#IM SORRY IT GOT SO LONG... HELP ..

[aroaceleovaldez]

It's honestly wild to me that ToA went through so much trouble to emphasize the fact that Will did not magically fix all of Nico's problems and was explicitly not Nico's only doctor.

Only for TSATS to have Will fix all of Nico's problems and have Nico be entirely reliant on him the entire book and literally helpless without him and LITERALLY have Nico's problems be magically removed.

[spacedlexi]

"sounds nice... having a partner"

[shouyuus]

hi not a request but I want to know how you got to be such a good writer. Practice? Or maybe writing exercises? Did you fall inlove with writing? If so, when and how? Has it always been, i don’t know, a thing you like to do ever since you were a lil kid? Or were you inspired by other pieces and authors. (mind-boggling curiosity is driving me rn)

ASDLFKJSD thank you ?!?!?! so. this is a question that i sometimes got on my old blog as well, and i've always dithered on how to answer bc there's no like... magic potion, right. there's no secret sauce.

unfortunately (and super boringly), how you get "good" at writing is just... practice. just hours and hours and weeks and months and years of practice.

i've been writing almost every single day since i was about 10 years old. i'm 30 now so that's twenty years of practice -- neigh on SEVEN THOUSAND DAYS of practice. i also majored in comparative literature, so i paid like insane amounts of money to an higher education institution, for people who are objectively considered experts in this field, to teach me and help me and coach me. i can't discount at all how important that was in like getting my writing to the next level (i can name the specific professor and course in my freshman year that changed me as a writer like that's how deep of an impression it left on me)

that being said, you don't need to do all that to become a "good" writer. and i think that's the best thing about this craft is that anyone can decide to pick up a pen one day and #Nike Just Do It. (also, good is subjective and like blah blah blah all that stuff)

but if you want actual tangible things you can do to improve your writing, here's some things that have helped me:

read. read alot. read everything. think of your body like a car. you need to put oil in to run. you need energy in to put energy out. in the same way, you need to intake good writing to output good writing. ive always been a voracious reader, and for the longest time, even when i was actively writing fanfiction (both online and just for myself), i wouldn't read any other fanfics, i would only read published books, and published books either from authors that i know i like, OR published books that i've vetted (ie read the first few pages of and said okay, this is a style i like and a story that's interesting to me)

it's impossible not to be "inspired" when you take in a lot of good writing. so read. but don't limit yourself to just fiction or whatever. read narrative nonfiction -- some of the most moving stories and well-written things i've ever read are actually essays, or longform journalism stories -- try a bit of everything and see what you like, and make note of the things you like to read

then, dig a bit deeper. if there's a sentence you find particularly moving, take it apart, try to figure out why you like it. i rmbr in elementary school we did "sentence diagrams" and it seems strange but getting really technical with writing is a good thing! and i'm the kind of nerd that loves stuff like this so u__u. BUT BUT the point of this is -- once you figure out how a "good" sentence is structured, you can take that structure and plug your own words in! and voila! it's another good sentence!!!! kind of like a super nerdy advanced version of mad-libs LOL

i went thru a phase of my life where i thought it was super cool to memorize famous first sentences of novels LMFAO (yes. again. my parents should've KNOWN i had adhd as a child holy fuck) but i did that for a while and i think that also just... ingrained in me specific sentence structures and turns of phrase that have stuck with me to this day.

if you read a thing and you don't like it, try to pause and ask yourself why -- was it the pacing? the structure? the characterization? what about it was offputting? try to be a more active/critical reader.

COPYWRITING. okay OKAY so this is a thing that i discovered only.... a few years ago? i think? but its a writing exercise wherein writers will literally copy out word for word writing that they like from another author -- not to publish, mind you, but just for the FEEL of writing it themselves -- NOW. i know what ur thinking "what the fuck why" but think about it this way -- classical musicians spend their entire lives playing pieces written by other musicians. dancers learn dances from other choreographers -- even choreographers start by learning dances by other people right like. why should writing be any different?

this does a few things -- it makes you an "active" participant in the writing. don't knock it till you've tried it -- reading a sentence (even deeply) and having to write/type it out yourself are two totally and completely different things. the way you pay attention to pacing, cadence, punctuation, line breaks, shit that you don't even think about when you're reading, suddenly, you're paying attention to it bc you're the one typing each and every letter, every comma, every exclamation mark.

i have a whole separate folder in my notion just for copywork. for the days that i don't feel like actually writing anything, i'll pick one of my favorite books from my favorite authors, and pull it up on kindle, and just copy out a few paragraphs, sometimes an entire chapter. and you'd be surprised at how different you feel after!

read/listen to poetry. this is more of a personal thing for me but i love the cadence of poetry -- i love internal rhymes and spoken word, i love limerence and sibilance and alliteration. i love IAMBIC PENTAMETER GODDAMNIT. lmfao but like. alot of times, prose is more "forgiving" in a way -- you have more space, more words to do the thing. poetry is (i think) the essence -- especially metered poetry, or specific forms of poetry where you have to write within a super rigid set of rules -- and sometimes, i think that creativity flourishes the best under "stress" aka under a strict set of rules. the shit that people come up with in very strict poetry is INSANE and sometimes i copy those out too, over and over again, just to feel the words and the rhythm

read your favorites over and over again. i used to never re-read books, but as i got older and my tastes became pickier, i find myself going back to reread my favorite books over and over again -- and it's fascinating because every time i go back, i find something new to marvel at, a new aspect. and i think that's the lovely thing about media after it's been put out in the world -- you can consume it over and over and over again, and each time, because of the way your brain is wired, of your physical setting, your mindset, you'll notice sometime different.

if you want a list of my fav books/authors, i can def make one! or i'll just reblog the list i made on my prev blog but yeah! lemme know if that's of interest to you! and i think you'll find that if you read any of my fav authors, you'll see immediately how they've inspired me LOL

and FINALLY be kind to yourself! you do not have to be good at every hobby you choose. if writing is something that just gives you joy and you don't want to become 'better' at it??? then that's perfectly okay! also, there are TONS of different styles of writing -- and not all of them is for everyone! you might like super dialogue-heavy writing, some other ppl might prefer really rich prose! it varies by person, and you'll never please everyone. so the best you can do is just write the stuff that makes you happy and that makes you giggle (lord knows thats what i've been doing on this blog) and if you want to put it out into the world, then do! but if you wanna keep it just for yourself, then that's good too!

just because you don't put it out into the world, doesn't make you any less of a writer!

