#Im sick so I just wouldnt go and thats ir

[raksh-writes]

Ugh, the mortifying ordeal of having to write emails to your professors that you're gonna be absent from classes the next days. Ugh. I hate it...

[kusundei]

i dont know what the fuck is up with me today but god do i feel horrible. like i feel bad. not even just like a sad way just like i feel like shit and like. really. pessimistic if anything. like i never rlly get lkke this truly it usually foes away after a while and it probably will in a bit its just. i think my mom is just truly making it worse. its so annoying why are you here? if you werent home i wouldve done all of thjs ebfkre yoy guys came home anyway why are you bothering me over and over again. i hate when people tell me to do rhings which is a really like. bratty thing to say but it makes me so upset??? im so upset for no reason. god and she just wont fucking quit it with the money and the hours and the this and this and this. holding shit over my head like it matters like okay what if i kill myself. and acting over and kver again like im fucking useless and im an idiot and im dumb. you do realize if you want me to improve you have to tell me right? like in the moment? if youre still “teaching me” then tell me AS im driving. why the fuck would you sit there and wait last minute as i make the same mistakes (which are not. even. mistakes.) over and over. like okay im braking too late? tell me when it brake. because it works for me but if thats so awful dor you then let me know. why didnt you mention i didnt have both hands on the wheel? i just do it cuz im going straight. i do it normally anyway but like still if its such an issue then just say so??? but no theyll hold that over my head. “youre not ready yet” “you think you know everything” like okay fuck you. im sorry for trying. for trying to be ahead and to have plans and to take some initiative for once because all you complain about is that i dont ever do anything w my life. i have no plans and im a failure but nooo i cant . cant do anything. im trying?? how hard is that to see??? and they keep using it over me. everytime i see jonathan i just remember what he said about me that night and jts never rlly gone away. like what the fuck is wrong with you??? if it was coming from my mom then sure. fine. whatever. shes my mom but who the fuck are you to say that? you’re fucking awful. you two both make me sick and neither of you can see when youre in the wrong because NEITHER of you are ever in the wrong. youre always right. cause im a kid. i dont grt it i dpnt understand. my life isnt hard im not doing alot like god fucking forbid i am a teenager? im still trying to take initative despite that to place myself in a good place once i graduate but always. i will always get pushed back somehow and its so fucking annoying.

imxjusr sooo. tired. maybe this is what it is i got TOO much sleep. knew it when i went to bed at what??? 11???? thats so early. imcjsuf so annoyed i cant im sorry i dont get more hrs??? and im trying im trying im trying. its just so annoying when i get pestered and patronized and i cant do anyhting about it because ill just be lashed again. like god fucking whatever ill just kill myself. would that fit into yoyr schedule? make yoyr life easier? less bills? less to worry about? since all i do is take up space and waste resources. im wasting everything. im sorry for taking up space. i try so hard not to but nooo i cant completely disappear and it just weighs down soooo much on the two of you. im sorry you have another kid. im sorry liam wasnt your only child and you still have a family. im sorry you didnt jusr send me out to live with my dad or sent me with sam but yoy wouldnt have survived without me but im sorry you didnt find jonathan sooner. yoy two wouldve killed each other and im waiting for the day you two realize that what yoy have isnt normal and you get sick of him the same way you got sick of sam because that man tried everything to appease you. thats why irs so awful because hes so much better than i am. if he couldnt do it what makes me think i can? of course im your kid but still. same shit. i cant jusr flee. i cant go anywhere. im stuck here in the same situation ife been in for years. i jusr kept praying and wishing at some point theyd swap rheir attention towards something else and finally leave me alone. treat me like a roommate. why even bother trying to parent me when youre such an awful one?

