#I'm sure it's bene done

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

Clap Your Hands If You Believe (6x09) is such an insanely quotable episode. The entire episode is just pure gold. And WHAT IS THIS? I can make POLLS now? Well then...

[inkingtwice]

on the one hand i always bring the cart back but somebody has chosen an odd hill to die on here, on the other all i can think about right now is the gom jabbar and i can't stop laughing

[motherofdogs1010]

A Jedi in Arrakis II (Paul Atreides x Reader)

Summary: While on the run from Empire troops, Jedi padawan Y/N comes to find out that hyper-driving in a compromised craft can have some major setbacks when she discovers not only is on a new planet but a whole new galaxy as well...

Warnings: eventual 18+, eventual smut, pinv!sex, currently FLUFF, eventual NSFW, jedi!reader, simp!Paul, Bene Gesserit ideology, Bene Gesserit breeding ideology, spoilers for Dune I and II, angst, talks of questioning the Force and teachings

A/N: I am changing the timeline of the Dune plot and certain events

Dividers by @firefly-graphics Banner by @vase-of-lilies

Part I

A total of one month had passed since her arrival on Arrakis, the Duke have been kind enough to allow for her to stay with them. And during these few days, she had found Paul's company to be welcoming with the way he was intrigued about everything from the Force to her home on Naboo. It made her feel warm inside but she tried to ignore it, but she knew if Anakin was here, he'd been teasing her about it.

"What was that you did with the sandworm?" Paul asked, she looked at him.

"I used the Force", she answered with a frown. "Have you not heard of the Force?"

"No, never", Paul breathed, "it was... amazing. And what is that you carry?"

"It's my lightsaber", she answered as BB trailed next to her. "This is all so confusing, we are only a universe away and yet it's so different. This planet is really similar to Tattoonie and is very strong with the Force"

Paul let out a light chuckle in agreement, "it is. I would like to know more if you don't mind and tell you about Caladan, it's where I was raised."

"Of course", she said with a smile. "I'm only a padawan, if my Master was here, he'd probably get a big head and I'd love to hear more about your planet later."

"So, I'm assuming you're a student?"

"An apprentice, I don't become a Master until I am found ready to conquer the trials by the Jedi Council."

As she continued talking about the Force, the teachings, about Naboo, Paul seemed more interested as he listened intently and hanging off every word of hers. He did look over anxiously over at BB a few times before they came to one of the many loading bays at this compound as Paul asked, "can you really understand it?"

"BB? Yeah, anyone where I'm from understands basic droid language", she answered with a shrug. "BB's just a big goof, he's a prototype I was given."

BB let out a little offended noise and she patted his head.

"We have A.I. and robotics banned after we had a war with them", Paul said, she nodded.

"Atreides!" a booming voice declared and she saw a tall, tan skinned man with a big grin coming to Paul.

He looked like a warrior but the way Paul was excited to him let her know of the friendship the two had.

"Duncan", Paul said with a grin, "you're back from the South."

"With barely my life and oh! Who is this, Paul? A lady friend of yours", Duncan joked, she laughed. "I will say that those Fremen fight for blood."

"My name is Y/N and I... crash landed here when I hyper jumped", she said, BB whirled. "Oh and this is BB."

"I still don't understand how that is possible without Spice", Paul said. "You said Spice doesn't exist at all where you are from."

"I'm assuming my galaxy's technology is more advanced", she answered, "since we use droids and such, even our medicine is more advanced."

"Well, it is nice to meet you, Y/N, BB", Duncan said with a knowing grin, "I'm heading to my room to get some much needed rest."

Duncan turned and left with a grin as Paul watched as BB approached him, a finger poking BB on the head who let out a little war cry and began to bump Paul in the shins.

Paul had training to do and he had lend her to a quiet spot where she and BB could be, where she could focus on strengthening her Force training. Y/N had already done her lightsaber training, making sure she was still honing her skills even while on this odd planet.

"Ok, BB", she said, "let's get to it."

Sitting down with her legs crossed and her eyes closed, Y/N sucked in a deep breath and began to let her mind clear, remembering everything Anakin had told her and Ahsoka about being one with the Force. She had to empty her mind, allow herself to fully feel for the Force and as she evened out her breathing, she allowed for her mind and breathing to lull her...

🪐

The Reverend Mother had come earlier than expected and Lady Jessica found herself trailing behind her old teacher as the woman was scolding her for having birthed a son.

"What is this of a newcomer?" Reverend Mother asked. "I have heard whispers of a woman from another galaxy who possess odd abilities."

"She is no one", Jessica answered, "merely a lost traveler."

Jessica could feel the older woman's glare from behind the cage veil and felt like a student all over again.

"A lost traveler who held back a sandworm with a unseen power", Reverend Mother spat.

Jessica held back her emotions as she watched as a sudden thought passed over her mentor's eyes and Jessica felt unsure as to what she was thinking, but she held a hope it wasn't what she was thinking.

Had Paul been born a girl, he would have been married to na-Baron Feyd-Rautha of House Harkonnen, but Jessica had never intended to fall for Leto. It had been her greatest failure in the eyes of her Sisters when she chose to give Leto a son, that she chose to give her dearest love what he wanted: an heir.

At the time, her pride had made her even think Paul could become the Kwisatz Haderach, but now, she wasn't so sure and with the arrival of this strange girl, Jessica wondered.

She wondered if the Reverend Mother was plotting once again, she recognized that glint in the old woman's eye when she found a new individual to add to their growing breeding program.

Jessica tried to push down that curiosity and that anxiety that always seem to come when she thought about Paul's future.

🪐

"C'mon, Paul", Duncan encouraged, "focus. You need to always keep an eye on the enemy, it could mean life or death."

Paul nodded, "my mind was wandering, sorry."

The girl he had been dreaming about was here, he had first thought she could have been a Fremen with her garbs that she would sometimes be in the dreams, but no, she was from beyond their galaxy.

Paul sucked in a breath as he tightened his stance, trying to listen to Duncan's advice despite the way his mind was recalling the dreams.

The dreams where he could taste a unique drink as she smiled at him, it was a blue drink with the consistency of milk; another dream where they were here in Arrakis, the Spice in the sand glittering as they sat on a tall dune, watching a sandworm pass them by...

Arrakis was beautiful at night, Y/N concluded as she looked at the dark horizon; the air was cooler as she stood on the balcony. BB was in his hibernating mode to charge as Y/N was dressed in a thin nightgown meant for this weather, her robes folded up neatly as her hair hung loose from its hairstyle.

A knock came from her door and she sensed it was Paul, she walked over to the door and opened it.

"Paul", she greeted with a smile. "Shouldn't you be asleep? Being a Duke's son and such?"

"I wanted to talk more", Paul replied with a smile. "I decided my beauty sleep could wait a little longer."

"How kind of you", she joked, letting him in.

"I wanted to ask about your saber thing", Paul sheepishly said, "I've never seen anything like it and I wanted to ask more about you."

Y/N felt her eyes widen at Paul's statement about her, it made her heart thump in a way it hadn't before and she sheepishly looked away before moving to grab her lightsaber.

"It'd be too heavy for you to hold", she softly said, moving a bit aways so the heat of the saber wouldn't startle Paul. "Ready?"

Paul nodded with a boyish grin as she pressed the button, the hum of the lightsaber coming to life and the bright white of its color showing.

Paul looked at it amazed as she twirled it to show-off.

"How is it not heavy for you?" Paul asked.

"They train us from when we were young", Y/N said, "they give us little ones to get us used to the weight."

She shut the lightsaber off and put it on the dresser.

"Your galaxy seems so amazing", Paul softly said, walking in front of her. "I hope to see it one day."

"And Caladan sounds beautiful", Y/N replied back.

They were silent as they stared at one another, a small smile gracing Paul's lips as he said, "you look different with your hair down. I've never seen it."

"Oh", she said, flushed a bit. "Space Puffs are very popular on Naboo."

A strange feeling was in her chest, one that seemed to make her feel fuzzy and light as she stood in Paul's presence and she wondered if this is how Anakin felt when he saw Padme. One had to be a idiot to not see the glances the two gave one another.

"I better go back", Paul said after a minute, a boyish grin on his face. "If anyone saw me, they'd throw a scandal."

Y/N bite her bottom lip as she watched Paul leave and sucked in a breath as she contemplated these new feelings.

TAGLIST

@cloudlst

@khaleesihavilliard

@colors-for-the-world-please

[chosos-mascara]

girl

𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙞 𝙯𝙚𝙣'𝙞𝙣 𝙭 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 - after maki arrives in your home riddled in self-doubt, she learns your true feelings toward her.

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 - aged up!maki (25), making out, thigh riding, fem bodied reader.

1.8k words

"I hate her." 

When rage seized Maki, it had done so vigorously. She hadn't learned to handle the burning anger within her, though mostly due to upbringing. Although she'd found the strength to leave her family home while only 15, her twin had not forgiven her deep down. Another failed attempt at making amends with Mai, while Mai had only wished for retribution. Maki had tried her best at reconciling ten years on, but each attempt at forgiveness had been futile. 

The fact Maki had hidden a wavering voice yet could not mask the defeated expression and glassy eyes had meant that she had not been angry. Even if she'd attempted to come off with a strict hate and displeasure, you'd been able to see through the facade. Deep down, Maki was heartbroken. 

Rambling about the events just passed, she kicked her shoes at the door and made herself home. A small detail that made your heart melt; knowing Maki saw your house as a safe-haven. A place of comfort for her wounded heart. 

The truth had been, your love for Maki had been far beyond platonic. Although you hadn't been able to pinpoint a where and how, you'd been left to live through an infatuation with your best friend. Your caring nature had been reciprocated by her protective one, a dynamic in which you'd wished would stem into romanticism, yet wouldn't push the boundary of friendship. Time spent alongside her had your skin prickling and heart racing, nights alone picturing a future in which you'd find the confidence to confess the sin of love. 

