#IT WASNT EVEN A CALCULUS PROBLEM

[lilacandladybugs]

Studying for my calc 3 exam and I had a nightmare that I was trying to solve something weird like x²+ 4x + 9 = e^x² + e and I don't remember what my strategy was but you know natural logs were involved. My professor walks by looks at my paper and goes " oh in this situation e is actually a variable" and I was so mad I woke up

[carcinized]

this school year im bringing back "weird flex but ok" as my mantra when it comes to snooty people comparing themselves to me

[perlapulido]

Ghostly Heart Beat

Summary: Ariana just got into a new school in Amitypark finding herself in adventure with her friends and running into trouble that can may or may not change her future.

Ch9

It was after school with Arianna and Valerie walking home since her dad is busy at work over night which wasnt an issue when 'Gia' suggested a sleepover. "You hungry or anything?" said Arianna unlocking the door. "Nah. I just get this homework done." said Valerie. "Okay well im going check on Maui. My mom put in timeout after he stole her chicken leg last night." said Arianna going upstairs. She went to her room seeing the blanket that covered Maui was pulled into his cage through the door. "Anything, Angie?" said Arianna looking at the doll standing next to the mirror. Knock. Knock. "Did Ava come and play with you?" said Arianna. Knock. Knock. "Okay. Thank you." said Arianna turning the tv on and pulled out her old kids movies in a box. Maui whined wanting to be let out as the door opened for him to run out as the front door opened on its own scaring Valerie to take out a device. Arianna went downstairs to watch Maui but saw Valerie holding a laser like gun then hid behind her back once she saw Arianna. "Relax. Since you are spending the first night at my house. I have a ghost that lives with in a doll along with dead puppy and my cousin that visits." said Arianna. "They are nice. My cousin has her moments. Now im going to watch Maui." said Arianna going outside. She walked out seeing a short hair blonde biker with Maui sniffing his bike and whistling getting both the r attention. "Maui. Inside. Now." said Arianna.

Maui went inside while she went over to the biker crossing her arms as he looked at her recognizing her. "Shouldnt you be inside singing or something?" said the guy. "I dont know shouldnt you be having tongue sex with your girlfriend by now and bring bad luck, Johnny boy?" said Arianna. "I would but Kitty is in need of a host. She got trap between the two worlds during the portal opening." said Johnny. "Why didnt you go use the mirrors? I like you and Kitty but you can be an ass sometimes." said Arianna walking inside her house. She heard Lilo and stitch playing by the intro music and went to refill Maui's water. "Sorry about earlier. I just dont like ghosts after one ruined my life." said Valerie. "Who is it so my cousin can kick their ass?" said Arianna. "The ghost id around amity park." said Valerie. "Oh Phantom. My cousin dealt with him before. I let get Ember out when she wants to visit." said Arianna. "Wait a minute. Ember McClain is your cousin. I just thought you looking like her was a coincidence." said Valerie going back to her homework."We got along great even taught me guitar and after her death i decided to follow her steps even have a podcast where i do covers." said Arianna. "Really." said Valerie. "Oh yeah. I can do one after doing the calculus problem." said Arianna. "I knew i forgot something." said Valerie as they both did their work. They both helped each other out while Jade and Curtis got home making dinner with Maui barking and jumping over the food they were making. "Ava. Angela. Help us with Maui." said Arianna. Maui then heard a squeak from upstairs to Arianna's room seeing a little girl wearing a shirt and shorts with curly hair holding his Lamp toy.

He wagged his tail as the girl threw toy down the stairs with Maui chasing after it and followed him to the living room. "Angela?" said Arianna. "Thats the little girl." said Valerie seeing her. "Yeah. This the first time we can see her." said Arianna. "Hi." said Angela as Maui dropped his toy to play fetch with her. The homework was done with Arianna taking Valerie to her room wile Angela kept on playing with Maui with Ava coming out of the mirror to join them. Arianna faced Valerie seeing her look at her stuff then saw an open note book on her future projects and checked out her music. "So you work for Plasmius?" said Arianna. "What?" said Valerie. "My parent work for him and i stay at his place on rare occasions where i help him out  his work too. I know his work when i see it. I wont say anything." said Arianna. "how can i trust you?" said Valerie. "i dont rat out on my friends and told you about the ghosts that are involved in my life." said Arianna. "I guess so. i work for him to get rid the ghost kid. The way i fought him is somethin." said Valerie. "I get it. Just be careful. You dont know him exactly like i do." said Arianna. "Anyways the ghosts that you hunt arent bad. You met Angela which im figuring her tory and help her cross over if she chooses to. I can even help you out how protect yourself without technology by Wicca spells from my old friends." she says. "I'll think about it." said Valerie. "Alright \. Hey wanna met my friends. i plan on video chatting with them." said Arianna gesturing her laptop in her desk. "Sure." said Valerie as Arianna setup her camera sending out video chat requests.

 The next day Arianna and Valerie hanged out more often during school when they had classes together and when lunch came Sam walked with her to their table joining Danny and Tucker. "Bad Luck, Tuck. Bad Luck, Tuck." said the boys chanted. "Oh will you shut up." said Arianna looking at the boys who walked away laughing at Tucker. "Im not bad luck." said Tucker raising his fork up to get smack up to a hive. Arianna and Sam ran with Danny inside before they could get stung with Arianna pull Valerie back before she can get out. "Bee hive." said Arianna. "Thanks. See you after school." said Valerie. "Cant wait sis." said Arianna as she walked away. She saw a look from Danny before punching his arm to make him stop. "Shes my friend besides hunting you like a dog." said Arianna. "I dont trust her and nothing happened to you last night?" said Danny. "You mean meeting Johnny thirteen. Yeah i met him and his girlfriend Kitty. Kitty needs a host since her body split during the portal opening and closing form what Ember told me." said Arianna. "Well he choose Jazz. Do you mind helping me out?" said Danny. "Could but cant. If you didnt realize but Val and i are hanging out at my house." said Arianna. "Ari?"sa id Danny givng her the puppy eyes. "Do you want a black eye?" said Arianna. "Dont be like that and anything from Angela?" said Sam. "She showed herself to me and Valerie while she was playing with Maui. First moving objects, knocks, and voice. She finally feels comfortable to be around in the open. And If you send her in the ghost zone." said Arianna grabbing Danny by the shirt bringing him to her face. "You. Are. So. Dead." She says then let go of him. "Message clear." Said Danny. "By the way I need to borrow your notes for Mr. Lancers. All night with the extra thermos." He says Arianna handing him her notes before they went to class.

