#I'm genuinely sorry about the length of this rant

[ananxiousgenz]

okay now that I've had a night to sleep on it I just wanna take a minute and go absolutely buckwild over john doe in part 26 bc like. I was expecting the "I will not let you drown" line. I've seen the fanarts of it floating around, I knew that was coming. what actually fucking killed me was the second I realized john was reciting a robert frost poem to calm arthur down. and not just any robert frost poem, one that has been quoted over and over again, usually by arthur. that made me start SOBBING bc like.

this inhuman entity, who around 4-5 months prior, wanted arthur and the rest of humanity dead just because he had power and could kill them. learned so much from this broken mess of a man. learned about stories and poetry and music and mysteries and compassion and love and fell in love with all of it so deeply that it permanently changed who he is and how he sees humans and the world they live in. changed him so much that when he saw his friend crumbling under the weight of his own grief and guilt, chose to not only comfort him, but chose to comfort him with a poem. a fucking poem. when john has been so deeply invested in the stories and poems he's heard from arthur. he heard one that he liked enough to memorize and to keep close to his heart. and he chose to give it back again when his friend needed it most. to reach a hand out to arthur with a thing he loved and tell him he's heard. he's not alone. but he needs to keep going. most human action imaginable. do you think arthur ever recited that poem to john? to keep him calm when he got scared and lashed out? and that's how john learned it? and it brought him enough peace and comfort that he figured it would help arthur too??

literally the only equivalent I can come up with for this moment is something I saw once a long time ago. so my mom was sick. like really sick. normally she's a power-through-a-cold kind of person and she was laid out on the couch, so she wasn't doing great. and our dog, who was a lot younger then, knew something was wrong, and clearly wanted to make her feel better but didn't know how. so, she got her favorite toy, and gently shoved it into my mom's mouth. a kind of "I don't know how to make you feel better, so here's something I love and I hope it helps." it was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. and it wasn't that the bone itself helped, it was the act of giving it that made everyone feel a little bit better. and that is what happened here. it's not the thing that john gave, even though it is significant, it's the fact that he chose to give it.

nobody talk to me for the next 5 business days, I'm going absolutely insane

[singularattitudeofasafetypin]

If you wanted me, you really should've showed

Masterlist

Summary: Eddie is head over heels for Reader but there’s one slight problem. Her boyfriend, Adam. Despite this, Eddie tries to settle for being a good friend instead but when Adam gets possessive, Reader has to figure out what she really wants out of a relationship.

Word Count: 7k

Warnings: Bullying, insecurity, controlling mildly threatening boyfriend.

A/N - Inspired by this scene from the Princess Diaries II, and a song my dad listens to that I don’t know the name of. I had fun with this one, I hope you enjoy it!

Please don’t steal my work

It was no secret. Eddie Munson was in love with you!

He wasn't shy about showing it either. Many a weekly rant on social conformity was interrupted to proclaim you the prettiest, cleverest girl in Hawkins, always accompanied by a deep bow and a dazzling smile. He held every door for you with that same love-sick smile plastered across his face. Handwritten notes and slightly crumpled flowers were a common occurrence but never failed to bring a rosy blush to your cheeks. Head over heels was an understatement.

There was just one small problem.

'Hey- I uh… I was thinking… maybe we could go out tonight?' Having run the length of the hall to catch up with you, Eddie struggled to keep his breathing steady. At least he told himself that was why. His arms were folded to keep his hands from shaking. He’d been psyching himself up for this all week! 'There's this new milkshake place opened at mall and then I thought we could watch a movie together or something. Kind of like a date? But it doesn't have to be if you don't want!' He garbled the rest, cheeks bright red and his voice quavering slightly.

Your face fell, heart aching with the answer you had to give him. 'Oh Eddie,' the least you could do was make it easy for him, 'I'm so sorry, but I-'

'Hey babe!'

An arm slung around your shoulders and your boyfriend pulled you in for a kiss. He shot a dirty look at Eddie when you broke. 'I was coming Adam,’ you reassured. 'I was just...' you looked back at Eddie with apology written in your expression.

His eyes flicked between you, taking in the green jacket emblazoned with a tiger Adam wore. It didn’t take long to put two and two together. 'You know what? Don't worry about it!' he tried to smile but it didn’t reach his eyes and he stumbled over his words. 'I'll see you round!' And with that, he spun on his heel and walked quickly away.

'Was that freak bothering you?' Adam demanded. He didn’t care that Eddie was still within earshot.

'Don’t call him that!' you frowned, an awkward sensation twisting in your tummy. 'We were just talking!'

Adam shrugged, ignoring your reproach and steering you in the opposite direction. He chattered on about the next big game and the huge afterparty that was planned. You nodded and agreed at intervals but his words washed over you.

You couldn’t stop thinking about the heartbroken look Eddie had been unable to hide.

*

You didn’t stop thinking about it all weekend!

He'd looked so crushed. There wasn’t anything else you could have said but still, you'd have liked to let him down a little more gently.

Walking into school on Monday, you were greeted by cheerleaders coming out of practice, a novel experience for you. Since Adam had asked you out, the cheerleaders had started paying you more attention than you liked. They were friendly, you supposed, but it didn’t feel genuine. Before Adam noticed you, you were a nobody. You belonged to no particular group and didn’t have many friends. Now all of a sudden, they cared? They treated you more like a pet. The poor, ill-fated girl lucky enough to be made holy by the hands of the basketball team. Still, you couldn’t help but feel obliged to them.

You made your way to your locker as they trailed behind, gossiping amongst themselves. You fiddled with the combination and felt a pang of disappointment. There would be no note from Eddie this morning. Until they were gone, you hadn’t realised how much you relied on them. Perhaps it was selfish but those few scribbled words of encouragement had always brightened an otherwise cloudy day.

It was to your surprise then, as you opened it, a carefully folded piece of paper tumbled out and fluttered to the floor. You recognised the familiar spiky scrawl instantly. Eddie's handwriting traumatised his teachers but you could read it like a second language.

Unbeknownst to you, Eddie watched from across the hall. He smiled to himself as your lips curved softly upwards. Of course, you had a boyfriend! He'd been stupid to think you wouldn’t! At least he knew he hadn’t screwed things up between you by being foolish.

'The world is lucky to have someone as tender hearted as you!'

You folded the note carefully, moving to tuck into your bag when a sharp, shrill voice startled you.

'That freak isn’t still harassing you, is he?'

Jessica Vaughn, captain of the cheer squad and self-proclaimed Queen of Hawkins High sported a look of pure disgust, 'Doesn’t he know you have a boyfriend?'

Your skin crawled at the cruel insult uttered so casually. 'He knows,' you mumbled, ducking your head and clenching the note protectively in your fist.

'Oh honey!' a fit of giggled ensued, 'He must think he can win you over or something!'

A few of her friends joined in, their voices dripping with faux sympathy and disgust interchangeably.

'Oh, you poor thing!'

'As if you'd ever choose him over a member of the basketball team!'

'You shouldn’t lead him on,' one advised, 'He might get the wrong idea!'

'Yes, you shouldn’t let him think he's got a chance!' Jessica giggled at the thought as the bell rung. Nobody saw you wince at their words.

You made your way to homeroom in silence, letting the crowd pull you along while you tried to make sense of your predicament. Sure, you weren’t about to dump Adam, but for all their cruelty and arrogance, they were right about one thing. You shouldn’t lead him on.

It wasn’t fair.

You made up your mind to talk to him in English. The two of you sat next to each other in the back, but how to say it consumed your thoughts all day.

'Hey, Eddie?' you whispered, keeping an eye on Mr Boushebel so as not to get caught. Eddie looked over the moment he heard your voice, his adoring smile unknowingly twisting the knot in your stomach tighter.

'Yeah?'

'I want to say thanks... for the note this morning! Thank you for all of them really...'

'You're welcome!' he beamed like nothing had changed.

You sighed and grimaced. Why did he have to make this harder? 'It's just, I'm with Adam and that's probably not gonna change anytime soon... and I don't want you to think I'm leading you on or anything-!'

'I don’t think that!' the swiftness of his reply caught you by surprise, and so did the honest reassurance in his eyes. 'Look,' he leaned closer, keeping his voice low as he fiddled with the silver rings adorning his fingers, 'I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable the other day. I'd really like to stay friends if that's okay with you?'

'Oh no! You didn’t...'

'Mr Munson!' Mr Boushebel’s nasal voice rang clear through the room, 'Kindly refrain from distracting your peers and focus on the lesson at hand!'

Eddie made a show of apologising earning a disapproving eyeroll as the teacher turned back to the board. You couldn’t help but laugh as he rolled his own eyes, slumping back in his seat, but behind his antics, he was still waiting for an answer.

'Yes,' you whispered and Eddie's smile softened. ‘It’s okay!’

*

More or less, things went on as they had.

Maybe it was selfish, the relief you felt? You weren't infallible; the attention was nice. A nice change. You contented yourself with the fact you'd been honest with him. He knew where he stood, if he still wanted to be kind to you, who were you to stop him?

Whether you admitted it or not though, things were different now. You hadn’t exactly bandied it about before, but now you found yourself taking care the girls you were supposed to call friends didn’t know about the continued affections you received from Eddie. You took to pressing the flowers he gave in the back of your notebook instead of threading them through your hair or the buttonholes of your cardigan. Instead of drinking in the thoughtful compliments he wrote, you stuffed them into your pocket, waiting until you were alone to read them and feel your heart lift.

If Eddie noticed these small deceptions, it didn’t deter him. Every morning, without fail, you were met with a posy of handpicked wildflowers and a few heartfelt lines observing some hidden jewel of your character.

Some of them bordered on poetry.

*

Things weren't exactly unhappy with Adam. Unsure perhaps? Indefinite?

To tell the truth, he was your first real relationship; you were still getting to grips with exactly what that meant. Everyone else seemed to understand. Why couldn’t you?

Most of the jocks and cheerleaders you sat alongside were paired up together. It was rare for them to venture outside of their group for a partner; you were an exception so you tried to follow their example.

Frankie was always perched on Chase’s lap, her arms around his neck, fingers trailing along his collarbone while his rested on her waist. That felt a little bold for you but you tried to sit as close as possible, opting to rest your cheek on his shoulder but he didn’t seem to notice.

Every time you saw Becky, she and Ryan were locked in conversation. What they spoke about was a mystery to you but both seemed to be consumed. As the general chatter lulled, you took the chance to try the new approach.

‘I’ve been reading this really lovely book Adam! It’s called Little Women and-!’

‘Wow, boring much?’ Jimmy Davis cut you off without a second thought. ‘You aren’t gonna bring all that nerd stuff over here, are you?’

You couldn’t speak. With a simple look, all the confidence was knocked out of you. He turned to Adam and laughed, ‘Next thing you know, she’ll be bringing her homework to lunch!’