When she'd paused in speaking, you'd realised you'd become lost in thought. Maki had awaited your response to her venting. Green eyes stared at you through desperation.  "I'm sorry, I know you wanted to make it work." 

Only a feeble attempt at reassurance had left your lips as the kettle came to boil, the click of the switch and bubble of water filling a heavy atmosphere. When pouring the liquid over tea, steam danced within the porcelain mugs. A temporary reprieve. 

You brought the mugs to the table, seating yourself beside her defeated form. She rested on a knee, foot placed on seat, the other leg in a natural dangling position. Once settled into the worn out wooden chair, a cup before both of you, she continued. 

"I just thought this time would be different." Her gaze dropped, fingers wrapping around the handle. "My own sister hates me." 

"You don't need her." Spoken with brisk pace, you made sure to snub the flames of self-doubt from her mind. Of course, her pain had been valid - a deep cut loathing bestowed so clearly from the Zen'in's had to harbor negativity within her core, but you wouldn't allow the seeds to grow into anything more. If Maki needed to be reassured of her worth, you would provide. Even if that had meant daily, or hourly, you'd be willing to support the girl you'd loved.

"Hm." Her hum of uncertainty had bene voiced into the mug of tea, a sip of warmth and exhale of relief, appraising the beverage's comforting tone. "How are you, anyway?" Her question had ended in reluctant eye contact, a flutter of heart beneath rib as you'd stare back into her soul.  "I'm fine, you know me." A nonchalant response, shrug of shoulders.

"That's it? Fine?" Maki sighed, a shake of her head. "I haven't seen you for weeks, and you have nothing to say?" She scoffed, a smirk of annoyance curving lips. "Don't act so humble. There has to be something you want to vent about." The sudden annoyance spurred on panic within you, mouth opening as your brain had attempted to throw together a response. "There's..." You trailed of in thought, grasping at straws. "A company party next week?" The raise of your voice had made the unsure statement more of a question, though Maki latched onto the topic, relieving you of stress. 

"That's it?" Her exhale had mimicked a laugh, shake of her head. "Why are you being so timid?" Uttered under her breath, she ignored the confusion and instead pushed you further. "At least tell me something more, what about that hot manager - Nanami? Did he make any more moves?" 

You giggled, tilting your head. "I'm not really interested."  "So, what? You're gonna be single forever?" Her pressure had been unwanted, an awkward position she'd twisted you into without comprehending the complicated emotions plaguing you. Opening up about a love life would result in honesty - that being the only person you'd liked in over a year had been her. Though, even before now, past relationships wouldn't work out, lovers seeing through doe eyes and softened expressions directed not to them, but instead your best friend. There was no way you'd find value in someone that hadn't been her.

"I don't mind so much." Brushing off her accusitory tone, you glanced to the mug cupped between palms, debating on whether to take a sip.  "What about Kugisaki?" She questioned you, eyes fixed on your defeated expression.  "No, I like someone else." 

Shit. 

"Really? You like someone? Are they a real person?" Maki smiled teasingly, brow arched in both disbelief and excitement. "Well, who is it?" 

You sat in silence, staring into the drink below you. Dying sunlight no longer reflected within the liquid, an orange glow cast over skin. You felt guilt toward Maki's enthusiasm, because you couldn't give her the answer she'd desperately wanted. Even if glancing to her expression had you considering telling the truth. She looked so pretty, after all. 

"It's no one, really." 

"I see." Maki's words were spoken quietly, a somber tone of defeat woven throughout her submission. She slumped back, finishing her tea while you'd been left to stare at your reflection within your untouched mug.  "I want to tell you, I just-" Closing you eyes, you curse your own childish behaviour. "I can't." 

Maki let out an exasperated laugh. "You're making it sound like it's me." 

For a second, you'd doubted that her words had been the ones you'd heard so clearly. The desperation of wanting to tell her, mixed with the beaten-down expression and your need to comfort her had seemingly created confidence. From your perspective, her crossed arms holding her own body so tightly had made it look as if she'd been hugging herself. Perhaps, she had been. 

Instead of sinking down further, denying the feelings you'd had and the ones she'd seemingly displayed if not a part of your own madness, you leaned toward her. Where words wouldn't suffice, you would still speak, fingers ghosting her cheek, face inching closer. There was some form of restraint as you'd grown only a centimeter away, a chance to allow her to voice disdain and push you away. Though, she'd only closed the gap. 

Your lips had locked with hers, a gentle kiss and quiet smack of lips echoing through the kitchen. You'd supported the questionable position you'd contorted yourself into in order to lean over and kiss her - an arm on the table and the other the back of her chair while squatting to hover over your own seat. You'd pulled yourself from her in order to apologize, however two burning palms cupping each cheek had brought you back to her. 

You'd been somewhat startled by the surge of courage she'd displayed, yet as you'd allowed the passion between you with lips molding against one another, movements became a frenzied show of affection. The controlling grasp she'd had set over your features had been brought rather aggressively downward, a tug over your sides to pull you atop her lap as lips parted further. Maki's tongue glided across your own shyly at first, a few flicks as if to test the waters between sloppy pecks. Though, spurred on by a limited taste of you, she'd been greedy to take more. Deeper, haphazard and messy kisses with an exchange of drool between both you and her had Maki's thighs clenching under yours, hands groping over your body as a desperate attempt for more contact. 

She'd rested her grasp over your hips to guide you into a rocking motion, a hum lost in her moth when you'd felt friction in the place aching for it the most. Somewhere between smooth skin gliding over hers, the phrase bedroom had been uttered, lips parting and reconnecting before parting once more to allow movement. With fingers laced, you rushed toward plush sheets, though once through the door, hunger met with you first. 

Her hands roamed you when kissing you again, slipping beneath the hem to clutch at clothes that needed to be discarded. T-shirt first, then the slip of waistbands, before the mattress sank with nude bodies intertwined. Maki straddled over one thigh while keeping on of her own pushed to your core. When leaning forward to place a kiss over your neck, her slick had rubbed over your leg, stifled moan lost against the curve of your shoulder. You'd felt every detail of her bare folds, wetness coating the fat of thigh as she ground her clit over you once more. 

A buck of desperation on your own part had suddenly relieved the ache within your abdomen, a throbbing need of friction. As Maki moved against you, back arching, her chest pushed against yours. With each movement, her nipples grazed yours, a lewd action of intimacy that had both you and her clenching over the other. You'd let a louder moan at the sensation, and she'd smiled into the kiss. A breathy laugh fanned over your cheeks as if to call you needy - something she'd done many times before, less so in this context. 

You'd whined over one another, drool coating glossy lips and pouring to surrounding skin. Kisses had become more an action of sucking over tongues, increasingly languid when focused on the rest of your body. Your hips juttered with less rhythm as you'd found yourself closer to release over her thigh, encouraged by the feeling of her cunt over your skin. 

"Maki..." Against her lips, a warning spoken. As your stomach sucked inward, you'd tried to hold out a little longer.  "Come with me." The whispered instruction had wavered on the last word as her mouth had widened, allowing tensed muscles to spasm when feeling your slick roll hurriedly against her, strangled moan echoing from your mouth. 

Maki allowed her release alongside yours, hums of appraisal shared with each roll and buck, a squeeze over the sheets with each wave of pleasure.

Only when she'd left the warmth beneath her to instead lay beside you, blanket pulled over each body and chests finally rising and falling at a normal pace had words been spoken. The weight of actions setting in, a small laugh as you'd commented. 

"I guess this means you like me too?" 

not proof read,sorry!!

[marymary-diva17]

A mother sacrifice (2)

Jake x tsu'tey x reader x neytiri

It has been a month since the family had been apart from each other, a long enough month to affect everyone in the family. As they were missing one family member that held them all together, and would listen to all the children when there was time of conflict at home. The mother that was left behind had home missed her children and her spouse, these time apart was testing her as a mother and wife. She was willing to sacrifice anything to make her family safe, even due they might mean being part from them even longer.

y/n " ........" you are looking at some old photos of your kids as you are missing them and your mates so much right now, this was supposed to make you feel better but they were making you feel sad right now.

spider " hey auntie y/n my dad wants to know ... are you okay" you soon heard spider coming into the room, and you soon wipe away your tears.

y/n " yes spider what the matter"

spider " I came to see if you need help my dad busy right now, and I'm not needed in the lab as it not safe"

y/n " well you can help me around here"

spider " you are missing are you"

y/n " yes honey I'm missing them and I hope they are okay it been a while since we last talked, and I worry about them all"

spider " I miss them as well auntie all my friends are gone and half of my make shift family"

y/n " well you still have me and your dad along with your many uncles and aunts"

spider " thank you auntie y/n"

y/n " now come on lets see if we can find a way on how we can be helpful from here, and maybe we might get some good news when we are done with our work"

spider " yes auntie"

y/n " also there is something I and your dad along with the scientist will love to show you, that might amaze you my boy"

spider " cool I can't wait and see" you soon walked off with spider to get to work with a small team of scientists, you will do anything for your children and mates along with the rest of your clan to make sure they were safe and sound.

awa'alu village

Jake " I think once we are good terms with tonowari and the other olo'eytahn we can ask them if y/n and the rest of the clan can come"

tsu'tey " good because after all these months without her are starting to stuck"

neytiri " yes I miss her as well and I think her absence is starting to get, to the children as well they miss her so much"

Jake " yes and they also seem to be missing spider as well, he is their friend"

neytiri "we can call her right ma Jake and see here to hear her"

Jake " don't know if safe neytiri if the rda gets hold of single they will come after her"

neytiri " I hate it I hate on how we left her like that and left many innocents as well, along without fighting for our home" neytiri had gotten mad soon standing up and looking out, toward the ocean she was looking in the direction of the forest.

neytiri " I miss her and I wish she didn't make this sacrifice alone, I wish she allowed me to stay with her"

tsu'tey " well all know she wouldn't allow that to happen that not our y/n"

Jake " she has always been like this remember when she was pregnant with lo'ak and got mad at you two of following her, like she was fragile child" soon neytiri and tsu'tey had laugh as they was so true, they felt some happiness but that soon ended when kiri came into the home mad.

neytiri " kiri"

kiri " I hate these stupid reef boys they are stupid and rude, eywa has cursed with then stupidity" soon the two other kids had came into the home neteyam and lo'ak seem like they were in a fight, and tuk seem confused.

