All the songs were good tbh. In-a-Gadda-da-Vida? Yes. 11/10 

2.) Episode 11: SCARECROW. There was just so much going on in this episode, but the thing I liked most was the setting. It looked so good!! Autumnal and pastoral. After a couple of (in my opinion) not very good-looking episodes, it was a real breath of fresh air. I also loved Sam in this episode: he looked so small standing by the side of that road. I fully understood the argument, but I also loved how dean just... called him intermittently to update him on the case?This episode really drove home to me how alone they are, how they really have no-one but each other. It also really highlighted how far Sam has drifted from episode 1: he’s on the fringes now, too. All too quickly backsliding into the role of rootless grifter, an identiy he’d tried so hard to claw his way out of. Also, there’s a tome. 10/10 

3.) Episode 12: FAITH. This. Episode. Slaps. To be honest, this is probably technically the masterpiece of the season in terms of plot, visuals, antagonist, music etc. but w/e it’s my list. Right off the bat Dean is dying and he’s like it’s fine Sammy, I’m not even mad about it, which is fucked up but then what is more fucked up is that his dad doesn’t even come when Sam leaves him a message? Dean seems to view dying as like. A thing grownups just have to do sometimes. Like jury duty. It’s extremely,extremely sad. Anyway I love the drama of Sam smashing apart the altar, I love the big tent, I love the “don’t fear the reaper” montage. It’s all, quite simply, a *~cut above~* 10/10 

4.) Episode 7: HOOK MAN. I don’t know if I was meant to love this episode so much?? I just really, really liked it. I loved the central mystery, and I thought Sam in particular really shone when it came to dealing with the townsfolk and the afflicted girl. It was one of the most thematically coherent episodes when it came to tying the monster to sublimated fear, in this instance, sex and sexuality! Damn do Americans have a weird relationship with sex. And not just with women; this episode really shone a spotlight on Sam’s sexuality wrt his guilt over Jess, his desire for normality, his coltish nervousness in Lori’s presence. There was SO. MUCH. Bonus points for ugly mid-2000s fashions. 10/10

5.) Episode 3: DEAD IN THE WATER. This was the first episode which really made me sit up and go, oh, okay. I can see why people lose their minds over this show. When it’s good, Supernatural just. Shoots a volt of pure catharsis straight into your chest. This was also the first time I really sat up and took note of Jensen Ackles’ acting chops. There’s just so much going on with him every time he’s onscreen, and each little paradoxical turn he gives to Dean’s character is a joy to witness. It was a visually beautiful episode, with a strong supporting cast. The moment I saw her in her silky lavender nightgown, twisting up her unrealistically perfect chingoin, I wished to marry Amy Acker’s character. I know she doesn’t come back to spn but she should’ve!! She should’ve!! 10/10 

6.) Episode 5: BLOODY MARY. I’ve heard tell of this episode being a bit of a fandom classic, and I support it. The last few minutes at the end? When Sam sees Jess at the side of the road in that slow panning shot, to the Rolling Stones song Laugh I Nearly Died? It was just... I think it changed me as a person, honestly. This show. It’s lower down on the list for me because how how freaking dark the lighting was at the end, but that might have just been the poor quality stream I found. But yeah, I really liked the plucky teen girl who helped them; I was pleasantly surprised to see a glamourous queen bee-type portrayed as smart and competent, and remain alive by the end. Gold star for you, spn. I know it’s all downhill from here. 9/10 

7.) Episode 15. THE BENDERS. First off, I have to give it points for the production design on that house. My brother was of the opinon it would’ve made a good video game enviroment (according to him a lot of spn is akin to a video game which... yeah). This episode also made me really acutely feel for Dean. Could it be because I’m an older sister and this was a literal nightmare scenario? Perhaps. But again what really came to the fore was the single-mindedness with which Dean acted. Sam being dead was literally not an option for him. On a lesser show that might have been left as a given, but the time was really taken to give an almost sinister intensity to Dean’s thoughts and behavior. Some really pretty car shots too. 9/10

8.) Episode 17: HELL HOUSE. What can I say about this? It’s just fun. I love the two conspiracy guys, I love the sibling prank war, I love the concept of a monster created by shared belief. The set design was cool, as was the montage at the beginning where they’re interviewing all the witnesses. It’s a briskly paced and lighthearted episode, which was a breath of fresh air and welcome break after last episode left the Winchester boys abandoned by their father. Yet. Again. Ugh. Throw the whole dad away. 9/10 

9.) Episode 19: PROVENANCE. Haunted painting! Haunted! Painting!! This is a simple lil episode but it receives points for Sam and Dean’s best and least convincing disguises thus far -- art dealers -- and a fun, sweet love interest for Sam. He’s so bashful! I thought she was smartly written and I especially liked that she took a more active role and actually helped them solve the case than other side characters we’ve seen so far. I also liked when they were standing over the grave and she was like wow, your lives are really fucked up... it’s true wtf these poor guys?? Anyway 8/10 

10.) Episode 14: NIGHTMARE. This spot was a real toss-up between this and SOMETHING WICKED, but NIGHTMARE just edged it out because of the strong supporting character Max, as well as the sheer conceptual power of psychic Sam. Something about the way Dean treats his brothers latent psychic powers as... kind of a concern, but ultimately about on a par with him developing, like, a shellfish allergy, is hilarious to me. They have so many problems, it’s just low priority! Sorry Sammy. But what really clinched this episode for me was the three second-ish sequence where Sam shoves the dresser free with his mind, Dean gets shot in his vision, and Sam bursts into the room. Brilliance. Someone call the x-men. My heart was in my mouth. BIG minus points however for the extensive heart-to-hearts. It was just too much for me. It went on for so long. 7/10 

This certainly is a show. I see that now. Anyway. Onto season 2!

[shoezuki]

This is a post on the cheating accusations around dream mostly surrounding his response video.

If you don’t want to see this or any of these posts then blacklist the tag #discourse

SO I’ve been doing a lot of digging into what dream has said in his response to Geosquare’s original video and report, which was compiled and conducted by the Minecraft Java mods on speedrun.com. 

I won’t talk about that original report in detail, but basically: the mods came to the conclusion that Dream had a 1 in 7.5 trillion chance of getting the pearl bartering rates and the blaze drop odds that he did within the 6 streams he did. As in, someone would need that luck to replicate what dream got. Therefore, he cheated. 

I’m going to put this into a sort of ‘point form’ in according to topic, attempting to put it in chronological order.

Dream’s Initial Tweets

Ok so first like. these are bad. these tweets are what he said (on twitter, excluding in the speedrunning discord) directly after the video was Uploaded to Geo’s channel. 

worth noting he did apologize later, although i wanted to talk about these two instances so i felt the need to include it. 

there’s a lot of interesting wording in the apology tweet itself too. I personally find that when he apologizes he tends to still be very subtextually angry in them with the tone, but more specifically. where he says ‘although i have reason to be upset’, that’s kinda weak and really unneeded. Alongside the ‘intense criticism’, it reads as him trying to say he’s still in the right. kind of like “im sorry i was rude even though I had reason to be rude’. Its an apology sure but he’s not saying sorry for how he really reacted; its justified to him.

Dream’s Response Video

Dream posted a response on his side channel DreamXD on the 22nd, along with the report he had a supposed astrophysicist conduct. I’m going to talk about the report separately from the video for reasons I’ll explain. 

Frankly, the video doesn’t really summarize or explain the report in a meaningful way. At most, it takes some points from it but tends to twist the numbers around, misunderstand the probability and math, and also what the report itself concludes. 

Essentially, dream’s video insists that the numbers found by the mods are wrong and therefore he didn’t cheat at all, yet the report concludes that the numbers found by the mods weren’t entirely accurate, however they’re still extremely unlikely. This is also all under the assumption that the report is entirely correct (ill say how its not next)

His first point is that only his 1.16 run (that was at 5th place two months ago, would have now been 16th) was deemed cheated. This is true; the mods have said that he isnt banned outright and theres no reason to question the legitimacy of his 1.15 runs. 

He also concludes that Geo’s statement that Dream didn’t cooperate with them, and that he deleted 1.16 mod folders, was false. This one is a little more complicated. It could more be chalked up to a miscommunication, although it’s relevant. Geosquare posted screenshots of the specific conversation they had:

Essentially it wasn’t entirely clear, i can understand how geo and the mods interpreted it in such a way. Altho April added in a quote retweet thread that dream didn’t supply the folder she asked for, so he didn’t supply everything they asked for like he states in the video

Essentially: yeah, misleading and weird on both ends. I dont think this is really anything quantifiable, although dream talked about this in the video heavily. 

Out of this though, Geo DID correct himself in the description of the mods’ video. Dream shows this in his own response, but it crops out some of what geo says. here’s from dream’s video

that Update 2 is where he corrects himself. literally why the fuck would you crop it like this and put it in the video i mean this looks so weird and genuinely doesnt provide anything. Here’s what geo actually said

Dream specifically cut it before the line where geo mentions how he said he deleted his specific 1.16 speedrun profile. This one is just so dumb to me. I’d say ‘why not include that’ but either i feel its a) so there’s no potential for people to say what he had actually said could be interpreted otherwise easily or b) doesnt want people to know he got so upset he deleted files (ego wise yknow). Again, I dont think this is definitive of anything but god. it feels scummy lmao

The Video: Incorrect Representation of His Own Report

Dream straight up doesnt present the report’s numbers properly. In fact it makes the entirety of his visuals forfeit, i.e. the gold block analogy that goes on for like 20 minutes. 

The mods said his luck was 1/7.5 trillion. Dream’s report says its 1/10 million (with the addition of 5 other streams) or 1/100 million (only the 6 streams).

