#I’ve seen… very few (I can think of 2 on the top of my head) docs that I know or work with

[doctorweebmd]

someone pointed out something I did the other day that I didn’t really notice I do and then I was like….. yeah why do I do that and turns out it’s stimming. And apparently I do it. A lot.

[babysukiii]

regina’s puppy (3)

// regina has a soft spot for you, but when she refuses to accept why, someone else might swoop in and take your attention away from her. //

warnings: mutual pining, soft!regina (for reader), mean!regina (not to reader), very jealous!regina, underage drinking, mentions of smoking.

this is part 3 to the series, read part 2 here!

“please don’t make me go.” you just about beg regina, flashing her a pair of puppy eyes that nearly makes her reconsider her entire existence. the blonde was currently blending the makeup on your face, claiming she was going to be your “personal makeup artist” tonight. truth be told you enjoy letting regina do your makeup; the close proximity, her undivided attention, having an excuse to stare at her beautiful face without being questioned. though when she mentioned she was making you go to the party gretchen was throwing, you began to beg her not to take you.

“it’s just a few people from school, and a few drinks. i’ll have you home by ten, or you can just sleepover my house.” she assures you dismissively, her gaze transfixed on your face as if it was a canvas for the beauty blender. it’s been three weeks since you became a part of regina’s “clique”, and to say it’s been strange is an understatement. you had gone from the bottom of the social food chain, to the top of it in less than a month. all because of regina’s strange fixation with you.

“i wasn’t even invited! and i’m pretty sure i wouldn’t even know what to do there.” you retort, and she shakes her head, “you don’t need an invitation when you’re with me.” she responds pointedly. “just stick by my side and look pretty all night. that’s all you have to do.” she declares simply, and your cheeks turn a dark shade of pink. “you think i’m pretty?” you question softly, the uncertainty in your voice causes her heart to clench. her tenebrous blue eyes are gazing into yours, she appears to get lost in you for a mere moment.

“i think you’re so, so pretty.” the blonde reveals in this washed out voice that makes your knees weak. thankfully you’re sitting on the seat of regina’s vanity, otherwise you’re sure you would’ve stupidly fallen. the way you avoid her gaze while your face heats up, causes regina to cup your chin, tilting your head upwards to look at her. your breath hitches, getting lodged in your windpipe as you nearly forget how to breathe due to the close proximity. regina quirks a brow at your reaction as she continues doing your makeup. “are you nervous, y/n? do i make you nervous?” she inquires, practically staring into your soul.

“i—i guess you do.” you mentally facepalm yourself for stuttering, and answering like a fool. the cheshire cat-like grin that takes its place on regina’s features causes a heat to rise in your belly. “it’s okay, y/n, i think it’s cute. how flustered and nervous you get around me... how strained your voice gets, and how red you get.” she teases, and you shake your head in disagreement. “it’s not. it’s embarrassing.” you murmur, and she flashes you a look, “i don’t think so. i like it.” she breathes out, her face so close to yours you forget how to think.

“why?” you manage to ask, and she shrugs, pulling away from you in an instant. the moments over as quickly as it begun, and in a small way you’re thankful for it because you can think clearly now. “i like the way you are with me. especially when you look at me. it’s like i’m the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen.” she professes, as she rummages through her makeup bag. regina avoids your eyes. she doesn’t enjoy being honest, but she also can’t bring it in herself to lie to you for some cursed reason.

“cause you are the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen.” you answer simply, sounding so honest. regina’s head snaps in your direction; she searches your face for any signs of dishonesty, but all she finds on your features is that usual genuine expression that makes her stomach flip. “you’re just saying that cause i’m regina george.” she says her name in this taunting way, as she begins to apply the blush on your cheeks and nose. “i wouldn’t say something i don’t mean, gina.” you wholeheartedly respond, and you swear you can see a faint blush tinting her cheeks.

regina feels this pang of guilt in her chest. you’re so innocent, and she thinks you’d do just about anything she asks. “if you don’t wanna go tonight, we don’t have to.” the blonde finds herself caving, and you furrow your brows. “well, we’re already getting ready… we might as well go, right? besides, gretchen will have a total meltdown if you don’t show up.” you point out, and regina shrugs. “yeah, but if you don’t wanna go, we don’t have to.” regina reiterates, and you offer her an overly trusting little smile.

“if you go, i go.” you assure her, and her eyebrows perk up at your willingness to do whatever she wants. regina likes that a lot more than she should. “good. why don’t you put on those flare jeans i got you, the black ones.” she smiles as she says this, putting away her makeup. “okay!” you obediently respond as you hop up off the seat, and over to your bag of clothes you brought.

you decide to match a white lace crop top you picked out when you and regina went shopping. when you finish getting dressed, you come out of the blonde’s bathroom, stopping in your tracks when you see her outfit. the tight, black leather pants she was wearing nearly made you drool. regina notices the expression of awe on your face, and she savors it. she’s used to having people gawk at her because they thought she was attractive, or they were envious of her… but you… the way you looked at her was always so different. she couldn’t figure out why she craved your attention all the time; now more than ever.

“you look good.” she declares as her eyes roam up and down your outfit. the blood rises to your face, “i think i have a sherpa jacket that’ll look so hot on you with that.” she states as she walks past you, and towards her walk-in closet. you let out a breath you hadn’t even realized you were holding. regina looks even hotter than usual tonight, and you didn’t know if you were going to be able to keep your gayness to yourself. you already nearly had a gay panic attack while she was doing your makeup; now you were going to have to be by her side all night while she looked hotter than the temperature of the sun.

“i found it!” she yells out from somewhere in the unnecessarily large closet. when she comes out, regina is holding a cropped, black corduroy, sherpa jacket for you. “try this on and let me see.” she orders, tossing the jacket your way. you catch it, scrambling to put it on compliantly. regina‘s grin falls as soon as you have the jacket on; you’re standing a few feet away from her looking absolutely gorgeous. yet you look up at her with this expression of insecurity, desperately waiting for her approval. “doesn’t look good?” you ask shyly, “you look so beautiful.” regina blurts out, and your face burns as the butterflies in your stomach flutter rapidly.

“th-thank you.” you shyly respond; your timid expression nearly causes her to smile. but then she remembers she’s regina george and she’d never be caught dead being this soft. “you better get used to compliments, y/n. especially when you look like that.” she comments coyly as she reaches for her black doc martens. you watch her put her shoes on; your cheeks practically on fire as you try to compose yourself and get it together. you don’t tell regina you probably will never get used to her complimenting you, and once she’s finished tying her boots, she smile broadly at you, causing your heart to swell at the sight. she’s always gorgeous, but she’s so much more beautiful when she’s unguarded like this.

“come on, let’s go before gretchen starts spamming me with texts.” she jokes, and you giggle as regina grabs your hand. your breath gets caught in your windpipe as she interlocks her hands with yours. that’s another thing you were trying to get used to; holding hands with the prettiest girl on earth. “ugh, i wonder if becky martin’s gonna be there tonight. she was at nathan’s party last month, and had on the same shoes as me.” regina pouts, as you both get into her jeep.

“but you probably looked way better than her anyways.” you respond, and she raises a brow as she starts her car. “probably?” she asks a bit angrily, and you giggle. “you definitely looked way better than becky martin, gina.” you tell her, and her face morphs into a satisfied expression. “i know.”

you’ve never really been to a high school party before, so you weren’t entirely sure what to expect. but as soon as you walk into gretchen’s house, the loud music blares through your ears, and there are far more people here than the cafeteria during lunch. you look around at the hoard of students; some you knew and some you had never seen before. “regina!! y/n!! you guys came!” gretchen sounds abnormally happy to see you, and she wraps her arms around you. “you totally have to try the sangria mix! it has strawberries in it!” she squeals, and regina practically pries gretchen’s hands off of you.

“you’re already drunk? it’s like nine-thirty. and where’s karen? you’re supposed to be making sure she doesn’t hookup with some random guy again.” regina begins to scold gretchen, who proceeds to ramble out an apology. you seem to get distracted by all the noise and people, but regina pulls you out of your thoughts when she intertwines her hand with yours. “do you wanna try sangria or are you a beer girl?” regina asks over the ear-splitting music. “sangria please.” you answer, figuring you’d prefer the fruitier drink.

regina begins to make you a drink; something she never does. usually when she’s at things like this, she’s forcing one of her loyal minions to make her the “perfect” drink… yet here she was, grossly attempting to make you the best first drink you’ve ever had. god, who are you, regina? the blonde can’t help but think as she tries to keep her focus on what she’s doing instead of looking at you. she can’t figure out when it became so difficult for her to keep her eyes off you.

she hands you the drink, and your smile meets your eyes, causing her heart to do a backflip in her chest. nobody smiles at her like that; as if they’re verily happy to be in her presence. you appear to relish in regina’s attention, and she savors the feeling of being so appreciated. “thanks gina.” you respond, sincerely, and when you don’t take a sip she raises her brows in an unamused manner. “well? what are you waiting for?” she asks a bit impatiently, earning a sheepish blush from you. “i’m waiting for you to pour yourself one.” you tell her honestly, and there’s that stupid flutter in her stomach again.

“you’re so sappy.” she mutters, but the flush on her cheeks doesn’t go unnoticed by you. you grin as she begins to pour herself a drink, and she looks at you before she takes a sip. you follow her lead, and you make a face of disdain just as she does. “okay, so maybe gretchen is better at this then me.” she mutters in this cutely frustrated way that makes you giggle. “hey regina—“ some guy on the football team attempts to talk to her as he approaches you both, but the blonde cuts him off before he can even finish. her eyes full of fury you’d hate to be on the receiving end of. “don’t you see me talking right now? shoo.” she practically barks out.

he frowns, scoffing as he walks off. she shakes her head, rolling her eyes, “if i wanted to speak to him, i would’ve.” she mutters, and you tilt your head, offering her this soft look. “you can’t blame boys for trying to talk to you. you’re the prettiest girl in school.” you remind her, and she huffs, taking another swig of her drink. “yeah, but that’s the only reason they want to talk to me.” she starts stringently, and you listen to her closely. “they only wanna talk to me cause i’m popular, and hot. that’s the only reason why anyone talks to me.” she sounds like she actually believes the words as they leave her mouth.

“you may be “hot” and “popular” but you’re also so much more than that, regina. i mean you’re so nice to me, and you like the same books i do. plus i think your taste in music is really cool. you just don’t give yourself enough credit.” you say easily, taking another sip of your drink. regina gets lost in you for a few seconds; her heartbeat slowing down as everyone else in the house fades out of her mind. she opens her mouth to say something else, but karen and gretchen interrupt. “regina!” the dark haired girl squeals as soon as she sees the queen bee.

she approaches you both and hugs regina, who shoves her off, before karen hugs you. “oh my god, i love your jacket! did you do your makeup?? you look so pretty!” karen’s kind compliments make you smile. karen’s been genuinely nice to you since you became a part of regina’s “clique”. she was welcoming right away, and just happy to have someone new to talk to. “thanks, it’s gina’s jacket. she did my makeup.” you say, flashing this dorky smile at the blonde who is watching the entire interaction with those intense, blue eyes. “don’t you think the blush on the nose looks so cute on her?” regina asks, and karen nods.

“yes! i tried it last summer, but didn’t like it on me.” she admits, as she begins to tell you about the makeup looks she tried last summer. regina glances at gretchen who seems to be staring at something… or someone. “i’ll be right back.” gretchen says, and regina furrows her brows as she watches her friend make her way up to jason who was shamelessly flirting with another girl. regina frowns, “i’ll be right back, i gotta make sure gretchen doesn’t hookup with that asshole again.” the blonde tells you, squeezing your arm before she follows gretchen.

“hey karen! you guys wanna come here and take a hit of this?” one of the guys on the basketball teams calls out for the dark haired girl, and she immediately turns her fixation on him, getting distracted. “okay! come on y/n, let’s go.” she declares, and before you have any time to protest, karen is dragging you over to a group of students you barely know. you look around for regina, and notice she’s busy talking to gretchen and jason… well, she’s more so yelling at them.

“here, wanna try this?” dani, one of the girls on the softball team asks a she offers you a lit joint. you reluctantly take it, placing the filter between your lips before pulling a hit out of it. you begin to cough horrendously, and instead of being put off, the jock lets out a genuine laugh before taking the joint back. “i’ve never seen you around before.” she comments, and your cheeks burn in a bit of embarrassment; though the weed helps numb out the humiliation. “i’m y/n—“ you begin to introduce yourself, but she cuts you off. “no, i know who you are, y/n. we have gym class together.” she reminds you, only adding onto the sheepish blush on your face.

“i meant, i’ve never seen you around before; like outside of school.” she elucidates, and you nod. “i don’t usually come to these sort of things…” you trail off, “… but regina’s been helping me come out of my shell.” you explain, and she raises a brow. “regina? as in regina george?” the softball teams pitcher asks uncertainly, and you nod eagerly, your entire face lighting up like a christmas tree at the mention of the blonde. “yup, she’s over there.” you point over at the blonde who seems to be ripping jason a new one.

“no wonder your hanging out with karen. well, i can certainly see why regina wanted you to be a part of the plastics.” dani declares with a glimmer in her eyes, there’s something in her tone you can’t quite place. you let out this confused little chuckle, “what do you mean by that?” you ask curiously, yet a bit carefully. “you’re beautiful.” she clarifies, and your cheeks heat up due to the unexpected compliment.

your gaze shyly meets hers, and even though it isn’t the same as when regina calls you that; it still makes you smile. “thank you.” you respond, and your soft voice makes the brunette grin. “you’re welcome, i’m just being honest…” she trails off a bit shyly, and dani’s friend interrupts. “you guys wanna head down to the basement and take hits from the bong i brought?” the basketball player asks, as he pulls a mini bong out from one of his large pockets.

“you wanna come?” dani asks hopefully, taking your hand in hers, rubbing the back of your hand with the pad of her thumb. you look over at karen who nods encouragingly, “i—“ you’re about to turn down the offer, when regina’s harsh voice cuts you off. “what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” the furious sound of the girl you’ve had a hopeless crush on for years, causes you to spin around. there’s burning fury in her gaze, and for a moment, you think she’s going to yell at you. your heart races nervously as you think about regina being angry at you.

“gina—“ you try, but regina pries dani’s hand off of yours, taking a step in front of you, practically wedging herself between you two. it isn’t up until this moment that you realize regina wasn’t looking at you with all that rage… she was looking at dani. “we were just inviting your friends to smoke in the basement.” dani’s friend from earlier interrupts, responding for the softball player. regina’s gaze flickers to him. her wrath is enough to get the stoned boy to falter slightly, shifting from one foot to another, “did you wanna come…?” he asks uncertainly, trying to figure out why the blonde was so visibly upset.

regina quirks a brow, looking at dani. “i don’t think your friend here would like that very much. i think she wants y/n all too herself while you try your luck with karen.” regina’s voice is catty while there’s an underlying sense of anger laced throughout it. your belly flips nervously. you glance at dani who looks at you for a moment, before she looks back at regina. “i didn’t realize you were her keeper, regina.” the softball pitcher talks back to the queen bee, who’s brows quirk towards her hairline. by now there are a few people watching curiously as regina crosses her arms, “anything that pertains to her, is my business.” the blonde’s tone is sharp as a blade, and her eyes are deadly serious.

“and if you think for a second i’m going to let some wannabe babe ruth try and get lucky with her in gretchen’s fucking basement…” regina trails off, her seething voice causes dani to shake her head in disbelief. “woah, hold on— i just wanted to smoke with her. and even if i did have some underlying intention… what do you mean you “let” her? last i checked y/n is her own person. she can decide who she wants to hang around all night. following the prissy queen bee, or having actual fun.” dani smirks, and regina’s fingernails dig into her her upper arms.

“i’m standing right here, and i wasn’t going to go down there anyways. i came with regina.” you say as sternly as you can, and regina’s eyes flicker to you. she exhales through her nostrils, releasing a tiny breath of relief she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding. dani scoffs, “so that’s what you are now? regina’s puppy? you know, you used to have your own style, and i’d see you hanging out on your own. i always thought you were cool, because you were so out of touch with social norms…” dani trails off, shaking her head in dismay. “… now you go wherever regina goes.” she finishes as she calls you out.

SMACK

before you can even think about saying something, the sound of regina’s open hand meeting dani’s left cheek elicits a loud slapping noise to sound throughout the room. the room goes quiet. regina’s palm is stinging after coming into contact with the jocks cheek, there are gasps and murmurs that fill the suddenly quiet room. dani looks dumbfounded for two seconds before a wave of humiliation washes over her. “if you want to continue being a part of the softball team, or have any sort of social status, you’ll keep your nose out of my business.” she hisses threateningly.

dani scoffs, looking at you and shaking her head. she turns to leave and you look at regina, who now has a satisfied smile etched onto her lips. “now, where were we? oh yeah, we were drinking our sangria’s…” regina interlocks her hand with yours, the same hand that just slapped dani. she leads you away from the shocked gazes and hushed whispers. the last fifteen minutes were playing in your head like a broken record. regina was upset about dani flirting with you; she was more upset than you’d ever seen. you couldn’t help but wonder why. maybe your feelings for regina weren’t as one sided as you thought.

a/n: sorry this is a little long… jealous regina makes my coochie pulse flutter

taglist: @xvyzxx @spideyznss @whateveryouwantsee11 @alwaysgoodnight @chaoticcoffeequeen @mcu-junkie @lottienatswife @vanessashands @natashas-whore @southelroys @dandelions4us @ylenabelxva @probs-reading-fanfics @dont-emily-me @luz-enjoyer @flocon-neigeux @jjiwoo06 @aminetil @pyro-les @tyler-06 @justlovemaths @teenybean @emskies @tulipatheticee @marvelwomenarehoto

i’m so sorry if it didn’t tag u or give u the notification, tumblr wasnt letting me :/

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Ginger Rogers (Swing Time, Top Hat)—Look I’ll level with you, I’ve never seen her in a musical and I know that she’s an amazing dancer and she’ll be even hotter when I finally watch Top Hat but I’m not submitting her as a dancer I’m submitting her as an ACTRESS. Her comic timing is impeccable!!!!! She’s full to bursting with life and in every role she seems to be having FUN, you can practically feel the twinkle in her eye. With her natural warmth it’s like she’s letting you in on the joke, y’all get to have this fun together! Making me laugh is hot!!! [If you'd like to see Ginger dance, videos below the cut]

Dorothy Lamour (The Jungle Princess, Road to… movies)—Ok, to be honest, I get if no one wants to vote for her--she's kind of like my ~problematic fave~ because she started in the Road (Singapore, Bali, Hong Kong, etc) movies with Bob Hope and Bing Crosby, which are full of all sorts of exoticism tropes and usually have her playing very side-eye type roles..island princesses and things...yeah. also she banged J. Edgar Hoover. not very hot. but your honor i still think she's pretty despite all that she's pretty please look at her and tell me she's prettyyy

This is round 1 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Dorothy Lamour propaganda:

She started in jungle and South Seas movies and became famous in the Road series. She learned quickly to improvise when facing Bob and Bing. Road to Bali almost has her character marrying both of theirs, since she's island royalty and nobody had a problem with it - a nearly poly relationship, an epiphany for a viewer who didn't even know that that could happen! She was a popular pinup girl during World War 2, and was the first singer for the popular standard "It Could Happen to You". She sang often in her movies and has a lovely voice!

Ginger Rogers propaganda:

She needs no introduction! An undeniable powerhouse on the dancefloor, and no less talented an actress. I once watched a compilation of cinema's greatest dance scenes and one of her and Fred Astaire's dances was featured, and one of the talking heads said he pitied her for 'having to keep up with him' - or something to that effect. Bullshit, I cry. Ginger Rogers was his absolute equal, and underplaying her incredible skill is downright criminal. I want the 'Cheek to Cheek' sequence from Top Hat to be permanently burned into my memory.

"Backwards in high heels", as the saying goes (though the pedant in me must point out that she in fact spent her fair share of time leading or dancing side-by-side). One of the earliest twinkle-toed ladies of the silver screen, and in terms of acting/persona, her balance of wide-eyed cuteness and movie-star glamour has never quite been replicated.

we all know her beloved string of musicals with fred but ginger also has an extensive and varied non-fred filmography that she's great in! a few ginger moments that are important 2 me personally ginger singing “we’re in the money” in gold diggers of 1933, complete with a verse in pig latin bc this whole movie is kinda mocking the concept of anyone actually being in the money in 1933; ginger and una merkel singing a verse of “shuffle off to buffalo” in 42nd street, providing some statler & waldorf-esque commentary on newlyweds from the upper berth of a railway car (interesting that belly was apparently a risque word in 1933 - maybe its bc the lyric is innuendo-ing about out of wedlock pregnancies - and that panties was a term for men’s underthings!); a favorite fred & ginger number

Ginger Rogers could do everything! She could sing, dance and act. She was hilarious in comedies, moving in dramatic roles (she won an Oscar for Kitty Foyle in 1940) and absolutely gorgeous!

Listen, no shade to Fred Astaire at all, but she both kept up with him step for step and then later went on to WIN AN OSCAR FOR ACTING. (which he did not.) truly a double threat!!!

One of the best dancers in Hollywood! Her work with Fred Astaire is just incredible.

ONE LINE: "Everything Fred did, Ginger did backwards and in heels" AND THEYRE RIGHT! Rogers was a total dance badass, and a lot of movie buffs know the story, but the Never Gonna Dance number from Swing Time took almost 50 takes, and allegedly by the end of filming it her white shoes had been stained pink because her feet were bleeding. As a note, she looks crazy gorgeous in this number. Watching these two dance is insane. They match up to each other in a way my mom describes as "divine" and she's right. DANCE NUMBERS!

Let's Call The Whole Thing Off (Shall We Dance, 1937, dancing starts at 3:14, they're in ROLLERSKATES)

(Ginger Rogers is the hottest woman ever to live in this number. seeing this as a teenager altered my brain chemistry)

(also watch her feet and how she moves opposite Astaire in this one. We all know our boy Freddie had that precision demon but jesus christ Miss Rogers, let a girl live!)

Pick Yourself Up, Swing Time 1936 (Everyone's seen this one but by god you are going to see it AGAIN!)

Shall We Dance, 1937 (duet begins at 2:34)

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes, Roberta 1935 (There's just something about Ginger Rogers in a slick black dress man)

The Continental, The Gay Divorcee 1934 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cjv6nmF7wdk God she's MAGIC in this one.

Gay Divorcee's Ending Montage 1934The infamous table and chairs spin happens at about 0:49. Pay CLOSE attention to her in this bc it looks like witchcraft and I feel lightheaded whenever I watch this movie bc shes THAT awesome.

She is a miracle to watch. Sorry for the sheer amount of clips. My entire family is like madly in love with Ginger Rogers.

[mingirn]

only lovers alive

song mingi x reader

synopsis: you return back home after graduating college to a new relationship you have to navigate with your childhood best friend

warnings: smut, a lot of mentions of sexual acts, drinking, insecurities, jealousy, dirty talk, phone sex, sort of (very brief) exhibitionism, gender neutral reader

word count: 20,3k

notes: hello. i’ve had this sitting in my drafts for 1-2 years and saw a tweet that said ”i’d pick you up from the airport in every universe” and decided to let this out of jail bc of that. although the fic itself is inspired by this song. fic title comes from this song. i’m gonna schedule this to post while i’m asleep because i’m terrified to post after not being on here for such a long time. please be gentle with me >:(

It’s dark outside your window, but the streets are lit up by countless glimmering lights. Even though the day is turning into night, there’s still plenty of traffic. Beaming headlights join the streams of light from street lamps, and it’s just your apartment that is missing a glow from a lamp on its windowsill. You’ve got all yours packed up and sent away already, and you’re taking in the city for the last time.

”Are you going to miss it?” Mingis's voice is soft on the other end of the phone. You’ve got him on speaker, lying right next to you.

”I guess, yeah. It’s been nice, even though I haven’t spent much time exploring or enjoying the city.”

It’s true. You’ve just finished your last semester and finally graduated after moving hours away from your hometown to go to your dream school. It feels like eons since then, when you had to say tearful goodbyes to your friends and family and settle down in a cramped little dorm room. You’d been lucky enough to get student housing in your last year, a bigger place where you’d been living for the past two semesters. This city wasn’t just a stark difference to your hometown, it was the definition of complete and total opposite.

The town you grew up in was the type to hide, not really forgotten, just barely there. Small and tucked away between long stretches of forests and fields. You’d be blessed to live there your whole life, yet lucky to get away. You’d go home to visit during summer break and just bask in how simple life was back home, but beyond all, how it was still home to all the things you held most dear. Top of that list: Mingi.

”You’ll always be able to go back, maybe we can go during the summer and you can take me to that Chinese place you’ve talked so much about,” Mingi says. He’s starting to sound a little sleepy, and it’s a reminder that you should probably get to sleep soon. You’ve got an early flight to catch, then it’s just a span of a few hours separating you and Mingi. He’ll be coming to pick you up, so you suppose you better let him go too so he can get some sleep.

”You know I’d love that,” you smile, and slump down on your bed. ”I think we should head to bed though, maybe we should leave this future talk for some other time.”

He hums in agreement, and the line goes quiet for a minute. You can hear his breathing through the speaker, slow and steady. When you close your eyes it’s almost like he’s here.

”Hey, uh,” he begins, and he swallows audibly. ”Do you think it’s gonna be weird?”

Ah, there it is. You’ve almost been waiting, expecting, him to ask it.

”No, I don’t… It’s not like we haven’t seen each other since I moved away. We’ve spent almost all of the last three summers together, right?” you reason. It’s not really what Mingi is referring to, but you have to start somewhere. Soften him up, reassure him.

”Well yeah, yeah, I know. It’s just different because we weren’t doing those things then, and now it’s… well, different.”

”Mingi,” you say with firmness in your voice. ”It would only be different if you said and did all those things just because it was over the phone. If you didn’t mean any of it.”

Mingi takes another moment of silence, and you can imagine that he’s probably chewing nervously on his bottom lip. It makes you a bit nervous as well, the fact that you can’t see him. You’d always been so good at reading his face and figuring out what he was thinking. You need that more than ever now, the ability to read him, because so much has changed.

”I’ve meant every word I’ve ever said,” he says, and something about the words feels so heavy and serious, and he seems to realize it too. ”I really, really want to fuck you, not just over the phone.”

Mingis voice is normal when he says it, not a hint of underlying desire or desperation, but the words themselves send a flash of warmth through your body. It’s become regular at this point, this shift in your friendship. The first time you guys crossed over that invisible line had been under the influence of alcohol, you had come home drunk from the bar after celebrating good test results with some friends and Mingi had been celebrating getting a new job with your mutual friends back at home. It just sort of happened, you dialing his number and gushing about how much you missed him. The conversation went on for half an hour when you started trying to undress from your bar clothes and Mingi had asked what you were doing. He’d asked about what you were wearing, and what color your underwear was, then he informed you that he was just in his boxers, and for some reason you found yourself telling him about how sexually frustrated you had been lately in hopes that he’d offer help. And he did.

That first night it was quick and needy, neither of you initiated it, it just happened in perfect symbiosis. You checked the call log the day after and saw that you guys had been on the phone for hours, the last of which you had both eventually fallen asleep on call until your phone battery died. Tentatively, you had called him during the afternoon and asked him if he had any recollection of yesterday night's events. His voice had been raspy and breathy, throat raw from drinking and moaning, and you can still remember every inflection in the tone of his voice when he asked if you had liked it. That had been the start of it all, of an almost full year of phone sex, sexting, and swapping pictures.

