#I'm educated i'm articulated i'm great

[drumlincountry]

The job I just quit asked me to join their board of management. Why do people want me on their board of management so bad. One time an organisation rejected my job application in the same email as asking if i'd serve on their board. Pay me, motherfuckers.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

This post used to hold a poem inspired by the Rev. Munther Isaac's declaration that "God is under the rubble in Gaza."

After a few anons and a conversation with a Jewish friend, I've decided to take the poem down because, regardless of my own intentions with it, it risks feeding the long and extremely harmful history of blood libel, because I included imagery of the infant Jesus and his parents being killed by an Israeli soldier, as many Palestinians are being killed now.

Before talking with that friend, I wrote in this response to an anon about my intentions with the poem — but while I do believe that intentions do matter, they don't matter nearly as much as impact does.

My friend helped me come to the conclusion that while the poem I wrote could be interpreted as I intended by people who already have all the context I wrote it in (see below), it could also all too easily be interpreted much more harmfully by those who lack that context — or worse, who are looking for more fuel for their antisemitism. The poem is not worth that risk, not at all.

___

Ultimately, I hold two things I believe to be true in tension:

that Christians throughout the ages have found deep comfort and encouragement in understanding Jesus as suffering in and with them. I support all Christian Palestinians who, like Rev. Isaac, experience God-with-them in this way — in this horrific time, they deserve any ounce of comfort they can derive. And them personally seeking and finding the Divine presence with them is not antisemitic.

that for Christians like myself in the USA, who live in the beating heart of Empire and Christian Supremacy, it is vital to take care in how we talk about this theology in this current situation, where the oppressors are Jewish. Providing more fuel for Christian antisemitism is inexcusable, and I deeply apologize for writing and sharing a piece that can be used in that way.

Because modern-day Israel is a Jewish state, exploring that Divine solidarity in this context comes with a great risk of perpetuating the long, harmful history of antisemitic blood libel and accusations of deicide. How do we affirm God’s presence with those suffering in Palestine without (implicitly or explicitly) adding to the poisonous lie that “the Jews killed Jesus”?

In wrestling with this complexity, I tried to write this poem to uplift both Jesus’s Jewishness and his solidarity with Palestinians. Jesus was born into a Jewish family, his entire worldview was shaped by his Jewishness, and he shared in his people’s suffering under the Roman Empire. His solidarity with Palestinians of various faiths suffering today does not erase that Jewishness. Nor does it mean that Jewish persons don’t “belong” in the region — only that modern Israel’s occupation of Palestine is in no way necessary for Jews to live and thrive there, or anywhere else in the world.

I also aimed to point out that Israel is by no means acting alone in this attack on Gaza or their decades-long occupation of Palestine. There is a much larger Empire at work, with my own country, the United States, at the helm. Israel is entangled in that imperial mess, and directly backed and funded by those forces — not because of what politicians claim, that we have to back Israel or else we’re antisemitic, but because Israel is our strategic foothold in the so-called Middle East. How do we name our complicity as our tax dollars are funneled into violence across the world, and act to end that violence?

___

I'm sorry this post isn't as articulate as I want it to be. All of this to say: I deeply apologize for any hurt my poem caused. I understand how horrific Christianity's history of — and ongoing present — antisemitism is, and how it poisons and warps so much that could have been beautiful. I'll keep educating myself; I'll keep having hard conversations; I'll keep working to uproot antisemitism in myself and my communities.

___

I'll close with a list of resources for learning about Palestine's history and getting involved.

[eustasskidagenda]

omg hi hi! i adore your writing so much :3! if its alright with you, could i get headcanons for how crocodile, law, kid, and ace would be with an autistic s/o who loves to infodump, but is nervous to do so. theres always this odd bit of shame that accompanies infodumping for me because i get so excited i cant properly articulate myself *lays down* its just a mess of stimming, stuttering, and laughing at my own jokes. i feel embarrassed after, even if its totally an illogical response. im unsure if you write for autistic y/n so feel free to ignore this if you dont. thank you so much <33

☆Crocodile, Law, Kid & Ace with an autistic s/o who loves to info dump 

Hello, dear anon! I'm not used to write autistic y/n, because I don't know enough about this and I wouldn't like to be harmful. However, the situation you're describing is something close to ADHD, which I know well. So I've made some additional researches to be sure and come up with something, I hope you will like it. Thank you for your request, it was a sweet one ♡

CW : g/n reader, slight curses for Kid, fluff 

WC : Around 1,500 words

Crocodile 

Crocodile doesn't talk much, he's always serious and quiet. It's just that he's often thinking about his business and plans. But he's a good observer and would immediately notice if you want to say something but are too nervous to do it. He knows you perfectly, so he would recognize the way you're fidgeting.

He's a man with good manners, so his first reflex would be to lock the door and make sure no one can enter and destabilize you. When it's done, he will point his chair towards you.

"Sit. I'm listening, y/n." 

Actually, he likes hearing you speak during hours. He knows it's a way to express your love and feelings. He's flattered that you want to share your world with him. Go ahead and speak, he will listen. Even if he's just nodding or commenting short sentences in response, he has a good memory and will remember everything you said to him. 

If you're talking too fast and start to get really flustered, he will let you know that you're speaking too fast, like 'y/n, what did you just say?' 

Your hyper-focus and info-dumping are appreciated by Crocodile because he enjoys learning new things and you're a source of knowledge. Maybe he's impassive and struggles to express his feelings, but sometimes you will hear him talk about what he learned with you, so clearly he listened to every single word. 

"Don't be ashamed, it was interesting. Can we talk more about this specific point?" 

If you say something that he is really curious about, he has no shame asking for more. It's a way for him to express his genuine care for you. For him, it's a way to prove to you that even though he's always quiet, he cares.

Law

Law is similar to Crocodile in his lack of emotional expression and limited speech. He is always busy, struggling with his parasitic thoughts and taking care of his patients. Finding some private time with you is a challenge for him. 

If you run into Law with excitement about your passion or new hyper-focus, he may feel embarrassed because it's not the perfect time for him. Autism is something he knows about, and he is an intelligent and educated man. And, he wants to make you feel safe and comfortable. 

"I'll be yours in a moment, y/n-ya."

He has a complete understanding of you and is an excellent observer. The way you're already blushing, fidgeting, and swallowing nervously. He can even hear your heart racing. So first thing first, he will tell you to take a deep breath. After all, he’s a doctor. 

"What do you wanna talk about?" 

As Crocodile, he's a great listener. When you're full of passion and excitement, he thinks you're cute. He likes the sound of your voice. He loves when you want to find him and talk about your passion, because you're offering him a break from his work. If you weren't there, he would be stuck either in work or in his own head. When he's with you, he can forget about his dream of avenging. You're his safe place, truly. 

He doesn't speak a lot. But he is listening.M and asks questions from time to time.

"Yn-ya, there's been no urge. Take your time." And if you're stuttering a lot, he would just say nothing because it's pointless to make a remark, as long as he can understand what you're saying, he will never say something about your elocution. 

"That's interesting, where did you learn that much?" 

Law is a curious and intelligent man, so he likes to learn more about almost everything. If it can help him with his plans or maybe his patients, it might even be beneficial for him.

During your bedtime together, he would ask you to talk about your passions. The way you talk and laugh is like his own lullaby. When you speak, he can find inner peace because it shuts down all the voices in his head. He might fall asleep sometimes when he feels tired. It's just that you're providing him with some relief. When he wakes up, he would be deeply sorry. "So, yesterday, you stopped at this precise point… what were you trying to say after?"

Kid 

Kid is so goddamn loud. And really passionate. He's focused on his goal of becoming the next PK and has loved mechanics and robotics since childhood. He would be aggressively sweet, like frowning when he notices how stressed and nervous you act towards him. "Hey, Y/N, why are you so fucking nervous? Just speak" 

He thinks you're cute with your cheeks all red. On the flip side, he's a bit confused. Why are you nervous? Is it his fault? He knows he's loud, hard to love and rough, but he cares about people he likes. Have you seen how he acts with Killer and his crew? He loves his people. 