Tears pricked in your eyes as Adam laughed along with him. Their discourse resumed like nothing had happened. You blinked them away. No one saw.

Jessica and Tony were all over each other. Making out in the hallways, feet touching in the aisles of the classroom. His hand always seemed to be somewhere near the hem of her skirt. It was still early in your relationship and you weren’t completely sure you wanted that yet, but it was worth a try. You tried to reach out, to shower him in affection the way the other girls did but almost every time he brushed you off. Pulled away and scowled as though you were inconveniencing him.

So instead, you fell silent. Ate your lunch with your head down and gave affirmative answers when a question was asked. They took no notice.

Your eyes tended to wander over the other tables; people-watching had become a habit during lonely lunchtimes. More and more often, you gaze came to rest on Hellfire. They were always animated and lively, often talking over each other in their excitement but never leaving any member out.

Unconsciously, your attention was drawn to their leader. He was no stranger to conversing loudly himself but you noticed how quickly he stopped to listen. The way a brotherly fondness fell over his features whenever one of the younger ones spoke and he sat forward to hang onto their words.

Perhaps that day a kindly angel was looking out for you. As you stared over at them, your head propped up in your hands, something made Eddie turn his head and his eyes met yours. Under anyone else’s gaze, you would have looked away quickly, pretending to find interest in the floor but you didn’t. He offered a soft smile and, in that moment the world blurred around you. It was like there was no one else in the room. Instantly you felt better, heart lighter. You couldn’t help but smile back at the silent reminder you weren’t alone.

‘Helloo?’ Jessica waved her hand in front of your face, breaking the spell and bringing you crashing back down to earth. The whole table was staring at you, teasing smirks warping at many mouths. ‘What’s the matter with you?’

You tried to brush them off, forcing yourself to shrug despite the heat burning in your cheeks. ‘Nothing, sorry, what were you saying?’

Frankie was looking behind her, craning her neck to see what you’d been staring at then leaned in close with an expression of sordid delight on her face, ‘You aren’t sweet on the freak are you?’

‘What? No!’ you protested as they erupted into giggles. ‘I was just daydreaming that’s all!’

‘Is he still sending you love letters?’ Jessica asked through hysterical tears.

Adam pricked up at this, ‘What?’ His expression turned from confusion to anger in a matter of seconds. Jessica stopped laughing.

‘You didn’t know?’

‘It’s nothing, I promise!’ you hurried to explain, guilt nagging in your tummy as you downplayed your interactions to reassure him. Your account seemed to assuage him and soon he too fell to teasing you while you tried to laugh along.

*

After lunch, you walked with Adam to class. His arm seemed tighter around your shoulders than normal; it was probably just your imagination. As he dropped you off at your classroom, one of his friends piped up, ‘We’re still on for extra practice tonight, right?’

The boys all replied to the affirmative and surprise hit you when Adam joined them. ‘I’ll be there!’

‘But I thought we were going out tonight? We planned it a week ago!’ you’d caught his hand but he only shrugged, pulling out of your reach.

‘Sorry babe! We can do it next week or whatever!’

‘Adam, you said you’d take me home tonight!’ Your house was an hour’s walk away.

He was losing patience now, ‘Just wait around!’ he snapped, ‘I’ll take you after practice! It’s not that big of a deal!’

And then he walked away.

*

You sat in the hall, back against the lockers and long since abandoned homework laid out in front of you as your eyes devoured the pages of ‘Little Women’ searching for solace. School had ended almost two hours ago. The lights were starting to hurt your head.

Somewhere down the corridor, a door opened and a flurry of excited voices broke the silence.

‘No way did you include a secret passageway!’

‘I did not see that goblin hoard coming!’

‘Can’t wait to see what happens next week Eds!’

The small gaggle passed by and Eddie caught sight of you alone. He quickly excused himself, promising more plot-twists and epic battles before making his way over.

‘Hey! How come you’re still here?’

You brightened instinctively at the sound of his voice. ‘Adam had extra practice,’ you explained. A look of impatience flashed across his face. Just for a moment, then it was gone. Eddie stuck his hands in his pockets and smiled.

‘Well, Hellfire’s done now; do you want a lift home?’

You hesitated. You did, you really did, but Adam would go ballistic if he found out. ‘It’s okay, he won’t be too long!’ You hoped.

Eddie nodded, sitting down beside you, ‘Can I wait with you then? Far be it from me to abandon a fair damsel to solitude!’

You nodded, laughing along at the funny voice he put on. You had no idea how glad Eddie was to make you smile; his eyes never left your face. Sunshine seemed to spill from every pour.

‘Tell me about your book!’ he requested, tucking his legs up and settling back against the lockers.

Forty minutes later, the doors to the gym swung open. Perhaps practice had gone badly. Perhaps he’d missed the last shot or coach had been especially tough that night. Adam had forgotten all about the teasing at lunchtime but when he rounded the corner and saw you sitting with Eddie Munson, when he saw him making you laugh and smile, it all came flooding back. Harmless jokes transformed to threat and trespass. You never smiled like that for him. Pride gave way to rage.

‘Back off Munson!’

His voice made you flinch. Eddie jumped up, taking a step back as Adam barrelled down the hall, spitting venom. He was angrier than you’d ever seen him. You stumbled to your feet, stepping in front of your boyfriend, hands stretched out, hoping to calm him down.

‘Adam, what are you-?’ he caught you, his hand sealing around your upper arm and jabbing a finger at Eddie.

‘She’s my girlfriend, freak! You stay the hell away from her!’ His fingers were so tight they began to bruise your arm. You tried in vain to subdue his fury but that only seemed to rile him more. ‘Crawl back to your trailer where you belong, trash!’

Eddie stood silent; his mouth half open like he wanted to say something but thought better of it. He glanced at you, a wordless apology heavy in his eyes, then walked away without a fight.

You breathed out.

Adam glared after him ‘til he was out of sight before he released you and stormed off in the other direction. For a split second, your heart was torn. Then you scrambled to pick up your things, stuffing them into your bag and running after him.

‘What the hell was that?’ The cold night air hit your face as the double doors swung shut behind you. Adam scoffed at the question but didn’t stop. ‘Why are you being so mean?’

‘What was he doing near you!’ the fury in his tone made you falter. He’d never sounded so cross.

‘Nothing!’ you were nearing the car. Clutching the bag on your shoulder, you stumbled over to the passenger side. ‘He just asked if I needed a ride and we were talking! That’s all!’

‘No! He’s trying to get it on with you!’ Adam jabbed a finger in your direction as he yanked the door open.

You almost laughed at the accusation, following suite and throwing your bag in the footwell, ‘Don’t be ridiculous! He was just being nice!’ He pulled his own door closed with a slam. ‘You don’t have to get so jealous!’

‘Jealous?’ That was the wrong thing to say! Adam was seething, ‘Of him? Of that freak?’

‘Look, Adam, I’m with you! It’s harmless, I promise!’ your own anger sparked, ‘Why don’t you trust me?’

He wasn’t listening. ‘You tell him to knock it off or I will!’

You hesitated. The look in his eyes was one you’d never seen before. Something like fear stirred in your chest. No, not fear! You pushed that thought away, he was your boyfriend, he wasn’t going to hurt you! But in the same second, you realised who he would hurt.

You swallowed, as he backed out of the parking lot faster than normal. His hands gripped the steering wheel so tight they turned white.

Neither of you said a word on the way home.

*

‘I’m sorry Eddie-!’

‘You don’t have to be sorry!’

The sounds of the cafeteria echoed down the deserted hall. Eddie sighed deeply, ‘I’m sorry!’

He knew this would happen eventually. He should have left you alone the moment he found out you had a boyfriend. Sure, it would have hurt, been unbearable even, but now you were mixed up in it all too. Now you would have to untangle the mess he’d made; manage the tempers he had riled.

‘It’s okay,’ you gave him a small smile, ‘You’ve been so kind. I’m grateful, really!’ You paused, ‘I just… I know what he’s like and I really don’t want you to get hurt!’

He smiled wryly. Eddie knew what the basketball team were like too and while he’d gladly withstand any punishment they decided to inflict, he didn’t want to cause you more pain than he already had. The time for dreaming was done. He nodded and left with all the grace and pleasantries he’d always afforded you.

He hoped you didn’t see the heartbreak in his eyes.

*

Life went on.

Gone were the notes and trinkets in your locker. No longer brightened by secret smiles and whispered compliments, the world turned grey.

You tried to pretend as if nothing had happened. As if clouds hadn’t blocked out the sun, as if all its warmth hadn’t drained away. He was never uncivil, never unkind, but now the two of you existed on different plains. Without Eddie, a gaping hole had been left behind and now you had to find something to fill it with.

Constant surveillance became the norm. It seemed Adam was always watching you somehow. From the corner of his eye at lunch, one of his teammates moving next to you in a lesson, or a cheerleader looping her arm through yours.

Try as you might, in the beginning you couldn’t help looking up when Eddie walked in. He hardly ever ate in the cafeteria anymore and when he did, he was silent. Picking at his food while his friends tried to pick up the pieces on their own.

Adam was quick to notice and settle an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer and shooting a look which told you his patience was wearing thin.

You tried instead to listen to the conversations at your own table. The cycle was endless. Gossip and sports and who was going out with who. Whose social suicide would make the headlines today. It was mind-numbing.

You ought to be grateful really. People dreamed about this life. Popularity, fame, and all the rest of it. You sat among kings and queens, had earned the honour of their interest. Adam had given you all this. Most girls would kill to be in your place. You were indebted to him.

Time went on, each day more soulless than the last.

Adam began to be more affectionate, or at least put on a convincing performance for everyone else. He must have sensed people thought there was trouble in paradise. Doubt would not be tolerated.

It started out as small things. His arm dropped to rest around your waist for instance, holding you snugly against him. Things you might have enjoyed in the beginning, but now you couldn’t shake the idea that he had some ulterior motive.

One day, you were walking down the hallways. Arm in arm, and actually talking for once, only about Adam’s hopes for the basketball season, but it was a start, when out of nowhere, he pushed you up against the lockers and started kissing you with a force. One hand on the side of your neck, tangling itself in your hair and manoeuvring you with ease.

After the shock, you tried to kiss back. Maybe this meant things were alright again? Maybe this meant you were forgiven?

His other hand trailed down your ribs, slipping deftly under the hem of your shirt. ‘Adam, stop!’ You broke away in surprise, pushing on his arm, ‘We’re in school! You protested.

And just like that, he stopped. Turned and carried on walking without explanation. Without a word.

Confusion flooded your mind as you smoothed your shirt and glanced around to see if anyone else had witnessed his strange behaviour. Searching for an answer to such violent yet fleeting passion, you felt your stomach drop at the sight of a familiar leather jacket disappearing around the corner.

‘Oh,’ you thought, guilt and shame burning in your cheeks.

That was why.