i dont like cpndemning ever. especially jot towards my mom but god. god god god. im so exhausted just leave me alone. leave me and move on. focus on spmething else. you’ll realize how much happier yoyd be if you just let it go and let me go. it would benefit all of us why do we keep bothering? and i got it the first time? “do you have any questions?” like bitch? youre so fucking annoying. giggling about the fact youre just getting another bonus cause im working now. fuck yoy and your maternity leave. i would never condemn liam for justexisting that man hasnt done anything and hes not even here yet its just YOU. 16 years with you im sick of it and im tired and feel bad for wjatever is to come for that kid. ans shes just fucking malding over ajd over again i did wjat yoy asked already but no theres always more. more more more because you cant fucking do it yourself . yoyre pregnant whatever i dont fucking care im just so. upset? angry? annoyed? i just feel very negative. im sick of your voice and your face and everything about you. leave me alone. i’ll do it. just do your fucking work????? go bake your cookies like???? fuck off genuinely before i like actually kill myself

[nosecondivelived]

vent tw suicide tw

was just about to make a post about what a good day today has been but then got hit by a sudden wave of unexplainable sadness /srs /lh

i want to get better, i do but sometimes i feel like its all pointless. i had a great lunch today, went to see wakanda forever, which is like one of the best films ive ever seen, i hadnt been this happy in fucking ages man. but im still here, alone at night, sitting in my room. this is the happiest ive been recently, but i still want to kill myself. theres an idea associated with the joker that one bad day can turn even the best person into a horrible one. sometimes i think thats true, mostly because if it is true, then that means that one good day could turn a horrible person into a good one, or a miserable person into the most joyful jolly bastard youve ever seen. but that cant be true because ive had the best fucking day ive had in ages and im still goddamn miserable. if a day as great as this one doesnt make me not want to slit my fucking throat and jump off a building then what am i fucking waiting for. the only reason ive been alive is that i dont want to go out without fighting, but its been so fucking long. im so fucking tired. i have no who i can tell about this irl, so ive had to spend years being my own goddamn intervention. i got into ongoing tv shows so i wouldnt off myself cause i had to know what happened next. i booked concert tickets and set my sights on things i loved months and years in advance because i knew otherwise i would off myself. im so sick of this. why god why please. i need to get better, i cant stand feeling like this, i cant stand living like this. its been years, ive had good days, but i always end up alone at night thinking of ways to kill myself. its been so long. ive been trying to get better please i have i promise i have please please please i cant do this anymore please god i cant i fuxking cant i cant i cant i cant i cant please god why olease okease please okease i cant fuxking do this okease god please i want to get better please im trying i promise ive been trying but irs mot fuckinh working i cant god i cant holy fuck i cant i just cant pkease please please please why god why please

[thelifetimechannel]

The Dave and Dirk log, for obvious reasons, was something I wanted to try very hard to get right. That meant although we drafted it together via msparp, as was our custom, I ended up overhauling it way more than any of our other combo walkaround logs. A few chunks did survive the transfer, though.

In other news, we’ve made a solemn pact to finish TLC over winter break, which is good because I’m running out of bonus content. Hopefully we’ll have some assets to show off soon. I’ve already seen a few; they’re very nice.  

