#If no to the above pay me motherfuckers or BYE.

[drumlincountry]

The job I just quit asked me to join their board of management. Why do people want me on their board of management so bad. One time an organisation rejected my job application in the same email as asking if i'd serve on their board. Pay me, motherfuckers.

[patorucho]

QSMP LANGUAGE DAY‼️ HAVE SOME FILIPINO* TRANSLATIONS NOW THAT OUR LANGUAGE HAS BEEN ADDED :D

*Note: This will be one dialect, which is the most common dialect, Tagalog. People tend to say Tagalog = Filipino, but it's just really the most used dialect

Hi/Hello = Magandang Araw/Umaga/Gabi

We have no informal way of greetings other than just saying Hi or Hello, so we say Good day/Morning/Evening

Until next time = Hanggang sa susunod

No informal or formal way of saying bye other than just saying Bye

The Federation = Ang Federasyon

No direct translation of Federation, we change spellings sometimes of English words to fit

Eggs = Mga Itlog ▪︎ Egg = Itlog

Plural words tend to have "mga" before the noun, we don't usually add s or es at the end

The Code = Ang Kode

Same as above, change of spelling. We don't have c's or some letters in our alphabet so it's ABKD (Ah-Ba-Ka-Da) <- ABCs

Mom = Nanay ▪︎ Dad = Tatay

Child = Anak ▪︎ Grandchild = Apo ▪︎ Sibling = Kapatid ▪︎ Niece/Nephew = Pamangkin

Our language doesn't usually gender words, so daughter or son would just boil down to "anak"

Eldest [Child] = Panganay ▪︎ Youngest [Child] = Bunso

Usually people will address others or kids as "bunso" which is youngest. If we finally get Filo streamers and they call their eggs or other eggs "panganay" or "bunso", there you go!

He/She/They (singular) = Siya ▪︎ They (plural) = Sila

Sure = Sige ▪︎ Yes = Oo ▪︎ No = Hindi ▪︎ Not allowed = Bawal

*Bawal is like saying "you're not allowed". "Bawal kumain" is "You're not allowed to eat"

Gossip = Chika/Chismis

Motherfucker = Putang Ina

Some informal spelling would have it together as "putangina" or slang as "tangina"

Shit/Fuck = Puta

Idiot = Bobo ▪︎ Stupid = Gago ▪︎ Dumb = Tanga

These are slang terms or more rather, insults, for being an idiot. Do this what you will with Foolish's name

Girlfriend/Boyfriend = Kasintahan

Love = Mahal

This can also mean expensive

Duck = Bibe ▪︎ Rabbit = Kuneho

Money = Pera

If you were to say the currency of money, we use Pesos (peh-sos) <- instead of pay-sos

The Island = Ang Isla

We hope you enjoy the Island = Umaasa kami na masiyahan ka sa Isla

For informal use, say "Sana na masiyahan ka sa Isla".

Some Slang:

Sana all = [If] only all

Used when others have something that you want. "Sana all may girlfriend :-(" = "If only [everyone] had a girlfriend :-("

Mamser/s = Ma'am + Sir/s

Slang for addressing all, like ladies and gentleman but in slang

Bading = Gay

Not actual slang translation, but feel free to use this LOL + also a lot of queer filos (me) like to just say bading a lot LMFAO

KKB (Kanyang Kanyang Bayad) = "Pay with your own money"

Used when you're going out with friends and don't treat each other to paid meals. Pay on your own!

Aq = Ako = I

I personally tend to abbreviate ako as "aq" as the pronounciation is sort of the same where the q sounds like "ku" so it sounds like "aku" or ako in an informal setting

Huy/Hoy = Hey

Said usually outside as Huyyyyy or Uy. Huy is like "Heyyyyyy" while Hoy is like "HEY!" (think of it as OI!)

Shet = Shit ▪︎ Pak = Fuck ▪︎ Pakyu = Fuck you

Kyut = Cute

Pa kyut = To be cute, not to be confused with Pak-yu

This is all I could come up with for now, feel free to add more! Hanggang sa susunod! Mwah mwah kis kis

[gallavictorious]

Gallavich Week Day 5: Fix-It / Rewrite

Right, so fix-its aren’t so much my jam, but there is this one weird, weird, weird thing that I’ve (so far) been unable to meta into any sort of sense. Namely, Mickey looking like that in season 11 while apparently not working out. It’s just… uh… he… what? At one point I hypothesized that he’s been bitten by a radioactive spider or the like, leaving him magically super buff, and to be honest, that’s still the most reasonable explanation I can think of, soooo…

Today I'm back at my nonsense to bring you, everyone and especially our dear @gallavichthings, 2,711 Very Serious words about Mickey being a secret superhero. Well. Except for the hero bit.

Read it below or on AO3.

---

In Which Mickey Milkovich Does Not Save the World

Afterwards, he would always refer to it as the radioactive motherfucker bug from hell, but the truth is that Mickey never saw the thing that got him.

He was going about his business (namely poking around the Gallagher basement for any forgotten shit he could sell for beer money now that all the cash from the wedding had been surreptitiously replaced with I.O.U:s) when he felt a sudden, sharp pain just above his ankle. Cursing up a storm, he desperately waved his foot around and lost his balance and stumbled straight into one of the many piles of boxes that littered the basement. By the time he was back on his feet whatever creature that had dug its nasty little teeth/pincers/claws into his tender flesh had scurried off, leaving Mickey with a throbbing ache and a halfway impressive puncture wound on his left leg.

Muttering darkly about fucking Gallaghers being so used Frank they didn’t know how to keep goddamned monster vermin out of their shitty house Mickey limped up the stairs to pour some Jamison on the wound, and then pour some down his throat because he had the bottle out already so he might as well. He borrowed one of Franny’s colourful pirate-patterned band-aids, and when his nosy as fuck ex-EMT of a husband asked about it later that evening Mickey said he’d dropped a can on his foot, it’s just a scratch, man, no you don’t need to take a look at it, just put your fingers back in my ass, please.

Mickey didn’t make a habit of lying to Ian, but he figured that telling the truth would lead to all sorts of questions about why he was in the basement and having to come up with plausible explanation for that when he should just be focusing on getting railed wasn’t part of his plans for the evening. Besides, it wouldn’t be fair to Ian, who’d been getting so worked up over money lately, to distract him with that sort of unimportant stuff while they were banging. Mickey was a considerate spouse.

Thankfully, Ian dropped the subject and proceeded to do his husbandly duty. Mickey went to sleep deeply satisfied.

He was almost as satisfied the next morning when he woke up to realize that the pain in his leg was gone, as were all traces of the wound itself. Mickey had always healed pretty fast, but this was quick enough to have him questioning whether or not he’d really been bitten/stung/whatever at all. Maybe he’d had more beers than he thought and imagined the whole thing… ?

It didn’t really matter, and if that had been the whole of it Mickey was likely to soon have forgotten all about the radioactive motherfucker bug from hell. However, in the next few weeks he started noticing stuff, weird stuff. For instance, it wasn’t just the (possibly imagined) bite/sting that healed far more quickly than normal; it was all the little cuts and scrapes he tended to acquire. A big bruise from running into the table while playing with Franny; faded to nothing the next morning. A cut from the razor; gone within the hour. For the first time he could remember, Mickey looked at his naked body in the mirror and saw not one single wound (though there were still scars aplenty). It wasn’t a bad thing, per se, but it was weird.

Then there was that thing with his muscles. Mickey had been in decent shape for most of his life and whenever he got locked up for extended periods of time he made a habit of hitting the gym on the regular. Really wasn’t much else to do in the joint, and having a decent bulk reminded the other inmates that you weren’t someone they could push around; letting people know that you could beat the shit out of them often meant you didn’t have to actually do it, which saved everyone a lot of time and energy and trips to the prison quack. But on the outside, exercise wasn’t very high on Mickey’s list of priorities, meaning he tended to slim down a bit after a while in freedom.

Not now, though. Almost a year after being out of prison, and he was still as built as ever; if anything he seemed to be developing more muscles, in spite rarely engaging in anything more taxing than vigorous fucking. (Okay, so there was a lot of vigorous fucking, but still. If anyone ought to be building their biceps from the sex they were having, it should be Ian.)

Mickey didn’t mind being inexplicably ripped, though. He felt great, looked great – and Ian seemed to be pretty into it, too. Then again, Ian seemed to be pretty into Mickey whether he wore dirty clothes, sported a beard, sported a dress, or hadn’t showered in a week, so maybe that wasn’t saying a lot.

But even given all that, maybe Mickey still wouldn’t have thought too much about it (he was, after all, very busy being on his honeymoon, which required lots of determined sleep-ins, dedicated beer-drinking, and – obviously – lots and lots of banging) if there hadn’t one day come a knock on the front door. At first he ignored itm in the hopes that someone else would get it, but when it became apparent that a, he was alone in the house, and b, whoever was at the door wasn’t giving up anytime soon, he grabbed the family baseball bat (even big soft ass Larry would react to Mickey opening the door with an extremely illegal gun in hand) and went to answer the insistent knocking.

Outside stood two women, looking an unsettling mix of sober and apprehensive and eager. One of them reminded him vaguely of Angie Zago; the other was taller and darker and quite possibly brooding.

“Can I help you?” he demanded, not quite as rudely as he might have. He didn’t think they were social workers, but one never knew; they’d been checking up on Debbie and Franny ever since Debbie pleaded guilty to statutory rape.

“Mr. Mikhailo Aleksandr Milkovich?” Not-Angie inquired in a polite sort of tremble. 

“Who’s asking?” Mickey demanded, feeling a little thrown by the use of his full name. The only people who pulled that out was law enforcement, and neither of these ladies had that feel about them. Especially since they seemed to be… excited to meet him, which wasn’t a reaction Mickey was used to getting. Particularly not from ladies looking like they ought to be out collecting for the fucking Red Cross.

They better not be asking for donations for the Red Cross.

“I’m Tania and this is Dreamweaver,” Not-Angie said. “Can we come in? It’s really best if we talk in private.”

Mickey didn’t move. “Dreamweaver? You kick your mama too many times in the kidneys before you were born or something?”

The women glanced uncertainly at each other. “Mr. Milkovich,” the one improbably called Dreamweaver began, but Mickey cut her off:

“You with the police?”

They quickly shook their heads. “No, we— “

“You here to give me money?”

“No, you see, it’s— “

“Okay, thank you, bye.” But as he moved to close the door, Tania – displaying more spunk than he’d have given her credit for – took a step forward and blocked the entrance.

“Have you been experiencing any strange body phenomena lately, Mr. Milkovich?” she blurted. “Wounds healing very quickly, perhaps, or increased muscle mass?”

Mickey stilled, eyes darting between the two women. Small, small smiles on their faces now, as if they knew they had him. There was a hint of hunger to those smiles, making Mickey feel uncharacteristically uncomfortable. The urge to push Tania back and slam the door shut was strong, but…

“Fine,” he said at long last. “Come on in.”

They better not be fucking cannibals either.

---

They called themselves The Guardians, and they wanted him to save the world.

Mickey asked what numbers they were talking and, after getting bored of their uncomprehending stares, clarified: “How much is it gonna pay? What’s my cut?”

Dreamweaver frowned. “You mean… money? As in a… salary?”

“Yeah, sure. What’s my salary?”

“Mr. Milkovich, saving the world is a higher calling and a duty, it’s not something that– “

“Uh-huh. So, just to be clear, you’re not gonna pay me?”

They weren’t. Mickey laughed in their faces, stood from the couch, and told them bye and good luck with that and don’t let the door hit ya on the way out.

They reasoned with him. They pleaded. They explained, again and again, that after the evil society USCH destroyed The Guardian’s headquarters in a devastating attack, the two of them–and Mickey–was the only thing standing between the world and utter destruction. Surely, he must understand that it was nothing less than Fate that had brought the one remaining Bestower Bot into the Gallagher basement and his path? Admittedly, injecting Mickey with the bio enhancer might have been the result of a malfunction – Tania and Dreamweaver had found the bot dead down the street a couple of nights ago – but didn’t he see that he had been called to serve as a warrior in the fight against evil?

“Yeah, no thanks,” Mickey told them, and then he picked up the bat and waved it around until they took the hint and left.

