#Im half joking but when i think about it like... 90% of my friends are excited about them 😭

[mrfoox]

Sorry but if you're not somewhat obsessed with my cats we aren't going to be able to talk on a regular basis /:

[garden-of-thoughts-fruit-of-lips]

"I57" (part one)

My friends and I were coming back from a private party in Chicago. Ludacris crew was there, but we had got invited through a friend named Ryan who's an artist. The party was a promotion party. A celebration for one of their artist. Before we left the party, Ryan came up to me and said, "Drive safe and stay blessed." I didn't think nothing of it at the time, but I'm like,"alrighty."

I was driving, Eric was in the passenger seat, Torris, Bret, and Trell were in the back. Trell was sitting behind the driver seat. I'm on highway, "I 57" going at least 90-95mph, trying to get home in record time. We have been on the road for about 25 minutes. I'm talking through my headphones, updating a friend named Vinnie on the night since he couldn't come with us. Everyone else in the car was joking and all talking about how good the party was. I57 merged itself from a 3 lane highway into a 2 lane highway. Im now driving in the passing lane (left lane). Around this time is when I noticed all the cars in front of me were switching to the right lane. One after another, like a chain reaction. Which struck me as odd. We were all traveling around the same speed. I'm not putting much thought into it by putting it in my short-term memory.

About 30 seconds later, I was driving around a curve, and my thoughts became focused on the cars driving in the opposite lane. Some of the cars' headlights look like they were driving on my side of the road due to the curve. Ironically, there was an actual car driving on the wrong side of the road headed straight towards me! By the time my brain registered what was happening, like a reflex, my hands were already turning the wheel to get in the right lane. We ended up missing the car by half a second. That car had to be going over 100mph because I noticed the car from a distance of 2 football fields and in a blink of an eye that car headlights became so bright it lit up the inside of my car.

Nobody really didn't know what had happened. Besides that they whole body just "jumped" in the middle of their conversations, "What da fuck yo!!" and "Damn!!" they were saying as they reposition themselves in the seat. Only people who grasp what just happened were Trell and Eric. Because of knowing, the screaming began to become level and calm as we were all reasoning on what just happened.

I never stopped driving. Still in shock about what had happened contemplating, "All five of us could have lost our lives in a tenth of a second!" I had got off the phone to be more focused, to get us all home safe. My eyes became focused on all the car headlights. Any light that would shine my eyes would pick it up. Here's the strange thing about this story. As I'm driving about minutes after the scare. There was an all white, bright light, shaped as a small sphere. I first noticed from my left peripheral, "What duh?" I thought. And this light flew from my left side to straight in front of me, than to my right side, and I stared at it the whole time as it flew off out of my sight in the cornfield. Left me with this question in my head, "What was that?"

So I asked the question to everyone in the car who were all still wild up and conversing and reasoning on what had happened. "Man! Bro, did anyone just see that shit?" I asked. Choosing that choice of words purposely. Because I literally thought I was losing it, and I knew if anyone said that they saw the same thing, then I was not tripping. One by one, everyone nodded in agreement when the words were said, "See what? That car that almost hit us?" Except Trell, who were sitting behind the driver seat. He said, "You talking about that white ball of light that flew pass the car into the cornfield?" Even describing in detail by pointing his finger from left waving it to his right in the same movement in which I saw it from. That's when I knew I wasn't tripping. We all agreed that day at that very moment that we were all still alive because of God, and that was an angel of God. In all reality, when I turned the wheel, my brain didn't even pick up on what was fully going on, but I was already turning the wheel before I had processed what happened. That saying comes to mind "Let Jesus take the wheel."

Everything from that night. That was in my short-term memory. Was moved to my long-term memory. But even after witnessing this, I still didn't take take it to heart. That Trell saw the same thing I saw and all five of us having a near death experience. Even though we were saved from a crash. I selfishly unknowingly continued to live my life on a crashing course.

[stanlunter]

i have an honest question for you. this is not meant to be a gotcha or accuse you of homophobia, just based on observing your post history of wlw vs wlm ships out of curiosity.

are there any wlw ships in cartoons that you actually do like the portrayal of?

Thanks for a question!

And yes, obviously. Actually, I posted a lot about them, so It's strange if you haven't seen it, but yeah. I understand where your answer is coming from since I do critic some wlw media and made a post about a wlw dynamic I don't like. Tbh, It's a problem for me too, bc I don't get enought of my "wlw ships type" in media and that's basically why Im complaining about it, bc every It's either bad-written or is so cliche that's it even boring. Also the problem is that I do love wlm ships as well and a lot of people say that "wlw is always better than wlm" even tho there are many good and bad examples of both of them and I think It's wrong to say smth is better just bc It's queer, even tho I am wlw myself. The "critic" wasn't towards wlw, but towards the most popular dynamic (sun x moon) that I don't like and the way people ignore others dynamics just for this one is sad to me, since bc of it I don't have enought representation of wlw ships I love, bc all of them either don't become a couple, or break up, or one of them dies (or all of these at the same time) and almost all ships that became canon have that dynamic I dislike. And at the same time it was also a joke bc It's actually true that like 80% of all wlw ships are basically the same, so It's funny to hear from their fans that all wlm ships are the same

"Are there any wlw ships in cartoons that you actually like the portray of?"

Do you mean canon or fanon?

As someone who generally in like 90% of the cases prefers fan ships over canon ones, regardless of if it's wlw, wlm or mlm, I obviously have much more fanon or half-canon favourite wlw ships, including those, where one of the characters is dead, there are some I like:

My favourite wlw ship and spop otp of all time is Scorptra. I absolutely adore everything about it and I really think they should have been stayed in Crimson waste. Some years ago I had a huge fixation on it and tbh, if I've discovered Tumbler to myself at that time, my acc would definitely be full of them and I would call myself "stanscorptra", lol. And the fact that they didn't become canon for the sake of the ship I hate - catradora, makes it even worse to me. (Scorpia x Catra from She-ra and the princess of power)

Yumihisu. That's my favourite ship from aot, Im actually glad It's popular in the fandom. I really love everything about them and the way they ended up is actually heart-breaking. In the finale of s2 I actually wanted to start killing people just bc Ymir decided to help Rainer and Berth instead od staying with Historia. And every time I rewatch it, I feel the same, bc they did have a chance to be happy together at least for some years.

It's basically canon and it was confirmed that they both love each other, but since Ymir died, I'm not sure if it is considered as actually canon since they werent actual dating (Ymir x Historia from Attack on titan)

Nanichiru, or whatever name they have, bc the fandom still hasnt decided it.

That was one of my first anime ships, I even thought It's canon and basically when I saw them together, I thought Nana is canon lesbian, which was so clear to me when I compare her with men and her with Michiru. Idk if they supposed to be "just friends", or wlw-coded, but I do consider them as a half canon anyways, bc, let's be real, if one of them was a guy, everyone would know It's canon. I absolutely love their dynamic and the way their relationship affected Nana and made her doubt her goal and actually understand that some of the people with talents are good people. Michiru changed everything for Nana and was her light in the dark, but ofc, how it always is, they didn't develop relationship and one of them died. (Nana x Michiru form Talentless Nana)

Mitsunoa. I am not obsessed with its depth, bc, ngl, they don't have such deep relationship as others, but I do love their dynamic and all of their interactions. Their homoerotic friendship and all the hints make me giggle and if we consider Mikayuu as "basically canon", than I will consider Mitsunoa as basically canon too (especially after the bath scene), bc these girls deserve the best things and they are the best things for each other. (Mitsuba and Shinoa from Seraph of the end)

Togachako. I still haven't finished the manga, so I'm not sure about what heppend with them in the end, I've only seen some spoilers. But I do love their enemies to lovers dynamic, which, unlike some other ships of this trope, isn't a romantization of abuse, but actual enemies to lovers. I doubt it has chances to actually become canon. But I still love the way their relationship was written. Uraraka is the only one who thinks Toga is cute and a pretty girl, not just a crazy monster. I absolutely love the line when she says Toga that she's the cutest girl in the whole world. I love that Toga says her feelings for Uraraka are real and that she made her happy. Toga sees her as basically a comfort person (??), someone who's love and appreciation she wants to get, someone who can save her from the hateness to herself and the world. I just want Toga to be happy with someone who can see her. Also, have you seen how mangaka draws them together?? He's either their biggest shipper, or a queerbaiter, Idk (Toga x Uraraka from My hero academy)

Also Ruby x Penny from Rwby, Webby x Lena from Duck Tales, Perfuma x Huntara from she-ra, Anne and Sasha from Amphibia, Sunset x Sci-Twi from Equestria girls, Sae-Byeok x Ji-Yeong form Squid game and others

As for canon ships, there are fewer ones, but yeah, I do have favourite wlw ships that are canon:

Menokari. Their relationship is really beautiful, It's actually similar to Nanichiru, but is gayer. I found it thanks to Talentless Nana as well, and Im glad I did. It may be seems too cliche for some people, but I think It's adorable, dramatic and well-writen. Definitely my favourite wlw anime (Menou x Akari from The Executor and her way of living)

Ellieriley. Unfortunately there are not enought scenes with them, but those we have is enought for me to love them. Riley was Ellie's first love and probably her lesbian awaking. I love their dynamic so much and I want to see more of them and I wanted them to live a happy life. I do like Ellie x Dina too, but I love her relationship with Riley much more. Riley's death has broken my heart. But at least I'm glad that they did have a kiss scene before it, that's why I do consider it as canon, unlike Yumihisu, since a lot of people for some reason are still arguing over it (Ellie x Riley from The last of us)

Spinetossa. Even tho this ship is far not the main one, I love it much more than the main canon ones. Netossa cares about her wife so much. They know each other for so long and still love each other so much. They're so cute and so sweet, that I was worrying for their relationship during s5 the most. And It's funny how Chaggie fans use "they're together for a long time" to justify the fact that Vivziepop has written them so poorly and that they look more like just friends, just bc of that, since these two exist and they actually do look like a married couple, not like just friends (Spinerella x Netossa from She-ra)

Harlivy

I ship these two in every universe. Even tho the Harley Quinn show has flaws, I still love their dynamic, yeah, even despite it being "one of those I have brought up in that post", I still ship them and think they're cute. I love that Harley has fully recovered from her relationship with Joker and that Ivy has found her true love, someone she can spend the rest of her life with (Harley x Ivy from Harley Quinn show and DC comics/cartoons)

Korrasami

I never was one of those people who say Korrasami was rushed. Yeah, the creators couldnt fully show them in the show, but they did in the comics and I haven't seen anyone who has read them and said they're bad-written. The comics show them so well, It's amazing, healthy and one of the best wlw representations I've seen! (Korra x Asami from The legend of Korra)

Obviously, that's not all of them, but those I love the most. Some of other canon wlw couples I love are: Bubblegum x Marcelin from Adventure time, Apple x Darling from Every after high, Haruka x Michiru from Sailor moon, Utena x Anthy from Revolutionary girl Utena, Kirari x Sayaka from Kakegurui, Ruby x Sapphire form Steven Universe, Vi x Caitlyn from Arcane, Sara x Nyssa from Arrow and Jennifer x Needy form Jennifer's body (I know the last two are not animated, but I still wanna include them)

So, yeah, there are a lot of wlw canon and popular ships I dislike or critic, which isn't because I hate wlw, but bc I love it and want it to be written better and be more various, than just "sun x moon", since there are a lot of so different wlm and mlm dynamics, while for wlw It's almost always either the same, or is just problematic, like Catradora. Tbh, as far as I remember, the only wlw ships I wrote bad things about were Lumity and Catradora, besides that post, so I don't know why exactly you thought it means I dislike all or most of the wlw ships, but I don't anyways

[wolfisland]

27 & 28!

27: a description of the person i love

my fiance! ive been talking about my wife (and partner system as a whole but right now this is about my wife) a lot lately and i will continue to do so.

anyways, shes pretty short (we have a 6 inch height difference lol) and very soft looking and has really gentle features. she has wavy/curly dark hair that she usually wears in a claw clip. she has these fucking gorgeous dark brown downturned eyes with long lashes and they get kind of puffy when shes tired and its so cute. lots of really cool tattoos (she has a half sleeve and this super sick thigh piece. we also have matching pinky tattoos) and a nose ring and round glasses. usually wears a lot of darker colours, but my favourite go to outfit of hers lately is a long dark pleated skirt and turtleneck because its winter and she looks like an alt girl from a 90s movie. super into it.

she has a beauty spot on the opposite cheek to me and she has dimples when she smiles and perfect teeth because she had braces. she does the megan thee stallion smile lol. shes gorgeous. like shes genuinely so beautiful. her eyes are my favourite eyes in the whole world. i realised so many of the characters i design to be love interests for mine have similarities to her as well, and that started before we even got together 😭 before i even realised i liked her.

shes so fucking funny and literally endlessly kind. im not someone with a lot of social stamina but i spend most of my day with her and i never get tired of being around her. we have the stupidest in jokes and the dumbest exchanges and i constantly say we have a silly relationship because we DO. we have so much fun together. i love hyping her up and im so proud that shes mine. she makes me a better person and i write fucking poetry about her man. shes literally my best friend in the whole world and she has been since i was like 18. shes always so supportive and shes incredibly fucking smart too, shes in stem and when we hang out while she studies im just in awe at how clever she is. i love her music taste, i love that we bond over it. i love that she gets me and i get her and it feels kind of like even if the rest of the world is against me at least shes always on my team, and im always on hers.

ive changed a lot since we first got together, quite drastically too, and sure shes changed too but ive pretty much done a total 180 as a person from who i used to be (for the better though) but shes always been so patient about loving each person i grow to be. i think we complement each other really well. we generally cover each others bases and what i struggle with shes usually pretty good at and vice versa. we make each other stronger i think. i love taking care of her and she takes really good care of me. just being around her makes my day better. i really cant wait til we like actually live together.

i know this is like barely a description at this point and just me rambling but i could really talk about her for hours. i sometimes do just straight up.

basically tl;dr i love my hot smart fun kind wife

28: a description of a person i hate

too many to count. insert random white person whos Wronged me here.

wanna be nosy? here's your chance!

