#I’ve tried to make Miles look more… doomed? idk

[orsinist]

Finished with my fav outlast characters <3

[wastelandcth]

love somebody - cth

this is based on three anon requests I got in the past week so I hope you guys enjoy! used this video and this song as inspo! 

anon: could i request an angsty fic with cal? i’ve been watching that live performance of ghost of you where he’s in that gucci shirt and supposedly crying during the song, maybe before the show he and his gf get into a fight over facetime cuz she’s back home in LA and he says smth he doesn’t mean & he tries to take it back but she hangs up so during the song he gets emotional thinking they’re gonna breakup but after the concert he checks his phone and sees an i love you text and they’re gonna be okay

anon: i loooooved your angst piece !!! could you write another one omg it tore my heartstrings but have a happy ending bc i can’t take that much heartbreak maybe another fight a breakdown whatever idk i just loved ur piece

anon: Okay yay!🥰 I'd really love if you could do love somebody-lauv with calum(obviously, we're all hoes) 🥰 if it can be like he's the one hurting her, even better lmao

Calum's hand were shaking when he walked onto the stage. He wasn't nervous about the show, the large crowds didn't bother him anymore. He hadn't been nervous for a show in years, no, his hands were shaking because he didn't know what he would be walking off stage too. He didn't know if she'd still be there after the show. His mind was busy running over endless scenarios as the show started, the only reminder that he was on stage as he went on autopilot was the vibrations of the drums on his feet. Even during his speech before he sang Amnesia, his mind felt like it was miles away in Los Angeles with her. 

It had been a stupid fight, something that had just snapped and before he knew it, he was spewing meaningless insults at her. She wanted more from him and he knew he was capable of giving her everything she wanted and more. Hell, Calum would give her the moon if it was possible. But he always did this, he pushed people away whenever they got to close to him. So he snapped, he reminded her that she was the one who had hesitated with their relationship in the first place, that she was the one to blame for the distance that was currently between them. By the time he realized the words that had left him, she had already hung up their facetime call. He tried calling her back, but before she could answer, which Calum hoped she would've, he was being dragged towards the stage to start the show. 

Calum had met her after one of their Friends of Friends shows. She had been hanging out by the bar talking to one of her friends which had finished performing a while ago, both of them laughing and chatting over the loud music playing around them. She had introduced herself and had complimented his leather jacket, giving him props for being able to wear it inside the stuffy club and still look so good. If Calum hadn't been so busy the rest of the night, hosting and playing the band, he might've caught the way she kept stealing glances at him throughout the show. And if she hadn't been so busy nursing the strong drink her friend had gotten her, she would've realized that Calum had been searching for her in the crowd until the club was empty and he was walking out onto the empty streets. He didn't expect himself to end up at the food truck a few blocks away, but it was funny how fate worked because the second he saw her standing in line their eyes met. They exchanged numbers that night and a few weeks later Calum stood at her doorstep, asking her to take the next step and be something more than just friends.

She had been hesitant, telling him that it was something she would have to think about. She had her heart broken many times before and she wasn't sure getting into a relationship with Calum was something she could handle. He had respected her decision, telling her to take her time to think about them and that if she just wanted to be friends, Calum was more than happy to oblige. A few days later, she had shown up at his doorstep in the middle of the night, his hair was messy from sleep and his tired eyes widened as she pulled him into a kiss under the moon. Calum swore it was the best kiss he'd ever had, it made him feel like he was on cloud nine, and every time they kissed afterward, he still felt the same. 

Standing on stage in front of thousands of people had always been something that brought Calum joy, it was the dream and he was living it out every night. But tonight was different, tonight Calum looked out onto the crowd and he couldn't help the heaviness in his heart. He missed her and he had a feeling that he had ruined a good thing over nothing. Maybe it was too good to be true, maybe the fact that he was finally happy and in love with someone was too good for the universe to believe in so he had to open his big mouth and ruin it. He was going to get home from tour next week and be met with an empty house and he'd sleep in an empty bed. 

Panic set into his heart as he thought about her leaving. His hands started to shake again, his mind no longer on autopilot as he heard Luke talking about Ghost of You. His mind was suddenly aware of all the people watching him. He stepped closer to the mic as his solo neared. He'd never had a hard time connected with the songs they sang every night. He'd helped write them, so it wasn't hard for him to relate to them. But tonight, Calum's throat felt tight as he sang out the words. He was on stage living his dream and all he wanted to know was if she was at home with tears running down her cheeks as she packed a bag to leave him. It was hard for him or anyone else to ignore the tears that ran down his cheeks as he sang or how his voice cracked when he sang out his feelings on stage 'too dumb to know things like love'. Even as he closed his eyes and leaned his head back, listening to Luke play the final notes on the piano, Calum couldn't help but let out a shaky breath and step off the stage to take a quick breather. He was grateful that the guys didn't mention him stepping off, even more, grateful when they stalled the crowd so he could control his tears. 

The rest of the concert was a blur to him, his body-switching back onto autopilot and before he knew it, he was playing along to the last song of the night. He was anxious to get off of the stage, to run back to the dressing room and check his phone, to try and stop whatever doomed relationship he'd caused. So as the lights turned out on stage, he ran off the second the tech had his bass in his hands. Sweat was running down his body as he entered the room, his eyes landing on his Duke phone case, he wasn't sure if he was even prepared to open his phone, to start a conversation he wasn't sure he could have over the phone. He also didn't know if he was prepared to see her face with tears running down her cheeks. But he also couldn't wait to talk to her, to apologize for being an idiot and pushing her away. Calum picked up the phone and chills ran down his body. Her name had popped up, a missed call, and a few text messages from her. With a shaky finger, Calum unlocked his phone and clicked on the message, a small laugh leaving his body as his nerves left him. It was a simple message, but it flooded him with relief and Calum didn't realize his body was so tense until he leaned against the counter and rubbed his face. I love you. All he wanted was to love her, to cherish her, and make her the happiest she could be. It's all she ever made Calum feel and he wanted to do everything to make her feel the same. Rereading the text message from her, Calum took a deep breath and clicked her number, waiting for her to answer so he could say the words he had been thinking on stage all night. 

"I hurt you and I'm sorry. But all I want is to love you." 

[deathdesu]

idk if you've already done it but snake for the askmeme thing?

sure, why not! general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life He was never very high in my favorites but that’s probably just because he was missing for half of the game so I didn’t get attached... there’s nothing wrong with him, I just don’t think about him a lot  hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang 

I don’t like his jacket, and I think he looks like a stuffy old man... or like beanpole Miles Edgeworth hahaha. His portraits do look a little nicer in the HD graphics though, and he was cute as a teen. Just not my type at all, RIP....   

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff   

best quality: His sass. Snake has a really sharp wit and he’s got some hilarious lines as a result. Although that is what I enjoy most about him as a character, I think as a person his best quality is his ability to look out for those around him. He seems like a really nice older brother, and making up the leaf words for the children in the first nonary game was sweet... worst quality: Well, Snake is just as revenge-driven as his sister is, if anything happens to her. Although I don’t really think this is actually an awful trait of his so much, because the Safe ending is pretty badass and deserved. But nothing really comes to mind...  ship them with:  There was one comic that sold me on AoiLight, that implied Aoi had a crush on Light ever since the First Nonary Game, and I really like that idea, I think that’s just so cute. Unfortunately I can’t ever see it lasting with any degree of IC-ness because I really don’t think Snake would forgive Crash Keys for kidnapping Clover again in VLR... and they did that before the events of ZTD so even if they don’t keep her in cold sleep for decades, the initial kidnapping still would have happened in every timeline. So to me that one could only wind up a hate ship in the end, or one-sided pining from Aoi. Which isn’t bad to me, because I like doomed ships. Watching characters suffer endlessly because of love can sometimes be more fun than a happy ending ... But I don’t think I’ve ever seen any AoiLight content like that laughs. They could get to be happy in the “fixed” timeline the Q-Team epilogue made, though. So if you like positive AoiLight, please cheer my best girl Mira on \o/   brotp them with: Clover, of course! I really like that they look out for each other and they’re just trying to live their lives without them being defined by their psychic powers. The Field siblings are ride or die and they deserve better.  needs to stay away from: Akane/Crash Keys. Listen, he was probably pretty pissed about being put in a second nonary game to begin with, but I’m really convinced if he got wind of their activities in future games, he would put himself in the way no matter what world-saving angle they tried to spin it with. From his perspective, everyone involved there deserves an ass kicking for messing with Clover. THEY RAN LIKE CHICKENS AT THE END OF 999 SO THEY CLEARLY KNEW IT WAS COMING LOL... Of course I’d say the same of Cradle and Free the Soul, but it’s more like they need to stay away from him. Double middle fingers to all the organizations in Zero Escape, courtesy of Light Field  misc. thoughts: I do not agree with the part of fanbase who thinks he should have been in more of the games. Don’t mess. Let big bro rest.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Primez!

hell yeah thankyou!!! [2, 5, 17 been answered]

(3) maple - is there a hobby / skill that you’ve always wanted to try but never did?

i’m that theatre gay who’s never Really been in any theatre production. and there was an archery place like 10 min from where i grew up and i was like “ooh archery how cool” b/c i’m a gay but never tried it

