#I'm not here - unfortunately

[inkskinned]

i keep thinking about how rfk said that autistic people "will never write a poem." i keep thinking about that, about if humanity is calculated on the back of old verse. how far we measure personhood is in baseball and stanza breaks.

i keep thinking - i have over 7k poems on here alone. language can be a special interest, after all. did you know the word autism comes almost direct from the greek word autos, meaning "self"? self-ism.

maybe he is right - i haven't really played baseball. i was a ballet dancer instead. and besides - my sister once accidentally hit me in the face with an aluminum bat. i'm not sure if the injury gives me half points. am i only a person in the dugout? hand in a mitt? swinging?

does softball count? does cricket? am i a person if i throw the ball to my dog. am i a person as long as the ball is in the air, or do i stop being a person as it rolls into the bushes. i took my girlfriend to fenway recently; was i a person in the sun, with my hands up, with the game laid out at my feet in a diamond. i felt like a person, but that was back in the summer, and i often feel my most person-like then.

am i more of a person because of the sheer number of things i've written? does quality matter, or is it quantity? i used to write entire books every summer in high school - i wasn't doing well. i felt the least like-a-person back then. but then - does any person feel human in high school?

in the library, ink on my skin, i feel personhood shutter at the edges of myself. actually, writing feels blissfully like not being myself. it feels birdlike; escaping into creation so my body dissolves and i survive only by muscle memory. i am not there, i am writing.

but who can deny the falconlike focus of warsan shire, the tenderness of mary oliver, the sheer skill of amanda gorman. those are poets. they are certainly human. you could line them up with the way their words have influenced us and measure their literary shadows like wings.

perhaps it was very assumptive of me to want to be a poet rather than "a [ label ] poet." i wanted the work to fill itself in, rather than be stained by what i am. i do not write in despite of my neurodivergence, i am just neurodivergent and writing.

does the poem have to be in english or can i send it through my palms into the coat of my dog. does the poem have to make sense. does the poem have to love you back.

if i break a glass, will the poem appear naturally? or is the act of breaking the glass human-enough. the shards of my life glittering out beneath me - do i have to write the poem, or is it self-evident in the pile of glass splinters? i cannot grasp this world the way other people can. regardless, i endeavor to touch - even the mess - very gently.

i broke my toenail against my coffee table recently. i released a bug outdoors. i made coffee. i walked my dog.

i didn't write a poem about any of these things.

something else, then. existing without humanity.

[owlpero]

I never wanted to go to a school dance until you showed up.

[count-pudding]

After Camlaan Arthur is back to Camelot, but not quite...

Or, Arthur from the future is trying to make everything right this time with some help (probably from the Triple Goddess and later from Merlin) and pretending to be oblivious to Merlin's magic and protecting him

(to be continued...)

(it was funnier in sketch i swear)

[devilledminion]

more stone + ivo dancing

[mewdoodles]

Now that I have some free time again I can finally post all my old sketches!! First up is Grillby!! 🔥

[skysmadness]

they were trying to use leader privileges (it didn't work)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

MDZS Severance AU: Get me out of here.

[kimtaegis]

A Taegi Series, pt. 7: personal space ❌ being attached at the hip ✅

cr. namuspromised, jung-koook, 0613data

[gemgdynamight0]

Idc what anyone says but Katsuki had the BEST and most interesting mentor-student relationships in the entire series. The set up and the developments are just perfect.

[saturnvs]

a study of a childhood photo :')

[fetidbog]

I find the Dark Dany conversation really confusing (and maybe part of this is because I haven't watched the show, and I think a lot of analysis of Dany's arc is wrapped up in trying to use the show as a barometer for where George is going to end up – which I don't agree with), because I feel like she already had her Dark Dany arc and the end of ADWD is her realization that compromising with the masters is bad! You can make no peace with slavery!

Her last two chapters seem really clear to me as a denunciation of compromise in the face of moral evil!

Here's her second to last chapter (when she's going to the re-opening of the fighting pits):

The "floppy ears" comment is in reference to the tokar, the outfit of the ruling (former slave owning) class. Brown Ben Plumm makes a joke that if you want to be king of the rabbits, you have to wear floppy ears, and so Dany refers to blending in with the ruling class (again, the former slave owners!) and adopting their customs as putting on her floppy ears. Here she describes how putting on the floppy ears, the symbol of her attempt to compromise with slavers!, will keep her cool and hide any blood splatters. But she also acknowledges little about this day shall please her – she knows the compromise is wrong.

Dany is upset that that so little has changed despite ending slavery. "One step, then the next, but where is it I'm going?" is Dany questioning herself about if she's taken the right approach to agreeing to reconstruct Meereenese society under the influence of/beholden to the whims of the former masters. Has she compromised her entire abolitionist project?