[doctorletmebebrave]

literally losing my mind over this quiz I had to take. mind you, this was quiz ONE. The syllabus literally states that quiz ONE will be over chapter ONE. keep this in mind as you read.

well here's what I got:

question #1- something I've literally never seen before in my life. It's definitely a concept from chapter 2, not chapter 1, but it's WAY more advanced than what chapter 2 covers. Chapter 2 does NOT tell you how to solve this (I checked.) My professor includes a cryptic equation for us to use to solve the problem. I have never seen this equation. This equation is not in our textbook or anything we've learned. I do not know know half the symbols stand for because again, we have never learned this.

question #2- something from chapter 2 and not chapter 1, but it is a simple concept so I know it

question #3- something actually from chapter 1!! cheers!! she actually followed what the syllabus says! easy.

question #4- simple conversion problem. I can do it easily. However, it is also not from chapter 1, but honestly it's info we all know from before taking this class.

question #5- she literally leaves the answer in (by accident ?) at the top of the question. so uh. easy. also worth noting that this is, AGAIN, something from chapter 2.

also, every single question had the same weird figure drawn underneath it. it had nothing to do with any of the questions and did not illustrate concepts in those questions but it was still under every single one.

I'm so so so so sick of this professor. She's the worst professor I've ever had and unfortunately this is the FOURTH class I've had her in. Trust me. This is the type of chaos that happens all the time. Her classes are deeply deeply unorganized, she never teaches anything, she frequently messes up quiz keys and can't solve the problems SHE wrote. It's impossible to learn anything in her classes. You can never find what work you have due, or when the due dates are.

everything we're doing right now is fluid mechanics. this is not a fluid mechanics class, nor does our major have any prerequisites for fluid mechanics or physics. She, of course, is not actually teaching us anything but rather just throwing equations at us and expecting us to know how to use them by ourselves.

[rjhpandapaws]

A Cup of Something Better

Ch3: Lesser of Two Evils

The cab ride home from work went by slowly, not so much because there was traffic or anything of that sort, it was because Connor was wrapped up in his thoughts. Time seemed to bend and stretch around him as he played back his work day. There were things he knew, like how he disliked working the afternoons because they were slow, how he preferred working with Simon or Josh over North because they would talk about classes instead of customers. But there were also things he didnt understand, like why it got under his skin when people altered their drinks; health reasons aside of course. Following that train of thought almost directly, was the man who added all that espresso to his vanilla latte, though Connor couldn't decide if his issue lie with the drink itself or the man who had ordered it.

Connor sighed and rubbed at his face leaning back into the seat. He tried to think about his classes for the night, what books he would need. It was a question that was easily answered, he would need his calculus textbook, and for his English class he would need the paper back book that had collection of 20th century shirt stories in it. He preferred his math class to his literary analysis class, numbers were certain and clear, if you did one thing another of a few given options would be the direct outcome. Literary analysis relied on opinion amd there weren't really any absolutes; and if he purposely aligned his views with those of he professor he would be docked points. Which then brought his thoughts to one Professor Hank Anderson, he was nice enough, rough around the edges and not, at first glance, the kind of person you would expect to see teaching a college English class. He drank enough coffee that Connor was willing to bet he would bleed the stuff if he was cut. Or, maybe he just drank coffee on Mondays to get over the exhaustion of the weekend. Connor was in the hybrid variation of the class and because of that only attended on Mondays.

His thoughts had begun to cycle back to coffee, and through that, back to the cafe, because of that then back to specific drink orders and their owners. There was Machiatto Guy who sometimes came in more than once in a day and ordered either a medium or large Carmel Machiatto with a single shot of espresso, constant if not consistent. Richard came by most mornings, usually just before or just after Machiatto Guy, and always ordered a medium back coffee, constant and consistent. Then were was Markus who stooed by on the days he wasnt working with them and would pick a drink at random before heading to his apartment to paint. Today there had also been his Latte Murderer, Connor didn't know if he would be coming back or not, but he sincerely hoped that monster of a drink wouldn't be his usual.

The cab stopped outside his apartment block, he paid using his phone and headed up to his unit. He had about two hours give or take before he needed to leave. His plan for the evening consisted of calling Richard, making dinner and relaxing with shitty TV if he had the time. He entered his apartment and set his keys in the bowl by the door, he grabbed the iPad off the counter and set it in the stand by the stove. He opened the discord app and tapped the name UnluckyNine and then the call icon. None too surprised when Richard picked up right away.

UnluckyNine: That was fast. Not cooking dinner tonight?

Connor was looking in the freezer grabbing a proportioned serving of salmon as well as a bag of frozen vegetables. After he had set two pans on the stove he stole a glance at the iPad to see if Richard had sent anything.

"No. I am, you're on the iPad for the moment, its an emergency." The butter had melted in the first pan so Connor very carefully set the portion of salmon to cook, the sound filling the small kitchen, "I am having a crisis."

UnluckyNine: That kind of day? Was it the Machiatto Guy again?