And, as a punk, Kid is marginalized. He knows a lot about being different, and if you feel ashamed about it, he can understand. "Come on y/n, let's find a private place" 

Grab your wrist in an aggressive yet sweet way and lead you to his workshop or bedroom. He sits you on the bed with his arms crossed and eyebrows raised. "Now we're alone." 

So, you start talking nervously. It doesn't matter if the topic is interesting to him or not, he will listen. Because as I said, Kid is a passionate. Everything can be made interesting by passionate people. So, yeah, talk about birds, cakes, plushies, or anything stuck in your head. He will like it. And he enjoys the sound of your voice. He’s even flattered to be your special someone, the one you’re looking for when you need to talk. It fuels his ego and pride.

He will deal with your stuttering as he deals with Killer's laugh. He'll shut up and smash all the people making fun of you if there's something you hate about yourself. You're his s/o, no one can laugh at you and continue to live without facing his rage.

"Goddamn, slow down" yes, not the best with kindness, but at least he's paying attention. 

He wouldn't help but think you're really cute, with your eyes shining as you finally manage to relax and express how passionate you are. He understands your excitement because when he talks about robots, music, punk or weapons, he's exactly the same. 

Kid is not the most culturally advanced, it depends on the topic. He enjoys learning new things thanks to you or Killer, it's important for him to be credible, and he hates looking inferior in front of others. 

"See, there was no reason to be that nervous" When you finished speaking.

Just poke your cheek, grin and leave a mark of lipstick on your front-head before returning to his activities and yelling proudly to everyone he knows everything about the subject you just info-dump about.

Ace

The sweetest. Ace's personality is both compassionate and protective. He grew up with Luffy, so passionate and talkative people are something he knows a lot about. As he's proud of his brother, he's proud of you and can listen to everything you say for hours. 

"Y/N, is there something wrong?" 

Yeah, he would immediately notice that you're starting to get nervous. His first reflex is to find a more private place, if that's not already the case. He wants to do everything to make you feel safe and loved. If it's winter or just cold, he would even use his DF to warm the room. As soon as you're all comfortable, he'll run his fingers through your hair. "You know I will always listen." 

Ace doesn't speak a lot about what's on his mind. He's way too stubborn and always struggles with guilt due to the blood running through his veins. So he enjoys having someone like you. Your voice is soothing him, and he loves how passionate and honest you are always. 

For him, it's even amazing and unreal to have someone talk to him. You're treating him like a normal human and not a failure, because he feels like it often: unloved, unwanted and unworthy.

"Sweetie, you don't have to rush, we have the time, I'll always listen" if you start to speak too fast.

Would entwine his fingers with yours when you're stuttering and laugh heartily at your jokes. You remind him of his dear little brother. He feels lucky to have you by his side. 

"I could listen for hours." And he's totally honest.

If someone makes fun of you, he's truly mad. You are as significant to him as his brother or Whitebeard. And if someone makes fun of his loved-one, Ace is merciless and really impulsive.

"Please, say more about this specific point!", "Oh, really, that's so funny?" He wants to make you talk even more. Until you're finally relaxed and able to speak without stuttering, blushing, or anything else. He doesn't mind it, even if it lasts for hours. Once you're done, he has his usual sweet smile on his face. "That was so interesting, why are you so embarrassed?" 

So you explain to him that you feel embarrassed about your info dump because you're afraid to annoy people or talk too fast etc." It's alright, you won't bother me." 

You're his sunshine. He feels loved with you. He feels more than just the son of someone; he's just Ace, and that's the most beautiful thing in the world for him.

Such a sweet boy. ♡

[arminzblackbimbo]

the right way

blackfem!reader x nerdy!jean

tw: mdni, i love you kink, mating press, talk of pyramids, spit in mouth, oral (fem. r), crying during sex, slight dry humping, saliva, big dick jean, cervix touching, stomach bulge, nipple sucking, cock-warming, brief ear licking, and you're very needy and so is jean

you sit on the pink fluffy bed with jean on top of the covers, he is trying to educate you on how he believes the egptyains built the great pyramids. hearing him talk about something he is so passionate about makes arousul pool in your pretty panties.

he looks so good as he talks about how advanced their civilization was for their time period. his pretty eyelashes long as he blinks dazed as he so in awe of everything he's speaking of. his rectangular glasses sitting on his pointy nose and sharp jaw line moving as he continues to speak on the great accomplishments of egypt.

you slipped under the covers cuddling into the sheets feeling you legs tremble against them. why does he have to look so handsome ?, it makes it hard for you to focus on what he's talking about.

you hold the duvet up for his tall body to lay underneath with you. his 6'2 frame stretching out underneath your pink blanket and turning his body to the side to face yours. mouth still running a mile a minute.

you legs wrap around his waist pulling him close to you, nose to nose as you look in his eyes, he's so excited telling all the details and conspiracies. you can feel your core pulse against his bulky bulge in his pants. legs moving tighter against his slender waist.

"their culture, beliefs, and techniques still affect many of things to this day and....." you move slowly against him to just feel some type of friction against you.

"(୨୧), are you listening to me ?" he sees you breathing hard and your legs shaking against his abdomen. your covered mound against his clothed apendenge, making sure there is hard contact between them

"mmh yea baby" you push harder against him, making such hard contact makes you shudder against him. he continues, not picking up on the thrill your feeling.

you hands shaking from the neediness your feeling, hands sliding slowly underneath his baggy shirt. feeling his lean abdomen, rubbing on him as you look at him. so much adoration in his eyes and he looks so good all the time.

you rubbing all on his stomach cause him to lose focus. he was just about to talk about the foods that were eaten during that time. " (୨୧) your making me lose my train of thought, i'm trying to educate you on the egyptian advanced civilization". he pushes his glasses up on his nose you can feel his stomach clench up as you know all of the contact with you is making him dazed.

from your legs around his waist, your core against his length, and your pretty hands rubbing on his soft abs. your dainty acrylic nails rubbing his skin too, making his skin create goosebumps causing him to tremble a little.

you can feel his soft girth begin to grow in his pants wanting nothing more than to be between your pretty thighs. "why do you do this to me baby ?" he sighs going to grip on your thighs that still hold him secure, hands squeezing tightly. you noticed he only called you endearments when he needs you to satisfy him. all the formality leaving his brain.

you groan at this feeling knowing exactly how he gets. getting so needy for your attention turning into such a shell of who he normally is. so smart and articulate but as soon as he feels a little bit of tension he becomes a trembling, begging mess.

still so close to you, your nose connecting with his glasses almost touching your nose too. you move to kiss his nose loving how he looks so ditzy savoring the soft kiss. "sweetheart you're making me hot" he says going to kiss your nose too. letting it linger there you can feel him leave little breaths on the skin that's there.

you can feel the whimpers in his throat threating to come out. "let me help you" your still rubbing smooth circles on his soft stomach. hands still under his shirt you reach to assist to take off the shirt. he tenses a little always getting nervous when you have to see him naked even though he is built beautifully.

his abs are lightly visible under his skin, the tan skin that's everything is wrapped in, it's all temptation for you. why you can't never get enough of him. you're both are equally addicted to each other in your own ways, yours being listening to his every word and helping him when ever he needs it. he always helps you too, never leaving you unsatisfied. letting you be touchy with him knowing that just how you are.

now that you have access to all his skin that lays on his chest you caress the whole area. feeling his tense shoulder and massaging them slowly feeling him slowly relax. moving down to his medium pecks rubbing in cirlces running your fingertips across his peach nipples hearing him groan in hush tones. he always is so sensitive in his chest area.

legs still tightly wrap around him, your movements creating a light pulse to be created between you two. your lips move to give each nipple a small kiss and adding a small suckle to one, making his body lightly shiver. "mmm im getting too sensitive" you roll your eyes smiling at him always ready to release in his pants.

