#Is this meta?

[brainwormcity]

We all know there's a fat erasure problem with Good Omens art and photo edits. We've gotta stop being afraid to let them have skin folds, stretch marks and soft bellies but another thing we don't talk about is how important it is leaving them their wrinkles, their eye bags and their imperfections of age. It's part of their beauty but it also signifies something incredibly important, in my opinion.

Part of what makes Crowley and Aziraphale such unique and wonderful examples of representation, is that they're not perfect, model-like young adults. Middle aged queer characters are so important because queer elders as a whole are so rare. The world's respective governments significantly failed queer folks during the AIDS crisis in the 80s and as a result, older queer couples, especially mlm or masc presenting couples aren't particularly prevalent in media, and having that example is a strange little beacon of hope.

So please, let Crowley have his forehead wrinkles and let Aziraphale keep his eye bags. Not only are they lovely, notable parts of their appearance but they symbolize something larger than just that. Let these old, alt, soft, queer man-shaped beings be just that.

[ineffable-baker-street]

it's the fact that crowley became more protective of aziraphale after he thought he lost him in the fire.

he experienced what it would feel like to lose him and he knew he never wanted to go through that again, so in season two he does everything he can to keep him from harm.

he threatens and he fights and he leaves only to return just as quickly, and he makes the promise "i won't leave you on your own" because the last time he left in anger he came back to find that aziraphale was gone.

and if he has to experience that heartwrenching grief that had him sobbing on the floor of a flaming bookshop ever again then what would be the point of it all?

[mensahbots]

there's a new q&a on youtube with martha wells at vbz books in croatia (a publishing company) that is great. they asked some really thoughtful questions, and it was awesome how much ground was covered. but i am here of course to relay the mensahbot-relevant bits ^^

according to wells, murderbot is now its human friends' equal, but it took time to get to that point. i interpreted this as meaning that the humans and murderbot see each other as equals And that circumstances around their dynamics have changed such that things are more equitable between them, since we see suggestions of that in the text. it was nice to hear that either way, wells sees them as equals, because i think there are some doubts in fanon. i think a lot of its "accepting/embracing my own personhood" arc, how its humans accommodate and fight for it, and its ever-evolving relationships with them in book canon illustrate this in a lovely way, personally

she also mentioned that initially, the preservation humans (mensah included) were afraid of it and had to overcome that (i think we see implication mensah feels some lingering guilt about that in "home," which i think is a nice element to their dynamic, especially for the post-exit strategy era). specifically, she said they were afraid at first but "built so much trust," which is just so lovely. at another point, wells described how murderbot and humans have to make more effort to understand and connect with each each other than, say, murderbot and art, who have more innate ability to connect. i really like this element of the story, because i think it makes murderbot's closeness with its preservation human friends that much more meaningful! especially mensah's ability to make it feel understood and cared for, which i think the narrative paints as a big deal for murderbot and for her. likewise, i think how attuned it is to mensah is that much more meaningful with this framing

wells also said amena sees murderbot as "her mom's dumb friend" and "this person her mom loves" :3

[pastorfutureletthembe]

I still think this is relevant.

[korpsewax]

theres such a fundamental misunderstanding of hickeygibson and their motivations for the worst things they did to each other.

billy told irving what he did because he thought it would protect both him AND hickey from getting lashed, or worse. he knew that irving would want to preserve his dignity, so he said hickey was blackmailing and coercing him. was it fucked up? yeah, but he did it to protect both of them.

hickey killed billy because he wanted to protect him from the harsh, painful death he would've experienced due to scurvy. he was a bit fucked up in how he did it, yes, but he saw it as a mercy. he was sparing the man he loved from a slow and agonizing death by giving him a swift one.

they were trying to protect each other. did they go about it in fucked up ways? yes. but that doesn't take away from the fact that the worst things they did to each other were done out of love and a desire to protect the other. to say that they didn't love each other is doing a disservice to the very writing of the characters. these are two men who are trying to navigate loving each other in a world that wants to kill them for it. they're both fucked up in their own way which results in them going about this love in some fucked up ways, but at the end of the day, they love each other.

[justfrolikin]

Shiguang's domestic bliss : an Asian perspective

For most of us Asians...the image of 'love' looks quite peculiar. While the traditional 'romantic' stuff is still prevalent in our culture, it's relatively modern. In Asian households, 'love' has always taken priority over 'romance'. Let me explain.

