#I'm Telling You 'Cause I Just Want You To Know Me

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

The Gym Membership - Part 31 (Crosshair)

Summary: Layla tries to make amends

A/N: Hello Lovelies,

Thank you all for joining in on the 450 Follower celebration, so far it's been really well received. Which surprised me and really touched my heart. The celebration is still going, until April 2nd or until all the prompts have been used at least once. Anyway, I'm back to posting, and working on new fics and materials. Enjoy.

Love oo

Italics - inner thoughts

Warnings: Guilt, apologies, irritations, making amends. If I miss any warnings, please let me know.

AO3 Link   |   Words: 1,171   |   PREVIOUS - -> NEXT

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Waves of guilt hit me as he grabbed his cup and walked out, I closed my eyes trying to calm my racing heart. There were so many things I needed to apologize for; I’d been meaning to call him for a long time and arrange a time for us to sit down and talk. 

Even the girls really were trying to encourage me to lift up the phone and dial, Mel kept trying to tell me he wasn’t as scary as he appeared, and he’d even be more understanding than I expected. Which was true, something I realized the day we lost Avery, and realized how wrong I was about him.

Come on Layla, you gonna be a coward again and let your own guilty conscience beat you down? I grabbed my cup and rushed out after him. 

“Crosshair, wait!” I called out to him rushing after him towards the parking lot. Of course, as always when you’re in a hurry, that’s when everyone in the tri-state area feels it’s important to drive right in front of me. Through the myriads of cars, I could see him walking further away, I needed to apologize for my own piece of mind. I wanted us to be on better terms. 

“Crosshair!” 

I shouted at the top of my lungs, hoping my voice would carry over the cars driving past, God! Why were there so many cars all of sudden! I watched as he stopped in his tracks, turning back to look at me, a quizzical expression on his face. 

He’d arrived at his car, when he heard his name being called, he turned to see Layla jittering in her spot, waiting for the opportune moment to cross the street. He covered his mouth by taking a sip of his coffee, as a small chuckle escaped his lips. She really reminded him of a squirrel, the way she kept looking ready to cross the street and then holding back. Eventually, after moments of negotiating she managed to run across and catch up with him.

“I’m glad you waited” my words came out rather quickly, I wasn’t one for running, and I’d been out of my workout routine for several months now, but jogging across the street should not have caused me to run out of air that much. Lord, I needed to hit the gym again. 

“What’s up, Layla?” It’s not that he minded her really, it’s just his bad mood from that morning was still lingering, and the last thing he wanted to do was say the wrong thing, because he was irritated. 

“Right. Straight to the point. I …” I let out a chuckled sigh, my heart felt like it was going to pound its way right out of my chest. Okay, I get it. I gotta hit the gym, just calm down. I tried to tell my heart, and my nerves that seemed to be jumping out of their own accord, “I wanted to apologize to you.”

Cross shook his head as a smirk appeared on his lips, “Layla, you already got me the ice and a new cup of coffee, it’s all good.” He turned to open his car door when her hand slammed against the door. 

“No. I owe you a real apology for … for everything!” I looked into his eyes, hoping he could feel my sincerity. 

He leaned against his car, his hand carding through his hair, “Layla, what the hell are you talking about?”

I stepped closer to him, “For everything. For the way I treated you from the first day I met you, to every time I cursed you in my head. I know …” I cleared my throat as it started to tighten, “I knew it was never your fault with regards to what happened to Avery. None of it was your fault. I …” I rubbed my forehead, my well planned and thought out apology was quickly falling apart in front of me, “what I’m trying to say, is that I am incredibly sorry about everything. About how I treated you, how I made you feel, and about everything I’ve ever said to you. I know you loved my sister, that was very evident. I also know you were grieving and trying to deal with everything in your own way, I just … I never stopped to think about how you were feeling. I’m sorry.”

He leaned further against his car, he didn’t say anything as he let her words sink in, well if they were going to be doing apologies … he rubbed the back of his neck, tilting it from side to side hoping to uncurl the kink there. “Listen, you’re not the only one who should be offering an apology. I’m ….I’m sorry too. I was cold, distant and annoyed with you, partly because you weren’t her, partly because Avery was lying there, but mostly because I … I didn’t deserve to be there.”

“What! Of course, you did. You were her husband, you guys loved each other.”

“No. We … we may have loved each other as best friends, I mean I was always happy to see her, to talk to her, to touch her and feel her, but she deserved better than me. I think if she hadn’t been injured once we got back State-side we … we probably would’ve been divorced by now. Still on talking terms, maybe the occasional bed buddies, but not married. I didn’t deserve to be the one by her side, she deserved a better man.”

