#Imma try and be more active here and post something at least once a month

[slothsinner66]

guess who's back.

I can make character sprites now!

[whattheflameo]

Tonight I Wanna Cry

This’ll be posted on AO3 as soon as they send me my invite, since I have somehow never made an account, but until then, Imma post it here bc I need the distraction of forcing myself to edit.

Kya drops the plates into the cupboard with a bit less care than she probably should, but nothing breaks and the clatter makes her feel a little bit better. She slams the door shut for that simple satisfaction, too, before stomping her way into the living room and grabbing the laundry basket.

She and Lin have just had their first... well, not fight. More like disagreement. 

Kya had brought up trying to schedule a date night, again, and Lin had been unable to give her a set date, again. They haven’t had a proper date since Kya moved in to Lin’s apartment a month ago. She’s really not asking for much, Kya thinks as she grumpily folds a set of leggings, just wants an evening out with her girlfriend. And Lin could at least have the decency to say that she’s busy, rather than hedging with another "I don’t know, Kya, I need to check my schedule..." and never following through. The date could be in a month, for all Kya cares, as long as there’s some acknowledgment it is going to happen.

After the fifth try, Kya had finally called her out on it. Lin had immediately gone on the defensive, which had in turn put Kya on the defensive. The conversation had devolved into snapping back and forth before Kya had thrown up her arms and declared it over. She’d gone back to putting away dishes, and Lin had stalked off to their bedroom to do something or other. 

She folds the rest of the laundry in a huff, letting it fall slightly more rumpled than she knows Lin prefers. But when she’s finished, she crosses her arms and looks down at the piles and can’t bring herself to leave them. So she sighs heavily and refolds everything more neatly, and keeps thinking about Lin as she does. She knows Lin’s job is demanding. She had known that going into this. And yes, she’s frustrated, but there are more productive ways to go about explaining that then making veiled, vaguely-aggressive statements. Especially when dealing with Lin. Before Kya knows it, it’s been an hour since they had stormed away from each other, and she’s absentmindedly refolded the same tank top a dozen times. 

Lin isn’t going to be the first one to apologize. She’s been working on her emotional constipation, and Kya’s been helping, but they’re not that far yet. So, picking up the folded laundry as an excuse, Kya makes her way to the bedroom.

Lin is sitting on the bed with her back to the door. She doesn’t say anything, and Kya breathes a sigh of relief. She had halfway expected to be thrown out before even making it through the door. Lin’s shoulders and back are absolutely rigid with tension. One of her hands is up by her face, as though she’s holding her forehead like she does when she has a headache.

"Um, hey," Kya greets eloquently. Just because she’s better at this than Lin doesn’t mean its easy. She crosses over to the wardrobe to put away the laundry. "Does your head feel okay?"

Lin doesn’t respond.

"Do you want me to get you some tea? Or do you want me to try and heal it?" Kya tries again. When she still receives no answer, she turns around and puts a hand on her hip. "Look, Lin, I know we argued but-" 

She stops as she really looks at her girlfriend. From this angle, the side of Lin’s face is exposed. She’s grimacing, teeth clenched together and eyes shut tight against the actual tears that are running down her face. Her entire body is as tense as her back was; it doesn’t even look like she’s breathing. "Lin? Lin, Spirits, what-" 

Kya is across the room in a heartbeat. She kneels beside the bed and rests a hand over Lin’s where its fisted into the comforter almost unnaturally tightly. Her heart aches as she realizes that rather than holding her forehead, Lin’s other hand is cradling her scars in a comfort habit she rarely allows herself.

The only thing that could possibly have caused this is their argument. Kya is more than willing to label it that if it has this much of an effect on Lin. She can count on one hand the number of times she’s seen her cry, nearly all of them as children. Back then, Lin crying had been an earth-shattering event. Literally. If she was upset enough to cry, the ground around her would quake with emotion. Air Temple Island still bears the scars. This... this isn’t that. Every inch of Lin is deathly still. There’s no sobs, no shaking, no shouting or storming or any of the things Kya once associated with an upset Lin. She wonders for a moment what in the world could have caused such a dramatic shift, but then realizes its unsurprising considering the Lin she knows now.

This Lin has spent years of her life constructing a steel wall around herself. Has crafted a nearly-perfect facade of the immovable chief. Has had to force her emotions aside time and time again to protect those around her and do her duty. This Lin holds herself stoic until her emotions are suffocated like a flame, until she can control them again and pretend they were never there in the first place. But even a trapped flame leaves smoke, and even stifled pain looses tears. 

Kya’s heart shatters at the thought. "I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how much that upset you." 

"I-" Lin tries, but she can’t seem to finish. "I’m fine-" 

"You are not fine. I can practically feel your shoulders locking. And if it’s about anything other than our conversation, feel free to tell me otherwise."

Lin visibly takes a breath, forcing her features into a more neutral expression and avoiding Kya’s eyes. "I’m sorry," she says next. Her voice is so strained Kya’s own throat aches with sympathy. "You don’t have to stay. It’s not what you signed up for."

Spirits. Is that what this is about? 

It’s too much. Kya moves up onto the bed, declares "I’m going to hug you," and gives her girlfriend ample time to move away before throwing her arms around her and tucking her into her chest. Lin doesn’t resist, but she doesn’t relax, either. "I’m not going anywhere. We had a fight, Lin. That doesn’t mean I’m leaving."

She’s met with silence. After a moment, she can feel Lin’s jaw shift as it clenches again. There’s the soft dampness of tears against her neck. Kya rests her chin atop Lin’s head. "It’s okay. You’re allowed to be upset about it. You’re allowed to cry, Love." She strokes a hand through Lin’s hair, and Lin lets out a shuddering breath. A fraction of the tension releases from her shoulders. Her arms eventually come up to grip at the back of Kya’s shirt. It’s not the breaking of the dam that Kya had secretly hoped for, but thirty years of habit are hard to unlearn in one night, so she counts it as a win that Lin is no longer actively trying to force her tears away.

Later, they’ll talk about it. Lin will tell her she’s sorry again, that she knows quality time is important to Kya but that a confidential issue at work has been keeping her too busy this month. That she’s been hedging the question because she’s afraid Kya will leave when she realizes just how little time Lin has. Kya will explain her worries, how she’s started to feel like Lin’s ignoring her concerns. That she knows there will be times that a case keeps Lin away, and that it’s okay as long as Lin is honest with her and just tells her about it. She’ll repeat, as many times as it takes, that even if Lin feels the need to hide from the rest of the world, she can’t hide her fears and emotions from Kya if they want this to work. That she doesn’t need to hide them from Kya anyways. There will be hugs and tea and compromises and hopefully some mind-blowing make-up sex. Lin may even promise to take a few days off to spend together after this case is closed. 

For now, Kya holds her girlfriend, and rocks them back and forth, and silently curses the world that has beaten Lin into not being able to release her emotions, and keeps reassuring her that it’s okay to cry. 

[jbbuckybarnes]

We need to talk...

I knew that this topic of interactions will come up again, because it has never been talked all the way through, so I had this drafted for a while. So much of this old draft still resonated with this permanently unfinished discussion that I just had to edit it and post it, because I feel like it has to be said and put into one post. We can’t keep starting this conversation and then make it so dramatic that there is no conclusion or compromise. The only reason this time is more mellow is because people have better standards for this stuff due to a pandemic going on. This is written for the MCU fandom, but I’ve seen this go down in different fandoms, so here we go:

Things that are NOT at fault for readers not interacting:

The Readers. Should be clear after asking them again and again. And nothing changing. The readers at large are not at fault for a couple people being demanding or hateful. Neither are they at fault for this website and other social medias automatically putting writers at a disadvantage. They do their best with the time they have in their life (just like writers). And after asking them over months to try and reblog more and not much changing, it should be obvious that it isn’t where the problem lies. At least not 95% of it. NOW:

Things that ARE at fault for readers not interacting:

Pushing them, thinking they owe you stuff, while you tear other writers down saying that nobody owes them stuff. That happens time and time again. To me, to friends, to writers I check in with. Don't expect community to come to you when you don't come to them.

Not putting anon asks off when demands and hate get too much. It’s literally THAT easy when people get nasty. It’s sad for the nice anons, but they will understand. Save your mental health! Save the mental health of people reading that hate on their dash. I don’t know how many people constantly answering to hate I have unfollowed and I’m sure people have unfollowed me for doing the same.

Ego and hypocrisy. You can't say numbers aren't a problem and then say they are. In the same post. AND then also deny it later in some of the cases we’ve seen in recent months. Yes, that happened. In several fandoms where this topic comes up semi-regularly. And that might also be the reason people are tired of this stuff and speak out against it.

The fact Tumblr is only used approximately twice a year by most people. And has a shitty tag system. And a shitty algorithm. You are at an automatic disadvantage.

The fact some of you can't understand that 3-5% of your following interacting is a good and normal rate on pretty much all social media. The bigger you get in followers, the bigger the gap gets between followers and interaction (and demand and hate). There are literal statistics on that. 1% interaction at 10k is still good for a platform you have no power over!

The fact some of the people here call anons *haters* for pointing out that you interact w the same 10 people, making that speace seem excluding, when it's literally true what those people say!? Nothing wrong with only support the same 10 people on your blog, but then don't say that you practice what you preach (cause you don’t). You can’t demand more interaction when you don’t interact more yourself. That is how it works, for anyone, not just people of a certain follower count. If I reblog more fics, my blog gets more clout. Logical conclusion. Works for everyone. You have no time for that? Then don’t expect more back. It’s called SOCIAL media for a damn reason.

Telling people asking for Tumblr advice to interact more to make new friends but being the most defensive/indifferent person once they talk to you in DMs. Yes, that keeps happening and I know it from either my own experience or from others sharing their experiences with me. It’s kinda sad. It’s more of a minor factor in people not interacting, but I’ve seen it enough to mention it.

Making shitposts and personal posts all day and then saying you don't have the time in your life to interact w peoples' writings. Like, drabbles exist on almost anyone's masterlist. 5 minute read, easy support for a writer that might be losing motivation. Not every work has to be written like a novel to be great as hell or “quality proven.”

Oh, and there hasn't been a MCU movie in a while, making most of our readership probably currently not care about the fandom as much. Especially after Endgame ended up being a total opinion splitter.

Bonus: The misunderstanding that pushing shy readers to interact does the exact opposite. Not to start about the fact that we are in the middle of a pandemic at the moment. That means they may not have time to read and you may not have time to write. Normal. Logical. The same reason lots of people currently don’t publish. Don’t expect anything predictable and controlable out of current times.

Bonus: Check how you connect interactions to self worth and worth/fun of your writing hobby. Define what success means for you in this space, otherwise you will never be satisfied. It won’t matter if a post has 1k reblogs, you’ll always want more, because you chase an infinite metric.

Bonus: Maybe take a month to concentrate on community, getting outside of your bubble that you deny but very likely have (I’m not excluding myself from this), and actually improve interactions. Some people seem to have forgotten that when you interact with other writers, they probably interact back. Surprise! Your followers already know your tried and true fanfic friends, they want some new stuff without searching for it. Basic Marketing knowledge, know what your audience wants. If you do this for the interactions you gotta look at it from a marketing standpoint and not a pure passion standpoint. Oh: And maybe they find you interacting in the notes of someone else’s post and become an active follower. Win-Win-Win situation.

Bonus: Community is a loop, a net of interactions. Some people here have clique behavior, sound defensive and/or simply don't practice what they preach. That is not me or anyone else hating on specific blogs (I’m also no complete exception), it’s people trying to tell you that you can’t ask for shit you don’t practice yourself. Nothing wrong with supporting your friends only, but then don’t go around expecting new people to find your stuff. It’s literally THAT simple. You can’t have both!

Bonus: Ignoring some of the ride or die readers that are already there. Some of the people on here wish they had that and it’s deadass taken it for granted by some. Meanwhile I'm sitting here with Serotonin levels like christmas when someone I know reblogs my stuff and my fic gets some clout. Imma repeat myself: If you do it for the numbers, you gotta look at it more like marketing and less like pure passion.

And again: You are on a social media platform that will always put you at a disatvantage. That is not the readers' fault. It's how social media works at this point. If you want as much interaction as you can without putting in more interaction work yourself, simply share your works on here, AO3 and Wattpad simultaneously. Problem solved.

Bottomline: If you want more love on your work you gotta go beyond what you currently do, since it’s clearly not working for you. Reblog stuff from people you don't know. I don't give a sh*t if it's a 5k or a 100 follower blog. Hell, there is the whole 366 reblog challenge and some of you deadass went on reblogging the same people when that’s not really what this was made for. I, personally, haven't run out of new people to reblog, so this shouldn't be hard. Actually take time to talk to people in DM's, it takes 10 minutes in the evening to write a few people a message asking how they are or sending a cute gif. If you want stuff, you have to give it. Not leave it. People have come to me before, telling me "the community doesn't owe you stuff", no, they don't, but they do owe if they wanna be owed something back or even demand to be owed something back. Community is about back and forth. You give, you get. It's work, cause it's a big hobby. If you don't have time, that's cool, but then don't be sad about lower interaction. It’s logical that low activity from you leads to low activity from others in the long run, unless you do something worldshakingly new. You don't wanna look beyond a circle of friends or your go-to writers much? That's fine, but don't be upset about barely new people interacting cause they feel excluded or simply don’t find your work because of the same people seeing the same people reblogging the same works. What's not fine is not seeing how readers are NOT THE PROBLEM.