Jake " what happened"

neteyam " there was fight aonung and his friends were bullying kiri and insult our family"

lo'ak " they need to learn they can't bully our sister or insult or family" all three adult had sighed they knew they need you here, kiri had her back turn to everyone as she was upset . The boys were looking at tie father.

mo'at " tuk tuk come with me and help me"

tuk " okay grandma" tuk had bene taken by mo'at which made matter easier at the moment, but things were going to g soft very quickly and lead to more family conflict for the rest of the day.

later that night

Jake " look I know kids this has been a difficult day for us all" the kids were not speaking after the whole fight, it soon lead to awful and dangers prank played on lo'ak which end up in dangerous situation. there seem to be tension between lo'ak and his parents as they were not on his side right now.

lo'ak " I wish mama was here"

tsu'tey " lo'ak we don't need anymore fights right now it been a long day"

lo'ak " well at least when mom here she will defend me and hear us all out, verse picking sides"

neytiri " enough no more fighting"

Kiri “ when mama was her everything was better and same with spider he my best friend,I hate that they couldn’t come with us” the three adults soon sighed at the whole situation.

Jake “ looks kids we are going to do our best to get your mama home with us, and everyone else but we need to wait”

Tsu’tey “ you are the only one who miss her we miss her as well”

loak “ I’m sorry for yelling”

Jake “ it okay son your were just voicing your feelings at all”

neytiri “ now let’s eat and maybe if we are lucky we can do flight or swim” the children soon nodded their heads and agreed on the matter, the family ate their meal and spent the night as a family. They did miss you so much and knew you had made this sacrifice for them to be safe, and they will do same if they were in your position. As that night the family came up with an idea to get you to be back with them, so they all can be a family again.

[triluvial]

There are whispers, stirrings.

There are rumours that Arrakis' control - for so long solidified in the pearlescent hands of the Harkonnen family - was wavering. That the emperor was already seeking out a replacement family.

Their first hint of this was Duke Leto reaching out and flat out telling them that the emperor had offered his family control over Arrakis and the entire imperial spice trade. While the Baron pretended very, very hard that this wasn't information that was blindsiding the entire family, Leto went onto explain that he didn't want to move off of safe, plentiful Caladan while the mother of his children was so, profoundly pregnant. Duke Leto doesn't want to start any shit with the Harkonnens either, so he wants them to hear the truth from him even though "I'm sure you're up to your ears in reports from your network of spies."

There was no network of spies. Who tf would risk their lives for a house that would be twice as likely to kill them themselves? Baron Vladimir successfully pretends otherwise for the rest of the video call.

However, that gives the Baron an idea of how to proceed. They can't trust the Atreides on their words, but they cannot ignore such a serious warning.

However, it would all be too suspicious - if the risk of losing the control of spice was real - for random Geidi Prime natives to show up at the Emperors home. He had a truthsayer, and they couldn't exactly blend into a crowd. But there was a better plan, they would join with a different house, one friendly with the Emperor and be invited alongside them to the Emperor's side. It would be an insult for the Bene Gesserit assistant to the crown to start questioning the staff of a beloved guest.

So Feyd joined a small battalion. Not even as the leader, though he could hear the other men shifting in anxiety whenever he sighed in a specific way over the general's decisions. And they were sent to bring that month's trading products from Pallosan III to Geidi Prime.

Feyd and his team arrive late on purpose. The ruling family had no choice but to offer to let them stay the night. They humbly accept, feigning the quiet servitude that Harkonnen servants are famous for.

Under the cover of darkness, they fake a break in. They fake an assassination attempt. Then the eight, perfectly normal Harkonnen servants fight off the attackers before the citadel's alarms are even raised.

Reader's family is overjoyed. Baron Harkonnen is even more overjoyed to receive and approve their request for the eight 'heroes' to stay on Pallosan Three until the reason and origin of the assassination attempt is found and eliminated. Vladimir is so glad that his people could be of use to such dear, treasured allies, and if his heir had been there Feyd could have probably fought off the assassins single handedly, but it's good that the relatively unskilled fighters managed on their own.

This bolsters the Harkonnen reputation, not only is their noble family incredibly dangerous but even normal servants sent to transport food are more skilled than most family's trained guards.

Feyd knew this would be a long mission. He'd never done anything like this, but a Harkonnen had to be present to make hard decisions and he was the least-recognisable of the three ruling members of the family.

Three weeks later there's a real break in. It probably wasn't an assassination attempt but as he is the only one alive when the guards and royal family come running in after the alarms go off, Feyd can tell whatever story he wants.

Later that day, the youngest princess comes and brings Feyd a drawing of him in thanks. He's monstrously tall, towering over a terrible depiction of the citadel. The sun is black, apparently the only thing the child knew about Geidi Prime.

Feyd looks over the shoulder of the child at where her older sister was standing. Then he feigns being moved by the drawing. He's rewarded by two smiles, one gap-toothed and the other as beautiful as the dawn. He feels his stomach flip awkwardly. He folds up the drawing and puts it inside his armour.

"You made her day, you know." Princess Irulan's closest friend says, sitting next to Feyd as he sharpens his sword later that afternoon. "She's right now bugging our captain of the guards so that he'll teach her swords so she can be a Harkonnen when she grows up."

"Uh..." Feyd manages.

"Of course, that's not how it works, but she's young." She allows, and she's sitting close enough that Feyd can tell her dress isn't just solid blue but actually embroidered in the same colour with shiny silk thread. "You're an amazing warrior, the Baron said only his na-Baron was skilled enough to fight an assassination team alone but you were barely sweating."

Reader runs a hand down his bare arm, as if to demonstrate where the sweat would be. Feyd has had sex with his harpies on his balcony, where any citizen could look up at them. Yet, somehow this makes him feel more exposed.

"I have to leave the citadel tomorrow and I know it's during the time that you normally train but I wanted to ask if you, or some of your friends would accompany me for safety. I cannot order you as you are all just guests here, but with two attempts on my life I am a little frightened." Reader either smooths her dress down, or wipes her sweaty palms on her skirt - Feyd isn't sure which.

"You know my training schedule?" Feyd asks, a grin on his face. He'd never seen her watching him train with his men but from the maroon flush on her cheeks he was now sure that she had.

Reader looks down, embarrassed. And that's when Feyd remembers he is not the Harkonnen heir right now, able to flirt and propose to any highborn woman he sets his heart on. He's a lowly servant and may as well be an earthworm pining after Shai-Hulud.

This is going to end in tears.

He agrees to go.

Ok this was supposed to be a quick idea where Feyd had to pretend to be a commoner while spying on Reader and her family, and Princess Reader fell for him while thinking they could never be together but the uhhhh political thriller explanation for why he was spying got a little out of hand. That's my bad. (also Political powerhouse Reader is maybe my fave trope atm as evidenced by 1, 2, 3 and now 4)

[skythighs]

Calista's Dream

Hi there, this is my first ever attempt at writing and posting anything on Tumblr. I won't lie it's a bit intimidating. However, I decided to give it a try. I love Feyd so much that I was compelled to go for it. This will be a series. I'm not sure how long yet. I wont be following the Dune storyline fyi. This part is in 3rd person but the rest will not be done this way, it just happened and I couldn't stop it lol.All of pictures from my collage are from pintrest and I don't claim them as my own I just put them together for a little vibe.

word count:1.9k

Introduction

10175 AG

“A girl! Your Grace, a healthy baby girl.” called Dr Yueh.

The rolling thunder was all the louder in the silent room. The Red Duke found himself confused, disappointed and yet joyous. He had begged Jessica for a son and yet here he stood father to a daughter. Jessica watched him closely from the birthing bed. She was covered in sweat and utterly relieved her duty was done. 

“Come name your daughter Your Grace.” Said Lady Jessica calmly.

Duke Leto walked across the room slowly and gracefully as if he didn't feel the floor falling out from under his feet. Jessica held the girl snuggly against her chest. The babe was resting peacefully; she hadn't even cried as she made her way into the world. 

“Is she well?” Inquired Duke Leto hesitantly. 

“She is quite healthy. Small but strong.” Answered the doctor. 

Jessica passed the child into his arms. Only once wrapped securely in his arms did she open her big gray eyes. His heart skipped a beat and he was overwhelmed with unconditional love for his daughter. Although she isn’t the son he asked for, she was perfect. His perfect daughter and he would cherish her until his dying day.

“Calista. Calista Atreides.”

“A lovely name.” Said Lady Jessica, smiling to herself.

“It means most beautiful, because she surely is the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. Thank you Jessica, for giving me more than I could have imagined.”

Calista Atreides came with one of the biggest storms in Caladan’s history and much like a storm she was the calm that inevitably followed. 

Leto happily announced her birth and named her his heir leaving many shocked at his decision. He could still have sons even if Lady Jessica wasn’t willing to give them to him, but he was content. Now that he had Calista he didn’t want anything. She was enough, she was a part of him and he was proud. His love for Jessica grew tenfold knowing that she had given him such a gift. 

Thufir Hawat was adamant the Duke reconsider naming his daughter as heir to House Atreides. He came up with endless possibilities of such a thing ending catastrophically whenever he tried to calculate a better outcome none came forward. 

“My Duke, she could be taken away and trained by the Bene Gesserit. She would not be a true Atreides then. She would be one of them.”

