#I'm kind of glad this is over now...and that I don't currently have any particular need to write about other series in this way

[esamastation]

Part fifty-one of Shizuroth, aka, the SOLDIER General's Self Saving Shizun.

Ao3 link.

Previous parts: forty, forty-one, forty-two, forty-three, forty-four, forty-five, forty-six, forty-seven forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty

-

"Angeal Hewley speaking."

"Well, you sound chipper tonight. Is Wutai not treating you right?"

"Oh. Hello, Genesis. How are things in Midgar?"

"Things are… they are such as they are. The work of a hero never ends. And so forth."

"That good, huh?"

"Mmm. Now do tell me why you sound like someone gone trampling all over your honour."

"Heh, nothing so bad, I promise. Just, you know. Sephiroth."

"More of his glowing Alignment practice?"

"..."

"Oh, so it's something new now? Do tell! All of us in Midgar are dying to know how things are developing. How is the Healer of Worlds doing?"

"... I guess the Turks have already reported it. Well. For one, he's learned how to fly."

"... Come again?"

"Sephiroth learned to fly. Or, I guess, it's more like weightlessness? He can make himself feather-light and just jump on tree tops and glide around."

"... Angeal, my dear friend, this isn't time for jokes."

"Oh, I'm not joking, Genesis, I'm really not. He can fly now. It's really something. He didn't so much explain as he insinuated, but I think it's some kind of gravity or mass manipulation that he can now do. Because of his Alignment practice. Apparently it's bearing fruit."

"... Wonderful. Infinite in mystery is the gift of the Goddess. We seek it thus, and take to the sky. Some of us literally."

"Suppose that's one interpretation of it."

"Tch. And I suppose by now the Good Professor has been informed, and we will be hearing of these developments from him directly."

"Probably, yeah."

"Tch. Well, I suppose it would be nice to know how to fly. How many of us will end up with our wings clipped before such heights are achieved, forever…"

"Genesis…"

"They still don't admit that there have been deaths. Janson was supposedly killed in action, but he wasn't even on a mission at the time. The others have been cadets, but it's only a matter of time."

"I'm sorry. I wish I was there."

"No you don't. Be glad you aren't - though, as G type SOLDIERs, you and I aren't compatible with these new methods anyway. Such fortune we have, such graces we have been granted."

"We all signed up for this. We all volunteered, in order to enter the program."

"Yes, and not a single one of us knew what that meant. Well, except perhaps for Sephiroth. Not that he ever truly signed up. You know, I have been looking into his history, I've dug out his medical records, trying to figure out what they are after -"

"Genesis, that's a breach of trust -"

"The lives of my men matter to me more than Sephiroth's secrets and pride. Not that the files were any help - the story they paint is more a horror story than anything. Whatever Hojo is trying to recreate, if it takes as many experiments as Sephiroth has gone through…"

"I thought they already nailed down the cause. The overdose, right?"

"That's the prevalent theory, yes. But after the first few cases of Mako Poisoning and death, they rather gave up on recreating that particular experiment at least."

"They gave up? But, aren't they still calling SOLDIERs in for extra doses?"

"They are, but there's not as much Mako in it. They're injecting something else, now - more of the carrier agent, supposedly - though Goddess alone knows how many had to be resuscitated for them to get the point."

"... What's the current total of casualties?"

"Four deaths including Janson and seven in coma, two of them SOLDIER. Oh, and one confirmed brain death, which is just lovely."

"A SOLDIER?"

"No… a cadet. What they're keeping him alive for I don't know, but… there we have it."

"... Shit."

"Angeal Hewley, is that cursing I hear?! What a day to be alive."

"Very funny. How do you know about what's going on in the labs? I thought they'd pretty much banned you from them?"

"They did, but I have my ways."

"... Right. Do your ways explain why Lazard isn't doing anything about this?"

"Not much he can do. Hojo will do what he wants, and he'd promised Heidegger a new, higher class of SOLDIER after this, so you can imagine his reaction. And of course the President is all for it!"

"Ah, I… see."

"Indeed. You know what they're saying in the labs now? They're saying that SOLDIERs were created to be the second coming of the Ancients. That we were supposed to be able to, among other things, cast spells without the need of Materia."

"I… heard something like that too, a long time ago, but I didn't put much stock in it. It sounded a bit too fantastical for me."

"Well, supposedly, that's exactly what they wanted. They gave up on it, because, well, it didn't work, and because the side effects were even more useful. Superhuman soldiers! Much better than Ancient myths, when you have a war to be fought. Only now the war is almost over, and Sephiroth has apparently figured out how to fly."

"Ah."

"I can only imagine the consequences this will have."

"Yes, um. There's something else."

"Something else? Angeal, please don't tell me you're been holding out for me."

"Well, not really, but, um. Did you know Sephiroth can speak and read the Wutai language?"

"... I didn't, but I'm not surprised. Among SOLDIERs he's spent the most time over there."

"Well, I didn't know. The Turks didn't know. I don't think it's in his file either."

"Another thing he's been keeping to himself and can no longer remember why?"

"Maybe, but, Genesis, there's… another thing. There was a group of Wutai warriors that we intercepted, and Sephiroth had a one-in-one duel with their captain - and then he spoke with him. In their language. Now, I can't understand written Wutai at all, but I can sort of follow the conversations…"

"I am duly impressed, my friend. Though more with the idea of Sephiroth having a conversation with a Wutai soldier - after having a duel with them. What, did he raise their spirit somehow?"

"Very funny, but no, he didn't kill the man. That's not the point - Genesis, the Wutai Captain called Sephiroth's accent ancient."

"... Angeal, you're kidding me."

"Not like Ancient ancient. I'm pretty sure the moniker they use for Ancients is different. Ancestor, maybe? Something like that. Anyway, Deng Yuto called Sephiroth's accent ancient, meaning really old."

"... Huh. So to recap, Sephiroth gets a massive dose of Mako, flatlines, comes back, forgets almost everything about himself, develops some new habits, has a bunch of strange questions about the way Materia, Mako, EXP and MP work… and now he's developing new magical abilities, and speaking a language like someone from a long time ago."

"That's about the size of it."

"Damn."

"... Yeah."

"... Hey, Angeal?"

"Yes, Genesis?"

"I think I have a theory of what's going on."

"I thought you might."

-

Lmao I have no idea where this is going 👀🍿

[tessenpai]

Kono Oto Tomare! Chapter 131 Scans and Rough TL

Disclaimer: Please DO NOT use this translation to make your own TL of the chapter!! The KOT TL group works very hard to give you the most accurate translation, that does as much justice to the original script as possible. This is a ROUGH translation. That means is faulty and there must be mistakes in certain places. This is just for impatient people like myself to get a grasp on what is going on in the chapter! You can REFERENCE my TL if you want to discuss the chapter but never USE it as it was your own.

Scans: https://klz9.com/jxsh-kono-oto-tomare-raw-chapter-131.html

Page 1

Side text: Ichiei's performance, begins with silence

Chapter Title: #131 My Story

Page 2

*No Text*

Page 3

*No text*

Page 4

*No text*

Page 5

*No text*

Page 6

Hiro & Takezou [thoughts]: ----...Ah

Satowa[thoughts]: This...

Page 7

Collective thought: Damn

Page 8

Kifune-sensei: Miran-chan!

Miran: !

Miran: Kifune-sensei!

Kifune-sensei: Welcome to Ichiei. Is your luggage in the dorm already?

Miran: Yes

Kifune-sensei: Then let me show you around the school.

Miran: Thank you very much.

Kifune: The entry exams were difficult, weren't they? You did a great job.

[Memory starts]

Miran: Eh? Ichiei High School?

Kifune-sensei: Yeah. If you'd like, why don't you give it a chance? To the Japanese Music Department, I mean.

Miran: Ichiei, he said... Even I know about it... It's a music school.

Miran's mom: Ahh, but...

Page 9

Miran's mom: In the Japanese Music Department, all the children play koto, isn't that right? And they are all extremely good at it, aren't they..?

Kifune-sensei: Not only the koto. How to put it-

Kifune-sensei: The most proficient children from all over the country converge there.

Miran's mom: And you believe that Miran...

Kifune-sensei: --And so.

Kifune-sensei: I believe that Miran's abilities are now on par to that level.

Page 10

Kifune-sensei: Miran-chan has avoided playing in ensembles and listening to kids her own age play until now, hasn't she?

Kifune-sensei: Of course, it's not like that is a bad thing.

Kifune-sensei: --However.

Kifune-sensei: Here's a path that I believe will expand your world, is what I'm trying to say.

Kifune-sensei: And I'd like to guide you through it while I'm at it.

Miran [thoughts]: The path that Sensei has thought so hard about, for my sake...

Miran [thoughts]: It's scary, but...

Miran [thoughts]: If it's the current me, then----...!!

Miran: I... Mom...!

Miran's mom: !

Page 11

Miran's mom: ...

Miran's mom: ---Yes. You can go if you want, Miran.

Kifune-sensei: Fu. I'm glad.

Kifune-sensei: Ah, but the fact that you are my particular student makes it that I can't give you any special treatment. From now on you will have to study very hard!

Miran: Yes!

[Memory ends]

Kifune-sensei: From here on, there are the practice rooms.

Kifune-sensei: If you ask for permission, you can use them whenever you want.

Page 12

Miran [thoughts]: Amazing... I get to play koto in such a wonderful place.

Miran [thoughts]: This is the place where I belonged all along.

Page 13

Miran[thoughts]: Eh...?

Kifune-sensei: Oh my, this sound...

Miran [thoughts]: Wo- woaah.

Miran [thoughts]: Incredible. What a beautiful sound...

Miran [thoughts]: The clarity and sound are by far the best I've ever heard.

Miran [thoughts]: Is it a teacher? A Senpai? Could I get to produce this kind of sound myself?

Kifune-sensei: Aah, as I thought.

Page 14

*No text*

Page 15

*No text*

Page 16

Luka: Kifune-sensei!

Kifune-sensei: Luka-kun, you've gotten to use the practice room right away, I see. And well? How do you like it?

Luka: I love it!

Miran [thoughts]: Wha-

Miran[thoughts]: What is this guy...? An angel...? No, maybe a prince...?

Kifune-sensei: Ah, Miran-chan. This is Luka Chevalier-kun.

Kifune-sensei: He is a scholarship student from France.

Kifune-sensei: Like you, he is also a new student and a first year in the Japanese Music Department.

Page 17

Miran [thoughts]: Scholarship... First-year...?

Luka: Nice to meet you! I'm Luka Chevalier. Umm... And you are---

Miran: Eh- ah... I'm... Sa- Saotome Miran.