Dany witnesses Barsena's violent death in the fighting pits. The boar realizes he can't charge Barsena directly (much like how the masters of Meereen have changed tactics. Instead of fighting Dany directly, they are manipulating her into compromise, attempting to provoke and misdirect her, and waging violent guerrilla war from the shadows with the Sons of the Harpy).

Barsena is brave, but dies horribly in front of the crowd, and Dany is sickened. The sequence ends with her TAKING OFF HER FLOPPY EARS, the symbol of her compromise with slavers, because she can no longer ignore the violence of the fighting pits and the moral rot of appeasement.

She's realizing the depths of her mistake in compromising.

I am looking into hell (the fighting pits), but I dare not look away (instead of allowing Hizdahr and the rest of the masters to convince her to ignore the problem and lead her astray).

If I run from him, he will burn me and devour me (the moral consequences of compromising with slavers will destroy her.

And here's her final chapter (where she's wandering lost with Drogon):

"That was where she belonged, surely" – she's trying to convince herself that her place is in Meereen, back with her husband. She's telling herself to keep walking forward despite the previous chapter's quote about "one step, then the next, but where is it I'm going?"

I also think this part about Drogon is interesting – is she talking about the path of moral truth, that she shouldn't have bowed to whip or words (of the ruling class)? Or is she talking about the rot of slavery, that she can't turn the masters away from it if they do not wish to be turned?

And then! In this next paragraph she contradicts the previous statement, saying "Drogon had bent before the whip, and so must she"

But she believes that her place is in the arms of her noble husband, the husband who has pressured her to reopen the fighting pits, which she knows is evil, that's the realization she has in the last chapter! So she's conflicted here, and I think we're supposed to be taking away that she shouldn't do that. Her place is not there! She should not bend!

Then Dany describes the blisters she gets "from the way [she] walk[s]" a clear callback to the line in her last chapter "one step, then the next, but where is it I'm going?" – the path of compromise is quite literally hurting her!

Dany has to remember who she is – someone who abhors slavery, who doesn't compromise on her principles.

She's sick, dehydrated, hallucinating (and seemingly having a miscarriage), all alone at her lowest point, and finally she realizes Meereen is not her home and never will be! She cannot be a Harpy!!!

[tea-cat-arts]

Sometimes I wonder what Jiang Cheng could've become if his parents didn't instill a mix of "crippling fear of failure" and "impossibly high standards" in him. Cuz like, his dad was holding him to the vague standard of being as good as wwx, his mom yelling at him whenever he goofed around like wwx, and then both of them expressed disappointment when he's less successful than wwx. The thing both of them seem to ignore though is that wwx got where he is entirely because he had the freedom to fuck around and find out- he trained tirelessly because he made training fun for himself, he was innovative as a cultivators because he experimented and persisted through failures, and he was able to act in line with the Jiang clan moto because his actions had less political pull than members of the main family. Jiang Cheng on the other hand- if he fucked around he got told to "stop stooping to the level of servants." If his achievements were lesser than wwx's, he got either dismissed by his dad or yelled at by his mom to try harder. And if he picked fights with the Wens, they'd have an excuse to destroy his clan. Like ya- no shit that'd create an adult who's terrified of failure.

The kite game serves as such a good metaphor/embodiment of this set back- with Jiang Cheng never being able to shoot as far as Wei Wuxian because he pulls back and shoots closer the second he misses.

And its sad too because he's shown to be pretty brilliant when he's in "fuck it, we ball" mode. Like, when he's not freezing up, he manages to pull off things like rebuilding his entire clan from the ground up, leading armies and taking back territories from the Wens, and I'm fairly sure he's the only character we see counter the Lan music cultivation techniques (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on that last one. Also feel free to add any of the other cool shit he did that I'm blanking on at the moment, cuz I know I'm forgetting something).

That being said- even with his anxiety, he's still one of the top cultivators. Imagine what a force of nature he'd be if he could sustain "fuck it we ball" mode

[sadist-posting]

Every week I get an ask on my main blog that boils down to "do you believe in consent" or "do you like aftercare" and it's very disappointing to realize just how often people engage with kink content online without understanding the necessity of basic safety requirements and consent. These things should be framed as the bare minimum to a healthy and moral S&M scene or dynamic, not an unexpected bonus.

[wombywoo]

Introduction to Quinncent 101: a small guide for you all 🤗

[spacesheeeeeep]

Actually so tired that people mainly focus on the bdsm when they talk about La Pianiste when we literally have this dynamic right here. Like, that's insane.

What if you were a little girl in her 40's who couldn't grow up because of your mother-wife who made you sleep in her bed and forced you to repress every sexual desires and thoughts of becoming your own person just to keep you close to her ? What if you fought back and yearned for dangerous things out of her reach ? But also, what if you let her because it's all you've ever known and been taught to want ?

[sunlight-shunlight]

i don't have an excuse for this. woe. young solas be upon ye.