I haven’t talked to a single person about this that DIDN’T find the posts surrounding it demanding and completely ignoring the arguments some others had...repeatedly. Every single time it came up. Not just once but time and time again, whenever this topic comes up. You want interaction? Interact. You don’t want hate? Don’t give it a platform. As harsh as that sounds, I’ve never felt better on this platform since I put anon asks off, even when I miss the nice anons. They probably understand. PS: Again, this was written a while ago and edited to fit into a more general context now. I hope people can discuss this in a civil, non-judgmental way, because that is how I tried to write this. This is not again a specific person or group, it’s pinpointing what I see repeating for two years on this platform now, in all corners. I’d also like to mention that we are still in a pandemic and lives have never looked so vastly different, so you can’t demand anything normal in this very not normal time. Even if you do it all right, your interactions dropped in the pandemic cause people likely stay away form this platform for mental health reasons. There is so many layers to look at, these clearly aren’t all, but I hope it makes some people think about what and when they complain. Numbers will never satisfy you, they will always leave you wanting more if you don’t know why you do what you do and for what. Anyway: Be nice to each other and me in the notes in case this gets shared! No drama please! Ignore any grammar and typo mistakes, lol. Love ya!

[spnfanficpond]

May 2020 Angel Fish Awards

(New Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle @mrswhozeewhatsis or Mana @manawhaat to check and make sure we got your submission.

Be sure to read through this whole post as people who were nominated more than once only had one tag activated for tumblr tagging purposes!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE MAY’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @focusonspn

A Night on the Town (oneshot) by @supernatural-jackles

I completely love this fic!! Jensen is a total sweetheart, it’s really easy to read and all those words felt like only five minutes. This is everything a Jensen!girl could’ve asked for!!

Hunger (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

HOLY. MOTHER. OF. HOTNESS. It was a fucking pleasure for my eyes to read every single word of this fic!! hot as hell, dark, Demon!Dean and in character as always.

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis 

Handkerchief (oneshot) by @babypieandwhiskey

I don’t usually read RPF, but this is an AU, so I dove in. Mechanic!Jensen with a magical supply of handkerchiefs, ready and willing to clean up whatever mess I find myself in? SOLD. Sweet, appeals to my love of Jensen’s back-pocket bandannas, and it activates my competence kink! Excuse me while I go wibble in the corner.

Nominated by @supernatural-jackles

Still The One (oneshot) by @luci-in-trenchcoats

I have a lot of respect for the way Michelle writes such difficult topics. She approaches them with such grace and accuracy, that makes it all the more realistic. This series is no exception. I deeply enjoy this series and the way things are playing out between Dean and the reader. It’s an extremely heartbreaking story that most of us don’t really think about until it’s put into this kind of perspective. This one is still ongoing, and I’m extremely excited to see how she handles the rest of the story. I highly recommend checking this one out. Just heed the warnings beforehand.

Nominated by @peridottea91

Healthy Competition (Series) by @kittenofdoomage

This! Omg this series! I love it so much!! It’s slower moving but keeps you itching for the next chapter and is oh so relatable. What woman hasn’t had body image issues? And what plus sized woman hasn’t had to deal with rude jerks and bullying? This fic is actually super realistic and hits all those relatable issues. Can’t wait to read the rest!!

Dangerous Signs (Series) by @kittenofdoomage

Ok, let me start by saying that I am a sucker for a good “character transported to alt. universe/world” fic. That said, I got soooooooooo addicted to this fic! It was so well written and you could just feel the reader’s hesitation and torn emotions. Should she stay? Should go? Ugh! Fantastic!! Also, kudos for the Norse mythology!! *chef’s kiss*

Nominated by @thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters

Cotton Candy (oneshot) by @ellewritesfix05

“It was always nice knowing [...] you could always find ways to bring light into Dean’s life.”

And he damn well deserves it! This was so sweet. No one can resist that “I didn’t do it” smile of his ;)

The Oath (Series) by @thecleverdame 

This series is definitely dark, but it’s so so good. If you’re okay with reading about the heavy subjects covered in these chapters, you won’t regret giving this series a try. I can’t seem to stop diving into all of this author’s content. She’s just too good.

Choices (CYOE) by @talesmaniac89 

I’ve been excited about this impressive project since I first saw the announcement post. Though I’m ashamed to say I haven’t gotten into reading the full thing yet, I plan on making time for reading ALL the different endings. I’m excited to see the different ways in which the story plays out, depending on the brothers’ personalities. For now, I’m recommending this first chapter, the starting point, which was already a beauty of its own. If you haven’t started yet yourself, prepare to be amazed.

Not Safe (Oneshot) by @torn-and-frayed

I love this. Spicy but sweet… Is that a cringy enough way for me to try and put my thoughts into words? I also just really miss Bobby, man.

nominated by @impala-dreamer

Safe Here (series) by @because-imma-lady-assface

This is one of the greatest Dean series. Ashley writes Dean amazingly well, too well sometimes, and this series gives him exactly what he needs; a place to feel safe and find comfort. I love this one so much!

Losing You (series) by @idreamofhazel

This is a superbly done Sam series that has stuck with me for a long time. I literally can’t go into Bed, Bath & Beyond without thinking about the ending <3

nominated by @kittenofdoomage

Blind Luck (oneshot) by @crispychrissy

A great Sam x reader that hits the holy trifecta of smut, fluff, and angst.

 Blood And Water (series) by @crashdevlin

Pretty sure I’ve recc’d this before but it’s such a good series, so twisted and angsty, my dark little heart loves it. Heed the warnings!

Just Sam (oneshot) by @dontshootmespence

This might not be everyone’s cup of tea but for me, it’s perfection, because I am a kinky bitch and any other kinky bitches out there would definitely enjoy this XD

nominated by @deanwanddamons

Private Party With A Rockstar (oneshot) by @mummybear

@mummybear Has been working her butt off this month for her RolePlay May. She wrote this story for me and put me in it (my name is Sian). Rockstar!Jensen is one of my weakness’s, and she knows that, and clearly knows me very well too, as included everything I like 😉

She’s Not You by @winchest09

@winchest09 is one of my fave authors. This is a super cute, super fluffy fic which really cheered me up.

Dangerous Signs (Series) by @kittenofdoomage

I LOVED this series. it was so good and lots of fun with some very sexy going’s on. Rhi’s work is just fantastic 💕

Wedding Bells (oneshot) by @katehuntington

This one shot is super cute and fluffy! I love her writing so much and this is not exception 💕 

Not Much Left (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

Demon!Dean is another of my weakness’s and fic really hit the spot 🥵🔥

Dear Dean (series) by @smol-and-grumpy

This series made me laugh, made me cry, made me horny and made me gasp. One of the best series I have read 💕

nominated by @emilyshurley

Jensen’s Self Care Routine (oneshot) - @luci-in-trenchcoats

It is just adorable. People taking care of themselves for their loved ones. You can’t get more fluffy.

The Proposal (series) - @katymacsupernatural (Ongoing)

If you love fake dating fics, you’ll definitely love this one. Really like the character of “the reader”.

Private Party with a Rockstar (oneshot) - @mummybear

This one is both hot and adorable at the same time

You shook me (oneshot) @myinconnelly1

It’s Myin writing Demon!Dean what more do you want? No seriously that’s the perfect combination

Dancing the Spiral (oneshot) by @myinconnelly1

One of the only times I genuinely felt like a fic was creepy in a good way. And the passing of the whole thing is great. Am I little biased because its Myin, yes but that doesn’t make the fic any less good. sure it’s on the longer side but definitely worth it.

The only exception (series) - @ne-gans and @negans-lucille-tblr

I have only read the first part so far but I had to mention it. It is a serial killer AU so read the trigger warnings just in case.

Make it Big (series)- @negans-lucille-tblr

Again I’m still catching up It’s one of those fics I thought I won’t like reading but was really glad that I started.

Cast no Shadow (series) @kittenofdoomage

It’s Rhi, I can fangirl a lot about her fics. Really enjoyed (?) (that might not be the right word) the whole fitting a new relationship in existing ones. Felt to real in a weird way. It might seem like I don’t like the fic because of how I’m wording this but that’s really not the case.

Nominated by @deanwinchesterswitch

Sunshine (oneshot) by @talesmaniac89

If you like angst, this is the fic for you. It is utterly captivating and heart wrenching. It’s a cut your heart out with a dull centuries-old wooden spoon style hurt. The use of the song lines in this fic is well thought out and poetic. Make sure to have a box of tissues handy. If you don’t at least tear up while reading this, then you don’t have a heart to cut out, and your soul is already in hell.

Choices (CYOE) by @talesmaniac89

A clever interactive series where you get to choose your favorite Winchester, and the ending of the story. This is so detailed and intriguing. I loved the story I ended up with the first time, and excitedly went back in to pick the other options. Each story was unique and well written. 

Babe I’m Gonna Leave You (oneshot) by @waywardbaby

This one shot is an absolutely stunning piece of smut. The lack of dialogue makes it that much better. All you’re left with is the option to feel the detailed emotions—sexual tension to the max.

No Words (oneshot) by @because-imma-lady-assface​

Beautiful, detailed, and heartbreaking. Dean’s pain and need for comfort are palpable, and I cried while reading it. I can’t find the proper words to describe how this fic made me feel, but man did it ever make me feel.

Sky Full of Stars (oneshot) by @smol-and-grumpy​​

This is the sequel to Something Just Like This and is just as exciting as the first series. A roller coaster of suspense. The characters continue on their journey of love, dealing with the good and bad that comes with every relationship—the perfect combination of angst and fluff with a healthy dose of smut.

Something Just Like This (oneshot) by @smol-and-grumpy

A perfect combination of big badass Dean and soft, fluffy Dean, along with all the incredible smut your little heart could desire. I usually don’t like to read a series until it is complete, because I am impatient and don’t want to wait for the next chapter to post. However, this story was intriguing and sexy, and I couldn’t keep from reading each chapter as soon as it posted and then eagerly anticipating the next.

Nominated by anon

Request 42 (oneshot) by @thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters

This was super-duper cute!! I love frustrated soon to be parents especially when one of those parents is Dean! Great work, well worth the read!

Just A Daydream (onesho) by @maddiepants

This fic is refreshing with its canon-ness! I love Sam's little dream, and you get so wrapped up in it, you forget. Absolutely masterful and HOT AS HELL! Also, Tall People, WTF? 

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

These are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

[nny11writes]

Hi! 1, 8 and 20 for the fanfic ask? :D

1. If you’re an author, how many WIPs do you currently have? (Be honest!)

Uh, hang on while I count? Last time I went through I counted EVERY SINGLE idea I’d put on paper and had over 200 stories, the vast majority of them were WiPs. Like, 243 WiPs last check. And I’ve only added more to the pile. BUT I’m going to look /specifically/ only at my active WiPs, aka things that I’m at least occasionally opening to work on (writing at least once every month or two in, I’m over all a slow writing tbh lol) and which includes all stories that I’m posting and aren’t finished yet. So that’s...19 active. Of those fics, 2 are SW and the rest are SPOP fics. :|

But will I give up the currently 252 WiPs I have to the general population or send them out for others to write? 

No. They are mine and I would love to actually write in a LOT more of them!

8. Bed sharing or roommates AU?

Why would you make me choose I thought we were FRIENDS!? There is so much merit to them both! As a reader I can’t choose and you can’t make me! As a writer, I tend to default to roommates. Being aroace I like the idea of bed sharing for romance/smut but can’t actually conceptualize it as a writer unless it’s couched in a bunch of other stuff and that sounds like a lot of work lol!

20. Do you have a favorite fanfic or author? If so, tag them/post a link and share the love! I know I’ve rec’d several of these folks before, AND I’LL DO IT AGAIN. But I have far, far too many faves to actually list everyone here??? But Imma try and list A LOT OF THEM ANYWAYS?????????????? And as soon as I get asked things like this I just forget everyone and everything which doesn’t help. So, sorry if I missed you! You know who you are, and you know I love you, and you know that my memory is swiss cheese.

I’m a huge AU fan and that’s....it’s really, REALLY gonna show lol Star Wars @chancecraz has some amazing star wars original trilogy fics and time travel is included, and I’m a sucker for it okay? Who doesn’t want to watch Leia be LEIA ORGANA 24/7?