”I’m glad to hear that,” you say, trying to sound just as casual even though you can feel butterflies swirl through your stomach. ”I really can’t wait, Mingi. Can’t wait to fuck you and can’t wait to see you, I’ve missed you so much.”

”I’ve missed you too… Get some sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow at the airport, just look for a handsome tall guy!”

You fall asleep with Mingis laugh ringing in your ears.

The next day, your plane lands at a far emptier airport than the one you’d set off from. It’s early in the day and the sun is high in the sky, occasionally passing behind weak and thin clouds. The air is so different out here than in the big city. The sounds are clearer, the people are kinder, and everything feels so much more simple here.

You sit on a hard airport bench and wait as your phone connects to the internet after having been turned off, seeing all your missed messages coming in. You’re just about to type up a response to Mingis ’You there?’ when a call from him pops up on the screen.

”Yeah, I’m here!” you chirp into the phone.

”’Here’ where? I’m just walking around and-”

”Mingi, you idiot, turn around!” you call out loud enough for him to hear it on the phone and in person, though he’s quite a distance away from you. You could recognize the back of his head anywhere, even though it’s short and bleached blond right now, it’s undeniably Mingi.

He spins around and spots you right away, making eye contact with you across the big, open space. Seeing Mingi in person for the first time in months washes away all nervosity, all the same as it stirs up a new sense of anticipation. You jump to your feet and you're both rushing towards each other, crashing together in a tight hug.

You find yourself closing your eyes, tucking your head into his chest, and inhaling his scent until it makes you lightheaded. He smells just like your Mingi, that same cologne he’s worn since he was 15, the same laundry detergent, and he smells faintly of sunscreen. It’s not the first time you’ve hugged him, not by a long shot, but it feels like the first time you’ve held him like this. Your arms around his middle, taking note of how big he feels in your hold, and you’re thinking about every little detail you’ve missed out on by being away from him. His warmth, his touch, his size, his voice.

”Hi there,” he murmurs, and his voice is so different up close. It’s deeper and darker, it reverberates through his chest. ”Was the flight okay?”

Something about the conversation he’s initiating makes you feel like now is the appropriate time to pull away, and that in turn has you questioning how appropriate that hug had been on your part. Mingi, however, feels cool as ice when he grabs hold of your bag and slings his arm around your shoulder to guide you out of the airport.

”Uh,” you begin, feeling a bit stumped. You continue, ”It was as good as you can expect, but the food sucked, I can’t wait to get home and eat my mom's cooking.”

”Tired of ramen and takeout?” he asks, chuckling.

”You could say that.”

You try to move on past your own weirdness. Mingi is normal and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be as well. Still, there’s a sort of buzz igniting under your skin from being in Mingi's presence again. You suppose it’s always like that, this initial excitement of seeing each other again and getting to update each other on all the things you’ve been up to while knowing you’ve got all the time in the world to hang out. But there’s this nagging voice at the back of your head that is frantically going through all the conversations you’ve had with Mingi on the phone. Late at night, underneath your covers, with Mingi moaning and speaking filth on the speaker. It doesn’t match up with the Mingi in front of you, the Mingi that has been your closest friend for years, and it makes you feel electric.

Mingi pops his trunk open and you load your bags into his car, then get inside and start the half-hour drive back to your hometown.

You only dare to steal little glances over at him. Watching him in the rearview mirror, seeing the sun set his brown eyes ablaze and paint his skin golden. His fingers strum along to the song on the radio on the steering wheel, he’s wearing a single ring on his right hand and his skin is already tanned even though summer has just begun. It’s almost like you’re meeting him all over again with the way you’re soaking in every inch of him, yet it’s forcefully clear to you that none of this is new. Perhaps that would have made it easier if he had just been a stranger where the slate was clean, but this is Mingi and there are things you’re both gonna need to navigate.

You’d foolishly expected that he’d lean in and steal at least a kiss but perhaps more right away, when you were still parked at the airport. More accurately, you had hoped so. It’s all you guys had been talking about for the past months, all the ways you’d want to ravage each other when you finally were face to face again. Apparently, Mingi thinks that can wait.

So you turn your head away, try not to look over at him or imagine his hand holding your thigh instead of the steering wheel. Instead, you focus your attention on the trees outside, and Talking Heads on the radio.

”Do you still like this song?” Mingi asks you. He takes a turn, and this is where the road gets lonesome and there’s more nature than buildings. The song playing is ’This Must be the Place’, and you know Mingi is asking because you’d been the one that bought him this CD for his birthday.

”I could never outgrow Talking Heads, you know that,” you smile at him. You’re starting to settle in now. The fields and the trees are so familiar, the air smells like your childhood, and Mingi is humming along to music you’ve listened to for years. You can do this, it’s not going to be weird, it’s still your best friend Mingi.

The ride back home starts to fill up with idle chatter. You’d think that you’d have run out of topics to talk about by now, seeing as you’d talk on the phone almost every day, but you still find new things to bring up. He parks his car in the driveway outside your house and helps you carry your luggage, all while giggling and joking with you.

It’s only been a year since you’ve been home, you hadn’t been able to come during Christmas, but that’s the longest stretch of time you’ve spent away from this very house. Not much has changed, your parents have kept your room exactly like you had left it, but something just feels different. It feels smaller, or you feel bigger. You catch a glimpse of Mingi in your doorway as you start unpacking your bags and for a second your abdomen flutters when you notice just how much of the door opening he can shield with his body. He has filled out a lot, and this shouldn’t be a surprise because you’d noticed it plenty of times before when you came home to visit. You suppose it’s not a surprise, but it’s the first time you’ve felt appreciation for it.

Of course, you had fantasized about his body since you entered his whole thing, and he had sent a lot of pictures that had helped you out with that, but seeing it in person is an entirely new ordeal. You feel your face heat up as your mind flicks through memories of pictures he’s sent you of himself naked, knowing what he looks like underneath his clothes. You have to wonder if Mingis mind is running in the same circles, if he’s as hyperaware of your skin as you are of his, and how he’s able to contain himself as well as he does if that’s the case. You hardly can’t.

”So,” Mingi begins. Your stomach lurches and plunges every time he pauses between words, fearing what may come next. Maybe this is when he breaks your heart and tells you he can’t do what you’ve been speaking about, that it’s just not the same when you’re face to face. You try to seem unbothered by your racing thoughts and decide to hear him out first. He continues, ”Uh, what now? Do you need any more help?”

”No, I’m all good, Mingi,” You’re rifling through clothes and belongings, lining them up on your bed. You can physically feel him behind you in your room as if he’s radiating this electricity and warmth that has your skin tingling.

”Maybe I should get going then. You know, to let you settle in.” You can hear him shift his weight between his feet. It suddenly feels unbearably awkward and strained between you two, and you know that if you keep your back to him it will only get worse. You need to face this head-on, cut through the tension, or at least pretend like the heavy atmosphere isn’t weighing you down.

You don’t want to let Mingi leave like this, without either one of you addressing things. If he leaves like this, with things unspoken and forgotten, the next time you see him it will be like nothing has ever happened. He’ll be right next to you but somehow further away than ever.

You guess you shouldn’t have expected to jump each other's bones the second you saw each other. Maybe that was unrealistic, but it had just felt that way on the phone. You suppose this is more natural, maybe you just have to stick it out until you’re used to being in the same room.

This Mingi in front of you is an entire world different than the one you’d grown up with. Despite the fact that everything is the same, that he’s in your childhood room and the sun is shining through the window just the same. The beam of light illuminates him directly, making his tan skin radiate.

You’re admiring him when he steps forward and closes the distance between you. Only the birds are singing outside your window, but in the total silence of your room, you can hear Mingi suck in a shaky breath before he leans forward and kisses you.

Time stills, the earth feels like it’s tilting or tipping, as if the very makeup of the universe is now irreversibly changed. Mingis mouth is warm and gentle but he’s keeping a pressure that has your mind whirling, just the way he’s kissing you with so much intent. You’re both breathing heavily and the air escaping his nose is so sweet that you can’t stop yourself from inhaling as much as possible, dizzying yourself to consume every bit of him that you can.

He’s already close, but he shuffles even nearer without breaking apart from the kiss. You can now feel his body against yours and Mingi moves his hands up to hold each side of your head, keeping you in place as he kisses and licks into your mouth. For some reason you’re so very present inside your head, thinking about each little detail of the way he kisses, reminding yourself to remember this moment forever.

You can feel when he starts to pull away so you chase after him, deepening the kiss for another second before he parts from it entirely. He’s just as breathless as you are, and there’s something in Mingi's eyes that you’ve never seen before. He focuses on your lips and leans in for another kiss that ends a moment too quickly.

Mingis hand ruffles your hair up, and his voice is laced with a laugh when he says a drawn-out ’bye’ and leaves your room.

You can feel your heartbeat in your throat, can hear the blood pumping and wooshing from it all the way through your body, throughout each delicate vein in your ears. Your lips are tingling when you reach up to touch them, almost in disbelief at the fact that Mingi had just been kissing you right there. Your mouth is slick with his spit, and your finger moves cardinally to gather it up and plunge into your mouth so you can savor it.

You fall down on the bed, staring up at your ceiling, and close your eyes to relive the kiss as you imagine what it will be like the next time you see Mingi.

Almost a full week passes until you see him again. Your family practically swarms you for the first few days, your parents being overjoyed to have you back invite your grandparents to welcome you home and your favorite aunt comes to see you with your two young cousins. You get unpacked quickly enough, when you manage to find time between family visits and long drawn-out meals, and before you know it five days have passed. Mingi stays busy too though, he sends a few occasional texts about work and though he lives right across from you, you never even catch a glimpse of him.

Sometimes you lay in your bed at night and feel your heart race up at the thought that there is only a few yards of grass and asphalt road between the two of you. It’s a massive change from the last three years when you had been miles and miles apart. Now, it feels almost like you can sense him. Just across the street, breathing and shuffling in bed. You can picture him so well, long eyelashes resting against his cheekbone, his skin flushed from sleep, his long limbs tangled up in a thin blanket. Your hand slips inside your underwear with a hot fire fueled by embarrassment and insecurity burning in your stomach.

Your imagination moves between recollections of words he’s spoken and pictures he’s sent, to the image of him in his bed right now. He’s so very close, but so very unaware of how much that precise fact affects you. Each day away from him only tightens the strings in your body and you grow more frustrated that you haven’t actualized any of the promises you’d made on the phone. At the same time, you find yourself quietly thankful for the imposed distance. Mingi isn’t even here, but he still has such an impact on you that it has you rushedly getting yourself off with your face buried in your pillow to keep quiet.

You’re so deeply affected by all this, while Mingi is fine. You’re the one busy, but when Mingi comes home from work and has some downtime he doesn’t even text to see if you can spend time. Seemingly, he doesn’t care to find out when you can see each other again.

On day six you’re sitting in your garden with your mom and aunt. Your cousins are playing in the grass in front of you and calling for your attention. The sun is high and hot in the sky, and Mingis car has been home for a few hours. You’ve checked your phone multiple times to make sure it’s not on silent, or if you’ve somehow missed a text from him, but it’s been quiet all day.

Then, a car pulls up to Mingi's house. You recognize it in an instant, it’s Yunhos old Camaro that he had inherited from his dad when he got his license, the same car he’d posted a thousand pictures of on social media. He had even let you drive it for an entire block two summers ago. The paint job has sparkles of blue in it that glimmer in the sun, and you somehow feel like it’s taunting you. The front door of Mingis house opens and he emerges in a pair of short shorts and a t-shirt that he has cut the sleeves off of, and he’s got a pair of sunglasses sitting on his face. A feeling worse than rejection rushes through you when Yunho rolls down the window and waves to you, finally prompting Mingi to also notice you sitting there.

Mingi raises his hand to wave but the movement is cut shorter than Yunho's enthusiastic full-bodied gesture. Mingi gets in the car and the engine roars as Yunho drives away. The warm air feels bittersweet when it’s filled by the smell of exhaust fumes.

That night you’re lying in bed and you’re inching close to sleep when your room lights up for a second. In the haze of sleep, you assume it to be the headlights of a car, but it happens again until the stream of light persists entirely and you finally get up to look outside your window. It’s clear instantly where it’s coming from because Mingi is hanging halfway out his window with a flashlight in his hand.

Though he’s quite a distance away, you can see him well enough to tell that he’s shirtless and his hair is messy, but your focus is pulled from that to trying to decode what gesture he’s making with his hand. You shrug, and he disappears from his window for a few seconds before he pops back with his phone and starts pointing to it.

You search for your phone and open it to find 4 missed calls from Mingi. His contact picture pops up on your phone and you hurry to answer.

”What the fuck, Mingi?” you whisper into your phone.

”Were you sleeping?” he chuckles, and you can see his shoulders shake with laughter. Every little bit of this makes you want to hang up, or scream, or march right over to his house and have a go at him. How dare he go days without speaking to you, then call you up in the middle of the night and laugh as if you haven’t been in agony this past week? How dare he kiss you breathless in this very room and make no attempts at reliving it?

”No, I was just about to fall asleep!” you huff.

”Why are you whispering?” Mingi asks.

”Because my parents are asleep, dumbass.”

”Hm,” he ponders. ”So that would be a no if I asked you to sneak out and come over?”

You hope he doesn’t hear your breath hitch at the thought that he wants you to come over in the middle of the night.

”Of course, it’s a no! My mom is already peeved because of Yunho coming by earlier today. She hates how loud that car is. She’s gonna think you’re a bad influence, riding around in that and making me sneak out.”

”Imagine her reaction when she finds out you drove that car before you got your license, and I wasn’t even there. It was all Yunho,” Mingi jokes.

”Shut up! God, my mom has been warning me about him for years. She used to be convinced I was going to end up with him and it was her biggest nightmare,” you say. Your window is cracked to let in some air now that it’s cooler outside. The night is quiet, and all you can hear is Mingi breathing at the other end of the call. It’s quiet for a moment, and you can see that Mingis face is scrunched up.

”You and Yunho?” he scoffs. ”Why would she think that?”

”I don’t know, it’s not like she had any reason to. She’s just weird like that, you know how my mom is.”

It’s silent yet again, Mingi just sighing.

Your stomach does a somersault when a thought strikes you and you have to ask, ”You’re not jealous, are you?”

”Jealous? Of- of Yunho?” Mingi laughs breathlessly. You just hum, and you can’t take your eyes off of him where he’s sitting in his window. Mingi sucks in a deep breath and regains his voice, ”I have no reason to be jealous of him when I’m the one with your nudes in my phone.”

Something about that makes you curl up on yourself, suddenly feeling very shy that you’re only in your underwear and a thin old tank top. It brings up another thought that has plagued you. The pictures you’d sent were all meticulously posed and manipulated to be as appealing as possible. It had been your body, yes, but the most perfect version of it possible. Here, in your pajamas with your skin glistening from sweat, hunched over yourself, you hardly think Mingi can find any resemblance between the picture-perfect version and the one in front of his eyes.

”Oh yeah?” you murmur. You can’t let him see you falter, can’t let him call your bluff. You straighten your back and pretend to be more interested in something under your nails. ”You could have a lot more than just pictures, you know.”

Mingi lets out a noise that’s somewhere between a moan and a breath, just audible enough for his phone to pick it up.

”Fuck, look at me,” he says, and you do. You just do.

Mingi stands up, keeping his phone pressed to his ear with one hand while his free hand moves in a long, slow caressing motion down his upper body. It’s your turn to feel jealous now, stupidly jealous of Mingis own hands for getting to touch him. His fingers reach the waistband of his boxers and you nervously stop breathing as you imagine them dipping inside. His hand moves just a bit further down though, where Mingi wraps his entire palm around his dick.

”Can you see that?” he asks. He uses his hand to move his hard cock under the light material of his underwear, making sure to jut his hips out towards the moonlight so you can see every second of his show.

”I can see you, oh my god. Are you out of your mind? Mingi, what if-”

”No one’s around, no one’s gonna see except for you,” he assures you. You lick your lips, thinking back to what Mingis mouth had tasted like.

”You’re crazy,” you whisper to him.

”You make me crazy,” he says with a smirk. ”Would you lift your shirt up for me?”

Your fingers have dug into your thigh without you noticing until now that Mingi is directing attention to your body. There’s so much tension inside your body that your breathing feels labored as if there are coils fastened inside you and everything Mingi says and does tighten up every bit of your internal structure. He has you feeling lightheaded with words alone.

Sensing your hesitance, Mingi speaks again. ”You don’t have to, I just really want to see you.”

The last sentence has you moving without thinking, getting up on your knees on the seat under your window. You take a quick glance around the street and in the windows of nearby neighbors. The whole world is asleep, only you and Mingi are awake.

You use your free hand to pull your tank top as high as possible, exposing your stomach and chest to Mingi who has stopped touching himself and is keeping razor-sharp focus on you.

”You-… Thank you, you’re gorgeous, do I ever tell you that?” Mingi’s voice is low and hushed. Until now he has sounded loud and confident, and if you didn’t know any better you would think that Mingi has gotten shy. He probably didn’t expect you to follow through with his request.

You haven’t spoken in minutes and you’re not sure if you could make any noise without it coming out as a whine, but luckily Mingi speaks up once more.

”Can you get into bed? I’m gonna lay down, please join me, please, would you touch yourself with me?” Mingi pleas. He waits a second for the words to register, for you to spring into action before he does so himself. Part of you wants to stay and keep drinking in the sight of his body, but the expectations of what he’s going to have you doing has you obeying his words.

”I’m in bed now,” your voice is still hushed, and there’s a layer of excitement in it that brings on a wave of embarrassment.

”I am too, I’m gonna- I’m taking my underwear off. It’s been so long, I just need to…” Mingi trails off. His end of the call is muffled, and a little distorted, and you can hear him shuffling to get his boxers off.

”It’s been so long since what?” you ask to clarify.

”Since we last did this, since I last came…” he answers. Fuck.

”Have you not been cumming since we last had phone sex?”

Mingi quiets down for a second before he lets out a breathy laugh.

”Have you?” he asks with a tone in his voice you can’t make out, but it has your cheeks heating up and your entire body running ice cold.

You turn silent now, but it’s clear from how Mingi is laughing under his breath that he doesn’t need an answer from you to know the truth.

”Oh my god. Well, tell me then, how many times have you made yourself cum since our last call?” Mingi asks. He sounds so cocky, so full of himself that you don’t know whether to roll your eyes or shove your hand between your legs and revel in this stupidly hot version of Mingi.

”Maybe two or three times,” you mumble, hoping that he doesn’t catch it.

”Let's just pretend I believe that. What have you been thinking about?”

You whine, feeling your entire body surge with shame and humiliation. Despite all of it, you’ve bunched up your blanket between your legs and without thinking about it you’ve started rutting against it slowly.

”Mingi, please…”

”Tell me.”

”I think about you. I always do. I’ve been thinking about that kiss, and-…” Your thought is interrupted by a sound on the other end of the line, along with Mingis soft hums. ”Mingi, are you jacking off to me telling you I fantasize about you?”

”I’m jacking off to your voice,” he says so matter of fact it knocks the air out of you. He continues, ”The fact that it’s about me only makes it better.”

”Oh my god,” you sigh, closing your eyes and letting your hand move where you need it most. Mingis voice is sweet and gentle as he moans with each stroke, and his phone is so close to his mouth you’re tricked into believing he’s right next to you, breathing and huffing.

”I wish you were here right now,” he says, sort of under his breath, a little quiet. It feels a little secretive when he says it, like when you were younger and he would have you turn your back to him as he did the same. With your backs pressed together, he would tell you all his deepest secrets, and when you’d turn around again you would both pretend like nothing had happened. It’s a memory you have replayed a lot more recently than ever before, just due to how similar it feels to this arrangement you have with Mingi. As long as you aren’t faced with each other, as long as your backs are turned you can do and say whatever you want.

Instead of sulking about it, you force yourself to play along.

”I do too, I need you so bad,” you whisper, and none of it is a lie.

”Need to see you cum for me, fuck, I need you to make me cum,” he moans. It echoes through your entire head, that moan and those words, and it has you rolling onto your back and pulling your underwear down your legs so you can touch yourself properly.

”You’ll make me cum just by saying that, Mingi,” you say, pathetically so. Something about Mingi has you reaching the edge faster than anything else.

”Fuck, me too. Just hearing you say my name is enough to make me cum right now. I’ve never felt this fucking good,” Mingi groans.

”Mingi,” you let out again, out of pure instinct. ”Mingi, please give me permission to cum, I need it, please!”

He does, in a string of words and breathless moans he allows you to cum with him. Your orgasm rolls through your entire body in a blinding flash, and by the time it’s over you can’t gauge if multiple minutes or just a few seconds have passed. Your phone is pressed so tight to your ear that pearls of sweat coat the screen.

”You there?” Mingis voice is raspy, all fucked out.

You come to, clearing your throat, ”I’m here, sorry. Holy shit.”

”What are you doing tomorrow?” he asks. You don’t have time to feel overjoyed or even finish your train of thought (of oh, fuck, it’s finally happening) before Mingi continues, ”Yunho’s throwing this… thing, at his house. There’s gonna be a barbeque, we’re gonna get drinks, and he says it’s going to be chill but you know how he is. It’s gonna end up being a party by the end of the night.”

You’re staring up at the glow-in-the-dark star stickers Mingi helped you set up when you were 15, and the answer is so obvious you don’t have to think about it.

”Yeah, I’ll go with you,” you respond.

”Well… I’ll take you, but maybe we shouldn’t make it too obvious when we’re there. All of our friends will be there, maybe it’s best to lay low?”

You clench your eyes shut. It makes you want to scream so loud it’d pierce your wall and travel across the street and through to his bedroom. A week ago he had been so concerned about things turning weird between you two and you’d written it off as a worry about your friendship, about how things would change after all the words and naked pictures you had exchanged. You hadn’t considered for a second that Mingi would be concerned for his reputation.

”Yeah,” you mutter. ”No, yeah, you’re right.”

”Okay then,” he says, so cheerily that you feel shame wash over you. ”I’ll pick you up tomorrow at five then?”

You hum in response and swap goodbyes before he ends the call and the beeps ring through your ear.

Your sleep that night is weighed down by a worry you can't dispel even after you wake up. You hardly feel rested, and your parent's voices barely register when they speak to you at breakfast. A lot of thoughts linger in your head, unshakeable doubts about whether things with Mingi are really going to be as okay as you had thought when you were in school.

Things had felt so much simpler then, like this steadfast belief that it would be just as it had always been. You had returned every single summer and were able to pick back up your friendship with Mingi with no trouble, despite all the months you had spent apart.

At least you would get to see all your friends again. Summer being in full swing would mean that everyone would be at their happiest, most free, possibly stupid, and risky behavior.

The day passes by sluggishly, you're merely counting down the hours. You try to read a book while lying in the sun in your backyard, but find that the words just flow together. You check your phone and see the half-hour call in your log from yesterday night, you’re just staring at Mingi's name and contact picture. It's just letters and numbers on a screen, but it's also a journal of your entire relationship. You can go back and see every single one, remember where things had started and where things had escalated. It took you weeks to send the first suggestive pictures to each other and they had been modest back then. A picture of your dark silhouette in the mirror, and Mingi replying with a blurry picture of his thighs in the dark of his room.

It's just another reminder that what you've got with Mingi is all contained in this piece of technology you can fit in your hand. Nothing is real or tangible, except for a few minutes of kissing. That's all you've got that counts as something; Mingi kissing you in your childhood bedroom for a few very good minutes before departing and ignoring you for days.

The kiss lives vividly in your head as you shower and get dressed.

You're sitting on your windowsill and watching the clock tick closer to five when the front door of Mingis house opens and he walks outside. He's got a pair of sunglasses on that he lifts off of his nose to peek up at your window, and when he spots you he waves and motions for you to come down.

You float down the stairs and out your door. The air is light and breezy outside despite the way the sun has been beaming down all day. Mingi is dressed in yet another shirt that shows off his arms, the slight tan line from his work t-shirt that he tries to even out is obvious to you up close and you squeeze his arm to tease him for it.

Both of you sit down in his car. The windows are rolled down to let air flow through and Mingi sets the car stereo to a low volume so you can faintly hear Tears for Fears play in the background. The engine hums pleasantly in comparison to Yunhos Camaro when Mingi starts the car. You watch his hands, waiting for him to shift the stick into first gear, but it doesn't happen.

Instead, time moves in both directions, very slowly but all too quickly as he wraps his hand around the back of your head and pulls you in for a kiss. Every single thought that has plagued you throughout the day vanishes the second his lips are on yours. It's replaced by the fact that these same lips had moaned your name less than 24 hours ago, that he had sounded so desperate when he told you he wished you were there.

Mingi deepens the kiss this time, letting it go on for longer than last time. When you have to part from it to take a breath Mingi trails his kisses from the corner of your mouth to under your ear. The kisses are chaste, barely there, but every single one leaves your skin tingling.

He doesn't return to your lips, he pulls back and regains his breath and his smile is so cocky when he reverses the car out of the driveway. You can't help but giggle then, and Mingi turns up the volume to let the music blare through the entire car. This is the Mingi you've missed, the one that drives through your neighborhood and ignores all the grouchy people who turn around and stare disgruntedly. He sings along too loudly, straining his voice to hit notes that sound awful even though you know that he's a great singer.

Everything feels as it always has when you pull up to Yunhos house and there are cars parked up and down the street. Mingi parks and as you're unbuckling your belt you see him look in the rearview mirror, grooming his hair and then wiping his mouth to remove your lip balm. It stings for a second but you don't let it persist. You just get out of his car and the two of you walk towards Yunhos backyard.

There is a voice in the back of your head that reminds you of the distance Mingi puts between you, this very conscious measurement that would leave no doubt for all your friends that you're strictly platonic. You push that away too, and make way towards all your old school friends instead. Seonghwa is the first to pull you into a hug, and it's all you need for the bubble to burst on all your worries.

Soon enough you're all laughing, the backyard is quickly filling with people and Yunho is having a hard time keeping up with all the people demanding a burger. The afternoon air smells just like high school, and the cheap alcohol mixed in the punch is just like the one you used to drink back then. The only difference is that everyone looks so much older, and the conversations have switched from homework, crushes, and drama to future plans and jobs.

"So what now?" Seonghwa asks you when a few hours have passed and the sun is setting. It's not getting dark, the sun is just changing from blue to lilac. You turn to him, feeling the way the alcohol has affected your vision, the way it's swimming a bit.

"What now?" you ask.

"I mean, are you back for good? Are you gonna settle down, get a job, do the whole small-town thing?" he jokes, but the question he poses is a valid one.

"Hm," you ponder for a second, looking up at the sky as if an answer is gonna rain down on you. "I guess I don't know. I need to get a job, but I'll give myself the summer to figure it out. It feels like the last one before things truly.. you know.."

"Change," Seonghwa interjects. "Before we truly grow up."

The conversation quiets for a moment before you both burst into laughter.

"Jesus, we always get so somber, don't we?" Seonghwa laughs.

"Remember prom? We went out for some air and you couldn't stop talking about the universe because you looked up at the stars for a second," you say.

"I don't remember that, I just remember Hongjoong going off on me because I teared up and ruined the makeup he spent an hour doing on me," Seonghwa recollects. You could remember that. You also remembered the eyeshadow Hongjoong had smeared across Mingis's eyelid, the messy dark brown he had lined his eyes with because Mingi refused to stay still for too long.