Luka: Miran! That's such a beautiful name.

Miki [memory]: Miran!

Miran: ...Your- your Japanese is really good...

Miran [thoughts]: What am I even saying..?

Luka: Really!? Thank you!

Luka: The sound of Japanese is so beautiful, that after listening to it every day I was able to speak it.

Page 18

Miran: ...

Miran: ...That's amazing...

Miran [thoughts]: ...this is

Miran [thoughts]: Someone the same age as me...?

Imari: Hanahata Imari. I placed 2nd in the Koto National Contest in the Middle School category.

Tougo: Takamura Tougo. I won that same contest and came in 2nd the next year.

Kio: Houshou Kio. I am the seventh generation of the Akane Association Yamada Style Koto School. *

*If Satowa comes from the Hozuki Clan, Kio comes from the Akane Association. These families own Koto Schools.

Luka: I'm Luka Chevalier! When I was 10 I went on a trip to Japan. I met with the Koto for the first time, and fell in love with it!

Miran [thoughts]: When he was 10... same as me...

Luka: I am very happy I get to learn the koto in Japan!

Page 19

Imari: Didn't you win the Grand Prize at the International Music Competition last year?

Luka: You know about that? I'm so happy! Thank you!

Miran [thoughts]: International... Music Competition...

Miran [thoughts]: Grand Prize...

Luka: Is Miran's turn next.

Miran: Eh? Ah-

Miran: I- I'm Saotome Miran.

Miran: ...

Miran: ...

Miran [thoughts]: --Ah... What do I do?

Miran [thoughts]: I've done nothing.

Page 20

Kio: Could it be that Kifune-sensei's apprentice that I've been hearing about... Is it you?

Miran: Eh- ah- Yes.

Kio: Haha So you got in through connections.

Miran[thoughts]: ---Eh...? Wha...

Kifune-sensei: Before there are any misunderstandings, let me make something clear.

Kifune-sensei: Miran-kun is indeed my apprentice but she went through the entrance exams and passed them accordingly.

Kifune-sensei: And just because she is my apprentice doesn't mean she will be receiving any special treatment.

Page 21

Kio: I know that. I was just joking, I'm sorry.

Miran [sfx]: Ba-dump...

Luka: Kifune-sensei rarely takes apprentices. That's incredible, Miran!

Luka: I'm very much looking forward to hearing your sound!!

Miran: Kuh...

Miran [thoughts]: ---...What is this

Miran[thoughts]: What

Page 22

Miran [thoughts]: This place is not different from where I was before---

Kifune-sensei: Miran-kun!

Kifune-sensei: Are you alright?

Miran[sfx]: ba-dump ba-dump

Miran[thoughts]: I- I'm fine, sorry.

Miran: That's right. I'm ok.

Miran[thoughts]: I'm ok.

Miran[thoughts]: Sensei recognized my ability. The school recognized it. I'm ok.

Miran[thoughts]: I didn't get in through connections. I'll prove it to them.

Page 23

Miran[thoughts]: Woah, everyone is so good.

Miran[thoughts]: That should be obvious. Only people of the highest level play here.

Miran[thoughts]: Ensembles are difficult. I feel like I'm always one step behind.

Miran[thoughts]: I have to practice more. More. More.

Kifune-sensei: The solo part will be played by Luka-kun.

Luka: Yes!

Miran[thoughts]: Once again, I got the easiest part...

Miran[thoughts]: It's as if

Page 24

Miran[thoughts]: It's as if this is what it would be like if big sis had encountered the koto instead of me

Miran[thoughts]: Stop. Don't think that.

Miran[thoughts]: It's ok. I just have to prove it. I just have to practice more than anyone else and become the best.

Miran[thoughts]: I definitely won't lose. For sure. Without a doubt.

Miran[thoughts]: He is the solo once again. Damn it. Next time, then.

Miran[thoughts]: I lost again. Next time. Next time. Next time.

Miran[thoughts]: I did it! Finally, I won the solo part.

Miran[thoughts]: He's got a cool face, and he doesn't even look like he's frustrated at all.

Miran[thoughts]: Is like he doesn't notice me at all.

Miran[thoughts]: And still, he plays brightly during the performance.

Miran[thoughts]: He wants to overtake the leading role. Don't make fun of me.

Luka: I can't believe it!! The real one!! My Goddess!! Satowa!!

Page 25

Miran[thoughts]: And then the person he admires showed up.

Miran[thoughts]: And that person who has the Prince's admiration seems to be someone who is preciously protected.

Miran: Again

Miran[thoughts]: A woman who seems to be blessed with everything

Miran[thoughts]: Why?

Miran[thoughts]: Why do you get to have everything?

Page 26

Miran[thoughts]: Why did it have to be the koto?

Miran[thoughts]: There are so many other paths.

Miran[thoughts]: And yet

Kifune-sensei[memory]: The solo part won't be played by Miran-kun, but by Luka-kun.

Miran[thoughts]: For me, there's only the koto.

Miran: That's right... For me, there's nothing but the koto...

Page 27

Miran[thoughts]: I have to get it back.

Kio: Is Miran-san still shutted-in?

Tougo: It has been a week already.

Kio: Isn't this really bad? If things continue like this, she won't be able to participat-

Luka: !!

Kio(?): Miran-san!

Luka: Phew... Miran...!

Page 28

Luka: I'm so glad you came back! Everyone was worried about you---

Imari: Hey, hold on.

Imari: That's the tuning for the solo part. You are playing the 3rd koto part...

Miran: I will play the solo.

Imari: ---What...?

Miran: I've come up with a new way to play it. Even Kifune-sensei will approve when he--

Imari: Are you messing with me? Just for how long are you not going to look around you?

Imari: They take the solo away from you one time, and you start cursing and throwing insults at Luka.

Miran: Shut up!! It's not only "one time"---

Imari: I haven't gotten to play a solo. Not even once!!

Page 29

Imari: And it's not only me, it's the same for Tougo and Kio!

Imari: You didn't even realize that, did you? You are always thinking "If I compare myself to Luka", so you aren't even interested in the rest of us, huh!?

Imari: The three of us have been playing the koto from as far as we can remember. Playing every single day, participating in tournaments and earning achievements.

Imari: And yet, you and Luka, who started playing later, get to play the solo parts?

Imari: Do you think we don't care about that!? Just what did you take us for!!??

Page 30

Imari: It's so freaking frustrating, isn't that obvious!!

Imari: On top of that, you just treat us like we are just some background characters and don't care about us at all! And still!

Page 31

Imari: And still, an ensemble is not only one person!

Imari: You and Luka are good. It frustrates me, but I get it. We are trying to do our best with the parts given to us!!

Imari: Luka was assigned the solo part in your place. Did you think I was just going to be happy for him like a moron?

Imari: As if!!

Imari: Everyone has their own thoughts and feelings about all of this!

Imari: You are not the only one suffering and in distress!!

Imari: Did that not even occur to you!?

Page 32

Imari[sfx]: Pant pant

Imari: Ugh...

Miran: Ah...

Luka: Imari.

Kio: Imari-san...

Miran: Um... I...

Imari: ...What you are missing

Imari: Is not skill, is not talent, and is not practice!

Page 33

Imari: It's imagination!

Side text: The weight of those important words.... resounds within Miran.

---Kono Oto Tomare! will continue in the next issue---

[allwormdiet]

Buzz 7.7

Nazi capes fuck off, again

Okay, cool, the Protectorate needs to have one or more Triumvirate members mobilizing for Brockton Bay fucking immediately.

I'm certain that Alexandria or one of the others will be here any second now to deal with this televised brutality that's currently going uncontested in a Protectorate city

(The BB Protectorate doesn't get shown doing a whole lot during this particular incident, and frankly I don't think that means they're doing nothing. We see one front of the Empire's offensive and we know there are others who can cause just as much damage if left alone, plus the only Protectorate members who are maybe equipped to deal with Purity are Armsmaster and Dauntless, but given her flight and sheer destructive capability I'm not sure. I'm not so dismissive as to say they're letting this all slide, whatever they're doing is likely off-screen so to speak.

But the higher-ups should have sent in someone who could actually knock Purity's head concave, and frankly I trust them even less for not doing it with this or with Bakuda's threats.)

We get more of this later, but I think this is the first real sign of where Brian and Taylor's sensibilities diverge. Taylor's given up on being a superhero, but she still wants to be a good person, and that means that when fucking Nazis are running around burning down the city she wants to stop them, not least because they're being blamed for this rampage. Brian's priorities are different: his number one priority is his people, family or team or otherwise, and everyone else is a very distant second. As long as the Empire doesn't manage to come down on anyone he cares about, he's willing to let the city take whatever they dish out in the meantime.

This difference of opinion is going to come to a head in pretty short order, but we already see the friction before that.

Who the fuck decides whether the Triumvirate gets put on a job or not? If Alexandria or one of the others is hearing about this, can anyone actually stop them from holding back if they want to come out and put an end to this? If somebody can hold them back, that someone is at best wildly incompetent. If nobody can hold them back, I automatically hold those three in deep fucking contempt. Take a day trip and beat the shit out of some fucking Nazis, how is that such a burden?

Also, "genetically pure or not." What a fucking winner we have here, no wonder there are Purity stans who want to redeem her with the power of love or whatever.

So, this is an execution on live television. Of a cameraman, who was just the unlucky son of a bitch to get chosen for this demonstration. Are there genuinely people out there who believe the idea that the Empire is "civilized" compared to the other gangs? Some kind of lesser evil? Who reads this and goes "well actually I think that Kaiser and his followers are misunderstood and quite noble" go fuck yourself

Taylor gets fucking mean when she's not keeping a lid on it, huh?

Yeah of course the only thing she gives a shit about is her stupid baby. God I hope they figure out how to take custody from her or something, nobody deserves to be raised by a maniac like that.

Thank you Coil, that's very helpful of you Coil, this does nothing to tarnish your carefully constructed image of being in total control of the situation Coil.

Yeah, so. Proof that Purity is too strong for the local Protectorate to handle.

Also glad to see that Brian can be convinced of the right course of action once someone leans on him enough. There's only so much collateral damage he can stomach, it turns out. Hopefully that means he gets his head out of his ass about Dinah.

I don't think Taylor knows Brian well enough to have a real insight into his moral stances. A month into most of my friendships over my life I couldn't tell you how they'd respond to the trolley problem or whatever, except for the one girl who considered the trolley problem to be a stupid joke of a philosophical exercise and didn't really shy away from that.

I think she just kind of assumed that the two of them being alike in other ways, and seeing him in a particularly positive and flattering light, meant that he'd be on her side with whatever moral quandaries might come up as parahumans.