DIRK: Hey, dude. You did pretty well out there. DIRK: Didn't even die once. DAVE: twice in a day is my max im satisfied with keeping that record DAVE: even if getting machinegunned is rapidly becoming my "thing" DIRK: Seems we each have our respective "signature deaths". DIRK: Or at least it ain't a party until I get decapitated. That sure was something we needed to do again. DIRK: Just once, for old time's sake. DAVE: well that puts the nail in the meme coffin DAVE: any time you panic someones gonna tell you to keep your head on DAVE: like keeping your hair on except you know that shit aint going anywhere its probably shellaced DIRK: That shit is bolted to the floor. Did you know I walked around with a girly-ass pink tiara on my head this whole day and had no idea? DIRK: I had no idea. Couldn't feel a thing. DIRK: And people let me do that. DIRK: Can't fuckin' believe it. DAVE: oh DAVE: i figured you knew DIRK: I am less than pleased with my Skaia-ordained divine color scheme. DIRK: But I guess I have to live with it. It's part of the team aesthetic. DAVE: you could always change DIRK: Nah, with the tiara and tights ditched I have at least mitigated the enforced flamboyance. It's bearable. DIRK: I can't be the one dude out of uniform. Couldn't bear the shame. DAVE: my outfit is pretty sick ngl DAVE: sburb knows everyones secret desire is to have a cape DIRK: Unfortunately, mine isn't long enough to also make for a good tactical maneuver. DIRK: Not gonna lie, that was pretty funny. DAVE: if nothing else my attempts at combat can provide a source of humor in our lives DAVE: but honestly id be fine if my fighting days were over DAVE: i was never into it DAVE: rose on the other hand was obviously itching to beat people up DAVE: one of those 12 year olds who wants to get jumped in an alley to work out her suppressed anger DIRK: Maybe Skaia did make a few miscalculations in dumping your asses with your respective guardians. I think you'd get along well with Roxy and her cats, make her budget her time away from the alcohol. DIRK: ...in theory. DIRK: Rose can go a few rounds with me if she wants, we still need to sort out who has the rights to document our legendary journies. DAVE: ill plan your funeral DAVE: what kind of flowers do you want DIRK: ...there's different kinds? DAVE: damn thats right you grew up in waterworld DAVE: these choices matter DAVE: allegedly theres a thing called "flower language" DAVE: whether you can actually send someone a boquet telling them to meet you in the pit i dont know DIRK: Like, I get that, in theory, different kinds of flowers exist. But I fully anticipate any attempt on my part to conjugate in the language of said plants would end in my coffin declaring my hovercraft was indeed full of eels. DIRK: Maybe it'll have thorns on it. Or it'll be like the sixteen millions tons of green bullshit covering my land and making my nose itch. DAVE: probably DIRK: Worst case scenario, I'll pick out something orange and present to a prospective love interest and it'll mean something like "my brotherly passion for you knows no boundaries, and also no homo". DAVE: my bro wouldnt go for flower arranging DAVE: or pink tiaras DAVE: he was pretty uptight about the whole rah rah macho act DAVE: probably subscribed to alpha males weekly DAVE: which is weird considering DAVE: well DAVE: youre gay right DIRK: Uh. DIRK: Well. DIRK: My symbolic quest land is not covered in green bullshit, but I. DIRK: Happen to like watching birds, if you know what I mean. DIRK: Fuck, you probably don't know what that means. Jake and his goddamn thousand euphemisms. DAVE: cant say i do no DIRK: Nobody knows what it means but Jake. It's an old time epithet for being into dudes. DIRK: He knows all the old epithets, including some I suspect he made up. DAVE: so DAVE: thats a yes DAVE: in a roundabout way that includes birds DIRK: I've never denied it. DIRK: I'm just. DIRK: Not a huge fan of the word. Why, in this world post-society, do we need to confine ourselves to labels like "gay"? Such constraints were washed away from my world with the rest of the human race. DAVE: holy shit that was such a pretentious dodge DAVE: dont let rose hear you say that DIRK: Rose can hear all she likes. DAVE: but anyway DAVE: i wasnt asking to get up all in your business like SOME PEOPLE DAVE: who are so into getting into other peoples businesses theyre basically the fucking mafia or the irs DAVE: but DAVE: it explains some stuff DAVE: but on the other hand it doesnt DAVE: the way you raised me was kinda aggressively mainstream masculine enough that it wasnt something that ever seemed to come up as an option DAVE: [describe that type of culture and mindset better later, I KNOW what i mean but im tired rn lmao] DAVE: and anything outside of that id just brush off because it couldnt apply to me DAVE: and that went for pretty much everything that went against what you wanted for me DAVE: including that DIRK: And yet, here the man was, subconsciously shrieking his desire for floppy felt dong through, DIRK: What I guess you could call his art, for want of any other applicable word at all. God, the mental images are crawling up the insides of my skull like the Exorcist child, do I want to know? DAVE: probably not DAVE: guess trying to act peak male has its drawbacks DAVE: weirdly enough troll culture is obsessively hyperviolent but doesnt give a shit about sexuality DAVE: they dont see the difference most of the time i guess DAVE: and so like DAVE: maybe it rubs off on you because in some ways that kind of makes sense DAVE: but after so long its hard to know what i feel and what it means because i spent so long