#Inspired by when love arrives by Sarah Kay | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thornyrose463 · 9 months

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Exposed (Cobra Kai story): Chapter 4

Carmen came home from work and discovered that the faucet in her kitchen was leaking. She called Johnny, but before she could tell him what was going on, she found him standing at her door in an aviator’s flight suit. She and Johnny made love. She, Johnny, their newborn child, Sarah, and Miguel had lunch in the park. She and the baby watched Johnny, Sarah, and Miguel play volleyball on the beach. At sunset, Johnny took the baby for a motorcycle ride. The baby was in a carrier strapped across Johnny’s chest. This turned out to be a Top Gun-inspired dream. Carmen woke up with a smile on her face and told Johnny about the dream.

At the LaRusso family’s mansion, Daniel and Chozen kept an eye on Daniel’s dealership via security cameras. Daniel wondered why Terry hadn’t come after him yet. Chozen said that snakes always waited for the right time to strike. He theorized that Mike would be on their side after losing his furniture store to arson. Daniel said that Mike may not realize Terry was responsible, as he had left town while his insurance company investigated. Chozen told Daniel that he would not allow Terry to attack on his watch. Amanda approached Daniel and Chozen and asked for their opinion on her outfit. She was worried it was too much. Daniel and Chozen told Amanda that she looked beautiful. Daniel and Amanda were going to go to a charity auction, as he wanted to become involved in local politics and she was interested in philanthropy. Before Daniel and Amanda left the mansion, Daniel told Chozen to be vigilant.

Shannon arrived at Johnny and Sarah’s apartment complex after trying to reach Johnny by phone. Johnny told her that he had been busy job hunting. She had come to pick up Robby's belongings, as he would be spending the summer at her parents' cabin.

When Shannon walked into Johnny and Sarah’s apartment, she was impressed. “Wow. It looks like a functioning adult lives here now.”

“Yeah. I made some changes.” Johnny said.

Johnny pointed at the picture of the lighthouse. “That is a real lighthouse in Narragansett. Built in 1856.”

“Oh, my God. You knocked Carmen up, didn't you?” Shannon asked.

Johnny’s face turned pale.

Johnny sighed. “Uh, how did you...”

“You took down the babes, it smells nice, and you're making that face.” Shannon said.

“What face?” Johnny asked.

“That one. Overwhelmed. The same face you made when I got pregnant.” Shannon said.

Johnny sighed. “Yeah, well, there's a lot to figure out. I still have to tell Robby, Sarah, and Miguel. Carmen had this dream about us. There was a house and a yard.”

“Well, yards aren't cheap. Can you afford another kid on your part-time sensei salary?” Shannon asked.

“I'm not a sensei anymore.” Johnny said.

“Hmm?” Shannon asked.

“Lost a bet. Long story.” Johnny said.

“Ah, that's why you're job hunting. Got it.” Shannon said.

“Last time I looked for a job, nobody wanted me. I'm not a suit and tie type of guy.” Johnny said.

“What if I told you there was a way you could earn real money without being scammed and without a tie?” Shannon asked.

“I tried that after high school. Some of the women got a little grabby.” Johnny said.

“I'm talking about the gig economy. You know, rideshares, food delivery. But you will need a real phone for that.” Shannon sighed. “I'll make this easy on you. There are these tech guys. They show up to your door and set everything up.”

“Dork-to-door service, huh? Never thought I'd see the day.” Johnny said.

Sam, Anthony, Yasmine, and Moon were at a water park called Splasharama Water Adventure.

Sam was reading a book.

Anthony was ogling Yasmine and Moon.

Sam looked at Anthony in disgust. “Ew. Anthony, can you not stare at my friends?”

“No, no, no, I wasn't…Um…Uh, staring.” Anthony said.

Anthony walked away.

Moon giggled.

Yasmine smirked. "He's starting high school in the fall, right? Let's torture him. Tell him later I asked if he has been working out."

“Ew. You guys are so gross, and I want no part of this.” Sam said.

“So, Sam, how's the whole Eat, Pray, Love journey going?” Moon asked.

“Actually better than I expected. It has been kind of nice to just focus on myself, without all the karate or relationship drama.” Sam said.

Eli, Sarah, Miguel, and Riley walked towards Sam, Yasmine, and Moon.

Sarah was wearing red flip-flops and a red bikini. Her naturally straight blonde hair was down. She had on a light amount of black eyeliner, a light amount of black mascara, and soft brown eyeshadow. Her lip balm was a pretty peach colour.

Riley was shirtless. He was wearing green flip-flops and green swim trunks with a white drawstring. The drawstring was tied into a bow.

Riley waved at Moon. “Hey, babe.”

Moon waved at Riley.

Moon looked at Sam. “Oh, I totally forgot that they were coming.”

“It's fine. Really.” Sam said.

“Are you sure? I can tell him I'll see him later.” Moon said.

“No, Moon, seriously. This is going to happen. And it's all right. Miguel and I are still friends.” Sam said.

Riley gave Moon a peck on the lips.

Riley sat next to Moon.

"Um...Uh, hey, how are you doing, Sam?" Miguel asked nervously.

“Hey. I’m…Uh…I’m good. You?” Sam asked.

Miguel gestured to the chair next to Sam.

“I'm good. Uh…Is anyone...” Miguel trailed off.

“Go ahead.” Sam told Miguel.

Miguel sat next to Sam. Eli and Sarah sat next to Yasmine.

"Am I alive? Or did I die of embarrassment and this is my hell?" Yasmine asked.

Robby arrived at Splasharama Water Adventure . His eyes landed on Tory, who was sitting next to some of the other Cobra Kai students.

“Hey, Tory,” Robby called out.

Tory got out of her seat.

“I’ll see you later.” Tory walked away from her fellow students.

Tory approached Robby.

Tory smiled. “Hi.”

Tory put her hands on Robby’s cheeks and kissed him.

“I missed you.” Tory said.

“I missed you too.” Robby said.

“How was Mexico? Hit up the beach with your dad and Sarah?” Tory asked.

“Uh...It wasn't really that kind of trip, but…Uh, we did work out a few of our issues. There are still some that are too big to solve. Look…Um, I've been thinking about this for a while now, and I was wondering if you'd consider taking a break from Cobra Kai.” Robby said.

“What are you talking about?” Tory asked.

“You heard what Kreese did. He's not even half as bad as Silver. Now is the time to get out before things get worse.” Robby responded.

“I can't just quit.” Tory said.

“If I did it, you can do it. Silver is going to get inside your head, and then...” Robby trailed off.

“I'm glad you, your dad, and Sarah worked through some of your shit. If you want to leave the dojo, that's on you. Don't tell me what to do. I'm a big girl. I can make my own decisions.” Tory said.

“Okay.” Robby said.

“Come on. Let's check out the Typhoon. It has a five-story drop that's supposed to be sick.” Tory said.

Robby followed Tory to the Typhoon.

Kyler spoke to his fellow students. “It's a lot of pressure, but if Keene is out, I’ve got no choice but to be the next King Cobra.”

“Whoa. Wait, wait. Robby's not out. He was just on a trip.” Kenny said.

Kyler looked at Kenny. “You’re tripping if you think he's coming back. Dude is out like Flint. Okay, we’re out here on our own, bro.”

Kyler turned to his friends. “Hey, let's go to the big boy rides. No lifeguard.”

Kyler and his friends laughed as they walked away.

Kenny observed Anthony from a distance with a smirk on his face.

Daniel and Amanda arrived at the charity auction, which helped underprivileged teens in the Valley, and met its founder, Eva Garcia. They discovered that the auction was taking place at Terry’s home. Terry was a donor and was angling for a spot on the board, much like Amanda. After Amanda and Eva walked inside, Daniel told Terry not to ruin the day for Amanda. Terry smugly told Daniel that he had no intention of ruining Amanda’s day. Observing Daniel's barely contained rage, he pointedly hoped that no nothing else would ruin it for her.

Johnny heard someone knocking on his door. He opened the door and saw Demetri, who had gotten a summer job at Tech Town. Demetri showed Johnny an array of smartphone models. He chuckled when Johnny said that he was looking for something under 50 dollars. Realizing Johnny was serious, Demetri offered him an old weathered phone with a broken screen, which Johnny accepted before backhandedly thanking him for helping him.

At Splasharama Water Adventure, Kenny, Kyler, and some of the other Cobra Kai students approached Anthony.

“Looking pretty pasty, LaPusso.” Kenny said.

Kyler scoffed. “This is the chode that was giving you shit at school?”

“You’ve been to my house. You dated my sister.” Anthony said.

“I date a lot of sisters,” Kyler said nonchalantly.

“I don’t want any trouble.” Anthony said.

“You should have thought of that before you and your friends decided to go after me.” Kenny said.

“Look, I-I said I was sorry, okay? And you already got me back. I thought we were cool.” Anthony said.

Kenny pretended to be deep in thought. “Oh, oh, you...You thought we were cool. Okay. Let me think. Um…Are we cool?”

Kenny looked at Kyler with a smile on his face, then he looked at Anthony. “Nah.”

Kyler laughed.

“Hey, hey! Come on, guys! Let me go!” Anthony yelled as Kenny and his fellow Cobra Kai students buried him in inner tubes.

Eli’s eyes landed on Kenny, his fellow students, and Anthony.

“Oh, God damn it,” Eli muttered.

“Watch out.” Kenny told his fellow students.

Kenny’s fellow students stepped back.

“Hey. Aits!” Kenny yelled, kicking Anthony into the pool.

“Ooh!” Kyler exclaimed.

When Kyler saw that Anthony was upside down, he laughed. “Good one!”

“Thank you.” Kenny said.

“My man. Bye!” Kyler waved at Anthony mockingly.

“Hey, let's go! Yes, sir.” Kenny high-fived his fellow students.

“My man!” Kyler laughed as he pulled Kenny into a bro hug.

Eli walked up to Kenny and the other Cobra Kai students.

“What the hell was that?” Eli asked.

Kyler pushed Eli. “None of your business.”

Eli glared at Kyler. “I'm making it my business.”

Kenny looked at Kyler. “Hey. Kyler, Kyler...Maybe he needs another haircut to remind him who he’s talking to.”

“You want to take on the champ, kid?” Eli asked.

“Dude, you’re only the champ because Diaz got hurt. Robby won as many fights as you did.” Kenny said.

“One of them was against you. And that wasn’t much of a fight, was it?” Eli retorted.

“Aw, come on now. You really going to take that from him? From Lip?” Kyler asked Kenny.

Tory walked up to Kenny, Kyler, and Eli.

“Hey, hey, hey! Back off.” Tory pushed Kenny and Eli away from each other.

Eli glared at Tory. “Stay out of this.”

Kenny taunted Eli. “What's the matter? You scared I'm right?”

“Champ.” Kenny spoke mockingly, winking at Eli.

Tory looked at Kenny. "Hey, enough."

Tory turned to Eli. “Unless you want your ass kicked, stay on your side of the park. Away from us.”

A young boy smiled at Eli and flexed his arms. “Hey, yo, champ!”

Eli looked at the Cobra Kai students. "All right. If you guys stay on your side, we won’t have a problem."

Eli smirked. "We have better rides on our side anyway."

Eli walked away.

Tory looked at Kenny. "Hey. It's over. He's not worth it."

Kenny spoke. "All right, we’re out of here."

Tory’s fellow Cobra Kai students walked away.

Robby approached Tory. “Hey. I know you can handle yourself. But don't tell me the best place for Kenny is Cobra Kai.”

At the charity auction, Daniel tried to convince Amanda that Terry was plotting against them. Amanda doubted that he would do so in front of multiple witnesses at a charity auction. After Daniel left to put in a good word for her with Eva, Terry approached Amanda and offered her a glass of wine. He said that he was not Daniel's enemy and that he had a different vision for Cobra Kai. He told her that Daniel sent Chozen to disrupt his dojo and assault his prospective employees. She was taken aback.

Johnny’s new job as a rideshare driver was off to a rough start, as he received 1-star ratings and a litany of complaints due to being late, disregarding traffic laws, playing loud music, delivering cold food, and urinating in an empty beer can.

At Splasharama Water Adventure, Mitch complained to Bert and Devon. “This is bullshit. I've been waiting to go on the Double Dragon all summer.”

“Hawk said we can't go over there. Cobra Kai has claimed it.” Bert said.

“So, we're just going to let them make up arbitrary rules? We have just as much right to those slides as anyone else.” Devon said.

Devon started walking towards Cobra Kai’s side of the park.

Devon stopped walking and turned to face Mitch and Bert.

“You coming?” Devon asked.

Devon, Mitch, and Bert walked past Sam, Yasmine, Moon, Eli, Sarah, Miguel, and Riley.

Miguel looked at the book Sam was reading and asked, “You get to the part where he finds the abandoned bus?”

“Oh…Uh, I think you're thinking of Into the Wild.” Sam said.

“That's the one. Yeah. But this is the prequel, right?” Miguel asked.

“Uh, yeah.” Sam said. “Yeah, this one has no guy. All bus.”

“All bus. Yeah.” Miguel said.

“There's a whole chapter about the windows going up and down.” Sam said.

“I was partial to the part where the doors open and shut.” Miguel said.

Sam chuckled.

“Look, I was thinking of braving the lazy river if you want to join.” Miguel said.

“Uh, yeah. Right after this chapter. I want to see what happens to the bus driver.” Sam said.

“Of course. Yeah. It's a page-turner.” Miguel said.

Some of the Cobra Kai students started arguing with Devon, Mitch, and Bert.

Tory and Robby approached Tory’s fellow students, Devon, Mitch, and Bert.

“Hey! Stop, stop!” Tory yelled.

“Guys, stop, stop!” Robby yelled.

Tory and Robby got in between Tory’s fellow students, Devon, Mitch, and Bert.

Eli’s eyes landed on Tory, the other Cobra Kai students, Devon, Mitch, and Bert.

“You kidding me with this bullshit again?” Eli asked, his voice full of annoyance.

Eli’s eyes landed on Robby before landing on Miguel.

“There's Keene. You said he wasn't in Cobra Kai anymore.” Eli said.

“It's what Sensei told me.” Miguel said.

Eli, Sarah, and Miguel approached Tory, Robby, Tory’s fellow students, Devon, Mitch, and Bert.

“Hey. What are you doing?” Miguel asked.

Robby glared at Miguel. “You stay out of this.”

“Don't...” Miguel trailed off.

A lifeguard walked up to Eli, Sarah, Miguel, Tory, Robby, Tory’s fellow students, Devon, Mitch, and Bert.

The lifeguard blew his whistle.