Leto considered this and simply informed Thufir his beloved daughter would never be taken from Caladan while there was breath in his body.

By 10185 The Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam arrived on Caladan unannounced no less stating urgent business for Lady Jessica in the middle of the night. The Reverend mother wanted to lay eyes on the girl herself. For she could barely accept that Jessica defied her most beloved Duke.

After formalities and respects were paid. Gaius demanded to be brought to Calista Atreides.

Lady Jessica led her through the corridors silently. Neither of them spoke for they both knew the true meaning of this visit. This mere girl would bring forth the Kwisatz Haderach, and she must undergo proper training despite the Duke's wishes to keep her home.They reached the girls chambers and Jessica opened the door as quietly as possible. However when they looked upon her the child was not asleep. She was looking right at them from the comfort of her many blankets and pillows.

“Cali, there is someone you must meet.” Lady Jessica coaxed her from under the mountain of blankets.

Calista sat up and looked at the Reverend mother in the doorway. She felt a strong dislike for the old croon right away. Feeling such a strong aversion to the woman she tensed once she saw her step over the threshold into her bedroom. 

“You look like a viper ready to strike, child. Why?” Asked the old woman her crows feet deepening.

Cali looked at her mother with a question in her innocent brown eyes. Eyes that were once gray like Letos.

“Speak freely Calista. Lies will do you no justice here.”

“I saw you once before, in a dream..in a nightmare.”

Mohiam lifted her head, not surprised by the revelation.

“And what happened in this nightmare?”

“I only remember the start and the finish of the nightmare. You take me away from my home, from my father.”

Jessica stroked her daughter's thick wavy hair. Hair as black as Leto's own.

“What else?” prompted Jessica.

“I die. I die before my time.”

A deafening silence fell upon the three of them.

“How do you die?”

“Bloody and split open, before my child can take his first breath, before he can live.”

Jessica gasps. Calista never mentioned any such dream to her. She saw the boy, the Kwisatz Haderach, the one she was made to bring forth into the world. The poor girl was only ten years old, and yet she knew she would die in childbirth if taken by the sisterhood. 

“And this all stemmed from you being given formal training by the sisterhood? How do I know this isn’t some ploy for you to stay on Caladan.”

“Lies would do no justice here Reverend mother. If what I said was untrue you would know.”

The finality in the statement of a mere child felt too confounding, too absolute. At only ten years old, a babe to this infinite existence of time and space this child carried an air of understanding. 

The truth of the matter was Gaius Helen Mohiam intended on taking Calista this very night to begin training as a Bene Gesserit sister. At ten years old, she had already spent too much time with her parents on caladan when normally she would have been taken during infancy to assure the best outcome of her purpose. However, this was different. She was the Duke's heir, and she was the mother of the Messiah, and somehow, leaving Caladan this night would assure her doom and that of their long-awaited plans. Not only would she die in childbirth, but so would her son. 

“You may stay here child, your mother will train you herself, but you must know you will leave Caladan one day never to return.”

“My mother told me you can’t see the future.”

Ah, there it was the Atreides defiance. Mohiam thought and with that she returned to her no ship leaving Calista tucked away safely in her bed. Her training wasn’t worth the life of all that they had waited for. Jessica was skilled enough to train her here from the comfort of Caladan, it would do.

Calista Atreides was her father's daughter. She was much more Leto than Jessica in every way that counted. She was born an Atreides, and perhaps she would die that way too, but one thing was certain she would never be a part of the sisterhood.

That very same week Leto informed Gurney to begin training Cali in combat. Ten years old was plenty old enough to learn self defense.

“Okay little duchess I want you to mimic my movements as best you can. Like this. “ he demonstrated some simple stances and movements for her to follow. She did so with ease.

“Excellent form Cali, you're a natural. Now I want you to use the movements I've shown you and strike me here.”  he pointed to his padded chest. Small but mighty indeed she fought with everything she had. He didn't even have to coax it out of her. 

“Your father will be very proud to hear of your progress Cali.”

“When will we use swords Gurney?” He smiled at that and the large scar on his face rippled.

“One thing at a time little lady. One thing at a time.”

As the years went on Calista mastered hand to hand combat as well as sword fighting which was led by Duncan Idaho. The discipline needed for sword fighting didn't come as naturally as hand to hand but with time and practice she got there. Her small stature allowed her to move quickly and efficiently. Striking fast and moving away from danger was her usual tactic. 

Over the years she did train with her mother Lady Jessica in the arts of the sisterhood however her heart was not in it as it was with her combat training. Along with combat and Bene Gesserit skills she was taught history, linguistics, and politics at an extensive level. 

When she was just thirteen her father received an order from Emperor Shaddam IV stating she was to be betrothed to Feyd Fautha Harkonnen, the Na Baron of Giedi Prime. He was just one year her senior and already quite the capable Harkonnen if the rumors were to be believed. He was vicious for one so young and Leto feared what would become of his precious Calista. A knock on his study door broke him from his deep thoughts.

“Father, can I come in?”

“Come in Cali, there's something I want to discuss with you.”

His dark haired dark eyed daughter walked to him still in her training clothes. She was still small for her age but her eyes held a wisdom he could never understand. 

“I’ve just received word on your betrothal from the Emperor himself. You are to wed Feyd Rautha Harkonnen on your twentieth birthday. In just six short years I will have to part with you- only for a time.”

“Feyd Rautha. I’ve heard of him, he is my age ,and the Barons chosen heir over his elder brother Glossu Rabban.”

“Yes my darling girl. You are very well informed on these matters it seems.” He pulled her to his armrest so she could sit with him.

She put her small hand on his cheek.

“You look very troubled by this news father. Why?”

“The Emperor forcing my hand in this makes it feel as though you’re a sacrificial lamb being led to slaughter.”

He squints his eyes as he looks at her. He wasn’t sure why he said such a thing to his own daughter but he couldn’t help being truthful at this moment, he would never lie to himself so he would grant her the same courtesy.

“I am no lamb, father. I am you. Feyd Rautha Harkonnen will have no choice but to treat me according to my station. I am a Duke's heir in my own right. I am your heir, your beloved Calista. Do not fear, fear is the mind killer.”

He smiled hearing her mirror her mothers words.

“You are me. I would like to increase your combat training. You’ve made incredible progress these last few years, but when you leave the comfort of your home I want to be certain no matter what the Harkonnen intend, you can hold your own.”

“Size doesn’t matter, skill matters, heart matters. Any man that mistakes me for a lamb will pay with his life.”

“Now you sound like Gurney.”

He kissed his daughter's forehead and sent her on her way. He had to send his reply to the Emperor. He would accept the betrothal with conditions of course. Feyd Rautha would court her properly and he would meet her family face to face on her home planet a month before the wedding. It was not much, but at least it was something.

[the-guilty-writer]

What's in a Nickname?

Request: from @doctorsteeb

Okay okay one more in case the last one was too specific—

Rossi!daughter coming home from college or from traveling abroad?

David Rossi x daughter!reader

Summary: A stop by your dad’s office leaves the BAU with a few questions… Some of them are more sentimental than others.

A/N: I couldn’t not write this after the idea popped into my head and this request gave me free reign to work with. If you didn’t look up what the nickname was for the reader in my other recent rossi!daughter fic you will know by the end. And yes, this nickname will absolutely stick for rossi!daughter reader from here on out unless I get a specific request not to include it because we all know if Rossi had a daughter this nickname would be canon.

CW: lots of italian... like I went a bit overboard on this one so here are translations: rompere le scatole = literal translation is “to break boxes” but it is slang for getting on someone’s nerves. Non avere peli sulla lingua = literal translation is “not to have hair on the tongue” which is slang for tell the truth. la goccia che ha fatto traboccare il vaso = literal translation for “drop that made the vase overflow” equating to the straw that broke the camel's back. Ti voglio bene = “I love you” used for family and close friends. Mio passerotta… you’ve gotta read until the end to find this one out for yourself.

---

“I never thought I would actually miss sitting in traffic,” you said, a smile on your face.

You were finally home after a semester abroad in Jamaica. Having always lived in a city, it was nice to be close to the ocean and wildlife and small towns, but after five months you were ready to return to the concrete jungle that was Washington, DC.

Your dad, on the other hand, was rather grumpy about the back up on the highway. “I’ll remind you of that next week when you say that the traffic is rompere le scatole.” He looked down at his watch and hesitated. “Do you mind if I-”

“Stop by the office?” You finished for him. You didn’t hate the idea of stopping by work with your dad, but you would have much rather gone home to eat a nice warm meal.

“If it’s not okay I understand,” he said. “Non avere peli sulla lingua.”

For a second, you thought about his words. “It’s fine,” you told him, then held out a singular finger. “But only if you make pasta tonight.” David Rossi might have been a master at hostage negotiation, but you were a master at dinner negotiation.

“Certo, mio passerotta,” he said as he turned onto the exit towards Quantico.

---

“Hey,” Derek walked into the bullpen, a cup of coffee in his hands even though it was nearly 5 PM. “Anyone know who is in Rossi’s office?”

“Rossi, I assume,” Emily said. She glanced up at the open office door where you were sitting. “Well that’s definitely not Rossi.”

“Maybe she’s a groupie?” JJ suggested.

“I don’t think a groupie would have made it past security,” said Reid without looking up from his book.

“BAU team,” Hotch walked into the bullpen with a file in hand, Rossi in tow, and Garcia trailing closely behind. “We have a case.”

The rest of the team headed to the conference room, but Rossi walked to his office to deliver the news to you that pasta might not be happening that night.

---

“You’re sure this is okay with you?” Your dad asked. “I don't want this to be la goccia che ha fatto traboccare il vaso-”

You cut him off with a wave of your hand. “I'm sure. Pasta can happen another night. Stopping a serial killer cannot.”

The team filed out of the conference room- the case was an emergency one, which meant the full briefing would be done on the jet, but they couldn’t help overhear the conversation you were having with your father.