[shitty-skyblings-doodles-daily]

today, it’s pearl’s turn to yap! grian and jimmy just got to know a lot more moth facts!

[dsnzfb]

A Flair for the Dramatic

Axolotl/Lotus, cold/flu, M/M, ~2.9K

Axo gets the flu and a subsequent fever. He struggles to deal with it, and it's now Lotus's problem.

“Loooooo…”

This had been a frequent calling from Axo recently, and if it was anyone else, Lotus would have snapped at them to shut up and leave him alone.

But it wasn’t anyone else.

This was Axolotl.

Axo, with the strength of a bear and constitution of an ox, was usually the picture of health. Yet here he was, bundled up in bed with the flu, and here Lotus was, tending to his every need. 

Fevers hit Axo hard, and this was no exception. 

“You should be more careful,” Lotus had told him before he came down with it, “You meet a lot of people, yet you haven’t had your seasonal vaccine.”

Axo’d brushed him off and explained that he didn’t have time with the bakery’s opening hours. Not to mention he’d never gotten the flu before, so he’d be fine!

“I- I have t-to… ggh… haa… aahh… h-hhaaa… Hhhi-iih-iiih… HhiiIITSHHhhoOO!! Hhg-hhIITSSHHIEWW!! N-nn…” The Icelandic man pulled the covers around him tighter with a pathetic whimper, body trembling as he struggled to feel anything but freezing cold.

“…Bless you, Ax. I could say ‘I told you so’, you know.” Lotus offered up a tissue from the almost-empty box next to Axo, thumb tracing the back of his friend’s hand as they touched. He was too warm.

Luckily, he’d had his own flu shot the moment it became available to him.

“T-T-This-” the larger man blew his nose productively, ears feeling like they were going to pop from the pressure in his sinuses, “This sucks… I don’t like it, Lo… I don’t get sick like this… Ever. My body hurts… My muscles are screaming at me… A-and my skin aches, it’s… It’s so sensitive, and I’m sweating, but I’m so cold… My nose keeps running, but whenever I try to sniffle, or wipe it with a tissue, o-or blow, it makes me sneeze…”

Lotus sighed. This really was his own fault, but Axo wasn’t used to taking care of himself when he got sick like this. 

He wasn’t the mother hen sort himself - that was more Rose’s deal. But seeing his friend like this, drowning in misery, it made his chest twist up in uncomfortable knots - he couldn’t bring himself to leave Axo to deal with this alone. The accountant would hole himself up and away when sick himself, but when it came to Axolotl? He couldn’t deny it, he was weak for that man.

“That’ll be the fever, and… Well, everything else that comes with the flu. Mm…” He hummed, “I don’t recall ever seeing you get an injection. Even when we were at school together, though we got called in separately for them, I suppose. But still…”

While Lotus’ brows furrowed during his reminiscing, Axo avoided his gaze and stared down at the corner of the blanket he was fidgeting with. He was usually happy to talk about times past, so the silence was unusual.

Well, silence bar a sniffle, and then growing hitches.

“H-hhei-hh…iiih… H-hhah…”

“Ax, tissue.”

“H-hhaa…aahh… Hhaaiih-!” The sick man pulled a tissue out from the nearby box just in time, despite his ample warnings, “hhaAIIMPFFH!!! IITsshHHIEWh!! Iish-TSSHHHIIieww!! N-nngh… Haahnn….”

Lotus blessed him softly. “Poor thing. It’s hit you hard, mm?”

“Mmb…” Axo nodded, eyes teary from sneezing and cheeks radiating heat. Embarrassment? Maybe. Fever? Absolutely.

Stepping close, the pink-haired man traced a soothing hand down Axo’s arm, pausing at a wince, and then continuing.

“You don’t have to tell me the details. But did you? Have your flu vaccines back then?”

As if shamefully, Axo slowly shook his head, strawberry blond hair cascading around his face and catching the light, seemingly glowing in the sun’s final rays of the day through his window. The British man found it hard to be mad at him, even a little.

“Never went. Snf-! HHnngh-aaah- a-ah… hhuaa’ttSHHHhew!! -ktsSHHIEW! Nngguh… I, um… I got the… Necessary ones… But… Y-you’re going to think I’m pathetic, Lo…”

“Go on.”

“I cried, every time… I was so scared… It hurts, I don’t know how people can do it… I, um- t-they had to hold me still for the important ones… I think I would have run away if they didn’t.” 

“I don’t think that’s pathetic. So you have a phobia, is that right? I think it’s very brave that you got them. But you really should have your seasonal one. I’ll come with you next time. I’ll hold your hand. Hold your head, so you can’t see it. Then we can get, I don’t know, ice cream afterwards, or something. Or a hot meal, if the weather’s shite.”

Axo stared up at him, eyes wide.

Lotus fidgeted.

“…Say something, would you? I’m dreadful at this sort of thing.”

“A-Ah, sorry. I, uh… Thank you… You don’t have to do that. Nobody’s ever offered. It’s usually alone, just… Me and them… And they have the- the thing, and…”

Axo started to choke up just thinking about it, helped along by his fevered, highly emotional state. Goosebumps ran up his arms, a shudder running through his body despite the thick blankets currently cocooning him.

The pink-haired man’s expression instantly turned to worry, clearly unequipped to deal with a very upset, very sick Axo dealing with vivid memories of phobia-triggering events on top of a raging fever, “Shh. It’s okay. Don’t cry. Think of something else. Sorry for bringing it up, I didn’t know you were scared. You can go back to whining about how miserable you feel, or telling me a nonsensical fever-induced recipe idea for the bakery. H-How about that pesto-filled turtle bread you mentioned earlier today?”

A single laugh broke through Axo’s tears at Lotus’s attempt at helping, making him snort and send mess down his face. With a sympathetic smirk, the Brit cleaned him up easily, with the patience one might expect from a mother, or a nurse, or a long-term roommate-turned-boyfriend-turned-friends-with-benefits.

“You’re so silly, Ax. You always have been.”

“P-Pathetic…”

“Nonsense. You’re scared and unwell.” He threw the tissues away, then put the back of a hand on Axo’s cheek, then his forehead, then the nape of his neck.

“Still too warm. Can you take some medicine for me? Need to get that fever down, and I’m not strong enough to carry you into the bath.”