Gabby (Kirasoka) writes a bunch of fantastic barrissoka fic, I was sucked in by her medieval AU and don’t regret it one bit! Give a look if you haven’t!

@artyblogs is single handedly responsible for getting me into Riyo/Ahsoka, and does a lot of amazing Pantoran world building so check her out for sure!

@mylordshesacactus and @alexkablob have both written independently and collaborative barrissoka and are the reason I got sucked into the clone wars animated series. Here’s mylordshesacactus’s AO3 and alexkablob’s AO3 for Star Wars specifically. And then they both talked a bit about SPOP and I decided to check it out and WHOOPS NOW I’M IN A NEW FANDOM AGAIN. I also started watching RWBY thanks to them and basically I trust their tastes/opinions with my life apparently.

@bionic-jedi has also written some great barrissoka, but I fell in love with his Riyo/Ahsoka fic A Path She Couldn’t Follow! A bodyguard au that makes me want to re-read it over and over and over again. So you should get in on this if you aren’t!

@meridianpony has the FANTASTIC clone centric fic Dominoes! It’s not only clone centric, but also got time travel so it’s already ticking off several fantastic boxes before we even get into the complexity of the story. Great characterization and a deeper time travel plot than I feel like we usually see!

@thegirlwhostumbled (Elvana) has a great what if story for Ahsoka discovering Barriss’s plan before the bombing happened called An Incomplete Solution that you should check out for barrissoka goodness. :)

MirandaTam has a great Jedi Shmi AU Series that you have to see for an AU where Shmi leaves Tatooine with Anakin and becomes Yoda’s apprentice. An amazing gen canon divergence fic!

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

@malachi-walker has their whole She Ra rock star AU Rhythm & Blues (C'mon, Darlin', Make Some Noise) and it’s golden and if you like catradora you should read it!

@relativelystellarlyinclined has the fantastic As long as we stay together (if we just stay together) which is a catradora modern au in Antarctica and the whole story had me in a vice grip.

@technoskittles‘s fic Pure Feeling is a modern au catradora that features single mom Adora and Catra reconnecting after several years apart. It’s super sweet and super good!

@artemisbye has a catradora modern au fake dating fic called you did something to me that is top notch!

@weirdoughnut is writing my hands down favorite glitra fic Of Vagaries and Make-Believe so def check them out for a great glitra modern au!

Ikubusmb has only posted 3 fics for SPOP but they are all good. I specifically want to rec Closer Than I Hoped, a modern glitradora fic that is making me lose my mind one chapter at a time.

Felle_DesignWorks has some great glitradora aus that I’m in love with, but they are all explicit so heads up if not your cup of tea!

@azureshadowmoon has written several great glitradora fics as well, but I’d like to specifically rec Catmint because it’s amazingly amazing and I love it so much you don’t understand. Glimmer PoV modern au/coffee shop, but with Glimmer’s shift starting at 2AM.

@thebravething has several awesome fics, but I’m going to rec 2 catradora fics here specifically! First is Before The Clock Strikes Twelve, a modern AU that I am stupidly glad I found and read because I love this lady so much y'all don’t understand. And second is rest your heavy heart which not only features fantastic catradora, but also exasperated Glimmer which is a personal favey fave of mine :D

[haila-wetyios]

Raiding

Since it became a pretty long post, Imma just throw this under a Read More. It’s not about current tumblr drama fashion. So no popcorn scene for you peeps. Just my experience as a whole and to finally let go of a few feelings that kept weighting on me for a good while until my current team took me in.

The first time I ever advertised on a PF that I was seeking a raid team, was during the final months of ARR. I was a complete scaredy cat, anxious of whether I'd be good enough to work on a team that required more coordination than pugs to get things such as extreme primals or savage raids done. Off I go as a SMN main, panicked as my raid leader of that team joined my party for a brief interview. Afterwards though, during our first joint team efforts for HW content (Ravanna and Bismark extreme at that time) I discovered that I wasn't as bad as I thought. On the contrary, I was too perceptive of everything to the point I would rush to do mechanics assigned to our newbie healer who after several explanations would still not do the thing. Despite my huge insecurities of probably not doing the relevant rotations down to the last skill, my ego started to rise a bit when parsers started to take more and more of conversations between static members. And although I would never ask about my numbers directly, I would celebrate in silence when reading the overall party dps the moment I realized mine had been at the top even with a ninja and a dragoon in the party. That should have been a flag to me now that I look back for being a caster that was doing more damage than the melee. But I didn't know any better, and stayed with my group regardless throughout the entirety of gordias savage. Every week would be the same pummeling against the horrifying Faust dps check, then the first turn's boss, then the second turn until we finally hit the wall of jigglyman and disbanded. I didn't have much complains, despite how tiring it was, I had long since given up on those clears and instead turned each night into 'training to see how long I can last the moment shit hits the fan in any given fight'. And boy did I get a ton of experience down that lane.

The next times I started looking into content once more, I could only play the part of a sub for any group of people I trusted due to life and time issues. But I still took pride in being that one stable sub that could support any group on any extreme primal through HW. I still lament that I was never able to go through Midas and Alexander savage when they were relevant and merely watched from the sidelines.

Then SB came up, and I merely stood aside once more for the first Tier with Exdeath. Except this time, the frustrations of not having been there while I watched all my friends start doing EX's and savage content had finally gotten to me. And lo' and behold, suddenly I was back on square 1, trembling in fear while waiting on my PF announcement that I was looking for a group for Sigma (Kefka times). Nearly died the moment I had two people with interesting names join in my party and just grab me on the spot. I had no idea what I was getting into, they mentioned they just needed a caster slot for the new rag tag group they had built, but at least I had a team! Then the first day of raid came up, and right off the bat I was terrified at the fact that our raid leader was missing, being replaced just for that moment with the FC leader instead. Turns out my entire group save for the ninja, were a raiding FC with multiple groups going in through the week. And what was the first comment of the night pray tell? Well "No one should be here with X ilvl gear." Who was it aimed at? Well, to the only potato that for the first time was slightly outdated in 2 pieces of gear for not being active before the patch dropped. That was the moment that marked my spiraling down a rabbit hole that I wish I could let go of easily but still has a tight grip on me to this day.

I felt like crap, I fought my best and did research on how to be a better caster. Other than the FC leader's comment, no one berated me or spoke about me on a negative light. But it still left a mark in which I kept trying to prove myself and be useful. Suddenly I would find myself cursing at my skills. Hating how no matter how hard I tried with everything, I would never be able to even pass the goddamned Stone, Sky and Sea for savage raids. But we were still getting things done. Two new savage turns down in a single week of release? That felt incredible and also bittersweet. Because any time that my party members celebrated their purples and golds in fflogs, I would be in a corner, self destructing with greys. I kept trying and trying, until my coping mechanism ended up being "I'm just a fill in. But if I'm just this, I'm damn going to do a job stable enough to have a place here." Then things started turning out easier to deal with. I had noticed the goofiness of a lot of the members despite the numbers that dictated their runs, I gave up on my grey numbers and focused on getting their asses up if someone made a mistake. To support the healers as much as possible with mana shift and such. I started putting my experience of keeping the party alive to more use while I slowly tried to recover the confidence I had lost when starting the tier. Granted, they didn't care for the group as much as I did. No amount of hanging out after raid times or helping was enough for the few in charge to announce when we were done raiding after months of being together. They just stopped one day until their FC leader asked me if I was aware of the 'disbanding'.

Then it was time to switch gears, for the first time I thought my work had bore fruit when I was recruited into the FC leader's group instead, and all was well.... Until it wasn't, we kept having to replace members left and right, specially healers and tanks. Progress was slow, sometimes we’d clear Chaos and Midgarsormr, and others it would be a mess depending on the random team comp we had for the week. Things should have been better by the time we made it to Omega, half the party had cleared with their mains after all. Except that it was the point where everything went south in the background.

We had gained a good White Mage, who would complain about random jibber jabber every now and then, but that was fine, no biggie. Then they brought in their former co-healer from their previous static, a Scholar, and all was supposed to be fine. But then something happened that slowly started to wear us all out. For some reason, we suddenly were struggling some more with Midgarsormr, and then Omega.... Boy, even if we had previously cleared, suddenly the three days with 3 hours of raid time each went on on that goddamned turn, and then the final 15 min would go for Omega Male and Female and the reason was hard to tell at first, we were doing the same old after all. It wasn’t until nearly a month of wiping that probably the group had started to realize what was wrong. Our Scholar wasn’t exactly pulling his full weight.

This is what caused probably something that I should have seen coming and that stuck with me for a long while until now that I found this draft I worked on when the wound became fresh again from just thinking about it. It’s just frustrating, sad to a degree and I brought part of it on myself for trying so hard to be useful to no one. What happened? Well, the leader didn’t want to get involved into any drama by only kicking the Scholar because they were friends with the White Mage, so a disbanding was supposed to be the better way to end things. Except the leader decided to do it in a different and up to date still a very shitty fashion. 

Right after we’d finished the last raiding night for the week, he posted an announcement about how people, aka his FC members were tired of constantly bashing their heads against Omega with little success and so they were gonna reform. By kicking the only outsiders of the static team. The White Mage, the Scholar, and me. There was no further explanation, no messages to me, nothing. I was just tossed like that after +6 months of knowing this FC and having raided and hung out with a good chunk of their members. I’d sacrificed so much for them. My time, my confidence to a degree, I had been a slave to their parsers more than a few occasions each time I heard them celebrating or complaining about their numbers. All because I wanted to feel like I could stand on the same levels as them. And I did to a good degree. I reached a point where I knew that my abilities weren’t as bad as the greys on my numbers showed me. But it meant nothing to any of them in the end. No message from the leader that up to that point had kept communication with me for raid times and other stuff. No reaction from the peeps I’d raided the most with. 

The most ironic part that I still respect? The only person to apologize, the only one that actually took the time to send me a message after the whole group ‘disbanded’ was the dragoon that I had only ever heard speak about their golden parses and nothing else on discord. We hadn’t even talked up until then. But he still cared more than the people that had known me for longer in that group. Granted, I did get to throw at least a cent in the raid channel about what I thought before getting kicked, so he probably wanted to come out clean on that. 

I am glad to no avail that I will never have to see them again, because the server splits sent them to a different data center. But it still left a deep mark on me when it came to XIV. I stopped logging in to do any content for a while, focused more on screenshots, on shady flower lady times until I could learn to love the game again. It probably took longer than I would have liked because all of this happened at the exact time that my friends from my crew had dived into raiding at a deeper level. I got to see them celebrate clearing the final omega. Then server transferring to be with their static before the great split or quitting. And then with Shadowbringers hearing “We’re not looking for a dps caster slot.” Each time anyone needed a fill in for their group. 

All this left me at an odd spot, being the veteran that keeps up groups or dungeons on normal modes, but having a hard time trying to get back into my niches in the game. My way of getting through raid had been to think of myself as being replaceable or worthless, but still trying to keep my hope that I’m actually valuable. Getting through all of it alone is not the solution now that I can let go of that bitterness of not being appreciated even as a person. I just happened to get a random chance to try out filling in for a group for a friend. But it wasn’t that what helped me the most both to be back on raids and to have finally built back my confidence. They probably didn’t think that I would check, but I’m the curious kind. Specially when you join a discord that has brief mentions of you on the recent chat. And seeing them mention me, and then vouching over my skills as a player, and how I was their first friend in the server? Well, despite having trouble expressing any feelings myself most of the time, when I get to think of it, you have no idea how much it meant to me. 

I managed to get back on what I like and enjoy most of what I do after deciding to take another leap of faith and join this group despite my stigma. Granted, mentions of parses and all will always be there. But not letting them define you, and believing in what you can and can’t do in content, I think is the best choice you can make to have a healthy experience and enjoy yourself as much as possible. 

[moonraccoon-exe]

Hey coon, I’m trying to write an original book and for some reason I’ve gotten bad writers block and everything I write I feel isn’t good enough and it’s putting me in a bad head space and really depressing me. Is there anything you do if/when you have writer block that you find helps you or maybe just give some words of encouragement? Sorry for the more sad ask It’s just been bringing me down. Hope you’re having a beautiful day.

Hello, buddy!!!

First of all, don’t you ever, EVER again say sorry for a ‘more sad’ ask. If you ever apologize again for something like that IMMA BITE YOU >:( U NO SAY SORRY FOR BEING SAD! U NO SORRY FOR TALKING ABOUT IT WITH A FREN! U HAPPY AMIDST THE SADNESS BECAUSE U HAVE A FRIEND U CAN TELL UR PROBLEMS TO!!!!!!

Really, it’s more than just okay. I don’t know if you’ve seen it before, but I’ve said a couple times when someone asks or brings the subject up, this isn’t a happy and safe place because every ask is happy. Even the sad asks make of this a happy and safe place, because even when the ask is sad, you know what that implies? That the person behind the screen got a chance to vent their thoughts. Hence, there’s a little weight off their chest. Getting to talk about what’s bothering you is always the first big step for recovery. It may seem small, and it is, but it takes courage to take that step. And from that point on, it’s snowball effect; it was a tiny movement, yes, but if it wasn’t for that little first movement, we wouldn’t have the big ball of progress that happens later on. 