None of you had brought any dates that night, your entire friend group had decided to just go together and spend the night dancing with each other. When you had gotten a dance with Mingi towards the end of the night his makeup had started running and you had brushed your thumb under his eye. Nothing about that action or the dance, or the night as a whole, had been close to romantic. He had just been Mingi, the same Mingi as always, he walked you home that night with his arm around your shoulder just like he had every day after school.

It's only with the wisdom of hindsight you can identify little actions to speak otherwise. You can't recall what Sans eyes had looked like when you danced with him, but you remember in great detail how the lights had twinkled in Mingi's irises. All you remember from your dance with Wooyoung is that his hands had been too sweaty to hold, but you can go back in your memory to when Mingi had leaned his head on your shoulder and sang along softly to the song that was playing.

"What is it like when you talk to Mingi?" Seonghwa pulls you out of your thoughts. You don't know when your eyes close, but when you open them again the sky is starting to burn a vibrant pink.

"Well... I don't know. It's good. We talk about all sorts of things," you try to sound matter of fact, very casual. Reminding yourself of Mingis words, lay low.

"Yeah, you must," Seonghwa remarks, a chuckle sounding through his voice. It has you turning to him, eyebrows pulled together in confusion.

"Meaning?" you question.

"Just that there must be substance to your conversations, seeing as Mingi excuses himself from every night out when you call," he says.

"Yeah," you attempt to brush it off as a meaningless piece of information, but it feels like a lot more. You didn't know Mingi would rush home to talk to you.

Seonghwa hums, and your eyes are pulled to the ground where you've been digging your heel into the grass.

"I guess you guys have always been closer than the rest of us. Living across from each other, being childhood friends, all that," he says. There's no hidden meaning or intention behind his words, you know Seonghwa well enough to deduct that, but it still feels like he's trying to catch you out.

"Yeah," you repeat, absent-mindedly. "Suppose so."

Seonghwas mouth twitches a little as if he wants to say something else, but he keeps it shut. You're thankful, because even if he can read between the lines of your and Mingi's strange relationship, the fact that he doesn't say it out loud serves as reassurance to you. It's the same thin veil that you and Mingi drape yourselves in. Unspoken meaning unchanged.

A friend comes over and offers to top off your and Seonghwas glasses, and you decide to get up on your feet and move on from the sudden gloom that took over.

The music is loud and the air gets chillier as the clouds twist amongst pink and orange. You’re talking to Yunho and telling him the story about your mom's disapproval of his car when he notices your shoulders quiver with the drop in temperature. He fetches one of his flannels for you, helping you thread your arms through and telling you that you need another drink to warm up. Yunho makes you something stronger than the diluted punch, and it goes to your head with haste.

It does warm you up, and it pulls you from reality a little. It’s easier to laugh along with Yunhos jokes this way, without thinking about the tension between you and Mingi. It feels good and safe to just be worriless, to feel the wind in your hair and be surrounded by the sound of your friend's voices mixing together.

Your legs are getting wobblier, but Yunho catches you before you fall and he lets you stay posted against him.

You’re just watching the conversation your friends are having without joining in when you feel two hands on your waist. You don’t have to look back to know that it’s Mingi. The smell of his cologne is familiar enough to alert you.

”I think I better get them home,” Mingis voice is warm and round behind your ear. For a second you feel a little bitter, you kind of want to shake his hands off of you and scoff at him because he’s intervening just when you’re truly starting to enjoy yourself without spending a single thought on him. Is that not what he wanted? You’re keeping the secret, you’re not drawing any eyes towards you two. He’s doing that all on his own.

Had it been three years ago, you think your friends had been protesting your leave. You’re all grown up now though, and everyone is understanding when Mingi wraps his arm around your waist, and you both wave goodbye.

Mingi helps you into his car. Tears for Fears is still playing when he turns the car on and starts driving, and you feel a sort of agitation that you can’t place. He doesn’t speak a single word for a minute or two, and the mood inside the car is unbearable.

”I don’t think anyone could tell,” you say. Mingis face is bare of emotion, and you find yourself with an urge to placate him. ”We did well, don’t you think? I didn’t make anything obvious.”

You don’t know what response you expect to get from Mingi, but there’s a palpable shock within you when he pulls the car over to the side of the road and turns to you.

”What?” you ask. Mingis eyes soften when they flick over your entire body, to then end up at your face.

”Did you really.. worry about that?” Mingi wonders softly.

”Huh? I thought-… Yes, I worried about it, because you did. I mean, you told me we needed to lay low.” You’re starting to get thoroughly confused and frustrated.

”I know, but I didn’t think you’d drink so much and cuddle up to Yunho because of it,” Mingi says, his tone quickly working up to a sharpness you’ve never heard in him before.

”Drink so much?” you gasp. ”I was just having fun! It had nothing to do with you! Not everything is about you, Mingi, or about us. I don’t worry about it as much as you do. Believe it or not.”

”I don’t worry about it,” Mingi sounds accused.

”Clearly you do though. You take me to this party and give me instructions on how to behave, then spend the whole time ignoring me. Just like you did all of last week. Clearly, you have to feel ashamed, or- or…” you trail off, feeling your voice crack. Mingi sucks in a deep breath and leans closer, putting his hand on your knee.

”Please,” he urges, and there’s something in his voice that breaks your heart. ”Please, don’t think I could ever be ashamed of you.”

”Then what, Mingi?” you ask quietly, starting to feel yourself break now. Tears are starting to well up and cloud your vision. You continue, ”Do you just not want me? I get if it’s different when we’re face to face, I know it might not be what you expected, I understand if you don’t find me-”

”Stop it!” Mingi is almost shouting now, startling you. ”It’s nothing like that, you have to believe me. Stop saying these things.”

His hand lifts from your knee to hold your face where he wipes away a tear from your cheek. You don’t know what to say, even though there’s a part of you that wants to keep insisting. Mingi isn’t offering any kind of explanation or even an excuse, he’s not saying anything to quell your worries, and his hands on you are not enough.

”Kiss me. Please,” you whisper. There’s more you want to say, like prove it, prove that you want me. Kiss me and mean it.

”I’m not going to kiss you when you’re drunk and I’m sober,” Mingi says, offering up a solemn smile.

”I’m not though,” you argue. This entire conversation has been sobering. You’re still tipsy, your head feels a little heavy and your vision is still floating but you think you can blame it on your tears as much as you can blame it on alcohol.

”Well, you’re drunk enough that I don’t feel comfortable kissing you.” Mingis thumb strokes over your cheek to comfort you. It’s enough to calm you a little, because that you can take. You don’t think you’d want to kiss him either if the roles had been reversed.

”Okay,” you mutter. ”Are you sure it’s not because you don’t want me?”

Mingi sighs, ”We’ll talk about it tomorrow when you’re not-”

”I’m not drunk, Mingi.”

”Okay, okay. But I still want to do this tomorrow, when we’re both thinking clearly. We’re just misunderstanding each other, and this isn’t how I wanted it to go,” he tells you. He leans forward and kisses the top of your head instead, just above your hairline. It must be calculated on his part, to kiss you where your skin can’t feel the warmth of his lips.

”Okay,” you say again. This time Mingi lets out a little laugh at your dissatisfaction.

He starts the car back up and takes off to go home, leaving his hand on your thigh throughout the drive. When he pulls up to his house and you get out of the car your legs feel like jelly, and you realize you’re probably not as sober as you’d like to believe.

”Mingi?” you ask. He rushes to your side to hold you up, though that’s not what you meant. ”Can I sleep here tonight? You know how my mom is, she’d flip if she saw me-”

”I wasn’t planning on letting you go home like this, don’t worry,” he laughs.

So, with his arm around your waist, Mingi guides you inside and up the stairs to his room. It’s dark and you have to remind yourself to be quiet to not wake Mingi's family. While he leaves the room to fetch another blanket you sit down on his bed and look around his room.

It’s been a while since you’ve been here but not much has changed. You know for a fact that Mingi is still just as entertained by his action figures now as he had been at 13. It makes you laugh to see them all lined up on his shelf, right next to a couple of books that you had gifted him. He had forced his way through a couple of them and called you to complain about every choice the main character made.

You’re comforted by how much of his room remains the same. This is a place where you can remember and picture Mingi. By his big stereo, switching CD’s. Cutting out pictures of his friends to add to his collage wall.

Mingi comes back to his room with a blanket and a pillow that he throws next to you on the bed.

You’re watching his every move. When his eyes land on you he lets out a sound you can only read as disgust.

”Of course he gave you that,” he complains, more to himself than to you.

You can’t help but follow his line of sight though, finding that he’s looking at Yunhos flannel shirt.

”What’s so bad about it?” you wonder. Being under Mingis gaze always fills you with a sort of insecurity that has you twisting and turning.

”It's like, his move. Lending out his shirt. And then letting you lean on him like that..” Mingi mutters.

”Why would Yunho ever pull a move on me?” you ask incredulously.

”For the same reason I would, I assume,” he says. ”You’re really hot.”

A heat rushes to your abdomen and you can’t meet Mingis eyes anymore. Today has left you feeling anything but desired by him, but you don’t think he’s lying right now. He wouldn’t lie about finding you hot just minutes after refusing to kiss you.

”It wouldn’t matter what Yunho thinks of me. Like you said last night, you’re the one who has my nudes. Right?” you say.

Mingi sits down next to you, looking at his hands in his lap instead of at you.

”What if he wanted more than just your nudes?” he asks. This, too, feels like he’s asking himself the question. And you don’t know what to answer.

You don’t think Yunho poses any threat whatsoever, he’s just friendly and flirty by nature. But you let yourself think about what Mingi is implying for a second. What if he - or anyone else - would want more of you than Mingi does? Someone who could offer you a relationship that wouldn’t require secrecy. Someone who would bring you around his friends and hold your hand for everyone to see. Someone who would properly date you and want a relationship, as opposed to dirty phone sex at odd hours of the night.

You realize you’d always pick Mingi above all that, no matter if you had to have him only partially. If he was never yours.

You open your mouth to respond but shut it again when you can’t find the right words.

Mingi looks over at you. He speaks, ”Can’t you take it off?”

”Take it off of me,” you whisper back.

His mouth twitches into a small smile.

”It’d be a lot sexier if I wasn’t taking Yunhos clothes off of you the first time I undress you,” he still sounds displeased, but his hands work the shirt off of you anyways. He discards it to the floor, as far away as it can come.

”These are all mine,” you say, meaning the clothes you have on. ”You can take those off.”

Mingi lets out a drawn-out breath, something to collect himself. His hands pause at the hem of your top even though you’ve already given consent, waiting for you to nod until he starts pulling it over your head.

Silence permeates in Mingis bedroom as he continues undressing you. It’s just the wind rustling his curtains that disrupts the quiet. He guides you to lie down so he can unbutton your shorts to take them off. His hands are so gentle and his touch is soft, when he has finished taking your socks off and all your clothes are on the floor except for your underwear he leans down and presses a sweet kiss right above your knee.

”Take yours off too, please,” you say softly. He’s not quite as delicate with himself, he doesn’t make a show of it. You can’t help but stare though, trying to really commit this to memory since it’s the very first time you’re seeing him strip for you, even if you know it won’t be followed up with all the things you’ve talked about on the phone.

Your eyes flick all over him, down his toned arms and up his torso as he pulls his shirt over his head, across his broad chest. You watch his fingers work the button on his shorts open, revealing his dark underwear. He’s not hard, at least not fully, and it’s strangely intimate to be so close to his dick for the first time but not in a sexual manner. Everything about it makes your heart feel heavy, you’re somehow aware of each pump of it, how it’s speeding up at the mere sight of Mingi.

Mingi, your Mingi, that hasn’t ever been yours. Not really, not properly, but still somehow.

You want him on top of you so bad, to finally feel him in the ways you’ve dreamt about for a full year. Instead, Mingi climbs in bed with you and pulls you close.

He is soft and warm in all the spots your bodies are connected and intertwined. You fall asleep to the sounds of his breath coming out slow and steady.

You wake to a breeze of air over your face. At first, all you can hear is the chirps of birds outside and the distant noise of cars driving around. You don’t need to open your eyes to know that it’s the middle of the day, the sun is bright in that midday way, bright enough that there isn’t a total blackness even when you screw your eyes shut further.

You just turn around and try to escape from it by burying your face into the pillow. The texture of the pillow feels strange and unfamiliar, and the more you come to you realize it also doesn’t smell like your bedding. It smells like Mingi, you realize, and shoot up in a startle.

You don’t have time to wonder why the bed is empty next to you, because you can hear steps on the stairs and seconds later the bedroom door creaks open. Through a squint you can see Mingi in the same state you remember him falling asleep. In just his underwear he walks up to the bed and sets down a glass of water and a plate, before petting his hand over your hair.

”Good morning,” he greets you, smiling big.

”Mm, yeah,” you hum back, still drowsy. It’s far more comfortable to let your eyes close again and just lean into Mingi's affection.

”You okay? Are you hungover?” Mingi asks.

”Yeah, but not from drinking,” you murmur. ”It’s from you yelling at me.”

”I wasn’t yelling!” There’s an undertone to his voice, an actual worry and fear that you’d be feeling a certain way today after last night's conversation.

”I know you weren’t, Mingi. I’m just messing with you, I remember every bit of that conversation,” you assure him. He lets out a sigh of relief, his thumb stroking over your temple.

”That was going to be my next question,” he tells you. ”So you remember the whole night then?”

You nod your head under his hand.

”Do you want to talk about it?” he asks you.

The question stabs at something inside your sternum. Of course, you want to talk, in reality, there are a thousand times you’ve held yourself back from saying to him and there would be nothing more freeing than telling Mingi all of it. There’s just never a time and place for it though and you’ve come to terms that there never will be. It would take astronomical changes to allow you to say what you want. Yes, Mingi, I’m in love with you and probably have been all my life. Mingi, it took us sexting to make me realize you’re the only one I could ever picture myself with.

You had of course let yourself fantasize a couple of times, but the details of any imaginary and hypothetical relationship between you two would quickly obscure, and Mingi was often a perpetrator in that. It would present itself on days when you lived in the afterglow of a nighttime call. You’d walk on clouds with the memories of Mingi moaning your name, then check social media and be greeted with photos of him with his arm around your lifelong friends and strangers you would get nauseous picturing Mingi talking to. Your name wouldn’t even come up in conversation, he’d appear single to them because after all, he was.

So you wouldn’t often entertain the idea of being something more. You’d just treat it as a passing thought, boil it down to what it was, a neuronal connection gone to grief.

You guess you had hoped to see something in Mingi to completely deny these thoughts. Like, a first kiss that you wouldn’t be able to break away from. Or the moment you finally have sex for the first time and it being this out-of-body experience that ends with both of you crying and confessing your love. Like a scene out of a movie.

You could even have survived the opposite. If the first kiss had gone sour and the spark died before it even ignited. At the very least, you would have an answer to all your questions. Instead of being tethered to this middle ground where there’s an undeniable passion and need for each other, but a considerable distance keeping you apart.

Though there were things you’d want to say, there are none you could verbalize.

”I don’t think there’s anything to talk about,” you say, finally. To convince Mingi of this, you open your eyes and roll onto your back so you can look at him. He looks unconvinced, so you continue, ”I think I was just confused and upset. I don’t know why. Maybe because you’ve barely spoken to me since I came back home. I had just… expected more.”

You find yourself surprised that you’re telling the truth. It’s not what you had meant to say, but it’s true and innocent enough. Mingis hand rests on the side of your face, where his fingers fiddle with your hair, and for a second his eyes focus on that, before coming back to yours.

”I don’t have any excuse,” he says. ”I guess I could say that I kept seeing your relatives show up at your house and I thought it’d be rude to whisk you away from all that just to fuck you. But I think the more time passed, the harder it got to..”

”Yeah,” you agree. ”To fuck.”

He smiles at your choice of words and nods.

”Have you not happened to notice I haven’t initiated a single kiss between us, Mingi? I’m nervous too. It’s different in real life. It was much easier on the phone to just do things,” you say.

”Would it make it easier if I told you I’d really like to kiss right now?” Mingi asks.

There won’t ever come a time when the prospect of Mingi wanting to kiss you won’t send a jolt of electricity through each and every vein in your body. Nor will there ever be an instance where you won’t act on that will, especially since it seems that there will be a finite number of them. As you prop yourself up and lean in to kiss Mingi you realize that, along with this being the very first time that you initiate a kiss with him, you’re also one kiss closer to the last kiss you’ll ever have with him.

Because there will be a last time. If you keep going like this there is no other possible outcome, there will simply come a day when Mingis's eyes set on someone else and your arrangement is concluded. There’s not an if, it’s simply a when, and every kiss from now on is going to lead up to that last one. You can’t decide if you should hold out and stave off that last one for as long as you can or fit in as many as possible until then.

All these thoughts disperse when your mouth meets Mingis and he kisses you back. It’s hard to think of anything other than his warm lips or his tongue softly licking against yours. It’s more playful this time compared to the last two, today you’re both feeling each other out and learning what to do, what feels good.

You find yourself out of rhythm at times, the position you’re in is a little awkward, and you fumble through a few kisses to lean closer to Mingi. You feel your stomach swirl when you realize that none of this deters Mingi, that you can in fact feel him smile and breathe out something between a hum and a moan every time you come crashing against his mouth. His big hand comes up to your jaw, long fingers curling around the back of your head to deepen the kiss.

Things get heady so fast with Mingi, he works you up so incredibly quickly, and it’s obvious from the sounds he’s making that he’s just as affected. He doesn’t pull away for a second, his hand keeps your head in place and he continues to clumsily kiss you as he guides you down onto the bed.

The air in Mingi's room is hot from the summer sun shining through his window. It’s not until now you realize that the only thing separating you from Mingis body has been his thin blanket. He starts peeling it away, and it’s then you remember that Mingi had undressed you the night before. A jolt of panic shoots through you now that Mingi can see you, entirely nude except for your underwear, in the warm, bright light of his room. You find comfort in the fact that he’s undressed too, but with Mingis eyes taking you in it’s hard to feel relaxed.

Mingi leans in for a long, passionate kiss, and against your mouth he muffles, ”You’re so fucking beautiful.”

Your head is swimming, Mingi keeps on kissing you, getting softer and more careful as he moves down your neck and continues to lavish you with compliments. So pretty, kiss, gorgeous, kiss, breathtaking, kiss. And if you had any doubts, he squashes every single one when he kisses from your collarbone, over your chest and down your stomach, all the way down to your hips.

He plants his hands on each of your thighs, not grabbing or putting any pressure, but you can still feel the weight of them.

”Is this okay?” he asks quietly. He kisses just above the waistband of your underwear, and at the same time, his hands nudge your legs apart. Your breath catches in your throat and you can only nod and let his hands move your legs to where he wants them.

”What about your family?” you ask him, suddenly realizing the reality of where you are.

”No one’s home. It’s just us,” he says. ”So don’t hold back on me please.”

His shoulders are big and broad between your legs. The sun illuminates him so prettily, his tan skin glows, and every little hair on his body is lit up by the sun. The heat has left a thin layer of sweat on his skin and it highlights his muscles in just the right way. He’s just glowing, near angelic, and you’re moved with the need to worship every part of him.

Mingi is still so tender with all his kisses, there’s no sense of rushing as he takes his time by really letting his lips linger. His mouth trails along your entire thigh, stopping now and then to lightly suck your skin into his mouth and have a taste of you. He only falters when he gets to the junction of your thigh, to where your skin is covered by the fabric of your underwear.

You’ve been short of breath for a while now, but when Mingis fingers dip into the waistline of your underwear you cease to breathe entirely. Your head is rushing, watching as Mingis hands pull your underwear down your legs, leaving you completely naked. You’ve sent him pictures before, he knows what every little inch of your body looks like, but Mingi looks at you as if it’s the very first time.

A thousand thoughts whirl through your head between the seconds your underwear hits the floor to when Mingi springs into action. A thousand worries now culminating, whether he’ll realize that it was better over the phone, if he’s disappointed by what he’s seeing, or if he’s repulsed by how aroused you already are.

”You’re,” Mingi begins, stopping to press a kiss at the seam of your thigh. He adds, ”Beautiful.”

His eyes aren’t even on yours, he’s single-mindedly focused on what’s right in front of him. His breath is fanning across your entire crotch, tickling your inner thighs, and as you feel it get closer and closer you instinctively close your eyes and let your head roll back when Mingi finally puts his mouth where you need it most.

He’s still so gentle, using his tongue and lips to tease you and explore what you like best. It feels like hours pass of Mingi lightly sucking and pressing wet kisses all over you, he’s really and truly taking his time and you have to believe it’s for his own sake because he’s only building up a frustration within you.

”Mingi,” you whine, reaching down to grab hold of his hair. It’s an objectively insane feeling, to have his hair in your hand and head between your legs, after all this time of dreaming of it. It’s enough to have you getting close, even though Mingi is still lapping carefully at you, and it's nowhere close enough to what you crave.

When you start bucking your hips against his mouth it’s like he releases all restrain and just goes for it. His hands wrap around your legs at first, pressing them towards his head, to then wedging underneath your ass so he can get all of you into his mouth.

Mingi moans out ”You taste so good” with a mouthful of you at the same time you tell him how good he is with his mouth, prompting him to smirk against your pelvis. It really doesn’t take long for him to learn what gets you closest to the edge, just where he should put his tongue and where to apply some pressure.

”So good, Mingi, you’re so good. Oh my god,” you sigh. You tug on his hair hard enough for your fingers to cramp, and Mingi only moans against you. Every sound you make seems to spur him on further, Mingi only getting more eager with the way he’s circling his tongue around you.

His tongue is getting you closer and closer, your stomach is splitting in two to hold onto the edge and trying not to cum. You’ve been waiting for this for so long that it feels a shame to cum just minutes after Mingis mouth is on you, but there’s no holding back. His hands grip your hips, pulling you flush to his face, and the second you lift your head to look down at him between your legs you start orgasming in his mouth.

He understands what’s happening before you do, applying enough pressure to get you over the edge before letting up and licking you slower to help you come down. All while he keeps his eyes on yours, letting your fingers scratch his scalp. Mingi listens to every little noise you make and stops the second your heavy breathing turns into an overstimulated hiss.

”Mingi, Mingi,” you whine. His cheeks are flushed a deep pink and his lips are slick with his own spit and your cum, and you can’t stop admiring him. All you can do is pray that Mingi looks into your eyes and mistakes your all-consuming love as the afterglow of a great orgasm.

He pulls himself up enough to crawl on top of you, and though he’s just spent minutes between your legs, this feels a lot more daunting. He hesitates for a moment as if he’s unsure if he’s allowed to kiss you, so you wrap your hands around the back of his head and pull him towards you.

Mingi is breathing heavily from the effort he’s just put forth, and instead of letting him catch his breath you only grow more desperate. Your hands clammer onto his shoulders, pulling him against you, then down to his waist, and finally around his ass so you can pull him against your core. He’s got his underwear on, but you don’t let it stop you as you grind up against him. He’s hard and you’re still wet with spit and cum, it doesn’t take long before you’ve soaked his boxers and the barrier between you both is practically nonexistent. You can feel every bit of him against you.

”Mingi,” you moan into his mouth. ”Fuck me, please.”

He pulls away and sucks in a deep breath.

”Don’t you want me to… uh, prepare you?” He sounds small and insecure. You watch his brows burrow and his eyes flick across your face, and you’re struck by how much he looks like Mingi. Your best friend Mingi, who you’ve built up in your head as a confident sex god, even though you’ve always been aware that he’s more careful and vary than any other person you know.

You suppose you’d just assume that that version of him would disappear in the bedroom, that he’d be the same as he is over the phone when he’s telling you all the different ways he wants to fuck you.

”I’m- I’m embarrassed to say this, but I’m so worked up you could just slide inside me,” you tell him, and Mingi moans in response.

”Are you sure?” he asks. You pick up motion again, sliding yourself against the entire length of his dick.

”I’m not just sure, I’m begging,” you plea. You hook your fingers into his boxers, trying to tug them down even though you know the position you’re in won’t allow you to undress him. You just need him to act, now, you can’t wait any longer.

It happens fast, Mingi pulling his boxers off and getting back on top of you, to then lining up his dick to enter you.

”Fuck, I forgot how big you are,” you mumble. The sight of him in comparison to you, lined up against you, is enough to make you cum untouched.

This is what you’ve been dreaming about for a whole year, this very moment. For Mingi to push inside you, hook your legs over his shoulders and fuck you until you can’t see straight. Actually being here, with the tip of his dick against your hole, it feels much different. It’s not the actual sex you’re looking forward to, it’s the fact that he’s finally going to be inside you. It feels like you’re claiming him, that the moment is finally here and he’s going to be yours.

”Are you okay? Are you ready? Can I-?” Mingi asks, searching your eyes for uncertainty.

”Please,” you nod.

He starts pushing inside, watching his dick slide with ease until he’s got the entire tip in. The stretch feels amazing, you could take all of him in one go but the fact that he stops and leans down to kiss you as he slowly thrusts his entire cock inside is way better. And god, he kisses you as if he’s not currently buried inside you. His lips barely brush against yours, and the kisses are short and sweet. Finally, he pulls back to watch himself bottom out.

The sun is shining on the side of Mingis face, and this is just not at all how you had pictured it. In your fantasies, there had always been a dark bedroom and Mingis body had been on top of yours, only distinguishable by faint lights outside the window. It was quick, rushed, and dirty, maybe Mingis hand would be clamped over your mouth to keep you from making any sounds since it would have to happen at one of your homes. Sometimes you’d imagine it happening in his car, parked somewhere secluded at night, it would be bumpy and awkward and sweaty and the focus would just be on both of you cumming as soon as possible.

You hadn’t pictured it like this. Like, Mingi looking at you as if he’s seeing you for the first time.

His hair is messy from your hands grabbing it, and the sunlight lights it up like a halo. Time feels unmoving, you’re drinking in the sight of him and trying to memorize every small detail.

He starts thrusting carefully and slowly. His back is upright, leaning away from you so he can watch his cock go in and out of you. You can’t stop watching him though. He’s so beautiful, his hair is a mess, and beads of sweat are starting to trickle down his chest. You reach your hands up, caressing his skin.

You wonder if you’re breaking some sort of unspoken rule. The two of you hadn’t discussed or set any boundaries, but when you slide your hands over Mingis chest and stomach, you wonder if you should have. This isn’t just fucking, you’re worshipping him and looking at him with intense adoration. He’s going so slow too, really taking his time. You’re not fucking, this is making love.

”I’ve never felt this good, you feel so good,” he moans under his breath. He curls his hands under your ass, picking you up so he can get better leverage to thrust as deep inside as possible. The new angle makes him groan, ”Fuck, you were made for me, weren’t you?”

It has you sobbing with pleasure. Mingis fingers are digging into your flesh, and he fucks you at this torturous pace for tens of minutes. You can truly feel the drag of his dick inside of you, when he bottoms out all the way inside to when the tip of his dick is at your entrance.

”You’re so good, oh my god! So good, you’re so handsome, Mingi,” you praise him, causing Mingi to pick up the speed.

You’re grabbing at his arms and shoulders, trying to pull him down, to get him closer. He lets you down on the bed and leans down, coming chest to chest with you, shoving his arm under your head instead. Your bodies are flush with each other now, Mingis pelvis rubbing against you and getting you close to cumming again stupidly quick.

His mouth is right by your ear, pressing a few sloppy kisses to your neck and temple. He is moaning your name and though his voice is hushed and strained you can still feel it reverberate through his chest, right against yours.