Connor groaned at the reminder, he'd just gotten his thoughts out of that particular spiral. He poked at the cooking salmon a little more aggressively than needed with his spatula with the hope it would make him feel better. It didn't. So he supposed all that was left to do was admit his defeat and ask for help seeing as his dinner didn't hold the answer to his problems. It was unfortunate really.

"He did come in today, but he wasn't the worst of it unfortunately. But still, what kind of beast adds espresso to a Carmel Machiatto! Its supposed to be sweet! Sweet, Richard not bitter." Connor took a deep breath, letting it put as an overdrawn sigh. He gave another cathartic poke to his salmon before lifting it to check the bottom, the sizzling returning to the room as he put it back, "This guy came in today, and ordered a medium vanilla latte and asked for four shots of espresso. Four! In a drink that doesn't even have espresso in it! Machiatto Guy is a saint compared to him!"

He heard Richard typing something out as he opened the cabinet above the iPad looking for the garlic salt. When he found it he set it on the counter and checked the iPad.

UnluckyNine: I never thought I'd see the day that you called Machiatto Guy a saint. So your latte monster, what was he like? Aside from murdering a perfectly good coffee, what did he do to get you this mad?

For the record, Connor was going to express that he wasn't mad, just, conflicted. He'd expected the attractive stranger to at least have an okay taste in coffee. What came out instead of all that was a forlorn sigh.

"Nines, he was so handsome." He barely registered the use of the old nickname as he continued on his tangent, checking the fish again and adding the vegetables and garlic salt to the second pan. "Blue eyes, longer hair, he's going a little grey at the roots and he's built like a tree. Y'know briad shoulders, the works."

UnluckyNine: Just up your alley. Except he murdered his drink.

Connor gave his salmon another aggressive poke before flipping it. "He could have been the one! But he's a sociopath! Four shots of espresso... like, what kind of job requires that much caffeine," Connor sighed again, checking his vegetables. He might be being a little dramatic but all of thisbwas just frustrating, "I mean, I have no way of knowing if he even swings this way so its probably for the best."

He turned off both burners and turned to get a plate just to find them all dirty. Doing dishes got added to his list of things to do before class and he grabbed a cereal bowl deciding that would have to work. He set it beside the stove and checked for messages from Nines.

UnluckyNine: You also don't know that he doesn't l. Just because he needs to inject caffeine directly into his bloodstream doesn't mean he's a bad guy.

UnluckyNine: Use some of your charm and see how it goes. Latte murderer or not, he may be nice.

Connor rolled his eyes putting the mixed vegetables in the bowl, then the salmon and topping it with some soy sauce. "Richard, you been listening at all? He added four shots to an espresso less drink, and a medium one at that! Sure he's handsome, and like, everything I like in a guy, but he's an animal."

UnluckyNine: You have yet to describe him as 'three sleep raccoons in a trenchcoat' like you did with Machiatto Guy. So I'm inclined to believe he isn't all bad.

Connor didn't see the message until he got to his room and got his laptop set up. He settled in his with his back resting against the wall. Relaxed for the time being he clicked on the video icon knowing Richard preferred to see who he was talking to.

"Okay, so let's say you're right and he isn't all bad. What do I even say?" He cut into his salmon with his fork and took a bit letting his brother steer the conversation.

UnluckyNine: Hello would probably suffice. Make small talk, you're a barista. Get to know him, slowly.

Connor expected the sarcastic remark and motioned for him to continue with a handband matching eye roll. As tactless as Richard tended to be, he gave much better advice than Silas.

UnluckyNine: Alrifht alright, assuming he comes back, ask what he does for a living. See if it justifies murdering a perfectly good latte.

UnluckyNine: I have work in the morning so I'm going to call it a night. Good luck.

Richard worked at a library and seemed to enjoy it but he also worked early most days and unlike Connor, he actually needed a human amount of sleep to function so Connor let him go.

"Bye Nknes, thanks for listening." Connor waved before hanging up. He clicked onto Netflix and reclined against the wall. Tonight would be fine.

@yayen-chan

[foxs-howl]

To a certain extent this is true. It is important that everyone studies these subjects for the reasons stated. At their fundamental levels. It doesn't mean everyone should study the same math (for example) the same way you wouldn't expect everyone to lift the same amount of weight or even the same kind. What is challenging but healthy for one person is too much and detrimental to another person's health.

My sport of choice is irish step dance, so I don't know how much weight a football player should being lifting. I'll just throw a number out there. Lets say football players are bench pressing a hundred pounds. They need the upper body strength so sure. I see the value in that. But in Irish step dance its all about the legs. Especially in solo dances, we dont use our arms for much, so we dint need to build as much upper body strength. What we need is leg and core strength. If my instructor suddenly told us we were going to start working up to bench pressing that much weight it would be stressful and pointless. Some of our dancers are too young or too old for that to be safe. But more to the point, it would be unnecessary.

The same applies to calculus. I originally went to college to be an elementary teacher. So why would i need to study calculus? Math has always been my weakest subject and has always stressed me out. Calculus is too much weight for it to be healthy for me to try to lift, and it wasnt something I needed to learn in the first place. A history major doesnt even need to learn algebra. They should study basic math, but they shouldnt be stressing out over trying to learn something they dont need and might struggle with to the point of intense anxiety. There is more than oke way to gain the mentally skills advanced math teaches.

The problem with expecting everyone to learn some form of advanced math in school is that were being graded on it. How well you perform in a subject you may never need determines the kind of school you can get into for the subject youre actually going to use. If you struggle too much with a subject you shouldnt even be lifting you may even get held back.

TLDR: Just like how everyone should exercise doesnt mean we should all be bench pressing a hundred pounds, everyone should learn math doesnt mean everyone should learn advanced math.

It’s sad how much of what is taught in school is useless to over 99% of the population.