In Shiguang's case, they never got that 'feeling nervous around each other', 'butterflies in stomach' love. Instead what they get? They get the 'bickering with each other', 'call each other nicknames', 'doing each other favours', 'comfort each other without sharing a word' love. They live in each other's presence without a doubt in mind about the other's loyalty. Needless to say, that's very reminiscent of an old married couple who have passed the 'honeymoon phase' way back. Except, Shiguang never had that honeymoon phase.

I think, to get the most out of my perspective, I need to give some more cultural context:

As Asians, we:

Are not very big on PDA

Most of still prefer arranged marriage, as most of us value partnership between spouses than typical romance stuff anyway.

More than feelings, we prefer cooperation between partners. Also, we heavily condone divorces(bad thing, I know) meaning we,like Shiguang,value 'partnership for life'.

(hilariously Shiguang's 'partnership' parallels a 'arranged marriage scenario very well XD)

They demonstrate a bond that only come with living together for a long term, sharing life with each other. A kind kind of fondness that grows with time. It is showcased in season two when CXS was told lg was dead, instead of recalling some grand sentimental moment, recalls all the little moments of lg (affectionately) reprimanding cxs. I don't know if I can call it 'romantic',but it definitely comes across as extremely domestic.

As someone who lives with my family, my parents interactions are very interesting to observe keeping this context in mind. They undoubtedly love and care for each other, but don't leave a single opportunity to criticize and mock(playfully) each other. Does that sound familiar?

Moreover, 'loyalty' and 'trust' are the most important values that are cherished among couples.

So if someone says, 'shiguang have zero romantic chemistry ' maybe we need to keep in mind that maybe 'romance' can mean different things in different contexts. It's something only the people who are experiencing the relationship can tell.

I know that's not what the director intended, but I think we can experience and expand our perceptions while engaging in a piece of media. Shiguang may not be a romantic couple, but they live like one, and their bond is not any lesser because of it.

I could've said a lot of things but my thoughts are all jumbled up now. I know there are a lot of things to talk about Link Click, but let's be honest , Shiguang is at the heart of it and I'll not get tired of talking about them.

Anyway, feel free to share your thoughts :)

[littlevices]

What is this man!? Or: Me Overthinking Reigen's Fighting Ability, lol

Reigen Arataka. 28 years old. Used to be a normal salaryman. Runs Spirits and Such Consultations and is the self-proclaimed "Greatest Psychic of the Twenty-First Century.

Where did he learn to dropkick a bitch?

No, seriously. Where did he learn half the shit he does. Sure, you can explain his punches as something he can learn with his green belt, but not the fact that not only did he dropkick someone, he rebounded and landed on his feet. That is almost some Dimple level acrobatics for someone without any supernatural abilities or enhancements.

Sure, we can chalk it up to anime logic all we want, but that's not as fun, so I'm going to ramble and overthink instead. (As I do.)

Disclaimer: Some spoilers for later events in the show.

Okay, so. Reigen has a surprisingly large repertoire of skills. Some of this I can chalk up to his family life.

His father is apparently a local politician/civil servant, his mother a housewife, and his sister a bank employee.

Clearly Reigen gets his speech skills from his father, and maybe some of his other tricks, like using rice as glue, may even be from his mother. Granted I'm probably stretching that a bit. He could have just as easily learned that from trying to save money, lol.

We also know he didn't fit in while in school, which, as we all know, can lead to instances of bullying. Whether that bullying is physical or not, who knows. All I've seen looking around is that he apparently got skipped over when it came to games and stuff, but there could have been more to it.

Where am I going with this? You'll see.

So, the green belt. We know from season one that Reigen specifically says he has a green belt in shorinji kenpo. Now, I will be the first to admit I don't know much of anything about martial arts on a deep level. I can, however, do some quick research *cough* google *cough* (Do you think Reigen would be proud of me, lol).

According to what I've found, a green belt in a number of martial arts can be anywhere from beginner to a beginner-intermediate or even intermediate level. It depends on the martial art of course, but I think also the school. The same seems to apply to what I could find on shorinji kenpo. Or Kempo, because that's what I keep finding, someone please correct me if need be. I think people have also called it Xiaolin Martial Arts, which I also took a brief look at, but the concept appears similar there as well. Now, let's give Reigen the benefit of the doubt considering what we've seen him actually do, and assume the man went to a pretty decent school. A green belt is clearly not a master level or even a high level belt. If anything, though, this means the man can handle a regular petty thug just fine, and we've seen that. The seance scene in season 1 by itself proves that easily.