I'd say it's best she get over the shock now but she's not done being shocked by her peers this arc.

Sighs

These fuckers

Taylor having strong opinions on particular power sets is pretty funny.

Current Thoughts

Taylor you really gotta stop putting the people you like up on pedestals, it's just gonna lead to hurt and disappointment

Fucking hate Purity and the rest of her merry little band of Nazi fuckwits. I hope the Endbringer kills them to a one.

This upcoming fight is interesting tbh. I don't think it's the coolest or anything, but it's a display of how someone with a hard counter to your superpower doesn't mean an automatic loss, it just means a really fucking hard-fought win.

[seaofreverie]

Sparkstember Day 8: No. 1 In Heaven (Beat The Clock)

Best album ever made?? I'm honestly very glad that this year has been a pretty big No. 1 In Heaven celebration, because even though I love this album to bits I used to have a bad habit of forgetting about it... And each time I come back to it I'm blown away some more. Despite its short length, this album is packed with amazingness and such personality and energy!! Or maybe its actually thanks to its length that there's no room left for any "filler" (not that Sparks have much of a problem with that otherwise, I'd say that's another of their big strengths: nothing feels extra on unnecessary) and so what we're left with is all top-tier and unique material. Once freaking again, Sparks have made something that's one of a kind and absolutely cannot be compared to anything else.

Of course it's a huge turning point in Sparks' career and a highly influential work too - can't forget to mention that. This whole time period also has a very strong image and identity that I really love: all those amazing music videos! And I think most of us will agree that this was THE #1 iconic Ron look. Can't forget the 21×21 show of it either: every song gains even more life and almost magical properties in this form, and that applies to later performances of them as well (Dee Vee Dee Tryouts performance, like, hello??? Also, Number One Song being home to one of the most iconic Sparks things - Ron shuffle!!!). Can't lie that I also really like this outfit on Russell... All in all, might even be my number 1 choice for if I had a time machine and could go back and experience one live show but in person this time.

And now, of course, while I still remember, The Season Association Of The Day: this album is very summery to me, but it's like a clear summer night with all constellations in the sky being visible. Most spacey and otherworldly of Sparks albums - it's really too good for this earth!!

Favourite songs (and other highlights):

As I've said, hard to cut it down to just a couple favourite songs and moments when everything here is so brilliant, so take this as more of an either very early or current (as in, this week or month at most) standouts, because seriously, everything here deserves a mention!! And my favs keep changing about every week.

Tryouts For The Human Race: such an important early fav of mine, I kept being blown away by all the different sections of it, and replaying it over and over all summer last year, an incredibly powerful album opener that's sure to leave a huge impact right away

La Dolce Vita: the instrumental bridge is soooo perfect, and when the vocals come back in, I don't know if there's some sort of key change or what but that right there is one of the most satisfying moments in all of music. Also, it wasn't until pretty recently that I've noticed how much I dig the bassline on this track in particular

Beat The Clock: the instrumental bridge is soooo perfect, once again, and this is funny because this was actually the song I liked the least at the very start... And now it might just be my favourite here really, this week at least I mean, the lyrics are also a real highlight, and the music video is so iconic and cool, my fav of the bunch

[drdemonprince]

are there any medium articles or other essays you've written that you have a different perspective on now? Whether a small bullet point or the entire objective of a piece. It's interesting following your journey while catching up on the archive

Ohhhh yeah. In a big way. My thinking on nearly all matters continues to evolve, so much so that I always cringe a bit at some phrasings in my books by the time they are out.

In my work on Medium you can see a strong inconsistency in how I think about several topics -- I've gone through periods of disparaging my family, to extending them grace, to thinking I have a moral responsibility to fight with them, to regretting my rage at them, to calling my parents abusive, and on and on. On this topic, it's not so much that my feelings have changed, so much as each point of view represents one facet of the same gem I'm spinning in my mind's eye.

My thoughts on sexual assault and justice have evolved a ton. Around the time of the Weinstein and Ansari accusations, I wrote a lot about rape and coercion. Then a dear friend experienced an assault and was not believed by a huge friend group that we shared and I took on an even more hardline, believe-all-victims-and-take-action-swiftly-to-protect-them stance. I was more traumatized and dysphoric back then too.

My hardline stance eventually came into conflict with my abolitionism, and my growing respect for the importance of personal discernment that emerged more and more over the course of the pandemic. I just saw too many people who were afraid to exercise their own discernment on a wide array of topics and who amplified vague callouts of all kinds without skepticism (god, remember the Wayfair conspiracy?), and I saw how such formless accusations harmed the marginalized in particular. And all the gormless attacks on "narcissists" as the cause of abuse really chilled me. all that strongly tempered my dogmatism.

But I have also witnessed the "anti cancel culture" squad fail to live up to any value system whatsoever and I have fought with them a lot quite openly over their frequently racist, transphobic, theory-free views. All I know today is that navigating these waters is very, very hard, and that I am only in control of living by my values and being outspoken about them and that attempts to manipulate a moral response out of other people don't work and that information is only as good as my knowledge about who and where it came from. I think my evolution on all this closely tracks with the shifts in the zeitgeist -- it's rare for me to be that on pace with the average person I meet.

My perspective on how a meaningful difference in the world is made has changed. In 2016 I was calling politicians for an hour every day on livestream to protest this or that conservative bill. Now i'm an anarchist with minimal regard for electoral politics or any formal institutions. I did vote for Brandon Johnson though.

But by far the piece that least reflects my current understanding of things is one from 2020 called "Against Community." But that one was never meant to be a prescription for how people should live their lives. It was just a description of where I was at emotionally, having watched multiple friend groups disintegrate over abuse, triangulation, and bad boundaries. I'm glad I don't have to feel that way now. It was the growth after that experience that led to my revelation that communities are just relationships you build, and keep building, not static places you find.

On the whole I am less angry now, less dogmatic, less inclined to believe that electoral work matters or that posting is activism, less hellbent on making everybody agree with me, more comfortable with mourning, more radical, more patient, less grandiose and less hung up on what other people think of me. Despite all that i am still a very arrogant angry neurotic stressed out self superior insecure person.

Thanks for this great question. When I hold fake interviews with myself in the shower, it's being asked things like this that I fantasize about.

[raelle-writing]

I’ve seen some wild theories out there about how Phee and Jin are going to end. I personally think that either they are both killers and planned this out and get away with it scott free or they both sadly die.

White and Tee seems much more straightforward. Tee is marked for death (imo), it’s just a matter of how he dies. Will he still be selfish or self -sacrificing?

What are your theories/speculations about how the couples might end up?

I'm so glad you asked me nonnie because I have a lot of thoughts in no cohesive order and wasn't sure where to put them 😂

I don't know if I really have a theory or speculation more that I have a lot of pieces of a puzzle that don't quite make a picture yet. I've seen a lot of theories and speculation around Phee and Jin in particular as well and I'm not entirely sure if I can yet predict what direction the show is going to go in because we still have a lot of unanswered questions about them. So let me start with Tee and White.

I think there are 2 possibilities for Tee and White at this point. Either they both die, or they both live but they break up. And that's because White shows so much horror to any of Tee's even small suggestions of crime, and he defends Tee to Tan and Phee when they talk about thinking that the original crew did something to Non.

If we take White at face value, he seems like a good kid and I think if he found out what Tee did to Non he wouldn't be able to conscience it and would have to break up, even if Tee genuinely loves him (and I believe Tee does).

There is always the possibility that White is more than he appears (you've all probably seen me speculate that White could be Non's brother New) but given what we know about him so far, that's what I can see happening, unless there's some reveal about his character that we haven't seen yet.

So, now for Phee and Jin.

I'll make it no secret that I really want them to end up together, so that is likely coloring my analysis of events. But as of right now I just... don't really have a prediction for how things will end between them. I've seen speculation ranging from Phee is using Jin for revenge and will kill him, to Phee is there to protect Jin from someone else seeking vengeance and truly, I don't have enough information to make a prediction. Here's what I can say about them tho.

I don't think that Jin is hiding some deep, manipulative streak. I was on the fence at first, but then a scene in episode 4 tipped me over the edge. And it's the one where Jin is with his friends, talking about how they'd won the film contest, and while he's there, he defends Non and credits him for their sucess.

If Jin was trying to manipulate Non or use him in any way, then why defend him in this moment when Non is nowhere around, and will never hear about it? To me that's a pretty huge sign that Jin is genuinely kind, because he risks upsetting his friends to defend a person who isn't even there.

There's always the possibility that Jin can betray Non, of course. I've also written a meta about how Jin calls himself a coward when he's talking to Phee, and I still wonder if part of the reason he views himself that way is because of whatever happened to Non before he disappeared. If he feels like he did something cowardly or abandoned Non, or should've stood up for him more, or something along those lines. But I can't see a deep, malicious, manipulative betrayal coming from him.

And that leads to Phee, who we all assume is seeking revenge. Though there's an equally likely plotline that he's there trying to figure out what happened to Non, we don't know yet. There's still so much about Phee that we don't know. Why he's been with the friend group for so long, what's his angle for approaching Jin, if he's a murderer or caught up in the mayhem somehow. But currently I don't think that Phee is trying to trick Jin only to betray him later, for one simple reason.

Because they were fuckbuddies.

That might sound like a stupid reason, but bear with me. If Phee was really trying to hurt Jin as revenge for whatever happened with Non, why would he keep Jin at arms length by saying they're "just friends" over and over?

It would be significantly bigger of a betrayal for Phee to become Jin's boyfriend and then later betray and kill him. If that's what Phee was after, then why would he half-ass it that way? Why push him away?

I feel like there's gotta be something deeper there than simple revenge. Especially when compounded with the fact that we haven't seen Jin do anything nasty to Non.

I think my money is currently (and very tentatively) on Phee genuinely protecting Jin because Jin was good to Non and doesn't deserve the havoc being wreaked on the others, especially since Phee has gone out of his way to save Jin's life already.

As for their ending... I don't know yet. I think that if the writers really want to break our hearts they'll have Phee and Jin genuinely love each other and one will die trying to save the other. But it kind of depends, it's hard to say at this point in the show because we've only had one major character death so far. I don't know how far the writers are going to go in the end, if they intend to kill almost everyone or only the ones who "deserve it."

Thanks for the question nonnie, hopefully you don't mind the novel I left in reply for you! As the story unfolds I'm sure you'll get more character analyses and speculations from me but currently I'm a big fat ❓ over what is going to happen with Phee and Jin. And that's on purpose, of course. So we'll just have to see how it all plays out, I guess!

