Sorry for disappearing again. I’m popping back on here to give a little update on my life for anyone who cares. August was a really really reallyyy awful month for me. First I was spiraling abt my ex situationship and then the first wk of the semester I started dealing w a lot of harassment from classmates and I realized it was my own “friends” that started it and spread a bunch of awful untrue rumors abt me as well as my private text conversations w them 😃 And the stress from all of that literally caused me to have a psychotic episode and spiral even more so that was fun. I actually came close to ending my life bc it was so bad. I think that was the first time I’ve ever had a full blown psychotic episode and it was absolute hell, like I’ve never been so fucking terrified in my life. I didn’t even know it was possible to have thoughts as dark as the ones I was having. This caused me to fall really behind in my classes so now I’m having to catch up while also being very scatterbrained. And this WAS going to be my last semester but now I’m gonna have to graduate later bc of all of this 🥰 It literally feels like they sabotaged me right before the finish line like I’ve never been so pissed off in my life. But one good thing that came out of it is I’ve now figured out I probably have schizotypal personality disorder or sth similar which would explain why I have such a hard time making friends and maintaining relationships. I think I come off a lot colder than I mean to and so I give ppl mixed signals on accident. It’s kind of awful knowing I’M actually the one that’s caused some of my relationships to implode without meaning to. Like I try soooo hard to be as nice as possible and to listen and be patient w ppl but it’s still somehow never enough bc I’m kinda stoic and am not good at expressing my love for ppl. Like I feel so many things internally but it’s hard for me to show them externally. And I also figured out that I experience apophenia (which can be related to psychosis and schizophrenia) and so I sometimes read way too much into things and see signs and patterns that aren’t there. On one hand it’s great bc it allows me to learn difficult concepts really fast and spot patterns and connections other ppl might not see, but on the other hand it can also cause me to experience psychosis. I’m trying to be more careful now w how delusional I let myself be but I’m not gonna stop analyzing music and I’ll let myself be delulu sometimes as a treat bc life is more fun that way :)) I’ve made several playlists that kind of serve as journal entries since I don’t really journal and that’s the closest thing I have to journaling. These songs are like the soundtrack of my life at the moment
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I saw some people talking about yuumori character sexualities and just wanted to add my own headcanons <33
Sherlock: see now, we all know sherlock has been explicitly stating his... Repulsion (yes, not "oh im not attracted to them" straight up repulsion at the thought of being in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with them)
And im not saying sherlock is misogynistic. He has been seen very happily helping women with their cases. And might i add that on the Noahtic, while everyone was prancing around with a lady on his arm, sherlock was standing in the corner. Even though he was also with ladies he was CLEARLY in it only for their appreciation of him. Because you see, Sherlock is a clever man. He saw these bunch of women who had no one to dance with and was aware that they would be head over heels for his skills. And he was probably sent to the Noahtic by mycroft, so why not pass some time and get some praise?
But as soon as he met Liam he felt an instant obsession connection. Not necessarily romantic, but this is where that japanese feeling that i forgot the name of comes in. The feeling of meeting someone and instantly knowing that while you dont feel anything now, you could potentially be dynamic (is that the correct word, for sherliam i think it is)
And as i said and will say again, sherlock is a clever man. Of course he's not gonna sit around sexually frustrated, when he can easily use his charms and skills to find the right people. But as per literally canon, until he met Liam he didnt feel romantic (that comes later though, first was obsession) "attraction".
Conclusion? Gay demiromantic.
William: now while william never had a "repulsion" to women, I'd say he quite literally has a repulsion to any idea of a romantic relationship at all. He looked at london and got his "lemme fix that" hyperfixation game so heavy that he forgot he was alive most of the times. That man falls asleep on random occasions at literally anywhere at any time because he avoids sleep for his plans. Do you expect him to have any sort of romantic or sexual relationship? No, sir.
Then waltzes in Sherlock. Like i said, instant obsession. Though for William, that japanese feeling never came. While he was always hoping for a different reality where he and sherlock could be together, he never acknowledged his feelings enough to let himself feel something.
But talking about sexual attraction, while i do firmly believe Liam doesnt feel it for the better part of his life, he did start to feel some things a while after meeting sherlock. He fucking KNEW what he was doing with that "catch me if you can, mr holmes~" I think it surprised him too, all this strange emotions trickling in slowly after years of not feeling anything.
Conclusion? Demisexual AND demiromantic.
John: thought he was straight, but you all have seen his reaction to irene when they dressed up as the king of bohamia right? I'd say bisexual, but he's still learning to embrace that part of his identity. And even when he does embrace it, i dont think he's gonna do anything about it. Cuz like cmon, its 19th century London. Do you think he'll damn himself by loving a man when he is capable of what most people like him are not (to love someone of the opposite gender)? But I DO think he had a crush on louis for a while but i think that just for shits and giggles hehe
Louis: aroace. No questions asked. He loves in a very... Devotional way. Like liam and possibly albert, he has an unbreakable attachment to them. His love for their found family? He is soooo aro ace coded.