“Cross, did you make her happy? While she was alive, did you make her happy?”

“I tried my best to.”

“Then you are exactly the man she deserved. Even if you didn’t think you deserved to be there, she believed that you did.” 

I let out a sigh as I leaned against the car beside him, “I never told you, but she was excited to introduce you to me, she couldn’t wait to tell me all about this amazing sniper she was seeing.” Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought back to Avery, “Truth is, I was angry with you because you got to spend more time with her. Especially her last days. All my interactions with her, especially the last several months, were either letters, phone calls or emails. Even if she was going to be back State-side, she wouldn’t be by my side 24/7, she would’ve gone to see her friends, you … it’s just … our last conversation wasn’t much of a conversation. Not to mention, I kind of yelled at her.”

The warmth from the coffee eased the tension in my shoulders and heart as I took a look sip, “Listen Cross, at the end of the day we both loved her, and who knows maybe you’re right.” I shrugged, “Maybe you guys would’ve gotten divorced when you spent more time together in a more ‘normal-ish’ surrounding, but you were there when she needed you, and I’m glad you made her happy while you could.”

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[themelleniasisters-a]

“Great now what am I supposed to do?”

[homebody-nobody]

WIP game!

tagged by @largedenominationsplease

Rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have wips. I have deemed that this isn’t just for writing either. Sketch titles? Comics? DnD campaigns? If you have an unfinished project, it counts!!

okay so here's the thing. I've been using my google drive to write original fic and fanfiction since I was fifteen, so. This is gonna be lawwwwng.

FANFICTION

outer banks

Engineering School AU notes home(where your heart is set in stone) home outline Jiara AUs Jiara week JJ's Lesbian Older Sister Meta katie's bday smut sincerity is scary outline the Parcels of Tannyhill

bellarke

"I got a dog" (She Returned) More Broken than Before All These Words I've Heard Before An Unexpected Guest Begginings of wicken fic (YOIKES) Bellarke fwp Bits and Pieces and To Be Used Clarke's Greek Pantheon Photography project Dancing in the dark devil's backbone - the civil wars domestic!bellarke bc im trash fire and stone (and a swingin trombone) Hot Boys and Indie Music (Make for a Pretty Great Summer) I have to tell you these flowers are for a dead person I'm Hers and She is Mine Library AU Library crush - bellarke fic more 30 minute fictions with the best friend Museum!Bellamy Rebel!Clarke hs au Silent Warrior, Screaming Youth SingleDad!Bellamy so go ahead and make your mark on me so go ahead and make your mark on me (REWRITE) Soulmate Words sweeter than sugar (colder than ice) the Bellamy Thing when the door sings closed you held my hand (and called me darling)

fleeting hyperfixations

beth x benny bones OC jatp college au jerin shoni fic ideas WayHaught Z nation

Percy Jackson

PJO lesbian Athena thing Solangelo??

Star Wars

Jyndor Lex and Gage

Voltron

klance high school AU shallura dancer au cause i have no self control Voltron Voltron AU#1 Young - The Chainsmokers

ORIGINAL WRITING

DnD

Cadogan Druhaven

other

A writer in venice throws his typewriter out the window one day Ace and Arthur Apparently sleep hates me Ari and Mel Band story Blacksmith Boy Brett and Nia Calliope and Wren long Castor and Pollux Chance and Ezra Denim and leather; Fire and ice Draconic Novice Draconic Novice Notes Dystopian society Elias and Charlie Ellie and Aaron Escape For Ryn's Birthday happy lesbians Henry, Tial, and Ellia Honos et Veritas I don't know what this was supposed to be but it was gay Isabelle the Ghost Whisperer Kira and Nell Kisae Dwellden Kyto and Petr Mark and Joanna start Men of the Moors Modern Magick modern magick Development Journey Modern Magick Trilogy Plot Outline Modern Magick Worldbuilding Modern Magick: Fire Modern Magick: Water Morgan and the Witch's son Nell doesn't look like a mafia princess Notes-Draconic Novice Paige and Katie Parker and Rae pirates story quarantine podcast Reece tells Kai that Jason is alive and he starts to cry Richard and Gabrielle? Runaway Mage Sign language zombie killers Some of Us Alive Stub The first thing he notices about her is her left hand The Four Suits the hill that grew the lindstrom sisters (bank robbers) the Rider General this is sad This wasn't where he wanted to be vegas motorcycle gang Vyvinuly wars beyond men wars beyond men rewrite (? third person ?) When War Comes white-Collar Trash wolves

so yeah there's a lot lol

tagging: @jojameswinter @a92vm @jiaraisinthegoodplace @smileymikey and whoever else wants to!!