It’s precisely that which has you cumming, the sound of his voice calling your name over and over, telling you how good you feel. Your ears start to ring when your orgasm rolls through you and Mingi only picks up the pace to intensify it. You can faintly hear him, somewhere far away now, this otherwordly being showering you with so much affection it has tears forming in your eyes.

”You’re so perfect,” he’s telling you, fucking you faster. ”Just for me, all for me, you’re all mine.”

Somewhere through it, you realize he’s picked up the speed because he’s close too, but he wants to make it good for you before he pulls out. His eyes are on you, watching your breathing return to normal and feeling your hands unclench from his shoulders, and only when he’s certain that you’re coming down from the orgasm he leans back and pulls out. He only manages to get his hand around his cock before he cums all over your stomach, cumming so hard he shoots all the way up to your chest.

Mingis other hand is grabbing your waist and you can’t stop looking at the way he’s marked you up. There are red marks on you from the tips of his fingers, and little marks from his nails all over your hips, and you’re covered in his cum. Just seconds ago he’d told you that you’re all his, and in this moment you feel it.

”Fuck, that was…” Mingi is the first to speak. ”Shit, let me get you cleaned up.”

He scrambles for his underwear, starting to wipe his cum from your stomach.

You’ve managed to blink away the tears that welled up when you came, but there’s still a sob within your chest that you’re fighting to choke down. Everything about what just happened was about a thousand times more intense than you had ever dreamt of. Had he not pulled away you think you might have confessed to him right then and there.

”How are you feeling?” you ask him, clearing your throat and hoping Mingi reads it as just being fucked out.

”Very good,” he responds, without a hint of hesitance or a second of stalling. There’s a faint laugh in his voice, and he’s starting to smile. Nothing about him looks like you currently feel.

”Oh,” you say, struggling to find words. It’s not like you had expected him to just bare his heart and pour out confessions. You’d just expected something more to follow, after all of that. You had made love. There’s no other word for it.

Mingi leans down and kisses you once, so chaste you barely have time to kiss back.

He gets up and pulls out a pair of new boxers from his dresser, stepping in them.

”Fuck, I made you breakfast earlier and forgot all about it,” he tells you. You look over at the nightstand, where your breakfast sits forgotten.

”Oh,” you repeat. Your head drops back down on Mingis pillow. You speak again, ”I think I’d rather have a shower.”

It’s all so thoroughly strange. Mingi clasps his hand in yours and pulls you up from the bed, and you feel perturbed. You’ve seen Mingi greet Yunho with more affection than the way he helps you up on your feet. At least he joins you in the shower, but you feel weirdly disconnected from him. Even when he jokes and suds up his hair into silly hairstyles you can only manage halfhearted laughs.

Your body aches to have him closer, to feel him pressed against you and to have his lips back on yours again. The kisses he’s giving you now feel cheeky, as if he’s kissing you just because he can, and not because he truly wants to.

You suppose there’s reason to feel thankful, because at the very least Mingi hasn’t rejected you. His casualty is worth a lot more to you than the possibility that he could have pulled back and realized that everything about this was a mistake. He ruffles your hair after the shower, and it stings, but each second you continue to remind yourself that this is how things are supposed to be.

He lets you have one of his shirts after the shower, and he cooks you a very late lunch, then Mingi has to leave for work. Your legs are still unsteady when you make the walk back home to your house.

You prepare yourself to be ignored again. You busy yourself with cleaning your room, reading a book, cleaning out weeds in the garden, sending out job applications, anything you can to make the hours go by. You don’t want to check your phone, but your fingers itch to see if Mingi has texted you.

Nothing.

It’s not until late that night when you know Mingi's shift has ended that he calls you.

”Hey,” you answer, walking over to your window. Mingis car is in the driveway, but you can't see him in his room.

”Hi there,” he greets you. ”Busy day?”

”Oh you know, the usual,” you say. ”Mom wasn’t too happy with me spending the night but she was very relieved to hear it was with you.”

You’re still dressed in his t-shirt, and throughout the day you've been bringing the collar up to your nose to smell him on it. You find yourself doing it now too.

”Her head would explode if she knew what you were doing at my house this morning,” he teases you.

”Good thing no one will ever know then,” you joke, though it is the truth. It was always meant to be a secret.

”Right,” he says. ”So, do you think maybe you could come over tomorrow? My parents will be gone, I start working in the afternoon again, I was thinking maybe-”

”Yes,” you interrupt him.

Mingi laughs, ”Okay. Uh, do I sound desperate if I say that you can come over as soon as you wake up?”

”A little, but I like it,” you giggle.

”Good.”

”I’ll see you tomorrow then!”

You sleep so much better when you know that you’re seeing Mingi tomorrow. You wake up feeling completely rested, and you’re giddy as you sort out your bedhead and get dressed.

Mingis parents aren’t home, and there’s a spare key resting atop the frame of the front door that you use to let yourself into their home. It’s still early, early enough that you know that Mingi is probably fast asleep in his bed. You try to keep your steps light as you trudge up the stairs and into his room. The curtains are drawn, only letting in a stream of sunlight that lights up a sliver on his bed. The orange morning sun is casting a few inches of light on his thigh, so you let it lead you.

It’s where you first press a kiss. He smells of sleep and Mingi, you inhale the scent of his skin between kisses you trail all over his thigh and over the front of his underwear. Mingi sighs softly in his sleep, hips twitching when your lips kiss the tip of his dick through the fabric of his boxers. You’re looking up to watch his face, but when he’s still asleep as you mouth over his entire cock, you crawl up and kiss his lips.

Mingi huffs and puffs, twisting underneath you. You continue to kiss all over his sleepy, confused face. He cracks an eye open, transforming from a groggy confusion to a content smile.

”Morning,” he mumbles happily.

”Hey,” you whisper, kissing the corner of his mouth. ”Can I suck you off?”

He lets out a drawn-out moan that tapers off into a sigh, nodding fervently. His hands are weak and his fingers fumble to find purchase in your hair when you pull his underwear down his legs and take him into your mouth right away.

He sounds so lovely, all raspy and deep from his sleep. Even though he’s just come to consciousness, Mingi makes sure to tell you how good you are making him feel. He moans your name, over and over, giving you so much praise it’s making your head swim.

It doesn’t take him long to get close, so you choke out permission for him to cum in your mouth, and Mingi listens eagerly. Even as he cums he’s vocal, talking you through it and reminding you to breathe all while he praises you for how well you take it. He’s so gentle it’s making you moan as you swallow, and when you pull off his dick you scramble to get his thigh between yours.

Mingis hands guide your hips over his thigh, setting the pace for you to hump him. He keeps the praise coming, and when he feels you getting close he pulls you down for a numbing kiss. You cum on his thigh while deep in a kiss, and Mingi holds you close to his chest as you come down from it.

Somewhere in the post-orgasm haze, you both fall asleep. It’s peaceful and quiet, Mingi lulls you to sleep with the sounds of his breath and his fingers drawing patterns on your back. When you wake up again it’s in a sweat. His little bedroom is swarming with heat, so you decide on a shower, where Mingi has your chest pressed against the white tiles while he fucks you until you’re cumming a second time, this time while full of his cock. He bites down on your shoulder to keep from cumming until he knows you’re fully satisfied, and only then does he pull out and let himself cum on your ass.

When you’re pulling his shirt over your head 10 minutes later while he cooks you lunch, you catch sight of marks on your shoulder. His teeth had dug hard enough to bloom bruises on your skin, and your mind reels at the fact that he has marked you up.

Mingi has you coming over the next morning too, after you’d spent the previous night sending him pictures of the bruises his teeth left on your skin. His responses had been sporadic as he focused on work, but it didn’t stop you from going into detail about all the things you want Mingi to do to you.

It’s like all the limits have finally vanished, neither of you are held back by the fears and worries of before. It’s just like it had been before you moved back, when you only had phone calls to rely on. Back then, the comfort had come from the fact that you didn’t have to actualize all the things you spoke about. You had time to feel each other out and discuss what you want, all without having to put yourself on the line for possible failure. Now, you’ve found reassurance in the fact that you do have a physical relationship.

You know each other in your bones. You can read all the queues his body gives you, and you know what every little expression on his face means. You can sense differences in his sighs and you know what his voice sounds like when it’s getting to be too much. There’s no room for doubt when Mingi is in front of you, you just intrinsically know what he needs.

The two of you fall into a routine. When morning comes, you skip over to Mingi's house and usually he’s still asleep, tired from his shift the day before. You wake him up with kisses or gentle touches, and if he’s hard by the time you get there, Mingi loves to wake up to you already taking care of him. Some mornings you simply lay beside him, tracing his face with your finger. His hair sticks to his forehead so you brush it back, giving soft kisses to the side of his temple. Your pointer finger follows the contour of his nose and lips, feeling the warmth of his breath exit his nose.

Even though he’s asleep and unaware of your worship, you can’t bring yourself to stop. It’s in these moments you can be fully truthful with your affections. Letting your hands linger on his chest for a moment longer, focusing on his heartbeat underneath your palm. You whisper things to him you’re too afraid to say when he can hear you, just to release yourself from the need. It satiates you enough, like this airing out of your system, enough to keep you going until the next morning when you once again get overwhelmed with the sight of his sleeping form blanketed by sunlight. There is only one thing you forbid yourself from saying, three words that you vow to never let yourself speak.

A full two weeks pass of this. Every day you explore something new, things you’ve spoken about on the phone over the last year. With Mingis parents working daytime, you have full freedom to be as loud as you want. Mingi also takes full advantage of a free house. One morning he bends you over the kitchen counter while breakfast is still cooking. His mouth is always right by your ear, moaning and telling you how bad he needs you, despite fucking you upstairs in his bedroom just an hour earlier. Another day he has you ride him on the couch right before he leaves for work. You love it most when Mingi randomly decides to go down on you, whether it’s in the shower or he makes you lie down on the kitchen table. When he’s got his mouth on you he’s possessive, making sure to mark up your thighs and hips. It happens so often that he sometimes ends up darkening the hickeys he left a few days earlier.

Then Mingis schedule changes, and he has to work in the mornings. It doesn’t stop you, but it puts a damper on things as you know them. You have to meet in the afternoons instead, and with Mingi's parents home you end up sitting through long dinners with his parents, reminiscing and talking. It makes sex a little difficult, and Mingi hates the fact that you have to be quiet. He picks you up in his car a few times, but quick head while parked at the edge of the woods is a harsh contrast to the hours of sex you’d been able to have a few weeks earlier.

You’re caught by surprise one day when your phone calls and you rush to pick up only to find Yunhos voice at the other end. You’re so surprised that you pull your phone away and check the name on the screen, and sure enough it’s Yunho's contact name.

”Hey,” you reply, trying to play off the shock.

”Not happy to hear from me?” he teases.

”Shut up, you know I am!” you joke back.

He laughs in return and makes some small talk, telling you how much fun it was to see you and asking you how you’ve been.

”But, hey, uh,” he interjects. ”You ended up leaving with my shirt, is there any chance I could get it back?”

”Shit,” you curse, squeezing your eyes shut in embarrassment. ”You’re right, I totally forgot. Uh, do you want me to bring it by today?”

”That’d be perfect, thanks!”

When Yunho hangs up the phone, you chew nervously at your lip. Getting the shirt back to Yunho wouldn’t be an issue, it’s just that it’s in Mingi’s room somewhere, and asking him to locate it would probably lead to another weird moment where Mingi says something petty. You’re pacing around your room when your eyes land on his driveway and you remember that Mingi is at work. You’re just about to call Yunho and tell him today’s gonna be impossible, before the solution hits you.

Mingis mom opens the door to their home when you knock, and beams at the sight of you on their doorstep.

”Sweetheart! Hi there, Mingi is at work right now, I’m afraid,” she tells you while wrapping her arms around you for a hug. She always does this, even though you’ve been spending a lot of time over at their house recently, Mingis mother hugs you every time she sees you.

”I know, it’s just that I left something in Mingi's room that I need to get if that’s okay?”

So she lets you run up to his bedroom. You feel a little bad while rummaging through his room, but it doesn’t take you long to find Yunhos flannel shirt bunched up halfway underneath Mingis dresser. Mingis mom tries to convince you to stay for dinner, but you tell her you have to get going, and within moments you’re in your car on the way to Yunhos house.

It’s another picture-perfect day outside, the sky is a pristine blue and the wind is blowing just enough to bring some relief in this heat. Yunho is outside in his front yard, with the rear of his car jacked up.

”Hey, you!” you call, getting out of your car. ”Car trouble?”

You can tell by the fact that he has picked apart the entire wheelhouse that it’s not just something routine, but Yunho shrugs his shoulders.

”Not something I can’t fix,” he smiles. ”Dude, you’re quick. I called you, what, 30 minutes ago?”

You nod, sitting down on the tire Yunho has removed.

”Honestly, I was losing my mind at home. I’ve been doing jack shit for days now, I think I might die out of boredom,” you complain.

”Oh, so you’re saying you left the minute you got my call just because you had nothing better to do? It’s not just because you love me?” Yunho quirks an eyebrow, wiping grease from his forehead.

”Can’t it be both? And anyway, I had to go over to Mingis to get your shirt, so I didn’t leave ’the minute I got your call’,” you say, sticking out your tongue at him.

”It was at Mingi's house?” he asks.

Something comes over Yunhos face that you can’t pinpoint.

”Yeah.. I left with him during the party, and we went to his house afterward.” You hope he buys it as a reasonable enough explanation, it’s at the very least true. Just not the entire truth.

Yunho shrugs, and his eyes lose the edge they just had. He smiles, ”Leaving in one man's shirt to go to another dude's house, all in one night.. Impressive, I’ll give you that.”

”Fuck off!” you huff, kicking Yunhos shoe.

He laughs, slapping down a greasy hand on your knee to let you know that he’s just joking, even though you already know that.

”Although…” you trail off. ”Mingi did say that it’s your move.”

”Oh yeah, it is. I wasn’t expecting you to fall for it, though.” Yunhos's voice is still teasing, but not in the same way that Mingis usually is. You can tell that Yunho is just friendly, that there’s no flirting laced in his words or tone. It makes you miss Mingi.

”I don’t fall for things like that,” you retort, but quickly find your mind going to all the shirts Mingi has let you borrow these past weeks. You wear them all day, every day, even when you come back home after spending time with him. You even sleep in them, and you frequently bury your face in the collar to smell his laundry detergent. The few times he gives you a shirt he’s already worn you end up getting so worked up about it that you think you’d be getting yourself off while smelling it, if it wasn’t for the fact that Mingi now has you cumming at least twice a day.

So, perhaps you do fall for tricks like that. But only when it’s Mingi.

Yunho goes silent, and you can see that he’s chewing on the inside of his lip.

”What’s wrong?” you ask him.

His eyes flick over to yours for a second, then he looks at his hands. You’ve never seen Yunho this deep in thought outside an academic setting, and something about it is making you uneasy.

”You know,” he begins, but the words die as quickly as he says them.

”Yes?” you try again.

He pauses, looking up at you.

”You know that Mingi is my best friend,” he says. ”And I love him, I do, but sometimes he acts like an idiot. And I can’t- I just hate seeing it, you know?”

”Okay,” you mumble, only growing more confused with every word Yunho says.

”I don’t think it was right how he came here with you, then spent the whole night talking to everyone but you. But, he just gets so weird sometimes, right? And like I said, I love him, he’s my best friend, but- we just thought it would be different when you came back home. So, Wooyoung and I decided to see what would happen if I lent you my shirt, and-.. Yeah.”

”What… What are you saying?” Your voice is getting quieter. The cheery happiness from before has retired, and there’s something strange in the atmosphere now. You can’t understand what Yunho is getting at, but there’s a part of you that wonders and wishes. A part of you that can read between the lines of what Yunho is too afraid to say out loud.

”It’s not my place to say,” Yunho says, looking everywhere but your eyes.

”At least tell me what you intended to do with this shirt.” It’s still in your hands, his flannel, and your fingers are tightening around it.

”We just figured that maybe he needed a push,” he tells you, sounding so sheepish.

”You wanted him to get jealous?” you finally say it out loud. Yunho doesn’t meet your eyes, but it’s a clear enough answer. So you ask, ”What do you know about me and Mingi?”

”In all honesty? I don’t know anything. And it used to hurt me because Mingi is my best friend and I’ve known him since we were kids. But that’s what clued me in because I know for a fact that he would have told me if you were dating,” Yunho says. You’re holding your breath while listening to him. He continues, ”I, uh, I accidentally saw the preview of a text you sent him once. Something about.. well, that’s not important. But, I realized it then. We all thought it was just a matter of time, and that you’d make it official when you moved back home.”

You’re hearing every single thing Yunho is saying, but the words just won’t stick. You’re becoming more aware of the birds singing and the sound of the wind among the treetops.

”Mingi is in love with you,” Yunho says. At last. The rest of his words blur together. He has been, a long time, doesn’t know it. Yunhos mouth is moving, and you know what he’s saying, but the rational part of you that knows this can’t be true has stopped listening long ago.

Mingi is not in love with you. He’s just not, that can’t be true.

Yunho scrambles towards you, hands landing on each of your knees. He looks so concerned and his mouth is still moving.

”-you okay? What’s wrong?” You hear once your brain stops blocking your ears. You’re crying, tears falling from your cheeks down onto your hands.

”What did I say?” Yunho asks frantically.

And the confessions start rolling. You tell Yunho about everything, from that first night to everything that has happened since you returned back home. You tell him about the weird moment when Mingi drove you home after the party.

”Don’t you hear it though? He’s in love with you! My god, I think he always has been,” Yunho says.

You scoff, ”He ignored me for four whole months during my first semester away. He’s not in love with me, this is just.. out of comfort, it’s just easy.”

”You’re both in denial. You know what I’m hearing? That Mingi was so heartbroken when you moved away that he couldn’t even be a good friend. That didn’t just extend to you, by the way. He barely hung out with us during that time, and it only changed when you came home for Christmas,” Yunho tries to lay it out for you.

”You’re wrong. You’re wrong-”

”I can’t tell you what to believe,” Yunho says. His hand squeezes your knee, leaving dirty marks of grease on your skin. It’s a gesture of comfort, and you appreciate it for what it is. ”You need to talk to Mingi. Maybe disarm him by telling him that you’re in love with him first.”

The air feels different when you drive back home. It feels heavier, somehow. Yunhos words bear an incredible weight and no matter how many times you run them through your head they don’t get any easier to process. It would be different if it had come from Seonghwa or Hongjoong, who would say practically anything to comfort you. You don’t think Yunho would sweeten his words like they would, or even at all.

You sit through a quiet lunch with your mom, unable to get your thoughts in any other direction than the conversation you just had with Yunho. For some reason, you feel absolutely stuck there, and you can’t see a way for things to work. It feels as if time has been suspended in wait for your next move. The hours tick on though. You lay in your bed and watch the numbers on your alarm clock change. Seconds turn into minutes, and then hours, and your mind is still stuck in the same place as it has since you left Yunhos house.

You don’t realize when the clock indicates that Mingi is ending his shift. The numbers are just ticking, hypnotizing you. You startle when your phone calls and the pit in your stomach grows when you know that it’s probably Mingi.

Your fingers move on pure muscle memory as you pick up your phone and swipe to answer the call, then raise the phone to your ear. Through the phone, you can hear Mingis car running.

”Hello?” Mingi asks. ”You know, it’s usually the person who picks up the phone who speaks first.”

”Sorry,” you croak. You don’t even recognize the sound of your voice.

”Are you okay?” Mingi sounds so concerned it makes your stomach twist. It’s still the same Mingi you have known all your life, and he’s the same man you’ve been fucking the past weeks, but something feels as if it has fundamentally changed. You try to listen to his voice, read it for any hint of tenderness you’d have previously missed. You can’t make out any, it’s the same Mingi as always.

”It’s been a weird day,” you settle for.

”Then what do you say about changing into your swimsuit and we go to the lake? It’s so hot out, I can’t stand to be home. And maybe it can take your mind off of things?” he suggests.

”Yeah, sounds good.”

”I’ll pick you up in 5, better hurry!”

Mingi hangs up. Your head feels all fuzzy and distant, but you pull yourself out of bed and get changed. While putting your clothes over your swimsuit you realize you’re in one of Mingis t-shirts. Every single bit of this feels like a divine punishment. To be dressed in Mingis clothes and have marks in the shape of his mouth decorate your chest and the insides of your thighs, to be so thoroughly claimed by him but yet not be his, is agonizing.

You’re aware that Mingi would park in your driveway and come knocking at your door, wanting to impress and appease your parents at every turn. You just can’t deal with that today, so you hurriedly make your way down the stairs and out your door to wait for him outside. You’re just in time, because Mingi is making the turn up your street and it’s only half a minute before he’s pulling up to your house and you’re getting in his car.

”Hey, I missed you!” Mingi sounds cheerful, sporting a smile so big it’s splitting. You hate the way that time and space curl around Mingi each time you see him as if he presents to you in technicolor and slow motion. Your eyes pass over each feature, trying your best to handle what just seeing him does to your body.

Mingi keeps a pair of extra sunglasses in his car for you, and when you’re sat down he leans over to place them on your face. The gesture is enough to make your breath hitch, but he uses it as an opportunity to lean in for a swift kiss, and you feel as if you’re floating.

Today, Mingi has Fleetwood Mac playing softly throughout the car.

You’re just looking at Mingi with this pit in your stomach, this sense of impending doom sitting heavy in your abdomen. The world feels slow and strangely saturated. The seconds stretch on infinitely, allowing you plenty of time to watch the sunlight adorn Mingi's skin.

You’re aware that you can’t stop staring. When Mingi parks the car and you start making the short walk through the trees to get to the lake, your eyes are always set on him. From the towel slung over his shoulder to the sweat that has broken out and is trickling down the nape of his neck. You’re trying to make sense of the sight in front of you, the same Mingi you’ve made this walk with a hundred times, the only difference being that he’s had you in the most intimate and tender ways now. It forces you to rewrite history, the memories of your childhood innocence are permanently changed. If only you had known then, while sitting on the big rock and throwing pebbles out to break the still surface of the water if you had only known that the boy handing you rocks would end up being the man you fall in love with fifteen years later.

Your stupid, stupid heart. Sometimes you think the ribs, flesh, and muscle containing it won’t be enough to keep it in place. It beats so hard and fast it billows from your chest, through your arms, and out to the very tip of each finger. You have to flex them to stop that lovesick tingle from numbing you.

The water is beautiful. The lake looks just like you remember it, the wind is blowing slight ripples upon the surface and the trees are swinging lightly. Besides the gentle hum of nature, the place is completely undisturbed and it’s just you and Mingi here today.

You're placing your towels down and undressing in silence, barely glancing at each other. You sneak little glances at him in the corner of your eye, wondering what he’s thinking. Yunhos words are still echoing through your head, getting louder and more unbearable for every minute that passes.

Mingi is wading into the water before you know it, covered up to his knees, then thighs, then his waist, and eventually he points his arms and dives in entirely. He erupts back through the surface with a shriek that echoes over the lake, and you can’t stop yourself from laughing.

He rushes back up to where you’re laying on your towel, shoulders bunched up in reaction to the cold water. Mingi shakes his head above you to force droplets onto your bare skin, laughing loudly when you yell in protest. Things feel so extraordinarily regular, it’s as if you have transported back ten years in time. Even when Mingi gets down on his towel and leans over to kiss you, it still feels so normal. It just feels so right with Mingi, like this is what you’re meant to be doing.

Mingis's mouth is cold and wet from his dip in the water, and his hair continues to drip onto your face, but you find it hard to care when he wraps you up in a long, passionate kiss. He’s on his stomach on his towel now, as close to you as he can get. Your heart beats with a discernible nervosity at the fact that you are laid out in the open with Mingi making out with you. There would be quite a walk for anyone else to get here, and you would probably be able to hear branches breaking or even a car parking way before anyone could walk upon the scene and spot the two of you. The risk of getting caught here is low, but you still feel like you’re on display.

Mingis cold fingers wrap around your jaw where he keeps you firmly as his tongue enters your mouth. The kissing goes to your head very quickly, dulling all your senses as all your thoughts are replaced by what Mingi is doing with his mouth. He knows you so well that he pulls away seconds before you lose your breath, letting you regain it while he kisses the corner of your mouth softly. His hand trails over your chest and down your stomach carefully, feeling the way your ribcage heaves as your breaths get steadier.

Mingis eyes follow the path of his hand before he abruptly stops by your knee.

”What’s that?” he asks you. You have to crane your neck to see what he’s looking at. Not much remains of it, but there are still faint marks of dirt and grease on the top of your knees. Just on the outside of your leg, there’s an unmistakable fingerprint.

”Oh,” you mumble. Mingi detaches himself from you with a quickness that makes you lose your breath, and you scramble to get up too.

”I don’t- I feel like I don’t even need to ask who left that on you,” Mingi says.

”It was Yunho,” you rush out, wanting so badly to resolve this before Mingis thoughts spin and twist so bad that you can’t untangle them. It’s clear from the look on his face that your words and their haste only have the opposite effect.

”Yunho?” he questions, getting quieter.

”It’s not all what you think. He called me about that shirt he let me borrow a few weeks ago, remember? I went to his house to give it back and we got to talking. You know, just.. stuff, about life. I ended up getting emotional and he comforted me. I was crying and he put his hands on my knees, that’s all.” You read Mingis's face for any changes, but nothing happens. He only looks at you, taking in your half-truth excuse of an explanation.

”What is it that Yunho can comfort you about, but I can’t?” Mingi asks, his eyes staring into yours with so much intensity you feel like crying. You had expected everything but that. You’d rather Mingi accuse you of getting intimate with Yunho, that you’re lying and it’s a terrible cover story you’re spinning. You could defend yourself from all that, but not this.

”That’s not… Mingi, it’s not like that. I didn’t just choose to go there for comfort. It just happened, I just started crying, and that’s it,” you urge.

Mingis legs are drawn up to his chest and his arms are wrapped around them. He looks so small and vulnerable. His eyebrows are starting to furrow together, and you’re finding it hard to tell if it’s anger or sadness that is starting to show on his face. Both possibilities terrify you equally.

”Why?” he wonders, simply. ”Why did you cry?”

You can physically see the restraints he’s putting on himself to hear you out, to not race away with his worries. You wish it means what you want it to mean. That Mingis vulnerability was an act of love instead of self-preservation. He’s probably sat there worried at the threat of Yunho taking you away and replacing his role. That the fun you’ve had the past weeks, and the year before that, would be over, just like that. You wonder if he views it as a hindrance more than anything. Mingi has finally scored a way to have sex on the regular, without the commitment or worries of starting with someone new. What you have is a lot of comfort, and you suppose he doesn’t want to lose that.

Still, even this feels like a lot more than you deserve of him. If you can’t have Mingi in the ways that you want, you’ll have to do your best to preserve the arrangement you have now.

”It’s not important,” you mumble. You know it’s not a good enough answer.

Mingi lets the word hover in the air for a moment, pondering on whether he should let it go.

In the end, he decides to speak. ”There’s nothing you can tell me that would scare me off. You know that, right?”

”That’s not true,” you whisper, so quiet it’s almost a hiss. ”There is something I can’t ever tell you.”

Tears start to fall down your cheeks and it’s now a conscious effort to keep your sobs contained within your chest. The lake is still breathtaking, the wind is still and the sun is bright in the perfect blue sky. It’s a beautiful day to get your heart broken, at the very least.

Mingi stretches his fingers and you watch the tendons twitch and flex. You’re brought back to what you were doing earlier, shaking off your nerves.

”What if I say it first?” he says. You look up at his eyes.

”What?”

”That I love you,” he tells you. His eyes are big and dark, brimming with tears of his own. ”If I say it first, will you say it too?”

