#Internalized misogynoir

[pinkieloveheartpastel]

tw: antiblackness, internalized misogynoir, death mention:

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Nothing pisses me off more than a black person encouraging harmful stereotypes of black people.

I will never forget having to educate an (older at that) black woman online because she insisted (while being a piece of shit and saying all kinds of insulting shit towards feminine black women) that black women couldn’t be soft and dainty and vulnerable, that we had to be tough and strong and basically feel nothing.

I told her that this does not help whatsoever because this is the kind of mindset that gets black people in hospitals KILLED. Not to mention this kind of mindset is misogynoir 101. Thinking that black people can’t be complex and diverse. There is still this idea that black people are so strong that they can’t feel pain, which, of course, goes right back to SLAVERY!!!!

Of course she didn’t want to listen. I just ended it there, but this is a perfect example of black people hurting other black people. Just because you are black doesn’t mean you can’t perpetuate antiblackness. Everyone needs to do their part in changing shit for the better. Everyone.

Stop this. This pains me so much. Get rid of the Strong Black Woman trope for good and please, I beg you, have some fucking sense. I do not want to sit here educating someone who should already know what it’s like to be black out here in this world. Black people continue to lose their life because of this ignorant shit.

I’ve said this before, and I will continue to say this. I don’t care how many times I’ve said it, I will say it until I’m blue in the face.

[cantstayawaycani]

Going through the spock x uhura tag and seeing the anti-black hatred being spewed towards the beautiful actress portraying Uhura because she has darker skin, more "ethnic" features and short hair is so sickening to me. And it appears to be coming from women of color.

Wow. The colorism is hateful and nasty.

[bohemian-nights]

One of the(many) things that bugs me about this fandom when it comes to Nettles is how even mentioning her relationship with Daemon is considered “reducing” her role to just being that of his "love interest.” This idea is ridiculous to me because it’s promoting the same thing that they accuse Nettles x Daemon shippers of(aka stripping down her characterization).

Yes, Nettles is her own independent character with her own story that ends and begins outside of Daemon, but he is a part of her story.

Her relationship with him is just as important as being an orphan bastard (non-Valyrian) girl from Driftmark, the only dragonrider of Sheepstealer(and probably the last dragonrider for 200 years), or a fire witch to the Burned Men. All those aspects make Nettles Nettles. She is more than one thing and romantic love doesn’t detract from it. It only adds another layer to her characterization.

[bookishfeylin]

I felt this article in my soul. Essentially: featurism glorifies Eurocentric standards of beauty (that is, the obsession with light hair and light eyes and thin noses) and it's something we still need to work on.

[slowtides]

"We cannot live without our lives" || Combahee River Collective members march in a memorial to 11 women of color murdered in the Boston area (1979). Photograph by Tia Cross via Verso

[mod-doodles]

Makes me sick that rather than sympathize with Francesca. Those foolish and insecure black women really act like we should only uplift darkskin model types or eurocentric light skins/biracial looking black women. To them the only way for black woman to exist in media—because god forbid black women do anything as individuals, no it’s always up to us to represent the entire race—is if we’re extraordinary beauties without reproach. And it’s crazy making because these same people will advocate for the representation for dark skin unambiguous black women on screen and in media but then throw fits when she isn’t ryan destiny or some extraordinarily beautiful model. As if they themselves aren’t regular looking black women! like what happened to representation? Plus they act like being on their ‘best behaviour’ and shitting on themselves and the community is going to get them somewhere with these racists when the reality is that the racists have zero points and are demons from hell who hate everything to do with blackness and want us to feel shame and hatred for our very existence. Being a massive coon isn’t going to get them to like you because in the grand scheme of things they might kill you last but they’ll still kill you is the point. It’s so disgusting because seemingly socially aware black women are part of the ones cooning out and projecting their insecurities on a girl who looks like 90% of black women around the world. They’re pathetic and I can’t believe we went from that whole black girl magic era to this. Normal black girls being bullied worldwide for daring to exist. This whole thing and the fact that it’s gone on so long has really hurt me and I can’t even imagine what the actress is going through. Especially since a good chunk of the racists will never see the show but just want to comment on her looks. Kudos on her for not quitting (side eying her costar because it’s one thing not to say something but another to leave up thousands of racially motivated hate comments against ur costar on your account but it’s not like he defended his own mixed gf so he’s trash anyway) but it’s still so rough. Getting it from all sides especially the ones who look like you is so demoralizing and I know a lot of black women in the industry are standing up for her but still. I would be beside myself.

I believe this is a failing on the natural hair movement because featurism and texturism reigned supreme. Women are talking about natural hair makes you look childish- what!?!

[queerafricans]

This Arab is Queer: My intersectionality was my biggest bully

[misespinas]

Recently I’ve begun reading Frantz Fanon and found his theory on gender related to race in Black Skin, White Masks (1952) to be disturbing.