(7) amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have.

hardly unheard of but i Don’t Like the approach to astrology that ppl have been getting in the past few yrs like. the Joke someone on twitter had that we’re like, on the verge of some astrological discrimination lawsuit……..and idk ppl get like pseudo-christian-style Smug about it like, don’t apply this to everyone??? and it’s just strange to like. tell people what they’re like. or explain their characteristics via this really strange westernized vague concept of astrology rather than like, tell me about the life experiences that affect the way that you are. like it’s almost condescending and ppl are being way too serious about it sometimes in (see: the on the verge of the lawsuit thing lol)…..anyways and i guess some of my Killjoy tendencies make me like, haha i’m the Hater b/c idk i’m real opinionated. but a lot of the times it’s not Really b/c i hate other’s joy or some shit, it’s just crap along the lines of like, “these ideas abt love which are meant to be Very Romantic actually strike me as being the Less ideal interpretation of love between people and the potential therein? and colder? and unhealthier / more unpleasant / not as nice / etc etc etc as my ideas on romance which i guess seem like i’m wanting to just shoot down some Lovely Concepts but i’m like. that doesn’t seem lovely. i’m on the very of launching into another essay abt Isolation Isn’t Romantic and Romance As Very Human And Ordinary And Even Mundane Seems A Lot Better Than The More ~Magical~ Approach and did i mention romance should be the Opposite of isolating and yet it’s so taken for granted sometimes that you’ll know it’s True Love when you [bass boosted DIE FOR EACH OTHER] and stop giving a shit about anyone but this one other person and etccccccccc [me screaming for hours]”

and a lot of times things that i guess are would-be Cute / Charming / Wholesome / Positive / Etc start to grate on me if i have to see it too much and i’ll probably end up hating or resenting it but like, not because i hate happy stuff, but b/c it just like. is like, i like things to be Genuine, and it will just feel like this is Performing genuine…ness………..which i don’t like. b/c it’s being Not genuine to try to appeal on the grounds that it’s genuine? yknow. which also extends into the realm of “i hate this Cute music over this cute animal video. don’t tell me how to feel about it” and when something tries to be Surprising in the realm of like, pseudo-dissonant like. oh this is a cute harmless white girl on the ukulele but she just said “fuck” and “std’s” or some crap!!! whaaaaaat!!!!! like, i hate this actually? can i die

i could give a ted talk just showing vines that make it into plenty of people’s compilations and being like “this is why this vine is Not Funny (Enough)” 

(also i do sometimes hate Having Fun. doge speak was so awful. of Course gop congress adopted it briefly in its original heyday. even now i hate the derivatives. i’m not about to rb something that contains the word birb. can i die)

also i think star wars is boring. i think cargo pants are fun and fine. 

(11) orchard - share one thing that you’d like to happen this autumn.

we get confirmation that any Winston Footage is filmed for billions s5. soph i know that like, fitting in almost 3 hrs of subway travel / going into nj and back / probably having to do all this on a weekend / having like a 5 second window maybe makes it difficult but we all agree it’d make another epic gamer moment if you got to see lihn

(13) bonfire - describe your dream house.

lol being in my teenz in 2008 i haven’t thought about it much tbh. i think i’d like a pretty cozy (smallish) bedroom and just a lot of physical Niches yknow. i like to frequent very specific spots which are not too out in the open. and really everything would be kinda Cozy Smallish but not the kitchen. get some space there, and like, raised counters like for julia child being 6′2″ b/c Standard Height is not comfortable for me either at my tender 5′11″ or 6″ness. and i always think that those sitty spaces that are like, Depressed into the floor are fun. i know there’s a word for that, but whatever. there’s a bunch of very disparate color schemes i’d think i’d like, so like, idk if i’d just go for totally different Aesthetic Approaches from room to room to try to cover all of them lol

(19) pumpkin - do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?

i mean i think it’s more important to recognize that anyone is entirely capable of Doing good or bad, and arguing about what they Truly Are In Their Hearts is beside the point. but i also think the idea that like oooh if Polite Society crumbles enough we’ll all just be roving in bloodthirsty packs, looking to kill each other and loot / probably eat the corpses, etc etc ~dark gritty bold~ apocalyptic material that’s like wow yeah that’s really confronting the Uncomfortable True Nature of society. like, capitalism is already a brutal and inhumane situation to exist in, but it’s not some emergent expression of Human Nature like, oh, life is just like this, empty and alienating and unfulfilling unless you [physical violence b/c it is Genuine], or that people would turn on each other if we were in survival mode, like…..no. survival mode always entails helping others to survive like. yeah not for necessarily Every individual? but that’s just more of anyone’s capacity to Do good or bad. but humans as a species are not solitary, we’re social b/c that’s how we all exist in relation to each other, society is innate to us and not some Luxury that distances us from our True Natures. we communicate with each other and want to work together even beyond helping each other survive and want to connect to each other and total / imposed isolation is Bad for anyone. and i think that love and altruism are Human Nature too. like, it’s weird when it’s treated like some evolutionary mystery why humans (or individuals of other species) would exercise altruism and/or self-destruction (or the risk of it) for the sake of others? like “but it doesn’t make sense b/c for us survival means Passing On Genes, we protect ourselves and our ability to exist and procreate, and we protect those most genetically similar to us, down the line to favoring your most distant cousin over a random stranger,” etc etc What A Mystery Why We Are Altruistic!!! but it’s not?? like? we don’t just see ourselves as individuals and we recognize the self in the other, and that we are all just Arbitrarily the self that we happen to be, and are all The Other to everyone else’s Myself…..and why would humanity not Preserve itself beyond just individuals looking out for just their individual existence? we just like. don’t only prioritize the preservation of our own genetic code. why should it be a less Survivally Successful approach for any individual to look out for any other individual? of Course we give a shit about other randos who don’t have any familial or even any other personal connection to us at all b/c we just care about the survival of other humans. 

anyways! no yeah so i think that Love and Altruism are intrinsic human nature. like creativity and communication. we aren’t like, always doomed to destroy each other b/c That’s Humans For You. denying the humanity in others inherently requires actually just reducing one’s own humanity, yknow??? re: human nature anyways. i know we’re all still technically human regardless of how we act. and that the self-destructive destruction of others is a feature of humanity, but i don’t think it’s one which is Inherent or Inevitable. i.e. the Self-Destruction thing. capitalism is out here threatening everyone’s existence and just so happens to require placing the Wealthy Few above the worth of the lives of all the rest, who are the cheap labor force rather than Just As Human as the richest. anyways. mostly Good! but the point is still that anyone can do Bad regardless so like, who cares if you have some good in your heart, bitch we all do.

(23) ghost - is there someone that you miss having in your life?

still a bit effed up on missing the theoretical concept of an in-person group of people who are consistent in genuinely enjoying / being enthusiastic about time spent with you. one reason it’s theoretical is that i’ve never Really had a whole in-person friend group exaactly. and it’s theoretical b/c idk, it’s not easy for me to feel comfortable Being Myself around others and like, i like being in groups as a rando amongst strangers really easily, but if it’s like, we’re all in a group and talking and stuff, i can just go into [stifled mode] real easily, idk, it’s hard to say whether the times i’ve been Uncomfortable in groups like that is just like, it not being the right people, or that i just will always like smaller groups or just one-on-one or smthing i dunnooooo. either way i get depressed about Wouldn’t It Be Nice though so idk? i guess i would still ideally seek it out. but i also can’t feel like i can actually expect this to happen. on a related note i forgot to mention Briony Atkins as this minor character who is very like me in being someone who is outwardly v withdrawn and quiet and comes across as not speaking b/c she has nothing to say but in reality she’s a passionate and boisterous person who just rarely shows / expresses it around others. i’m out here never talking (and getting the chance to talk aloud and it’s like a mile a minute all at once trying to compensate) and being pretty quiet and people get surprised when i have An Opinion even though i’m super opinionated lol and i just find it really hard to be myself around others unless i’m operating completely on my own and beholden to no one, but even then. anxious

[dlucets]

waterloo | oikawa tooru x reader

Title: Waterloo Fandom: Haikyuu!! Character: Oikawa Tooru Genre: Very, very light angst. Fluff. Word Count: 1595 Extra Info: Crossposted from dA. AKA: That ABBA inspired fic nobody asked for that I wrote at like 1am but ok

♥

“Hey, (Y/N)!” a chirpy voice.

Too chirpy. You knew that voice from anywhere. You peered around the courtyard warily, locating the cowlicked boy from half a mile away before cowering into yourself. It wasn’t that you didn’t like him, you just… you liked him too much. And too much was bad. Especially with Oikawa Tooru.

You didn’t even know what he’d do if he ever found out of your… predicament involving him. Oikawa Tooru, the renowned womaniser of Seijoh. No. It was unheard of!

You instead opted to walk right past him, though you could feel your cheeks reddening an embarrassing colour as you sauntered past. It was embarrassing. You were eighteen, not fourteen- why, then, did you feel like your entire body was in flames when you walked in the vicinity of that boy? You shuddered - he must’ve had you under some sort of spell.

As you entered the school building, you let out a quick sigh. You’d escaped him. Somehow. And you felt the relief sink into you the way a stone sinks into water, instantaneous relief that consumed you as you walked over to your friends who were congregating by the staircase.