[jerrydevine]

ok movie may rankingsssss its quite frankly soooo fucking long so i put it under a read more :) MWAH

31. moonage daydream 2022 um so when todd haynes basically said that reagan being in power was david bowies fault in velvet goldmine i get what he was saying when i watched the second half of this. it was so annoying listening to bowie talk about how he was like crazyyyy back then now hes normal (annoying and not in a fun way) boo

30. ladies and gentlemen, the fabulous stains 1982. ok this was actually a flop i wanted to like it so bad but i did not. boo

29. the daytrippers 1996. this was such a movie my indie snob cousin loves. it kind of felt like a long ass seinfeld episode. sorry women. the gay reveal was not. fun. it was 90s straight people trying to do a twist :/

28. muppet treasure island 1996 was ok. it was no the great muppet caper ..

27. spontaneous 2020 i did cry because of this movie i thought it was just gonna be a silly heheh good bad movie but i did cry. and they played forth of july sufjan stevens :(

all the movies after here i would rewatch and i liked :) i had a good movie may !!

26. descendants 2 2017 was not as good as descendants 1 or 3 to me now .. but thats ok they literally had chillin like a villain and the letterkenny guy

25. descendants 3 2019. hmmm i wanna keep her by descendants 2 just so theyre not lonely in this list. the plot was like ok mal having to do her morality thing again thats ok. evie was soooooo izzy lightwood and her loser ass march band boyfriend was sooo simon :)

24. murder on the orient express 1974 was better than death on the nile 1978 and there was a character with my name :) but i think i do not care as much about agatha christie mysteries as i thought i would. thats ok :)

23. arrival 2016 is prob one of the first times i knew about the specific field of the protag and it made me so mad because i spent the whole movie like. she would not fucking do that. she would not say that. come on. and of course the u.s. propaganda was like a frontal migraine but i guess it was good

22. the handmaiden 2016. why didnt anyone tell me about. you know. the plot of the movie. great lesbian sex but what the hell wasall that. 

21. donnie darko 2001 was like ok what . fine ok whatever

20. emma 1996 holy shit i watched a lot of 1996 movies this month. ummmmm ewan was there and it was literally emma. what more do you want me to say. it was good ish :P

19. dungeons & dragons: honor among thieves 2023 was so long no movie should be longer than 2 hours but it did feel like playing d&d with my buddies and sophia lillis was there :')

18. i know what you did last summer 1997. its like none of you even care that kevin williamson who wrote this AND scream 1996 is literally a gay ass homosexual man. and my friend.

17. red army 2014. i feel like this should be its own other thing because it was just a movie i would watch at 15 to learn as much about hockey as humanly possible. and not for fun for like mental illness reasons. anyway hockey :)

16. crip camp: a disability revolution 2020 is like red army 2014 like. informative and interesting documentary ! not able to rank it with fiction films i dont think so dont take its spot too seriously.

15. poison 1991. dont worry about it im just studying todd haynes and this movie was not as good as other movies i watched this month but actually its the best movie ever after velvet goldmine. or not its not in my top 3 todd movies of all time but thats ok it still set up many of the things he talks about in his later films esp the connection between the horror section and safe 1995 :)

14. the secret world of arrietty 2010. i didnt watch this until this year bc it was released just after when i would sit down and watch a new little ghibli movie. i wanted to rewatch totoro more than watch new ones.but it WAS the borrowers sooo fun :)

13. monty python and the holy grail 1975. they made lancelot soooooooo ugly which was like a joke in itself to me because lancelot would never look like that. but umm yeah my dad loves this movie and so many little jokes i thought were just family jokes were actually from this movie hehehe

12. the great muppet caper 1981 literally had peter falk in it and they knew they were in a silly movie and they kept saying kermit and fozzie were twins it was so silly and fun :)

11. seven up! 1964. british people getting studied is literally so real and true. i cant wait to continue in the series and see how these kids change.. 

10. some like it hot 1959. I NEED TO WATCH MORE MARILYN MONROE MOVIES ASAP BTW THIS MOVIE ROCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. this is spinal tap 1984. ummm yeah this was good. very good even. and christopher guest from my movies was there doing a horrible accent it was awesome :)

8. dottie gets spanked 1993. okok this is my todd haynes auteur studies and it is such a short film that foreshadows his future work i love you forever and ever my best friend todd haynes :D!!!!!!!!!!

7. videodrome 1983 had crazyyyyyyyyyyyy special effects i enjoyed the blowing up bodies and the tvs trying to kill you and the toronto..

6. big eden 2000 i wish they didnt have that whole plot with his high school bestie that was annoying and not whimsy but everything else and i mean EVERYTHING else was sooooo good and beautiful and i love you movie

5. elvira's haunted hills 2001 YIPPEE ELVIRA!!!!!!! RIFF RAFF WAS THERE!!! she talked like she was still a 2000s california girl but in 1850s europe it was awesome

4. rye lane 2023 was sooooo good and love is real and i need to go to england or i will die . woah that was an anglophile ass sentence but its true.

3. stardust 2007 YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO basically thats it. it was a movie that loves whimsy and the power of love. beth please watch it i mean it you would love it soooooo much 

2. the watermelon woman 1996 i love you lesbians i love you movies i love you movie lesbians. everyone should watch it its soooo good

1. velvet goldmine 1998 my best friend forever of course no one could be better <33

[suugrbunz]

hi girly!!

1. love love your stuff

2. hope you’re doing well fr

3. could i pls request a bob ship?

appearance wise i’m 5’5 with an average build. ngl i’m a little heavy on the top iykwim so my back always hurts fr. LOL anyways i have blue/green eyes and brown hair that has like goldfish highlights in the sun. i’m half asian half white so do with that what you will. i’m pretty pale honestly oh and my hair is long, like almost to my butt long. id like to think i have a nice smile lol and i love making a pouty face, it’s just so fun.

personality wise i’m an ENFP-T so i’m naturally extroverted and outgoing. i make friends wherever i go and i’m a great people person. i can hold conversations with really anyone and people always tell me i’m very mature and good with adults and older people. i’m also a 2w3 so i tend to be a bit of a people pleaser. i naturally am drawn to leadership positions and taking charge but when i do i often over extend myself trying to accommodate everyone and their every need. i am a generally funny person. sometimes i make a joke that goes too far but i love making others laugh. i also am always complimenting people. i can be insecure myself but i love making others feel good.

i can get into a mood very easily tho. i do my best to hide it but i am very busy so i am not always the greatest in the morning and if i spend too much time around certain people i get cranky. i don’t snap nearly as much as i used too but my friends can tell when something’s off. i hate getting in those moods where im sulking but it happens sometimes. usually after some joking around or spending time with other people i snap out of it. what can i say im stubborn.

i love being involved in school. student council, SPIRIT WEEK, choir, clubs— all that jazz. i’m a pretty good student yk like i have a good rep at school and am pretty well known. i am also a theater kid. i know im sorry. i have been singing for a really long time and it’s like my thing.

i love you sing, dance, act, read, write, listen to music, shop, and spend time with people. my love language is for sure quality time but i do love words of affirmation. i often get called an “old soul” because i am very sentimental with old school values and i am drawn to anything 40s-90s. i am a die hard 80s music and movie fan and my friends think it’s funny im so obsessed with the classics (if you couldnt tell i am a history and english nerd, my close friend calls me her “favorite history buff”) but yeah i love spending time with others. me and my dad bond over watching movies together and listening to music and you bet im the life of the party wherever i go. always the first to do or initiate something, jumping onto the dance floor first and being the last too leave — i don’t like missing out so i take all the chances i can.

anyways i hope that’s enough info and i’m sorry if that’s too much or i rambled. honestly id be grateful if you even read up to this point. if you get a chance to write a ship i would really appreciate it but if not i totally understand!! no pressure whatsoever. thank you bestie boo :)💛💛

I've not felt quite that happy in the past week for numerous reasons. I think with time I'll be fine. Dumb memories, yknow? I know what you mean I'm heavy on top as well lmao. I like the way you speak. You seem really exciting. Thanks for the request

here's your ship!! (🚢)

꒰ I ship you with . . . Floyd Talbert ৎ୭ ꒱

A mutual friend decided to hold a party that was themed to a 1950s sock hop. Dancing to 1950s music was an ideal situation for you especially with the fashion you'd dawn. It seems absolutely perfect, right?

In the corner of the dance hall, he kept glancing at your. Sure, he could probably dance with anyone he'd want to but he had formed a soft spot for you. Even if he didn't know you. Something about your energy was so lovely.

He fell from the start, something about you was... Well, he couldn't put his finger on it but he knew you two were meant to have a relationship... Even if he has some red flags (he comes off a bit player-ish but it's ok)

Your first date is shortly after your first meeting; The way you two met was romantic and by the end of the night had been obviously flirting. So, he asked for your number and when it'd be best to call you.

You two ended up planning the date at the local mall; There's an arcade and theatre nearby, plus mall food. So you two can window shop, go play games, or maybe watch a movie. Maybe all of the above. It seems quite wholesome.

Floyd kissed you goodnight, it wasn't on the lips. That'd be too much at a far too quick rate. He kissed your forehead and for a moment you saw him blush. It's been quite clear he isn't shy, but hey, he's got a soft spot for you. And he can't hide blush.

Your second first kiss— aka your real first kiss...

You initiated it. You gave his lips a quick peck at the end of one of your dates. He was awestruck by the feelings that fluttered around his stomach. You were everything he wanted to fall in love with. You're the measure of his dreams.

The song that represents you two is ; I Saw Her Standing There by The Beatles (pretty cute for you two <3)

[hello-jumping-in-puddles]

mid-year book freak out tag

tagged by @bloody-wonder, thank you!

1. Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2023? 

Deathless by Catherynne M. Valente. i dont even know what to say. i want to sit raptly while someone smarter than me explains all the history and symbolism in this book that i missed. haunting.

2. Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2023? 

partially just because i've read few sequels this year, The Golden Enclaves by Naomi Novik wins. I maintain that Orion is boring as hell after book 1 and I don't care about him but the rest of the book? Delicious. El is so snarky and dark. Ooooh im an evil witch princess im so scary my friends have to hold me back from committing evil (devotes her life to protecting other people) (refuses to live in an enclave because it feels like cheating) (shows up whenever people ask for help even if they suck). also the reveal with the mawmouths was just. such fucking 10/10 writing. the punch of understanding. the way the text gives the reader space to figure it out themself and just go HOLY SHIT.

3. New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To?

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle. I have it downloaded. I am ready.

4. Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2023? 

I have no idea. I just find books when I find them, y'know?

5. Biggest Disappointment?

ironically, the sequel to question 6, The Return of Fitzroy Angursell by Victoria Goddard. after a book which is about a guy whose whole thing is "really good civil servant" this book was just...not what i wanted. it was about a classic singing robin hood style hero who is charming and cool and magical and does adventures and maybe otherwise i would have enjoyed it but how can i read a book set in the world of my favourite bureaucrat Kip and not read about bureaucracy??? only book so far this year i just straight up didnt finish. also, you can only tell the same vague story about how kip made a joke that one time without actually telling the joke before it stops being "backstory" and starts being "the author never actually figured out what the joke was".

6. Biggest Surprise?

The Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard. absolutely bizarre book. there is no real plot other than the emperor preparing for retirement. the first three hundred pages the emperor just. goes on vacation?? i was expecting political intrigue but the political intrigue is 90% just "the rich guys dont like it but our guy, Kip the bureaucrat, is the emperors specialist guy and also extremely stubborn so everyone has to go alone with UBI". the biggest conflict is literally just interpersonal miscommunication but good. i was so hooked it was ridiculous. where did the heterosexuality come from i am perplexed

7. Favorite New Author?

i was about to say catherynne m valente but i actually cant claim that because now i looked her up and ive read other work by her! she did The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making and sequels which were extremely delightful also. so this one goes to Victoria Goddard on the basis of i have apparently read a lot of authors i already know this year

8. Newest Favorite Character?

Cliopher (Kip) Mdang my beloved

9. Newest Fictional Crush?

¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

💕Best Ship💕

¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

okay i guess maybe kip + the emperor? or maybe el + liesel because i was surprisingly a big fan of liesel by the end. though maybe thats just me wanted el to be with someone more interesting than orion.