And besides that, it implies some trust. You’re giving some trust on me, and isn’t that beautiful? And besides that, I sometimes can come up with some advice, or with at least sincere comfort. And isn’t that beautiful too??? So don’t say sorry. I’m here not just for the happy asks. I’m here for both the happy and the sad asks, because, I said it myself, didn’t I? Happy and safe place. And that includes safety to your feelings and thoughts. So don’t hesitate about it, don’t think that I don’t ‘like’ sad asks, or that I’ll be upset about it. And don’t you ever, ever apologize again. Aye?

Ahaha…I didn’t mean to rant about that!! I just wanted to keep that clear. Can’t let a buddy think they did wrong when it’s fine!!

Aye, I see the problem. 

How to get over writer block, huh…

Well, okay, let me add a keep reading here! If anyone else is reading this and wants to see, go ahead. The only inconvenience is that I talk too much, so this isn’t a quick guide, it’s just personal rant trying to help a buddy, but if you’re curious, you click that link c:

OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL

Congratulations on starting an original book!!! WOW, BUDDY, THAT’S PHENOMENAL! THAT’S FANTASTIC!!! Holy moogles above, I’m SO excited and so happy for you!!!! :D

It takes something to start a project like that. Mostly because I know you care about what you’re doing, you’re not just one of those random people that write mere trash not knowing what they’re talking about. I think I’ve never read anything from you, but I don’t need that. From our interactions and the way you write even if it’s just in a conversation, I can tell for sure that you care and you’re GREAT at it. Besides, you wouldn’t be stressing this much if you wouldn’t care a bout it, right? 

That’s your first big hint that should help you calm down and be happier about it; the fact that you’re putting a lot of you into it. All this stress and the way the block is depressing you, all these feelings and all these sensations, you wouldn’t be feeling them if you didn’t care. If it wasn’t something special for you. If you didn’t want it to turn out fantastically.

I don’t mean to say that you need to be stressed and depressed every minute as you work on this, no. It’s okay once, twice, every here and there, but every time that it happens, you take that negativity and you see it from the other side. Because, in the end, the fact that you feel all that is because you care, and if you care, don’t you think that that means that you’ll give the best of yourself?? And that because of that, the results will be AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING!?!??!

I trust in that!!! Sometimes, the more excited you are and the more you care about a project talks about how much effort you’re willing to put into it. I know it’s just a fic, but look at Iggy and the Beast, for example. How I can so easily get nervous and anxious about it, and yet, how nice it is, how much effort and love I?m putting into it. It’s the same. You worry because you care, and if you care, it means you’re working and will work on it with every fiber of your body. And that, my friend, hard work given with all your might…that is half the way to your goal. :)

Now, as for advice as itself on what I do when I have a writer block, that’s pretty tough to ask…

Sometimes, it’s the things every internet page recommends you. Listen to music that fits the mood or scene you’re writing. Take a breath. Brainstorming (i was about to say ‘shower of brains’ ahahahhaha). And they work, they do sometimes.

But you know what I feel you need? The way you describe your block and how it makes you feel, the…essence or vibe or color that your ask as itself radiates. It sort of tells me of the one thing that took me so long to understand.

To get rid of your block, stop writing.

Sounds weird, doesn’t it? Like, you feel you’re too slow at running no matter how hard you practice, and the trainer tells you the best thing you can do is sit down and do nothing. Or you feel like you’re not doing progress with your new jutsu and Kakashi tells you the best you can do is go rest (AHA! Saw your comment on my Naruto post recently!

You know, Jaz…sometimes what we need to progress at what we’re doing is stop what we’re doing for one second. I don’t mean forever. I mean for one second, and by one second I don’t mean that advice of ‘go take a walk and take a fresh breath and then try again’, nope. I mean, three days, two weeks, one month. Not just a minute or an hour. 

Creating isn’t meant to give you a hard time, and it definitely isn’t meant to depress you. Art is meant to be a way to express our feelings, not to worsen them. Art, indeed, has never meant to be a way to heal; what heals us is to vent out our feelings,w hich we do through art, but art as itself isn’t mean for the task. Same for the other way around, it can transmit great negativity, but it’s never meant to build it. And if you’re getting some out of it, then you need to stop.

We have limits. Physical, emotional, in every way we have limits. That includes the limits of our creative process. As much as we love creating, we’re not meant to do it 24/7. Nobody is meant to do anything 24/7 other than blinking and breathing and existing, but no activity is meant for such amounts of time. You tire yourself. And what do you expect to happen when you exhaust yourself but destruction?

Think of it like a physical challenge. Imagine writing is running, and you’re training to jump into the junior leagues or whatever the first professional round is called. So you, OBVIOUSLY, go to train, right? And what do you do to get better and faster at running? Well, you practice. You run. So you run and you run and you run. And then you hit your limits, that point where the muscles are at one movement of breaking and your lungs are all stressed and you as a whole are feeling terrible.

BUT RUNNING IS YOUR PASSION,R IGHT??? AND IF IT’S YOUR PASSION AND YOU WANT TO GET REALLY GOOD AT IT, YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE EVERY DAY ALL DAY, RIGHT?

So you keep going and going.

And I assume you know the whole mess that happens then,r ight?

This whole thing about how…when you keep going after you hit your limits, you start having a backwards effect. Instead of getting faster, you’re getting slower. Instead of running better, you’re starting to stumble. Instead of getting healthier, you’re damaging your lungs, heart, other organs, and your muscles. And when the time to race comes, you’re so worn out, that you don’t make it 5 meters past the starting line before you’re already wasted.

…same for writing and any other creative process, Jaz, my dear.

You can’t push yourself too hard for too long. There’s limits. Writing every day is super healthy, but not for too long that it starts stressing you and depressing you. Sometimes, writer blocks hit randomly or for this or that. But you know what I think is happening to you, specifically? That you’re over-worrying about the book, and you’re so nervous, and you’re working too hard in it, that your brain went “That’s it, I can’t take more. I need a break from this specific thing”, and of course, naturally, it shut your writing spirits down.

And if you keep insisting on breaking it yourself, you’ll only worsen it, because we CAN’T fight against the brain’s orders! Brain wouldn’t block something if it wasn’t for OUR health. And if you insist on trying to write and write and write and write, you’ll be hitting that metal wall your brain set, and when it weakens, brain will put a SECOND, thicker, stronger barrier, and a third and a fourth AND HOW DO YOU PLAN ON BREAKING DOWN FOUR UNBREAKABLE BARRIERS, HM?

Your brain knows you’re tired. It knows this is poisoning you…your brain is only trying to block what it’s started to identify as an enemy. Don’t insist on making it worse. And don’t make of writing your enemy. Writing is an ally, a friend, a sister, a mother, a deity of its own, and it needs respect and love. Not your brain’s hatred.

And I tell you all this from experience. Why do you think the Beauty and the Beast updates take so long in between? I’m rather fast at writing (my long asks show it), so 15k is a thing of 2 or 3 days for me. So why aren’t updates weekly? 

Because I learned all this the bad way. Because I was starting to let writing, my dearest beloved art, transform into a poisoning monster that ate me. I wasted and exhausted myself worrying too much, writing too much, and giving too much, until I started doing it by force, like something that I feared but still had to do, until writing was not my friend but my owner. And no one owns no one here. You and your writing are friends. Should be friends.

Maybe you didn’t notice, because I didn’t say it explicitly, but the fic’s updates were relatively fast, and the one day I started playing Comrades and everything I talked about was Comrades, and then Dragon Age, and the updates were slower. It was because I learned that only when I stop can I continue, as ironic as it sounds. 

And sometimes it happens to specific things. Right now I’m VERY motivated for the Corqi fic, but when it’s about my ask requests or Iggy and the Beast, I’ve got to take these breaks in between. Because my asks had that effect on me too. I would answer 12k to each, sometimes 2 a day, every day…of course I exhausted myself beyond the limits.

So that’s my current advice to you, because it feels like you’re on this one specific problem, Jaz.

I wouldn’t know when it’s the ‘right’ time to come back. I don’t think there’s one specific ‘right time’. So long you let yourself rest as much as you need, then you can go try take the computer and open the document again. If, even before you write one word, it weighs in your mood, you’re not ready yet. So go back to take a break from this project, then come back some other day and try again. 

And I forgot to say, remember creators are always their greatest and toughest judge...and know that you can’t see your work as everybody else does, because you saw it grow. You remember its ugly stages. You can’t see the real beauty of it. It’s okay to correct as many things as you need to feel comfortable, but know that there’s not a thing like ‘perfect’. Not one thing is except math. But when it comes to art? Not a thing is perfect. Especially not to the artist/creator.

Remember, and I tell you this because many art and music and theatre and literature teachers told me in my high school, your art is always a thousand times more beautiful than you can see. It’s not advice or encouragement. It’s a fact.

And those are my advices to you, dear Jaz. I’m really excited and proud knowing you’ve taken up on such a journey, but I worry you may turn it into poison. Do not. Long journeys need good rests, or you’ll stay stuck in the middle and won’t reach the goal, right? So you take it easy. There’s no deadlines. There’s no pressure other than your own. Take it easy; create for the outside, don’t destroy on the inside.

Dear Jaz, I hope to hear from you again regarding this. And if this doesn’t work, you tell me and I try to figure something else out, because, as a reminder, I’m no expert and can only talk from experience!! But it’s okay. If the solution that works for me doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. We just operate differently and you need another sort of medicine, and we’ll look for it together if needed, okay?

Thank you for the good wishes and the trust, dear Jaz. And thanks for giving me a chance to put my thoughts in order (I just wrote ‘my orders into thought’ lmao) and to let me reflex!!

I wish the best for you and that original book. I bet it’s going to be phenomenal. :)

Greatest of success, dear Jaz! I hope you’re having a most beautiful night! Lots of raccoon hugs to you, my dear friend.

[asociallyawkwardteen]

Scared || Yang Jeongin (I.N) FF || Pt. 3

Pt.1  Pt.2 | >Pt.3< | Pt.4 (soon)

Pairing: Reader x Jeongin (I.N)

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warning: Mention of Social Anxiety, Social Isolation and Depression, so please if you get easily triggered by the mentioned things stop reading here.

Disclaimer: English is not my first Language so please don’t mind my bad  grammar ^^’

Time passed and people say time heals everything, well it didn’t, if anything it just got worse.

You Isolated yourself completely, you were rude to your parents to avoid needing to talk to them, trying to make then think it was just puberty and stuff. The least thing you wanted was them worrying about someone like you, yeah sure you are their daughter but still, you already were such a huge disappointment to them and knowing that they would have to pay for a damn psychiatrist adding on top to the money they already had to spend on you, no you you couldn’t do that it would only break you more, way more.

Well but you couldn’t stay in all day either, since your parents would find out very easily. So you just got up put on some makeup and left with a cold ‘bye’ or ‘I’m at ...’s’ just inserting a name that they might have picked up once or twice when you talked about school, and with that you were out. Making your way through the small corridor, speeding up as soon as you heard any kind of noise that could come from another human being, soon you reached the small window that lead to the fire escape staircase thingy which was attached to the wall of your building, you quickly stepped out on it stepped up a few steps and eventually sitting down on one of the just passed ones.

Earphones practically glued into your ears, blasting music into your ears on a volume that most people wouldn’t like, but you actually loved it, it was the only thing that could shut up you thoughts for a few moments.

You had your gaze either wandering around the endless horizon filled with other building which seemed to get taller day by day, or looking down at the busy streets filled with people which all have a purpose in life, unlike you, you just lived on, just existing without any reason for it.

You watched t streets below and as every time you thoughts drifted off in a not so pretty part of you mind.

‘ I could just jump now... everything would end and it would just be over.. all of this crap would be over, all of the failed things were finally over and I only have to jump to do that. ’

You sighed

‘ but it’s so selfish, well I cut everyone of already so it shouldn’t be that hard right? ’

‘ But I can’t do this, I can’t put my parents through that judgment, people will judge them so hard for a daughter that committed suicide, people will talk so much shit about them without even knowing what actually happened ’

“Fuck” you muttered wiping a tear from you cheek.

‘ Do you really have to cry again you fucking weird piece of shit?!? ’

You sat there silently crying and eventually calming down a bit later.

Once it got dark you made you way back in, unlocking the door to your apartment, rushing into your room not even caring if someone was home or not. You locked yourself into you room and just sat on you bed.

At some point you let yourself fall back onto the bed, you pulled your phone out of your pocket turning of the music and unplugging your headphones.

You opened you Instagram and started to scroll through your feed. Until you came across a specific post.