”Mingi-”

”I do love you,” he begins. ”It’s stupid, looking back, because I think I’ve loved you since before you left. I loved you that first night, I already knew it, and I felt so stupid when I woke up the morning after. Doing that with you when I was drunk out of my mind made me feel like shit. And then I felt even more like shit, because- because, it made me realize that it hadn’t been the way I wanted it to be. So I took comfort in the fact that it was over the phone, and I still had time to do it right. To start right, with you, I mean. I wanted our first time to be perfect. I knew I loved you when I kept thinking about it. But then, when you finally came back, it truly clicked. For a while, I had figured that I’d know how I felt about you when we had sex for the first time. But I was wrong because all it took was me seeing you to know that I’m in love with you.”

”Mingi,” you whisper, again, over and over. It’s all you can bring yourself to say, like a prayer, before you crawl over to him and press your lips to his. It doesn’t matter that it takes him a beat to respond, you don’t care at all anymore about how things get awkward or strange. You continue to kiss over his mouth until he’s ready to kiss you back, when time finally catches up to you and it dawns on you both that this is real.

You can’t stop kissing him, breathing out his name every time you part.

”I love you,” you mumble into his mouth. ”I’m so in love with you.”

Mingi smiles into the kiss. Your senses are overwhelmed with the taste of both your tears and the fact that you’re both now smiling and giggling, repeating ’I love you’s until the words merge.

He pulls you into his arms, tumbling over into the grass. He stops kissing you to just look at you, and you watch him too. Your Mingi, in the grass by the lake. Finally, your Mingi.

[danikamariewrites]

Just Us

Mob!Azriel x reader AU

A/n: part 2 is here! Although I don’t really like calling it a part two because I don’t see it as a series, I don’t have a better name for it so we’re just going to call it a series. I just see this as a universe with ongoing stories/one-shit fics and headcanons lol. Thank you for all the love this is getting though! I’m so happy so many of you want to be tagged for these posts ❤️

Warnings: none

Series Masterlist

Digging out another option from Mor’s closet I start to panic. Azriel will be here in two hours to pick me up and it feels like every part of me is sweating from nerves. I wipe my hands on my leggings so I can grip the velvet hanger better. I turn to face the chaos Mor and Feyre have created. 

Shoes from each of their closests and mine, eyeshadow pallets, and even more clothing options cover every inch of Mor’s bedroom. It’s all so…intimidating. I’ve been on dates before, but none of those guys were ever worth half the effort I’m putting in for Azriel. Which is probably why I’m freaking out more than normal. 

As I lay out the dress on Mor’s bed my ears finally pick up what Feyre is joyously rambling about. “And then Gavin just backed off. I have never him seen him humbled so fast Mor, oh my gods. It was hilarious.” A small smile tugs at the corner of my lips. It was refreshing to see Gavin put in his place. Especially by someone like Azriel. 

I circle the bed eyeing my endless options for dresses. My attention lands on one of Feyre’s black velvet cocktail dresses. It has a corset type bodice with tank top straps and a pleated skirt. It’s perfect. 

Picking it up I break out into a wide grin. Feyre and Mor notice looking at me like proud parents. “What?” I ask with a slight giggle. “It’s just…you’re going on a real date. With a real man. I just feel so proud.” Mor squeaked out, wiping away fake tears. 

I shake my head letting out a shaky sigh. “I like this one, can I wear it, Fey?” “Of course babe. This is going to look amazing on you.” She starts gathering the other dresses as Mor begins to look for shoes to match. Sitting me on the bed Feyre grabs my face and purses her lips in thought. “How do you feel about a very light Smokey eye?” 

A knock on the front door - approximately two hours later - breaks my focus from applying mascara. “I’ll get it!” Mor yells from the living room. Just a few more strokes and I’ll be done. My hand shakes from anticipation. Maybe if I take longer he’ll get impatient and I won’t have to go. 

No, don’t think like that. I deserve a nice date. I shake my body and check myself over in the mirror one last time. I look hot thanks to my best friends' combined effort. “Ok,” I whisper. 

Heading out to the living room I can hear Mor and Feyre talking with him. Gods, I hope they’re avoiding embarrassing topics. When I round the corner my steps stutter. It’s not Azriel in the living room. It’s one of the males he brought into the gallery. The larger one of the two who winked at me. “There she is!” Mor said in a sing-song voice. 

I walk forward and the male reaches his hand out for me to shake. “Hi y/n, I’m Cassian.” I take his hand, his calluses are rough against my palm as I shake his hand. “Hi, I remember you from the gallery. If you don’t mind me asking, where’s Azriel?” I hate how small my voice sounds as I ask but I don’t want Cassian to feel like I’m not trusting him or his boss. Cassian smiles at me. “He’s already at the restaurant, he just sent me to pick you up.” I nod and say goodbye to Mor and Feyre before they push me out the door. 

Cassian opens the car door for me, taking my hand to help me up into the high SUV. I thank him before he shuts the door. The ride over to the restaurant was fast and quiet. I think Cassian could tell I’m nervous. When we pull up I notice the small parking lot was oddly empty. 

I audibly swallow, staring out the window at the front door. Cassian opens the door smiling at me with a boyish grin. “Cassian, can I ask you something?” “Sure thing.” Concern flashes across his face. The scar above his brow crinkling in. “I just…is he…” I can’t find the right words to ask my question correctly. Cassian seemed to pull himself up straighter. “I know you know his job but he’s not cruel. Azriel can be guarded at first but I think you’ll get through to him easily. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.” He smiles at me again, squeezing my hand in encouragement. I sigh, tilting my head to the side. “You’ve only seen me twice.” “That’s all I need. I know my brother.” 

I nod and take Cassian’s hand again to step out of the car and he ushers me into the restaurant. As I look around I notice the dining room is empty. Most of the tables look like they have been cleared out so a special table could be set up in the middle of the room. Azriel is speaking to the chef and a male I assume is the owner. 

Cassian clears his throat behind me to get Azriel’s attention. When he turns it feels like all the air has been sucked from my lungs. My heart flutters at the bright smile he gives me. His hazel eyes light up as they look me up and down. I finally start breathing again when he stops in front of me. The scent of his cologne is intoxicating. The warm vanilla tones mixed with a light spice fills my nostrils. It’s comforting and makes me want to curl up next to him to breathe it in more. 

Azriel takes my hands in his large scarred ones, bringing them up to his lips to press light kisses across my knuckles. I didn't notice the scars marring them before. They were beautiful. Like a torrent, restless ocean. “You look absolutely stunning this evening.” A blush heats my cheeks, a small smile appearing on my lips from his compliment. “Thank you. You look handsome as well.” 

He drops my hands holding his arm out for me to take like he did in the gallery two days ago. Azriel continues being the gentleman that he is and pulls my seat out for me, pushing me back in, and listens to my answers when he asks me about myself. When it was my turn I asked about his childhood, which seemed to be quite normal given the amount of money his family has. I also couldn’t help but ask why the restaurant was empty.

Azriel sheepishly smiled, looking at his entree for a moment before admitting he bought the place out for the night. “I prefer first dates to be more…intimate, if you will.” I let out a hum, “So you do this for all the girls.” I joke. Azriel looked panicked for a moment. “No,” he got out quickly, “This is, you’re the first one I’ve ever done this for actually.” His voice getting quieter at the end.

My heart leaps at the confession. No one has ever put that much thought into a date with me before and I told him how much I appreciate this.  

“So, how did you get into art?” He asks over dessert. A delicoius crème brûlée with a perfect golden brown sugar coating. I break it with my spoon as I think about how to phrase my answer. "I've always loved art no matter what form it comes in. Paintings, sculpture, digital, all that stuff. I like that people appreciate something pretty or one of a kind, so if I can help them get their hands on it, it makes me happy."

I look at him, shoveling the sweet creamy treat in my mouth. Azriel smiles at me adoringly. Those hazel eyes twinkling with what I'd like to think is love. "That's amazing. Besides the two I got, how many paintings have you sold?" I let out a short, cold laugh thinking about how pissed Gavin was that I made a sale. "You were my first customer. and probably my last. As I know you heard my boss say I'm just an intern. I really should've called him but it was the end of the day so what was the harm."

Azriel shook his head. A dissaproving look takes over his beautiful face as he remembers the scene he walked in on yesterday. "I was ready to punch him." Azriel admits. "He had no right to talk to you like that. But I must say, you were a natural my dear. I probably wouldn't have bought the paintings wihtout your knowledge on them."

"Thank you." I say surprised that soemone didn't find my knowledge about art annoying.

When we finished the chef came out to say goodbye along with the owner. Azriel offered me his arm again but I took a chance twinning my fingers through his. We glance down at our joined hands. I smile lightly at the comfort I feel when I hold it. Azriel looks shocked that I would even go near his hands. "Is this ok?" I ask softly. He seems at a loss for words just nodding and staring at me like a boy realizing he has a crush for the first time.

The whole car ride back to my apartment Azriel doesn't let go of my hand. I rest them on my lap and gently rub my thumb back and forth in a comforting motion. When Cassian comes to stop in front of my apartment my heart sinks. I don't want Azriel to go. I'm not ready for tonight to be over.

"I got it Cass." Azriel says before Cassian can unbuckle. He leads me up the short steps, stopping on the landing. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Feyre and Mor crouched down on the couch. Their eyes just peeking over the window sill. Ignoring them I turn my attention back to Azriel who hasn’t taken his eyes off me since we left the restaurant.

He slips his other hand in mine pulling me slightly closer to him. “I had a wonderful time with you. And I really want to see you again.” Without hesitation I say yes, “I’d love to.” Azriel’s smile seemed to get wider. I must say, he’s not at all what I thought he’d be like. Not knowing how to say goodbye we stumble over our words for a moment until Azriel’s expression became serious. His face mere inches from mine now. “Can I kiss you, y/n.” Something about my name on his lips just seemed so right. “Yes,” I whisper.

Azriel’s lips are like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. The kiss is soft yet passionate and full of a desire I don’t think either of us would be able to sate. Pulling away for air I feel Azriel’s hands slip down my neck and pull away from my body. I hadn’t realized he was holding me. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” I nod, speechless. The air once again sucked from my lungs.

I slowly open the front door giving him a small wave before shutting it. Leaning against the wood I listen for his graceful retreating footsteps, the car door, and the engine as Cassian takes off down the street.

My heart won’t stop pounding. I rest a hand over my chest, a stupid smile on my lips as I’m off in my own fantasy world.

tags (accounts I couldn’t tag in bold): @amara-moonlight @harrystylesfan2686 @kalulakunundrum @thinkingofmatthewfairchild @just-a-social-casualty-1 @insecuritieeseatmealive @teenageeggscissorslawyer @theladystardust @thehighladywrites @callmeblaire @luell1q @meshellexplosionmurder @verena9003 @starsinyoureyes @mich0731 @yourfutur3lov3r @samanthalynn13 @enchantedatheart

[thatsmzbitchtoyou]

Sweet Pumpkin Chapter 2

Summary:  Bucky is struggling with the dating world and knows that if he ever hopes to have a serious relationship, that he needs to get through his touch deprivation issues.  It’s not that he doesn’t want to touch people, or them to touch him, but after decades of pain he doesn’t know how to accept physical intimacy from others, or how to give it himself.  He hires Y/N, an intimacy coach and professional cuddler, who comes highly recommended.  Will his heart be able to distinguish between a service given versus real love?

Warnings: mentions of past violence and past sexual assault, language, physical intimacy, eventual smut

**curvy reader

Previous chapter Next chapter

Bucky saw Y/N every Friday for the next two months.  They had made great strides together, and he was able to be touched without immediately shrinking away or flinching.  He now greeted her with a hug every time she opened the door, smiling widely at him with that same twinkle in her eye.  He was able to hold her gaze without feeling the need to look away, to touch her without hesitation.  

“I think we’re ready for the bed,” Y/N announced.

“The bed?” Bucky asked.

“Yep!” she said cheerfully.  She walked over to the bed and climbed up, sitting on the end by the wall, her hands in her lap and her legs spread out in front of her.  She leaned back against the wall and then patted the spot next to her.  “Come sit with me, Buck.”  Bucky followed her and sat next to her on the bed.  They had sat next to each other on the couch not far from the bed, so this wasn’t much different.  She watched him then looked ahead of herself.  “Alright, now I want you to reach over and put your hand on my thigh.”

“Your thigh?” Bucky said incredulously.  “What is this, a date?”

“Yes,” Y/N smirked.  “Pretend you’re on a date with some pretty person and you’d like to reach over and hold onto their thigh.”

Bucky was still surprised, glancing down at her legs.  “Okay,” he said.  “Not hard to pretend when I’ve got a pretty lady right next to me already.”

Y/N snorted, covering her face with her hands as she laughed, Bucky chuckling next to her.  He’d been a lot more personable and flirty with her the last month as he became more comfortable.  They teased each other, Bucky using humor as a way to lighten the mood whenever there were heavy or serious moments.  “Such a flirt,” she scoffed.  Bucky smiled but reached out and gripped her thigh, just a few inches above her knee.  “Easy,” she said, tapping his hand on her thigh proudly.  “Okay, now put your arm around my shoulders.”  Bucky moved that same arm up and over her shoulders, pulling her closer to him.  “Very good,” she said, and he felt a tug of his heart at the praise.  “Can I put my head on your shoulder?” she said, looking up at him.

“Yeah,” Bucky said.  Y/N leaned her head against his shoulder.  They sat like that in silence for a moment before Bucky leaned his head down to rest on top of her head.  

“Very good,” she praised him again.  “Is that comfortable for you?”

“Yes,” he agreed.  “I think I can handle the basic date touching, Y/N.”

“I’m sure you can,” Y/N said, moving to sit back up.  Bucky begrudgingly lifted his head and moved his arm back to his side.  She suddenly sat up on her knees to face him and leaned forward towards his face.  “Staring contest, go!” she said loudly.

Bucky’s lips tightened into a thin line as he tried not to laugh, his eyes widening as he stared at her.  “Jesus, Y/N, why do you keep doing this when you know you’re gonna lose?”

“It’s an exercise,” she explained simply, shrugging one of her shoulders.  “Keeping prolonged eye contact is extremely intimate, and important when talking to people so they feel like they’re being seen and listened to.”  

Bucky huffed a laugh.  “Sure, or it could just be your excuse to look at me,” he teased, arching his eyebrow at her and his eyes narrowing.

She narrowed her eyes back at him.  “Could be. I mean, for 107 you don’t look half bad.”

“Half bad?” Bucky said, tilting his head at her.  “I look fucking hot for 107.”  She fought a wide smile, making her lips twitch in the corners.  He could see her eyes starting to water and decided to up the ante.  Their faces were already close together, just a few inches away, another thing they’d worked on, but now he slowly leaned forward until his nose was nearly touching her nose.  Y/N’s eyes fluttered but didn’t quite close.  “Just admit it, you think I’m hot, don’t you?” he teased.

Y/N’s eyes widened then shut tight.  “Goddammit,” she swore, leaning back and rubbing her eyes.  

Bucky laughed.  “I win,” he said jovially.

“Yeah yeah,” Y/N laughed.  “We’ve still got about 15 minutes.  Did you wanna try cuddling today?”

Bucky nodded.  As much as it was important for him to be able to learn to be in such close proximity with someone, he had been waiting for this part of their sessions.  “Yeah.  How did you want to…?”

Y/N smiled then moved back to where she was before.  She laid down, keeping her upper half slightly propped up in the pillows behind her head.  “Let’s start with me holding you,” she said.  “Unless you’d rather be the big spoon first?”

“The big spoon?” Bucky laughed.  

“You’ve never heard of being the big spoon or little spoon?” Y/N laughed.  “God you’re so old.”

“Hey, that’s ageist,” Bucky said, his hand against his chest.  “How disrespectful of your elders!”

“Oh shut up and get down here,” Y/N huffed, opening her arms up to him.

Bucky chuckled again and slid himself down so he was laying next to her.  They had never done this before, but he felt no fear or worry about it.  He wanted to feel her, for her to hold him, and happily accepted her embrace.  She guided him to rest his head against her chest, just under her chin, then sat still and held him, her hands randomly moving up and down his upper back.  He wrapped his flesh arm around her, his metal arm tucked underneath himself and resting between them across her stomach.  

“How does this feel?” Y/N asked quietly.

“Amazing,” Bucky answered honestly, his cheek slightly squashed against her sternum.  His flesh arm around her pulled her closer to him.  Y/N hummed as she leaned her head down to rest on top of his head.  They sat in silence for a few more minutes, Bucky nearly being lulled to sleep by the beating of her heart.  Her hand on his back moved slightly up and over the back of his neck and it made him shiver.  “Could you, uh…” he paused, feeling embarrassed.

“What is it?” Y/N asked.

“Could you run your fingers through my hair, please?” Bucky whispered.

Y/N huffed a laugh and squeezed him.  “Sure thing, hot stuff,” she said.

“I knew it!” Bucky said loudly, his arm squeezing her again.

“Yeah yeah, you’re hot, whatever,” Y/N said nonchalantly as her hand reached up and her fingers started slowly scratching down his scalp through his hair.

“Oh my god,” Bucky sighed, feeling like he was melting into her.  Y/N’s chest jiggled as she silently laughed.  

“I’ve got you,” she whispered into his hair.  “Just relax.”

Bucky nuzzled into her chest.  He wanted to bury into her, to stay like this forever.  He was proud of himself for how far he’d come over the last two months, but now he was worried.  What would happen if she felt like he was done with their sessions?  He’d gotten to know her pretty well over their time together, and she knew him better than anyone else in his life at this point.  She had quickly become his safe space, and he knew he was in trouble from that first night when she let him touch her face, tracing over her lips.  

He was dozing off until she tapped his shoulder.  “Bucky, wake up,” she called to him softly.  “Our time’s up.”

Bucky whined.  “No, five more minutes.”

Y/N giggled.  “I know, but it’s time.”  She started to unwind her arms from around him, forcing him to get up.  He slowly sat up, yawning and stretching as Y/N scooted to the end of the bed and sat facing him.  “How did cuddling feel?” she asked, watching him intently.

“Great,” Bucky answered, smiling at her tiredly.  

“Good,” Y/N breathed with her own tired smile.  “I’ll see you next week.”

Bucky nodded, standing and then reaching a hand out to her to help her up.  She took it and stood and then he pulled her hand to make her close to him and quickly hugged her.  “Thanks,” he said quietly.

“No problem,” Y/N replied.

@mishkatelwarriorgoddess @cjand10 @railmesebstan

[mooncalvin]

Across the hall (pt. 2)

Summary: just George and you getting to know each other a bit better.

Warnings: pure smut. Choking kink, Dom!George, and much more.

Words: 4k

A/n: I'll leave this here and go back to my cave. I just finished uni and now I have much more time for writing so let's just see how it goes. Hope you like this very much!

A few days later you two meet at the same caffee of the last time.

“So what about Georgie?”

You flush once again “I mean, he is really nice, I don’t really know much about him”

“It’s not like you have to know an awful lot of someone to want to fuck them” she stated “By the way, I think he likes you too, we went to see him on Tuesday and he couldn’t shut up about you and your paintings, and he isn’t really an artsy guy, you know?”

“But before this , he barely even looked at my direction, I’m sure he didn’t even know I existed” 

“Girl! The only reason I went for sugar to your house is because he said you looked nice and didn’t want to go by himself, we weren’t even baking a cake” her answer took you by surprise.

“Lily!”

You kept talking to her as the days went by, you were more similar than what you would’ve thought. But he wouldn’t stop bringing up George, dead-set on getting you two together.

You haven’t seen him since the last interaction at your apartment one week ago. So you were surprised when you saw him knocking at your door.

“Hi” you greeted him, failing to hide your smile “is there anything you need”.

“Not really” he answered “I thought it was only fair to invite you for coffee at my place since you invited me the other day.” he proposed to you shyly.

“Sure I would love to,” you said enthusiastically.

You walked to his flat, very different from yours, sober and modern style, almost impersonal, probably because he has recently moved in. You smiled when you saw some of his helmets and pictures of a much younger him from when he was in the lower racing categories. 

“You were cute here” he smiled as a red layer covered his cheeks.

“Well, do you want to sit down? I can put on a movie or something while I prepare the drinks” he muttered.

“Yeah, sure”. After a while he returns and sits next to you, fairly close to you, but not enough. Neither of you started a conversation at first, feeling a bit awkward. It’s him who breaks the silence.

“How is your artwork coming?” you turn to him to answer.

“I finished the piece I was working on when you visited, now I’m working on a personal piece.” he hummed and turned his gaze to the tv. A while after, you turn your head to discover him already looking at you. This man has to be interested in you, right? The looks he’s been giving to you since you’ve entered his apartment screaming “I’m thinking about fucking you right now”. He wouldn’t be smirking and staring at you if he didn’t want to sleep with you. But were you going to act on it? Hell no.

“So, you are a formula one driver” you stated.

“I am indeed” he answered.

“And how is it?” you asked, genuinely curious about it.

“Well, I’ve been racing all my life and formula one is the top of racing, so it feels like an actual dream but it also has its flaws. I don’t really like all of the press stuff and how paparazzis and magazines intrude into your private life, ” he said. You bite your lip while listening to him.

“If you don’t stop biting your lip like that I don't know how much more I could control myself” he mutters so quietly that you almost can’t hear him, but you do. Your eyes go wide as you freeze, watching how he licks his lips as he approaches you “God I want to fuck you so bad.”

All the breath leaves your body, heat rushing to your core. Your cheeks are bright red, heart shaking as you look at him. 

He actually wants you. He wants to fuck you.

All you can do is look at him, muttering a quiet “George…” Before he is leaning over you, body pressing against yours, lips so close that you can feel his hot breath, hands gripping your chin. You can feel the slight hardness poking at your stomach so you look down briefly before looking into his eyes again. 

George’s blue eyes stare into yours, watching your every movement. Your lips are practically brushing each other. And his hand goes to your hip, pressing you close to him. A moan escapes your mouth before his lips are fully into yours, silencing you. 

It takes you a second to respond to the kiss. But then you feel his lips move against your and follow, kissing him with passion. Your hands come up to hold onto him. One pressing against his cheek and the other on the back of his head, so you can run it through his hair. He presses you harder against him as his other hand goes to your hair tugging it, leaving your neck uncovered, so he can start to kiss it and bite it.

He lets out a little moan when you pull his hair to bring your lips together again. 

One of his hands moves up to your neck, wrapping around it and adding a light pressure. You take his bottom lip with your teeth , pulling back and biting down lightly before pulling away from his lips entirely.

He stares down at you, hand wrapped around your neck as you pant and whine, legs wrapped around him squeezing while you attempt to grind into him.

“Do you like it rough sweet girl?” A laugh escapes him, fingers pressing into your throat a little tighter for a moment, you moan out, nodding your head.

Right now you feel like you’ve never before, relinquishing all your control to George as your mind goes fuzzy and your pussy gets wetter.

Both of you moan when George grinds his cock straight into you, the friction scratching right against your clit.

He buries his head into your neck befores going upwars, his mouth coming to rest beside your ear.

“I’m going to take you into my room and I’m going to eat this pussy before fucking you raw. Is that alright darling?” your pussy clenches as  and your head is nodding before he grabs you under your thighs and picks you up, walking through his apartment towards his bedroom.   

You bounce on the bed when he throws you down, giggling while you lay there and stare at him.

He stands at the end of the bed, tall and imposing.

You watch as he takes off his t-shirt, his body skinny but full of muscle, wanting nothing more than to rip the rest of his clothes, but he is quicker as he grabs your legs and slides you down the bed.

“Do you want this sweetheart?” he stares down at you with a smirk, palming his erection through his trousers. You glance at him, nodding your head. “Words, darling”

“Yes,” you mutter.

“Yes what? Your eyebrows furrow, and you take a moment comprehending what you heard before you realise. 

“Yes sir” you practically moan.

He lets out a groan at your words, hands rushing to undo your belt and take off your trousers, sliding them down your legs, leaving you in only your panties.

You’re grateful that you didn't choose to wear your teddy bear panties, maybe you knew that something like this could happen.

George moans when he sees your soaked underwear, a hand reaching your covered pussy. You whine and move your hips up, only hoping that he would do something else. “George…” Suddenly he is rushing to pull your pants down your legs, spreading them and throwing them over his shoulders as he kneels in front of you.

You lay there in anticipation as George lays open mouthed kisses on your thighs. He continues to tease you, coming closer to your core before moving away. Your whine at the teasing.

“So desperate for me, aren’t you?” When you look down at him, he’s still looking at you, lips puffy from all the kisses you shared. “If you beg me I might just consider going further love” he says before nipping the skin of your thigh. 

Your legs tighten around his head “Please, George, please, I need it so bad”. He scoffs against your leg, a hand going up to caress your ass gently, before laying a smack onto it, making your hips buck into him.

“I don’t think I remember what I told you to call me, was it that?” He says sharply.

“Please sir…” you let out another whine as he licks a strip up your pussy, getting the attention you needed.

“You taste so good, sweet girl” he says before diving back and running his tongue all the way to your clit, sucking it.

You moan out, and your hands fly to tangle in his hair and pull. He lets out a moan and brings an arm to hold your hips down, continuing his duty.

You cannot stop moaning, a pressure building up your lower stomach as he continues with his torment.

He fucks you with his tongue, his nose digging into your clit, one of his hands harshly gripping onto your thighs as they rest on his shoulders. All you can do is look down and watch him, eyes almost closed because of the pleasure.

His hand releases your leg and comes to your pussy, one of your fingers sliding into it, making your grip on his hair tighten. 

He puts another one not long after, curving both of them, hitting the spot that makes you see stars. He pulls his face away from you for a moment, his fingers still fucking you as he looks up at you, his chin covered in your slick. Your walls clench around his fingers, making him let out a laugh, motivating him to do it harder.

“Such a dirty little whore, aren’t you?��� you tighten around his fingers as he says it, making him laugh again “You like that, don’t you? My little slut” you let out a moan indicating that you are going to come soon.

“I-I’m going to come” you stutter, not being able to form a coherent sentence.

“Yeah baby? Are you going to soak my fingers like the dirty girl you are?” you feel as he adds a third one, stretching you.

You moan as a confirmation, and he leans down again, sucking you hard as he continues pounding his fingers into you.

You feel your stomach pull tighter, as your release comes, moaning his name as you cum. Your legs shake, back arching as the pleasure invades you. That doesn’t make him stop, as he continues licking you through your orgasm.

He pulls away from your pussy, and lets his hand to his mouth, tasting your release as he lets out a moan.

He stands up fully, towering over you once again as you lay in bed, recovering from the orgasm that has just hit you.

You come back to earth as you feel him grab your waist and hike you up the bed, resting your head on one of the pillows that lies there. Then he dives down to connect your lips and your hands go up to wrap around his shoulders, nails digging into them. You continue to kiss as he grinds his erection over your pussy. You shake at the overstimulation, whining when his lips leave your mouth. You open your eyes to see him hovering over you, smirk on his face.

“From the moment I saw you I knew I had to ruin you” he says, eyes dark with lust. You moan at his words.

“Please fuck me George” you mutter, pulling him back down and kissing him fiercely. He pins your wrists to the bed, taking control.

He pulls away, releasing your arms and pulling you up so he can pull your shirt off, admiring your breasts in your bra before removing it. He pushes you back down and starts laying kisses across your chest until he takes one of your nipples into his mouth, sucking it lightly and pinching the other one with his hand. You moan, your hips grinding on him and hands on his hair as he continues to lap at your breasts, switching between them.