[tanadrin]

"fairly suicidal" anon again. This kind of got away from me and ended up significantly longer than intended. Apologies for that, and if it's too long/involved/whatever to read that's genuinely totally fine. (Which is to say: please do not think you have some kind of obligation or I will be Extra Suicidal if you don't respond or whatever. I've got at least a couple more years or one more massive life-wrecking trauma left in me.)

I think your response is pretty typical of people who are, at baseline, pretty happy and optimistic, and I'm sure there are people who haven't heard its like before and would benefit from it, but.... let's be honest that's kind of a generic autocomplete response, and in my experience it tends to come from people who can't or don't really model serious depression well. My model of the perspective you are coming from is something like: It would be terrible for the things I'm saying to be true, and they don't feel true to you, so surely they must not be true for anyone-- you don't want the world to be one where those things are true, and sometimes they are untrue, so, therefore, they're probably untrue basically all the time forever. Unfortunately. I'm aware that 40 years is a decent length of time. I'm aware that my perspective is fallible and limited-- this is the primary reason why I haven't seriously tried to kill myself!. However, looking at how the past 30+ years have gone does not fill me with optimism. In particular the past 15 or so years, where I've technically had the most autonomy, I just kind of... barely existed. I am still trying things to get out of the hole but this really could easily just continue until I die. It is an extremely possible outcome that I spend my entire life wishing it was either worth living or over already, and eventually it reaches "over already." I kept expecting that I'd surely snap out of it eventually, year after year, no one can spend that long in this kind of state, right? And then 15 years passed and I simply did not. It is not unrealistic to believe that that could happen 3 more times.

"Every day you are alive in the world, you have the opportunity to find pleasure" rings really hollow when my physiological capacity to experience pleasure and happiness is extremely minimal and has been tangibly shrinking for as long as I've been a conscious human being. It feels tone-deaf. I know what my baseline looks like. It is not good. If I was guaranteed to die tomorrow, then having lived my life will have unequivocally been worse for me than not having lived it at all, and it will have been objectively a mistake that I didn't pull the plug when I was 12 and first having suicidal thoughts.

If, upon turning 80, I figured out how to have a life that was just barely worth living, and then died a year later, that does not actually undo the years of unhappiness before that, and that is still a life that was, on net, not worth living.

My impression is that people coming from your perspective have brains that just fully shut down when considering this prospect-- that you fall into the trap where you believe that even one second of a-life-worth-living is worth any amount of suffering endured to get to that point. It might help to imagine a person who experiences one single year of a life worth living, followed by 80 years of a life full of incredible misery, and then dies.

The me who exists now matters; the hypothetical-unlikely-certainly-not-guaranteed future version of myself who is marginally glad they exist doesn't just automatically get to trump all of that just because that's sad to think about.

Yes, there is no one life "track" but there certainly are circumstances more or less prone to granting happiness-predicting things like enough money to live on, autonomy, fulfillment, etc. Again, there is no rule saying this current status of being perpetually unable to get my feet under me has to end. I have spent the actual majority of my life like this.

Being unable to get a job that pays enough to live on without also making me want to die (more) does in fact hinge pretty strongly on being able to get that special insanely expensive little piece of paper. It is the cost of entry for the vast majority of non-horrible jobs, that is just what the system looks like in the US. (please do not tell me "oh just learn to code!" If I was capable of doing that I would have done it). The material conditions of my life obviously aren't that bad in objective terms given that I'm capable of using my time to send messages on the internet (if they were much worse I would have pulled the plug years ago) so it feels meaningful that I still manage to be so miserable despite that, and plausible that improving them would not help even if it were possible.

There just... there is actually such a thing as a downward spiral where the baseline becomes worse and incremental improvements become progressively harder and more fleeting, as much as it is sad to think about. Sometimes you accumulate damage and get both farther from your goal and worse at making progress towards it, and it just keeps happening. The brain is a physical object that can, sometimes, Just Get Worse. One instance of trauma can make it harder to recover from the next instance of trauma that comes along, and so on. I am still trying, clearly, and I'm clinging to the idea that lots of weird unexpected stuff can happen, but "just hope for a miracle to happen such that these patterns completely reverse against all odds" is... at minimum that's a huge ask. Please recognize it for what it is.

I'm not really looking for answers or anything here (I wasn't before either tbc, I just thought it was interesting how different my opinion apparently was compared with other extremely depressed people), but I tend to really chafe at what feels like clueless forced positivity from people who Really Don't Seem To Get It, and I hope this information will, idk, provide a potentially novel perspective. Or maybe it won't! Sorry again that it was so long.

i've spent a big chunk of my life dealing with depression. i know it pretty well actually. and if i've won any insight from that, it's that in depression we very often exactly misconstrue the causal axis of our thoughts. we think things like, "i am worthless -> therefore i am depressed." but our feelings shape how we think about ourselves and the world; even things which seem like incontrovertible and inarguably facts turn out to be a product of our rumination: "i was depressed -> therefore i felt worthless."

i know this feels like a platitude. i know when you are depressed saying something like "nobody is worthless" or "it's never too late" feels like somebody blowing rainbows up your ass, some hippy dippy shit that doesn't mean anything. but as someone who has frequently felt worthless, and has frequently felt that they have fucked up their life beyond repair, who has seen other people going through it and come out the other side, i'm telling you: as a matter of both personal experience and accumulated knowledge about the world, "nobody is worthless" and "it is never too late" is not a platitude. it is a rational, reasoned judgement i have been won over to, and which i am totally convinced of. i offer it, not as a panacaea (we cannot reason ourselves or be cajoled out of depression; the thoughts are subsequent to the feelings!), but as (hopefully) the very mildest of analgesics.

i'm not a negative utilitarian. i don't think you can take all the bad and good things that happen to a person, assign them a numerical score, and subtract one from the other to determine whether their life was worth it after all. reading about rare medical abnormalities on wikipedia is itself sufficient to convince one there are certainly short lives full of nothing but pain. and observing people dying of degenerative diseases is enough to why there are points at which people make the rational decision not to continue living. but i also know that there are people who have convinced themselves their life is not worth living, because the pain of allowing themselves to be hopeful again, only to have to deal with crushing disappointment, makes it more reassuring to abandon hope altogether. and i have known people so trapped in the teeth of their suffering, they are unable even to do the one thing that may bring them some relief, until they make the conscious choice to believe that that feeling of despair is not in fact a reliable guide to truth.

we prefer certainty to hope; the sure knowledge we are doomed is often cognitively a lighter load than the uncertain possibility of future happiness. but i think it's worth it to keep hope alive. not because i am a sunny optimist who has never felt miserable, but because i have lost days, weeks, months, years to the blackest despair. i have spent many an hour carefully ruminating on the very clear and inarguably true things that made me feel that way, carefully laying out why life was not worth living and maybe never would be, specifically debunking all the bullshit people told me to try to counsel me out of my depression. and that feeling that was ironclad certainty in my mind at the time is, looking back, like a fading mirage. one should always at least consider the possibility that what feels to us like an immutable truth of our life is less substantial than it seems.

[tildeathiwillwrite]

Tag Game: OC Mega Questionnaire

Thank you to @pluppsauthor for the tag! The Wheel spun Raiann Ignis blacksmith and Fire Mage from Trials of the Six, so here we go! My own notes are in blue.

Five things that make you happy:

Uhhh not being on a boat, getting a good night's sleep, a warm meal, a new pretty skirt, and beating Aquilar at cards. I'm a simple woman with simple wants.

If you could save just one other person who would it be?

Just one? Well, hate to say it but it's a toss-up between Aquilar and Jarsali. Whichever one's easier to grab. But I'd try to save the rest of my group regardless.

Tell us one of your funniest jokes:

Jokes are not my department, go ask Jarsali if you want a joke.

Where would you like to visit?

What I wouldn't give to see home. Or at least something reminiscent of it.

When do you usually go to sleep?

I don't know, when it gets dark out? A little while after sunset, usually, when the moons are visible. Yeah, Rymn has multiple moons. One's a reddish tint, the other blueish.

Are you a jealous person?

I'd like to think I'm not, but I'll admit I feel a little too possessive over Aquilar. Wish I didn't, but I think I miss when it was just us and Elya. At least I did at the beginning, but I like how it is now.

Have you committed a crime?

Personally I think executing Mages should be the crime, not rescuing them. But yes I've done some illegal things. I was on a privateering ship for three weeks, the Tectuma government paid us to do the illegal things.

Do you have a chore you usually hate?

Not really. Sometimes preparing meals can be frustrating, but I don't really hate any particular chore. A few years ago, when I worked at a forge, the worst chore I could have was cleaning the soot off everything. It was a mess. Glad I don't have to deal with that much anymore.

Tell me an embarrassing childhood story.

Oh... once when my sister and I were little we were playing with these sticks we found, pretending they were swords, except mine was surprisingly sharp for a stick so when I accidentally hit my sister's hand it started bleeding. Our mother saw the blood and panicked. My sister and I laughed about it years later but I still feel kinda bad about it.

Are you a good person?

Uh... depends on your definition of good. I'm currently helping save lives, so I think I'm a good person. The people who caused what I do to be necessary think I'm a bad person. I've killed in self-defense or to protect someone else. Does that make me a bad person because I killed, or a good person because I did it to protect myself or someone else? I don't know.

What’s the worst thing you have ever done? Do you regret it?

Getting myself exiled when I did. I should have acted so much sooner. I might have opened more people's eyes. Oh well. I'm sure fate intended for me to leave when I did.

What’s the quickest way to make you laugh?

When Korfel and Jarsali bicker it's always an entertaining time.

What is your favourite song right now?

I heard this one song from a street performer in Alynthi. The exact words escape me, but the tune has stuck in my head for a while now.

Do you sometimes wish to be someone else?

Ha! No. I sometimes wish I made different choices, but I'm happy to be who I am.

Do you push forward or take time to rest?

Hate to say it but I'm the over motivated type that needs to be reminded to take breaks otherwise I'll work myself ragged. Unfortunately in my choice of work those are few and far between, but at least I remember to sleep when I can.

What is your favourite drink?

I'm a te kind of woman. I usually just drink it black, but if we have it I sometimes add honey. Te (pronounced tay) is what most people call tea, both the Tectuma and Marelan cultures claim to have discovered it first. It's fairly widespread now mainly due to the Ilunian trading routes. White tea is the most popular currently, being the easiest and cheapest to produce. Te is also a staple of the smuggling trade, and Aquilar's ship made a ton of money for delivering such cargo alongside their privateering duties.

If you had to pick an item of clothing or accessory to wear for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Only that, or can I wear other stuff with it? I'm going to assume that you mean which item will I constantly be wearing. Well, most of my jewelry I wouldn't mind never taking off, I also always have my knives with me too. I guess it would be my bronze choker, my sister made it for me and it means a lot.