@ yjin: so glad that I have these dorks in my life now~~🤗

@ HAN.js: @ LkNoW yah! why are you blocking my face with your ugly ass hands?😣

@ LkNoW: @ HAN.js it’s not my fault that you are hella short!!😇

@ HAN.js: @ LkNoW I swear to god imma come over to you room and rip you ugly head of you shoulders!!😤

@ LkNoW: @ HAN.js then do so~🤗

@ Woojinnie: @ HAN.js don’t you dare to step a foot in that room, you guys should already be asleep by now!❗

@ hyun_jin: asleep my ass! only because we have the maknae in your room doesn’t mean that we have to sleep early!!🤔

@ b.chan: well it should be like that tho! we have to get up early tomorrow so you better fall asleep yourself, before I make you!😒

@ Felixu: uhh chan eomma is getting mad guys🤐

-and with that their conversation was over-

You looked at your phone for a few minutes.

‘ Well I know it he has fun, gosh Jonginnie grew up so much, bt who were those other guys? ’

You checked out their individual profiles

‘ oh yeah right he finally moved to the dorm. I’m so happy for him..’

You looked at his post again, not sure if you should comment anything or not. You really wanted to tell him that you were proud and very happy for him but on the other side you didn’t reply to his texts and calls throughout the whole last month thinking it was the best for him.

You let you phone drop on you bed and rolled on you back, blankly staring at the ceiling.

‘ I’m so dump, so so so fucking dump, I shut out every single person that shows interest in me, and I still expect them to keep doing that, Why would they like for real why would someone keep showing interest if you shut them out, your so stupid y/n ’

‘ well it’s to late now, I already was a complete asshole, I can’t get out of that now, nobody would want me anymore, well they obviously don’t and it’s all my fault ’

‘ but it’s better that way, every one has a great life, even Jeongin is finally getting closer to his goal of becoming an Idol. gosh, I was holding him back all those years wasn’t ? ’

Your eyes started to tear up again. you rolled over pressing your head into the sheets hoping it would muffle the sound of you sobbing.

-3rd person POV-

The girl silently kept crying for a few more hours until she finally fell asleep. She loved sleeping, it was the only time her busy head stopped working for a few hours letting her rest. She usually stays up until at least 3 am and then sleeps ‘till the afternoon, people say she is lazy and all but there were some very good reasons for her sleeping pattern.

If she sleep long it minimizes the time she would have to spent on that stairs, it minimizes the time she feels guilty for not doing anything, for not being like the others, for not having any friends, it just benefited her in many ways so why should she wake up, why should she wake up and wander through a day full of self destroying thoughts which most of the time ended in actions, she tried to not cut so much but that only leaded into her hitting her own head several times until she felt dizzy.

-Your POV-

Eventually got through you summer break, definitely not ready to start another school year.

You kept looking at Jeongin’s Social medias and found out that he now was in Seoul now. So it maybe was good that you shut him out, I mean it probably was way easier that a sad goodbye. He probably lived on and was able to leave Busan and you without even  thinking to much about it right?

Hopefully.

You kept your old behavior in school not mean just silent and cold, building up the walls around your real self even higher and thicker. And you liked it that way, well you were kinda lonely even tho you always set with some other people out of your call they were just necessary to not look like a complete loser.

The only person you really missed was Jeongin, admitting that he was maybe more than just a brother to you.

Half of the school year passed and it was about to decide where your calls trip you go to. You didn’t pay attention at all, resting your head on your arms one earplug in to block out that hyper active kid on the table next to you.

“ how about a trip overseas? ” a girl which looked like a typical mainstream b*itch suggested.

“ did your tight clothes stop your blood from getting into your head? ” you mumbled maybe a little to loud, which you only realized by the ‘oooh’ sound some people around you made.

You looked at them emotionless.

“ what did you just say?! ” the girl snapped at you

You gaze drifted over and met her’s “ I said, what everyone in this room was thinking, do you really think we would have money for a trip overseas, sorry to crash you view on this world but not everyone gets money shoved up their asses like you and your “friends“, and besides that wherever  we would get you would only complain about everything anyways so why bother going overseas when you can do this here as well? ”

She gasped loudly and very over dramatic, and you were kind of taken aback by your sudden attitude as well not letting it show tho.

The rest of your class was laughing and even you teacher had a little smirk on her face.

The girl didn’t really know what to say anymore so she just glared at you, you looked at her cold.

“ what? you think I would apologize only because you glare at me, sorry but that enormous amount of mascara an eyeshadow don’t scare me at all ”

“ woa y/n chill ” a boy a few rows in front you said chuckling

“ I’m chill I just can’t stand her stupidity any longer ” you sighed turning up the volume of you music and resting your head on you arm again.

“ Well since y/n is very talk-active today why doesn’t she suggest something? ”

Your eyes grew wide, ‘ wow wow wow stop this is getting to much right now, I never agreed of speaking in front of every one, fuck fuck fuck what do I do now?? PANIC! ’

You started to sweat and your cheeks got red right after.

“ I... I don’t care where we are going as longs as we have some free time there. y...you know  to do whatever we want... ” You tried to calm down again.

You were a mess, just sitting there breathing heavily, sweating, glowing red and shaking on you whole body. You clenched you fists.

‘ get your shit together you dumbass!! people will start to notice it!! ’

And just when you thought it couldn’t get worse.

*Ping*

You got a message, wait WHAT??

Your eyes widened, you stared the table beneath you. You slowly pulled out you phone and looked at the pop-up widow on your Lockscreen.

Jeonginnie🌞👦:

Hey, well you ignored all my texts and calls and I didn’t know what to do so.. I gave you time, but I just can’t go on pretending that you just need time, I just get the feeling that you don’t want me in your life anymore,I guess you are just busy with your friends and I have to be okay with that, I’m sorry and take care~

While you read the text you felt your eyes tear up, you tried to hold them in, as well as you upcoming breakdown, you just con’t break down, note here and now. You slowly looked up again, meeting the gaze of several classmates, some looked worried, others looked like you were a complete freak and others didn’t even care.

“ Mrs. Park? Can.. can we maybe go to Seoul for our trip? ” you spoke with a thin, shaky voice fighting against the storm inside of you.

“ That is a good idea y/n, wee can do that if your classmates agree ” she looked through the class and already heard some mumble about what they would do in Seoul

“ Alright, Seoul it is! ”  

As soon as you heard the bell you left storming out of the building, rushing home as fast as you could yet you didn’t go home. You ran up the stairs, as soon as possible you climbed out of the window, onto the same old staircase once again.

You went up a few stairs again, settling down on one that didn’t seem as rusty as the others and finally your wall broke down, you started to cry, heavily yet not really loud, at least silent enough to not be heard.

You just sat there crying your soul out, one word constantly circling in your mind.

“weak”

 ~ ~ ~

Well I guess part 3 is done with that, the next pt. is going to be something a bit different and not as “depressing” I guess.

Also this ff is kind of taking a turn which I didn’t plan at all but I hope I won’t end up making this shitty, also I don’t really know if its going to be a good end or a bad end, I probably will make two tho since I wanna give you guys options and not everyone likes bad ends so yeah. byeee~

~J☯

[ocdaniel]

KILL THE NOISE (WIP)

Concept I’m playing with of something I’ve been thinking about a lot these days. Here are the first few pages:

SOCIAL MEDIA EPIDEMIC

Socrates believed that written word would harm memory. What has the emergence of social media done to our minds and memories? If the mind acts as a hard drive, keeping what is necessary and deleting what is not… What is it doing to those memories that we document with photos and videos? If Socrates believed written word would damage your memory, what would he think about the effects of new media documentation?

I’ve been working in the digital media space for almost 20 years now and have seen the evolution from geocities web pages, xanga, friendster, myspace, facebook, instagram, snapchat, and now tiktok. Since 2003 i’ve had to stay on top of various platforms as they emerged to capitalize on the online trends for my business. I’ve built websites and online marketing campaigns in the entertainment industry for half of my life now and it’s provided quite the incubator for understanding online human behavior. I started as an intern at Interscope records in their new media division. It was the smallest division for that record label at that time. In just a few years, it took over as the main division and ultimately became the go to department for the future of music. I still remember encoding cd’s into mp3’s and sending them off to Apple Computers in Cupertino in 2003 curious why we were mailing these compressed files over to them. A week later, iTunes was launched and the way we consumed music was forever changed. A complete adoption from analog to digital was under way.

I ended up starting my own digital agency while at Interscope Records and built out a ton of web campaigns for them. I built Lady Gaga’s first website, Gwen Stefani’s first website, Pharell Williams first website, and the list goes on. I probably built all these “first websites” because i entered at a time when websites started to explode. Websites became the digital storefront and the main source of content during those years. All of a sudden, Myspace pages became popular and we started developing social media pages for these entertainers. It was still very new at the time but the engagement was incredible. Next came YouTube, then Facebook and the story continues. I got to see how entertainment and social media collided and had front row seats to the show.

Even though i was building all these digital campaigns, i personally didn’t really get involved with marketing myself. I had a myspace page, xanga blog and accounts to the other platforms but it was really just used for personal use. I never viewed it as a resource to market myself or my business. It was just a way to communicate with close friends and keep in touch online. Fast forward to today, and life as we know it is synonymous with social media.

I saw the rise of YouTube stars and eventually started partnering with them very early on and building online businesses for them. Several of them doing millions of dollars in ecommerce sales with us. Business was great and we got in at a time when the era of social influencers started becoming a trend. Looking back, my interest in the social influencer space was probably just a result of working in the entertainment industry and absorbing the trends that were emerging. I don’t think it was a real thought out process but an eventual evolution to the path i was already on.

“Eventual evolution to the path i was already on….” To me that’s an interesting concept. I kinda feel like life is just a sequence of paths that we initiate or transfer onto. A series of choices to put us on a path that will eventually evolve into a new reality for us. Depending on the choices you make, the output will result accordingly. My path had social media written all over it. I just didn’t know it at the time.

I remember in 2010 right after i had my son, a new platform instagram came out. I had a feeling this platform would do well and i remember having a conversation with my wife and i said “I think i gotta really figure this social media thing out for myself. I’m going to force myself to post once per day and see what happens.” That was the beginning of my personal journey into the “Digital Noise.”

I did just that. I posted at least once every day. I thought perhaps i’d do it for a month and see where it would go from there. One month turned into two, two to six, six to a year and kept going and going. I was posting more content than anyone else i knew that was on social media. There were moms using social media as a way to document their kids and family activities but i was documenting EVERYTHING. Because i forced myself to try and post at least once a day, I developed a thought pattern to capture anything that my mind felt interesting. If i saw a cool sticker on the street, i’d take a picture of that. If my son was spacing out on some patterns, i’d snap a photo. It was literally like i was trying to capture what my brain was thinking. “Oooh, my food looks good, imma take a photo of this!” This was before taking pictures of photos was a thing. I literally forced myself to do social media experiments and started making a habit of making consistent posts on social media.

As i would meet people, they would add my on social and engage for a while but i think after a bit, they would stop because i posted so frequently. I think because i wasn’t a celebrity, it would be a bit creepy if someone i met liked EVERY SINGLE posts i made for a month lol. The funny thing is that i wouldn’t see any engagement for years from someone but i’d run into them IRL (In Real Life) and they would know everything i’ve done for the past few years because they were following my social media account. I’d run into people after not seeing them since college and they would see my son for the first time and say “oh man, i feel like i’ve seen you grow up and i finally get to meet you! I’ve seen you on instagram and facebook for years!” If this isn’t a cultural phenomenon, i don’t know what is. I think this particular example of modern engagement is a transformative shift in the way humans are now living. It’s not a small thing nor should it be looked at as casually.

Over the last few years, i’ve seen way more studies talking about the effects of social media and the increasing need for digital detoxing. As i said earlier, i was at the forefront of all this emerging so to me, social media is equivalent as living in smog my whole life. You just get used to it. Apple released screen time to help you see how much time your spending on your phone. Viral memes would showcase artists drawing social media logos as drug usage showing the addictive natures of these platforms. Awareness of the habit addiction of social media was starting to get more traction. The problem is that people still couldn’t get off the platforms. It was too late. Facebook, Instagram, Youtube and the other platforms successfully recruited the world’s top talent pool of creative minds and built the most addictive platforms on the planet. If you want to see the most consumed products, just look at the stock market for the highest valuations. Money comes in, talent comes in, brainpower is used to make their products more addictive resulting in a larger customer base and ultimately a change in culture behavior.

Behavior shifts any time culture adopts new norms. Today, new norms are dictated by money. Follow the money and it will lead you to where new norms are being developed. Today, technology dominates the global marketplace with companies like Facebook, Amazon, Netflix, and Google (FANG) leading the charge. The problem is because these companies are focused on increasing revenue and increasing stock prices, their motivation is singular focused. “How can we get more users and get them spending more time with our product.” Drug dealers ask the exact same question.