I’ll only consider the 1/10 mil odds, since its all dream really brings up. but Basically; there’s not much difference between 1/10 million and 1/7.5 trillion. 

Dream says that the difference is 7.5 trillion minus 10 million, aka 7.4999 trillion. This is what his entire visual with the gold blocks is based on. This is absolutely incorrect, i cant stress that enough. 

You can’t find the difference of fractions by subtracting only the denominators. Like. this is elementary school math. it just doesnt work. 

It’d actually be calculated as: (1/10 000 000) - (1/7 500 000 000 000) = (74999/7 500 000 000 000)

If the mods are wrong, they’re only wrong by 749999/7.5 trillion. that’s literally only  0.000000099999866666667. 

Dream no doubt saw the numbers, considered 10 million vs. 7.5 trillion, and used these big numbers to hold his own point. PROBABILITY DOESNT WORK LIKE THAT. I really think he was just taking advantage of the seemingly big numbers here and wrote it out in a way that favoured him. The gold block analogy in the video played throughout the entire video practically, jokes were made on it, and he made a point of it being ‘so big the game crashed’. 

It’s just plain wrong. even so a difference in the odds doesnt prove shit. He’s downplaying his own odds that he found too. 1/10 million isnt a small number. Even though the legitimacy of that calculation is in question, it is still significant enough to proclaim he cheated. 

Some quick points before I move onto the report; these aren’t as significant in my eyes but it adds to the picture

there’s been criticism of his joking manor throughout the entire video, very specifically the Bill Nye joke. Considering he doesnt actually have a name to provide for his astrophysicist, this joke doesnt feel right

the mod he had a voice clip from (willz) even believes that he cheated and has agreed with the mod team the whole time. 

Dream never has a name for the mod who is apparently on his side (more understandable), the minecraft developer he quoted, or the astrophysicist (most damning)

Dream states that fabric is used by most speedrunners which is true, but fabric and fabric API are different; dream also had the latter installed. my knowledge of how theyre different is limited, all i really know is the API is what can enable editing of the code while fabric is more a modloader. im not entirely sure on this

Dream has said at the end of the video that all funds will go to the mod team so they can make a client that will regulate cheaters. this has been noted as feeling manipulative or like a ‘bribe’, but it definitely puts the mods in a bad position. 

either they accept it and look like they ‘gave in’ to dream and therefore acknowledge him in the right

they deny it and look selfish/taking dream’s kindness for granted

geo said they would insist it goes to a charity instead

Dream constantly disregards the mods as young, inexperienced, ‘just volunteers’ etcetcetc, despite the fact that theyre analysis has been discussed by people with confirmed PhDs without much criticism

Dream’s Report

The report itself is extremely interesting, in that it’s very questionable, but even so it doesn’t come to the conclusion that dream didn’t cheat. The tone between the video and the report is drastically different. 

This is from the “3. What are the goals of this document?” section:

It essentially says this isnt intended, from the very beginning, to completely exonerate dream of cheating. Also note that the author says the mods’ report was mostly correct. 

This is at the end of “9 Conclussions”:

It does notably say cheating isnt the only explanation, but it doesnt actually go as far to say that it’s not possible that he cheated. 

But this can be argued to not matter if we consider the validity of the report as a whole

Dream’s Report: Criticisms

Possibly the first and most known debunking of the report is by u/mfb on reddit, although there’s been much more such as this programmer criticizing the code provided at the end of the report (partially due to how the author of it stated that piglins barter 4-7 pearls, which is incorrect: it’s 4-8), Andrew Gelman, an actual statistician professor from harvard, commented on the original mods’ report as ‘impressive’ while Dream’s report is being regarded as something funny in the comments, and even analysis of dream’s behaviours and his argument by a law student

But what u/mfb posted is what i’ll focus on. Some background into the user; he’s a particle physicist, is moderator in subreddits like r/cosmology and r/astrophysics, he’s regarded as a reliable source on r/askscience and r/askreddit. Basically, multiple other people have vouched for him and before all this he had many posts in these fields. 

that’s already better than the unnamed astrophysicist. 

The post is better speaking for itself but here is a few exerpts from it;

Essentially, the report’s methods are debunked by u/mfb-, alongside that a moderator of r/statistics regarded the report as ‘nonsensical in its application of statistics’ and linked to u/mfb-’s comment. 

i’m going to end this here. Partially because severe backpain or whatever,.

but I want to say at this point its practically definitive that dream cheated, that he lied to us, and that he continues to do so. Much more could be said on his video such as his tone, intentions, the overt emphasis on the ‘biases’ of the mods. 

I havent even mentioned that the ‘astrophysicist’ themself may be a scam; they are sourced from a website that is extremely sketchy, has no names attached to it, and was created less than a year ago (with practically no traffic on it until maybe a month ago). 

But i hope this is coherent. I have interest in this so if theres questions im always open. 

[mariaiscrafting]

can i ask why you dislike dream? im not being passive agressive or something lol i am genuinely curious

S’all good, kinda figured you weren’t being, and a lot of people have asked me this lol. There are so many reasons, and I’ve said this so many times already, but I’ll try to go over some of the main things I can remember:

1) Arrogance: kinda put me off how he’s always responded to criticism. Always kinda had an air of superiority about shit, and it never really bothered me on its own because I think lots of CCs are arrogant & I’m arrogant myself, but combined with all of the following, it became a reason for me to dislike him lol

2) Manipulation of his audience: look, I kinda always knew that CCs with huge fanbases, especially CCs who grow this quickly, have some kind of grasp of how to treat and foster their audience to their greatest advantage. I’ve always been wary of CCs that put on soft or nice personalities, especially since the whole Shane Dawson debacle. But with Dream, it’s been a whole other thing ever since his cheating response video, and I’ve never been able to see him in a good light in regard to how he responds to his fans, ever since. I went into it in a lot more detail back when I first watched the video, the day it dropped, but I’m too exhausted to scrounge that post up, so I’ll summarize: that video had a very specific strategy that he used to victimize himself and appeal to his fans’ compassion for him, and after rewatching the video for the third time that day, it felt gross and calculated to me. The way that he focuses very little on the actual mathematical part of his argument. The way he frames the issue of the mods having favoritism or bias. It was already proven on Reddit and throughout Twitter that the numbers the mods looked at were for good reason, and not because they just wanted to pick the numbers that made Dream look the worst, but that’s how he framed the argument. When I logged onto Twitter and Tumblr that day, there were thousands of fans who had latched onto what he said in the latter half of that video and coming to Dream’s defense, and that’s kinda when it hit me: this guy fucking knows what he’s doing, and he’s doing it well, and I really really dislike it. There’s about a hundred other ways he manipulates his audience, including not coming to people’s defenses when huge chunks of his audience attack them (even though the people had respectful and correct criticisms of him), defending stans so adamantly in the face of antis, and posting periodic alt tweets that help garner the illusion that he super cares about his fans; but, that cheating response video was the major red flag, for me.

3) Cheating & lying: as is likely no surprise to y’all, I think Dream cheated lmao. At first, I was ecstatic that he had actually made a detailed response video and put out a report with the help of an actual professional, but as I read up on his supposed statistical argument and dissected the parts of his argument that felt off to me, I realized maybe he had cheated. Talking to some STEM major friends of mine, who weren’t into MCYT but had obviously heard about the whole debacle because they like Twitter and Minecraft, kinda put the nail in the coffin for me. I’m not nearly smart enough or have a good enough memory to detail exactly why I think he cheated on this blog, right now, in April, but essentially: his main argument relied upon claiming mod bias, instead of a sound mathematical or statistical argument; there’s no way of proving that the world files he provided to the mods and in the open source weren’t altered; the statistical problems he points out (i.e., stopping effect) don’t actually skew the original mods’ model nearly as much as his supposed PhD guy would say; and the odds he comes up with might not be nearly as impossible as 1 in 7 trillion, but they still come up to around 1 in 100 million, which is still fucking ridiculous, considering that there are only, like, 120 million people in the world who play Minecraft.  Not impossible, but laughable that he expects people to believe that. But... I guess they did, lmao. The thing that peeved me the most about the whole thing was the adamant lying lmao. When you look at the situation from the perspective of “dream cheated,” you realize just how fucked up all his Twitter responses, his adamance in streams and that video, and the general mood among his friends is... idk man, it’s just highly fucked.

4) Relationship with stans: look, there are significant numbers of  his fans that take part in Twitter cancelling vendettas, who spread around information about other CCs and their fellow fans that is false and meant to villify them, etc., and he never fucking says anything. It really, really bothers me. There are too many instances to enumerate, but a few that have caught my eye were when Dream stans would attack Techno, prior to their battle and when a Native American woman politely explained why he shouldn’t use Native music, he responded and said he wouldn’t, but tons of stans continued to attack her in her replies for “being so harsh/mean.” Like, he knows that just one word from him will make his fandom follow his beck and call. All it would’ve taken was one fucking word. There are so many fucking people that have been harrassed off of social media platforms because of the hivemind that is dttwt, for christ’s sake.

