#I’m sorry Joel

[theywhowriteandknowthings]

Warning: Discourse incoming.

I told myself I’d never get involved in these kinds of discussion because I’m a firm believer in “You do you/No Kink shaming etc.” But this one is a fairly serious one. It’s long, I’m not putting a cut in there, but please just hear me out.

There’s a disturbing trend in some fic writing I’ve noticed lately, and I have to say something about it.

We all know I’m a sucker for dark fics, be it CNC, dubcon, even non-con and horror elements, so I’m not here trying to tone/content police people’s writing. I want to make it very clear that this is not about vilifying people who write dark stuff, or things I’m not into. Hell, if I don’t want to read something, I check the tags and warnings and nope out before I get the ick. (As everyone should, there’s no point getting yourself wound up or triggered by content you can just simply scroll by.) 

However, this is where my current concern comes in. 

I’ve seen lots of very prominent writers not giving adequate warnings or disclaimers about the content they write. 

I’ve come across a lot of content where Joel (sorry buddy you’re the worst offender here, Ilu tho) is being labelled as a dom – and even more worryingly labelled as a soft dom – when the relationship is not about safe dom/sub relationships/kink. 

If Joel is spanking you so hard you can’t sit down in lieu of “teaching you a lesson” when there’s clear lack of enthusiastic consent (or often any consent at all) this is not s/m, this is abuse. 

If you’re having your readers receive physical or sexual punishment for actual life slip ups/non-role play scenarios, you’re glorifying abuse.

If you’re not labelling your fics correctly, you’re being negligent to your readers, and this should be a safe space for us all to read and create without being unduly triggered because we had inadequate or no forewarning.

For example:

Javi P kisses a girl, you make him pay for it in a way that is clearly pre-established (you have to spell it out people) as consensual in your relationship? Kink.

Joel spanking the shit out of you because a man flirted with you in a bar? Abuse. 

Din edging you until you cry because you were competing in how much you could make the other jealous in a pre-agreed dynamic? Kink. 

Joel denying you sex, or fucking you without prep/making you cum because you did something to annoy him/he doesn’t agree with and you aren’t enjoying yourself? Abuse.

I thought we were over this with the discourse that came about around 50 Shades, but clearly not. So please, tag your fics with appropriate/adequate warnings. As a survivor of sexual abuse and grooming, I need to know if your fic is going to contain and/or glorify these things. Again, I’m not saying don’t write these things, but it is your responsibility to tag adequately.

It’s a simple concept that I see applied across the board with age gaps and power dynamics, and most of the time people get it right. But when posts with 1k+ interactions are explicitly abusive, with no warnings other than S/M dynamics or “soft dom!Joel” when it’s anything but soft, aren’t just triggering to some, they’re harmful.

You can’t have a healthy relationship with Joel (again sorry buddy) if that relationship contains thinly veiled or brazen abusive elements. 

If you don’t know the difference between coercive behaviour, sexual or physical abuse, and safe, consensual kink, you need to educate yourself for your own benefit, and that of your readers. 

Feel free to reach out to chat with me about this, I’m not here to run and gun, but I will not tolerate any form of abuse or unkindness (on either side of the aisle) here.

[mando-abs]

Me @ Joel

[hotenbiidyke]

that watch isn’t the only thing that’s broken

[dredgesnails]

i genuinely think the people who insist the life series is scripted just don’t understand the difference between something scripted and something that’s been given a basic premise and directives that everyone involved in agrees to play along with for the bit. like, no, specific moments aren’t scripted, but there’s a reason the series isn’t just “best pvper wins” and it’s because they deliberately prioritise entertainment over pure skill because the same person winning every time just wouldn’t be fun.

like, for the most part they’re a bunch of drama kids who have been given the perfect playground to act out the shakespearian tragedy of their dreams (some more so than others) (hello rendog) and they’re given the tools and situation to do so but everything else is just improv. and they’re also just having fun like i think we should all remember they’re doing this to have fun with their friends and play on a server where anything goes and they can grief all they want and sometimes they’ll just make stupid mistakes like walking off the side of a diving board and dying because they were so miffed about losing to a best tower competition they forgot where the stairs were, or blowing themselves up with their own tnt trap because they placed one block in the wrong place.