When Ian returned home a few hours later, Mickey carefully didn’t mention the curious visit or any of what Tania and Dreamweaver had told him. Ian was pretty into saving people and had all these lame ideas about service and honor, and Mickey found it more likely than not that his husband would both be upset that Mickey, rather than Ian himself, had been called as a warrior (it’d be Lip and West Point all over again, Mickey just knew it), and demand that Mickey answer the call and run off like some loon to get himself killed by evil technomancers.

Mickey didn’t particularly feel like dying and he didn’t like the idea of hurting his husband’s feelings either, so he kept his mouth shut and skillfully derailed all of Ian’s attempts at asking about his day by giving him a blow job, teasing him about being a grunt, and allowing himself to be wrestled to the floor when Ian decided he’d had enough of teasing. It was a good evening.

As he lay in bed that night, back against Ian’s chest and with those strong arms wrapped around him, Mickey wondered if it would be worth risking Ian’s reaction by going public. Okay, Tania and Dreamweaver had mentioned how he’d probably gotten a pretty small dose of the bio-whatever-the-fuck, lending him nothing more exciting than enduring muscle mass and enhanced healing, but that should probably be enough to turn him into a cut above the rest, right? He could hire himself out to the highest bidder and make a fortune doing private security or collections or stuff like that. Fuck, he’d even consider taking on jobs for The Guardians, if they just agreed to pay him.

It was a fun thought to play with, but in the end a long life in the shadows made Mickey wary of putting himself out there like that. Besides, he’d seen enough movies to know that it’d probably wouldn’t be long before he mysteriously disappeared to some secret government facility to be experimented on. He’d had enough of the state’s hospitality to last him a lifetime, so thanks, but no fucking thanks.

And that could have been it. Should have been it, but of course Tania and Dreamweaver wouldn’t leave well enough alone. They started showing up at the Gallagher house at all hours, whenever they knew they could get Mickey alone. They accosted him on the way to the Alibi, they sat down next to him on the L, and they left him pictures of puppies with little notes saying stuff like “Only YOU can SAVE him from BURNING. Have a HEART”.

It was exhausting. Fearing the retribution of the cartel hadn’t anything on fearing seeing Tania and Dreamweaver’s disappointed-yet-still-somehow-hopeful-and-terribly-determined faces appear in a crowd, or round a corner, or on the porch when he went out for his evening smoke.

Mickey began to lose sleep. He’d spend the nights tossing and turning, which led to him staying in bed half the day to catch up on much needed rest, and he was often so tired he couldn’t bring himself to put on proper clothes or go outside the door the whole day. 

Ian was on his ass about getting a job; he didn’t get that Mickey had a job, and that job was not getting lured into sacrificing his life for the greater good. If Ian didn’t like the prospects of being a prison widow, how offensive wouldn’t he find the prospect of being an actual widower, after his husband got blown to bits by some big bad villain?

It got to the point of Ian initiating a sex strike to force Mickey to get “a real job”, which struck Mickey as really fucking unfair, considering how all he was trying to do was make sure Ian even had a husband to refuse to fuck.

Enough was enough. Something had to be done. Fortunately for Mickey – and unfortunately for Tania and Dreamweaver – Mickey had a guy for everything. As annoying as The Guardians were, Mickey didn’t have the heart to see them killed, but he figured that having them kidnapped and shipped off to some sweatshop on the other side of the world would serve the same purpose. He felt a little bad about it, sure, but he had given them plenty of chances to fuck off. Not his fault they couldn’t respect a fucking boundary.

Mickey called Johnny, told him the score, and a few night later Johnny called Mickey to tell him it was done.

It was done. Over. Mickey would finally be able go about his life in peace again, giving all his attention to his husband and doing his outmost to make him the happiest man alive every single day, even when Ian was annoying as hell and started asking pointless fucking questions about how Mickey was in such great shape even though he never did as much as one single curl up.

I see. So… you’re telling me that you have secret superpowers.

Yeah. Except, not actually secret anymore. ‘Cause, you know, you told me we shouldn’t have secrets.

… yeah, that was three months ago.

Guess it must have slipped my mind, huh.

Must have. But let me get this straight: you couldn’t get a real job because you were busy dodging secret agents, and your muscles are the result of you getting bitten by some magic robot—

Radioactive motherfucker bug from hell.

—and not you sneaking down to the basement to do weights and cardio almost every day?

… oh.

Yeah, oh. Carl told me about it, asshole. He noticed you using some of the stuff down there. Don’t get why you’d wanna keep that a secret though?

…

Mick. We have to be honest with each other, remember?

Jesus Christ, I don’t know, okay? I don’t know.

Okay.

Guess the first time was back when you had that dip a couple of months after the wedding. Few times after that, if we had a fight or whatever and I needed to let off some steam. Then you started working and sometimes I got bored watching TV all day but you were all mopey about your shitty job and me not having any and you have this thing about your body—

I don’t have a thing about my body.

­—so I didn’t really wanna rub your face in me having all that time to work out when you could barely squeeze in dozen push-ups in the evening. And I guess I didn’t really want anyone to know that I… cared, or whatever.

Cared? About what? Being healthy? Looking good? Being strong?

Whatever, man, I told I don’t fucking know. Anyway, it doesn’t matter, ‘cause it was a radioactive motherfucker bug from hell that did it.

Of course it was. Come here. Show me what that bio enhanced body of yours can do.

---

Ahahahahahaha, would you look at that. I tried to meta it anyway. 😭😭😭

You might reasonably ask about Mickey’s visit to Kev Fit – how does that fit? WELL, I rather imagine that whatever Mickey does in that basement is enough to keep him fit but still not SUPER hardcore? So when he starts worrying about Ian thinking him weaker than, he decides to take it up a notch and do it properly in a real(ish) gym? And his comment about “not remembering how much working out sucks” is part of the whole “not wanting anyone to know this is something I care to do on the regular”… Yeah, it’s pretty weak. All in all, I’d say the radioactive motherfucker bug from hell is still our best bet. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This is probably the last time I have one of them tell the other a story this week, but I make no promises. These little ficlets don’t tend to go as planned. (Ha! She said, as if there was a plan to begin with. Oh, well. I guess it’s working out so far.)

[corpsentry]

behind the taylor swift gundam was in fact another, smaller gundam: a brief inquiry into the events of june 2020

so back in june this year june and i got together and we made this motherfucker of a story with this motherfucker of a thread to keep track of it all. but you already know that! and i’ve already got one foot and three elbows in my grave, so i’ll spare you the long-winded stuff. you wanna know how i wrote 93,035 words in 4 weeks? i’ll tell you how i wrote 93,035 words in 4 weeks-

-by linking you guys to copies of my planning documents because i feel like those words speak louder than any words i can offer in the present day. these are long documents. but they are also historical artifacts. very interesting. very weird. very, uh, full of cussing. so anyway, here’s

BIG DADDY: THE ORIGINAL PLANNING DOCUMENT

for those, like me, who have no motivation left in life to do anything and rely on summaries from others to acquire new knowledge, it all started with a single line.

prince of a fallen kingdom atsumu tries to kill hinata but falls in love with him instead

june, april something, 2020

with that in mind i tested the concept out with a few paragraphs of text, which you can find at the bottom of the Big Daddy document in the graveyard segment, accidentally sold my soul to the image of hinata with epaulettes, and then worked backwards, structuring an entire plot around two images:

a) hinata getting the shit beat out of him, with snark b) hinata and atsumu dancing in an empty ballroom under the stars

if you want a betrayal, you have to have something worth losing. if you want to fall in love with someone you don’t know, you have to meet them. if you have to meet them, there has to be a reason for that meeting, and so somewhere in between atsumu became a sword instructor and hinata the prince with daddy issues. june and i used this method of glancing anxiously over your shoulder to see what you’d missed to fill out the blanks in the story, after which i tacked up a bunch of post-its, typed out the plot, consulted june, typed out the plot again, and then broke the characters down into a bunch of questions, like ‘what do they want?’ and ‘what do they have?’ and ‘what are they afraid of?’

with the plot more or less ironed out, i decided it was time to start writing, and then i decided that i was actually too scared to start writing after all, so instead i set a couple of timers using classroomtimers.com (15-20 minutes long) and i sat down and i wrote about the world that hinata and atsumu inhabited.

each warm-up was 300-500 words long, and for the first few days, i’d write one before getting into writing the story proper. later these evolved into simply picking a scene from the story and launching straight into it, which became useful for opening those scenes later when i got to them organically.

then i got lazy! so i stopped. but these shitty little exercises were really useful for me because, unfettered by plot, convention, or any kind of tradition hovering over my shoulder, i was able to fuck around loosely enough to realize what i wanted this story to be. it was a very contrived kind of trial-and-error, an exploration of the characters, the story, but most importantly, the tone.

RESEARCH, PLANNING, AND VICTORIAN BOUGIE FASHION

this is a loose map of the castle and Important Locations within it, which i drew up at the start so i could keep track of where everything was and how i could get my characters from point A to point B. i wanted the story to have Some kind of internal logic, you know, even if that logic amounted to ‘a compass would function normally in this world whereas kageyama tobio would not’.

99% of my planning and organizing within those five weeks took place in this lovely dotted cat journal which my sister gave me for my birthday and i repurposed into a metaphorical Diary of Suffering while working on juno. i used it for everything from keeping track of narrative threads to clothing consistency checks, but the main purpose was this: each day at about 10 pm i’d crack open the cat book to a fresh page, stamp the date and the day of suffering at the top, and then write down a list of things i wanted to write, address, or fix today. then i’d sit at my laptop and write like a madman until about 7 in the morning. with breaks, of course, for sitting in the bathroom and staring at the wall and sitting in the kitchen and staring at the wall, but mostly i was writing. and complaining about writing. you were there, you probably remember that.

anyway, here are some pages from the cat book.

aside from the fact that my handwriting is complete shit, you can see that i made zero effort for any of this to be presentable. it was mainly a way for me to keep track of my thoughts because i have the attention span of an ikea wardrobe and tend to forget things as soon as i think of them. the lack of structure also mirrored the way that i went about writing juno. while i did proceed, for the most part, in chronological order, i had a lot of weird and useless revelations during lunch, which by this point was happening around 2 am, and in the 5 minutes before the exhaustion finally hit and carried me down to hell. i changed A Lot. again, to understand exactly how much the story evolved from day one onwards, please consult the big daddy document.

in the meantime, here’s something else.

once june sent over hinata and atsumu’s character designs i sat down like the fucking fool i am and spent 2 hours poring over a document about victorian and other fashion movements of the past so i could assign a noun, adjective, and verb to each element of their outfits. i don’t know why i did this. i certainly could have not, but i attempted to make sense of their ‘fits from a logistical perspective and that went into the cat book too. everything went into the cat book. the cat book is a relic of the past now, stuffed with artifacts such as the birth of oikawa tooru, and also his demise.

MEDIUM DADDY: EDITING, PROOFREADING, AND CREEPY MURDER CATS

i finished writing on june 26th, 2020, approximately a month after i’d first started planning, somewhere around may 27th or 28th. at that point i had about 90,000 words’ worth of story and no sanity left whatsoever, so i took a day-long break to stare at a wall and listen to taylor swift’s enchanted on loop.

and then i made a new document, which you can look at using the link above, and i laid out everything i had to do. i’d discovered a fuck ton of plot inconsistencies and general errors while writing and lying awake in bed at 9 a.m., sleepless in seattle, and now that i was free of the demon egging me towards the first finish line, it was time to Deal with them. i speed-scrolled through the draft, which was 200+ pages compressed into one google doc, because i like to tempt god’s wrath, and fixed up all the plot issues over the course of a few days. this was the fun part.

the actual, hard editing was the extremely un-fun part. i reread the entire thing, paragraph by paragraph, line by damn line, from start to finish, paying especially close attention to awkward phrasing, incomplete dialogue, and moments which had fallen flat in my haste to get on to the next one. this was really fucking terrible. i spent more time lying facedown on the floor than actually editing anything, but after a long time (about a week), that, too was done.

