#IT LITERALLY CANT BE ANYTHING ELSE BRO LIKE........ IM NOT GETTING ANY ACTION I NEVER HAVE

[lokh]

DID you know u can get blisters on ur clit.

[miikewazowski]

i HOPE you see this.

disclaimer: this post is filled with all the hate i could possibly emit. it is everything i want to say to him, so please excuse my french. it is the punch to his nuts that i should have given him then. it is the mental pain i wish i could have reciprocated in the moment. 

other disclaimer: i am not a violent person. i do not condone violence. this post is simply my demons having a little freedom for a moment. they are running amuck in my head. i need them out. i never abused anyone, i was always the one BEING abused.

you fucking suck. you are probably the worst human i have ever met. youre fucking crazy. you should be a mental patient. and if you need proof of that, i have it sweetie. i will have it until the day i die. in case your dumbass tries some shit in the future. “wHy ArE yOu ReCoRdInG” fucking dumbass. i have all your little meltdowns on tape. you yelling at me, you scaring my DOG. you PUNCHING YOUR OWN DOG, you telling lies, you pulling out the GUN, should i keep going? you cant be trusted. and we ALL know you have your fucking family wrapped around your little finger. you treat them like SHIT and they still care about you. they still think theres something there worth saving. first hand i can tell you, you are a shell of a human. YOU KNOW HOW FUCKED UP YOU ARE AND YET YOU STILL REFUSE TO BE HELPED. so fucking be it bro. what really pisses me off is you just fucking got away with ALL OF IT. i called the cops on you TWICE and both times you stopped me. i WISH one of them went through. i was on the phone with the girl while you were screaming. hoping you wouldnt see me on the phone. i couldnt put it up to my ear. do you know HOW BADLY i wanted her to trace the call. i was BEGGING for the universe to save me from your insane ass. you are a piece of shit. karma is on its way to you. i manifest it every day. i hope your life is awful. i hope nothing ever goes your way. i hope you rot in hell, oh how i wish hell was real. people like you deserve to live there. burning. in constant agony. YOU NEED TO ATONE FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME. YOU NEED TO BE PUNISHED FOR YOUR ACTIONS. YOU NEED TO OWN UP TO THEM. I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO LIVE IN SILENCE. THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW YOUR FACE, YOUR NAME, YOUR ENTIRE BEING.

YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE.

YOU PUT ME IN DANGER WITHOUT ANY REGARD.

YOU SHOULD BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE.

takes u to court for emotional turmoil

bitch i would sue you for everything you OWN

i should have taken bucket. youre going to kill that dog one day. for fucks sake you punched him full force in the head because he tried to lick your popsicle. then threw him across the room like a football. i should have called the animal police bro. you cant even take care of yourself, why are you being trusted with a helpless dog? i dont give a fuck about you. let me make that clear. you dont deserve anything in this world as far as im concerned. but that dog, that dog needs to be saved.

you are LUCKY that you still have your family, unfortunately for them. but they are all you will ever have. you are a gaslighter. and i hope to fucking GOD that you dont entrap ANYONE else. live alone, die alone. 

that being said, you pussy ass bitch, if you MIRACULOUSLY decide to admit yourself and become a GOOD PERSON, then MAYBE i will consider manifesting positivity for you. but if you are still the same abusive asshole that i lived with, then i will continuously wish nothing but hell for you.

but heres the thing about GASLIGHTERS. its in your DNA fuckhead. your brain is LITERALLY fucked up. so you cant change. and i doubt you will. because you are “fine”.

well, YOU DONT GET TO GET AWAY WITH THIS. the more i heal, the more i see the truth. you manipulated my entire life. i became a pet to you. a pet that you abused. im basically bucket. i loved you unconditionally, and you abused that love. YOU ARE AN ABUSER. YOU ARE DANGEROUS. you need to be stopped. and i will live with this pain for the rest of my life because of you. i will ALWAYS remember what you put me through/did to me. if i EVER see you on the street, i WILL catch a case I. DONT. GIVE. A. FUCK.  DONT YOU ever STEP IN MY LANE AGAIN. you are dead to me. i was the best thing you ever had. i hope you think of me. i hope you miss me. i hope your heart aches from the loss of me. i hope the pain is as unbearable as the pain you caused me.

now heres where you misunderstood me.

you took me for a fool. someone that you could manipulate endlessly. you must have thought i was dumb. LMFAO. i love HARD but i am NO idiot. i saw you. i KNOW the real you. and it gets clearer every day. you cant run from who you are. and if i have to let the world know who you are too, i will. so stay low. dont make any noise. dont hurt another SOUL. or i’ll pop up. you dont get to hurt anyone else. i refuse to let it happen. i crave justice and revenge. only thing keeping me quiet now, is i dont want to be a bad person. i dont want drama. you aint worth it motherfucker. but im ready for anything. you can not be trusted.

so keep telling your lies. keep everyone thinking you have a halo. keep abusing people. keep it up. i know you will end up where you are supposed to be. people like you dont make it very far in life. 

just know, as long as im alive, you have an enemy walking this earth.

fuck you w, d.e.

[einsk8rot]

man i really did just realize (a lot after looking at @emmiewtf 's posts and @//animemindset on tik tok they are so cool) why the last episode really did overall feel so much more unsatisfactory and didnt have like. as much oomf as it could've. (tiny tl:dr at the end if you cant read through this all this do be long)

despite having some really cool ass scenes and little things and some cute ass renga stuff. it was so much more focused and around adam than usual? and being genuinely uncomfortable and still not really liking adam because he's still. super creepy. its really just kinda disappointing to see how focused it was on him and how he literally didn't get like any consequences for any of the shit he pulled? like cool clown man you like skateboarding again, are we like gonna acknowledge the constant assault of skaters you went against, one being reki why is obviously just a minor trying to have fun while you literally traumatized him? like so much of the shit that happened to reki. adam inadvertently or not caused that and the fear of him getting left behind by langa and stuff because of how adam skated with reki. like i don't know if this makes sense and im super happy reki is happy with skating again but that shit and trauma still happened and led reki to that downward spiral and i feel like we don't talk about that enough. and adam still like. never got any consequences for that. if not for weird ass behavior around people that are literally minors, especially knowing how adam acts and that adam had some sort of connection with miya who's like. hardly 13-14 or so. you had a fucked family life and childhood and it's understandable to change because of that but just because your past is shit doesnt mean you commit assault for fun and act like that to kids. and innocent people just watching like when he used bystanders when he raced. that wasn't fun that was just. concerning. and he got no punishments, he like, as i understand practically got away free

he genuinely is not a character i like. and many people probably feel the same. the last episode was more focused on him and redeeming him compared to others and it really just didn't feel right. more focus on the protagonists, reki and langa, ESPECIALLY reki just would've made it better i think? more about their relationship, cherry, joe, MIYA. miya like, got so pushed on the back burner in the more recent episodes? didn't even get an on screen apology or proper explanation of reki's situation and as someone who genuinely loves miya that was. pretty disappointing please give miya more appreciation. but despite that uh. reki and langa's relationship was like, practically used to give adam a reason to skate for fun again. which is. like alright i guess? i just really didnt like it. it was fucking amazing to see langa break out of 'the zone' type thing because of reki and him putting fun in his skateboard but the focus on teaching adam thats its fun. it makes sense, it was practically expected considering how focused the show is on skateboarding being fun but after all the stuff adam did it wasn't satisfying seeing him get away with everything and suddenly be sort of friends? like ok with the rest of the cast. (ALSO TADASHI WHY WERE YOU OK WITH THE DOG THING???? DUDE???????? his like. love for skating once again is back i guess? but bro that. alright if he's into that im not judgin)

episodes like episode 6, 10, and 11 were my favorites and that's solely based on it being more centric on the actual protagonists and the cast genuinely having fun. and adam getting what he deserves. or adam must not being there HEHAHAHEJHFV so. in episode 6 there was like no adam and it was just the main 6 having fun! it was a genuinely great episode to watch with the cutest moments, plus some good ass foreshadowing? okay just more subtle buildup of reki's insecurities with some really nice moments while also being funny and fun! and that was really nice to watch! i think episodes 10 and 11, moreso 10 are my favorites because they're reki-centric. episode 10, we got to see so many intense character moments, shadow literally getting fucking bonked by that dude with his manager (STILL SAD OVER HER GETTING WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHERE IS THE HIROMI APPRECIATION HE TOOK A BAT. LIKE MULTIPLE HITS TO THE HEAD FOR HER???), i think that was the episode with the matchablossom carry? MANAGER OKA MOMENTS WE LOVE TO SEE IT HELL YES GET IT MAN WE LOVE TO SEE THE SUPPORT AND ADVICE TO REKI. TADASHI TAKING REKI TO A LOVE HOTEL?? THAT WAS SO OUT OF NOWHERE BUT ACTUALLY SO FUNNY TO ME (kinda creepy when he asked have you never been here before like. tadashi he's like, 17, please) and HOO BOY. LIKE ALL OF THE REKI MOMENTS IN THE EPISODE. GETTING MORE INSIGHT IN REKIS PAST (WHO IS!!! THE GANG HE WAS WITH!!!!!!!) AND SEEING HIM SLOWLY START TO REGAIN HIS LOVE FOR SKATING AND APOLOGIZE TO LANGA???? LITERALLY THE WHOLE SCENE WHEN HE RECONNECTED WITH LANGA. NOW THAT WAS SATISFYING. SEEING THE WAY THAT REKI LIT UP AGAIN WHEN HE REALIZED SKATING WAS FUN. HIS CONFIDENCE COMING BACK. SKATING WITH LANGA BECAUSE SKATING IS PRACTICALLY LOVE AND THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE SO THAT WAS ENOUGH. THE WAY LANGA WAS FOCUSED ON REKI. HIS BOARD WAS BROKEN BUT HIS TOP PRIORITY ISN'T JUST SKATING, IT WAS REKI. IT WASN'T FUN WITHOUT REKI AND HE LOVES IT BECAUSE ITS WITH REKI. AND EPISODE TEN JUST REALLY SHOWED REKI AND LANGA'S RELATIONSHIP PERFECTLY AND THE MAKE UP WAS SO GENUINELY SATISFYING WITH THE CUTEST FUCKING MOMENTS. THAT COMBINED WITH HOW GOOD THE PROGRESSION OF REKI WAS THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE REALLY JUST MADE IT HIT TO ME. it actually focused on the protagonists. and it was. so good. i will give anything to feel the same way i did watching episode ten for the first time again. it was a rollercoaster in all the perfect ways and it was just so genuinely fun and satisfying. and episode 11? was the perfect continuation of that for me.

episode 11. was so good. as i've seen many people say, its like reki reclaiming his spot as the main character and one of the main protagonists. he took a chance on the rain, he went against adam again and this time showed he wasn't afraid. he was just having fun and he was overcoming adam because of it. it wasn't just the board he made. this was emphasis on reki's own skills and confidence and how it got him to, even with not actually winning the race, he fuckin won. he showed adam who the hell he was. he showed EVERYONE what he was capable of despite of how much everyone doubted him. and do you know what makes that doubt people had in him even better? okay that wasn't worded really well but the doubt people had in him made the payoff of his success even better. but its the way that langa didn't fucking doubt him for a moment. he had his FULL TRUST in reki the entire time even when pretty much everyone else wanted him to give up. expected him and wanted him to stand down against adam. but langa believed and trusted reki. and even when he didn't win his first thought was to check on him and protect him from adam. renga's relationship, platonic or not is just. so amazing. so fucking beautiful despite the ups and downs because of how much care. the amount of trust they have in eachother, how they just know and understand eachother. its fun and okay because its the two of them. and that showed throughout the episode and i loved that. BUT ENOUGH RENGA. THE FOCUS ON REKI IN THE EPISODE. i believe in reki supremacy and that he needs more appreciation as the main character, the protagonist, and hoo boy. eleven was THE most satisfying shit. ARE WE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT REKI EFFECTIVELY, DESPITE TALENT, COPIED LANGA'S TRICK? HOW HE SORTA REVERSE LOVE HUGGED ADAM? HOW HE USED AND LEARNED THE THINGY MIYA TAUGHT HIM yes i forgot the name IN THE FIRST RACE WITH ADAM. HOW REKI IS SO GOOD AT LEARNING THAT SHIT JUST BECAUSE ITS FUN. HE JUST DID IT BECAUSE IT SEEMED MORE FUN AND THATS SO AMAZING. PLUS THE CONFIDENCE REKI HAS? THE RESILIENCE HE HOLDS? HOW HE KEPT STANDING UP? TAKING EVERY THROW SPIN AND PUNCH once again fuck adam thats just a kid having fun and you were punching him until he was bleeding. if he didn't pull away, adam had those spiky things on his elbows. he would've genuinely hurt reki AGAIN. PLUS HIM PULLING THE FULL SWING KISS ON REKI???????? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. LIKE THE WAY REKI EVADED IT WAS SO COOL GO OFF REKI BABY YOU'RE DOING AMAZING BUT ADAM WHAT THE FUCK. but on the note of reki being amazing again, this episode really did show that. it had so much focus on reki and showed how him being reki, his confidence, the skills he developed himself, his love for skating is what makes him amazing. him being reki. thats what made people like him. thats what gave him everyone's support. thats what made him practically win and show that he IS the main character. that was reki at his BEST. the satisfaction of proving everyone wrong. his found skating family being so hyped and proud of him. AND HOO. FUCKING, BOY, ANOTHER ONE OF THE BESTS PART OF ELEVEN WAS ADAM EATING SHIT. WHAT HE FUCKING DESERVED. the mentality of the s goers and fans is kinda dumb with them not really caring about reki until this and literally bashing him still sorta at the start of the race. then immediately clowning adam, but adam like actually deserves the clowning hah. bitch. the best part of episode 11 was not only reki, but how they treated adam. he was GETTING what he deserved. seeing adam on the ground and fallen. people booing him and focusing on reki being cool as shit instead of adam winning. that was so fucking satisfying. taking the 'king' away from his throne after all the fuckery he's done, him being shunned. now that was beautiful. that was what i liked and adored. 11 once again, reki-centric, and adam getting some punishment for his actions. that was amazing. that was what i liked. i watched sk8 for reki and seeing that made me scream in delight.

episodes 10 and 11 were just, yeah. the focus on the main characters and adam getting what he deserved. the renga relationship moments were just. something about them both was just perfect and i hope i conveyed that right. episode 12 just . didn't make me feel all that much. at least compared to those 2. and that's pretty much completely because of adam. and because after 10 and 11, 12 really was just. kinda underwhelming i guess? the adam-centricness of it. the use of langa's love for reki and skateboarding for adam's sake really was just kinda. eh. THE ENDING AND ACTUAL MOMENTS THAT HIGHLIGHTED REKI AND LANGA WERE BEAUTIFUL AS ALWAYS but the adamness was just. yeah. it was. mm. all of my rant juice is like running out ive been typing this for like an hour so

TL;DR: the focus on and redemption of adam and not our mains was what made 12 so eh. the characters and their relationships is what makes sk8 so good and the sudden focus on adam was just. mm if you read all of that i hope that made sense and please feel to add on and respond!! i love seeing people's insight on things and i tend to forget about stuff when i rant!