also i think people forget just how generally predictable people are in general, like after five seasons you can definitely start to guess how people will behave because they’re just like that. joel is reckless and he likes to poke the bear, martyn is good at staying alive but not good at keeping hearts (the difference between winning limlife and going out early in secret life), scott is good at the social game and a formidable opponent but also terribly self sacrificial, bdubs will betray anyone he’s allied with if offered something good, etc etc etc

[noctude]

couldn’t resist the call of drawin a bunch of characters

[sarafroot]

If 😭 I 😭 ever 😭 were 😭 to 😭 lose 😭 you 😭 I’d 😭 surely 😭 lose 😭 myself 😭

[luvrxbunny]

mini blurbs ─ ★ joel miller x f! reader

a/n: so many joel thoughts! how could i ever take the time to make a blurb for each of them!!? 😱

wc: 1k

warnings: 18+ MNDI, a few handjobs, some piv

-> you waking joel up with a handjob, it’s early so he’s sensitive, emotionally and physically, moaning and squirming. he keeps looking at you with this insanely fond look, something about it makes him look so soft. he also won’t shut up about how he feels. and he says it with so much force, willing you to believe him. “i love you, baby” “l-look at me? i love you so fuckin’ much.” “y’makin’ me feel so good. y’feel like heaven, my fuckin’ angel.”

-> joel fucking you relentlessly, and brutally because he needs it. you’re a good girl, you take it ofc. he’s grunting and groaning gruffly, barely talking aside to say “take it” or the occasional “just like that” but once he cums he’s instantly back to his usual, soft and loving self. “are you okay, baby?” “m’sorry, was i too rough?” “took it like such a good girl though, so perfect f’me”

-> you being unable to jerk joel off while he’s standing because his knees buckle and he can’t help folding in on himself or leaning into you, causing him to slip from your grasp and the same goes for going down on him— when although even when he’s seated he either cages your body in his completely, hunched over your head like he’s worshipping your mouth, or he’s spread out over the bed like he’s the god. (he is)

-> joel needing you from the second he comes home but still trying to make small talk. like he walks in and you hear him take a sharp breath once he lays eyes on you. his fists ball up and he’s so tense you can almost see him shaking as he takes a deep breath. you see movement around his crotch before he’s turning around to put his things away. “so h-how was your day? good, i’m hopin’. ” you entrain him even though you know he’s just trying not to seem desperate. “yea it was good, babe” he smiles. “are— are you tired..? or anythin’?” you make it a point to look in his eyes with a smirk. “never too tired for my favorite guy”

-> joel awkwardly thanking you after the post sex glow has worn off. he’s given you aftercare, cleaned you up and all that. as you guys are cuddling he starts to feel like he needs to do more so he just “thank you, baby. that— that was incredible. i— thank you.” you start giggling at him and he knows he’s being awkward so he gets all red and blushy, hiding his face in the back of your neck while telling you to shut up

-> just all the faces he would make while trying to hold his moans in. like when you guys first start getting sexual he’s still nervous so he tries to keep quiet. his brows furrowed, or tilted up. his eyes shut, rolled back, or fluttering while they try their best to stay on you. his lips bitten, pursed or sucked in. i think his hands would be everywhere too, covering his mouth, stroking over his beard, covering his eyes, running through his hair.

-> joel grunting, whining, and moaning lewdly above you as he fucks into you with the same neediness he’s been giving for the past 35 mins. falling into your neck and muttering “mm not yet. not yet. fuck” until you pull him away and question what he’s saying. maybe he has wetness on his lashes, from overstimulation, pleasure, or love “i don’t—“ he breathes out a sharp, shaky breath. “don’t wanna cum yet.” he lets out a shaky, broken breath. “you’re so good.”

-> the first time you get joel off in public he thinks you’re just trying to tease him but he’s too sensitive to handle it. so he warns you, “you—“ a shaky breath in and out as his hand comes up to cover his mouth. “you’re gonna make me cum” a smile spreads over your face but you keep looking forward, as his breathing speeds rapidly. you can see him glancing over at you every few seconds. “you— baby.” a whine almost slips out. “i’m- you’re gonna make me— i’m— fuck. i’m- i’m gonna c- holy fuck. please.” he whines and you hear his breathing become erratic.