He has two chapters in the book I will focus on, one titled “The Woman of Color and the White Man,” the second “The Man of Color and the White Woman.” It should be noted, he does almost exclusively focus on the relations between the black people of Martinique/Antilles and their French colonizers.

“The Woman of Color and the White Man” is extremely prescriptive and critical of black women for their apparent attraction to white men. His point of reference for this is Mayotte Capécia’s I Am a Martinican Woman (1948). Capécia’s work is rampant with colorism and has been widely criticized for its descriptions of internalized black inferiority.

Fanon would describe that “It is commonplace in Martinique to dream of whitening oneself magically as a way of salvation,” and claims that “a lot of girls from Martinique, students in France, [...] confess in lily-white innocence that they would never marry a black man.” Fanon speaks of black women as though they are children, writing in a patronizing tone, “[black Martinican women] too one day will realize that ‘white men don’t marry black women.’” He writes with a tone which conveys that black women are not capable of being attractive. On top of this, his belief seems to be that black women only have one real job, “to whiten the race.”

Fanon is insecure in his manhood and believes he cannot be a complete man as a white man is capable of.

In “The Man of Color and the White Woman,” the descriptions of the black men are far less judgemental. He writes, “between these white breasts that my wandering hands fondle, white civilization and worthiness become mine.” Even if we focused on less sexual descriptions (there are several within the chapter), Fanon wrote, “By loving me, [a white woman] proves to me that I am worthy of white love. I am loved like a white man.”

It is evident that Fanon views women as tools, but their worth differs depending on their race. He claims this is not unique, later in the chapter explaining that “with Antillean men we learned that their main preoccupation on setting foot in France was to sleep with a white woman. [...] this ritual of initiation into ‘authentic’ manhood.”

Black women have the purpose of procreation according to Fanon, while white women have the purpose of sexual pleasure. A black woman cannot be sexually enjoyed, and a white woman cannot mother his children.

[thecolorsfucked]

unironically now that i am into season 17 of greys anatomy like ppl are just haters like shonda is doing things

[mcondance]

would i be wrong to say i’m still upset abt yesterday

[pinkieloveheartpastel]

TW: slavery, internalized misogynoir, antiblack caricatures and stereotypes, antiblackness, rape mention, word ‘lame’ used:

I don’t like TikTok at all. I think it’s very trash, very toxic, but this video talking about this topic is very important.

EVERYTHING IS TRACED BACK TO SLAVERY.

[homosexualprude]

I’m not a Beyoncé fan but this is a weird ass title. I get critiquing celebrities (Bey definitely needs it). This is ridiculous, though, considering the video is actually about her lyrics being full of desires for male validation. 

A Pick Me originally meant a woman who harmed and demeaned other women for get male validation, as in “not like other girls, I’m one of the guys.” Wanting male validation doesn’t mean you’re automatically a Pick Me. 

The songs she analyzed: Crazy in Love, Upgrade U, Suga Mama, Dangerously In Love, Cater 2 U, and Soldier. 

Crazy in Love: No lyrics where she compares self to other women and demeans them. 

Upgrade U: “You need a real woman in your life (that's a good look)” and possibly “Ran by the men, but the women keep the tempo”

Suga Mama: No lyrics where she compares self to other women and demeans them.

Dangerously in Love: No lyrics where she compares self to other women and demeans them.

Cater 2 U: No lyrics where she compares self to other women and demeans them.

Soldier: No lyrics where she compares self to other women and demeans them.

Women are expected to serve men as a way to “earn” material and emotional sustenance. Beyoncé's music, in my opinion, is more reflective of this phenomenon than Pick Me behavior. Patriarchy expects every woman to do something to get picked. Pick Mes stand out in social discourse because of their belief that other women don’t deserve being picked as much as they do, which turn means that the Pick Me believes other women are less worthy people. 

All of these songs undoubtedly have catering to men in common, but only Upgrade U demonstrates real Pick Me shit. “A real woman” in the song’s context is a woman who has her own money. And the other lyric from a few lines down, “Ran by the men...” This sounds like a precursor to Girlboss Feminism. The song’s logic asserts that a real woman holds her own alongside men. But this is a problem when women are denied material resources because of their status as women. It’s essentially an implied pull up your bootstraps narrative. 

Suga Mama is the other song that mentions Bey’s own financial abundance. Unlike Upgrade U, it doesn’t imply that other women can’t do the same. It’s “I want to be yours, so I want to materially provide for you.” And we can criticize that narrative. The speaker in the song is in Girlboss World so she’s doing her best to seek gender equity by questioning roles in an opposite-sex relationship. But when women are forced to financially depend on men even today, it’s unreflective of what gender equity would look like in real-world relationships. 

Soldier, Dangerously in Love, and Crazy in Love all talk about romantic dependencies that exist to the speaker’s detriment. All she knows is that she feels good and thus cannot break away. Women are taught to stand by men even after being “picked.” We’re told men are the key to fulfilment and that if we lose men, we lose all that’s worth having in the world. 