The lifeguard spoke. "Stop it. All of you. Or you're all getting kicked out."

The lifeguard’s words silenced Eli, Sarah, Miguel, Tory, Robby, Tory’s fellow students, Devon, Mitch, and Bert.

The lifeguard left.

Sarah spoke. “Okay, clearly, we can't coexist in peace, so let's find a solution.”

"We can't fight, or we'll be kicked out. What are we supposed to do?" Mitch asked.

“We need to go.” Robby told Tory.

“No.” Tory said.

"How about a race?" Bert suggested.

Eli, Sarah, Miguel, Tory, Robby, Tory’s fellow students, Devon, Mitch, and Bert looked at the water slide above them.

“Yeah. I’ll go.” Eli said.

“So will I.” Tory said.

“All right! Champ versus champ!" Kyler cheered.

Tory looked at Eli. “Whoever wins gets the park.”

“Deal. But you won't win.” Eli said.

At the charity auction, Amanda told Daniel what Terry said about Chozen. Daniel claimed that Chozen was just put in a bad situation and had to defend himself. Daniel was called to the podium, where he presented his donation: a trio of bonsai trees. Terry bought the trees for 30 thousand dollars, which upset Daniel. Terry told the audience that Cobra Kai would offer free karate lessons to low-income children. Daniel told Terry to respect the bonsais. Terry said the bonsais sounded like a lot of work and he might use them for mulch.

Johnny delivered food to Lyle, the owner of the pawn shop. Lyle was disgusted that Johnny sampled the food and threw it in the trash.

“This job sucks ass, man. All anyone does is complain. I drove them to the wrong place, brought the wrong order, food's too cold, food's wet 'cause a beer spilled on it.” Johnny complained.

“So quit.” Lyle suggested.

“I want to, but there’s a kid on the way. I have a son and a daughter. Then there's Miguel.” Johnny said.

“Okay. I don't need the whole family tree. You know, not everybody gets to do their dream job. Most people hate what they do. You think I ever wanted to work in a pawn shop, let alone own three? Dealing with the likes of you is the worst part of my day.” Lyle said.

“Really? Why don't you quit?” Johnny asked.

“Because it pays the bills, but most of all, it allows me time for what matters most. My family.” Lyle said.

“You have a family?” Johnny asked.

“Three kids. You'll never meet them. The point is, once you figure out what matters most, doing that other stuff gets a little easier, because you know you're doing it for them.” Lyle said.

“Maybe you're not such an asshоlе after all.” Johnny said.

“Aw. Still giving you one star for touching my food.” Lyle said.

“Join the club, man.” Johnny responded.

At Splasharama Water Adventure, as Eli and Tory prepared for the race, Robby approached Kenny and told him that he was quitting Cobra Kai. He tried to convince Kenny that it would turn him into someone he didn’t want to be. Kenny said that Cobra Kai had made him stronger than ever and he would never quit. Disappointed in his former mentor, Kenny walked away.

The race commenced. Eli’s tube had a hole in it, which caused it to deflate. This resulted in Tory winning the race. The Miyagi-Do students and the Eagle Fang students called the Cobra Kai students cheaters. Eli confronted Kenny for sabotaging his tube. A fight ensued. Eli had the upper hand until Robby pushed him into the pool. Miguel squared off with Robby. The lifeguard arrived and told the Cobra Kai students, the Miyagi-Do students, and the Eagle Fang students to leave.

At the charity auction, upon noticing Terry talking to Eva about Amanda, Daniel demanded to know what he said. Preying upon Daniel's paranoia, Terry claimed that he made disparaging comments about Amanda. Daniel pushed Terry into the bonsai trees, sending the two of them crashing to the floor. Afterwards, Eva told Daniel that Terry spoke highly of Amanda. Embarrassed, Amanda left. Daniel followed Amanda. Terry smirked, having succeeded in his plan to sow strife in Daniel's marriage.

While he was with a customer, Johnny called Shannon. He apologized for not being around when Robby was a kid. He asked if Robby could spend the summer with him and Sarah. Shannon told him that he could pick up Robby from the water park. Johnny missed his customer’s stop and had to turn around.

Robby and Tory were in the parking lot of Splasharama Water Adventure.

“This really sucks. I can't believe they kicked us out.” Tory said.

“This is what happens when Cobra Kai's involved. Everybody loses.” Robby said.

“Are you trying to blame me? I was trying to stop a fight, not start one.” Tory said.

“You won the tournament, and everything's going good for you, but you're part of the problem.” Robby said.

“I was just hoping we could have a fun day together, but I guess that's impossible.” Tory said.

“It's only impossible if you're still in Cobra Kai, and so is staying with me.” Robby said.

“Well, I'm not leaving Cobra Kai.” Tory said.

“Then I guess that’s it. You, Kenny, and everyone else can stay brainwashed. I'm done trying to help.” Robby walked away.

Miguel walked through the parking lot until he found Eli, Sarah, Riley, Yasmine, and Moon.

Sarah was wearing a red t-shirt and dark blue denim shorts over her bikini. The shorts reached her mid-thigh.

“Hey. Do you guys know where Sam went?” Miguel asked.

"Oh, she split on her own. She didn't want anything to do with this drama." Moon said.

“Yeah, neither did I.” Miguel said.

Miguel’s eyes landed on Robby.

“Uh…Go ahead. I'll catch up.” Miguel said.

Miguel walked towards Robby.

Worried that Miguel and Robby would get into another fight, Sarah followed Miguel.

“Hey! I could have sworn Sensei said you were out of Cobra Kai.” Miguel said.

“I'm not in Cobra Kai.” Robby said.

“You're on their side every time they start fighting.” Miguel said.

“You don't know what you're talking about.” Robby said.

Miguel pushed Robby. “You think that because you came to Mexico, you're a good guy. Well, you’re not.”

Robby put his finger on Miguel’s chest. “Look who's talking. Let’s get one thing clear. I didn't come to Mexico for you.”

“Guys, stop!” Sarah yelled.

Miguel pushed Robby again. “Nobody asked you to go anywhere!”

Johnny arrived. He got out of his car and pulled Miguel away from Robby.

“Hey, hey! Stop it. I want you to get along. We're all friends now.” Johnny said.

Miguel looked at Robby. “No, we're not friends.”

“We never will be.” Robby said.

Miguel and Robby took one last look at each other before going their separate ways.

At the LaRusso family’s mansion, Chozen was clutching a pillow and watching 90 Day Fiancé.

The woman on the TV screen rejected a marriage proposal.

Chozen was on the verge of tears. “Never give up.”

Daniel and Amanda walked into the mansion.

“Amanda, that is not what happened.” Daniel said.

Chozen got off the couch and turned the TV off.

“Regardless, now I've lost any shot of joining that charity, much less the board.” Amanda said.

“That's Silver's fault. He was messing with me the whole time.” Daniel said.

“And you let him. You knew how important this was, and yet, you could not put this stupid rivalry aside for one day. I'm afraid we're never going to have normalcy again. Not when you continue to stir up ridiculous fights.” Amanda said.

“Fight at furniture store my fault, not his. Please, blame me.” Chozen said.

Daniel gave Chozen a stern look.

“You had a fight at a furniture store?” Amanda asked Daniel.

Chozen gave Daniel an apologetic look.

“Enough is enough. Daniel, this ends now.” Amanda told Daniel.

“This is exactly what Silver wanted to happen. He manipulated this whole thing to get us to fight.” Daniel said.

“Do you hear yourself? The reason we're fighting is because you can't let things go. You promised things would be different.” Amanda said.

“You don't understand what this man is capable of. He won't stop until he has ruined every aspect of my life. That's why I have to take him down.” Daniel said.

“You really won't stop?” Amanda asked.

“Let me and Chozen handle this. It's the only way to make it end.” Daniel said.

“Fine. Handle it. I won't be here for it.” Amanda said.

Amanda started to walk away.

Daniel looked upset. “Where are you going?”

Amanda turned around. “Away from here. Away from you! I just need space. I'm taking the kids with me.”

#fanfiction

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demons-in-disguise · 7 years

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#you are beautiful #Sarah kay #phil kaye #poetry #Books #inspo #inspiring quotes #when love arrives

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welllpthisishappening · 4 years

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Welllp This is...Books. Lots and Lots of Books

That gif is something of a lie. Some of these books were not great. But! Some of them were very good! And some of them were marketed weird — seriously, what does qualify as YA — and some of them I read in, like, six hours and some of them I raged about for six hours after I finished them.

Or: 2020!Laura reverted to 2004!Laura and read just a lot of books and then her husband got her a Kindle and she read even more books and has thoughts on most of those books that she is now going to share with the internet while also making absurd category names. Note that these are only books I read for the first time this year. So, the list is missing some of the stuff I used as coping devices. ALSO SOME SPOILERS AHEAD, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

FAVORITE BOOKS THAT MADE A SHITTY YEAR SLIGHTLY BETTER AND ALSO LIKELY MADE ME SWOON A BIT

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

When nineteen-year-old huntress Feyre kills a wolf in the woods, a terrifying creature arrives to demand retribution. Dragged to a treacherous magical land she knows about only from legends, Feyre discovers that her captor is not truly a beast, but one of the lethal, immortal faeries who once ruled her world.

At least, he's not a beast all the time.

As she adapts to her new home, her feelings for the faerie, Tamlin, transform from icy hostility into a fiery passion that burns through every lie she's been told about the beautiful, dangerous world of the Fae. But something is not right in the faerie lands. An ancient, wicked shadow is growing, and Feyre must find a way to stop it, or doom Tamlin-and his world-forever.

— I kid you not, I had to do a lap around the apartment after reading the second book in this series. Why didn’t I read this before? Why isn’t there more fic? Why I am constantly falling for dark-haired sad dudes in love with their wives??? I cannot rec this series enough. It’s got world building and found families, and that dark-haired sad dude, and magic and lore and banter, and it’s so good and I don’t understand why it was marketed as YA. The literary world is weird, guys.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians (and the Heroes of Olympus) by Rick Riordan

Accompany the son of the sea god Poseidon and his other demigod friends as they go on a series of quests that will have them facing monsters, gods, and conniving figures from Greek mythology. Do they have what it takes to save the Olympians from an ancient enemy?

— Straight up, how did you guys cope with Percy and Annabeth when you were kids reading this? I would have been OBSESSED. Quarantine felt like the perfect time to finally read all of these books, and I know it’s sacrilegious to like Heroes of Olympus, but I might have liked parts of that series more? Just because it felt like they were older and I was super into Percabeth being properly in love. Also, now I get why everyone was so upset about the movies. Fair.

The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer

Humans and androids crowd the raucous streets of New Beijing. A deadly plague ravages the population. From space, a ruthless lunar people watch, waiting to make their move. No one knows that Earth's fate hinges on one girl. . . .Cinder, a gifted mechanic, is a cyborg. She's a second-class citizen with a mysterious past, reviled by her stepmother and blamed for her stepsister's illness. But when her life becomes intertwined with the handsome Prince Kai's, she suddenly finds herself at the center of an intergalactic struggle, and a forbidden attraction. Caught between duty and freedom, loyalty and betrayal, she must uncover secrets about her past in order to protect her world's future.

— Yet another YA series that I will admit to loving this year. Started off a little slow, but once the world building really got underway —and it gets underway — I was hooked. If I had read this at an age-appropriate time I would have been super in love Captain Carswell Thorne. I was still kind of in love with Captan Carswell Thorne. So it should come as no surprise that Cress was my favorite of the series, but I enjoyed the whole thing, really.

Serpent & Dove by Shelby Mahurin

Two years ago, Louise le Blanc fled her coven and took shelter in the city of Cesarine, forsaking all magic and living off whatever she could steal. There, witches like Lou are hunted. They are feared. And they are burned.As a huntsman of the Church, Reid Diggory has lived his life by one principle: Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. But when Lou pulls a wicked stunt, the two are forced into an impossible situation—marriage.Lou, unable to ignore her growing feelings, yet powerless to change what she is, must make a choice. And love makes fools of us all.

— YO. Y O. THIS WAS SO GOOD. World building! Magic! Marriage of convenience! Well-written enemies to lovers! As soon as I finished this, I bought the sequel. And then got upset the third book in the series isn’t out yet! That’s a frustrating theme for me this year.

The Roommate by Rosie Danan

The Wheatons are infamous among the east coast elite for their lack of impulse control, except for their daughter Clara. She's the consummate socialite: over-achieving, well-mannered, predictable. But every Wheaton has their weakness. When Clara's childhood crush invites her to move cross-country, the offer is too much to resist. Unfortunately, it's also too good to be true.

After a bait-and-switch, Clara finds herself sharing a lease with a charming stranger. Josh might be a bit too perceptive—not to mention handsome—for comfort, but there's a good chance he and Clara could have survived sharing a summer sublet if she hadn't looked him up on the Internet...

Once she learns how Josh has made a name for himself, Clara realizes living with him might make her the Wheaton's most scandalous story yet. His professional prowess inspires her to take tackling the stigma against female desire into her own hands. They may not agree on much, but Josh and Clara both believe women deserve better sex. What they decide to do about it will change both of their lives, and if they're lucky, they'll help everyone else get lucky too.

— I LOVED IT. L O V E D. As I told Justin “there was more porn than I was expecting,” in that porn and the adult film industry was a legitimate plot point and not just a part of Josh’s character, but it was incredibly well written and interesting and I cared about the plot. Sometimes I also wanted to shake Clara, but that was kind of the point.

The Marriage Game by Sara Desai

After her life falls apart, recruitment consultant Layla Patel returns home to her family in San Francisco. But in the eyes of her father, who runs a Michelin starred restaurant, she can do no wrong. He would do anything to see her smile again. With the best intentions in mind, he offers her the office upstairs to start her new business and creates a profile on an online dating site to find her a man. She doesn't know he's arranged a series of blind dates until the first one comes knocking on her door...

As CEO of a corporate downsizing company Sam Mehta is more used to conflict than calm. In search of a quiet new office, he finds the perfect space above a cozy Indian restaurant that smells like home. But when communication goes awry, he's forced to share his space with the owner's beautiful yet infuriating daughter Layla, her crazy family, and a parade of hopeful suitors, all of whom threaten to disrupt his carefully ordered life.

As they face off in close quarters, the sarcasm and sparks fly. But when the battle for the office becomes a battle of the heart, Sam and Layla have to decide if this is love or just a game.

— More well-written enemies to lovers! It’s possible! Seriously, the banter was so good. The kissing was even better. Ridiculous and interfering family is one of my favorite things, and this had it in SPADES. It also made me want to eat samosas, which is kind of my base setting, but I really wanted Indian food whenever I was reading this. Also, the end scene was so goddamn cute I cannot believe it actually happened.