There are literally math concepts taught in high school and middle school that are only used in extremely specialized fields or that are even so outdated they aren’t used anymore!

[sciencebutmagical]

TLDR; I smoked a lot of weed and I write about this. Listen to me anyway? Or don’t. I’m not cutting it off. Scroll past. I dare you. U a coward? Maybe. SPIN UR WHEEEEEL MAAAAAAN. BE A DAMN WIERDO..... I DARE YOU. COMMUNISM? CAPITALISM??? SOCIALISM!!!!!!!!!! MILLENIALS!!!!! FIND OUT????¿¿¿¿? JESTER WAS MY FAVORITE AND SO WAS CALEB AND SCANLAN AND I LOVED CRITICAL ROLE AND DRAGON AGE ITS A METAPHOR BABEY. TIME????? FABRIC. SPACE??? LIGHT. PARTICLES AND WAVES BABEY. WHY BE BAD WHEN U COULD BE GOOD CHAOS. IM A WRITER.

I’m gay bc someone called me a faggot? I like women. Trans people exist I was confused. Danny was a liar. That’s it. Zootopia. Judy was a cop. Cops are liars. Violence is still a lie. Chaos chaos chaos chaos that’s why I did it. Mischief. The troublemaker. The Traveler. Solas was Chaotic Good Actually But He SEEMED Pretty Neutral BUT Very Wise In The Begginning. I STILL LOVE CASSANDRA EVEN THO SHE WAS DEVOTED TO “ANDRASTDE” THE LADY JESUS THE DIVINE(pope) COULD STILL BE A MAN DORIAN WAS RICH AND GAY AND GREW UP AROUND ELF SLAVES IM SUCH AN ASSHOLE BLACK LIVES MATTER IM CONFUSED THESE ARE PEOPLE THATS WHY IM MAD. CHAOS OH MY GOD I FIGURED IT OUT AND IM GOING TO WRITE IT ALL OUT HOW EVER THE FUCK I LIKE AND I HAVE AN EXCELLENT VOCABULARY I KNOW SO MANY WORDS AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHGAAHAHAHGAHAENWJIF I FIND WHAT I DONT UNDERSTAND AND I LOVE IT UNTIL I DO I LOVED EVERY GENRE OF FICTION UNTIL I DIDNT ANY MORE AHAHAHAHA I can’t believe I understand the whole world at the same time at the ripe young age of 20. I hunt. I don’t have to kill. I’ll never kill you: pacifism. Polite. Class????? Disgusting. Chaos. Balance. WIZDOM. Spirits. Old things are always complicated and are usually too busy. Statistics. I took a class in it. I got a 4/5 on that AP test. An AP is “Advanced place” apparently. I was in the “talent pool(ed)” my whole life but I always hated math until I found it fun. I liked to solve problems. I HATED Physics bc all of it was math but my physics teacher was really kind and really liked doctor who and I really actually liked her in the end but I never knew how to say sorry that I was rude in the beginning. Teaching is the noblest profession but I don’t understand children because I understand logic and empathy. SHERLOCK HOLMES WAS A RELENTLESS LOGICIAN. HE DIDNT KNOW THE EARTH REVOLVED AROUND THE SUN. HE WAS BRITISH. THE BRITISH ARE LIARS BUT THEY HAD THE BIGGEST GUNS AND THATS THE ONLY REASON THEY CONQUERED CHINA AND CHINA WAS THE FIRST PLACE THAT HAD GUNPOWDER BECAUSE THEY USED THEM FOR FIRE WORKS AND FIREWORKS CAN BE DANGEROUSAND THATS FIRE. ATLA. I LIKE AIRBENDING BECAUSE THEY ARE PACIFISTS AND PASSIVE AND SPIRITS AND KORRA WAS HOT BECAUSE SHE WAS CHAOTIC AND SHE LIKED MAKO THE FIRE BENDER BECAUSE HE WAS “HOT” BUT IN THE END SHE LOVED ASAMI AND THATS BISEXUAL GET OVER IT. ASEXUALS DONT LIKE SEX AND DONT HAVE IT. I HAD A CRUSH ON ONE ONCE. SHE WAS A HE AND VERY PRETTY UNTIL HE WASNT AND I AM GAY. AND I LIKE MYSTERY BC I AM MYSTERIOUS IT IS THE BEST THING EVER. A WISE WOMAN SAID SO IT WAS A METAPHOR ANYONE CAN DO IT. I FAILED THE CALCULUS ONE I GOT A 2. 2+2=4 4/5 on the TEST GOOD? GEORGE ORWELL DIDNT THINK SO OH MY GOD. CHAOS THEORY. I GET IT NOW. I GET IT. I GET IT I GET IT I GET IT AND IT TOOK 20 WHOLE YEARS. I am a FIREBENDER WHO LOVES PACIFISM AND FREE WILL AND SHATTERED WINDOWS THE NAZI’S SHATTERED THE JEWS WINDOWS KYSTALNAUCHT THE SECOND WORLD WAR CAN WE NOT START THE THIRD ONE WITH. CHINA MR TRUMP HOW BOUT THAT. MY BEST FRIEND IS ASIAN (from Korea) (which is in Asia) AND PEOPLE ARE TREATING HIM LIKE SHIT BECAUSE OF COVID AND I HATED IT PROTECT IS IN MY NATURE. I LOVE PEOPLE AND I HATE THEM THEY WILL ALWAYS DO WHAT THEY WILL. ALL ONE THING HUMAN YEA??????????