your pulsing so fast in your panties your leaking into them as you lay on jeans chest and look up at him. seeing his face blush up from the heat his body is creating. he cranes his neck to give you the kisses you been wanting all night. his head the side moving his lips steadily across yours. making him pull his arms tight around you, knowing your lips connecting makes him extra needy for you.

your tongue sliding with his so sensual making his mouth water. "open your mouth, baby" him speaking against you cause saliva to stick to each other lips. leaning your head back with your pretty mouth open, tongue hanging out he now has time to indulge in his guilty pleasure.

he puckers his lips letting the spit slid from his mouth to yours, sitting on your pink tongue. he has taught you to not swallow until he puts his mouth on yours again. he likes to see the slimy substance slid in your mouth, groaning while he watches.

your tongue hangs out your mouth obediently. his tongue lay on yours all the liquid making the kiss messy. he squeezing your waist harder not realizing in his pleasure. his length straining so much against you, it's hard to focus on his tight grip and sloppy kiss.

his arms loosening around you to slid to your butt hands shaking from all the desire, hands gripping the fat that sits there. savoring the feeling, "love, can i take these off please ?" so polite you have to shake your head yes. watching as his big hands slid you legs off his waist to take your delicate shorts off.

trailing your legs with his fingertips he makes goosebump appear on your skin. make you tingle in your panties. the same fingertips going to squish your thighs together. everything feeling so fluffy to him. shirt almost sticking to your skin from the temperature of the attraction to him.

the pressure of his hands travel to dip of you waist. caution in the flow of his hands as he moves towards your breast, just wanting to feel them he's desperate. wearing no bra, no need for it when your in your own home. the fat in your chest is heavy as he cups them. "can i take this off too, pretty please ?" kissing the top of your head as you nod eagerly in acceptance.

letting the shirt fall to the floor with his. feeling the cold air hitting you, you can feel jean looking at you dazed just how he looks when talk about space or medieval times. absolute adoration making you feel like he analyzing you and your body.

laying you on your back softly, he gets in between your soft legs. only your underwear and his pants keep the most intimate places from making contact. feeling the huge dent has you craving him, making it hard for you to wait on his preparation he like to do for you. antsy, you feel like you don't have the patience to take this long.

loving how your bronze legs feel around his slender waist. hands rushing to try and unbuckle his belt wanting what lies underneath. "wait, wait, wait baby" you yearn for him so bad, you pout while he holds your little hands still. "no need to rush, just relax" helping you take the belt off, letting the weight of it hit your stomach, hands trembling feeling the zipping vibrations in your fingers. pushing the pants pass his hips. hungry for the print that your eyes burn into

watching the pants hit the floor. liking how you look laid infront of him looking like everything he's ever loved, wrapped in delicate brown skin. it's almost making him feel like he's not real. how can he have you like this in his presence.

finally massaging your hips he goes to take those drench panties off. loving how they almost stick to you with the moisture you create. he feels he's in a fairy tale. he's read about things like this, the way man have been influenced by the woman that bed them making them start wars and make things go their way.

now that he has you in his vision he sees how such events were possible. how you glisten under the light, the juices coating all of your folds. looking edible to him. he is delirious with urge. he needs a closer look needing to inspect such perfection. lowering his head having to pry your legs off of him, as you pout at him wanting his body on top of yours but he needs to taste you

chin resting on bed wanting a deeper look at your honey pot. pushing you thighs back letting all the air hit you as he spreads you wide for his delight. eyes sparkling at the brown skin that shines as you get more aroused. "you just make my heart stop with your beauty" the poetry leaving his mouth makes you feel so dreamy. feeling his breath on you as he speaks.

lifting his chin up to move slowly to suck on you in the most prevented ways. loving the way the hot flesh sits in his mouth. moving his tongue with tempo on the pearl of nerves.

why is he so sensual ? making you feel like your floating in your body from the things he does and says to you. wanting to crawl up the bed at the delight your receiving. "jeaannn, pleaseee" you're begging for nothing, he already helping you relieve the ache you have.

he obeys your pleases suctioning a little harder with the rhythm of his tongue moving at a faster pace. having to push your thighs farther and firmer as you squirm in his hold. it's making you dizzy with you head thrashing against the bed

wanting the taste right from the source he scoops his tongue to the orgin of the juices, lapping at the endless supply. needing to feed into his guilty pleasure, he slurping now wanting to get all you have to offer. he lifts he head slightly to watch as saliva drips on your already wet skin loving how it slides in all directions.

eyeing him you can see the wettness that covers his face as he looks down at where is his only focus is right now. loving watching his work, making another trail of spit hitting you most sensitive spot as it spreads making so much wetness collect where your most plush. "you're a vixen living among us" he shakes his head "that's why you so addictive, i've figured it out you're a vixen" words causing you to gush loving how he speaks of you.

"your so seductive it's impossible to control myself" he kisses the wet flesh loving the noises he hears in response. thighs pushed farther as your knees are inches from hitting the sheets. your open wider for him he loves you like this. button of nerves now raising in the air letting his tongue bring it out from your flap of skin so he has full access. lips wrapping tightly around the sticky flesh.

he is slurping on you, tip of his tongue moving with his lips. why does he do this to you? mouth moving so good having to let go of you thigh sometimes push his glasses up as he feast. "j-j-jean" licking broadly under the suction of his mouth while he watches you throw you head back and arch you back. toes curling hard.

your taste is making his brain thump against his skull, not even reading whole astrology books getting him like this. making him feel like he might burst in his pants from the pleasure he is giving you. for some reason he almost gets as much pleasure watching you be satisfied as being inside you.

"i can f-f-feel- " he sucks harder at your conformation at your release coming, tongue moving in circles. the pressure in you lower stomach making you want to push him away, the thrill making your legs cramp up as you tense up. attempting to run away from the arousal 

legs shaking so hard he has to cup your thighs harder. the burn in your belly moving into your pelvis, so violently that you moan so loud at the burst of juices that escapes you right into jeans mouth. eyes rolling in his head as he collects more and more. feeling you vibrate in his hold. crying out in bliss

his mouth still moving, does he not understand that you've already satisfied ? why is he making you so sensitive ? does he not know you can only take so much ? whining while your hands shaking on his head, trying to get him away from his meal of choice.

he kisses your tenderness, spit connecting him with your downward lips before lifting his head up smiling at you with foggy glasses and the bottom half of his face wet. you pout for him as you reach for his boxer wanting him so bad to reveal himself to you. legs still trembling with satisfaction.

he lets you move antsy tired of moving slow now that he is needy. letting you pull them down as he helps you. marveling at the appendage as it it's undisclosed. the tan color is wrap around it like candy coating, the tip of it bright pink, the veins so abstract and visible they've made an apperence everywhere on the shaft. but the size it something that you gasp at.

the mesmerizing tip reach a inch beyond his belly button standing at full attention, and the girth making it hard to hold in your hands. your mouth is watering just looking at it. something all girls dream about it's what you get to look at whenever you please.

a boy who speaks on pyramids, the great wall of china, and mason dixision line has something that's makes it hard for you to concentrate.

you holding your hands up at him, signaling him to lay on you and give you one of his showstopper kisses that make you knees shake, as he finally throws the boxers on the floor with rest of the clothes. leaving you both fully naked. listening to your silent begs he lays his hardness on your stomach body heavily pressing into you. legs tensely back around him kissing with vigor.

your still buzz all over. feeling like there is static in your limbs. the kiss had the flavor of you all over each others tongues. he trying to kiss you slow while you kiss with vigor. not caring on how he can almost not keep up with you. "jean i need it now, pleaseee" you struggle for breath against his lips. "i need you so bad" pleading so bad for him.