-> the confused look on his face when you make him cum much much harder than he expected. i imagine you’re jerking him off, he’s sitting against the headboard with his arm around you. he warns you that he’s going to cum, his hips start bucking and his lip gets bitten by his teeth. he’s spilling over your fist in no time but once he expects his orgasm to stop, it just builds up to a new level of pleasure. his mouth drops open and his brows furrow. his eyes cast downward, watching your hand move over him and the way he’s coating you. then his gaze shifts to you and his expression looks like you’ve offended him before melting into one that makes you think he’s going to cry. that’s what let’s you know you’ve done a good job.

-> he begins to be able to tell when you’re gonna make him cum really hard and he starts to have a tell tale saying that alerts you. you’re not even sure if he realizes that he says it every time. his eyes shut and he runs his hand through his hair. he starts to shake his head lightly like he’s realized what’s going to happen and his hand slides down to your thigh, gripping the fabric of your pants before rubbing his hand over it, trying to soothe himself. “i’m—“ his head keeps moving back and forth as speaks. “it’s gonna get everywhere.” he groans under his breath, the sounds leaning a bit farther on the whiny side before he attempts to speak again. his hips shuffle upwards, sinking himself further into the chair while bucking himself into your fist. he gazes up at you with sex hazed eyes and confesses “m’gonna cum everywhere” before biting his lip harshly and burying his face in your neck, where his groans vibrate against your skin.

-> joel not being able to look at you while you guys are having sex. he’s so much more sensitive than you that every little thing pushes him closer to the edge, so it he wants to last long enough for you to cum on him, there ends up being a point where he has to fuck into you with his eyes cast to the side or shut tightly. he’ll be looking down at where the two of you meet before deciding he wants to see his pretty girl again. once he reaches you face there’s a shock of pleasure in his stomach before flowing down to his cock. he grips your jaw and forces you to face the opposite direction he turns his head, like he can’t even have you looking at him when he’s like this. he groans into his shoulder like he’s angry and mutters “too fuckin’ pretty. this shit ain’t fuckin’ fair.”

-> when he’s close, instead of telling you to stop, slow down, or distracting you with kisses, he tells you to “be gentle” he says it repeatedly, with hisses and whines in between. the closer he gets he starts to just “gentle, gentle, gent- oh sweetheart—”

-> he gets turned on by how turned on you get when he tells you that he’s close. he sees that light spark in your eyes when he tells you that he’s gonna cum and it makes him pulse even more intensely. like he could be on the outskirts of his orgasm but once he sees your reaction to his confession he’s got two seconds, tops, before he’s spilling all over you.

-> once you guys start getting sexual, it’s very easy to tell what he does or doesn’t like, what turns him on and what doesn’t. because he breaks out in goosebumps every time you give him even a bit of arousal. you could cook him a meal and when you come back he’ll have goosebumps spread all across his arms, all the way up to his biceps, even some across his neck. he tries to play it off as if you can’t see the way he’s fattening up in his jeans.

-> (for poc) joel loves the contrast of your skin to his cum. the first time he cums on you he has to have a serious pro and con session as to whether he likes cumming in you or on you more. he’s embarrassingly hard within the next minute after he cums on you. he’s just staring at it, maybe smearing it around a bit before jerking off right above you. he probably hasn’t even explained himself to you. he’s just been in a trance since his ropes landed on you.

-> you’re the first time he hears the phrase “cum for me.” and he loses his mind. it’s the loudest you’ve ever heard him and he cums so hard some lands on his chin. he spends the next few minutes shaking from the force of his orgasm and trying his hardest to regulate his breathing.

OKAY IM DONE!!!! pls show this some love guys!! it’s so long i feel like it should go in my main masterlist 💀

[sugarcoated-lame]

JOEL FUCKIN’ YOU WHILST YOU’RE ASLEEP?! kricket… kricket………

smut below the cut*

warnings: pre-established cnc, somnophilia, unprotected piv, 18+ minors dni

hehehehe SEB !! my love 🧡

YES Joel fucking you while you’re asleep! I am a firm believer that as long as you’ve talked about it and he knows you’re okay with it, Joel, especially pre-outbreak, would LOVE to get his mouth on you while you’re sleeping and wake you up with his tongue (I mean I literally wrote a whole fic about that lmao), but also his cock 🫠

He just loves having you at his mercy, loves how sweet and peaceful you look, a beautiful angel in his bed with your hair all spread across the pillow like a halo around your face, and he can’t help but want to touch you, want to feel you. can’t help it because you just feel oh so good wrapped around him, but also because he likes for you to wake up to him making you feel that good too.