ignoring it DAVE: so i guess i was wondering DAVE: if you had anything that might help with that DAVE: or if youre also trapped in this whirling screaming maelstrom of bullshit DAVE: while kinsey sits in the eye of the storm laughing DIRK: Wait, wait, wait. DIRK: You're coming to me. DIRK: For advice. DIRK: Do you know what a laughable hurricane of disaster my interpersonal life has been? DIRK: Like, in a weird way, I'm kind of honored, especially since about five hours ago you were scared shitless to be around me, but. DIRK: I'm standing here and waving my credentials in the air just to display how I don't fucking have any. My degree is a sham and my hands are empty except for a crudely scribbled on piece of construction paper. DAVE: are you suggesting theres a gay university DAVE: where you study bird watching DIRK: Do I look like a man who's been to college? DAVE: fair DAVE: but like DAVE: your friends know DAVE: how did you broach the subject there DIRK: I might as well have been dating a Yoko Ono for the devastation it wreaked on our friend group, so yeah, it was a little hard to ignore. DIRK: Compounded by the fact some smartass from Gay University was using my social circle for romance geometry homework. DIRK: It wasn't even a love triangle so much as a love roundabout. DAVE: ok but thats just because you were a dipshit not a gay dipshit DAVE: they were chill about the first part right DIRK: Thanks. DIRK: I mean... Roxy always seemed disappointed. DAVE: luckily i dont think anyones waiting in line for me DAVE: i guess im blowing it out of proportion DAVE: i dont think anyone will MIND DAVE: no one did about rose and kanaya DAVE: didnt even question the vampire bit which goes to show what our lives are like these days DAVE: like ok our outfit has vampires now DAVE: thats a thing that we have DAVE: if i say oh hey i might be bisexual theyll just say sure pull up a chair at the acronym table DAVE: the only one who might be weird about it is john DAVE: but hed be just as weird if i told him id changed my favorite color hes just like that DAVE: the only person its really a big deal for is me DIRK: Jane was a little bit like that. I'm pretty sure the only reason she had to object was because she found out the day I made a move on her crush. DIRK: It might just be growing up in a household where you're not regularly fighting for your life, and thus what genders are kissing whom has the space to be higher on your priority list. DAVE: that aint anyones priority these days DAVE: im prepared to acknowledge the concept that hey maybe everyone elses lives dont revolve around me and my personal drama or self revelations might have some merit at least as a hypothesis DAVE: when i met kid english he kept going on about how i was the most important person and everyone else was side characters DAVE: and maybe ive acted like that sometimes DIRK: Yeah, like you alone are the one responsible for everyone around you. DAVE: and maybe ive acted like i think that way too sometimes DAVE: ive been wrong about people DAVE: people i care about people i shouldve known better DAVE: i was wrong because i wanted to believe things that matched how i wanted the world to be DAVE: things that made it easier for the story i was telling myself DAVE: i dont think kid english meant to call me on it but damn DIRK: Reality is, after all, something we construct for ourselves. DIRK: I think maybe I knew that all along when I surfaced for air inbetween shoving my head as far up my ass as it would go. DIRK: Or maybe that's just what I try to tell myself in hindsight. DAVE: well if it takes a hyperactive 12 year old version of the final bosss creepy hero worship of me to make a point i guess thats not the least subtle way the universe has sent me a message lately DIRK: You want unsubtle? Let me tell you about my damn planet quest. DAVE: haha DAVE: i didnt have to do much of my quest because im invisible DAVE: thanks mom DIRK: My denizen practically sat me down like it was my life coach and growled in my ear about improving my communication skills with a guy I told to go fuck himself not eighteen hours prior. DIRK: So while I'm glad SBURB has a vested interest in me repairing my friendships, playing electroshock death DDR with him was a little on the nose. DAVE: maybe getting shot again wasnt that bad DAVE: so weve all learned our life lessons good job team DIRK: Exactly. Can we wrap this up now? Can we please go rest? DIRK: I'm so exhausted I haven't even noticed I'm still hungover. DAVE: sure thing DAVE: but if i need tips on leaping out of a closet to intimidate passerby i might text you DIRK: I mean, I can try. As long as you don't ask me for dating tips. That, I definitely shouldn't be helping you with. DIRK: Go talk to your sister for that. DIRK: ...wouldn't she, by the transitive property of siblings, also be my sister? DAVE: yeah i guess DAVE: but theres no way in hell im asking rose for dating advice DAVE: on her first date which she refused to admit was romantically oriented she got wasted in anticipation forgot to show up and then fell down the stairs DIRK: Oh my god. DAVE: she tries to look like shes got her shit together but its a lie DAVE: if you find my corpse floating on lolar in the next few hours dont let the truth die with me DIRK: Why are we like this? DIRK: Is there actually something hardwired into our DNA that predisposes us to being disasters? DIRK: But, that aside. DIRK: I won't object if it's me you come to talk to. DAVE: ill hold you to it DAVE: and if you ever want to publicly you admit you DAVE: "enjoy birdwatching" DAVE: in less vague and evasive terms DAVE: ill have your back DIRK: Thanks.