Anyway, I know it was likely a clickbait title but it doesn’t feel appropriate in any sense. Beyoncé was cheated on by a man 12 years her senior. This is a feminist issue because she’s relinquishing power to a man despite Girlboss World narratives claiming she’s in complete control. And it’s a problem that her music has helped normalize wanting male validation. But calling her a Pick Me, and the “Ultimate” one, no less... Hell no. Let’s talk about Ghislaine Maxwell.

[andsheoverthinks]

‘female solidarity’

why do this specific group of black-male-obsessed white women have an throbbing hate boner for black women existing? for reference, these are unprovoked comments on a hair video.

you win, Jessica. congrats. white women are more desirable in America. do you want a gold sticker, too?

i just hope it’s worth it. leave black women out of your mess please, othello and desdemona.

[starlooove]

The reason y’all are so confused and baffled by fannita is that you still refuse to acknowledge how bad fatphobia is

[justalittlesolarpunk]

Happy International Women’s Day. Reminder that this day emerged out of labour organising and it’s not about celebrating girlbosses or any whitewashed corporate feminism. It’s about equal pay for equal work, full bodily autonomy, the liberation of queer and trans women, sex work decrim, fairly shared domestic labour, global decolonisation, fighting misogynoir, an end to sexual harassment and rape culture, a society that actually supports those trying to raise children, fair representation of women across all sectors and positions in society, media and stories that don’t cast women as passive and useless. Reminder that patriarchy is inextricably linked with the forces currently wreaking such destruction on nature and the environment, that a green future is a feminist future and a feminist future is a green future. From Greta Thunberg to Leah Namugerwa to Christiana Figueres, Mikaela Loach, Xiye Bastida and Nemonte Nenquimo, women are powerful and important voices across our movement, leading the way and demanding the change we need because they understand that it’s all connected.

[nightswithkookmin]

3D SLAYS WITH JACK HARLOW

I'm not here to tell anyone how to feel but I'm just saying Jackie killed those bars.

I don't want to get into this whole debate over whether or not Jack Harlow's verse was offensive because Jack is for the black girlies and the queers and I'm black and queer. Let's leave it there

And frankly I was too busy deciphering all the Easter eggs and black and white themes and weirdly familiar lyrics and all the diversity in there to notice anything off with Jack.

He's a white guy in a predominantly black space who is not only aware of this but is also less misogynoire-cist than a lot of these gay hating black rappers out here. I'll take Harlow over any day because I ain't tryna hear another homophobic rapper with internalized racism make caricature of black women and call it music.

Yall hate misogynists, I hate homophobic misogyny targeted at black queer women specifically even more and to me Jack is far from that. So may be there's a conflict of interest here somewhere caused by my intersecting identities.

And as a feminist I have a problem endorsing the slut shaming of men just as much as I disagree with the slut shaming of women.

How are we shaming this man over openly talking bout thoting.

And it's crazy cos we all be put here drooling over BTS openly talking bout wanting to be choked to death by these boys but God forbid a grown man says in his songs he is polyamorous.

Equality of genders means we can not slut shame men from expressing their sexual desires any more than we can slut shame women.

And 2023, monogamy isn't the only valid relationship model. Why does this feel like monogamy is the new heteronormativity?

And it's not as if he's glamorizing cheating on a partner, or drugs or gun violence.

I feel we've been fighting misogyny and objectification of women by men for so long we can't even tell what a healthy expression of male desire looks like.

I think Jack is so real for those lyrics. Some men and even women do like to fantasize about getting with different women. And having female attention really is form of validation for lots of men. For a lot of them it's deeply tied to their self worth.

Women will always be the object of desire for straight men. But that don't mean any time they talk about that subject that they are objectifying women. That's like saying men hurt women for pounding them at night- sex is not inherently oppressive. It's the lack of consent, and the treating women as if all we are good for is sex that makes it oppressive.

As long as he isn't berating women calling us slurs or promoting the objectification of women he and I are good.

From where I sit all I heard was a man discussing and bragging about his insatiable lust- for that I'll recommend he speaks to his therapist. Jesus can't help him.

He has an appetite. We shouldn't slut shame him for that. Misandry is not how we are going to fix misogyny.

If a girl sang the same lyrics we would be tweaking right about now.

Plus these lyrics are even pretty tame in comparison. Lmho. Jack has always been vulgar and explicit. Jack's personality to me is why I like him to be frank. He's pushed for visibility and acceptance of the gay community more than any non queer rapper you can think of.

As far as his talent as a rapper goes- I only care about his songs when he's featuring lil Nas X or Jungkook

I'm just gonna have to throw him back to yall

BUT PLEASE LEAVE 3D ALONE.

PLEASE AND THANK YOU.