I could definitely see it happening on one of those nights where Joel gets home really late from a contracting job, tired and wound up from a long, stressful day and wanting nothing more than to relish in you and your warmth.

You’d tried to wait up for him, but when Joel walks into the bedroom, he finds you sound asleep on top of the sheets, your body closer to his side of the bed than yours.

Laying on your side, clad in nothing but one of his big t-shirts, your chest slowly rising and falling in even breaths beneath the soft fabric, the book you’d been reading to try to help you stay awake lies abandoned at your side.

The sight of you in his clothes, sleeping peacefully on his side of the bed, all snuggled up to his pillow, stirs something in Joel, his cock twitching beneath his jeans and he knows he has to have you, to feel your softness and warmth to make him forget all about the day he’s had.

smut below the cut** ❤️

Joel undresses quietly and shuts off the light on your bedside table before carefully climbing into bed behind your sleeping silhouette. His fingers find the hem of your—his—shirt and gently lift it up to reveal that you’ve forgone underwear and he lets out a quiet groan.

His rough, calloused palm gingerly slides over the curve of your ass, appreciating your curves before making its way to your front, sliding between your thighs to get you ready for him.

You stir for only a moment when his fingers brush your clit, a sleepy whimper falling from your lips at the sensation, before sleep overtakes you once again and you’re melting back into the sheets.

Joel’s fingers find your hole where you’re already starting to get wet from his light touch, sinking one of the digits in slowly. Pushing in and out of your warmth before adding another.

You’re still asleep when another quiet sound escapes you as Joel stretches you with his fingers, your back arching of its own volition causing your ass to press against his hardened length and he can’t help but let out a quiet “fuck” at the friction.

Once he feels you’re ready for him, Joel gently lifts your leg over his hip, pressing closer behind you as he lines up his leaking cock with your entrance.

Joel pushes in slowly, one inch at a time, and the way your warm, velvety walls just welcome him in so easily has all the stress of the day melting away in an instant.

His thrusts are slow and deep, his large hand on your hip guiding your pliant form back against him, his cock reaching places inside you that only he has ever been able to reach.

It’s only when his tip prods against that spongy spot inside you that would normally make you see stars if you were awake, that Joel feels your walls begin to clench tighter around him, your back pressing more firmly against his chest as you begin to stir with a quiet mewl.

“Mm- Joel?” Your voice comes out in a sleepy whisper.

Your hand clumsily reaches back to find his curls, a contented sigh leaving you as your fingers tangle in the soft strands, your mind beginning wake up and catch up with your body as he continues to fuck into slowly.

“‘M sorry for waking you, darling.” Joel presses a soft kiss to the back of your neck. “Just looked so fuckin’ pretty— Needed ya.”

oops got a little carried away with this one 🤭 but godddd I need a cold shower and like 3-5 business days to recover from this, I need this and him so bad 😭 !!! hehehe thank you for sending this my love, I hope you enjoy! ilyssssm 🥰❤️🧡

[randomheadcanons1234]

Even more random hermitcraft headcanons that I won’t elaborate

Bdubs He was once sick of getting told that he was short and wore high heels for the day at the end he had a concussion, a broken ankle and a promise to never where high heels again

Cub has replaced some of his teeth with metal

Docm has dressed up as a princess on multiple occasions for Doccy

Etho used to run up to people scare them and run away again. That stopped when he got shot by a gun, when he tried to pull this with Zedaph

False is the designated driver because she somehow knows every shortcut

Gem has killed gods before

Grian is that type of person who says that they can’t handle horror but fall asleep to true crime stories

Hypno used to sell Ballons, he can make animals out of them

Impulse has venomous claws, he has accidentally poisoned some of his friends because of this, he feels really guilty

Iskall builds really weird things for fun like a robot who has legs for hands, which has pink hair and talks about waffles. The hermits are concerned

Jevin can’t swim, he can float but if he tries to move he sinks

One time when joe was drunk he showed up in a god meeting and started to make yo mama jokes at them, many cried