[lokbobpop]

Fair

Fair derives from Old English faeger (beautiful, lovely, pleasant), which came from the Germanic and Norse fagar and fagr for beautiful. Until the 1550s, fair was used to describe a beautiful or attractive person with no regard to the color spectrum, and indeed with not much regard to sex

Fairness is when everyone is treated equally and no one is left out. People that are fair follow the rules in sports, games, activities, and in their community. They are honest and trustworthy. ... Fairness is very important in a community.

Fair f air fa ir fare

Writing fair

Was it fair i was didn’t know what others did at school it seemed very unfair that I couldn’t learn like them i didnt feel right that I couldn’t do what they did easily it gelt very unfair and frightening to me i didnt know what was wrong no body could tell me what was wrong i was just slow and thats it but i though why why why i wan to be like al the others as it wasnt fair when i came ot sports I couldn’t do that either i just didnt know why i was slow my body wouldnt do what other people body’s would do it wouldn’t move like others bodies move when i ran i was told i run like a duck chest out and it looked funny bu then a run I couldn’t feel this at all but all thought it was funny i hated this part of school for sure but just imagine i would of been so much worse i had some looks which mad boy interested imagine if i didnt have that my life would of been very uneventful im sure i wouldnt be out parting clubbing i would of been plain Jane sat a home with nobody and hopefully i would have met someone who would like me. So it might not of been fair but it was what it was and i hope me fully getting through this i can help another see its not everything what you fail at its just a part of you not all.

Reading fair

Cutting that chocolate again lol so it was fair

My mother liking my brother more than me and my drunken father liking me more than my brother when my dad told me this in my teens i was a bit gutted my mum didnt love me as much and i swore blind id never do that to my children then a forturn teller in my 30s said it again you will like the younger one better an i thought no way and i dont i can honestly say i not like one better than another i like different parts of each one equally i really do just because someone says something you really don’t have tp believe this made me realize this about myself nothing is set in stone change is always available to you look at me and all this writing i wouldnt for a millions years 10 years ago say id be doing this but here i am i love this part of me.

Fun fare coem up like going to fare i love antique fares the best when i was younger wed go to coin fares and postcard fares then theres fun fare with all the ride which i hated because i felt sick al the time pin them yep i didnt and dont like scary rife or ride that make me sick.

We are all uneven when it comes to fairness on this planet its ll out of balance and unfair for so many who are starving to death everyday where is there fair where is there food like mine what os fare here nothing at all life isnt fair its all uneven.

Saying fair

Fairs fair like when you’ve been hit at school someone hits back and you say fairs fair you did it so will i then my brother and i would do this hit each other until one thought ot was fair but what is fair does this have ot sort fair out i think not nothing it actually fair right now we have to step out of out blame to make fair fro all and stop the blame of another having more or done more to another to stop the cycle of being unfair.

Is it fair i eat tonight and hundreds of thousands of people dotn eat nothing is this fair? No its not fair and fare from it i need to create fair within me to be fair to mysel fall the time so others can see what fare id i need to stop beating myself up and be fair to me to myself if i fare to me life will be much easier i dont need ot beat myself up I just need to be fair with myself.