He pulls away and stares at you for a moment, “I’m going to fuck you so hard” he says before pulling away undoing his pants so he can push them and his underwear down, revealing his cock to you.

He’s actually bigger than you expected, precum dripping from his tip. You can’t help but moan at the sight as your legs open on their own, almost like a reflex, exposing yourself to him again.

He laughs at your eagerness. “You don’t mind if I fuck you raw, do you, love?” you shake your head quickly.

“Please I need to feel you inside me” You whine, becoming desperate for him. He smirks at you as he climbs the bed, crawling on top of you, getting himself between your legs, dragging his cock across your wet folds, making you leave a moan as he brushes your clit.

He grabs your legs, pushing them up slightly as he holds himself up on top of you, guiding the tip to your hole, pushing it slightly.

Both of you moan, your back arched at the feeling and your eyes closed. But they shoot open when you feel George wrapping one of his hands around your throat, adding a light pressure “that’s right babygirl” he whispers “keep your eyes open for me”.

Then he begins pushing in, your walls squeezing him as you struggle to keep your eyes open, gasping.

He mumbles a “fuck” and keeps pushing in, hand squeezing your throat slightly.

“Oh George…” you whine when he bottoms out, him fully inside you.

The feeling is just amazing. The stretch of his dick and the feeling of his hand around your throat sends you into a state of bliss, making you struggle to keep your eyes open.

George is not much better, his eyes are also closed as he refrains himself not to start pounding into you like some kind of animal, wanting to give you a second to adjust to his size before fucking you fully.

His eyes are open when he hears you mutter a little “please”. And he looks at your face as you stare up at him, begging him to move and fuck you.

He doesn’t waste a second, pulling out of you before sliding back in.

You both moan at the same time and he begins pushing in and out of your cunt, picking up his pace.

Your eyes roll to the back of your head, and your hands come to grab his wrist as he continues to choke you, slowing your breathing in the most delightful way.

The coil is back on your stomach, this time faster than before. The feeling of his cock pushing against your walls is just as good as you had imagined, maybe even better.

You stare up at him as he pounds into you, his pace picking up as your eyes catch his. He slides the hand that was at your throat down your body until it reaches your clit, rubbing it.

“Open your mouth” he suddenly says. You can’t help but be confused, not really understanding why you should open your mouth, but you do it anyway. You watch as he spits in your mouth. “Swallow it”. You do it immediately, your pussy squeezing as he lets out a “good girl” after.

He lets out another moan before pulling out of you.

You whine at the emptiness, hands going to his arms before he’s grabbing you and flipping you over onto your stomach, grabbing your hips and pitching them up, hips in the air and face buried in the pillows.

George grabs onto your ass, kneading it before leaning down and biting you, spanking you after you let a little moan. “You’re just the perfect girl for me”. You hear him mutter before his hands go to your hips and he starts pushing his cock into you again, making you moan happily.

Now he goes pounding into you, pace fast and rough as he fucks you into the bed.

His cock glides in and out of you, the occasional smack on your ass as you moan out.

You feel so close to coming. “Harder George please!”, you call out, painting and gripping onto the sheets tight as his trusts get harder.

He grabs your hair, pulling until you’re leaning up on your knees, your back to his chest, hitting deeper with each thrust. You moan together, and you turn your face to his, your lips connecting in a sloppy but passionate kiss. Your hand cradles his head, the other grabbing his side, as he continues to fuck up into you.

You feel the coil tighten and tighten, bringing you closer to relief. And as if he had read your mind, George’s hand comes to your clit, making you cum all over him.

You moan loudly, body trembling as he continues to fuck you, your hand pullin his hair tightly, even louder when you feel the heat of his cum fill you as he comes inside of you, his own moans mixing with yours as he connects your lips again.

You keep kissing as you come down from your highs. Breaths steadying when you pull away from each other.

You stare into his eyes as he stares into yours, the both of you panting. A smile makes its way into your lips, one forming in his no long after. One of his hands comes to cradle the back of your head, pulling you into him to kiss you again.

He then slowly pulls his cock out of your pussy, making you whine at the feeling, already missing him. He gives you a short peck and helps you lay down on the bed before pulling away from you entirely.

“I’ll come back in a moment, love” he says. You nod and close your eyes as you feel the exhaustion creepin into you.

You don’t even know how long it went until George gets back. You feel him spread your legs a little before a wet cloth is cleaning away the cum that pools your pussy. You half open your eyes and watch him, a dizzy smile on your face at his caring actions.

He glances at you when he’s done, climbing back into bed next to you.

He pulls you into him, pulling you to rest onto his chest. You wrap your arm around him, squeezing harder when you hear his heart beating faster.

You feel him lean down and press a kiss to your head, sighing in contentment at the moment.

After what could have been hours but were just a few minutes settling after your littler encounter, you pull away from him a little bit, leaning up as you look at him, him looking back at you. A small smile rests on his face, and you lean forward to press a kiss to his lips, humming with joy as his lips press back.

When you pull away you look back at him.

It’s now or never.

“Would you go on a date with me?” you ask him, anxiety crippling.

He can’t help but laugh at your question.

“I’d love to go on a date with you”.

Taglist: @mysticalnightenthusiast @vildetry06 @rens-daylight

[thema-nr-2]

so I can’t stop rereading can’t do it alone, and I might need another part to it, like right when he gets off the tour, and he meets reader at her house, and is literally so excited to just feel her around him, and to taste her again, he just can’t help himself. you don’t have to do this request I just want it but if you don’t want to it’s your choice anyway

cant do it alone (pt 2) - B.K

✮ synopsis - a part two to this fic, Bill is finally off tour and gets to see his precious girlfriend again. But he can’t help himself but be all over her!!! 🎀

✮ genre - fluff to smut i guess?

✮ word count - 1.3k (kinda slow burn imo i’m a major in yapology)

✮ content warning - kissing, pet names, praise, fem!reader, sub!bill, dom!reader, oral (f receiving) very slight degrading, face sitting, bill gets hard 😞, begging

✮ a/n - man i need to start being normal

BILL’S POV:

God, it was finally over. This long, gruelling, overwhelming tour was finally over. It was only a few months, but being away from Y/N felt like a genuine eternity. It was so hard to go even a single night without missing her, needing her arms around me and her soft voice whispering sweet nothings in my ear. But now I can finally see her again after all that time spent “bringing the mood down” as Tom would say. It’s not my fault he can’t hold a relationship for more than one night.

I wasted absolutely no time in driving straight to Y/N’s house. I didn’t even bother to unpack at my own home. I had my priorities set, and she was at the top of my list right now. I stepped up to her door and knocked loudly. I glance nervously at my phone; 2:40 am. “I hope I’m not waking her up…” I think to myself. I had left her a text letting her know I was home and on my way, but it looks like she didn’t see it. To be fair, it was at 1 am.

2ND PERSON POV:

As he patiently waited for your response, your head slowly rose up as you heard knocking. You sit confused for a moment, who would be here at such an hour… then it hit you. Could it be? Your boyfriend is finally home??? You immediately jump out of bed, not bothering to even get dressed, and raced down to the front door to greet the love you had oh so missed.

The door swings open so fast you were scared you’d break its hinges. Both of your faces light up as your eyes lock.

“BILLY!! YOU’RE HOME!!”

“Oh, schatz, I’ve missed you so much!” Bill sighs. His arms wrap around your waist as he pulls you into a deep kiss. Your hands snake around the back of his neck as you stand up on your tip toes to reach the tall boy. The kiss feels like it lasts forever, you’re both lost in your own fantasies having not seen each other for months.

You finally pull away for air, panting ever so quietly. Not just out of shortness of breath, but excitement and anticipation. “Are you gonna stay the night, Bill?” You ask.

“Well I may as well.” He replies, gesturing to a clock on your wall.

“Well, I’m gonna go back to bed, so feel free to join me whenever you’re ready.” You give him a warm smile, and a final kiss on the cheek before returning upstairs to your room. Bill, eager to join you, dumped his luggage and quickly retrieved a comfy t-shirt and some shorts to sleep in.

As he opened the door to you room, he noticed you were already lying in bed, but you were still very much awake. “What’s wrong, baby?” He asked.

“Nothing, I’m just… so happy to see you again, my heart is buzzing!”

Bill climbed into bed and lied next to you, his eyes never leaving yours. “Trust me I’m just as excited as you, it feels like it’s been forever, no?”

“I know right…”

As you turn over to your side, you feel that familiar warm sense of safety wrap around you. As bill held you, you felt truly happy again.

But bill couldn’t help himself but be all over you. Your natural scent, the feeling of your warm skin against his, the smell of your freshly washed hair, so many overwhelming thoughts of all the things he wished you could do to him while he was away, it was all too much for the poor baby… as he and you lay together in silence, you were interrupted from your almost sleep with the feeling of something poking you.

“Bill, that better be your hand.” You say bluntly, rolling your eyes.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, liebe, I didn’t mean to… I just missed you so much and-“

You cut him off by turning around to face him, your expression dangerous. “And…?” You wait for him to finish.

“And I need you… badly…”

“Hmm, what do good boys say to get what they want?”

“Please… Y/N please it’s been months, I haven’t been able to get off properly since that call and it’s driving me insane…” God, his begging was like music to your ears. You could listen to him whine and plea for you all night, and still not give him what he wants.

“I don’t know if you deserve it yet, baby.” You sigh a sigh of fake disapproval as you threaten to turn your back to him, to which he immediately turns you back around.

“Yes, baby I do.. I’ll prove it to you..”

“And how would you do that, sweet boy?”

He hesitated for a moment. A little bit of stunned silence, because he thought you would just give in, so now he had to think of something quickly. “Sit on my face.” He finally said.

You cocked your head to the side and raised an eyebrow. “Oh? That’s what my baby wants?”

“Only if you want, I want to please YOU.”

You consider his offer momentarily before getting up to straddle his waist. You were already just in a shirt and panties, so you slowly slide them off, never taking your eyes off the desperate mess underneath you.

“Better be good for me, Billy, or you won’t be getting shit tonight, you understand?” You ask strictly. He nods rapidly in a desperate attempt to hurry things up so he could just taste you finally. Satisfied with his response, you hover yourself over him until you finally lower down onto his mouth.

His lips immediately wrap around your clit as he begins to kitten lick it. His hands find their way into the sides of your waist as he firmly holds you still, nearly digging his nails into your soft flesh in the process. A soft moan escapes your lips as you grind your hips onto his tongue. “Fuck… Bill…”

“I missed your taste so much…” Bill’s muffled voice groans from underneath you as he drags his tongue down from your clit to your entrance. Without hesitation he pushes his tongue as deeply as he can inside you, savouring every second your taste as much as possible.

Your moans only get louder as you feel his tongue brush against your g-spot. You hastily grab a fistful of your boyfriends spiky (though now quite flat) hair and tug on it, causing him to whimper in pain. You hear a soft “fuck!” from under you and you chuckle. “Did somebody like that? You.. little slut..” You say. After hearing nothing but cute little whines from Bill, you loosen your grip on his hair and clench your bed sheets instead.

Bills tongue was now delving in and out of you at quickly, he wasted no time and wanted to make you cum as quickly and as hard as he could. “You’re… doing so well for me, Billy… ah fuck!” Your mouth hung open, moans escaping it at every sensation. Bill moved one hand from your waist and started to tease your clit again with his thumb, slowly circling it and a teasingly slow pace. You almost found yourself begging him to speed up, but you restrained yourself. You felt your stomach begin to ache as your muscles tensed up, your release imminent. You stuttered out moans and broken sentences, letting Bill know how close you were. And under his muffled breath you could make out his accent whispering “Cmon, cum for me, baby.” You throw back your head in pure ecstasy as your orgasm came crashing over you. Bill held you as still as he could, licking up everything he could. With a final few moans, you slowly lift off your boyfriend’s face to see the mess you made of him, and for him to see the mess he made of you.

“That good?” His innocent smile beamed, full of pride.

“You tell me, seems like you enjoyed just as as much as I did.”

RAHHHHHHH IDK IF I LIKE OR HATE THIS BUT WHATEVER, I GOT SOMETHING OUT AND THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. thank you so much the request, AND all the support i got for my first fic, it means so much to me as a burnt out writer that people actually still like my writing :)) ILY GUYSSSS

[conchcronch]

Sword Swallower - Part 2

LA!BuggyxYou

You're left feeling confused, heartbroken, and needy but before you can go to port to 'blow off some steam' there's something nagging at you. And that something hasn't spoken to you since kissing you in front of the whole crew.

NSFW under cut.

Spotify Playlist for the Vibes

You hadn’t seen Buggy in almost two days. After he had left the party you had drunk everything in sight. Leading to a very hefty hangover the following day. Thankfully for you, and most of the other crew, Buggy had deemed the day at sea as a rest day, something that he did as an unspoken praise to the crew for a raid well done. You had spent about 90% of that rest day heaving over the side of the ship, unable to keep any food down.

Thankfully that was a few days ago and today you were feeling better, still only able to keep small things down and even the smell of beer caused you to gag. You had spent the better half of the day preparing the ship to be docked at a pirate island to restock and gather information, also giving the crew some time on land to blow off steam as they put it.

You had been feeling antsy since that kiss, taking any opportunity to try to satiate your sexual urges yourself. But by the third underwhelming orgasm in the shower you realized you were probably going to have to join the crew at port and find someone who can help you out.

You threw on a pair of plain black underwear, with a matching bralette, something easy to take off and throw back on to avoid that awkward post sex dynamic. On top of that you pulled on a long black flowy skirt and a black and white striped tank top, carrying your boots with you as you headed out to the deck. The sun was just beginning to dip, and the air was cooler than you expected. Just as you were about to climb the ladder to the dock you threw a look over your shoulder and noticed a light coming from the captain’s quarters.

Something tugged at you, telling you you should at least go tell him you’re popping out for a bit. Even though he had been held up there since the party, not even coming out for meals and specifically requesting Cabaji bring him food. You drop your boots on the deck and pad to his door, knocking and half expecting him not to answer.

To your surprise, the door is pulled open by a detached hand, retracting back to the wrist of its owner without so much as a glance in your direction. You step inside his office, closing the door with your foot and taking him in. You missed him, you weren’t going to tell him that but the sight of him felt the same as seeing land for the first time after weeks on the sea. His jacket and hat were thrown on a chair in the corner of the room leaving him in his striped vest, gloves and his hair was tied up in a loose, low bun.

You catch him glance up at you through his lashes before turning his focus back to the map he has covering his desk, a compass and a sexton sitting within reach. The silence stretches around you, making you fidget in the doorway. You walk towards him, leaning over the map to try and see the cluster of islands he’s got his eyes locked on. “Can you move those, they’re blocking my map,” He makes a swiping motion at your chest that had spilled a touch and was blocking a few of the islands he was looking at. You laugh, standing up so you’re not blocking anything.

“I’ve barely seen you lately. '' You say, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Someone has to get shit done on this ship.” He doesn’t look up at you.

“Nope, I’m not buying that,” You shake your head even though he’s not looking at you.

“Don’t care if you do or not.”

“Something’s got you acting weird.”

“Maybe it’s the fact I can’t get any peace and quiet ‘round here, ever think of that?”

“I don’t think that’s it,” You walk around the desk, wanting to get close to him, hoping you can read his vibe.

“I think I know what it is,” You stare at him, studying his every move. The way his gaze flicks from the compass to the cluster of islands, how his gloved finger tries to map a path from where you are to where you’re going, the way his biceps tense and relax as he shifts his weight.

“Don’t care.”

“We never talked about the other night.” If you hadn’t been watching him so intently you would have missed it. The way his whole body freezes for half a second before shifting his weight onto his hands that are planted firmly on the desk, his fingers digging into the wood just a bit more than before. You can see his painted jaw tighten and untighten, something you know he does when he’s thinking harder than normal.

“Didn’t think you’d want to, or that you’d even remember.” His words are cold, you’d only ever heard this tone when he brings up Shanks.

“Why wouldn’t I want to?”

“Dunno.’” He shrugs, eyes practically boring a hole through the map. “Didn’t want it to change things.” For a moment you let the words hang there. Let them solidify between the two of you. You nod, taking the statement in, accepting it. You wouldn’t risk your friendship over anything. You had been traveling together for years, bickering at each other like an old married couple but never crossing the unspoken line. Always returning to your own beds after nights of deep conversations when no one else was around, kisses only ever lasting a second and exclusively on noses, hands and cheeks. Anything more would be too intimate. Sure you thought he was handsome, he was practically oozing charisma. But you never let that thought linger, worried you would allow your attraction to evolve into something more. You’d be lying if you hadn’t thought about how much easier it would be if you could just come to him rather than having to find someone at a port when your fingers are no longer enough to satisfy you. But you weren’t going to cross that line…you weren’t…

You force a smile, sling an arm around his neck and pull him close as you look down at his map. You feel him relax into your embrace, pulling the compass closer to him before he gives you a side glance. “Your big head is blocking my light,” His tone’s lighter than before.

“You’re very boring, you know, I came to you for entertainment and this is all I get?”

“You have an uncanny ability to bother me whenever I’m trying to do something.” You let your arm slip from his shoulder and you step around to the side of the desk so you can watch him,

“Come on, can’t this wait?” You pop up onto the edge of his desk, kicking your feet.

“Go bother someone else.” You grab your chest, wheezing out a gasp,

“Oh captain,” before laying back across the whole map, “you wound me so! I could be out on the town but instead I chose to come and spend my day with my very favourite clown on the high seas!” You grin up at him, seeing the corner of his lip upturned,

“We both know your ego is too big to be hurt by that,” He smiles with an eye roll. “But unless you want to stay at this port forever, I gotta figure out where we’re going next.” You gracefully roll off the desk, landing on the balls of your feet before shrugging at him,

“Guess I’ll just go to port early,” You say, smoothing down your skirt before turning and reaching for the door knob. You heard him scoff, almost as though he didn’t actually expect you to leave.

“You never go to port.”

“I go sometimes,” You say, looking over your shoulder at him.

“Not without me,” He’s looking up at you, still bent over his desk, a piece of hair dangling in front of his face.

“I just got something I gotta’ do,” You look away from him, knowing if you held his gaze much longer he’d know you were up to something. That was the only downside to being so close to him for so many years, he could read you like a book.

“Like?” You stay silent, hoping he’ll grow bored of this conversation and wave you off to go find someone in a tavern who can at least make you cum. “Oh hoho!” He almost giggled “Now I have to know!” You turn to face him, refusing to meet his gaze, opting to look everywhere else but him. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this,” He brings a hand to his chin, his eyes scanning you up and down. “Should I just start guessing?” You shift your weight from side to side, your skin feeling weirdly tight all of a sudden. You know your cheeks are burning and the longer you go without looking at him the guiltier you look.

“C’mon, don’t make me say it.” You finally meet his gaze through your eyelashes and watch the realization hit him.

“Oh…OOOOOOHHHHH!” His cheeks rouge and he looks away from you, rubbing his hand across his face. “Didn’t realize you…did that…” You can even see the tips of his ears are red.

“Have sex? Ya Buggy, most adults do. Only so long I can avoid it before it gets distracting.” You turn around, deciding this is more than enough embarrassment to last you a lifetime, you grab the knob and just before you can pull it over you hear him speak, his voice softer, more delicate.

“You know, I can always…” He trails off, probably hoping you can fill in the words he doesn’t want to say. You let go of the knob and turn back around to see him staring holes into his desk, his hands in tight fists on the map.

“Always… what?” You walk closer to him until you're across the desk from him. You bend down, trying to catch his eye line but he purposely avoids it by looking down at the forgotten compass. When he doesn’t look up at you or make any signs that he’s planning on finishing that sentence you reach out, tucking that piece of hair behind his ear, racking your nails behind his ear, the tips of your finger grazing his pierced lobe. You watched as a shiver passed through him before he was able to hide it.

“Forget I said anything.” He sighs heavily, “Go off and find some crab addled sailor.” He waves his hand at you, trying to shoo you away, “Have fun.” He’s trying to resume his jovial tone but you can hear it crack, which churns your stomach.

“What if I don’t want to forget what you said?” You snatch the compass just as he goes to pick it up and resume his charting.

“God, you’re a pain in the ass!” He finally looks and you smile at him.

“That may be, but you didn’t answer my question.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He says calmly, sitting in his neglected desk chair. “You’re probably still hung over from the other night.” He pulls open one of the desk drawers and starts digging around in it, probably looking for a backup compass since you still have his in your hand.

“Come on Buggy,” you walk around his desk, grabbing the back of his chair and jerking it to face you, you lean it close to him, your forehead almost touching his. “I just want to hear you say it.”

“Are you just trying to make me look like a fool?” He accuses, browns knit together and a hard frown on his lips.

“Bugs, I’m being serious,” You reach out and touch that piece of hair behind his ear, “I just want to hear you say it.” His head drops so he’s looking down at his lap, your hand on his shoulder.

“If you wanted, I could…we could always…ha…have sex…just to avoid outside people, no strings just fun,” He roughly rubs the back of his neck, surely leaving red irritated skin.

“That’s quite the proposition, Captain.” You lean forward, pulling his chin up with a finger, smiling at him for a second before closing the space between your lips and his.

You had exchanged small pecks over the years in times of stress or drunken excitement, but never before had your lips slotted together in such a perfect way. His hands immediately found your hips as his mouth opens with a small moan, your tongue sliding along his. You can feel him very gently lead you forward, slowly inviting you to straddle his lap. Your knees fitting perfectly on either side of his thighs as your fingers tangle themselves in the hair at his neck. His hands move from your hips to your long skirt that’s constraining your thighs, pushing it up just high enough you can move freely without the chiffon digging into your thighs. His hands drag out from your thighs to the bottom of your tank top, pulling it up over your head, your lips parting for just long enough to get the shirt over your head and tossed somewhere else in the office. He pulls his lips away from yours, a small whimper leaving your lips before you can stop it.

“Damn,” He breathes out, barely loud enough for you to catch it as he looks at you. You were only wearing that simple bralette that did your chest very few favours. The longer he stares the more you want to make excuses about your choice in underwear, you bring your arms up to cover yourself.

“If I had known it was going to be you seeing me, I would have worn something nicer,” His hands come up to your arms, gently pushing them away.

Without realizing it, you relax your thighs that were growing a bit sore from holding yourself up in such an awkward position. Your full weight falling on his lap, feeling his bulge right against your wet core, only a few layers of fabric were separating you. His head leaned back a bit and a breathy moan fell from his open mouth. When he is composed enough to look back at you – his eyes lidded and full of lust – you reach behind you, unclasping your bra and letting it slip off your arms and onto the ground next to you.

“Holy shit,” He breathes, eyes glued to the small silver barbells that accent each of your nipples, catching the light in such a way that he swears they sparkle.

“Don’t start, I was 18 and felt rebellious,” You try to stop the jokes before they start but they never come. For once in all the years of knowing Buggy, the Flashy Fool, the Genius Jester, he was at a loss for words.

“Stop staring.” You’re suddenly very aware of your lack of clothes in comparison to him.

He blinks a few times, before pulling his gloves off and dropping them on the ground. You furrow your brow, trying to think if you’ve ever seen him without his token white gloves. Without much thought you grab his bare hand as he’s pulling his second glove off, looking at his black painted nails and feeling his calloused hands. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without your gloves on,” After allowing you to inspect every part of his hand he reaches forward and cups your cheek, you allow yourself to push your face into his touch, looking up at him to see a gentle smile on his lips. You were both thinking the same thing, how nice it was to finally cross that line. He draws you in, kissing you softly, his hand moving to the back of your head to tangle his fingers in your mused hair. You break apart but just enough that he can speak, “Wanna’ move to my bed?” You nod but back peddle as you remember something.

“Do you mind if I shower first?” He nods, smiling that familiar smile.

“You’re telling me, you were going out planning to get laid and you didn’t shower? That’s gross, doll.” He helps you get up before adjusting himself so his aching erection isn’t quite as apparent, but it’s still very apparent. He stands up, looking you up and down before starting to roll the long forgotten map on his desk.

“I did shower, thank you very much! But it’s different when I’m with someone I actually care about.” You see him pause for a second before continuing to roll the map up and slip it into its bronze tube.

“Aw, I’m flattered,” He puts the tube into a locked chest next to his desk, your eyes trained on his every movement. “You can use my bathroom, if you want?” He says, going about cleaning his office as you stand there leaning against his desk, still topless.

“Now I’m the one who’s flattered. You don’t let anyone use that, I don’t think I’ve even seen it in all my years here.”

“Better get used to it ‘cuz you’re not using the crew shower anymore,” He says, seemingly pleased with his office and turning to you.

“What?” He clears the space between the two of you in a few steps before he pulls you close to him, his hands sliding up your sides, his thumbs grazing your nipples making you all but whine wishing he would give you more.

“I don’t want anyone else to see you like this,” He puts two fingers on either side of one of your barbells and tugs, forcing a breathy moan from your lips before you could stop it. His eyes meet yours and you can tell that for once he’s being serious. All you can do is nod, loving the way he’s seemingly possessive of you now.

He ducks his head just low enough to make you think he’s going in for a kiss but just as your eyes flutter closed his lips graze your’s before pulling away, an embarrassing whine leaving your throat. Your eyes open to see him smirking, which only widens when you grab the front of his vest and yank him down, hoping he’d get the message. But he expertly dodged your lips aiming for your neck instead, his lips latching onto your exposed skin, surely leaving a trail of hickies and red grease paint. You couldn’t stop the moan as he nipped at the crook of your neck, his hands sliding down to grope the meat of your ass. As his lips and tongue glide along your neck and his hands explore your bare skin you find yourself melting into his grasp, barely able to think clearly enough to string words into coherent sentences. “B-Buggs,” He hums into your skin, you can feel how hard he is against you. You crave him in a way you’ve never experienced. You don’t want him, you need him. You’ll take anything he offers and still beg for more.

“Don’t you want to go shower?” He asks smugly, lips never leaving your body.

“I do,” His arms fall away from you, no longer keeping you from leaving and yet you make no move to leave.

“Then go,” His lips drag up your neck, until they finally meet your own for a quick peck before pulling back just enough that you lean forward in search of them, your eyes meeting his sea green gaze.

“I-I don’t want to.” He smiles before wrapping his arms back around your waist, pulling you flush against him, his bulge pressing into your bare stomach, the heat radiating through his pants.

“Then don’t.” His words are simple and in that moment you know you’re caught. You lean forward enough to press your lips against his, feeling your lips become stained with his. A laugh barely leaves his throat as your hands greedily claw at his vest, trying to get any sort of contact as you nip at his lips until he parts them. In most circumstances you’d be embarrassed by the level of neediness in this kiss, but with Buggy you couldn’t care less. All you knew was that you had to have more of him.

It takes all your strength to pull away from his lips and push him back, hearing him groan a bit. But before he can complain more, you drop to your knees, guiding him to lean against the desk for extra support. You work his button and fly open, pulling his pants and boxers down just enough that you can fish out his cock. You had always avoided thinking about how big he could be, feeling like it was crossing a line and knowing that once you thought about it, it would plague your mind more than you were willing to admit to yourself. So you just avoided it.

But now that it was in front of you, you were forced to admit that you knew it was going to be big, but not like this. Buggy couldn’t help but smile as you wordlessly stared at his cock, and just as he was about to crack a joke it died in his throat as you licked a long strip along the underside from base to tip. You encircled the head in your mouth, sucking on it hard and smiling to yourself as you felt his hips jerk from the sudden overwhelming pleasure. You flick your gaze up to him to see his hands are on the desk, supporting himself, his head lolled back as you slowly take more of him into your mouth. Once you find your rhythm you bob your head, beginning to let your hands wander in hopes of getting him to be more vocal. Your hands slide up his covered thighs until they reach the warm bare skin of his lower stomach, slipping further under his vest then around to his lower back, dragging your nails along his skin. He isn’t even looking at you.

