#I'll probably delete this idk

[doodlewolfie]

Time to look up art of The Character. Oh. I see. It appears that people have been interpreting their relationship and normal platonic interactions with their friend of the opposite gender as romantic, despite the fact that The Character was under the impression that their partner of the same gender was not only alive, but also in the same room as them during all of the moments that people claim were flirting. Huh. That is fine. That is totally okay. They are just fictional characters after all, haha. I can respect other people's ships because they are just fictional characters, and it does not matter if it reenforces the view that male/female friendships are unable to be simply platonic, even if there is no reason to believe that they are, and entirely disregard the confirmed relationships of the characters involved so that they can fit the narrative that the two cannot simply be friends. This is a totally okay thing that I am cool with.

oh look now they're shipping thr one guy and his sister because they have a normal sibling relationship

[mariusrenathyrs-crashout]

#going back to my 'marius' vampirism is a metaphor for the lasting trauma of sexual abuse' idea#marius is my roman empire

So I did a funny joke post about Marius and this was one of the tags left on it and I'm so sorry prev but you've activated my trap card because I've thought so much about this topic, but have felt too afraid to talk about it unprompted lol. But I am going to spew my guts about how I feel about this symbolism so cw for talks about SA and victim blaming. Cause I have for sure thought about this a lot and gotten sort of heated about jokes about Marius just being a dumb horny knight when he's a whole ass victim of significant trauma.

(tag credit goes to @royhasissues, hope it's ok to post your tags)

So, I loove Marius and one of the main reasons for that is his relationship to trauma and what that both symbolizes for his character as well as how it determines his actions and emotional stability as of episode 32.

Marius Renathyr was someone who thrived off of structure, order and discipline. He was clearly a highly religious man and had followed his religious and orderly tenants to the letter for most of his life. A young Marius was focused on things like war, helping to defend his people and more specifically, protecting his king and best friend from forces that wished for their ruin. As such, I cannot imagine a young Marius really had any type of experience with relationships aside from platonic and brotherly relationships he had built with fellow knights or Victor. So already we have a young inexperienced knight going off on a quest where not only is he leaving the shelter of his kingdom for the first time, he's also on a time limit in which his success or failure could determine the future of an entire kingdom of people.

Then, vulnerable and half starved, he stumbles upon the Duchess who not only takes advantage of his physically weakened state; but also takes advantage of his emotional and mentally weakened state. Lilith as a temptress of course could tempt a young knight, and then to curse him with vampirism after tricking him into sleeping with her is back to back traumatic events - the vamprism something that could be interpreted as a punishment for failing his tenant of chastity. Something that I found interesting too is not only is his kingdom's symbol a rose, but it also is the same symbol as The Duchess - it brings to mind the idea of "deflowering" as a symbol of lost innocence.

From there, he has fought against his vampiric instincts which he viewed as a curse and a punishment for his weakness when in reality, it was not weakness at all. And the way some people react in a sort of joking or unserious way to his attitude towards sleeping with someone, his concerns of being trapped in a power scale imbalance with a strong and powerful woman also shows how his character reflects victim blaming both from others but also internalized victim blaming. It is why I think the scene of his friends trying to convince him to sleep with the Inquisitor only for Yorgrim to shut it down and back Marius up is such a powerful scene because it showed how some of his friends did not understand the level of trauma he had experienced despite how he bares literal physical reminders of the trauma he had experienced decades prior and how it still weighs so heavily on him.

Not to mention how Marius' bloodlust and how his aversion to getting too close to people - particularly Lethica who he shows clear romantic feelings for - is also symbolic of his trauma reactions. He is unable to allow himself that sort of closeness or intimacy with another person, even if there is no sexual motivation or undertones about their interactions, it's still a fear response of wishing to avoid any possibility of being harmed once again or lashing out due to that trauma.

And mind you, this is all worsening for him around the same time he comes to realize he's lost his connection to his God, his king and best friend he went on this quest for is dead, 2 of his closest friends are also dead, and many other awful horrors have befallen him and his group, it makes sense why his emotional and mental stability have started crumbling so drastically. And then, when he is at his lowest, who swoops in to whisper false promises and telling him he can be strong once more, protected once more, that this all can be worth it if he just listens to her? The one being who gave him this trauma in the first place. She swoops in and talks to him tenderly, who caresses him and tells him it'll be ok, that he can be what he was once more, that she will help him if only he listens to her and stays with her and loves her and nobody else. Nobody else. There's a lack of clarity, a lack of stability, of rational thought. Marius entrusts himself to her now because it's hard escaping from your abuser when they act like they're your protector instead.

[hotwaterandmilk]

re: Scans going forward

I have been posting content on here for something like 13 or 14 years at this point and never once on here, or on any other platform, have I put things behind a paywall or profited from the content I share at any time. I simply ask that people credit this blog as the source of scans they use, if they decide they're going to repost the content I share.

This is because I'm not the artist of the works I post, I don't feel entitled to earning anything from someone else's work. But I do appreciate a nod in my direction for scans, as I own the original OOP publications the works come from and it takes a lot of time and effort to scan then edit these files before posting them.

"But it's just scanning, you're not drawing, it can't take that long."

Scanning is only a small part of what I do. You need to prepare the item for scanning (sometimes debinding, cutting, smoothing, etc. depending on the item) then spend the time actually holding the item in the scanner. Editing (and in some cases redrawing or amending) parts of the art damaged by wear or imperfections, not to mention colouring, sizing and the like - it's a significant amount of effort per image for someone to do for free for years on end (on top of actual work and other hobbies).