10. Book That Made You Cry?

i can't actually remember if i cried but Driftwood by Marie Brennan was quite haunting and beautiful and bittersweet

11. Book That Made You Happy? 

Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson. now, all brandon sandersons are at least 30% power of friendship by weight but i really do appreciate that this one was like "yeah no we're saying that part out loud. people are heros because they love their friends anything else is just set dressing"

12. Favorite Book Adaptation You Saw This Year?

i...dont think ive watched any book adaptations this year

13. Favorite Review You’ve Written This Year?

don't write 'em, so n/a

14. Most Beautiful Cover?

im going to say Deathless tho i think i am biased because the book hypnotised me

15. What Books Do You Need To Read By The End of The Year?

so many. Ancillary Justice. I also really should read Nona the Ninth but book 2 was so...eugh. i ravenously devoured a bunch of Pratchett's last month and i am waiting on several more from the library. apparently theres a new murderbot out soon? i should check that out.

tagging @a-fish-bee, @foxsoulcourt if you want to do this one :)

[apple-pecan]

The NeverEnding Story (1984)

although i have not seen this movie in it's entirety until a few nights ago, i do have some history with this film that goes back to my childhood. we had the film on VHS, and while my siblings loved it and sang the theme song repeatedly, i never actually watched most of it because my neurodivergent ass could not sit down and watch an entire 90 minute movie.

flash forward 20 years, and i was cracking jokes to a friend about artax the horse sinking for some bizarre reason (i saw the nostalgia critic video featuring the artax scene), and then realized "huh, you know i haven't actually WATCHED this movie..." and here we are now, writing this awful review. this is considered a classic children's movie among 80's kids, and while i really liked parts of it, i was left feeling unfulfilled.

bastian is a grade school kid going through a shitty time. mom passed away, dad is distant, constantly bullied, the works. his only escape is through books, and he finds a book one day that is truly different from any other, one where he vividly feels the same emotions of the book's main character, atreyu. this is a cool premise and i was excited to see where it was going but when the movie (ironically) ends, i was just like "huh okay..." bastian doesn't really learn anything and a few of the plot threads introduced in the beginning don't really get resolved. i was looking forward to the scene where, maybe, he could reconnect with his father after they both went through a tragic event. after the scene where bastian and his dad briefly talk, his dad never shows up again for the rest of the movie!!! instead he just chases his bullies down the street on a flying dragon and the movie just ENDS!!!!! HUH????????

disappointing ending aside, this movie was pretty enjoyable up until that point. the fantasy world of... fantasia looks really believable and out there with some fun set designs and puppets for it's fantasy characters, namely the rockbiter and falkor. it's very... 80's, but idk i still think it's cool and charming. i also really liked it's music score a lot, with both it's synths and orchestral music; probably my favorite part of the movie. and let's face it that theme song IS super catchy.

apparently the reason the ending feels the way it does is because it only adapts the first half of the book it's based on, and it certainly feels that way considering the painfully unsubtle sequel hook at the very end. in fact, the author of the novel was so displeased with the script he was sent that he demanded they stop the film's production at once, or at least change the title of the movie. of course, they did neither so he tried to sue them. he lost. oops. either way, there are certainly sequels to this but most think they suck and what's worse, they barely take any cues from the rest of the book. oh well! it's a fun, cute movie with a cool meta message about not letting your childhood imagination die out, even if it runs out of steam during the last three minutes. either way im glad to have finally watched it all these years later.

3/5

NOTE: NEVERENDING STORYYYYYYYYYYYYY AHAHAH AHAHAH AHAHAH FUCK YOU THIS SONG IS NEVER LEAVING MY HEAD

[gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream]

Ich habe 8.945 Mal im Jahr 2022 etwas gepostet

5 Einträge erstellt (0%)

8.940 Einträge gerebloggt (100%)

Blogs, die ich am häufigsten gerebloggt habe:

@tarantula-veins

@asher-orion-writes

@tarantula-ash

@evenedelweiss

@dogboydeathgrips

Ich habe 1.578 meiner Einträge im Jahr 2022 getaggt

#&lt;3 – 567 Einträge

#dnd – 295 Einträge

#neon glow – 271 Einträge

#toh – 138 Einträge

#sanders sides – 111 Einträge

#cardinal sins – 90 Einträge

#critical role – 82 Einträge

#yup that's me – 64 Einträge

#for future reference – 49 Einträge

#janus sanders – 48 Einträge

Longest Tag: 112 characters

#and idk what happened exactly but i think the gabriel of the group was like and then when we ate it he was like

Meine Top-Einträge im Jahr 2022:

#5

idk if there's even a remote point of talking to u about my ocs babe, all you do is listen to me talking about my ocs.

Anyway let's talk about Caspian. I know u wanna know about Caspian.

Caspian is a support character to the protagonist of Oak, Ash and Thorn.

He was under Fairweather's care for a while, making him another Siren who is also a pirate (at least part time), as he travelled with her for many, many years.

He is technically a merman, half human and half siren, and has lived peacefully among both humans and Sirens in his 330-year-life span.

Like Fair, he wears a mask to conceal his scales when amongst humans. He has the power of compulsion and weather manipulation, as well as a power completely unique to him - the ability to raise the dead that had drowned at sea. This was a gift to him from the forest after he took over his place as a cardinal sin.

*giggles* I Do wanna know about Caspian!! :D

He sounds absolutely fabulous and intriguing (and I don't know if you ever confirmed my theory, but 👀👀👀)

Also the ability to raise the dead, holy fuck, please say more :0

0 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 25. Oktober 2022

#4

Happy Blorbo Blursday!

For a character of your choice: are there any extremely formative experiences that happened before the book and/or aren't mentioned in the book? If so, what is it, and what effect did it have on them?

Y'know, it took me a while of thinking, bc I'm not currently writing anything, but I am a DM, and as such I always have a story to tell

So! I will go ahead and say if you're part of the Froysil campaign, maybe don't read the next part XD

But there is a character that I'm very excited about introducing! It's name is Moirah and when it was very young it was "sacrificed" to keep an ancient being from wreaking havoc on the world. In reality it made a deal with the being, so they now share one body (the being grants Moirah powers and in turn they get to see the world through its eyes)

0 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 29. Juli 2022

#3

Oh yeah!! I write sometimes and I’ve picked up doodling again too! I really enjoy crafts and photography too but am sadly terrible at both :P

Well then I'll happily invite you to join Three Too Many Fics, originally only a writing server we now welcome all art forms!! We're always happy to have someone new join, and our mods work hard to put out fun prompts regularly :D

0 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 5. Juli 2022

#2

hi!! Do you have any discord servers you would recommend? I’m new to social media as a whole (I’ve lurked on tumblr for ages though) and I’ve been meaning to get more active socially… You seem to be very kind and welcoming so I thought maybe you’d have recommendations? Ty in advance

Hi :0

Honestly I'm not in a lot myself, mostly just friend servers, but if you're interested in writing or art (or crafts, photography, music, cosplay etc) I got a server or two that you might be interested in :0

3 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 5. Juli 2022

Meine #1 des Jahres 2022

You now require being surrounded by plants to live. What plants do you choose?

Jokes on you, I already require that XD

Uhm, succulents for sure, I've got a bunch of babies that I'm trying to rise, then my beloved Diva and, hmmmmm,,, oh yeah, my rubber tree, of course! Maybe some edible ones for cooking?

Oh and definitely chamomile, yarrow, lavender, plantain, ground ivy and chickweed!! Oh and blueweed(/chicory), of course!!

And then a fruit tree or two to round it out, and a field of pumpkins :D

(This is of course assuming I have a proper garden too)

Edit: I forgot about dandelions and daisies and violets and lesser celandine and I'm sure many many more, they just bring me a lot of joy XD

4 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 27. April 2022

Hol dir deinen Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 →

[inkskinned]

"you seem nervous," he said.

"i'm pretty worried." and then i laughed, high and weird and strained.

he nodded at me and i nodded at him and i pressed my hands very hard together, which is what i do when i want to be politely still but i'm nervous and want to move.

"so there's a lot of ways to think about this test," he said, "but for what i'm about to show you - well. let's picture the test is out of 100."

"okay," i said. i had begged him to give me a "half test"; one i could afford out-of-pocket. i had good insurance; behavioral health wasn't offered for me. i'd been paying for a therapist by working 3 jobs; a situation that stressed me out enough i joked she earned her keep. if i took the whole test, the pricetag began at nine hundred and thirty.

robert the learning specialist is nice. robert was referred to me by a friend. i like all his books and his nice chairs and the warm browns he decorates with.

this is a funny story. i think this story is very fucking funny.

he places his hand on the side of the monitor and looks up over it at me. "so, there are diagnostic requirements for each condition to be considered medically significant. nobody really scores lower than, in this example, 30."

okay. i was 25 and ready for this - that all the self-care, self-treatment... it was pointless. it had always been possible: i don't have adhd, im just fucking stupid. im lazy. im the worst student and a terrible friend. everyone was right about me. this was a personality kind of a thing. i was pretending. i was jumping on an internet trend.

"at 60," robert continues, "and - again, these aren't the real numbers - but at 60, we would consider that to be significant enough for diagnosis. after that, we tend to think of it as increasing in severity."

his brows are knit. he looks strained. so i probably got a 14. i probably didn't take it right. im probably the first person on earth to waste three hundred dollars just to be told i broke the test. fuck. they're going to cancel my meds.

robert turns the screen around. there's a graph on it, a bunch of lines and numbers too small for me to read. "here's the diagnostic line, this 60 i talked about". he points to a yellow band, a little bouncy wave close to the middle. "here's the average citizen, at a 37". this is a red one, closer to the bottom. then he points to a blue. "at a 75 to 78, we would consider the situation to be severe. it's not marked, but 90 would be extreme. does this make sense?"

"yes. definitely." more nodding, more hand pressing. i skitter my eyes around the grey shape, trying to find where my results are. maybe along one of the control lines?

"out of a possible score of 100," he says, "you scored ninety-eight."

he points up at the top, a sparkling lime green wiggle. i hadn't seen it; it was too close to the border of the graph. he gently points back-and-forth from yellow to green, like he is breaking bad news to me.

"well," i say. "so i won the test? or is that a bad thing."

"i've been doing this work for over forty years," he tells me, "and never in my whole career have i seen someone score so highly."

"i have adhd," i say.

"well, these are preliminary tests, and it would be unprofessional for me to confirm until we continue to -"

"i super have adhd," i repeat.

he turns the screen back around. "i think it's - i would be remiss not to say that i find it extremely impressive you've been able to structure your life around this in such a way that you have remained undiagnosed until now."

"well," i say. "i did have a feeling." let out a little laugh again. sharp like a bark. "sorry. oh my god. sorry, i don't mean to laugh. it's just. i have," i repeat, "like super severe adhd."

robert rests his hands on his desk and looks at me. he looks sad, even though this whole thing is hysterically funny. "yes. i think that i can confirm that, but, like i said, i have to encourage you to take the whole test and to -"

"i thought," i say, and for some reason i think it's funnier than anything i ever said - "i literally thought i was faking."

"well." he moves the monitor so it isn't between us. "if i might say something? if you're experiencing these symptoms so frequently that your entire life has been structured around preparing for their inevitability - my question is always; why would you be faking? when you are alone, when you are struggling, what is the point of faking? wouldn't you be able to turn it off? once you received the attention or the accolades, wouldn't you stop? you've talked to me about how much you feel this - and i'm quoting you here" he looks at his notes. "... ruins your life. why would you submit to that, without any actual payout?"

"oh my god." i have to text everyone i know about this immediately. "i have adhd. like big. like the biggest. severely."

"well," robert's brows are creasing.

"sorry," i can't stop laughing, "you just - i mean. i just had the stray thought - what if i've faked this so well that the test can't tell that i'm lying?"

[trans-zhongli]

imma drop my genshin HCs and no one can stop me here it goes:

aether (traveler):

- trans guy, identical twins with lumine b4 hormones, pan

- appears 18 yrs old

- i ship him with everyone (playersexual) but he and xiao are bfs :)

lumine (abyss twin):

- cis, pan

- exes with dainsleif (as the MC i ship her with ayaka)

- appears 18 yrs old, the older twin

childe:

- bi, cis

- has freckles

- engaged to zhongli

XINYAN & CHILDE FRIENDSHIP RIGHTS

- 21 yrs old

- area man loses virginity to geo dragon god

zhongli:

- pan, genderfluid

- was married to guizhong (he didn't actually know what marriage was at the time he just knew it was a mortal thing with love and shit and guizhong was very happy that he was participating in mortal culture), now engaged to childe

- appears 27

- exuvia is his true form, he can have half dragon features bcuz im a slut for dragons & zhongli with a dragon tail is fucking adorable. in any form, those white diamond-shaped pupils he has are slit pupils like a lizard

- god he and childe are so fucking horny 24/7 and their oblivious sexually-charged slow burn killed the brain cells of 90% of liyue harbor

skirk (yeah i have skirk headcanons):

- appears 19. if she were a playable character she would use the medium female model

- not decided on sexuality/gender bcuz she hasn't actually been in the game yet but i wanna say ace nb lesbian

- originally from khaenri'ah, avoided curse by being in the abyss, she does not give a shit about the abyss order and wants nothing to do with them

- i don't ship her with anyone, but childe was her only "friend" in the abyss and she regrets ever letting him leave

kaeya:

- nb he/they, pan

- dating albedo :)

- 23 yrs old

yanfei:

- appears 20 yrs old

- trans lesbian

- married hu tao after they dated for only 3 weeks. neither of them regrets it. she made hu tao sign a prenup

- madam ping is basically her grandmother. i know that's canon, but still

- she talks too much and a lot of people think she's annoying. has a mischievous side

xiao:

- has never concerned himself with sexuality or gender labels. he is what he is

- dating aether but it was a very long slow burn

- will actually eat anything cooked by aether

- appears 20 yrs old

ei:

- thinks it's funny to pretend to be the raiden shogun sometimes, but everyone sees right through it

- appears 28 yrs old

- she and miko have been girlfriends for a very very very long time

- cis lesbian

miko:

- cis lesbian

- hopelessly tenderly in love with ei, which she masks behind 50 layers of irony

- appears 29 yrs old

- she jokes about scaramouche being her step-son. gets along really well with venti.

diluc:

- cis, gay

- there's no label for what he and venti have but it's definitely romantic. he's hopelessly in love and hates it. he never actually makes venti pay his tab and pretends he doesn't notice venti stealing from the dawn winery. LOW-KEY his sugar daddy but neither of them realize that's what's going on

- 25 yrs old

venti:

- appears 18 yrs old

- nb gay, he/him

- kind of oblivious to his own relationship with diluc but it doesn't stop him from being a flirty bastard to him

- besties with kaeya, was once besties with guizhong, he and zhongli are "friends" but it's the kind of friendship where venti is constantly on the verge of having a mountain thrown at him (but zhongli secretly appreciates his company, when he isn't doing things that deserve a mountain punishment)

hu tao:

- cis lesbian

- married to yanfei, spent 2 months before they met running away from her every time yanfei tried to approach because she was intimidated by how gorgeous yanfei is. the Liyue Besties had to literally tie her to a chair to get her to meet yanfei and stop pining

- figures out zhongli is an adeptus IMMEDIATELY. hired him because she thought he was hilarious, the fact that he's good at his job is a coincidence

- 19 yrs old

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Honeysuckle

hi i have no self control and really really really love tattoo artist!jaskier so here we are again. this is a prequel to the nipple piercings fic wherein geralt is absolutely smitten from day one. not the same vibe but im telling myself thats to be expected bc these take place like five years apart lol

Warnings: tattoos. if they make you squeamish this is not your fic, swearing, mild anxiety, not much else

___________________

Geralt’s palms were sweating when he walked into the little tattoo shop above his favorite deli. The artist he booked was nice enough in the email, and the front desk gal was sweet on the phone, but he’d never gotten a tattoo before and his anxiety was telling him to run home and bury himself under all the blankets he owned. 