[jojosbabe]

Sorry not sorry but i need to say it. Get mad at me. Whatever. But it needs to be said.

Warning: angry vent. And canon death mentions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jotaro wasn't as close to kakyoin as y'all think he was or want to make it.

Kakyoin was more closer to polnareff as a friend.

What do you have anything to add to kakyoin's character outside fucking shipping?

Nothing.

Shipping aside. Any kind. What do you have to offer in content,art,and creative input?

Nothing.

I have yet to see anyone do kakyoin justice. As a character. By himself. Without the aid of another character.

He is compelling as a character by himself. And Has potential to be more. And yet what do y'all give me and other kakyoin fans?

Garbage,zero,Nothing.

This isn't just because i like the character. Or self ship with many jojo characters.

This isn't fair in general.

I just feel some people just don't really care that that shit hurts me man.

Jotaro was more upset and distraught over his grandfather almost dying than anything else.

Polnareff has to witness two deaths (twice with avdol. Funny how y'all never mention avdol in your tragic sdc deaths. Hmmmmm)

Joseph actually witnessed kakyoins death and it is more traumatic cuz he also in BT witnessed ceaser dying. So yeah war flashbacks. Literally.

So no. Jotaro wasn't there to actually witness kakyoin dying. And it more likely would be an afterthought. And more of a "shit man. He was a good guy." He would be sad. Yes. But not as distraught as you think he'd be or make it out to be.

Araki clearly stated that if it was not for that journey and the fact they were stand users. They wouldn't be friends. So obviously they aint as chummy pals as people proclaim.

It doesn't mean jotaro doesn't care for kakyoin or visa versa.

It doesn't mean they cant be friends.

BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN THEY WERE CLOSE! YOU CAN CARE ABOUT PEOPLE WITHOUT BEING SUPER FUCKING BFF CHUMMY PALS. JESUS CHRIST ON A CHEESE RITZ!

You can care about people a normal amount. God.

Jotaro doesn't need to be super close to have him care about others. He cares because thats just who is is. It aint super vocal. But he shows it in his actions. He cares because aquarius. His sign btw. Is a humanitarian priority #1. He care because he just do. He dont need to be pals to do it.

He just do it.

Kakyoin is a leo. As a leo myself. We do shit for people we close to. And kakyoin was closer to polnareff. They had a big bro little bro type friendship. They kept each other in line. And legit made a friend handshake while almost drowning. If that aint leo and sagittarius friendship vibes i dunno what is. Lmfao.

Kakyoin deserves better than what he gets.

This aint because i like him. Or even slightly kin him.

I just wanna see him written better by fans.

I don't trust people outside shipping to add anything good to the table.

Even i who mainly writes and does self shipping. Tries to do stuff outside my own self ships. I do have a life outside my f/os.

And even in a relationship. Real life or self shipping. You have a life outside your darlings. And so do they. Make them feel real. Therefore. The roleplay,the fics,the x readers,the self shipping,etc. All of that. Will feel much more realistic and much more personal. And actually feel good imho.

Anyways im done venting.

Please treat kakyoin better.

Hell treat all of the crusaders better.

Just do better.

Plz.

[evildeerboy]

vent about life idk what else to say. or even who to say this to. im really struggling. do not message me about this. this is just a vent.

so im pretty sure my relationship is just. like. basically dead. we dont see each other anymore, were constantly fighting, theres no romance, no sex, like its fucking nothing. we watch tv together. thats it. he doesnt want me. he makes it very clear with his words and actions that he doesnt want me. he ahs no interest in anything i do.

i initiate anything that ever happpens. like .. he never holds me back when i hold him. i dont get any affection. or words of love. i feel like im putting my feelings into a black hole that doesnt want to feel back for me other than an empty “i love you” before bed that doesnt feel ike it maeans anything.(i have asked him wjy he loves me before and he doesnt answer. i used to have answers to that question)  ive been sleeping on the couch for unrelated reasons. i dont even WANT to sleep next to him if i had the option

i cant do anything about this tho.. im literally trapped. we had a long convo a few weeks ago about what would happen if we broke up. he would go back to his moms. a toxic place where his brother LITERALLY steals his money and valuables and his mom turns a blind eye and takes his bros side always. but if he broke up with me he would rather be there than with me. even though literally nothing would change about our relationship if we were not dating.

i guess that wouldnt be a big deal except that i CANT LIVE WITH ANYONE ELSE. hes my only roommate option. i live with my brother also right now but me + my brothers income isnt enough for a 2bd, and i cant afford a 1bd with my own income. i have NO ONE ELSE. im legit trapped in this relationship because if we broke up i would be homeless. i have NO family i can stay with bc i have a cat.

Soooo yeah im basically trapped in a loveless relationship bc if we break up i will be fucking homeless. I feel like theres literally nothing i can do. I dont want to be doing this anymore. Sorry to vent. i just. have no hope for the future. I constantly crave intamicy and affection and love that will never come.

Please please please DONT message me about this i really dont want to talk about it but i just feel like i have to say whats going on and why im feeling so distant.

I am just venting.

[kinktae]

How dare you bitchin!jungkook ?! HOW DARE YOU ?!

very NOT spoiler free bitchin’ 8 asks under the cut

Y/N SUPPORT GROUP

deliciouslydisturbed365 said: I just read chapter 8 and holy fuck I’m nauseous. Poor Y/N 😭

queen-emon said: What the literal FUCK man, I just read Bitchin 08 and like im so broken. I never ever consider Y/n and I to be the same person but this time I felt like we were the same person both getting our hearts crushed by the man we loved so dearly. I AM NOT OKAY WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME! THIS IS SO NOT GROOVY :(

Anonymous said: Me🤝y/n Repressing our emotions

madjammil said: I am legit crying. Poor y/n! I cannot believe Jungkook slept with Kiri! My heart is broken. I thought these two were finally getting together and he goes and does this dumb shit! Smh. Aside from that, your writing was amazing as always! I love this series so much!

YARA BULLY JK PETITIONERS

Anonymous said: omg i can’t believe jungkook is rly going to get his dickie chopped off 😍😍😍 deserve! can’t wait until yara finds out

Anonymous said: Ignore jk, y/n!!! Gosh she deserve so much better than a fboi who only cares about how he feels physically!! Ahole to the max and I need her to slap him! Yara can join along the slapping game!! But srsly he needs to learn his words alone can’t mend this and I hope y/n doesn’t give in so easily cuz he deserves cold shoulders from her for a very long time and don’t just rely on charms to get his way. Ik he was trouble from the start 😔 y/n dear don’t worry you deserve better

casualxexistence said: So 👉👈 um like is there like ANy chance that we get to see our baby yara’s reaction to this 🥺🥺🥺👼 bc um well I would kinda love to see her hand both jk and kiri there asses bc they aren’t gonna hAVE ANY AFTER SHE FINISHES WITH THEM RIP

Anonymous said: dude, what if y/n hooks up with tae and starts beef between jk and him while yara bitch slaps kiri….. dude bitchin’ has such good drama theories wtf literally anything is possible at this point

Anonymous said: if yara doesn’t punch kook can I punch him? Not as the oc I meant like me BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK

forvever-ddaeng said: I keep rereading this last part like it’s somehow gonna change or it won’t make me sad the more I read it but it’s having the opposite effect and now I want Yara to beat Jungkook’s ass smh

Anonymous said: WTFFFFFFF YARA GONNA HUNT DOWN AND KICK JUNGKOOK ASS FOR HURTING HER BABY

JUNGKOOK ANTIS:

Anonymous said: what the fuck is wrong with bitchin’!jungkook does he think with his dick i wanna kick his ass

Anonymous said: why jungkook would do something like that if he likes y/n? i would be so mad at him too like… isn’t that kind of cheating? he didn’t say if he was back together with his ex but he slept with her so that must mean something, she probably thinks it means something. he was really stupid 

omgtaehyungsmullett said: i know jungkook fucking with me, dammit 😡

Anonymous said: I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD JUNGKOOK DO THAT WHY

ausjeons said: Jungkook what the fuck!!! I could slap you silly after reading part 8 😪😩

Anonymous said: Team make jk suffer for awhile and then be able to patch things up with the oc 🤝

Anonymous said: I read ch8 last night and this weighed heavily on my mind all day like why is jk such a hoe? Like how could he just sleep with Kiri just like that. I think these children are very confuzzled with their feelings. After he slept with Kiri, did he rush to y/n bc he knew this was the end of their “relationship”? One last passionate banger goodbye 😟 my 💔 broken heart

Anonymous said: I ain’t even sad. I’m full on rage mode. WHO TF GAVE JK THE AUDACITY , THE ABSOLUTE BRAWN TO STICK HIS DICK IN KIRI AND THEN , NOT EVEN A FULL DAY LATER ( cuz yk that would be farrr too gracious ) WITHOUT A WARNING , WITHOUT A FRICKING GOOD MORNING EVEN , GOES TO FUCK OC AND THINKS THAT’S OKAY???? Good to know OC and whatever his relationship was with her was worth less than a nut😒

Anonymous said: i’m actually sad… like wow. i really expected him to go back, i really did. but even though i knew it’d happen, it still hurt, y’know? i think that made it worse; knowing that he’d go back to her in the end… shit’s fucked up, really. great job writing it. i could literally feel the emotion from this one.

Anonymous said: Bitchin ch 8…..oh wow the smut was so nice and fluffy but wtf JJK messed up big time. Honestly I don’t think he deserves oc after this. She deserves someone who isn’t so unsure of his feelings that it takes getting back together with and sleeping with someone else to realise it. If he really liked her, he wouldn’t have slept with Kiri.

Anonymous said: “ArE YOu MAd?” Srsly what brand of clown juice is Bitchin JJK drinking?

Anonymous said: TAE AND Y/N HOES BRO ENTER THE NEW SHIP FUCK JK

cchristinnaa said: Jk really did yn like a pocket pussy huh

Anonymous said: HOW COULD JUNGKOOK OH MY GOOODDDDDDDDDDD literally men aint SHIT….. the part where y/n said you got what you wanted from me🥺🥺🥺🥺 I FELT THAT ugh i love the angst

Anonymous said: Hope jk dieS from jealousy next ch. And regrets it skdhdhd :( jk. Hope they get their sht 2gether soon or im gon 😷😖😭

diortae said: me: *explaining to bitchin 8 jk why he’s a dick for calling Y/N his “pretty girl” immediately after fucking her raw the morning after he slept with his ex* 

jk: well, you know what they say. hindsight is 20/20 

me: KINDA SEEMS LIKE REGULAR SIGHT SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT THAT ONE

Anonymous said: JUNGKOOK IS ABOUT TO MEET THESE FISTS UP CLOSE THATS ON GOD THAT DUMBASS LIMP DICK BITCH REALLY FUCKED UP

Anonymous said: I HATE JJK HES AN ASS FOR GG DOWN ON 2WOMEN HE CAN JUS F HIMSELF RN

Anonymous said: JUNGKOOK IS GONNA GET HIS ASS BEATEN UGHSHHSKDHXJSJ MOTHERFUCKER WHAT? WHAT??? THIS BITCH IS A RIDE OR DIE AND UR GOING AFTER FAKEASS KIRI REALLY? FOR REAL I THOUGHT UOU WERE BETTER THAN THIS BUT NO ALL MEN DO IS LIE LIE LIE

Anonymous said: the way i closed the tumblr app when i saw jungkook saying “kiri came over last night”

Anonymous said: alright we beating jk’s ass @ noon 😤

Anonymous said: WHY WOULD JUNGKOOK DO THAT TO OC LIKE WHAT I AGREE WITH OC HE USED HER AND THAT MAKES ME 😡😡😡😡😡

Anonymous said: BITCHIN PART 8 WTFGGGG MY HEART Do be Hurting . i’m going to beat jungkook up !!!!

betysotelo18 said: It’s been a few minutes since I read part 8 and I can’t stop thinking about what could happen next… the meanwhile F U jeon Jungkook, you did wrong

Anonymous said: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! I CANT 😭 WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH THIS CHAPTER HUUUU JUNGKOOK WTFF BRO…….. my heart is breaking for them. Why can’t they just date already wkxbdbbdjdjdjdjdjdj this is onky misunderstanding right? and thankyou for the new chapter sis hihuhihih💕💕

Anonymous said: im shocked i dunno who i hate more rn you or jungkook. my heart is literally SHATTERED he better fix this or else im traveling to the 80s just to kick his ass 😭🤬

Anonymous said: never want to punch jungkook in the face like i wanna do right now

Anonymous said: JUNGKOOK WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUCK 🤬 for the love of god rose why do u did that to me i wanna die