If you were forced to forget one memory, what would you choose?

Probably one of my embarrassing mishaps when I was learning to smith. One of the ones that didn't leave a scar. Or maybe one of the times I said the wrong thing that comes back to haunt me at night.

What is a positive thing your worst enemy would say about you?

Probably a backhanded compliment about my trade or skill. "She's a terrible person but hey at least she makes quality swords!" I dunno.

Tagging @fourwingedwriter @writer-of-worlds @geode-crystal @pluttskutt @leahnardo-da-veggie

@somethingclevermahogony and open tag! :D

Blank list:

Five things that make you happy:

If you could save just one other person who would it be?

Tell us one of your funniest jokes:

Where would you like to visit?

When do you usually go to sleep?

Are you a jealous person?

Have you committed a crime?

Do you have a chore you usually hate?

Tell me an embarrassing childhood story

Are you a good person?

What’s the worst thing you have ever done? Do you regret it?

What’s the quickest way to make you laugh?

What is your favourite song right now?

Do you sometimes wish to be someone else?

Do you push forward or take time to rest?

What is your favourite drink?

If you had to pick an item of clothing or accessory to wear for the rest of your life, what would it be?

If you were forced to forget one memory, what would you choose?

What is a positive thing your worst enemy would say about you?

[viveela]

your art is ❤ I wanna squeeze them to death (affectionate) also do you read sp fanfiction? if so do you have recs? 🙈

Ah thank you sm!! I'm so glad people enjoy my fanarts, I honestly didn't think my whole shift to south park posting would go this well lol I'm very glad to be proven otherwise!!

As for sp fics ...this is gonna be a long post lol.

So I have been reading some, buuut I guess I'm kinda picky...I am kind of particular about fics in general honestly. If I love something I want to see it portrayed authentically, that goes for every fandom I've been in. I know aus are fun but I want to be able to mainly consume canon compliant content, rarely do I read anything else oops. Unfortunately I've found that to be kinda hard since aging them up and doing all sorts of aus is heavily the vast majority with the sp fandom so I don't really have too many fics I personally have to recommend; just a handful that stood out to me, but I will happily share some!! They're all style and creek tho as I haven't found any I like that aren't yet, but I hope to find some for other pairs or nonromantic ones soon.

Stan x Kyle: A Ballad of True Hearts It's ongoing but really good so far! I really enjoy it, I'm a huge sucker for the fantasy look from the show/game and when it comes to aus this is like the only one I really indulge in. I really like how they're characterized and the tense dynamic they have that reflects the one seen in the current state of the series. The underlying plot has me very intrigued too! Sign of Devotion Adorable canon feeling story where their fantasy world is rarely portrayed as in the show with them simply playing pretend (which is my fav way to see it done). I loved this one to pieces and idk I just really like the idea of some feelings arising between them from trying to stay in character!! To Be More Than My Daydream I really enjoyed this one because it really nailed down how comfortable the two boys have gotten with each other's presence. I enjoy the idea of Stan taking a while to realize how his feelings changed over time and the way awareness of this slowly comes to light. It's written so tenderly and sweet it's really cute, I love the way they are here. Say it and mean it (for both our sakes) Such an awesome fic covering the distance that has grown between the two and how they're both happier when close to one another. They are both wanting and missing what they once had before but so bad at communicating this to each other until now. It was just perfect, loved it. Tweek x Craig:

Signs Point to Yes Incredibly fun fic, super in character, felt like an actual episode. The call back to the fortune teller is great. It was just such an enjoyable fic that really captured their dynamic and the struggle to save a relationship they didn't even ask for but now want. Super cute!

A Stripe of Love This fic was made before there was that much info on Stripe I believe, but it is very cute and I enjoyed it a lot. I am also always a fan for people bringing in Tweek's unofficial/official parrot into the mix, even if briefly. Overall, it's just a really sweet read.

Baby steps

Really cute exploration of how the two would feel about the awkward transition from faking to actually putting real feelings into their actions and being a little more vocal about it. Tweek's nerves are captured really nicely too.

That's all of them, hopefully my tastes in fics overlap at least a little with yours and you gain a nice read out of this!

I also plan to write some fics myself so maybe keep an eye out for that...?

[good-wine-and-cheese]

Hi hi! I really really love your Monster fics, the emotions always have me in a grip ;u; sorry to be throwing you back since I'm late hahaaaaa, but for the fic asks: D (A Hand to Hold and/or Don't Turn Around), F, S

Thank you!! <3 I'm so glad you enjoy my stories ;v; and thank you for the ask!!!

Writer asks

D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with [insert fic]?

A Hand to Hold: Not in particular, but I offer you my Guriten playlist anyways:

Don't Turn Around: So, the fic itself is an Orpheus & Eurydice retelling mostly inspired by a pair of songs by Arcade Fire. It more directly references "It's Never Over (Hey Orpheus)" which opens with the lyrics Don't turn around right at the beginning.

Just for comparison's sake, here's the companion song, Awful Sound (Oh, Eurydice):

The entire reflektor album fucks like crazy btw.

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Sorry this is going to come from my Astro Boy works just bc that's what I'm currently working on and therefore what's eating my brain matter but I think it would have to be this one:

“The public thinks of you as a part of the robot rights campaign. You’ve been inextricably connected, no matter how you position yourself. It would be easy for you to join me.” Tenma’s brows pinched together. He wasn’t really…. asking that, was he? “I’m sure that would be a good look. ’Terrorist Tenma is accepted into Robot Rights campaign’. It would be the end for you.” “And they’re already running with that, aren’t they? It wouldn’t change a thing.” …But it would. Of course it would. Right now, Hiroshi could order a retraction. He could publicly state that Tenma’s involvement in his campaign was incidental only, that he was an aid in his physical recovery and not a part of the robot rights movement. He could do that and it would regain him credibility with the press. So why was he– “Unless you’re saying that you don’t want to. I understand, of course.” “I didn’t say that.” But he should say that. If he pulled out now, if he refused Hiroshi outright, then the robot rights movement would be able to regain its momentum. Tenma’s presence would do nothing but drag it down. With his help, Hiroshi’s championing would come to a screeching, sputtering halt. Is that what you want? For me to destroy your…

Sorry it's more than just dialogue, but with the way I write inner monologues it kind of matters. Anyway what gets me about this scene is that it's all in code. Like, sure Ochanomizu would like Tenma to be part of his robot rights campaign, but that's not actually what he's asking. What he wants is for Tenma to be a part of his life. They used to be close. He wants that back.

But on the other hand Tenma is a very troubled person with a very bad track record. He causes problems, he doesn't fix them. And the thing is he knows what Ochanomizu is really asking, and he's stuck between wanting to be part of his best friend's life again and the dread of knowing the type of person that he is - that he'll end up ruining everything. He doesn't trust himself not to hurt Ochanomizu.

It gets brought up again later in the chapter and they blow the whole thing open and have a proper discussion about wanting to be in each others' lives but it just Gets to me when they have these kind of coded conversations that both are fully aware of the real meaning but it's just easier to Not Deal With It right then.

Thank you for listening to me ramble about poorly adjusted old men

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

I don't know if it's a "fandom" trope specifically but I am obsessed with having one half of a pairing be dead and appear to the other half as a kind of psychological manifestation (or an actual ghost) that both haunts them and helps bring about catharsis of grief and forgiveness. If I can somehow involve the sea it's even better.

[firespirited]

I should probably make a scavenging tag to keep tab of this buuuut it kind of goes under the home hacks and multipurpose crafting i've been doing ever since that first 2008 doll streaks with gold embroidery floss rooted using a toothbrush handle with the needle inserted by melting over a candle.

Guess this is kind of my brand. ¯\_(◡‿◡)_/¯

On Friday, I walked Lily briefly and found a big bin bag that was someone's chest of drawers emptied so I sorted it into clothes, recyclable and rubbish put it all in the correct bins and left the clothes and accessories for others to go through after picking out a few gorgeous scarves, a brand-new djellaba in bronze cotton, a lovely stained cream jumper (sweater) that i'm going to dye: it had a snagged loose knit - crochet looking but done by machine - back that just needed re-knotting/rethreading (what ever the word is for when you use tweezers to weave the yarn back through its original pattern and knot it down), a machine knitted snood to frog/unravel, some glitter body lotion and a notebook.

*I found the glue at another bin next to a bunch of tools (including a stainless ratchet wrench 😍 with accessories I couldn't carry 😥) thought I'd grab the glue in case there was a chance you could get some out by using a pin through the top as I'm currently waiting for superglue in the mail. Score: It's not jammed at all.

Loctite powerflex is pricey (€7 for 3g when you can get 20 x 3g liquid superglue for €4) and takes about double the time to set (hold tight and count to at least sixty not thirty) but it is magical stuff: not only does it go where you direct it to, you have a window to wipe off any excess without it leaving damage and it holds really well without cracking on flexible surfaces like vinyl, shoe soles, headphone wires. It's got superglue in it but also some kind of rubber base solution. It's one of those fancy glues you want around for the special stuff while having a backup of bog-standard superglue for basic repairs.

*I keep sleep and symptom notebooks to keep track of any circadian rhythm disruptions, migraines, gastrointestinal issues so I can circle back to a particular food or activity. I'd been using these cute panda shaped accounting notepads and stocked up but as with all things good, they got discontinued. I tried other notepads but it wasn't quite right: it needs to be lightweight, easily replaceable if I drop water on it, as unobtrusive as possible. This merch pocket book with the 5mm squares is just right when unbound into 6.

/// I learned this trick as a kid, someone showed me how different books were bound and how to salvage thrown out school exercise books, remelt crayons, use carbon copy, properly wash brushes... that kind of stuff. I think it was a free summer art class where you turn up and there are all sorts of different people and even if you end up just drawing ye olde square house, you absorb a bunch of history or techniques and get to watch other people: how they sketch, how they observe, I think that was the first time i'd seen cross-hatching and then couldn't unsee it in illustrations. I'm so glad my parents dropped me off at the various council, museum and church free events as a kid: some are really rigid and you get in trouble if you don't assemble the pompom bird exactly as instructed, others are an occasion to bond with some grandpa who'll show you how to whittle or learn and learn. ///

Why not go digital? because you don't want your phone on: you'll forget what you were supposed to do and go down a rabbit hole. Besides, half those things come with weird reward systems that make me feel obligated or guilty, or worse: diet propaganda. So that lil find has me set for the next year, I transcribed my current messy too big notepad into two pages and voilà! (well i still have a couple of symptoms to add now that i look it over)

*After working with yarn for a while, you start to get a sense for the type that doesn't pull apart when brushed or tugged and it's rarer than you'd expect so I took the snood despite not liking the green tinge to the mustardy colour: it doesn't make clawdeen's skin tone pop for example. So it's the right fibre with a light enough base for some dye experiments.