Axo didn’t understand what Lotus was saying, not figuring out what a bath had to do with him having a fever, or why he’d need to be carried to it. His confusion distracted him from the bulk of his upset, luckily enough.

“Ok…ay?? Are you, um- h-hold… Hold ohhhn… Are you s-s-suuh… Suuu…. Uuhh-iiIIhh…!! S-sure- that you’re n…naah…ah… No-ooht- s-sic-ck-kktSHHiiIIEW!! Hh-aaah-hTTSHHHIIEWw!!”

Lotus tore his gaze away from the tickly, hitchy, very sneezy man, cheeks warming alarmingly as he mumbled, “…Again with the nonsense… Barely able to tell what you’re saying… I’m certain, Ax. I’ve had my thing this year. I can’t catch it.”

Axo appreciated Lotus not mentioning the name of the object that brought him to tears, though he didn’t have much time to dwell on it before his sensitive nose twitched again.

“S-seeh-… Serious…ly…? It’s like… T-thuh-… The slightest breeze… Or… What’s i-iih-iiit… A hair trigger…? G-gonna- gonna s-sneeze agaaiih… Again, Lo…” The Icelandic man sounded slightly annoyed at just how easily his red, sore nose was set off at the moment, yet he still had to build up so much to his fits. He wished he could get them over with, like someone else he knew.

Cheeks now starting to feel like they were radiating heat, Lotus continued to look away from his friend as the dramatic buildups shot through him, pretending there was something particularly interesting on a nearby shelf that required his immediate attention. Well, Axo clearly hadn’t dusted in a bit. May as well busy himself with a little cleaning.

The breathy hitches continued for longer than he expected, and he ended up glancing at the larger man, only to find him just as he imagined – no, feared – from that sound.

The blond’s chapped nose was running freely down his face as he hitched, bridge scrunching up in irritation, lips curling at the itch the mess brought on. His eyes were shut tight, hot tear tracks shining down his equally fevered cheeks.

Shit, Lotus wouldn’t be able to control himself if this kept up.

“…L…Looooo… Lo… S-stuck… It’s… I cad’t-hheh-!! S-Sdeeehze-!! H-heh-eehiih!! Oh by god-!” Axo begged, attempting to open his eyes and look over at his friend, “He…elppp…“

Help?

Help how?

Was he kidding with this?

Lotus discreetly pinched himself - ow - and found that he wasn’t, indeed, dreaming. With a sigh, he took a seat beside Axo. More ‘traditional’ methods of inducing a sneeze felt like cartoonish fantasies, like pepper, a feather, or anything like that. Out of the question. He couldn’t dare use the rolled up tissue method - what if Axo asked how he knew about it? Allergies? As far as he was aware, he didn’t have any aside from certain perfumes, of which he had none here. Pollen gave him no trouble, he was fine around Cactus’s cat, dust did little more than make him cough when around too much, plus the fact that he just cleaned, Ax owned a dog… A clothes tag? Where the hell would he get one of those right now?

He couldn’t touch his nose. No way. That’s…. That’s far too intimate for this situation. Ignoring the fact that they’d already done unmentionable things to each other over the course of their ‘friendship’, of course. Axo’s kinks were normal, Lotus couldn’t admit or allude to a particularly uncommon one like this. Especially not right now. He didn’t want to be seen as taking advantage, or enjoying Axo’s suffering. He just wanted him to feel better - if anything, this kink was getting in the way.

Lotus let out another sigh, not having given an answer yet. The poor flu-ridden guy was completely stuck, despite his nose being so sensitive at the moment. What was it he said? A slight breeze would set him o-

Oh.

That could work.

“Look at me, Ax.” The accountant guided Axolotl’s face with a careful hand on his cheek. He took in his visage - so unabashedly tickly, so sick, it made his heart ache.

Axo sniffed hard, trying to be not such a mess in front of Lotus, though was now hitching in his general direction regardless. Lotus pursed his lips slightly and blew. 

“Ggh-?! L-Lo, what- h-hah- t-that- that tickles- I’m… I… I-iih-…!! I’m g-gonna-…!! Gonna… snhh-… Snee-eeeh-eeiIISSHHhIiew!!! Ee-eehii-hiitTSSHHUue!!! S…Sdeeze…! Hhi-iih-hhiTTSHHiieeew!! AahTSSHIEW! E-eh-eeh..!!” The Icelandic man held a tissue in front of his face, sneezing at it rather than into it, and Lotus was belatedly incredibly grateful that he didn’t have a problem with needles. He didn’t wanna catch this, and with Axo being this bad at covering in the midst of an overwhelming fit like this, he would have been doomed.

Axo’s breaths paused, teetering on the edge of another tickle, so Lotus blew again.

“Hh-hhhdt-!! HhdTSSHHIEW!! AASHhEEUUHh!! AasSSHHhh-aaht’SSHHEWW!! O-ohhh…. Ndgh… S-scuse be… I, ub… Did’t bead to sdeeze that buch… Thadk you, Lo…”

Lotus felt like he was on fire, heart leaping to his throat as he choked out a blessing.

“I, uh… N-no problem. Glad I could help. Bless you. A thousand times.”

Axo blew his nose into the now-damp tissue, ears popping from the pressure. And of course, because he hadn’t tortured Lotus quite enough yet, he kept talking.

“I didn’t know the flu could be so sneezy, Lo… I always thought of it as, um… Like a bad fever and a cough, and… Stuff like that, but… This is just– it’s like a bajillion feathers all up in my nose, all dancing and swirling around, all covered in- in p-pepper…”

Lotus turned around with the mumbled excuse of ‘I’m getting you medicine.’ and stiffly walked off as Axo muffled another harsh sneeze into the tissue. Apparently just talking about it was enough to set him off now.

Ax really had no idea what the hell he was doing to him, so he couldn’t exactly blame him for this, but Lotus was being driven absolutely insane right now. Okay, medicine. Medicine… Hopefully it would help the poor guy start to feel a bit better, and knock him out long enough for the Brit to regain his composure.

After a few minutes of rummaging, he found a packet of cold & flu medication, blissfully unopened, and brought it to Axo, who was still rambling to himself about who-knows-what. (He knew what.)

“Sneezing so much is making my chest hurt, not from, um- not from the lungs, but the muscles, it’s so much movement, and I already ache…” He whined, eyes blinking open when Lotus nudged his hand and placed the small cylindrical pills on his palm.

“Take these.”

