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iamdorka · 4 years

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„Could I please request a 'Dating ______ would include:' bullet point headcanon for Colson, Dom and Pete respectively? I love your writing; thank you 🖤”

So here I thought about 5 random scenarios (while dating of course) and how each of them would react/behave in that case, so basically I put my own spin on this request. Hope you will like it. But I have to add that your request made me think about this type of writing, so maybe in the future I will bring you some extra writing too.

- taking couple selfies

Colson: Colson would be the type who says that he hates taking photos, but actually he loves it, especially the couple selfies, because he adores you and when you are taking a selfie of both of you and the picture turns out great, your smile is the cutest thing on Earth, he says. Of course usually it doesn’t turn out great for the first couple of times and after the 500th attempt he gets bored and starts to make fun of you, but you are always quite determined so you keep going and when there is a great photo he actually gets more in love with you, every fucking time.

Dom: Dom would love taking pictures with you. Yeah, you are an addict but he is your partner in crime in that too. Like his mind is just as crazy as yours and if something involves the two of you, that’s 100% sure that there will be photo evidence of that, probably posing like the most idiot, badass couple in the town. Your camera roll may have a few(!!!) selfies of yourself, but maybe there are even more couple selfies.

Pete: Okay… but Pete would be the absolute worst in this scenario. Like when you would take out your phone, he would be actually scared because he hates seeing himself on photos and first you didn’t really understand this and for you it was hard to accept it, as you are a photo addict, but after some time you got it. So when he was willing to join in your craziness, it was something special, you knew that and you really appreciated that. One of the cutest thing was when he returned to Instagram, after a quite long period, the first pic he posted was one of your couple selfies.

- taking care of him when he is sick

Colson: He is the worst sick person ever, like you know that if boys are sick they tend to overdramatize it but oh boy… what he usually does in the case is next level. Your friends get to used to the hangover Colson (which is also some extreme shit) but the sick Colson is even worst. Yeah… that could happen. You thank God that his immune system is quite strong, even after all those shit that he has consumed, but when he somehow gets sick you try your best the cure him because you have your limits too and sick Colson can get you closer to them very easily.

Dom: Doesn’t matter how old he is, he usually acts like a child, like in the sweetest way, especially when he is around you. So it isn’t a surprise after all that when he is sick… he turns into a child even more. He doesn’t really understand that you have to keep your distance even if you are the one taking care of him, because his neediness becomes quite strong and he is able to throw tantrums if he doesn’t get you near him. About getting the medicines in him… you wouldn’t even want to start talking, because that’s always an interesting challenge.

Pete: Pete is a quite sick, like is he has some aching parts he doesn’t even tell you about it, you usually figure it out on your own because you see something slightly has changed in his usual behavior. Of course you immediately begin to act like his nurse because you don’t like knowing that he is suffering and he does exactly everything what you ask him to do. He is the best patient ever, if you can say so, also he likes this special attention but he would never admit this to you.

- celebrating your birthday with him for the first time

Colson: Getting together with him was a quite a wild ride, and being with him pushed you out of your comfort zone in so many scenarios, so when your birthday finally arrived you weren’t even surprised that the little party which he threw you turned into the biggest house party he threw in a while and this is a big thing, because when they throw a party it’s big… but this was 10 times bigger. And everybody got the chance to get to know you, like he is the king of the gang… and that day you became his forever queen. Everybody knew, even before, that they can’s mess with you, but after this it was obvious that you are his ride and die. His girl.

Dom: The thing is he was probably even more excited about your birthday than you were, which is a pretty big thing because damn you love your birthday, it’s your own national holiday and it was quite weird for you to share this excitement with somebody else but the enthusiasm of his was so adorable. He planned a whole music festival themed birthday party for you in his garden because he knew how much you live for those events. He even spoke to some of your favorite artists and with them he made a special birthday video just for you which when appeared on the big screen made you cry like never before. He just couldn’t understand how lucky a girl you are with him by your side.

Pete: Pete likes to stay in, smoke and just eating junk food and usually you are his partner in that, but for your birthday you just wanted to do something that you don’t usually do and that’s when Pete told you that he has everything in control, you just have to follow his instructions. That’s how he took you out for a fancy sushi restaurant which was actually the best thing because damn you ate everything up there and he was so happy that he could make you this happy. And the fact that he decided to took you out, and he enjoyed it too, he who prefers to stay in 24/7 was your biggest birthday present ever, like you knew this, between you two was something really special.

- getting up to catch an early flight to the other side of the country

Colson: Even after being with him for months you still couldn’t understand how he can function with that little sleep hours he got, so when he knew that he has to be up really early he decided not even go to bed, which for him was normal, but you just didn’t want to do as him and tried to convince him to go to bed with you, sleep a bit because sleeping on a plane is never the best option but he was quite stubborn…. but you had your ways and after some time you won. That’s why after like 3 hours sleeping waking up was the cruelest thing to do but you suffered together… as always. Of course you would never admitted that those 3 hour sleep just worsened the situation and without it everything would have been better but that’s just your stubbornness which he loved.

Dom: If he sleeps 6 hours, he has way more energy than necessary, if he sleeps 8 hours or more… he has even more energy, this guy is like he is always on some kind of drug without taking it actually, so when you had to be up at 4am he somehow woke up before you and when your alarm went off you woke up for a big cup of coffee and a cute breakfast. You couldn’t even open your eyes properly but he was almost out of your apartment already.

Pete: Coming off from some mushrooms when you had to leave for the airport wasn’t your best timing ever to be honest. But at least you didn’t suffer as much as you would have otherwise. Pete has some unique ideas to soften the situations and getting high almost everytime was involved in those solutions but this time you couldn’t really decide if you regretted it or not. When time is literally an illusion for you getting somewhere in time was a quite big challenge so when you woke up on the plane, on the right plane, on your chest of your boyfriend you were quite proud of yourself.

- him cheering you up when you had a fucked up day

Colson: He knew that when you are pissed off, tired there are two options: he needs to keep his distance and give you some time to cool off first alone or be by your side and doesn’t leave your side, not for a minute. These options usually ended up in some angry making out sessions, with heavy touching, not saying a word but there were times when he just mixed everything together… he knew you well. He knew exactly when he shouldn’t even open his mouth because he just could worsen the situation… that’s when usually he turned to music. Without even saying a word, just mumbleing to his live piano playing, letting to fill the house with his ryhtm you tried to reach you… and it worked even when it didn’t.

Dom: When you needed a good laugh… you could count on your boyfriend because sure he is some funny guy, so when you hava a long day and all you wanna do is just… not to exist you are really grateful that you go home to a place where he is there. Some light hearted comedy or stand up, letting him order some food and watching him impersonating the comedians was the highlight of those days. He knows that he is funny and to be able to make your messed up day just a little bit better he would be willing to do anything, literally and figuratevly…. because when his other half is in pain, he is in too.

Pete: Staying at home, like an old couple was your go to date option, like always. But when you arrive home saying that you will never ever not even consider leaving the house because you hate everything and everybody and you stay with that idea for quite sometime he starts to worry. And when you just can’t do anything right because you break everything, everything slips out of your hand he just carefully goes to you, hugs you and takes control over everything, even your body. He leads you to the nearest bar chair in the kitchen, sits you down and makes you a sandwich and cup of your favorite tea… and doesn’t say a word, he waits until you want to talk about it. These little things are the ones what make you love him more and more everyday. Nothing big, nothing special, just simple things.

Tag list (write me if you wanna be on it❤)

@echelonwonderland @no-shxt-sherl @kissedbystrangerswaterbottle @bakerkells @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @mgk-rooklover1997 @just-a-normal-fangirl18 @southernmgkpunk @thegunnerkelly @findingmyths @painkillerash @rosesinmars @rosegoldrichie @pinksocktingz @itjustkindahappenedreally @cclynn88 @bluehairedtracii @rumoured-whispers @estxxbritt

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ready-to-obeyme · 4 years

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[OM!] Angel!AU Demon Brother as Your Guardian Angel

Scenario: Residing as angels in the Celestial Realm, the brothers have been assigned to watch over you to guide and protect you. How they do so is up to their discretion. (And if they fall in love with you, well...)

Note: gender neutral headcanons; if i had to choose a timeline, satan exists but belphie doesnt hate humans yet and lilith is alive 🤪, the boys retained their personalities that we all know and love -- it really just be them with guardian angel duties--- bonus angel is Lilith ;)

inspiration from [link] and their other angel!au videos (they’re all adults in this post btw) and [link] (yes just this post; apparently my guardian angel Lucifer is in awe of me... for being dumb as FUCK--)

Lucifer

a little affronted he has to take time to look after a human as a seraph but doesn't vocalize it as much since it's direct orders from his father

isn't one to directly intervene in your life much because he doesn't see the need to nor does he want to; a little haughty ngl about being an angel and you being a human

there is no guideline to being a guardian angel and making sure you don’t die before your time is his Main Priority

he's not going to stop you from eating a whole family sized Dorito bag by yourself or from staying awake till 4am-- those bad decisions are on YOU

finds a little pleasure from seeing the consequences of your actions for a while, but eventually just judges you for everything you do

"why aren't you studying? isn't the midterm tomorrow?"

"when was the last time this human ate?"

"why are you dating that person?"

grumbles over you and your life choices, but is now just actually concerned and hoping you'll be able to make better choices for your own health and happiness; he is now officially Invested as Guardian Angel, don’t you dare laugh at him Michael

if he does utilize his powers to influence you, it comes in subtle hints-- the wind blowing in your hair so you look a certain direction, a sudden bright light to wake you up so you sleep properly in a bed and not a desk... maybe appearing in your room for just a moment to place a blanket over your shoulders

realizes he has… feelings when you perform a good deed or grow as a person and he feels immensely proud and happy for you; has to really keep himself in check to not intervene in your life in more menial, though still helpful, ways

humbled by your growth and change as you become a better person

finally reveals himself to you (by accident) when he has to physically come and save you from danger and then proceeds to yell at you in anger (read: worry) about safety and doesn’t leave your side

Mammon

similarly to Lucifer, grumbles about having to take time to babysit a human but quickly becomes invested in your life at record speed (typical Mammon)

unnecessarily and excessively worried at times even for things that isn't actually putting you in danger

"WHAT THE HELL HUMAN, LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE YOU CROSS THE STREET--"

"NO NO NO, BRING YOUR PEPPER SPRAY WITH YOU! I don't care if you’re just walking to the adjacent apartment, BRING IT!"

eventually just ends up storming down to the human realm and """attempts""" to be subtle

if you placed the spray on the table, you turn and it's in your bag again. weird.

pretty sure you could have done a pretty good paranormal activity video with the weird stuff happening in your life when mammon is not-so-secretly intervening in your life

attempts do not last long because mammon's patience grows thin and he suddenly pops into your life and demand you be more careful

probably meets you by slapping your hand away from buying another random but expensive plushie even though you can barely afford it and you just stare at him like he's crazy as he explains that he's your guardian angel

'My Guardian Angel as My Roommate' becomes the title of your life or alternatively 'My Guardian Angel and I are Both Idiots'

the genre of your life is now officially a rom com

his main excuse for being constantly at your side (and it's NOT because he likes you a lot) is "how else am I gonna be prepared to protect you from anything that wants to hurt you?? you would have died 1000x over without me" which is a lie but it's okay he pays rent

hold his hand and tell him it’s so you don’t get lost and he’ll blush but never let go of your hand

Leviathan

life is a simulation

or rather, your life is

once he gets assigned to you, he observes you for a while-- and it looked like he was going to leave you be for the most part, when one Bad Choice has him popping up right in front of you

he slaps away the tub of ice cream you were gonna binge eat

"human, stop eating that crap! your stats are gonna suffer!!!"

super insistent in telling you to do something that good for you and is pretty stubborn when it comes to decisions that benefit your health and career

"noob, hurry up and level up your intelligence or you're gonna fail your exams"

"is life a game to you"

"yes, and you are losing. but have no fear, I am your walkthrough."

joking aside, Levi is pretty supportive of you, in the way Belphie is to his human-- he just words things in gaming terms like stats, energy, leveling up, exp

did not expect to get gratitude from this gig, but when you express your true appreciation for his care, he doesn't know what to do (starts crying maybe?)

his advice starts veering away from just lifestyle and health but to more human aspects; he offers a listening ear and supportive compliments whenever needed

because it turns out he cares for you a whole lot more than if this was really all just a game to him and ends up caring about your general happiness and is more considerate about your feelings

Finds himself being super casual with you and talking about your favorite show and has to catch himself from speaking so quickly-- can’t have the human thinking he… adores you

Satan

has no qualms with coming to the human realm to watch over you, but is fine with not immediately being a part of your life or intervening as much as Mammon or Belphie

ironically, as a man who was originally never born as an angel, he does his duties in a manner most befitting manner of one

subtly inserts himself into small parts of your life, persisting off small interactions

he's the guy at the counter when you needed to find a book, he's the one who picks up your hydroflask and returns it to the lost and found, he's the one telling you your backpack is open before anything spills out

he doesn't know but you jokingly dub him your guardian angel, even if you don't know who he actually is but never have the courage to speak up-- also mainly because he flits in and out of your life so fast you don’t even have the chance to say “oh, by the way, what’s your name?”