5) Reddit posts: All of the above were reasons for me to mildly dislike the guy prior to the Reddit posts, but they weren’t really enough to make me stop posting about c!Dream or reblogging fanart or reading DNF fics or watching Manhunts. I kinda just clowned on the guy, answered the occasional ask about the cheating thing or something related, and left it at that. The Reddit posts not only pissed me off for their content, but for the lying, as well. Do you think I fucking cared about him cheating at speedrunning Minecraft, of all games? Fuck no. What I cared about was the adamant lying that went into the whole debacle. Kinda the same with the Reddit posts. I’m one to usually forgive creators who acknowledge past errors, obviously. It is creators who try to brush stuff off, or even worse, create an elaborate lie to cover up allegations, that put me off a fuck ton. This is the reason I could never be comfortable with watching Pewdipie after I realized all the shit he had brushed off, and it’s now the reason I can’t go back to watching Dream. There is so much evidence that points to guilt, including but not limited to: his first move when the slideshow dropped (before posting to Twitter) being deleting as many old Discord messages as he could, the contradiction between him at first denying the account was his at all then changing the story to say he shared it with a friend, the wording and phrasing in the political posts being almost identical to the non-political posts that were clearly him (i.e., the one that explains his demographics perfectly), and the timing of the political posts (some of them being posted mere minutes after posts that were verifiably him, like the picture of Patches to the cats subreddit). People can claim that he’s likely changed, and what this it matter, as long as politics don’t affect his work now, but I can’t believe this fundamental misunderstanding of why bigotry in entertainment matters. I’ve always had a problem with the adoration this fandom has for cishet white men, and the constant criticism of non-cishet, non-white, non-men, but this really feels like the final slap in the fucking face. It’s like everyone truly believes that it doesn’t matter, that his beliefs couldn’t have possibly affected the way he’s treated fellow CCs in his circles or any of the number of people that depend upon Dream, directly and indirectly, for employment/CC clout. It’s like everyone truly believes that political ideology has no effect on the way we perceive, treat, and behave around other people in literally any field, not just politics. I, just... Christ. I don’t really wanna unpack my emotions about this whole thing right now, so I won’t. I’ll just say: I dislike Trump supporters and ex-Trump supporters alike, I dislike conservatives who claim they’re centrists (every fucking guy my age does this, it’s infuriating and makes me want to bash my head into the nearest wall), I dislike people who levy their fans against criticism - even when it’s righteous - and I dislike people who lie about their past actions; Dream fits all those categories, so I dislike him.

[jcisthebestfightme]

5 times Yizhan choose each other over something else + 1 time we can do the same for them

Disclaimer: Treat this as fanfiction, because it’s actually based off a bjyx fanfiction prompt on ao3: “5 times yizhan were asked to make a choice between love and any other thing”. I saw this prompt over a month ago and it stuck with me. Since I don’t have the patience to write an actual fanfiction, I started to observe if I can realistic instances to fit this prompt. 

1) Gg chooses dd over his pride. During the TJ fan-meetinng, the host talked about gg and dd’s thin waist. Dd was extremely unhappy and rudely rebutted the host. Afterwards, it can be seen that gg is telling dd that it was fine and he should’ve just laughed it off. Here, gg is more worried about dd being seen as “rude” and would rather take the hit than to cause harm to dd. 

Easter Egg: The tone here is almost scolding, warning dd that his straightforwardness could be misinterpreted and use against him. Gg is usually polite but this lecturing response shows us that he treats dd as someone that he cares about, someone that is close to him.

2) Dd chooses gg over dancing. I’ve mentioned more in detail here. But basically, dd loves to synchronize his dance moves exactly with the beat of the music. Usually when dancing by himself or with others, he’s more focused on the dance moves. Even with his own trainee, he is more focused on demonstrating the right moves (becoming a role model) and hoping they can catch up to him. However, when dancing with gg on variety shows, he’s more focus on synchronizing with gg and making him feel comfortable. (People joke that he’s watching his face and not body.) He would repeat moves he already did or moves backwards when gg did in order to match him. Of course there is also the difference between dancing for fun vs dancing for a performance. But we can all see how happy dd is after he dance with gg regardless.

3) Gg chooses dd over his schedule. This comes directly from Bombology (great video btw, highly recommend.) Gg was suppose to be filming a commercial for two days. However, dd wanted gg to attend the 11th anniversary of ttxs where every host brings their “musical partner”. (Strange right? They’re acting partners, not really musical partners. But the key here is that gg’s attendance that day was NOT to promote The Untamed.) The director of the commercial later said during a live stream that they had to condense their 2 day filming schedule into 1 because gg had to go film ttxs. What goes into this change in schedule? For someone as polite and serious about their job as gg, it probably took him a lot of apology and coordination with the other cast and crew to achieve this, not to mention extra work now that they have to fit 2 days of filming into 1. And then when he went to ttxs, he had to learn the aforementioned dance routine on the spot. Did he seem mad about all this? Nope. He did it in whatever way to make dd feel happy.

4) Dd chose gg over motorcycle. Everyone that knows WYB knows how much he loves motorcycle. His fans are even call “motorcycle jie jie” because he once said his motorcycle is his girlfriend. So this became a shock to me when I noticed something. This may be over or mis-interpreted so don’t quote me on this. Remember the bts where gg said that dd sent him 5 high-def photoshoot images? Dd then refuted with “What no, you sent photos to me first.” Gg then said “I send you photos of helmets.” (The sub here said selfies but if you listen carefully, it’s actually helmets. It’s probably helmets that gg is asking dd to choose for his birthday present.) However, dd didn’t hear the word helmet and continue to argue, “You sent me selfies.” Then gg admitted that he sent selfies but that they weren’t high-def photos with large files. The point here isn’t that dd misheard selfies for helmet, but the fact that gg did indeed sent both helmet AND selfies. But what did dd pay attention to and remember more? The selfies. Yes, dd has found someone that grabs his attention more than motorcycle. 

You think this is stretch? dd mentioned before in order for him to want to talk to you, you must have some similar interest with him like skateboard or motorcycle, etc. However gg has 0 interest overlap with him yet he talks to him the most. 

Easter egg: One time, during an interview, the host ask dd what he would respond to fans saying “You only have us.” He said “No, I still have my motorcycle.” What is interesting is that when he said motorcycle, he looked over at gg who was sitting next to him. 

5) Gg chooses dd over rest. During the filming of The Untamed, you can see dd having more energy and wanted to play with/bother gg. But gg has significantly more lines to memorize and scenes to film so he’s usually either tired or trying to memorize his lines. There are of course instances when he does play around with dd. But what’s more telling are the times when he needed some rest or some time to focus on his lines and dd is just frankly (to me), being annoying. However, gg never once demonstrate any body language or words of finding him annoying. Yes he does tease him like saying “shut up” or telling others to ignore him (I think that roof thing had something more to it though, related to something that happened earlier that day but I’m not really sure). But even during these times, you never feel like he’s annoyed at dd. Instead, even when he’s busy, he’s creating a safe environment for dd to just play around and be himself. 

I just want to point out that even though they made each “choice”, none of these are “sacrifices.” They willing did these things for the one they love and they never have to feel like they’re giving up a part of themselves for each other.

The 1 time we can choose them over ourselves: Respect them. Do not give false media the means to harm them by ignoring negative, berating news. Do not give stalker videos or information attention so they’re not encouraged. Support all their works, even if certain contents may “ruin the ship” because that’s part of their job. And if bjyx turns out not be real, be happy for them anyways because they found people that can make them as happy as they are now.

[2manyfandoms2count]

You can count on me (I will be there for you)

Another week, another YCCOM chapter! It’s a long update as well, feat Alya, fake-Adrien, oblivious and melodramatic Marinette, and Chat Noir (who is also a little oblivious because it’s fun) 👀

Hope you enjoy! xx

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | AO3

---

Chapter 5

Marinette doesn’t really pay attention during the bridal party toasts. She’s lost in her thoughts, giggles when others seem to, and drowns the very present realisation that she might be sitting two chairs away from her blackmailer in champagne.

She doesn’t notice how fidgety Alya is during her Maid of Honour speech, or her sideway glances when she makes puns that earn her eye squints from Adrien. Those go unnoticed, too.

She temporarily jolts back to reality when Adrien wraps an arm around her waist and leans his head on her shoulder during a very emotional part of Nino’s speech (or so she assumes, from the audience’s aws). And then, again, when the warmth leaves, as he stands up and takes the mic.

At that moment, she can’t help but look up to him and his hypnotising smile. He’s holding her hand as he speaks, and it feels like he’s talking exclusively to her as his eyes bore into hers. Unfortunately, she’s too lost in his green glittering gaze to make out what he’s saying.

She can tell it must be beautiful from the oohs and aahs she hears in the crowd (out of her peripheral vision, Sabine wipes her tears away, and so does Tom - there is no such emotional scene on the Agreste side), but as much as she tries to, she just cannot bring herself to listen. There’s something about Adrien's eyes that’s so familiar. She drowns in their tenderness. She can’t put her finger on it, but something hurts a little inside of her at that moment, there’s a yearning for something that she can’t deny. So much so, that it pulls tears out of her eyes as Adrien tells her, for the whole country, perhaps the whole world, to hear “I love you, Marinette Agreste. As Chat Noir and Ladybug say, it’s you and me against the world. And I am beyond honoured to be on your team.”

She isn’t sure if it counts as bad taste.

At the end of his speech, she gets up, pulls him into a hug, and nuzzles against his neck, the tears still streaming down her cheeks. He tilts her chin up gently to check on her, smiling lovingly at her, and she kisses him.

It’s what a good wife would do.

And that’s what she’s supposed to be today. Not a scheming superhero, waiting for the right opportunity to bolt bad guys behind jail bars, instead of making the most of her wedding day. Not a woman who sees the almost-too-perfect execution of a play she helped stage, which makes her question if the male lead won’t end up broken-hearted by the end of it.

After they’re done eating the delicious lunch, the catering of which was supervised by none other than Tom and Sabine, she drags Adrien off towards a balcony with a very convincing giggle (the champagne, she supposes). Adrien follows her eagerly before he notices that he forgot his phone at the table. She tells him to hurry as she steps outside. The cool air does wonders to sober her up.