*

It was late one Saturday night. Lamplight enveloped your room as you sat alone in the warm, comforting glow. A tangle of emotions weighed on your heart.

You and Adam had argued earlier. These days, it seemed all you did was argue. He’d insisted you come to some big party this evening.

‘I just don’t feel up to it!’

Everyone would be there, but you were tired and really didn’t feel like being around a bunch of drunk teens groping each other while Adam tried to convince you to go and make out upstairs.

‘Why do you have to be so boring?’ he’d complained, ‘It’s just a party!’

‘I’m not going! You go ahead if you want to!’

He’d left in a huff, muttering under his breath and you biked home by yourself. Were relationships supposed to feel like this? You wondered all the way home. You didn’t exactly have a wealth of experience to draw on. Somehow you didn’t think Jessica or the other cheerleaders would give the advice you needed.

Love was hard. So many people had told you that. It’s not like the movies. You sighed; was that all that was wrong? Were your expectations too high?

A tap on the window roused you from your thoughts. You jumped, half thinking you imagined it but there it was again. A sharp, swift tap like something hitting the glass.

Swinging your legs off the bed, you crept over and pulled back the curtain just in time for a third pebble to hit the pane a few inches from your face.

You flinched, then leaned forward, searching the darkened street for the attacker. Shadows and streetlights outlined a figure wincing at the indignation on your face. ‘Sorry!’ they mouthed.

Fond astonishment bubbled up and you pushed the window open. ‘Eddie?’ you whisper-yelled. Were you dreaming?

He beamed up at you, dropping a handful of pebbles and throwing up his hands in defence, ‘I know! I know you said to knock it off, but I have to show you something!’

‘What?’

He motioned, ‘Come down!’

You leaned back into your room and glanced at the clock by your bedside, ‘It’s eleven fifty-one, Eddie!’

‘I know!’ he nodded impatiently, ‘We’re gonna be late!’

You sighed. You really shouldn’t, but one look at his hopeful expression made the decision for you. ‘Alright!’

With many complaints and a few close calls, you climbed down from your window. They definitely made this look easier in the movies! You jumped the last few feet and Eddie grabbed your hand. He’d parked his van a block over and held the door as he helped you in.

‘Where are we going?’ you asked, but he only laughed.

‘You’ll like it! Trust me!’

So, you did.

Eddie drove quickly down the deserted streets, constantly checking his watch. He was expert at maintaining an air of mystery. For once the radio sat silent, limited conversation between the two of you filling the space.

He pulled up on the outskirts of town, stopping at the base of the hill. Weathertop, as it was affectionately nicknamed by the nerds. Eddie hopped out, getting your door. Once you’d jumped down, he rummaged in the back and pulled out a blanket and what looked like three couch cushions. At your obvious confusion, he flashed a smile, shifting the bundle in his arms so he could offer his hand.

‘Come on!’

The climb was steep, almost pitch black away from the houses and streetlights. Your only guide was the vague silhouette in front of you, hiking with a spring in his step and leading with the warmth of his touch. Nervous excitement mingled with curiosity.

What was his game?

‘There!’ Eddie flapped the blanket, spreading it on the summit and arranging the cushions with meticulous care. He nodded his head expectantly.

‘What?’ a bemused smirk preceded a hesitant giggle at his antics.

‘Sit down!’

You sat, tucking your legs and waiting eagerly. Eddie’s eyes were fixed on his watch, his fingers crossed behind his back as you stared at him.

‘Three… Two… Look up! Now!’

Your head jerked upward; adrenaline triggered by his frantic tone.

But nothing happened.

Puzzlement seeped in. It was a pretty night, beautiful even. Away from civilisation, the stars were a little brighter than normal, the moon full and ghostly full but that was all.

‘Come on… Come on!’ Eddie bounced on his heels, praying silently and trying not to lose hope. Just this once! Let me have this one!

You sighed, gaze falling back to him, ‘Edward Munson, if you’ve brought me out here for nothing-!’

‘No, look! Look now!’

He pointed.

You followed.

And all the breath left your lungs.

Out of the darkness, out of the midnight sky came streaks of bursting light. First one, then another, and another. Then a thousand!

Slicing through the firmament like papercuts, drawing bright white blood then fading to nothing.

You shot to your feet, craning your neck as far as you could and laughing in pure, open-mouthed delight!

They kept on coming! Daubing the night with silver and pearl for almost five minutes before the flow stemmed as suddenly as it had begun. Starlight faded leaving you in darkness, breathless with awe.

You looked back at Eddie. A crescent smile stretched over his face, ‘Did you like it?’

‘Like it?’

You laughed, giddy and weak at the knees. You stumbled closer and threw your arms around him, ‘Eddie, that was wonderful! Wonderful!’

He laughed with you, hugging you as the sound reverberated through his chest. Then as if a switch had been flipped, he pulled back, suddenly apprehensive. ‘There uh… There might be some more,’ he said, rubbing the back of his neck, ‘… If you wanna wait, I know it’s late!’

You beamed, ‘I want to stay out here all night!’

He smiled.

Side by side, in the comfort of the cushions and each other’s company, you watched the night sky as its contents danced and glittered. Between showers of falling stars, you laughed and talked with ease, cutting each other off with a yelp of excitement when more appeared.

Somewhere around two am, you glanced back at Eddie. It took everything in you not to gasp.

The bright stars sparkled in the reflection of his eyes. Twinkling and shining an endless brown nebula with some with some ethereal power. There was a whole universe inside of him and you got to catch a glimpse!

You stopped watching the sky after that.

*

As the night turned chilly, Eddie’s jacket found itself draped around your shoulders. The conversation turned deeper and more meaningful than anything you’d experienced in months.

Over the course of the night, you’d moved closer. Mere inches existed between you now but it wasn’t until, on the verge of sleep and against your better judgement, you laid your head on his shoulder that his arm settled around you.

Gently. Loosely so you could pull away whenever you chose.

The veil of tiredness thinned as you observed that it was always like that with Eddie. Always making sure you were perfectly comfortable before he made a move.

Not like Adam, the admission tasted bitter. Adam whose hands wandered every chance they got. Who kissed you when he liked then shunned you with no explanation. Who brushed you off with ease. Who cared more about keeping up appearances than resolving actual problems between you.

The familiar churn in your stomach resurfaced. You pulled away from Eddie feeling suddenly guilty. He was your boyfriend! You shouldn’t be making comparisons like that…

Shouldn’t you?

‘Why are you doing this?’ the question was unprompted, but you needed to know, ‘All these nice things, why are you still doing it?’

Eddie gave a crooked smile, trying to hide how much he missed the closeness. ‘I think I’ve made it pretty clear it’s because I’m in love with you!’ You didn’t look away, so he had to. Your searching eyes and the late hour threatening to pry the truth from his lips. ‘And because…’

‘Because what?’

Eddie fought a battle in his heart. He shouldn’t interfere, he had no right! It wasn’t his place. If he did, he could lose even the fleeting moments he was allowed with you. He couldn’t risk ruining what was left by opening his big mouth.

But you wanted to know… and he couldn’t deny you anything.

‘Can I say something?’ he managed, struggling to find the words. He laughed a little, ‘And you can totally slap me and tell me to get lost if you want!’

You breathed a smile. He never missed a chance to put you at ease. You nodded.

He paused, breathing deep. He had to get this right. When the words came, they were plain and simple.

‘I don’t think he’s good for you!’

Silence. Eddie thought his heart might beat right out of his chest.

‘Oh?’ your voice came out thin. You didn’t sound surprised. Maybe you shouldn’t have said the next words. Maybe you should have turned around and gone straight home. Or maybe, more than anything, you needed to hear his answer. ‘Why not?’

Eddie let out a breath, wetting his lips nervously. ‘You don’t smile when you’re with him… Not really! And he doesn’t notice when you’re faking it.’ Once he’d begun it was hard to stop. Until now, he hadn’t realised just how much he’d pent up. ‘He doesn’t do the things a boyfriend should! He doesn’t listen to you. He doesn’t even think about you unless you’re standing right in front of him! Unless he thinks he might lose you…’

He stopped himself. You hadn’t moved, your eyes staring through him as you listened. The words stung but you knew in your heart they were true. Tears began to blur your vision.

‘I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to-,’ he reached for you hand then dropped it with a sigh, ‘This isn’t a ‘dump him and date me instead’, I swear, I just…’

It was maddening. He wanted to hold you. The sight of your pretty eyes glistening with unshed tears was too much to bear. He wanted so badly to draw you close and comfort you properly but he knew he couldn’t.

‘I just think you deserve someone who knows you deserve the world!’

There it was. Out in the open.

Your breath hitched slightly. No one had ever said anything like that before. It was like you were seeing him for the first time. Away from the insults and expectations at high school, away from the cruelty and the caricatures. All this time, he’d been right here in front of you. Out here in the twinkling starlight everything was clearer. Why hadn’t you noticed before? You wanted to say something though where to start, you didn’t know. Before you could open your mouth, Eddie spoke.

‘Come on,’ he dropped his gaze nodding to the sky. ‘I think that’s the last of them.’

Eddie got to his feet and collected the cushions. You rolled up the blanket, a sense of reluctance tugging on your heartstrings. Neither of you spoke as you wandered down the hill. Eddie helped you into the passenger side and started the van. The ride home was silent. The sky above beginning to lighten.

He drew up to your house, hopping out to open your door one last time. He held your hand as you stepped down. You didn’t want him to let go.

As you looked up at him, a thousand thoughts revolved in your mind. A million questions you needed answered, a million more things you needed him to know, but a whispered, ‘Thank you!’ was all that came out.

Eddie looked at the ground, a small smile twitching at the corner of his mouth, ‘Thank you!’ he echoed.

You shrugged off his jacket, handing it back as the early morning air bit at your bare arms. He took it and for a moment you stood together. Neither of you wanted to go first.

‘I’ll see you Monday?’ he asked tentatively, looking at you through his eyelashes.

You nodded, a shy smile gracing your lips,

‘See you Monday!’

The walk to your front door was lonely and cold but hope’s bright spark flickered in your heart. You weren’t afraid anymore. You knew what you wanted and you had the strength to go after it.

You didn’t look back. You didn’t see Eddie watch you all the way up the path then slowly raise the jacket to his cheek. The fabric brushed against his skin. You didn’t see him sigh and smile as he breathed in your scent.

*

Your heart was pounding; palms sweating. You made your way through the crowded hallways, silently hoping your resolve wouldn’t crumble.

You caught sight of him crowded around his locker with his friends. With a deep breath, you started toward him. You couldn’t change your mind now.

‘Adam, I think we should talk!’

Your boyfriend rolled his eyes, reluctantly pulling his attention from the conversation he was immersed in, ‘What now?’

You bit the inside of your cheek, praying for the strength to stand your ground. ‘I mean in private.’