Anonymous said: ROSE WTF WAS THAT MAN !!! my heart it hurts and like wtf jungpuke!! Why would he do that to reader !! why would he sleep with kiri and then sleep with reader ?!? Like go siekkeksjdjejjejdbehhe i wish i can put in reaction pictures in here

CUTIE PIES

Anonymous said: Omggg thank you so so much for this chapter, for the whole fic. Thank you for sharing it with us. You are a great writter. Seriously! I just love how every chapter is so intense. Not only the smut is amazing but every detail, every action, the whole plot, all of the dialogues. I actually cried at the end I love how I can really feel everything. All the emotions. Ah and they’re so cute!!! But why was JK so weak? Even if that’s what you wanted since the beginning… I thought- BOY WTF??? :’( But seriously this is the type of thing I love, I am WEAK for this. The slow burn, the oblivious idiots that love each other but keep suffering thing. And you write it so well. Your mind!!! Your talent!!! I love it. Thank you, for real ♥♥♥ I’m antecipating the next chapter, but already sad that it’s almost ending :((( I’m gonna miss this a lot. Anyways, take your time, baby. And have a nice day! ♥♥♥ (Sorry for bad english btw)

tinievmin said: ROSE. IM IN PAIN. I FELT THE BREAKUP BETWEEN YN AND JUNGKOOK. IM SO SADDD. But not related to the plot, your writing is ART. You always make it flow so well aND WOW!!! I don’t have enough words to express how much I love your works

AND FINALLY, AN INTELLECTUAL

Anonymous said: kiri is a bitch i said what i said

[libraryofmegharoni]

The Heart's Invisible Furies [John Boyne]

started: March 21, 2021 finished: March 24, 2021 rating: 5/5

review:

its now been 2 weeks since i finished The Heart's Invisible Furies and tbh i still dont have the words to describe it.

first of all i've apparently wanted to read this book for at least 3 years. after i got it i found it on a random list of books in my notes of books i wanted that i made couple years ago. i have absolutely no idea where i heard about it the first time. i actually dont remember where i heard of it or why i put it on my list a couple months ago but evidently i did.

this was one of the (many) books that i intentionally didn't read the synopsis of and didn't want to know anything about it before reading. i knew bits going into it. i had the general info that it was about a boy born in Ireland who was adopted, it's set during The Troubles, and its gay enough to have the 'LGBT' tag on goodreads.

after a day of reading it my only comment i wrote down was: i think i cried 6 times reading the first 100ish pages.

which honestly sums up my entire experience reading the entire book.

the novel is organized so that each section is every seven years. there's a total of 11 sections so it covers 77 years all about Cyril Avery's life. the first section is about his mother dealing with being an unwed 16 year old pregnant woman in mid-1940s Ireland. and let me say: the actions of most of the 'adults' are absolutely horrific. the first chapter is Cyril's mother, Catherine, being kicked out of her village at Sunday Mass. her entire family and the rest of the village are against her and back the priest who tells her she has like an hour to leave the village and never come back.

when she gets on a bus to Dublin, she meets Seán who is also escaping his village to Dublin. they arrive and are greeted by Seán's 'friend' Jack who reluctantly agrees to let Catherine stay with them until she can support herself. its pretty obvious that Seán and Jack are a little more than friends but Catherine doesnt think anything of it until the end of the section. before the end tho, we meet the only valid adult / person of a previous generation, Mrs. Hennessy. i absolutely loved that she makes an appearance the the following section and gets name dropped throughout the rest of the novel. this first section is where we learn her general backstory and god fucking damn it i was appalled. at this point its less than 50 pages into the book and i was nearly full on sobbing. and the tears dont let up from there either! right after finding out what Mrs. Hennessy has gone through, Catherine returns back to the apartment she shares with Seán and Jack and once again there's adult and parent who is absolutely horrendous. this is finally when Catherine learns that the two boys are actually in a relationship because, who we later learn is Seán's father, who Seán was escaping from when he left his village, forces himself into the apartment. within the next few minutes, there is a filicide , someone left on the brink of death, and a birth.

this is literally all 50 pages into a nearly 600 page book. it sets the tone for the rest of it and gives a solid understanding of the mindset of Ireland in this time.

7 years later, we finally meet Cyril as as not just the concept that is causing issues for Catherine. we're introduced to the couple that adopted Cyril, who are odd to say the least. they are the type of parents that didn't really want a child because they were ready but instead as a show piece. the Avery's also constantly remind Cyril (and others) that he is 'not a real Avery'. hmm i wonder if this will have an impact on Cyril's future relationships?????

his relationship with Julian Woodbead is one of the most important to Cyril's life. i think its talked about later in the novel how their friendship is built on a lie. from the start Cyril is obsessed with Julian and Julian doesnt acknowledge it really. the perception of their friendship is so biased since we are viewing the world from Cyril's point of view and how he is effected. because of this perceptive, its so hard to believe that Julian didn't know that Cyril was in love with him. but i think Julian was such a product of the environment his was raised in and living by the acceptable ideas of the time. from an early age one of his defining traits is essentially being a womanizer. its hard to tell how much of him is just for show and how different him, and Cyril, would be free of a society with such strict exceptions and definitions of right and wrong. was Julian truly completely straight? or was he lying to everyone and himself to fit in with society?

Cyril deals with his repression of being gay in such a detrimental way the entire time he lives in Ireland. he constantly lies to everyone in his life and forces himself to live a lie. his inability to confide in anyone leads him to getting engaged to, sleeping with, and ultimately marrying Julian's sister, Alice.

oh my god the lead up to the marriage ceremony and the events after hurt so many people and i didn't know who's side i was on for them. Cyril ends up in a relationship with Alice and somehow engaged to her. he almost breaks it off with her but every time he cant say the words. its heartbreaking thinking about Cyril was just so fearful to tell the truth to people who loved him.

its finally on the wedding day that Cyril confesses to Julian that he doesnt love Alice in any romantic way because he's gay and is actually in love with Julian. Cyril wants to Julian to allow him to not go forward with the marriage but with Alice's past (she had a previous fiance that left her at the alter) Julian tells Cyril that he's going to marry his sister and be a perfect husband to her.

Cyril does it. partially. he marries Alice then flees the entire country. coming from Cyril's point of view, i was relived that he was free from lying to everyone. but on the other side -- he just left everyone hurt and unhappy in the wake of his actions. its so easy to see how Cyril feels forced into his decisions but understanding how those decisions affect the people around him make it hard to support Cyril.

7 years later we meet the most important man in Cyril's life, Bastiaan. after leaving Ireland, Cyril ends up in Amsterdam, where it is so much more acceptable to be gay holy shit. he meets and starts dating Bastiaan there. Bastiaan helps Cyril unlearn a lot of what he was forced to live by and accept who he is as a person.

he also meets Jack who opened an Irish pub in Amsterdam with the name of Seán's last name. when i realized it was Jack from before and Jack named his pub after Seán made me weep like a fucking baby.

i could list all the times i started crying but i would end up crying all over again and have to add more to the list.

anyway in Amsterdam Cyril and Bastiaan acquire a foster son, Ignac, who just like everyone else in this novel, has a tragic past. after some events (another murder, this time the dick head is the one killed instead of the one doing the killing) and the three of them end up in New York.

they are in America during the beginning of the AIDS crisis and holy shit. yeah more balling. thats the main takeaway.

in New York, Cyril volunteers to talk to AIDS patients who are dying but have no family visiting them. one of the patients is Julian. once again i turn into a fucking baby. Julian reveals to Cyril that he has a son back in Ireland from the one time he slept with Alice. im gonna cry if i think about Julian and Cyril talking anymore i stg. but uhh Julian makes Cyril promise that he'd be the one to call Alice when he died and once Julian does pass, Cyril has every intention on doing just that. but before he can, him and Bastiaan are jumped by a group of thugs who end up seriously injuring Cyril and killing Bastiaan.

7 years later, Cyril is back in Ireland with Ignac. this time he is in Ireland as an openly gay man and is attempting to build a relationship with his son.

there's so much more that happens that i can't even convey. but holy fuck was it so god damn fucking good.

finally when Cyril is in his 60s he figures out that he is the son of Mrs. Goggins, who has never really left the story. Cyril and Julian run in to her when they are 14 in boarding school, Cyril runs into her multiple times when he works almost with her, the morning of his wedding at a cafe, and when he returns he works in the same building that she does. so throughout his life his birth mother was right there but neither of them knew it.

after 7 years, they go together back to the village that Catherine was born, raised, and kicked out of. its finally here where we learn the identity of Cyril's birth father (Catherine's aunt's husband).

bro i gotta be done now. like there's much more that i want to talk about regarding The Heart's Invisible Furies but i just cant think of them rn.

tl;dr - ballin like a baby the whole way through. also society sucks.pls read its worth it

[apprcnticesuprcmc]

okay so yall know how tommy has the whole physical use of his powers thing??

what if he developed the ability to do all the same reality warping shit billy does but like?? has to physically do some kind of gesture or movement that he would mentally associate with whatever action he wants to happen

what if, at first, its like he sees erik use his powers with his whole angry jazz hands routine and is like ‘‘ haha guys im magneto check it out’‘ and does the whole gesture and ends up moving something metal?? purely on accident??

of course everyone freaks the fuck out like ‘‘omg u are a magnokinetic?????’‘ eriks all like ‘‘i always knew u were my favorite grandson u never told me u were in touch w/ the magnetic fields!!’‘ and tommy’s just like ‘‘im not??? at least not more than anything else???’‘ but suddenly hes got this, like, ability to move metal by imitating magneto or polaris when they do certain hand movements bc hes always just??? associated that ability with that motion?? if anything its probably closer to like a specialized telekinisis

and then hes just like ‘‘fuck that was weird i wonder if i could do it again??’‘ and he tries it w/ something else? like maybe he does some stereotypical superhero flying pose and suddenly?? he can fly?? what??? and so then ppl are like ‘‘oh maybe u can just?? imitate powers!’‘

they have this whole theory about how he must have met pietro when he was younger or something only to forget about it and gotten the whole speed thing through proximity as a smol and tommy is like ‘‘that sounds fake but okay??’‘ (in reality he probably was just dicking around one time being like ‘‘damn if i started running maybe i can outrun time and also all my problems’‘ and then he tried it for kicks and ‘‘woah okay that worked i guess???’’)

so then oc they try to make him copy other heroes cuz they want to see what he can do and it sometimes works if they have some kind of physical gesture or something that activates it but usually?? it does not?? so everyone is just like??? u can absorb running really fricken fast but not emmas mind powers?? thats weird??

and then he p watches like cartoons and anime and shit sometimes and one time he sees this guy like summon this huge ass sword with some overly complicated gesture and he tries it just for shits and giggles ( bc apparently 95% of tommy discovering his powers is gonna be him fucking around i guess?? seems appropriate for him ) and it??? works??? - Alternatively, he does the magical girl transformation and accidentally gives himself a full magical girl makeover, much to his horror.

and then ppl after that are like?? you copied abilities that literally?? dont even exist?? they are fictional w h  a t??

and then finally someone is like-- Maybe-- it has to do w/ the physical movement???? and ppl are like ‘‘o that makes sense--’‘ and then they p send him to dr strange to learn a bunch of spells and shit that involve hand gestures and things like that and tommy can pick most of those up bc he didn’t associate any of these weird spells w/ any particular movement before then

but then finally maybe hes talking to billy or something and billy is like ‘‘ its cool that you can do magic like me i guess but its weird that you are limited to like?? things that OTHER ppl decide have you ever tried just making up a spell??’‘ and tommy is like ‘‘fuck no i barely understand half the ones dr strange is trying to tell me now i just memorize the gestures and forget everything else??’‘ so billy is like ‘‘well okay but what if you were just like--- this random movement meant THIS should happen?‘‘

so then they try it and because tommy is extra he decided that its gonna be something ridiculous like-- if he does a cartwheel its gonna summon a bunch of grapes or whatever idk. And after they’ve planned this out tommy is like ‘‘so how does this workk?’‘ billy is just like ‘‘i just think about it and then kinda just... go for it? same principle probably??’‘

And tommy tries it but he cant do it at first and is like ‘‘ur plan failed 0/10 bad advice’‘ and billy is like ‘‘iT WAS JUST A SUGGESTION’‘ and then tommy pulls some bullshit like ‘‘bro maybe if u cartwheel with me it will inspire my powers’‘ and billy thinks thats dumb but he does it anyways bc he wants to help his twin so then u just have the boys cartwheeling all over the front lawn of the avengers mansion yelling ‘‘GRAPES’‘ at random intervals. Cap occasionally looks outside like ‘‘ are they okay??’‘ pietro just shrugs and is like ‘‘idk they get this from their mother dont look at me’‘ and immediately nyooms away

but jokes on u u thought that was just tom-foolery (haha joke cuz his name is tom) but actually it was a big complicated association exercise! and the next time tommy does a cartwheel he accidentally summons a bunch of grapes!!! and then him and billy get all excited about it while the other yas are like ‘‘???????’‘

anyway this got away from me but pls consider tommy having reality warping powers accosiated with movement pls and thank--

[wdfa]

coming back from winter break like HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS RELAPSE TIME

warning for... um. lots of stuff. a loooot of self hate/negative self talk. internalized transphobia/cissexism. discussions of sexual experiences (not in detail). menstruation mention. depression and symptoms.

im struggling so hard rn ugh so many Symptoms.. especially with feelings of worthlessness!!!!!!! like i just feel like im annoying ppl with just my existence!!!! UGH like i know it’s irrational bc so many ppl love and care about me and they have voiced these facts as well as affirmed them through actions! and they continue to do so! it kinda has a lot to do with my dysphoria? im not sure how to like. explain it??? because there is Context.