Chat Noir makes it to their meeting point before Adrien does, a little out of breath. Marinette smiles at him. This will be quick. It has to be, for Adrien’s sake.

“Hey, guys, sorry to keep you waiting.” The groom says as he carefully closes the door behind him.

“No worries, dude.” Chat Noir smiles warmly. “Well done on the speech, it was really beautiful.”

“Well, anything for Marinette, right?” Adrien turns towards her and she blushes.

“Beautiful speech indeed.” She clears her throat. “Unfortunately,” well, maybe not for me, since I couldn't highlight any phrase to save my life she thinks, “we’re not here to delve into it right now.”

“Is everything alright?” Adrien frowns.

“Well…” Marinette scrunches her nose and shares a glance with Chat Noir. “We’ve had news on the blackmail situation.” Better to bite the bullet now. They’ll have plenty of time to chat later.

“Oh. Bad?” Adrien bites his lip.

“It’s really too early to tell,” Chat Noir replies. “But we have a lead, and we have to act fast.”

“I see.” Adrien nods. “How fast, exactly?”

“We have to take a quick trip somewhere. We’ll be back before you know it, don’t worry.” Marinette says. “Perks of having a Miraculous.”

“Then that’s no problem, girl!” Adrien smiles. “I’ll hold down the fort while you two are gone.”

Marinette frowns. He doesn’t usually call her “girl”. That’s more of an Alya thing.

She doesn’t catch Chat Noir shooting a thunderous stare at Rena Rouge, hiding behind curtains two windows down. The foxy lady grimaces sheepishly and mouths a “sorry” in his direction.

“Er… Sorry, I think my conversation with Alya, and then her speech, rubbed off on me.” Adrien scratches the back of his neck.

“Oh, right. Yeah, that happens to me too, sometimes.” Marinette shakes her head with a small smile, and both Chat and Rena let out a small sigh of relief as she changes the subject. “Anyway, our goal is to make it back before the first dance, so you won’t be alone for too long. I’m going to get Rena Rouge to join you, to make my absence more inconspicuous.”

“Sounds good.” Adrien and Chat Noir nod.

“So I just need to speak to Alya, and then Max before we go.” Marinette strokes her chin.

“I can go and get Alya!” Adrien’s hand shoots up, almost brushing against Chat Noir’s. The latter jumps away, afraid that the illusion might break.

“That would be great, thanks.” Marinette smiles softly.

He disappears off before she can tell him how grateful she is that he is so understanding, but not before he can shoot her a very longing look, one that reminds her of the way he used to look at her sometimes back in collège.

She sits down on the bannister, breathing in and out deeply as her fear of breaking his heart strikes again. Chat Noir joins her, taking her right hand in his.

“Hey, how are you holding up?” He asks, gently tracing circles on the back of her hand.

“Okay, I guess.” She shrugs. “Just getting a little antsy about all this. You have the Miraculouses?”

“Yep.” He pats his pocket, making it jingle slightly.

“Good.”

Her leg bounces as they wait. She seems more on edge than her partner had anticipated, but it could be because of the great performance Alya provided. As perfect as fake-Adrien’s way of looking at Marinette would have been in public, he thought it was a little over the top in this instance. And anyway, when had Alya ever seen him look so love-struck?

“Hey Chaton?” Marinette breaks her tense silence and his thoughts.

“Yes?”

“You don’t suppose Adrien might… love me, do you?” Her eyes are wide with worry, and Chat doesn’t know whether to burst out laughing, hug her, or let the melt-inducing smile he can feel coming on invade his face. None of this transpires as he stares back at her blankly, lips only slightly twitching.

“It’s just… the toasts. I didn’t catch most of it, but his feelings looked so… real.” She breathes out.

Chat Noir lets himself laugh. “You do realise that a couple of hours ago, you were worried he would bail, and now you’ve done a full 180° by thinking he might be too invested, right?” He teases.

“I know, I know, it’s stupid, right?” She lets out a tense chuckle as she shakes her head. “You’d think I could read my husband better than that.” The cheekiness of her small smile isn’t as strong as it could be, but Chat Noir will take it all the same.

“He’ll be fine, I paw-mise.” He smiles tenderly, considering whether telling her that her second reading isn’t far off at all would be saying a little too much, or if he could get away with it.

He doesn’t have time to reach a conclusion. There’s a small knock on the window pane, and Alya lets herself out on the balcony. Marinette gets up and he follows suit.

“Hey, girl! Adrien said you were looking for me?” Alya’s pace is breezy as she walks towards them, until her eyes land on him. She stops in her tracks with an audible gasp. “Chat Noir? What are you doing here?”

He rolls his eyes at her dramatic entrance, but smirks as she comes to stand beside him. “Hi, Ladyblogger.”

“Hey Alya, thanks for joining us.” Marinette clears her throat. “I’m going to cut to the chase. We’ve got a bit of a situation, which is why you and Chat are here.”

“Is that so?” Alya crosses her arms behind her back. She gently nudges Chat, who discreetly extends a hand towards her. Alya places the necklace in it, and he subtly slides it back into his pocket.

“Yes.” Marinette takes a deep breath and wrings her hands as she mentally prepares herself to give her best friend the information she’s been looking for for almost as long as she’s known her, completely oblivious to the silent hand off taking place in front of her. “Alya, I have something important to tell you. I’m really sorry for not telling you earlier, but I swore not to tell anyone. I promise that I really didn’t want to keep this secret from you, I-”

“This sounds serious, are you ill, or something?” Alya cuts her in her rambling, doing her best to act clueless and concerned, even though Chat Noir can tell that she’s practically buzzing with excitement.

“No, it’s nothing like that, don’t worry. It’s pretty small, all things considered.” She pauses. “I’m… I’m Ladybug.” She whispers gently, wincing as she anticipates her best friend’s reaction.

“WHAT?!” Alya’s exclamation is a little too loud, her smile a little too wide for it to be completely genuine. Chat Noir elbows her ribs to remind her to tone it down. She makes up for the lack of volume with extra theatrics. “You mean, all this time, I was so close, and you never even gave me a hint?” She clutches her chest. “You watched me dig around, for years, knowing that I was going in a completely wrong direction?” She gasps. “You even mislead me on some of my paths!”

“I know, I know, I’m so sorry!” Marinette grimaces.

“I feel so stupid!” Alya fake sobs, bringing a hand to her forehead. “What else have you been hiding from me all this time? That Chat Noir is actually Adrien?”

Marinette stares at her blankly for a second, before bursting out laughing. Chat Noir knows it must be nerves, but he can’t help but feel a little offended that the thought has tears streaming down her face, struggling to catch her breath. He shoots another death glare at Alya (what are you playing at?), to which she answers by a shrug and a smirk (sometimes things are best hidden in plain sight).

“No, I’ve seen them together, so it isn't possible.” Marinette wheezes, standing straight and nudging Chat Noir. “Can you imagine, though? That would have made everything so much easier.” She wipes her tears and takes Chat Noir’s hand in hers. “I don’t know who Chaton is. We’re waiting until Hawkmoth is defeated to drop his mask. Which actually might come about a lot faster than we thought it would.”

“I see.” Alya squints suspiciously. “By the way, you two seem pretty chummy, care to explain yourself, Mrs. Agreste?”

Marinette winces. It’s one thing being called Marinette Agreste, but it feels a lot weirder being called Mrs Agreste. “Well, see, Adrien and I are just a temporary arrangement.” She pauses. “He knows, and he's fine with it, though. I think. Anyway, you would’ve found out eventually, but I’m telling you now because I actually need you for something.” She changes the subject to escape further inquiry.

She quickly goes over the circumstances of their speedy wedding, leaving out none of the details regarding the blackmail and her suspicions. Alya regularly peppers in some gasps and “no!”s, convincingly pretending all of it is brand new information to her. Her reactions become more genuine as Marinette talks her through their plan to go and investigate the Agreste Mansion while the coast is clear.

“We haven’t told Adrien where we’re going, so he’ll be staying here.” Marinette exposes.

“Shocker.”

“But we’d need you to make sure my absence goes unnoticed. I’m giving you free rein, you can do whatever you feel necessary.” She nods towards Chat Noir, who takes out the Fox necklace and gives it ceremoniously to Alya.

“Adrien is going to be hiding out in a room and I can do anything to make it credible that you two are together?” She waggles her eyebrows suggestively. “I thought I was supposed to give you a gift today.” She grins.

Marinette’s cheeks heat up at the insinuation.

“Just remember our- THEIR parents are around, as well as the press so… Saying Marinette and Adrien are off for a nap might be sufficient, no need to be over the top.” Chat winks.

Alya looks at him inquisitively, and mouths “our?”. He shakes his head. He can slip up, too. Marinette doesn’t pick up on any of this, again. Chat isn’t sure how he feels about her being so absentminded. If the situation wasn’t as urgent as it was, he’d probably make his identity one of her wedding presents. It would relieve the stress, no doubt.

Unfortunately, the situation is what it is, and they can’t afford to lose any time when they're running on such a tight schedule. Besides, he’s afraid the revelation might put her off her game even more, at this point.

“Wait, so if I’m in your room with Adrien,” Alya puts her hand up like they’re still in school, “and you’re at the Agreste Mansion… Who’s watching our pals Gabe and Nath?”

“Nobody, why?” Marinette frowns.

“I just think it might be a good idea to have them surveilled in case they try to make a getaway. You never know what you might find.” She rubs her chin pensively. “Something in your whole blackmail story smells kind of fishy.”

“You think so?”

“Well, let’s put it this way; what could Gabriel Agreste possibly gain from blackmailing you?”