"i know, i know i'm sorry for making you wait so long baby" kissing you in pecks to quiet up your pleases. liking how you feel his girth tense against you hearing your cries. he has to look at where he plans to connect with you. legs having to get unattached from him, admiring you when your knees touch the bed by your waist, firmly in the sheets.

you look divine spread like this for him while you pout at him to hurry up. he gives you one last kiss as he adjust himself to have tip against you. not liking how you tense. as you looks down unhooking one leg to pushes his glasses up to examine you farther. "calm down baby" putting both hands back on the crook of your knees to finally enter you.

the tip slowly makes way into you. so wet that impaling you becomes easier for him. you clenched up and shiver at only a couple inches into you "you ok baby ?" you whine grabbing his back to push him into you more not caring for his concern. your fine, you just need more of him. "s-s-slow down i don't wanna hurt you" he can feel himself becoming sensitive. tip stinging as you try and control his movements. he breathes slow so he doesn't become overwhelmed.

he pushes slowly whining at the wetness that is swallowing him up. his arms becoming weak as he looks down at you to where you stretch more and more. thrusting with the small amount he has in inside of you. he starting to feel something itch in him he just wants to stuff you, but he has to be careful.

the thrusting allows him to make his way into your wetness. almost touching pelvises with him it's making him feel fuzzy. hands shaking on your pretty thighs.

you whine for him to push all the way into you, why is he taking so long? "jean gimme all of it, i need it so bad" he always fulfills your wishes, he pulls back his restraint so he can push all the way in, your moaning so much. it makes him worried with how your pelvis are all the way flushed with each other. looking down again almost causing his glasses to come off making him have to push them up again

you can't shut up your whines, so loud because your stomach feels so heavy. now he can start his feverish movements now that there is nothing else left to give you, pulling the tip all the way out to roll his length back into you.

rolling his hips makes you shake in his hold, he studies you like he does any book he reads. each shake and grind you do is another page in your book. making sure he memorize that page so his knowledge of you is saturated in his brain, along with everything else he's infatuated with.

he rolls them just a little hard into you making you walls clench up against him. so slimy inside he can easily slide in and out makes squelches as he tries to pull away but your walls keep him trapped. he is whining now starting to feel the tears brim his eyes

he read about things like this. sometimes when someone is so overwhelmed no matter if they are in euphoria or happiness, tears can flow in their way. whenever he is inside your snug walls he cries from the feeling.

soft pounding while he pushes himself past his limits. moving faster making him press your knees harder into the bed, grip almost too tight. "oh my god i love you so much, i love youuu" chest heaving with tears making the words barely come out.

his lanky body towering over you making you feel small, you like how it makes you feel. he's concerned though because even through foggy, teared vision he can see your lower lips stretch with difficulty and stomach move with each push of his hips.

what he can't see is inside, when he touches the end of your canal, there is a squishy sensation of it. he knows it's your cervix touching roughy with his tip. "jean your too deep" your legs wobbling, feeling him eye the movement in your stomach.

"i'm so sorry sweetheart" you love how even when he digging into your stomach, a crying mess and making you shake from pleasure he still is so sincere. you pull the upper half of his body onto yours by his neck. face centimeters from yours as you look at him into his eyes.

hips now moving with more urgency remaining eye contact. you seeing those pretty hazel green eyes water with tears behind those foggy glasses. mouth open as he pants out. legs still firmly in his hold feeling you trying to get them loose but he's too strong. "please say you love me back baby i need it" red in the face from his violent cries. holding his neck in a harsh hold you put your mouth by his ear panting at his thrust

"i love you so much, jean" starting kissing his ear he demands you say it again, when really it sounds like he's begging with his sniffles "i-i love you, i love you"

he moving faster, hearing the smack of each others skin. "ughhh again, again" he is so deep, feeling him hit the back of your walls is making you lurch forward but you to fulfill his wishes.

his strokes is in a rhythm that has you whole body shaking. he gives you a hard stroke "i said say it again, please !!" tears flowing onto your chest

"i love you jean, i love you so much !! oh my god i love youuuu" he is grinding into you knocking into your cervix. you gripping his neck so tight knowing he is almost there but you're right there with him. he is full on sobbing now crying into your neck.

he is treating you so good. you can't help but to tense all the way up barely letting him move inside because it's too much for you. he licks your earlobe broadly, he runs his tongue in the ridge of your ear "relax baby" he whispers right against your ear. he is so nasty under the nerdiness. spitting in your mouth, pounding into you, licking you ear. it all too much for you to handle. all while he cries and begs above you.

relaxing allows him to open you up again. rolling his hips so when the tips nearly leaves your opening he pushes back inside all the way to the hilt. legs shaking so hard you knows it's coming, the fire that you feel under your skin spreads from the forward thrust

he crying so hard into you skin humping you desperate for your cum. your love for him flowing out your mouth as you moan finally feeling it almost erupt in you. legs cramp so hard at the burst of juices that leave you to coat his stomach. your head thrashing against the sheets "ugh jean i-i loveee youuu" he bites his lip at your confirmation, tears hitting his nose and glasses.

so much is leaking out of you as you convulse under him. your eyes in the back off your heads just feeling the tears of jeans into your neck while he still rolls his hips into you. "i can't take it baby !!" legs trying to get out of the tight prison of his hands

"it's ok, i'm almost done" he kisses your jaw "i'm almost done baby i swear" glasses almost completely down his nose as he lifts his head out the crook of your neck. to look at your pretty face "you ok sweetheart ?" shaking your head yes fast contradicting your self needing more pleasure. seeing where you've been most neglected, he takes you taunt nipple that awaits for him in his mouth.

he suctions his lips sucking as hard as he can hips rotate in a circle in a hurried pace. tears coating your breast too. feeling hands keeping you secure. he so calculated with his movements making you silently scream out as you gripping him for everything he has. body weight pressing into as you feel him move harder into you twisting his tongue on your nipple.

juices spraying from you again in high pitch whines. making a wet mess all over him again. feeling him still his movement as he flush against you making full contact with you cervix pressing the tip onto it, crying so hard that his body shakes when you feel hot cream enter into you to laid right on your cervix, your whining so loud feeling the hotness of him in you. the jerking of him emptying inside you is knocking against that spot so deep making you moan out even more.

he lays on your chest, breast still in his mouth suckling. breathing hard trying to collect his breathe of crying and all of the physical intimacy he just finsished. he's hiccuping against you letting you both calm down. he's so sensitive he wants to pull of you as he becomes soft. but your so warm, breast tasting so sweet. legs still shaking in his grasp against the bed.

"jean my legs hurt" he looks down at your swolleness that swallows him, he lets the crock of you knees go. letting them shake at your sides, free from his harshness. he sniffles lifting his head from your breasts "i'm so sorry, i got carried away a little" he kisses you softly. seeing he stop crying, now that he's not as overwhelmed. you wrap your sore legs around his waist. keeping him all the way flush to you

not letting anything escape from you. "its ok, baby" you kiss his fluffy lips against yours. letting it be slow and sloppy, tongues gliding with each other. you pull away looking lovingly in his eyes, reaching to take off those glasses that have to be cleaned off. setting them next to you in bed "can you covers us up" he knows you don't want to be separate from him legs keeping him locked in while reaches for the askew blanket and covering you both.

his glasses off he can only see the outline of your pretty face as you smile at him. he grinds into your puffiness to get comfortable under the cool duvet. making you squeal. "jeannn" kissing your chest cuddling his head into your breasts.

latching on to your nipple as your rub his head of hair softly feel sleep invade your senses as feeling him softly suck. "goodnight jean i love you" keep his length inside you. you both fall asleep in each others hold loving that your nerdy boy can make you feel so good!!!

[birbbones]

Woahh a Pinned post for my blog!

Hi there! I'm birbbones (Lauren) and this is my blog.

Hi there! I’m Lauren, I’m a UK-based Outreach Museum Educator and Collections technician. On the side, I do freelance illustration and skeletal articulation for clients and for personal work. You’ll probably find posts about my collection, outreach work, and ongoing projects!