Sf

Does this definition support me no ive not been fair to others or even myself within my thoughts about myself and the judgement i have had on another this also hasn’t been fair who know what they have been through what they have believed about themself who knows so how can i judge another when i have never been them or never will be them and only me i have ot be fair to me so others can see fair to themselves

Fair care

Fair

To live within oneself a person of whats best for all to see all as equal to self to have no imbalance within me so other can see where they might be out of balance so they can change whats no t correct within themselves.

I will live this word to be fair on me to live whats fair for me to support me fairly not to judge me or another unfairly to see all as equal and fair its its fair within me im fair so all can see and be fair i and a fair taskmaster of myself.

[batmanpaynox]

Who: Niam  when: 13th January 2017 where: Ireland  description: Liam returns home and all truth is out 

@niall-xhoranrp

Liam: Liam came

Liam: Home earlier than he was supposed too he couldn't handle being over there the way things were it was adding stress to everything. He went inside of the house seeing Amy playing with her toys. "Hey baby girl" he smiled to her kneeling down

Niall: Niall was watching some tv as the door opened swallowing hard as liam cane inside but kept his eyes on the tv

Liam: Liam glanced over at him before turning back to Amy "in back earlier than I'm meant to be...."

Niall: Niall didnt say anything just kept his eyes on the tv

Liam: "Shall we go out today baby girl?" He spoke to Amy

Niall: "make sure to dress her well its been cold" he muttered

Liam: "I will...." he gulped standing up holding his hand out for her

Niall: niall nodded and made his way upstairs

Liam: Liam wrapped her up warm in her coat and hat lifting her to carry her. He looked up the stairs taking a small sigh

Niall: he took a deep breath feeling his stomach twist he had no idea what do so

Niall: do

Liam: Liam was hoping Niall would come but he didn't. He just took Amy out to have some fun together he kissed her so much. He was out for a few hours and came back home with her sleeping in his arms

Niall: Niall packed a bag and left a note hes at his moms planning to stay there for the night

Liam: "Niall?" He shouted out hearing how quiet it was looking around for him till he saw the note. He felt awful for what was going on he knew it was his fault. He placed Amy into the car seat Driving to nialls mums house knocking at the door.

Niall: Niall had just walked in and straight to bed. his mom opened givibg him a soft smile "hes upstairs"

Liam: Liam nodded handing Amy gently to his mum not wanting her to be around when he was with Niall. He walked up knocking at the door

Niall: Niall kept quiet holding his pillow to him with back to door obvious he been crying

Liam: He walked into the room carrying a cup of coffee for him that his mum handed him placing

Liam: If it on the side. He sat down on the edge of the bed

Niall: he looked at him not surprised he would come

Liam: He bit his lip "I'm sorry I just left...and the way I have been"

Niall: he sat up" i thought we were better that we could talk to each other, you just came home pissed and then left for days wothout a word"

Liam: "I wanted to talk to you but my head was messed up, I didn't want to take everything out on you how I was feeling so I had to leave, I was scared I'd be worse and really hurt you with words I say. Just seeing your face when I said about sex it made me realise I should go. I kicked off at everyone when I was there, to the point they nearly dropped me... I don't know what's happening to me"

Niall: "it doesn't matter liam, you didnt wcen say bye to me and when you go home it was like i didnt exist. "

Liam: "I kept looking at you before I spoke to Amy but you were just watching tv then went upstairs, I was wanting you to come out with us like that day I said we would have. I dropped everything to come home. You said you didn't care and I upset you how could I say bye it felt like I shouldn't be there"

Niall: Niall wiped some tears just looking down. "you should go home"

Liam: "I came back to sort things... going home is just going to make everything worse if keep avoiding"

Niall: "dont give me that when ur the one who just left "

Liam: "I've just said I came back to talk and to sort things, is this how it's just going to be?"