Her question is met by silence. Marinette shares a glance with Chat Noir, before looking at her feet. Once again, she regrets how quickly the events have taken place since she received the first letters. Had it not been so rushed, maybe Chat and her would have settled down for a minute, to consider that question. Whoever the blackmailer was, he must have wanted something.

“Do you think he might be in contact with Hawkmoth?” Chat Noir’s voice comes out as a strained whisper.

“I wouldn’t rule out that possibility.” Alya continues carefully. “I mean, if he leaked your identity to the press, or used any public communication to get the info out to Hawkmoth and Mayura, then I assume you’d give up your Miraculous, right? And the city would probably grant you some kind of protection for your outstanding services during the years; if not the Mayor himself, then at least the citizens. You saw how quick they were to help on Heroes’ Day, all those years ago.”

“Right.” Marinette mutters.

Seeing that her friend is not going to elaborate more, Alya continues. “So, my bet is that whoever’s blackmailing you, be it Gabriel or somebody else, is somehow in contact with Hawkmoth, and is standing by to send him your identity if you don’t cooperate. Hand him the element of surprise on a silver plate. What does the bastard want?”

“Nothing.” Marinette whispers, hiding her head in her hands. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice earlier.”

She takes a deep, shaky breath as her heart rate picks up.

This is taking proportions she didn’t foresee. Part of her feels like panicking, what a disaster of a wedding, the other reminds her that even if everything had gone differently, she probably still wouldn’t have felt ready.

She feels Chat Noir stroking her back soothingly, and she straightens up. She’s not alone. She’s got him, Alya, Adrien, and a whole dormant team of superheroes a few feet away. They can do it, together.

“Thanks for your insight, Alya.” She takes her hand and squeezes it. “I think I- we" she glances at Chat Noir, "were a little too close to the board to see the whole situation.”

“Always happy to help, girl.” Alya smiles back.

“Chaton? We’re going to need back up.” Marinette turns towards Chat Noir.

“One step ahead of you, my Lady.” He grins as he holds up the Turtle bracelet and the Dragon necklace.

Marinette smiles at him gratefully. He sees her face change as the plan she'd come up with earlier shifted in her head to take the new elements into account, her eyes squinting to see inside the room, nose scrunched what he likes to call the Lucky Charm way.

His Lady is back, and if her confident smile as she explains the first steps of the plan says anything, she’s ready to kick some butt.

[pluto-ink]

DREAM SMP AND WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED

// OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS FOR WHAT HAPPENED ON THE DREAM SMP TODAY 12/4/20 //

These are just my own thoughts about the exile stream today. It’s mostly focused on Tubbo’s character, but also on the entire cabinet he has (i.e. Quackity, Fundy, and Tommy).

I watched mostly Tubbo and Tommy’s streams so that’s where most of my thoughts are coming from. (also this is very very long so I’m going to put it under a keep reading)

TUBBO DID THE BEST THING FOR LMANBERG!!

Tommy wanted to get Technoblade on their side to overthrow Dream, and Quackity and Fundy were immediately on board with this plan. Quackity despises Dream and he believed that giving in to his demands would lead to Tubbo just becoming another puppet under Dream’s control. Tubbo stated multiple times that he did not believe that this would be a good idea. The three were eventually able to coerce him, but he made it clear he didn’t think going to Techno would be helpful. 

1. Because Techno was in retirement, so there was no guarantee he would even come to their aid

2. They were just using Techno like they did with Pogtopia and look how that turned out. 

3. Tubbo himself is a president so this would have put him and his administration in danger. 

Quackity, Tommy, and Fundy are convinced going to war against Dream with Techno’s help is the best thing to do. Objectively, this is idiotic. Quackity, Tommy, and Tubbo are all on their last canon lives, they don’t have the guarantee that Techno will even help them, and none of them have the resources needed to defeat Dream or Techno for that matter. When they finally do meet up with Dream, Tubbo makes the decision to exile Tommy. Up till this point, no one! NO ONE!! Has listened to Tubbo. They’ve undermined him every single time he proposes an idea or a solution, all while saying ‘oh well you are the president you have the final call’. Tubbo had no other choice in this situation. If he let Tommy stay, a fight would have broken out that they CANNOT win. 

Tubbo realized that the only way to keep L’manberg’s citizens safe, as well as, 3/4ths!! Of his cabinet, was to exile Tommy. Before this Tubbo has made it very clear that this was a last resort. HE HAD NO OTHER OPTIONS! Fundy comparing Tubbo to Schlatt in this situation holds no sound logic. Tubbo exiled Tommy because it was the only thing he could do to protect his nation, NOT, because he wanted to abuse his power as Schlatt did. Everything the Schlatt administration did was to give Schlatt more power. Tubbo has made it very clear that his only ideal is to protect L’manberg and to keep the peace. Teaming with Techno would NOT be keeping the peace, and no one else in the cabinet is able to understand this. Mostly because they cannot look at the big picture. Tubbo did this because if he hadn’t it’s very likely that Tommy, Quackity, or him would have died and lost their last life. Tommy had to be exiled. 

The ONLY other person who is even capable of thinking of the bigger picture is Quackity. Quackity is somewhat able to understand Tubbo’s decision. The conflict between them arises because Quackity is able to see that negotiating and doing what Dream wants will lead him to doing more stunts like this in the future. Tubbo realizes this as well, but realistically, they do not have the supplies or resources to come out on top of Dream. The other problem here is that Quackity doesn’t understand Tubbo’s motivation. He thinks Tubbo is becoming the next Schlatt because Tubbo went back on their plan and “betrayed them”. In reality, Quackity and Fundy have been undermining Tubbo’s authority since DAY 1! They continuously talk over him, pressure him into decisions, try to start fights, and now they both believe he is becoming like Schlatt which is blatantly untrue. Quackity makes Tubbo promise to not pull something like this again, but this is the first time Tubbo has truly used his power as president instead of being talked over. Tubbo is finally standing up for himself and for his nation, and immediately, his cabinet has decided that he’s becoming evil and corrupt like Schlatt. 

Even now with the Butcher Army going after the L’manberg hitlist (aka Techno and Dream). It goes against Tubbo’s philosophy of peace and wanting to start a new era of L’manberg. Which he’s been fairly successful in! EVeryone wants to say that Tubbo has been doing a bad job as president, but truly he’s been the best president of L’manberg yet. He was able to get Dream to officially recognize L’manberg as a separate nation, and every decision he’s made has been in L’manberg’s best interest. I don’t know how the Butcher Army is going to go, but after this, I’m assuming not well. I think it’s inevitable that Quackity is going to leave Tubbo for Tommy. Whether this happens after they try to kill the Blade or before remains unseen. 

This is pretty much just an essay explaining and justifying Tubbo’s decision, but in the end the only true villain here is Dream. He took a small mistake on Tommy’s part, and made it a much bigger deal than it needed to be. Various members of L’manberg have been griefed and just had to go along with their day and fix it, but one misstep in the SMP and boom, obsidian walls and banishment. Tommy truly isn’t at fault here, and neither is Tubbo. Everyone is just being pulled around by their strings as Dream plays puppetmaster. This means that everyone’s end goal should be taking down Dream. The Butcher’s Army is a step in the right direction, but it’s clash with Tubbo’s ideals could lead to even more conflict down the road. I think the catalyst here is going to be Quackity. He is the one character who has had to deal with Dream’s puppet master ways in multiple instances, with Mexican L’manberg and L’manberg. He is the one constantly pushing to overthrow and take down Dream. And now with Tommy exiled, Quackity is going to have to be the one that unites the various factions to overthrow Dream. It’s only a matter of time. 

[wecantseeyou]

a word on color - how line of duty series 6 uses wardrobe color to frame narrative (pt 3)

Author’s note: this is Part 3 of this essay. For Part 1, read here, and for Part 2, read here. I apologize for the mad low-quality screen grabs in these posts, but the streams I have access to are not good, and the BBC makes it damn hard to use a VPN to access content. This part covers episode 4, because it’s already clocking in at 3k words (and the whole thing is over 10k). Will do my level best to have an analysis of 5 and 6 done by tonight’s episode, but timezones are a bitch. Again, American here and therefore likely missing cultural context. Also again, fully unedited.

Thank you for so many kind words on the other posts. Anticipate a conclusion of sorts to this essay on Monday (if I can get my hands on a stream quickly).

EPISODE 4

Episode 4 opens in the middle of our favorite type of scene - an MIT briefing. With Buckells’ arrest, Jo has been made acting DSI, and she makes her debut in a navy suit with a green sweater over a grey shirt. She notes that they have to consider evidence trails that have been overlooked, and as she says they have to look at a potential burglary, note the cut to Ryan. Jo then invites Kate, wearing her now classic orange and navy striped sweater and navy suit, up to go over the information recovered from the missing files regarding the robbery. After the briefing, Kate asks to look more at the firearms used in the robbery that derailed the Banks arrest, which Jo agrees to and offers to file the correct paperwork. 

Jo’s outfit in this scene is indicative of the truth behind her actions. The score and framing of the shots in this scene are intentionally made to make the viewer suspicious of Jo, but in reality the suspicion should fall on Ryan. Despite the danger to herself, Jo is encouraging the transition of the inquiry toward the robbery because she knows there is a thread of truth there. One could assume she has no choice but to continue down this path because of AC-12’s investigation into Buckells, but given her position of authority she could have continued to stonewall the investigation and didn’t. While she may be forced to interfere later, she’s setting the MIT investigator’s on the right path.

Kate’s outfit, per usual, plays into her combined desire for justice and her allegiance to Jo. She’s a good detective - she knows there’s a connection between the botched robbery and Gail’s murder, and she knows it’s the firearms. Jo also demonstrates that she’s on the straight and narrow by generating the action, further confirming to Kate that she was right about her boss. 