However, it's the other stuff that makes me wonder.

Again, this man drop kicked a dude, an esper that was currently using his power by the way, then rebounded off him to land on his feet. Beyond the dropkick itself, which from what I understand is impractical in a fight, he also rebounded. Rebounding can be hard to do off a stationary object, let alone a person. Yet here Reigen is, doing it causally off an esper that controls gravity.

His punches are also pretty damn devastating. Again, he can knock people out. He did this during the seance, but then tried it on Muraki. While he didn't knock him out, he definitely did some damage.

Not only would he need to be strong to do this, he'd also need to be fast. He's also fast enough that someone like Suzuki had to make a clone of himself to dodge Reigen's fist, rather than block or just dodge it normally. Either Suzuki was feeling extra that day (much to Sho's chagrin) or Reigen caught him off guard enough he actually had to use his powers.

This brings me to the next point.

Reigen knows how to hold a gun.

No, no. Wait, hear me out. Yes, I know it's a toy gun, but it is still a toy gun supped up on psychic energy. Not only does Reigen hold it nice and steady, he's got some damn good aim. That shot went for Suzuki's face or at least his throat.

Now, granted, I hear airsoft is a popular past time in Japan, so maybe that's where some of it comes from, which is still pretty neat.

He also didn't hesitate to shoot. One look at Mob and he pulled the trigger. Suzuki got one warning before that, and he didn't even get the chance to defy it before Reigen shot. Now, Reigen is a smart man, he probably figured the gun wouldn't work, but damn if he didn't try. Honestly, he was probably panicking and kicking himself on the inside, but he certainly didn't show it.

There's also the fact that, when you look, Reigen almost always instinctively knows to protect his head and neck when he gets thrown around. It's probably the most obvious in the Mogami fight when he gets picked up and slammed, but you can see it in the final episode as well when getting flung around by ???'s tornado.

This man has either gotten enough sparring that he knows to do this on instinct, or he's been in enough scraps that he's had no choice but to learn or get concussed. Also, in the Mogami arc, Reigen tries to stop Mogami (in Minor's body) by kicking him in the head. Mogami was moving very fast, but Reigen's kick did land.

Too bad it was Mogami and not any one else because it might have worked.

He also knows a couple knee strikes, which again was used on a moving target.

Now, let's step back and bring up Reigen's family again. There's always the possibility that Reigen got his green belt young due to his father's occupation. Now, that might only apply if his father was a rather important one, but still something to consider. It could have also been in self-defense if the bullying he faced in school got physical. I personally think Reigen got his green belt at an older age, earliest highschool, but obviously there's nothing to back that up. It also makes me wonder just how many of his clients have gotten violent, because while he did flinch at the knife during the seance, he also didn't hesitate to deck the dude.

This doesn't even bring up the fact that Reigen knows all kinds of massage techniques (I heard that his family wanted him to be a massage therapist, but I don't know if it was said where that information came from), psychology, his ability to cold read people, and everything else this man does.

Granted, a lot of his effectiveness comes from him being smart and charismatic. This man is a manipulator and thank god he's got morals because holy hell the damage he could do being able to manipulate Mob.

Or the damage Mob could do if anything serious happened to Reigen. >.>;

All in all, I think Reigen has gotten into way more scraps than is suggested. I feel as if he might have had a rougher life at school than what little hints we've gotten. That whole thing with the Separation Arc felt kind of like him projecting onto Mob, but I could be wrong. Personally, I headcanon Reigen as being something of a truant and/or delinquent (or at least a gremlin) when he was younger, but that's just me, lol. I do think he's had a rougher go of it than he likes to tell, though.

I know I didn't cover absolutely everything here, like Shimazaki, and that there's probably more context or something in the manga, but this post was already long enough and I haven't read the manga in full yet so apologies if there is missing context.. If you made it to the end of this post, I want to both thank you, but also apologize for my long winded rambling, lol. I just - Have no idea what to make of Reigen and all that he does. It doesn't help that a lot of his backstory is fairly non-existent. We only know tidbits about this conman, but I guess that's part of what makes him interesting.