“Ti voglio bene, papa.” You wrapped him in a hug.

He returned it, holding you tight. “Ti voglio bene, mio passerotta.”

You had to pry yourself out of your father’s arms to get him to let go. With a kiss on the forehead and a reminder not to drink his expensive wine, he sent you on your way home and went into his office to pack up his briefcase.

“Rossi has a daughter?” Emily smiled a bit and looked around at Morgan, Reid, JJ, and Garcia in confusion. “Did any of you know?”

“I had no idea,” JJ said as she and the rest of the team watched you leave.

“What’s everyone looking at?” Hotch said from behind them as he exited his office. They all startled at their boss’s sudden appearance.

“Rossi’s daughter that none of us knew existed,” Garcia admitted, still surprised.

“Oh yes, that’s (Y/N),” Hotch said. “She’s been studying abroad but decided to spend this summer with Dave instead of her mother.”

“Which wife?” Morgan joked.

“Actually, her mother is a close friend from college.” Rossi said. Once again, the team jumped in surprise. “We both wanted a kid, but she didn’t want to deal with too many lawyers and I didn’t want to deal with someone not understanding that I have an inflexible job. It worked out for both of us. Now if we’re done talking about my personal life, I think we have a murderer to catch.”

Rossi and Hotch walked out of the bullpen, leaving the team to stand around awkwardly for just a moment before remembering they had a flight to catch.

---

The case was fast and successful, but after being awake for nearly 24 hours straight most of the team was asleep- all except for Reid and Prentiss who were playing chess in the most quiet corner of the jet.

“How’d you know she was his daughter?” Reid asked as he moved his queen.

“It was a pretty easy inference,” said Emily as she calculated her next move, carefully watching how Reid had strategically placed his knights. She captured one. “She called him papa. I figured she had to be his daughter.”

“What does it mean?” Reid moved a bishop forward.

“What does what mean?” Emily moved one of her pieces without thinking.

Reid captured a pawn in her confusion. “He called her mio passerotta. You smiled when he said her nickname. What does it mean?”

Emily’s mouth twitched slightly up at one corner and moved a rook before leaning back in her seat. “My sparrow,” she said, a melancholy tone to her voice. “Mio passerotta means ‘my sparrow.’”

Reid looked down, a small smile gracing his face before going back to the board and putting Emily’s king in check with a move his mentor had used against him many years before.

[eightyonekilograms]

I'm sure there is awful discourse about this somewhere I thankfully haven't seen it, but one other thing I'll say about Dune Part 2 is that it might be one of the best examples of "giving the female characters more agency in the adaptation than they had in the original", which has been done in cringey and hackneyed ways many times but here is pulled off very well. Jessica is much more overtly sinister and manipulative here than in the book, which maybe bothers some people but I think gives her a lot more to do and be. The book had a lot of her telling-without-showing that she had conflicting loyalties, but her actual narrative function was mostly to be ordered around the Bene Gesserit in the first half and Paul in the second half. Not to mention the [spoiler]-y change, which I agree with @femmenietzsche's comment probably could have been written a bit better but I think narratively was so much better I kinda want it backported to the book.

[avelera]

i have been CHEWING GLASS ever since i saw the paul/feyd in dune 2 it's incredible

YASSSS

Ok so, real talk, I'm not gonna say it was like.... super textual in the film to the extent I would have adored, ONLY because they actually did Chani/Paul some phenomenal justice by giving her something to do (be his own rebellious conscience) rather than just... be his biddable concubine/true love/mother of his children once she's done being his cool Fremen girlfriend like in the books. SO that broke my heart and was 100% great

BUT OK OK OK JUST.... LEMME RANT ABOUT THIS FOR A SECOND

Because Paul was SUPPOSED to be Feyd's wife! THEIR child was supposed to be the Kwisatz Haderach! Paul is a generation early and he is, in fact, NOT FULLY THERE and BLAMES the fact he can never have perfect knowledge on the fact he is, in fact a generation TOO EARLY on the whole inbreeding program

(which makes the fact they captured some of Feyd's genetic material in the film as a deviation SO INCREDIBLY INTERESTING to me like that is actually a HUGE (and sensible!! why DIDN'T the bene gesserit do that in the books???) change and I'm dying to know if anything comes of it because it's HUGE)

So all I'm saying is like... the potential for fandom to Do Its Thing with Feyd/Paul, REGARDLESS of how much on screen chemistry they actually have (your mileage may vary, their moments were certainly charged but I didn't get the shipper Ping from them locking eyes or anything). Would be amazing just... man there is so much there.

Feyd/Paul are literally Destined Soulmates in a very real way, if not for their gender, but this was written by a straight white dude in the 1960s so I'm sure modern fandom can do much more with the potential of this ship than Herbert could ever conceive of

[002yb]

absolutely obsessed with your infertile!dickjay hcs!! but also curious about your take on a kind of opposite au: any thoughts on dickjay accidental pregnancy 👀👀

Thank you so much, anon!! You're so sweet. I've written up two accidental pregnancy scenarios below just for you~ I hope you enjoy!! (´∀｀)♡

Mistaken Infertility leading to Accidental Pregnancy 👀

Honest to goodness, they both wholeheartedly believe that children aren't in their futures. So when Jason gets pregnant he's very much alarmed because how the fuck.

Dick, too, is lost because how. Also, who?

And Jason doesn't take offense to that, given their circumstances, but he swears it's only Dick. It's only ever been -

Jason being spooked and concerned that Dick won't react to the news well. And Dick is reeling, for sure. But only because they're pregnant? Yes. They're going to have a pup? If Dick wants to.

And Dick - even if he thought he could, he would have never actively tried, but now that it's here and happening? The fact that this is a miracle aside, Dick could never not want to do this.

His smile is brilliant, devastating. They're having a pup. A litter? A pup! ANd that reaction. That pure joy gives Jason so much peace of mind and assurance; it soothes so many of the fears and stress Jason would have been battling with.

Dick taking Jason's face in his hands, squishing Jason's cheeks as he kisses him. It's little more than a peck before Dick is on his knees marveling Jason's stomach and Jason can't help the sputtered laugh as his abdomen receives a similar kiss. He's peppered with them until Jason falls to his knees too and they hug each other and it's sweet.

Proud papa!Dick telling everyone about their pup, about how Jason is going to be a mom and Dick gets to be a dad. It both embarrasses Jason and makes him all warm

Intense family of bats going feral over the news because it's Dick and Jason's pup and it's the first pup their pack will get and Bruce in particular is intense because he's gonna be a grandpa, a grandpalpha? He's happy. Hugs for his boys. Especially because he knows they were convinced they would never have the option, the choice.

Jason being genuinely happy to be having a pup with Dick, but pregnancy is a long standing fear of his so Jason is stressed; Dick is there with him though. He's terrified of being a dad - as terrified as he is thrilled. They're in this together though; they've got one another. And their pack who won't leave them alone. Just them working through insecurities together and it's lovely.

So many belly kisses. Jason gets annoyed with it because hello, he's still here too. Dick laughing but smothering Jason with affections until Jason shoves him away because ugh alphas

Refraining from the angst route but please do know that my default for Jason in these sorts of routes never fails to go tragic I'm just - o(-( the pain it hurts good

Extra Unplanned Pregnancy without the Infertility Storyline 👀

Where Dick has a no strings attached one night stand with Jason

It's literally a one-time casual encounter, one time; a quick one and done fling where they both let off steam and resolve a ridiculous amount of UST between them it's good

Contrary to popular belief, Dick isn't actually the sort to do that kind of thing. Despite any efforts, he's a traditional alpha; something he's been playfully teased about by friends

So for him to do this? He's a little proud of himself ngl.

But lbr Dick fails at casual right away because he's already thinking about doing it again. Consistently. A committed friends with benes situation where they don't see other people

Anyway, Dick is happy with how everything played out. Feels better than ever.

Relationships never end well for him, but this thing he fell into with Jason? They both left happy and no one got hurt in the end.

Little does he know 👀

And then from Jason's side:

Jason turning up on Dick's doorstep, agitated as all get out

Dick, hopeful and eager for a reprise because Jason doesn't just visit him out of the blue like this

And seriously right on the doorstep Jason just bluntly blurts out that he's pregnant. It's Dick's.

And Dick is just (ʘ‿ʘ) ???? because of course this couldn't be casual of course something like this would happen what in the goddamn omg okay this is fine but no it's not because Jason is clearly freaking out but so is Dick what do what ahhhhhhhh (internal)

Continuation to the above because Dick absolutely going through the full range of emotions from denial to acceptance; panic to excitement - all the feelings but ultimately tempering himself because Jason is very clearly going through his own thing and Dick needs to be there for him first and foremost as the baby daddy

Then it follows the usual storyline of the two of them deciding on what to do which is a rollercoaster of ups and downs and do we keep or not but what if this that and the other and they fall in love along the way and it's just a good time.

[lovelytsunoda]

boy in love // clement novalak (mini fic)

summary: when marcus asks clem about the current state of his love life, they were all pretty shocked at the frenchman's answer

warnings: mentions of sex/kinks, nothing too explicit. clement is just a boy in love <3

author's note: this is so fucking self indulgent bye-

"so, clem, how's y/n?" james harvey blair is the first to ask, popping another bottle of wine open. they hadn't started filming yet, the boys wanted a chance to catch up before they brought the cameras and the microphones out.

"she's good. great, actually. she had some stuff she needed to get done today, but i'm going to see her tonight. we're going book shopping, and then getting dinner." the trident driver hummed, reaching for his wineglass.

marcus armstrong coughed, choking on his drink. "you, in a bookstore? i don't even think i've ever seen you read an entire ladbible post!"

clement rolled his eyes as the guys around him laughed. "yeah, okay, laugh all you want. she was going to go on her own and meet me for dinner later but i insisted on joining her."

everybody had been shocked when clement met y/n. she was so shy and quiet and sweet, and clement was. . . well . . . clement. they had personalities that shouldn't have worked but somehow managed to meld together perfectly.

clement novalak was a boy in love. further in love, in fact, than marcus had ever seen him.