‘Oh, come on babe! It can’t be that important!’

Just like that. Like you were a nuisance. A mild inconvenience he was forced to live with. Well, who were you to burden him?

‘Fine!’ you retorted, tact and empathy worn thin, ‘I’m not happy! This isn’t working; I want to break up!’

The group fell silent. Shock and horror covered every face but you couldn’t care less. Adam’s expression morphed from amusement to surprise, then outrage. ‘What?’

You folded your arms, forcing yourself not to quail under his gaze. ‘You heard me! I’m breaking up with you!’

In one swift movement, he seized your arm, pulling you away from the others into an alcove. ‘What the hell are you playing at?’

‘I’m not happy!’ you repeated, shaking yourself free from his grasp, ‘You don’t care about me! You won’t even talk to me unless it’s about sports or parties! You ignore me and then get mad when I make friends with someone else! You don’t want me, you just like the idea of having someone on your arm! Well, I don’t want that! I’m done!’

Adam was seething. ‘This is because of him, isn’t it? That freak, Munson!’

‘No, you aren’t listening!’

‘I’ll kill him, I swear!’

‘You won’t go anywhere near him!’ a surge of anger flooded your voice when he threatened Eddie, ‘He has nothing to do with this! All he did was make me see what was standing right in front of me!’

Fury tensed his every muscle. Fists clenched, all but frothing at the mouth. Suddenly, he looked nothing like the person you’d been in a relationship with.

‘You were nothing before me!’ his voice was low and shaking with barely restrained anger, ‘A pretty face and nothing more! If we break up, that’s exactly what you’ll go back to!’

Once upon a time, that thought would have terrified you. Perhaps then you’d have reconsidered, grovelled for his forgiveness and been content to live in misery. Not anymore.

With that threat, he confirmed every doubt you’d ever had about him.

‘I’m done Adam.’

He swallowed, a muscle twitching in his jaw. He could hardly comprehend your words. ‘Have fun being a nobody again!’ he spat, knocking your shoulder as he stalked away.

Relief hit you in the chest, forcing tears while your knees shook. There would be consequences for this, of that you had no doubt.

But for the first time in months, you could breathe easy.

*

With no one to sit with at lunch, you ate in the music room. You really weren’t up to facing the flying rumours and disapproving stares so your fingers teased a familiar tune from the old piano between bites. A tear or two slid down your cheeks every now and then, landing on the keys as you sniffed and tried to wipe them away.

You knew you’d done the right thing but somehow it still hurt. Who knew what they were saying about you in the cafeteria. You’d slapped a great big target on your back and probably Eddie’s as well!’

‘Oh, sorry! I didn’t think anyone else would be in here!’

Speak of the devil.

You stopped playing abruptly turning to find Eddie Munson standing in the doorway. He caught sight of your red-rimmed eyes and stepped closer, pulling over a chair.

‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ he asked in that gentle, caring tone only ever reserved for you.

You sniffed, giving him a rueful smile and gesturing vaguely, ‘We broke up!’

Eddie’s face fell. He cursed under his breath, ‘I’m sorry! I shouldn’t’ve… I didn’t mean you had to-!’

‘It’s not your fault!’ you shook you head and sighed. Closing the piano lid, you leaned an elbow on top, head in your hand. ‘I guess you just made me realise…’ you trailed off.

Silence fell once more and Eddie didn’t disturb it. He wished he could comfort you, banish the storm clouds and shadows but he couldn’t shake the guilt of being their conjurer. He couldn’t ignore how glad he was that you were away from Adam, and the selfish inkling that now he might finally have a chance with you.

As if sensing his torment, you managed a small chuckle, ‘I’ll be okay!’ you nodded to yourself, ‘I’m gonna need some time… a few weeks, a month maybe, I don’t know,’ you shrugged.

Eddie nodded quietly. His eyes fixed on the floor. Yours never left him. ‘But someone told me there’s a new milkshake place at the mall… I still haven’t been!’

Eddie looked up, a hesitant smile tugging at his mouth, ‘Yeah? Me either.’

You nodded and shrugged again nonchalantly, ‘We should probably go check it out… If you still want to…’

‘I’d love to!’ Perhaps he replied too fast. Perhaps he smiled to wide and looked too eager but you didn’t seem to mind.

You opened your mouth to say something but the school bell rang. It’s harsh tone signifying the end of lunch. Stuffing your things back into your bag, you slung it over your shoulder as you both stood. Now, face to face, you appreciated the warmth of those brown eyes more than ever before.

‘I’ll call you?’ you asked, suddenly unsure if you were worthy of such patient kindness as his.

Eddie fought every urge to lean forward and kiss you right then and there.

‘When you’re ready!’ He smiled. Sunshine through the clouds.

‘Maybe everything would be okay?’ you thought. ‘Maybe everything would be wonderful!’

***

Thank you for reading! I really hope you enjoyed it! Please reblog and leave a comment if you did! It gives me such a boost and encourages me to keep writing when people do leave feedback!

Check out my masterlist for more of my stuff

Taglist: @sadbitchfangirl, @neewtmas, @idathereader, @ladymunson

[etherealfishyfeelings]

Synastry Notes: Sun/Moon

Disclaimer: these are just my personal experience with sun moon aspects in synastry. This is also essentially a rant.

Another Disclaimer: the conditions present in the natal chart such as signs, aspects and house placements can radically alter how one person experiences synastry aspects from another. As well as how developed someone is. I have moon conjunct mars and squared to chiron and widely squared to pluto personally. And it's in the 12th house. Please keep that in mind, I really don't like things poking at my moon. Also I am very sorry that this was so long. I did not think that I really had this much to say.

The Conjunction: I have a love/hate relationship with this one. I thoroughly enjoy being the Sun person in Sun/Moon aspects in general. But with the conjunction as the Sun person I really tend to feel strong sense of protective care over the Moon person. I tend to take their emotions very seriously, it may not show up that way though since its in Aquarius but internally I feel a very strong pull to ensure their comfort and support their emotional needs. However, as the Moon person, i don't really tend to like it. All that attention on my Moon in the 12th? Ew. I feel really exposed and I often feel like the Sun person just seems to have no comprehension that they are trodding all over sacred ground. It isn't all bad though, I often feel like the Sun seems very accepting of who I am(no matter how weird or wacky) even if they do kinda feel like a bull in a china shop. I find that they usually do mean well, and they tend to be very good listeners, I feel very heard when talking to them about my feelings and thoughts.

The Opposition: Also a love/hate relationship I love being the Sun person but I genuinely loathe being the Moon person here. As the Sun person it feels very similar to the conjunction, I take the Moon persons feelings very seriously and go through great lengths to give them comfort and keep them entertained. Lots of gift giving?? Now that I think about it. Like LOTS OF GIFTS now that I'm really thinking about it. However there were times where I really felt like I was missing the mark and I didn't really get the Moon persons reactions to things. On the other hand as the Moon person, just no. I felt like the Sun person constantly rained on my parade, and they often required me to explain myself, like a lot(Virgo vs Pisces at its finest). I felt very judged and boxed in. Very uncomfortable for me, and for them from what I could see.

The Square: This one really depends. As the Sun person(in Aquarius) here I really tend to struggle with Scorpio and Taurus moons. They tend to find me fickle and I really, I mean really struggle to understand their emotional needs and even the ones I do sort of understand are so foreign to me that I am left baffled anyway(like I get it, but I don't get it. Like I get why doing XYZ is nice for you but I would never do that for 6 hours day, especially if I was ???sad???) and any attempts I make to have fun or do anything really are usually seen as threats to their person security. This aspect is REALLY loud for me. Especially because I have Saturn in Taurus. It's almost like I am uncomfortable with how uncomfortable I seem to make the Moon person just by being me. And if you live with them it's basically arguments galore. And getting a lot of the silent treatment. When I'm the Moon person it's sort of better, mostly because it's between mutable signs. Gemini and Sagittarius are light enough in their demeanor that I can ignore most of the friction but this also means that their Sun Squares my Mars and its very evident here, esp with the Sag suns. Like waaay more evident here than in the opposition for some reason. Like there is a general sense of interest in just meandering through the world together, like it's quite explorative in the physical world and in thought but most of the Sagittarius Suns that I've interacted with said they thought I was a bit of a bully(and I quote, "Do you even care about anything? Why do you always have to be so rude? And loud?") and too aggressive for their liking(I did ask why every time, I never really got a clear explanation so I cannot confirm the exact reason. My interaction with Sag Suns generally tend to be goofy and nice if it's kept short but long term its just goofy and confusing). And the Gemini Suns were great, had a lot of fun with them but ultimately it just fizzled out after many of the big clashes between us became evident. Overall as the Moon person the aspect wasn't too loud. But I prefer these two signs as moons signs.

The Trine/Sextile: actually pretty neat? Like both ways, especially with the trine. Takes me a while to notice the serenity of them but when I finally do take notice, I am hooked. Being the Sun is similar to being the Sun in the conjunction, just far less intense and more playful. And this is the only Sun/Moon aspect where I thoroughly enjoy being the Moon person. I love how light and almost airy it is, even when I'm dealing with a Scorpio Sun. Which seems crazy but it really works fine.

[thesherrinfordfacility]

please note that this is a pre-s2 masterpost; new one can be found here.

contrary to popular belief i am actually capable of writing up genuine theories about s2, but they are still wonderfully feral and unhinged in both tone and nature, so voila welcome to ✨rhi's crackpot speculation/meta masterpost✨ featuring some very special guests that are way more insightful and clever than me

note: contains spoilers

d-day edit: lmao let's sort this shitpit out🍲

old post-s2/s3-relevant metas etc but they didn't make it to the final cut of the new masterpost:

BIT NERVOUS about this being linked but fuck it, i didn't like the first two eps INITIALLY but in my defence i learnt the error of my ways and consider it to have been prime's fault

thoughts on s3 in the immediate aftermath

i heard you calling from across the ether for some whump material so i wrote some

also i meta-girlbossed a bit too close to the sun with recontextualising the lion/adam/eve parallels in s1e1 now that we know what we know about aziraphale and crowley pre-fall

someone shared their opinion about the playlists with me then i blacked out and when i came to there was meta

i got big feelings™ about the argument clip in that aziraphale is honestly just a nice man doing his fucking best (not a prediction but just a wee rant)

s2 live commentaries bc im sorry reading these back is GOLD:

episode 1/2 (lumped together bc i went to a screening) (also neil liked this and i feel exposed the poor guy had to read this??? over all the other somewhat intelligent stuff on my blog??? this is what he went for???? man's WILD ✨)

episode 3

episode 4

episode 5

episode 6 (lmao)

and then basically anything else, mostly all pre-s2 so have a read and laugh at me, it's ok honest

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

this one made me tear up a bit because i live on a diet of bagels and aziraphale/crowley biblical whump material LMAO AM I APOLLO????