I currently am the owner of The Skull Index, which is a public resource website for vertebrate specimens. We are now a registered CIC which allows us to branch out on the project and continue working on freelance outreach workshops and educational talks under ‘The Skull Index’ name. We have a community discord server (18+) which is a huge hub for museum industry professionals, students or visitors, its a great networking resource AND we have channels specific to anything vulture culture too!

Helpful tags!

#my collection - A collection of specimens in my personal collection. #the skull index - Posts about The Skull Index Project.  #asks - Questions, Chats and other asks by users. (Please send me asks! I love answering questions!!) #skeletal-articulation - Skeletons, Articulation work. #skulls - Skulls of vertebrate specimens, from personal collection or other people’s posts.

Other places to find me: Instagram - Birbbones

Art portfolio Website

[caveat-canine]

someone interesting just had to be blocked from my page and I usually don't share my outright opinions on things but I didn't know it was such a big thing in the community so here goes?

In typical scavenger fashion, I'm into vulture culture. I've never seen anyone in the vc community ever preach anything unethical but we do get compared to taxidermists and such quite often, which is alright since the venn diagram of that tends to be a big ol circle.

The collection and trade of animal remains isn't a black and white topic. There's ethical ways to obtain animal remains. There's unethical ways to obtain animal remains. Here's a little biased breakdown about how I feel about these ways.

Fur farms, hunting for sport, trophy hunting, and poaching- not ok.

Gathering roadkill/naturally deceased remains, hunting for food, using as much of a carcass as possible- ok and great.

Animal remains do not automatically equate to animal abuse/exploitation. I think it's important to critically think about things like this, especially in the nonhuman/therian community. It can be uncomfortable seeing remains of your species. Your personal discomfort does not automatically make something wrong, though.

Little rant/story time:

Most of the bones I have, I've found myself. I usually vulture in the woods near my house, but a few times have been lucky enough vulture on farmland owned by a horse rancher my mom used to work for. She has several hundred acres of land, but she's elderly and widowed so a lot of the forest isn't kept up with. A group of 20- something year olds decided to start dumping deer in a pit in the middle of the woods- that's where I found my buck skull. He's missing his antlers, because he was poached. Unethically killed? Yes. Unethically sourced? Up to you.

I have a fox, mink, and coyote skull, along with three rabbit pelts for my altar space, and a coyote tooth. All of them were purchased at my local powwow. Unethically sourced? Now I'm a white dude, so I can't really speak on this, but look me in the eyes and tell me indigenous hunting is unethical, and you will get laughed at, at the least.

My friend has a bat skeleton she's re-articulating. She found it dehydrated on the ground at her college campus and after an entire fiasco of the bio team taking care of it for a bit, it unfortunately passed. And now the skeleton is being used for education. Ethically sourced? They did all they could to save it.

My point? All three of these examples are different situations that aren't "fur farms" or "trophy hunting". Having a fox tail that was bought from some etsy seller who repurposes roadkill isn't inherently BAD. Finding a cool skull in the woods and keeping it to feel closer to nature isn't unethical.

Hell. If you/your family bought something from a fur farm because no one knew better? Now you know better, but treat it with respect.

Respect and education is what's going to change things, not calling others evil for having a hobby or an interest.

[olderthannetfic]

The main problem that I have with Youtubers who attempt to approach media analysis and fandom through theory and academia is that the vast majority aren't academics. Just being in undergrad isn't actually enough, contrary to the thoughts of many. Reading a Wikipedia article and reiterating what one may find in some Google, even Google Scholar, searches. Ideally, these would be topics approached by people involved in academia as a profession, people with doctoral degrees, who can discuss complex topics in a way that is easily understood by the masses. "What is the negotiation between gender and sex in BL?" "How does CMBYN articulate/complicate hierarchal roles within the gay novel?" "Could SnK express an alternative reading of the formerly isolated Japan?" These are complicated questions they attempt to answer in their video essays when they seldom ever understand the theories they employ.

Yes, I understand this can sound elitist, but as a Black afab person who is currently in a doctoral program for literature, there aren't "easy" answers to any of the questions they attempt to pose, and many Youtubers who primarily make long-form video essays lack the life experience and expertise to sufficiently discuss anything. They're usually too set in their thoughts to answer or explore the broader implications of their claims. Defending a dissertation forces you to do this. Forming a committee of experts in various fields and convincing them to aid you in the development of your dissertation forces you to do this. Being in academic and cordial communication with your peers from all over the world in your field forces you to do this. It's not easy to constantly intake new information from various eras and nations (depending on your topic), meld this information into a coherent essay, and continually make edits as you learn new information, thus changing your outlook on things. Also: it's really petty of me, but it's also incredibly annoying to grade poorly researched undergrad essays who, after some prompting in office hours, say they got these ideas on books, movies, and shows from breadtubers like Somerton, SZ, FD Signifier, or hbomberguy. Cue: me going to watch their videos and realizing they have no idea what they're talking about 88% of the time in terms of theory and application of said theory. Even the ones who frame themselves on being educators in real life, like Signifier, lack any nuance, depth, or media literacy to make a compelling argument if you know even the slightest bit of information. On the bright side, I now know why I've encountered several students with ideologies that are basically conservatism with a veneer of progressivism, or "conservatism in a queer hat."

This concludes my long-winded way of saying "Don't turn to Youtubers for media analysis. You're better off just reading articles by people who have to actually know what they're talking about. The majority of Youtubers (especially the breadtubers) don't have the bandwidth to discuss anything more complex than an episode of Blue's Clues."

--

I mostly agree, but I'd point to a slightly different problem. I'm hesitant to say that the PhD itself is the deciding factor, but I do think a lot of video essayists are insufficiently prepared.

I'm a big fan of Folding Ideas who does have some formal schooling in film, but I don't think it's that education per se that makes him great. He sets himself apart from other video essayists by actually doing his research and having an in-depth approach to his subjects. He doesn't resort to clickbait, and—here's the key—he often takes months or even a year to work on something.

Honestly, I think that's a big part of it: the hoops most youtubers who want to make a living at it have to jump through involve a lot of clickbait and pandering and a fast production schedule. They don't involve reputable peer review except by the court of shriek-y public opinion on twitter.

They'd like to present themselves as documentary filmmaking (which is essentially what Folding Ideas' longer videos are), but they don't actually live up to any of the usual standards of that either.

I think it can be elitist to say that someone needs to have certain letters after their name, yes, but what really strikes me about your average youtube media analysis type and the fanbase is that they want shortcuts.

Exploring the whole history of the gay novel so that you have enough background to talk about CMBYN means reading quite a few novels. Even if you decide to throw out all past scholarly opinion on the topic (which you shouldn't), if you're going to have a meaningful personal theory, you need to have read a lot of novels first. How can you hope to be the person providing the neat overview of the whole genre if you haven't familiarized yourself widely with said genre, and not just through a summary by someone else? That amount of reading doesn't happen overnight.

The trite, surface-level media analysis online is often from people who want to be hailed as great intellectuals but who aren't willing to put in the years it takes to do all the background reading and to develop their skills in argumentation, writing, etc.

Grad school is a convenient and probably faster way to go about all that, but I think you could do it outside of a formal framework... But you would need to actually do it.

I think it's driven by a bunch of people who were The Smart One in grade school and never learned how to work hard on long-term projects instead of pushing through in a sprint. They're used to relying on being the smartest to cut corners and do things before they get bored, only they probably aren't the smartest anymore anyway, and they mistake being smart at one thing for being smart at all things.

There's a real lack of respect for the entire concept of expertise.