DIGITAL ADDICTION

Like and hearts. Today that is our culture. I work with hundreds of social media influencers and one of the questions i like asking is… “Does it get depressing?” I’m shooting 100% with answers of YES! Even though social media influencers are making careers of broadcasting their lives online, the consequence is almost always a loss of self identity. They have to constantly keep up to date with their followers and are no longer on their own schedules. If they miss a day or two posting, followers get impatient and start up a ruckus. I’ve heard influencers tell me, “It’s like i’m not really living my own life anymore because i have to be something my audience wants.” Their social accounts may have started innocent and authentic at the beginning but over time, the pressures to continue momentum takes a toll. I’m not a social influencer and i even had those feelings. I’d get a ton of likes on one post, then another wouldn’t engage. It was make me question, why would one type of post get hearts and likes while the others wouldn’t. It’s human behavior to want to be accepted and held in esteem. Maslow’s third and fourth rung right after your primal survival needs of living and safety.

Physiological needs - food, water, warmth, rest

Safety needs - security, safety, health

Belonging needs - relationships, friends, community

Esteem needs - respect, status, accomplishment

Self actualization - fulfillment of one’s potential

It’s no wonder that as a culture, we’ve flocked to these social platforms to fulfill our belonging and esteem needs. At what cost though?

As a human species, if we’ve sorted out our primal needs to survive by figuring out resources to eat and have shelter, the next eventual stage would be to make friends and get respect among our colleagues. In the past, we would need to go to events, functions and meet with people to do this but with the emergence of online communities, online gaming and general online engagement, we can get the same feeling of fulfillment with social media. While i feel that social media was intended for something very positive and useful, it’s really taken on a new shape with the amount of content that is now being released.

See, social media has now successfully created an online ecosystem of users that engage on a daily basis. This is now a common habit for a majority of the world today. I’m not sure if the originators of the social media platforms had any idea that their creations would have as much content on them as it is today. With more content, comes more moderation, with more moderation come more control and so on. The funny thing is, human behavior has patterns and they continue to emerge over the history of man kind. We love getting more of the things we love. You put a kid in a candy shop and he’ll eat until he gets sick. The good thing for kids is that we have parents and lack of funds that will cut off our supply of candy. Social media is free. You can consume all you want. The genius minds creating these companies are also paid very well to make sure you consume all you want and not only that… they try to make the content even more addictive.

A few years back, i started working on a new mobile app called “Binge Mix” with someone from the entertainment industry. The idea was that finding things on Netflix to watch has become so time consuming that we wanted to make it more “efficient” to binge with your significant other. Looking back on this concept, i’m glad it didn’t work because i don’t know how i would feel today knowing i made binge watching more accessible. Binge watching… when did that become a thing? We have so much disposable time now that we sit and watch addictive shows 4-8 hours at a time now? I’m guilty of this phenomenon myself. When my wife got into the show “Lost” our common phrase was.. “Just one more and then we will sleep.” If you really think about it, the days when we had 13 channels on a tv box to now thousands of shows at your finger tips is a result of blitzscaling media companies that have tapped into an addictive human behavior. Legalized media drugs.

Humans can’t help themselves. It’s our nature to consume more of what we want if it’s available to us. There is a dopamine hit in the brain that rewards us like a pavlovian dog every time it gets a treat. You might feel you have free will but every time you watch another video, click another link, or start another show…. You throw your freedom out the window and have become a slave to that platform. I don’t use that word lightly either. A SLAVE TO THE BINGE. To “binge” is synonymous with “addiction” and that is now the culture we live in today. The era of digital addiction. The question i have, is WHAT IS ALL THIS DOING TO OUR BRAINS?!?!?!

DIGITAL DETOX

Noise. Too much noise.

A few years back, i started a new experiment with my company. My wife would probably consider me a workaholic and i really have a hard time shutting my mind off from work. I get obsessive about things that catch my interest and it’s my nature to work hard. It would be really hard for me to leave my company operations for more than a few days for any time of vacation or time off. Even when i’d leave on vacation, i’d be on my phone checking things, writing new ideas down, taking down pages of notes on strategy and just not being able to relax. I started making it a point to intentionally power down my phone when i’d take a break at a certain point. It would suck going on a vacation, then working on vacation only to come back the same as i left. The hard part was trusting that the business wouldn’t crash and burn without me being there.

I started realizing that it would take me about a week to really disconnect from work. I considered the first week just a work detox to get my brain to settle. So i did my first 2 week vacation and turned my phone off for a week at a time. I would throw my phone into the hotel safe or dresser drawer and shut it off for a week. That to me was insane but i figured, if it takes me a week to decompress.. Perhaps turning it off completely will speed the process up. It did!

It was like a magical antidote for my workaholic pace of entrepreneurship. Turn the phone off, the brain starts forming back into a natural state. It freaked me out a bit but at the end of the week, i’d check in and see what was going on. I’m not going to lie and say everything was perfect. I had several fire drills and tons of anxiety doing this but i kept trying. After doing a week no phone, i tried 2 weeks. I would try these breaks over the next few years and would eventually get to 3-4 weeks without using my phone. Sounds almost impossible with the way the world works today but I was so desperate to recover from my overthinking at work that i made it happen. Well, actually my wife probably made it happen for me! hahah. I think she was getting tired of our vacations getting ruined with emotions and phone calls from work.

I know this isn’t possible for everyone to do right away but to me it was a goal. How long can i be without my phone and just connect with nature. In the 80’s we didn’t have smartphones and survived, we could probably do it today…. It’s just not “normal” anymore. The thing i started realizing when i’d do these digital detoxes, my brain would change. The noise would start to fade and my thoughts would get clearer. My ideas didn’t seem so cluttered and i was able to THINK!

The brain is supposed to be able to retain 7 numbers at a time as our working memory capacity. If this holds true with numbers, what is going on with our brains as we are saturating it with content? Is it deleting old files? Getting rid of old memories? I personally want to keep a lot of good memories and hopefully keep my brain running at top performance for the rest of my life. My instinct tells me that binge watching 4 hours of a Netflix show is definitely going to alter the way my brain works. It’s going to tell my brain… “If your focusing on this for 4 hours of your waking day, it must be important and i need to use processing power for this.” Even though we feel that binge watching helps us to disconnect and zone out, i’m pretty sure the opposite is happening. We are filling our brain hard drive with more stuff to process and it’s probably not good for our overall production as a human being. 

More content makes for more noise. More noise makes it harder to focus. Focus is what helps us achieve great results. Perhaps the reason why we are not getting the progress in life we want is because there has been a massive influx of content that has become way to easy to become addicted to. I think of it like trying to play basketball while drunk. The more you drink, the less effective your body functions perform and the more horrible choices you make on the court. Think of digital content as the alcohol and life as the basketball game. If you want to live more effectively, reduce the noise.

[sanguinesprout]

Some storms have passed, hopefully it’ll be warmer soon (updates and blah)

Um, welp... this may be my late-st post yet, that’s something new I guess lol, it ain’t so bad. I was seriously considering not posting this month but I know if I don’t stick to some sort of schedule then I’ll get too lazy and all past efforts will just be lost. At first I was busy for a few days, then I remembered and felt lazy some and then I forgot for some more days, but I’m here now and Imma write this post hoo!

I had another kind of argument and cry involving my sis but it was from a misunderstanding and it was brief and the make up was fast. I still find it hard to express my true feelings to her and her words still cut so strikingly hurtful and are seemingly insensitive at times, but some of mine must’ve hurt her just as bad too. When will I be able to speak my true mind? It’s just so difficult... but in time, with some work I really hope for that to be possible. 

Lately, I’ve been more active on getting my health problems sorted out, making and going to appointments and stuff. Well, none of the problems have actually been sorted out yet, as previously attempted, but I gotta keep pushing about them to hopefully get a better sort of resolution this time. I also went to some other health appointments I had being putting off, as with a lot of things, they weren’t as bad as I thought they’d be, which is good and good of me to finally do them ^^ Avoiding and not doing anything accomplishes nothing after all and again health is super important!

One of the appointments was to a mental health advisor person. The funny thing is I was inadvertently recommended to see them when I was investigating some physical problems. I kinda was hopeful that maybe I’d get referred somewhere better than last time’s super general counsellor by this advisor but uhhh nope. They smiled a lot and asked me how I generally was and a few tidbits about my past and then everything else was just some very general stuff about changing the way you think blah blah. I brung up AVPD, asked if there was anyone I could see who specialised in personality disorders but it was pretty much brushed off, which really sucked. 

At the end they asked if maybe I was interested in mindfulness/anxiety-reducing group therapy sessions and gave me some brief printouts with info. My first instinct would be to avoid like hell at the mention of being in a group, I was kind of irked by it and they noticed but they said to think about it and let them know next week. I also asked if there was someone else I could see 1-on-,1 but as they could see on record I already went to see someone last time (which I guess is the only thing of that they have) there was no luck there.

I’m debating whether to go or not, it could be helpful, there actually isn’t anything to lose. I’m just super paranoid about accidentally meeting someone I knew there (which is pretty irrational and who cares really ‘cause we’re in the same boat kinda thing). Also that I’ll have to give lots of info about myself to strangers, but the sheets say you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to/contribute as little or as much as you like, so that took away some of my uneasiness.

I can’t say it’ll be worth it or not unless I try it of course, a new experience and going out is good at least. I think maybe I will research it some more, then maybe go at least for one session just to see if I like it... hmm. Be brave me! You’ll be okay!

There were two groups I got handouts on, they’re both kind of similar but not. I assume I can only attend one, which one to choose? Maybe I’ll ask for more details when I next see the advisor. I’m proud of myself for going to the advisor foremost, I was pretty anxious and ready to avoid them at first lol.

I’m still very concerned about my family’s health :c My mum has been doing somewhat better, test results are slightly positive but still iffy and more follow-up tests are needed. The wait for those is long, it’s saddening and all the more scary. I really hope she’ll be okay. I wish I was stronger and could help out more. I really need to help myself faster and then help everyone else as soon as I can.

My dad’s health has actually been worse lately, we’ve been noticing some extra symptoms and even he has mentioned not feeling well and we keep telling him to see the doctor but he’s still super reluctant to. But even once he wondered to us if he should go after all. Being scared of going to the doctor or being scared of the increasing toll your health could be taking? I know which one of those I find worse. Maybe I should be more tricky like I did the previous times making appointments for him or at least try more convincing.

My sis’ health has not been too great lately either, she took on a second job and it’s very draining physically and she doesn’t get as much sleep but she does it because we need the extra financial help. I don’t like that it’s taking a strain on her health, it’s both physically and mentally stressful. I definitely agree she should quit if it really is too much. I need to hurry and get a job, things aren’t looking too great for me lately though, no more interview offers as of yet and not many application opportunities out there.

The job my sis got is actually the one I mentioned last time, which I was also invited to interview for. The ‘interview’ was just an extremely long winded talk with about only enough time for you to say maybe a few sentences about yourself in a room of a few people. Their whole system and just everything is extremely unorganised and so slap dash. The appointment dates were messed up and the interviewer had not seen any of our CV’s so all he had to go on to decide was the few lines we uttered pretty much.

As my sis works there now, she’s been telling me of how that disorganised-ness and everything literally encompasses and translates to the whole store and all its’ staff’s less than ideal work attitudes. I seriously thought such a big company would’ve been so much better than this, it’s really disappointing and makes me like it so much less. In a way, I’m kind of glad I was rejected, it’s like I dodged a bullet and with my health I would’ve struggled ten-fold 

I was disappointed with myself when I gave my few lines about myself in the ‘interview’. We were asked mostly what our career experience was and I really didn’t have much at all. I also answered briefly because I was one of the first to be asked. Just sitting there while everyone else went through their long list of past jobs and duties, man, it sucked and totally pushed me far out of the orbit of consideration lol. I was proud of myself at least for enduring the long-ass talks and for engaging and asking questions and keeping my cheery face on, good me.

In other things I kind of cut contact with the few online ‘friends’ I had been awkwardly avoiding and being scared to get rid of for so long. I was so anxious about it for so many years and had resorted to just not visiting that place at all but now that weight has pretty much been lifted. I still feel riddled with guilt and feel sad about it, but they weren’t really ‘friend friends’ more like acquaintances from a past mutual interest, so I shouldn’t feel so bad. I can’t believe all the energy I wasted fretting and overthinking, to them it was probably nothing as they have many other more important friends. People move on and people find new friends and interests, it happens all the time and it’s okay, it’s just life.

If something is hurting you or making you uncomfortable, just let it go, get rid of it for the sake of yourself and your health. It might hurt someone by doing so, but not doing so and letting yourself be hurt so much is no good either. That’s what a different friend told me and they are probably the only one I still keep in contact with now. I guess I got so caught up in being afraid to hurt some people a little that I forgot I was hurting myself a lot in the process. 