Recipe for Persuasion by Sonali Dev

— The one that got away is one of my favorite tropes, and this modern version of Persuasion did it so well. Everyone was annoying, but in an almost understandable way that made me ache and I just wanted them TO KISS. And then they did kiss! And it was so good! Plus, at the risk of being a little self-indulgent, it was kind of Out of the Frying Pan esque and I liked that a lot. If there is a downside: it’s how quickly the relationship starts up again, like zero to 60 in two seconds flat, and that there were a lot of POVs. Which wouldn’t have been an issue if they’d been labeled, or weren’t bouncing around the timeline randomly. Sometimes I’d have to be like—wait, who’s talking about what?

Chef Ashna Raje desperately needs a new strategy. How else can she save her beloved restaurant and prove to her estranged, overachieving mother that she isn't a complete screw up? When she's asked to join the cast of Cooking with the Stars, the latest hit reality show teaming chefs with celebrities, it seems like just the leap of faith she needs to put her restaurant back on the map. She's a chef, what's the worst that could happen?Rico Silva, that's what.Being paired with a celebrity who was her first love, the man who ghosted her at the worst possible time in her life, only proves what Ashna has always believed: leaps of faith are a recipe for disaster.FIFA winning soccer star Rico Silva isn't too happy to be paired up with Ashna either. Losing Ashna years ago almost destroyed him. The only silver lining to this bizarre situation is that he can finally prove to Ashna that he's definitely over her.But when their catastrophic first meeting goes viral, social media becomes obsessed with their chemistry. The competition on the show is fierce...and so is the simmering desire between Ashna and Rico. Every minute they spend together rekindles feelings that pull them toward their disastrous past. Will letting go again be another recipe for heartbreak—or a recipe for persuasion...?

The Good Luck Charm by Helena Hunting

Lilah isn't sure what hurt worse: the day Ethan left her to focus on his hockey career or the day he came back eight years later. He might think they can pick up just where they left off, but she's no longer that same girl and never wants to be again.

Just when Lilah might finally be ready to let Ethan in, though, she finds out their reunion might have nothing to do with love and everything to do with improving his game. But Ethan's already lost her once, and even if it costs him his career, he'll do anything to keep from losing her again.

— HOCKEY ROM COM. HOCKEY. ROM. COM. Apparently this lady is regarded as the queen of “hockey romance,” which I kind of take offense to, but will give a pass on because this was a very cute book and everyone was cute in it and I was only marginally frustrated by those same people being idiots. As is required by rom coms. Hockey, or otherwise.

A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer

Fall in love, break the curse. It once seemed so easy to Prince Rhen, the heir to Emberfall. Cursed by a powerful enchantress to repeat the autumn of his eighteenth year over and over, he knew he could be saved if a girl fell for him. But that was before he learned that at the end of each autumn, he would turn into a vicious beast hell-bent on destruction. That was before he destroyed his castle, his family, and every last shred of hope.

Nothing has ever been easy for Harper. With her father long gone, her mother dying, and her brother barely holding their family together while constantly underestimating her because of her cerebral palsy, she learned to be tough enough to survive. But when she tries to save someone else on the streets of Washington, DC, she's instead somehow sucked into Rhen's cursed world.

Break the curse, save the kingdom. A prince? A monster? A curse? Harper doesn't know where she is or what to believe. But as she spends time with Rhen in this enchanted land, she begins to understand what's at stake. And as Rhen realizes Harper is not just another girl to charm, his hope comes flooding back. But powerful forces are standing against Emberfall . . . and it will take more than a broken curse to save Harper, Rhen, and his people from utter ruin.

— Beauty and the Beast AU!!! Fantasy! Magic! Romance! I loved this, even when Rhen was being a whiny idiot. But he was also cursed, so like—fair. This dives into the politics of a cursed kingdom, puts a fun spin on the original fairy tale and also has a sequel. Which I read, and possibly enjoyed more. Only to realize the third book isn’t published yet, and then got annoyed by that.

QUESTIONABLY-GOOD FREE FANTASY BOOKS ON AMAZON

The Silver and Orchids Collection by Shari L Tapscott

What happens when a feisty adventuress, a lord looking to make his own way in the world, and a handsome sea captain set out to find Kalae’s rarest and most valuable flower?

Trouble—and lots of it.

— Snarky flirting! Adventure! Sword fights! Listen, this is not prize-winning fiction, but Lucia is a fun heroine, the rest of her adventure-seeking friends are an absolute delight and you don’t have to think too much while reading it. All four books wrap up their individual storylines, but help set up the next one and while the ending felt a little forced (and way too quick) I didn’t hate it enough to throw the Kindle across the room.

Forest of Firelight by Shari L. Tapscsott

After the sudden death of her brother, Princess Amalia is charged with what feels like an impossible task—she must choose the next king. Youthful thoughts of love are pushed aside as she accepts her fate, setting upon a quest throughout the kingdom to find a man worthy of her father’s throne.

Little does Amalia know, someone has already set his sights on her.

Rhys is a man of secrets, and his mission is simple: befriend the princess of Renove. Coax her to trust him, convince her to follow him.

Betray her when it’s time.

All goes according to plan until Rhys meets the princess. Amalia is a disaster. Never has he met someone so drawn to trouble. Never has he met someone so irritatingly likable.

He’s not allowed to fall for her.

She could never entrust him with a crown.

But, unbeknownst to them, their unlikely partnership might be the key to saving their entire world from a darkness that’s slowly creeping from the wounded earth that separates one kingdom from the next.

— FORBIDDEN LOVE! It’s good! Real good! I read this whole series (or the three books in it, so far) in a questionably short amount of time. Again, not the deepest story, and Amalia is occasionally frustratingly dumb. While Rhys is also sort of all-knowing in that fantasy hero sort of way? Y’know what I mean? Still, they banter very well, and eventually kiss even better.

LESS GOOD FANTASY BOOKS THAT PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE JUST BEEN AVAILABLE FOR FREE ON AMAZON

Ash Princess by Laura Sebastian

Theodosia was six when her country was invaded and her mother, the Fire Queen, was murdered before her eyes. On that day, the Kaiser took Theodosia's family, her land, and her name. Theo was crowned Ash Princess—a title of shame to bear in her new life as a prisoner.

For ten years Theo has been a captive in her own palace. She's endured the relentless abuse and ridicule of the Kaiser and his court. She is powerless, surviving in her new world only by burying the girl she was deep inside.

Then, one night, the Kaiser forces her to do the unthinkable. With blood on her hands and all hope of reclaiming her throne lost, she realizes that surviving is no longer enough. But she does have a weapon: her mind is sharper than any sword. And power isn't always won on the battlefield.

For ten years, the Ash Princess has seen her land pillaged and her people enslaved. That all ends here.

— I wanted to love this series. So much so that I read the whole thing. All three books. And I’m still not sure why. The world building, maybe. Which was very good, and the politics actually kept me interested, but every single character was the absolute worst and I kind of wanted them all to die. That’s not even an exaggeration. Spoiler, they didn’t all die. I was only marginally disappointed.

Daughter of the Pirate King by Tricia Levenseller

When the ruthless Pirate King learns of a legendary treasure map hidden on an enemy ship, his daughter, Alosa, knows that there's only one pirate for the job—herself. Leaving behind her beloved ship and crew, Alosa deliberately facilitates her own kidnapping to ensure her passage on the enemy ship. After all, who's going to suspect a seventeen-year-old girl locked in a cell?Then she meets the (surprisingly perceptive and unfairly attractive) first mate, Riden, who is charged with finding out all her secrets. Now it's down to a battle of wits and will... Can Alosa find the map and escape before Riden figures out her plan?

— Alosa was kind of the worst? Like, STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER who had to keep reminding you how strong she was because she would kill anyone, and had an all female pirate crew. And the whole time I was just like, ok...cool. Still, I read the sequel too and that was slightly better.

The Shadows Between Us by Tricia Levenseller

Alessandra is tired of being overlooked, but she has a plan to gain power:

1) Woo the Shadow King.

2) Marry him.

3) Kill him and take his kingdom for herself.

No one knows the extent of the freshly crowned Shadow King's power. Some say he can command the shadows that swirl around him to do his bidding. Others say they speak to him, whispering the thoughts of his enemies. Regardless, Alessandra knows what she deserves, and she's going to do everything within her power to get it.

But Alessandra's not the only one trying to kill the king. As attempts on his life are made, she finds herself trying to keep him alive long enough for him to make her his queen—all while struggling not to lose her heart. After all, who better for a Shadow King than a cunning, villainous queen?

— I cannot explain this book any way except to tell you it is so weird. Like, sometimes I remember I read this and all I can think is: why did this book happen? It felt like it started in the middle of the story, which is not a knock on the story itself, but mostly on the world building. Which was lacking to say the least. Also the resolution was super rushed and even more weird and I was like—why does he like her??? I still don’t know, honestly.

The Stars We Steal by Alexa Donne

Engagement season is in the air. Eighteen-year-old Princess Leonie "Leo" Kolburg, heir to a faded European spaceship, has only one thing on her mind: which lucky bachelor can save her family from financial ruin?

But when Leo's childhood friend and first love, Elliot, returns as the captain of a successful whiskey ship, everything changes. Elliot was the one who got away, the boy Leo's family deemed to be unsuitable for marriage. Now he's the biggest catch of the season and he seems determined to make Leo's life miserable. But old habits die hard, and as Leo navigates the glittering balls of the Valg Season, she finds herself falling for her first love in a game of love, lies, and past regrets.

— Another book whose lack of world building hurt it. Stuff just happened, and we were expected to understand it and be into it and I was neither. I had no reason to care about anyone in this book, especially Elliot who seemed like an asshole.

To Kill a Kingdom by Alexandra Christo

Princess Lira is siren royalty and the most lethal of them all. With the hearts of seventeen princes in her collection, she is revered across the sea. Until a twist of fate forces her to kill one of her own. To punish her daughter, the Sea Queen transforms Lira into the one thing they loathe most—a human. Robbed of her song, Lira has until the winter solstice to deliver Prince Elian's heart to the Sea Queen and or remain a human forever.The ocean is the only place Prince Elian calls home, even though he is heir to the most powerful kingdom in the world. Hunting sirens is more than an unsavory hobby—it's his calling. When he rescues a drowning woman in the ocean, she's more than what she appears. She promises to help him find the key to destroying all of sirenkind for good—But can he trust her? And just how many deals will Elian have to barter to eliminate mankind's greatest enemy?

— This book did not go the way I thought it was going to. Not a bad thing, but also not the best and the ending was...bleh. The middle, though? That was legit, and the action was good. I am always a fan of sword fights. Still, there was something that left me waiting for the final push towards great and it just never really came.

ROM-COMS WITH ONLY PASSABLY FRUSTRATING PLOTS AND GOOD KISSING

Party of Two by Jasmine Guillory

Dating is the last thing on Olivia Monroe's mind when she moves to LA to start her own law firm. But when she meets a gorgeous man at a hotel bar and they spend the entire night flirting, she discovers too late that he is none other than hotshot junior senator Max Powell. Olivia has zero interest in dating a politician, but when a cake arrives at her office with the cutest message, she can't resist—it is chocolate cake, after all.

Olivia is surprised to find that Max is sweet, funny, and noble—not just some privileged white politician, as she assumed him to be. Because of Max's high-profile job, they start seeing each other secretly, which leads to clandestine dates and silly disguises. But when they finally go public, the intense media scrutiny means people are now digging up her rocky past and criticizing her job, even her suitability as a trophy girlfriend. Olivia knows what she has with Max is something special, but is it strong enough to survive the heat of the spotlight?

— It was cute. Max was occasionally an idiot. The kissing was legit. Most of their problems could have very easily been solved, but that’s kind of this genre’s schtick.

The Worst Best Man by Mia Sosa

A wedding planner left at the altar? Yeah, the irony isn't lost on Carolina Santos, either. But despite that embarrassing blip from her past, Lina's offered an opportunity that could change her life. There's just one hitch... she has to collaborate with the best (make that worst) man from her own failed nuptials. Marketing expert Max Hartley is determined to make his mark with a coveted hotel client looking to expand its brand. Then he learns he'll be working with his brother's whip-smart, stunning—absolutely off-limits—ex-fiancée. And she loathes him.If they can nail their presentation without killing each other, they'll both come out ahead. Except Max has been public enemy number one ever since he encouraged his brother to jilt the bride, and Lina's ready to dish out a little payback of her own.Soon Lina and Max discover animosity may not be the only emotion creating sparks between them. Still, this star-crossed couple can never be more than temporary playmates because Lina isn't interested in falling in love and Max refuses to play runner-up to his brother ever again...

— Once you got past the hooking up with your ex’s brother thing, it was cute. Max was endearing in an earnest sort of way, even when Lina was STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER in a cliche sort of way. More solid kissing. Side note, why are so many rom com dudes named Max? Does it sound hip? Passably cool, but also approachable? Discuss.

Not that Kind of Guy by Andie J. Christopher

State attorney Bridget Nolan is successful in all aspects of her life—except romance. After breaking up with her longtime boyfriend, she's been slow to reenter the dating scene. To be honest, she has more important things to do like putting bad guys behind bars. But with her brother's wedding right around the corner, she suddenly needs a date and fast. Lucky for Bridget, the legal intern is almost done with his program.

Matt Kido is dumbstruck by Bridget—total love at first sight—but there's one problem. She's totally off-limits while she's his boss. But the moment he no longer reports to her, Matt asks her on a date. An impulsive decision takes them to Las Vegas where, as the saying goes, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Unless you put a ring on it.

— Having written the “wake up in Vegas married” trope before, I know it’s difficult to do right. Consent’s a thing, y’know? And stuff gets dicy with forgotten memories, and all that, but mostly what kept me from truly loving this book was the intern thing. Don’t date your interns guys, it’s weird and off-putting. Literally if he’d just been a junior partner, or a visiting partner or something else I would have been all in.

Meet Cute by Helena Hunting

Kailyn Flowers was always calm, rational, and controlled—until she ended up sprawled all over Daxton Hughes, the former actor she totally crushed on as a teenager. Then she did the unthinkable: She became a mortifying fangirl in five seconds flat, which may or may not have included professing her undying love. And oddly, he didn't run away. In fact, their meet cute led to a friendship she never saw coming. Of course, she never saw his betrayal coming, either...Now Dax needs her help. As guardian to his thirteen-year-old sister, he's in way over his head. And though Kailyn hasn't forgiven Dax, she isn't heartless enough to make him fend for himself, either. Soon their friendly meetings turn into flirty dinner dates, and Kailyn can feel their chemistry is as explosive as ever. But how can she possibly let down her guard again to a guy who has heartbreak written all over him?

