#I’ve been working so hard for so long | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

addictt-with-a-pen · 11 months

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I’m still trying to come to terms with the fact that I will never be loved, but I’m not sure that I can.

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pencil-peach · 7 months

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I’ve been trying to contain my G Witch posting to the Onscreen Text series so as to not be annoying but GOD I love Prospera.

FUCK dude. The horrors are endless but she STAYS silly. (She Is Responsible For The Horrors.)

#g witch #My evil dark secret is that i’ve been writing fanfiction for this show #And I’ve been working on a long piece about Miorine and Prospera talking over dinner #And it’s been SO hard trying to find her voice but god in heaven am I trying

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simgerale · 2 months

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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

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karlyboyyy · 6 months

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Handful.

#y’all I stayed up until 6:30am drawing Woowoo tiddies 😪#like 10+ hours of work mostly in one sitting. what is wrong with me lmao #anyway. please enjoy them 😌#Woowoo tiddies #Woowoo my beloved #vashwood #nicholas d. wolfwood #trigun #trigun fanart #Wolfwood #wolfwood fanart #karlyboy art #I’ve been staring at this for so long parts are starting to look wonky. hopefully that’s just me #and please tell me I did his nose justice! 😭 it was hard from that angle #also I’m pleasantly surprised by how well Vash’s hair turned out #digital drawing #nicholas d wolfwood

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lil-oreo-cookie · 8 days

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The Eye in the Closet [Pages 8-9]

Previous Next

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speremint · 1 year

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I posted this minor vent to twitter, too, but I definitely neglect my tumblr these days way more despite myself feeling the most comfortable here.

I’m really sorry for my inactivity, I tbh have hit the point where my mental health and anxiety have been fucking me over physically as well.

This is the 2nd day of insomnia keeping me up all night to the point where I finally dragged my iPad out to try to work, and then just being paralyzed with burnout.

I’m so sorry for not having new art or anything to show these days, my mental health has been in the shitter and I’m like… two years in, now, on trying to find any sort of medication that will actually work for me. So tired of this 💀

I’m going to *try* today. It’s 6 am and tbh I didn’t eat hardly anything these past two days because of lack of appetite, so I might do a sleepless Starbucks run, but yeah.

It’s been so hard for me lately, but I have no damn good reason as to why, and I’m sorry y’all.

#I still have not actually been able to start drawing BnR s3 and so I’ve been beating myself up over that too #while working on another VERY important gig that I’m just fumbling so hard on #I apologize for the vent// it’s been a super long time since I’ve felt comfortable enough to use my social media as a personal space but #I’m so exhausted #I will likely delete later but yeah Idk I hate having such dead accounts these days #personal

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cloudyskies25 · 1 year

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My modern Four design inspired by the heist au by @cerame

#ok so here’s a lil tidbit about this design #I was originally on the discord when we created the au #like the whole series of fics was inspired by a like 3 hour long conversation between a bunch of peeps in the discord back in 2020 #and I was one of the people in that convo talking abt the au #so I’ve been trying to draw hacker four for THREE YEARS #and every time I tried to draw it it just didn’t work #it never looked right #so I finally did it!#three years later!!#modern four is really hard to me #cause his outfit is so ridiculous #it’s like how do you make it look fashionable #so I gave him a slutty lil tracksuit #anyway thanks cerame for writing the au!!#it’s so fun to read and look back on the wonder that was the 2020 discord #linked universe #lu four #linkeduniverse #my art #Rosewing speaks

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dumb-doll-lips · 3 months

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So I’m have the other set of keys for the doors now and i just was trying them both on the door I have to get through to do laundry. And the couldn’t open the door. I had someone else try the key I had had w me and he couldn’t open the door. The next logical step is writing into maintenance or something. But it has me feeling like so anxious. Like just started feeling like pretty panicky and stuff when I realized that’s the only next step i have if I want to be able to do my laundry here.

Part of it is that it’s been an issue for so long now that if like something changed at some point it’s like a give away that I’ve been failing for so long. Or like what if it is just me a problem too. Like even tho I had someone try the door too, other people clearly are going through it bc I’ve seen lights change on and off and packages show up inside.