Satan is content with how he is more of a passing moment in your life, so this way you can still live your life the way you want it without much interference from an outside source because he respects your choices and the concept of free will that all humans have

truly believes that the best course of action and his duty as your guardian angel is to see you live your life the way you want to-- and if can help out a little or give you a little nudge in the right way, then that’s fine by him

Prefers to be on the sidelines and watch you become your own person and-- well, it’s a bit hard not getting attached to you when he sees you trip over yourself over someone you like or help someone out with their books when they dropped them

eventually does have to step in in a more meaningful way when you accidentally endanger yourself and he wards it off or catches you before you hurt yourself

at that point it was hard to pretend not being a part of your life when he's helped you so often-- and the fact that you're infatuated with him and asked him out

(he probably doesn't even realize how suave and prince charming he looks lmao)

Asmodeus

chooses to watch over you from above more but doesn't mind just popping down to the human realm just to have some fun at the same event you're in

lives through all your moments with you; laughs when you laugh and cries when you cry and genuinely enjoys seeing you go through life, living and learning

generally leaves you to your own devices unless there's something really pressing

utterly cannot stop himself from intervening if you have doubts about yourself or if you struggle with self-love

loves appearing in dreams to dish out advice and tell you to love yourself, forgive yourself more, and to seek happiness because you deserve it

you don't remember the dreams exactly, but you do remember the sentiment within it and sometimes the fuzzy image of a beautiful angel you aren't sure you've seen irl but you chalk it up to seeing the face of strangers you’ve seen (which is... technically true)

dreams are his main way of communicating with you, and he also just thinks the mystery and anonymity is kinda exciting-- but sometimes he just spends a lot of your dreams just talking to you and getting to know you more intimately and seeing things from your perspective

sometimes enjoys being in your lucid dreams when you’re pretty aware and you go on some really whacky dream-induced adventure

loves you like no other and truly wishes the best for you

accidentally reveals himself to you during a party where you meet face to face

"I've feel like I've seen you before…"

"Haha, well that's because I've been in your dreams! They were pretty pleasant weren't they?"

you think he’s kidding for a long time-- and honestly he’s not even trying to hide the fact that he’s your Guardian Angel, considering he tells you all the time “Honey, I’m you’re Guardian Angel” or “Of course I’m here for you! I’m your Guardian Angel!”

but the way he says it makes it feel like that’s just a nickname, not an official TITLE

floored when you actually see his WINGS and turns out you’ve been in love with an actually angel this entire time

Beelzebub

similar to Asmo and Satan, he doesn't really feel the need to insert himself into your life

instead, he's wherever you are… but in the background, eating at a table in a far corner or walking casually across the street from where you are

very inconspicuous and surprisingly good at keeping a distance, whether he intends to or not

he just looks very natural doing whatever he is doing at any time, but often accidentally ends up in the background of a photo or selfie without people noticing

as your Guardian Angel, he watches over you by stopping anyone with ill intent from approaching you... like the obvious ones like mugging and stuff; he wishes he could protect you from bad people too but he respectfully keeps his distance and allows you to make mistakes and grow from it

it infuriates him when people take advantage of your kindness

(though if the person that hurt you emotionally meets Beel in an alley...)

is very taken aback when YOU are the one approaching HIM asking for the time or if you could grab something on the high shelf for you

actually pretty flustered when you do interact with him because he was distracted doing other stuff he never expected you to notice him

Beel is the definition of a Guardian Angel-- a sentinel, standing on guard to protect you from danger and physical harm-- and he does exactly that when the time comes

most likely to save you from something dramatic like a car incoming or a fight

doesn't really understand why you trust him so easily or so wholeheartedly even after he saved you because he thought he would look intimidating

(he did, until you asked him for the time and he spoke with his mouth full of burgers or stammered out a 'you're welcome' when you smiled at him at the library)

Beel doesn't know until much later that he's dubbed as your gentle giant

Belphegor

like some of the others, doesn't like to influence your choices as much-- not because of free will or anything like that, but because he likes humans because of who they are and what they do

(and also he’s too lazy to be hovering around you trying to control your every move anyhow)

and man are humans, especially you, interesting

why is that human drinking from that person's navel? no clue but it looks fun

why is that human consuming whipped cheese with waffles? no idea, but he wouldn't get this much free entertainment without it

has no problems integrating himself into your life as your friend or roommate just to watch everything unfold in person and to tease you for your mildly questionable decisions in life

“Belphie, why didn’t you stop me from eating that last bowl of cereal?”

“Eh, I thought it would be kind of funny.”

isn't one to go out of his way to do something to influence you, but he does encourage you to do the things you want to do, whether they be good or mildly questionable ones-- but especially the fun ones like joining a new club or going to town to have fun (which you do drag him along to every time)

does steer you away from making Bad Decisions like murder or whatever, but he thinks most choices are pretty neutral and does help you process the consequences, both good and bad, of what happened

so he's integrated himself as your friend, offers advice and supports your decisions no matter what, and subtly looks out for you… and he's surprised when one day you confess to him that you like him???

this was NOT part of the plan but he would be lying to himself if he said he didn't end up falling for you too after seeing all sides of you and watching you grow as a person

Lilith

watches more from afar, because as much as she loves humans like Belphie, she is a little shy about meeting you

curiosity does triumph over shyness eventually, and she does surveillance distantly like Beel before winding up being directly in your life like Belphie (siblings am i right)

her brothers would keep trying to give her input on how she should interact with you or guide you but she brushes them away with a huff because she thinks she's doing a fine job thank you very much!

or so she's pretty sure, considering you're hanging out with her, seriously listening to her advice, buying her gifts... cuddling in bed with her if you’re attracted to her

if you do like her and want to date her, she has to be ready to somehow defend you from the only danger in your life, which turns out to be her brothers

if not, you two live happy lives as the best of friends, though the brothers can never be too careful with their darling sister

likes updating about your life to her brothers and they're lowkey jealous

doesn’t actually have to reveal herself as an angel unless you somehow find out... or because Mammon and Lucifer come down and threatens bodily harm if you hurt Lilith (wait, who’s watching over who now??)

hold up this is setting up for exactly what happens in the canon storyline

#obey me headcanons #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #this is my.... fourth time trying to get the tags to work #still i liked writing this and i hope people enjoy it too :'))

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chrisjake-cp · 3 years

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History 3 Trapped Filming Diary (full English translation) - Days 41-50

Masterpost here.

I don’t own the book so I can’t post my scans of the pictures that came with it. So I included some other pictures of the scenes that were being filmed. These pics belong to LINE TV or Choco Media, or I’ve taken screenshots from the episodes or the behind-the-scenes.

Read days 41-50 under the cut.

Day 41

On this day of shooting it happened to be Christmas, and the crew, waiting for the evening shooting process, enjoyed a Christmas gift exchange. Shaofei gave out a book; according to him it was a very inspirational book. A crew member who does hair and make-overs nearby opened it and laughed jokingly: “What kind of ‘inspiration’ do you mean?”, causing Shaofei’s thoughts to immediately go into another direction to the point of him not even being able to say it out loud (I can tell you: he was very bashful!). The whole crew also acknowledged that the most creative gift was a big bunch of green onions⁕ from Sanxing. When this present was opened the whole crew burst out in crazy laughter, but it need also be said that this was a most memorable gift.

⁕ Sanxing is famous for its spring onions! They even have a little museum dedicated to green onions there.

Also, what kind of book did Jake gift someone? 👀

Day 42

The day after Christmas, Boss Tang arrived at work, and the first thing he did was accept his gift from the Christmas gift exchange from the day before. So what did Boss Tang receive?

*ding ding* The answer is 20 Christmas trees and a bottle of “Indian Spiritual Oil”⁕ At the appearance of this gift, everyone nearby immediately laughed loudly, and I also silently expressed my heartfelt wishes for Tang Yi’s and Meng Shaofei’s happiness.

For today’s scenes, basically the whole ‘world’ had to be there: Unit 3, Tang Yi, A De, Hong Ye, Daoyi and Jingtang were all present, so the set was really lively. What was shot that day were the scenes after Hongye and Shaofei were injured in the parking lot. In order to increase the conflictual character of these scenes, the director assigned each actor their own, individual combination. What was interesting is that during rehearsals, the cameramen all quickly approached the actors like a large quantity of reporters. A De said smiling that the group of people was so large that it looked like an oncoming tank and he could only silently take the ‘card position’⁕ each time.

⁕ This oil is basically like viagra...but topical instead of taking a pill....It’s a natural plant oil but it contains some anaesthetics which will irritate the skin a bit (making your you-know-what more erect as it grows hot) and the anaesthetics will also cause you to last longer. Ahem. Let’s all imagine Chris receiving this gift. 😂

⁕ The card position comes from a basketball or football game. It means that during the game, when the ball is in the air, the player accurately judges the effective landing point of the ball, takes the lead in the opponent's position, and blocks the opponent out of the best position to gain control. Here it means that Stanley just chose the best position to gain control/the upper hand in the scene.

Day 43

Today we continued to shoot the hospital scenes. Shaofei said smiling that today was another aptly-named day of “earning money while lying down,” as he was lying down from the first scene in the morning to the last scene in the evening. After several consecutive days of intensive shooting, the hospital scenes were back in Taoyuan. Shaofei said he had been getting out of bed at 4am in the morning for several days in a row, and that day was no exception. So during the moments when he wasn’t in the shots, he could openly but stealthily catch up on some sleep in the bed, which made everyone present pretty envious.

Zhaozi just gets better the more he acts. Just look at his slightly wrinkled brows.

Day 44

In the last episode, Zhaozi took Tang Yi to see Shaofei [in the hospital] for the last time. Tang Yi, who had carelessly pulled the trigger and accidentally shot Shaofei was already handcuffed. He told Shaofei he would hand He Hang as well as Zhou Guanzhi over to the police. Zhou Guanzhi was the enemy who killed his father. In these past four years, Tang Yi’s biggest goal was to single-handedly murder his father’s killer. For Tang Yi to now agree to let Zhou Guanzhi live and to hand him over to the police, meant Tang Yi had made the ultimate concession.

Because he had persisted in his revenge, he had caused his lover to be hospitalized with a gunshot. Since meeting Tang Yi, Shaofei had been assaulted in big and small ways, and suffered injuries because of him. Tang Yi discovered that his stubbornly insisting on having his own way was a big factor in Shaofei getting hurt. If this continued, Shaofei would one day be ‘killed’ by Tang Yi. Kept apart by handcuffs, kissing your lover like that; what kind of plot could be more cruel than that?

Tang Yi, even while being handcuffed, was very witty/playful. He didn’t forget to stick his tongue out to the camera.

Day 45

Long time no see! I believe that people who have watched <Right Or Wrong< should not be too unfamiliar with Dr. Jintang’s “uncle-in-law” Jiang Zhaopeng. He is Qiu Zhiyu whom we haven’t seen for a while. Before filming, these two cultivated their understanding of their lines by videochatting [i.e. they practiced their lines] (and also cultivated the signals between both of their phones). One of the most frightening things in filming is the screen of a cellphone. Apart from this scene, the drama shows many different mobile phone screens; every time a call had to be made, or when a LINE conversation happened, etc. Only, whether or not the signal would be good, is an element that no one can control. If the signal is not good, phone calls won’t go through, or the moment when the phone rings doesn’t match the plot. Sometimes it can take a good number of takes, not to mention that this scene needed a video call. If the signal would not be good, the video and the sound might have been chopped. But we had a close call and the signal in the hospital was very stable, allowing us to be able to smoothly complete the take.

Zijian, who portrays Jiang Jintang, has a lively and witty personality. He would often say crazy things that amused the crew. In the evening, we filmed that Shaofei followed Tang Yi to the hospital to see Jintang [the massage scene]. Jintang wanted to angrily quarrel with Meng Shaofei, because he didn’t expect them to arrive together. His red face, his hard breathing and his stammering made all the staff on the scene instantly almost collapse from laughter. Even Shaofei, who was doing the scene with him, and Tang Yi, who was lying down behind them, couldn’t keep in their laughter.

At another rehearsal, Jintang was planning to jump on Tang Yi’s back, but because he hadn’t well coordinated his position, Boss Tang’s knees hit Jintang straight in his ‘important parts’. The staff who were on the scene jokingly told him to jump on the spot, and he actually did it. This was also a ‘pain in the balls.’⁕

⁕ Same expression was used in day 37. It’s more literal here. You can see this happening in the behind-the-scenes.

Day 46

Today we filmed father and son Chen Wenhao and Tang Yi meeting in front of Lizhen’s grave. The weather at the cemetery site was very unstable. Sometimes an uninterrupted drizzle floated by, and at other times wind and rain became quite strong. Occasionally, the sun would stealthily sneak out from the clouds to join in on the fun, adding many changes to the shooting. But the two actors were not in the slightest affected by these elements. As if their surroundings were all congealed together, the two looked at each other and cried really heart-wrenchingly. Afterwards, Chengyang [Chris] also frankly admitted that for this scene his mood was very complex, and it was very hard on him. Tang Yi stood in front of his biological mother’s tomb, and his biological father, whom he once thought to be her killer, walked up to him. At that moment, that kind of “crying” already wasn't just tears simply shed from sadness anymore.

When he heard the gunshot as he exited the graveyard without even looking back, Chris said that his heart was really hurting so much that he almost couldn’t go on.

A big thank you to teacher Jiakui, who plays Wenhao, to give [Chris] ample ability, and to push him beyond the limits of what he could do. What is even more special, is that today was, coincidentally, also Chris’ birthday. To shoot such a meaningful scene on his birthday and falling apart crying like that, really must have left a deep impression on him.

Day 47

The day when the entire Unit 3 team got together, happened to be the very last day of 2018. Today’s MVP was Junwei [played by Ethan Liu]. Everyone most likely knows about the meeting between Unit 3 and the international criminal police division where Junwei was tasked with reporting duties.

That day Junwei was constantly drilling and rehearsing, because all his lines needed to be correctly and fluently spoken for that role to be acted out well. One of the biggest causes for stress is that when you start failing takes, the whole crew and all the actors are just waiting. One can imagine that that is a very big pressure.

Originally everyone joked and said that before noon they would surely be able to go home to celebrate the New Year, but in the end, it took until in the afternoon for the first scene to finish smoothly and everyone on Unit 3 could begin to plan how they would spend New Year’s Eve. But our poor Captain and Shaofei had to stay behind to continue the next scene. Shaofei felt wronged and said to Zhaozi: “Where is the morality in him [the captain] being so happy?”

Day 48

Outside it was drizzling, but inside, the room was brimming with nervous energy as Tang Yi took Jack to negotiate with Old Ke, while Shaofei from his side and Unit 3 rushed inside as an important step and wiped out the place.⁕

While waiting for their scenes, each of the Unit 3 were doing their own activities. First Shaofei looked for a quiet place in the room and silently sat reading the script for the future scenes. With his usual style, he would use differently coloured pens to write down dialogue that belongs to Jake and Shaofei.⁕ Zhaozi, in turn, would be lying on the very big bed inside the room, and would both be talking to Junwei, having a pillow fight with Jack and taking selfies with his cellphone.

And how did Tang Yi spend the time waiting for his next scene? The answer is that he had rolled himself up in a quilt and fell into a deep sleep. No matter if Shaofei would loudly yell, “Where is Tang Yi?” outside the room, Tang Yi slept through it all.