— Once again here for the one that got away trope, even if this comes with dead parents and some sad storylines. It still managed to be cute. Everyone was cute in it. Occasionally Daxton was a dick. As rom com male leads are apt to be.

If I Never Met You by Mhairi McFarlane

If faking love is this easy... how do you know when it's real?When her partner of over a decade suddenly ends things, Laurie is left reeling—not only because they work at the same law firm and she has to see him every day. Her once perfect life is in shambles and the thought of dating again in the age of Tinder is nothing short of horrifying. When news of her ex's pregnant girlfriend hits the office grapevine, taking the humiliation lying down is not an option. Then a chance encounter in a broken-down elevator with the office playboy opens up a new possibility.Jamie Carter doesn't believe in love, but he needs a respectable, steady girlfriend to impress their bosses. Laurie wants a hot new man to give the rumor mill something else to talk about. It's the perfect proposition: a fauxmance played out on social media, with strategically staged photographs and a specific end date in mind. With the plan hatched, Laurie and Jamie begin to flaunt their new couple status, to the astonishment—and jealousy—of their friends and colleagues. But there's a fine line between pretending to be in love and actually falling for your charming, handsome fake boyfriend...

— FAKE DATING THAT LEADS TO REAL FEELINGS. The ex-boyfriend was an assssss, the fake boyfriend was charming, everything was good AND THEN WE GOT TO THE END. Which felt more than a little rushed, unexpected and not really in line with the rest of the book?? Give ‘em a slightly better, in-character ending, and I would have been sold.

BOOKS THAT I WAS LIKE...EH, OK

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. Within the black-and-white striped canvas tents is an utterly unique experience full of breathtaking amazements. It is called Le Cirque des Rêves, and it is only open at night.

But behind the scenes, a fierce competition is underway: a duel between two young magicians, Celia and Marco, who have been trained since childhood expressly for this purpose by their mercurial instructors. Unbeknownst to them both, this is a game in which only one can be left standing. Despite the high stakes, Celia and Marco soon tumble headfirst into love, setting off a domino effect of dangerous consequences, and leaving the lives of everyone, from the performers to the patrons, hanging in the balance.

— I think this book was too smart for me. The prose was gorgeous, and the whole thing was very pretty and I definitely swooned when Marco said he wished for Celia. And yet. By the end I was like...eh, ok. Maybe it was the timeline? Jumping around, or how little dialogue there was. I wanted to like it all so badly, and I’m just not sure I did.

Acting on Impulse by Mia Sosa

After a very public breakup with a media-hungry politician, fitness trainer Tori Alvarez escapes to Aruba for rest, relaxation, and copious amounts of sex on the beach—the cocktail, that is. She vows to keep her vacation a man-free zone but when a cute guy is seated next to her on the plane, Tori can't resist a little harmless flirting.Hollywood heartthrob Carter Stone underwent a dramatic physical transformation for his latest role and it's clear his stunning seat mate doesn't recognize the man beneath the shaggy beard and extra lean frame. Now Carter needs help rebuilding his buff physique and Tori is perfect for the job. It doesn't hurt that she makes his pulse pound in more ways than one.Sparks are flying, until a pesky paparazzo reveals Carter's identity. Tori is hurt and pissed. She wants nothing to do with another man in the limelight, but she's still got to whip him into shape. Can Carter convince Tori he's worth the threat to her privacy that comes with dating a famous actor, or will Tori chisel him down to nothing before he even gets the chance?

— Dudes have gotta stop lying about who they are. It’s not a great trope. Other than that, the kissing was good. The romance was like...eh. I honestly don’t remember much else.

Twice in a Blue Moon by Christina Lauren

During a whirlwind two-week vacation abroad, Sam and Tate fell for each other in only the way that first loves do: sharing all of their hopes, dreams, and deepest secrets along the way. Sam was the first, and only, person that Tate—the long-lost daughter of one of the world's biggest film stars—ever revealed her identity to. So when it became clear her trust was misplaced, her world shattered for good.

Fourteen years later, Tate, now an up-and-coming actress, only thinks about her first love every once in a blue moon. When she steps onto the set of her first big break, he's the last person she expects to see. Yet here Sam is, the same charming, confident man she knew, but even more alluring than she remembered. Forced to confront the man who betrayed her, Tate must ask herself if it's possible to do the wrong thing for the right reason... and whether "once in a lifetime" can come around twice.

— This book was...weird. The early romance was wonderful and delightful, but then shit hit the fan and Sam and Tate are adults and...weird. Like, I cannot come up with another word for it. Also, they didn’t really talk much? As adults? Working on the same movie set? W e i r d.

I Owe You One by Sophie Kinsella

Fixie Farr has always lived by her father’s motto: “Family first.” And since her dad passed away, leaving his charming housewares store in the hands of his wife and children, Fixie spends all her time picking up the slack from her siblings instead of striking out on her own. The way Fixie sees it, if she doesn’t take care of her father’s legacy, who will?

It’s simply not in Fixie’s nature to say no to people. So when a handsome stranger in a coffee shop asks her to watch his laptop for a moment, she not only agrees—she ends up saving it from certain disaster. To thank Fixie for her quick thinking, the computer’s owner, Sebastian, an investment manager, scribbles an IOU on a coffee sleeve and attaches his business card. Fixie laughs it off—she’d never actually claim an IOU from a stranger. Would she?

But then Fixie’s childhood crush, Ryan, comes back into her life, and his lack of a profession pushes all of Fixie’s buttons. As always, she wants nothing for herself—but she’d love Seb to give Ryan a job. No sooner has Seb agreed than the tables are turned once more and a new series of IOUs between Seb and Fixie—from small favors to life-changing moments—ensues. Soon Fixie, Ms. Fixit for everyone else, is torn between her family and the life she really wants. Does she have the courage to take a stand? Will she finally grab the life, and love, she really wants?

— Let’s be upfront, I’ve read a lot of Sophie Kinsella in my life, and more often than not I enjoy what she writes. I mostly did here. It was a book. With obvious rom com problems, that could have very easily been solved, but it wasn’t horrible. So, that was good, I guess.

The Wedding Party by Jasmine Guillory

Maddie and Theo have two things in common:

1. Alexa is their best friend

2. They hate each other

After an "oops, we made a mistake" night together, neither one can stop thinking about the other. With Alexa's wedding rapidly approaching, Maddie and Theo both share bridal party responsibilities that require more interaction with each other than they're comfortable with. Underneath the sharp barbs they toss at each other is a simmering attraction that won't fade. It builds until they find themselves sneaking off together to release some tension when Alexa isn't looking, agreeing they would end it once the wedding is over. When it's suddenly pushed up and they only have a few months left of secret rendezvouses, they find themselves regretting that the end is near. Two people this different can't possibly have a connection other than the purely physical, right?

But as with any engagement with a nemesis, there are unspoken rules that must be abided by. First and foremost, don't fall in love.

— Eh, this book happened. I still have no idea why they couldn’t be together from the get. Obstacles for the sake of plot, I guess. Also political side stories? I don’t know, guys.

WEIRD POST-ENDING FEELINGS WERE INDUCED

Beach Read by Emily Henry

Augustus Everett is an acclaimed author of literary fiction. January Andrews writes bestselling romance. When she pens a happily ever after, he kills off his entire cast.

They're polar opposites.

In fact, the only thing they have in common is that for the next three months, they're living in neighboring beach houses, broke, and bogged down with writer's block.

Until, one hazy evening, one thing leads to another and they strike a deal designed to force them out of their creative ruts: Augustus will spend the summer writing something happy, and January will pen the next Great American Novel. She'll take him on field trips worthy of any rom-com montage, and he'll take her to interview surviving members of a backwoods death cult (obviously). Everyone will finish a book and no one will fall in love. Really.

— Listen, I enjoyed this a lot. For the most part. It was funny, and introspective in a way that didn’t make me want to gag too much, and I wanted to defend January’s love of love with everything in me. But, then it—ended. And it was like...all tied up with this nice little ribbon and happily ever after, and I was like...oh, ok. Part of me that it was glad it ended like that, mostly because of who I am as a person, but the rest of me was also confused that after everything January and Augustus had been through and how messy their lives were it could just get all wrapped up in this HEA.

HITTING JUST A BIT TOO CLOSE TO HOME

Spoiler Alert by Olivia Dade

Marcus Caster-Rupp has a secret. The world may know him as Aeneas, star of the biggest show on television, but fanfiction readers call him something else: Book!AeneasWouldNever. Marcus gets out his frustrations with the show through anonymous stories about the internet's favorite couple, Aeneas and Lavinia. But if anyone discovered his online persona, he'd be finished in Hollywood.April Whittier has secrets of her own. A hardcore Lavinia fan, she's long hidden her fanfic and cosplay hobbies from her "real life"—but not anymore. When she dares to post her latest costume creation on Twitter, her plus-size take goes viral. And when Marcus asks her out to spite her internet critics, truth officially becomes stranger than fanfiction. On their date, Marcus quickly realizes he wants more from April than a one-time publicity stunt. But when he discovers she's Unapologetic Lavinia Stan, his closest fandom friend, he has one more huge secret to keep from her.With love and Marcus's career on the line, can the two of them stop hiding once and for all, or will a match made in fandom end up prematurely cancelled?

— Here for plus-size heroines who get the guy and don’t have their (entire) storyline defined by their looks. Less here for the weird fandom culture, the ensuing second-hand embarrassment that came from that and the thankfulness that both Colin O’Donoghue and Bob Morley appear to be happily married so it seems very unlikely they’re writing fic about their characters under pseudonyms. Stop using Ao3 in actual published stories 2k4ever.

RAGE-INDUCING BOOKS OF ABSOLUTE FURY

The Friend Zone by Abby Jimenez

Kristen Peterson doesn't do drama, will fight to the death for her friends, and has no room in her life for guys who just don't get her. She's also keeping a big secret: facing a medically necessary procedure that will make it impossible for her to have children.Planning her best friend's wedding is bittersweet for Kristen — especially when she meets the best man, Josh Copeland. He's funny, sexy, never offended by her mile-wide streak of sarcasm, and always one chicken enchilada ahead of her hangry. Even her dog, Stuntman Mike, adores him. The only catch: Josh wants a big family someday. Kristen knows he'd be better off with someone else, but as their attraction grows, it's harder and harder to keep him at arm's length.The Friend Zone will have you laughing one moment and grabbing for tissues the next as it tackles the realities of infertility and loss with wit, heart, and a lot of sass.

— LISTEN THERE ARE SPOILERS HERE, BUT I FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THEM BECAUSE THIS BOOK IS A SECRET GUT PUNCH AND PEOPLE SHOULD BE AWARE. Not only is infertility, like, the defining theme of this book, but the BEST FRIEND DIES. Just—dies. It’s horrible. Absolutely God awful depressing. And for a second he looks like he won’t, and it’ll be fine, but then it is not and he’s just D E A D. I know, I know that sets up the sequel, but this was so goddamn heavy in an unsuspecting way that I have absolutely no intention of reading the next one.

Well Met by Jen DeLuca

Emily knew there would be strings attached when she relocated to the small town of Willow Creek, Maryland, for the summer to help her sister recover from an accident, but who could anticipate getting roped into volunteering for the local Renaissance Faire alongside her teenaged niece? Or that the irritating and inscrutable schoolteacher in charge of the volunteers would be so annoying that she finds it impossible to stop thinking about him?

The faire is Simon's family legacy and from the start he makes clear he doesn't have time for Emily's lighthearted approach to life, her oddball Shakespeare conspiracy theories, or her endless suggestions for new acts to shake things up. Yet on the faire grounds he becomes a different person, flirting freely with Emily when she's in her revealing wench's costume. But is this attraction real, or just part of the characters they're portraying?

This summer was only ever supposed to be a pit stop on the way to somewhere else for Emily, but soon she can't seem to shake the fantasy of establishing something more with Simon or a permanent home of her own in Willow Creek.

— FUCK THIS BOOK. And fuck Simon, specifically. Oh, you have a sad story? Cool, you’re still a dick. He was a dick. Listen, I know enemies to lovers is a hard trope to write, but it’s even harder to accept when those enemies just announce I LIKED YOU THE WHOLE TIME and then everyone starts ripping off their clothes. No, it’s dumb. I hate it. Apparently there’s a sequel to this book. Maybe that’s better.

Kiss My Cupcake by Helena Hunting

Blaire Calloway has planned every Instagram-worthy moment of her cupcake and cocktails shop launch down to the tiniest detail. What she didn't plan on? Ronan Knight and his old-school sports bar next door opening on the very same day. He may be super swoony, but Blaire hasn't spent years obsessing over buttercream and bourbon to have him ruin her chance at success.From axe throwing (his place) to frosting contests (hers), Blaire and Ronan are constantly trying to one-up each other in a battle to win new customers. But with every clash, there's also an undeniable chemistry. When an even bigger threat to their business comes to town, they're forced to call a temporary time-out on their own war and work together. And the more time Blaire spends getting to know the real Ronan, the more she wonders if it's possible to have her cupcake and eat it too.

— Listen, I wanted to like this one. There were plenty other Helena Hunting books on this list, so like—I don’t hate her. I just hate poorly executed enemies to lovers plot lines. Give me at least one moment where they are interested in each other aside from just being attracted to each other. Also: Stop Having Dudes Be Dicks Because Of Their Sad Backstory 2k4ever.

Don’t You Forget About Me by Mhairi McFarlane

You always remember your first love... don't you?If there's anything worse than being fired from the worst restaurant in town, it's coming home early to find your boyfriend in bed with someone else. Reeling from the humiliation of a double dumping in one day, Georgina takes the next job that comes her way—bartender in a newly opened pub. There's only one problem: it's run by the guy she fell in love with years ago. And—make that two problems—he doesn't remember her. At all. But she has fabulous friends and her signature hot pink fur coat... what more could a girl really need?Lucas McCarthy has not only grown into a broodingly handsome man, but he's also turned into an actual grown-up, with a thriving business and a dog along the way. Crossing paths with him again throws Georgina's rocky present into sharp relief—and brings a secret from her past bubbling to the surface. Only she knows what happened twelve years ago, and why she's allowed the memories to chase her ever since. But maybe it's not too late for the truth... or a second chance with the one that got away?

— HE WAS JUST PRETENDING NOT TO REMEMBER HER THE WHOLE TIME???? WHAT?? WHY??? D U M B. Dumb boys are dumb.