Next, we see Ryan the Bent Bastard Pilkington watching Jo walk into work, a mirror of the multiple instances in previous episodes when Jo was watching Kate. The audience is supposed to make this connection, of course, to play into suspicions against Jo, but there is a key difference here. Jo actually sees Ryan watching her - he wants her to see it. When Jo was watching Kate, she always made sure to look away, even when Kate had clearly seen her. Those looks weren’t a threat - they were Jo wrestling with something, which we begin to see more clearly in this episode. 

Donned in her best blue coat and a blue scarf, Kate meets Hastings to discuss Pilkington. Ted wants to bring him in immediately, but Kate doesn’t think it’s time yet and convinces him not to. They briefly discuss her move to MIT and how his behavior affected her decision to transfer, which she admits is true. Up to series 5, Kate tends to have a fairly black and white morality with a very strong sense of justice. It’s what makes her such a good undercover operative. It’s why she can have the moral high ground in her conversation with Ted and he agrees with her - she’s often right.

AC-12 interviews Buckells, and because Jo has expertly taken advantage of his vices, ambition, and stupidity, the former DSI is arrested for perverting the course of justice. (By the by, this is an incredible legal term, much better than obstruction of justice, the US term.) Steve, as always, pushes him hard, but doesn’t seem to fully buy into everything he’s being accused of. This is actually shown in his outfit, a grey suit with white shirt and green tie. The green tie, while a cool color, shows that he is not fully aligned with AC-12 in this moment. 

We see this disagreement spelled out in the narrative text immediately afterward. Kate and Steve meet at night in a car park, and Steve shares his belief that Buckells isn’t the man they're after. Kate disagrees, believing that Buckells plays the stupid card on purpose. Steve also floats his suspicions about Jo again, which Kate quickly shoots down. Steve thinks Jo is manipulating Kate and pulling the wool over her eyes, but Kate thinks it’s Steve who might be reading too much into things. Steve is in the same outfit he wore during the Buckells interview, and Kate is in her navy coat. In this case, Steve’s outfit represents his disagreement both with AC-12’s view of Buckells and with Kate’s view of Jo. Meanwhile Kate’s outfit represents her surety that Buckells is bent and Jo is anything but. 

Later, Kate and Lomax go over the firearms reports between the robbery and Gail's murder. They believe the guns were workshopped, and are therefore untraceable, but Kate has an idea: talk to one of the robbers about their guns. Kate’s genius is on full display, putting her on the path toward the truth, and her outfit reflects that: a navy suit with a blue shirt buttoned all the way up.

Kate, still in her all blue ensemble, and Lomax interview one of the suspects from the armed robbery at the bookie about the firearms they used, and discover the boys were offered a set of workshopped guns that they refused. To Kate, this confirms an OCG connection between Gail Vella’s murder and the armed robbery. Jo, dressed in a grey suit and black turtleneck, watches the interview from another room, anxiety plain on her face.

That anxiety stays on Jo’s face all the way through to when she’s peering through the bushes by Farida’s house, where Steve rolls up to chat with Chloe in a navy suit. Chloe shares that forensics have picked up many DNA samples from Farida’s home and are sure to have results soon. I genuinely can’t make out what Jo is wearing in this scene, so I won’t jump to conclusions and analyze further.

After visiting the crime scene at Farida’s, Jo returns to her home in a grey coat, yellow sweatshirt, and red shirt. As she sits at her table, she removes a blue scarf from around her neck. She checks the OCG messaging service from her last message, and is worried by the lack of response. Her desperation gets the better of her - she wants out. She angrily says so, and when there’s no response throws the laptop to the floor.

The choice to put a blue scarf on Jo that she removes is a very deliberate act. As she shits down at the computer, Jo must put away her true nature and her good heart to engage with the OCG. She is literally removing her sense of justice, leaving only her corrupt actions - the yellow sweatshirt and the red shirt. But there she sits, in her blue-draped home. Trying to push her true self away is not enough - her heart wins in the end. She can’t keep betraying herself and the people she cares about anymore.

But she knows it isn’t that easy.

Meanwhile, AC-12 calls Kate in to update her on surveillance placed on Ryan Pilkington, who is following Jo. This startles Kate, and tells them she was with Jo at the time Ryan was following her. This piques Steve's interest, but he doesn’t immediately comment on it. He does however suggest Ryan is actually meeting with Jo, not spying on her, but Kate shoots him down again. "You got evidence of that?" she asks. This hostility toward her former partner catches Ted's interest. Kate thinks they should warn Jo about it, but Hastings disagrees because they lack information and doesn’t want to risk tipping off Jo if she and Ryan are working together. 

The clothes in these AC-12 team meetings are interesting, because they place both Kate and Steve on the side of truth. Kate in her blue jacket and grey shirt, Steve in his navy suit and grey shirt. They’re wearing mirroring costumes in part to highlight their disagreement - visually connecting them in the face of their growing tension about Jo’s loyalties. But their coordinated looks also serve another purpose: they’re both right. Yes, Jo is working with Ryan in the sense that Ryan is present at MIT to intimidate Jo into continuing to do the OCG’s bidding. And no, Jo isn’t bent, at least not intentionally - there is goodness in her heart despite the ways in which her actions have gone against that, and Ryan is a threat to her well-being. Our favorite detectives may be at odds, but at the end of the day they’re on the same page.

There are a number of Steve scenes here, but all you really need to know is that he’s going to save the world via waistcoat.

Kate following Hastings’ instructions last about as long as it talks the gaffer to say ‘I’m in the business of nicking bent coppers.’ She and Lomax inform Jo about the results of the interview with the armed robbery suspect, who described seeing weapons like the one that killed Gail Vella at the workshop. Kate dismisses Chris, and speaks to Jo on her own, and interestingly specifies that it isn't personal, it's work. She mentions her apprehension about Ryan, and warns Jo that Ryan has been spying on her. Jo asks how she knows, and Kate, the good UCO she is, lies and tells her she saw him at the pub herself. Kate implores Jo to be careful and heed her warning about Ryan, saying, "look Jo, I don't want to worry you, but it's a trust issue." Cue Jo putting her hand on Kate's arm in a callback to the handhold (which Kate reciprocated). Before we can really see Kate's reaction, she pulls back as officers approach where they’re standing.

Despite Kate directly contradicting AC-12’s orders concerning warning Jo, her navy suit and blue shirt tell us that she’s doing what she believes is right. As we’ve seen time and again, Kate doesn’t believe that Jo is bent and that Ryan is a threat to her safety, and as I’ve discussed before, she is right. Her decision to tell Jo also gives her an out - one which Jo attempts to use later, with sadly no success. Jo’s black turtleneck and grey jacket both shows how Kate has misinterpreted Jo’s relation to Ryan (though not his threat), and the conniving part of her personality. Jo is an incredibly calculating individual, and she knows Kate has just given her an excuse to get rid of Ryan, both helping herself and keeping up appearances that she isn’t associated with the OCG. 

A quick word on the arm touch here - Jo is again doing two things here. Jo is walking doublespeak. Her words have two meanings, her clothes have two meanings, her actions have two meanings. The arm touch is a nonverbal thank you to Kate for telling her. It’s also the first act of intimacy between the two women since Jo began to pull away after the reservoir incident. This is Jo offering an olive branch for a problem Kate isn’t even fully aware exists. 

Immediately after Jo and Kate’s conversation, we see Jo sitting in her office, watching Ryan. She calls him in, and lets him know that she's going to have to let him go due to budgetary constraints, though she'll keep his commendation originally from Buckells. As I mentioned before, Jo saw Kate's information about Ryan to be a way to get rid of him, both protecting herself and validating her in Kate’s eyes. But of course, nothing is that simple. He gives the most chilling look back at her, calm as can be, and thanks her. 

Kate looks on, and reassures Jo with a nod that she's done the right thing, which the boss tentatively returns. Kate is pleased because Jo listened to her warnings, but Jo is terrified because whatever she knows she’s made a mistake.

Back in AC-12 land, Chloe and Steve interview Jimmy Lakewell, who agrees to be an informant. Cue the OCG ambush and Steve sniping someone from several stories up with just a handgun while laying down (I don’t usually have to suspend my disbelief quite so much for this show…). There isn’t much to say about this part beyond Steve wearing the traditional AC-12 cool tones.

Later, Jo returns home for the night, still dressed in a grey suit jacket and black turtleneck, and just as she’s about to walk in, the Bent Bastard puts a gun to the back of her head. “It’s that easy, Jo.” This is the first time the audience directly sees the threat to life that Jo is under from the OCG. Before this, we’ve mostly just seen the consequences to her personal life, through Farida, and her clear discomfort with her own actions. Now we see what actually makes her so fearful, the reason for car park panic attacks and 5 locks on the door - if she doesn’t do the OCG’s bidding, she will die. 

It’s the confirmation the show has been teasing all through this point, in Jo’s clothes and apartment, but intentionally obfuscating through tense music cues and intimidating camera angles. Jo is not bent because she’s a bad person - she’s doing bent things to save her own life.

Back at the Hill, Jo is waiting outside for Kate to come in. She’s standing above Kate on the stairs wearing a grey coat, navy suit, and grey turtleneck. Kate approaches wearing a cream sweater and her navy coat She asks for an update on the armed robbery inquiry, which hasn’t progressed particularly far. Kate takes the opportunity to ask about Ryan, and Jo tries to tell her he's fine and that there aren’t any OCG links. When Kate pushes, Jo threatens the DI by mentioning her own suspicious behavior when it came to the incident at the reservoir. "Drop it, Kate. That's an order."