⁕ The very first scenes of the whole show, when Shaofei and his team barges through the door! Some of the very first words we ever hear coming out of Shaofei’s mouth are “Where is Tang Yi?” MY HEART. This show is so well-made.

⁕ There’s an example of what Jake’s script looked like in the “HIStory 3: Trapped The Making of...” book. ankdlgdndkgn it’s the hospital balcony scene. The thing that he writes in black, between the two red exclamation marks... “This is the show’s first kiss!!! (Vixen Andy doesn’t count).” WHY IS HE SO CUTE?

Day 49

For shooting the scenes at the exterior of the police station, we borrowed the Xizhi branch police building. That Xizhi branch building which only opened in 2017, is very new and very beautiful. The interior was also very spacious, so we had plenty of room to use.

On that day there happened to be a major traffic incident in that jurisdiction area, and both clerical and field police officers were busy bustling about. Even news reporting vehicles were driving in and out. We were able to witness the police officers' work that we usually don’t have opportunity to see. Thanks to all the protectors of the people for their hard work.

Today’s Xizhi police station was bustling and lively. Thanks as well to the fans of Director Qingrong who, during the afternoon tea time, came to visit the set and brought snacks like donuts and coffee. In the afternoon the weather turned cold and it started to drizzle. But the fans braved the wind and the rain and came anyway, and even gave handwritten cards to the actors and the director, which was really sweet.

Day 50

Day 2 at the police station. Today’s weather was nothing like yesterday’s “sunny and cloudy with an occasional shower”. Today the sun was shining very brightly, and the temperatures soared straight to 30 degrees. It was the perfect weather to play a song called “I love summer.”

We shot the scene where three members of Unit 3 talked with Jack at the door. They had to walk outside from inside the police station and each time they had to redo the take, everyone went back into the building with a look of total unwillingness. They opened their eyes widely and took a very deep breath, and with a blank look in their eyes they wiped their sweat and used a small fan to keep cool. Phew, foreheads were filled with beads of sweat, and everyone’s clothes were also soaked with sweat.

In the afternoon we filmed the scene from the last episode when Boss Tang goes to the police station to wait for Shaofei to get off work, when Jack also happened to ride his motorbike to pick up Zhaozi from work. At that time, the weather was still very sunny. Boss Tang, who wanted to sit on his car’s hood to wait for Shaofei, suddenly yelled out. Apparently the vicious sun had rendered the hood burning hot, which made boss Tang jump up in sudden fright.

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engagemachine · 3 years

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I have nowhere else to put this. I need to say this.

These past two weekends at work have been utterly beyond my comprehension and have nearly pushed me to my limit. I’ve had patients in restraints for the past two weekends in a row now, and the mixture of verbal/physical abuse from these patients and others has been so emotionally taxing, I just don’t even know where I can lay down this exhaustion and this frustration and this hurt.

Our chronic understaffing issue has started to reach a boiling point. Last Saturday I had seven patients, which in some states is illegal (for reference, 5 patients on the kind of unit that I work on is considered normal, and 6 is the max that one nurse can have). Additionally, this past Friday, we went without a charge nurse and we didn’t have a tech (normally we have three to four techs because I work on a 40-bed unit, so each tech has ten patients each). My back has never been as sore as it is now from having to do so much heavy lifting this weekend without any help. Imagine changing multiple patients over 200 lbs all by yourself, multiple times, within a twelve hour shift.

Last night in particular was so stressful that I found myself snapping at my coworkers -- which is so unlike me and something that I never do -- and even worse, I snapped at and was short with a patient who had been very irritating and especially demanding. This is not the kind of person that I am. I am not a person who snaps at their coworkers and their patients when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m not unflappable but any means, but I make a point of leaving my stress outside the door every time I walk into a patient’s room. I know that my stress is not their burden to bear. These patients are already sick/suffering, the last thing I want to do is add to their stress by coming into their private space with my own personal storm cloud hanging over my head. They have enough to worry about and their primary focus should be on healing. I never want to carry negative energy like that into a space where I am actively trying to take care of/love/heal/protect/educate/support/comfort the people I am taking care of.

I can’t help feeling so angry at myself for my behavior and for allowing myself to slip so openly. I know I reacted this way because I was stressed and angry, but that is no excuse. And I also can’t help but feel bitter over the fact that the reason I’m so stressed is because we are lacking the resources/supplies/staff that are necessary in order for me to effectively do my job.

I’m also so sick and tired of all the hospital politics and the beaurocracy of working for a big corporation... a corporation that does not care about its employees and whose primary focus is money. I know the nurse shortage we’re going through at our hospital is an ongoing issue that is being faced nationwide, but something absolutely has to be done in order to get staffing to where it needs to be, otherwise nurses will be leaving hospitals in droves, or will simply exit the profession all together from burn-out.

And it’s just... all this little stuff, too, all these things that occur that keep piling up that no one ever does anything about and no disciplinary action is taken because we’re so desperate for nurses and can’t afford to fire anybody. Some of the nurses I work with have adopted an attitude where they they feel like they can do anything they want without repercussion, because they know they won’t get fired because we’re so understaffed. We had a nurse walk out one night after receiving report which should result in having your nursing license revoked or, at the very least, result in some form of licensure suspension. Leaving during your shift -- even if at the beginning of a shift -- is considered abandonment/neglect of your patients. That nurse should have been fired after that, and she wasn’t.

It is downright unconscionable that we should have to be responsible for seven patients. You cannot take good, quality care of that many patients at one time. It’s just impossible -- and it’s so unsafe. Imagine having a patient with sepsis whose blood pressure is tanking and who has spiked a fever/is quickly becoming unresponsive, another patient with schizophrenia who is hallucinating and being violent, another patient who has dementia and is confused, who has a feeding tube, a tracheostomy that requires frequent suctioning (this is a sterile procedure), a colostomy, a Foley catheter, and is in two-point restraints, which requires documentation three times every hour. And then imagine another patient who is going through Benzo withdrawals and needing around-the-clock medication and is also on seizure precautions, and another patient who is confused and is a fall risk and keeps trying to crawl out of the bed, and another patient who is vomiting and needs an antiemetic and possibly an NG tube, and another patient who is post-op and requiring pain medication for 7 out of 10 pain -- and imagine trying to take care of all of these things at the same time. Imagine going thirteen hours without peeing, eating, or drinking, simply because there is no time. That was me last weekend. It’s crazy to imagine the stress of having that many human lives in your hands, to be so busy and so stressed out that you literally do not even have five minutes to go to the bathroom because there is so much to do and you cannot afford to sit down.

Or the fact that there’s a nurse on day shift who has nearly killed two separate patients on two different occasions, a nurse who refuses to do the basic necessities/tasks required by her job, has the nastiest attitude imaginable, and has been written up so many times by staff and patients that her personal folder is roughly as thick as the Oxford dictionary... and they still won’t fire her.

And the way I keep catching nurses in blatant lies, nurses who have documented that they’ve done something when they haven’t. Just last night I saw a nurse had documented that she had administered a medication when I know she hadn’t because the medication was still sealed in its original box and I was the first one to open it. She did this for two days. Like... how can you even live with yourself, telling a lie like that?

When I managed to take my lunch break this morning around 4am, I was near tears in the breakroom talking to my coworker because I just felt so overwhelmed and at my whit’s end. I’d gotten into a spat with my supervisor just a few minutes prior over something that she said had not been documented correctly (even though a different supervisor last week said that it had to be done the opposite way, and at that time, I’d had to stay late to correct this “mistake”) and now my supervisor this morning was telling me it had to be done the opposite way from what I’d been told, and there’s no clear hospital policy on how the documentation should be done... it’s so irritating.

There is honestly so much more. I could write an entire novel about the stress of my job -- but I hope I don’t sound ungrateful, because I do love my job, I really do. I love caring for people more than anything, and if there’s one positive takeaway from all of this, it’s that, despite our lack of staff, some of my patients have been so gracious and understanding, and so many of my patients have been very expressive of how grateful they’ve been for my care, telling me I’m an angel/the best nurse they’ve had/telling me they wish that I didn’t have to leave. That’s very sweet.

Emotionally, though, I just feel so spent. Like I’ve given everything I can and I have nothing more left because it’s been siphoned out of me. And there are weird things going on in my life with some of my personal relationships that have caused me an unnecessary amount of stress/insecurity and it’s frustrating that I feel like I can’t talk to the other person(s) about it because I am afraid of sounding needy/jealous/ungrateful. I pride myself on communicating the things that I want/need, but sometimes it just seems like it’s easier to let it go. I almost convince myself that they could never give me what I need even if I were to ask for it, but it’s also too painful to ask for something and then not get it.

I’m just so tired. I want to be positive and uplifting, but I don’t know where this road is supposed to take me. I don’t know if maybe I am being called to find work elsewhere or if this is an experience I am supposed to grow from and that is meant to make me stronger. I just really don’t know.

#text #my ask box is very full and I promise I will be getting to your messages as soon as I can #I am not ignoring any of you #just very very emotionally spent #and needed to put this down #if this is riddled with typos it's because I just got off work and I haven't gone to bed yet

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officialleotolstoy · 3 years

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Oh Danatole Brainrot We’re Really In It Now, aka Danatole playlist annotations!

I am NOT going apologize for making this. I’m not. But know I am feeling shame.

Nobody - Hozier

“I wouldn’t fall for someone I thought couldn’t misbehave”

This is a bit of a best-case-scenario song, but I really feel like the vibes are encapsulated here. It’s got the energy of “i love you because we sin together and it’s fun” and also “I have a lot of lovers but lowkey.... you’re my fave 😳” which is, as I said, the best I could ever see them getting to.

Bad Decisions - Bastille

“So we’ll make the same mistakes til the morning breaks”

This song is about being idiots together and also knowing it’s not good for you which is the vibe. Also the refusal to have an Actual Relationship in “love me, leave me, rhythm of the evening” pops off. This song GETS that it’s a more casual thing but also weirdly important to them. Oh and “maybe this is where it ends” can be interpreted to be about the elopement plan if you want to stretch it.

Quarter Past Midnight - Bastille

“Good times, bad decisions”

“Let’s go be stupid together in public and also maybe hold hands uwu”

Glory - Bastille

“Passing the drink from hand to hand, we admit we really know nothing at all”

“Let’s go get drunk together in private and also maybe hold hands uwu”

Nocturnal Creatures - Bastille

“We’ve only got ourselves to blame, again and again and again”

The whole deal with this song is like. We’re in love kind of I guess but like only when in certain situations when our guard is down. Does that make sense?? It does in my head. And the idea of it being something stupid that they both keep coming back to despite being aware of it really fits. Disclaimer I’m not trying to suggest these two are Deeply In Love I’m just bad at wording things

Nicotine - Panic! At The Disco

“I taste you on my lips and I can’t get rid of you”

“You’re bad for me but we keep coming back to each other” vibes again. I don’t think Anatole is aware of how bad this actually is, he canonically has no idea he’s being manipulated, but I do think Dolokhov has a much better perspective on it. In my mind, Dolokhov really wishes he did not feel Anything for Anatole but. That is not working out the way he planned it, so a lot of these “why do I keep doing this :/“ songs are more from Dolokhov’s side than Anatole’s.

The Waves - Bastille

“Oh what would your mother say if she could see what we’re doing now?”

Look I added this for the Dolokhov’s mom jokes okay. That was the whole reason. I could very much see Anatole saying this exact thing to him.

Hell and You - Amigo the Devil

“Live with me in this sin forever”

Man the ENERGY of this song. The admittance and focus on them both being terrible people but enjoying being terrible together...yeah that’s them.

4am - Bastille

“You are my familiar”

The idea of just accepting something maybe not so great because it’s familiar which becomes easy which becomes fun...I very much think that’s how their relationship progressed, at least from Dolokhov’s end (You’re probably thinking “wow Wren, this playlist is super skewed toward Dolokhov’s feelings on the matter” and you’re right it’s because I hate Anatole 🥰). It’s definitely too forthcoming about actually enjoying the experience but oh well. Oh, and I stole a line from it for a fic once so it gets a permanent spot.

Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

“You and me could write a bad romance”

It is objectively a bad romance, but the real reason this song is on here is that I always forget it is and it makes me laugh every time

It Will Come Back - Hozier

“Don’t let it in with no intention to keep it”

Man Dolokhov really said ok I will manipulate this kid for a lil bit for money and then seven years later he’s helping him plan some illicit elopement for no personal gain huh. Life is crazy. Basically this song covers the “you were not intending for me to stick around but I’m a fixture of your life now!” thing. I wholeheartedly believe Dolokhov never planned to spend this much time with the Kuragins he just accidentally got attached.

Mamma Mia - ABBA

“You know you won’t be away too long”

It doesnt work super well but it makes me laugh okay!!! The concept of being bad for each other and not really working well but coming back to each other for some reason anyway is there.

No Light, No Light - Florence + The Machine

“No light in your bright blue eyes”

I heard the phrase bright blue eyes and smashed the add to playlist button, that’s it. But the more I listened to it the more I decided it could work post-elopement if you stretch it. “I’d do anything to make you stay” is obviously intended to be a romantic don’t-leave-me thing in the song but you can take it as the preparations scene if you really want. Not to suggest preparations is a romantic don’t-leave-me thing, that is very much not what I mean. “You cant choose what stays and what fades away” We all know Anatole wanted to flounce off with Natasha but in the end he was left eating dinner with Dolokhov 😔✌🏻 Dolokhov stayed and Natasha faded away hmmmm. Yes, purposely misinterpreting media is one of my favorite pastimes, why do you ask?

A Little Party Never Killed Nobody - Fergie

I don’t even have a lyric for this this is straight up just there for the hedonism/partying energy

We Are Young - fun.

“Maybe we could find new ways to fall apart”

This is mostly also just here for the friends/lovers at bars and parties living it up type beat. But the line “I know that I’m not all that you’ve got/I guess that I just thought maybe we could find new ways to fall apart” bit does kinda hit. It’s by no means exclusive but they do kinda have fun yknow? Also the awareness that they are falling apart rather than doing anything worthwhile or loving is pretty fun.

Fine Line - Harry Styles

“You’ve got my devotion, but man I can hate you sometimes”

Obviously Dolokhov would not admit to being devoted to Anatole, and I don’t think I can in good conscience say that he is, but I think he’s definitely more devoted than he wants to be. It’s more about the hate line anyway. I initially just added it because I was like oh it works as a fine line between love and...not love, but honestly some of the lyrics work pretty well. Now that I’m armed with the knowledge that Anatole’s name means sunrise, I can say “you sunshine, you temptress” fits too.