last saturday my frat had a brothers-only party and it was fun and cute and i had Such a Good Time because i love my brothers! some alumni came too like i got to see my grandbig again and my 2 adopted grandbigs LMAO... one is dating my gbig so she’s step-gbig i guess not adopted? but the other one is in my family line, and he has 2 “real” grandlittles but he adopted me and one of my fifth (?) cousins. ANYWAYS it was really tender because that literally happened that night, he said “as far as im concerned, i have 4 grandlittles... plates, kali, billy, and u” and im not kidding i almost cried it touched my salty ass heart. and that was pretty much the theme of the night, just me loving on everyone and everyone loving on me! 

i was kind of worried about that tbh because i was wearing one of those douchey ridiculously large arm-hole tshirts and my scars were pretty visible,,,, but like everyone was really cool about them like i got some compliments actually haha mostly they were just like “aw im so happy for u/proud of u” but one of my older bros (who happens to also be a bass!!) said smth like “yo those are really cool thats so hardcore!” which pleasantly surprised me because he’s a very aloof and sarcastic kind of person, so getting something genuine was really neat. and so much good happened that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great!!!!!!!!!! but also like. ugh. i guess more context needed. 

in my pledge class of 7 only 2 of us were virgins and im one of them. like ive literally never had any Sexual experience, and it was always because i was never comfortable enough with my own body due to dysphoria. even when u get past that my high school was fucking tiny so who was going to love my fat trans ass 8^) and my pbro’s situation was a little different, but he’s gay and his high school was similar so he never had the option to explore anything either. and we were like. together on that u know? i had kind of accepted that it wasnt realistic for me to want things like that, and while that realization hurt, i knew that i had someone in the same boat. but then he goes and loses his virginity!!!!! and this is where i get MESSY LMAO IM NOT READY FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES

first of all i want to say that i am 100% happy for him because he’s my friend i will support him until the end of time and he told us it was important for him finally being able to celebrate himself and grow up and operate with sexual/personal autonomy and live his own DAMN LIFE and im so so SO proud of him for that!! and i HATE myself so FUCKING MUCH for being selfish and feeling this way and taking something so important to someone i love and making it about myself, but. now its like im left behind. i hate this feeling so fucking much i hate being left behind/forgotten about/ignored/excluded from anything and everything. and now this is something that everyone has gone through but me. and it fucking sucks even more because i know the main reason that i havent done this is because im trans!!!! like i didnt ask to be this way!!!!!!!! trust me! its so fucking difficult!!!!!!!! i hate being different sometimes, i literally just want to be like everyone else, i want to be fucking normal for once. like i know that ‘normal’ doesn’t actually exist but im tired of having to struggle through things that other people dont. and ive really just been dwelling on this and extrapolating like “welp no one will ever wanna hook up with me or date me or love me and im gonna die alone like the piece of shit i am” and it’s just opened up soooooo many Bad Feels that i either havent thought about before or did a really good job at repressing! literally just shitty Dysphoria garbage!!! 

and now its like. “ok well u dont want to be a virgin anymore then go out and have sex” WELP it doesnt really work that way!!! i’m very masculine in appearance (or at least i try to be) and the people who are attracted to me expect me to be a Cis Male, because unfortunately we assume everyone is cis until proven otherwise. bottom line is theyre gonna expect me to have a dick! but i dont! what happens when im into someone and theyre not aware of this fact? what if we Get Going and start Doing the Do but theyre like EW GROSS DIE??????? i just keep thinking about this!!!!!!!!! its in my head and i cant get it out!!!!!!!!!! like i Did Not go to bed on sunday night because i just keep dwelling!!!! i went to therapy on tuesday and told all this to my psychologist and usually that gets it out of my system but no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s usually really helpful because she approaches things logically rather than emotionally but that didnt work in this case i guess!!

i told my pbros about some of these feelings and they said the shit your friends are supposed to say to make u feel better and it was reassuring that they loved me at the time but like. i guess it didnt stick lol because im still convinced that im unlovable even though mccoy sat on my lap half the night and david let me casually touch him (he does not like physicality so that was kind of a Bigger deal) and ben laid on top of us and we were all so tender but i literally cant translate that into permanence i guess!!!!! but also bad things happened at meeting that kind of validated my fears bc me n a few bros were talking, i think it was me and a gay guy and a girl who thought she was straight but shes questioning if shes bi and i cant remember who else because i was Turnt but these two were like the main source of conversation. the guy was like “im definitely gay like i know i dont like girls because vaginas are just gross” and the girl was like “yeah i dont know, im attracted to hot girls but idk if i could ever fuck w/ a girl because ew vagina” LIKE im.... ... standing............ right .... here...................... and i said something! like “thats transphobic not everyone w a vagina is a girl” and i cant remember exactly but they totally like. brushed me off. i initially have all of these doubts, then my bros are like “yooo that’s irrational, everyone loves u” which makes me feel better and kind of makes the doubts get less awful BUT THEN this happens and we’re back to square one SO.

it doesnt help that i fucking started my period on monday. i havent had it in over a year. but i had to skip a dose of T before my surgery and my ADHD ass forgets everything so i ended up skipping like 3 so apparently this is what happens when you stop taking it :) im really hoping that this is the reason im so emo about everything right now UGH.

all of these feelings are just taking such a toll on me its like im weighed down,,, i was supposed to do some studying today and take some notes but instead i stayed in bed and played games on my phone lol!!!!!! i didnt even do anything fun!!!!!!!!!! and now im alone on a friday night doing NOTHING just like i did fucking NOTHING all day today!!

what sucks about this is that im alone because i feel sad.... but being alone makes me feel even MORE sad........... like im happy when im with my friends, im happy when im with my brothers, im happy when im at the house! but for some reason i cant just text a bro at random whenever im feeling down. like if i did, i know that no matter who it was theyd give me the support i need/the support id get at the house with everyone there. but i cant make that move, i cant take that risk, because i must Avoid.... like i know talking to ppl and being around them makes me happier, and i know if i did gather the ‘courage’ or w/e to do that then the odds of getting a positive response would be 99% but i just. Cannot initiate. because that 1% chance of rejection is just too much. im terrified of it. even if i did take that chance i dont even know what i’d say??? “hey lol im kinda craving death because im a worthless abomination haha wyd” ????? im still not comfortable w talking about being trans. like i am a bit but only with certain people. definitely not with the brotherhood. maybe my big? but she just got a new girlfriend so i dont want to bother her. honestly i dont want to bother anybody!!!!!!!!!! which is Wrong because i tell ppl all the time that their emotions are valid and theyre not bothering people who care but HERE WE FUCKING ARE KIDS!

ok i think im done now i just. really had to get that out. replies and likes and asks are welcome but the other thing is not allowed. the thing with two arrows that kind of go in a circle. none of that.

[writingguide003-blog]

Critics assemble: our writers pick their favorite superhero films

New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/critics-assemble-our-writers-pick-their-favorite-superhero-films/

Critics assemble: our writers pick their favorite superhero films

Batman v Superman v Captain America v all of the X-Men. Which cape-wearing, civilian-saving adventures are worth cheering?

Given the repetitive influx of superhero films in recent years, youd be forgiven for wanting very little to do with anything involving a cape, a mask and a post-credits teaser for a long time. But wait, the R-rated Wolverine sequel Logan hits cinemas this week and critics agree that its worth getting over yourself for.

Many are saying it will join the ranks of the all-time greats but what else should be on this list? Here are seven of the best from Guardian writers.

The Incredibles

Photograph: HO/Reuters

Was 2004 the superheroes annus mirabilis? That was when Marvel Studios initiated its ambitious plan to self-finance its movies, buy back the rights to characters such as Iron Man and the Incredible Hulk, and begin the 21st-century wave of superhero films, hugely popular with the public, but often patronised and dismissed the way westerns used to be.

But something else happened in 2004: the release of Pixars glorious animated superhero homage The Incredibles. Thats a film which doesnt fit easily into the superhero fanbase-constituency, and is part of neither the Marvel nor DC tribe (unless you count the fact that Pixar, like Marvel, is part of Disney). And Im conscious that in calling it a homage I may even now be denying it full superhero-film status. But a brilliant superhero film is what it is riffing on the X-Men and Fantastic Four with superb characters, a great supervillain, a terrific story and a sharp satiric theme on the subject of excellence, and the nature of risk, jeopardy and the state.

Mr Incredible (voiced by Craig T Nelson) is a lantern-jawed, barrel-chested superhero who plies his trade in the 1940s, the superheroes postwar first-generation comic book heyday. He is fighting alongside his fiancee, Elastigirl (Holly Hunter). When a member of the public sues him for preventing his suicide, it triggers a legal nightmare forcing the government to outlaw superheroism and to relocate supers to other cities with new identities and bland normality. Twenty years later, he and Elastigirl have suburban lives and he works in insurance a nightmarish perversion of his former calling. They have two kids whose superpowers they have to conceal at school. But then a new villain emerges with a secret connection to the Incredibles past, forcing them to reclaim their vocation and their destiny.

It is rightly celebrated for the superhero costumire, Edna Mode, voiced by the director and writer, Brad Bird, who thinks that capes are a bad idea and is passionately committed to her contemporary vision: I never look back, darling; it distracts from the now. There is a wonderful passage on the phenomenon of supervillains monologuing huge third-act set-piece speeches in which the villains talk about themselves and their awful vision.

Actually, in 2017, the non-talky streamlined all-action superhero film is pretty much against both capes and monologuing and also against Edna Modes injunction against looking back. Superhero films love origin myths, elaborate retro sequences from the past and all-around ancestor worship.

But as it happens, and incredible as it may sound, The Incredibles has a brilliant action sequence, as exciting as anything in any live-action superhero film or action film. Elastigirl and the two kids are flying in their plane to an island from which the errant Mr Incredible has sent a distress signal. Then she is attacked by rockets. The subsequent chase scene and midair explosion are absolutely nail-biting.

It is witty, smart, visually ravishing, and its generic insights are celebratory, not derisive. What a great superhero film. PB

Batman

Photograph: Allstar/Warner Bros/Sportsphoto Ltd/Allstar

I have to be honest: I am not the worlds biggest superhero movie fan. Put another way, when they took off in the late 80s, I thought they were a fad that would blow over in a few years; more fool me. In fact, the elevation to ever-prolonging ubiquity is one of the great mysteries of contemporary cinema: how this genre, that for years was considered only good for doltish teens, and treated with equivalent lack of respect, has steadily evolved into the mainstay of the global film industry. Be that as it may, I prefer the funny, candy-coloured type of superhero movie (Spider-Man, Thor, Deadpool) rather than the furrowed-brow earnestathons (Batman Begins, Captain America, Man of Steel) Ive never seen a superhero movie weighty or nuanced enough to justify the heavy-duty treatment.

But as films as opposed to moving comic-books superhero movies tend to fall down pretty hard. There are great sequences, brilliant set pieces, very nice shots but they rarely hold together, still less allowing actual narrative subtlety to intrude on the scene-shifting. The first and still, by my reckoning, only time that a superhero movie seemed way ahead of everything else was the first Tim Burton Batman, from 1989. A tour de force of design, cinematography, and cinematic texture, it was light years ahead of (the nevertheless highly enjoyable) Superman films that had blazed the superhero trail in the 1970s and 80s. Burtons brilliance was to make everything else look redundant and in many ways, nothing has changed since. AP

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Photograph: Moviestore/Rex

Heres a conspiracy theory: someone at the Academy purposefully shuffled those envelopes to detract from the much bigger scandal earlier in the evening: the snubbing of Garry Shandling in this years Oscars In Memoriam montage. I hope my choice of the Marvel movie in which he cameos as a sinister Hydra disciple will go some way to righting this wrong.

Shandlings 15-second appearance in this sequel to the first film featuring the weed who becomes the most fantastic hunk is one of my chief reasons for picking it; the other is its literally the only superhero movie I can ever really remember enjoying.

This is obviously a personal deficit, but perhaps it is, actually, a better superhero movie than most? There are terrific action sequences, for a start: that initial heist, fuelled with sexual tension between the Cap and the Black Widow, plus the most wonderful punch-up in a lift. Plus, vegetables to accompany all that meat and beef: a properly thought-provoking investigation of the morals of surveillance and the ethics of vigilantism in a democratically accountable society.

But perhaps what really clinched it for me as an Avengers movie I could get along with was the relative dearth of Robert Downey Jr. The more you can minimise this man, the more I shall like any movie. CS

Thor: The Dark World

Photograph: Allstar/Marvel Studios/Sportsphoto Ltd/Allstar

Many are hailing Logan for stretching the boundaries of what a superhero movie can be. Its dramatic, fervid, and realistic in its violence. But lets not do away with whats core to comics culture: deep, dank nerdery that ought not be allowed to see daylight.

I love comic books rich in lore and steeped in mythos, swirling in and out of realms with names impossible to spell. Thor: The Dark World stuffs two handfuls of delicious dorkiness into its maw, one rich in fantasy, the other in science fiction. Is the Asgardian bio-bed a quantum field generator or a Soul Forge? The answer, of course, is that it is both.

Thor: The Dark World has portals and Kronan Rock Men and invisible spaceships and a ray that can curl you up into a singularity and zap you into another dimension. A liquid totem called the Aether is almost in Malekith the Dark Elfs nefarious grasp, just in time for the quinquennial cosmic event known as the Convergence. Oh, God, I need to stop typing and grab my asthma inhaler, this sort of talk gets me all worked up.

In the middle of all this, theres the bickering romance between the sharp and sweet doctor played by Natalie Portman and her hunky blonde blue-eyed spaceman, Thor. When they reunite during a battle, the first thing she does is yell at him for never calling. When they visit Thors realm, Dr Foster quickly bonds with Thors mother. They may as well be eating intergalactic coffee cake. And there are still some who say mixed marriages cant work?!?

Thor: The Dark World is a rush of Absolute Comics mainlined direct to my amygdala, with a profound purity that few other modern superhero movies allow themselves. It is Worthy. JH

The Dark Knight

Photograph: Allstar/Warner Bros

While Batman Begins was a refreshingly coherent, mature and dark-hued film about the Caped Crusader (a relief after the eye-punishing gaudy excess of Batman & Robin), it was far from a masterpiece.