You pull off, gaining a whine from him but he still doesn’t look at you. “I want you to look at me, Bugs,” You say, dragging your mouth along the side of his shaft, sloppily licking as you go.

“Don’t wanna-’” You pull back completely, shrugging even though he’s not looking at you.

“Guess I’ll just stop then.” He whines out a no, jerking his hips forward a bit. He finally looks down at you and you can see his painted smile is smeared all over. “I don’t want you to take your eyes off of me.”

“I won’t last,” He drags a hand over his face, smudging his makeup even more.

“Then don’t.” You watch him huff out a sorry excuse of a laugh at you using his own comeback against him. His hand reaches forward, carding through your hair before grabbing a handful, pulling a moan from your lips.

You watch his erection jump in your grasp, your grip on the base tightening before licking a long and painfully slow strip along the underside, playfully flicking your tongue on the head, all the while staring at him. You see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows hard, his jaw clenching and unclenching when you repeat the action.

“Buggs,” You whine, stroking his member slowly as you lick the head of his cock, repeating yourself when he doesn’t look at you. “Buggs, please.” You had never acted like this for anyone before, you’re sure you’ll overanalyze it later but all you could think about in this moment was how badly you needed him. “I need you,” Breathing deeply through your nose you swallowed as much of him as you could, pausing about half way to inhale again before pushing yourself to take all of him. Your eyes squeeze shut for a moment, just long enough to force your focus away from gagging and back to him, opening your eyes again to finally meet his. This gave you the fuel you didn’t even know you needed. Pulling off of him, the head of his cock resting heavy on your tongue before you swallowed him again, nose nestled in his neat blue curls. You pulled back but not off, deep throating him again, your heart pounding as a deep groan blesses your ears.

Before you can even start to pull off of him again you feel his detached hand leave your hair. He drags the tips of his fingers along your bare back, running along your hip before ducking under you to touch your belly just before you feel the fabric of your skirt getting tugged around. You pull off his cock as both your hands grab his just as it was pulling your panties to the side.

“Why,” Is all he says, his cock twitching at the sight of you half naked and kneeling between his legs.

“I…” Your cheeks burn hotter than they had this entire exchange. “I haven’t shaved in a few days…” Your grip on his hand loosens enough that he can squirm out of your clasped hands and it flies up to pull your chin up and force you to meet his eyes.

“Is that why you wanted to wait?” His voice is almost breathless, his lips parting and you can just barely see his tongue dart out from between his teeth as you nod. “Seriously?”

“Normally all I’m looking for is just a fuck, and not a fuck with my captain!” He starts to laugh, tossing his head back and grabbing his stomach. You grab the hand from your chin and throw it at him, standing up.

“Don’t be a dick!” He grabs his hand, gently leading it to his wrist before dramatically wiping fake tears from the corner of his eyes.

“You’re just so cute.”

“Oh, fuck off.” You start looking around for your tank top, doing anything to avoid looking at him. Before you can peek around his desk you hear his chair scrap against the floor and feel both his hands grabbing your waist, he presses his body against your back, feeling his warm breath on your neck as he speaks.

“I couldn’t give a shit if you shaved or not,” He presses open mouth kisses from the crook of your neck to just behind your ear. You could hear just the faintest snicker when you lean into him more, allowing him to hold you up when your knees falter. He takes his chance, leading you into the chair he was just sitting in and crouching between your knees like you had been just a few minutes ago.

He pushes your skirt up to your waist, sucking in a breath when he finally gets a glimpse of your plain black panties. It takes a lot of his self restraint not to comment on how boring those are, but he knows one more joke could be the difference between sex and no sex so the the joke dies in his throat. He glances up at you, waiting for you to give him permission. “Fine.” You say, looking away from him but scooting your butt forward on the chair to make it easier for him.

He runs his thumb over the fabric, humming as he feels the dampness against his skin. “God, I can’t wait to hear you moan my name,” He says, surprisingly without a shit eating grin. He applies just enough pressure on your covered clit for you to whine, bucking your hips up wordlessly trying to tell him to hurry up. With both hands he slowly pulls your panties off, tossing them over his shoulder before leaning forward, his nose nudging your clit in the perfect way, earning him a breathy moan from you already. “You’re so wet,” You can feel his breath on your core, and before you can say anything he licks a long strip along you, flicking the tip of his tongue against your clit before watching as he slips his middle finger into you, his other hand grabbing your leg and guiding it over his shoulder allowing him to get closer.

Almost on instinct you tangle your fingers in his long hair, not moving him but silently encouraging him. He begins to obscenely lick at you, moaning as he stretches you out with one finger, then two, then slowly three.

You had never really thought about what Buggy would be like in any sexual situation, but you definitely had never thought about how his nose would nudge your clit in the best possible way, or how easy his hair would be to grab or how perfectly he would fit between your legs while being held in place by your thighs. “Wouldn’t it-“ He pulls his mouth away, still roughly fucking you with his fingers while now smiling up at you, “wouldn’t it be so funny if I stopped?”

“If you stop,” You whined as he flicked your bundle of nerve endings with his long tongue as you spoke. “If you stop I swear to god I'll never swallow another sword on your stage ever again.” You ball his hair in one hand, shoving him back down where he immediately went to town on you, you could feel him say something against you but you were so crazily close you couldn’t give a shit about some joke about swallowing his sword he couldn’t resist saying.

The wave of climax crashes into you so hard you can’t even consider controlling your moan. Your thighs lock around his head, your fingers contract roughly pulling at his blue strands harshly as you moan out his name accompanied by a string of profanities. He slows his minstraction but doesn’t stop until your body goes limp against your control and your vision spots. You barely register him moving from between your legs while peppering the insides of your thighs as you come down.

“Fuck,” You huff out, he has his gaze trained on your every breath, his chin glistening and his makeup smudged. “This is already better than anyone I’ve found at any port.” You push your hand through your surly wild hair as you tuck your legs in front of you. He sits back on his ass on the floor, wiping his face on the back of his hand,

”Glad I could help.” He pushes himself up, adjusting himself in his pants as he leans back against his desk. “So,” He looks down at his boots as though they’re the most interesting thing he’s seen all day. Clearly trying to act nonchalant. “Did you still wanna’?” You were surprised he managed to ask that without a waggle of his brows.

“Of course I do,” You wrap your arms around your legs, bringing them against your bare chest as if you were attempting to have some decency but you could tell by the way his eyes scan your legs that there’s no point.

“Wanna’ head to my room then?” He starts looking around for his discarded vest, clearly not wanting to walk across the ship in only his tented pants.

“God, yes,” The words left you the way air leaves your lungs after holding your breath.

[thedeviltohisangel]

All The Things I Did (3): Don't Leave Me Alone

chronology: chapter 1 chapter 2 interlude 1 chapter 3 interlude 2

a/n: well well well. here i am again. not as sad as interlude 2 i promise. i put them in chronologic order up top for all the new fans of this fic. focusing on gale and cass this chapter. i've appreciated all the screams in my ask box (i will explain anything about spook x bucky i've got going on in my head whenever you want, shoot me a dm) and will work on more interludes this weekend. keep the prompts coming! good a good mix of current & post war bucky x spook. love you guys and enjoy this longer one in celly of the finale.

Of all the places for them to bump into each other, no one should have been surprised it was in the base library. It was small and quiet and didn’t have the nicest lighting. But it had plenty of books on plenty of topics and very few people ever frequented it. Normally, it was her place to unwind and seek solace. Breathe in the scent of the worn bindings and get lost for a few hours. Cass wasn’t sure if John even knew it existed so it only made sense that this is where Gale would find her first.

Gale Cleven had been in communication with John Egan since their first day of basic training. Had watch him fly and crash on occasion. Watched him flirt and dance and take girls home. Only a few times had watched him give a piece of his heart and never once had he watched it go anywhere. When he had sent him the unicorn to pass along as an apology to a bar owner in Greenland, John had written one line at the end that made him more confused than the figurine had. A little note at the bottom: P.S. I think I’ve found my girl. 

Gale hadn’t known then, wouldn’t know for awhile, that Bucky had only seen her across the airfield when he had written that. Hadn’t even spoken a word to her. Had taken one look at the way every man on that base stopped and parted for her. One look at the way she navigated herself around the airfield while never looking up from the paper in front of her. John Egan had been gone like a freight train.

“Excuse me, Lieutenant Cooper?” She was in an armchair in the back of the library, curled up as much as her uniform would allow, thumbing through a book on Prussian history with two others opened and balancing precariously on either side of her and a stack of yet-to-be-read books piled on the floor. “I don’t mean to intrude. I just thought I’d introduce myself. Gale Cleven, friends call me Buck.” 

“My friends call me Cass.” She shook his hand as firmly as she could, her right arm in a sling. “You know, John has a whole thing planned for us to meet. He’ll be heartbroken.” Him and Cass had spent the night on a blanket in the flowers, just like she had wanted upon her return. He told her all about his best friend Buck and that introducing her to him was almost like her meeting his sisters or mother. Joked that she needed Buck’s approval before he could take her on another date.

“We can work on our story. Let him still have his moment.” Cass smiled and motioned for Gale to take the chair next to her. She placed a notecard between the pages to keep her place before giving him her full attention. 

“I’m sorry your first impression of me was when I got off that plane yesterday. I promise I’m not always that dramatic.” Gale laughed. The swelling in her eye had gone down slightly and there was color back to her cheeks. Maybe a couple of new bruises on her neck but he assumed his friend was more likely the culprit of those than the secret police.

“I barely noticed over the commotion of Bucky.”

“I wasn’t expecting that,” she noted shyly. All of a sudden her fingernails were much easier to look at than Buck’s gaze.

“I’ve known Bucky, John, a long time. You’ve enraptured him, Lieutenant.” Gale hadn’t expected such a reaction either. Bucky had always been somewhat impulsive, sure, but always with a personal gain in mind. Win the bet. Win the girl. Win the game. But yesterday had been near primal. A base instinct to protect. To put himself in between her and those who would do her harm. It had come as natural as breathing.

“Your word choice is inspiring, Major Cleven.” Her eyes twinkled. She knew.

“Has he serenaded you yet? Then you’ll really be inspired.” 

“I don’t know if that is what I would call it. I haven’t worked my way to that level of affection yet.” He thought back to the desperation in John’s voice when he called Cass’ name yesterday. Thought back to the venom that replaced it when someone got in the way of him reaching her. 

“I’m sure it’s only a matter of time.” She ducked away from his gaze again.

“Don’t tell him I’m telling you this, but I’m pretty enraptured by him, too.” Gale reached over and squeezed her hand, locking the secret between them, and stood up to let her get back to her reading and to find the book he had come here looking for in the first place. “Cass? I’ve got a favor to ask. It’s kind of a big one.”

“Something wrong, Buck?” 

“No. Just something that’s been on my mind since he left.” He mulled over the words for a moment. “He’s got a big heart. Does a good job at hiding it. I’ve been doing my best to protect it since the day I met him but if something happens to me up there…”

“You don’t even need to ask, Gale.” She would be his armor. Protect John Egan the way her soul had told her she should from the second she laid eyes on him. Had recognized the purity within him and felt the need to protect it. Cassandra Ann Cooper had been gone for John Egan the moment he stepped foot in England.

Gale nodded in appreciation. “I’ll see you at dinner tonight.” He walked to a shelf out of her sightline and Cass sighed deeply. She had faced down some scary people. But that interaction had her stomach in more knots than any of them. She had met, and talked to, and hadn’t made a fool of herself in front of, Major Gale Cleven. Cass smiled. John was going to be so happy when he found out.

----

The man in question was having a bit of a devious streak. Decided he was going to be early to pick up Cass instead of simply on time. Decided, after five minutes of waiting, that it had been too long since he last kissed her. Mary rolled her eyes when he came strolling in, thinking better of it when she opened her mouth to ask what he was up to. 

“Mary, I swear if Major Egan is early, tell him I’m not ready.” He smiled as he heard Cass answer his knock.

“Too late, Spook. Let me in so I can see whatever potions you're brewing to look so goddamn beautiful.”

“Are you calling me a witch?” Her voice was closer this time. John pressed his palm to the door where he imagined hers was.

“I miss your face,” he provided simply.

“I have curlers in my hair.” Her mother had never let her father see her with her curlers in. Even after thirty or so years of marriage. Told Cass it took away the allure of femininity. 

“Good. I’ve been imagining what you might look like in my bed in the morning-” He almost fell through the door when she opened it, her fist around his tie and all confidence choking off in his throat. 

“No remarks like that in the hallway where anyone can hear you.” Cass sat back down at her vanity for the finishing touches of mascara and powder. 

“Afraid they won’t find you so spooky anymore?” There weren’t too many artifacts of her life for him to look at. Photos of what she presumed were her parents and her siblings. A pile of letters with a return address in South Carolina. A jewelry box on top of her dresser.

“I don’t mind the nickname. I never had one growing up.” John stopped to admire her in the mirror as she pulled the curlers from her hair. He swallowed. It did look like he imagined she would be waking up next to him. How she would be after spending the night letting him worship her.

“Hey, wait on that for a second.” Cass put the tube of lipstick down and looked at him with a question across her brow. “Don’t want to mess it up when I kiss you.” She smiled and crooked her finger to beckon him forward, standing on her vanity chair as he got closer.

“So handsome,” she sighed as she took the opportunity of her newfound height to really take him in. She knows he would disagree but Cass found something ethereally beautiful about John Egan. The slope of his nose and the angles of his cheeks. The soft hair on his upper lip that she had found such joy in kissing. 

“I’m glad you think so.” He started with just a quick peck, enjoying the look of annoyance on her face. 

“That’s not worth holding up my lipstick application for.” John took that as a challenge. He felt guilty for only a second as he tangled his fingers into the curls at the back of her head and held her steady. John was trying to be mindful of the healing cut on her lip but she was pushing herself closer and closer and he had no choice but to give her more and more. It wasn’t slow. It was a spark spinning itself into a fire. An ember catching fire on all the things around it. He was a man starved for her oasis. She was a girl all too eager to tantalize him in the desert. 

John slid his arms to wrap tightly around her waist, lifting her against his body and turning so her back was against the wall. Instinctually, she wrapped her legs around his waist and gasped into his mouth at the sensation. “Fuck, Cass.” 

“John, we have to slow down.” She was enjoying his lips that had moved to her throat all much. Was so flushed with desire for him that beads of sweat were collecting in her collarbone. Cass unwrapped her legs from around his waist and John smiled with pride when her knees buckled ever so slightly. 

“You’re right. Do this the right way. The slow way.” He straightened his tie and bent down when Cass reached up to fix his hair.

“Doesn’t have to be slow forever. Sir.” She knew exactly what she was doing when she said it. Relished in the way it made his eyes darken with lust again immediately. “We’re going to be late to dinner. And I already made a literally bloody first impression with Gale.” 

“Come to think of it,” he noted as she expertly coated the red pigment around her lips, “it might’ve been more fun to try and kiss it off of you, Lieutenant.” 

“There’s always later.” 

He watched her hips sway to the Jeep, held her hand while he drove and smiled so wide it hurt when she slid across the bench and kissed his cheek. It all felt so normal. Felt like he was back home taking a girl to a movie and milkshakes on a Friday night. Felt like being with her was exactly where he was meant to be.

“Before you ask, no, we are not going back to the pub tonight.”

“Oh?” she asked as they drove right past. “Our memories from the other night incapable of being topped?”

“Just thought we would meet him somewhere nicer. This little bistro up the way a little bit.” 

“John Egan, are you nervous?” 

“Maybe.” She laughed but snuggled into his side. 

“It’s very sweet that you love Gale so much.”

“Don’t tell him. I’ve got a reputation to uphold.” Cass thought back to her conversation with Gale in the library. About the mushy heart right behind the very ribcage her cheek was resting against. 

“You know, I’ve been told I’m good at keeping secrets.”

----

Gale watched from the window by the table as John’s Jeep pulled into view, smiling to himself as Cass held his friend’s and kissed him. Stayed close to whisper reassuring words and knock his nose against hers to seal the promise.

“Bucky you lucky son of a bitch,” he muttered. They held hands as they walked in and when she let go to shake Gale’s hand, firmer this time as the sling hadn’t gone with her dress, John had kept his hand on the small of her back. Looking back on it, Gale doesn’t think there was a moment the whole night they weren’t touching. 

“Cass, this is the best man I’ve ever met, Major Gale Cleven. But I call him Buck.”

“Gave everyone else no choice but to call me Buck, too.” John pulled her chair out for her and pushed it in, sitting straight as a rod in his own until her arm locked around his comfortably. He visibly relaxed and kissed her forehead when she offered it.

The conversation flowed smoothly, John none the wiser the two of them had already met. Buck had her giggled over stories of a younger Bucky, taking her back to their days when they were first learning to fly. She asked about Marge and John noticed the way her chin dropped into her hand and she watched Gale with adoration as he spoke about the woman he had loved since he was a child. And would love until the day they died. 

“She sounds absolutely lovely, Gale.” Cass reached across the table and squeezed his hand when his gaze turned melancholy for a moment. 

“If you’re crazy enough to see it through with this one,” his chin jutted towards John, “I’m sure you and Marge will be thick as thieves.”

“Hey! I’m not that bad of a guy,” he spoke around bites of his dinner.

“John, you’ve got a little…” Cass motioned to the corner of her mouth to signal a bit of sauce was lingering on his. Without even really thinking about it, she used the corner of her own cloth napkin to dab away the offense. 

“Better?”

“Perfect.” Gale could lose his stomach with the sweetness. “Gentlemen, if you’ll excuse me to the powder room.” John stood as she left, watching her with a dazed smile on his face until Buck coughed.

“She’s something, Bucky. A real class act. Whip smart. Has you wrapped around her finger many times over.” John hummed around his sip of whiskey. 

“I’ll keep wrapping myself around it as long as she’ll have me.”

“Yeah? I should tell you she’s too good for you.” 

“You’d be right. I don’t deserve someone like her.” He swirled his glass pensively. “You know I love you and I love Marge and I love the little world you two build whenever you're together. I’ve always wanted that but kept getting in my own way. Chasing the immediate instead of being patient. Cass and I, it’s going fast because of this fucked world we live in. And I’m not getting in my own way because I’ve found a girl who won’t let me.”

“Watching you two, I think it’s real, John.”

“I think it is too,” he swallowed the lump in his throat. “We’ve got to make it through this thing, Buck. I came here with nothing to lose but now I’ve got something I couldn’t stand to.” There was something desperate in his eyes. The same look Gale had seen yesterday when he was fighting the officer to reach Cass. 

“Feels nice to have someone to live for, doesn’t it?” he teased.

“Nice, scary, like I’m being mauled by Meatball.” They both laughed in spite of the truth. “You think she’s smitten with me?” Gale rolled his eyes.

“I do.” Bucky nodded.

“Good.” Cause he thinks he might love her. 

“Sorry for the prolonged departure.” She came back with a  smile, John standing and kissing her gently. “Major, I just reapplied that.”

“Couldn’t help myself.” Didn’t want to. 

He watched her and Gale banter back and forth the rest of the night with a smile on his face. Cass was the first girl he was introducing to his best friend, wished it was under better circumstances. Wished he had met her somewhere the threat of not making it to tomorrow didn’t exist. That he could court her properly and take her to the drive in and canoeing on the lake by his parents house and listen to a ballgame on the radio in the summer. Wished he had the courage to tell her and Buck that he was scared of losing them both. That he had been up there once and would back up a hundred times more if it meant they could live in a safer world. 

And one day, after all three of them had done their part to end this war, John will mention this dinner at Buck’s wedding. And Buck will mention it when John asks him to be their child’s Godfather. But they didn’t know what they would have to go through to get there. That John’s fear of losing them both will come true. And that he would almost lose himself in the process of getting them back.

[wellgoslowly]

Lockwood and Co. How do I begin to talk about this insane universe that has literally changed my life in so many ways in such a small amount of time?

I think it was probably January 27th that I actually got the notification for the trailer for the show from Netflix’s Youtube. I don’t know exactly what it was that made me interested in the trailer in the first place and set it apart from the hundreds of trailers that netflix has posted that I’ve ignored, but there was just something about it that made me think “oh, this looks interesting, let me take a look at the trailer.” Thank god I did.

If I were to go back in time to that version of linnie and tell them that their life was about to be changed, I think they would’ve laughed. At that period of time I’d had a 2 year long hyperfixation on the grishaverse and I couldn’t think of anything that would’ve possibly broken me out of that long ass period of chaos. And then I watched Lockwood and Co and I immediately fell in love with an entirely new world.

Lockwood and co means so much to me for so many reasons. One of them is that I’ve never seen myself more reflected in a character than I see myself in Lucy Carlyle- hence the name Linnie. I didn’t even realize it until Aaron ( @queer-and-nerdy ) pointed it out (after I pointed out how much of a George kinnie they are) and then everything made sense in a way? Like Lucy Carlyle is the truest form of a comfort character for me because we are basically the same person and I never realized how special a character could be until I met Lucy Joan Carlyle.

Another reason why I love this universe so much is because I love found family, and I love the found family that Jonathan Stroud has written. The Iron Trio will always be so special to me because of how often it is shown and how deeply it is known that they love each other unconditionally, Even George and Lucy, who have their differences when they first meet, grow to love each other in their own way and I genuinely believe that the family found within the Iron Trio is one of the most beautiful relationships I’ve ever read or seen portrayed on screen.

I also just truly love the worldbuilding. The world that Jonathan Stroud has created has such an amazing homely feel to it that I will never tire of. I love literally everything about it- the lore, the execution, the way that he was able to make ghosts even more terrifying for such a young audience.

Lastly, I love the fandom. I’ve talked a little bit about how much a kind and welcoming fan space like the l&co tumblr means to me and how I have had rocky situations in a fandom in the past, but I truly cannot even begin to talk about how much this online space has truly changed me in so many ways. I feel like I can have open, honest, and constructive opinions on here without being scared to speak my mind or fear the repercussions of not being 100% happy all the time. This fandom is the most accepting and loving fandom I have ever known, and I’d like to tag a few of the people who have made this place so loving and enjoyable to partake in. Shout out to @ikeasupremacy @oblivious-idiot @losticaruss @youmanynotrestnow @neewtmas @thisgameissonintendo @readyafterthesunrise @waitingforthesunrise @yveni @uku-lelevillain @impossibleclair @donutcats @jesslockwood @kazbrekkerfast @krash-and-co @carlyleandco @biscuitrule @maraschinomerry @lockwood-lover @lvockwoods @givemea-dam-break @someonetooksendnoodles @nomolosk @thedonutdeliverygirl @neverendinglabyrinth @tangledinlove - I defo missed a lot of people but these are just the few that I could remember right off the top of my head <33

All in all, I love this show and these books and this world more than I could ever possibly express. Happy 10th Birthday to The Screaming Staircase, and a very Happy Lockwood & Co Day to all whom I have the honor of celebrating with. I love you all very dearly, and remember: “just reckless enough”.

xoxo,

linnie <3

[pbjelly90]

I’m rewatching/rereading or checking out for the first time a lot of Sherlock media lately and after seeing the teaser for Knives Out 3, it’s got me thinking about fictional detective characters. I haven’t thought this through completely, but I was trying to decide how I’d rank my favorites throughout various mystery and crime media.

Of course I’m also happy to hear anyone else’s plugs for their favorites I’ve overlooked or not seen before too, so share if you’ve got ‘em and you happen to see this! Would love to see more female led detective stories and queer detective stories.

I’m thinking off the top of my head that my top 15 or so list goes something like this (might end up making this a top 20 or more as I keep adding to it lol) -

1. Sherlock Holmes - This is pretty obvious given the very few things I’ve posted about and my reblogs. The detective that truly got me into mystery stories about 20 years ago. I started reading a collection of the original stories I came across at a Borders bookstore and got hooked from there. I think Watson is what really sold me on Holmes, he humanizes him, givens him more of an emotional anchor. I also have always appreciated how flawed he is. Some genius characters are over the top, but he’s always had some genuine struggles like his drug use. And in the books he even admits Mycroft is better than him at deduction, just lazier with the legwork. My current favorite incarnations may be the original from the books and the Yuumori version, but credit due to the BBC version because I was obsessed the first two seasons in. I love that he’s in the public domain so we can get so many creative takes on him and his world and stories. I’ve been to the Holmes museum at 221 B Baker Street in London (an address they made just for the museum) and seen the statue of him honoring Sir Arthur Conan Doyle in Edinburgh. One of my top favorite fictional characters of all time. If you mention he’s in something, chances are, I’m gonna read/watch it.

2. Harry Dresden - Should probably be no surprise that as a fantasy and mystery fan, I’m a big fan of novels that started off as private detective stories with a wizard on the case. The series gets away from its detective roots later on in favor of bigger plots, but I always enjoyed seeing Harry mix workmanlike detective methods with practical magic. He’s no genius, but he’s clever and willing to mix it up sometimes to see what shakes out. I’d like to think Marcone is the closest thing to his version of a Moriarty, his criminal counterpart. There’s a grudging respect of sorts there even if they dislike the other’s methods. I love Harry and his stories so much I went to Chicago years back just to geek out at some spots from the books (and see Sue!) so he definitely deserves a spot on this list.

3. Ron Kamonohashi - This is a very close race between him and Benoit Blanc, but Ron wins out. He’s got a Watson like character with Toto, which I always appreciate (let Benoit’s hubby come along sometime?) and he’s very Sherlock coded with his little quirks (black sugar syrup is his drug lol) and dependence on mysteries for mental stimulation. Also his dynamic with the police. I enjoy his relationship with Blue and the characters from the academy very much. And I’m very curious to see how the Moriarty connection plays out. He’s just such a silly and I wish the manga was out in physical form in English, I love him and he’s my blorbo. He feels like Sherlock from an Ace Attorney game even more than Herlock Sholmes from The Great Ace Attorney did. This anime feels very much made for me like Yuumori feels. Also his cat is adorable. 💕

4. Benoit Blanc - I enjoy him so dang much. I’d love to see a book adaptation of Knives Out but I wonder how much of how charm is how well Daniel Craig plays him and how much fun you can tell he’s having. Love his relationship with his hubby, his accent, his dress sense, and how he just stumbles into these intricate mysteries with crazy rich folks (and helps support the women who’ve been wronged by them so they can take matters into their own hands to set things right.) I’m delighted they’re continuing to make these movies. I’d take a graphic novel too if not traditional books.

5. Shawn Spencer - Had to bump everyone down this list, how could I forget about Shawn from Psych? He’s definitely more on the strong personality end for detectives, quirky, more interested in romance, and much more extroverted than many examples. I love his friendship with Gus and also his relationship with his father always gave him more depth. Seeing how his father trained him up from a young age, sometimes at great personal cost between them, was an interesting spin on how a genius detective gained their special skills. Also the show is just so dang fun and silly. As a person, I’d probably find Shawn a bit annoying IRL, but I greatly enjoy his misadventures with Gus to rein him in. Lassie is totally his Lestrade. And Shawn’s last name is a Robert B Parker reference to Spenser, isn’t it?