A familiar voice greeted him when he came through the door, “Hey! Sweet, you’re early! Jask is just setting up the chair!” 

The coily brown haired receptionist gestured to a black leather couch across the room and Geralt just barely caught a glimpse of tattooed vines from under her hoodie sleeve. He nodded and smiled, taking a seat and trying not to look so stiff. The receptionist called another artist over and Geralt was surprised when the taller, purple eyed woman wrapped her arms around her shoulders and placed a kiss on her cheek as they looked at the monitor. It was the good kind of surprise, Geralt decided, the kind that sets you at ease when you were gearing up for a fight. The receptionist caught his unintentional smile and winked at him before he suddenly found his nail beds fascinating.

“You Geralt?”

His eyes scanned over the man asking from bottom to top and nearly lost his ability to speak, “Hm? Thats me.”

He looked like he came straight form the Seattle grunge scene in the 90’s, but showered and with beautiful floral blackout sleeves up to the wrists on each arm. It seemed the only color over his whole body was the few yellow buttercups scattered through the pattern, ending in a bouquet of all sorts of plants and flowers and herbs at his collar bones, only slightly covered by his Heathers on Broadway tank. 

He flicked his wispy brown hair out of his unreasonably pretty blue eyes and smiled so brilliantly Geralt had to remember to breathe, “I’m Jaskier. Come on back!”

Geralt gave him a curt nod and stood to follow. 

“I hope you brought shorts, it might be a bitch to walk home in that.” Jaskier said, leading him into one of the rooms down a long hallway.

Geralt was suddenly regretting listening to Lambert. He wanted to melt into the floor when he realized he would have to say this to the beautiful tattoo artist’s face, “They uh… they zip away…”

“Oh my god.” Jaskier breathed, finally looking at Geralt’s knees, “I didn’t even know they made those anymore.”

“I swear to god, my brother wears them for work and told me to-”

Jaskier waved his hand, clearly holding back a smile, “No worries, Ron Stoppable.”

Geralt rolled his eyes but couldn’t keep from smiling, “Do you make a habit of making fun of your clients?”

“Only when I’m sure they can handle it,” he teased, “Now off with the hideous zipper pants, I gotta shave your thigh before I start the drawing.”

Once Geralt was shaved and positioned every which way on the table/chair contraption, he finally got to see the rough sketch. The marker felt cool and tickled the back of his knee, but surprisingly to him, he kept up a relaxed conversation, almost flirting before he thought better of it. 

“Do you like where everything is? Want any more grass? Or flowers? Now’s the time for changes, don’t be shy.” 

Geralt turned his leg this way and that, looking at the little blue and purple marks in a band just above his knee in the mirror, “You’re the professional, what do you think?”

Jaskier took a step back and reached for a roll of paper towels and a bottle of rubbing alcohol, “You said this was your first tattoo right?”

Geralt nodded.

“Okay, one less flower on the back then.”

“Why?”

“It’s one of the most painful places to get tattooed.”

“Keep it. I like it.”

Jaskier raised an eyebrow, “Alright, Hot Shot. Face down, we’ll start there first.”

Holy fuck Jaskier was right. Geralt had a high pain tolerance, but this was a whole different kind of pain. He had his arms crossed under his forehead and was doing his best to take deep, even breaths but Jesus Christ, that little chuckle-fuck just kept going over what felt like the same spot. But hell would freeze over before Geralt tapped out, so he forced his breath out and kept going.

“Why honeysuckle?” Jaskier asked as he sat back to dip the machine in more ink.

Geralt took the opportunity to shift a bit and breathe easy before he lied, “Just picked it.”

Jaskier’s hands were back on his thigh, “You don’t have to tell me, it’s just not something I’m asked to do very often. Never for a first tattoo.”

Geralt’s smile turned into a grimace as the needles were back at his skin. Whether it was his sincerity, pretty eyes, or Geralt’s desperate need for a distraction, he bucked up and answered his question, “My- ah, someone told me to find a reminder of things I loved. My horse eats nothing but honeysuckle whenever we go on the trails.”

"That's so fucking cute," Jaskier sighed, still attacking the back of Geralt's leg, "Wouldn't have pegged you for a horse guy. What's their name?" 

The pain was easier to ignore when Geralt was rambling about Roach. Jaskier kept the conversation flowing, maybe indulging Geralt’s ramblings a little too much, but by the time he flipped Geralt over to do the inside of his knee they were joking and swapping disastrous college stories like old friends. They took a snack break where the purple eyed woman, Yennefer he'd learned, made fun of his zip shorts and Triss scolded her. It was nice, he felt oddly at home here with these people he’d just met. 

The front half of the tattoo was nothing compared to the back and Geralt was able to breathe and just chat. He did his best to convince himself that the feeling in his chest wasn’t disappointment when Jaskier finally finished and wrapped his leg in saniderm. 

Jaskier leaned on the front desk while they waited for Geralt’s card to run, "What are you doing after this?" 

Geralt's stomach turned with nervous excitement and he truly didn't know how he got his words to come out so casual, "Was just gonna get some ramen and watch reruns, why?" 

Jaskier worried at his bottom lip as he stapled the receipt to some paperwork, "There's a great ramen place around the corner and I don't have another appointment tonight…" 

Geralt positively beamed, "If you can stand to be seen with someone wearing zipper shorts in public, I'd love to."

[jangofctts]

pls tell us all about your ocs im beGGIN

aHH ok a couple people asked so!!!!! also ive included some of my drawings!! (tIS BELOW THE CUT)

oK SO STARTING OFF WE HAVE commander blanche!

hE’s a bit Cold and Stern but he’s a softy!!! his squadron (sunburst squadron) is a nIGHTMARE to run. it’s like herding cats dhsksn. his eye and his hair are from like a genetic mutation and nO HE DIDNT DYE IT OK?? tbh i still need to flesh him out more but he just wants to bring all his men home safe, will throw himself into battle wiTHOUT hesitation and just rad guy dhdkdn

next we have sgt. blue!

he’s.,.,.sO Tired. boy’s been through it. the scar across his face is from jumping between his general and a dark side force user, HE HAS A HEART OF GOLD AND SOMETIMES DOESNT THINK THINGS THROUGH WHEN IT COMES TO DANGER BUT he baby. again i nEED TO FLESH HIM OUT MORE BUT DHSKSN

ok nEXT we have our lovely sharpshooter, sweets!

he’s Very Shy. he’s the youngest in the squadron but was bumped up into sunburst squadron bc of his skill. he doesn’t like talking much so he’ll pat your arm or grab his brother’s shoulders to get their attention. when he does speak, it’s very soft spoken and gentle. he got in trouble a lot when he was a cadet for trying to befriend the service droids or little animals he would find. if you mention something you like, like a certain type of flower or necklace, WHATEVER he does kinda have....sticky fingers...so he’ll just Snatch the thing you like unprompted and then later he’ll just shove it into your hands and walk away. 1000/10 deserves a kith

oKiE next we have kamikaze (kaze or kami for short) and jaws.

so kamikaze or kami OR kaze for short—he’s the pilot! earned is name for a reason bc this boy is fuckin WILD with piloting. he likes to brag that he’s the best pilot in the GAR which—idk you’re gonna have to judge that yourself. bc yeah he always makes it out alive whethet or not his ship is all but bLOWN UP but—he’s cocky and you might end up loosing your lunch since he tends to do a lot of barrel rolls or made up stunts. he’s a sweetheart tho, after you push aside the cocky and happy go lucky attitude. he’s super hyper most of the time so the squad likes to joke that he has designated nap time dhdjdbd

jaws!!! JAWS MY BOY—he got his name because one time he almost got eaten by a nexu the day after being promoted from cadet. he’s a Flirt, but gets awkward when you flirt with him back. he loVES holodramas or holonovels and therefore a hOpeLESS romantic rvdkdb unfortunately he some how believes that bad pick up lines work,?,,,?! he has some wild scars on his back and will have nO HESITATION to show you the nexu teeth marks. he has a tendancy to “adopt” little creatures or encourage sweets to steal one so That is an Issue

then fuse!

can you....guess..,.what he enjoye? if you guess setting shit on fire/blowing things up then yUh. the reason he has different colored tattoos is because he was originally from another squadron but was reminded too many times and he was sort of Forced out. FORTUNATELY the general transfered him in sunburst squadron and let’s him be the explosives guy. he’s also very hyper and gets ALONG GREAT with kamikaze—a little too well fhdkd the chaos bros for sure. he’s super rambunctious/loud, isnt shy to tell you what he thinks—even those in higher command. he gets in trouble for it but he has a heart of gold and means well!

and then the medic!! void

vOid is Tired....sO TIRED OF DEALING WITH fuse and kamikaze’s cOUNTLESS stupid injuries. he’s the Mom friend and will literally run and tackle you if you aren’t drinking water or taking the meds he’s perscibed. arguably the Smartest one in the bunch—at least with common sense fhdkdb he’s bffs with blue and theyre the Mean Girls of the squad, silently judging you always dhsksn. he definitely overworks himself a LOT just because he cant stand to be alone with his thoughts for long or else he starts to fixate on all the lives he couldnt save. he needs a pHat nap and a cup of caf sO PLEASE give him this, he also always has a massive headache due to the bafoonery he must deal with 25/8 dhsksn

ALSO HERES SOME REALLY ROUGH SKETCHES OF MY 90s plASTIC CUP BABIES RHDKDN

also bonus half sketch/comic of ahsoka that im too lazy to finish rhdkdn

[danishmiilk]

dedication - na jaemin

genre || crack, fluff

pairing || na jaemin x reader; mentioned one-sided markhyuck

fic type || drabble; short fic?

word count || 1.4k

au || hogwarts!au, best friends to lovers!au

summary || na jaemin dedicated his quidditch win to you for no obvious reason. at least, not until he asks you “do you trust me?” and well, do you?

note || when did writing 1.4k become a normal thing for me? i remember the early days of this blog *sob* 1k was so hard to churn out istg- but anyway its not even a fic it’s a drabble just imagine!! oh and im super sorry for the very very rushed plot and everything that doesn’t make sense i’m high. this was supposed to be a timestamp but it spiralled out of hand so ok

“aaaaand what’s that? slytherin seeker na jaemin’s pulling his firebolt down into a nosedive - could he have seen the snitch?” the boy beside you hollered into the megaphone. you slammed your gloveless hands onto the cold metal railing and leaned out of your seat to look at one of your best friends barrelling toward the ground like he was suicidal. you trusted him and knew he was a good enough flier not to crash, of course, but it still worried you to see seeker!jaemin in a vertical dive down to the ground. “ugh, no, he hasn’t gotten it. HEY, NA JAEMIN, YOU SUCK!” professor mcgonagall turned and shouted in hyuck’s ear, “LEE DONGHYUCK, YOU BEHAVE, OR I’LL GET MISS L/N TO REPLACE YOU!” “sorry, professor, just some kindhearted encouragement, you know, but sure! y/n can replace me!” your best friend grinned impishly and held the megaphone out to you, offering you the chance to commentate. you shook your head firmly. the one and only reason you were sitting in the commentator’s box with hyuck was because it could only fit two people and professor mcgonagall wasn’t about to sit there and control the scoreboard next to her least favourite student of all time. it could also be partly to prevent hyuck from cheating, you supposed, though you had no idea how anyone expected you to be the one stopping him. if anything, you’d have come up with the idea. 

donghyuck had resumed commentating at the side, making snide comments every now and then. it was thirty minutes into the slytherin versus gryffindor game, and it showed no signs of stopping yet. the seekers were still circling above the pitch, gryffindor’s seeker zhong chenle (another one of your friends) trying his best to climb onto jaemin’s broom. you were pretty sure that was dangerous and against the rules, but whatever. “and slytherin chaser kim doyoung passes the quaffle to, well, another gryffindor, i mean slytherin chaser- what was his name? nokomota yuto? right, nakamoto yuta, sorry hyung- and yuta SHOOTS!” 

your head snapped back toward the game, squinting at the gryffindor goalpost. “oh, he misses, wait no he doesn’t miss! keeper mark lee saved it, excellent save there mork! you know, mark is such an awesome person, if only he’d go out with me, i’ve been pining after him for the past three years but he still won’t say yes. ah well, he’s in denial, one day he’ll realise how much he loves m-” “HYUCK,” you screamed, shaking his arm madly, “LOOK AT JAEMIN. STOP GIVING US DETAILS OF YOUR LOVE LIFE AND FOCUS ON THE GAME.” professor mcgonagall had given up on him long ago, but you were, of course, compelled to at least get him to stop waxing lyrical about mark lee.

“huh? oh yeah- uhm- slytherin must win! ah yes jaemin’s diving again but honestly who cares he’s coming up without the snitch again, stop giving me false hope na jaemin. yes, anyway, what was i saying? right, the tea. so siStErS if you would look in the corner there gryffindor beater lee taeyong’s… beating the bludgers away from slytherin chaser kim doyoung? what is this i see, people! i am scandalized! doyoung, i see you blushing! yes, i can see you blushing because i charmed my glasses! you are fraternizing with the enemy! have babies later! play the game nOOOOOOOW! oh but he’s the one giving you protection. okay. EVERYBODY LET’S CHEER ON THEIR BLOSSOMING LOVE IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER! SAY WOOOOOOOOO.” screams from the crowd. the hufflepuffs and ravenclaws had all come to watch the quidditch match - something only half of them would’ve turned up for if not for the commentary. which brings you to another point. it’s clear to everyone, you’d think, that lee donghyuck is the person most unsuited to be the commentator, like, ever. he doesn’t focus on the quidditch match at all, instead choosing to provide a detailed oral report on the latest gossip around campus. professor mcgonagall had tried to take him off the role before, of course, but she had no choice but to put him back on after 90% of the school signed a petition for “best commentator lee donghyuck” to return to the pitch. hyuck’s the dispatch of hogwarts, and he’s annoying, but he’s also funny, friendly, and sure as hell caught up on the latest tea. what’s not to like?