“W-wh- did you teleport? You were just here, and now you have those-”

“Hush. Just take them. Here’s your water.”

“….Thank you, Lo.” Axo swallowed the pills with a wince, chased them with his drink, then smiled at him, “I’m so lucky to have you. Thanks for looking after me.”

Looking away pointedly so that Axo hopefully wouldn’t notice the blush on his cheeks, Lotus replied. “….D-Don’t be a sap. You’d do the same for me. You have done the same for me.”

“I know, but… I don't know how bad I'd be if you weren't here. I'd be drowning in my mountain of tissues, probably… I don't think I've sneezed this much in my entire life.”

With a sigh, the Brit took a seat on Axo's bed. He still refused to look at the other man, but spoke regardless, “That department store about a year ago. The perfume section, when it was the only way to get to the men's clothes.”

Axo blinked, then smiled in recognition, “Oh, yeah! I'd completely forgotten about that! Wow, your memory is amazing. Yeah, I sneezed loads… I had to buy a new shirt, ‘cause all the perfume made… made me… my chesthh! Hhah… hhapTShhyuuUUuh!! Mm, bless me. Just thinking about that stuff… sneezing that much in public broke my shirt buttons, somehow…”

‘Somehow’, as if his chest wasn't absurdly huge and struggled to fit in shirts on a good day.

“I could barely breathe… it's a good thing you used your shirt and chest like a filter for my poor nose, the perfume was so unrelenting…”

Lotus was starting to regret mentioning that event. 

“I'm sorry for sneezing on you then… and now, too. It's not on purpose, they just… they take over, so it's… it's hard to control… ohgod- I have to sneeze again, Lo… hhah… hha-aaAAHH…!! HhaPTSSHYIEWWwwwh! HhatSHOOoooh! Hhah-ahh-AH! AAHTSHIIEWWwwh!! Mmnh… goodness, bless me.”

“You ran out of blessings. I have a limited amount to give, and you’ve had them all.”

“Awww…” the Icelandic man pouted dramatically, his drippy nose only serving to accentuate how pathetic he currently sounded, “How can I get more?”

Lotus placed a hand on Axo’s, thumb tracing the back of his hand intimately, “There’ll be more by the time you wake up. So, can you guess what I’m going to suggest you do?”

“Take a nap?”

“Good job.”

“...I am pretty tired, but I feel like… like… hhah… hhaiIH…! HHIih… hhiPPTSHHYEEWwwh!! …Like I’ve done nothing but sleep. And sneeze.”

The Brit pushed him back slowly onto his pillow, “That’s because you have to recover. Your fever’s still not down. I’ll be here, okay? I’m not reading you a story, though.”

“Could you, um… Tell me about work? I’m not calling numbers boring, but they do always relax me…”

“Yes, because they were so riveting that you didn’t need my help with the bakery’s finances in the first place, hm? Well, if you insist. It’s coming up to tax season, so I’ve been busy with them. There’s a lot to say. But aren’t you lucky that I’ve been on top of everything for you? Truly, there’s an inane amount of forms to fill in. This week’s turnover will likely be lower than previous weeks, thanks to all this.” he motioned to his sick companion.

Axo gave a tired sigh, a smile growing on his face. He loved Lotus’s voice. He always had.

“But you’ve been doing well otherwise, profits are exceeding expectations despite the current climate. Going to those events with those booths, getting catering jobs, all of it helps.” Lotus couldn’t help but enjoy himself as he then started to rattle off stats, percentage returns, and costs. He didn’t often have someone willing to listen to him talk about work, and while it wasn’t ideal that it was being used as a bedtime story, he didn’t really mind.

“-and if we don’t want the IRS on our asses, I’ll be needing to fill in all those-”

A snore interrupted him. Lotus turned to look at the other man, relieved to see him sleeping peacefully. Finally.

“Mm, you weren’t kidding. But I think they do a little more than just relax you. No wonder you struggled. You probably fell asleep at your desk… Don’t think I’ll ever forget you were doing all your finances on paper, silly thing. You sleep well, and feel better in the morning, okay? That’s an order. A threat, perhaps.”

Lotus gave the feverish man’s hand a squeeze, three unspoken words hanging heavy in the air.

‘I love you, Axo. One day, I’ll be able to tell you properly.’

[clownhonkbonk]

something something... vampires.

zaya uthman, vampire hunter, nim thunderstruck, the polite vampire.

characters belong to @apleye from their awesome sauce comic!! go read. super good.

[starry-sophrosyne]

Just.

a WOTC spinoff au where Sophist doesn't get banished but Bertrand still joins the rebellion (as/becomes the leader now, maybe for a diff reason like he got suspected instead of sophist for killing his father or something idk-) and Brent is forced to marry Cherie anyways, while he can only watch/help him prepare for his wedding as his best man (around the same time as WOTC, maybe Brent delayed marrying anyone for a few years due to the unstability of the kingdom after Bertrand left and his dad died)

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i might write somewhat of a full version of this as a drabble but i would need to read up on versions of this writing prompt (i need ideas bc motivation for this drabble idea is lowkey low) but GOD the amount of things that would go UNSAID. In this universe, he gently pushes his friend towards the ballroom again, only without a lingering feeling on both of their lips. Because how could he? Right before he was about to get married, and unaware of his true feelings for him too? No, instead, without realizing it, he tears up:

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"Never thought you'd cry at my wedding." — Brent's eyes widened in shock, a look comprised of genuine surprise and concern on his face just as Sophist realized the tears trembling in his waterline. Trying to play it off, he hoped his dear friend would take it as a moment of emotional vulnerability in opposition of what he currently felt.

"Oh, shut up! Am I not allowed to care about you for once? God, you asshole, of course I do! Why wouldn't I? I'm just.. really glad to see you so happy." — He rambled, ripping his glasses off his face with more emotion than he would've liked. Swiping the glassiness of his eyes onto his cheeks, he tried to force a painful smile, but still. He stiffened as Brent gave him something of a somber smile, heart cracking with every second that ticked by. Reasoning and rationality threatened to be swallowed up by his turbulent emotions, even as he gripped his hands together so hard they shook, because why? Why were they put through this? Was it unlucky fate that disdained them, or maybe.. Maybe it was just him. If that was all, then how could he ever be mad or guilty? He didn't deserve this, but he didn't deserve him either, and if Brent truly didn't feel anything for him at all, then he could never ruin his happiest moment. But even still.