I Dare You - The Regrettes

“I never wanted to get too close to you but now it looks like I’m getting too close to you”

RIGHT OFF THE BAT this one gets it. That lyric is The Vibe. “You’re gonna fall but I’ll catch you” is reminiscent of Dolokhov helping Anatole get out of (and into) messes constantly, although in an ideal world it would be a lot more grudging. And not to harp on about this but “you’re the one that brings the sun” 🔈ANATOLE MEANS SUNRISE🔈

Nine in the Afternoon - Panic! At The Disco

“Your eyes are the size of the moon”

I did warn you guys there would be several songs on here that are only there because they mention eyes, right? I definitely said that somewhere. I am going to use Dolokhov’s bright blue orbs for my nefarious Danatole playlist purposes and there’s nothing you can do about it. “You could cause you can so you do” does encapsulate Anatole’s thought process pretty well though, I think.

The Mighty Fall - Fall Out Boy

“Your crooked love is just a pyramid scheme”

Not Dolokhov constantly using Anatole for money 🙄✋🏻 MLM in more ways than one. But also the idea of falling for someone being a kind of defeat works well. Admit you like him, Dolokhov. I dare you.

Bromance - Chester See & Ryan Higa

“Bromance, nothing really gay about it”

Historians will say they were roommates. I’m sorry this song just makes me laugh and I refuse to remove it.

Sarah Smiles - Panic! At The Disco

“You fooled me once with your eyes now, honey, you fooled me twice with your lies”

Rhyming eyes with lies is peak Dolokhovcore! And the “Sarah doesn’t care, she lives in her world so unaware” is Anatolecore because he’s stupid. The bit about “my destiny lies with her” or whatever is irrelevant ignore that.

Fred Astaire - Jukebox the Ghost

“Those eyes, they get me every time”

The entire rest of this song is someone being blind to the other person’s flaws and initially I was like wow this doesn’t work at all and then I realized it could be stretched to mean Anatole being super oblivious to Dolokhov’s manipulation. But when it comes down to it, it’s about the eye lyric.

I Don’t Know Why I Like You But I Do - The Wombats

The title says it all. Literally that’s the whole explanation.

Daft Pretty Boys - Bad Suns

“I don’t like you, you look so pretty from afar”

If you don’t think Dolokhov calls Anatole a pretty boy (derogatory) you’re so wrong and I cannot help you. That was why I added it but the vibes of “you’re hot but wow your personality is terrible and I hate you” are there so. Enjoy! Oh and the bit about wasting your time works too, I can think of like sixty three better things off the top of my head Dolokhov could be doing than hanging out with Anatole, including but not limited to stapling his own fingers together and arson.

Rich Friends - Portugal. The Man

“I could really really really use a rich rich friend like you”

Do I HAVE to explain this one? I also like “Hey man I’m cool to lean on but I’m not your property” for them, if you stretch it it gets across the way Anatole thinks Dolokhov is His Friend but in reality. He’s using him HDHHSHDHDHBS Also the chorus has hedonism vibes, which ALWAYS works with these two.

#why do i insist on shaming myself for this ship. idk #war and peace #fedya dolokhov #anatole kuragin #my post #w&p playlists #rat hours #danatole

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

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Liam & Edie

Liam: [alright so she’s gonna get there super early so the first question is do we want any kind of interaction with his poor mother first or do we save that for later]

Edie: [In my head it’s literally early enough that she could still be asleep but also if it’s the week ‘cos summer, she COULD be going to work, unless she does a moomin and takes it off, so I’m easy with either]

Liam: [yeah I was thinking like it’s technically day 5 but it’s early enough of an arrival you could call it day 4 because we’re extra, so she probably would be asleep but equally, she could’ve woken up early to say happy bday and all that before she has to go to work because I feel like she’d wanna take the day off but he’d be essentially like nah don’t I’ll see you later 1. Because Edie is coming and 2. Because fuck birthdays anyway even before we knew that was a thing that’d be happening]

Liam: [maybe it’s like she was gonna go in and wake him up but surprise we’re already up and chilling in our dead sister’s room and surprise x2 Edie is already here hello]

Edie: [your poor mother, so shooketh, so not prepared for this, at least Edie will be being polite to you because we wanna make a good first impression and we’re not a dick but we are still weird and here at like the arse crack of dawn so hi]

Liam: [at least for our plot purposes she’ll be too caught unawares to spoil the bday secret because up til now his phone wouldn’t be popping off too hard as it’s early and normal people are asleep]

Edie: [can we just take a moment to think about the fact this is the first time actually meeting each other]

Liam: [it blows my mind when I do think about it, honestly, I need to know all about her lewk please because we know how excited you’d be about this gal]

Edie: [I will have to find one because yes, you’ve gotta do your most to be cute]

Liam: [I care very much what colour your hair is and how hard you’re serving even though I know damn well all you’ve done so far is sit on his sister’s floor and talk and talk and TALK because not an exaggeration at all to say he wants to know everything about her, that’s his intense brand]

Liam: [but also what time does the sun come up in late August? Would that be too early to say she arrived before then so they can watch it together like they did the comet]

Edie: [we know we’d show up whenever, try and stop us famalam, so yes that’s definitely a thing we can say happens, I hope you live near-ish though or what time are you setting off from yours hen]

Liam: [ngl if she showed up at 3 or 4am I wouldn’t be surprised and he wouldn’t mind so fill your boots kids, we can totally say he lives close because that isn’t something we’ve given an Ali kid before and like I can see his parents being like the country air and peace and quiet etc will totally help our dying child, as if this is victorian times or whatever]

Edie: [tbf cities are grubby i’m sorrrrrrrrryyy anyway, love that for you, you can live on a busy bit of the countryside, a nice cul-de-sac mayhaps, at least you won’t get murdered lurking in the dark]

Liam: [get on zoopla and find us a cute gaff boo]

Edie: [heheheheh, okay so we know how we’re starting our day, what’s next]

Liam: [I think we’ve just gotta run this and see what pops up as we’re pondering cos y’all are wild could be anything going on, bye to his mum go get ready for work and then go gal you can do some bday cliches when you get back at like 4, Edie’ll know by then, so once his mum has swiftly excited just 👀 because even if you’ve got no feelings it’s super cute that she wants to make a good impression]

Edie: [just smiley blush like what, not commenting on his ma yet ‘cos she didn’t have time to really make an impression so we don’t need to do that ‘can’t have her changing her mind about loving the idea already’]

Liam: [get a bit closer to her so you can look at her even more intensely because she’s being even cuter with her lil blush and smile moment and this was such a good idea thank god ‘don’t change yours either’]

Edie: [just shaking our head hardcore ‘cos can’t speak suddenly]

Liam: [‘she’s not Lexie levels but still off putting, I know’ soz to his poor mum for vaguely giving a shit haha]

Edie: [‘you’ve not met mine’ like probably has on the low but shh the point is we know what all mums are like, in one way or another, ‘yet’ very much implying we cannot be put off tah]

Liam: [‘can I?’ has only just met you and wants to meet your mum, what boy in what universe would ever want that 🚩]

Edie: [my boo says run she says no, nod as enthusiastically purely ‘cos he wants to and we will not be saying no to anything]

Liam: [get even closer to her obvs because she just keeps being adorable with her enthusiasm and he’s obvs about it, just gonna be 👀 a mm away from her face in a sec]

Edie: [at least you can gently pull on the necklace he should be wearing ‘cos sent in the post]

Liam: [and you can kiss better wherever she got hers from even though it’s gonna be healed by now like she made you do at the time]

Edie: [genuinely wasn’t trying to be that bitch but I just googled where heals fastest when cut ‘cos that bitch and he didn’t want pain and bloody drama so and it literally said the mouth LMAO soz Liam I don’t make the rules-]

Liam: [soz not soz that you’re having your first kiss then lads]

Edie: [it’s kinda sweet that you aren’t like, actually kissing, if you know what I mean, like it’s about something else]

Liam: [it’s very pure and very your energy as a couple]

Edie: [you’ll be dying girl but that’s a moment]

Liam: [he genuinely would ask her if she/that was okay because we know she’s not had a boyfriend before because Rio would not stop hammering that point home]

Edie: [we’re so obviously more than okay but likewise not trying to be like OTT and put pressure on him because we’ve been told what Lexie was like, just smile and nod]

Liam: [pull her to her feet and to your room because we’ve not been in there yet but y’all are gonna find this robot dog]

Edie: [get to go through all his childhood things lowkey love that for yous just asking all the questions]

Liam: [and we’re definitely giving it to you which is another moment because he loved it]

Edie: [we’ve gotta pimp that pup up somehow, which is within your wheelhouse deffo ‘what’s he called?’]

Liam: [‘Chip’ and a face like yeah I know I was a kid byeee]

Edie: [just loving on it like a real dog, ‘I fucked with the beast’ ‘cos of course you did lmao]

Liam: [he’s as amused as I was when I read that because of course she did is right, clearly gonna put that film on for her]

Edie: [love that childlike energy for you too, definitely raiding for the good snacks even though it’s so early because why not sugar rush]

Liam: [same because we all know he didn’t get a chill childhood, at least there would be great snacks in because it being his bday and his mum hoping she can rock a birthday tea vibe on the low]

Edie: [sneaky bday energy, god bless, just find out what each others faves are]

Liam: [taking so many cute pics and vids during all this, be jealous everyone]

Edie: [I do have cute bed ones so have a duvet day until the notifs come in]

Liam: [gives him a reason for his phone to be blowing up but that’s not why we’re doing it, he’s just obsessed with the bae’s happiness]

Edie: [I can send them to you if you like]

Liam: [please do]

Edie: [at least you can take his phone under the assumption of taking a picture of him because he’s taken loads of you]

Liam: [and he’s not gonna stop you because he’s not stupid enough to have anything incriminating about stalking your sister on there and obvs isn’t thinking about it being his bday]

Edie: [awkward when you don’t wanna be like oh it’s your birthday but you can’t not be like that because then you’d be acting weird, just pull up whoever’s said happy bday latest like hey but soft]

Liam: [such a genuine shrug like oh yeah that idc]

Edie: [‘why didn’t you tell me?’ but without the 🥺 tone, genuine asking]

Liam: [‘I didn’t want you to know’ true but then you realise how it sounds so ‘it’s pressure on you and it don’t matter to me’]

Edie: [when there is nothing you can say to that but ‘fair enough’ because it is and we’re not gonna force it into a Big Thing ™ ‘we’re still having fun though’ because y’all are that’s facts]

Liam: [‘I can’t remember a birthday this about me’ because we can’t say he’s never had a fun bday ever but he’s never been the centre of attention ‘it is enough, and fun, having you here’]

Edie: [‘that is pressure… without anyone else taking any of the focus at all’ ‘cos we have plenty of siblings so we know what he’s saying, nothing is entirely about you when there’s other kids to still care about, make the robo dog kiss his cheek ‘it can be as fun as you like, and we can stay in all day, or go out too, it’s all up to you’]

Liam: [kiss her on the cheek thank you boy because she’s being a babe]

Edie: [🥰 look as we get up ‘what’s your favourite breakfast?’ like let’s go make that happen]

Liam: [I’m gonna say his fave is a full english/irish because when does anyone ever have the time or energy for all that faff so we can make you feel special here boy]

Edie: [giving you 2 options like we can make it here for you and that could include a shop dash to get all the bits which would be cute OR we can go to a cafe and get it and dine and dash which would also be cute]

Liam: [under duress I am voting for dine and dash because it feels very them and we’ll have loads of time to be domestic when they’re squatting in the holiday cottage etc]

Edie: [then let’s ride lads, the greasiest spoon we can find please]

Liam: [forever a mood]

Edie: [have a cute handhold as you walk, also enjoy the height difference imagine]

Liam: [don’t even I can’t fathom how tall he is, it’s crazy]

Edie: [love that you’re taller than our dad, taller than Buster, flex on ‘em babe you got that reach, it’s very much that picture of ariana and pete ‘cos that’s about y’alls heights lol]

Liam: [not to be that bitch but you would feel so safe and protected like I do get it]

Edie: [and I’m sorry but if you’re even a slightly curvier gal you can’t be with a small lad you feel like you’ll break them lmao]

Liam: [so many gals salty as hell at you rn Edie so soz]

Edie: [you love to see it, don’t get too close or we will fuck you up hens]

Liam: [I’m trying to think if there’s anything else cool they could do while they’re out cos I wanna keep the vibe chill but]

Edie: [we could go to the beach today, or we could find another thing for the ‘main event’ without being like this is what you’re doing for your bday highkey, perhaps something typical childhood birthday like bowling or laser tag that kind of energy]

Liam: [sadly you’re too much a giant to sneak into soft play]

Edie: [yes they usually have an age limit of 10-12 if memory serves and there’s no believing that lmao, although we could force the twins to go at a later date and go in with them]

Liam: [we’ll definitely give you another chance to go]

Edie: [okay so getting a bouncy castle to just put up and then we’re also having jelly and ice cream]

Liam: [green jelly is the best so you can pop off with 👽]

Edie: [i’m gonna try to find vibes deffo]

Liam: [actually love that you’ve gone from hanging out in his house to hanging out in a field and it’s the best birthday he’s had probably ever]

Liam: [kinda wanna let y’all have your first kiss on the bouncy castle but kinda have had that ruined for us by skins]

Edie: [#reclaimit and like, as much as y’all just having a good ass time getting to know each other, the casual tension still]

Liam: [it’s very much NOT a platonic good time and we all know it]

Edie: [we are not here to deny what’s here tah]

Liam: [only question is how far we’re taking it because y’all could hook up on it but you could also not]

Edie: [hmm, on the one hand, we absolutely would ‘cos wanna but on the other, I can see y’all making a slightly bigger thing out of it without you know, lighting candles lol, but you get me]

Liam: [same actually because you’re very romantic]

Edie: [right? Like it’ll deffo be in your way still but it’s your first time both of yas so you can make a thing of it if you bloody well like]

Liam: [and no shade to anyone because I’m not saying they should but not enough of our ships do make it a thing™️ because they just carried away by their feels and hormones lol, he has that degree of restraint, albeit for a sad reason so you might as well use it]

Edie: [no wonder you get so caught up in this babe, casual fairytale]