I'm going to flat-out say this and I absolutely hate that I am in a position where I feel I have to divulge something so personal about myself, but I live with an aggressive form of rheumatoid arthritis that has left me with significant disabilities . Something as "simple" as scanning and editing an image from a book or a piece of furoku can cause me pain to the point of tears and take a lot longer than it probably takes others.

Rheumatoid arthritis is not just joint pain (though that is a major part of how it presents) it is a serious autoimmune condition and for me I have systemic issues with other tissues and organs beyond the joints. I take a lot of medications to deal with this, but a big part of why I didn't want to divulge my actual autoimmune disease diagnosis was because people underplay the seriousness and potential disability level involved with RA. For many it can be managed well with modern medications, for me it has been life-alteringly complex (and this is without going into the difficulties my neurological condition has caused recently either).

What I'm trying to say is that you might not value the effort that goes into what I share in this blog, that's fine - I can't make you. I don't feel I deserve anything like the level of support the original artists deserve - this is why I don't like to make money from scans, this isn't my art even though these are my items. However, what I do here takes so much more than you might assume on the surface so when you do things like repost my scans and deliberately remove my watermark and go out of your way not to mention this blog as a source, despite sourcing a significant amount of what you post on a monetised or influencer-style anime account, you are being extremely fucking shitty.

I'm at a crossroads that I've been at several times before, do I keep pushing myself to continue doing things as I've always done, or do I start to figure out a way to prioritise myself instead of upholding the integrity of sharing with others for free above all else?

I'm not sure what the answer is at this stage, but I'm so so so tired of the way things are. I share because I love these old works, these OOP products, these hidden gems and even though it physically pains me to do the work involved in sharing, I do it because it means so much to me. Now I just don't know if that's enough of a reason to do what I do.

Right now this blog is visible to Tumblr users only because I need some breathing space. I'm sure there are plenty of reposters with Tumblr accounts though, so please just know that if you use the contents of my blog for profit you're profiting not just off the work of a diverse range of artists, but also off someone with a disability dismantling their beloved childhood possessions just to enjoy connection with others online.

Thanks.

I've got scans lined up into next week, I'm going to take some time to consider what I want to do going forward. Kindly don’t reblog this, it’s very much a personal venting for my own blog that probably is nigh incomprehensible outside that context.

[shima-draws]

Worst feeling ever is when you go to reread a fic you really like and find out it's been deleted. Even WORSE worst feeling ever is checking the author's profile and finding out they've deleted all of their fics entirely

[the-love-cult]

absolutely no one asked for this or wanted it

[monsoonceroom]

BEHOLD! MY SH*TTY MS PAINT ART! Something something scientist tries to kidnap Anya. Something something Damian protects her.

It took two hours to make this, so I'm gonna make you all suffer with me by seeing it.

[moonlight-prose]

am i crazy or has the vibe of this site gotten more...lonely? not like specific fandom lonely but just overall feeling off and not as fun.

[paaelle]

I was just revising something right now and took a moment to hear the english dub of anti-Cosmo and omg

Why he sounds so silly compared to the brazilian dub??

Here's the comparison

[putuponpercy]

Being in fandom spaces for well over 15 years means realizing the actual definition of what problematic behavior is, reevaluating your own behavior, setting boundaries and setting a good example for those that are younger than you in the fandoms you're in, so they don't see your gross ass behavior and think it's okay to act like that. It's called growing the fuck up and being a responsible adult.

[zarstarss]

posting this way later than i should be, but it makes me so sad when people get embarrassed about exploring their own identity and self-expression when they were younger. like you ask a kid what they would want to do or be and they have a million different ideas and dreams, then somewhere along the line doing anything other than what’s expected of us became something we had to laugh about to be okay with.

finding yourself has some pitfalls but that's nothing to be ashamed of, y'know? keep doing that weird shit that makes you happy dude

[lunar-wandering]

i don't think i've gotten over reading those few chapters of that one version of the Bible we used for a university class cause it was so fucking jarring like;

the version of the Bible I grew up with: god is a gentle but occasionally strict father who genuinely cares for his children and creations. as punishment for eating the apple, Eve and all her descendants will now experience the pains of childbirth + periods.

the version of the Bible a lot of people have read, apparently: God is an Authoritative Figure to be Feared, and you must do anything to please him and avoid punishment. as punishment for eating the apple, Eve and all her descendants must now serve Men, forever. oh and also the childbirth and period thing.

like. wow. holy shit. a lot of Specific People's behaviour makes a Lot More Sense if that's the version they grew up with. I mean, "respect all figures of authority and do whatever you can to please them Or Else" sure is something that would fuck someone's brain up

[decayedoffering]

man, i just...still find it wild how people (rightfully) got called out for liking a racist/bigoted post and even doubled down about liking it and people somehow still dick ride them 💀

like. idk but if you back racist/bigoted ass opinions and double down when ppl try to be like "hey, this is wrong and you should do some introspection", AND even go so far as to block BIPOC for voicing our thoughts and feelings...i think you shouldn't still be able to have a popular fandom blog.

[softie-rain]

Sejanus Plinth. Perceived by all, loved by many, understood by few.

[unusualmourning]

Y'all ever just see someone make the dumbest headcanon about a character, and you have to force yourself to scroll because it's not worth the energy to even think about it?

[tee-dohrnii]

Is it normal to have this many OCs all dating the wizard in their own respective universes

I see people have one OC for one companion yet here I am with *counts on hand* 3 OCs so far who are all just kissing the wizard in their own universes, 2 Astarionmancers, and more playthroughs in the future with probably more Galemancers? I'll eventually date the other companions but am I normal? (no)

[atechalk]

would i be shot dead in the street if i suggested that toriel maybe isn't the most attentive mother in the world