Keralis has all the gossip even from servers where he isn’t even on

Mumbo has gotten drunk only once and that was the they he found himself in his base surrounded by Armourstands that had their legs cut off. And had the heads of his friends

Pearl eats cods in front of Grian

Ren has a collection of baby photos of his fellow hermits, no one knows how he got them

Scar has made flower crowns for all the hermits

Skizz used to be choir kid

Joel and Lizzie once came to a party where Joel wore a sparkly pink dress and Lizzie a green suit

When stress doesn’t know a word she just makes one up

For some reason tango loves bats

The reason why Beef goes by Beef is because middle school he only brought beef to school. After a while the other students and even the teachers started to call him Beef and that stuck. Now he just goes by Beef

Wels knows galactic

When Xb used to be a kid he ate dirt

Xisuma never takes his helmet off, so the hermits try to take it off themself all their plans fail though and they still don’t know how he looks

Zedaph used to be a part of the creepy pasta fandom

Cleo is the best dancer on hermitcraft

[ghoulishcavern]

every single interaction between bdubs and joel makes me scream and yelp in joy. they’re unyieldingly insane isolated, but putting them beside each other is like the flathead screwdriver dropping the hemisphere onto the demon core. i swear if you look close enough you can actually see a deadly radioactive blue flash that emits when those two interact.

[scrambledslut]

oh to be the subject of your affections

[outer-edges]

joel who is filled with immeasurable amounts of love for a girl who was taken from him too soon. joel who has no idea where to put this love. joel whose memories are a minefield. joel who holds onto the empty space filled with grief as his way of holding onto sarah.

joel who knows he’s going to care about ellie from the minute he meets her. joel who knows they’re going to be inextricably linked. joel who fights tooth and nail to not care about this girl.

joel who is terrified of implications of that. joel who thinks that having somewhere to put his love means forgetting and replacing sarah.

joel who slowly realizes that loving ellie isn’t replacing sarah. joel who surrenders and stops fighting caring about ellie. joel who starts to laugh easier and smile a little more. joel who starts remembering sarah without it hurting so much. joel who looks at ellie and sees someone so different from his babygirl but so similar because teenage girls are still just teenage girls even during the apocalypse.

joel who finally has somewhere to put his love.

[elliespeach]

ok but imagine one night in ellie’s garage (that’s basically yours too atp bc ur there all the time) and both of u are just chilling maybe she’s drawing and ur reading a book on her bed when u see something move out of the corner of ur eye and upon further inspection it’s a bug. like a humongous bug with wings and you start freaking the fuck out “ellie! ellie kill it!” and ellie being ellie she’s like “babe it can’t be that bad just squash it” but when she lays her eyes on it her face drops and she’s up on the bed with you and SHE WONT KILL IT and while ur both arguing about who is gonna take one for the team it starts FLYING TOWARDS U BOTH

u panic and run into the bathroom and shut the door behind u and ellie’s like right behind u but u close the door before she can get in and she’s like “don’t leave me out here with this thing” but u don’t budge bc u don’t play about bugs so ur just like “u can kill clickers but a bug is too much?? just squash it” and she’s like jiggling the doorknob and ducking her head bc the bug is still flying around and she’s like “not this one i won’t babe please open the door”

[itslikeaspaceship]

When Ellie found out that kids used to go to camp every summer, it was a bit of a shock to her system.

She couldn’t even begin to rationalize why they would want to leave home for weeks at a time without ever seeing their parents. The mere thought of being gone from Joel for more then a day made her want to vomit, nonetheless an entire week.

Sure they were “codependent” but she really didn’t give a shit, that was her Joel and Joel would never make her-

“WHAT?!”

Joel sighed, fingers pressing down on the bridge of his nose. “Ellie.”

“No, absolutely not.” Exasperated, she tossed down her backpack, standing frozen at the open door as she stared at Joel.

He’d been informed earlier today that each kid was going to have to choose a day camp to do over the summer. It would just be a couple hours during the day at some shop in the commune, and it was only for three weeks. They were supposed to be “educational” and “fun”, but Joel figured it was just a way for parents to get their kids off their back, or really parents off the kids back. However Ellie was not like most kids here in Jackson, and so the idea of being anywhere without Joel when she was promised every day with him was to much to handle.