[theouterspaceplace]

WIP chapt #3 TexRex

The First time I heard of Tex Rex the Dog Genius Was in 2060 and TexRex was only 3 years old. But those were determimed in Human years and not Dog years. By current dog/human years calculations Tex Rex was in his mid to late 20's. TexRex would later scoff at that calculation and almost single handedly (pawly) changed dog to human years calculation. He was already a Post Grad Math and Physics student and had been working on his Doctorate Thesis for the past couple of months. He was very popular in the press as the Dog Genius, and that popularity exploded six weeks later when he took the Math Olympics by a storm when he ranked 3rd in the world for mathematics. Those statistics were not for dogs but humans. We now had a dog smarter than 10.8 billion people on Earth. How this was possible we are not sure. But we did know that TexRex was the Great Grand Nephew of a early on Designer Puppy. Genetically speaking the scientist decided that they wanted a dog with vocal chords, very intelligent for a dog ( not human intelligence) and attenuated to live in the Human World (essentially a good family dog), a side order of longevity and size were thrown in at the last minute. So out came a very ugly Designer Puppy who lived an easy life at a university until he was two and a half and the Scientist gave up on him as a failure. What they did not realize is that when they tweaked the genome for longevity they did not change there calculation for dog years. Comparatively speaking rather than being in his mid twenty’s he was only 1.5 years old. When they slowed down the aging process they overshot the mark about ten fold. So the Designer Dog had not learned how to speak by 1 and a half years. He wolfed and barked a little but his speaking days were yet to arrive. Shortly after TexRex was given away and written off as a loss, a farming family adopted him and he lived for another 65 years and died a young dog in a bad farming accident. But his 65 years were fruitful. His promiscuity was gaining legendary status.as well. By some estimates he had fathered up to 1546 puppies by 189 different mothers. Some of the mothers had three or four litters and he was the bark of the dog world in the north east part of Texas. Most of the puppies were quite intelligent for dogs some as smart as humans but the vocal chords did not appear on any of the dogs except one. She was the shy silent type and uttered about 500 words her whole life. The vocal chords were obviously the recessive gene, but recessive does mean that it wasnt there. In fact the recessive gene lived in all of the dogs that the original TexRex had sired. It came as quite a surprise some 45 years later when a Beautiful Husky with vivid blue eyes sired a litter that looked like three miniature horses. They did not look very Husky like but took after the Father who was 'Half Greyhound and half Doberman Pincher. He really would of benefited from his mothers side in the looks department but as a puppy he looked like a miniature horse, Splotchy fur in a medium length coat. His coloring was a light brown, black white and grey, Luckily for Tex he grew into his dog frame quite nicely in later year. Not a Swan story but not too shabby his twin sisters would tease him. They all got the same looks more or less (the twins fared far better) but really not that bad of a look, The twins got the looks Tex got the brains and size. He was big. Texas Big. Hell he was even big for a Texas farm dog. So before the first human year was up, Tex Rex Jr. had bis vocal chords exercised on a daily basis. He used them to torment the dogs in the neighborhood. And later his trainer/teachers were the victims of his daily barrage of foul mouthed incessant talking with a loud bark interspersed between the explicit gestures he made. Soon you just could not stop him from talking, chatter chatter,banter and stammer. It was getting really bad by the age of two he was reading two books a day and these were not easy reading, Advanced trigonometry, Applied physics, Functional Algorithms the Practical Manual. Real exciting reading material for 2 year old dog. Then it got worse, he started writing and publishing his own thereoms, equations, quantum mechanics, nano chip repair and maintenance. No body knew where he learned all this information from, but he seemed to know his shit. The dog was "for real" as the media reported. The reason for his popularity was not that he could speak English, lots of dogs could speak. There were probably 10,000 talking dogs in the world. which is essentially nothing as the world wide population of dogs was about 545,000,000 dogs. So the average live birth rate for a dog that could talk was 0.00018%. But there were approximately 10,000 dogs worldwide. The human population got used to seeing or hearing a dog talking. They were not used to seeing one that could Talk, Read. Write, and do mathematical equations from a graduate level calculus course. He ended the media circus around him. Then no body saw him for 4 months, when he reappeared he was a changed man. woops dog. Little Tex was strutting his stuff. Well that is the way everyone was looking at him. He also spoke French, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, German, Scandinavian, Polish and Russian. He had been a busy dog. He studied during the day and then practiced what he learned on the local ladies dogs at night. Later he reflected to me that it was like having puberty condensed down to 4 months, When he got back to his studies he was ready to buckle down and get started on some of the Hypothesis and his crazy design ideas that he had thought of, up of 10 he had come up with in the past 6 months. What he had done in a short time for mathematics was astounding, But then the whole Space/Time equation, that not only got him his Doctorate in Mathematics and Theoretical Physics from MIT but his equations. theorem algorithms they were almost immediately tried, tested,re-tested, verified, Patents were issued to a legal Dog Citizen. So now he had a super brilliant mind with money to burn if he wanted io. MIT asked him to stay there and join the faculty as a Professor Emeritus. He agreed to the offer without thinking about it very much. He was here already, they were providing him with below market rate faculty housing (free)., He wasn't under their thumb, and they picked up a bunch of advertising money from the increased traffic to their web site. He had been there for almost a year before he announced his plans to teach a Class the following semester. Well, the faculty had never thought of this contingency. Having a Dog teach their MIT students. Something just did not seem right about it. They tried to stall the inevitable lecturer, Professor,Phd. Doctor's right to teach a class. They knew they had to acquiesce or the media backlash would be absolutely horrendous . They really weren't sure which would be worse having a dog teach a class at one of the top 10 Universities in the world, or not letting hin teach a class and be labeled a racistdoghater. the final vote was 7-3 to let him teach. In retrospect the right decision but not for the reasons one would think. It was a disaster. A total and complete disaster. Every student except two had dropped the class by the drop deadline. The two that stayed got the education of a lifetime in the next 10 weeks. The two bravest humans to ever grace MITs walls. The dog had gone Mad. It certainly seemed that way. He growled and sneered, bared his teeth in a seething rage when they did not understand the task or equation he proposed. Imagine having a huge guard dog growling in seething rage and in an attack stance ready to bite you if you did not have the correct answer in nano seconds. The two students knew they had no choice now but to follow the class to its conclusion. The first four weeks were filled with terror and shame. At some point TexRex had taken to mumbling the the "only good human was a dead human" and the two students were nearing a total mental breakdown. The next day the class went well, really well. He got mad once but did not even growl, maybe a little grimace if anything. The next day was the same if not even better. Not a bark, growl, howl, or just start screaming at you " You worthless dumb shit, do you not know the answer Betty?" that was one of his mainstay expressions. No doubt he watched a show on his media monitor. His other favorite statement or question to us was "so did the two of you morons do your fucking homework or are you again as brain dead as a fucking brick" He even carried a brick around with him, I guess as a prop to back up his statement. But now it was different. They had the answers to his questions and the right answers. Tex approved them and they both got b- in the class. But they were revered in the world of mathematics as the two first students to survive his class. And so it went, his class gained a almost Cult like following with the Hero’s being  those that finished the class. (Even if they failed the class, they survived and actually learned a lot more than they thought they would. So now TexRex had worldwide fame for the good and the bad. And a lot of the bad came from outside of class. See TexRex had gotten a healthy dose of his great grandfathers snoop dogg nature. He was a dog on the Prowl for the lady dogs at night. How he met these lusty doggies I do not know. Some say the internet dog dating sites, but I think they were groupies to his entourage. He always had something going on, and this lead to problems every now and again, and again, again? And then that is when I came into play in his life. Evidently he had gotten the University President/ Chancellor  two pure bred pekingees pregnant. Not one but both of them and Tex was 9 or 10 times larger then these lovely ladies dogs, That was bad but the list of his infractions with the lady dogs was a very long one. He had been at MIT for seven years now, but after two years they asked that I "adopt" him so he can have a strong father/brother figure in his life to demonstrate how to treat the female gender. Well it didn't start off to well, at all, but after 6 or 7 months of tough as nails standoffs , something clicked between the two of us. Maybe it was my understanding of his crazy hypothesis. Maybe because of my palate. We both ate well those first two years but as if our cycles in in sync we both declared that we had to go on a diet. We were getting fat, really fat. I had never had any of this before. So we started jogging together. Then working out at the gym and then a little field training.