SMALL DADDY: TITLES, SUMMARIES, AND GOOD FUCKING BYES

i spent a good eighty days thinking about the title, though hilariously enough we ended up with something that was a blend of our names. june + elmo = juno, which is, all things considered, pretty perfect, but the process of picking the title was Hell, and i Did Not Come Up With The Title until about 2 hours before posting. you can take a look at the haphazard clusterfuck of my title-selecting process in small daddy, which is linked above.

so the title was a last-minute choice. so was the summary. and the chapter divisions. and actually all the songs in the playlist for juno. the day we dropped juno onto planet earth like a newborn baby pitched out of the sky, i spent an hour hunched over my laptop, cutting my 213 page google doc into chapters based on nothing more than a Vibe. two days before that, i also attempted to voice-act the entirety of juno, an affair which ended at the 20,000 word mark with a sore throat and the kind of exhaustion one typically wants to sleep in a coffin for 23 years to get rid of. so in all honesty, i did very little editing, which is why there are definitely minor typos and/or mistakes hanging out somewhere on that chunky ao3 webpage. but whatever.

my attitude by july 5th (was it july 5th? or 4th? somewhere around there) was basically whatever. anything so i could get finish this damn thing, chuck it out of the window, and never see another google doc until the next century. i’ve been asked a few times how exactly i wrote at a rate of roughly 2000-3000 words per day for four weeks straight, and my answer has always been this: i died. what died, you ask? my soul. my spirit. my Will To Live. i’m a creature of fixations, and juno was my fixation for june. will i ever be able to do this again? would i recommend this experience to anyone? is god real? the answer to all of the above is probably no. juno was a fever dream, and so is my cat book. and so are all the lattes i had. and so was my 9 am to 4 pm sleep schedule.

but what we made is real. the research, oikawa tooru, the 4 am conversations in which i was like ‘how the fuck do i end this’ and june was like ‘jade proposal’ (the proposal was her idea. all rise for twitter user atsuhinas. she is the mastermind behind all of the Inch Resting moments in this story; i just flapped a korok leaf in her direction and made sure the air circulation was working properly) are real as fuck, and looking back, there’s a lot i’d change, but i’m lazy. and college is starting. and anyway, i did write 93,035 words in just under five weeks, four if you don’t count the week of Editing Hell, so i think that’s pretty cool.

thank you for reading this to the end, and for following us on our journey through the enigmatic taylor swift gundam fic which quite literally consumed my entire twitter account for the five weeks i spent working on it. retrospectively speaking i really was butt-obsessed so i am frankly incredibly impressed with everyone around me for putting up with a Husk of a Man for a month. thank you for doing that. thank you for indulging my vague tweeting, and our butterfly dns, and for reading 93 thousand words of gay fanfiction set in a high fantasy world with epaulettes and galettes. on behalf of june, once again, we are incredibly grateful for all your support.

if you have any questions about specific aspects of the writing process, or anything you’d like to know in general with reference to JUNO, feel free to drop me an ask through my tumblr inbox, or through my curiouscat over here. i’m aware i didn’t cover everything, but there’s frankly too much to put in a tumblr post without passing away somewhere around the 56% mark, so let me know what’s on your mind, and i’ll try to answer that to the best of my abilities. but anyway, before i go, here are some

TAKEAWAYS

one: don’t try to write 93,000 words in five weeks. seriously don’t fucking do it you will end up jittery and sleep-deprived and you will leave all your friends on read for a month. pace yourself. set realistic goals. you wrote 2k this week? that’s fantastic. you wrote 4k in a day? you absolute motherfucker. i hope you’re taking a long fucking break tomorrow. your story will not run away from you, but if you run too fast, you will get tired, and then you will pass away.

two: you don’t have to know everything about your story before you start writing. in fact if you have a single camera shot of two characters holding hands under a rose garden awning, i think that’s fucking wonderful. if you look at big daddy, you’ll realize that my initial plot draft, and all the ones following that, are not perfectly aligned with the final version of juno. i improvised over half of the scenes in this motherfucker, and to be completely honest, some of the improvised scenes were the best. fucking oikawa tooru was improvised out of nowhere. he only got written in way later, around chapter 8 or something, because i realized i needed a plot device and a source of information to keep the playing table from toppling over. i Sat Down one day and was like ‘okay, it’s time to write oikawa into the introduction. because he matters now. he didn’t matter last week but now he does, and soon he’s going to be the fulcrum of the entire story, because it’s like that with oikawa tooru’. it’s okay to change your mind halfway. it’s okay to go back and rewrite entire scenes or segments. it’s okay to highlight 4 pages of fresh, sentimental writing, and hit delete. writing is a fluid process, and you Will make discoveries as you progress through your story alongside your characters. be understanding of that iterative process. be kind to yourself.

three: You Are That Motherfucker. you, me, your dog, your dog’s friend, your dog’s enemy, all of us are that motherfucker. i never thought i’d be able to write anything longer than the great big map, which was a much simpler, linear story in which the other main character did not appear in the current timeline until like the eighth chapter. juno was different. juno was the motherfucker, and i was scared shitless of it, and to cope with that fear joked constantly while writing that it’d never see the light of day.

but it did. it was a rocky process, and i was awake for 48 hours after posting it because of the sheer adrenalin stuck in my skull, but i got through it. and i wouldn’t have been able to do it without june, who stepped in when i flopped over facedown on the floor and dragged me to my feet like the badass friend she is, and without everyone else in my life, who put up with me talking about The Thing that i couldn’t really talk about, but juno’s up there now. forever, or until the internet collapses and civilization goes extinct. and if the nineteen year old clown with the attention span of an ikea armchair and an a level certificate from hell wrote the 93,000 word long thing, so can you. i mean this completely unironically and with every ounce of genuine emotion i can summon from the cracked asshole of my heart.

writing is hard. writing is scary. writing is an investigation of the world around you and therefore, by extension, yourself, and that kind of honesty is freaky. it’s like going skinny-dipping next to the president’s mansion. who’s going to see you? what if they take a photo? what if you lose your spot at university?

but don’t think about that. our world is overrun with stories the way cereal bowls are full of cereal, but it’s those stories that keep us all sane in the disgusting day-to-day muck of reality, so think about your story. what’s haunting you today? what message do you want to leave printed in font size 666 comic sans across the southern hemisphere of the planet? what will you be tomorrow?

a writer. you’re going to be a motherfucking writer.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #338

“i can’t decide if you’re wearing me out, or wearing me well”

Are you a fan of techno? I've gotten more into it lately, actually. I've never minded it. Who’s your favorite horror movie villain/monster? Pyramid Head, though he's called Red Pyramid Thing in the movies. Do you have a favorite muscle car? Nah. I'm not big into cars. What would be a total deal-breaker for you, relationship-wise? You so much as lift your hand at me, bye, motherfucker. Would you consider yourself to be accepting of others? Yes, but not as much as I used to be. There are certain opinions I just don't tolerate in people anymore; I feel like by staying associated with people whose views invalidate or in any way harm others (racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc.), you're on the side of evil as well, even if indirectly. However, I genuinely do feel I have a wide range of viewpoints I'm willing to accept in others, even if I don't agree with them. Are you flirtatious? No. I think I'm only capable of flirting with someone I'm already with and very comfortable around. I'd feel way too shy and awkward otherwise. Have you ever just felt "drawn" to someone, but you didn’t know why? "Didn't know why," no. I've felt drawn to people with good reason, like if I was romantically interested in them. Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to? There's a number, honestly. Especially with the aid of therapy, I'm being motivated to strengthen bonds with old friends and/or acquaintances via Facebook. Freddy or Jason? I think Jason is scarier. Freddy tends to come across as cheesy for me. Have stickers or gems on your cell phone? Nah. Ever teased your hair? Bitch I damn well tried in high school because I wanted the ~ l e g i t ~ emo hair, but mine was just too heavy to hold, at least with the hairspray my sister had. Have any friends with benefits? Nah, that's never been my thing. Ever lost of bunch of valuable information? Ummm I don't believe so. I've lost massive RP posts before, but I can't really call those "valuable information." What drinks or food make you hyper? None, really. Most expensive thing you ever bought? With my own money, my snake. She's a champagne morph ball python. What type of toothpaste do you use? Crest. How much time to spend putting on makeup daily? Zero. When listening to a song, what do you listen for (lyrics, bass, beat, ect)? The beat, more than anything else. What is the color of your toothbrush? It's a white electric one. What is your favorite color(s) of eye-makeup? Black. Just black. Are you sexually active? I'm not. Do you have sensitive skin? Very. Are you attracted to several guys atm? I'm actually not attracted to any guys in my personal life atm. How many toilets are in your house? Two. Do you have an older sister? Excluding the one I don't know, I have three older sisters. Favorite song by Owl City? Probably "Hot Air Balloon," but I don't know many at all. What color is your mum’s car? White. Do you truly understand the (LDS) Mormon religion? I don't know what "LDS" means, but as my former best friend developed into a Mormon, I learned some stuff from her in her self-discovery. I don't remember a lot of it, not that I knew all that much in the first place. Where do you keep your kitty litter box? Ugh, Mom's unmovable about it being in my fucking room for some reason. And we have an extra goddamn room no one uses yet. Roman's shit STINKS, like we think something might actually be wrong, but nope, it has to stay in here. e_e It would literally inconvenience nobody if we moved it in the spare room. Are you a lighter complexion than your father? MUCH lighter. He's very tan. Do you like apricots? No. Solid soap bar or liquid body wash? 100% body wash. Bar soap slips so easily, and as someone who lives with another person, I'm not rubbing my body with the same bar my mother uses, no offense to her. Sharing it's just gross. Where do you live (country or state)? Shitty 'ole North Carolina. Do you use plastic, wooden, or wire hangers? I think we have a mix of them, actually. What is your favorite shade of yellow? I only like pastel yellow. Otherwise, it's one of my least favorite colors. Are there any shades of blue that you don’t like? If so, which ones? Ehhh not really. What is something you want to accomplish before you turn 30? God, can I please have a stable career by then. Who has the best decorated house in your town? I don't know. We live in a cul de sac community thing where it's just houses next to houses, so there's a lot to choose from. I don't pay attention to them. What is your favorite part of Halloween? The decorations. Do you feel a connection to the moon? "As above, so below," as the saying goes. What does your heart long for? Peace and contentness with myself. Did you decorate a pumpkin this year? Last year, I didn't. I do want to this year, though, if I can just think of a really good idea. I have to be motivated. What are some fall activities you would do with your kids? I'm not having kids, but I'll follow along, hypothetically. With how much joy Halloween brought me as a kid, I'd want to do SO much as a family with them. Homemade decorations, carving or painting pumpkins together, and hell yeah I'd be taking them trick-or-treating once I felt they were ready and they wanted to. I'd be one of those parents that probably spends too much on whatever costumes they want, haha... Oh, and then besides Halloween, I'd certainly rake leaf piles together for them to jump and play in. This question has brought to mind like ONE thing I could enjoy as a parent, haha. Have you ever seen a fox? I have; besides in a zoo setting, I've seen one or two in the wild run out of sight, and I also found one poor fellow as roadkill that had been disemboweled by I'm assuming vultures. With my whole roadkill photography thing, I literally almost kneeled into a strand of intestines I didn't see at first. :x What color are the squirrels where you live? We only have brown ones. Is there anything about Halloween you find offensive? lol no What do the trees look like where you live? Lots, and lots, and LOTS of pine trees... There are others, but I'm not well-informed on tree species and such. Oh, then of course there are dogwoods (our "state tree"), which are unmistakable because they smell like fucking manure. What is your dream vacation? Maybe the mountains on the western side of NC during the fall... ugh, that would be breathtaking. We actually have an abandoned The Wizard of Oz-themed park around there that allows tours at certain times of the year, and I'd love to visit and photograph there. As well, western NC has the zoo, which would be spectacular to visit with autumn weather and, once again, load up on photos. Did you like field trips when you were a kid? I LOVED field trips. Do you find museums boring or interesting? Very interesting! Would you ever wear a shirt with your country’s flag on it? No. I'm not patriotic enough at all for that. What’s a medicine that makes you sleepy? Historically, larger doses of Klonopin can knock me the fuck out. Do you like bath bombs? Never used one, because I don't do baths. Who are your favorite small YouTubers? I'm going to guesstimate you mean less than 1M subs as "small," because I really don't know what you consider to fit that description. I watch a lot of people with less than 1M, so it's hard to say, but lately it's probably been a let's player John Wolfe. He's really funny. Then there's some tarantula YouTubers, along with the animal educator Emzotic... and really just many others. I think most of the people I watch actually have sub-1M, but more than 500k. Who are your favorite big YouTubers? Markiplier is absolutely, positively #1. I also really enjoy Snake Discovery, GameGrumps, Jeffree Star (don't judge me ok, he's a fuckin hoot), and while I haven't watched them in years, Good Mythical Morning will ALWAYS be deeply, deeeeply embedded in my heart. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Ummm probably the Spice Girls? Have you ever used an outhouse? Ugh, yes, at old childhood sports games. What was the last good cause you donated towards? When I cut off like 8+ inches of hair to accomplish the style I have now, I donated it to Children With Hair Loss. My hair has always been mega-thick and healthy, so why in the world waste it? One of my most cherished items is the certificate I got in return many months later that my donation had been used. Have any of your exes gotten married or had kids since your breakup? I haven't had contact with Juan in many years, don't know what Tyler's up to either, and I haven't spoken to Jason since 2017, so. I'm very doubtful he's married or has kids yet, though, just knowing him and how "I need to be fully prepared for this" he is with big life stuff like that. Does it bother you when people get super emotional? Not at all. I'll do my all to comfort them. Have you ever worked in a restaurant? No. Do you get a lot of thunderstorms where you live? Depends on the time of year. Summertime? Brief but super intense thunderstorms every late afternoon. What was the last drive-thru you went through? Taco Bell w/ Mom. Do you know anyone who claims they can see/feel spirits or other supernatural ‘things?’ No. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? My mom has depression, and Mom is also convinced Dad has either depression masked as anger and/or bipolarity, but following the divorce, I don't see it in him at all. He's never seen a doctor in that field to be diagnosed with any mental illness. What fun things are there to do where you live? Jackshit. Do you know anyone with a really poorly-trained dog? Mother of fucking god, yes. My little sister lives with her best friend, and said friend has a colossal black lab named Hudson that is absolutely uncontrollable because she neglects the shit out of him. Won't listen to you even if it saved his life. He jumps on you, barks endlessly, and if he escapes the house? Good fucking luck getting him inside. She has absolutely no right to own a dog with how shitty of an owner she honestly is. When you were growing up, did your family rent or own your home? They owned it. The idiots who were moving in after us accidentally burnt the place to a fucking crisp, and my parents were SO not happy to lose that house because people were dumb enough to place boxes atop the goddamn stove. Do you do meal-prepping? No. Do you know anyone who got preggo less than a year into their relationship? Multiple people, not that that's my business. What did you dream about last night? I don't remember it clearly, other than I was with Jason and his mother was also present. What's the biggest age difference you've ever had in a relationship? That would have been with Juan, but I don't remember exactly how old he was. I just know I was a freshman and him a senior that got held back a year or so in HS. If you could save one animal from ever becoming extinct, what animal would you pick? Probably bees, given how vital they are. Name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents. My maternal grandmother worked at Disney World. I can't remember what her position was, though. Do you ever eat peanut butter straight from the jar? If I want a healthy snack, sometimes I'll have a scoop. Do you prefer your clothes loose or close fitting? They need to be loose. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? This big painting of meerkats grooming on burlap I did in high school. Do you always wear a bra? I question the self-love of anyone who can sleep with a bra on. ;__; Do you normally finish one book before starting another? Oh yes, I can't read more than one at a time. Do you prefer reading books, comic books, manga/graphic novels, magazines, or the newspaper? The normal book. Do you know how to play chess? I don't. Are you watching anything? No, but I do have Manson's "Third Day of a Seven Day Binge" on in another tab. What is your blood type? A-. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it? Yes. Do you twitch when you're falling asleep? Dude, I more than "twitch." I can just suddenly spaz out and look like I'm seizing for a moment. Another side effect of my nightmare suppressant medication. Are any of your pets “overweight”? No. Has anyone ever bought you a ring? My mom has bought me a few, and Jason gave me one for one of our anniversaries. Where was the last place you took a bath/shower, other than your own house? My sister's place. What first attracted you to the last person you kissed? Just how unique and happy that way she is. And her pretty much undying loyalty. Has someone ever taken a pic of you while you were making out with someone? No, considering I wouldn't go that far with someone unless we were alone. Had a crush on someone you thought shared your sexuality, turns out didn’t? Yes. What’s your favorite color to wear? Black. Does it gross you out if a guy has hair on his chest? I personally don't find an excess of it attractive, but it doesn't "gross me out." If they bathe themselves just like everyone else, why should it? Do you think sexuality is a choice or not? It is absolutely not a choice. If it was, I'd assume most people would choose to be straight, given phobias, hatecrimes, etc... I could write an essay on this. Do you like industrial piercings? Yeah. Do you think stretched ears are disgusting? "Disgusting" is, once again, the wrong word. Gauges don't really gross me out - hell, I want tiny ones -, but they can reach a size that, to me, is not visually appealing. Did you watch animated Barbie movies when you were little? I do remember loving Princess and the Pauper as well as the Rapunzel one; my sister was addicted to them. Oh yeah! Then there was the Swan Lake one that she adored, too. We usually watched movies together. Do you like fruit in your cereal? Big No. Do you like raw vegetables? Ugh, no. Do you listen to A Day to Remember? I do! They're on my list of faves. Do you like funnel cake? I actually don't. Have you ever been with someone while they were getting a tattoo? Yuh.