Not the Girl You Marry by Andie J. Christopher

Jack Nolan is a gentleman, a journalist, and unlucky in love. His viral success has pigeon-holed him as the how-to guy for a buzzy, internet media company instead of covering hard-hitting politics. Fed up with his fluffy articles and the app-based dating scene as well, he strikes a deal with his boss to write a final piece de resistance: How to Lose a Girl. Easier said than done when the girl he meets is Hannah Mayfield, and he's not sure he wants her to dump him.

Hannah is an extremely successful event planner who's focused on climbing the career ladder. Her firm is one of the most prestigious in the city, and she's determined to secure her next promotion. But Hannah has a bit of an image problem. She needs to show her boss that she has range, including planning dreaded, romantic weddings. Enter Jack. He's the perfect man to date for a couple weeks to prove to her boss that she's not scared of feelings.

Before Jack and Hannah know it, their fake relationship starts to feel all too real—and neither of them can stand to lose each other.

— This is actually the prequel to Not That Kind of Guy and I honestly can’t believe I read that after hating this book so much. They were awful to each other! Their whole relationship was based on lies! Mean lies! Horrible lies! Don’t lie to your significant other!

#book recs #fiction recs #rom com recs #fantasy recs #or: i read solely fantasy and rom com books in 2020 #this does not include any david eddings or meg cabot rereads #which also happened #and i endorse them wholeheartedly too #if you have read any of these books PLEASE share your thoughts with me #i am desperate for them #or your own recs of what you read this year #laura reads books #welllp these are books

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daazurebanana · 5 years

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“It is so hard to be a normal person when one is not a normal person.”

Helping Mental Disorders

When I was a senior in high school, I went on a field trip with my English class to Salt Lake City to see a Sundance film. The movie, “Notes on Blindness”, was a true story about a man named John Hull who had a disease that took his sight when he was in his 30s. I remember being totally in awe of the way the film showed blindness, something I never expected to see or feel. Mental disorders are, in a unique way, a kind of blindness. Living with a mental illness is like living in a different world -- one that cannot be understood or lived in by the meager average human like me. Now, I don’t say that to offend, though offense is bound to be taken by someone on this planet, I will verbally stand my ground from where I sit on my couch. You, try as you might, can never truly empathize with me, and I likewise, cannot completely empathize with you no matter how similar we may be. Thus, really, we are all blind in a way. If this is true of two “normal” people, the divide is especially wide between a normal person and one with mental illness. Nevertheless, I don’t mean to imply by this that mental disorders should be eliminated or dismissed. I don’t think mental disorders should be erased. This is a research argument is it not? I merely wish to draw your attention to the goods and evils of mental disorders, whether someone else’s or your own; focusing on clinical depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, and anxiety as they are found in my family.

Partial Personality Disorder

A long-time loyal social worker for a foster care facility, one probably wouldn’t immediately assume my step-aunt Sarah suffered from Borderline personality disorder (BPD). BPD, also known as an emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD). BPD is a mental disorder similar to bipolar in its propensity to mood swings as a result of abandonment and instability issues in their relationships, make being alone extremely difficult, causing extreme behaviors that tend to drive other people away. It includes symptoms like “self-image issues, difficulty managing emotions and behavior, and a pattern of unstable relationships. The effect BPD has on one’s perception of self and others creates many difficulties in daily life” (Mayo Clinic).

Her development of BPD was in response to the divorce of her parents. Her father and older siblings, while she remained with her mother . As she approached the teenage years, she showed increased symptoms of abandonment issues as is common. She struggled with cutting, became very volatile, suicidal and promiscuous. The symptoms worsened as she got older until eventually, her mother admitted her to the hospital for treatment. As she became an adult, she was able to gain more control of her moods with the help of education in social work and the natural passage of time. Though Sarah does not mention her diagnosis in the memoir, as she describes the everyday niceties of life and the trials, there is a trace of something off-balanced about the way she describes people and memories which could easily be put down to the cancer she was struggling with, or simply exaggeration (Southey, Sarah).

Although Sarah is not a blood-relative, her disorder intrigues me. According to the Mayo clinic’s page about treating BPD, psychotherapy is the best option. With patience and willingness to make changes, patients could eventually learn to live in a self-reliant manner. Perhaps the most valuable lesson from my step-aunt’s memoir is that no matter when or how it happens, success is often possible. This doesn’t mean it is easy. In a rather hard-to-understand article I perused, the authors said that ‘it cannot be denied that people with mental disorders cannot recover completely and (the illness) will even hamper their productivity” (Agustina Barimbing, Maryati). Certainly, in my aunt’s case, for example, success was delayed by her disorder, but it was not stopped. Sure, not everyone can be an astronaut, but satisfaction with self and achievements is possible. This is possible for anyone by finding knowing personal limits and asking for help when needed. This is true of both people both with and without disabilities.

Bipolar

Memories are stretchy and blurry things, pliable to new information and experiences so I can’t give the exact order of the events of the year I turned six, but I do remember moving to Utah, my mom giving birth to twins, and my dad being admitted to the hospital. My aunt and uncle offered to watch my older sister and me, so we packed some clothes and drove for hours before arriving to be baked alive in the suffocating Las Vegas heat for two weeks (the equivalent of 2 months in kid-years). Being six, I couldn’t understand why I was with these people instead of my own family. Every night I’d sit on my bed with my 16-year-old cousin and sob fat tears as I made her show me how many days were left before I could go home.

What I couldn’t comprehend at the time was that my father was admitted to the hospital due to a mental breakdown. It was the beginning of a recession and he had just lost his job, been injured in a car accident, become the father of (now) 6 children, and signed a new mortgage. He was thrown into a situation that would have been too much pressure even for someone without his struggles with a mental disorder. That episode was the first of many I can remember--the latest being last week, when he had a severe anxiety attack and was admitted for a week and a half to a mental institution that confiscated every possible danger, right down to his shoelaces.

My father has severe anxiety and bipolar II, meaning instead of having extreme highs and extreme lows, he experiences what is called ‘hypomania’: an emotional spectrum that has less extreme manic episodes and spends more time in the depression, resembling clinical depression. For a very long time I personally--and I am sure I am not alone--have had the tendency to interpret his reaction to stress as weakness. Reflecting on my six-year-old mindset, the belief that when presented with a trial, it is one’s own responsibility to remain strong and to protect those one loves--not to weigh them down, was incorrect. One of the main roadblocks to helping those with and without mental disorders is a difficulty “with self-care and...informing others of their needs” (Arredondo, Emanuel), and being sensitive to the needs for special support without bias is important. Such prejudices is society can be poisonous because issues that arise can’t be solved because the sufferer does not feel they can openly share their feelings.

In society, vulnerability and sensitivity seem like signs of human weakness; something to be smothered, swallowed and overcome. But that is simply not true. It is true that mental disorders cause problems--to put it mildly. But here is a thought that a friend of mine put to me one day as I was moping around about something: “if it is inevitable, why not be happy about it?” That is not to say that anyone is wrong for being unhappy, but if it is inevitable, why beat ourselves up about it? Depending on the disorder, the reactions in our body that produce the disorder are different. One’s proclivity to having a disorder is not as simple as having one or not having one. In the article “Psychiatric genetics: back to the future," by Carson M. Owen and M. O’Donovan, it is explained that, although there are exceptions, disorders are a result of genes interacting with other genes or genes reacting to the environment. Gene-gene interaction implies that a person has the disorder no matter how the environment interacts with them, whereas gene-environment interaction refers to one developing a disorder as a result of a negative environment. But here’s the thing: both have the potential of disorder either way. Both often become apparent in teenage years to young adulthood when people are faced with a lot of stressful situations and decisions like college, moving away from home, dating, marriage, and starting a career. If stress is the catalyst, how can one a genetic predisposition to avoid a disorder? Although a perfect life is ideal, it is also impossible, as I have shown in the experience of my Aunt Sarah.

So much money and effort is spent on preventing and treating mental disorders, that the concept that mental disorders destroy is drilled into our craniums. But what do they inspire? There is a natural tendency to consider mental illness as something that is a burden. We have a tendency in our lives to see problems and try to fix all of them at once, but what we really need to do is take a breath and figure out what we can and cannot control, and from there press forward. Accepting our weaknesses is not the same thing as being satisfied with them.

Dr. Jamison is a well-renowned psychiatrist who specialized in academic medicine and manic-depressive illness (bipolar). In her autobiography: “An Unquiet Mind”, she shares her research related to bipolar as well as her experience as she undergoes the same intense mood swings as her patients. Kay Jamison helps the blind to see, in a way (or, to continue my earlier comparison, she helps the seeing to be blind.) "An Unquiet Mind" (more than anything else I have ever read) helps a person on the outside looking in to understand the chaotic nature of disorders--meaning chaotic in the sense of "uncontrollable", not necessarily "manic".

She relates having a disorder to the lifestyle of a blind teenager she used to counsel. Having met with him for many months, she felt she understood what it was like to be blind; however, one day she came to see him in class and was shocked to see that the room was totally dark, while he and the rest of the class were sitting quietly listening to a recording. This experience made her realize that she really did not know what is meant to be blind. We cannot fully understand what it is like to live with another's disorder, but Dr. Jamison says that we can love them and just be with them. The diversity of every single human ‘bean’s’ perspective adds spice to the whole of the culture. Our culture is profoundly influenced by the positives of mental illness. Bipolar disorder and depression are linked to creativity and productivity--many poets, writers, actors, singers, and other artists have made significant contributions to society. Take Dostoyevsky and Van Gogh (and my own father who has written 9 novels, a chemistry, and a computer textbook, makes cheese, is a blacksmith, a lapidarist...you get the picture).

As I have said, I don’t think the mental disorder is completely bad, but it does include some inherent and devastating problems. Some of the downsides of bipolar and depression include suicide, psychosis, abuse of others, loss of productivity and meaning, among others. In order to treat, or even better, prevent the negative effects of mental disorders, there are many resources available for both those who struggle with it personally and those who are affected, such as family and friends. Mental disorders make a person turn emotionally inward and become isolated although what they really need is a source to provide energy and emotional support, or in other words, provide energy and hope that life really is worth living. “To supply this demand”, it is “essential in these contexts to build social networks and the provision of social support”(Batistela Vicente, Jéssica).

Mental health issues are best handled by having some sort of structure in place. This structure can be found in multiple places: non-profit support groups for mental illness such as Conflict Prevention and Resolution--Brazil (CPR), National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), or Omotenashi--Family Experiences Learning Program (FELP), organized religion, or extended family and friends. More often than not, a combination of a few is the most successful in creating a constant safety net. Having these resources when “facing difficulties such as time investment; economic dependency, deprivation of the needs of other family members, lack of social activities and reduction of relations with the outside world,” give much-needed stability and prevent feelings of isolation.

Some form of organization especially helps children, as they are often too young to recognize their own need for support. Research has found time and time again that a church community --unpresuming but always available-- is the optimal choice, with mental and emotional disorders, having much lower rates among young adults who were raised in homogeneous religion-based home. Religion is what saved my father’s life despite numerous trials with his anxiety throughout the years. In the study done by CPR in Brazil, one mother of a child with a mental disorder said: “I would listen, would ask for support, I have always asked assistance from God”. Having a personal relationship with a higher being provides comfort when family and friends are unavailable. As with any child, having a “scaffolding on which to hang one’s life” offers direction in the long run, whereas a child who doesn’t go to church, for example, bases their morals off their parents but does not have the benefit of a social support system. In the case of non-religious people, participating in NAMI or school groups are ideal (Batistela Vicente, Jéssica).

It is important to note that in the case of serious mental disorders, often social support is insufficient and requires the aid of medication. Modern medicine, though often abused, as I am well aware of from my time spent training as a pharmacy technician, is necessary for those who struggle seriously with mental illness. The importance of medicine and the fact that there is no shame in it is also the knowledge that I think should be more widespread—with caution. I took medicine for ADHD when I was about 10, and the results were great, but I only used it for a while in order to establish good habits. This may be the case for minor diagnoses like mine, medicine was not necessary but was helpful for my schooling. Serious mental disorders like bipolar, severe anxiety, and clinical depression, however, may require more than a short term prescription for establishing habits. One point Dr. Jamison emphasizes is that if she was given the option to go back and live a life without manic-depressive illness, she would not; granted the medicine was still available.

I have come eventually to realize that just because something appears wrong doesn’t mean I have to fix it. Mental health can be treated and cared for, but in chronic and genetic situations, though it might be subdued many people don’t realize that it cannot be cured. And this is okay. As the quote says, the mental disorder will “hamper [the individual’s and their friends and family’s] productivity” (Agustina Barimbing, Maryati). I believe this is true not only but specifically when the individual’s relations try to fix them. This puts a strain on everyone and only leads to everyone involved blaming each other and themselves.

“Oh mother, how is it for you?”

(Hull, John)

At an emotional scene from the movie “Notes on Blindness,” John Hull’s wife reflected on her husband’s wrestle with his loss of sight and with it so many other things and mused: “Shall I scratch my eyes out, shall I follow you into this world?” Those with mental disorders are not the only ones affected by it. Family and friends struggle to help their loved ones but can easily become discouraged by the task of relieving the load. Caring for a loved one with mental illness is often a“lonely battle”(Kageyama, Masako). Families are required to learn to live with the disease, facing the difficulties and adapting to the new situation in order to maintain a difficult balance within the family. It can be very isolating and caregivers sometimes sacrifice their own physical and mental well being and that of other loved ones to help the person with a mental disorder. Aid from the same support programs offer comfort and understanding by “address(ing) members’ need for knowledge about mental illness, reduc(ing) their feelings of guilt and self‐blame, decreas(ing) caregivers’ burdens, help(ing) families cope, and improv(ing) parent-child relationships” (Kageyama, Masako). With a community that understands the family members as well as the individual with the mental disorder, feelings of isolation and pressure subside, relationships are healthier.

In the book by Jane Clayson Johnson, "Silent Souls Weeping: Depression, Sharing Stories Finding Hope", Johnson interviews the husband of a woman with clinical depression who shares how his view of and reactions to his wife’s episodes evolved over the years. At first, he did not feel like family, but someone that was obligated to serve hand and foot. He got caught in a vicious cycle of blaming her for not controlling herself and blaming himself for not being able to fix it. Eventually, he realized casting blaming only dug the pit of depression deeper.

So he did what is unarguably easier said than done, and decided to stop blaming people and start “blaming the illness”. Of the experience he said:"(life with) a person with a mental illness is not doomed to be miserable", it is the responsibility and blame that we stubbornly hold on to that make us miserable. Instead of holding on to virulent bitterness and letting the illness be a barrier, he decided to love his wife. The overarching theme of "An Unquiet Mind" and "Silent Souls Weeping" is the saving grace of simply loving those struggling with some disorder: not because it miraculously relieves them of the symptoms, but because it makes life “worth living”.