Liam: [me too gurl, me too, casually too invested in this doomed couple nbd]

Edie: [so sad, soz guys we’re rude]

Liam: [anything else cute we wanna do before your mum gets back and makes you do the cliche bday cake moment and you can get the bae to blow out your candles with you because have all the wishes my love]

Edie: [I think this gives us a good framework for how it’s gonna go, lots of cuteness, doing the least but making it the most]

Liam: [thank god it’s still summer so nobody can force you back home because you’ll both be gutted]

Edie: [fight us fam we clearly aren’t going anywhere, I like to think you got something for his mum whilst out even though it’s probably a bottle of wine neither of you can buy so bit cheeky but still cute]

Liam: [that’s adorable af, his mum can’t be mad we know she knows him and his sister did a lot worse, even if she doesn’t know it all but what does make me laugh is that she’d blatantly not let Edie stay the night because of how obvs underage she is and it’s like oh hun we’ve had many many opportunities to hook up all day but sure]

Edie: [love when parents draw that line, like this is why teens hook up in cars and anywhere else they can, also tis possible in daylight but god bless you for trying hun]

Liam: [so many parents do and there’s literally so many worse things he could be doing and in Liam’s case has done but pop off]

Edie: [oh when this baby is announced lmao sozzzzzzz]

Liam: [she’s gonna be UPSET, but in the now you can walk her home and that’s always cute af]

Edie: [so gentlemanly, also gonna bring you in impromptu to meet Ali like hello mother]

Liam: [the levels he’d just wanna stay because technically not breaking the rules to be over at the cali gaff but contrary to what I just said about baby Libi he doesn’t actually wanna upset his mum so he wouldn’t]

Edie: [we’ll let you be good today, of all days, let me post my ting and know the last pic is like now in a miss you already way]

Liam: [I’m cackling imagining Grace appearing like the extra child she is]

Edie: [curtain-twitching like a baby nosy hoe, I lol]

Liam: [thank god Lexie isn’t really crazy or you’d have to look out for her being at the window too]

Edie: [we ain’t afraid of you it’s definitely the other way round rn]

Liam: [hilarious considering how pure you’ve been all day]

Edie: tell me when you get home

Liam: I don’t want to get home

Edie: If you go somewhere I have to come

Liam: I know 😇 I promise

Liam: I’ll come back for you when it’s a new day

Edie: I’m not wishing this one away, I didn’t

Edie: I don’t want it to end

Liam: me either, but no spoilers or the wish will glitch and we won’t get what we did ask for

Edie: 😶

Edie: and we’ve got to follow the rules or you’ll turn into a 🎃 tonight

Liam: a massive me sized 🎃 do you think or one you could carry round

Edie: I could live in a you sized 🎃 but I’m not sure how comfortable that would be for you

Edie: but what if I dropped you if you were normal sized 😭

Liam: I’ve seen you on a bouncy castle, you’re not clumsy

Edie: despite your best attempts to floor me

Liam: you gave as good

Edie: yeah

Edie: I hope so

Liam: there was no cracking under the pressure

Edie: then you’ll have me back

Edie: and kiss me again

Liam: we can go back for as long as it stays up, then I’ll kiss you somewhere else

Edie: please

Edie: and you felt it

Edie: the kiss, it was more than nothing

Liam: I wouldn't have done it if it was nothing, how I know you feel is important and I'm not gonna hurt you

Edie: I know

Edie: I trust you

Edie: I’m just being annoying trying to make you say it

Liam: you couldn’t annoy me if you was trying, I’m on too big of a high from meeting you

Edie: I had the best day

Liam: I’ve gotta say thanks for today, meaning tomorrow’ll have an edge on it for being all about what you wanna do instead of me getting older

Edie: you don’t

Edie: it was mutual

Edie: you even let me help you blow out your candles

Liam: if I didn’t it’s 🎂 wasted you gave me the best 🎁 by being there, right before you were I still thought you might not show

Edie: a tiny part of me wasn’t sure

Edie: what if it messed everything we’d built up

Edie: but it didn’t

Liam: yeah, that was on my mind too, I’m either too much or not enough when I can’t moderate it how I do online, faker than my 🦎🧠 has got me used to acting, and found out for it sooner

Liam: but it wasn’t like that today

Edie: it’s easier when you can code the best response

Edie: put whatever skin on it works best in that moment

Edie: but this was better than anything I’ve made or seen in cyberspace so far

Liam: your fave 🤖 is a compliment I'll take any time, like

Edie: don’t tell Chip

Liam: he’s got more to rub in my face, he got to stay, I wouldn’t start it

Edie: [pic of him tucked up casually]

Edie: bit smug, tbh

Liam: in the world we just woke him up from I could be 💔😭 he’ll have to try harder now

Edie: [a pic of him up on her titties like mr steal yo gurl]

Edie: 😱😱

Edie: I’m gonna need to train him

Liam: I remember him as naughtier than me

Edie: checks out

Edie: you’re very 😇

Liam: if it was up to him you’d be sleeping on the bouncy castle together, however many rules it breaks

Edie: I think it’d be cosy

Edie: tomorrow though, we can have a nap

Liam: waiting until my ma falls asleep and I can sneak out, it’d be tomorrow

Edie: it’s not breaking the rules, if you’re sure

Edie: you can leave a note for when she wakes up

Liam: if you are, we’re doing what you want

Edie: obviously I want to

Liam: have to keep you up half the night first

Edie: you’d already done that without trying

Edie: but I’m not turning down more

Liam: me or the beast 😏

Edie: I’m not saying you’re covered in brown fur

Edie: but you are that big so

Edie: little column A little column B 😏

Liam: I’ll check the coat cupboard, might get me closer to ticking both boxes for you

Edie: 😂

Edie: you tick every box, you don’t need to kidnap my dad to make that happen

Liam: don’t be so quick to say no to something I know you’d like

Edie: 😍 okay, only if we see him on the way

Edie: tomorrow ain’t about him

Liam: 🎼

Liam: I should’ve got you to sing something other than happy birthday, lock my ma in as part of your fan club

Edie: karaoke night 👩‍🎤👨‍🎤

Liam: she’d have your arm off, to take you up on the idea and to take the 🎤 off you for her turn

Edie: I’ll bring the machine and plenty of 90s bops

Liam: what would your first pick be

Edie: 🤔

Edie: I’d have to pick My Heart Will Go On to win your ma over, obviously

Edie: assuming she’s not fuming I’ve stolen it

Liam: too 😤 at the ending as if everyone don’t know the boat sinks and loads of people die

Liam: go for the Whitney song, the film’s got a lower body count

Edie: just poor Whit IRL

Edie: 😎 he’s no beast but

Liam: you don’t want no posh 🤴 sort over a handworking lad who keeps coming through for you, I keep saying you’re smart

Edie: makes my motives sound a bit evil

Edie: nothing but true ❤️ works remember

Liam: but you wouldn’t fall in love with someone you’ve got nothing in common with, there’d be no connection

Edie: true

Liam: I’d never call out your motives as evil, even a bit

Edie: you can if I am ever 👻👺🧙‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧛‍♀️👹💀 to you

Liam: that’s more far fetched than you and 🤴

Edie: who did you have a crush on as a kid

Liam: 🧚

Edie: Good choice

Liam: - as many points off as deserved for Lexie and I’ve still got proven good taste

Edie: I get it

Edie: I can see the appeal

Liam: being able to fly is enough of one

Edie: She looks like she might 🎯 a bitch for you but she’s the Wendy really

Liam: there's no appeal to Lex and no need to try and find it

Edie: 🏹🏹🏹💘

Edie: She’s 💀 to us

Liam: and soon to the rest of her mates including your sister

Edie: I hadn’t thought about her all day

Edie: Or anyone else

Edie: just you

Liam: you don't have to think about her ever again

Edie: I won’t show up and 😭 at her ⚰️🪦 when we bury her

Edie: We’ve got plans

Liam: I only mentioned her at all as a - bc you're such a massive + but I probably should've said that without her name being dropped in

Edie: nah, not even mentioning her is gonna affect how +++ this all is

Liam: it makes me seem like I've got her on my mind though and I don't want you to think I do

Edie: you can tell me what really is then

Edie: even if that’s tinkerbell

Edie: or that fry-up still

Liam: you are, and when my ma is gonna go the fuck to bed so I can kiss you again

Edie: I can feel the 👻 of you, your lips touching mine and where your hands were and where I wanted them to be next

Edie: it’s making me wish I were 🧚 so I could find a drowsiness potion to give her or just sprinkle some pixie dust on you so you could fly in my window right now

Edie: weren’t my 🎂 wish though, no spoilers ever 🤐

Edie: I could kiss you all night

Edie: And all day

Edie: But I have got other things we can do, even though it’s my day tomorrow, can’t be that selfish

Liam: not kissing all day or all night if that’s what you’ve decided but long enough for my hands to go where you wanted them next, yeah? i’d say it’d more be selfish if you didn’t share the complete thought with me

Edie: You don’t know exactly what I want?

Edie: It felt like you knew to me

Liam: it sounds better if I say I don’t and get it right instead of saying I do and getting it wrong

Edie: You haven’t got any of this wrong, trust me

Liam: honestly didn’t feel like I had but my instincts ain’t as easy to trust as you are

Edie: I promise I’ll tell you if you ever do

Edie: but you aren’t going to

Liam: that’s the connection I was going on about before, useful for the beginning, middle and the happy ending

Edie: You’re better than any lad in any film

Liam: you’re all I wanna see on film

Edie: bring a 📹

Liam: look for the ⏺️ light flashing in your window

Edie: like a 🌠

Liam: and ⏰ which won’t trigger 🚨 before we can get you out

Edie: I have had previous experience sneaking out, even if not to meet boys

Edie: that bit, I can do

Liam: there’s shit you can’t do, don’t believe that bit for a sec

Edie: 😏 you know

Edie: as my sister tried to make me sound like a total child

Liam: she knows you different to me, you’re a separate person to her than how you exist when we’re together

Edie: yeah

Edie: that’s how she likes to keep us, still about 7 in her head

Liam: my sister went the other way, she wasn’t waiting round for me to grow up when she could tell me to hurry up and do x z or z thing with her

Edie: it’s cool, that she didn’t treat you like an incapable kid

Edie: better, anyway, right?

Liam: but sometimes I wish she’d let me be one, it don’t matter, you can’t turn round like not today I wanna go to the park with my mates, not with lads I already knew were gonna be gone long before her, not to do fuck all instead of a crazy scheme

Edie: being ‘grown’ is only fun if it’s how you wanna do it, that’s definitely the main draw of not being a kid, doing exactly what you want and when

Edie: less shine if it isn’t your scheme

Liam: I think it’d be 🌟✨ to be looked after, but I get it’d fade for me if I had a sister like yours

Edie: you already charmed her, she’ll extend the courtesy to you now too I bet

Liam: it’s too late for me to start living like that

Edie: not if you want it

Edie: we can do it

Liam: I ain’t had a family in so long, I dunno if I could do it

Edie: we don’t need mine

Edie: we can have our own

Liam: can we

Edie: yes

Edie: and we can do anything and everything you missed out on

Liam: what happens if nothing changes and I’m stuck as a 🤖

Edie: if that happens then a baby won’t

Liam: and you’ll have to leave

Edie: no

Liam: I’m not taking no for an answer or asking anyone to love me if I can’t love them back

Edie: I can do it

Liam: your ++++ can’t make up for such a massive - in me

Edie: don’t give in yet

Edie: we have nothing but time

Liam: I’m saying it before I give in to you and believe we can do this

Edie: okay

Edie: I am listening

Liam: I’m not dying, I don’t get to be as selfish as my sister and I wanna care more than my parents

Edie: I love that about you

Edie: not enough people give a shit about anyone who isn’t themselves

Edie: or act like they’re a saint if the list includes the person they’re fucking too

Liam: we can’t do things just to try and force me to feel, even though I want to

Edie: it’s up to you

Edie: all of it

Edie: I don’t want to force you to do anything

Liam: it’s not, it’s equally up to you

Edie: Kinda

Edie: but I already feel things for you

Liam: I’m not gonna let your feelings force you to do anything same as you’re not gonna let what I don’t do it for me

Edie: I won’t let this fail

Liam: me either

Edie: does 16 feel any different

Liam: only bc of how I celebrated it

Edie: well I like that 🥰

Edie: I’m getting you a gift, just give me time

Liam: you’ve given me loads of 🎁🎁

Edie: nothing I could tie up with a bow

Liam: you could do a 🎀 in your hair before you come out, but it probably won’t help with your sister thinking you’re a kid still

Edie: 🤞 she shouldn’t be seeing me

Liam: or the 📹 footage of you 👧🏼

Edie: not for her 👀

Edie: or anyone else’s if we decide

Liam: if they’ve not had their fix of you today that’s their 💔

Edie: I’m for you

Liam: I’m buzzing not to be afraid of that, maybe normal is overrated this time

Edie: maybe it’s just scary

Liam: you’re not

Edie: 👺

Liam: you’re 🔥 people are scared of it but it’s not about you, it’s a them thing

Edie: I could cry

Edie: again

Edie: I’ll burn it all down

Liam: you’ve been crying

Edie: only happy crying

Liam: you nearly did force a fear response there for a sec

Edie: I didn’t mean to baby

Liam: I know, it was a me thing too

Edie: how’d it feel though, as it nearly happened

Liam: I was about to leave and make sure you were alright, I forgot about happy crying

Edie: 🚨🚨🚨

Edie: I can’t remember the last time I felt that, actually

Liam: it’s the kind of day for it, I can’t remember spending this much time with someone and thinking it wasn’t enough

Edie: Me either

Edie: I usually zone out after a sentence or two

Edie: it’s enough to know we have nothing worth discussing

Edie: sounds fake, how hard I’ve gone here, but I never care enough

Liam: it’d sound fake how hard I relate to not giving a fuck about anyone or anything in years before this

Edie: people reckon it’d be freeing, not relating, not being connected to anyone else

Edie: and I guess it is

Edie: but it’s boring before it’s anything else

Liam: and I’d come across as certifiably crazy if I tried to explain what walking round as me with everyone else seeming so unreal was like

Edie: people are idiots

Edie: they wouldn’t take the time to get it

Edie: just take it as a 🔫 admission or some shit

Liam: they’d only take the time to feel bad for me, I’m down for no more of that as long as I live