(as amended) the one where my entire theory on aziraphale and crowley's angst for s2 is predicted based on the length of his ridiculous (see: delicious) sideburns

an earlier musing on the plot of like the first three episodes (fuck it let's be real i'm just blueprinting a fanfic in this post)

by all accounts crowley is not, in fact, james bond

the second coming gets fucked up bc gabriel is a pussy ass bitch

✨✨SDCC/NYC✨✨ people pls read this and talk to me about it bc I'm losing it everyone else just shh and read silently for a minute ill get to you in a sec okay id still love to know what happened at the sdcc screening but i went to my own one in the uk and what i saw has done nothing to dissuade me from this theory im sorry

lol haven't updated this post in a hot minute but this is the SMOOCHY prediction

i told y'all crowley was getting hit by the cozzy livs and now my boy has to work in a pub, liz truss i hope ur happy

if i must suffer then you must suffer also thems the rules

✨✨live feed of my breakdown over the episode titles✨✨

a wee romantic shitpost about ep5 but im adding it in here for posterity bc if this does happen im going to simply decease

this was birthed from the above but with ep2(?) spoiler context

IS GOOB JESUS?????

i have a sinking feeling that crowley may be a double agent and honestly that's not very james bond of him

segue from the above, someone really cleverly came up with the thought after the wanted posters that crowley is involved in hell descending on the bookshop to get gabriel and was rewarded with duke of hell (hence the art of him on a throne) and i latched on like a fucking barnacle

I cry

(also as amended lmao) my rhetoric on how unequipped aziraphale is to handle intense gay panic god bless this mess this lil funky dude

i have now done so many speculation posts about the 40s that it feels like groundhog day but if prime insist on feeding me 40s content then that's their own damn fault (but this one is the most recent and where I'm currently at so read this one first)

(older) a tinfoil hat inspection of anything related to ww2!husbands, magician aziraphale, and the Dinner of '41

(older again) extended-Dinner of '41 analysis in the context of s1e3

once upon a time aziraphale and crowley fucked up the ineffable plan by not getting together in 1941 and god wasn't happy about it and everything went tits up, the end

a simple humble commentary on how the trailer was put together and a warning to not trust a single thing prime tells us

okay it's not s2 related but i had a bit of wine and a small heartbreak over their first meeting in the beginning and now any other method of therapy is redundant

and last but certainly not least (not for the moment anyway, there's a few more feet to descend before we truly scrape the bottom of the unholy barrel that is my psyche) we encounter the deranged, manic, unbalanced and frankly disturbed commentary i birthed in response to The Spoiler

enjoy, my boos ✨

[yuurivoice]

Hi yv! I just wanted to send a message saying how much I love your content and I have for years. It's been amazing to see your channel grow and I'm one of your biggest fans!! I used to sub to the patreon but life goes hard and I haven't been able to for a while. The latest auron video has been practically on repeat for me and I really just wanted to say I hope you have a wonderful day and happy holidays!!! Give all the kitties a kiss on the forehead for me pls!

Thank you for the kind words! No worries about whether or not you're a Patreon sub, I certainly appreciate the support but always want people to put themselves first so don't sweat that and I hope you kick life's ass! Also, sending me a kind message is a pretty great way to support in its own right, so I'm genuinely appreciative!

The cats will most definitely be smooched, and I'll pass along a note that it's from a kind Anon!

It's been a wild few years, huh? Making the leap from the Tumblr days to the YouTube era was a big one, but the past 4 years were where I really started to find my footing and I think there's been a lot of growth creatively and personally.

Things have been moving in the right direction despite some personal road bumps and detours. Looking back, there's a lot of things I wish I could have accomplished and kept afloat while working through everything. Still dealing with the guilt of BitterSweet and Shattered not being a thing this year, particularly for all the ride or die Alphonse and Seth fans who have been starving for content while I've been hesitant to push out content for them because the big series wasn't coming.

Thankfully, most people have been supportive, kind, and understanding. That being said, I'm not ignorant to the nature of my content (growing roster of characters = someone's fave isn't getting posted for a while) and I'm doubly thankful to those who have been chill as other characters get established and have their time in the sun.

I'm really hopeful that in the coming year, balance and scheduling and planning are all finely tuned and help me avoid content traffic jams like we've run into such as the recent Charlie Era (lol) which wasn't exactly the plan, but with October AU series + Plushie + Lost & Found all aligning it sorta just worked out that way. Also, it bears mentioning that it's not every day that a side character who was not guaranteed to catch on as A Thing (TM) actually finds an audience and has significant demand. Sometimes you gotta roll with how things play out, and that's just the nature of creating content on social media.

I'm optimistic that things will be at least a LITTLE bit more balanced thanks to ADHD treatment and seeing huge improvements with my mental health. Which can't be understated, because holy shit, the amount of things I'm just able to do without feeling like I'm holding myself at gunpoint or making a million deals with myself to convince myself to do a single task is amazing.

Not only is it easier to get to work, it's easier to do more of the work. That Auron audio you referenced is a great example. I was worried with the script I had and the premise, I wouldn't be able to get much more than 9/10 minutes out of it. The length of my general audios is something I've been conscious of forever, so I was shocked and thrilled when I finished up with the recording and it was 24 minutes of some of my favorite Auron content ever. I'm getting more comfortable improvising, or creating more as I go vs. write, record, post. I'm able to do a little more, add things that I would normally omit or not bother with, and just try harder without feeling like I'm trying harder and purely because I'm enjoying it and I want to.

I am SO sorry that this turned into a rant in response to what was a fairly straightforward question, you caught me while I was feeling introspective.

tldr: Thanks for fuckin' with me. Folks like you make me want to work hard and deliver the goods. The kindness goes a long way, and I don't take that for granted!

[elysianeclipxe]

Sorry, but chan with kids is just ncjbufanob MY HEART

Okay, so I was listening to something a while back and instantly came up with the idea of chan reading to kids and just being the cutest with them. Maybe him being a volunteer at a daycare or something. Y’all remember that episode of inside seventeen about the 2021 online concert they did, right? That doremi concept with the mini doremiz. I have been watching that on repeat

Brainrot #1 - chan is great with kids

Just imagine this, you and your boyfriend chan walk into the daycare centre ready to apply because it’s a quick side job to do after college classes plus the payment isn’t too bad. While you’re signing some documents or your length contract as a volunteer you lean your head to peek at the children in the other room, but you just instantly see HIM. So fucking cute omg. Him just playing along to some kids magic trick and genuinely looking amazed by the beginner magic. I’ll just say it now but all of the kids love him, like his name is called every 5 seconds by another kid wanting him to play with them. You’re both accepted as the new volunteers and told to either observe or learn hands on how to take care of the children for the day since y’all start next week. You decide to just observe and obviously chan is doing it hands on. A couple of the children approach you and sit around you asking you all these questions. You just get so consumed conversing with the little ones that you forget to check how he’s doing with the other kids.

You look over at him and find him already looking at you. HIM LOOKING AT YOU WITH SO MUCH LOVE IN HIS EYES. So you blush and send a wave over to which he grins in response. ANYWAY, he hangs around with the kids even more and even dances with them when they want to. He looks so hyped, damn cute just vibing with them kids. He honestly is just a bigger version of a child, he’s adorable. They’re hyper, he’s hyper, at that point all the older workers are just chuckling at how well he gets along with the children even if it’s his first time meeting them. When did you get such a cute boyfriend? This job should have contained a warning that if you apply with your significant other and watch them with kids it might just be too sweet for your heart to handle!!!!

I haven’t even gotten to my favourite part which is… READING TIME!!!!!! THIS IS WHAT I THOUGHT OF SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME RANT ABOUT IT!!! It’s nearing the evening and he decides that it’s time for reading time so when the children’s parents pick them up they’ll be tired and sleep quicker. He gathers all the children by the reading corner and picks out a classic storybook and reads it to the kids. He makes sure to add emotion into his voice and emphasise on the scary/sad parts. The type to make sound effects, like if he were reading The Three Little Pigs then he’d probably go, “so he Huffed, and Puffed, and BLEW THE HOUSE DOWN” whilst making a loud blowing sound that has the children whining on how the big bad wolf blew another house down. He made sure to interact with the little ones as he read the story, it’s like a cute interactive experience for them. The children are pretty sleepy after chan finishes his story, right on time for the parents to pick up their children. You both walk home and he totally goes on about how fun today was and how he can’t wait till next week… He’s especially excited to see how you deal with the kids, since maybe it’ll come in handy for you both in the future hehe

can y'all guess who my bias is? it's dino, duh. also yes, i am a carat and yes, i do write for kpop groups as well.. but only the ones i stan since i'm familiar with them. i hope this turned out well but tbh this is more for me to openly simp over HIM. also i feel like i should write something like this for the other doremi members... it's only fair, right <33

© elysianeclipxe. all rights reserved. do not copy, repost, translate, or modify my content onto other platforms.

[rred-gaze]

Sorry if this is kind of a bother but frankly I'm genuinely quite curious what your thoughts are on Yesod, or like, personal hcs and such! ( Mostly curious since some of your other posts with Verg were very silly! And frankly it's just nice to hear ppl rant abt their fav characters n such )

oh!!! dw i like asks, esp about characters i like :] i made a LONGGG list of hcs for him when he was my #1 blorbo that i added to over the years, i’ll put that and some general thoughts under the cut

headcanons:

-transmasc he/they. super gay also

-can say fuck. chooses not to.

-he’d probably tug at his clothes when he’s nervous (gloves, turtleneck, tie)

-malkuth is his friend! (and taller than him i decide the heights now)

-ROLAND IS HIS FRIEND

-he seems to like moons (moon the the bottom of the department in lob corp, in his ruina symbol, you can see a moon from his platform)

-(based on the moon thing) likes astronomy :)

EDIT: i have learned that in actual kabbalah yesod is known to be the sephirah of lunar consciousness so i think that connection to his character is really cool

-takes good care of his hair it would be silky and sofd <3

-if he ever had long hair he’d put it in a ponytail (turned out to be true: see beta designs in the artbook)

-lob corp yesod would have to wear long gloves if he was ever forced to wear short sleeved shirts

-gets cold easier than others (i know he was a Cube so he wasn’t actually wearing them but a turtleneck under a suit?? if he doesn’t get cold easily he’d be melting :( if it were sleeveless it’d be a bit better but still)

-the sephirot robot forms only have one eye. yesods was on the left. his bangs in ruina are on the right. most of his hair minus the bangs look pretty much the same length so this implies he grew his bangs out on purpose. what if he couldn’t get used to having two again. also he has no depth perception

-got that high intelligence low wisdom. can recite 60 digits of pi but doesn’t know what a handshake is

-what if he has fangs. like a v. like a vip. like a vi

-he likes shiny things...like an crow....give him a coin......