The simplest, and yet two of the most beneficial treatment are both education and acceptance. Mental disorders are not a project that can be “fixed”(Clayson Johnson, Johnson) by the experiencer or their loved ones, but one can offer love and can educate themselves. Though undoubtedly necessary for some individuals on a case by case scenario, it would do the most good for both sides to familiarize themselves with the other person’s situation. This creates a kinship of sorts, humanizes others. Just like when you meet the person who will be your best friend the first time you see them, we should not make assumptions but instead, make an effort to understand. The teaching that losing oneself to find oneself is absolutely correct. Love is a treatment in itself.

Works Cited

Agustina Barimbing, Maryati, et al .“Family Atmosphere Make Family Resilience Which Have Adolescent with Mental Disorder (According to “Resilience” Theory of Haase & Peterson)”. International Journal of Nursing Education. July 2019. 1.

Arredondo, Emanuel, et al. “The Global Impact of Intellectual Disability and Other Mental Disorders in Children”. International Journal of Childbirth Education. 2019, Vol. 34 Issue 2, p14-17.

Batistela Vicente, Jéssica, et al. “Mental disorder in childhood: family structure and their social relations”. Escola Anna Nery Revista de Enfermagem. vol. 19, 2015, pp 107-114.

Burland, Joyce. “NAMI: Family to Family Education Program”. NAMI. 2001.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20370237

Johnson, Jane Clayson. "Silent Souls Weeping: Depression, Sharing Stories Finding Hope". Desert Book. 2018.

Kugelmass, Heather. “Mental disorder among nonreligious adolescents”. Mental Health, Religion & Culture (MENT HEALTH RELIGION CULT). 2015, vol. 18, issue 5.

Kageyama, Masako, et al. “Changes in Families' Caregiving Experiences through Involvement as Participants then Facilitators in a Family Peer-Education Program for Mental Disorders in Japan”. Family Process. 2017, vol. 56 Issue 2, p408.

Lucille Southey, Sarah. “Sarah Lucille Southey: A Memoir”. Dollison Road Books. 2016.

Middleton, Peter, et al. “Notes on Blindness”. 2016

Owen, M., Cardno, A. & O'Donovan, M. "Psychiatric genetics: back to the future". Mol Psychiatry, vol 5, 2000, pp 22–31.

#all you need is love meds therapy and yeah

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thefirelookout · 7 years

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More Power To You

Always trending on YouTube, poets, performers and best friends Phil and Sarah Kay launch into a synchronized monologue of sorts. They are both speaking to no one in particular, but they are both talking about how and ‘when love arrives’. For all we know, love arrives rather inconveniently. Love can be irksome business, especially when the one you feel for is up there, way over your league. But what is it that happens when you are in love with someone in a position of power?

Being fond of someone unreachable is like the first saree that catches your eye at the shop. That expensive saree you inquire about, but the very mention of its price makes you choke on your food. Even then, you find yourself indulging in the fabric, the colour and the feel- no harm in that. Beyond your means and exceeding your budget, you ask the eager shopkeeper to stow it away. Nevertheless, the fact that you even picked such a saree out of a myriad of mediocre ones shows good taste. The shopkeeper approves. Indeed, when you are in love with someone up there in a position of power, everyone agrees that you have the best possible taste. Everyone also knows of the sheer impossibility of anything ever happening.

One might argue as to what is this ‘position of power’ we often talk about, and if it has a place in the realm of romance at all. Some argue that it is the same every time we feel something for someone special. Our heart is rendered vulnerable, whether or not she is your teacher, whether or not he is your department head, whether or not they are your project coordinator. Yet there is a world of difference between feeling something for the aforementioned people as opposed to say, for a classmate, for example. There are usually no consequences in loving your equals, the very worst, it does it that it brings an end to the friendship you once had. Feeling for an important personage however, is risqué. It can make or break your life, and it is in most cases, the latter. We have all regretted stepping into this booby-trap of love at least once in our life.

In those excruciating initial stages, somehow, your instincts are confused. Do I listen to the instructions of the boss or do I look at her perfect teeth? Do I take notes or do I just listen to that soft, husky voice? You know, however, that you don’t own the rights to the voice or the perfect smile. You have known since Day 1 that they are way over your league. You restrain yourself, sometimes excessively, and you find your performance diminishing. Previously rather smooth with the ladies, the confident womanizer in you falters, and you wonder why this one overbearing presence would have such a tumultuous effect on you.

Realizing the divide, the sheer distance between them and you, the next resort is almost always an attempt at self-improvement. Matters become worse if you are by any chance, in the same sector. If he is an acclaimed artist and you are a clueless rookie, you’ll probably have a bin full of crumpled paper every night, full of ‘art’ that you are trying to create, inspired by him. Perfection doesn’t come, rather, a voice inside goes ‘stupidstupidstupidstupid’ and you’re back to square one.

To elevate yourself, you try to move on to more refined pursuits. You are suddenly ashamed of your occasional, guilty pleasure playlist full of Ed Sheeran, and would like to switch to Sufjan Stevens altogether. These efforts go down the drain too, because your love listens to God-knows-what music; the kind of stuff you’ll never find by yourself unless someone recommends it. Things that you probably know exist somewhere out there, but you can never touch. You put away your silly copy of ‘Eleanor and Park’ because you can do better, and bring home some Camus to read. You realize that Sisyphus’ problem isn’t your problem, or perhaps it is, and you’re just confused. Are you dumb, or something, you wonder. More importantly, why were you dumb enough to even catch these feelings?

Rejection comes in the form of rejected friend requests, ‘seen’ messages, general indifference or simply, the realization that this person does not treat you any differently than others. This becomes one of those situations that will never change, and it suffocates you. Nirmalendu Goon would want you to profess your love to this person, he would want you to say, “Straight-cut bole debo bhalobashi”, come what may. Even if you gather the courage to tell them, it creates more discomfort, more awkwardness than you had thought of. Most of us, for this reason, would prefer to keep that position of safety, the leverage, the cover that keeps us behind the curtains. We like to think that it’s better not to anger the boss by professing our ‘unprofessional’, ‘irresponsible’, ‘against-work-ethic’ love for her. We decide that, like most decisions in our lives, it is for the best.

On the other hand, we find all those social media influencers, Facebook celebrities and motivational speakers go, “nothing is impossible” or “Carpe diem”. These are the situations when we realize that we are indeed helpless. That there really is a limit to what we can do and achieve. It brings to the forefront some of the major questions in our lives. It questions human nature, stares at the very core of our behavioural patterns. As humans, are we natural risk takers, or would we rather remain on the safe side? What happened to the conquerer, the naturally inquisitive, the indomitable you? Is everything really fair in love, or war for that matter?

When we finally decide to let go, we decide to relegate those feelings to the ‘cute’ folder. We can easily forgive the quirkiness, the cuteness, the little idiosyncrasies in our nature, but we can never forgive sheer stupidity. We cheat ourselves through placebo. It was ‘puppy love’ after all, and we desperately want to laugh at our craziness a few years down the road, when we will magically become somewhat better versions of ourselves. We tell ourselves that those crazy, stupid feelings never amounted to anything after all, and we have known all along. We sincerely hope that if we tell ourselves the same thing enough times, it would soon sound as authentic as the truth.

If you have truly accepted it, the next stage of it all is self love. Cherishing the self becomes important and we, with our heads held high, go back to good old Ed Sheeran for much-needed comfort. The unrefined, nothing-too-fancy hobbies and interests are no longer embarrassing. At this point, we know for sure, that what we have shown is maturity.

From somewhere in the realm of the dead, C.S Lewis chuckles and sighs to himself, “To love at all is to be vulnerable”.

#love #unrequited love #crush #romance #heartbreak

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xicaughtmyselfx-blog · 5 years

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THE KISS

vimeo

THE KISS (4:35) Directed by Indira Cesarine Featuring Tyler Kenyon @ Major, Joost @ VNY Models, Nique @ Major Models, Michelle Vawer @ IMG models, Maritza @ Next Models, Trevor @ New York Models, Valeria Leonova @ Q models, AJ @ Ford Men, Tassara @ Trump Models, Julia G @ Elite Models, Gabriel @ New York Models, Marcella @ One Model Management, Fernando @ Q models, Bekah Jenkins @ One Model Management, Luke Lysdahl @ Click Model Management, Frederik Ferrier @ Earnest Represents, Olga @ Q Models, Charlotte @ IMG Models, Ilona Struzik @ Major Models, Chris Fawcett @ Click models Edited by Bernice Gonzalez Music by Moby Cinematography by Industrial Color & Indira Cesarine 2nd Cameraman Don Frasco Styling by Cannon @ Judy Casey Hair by @ Kozmo @ Bryan Bantry Makeup by Tanya @ Factory Downtown & Bernadine Bibiano @ Judy Casey Special Thanks to Industrial Color & K&M Camera Elite Models, Next Models, Ford Models, Click Models, Earnest Represents, New York Model Management, One Models, VNY, IMG Models, Major Models, Q Models – SYNOPSIS Directed by Indira Cesarine, The Kiss (4:35) is a conceptual video art production playing with the meaning of “XXXX” Magazine featuring 10 “couples” kissing. Starring models Bekah Jenkins & Tyler Kenyon, Joost & Maritza, Nique & Michelle Vawer, Trevor & Valeria, AJ & Tassara, Julia G. & Gabriel, Marcella & Fernando, Frederik Ferrier & Olga, Charlotte & Luke Lysdahl, Ilona Stuzik & Chris Fawcett. Kissing, Kissing and more kissing around the world for 180 days, the 10 XXXX couples love to X Kiss X Kiss X Kiss X Kiss… The remixed version of the cover footage features music by Moby. Edited by Bernice Gonzalez from Industrial Color. Styling by Cannon, hair by Kozmo, makeup by Tanya and Bernadine Bibiano.

CONTRIBUTOR’S BIOS:

Indira Cesarine

INDIRA CESARINE

Touted as a “photographic child prodigy”, Indira Cesarine’s first solo exhibition was at the age of 16 at the Paul Mellon Arts Center. By the time she graduated high school she had exhibited 4 one-woman shows of her photographic work. While finishing a triple major in Art History, French Literature and Women’s Studies at Columbia University, she began shooting for a variety of top modeling agencies including Elite, Ford and Wilhelmina Models. Once she finished her degree, she went to London to pursue her interests in photography and journalism. Within 6 months of arriving in London, she was appointed Editor at Large of the British magazine “Don’t Tell It”, and began shooting editorials for many magazines and clients in England, the US and Europe.

Over the years her work has sparked the interest of some of the world’s top creative directors, having been commissioned for British Vogue, GQ, Glamour, Marie Claire, Tatler, The Times, Grazia, Harper’s Bazaar, In Style, L’Officiel as well as many other international publications and advertising campaigns. She is currently represented internationally with agents in New York, London and Milan. Her career as a director began with her first short film, “City of Love” being featured at Cannes Film Festival in 2007. Since then she has directed, produced and edited numerous short films while maintaining an active career as a photographer. In 2009 she produced and launched the multimedia publication XXXX MAGAZINE, showcasing original multimedia productions of fashion and video art films.

In January 2010, her work was exhibited in a solo show in Paris at Visionairs Gallery, presenting large scale photographic images juxtaposed with her video art productions she directed for XXXX Magazine. Other recent exhibits include: The “Voyeur” Exhibit, Art Basel Miami, celebrating XXXX Magazine’s 3rd issue, sponsored by Miami Art Museum Contemporaries, American Friends of the Louvre and Quintessentially, December 2010; Motion Deconstructed Exhibit with Quintessentiallly Art, New York, June 2010; “Soiree Au Louvre” Video Art Installation at the French Embassy, June 2010; Matignon, Paris Fashion Film Video Installation March 2011, New York Fashion Shorts at the Tribeca Grand, September 2009; London Fashion Shorts at Machine–A Gallery in February 2010; View Imaging exhibit, New York, December 2009; and The Distorted Beauty Show, April 2010. Her photography has also been chosen to appear in Dolce and Gabanna’s 20th Anniversary book curated by Fabien Baron.

Indira and her work have been featured internationally on TV shows such as E! TV, Fashion TV, Entertainment Tonight, Inside Edition, HBO’s Special “Ford Supermodel of the World”, MTV, ‘HIGH SOCIETY’ and “Make me a Supermodel” UK and US editions. – Bernice Gonzalez www.tvluv.com Taking into consideration that the strongest medium of communication today is the moving image, Bernice decided to use it as her way of expression. From early on she embarked on the production, direction and editing of a local and independent TV show transmitted every Monday for the period of eight years from her hometown at the moment, San Juan, Puerto Rico, and which was dedicated to the local and international music, art and fashion scene. During that period she also worked as an editor for advertising for clients like Anheuser Busch and AT&T. She wrote an award wining script, which eventually became a short movie, TV LUV, screened at various festivals around the world, including the Short Film Depot at the Cannes Film Festival. She has collaborated with various artists editing video art projects in the like of Charles Juhasz Alvarado, Craig Cutler, Hans Gissinger and Indira Cesarine. She currently works as Senior editor for IC Motion in New York, the production and post production division of Industrial Color. – Bernadine Bibiano https://ift.tt/2PKkMnd International makeup artist Bernadine Bibiano’s distinctive, provocative and playful style has graced fashion magazines, runways, advertising, music videos, red carpets and catalogs. Internationally, Bernadine has worked extensively with L’Uomo, Vogue Jewelry, Vogue, Glamour, Harper’s Bazaar, Marie Claire, Elle, Deutsch, and Rebel; styled runway for Red Valentino, Heatherette, Jennifer Nicholson, and Rosa Cha; and counts Banana Republic, Catherine Malandrino, Target, Izod, Polo, Levis, Adidas, and Saks Fifth Avenue among her advertising campaign clients. In addition, Bernadine wrote the content and created the makeup styles for the book, The Body Shop’s Makeup: Fresh Ideas for Fantastic Looks and designed the cosmetic presentation for Neiman Marcus’ The Book. She’s been the beauty consultant for Benefit Cosmetics, Sephora, Avon and Mary Kay Cosmetics and shaped the high concept look for the luxury European fragrance line Boadicea The Victorious. – Kozmo https://ift.tt/2YPogco Born in Easton, PA and raised in Saylorsburg, PA, 38 year old Kozmo started doing hair in the late 80’s in high school. It wasn’t until 1994 when he moved to NYC that he started freelancing and assisting various top hairstylists. While under the wings of such artists as Didier, Ward, and Malcolm Edwards he acquired his own style and was taken on with the agency Bryan Bantry. Since being with Bryan Bantry for the past 5 years, he has worked with some of the top photographers and magazines in the fashion industry. Just a few of his celebrity clientele include Liza Minelli, Tyra Banks, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Bon Jovi – Tanya Kern https://ift.tt/2LTY2QA From childhood on Tanja was focused on expressing her creativity through painting and drawing. Finally she discovered her passion and extraordinary talent for the art of make up during her degree course in media studies which gave her the chance to work with a lot of different film, advertising, and design productions. After deciding to shift her focus from the canvas to the face, Tanja attended make up school where she deepened her knowledge of anatomy and honed her intuitive grasp for colour, form, and texture. This can be seen in all of her work and is a major element of her personal style. Film noir and contemporary paintings continue to influence and inspire her work. Since then she has established an impressive portfolio working across photography, film, and television; she’s also worked with a distinguished list of photographers and clients. He dedication and the ability to improvise are important assets to her creativity and have aided her on many occasions, most notably when working overseas or in other European countries. Tanja specialises in beauty and macrobeauty and fashion. Likes: 71 Viewed:

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colouredillusions · 7 years

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when love stays

When love arrived, it was in rickety elevator outside KFC. Love came with excited eyes and a nervous smile. Love didn’t know how to kiss and asked for permission on the first date. Love gave tiny pink teddy bears and mini mousse cakes for birthdays. Love came as a phone call at the end of each day, when midnight neared and the white noise of the day died down, the world shrunk into a voice at the end of the phone line.