Niall: "what did you expect? me to jump in your arms? ive felt like shit since you left"

Liam: "I didn't expect that but I thought we could talk about it. I had no choice but to leave they lost everything.... all my music went, I had to record them all again, I was supposed to be there a few weeks but I've worked all day and all night non stop to finish to come home to you" he looked to him "I'm sorry I've made you feel like shit, and I'm sorry how bad I am to you, and how I treated you, I shouldn't of I know"

Niall: "and it didnt accure to you to tell me that before you left ir give me a call? u cane back pushed me away and left . did you think i was honna figure that out myself? "

Liam: "I wasn't going to go I was going to quit everything, so we can have a normal life, as if it was a sign to say don't do it, but it was swirling around in my head, I just didn't know what to do and I panciked"

Niall: "you should of called.. we went to therapy liam because we needed ti talk to each othet and you just did the oposit, ive been blaming myself for days thinking i did something ready to pack my bags when you came home because i thought you wanted me away"

Liam: "I didn't want to talk to you over the phone I wanted to talk properly, you haven't done anything, it's my fault, all of it" he looked down "I do want you around, I just didn't want to be horrible to you"

Niall: "you wouldnt of been if you talked to me"

Liam: "But I couldn't without feeling angry, and I didn't want to take it out on you"

Niall: "can you stop with the excuses"

Liam: "They aren't excuses Niall" he sighed softly

Liam joined the chat 7 days ago

Niall: he looked away staying quiet

Liam: "It doesnt matter what i say you just going to say they are excuses"

Niall: "fine push me away again, don´t talk to me, but if you´re not going to say anything or try to understand how messed up it´s been you might as well go home"

Liam: "Im not even pushing you away, i was telling you but you keep saying its excuses, so i said doesnt matter what i say your going to keep saying it and im trying to say it, im trying niall, i seriously dont know what you want"

Niall: "I want you to at least understand what you did and try to make sense of it all instead of explaining to me what happened try to make it up to me, i´m sat here and I feel so far away from you, how about kiss me or touch me or let me know you still want me. Or tell me whats been going on because it kills me, I don´t know how to react"

Liam: "I do understand what ive done." he climbed up onto the bed crawling over to him. He lifted his head up "I aways want you, and always will, nothing for you has change ever, i still love you as much as i did when we first got together" he stroked his cheek kissing him softly

Niall: he looked at him with his tired eyes from crying kissing him back carefully. "please don´t leave like that again."

Liam: "Im not going to leave like that again, im staying here now, just me you and amy"

Niall: he nodded kissing him softly again " whats going on liam?"

Liam: "What you mean whats going on?" he bit his lip looking at him

Niall: "with you music" he asked looking concerned at him

Liam: "i ws nearly finished everything getting it ready for release, and they called me up saying theylost everything, all the recordings i worked hard on, it was either re do everything or not release anything"

Niall: "babe i´m so sorry " he stroke his cheek

Liam: "its just stressing me out really bad and i just dont know what to do anymore, im tired and sick because of how much ive been working this week its just so hard"

Niall: Niall moved climbing up into his lap stradeling him so he could get a good grip on him hugging him tightly

Liam: Liam wrappd his arms around him hugging into him nuzzling his face into his chest he just sat quietly hugging him

Niall: "I would of been there for you babe" he said playing with his hair

Liam: "I know, i just didnt want you caught up in the middle of it and see me that way"

Niall: he looked at him " i rather see every part of you than be pushed out baby"

Liam: "I know i'm sorry i just didnt think... thats my problem i dont think i just do it"

Niall: he chewed on his inner lip p"hows things now?"

Liam: "I managed to record a fair bit but i didnt want to stay over there, i feel better"

Niall: he nodded" okay" he kissed him softly " i love you

Liam: He kissed him softly in return "i love you too"

Niall: "good" he smiled softly

Liam: "how are you feeling? he asked softly looking at him

Niall: "i got a headache, but im good now when im back in your arms"

Liam: "Do you want some tablet or anything?" he stroked onto his hair

Niall: "yeah" he nodded " can you get me one?"

Liam: "Yeah i will ask your mum and get you some water and stuff"

Niall: "thank you" he kissed him again softly " do you want to go home or can we stay here for the night?"