Edie: fuck that shit

Liam: yeah

Edie: when school starts, we’re gonna fuck shit up

Edie: without a 🔫

Liam: we should go in the night before

Edie: dedicated 😍

Liam: not saying I’ve got my ear to my ma’s door at the minute bc that’d be weird but I am, yeah

Edie: if you want something to listen to

Edie: [a song that’s clearly about today]

Liam: if you wanna hear a review I’m gonna need longer than it clearly took you to write that

Liam: I seriously don’t know what to say

Edie: it’d sound pretentious to say I think in lyrics but there’s always a tune in my head so

Edie: when you’re as inspiring as you are

Liam: when I can finally get out of here I know exactly what to do, putting words to my reaction to you being everything you are can wait

Edie: I��ll do my best to wait

Edie: but that sounds 🥴

Liam: I’m not waiting, I’ll make sure she don’t hear me go

Edie: I believe in you 😶

Liam: [obvs do that and show up to her window because we all know you can and it wouldn’t take you very long]

Edie: [question is are you ground floor music room or your room and Billie better be asleep lmao]

Liam: [how do you want it boo cos both are moods]

Edie: [I say go for your room so you have to climb and you have to control your excitement ‘til you too are out of the window]

Liam: [soz that he is gonna kiss you literally immediately though like as he’s coming through the window so you really are gonna have to control your excitement gal and also your volume]

Edie: [good luck with that sweetie, love this for you two]

Liam: [just fully making out rn nbd]

Edie: [sorry we must literally]

Liam: [do leave before you wake Billie up though lads]

Edie: [you gotta because we do not have that much chill to get any further than this]

Liam: [it’s been an overwhelming af day we’ll allow the lack of chill and get you away from the fam]

Edie: [run babies run, we’re so 😍]

Liam: [get back to the bouncy castle because y’all are 10000% those bitches who would legit kiss for hours just for the joy of it]

Edie: [you’ll be dying but in the best way]

Liam: [like who else is gonna be fully savouring this bit for what it is and how it feels in its own right, we know it’s you]

Edie: [you’ve been feeling fuck all, you deserve it, we will be putting across as much]

Liam: [and she’s never felt like this before either so we don’t need to be rushing anything rn or ever]

Edie: [exactly, ugh, so cute, you definitely brought a blanket before you ran]

Liam: [the adorable snuggles you can have bye]

Edie: [‘this was the best day ever’ so sincerely]

Liam: [just nod because we very much agree to a speechless level]

Edie: [sing to him IRL but not in a cringe way lol, a chill one]

Liam: [that is everything though]

Edie: [just that happy soz]

Liam: [not at all soz]

Edie: [what a time, deffo think one of you should get in a bit of trouble for being out right now, even if they can’t find you ‘til they do, like either his mum or someone in cali gaff wakes up like hello?]

Liam: [maybe his mum because it do be her rule and she do be extra rn in terms of her emotions and realistically even if Billie did wake up she’s not gonna dob you in]

Edie: [seems legit, how would he wanna deal, ‘cos his phone can be blowing up as soon as she realises]

Liam: [sadly he’s probably gonna have to go back because he’s not ever a fuck you mum kinda bitch, unlike 99% of the other characters lol, but he’d be leaving it as long as he could]

Edie: [we understand even if this back and forth is a trip, the bouncy castle was nearby so you’re fine]

Liam: [it would be very obvious at least that he does NOT want to go, so he’s not just messing you about intentionally gal]

Edie: [whatever we might be thinking, we know it’s not that energy like you’re not a fuckboy tah everyone]

Liam: [when your mum is overprotective as hell but you’re still gonna die soz hun]

Edie: [it’s very rude to everyone you included hun]

Liam: [and you can’t even talk to the bae cos she’s gonna be popping off at you for ages]

Edie: [we can skip but I’ll just do some immediate afters from her first]

Edie: sorry sorry sorry

Edie: hope you don’t get in so much shit we can’t meet up later

Edie: just tell me when you can

Liam: I won’t, I’ll talk her round, don’t worry

Liam: when she lets me talk

Edie: does she hate me

Liam: I didn’t tell her I was with you, she’s only 😡 at me

Edie: what did you say that she believed

Liam: my mates were 🥺 bc I’d been with you all day

Edie: fair play, boys are clingy like that

Liam: she’s have an unhappy cry and we’ll move past it

Edie: should I have told you no?

Liam: you didn’t know she was gonna find out, I should’ve

Edie: I didn’t want to, I didn’t want you to want to either

Edie: but I feel bad if I make her cry

Liam: it isn’t really about me not being here, it’s about my sister not, this is what she gets like every year

Edie: yeah, of course

Edie: it’s not about us

Edie: be nice if there was something we could do now but I know that’s probably not the case either

Liam: she’ll feel better after she’s shouted at me

Edie: 🔇

Liam: [a gap while that’s going on, such fun I’m sure]

Liam: it’s sorted

Edie: you okay?

Liam: if you can’t hurt me, she ain’t gonna

Edie: are you tired though

Edie: as it’s my day, I can make you have a nap, if you need it

Liam: you’re gonna make me 😴 when there’s 0 limits on what we could do

Liam: serious

Edie: if that’s a challenge to make you 😴 with everything we’re GONNA do

Edie: then challenge accepted

Liam: how much of a challenge are you gonna make it for me to find out what that everything is

Edie: as much of a challenge to be fun

Edie: can’t have you getting bored as well as 😴

Liam: it’ll be a fun challenge too proving I’m not tired or bored

Edie: well, when we can go out again at more sociable hours

Edie: you can start with this [clue] to come find me and prove it

Liam: ok but until then [so many pictures of people with their eyes crossed out from whatever his mum has to read and deface or like their entire photo album tbh because MISS YOU SO SO MUCH] you can have this

Edie: we need a 🏠 of our own

Edie: missing you is so

Edie: intense

Liam: I'll start hunting for a not too trashed empty round and about we can stay in until the holiday cottages clear out

Edie: how’d you guess

Edie: I told you I’d stay busy

Edie: you still have to find me so not a total fail on my behalf

Liam: I didn't, I promise, we must just think really alike and want the same things

Liam: when did you even do this

Edie: sitting still is not a speciality

Edie: and i’ve got a lapel mic so I could record and 🚴‍♀️

Edie: clearly need a go-pro for streaming purposes but you would’ve been 😱 to see that sudden POV change

Liam: I ain't scratched the surface of what you're capable of, have I

Edie: 🤔

Edie: keep going and find out, I reckon

Liam: 😏

Edie: [selfie like 😁]

Liam: I dunno how I'm gonna get used to looking at your 😁 face all the time when we live together, something else to find out

Edie: I could get a 🤡 mask

Liam: we both know the smile underneath is more deadly to me

Edie: you’re deadly and you could kill me

Edie: but I promised

Liam: and you’d never break a promise to me

Edie: never ever

Edie: you’ve got the blood to prove it

Liam: when can I solve the first clue

Edie: is your mum going to work today?

Liam: unless she pulls a sickie

Edie: whenever she’s up for the day, you can go

Edie: even if she’s not mad at me, I don’t want her to be mad at you

Liam: if I leave then, you’ve gotta go sleep for a while now

Edie: I don’t know if I can

Edie: my 🧠 & 💗 are vibrating, that’s what it feels like

Liam: yeah, meaning the comedown is gonna hurt when it does catch up to you and I don’t want you to

Edie: I’ll sleep with you

Liam: my nightmares’ll wake you up

Edie: then I can protect you

Liam: not from what’s already happened

Edie: but from getting stuck there

Liam: seeing me like that is gonna be

Liam: you won’t like it

Edie: I know but I can’t help if I don’t see it

Edie: all of it

Liam: alright, I did say it was a good thing you don’t close your eyes to what everyone else does

Edie: [👀 pic always]

Edie: If you go to sleep, I’ll feel it and I will too

Edie: then I can come find you

Liam: I’ll do it if you sing to me again

Edie: [call so you can do that and both have some sleep]

Liam: [love that for you, keep being adorable forever please lads]

Edie: [so that was my main vibe for today ‘cos she did say she’d look, it should be crappy though and not the one that you find that you actually love straight away so you don’t need to stay here, but you can spend the day there]

Liam: [and you can have fun fucking it up at the end cos you’re not gonna stay]

Edie: [exactly, a more genuine squat vibe this time, so you can get all the creepy shots and footage, as well as just causing some genuine carnage]

Liam: [I’ll see if one of the million pics I have of him holding a camera has the right energy and send it to you]

Edie: [woopwoop, likewise, a more 😈 day but definitely still cute]

Liam: [can’t not be cute ever]

Edie: [tried to fight it but we can’t]

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hellishvu · 5 years

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Imagine BTS (hyung line): being overly sweet in the morning

— hehe just when i thought i had a stable schedule, a lot of school stuff is starting so i’m all over the place. also with requests i will lower imagines/reactions to 3 to keep me sane akcksk

edit: i wrote this so LONG AGO, like i started it but i never really finished it and now i’m regretting it because i could’ve had this done so long ago but brain went shut down mode! school HAS STARTED FKSKD i don’t know how i feel about this writing but i thought i should post it (*⁰▿⁰*) to show u army that i’m serious about coming back!

Kim Namjoon: ˚✧₊⁎

Mornings you were usually the one to be sleeping still when Namjoon wakes up. No matter what your schedule was like staying up till 4am or going to bed at the crack of dusk you always woke up to Namjoon’s cheeky face.

But when you two got a pup for the first time, deciding if you two can be considered a responsible couple that was the task. Namjoon always wanted one, but with the time of his hectic life that stood between it. When you suddenly brought up the idea for a pup Namjoon basically blossom into joy. It was a battle of who gets to name and of course what.

When Namjoon came home and saw the pup running around, he literally dropped all of his bags kneeling on the floor trying to catch the hyper dog. You saw him giggle like a little kid seeing the pup lick his face. Looking up at you he couldn’t stop smiling. Every look he gave at the pup was filled with love.

In the middle of the morning the pup decided it was genius idea to wake Namjoon walking all over him and stepping on his forehead before resting on him. Namjoon groans out caressing the pup’s back grabbing the soft delicate animal in his arms. Small barks came from the pup which sprung Namjoon to shush it.

“Don’t be too loud pup, you’re going to wake up Y/N and he will make me eat dog food.”

“A bit too late for that. Come here baby.” You signal the dog but Namjoon took it as him closing his eyes expecting a kiss.

“Uh.. you meant the dog didn’t you?” Namjoon says being flustered seeing you pick up the dog cuddling with it.

“Don’t worry you’re always going to be my baby.”

Kim Seokjin: ˚✧₊⁎

“You’re driving me crazy Seokjin.” You pull the blanket off him while he snores in his sleep. The force you had to pull some of the blanket back since you were basically freezing.

“You have enough...” Seokjin snoozes off once again while you had nothing but the little corner of the covers. This was normal but you never once thought it got worst throughout the days so you accepted it but tonight was extra cold like freezing cold.

You could have just gotten up from your bed to grab another blanket but you were so sore from working out with Seokjin. All the members were busy and he wanted a work out partner so you volunteered and the whole evening was your aching muscles while he says “Let’s go another round!”

“Pass some blanket mmmh.” Your eyes barely open to see Seokjin all wrapped in the blanket. Pulling on it to see him adjust himself giving you a little more.

Falling asleep you curled yourself in a ball, you turning back to Seokjin slapping his ass trying to get more blanket. Seokjin rolled over on his stomach, sighing you grabbed the blanket covering half of your body.

Later the slumber, Seokjin finally wakes up seeing you shivering, he felt a bad sharing the blanket and grabbing you to cuddle. You hummed holding his hands against your chest.

“Sorry I stole all the blanket.” Seokjin whispers in your ear kissing your neck. You rubbing his hair pressing him to kiss you more.

“I forgive you, I’ll just have a emergency blanket next time.”

Min Yoongi: ˚✧₊⁎

Yoongi wakes up out of his sweet dreams to see the groggy vision of his till a couple of blinks and he’s back to normally seeing. First thing he sees is you, smiling because you were his source of happiness. On the worst days he just replays memories of you two and he feels his heart lift in the clouds.

He loves you and all the sweet memories you two make. From the extra special ones like going out to the ones where he wakes up to see you. Yoongi got closer to you resting his chin on your shoulder taking a deep breath of your scent. Smelt like honey and he could just drown in it.

You had your back turned to Yoongi so he thought it would be the perfect time to think about life. The things he wants in this life, where he wants to go with his relationship, and his career.

“Y/N?” Yoongi whispers out seeing if you were awake. He got up looking at you just to double check, he felt relieved when he saw your eyes were still closed...supposedly.

“You’re the best thing that has happened to me you know that right? You’re one of the most selfless person i’ve known.” Yoongi presses a kiss on your shoulder. The young love you two had was something you never experienced with anyone. It was paradise. A never ending heaven.

“I like you like a lot.. gosh what I am? In highschool? I love you Y/N so much. There’s nothing or no one quite like you.” Presses his forehead against your shoulder, even asleep he couldn’t face you due to the amount of times he stutters or blushes.

“Love you too kitten.” You roll over to him, your face so close to his while you pinch his nose getting up stretching while he tries to realize what’s happening.

“I thought you were sleeping?” He asks a little louder while you grab a shirt putting it on.

“No I heard you shuffle around in bed. Woke me up and I wanted to let you ramble kitten.”

“So you heard everything?”

“Of course. You’re everything and more. I couldn’t ask for more. Yoongi you are one of the most hard working, understanding, and toughest basterd I’ve ever met in my entire life.” Pressing your lips against his your arms around him hugging him tight. Yoongi feeling on cloud 9 because you felt the same love about him as much as he did with you.

Jung Hoseok: ˚✧₊⁎

“Wake up wake up!” Hoseok records bouncing on the bed. Mornings were always full of high energy from Hoseok. He always is ready for the day and then you needed a bit more time then he did.

The song was playing in the background, rolling over Hoseok presses his face against yours smiling to the camera while you groan. “It’s time for the new day honey!” Hoseok cheers once again, laying on top of you still, his leg slung around yours.

“What time is it?” You ask with your groggy voice, Hoseok giving you a reply of 7am. Feeling the dried up drool on the side of your cheek, turning your head you saw the iphone in his hand.