[valeriastrode66-blog]

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[tripile]

A Winter CSF Leak Update

I’ve received many very similar emails and DMs during the last few days.

“Jodi…?” the messages start out. “I don’t want to bother you but it has been a long time since you posted, and I’m really starting to worry.”

“Jodi: blink twice if you’re ok?”

“Jodi, here is a llama walking into an optometrist’s office in France. I thought of you! Also, ARE YOU OK?”

In a world of easy access to people’s inboxes, readers have only been a pleasure, a virtual cloud of warmth and never a burden. And when so many of you ping at once, I know I am due for an update. In this slow bedrest state, life feels like a woozy Groundhog Day. I love the filaments that connect me to so many of you, reminding me not to lose track of time entirely. I am so humbled by your care.

***

When I was a kid, my mother said my first word was a word. Instead of continuing along those lines, apparently the next thing I started said was a sentence, “see car go by.”

“And then,” my family jokes, “she never stopped talking!”

Being at a loss for words is not a problem I normally have. But yes, I have been very lax at updating because it’s been hard to find words for what I’m feeling.

A Leaky Anniversary

January 26 was the one year anniversary of the patch that sealed me last year. I had a really rough and heart-wrenching time reckoning with where I am on this anniversary. Instead of scaffolding off the slow and arduous recovery that followed the anaphylaxis and procedure, I am in bed.

Again.

For many months.

If you’re just tuning in, the CSF leak that sealed up and was healing reopened because I sat on the ground. Gingerly. Not even enthusiastically. I went from 4-5km walks a day, to no walking in record time.

At first, I was in extreme denial that something so small, so inhibited could blow out the scar tissue that had months to form. But one by one, each symptom I had in 2017 came back. I keep detailed daily logs of every symptom, supplement or mediation, and food. I couldn’t deny what I was experiencing.

Then, the grief. The anger. The deep sadness, the kind that suffocates all hope.

We learn about the “stages of grief” in popular culture, but what happens when they just cycle over and over? When you think you’ve come out the other side and can breathe again, when you tilt your face up at a brighter-than-you-remembered sun, only to find that you’re back in the dark?

***

My body, when I releaked, was in far better shape than the initial leak in 2017. Labs last summer showed improvements and lower inflammatory markers. I tried to stay positive. My friends and family came to visit. My inbox overflowed with llama photos.

As fall turned to winter, I saw some wonderful improvements. I stopped having the “brain sag” of my brain smushing into my spine due to low pressure. I moved into “high pressure” again, which is usually a symptom of the leak starting to seal over — the extra CSF produced while leaking backs up against the hole now tentatively closed. I started on the meds to lower intracranial pressure to prevent the fragile seal from bursting due to pressure. I felt cautiously optimistic.

And then a few weeks later in mid-December, I had an awful nightmare in my sleep. I remember it perfectly. And I also remember what woke me up: the excruciating pain in my back.

After an epidural blood patch to seal a CSF leak, the discharge instructions note that there’s to be no bending, lifting, or twisting for many weeks, but also that coughing or sneezing can blow out the patch due to intrathecal pressure. Many fellow leakers have blown out their patches — a clot or glue covering the leak temporarily while your own body can heal with scar tissue underneath — from constipation (pushing), sneezing, coughing, laughing.

Suspend your humanness while you can, the unsaid instructions whisper. Don’t do anything that can compromise this seal.

In my case, this nightmare I had blew out the seal and I was back to square one.