6. Sam Vimes (and the rest of the Watch) - Vimes only doesn’t score higher here because somehow he feels like more of a cop or protector than detective? His emphasis has never been completely about just unraveling mysteries but more focused on defending Ankh Morpork, especially the common people, and delivering justice. Jingo, Night Watch and Thud are three of my all time favorite books of his, with Night Watch as one of my favorite books of all time. Feet of Clay is probably his main detective turn in my memory, as the later books see him have to take on more of a diplomatic role with different responsibilities. Angua and Cheery get a shoutout here as also being highly competent members of the Watch. Carrot has his moments too. Vimes and the rest of the Watch are notable on this list as the some of the very few ranked who are part of actual law enforcement and not some sort of private consulting detective. The Discworld books and the Watch books in particular were formative reading for me back in my teenage years and further cemented my interest in crime stories (and caring curmudgeon characters like Vimes.) Hugh Laurie would play a great Vimes.

7. Amy Santiago & Rosa Diaz (Brooklyn 99 Squad) - The only other official members of law enforcement on this list so far. Jake gets most of the focus and cases, and similar to Shawn Spencer, I enjoy him as a character even if he’d probably be annoying IRL. Love Terry and Holt as the two leaders and mentors of the squad. But my biggest shoutout here is to Amy and Rosa, I would adore a spinoff with them as the Sleuth Sisters solving cases together. Two skilled, nuanced Latina detectives with their own distinctive, non-stereotypical personalities and an awesome friendship? Yes please. They’re what carries this squad way up the list, even if the cases in this show aren’t usually as complex as some of the others, with the focus more on comedy.

8. Hercule Poirot - Been years since I last read the novels, but I’ve always enjoyed him as a little fussy looking Belgian fellow that folks underestimate. He’s got a different approach from Holmes. He likes a dramatic ending reveal. He always seems like he knows a joke others don’t, has a twinkle in his eye. I devoured a lot of the Agatha Christie stories back in the day, and Poirot’s personality maybe isn’t as strong on the page as Holmes, but I feel that’s more to give the reader a chance to feel like they’re the detective figuring it out alongside him. It’s almost like reading along with a silent protagonist at times in a video game. Part of this is due to the fact that Poirot novels never have one consistent narrator, which allows Christie to do some creative things with the narrator and have them take different roles in the story, but it also means we never really have a POV character who understands and describes Poirot on the same level as Watson does for Holmes (at least not that I remember? Apparently Arthur Hastings is in 7 novels at least but I guess he did not make as much of an impression on me. He appears to be more prominent in the David Suchet TV show.)

9. Conan Edogawa - I never finished Case Closed / Detective Conan because it’s crazy long, but it’s a very nostalgic show for me and I very much enjoyed the many episodes I watched back in the day. Conan is a genius, probably to an over the top degree, but his difficulties in working around being stuck as a kid helped add some stakes and obstacles in his stories and felt very relatable as a younger person interested in mysteries growing up. I wonder if they’d ever consider doing a reboot series someday with much fewer episodes, so we’d get a conclusion without needing to watch over 1,000 episodes.

10. Enola Holmes - A little Mary Sueish and teenage wish fulfillmenty, but dangit she’s fun. Essentially a younger teenaged Sherlock with a touch more people skills? Fighting back against the misogyny of her time period. I have a feeling if she came out back when I was a teen and first reading Holmes, I’d be obsessed. I’m curious to check out her books, I don’t mind if they’re more YA oriented if the mysteries are solid.

11. Ranpo Edogawa (and the whole armed detective agency from BSD) - I love and enjoy Ranpo and he very much has spoiled little brat energy. Fukuzawa as his dad figure brings me much joy. However, I also find him and most characters from Bungo to be over the top geniuses, to the point where they no longer feel very grounded as human. Sherlock often feels still believable to me, that someone could specialize to his degree and be that effective, but the BSD characters have always felt supernaturally competent. But with that aside, they’re also often very fun. Given that Ranpo doesn’t have any other superpowers, unlike other geniuses like Dazai or Fyodor, I can allow “ultra deduction” to be his. But Atsushi and Kunkida feel way more grounded and they’re the heart of this group. Love Yosano and Kenji too. Fukuzawa is my favorite but does little detective work usually, leaving that up to the team. I would have enjoyed seeing Aya and Bram be a detective team within the ADA. 😢

12. Nancy Drew - I read these so long ago but these books definitely contributed to my interest in detective stories growing up. I don’t remember many distinctive traits of Nancy now, but I have to give her credit for nostalgia and sparking my interest in mysteries back then. Has there been a modern day update of these?

13. Spenser - Got into these novels by Robert B. Parker at some point back in my twenties, as they were always mentioned in early blurbs for The Dresden Files as a point of comparison, Spenser crossed with Merlin. Very pulpy detective stories, a lot like the Maltese Falcon. Not the most feminist, got plenty of film noir type tropes, but the mysteries were compelling. I can’t say Spenser was necessarily likable, but he had the workman like detective style you find in Dresden that I appreciated. Not a genius like Holmes, he truly had to stir things up sometimes, make a lot more mistakes, and in general do extra legwork. Wouldn’t mind seeing someone update him for modern day somehow.

14. Anita Blake - Does she count here? I’ve found a sad lack of female detectives, maybe that’s because I’ve largely read older stories in the genre? She, like Dresden, started off more detective (and huntress) and since then has changed. Unlike Dresden however, I gave up on Anita’s series around book 10. I enjoyed her early on although she definitely had some viewpoints I did not agree with, I enjoyed the St Louis setting and urban fantasy elements. I think the Sookie Stackhouse mysteries are in a similar area of the country, also with vampires? Maybe I’ll give those a try.

A tie below perhaps for number 15?

Adrian Monk - I’ve only watched a few episodes of Monk, never got super into it, but he gives me Poirot vibes with how fastidious he is. Eventually I’ll try watching a bit more of this.

Miss Marple - Curious to see how these books compare to Poirot. I started one ages ago but didn’t finish it, got sidetracked. I’ve seen now someone has written a book with characters based on Holmes, Marple and Poe? (Interesting that it’s not Dupin.) Curious to see how that’s handled since Marple I don’t believe is public domain? Some Poirot is, but not her yet to my knowledge.

Auguste Dupin - Read The Purloined Letter, but not the other stories yet that I recall. I don’t remember Dupin himself having any traits that particularly stuck with me, but he is the proto fictional detective so I have to give credit there.

Sam Spade - Similar to Dupin, Sam Spade sets up the proto tropes for his genre of detective story, the more film noir type story. But otherwise he wasn’t super memorable to me, perhaps because he only had the one. Spenser takes a lot of inspiration from him.

Philip Marlowe - Ditto for the above. Read The Big Sleep, can’t recall if there were more that I read? But he helped establish the genre.

Nero Wolfe - I think I have read one of these, but I'll be honest, I don't remember it very well. Probably due to give this series another shot.

—

Honorable mentions: For characters that are not technically detectives by title, but still solve mysteries, or aren’t the lead in their respective stories -

Richard Ranasinghe de Vulpian - I first picked up volume one of the Jeweler Richard light novels because the boys on the cover are pretty, but I bought it because it was described as having mystery elements online and that the two leads would work through cases together. It’s shifted some in focus since then, but Richard is certainly like a detective for jewel related matters. He’s a bit of a Holmes figure, brilliant with specialized knowledge, clever, good at reading people, British, and Seigi is like his warm hearted Watson, good in a fight, deeply loyal. Yet another reason why I love these boys.

Maomao from Apothecary Diaries - Technically not a detective, but she does so much investigating and I love her. Her work sometimes even extends to non-medical cases, she truly has a lot of knowledge but it feels believable with her fixation on medicines / poisons and her upbringing, particularly with her adoptive dad’s mentorship and training. Love hearing her infodump on plants in particular.

All the Ace Attorney lead characters do so much investigating. I recently saw a post that said Phoenix is more of a skilled investigator rather than a lawyer, and they are not wrong. Herlock Sholmes is very silly and I need to finish GAA to really properly judge him, but I’ve seen him invent more than I’ve seen him deduce. I love Ema Skye and would love to see her get her own investigations game, really enjoy seeing her geek out over forensics and working cases once she lands her dream job. Gumshoe is precious but not the best at his job.

Jack Reacher technically doesn’t have a job anymore? But he was an MP and does investigate nearly as much as he fights. I read a fair number of his books when I wanted to learn how to write fight scenes better, and learned some other helpful details while following this series too, particularly about firearms. I like the new Amazon tv adaptation of these stories so far too. Reacher has earned a shoutout here on this list.

The first two Paper Mario games have at least one detective chapter, usually a very silly take on Agatha Christie like tropes, and I enjoy them very much. Give me a full detective spinoff in the Paper Mario world please. Detective Peach from Princess Peach Showtime maybe? Daisy as her Watson? I liked her cases but they were short and the mechanics got a little repetitive, gameplay-wise.

Also in video games, Professor Layton is technically an archaeologist and professor, but he certainly ends up solving quite a few mysteries. I haven't finished all of his games because I'm actually quite crap at a lot of kinds of puzzles, but I enjoy him very much.

House, MD - for a much harsher take on a Holmes like figure, with his own Watson in an actual practicing doctor, Dr Wilson. Ties back into Holmes inspiration coming from a real world medical doctor, Dr. Joseph Bell. I was really into this show for a few years, but House could be so acerbic at times I stopped caring for it as much. Especially when he would be a dick to Cuddy.

Neal Caffrey from White Collar does a lot of investigating and would be a clever detective type in another show, but here as a CI he gives me more Arsene Lupin gentleman thief vibes.

The leads from Cowboy Bebop do have to do a lot of tracking down criminals and investigating, but as bounty hunters, they’re generally after folks who have already been identified as major suspects or convicted, so they don’t quite fall under the umbrella of detectives. Still I love this show and it also added to my interest in crime stories and influenced my writing since I was a teen.

Spy characters in crime stories like James Bond, Twilight / Loid, etc - these guys do some investigation as well, but this is like a whole additional category on its own. Big fan of this genre typically as well, had someone recommend Alex Rider for a YA take on the genre.

I’ll probably continue adding to this post as I think of more fictional detectives to ramble about. 😆

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Okay so what I am getting is that MHJ is being targeted and pushed out. But what I don’t understand is why? Surely it’s not ONLY because she is pushing against the powers in Hybe? Is this all just because egos were being bruised?

I just can’t wrap my head around it all and why they would risk damaging New Jeans for all of this. But seeing how corporate executives (especially from the stupidity that’s happened over at SM) are I guess it makes sense…

*

Ask 2:

But why would Hybe want MHJ gone, bpp? Or, why would the top dogs at Hybe allow this attack on her? She is clearly very good at her job, and is behind the success of Hybe's second biggest group (I put Newjeans over 17), and until now it seemed like they were ready to provide her with the funds, connections and freedom to grow Newjeans to even bigger heights. Trying to take her out seems so stupid and counterproductive for the future of Newjeans and Ador in general....

***

I ramble. Sorry.

I mean, it’s still quite possible HYBE is right and Min Heejin is stupid enough to be guilty of everything they’ve accused her of.

But I want to highlight a few things I believe about MHJ and this situation. Some of them, such as the blind about the SM colleague who gifted her the ig pictures, I’ve talked about before in more detail, but here’s a summary of what I think about MHJ that’s influenced this outcome:

For Korean sensibilities, she’s an extremely unlikeable woman. Not necessarily because she could be cruel, harsh, or anything like that (though I wouldn’t be surprised if she is), but because of how male-like she is, down to how she expects (and demands) her words and contributions to be weighted. To put it mildly, she’s a freak of nature in Korea. It’s one reason I think she’s only gotten this far in her career because of how genuinely good she is at her job, and how often she insists on full credit.

But the first rule of corporate culture is that no one is indispensable, and it’s necessary to have friends in high places. The latter is easy to do if you’re a man, but near impossible if you’re a woman, especially for a woman like MHJ if I’m right about the kind of person she is.

The best thing for NewJeans and Min Heejin, would’ve been for these issues to be resolved internally. I’m sure everybody involved knows that. There is no outcome with things as they stand now, that doesn’t significantly damage NewJeans and MHJ. But the fact that the current scandal leaves only the current choices, and this is the result only because of a third factor: VP L, stands out to me. Meaning, if VP L wasn’t in the picture, chances are things wouldn’t have come to this point. Recall, VP L was apparently a fairly recent addition to ADOR.

It’s true that Min Heejin wants more independence and exclusivity for ADOR. It was the one condition for her joining HYBE when Bang PD hired her in 2019. In my view, it’s clearly a point of pride for her. However, if another sub-label shows no respect for that independence and exclusivity, I can see how many, including MHJ, would think it’s meaningless. HYBE offers immense resources, but corporate tussles over more access to those resources while insisting on independence and exclusivity can easily become heated, personal, and nasty. Especially if the person demanding it is a woman with the ego of a man.

I’m sure several allegations such as MHJ wanting to gain more share ownership, are probably things MHJ has said at various points, though the practicality of her pulling it off while NewJeans is still such a young group is next to nil - something MHJ has also admitted. So MHJ has admitted to actually wanting more independence and ownership, (something she’s accused of by HYBE), but refusing that she planned to go about it now and in the way they’ve alleged. That’s part of what makes this scandal so insidious. It’s weaponizing an obvious desire years before the target can realistically develop the ability to act on it. I’ve seen people frame HYBE’s move as a counterattack, but in reality it’s preemptive. It slows down NewJeans’ trajectory, yes, but in a multi-label system that’s been revealed to have poorly managed and toxic competition, there are likely more people interested in seeing that happen, than the reverse.

SM Entertainment has a reputation for blacklisting artists and employees who cut ties with them. I’ve talked about this in more detail before, but just as it was during the CBX lawsuit when suddenly, blinds started popping up smearing the characters of Baekhyun, Xiumin, and Chen and it caught on because some truth was mixed with truly fucked up shit (the members eventually dropped most of their demands and settled with SM), and just as during MHJ’s ig scandal where the picture gifts from her ‘friend at SM’ resulted in a smear campaign that combined some truth with a rumormill of misinformation… those are the examples I’ll list for now but understand this is very common playbook with SM in particular. That nonsense about the Pink Bloods didn’t come from nowhere. A top executive could use that phrase unironically and publicly because the company culture at SM, more than any other agency, is patently cult-like, as admitted by their own employees over literal decades. There’s a sense that nobody can really leave. When another blind from 2021 mentioned that the sense of resentment and betrayal at SM was extremely high when MHJ moved to HYBE, it only adds to my view.

Something that informs my view is that VP L *moved to ADOR* before all of this happened. If it’s assumed he acted sympathetically, that is, wanted to help MHJ achieve her goals of being independent from HYBE, then anyone would tell you that him moving to ADOR was exactly the wrong thing to do. Everything he did at ADOR, he could’ve done while at HQ - the file he created with sale scenarios, the alleged showing of financial documents to MHJ, the supposed courting of investors. In fact, it would be more useful for ADOR/MHJ to have him remain at HYBE if the point was for him to have a hand in HYBE granting them more autonomy. This is like the abcs in business. It’s why the double agent always remains in enemy camp rather than move to the home base. The only thing his move to ADOR does, is incriminate them beyond doubt. And that’s what has happened. This is the most illogical thing to me about this entire scandal.

Min Heejin is naive and careless, and probably not much of a conventionally accepted ‘good person’. In my opinion. The thing about people like this is, even if they are innocent in reality, they are perceived by most people not to be. Because naive, careless, and bad people, deserve to be punished in any case. She’s a classic scapegoat and she has no one to blame but herself for being in this situation.

I like NewJeans, and despite everything, I don’t think HYBE wants them to fail. And like you’ve all realized by now, the fallout of this scandal isn’t limited to just Min Heejin and NewJeans, it negatively affects every single group from HYBE. The company will try to maintain normalcy for their groups. I suspect things will likely continue business as usual for them, unless somebody does something truly crazy. But like most other scandals in k-pop, they’ve become ‘tainted’, something that could only happen due to a group of people within HYBE who don’t genuinely take pride in the work created by the sub-labels in HYBE.

If Bang PD had any sense, he’d root out that group. He seems to still enjoy producing too much for me to think he’s part of that group himself, but I have no longer have illusions as to his limitations as a businessman.

[aroeddiediaz]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @cal-daisies-and-briars , @jesuiscenseedormir , @diazsdimples

How many works do you have on ao3?

27!

What's your total ao3 word count?

61,537

What fandoms do you write for?

Currently I’m pretty much exclusively a 9-1-1 writer, but in the past I wrote a lot of Flarrowverse (do they still call it that?). I also have published fics for Fantastic Beasts and a few anime (Given, Haikyuu, Saiki K). Given the number of Bnha wips i have locked away in the vault it’s amazing I don’t have anything published for that.

Top 5 fics by kudos:

(I am omitting all the Flarrowverse fics in my top 5 on the basis that they were written in high school and I’ve changed as a person, and they probably only beat out on the numbers due to being up for years longer)

1. Kabe-Do’s and Kabe-Don’ts (Given, 861 kudos)

2. You’re Not Special (Saiki K, 598 kudos)

3. How Eddie Learned To Stop Worrying And Embrace The Kitten Life (9-1-1, 327 kudos)

4. The Boy Formerly Known As Miracle (Haikyuu, 277 kudos)

5. Under The Hood (9-1-1, 275 kudos)

Do you respond to comments?

Yes!! As many as I can!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

This probably has to be The Crimes of Queenie Goldstein, in which Queenie is put on trial for her actions during the war. Don’t @ me but Queenie turning traitor was bu far the most interesting part of the Crimes of Grindelwald (the only interesting thing, really). There could be such an interesting story between her and Tina if only JKR would let the movies out of her grasp.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Fuck, idk if I have a happiest ending fic, a lot of them tend to not have that much story arc. (A lot of established relationship fluff or smut lmao). I guess if I had to pick one it would probably be How Eddie Learned To Stop Worrying and Embrace The Kitten Life.

Do you get hate on fics?

Not since that one anti-olicity fic that I wrote while deep in the trenches of Flarrowverse discourse, which I totally deserved :/. I have regrets. Also I should probably orphan/delete that one if I haven’t already. In my defense, high school. I have learned.

Do you write smut?

Yea lol. I think my 9-1-1 stuff has been almost exclusively smut. Idk how it happened. (I do know how it happened smut is fun to write)

Craziest crossover?

I haven’t published any of my crossover fics :( none of them have been complete enough. I have many many unfinished RotBTD wips that have never seen the light of day though.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Who would steal my stuff? Lol

Have you ever had a fic translated?

One time someone offered to translate one of my fics into Russian but idk if that ever actually happened.

Have you co-written a fic before?

Nope

All time favorite ship?

Right now definitely Buddie! Percabeth holds a special place in my heart though <3

What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Ok. After the end of the Heroes of Olympus Series, but before Trials of Apollo was announced, I tried my own hand at writing the sequel that was clearly coming based on all the loose threads in the final book. It was going to be a Solangelo quest to save the Oracle of Delphi from Python, while Akhys tries to poison Percy to turn him into an evil god(?). Half the details have been lost and I desperately want to remember them, because I haven’t attempted anything nearly as cool or ambitious since then. The first 5 chapters are posted on my ao3 (Will Solace and the Oracle’s Cry) and I still think high school me had the most interesting characterization of Will out of everyone else on the internet at the time. Even if it is still very 2015.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I’m good at getting into the heads of different characters. Understanding their motives and weaknesses.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Editing.

Lmao I have a lot of weaknesses but I definitely struggle the most with trying to look back on or change things I’ve already written, even when it’s necessary.

Also my tendency to just drop fics if I stop working on them for too long. Rip to my wip graveyard.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

That’s a minefield I’m not willing to play in. Unless it’s Chinese. Very limited amounts of Chinese. Or like, a pet name or phrase that’s already ubiquitous in fandom so I’m not risking anything.

First fandom you wrote in?

Percy Jackson!! That Will Solace quest is the first thing I ever wrote! I definitely had a tendency to jump into the deep end with new hobbies lmao. Like my first ever cosplay that took me 3 years to complete.

Favorite fic you've written?

I think my favorite fic is always going to be the one I’m currently working on writing. But I am very proud of the silly little dramatic ironies in In Hindsight, which I wrote entirely over one long lunch the day after 7x04 broke me. Also I have to shoutout Teacher’s Pet, that one ruler spanking fic nobody ever reads because it’s Eddie/Ana lmao. I enjoyed putting in a bunch of tiny incompatibilities between them. So, uh, I guess my favorite thing in my own writing is dramatic irony?

Tagging: @aspecbuddie @pirrusstuff @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @lemonzestywrites @your-catfish-friend @inkmortal-trash389 @evanbegins s @wildlife4life @eddiebabygirldiaz @epicbuddieficrecs @kitteneddiediaz @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @coatedpanda16 @nicotinewrites @estheticpotaeto @babytrapperdiaz @snowviolettwhite @wikiangela

[ryuichirou]

Replies

A couple of replies today! Kuroshitsuji and Twst.

Anonymous asked:

are you ever gonna make some Kuroshitsuji 2 art featuring my favorite blonde psycho?

We love Alois and I did draw him a couple of times! We posted some of the stuff here, but everything that wasn’t posted on tumblr can be found in this kuroshitsuji log on pixiv.

I’m not planning on drawing him in the nearest future, but since he is very special to us, it might randomly happen at some point…

If you have any troubles with pixiv, let me know and I’ll post Alois art from there here.

Anonymous asked:

The thought just crossed my mind... Do you ship Sebastian with any other characters aside from Ciel? Do you have any thoughts about those ships, if you do? Do you see Grell as a top or a bottom, too?! (I can't pick a side w/ them personally)

We talked about our Kuroshitsuji ships some time ago, here is the post if you’re interested! But in short, we kind of ship him with William because their interactions in the Circus Arc were hilarious and William was 100% playing hard to get. I don’t think I’ve even drawn them at all, but I should do it at least once… I should draw all of our Kuroshitsuji ships at least once, to be fair :(

Ironically, we don’t have any ships or even thoughts about Grell, sorry for disappointing! Maybe it’s due to the fact that while we were hating on Kuroshitsuji all those years (dark times lol), Grell was pretty much the only character I would draw anyway because of the cool design… But not really, to be honest; it’s actually more likely due to the fact that none of the Grell ships really clicked with us :( As for the position, it’s easy to see Grell as a bottom, but it doesn’t really help in this case.

Anonymous asked:

I've noticed I think y'all ship idia the same way I ship silver LOL just 24/7 running a list of characters through my head like "would it be hot if they dicked down Silver? It would be a little hot, wouldn't it? Lets just add them to the list anyway 😌" [he and said character has spoken a total of 2 times]

YES This is the treatment Silver deserves, his father would be so proud lol a little jealous, but still!

It is fun though... I always say it, but twst cast is very interesting, so a lot of characters who seem to be just a random pick could have such nice chemistry that it’s easy to start shipping them after just one interaction or a voice line. I love it so much lol

Anonymous asked:

i can not stop thinking about how Ortho has 24/7 access to any and all porn ever uploaded to the internet. and with a little modification he can bring even some of the most fantastical ones into reality.

He is just way too powerful, isn’t he? And the worst thing is, no one can even stop him anymore, now that Idia can’t access his system anymore…

If you think about it, Ortho is the perviest and the most knowledgeable person in NRC, even if he isn’t actively aware of all the kinks in the world. To think that only 5 minutes of buffering time separates him from being completely unaware and him having seen the entire collection of sex machine porn videos… And knowing Ortho, he’ll definitely want to try some of the things irl lol

Anonymous asked:

Hello! I'd like to know your thoughts on one of the side characters: Fellow Honest.

Sorry if you've already talked about him and I missed it.....

I'm just curious, because you seem to like Rollo and Che'nya, side characters that have made a few appearances in your art.

Do you have any interest in Fellow? Any headcannons? Or are you waiting until next Halloween, when Playful Land is available in English, to talk about/possibly draw him?

Hi, Anon! Sorry for the late reply.

I haven’t talked about it, and unfortunately I still can’t really talk about him. We are very intrigued by both Fellow and Gidel, but we haven’t seen their event yet. So I can’t make proper judgments and come up with any headcanons :(

We don’t really care about the EN release because we watch fan translations on youtube, but we just don’t have time to watch anything these days unfortunately. But when we do watch it, you’ll definitely notice, because there is no way I won’t draw Fellow at least a couple of times. His design and his sleazy faces are just too much fun lol

[tj-crochets]

How do you make stuffed animals? I’ve bought a pattern for less complicated animals, but you made that blorbo and I don’t think there are any templates for that? What should be my next step in developing my animal making skills?

Hey! This answer is probably going to get pretty long, so it's going below a read more

You're right, I did not use a pre-existing pattern for the blorbo plushie. There's a couple different methods people use to create plushie patterns; if you find you don't like the method I use, that doesn't mean you can't make plushies! Keep trying until you find methods that work for you In my experience, the best way to develop skills in plushie pattern making is to sew a bunch of different plushies. While you use patterns, look at how the pieces look in 2D on the paper and how the end up in 3D in the finished plushie, and start to make a note of what it takes to make simple 3D shapes like a sphere (darts or different segments), a cube (six squares), a cylinder (a rectangle with two circles for the end pieces) If creating a new pattern entirely from scratch seems too much to start with, you can repurpose pieces of other patterns*! I've got a fluffy ostrich-y bird pattern that's just a pattern for a round dumpling for the body, a pattern for a...I think it was a snowball for the head, and then some simple rectangles to make the cylinders of the neck and legs. Another thing! A lot of plushie pattern making for simpler plushies made of knit fabric is just drawing. My manta ray patterns are just a drawing of a manta ray, plus a seam allowance added around the outside. Same with my eel pattern (mostly. it has one dart), my fish pattern, my other manta ray pattern...there's a lot of patterns you can make flat when you're starting out and use stuffing and the stretch of the fabric to make 3D. It's still what I use for simple flat pieces of patterns like wings, arms, ears, etc. That reminds me: seam allowances! I use 1/4" seam allowances, because that's what my sewing machine is set up for and it's the most common seam allowance I've seen used for plushies. You can use whatever seam allowance you want, but I have found it's a loooot easier if you have a tool you can use to add your seam allowance once you've drawn your pattern. I use two mechanical pencils taped together whose points are 1/4" apart. I put one pencil on the line I drew for the pattern, and use the other pencil to draw the line of the seam allowance. A few other tips, in no particular order but numbered so I can keep track of them 1. when matching up pieces of a pattern, make sure they match before the seam allowance is added. It'll make your life easier 2. fold paper to get symmetry in your pattern pieces 3. if you need to match a straight line to a curved line, or two curved lines together, you can use a pipe cleaner to measure the length of the curved line and then straighten the pipe cleaner to know how long to make your straight line (like matching the bottom of legs (rectangular pieces) to feet (circular pieces)) 4. If you are creating a pattern to use with a particular fabric, check how much of the fabric you have BEFORE you draw the pattern just like an inch too long to cut out of the fabric (I learned the hard way lol) 5. if you are worried your pattern won't turn out how you want it to, you can always start with monsters. There's no wrong way to make a monster plushie, you can just accidentally make a different monster than the one you intended to make. It's still a monster plushie, and that's not a bad thing to make! :D 6. if you have multiple pattern pieces coming together at the same point, like the top of a beach ball or the top of my octopus pattern, think about what angle you want that junction to form. For the octopus, I wanted the very top of it to be flat, so I made sure the pieces coming together totaled 360 degrees to be a flat circle. If I'd gone for less than 360 degrees, it would be pointed, if I'd gone for more, it would be kind of ruffled? Almost? Point is: divide the angle you want by the number of pieces you want to form that angle to get what the angle should be at the point each piece comes together *don't sell patterns made from pieces of other peoples' patterns though