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Please, he thought, as he bit his lip so hard he thought it'd bleed, don't walk back to me. Don't give me a reason to make a bad decision.

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"Yeah.." — The room went silent, replaced with wavering smiles and palpable tension. What would he even say at this moment? This was his finality, his never-turning-back.

"Go get em buddy, knock her dead with your dressed up looks!."

"Oh shut up the fuck up." — He laughed once more, but even as he turned around and gripped the door knob, he wanted to stop. Ever fiber of him wanted to turn around, run towards him. Embrace him, kiss him, run away with him; but he couldn't. Not because he didn't want to, but because he simply, couldn't. Too much depended on this marriage. His mother was relying on him, his kingdom was relying on him, Cherie was relying on him. His mother had lost too much, his kingdom had too much to loose, and Cherie was a woman that could bring them the power to end it all; But even still.

Taking a deep breath, he grit and ground his teeth so hard he thought they'd crack. And then, he turned to look back at him once more. And oh, he looked wonderful. His purple brocade vest was embroidered with violet, donning a lacy ruffled cravat as were the cuffs of his sleeves. His pants slim fit and tailored, he looked just like a regular noble, except for his signature mask, which was similarly styled to match his clothing; though his traditional jacket and hat were absconded for the event. Even still, he was perfect, and he wasn't his.

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His eyes lingered just a bit too long, just enough for his hardened heart to crack as his eyes revealed everything he'd wished to hide, unsafe from his best friend's astute observations.

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He swore he saw Sophist's expression change, eyes breaking open into a pool of glassy sorrow, but instead, they closed as he offered Brent an encouraging smile. They squinted back open just slightly but teasingly; a playful gaze that taunted him: "Cold feet, gonna chicken out?" He could practically hear his irritating voice, nagging him in an oh so familiar and lovely way. It helped, as he chuckled and his heart settled just a bit, but even still, he takes a deep breath. He's walking away from what, no, who he loves, but.. as long as he can remain by his side..

It's just enough for him to take the leap forward, as he twists the door knob with a conviction; but even as the light shines on his face and the ballroom explodes with noise, his heart cant help but sink.

[riversofmars]

I did not have writing an omegaverse fic on my 2024 bingo card, but here we are...

[paddysol]

I’m very intrigued by the lifesteal stuff on my dash courtesy of you but I have no idea where to start with it. any chance you could share some recommendations for getting into lifesteal?

I've actually had this question answered before and I'm still just as unsure if I'm the best person to consult (I am going to just copy most of what I said with minor changes bc Ive learned more ✨)

Ok so disclaimer time! I pick favorites and stick with them and have accepted the consequences of not knowing anything outside their povs (also I'm a yt girlie at heart so i lowkey rely on videos than livestreams)

So Lifesteal is still very much a half foot in, half foot out deal due to most of the events usually happening on livestreams so I’m always a bit late on the current happenings.

If you dont mind just throwing yourself into the lore without knowing jackshit, I'd recommend watching PrinceZam, Kaboodle, Pangi, or Derapchu (for livestreams specifically) - I'm sure there's other folks, but I do know that they tend to stream fairly often.

In terms of youtube videos (and slightly being able to catch up on lore) I'd recommend Squiddo (who is a personal favorite of mine, most of her videos tend to be within the half hour mark and are incredibly entertaining the whole way through) as well as Rekrap, JumperWho, Roshambo (though not much for s6), Spokeishere, and Flamefrags. (There are others, as well I'm just listing who come sto mind that)

If you want to get into older seasons I'd recommend watching Branzycraft as he had a fairly regular upload schedule. A lot of lifesteal folks also tend to post longass videos detailing their server journey - though this is often towards the end of seasons or even a bit after. I also recently discovered that saints exist within the fandom and some important events of arcs (such as the eclipse fed/wormhole from s4 have been clipped together into one video).

I have realized (and this may be my own doing) that there’s usually gonna be unexplained gaps in knowledge which is something I’ve just kinda accepted tbh. (Like in general, especially considering the nature of the server and everyone playing 5D chess)

I also tend to doomscroll through character specific tags on tumblr and usually people can be found rambling about events/characterization which is a bit like putting together a puzzle but it slowly comes together (which a piece or two missing)

Again, I hope this was helpful and if anyone has any additional info please feel free to add on!

[soranker]

hi….! any chance we can see your art process ? it’s fine if not! i was wondering if u do a sketch before your lines or you just skip directly to lineart? your art is very beautiful!

HI!!! AUGGHHHJHH THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH T__T my art style is kinda simple imo so my process is pretty bare-bones ^^;; there's not rly much too it!! it also kinda changes depending on how uhhhh lazy im feeling in the moment HAHA

probably around half of my drawings are straight to line art bc they're rly just doodles or things i decide to draw without any planning (but also im kinda impatient so i try to skip the sketching step if i can LOL...). but if i DO have a specific pose in mind for a drawing, i'll start with a sort of mannequin sketch or loose pass, then depending on how messy it is, ill either do the lineart pass on the layer on top or duplicate the sketch and then clean it up.

and then my coloring process is not sophisticated at all i just create a new layer and then paint bucket tool away LMAOOOO

here's an example of a drawing where i did sketch first ^_^

[sea-buns]

so I did start listening to the magnus archives yesterday and right now all it is is some cool short horror stories and I fear for the moment when the mutuals on my dash start making sense

[thickenmyblood]

why did laurent start dating / having sex with maxime, even before nicaise found out? maybe this is something we find out in ch. 20, but throughout hiuh i’ve really struggled to understand or empathize with laurent in this area. you’ve mentioned him being self-destructive, or how it was good for his ego to bring a date in front of damen. but why did he feel the need to throw it in damen’s face when damen was the one who got dumped? why would he let maxime call him baby and walk all over his boundaries when this guy is a total stranger? i know some people have speculated that maxime is a uncle-stand in, but to me that doesn’t parallel bc there the abuse happened because laurent did (unfortunately) love and trust his uncle at the beginning, which enabled his uncle to abuse him. i’m honestly really trying to see where this sexual self-harm aspect of laurent comes from when it’s with a complete stranger who doesn’t seem to like laurent as a person or give him any real affection. he said sex was the foundation of their relationship, which seems odd for an ascetic person like laurent who even in hiuh canon doesn’t seem to have engaged in that kind of relationship before dating damen, when he was in a way worse physical and emotional state, unless i’m wrong.