[one-twisted-sister]

Broken bones for Lainah

Broken

Enter Mayhem, The first time Lainah had almost been beaten to death and her and Divine’s very first meeting  Lainah stood at the from of the battle table her hand held above it. "At sun down is when we have our best chance at attacking the highbloods follow a strict rutine from what I have observed". The Candy red spoke as she moved little pieces around the board . "The purples need to be taken out first and for most". "Hold on a second, why do the purples need to be taken out first? aren't the blues stronger?". Lainah shook her head curls bouncing. "Those blues are nothing compared to the weapon the purples are making, we need to attack and stop it before it reaches the final stage". 

"And how do you know this lass". Another lowblood asked though before she could speak Kaitou walked into the tent, a Limeblood his hands behind his back. "Because I have had her steak out the purples and gather as much information as possible". A hand moved to rest atop her head though was removed with the sound of a growl. "Ask before touching me". She spoke before turning away from the limeblood  whom only shook his head, the meeting was about to continue however a Mossblood came bursting into the tent flap. "They are on the move!".

"Who Aarron?". "General Muldun and the purples!". Lainah whom had taken a seat stood up quick the chair falling backwards. "They would never move this early!, I'm certain!". "Well it seems they have decided to change their tune, ready the troops!". He called out  the hundreds of lowblood rallied together to fight the forces that would soon break over the hills surface.   Lainah grabbed her bow and arrows case following hopping onto her hoofbeast clicking her tongue twice to get the steed to run following the other's though she pulled on the ropes making the animal stop as Kaitou stood in front of her. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!, we could have trampled you dumbass". She huffed . "You are not fighting". "What?, why?!". "Because we can't you, you're on of the stronger fighters". "So you are sending those whom can't to their deaths?". Lainah narrowed her eyes snapping at the ropes to get the hoofbeast to dart around her foot kicking out at the Limeblood. "Pig!". She yelled to catch up with her fellow lowbloods.   The battle was already underway the ground soaked in the blood of her fallen brothers and sisters growing she pulled a arrow giving the beasts sides a tap making it run.

"Die motherfucker". One of the purple snickered having speared one of the lowbloods to a tree, try as he might he couldn't pull his weapon out. "What the fuck".   "Look out!". Before he could the arrow speared the male straight throw his neck, Lainah's arrows rained from above killing and wounding purplebloods between her and the other heavy hitters they were starting to push the purplebloods back. "General Muldun the lowbloods, they- they are winning, our dumbasses are stepping into the traps we set, blown apart by the bombs you told me to plant". Germoe  spoke watching as more purples were slaughtered.  "No need to freat blue". The General gave the bluebloods cheek a pat turning around. "In minutes this nasty fight will be over with". "Minutes- no, no you can't be serious she's still completely unstable for all we know she could also kill our troops". "To which I don't give a damn about I merely what to see if my time and effort payed off".   "You sick fucker". Germoe muffled taking off and down the hall and sure enough the dark cell's door was open, inside the walls were covered in claw marks, dried blood splattered  it looks more like a wild animal had been there instead of a troll, he was quick to grab his communicator. "Code red, Code Red all units repot back to base". He spoke quickly into the thing, he could hear Muldun speak into his own. "Go".  Back on the battle feild Ger's message had gotten out and some of them were falling back due to the urgency of the message most ignored it simply becasue it was Mulduns order Everyone stopped though as the sounds of screams from the distance carried through the wind, Lainah even as they watched only  one appear, a body hanging from her mouth, biting down through the purples throat the head falling one way and the blody the other, meat that rested inside of her mouth was spat out to the side.   "Playthings". Were the only words uttered by the purple. "Fall back retreat!!". Kaitou screamed out  and into his own cimmunicator  but it was far to late as the female to to the battle feild tearing into every troll that was there ripping bodies aparty, biting throw, ripping chunks of them out with her teeth alone blood sloshed and covered the feild, a body landing close to Lainahs hoofbeast spooked it, she tried to get control but the beast threw her off and took off for safetly Lainah could barely get an arrow ready as Mayhem came at her a hand grabbing the girl by her neck though paused as Lainah stabbed an around into the purple females shoulder, once, twice a third.... why did it have no effect?! the fourth her hands was grabbed and squeezed until there was a snap making the Candy strain out a cry. "Band choice bitch". Mayhen growled throwing the sheep troll whom landed getting soaked in mud and blood, she was picked up and thrown again. Eyeing an arrow she yanked it out of the nearest body and charged ramming it into the purple's gut but... she... she didn't... she didn't flinch even as the arrow head pierced her flesh.  "W-Who are you..". Lainah whispered. "The Mistress Mayhem". Was the only answer she got before being attacked, thrown beaten, claws slashed at her skin and cloths, she swore with the next blow she'd kiss life good bye but.. The other stopped and grabbed at her neck screaming, a shock collar she could barely hear the humming  the surges of electricity had to of been at a high level. Kaitou who had returned for her scooped Lainah up the Candy red hissing at the pain as Mayhem collapsed to be collected back up once again. Lainah spent  couple perigees in the medic tent, broken hand, arm, left leg, ribs they were in shock that she survived they couldn;t remember the amount of stiches they had used on the female, they worked fast to clearn her up and get her patched and fixed up. Kaitou kept his eyes on her sitting side the med bed. "You knew about her long before I did, didn't you". Her voice was a whisper. "I did". "And yet you sent us un fully wear". "What was that". "Muldun's pet project". He grumbled. " I'm attention to make peace with higher trolls, we'll need them now that Mayhem as been added to the game". "Please I could take her... I was.. only shocked she just caught me on a bad day..". "Crazy Sheep, rest".

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

Bond Between People and Pokemon Pt.8

The heroes were fighting against Ganondorf’s forces in order to rescue their friends. Though they had already attempted an escape, with a severely injured Incineroar that could prove to be difficult. A stab through the chest is not easy to recover from.

Ridley: Like your lousy device said kid…I’m ruthless.

Ridley began constricting his tail around Bonny Janet in an attempt to suffocate her.

Bonny Janet: Gah! Well do yer know wha’ aye say? I say aye ain’t some worthless sisseh who doesn’t know how ta fight back!

Bonny ripped off Ridley tail spike and stabbed it through his shoulder causing him to release his grip.

Ridley: MOTHERFUCKER, THAT KILLS! I understand how my victims feel now at least! You think you can run you little shit!? I’ll find you! Crap she took Incineroar with her, well at least we’ve got… … …DEDEDE’S GONE!? Oh there’s a note in his cell. “To Ridley, you are a sad, ugly piece of trash and no one will love you, from Dedede. P.S. we’re gonna BURN ALL YOUR BODY PILLOWS!” HELL NO! I’M GONNA KILL ALL OF YOU!