“right, so then i walked in to the girls’ bathroom, on accident i swear i’m not a pervert, and i saw irene and seulgi kissing in the corner and i was like what?? did not expect that. but i’d always kinda expected it because i can see couples in the future you know you can call me up anytime to predict your chances with your crush slight self promo but my rates are cheap af. where are seulrene? oh, there? i see your friends waving, congratulations guys, and oh wait jaemin has the snitch i think he’s holding something in his hand. oh. okay. 450-380 to slytherin, and slytherin win! tune in next quidditch match for another episode of Haechan’s Finest Tea Brewery!”

jaemin flew toward the commentator’s box, gesturing wildly with his hands. you stared at him, not comprehending, while hyuck chose to shout “HUH?? HUH??” repeatedly into the megaphone. jaemin rolled his eyes in annoyance that you could feel from a long distance away, pointed his wand at his throat and murmured sonorous. 

“i’d like to dedicate this win to y/n l/n over here. speaking of which, she’s my motivation to win for every match,” jaemin went on with a shy smile. you felt your eyes widen and your earlier excitement for slytherin winning slipping off your face. what was he talking about? “i understand if you see me as just a friend, but i still think i’ve got to show the whole school i love you.” jaemin flew closer to the box, hovering at the side of it. “do you want to be my girlfriend? do you trust me? if the answer is yes, mount this broom with me.”

hyuck had apparently also been startled into silence, not having made any snarky remarks about the scene very obviously plagiarised from aladdin. you gasped softly, getting up to move closer to the railing, your body deciding for you instead of your mind. jaemin’s smile widened, “do you trust me?”

did you love na jaemin? up until ten minutes ago, you were sure you didn’t. he hadn’t even been a candidate for being your love interest romantically. you were taken aback by the confession, but you weren’t upset by it either. you felt slightly fuzzy inside, like you were a stuffed teddy bear, and even on a winter day as cold as it was, you felt warmth spread throughout your entire body. what did hyuck always say about love? he said that love means you’d do the best you could to make them happy. that love’s about giving, not about receiving. that you’d always put them before yourself, and you’d pay extra attention to them, always. and that you’d be ready to carry them off on a bed of roses and bear their children, but then again, you supposed that was just one of hyuck’s strange fantasies about mark. reflecting on all the years you’d been friends, you’d always been staring at jaemin to see if he laughed at a joke before you did too. you rushed to the hospital wing at 3am, not caring about the three months’ worth of detention you could potentially (and later did) get, only wanting to check on him and see that his injured leg was alright. you’d done everything reasonable (like let him copy your homework) and everything unreasonable (like stealing telescopes from the astronomy tower with hyuck to feed the giant squid) just to see a smile on his face. and that smile could warm the harshest winters. 

maybe you were in love with na jaemin.

you walked up closer, and put your hand into his waiting one. the school, who’d been waiting with bated breath, exploded into cheers, but you heard none of it. there was only you and him. and the 30km drop to the ground.

jaemin’s grin looked like it was about to split his face into half. he pressed your cold hand to his lips, pretending to be a gentleman. pulling you onto his broom in front of him, he put his arms on both sides of you. un-amplifying his voice, he leaned forward, pressing himself into your back. “are you ready?” you nodded, fingers clutching tight onto the wood.

“i can show you the world.”

©danishmiilk, 2020.

[tuanhood]

hypnotic | part one

paring: vampire!im jaebeom x reader

genre: angst, eventual smut (part two), vampire au

warnings: language, cringey vampire cliches i’m sure

word count: 9,800+

summary: jaebeom has been waiting 200 years to find his mate - the one who can break his trance and isn’t affected by his hypnotic abilities. You don’t seem to be that person, but he just can’t seem to get you out of his mind… why? 

a/n: hello guys! so i originally had this planned to post tomorrow (the 30th) but it was so long i decided to split it up and post one part today and the other part on the 31st! This first part is mostly Jaebeom and not a lot of Y/N but SO BE IT. This is also my first time writing in the genre of vampire/fantasy loL so please forgive me because it’ll probably be cringe and not make sense. if that’s the case lol drop me a message!! also vampire jaebeom was requested FOREVER ago. so here it is practically 3 decades later. and i attempted to make a banner. if someone can make me a better one it’s v much WELCOME.

part two

Knock Knock Knock 

He wished he could just pretend like he was asleep. He wished he could use that as an excuse to not answer the door, but based on the very strong feeling he was getting from who was behind it – that wouldn’t work. 

“I know you’re in there! Just answer the damn door Jaebeom!”

Jaebeom rolled his eyes, leave it to Bambam to be at his front door before the day even had a chance to truly begin. Before letting him in, he went through all the possible things or excuses he could use to get out of whatever his younger friend had in mind.

“Is your vintage YSL here or is it still at the dry cleaners?” Bambam asked, pushing past Jaebeom as soon as he has the door partway open.

Gruffly, Jaebeom turned back into his apartment to Bambam already halfway to his bedroom – no doubt to look through his closet, “What are you doing here Bam?” 

“What does it look like? I’m here for the vintage YSL asshole!” 

He’s learned by now that it’s better to let him do his thing – whatever that may mean. So instead of following Bambam, he plopped down onto the same couch he’s had for nearly 15 years. “You know when I first bought that shirt it wasn’t considered vintage!”

Jaebeom waited for a response, but instead, he was met with silence. After a few moments – many of them thinking about how maybe it was time to replace the couch – he felt his “vintage” YSL button-down hit him in the face. 

He groaned; the impact was surely going to create wrinkles in the material he tried to keep in pristine condition. It was ironic since he was often heard making fun of how much Bambam cared about clothes, but Jaebeom liked to keep his things nice. “Bam I just got it back from getting cleaned a couple of days ago.”

“Put it on.” 

The tone of his friend’s voice seemed rather impatient. If he had closed his eyes, Jaebeom would have thought he was talking to Jinyoung or even himself. 

“Why do I need to put it on? It’s 8 in the morning; where are we going?”

“Um excuse me? Did you forget what day it was? Now come on, we’re meeting Jinyoung at that new café down the street in fifteen.”

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, trying to picture the café on the mental map he keeps in his mind, “the one that used to be a video store in the 90s?”

Bambam made his way into the living room, picking up a few glasses that rested on the coffee table Jaebeom’s feet were on top of, and marched over to the small kitchen. Jaebeom has lived in this apartment more years than he’d like to admit, especially because enough time had passed that the neighbors he had were clearly aging and he just stayed 26. The thought of moving somewhere new often enters his mind, but with this place, he just can’t bring it in himself to go quite yet. It’s almost as though something is tying him to this city, this place – like he’s waiting for something.

“Yes, and a speakeasy in the 20s both of which are not important right now because we live in the 21st century Jaebeom. Now come on, Jinyoung’s waiting – that asshole is always early.” 

He heard Bambam mumble something along the lines of known him 100 years, would it kill him to just be on time for once, as he furiously dropped the glasses on the kitchen counter.

“Do I have to go?” 

Bambam paused his motions of putting Jaebeom’s dirty dishes into the sink to stare the older vampire down, “Jaebeom you only turn 200 once.” 

He scoffed in response, “Jesus don’t remind me.”

“We have to make a whole day of it! So please just put the shirt on, because I want you looking presentable,” he stopped in the middle of his sentence, suddenly wiggling his eyebrows, “you never know what could happen.” The final word is drawn out, almost sing-song like and it drives Jaebeom up the wall because he knows exactly what Bambam is referencing.

For Jaebeom and those like Jaebeom, they didn’t consider the day they were born as their birthday, but instead as the day they turned. There was no point in celebrating their birth anymore as they were no longer alive. However, at this point after 200 birthdays, – alive and dead combined - Jaebeom was beginning to believe that there was no point to those either. He always knew being immortal was a curse but day by day that idea was only solidifying itself in his mind.  

Jaebeom let out a gruff breath which only made Bambam look up from the fork he was scrubbing, “Bam I don’t know what you think is going to happen today… but it certainly isn’t that.” 

The “that” he was referencing was one of the main factors that as of late had made him feel like living forever was indeed a waste. It was the thing that was supposed to make him feel “complete.” According to old texts and traditional vampire folklore, he was now walking around half full, but once he met his mate, he would become whole. At first, he didn’t believe the tale. He had gotten by so far without a mate that the idea of him not being complete made him laugh. But watching both Bambam and Jinyoung find their mates – Bambam 70 years ago and Jinyoung 16 years ago – made him finally acknowledge and reflect on the piece of himself he was missing. 

And fuck he was lonely. 

Bambam chuckled at him as if being in on his own personal joke. His friend was strange like that sometimes, “just put the shirt on Jaebeom.” 

By the time he’s had the shirt on and Bambam has somehow convinced him to let him wear his Rolex he got as a gift from his friend Jackson in 1920, Jaebeom feels mentally prepared to leave the house and embark on this dreadful day. The reminder that he has now been around for 200 years and still is not whole.

“Finally,” Jinyoung sighed when Jaebeom and Bambam finally reached the café down the street, “I’ve been waiting 20 minutes.” 

A disgruntled Bambam checks his watch, “well if you don’t want to wait every single time, don’t be so fucking early,” he promptly turned to Jaebeom to share his grief regarding their friend, “you think he would learn after all this time.” 

“Let’s just go order,” Jaebeom shrugged, not caring to be in another disagreement between his longer than life friends.

“Be honest you’re early on purpose just so it gives you something to complain about and a reason to make us feel bad!” 

Jinyoung ignored Bambam’s theory, replying to the oldest, “no need. I already ordered for the three of us. It’s a special day, the birthday boy doesn’t need to pay,” he glanced at Bambam, “you on the other hand…” 

The two new arrivals, flop down into the sofa chairs on either side of Jinyoung, along of them situated to make a half-circle in front of a low coffee table. The three of them had somehow stuck into this… pattern. Years of friendship that contained years of Bambam/Jinyoung squabbles that Jaebeom would often have to mediate. Patterns were nice, but sometimes they would get old – especially after so long. 

As the two of them argue over whether or not Bambam should pay Jinyoung back for a simple iced Americano because Bam swears he got the drinks the last two times, Jaebeom looks over to the counter where the baristas work on – no doubt – the plethora of orders they have. The factor of the café being new has certainly been the cause of the popularity and amount of people in the shop. He can’t help but feel bad for the individuals working on the drinks – three years ago he had been one of them for roughly 18 months and knew that it wasn’t as easy as it appeared to be. 

In retrospect, Jaebeom didn’t have to work. He had so much time to learn and understand what it meant to be financially responsible. Not only that, but he’s literally had hundreds of years to save. Plus, his early investments in companies ended up landing him some pretty substantial and valuable shares. Jaebeom was sitting on quite the pretty penny. 

“Wow your portfolio is remarkable… I’ve never seen one like it,” his latest financial advisor had said to him in complete awe, “I mean an early investor in Amazon? Apple? Mastercard?” 

Jaebeom had laughed nervously, “What can I say? My grandpa had good intuition, I guess.” 

Money aside, he had wanted something to do with his time – hence his barista job. It was fun, but like most things, Jaebeom just grew tired of it and as he watched the girl working the espresso machine let out an exhausted breath, he realized that he wasn’t missing it. 

Jaebeom has become good at studying people. It was something he still wasn’t sure of whether it was a vampire thing or just something he had picked up over time. Watching the girl at the machine, her hair is in a low bun, a few strands falling in front of her face. It’s clear with the way the hair tie is situated, that the hairstyle was once a bit neater, tighter, and sat at the middle or even top of her head. However, the now fallen placement and slight disarray signal how busy she’s been working and how fried she must be feeling. 

He looks to the string bracelet on her wrist, visible from far away enough for Jaebeom to conclude that she must have someone in her life deemed important to wear one of those “friendship” bracelets. He never saw the point, but humans were strange creatures, despite him once being one. 

Jaebeom’s breath hitches when he catches sight of the delicately drawn tattoo on her wrist near the bracelet. It’s of lavender and it immediately reminds him of his mother who had loved exploring the lavender field that had been near his home when he was a child. Despite all the time that has passed since he lost his mother, the pain that aches inside of Jaebeom when he thinks of her isn’t any less. 

His thoughts are interrupted by the call at the coffee bar, “Order for Jinyoung.” 

The call comes from the overworked girl he had been studying and Jaebeom wants more than anything to stand up and retrieve their orders. He finds a weird want to hear what her laugh sounds like. Maybe he could say something or strike up a conversation that would-

“What are you doing?” It takes Jaebeom a moment to notice that he has partially stood up from his chair as if he’s about to go somewhere. Cluelessly, he replied, “going to get the drinks.”

The youngest shook his head, “No way! Birthday boys don’t get their drinks, they don’t lift a finger.” 

He knew Bambam was one to take birthdays seriously, but this was beginning to feel like it was going the extra mile too many. 

“I’ll get it.” 

Jaebeom watched Bambam get up to retrieve the drinks. He expects him to just grab the drinks and return to the table, but instead, Bambam says something to the girl. Arching his neck to the side, he tries to make a clear path to eavesdrop on what’s being said, hearing being one of the benefits of turning. Unfortunately, the café is too loud for him to focus on the conversation and he’s defeated by the fact that he’ll have to stay in the dark.

The girl laughs loudly at something Bambam said and Jaebeom can’t help but feel mixed about it. On one hand, he got his wish – hearing her laugh – but on the other hand, he wasn’t the cause of it. For some reason it makes him bring his clench and unclench his fists which rest on the arms of the sofa chair. Jinyoung takes notice.