“Joel I am not doing camp.”

“Ellie,” He sighed again.

“No you can’t make me.” She slammed the door shut, shoving her way past Joel and going up the stairs.

“Ellie baby, it’s only for three weeks. And Maria said you can even do it at the stables.” She still didn’t seem interested, but Joel pursued. She deserved the ability to do kid things with other kids, even if that meant she learned to ride and tack up a horse without him.

“No Joel, I don’t want to, please.” She sat down at her window seat, pulling off her flannel and tossing it to the side in what looked like a bout of anger.

And Joel would be the first to admit, he was confused. “Why you fightin me so hard on this? You love the stables, you love Shimmer. I thought you’d like the idea of getting to ride everyday.” He watched her take in a deep breath as she opened her mouth to speak but closed it when tears threatened to spill over.

She wasn’t gonna cry, she didn’t need to cry.

“Baby what’s wrong?”

But Joel’s voice was always so gentle, and he was always so patient, and she just needed him to know that she couldn’t bear going so long without hearing it. “I don’t, ugh-” She went quiet again as tears completely coated her cheeks now. She wasn’t sure when that happened but she felt embarrassed it did.

“Ellie it’s just three weeks, it’s not like I’m just gonna disappear.”

“I know but, it’s three weeks without you.”

Joel’s eyebrows furrowed, fingers gripping the door handle in utter confusion. “Ellie what-” Suddenly it all clicked, and he couldn’t help but let out a chuckle.

“Oh Ellie no, no.” He laughed, walking over and squatting down in front of her. His knees protested every movement but he really didn’t care.

“Why are you laughing Joel, it’s not funny?!” She cried, head falling down on his shoulder.

“Baby,” He said, grabbing her hands. “It’s day camp.”

“Ugh what the fuck is day camp?!” She asked, another sob breaking through. But he couldn’t help but to laugh some more.

“It means you’re only gonna be gone during the day, almost like school. Except instead you’re gonna be down at the stables, learning about all the things they do down there.”

Cries quickly turned to sniffles as she lifted her head up, cheeks flushed red in embarrassment. “Oh.”

“Did you really think I was just gonna ship you off for three weeks? Without even seeing you?”

“Well I-”

Joel rolled his eyes, running his thumbs across her knuckles as he watched her. “Ellie I would never, okay. You understand me?”

“Mmhm.”

“Ellie?”

“Yes,” She said, smiling, “I understand.”

“Good.” He placed a kiss to her forehead as he stood up, taking a seat beside her.

They were silent for a moment, listening to the summer sounds through the cracked window. But something about Ellie’s tense shoulders told him she still wasn’t sure about this whole camp thing. “Hey, if you want, I can come eat lunch with you. Just maybe until you get comfortable enough to do it by yourself. Or with Dina, I think she’s supposed to be doing the stables to.” He watched her face flush again, fingers nervously picking at the fabric of the seat.

“Oh um, really?”

“Mmhm.” He mumbled, running a hand across her head. “You like her huh.”

Ellie went fire truck red, smacking Joel’s arm as she turned away. “No! Shutup, she’s just, she’s cool I guess, I don’t-”

“Right okay, cool. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Whatever.” Ellie said, laying her head on his shoulder. He placed a kiss to her hair, then another to her temple before allowing himself to relax against her.

“I want you to know kiddo, I was serious about earlier. I’m not ever going anywhere, ever.”

“You promise?” She whispered, arms wrapping around one of his.

“I promise baby girl. To infinity and beyond.”

“Infinity and beyond.” She repeated. “I like that.”

[playername-player-of-games]

More of @chrisrin‘s gemcyt au :D part 2 to this!

//

Earth is…different.

It’s been raining for three days, (at least that’s what Etho called it, back when they landed). Three days of rain, no light from this system’s sun. Outside is reflecting how he feels inside, gray and storming and he’s-

He’s never going to see his diamond again.

It’s fine. That’s fine. He doesn’t think about it. He can’t think about it, not when it makes him feel like he’s raining.

He’s thinking about it.

She was beautiful, graceful- let him speak and laughed at his jokes. She complimented his fighting, thanked him when he helped her with even the smallest things- things he shouldn’t have been thanked for, in all honesty, like opening doors, or turning off the lights.

Stars, he’s really never going to see her again.