There was a major villain problem (a somewhat gimmicky last act switcheroo that didnt quite have the required impact) and a major Katie Holmes problem (needs no explanation) and as a result, it was a promising franchise-restarter but not the home run we might have hoped for. Three years later, Christopher Nolan returned, lessons learned and homework done, with a sequel that rose far above its generic peers and, despite the creation of the hero-packed DC and Marvel universes since, it easily remains unsurpassed.

The Dark Knight moves like a fiendish thriller, one that confidently pushes the boundaries of the superhero genre in a way that comic book fans may be familiar with but which for cinema-goers such as myself was a revelation. Its a breathtakingly brutal film, packed with staggering PG-13 violence and a bleak worldview thats unrelenting, grounding fantastical characters and situations in a world that, for once, is depressingly easy to relate to.

That villain problem? Easily fixed. The casting of Heath Ledger in the role of the Joker might have been initially unpopular with fans, who couldnt envision his leading man looks buried under cartoonish makeup, but his performance was dynamite, an Oscar-winning fireball of anger and anarchy. That Katie Holmes problem? Replaced. Maggie Gyllenhaal added depth and a genuine emotional connection which led to the shocking finale carrying even greater weight. Its one of the rare examples of a superhero film where each devastating act of violence or aggression has a lasting impact. In Nolans Gotham City, life and death both mean something.

It might be to blame for the dreary drudgery thats bogged down many ensuing superhero adventures but it remains a ruthlessly entertaining example of just how daring and necessary the genre can be. BL

Watchmen

Photograph: Clay Enos/Photo by Clay Enos

It may be difficult to credit given Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice recently picked up a gaggle of Razzies, but Zack Snyder was once seen as the coming man of comic book movies. His 2009 adaptation of Alan Moores sprawling graphic novel about an alternative 1980s in which Nixon remains in power and superheroes are real remains a high point of the film-makers career and proof that given a decent script, he is capable of producing eye-popping cinema beyond that of most his contemporaries.

The bravura opening montage, set to the strains of Bob Dylans The Times They Are A Changin, is unequalled in comic book movies. The casting is impeccable: Jackie Earl Haley has never been better than as the hardboiled, morally immovable vigilante Rorschach, a gurning, spitting man out of time whose psychological torment is written on his face whether wearing that famous mask or not. Patrick Wilson is wonderfully understated as the taciturn Nite Owl, a superhero who looks like an accountant with middle-aged spread, while Jeffrey Dean Morgan is perfect as the leering, sneering, cigar-smoking alpha male scumbag the Comedian, a role which surely won him the part of the villain Negan in The Walking Dead.

Naysayers argue that Watchmen is too close to its source material, bar a sensibly altered denouement. But Moores story is so epic in scale and splendid in its unexpectedly detailed rendering of the inner psyches of costumed crimefighters that Snyder was really only required to add visual flare. If there is a Citizen Kane of superhero movies, this is indisputably it. BC

X-Men: Days of Future Past

Photograph: Allstar/20th Century Fox

The best thing about this time traveling entry into the vast annals of X-Men history is the absolute disregard Bryan Singer had for newcomers. If you hadnt been paying attention to his line of mutant entertainment over the last decade or so, youd feel a bit like Kyle Reese being spat out into 1984 with no clothes and no idea what was happening. That slightly manic pace, which feels like its borrowed from a daytime soap opera, plus the period costume and references to Vietnam, Nixon and the height of 70s cold war paranoia made this a strangely daring superhero film.

Instead of something that tried to set out the basic idea of what the X-Men were and what they were all about a concept most grandmothers could probably grasp by now this just got straight into the internal machinations of a group that makes the EU look harmonious. Of course, the old themes of good and evil doing battle, and overcoming personal demons (in this case addiction for Professor X) are there, but it was delivered in a knowingly strange way. You could even argue the hectic feel and funny but slightly smug lines set the stage for the least superhero-y superhero of them all, Deadpool. Singer knew fans were au fait with the concept of time travel, and would love to see Magneto and Professor X as their younger selves, so he threw it all into a blender and Days of Future Past came out like a perfectly mixed bit of superhero bechamel. LB

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

[calvinlepesh]