Meanwhile outside the hideout the fight was still going between heroes and villains.

Fox: Wolf!? Why are you with them!?

Wolf: You should know by now Fox. I only hang where the money lies. There’s a load of dough on deck for your heads. (Shoots at him) And I’m craving for the moolah!

Dark Link, clashing with Link: Come on I thought you’d put up more of a fight!

Link: Funny, I could say the same!

Chara: Come on girl I want you to tear em to shreds. Start with the good dinosaur over there (Points at Yoshi).

Riptor lunged herself at Yoshi with a killer instinct and began to fight him.

Chara: Hmm. I guess I’ll take care of daddy’s little elf problem (Throws a knife at Young Link but misses)

Young Link: This time I’ll make sure Ganon loses something important to him.

Chara: Oh I don’t plan on dying. Here or ever!

Back up at the hideout’s balcony Ganondorf & Hades stood watching the carnage unfold.

Hades: Woah! What a rioting rip roaring rumble! You’ve got a blue hedghog fighting a metal hedgehog. A 2D man turning into an octopus, that’s wierd. And a kid fighting another kid, that one wasn’t very clear. I think they’re all there…oh and there’s…PIT-Y! I MUST CRUSH THE LIFE OUT OF HIM!

Ganondorf: Patience Hades. Let them think they have the upper hand and then me you we can take them all down together.

Hades: What about the Link’s and Pit-y?

Ganondorf: They have no clue how to deal with you we’ll just swap who we fight usually.

Hades: Well thought brother.

Ganondorf: Stop calling me that I just made you my kids’ Uncle so they’d stop bothering me. Anyway, besides we still have our special weapons. (Leans toward a mic) Wesker had told me recently that the weapons are near completion. So we shall prepare to-

Something had crashed on the battelfield.

Ganondorf: What the hell was that?

-Back below the hideout-

Ridley: Come out. Kid I just wanna know where you’re stashin’ the blubber boy and the muscle man. I know you’re here.

Bonny, Dedede & Incineroar were all above on the cieling since Dedede can fly.

King Dedede: I’m definitely the muscle man just sayin’. At least people are noticing.

Bonny Janet: Yeah sure.

King Dedede: Heheheh!…Oh no!

Bonny Janet: What do you mean “oh no?”

King Dedede: I gotta sneeze. Ahhh!

Bonny Janet: Doon’t yer even think about it!

King Dedede: ATCHOO!

Ridley: Bless you…Wait!? What!? (Looks up) There you are!

Ridley flew up to them causing them all to fall down to the floor Ridley flew down and pinned them all to the ground.

Incineroar: What’s happening? I can see a large white light. I wanna touch it.

Bonny Janet: Naw you don’t go pokin’ at tha’ light!

Incineroar: …But I…want to…go to it.

Bonny Janet: NO!

Ridley: How touching, I may just cry. Don’t worry I’ll make sure you all go to the light! This is what happens when you threaten my body pillows!

Something had crashed directly above them.

Ridley: What the hell was that!?

Ganondorf, to the mic: Ridley! Go investigate what’s happened.

Ridley: Can’t boss the prisoners are in my hands.

Ganondorf: Damnit!

Sakurai: Having trouble?

Ganondorf: Sakurai!? How are you reaching our communicators?

Sakurai: Dr Light assisted with that. By the way just thought I’d let you know, I’ve just left you a buffed package. I hope you like pink. Bye.

Ganondorf: Pink…Pi- Do you know what he meant?

Hades shrugged.

Samus, on the megaphone again: Yo Ganon!

Ganondorf: What now!?

Samus: When Kirby gets to you tell him I said hi!

Ganondorf: … … …

Hades: … … …Well I’m going back to the Underworld.

Ganondorf: Coward! The least you could do is take me with you!

Hades: Don’t worry you’ll end up in hell once Kirby’s through with you.

Ganondorf: But I can’t die!

Hades, failing at opening a portal: … …My magic isn’t working…

Ganondorf: How!?

Palutena: Because of me silly.

Hades: GODESS! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! (Hits himself) After doing that I now know why it only works in cartoons ow.

—

Ridley: Kirby!? Coming!? Now!? God!? Oh no! No! No! This can’t be happening! If I kill these three there’s no coming back! (Unknowingly releases them)

King Dedede: We gotta get outta here!

Ridley: Wait no! Old man Sakurai was probably just bluffing! We’d all be dead already if he were to be coming. You all thought you could trick me!

Bonny Janet: Where is he!?

Ridley: Nothing the Cunning God of Death can’t figure out!

King Dedede: Come on Kirby hurry!

Ridley, lunging forward: DIE!!!!!

Ridley darted towards them only to stop at the sound of a few stars. All the villains listened in fear.

Ridley: … … …

Wolf: … … …

Dark Link: … … …

Hades: … … …

Ganondorf: … … …

Riptor: … … …

Chara: Hahahaha! We’re in danger.

Kirby came flying down onto the battlefield on his Warp Star his face full of anger.

All the heroes: You guys are screwed now!

Ridley: Oh shit! I gotta get outta here! I ain’t dealing with this! (Ridley burst through a wall and flew far from the carnage, picking up K.Rool on the way out) Can’t believe you were knocked out through all this!

Hades: Dear God! What the hell do we do!?

Ganondorf: I don’t know!?

Hades: You’re their leader!

Ganondorf: *Sighs* (In the mic) ALL VILLAINS FOCUS YOUR ATTACK ON KIRBY!

Villains: WHAT ARE YOU INSANE!?

Dark Link: Boss, Sakurai said he buffed him!

Wolf: Yeah. I ain’t dealing with that no matter what the price.

Ganondorf: I didn’t plan on paying you anyway.

Wolf: WHAT!?

Fox: I told you Wolf.

Wolf: You’ll regret this Ganon! I ain’t workin’ for ya anymore! Say Fox how much would you pay me if I switched sides?

Fox: We’ll talk about this later.

Ganondorf: Your harmless words are the least of my worries. As for the rest of you. Go fight Kirby!

Villains: … …OK! (“We’re dead”)

Kirby: POYO!

Bonny Janet: Wreck ‘em Kirby. Please. Hurry E’s runnin’ outta time. (Looks at Incineroar)

To Be Continued…

[devilmansangel]

Go to sleep little one, trust in me

AMAZING PROMPTS

(part 1)

Prompt: maybe plance with Lance forcing pidge to bed? ik it's an exhausted topic but I love it

Given to me by @a-spoopy-bird god sent

Ship: Duh plance it's so cute

AGAIN PRE SEASON EIGHT EVERYTHING IS BETTER THAT WAY!!!! post s1 (ik your like its literally the beginning of the show TJ wtf) ik it's really early in the show but it's okay it'll work out I promise

this can be read as platonic relationship or romantic relationship, either way, adorable af

•••••••••••••••••••••♠••••••••••••••••••

It was late at the castle of lions according to the clock that Pidge and Hunk made together the third night on the ship? Castle? Whatever it didn't matter to Lance who was currently searching for the tiny gremlin. Everyone was well asleep, hell even Keith was asleep! But Pidge they were too determined to find their brother and father.

Lance was strolling down the hallways lightly humming. His robe was dangling at his ankles every step he took. He had just gotten up out of bed after the feeling of homesickness had come to an unbearable urge to have him move around. Farther than the hectic pacing and dancing through his very sterile room. He’ll have to decorate it soon or else he’ll go insane. 

As he walked down the light blue tinted hallway of the castle he ran his hands over the metal walls. Smooth he thought, he would love to one day paint these walls. Something to ease his mind as he’s on this....thing. He assumes. His humming echoing back at him along with the soft beat of his music coming from his headphones around his neck. He was traveling mindlessly when he saw a soft hue of a screen and the gentle tapping on computer keys caught his eyes, he stealthily made his way to the dining area where it was coming from. 

"Hey, cutie pie isn’t past your bedtime" Lance all but purred from behind Pidge who slightly flinched. They looked at the watch they had made themselves with a squint from above their glasses. 

They looked up at Lance who shot them a grin then began to lean on the table, they then turned back to their laptop and continued typing away which made Lance chuckle. “Lance shouldn't you be fucking asleep it’s three am don't you need-” They stopped to push their bangs back with one hand then continued with a sigh of exhaustion. “beauty sleep or whatev-” they broke off into a yawn, “ever”. Lance raised a brow, They clearly were sleepy, the bags under their eyes were bigger than his mothers after his father's funeral. Trying to take care of all of them at once, hell Pidge hadn't even changed out of their day clothes just like his mom.

Lance hated seeing his mother that way, he hates seeing the people he loves this way. So it was his time to try and get this tiny one in the motherfucking bed goddammit! Even if he would pay for it in the morning

“Yeah but it’s time for bed for you too little gremlin”. He chuckled closing their laptop screen, just for them to catch it with their fingers. They looked at Lance with a glare in their eyes that would've otherwise been intimidating but know it just looked like they were falling asleep. Shit, they probably were. “Listen I know that you are terrified of this superhero universe thing” he started fully closing their computer and standing straight up to look at them in the eye. They had stood along with Lance and grabbed their computer. Lance nodded his head towards the hallway that would lead them to their rooms, Pidge sluggishly followed beside Lance, “but I know that what's scaring you most is never seeing your family again”. He calmly stated sneaking a side glance Pidge’s way, they had their head up with their eyes focused on the ground in shame. 

They continued they’re walk to Pidges room, in the middle of Keith’s and Hunks, in a semi-awkward silence. When they arrived Pidge put in their passcode to get into their room, as the door swished open Lance grabbed Pidge’s arm. Pidge looked into Lance’s eye with a red tint in their cheeks. Lance looked Pidge in their eyes then at their arm, he hurriedly moved his hand. “Um listen I know how it feels, missing your family, wondering if you’ll ever see them again, wanting to do everything in your power to get back to them. I get it fearing while we’re in space something horrible could be happing to them right now and we can’t stop it. We’ll be too late. I get it, honestly.” Lance said with a crack in his voice, he cleared his voice and put his hand on Pidge’s shoulder. “ Just know that I love you and will always be by your side,” He said with a small smile, “Got it short stack.” 

Pidge put their hand ontop on Lance’s ad nodded an affirmation,  they yawned, “I’m gonna hit the hay now,” they took a deep breath, “thanks Lance your great person. I love you too.” They said quickly shrugging his hand off of their shoulder and hugging Lance, Lance quickly returned the gesture in surprise. They pulled apart quickly, Pidge took a step into their room and with a wave the door swished closed. 

Lance smiled to himself he put his hands in his robe pockets, he walked the few doors down to his room knowing he can now sleep peacefully.

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dreaming about how dumb the aouther is lol. HOPE YOU LIKED IT LOL IM HUNCHED OVER AND MY BACK HURTS lol but umm yeah thanks for reading @a-spoopy-bird sorry it took so long bit if you read the post before you’ll hopefully understand so thanks bye!!

[fuck-customers]

Fuck management. (Also TLDR at the end)

This is the icing on the cake (See image above). I work at a place that sells fitness or very healthy smoothies, (pretty popular in southern portions of the US, red crown logo….).

For some context I am a part time worker, shift lead averaging 22 hours a week, in college with family bullshit to constantly take care of. I have a lot on my plate.

We recently got a new GM and she is so fucking green (new). This is my second job but she can’t handle the human aspect of her coworkers. She can work the numbers but we dont have actual lives, oh no… :/ To her we are just worker ants to do her bidding. And yeah a job is a job but this is ridiculous. Of you schedule me to work 8 hours and then ask me to stay for another 3, when I’m part time anyway, you’ve gotta be out of your mind. I’ve been working here for almost 9 months and even the old GM who was an asshole treated us like people at least and listened every now and then when people needed time off. And the owners of place let this new GM just kind of stumble and do whatever she wants. But they dont bother to hire more people for these fucking charades. Like they’re nice folks but I wouldn’t want to work with them again if I had to choose to.