"yeah, but it's always the quiet ones, innit?" liam lawson raises an eyebrow, spreading himself out on the couch. "she's gotta be into something wild, otherwise she'd never be able to keep up with you."

they should have known that liam was going to make the conversation go there. it seemed to be the only part of having a relationship that liam was good at, as of late, with a different girl in each new city before he finally found one that put up with his shit for more than ten hours at a time.

"come on, mate. at the end of the day, that's not really any of our business, is it?" james tried in vain to shut the conversation down. "as long as clement is happy, we should be happy for him."

"it may shock you wankers to know," clement began, setting his glass on marcus' coffee table. "that i have mellowed out sexually since y/n and i have started going out."

"those are words i thought would never come out of your mouth." marcus says, finally taking a seat next to liam on the couch. "are you sure you're actually clem, not an alien from another planet?"

"very funny, armstrong. i'm serious. she's not really into anything, if i'm being honest. the first time we tried to take things a little rougher, when i tried to put a little bit of pressure on her throat, not much, just enough that we could both tell it was there, you should have seen the panic in her eyes. and i just knew that i never wanted to be the person who made her feel like that again."

"does it not get boring?" liam gawked

clement shook his head. "we have our ways of keeping it fun."

"care to share it with the group?"

clem laughed. "i'm not sure how much she's comfortable sharing, mate. i'm not trying to cross any boundaries here. but i'll precursor it with this: have you ever worn silk boxers before?"

the laughter in the room was so loud that marcus wondered if he might get noise complaints. clement wasn't sure what was so funny, but the sheer look of horror on liam's face was enough to make him burst out into laughter along with everyone else.

"i'm serious, mate. she goes wild for that sort of cliché romance kind of stuff. this feels different than every other girl i've bene with has. it's more than just a physical thing when we fuck. it's like we're making love, it's a spiritual thing. i have never felt so emotionally close to another person before."

"and that's called character development." james remarked, reaching for the wine bottle. "does anyone want another glass?"

"i think i'm going to need one if this conversation keep going." liam jokes

"please tell me that she at least gives a decent blowie."

clement's face flushed pink. "dude, i am not answering that! why are all of your questions about sex, seriously? wouldn't you rather hear about how warm and fuzzy i feel when i wake up with her in my arms, or how my knees go weak when she smiles? or about how my perception of an awesome friday night has changed from getting shitfaced with you lot to curling up with her on the couch, sharing a bowl of pretzel chips and watching criminal minds re-runs? or how content and relaxed i feel listening to her read her books out loud?"

especially when the romance books get smutty, he thinks, but doesn't say it out loud. those are always the page numbers he remembers so that they can try reenacting the scenes together later.

james and marcus shared a knowing look. it was a feeling that they knew well.

the feeling of being utterly and madly in love.

"i think i'm in love with her, man. no, wait. i don't think it."

"i know it."

[bupia]

Smut prompt: 19 with Primo - but only if you can also go with the head cannon that he his THE most hung Papa. Like, terrifyingly huge 😂

Inexperienced Smut Prompts: Primo, Papa Emeritus I

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

A/N: Huh!? This is not even a speculation, it's a FACT, of course I can go with it, but Primo is so sweet for me, so forgive me for that if you were expecting a very nasty Papa. Also, this is a little bigger than I thought it would be.

There's a smut under the cute, +18 only, please. [fem!reader] (oral sex: f-m; Primo has a big one on this so there're mentions of gagging)

"Take it off," Primo said, pointing at you.

Slowly, you lift up your habit, pulling it over your head, throwing it aside. You were totally exposed in front of him. He was sitting on his chair on the other side of his desk. He looked at your naked body, like if he was studying every inch of it.

"Come, sorella," he commanded.

You walked in his direction, trying to hide your unclothed body with your arms and hand. It was hard not to feel a little but shy being totally uncovered in front of your Papa.

"You can sit on my lap if you wish." He suggested, with a warm smile on his lips.

He offered you his hand and you took it, letting him help you down onto his lap.

"Thank you, Papa." You said, facing him.

"Prego, sorella," he said, in a composed tone. "So, tell me, did you mean it?"

Earlier today, you made a prompt visit to the confessional. You knew that Papa Emeritus I, also addressed as Primo, would grace the confessional's sacred space this day. The urge to confess your signs, a practice widely accepted within the Satanic Ministry, was tingling in your head today. But you weren't going to confess any sins for him, no, today was different – you yearned to tell him how you felt about him, how you wanted him to be your first. Primo listened to your confession and beckoned you to rendezvous with him in his office once your obligations within the ministry had been fulfilled, just so you two could talk more about it.

You nodded shyly. "Y- Yes," you replied, looking into his eyes.

"Yes? Yes what, sorella?" he inquired with a hint of lust in his voice as his face traced every inch of your body.

"Yes, I want you to be my first, Papa." You whispered, biting your lower lip.

"Molto bene." He grinned.

"I... I'm just not too sure about this," you whispered. "I've never done anything like this before."

"It's ok, sorella, I'll be gentle with you." He said ressuringly.

"Primo, I don't know how..." you started.

"Sorella, you have nothing to fear. I will take care of you."

"I'm just worried that I won't be able to satisfy you, Papa." You confessed.

"Don't worry, I am sure you will, sorella," he picked up your hand and kissed it gently. "I'm an experienced man, so you don't have to worry, I'll guide you."

He placed his hands on your shoulder and slowly ran them down your arms.

"Do you trust me, fiore mio?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Then let me show you what I can do," he said. His hands were now at your waist, moving towards your hips.

You looked at his eyes, feeling your body tremble by his touch. He moved his hand from your hips, going with them to your stomach, tracing a delicate path with his fingertips to your chest.

"I can feel your cuore beating, I can see you trembling. Tell me what you want, tell me what you need." He whispered into your ear.

"I need you, Papa." You whispered, wrapping your arms around his neck. "I want you to take me, I want you to make love with me," you said looking deep into his eyes.

"Tell me more, tell me what you want me to do with you, sorella." He said sliding his hand between your legs.

"I want you to touch me, I want you to kiss me," you replied breathless.

"First, I want to feel you, sorella,." he said as his hand found their way to your clit, starting to rub it.

He moved his finger up and down your slit, then slipped one into your entrance. He added another finger, pumping them in and out of you.

"Oh, Satan," you cried out. "Please, Papa, touch me." You pleaded.

"You're already wet for me, cuoricina," he said.

He removed his hand from your core and placed them in his mouth. He licked his fingers, closing his eyes, letting a pleasant hum escape his lips.

"You taste good, fiore mio," he said, before leaning forward, kissing you deeply, sliding his tongue into your mouth.

Your tongues met and danced together, exploring each other's mouth. He pushed back his finger into your wetness and began to move it in and out. You moaned in his mouth, slightly rolling your eyes to the back of your head. You could feel his hardness against your ass as his tongue explored your mouth.

He pulled back and looked into your eyes. "Sorella, your Papa has something to ask you now."

"Yes, Papa?"

"Kneel for your Papa," he commanded.

You nodded, removing your arms from around his shoulder and slid off his lap. You knelt before him, looking up into his eyes.

"Take off my pants, dolce," he said.

You reached for his belt buckle and unhooked it. You pulled down his zipper and slid his pants down over his tights. He raised his hips slightly as you slid his pants all the way off. Your gaze went to his boxers but he quickly cupped your face, turning it to him.

"Sorella, look at me," he murmured.

"Y-Yes, Papa?" You looked up into his eyes.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" he asked.

"I... Yes."

"Molto bene, take them off for me then."

You reached for his boxers and slowly slid them down. His length sprang free, hard and thick.

"Oh, Satan," you gasped.

You stared at his member, it was huge. It was long and thick, you could even see the veins running along the sides. You licked your lips, looking at how it was already wet with his pre cum.

"Touch me, sorella."

You reached out and wrapped your fingers around his shaft. It was warm and smooth. You stroke it gently, feeling it grow harder in our hand.

"Oh, sì, that's it, angioletta," he groaned.

He grabbed your hair, guiding your head to his length.

"Why don't you try to fit it in your pretty mouth, fiorellina?"

You bent over your hand and took the tip of his member into your mouth. You sucked it gently, swirling your tongue around it. You moved your lips further down the shaft until you could take no more. You stopped and sat back on yous heels.

"You're so big, Papa," you whispered. "It's too big for me, I- I can't fit it all in my mouth."

"It's ok, angioletta, you don't have to try," he replied. "You just have to learn how to relax," he continued. "Relax your throat, and use your tongue, and breath through your nose."

You opened your mouth wide and took him again. This time you relaxed your throat muscles and used your tongue to lick the underside of his member. You were able to to get more than half of him in your mouth.

"Molto bene," he praised you. "That's right, dolce, use your tongue. Move it around, and lick up and down."

He put his hands on your head, guiding you. You started moving your mouth up and down on his member, moving your tongue around him. You picked up his length with one hand, stroking it faster as you sucked him harder. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, groaning.

"Keep going, sorella, you're doing great."

You kept moving your mouth up and down, taking him deeper each time. You increased your speed, coming up with your head to the tip of his length again, sucking him in your mouth, then sliding your mouth back down again, taking him completely into your mouth.

"Merda, sorella, that feels so good," he said, moaning. "You've done really well so far," he continued. "Now, Papa is going to fuck your mouth, sì? Open your mouth wider."

You obeyed, opening your mouth as wide as you could. He thrust his length deep into your mouth, holding it there for a moment. Then he began thrusting into your mouth. He moved faster and faster, each thrust getting deeper.

Your eyes watered, but you didn't want him to stop. You closed your eyes, trying to relax your throat, but it was hard with his length filling it. You focused on breathing through your nose, you felt yourself starting to gag slightly.