The Roller-Coaster of Ups and Downs

It is difficult for me to express the crazy-making nature of this condition.

No imaging sensitive enough to show a leak in many cases, including where it is located in the spine. Many people are chronically misdiagnosed because their imaging is normal. Normal imaging, the leak experts have learned, does not exclude a leak.

So the best way to know if you are leaking is via your symptoms, which only exacerbates your anxiety about what may or may not be happening in your body. It is a very tough, very exhausting dance to undertake. I have struggled the most with this balance of attempting to stay in touch with my body while also uncurling my clenched hands from the eventual outcome. Science tells us that focusing ad nauseum on our pain can magnify it in our minds, hence the usefulness of mindfulness and other meditation.

When your condition requires a focus on pain, and you also know you need to stay equanimous to heal effectively? That is a total mindfuck.

***

In mid-December, a close family member took a turn for the very worse. The funeral was around Christmas. I was too unwell to attend. Combined with the Re-Re-leak, I spiralled pretty solidly into a very bleak place.

If I’ve learned anything in this madness, it’s that staying in the black hole of despair is not how you heal. With the crutches of visits and calls from close friends, someone to talk with who specializes in grief, and the tools I’ve drawn on at the worst of times, I was able to wrench myself to a better place.

But still, I am not sealed and healed.

***

I put off Duke when I re-leaked because of what happened during the last round of patching. There is a lesson about anxiety in that procedure too: in my most creative of nightmares, I never imagined anaphylaxis as part of what could go wrong.

But it did, and while they will not use fibrin glue again (suspecting that was the cause for anaphylaxis), I’ve written about how my body seems to be stuck in that very reactive, anaphylax-y place. My mast cells degranulated all over the place and LOVED it. They seem to enjoy doing so again and again since, not only to foods but also smells – and even hot showers.

Given how pear-shaped things went last time, I wanted to give my body a long chance to seal before committing to another procedure. When I did seemingly seal up in November, I was so thrilled. It didn’t (and doesn’t) matter to me if it takes a long time, though my parents have the patience of saints. If slow and steady was the way, I was ok with that as long as I sealed up.

I will be honest: my turbulent December and January have tested the limits of my capacity for grace and patience and hope. I have been on bedrest for quite a few months. While I’m not bored, the pain levels are pretty unconscionable and keeping my spirit up has been a mighty challenge.

From my own calculus: if I do need to go back to Duke, I want to know I gave my body a full shot.

That way, if – IF – things go awry again during a procedure, I won’t be able to look back and say, “should have given it a bit more time.”

***

So where are we now? It’s February, and almost at my favourite holiday in the world: Vietnamese lunar new year or Tet. An amazing reader named Wendy just sent me a pic of lamp in my name from her family’s temple in Malaysia, a New Year wish of health and prosperity. Lunar new year was a time for reflection and cleaning and cleansing for my years in Asia, and I’ve kept that spirit during my return to Mexico and Canada. New Year starts in a few days, and with it I hope a better climate for healing.

I have seen such progress since the re-leak, progress I didn’t see when first in bed in 2017. I keep flipping into high pressure as it starts to seal, then unsealing. It may be that I need intervention after all, but I still have hope that the JodiDura-that-could comes through this winter. I’m eating a strict and healthy diet, meditating, visualizing, consistently working to bring my mind into a better space.

If I can’t seal during the winter, it certainly won’t be because I didn’t try.

Learning to be the Tortoise

There once was a speedy hare who bragged about how fast he could run. Tired of hearing him boast, Slow and Steady, the tortoise, challenged him to a race. All the animals in the forest gathered to watch. Hare ran down the road for a while and then and paused to rest. He looked back at Slow and Steady and cried out, “How do you expect to win this race when you are walking along at your slow, slow pace?” Hare stretched himself out alongside the road and fell asleep, thinking, “There is plenty of time to relax.” Slow and Steady walked and walked. He never, ever stopped until he came to the finish line. The animals who were watching cheered so loudly for Tortoise, they woke up Hare. Hare stretched and yawned and began to run again, but it was too late. Tortoise was over the line. After that, Hare always reminded himself, “Don’t brag about your lightning pace, for Slow and Steady won the race!”

The moral lesson of the Aesop’s “Tortoise and the Hare” fable is that sometimes you can be more successful by doing things slowly and steadily than by rash action. The race (of life) isn’t necessarily won by the fastest or strongest animal, but by those who persist in the face of obstacles – including the obstacle of time.

I undertook my life in the stubborn spirit of the hare.

I went to law school straight from grade 13 (CEGEP, in Quebec) because someone bet me I couldn’t get in. I took a job in NYC because on my first day of law school, someone said, “you don’t deserve to be here. Go back to high school where you belong. And don’t bother getting a job in New York City – you’ll never succeed.” When I quit my law job, it wasn’t for a two month trip, it was for an open jaw adventure to Siberia that unfurled into a glorious and food-filled new career.

My identity for years was the lawyer who quit her job to eat soup. As I’ve laid in bed on and off since 2017, I’ve watched the travel industry and my fellow writers move on with their lives. Mine feels very stuck. I am very unused to not being able to solve problems by DOING, and it is a monumental shift in my mindset. Above and beyond the leak, my health will require a different way of approaching work.

Apparently it’s time to be the tortoise.

Tortoise pic from one of the first adventures in my round-the-world trip: the Galapagos Islands in Ecuador

I’m still feeling around the edges of what that means for me. Sealing and healing will require me to change a lot about how I approach work and achievement, because excessive doing is a surefire way to undo my progress. There’s a lot here I hope to write about in the future, about learning to get under your mind and into your heart.

About listening to your body before it’s too late.

About not necessarily taking every bet that comes your way as a life challenge.

For now, though, I don’t know what I will redefine life “as.” I trust that it will unfold in its own way. While mourning the life I had, I also feel curious about what comes next.