“Hoseok! No, I have drool!” Laughing you cover the camera with your hand seeing him trying to move the camera towards you. “You have to do the chicken noodle soup dance!” Hoseok giggles laying on top of your body.

“I will! Just give me 5 more minutes of sleep!” Smoothering him in kisses you embrace him, giving a peace sign to the camera before covering yourself in the blanket.

Hoseok ends the recording, raising the blanket seeing you already had fallen back asleep. Enjoying the little cover of the blanket. Seeing your peaceful expression rubbing your cheek. “I am still awake.” You suddenly say Hoseok jumping.

“What is with you and scarying me?!” Hoseok screams out pulling the blankets, you whining out trying to reach for them.

#bts x male reader #kpop x male reader #bts imagine #bts namjoon #bts seokjin #bts yoongi #bts hoseok

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queenitn · 4 years

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So...I just found something that I'd written one night at like 4am a month into lockdown.

It's pretty much a very unnecessarily angry rant.

I can probably contradict half the stuff I say in it myself. It's just...kinda rude in places and when I'm thinking straight there's some parts I don't really agree with myself. It's not aimed at anybody and I'm definitely a hypocrite but I'm gonna post it anyways so go wild I guess.

So I recently took a stroll through Stucky fanfiction on ao3. For a while there I'd been avoiding it, and I'd nearly convinced myself that my mind was exaggerating the whole bottom!Bucky/top!Steve thing but yeah, I'm not.

Normally, I'd say who tops or bottoms doesn't matter. It's pretty irrelevant. But... since the majority of the fanfictions clearly prefer to write bottom!Bucky, obviously, there is some significance. Wouldn't the proportion be more equal if it truly was irrelevant?

Besides being annoying as fuck, it's also pretty interesting I guess. I have nothing else to do so I'm going to be ranting about a lot of stuff.

So, I mostly try to look for bottom!Steve, right? Because that's what I like. I read a bottom!Steve fic, then I say, "Hmm, this author seems to like bottom!Steve, maybe they've written more?" I go check, and I find...mostly bottom!Bucky, with maybe one or two more bottom!Steve.

It's fine the first few times, but after a while it's honestly weird. Clearly, a lot of very good authors have no problem writing bottom!Steve. They just happen to write more bottom!Bucky. As far as I can tell, that's pretty much the common trend. But why? What exactly does one think while starting a new fic, going all, "Hmm...I think...this time.... we're gonna have bottom!Bucky again." Again and again and again until it's most times.

Why is bottom!Steve so fetishized? I don't mean the fics that actually have a dom/sub element. I mean just pure bottom!Steve itself. Why does it have to be some sort of rarity?

As far as I know, there's...really nothing in canon indicating who would likely top or bottom. (I mean yeah, I do believe that canon Bucky is more likely to want to dom than canon Steve, but that's different.)

So, what is it?

Sure, Steve is taller, has a deeper voice, more muscle, a beard....but those are just physical things. They don't actually have anything to do with taking or giving.

Besides, he used to be small before. Is that what this is about? Previously tiny man likes to be in control? Likes to...what? Prove he's a manlier man? Bullshit. Besides the fact that it's bullshit, it also doesn't seem to fit with canon Steve.

The "Sometimes I think you like getting punched" and the "And you've got nothing to prove" make me think that his proving himself had less to do with showing his dominance and more to do with showing his endurance. I'd say bottoming is exactly what he'd want to do.

Besides, wasn't that exactly what made his relationship with Bucky special? The fact that he didn't have to "prove himself" in any way? Bucky already knew his worth.

Is it because Steve likes to give orders? Some sort of "Oh, this guy was always meant to be the leader"? Well, there's a huge difference between being a leader, giving orders in a battlefield...and giving orders in the bedroom. And I'm pretty sure top/bottom preferences would be completely unrelated to who's the boss at work.

But nevermind that, as far as I can tell, sure Steve gives orders, but he also looks to the people he trusts for guidance. The best example is Nat. The thing that makes their friendship so goddamm precious is partly in the way he always glances at her for confirmation before making a decision. Isn't Bucky sort of like an Ultimate Nat with sex benefits?

Nevermind that too. Steve bossing people around is great, but that's not the point, is it? The point is does he enjoy it? I think, the only movie where he did look like he relished his power was TFA. I'm pretty confident that's because of the novelty of his new strength partially, and partially also because of the rush caused by his back to back successes. Why? Because he never seems to take that kind of enjoyment again. As opposed to...maybe Sam? The guy who gets his literal wings back after (presumably) years and lets out a whoop after being chased by the missile thingies. Sam's joy doesn't wear off. Steve's does.

Is it just me, or has this skew towards bottom!Bucky actually increased over the years? Why? I can say a few things on this.

First, maybe people need to remember a bit more that Sebastian Stan is not Bucky Barnes. Chris Evans is not Steve Rogers. And Steve Rogers is not Captain America.

No matter what you think about the actors, the characters they play are separate. Please.

Second, there is a very interesting theory that exists which says that the reason why Bucky is so popular in the fandom is because his character arc is relatable to women and the queer community in the fact that it's about him regaining his stolen agency. Which is true.

Does this have anything to do with him bottoming though? I mean, I don't know. Fanfictions are important because they allow us to explore ourselves, whether it's our sexuality or our trauma that we're trying to figure out. In that way, it makes sense that maybe we will tend to write Bucky as a bottom more often. Except no.

Partly because, having had bad experiences at a young age myself, and being queer myself, I do not relate to Bucky. And hypothetically speaking, I would totally bottom for Peggy or Bucky, but I would rail the absolute shit out of Steve. I canNOT be the only one.

Partly also because yeah, a lot of fanfiction is projection, which is good for the soul, both yours and mine, but not to the point where we create a fanon version of the character completely different from the canon one. Yeah, you could say that canon doesn't really give us much of a character, but clearly they give us something and we have to build up on that right? It's true for both Bucky and Steve. Bucky barely has lines, but his actions speak enough. There's an absolutely breathtaking character waiting for you in canon if you really want to look. As for Steve, let me just say, sass and the tiniest little hints of PTSD do not make a whole character. Marvel fucked it up, but this goes for the fandom too (this is keeping in mind that Steve technically has three movies dedicated to him and Bucky doesn't)

Stop treating Steve like your personal punching bag, Stucky fandom.

It does happen, if we project our bad experiences on Bucky, Steve often naturally fills the role of the clueless/mildly asshole-ish love interest. Not too much of an asshole though, clearly you love him.

That's fine. Fanfiction is about self expression, but should we lose sight of the canon characters that we loved so much in the first place? And isn't fanfiction just as much about exploring those characters, as objectively as we possibly can?

Another thing related to that...why do we only have to identify with one character? I don't know how to put this, but there's a thing called halo effect and I think that's kind of what happens (I'm not a psychologist).

You see something in Bucky. And then you start to attribute more and more things to him that may or may not actually exist. Like yeah, he's fullfilling the traditional love interest role in Steve's movies, but that doesn't automatically mean he's a bottom. The two things are... actually entirely unrelated. They're only related in your mind. And similar to that, when we see one thing in a character that we identify with, we kind of want to see even more things in them we identify with, but it doesn't have to be like that. That's not how any person works, and it's not how any fully developed character works. You can relate to both the characters in different ways, no need to dump it all in one.

Ok, another thing, that I don't like to think about but it's occured to me and I don't like it. So, Steve is generally coded as a bisexual, right? And Bucky is coded as gay. Look yourself in the eye in the mirror and think about whether you're unconsciously assuming that the bi guy isn't going to want to bottom. I'm a bisexual woman, I will top Steve. I kind of resent this.

Going off on another tangent, I have also delved into Stony on my quest for bottom!Steve. Pretty sure there's even less of that there. Why??? That's crazy.

Normally, I'm pretty sure Tony would be coded as the top. He's much older, richer. He clearly has control issues. That's one of his defining features. Control. (I don't mean that in a bad way.) So....what exactly do Bucky and Tony have in common besides dark hair and short hight? The only thing I could come up with was thotiness. They're both shown as Thots. Is that it? The Thot Bottoms? Ok.

Is it the whole energy thing? "Bucky has bottom energy"? Does he? Can you argue with me if I say that TFA Steve has bratty bottom energy? That TFA Bucky goes from service top energy to mean top energy? Pretty sure that's subjective. But what exactly are we seeing differently here? I'm honestly asking.

Bucky's character is ridiculously strong, stronger than Steve in some ways (besides probably physically). Specifically, it's because of his ability to not only survive, but heal. Can we acknowledge how crazy that is? He's just fucking buying plums, but that's still more than we've ever seen Steve do. You can say his trauma is greater, but it looks like his coping ability is greater too. So is that what this is? Steve doesn't cope. Instead he focuses on external things like being Cap, Hydra, Bucky. I wouldn't call that a healthy way of living...but it's romantic, right? Neglecting to take care of yourself? No, actually avoiding taking care of yourself by focusing entirely on another person? Is that it? We're romanticizing unhealthy behaviour?

Is it because you feel more for Bucky, wearing his hurt on his sleave, versus Steve who wears it hidden under his skin?

Am I allowed to believe that Steve's ultimate shield isn't the vibranium one, but Captain America himself?

That's just me getting off track and mildly pissy but the point stands. We like seeing Steve in control. He wears it well. He's good at it. But that's just not that relevant. You don't just boss poeple around in the bedroom because you're good at it, you have to want it too. Would he want it? Is a commanding voice really an indicator of a person's desire to command? Can we really say because he's usually the one giving orders (because that's his actual job), that he likes it too? Does he look like he especially likes it? No.

I've been around fandoms long enough to know that all fandoms always have a preference regarding who ultimately tops or bottoms. This isn't the first time it's bugged me, but it feels more this time because I just don't see it. And it makes me angry because it contradicts what I feel, are the best parts of the characters. No, Bucky bottoming isn't the contradiction..but all this that I wrote, the connotations of this kind of coding, the underlying thoughts.... some of it is just not nice, but some of it opposes the little things that humanize these characters. It wouldn't matter, except that it wouldn't have happened at all if it didn't matter.

It's not just what happens to them in canon that matters so much. It's also what they choose to do for themselves when they have the chance. It feels like they made their choices and half the fandom ignored it. "Nah man, you'll look better at the bottom. Look at that hair."

Because ultimately, that's what it feels like to me. A mixture of not thinking too much about it (though I know this post probably counts as overthinking), some wierd internalised heteronormativity, and I don't know what just kind of fucks with all of us. All I know is that I hate it. I hate it.

It's not the bottom!Bucky I hate, it's the underlying, unthinking assumptions. The way it's a foregone conclusion. It's not. I really just want to be able to read the goddamn fanfictions again without wanting to tear my skin off.

( You can help by giving reccs)

#steve rogers #captain america #bucky barnes #stucky

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fangsmyth · 4 years

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empatheorem info post!

oh i love this it’s going to be absolutely terrible

hey! thank you for coming here, i’m assuming you’re looking at this post because you’re thinking of swapping bodies with lanque! i’m going to warn you: this is going to suck really bad when your muse gets their body back. but i’ll put some notes under the cut! (i have a lot of them i’m going to warn you)

tws for alcoholism and drugs!

physiological things

lanque is an alcoholic, and a notoriously heavy drinker! being in his body will render you susceptible to the symptoms of withdrawal. i’ll admit, i don’t really have any experience with this personally or second-hand but whenever i’m considering incorporating it in rp i use this as a timeline/point of reference.

this behavior likely won’t stop when he’s in your muse’s body, since it’s both a physical and psychological dependence. he’ll likely spend most of your muse’s dust on booze. have fun being broke and super hungover when you get back!

it’s cold as fuck and trolls are extremely sensitive to cold. as lanque, you’ll need more than a couple of layers to deal with it.

lanque has half of his strength back, and as a result he’ll be able to lift 500 lbs at maximum with relative ease. your muse probably won’t realize this until they actually... need it. he doesn’t really give a fuck about this.

you’d be surprised at how structured lanque’s schedule is! you’ll probably have a compulsion to do certain things at certain times! (go through his skin care routine every morning, go to the gym every other morning, hit up a club every night, walk around fibonacci in the evening after work, etc)

lanque claims that he’s never tired, but it’s honestly because he’s used to constantly feeling a little groggy all the time. your muse will definitely feel this, but if they try to sleep they’ll have a hard time. (on the schedule thing, his internal clock has him sleeping at 4am and waking up around 8 or 9am)

social life

as nsfw isn’t permitted during this event, lanque will not be getting any calls or texts from his clients. however there is absolutely nothing wrong with your muse panicking and afraid that they will get such things while staying in his body and keeping his phone! (i’d also imagine they’d get the occasional cat call since he has........ A Reputation)

his drug dealer is also available as a contact on his phone. it might take a minute for your muse to get the memory for which one it is, but... they will be an individual to Keep in Mind. (lanque is a VERY consistent customer, so it’s possible that they will send messages offering coke, ecstasy, and shrooms if its been a while since he’s seen them!)

you get a lot of energy from causing people to focus their attention on you, become guilty, worried about you, etc. lanque is an emotional vampire, and as someone that is currently doing that it’s not required but i recommend playing it as literally as possible.

lifestyle

honestly the most important thing imo to think about when it comes to this event is that lanque’s home life is not even close to what you would expect. his room is spotless and tidy. he has a variety of expensive skin care products lined up in his personal bathroom. he has bolts of fabric next to his closet filled with hand sewn suits, a sewing machine, and a corner of his desk has his favorite books standing upright.

among these books is a book filled with extremely emotional and sensitive handwritten poems. (it’s hidden by a booksleeve of bram stoker’s dracula.) your muse will know exactly where this is the second you get to his room, and lanque will be doing everything in his power to find you and stop you from reading any of it.

lanque is stupid rich from his escort service and camming. i still need to make a post on the logistics of it, but there will be a lot of money available to spend on whatever. burn his account, go stupid, go crazy.

memories

honestly you’ll probably have to ask me on the specifics if you do want to go this deep. lanque tries his damnedest not to remember much of anything, but generally speaking his memories center around feeling a lack of control and completely hopeless. most of them will be about outglut and the cloister, obvs. some of them may be about past relationships and how he cheats and ends relationships purely to maintain what little control he can over his situation. but yeah dm me for specifics bapeyyyyyyyy

i’m not opposed to sending icons either! hit me up, let’s play in the space!