*it has taken forever and it's just a start (50+ more) but I have listed 12 more dolls on ebay!! there are reroots from before I got injured and deglued dolls i'm really proud of. If you're interested, I'd much prefer to sell in bulk to the EU, will happily sell at cost instead of those higher ebay prices and have a ton of doll heads and partially finished projects if you repaint or reroot.

[pancake-breakfast]

Trigun Book Club! Maybe Wolfwood will show up in today's reading....

Archive

Trigun Volume 1: Covers + 1-3, 3 Detailed Thoughts, 4, 4 DT, 5-6, 5-6 + DT, 6 DT, 7-8, 9-10

Trigun Volume 2: Covers + Extras, 1, 1 Supplemental Research

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for Trigun Vol. 2, Chapters 2-4 below.

Chapter 2: Diablo

Ok, Legato Bluesummers is a HUGE problem child, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE his character design. This guy would adore goth fashion.

I wonder who's decided Vash deserves this particular hell. Also, it's noteworthy that the fact that they're sending TWELVE assassins after him (presumably one at a time) suggests they expect at least the first few to fail.

"Anyone in their right mind would keep that man locked up!" Hahahahahahahaha, try it.

Ugh, poor Vash.... He looks so sad and angry... and a bit scary. I'm worried for him.

It would be absolutely understandable if his feelings here were toward the humans unjustly locking him up, but the text goes on to let us know that the primary thing on his mind... the source of all his feelings right now... is Knives.

Flashback time!

Ohhhh, this is a place where '98 hard deviated, but Stampede stayed the course. '98 had Vash, Knives, and Rem running around with a handful of other characters back then, but here, it's just them.

Honestly, I feel like this panel is hitting on more story themes than are immediately apparent.

How sad that loneliness drove her to join Project Seeds. Sad, but understandable.

Oh, Vash, babygirl. Someone hug him.

You know, there's another character who wears an outfit that looks very similar to this in present day. And it's not Vash.

Full-on mom mode here in telling them what to do.

Vash looks older in this scene than he did in either anime adaptation.

Obscuring Knives's face. Smart. Can't see too much of him until it's Time.

TBH, Knives's argument here feels like justification after the fact. Like he needs a reason for everything that just happened to be right despite any elements of it going sideways.

For a pacifist, he sure can rock some serious murderface.

The ease with which he flips from murderface to softboi face is a bit disturbing.

He says this, but babygirl here looks SO TIRED. Whether or not he believes what he's saying, I think he really needs their kindness right now.

I don't know what Milly is trying to say/do here, but I wish her the best!

I just want to note that knowing my kana has made the sound effects a LOT more fun for me than they'd be otherwise.

Mmmmmm, something tells me Vash is likely to be out of there before morning. It might be this big guy who just showed up and opened fire, it might not. Who can say?

Oh, honey. Vash is NEVER unarmed. Even when he's literally missing an arm.

Hi, Monev! Thank you for introducing yourself to the class! You can sit down now. There's an empty seat right over there.

Yeah, the LAST thing Vash needs is to be trying to protect some bystanders against anyone making this level of posturing.

Good question, Monev. I don't think Vash is quite sure what he's up against, but he's clearly not going to underestimate you or take any chances. Not after meeting Legato.

Goshdarnit, the girls are still here.

Yeah, this could get messy.

I feel like Meryl taking a hit here was kind of nodded to in Stampede, where she also rushed in against Monev and nearly got herself killed.

See? Gun arm. Vash is never unarmed.

Annnd he's no longer chained down, either.

Not sure what's going on here, but I doubt it will be good for the building.

Yep. Sayonara, windows. We barely knew thee.

What's wrong, Monev? Looks like you might have bit off more than you can chew.

Oh, man. This end panel, though. Current favorite Vash murder pose.

Something something Hellsing something Alucard something aesthetic inspiration.

Chapter 3: Fragile

(The title makes me think of this song.)

Oof, little Meryl. I'm glad Milly's taking care of her.

I wish it was apparent who was thinking they can't let Vash go. I'm guessing it's Meryl, but that's based on metagame knowledge.

Iconic Vash pose.

Oof, goodbye, buildings. May you meet up with the windows from the previous chapter in whatever afterlife architecture ends up in.

Ok, this pause, though. This deliberate pause. The way the panels move from Vash shouting as loud as he can, to this almost peaceful pose of his back with the "ooooo" hum being the only indication of movement as he looks at a literal wall, to the GIANT SWISS CHEESE EXPLOSION. That's such a good build.

Ahhhh, and then this show of him focusing on the next page. People are getting shot, the world is exploding, and his gun is PERFECTLY LEVEL, his eyes are open. He's watching and waiting like a freaking ambush predator.

Aaaand he's injured. Darnit.

BUT HE MADE THE SHOT. TWICE. And Monev knows it.

Milly, still trying to help. <3

Heh, Vash might have lost the arm, but he didn't lose the arm. Hahahahahahahaha

Babygirl, remember the lesson you were trying to impress on Katie in the last volume. Don't get so caught up in your memories that you forget to be in the moment. The past is already fixed. The moment is where you can do the most good.

Something something it may seem silly something will to survive.

Uhhhh, why are we going to the bank now? Maybe something about that vault being thick and potentially safe?

Dang, we can just follow the blood trail, can't we?

Oof, trying to reload one-handed like this. Hands shaking. Trying to remember his own potential despite everything.

Uhhh... why was there just a bag of weapons hanging out there? Did Monev put it there earlier? It looks like something you'd find in a video game.

Honestly, this security guard should just take the night off.

Can't have Trigun without the bigass guns...

Vash is using the door as a shield. Just not the way one would suspect.

Again, with that perfectly steady hand.

Goodbye, Monev tough-guy mask. Hello, knee to the face.

Even after all this, Vash's resolve immediately cracks when he sees Monev's genuine fear of dying.

Again, with Rem's form blending into his and dominating the page. Meanwhile, he's just a shadow in the corner. Again, with the heavenly imagery of her, where here the only think keeping her from looking like a traditional angel is the lack of wings. But her hair, the way the cloth flows around her, and her whole pose speaks of angel's flight.

And, shaking, his gun dripping with blood from the force with which he shoved it in Monev's eye, he comes back to himself. And loses it in an entirely different way.

I love this last panel. It makes Vash seem so small and so alone. At the same time, literally everyone else in the panel aside from Monev is coming toward him to help. He might feel alone, but he's far from it.

Chapter 4: Scars

Ah, yes. Fragile things do end up with scars, if they don't break.

Honestly, what Meryl is typing here sounds far more journalistic than insurance agent-y.

She's starting to realize that, while Vash himself is a nice and gentle soul, there's a lot about him she doesn't know. I'm reminded of that quote, "No one will ever know the violence it took to become this gentle."

(BTW, I'm listening to the Stampede soundtrack and it's currently playing the version of Knives's theme with vocals and it's NOT HELPING.)

(Also, it sounds like SOMEONE is developing a bit of a crush on Mr. The Stampede.)

Monev seems to have grown some respect for Vash.

Ha, they gave this line to Wolfwood in Stampede.

I appreciate Vash's response. It says a lot about his character. Even when he seems like he's trusting, he's generally being far more cautious than people think he's being.

Quest #1: Complete! You've acquired a Coin Half!

*sigh* Everyone's scared, but he saved them all. But... their concerns aren't unjustified. If one assassin found him, the others likely will, too. And it's not like they'd send their biggest guns for Round 1.

You really shouldn't just walk straight into people's rooms. Even if you knock. Lucky for everyone he already had pants on.

Ugh, he's such a mess....

LOL, buddy. I hope that's not why you're turning down the opportunity for sex. And... if a partner really cared about you, it's not like she'd think less of you for them. Hasn't anyone ever told you chicks dig scars? Good on Meryl for calling him out.

Vash might have initially been put off by them seeing his scars, but now that they have, he doesn't seem to see a reason to hide them.

I don't think Vash could live a quiet life if he wanted to. Not with the Gung-Ho Guns hunting him. We'll not get into Ericks for the time being.

This is such a thing, though. I don't think she would fault him or think any less of him if he never bothered to settle that score. Then again, all things considered, him taking a back seat in all this would kind of be ignoring a ticking time bomb that might undo all she sacrificed for.

Huh, it's a bit of a surprise they let Monev stay for a few days, too.

There's something hilarious about Meryl's roller suitcase in the middle of the desert here.

LOLOLOL, Milly calling out Meryl for her intense interest in Vash.

Milly is a lot more devious than she looks....

Uhhhhh, what's with the cross? What's with Vash's panic?

Ohhhh, shit. Is that Monev??

Yep, it's Monev. Is... is he still alive??? Crucifixion is specifically designed to 1) be IMMENSELY painful (the spikes are generally hammered not through the palms, where they'd just rip out, but through the nerve bundle that runs up the forearm between the bones, which are holding the majority of your weight), and 2) slowly kill via exposure.

Nooooo, I don't like this guy alreadyyyyyyy....

I... I don't think Monev had a home. Not really. Not like the Gung-Ho Guns were gonna welcome him back to the mansion basement. He'd need to make a new path for himself in the world.

Yyyyep, it's E.G. Mine. Please send him back where you found him. I don't like him.

Vash, staying focused in this.

TBH, that get-up looks EXTREMELY uncomfortable.

I agree, Vash. I agree. I hope you can dodge this trolley problem with an Option 3.

Hahahaha, Vash manages to disable E.G. before his bag has a chance to drop to below shoulder level.

Howwww. How did he know Legato was watching?!

Oh, good. Legato's surprised by it all, too. And almost got shot. He's taking it pretty well, though.

Go for the source of the problem rather than the riffraff it's kicking up. Wise. Legato doesn't look pleased by this change of plans. But I think Vash is right to decide this quest is shit.

I feel very Two Cakes-y about manga Monev vs. TriStamp Monev.

(Warning: Spoilers for Trigun: Stampede ahead.)

There are things I like about both. And while TriStamp wrapping Vash directly into his backstory and mucking much more clearly with Monev's head might be a bit off-putting to some, I appreciated how much more personal they made his arc to Vash. You have all the same elements; a boy betrayed and trained to be a monster, released primarily to cause Vash pain, and then just as it seems he might be saved from everything he's been through, his life is cut short in a way that does NOT endear Vash to his killer.