[kanemayfield]

Dr. Mayfields Words Of Wisdom - UK food is awful... prove me wrong.

If you ever really look at traditional UK food you kind of understand why they literally started murdering people for spices. 

Before you accuse me of overreacting click this link right here 👉🏾👉🏾 GROSS

(I’ll wait)

Exactly.... wtf is eel jelly?

That SOUNDS like something a long shoreman would shout to a woman for street harassment purposes and it LOOKS like something you serve to a person you plan on dropping bad news on like...

"Good to see you Nigel... fancy a cuppa... well ive got bad news and worse food... here's some shite pizza dough filled with dogfood that I call "pie"... why yes I did run tap-water on it disrespectfully... yeah... didnt want any natural flavors to give the impression of seasonings so i gave it a proper spritz mate lol... yes its green... haven't the foggiest why.... but im sure its tops...oh btw... your grandma is dead bruv... and you’re out the will. Pack of Mel Gibsons are piping your wife. Pretty rubbish innit"

Oh that 👆🏾?

Yeah... that's porridge.

That unhappy bowl of disrespect is what some unfortunate souls call breakfast and the rest of the world calls gruel. There is no appropriate time of the day for such an abomination. This is Oliver Twist food, bro. That just exemplifies how terrible that little yoot life was... he wanted MORE gruel... word... that's a horrendous upbringing. That's where the word “grueling” comes from. Someone in a dungeon trying to eat this bowl of insults. People who respect you would never even come at you like this in the morning. 

Now think about THIS... if all you know is porridge... which is obviously of the devil... and you meet this new group of peoples.. and homie got a silken pimp robe and matching slippers. Sun has the iced out hair scrunchie and permed eyebrows. Just living wild luxurious. He not even tripping off you. Your whole camp look hongry and unwashed to a man of his discipline... he gotta be judging you....  you know he is....t

This man is rocking some Sweet Daddy Grace lengthy shit... smelling like lavender and using his long coke nail to spear him a spicy dumpling and feed it to a colorfully dressed woman. 

HELL YEAH you gotta pop on him and cause an international incident...

no doubt...he was styling on you crazy. I get it... of course you were embarrassed... he caught you lacking... smelling like the ocean and bad decisions... and he just splish splashing the soy sauce and flinging 5 spice powder like a Trini at j’ouvert. The language barrier is all that was stopping this guy from telling you to eat a dick... you def aint breaking out the old union jack lunch box, and showing him you you brought two for just such an occasion. Not a shred of mouth dignity, b.

AAAAYYOOOOOOOOOOOO.....

Fuck is this..... you call it WHAT.... Bangers and Mash... yeah... that works cause I'm gonna bang this plate off the table and mash up the whole restaurant. 

But this is about seasonings... you think you gonna be able to go home to merry old England after seeing ACTUAL people food?

That shit is an unrespectful dish b.... pardon me for exposing you to this filth beloveds... but UK people eat these... this point gotta get made. This is why the British Empire was so crazy. It makes sense.. they would go home and after 30 min and be like..

“(looks at plate of sausage dong) crikey look at the time.. I gotta go.. more land to discover... I'm out... AYO Barnaby, get the boat my guy... yeah.. this nigga on some balderdash.. FOH.. ”

Imagine you had a hard day laboring... shaving rocks in the quarry or putting shoes on a horse or banging an anvil or whatever British people did before spices... you go home just looking for a little food and comfort and somebody pulls up with a double unseasoned frank for your boca... 

FUCK YEEEAAAH I'm building a boat... and I'm NEVER coming back. This place is BARE wickedness.

How you got castles and roundtables and danger mouse... but still eat gruel and rambunctious franks.... with no seasonings ??? That shit doesn't make any sense. English people had a whole lot of misdirected energy  

Penny-farthing bikes and no basil. Yall wilding.

Just imagine your life is terrible with dong-shaped food all the time... so you get on a big boat, sail further than you think the world goes just to meet you a man chilling in a place where it never snows, women got they yahmean’s out... & he just seasoning a goat-meat panini wild regular like...

"...maaaaan I don't even want this... don't een know why I made it fam... naah i mean I JUST had one... yeah its good.. but I can’t rock with two of em.. AYO.. you hungry bro.. yeah YOU.. super lightskinned from the boat... yall look famished... here hold this down... ".

You gonna start making undignified noises the first time you have seasonings. You know how I know: look at how homey on the right is side-eyeing you. He looking at you like 

“I know this pink dirty boat man ain’t just moan sexually over a panini” 

He judgy... and they got the brocky neckwear. Big homey got the Selassie fingers and the ill breathable garments. And he smiling. Know why? SEASONINGS.... he don't give a fuck about you or your boat. 