Even with the good friend though, it’s... awkward and uncomfortable still in a way, I’m not sure if’s just me or maybe if it’s them a little. I feel like maybe they only still talk to me to be nice. That they reply only out of obligation, but I’ve asked them this and they’ve denied it kind of... Tbh I feel like I wanted to cut contact with them too sometimes but I couldn’t and I probably wouldn’t. 

I can’t be sure if that’s just the avoidant and irrational part of me talking. You know, all the bad stuff floating in my head telling me I’m a nuisance to others, not worth talking to, awkward and just all these things putting myself down in general when it comes to communication and worth, I shouldn’t believe it. None of it is really true. Why is it so easy to believe these lies and irrational thoughts?

I am good and I am worthy, I have the choice to let go of things and believe in things that I want to, and I want these things to be positive and true, not negative and irrational! 

In other creative/leisure blah I have just not had the mood or energy to do much at all and it really blows because there’s still so much I haven’t done yet. I don’t want to keep being afraid of everything >< I did manage to do the tiniest bit of sewing again, things went wrong again and it was stressful but it kind of went okay in the end, so yay!

I’ve been kind of trying to build up the courage to sort of interact and be present more online, though the action hasn’t happened yet. It’s what happens when I take a break from something, the fear just builds up again and I’m back to square one. I feel like as with the previous mentioned stuff about friends and just kind of existing in places I didn’t want to be, that my slate has partially been wiped clean, like I can start anew and just be me a bit more in a new place. It’s only partially though, I still feel held back by all the bad feels and guilt and awkward from just every past interaction and the fear of the new. I need some more pep talk and convincing for myself first, but I will get there!

Something helpful to remember to do is instead of thinking of everything that could go wrong, to instead think of everything that could go right! It really flips over that scary negative feeling into something more nice and motivating. In the case of what I’m trying to do, it’s something I’ve already done before, so I’ve proven to myself I can do it already. Doing things is not actually that hard or scary, just don’t overthink everything and look to the positives rather than the negatives! Apply this more more more!

I think here’s a good place to stop now. As with every time... I did it, I wrote the post after putting it off so long, yay! 8D

I will try to remind myself the best I can, to be positive, be brave and be me! 

You too! Keep going! Up up up!

Have a positive and productive week! :D

[emprezz48]

Midnight Thoughts Part it’s-about-my-oshimen-graduating-soon-so-I-need-to-let-it-out-somewhere

Haven’t done this ever since Murai Junna grad... and here am I doing another one about Sakai Mei... 

As usual, Imma put the “keep reading” thing after this so you can skip this post and have a nice day (if you want to read this, feel free to waste your time)

Enjoy~

It all started when I watched the first episode of ebi calcio which was aired in late 2014 (but I watched it like really early 2015). It was a danso episode and Mei participated in it and MAI GAWD SHE WAS IKEMEN AS FFFFFF!!! My weakness is danso, so Mei really caught my attention... It wasn’t the first time I heard of her name (I found out about NonMei combi first but I never really paid much attention???) but after watching this episode, I totally could remember her.

2015 was a busy year for me, so I only had time to focus on a few SKE members (with my oshimen being Rena at that time) but months later after Rena graduated (and when I gave up being busy lololol) I started focusing on more and more members, with Mei being one of them. I found out how cool she is, but at the same time really cute and pretty, and quite a chikin XD (and also how she’s a 97 liner like me whaaaaaaat???) and that was the time when I really like NonMei as a pairing and shipped them like a delulu fan I am lol... I really started to like Mei more and more and she became one of my favourite members.

This photo was back in Fuyucon 2015? I stumbled upon this and I asked myself “Oh? Isn’t this Goto Risako? Wow she’s actually so prettyyyyyyy~ I wonder if she’s close to Mei?” I did my research and found out that this two same-aged girls get along pretty well despite being from a different gen and team, Risako appointed Mei as the leader of gorisa children, Mei calling Risako “Gori” despite the seniority, and there are few others cute moments here and there. If wasn’t for this photo, I wouldn’t have gotten soooooo into Risako, the member whom I can relate to the most... 

Also, being a DD then (without me realizing actually) I like a lot of SKE members, like really a lot. I couldn’t just stick to a member or two, pretty much I didn’t have an “oshimen”. But I was really really really following this two, commenting on their SNS, reading their blogs, digging up their older times in SKE, so on and so forth that it led to my decision to support them equally in 2016 (IT WAS ONLY LAST YEAR WTH) It was a gamble tbh. Despite being the youngest in their respective gens, they belong to the old gen of SKE. They’re also underrated as fuck (oh my god don’t get me started talking about Mei especially, wait you know what? I’ll actually get into that soon.) but I still decided to make both my oshimen instead of finding young buds (I DID FOR A WHILE BUT JUNNA...........)

I never felt so happy for an idol before. SSK is something that I have mixed feelings about, but when Mei finally ranked last year, I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I eventually cried. 63rd was a nice rank, and although it was just ONE vote, I was proud to be part of the meiteam (name of her fanbase) that helped her rank in^^ A part of me wished I had more money to spend on votes, but in general I was really happy because Mei was happy. In 2015, she managed to rank in during the preliminary round, but not getting ranked in the actually was really a frustrating moment for her. Getting ranked in SSK is one opportunity to get exposed, and I must say I was glad Mei had quite a number of jobs last year. 

I started to think “Wow, 2016 is really a good year for Mei” and everyone was like “RISE MEIMEI RISE” thinking she’ll continue getting chances to shine. Too bad, what we all thought was WRONG.

16th February, that was when Mei announced her graduation during Team E kouen in order to focus on achieving her dreams in becoming an actress. It’s a dream she had for a long time, and her thoughts of graduation wasn’t a sudden one. She has talked more in her blog (I translated it here) Basically this will be a positive graduation as she’s taking one step ahead in her life. 

To be honest, when she said she has thought of graduating since a year ago, I really didn’t know. All the good stuff happened in 2016 made me didn’t realize that she could leave just anytime. Then again, I can’t say that I wasn’t prepared for this. In fact, a day before her announcement, the list of members being able to participate in P4U event was released, and aside from members who already announced graduation before, Mei’s name was the only one not in the list. I must say, her fans got really scared and worried, and watched kouen the next day in fear. I was in that situation too, but I told myself to just think positively. 

Of course, even with that hint, I still cried. I barely heard what she said after the “I will be graduating from SKE” part that I had to find a clip and re-watch it. I thought to myself “I wonder if my reaction would be worst if I didn’t found out about the P4U thing” but after a while, I realized that I’ll still feel sad no matter what. Yes, I am happy that Mei is starting a new chapter in life, I already told myself I’m still gonna support her and try to follow whatever stuff she gonna do in the future. But Mei being in SKE played an important role in how my wota life went for the past year. I was never SO gachi before. Yes, one year is so short, but in one year, a lot of things can happen. So I think things will change a little for me once April starts.

Ok, if there’s one thing I should be frustrated about, then that’s about the fact that she’s a freaking underrated member. Although I did say that a lot of good things happened in 2016 for Mei, that’s just because for the past years she’s in SKE, there was absolutely nothing for her. I guess it was because she was young or something, but I’ve seen her performances at least way back to 2014, and I must say, she is arguably a really good performer! No matter what she does, she looks cool. Besides that, she’s also a fun person who not only just perform, but also “interacts” and play around with members during kouen. MC, excellent. She’s good at tsukkomi. Despite overall being a good performer, it just gets me sometimes seeing her dance positions during kouen.... It’s always at the back... On top of that, never had a chance to center any unit before!!!!!! This is insane to me tbh... There were so many times I saw chances for her to center a unit (for eg. Ame no Pianist unit during TeTsuna shuffle kouen) BUT IT NEVER HAPPENED!!! I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED LIKE THERE WERE SO MANY CHANCES!!!!!!! Like come on... if we can see bad dancers being put up as center (not pointing on any member btw) then why can’t we see members who are clearly capable to center, not getting a chance? Like seriously, all I wanted was just ONE chance... 

Which is why, when Suuchan started her own Suumelo Senbatsu (or what she name it as Melodies) and appointed Mei as the center, I was on cloud nine. Mei never had such opportunity for the past 6 years, yet her own fellow team member could gave her that spotlight. I could never thank Suuchan enough for this, although sadly, Melodies hasn’t fully formed yet (Suuchan still haven’t announced all the members) so they can’t start any activity. With Mei graduating already, we can never get to see her acting out as the center of the unit... but nevertheless, the title still counts, so I’m really thankful to Suuchan, really.

I may have sounded like I’m complaining a bit too much, but overall, I think Mei had a really really great time in SKE. She definitely learnt a lot in the past 6 years and grow up to be the best she can be. I know she love her fans a lot, she’s nice to everyone, even though she don’t give kami taiou during HS or something. In my case, since I’ve never been to HS, I could see her kindness through her replies in 755 (ok at least back when she often uses it before having twitter) I could be asking something specific, or commenting generic stuff like “have fun during kouen” or “how’s your day?” and she would still reply to them^^ Seriously nice. Like really. Cuz I do know that my japanese grammar is kinda horrible, some sentences sound weird, but she was really nice^^ It maybe ridiculous, but I screenshot all her replies to me, since I’m just an international fan who does not have $$$ and freedom to go to HS .^. SIGHHHHHHHH but anyways, I really treasure those replies as those were our ONLY interactions~ I actually wanted to write a fanletter (like legit write one and send it) but there’s way too much problems in my hand so I regretfully decided to leave it out... 

ANDDDDDDD I should wrap this up since it’s already so long......... 

As I’m typing this, it’s roughly 5:10 AM Japan Time so there’s around 13 hours till her graduation kouen? Obviously gonna watch it, but I’m gonna have to sleep first lol. I don’t know what kind of emotion I should have, but I hope the kouen will run smoothly. I also hope she’ll have fun and have a memorable last kouen, and although it’s weird to say this, I am looking forward to it.

Bye.

[lovenerdywinnerbouquetfan-blog]

1999 Pontiac Grand Am SE auto insurence?

"1999 Pontiac Grand Am SE auto insurence?

how much will it cost for me monthly just estimate the price please to have insurance on that car thanks and are ponitacs goood with there motor and all that it has 172000 miles on it for $2900 should i take it or na just tell me about the insurance please thanks

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://salecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Hi I was wondering if I can get Health Insurance?

I live in Florida and do not have Health Insurance, I am unemployed. Is there any insurance I can receive? I am 21 and living with my bf who has no Insurance but a job. ThankYou""

1999 Pontiac Grand Am SE auto insurence?

how much will it cost for me monthly just estimate the price please to have insurance on that car thanks and are ponitacs goood with there motor and all that it has 172000 miles on it for $2900 should i take it or na just tell me about the insurance please thanks

""What is the best, cheapest, online car insurance on the internet?

For FULL COVERAGE

With pretty good insurance what would the average cost to have?

a hospital monitor my heart over night? I have been having chest pains and went and got a EKG done my doctor said he thinks I am fine I may have just pulled a muscle. But I am having shortness of breathe and my chest has been just a little sore for over week and a half.

Health Insurance?

I have Blue Cross and Blue Shield from my job. It is very expensive for me and my wife. Is there any other option of affordable insurance that is worth a damn when I actually need it? Not some cheap.. Bob's Insurance or something like that...

What is the best insurance website?

i need to know so i can go to it and get insurance

What car insurance is cheapest?

For a 17 year old boy? Comprehensive, 7000 miles Best offer is a ford fiesta 2003 for 1.8k .. Any cheaper?""

Health Insurance for stay-at-home Mom & Baby?

I need to find affordable, but good, health insurance for my baby and myself. If my son and I go on my husbands insurance, I'd need a job just to pay for it because it's so expensive! I'm currently working but will be quitting a few months after our son is born. We've decided it would be best if I stayed home to raise our son. So, we need to find health insurance that wouldn't be sky high. Any suggestions? And thanks so much!!""

Range rover sport insurance?

if i wer 2 go out n buy a range rover sport, how much would insurance per year cost me??? im 19, held a full, clean driving licence for over 2 years! my partner would be the main driver, he is 23. held a full, clean driving licence for 5 years! thanx in advance!""

Is the only insurance for abortion Medicaid?

What are other insurances that cover Medicaid or is this the only one?

How much would auto insurance cost for a 1995 dodge viper?

I saw the car for sale for $16,000. The Viper has only 400 horsepower.""

What is individual and family health insurance?

I am planning to have family health insurance in these days but I want to understand the basic difference between individual and family health insurance.

Cost of Insurance for Nissan 350Z?

I am 18 years old (about to turn 19) and gonna buy a 350Z (well my parents are). I have always wanted one and I am getting it for looks and commuting only. But to be safe, I will buy a police radar and install a kill switch as soon as I get it. My question is how much would insurance be for a 2004-2005 Nissan 350Z? Would it be better to buy the Z in my parents' name under my parents' insurance? Also, I am curious of how much do any of you pay for a car like a 350Z.""

What is the cheapest Sr22 insurance in california?