Like dumb feeling hot has super made it easier for me than it was before to ask for help. But this isn’t like asking for help from someone I know, who won’t make me feel bad. This is like a big unknown. And it’s hard for me to not feel like this is me a problem, if it’s not it’s like a me problem in the way that I’ve done nothing that’s actually helped w fixing it for so long. I think I’m like being scared of feeling worse about it. It seems like it’s actually gonna be a request to the leasing office probably too which is def scarier bc that’s so far appeared to just all be women. And I never feel like as safe or comfortable seeming stupid around women. So it’s like feeling really intimidating.

#I know I got some stuff to work on in terms of like interacting w women in general #telling me anything like it’s girls it’s fine isn’t helpful #I’m telling myself now that I’m gonna do a deeper clean of the place in my apartment when I actually need some maintenance #then bundle that in a request w the keys bc I’ll feel better about that #but I’ve been putting off the other maintenance thing for like so long too #it all just feels scary #personal #doors are hard #<- tag w background in the door saga

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shibaraki · 1 year

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when it comes to writing it’s good to think of your brain like a muscle. but keeping that line of thinking I wanted to say that as writers we have different skills and that’s okay. so you may be good at short sprints. others do long. some even do marathons!!!!! whether you write 500 words or 5k words or over 20k words it is still valuable, it’s your work and it is time well spent

#does this make sense. who knows #anyway I’ve said it once I’ll say it a million times stop comparing yourself to other people #everything has its place in fandom ok someone out there loves your writing regardless of the length #I know writers who struggle to reach 3k sometimes look at longer fic writers and think man. I wish I could do that #while on the other hand I have long fic writer friends telling me ‘I WISH I KNEW HOW TO SHUT UP’ lmfao #length is not equal to quality. and writing short fic is a skill in and of itself #to build a world with so few words??! ITS HARD !! and people do it!#concentrate on the race you’re in now. you can always work your way up to something new if you want to #you cannot jump from 100 metre sprints to multi lap races!!#I’m sure this has been said before it’s just something I was thinking about #priv

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mifhortunach · 2 months

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#i’m a little drunk so forgive me please but #idk if it’s like.. bc i’ve been kinda down/moody anyway recently or if it’s bc i was gone for a week or bc i’ve finally picked up on it or #what - but i feel like legit kinda isolated now in work.. not in like some awful everyone deffo hates me way but in that bs olivia laing way #like it’s taken me way too long to notice that i’m not doing a good enough job making fuckn work-friends or whatever the fuck #& it’s so hard to say if that’s like. a me issue or if that’s bc fuckin almost all the people i work w are guys so i’m not a real person t #*to them!! probs fuckin both lbr - but it’s rly not helping shit yk #bc as soon as u go in knowing that ppl are talking 2 u for politeness then ur quieter so u look worse so there’s less talking etc etc etc #great fuckin stuff - ANYWAY remembered what i actually wanted to say #which was that i went to get some drinks w a friend earlier this week and god i wish i could like. this week just do ANYTHING #get properly pissed! see people & shit properly again; i miss having a proper social life and i’ve litch never had one #this is best left to be forgotten #so let’s not tag it lol - but anyway; anyone know how to make proper friends as an adult as a compulsive nonsharer & someone w/o interests!

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charbies · 9 months

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so I’m a therapist and I started getting major sleep paralysis for the first time in my life when I started my current high-stress + high-burnout job in the addiction field. I’ve been dealing with it consistently for almost a year at this point.

I’m thinking about my past & present selves on tumblr and how 14 year old me probably would have been so curious and thought sleep paralysis was so ✨quirky✨ and would make me so ✨interesting✨

meanwhile 24 year old me is tired as shit and it’s NOT FUN the cruel irony is that being a mentally ill manic pixie dream girl is EXHAUSTING and a SCAM

#*tucks hair behind ear* life is so hard #I’ve been so ridiculously burnt out all summer it’s outrageous #im usually v private about my real life on here but we gotta add some spice to the blog now and then #wish I was drawing more but I come home from work and stare at the ceiling for 2 hours until I can get the energy to make dinner #so that’s great lol #I’m getting a long weekend and I’m getting off weekend shifts soon so hopefully things get easier in the fall