yes here you go

  Workcrew immediately for incompletion of the run is common for new kids and previous strugglers. Workcrew is named so because it makes u do nothing because u cant do something so instead of WORKing on something because u suck at that you literally work doing nothing. You have to work to keep yourself entertained. Work to keep yourself from going insane looking at that orange peel textured wall. Yikes. work to not fucking freeze too jesus fucking christ fuck whoever controlled the thermostat. just saying. Sure they didnt know or didnt care but fuck them for that. anyway. After the run you come inside go back to ur room if ur not on workcrew you chill for a few minutes while the chef is done cooking for the entire facility. Obvisouly being on wprl crew You dont eat whatever everyone else eats they work they get reward u no work no reward. oats and water and those fucking goddamn apples. fuck They're probably eating some kickass breakfest burrito or A nice blue berry muffin with yogurt. actually I know and still know the food schedule for breakfest and lunch for everyday of the week. It hardly change and very slightly if ever. So i knew what I could've been eating worst part about it is they eat literally inches from you. Your back facing them listening to them eat and salvate smelling all the condiments and fresh bacon. Waiting patiently for all the other students to finish their meals and wash their dishwear and go to their rooms only after do they. Give you your W/C meal. Oats and water fuck me. The worst part about it was after awhile I got so skinny that parker had me start eating a bowl of oatmeal with every meal this is when i was doing decently well but still being full of shit just not as much. But the worst part was I got 2 bowls of it while all other w/c got 1 And i started to even like it. Almost as if my taste buds had adapted over awhile to enjoy the oats. fuck those apples tho sometimes they were a 3 out of 10. best compliment I can give there sorry not sorry. anyway eat ur meal. its time for group. Group is when the entire facility all families and w/c and parker the director sit down commonly in a circle with parker in a chair and the students on the floor but before I left They had been consistently all in the life timechairs except parker who stood at the front of the main room with the students in a movie theatur like fashion without the leveled tiers obviously. but in order of w/c to family 1-5 so work crew being at the very front right feet from parker. During group we would review issues regarding anything and i mean anything wrong with the facility or the students and staff inside of it. It is encouraged and heavily peer supported to tell on each other and to work on themselves and not let anybody even other students or roomates get in your way. WORK ON YOURSELF by Sourrounding yourself with people on the same mission as you and who do the things to suggest they are going to continue to stay on that mission was a huge message that was pushed in a variety of ways at liahona. through team building exercises, group discussion and definitely confrontation. It is common for students to lash out when they're new. Probably cause they're from California and think these motherfuckers cant do shit to me im a minor. Think again, welcome to Southern buttfuck nowhere Literally sand mountains mars-looking Hurricane Utah. Body slam ur bitchass for acing outta line. Talking back blatent disrespect and obviously anything suggesting possilbe physical or verbal outbreak resulted in a restaint. Most staff would warn u like chill out orim gonna put u on the ground. And you'd get in trouble just for that. Sometimes even a little more secretly I think for not following through. but maybe not considering its a change in behavior. im sure it could be situational. Regardless. back to the story. group typically lasted an hour or so sometimes would watch a documentary afterwards sometimes even a movie however those became quite rare as the students or cycle in. Called generations of students. I was the last of my generation for a good amount of time towards the end of my stay at liahona. Depressing very much so. Watching people who go there a year after u graduate before you. U began to believe those insecurities more and more. and if you have struggle throughout your life with putting negative energy in the universe in the form of speech by conversion of energy to your body which is apart of the universe. i know alittle hard to follow but bear with me and try your best. After group you'd either get on or off of work crew based on how well u did at nothing and the little something u do such as workouts the morning run how u address staff members how even how frequent you use the bathroom to see if ur trying to get up. What was cool at Liahona was doing what you were told. being obiedient at all times immediately and when you do fuck up take the mistake and turn it into success instead of letting it slow you down as a failure. With such a poor mindset at Liahona especially towards the middle of my stay. I stayed at level 1 for 16 months. Probably a record not really a bragging thing tho. The point is I sucked at being a normal ass human. Full of attitude and was disobiedent with little to no respect given off the bat to any adult. Like I was the shit... When you're the shit you don't have the same problems that people who arent the shit have correct. So tying all the way back to the hospital metaphor with my secret broken leg. Honestly was probably secret to me as receiving the injuries throughout critical young developmental stages. I had alot of problems being honest because I was the shit and the shit wasnt supposed to be doing all this disgusting and sad. self demeaning outragous nasty stuff. thats all im gonna say. currently. im not ready to open up about my full past for i feel currently it lays at rest where it belongs until decieded otherwise by me. Now.. where were me. I was the shit. after coming out with stuff half assed in anattempt to still look kinda like the shit. they caught me on my bullshit and I spilled the beans. No longer was I the shit. I was shit. They broke me down emotionally. Making me write my story over and over again my entire life all the things I had ever done wrong. Each time I either came out with something new or changed something becasue everything I told my therapist was true but skewed and I lost track of my story. I had fucked myself and they gave me the rope to do it because they wanted me to earn my coniquences no have them given to me based on a hunch. I fucked myself. and unfortunately it was just he beginning for my emotional workouts. For the next two years. I trecked on. Fast forward july 2016 Im level 4 shadowing a new student with a level 3. us three since we are shadowing can talk in the room about rules only and how to teach them. while having our responsibilities with the quote aswell. at this point I could memorize anything. Memorized some crazy shit honestly wish that the content of the quote was more useful in a sense of remembering important things. or things that are commonly remembered by some idk. the point is we were aloud to talk about rules only. this didnt stay over time after me doing well getting to level fucking 4 this was huge for me and I had gotten comfortable and complacent in my position halting any further actions towards bettering myself everyday. exactly what they don't want you to do. We ended up flying our shadow solo which means hes a level one and we cant talk to him anymore and its cbo. basically hes in the big leagues now. But the level 3 and the other roommate who wasnt aloud to talk but was in the room while we shadowed the new student literally everyday for a month or two. And we all started breaking CBO together. basically we literally talked. about any and everything. Eventually getting comfortable doing that after a week or so couldnt have been too much longer than a week or two before guess who our same shadowed new student turns us in... Just like we had taught him to do. He was rewarded heavily. This was 1 july 2016. the 4th was parkers fav holiday does a shit ton of fun shit for everybody and everybody can talk water balloon fights watermelon eating contest hot dogs play basketball freely. fucking board games bro straight up. I had been at Liahona at this time for 2 about to be 3 Fourth of julys at Liahona and they just got better and better problem was I spent all 3 on work crew. top that off I spent all of July and into August on workcrew. It started off as suicide watch run risk and do nothing. literally as worse at it got. You can use the bathroom and sit in this chair. and you can sleep on this mattress with the fans and AC on with no blankets or pillows. So It stayed like that for  a week. Miserable completely miserable. I had finally started doing well got to level fucking four and im on work crew do nothing sui watch run risk and Ive been here for two years sleeping in the commons with no blanket or pillows shivering. Ill still never forget that day parker said I could choose to have a blanket or a pillow. FUCK U THINK? blanket. ez. I was literally giggling with joy that night under its warmth. That whole month slowly and slowly got increasingly easier on work crew and I didnt know why I was even still on It'd been a fucking month this was august 1st. The next day august 2nd 2016 Parker comes in and tells me im finally leaving. This was a really big day for me and brings to me currently some very strong emotions of relief and regret. For I hadn't completely wasted my time at Liahona but then again I typically in the past back then never completed anything. And honestly that is one of my bullshit things that I say to myself. and still have some belief in for good reason to gain perspective from it. Because unfortunately there are things in this world that are bad but also true. Thats just the way things work. There is good in bad and bad in good always. It may be hard to find or the pros out weigh the cons or vice versa. I see the bad, me not taking very good advantage at all of what Liahona had to offer for me at all times. However still gaining from it which is good aswell of course. But the bad being I did waste alot of my time. Now am I completely to blame for the duration of my time there. Yes because I made the decisions that led to me having to be there longer. honestly cause I needed to be there longer. Maybe a slight tiny bit of blame on my father for neglect to anextent of course when it came to life rules and making sure I know and remember them. But at the end of the day I kept myself on the wall and I have taken responsibility and if I havent i will now. I fucked up at liahona and I caused myself to be there for aslong as I was obviously not intentionally but for some reason. Cause I hated myself and nobody felt bad for me. I nolonger desire that attention. Because I know that If that attention is given to me in the quantity desired and by the form of attention inwhich idesired. Would inturn keep me immature as im hiding and nesting away from my feelings rather than pour them out and release the hate and sadness because its no good. it does no good besides grant perspective both to yourself and others. I never brag about giving to the homeless. Truly the reason I bring it up is because I may not have been homeless for very long or hadn't been homeless without atleast a couch or a garage to sleep in. But after enduring just that water down verison of being homeless. I know they need that damn money more than I do. Im not going to be unreasonable and give him everything I have on my card. but typically I give them at the minimum a cig if they want one and a conversation just cause people need to talk to people. whether they're drunk or not sad or happy talking turns our feelings into reality based on what you desire long term and short term almost combined in a way. You can switch up long term desires such as careers and lifestyles however it is not recommended. However also if you are still in a somewhat content mindset settling for like85 percent full on ur content scale. And this is what you need a little change up. Then by all means switch but keep the short term desires because those need to work first. Before you even decide what you want from life and ur existance ask yourself am I happy? If you are not atleast somewhat content with who you are an individual currently. You need to follow what I told you earlier. You need to dig deep in your heart and soul and mind. Focus on the center of your chest. thats where i feel my soul communicate to me. And i search it with my mind sending inquizitive thoughts to it for its response. Your body is a rosetta stone in a way for literal human communication (speech) and the vibrations of the universe. And vice versa. your body picks up things from the universe and world that it tells u. Maybe gut feelings? Hunches? A strong feeling for no reason??? EVERYTHING HAS A REASON. And if it isn't this than prove it to me. It proves itself and you can try it for yourself. Find contentment in your preplanned manifestation that we call "The Universe" by recognizing both your current insignificance in the real world possibly currently or maybe never; never in your mind atleast. But also your significance in how much control you have just because of what fucking species you are and all the things you can learn. Know you have significance because this is your world and you already chose how your life is going to end. What will last for you what won't. Because somebody (you u idiot) set it up to happen that way. Say you think im full of shit and just crazy. Let me ask you.... Lets just say for shits and giggles then, that you are God/ superior being so to speak. And you created everything we have ever known. Planets, plants, rocks .people communication, every conversation. EVERY FUCKING EVERYTHING WAS MADE BY YOU. so with that in mind given that and the vast amount of knowledge that comes with some power.literally unimaginable because we cant EVEN FUCKING COMPREHEND it.  ie You as God know that all good must have evil. So you realize large world thats actually rather small in comparison to alot of other fucking planets. Maybe it makes some people feel inferior maybe it turns people towards hate. But you decieded we're going to make a little safe haven whenthis random motherfucker wants to see if the world is flat. Killed all the indians. negative. USA positive. Rev war possibly hardcore karma for killing indians unlikely but it always is anyways. we win rev war Now we are free. Put Lepesh in free nation in 1999. He reconizes the power of the mind body and soul combined in the trinity. And wants to spread the message that you too can be happy. the suffering can end. Ive been diagonosed with depression add adhd odd ocd ptsd abcd u fucking name it. And they made a killing off of my parents. Granted I was a very problematic child so they started taking me in at a young age. over time with people telling me whats wrong with me. Yeah ima tell them to fuck off cause Im living the life i want to live. I may not know the consiquences are for me choosing to live like such. But I will and When I do I will weild that power given to me in knowledge and spread to you my wisdom. Speech isnt the only way to manifest things into your reality. Any human contact that can be described by and spoken with our apparently primitive words of any language. YOU MUST MEAN HOW YOU FEEL  Currently this is my world and universe because I value very few things about myself in the grand scheme of everything. Given that wouldn't I want the one thing I value a great deal to succeed and fulfill his dreams and have a goodass life? So thats what this mindset program will do. Others will use it becuase their kids are driving them up the walls and they just can't do it anymore. They're about to throw in the towel and don't know what to do anymore. Maybe its for somebody looking for love and they need to realize that u literally must love urself first. You cannot give what you donot already have. Unless you promiss to give which is an entire other problem in itself given that you can never give the love you want to give because you must find it for yourself by dedicating large amounts of time to yourself over time which you cannot do if ur constantly giving your feeling of infatuation and potential 'promise love' IE I promise you one day Ill love you but right now I cant cause I dont love myself. But I promise I will love myself but u wont. U simply wont. Until you learn your worth which by the fucking way bro. straight the fukc up listen. By the way. you decide your worth. The way you decide to change your worth is by finding the opposing core belief about urself the angelic side the white fluffy this is who I truly am side. The I wanna die fuck everything not even worth it this world isnt worth bringing anybody into is bullshit. However nesscessary for a short period for perspective and experiential sake. Bullshit. You manifested bullshit told to you over time in different ways. almost like taking pieces of gum out from underneath tables accorss every resturant you go through for example ur entire life. making a big ball of gross bullshit told to you in the forms of verbal abuse sexual physical. just bullshit. Best thing about bullshit is that it is always bad. The only good in the bad of bullshit is that it give great perspective and it helps this rant lol. Anyways, Realize that angelic force you hold and listen to your mind and heart tell you what you already know. and put it into action by reminding yourself about it as much as possible until its all you really think about. You'll notice key changes in yourself. Keep in mind these some of these effects happened immediately some over time some after forgetting my worth some during forgetting my worth.For myself after finding myself again focusing on the bullshit that isnt true. Radical difference in hesitation to speak to people. and to even what im going to speak. I used to care about everything and project that I care about nothing. It was fucking stupid sad and pretty pathetic actually. very sad now that I think about it. Pretending almost in a way. Sag my pants wear dark and almost shady clothing. ears pierced, quit sports, smoke weed, everything to say I don't give a fuck about anything at all ever and never will. I did it and said it. Of course with periods of absolute disbelief and saddness for I knew the whole time I was living a bullshit fabricated lie that directly stemmed from my self esteem issues and uncertainty in myself and the universe. Im very grateful for my current state of being however unsober. very very helpful and a clear message from myself that I believe I know what I need to do. Or what I want to do. But how? Im not worried about why because Its impossible and highly unlikely that the reason presents itself so early. And so it has before but many a few times and such a long time inbetween instances its almost radical to gamble on such things. Might aswell waste my time doing jack shit sitting on the fucking wall for no reason. Im going to end this in the same fashion I started it to an extent. Unexpected and unrehearsed and will summarize in steps how use this Mindset Program I designed to help those capable enough to over come depression and treat general unhappiness with the combined power of your heart mind and soul. Idk but i wasnt specifically planning on making a book for financial gain although it was a large contributing factor. and I as I sit here and think about what I typed it doesn't matter. Because regardless of what happens I wanted it to so it will in the exact way I want it to effect me. if at all idk if i will lol. Crazy man lifes a trip. I need money and i dont deserve it but I can say confidently currently right this moment I would spend my money according to what I desire in the long term. And it would help me start that journey so I may learn more. and continue to better myself as an individual everyday. or  at the very least do something that shows im a good person. In this world you have to keep your guard up not always but typically a great majority of the time. Given that, it's not hard to see why nobody trusts anybody on anything anymore. For a long time and still to this day a vast majority of humans have and will continue to act good but do bad consistently. They have simply been worshiping there bullshit thoughts. The best thing you can do for such a person who has potentially lost all hope. Or is on that path or near the end of it. Let that person know you love them. Only do so if you mean what you say tho. If you mean the words and they are looking at you when you say it. They will straight the fuck up feel your love. Might not be a fucking serotonin shot but its a little love that they will feel and remind them. Its never too late to change your mindset and find empathy for yourself and the world. Here are the current Finalized step by step instructions on how to use my newly developed highly successful Mindset Program. Guarenteeed to bring about contentment and feelings of joy to those who complete and follow these steps completely... 1.)FIRST OFF DO NOT READ THIS SHIT IF YOU AREN'T OPEN-MINDED OR YOU'LL NEVER HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN IT AGAIN, WAIT UNTIL YOU GET YOURSELF ATLEAST SOMEWHAT UNDERCONTROL.2.)EMPATHY Either Already have or Develop a very hardcore understanding and knowledge of empathy by having gratitude through perspective that you must gain. Gaining perspective can happen in a number of ways. The misfortunate are a great way to lead you to happiness. By giving away your money need it or not. who needs it more. and what are they spending it on. If you were homeless outside in january wouldnt you want to be drunk? you were gonna buy a steak and lobster dinner that night anyway even if you didnt have the 10$ cash you gave to Michael by the dumpster. That inturn puts you indebt in a way to the universe. Almost saying this guy will get something good from this at some point in his life. Could be your friend buying your next meal or an invitation to a crazy party. who knows and who knows when its going to happen. we don't the beauty of it is that you know its coming in some shape or form. infact it might have already paid its debt by making you feel better when you did it???? Put yourself in less fortunate peoples shoes. Take acid as much as you can within reason obviously you don't wanna end up fried as fuck. But definitely trip balls man go learn about yourself and the world. Acid is a key to more knowledge. You swim in it but its like trying to bring water (the knowledge) with you when you get out of the pool. You can never even get close to obtaining all of that knowledge. I just needed enough to know that my life isn't completely fucking worthless cause I truly can control my life and you can control yours. Is so empowering to see it happen first hand. To see success finally coming and showing itself after all this time. The worst part is I knew all of this shit long ago. I was told this stuff in Liahona and They knew we didn't fully get it yet. Now I get it. Finally. wtf. I can control my own life.3.)SEARCH YOUR SOUL WITH YOUR MIND. Literally ask yourself questions like a literal one sided conversation. Ask yourself. What do I desire in my life most? For me? Wife car house maybe a farm cat dog fucking dont care whatever she wants the house to look like. two cars actually. I want a boat. and a stable well paying job and some kickass kids. When do I want it to happen. I decided that before I was here. Because I was apart of the aliens maybe idk lol just a thought. Maybe they let me choose they were like yo man this is where ur coming into this planet. they're dumb but think they're really smart and theres lots of chaos they're pretty bad animals i know its a bad gig to send you into but if you like what you can make happen go for it. I wouldn't come into this world unless I knew that things would work out for me at some point. and idk if today is the day but ive realized again what I had already realized but soon forgotten about over a month after. Either from complacentcey or just down right bad memory. Either way I forgot the path and Now I am back.4.)YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE GOOD IN THE BAD AND THE BAD IN THE GOOD For example, for me my bads are so seldom compared to what some people across the universe go through on a daily basis. I have it so good already. Now compared to the rest of my country.. yeah Im not doing very well financially or on some of the selfs. I have the mental capcity and emotional knowledge and strength currently developed from years of deep depression and sadness. Drug abuse and wanting to be numb. Wanting to die or hurt myself. Here I am reconizing the bad in my life the symptoms of listening and believing other peoples bullshit. Reconizing that the bullshit isnt true and was never true. sometimes reconizing a genreal date that you remember yourself starting to believe what people bullshit to you about yourself. Maybe you remember how you felt about yourself before someone called you fat or ugly or hurt u in some way. Remember previous relationships that have cut u deep over time and may even hurt a bit to think about. Remember the fighting and bullshit. But most importantly remember the good times. Ive caught myself many times forgetting the numerous good times had with previous loved ones in almost a desperate attempt to save yourself. Its a protection tactic that completely stops any and all emotional grow. The only way you get stronger is if you do the work. Just like at the gym the only way you get a ripped ass chest or a 6 pack is by doing the fucking work and lifting it. There is no short cut that is worthwhile longterm. Roids give you boobs and shrink ur balls now ur shot on the kids Idea cause u tried to take a shortcut. Same with emotions. using heroin was a big thing for me for awhile i was at a point where I knew it was stopping me from growing emotionally. Because it doesn't allow you to feel anything. you feel numb you don t care. when I took heroin I felt like I really was who I said I was. I overdosed a few months ago and died onheroin. started using again a couple days later. I stopping in November and id be lying if I said it wasnt brutal. so sure I tried to numb the pain with other things. Alcohol is a big one coke, meth, lots and lots of weed, anything that would or could alter my mind besides heroin is what Ive been doing.  Now none of these things are beneficial in the long term except for weed and acid maybe coke if the universe allows it. The opportunity that you desire would not present itself to you without you first creating the desire. I have a desire for drugs. So I have drugs. But Im at the very least smart enough to realize that heroin is if not a complete block of emotions pretty damn fucking close to it. which allows for significantly less emotion growth through the actual feeling of your feelings and emotions. Another big thing that can help is talking about what you discovered about yourself all the bullshit you believed and the statements you have in place to replace them. My previous statement for example Im a fucking loser thats never going to amount to shit. My angelic statement, I've made many mistake and failures in my life at a young age that I wouldn't trade for the world for they have development me into me. You've made it this far havent you?5.) USE YOUR TRINITY TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE STARTING BY FINDING WHAT WORKS FOR YOU TO HAVE A CONSTANT REMINDER. Basically this means find a way to take your new angelic statement created from the good inside the bad and either associate that statement to whatever you see best fit. For example. I have an alarm in the morning that reads! Choose to be happy! with some other notes aswell. And I read that I think to myself. Its a choice. I can use my mind to change my reality over time based on how I feel. I DONT HAVE TO BE SAD ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAVE THE DESIRES IN MY LIFE THAT PULL ME TOWARDS THEM THROUGH MY DECISIONS AND ACTIONS CURRENTLY.