He curls further into himself. He’d reformed with a hooded cloak this time, the desire to hide manifesting physically as soon as he’d Reformed on the ship. He’d had to Reform twice, the first he did himself, without Etho saying he could. He’d been poofed immediately and whisked back into a drawer for what felt like centuries.

After they made it outside, he was allowed to Reform after the ship took off again. Etho said his hair turned black.

He doesn’t know what Etho’s talking about. He can see it, when he looks up at his fringe. It’s a darker green now.

It doesn’t matter. He’s never going to see his diamond again.

“Pearl?” Etho sing songs, footsteps crunching across the dirt of the kindergarten, “Peaaarl, you in here?”

Pearl stuck himself into one of the many gem-shaped holes in the wall, pressed as far back as he could manage, grateful his cloak is dark enough to blend in with the walls, “Go away, Etho.”

“I brought some friends,” Etho says, his face popping into view as he leans over the opening, setting down an oil lamp to light up the space, “you up for some chitchat?”

Pearl tugs his hood down. “Not really.”

“They’re nice, I promise,” Etho assures him, “they’re some of Impulse’s friends! Impulse was nice, right?”

“I guess.”

Impulse was nice, Etho’s right. Their little tour of Earth’s Gem Base had been brief but informative, with a few landmarks. Impulse’s forge. A warp pad. A crash site. Then Pearl got overwhelmed and ran, warping at random and landing in a kindergarten. Nobody came after him.

Until now.

“Do you wanna come out?” Etho asks.

“Not really.”

Etho laughs, “fair enough,” and disappears.

New footsteps- Pearl catches a flash of green and blue outside.

“I brought an aquamarine and a peridot,” Etho explains, voice louder now that he’s further away from the opening, “Grian and Mumbo. They want to talk to you about stuff.”

“Goodie.”

Etho bids him goodbye, and leaves. Then the aquamarine pushes his way into the hole, with a wide, one-eyed grin. There’s more than enough room for the two of them and all the rain water he’s bringing in here, but Pearl curls further into himself anyway.

“You’re Pink Diamond’s pearl,” remarks the aquamarine.

Pearl bristles, “I was Pink Diamond’s pearl.”

The aquamarine waves him off, “specifics don’t matter. All that matters is whether or not you’d like to overthrow the diamonds.”

Pearl freezes.

“Grian!” The peridot- Mumbo- scolds, “you can’t just say that!”

“Well, why not?” Grian turns around, his wings nearly whacking Pearl in the face, “it’s not like he can say no, if he goes back to Homeworld he’ll be shattered.”

They dissolve into bickering. Pearl doesn’t care. He can’t hear them.

Overthrow the diamonds.

It’s treason. Rebellion. He’s suddenly connecting dots he didn’t realize were there- the crash site. A hidden warp pad. So, so many mismatched gems living together in an uncharted, unregulated base. Not being allowed to Reform on the ship.

Oh stars- what has he gotten himself into?

The aquamarine yelps and disappears with a poof- Mumbo catches him, flustered when Pearl rushes past him, sword in hand, back to the warp pad, back to the warp, to warp, warp warp warp warp warp-

A blinding flash of light- he stumbles off the pad and falls to his knees.

Rebellion. Treason.

If he goes back to Homeworld, he’ll be shattered.

He’s being shattered right now, he thinks- that’s the only way he can think to explain this feeling. He’s being crushed, turned inside out, trying to reform in a place that’s too small. He shouldn’t be here- he’s raining- he should have stayed on Homeworld, should have let himself be-

Someone is humming.

He freezes. He’s good at this- disappearing into the background. He’s nothing. An accessory, a set piece.

He lifts his head.

They’re hovering over a lake (he hadn’t realized he’d warped to a lake), twisting in a way that looks like a dance, something bright and cloud-like in their arms. Something about their posture is familiar- friendly. Pearl pushes himself to his feet- his knees trembling, and forces himself forward.

One foot in front of the other. He makes out features- wings made of water. A bouquet of roses and sunflowers and little red things. Too big to be an aquamarine- a lapis? His gem a little to the left of where Pearl’s is, on his chest, right over where a human heart would be.

His humming has turned to singing. Pearl stops on the bank- he knows this lapis. This was one of the messengers, they used to talk all the time.