-wakes up at the asscrack of dawn

-you seen his floor? that man likes vaporwave. and also lights in general, i think

-likes tea (also turned out to be true? he’s drinkin some in that one credits cg)

-probably has a small plant in his office, likes gardening a little

-leaves you on read

-clicks his pen when he’s focused, doesn’t notice until someone tells him to stop

-doesn’t really like soda but thinks sprite is okay

-he smells like lavender i think

-doesn’t like when people make a big deal out of his birthday but he appreciates gifts and the like nonetheless

-gets bad caffeine jitters

-he’s a flirty drunk and gets extremely embarrassed about that when he sobers up

-uncomfortable in large groups, he gets overwhelmed if he’s around a lot of people for too long

-hovers around the people he’s closest to if he’s forced to be around a lot of people

-focuses the best if he’s by himself

-malkuth and yesod are siblings because i like them. this also makes elijah and gabriel’s deaths more sad

-yesod can do hair, he learned how to braid because elijah liked having their hair braided when they were younger

-i rotate them being twins and yesod being a natural brunette in my head sometimes

-if he were a snake he’d be a mangrove pit viper or lavender albino king snake i think

-he likes looking out the big tech sciences window to relax

-has a lot of scars across his body from scratching, i personally think he should’ve had his hand scars in ruina

-good with computers but complete shit at video games. he’d know the Lore to games he likes but absolutely cannot play them.

-likes the sound of computer fans and keyboards

-he’s totally autistic

self indulgent

-he seems like he’d get really flustered if you showed him any sort of affection, ESPECIALLY in public. hug him and he short circuits and dies

-if you ever managed to befriend him he seems kinda calming to be around when he’s not pissy. kinda guy you’d sit out in the balcony with in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep in a comfortable silence. might show you constellations if you wanted

-covers his face when he blushes

-would get super red when he’s embarrassed, tries to avoid people and hides away in his office

-touch starved but can’t ask for affection to save his life

-i think he’d show affection with little things yk. puts a blanket on you when you pass out on your desk. he’d probably try to cover it up with professionalism though. like “i noticed you haven’t eaten, think about how that’ll affect your work performance” instead of “eat something i’m worried about you”

-might also just sit near or lean on you

-if he likes you enough he’d be softer and more forgiving

-i personally tend to assign my character fixations flowers for some reason,,,he gets hyssops :) hydrangeas and lavender also make me think about he

jumbled thoughts:

part of the reason i like him so much is because i tend to have a thing for cold/stoic characters who are soft on the inside. yesod is only cold and sharp-tongued because he needs to be in order to succeed in lob corps environment. he doesn’t want to get attached to people. he cares so much that he couldn’t allow himself to feel anything at all, esp in an environment where he’s trying so fucking hard to reduce deaths by setting rules and keeping order but people die every day regardless. not only that, but his job was to destroy information that could potentially save those same people. he gets MAD if you let his employees die because he cares about them.

i also used to try and spread my rolsod agenda all the time, i think their relationship is fun

oh yeah and he’s totally OCD-coded. one thing i’ve always liked about projmoon media is how great their representation of mental illness is. both because it feels very accurate and real and a lot of horror media will just drop in a mentally ill person and go “ooo scary mentally ill person being scary bc they’re mentally ill oooo” but the horror aspect in lob corp is focused more on the horrible things that caused him to act that way. he became obsessed with rules and safety because elijah broke the rules and tested the cogito on herself, leading to her slow and painful death.

just a couple things i find cute about him:

-i know the viper nickname is supposed to be threatening but i think snakes are cute and so is he

-robot form <3

-that hair tuft

-HIS SMILE!!!!!

-his voice is hot okay byey

i don’t talk about yesod as much anymore because i can only have so many men at the forefront of my mind but make no mistake i still adore him

[sushisocks]

so this is like two asks ig? but what is ur most unique sean headcanon, and what is ur sean headcanon that you will defend with your life (i really love ur headcanons lol)

OOOHHHHH ANON!!!!!! we're in it now lmfaoo THANK YOU first of all I'm honestly so glad people enjoy my headcanons/rants about these characters!! RDR2 is my first time really foray-ing into fandom space like this (previously having kept my writing & thoughts to closed circles of friends lol), and the reception here has overall been a lot more than I ever expected!! Especially since I've really picked my faves &lt;;- said while sideeyeing the 28 works in the macsummers tag on AO3.

ANYWAY these are some insanely good questions, anon, and I've been thinking about them ALL DAY, so I'll do my very best to answer you here in a way which does these questions justice.

It's hard for me to know which one of my Sean HCs is the most unique, as I have a LOT of HCs, and I've been posting a LOT of them over the course of the past few months. I've been told (as a compliment!!) that my overall take on him & the connections I make regarding him is unique, which I obviously am very flattered by! But I also don't think it's too hard to be unique when you're thinking & talking about a character who generally isn't given the same amount of genuine consideration and meta as other characters from the same franchise. Like, I could be talking at length about Arthur, or Charles, or John (and I HAVE!!! Not on tumblr, but still, I love those characters too!!) but my takes would probably not generate the same kind of attention by virtue of those characters being talked about a lot by a lot of other people too!! My posts about Sean stick out because there's not a whole lot of other people writing posts about Sean in the meta/HC style I do!

(Sidenote, while I don't fault the RDR2 fandom for not giving Sean his dues - he is a side character who dies very early on, and who is easy to stereotype, after all - I AM very glad and grateful that the stuff I've said & shared seems to have impacted some people's understandings of him, at least in the circles I run in. As of late I've been seeing a lot more thoughtful takes on him, reflecting how he has the capability of being just as nuanced as several of the other characters in the game. Maybe that's because I'm right in the middle of it though; most RDR2 circles I'm in KNOW me as the Sean stan, and engage with my takes on him, after all!!)

So like, is my most unique Sean headcanon among the ones that reflect canon & actually took off, impacting some people's view of him - like how he DOES mirror a younger Arthur, and how he fulfills a role in the gang, and how his death is necessary to set the tone for the rest of the game? Or is my most unique headcanon him being a gnc bi poly king in the messiest possible queerplatonic triad with Karen and Lenny? Is it that I think he prefers licorice to chocolate? That I think his favorite color is burgundy(not that he'd call it that)? I don't know! I both have so many HCs that picking one is extremely hard for my Libra-ass-self, and I don't have many others writing similar stuff to compare myself with, at all! I'd love to hear from others, though, if anyone else who's been reading my Sean posts have any takes regarding what of my stuff has stuck with them!!!

OKAY sorry for the rant mkjhbjj It's probably not what you were looking for asking me that but it's something that's on my mind, given that I think a fair amount of the uptick in my following over the past few months, if not from AO3, is very much from my RDR2 meta posts - which are in majority about Sean.

ANYYYWAYYY as for a Sean HC I will defend with my life - DEFINITELY the Sean learning disabilities ones - he is INCREDIBLY ADHD & dyslexia coded to me, it MASSIVELY influences how I write him in my fics, and I don't think anyone will ever argue me away from that one. Also, Sean siding with Arthur & John in the end, IS a hill I will die on - to the point that I've written several posts about/referring to it mjnhbnjbh Honestly though, I am a petty bitch who will die on most hills available to me, and I'm not afraid of confrontation, so I am a little bit of a menace when it comes to my Sean HCs and defending them lolol I'm overall very pleased they've gone over well with the rest of the Sean stan community here on tumblr though!! Yall are the best fr <3<3<3

[hannahlovesluca]

So i heard about u doing nijisanji matchups so why not :DD

Nijisanji male matchup pretty plz w cherry on top

Gender:Gender is nothing but a social conCepttTttt(jk cis female but there were times ppl mistook me as a guy once LMAO)

Pronouns:I don't have any in particular,i don't mind any of them as long as its not they/them

Sexuality:....i..don't know actually.Like.Women.But Men.But women.i'll just say bisexual..

Zodiac:Aquarius

Appearance:Shoulder length black hair,i'm kiiinda tall?Im taller than most of my friends.Black fox-like(i think thats what they call them??) Eyes,and i wear literally anything.Like imagine someone in a black turtleneck and some random ass floral button up shirt with the most obnoxious pants ever(for clarification this isnt my attempt at getting in r/builtdifferentfromothergirls i just get cold easily).Oh and im as blind as a bat without my glasses,i only put them on when i wanna put myself in the attractiveness scale for shits and giggles sometimes i wear random jackets i find in my room like that one hot pink jacket i covered in the bee movie stickers for some reason

Mbti:Entp

Idk my ennagram sorry :((

Personality:im pretty laid-back but based on sources(aka my mutuals) i am the embodiment of a living cockroach because of me almost dying like 5 times(vibe checked by god 5 times and he did NOT approve of me...like mf be frfr) i procastinate until like a day before the deadline cause i only work with pressure cause my brains just built like that(rushing calculus my beloved) I LOVE MATHS SO MUCH U CANT IMAGINE(and the cries of my discord besties cause the moment they go back on vc they see the discord whiteboard filled with god knows what) and im preeeeetty confident in myself unless someone genuinely compliments me,if that happens im just gonna disintegrate into dust

Likes:that one meme where the green guy from avengers goes "why is galora",yugioh,jumping into my friends random vc comedically 4 shits and giggles,resident evil,taking care of everyone(and not taking care of myself cause im a self aware hypocrite),DEBATES I LOVE THEM SM THEY GIVE ME SO MUCH ADRENALINE

Dislikes:when someone gets into my persona space toooooo much.oh and the fact that u can divide 91 by 7.literally unreal.and thunder??dunno it sets uncomfy in me i probably offended zeus in my past life or smth

Love language:

I dont know what that is....i mean like,id send whoever i get random memes i found at 3 am,shower thoughts??and hugs??and cuddles??and giving them reassuring words??does that count?

Extra:im bilingual(swedish,russian,korean,german) so i can make ppl say what seems like romantic words when its a deez nuts joke this is a flex btw.i pace around tasks pretty fast,sometimes im too lazy to get up sometimes i go around doing literally everything at once

Im sorry if this is confusing to u this is my first time doing this :((

i pair you with…

Ver Vermillion!

hear me out…

• you guys will absolutely nerd out over yugioh and will probably end up playfully arguing and malding over the other (i dont know much ab yugioh im sorry 💔💔)

• if you let him nerd out to you and rant to you about the most random things he will immediately fall in love

•likewise if you nerd out/rant to him he will fall in love bc the fact that you confide in him???

• similar to shu yaminerd, he is a huge nerd but hes better at hiding it

• call him a dork. he says he hates it but he loves it.

• YOU GUYS WILL HAVE MEME BATTLES.

• youll sit in discord vc, no sound except the little giggles erupting out while you read each others memes and random messages that you just keep on sending

• will randomly whip out the “why is galora” meme to make you laugh out loud in vc with others, on stream, etc even in public

• god, he loves your hair

• your cuddles up in his arms, half-asleep, and hes running his hands thru your hair AHHH

• will also send you hot-takes out of nowhere so you guys can debate on it solely because he knows how much you love it

• “banana pizza is good.”