Jaebeom quickly looks down at his lap when he senses that Bambam is returning to where they’re sat, not wanting to give away that he had been staring. First, he places Jinyoung’s and his drink on the table, soon turning back around to go back and fetch the last drink – Jaebeom’s. 

When he comes back, Jaebeom looks up to see a large grin spread across the youngest’s face. He has that look again – the one as if he knows a joke Jaebeom doesn’t. 

The latter nodded his head in thanks for getting the drinks as he inspects his green tea on the table. Just as he’s about to pick up the mug, he’s stopped in his tracks by an announcement coming from the coffee bar. 

“Hello everyone! Sorry for the interruption, but I’ve been told that we have a birthday here today,” you said. Giving announcements wasn’t your strong suit, but you figured now that you were an actual owner of something, you were going to get over your shyness. But you didn’t think it was going to be that often that a tall, skinny and pale boy with a Rolex on his wrist would be asking you to get your coffee shop to sing happy birthday for his friend. Even when you were a barista working for someone else no one had made such a request. This was a café after all, not an Applebee’s.

Jaebeom wished more than anything that he could sink into his seat and just disappear. If only that cliché that vampires turned into bats were true, then he could just fly away at a moment’s notice. Leave it to Bambam to torture him like this. It wasn’t intentional of course, but it certainly felt like it to Jaebeom. 

It was especially tragic to him because the girl he had been studying was the one leading the entire café in singing “Happy Birthday.” He did his best to avoid looking at her, feeling like his entire body was heating up in embarrassment even though he couldn't heat up. 

You on the other hand felt a little insulted by the birthday boy’s lack of eye contact. You hadn’t even managed to get a good look at him before you started singing and now it was not possible with the way that he was looking down at the ground, his long hair falling in front of his face, concealing itself to you. It wasn’t difficult to conclude that he felt awkward about a bunch of strangers he had never met singing him happy birthday, you had felt the same whenever your friends tried to ambush you on your birthday… but you at least looked up and acknowledged the presence of the people singing. A tight smile from this guy would even be happily accepted. 

When the song is over and the claps that follow finally subside, he looks up to see the café back at its previous state of normalcy, not a single person looking at him anymore. Jaebeom lets out a sigh of relief. 

“You could at least act like you liked it,” Bambam huffed in annoyance. He wished Jaebeom could appreciate the idea of birthdays like he did. 

“I really didn’t need to be the center of attention today Bam.” 

“But it’s your bir-” Bambam begins to explain, but Jaebeom abruptly cuts him off, not wanting to hear his reasoning for today’s antics, yet again. The day hadn’t even started.

“My birthday, I know. Thanks for reminding me.” 

Jinyoung clears his throat and plays with the spoon that came with his Flat White. Just as Jaebeom is the mediator for Bambam and Jinyoung, sometimes Jinyoung has to be the mediator for Jaebeom and Bambam. Essentially the commonality in the disagreements of their trio friendship is Bambam and currently, Jinyoung feels as though he should route the conversation elsewhere.

“What else is in the cards for tonight then boys?” 

It’s then based on the look on Jaebeom’s face, that Jinyoung thinks that maybe talking about the plans for tonight – on Jaebeom’s birthday – isn’t re-routing the conversation. Especially since it’s Bambam’s whose eyes light up and is the one to reply to him.

“Obviously we’re going out tonight,” Bambam paused and turned to Jaebeom, wagging his finger in the latter’s face, “there’s no way you’re getting out of this. I’m not taking no for an answer this time.”

Jaebeom rolled his eyes and didn’t respond as he knew he didn’t have a choice in the matter. He had rejected Bambam’s invitations to go out consistently for the last 6 months and on his birthday of all days, Bam was going to force him out of the house just as he had done this morning to come to the café.

He looks back to the front counter, his eyes searching for the barista who has now suddenly disappeared. A frown begins to make itself known on his face, feeling a bit disappointed by the fact that she may have left already or gone elsewhere, but soon she’s popping up from behind the counter, no doubt getting something from the cabinets below. Jaebeom feels relief. 

“What did you say to her?” he asked suddenly looking back at Bambam.

He cocked his head to the side, confused, “What did I say to who?” 

“The barista behind the counter.” 

His friend nodded his head slowly, suddenly realizing what Jaebeom means. A smirk appears on his face, “nothing much… Just how it was your birthday and it would be really good if we could all embarrass you by singing about it. She’s not a barista, by the way, she owns the place. Kinda backward thinking there Jae. It’s the 21st century, women can own things now, they can vote.” 

“I know that,” Jaebeom hissed. 

Bambam puts up his hands in defeat, “I’m just making sure.” 

“Don’t you know her?” Jinyoung asked, “isn’t that why we came here?” 

Jaebeom’s interests are perked. It’s not often that the three of them meet new people. It’s not like there’s a huge point to it. The last new person the three of them met was Mark – also a vampire – a bartender at their favorite club in the city, but that was in 2007. 

He waits for Bambam’s explanation as to how he knows this girl and why they came here specifically beside it just being near Jaebeom’s apartment. 

Waving his hand nonchalantly, the Thai boy gives his answer, “I don’t really know her. Minji does. Met her in some kind of class, I think. SoulCycle? Pilates? Zumba? I don’t know. I can’t keep up with her and her activities these days.” 

Minji is Bambam’s mate. He had turned her only a month after they met. 

Jaebeom’s not sure what he would do if he met his mate. He doesn’t know if he would want to subject them to turning and living the same kind of life as him, but he also doesn’t know if he could continue life alone after meeting his mate. If he ever meets them.

“Why the curiosity?” Jinyoung asked, for once finding it hard to remain stone-faced. Even his usual chill, non-revealing demeanor seems to fade away when it appears that his older friend might be attracted to someone. 

Jaebeom simply shrugged, “it’s nothing…” 

“What do you think? Could she be the one?” Bambam asked teasingly, pointing to the girl behind the counter. 

Jinyoung rolled his eyes almost immediately at the younger boy, “if you’re going to keep bothering him about it, don’t make it so obvious idiot.” 

Jaebeom had been alive – or more like undead – for 200 years and more than half of that time he had to listen to this same conversation from his friends over and over again. His patience was wearing thin and 180 years later, he was tired of their pestering. 

He leaned forward slowly and grabbed his green tea off the table, making sure to visibly flinch at the heat of the drink, Bambam, and Jinyoung chuckling at his reaction. Out of the three of them, Jaebeom certainly had the most practice when it came to “putting on a show” for the humans and “acting” the most human. Taking a sip, he looked back at the girl behind the counter. 

The youngest vampire had spent many of their outings and conversations hypothesizing who Jaebeom’s mate could be. Despite being the oldest of the three, Jaebeom was the only one left who still hadn’t found his mate and he was beginning to feel hopeless. Typically, Bambam pointed out any human girl as a candidate – all of them of course ended up not being his mate. Therefore, Jaebeom didn’t pay attention to his picks anymore, but he had to admit… He did get a strange feeling from the girl behind the counter. 

Jaebeom looked to you, hoping to catch your gaze as you quickly made the coffee orders for the few people waiting to the side of the cash register. Just when he was about to give up and focus his attention back on his friends, you tore your concentration away from the drink in your hand and looked up at him from across the cafe. 

Jaebeom focused his gaze deep onto you with his eyes – testing, checking, and trialing your focus. You didn’t look away, instead, you trained your eyes deeply into his and stared at him until finally, it was Jaebeom who broke the contact. 

He shook his head at his friends, disappointed by your inability to break the trance and ultimately confused at the feeling he still got from you despite that. 

Jaebeom took another sip of the tea, “it’s not her.” 

“Did you have to debate that Uber driver on the Twilight franchise?” Jinyoung groaned at Bambam as soon as they’re out of the car. 

The entire twenty-minute ride, he had got into a heated discussion with their driver on how Twilight was not “true” or realistic to most actual vampire folklore. It had been an excruciating thing to listen to. 

“Got to stand up for our kind dude.” 

“Okay, but what happens when she starts asking how you know all these things or why you’re so interested in vampire stuff?” Jinyoung tended to always be right. This wasn’t an exception.

Brushing off his pants, Bambam gives him a nonchalant wave, “chill out man. Everyone loves vampire stuff.” 

“Maybe in 2008,” Jaebeom said just barely loud enough for his friends to hear them. The two of them laughed, Bambam shoving him playfully on the shoulder, “Birthday boy getting funny on us.” 

“I was always funny,” Jaebeom deadpanned. 

“Funny and looking good tonight. Let’s get you laid, shall we?” 

After a day that was jampacked full of various activities planned by his youngest friend, the last thing Jaebeom wanted to do was spend extra energy on trying to get some girl to come home with him tonight. Besides, he wasn’t that guy anymore. 

Jinyoung scoffed, “he doesn’t need to get laid tonight.”

“Yes, he does! Jaebeom how long has it been?” 

This time it’s Jinyoung that shoves Bambam’s shoulder – except it’s not all that playful. 

“Fine don’t answer that, but I’m just saying there will be quite a few girls here that you can have your pick of, despite your plain outfit.” 

Jaebeom looked at the clothes he had changed into when Bambam spared him a sliver of time to go back home to digress and feed his cats. The latter had wanted him to borrow clothes of his, but instead, Jaebeom decided on pulling pieces from his closet that felt more like him, less like Bambam. A plain pair of ripped jeans, an oversized black shirt that he had bought at a shop from his trip to London last year, and his mother’s necklace that often wasn’t missing from its spot around his neck.

Bambam’s earlier critique was that he was dressed too basic and that no girls would bat an eye at him. Girls don’t like plain guys, he had said. The comment makes Jaebeom wonder about you and whether you’d fall under the category of not liking “plain” guys. 

He bites the inside of his cheek. It was probably the eighth time he had made himself do it today. Jaebeom had found his mind often drifting to you throughout the day for some unexplainable reason. During their walk in the park, he wondered if you would take strolls during your breaks from the café or when Bambam forced him to go paint pottery for an hour and a half he thought about what you would paint. It frustrated him because he hadn’t even spoken to you – not a word and yet you were clearly on his mind for one reason or another. It wasn’t even like you were his mate. He had tried to see if you were unaffected by his trance, his hypnotic capabilities, but you had just stared at him completely fixated just as everyone else was. 

Jaebeom was not going to think about you any longer. He was already planning on avoiding your café. 

“We’re on the list,” Bambam tells the bouncer when they arrive at the entrance of the club. He scans the list and motions his head towards the direction of the door to signal to the three of them to go on ahead. There’s a bit of a whine coming from the people waiting in line which admittedly so makes Jaebeom feel a little guilty, but Bambam ensures him it’s fine, “why have a friend who works at a club if we can’t use him for the perks?” 

“Why does he keep bartending again?” As soon as the question is out of Jaebeom’s mouth he realizes it was a stupid thing to ask since the answer is apparent. 

Bambam laughed at him, giving his long – irreplaceable he’d like to remind everyone – leather coat to the person at the front of the club. Jaebeom swears he hears him tell the coat check guy the “proper” way to put it on a hanger. 

“Obviously for the girls Jaebeom.” 

Mark’s mate – Hana had passed on a long time ago. Jaebeom had never got the chance to meet her, only hears about her in passing from some stories that Mark has told the three of them. He hadn’t turned her. Jaebeom’s never asked why. 

“Girls… of course.” 

He can’t help but think about how Mark must feel inside. Although Jaebeom doesn’t know him as well as he knows Bambam and Jinyoung, whenever he’s with the older boy he’s always got a smile on his face. Often quiet, but he’s always got certain energy bouncing off of him that would indeed make him popular with women. However, if what they say about mates is true, would that mean that a piece of Mark was now missing? Did he feel like he was less of a person? Jaebeom felt like that sometimes and he hadn’t even met his mate yet. Mark had his, but now he didn’t. 

“Drinks?” Jinyoung asked the two of them and Jaebeom is partly surprised. Out of the three of them, Bambam was the one who was the most comfortable in a club or even bar setting. He figures that Jinyoung must be using his birthday as an excuse to cut loose and become someone else for the night.

Bambam instantly nodded his head at Jinyoung’s suggestion and Jaebeom finds himself trailing behind the two of them as they make their way over to Mark at the bar who is throwing his head back at something the girl across the bar is saying. Judging on Jaebeom’s intuition – it’s a bit fake and overplayed, but you got to do what you got to do.

“My man!” Bambam yelled over the music, leaning against the counter in a way to make sure he doesn’t get the elbows of his long sleeve turtleneck wet. Mark in response, turned to them and smiled, then routing his attention back to the girl, giving her an apologetic smile. Her half-smile says everything Jaebeom could need to know – this girl would not be going home with Mark after his shift tonight. 

“What can I get you guys tonight,” Mark turned to Jaebeom and the latter can barely make out his sharp canines in the dark club, “birthday boy you want anything special?” 

Before Jaebeom can reply that he wants to be at home, Bambam answers for him.

“Could we maybe get something that’s off the menu?” He wiggled his eyebrows at Mark who gave him a shit-eating grin, knowing immediately what he was talking about. 

“Off the menu” meant Mark’s secret stash of O negative underneath the counter. While alcohol had the same effect on them that it had on the average humans, adding a bit of blood just made a little bit better. Okay… it made it a lot better. 

“Three negronis coming right up,” Mark winked to give a little signal that these would most likely not be as well composed or put together as a negroni, but due to them being in public, he couldn’t necessarily announce a shit ton of alcohol mixed with human blood was going to be served up to them. 

“How has your birthday been Jae?” Mark asked as he was in the middle of placing three glasses onto the countertop in between them.

It was difficult to explain since to Jaebeom it had just been another day except for a little bit more excruciating. The celebration of another year “older” filled him with thoughts of how much time has passed, whether he’s done anything truly important and why he still hasn’t found the person who is meant to complete him… but like he said only a little more excruciating than any other day. 