[somedaypast-thesunset]

im honestly so much better than i thought i was. 

like you have no idea whats going on when ur in the war. you dont know who youre shooting at, what the fuck is happening, who you are - you have no idea. and in this war you go through shit that is like unbearable in some ways and you do it and you dont know how and at the end of the day when its all over youre just left with this massive action that formed every thought you now have and you dont know what any of it really meant. 

but like i have beat myself up for time for not being super amazing totally together. like i dont have a job. my work experience is small. my depression is heavy, heavy, heavy. 

but what i needed to see was someone else who has felt this same loss. i needed a comparison to know that i wasnt as fucked up. even though i lived through all the shit i lived through, even though my mother was dead by the time i was 20, even though my dad died 5 years later - i’ve never been on such levels. 

does that mean im heartless? i dont think so. clearly i am very bothered by these deaths and massive losses in my life. its something i think about everyday all day. but i have dealt with serious ptsd for like.. a decade. 

and i never cracked.

and then on top of this i continued to take huge abuse after the intial trauma stopped about my trauma. and i never cracked. 

no. listen. 

i have no idea how i am here today. i have no idea how there is a man downstairs on heroin kicking the walls and thats not me. how is that not me. i have felt such pain. i have felt such sorrow. but never have i been such a person. literally my worst moments the deepest darkest moments last maybe 10 hours. not because im not prone or i dont feel it as strongly. i feel it so strongly. ive felt all the worst feelings. i feel like im 50 years old bro. its not even just like dead ppl. i saw toooooooooooooooooooooooo much. i know tooooooooooooooo much. 

what is it inside of me that has kept me from making this worse for myself. I COULDVE HAD A BABY. do you know how easy it is to do THAT. its easier to make a baby than buy drugs, really. i couldve had like.. multiple babies. like i look at people and im like omg that couldve been me. and not even like.. oh im better than them its like omg if it wasnt for this like one fucking difference between me an them, i would be that. i would be them. i would have children and do meth an like ...

how in the helllllllll did i do this? this man within two months of a death is so distraught by his grief he cannot function as human towards other. yall i didnt even get drunk. i didnt have time to get drunk. i had real life responsibilities towards myself and other people. while living with a total piece of shit who put holes in my wall. okay. my father dies and im living alone now with a man who put holes in my fathers walls. i try to break up like a week before and i cant because my dad is still in the hospital and everything is so crazy because like we know this man is dieing. 

have you ever watched a man die? have you ever WATCHED a man die? have you ever in your life watched a grown ass man choose to die in human excrement in diapers cant stand cant walk - have you ever in your life watched that?

my ex did. twice. and i had to have that man arrested and to this day i feel guilt about having to do that because he had to experience this trauma as well and he had to handle it however he was going to handle it and he couldnt handle it either. 

i imagine its like the same when you watch someone die of cancer in some ways. like not the exact because theres no choice with cancer. but i guess the question why remains. why did cancer have to befall you. why does cancer exist. why does cancer have to kill you. 

depression killed both of my parents and both of my parents lived with it for AT LEAST 40 years (my father probably longer).both of my parents chose not to do hard drugs. my dad was a very light alcoholic if you could call him one at all - he drank sincerely recreationally but it became a crutch to deal with everything else.

and i even get having the most important person you knew die. and do you understand that i know this so well that i even understand that right now you think that no one else “gets” how important this person was to you. how mighty an great they were because when a very important and beloved person to you dies there is so little room for the negative even though it can rear its head. 

my parents shaped everything i am to this day. they are dead and i absolutely live in the exact EXACt same lifestyle i lived in when they were alive. i changed absolutely nothing about myself in my grief. it has only been literally this year where i have been like okay. its time. and with my mother ... i dint. i i kept a giant GIANT wooden piece of shit box for these people as a symbol of respect when sometimes i really hate them sooo much and i am soooooo angry with them. 

sometimes i forget that im about to be 30 because i feel 15. i feel like when i woke up at 15 except now i am living my nightmares. everyday. and i still wake up everyday, i still try and instead of going batshit insane i took the time to truly explore how i felt about these people and the things that happened to me. instead of just crying about it and being sad and oh no hes dead it was like i knew there was a solution. and i think in some ways its true about my inplanted addiction to instant gratification. an i say this because i did it to myself by using the internet and other things (weed) to instantly satisfy boredom and anger an sadness. what i wanted at the time was to instantly solve how i felt. both times. and not like just make it go away but to “overcome” grief. like i would be enlightened by the grief and oh you know - my mother, shes found her peace now. my father, no longer suffering. its all supposed to happen its all alright. 

and i guess i also in this moment dont want to lie to myself - at 19 i was really unenlightened. at 19 i think i acted ... u know, im having a moment. and its not lke a deep one but i think for like.. maybe 8 years or so i kind of disregarded my ex’s feelings at the time. everything i felt overshadowed it and i kind of gloss over how i cheated on him but “didnt cheat” because i “broke up with him before i di anything” even though i 100% cheated on him. like i spoke the words of breaking up to him before i physically involved myself but it was like a plan between me and this fucking dude sooooooooo its really low and this is like so much shame in my life. i hold so much shame an regret over my actions that i just quickly tell this part of the story of my ex but its pretty bad. and then questionably bad things happened afterwards due to both of our immaturity and insecurities. my life was fucked before she died but i cannot fully say i never hurt someone. i cant say that. thats such a lie to myself. in my grief i did in fact hurt someone else. i disregarded another person and like its soooooooooooooooo hard for me to give any leverage to my mother. like she never made me feel or do anything fuck her. but my main abuser in life died. a person i saw like.. everyday of my life until i was 16. she was soooo important to everything i am today and to be really fair - i’m probably still fucked up because i absolutely refuse to deal with what she did. like i dont want to relive it any more than i already do even though you have to through it to overcome it. 

i smoke weed uner the influence of my father and i think i smoke weed for the same reason he drank - my mother is the reason i smoke weed. for the most part. like im really haunted by my father sometimes but i became so accustomed to this weird life with him that i mostly have like a culture shock where i realize other people didnt do this and then i get over it. sometimes i think about what he looked like when he slept and how it looked like he was dead. sometimes i picture the foot rotting off his body. recently ive pictured the blackheads on his back. they were really bad but not in like im traumatized way - my mother picked at his blackheads and i started doing it an its just a weird gross probably semi normal thing so like even though i have these images sometimes of my fathers illness what i am most haunted by is the words my mother put into my brain. i was brainwashed. i feel brainwashed. and sometimes i repeat scenarios she did. sometimes i do things she did and not like a nostalgic oh i have my mothers traits but like sometimes i lie. sometimes i tell lies. sometimes i have told lies to be able to get someones attention or pity. like not often at all. not even a handful of times in my life have i done this. very spread out. its not common. and its so shameful but i saw my mother do it and she did it pretty well and people would feel sorry for her and give her attention and it wasnt good or deserved in anyway but it worked.

sometimes. sometimes i have exaggerated illnesses. sometimes i have downplayed symptoms i am having. and i do this i think because i was trained to do this. my mother told me i was sick, she told me the symptoms and it was all repeated from there. i have been extremely lucky to have like no major medical issues since i was a child. i have never had to deal with anything happening because im actually pretty physically healthy outside of the toll depression takes on my body. i coud of course quit smoking but i dont have lung issues. i was told i had asthma for 13 years. we had to move. we had to fucking move bro because i had “asthma” and i had to take the inhalers and of course man of course it wasnt ust inhalers it was the fucking plastic tube that somehow made it better you held between the inahler and your mouth. 

to bare it all - i dont even know if im allergic to pine. my mother said i was allergic to pine so no more real christmas trees but what if this bitch was doing it to me. ive never had like extensive exposure to these trees since then. who the fuck knows.

why is it - okay. when i go to the hospital they ask me allergies and i repeat verbatim the same thing my mother said to every doctor i ever met, “sulpha, pencillion, amoxicillin and codiene” 

tell me why as a child i frequently had penicillin and at no point in my memory was there like some reaction upon taking this. and everyone remembers it. we all know the banana flavoured medience. and i remember taking it so many times an then suddenly i didnt  and suddenly it was apart of this list and like maybe i developed an allergy but what if she just decided? how did she find out i was allergic to these other things? i am REPEATING A MANTRA by a woman who nearly killed me using prescription drugs. 

i make alot of excuses. im probably lazy more than depressed because if i was sooo scared i could get tested for my allergies and know for myself. 

do you know how upsetting my birth certificate was? and it wasnt even my mothers fault, it was more my fathers fault. but all these little dumb things and its not like ths is crazy never heard of its small things that other people experience too but they hold so much weight like can someone tell me why my mother stopped spelling her name right? like shortly after my birth she no longer spelt it theresa and spelled it teresa. and i had such a moment at her funeral when i saw her name spelled right and asked why it was wrong. that she had spelled it without an h. her parents were like .. confused and appalled that i suggested she had done this an like of course her name was with an h. and fair enough guys. you are the people who named her. which means it was in my lifetime that it changed. and on legal documents even though she maintained her first real name (mary) she spelled it teresa. but these old documents and the way my father spelled it was theresa. whats in an H? like maybe im crazy right. maybe im just making a big deal out of something small but usually when something lke this occurs its because ssomeone else made the mistake and usually youre a foreigner. like someone wrote your name on an official document wrong and now thats just it. but this woman .. she went to private school like she had to have had official document before 1990. this woman made a concious choice to drop the H in her name. why? was it a choice? did she just like slip up one time and went with it for 19 years after? like did she fuck it up so majorly in some public way that she had to convince other people this is how she spelled her name.

and like its been a really long time. and i dont have a lot of these documents anymore. to be fair, i have like 7 remaining objects of my mothers. i dont even know if i have documents with her writing outside of a wedding guest book from 1980. so sometimes - sometimes she wins. sometimes i think that maybe im wrong. maybe i just think she stopped doing it but like why would i notice this? why would i think about it so much? 

sometimes i try to think really hard about her but i did such a job at blocking her out and smoking away these memories i literally cant remember more than like 10 - 20 memories of her. i spent half of my life with her. closely. and like.. i remember when i was in like grade 3 - 5 because i was walking to a certain school and i remember this is like.. no you know what. i have atleast 5 seperate memories of this and thsi in itself says something - faking sick. i faked sick religiously. and like i knew this bitch would buy it because at this point im a clever angry bitter child with no true subconcious yet. im like i know my mother will buy into sickness - thats who she is- and i wont have to go to school.

so i start the day before at bed. im coughing. im coughing really hard because of my asthma right but im not sick at all im good but im forcing these dog coughs at 2am and she wakes up and its like oh well i guess youre sick and im doing this so often i have a memory of her frustration like she almost almost knew but this was her job and now im playing games. and its like man you trained me to do this but your power was taken and now im using your training against you and all you really wanted was a sick kid. so im giving you all you wanted and none of it is real. and like im aware of this complexity at this point. even really early my father is now pissed at her and they dont trust each other. and theyre fighting about me and shes saying look at this and hes saying this is what you did. this was what my mother did to me. he knew that like i was turning cold because she was cold towards me and he knew it and he was telling her youre doing this to her stop doing this to her and she didnt so it just kept going.

in grade 10 i faked a heart problem. i freely admit this because i feel like its “okay” because it coincides with dropping out of school. but now im desperate. like im so desperate in this depression and my first year was her trying to kill herself and getting kicked out of the house and im like omg i cant do this anymore im not going to school something is going to give even though school is  a relief from home, i was starting to have all these expectations at school academically and socially and i couldnt keep up and something had to give and i couldnt get rid of my parents so i was done.

my father wanted me to “get a job” but it was like... you know. someday youre going to have to get a job. and in my own volition, once my mother had left for a year, i got a job. i was semi comfortable. on my first day of this important job my father became gravelly ill and spent like .. a month in the hospital. and im still going to work. im like 17 years old, everything has gone to shit and im still going to work. and im on the bus everyday crying to my friend that its all so fucking awful and i just want to like party and get high. 

so i started. and i spent all of my earnings on partying and getting high on mdma and k and weed. in one summer. it was like 3 grand or something which is alot of money for me in any time of my life thus far. thats the only time i ever earned a significant amount of money. 

but then i stopped. because within me i knew especially the hard drugs were beginning to do their damage to my body and i was drinking too much and i did carry it on for like a year before my ex put his foot down and i decided i didnt want to be a person in a relationship on drugs like that. we smoked weed and it was fine. 

and like on paper seperately - bratty attitude filled choices. i lied and faked an illness to get out of school, partied while my father was ill. and like i knew this. and in my early 20s i frequently reflected on these choices and actively knew i had to choose other things. was it fun? yes. was i with close loving friends? yes. was i safe? yes. was it the right thing to do? no. and i feel like if i dint make that choice back then i couldve set myself on a better path. but i gave up. i gave up and i give in for this moment and i never fully recovered, i just choose to smoke a shit ton of weed instead. i couldve learned real coping skills but i chose not to and now im almost 30 and i suck, utterly suck, at life. but it could be worse and i could be him. 

we finally spoke - no he answered the call and spoke whatever he wanted to to me still. that he couldnt deal with this and blah blah but its funny i guess as i told a friend i had said my last word were that i was not going to speak to him again. she said he mustve replied because that usually gets him. and its sad i have to resort to feeling like im not going to speak to him again to get any response. and im not being crazy and needy or whatever like you signed up to take care of someone who has major trauma surrounding this issue and you knew this. like in june im crying about how this was my parents fault. i have a whole process i have to go through over the course of my life because like i cant decide randomly one day to face this fear and anxiety. this type of issue has to come up as it will and it may not be a good time for me or anyone else but i now have to face and overcome this issue that is not just a medical problem but DIRECTLY related to my parents neglect. like every time a doctor asks how this happened how many times why has this happened this way i have to explain just the bare bones of how my parents how TWO GROWN PEOPLE thought this was okay TOGETHER and let it go. leaking blood and pus. this is like ... what this cyst has caused me in emotion and mental damage is sooo much morre than the cyst itself. the cyst is simple. knowing the neglect of it caused it to come to such a point that it has to be surgically deal with is painful. how did they fuck this up for me? and its like i couldnt just get surgery at 18. at 18 i didnt have a flare up. i have to wait for the flare up to deal and im like just dealing with it as it comes you know because its normal and i guess every few years i have to get this thing lanced thas just who i am now? i guess? but could be worse. could be wayyyy worse. like it coul be on my face, first of all. it could be like in my labia and i would have ppl touching my labia and doing things. it cou be on my actual butthole. it could reoccur every week. every month. 

eventually i got a few moments to speak a full thought and i told him it was extremely important to me to have someone capable of dealing with the worst of my anxieties and traumas before during and after this incredibly important moment i am about to face and optimistically overcome. i just know i will be very not okay about it. i know this, i did this by myself its not even like im playing it up for others like im by myself in public sobbing soo hard they cannot take proper vitals. thats how much this is for me. i will not have someone be neglectful or judgemental or take away my right to feel the way i have to feel in order to break through this. like im not taking away anything from anyone else, i’m just laying out what is require and if you can do that, then fine, but if you cant then no im not going through with this.

he made a weak argument and i explained that the last time i had to deal with major medical hospital things was my mother. so i am not okay with this and i am freaking out and this instability hes displaying completely on his own makes me question what im doing. and he continued to rattle off these excuses and started into “you want to talk about traumas, what about ...” and i just turned the phone away and waited until he was finished because you cannot tell me that im not allowed to feel any sort of ways about anything or talk about my mental illness or the things ive gone through and immediately launch into your own. there is give and take and youve already taken everything im willing to give now. he says i have to give him a straight answer because he needs stability and to figure out what hes going to do. 