[our-transmasculine-experience]

Kinda adding on to the other anon talking about discussions of trans issues in school: I took a philosophy class in high school. One of the topics was identity & the self, and one of the examples my teacher used for this topic was trans identities. Problem was, the question he wanted us to answer was essentially: "This (probably cisgender) philosophy professor thinks that transitioning is similar to other changes in life, like moving countries, getting married, etc. However, this other (probably cisgender) philosophy professor thinks that that's not right because trans people say they always were their gender, whereas you don't say that you always were part of a country you moved to. Which one do you think is right?"

At the time, I'd realised I was trans a couple months prior, but I was very much closeted. And I remember feeling super uncomfortable with that question, but not really being able to articulate why. I remember struggling to answer it because of that, thinking about switching to another question, and ending up not studying that whatsoever. (My ADHD didn't help things, either.)

I went to a pretty progressive high school - it had tons of POC students, an environment club, and a QSA. And in this same philosophy class, we all took a political compass test, and nearly all of us got LibLeft. The issue is, there's still anti-trans bias in even the most progressive schools, it's just usually more indirect. But it still hurts.

But there's a good ending to this story, luckily! I'm now at university, and I decided to take a Gender Studies elective for fun. My professor was a 40yo trans man who was super chill and a great teacher, I seriously admire him. I wrote my final essay about biological essentialism & homo/transphobia, and I just found out that I got a 90/100 for it!

TL:DR: Listen to trans people when talking about the trans experience in education, for the sake of accuracy, and also for the sake of the awkward closeted trans kid sitting in the back of class!

the awkward closeted queer kid in the back of the class is something that i think all of us can relate to!

yeah, it blows my mind how some people are more willing to believe cis people on trans issues rather than trans people themselves. i think it’s because cis people sometimes say what the crowd wants to hear versus what is true.

and that class sounds awesome!

[sodasa-was-taken]

Hope you don't mind praise in the form of outdated memes, but:

As someone who grew up thinking I wasn't really interested in the romance genre, only to discover later on that queer romances (particularly sapphic ones) *were* interesting to me, I never gave a lot of thought about the rules of romance genre stories, so thank you for the education : )

I don't mind at all. Thank you so much. I don't think I can express how happy it makes me to know that people like my writing as making edutainment has been a passion of mine since elementary school.

As an activist it's great that I'm able to give people the tools to understand just how inaccurate a lot of homophobic rhetoric and the like truly is. I hope to bring people confidence in their interpretations, so they don't feel the need to be on the defensive as much and can instead use their energy on something else.

It's still wild to me that people like my analyses as I've always been told that the romance genre is frivolous and I have seen very few analyses on romance in fiction and the ones I have seen have been about its more problematic elements. Well articulated praise of romances is hard to come by. Although, I would be amiss not to mention that some comments I've read on AO3 have come close.

It's also infuriating to me that some of the most well-known contemporary romances are horrendous. I've lost count of the times I've told someone that I love romances and the first thing they mention is fifty shades. That story is to good romance what molten grape juice is to fine wine.

On a happier note, my knowledge of the romance genre made my reaction to G-Witch quite different from a lot of other people, at least from what I've seen. The times I've been the most wrong was when I misjudged what plot beat the story was at but otherwise it appears that my predictions were some of the most accurate I've seen. The most significant being a) how others were happy about Miorine comforting Prospera, while I saw Miorine's insecurity acting up and was filled with dread, and (b that I waited mildly impatiently for things to go from bad to worse so that Suletta and Miorine could be reunited, while others either joked about Suletta going full villain mode or was afraid that Suletta and Miorine was done for good. Because I saw the show as a romance I thought Miorine was going to push Suletta away to protect her, that Suletta would have to come to realize that what her mother was doing was wrong before her and Miorine could be united, and that Miorine would have to think that it was wrong to force Suletta away from her mother before they could get back together for good. It turned out I was right. And people say that focusing on shipping is a bad thing. Their loss, I say.

Again, thank you. Posting on here has been such a positive experience for me thanks to people like you.

[seaofwine]

i've been offline - at least off tumblr - for about a month at this point. this has been for many reasons, but there are a couple that i want to talk about. first: i find it incredibly difficult to articulate what my practice is now. while it is still deeply rooted in arkadian reconstructionism, there is so little about tegea that exists in the written record. at this point, i am okay saying that i have shared what i can.

to be honest, the further along in my practice I get, the harder it becomes to put down in words. in short: i feel less confident sharing religious content online. the ways people experience the divine will be as varied as there are worshippers, which is a good thing. religion is meant to be personal to you.

for me, i'm at a stage in life & my religious practice where i see now just how much i don't know. sometimes that is the wisest thing you can say.

Athena is as vast as the cosmos, with so much knowledge i cannot even begin to comprehend. i can tell you about her epithets, i can tell you what they mean to me. she is my goddess (said with the reverence of 'my captain, my captain'), i am devoted to her, i revere her; but she is beyond my understanding. i don't understand divinity, and i would not speak on their behalf.

i have received asks in the past that i struggled to answer; things like, "how do i know Athena is reaching out to me?" or, "what offerings does she like?" I can tell you that, at least during Panathenaea, that a peplos was placed on her altar; a gift from the weavers of the city for her festival. I can tell you the story i was told by a mythographer in Athens, of how glaukopis came to denote the color blue. i can tell you that olives and olive oils are lovely offerings, or that it could be nice to crochet, knit, or weave an altar cloth. all of these things can be sought out and sourced.

i can't source the personal things. i can't tell you to do what i do, because i don't always know why i do it. i know that Athena is there because she meets me where i am. i sew and weave as a devotional act, so when i was having a bad day, i knew she was there when i stepped over a spool of thread on my way home. i love owls and collect them for her, so i knew she was there with me during the most nerve-wracking exam of my life when i looked out the window and was face-to-face with an advertisement for a company whose logo was a giant cartoon owl.

that being said, it makes sense then that i'm also personally uncomfortable with and wary of the influx of people claiming to be priests and priestesses. i won't rehash it because @loemius made a great post (literally the one underneath this one) addressing the fact that titles hold weight.

e-temples are a great way to connect with people & to express your worship in a subtle way, especially if you cannot openly worship at home. i think they are wonderful. however, any community with implied or enforced hierarchies centered around religious expression are things to be cautious about. this is doubly the case if these are run by minors.

i've been trying to work on a collaborative post about modern priesthood, but i keep coming back to the same problem. the structures that allowed for & educated Hellenic polytheist priests just don't exist in an accessible way today. in short: i don't know.

people are fallible, people make mistakes. always do your due diligence to double-triple-check the things people are telling you online, myself included.

[artsyaech]

going into next year, remember to keep fighting for disability and mental health rights!

[PT: going into next year, remember to keep fighting for disability and mental health rights!]

remember to:

put image IDs and plain-text on posts

tag eyestrain and flash warnings (DO NOT use #epilepsy, that puts epileptic people in more danger)

remember to tag potential triggers! (very important, i hate it when posts include my triggers and don't tag it)

remember that hyperfixating on / having a special interest in a problematic thing does NOT mean you're a bad person, as long as you acknowledge the problems with it. also, i can't believe this isn't talked about more, but a hatred for a thing can also turn into a hyperfixation / special interest! example: i had a hyperfixation on harry potter in a way that i absorbed criticisms of it and knew everything about it, but only because i wanted to be able to articulate how much i hate it and why. hyperfixation / special interest in something does not mean you like it / endorse it! (rant over)

PLEASE stop clogging up disability tags with fanfiction. yes, it's good that you're representing disabilities, but instead try tagging it with #disabled character or #disabled reader or something of the sort.

something i wanna leave in 2023, but unfortunately don't think will be going away soon is ableist / saneist slang or slang that makes light of disabilities / mental health. examples of this include: "delulu", "letting the intrusive thoughts win", "psycho", "schizo" (when referring to something that has nothing to do with schizophrenia), "bipolar" (when referring to something that has nothing to do with bipolar disorder), "sociopath", "psychopath", "narcissist" + MANY more

please stop infantilizing autistic people. i'm so tired of being treated like a baby.

c-punk is NOT an aesthetic and it is exclusively for physically disabled people. and if you're not physically disabled, call it c-punk.

uplift disabled and mentally ill voices.

below is a list of disabled creators you can support!