What is he doing on Earth?

The lapis bends over, dropping petals into the water, and notices Pearl with barely more than a glance.

“Oh, hello! You’re n-” he does a double take, eyes wide, his smile fond and familiar as if he remembers Pearl too, “you’re Pink Diamond’s pearl!”

This is the same lapis. The one he used to tease and trip in the hallways. They’d salute to each other- then to their diamond- then drop form and laugh. They made jokes- they called each other names and playful insults and make faces at each other when the diamonds weren’t looking. This lapis is- is like home, even after he disappeared for a hundred years without explanation- and he’s here right in front of him. Pearl feels like he’s being shattered all over again.

“Was,” he corrects, “I was Pink Diamond’s pearl.”

Lapis comes to hover in front of him, holding his bouquet. Pearl does not meet his eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“I uhm-” Pearl pulls his hood down over his eyes, “I fused with her.”

“Oh.”

Raindrops drip down his cheeks- he reaches up to wipe them away, turns his head to the sky and wonders how they’re getting on him if his hood is up. The sky is clear. Lapis lands in front of him, wings disappearing, his mouth a worried line.

“Why is it raining on my face?” Pearl whispers.

Lapis smiles, quiet, warm, and gently pulls Pearl’s hood down to rest on his shoulders, “you’re crying.”

Pearl sniffles, “what does that mean?”

“It means your eyes are making rain on your face,” he explains, still gentle. He tucks a little yellow rose over Pearl’s ear.

“How do I make it stop?”

“It’ll stop on its own, eventually.”

Pearl wipes his eyes on his sleeves. He feels exposed without his hood.

“Lapis-“

“Jimmy.”

Pearl makes a face, “what?”

“My name is Jimmy.”

Pearl scoffs, furiously wiping his eyes again, “what is with you Earth gems and your weird names.”

Jimmy laughs, moving to sit next to Pearl and tugging him down with him, “who have you met?”

“Impulse,” Pearl says, “which sounds dumb, and Mumbo, which sounds dumber, and Grian which sounds like grain!”

Jimmy laughs and nods again, “that’s us.”

“Stupid,” Pearl snaps. He needs his eyes to stop raining now.

“Would you like an earth name?” Jimmy asks, and Pearl scoffs at him again.

His first thought is no, he doesn’t want one. But then he remembers treason, and he remembers rebellion, and he remembers that he’ll be shattered if he goes back to Homeworld, and he thinks of making fun of long winded messages from important gems and making faces at each other behind the Diamond’s backs.

Surely naming himself isn’t the worst thing he’s ever done.

“Maybe.”

“Go on then,” Jimmy says, nudging him with his shoulder. “There’s lots of things to choose from.”

And there are a lot of things to choose from.

He likes the J from Jimmy’s name- it’s a good sounds- he just doesn’t know what comes after it. He looks around for inspiration. Jake isnt right. Jloud sounds weird, and so does Jeaf.

He takes a rose from Jimmy’s bouquet and twirls it around in his fingers- he can’t name himself Jasper, even though he’s off color he wouldn’t ever name himself after another gem. He can’t call himself Jimmy either, because then he’d be naming himself Pearl all over again and that’d just lead to problems.

He thinks further back- Impulse was showing him something at camp. Barrels of something called oil- the stuff in the lamp. Stuff for cooking. It’s stuff that helps other stuff work like it’s supposed to. He figures that’s a good a thing as any.

“Joil.”

“Joil?” Jimmy dissolves into laughter.

“Wha- hey, it’s not like it’s better than Jimmy!”

“No, no, it’s worse!”

Pearl growls at him, trying to be upset, but the way Jimmy is doubled over, cracking up, makes it hard to keep a smile off his face.

“Oh-kay, it’s bad,” he admits, trying and failing in the not laughing department, “but do you have a better idea, oh great Jim?”

“Maybe,” Jimmy straightens, smiling wide, “‘Joil’s’ a bit awkward to say, is all. Why not try Joel?”

He’s gotta admit that is easier to say.

“That’s fine,” Joel says. “You can call me that.”

“Well then, it’s nice to meet you, Joel,” Jimmy says, ever smiling, “welcome to Earth.”

[luvrxbunny]

guys i’m fucking dying

GUYS IM FUCKING DYINGGGGGG 🎀