But in Stampede, Monev's arc also holds the full weight of 20 years of Vash being too late. Too late to save the town. Too late to save the boy. To short-sighted to see the consequences of just trying to help. Too slow to save the man.

It makes it hit in a far more meaningful fashion... but I don't know that it would be right for manga Vash at this point in his story arc. Right now, he needs to recognize and reconcile what he is and isn't. We've seen far more of him being silly than we've seen of him being dangerous, and here, we see him leaning into his more dangerous side. Through his arc in the manga, we too must start to ask the questions Meryl asks, and might begin to wonder if, perhaps, the Humanoid Typhoon is far closer to the edge than he immediately appears.

[moongothic]

A relatively quick and quite experimental crochet project to kiiinda start the year off; a crochet bag from scrap yarns! (And other scrap materials now that I think about it)

So I had some yarn left over from my blanket of darkness (I can't believe the rounds that post is making, what on earth), one untouched ball of black yarn and then three balls of yarn I had used misc amounts of. I knew right away there wouldn't be much yarn there for any big project, I did kinda considder just making myself a simple scarf but right now I'm actually in the middle of knitting four scarves to give out to family on Christmas* so between the reality that I probably wouldn't wear a striped scarf in these particular colors and me having enough scarf projects to do anyways... yeah, the idea wasn't particularly appealing

*(GOTTA GET STARTED EARLY, also it's the misc yarn I bought when our yarn shop was shutting down, the stuff I have no idea what to do with. Currently on Scarf 2, I'll probably share photos when all four are done. Eventually. Knitting is slow. So slow I had to do a crochet project between the first two scarfs because I was losing my marbles.)

Now I have Instagram so I can post art there once every six months, I'd hardly considder myself like an Insta user, but sometimes it is kind of nice to browse the things Insta reccomends because there are some lovely things posted on there. A while back, this post of these crochet bags got reccomended to me and they have been haunting me ever since. Like look at them, they're really pretty. And yeah, when I was wondering what I could do with these scrap yarns in particular... The idea of trying to make a bag seemed really fun

And specifically, making a crochet bag with a lining on it, so it'd be like, actually kind of usable. I've never made a bag, not a crochet one nor a sewn one, and I didn't want to up any tutorials or help on how to make a lined crochet bag either, I wanted to just wing it and figure it out by myself (for better or worse) (mostly worse)

So I started the project by just making the actual crochet part of it

This whole thing involved a lot of math, trial and error to figure out the Max Size of the bag I could make (also I wanted to a round bag for some god forsaken reason) with the yarn I had. I didn't have too much of this specific yarn, and I didn't want to buy any more, just use what I already had.

At the time I thought it'd be a good idea to make the "backside" of the bag a plain black, since not only the largest amount of yarn I had was black, but also because it'd be the "inside facing side" that you'd theoretically never see if I wore the bag. In hindsight I regret that decision but we'll get back to that later

I did try out a few different color layouts, tested how many stripes of what colors I could do with the yarn I had (again, math), for some reason this was the one I liked the most though (don't ask me what the numbers mean I can't remember anymore) (something about the stitches/rounds), though I did add one more round since I had just enough yarn for it

But, here is how my pieces turned out. At this point, I had no yellow yarn left and only a Very Very Small Amount of white and black, not enough to do any more rounds or make the bag or the bottom piece bigger/longer, but just enough for some sewing later on

But, with the pieces completed, it was time for me to do the lining

I've had this black fabric for years now, I got it for some project that I never actually did so it had been just sitting around, collecting dust for years, so I'm glad I finally got around to using it.

I laid it down, put the crochet pieces on top, traced them and cut 'em ✂️✨ Followed by sewing them together, a process I did not bother to take photos of because it wasn't particularly interesting.

((Also I had to take a massive break at one point because I realized I really actually needed my mom's serger but that thing was covered in decades worth of tobacco, dust and grime so it needed to be cleaned bad. There was no way in hell I was putting my fabric pieces on that filthy thing. (Also I've never used a serger before so I had to look up tutorials how to use it jdfhjkdfg)))

Once I had put the lining together I washed it (just to get any excess dust and cat hair off it) and ironed it ✨

It looks like an absolute mess, lmao, you can tell I don't do sewing (it almost looks like a tulip... And man, a tulip shaped bag could be super cute...)

But it's fine, because this lining's getting covered in crochet pieces >:)c So ain't nobody gonna see the wonky sewing once it's done! (Also to be fair, big part of the reason it looks horrendous here is because the fabric itself was like, quite floppy. Like there's nothing to hold it up and keep its structure and shape at this point)

Now, one important thing needs to be addressed here. Although at the time I thought this was the best way for me to make the bag, in hindsight I know I should've done the opposite.

I thought it'd be easier for me to first sew the fabric together and then sew the crochet pieces on top, mainly because I believed it'd be harder for me to try to do sewing if the fabric pieces also had the crochet pieces attached to them. Like they'd add bulk to the fabric and increase the risk of me sewing over the crochet and somehow damaging the crochet and/or my sewing machine (or something, I dunno).

And while in theory that might be true, I now know that I would've gotten a much nicer, cleaner looking bag if I had sewed the crochet pieces onto this fabric first, because then I would've been able to add an extra inner lining. You'll see why that would've been prettier a bit later

I just want to point this out because while the way I made the bag works just fine for me, it's not the ideal way to do it, it's not the smartest nor the prettiest way to do it, and I can't reccomend it to anyone. Just wanted to give out this disclaimer, do as I say, not as I do lmao

Anyway, with the lining done, I started working on attaching the crochet onto the fabric with the bottom piece, first pinning it down and then hand sewing it onto the fabric.

Then I did the side pieces. I was careful to start from the middle of each crochet piece, slowly moving outwards to the edges as I was attaching the pieces, leaving the edges unsewn for now...

...because next, I wanted to sew the crochet pieces together. The crochet had more stretch to it, so I figured first sewing them together and then attaching the edges of the crochet to the lining would result in a cleaner look.

Sadly I didn't have much/any yarn left to so I couldn't crochet the crochet pieces together, somekinda slipstitch would've looked much cleaner and prettier, but with the little yarn I had left I didn't want to risk running out in the middle and having to unravel it or something.

So yeah, not particularly pretty, but it worked. And with that done, it was time for me to add a strap to the bag, before I'd go finish sewing the crochet pieces onto the fabric! You'll see why I did this now!

So I had some random ass, thin, black yarn leftover from... something, so I figured I could use some of that up and I did! I made tiny crochet straps and slipped small metal rings (from my mom's hoard) on them, and sewed them onto the bag

Specifically sewed them onto the fabric, didn't want them to be visible on top of the crochet lining (which is why the edges around the bag's opening were still unsewn at this point)

And in the spirit of using things I already had, I have these two straps from one of my old goth pants (though they're actually shorts now). And they just happened to be like, the perfect lenght for an over-the-shoulder bag

No the metals don't match but beggars can't be choosers and it's fiiiiiiine. What matters is that I got a free bag strap without having to make one >:)c

One last thing I did was add some buttons to the bag to hold it closed. I wasn't originally going to add anything but when I tried the bag on, I realized it was just a little too floppy on the opening. I didn't want to try to figure out how to add a zipper or anything, so I grabbed these ancient buttons (from my mom's hoard) and sewed three of them onto the bag, so it holds its shape better

Finished sewing crochet pieces onto the fabric and finished up the very very outer edges as well, and the bag was pretty much done!

Indeed. The inside looks like ass. Although it's mainly just the white yarn that I used, since I didn't want the sewing to be too obvious on the outside I tried to match the thread I used for the sewing to the part of the crochet I was attaching. If I had an inner lining, the inside would look much nicer since all of this would be hidden underneath it, but at this point there was no way in hell I was going to rip these pieces apart just to add a lining, nah, it's fine, it's good enough for me and good enough for my first bag. But yeah, if you want to make a bag, learn from my mistake here

But, with all that done, the bag was done!

And yeah, here you can see why I regret doing the colors the way I did. More specifically, I regret making the bottom white. Like, I thought it would look cool and interesting, and I thought it'd be a waste of the white yarn to use it on "the backside" (the side noone would ever see), and I didn't have enough yarn to make the bag symmetrical on both sides (at least not without severely down playing the part of the yellow yarn in the design).

But in the end, because the bag doesn't hold its shape SUPER WELL, it makes the bottom piece more visible than I expected it to be. Like sewing on the crochet parts did add some structure to it, but it doesn't hold the tin cookie jar shape the way I had hoped it would. So the bottom is much more prominent because of that, and because the bottom part has like, some interest to it with the contrasting colors and whatever, it draws in the eye even more. Like, I really should've just made the bottom piece pure black and used whatever leftover yarns I had to make the backside of the bag.

But, it is what it is. I've made my mistake and now I get to learn from them!

In anycase, here is the bag, despite looking like an absolute mess and not turning out the way I had hoped it would, it still turned out pretty cute.

SHEER COINCIDENCE, I realized that I had this ancient little extra pocket thing (possibly from the same old goth pants as the strap, though I'm not sure, I can't remember) which just HAPPENED to be the exact same size/width as the bag. Like, I did not plan for that at all, but it's the perfect size, so I can straight up just keep the pocket on this bag and use it as an extra, separate compartment if I need one. Lmao, what are the odds

Also the strap from my old pants really is like the perfect lenght for this bag (/me, since I'm short, and it's not adjustable or anything)

Weirdest thing about this project is that it hasn't made me want to make more crochet bags, but it did make me want to learn to do embroidery so I could make custom embroidered bags jkdfhjahgfdg

(Disclaimer, the yarn part of the bag is 100% wool, I don't want to have to deal with washing it, and I don't want to get it dirty, so realistically, I am never going to wear this bag outside dfjghsdjfgh)

[joshmedin]

Not an odd parallel at all

So here's the thing. Well, two things.

I'm one of those filthy tabletop game people. (So is my spouse; she has been since before we met, too.) After college, well, we needed to create a new group of people to get entirely too interested in the fall of oddly-shaped pieces of plastic and the lives of fictional elves. We are also, it must be said, on the old side. We remember the Before Times. And in the Before Times, and even a bit after that, game groups were invariably largely male. Indeed, it wasn't at all uncommon for a group of gamers to have *at absolute most* exactly one female member. (Take a look at some of the classic game-related comics-- take a look at the gender groupings in Knights of the Dinner Table or Order of the Stick. These are pretty typical; many groups had zero female members.)

But our post-college group kind of wavered, shifted, stabilized-- and suddenly, we had, and to this day, still have, a majority-female gaming table. There wasn't anything to it, honestly. It just... happened.

So here's the other thing.