.......

to live with this, i have every right to feel depressed and uncomfortable and unhappy. 

i need to begin the process of mentally letting him go. i want to feel free to talk to random people and open myself up to random people and experiences and i dont want to even think about anything with him. like honestly, there is no future with him or associated with him. he cant fix some of these things, its not going to happen. and im going to allow him and give him opportunities in the future to still be shitty to me. and future me needs to understand that this is just proof for why i have to let it go. 

and like im frustrated - in my perfect world ive abandoned this dream because ive found something better an more fulfilling to me. its so hard to abandon something without anything else. and like i get really aggravated when im in my i dont know what the fuck to do moments. and eventually i find something - anything - and i really try to put myself into it. like that becomes my new job because im trying out all these roles in life and maybe this one leads to something. like i enjoyed jewelry, a lot. but ike i wanted something bigger and grander and to be apart of something and like i guess build on the jewelry. like i went from collecting bones in a forest by myself to showing in an art gallery and going to receptions and making new friends - i like the beginning of my art career story. its glamorous and hopeful. 

and then i thought like i could be more than an artist. i could have a gallery or a studio, i could curate shows, do events - i could contribute to the arts and culture in the city and possibly resolve or find resolution for some of these issues. and i learned like.. a lot about art. i basically forced a semester of art history and basic art techniques down my throat and practiced daily. i wanted to feel knowledgable and professional and like prepared to take on the 1%

and i just lost that. like i built that for myself, by the way. thats not off the back of a man or relationship. amongst all my shit, i created a very minor artistic career. and i was / am well respected for my dedication and quality and like ... i really received a lot of praise. i got very little known hatred towards me. my shit was good enough it sort of overtook an ex friends venture an made her jealous. i was the first person in the city hands down to create a website dedicated to arts in the city. like maybe in 10 years there will be 50 more but i was the first. i was the one who knew how to do it. i left just a tiny make with my minor career. that i built. by myself. in the 5 years before and after my dads death. 

but its not that like i dont “want” to do that anymore. i think i do? but the city is not about it. the numbers to bring people out are small. the money is non existant. the quality of talent is not great. i think if i had entered a more viable scene i couldve graduated from what i was doing but as it stands its just not going to happen. and making money from art is really hard and no one respects a person who just paints unless theyre like the most amazing artist and i guess really i have nothing i want to say anymore. ive tried to express alot of things through art and things are left unfinished. im just ... not an artist like that. 

but im not even like mad at myself for it - 20s are your time to find yourself. im not an artist. and maybe i wont be a wildwoman land developer either. i know that if i could decide on something, if i could find something i actually cared about that i could achieve it. it would literally me be just saying 100% doing this and it being done soon after. no games. no waiting around. if i really wanted it i would invest everything i have into it. i know that. 

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Critics assemble: our writers pick their favorite superhero films

Batman v Superman v Captain America v all of the X-Men. Which cape-wearing, civilian-saving adventures are worth cheering?

Given the repetitive influx of superhero films in recent years, youd be forgiven for wanting very little to do with anything involving a cape, a mask and a post-credits teaser for a long time. But wait, the R-rated Wolverine sequel Logan hits cinemas this week and critics agree that its worth getting over yourself for.

Many are saying it will join the ranks of the all-time greats but what else should be on this list? Here are seven of the best from Guardian writers.

The Incredibles

Photograph: HO/Reuters

Was 2004 the superheroes annus mirabilis? That was when Marvel Studios initiated its ambitious plan to self-finance its movies, buy back the rights to characters such as Iron Man and the Incredible Hulk, and begin the 21st-century wave of superhero films, hugely popular with the public, but often patronised and dismissed the way westerns used to be.

But something else happened in 2004: the release of Pixars glorious animated superhero homage The Incredibles. Thats a film which doesnt fit easily into the superhero fanbase-constituency, and is part of neither the Marvel nor DC tribe (unless you count the fact that Pixar, like Marvel, is part of Disney). And Im conscious that in calling it a homage I may even now be denying it full superhero-film status. But a brilliant superhero film is what it is riffing on the X-Men and Fantastic Four with superb characters, a great supervillain, a terrific story and a sharp satiric theme on the subject of excellence, and the nature of risk, jeopardy and the state.

Mr Incredible (voiced by Craig T Nelson) is a lantern-jawed, barrel-chested superhero who plies his trade in the 1940s, the superheroes postwar first-generation comic book heyday. He is fighting alongside his fiancee, Elastigirl (Holly Hunter). When a member of the public sues him for preventing his suicide, it triggers a legal nightmare forcing the government to outlaw superheroism and to relocate supers to other cities with new identities and bland normality. Twenty years later, he and Elastigirl have suburban lives and he works in insurance a nightmarish perversion of his former calling. They have two kids whose superpowers they have to conceal at school. But then a new villain emerges with a secret connection to the Incredibles past, forcing them to reclaim their vocation and their destiny.

It is rightly celebrated for the superhero costumire, Edna Mode, voiced by the director and writer, Brad Bird, who thinks that capes are a bad idea and is passionately committed to her contemporary vision: I never look back, darling; it distracts from the now. There is a wonderful passage on the phenomenon of supervillains monologuing huge third-act set-piece speeches in which the villains talk about themselves and their awful vision.

Actually, in 2017, the non-talky streamlined all-action superhero film is pretty much against both capes and monologuing and also against Edna Modes injunction against looking back. Superhero films love origin myths, elaborate retro sequences from the past and all-around ancestor worship.

But as it happens, and incredible as it may sound, The Incredibles has a brilliant action sequence, as exciting as anything in any live-action superhero film or action film. Elastigirl and the two kids are flying in their plane to an island from which the errant Mr Incredible has sent a distress signal. Then she is attacked by rockets. The subsequent chase scene and midair explosion are absolutely nail-biting.

It is witty, smart, visually ravishing, and its generic insights are celebratory, not derisive. What a great superhero film. PB

Batman

Photograph: Allstar/Warner Bros/Sportsphoto Ltd/Allstar

I have to be honest: I am not the worlds biggest superhero movie fan. Put another way, when they took off in the late 80s, I thought they were a fad that would blow over in a few years; more fool me. In fact, the elevation to ever-prolonging ubiquity is one of the great mysteries of contemporary cinema: how this genre, that for years was considered only good for doltish teens, and treated with equivalent lack of respect, has steadily evolved into the mainstay of the global film industry. Be that as it may, I prefer the funny, candy-coloured type of superhero movie (Spider-Man, Thor, Deadpool) rather than the furrowed-brow earnestathons (Batman Begins, Captain America, Man of Steel) Ive never seen a superhero movie weighty or nuanced enough to justify the heavy-duty treatment.

But as films as opposed to moving comic-books superhero movies tend to fall down pretty hard. There are great sequences, brilliant set pieces, very nice shots but they rarely hold together, still less allowing actual narrative subtlety to intrude on the scene-shifting. The first and still, by my reckoning, only time that a superhero movie seemed way ahead of everything else was the first Tim Burton Batman, from 1989. A tour de force of design, cinematography, and cinematic texture, it was light years ahead of (the nevertheless highly enjoyable) Superman films that had blazed the superhero trail in the 1970s and 80s. Burtons brilliance was to make everything else look redundant and in many ways, nothing has changed since. AP

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Photograph: Moviestore/Rex

Heres a conspiracy theory: someone at the Academy purposefully shuffled those envelopes to detract from the much bigger scandal earlier in the evening: the snubbing of Garry Shandling in this years Oscars In Memoriam montage. I hope my choice of the Marvel movie in which he cameos as a sinister Hydra disciple will go some way to righting this wrong.

Shandlings 15-second appearance in this sequel to the first film featuring the weed who becomes the most fantastic hunk is one of my chief reasons for picking it; the other is its literally the only superhero movie I can ever really remember enjoying.

This is obviously a personal deficit, but perhaps it is, actually, a better superhero movie than most? There are terrific action sequences, for a start: that initial heist, fuelled with sexual tension between the Cap and the Black Widow, plus the most wonderful punch-up in a lift. Plus, vegetables to accompany all that meat and beef: a properly thought-provoking investigation of the morals of surveillance and the ethics of vigilantism in a democratically accountable society.

But perhaps what really clinched it for me as an Avengers movie I could get along with was the relative dearth of Robert Downey Jr. The more you can minimise this man, the more I shall like any movie. CS

Thor: The Dark World

Photograph: Allstar/Marvel Studios/Sportsphoto Ltd/Allstar

Many are hailing Logan for stretching the boundaries of what a superhero movie can be. Its dramatic, fervid, and realistic in its violence. But lets not do away with whats core to comics culture: deep, dank nerdery that ought not be allowed to see daylight.

I love comic books rich in lore and steeped in mythos, swirling in and out of realms with names impossible to spell. Thor: The Dark World stuffs two handfuls of delicious dorkiness into its maw, one rich in fantasy, the other in science fiction. Is the Asgardian bio-bed a quantum field generator or a Soul Forge? The answer, of course, is that it is both.

Thor: The Dark World has portals and Kronan Rock Men and invisible spaceships and a ray that can curl you up into a singularity and zap you into another dimension. A liquid totem called the Aether is almost in Malekith the Dark Elfs nefarious grasp, just in time for the quinquennial cosmic event known as the Convergence. Oh, God, I need to stop typing and grab my asthma inhaler, this sort of talk gets me all worked up.

In the middle of all this, theres the bickering romance between the sharp and sweet doctor played by Natalie Portman and her hunky blonde blue-eyed spaceman, Thor. When they reunite during a battle, the first thing she does is yell at him for never calling. When they visit Thors realm, Dr Foster quickly bonds with Thors mother. They may as well be eating intergalactic coffee cake. And there are still some who say mixed marriages cant work?!?

Thor: The Dark World is a rush of Absolute Comics mainlined direct to my amygdala, with a profound purity that few other modern superhero movies allow themselves. It is Worthy. JH

The Dark Knight

Photograph: Allstar/Warner Bros

While Batman Begins was a refreshingly coherent, mature and dark-hued film about the Caped Crusader (a relief after the eye-punishing gaudy excess of Batman & Robin), it was far from a masterpiece.

There was a major villain problem (a somewhat gimmicky last act switcheroo that didnt quite have the required impact) and a major Katie Holmes problem (needs no explanation) and as a result, it was a promising franchise-restarter but not the home run we might have hoped for. Three years later, Christopher Nolan returned, lessons learned and homework done, with a sequel that rose far above its generic peers and, despite the creation of the hero-packed DC and Marvel universes since, it easily remains unsurpassed.

The Dark Knight moves like a fiendish thriller, one that confidently pushes the boundaries of the superhero genre in a way that comic book fans may be familiar with but which for cinema-goers such as myself was a revelation. Its a breathtakingly brutal film, packed with staggering PG-13 violence and a bleak worldview thats unrelenting, grounding fantastical characters and situations in a world that, for once, is depressingly easy to relate to.

That villain problem? Easily fixed. The casting of Heath Ledger in the role of the Joker might have been initially unpopular with fans, who couldnt envision his leading man looks buried under cartoonish makeup, but his performance was dynamite, an Oscar-winning fireball of anger and anarchy. That Katie Holmes problem? Replaced. Maggie Gyllenhaal added depth and a genuine emotional connection which led to the shocking finale carrying even greater weight. Its one of the rare examples of a superhero film where each devastating act of violence or aggression has a lasting impact. In Nolans Gotham City, life and death both mean something.

It might be to blame for the dreary drudgery thats bogged down many ensuing superhero adventures but it remains a ruthlessly entertaining example of just how daring and necessary the genre can be. BL

Watchmen

Photograph: Clay Enos/Photo by Clay Enos

It may be difficult to credit given Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice recently picked up a gaggle of Razzies, but Zack Snyder was once seen as the coming man of comic book movies. His 2009 adaptation of Alan Moores sprawling graphic novel about an alternative 1980s in which Nixon remains in power and superheroes are real remains a high point of the film-makers career and proof that given a decent script, he is capable of producing eye-popping cinema beyond that of most his contemporaries.

The bravura opening montage, set to the strains of Bob Dylans The Times They Are A Changin, is unequalled in comic book movies. The casting is impeccable: Jackie Earl Haley has never been better than as the hardboiled, morally immovable vigilante Rorschach, a gurning, spitting man out of time whose psychological torment is written on his face whether wearing that famous mask or not. Patrick Wilson is wonderfully understated as the taciturn Nite Owl, a superhero who looks like an accountant with middle-aged spread, while Jeffrey Dean Morgan is perfect as the leering, sneering, cigar-smoking alpha male scumbag the Comedian, a role which surely won him the part of the villain Negan in The Walking Dead.

Naysayers argue that Watchmen is too close to its source material, bar a sensibly altered denouement. But Moores story is so epic in scale and splendid in its unexpectedly detailed rendering of the inner psyches of costumed crimefighters that Snyder was really only required to add visual flare. If there is a Citizen Kane of superhero movies, this is indisputably it. BC

X-Men: Days of Future Past

Photograph: Allstar/20th Century Fox

The best thing about this time traveling entry into the vast annals of X-Men history is the absolute disregard Bryan Singer had for newcomers. If you hadnt been paying attention to his line of mutant entertainment over the last decade or so, youd feel a bit like Kyle Reese being spat out into 1984 with no clothes and no idea what was happening. That slightly manic pace, which feels like its borrowed from a daytime soap opera, plus the period costume and references to Vietnam, Nixon and the height of 70s cold war paranoia made this a strangely daring superhero film.

Instead of something that tried to set out the basic idea of what the X-Men were and what they were all about a concept most grandmothers could probably grasp by now this just got straight into the internal machinations of a group that makes the EU look harmonious. Of course, the old themes of good and evil doing battle, and overcoming personal demons (in this case addiction for Professor X) are there, but it was delivered in a knowingly strange way. You could even argue the hectic feel and funny but slightly smug lines set the stage for the least superhero-y superhero of them all, Deadpool. Singer knew fans were au fait with the concept of time travel, and would love to see Magneto and Professor X as their younger selves, so he threw it all into a blender and Days of Future Past came out like a perfectly mixed bit of superhero bechamel. LB

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from Critics assemble: our writers pick their favorite superhero films