i really, really hope this doesn’t come off as criticizing or accusatory in any way — it is your story and you can characterize laurent any way you want! to me it’s felt like this is the one area so far where laurent has been extremely defensive and refuses to take responsibility, even though it really hurt damen — not just being jealous, but being compared to maxime over and over again by laurent’s friends and implicitly by laurent himself — not to mention how it hurt nicaise. yes, damen had flings, but he didn’t try to replace laurent after two months or ever shove it in laurent’s face. and yet it feels like damen over-apologizes for ever asking about maxime or suggesting laurent’s behavior was harmful. i don’t see how damen could get over this massive insecurity when laurent appears to ridicule or dismiss him for bringing it up, like with the condom conversation or the pet name issue.

feel free to ignore this message, but always appreciate hearing why you chose a particular characterization!

hello! i get this question every once in a while so i thought i'd answer it today since we're about to be done with the story. i didn't take it as an attack or anything and it's a very cool question!

but why did he feel the need to throw it in damen’s face when damen was the one who got dumped?

in a way, reading your ask, i think you answered some of these things yourself. why did he bring maxime to a bunch of events knowing damen would be there? because he wanted the upper hand, he wanted to be seen as having moved on (remember that he thinks damen has moved on, too), because it's an ego thing. but why do it if he was the one who dumped damen? same answers, but i'd add that it's implied in the story that laurent was surprised and hurt by how easily damen went along with the break up. laurent brings it up, says he can't do it anymore, and damen just goes to work and never comes back. once again, in a toxic and insecure way, there was a part of laurent that wanted damen to fight for it, to say "wait, let's turn things around" or something. obviously, that didn't happen, and laurent interpreted that as confirmation of a lot of negative thoughts he was already dealing with (damen wants out of this but he doesn't know how to do it, damen's too "nice" to say that he wants out, damen is looking for excuses to start arguments bc he's trying to get me to end this, etc.)

this is not me justifying laurent in any way. was it childish and immature to bring maxime to events bc he knew damen would be there and he wanted, along with all the reasons listed above, to make damen jealous? yes, probably. is it petty? yes. is it ooc? i don't know. i think laurent does exhibit some pettiness in the books.

why would he let maxime call him baby and walk all over his boundaries when this guy is a total stranger? i know some people have speculated that maxime is a uncle-stand in, but to me that doesn’t parallel bc there the abuse happened because laurent did (unfortunately) love and trust his uncle at the beginning, which enabled his uncle to abuse him. i’m honestly really trying to see where this sexual self-harm aspect of laurent comes from when it’s with a complete stranger who doesn’t seem to like laurent as a person or give him any real affection.

this part of the question is a bit more complicated for me to explain. i 100% agree with people's complaints that in this aspect hiuh laurent is ooc (compared to canon laurent). in the books, he doesn't sleep with anyone but damen, so everything regarding laurent/other men is always going to be ooc in some way (unless it's non con, i suppose).

maxime has to be a stranger. maxime has to be someone laurent doesn't care about, doesn't value, doesn't respect. it would never work between them if maxime was not a stranger, which is ultimately what happens in the fic (let's, for a second, ignore the fact that they also don't work out bc lamen are in love lol). when maxime wants more, laurent cuts him out.

why does he have to be a stranger? because hiuh laurent's biggest issue in this story is that he can't be vulnerable enough to be loved and accept that love. he loved damen, but he couldn't get to a level of vulnerability that allowed him to explain himself, to show himself to damen as he really is, and without that a relationship can't last. when you feel like you have to hide parts of yourself from the person you love, eventually that turns into resentment and anger and hurt.

when he starts sleeping with maxime, he's not looking for another boyfriend. he's not looking for love. he's not sleeping with maxime because he's too horny to function either. he lets maxime fuck him because there is something to prove. and here I have to apologize because to me this detail was so clear during my writing process that I'm only now realizing I did not do a good enough job of integrating it EXPLICITLY into the story. what is there to prove? laurent has only ever slept with two people in his life and only damen was a pleasurable, consensual situation. so, here's the setting: laurent and damen break up, they go no contact, months pass, laurent is STRUGGLING (nicaise mentions this time and time and time again in the fic), laurent has no way of knowing that damen is also miserable, laurent has no way of knowing that damen hasn't moved on (damen is, actually, at this point in time, fucking other people). laurent isn't looking for love or dates or romance, but then maxime shows up and he gives laurent an opportunity to prove to himself several things:

he has effectively moved on from damen (in his mind, having sex with other people = the ultimate 'i'm done with damen" move)

he is in control. he has only had consensual sex with one person in his life, which gives damen symbolic power over him in a weird, fucked up way. or... maybe the word isn't power, but status. damen has a status in laurent's mind and memories because he's the first person laurent CHOSE to have sex with, the first person he loved and showed him it could be good, etc. as long as damen maintains that status, laurent will never stop thinking about him, will never have anything to compare damen to and say "see, it wasn't that big of a deal". which brings me to...

he wants to minimize damen. he wants dismiss what damen meant to him, what their entire relationship meant, so it can be easier to move on. how do you move on if you're thinking "oh I broke up with the love of my life lol"? laurent needs to tell himself what he had with damen wasn't unique, wasn't that special. he can have it again (the SEXUAL part).

needless to say, this fails. he has sex with maxime and finds that it's nothing like it was with damen because it's WORSE, because having sex with damen was having sex with someone who knew him and loved him and respected him. laurent has sex with maxime but he's still thinking about damen, he's still in love with damen, the same way damen is having sex with kyra or trying to date iris while thinking and missing laurent.

once this realization sort of sinks in (yes, he can have sex with other people, yet that doesn't erase damen's status in his brain bc damen was special for a bunch of reasons I'm not gonna type in here - THEY'RE IN LOVE, YOUR HONOR) that's when the self-harm comes into the picture. (this is discussed a bit in ch20 so SPOILERS but)

what kind of sex are maxime and laurent having? it's not the slow, gentle, love making stuff damen knows laurent was into. it's rough, it's degrading, it's not as pleasurable, it's a chore, it leaves marks. does laurent want those marks? we don't know. does maxime ask him if he does? we don't know. you can make it as non con as you want because the text doesn't go into detail.