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milflewis · 3 months

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#in a strange place today and i need to put this somewhere. i do not have a journal yet. this is it #my grandad was diagnosed with dementia years ago and the grandad i have now is often unrecognisable from the one i grew up with #and while this like isn’t fun and it is strange for him to look at me and not know me more times than he does. it has also been kind of l #lovely?#bc he thinks my granny is still alive so whenever i get to go see him i get to pretend she is too. and she is for a minute. and tho i am #glad she went before him. it is nice to say oh i’m popping in to see her after this grandad and talk about her like she’s hasn’t been gone #since i’ve been ten. my dad has spoken more to him in the last five years than he has his whole life #he was not an easy man. he was loud and friendly and hard working and funny and scary but not easy. in ways he is even #harder now. in others he is easier.#he is more of a child. this is what dementia can do to a brain. we are learning things about his childhood that no one alive has ever spoken #about. that no one knew. my dad doesn’t love him more now but he understands him better #my grandad taught me how to drive a tractor and how to fish through my dad and he has not recognised me in over a year and he #hasn’t walked since he broke his pelvis seven years ago and his muscles are nearly all gone. he is a fraction of the size he used to be. his #personality and body took up my childhood like adults on the screen in cartoons. he hasn’t dressed himself in a decade. he told one of the #nurses that after dinner he wanted ice cream plain like herself and nearly peed when she laughed and told him to fuck off #he is in there. he is himself. i know him. but he isn’t. he doesn’t know me but he allows me to tell him how to ppl he knows are doing. he #still somehow trusts me. we talk a lot about my granny and how she stayed up watching tv again last night so she’s tired today. don’t stay #long when you call in to see her?#whenever we would journey to see him and my granny and get in v late he’d ask us if we wanted apple tart and my granny would say michael.#not ur kids. u can’t parent them. he didn’t know my name yesterday but he asked me if i wanted apple tart #i hope he dies soon. for all that i will miss this. miss my dad having this. he would not want to live like this. it wouldntbe living to him

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saintflint · 7 months

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withholding yourself saves no one. let yourself be valued & loved. open your heart to it again.

#had a long long talk with my boss about this of all people…just how i’ve been isolating myself in my work #because of all my anxieties & losses at home…i even told him how i think of myself as an inconvenience & a burden…#which would be crazy if we weren’t as close. but he’s had my back since he hired me & believes in me. so i’m trying to fall back into that.#instead of regretting my past actions & hating myself.#it’s fucking hard. but today is a new day. so we begin again.#(*)

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foreverphouse · 4 months

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rewatching dans not proud video and hearing his conversation about the fear of people perceiving you as gay so you avoid doing things you actually enjoy and keeping people away and not experimenting in things and tyler telling him he’ll be there when he’s ready and now seeing dan be so himself, happy, dressing in women’s clothes, showing his ass off, and just generally pushing those boundaries and not being afraid makes me makes my whole heart ache

#literally crying lmao #like i have been there i get it #coming out is so fucking hard #and letting your true self show after coming out is so difficult #i’ve only really been letting myself be perceived as gay and open up to people at work recently #i’ve had my guard up for so long #and seeing dan do it my god #can i say i’d love to see dan now hanging out with tyler #their energy!!!!#daniel howell #danisnotonfire #dnp #dan and phil

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archduke-enver-gortash · 5 months

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posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh

#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself #but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep #and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either #i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in #fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst #i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago #but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it #this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed #i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me #i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time #this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake #gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t #like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it!#i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life #when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so #i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have #but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip #and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude #though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i #it’s been gnawing at me #ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in #one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes #watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep #so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom #idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting #they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao #so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most #i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry #also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn #it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes

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iammissingautumn · 7 months

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THESE CREATORS ARE SO SPITEFUL. I REWROTE AN ENTIRE SCENE IN LAST LIFE TO HAVE MARTYN AND JIMMY KISS JUST TO START SECRET LIFE FOR THEM TO KISS WITHIN THE FIRST MINUTE. ALL IT TOOK WAS THREE SERIES LATER. THATS CRAZY.

#trafficshipping #sorry i didn’t pioneer the martyn/jimmy tag on ao3 to be normal about this happening #and i’ve been quiet for too long some could say #mod caden #BFBDJDJDJDHDJDHDHF #i don’t put enough hard work into this for me to act like this but i’m just here to entertain myself #but i’m so crazy about the property police duo fr

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