Albert: wineromantic. bisexual disaster.
Moran: pansexual just cuz. He loves his women but he has had something with albert and possibly james that is simply not heterosexual. And he was in the army cmon if there's a hole there's a goal
James: pansexual BECAUSE, hear me out, he had known this since he was a teenager. Which is why it took him until he got to Moriarty's to realise he actually wants to be a man. He had known men love him, so he was styling his hair and wearing tight corsets. He had known women loved him, so he was putting on disguises to kiss and snog. I think he was just so comfortable in his identity he never felt the need to be the opposite gender. But he was and, well, we're happy for our boy.
Fred: ace, maybe demi, and genderfluid. I might be projecting on the genderfluid part here but can you blame me? He/they pronouns.
Jack: he's above such measly attractions (idk maybe he was young he could have had something but idk anything while looking at him now)
Mycroft: gay gay homosexual gay. No straight man spends 30 minutes every morning putting pomade in his hair (hiding a part of your identity, already? Huh myckey?)
Miss hudson: straight because she didn't feel any (okay maybe somewhat) attraction to irene but when she met JAMES ouahahahaha
Herder: married to the grind 💪💪💪 making love to the game 💯💯💯 he only loves one thing and thats his craft 🔥🔥🔥
Just kidding he definitely has something gay going on
Billy: he has some WAY GAYER going on. Have never seen him interact with women (how gay) so i can't say much but he definitely gives bi/leaning on gay vibes
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Got tagged by @notallsandmen for a WIP paragraph game, and I’m incredibly flattered, considering ... this doesn’t feel on the level of fic, this is fun little sketches of dialogue at most. But this is what I had, so here’s more of the mortal dreamling silliness (previous bits: modern day mortal dreamling and newlyweds with ravens)
How Hob asked Johanna to be his witness for his wedding:
He texted her asking if she was free that afternoon, because he needed her for something. Historically "something" has meant anything from "taste-testing 3 different scone recipe variations to figure out the best one" to "hustling drunk pricks at darts". Likewise, Hob has done her favors ranging from picking up tampons to providing an alibi. In theory there is a ledger of favors owed, but in reality there will never be a balancing of books (because they're best friends, even if Johanna is too prickly to admit it and Hob is too smart to).
Johanna texted back "yeah, what's up?", and practically broke a land speed record pressing "Call" when she got the response.
Johanna: what the fuck kind of text exchange is confirming I'm around and then sending "getting married today, hello, witness!" and a selfie of you and some goth twink?
Hob: it felt pretty self-explanatory
Johanna: last I'd checked, you weren't even seeing anybody!
Hob: things change?
Johanna: I got dinner with you 5 weeks ago, you bastard, and you were single then.
Hob: ... things change fast?
Johanna: how the fuck did you even meet him?
Hob: I was running back from class during that awful rainstorm last month, and he was just outside my tube station.
Johanna: Hob.
Hob: His umbrella'd broken and he was soaking wet, and he looked absolutely miserable, poor darling.
Johanna: ...
Hob: So I offered him towels and dry clothes, since my flat was just up the road. And by the time the rain stopped I knew I wanted to marry him, and he said yes.
Johanna: what lunatic just follows strange men home?
Hob: he was pretty suspicious until I gave him my phone so he could text my address to his sister.
Johanna: and she was somehow fine with it, like 'yeah, go on'?
Hob:
Hob: he got a bit distracted by my phone background and never actually texted her.
Johanna: the fuck
Hob: you know Julian of Norwich is gorgeous
Johanna: your cat is a lesser demon escaped from hell. I'm going to exorcise your cat someday
Hob: Jules is a sweetheart. She doesn't even hunt birds!
Johanna: That thing won't kill any of the bloody birds in your neighborhood because she's saving all her energy to someday murder me and you know it.
Hob: ... undeserved paranoia about my extremely photogenic cat aside --
Johanna: WELL-deserved!
Hob: --will you be my witness?
Johanna: Left it a bit late, if you're asking me today. Did everybody else say no?
Hob: Didn't ask anybody else. Been planning to ask you since Dream said yes, but I figured if I gave you too much notice you'd flee the country.
Johanna: [tearing up, because even if you're an independent badass, it's nice to hear you're somebody's person] you're fucking right I would.
(Johanna's custom ringtone on Hob's phone is from Sweeney Todd, the final verse in Johanna where you can hear the body drop ("Wake up, Johanna, another bright red day"), because Hob and Johanna are black-hearted bastards/absolutely in cahoots with each other and think it’s funny. Hob's ringtone is Being Alive from Company ("Somebody need me too much..."). Sondheim all the way, motherfuckers)
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