“Where you from... oh woooord... they got big free-range titties and truck jewelry over there??... nah... sounds shitty.... what about that panini I gave you.. shit was banging, right? WAIT... banger? Fuck is a banger?.... A WHAT? Nah bro... we got kids out here.. watch your mouth. I think it’s time for you to leave.”

Yeah... they smiling because nobody trying to push a double frank in they face... pause. No Oliver Twist soup anywhere in the vicinity, bro. Just well seasoned food and flourish. Women ain’t gonna have their babylons  untethered for your viewing enjoyments if you engage in such sinful snacks.

Man’s just living his life and doing fun shit with yams, billowing robes and getting this schmoney. Big bonfire... women bussin open that strawberry poundcake for the god and he just shaking black pepper around like it grows on trees.

HELL YEAAAH you gonna try and capture him... you gonna try and capture fucking everybody. You can’t just yap the spice rack without the knowledge of how to implement that joint. Who gonna teach you how to do Selassie fingers? You’re gonna be uninstructed in the proper deployment of the lemon peppers. 

You’re gonna fumble the bag and ruin the mutton... so.... you know.... I get it. 

I can (in these context) wrap my mind around why they was stealing people wholesale.

I'm not defending slavery... I'm just illustrationing the importance of spices.

And the lack of spices promotes wicked interactions amongst mankind. That's fax 🖨

You ever have dinner with a person who puts OD condiments on steak? We all have unfortunately... and I bet you had a devilish time.

And the steak....  it was well done wasn't it... I know it was. Because I can recognize Lucifer and his works.

The UK is the same people who will serve you fried fish and french fries, then look you straight in the eyes like..

"you know what you missing, bruv...? A dixie cup of warm mashed up green peas.... yeah.. to eat. Whyyyyy?... because nationally our mouths are broken and we won't fix it. Oh... no?...you’re not interested??... Well would you rather have some pudding then, mi lord? Chocolate... oh no, guvnor. Not the delicious dessert that Bill Cosby ruined, I’m talking about this red dick with onions and blood in it. Yeah... to eat.. Spot on.. we call that pudding here, mate... it's smashing!!!" 

Fuck outta here.... that looks like poop with wood varnish on it.

 No surprise they had a whole tower for torturing people...

They wild AF... that's an angry culture, yo. Who designed their food shapes because I see a theme here?

These people were living in a nightmare and now they forgot where they came from. Talking bout Brexit: “too many foreigners”. Fuck around and everybody leave and take they recipe book with them.... then you back to having nothing but patriotic dicks to eat. Careful what you wish for, champ.

Anyway... I feel like the world could be a better place if people just had spices.

So what we should do is just look for whoever don't have seasonings... all around the world. And when we find em... just keep an eye on em... put em on a watchlist... they will be the world’s next troublemakers.

I promise.

But seriously... who TF eats mashed up peas? 

That shit still bothering me.... 

I hate peas... 

I love my grandma... but one time when I was a likkle yoot, she tried to feed me mashed up peas. At first I just kept turning my head away out of respect for the old earth. But when she persisted like some sort of colonial food terrorist with machinations of me dining on the meal responsible for 300yrs of atrocities and Hugh Grant.... I spit that shit dead in her face like champagne and told her I'm royalty... 

Be well, 

Kane M

[themelleniasisters-a]

@superhottubcollective​ liked for a starter

“Oh sorry! I didn’t see you there!”

[themelleniasisters-a]

Tired short lesbian that attracts WAY too much trouble.

Pansexual doctor with a heart of gold. Also very tired.

Bi nerd. Has too much energy. Super shy.

Evil Pan vampire bent on world domination.

[themelleniasisters-a]

△ for Mel: How did you take what was going on with your grandma? we've heard Rose and Lilly's side but not yours yet.

"I was terrified. Anyone in their right mind would be.. I-I don't really like talking about it.."

[themelleniasisters-a]

Hey Mel! How the backrooms treating ya?

"I-I think.. There's something IN here with me!"

[themelleniasisters-a]

Have fun in the backrooms Mel! Probably check up on you in a couple of days!

"D-D-Don't just LEAVE me here!!!!"

[themelleniasisters-a]

https://youtu.be/H4dGpz6cnHo for any who don't know what the backrooms are. This is basically just the first floor though XD

"I-I wanna go home now please..."

[themelleniasisters-a]

Mel has No-clipped out of reality and thus entered the first floor of The Backrooms!

"I.. What?"

[themelleniasisters-a]

//Tag dump