♥

“(Y/N)!” his voice. Again.

You tried to avoid him, to walk right past him, but his arm shot out and grasped your wrist, halting your footsteps. You didn’t dare lift your chin, eyes trained on the ground as the world seemed to fall apart at your feet. Damn it. Why didn’t he get the message? You were avoiding him, was he blind?

“Let’s get something to eat!”

“No, I’m busy, Tooru. Besides, don’t you have practice?”

You could literally feel the pout radiating off his cream skin, he tugged on your wrist once more and you tried with all your might not to look up. To look up would a) be defeat and b) expose your abnormally tomato-coloured face to him. Both factors were one and their own individual, and you didn’t feel like giving into the brunet so easily. Or even with difficulty. You’d die with this… secret.

“But (Y/N)-” he dragged out your name in that oh-so-pretty tone of his that made your heart flutter desperately as it drummed against your ribcage, “you know practice isn’t on on Mondays- and it’s not good to overwork yourself!”

“Tooru, I’d love to but-”

“Great then! It’s settled!” a successful smile pulled the corners of his lips upwards, that mischievous glint dancing around in his eyes in such an infuriatingly adorable manner; the sort that sent sparks dancing through your body; the sort that crinkled his eyes and exhibited the life in his soul.

The joy of life.

In a slip of judgement, you accepted. After all, was falling into defeat really that bad when you felt like you won anyway?

Because with him, somehow, you felt like you won when you lost anyway.

♥

“(Y/N)." He sat in front of you, an unreadable expression written across his face; You’ve been ignoring me, avoiding me,” Oikawa mused.

His cheek lay in his hand, tussled chestnut hair falling over his eyes and masking the sun from fully entering his eyes as he gazed out the window before his eyes turned to yours. You felt your heart plummet to your shoes.

“No I’ve not,”

You tried to feign apathy, stirring the spoon in your coffee round and round. Your eyes darted around the café, landing on vinyls that sat proudly on the walls and signed photographs, couples laughing and students pouring their minds into their homework and projects in between sips of coffee and laughter. There was always a protective aura in cafés, the sort that set you at ease in a sense. It was as though the exquisite scent of coffee could chase away any impending sense of doom and allow you to sink into the leather booth you were sat in.

Except for now.

Wherein you sat rigidly, glancing down at the swirling liquid chasing circles round and round and round the mug.

“You have. You’re doing it right now~” he teased, and you shook your head.

No you weren’t. You just didn’t want him to know. And you knew that as soon as you looked into his warm eyes; framed with gold thanks to the tint of the sun, you’d spill your heart out. Provoked by the false security of the café and your own muddled brain that felt like an unsolvable jigsaw puzzle in that moment. You wanted to bang your head against the table and pull your hair out.

Instead, you just sat there.

“No I’m not.”

“Look me in the eye, (Y/N), and tell me you’ve not been avoiding me intentionally, then,” he demanded, and you nearly choked on the aromatic atmosphere of the café.

You felt cornered; he was going to coax you into surrendering at any minute now.

“I don’t need to prove myself to you,”

“If you had nothing to hide-” he paused mid-sentence, eyes widening in a way that made you feel even more cornered; he was peering right into your soul, his quick mind acting as a compass as he traced the reasons as to why you were acting this way, “you’re avoiding me because you have something to hide, huh?”

“What? No!” you protested, “I’m just busy. And you’re busy. With volleyball. So we never meet. Ever. I’m sorry,” you muttered, all the excuses flying out your mouth with a practised ease that just acted as a catalyst.

“Ah!” he said, “You are hiding something!”

That stupid grin on his face made your insides curdle with sourness, you wanted to reach up to his face and grip his chin. You wanted to grab his face by both sides and show him how infuriatingly irresistible he was in every single damn way with just his innocuous looks; his casually irritable self that had you falling head over heels for him all over again.

“Do you have a… partner, (Y/N)?”

You glowered at him.

“No, idiot.”

“So mean!”

“Then why are you avoiding me-”

“Because… I’m busy,”

You weren’t surrendering just yet.

♥

“(Y/N)!”

History had that uncanny way of repeating itself and somehow, you’d managed to find yourself dragged to that same café a week later. Albeit this time, with ample reason. You had a project to work on and had decided the café was the perfect rendezvous for your group members.

You instantaneously regretted your choice, however, when you heard the chime of one Oikawa Tooru’s voice. It sounded as melodiously irritable as always, and you could feel your heart sinking further with every footstep he took towards your table.

Was it just you, or had the room’s temperature increased way above average?

“(Y/N)! You’re here!” Oikawa Tooru was there. At your table.

After a week of ignoring him once more. A week after you’d vowed not to surrender to that jelly-like substance inside you; that part of your heart that melted into nothing but sweetness whenever you thought of him. After all, you had not even 6 months before graduation, and who knew what would happen after graduation?

Now was not the time for love- Or petty romances. (Or middle grade emotions that made you feel like everything in the world was okay whilst simultaneously making you feel as though the world was spinning off its axis and the sun had been replaced with the honeydew tones of his voice and-)

“You’ve been ignoring me again,” he teased.

“Why do you care?” you shrugged, glad that none of your group members were running exactly on time for fear that they’d see the… encounter between you and Tooru.

You didn’t want rumours, after all.

“Because, (Y/N), I like you!”

And your heart all but stopped at the carelessness of his words-

“I don’t want you to keep ignoring me! We’re friends!”

And there it was. The reason you would never back down or admit defeat. There was no point. He didn’t view you in any other light other than that of a casual friendship.

“Well, Tooru,” you shrugged, “That’s exactly why I’m ignoring you.”

You didn’t know why the words tumbled out in that manner; clumsy, as though your mouth was filled with cotton wool and silk, tumbling out in organised chaos that caused him to straighten up as he knitted his eyebrows together.

“What’s that meant to mean?”

“You’re meant to be smart. Figure it out.”

It wasn’t surrendering; it was admitting there was nowhere to escape anymore. (There was a difference, honest.)

♥

Tooru 4:56am (Y/N). I got it.

You 4:57am tooru i love u and everything but can u not … text me at 4, nearly 5am i just missed 4 minutes of valuable sleeping time there.

Tooru 4:57am That’s it, isn’t it though, (Y/N)?

You 4:57am no riddles at this hour pls Idk what you’re talking about lmao sorry

Tooru 4:58am ‘tooru i love u and everything’ That’s it isn’t it~ The great (Y/N) loves me!

You 5:00am … lol i wish i didn’t tbh i mean it’s YOU

Tooru 5:00am ;; but for the record… ily2

You 5:01am ...as a friend.

Tooru 5:01am No-- What’s that quote by your favourite band, (Y/N)? ‘Take a chance on me’?

You 5:02am TOORU IT IS 5AM YOU DID NOT JUST ABBA ME AT 5AM. I BET YOU STAYED UP ALL NIGHT PREPARING THIS I HAte LOVE YOU

Tooru 5:02am So… What do you say!!

You 5:03am ...how could i ever refuse? I feel like i win when i lose- 😳😳😔✊

♥

Perhaps to surrender wasn’t that bad afterall.

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 42 - 43

I AM ACTUALLY SPEECHLESS HOLY FUCKING SHIT

Manon Blackbeak cracked open eyelids that were too heavy, too burning, and squinted against the flickering lantern light that swayed upon the wood panels of the room in which she lay.

HHHH I’VE BEEN DREADING THIS. Please kiss the Manon we know goodbye, because we’re likely gonna never see her again after this chapter.

[Manon] bolted upright. Abraxos. Where was Abraxos—

Unghhh their relationship is too pure and wholesome for this shitty novel. I seriously want Manon to leave this series and go to HTTYD, it’s what she deserves.

(...) the chains now around Manon’s wrists, around her ankles—anchored into the walls with what appeared to be freshly drilled holes.

FRESHLY DRILLED HOLES. What did they use to drill those holes? Don’t tell me they popped down to Home Depot and picked up a brand new screw gun I am l aughing

Alien is there and already I’m seeing red please SJM i am begging u keep Alien’s crusty ass 100000 miles away from Manon

[Aelin] jerked her chin toward the floor. A pitcher and cup lay there. “Water’s next to the bed. If you can reach it.”

YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE YOU’RE GOING TO LET MANON DIE OF HYDRATION IF SHE CAN’T REACH THE WATER?? FUCK YOU, ALIEN, YOU MASSIVE PIECE OF SHIT.

And as it turns out, Manon can’t reach the water and passes out soon afterwards. Fuck Alien I can’t think of one character I hate more than her fucking selfish ass.

Even unconscious, Manon’s every breath, every twitch, was a reminder that she was a born predator, her agonizingly beautiful face a careful mask to lure the unwary to their doom.

idk this seems weird... Manon is passed out from pain but they’re all splooging over how hot and dangerous she is... idk...

They were nearing Banjali now—and Dorian had tried and failed not to think of his dead friend with every league closer to the lovely city. Tried and failed not to consider if Nehemia would have been with them on this very ship had things not gone so terribly wrong.

*sobs* I miss Nehemia.... she deserved so much better....

“Hello, witchling,” [Dorian] said. [Manon’s] full, sensuous mouth tightened slightly, either in a repressed grimace or smile, he couldn’t tell.