I am 20 years old Dwv suspended my liscense for a year,i payed all my ticket fees,they were all mostly speeding,i had a total of 6 points on my record.where can i find cheap liabilty insurance?""

How much will 1 point affect my car insurance???!?

I got a right turn violation about 8 months ago and i took traffic school so im assuming that my insurance won't penalize me. Now i got another ticket(stop sign violation), how much would you estimate the percentage of my insurance? I live in California btw and im 20 years old.""

Cant afford my car and insurance?

I am 19 years old and I financed a 2005 jetta and paid close to 12,500 for my car. Yes I got ripped off.. I pay $333.65 a month for the car and $165.00 for insurance. I am completely out and cant afford this car anymore. What do I do? If i stop paying for it will they take it imminently? I need help. If the bank takes it back they sell it they will come after me for the difference. But i dont have anything they could take. what do i do.. I have made 2 payments of $333.65. Im in california, so will they garnish my wages?""

Cheapest and reliable car insurace company?

how has the lowest quote out under normal circumstances? i know they categorize it based on age,sex, etc. just tell me who has the cheapest insurance.is it really GEICO?""

I need car insurance.?

!9 years old with a DWAI. Car needs collision. where do I get car insurance.

Who has a better idea for getting health insurance companies to cover pre-existing conditions?

The problem is that, without the mandate, insurance companies won't cover people with pre-existing conditions. Otherwise, people will just wait until they get sick to buy insurance. So you have to create a system where everyone is insured -- a mandate. OK, if you don't like the mandate, how would you get insurance companies to provide affordable insurance to people with pre-existing conditions without a requirement for everyone to have insurance Your solution has to cover the situation where a person gets laid off, wants to start their own business, and needs to buy affordable individual coverage (not group coverage) for themselves and their family. You have 30 minutes. Begin....now.""

Will my car insurance go up if this happens?

In NY, if you are under 18 and drive past 9pm you can have your license revoked for 90 days. If you are under 18 and drive past 9pm, get your license revoked, will it drive up the cost of insurance? I have State Farm insurance.""

Pickup Truck insurance at age 18?

I am 18 and I want to get a Nissan Navara. I have got a quote for the non-commercial versions eg le, se and xe for 1990 which is fine, but I cant get an online quote for the D22 version. Its a 2005 D22 Navara di. It says I have to ring them as they cant give me an online quote. Does anyone know if this model can be insured on normal car insurance as I am under 21 and it will be very difficult and expensive to get commercial or van insurance.""

Do adding aftermarket parts to car increase the price of insurance (uk)?

if i add new alloys and add window tints and change the exhaust would it increase the price of insurance and how much and do check the car if it has these parts

Can an insurance company know you have a pre-existing condition if you don't tell them?

Like if I go to a doctor on my new insurance company but don't tell them I was diagnosed as having ADD when I was a child (the last time I took medicine for it was 10 years ago), will they have a way of finding out?""

What if my medical insurance has expired and i still have refills?

if i still have like 4 refills left, has my insurance paid for it before or do i have to pay for the refills now? the insurance was medicaid""

Canceling car insurance?

i got some car insurance for a car i was purchasing today as i did not want to drive it home over 100 miles with out none , i only took it out yesterday but when i went to pick up the car it had obtained some problems that it did not have before so i have not brought it. i was told when i got the insurance that i would have 14 days to cancel it but when i rung them up today to cancel it they have said i can not and i will have to pay all of the premium in full, i explained to them why i was needing to cancel it and was told it is not their fault and i still have to pay all outstanding monies , is this right . this is with swinton if it matters.""

Where can I find affordable health insurance with no waiting period for maternity coverage?

We're residents of Virginia, but use a doctor and hospital in North Carolina, and can't seem to find a thing. Doesn't need to pick it up as a pre-existing condition. Ehealthinsurance.com didn't find a thing for us. Any help is appreciated.""

What is a good health insurance?

I want to get insurance for me and my husband. I need an insurance that offer health dental and vision benefits. I have seen alot of insurances, but i want an insurance that gives me good benefits, not just discounts. Can someone please give me opinions about your insurance and what benefits they provide you?""

1999 Pontiac Grand Am SE auto insurence?

how much will it cost for me monthly just estimate the price please to have insurance on that car thanks and are ponitacs goood with there motor and all that it has 172000 miles on it for $2900 should i take it or na just tell me about the insurance please thanks

Young drivers car insurance uk?

I am 17 trying to find a car ive tryed suzuki alto1.0 and a clio 1.2 and both cost of 10,000-12,000 on go compare and compare market . I know insurance is high but come on it has locked garage immobilser fitted and I have no conviction any help just want a company with a lot lower price any ideas part from dont drive""

Motorcycle insurance question?

Will i receive anything in the mail if I get a motorcycle insurance quote online? I don't want them sending anything.....lol

Will my inusrance go up with a speeding ticket?

The other day i was driving and got pulled over for going 80 on a 65. i live California. I am 19, a student, and this is my first ticket ever. I was wondering if my insurance would go up. i wanted to hide it from my parents, if insurance goes up then i wouldnt be able to hide it. Also, anyone know what it would cost me? If i do driving school to erase it, would it still make insurance go up?""

Life & house insurance on rented?

If you are moving into a rented property how does life insurance work as it usually goes against the cost of the home as it is paid off? Also, what about house insurance, would you just need contents insurance and take off building insurance as that is covered by the landlord isn't it?""

A rough price of my insurance?

I was wondering how much will it cost for me to insure a 1.4-1.6L car.

Nissan 370z insurance cost?

Hi, im 16, and im looking into getting a 2009 370z next year. I already have the financing calculated and I can afford the monthly payments with the job i currently have. But I know the insurance would rock my wallet. And that's if they even DO insure me. So my question is, will insurance even take me? If they do, roughly how much yearly? Do you think its too expensive? Should i look into a used 350z? Thanks in advance.""

Texas Automobile Insurance?

I got hit by someone else. Their insurance is not providing total cost up front for a rental car while mine is in the shop. I was not at fault. The Insurance carrier is Farmer's Insurance. They said to pay the difference of the rental, and they would reimburse. My understanding by an insurance facilitator at my old company is that if the fault was not yours, then the insurance company has to accommodate you with full pay for the rental car for a comperable vehicle to the one that was damaged. Anyone have any knowledge of the law, and links where I can find out the info? Thank you in advance.""

""Motor Trader Insurance Regulations, what are the rules?""

I currently work for a company and drive a modified vehicle for them. It is not modified for speed but for a specific purpose. Anyway I would like to steal their idea and have tried to look for insurance for a similar vehicle (which I would construct). My insurance quote has come back as almost 4000, but I have discovered that they use motor trader insurance to cover themselves. So what are the rules with motor trader insurance, do I need to buy and sell some cars? do I need to be a registered LTD company? What would qualify me for motor trader insurance? UK Answers only please (as the rules are likely to be different in different countries). Thanks SPAMMY PEOPLE SHOULD BE KILLED IN A HUMILIATING AND PAINFUL WAY. IF YOU SPAM THIS QUESTION I WILL REPORT YOU.""

Insurance Broker Question?

On average how much does an insurance broker make in california? Or how much just a well rounded guess nationwide it does not matter... When an insurance broker gets commision from a company for helping them get more customers...around how much percentage does he cut from the company?

Best Choice for Car/Insurance Price?

I am 21 and will be going shopping for a car under my own name where I will actually be making the payments and insurance for once I was wondering what kind of car would be a good choice I prefer nothing older than a 2007 and preferably like a Honda civic, Scion TC, maybe a mustang, jetta, nothing too horrible on gas and something I won't look lame in lol. Keep in mind I dont want something that is going to make my insurance too high I want a good rate on my insurance. Factors to know is that I am 21 year old MALE in Houston, TX. I really want to know what would be a good combo, like what car should I get to get the best deal on my insurance. oh and my deductible on collision/comprehensive i dont want to have more than $500 each.""

Cheapest car insurance uk desperate!?

im 17 and just passed my test and i have a citreon saxo sx 1.4. my parents dont drive so i cant get insured on their name so i know its going to cos me a fair amount. ive tried looking on all the search engines such as confused but the prices are so expensive! does anyone know any individual companies that are really cheap, i really am desperate!! lol, thanks.""

Car accident. how much will my deductable go up?

i might need a new bumper. i was stopped in a parking lot going into first gear when this lady backed into my bumper. she claimed fault for it and i have a signed statement from her. i am 16 years old and i live in the state of Ohio. perfect record and no pasted accidents. will this make my insurance go up? and if so by how much?

What are the best health insurance plans in Massachusetts?

...for individuals available through the Mass Health Connector?

Is car insurance higher if your car only has two doors?

If your car has two doors, instead of four, is the price of car insurance higher?""

Car insurance for teen help?

So am buying a car and my parents don't have a driver license But i Do But i am only 17 which makes the insurance a lot . So my moms friend said he would put me under his insurance but he isn't Driving but he has a valid new your license . So is there a way for me to be under his insurance with the title of the car in my name ? or does it have to be in his name does he add me to the policy as a Additional driver & The car Or just me alone and not the car ? what would happen if i get pulled over and the title is in his name ?

What is a car insurance raise depend on? ?

Hello, I come here because everyone I ask just tells me not to worry about it and I JUST WANT TO KNOW! Sorry if this is way too long. I don't want to miss anything. Anyways, I got into a minor accident recently. When I say minor, I mean minor. I bumped them at a red light because I scooted up without looking. Didn't even touch the gas. This is my first accident. I'm twenty years old. When I went to look at our cars my car was a little scuffed, nothing that a little buffing couldn't take off. Their car, was even less. One of the passengers (there were 5 adults total, two children sitting on laps) claimed his back hurt. I was in panic mode as the driver told me that we could handle this without contacting insurance. Later I came to my senses when I realized that this guy with the back injuries was going to keep coming back to me asking for more money, so I told them to call my insurance agency. My question is, does anyone know in the state of Florida what determines how much your car insurance goes up? His injuries (not positive but almost positive) are not bad enough to go into my bodily injury. His PIP should cover it. For example, will your insurance go up based on the damages you have to pay for ? Since I made very VERY minimal damage, will my insurance only go up a little ? Thanks for reading my giant ramble and thanks for responses. Sara""

How much would the car insurance for a Dodge Challenger 392 STR8 be?

Considering that it's for a 20 year old with two other adults included in the insurance plan of State Farm *If you have any information please help, this is for a Driver's Education project""

How much would insurance cost for a 17 year old with a bimmer ?

Probably a late 1990's model. I have to pay for the car and 1/3rd insurance - so I'm just wondering how much insurance would be around for a BMW ?

Does any one know about any 0 deductible health insurance plan with low monthly payment?

State California

First Time Insurance?

Does anyone have any suggestions of companys for Insurance for a first time driver, i dont expect it to be too cheap but most qoutes ive had are Horrendous. also, cars that would be low on insurance would be great, cheers!""

Hi my parents have allstate auto insurance...?

i was just licensed, and my parents have that car insurance. Will it cost less to have my car included into their insurance rather than having a separate one for myself? and if so approximately by how much less per month?""

Can kaiser health insurance drop me?

I'VE been vomiting and been feeling sick but i dont know what is causing it so i applied for health insurance and got approved. On the application, it askedif i was diagnosed with any illness and i was not. But if i go to a physical exam, telling them of my symptoms and do get diagnosed with something, can theinsurance drop me? I feel like i did not lie on my application because i dont even know if i have a disease but i am worried that they will say that i had a preexisting condition?""

Can I visit the hospital or doctor without health insurance?

I have been off of by parents health insurance for two years, even though I am a full-time college student, it's just how it was written in their plan. Here is the scoop: Two years ago I injured my knee and got treated for puncture wounds, and had some minor problems with a popping sound here and there over the years. Now, recently, the same knee is in so much pain, I almost cry. It feels like someone is sticking a flat-head screw driver into my knee and hitting it. I checked my symtoms (swollen, severe pain, weakness, loud popping and clicking, instability, pain when walking) on web md and every symptom points to a tore ALC ligament. The charts for pain match 100%. I don't have any form of health insurance, can I still go somewhere to get treated? My knee is severely swollen, and I can feel a shooting pain up and down my leg. It also feels like my knee is pulsating... Help please, I need to go get this taken care of ASAP, I was advised to for it can cause blood clots.""

Is Progressive a good insurance company?

Is Progressive a good insurance company?

If i'm 17 and in the military can i get a discount on car insurance?

My mom has PGC insurance and with me added to it its another $1000 ever 6 months. I'm in the U.S. army. is there a way i can get a discount on car insurance?

1999 Pontiac Grand Am SE auto insurence?

how much will it cost for me monthly just estimate the price please to have insurance on that car thanks and are ponitacs goood with there motor and all that it has 172000 miles on it for $2900 should i take it or na just tell me about the insurance please thanks

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/liberty-mutual-insurance-please-help-daryl-preisentanz"