But first: this leak in my spine needs to be firmly sealed for me to get walking again.

***

Thank you all as always for the caring notes, the questions, and the overwhelming support and love. I am extraordinarily lucky to have such a robust army of cheerleaders around the world.

Many of you have dedicated your meditation practices to my health, and for that I am grateful. I do plan to restart the group meditations next week, on Sunday February 10th. If you are interested in joining, the first 7 weeks are here, and you can enjoy any of the meditations as the tracks are all on that post.

I have been meditating alone here, but with all that unfolded I couldn’t manage the group ones during the holidays. I appreciate how many emails I’ve received asking when they’ll restart, and I am so glad many of you find them helpful and a source of light.

I haven’t written publicly in a long time, but typing this post out with my thumbs felt very good. I missed it. And though I would still be writing if no one was reading, I���m glad to go through this very tough journey with a community like you to help make things better along the way.

Jodi

The post A Winter CSF Leak Update appeared first on Legal Nomads.

A Winter CSF Leak Update published first on https://oceandreamblog.tumblr.com/

[ralphmorgan-blog1]

The Silent Marriage Killer More Deadly Than Sex & MoneyI Wasnt Ready for This

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Just after my wife and I got married, we attended a seminar on aiding the rehabilitation of human trafficking victims, particularly those trafficked for sex. (I won’t get into all that…that’s another story for another day.) In one of the presenter’s talks, he asked the audience what the biggest cause of divorce was. Since I had just been through premarital counseling, I pretty much felt like an expert at marriage. I shot my hand up quickly to answer the question, and blurted out, “Sex, money and communication!” …then looked at my wife next to me and grinned. Too easy.

“Wrong,” the presenter barked back. “Those are symptoms of the real problem.”

Ouch. Embarrassed much?

Not only was I given a sharp lesson in humility, but what followed changed my life. I was about to be told the best piece of marriage advice that this young, prideful, newly married man-boy could’ve ever asked for.

He continued…

“The reason marriages end in divorce is because of one thing…unmet expectations.”

*mind blown*

My newly married man-boy brain couldn’t handle the revelation. I don’t remember much of what was said after that. I was too busy thinking of all the unmet expectations I was already experiencing after being married a month.

Since that seminar six years ago, I have seen the pain and frustration that plays out from having unmet expectations, not just in marriage, but in all relationships. It’s a deadly venom that flows to the heart and wreaks havoc in relationships.

But having unmet expectations isn’t just a marriage problem. It’s a life problem.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re single, married, working, unemployed, old, young or [insert demographic here]. Having unmet expectations is lethal to everyone. No one is immune.

So…what’s the solution?

I’m a math guy. I ‘heart’ equations. I love crunching numbers and thoroughly enjoyed algebra and calculus in high school (although I probably couldn’t do a calculus problem to save my life now). So I came across an equation.

EXPECTATION – OBSERVATION = FRUSTRATION

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Here’s what that means. Below are two hypothetical situations played out…

EXPECTATION

When I come home from a long day at work, I EXPECT my wife to have dinner prepared and ready for us to sit down and eat as a family. She’ll be wearing an apron with no food stains on it (because she’s perfect like that) and her hair will be perfectly done up. Meanwhile, my 16-month old daughter will sit in her high chair and eat with utensils…never missing her mouth, which makes cleanup a breeze. After we all finish eating at exactly the same time, we’ll head out into the Colorado sun and go for a nice family stroll, while the butler (you read that right…BUTLER son) cleans up the kitchen and prepares our home for evening activities.

OBSERVATION

I come home from work thirty minutes late, and dinner hasn’t even been thought of…much less started. Because of this, my toddler is screaming her head off, signing “MORE! PLEASE! EAT!” When I search for my wife, I find her working on a design project trying to meet a deadline that’s technically already past due. When I ask what’s for dinner, she glares at me the way only an overworked, overtired work-from-home-momma can glare (it can scald your pupils…so the legend goes). After picking up my toddler, I make my way into the kitchen to find an abundance of NO GROCERIES. So, being the manly chef that I am, I set my eyes on cheese and bread. “Grilled cheese!” I exclaim. I put my daughter in her high chair as an influx of rage bursts from within her. I quickly grab the apple sauce pouch to appease her. It works…for now. I get to work on my grilled cheese sandwiches. Everyone eats. The kitchen is left a mess. Toys are scattered throughout the living room just waiting to break someone’s ankle. My wife and I collapse on the couch, avoiding eye contact and avoiding volunteering to clean the kitchen. I could keep going but…you get the picture.

FRUSTRATION = The difference between the two.

Quite an elaborate illustration, I know. But I’m trying to paint the picture of what our expectations can be like versus what life is actually like…what we observe. (DISCLAIMER: In no way was that illustration indicative of my actual life. It’s either not true at all, or highly exaggerated…or spot on. The jury’s still out.)

Antonio Banderas says it best,

“Expectation is the mother of all frustration.”

The fact of the matter is this: In life, we often have expectations that go unmet, and we’re often frustrated because of it.

But we don’t HAVE to be.

Here’s the answer: Let your OBSERVATION take precedence over your EXPECTATION. Period.

In other words, go with the flow.

Some would say to not have any expectations at all. But I wouldn’t go that far. I think healthy, realistic expectations that are communicated are good to have. They’re something to reach for.

But when you come into a situation and your expectations aren’t met, let your observation take the lead. Discard your expectation in the moment and deal with reality at hand.

Tired of being frustrated? Then set aside your unmet expectations and face reality head on. Then, after the fact, have a conversation with whoever is involved about what you expect and why.

In what ways have you dealt with unmet expectations? How have you positively handled facing reality? What other ways have you combated frustration? Leave a comment below for discussion!

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