What the fuck is up with SJM making all her men horny for the women’s lips during situations that are in no way sexual?? Like Manon is a prisoner tied up and dying of hydration, why is Dorian thinking about her mouth this is so fucking weird

Dorian didn’t feel like mentioning that he’d been the one who’d jumped into the water [to save Manon]. He’d just … acted, as Manon had acted when she’d saved him in his tower. He owed her nothing less.

Ungh SJM is totally gonna make this a thing ain’t she. Like Dorian is just repaying her here but you know, you just know SJM is gonna use this for them to hook up.

Manon asks Dorian about Elide and the Thirteen and Dorian is like “who the hell are those guys” and Manon gets all sad and I’m :(((((

Whatever had happened, whatever [Manon] had endured … Dorian draped an arm along the back of his chair. “It’s coming in a few minutes. I’d hate for you to waste away into nothing. It’d be a shame to lose the most beautiful woman in the world so soon into her immortal, wicked life.”

Heh, that’s typical Dorian for you. Hey, maybe this ship won’t be so bad! Maybe they’ll become really good supportive friends who bond over all the trauma they went through and-

“I am not a woman,” was all [Manon] said. But hot temper laced those molten gold eyes. [Dorian] gave her an indolent shrug, perhaps only because she was indeed in chains, perhaps because, even though the death she radiated thrilled him, it did not strike a chord of fear. “Witch, woman … as long as the parts that matter are there, what difference does it make?”

WHAT

THE

ACTUAL

FUCK

SJM. ARE YOU EVEN FUCKING KIDDING ME. DO YOU KNOW TRANSGENDER PEOPLE EXIST?? THAT NOT ALL WOMEN HAVE VAGINAS??? ARE YOU FUCKING SAYING TRANS WOMEN ARE LESS OF WOMEN IF THEY DON’T HAVE BREASTS AND VAGINAS??? BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT FUCKING LOOKS LIKE TO ME.

I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE THIS IS IN AN EPIC FANTASY SERIES. SJM WROTE THIS, EDITORS EDITED IT, AND THEN IT WAS PUBLISHED, AND NOBODY THOUGHT “oh hey, the implications of this are reaaaally bad, let’s cut it”

DJFHSJDFHAFJ THIS IS SO BAD THIS IS REALLY REALLY BAD HOLY SHIT I THOUGHT THIS WAS JUST A BOOK WITH SHITTY PLOT AND WRITING AND CHARACTERS BUT NOW WE CAN ADD TRANSPHOBIA TO THE LIST THATS JUST GREAT.

Sorry about that little tangent but my jaw actually hung wide open when I read that line. Holy fucking shit this novel is going to put me in the ground six feet under.

Dorian offered a lazy grin in return. “Believe it or not, this ship has an unnatural number of attractive men and women on board. You’ll fit right in. And fit in with the cranky immortals, I suppose.”

I’m so heartbroken but... I have to disown my baby boy. Dorian was once one of my few favorite characters but SJM has killed him and replaced him with a transphobic asshole. I’m so sorry my baby boy, you flew too close to the sun. You are hereby demoted to Dorito.

Assdion rears his ugly ass head to be rude to Manon and kiss Alien’s ass before leaving. Bye bitch, hope you fall off the ship and drown.

“Then I suppose you and I are both heirs without crowns.”

Remember last time Alien said this and I defended Dorito, saying he deserved his crown? Oh, how I took those earlier chapters for granted......

The rest of the chapter is Manon angsting about all the shit she’s been through lately. Since I like Manon and she has reason to be upset, I don’t have anything to make snarks about so next chapter.

Lorcan was still wondering what the hell he was doing three days later

Oh fucking great, I just witnessed the murder of my son Dorian and now I gotta read in Lorcan’s POV? Just keep kicking me while I’m down why don’t you, SJM.

“It’s going to rain.” [Elide] slid a flat glance at him. “I do know what thunder means.”

Just fucking stop. This isn’t entertaining at all to watch two people bicker and made snarky remarks 100% of the time to one another and yet we’re supposed to believe they’re bonding I want to d ie

“Drink,” Elide commanded him. Lorcan debated telling her not to give him orders, but … he liked seeing this small, fine-boned creature in action.

What the fuck does that mean?? Fine boned?? Is that really a way people describe others???? What the fuck am I reading???

So Lorcan drank and watched [Elide] while she watched others. So many calculating thoughts beneath that pale face, so many lies ready to spill from those rosebud lips.

I’m so tired like. You guys have done nothing but argue and avoid each other and now Lorass is getting horny at the sight of Elide’s lips I’m so tired.

[Elide] was going to leave. Tomorrow, whenever the carnival rolled out. She’d likely hire one of these boats to take her northward, and [Lorcan] … he would go south. To Morath.

:(( the girl I emotionally abuse is going to leave after we both lied to one another :((( this is so sad can we get 100 likes

Elide talks to some people inside a tavern about Alien.

“Seems like the queen has a habit of showing up where she’s least expected, unleashing chaos, and vanishing again.

FINISH HER

Elide walked out of the third tavern, Lorcan on her heels. They hadn’t spoken once since she’d gone into that first inn. He’d been too lost in contemplating what it would be like to suddenly travel on his own again. To leave her … and never see her again.

I am utterly baffled you two have been nothing but assholes to each other!!! Like seriously you haven’t done anything nice for each other!!! Like wtf SJM is trying make us all :’((( about them splitting up but I can’t wait until this stupid subplot ends!

Elide reveals she can’t read to Lorass and he tries to compliment her, but...?

He wondered if he would have ever noticed if she hadn’t told him. “You seem to have survived rather impressively without it.”

I mean, good on him for not judging her, but like, she was locked up in a tower doing maid work? Reading skills really wouldn’t have made much of a difference there.

Turns out their carnival co workers ratted them out and sent guards after them. Lorass hauls Elide over his shoulder and makes a run for it.

“The gates at the city entrance,” [Elide] gasped as muscle and bone pummeled into her gut. “They’ll be there, too.”

Holy shit that sounds painful. She’s not a sack of potatoes Lorass, try some gentleness.

Lorcan pocketed the axe he’d thumbed free

You literally just took out your axe like two paragraphs ago on the same page. What was the point of this?

They find some rando and force him to get them the hell out of dodge on his boat. Elide hears a splash but doesn’t think anything of it until she sees Lorass again.

[Elide] glanced at the hatchet at [Lorcan’s] side as he strode out of the cabin. “You killed him, didn’t you?” That was what the splash had been. A body being dumped over the side.

So, just to recap, according to Lorass.... killing an innocent man who helped you escape the guards; completely justifiable. Stealing something you suspect is bad from a woman you don’t even like; evil, unacceptable, crossing a line. 

“He might have had a family depending on him.” [Elide]’d seen no wedding ring, but it didn’t mean anything.

I was about to get tilted but SJM corrected herself. I hate the mentality that if you don’t have a spouse, you clearly can’t have a family who depends on you. Kids from previous relationships, parents, grandparents, siblings, they’re family too y’know.

Lorass finds out the Wyrdkey he carried is a fake and loses his shit.

Then Lorcan flung open the door, so violently it nearly ripped off its hinges, and hurled what looked to be the shards of a broken amulet into the river. Or he tried to. Lorcan threw it hard enough that it cleared the river entirely and slammed into a tree, gouging out a chunk of wood.

I enjoy his misery tbh. Lorass is so pissy he reveals to Elide that Alien was Celaena, or as I like to call her Celery, at one point.

“You knew, and you didn’t tell me. Why?” “You still haven’t told me your secrets. I don’t see why I should tell all of mine, either.”

I mean, yeah, hate to agree with Lorass but fair enough. You’ve both done nothing but lie to each other’s faces, why would he tell you that? I want to like Elide but all this shitty drama and bickering is making my affection for her wear thin.

Then - holy fucking shit, there’s like a bunch of huuuuuuge paragraphs of Lorass and Elide bickering and they’re so fucking big. This hurts my eyes to look at. I’m gonna screencap one of them, just to show you how fucking huge they are.

HOLY SHIT SJM BREAK UP YOUR BIG ASS BRICKS OF TEXT PLEASE. My eyes started to cross trying to read this, it took me like three tries.

tl;dr because of some bullshit Lorass is staying with Elide because they both have business with Alien. Fuckin’ great, I love everyone’s agendas revolving around the main special snowflake, just fuckin’ great.

There’d been nothing inside the amulet but one of those rings—an utterly useless Wyrdstone ring, wrapped in a bit of parchment. And on it was written in a feminine scrawl: Here’s hoping you discover more creative terms than “bitch” to call me when you find this. With all my love, A.A.G.

Maybe I’d find this amusing if Alien wasn’t a walking shitstain, but... I’m tired. I’m so goddamn tired.

[Lorcan]’d kill [Aelin]. Slowly. Creatively.

Damn wish you would fam, but Alien’s got plot armor bigger than her fuckin’ ego. Lorass ends the chapter by saying he’ll kill Alien, which we all know won’t happen. I’m betting money that there’ll probably be a Lorass/Rowboat/Alien love triangle once Lorass sees what an ~uhmazing~ queen Alien is. Don’t give me that look, you know SJM would.