This scene is notable in a few ways. First, this is the second time where Kate and Jo have disagreed and Jo has pulled rank to end the discussion. The first time was after the Terry Boyle interview where he nearly revealed who the real killer of Gail Vella was. In both instances, Jo knows Kate was on the right track but uses her position as the boss to stop her. This is quite different from the Jo who wants to see Kate at the weekend. Second, I want to comment on the camera work here. When the two meet on the stairs and discuss the firearms tracking, they remain in the same shot walking together. Once Kate brings up Ryan, they stop walking and move into over the shoulder framing. This serves to visually represent the way tension is increasing in Jo and Kate’s relationship. When we first met them, they moved together, often in sync (“great minds”). Now, we more frequently see the shots separating the two women, showing the growing distance resulting from Jo’s actions and Kate’s instincts. (COVID-19 shooting protocols probably also add to this, but we can’t theorize otherwise because we don’t know how the look of the show would’ve been under different circumstances.)

The other thing to note here is, of course, the wardrobe choice. Now, one would expect that as the tension grows between the two women and Jo continues to put walls up to distance herself from Kate, their wardrobes would reflect that. And in some smaller moments, they do. But for the most part their wardrobes when together remain much the same. In fact, this scene puts Jo in a very similar turtleneck to the one she wears in her first scene with Kate, and Kate is wearing the exact same yellowish sweater. Jo, dressed in cool tones again, is playing the part of the bent cop, keeping Ryan in MIT and threatening Kate. But as we know, there’s more to this than meets the eye. She’s keeping Ryan around after he threatened to kill her, and she’s threatening Kate to keep her away from Ryan - to protect her, in Jo’s own twisted way. Meanwhile, Kate is concerned for Jo’s safety, clearly evident in her just barely warm toned sweater, but she’s confused because she knows for a fact that Ryan is bent - why would Jo keep the man who’s been following her around? What is she missing? This detective’s instinct in Kate, the one that tells her Jo is good and not bent but something is wrong, is encapsulated in that navy coat, the uniform of AC-12.

We then see another piece of the puzzle that the show has been hinting at for some time, though is still not revealed in this episode. Chloe comes to Steve with the DNA results from Farida Jatri’s house and she’s confused. Steve, dressed in his level best navy suit, light blue shirt, and red tie, reads on and a look of shock comes over his face. Going slightly out of order in what is the final scene of the episode, Steve and Chloe bring this news to Hastings and it’s revealed that Jo’s DNA was a partial match for another DNA sample, one of a known criminal. Thus it’s revealed that Jo Davidson is in it a little deeper than anyone could have suspected.

The preceding scene is at the Hill, where we see Jo standing outside looking off into the middle distance with a blank stare. She’s wearing an outfit we’ve seen her in numerous times so far, perhaps most notably with Kate for the first ‘date’ at Frederico’s - a navy suit with an orangish brown sweater. She seems lost in thought when the door opens and Pilkington walks out to her. He asks if he’s heard the news about the dead inmate at Blackthorn prison - James Lakewell. A look of recognition passes her face as she asks, “What was the cause of death?" And in a truly terrifying callback to episode 2, Ryan responds, "Being a rat, ma'am." 

Now, this threat from Ryan is interesting. It’s the second threat in as many scenes between the two, and it’s quite a bit different from a gun to the head. Obviously, Ryan is playing the role of the dutiful OCG plant, an ever-present eye on Jo’s actions, but the fact that he’s warning Jo against being a rat specifically raises an eyebrow. Though we don’t have immediate textual evidence here, and neither does Jo, I actually think this is a warning about her relationship with Kate. We see this fairly clearly in the next episode with the OCG’s fear of AC-12’s investigation and Kate’s role in it, and I think Jo suspects much the same. In the next episode, Jo is not merely distant with Kate, she’s openly hostile to her more than once. She isn’t just stepping away from Kate, she’s full on pushing her away. I believe that has to do with this warning from Ryan - she can’t let her relationship with Kate put her life in danger, and she can’t let Kate fall into the same fate.

This explains many of her actions in episode 5, and the central dilemma that leads to the fateful lorry park.

[foxghost]

Joyful Reunion, Chapter 14

Translator: foxghost @foxghost tumblr/ko-fi1 Beta: meet-me-in-oblivion @meet-me-in-oblivion tumblr Original by 非天夜翔 Fei Tian Ye Xiang Masterpost | Characters, Maps & Other Reference Index

Book 1, Chapter 4 (part 2)

Though he misses Lang Junxia, Duan Ling has gradually understood something: perhaps if his father didn’t come, Lang Junxia wouldn’t have left.

Some will come and some will go — it’s just like how Lang Junxia described it himself. You can’t have all the good things that happen in the world; one will always have regrets, one way or another.

A lot of things feel like they were pre-arranged for him by the heavens itself.

Not without astonishment Duan Ling realises that if he ever has questions about any of the books he’s reading, as long as he brings them up to Li Jianhong, he can almost always answer them. On top of that, while his answers are wholly different than those the headmaster comes up with, they do not contradict his other interpretations, leaving Duan Ling little option but to be persuaded.

“Dad, didn’t you tell me that you didn’t get much schooling?”

“Life is limited, knowledge is limitless.2” Li Jianhong answers, “Who can truly say they’re well-read? All one can learn are bits and pieces. The more you know, the less you understand.”

Duan Ling only half understands, but he nods anyway. Today, he has flipped through his books for a while, and now he asks, “Dad, Confucius said that a gentleman reveres three things. What does that mean?”

“First to revere fate, second to revere the ruling class, third to revere the words of sages. A wretch who does not know the inevitability of fate would not know he should revere it..”

“Revere doesn’t mean fear.” Li Jianhong gives an impromptu explanation as he looks out into the courtyard, “It means to respect. Only by honouring one’s fate can one find shelter.”

“And what does fate mean?” Duan Ling asks.

“Everyone has something that they must accomplish in their lives, and that is decided from the very moment they are born. Some are born to farm, some are born to fight in wars, some are born to be the emperor. There are all kinds of fates, endlessly dissimilar.”

“But how am I supposed to find out what my fate is?” Duan Ling asks another question.

“It makes perfect sense for you not to know,” Li Jianhong puts down his bowl and heaves a sigh. “Dad doesn’t know either. Independent at thirty, confident at forty, knows one’s fate at fifty, said Confucius — we’re not supposed to find out until we’re fifty.”

“Isn’t that too long?” Duan Ling doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Yeah. We spend the first half of our lives bumping about in the dark not knowing what we’re supposed to do — it’s truly a waste of time.”

Li Jianhong gets up and walks away, but Duan Ling is still thinking about what his father told him; he finds him far more interesting than his teachers.

But soon Li Jianhong is walking past his door again. It’s drizzling outside, and Li Jianhong has changed into a cloak. He has a bundle in one hand. “Don’t you need to go to the Illustrious Hall today? Want to keep going to school?”

“Oh!” Duan Ling remembers now — today is the day he’s picking up his papers. He’ll be able to pick up the last essay he wrote at the Illustrious Hall and get it stamped by the headmaster so he can hand it in at Biyong College. He’s nearly forgotten, but Li Jianhong somehow still remembers everything, and takes him out on horseback. They plan to go get the papers, then head to the ink room to register for the exams before heading out of the city for a leisure trip.

Shangjing’s Biyong College is situated in the middle of Zhenghe Street, teeming with pedestrians and carriages that come and go in an endless stream. A line has already formed outside, all from noble and high-ranking functionary households. Standing apart from the crowd, Duan Ling and his father look on, both of whom dressed in plain commoners’ clothing.

“Do you envy their show of wealth in their beautiful carriages?” Li Jianhong asks without much thought.

Duan Ling shakes his head. A lot of these people are his fellow alumni from the Illustrious Hall. They’ve spent years studying with each other, but he never imagined that they came from such eminent families. Duan Ling says to Li Jianhong, “The headmaster taught us that one must be content with poverty and be the ruler of one’s own self.”

Li Jianhong nods. “Even though the headmaster talks a lot of nonsense, in this instance he is correct.”

Duan Ling laughs as he goes to get a number for registration on his own, so Li Jianhong pulls his hood down low until it covers half his face, and he stands in the shadows as he scans the faces of the passersby.

“Duan Ling!” Cai Yan calls his name from a distance. “What are you waiting for? Come over here!”

Though Duan Ling has completed his course of study at the Illustrious Hall, he has made few friends; because Lang Junxia made sure he only lived in the secluded side wing, he had little opportunity to meet with his fellow students. The only people he’s relatively close to are Cai Yan and Borjigin, whom he met on the first day, and Helian Bo who was occasionally given the standing punishment along with him.

Cai Yan came with this older brother as always, and he beckons at Duan Ling. So Li Jianhong walks over to greet them, saluting Cai Wen with one hand wrapped over his fist.

“Thank you for looking after him,” Li Jianhong says.

"I hardly did anything. "Cai Wen smiles, returning the gesture.

Cai Yan rests his arm over Duan Ling’s shoulder, letting him line up in front of himself, and the two of them exchange pleasantries. Duan Ling seldom sees Cai Wen, and he cannot help recalling that one winter where Lang Junxia was injured. In the days following that incident, Duan Ling returned to the Illustrious Hall, and Cai Yan came to see him without prompting; noticing his swollen right eye, Cai Yan thought Duan Ling was beaten by the adults at his house, and talked with him for a while to console him.

Ordinarily the two of them were almost never in the same class together. By the time Duan Ling started school, Cai Yan was already in the literature pavilion learning the four books and five classics ahead of time, as well as writing essays, and by the time Duan Ling advanced to the literature pavilion, they were classmates only for a few brief months before Cai Yan was taken back home, where his brother hired someone to teach him. Therefore the two of them did not see each other often at all.