• “soggy socks feel nice.”

• will also throw you random compliments because he knows its the only thing that will get you

• “are you a hot mom because damn mama you hot.”

• will assist you in sending deez nuts jokes to your friends in korean

• “내 불알을 빨아.”

RUNNERS UP: Shu Yamino, Doppio Dropscythe

[hetaero]

This isn't trying to be a horny or a hater comment I am just genuinely curious. I have never heard of a hair cutting kink before, and I was wondering where you feel the dynamic sits in that. Is it related to the act of service and having some say in their appearance or is it something more specific to hair cutting? Is it limited to just cutting the hair or does it involve other things like washing or dying it? Are there specific hair types or styles you prefer? Is it limited to just head hair or does it extend to something like trimming beards or shaving body hair?

Hopefully that isn't too many questions again no hate I am just genuinely curious

Don't worry, curiosity is perfectly normal and healthy, I don't take it as an insult lol I kept it vague because it's genuinely kind of a complicated kink. I think it's mostly a fear/trust thing, that someone relents control to me and allows themselves to be vulnerable enough to do something like that. Maybe I'm biased but I find it to be an inherently intimate activity— you're letting someone touch you and stand over you and alter your appearance and move you around while you're pretty much helpless and restrained to a chair, lol. I'm surprised there aren't more kinksters that caught on to that. Some people are much more possessive and rough with this kink and see it as an ownership/branding/forcefulness thing, but I'm much more of a caring type of domme and this definitely goes hand in hand with my mommy headspace and helping someone through any fears and discomforts surrounding the experience if that makes sense (although most people aren't very scared or nervous throughout haircuts but sometimes it's repressed)

for me it's just the actual cutting process, not drying or washing, but I know some people who like that. And just head hair. I shave people's faces sometimes but that's a platonic care thing, doesn't get me off. as for hairstyles, it's usually whatever suits the person and looks good. I tend to like classier hairstyles on men (that make them look like cute little Boy Scouts) instead of the newer trendier ones (that look like they're about to throw gang signs).

ironically I've always liked guys with longer hair (like, up to shoulder length) but my kink makes me want to cut it off 😭 it's a paradox. If it looks nice long, I'll just trim it, but my preference is definitely cutting hair with clippers. The vibrations and loud sounds add to the kink. Over time the preferred length I like to cut it to has gotten shorter and shorter, but I still draw the line at like, buzz cuts. My dad is bald so that association would ruin it for me, lol. But yes, if it looks good and it's cute and short I'll like it, especially if I get to run my hands over the freshly shaved parts of it or if the length of it embarrasses my partner a bit. That's a big part of it. Idk maybe my kink is just to be a fussy mom who knows 💀

anyway sorry for this GIANT rant I hope I answered everything, there's more intricacies to my fetish you can feel free to inquire about but yeah

[interlagosed]

I know you're on cloud 9 about Carlos & Lewis, but I'd just like to have a rant on Lando's behalf if you don't mind.

Despite Ted Kravitz & Crofty claiming he was feeling much better today, he's not. He said clearly in a pre-race interview that he had to take a break during FP2 because he felt awful & he was worried about making it the length of the sprint. Will kept having to remind him on the radio to drink & by the end of the race Will was asking him to press a button to let him know if he was okay because Lando had gone completely quiet. He was out there feeling dreadful yet doing everything he could to try & hang on for some points for McLaren & all the Sky commentary team could do was shit on him, saying he had a bad start (he didn't, he held P4), saying he had no pace every time one of the much faster cars he had managed to qualify ahead of inevitably passed him (they were doing the same to K-Mag too but K-Mag was apparently making a 'valiant effort' while Lando was 'all over the place' because he got squirmy in one corner trying to defend against Carlos).

I usually just ignore their shit takes when it comes to Lando as they're par for the course this season but it's really fucking got to me this weekend. The kid's been carrying his entire team on his shoulders all year, has driven 3 races already while sick (his choice I know, they're not pressuring him, but he also knows they need him to bring them the points because they can't trust Daniel to do so), has dragged that car to places it shouldn't even be on many weekends given what a can it is, is the only non-top 3 team driver to get a podium and score over 100 points, and they talk about him like he's some kind of incompetent midfielder because he qualifies so well that he inevitably goes backwards when the RBs, Ferraris & Mercs he outqualified shoot past him because of their massive speed differential. He's spent the entire season being shat on by fans of not only his teammate but other fans who seem to have some kind of irrational loathing for him, and his own home commentary team can't even bring themselves to give him a shred of credit either - even when he overtook 6 cars in 13 laps in a damaged car in COTA they barely acknowledged it.

Sorry for the rant, I hate being this kind of fan, but it's really getting to me at this point. I'm genuinely as angry as I was when they were shitting on Carlos & making jokes about him loving gravel & trying to place some blame on him when both Russel punted him off. I swear to god if they start shitting on Lando tomorrow, on his flipping birthday, I will throw something at my TV.

i saw that post about sky and the way i rolled my eyes made my head hurt. i really don't know what more they want from lando given that he's CONSISTENTLY in the mix with teams that are way better than mclaren has been this season! like!!!!! he's SO fucking good and i know i don't talk about it on here but my husband and i talk about how impressive lando has been all season a lot. that thing you mentioned about his engineer asking him to press a button...that genuinely makes me so nervous. and people are still out here saying he was hungover. honestly, fuck off?

you're always welcome to rant in my inbox. this is disgraceful, genuinely. i really don't know what people want out of him, because he's giving them more than they deserve.

[brandwhorestarscream]

Hello good afternoon!

A genuine question: if you're comfortable sharing, could you tell us why you don't like atla (also sorry about that anon bothering you)?

I just remember finding the powers interesting + an armless villain that I thought was cool

I don't mind. It's because it's often pushed and sworn by as one of the best shows ever and I get really fed up with people that get mad when not everyone likes it. And lemme tell you, I TRIED. I tried so hard to get into it. A couple years ago in quarantine I decided to try and watch it, and guess what?

It sucked.

I sat through the first 10 episodes of possibly the most boring, uneventful, unremarkable screenplay I've ever seen. The entire cast is a bunch of obnoxious, snotty kids. The only likable characters were Zuko and Iroh, and they were not on screen near enough to make the whole thing palatable. I wasted 3 and a half hours drudging through the first half of season one and it was unbearable. I quit after those first 10 episodes and was annoyed I'd lost so much time, but whatever

My hatred stems from the ridiculous reactions I got from some friends when I said I didn't enjoy myself. Like big long 10 minute rant on how stupid I was for not seeing the artistic genius. And when that didn't get me to cave, they pivoted to, "well ok yeah the first season is really slow but the rest is really good"

NO. Fuck you. If the first huge chunk of your show, equal to two full length movies, damn near puts me to sleep, I'm not going to watch the rest. It doesn't matter if the rest is good: if you can't hook me in 10 episodes then it's not worth my time. I'm annoyed with atla for being slow and unlikable in the beginning and it's toxic af fans claiming it's the best media ever and getting pissed when not everyone agrees with them

I just don't wanna see content for it. I have all the tags filtered and don't interact with it at all. That's why I get a bit cranky when people don't tag their reblogs. It just makes a huge mess for everybody and I don't have the patience 😑

[tinyidle]

I just had a thought. Ateez and fem s/o who genuinely loves being extra feminine. I know a lot of girl like being "tomboy" or breaking the girls only like dresses thing. But how about the girlies who just like traditionally girly things, like me?

Because, I do love glitter, sparkles and dresses and all the cute things. I love being the most extra. God, I'm laughing as I write this because I think embracing femininity is also something to be appreciated. I'm kind of ranting, sorry.

I just thought this was a cute ask.

im glad you said this because i personally like to be pretty and dress up nice for whatever and whomever i want. it's nice wanting a more "masculine" style, but traditional or even cute feminity should never be shunned.

-smut ahead-

now that my rant is done, i think all of ateez would love feminine partners. seonghwa especially. he has feminine characteristics himself, of course he'd love to carry you around and feed you (like in dates) and pay for your things and even not you lift a finger.

in bed he'd make you a pillow princess, letting you get all dressed up in whatever you like and, even if it's a simple top and shorts, make you feel beautiful in it while you do nothing but take it. most of all he would just LOVE to have you sitting on his lap, even when you're stroking him to full hardness. if you're riding him best believe he's doing all the work and thrusting up into you.

yunho to me is a close second, being the literal definition of "ill take care of you". girls who like cute things turn him on immensely and make his smaller self twitch. you needing to be lifted to get things, you letting him drive you everywhere even though you can do it yourself, and even holding his hand for everything.

in bed? he's literally guiding your small and gushy center onto his not so small length, kissing away any tears that come out. your small cries and whimpers are so cute to him he might bust right then and there 😭

san for some reason seems like a guy who'd prefer a more cutesy girl then a more badass girl, although he can rock with either. he loves cuddling you like a teddy bear and protecting you from literally EVERYTHING. same with the bedroom as he buries himself in you. you ask for him to hold you close and he does, peppering loving kisses to your entire face.

yeosang seems like another person who'd want a more feminine girl. dressing her pretty and giving her tons of makeup and a pretty dress and bracelets and lots of pink and purple 🤧 just to ruin it all at night

speaking of pretty things, hongjoong would adore painting your nails and toenails, loving massages (which will take a turn iykwim) and always using you for his little runway projects. and him using his lovely lips and teeth to trace love bites onto the more feminine parts of your body 😩

jongho loves taking control of things when someone doesnt know what to do, so he'll do that for you. you need to get money to get hair done? consider him paying for a whole makeover. have sore legs from running all week? he'll let you piggyback him. want some sweet snacks? he always has lollipops in the fruity flavor you love at hand.

he would also love to have you on top of him and taking his girthy figure while your cute cotton pink bra top he bought for you the other day's still on.

the least to like more feminine girls would be mingi and wooyoung but only in bed, as in real life they'd spoil you 🤧

wooyoung would never let you do chores around the house and will always cook for you. if you ever made things for yourself (which you seldom did) he'd for sure get at you and put you over his lap and give small taps on your thighs leading to huge smacks on your ass, depending on how many times you made food for yourself.

you would ask mingi to take you shopping so he can pick out clothes for you, and at first you're annoyed because he opts to go to the more alternative clothing parts. but once he realizes you want to go to the more "cuter" parts of the store, he ahhs and picks out the most sweetest tops, skirts and leggings. maybe he'd offer more foreplay to make you feel feminine as well 😭