[weirdpolis]

Fandom meme

tagged by @filigranka and @ysraellaleostwald - thanks!

Rules: Choose any three fandoms (in any order), answer the questions and tag 10 people.

tagging: @septembersung, @shewhodoesnotexist, @lightningale, @mariacharlet, @redhatmeg, @who-honor-idk, @theadventuresofacatholicnerdling, @2theheights, @itspileofgoodthings,

My chosen 3 fandoms:

1. Star Wars

2. Fullmetal Alchemist - Brotherhood and manga.

3. Avatar: the Last Airbender

The first character you loved:

1. Obi Wan Kenobi. In the New Hope, which I’ve seen first, he was this old wise man, tad bit a mystery, and emanating badassery, but also with a whimsical sense of humor, and lots of empathy. He got my respect and was my fave through this movie, which I don’t like that much otherwise, and I only grew more attached to him in the next movies. And then the Phantom Menance happened, and he got the face of  young Ewan McGregor, and it was literally love at first sight. I re-watch Prequel Trilogy just for him, hng...

2. Maes Hughes. This is why I’m cynical about my fave characters.

3. Prince Zuko. I decided to watch Avatar only because I heard he’s got an exquisite character arc, thus I was focusing on him from the begining - and it was the only thing that took me through the otter penguins and stuff, because I was way too old to enjoy it otherwise.

The character you never expected to love so much:

1. ugh, Hux. I’m really side-eyeing myself for this one, as I cringe every time at his speach and the pure hatred oozing from it. I didn’t expect to have any opinion about him at all - I was just “oh, hey, that’s Domhnall! he’s such a great actor! Let’s study every second of his acting.” Then there were jokes about him and Kylo wyying for power and approval from Snoke like two entitled children. And then there were all the meta and background info, and fandoom headcanons, and storytelling excercisses in heel-face turns and redemption possibilities (for the guy who blew up five planets and billions of people/aliens, *side-eyeing myself again*) and AUs... and now here I am, in the pit of doom, very much aware that the version of Hux I’m so obssesed with doesn’t even exist in canon.

2. Roy Mustang. I’m still cackling whenever I think about his early appearances in the Brotherhood. Look, they say he’s competent and he’s boosting about his powerfull flame alchemy, but he fails to use it! he’s constantly either wet or useless, and ends up looking like a fool. And then there’s Maria Ross incident - of all times you’d wish his flames failed! And so he prooves himself to be an angry idiot and a total bastard. Couple episodes later you mutter ‘bastard’ at him in totally different tone. At the end of the series you are rooting for him to become the ruler of the entire country, because he’s the only one with moral ideals and a necessary conscience. Also lots of angst. But really why I love him so much, is exactly because of those dumb moments at the begining and later on - he tries and fails and struggles on his path, because there’s no road map on how to redeem yourself and fix the country, and that’s so f relatable.

3. Pretty much everyone besides Zuko - I really did not expect this cartoon to be so good character- and story-wise, I thought I’d care only about Zuko, and even with him I didn’t fathom the extent of love I ended up giving him.

The character you relate to most:

1. Really, it’s R2D2 and BB8. Sometimes all I’m capable of are *sad beep noises* and arson.

2. In all honesty - Sheska.

3. Suki. It’s the way she speaks with pride about their culture, the obvious care she has for people - and the “answer now, or we will feed you to the Unagi!”

The character you’d slap:

1. After the Last Jedi, nearly everyone. But the director the most.

2.  You know, the villians of course and half of cast here and there too. Ed and Al for rushing into things and failling to talk about feelings, Hohenhaim for parenting, Roy for being occasionally dumb, Maes for not making notes. Isaac McDougall for not talking in a more straightforward manner. For Shou I’d borrow the mechanical arm from Ed.

3. besides villians, I dread to admit this but Aang. I know, he’s a traumatized 11 yo with huuuuge responsibility on his shoulders and really all around loving and compasionate character. It’s just I often don’t like protagonists just for how the story focuses on them, and the combination of Aang’s immaturity, temper (he does get angry quite a bit), and rather clumsily executed love arc with Katara, annoys me and I want to shake him like “get a grip, man!”  

Three favourite characters (in order of preference):

1. Obi Wan Kenobi. Luke Skywalker. Chewbacca. R2D2. Darth Vader. Princess Leia Organa. Ewoks. Huge black hole. and then Hux. BB8. Rey. Poe Dameron still. Kylo is sneaking on me, will see.

2. Roy Mustang. Ling Yao. Riza Hawkeye. Maes Hughes. Scar. Miles. Olivier Mira Armstrong. Lan Fan. Izumi Curtis and hubby. Alex Armstrong. Greedo, Marcoh, chimeras, the list just goes on...

3. Zuko. Suki. Mai. Sokka. Kyoshi. Toph. Iroh. Piandao. Hakoda. Ty Lee. Azula. Teo. June. Longshot. I’m forgetting someone...

A character you liked at first but don’t anymore:

1. Poe Dameron, sigh. After TFA Poe was really close to being my fave character of the newbies. I liked his not so overt sass, his confidence, without being cocky about it, his joy at flying, but also his calm and competence when it came to fulfilling the mission. And his easy going manner and friendliness. He was well balanced and quite unique of a character. But the Last Jedi took him in the direction of a “lovable” cock-sure pistol, and I’m just not charmed anymore. At least there’s still this:

2. I don’t think anyone got a fall from grace, even King Bradley still has some of my respect, tho the nature of it changed.

3. Again, I can’t think of anyone who’d lost my sympathy. 

A character you did not like at first but do now:

1. Luke Skywalker (tho “now” was before the Last Jedi assasinated him). It’s histerical, Luke annoyed the heck out of me in the New Hope, and is still whenever I watch this part. He’s so naive, and inexperienced, and eager, and wannabe-heroic, and pretty much everything I dislike about most protagonists. And then during ESB I got gradually invested in him, and then they cut his arm off, and I was in love in a second. And then he became wise in the RotJ, and I just love him a lot.

2. Scar. He was mostly a terror to be feared and a merciless killer - until he wasn’t. The more you know about him, the more human he becomes, and you wish him some peace and redemption and a kitten for company. I mean, panda.

3. Sokka. Ho boy, how did he annoy me at first, with his sexism, and bragging, and stupid comments. But then he got character growth, and became the strategist mastermind and often the voice of reason, not losing any of his comedic potential, and I love him. 

Three OTPs:

Most of the time I don’t ship characters, but I love the dynamics between Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye, the Curtis couple, Ling Yao/Lan Fan, also Zuko/Mai, and Sokka/Suki pairings.

[athleisure-aesthetic]

Workouts and Basketball

Ugh I’ve been so bad at tracking this week. So now I’m gonna try to do a recap. Lolz.

March 10 Friday we went out to dinner for Ani’s birthday and I didn’t work out because I came home early to hang out with people. The Nova game was on before we went, so we made some amazing spinach artichoke dip and proceeded to eat most of it out of stress bc that game was legitimately awful. We somehow pulled out the win even though Seton Hall totally deserved to win lol. But it’s ok because the dinner afterwards made everything better - they had alcoholic milkshakes, so essentially I died and went to heaven.

March 11 T slept over and bc she’s a freaking nut, she convinced us all to wake up super early before Erin’s and do a round of Speed 2.0 T25. Poor Mikey did it with no shoes and that’s easily the worst one on your feet and knees even if you have the CORRECT shoes. Woof he was a mess that day. We got to our pregame and left an hour later after chomping on mims and pannies (mimosas and pancakes) and jamming to Galway Girl. When we got to 30th, it was so freezing you couldn’t feel your face, so we tried to scurry from bar to bar to limit our outdoor exposure. We ended the day exhausted with Wendy’s and Wawa, which is really the proper way to conclude your day drinking. Thankfully the Nova game was much less painful to watch and we won the Big East Tournament 🙌🏼 bless.

March 12 Lazy Sundays are the best, but I had a benchmark run to do, so I got out there and fought off the cold at the pier. Fortunately it was a pretty day!  It was also Selection Sunday, aka the day everybody starts really loving college basketball even if they’ve never really watched.  Villanova came out on the very top for the first time ever, which is a pretty badass thing to do the year right after a championship.  Go.  Cats.

1.55 mi 9′48″ min / mi

March 13 Monday I left work a little early because of the impending doom of the Nor'easter on Tuesday, but I had a recovery run to do.  I finished again on the pier, and took a cool down jog around the block to get that pic of the waters before the storm.  My selfie is my face despite my boobs hurting because of how cold it was when I stopped running.  Woof indeed.  I like that I’m not tied to tracking every time I run though, because I ran back home as well without putting it on the Nike app.  #fit for the sake of being #fit.  But also because when I was walking back to the bridge, I got a snowflake in my eye and I was like oh, time to go back I guess.

2.01 mi (but like probably more) 9′27″ min / mi

March 14 Next to nothing to report.  I worked from home, made those beautiful pancakes, and gave up on work midday to beat Bioshock 2.  Spoiler, the first Bioshock has a better ending and better story.  I’m partial to that one, sorry.  I barely took 1,400 steps the whole day and did not leave the apartment.  It was a disgusting mess outside so.  I didn’t feel that bad about it.