But Duan Ling did have some idea of Cai Yan’s family situation. He knows that even though Cai Wen is Cai Yan’s older brother, the two did not share the same mother, and Cai Yan’s needs to be taken care of by Cai Wen everyday the same way Lang Junxia looks after Duan Ling. It made Cai Yan and Duan Ling intangibly closer still. Aside from this, Cai Yan and his older brother had also run into Duan Ling and Lang Junxia twice outside of school; once at the Mid-Autumn lantern festival, and the other time at the Double Third festival3 on a spring outing by the water.

However, Ding Zhi seems to like Lang Junxia, but not Cai Wen so much, thus when their respective elders happen to run into each other the atmosphere feels a bit awkward.

While the young men stand in line, the adults around them have a friendly chat. Duan Ling has forgotten to introduce Cai Wen to his father; Cai Wen is dressed in sky blue casuals today, looking quite dashing with a fighter’s bearing, like a sharp, newly forged sword. What they talk about is nothing more than the two children’s studies. Compared to the respectful distance Lang Junxia tends to keep, Li Jianhong comes off as far more cordial.

When Lang Junxia is mentioned, Li Jianhong merely brushes off the subject with a simple, “He’s my servant, and I wasn’t going to let him interfere too much in my son’s studies. Once I finished work and came to Shangjing, I sent him back to the south to take care of the business.”

Cai Wen nods. “I’ve been told you’re a merchant, Duanxiong?”

Li jianhong nods. “It’s not going so well. I was just thinking about finding some other way to make a living. Ambition I’ve plenty, but with all this war going on it’s hard to find a foothold anywhere, so what can I do but eat away at my savings while sitting idly on my hands. I’ll worry about that when I’m done watching over my son and he’s grown.”

Cai Wen laughs. “Judging by your bearing, Duanxiong, surely you wouldn’t have to eat away at your savings. You’re just being overly modest.”

Though Li Jianhong’s clothes and ornaments are not extravagant, his every movement and every word carries a particular aura, far from anything like a nouveau riche. In recent years Shangjing is filled with all kinds of folk, rich and poor alike; many nobles have also taken their entire families to shelter beneath the Liao celestial emperor’s feet. Though Cai Wen thinks Li Jianhong is no ordinary man, he has already met Duan Ling, and so he does not think too much of it.

Cai Yan sees a youth walking towards them and says, surprised, “Helian Bo!”

Duan Ling says smilingly, “Helian Bo!”

“You’ve come too!” Cai Yan greets him, “Come over here.”

Helian Bo has grown as well; he often got sent to stand out in the hallway alongside Duan Ling as punishment, and at fourteen he’s already rather tall, with dusky skin. He’s dressed in the Xiqiang fashion, with high brows, deep-set eyes, and chiselled features. Ordinarily he looks rather imposing simply standing there without saying a word, but in fact, he stutters.

Helian Bo is with his steward, so he nods at Duan Ling and Cai Yan, then tells his steward to leave before going to stand behind the two of them silently.

“Did you see Borjigin?” Cai Yan says offhandedly.

Helian Bo shakes his head. He looks at Li Jianhong, obviously the first time he’s ever seen him.

“My dad,” Daun Ling finally remembers to introduce him.

Helian Bo puts one palm on top of another, so Li Jianhong nods at him and returns the salute. Duan Ling looks behind him to find a carriage stopped on the road. Helian Bo points over that way and explains to Duan Ling. “My mom.”

His mother’s the one who brought Helian Bo here to register. Shangjing custom does not allow female family members to appear in public, so Helian Bo has come to line up by himself. He cups a hand over his fist to Cai Wen and the others in an apology.

The young men chat casually with each other for a while, and when it’s their turn, Duan Ling wants to let the others go first, but Helian Bo makes a gesture palm up at Duan Ling, please go ahead, and along with Cai Yan the two let the youngest among them go first.

“Duan Ling can come over whenever he’s free.” Caii Wen says, “I hired a teacher from the south. He can choose some of the easier material to teach him for now.”

“It’s wonderful of you to offer, thank you,” Li Jianhong says.

Cai Wen waves it off, don’t mention it, while Duan Ling has already gone inside with his answers, handed it in, and got it stamped. Li Jianhong says goodbye to Cai Wen, and he steps away with Duan Ling to pay the exam fee.

By the time Duan Ling is done, his friends are already gone. Noticing that Duan Ling is still looking back to search the crowd repeatedly, Li Jianhong asks, “You have friends that didn’t come?”

“Batu didn’t come.” Duan Ling replies, “We said we’d come today to register for the exams.”

Li Jianhong thinks to himself for a little while before asking Duan Ling, “Did you make any other friends?”

“Those are the one that are good to me. But I don’t know why their families are so strict with them.”

“Well, I forgot to ask, actually. Was Lang Junxia strict with you?”

Duan Ling shakes his head. It’s already been a while since he parted from Lang Junxia, but when he thinks about the past, he cherishes the comfortable years he spent with Lang Junxia very much still. Not that he didn’t want to play around, but Duan Ling was terrified of disappointing him. However, he can tell that Cai Yan, Helian Bo, as well as his other fellow classmates seem to have been having a hard time, as though there was a constant gloom pressing down on their heads.

“Helian Bo and the others … I don’t know how to say it, but they always looked like … looked like … um …”

Li Jianhong says, “Like there’s a ghost trailing them, forcing them to study so they can’t even laugh out loud.”

Duan Ling smiles. “That’s it.”

“They’re all mature beyond their years. They’re not like you.”

Duan Ling heaves a sigh.

Li Jianhong says, “They’re all heirs of politcal hostages, so naturally ever since they were little they understood more than those around them.”

“Well, I know that. But is it all that scary?” Duan Ling asks.

Li Jianhong holds Duan Ling’s hand as they walk down the street. “Helian Bo is the son of the Xiqiang royal family’s Helian Luan. Borjigin is a descendent of the Yuan Jiwowen line. As for the brothers Cai Wen and Cai Yan, they’re the offspring of the Cai family who moved north to work as officials in Shangjing. They’re children from mixed marriages with Khitan women.”

“In other words,” Li Jianhong explains, “Their dads are all foreigners, and most of them are royal kin. They’re here as hostages in exchange for peace between their home country and the Liao empire. If war breaks out between them, the Khitans will kill them.”

Duan Ling falls quiet for a moment before he asks, “Who is Southern Chen’s hostage?”

“The Southern Chen imperial family doesn’t have a hostage here — because the Han refuses to yield.”

“A lot of people who went to school with you in the Illustrious Hall are the descendents of the Liao empire’s south-side bureaucrats. If they ever defect, the Liao emperor would kill their sons.” Li Jianhong asks, “Do you know a child with the last name Han?”

“I do!” Duan Ling immediately thinks of that Mister Han.

“He’s actually Khitan. His dad is the imperial tutor of the southern administration.”

Duan Ling nods. He’s standing at the intersection with Li Jianhong; Dayu’er Lane is right next to them. Duan Ling stands there, and peers in for a while. “I want to check Batu’s house.”

And so Li Jianhong steps into Dayu’er Lane with Duan Ling, but they discover that many Khitan soldiers are inside, questioning everyone they see.

“Who’s there?” They’re immediately on guard.

“I’m …” Duan Ling has just started speaking when Li Jianhong’s hand on his shoulder lightly presses down.

“When I was taking my son to register earlier I ran into General Cai outside Biyong College.” Li Jianhong says smoothly, “He noticed that Borjigin was absent so he asked me to come check on him.”

“It has got nothing to do with Cai Wen.” The officer says, “Return and tell him to mind his own business.”

Li Jianhong nods at him and leaves with Duan Ling, a slight furrow between his brows.

“Why are they …”

Li Jianhong puts a finger over Duan Ling’s lips, letting him know not to ask. By the time they get home, Duan Ling has already forgotten all about it, and goes to work in his flowerbed. After a while, Duan Ling finds Li Jianhong getting some sun on the recliner in the courtyard, his eyes narrowed as though lost in thought.

“Dad.” Duan Ling is going to ask him to go sleep inside, but Li Jianhong’s eyes open and he beckons Duan Ling closer.

So Duan Ling goes and sprawls all over Li Jianhong. Li Jianhong holds Duan Ling close to him with one hand, and takes his hand with another.

“What’s this? Your hands are covered in mud, just wiping it on your dad’s face all day long.”

Duan Ling wipes both hands on Li Jianhong’s clothes and says, “I’m hungry.”

“What do you want to eat? Let’s go get something at a restaurant …”

Duan Ling is about to wash his hands, but Li Jianhong doesn’t loosen his hold; he carefully examines Duan Ling’s expression while looking at his eyes. “Tell me this before you go. Are you good friends with Borjigin Batu?”

There’s gravitas in Li Jianhong’s expression, and Duan Ling gets a bit worried, thinking Li Jianhong must disapprove of him making friends with Batu, so he starts thinking about how he should answer. And yet after just this short pause of hesitation, Li Jianhong is saying to him, “If he is then say he is, if he isn’t then say he isn’t. What’d you think I’d do to you?”

Duan Ling answers, “He is.”

“Life is long, and you must have a few friends. Go wash your hands.”

I do not monetise my hobby translations, but if you’d like to support my work generally or support my light novel habit, you can either buy me a coffee or commission me. This is also to note that if you see this message anywhere else than on tumblr, do come to my tumblr. It’s ad-free. ↩︎

It’s by Zhuangzi. The full quote is Life is limited, knowledge is limitless; the pursuit of the limitless with the limited can only end in failure. ↩︎

The double third festival happens on 3-3, on the third day of the third lunar month. ↩︎