Liam: "We can stay here, dont want you moving too much when you got a headache and amy is sleeping so i think its best to keep her settled" He kissed him softly standing up

Niall: he nodded laying down sighing as he looked up the ceiling hating a his head

Liam: Liam went to get him some tablets and some water, and something to eat incase he hadn't eaten before taking some tablets. He went back upstairs after making sure Amy was okay but she was still with Nialls mum so he didn't have to worry. He walked back in placing the water down sitting back on the bed. "i got you something to eat i dont want you feeling weak with the tablets" he handed him the small plate first

Niall: he sat up "thank you" he took the water and the tablett and swallowed it down

Liam: "Why don't you take a nice bath to relax yourself and your head might ease a little"

Niall: "im too tired to bath" he pouted" cant we just lay here? can rest my head on your chest and feel you close again"

Liam: "Okay no bath" he smiled taking off his clothing to his boxers to sleep in because that's all he had. He climbed under the covers opening his arms "its freezing in here, how are you so warm"

Niall: "im sweating" he said placing his head on his chest

Liam: Liam reached grabbing a wet sponge to press to nialls head "babe I don't think you are doing good, but your like my hot water bottle"

Niall: "im sweating all over you" he sat up a little "im sorry"

Liam: "Keep this on your head" he placed the sponge on his forehead "you should get checked over"

Niall: "no im fine might be a fever but its all ok" he laid on his back

Liam: "If it gets worse or you feel worse please go..." he looked down at him still cooling his body

Niall: he nodded"i promise" he gave him a small smile "i love you"

Liam: "Thank you" he was worried every time Niall was sick he hated it and wished he could do more. "I love you" he whispered stroking his cheek

Niall: he closed his eyes enjoying his touch not taking long before he ended up falling asleep

Liam: He made sure he was asleep kissing his forehead softly "sleep tight my baby" he whispered laying down beside him drifting not long after

Niall: Niall kept waking up feeling shit during the night finally able to sleep well in the norning

Liam: Liam kept checking on him when he woke. Making sure he was okay. He woke early in the morning laying quietly

Niall: niall woke up a bit after liam running his hands over his face

Liam: "Morning" he whispered "how you feeling?" He asked almost straight away showing his worry

Niall: "i bit better" he said quietly looking at him

Liam: "good, glad you feeling a bit better" he kissed him softly

Niall: he kissed him back giving him a small smile

Liam: "You look all tired baby" he pouted to him

Niall: "i haven´t slept well" he cuddled closer to him " how are you baby?"

Liam: "Is there anything i can do for you" he rubbed onto his back soothingly. "I'm okay now im back here with you"

Niall: he gave him a soft smile " just be here with me?"

Liam: "I'm not planning on going anywhere" he grinned kissing his head softly

Niall: he smiled enjoying his lips on his skin " you know if amy is awake?"

Liam: "No she was sleeping in your mums room with her so didn't dare go in incase I woke your mum, she might of shouted" he laughed softly

Niall: he smiled up at him taking his hand in his " I don´t think my mom would of liked that"

Niall: "she likes you , but not uninvited to her bedroom"

Liam: He linked their fingers playing softly with nialls "she would die if she woke up and saw me in there, and I don't want her to hate me"

Niall: "my mom would never hate you.. unless you hurt me or amy which i know you´ll never do" he kissed his hand

Liam: "I could never hurt you both, I'd hate myself and couldn't live with it" he smiled softly "did I hurt you when I left...."

Niall: he looked at him swallowing" you did...i thought it was me, it hurt me you didnt talk and that youd just leave without saying bye, even if i was angry, you didnt call either and i thought me calling would make it worse ,"

Liam: Liam nodded "I knew I did, I hated myself for just leaving, I wanted to call but I was scared you wouldn't want to talk to me after what I did and how I treated you, I was so horrible to you, I still have forgive myself for doing it, but I'll never do it again, I wanted you there, to help me, pick me back up when I fell, but I didn't give you that chance"

Niall: "let me help you now" he stroke his thimb over the back of his hand" and promise not to do that again"

Liam: A tear slipped down his cheek he finally let himself break not often letting himself cry he always was strong for Niall. He nodded "I don't know if I can do it Niall."

Niall: Niall sat up as he saw him cry wiping his tear before pulling to him " yes you can baby, i know you can"

Liam: Liam cuddled into him "but I see you and your amazing and you shine so much out there, what if people still don't like me? Or the style of music? I worry every time I go in there