March 15 I had a Nike Training Club workout on the way, so I brought my sneaks to work to do a workout in our gym.  Wore the black Nike Flex 2016s for the first time in a while, and when I did a bit of a warmup on the treadmill, I was like holy shit, now I understand why going to a running store to get fitted is actually super helpful.  Those shoes hurt my feet and did not support me whatsoever after wearing the Brooks’ for a few weeks.  Damn.  Shoes make all the difference.  Instead of focusing on cardio, I did some shoulder / arms work for a bit before getting into the NTC workout.  Unfortunately, my half marathon plan thought I needed a slow boring stretching workout, so that’s what was on the docket.  I finished barely sweating.  Blech.  Sometimes I hate working out in a gym because I feel like I’m wasting my time.  I need to find time efficient circuits so I don’t feel like I’m not getting enough done.  My arms looked big af and not in a good way, but I liked the shirt I was wearing so meh.  Progress pics amirite.

When I got home, Ani and I decided to make a post-it note bracket on our wall in our kitchen so we did that while I ate that beautiful salad.  Cats all the way, obviously.  And we really just love Northwestern’s story so we love them a lot too.

March 16 The madness begins!!  Clearly I was mostly preoccupied with games all day at work.  I even ran my longest run on the treadmill for the first time in a while (!) without headphones (!!!!) so I could flip between games on the tv. The first mile recently has sucked for me - sometimes my heels hurt, sometimes it’s my shins, sometimes it’s my ankles.  Yesterday it was my left shin and my right heel.  But then it goes away once I run for a little while longer.  Wtf.  I make sure to stretch all the things after each run, so what am I doing wrong?  I wonder if my form is wrong somehow.  Like I know I’m a heel-toe runner, which isn’t great, but like most people run that way and I’ve never had problems like this before when I like actually ran more so what is going on.  I know I should probably build up my leg strength and lose some weight to help the pressure, but like.  I do that by running and putting pressure on it.  SO.  Idk.  I pushed past what I was supposed to do and ran a 5K just because I was feeling it.  Endorphins were kicking in which was awesome, since I definitely felt like I could go for longer if there wasn’t a guy waiting for me to get off :/ that’s the other thing that sucks about gyms.  You gotta be like courteous and stuff.  Can’t wait for my goddamn gym in my building to be finished!!!!!  Even though they said it was supposed to be done when we moved in (October) and they just started working on it a few weeks ago (March).  Bye apartment building management.  You blow harder than Villanova in the first half yesterday.  Good thing we came out on top bc we’re a second half team and Jay must’ve screamed their ears off at halftime.

3.31 mi 9′30″ min /mi

This post was a clusterfuck.  Oh well.  I’m bored at work bc half my team isn’t here and basketball isn’t on yet.  Once again, go cats.

[thegeminisage]

more botw blogging, SUPER spoilery

this is a real long post sorry normally i break these up and this time i didn’t

and finally, off we go to a new province

this time im making its tower my first stop, since i can see it from here

i tried to paraglide across the river but i didn't have enough height so i landed on the cliffside and ITS RAINING!!!!! for fucks sake

i cant believe this game actually got me to hate rain..........

not only that but when i died in the water it didn't reload me back to where i started to glide from but a bit of cliff i stood on lol so #struggles right from the first minute

rain for the next 3 hours.......and i gotta climb it in the rain....jesus

i guess i could fast travel but i'd have to walk all the way back there :/

hmm. maybe the gae's throwing me the rain on purpose. an npc mentioned this river was notoriously difficult to cross :///

yep as soon as i turned away: it cleared. Great

well i see some bridge-like things further downstream i guess i'll check that out

lol jk i managed to glide across a different part and climb

like i saw my forecast change but then it changed back to sun so w/e i'll take it im up here now

aaaaah i can see so many cool things from here!!!!! i cant wait to explore them all!!!! that #new province feel

i hate like, feeling obligated to track down every last bit of stuff in the old ones when you're seeing new exciting stuff

but i love the feel of getting to a new one and not even knowing which cool thing to check out first

ohhh my god lol there's a big-ass bokoblin camp on the way to the tower i think i see a moblin but im not sure

aaaand im dead

at least there werernt any moblins!

tbh it isnt a difficult camp i just wasnt vigilant about healing

me every time i see something new: what the Fuck is that!?

in this case it was an ice wizzrobe which made it snow EVERYWHERE oh my god

That Was Difficult

if i didn't have my fire arrows and lynel bow it would have taken way longer

i died again!!!

those weird pattern bokoblins have SO much attack power ):

come on i have to clear out the camp AGAIN? and kill the wizzrobe?

naw dude i am skipping this nonsense i am going straight up the fucking cliff

HA i sniped them from above >:3

w

there's a zora on top of this tower!!!!!!!

omg poor thing he can't get back down i wish i could carry him on my paraglider

man i love the tower cutscenes and music and the way they unfold it's so cool

BIG SHINY NEW PROVINCE YYYYEAH!!!!

oh hey i found another zora down near these bridges

they all want me to go see their prince haha noooo i have too much to explore!!!

oooh it's so easy to get all turned around on these bridge thingies

man i love this province it's SO pretty

ah i found a goron on a sandbar!! how did you get out here with all this water...

nooo the blood moon again i knew it was coming the music has been funny all night >:(

lol jk the music faked me out its 2am and i warped to the stable for nothing (i was trying to get that one dude's reaction)

i came back and did the shrine and found another zora!! lol they all really want me to go see that dude

there's a thing i need to climb but ugh rain

while i was bored i chopped grass and attached octo balloons to things

now i am in the wetlands which are AWFUL to walk through i can practically feel the mud squishing between my toes and i want to die lmao

there are horses here!! i miss mine ):

ive done enough shrines now to get another upgrade but i dont feel like doing all that backtracking blegh

oh noooo i see a guardian out here, a moving one ;_;

ah it's been awhile since i failed to fight the still ones on the plateau...i wonder what the start screen meant by "the right tools" ive got a lot of damn tools!! did they mean arrows??

lol yet another zora telling me to meet with the prince.........dude

this prince must be either desperate or spoiled

uh

okay maybe its a glitch but i think?? i see?? a flying island in the distance? What The Fuck

wait no it looks kind of like a ship or giant bird??

my pins don't stick to it, it's definitely moving around

jesus fuck

AHAHAH FUCK THE GUARDIAN SAW ME

HAD TO TAKE REFUSE IN THE FUCKING SHRINE

jesus christ i hate those things!!!! you can't kill them!!!!!!!

NO oh my god there's a hinox over here too

why this Why This

lol the hinox fighting music is giving me trauma flashbacks

actually that wasnt so bad with a defense elixir on

maybe it's just me but this province feels kinda small? i feel like i could finish exploring it p quickly, which is nice

not that i'm not having fun but i know i'm going so slowly ):

me every five seconds: i miss my hooorse i want one to ride around to go faaaaster

i guess...i could catch...one of these

and like. not register it bc the stable is 10000 miles away but

a temp ride. let's see if i can. need to use up some of my sneak potions anyways

i caught one and rode it awhile, but my heart's not in training it...i want My Horse

oh my god wait i hear town music!! is this a stable right here!! AAAAAH

so i did catch a pretty black one and named it luna - had to let the first one i caught go lol but it didn't have great stats and i only rode it once so it'll be happier in the wild probably

KASS IS AT THIS STABLE IM SO HAPPY SO IS HESTU

he's playing epona's song i'm gonna CRY

I MISS EPONA IM DYING

oh my god he had a story for me!! the same one that impa told!!!!! man

the music is still so good. fuck.

lmao i was talking to one dude and he was like well might as well head back inside ugh that place is so filthy and the women so free you might as well call it a manfill

UM?? NINTENDO??

i can see hyrule castle super close from where i am and it looks super scary and i super want nothing to do with it rn

i get the feeling you can like, go in there whenever? maybe even do the endgame stuff early? but oh my god i Dont wanna

OMG i just mounted a bear

i read that you could ride things other than horses but holy shit lmao

i mean

it killed me after i got off, but man

sadly i must now board my horse and continue with The Story see i explored the non-story bits of that province SUPER quickly dang

oh no

this shrine is called a minor test of strength

Oh No

Why, God

oh. that was actually like SUPER easy compared to the other two haha phew

this lady at the crossroads said the prince was creepy omg i knew there was something, ahaha, excuse me, "fishy"

whoa i love his music theme!!

lmao i always get so SHOCKED when they talk!!! even still!!!!!

voice acted cutscenes of this game are like fmvs of final fantasy games in generations 5-7 lol

oh my god...the wink/sparkle thing...he's such a HAM

he's flattering me TOO much omg dude what do you want.......

ok, ok, i like him

he doesn't seem very trustworthy but since his people are in trouble i'll cut him some slack on that one

oh nooo i gotta climb this in the rain......