@my-autism-adhd-blog. summer (she/they) talks about their life as an autistic individual who has ADHD. super cool blog!

@cripplecharacters. a group of mods help answer questions about writing disabled characters. learned a lot from them.

@mogai-transcriber. (nameless) (she/he/it) describes mogai posts.

@accessmogai. reign (she/her) is a great mogai transcriber too. high quality IDs for all

@cpunkwitch. super cool witchy blog. cassandra (it/he/her/neos/none) is super cool and it's nice to hear a disabled voice in the pagan community.

@crippledpunks. cool positivity blog that talks about disability and educates on cpunk

@accessfashion. multiple mods add image descriptions to outfits. super epic stuff.

@cane-you-dig-it. disability and cpunk stuff. also just a super cool and talented individual.

@autistic-af. i wish she was my aunt, she's super sweet and her cat posts always make my day!

@crippled-peeper. relatable posts tbh.

@crippled-dinosaur. dino (it/he) talks about physical disabilities and cpunk

+ many more! feel free to add to this list

[meirimerens]

absolutely gorgeous art. genuinely made me see the beauty in life.

and your writing? brother. (<- in tears)

one thing i want to ask you:

so we see Farkhad mainly through the Stamatin's view, i feel.

do you have any thoughts on Farkhad as a person? how he was as a kid? or a teenager? or is he for you only "existent" as an extension of the Stamatins? as this mysterious being... if you catch my drift.

THANK YOOUUU 🫶🫶🫶 very touched... the world is so beautiful and i can only try to approach its beauty. & more writing to come soon but this time it's evil.

and ok. ok. hehe. [1-frame glitch where i appear as an evil dog smiling] ok. hahaha héhéhé okay so basically.

farkhad's purposefully ambiguous to me, by me, through m(e/y telling of him). this is his design. this is paramount to his comprehension of him as a character to me. he is to me, but also to the real, lived and played, experienced narrative of the game, exclusively alive as an extension of the stamatins - it is them who give him (t)his game. there would be no farkhad without the twins, for it is them who named him this. he is nameless without them. however, and it is perhaps better articulated this way, more than being an extension of the stamatins... they are an extension of him. when i design him based on 18th-early 20th century persian portraiture it is because i anchor him, his physicality, in an art that predates the narrative, even his life as it is experienced by the twins. when i joke he was sculpted on the Achaemenid friezes, i mean it, when i joke he spoke(/speaks) ancient arameic by having been there when it was spoken, i mean it. and i don't. i'm fucking wit you and i'm not. this is what happened to the twins as well. this is something that i'm currently exploring in my current WIP but the way i conceptualize him is like..... a greek or roman myth. in the same way a character from greek & roman literature can have multiple stories of their births, multiple stories of who their parents are, multiple stories of what their symbols and associations are depending on the region, on the time period, on the people who worshipped and read (or despised and tried to burn out of the records); this is what he is happening to him.

i do believe he has a story, a place of birth, parents, even a sibling. I think he has a younger sister who resembles him a lot. where he is a sculptor and an architect and only incidentally is a musician, she is a musician by trade as well as a dancer. both of his parents were well-educated, relatively middle class. they also owned ancient art, which very young gave him his liking for creation. it was obvious he was gay as a child, in ways that translated in a great artistic potential, and his parents encouraged him in that path and kinda... pretended-to-not-see the gay thing, because they saw the artistic potential, and found himself having to accept that one influenced the other. i believe he is an Aquarius - this mysterious sign which appears to be of water, but is actually of air (this sign which is just before last: prelude of closing of the zodiac year, he is closing of everything around. he is the closing statement; everything comes after him).

and i don't.

you know what i mean?

[grison-in-space]

"that ability to just modify your perspective and step into the context someone else is wrestling with and listen, that's such an upsettingly rare skill for knowledge workers and healthcare workers... if you ask people why they're struggling, you can fix it and build a better process!"

You might be interested to know that when I was in pharmacy school, those patient interviewing skills mentioned by you and clockworkcrow in that reblog chain about provider burnout were taught to us as a set of techniques known as "motivational interviewing." It's not really in the scope of the personal vs systemic interventions that that reblog chain is about, but one of the revelational takeaways that I got from learning them was the idea that the healthcare provider cannot assume that their goals for care line up with the patient's; sometimes, the patient really doesn't care about the treatment or its outcomes because they have different goals of care in mind, and eliciting those goals during interviewing (because a lot of the time people are not at all articulate about what they want out of life) is a kind of ongoing step one.

I'm also curious if you or the MDs in this discussion have ever encountered ambulatory care pharmacists practicing the approaches that clockworkcrow talks about? I ask because listening to patients, identifying patient-specific blocks to care, and addressing them was something we were taught to do in pharmacy school (because our program pushed us toward ambulatory care). But since I didn't go into ambcare after graduating, I'm unsure both how much of an impact it has/how widespread such practices actually are, and whether ambcare practitioners actually, on the whole, put their money where the educators' mouths are. Can ambcare clinics actually make a systemic difference?

Oh! I had no idea they taught y'all those skills, but then I don't actually think I've ever had a conversation with a pharmacist about meds beyond a perfunctory question about whether I know what side effects there are. In general I am not used to pharmacists, doctors, or other medical professionals like psychiatrists taking a lot of time to really listen to me. Some of that is probably that all my main health complaints are things that feel normal to me and some is probably that I am a chronic minimizer--like I said in that discussion, it's a coping method.

I have never heard the term "ambulatory care" -- oh, it's outpatient care. Yeah, okay, let's use a specific physical issue: I can't run for more than about two to three without finding myself unable to breathe. This has been a thing for essentially my entire life, and in middle school we did running with heart monitors, so even apart from the physical experience of not being able to breathe and having to stop and take great heaving breaths of air, I was aware that objectively my heart rate was going up very fast no matter how hard I tried.

(We are talking "run until you start getting black spots in your vision, then walk until you can just barely breathe again, and then run, rinse and repeat. Literally the only kid slower than me was excused entirely from running because one leg was an inch shorter than the other.) No one around me seemed to think there was anything unusual about this or that I was anything besides just physically lazy, so I kind of wrote it off until my mid twenties. I mean, I'd been visibly struggling with extended physical exercise my whole life, and no one had called it remarkable yet, but friends were telling me it wasn't normal to experience those kinds of breathing issues, so...

I presented myself with this complaint to a nurse practitioner who basically told me I was just fat and needed to exercise more. I pushed past this and was grudgingly scheduled for an ecg (normal) and a peak flow test (astoundingly poor). There was no explanation presented for the peak flow except that I was out of shape and needed (guess what?) more exercise. Tried a pulmonologist, who confirmed it was not exercise induced asthma (which I had been sort of hoping, because there are fixes for that) and told me I was basically fine.

I more or less gave up until a dentist idly mentioned that my airway was very, very small and told me that micrognathia was something I should look into: my airways might be occluded. So I went to an ENT, who also immediately tried to tell me I was basically fine but did grudgingly agree to scope my airways... and discovered major blockages from my tongue (insufficient room in my jaw, so it gets shoved backwards over the airway), my nasal turbinates (swollen almost completely shut), and I forget what else. It was incredibly exciting to have a reason.

Okay, I say, what do I do with this? Exercise more? But I want to do that, I just can't breathe. I was aware that there is a surgery to artificially extend the jaw; it involves breaking the jaw and encouraging it to heal while maintaining space between the halves. So I brought this up. He was very dubious about this. I asked for a referral anyway and was referred to a plastic surgeon. The surgeon was perplexed by what I wanted to talk about and had clearly expected me to have come in for a cosmetic procedure like a nose job. Eventually I got too exhausted to follow up further; I've been meaning to resume this thing for like six years now.