Now I get on this message (on 4.18) that basically says we have to work on the 5th and 6th of May. Everyone, all 15 workers a shitty GM and I’m sure the owners will be out and about too in the store and at this catering event. Now, I’m that motherfucker who plans out shit waaaay out in advance cause I have things to do. I’m in college and I have other obligations than this store. I can’t come in when I have (theoretically) 10 hours of studying to finish for one class. Luckily I dont have anything booked this weekend they want me but I’m sure other people might have some shit going on. If they need more people they can hire folks to cater cause I sure as shit wasn’t trained to cater and I’m not going to cater now. I’m pretty sure the owners thought this was a great idea, and let our new GM just assume we owe our lives to this dumb smoothie business.

I guess the silver lining is that I’m moving soon so I’m going to put in my two weeks either right before or after this event. It doesn’t pay well enough for me to linger and I might as well leave before more dumb bullshit is instated by this new GM. Bye bye bitches.

TLDR; Shitty new management makes all 15 workers in this little smoothie store fucking unbearable for a weekend. We dont have enough people so everyone has to work on May 5/6th, or else. Luckily that’s around the time I’m putting in my two weeks so, see ya shitlords.

[indiekingsarchive]

seriously....i’m gonna lose my shit.

A piece of my financial aid needs to be paid by Friday and thats crazy cause I just spent $200 to get a new phone because someone stole mine over the weekend. Not only that, I can’t take all the classes I need to take BECAUSE of the wack ass financial aid they gave me so I’m only at 6 credits when i damn well need to be at like 12 so...lol i can kiss the idea of graduating on time good fucking bye obviously. then just to add the motherfucking cherry on top i forgot to go pitch my tv series for class so i only got half the points on the assignments and that resulted in my grade somehow dropping TWO WHOLE LETTER GRADES i mean is this some sort of cosmic joke from the God above just to see how much shit i can really handle this semester? cause the answer is not this much. and yeah this all may seem trivial but paying out of pocket for school is stressful as all hell already without my advisor being an idiot and scheduling the wrong shit for the wrong time and needing another advisor to clean up their mess. shit is stressful enough without my best friend and first love dying on me then turn around and my mom’s friend dies too just weeks later. its stressful enough without my friends claiming im acting weird when all this other shit is going on and i cant talk to them about it because 1, their parents baby them and figures out all their problems for them while mine couldn’t care less and 2, they never understood me being an extroverted introvert in the first place and they take me declining to hangout as an insult to them and their intelligence everytime instead of just me needing to charge my social battery by being alone which is a valid and normal fucking thing, making it hard to have social interactions with people on a normal fucking basis which means my social circle isn’t even appeasing. this college shit is honestly the biggest goddamn scam ever and america has always been great at pulling those. im depressed, im tired, and im just over this whole fucking thing. 

[roccoroks]

Dag 3 THE DAG FILES! *que X Files music* The following events took place at the Spring Grand Rod Run, names have been changed to protect the stupid and liable. time:.......dark....ish im working a double, 2nd & 3rd shift pryor to the take over of the motel there for i was still a employee at the time and had to answer the a boss (the sorry motherfucker that he is) but thats another story/rant. its hot outside, people are pissing and shitting all over my lobby bathrooms and im trying to deal with 100+ geusts and god only knows how many classic cars... this is more of what its like to deal with multipul shitty guests and problems while working a rod run in pigeon forge tn. the grand rod run takes place twice a year and has more that 1000-2500 show cars through out the city of pigeon forge. we find our hero sitting on his ass watching youtube videos and eating potato chips and trying to download bootleged My Little Pony:Friendship Is Magic episodes when the internet suddenly explodes and stops working due to me trying to download 30 episodes at once! this is more of what its like to deal with multipul shitty guests and problems while working a rod run in pigeon forge tn me: *prior to net crash* ^.^ *om nom nom nom* *internet crashes* me: O.O........shit....not good me: hey chris (we work in pairs on rod runs) chirs: whats up man me:.....um i think were fucked chris:what did you break? me: the internet....all of it chris: I FUCKING TOLD YOU NOT TO DOWNLOAD THAT MUCH PONY SHIT AT ONCE! me:.....sorry?...you fix?...please chris: *sigh* leave, NOW! me: *me runs out from behind the counter just as the phone rings* ~when the wifi goes down at the motel, you might as well have set the place on fire, eeeeveryone calls to tell you!~ me: front desk poc 1: (pissed of coustomer) yeah uh hi, the inter net is not working, how do i log on? me: (i know its not working, i broke it! ^.^) im sorry we are having technical difficulties and are trying to restore it as we speak! poc1: oh ok ill try later! bye me: that wasnt so.... *ring* me: front de..... rpoc: (realy pissed of coustomer) HEY THE INTRANETS NOT WORKING me: im sorry we ar....(did you just say "INTRANET"?) rpoc: WHEN I MADE MY RESERVATION I WAS TOLD THERE WAS WEEFI AND I DONT HAVE WEEFI WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO ABOUT THAT! me: sir im trying to get it back on line and i should have it working with in.....( WAIT...WTF IS WEEFI?) rpoc: I DONT WANT EXCUSES I WANT THE INTRANET FIXED me: sir? sir are you there? rpoc: *yells louder* I SAID IIIIII WWWWWWWWAAAANT TTTTHEEEEEEEE INTERNET FIIIIIXXXXXXEEDD NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOWWWWWWW CAN YO.... me: SIR YOUR GOING TO HAVE TO SPEAK UP BECAUSE I CANT HEEEEEEEEEEAAAARRRRRRRRR YYYYYYOUUUU! (fucking yell at me dick head) rpoc: *SOME HOW YELLS EVEN LOUDERER* III SAID FIX THE GOD DAMED INTRA......... me: idk chris i cant hear the guy, he sounds like a broken record. (lmao i soooooo can hear the vein in your head thumpin!) rpoc: you have got to be kidding me, now the fucking teller phone doesnt work *hangs up* chris: what was that all about? me: thats how you deal with a bad guest chris: great! now hes going to come down here and bitch to me me: yup, see ya later! me: *leaves to check parking lot for cars to tow,leaves chris to clean up mess* me: *looks out the window* (if there were any more cars in my parking lot it, this place would look like a poory orginized scrap yard) me: *walks outside for 3 hours* *3 hours, 2 beers and one smokey burn out from a dodge challenger later* *sitting at the desk, chris leaves for the night* chris: im turning my phone off, dont....fucking.....call...me! me:k me: (back to down loading ponies! and cruse CL for car parts) poc: AHEM! me: /).- (I will not respond to a clearing of the throat, what the fuck bitch, this aint high school) poc: AAAAHHEEEEMMM! ME: (NOPE! FUCK YOU) poc : EXCUSE ME! me: (was that so hard?....bitch) yes mam! may i help you? ^.^ poc: uuuhh you need to do something about that drunk guy in the pool.... me: drunk guy? poc: yes hes in the pool and hes drunk and i dont want to see that! me: ...*blank stare* poc: well.... me: (do i get any more info than that? ITS THE ROD RUN! EEEVVERRRRRYYYBODIES FUCKING DRUNK!) yes mam what does he look like? poc: HE IS THE DRUNK ONE! me: (com'on! take the hint!) mam this is the rod run and everyone in the pool is drunk, is he bothering you in anyway? poc: well..huh..he just shit in the pool.... me:........ me:....your shitting me....(i haha i made a funny) poc: she for your self! me: *goes to pool, see only 3 people in the pool, all of them drunk* me: soooo he just? poc: yup, he just dropped his swim suite and shit right in the pool, then he jumped it , then he told his friends that it was a candy bar and dared them to eat it! me: .......*speachless*.... me: ok mam, who dun shit in my pool *i sooooooo wish i was making this up* poc: him! *points at all 3 drunk people* me: (really? not the middle one, not the one on the right just that one?)ok witch one of them? poc: the fat one me: (THERE ALL FUCKING FAT!) ok witch fat one poc: I FUCKING GIVE UP! *STORMS OUT* me: (damn, she lasted longer than most, shee needs a discount!) me: *walks out into the pool* ok, who shit in my pool (this situation warents cussing) *all the drunk people* "HE DID" *AND POINTED AT EACH OTHER!* me: /).- WHERE IS IT! *again all three of them * THERE! *all three point in different directions!* me: soooo its everywhere.... *blank stares all around and akward silence* me: where....is..... the.... TUUUUUURRRRD *more blank stares* drunk guy 1: ummmmmm me: all of you, GET OUT! drunk guy 2: but what if we.... me: NOW! *all three exit pool* drunk guy: um when can we get back in the pool? me: tomorrow dunk guy 2: why so long? me: look im the only guy here and i have better things to do then go on a wild goose chase for a lone turd in the pool! drunk guy 1: well whos going to clean it up? me: NOT FUCKING ME! YOU WANA SWIM? GO NEXT DOOR AND LAY A LOG IN THEIR POOL! *they all think this is wildly funny and walk off to deuce one out in the smokey mountain lodge's pool* 30 mins and a few pissed off would be pool goers later ME:* just sat down to pizza* *ring, ring, ring,ring,ring* me: FOR FUCK SAKE! I HATE YOU PHONE *get up and walks to phone* me: *bangs knee on desk drawer* FUCKING OOOOOWWWWWWEEEEEEEEE ! FUCK YOU TOO BROKEN DESK DRAWER! AHEM! front deak *in sweet voice* dag: (room 403)" THE GAW DAMN INTRANET AINT FUCKIN WERKIN!"(i a heavy drunk southern accent) me: e.e...(you sound familar) its not? one second let me check. *puts customer on hold* me: *goes to bathroom to take a dump* 5 mins later me: (fuck ! hes still there!) *takes dag off hold* sir? dag: BOUT TIME! me: try it agian dag: I DONT FUCKIN KNOW HOW TO GET ON THE GAW DAMNEDED THING ME.......O.o (then how do you know its not working.....WAIT, HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU....DO YOU EVEN COMPUTER BRO?) me: sir? dag: *YELLS TO WIFE* HEY! GET THA FUCK OVER HERE AND MAKE THE FUCKER WORK ME:  .....(oh my god this is like jerry springer) *long pause* dags wife in background: THERE! IT FUCKING WORKING...WAIT NO, YES...NO ITS NOT ME:.......sir? DAG: HANG ON DAMNED IT! ME:......*SUCKING BACK LAUGHING.....BECAUSE I JUST FLIPED THE BREAKER TO THE ROUTER KILLIN ALLLLL THE INTERNETS* dag: IT JUST WAS FUCKIN WERKIN THEN THE SHIT BROKE ME: HANG ON A SEC.....*puts dag back on hold, sit down and eats a slice of pizza* 4 slices of pizza later... me: *flips breaker back on, takes dag off hold* sir, HOW BOUT NOW? dag: HAY, HE SAYS ITS WERKIN........WELL.....GET THA FUCK OVER HUR AND MAKE THE TING GO! ~pernounce it just like i wrote~ long pause...... dag: aigh the fuckers workin now ME: go deal yall, yall has a goooooooood nigh nowww...... dag: hangs up me: (THAT WAS FUN! now for foods!) *almost sits down* *ring, ring,ring,ring,ring* me: FUCKING REALLY?!? ahem: front desk? dag: HAY ME: (oh gawd not you again) yes sir dag: what room are we in me: O.o..(really.....you dont even know what room....) 403 sir dag: im in 403? me: yes sir dag: TELL THEM FUCKERS ABOVE ME TO SUCK THE FUCK UP OR IMA GONA BEAT 7 SHADE OF SHIT OUT OF THEM! ME: (i would pay soooooo much money, you dont even know) sir its 930pm and during the rod run thing tend to go on until 12 am or so, im sorry but there nothing i can do dag: I GONA KICK THEIR ASSES! ME: SIR! PLEASE DONT GO......*CLICK* ME: *RUNS OUT THE DOOR TO THE 5TH FLOOR* FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! *arives at 5th floor.....its empty* me: ......(aint no one up here) *walks down to 4th floor, sees drunk guy outside 403, in whity tighties, passed out in the chairs* me: (im sooooo not dealing with that) *goes back to office* me: * sits down at the desk and see something out of the corner of my eye* *looks at security moitor* me: DAFUQ IS THAT? *switches to pool cam, see UFO (unidentified floating object)* me: nooooo, it cant be.... *zoooms in, sees large turd* ITS BACK! THE TURD! ME : *runs around the counter to the pool, trips on carpet and knocks over entire brocher rack* me: (deal with that later, I HAVE SOME SHIT TO TAKE CARE OF!) *at the pool* me: damn.....thats quite the deuce....atleast a 2 pounder *starts talking to myself in a steve irwin accent* me: wear hear in the confines of the pool room, in search of a veronious beast! SHHHHH *GRABS SCOOPER* aahw yea thar she is, just look at hur thear, she a absolute beauty! and shes a floata too! me: *lowers scooper, turd slide off the edge* awhh shes a fisty one she is! ima grab her tail! me: * trys to come from below and scoop it up, turd veirs away* shes a quick won! HUHO QUICK! THE SHELA IS MAKIN A BREAK FOR IT! me: *finaly scoops turd* HE SCOOPS HE SCORES!!!!!! * turns around see's hot girls laughing at me* me: *looks at turd on the scooper* (theres not a hole deep enough for me to craw off in right now) *drops turd in trash* * relocks pool goes to desk to commit suicide* 20 min later me: *watching youtube, probably supercharger videos around that time* dag: HAY, YOU BACK THUR? ME: (maybe if i sit reeeeeeeal still he will not see me) dag: HAY! *leans around counter* me; (FUCK! IT SAW ME) me: yes sir how ma.... dag: LISTIN THE INTRANET DONT WERK, YOU GOT US UNDER THESE LOUD FUCKING PEOPLE , YOUR POOL IS CLOSED AND IT AINT EVEN TIME TO CLOSE IT AND TO TOP IT OFF NOW MY TV DONT WORK me:im sorry sir (no im not) but i cant move you to another roome because we are full. dag: WELL WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS! I WANT A GWAD DAMND DISCOUNT! ME: (no you need to put a shirt on, no one needs to see your "DD" man titties!) im sorry sir theres nothing i can do, you will need to talk to the manager in the..... dag: I DONT WANT TO HAVE TO WAKE UP EARLY AND COME THE FUCK DOWN HERE TO TALK TO A MANAGER I WANT THIS SHIT FIXED NOW! me: (and i want a decent blow job from my wife, but that shit aint going to happen either) im sorry bud but i cant do anything until morni...... dag: YOU CAN ATLEAST OPEN UP THE FUCKING POOL! me: sir i cant op.....SURE THING! TELL YA WHAT IF IT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY I WILL OPEN THE POOL JUST FOR YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS BUT NO ONE ELSE, IS THAT OK? dag: now thats more like it *walks out the door* me: (BAWAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!) 15 MINS LATER. DAG AND HIS WIFE ARE SWIMIN IN THE POO WATER LAGOON *chis walks in with beer* chris: *stops, looks at the two fuckers swiming in the pool* you know its past 11 right? you not suppost to let people swim past 11 me; i know chris: oooookkkk why do they get to swim? me: because i hate them chris:sooo you hate them and they get to swim.....is that the motherfucker that yelled at me for the inter net not working? me: yup, and some one shit in there earlier to day too chris: *snots beer out his nose* HAHAHHA WHAT THE FUCK? me: yup, fuck them chris: thats sooooo wrong me: yup chris: your going to hell for this but it sooooo worth it /rant