"Sorell-Ah! Cazzo, I-"

He pulled his length out of your mouth. You looked at him, breathless, your chest panting heavily. He looked down on you with a smirk on his lips.

"Mi dispiace, dolce, I almost came," he said. "Did I hurt you, sorella?" he asked.

"N-No... Papa."

"Bene, because I didn't want to hurt you," he smiled, looking at you. "You did very well, dolce," he said. "Now get up from your knees." He commanded.

You stood up, still breathing heavily. His hands got on your hips, turning you around. He got up from his chair, bending you over on his desk. You felt his hand reach between your legs and rub your core.

"This is what I want to feel," he growled. "I want to feel your wet pussy, angioletta."

He rubbed your clit, sending waved of pleasure throughout your body. He pushed his fingers inside you, moving it slowly, in and out.

"Papa! Yes! Fuck me, oh!" you cried.

He lowered his body on top of yours, leaving his head close to your ear. "Your pussy feels so good, sorella, I want to be inside you, I want to fill your pussy with my cock. I want to make you mine." He whispered close to your ear.

You felt him pulling away from you. You turned your head at him, looking at him confused.

"W-What's wrong, Papa?" you asked.

"Nothing is wrong, dolce," he reassured you. "I just need to fuck you now," he said with a mischievous grin on his face. "Are you ready for me?"

[marymary-diva17]

A marriage of peace & political (2)

Zuko x water tribe reader x male mai + others

Many years had gone by since you left your home and become a wife, it had been so long since you had seen your family and everyone else. No words or visit had taken place between them with you, at first it had broken your heart but you soon came to terms with everything. There was some distance between yourself and southern water tribe, that had grown over the years since the last time they saw you. Over the years you had changed into the person you had become now these days. 

Y/n " ........" you are the on the dock of the fire nation ship moving on the ocean, you were looking out on the landscape surrounding you. 

Fire nation solder " my lady y/n we are not that far from the South Pole"

Y/n " thank you for the report please make sure everything will be ready to be unloaded"

Fire nation soldier " yes my lady" it had been so long but you were finally going home, not for a home coming but for help. As some tension had risen and issue had risen for water and earth kingdom, Among themselves and some tension with the fire nation as well.

????? " mom" you soon had a smile show up on your face, as you looked to see your four sons standing there. 

Y/n " hello my sons" you soon walked toward your children, all of your dressed for the cold climate. 

Y/n " Muko, Izo, and Uze, Zoja I thought you boys will be inside with everyone else"

Muko " we were going to stay inside but we came to see how you were doing"

Y/n " I'm doing well it has been so long since I been here"

Izo " that good to hear mother"

Y/n " I'm guessing your fathers had asked you all to come on the trip with me to make sure I'm okay"

Uze " yes as it seems like they don't like your family and their friends that much, and one of them the avatar ... so sad on how he failed to keep his oath"

Zoja " even after this marriage it seems like chief hakoda has failed to keep his rule in line, as well so has his children the only one who has been successful if you mother" 

Muko " mother we don't wish to be rude we have here for two reasons to keep our family safe and to see your home and all the culture you talked about"

Izo " yes it going to be a good trip"

Y/n " I'm happy to hear that boys" Muko and Izo are fire-benders like zuko and have his personality and inherit his looks as well. While Uze and zojia didn't have any bending abilities but picked up their father Mao talent for daggers and looked and act ike him. 

Y/n " I know you kids will be able to find some fun in this place and one we are done here we can go see the rest of our family on ember inland" 

The boys " yes mother" The children had become your pride and joy over the years, the boys and their fathers always found ways to make you happy. 

Uze " mother" Uze was Ponting at something and you soon saw it the South Pole it has been so long since you been home, even due it had changed it was still your home a bright smile grows on your face. 

Y/n " welcome to the South Pole my children" The fire nation ship soon stopped the ship at the dock the walk way had bene dropped, as you and had gotten off with your children. To see water nation soldiers waiting there as well it seems like they were apart of the escort to the palace and into the village. 

Water nation solder " hello lady y/n we have been order by your father and brother to escort you to the palace and inside the village" 

Y/n " thank you I will also be bring my guards as well under the commands of my husbands" 

Water nation soldier " yes that can happen we all take you and your party right now if you wish" 

Y/n " yes please" the Group soon left the docks the suppiles will follow later on as you soon walked inside the village, you had been greeted by cheers and music. It seems like everyone had come to see the arrival from you water and earth kingdom civilians and soldiers are here. The were people waving to you and you waved or smiled back, after a while you soon reached the palace. 

Muko " well we are here it time to show them what you can do" 

Y/n " thank you my child" 

Water nation guard " up these steps everyone else is in there my lady and it good to have you home" 

Y/n" thank you and it good to be home" you and eveyrone soon walked up the steps as the door opened and soon more cheering and music had been heard from behind you and in front of you. 

Squire " I announced the arrival of lady y/n the princess of the fire nation and lady of the southern water tribe daughter of hakoda and kay, and sister to sokka and katara " you soon made you way towards the front where all the important people are standing you soon saw your father and siblings, along with everyone else. 

Y/n " chief hakoda hello it good to see you again and everyone else it has been go long" hakoda had smiled and soon made his way towards you. 

Hakoda " welcome home my daughter I have missed you it been to long but it good to have you home" 

Y/n " yes it" 

Sokka " welcome back sister" 

Y/n " hello sokka" 

Katara " y/n I'm happy to have my sister home" 

Y/n " hello katara ... hello to you as well aang and top it good to see you all are doing well" 

Toph " hello snow princess I have missed you" 

Aang " hello y/n I have heard about the great things you have done I and nomads ow you thank for helping us restore the air temples" 

Y/n " you are welcome" 

Hakoda " I hope your remember all our old friends as well they have come here for the meeting" 

Y/n " hello everyone" 

Toph " are zuko and Mao coming along with iroh"

Y/n " they will be coming later on I and my company came first" 

Bato " speaking of your company who are these four young man with you today they seem young warriors in the making" 

Muko " we are the children of princess y/n of the fire nation and lady y/n of southern water tribe the sons of her husband and future heir of the fire nation" The room had fallen silent after muko had said that and bowed soon his three brother had followed suit. 

Sokka " okay I must not be hearing right or the music got to me but did he say he your son" 

Y/n " yes he my son all four of them are my sons" 

Sokka " wow I can't believe I have nephews" 

Katara " it so wonderful to meet you four" 

Izo " it good to meet you as well" 

Hakoda " I can't believe I'm a grandfather why haven't I been told ahead of time" 

Y/n " I have sent word but it seems like letter were never received or read" 

Hakoda " well we can find a solution later I'm happy you are home and my grandsons are here as well" 

Sokka " family hug" 

Uze " I don't do hugs" 

Toph " hey I like this one" 

Uze " your toph I heard great stuff about you from my mother and great uncle respect" 

Toph " thank you" 

Y/n " we can talk later and have time to get to know each other or caught up, we should get to the meeting I'm right to sokka time line" 

Sokka " you still know me well sister" you had nodded your head as the meeting will be starting soon but you know during their time here it was going to challenges for you, as now you will be dealing with your family and the others. As life was not the same anymore, you were going to do you best while you were here and not let the last control that much.

[inaconstantstateofchange]

finirà bene - an Astarion/Dark Urge/Halsin time travel redux

Summary: At the very moment of the Absolute's defeat, Astarion opens his eyes to find himself amidst familiar burning wreckage, face-to-face with a Shadowheart who has no knowledge of their companion, the dragonborn Kelis. Stuck in this familiar-unfamiliar situation, Astarion will have to reforge alliances alone as he seeks to make his way out of this nightmare, and find his missing partner(s).

Pairing: endgame Astarion/Dark Urge/Halsin, with a primary in-fic focus on Astarion/Halsin (as Kelis is busy haunting the narrative).

Reposting because I'm very proud of the new banner - Kelis artwork done by @somespareserotonin-please - and because I haven't had a proper masterpost up yet.

Prologue and Chapter 1 are up on AO3, and I'll put them here for anyone who prefers to read that way. Chapter 2 is finished - 5k words! - and in the process of final editing and formatting to post here and on AO3, probably tomorrow at the latest.

I'd love to hear your thoughts, and hope you enjoy the journey as much as I do! ^^

Prologue: alone in the world

The din of battle fades out in patches, his ears ringing as the world swims before his eyes, dizzying colors erupting and obscuring the pitted surface of the nautiloid around him. Staggering to the side, he focuses on catching his balance, running his gloved hand along the gaps in his armor, looking for any puncture wounds carrying poison he didn’t notice.

Not now, not like this. The thought whispers through his mind like the frenzied beat of a drum. After everything they have battled through to reach this point, to survive it together, surely this cannot be the end, not when their true enemy is so close to defeat.

Through the spots encroaching further into his vision, and the strangely warped perspective the world around him is taking on, he casts about for Kelis, separated from him by the tide of battle for some time now.

At last, he sees them, far too close to the Brain for any comfort, near death though it is beginning to seem. Perhaps that is only wishful thinking, but — surely, surely it must be nearly defeated.

Their owlbear form seems somehow larger than he’s ever seen it, magnificent and ferocious. With a resonant shriek that builds from their chest and erupts into the air around them, they jump up toward the stormy sky above, body tilting down gracefully at the apex of their leap in preparation to bring the full force of gravity down with them on the target of their final strike — that wretched, hateful Crown.

He bares his teeth in wild, bloodsoaked joy, ready for this months-long nightmare to be over, but the world will not allow him more than this moment. As Kelis’s claws make contact with the sickening glow of the Crown’s gems, the warping that had faded into the background, holding its breath like everyone else in the battle, rushes to life with redoubled intent, now eating through not only his vision, but seemingly the world itself.