ah, it's sunshowering tho! that's kinda neat

i just got attacked by octoroks and my heart wept a little because traveling up zora's river dodging octoroks to get to and save zora's domain...I've Been Here Before

listen, i could write a book on this

(lol i did write 300k on this but shhh that was a long time ago)

like...if link is actually a reincarnation does he get flashes of memory

oot happened in every timeline but i know wind waker didn't

but do you think assuming this is in the same timeline as wind waker something in him feels at home the first time he sails a raft again

or hears kass play epona's song at the ranch

or ducks an octorok on his way to zora's domain

people treat the incarnation thing as a kind of tragedy - the world will never be free of evil so long as ganon/ganondorf exists

but maybe there's happiness in it too

no matter what happens, no matter how sad the ending - i mean hell, in this very game, link and zelda LOST

no matter what though, it's guaranteed that they'll see each other again

over and over and over without end, link and zelda are gonna meet and be together for awhile while they defend hyrule again

frankly if that's not a soulmate idk what is

and frankly i'm perpetually offended that they don't develop ganondorf the man more like they did in wind waker...that was the Peak tbqh

i would kill for something like that again

anyway

i love how present the current here is, like with the stuff floating down the river, thats a NICE touch

tbh it's actually really nice that he keeps uselessly checking on me on the way up the river

like, i've been so lonely

even now i miss my companion going "what's WITH that guy" like they probably would if i had one

so this is nice. tbh.

i know it was probably a deliberate choice and makes the game stronger but a companion for this game, someone to share it with...that would've been cool

even just zelda as the protag, she could do some internal narration

but the whole thing is just so quiet.

this place is so pretty tho?? in the distance i see these like, pink coral looking plant things, and the blue columns and bridges are gorgeous

OH NO LIGHTNING GOD WHY

i think its an area thing too i cant just wait it out lmao im gonna Die

oh jk it's just rain now

idk why my entire forcecast changes to a particular type of weather and its only like that a few seconds...super weird and annoying

lol sidon all "you're almost halfway there i believe in you!!" and not helping fight and link's little "k" wave

i love link as a silent protag even if i did have him talk in my writing like it's so endearing

i wonder if link is like sgr like "i am 100 years old what is this zora kid even doing. what is he EVEN DOING."

lol just had to dodge some rocks rollin down a hill

you see this is what i mean. there's a weird sense of familiarity and nostalgia if you've played the games a lot. i wonder if the spirit of the hero feels that way with each new adventure, too

like if he's okay doomed to an eternity of fighting and parting with zelda over and over

because in the end he always gets to do this again

like i can see the spirit of the princess/goddess being high key miserable about those circumstances but i wonder if the spirit of the hero is maybe secretly glad

because part of him will always yearn for the next adventure

he never COULD be happy settling because this is what he was born for

WE love doing this again and again and again, maybe it's not such a stretch to think the spirit of the hero does too

or maybe i'm projecting so hard onto him because undertale has so successfully blurred the line between the player and the game for me LMAO

oh man i just noticed all the names on this map

lulu, mikau ;_;

i miss them!!!!

just once i wish zelda games would feature the same side characters in two or three titles

we never got to see saria or darunia or lulu again

we get to come back to the world but every friend we've ever made has been gone

like some narnia shit i swear to god

lol this is why i should never do story all i do is rant about My Zelda Feels, which are literally endless

oh NICE battle with a blue moblin on the bridge!!!!

ah i like the zora history here too please give me all the worldbuilding i wanna know everything about this world that i can bc rn all i know is "we got Fucked"

i guess i also know about the automans but i need More

i say, while procrastinating on getting to the story

in other news i have an ice and lightning rod which i havent bothered trying to use

bc when i tried to use the boomerang i failed utterly lol

but these? holy shit dude these are Powerful when you actually land a magic hit like Dang

i Love them im never avoiding another wizzrobe again (thats where they drop from)

oh wow

i finally made it, and

man. oh man. it's so beautiful

i wish i could see if better

jesus the zoras always had the prettiest parts of the games imo

OH NO THE MUSIC

OH NO!!! im gonna cry omg

it's the same melody from oot i think!! oh my god!!!!!!

omg there's a zora here named rivan who says he knows me?!?!

omg no he's listing some of link's old pals from Before im so sad why can't he remember

OOOH i shouldn't speak to the elderly bc apparently i am "guilty" of something?? i love this development PLEASE tell me more

i love that they all age so slowly #nice

am i walking into a fucking execution lmao sidon don't play me......

omg the little zora kids are adorable!!!

omg there's a statue of the zora champion ;_;

man this is all so cool i wanna know EVERYTHING about what happened back then!!!!

lol the shrine here was SUPER nerve wracking god you had to like, roll the giant ball down a hill and stop time at JUST the right moment skjghf

oh my gosh ANOTHER zora who knows me (lol "linny")

im so ;w; they all know me!!!!!!

i slept on the blissful water bed at the inn and was mystified and alarmed by the sound effects but i got an extra stamina wheel and 3 extra hearts!!! god damn you can't beat that shit

im so amazed at how many people knew link and like, blame him? i wanna know so bad what happened, i wanna know more about mipha

ten bucks says she's still alive and like trapped in the divine beast but corrupted

or a ghost or something like the old man ;_;

aww zoras sleep in the water aw aw :3

i'm loving this theme of link sleeping for so long like at first i thought of sgr but i just realized it's also like oot (and i can't believe i didn't make that connection first...)

like in oot the people who knew him Before are so happy to see him again and are sure he can help them

but in this game it's a bit mixed

and in this game we don't know the details of 100 years ago yet ;_;

zora's domain here is like. so GLOWY. reminds me of waterfall from undertale tbh lol i wanna paint it

so i'm talking to the king and this one elderly zora goes "the hylians abused an ancient society's power to turn hyrule into what it is today" & like...tbh my dude you have a point. if they had never gotten those guardians out then they couldn't have turned on them

oh my GOD

i just got my first look at a divine beast and i can't believe i was calling them jaegers

my jaw dropped irl holy shit

like that thing truly looks both divine and beastly (this one is an elephant)

is mipha still in there as like a ghost ;_;

it's so clear how much everyone misses her

and she seemed so sweet in the one short memory i recovered

every time sidon does his sparkle smile i love him a little more

i didn't trust him at first bc he seemed a little too eager but now i see he's just doing his best!!!!

especially as someone who thinks radically and progressively in a society where elders stay around hundreds of years

YESSSSS I GOT ZORA ARMOR!!!! YES!!!!!!!!

SWIM SPEED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omfg and it's an engagement thing just like the sapphire

MADE BY MIPHA?

thats right that other lady said link was supposed to choose between her and mipha

listen mipha seems cool and all but i've been shipping zelink for 19 years, so

oh NO, mipha had feelings for link

oh no poor mipha...oh my god

WAIT AM I ABOUT TO GET ANOTHER MEMORY??? OH MY GOD!!!!!

duuuuuude

"no matter how bad the wound i will ALWAYS" heal you and then link wakes up in water

did she do that!!! did she save him ;_; oh my god im going to cry

"you are quivering like a hatchling" PLEASE protect my poor son

muzu is making me sad dude he misses her so much and he hates this so much

ooooh i have to fight another lynel for shock arrows...good Lord im not looking forward to that

I KNEW IT

"calamity ganon took control of the beasts and trapped the champions inside" yep either she's still alive like link and zelda or her body is in there and so is her fucking ghost

DUDE!! i just swam up my first waterfall and it was AWESOME!!!!!

so im at shatterback point now hwere lynel is just bc i wanted to swim up a waterfall but probably he will kill me quickly lmao

apparently you can mount him too which. sick.

but idk i dont have any good food or elixirs or weapons ready im just up here for science im probably gonna knock off soon i gotta Draw

Oh Fuck There He Is ):

it's super tedious to have top go back and delete every fucking picture i take for my copendium one by one those shouldn't save in my album automatically come on dude im trying to take a picture of this lion centaur thing here

aaah there's a rainbow here too #nice

ah well got him about a quarter pf the way down before i died :/ not bad for being completely unprepared

tbh i only had one defense food?? had i had more i could have whittled him down eventually

anyway thats all for tonight!! i doubt i'll play anymore tonight bc i have drawing to do

lol this is a long post but it's all in one bc i'm typing them in notepad now and don't have to worry about them getting too long

[neven-ebrez]

Hi! Do you really feel that this season is not very deep or "tip of the iceberg" as far as meta material (i.e. your tags about carver era being tip of the iceberg)? Cause as far as what's on my dash, it's been meta after meta after meta, and it all looks diverse and substantial. I was just wondering, what is it that feels different to you? I mean i guess it just depends on personal outlook, i've just been seeing LOADS of stuff.

Pretty much, yeah.  The difference in Dabb era and Carver era is night and day.  And whether you think that’s a good thing or a bad thing is entirely subjective but it most definitely is A THING.  