the petnames. "why does laurent like it when maxime says it but not damen?" I don't think he does. he never gives damen a straight answer on this, but he does say that it makes him feel like a bimbo. it makes him feel slightly degraded. he says it wasn't terrible, but he never says he wanted it or that it was good. it's implied that damen tried it once or twice at the very beginning of their relationship, and I think we can all tell why laurent didn't like it back then with him either (bimbo feelings, laurent using him for money, the power imbalance, etc.)

uncle parallels. okay, this one's a bit tricky. yes, you're right to think that the abuse laurent's uncle subjected him to is nothing like his relationship with maxime for a plethora of reasons, but I think the narrative supports some people's opinions that maxime does resemble uncle in some ways (older, brunette, has a beard). i did not write maxime as a literal uncle stand in, so of course it's not going to be a perfect comparison. i wouldn't even call maxime and laurent's relationship abusive.

he said sex was the foundation of their relationship, which seems odd for an ascetic person like laurent who even in hiuh canon doesn’t seem to have engaged in that kind of relationship before dating damen, when he was in a way worse physical and emotional state, unless i’m wrong.

i tried to mirror canon in hiuh when it comes to laurent's... choices? in canon, damen is the first person he's with after his uncle because he's the only one laurent trusts. i don't have any doubts that canon laurent was terribly lonely and probably wanted to be loved waaaaay before damen came into the picture (post uncle, I mean) but his context and environment were so violent and dangerous that he couldn't let his guard down. similarly, in hiuh, laurent leaves his uncle's house without any money and in a very vulnerable position. he's not exactly carefree and happy and able to be like "oh I wanna date and fool around!! explore my sexuality!!!!" - in fact, this is a pretty big plot point in hiuh: laurent did contact damen out of pure necessity.

and yes, sex is the foundation of maxime/laurent for all the reasons I stated above, but at the same time it's not all about sex. it's not even about sex. it's about control and self-punishment. it's about self-hatred. we also don't know what state laurent was in when he started seeing maxime because we don't have his pov, but we do have nicaise's testimony. again, this is briefly mentioned in ch20, but it wasn't exactly pretty.

however, having said all of this, i'm not blind or dumb enough to think oh hiuh laurent is sooooo canon laurent, not a trace of ooc-ness. i get where the characterization issues are coming from. at the end of the day, I have to say that this post summarizes a tiny bit of what went into creating hiuh laurent. i tried to make him as canon as possible, but I'm not pacat and so my characterization is different. my setting is different. the modern au is different. it is completely fair to read hiuh and think as a reader "i would not have gone in this direction, i don't think laurent would ever be with someone who isn't damen, i don't think it's consistent with his canon self". i accept those comments in the same way i accept those that say they love this laurent bc of XYZ.

this is the one area so far where laurent has been extremely defensive and refuses to take responsibility, even though it really hurt damen

i understand this, but at the same time i don't know how much responsibility laurent can take over that when it's... just dating/fucking someone else after a break up. he should apologize for making damen feel bad on purpose (perhaps taking maxime places), but the rest of it... damen also fucked and thought about dating other people. the comparisons you mention were cruel, but they were made, for example, by characters like aimeric (removed from the narrative entirely later on) and ancel (who tells damen he was wrong, who tells damen he thinks laurent made a mistake letting him go).

i don’t see how damen could get over this massive insecurity when laurent appears to ridicule or dismiss him for bringing it up, like with the condom conversation or the pet name issue.

i understand that, but i also think damen's insecurity wasn't born just from this issue. he is an insecure person throughout the fic. his toxic masculinity is one way this insecurity and lack of self-confidence manifest, for example. his fixation on penetrative sex. his fixation on performance. his fixation on parenting like laurent because his own way is wrong. his fixation on never thinking about the things and people he lacks because he can't take it.

yes, laurent played a huge role in feeding that insecurity, but I'm failing to see where he is ridiculing damen. during the condom conversation, laurent snaps because he feels judged and attacked, not because he's making fun of damen's pain. during the pet name conversation, the same thing happens. and in both instances, damen is judging laurent. he judges laurent really harshly in other scenes, too, like when they find out about claude.

some of these issues are talked about in ch20, but I don't think there is a scene where laurent addresses everything. perhaps he should. i just didn't write it.

[dorkicon]

venting onthe robot blog yet again. tw death in the tags

[the-judicial-assistants-notebook]

I see your tags on the Wocky and Alita art, I would love to hear your thoughts on Alita actually!

I only need one person to show interest in what I have to say for me to talk forever and ever, thank you. HAHA Okay, in seriousness, this won't be as thorough/long as the Klavier post because... there really isn't much to her, but I find it extremely interesting how Alita falls into the same category of witnesses as April May and Dahlia without being — and I mean no offence to her when I say this — stunning? Like, with April and Dahlia, there's a very clear mass appeal to them which most people point out. Contrariwise, Alita's appearance is really only commented on by Trucy, and just glancing at her portrait, you can see that, without her slightly outlandish fashion, she's frankly nothing to write home about.

So why am I discussing this? Surely it's a little reductive to analyse female characters beginning with their appearances? Usually, yes, but that's the thing about this category of witnesses: their pretty faces aren't just pretty faces.

For April and Dahlia, their beauty is part of their arsenal. It functions as both their defence and their weapon of choice; they know how to wield it to bring people under their heel. Alita being ordinarily pretty instead of drop-dead gorgeous deprives her of that weapon and leads you to wonder how she became a mafia heiress to begin with. It also parallels her to Mimi Miney in a way that goes beyond the 'murderous nurse who worked for and killed her awful boss' comparison you get on the surface. Presumably, Alita, like Mimi, only got to where she was because she managed to fool the people around her into believing she was less dangerous than she actually is. Mimi did this by feigning stupidity and inviting people to underestimate her. Alita seems to do this by showing them what they want to see.

When she first meets Apollo and Trucy, Alita stays quiet and spends more time listening to them than she does talking. Once she has a hold on who they are, then she slips into her persona, and I find it interesting how she doesn't even attempt to come across as particularly delicate or lovelorn? Instead she goes for the relatively typical role of a distressed, indulgent loved one earnestly entreating Apollo for help. I'm inclined to say she does this because her read on Apollo makes her realise that he'd likely be exasperated or annoyed by such a person; but it's also almost as if she knows she doesn't have the disposition to pull off that frail, damsel-in-distress archetype and has resigned herself to being ordinary. Like how she looks. The next time she has to reapply her persona, Alita's appearing in court, and again she makes subtle adjustments that best suit her situation. The judge is old, so she takes a chance on expressing her dedication as a wife while balancing her dedication as a righteous citizen, which works. But oddly enough, despite her successes, I don't think Alita is actually good? At donning disguises? Everyone I've seen discuss this case has been able to guess almost immediately that she's the culprit, and maybe we're just prepped by past characters like her that have appeared, but I don't think she's even that convincing in the game.