The last image he has before all is overtaken by crackling brilliance is Kelis blinking out of existence — present one moment, and gone without a single discernible trace of a spell’s effect the next.

His unbeating heart twists in his chest, nausea filling his entire body.

Not now, not like this.

“Kelis! Ke-”

His words disappear in the space between breaths, and he himself follows suit.

For a moment, an empty crown glints in the waning sunlight, before it too fractures, cracks, and splinters away.

Across a starlit sky, a burning nautiloid hurtles toward the ground, its trajectory cut short by its impact with the riverbank.

Numerous eyes track its passage, and a multitude of forces and individuals set to devising their responses to this unexpected incursion.

On a grassy outcropping, one pod is ejected at a sharp angle, its surface breaking open and its captive launched forward against the grass.

A white-haired elf lies still among the rocks and silt, unbreathing, as the sun’s rays climb over the horizon, inching closer and closer to his unresponsive form.

“-lis! Kelis?” The world filters back in in discordant jumps and starts — but something isn’t right. Blinking his unaccountably heavy eyelids open against the blinding sun, many somethings are not right.

Behind him lies the burning wreckage of an all-too-recognizable nautiloid, flames still crackling hungrily amidst the ruins.

Dumbly, he springs to his feet and spins around as quickly as the vertigo wracking his body will allow, knowing what he is searching for even as a horrible certainty grows in him that he will not find it.

To the left: the sharp drop to the Chionthar, its brilliant blue water belying the nightmare he must be inhabiting.

To the right: more wreckage, an extremely distressed boar, and — a familiar figure, albeit with a hair color he is no longer used to. His mind catches on this detail for a moment before abandoning it for more pressing matters.

“Shadowheart! What things have come to that the sight of your dour visage brings me relief, of all things. Will wonders never cease!” His voice is overly cheery, perhaps a touch manic, but no one who truly matters is around to mention it, so he’ll grant himself a temporary allowance.

“Now, is this an illusion spell of some form? Do you know of any way to break it? As patient as I would love to be, time is very much of the essence, so a bit of alacrity would be greatly appreciated!”

Alright, perhaps a slightly less temporary allowance.

Unexpectedly, the cleric’s response is to take a sharp step backward, expression growing even more wary.

“How do you know my name? We have certainly not yet been introduced, to my knowledge.” Her voice is icy and biting, without even the edge of begrudging fondness that had begun growing there in the past weeks.

His face slackens for a moment, thoughts whirring through his mind almost faster than he can note them. Something is far more awry here even than he originally considered.

As quickly as he can, he runs through what he knows of spells that could achieve an effect as encompassing as this appears to be. There are not a great many, but of course a creature as unprecedented as the Nether Brain could have access to a multitude of unknown magics.

None of his senses are telling him that anything around him is untrue or fabricated, despite his mind screaming very much the opposite. The wind coming from the water carries with it the expected smells, and the creaks and groans of organic machinery breaking down into the flames is as he remembers from his first day of freedom.

Most damningly of all — everything about Shadowheart is exactly as he recalls from their first meeting, down to the very smell of her, in his experience the most difficult sense for any illusion spell to accurately replicate.

He switches tacks as smoothly as he can, pushing as far down as it will go the part of him that wants to start screaming, and perhaps never stop.

Pasting on the smile that charmed hundreds of Baldur’s Gate’s finest to their deaths, he draws himself up into a less alarming pose, that perhaps screams an iota less ‘I am about to break down and begin stabbing every thing in sight.’

“My deepest apologies; I have had some… dealings, shall we say, with your cohort in Baldur’s Gate before, and was pleased to encounter a familiar face in an area this… desolate.” The sneer on his face as he peers around theatrically is not at all difficult to manufacture.

“I had no idea you were on one of your Lady’s more sensitive missions. Rest assured I will abide by all due secrecy in the future.”

He closes his speech – marvelously tailored under so short a time constraint, as far as he is concerned – with a hand flourish and a tip of his head, telegraphing foppish carelessness with all his might, but in truth desperate for the opportunity to hide his face away, even for a moment. The battle to keep that part of him that wants to break down – in tears or in murder, it is impossible to say – in check is becoming more difficult by the moment.

After an artful pause, he casts his eyes up through his fringe, checking for the success of his fabrication.

Shadowheart’s frown deepens visibly for a moment, discomfited by something about his statement, before the tension lines in her face smooth out and she shifts into a more neutral, although still readied, position.

“Apology accepted, although you would certainly benefit from greater discretion in the future —particularly if you intend to continue your dealings. The Mother Superior does not tolerate failure, as you must know.”

He inclines his head once more before returning upright, smile coming much more naturally now as he submerges himself in his role.

“Of course! My deepest thanks for your helpful reminder and concern for my person.”

A dismissive scoff is her only response as she turns to survey the wreckage herself.

Seeing an opportunity, he ventures a question. “I saw you on the ship, I’m fairly certain. However did you escape from those wretched pods?”

“There was someone else up there, who helped free m-,” Her answer comes without hesitation at first, only to cut off abruptly as her brow furrows.

With furious and feral hope clawing its way up his chest, he interjects as intently as he dares, “There was someone else loose up there? Who? What did they look like?!”

After a moment, he tacks on a weak justification, attempting to play off his intensity, “They must have been impressive indeed, to free you from such a fate.”

She doesn’t pay his inconsistency any mind, eyes clouded as she continues looking over the wreckage, seemingly in search of something in particular.

After another long moment, she turns away with a firm shake of her head. “No… no, there was no one. My pod broke when the ship crashed, just as yours did, I presume.”

He barely keeps himself from pressing her, biting back the words trying to escape him as he marshals the increasing urge to grab her shoulders and shake her, demanding to know if she had seen a red Dragonborn with bottomless black eyes.

At this point in his ongoing nightmare, he is becoming sickly certain that hearing her answer would be even worse than the creeping dread that is slowly overtaking him.

“Well, all’s well that ends well, I suppose!” With a false laugh and a bright grin he doesn’t feel even a fraction of, he commits to the course he’s set for himself.

Stay alive.

Don’t drive off one of your least useless comrades, in the event that this ends up not being some illusory nightmare realm.

Find a camp or similarly secluded place of respite.

Have a breakdown that will rank in at least the top ten of your very long life.

Make a plan.

Find Kelis.

[laferocia]

Mike Patton speaking italian: birthday edition

So today is Mike's birthday and I'll celebrate with some quick translation.

Video 1: Tomahawk, Milan, 2013.

Milano, tutto a posto? Bene. Siete molto ma molto gentili per un gruppo da spalla! Min 0:29: lui pensa che stavo parlando della pasta... Eh già! Insomma, questo è un chill! Un pezzo chill, hai capito? (he said it in a Neapolitan accent, LOL). Chill! (a guy in the audience answered "agg capit", in Neapolitan way). Sai cosa vuol dire? Tranquillo! (again, same accent). Va bene? Dai, NIN, (something I didn't get), minchia! Per adesso, fucking chill motherfuckes!

Milan, everything okay? Great. You're really nice with a support band! At 0:29: he thinks I was talking about pasta... Oh yeah! So, this is a chill! A chill song, you got it? Chill! Do you know what it means? Relax! Okay? Come on, NIN, fuck! For now, fucking chill, motherfuckers!

Video 2: mix of epic stuff

0:03: Mike, piacere // Mike, nice to meet you (you can find the whole translation of that video here)

0:05: La fica! // The pussy! (He was in Brazil and "fica" is a conjugation of the verb "ficar", I guess. As you can see, in italian "fica" or "figa" has another meaning eheheheh).

0:06: Lui sta dicendo che vuole un cazzone! He is saying he wants a big cock! (you can find the whole translation of that video here)

0:08: Fica fica fica fica! // Pussy pussy pussy pussy!

0:10: Io mangio la merda del papa // I eat the pope's shit.

0:15: Ah si vede che sei intenditore! // You can tell he's a connoisseur!

0:17: Cazzarola! // As I've already said in the translation of this specific video, it's a term we use to say "cazzo" (=dick, but in the meaning of "fuck!") but in a less vulgar way. It's not really a swear word; in central Italy, "cazzarola" means "pot".

0:20: È un pochetto, un pochino diversa! // It is a bit different!

0:22: Negroni, grappa, Martini (3 famous italian alcoholic drinks; I love those "sì" in the middle)

0:26: È un bel lavoro! // It's quite a job!

0:29: Pirla! // Pirla! (It's a typical Milanese insult, and it roughly means "stupid". Plural or singular, it is always "pirla").

0:31: siamo contentissimi di essere qua // We are very happy to be here.

0:33: 'sti cazzo di Milanesi! // These fucking milanese people!

0:34: sì, tipo, sì// Yeah, I mean, yeah.

0:36: devi imparare, cazzo! // You have to learn it, damn it!

0:41: magari cresce un po' così! // Maybe it grows a bit like this.

0:43: ma va a cagare! (I can translate it with "Fuck off" or "go to hell" but it litelly means "Go and take a shit". We use it a lot)

0:45: daje daje milanesi! Come on, Milanesi! ("Daje" is absolutely Roman style. It has many uses, but most commonly, it's a way to say 'come on').

0:47: mi han detto che...// They told me that...

0:48: Cazzarola!

0:49: sì sì mi ricordo // yeah yeah I remember that!

0:50: volete Vasco Rossi // You want Vasco Rossi (again, as I've already said in the translation of this specific video, Vasco Rossi is a famous Italian rock star, but he is controversial because he hasn't done anything significant since at least 1998. Mike knows that metalheads hate Vasco).

0:57: è proprio un idolo // He is truly an idol (he was talking about Demetrio Stratos, I'm quite sure Mike doesn't like Vasco, LOL)

0:58: dai un po' d'Eros, cazzo! // Come on, a bit of Eros, damn! (Eros Ramazzotti is a popular italian pop singer. By the way, I'm not sure about exactly what he said, but he was definitely talking about Ramazzotti).