Jaebeom shrugged in response, “Bam planned a lot and for the most part, it was…” he paused for a moment, wondering if he should say how he felt – numb, lost, and wishing the day would come to an end as if tomorrow won’t bring the same thoughts or problems. But as he looked at his friends who had tried so hard today to make him happy and celebrate, he decided to guard them against the ultimate truth, “for the most part it was fun – really good. I mean besides the singing at the café of course.” He throws in the last part to at least have some kind of believability to his story. 

He notices Mark’s eyebrows lift out of curiosity as his concentration focuses on measuring out each part of the drinks, “An entire café sang you happy birthday? Damn, I don’t think I could ever get through that, so I can only imagine how you feel.” 

“That was Bam’s idea,” Jinyoung muttered. 

Once again, Bambam does his nonchalant waving of the hand, “it wasn’t that bad. I mean okay, maybe it was… But Jaebeom was obsessed with the girl who led it.” 

Jaebeom suddenly feels like he wants to put duct tape over his friend’s mouth. 

“I was not obsessed with her! I don’t even know her!” Jaebeom for some reason felt the need to defend himself, which was probably the worst option. Him getting defensive was usually a tell-tale sign for his friends being right on whatever they were confronting him with. 

Bambam scoffed, bringing gliding his drink across the bar to be directly in front of him once Mark has poured it neatly into the short glass, “I noticed you staring at her before I went to get the drinks. That’s why I asked her to do it in the first place.” 

“So, she doesn’t know Minji?” Jinyoung questioned. 

The youngest takes his first sip and immediately lets out a hissing noise, signaling to Mark that it’s both strong and good. “No, she does, but Jaebeom’s weird staring only made it that much better.” 

Mark pushed the other two glasses towards Jinyoung and Jaebeom, “Was she your…” he drifted off, almost as though he was finding it physically difficult to get the word out. Jaebeom can’t help but feel the want to reach his hand out towards Mark and place it comfortingly on his shoulder, but his group of friends don’t do that. Instead, he saves him the trouble by answering back right away, not forcing him to say it.

“No, she wasn’t.” 

The bartender nodded slowly, suddenly avoiding his gaze from the three familiar boys across the bar from him, “That’s uh… too bad that she wasn’t able to break the trance. Sorry, Jaebeom.” 

He knows that Mark is just trying to be nice, especially when they’re on a subject that he clearly can’t and doesn’t want to talk about, but the attempt to be comforting makes Jaebeom nauseous. 

“Well maybe he’ll find her here tonight,” Jinyoung quipped, placing a hand on Jaebeom’s back. Sometimes the latter swore that his friends treated him he had just found out he had a terminal illness. 

“I sincerely doubt it,” Jaebeom commented gruffly. 

There’s a sound from the other side of the bar from a customer who seems fed up with the conversation being had between the four of them – distracting Mark from serving anyone else. He gives a signal to them to notify them that he’ll be there in a second. “Well… come to me if you guys need more drinks.  It’s on me tonight.” 

“Thanks, man,” Jaebeom tells him honestly because he might need a couple more drinks before he gets to the state of wanting to be in this room.

Mark said a final word of “see you guys later” and heads to the other end of the bar to help customers who have been waiting. Grabbing their drinks, Jaebeom, Jinyoung, and Bambam turn around to depart the bar, to find somewhere to sit for a bit before the drinks truly begin to hit them.  

With his drink in hand, Jaebeom took a sip and reveled in the perfect balance of alcohol to burn his throat and blood to soothe it. The drink was probably the most relaxing part of his day thus far and as he looked out at the crowd, he could already tell that maybe the mixture was going to his head due to his sudden thinking that this place wasn’t all that bad.

Despite not being a club guy, if he were to go out, Jaebeom would always choose this club that Mark works out. To put it simply – it was vampire friendly. With Mark behind the counter and his “secret” supply free-flowing, it became a notoriously known place for vampires in town. If he had to guess, the attendance on an average night was probably evenly split 50/50, humans and vampires.

The humans weren’t aware of the vampires of course – for the most part.

Jaebeom cleared his throat once they’ve found a booth to sit in, “so… Bam what do you know about that girl?” 

Both Jinyoung and Bambam exchange glances before looking back at the birthday boy. The latter tried his best to conceal the smile on his face, “not much… just that she owns the café, knows Minji, and is very single.” 

For some reason, Jaebeom’s stomach does a little flip, but he wishes it wouldn’t. “S-So?” Through his stutter, he tries to remain as confident as possible, but his friends see right through his façade.

Jinyoung leaned forward until his elbows rest on the top of his thighs, “Jaebeom you can be honest with us… Why the sudden fascination with this girl? Are you sure she didn’t break the trance? Just with the way that you’re acting…” Jinyoung drifted off, not bothering to finish his final sentence, but once again looking at Bambam. It makes Jaebeom lean forward in his seat as well. 

“With the way, I’m acting? I’m completely normal. I’m fine. She didn’t break the trance and now I’m just curious about her as curious as anyone would be about someone they meet.” 

There’s the silence between the three of them until Bambam speaks up, “You didn’t meet her though.” 

It dawns on Jaebeom that he didn’t even speak to you and he wonders why does it feel like he did. Why did it feel like he knew you but didn’t at the same time? Why haven’t his mind and body been cooperating with him since this morning at the café? 

Just with the way that you’re acting…

The way he was acting? What did that mean? Was the way he was acting mean something specific? 

He feels like he blinks and thirty minutes go by. And in that past thirty minutes, Jaebeom had somehow managed to drink 6 of Mark’s “negronis.” He felt like his head was beginning to get dizzy. It wasn’t often that Jaebeom found himself drunk on the verge of drunkenness due to alcohol not affecting him as much as humans. To even remotely get to that state, he had to drink a lot and it had to be strong. 

“You feeling it Jaebeom?” Through the darkness and the haze of the alcohol, Jaebeom could barely make out the hint of the smile playing on Jinyoung’s face. He had switched to a glass of wine at some point while Jaebeom was binge drinking which had to be the most Jinyoung thing ever. Who drinks a glass of wine in a dark, sweaty club? 

He’s afraid to answer him verbally which would give his friend an obvious sign of how he was feeling. So instead he just shrugged – as usual. 

“Dude let’s get out there!” The youngest shouted, motioning his hands to the middle of the club, “dance… maybe find you a girl?” 

Jaebeom watched the people pressing up against each other on the dancefloor, moving their bodies, and drinking like their lives depended on it. He wondered if he wanted to be a part of that. Everyone out there was so full of life and vigor… he just wasn’t. He also didn’t know if he was that drunk, but bless Bambam because he didn’t need alcohol to be out there. 

For what feels like the millionth time, his mind drifted to you. Was this your kind of place? Would you come here? If you did would you come alone? With friends? Someone else? You didn’t seem like the type of person who would like this place. You seemed more like him – the observant, calm, inquisitive type who would much rather be at home with a book than at a party. 

Then for a moment, he can picture it. It’s almost like he’s in a trance – an image of you curled up on a couch – his couch – under a large white cable knit blanket fills his mind. Rather than reading, your painting with watercolors – the kind that seems to be in every elementary school classroom – and he hears a voice out of view. His voice.

“Painting really?”  

Jaebeom sees you glance up from your painting to look at him, smiling.

“Looks like I’m gonna have a lot of time on my hands so… might as well get good at something.” 

Jaebeom hears himself laugh, “Okay but watercolors?” 

He feels like he’s going to pass out when he finally hears it – your laugh. 

“Let the artist work Im Jaebeom! She needs to get good enough to live off auction house money once her paintings get sold! Shh!” Despite your words, you smiled and suddenly moved the tools away from you onto the coffee table. You lifted half the blanket off of you and patted the space of the couch beside you, “you know I can’t say no when you give me that face. Come here.”

And just like that, the vision is gone. Jaebeom feels confused because it didn’t feel like a dream or fantasy, but it felt real… it felt like a memory. 

“Hello, Earth to Jaebeom?” 

Right… dancing. Maybe dancing would help him forget whatever game his mind was playing on him.

“Yeah let’s fucking go.” 

Another instance occurs where Jaebeom blinks and everything moves so fast. Suddenly he’s no longer sat at the table with Bambam and Jinyoung, but instead in the middle of that mess on the dancefloor with everyone else. He almost feels like one of them. He almost feels human again. But as soon as that feeling washes over him, it quickly dissipates. 

He knows it must be the drinks doing all the work, because otherwise, he would have never found himself in the middle of all these people, thinking that dancing is a good idea. Dancing had never done anything remotely good for him before, so why now? To help forget? Was it going to help him do that? 

“I swear it’s like he’s not even here.” 

Jaebeom tuned back into the moment, and it’s when he realizes that Jinyoung and Bambam have been trying to get his attention this entire time.

“Sorry I was just- the alcohol you know…” He says it so quietly that he knows his friends won’t be able to hear him over the music and the millions of conversations happening around them. But he thinks that maybe it’s better that way and that it truly doesn’t matter what he says.

Jinyoung comes closer to Jaebeom, until his mouth is right next to his ear, “we were just asking if there’s anyone that you’re interested in.” 

They’re still on this idea? Jaebeom asked himself. 

Even in his drunken state, he didn’t think that finding some random girl to fuck was going to help with the emptiness he’s been feeling lately, but for the first time since getting up and onto the dance floor he takes in the people around him. As depressing as it was to observe, most people were here with someone else. 

It’s then his gaze falls onto a couple that stands far on the left side of the floor, behind where Jinyoung is standing. The two of them have their fronts pressed up against each other, dancing so closely with arms exploring one another’s bodies. The female has her head resting on the male’s shoulder as if she’s too exhausted to keep going, but can’t dare to part with him. It’s like they’re part of each other and any distance would cause them to lose all sense of themselves.

The girl lifts her head off the male’s shoulder and gives him this look that makes Jaebeom’s heart – if it was still beating – ache. She says something to him and he nodded happily in response. Even through the dim lights and large crowd, Jaebeom could see the sharp teeth inside her mouth.

She placed her head back against his shoulder, this time, however, the male had his head angled back, stretching out his neck. The girl moves in closer until her mouth just ghosts over the skin, breathing on it until the boy shuts his eyes awaiting the sting and pleasure that will come next.

Biting down against his flesh, breaking skin, the girl drinks from her partner. Even though he’s at a distance from them, Jaebeom can tell by the look on the man’s face that he’s enjoying being fed on and that it certainly isn’t his first time. 

He feels like his eyes are frozen on the couple. It’s been so long since he fed off someone instead of the stuff that he gets from his connection at the hospital. Jaebeom tries not to think about the way his fingertips tingle and his throat dries up at the thought of drinking from a warm body. The alcohol has only dehydrated him and made him feel even more thirsty – he’s afraid that going back to the bar and asking Mark for a glass of O negative exclusively isn’t going to make that go away. 

After a moment or two, the girl removes her mouth from the boy’s neck and drags her tongue over the spot where she had drawn blood from, ultimately covering the wound and signaling that she was done drinking. 

He thinks of how risky it is to do that at a place like this. Although half of the people around them also take part in the activity of drinking blooding and granted most of them aren’t paying attention to those around them – there are still unsuspecting humans everywhere. If one wrong person were to see then that could be it for this club being a haven for the vampire community in the city and that would probably be… it for vampires in this city in general. 

But who was he kidding? He was being a hypocrite because he’s for sure done the same thing. 

You’ve once again entered his mind. However, this time it isn’t an image, picture, or vision that occupies his thoughts, but instead just the idea of how you would react to who he is, what he really is. Throughout his time that he’s been undead he’s only done the “reveal” to a handful of people and even then, it took him a long time to get there. Well except for one person who ultimately was a mistake and his friends hadn’t hesitated to let him know.

With you, Jaebeom felt that you wouldn’t be the kind of person to judge him instantly based on what he was. You would be shocked of course, maybe even scared, but you wouldn’t let that cloud your judgment. You wouldn’t let yourself reject something just because it was unfamiliar. 

What the fuck was he on about? 

It must be the alcohol doing this to him. He would have to thank Mark for making them strong this time around, but also make a mental note to never let this happen again. Jaebeom was already a deeper thinker, but this was getting out of hand.

There’s a sudden grasp of Jaebeom’s elbow and he feels himself jump at the sudden touch. His eyebrows furrowed when he realized it wasn’t one of his friends considering Bambam and Jinyoung were both dancing over to his right side. 

When he turned around to greet the person who had grabbed him, he was disappointed, surprised, and annoyed all in one. It was the last person he had expected to see her, except not really because it made perfect sense. 

“Jaebeom… hi.” Ara smiled shyly at him, tucking a string of hair behind her ear and slightly looking down at the ground. He wants to groan because he knows she’s doing this because he had once mentioned that he thought it was hot when she looked innocent. He shouldn’t have ever said that.

He’s not sure what to say, because what are you supposed to say to someone you’ve been trying to avoid for the past year and a half? Jaebeom had said everything he had wanted to say to her. 

At one point in his life, he had been stupid. He had been stupid and he had abused the power that had been bestowed upon him since the day he had been turned. Perhaps one would assume that he’d been foolish with his ability just at the start – 100, maybe even 150 years ago. Instead, Jaebeom had gone through a rough patch about a year or two ago. 

The overwhelming pressure of finding his mate had started to get to him again. All he needed was someone, anyone to break the hypnotic trance and that was it. A task that seemed so simple, yet never came. So, Jaebeom had used hypnotism to his advantage, getting as many girls as he could in his bed in the shortest amount of time possible. He wasn’t proud of it and it was something he would constantly regret as long as he was ali- around. 

One of those girls… had been Ara. 

Jaebeom felt relieved when she didn’t wait for him to answer back at her greeting, “How are you? I-It’s your birthday, right? How old are you turning again? 27?” She winked immediately after her question and he wants to roll his eyes.

She was the mistake by the way. The mistake that knew about who he was. 

He doesn’t even remember how it happened, how his secret slipped, or what the circumstances of her finding out was. Part of him thinks he was just horny, thirsty, and weak, but she found out and she… loved it. 