And so love stayed with an ease that made the years slip by when you weren’t paying attention. Love grew and stretched and shook.

But when love stays, love can become uncomfortable. It can feel odd and tight, like a ring made just for you - but not crafted to fit you, to be perfect. Love can feel hazy and uncertain and on the days when those feelings take centre stage - love can be dangerous. It will hurt and tear and reach the unspoken limits. Those moments are made easier when you remember how fragile the bond is. Love could choose to leave when it stands an inch away from the door - in rage and in hurt. Love could choose to be unkind in the face of your unreasonable words. Love could choose from a million chances and reasons to just leave.

But Love stayed.

Chose to be kind in the face of your unkindness, chose to sit and reason despite your harshness. Love stayed, even when love was not meant to stay.

You will also find that when love stays, love changes. As you talk over the phone, for 7-8 years, everyday, you can look back and trace love. The silence may become more, the things you have to say may become less.The things unsaid may become heavier, but the need to say them may become less - because love just knows how you are looking at the world right now just by the pause in conversation, by the intake of breath.

I don’t know what to say to love. It’s been around for a long time now, love is odd - both routine and radical. I still don’t get why you stuck with me and I am sure on our worst days you have questioned this yourself. But staying back has not only been about being beside me - it’s about being patient, kind and at times selfless. You’ve given me all those on the days I needed it the most, on the days I did not deserve them.

Maybe we weren’t ready for Love, maybe we were too young for Love, maybe Love saw us and thought it would be nice to watch how long we could hold onto us without letting our worries and chaos slip in. Despite a million reasons not to and because of a few reasons you wanted to - we took Love for a ride. And so Love stayed.

Thank you for staying.

Inspired by: When love arrives by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye

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dumbbelle · 8 years

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🐘 When Love Arrives [Inspired by the lovely poetry of Sarah Kay & Phil Kaye] (feat. BRO!WonHui) Request: ✔ (Anon) || Masterlist

{{ Because sometimes – most times – love doesn’t look like Love at all. }}

I knew exactly what love looked like... In seventh grade

“I can see myself falling in love with someone like myself,” Wonwoo nods, twiddling a pen as he stares blankly at the math homework in front of him. His friends snort, the one sitting on top of Wonwoo’s desk full out slapping his knee as if it’s the funniest joke he has ever heard. Wonwoo has the dignity to look offended.

“One’s enough,” Hajoon teases, and Wonwoo gives a hard shove to the boy. He hardly budges and Wonwoo curses his own gangly figure.

“Whatever. I stand by my statement. They’ll be a natural beauty, and a reader too. Oh, they’ll just love to read and spend time at the library.” Just like him. Wonwoo can’t wait to meet them.

Even though I hadn't met love yet If love had wandered into my homeroom I would have recognized him at first glance

“I hear Minji’s got a crush on youuuu.” Sometimes Wonwoo wonders why he never gets rid of the kid currently making kissy faces at him and waggling his eyebrows at a girl not too far away.

“Shut up Hajoon,” Wonwoo gives the girl a thoughtful glance before returning his attention back to his lunch. She just isn’t... His type. He has a type, and he knows that they are out there somewhere. He just has to find them. Love has soft eyes and a quiet presence, an angelic and thoughtful beauty aided by the book found in their hands. “You know she’s not The One.”

Hajoon rolls his eyes so hard that he probably sees his own brain.

And I knew I just must be searching the wrong classroom Just must be checking the wrong hallways

If only I could find him

Wonwoo finds Love on a Thursday afternoon. He’s so ecstatic that he spends majority of the rest of his trip stealing subtle glances, and almost forgets to check his books out before leaving. He can’t sleep because he’s found them, The One, and so he texts Jun, in need of a soul to confide in. Jun tells him not to worry but that’s what Wonwoo knows best, though his face is impassive as he jots down poetry on a nearby napkin. His Windowsill Angel fits his criteria perfectly, a mental checklist of traits that he’s kept stored for years.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

He thinks it’s justified when his heart shatters at their complete and utter rejection.

But when love finally showed up

Wonwoo finds Love once more on a Thursday afternoon. Or rather, Love finds him. He’s merely going about his day when the brightest smile he’s ever seen attacks him on the street, ushering for him to take a coupon. He tries to zigzag his way around the perky salesperson but he ends up falling on top of them instead, his latest mystery novel grabs tumbling out of his book bag and to the floor. Love rushes to pick them up, and he sees their nose crinkle at the sight.

“A bookworm, huh? I only read graphic novels.” To think his Love would spring from his only hate.

The breakup is loud and unresolved, and Wonwoo starts to think with a bitter taste in his mouth that Love doesn’t exist in any shape or form.

Love stayed away for years And when love finally reappeared, I barely recognized him

When Wonwoo meets you, you’re so far removed from his original idea of love that he’s not exactly sure what Love looks like at all. Even as he stares right at you and learns your favourite colour and your favourite number and your favourite idols and your favourite books, he can’t quite place a finger on Love’s image.

So he doesn’t, and all he knows is that Love makes him smile, makes him laugh. Love is someone who he feels able to confide in, and you’re such a wonderful and magnificent human being that he falls in love with this fuzzy idea of Love all over again.

Love isn’t what he was expecting, and it’s not something he could have ever predicted.

But that’s alright.

Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to And love leaves exactly when love must When love arrives say, "Welcome, make yourself comfortable" If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her Turn off the music, listen to the quiet Whisper, “Thank you for stopping by”

#seventeen #seventeen texts #seventeen fake texts #seventeen reactions #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #kpop #kpop texts #seventeen wonwoo #jeon wonwoo #wonwoo #1woo #love #mine #dumbbelle

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bring-me-ease · 8 years

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January Blues

It’s been a minute since I’ve actually written something here, but as a push to start my true “self-care” routine, I wanted to reflect on each month- not only the moments that were great or the moments that pushed me to my limit, but the raw, honest truth.

Ever since I could remember, January has always been a weird month for me. I knew it was the start of a new year; however, I feel like most January’s run as “trial-run” like me thinking about getting a SoundCloudGo trial to continue to listen to Kehlani’s #SweetSexySavage since I lost my password for Tidal.

Anyways- to stop digressing.... my January.

Top moments:

1) Last week’s Cheer game- Since I am a first year teacher, I decided that I would add another load to my plate (kidding but not kidding) and become the Cheer Coach of my former high school- yes, the same school that I graduated just 8 years ago, crazy right?. Though I am beyond exhausted with sometimes 16 hour days, I feel such a huge sense of fulfillment seeing the passion, spirit, growth, and love these ladies have for the game and for one another. One game in particular got EVERYONE (including myself) hyped up! It was a game to be reckoned with (even though we lost) it was a memorable moment. It was then and there that not only did I feel so nostalgic, but was very proud of the start and foundation of the team. Thinking about this right now as I type, I should be pretty damn proud of this.

Now to be honest, it’s kind of hard for me to find super “top moments” of this month, but I do know that I can think of a couple more... remember I’m making sure that I am being honest with myself and not fabricating anything because life doesn’t have to be or “seem” perfect all the time.

2) The start of my 3rd unit- poetry. If anyone knows me- I LOVE to write. One day I will publish a book that not only will the world be able to access my story, I will finally check off something in my list of “you MUST do this before you die.” Anyways, for as long as I was student teaching, I have dreamed about teaching poetry. Now, don’t get me wrong- finding materials for high school freshman that is both challenging and appropriate is not easy- let alone I do not want to be the teacher only showing perspectives of white people and people of a high social class- rather, I want my students to always remember that their culture is represented in my classroom- no matter how much planning or research that takes me... come to think of it, I now realize that tonight (yes tonight) I am going to make a stronger effort to do so and NOT be lazy or complacent with just putting Maya Angelou and Pablo Neruda.... but even expanding more amazing poets (those 2 are amazing by the way). Okay, where was I? This week we read and analyzed poems such as “When Love Arrives” by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye.... and (I am SO happy to say this) Rudy Francisco. One of my favorite things about working at this school is that I get free range of ANY curriculum that I teach (with the guidance and feedback from my manager), and how amazing is it that my kids are reading and exposed to artists and poets who I have been DREAMING of teaching. (Rudy, if you are reading this.... holla at me... jk!) Long story... though this unit is brand new to me, I hope my kids will remember that their voice matters and that they are developing their skills to be amazing writers of the world.

3) There is one more thing that was pretty amazing about this month. If you also know me, I have been following and in love with DeVon Franklin’s work and ministries. Not only is his wife Meagan Good, but the fact that his sermon’s are just so inspiring already motivates me to be a better person in this crazy world. Just a couple days ago at church, DeVon spoke to my soul and reminded me of where I am in life and where I am headed. He preached about how “We ARE the HEORES of our movie. We need to think about our lives as blockbuster movies, and that we need to re-evaluate and think about our cast- the people who we have around and the company we keep.” One part that really spoke to me was the fact that he said sometimes when we see a bad movie, it’s not because the director wanted to create a bad movie, it was the fact that the director rushed the development process. When we rush our process, we tend to always get the results that we don’t want. As I was sitting and realizing what he said, I realized that maybe I am not there or where I think I should be and am rushing my process.

Honesty hour...

I know some days I want a man who will love me and cherish me, but if I choose to walk around and be complacent with someone who is not for me or rushing into the arms of someone who does not have the best intentions, I am not enjoying the process of being a single (and might I add pretty damn smart) educator (wow, I just hyped myself up), but I am rushing God’s process of building both me and my future partner.

I know some days I expect my kids to be amazing writers, readers, and almost perfect little angels, but I need to realize that at their age, they are in their own adolescent development process and working towards bettering themselves.

As I type this, I initially felt super defeated today. I felt like my health was in shambles once again. I cried myself to sleep because of my family member’s situations and the stupidity but sad reality of the President. I just failed a test, I felt so overworked and underloved (I know that’s not a word), and I felt like I needed a month long vacation of either sleep or endless green tea and massages. But as I am typing my sentiments over the past month and continue to replay #SSS all night, I realize once again that God truly got me. He knows when I am awake. He knows when I am confused. He knows when I am sad. He knows when there’s something wrong, and though I don’t see it, I know that there is a beautiful breakthrough coming my way.

In the next month, I will be heading off to NY to visit and spend a week with my best friends. I will end the first year of cheerleading back at our high school. I will push myself to be bold and take more risks, and a month from now, I will have even more positive things to say.

Cheers.

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networkingdefinition · 5 years

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Orchid Quotes

Official Website: Orchid Quotes

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• A flower is a daisy chain, a graduation, a valentine; a flower is New Year’s Eve and an orchid in your hair; a flower is a single geranium blooming in a tin can on a murky city fire-escape; an acre of roses at the Botanical Gardens; and the first gold crocus of spring! … a flower is a birth, a wedding, a leaving of this life. – Jean Hersey • (After meeting her birth mother after more than 40 years). We exchange bunches of orchids, laughing at the coincidence of the flowers. A little unnerving: I wonder if that choice has anything to do with genetics. … I want to take mine home and look after them so that they live for days. I might spray the leaves, and make sure they sit in an easterly window, and keep them out of the direct sun. – Jackie Kay • An enchanting harmony of fuchsia, purple and pink undertones, Radiant Orchid inspires confidence and emanates great joy, love and health. It is a captivating purple, one that draws you in with its beguiling charm. – Leatrice Eiseman • An invitation to innovation, Radiant Orchid encourages expanded creativity and originality, which is increasingly valued in today’s society. – Leatrice Eiseman • An orchid in a deep forest sends out its fragrance even if no one is around to appreciate it. – Confucius • As the seed buried in the earth cannot imagine itself as an orchid or hyacinth, neither can a heart packed with hurt imagine itself loved or at peace. The courage of the seed is that once cracking, it cracks all the way.- Mark Nepo