Generally, my experience of doctors is that they have been trained to be suspicious of patient accounts that don't fit a very specific narrative, and that they are impatient to get on to the next thing unless you are very proactive about your own care. If you don't have a condition in mind that you can point them at without making them decide you're med seeking, they are quick to tell you that you are just making things up in your head. There are a few exceptions but I cannot underscore enough how rare I have found them to be.

And they will all tell you to exercise and lose weight as a first line of response. Not that I'm bitter.

Now, actually working in healthcare, @scientia-rex or @clockworkcrow might have more relevant commentaries than I do. But my experience in this field has not been, to put it mildly, great. Let's not even talk about my history of psychiatric care.

[kabillieu]

When my big kid was first diagnosed, one thing that upset me was that I thought in order to properly advocate for him I had to turn into a mama bear adversarial type of person with an encyclopedic knowledge of his diagnoses. I thought I would have to become a completely different person who rearranged my life around his therapies and doctors appointments and education. I did not want to be this person. I still don't. But that was the only model I could find for an "autism parent." If I did anything differently or if I was less intense about interventions, I felt like I would fail him.

Well, for better or worse, I could not be that person even if I wanted to. I am better at communicating with teachers and administrators now, but I am not a "mama bear" about it. While he did do speech and physical therapy for a while, we chose not to do ABA (which is the standard intensive autism therapy) because it never made sense with regards to how he is personally affected by autism. And then it turns out, among actually autistic adults, there is a lot of skepticism about how helpful ABA is. A lot of people find it abusive, in fact.

The only way I have changed because of my son's autism diagnosis is that I am a much more empathetic person now, with an expansive view of human social behavior. I see neurodiversity everywhere, and I think it is a wonderful thing that we are all so different and quirky as human beings, that we all bring different talents and gifts to the table of humanity. I believe in adaptive devices and supports. I believe in giving others the benefit of the doubt when they express truths about themselves. I believe that the way people experience the world is varied and complex, and that not only is that okay, it's natural and good.

I have a lot more empathy for myself. I used to think I had a lot of faults: a poor memory, poor spacial perception, an inability to articulate my thoughts when under stress, shyness, anxiety, etc. Now I see those traits through a lens of neurodiversity. My brain works differently than other people's, and that's okay because--while I don't have great recall for facts or statistics--I am a deep and curious thinker who is often perceptive and able to make thoughtful connections across various subject matter. I can write very beautiful poetry. I can be a kind person. I am emotionally intelligent.

Anyway, I tell myself mean things sometimes, I can't help it. But being the mother of a neurodivergent child has deepened my understanding of the world instead of hardened me to it, and for that I'm grateful.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Carl Sagan: There's two kinds of dangers.

One is what I just talked about, that we've arranged a society based on science and technology in which nobody understands anything about science and technology, and this combustible mixture of ignorance and power, sooner or later, is going to blow up in our faces. I mean, who is running the science and technology in a democracy if the people don't know anything about it?

And the second reason that I'm worried about this is that science is more than a body of knowledge. It's a way of thinking. A way of skeptically interrogating the universe with a fine understanding of human fallibility.

If we are not able to ask skeptical questions, to interrogate those who tell us that something is true, to be skeptical of those in authority, then we're up for grabs for the next charlatan political or religious who comes ambling along.

It's a thing that Jefferson laid great stress on. It wasn't enough, he said, to enshrine some rights in a Constitution or a Bill of Rights. The people had to be educated, and they had to practice their skepticism and their education. Otherwise we don't run the government—the government runs us.

Charlie Rose: Jefferson was amazing in his devotion to science.

Sagan: Absolutely.

Rose: We think of Jefferson as this man who was literate and who was a passionate articulator of freedom, but if you go to Monticello, what you appreciate is he was at heart a scientist, a botanist, an architect, geologist. And if you, Meriwether Lewis, as we now know from Steven Ambrose, he wanted him to go out and do experimentations and explore and be skeptical and find answers to passages and explore the West.

Sagan: Exactly right. And there was also an economic grail there if the northwest passage was found. Jefferson said that he was at heart a scientist, that he would have loved to have been a scientist. But there were certain events happening in America that called to him, and so he devoted his life to that kind of politics.

Rose: A revolution.

Sagan: Indeed. So that generations later people could be scientists.

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Out of curiosity, why are you anti feminist? your whole set up here is kind of odd to me but this specifically baffles me (not out of hate or anything, just genuine ‘what is happening here’ energy). Feminism is just the supporting of gender equality so I don’t understand

-sincerely, some random feminist dude on the internet

Also, I hope your father is okay

Regarding my dad--thank you. The masses turned out not to be cancerous and he had his surgery and is all good now!

Onto the rest:

I'm curious what you mean by your whole set up here is kind of odd to me. Why is it odd?

Feminism is just the supporting of gender equality so I don’t understand

That may be what it technically means, but how people are upholding the movements makes me question it. And I'm not the only one. While I don't view all feminists negatively, I think quite a few have this distorted view of what equality is.

First off, I disagree that feminism as a movement cares about men's issues as much as they claim to. That's not to say that feminists as a whole don't care, because there are those that do and that's great. But they'll often say that feminism is for men too, that they've done more for men's rights than the men's rights movement has, etc. But then they'll immediately contradict this. Consider the reaction that you'll see if men's issues are brought up. If you don't have a problem with it, then you shouldn't be getting angry. But that's what happens. We're told that women suffer more on X issue (whether that is true or not, because sometimes the research is skewed) so they should be our priority. We're also told that it's not a woman's job to fix men and their issues. But that's not what majority of us, I'd say, are seeking. I know I want acknowledgment of these issues. I want there to be less hypocrisy and double standards. I don't think that's too much to ask for.

There's far too much pushback against criticism and questions. Now granted, this may not represent everyone's experiences and I get that. But it's been mine and it's something I've seen on various posts online. I understand that they probably get plenty of questions that are not in good faith, they probably get plenty of assumptions too. I get that. I've dealt with that as well. But there can't be this unwillingness to engage with people unless they agree with you. There can't be an unwillingness to answer questions because you* think it's not your job to educate them. You have to understand how that looks. It looks like you can't properly articulate your point, it looks like you don't have much of a point and it weakens your group and what you stand for.

There's a lack of accountability. I know that with a movement as big as this, it's not something that can be easily wrangled up and fixed. I'm not looking for perfection. What am I looking for more feminists to acknowledge the problems within the feminism movement. Oftentimes, this doesn't happen. I'm told that I simply do not understand feminism and what it's truly about. If I give an example of something that I find to be a problem, I'm usually told those aren't "real feminists." That just feels like a huge cop out. You can't just say that those people aren't feminists because it doesn't erase what's happening. It doesn't erase the terrible things they say. It doesn't erase what we're seeing on those social media pages. Those people will still see themselves as feminists. They'll still keep saying what they're saying while packaging it as feminism. Instead of trying to pretend that they're not part of the movement, there should be more effort in trying to combating that. Speak up. Speak up against the hypocrisy (example: body shaming is bad but penis shaming is different because with how you're acting, you probably have a small penis so it's okay. Or denying it altogether by claiming that only men care about their size).

I want to go back to my first point-I didn't want to make it too long. Men are told conflicting things about their own issues. They'll be told that if they want X issue to be discussed then they need to go make their own post instead of expecting feminists to do it. Okay, so they make their own post but suddenly that's not alright either. That's taken as a sign that they don't care about women's issues. For example, by talking about false accusations, you don't care about actual rape victims or you see all women as liars. That isn't true. And while I don't believe that false accusations occur as little as 2%, 2% isn't zero. There are still men that are suffering and having their lives turned upside down by those accusations. They don't simply cease to happen just because you don't talk about them. Talking about false accusations don't hurt rape victims. False accusations hurt rape victims.

I could go on. But I think this is enough. I hope this answers your question, though I can elaborate further if you wish

*I don't mean you. I just mean in general