[agrapefruitspassions]

How to Break off a Toxic Friendship...or at least how to recognize you’re in one

   I’ve been thinking for a while about how to write this post, mainly because the story is long and complicated, but also because it deals with an issue that EVERYONE experiences from time to time. Even if a friend isn’t completely toxic (which mine turned out to be), we all outgrow friendships sometimes. It’s part of life. I also don’t want to waste 500 words on my personal life, even though I know everyone likes a little bit of gossip and drama that doesn’t involve them. So, who’s up for some guilt-free reading?

   I’ll try to make this summary short and sweet. Basically, I was profoundly wounded, over and over again, by one of my “best” friends--let’s call her Rachel. Lol. Because that’s her name. And I’m not a real journalist, just a personal blogger who happened to get fucked over by her. She was also one of the friends I’ve had the longest, dating back from high school. Many of you who know me, probably know her, or at least know of her. So. Rachel decided to get married, and asked me to be her maid of honor. She lives in Florida, and I live in Spain. Recognizing the financial challenges this would present me with, I still wholeheartedly agreed to be her maid of honor, although I did suggest that maybe one of her friends who also lived in Florida should share the role me, as I obviously wouldn’t be able to plan a bridal shower or bachelorette party, because, duh. I live thousands of miles away. (She rejected this option, for the record.) For the following 15 months, we talked only about her wedding. And the rhetoric got more and more brutal--and more and more hurtful--as we went, especially as I reached what I will call my “financial limit”, also known as a budget.

   When that finally happened, and I officially couldn’t spend any more money on makeup, hair, or anything else, it became much clearer where I stood with her and how little I meant to her. But since I live so far away, it was easy to push to the back of my mind and not think about. Here is just one example (my second favorite one, I’m saving my favorite one for later) of the conversations we would have: Rachel wanted me to spend $70 to get my hair done, which I realize is not a ridiculous amount, but after having spent SO much money on a flight, a rental car, the dress, etc., I was feeling particularly strapped for cash, and so I told her that getting my hair done was just not in the cards for me.

   “Well we have 83 days until the wedding...couldn’t you just save $1 a day?”

   Honestly, I was shocked. Where was my friend? Where was her compassion, her empathy for me? I tried to continue:

   “It’s just that I’ve already spent a lot of money, and I still I have so much left to pay for, it’s going to be a really expensive trip, and plus, I think that the most important thing is that I will be there on your special day.”

   I was met with silence. Silence that lasted for so long, I started to count the seconds as they went by. Let’s just say that was an awkward conversation closer. She later (as in a completely different conversation later on) went on to tell me that she “knew she was being petty” but she had “paid a lot of money for a photographer” so she deserved to be petty. Again, where did my friend go?

   I’m sure you’re all saying by now, “how could you not realize that this hideous person wasn’t your friend anymore?” And all I can say is, I don’t really know. I supposed some part of me knew, but I just didn’t want to see it. I wanted to hope that the friend I had known would come back. As you can tell from the title of this post, she didn’t.

   I tried one last time to salvage things. I called her. I told her there was tension between us, and I wanted to clear it away, because she deserved to have nothing but happiness on her wedding day. She blamed me for the tension, saying that I made her feel guilty. This went on for an hour. Even when I told her I felt like she no longer wanted to be my friend anymore, there was no moment where she even pretended to be sorry that she had hurt my feelings.

   And here comes my favorite example. As many of you know, I am also getting married in December. (YAY!) And so after we had “cleared the air”, I asked her if she still wanted to come to my wedding in December, as I would just rather know now than find out later. After making some excuse about “plane tickets being expensive” (REALLY? I didn’t know! *Sarcasm*), she told me, “It would just be more convenient for me if you could get married in June.”

!@#^&Y^%$#@!

   So I guess that wasn’t really that short, but it was an extremely stressful situation for me, and also the first time in my adult life that I had to cut a toxic "friend” out of my life. I don’t let this show about me (at least I don’t think I do), but I absolutely hate confrontation. I mean, who doesn’t really? And after this last conversation--it would indeed be our last--I had to face the facts. Even though I desperately wanted my friend to come back, she had left a long time ago and it didn’t seem that she was going to return. All I had wanted was an apology, a moment of compassion, where she acknowledged my feelings, but it never happened. 

   After all of this, I have come up with a couple tips. They might seem pretty simple now, but boy oh boy, just try to remember them when you’re in the thick of it! Would have saved me lots of time and money, not to mention loads of guilt and stress.

1. Listen to the words the person tells you, but pay more attention to their actions. The actions are where it’s at, baby. If your “friend” is telling you they want to be friends with you, but their actions show a different story, then as Dan Savage says, “Dump the motherfucker already!” Otherwise known as, DTMFA.

2. The moment someone stops showing you the love, compassion, and/or empathy you deserve, leave (because we all fucking deserve those things from the people who supposedly love us). DTMFA! This can be hard to see, and it takes a lot of people treating you shittily to recognize, but man, when you finally do, get the fuck out of there!

3. Listen to your gut. Even when it’s whispering. Because 100% of the time, it will be right. Along with this, also pay attention to your physical reaction to things. If your gut clenches, bad sign. If you can’t eat or sleep, get rid of them.

   P.S. These all apply to family as well--family members can be toxic, and just because they are family doesn’t mean you have to stick around. The moment I truly learned this, my life improved immensely.

    I will leave our last interaction, and quite possibly the moment you've all been waiting for--namely the “did she go to the wedding moment??”, here; immortalized on the internet forever, so that I can feel as though I tried my hardest to be a decent person and a decent friend until the very end, and end this post on a contented note (because after all this, I am happier without her in my life):

Me: So this has been one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make, but I will not be attending your wedding, and by extension neither will my mom, Toño, or Bethany. And it is important to me that you know why. I feel as though we stopped being friends a long time ago and I just didn't realize it..that the most important thing to you is your wedding. While your wedding is important, to me what mattered more is our friendship. And it doesn't seem like you feel the same way, and I am deeply hurt by this. Not once have you asked about how our trip is going, or about the reception we had in erie, or anything about my life at all. I am getting married too and it gives me great joy, and I feel like that should only add to your joy. But it seems to me as though that is not the case, and it confuses me and hurts me. I could go on with more examples, but I think what I've already said suffices. You said our friendship was changing and evolving, but I think it ended a while ago and I just didn't see it. Maybe I'm wrong, but every time we have talked in the last six months (or maybe more) I have left the conversation feeling like shit, and that is not how a friendship should be. I feel like the only thing that matters to you is that I show up to your wedding to keep the numbers even, and that after your wedding you will drop our friendship anyways. Like I said, i could be wrong. But that's what my gut is telling me. So I'm calling it now. I wish you the best and happiest life with Dan and hope you get everything you want. I will cherish our memories.

Rachel: You have caused me so much stress and above all sadness. None of this deserves a reply but you should know that. If you think it's about numbers then that means we lost our friendship even before I thought we did. For the record, I went through a hurricane (and plenty of other life things) and you also never asked how I am. So whatever you're feeling, I feel the same exact way about you and your situation. Good bye.

   Pettiness, bullshit, selfishness, and absolutely no compassion or recognition from her until the very end! She truly showed me her true (ugly) self. 

   By the way, whoever thinks blogging isn’t therapeutic should really try it out, by the way.

[jrubalcaba]

Precious Cargo Ch. 13 - The Departure

Precious Cargo Chapter 13 - The Departure

author: jrubalcaba

featuring: OFC Guinevere “Gwen” Adams x Bucky Barnes

word count: 1235 words

rating: PG

warnings: shooting, blood, cussing

A/N: You guys ready for a curve ball?. @avenger-nerd-mom gets yet another shout out for being my beta!

RING. RING. RING.

RING. RING. RING. 

I don't remember setting my alarm last night. I opened my eyes and grabbed my phone. It wasn't the one going off, so I rolled over to see if Barnes was awake. He wasn't, but his phone kept ringing. I tried reaching over him to grab it, but I couldn't reach. So, as much as I didn't want to be near him, I got up and straddled his hip. That allowed me to grab his phone and upon seeing the caller ID, I hurriedly accepted the call. 

“Morning Steve. No, he's still asleep.” I suddenly lurched sideways as Barnes rolled to his back and gazed up at me. I held my finger up as I continued listening to Steve. “You found them? Are they ok? Oh my god. That's amazing!” Barnes sat up suddenly and grabbed the phone from my hand, his metal one going to hold my hip.

“Steve what's going on?” His voice was gravely from sleep. “You guys found their parents? That's...great. So we have to come home? Oh. Ok. Well I guess we'll get everything packed up and head out. Bye.” He hung up and tossed his phone on the table. “We get to go home. Kinda sucks,” he said regretfully.

“Yeah, I bet you're really disappointed. You won't get to see your lady friend anymore,” I lamented. He frowned at me before I continued. “I'm sure if you wanted, you could move out here and see her all the time,” I spat at him, climbing off the bed so I could start packing. He groaned before getting off the bed as well.

“For the last time, nothing happened. Why on earth would I mess around with some stranger when I have you at home?” He argued. I shook my head as I  pulled my shirt over my head and turned toward him. He gasped when he saw me in just my underwear. I chuckled before walking to the dresser. 