Weirdly enough, Ara loved the idea of him being a vampire and his “lifestyle” which at first Jaebeom didn’t think too much about. He thought okay she’s taking this extremely well… better than anyone else I’ve ever told, but whatever, but then it became strange. 

She was what those in the vampire community call a “vampire fetishizer.”

He coughed awkwardly, his gaze wandering over to Jinyoung and Bambam, hoping they would catch sight of him stuck with Ara and come rescue him. Jaebeom wasn’t that lucky though, not even on his birthday, “Yeah… 27.” 

Jaebeom can’t help but look at her neck. It’s fully on display and it was clear that Ara had come here to find someone to feed on her. He had been the one to show Ara this place before he had been clued into her little… vampire obsession. 

“Well did the birthday boy get everything he wants today?” She smiled and gave Jaebeom those eyes. He feels his cock twitch in his pants and he realizes he has to keep himself in check because he’s not that weak tonight… right? 

His eyes flash to her neck again and Jaebeom feels his throat get even drier. He was so thirsty and he knows Ara would be so willing. 

No Jaebeom… No. 

“I-I uh yeah… you know got- yeah today’s been good,” he stuttered awkwardly, bringing his tongue out to wet his dry lips. Judging on the look on Ara’s face, she’s taken the action the wrong way. 

“You look thirsty Jaebeom… do you want a drink?” 

He knows what she means and Jaebeom swallows hard in an attempt to distract himself, to remind himself that he’s not that thirsty. He doesn’t need it that bad.

“I-I think I am.” 

The words come out faster than his brain can process to stop them and the part of Jaebeom that’s coherent, sharp, and aware wants to punch the weak and drunk Jaebeom in the face. 

Without a word, Ara turned from Jaebeom and began walking to one of the exits at the side of the club. He feels like he’s the one in a trance, mindlessly following her through the people, not even hearing Jinyoung and Bambam calling out to him. The only thing that Jaebeom makes note of as he follows her is Mark’s face behind the bar, giving him a tight smile. It almost stops Jaebeom. Almost. 

When they finally get outside through the exit door, they find themselves in a small alley between the club and a dry cleaner. 

Jaebeom doesn’t even get a moment to think before Ara is pushing him against the wall of the dry cleaner, her hands roaming up and down his body, her lips going to his own. They’re pressed up against each other so closely that he recalls the couple he had watched earlier. He feels sick comparing this moment now to the two of them. 

“Fuck I missed you so much,” Ara sighed seductively into this ear, making Jaebeom’s stomach churn further at her clear longing for him. Well not him, but the vampire part of him.

“Please, I need it,” she mewled. At her words, he almost puts a stop to this whole thing and has to question whether this is the right thing to do. Jaebeom wonders if this is old Jaebeom behavior – the one that just used women and threw them away later like toys, but then he remembers that this is Ara. She’s using him as well. 

It’s almost as though that old, cocky, snide Jaebeom appears out of nowhere as he says his next words and brings himself closer to her neck, “do you really need it?” 

“Yes, Jaebeom I do, please.” Ara already sounds so desperate and he’s barely done anything. He can’t help but smirk at her reaction.

“Then I guess I better give it to you then.” 

He’s about to do it. He’s about to bite down and finally relieve his thirst, his craving, but then he looks to the side of the alley – towards the street. He feels like he’s seeing things again like he’s in the middle of a hallucination or mirage. That thought is pushed away when he locks eyes with you. 

“Don’t mind me,” you placed your hands up in front of yourself, to show him you’re not eavesdropping. Your action frustrated you because it would have been much better to say nothing, but you felt yourself panic. The prolonged eye contact with him while he’s just seconds away from pressing down – bitting down? – on the girl’s next for some reason pushed you into defensive mode. Not to mention his eyes… his eyes were – red? 

The girl hadn’t noticed you; you aren’t even sure if she heard you, but she certainly noticed Jaebeom’s stare fixated on you. When she faces you, she wears an unpleasant sneer, clearly annoyed by your interruption of whatever this was. 

“Can you go?” She said, the agitation in her voice more than apparent. 

Rather than immediately leave the scene, you continued to stare at Jaebeom. It’s difficult to say why you decided to walk this specific way home despite it being so late and dark out, but for some reason, you couldn’t help but be pulled in this direction. You weren’t someone who believed in signs or fate, but it felt so wrong to go any other way tonight. That was another thing, you felt this kink in your neck that practically forced you or taunted you into looking down the alley between this dry cleaners and club. It was yet another thing about today that felt unexplainable to you as you certainly weren’t expecting the birthday boy from the café today to be in a compromising position with some girl. 

After a moment of more uncomfortable staring – something else that had happened at the café today with him – Jaebeom breaks your gaze and looks down at his feet. The eye roll and acrid look on the girl’s face don’t go unnoticed by you. 

You shouldn’t be here. 

“S-Sorry. I’ll just get going then,” you concluded, unsure why you felt an uncomfortable sickness spread throughout the entirety of your body. 

You barely knew this guy – all you really knew was that today was his birthday and that he was friends with Minji’s boyfriend. Basically nothing. Yet now and even earlier back at the café you had felt this weird sensation within yourself. Not even when you looked at him, but just being in the same presence. It had been so hard to focus on making coffee today when he was seated across the room. Every part of your body just wanted to get closer, gravitate towards him. It was fucking weird… and scary. 

The girl nodded as if to signal “yeah about time,” at the announcement of your departure. Jaebeom on the other hand, still had his eyes glued to the ground as if looking at you once again will cause him some kind of pain.

Just as you’re about to continue your trip back home, you stop yourself and look back at the couple in the alley. 

“Happy birthday by the way…” you paused wondering if it would be weird to say his name considering he doesn’t even know yours, but you shove the thought out of your mind, “Jaebeom…”    

Hearing you say his name causes that tingling feeling in his fingertips to come back and his entire mind is sent into a frenzy. He feels too awkward, too shy to look at you again, but a sudden thought washed over him. What if earlier was a mistake? What if you are his mate? With the way he was currently feeling just at you saying his name, the visions he had in the club and the nonstop place you know had in his mind, it was difficult to believe that you weren’t his mate. 

Bambam and Jinyoung had found it difficult to explain to him what it felt like to find your mate, but surely what he felt right now wasn’t normal behavior or feelings. Unless he was a psychopath. 

Tightly shutting his eyes and drawing together all his strength, Jaebeom aims to try once again to see if you can break the hypnotic trance, unaffected by his abilities. However, as soon as he’s finally ready, head turned up to face you – you’re gone. You didn’t wait for him to respond to the happy birthday message. Instead, you simply left not wanting to be a burden or troublesome to whatever it was those two were doing in that alley. 

“Thank fucking god, let’s get back to it,” Ara concluded with a final roll of her eyes, gripping Jaebeom’s shoulders to get him close to her once again. He stares at her neck, but this time he doesn’t feel anything. He no longer feels thirsty and his appetite is gone. 

Jaebeom shrugs her off slightly. The encounter with you has caused him to wake up and realize what a bad idea it would be to do this right now. He hopes that Ara won’t put up a fight – he doesn’t want to have to hypnotize her if he doesn’t need to. 

At his actions, Ara takes a step away in disbelief, as if she actually can’t believe that Jaebeom is changing his mind and no longer wants her, “are you serious?” 

He doesn’t say anything but instead avoids eye contact with her just as he had done for you. 

Snorting, she glared at him, “Fine. Whatever. I don’t fucking care. I can find someone else to feed off of me. Yours never felt that good anyway. Asshole.”

Just like that, she’s out of his life once again and Jaebeom can’t help but feel thankful. He should have never been weak enough to be dragged out by here anyway. He had just been consumed by thoughts of you, alcohol, and the couple on the dancefloor. Then again, not coming out here would have robbed him of the opportunity of seeing you again and finding out that you actually knew his name. 

That’s when it dawned on him. 

Fuck… how much had you seen? What did you see? 

Jaebeom realized that he might have some explaining to do

[hotboxd]

[ 💌 ] please play the song now

if it were humanly possible i’d never let go of your hand, ever

you said you wanted another one of those notes from the fluster ask and i wasn’t going to do another but then i thought of you and here i am again, i hoped it’d be half as sappy as the other one was but really it’s just my inner thoughts

this morning i accidentally called you “love” in my brain. i don’t think that’s not too odd considering what you call me but it’s funny how you went from “stranger” to “love” in a little over half a year.

i think the best sound on earth is the sound of a page flipping. especially if the book is old. i thought it would always be my favourite sound, but i think coming in second would be your voice, it’s just so sweet. actually no it’d be third, because your laughter is just a little better. not as good as old book pages flipping, but still lovely.

i would bake you cookies any day, any hour, even if i don’t have the ingredients. i would offer other desserts but let’s be honest here i only know how to bake cookies. maybe i’d try out other recipes for you, maybe.

i wonder how highly you think of me, actually i often find myself wondering what you think of me. i guess it’s odd isn’t it, we’re friends who call each other “darling” and “doll” like we’re in some 90’s rom-com and i guess that plays a part to our odd relationship dynamic. and if you were wondering i think pretty highly of you.

i like to imagine in our shared house (remember that? the one we laughed about in the gc) we’d make each other bento boxes. with little character made of rice and everything, like the ones my ma used to make me for lunch. i started making little rice characters in my plates for myself so i like to think i’m getting the hang of it. i’m nowhere close to my ma’s bento but i think you’d appreciate the little shapes i’m coming up with, the heart shapes kind of look like butts though. i think my favourite thing about bento are notes. my ma used to write things like “remember how to spell aeroplane!” or “tennis today, don’t forget to refill your bottle” and i always felt so special because ma would always remember what i said the other night so that the note always made sense. i think if i were to write you a note it’d be something along the lines of “good luck in volleyball! cheering for you in spirit!” or “i love you to pluto and back, because the moon just isn’t far enough” or something. i think we’d send each other cute notes (and i’ll keep them all for sure, even if it’s just for your name written on it)

i wonder what it’d be like if we met each other, i wonder if it’d be as comfortable as it is over text. sometimes i feel as though i’ve known you for years honestly. i don’t want anything to change though, if we did meet each other. i like how everything is right now, i really really like it. do you think we ever will meet each other? i mean we live on opposites sides of the earth but if you ever did come over to jolly old england be sure to tell me, i’d love to come meet you.

but i should get back to the more lovey dovey sappy things i wanted to write. i think it’s really cool that you know what you want, i love that you can do that because i can’t. i think it’s really sweet how you’re so undeniably you. although that sounds really disney channel i really think it’s just so sweet.

some of your jokes make me snort laugh, i sound like a pig but i can’t help it. my ma thinks it’s weird that i suddenly laugh at my phone because it’s usually not a snort. ma also thinks it’s odd that i suddenly grin like an idiot all of a sudden. i think i find it odd too, but who wouldn’t grin when they’ve got you on their mind.

your clothes must be huge, i’m nowhere near as tall as you so i wonder if youd let me wear your clothes. im sure you have immaculate fashion taste, just wonder if i could fit in any of them and whether i’d look like me when i was 9 wearing my cousin’s large shirt that went to my knees.

i always like to imagine sharing a bed with all my friends in a platonic way. like those huge beds that go from wall to wall? i don’t think any of us would get sleep but it’d be fun. i bet bay and val would either spoon each other or sleep back to back like )( that. they’d look hilarious but adorable at the same time, just very nose boopable. i wonder how we’d sleep, i know bay and i sleep very separately until bay gets a little too much sleep and rolls around. i feel like you and i would do something dumb like sleep horizontally with our feet touching the wall and our ears touching, it just seems very cool. and to carry onto that you definitely would stop me from rolling off the bed, definitely.

i’d let you eat some of my red velvet cake. now you may be wondering “why red velvet?”, well it’s red velvet because i don’t let anyone eat my red velvet cake. so you better feel special i’m letting you eat some.

ah i think that’s it today, i hope you enjoyed dear evan hansen as you read this, i love you doll <33

- funnily enough, i had a thought of holding your hand today, you know that thing where two people compare their hand sizes? well, there's this thing one of my friends did to me at practice, where they intertwined their fingers with mine when we tried comparing our hands. i'd love to do that with you!! - your voice is beautiful to me, i find it calming honestly. even if you were talking about something mundane and boring like algebra or something else, i would never stop listening, not even for a second. - i hope you're happy to know that i do actually think highly of you. you're someone i hold close to my heart, someone i cherish very much. and yeah, i have thought of what you must think of me before. when i first met you, it was 'does keiko think i'm annoying? am i too much?', now it's more like 'do they care as much for me as i do for them?' - i like to leave little notes for my friends at school, in quite odd places. i remember i stuck a sticky note on a younger teammate's jersey when they first received it, it wasn't really a big one, just a few words of encouragement for an upcoming practice match. i can't really cook anything as detailed and pretty as bento (which i have no doubt that you could do, you seem like someone whose cooking would make someone feel all happy and warm.), but i would find a way to give you a note, maybe on the inside of your jacket, taped onto your bedroom door or the fridge. - i'd like to think that we live in a small world, and we'll meet eventually, maybe in a few years, who knows? though finally being able to see your in person, without the screen between us, would maybe change some things, i don't think much will change. - i can imagine that happening, sometimes i look at a message you sent that's something sappy or funny or whatever, and i have this stupid grin on my face because even though they're just words on a screen that'll eventually get buried in the pokemon bot and bay and val's endless stream of nonsense (/lh), they still manage to stand out to me like a pretty butterfly or a flower with beautiful petals. - honestly, i imagine that in our shared house your closet would just have a side dedicated to my clothes that you either took or that i gave to you and decided not take back. i'd let you wear my cringy camp t-shirts or those hoodies i'd impulse bought when my team went to provincials. - i would!! honestly instead of just pulling you away from the the edge i would just hold you until the morning. i have a feeling that you're either a human heater or a literal ice cube, but i wouldn't mind either one of them. - trust me i feel honoured that you're giving me red velvet cake privileges woah that was a lot of typing, but hey, now you have personalized responses to almost all the things you said in this ask. i love you too my darling, and the music was really good <3