[golbrocklovely]

people who ship larry and really anyone who tries to force a certain sexuality on people irk me like no other. and it’s sooooo embarrassing

i’ve seen grown ass women like 60+ who have children and grandchildren trying to convince people that “larry is real” 🫠 do whatever makes you happy but seriously? you have a family and much bigger responsibilities so why are you focusing on two people who have said either that larry wasn’t real or that they weren’t gay. i hate even saying the word larry. if you have to consistently look for “proofs” in between the lines of the things they do than maybe it’s time to let it go.

i have never once thought they were romantically involved. the boys in my highschool class were FAR worse than harry and louis. like you would genuinely believe they were in love or something because that’s what teen boys do, they think stuff like that is funny.

anyways sorry for the long rant i just cannot with people who try to force sexuality on people. if either of them were actually gay and wanted the world to know, they would. it’s 2023 and queer is not a dirty word anymore.

disclaimer: i've noticed that every single time i talk about harry styles on here, i somehow get either asks shitting on him or asks being rude to me bc of some opinion i have of him. i'm letting you know this now - i do not care. idc if you don't like him bc "he queerbaits and his music isn't even that good and he didn't deserve his grammys and blah blah blah" IDC. sorry. i don't want your think pieces. i don't care what you have to say about him, especially if it's negative. if you don't like him, totally fine. but i do, so just move it along then. don't read this ask. why frustrate yourself over someone you don't like.

now about your ask lol

imma be honest with you, i don't really know everything about larry, mostly bc i was never into one direction (jonas brothers fans where you at?) but i did at one point or another watch some videos on them, out of curiosity. and let me tell you, the lengths some of these ppl go to is very interesting to me. bc at some point, you just gotta face facts: they aren't together. and that's okay.

especially when you try to question their sexuality and shit. that's when it gets gross to me, too. you aren't owed an answer to someone's sexuality, and questioning will not make the person more comfortable to come out, if that's something they are considering.

i don't mind the occasional conspiracy theory or kiki about fandom drama - god knows i would be a hypocrite if i said otherwise. but there comes a point where you gotta be honest with yourself and what actual reality is vs what you want it to be. those are very much TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.

like i've seen some ppl go as far as to claim that louis' baby isn't really his and that harry is contractually obligated to appear straight and shit like that and i'm just like…. none of this exhausts you? bc this is such a reach, and borderline insane.

is it possible that maybe, at one point in time, louis and harry could have been a thing? sure. i'll give you that. they were both young boys thrown into fame and needed someone to lean on, so i can believe that maybe they leaned on each other and things could have gotten more than just platonic. but clearly, that just isn't the case anymore. let it be.

if you still believe, you're allowed to. go ahead and do so. but don't expect everyone to agree with you.

[episodes-ff]

30. Blessing

Peyton

Watching as PJ paced the room, he huffed trying to calm down as we waited for them to bring Shakyra out. This was Kyra’s first real offense so they weren’t looking to throw the book at her, but considering the charge she is facing a bit of time if we don’t win this case. We've been doing our dudiligence to help her get all of this sorted out as well as maintain her reputation with the media, so it's been a stressful couple of weeks. The courts had decided to hold her in jail for the length of the trial, but we pulled some strings and were able to get an early release on the condition that she does not leave the country, so today she gets to come home and PJ could not be any happier.

"Dad, what's taking so long?" "She's being processed out PJ, it takes a good few hours." "That's bull, man. They need to hurry up so I can see my baby." He ranted as me and Erika smiled at each other. "Sounds just like you." "Nah, Baby Bear, that's your son right there." I said pulling her close as we heard the doors buzz and saw Kyra walking out. Spotting her, PJ ran over and scooped her up into his arms as she broke down crying what looked like tears of joy. Setting her down, he kissed her deeply smiling as he had started to cry himself. "I missed you so much, PJ. I was so scared." "I missed you too, baby. Don't be scared, I got you. I always got you." They crooned out. Clearing my throat, they looked up before we walked over and gave Kyra a genuine hug and got her in the car to head home.

Due to what had been going on, we suggested that PJ move him and Shakyra to a new location for safety and privacy, so we had them moved to one our secret family homes in the countryside that we own. Driving up to the property, we headed in and got her settled so we could discuss the case.

Shakyra

Once everything was said and done, PJ's parents and Summer left us alone to get acclimated to our new home. Turning to Peyton, I hugged him close as he squeezed back tightly. "I'm never letting go. Ever." He soothed as I sighed deeply taking in his luscious cologne. "I think Leah did this shit." "What?" He asked setting me down. "I'm not a hundred percent sure, but baby trust me on this. My intuition is saying that Leah did this or had this set up." “Funny thing is, I been thinking the same thing but I ain’t been able to prove it forreal. She been laying low and I haven’t seen any movement from her people or accounts suggesting any shiesty stuff. I definitely believe you though.” He said as I nodded in concern. I know I’m right about this…

Waking up from my sleep, I looked around warily for PJ after seeing the bed was empty. Retrieving a note he left on the pillow, I silently read it before sighing as I realized his whereabouts. ‘Hey, my baby. I headed to the store real quick to get some groceries for the new crib. You looked so peaceful sleeping and I didn’t want to disturb your rest, but I’ll be back shortly. I luh you guhhh, PJ.’ He had written out causing me to blush as I stretched and headed to the bathroom to freshen up.

Walking down to the kitchen, I thought about which cereal I was gonna stuff my face with when I halted in my tracks as I saw an unknown white man shuffling through drawers as if he were looking for some money or valuables. Taking in a quiet shallow breath, I retreated back up the stairs before crying as I carefully looked for my pistol. Grabbing hold of it, I creeped back down making real sure he couldn’t see me before raising the gun up to his head. “Now I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, or who sent you here, but I will tell you one thing. You’ve got a half a second to get some common sense and get the fuck out of my house before my man gets back!!!” “Your man? Hmmm, funny.” “You li- BANG!”

Peyton, Jr.

“Aye, baeeeee! I’m home! I’m sorry I had left without waking you but you looked so peaceful and I ain’t wanna disturb you.” I called out as I set the bags in the foyer so I could close and lock the door. “Kyra? Kyraaaaaaaa? So you ain’t miss ya boy?” I said grabbing the bags and heading to the kitchen. Walking in, I saw a mysterious red puddle before dropping the grocery bags in shock. “No. No, no, no… NO!!!!” I screamed in agony as I saw Shakyra laying in a pool of blood shaking as she held her side. “Kyra, what the fuck happened?!?!?! No no no.” I croaked out as she looked up at me weakly and stammered. “P-“ “Hold on, baby, it’s gonna be ok. I’m getting help now.” I tried to soothe through tears as I propped her head up and tried locating the wound. Immediately getting a hold of 911, I called for an ambulance and police while holding her in my lap. “PJ, I don’t wanna die.” She cried weakly as I shushed her crying and trying to put pressure on her. “Kyra, no, come on baby. You can’t leave me like this. Just breathe slowly ok? I’m getting help, just breathe. Please I need you.” I sobbed as she held my hand tightly and we cried. “Babyyyyyyy, please don’t do this to me, I just found you. Please be ok.” I pleaded for her to hold on as paramedics finally arrived to assist her. Who the fuck would do this sick shit?! Especially to my Angel…

[voidwaren]

Hey can I ask genuinely how you’re so good at writing?

Are there specific exercises or authors or writing styles that you admire. Is there any kind of advice that you can give? How do you keep it from being so stressful and repetitive???? I want writing to be exciting but I feel that I struggle in the minute details and for the details that keep on coming up and up again. 

How do you make description sounds exciting the way that you do, and there’s a lot of personality in ur descriptions I think that’s pretty cool

(honestly I feel like I'm not qualified to give advice on writing. doesn't make sense since you're literally asking me about MY writing, but like. y'feel?)

read more because she’s got some length to her:

so, first of all, wow. like, wow, that’s one hell of a compliment and then some more. you’re asking me for writing advice?

this’ll be messy as hell because I don’t even know where to start, but here goes nothing.

I can’t think of how to make it less stressful, because sweet Rachel above writing is one of the most stressful things I choose to continue doing, but also the most exciting, especially when I get an idea in my head. executing it is the big bitch, and that will always be stressful for me, so I can’t help there, I’m sorry!

but otherwise, I guess my first this would be to take it slow, because the struggle and frustration probably won’t go away, but eventually you’ll get there. I get INCREDIBLY frustrated because scenes often don’t come out like they look in my head (which is one of the reasons I’m such a slow writer, I lose words in the deadass middle of a sentence ALL the time because of my ADHD and have to come back and hope for the best), and often come back, realize what feels too flat to me about the scene, and fix it the best I can. sometimes I will rewrite a sentence over and over again until it finally looks a way I can accept.

I don’t do exercises and was never taught to, but they’re probably a really good idea! (I swear, my minor in creative writing was a fucking joke because I didn’t learn shit about how to actually write so much as learn that a lot of people don’t take any writing seriously if it’s not realistic fiction, non-fiction, or poetry. but that’s a rant for another day.) I have been writing since I was in elementary school, though, so I guess all the fic I’ve written over the years is kind of like an exercise? (or is that just practice. idk.)

(yeah no that’s just practice isn’t it. anywho. practice will probably help.)

I’ve only once tried to emulate an author’s writing style (for my fic Fishboy), but subconsciously I have no doubt I’ve been slipping in my favorite authors’ writing styles. I would LOVE to one day write like Madeline Miller or M.L. Rio, because they’re the ones who have made me feel so many things. (you too, Stiefvater. you wonderful monster.) that’s probably a good thing to do, though. read your fave authors and try to directly emulate their styles until you can change it into something of your own, I know a lot of writers do exactly that. (I know I must do it too, with my fave fic writers in addition to published authors, I’m just very bad at noticing when I’m doing things like that. I just kinda do it.)

I know I use a lot of synonyms for things that I have to mention more than once, and will reread constantly to try not to use a word or a specific sentence structure over within the same scene or chapter. repetitive writing is one of the things I pick up a lot when reading books that bothers me and bores the hell out of me, so I try not to do it. (though I do fail to see it in my own stuff from time to time, ESPECIALLY when I’m first posting something bc you know a bitch didn’t read through it properly at the very end.)

another thing that might help is to maybe read it out to yourself as you go? I’m not totally sure how to put this into words, but, like. there’s a flow you’re going for when you write, and sometimes it’s easier to find that flow when you read it aloud (or very loudly in your head, which I do, because I don’t live alone and my house carries sound like a motherfucker). punctuation also can help with how a scene is read.

I think maybe the best thing to do overall is to find what you like and copy it. not like word for word, but where the words fit in the sentence, punctuation, word choices, things like that.

if there’s a specific scene or something that you’re thinking of, I could probably try to break down how I went about it, to help explain what I do if you’d like that more in-depth kind of vibe? 

again though, thank you so much for the ask, the ego boost I have right now is UNPARALLELED and will fuel me for quite a while.

(deadass gonna go tell my friend, “someone likes my writing so much they wanted to know how I did it, how cool is that?!” I will be insufferable.)