Both the identities she assumes are risky manoeuvres that happen to fall in her favour, and she's not particularly dedicated to maintaining the front. When she asks Apollo to be Wocky's defence, she admits that marrying him is largely a chance at a more exciting life than some great love story; Plum Kitaki straight up says that there's a darkness in Alita she doesn't like, despite how docile Alita behaves in front of her; and Wocky has moments where he slips up and calls her things like, "imposter" and "fallen angel", implying that at least subconsciously, he knows she's not what she makes herself out to be. Even her general mannerisms don't greatly differ between her actual self and the mask who's blunt her claws — nothing is ever overtly coy or cutesy — and when Apollo brings up the fact she was Wocky's nurse, she drops the facade almost immediately. There's no waffling, no, "Whatever do you mean?"s or, "You're scaring me"s, just the statement, "I don't know what you mean by 'meaning', Mr. Justice!" delivered in a sudden cool, frosted steeliness.

And I think that steel is what really makes her different.

See, the other women are all driven to crime by some defining trait in themselves caused by their circumstances. For Dahlia, it's her desperate need to be free of the Fey clan; for Mimi, it's grief over her sister's unjust death; and for April, it's her fear of Redd White. You don't really get that with Alita. Instead of there being something dark in her life that leads her down this path, she just seems... tired. Tired of being "pretty enough" but not "gorgeous", tired of being the obedient nurse to the corrupt doctor, tired of being ordinary. There's no predatory external force pushing her into a corner, there's no abusive family beliefs pinning her down. There's just an ordinary life, lived dull and ordinarily, and she had had enough. So what does this girl, who's tired and ordinary in every way except the steel that lines her spine, do to get out of this?

She gambles.

Marrying into the mafia was a gamble, seeking Apollo as council was a gamble, shooting Dr. Meraktis was a gamble. Every decision she's made since she met Wocky has been a series of high-stakes gambles that leave her life on the line all so she won't be second-best anymore. This time, she was going to be the one on top. No matter what.

... And I'm sorry for loving evil women, but girlboss?? Girlboss???

I've heard people say they're disappointed that her "breakdown" is just an extension of her usual damage sprite, but it's honestly one of my favourite "breakdowns" in the series ever? Just because it isn't really one? Everything Alita has done up till now has been reckless, calculated risk, of course being convicted for murder is no different than losing in any other aspect of her life. Of course you're not going to get more than her damaged sprite, because this doesn't warrant a more dramatic reaction. She's lived this whole time knowing it could all come crashing down around her, and it finally did.

She made a bad bet. You caught her. Oh well.

The frosted girl of steel, standing tall to the very end. It's kind of sad that, even after all that, she's still seen as only second-best, incomparable to mimi, dahlia or any of the other women who've stood in her place.

[welcometogrouchland]

Finally saw Wicked today. I fear it is, in fact, actually all that and a bag of chips. Like it is genuinely that good

[kineticallyanywhere]

Matt "I can and will remind everyone that Link is REALLY wierd about Normal with like no real explination at this point" Arnold out here like "let me see if I can underminine my entire point in this character arc defining interaction" and I unironically love him for it Link is SUCH a messy b word rn

(this turned into a long response, let's talk Fascinating Character Flaws!)

I dont think it's so much that he's weird about Normal, if I'm understanding what you mean by 'weird', especially in this episode. I feel like it circles back to what I keep thinking about, which is his newest teen fact. the one where he-- does this count as poisoning? he made other children ill in a fit of jealousy for anyone having any time with his dads.

listen, I've had many homeschooled friends. At one point in college I was the "actually went to public school" member of the friend group. People can go in and out of homeschooling and be... not whatever the heck Link has going on. I was excited for him when that fact started, like, "oh he was part of a cohort!" until uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!

(the following are thoughts that I'm still developing in my head as I type and probably after I post)

whether it's due to the overprotective parenting or just Link's nature or a Symptom of a Condition (op has their own Condition but is not a psychologist) Link's got an issue with like. not getting what he wants? not usually in super obvious ways, it's not spelled out, he doesn't throw tantrums or anything. unless you count the thing at Normal about Normal not wanting to do "cool plans." and most of the time he doesn't want anything complicated, his wants have been pretty straight forward and in line with what anyone would want in these circumstances. he wants people to not die is the big major one, he wants to not feel betrayed again, he wants his friends to stop fighting, he wants to get this over with NOW. and he's been going through so much of not getting what he wants (COMPLETELY REASONABLE THINGS TO WANT, IN THIS CASE. TRAUMATIC THINGS TO NOT GET) that he seems to not know what he wants at all anymore.

like, his understanding of the world has been rocked so bad that he's pretty sure all those things I just listed just aren't things he can have. in the past whenever he needled his parents or acted out or did certain things he'd get what he wanted. not to say that he's spoiled but uh... okay yeah I am saying that a bit. but mostly in the ways that it keeps him from developing the coping mechanisms for when you ask something from life and it punches you in the teeth instead.

So in a world where he doesn't know how to get what he wants and maybe he isn't sure what he even can want, he's kinda just shutting down internally. In the mean time, he may as well make sure his friends get what they want, and then maybe at some point he'll want something again. so, in a way, what he wants is to feel and want something, so that "wants what he wants" part of him snapped out again at Normal with "well at least you're feeling something." in other words, "you have the thing that I want right now, and I'm gonna sound pretty bitter about not having it myself" which is an effed up thing to say when that thing he's having is a mental breakdown.

Link. Buddy. Bud. Kiddo. Pal. you need Help.

tl;dr and conclusion: imo for their mental health the party should split into Link & Taylor and Scary & Normal again for an episode or two. Norm and Scary for hopefully obvious reasons; and Link and Taylor because while Taylor is unquestionably a rich kid spoiled for material goods who is very good at wanting things, he is also a kid who's mom knows how to say "No. Absolutely Not. Give me the knife right now I don't care what seppuku is" and who's dad left an emotional void for over a decade that he is clearly adept in coping with and he could give Link some pointers.

also because it would be a cool callback and parallel to early episodes to do those pairs again. see how they've changed and stuff