#ginger lemon radler ( ooc ) ;;#are you down? ( saves ) ;;#angelic voices ( hc ) ;;#oh god i ended up going ham i am so sorry #cane shuga ( empatheorem ) ;;#iremp info

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someonefromseoul · 4 years

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Fuck Me.

Hello. I don’t know who or what I’m directing this to but I’ll just pretend there’s someone actually reading this. Temptation is a strong fundamental desire that doesn’t always have our best interest. Like that time you look in the mirror wishing you haven't had that donut for lunch, or that other time when you turn and toss, only to find yourself not being able to sleep at 4am from the nap you had earlier that day.

I feel like shit right now. I had oily ass bacon for breakfast, cup noodles for brunch, pepperoni pizza for lunch, ice cream cone for dessert, almond soy bean milk as my “work drink”, only to transition my day into a nap.

I feel bloated as fuck and my pimples are having the time of their lives, meeting new friends and such.

So this only leads me to my usual routine of self hatred and disgust for a solid hour, drotting down what the rest of my day will look like just to fool myself to thinking I’m productive, and get on Tumblr to waste more time complaining about my day!

Okay, but here’s the deal. I really do want to get better again. I stopped working out ever since my gym closed down from that fucking coronavirus (yes, I am that spoiled and self centered only to be complaining about my gym closing during this time of crisis) which has been a couple of months now.

I had diet fillers on my chin area to get rid of my chin fat right before the quarantine. That was a fucking waste of money since my double chin is back.

Anyway, my point is that I want to be somewhat sane again. My mind is literally going crazy over being stuck at home and I clearly don’t love my body enough judging by how I’ve been treating it.

I put a face mask earlier today. That’s a change. I’m going to work out starting NOW. In like a few hours. And I’m going to document the progress and process because I want to see the change and actually hold myself accountable if I don’t go through with this.

So this is the plan.

1. I am 51.8kg (114.2 pounds) right now. My goal weight is 48kg (105 pounds). Okay, so basically my goal is to lose around 10 pounds.

2. I just started an art instagram. Try to post three times a week. I want to have 10 followers by the end of May. And NOT by asking my limited amount of friends to follow. I want to connect with real strangers who are really there for my art.

3. My fucked up skin. Let’s try to clear that out as soon as possible as well. I know I have oily skin and a huge part of that comes down to what I consume. Let’s fucking please stay away from oily and salty food. Drinks permitted is only water, tea, and sometimes alcohol.

4. Speaking of alcohol, try to stay away from that. Which I’m doing a good job of these days because I’m “social distancing” (no friends). I’m going out tomorrow though but let’s really try to keep it like max 3 drinking nights per month. MAX. preferably once to none.

5. You can never single out alcohol when you’re a smoker. Hi, hello, I’m a smoker. I’ll write a post going more in depth about my smoking journey. Long story short, I’ve been smoking since August of 2013. So like 7 years already. I genuinely don’t know why I started it. Actually that’s a lie, I got into it because I thought it looked cool and I wanted to fit in. Sad, sad weakling I was. Anyway, I’m going to QUIT. I literally say this like merry Christmas to the point my friends just roll their eyes at me whenever I say this. Like, let’s really try to make this a reality instead of this having to be that time I cried wolf again. LIKE PLEASE. For yourself, man. You know you’re getting old and it’s not like you have any more health to spare.

6. Work on my art project. You know which one I mean. I want to keep it on the down low. To roughly plan, I want to work on my portfolio around June July and August. but by June, let’s focus on instagram, enhancing my drawing skills from proko, and this personal art project I’m not going to specifically go into because it’s confidential. Let’s call it Arty. So yeah, finish Arty.

7. My relationships. Mind you, I’ve never seen a therapist because I’m not financially independent and it’s a taboo subject to bring up in Asian culture. At least with my family. So no, I haven’t been professionally diagnosed, but who needs a doctor when we have google, right? So to preface, this is not a legitimate claim I’m making. But I strongly think and believe that I have anxiety; especially social anxiety and an avoidant personality disorder. I definitely deal with SOMETHING-I do plan on going to a therapist the moment I get the chance to, which is hopefully, soon. Anyway, getting back on topic. I want to work on my relationships with my friends and family because I’ve literally been in my shell for the past couple of months. Avoiding people at all costs. Not healthy at all.

8. My mental health. Probably the most important one. If this was a meat house and I could grade my health, I would give it a B+. Definitely not a S, not exactly an A either-but on the fence between A and B. Not quite A- but more of a B+. I don't have any serious health issues but I’m not great either. I feel slightly uncomfortable when breathing, my mind is foggy, and I think I might have hemorrhoids soon. Literally keeps me up at night because it frightens me-I constantly flex my butthole just in case things might peep out (sorry for the TMI but this is my fucking blog so deal) (me still pretending like someone’s actually still reading this shit post) I lose sleep over it, don’t even get me started. Anyway, if my body health is a B+, my mental health is probably around a B-. I don’t think it’s around the C level, but it’s definitely below average (average being a B). It’s at the verge of either becoming average or enter into the C level. A or S is obviously out of reach with my potential right now. But I want to get to an A; possibly to a S some day. Some day. A girl can dream. Anyway, how I want to go about this is to keep writing on this blog. Because I have a fake ass personality, I literally hide my real self to everybody. Kinda psycho like that. At least this little spot can be my safe space where I can get all my genuine shit out. To be serious for 2 seconds, I think I’m fake to people these days because I don’t feel comfortable being completely myself. My self esteem really plummeted after I graduated high school. I’ve been shushing myself internally too-shaming myself about how stupid and weird I sound. I’ve been trying to press down all my negative judgements and thoughts because I didn't want to spread that kind of energy to other people which made me be fake positive all the time. That can be really fucking suffocating, guys. Those of you who know what I mean say I.

Anyway, I want to find my color again. I think I’ve been shushing and shaming myself for so long, I don't even know who I am anymore. Hopefully writing like this helps. And apparently physically working out does as well. Let’s try to aim everyday, maybe a lazy day per week.

Side note-Kakaotalk keeps spamming me about the sakura flowers and how beautiful it is, suggesting me to go see it. Um, hello. Can you stop harassing me with these insensitive messages? Some people don’t have friends to go with. And it’s quarantine season? Are you dumb?

9. My looks. which goes under self care as well. I’m not gonna lie, I think I’m a fairly okay looking girl. I’m going to change my makeup style because after not putting on makeup for so long and looking back at my old photos, I’ve seen my bare face for so long, I grew fresh pair of eyes to see how I REALLY looked prior to this quarantine. And I finally got what people meant by “your makeup looks obnoxious.” Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE makeup. I’ve loved makeup ever since I was a sophomore in high school. I follow many of the beauty gurus (how they used to call it back in the days. I think people call them beauty influencers or makeup artists now) from youtube and Sephora was my second home. My broke ass owns like majority of the urban decay naked palettes in exchange for eating kimchi and eggs for weeks with my poor college student self in exchange. Poor college student with a BEAT makeup look though.

Anyway, the point I want to get across is that I respect and love ANY form of self expression. There is no such thing as too much or too less (is that even a word) makeup as long as YOU feel good in it. I personally did and I enjoyed my extra caked face. But not anymore. Maybe on some occasions, but I just don’t feel like that’s me anymore. So I need a new make up look, and I literally want new clothes. I hate my freaking outfits. Going to invest in some soon.

I can’t really think of anything else. I want to go in further with some of the topics I’ve tackled today but I think that’s enough journal writing for today. If I think of anything else, I can always update later. I just fucking pray I don't get hemorrhoids. I don’t have it now but I’m just so paranoid because I literally sit down 25/8 and apparently sitting for an extended period of time continuously can cause hemorrhoids. And for some reason I keep feeling like I’m going to get it soon. Like my butthole low-key feels a little weird at times. Hopefully I’m okay.

#journal #selfcare #goingcrazy #self reflection #hate myself #thoughts #plans #life

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womenofcolor15 · 4 years

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GA Tech Football Recruit Bryce Gowdy’s Mom Reveals He Committed Suicide, Family Was Homeless In Heartbreaking Video

The mother of Georgia Tech football recruit Bryce Gowdy is mourning the death of her son, posting up a Facebook Live video detailing what led to his suicide, including family homelessness and emotional distraughtness. The heartbreaking details are inside…

The mother of Bryce Gowdy - a standout wide receiver and defensive back for the Deerfield Beach High School Bucks who was headed to Georgia Tech on a full football scholarship – has confirmed her son committed suicide after it was reported he was fatally stuck by a freight train.

Around 4AM on December 30th in his hometown of Deerfield Beach, the 17-year-old was killed by an oncoming freight train. It’s now being revealed Bryce – who had a promising future – took his own life a week before he was set to start GA Tech as a freshman.

According to CNN, the Broward County Medical Examiner's office ruled the manner of death as suicide, listing the cause as blunt force injuries.

His mother, Shibbon Winelle, took to Facebook Live to share the moments that led up to his untimely and unfortunate death.

In an 11-minute video, Bryce’s mom – who also has two younger sons – opened up about how Bryce started “talking crazy” after learning they had become homeless “again.”

“A few days ago, Bryce was talking crazy,” she said in the Facebook Live recording. “He kept talking about the signs and the symbols that he was seeing all over the place. And that, he could see the world for what it really was. He kept saying he could see people for who they really are,” she explained while sobbing.

”He was happy though. He was talking about his future. He was talking about going to Georgia Tech and we were having a lot of spiritual conversations … he had a lot of questions. He had a lot of questions about spirituality and life. He kept asking me if I was OK and if his brothers were going to be OK and I kept telling him yeah.”

The mother-of-three said she was having a hard time dealing with being homeless and wondering how she would provide for her three children on top of Bryce’s irregular behavior at the time. She later said she had "begged for help for months."

”All day. We sat in the car all day yesterday because we didn’t have anywhere else to go. And he sat next to me all day, just talking. And I was stressed out. I was too stressed to really deal with it. I kept telling him I had just started my period and we were on the streets again. Homeless. The little job I got wasn’t paying me all my money on time or in full and I was so stressed out about taking care of my kids,” she wept.

Around 10pm, she finally was able to get them a hotel room, but they were waiting for her other son to get off of work.

“And I told him, I said Bryce, you have to dig within and fight these demons that you’re fighting.’ I told him I wasn’t strong enough to help him right now. That I had my own demons I was trying to fight. He was stressing me out so much that I started getting chest pains.

When they got to the hotel, she said her two eldest sons went up to the room while she stayed in the car to decompress “because Bryce just kept going, going, going.”

"Bryce came back downstairs and sat with him and I started telling him that he needed to get it together and toughen up. Get his mind right. He tried to hold my hand and I told him no because he had me SO upset. So anxious. I told him I can’t deal with that energy right now baby. I wouldn’t let him grab my hand, I wouldn’t let him hold my hand because his energy was so intense. I could feel the pain in his soul and it was breaking my heart.”

The mother-of-three said they went back upstairs to the hotel room and one of her son’s were already sleeping. She said Bryce kept checking on her asking if she would be OK and she told him yeah, she just needed to calm down. Thirty minutes later, she came out the bathroom and she asked Bryce to go downstairs to get her favorite blanket because it was cold in the hotel room.

After twenty minutes, she didn’t see him, so she went to the car. She went downstairs and checked the car and the blanket was gone, so she knew he went to the car, but she couldn’t find him. She went back to the room and saw he left his phone, wallet and his shoes. She sat there for about twenty minutes thinking he would come back, but “he still didn’t show up.”

She got her other son to start looking for him and she said she felt something in her soul, “I just started balling crying.” She said she knew in her heart her son wasn’t OK.

”He talked to his dad yesterday and that’s when it got worse. It got worse after he talked to his dad. Before he talked to his dad, he was just talking for a few days… just talking in circles, about life, about the things that we were going through as a family over the last couple of months being homeless. About the things he had to see me go through because we were homeless. After he talked to his dad, he started getting paranoid. He started talking about not being trapped by doors and mirrors.

The morning he disappeared, she texted his dad, “I wish you would just disappear from our lives forever. At that moment, I knew something was wrong with my baby.”

She said she woke up at 7AM the next day after crying herself to sleep around 4 AM. Still no sign of Bryce, she started contacting family and friends to see if they had heard from him. She spoke with her brother and she told him there was a report that someone got hit by a train at 4 in the morning and she said in her heart she knew it was her son. She said she went to the hospital and she couldn’t stop crying because she knew it was her baby.

Finally, the nurse walked up to her and handed her the number of a police detective. They identified the body and it was her son.

”My baby walked in front of a train and killed himself!,” she screamed. “I’ve been begging for help for months. For months I’ve been begging for help,” she sobbed.

Then, the streaming ended. So heartbreaking.

Watch below:

youtube

People have been setting up fake GoFundMe accounts since Bryce's death. His mother has been posting the official account on her Facebook page:

People have been reacting to the suicide news on Twitter, expressing how you NEVER know what someone is going through:

PLEASE read the story. Poverty plays a big part in this story. So, when you say these kids should just be happy with some freakin free books and classes, Just know, you’re CLUELESS about their real lives https://t.co/tCbpWJc4OO

— FOST (@GeorgeFoster72) January 1, 2020

This Bryce Gowdy situation is a prime example of no matter how good someone's life may appear, internally it could be a nightmare. If you need help, please don't be afraid to talk to someone. Your life is far more precious than you'll ever know.

— Jay (@The2ndBrown) December 31, 2019

This story wracks me with grief. It is nearly impossible to find assistance for young people in mental health crisis. The last quarter of 2019 my nephew threatened to end his life and we had no recourse or resources to help. We deserve a better system. https://t.co/muicDkkeJx

— Poor But Privileged (@luvthispayne) January 1, 2020

So much about this story is heartbreaking and shows how evil capitalism is. // https://t.co/Bbu1k5iDya

— RISE UP WORKING CLASS (@AFlyBlackCommie) January 1, 2020

Bryce Gowdy is NOT an anomaly. We have to do better as a country when it comes to mental health & especially our children.

— The Ms T (@6OnTheWay) January 1, 2020

If you, or anyone you know, is struggling with anything, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to speak with a trained crisis counselor. Prayers up for Bryce's family and friends during this tragic time.

Photo: Bryce's IG

[Read More ...] source http://theybf.com/2020/01/01/ga-tech-football-recruit-bryce-gowdy%E2%80%99s-mom-reveals-he-committed-suicide-in-heartbreaking-

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