Season 9, in particular, represents a stark structural contrast to the hot thematic mess of season 12.  In season 9 one theme informed the other, which reflected another, which was given several beautiful visual short-hands, which all unfolded like flower in the morning sun.  I may not have *enjoyed* the smell of said flower (because I’m a bitter Cas fan that is also 1000% done with the Dean tragedy narrative), but to say that it wasn’t a work of art would be an understatement.  Season 12 on the other hand… it feels like season 5 trying to be like season 1 or something.  Going back to Carver era, Amara, visually and symbolically, stood for something in the structure: Dean becoming an adult too fast and the collateral damage the Dean/Sam relationship produces when you only truly care about one person, among other things…  The British Men of Letters?  Lucifer in season 12?  They really don’t symbolize into anything concrete as outlined by the narrative.  They aren’t painting a greater picture of a conflict within our characters (like how S9 dealt with Angels and illustrating Cas’ journey through Hannah into S10).  They are simply there because the story needs some kinda of conflict.  Sam and Dean aren’t currently being given any tension or “problems” with each other, so the antagonists are just *there* reflecting nothing deeper at all.  Sam doesn’t have a plot.  Cas doesn’t have a plot (we can’t even count Lucifer here because the honor of dispatching him went to Sam, who hasn’t had a B plot  with him since 11x09).  Much like Cas, Crowley is vaguely just there, not really worried about Hell, despite it still being shown that demons don’t see him as in charge anymore.  In fact, Dean is the only one with a B plot to another character, that character being Mary.  Sam and Cas are instead regaled to being support for this plot.

Conversely, everyone had their own B plot in season 9.  We saw Cas struggling with his place and that was informed by Dean kicking him out of the bunker due to how we are shown Dean will always put Sam’s life first, regardless of how it damages himself.  Crowley’s arc fed the greater addiction arc and also how Cas struggles with being in the between as well.  All this also reflected the civil wars that went on in Heaven and Hell.  See what I mean?  Every theme and character informs the next, a funhouse of mirrors.  Season 12 has none of that.  The only person driving the story is, well… Mary.  She gives Dean a B plot (but not Sam for some reason) and the theme of “questionable parenting” is the only theme that is really present in all of the 8 episodes thus far.  Lady Toni is given a child and we see her caring side wrapped up in her cold and dignified ruthlessness.  We see the split in her priorities, and she chooses the job first and foremost, otherwise she’d be at home.  We see the John Winchester mirror from 12x03, yet we do not see Mary face this reality in her own sons, the results of such parenting.  Mary then leaves and we see bad parenting again for 12x04 (it is here that you’ll have to forgive me because I really haven’t been paying attention to names this season since noticing the difference in structure).  This time it’s a mirror for the damage done to Sam, a psychic child.  The narrative again hangs John Winchester out to dry but doesn’t make Mary face reality.  How can it with her offscreen?  The next episode also deals in bloodlines and carrying evil.  A descendant of Hitler is needed to bring Hilter back (and omg I was so distracted by the horrible back and forth sway to the camera in several key scenes that I honestly can’t remember what most of this episode detailed, sorry).  At minimum, there’s something about a fate bound by blood that you don’t want there.  So that’s one bad parenting theme for Dean and two for Sam.  We then get to 12x06 and see twins born into the hunting life.  Their father is now dead but they now have the opportunity to bond with a new female family member, one who hated the hunting life but came to respect its calling.  Mary is both in this episode and and present throughout in its themes.  Even when she left the life, she didn’t leave.  She learned to make a life anyway and that it eventually landed in her death, leaving behind two children who become hunters.  This all serves into Dean’s worry over Mary as well.  Dean is worried that Mary will die, as the episode reminds us that all hunters are eventually killed by the life and that even when some learn to have happiness while still hunting, they are all still doomed to this fate.  The title for most well structured episode in Dabb era goes to 12x06 by a mile.  Then we move onto 12x07 and the theme is dropped, unless you want to count Lucifer talking about God’s parenting for a few seconds.  The Lucifer plot, from what I can see up to this point, only exists to explaining the contractual absence of Misha and Mark.  Lucifer is doing stuff just to be doing stuff and it really doesn’t fit anywhere for any good reason.  Then we move onto 12x08 and he finally fits back in as we are back to the parenting plot.  Lucifer, to keep his cover as president and instead of simply giving his assistant implanted sex memories, rapes said assistant and fathers a nephilim with her.  This in itself doesn’t really fit into Mary or John’s parenting history, but it does run along the theme of parenting in general.   And throughout all of this Mary does not once, NOT ONCE, textually confront how John’s parenting messed up Sam or Dean.  Thus, the theme goes literally nowhere and seemingly only exists to tell us what we already know about John.  This might change?  I don’t know?  But so far the season is mostly just a structural wash with its one and only B plot not coming to a head at all.  I’m honestly at a loss.  To be fair, the season ain’t even halfway through yet so my opinion on the structure could easily improve.  It’s just you normally shift beats midseason, text or no text, and Dabb seems to definitely be moving at a different showrunning pace than his predecessors. 

Now… can you write meta on any of the material from this season?  Sure, if you wanna beat the dead “John Winchester sucks” (and the hunting life sucks) horse some more.  Can you write meaningful flowing structural meta on it?   Nah, bruh.  There’s no compound structural foreshadowing that you can write on it at all.  I could not have told you the outcome of 12x08 if I tried this year, not like I called the midseason of S9 from several episodes back.  I suppose there might be a disconnect here with me also for what gets the term “meta”.  I actually can’t tell you the last time I saw or read a honest to Chuck meta essay on the show (because I’m old school meta community and don’t count discussion pieces).  Those to me are simply meandering discussions.  "Meta" to me is essay writing: choosing a solid topic and exploring the topic - writing about its different angles and having some sort of cohesiveness about it that stands on its own.  What a lot of people call “meta” these days doesn’t pass as meta by my understanding of the term when I entered into fandom.  And there’s certainly no one writing structural meta that I’ve seen.  Fluttie wrote season 7 structural meta, Sarah wrote season 8, and I wrote season 9.  I don’t know if anyone wrote anything on seasons 10 or 11 ( @dustydreamsanddirtyscars maybe?  I know Jenny’s wrote a lot of smaller meta pieces on Carver era as a whole), but a piece could be wrote on it… unlike with season 12.  That could change, however, if the parenting theme is brought into text, with Mary confronting and acknowledging John’s bad parenting (and her own unintended absent in facilitating said outcome or guilt therein) in a way that informs Dean’s repression in particular, but as things currently stand I wouldn’t count on it.  The mirrors are too weak and don’t tackle the central issue, just kinda dance around it. 

In Dabb’s defense, Carver has had way more time to tell his story.  Against Dabb tho, it seems Carver always kinda knew what story he wanted to tell. Dabb is almost running this thing like he has no idea what comes next.  And not in the way like how Carver wasn’t sure if Abaddon would possess Dean or if Dean himself would become a demon at the end of season 9, a decision you could tell was made late, but all the while it could be seen that both options were on the table.  Not knowing the route is not the same as not knowing the destination.  And I don’t think Dabb knows his own destination (and with talking to Berens briefly at Burcon this suspicion has only been compounded in my mind).  Up until the Nephilim plot, I thought the general destination was to have Lucifer possess Mary but now that option seems off the table (although I could have sworn I’ve heard Lucifer spoilers for later on in the season?).  And while I can definitely appreciate the dialing back of the world affecting mythos (YMMV), Dabb era has not been (structurally speaking) what I expected at all, especially since Dabb’s episodes under Carver always illustrated Carver’s structure so damn well (forever laughing over 9x20 tbh).  

Carver era felt like it made every move count.  Almost every pop culture reference informed a theme, every “C” plot character (even Cas and Crowley) became a mirror that told one cohesive story in which everyone was involved in. Dabb era?  Not so much.  Or idk… maybe it only seems that way because there’s no meta writer (that I know of) keeping track of it all and documenting it (that I’ve seen) in essay form.  I’m usually still pretty good at seeing it though (even when it’s something I don’t like), and I just don’t see it as things stand.  In fact, the only pop culture reference that has even stuck with me is the whole Beyonce and Agent Z thing, to illustrate Crowley and Cas’ antagonism towards one another.  Also, notably, there is the matter of Wanek’s absence for a good chunk of S12.  While his staff more or less continued with the general look of the show (doing Lucifer 5x16 visual call backs in 12x07 for example), his absence has marked a striking shift in the show’s structural presentation.  I’d say the Destiel B plot has particularly suffered, but tbh, there is currently no Destiel B plot (you can squint and Dean’s annoyance over Cas and Crowley working together maybe counts for .2 seconds and sure they are being defined as a definite team, there are no interspecies or same sex mirrors in sight telling their story).  Just like there is no Dean and Sam B plot for that matter.  A lot of the show’s visual subtext comes from transcribing the key themes between Dean/Sam and Dean/Cas, and without said themes present, there’s just nothing to work with honestly.  You’d think there would be some Dean/Mary stuff to make up for it (besides the pie stuff shifting from a Cas theme to a wholesome family theme I got nothing) but nah (or maybe I’m wrong?  I honestly don’t follow a lot of meta writers anymore because a good deal of them just too willingly disregard the shows more glaring problems or they are otherwise imo too optimistic in their approach to how the show will handle the repression of Dean Winchester as the plot point relates to both him and others for my personal tastes).  

I hope I’ve illustrated my point clearly enough, but I’m kinda rusty with even talking about these kinds of things.  My blog is not really a meta blog at all anymore (and honestly, thank Chuck because I would have nothing but the above criticisms all season long about the structure of the season).  And despite the above criticisms, I actually have enjoyed the season quite a lot (with the exception of 12x05) so I haven’t really felt the need to point out all the structural stuff on a regular basis!  But yeah… there’s just no definitive structure to it and the one theme that is mostly present (the results of absent or bad parenting) is just something that I feel has been talked to death even if it’s through a fresher lens (Mary’s POV in the future) than most.