“Beats me. Probably when you got tired of seeing this everyday. I hope she was worth it,” I snapped. I grabbed my clothes and stepped into the bathroom. After I was finished getting ready, I left to pack my clothes when I saw that he had already packed my suitcase for me. I walked out of the bedroom and I could hear him and Elliott talking in the little boy’s room. I went into Zoey’s room and started to wake her up. “Zoey. Zoey sweetie. It's time to wake up.” She stirred a bit before opening her eyes. “Zoey, guess what? Our friends found your mommy and daddy. You get to see them today.” She shot up and grinned, her eyes bright. She threw her arms around me and squeezed me tight. “Hurry and get ready because the faster we get ready, the faster we leave and see your mommy and daddy.” She scrambled off her bed and ran out the door into Elliott's room, where I heard her talk for the first time since they arrived. 

“Ellwet, mommy daddy day!” She gleefully giggled and ran back into her room. I handed her the clothes I picked out and started packing the rest of her clothes up. After she was dressed, we went in the kitchen to grab a quick bite while Barnes loaded the suitcases in the suburban. As soon as we were done eating, we loaded up and headed out. Once we got into town, we pulled into the lone gas station and he got out and filled up the tank.

A black sedan pulled up in front of us by the other pump as Barnes was walking inside to pay. I could see three men inside, two up front and one in back, and the driver was staring me down. The man in the back seat happened to lean back and I caught a glimpse of a gun. I knew I had only seconds before shit went sideways. 

“Elliott, Zoey, I need you to listen to me,” I began, trying not to call attention to the fact that I was chambering my handgun in my lap. “Elliott I need you to unbuckle yourself and Zoey and then get in the back seat, get down on the floor and hide under the blanket back there.” The men were getting out of the car and they were carrying rifles. “Do not move unless Bucky or I come get you. Stay down and do not get up, do you understand?” I never heard their answer because the men began shooting.

The kids started screaming and I looked back to see that they were scrambling into the back of the suburban. I couldn't see out the windshield directly in front of me , so I crawled over the center console into Bucky’s seat. I looked over and saw that one of the men was shooting toward the store, no doubt in an attempt to keep Bucky from coming to help. The other two men stopped to reload and I took the opportunity to kick open the door and begin shooting back.  I shot the thug closest to me and he went down. The driver roared in anger and advanced on me, shooting me in the left shoulder a few times.

Motherfucker that hurt. 

I slipped and fell to the ground, completely exposed as the driver rounded the front of the suburban, aiming right at me. “That was my brother, you fucking whore!” he yelled, spit flying from his mouth. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Bucky’s shotgun poking out from under the seat. I could grab it, but I needed to distract this guy. “I guess being the Winter Soldier’s fucky buddy isn't all it's cracked up to be,” the thug taunted. I looked over his shoulder, pretending to be excited, and shouted the only thing I could think of. 

“Bucky!” It worked. The man spun around to search for the non-existent threat and I yanked the shotgun out. I shut the safety off and cocked it, just as he was turning back towards me. “No, fuck you, buddy,” I retorted as I shot him twice in the chest, his blood splattering me. He was dead before he hit the ground, and I used his body as a cover to sit up and shoot the last man. After he fell down, I laid back, trying to come to terms with the fact that I had just killed three men with Elliott and Zoey in the car. I heard footsteps pounding across the parking lot before Bucky appeared above me, looking terrified as he dropped to his knees at my side. 

“Gwen! Oh my god Gwen! Are you ok? Talk to me!” I've never heard him sound so scared before. “Oh shit! You've been shot! Those fuckers! Jesus there's a lot of blood!” I tried to lift my left arm, but that wasn't going to happen, so I raised my right arm and grabbed his hand.

“Bucky, it's ok. It's not just my blood. I shot him,” I mumbled. His metal hand came down and grabbed my shoulder, applying pressure. “Ow,” I groaned while he checked my pulse.

“It's getting weak. The medics should be here soon. Just hang on babe,” he assured me. That was the last thing I remember him saying before Bucky and the world around me faded to black. 

Chapter 14

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[ascendingdevillived456-blog]

Am I pessimistic or just real?

Most of the time I feel like I'm accidentally surviving my own life. Not to sound like I'm bitching, but I don't have any idea why I'm alive. I've been trying to keep my life simple, but found out that is a very complicated and arduous task. I, physically, am 30some years old, and deeply know my spirit or soul or life force or whatever you want to label it as is old as fuck. I'm a little odd, I've been told, but when you realize early in life that nobody anywhere knows what in the bluest bowels of Hell they are doing, you start making decisions that TRULY matter on a high, VERY HIGH, level of deep understanding. Not to sound like a preachy zealous god-freak, but preeeeetty fucking sure we live in and on the garden of eden as mentioned in that book written 2000ish years ago. You know the one, oh... it has that bearded guy in the middle east who was the Christian God's son, but was a Jewish king, a rabbi, a carpenter, and who led a gang of misfit trouble making hooligans that wanted to make life better for everyone and ended up dead and martyred for it and is currently the nearly-nude mascot for countless kitchens and bedrooms in thousands of American homes. Jesus, what is that guy's name.... anyways... that book. I'm not great with names, nor hiding sarcastic remarks or, OR blatant disregard for that which really does not matter.... uh, uh, uh, oh well. Back on topic now. Ready? On this "bestowed paradise" of Ours, there are a few shitty things that I just WILL NOT turn a blind eye to. I got this list, you see, that has the WORST possible inventions on it that the world could have done without. Number 1 is people... People are needy, greedy, dumb, panicky, self-centered, talking alien-ape hybrids that ruin and destroy almost every thing they put their grubby little peter-beaters on. We kill for thrill and pleasure alone or in packs and have this problem understanding what compassion and sharing equally are. I did two years of kindergarten, consecutively I will add, I know you are supposed to share and be nice or something like, oh I don't know, your behavior is checked, and you learn to play with others. And now number 2 (insert low-brow sophomoric butt-mud poop-shit-fart he he he coment here. I did, but think up your own.) my list. Borders. "We look different in skin color or you talk funny, uh oh, I no longer have trust other human being, stay away from my personal comfort zone. We'll be fair though and draw a line in the dirt in case you get the same vibe from me. Ok?" "Ok, good idea. Me and my family will kill you otherwise maybe, yeah, no, yeah. Stay away. Good job." Are you shitting literally me out of your dumb asses? Where is the logic and practicality in that. We let famine happen daily because, what? Noone knows what to do? Help your fucking human brothers and sisters, and the little ones if your heart has room, you apathy ridden bag of severed dicks. This is everyone's home right now, teach people who have no knowledge. There is no such thing as unteachable. Read between the lines here guys and dolls. Break time. Let me tell you that I'm not being a rude loud obnoxious Internet troll here, some of my rants and tangent ramblings have a twisted sense of humor and are meant to make you take a minute and chuckle at its finest absurdities. Oh my, but we can also be multitasking manimals and take some inventory of ourselves and the other manimals in our lives and have conversations with each other like we're meant to. Anyone over 27 will remember a time before everyone had a fucking idiot screen in their face at all times. (Heh, jokes to come.) What separated us from beasts is our ability to develope and utilize language. To any younger folks reading this: we used to sit at the same parties you all do now, and used our minds and speaking abilities to have a blast. I'm talking some wicked-awesome fucking ideas and fun times were had before the wedding of man and technology. Put the phone down, and step away from the screens. Please. Number thwee, sorry had, food in my...nevermind. money is next on my little list of things I see as wrong. If a person has a lot of money, they generally have a lot of stuff to make sure they're happy beyond worry. On the other end of the spectrum you have... anybody? Class! goddamn kids pay a-fucking-tention! You have a person with little to no money. I will spell this out for you and you know who: that person can't be happy beyond worry because, huh? Some people have been going ape shit on their own happy. Hmmm. Opposite of happy? Right, thanks Julien, smart guy you are, UNhappy. I hope I just made a Julien's mind blow apart. Lol. Now, monetary wealth is referred to as worth. If you gots like soooooo much worth like it's bananas and stuff, then your like totally worthwhile or worthy. Julien, let someone else try now, get your tongue out of my ass you brown-noser. If you ever want to be heart broken ask the poor kid at an elementary school how he feels after the first recess after Christmas break. I bet the word worthless crosses both your minds and you purse your lips and them real big empathy tears well up in your eyes. That kid is programed to think money and worth are the same thing, and will do what he or she can to make sure they ALWAYS HAVE money when they grow up otherwise everyone else will know they are worthless. Made myself cry a little bit there. Guns guns guns are 4 on this list which may make you laugh or at best pissed. In case you missed I'd be remissed if I didn't say you need to come up with your own rhymes and eloquence. Guns though are made for one thing; ending lives. Plain and simple, keep reading you left wingers and right wingers both. The eagle that is the U.S. of A needs you both to work together in order to soar. I have really upset myself with saying that, but it's out there now, ain't it? I feel everyone should have gun training and own a minimum of three guns open carry on a daily basis (we've already got them and they've seemed to dug their heels in so we might as well adapt with the fucking things.) A semi-auto rifle for hunting food, a shotgun for food/eminent defenses, and a pistol for protection of family and home. Common knowledge for everyone should be stated from an early age: IF YOU DRAW A FIREARM ON A FELLOW HUMAN BEING, BE SURE THAT YOU CAN MAKE THE CONCESSION THAT YOUR LIFE HOLDS MORE VALUE THAN THEIR'S THEIR POSSIBLE DEPENDENTS. DO NOT SHOOT TO MAIM. IF YOU DRAW, SHOOT, AND SHOOT TO KILL. REMEMBER THAT THEY ARE AWARE OF THIS TOO, AND IF YOU KILL THEM. YOU MUST LIVE WITH THE MEMORY OF YOU NEEDLESSLY TAKING A HUMAN LIFE BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT YOUR LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT THEN THEIR'S. guns huh? 5. Prescription drugs. Pharmaceutical companies are not your friends. Especially in the world of psychological medication and pain management. I take aspirin on occasion, in my younger days I was always told I "needed something to help me." Help me do what? From the age of 11 until I was into my mid twenties I've been on damn near everything besides Haledol and Geodon. Thanks for being good dealers...I mean doctors and pharmacists. If you want to ask my diagnosis I will share, but let me say that I haven't taken nor would I recommend any person to give a child DRUGS. They are not safe because they are prescribed. Ritalin is molecularly identical to cocaine. No bullshit. They are training kids to be druggies later in life and parents and insurance companies pay for it. Act now and for $799.00 a month you won't k ow who you are, have bleeding of the teeth, lazy finger syndrome, backward stools, brain bleeding episodes, coma and death, but wait there's more. If that pill doesn't work simply tell us and we will give you some other stuff that will make sure your little boy grows tits like a woman and may have a compulsive gambling and or masturbatory addiction with possible suicidal ideation. At least he'll do better on his homework. Fast forward to early adulthood... "oh mummsy? Daddykins? Whatever do you mean I'm no longer on your insurance plans? I simply must have all these pills to be completely the best I can be." "Gee you can just acquisition the local the scumbags who clandestinely make and distribute the bad version of the same drug you've been on for your whole life, my golden child." And don't forget the ssri's. Google this shit kids: ssri's long-term effects on the mind and body. And finally number 6. Social networking. I've never had a Facebook, MySpace, twitter, or anything else. This site I found accidentally while bored and this is my first time posting anything anywhere. The negatively charged part of social media is shit like; omg I 8 a waffle cone with chokl8 chip cookie dough ice cream scoops. Kill yourself you fat cow. Oh boo hoo sad face.... So long cruelty of this place, I have been wearing my life inappropriately I've been informed. Good bye 14 years. Wrapping up at this point as I've said enough for now. I'll be that eccentric and hilariously unfiltered buddy of you get my styles here. Just need to vent sometimes. Help me with Tumblr if you're interested in that... I guess. Looking forward to seeing responses. It should be noted that I have the utmost respect for any religion but abhor the use of faith as a means to control and not gain a better relationship with divinity. I'm not a doctor or political ass hat. I'm a song writing free-spirited music loving real deal motherfucker. "And I didn't even graduate FROM fucking highschool." I.Q. is up a bit above above average. No, that is not a typo.