The industry I work in isn't really known for progressive politics in many ways. It's one of those things, not restricted to any one company-- it's the entire industry. (It's not just politics, for that matter-- my industry can be incredibly reluctant to, say, upgrade technology. We don't like change much.)

But the specific company I work for? At one location, one particular division-- and not one you'd expect this of *at all*-- is currently majority trans.

That's even more surprising than the first one; I don't know what the current math is on the percentage of trans people in the population as a whole, but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that it's less than, oh, ten percent. So if random chance was involved, what are the odds that we'd have one job category at one location be 57% trans?

So how did that happen, anyway?

I'm pretty sure that it's the same reason in both cases.

In our gaming group, as we formed, other women in our community who were tabletop gamers saw that we had multiple women in our group, that we didn't treat them like romance objects or second-class players, that they were comfortable and happy hanging out with us. And the female members of our group, of course, were happy to tell other women about how fun it was. So more asked to join our group. And now our table is so big we can't even fit more people in, and still majority-female.

And, well, I'm not trans, and I'm not in that community, but I'm going to guess that since we started hiring other trans folks, and treating them with respect, word got out that that's what we did-- treat them with respect-- and so other people came to us over some other employer where, say, they might be taking a chance on how they'd be treated.

And I'm glad that it's worked out that way, for them, and for us.

And... I don't know. I think that it illustrates a truth that gets overlooked by some people. If someone says "[Group] isn't interested in [Hobby/Vocation/Activity]," maybe what they aren't seeing is that people don't necessarily feel safe or comfortable or welcome in some spaces, and that if it's clear that that the space is welcoming, then the demographics suddenly start to reflect the people who are really out there instead of the stereotypes.

Or something like that. I don't know. I'm not a sociologist.

But what I do know is that I have a really cool tabletop gaming group.

And I do know that we were able to hire enough people in a location and position that had been pretty painfully understaffed.

And both of these things are good.

And, just between me and all of you, I think that basically treating people with respect got us there.

[sokokoko]

These are from @awfulalignmentcharts

I have wanted to fill out alignment charts for so sooo long. I even have some saved on Pinterest that I might get to later

Using my characters from After School Guardians for this <33 I did 10 charts because I don't have self control

Sorry I haven't made proper drawings for everyone yet :((( but these are them. I'm going to rant about my characters and their placements now though🚨🚨🚨

Any good, healthy decisions Ash makes is as a result of him thinking about his father

I was so tempted to put him in doesnt study and it shows seeing as he's proved to be a problematic disaster (see: road trip and living together 😭)

Stormy aces without studying even though she's not much of a brainiac (more of a fashionista type, tbh) because a lot of her youth was spent either surviving or sharpening her mind. She's unexpectedly smart sometimes (kind of sad that it's "unexpected", as if she can't be both beauty and brains). She has photographic memory and commits important details to mind (which really helped her when she was on her own) and I think that'd transfer over to remembering things she needs to ace tests

There's no other way to put it but to say Shadow is a himbo. but!!! he can't completely be blamed? He, Ash, Crystal and Stormy are all non humans getting used to human things so stuff's kind of complicated. Although, it probably makes him look really dumb seeing as the others aren't doing things as silly as him

On the note of them being non human, (Shad a boogeyman, Stormy a siren, Crystal a harpy and Ash an it's complicated) they don't attend school (they'll definitely have their moments where they show up and embarrass the human gang or get into shenanigans) so the studying one is definitely hypothetical

I'd honestly be scared to give some of those guys phones. Crystal would follow instructions on how to use it (probably being guided by one of the humans), Shadow would struggle for 3 months and discover a new feature every other day ("huh?? You can check the weather? I thought this was just a calculator???" "Shadow, PLEASE 😭") Stormy would probably always be getting hers wet/forgetting it's not waterproof and Ash would be the one with the horribly cracked screen, disgusting fingerprints all over or losing his phone frequently (possibly all at once. If so, Zinthia would faint after seeing the "phone" and she isn't phased by many things [execpt Ash being Ash])

It's okay though cuz Zinthia and Alan are our rich kids!! Just buy more phones and ignore what Ash is doing to his current ones 💞

Zinthia steals your wallet only for the thrill of stealing it but doesn't care about money cuz she has her own ✨

Alan will def help u out by holding ur wallet for u but he got his own money so he wouldn't even have any particular intentions. He's not not touching your money cuz he cares about you or your feelings. No, no. Koko is the only one who could be accused of caring about feelings (Shadow too but not in the situation in which you give him your wallet and say he can buy something if he likes)

Crystal's alignment explained wallet wise; she simply doesn't care about material goods (but food is 💯 the way to her heart)

The phone wallpaper one is actually really interesting to me cuz the pairs seem to mostly have the same tastes. Crystal is Nino's guardian, Stormy Alan's, Ash Zinthia's and Shadow Koko's and they're all basically next to each other ("basically" cuz Koko and Shadow deviated, dang it, guys)

The arrows in the thunderstorm one indicate that they'd just be comforting their magic guardians and Alan would use hot coco (never been so glad before that i used Ks in Koko's name 😭✋) while Nino uses his awkwardness

The storm one is funny but Crystal and Stormy are literally reliving trauma so that puts a bit of angst to an otherwise lighthearted situation. Thanks, Soko 🙏 just what the Dr ordered 💞

I felt the need to add something special for Stormy during the road trip. She'd appreciate me letting her have a place at the top <3

Nino and Koko protect the snacks in shifts but show no loyalty/there are no discounts for each other if they both happen to awake at the same time while one is guarding and the other is craving snacks

The urge to say Stormy disappears into to the ocean was so strong but considering the fact that she's a siren that's literal just running away 🤣 so Nino gets to avoid his problems through cryptidhood

Im crying at how Ash's placements literally tell a story

And Alan's "aesthetic" wallpaper exclusively means he goes through rotations of pictures of stars. Because he is obsessed with them by virtue of his family and their history. I won't get into that just like I won't get into what Ash is because that is a whole Thing™️™

Also, Alan is not meek, that's just the drawing. He's more of an intelligent, dedicated and composed person. Crystal might seem a bit similar to him because they had some similar answers or in how they are studious, but she is quiet and stoic in her intelligence and has a bit of a superiority complex towards the others at first. Alan just tries to wrangle these heathens he's been stuck with (read: everyone but Koko and occasionally Shadow if he doesn't get attacked in conversation. Despite how silent and level headed she is most of the time, Crystal gets hella argumentative with Stormy.)

✨ Refer to this post for the old + new summary of After School Guardians ✨

[danpuff-ao3]

Oh, Danni, I'm so sorry about the mental health overload. I've been ducking in and out (too much shit to take care of at this time of year because I run a retail business), but I remember a post in which you totaled up all your fannish commitments, and it sounded extremely stressful. And that's not counting anything that might be happening outside fandom. Be kind to yourself, my dear. I hope the cloud passes soon. 🌈 💜

In the meanwhile, I'd love to hear about - well, any number of WIPs from your list, but let's start with:

Drarry to Snarry (I'm awful, I know it, so apologies to Drarry fans, but I get tremendous pleasure out of fics where Harry chooses Snape over Draco - unless it's a fic in which Draco dies, forcing Harry to move on, because that's a different ball game altogether)

and

Bookshop AU (near and dear to my heart)

PI!! I can imagine this time of year is nightmarish for you. My partner works for the post office, so it's always chaos for him, as well. Best of luck with the holiday season!!

As for me, I've had enough friends and my therapist clobber me over the head enough to drop a few commitments. 😅 Which lessened my load a bit, but increased the guilt so...unsure how much of a trade off that was! But I am at least making solid attempts at this whole balance and self-care thing! 💖

And now....some fanfic blabbering!

Drarry to Snarry

You know, I'm super glad you asked about this one because I'm the exact same!! Hence...you know. This fic needing to exist. 🤣 It feels so very particular, and I feel so few people will appreciate with me.

The first fic I ever read ever was a Drarry fic, you know! But even though that's where I began, and even with the mass popularity of Drarry, and the sheer number of creations out there...I've just never been on board with it. And let me tell you, I wish I could be. Drarry folks out there are really doing the dang thing! But while I enjoy a good Harry-Draco friendship, I just can't quite see romance.

So writing this is, in part, the petty joy of Severus being the one Harry chooses. Draco, the very handsome and very wealthy boyfriend, abandoned in favor of a man twice his age and chock-full of bitterness and not to mention that nose. Gosh, don't even get me started, really. (This game was a great idea, I'm already feeling stirred up to go show all my feelings via fanfiction.)

Part of it is also, I think, wanting to explore writing Drarry, at least a little bit. I've managed hints of Drarry in a few pieces, but never a proper love story. I can't help but wonder if writing it will help clear my eyes a bit in regards to that ship. To sort of explore what might bring them together and hold them together, if only for a while. And seeing how the most unlikely of people will be the one to break them apart.

And now, I'll give you a snippet, in the form of the opening I currently have. (Obligatory "this is unedited and how it fell out of my brain, please do not judge" 🙈)

Draco loves Harry, but he doesn’t say so until Harry says it first.

It’s a perfect, storybook moment. Laying out on the Quidditch pitch, brooms tossed haphazardly to either side of them, the stars glittering overhead. Harry props up on one elbow and he looks at Draco’s nose rather than his eyes. It’s dark, but Draco swears he sees the tinge of pink in his cheeks. When the words come, they come quietly and quickly, “Iloveyou.” 

Draco’s heart gives a gleeful kick, though his tone is smug when he says, “Of course you do.”

Bookshop AU

This was originally going to be for a fest. Which fest, though...I've forgotten. 🤔 What I have written was too fun and I love what I have! Life just got in the way of me finishing it. Sigh. (It's a conspiracy from the Universe, I swear. I'd be too powerful if it wasn't constantly throwing curveballs at me.)

Funnily enough, when it comes to AUs I'd generally prefer to read Muggle AUs over magical AUs, but "magical bookshop" was too perfect for me to resist! Our beloved, grumpy Severus runs a bookshop (of course) and he meets Harry for the first time as an annoying customer, rather than an annoying student. What fun!

And for this, I shall gift you with flirtation:

Heat rises to Severus’ cheeks. His words are much less casual repeated back to him, alone in his store. Still, he lifts his chin and stares haughtily down at Harry. “You might thank me for sparing you the attentions of older, predatory men.” 

Harry’s eyes glitter. “I don’t mind older men.” This bold statement takes Severus by surprise, and he nearly chokes on his own spit when Harry continues, “Or predatory ones.”

It's meant to be a rather lighthearted, fun fic. But we'll not know for sure until it's finished. 😄

WIP Tag Game