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Orchid', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_orchid').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_orchid img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Dark sides are important. They should be nurtured like nasty black orchids. – Gillian Flynn • Einstein is notmerely an artist in his moments of leisure and play, as a great statesman may play golf or a great soldier grow orchids. He retains the same attitude in the whole of his work. He traces science to its roots in emotion, which is exactly where art is also rooted. – Havelock Ellis • Ella’s supersonic voice followed her all the way to Bleecker Street and then dissolved amid the noisy profusion of shops, cafes, and restaurants and the crush of people that made the West Village of Manhattan unique in the world. In a single block you could buy fertility statues from Tanzania, rare Amazonian orchids, a pawned brass tuba, Krispy Kreme doughnuts, or the best, most expensive cup of coffee you ever tasted. It was the doughnuts, incidentally, that attracted Gaia. – Francine Pascal • English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit. … Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds, kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden, English bohemians sit in cold orderly rows, like carrots. – Alan Coren • Every orchid or rose or lizard or snake is the work of a dedicated and skilled breeder. There are thousands of people, amateurs and professionals, who devote their lives to this business. Now imagine what will happen when the tools of genetic engineering become accessible to these people. – Freeman Dyson • For other people, love is like some rare orchid that can only grow in one place under a certain set of conditions. For me it’s like bindweed. It grows with no encouragement at all, under any conditions, and just strangles everything else. – Scarlett Thomas • Have you ever noticed how much they look like orchids? lovely! – Robert A. Heinlein • He bought me so many orchids that I looked like a well-kept grave. – Texas Guinan • Hope is like one of those orchids that grows around toxic waste: lovely in itself – and an assertion, if you like, of indefatigable good – but a sure sign that something nasty lies underneath. – Rachel Cusk • Human beings aren’t orchids; we must draw something from the soil we grow in. – Sara Jeannette Duncan • I also like to garden. I grow things, vegetables, flowers… I particularly like orchids. I raise orchids. – Beau Bridges • I hated roses. I hated them for being so trite, so clichéd, a default, all-purpose flower that said I love you, I’m sorry, and get well soon. Give me peonies and tulips, orchids or gardenia. Those were flowers with character.- Justina Chen • I have become an orchid washed in on the salt white beach. Memory, what can I make of it now that might please you-this life, already wasted and still strewn with miracles? – Mary Ruefle • I try to always have flowers in the house. I have a florist in Chinatown, and they deliver orchids every two weeks. I like living with living things. – Phillip Lim • I was fat! I was pustule-rich! I looked like a pink human grenade! When did I blossom into the irresistible little orchid that I am now? I don’t know. Getting taller helps. It spreads out a bit. – Dylan Moran • I was left alone there in the company of the orchids, roses and violets, which, like people waiting beside you who do not know you, preserved a silence which their individuality as living things made all the more striking, and warmed themselves in the heat of a glowing coal fire. – Marcel Proust • If he’d been any other man and i’d been any other girl, I’d have called the narrowing of his heavy-lidded dark eyes lust. But he was Barrons and I was Mac, and a blossoming of lust was about as likely as orchids blooming in Antarctica – Karen Marie Moning • If I see an orchid that’s fantastically expensive, I’ll buy it. It’s worth it, for no other reason than it gives me pleasure. – Lee Radziwill • If Lady Gaga and Dorothy Parker had a secret love child, it would’ve been Gypsy Rose Lee. Gypsy arrived for opening nights at the Met wearing a full-length cape made entirely of orchids, while Lady Gaga shows up wearing a full-length cloak made of meat. – Karen Abbott • In mauve sea-orchids as in her striking earlier book Guardians of the Secret, Lila Zemborain brings into relationship the viscera of the body and the spill of the universe in tense compositions that blur distinctions between lyric and prose poetry, between science and eros. – Forrest Gander • In the winter, I enjoy cross-country skiing and raising orchids and amaryllises. If I could grow tropical flowers as perennials, I would, especially hibiscus and mandavilla. – Diane Ackerman • Inspired teachers … cannot be ordered by the gross from the factory. They must be discovered one by one, and brought home from the woods and swamps like orchids. They must be placed in a conservatory, not in a carpenter shop; and they must be honored and trusted. – John Jay Chapman • Just as I wonder whether it’s going to die,the orchid blossoms and I can’t explain why it moves my heart, why such pleasure comes from one small bud on a long spindly stem, one blood red gold flower opening at mid-summer, tiny, perfect in its hour. – Sam Hamill • Lord Illingworth told me this morning that there was an orchid there as beautiful as the seven deadly sins. – Oscar Wilde • Love is an orchid which thrives principally on hot air. – Myrtle Reed • Malaysia-Singapore bilateral relations can blossom beautifully if cultivated and nurtured like an orchid plant. – Najib Razak • My hobbies are cooking and gardening, especially growing orchids. I love soccer, my husband and I support a British team called Chelsea, and I also enjoy tennis. We have 3 cats. – Juliet Mills • Nothing could be taken for granted. Women who loved you tried to cut your throat, while women who didn’t even know your name scrubbed your back. Witches could sound like Katharine Hepburn and your best friend could try to strangle you. Smack in the middle of an orchid there might be a blob of jello and inside a Mickey Mouse doll, a fixed and radiant star. – Toni Morrison • Once you start carrying your own suitcase, paying your own bills, running your own show, you’ve done something to yourself that makes you one of those women men like to call ‘a pal’ and ‘a good sport,’ the kind of woman they tell their troubles to. But you’ve cut yourself off from the orchids and the diamond bracelets, except those you buy yourself. – Sophie Tucker • One of my favorite stories was Black Orchid, because it was so different from all the others. I especially enjoyed dancing the Charleston. I have always been keen on dancing. – Sarah Sutton • One wants to move through life with elegance and grace, blossoming infrequently but with exquisite taste, and perfect timing, like a rare bloom, a zebra orchid… One wants… But one so seldom gets what one wants, does one? – Tony Kushner • Orchid hunting is a mortal occupation. – Susan Orlean • Orchids manufacture their intricate devices from the common components of ordinary flowers, parts usually fitted for very different functions. If God had designed a beautiful machine to reflect his wisdom and power, surely he would not have used a collection of parts generally fashioned for other purposes. Orchids were not made by an ideal engineer; they are jury-rigged from a limited set of available components. Thus, they must have evolved from ordinary flowers. – Stephen Jay Gould • Orchids were not made by an ideal engineer; they are jury-rigged from a limited set of available components. – Stephen Jay Gould • Ribbons a-flutter and orchids a-tremble, Yearly the vigilant Daughters assemble, Affirming in fervid and firm resolutions Their permanent veto on all revolutions. – Marya Mannes • She thought of the orchids spreading across the plains below, choking the life out of other plants, out of the soil itself, selfish and unstoppable. Tally Youngblood was a weed. And, unlike the orchids, she wasn’t even a pretty one. – Scott Westerfeld • She’s alone, they kept telling themselves, and surely she danced in no one’s arms, yet somehow that seemed to matter less and less. As the night went on, and clarinet and coyote call mingled beyond the lantern light, the magic of their own powder-blue jackets and orchids seemed to fade, and it came to them in small sensations that they were more alone than she was. – Jerry Spinelli • Somewhere close I knew spear-nosed bats flew through the tree crowns in search of fruit, palm vipers coiled in ambush in the roots of orchids, jaguars walked the river’s edge; around them eight hundred species of trees stood, more than are native to all of North America; and a thousand species of butterflies, 6 percent of the entire world fauna, waited for the dawn. – E. O. Wilson • The American way of stress is comparable to Freud’s ‘beloved symptom’, his name for the cherished neurosis that a patient cultivates like the rarest of orchids and does not want to be cured of. Stress makes Americans feel busy, important, and in demand, and simultaneously deprived, ignored, and victimized. Stress makes them feel interesting and complex instead of boring and simple, and carries an assumption of sensitivity not unlike the Old World assumption that aristocrats were high-strung. In short, stress has become a status symbol. – Florence King • The old orchid hunter lay back on his pillow, his body limp… ‘You’ll curse the insects,’ he said at least, ‘and you’ll curse the natives… The sun will burn you by day and the cold will shrivel you by night. You’ll be racked by fever and tormented by a hundred discomforts, but you’ll go on. For when a man falls in love with orchids, he’ll do anything to possess the one he wants. It’s like chasing a green-eyed woman or taking cocaine… it’s a sort of madness. – Susan Orlean • The orchid is Mother Nature’s masterpiece. – Robyn • The splendor of a human heart that trusts it is loved unconditionally gives God more pleasure than Westminster Cathedral, the Sistine Chapel, Beethoven’s “Ninth Symphony”, Van Gogh’s “Sunflowers”, the sight of 10,000 butterflies in flight, or the scent of a million orchids in bloom. Trust is our gift back to God, and he finds it so enchanting that Jesus died for love of it. – Brennan Manning • There are literally billions of people on the planet who live in an unimaginable poverty that’s not in any way different from the plight of the people in Orchid. And you can’t have the splendor of Rodeo Drive without the sweatshops of Indonesia; those two things go hand in hand. – Tom Morello • There have been 50 or 60 books written about Empress Orchid, but none of them bothered to really examine the period in China when she lived. I was taught that she was evil; it’s in all the textbooks. – Anchee Min • Tightly-plotted, well-researched and beautifully drawn, this book is a real delight. Garen Ewing’s mix of engaging characters, exciting old-school adventure, attractive ligne claire artwork and fluid storytelling makes The Rainbow Orchid easily one of the best graphic novels of the year. – Bryan Talbot • To rise above treeline is to go above thought, and after, the descent back into bird song, bog orchids, willows, and firs is to sink into the preliterate parts of ourselves. – Gretel Ehrlich • We humans think we are smart, but an orchid, for example, knows how to produce noble, symmetrical flowers, and a snail knows how to make a beautiful, well-proportioned shell. Compared with their knowledge, ours is not worth much at all. We should bow deeply before the orchid and the snail and join our palms reverently before the monarch butterfly and the magnolia tree. The feeling of respect for all species will help us recognize the noblest nature in ourselves. – Nhat Hanh • What is the pattern that connects the crab to the lobster and the primrose to the orchid, and all of them to me, and me to you? – Gregory Bateson • When I was fourteen, my father decided to initiate me into the ways of manhood, and took me to the local whorehouse. The woman spread her legs, and made me look between them. All I could see was something that looked like a dyin’ orchid; consequently, I have never been comfortable around women or orchids. – Tennessee Williams • When speech comes from a quiet heart, it has the strength of the orchid, and the fragrance of rock. – Stephen Mitchell • When two friends understand each other totally, the words are soft and strong like an orchid’s perfume. – Sara Jeannette Duncan • When we stopped to rest and Tony tried to figure out what was wrong with his compass, I asked him what he thought it was about orchids that seduced humans so completely that they were compelled to steal them and worship them and try to breed new and specific kinds of them and then be willing to wait for nearly a decade for one of them to flower. – Susan Orlean • While PANTONE 18-3224 Radiant Orchid, the captivating 2014 color of the year, encouraged creativity and innovation, Marsala enriches our mind, body and soul, exuding confidence and stability. – Leatrice Eiseman • While the 2013 color of the year, PANTONE 17-5641 Emerald, served as a symbol of growth, renewal and prosperity, Radiant Orchid reaches across the color wheel to intrigue the eye and spark the imagination. – Leatrice Eiseman • You like orchids?… Nasty things. Their flesh is too much like the flesh of men, their perfume has the rotten sweetness of corruption. – William Faulkner • You send me all these roses. Every time I think the last bouquet has arrived, finally, another turns up. I’m running out of vases. I didn’t know roses came in so many colors. You say they’re the perfect symbols of love because they have thorns and love is pain. I say life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something. And you don’t get it. You say you love me, but you don’t speak my language. You don’t even realize I’m an orchid girl. – Erin Morgenstern • You’re a quiet, beautiful woman in a loud, ugly place. An orchid among weeds. You define obvious. – Lynn Viehl

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equitiesstocks · 5 years

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Orchid Quotes

Official Website: Orchid Quotes

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americanhorrorstorynews · 7 years

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JULY 24, 20179:23am PT by Jackie Strause the hollywood reporter

‘American Horror Story: Cult’: Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters’ Characters Revealed

Ryan Murphy called the pair’s relationship “a love story for the ages.”

American Horror Story is tackling the 2016 presidential election through the eyes of a cult, but it will also feature an epic love story between the anthology’s starring two players.

Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters, who have starred in every season of Ryan Murphy’s FX anthology series, are playing lovers for the second season in a row in American Horror Story: Cult, the showrunner revealed on Sunday.

Frequent Murphy leading lady Paulson is playing “Ally” and Peters will be seen as a character named Kai for “his heaviest season yet,” the showrunner had said in a Twitter Q&A. In response to a fan question about Peters’ role in the season, which premieres Sept. 5, Murphy said plainly, “More Evan you will get.” Murphy also revealed that the 11-episode season will be set in Michigan, a key state in the election results.

Murphy, who has been taking to his Instagram account to drop hints on the premise and developing cast of the upcoming season, shared a sketch of the pair’s characters on Sunday. The drawing features Peters’ character with blue hair — proving that the previous tease of a man in blue is in fact of the leading man.

“Ally and Kai in CULT…a love story for the ages,” Murphy captioned the drawing on Instagram.

Ally and Kai are the first character details revealed by Murphy. While the co-stars have stepped into many roles over the course of the franchise — Paulson has played seven, with two of her characters making cameos on subsequent seasons, and Peters, six — the two had never been linked up romantically until Roanoke. The sixth season featured featured Paulson and Peters as a married pair of actors who fell in love on set, much to the delight of viewers of the longtime franchise.

Both Paulson and Peters had shared their excitement when finding out about the season-seven election theme, saying the mystery is half the fun of the show. “American Horror Story pushes the buttons,” said Peters of tackling the current social climate. “It makes you think and it will be interesting to see how people react.“

Following the trail blazed by Roanoke’s strategic marketing, Murphy planned a big reveal when he announced the title and dropped the first teaser for Cult. A Comic-Con activation sent fans toAHS7.com, where viewers are now encouraged to join the cult and play along for eight weeks of clues.

The following day, the first official promo for the season arrived, unveiling the terrifying clown and monster creations Murphy has been alluding to on social media. "Do you ever feel alone? Does it seem like no one really understands you? Do some people just make you sick? Are you afraid?” asks the clip, which shows images of what look like Twisty-inspired clowns gathering in cult-like formation. The clip continues, “We can set you free. We will make you strong. We want you."

Of the election theme, Murphy told THRhe planned to highlight "people who don’t have a voice in our culture — people who are ignored by the current administration and who are afraid and feel terrorized that their lives are going to be taken away.”

Joining Paulson and Peters in Cult are returning players Frances Conroy, Mare Winningham, Adina Porter and Cheyenne Jackson; and newcomers Colton Haynes, Billie Lourd, Billy Eichner, Leslie Grossman and Alison Pill. Lena Dunham will also be appearing in one episode.

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krissysbookshelf · 7 years

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Free Ebooks (6/4/17)

PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THE FREE PRICING IS ONLY A SPECIAL FOR THE DIGITAL FORMAT OF THE BOOK THAT IS LISTED AND IS ONLY AVAILABLE FOR A LIMITED TIME, SO BE SURE TO PURCHASE THE E-BOOKS BEFORE THE PRICE RETURNS TO ITS NORMAL LISTING. (Unless you want to buy them at full price:)

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Breadcrumbs: A Collection of Spiritual and Philosophical Essays by Francis J. Shaw: Feeling stuck? Need a short read to get some inspiration to seek new perceptions? Join me on some adventures. In Breadcrumbs, you will meet some familiar friends and perhaps make some new ones. There’s no need to pack. All you need is what every story asks of us—to be open to all the possibilities.