Well, hopefully you had fun reading this post as much as I had making it. I know most of this can probably be just anime logic, but I had looking into it at least! If this wasn't a world of espers, Reigen would probably fairly formidable in a fight, on a physical level anyway. He's already like that on several others already, lol. This sweaty rat just always seems to grab my attention. . .

[veifei]

notes on veifei and reciprocation of the gaze

(or, rethinking the PVS as taking place After yingdu, and thinking about vein and xf looking at each other, basically. is this even anything)

- xia fei's PV — in a post Yingdu context we see 'influencer' xf, the news report at YE6 refers to him as such, prior to that he's just a part time model:

- liu xiao's appearance in XF PV is transactional; conversely vein's appearance doesn't have that implication — its one sided; vein gazes upon XF with a smirk/smile, a look of (personal) interest

- what's the point of showing this scene?

- POST yingdu context/interpretation — vein is overseeing/watching over (an unaware) XF? Amusement? (endearment?) (veifei stonks are UP because xf would have to have really captured vein's attention for him to still be looking at him 'beyond the grave'/from the shadows)

- other instances of the (un)reciprocated gaze? the ED; vein looking towards the light, XF looking out towards the rain; the first meeting in which there is a reciprocal gaze (tho really the focus/framing is on vein looking down at XF); XF 'looking up to vein' in the metaphorical sense (what he says to shiguang in bahati), gazing up at the clocktower (which vein is atop of in the OP)

- XF is Unaware of vein's gaze, but looks at him/up to him regardless; vein is Aware of XF's gaze, and does seem to gaze back (reciprocation of the gaze)

- the role of surveillance -- suggesting control/dominance (vein's PV, and his appearance in XF's) - but we see XF's 'self surveillance' in his PV too - submission/acceptance/...reciprocation? A 'please watch me' - XF is looking For vein/looking AT vein -> what he does ("i got nothing left to lose / all i do is pursue") is for vein's return(ed gaze)

[lokifarbautison]

(MCU) Loki and Autism.

Alright so, I want to talk about Loki and his autistic coding. Now I won't give much credit to the russo brothers since they made it very clear they don't particularly like Loki as an individual or character..

Anyway, Loki has always been different from the other asgardians. He never had friends of his own, he didn't have people he could really connect with, he was just different.

But that's not all that I want to talk about- I feel like his powers specifically his illusions come into play in this as well. Also his lying.

Okay, so, we know that autistic individuals tend to mask to fit in with society because they're not really accepted if they don't. (Society sucks.) Loki is never really accepted as himself- if he is faking being someone/thing else and people don't yet know of him/his intentions he's more accepted. I feel like it's a form of masking. Playing a role to be accepted. He lies his way through life, uses illusions to mask his true intentions and desires, his true self.. yet people can tell something is slightly off..

He still can't really fit in. Until he meets people like him such as Mobius. He can find connection through similarities although not voiced out loud. (Yes, I believe Mobius is autistic. With Loki and Jet Skis being his special interests) There's just that connection that they have- even at the start when they were enemies and trying to manipulate each other, they had some sort of connection. (Just my opinion though)

[chaoortu]

listen i know i yap a lot about nick and neurodiversity in my fics but it's like. every time i reread heartstopper it really jumps out at me and i'll probably reblog this again with more thoughts as i continue my reread but like.

it strikes me as interesting that despite the fact that nick gets called a chav pretty early on by tao, we never actually see nick acting that way on page. i think the show does a good job at showing how nick has sort of chameleoned himself and stuffed his real personality down but the show is a topic for a different post. in the webcomic we see it once when charlie is teasing him about being laddish and nick decides to act that way for a laugh. on one hand, i chalk this up to most of the early webcomic/heartstopper in general being in Charlie's pov. he wouldn't have noticed these things about Nick because they didn't really notice each other until their meet cute, which is realistic. I think it also speaks well to Charlie's character that he takes who Nick is at face value and challenges Tao's opinion of him. but what jumps out at me is that in harry's birthday party we sort of see the first instance of nick's "meaner" side and it's in the context of defending Charlie. Still! The first instance of this really sunshiney character taking quite a big turn!

But notice how the dig isn't personal? These are all observations about Harry that can be deduced in the context of the material before it. That is to say, despite being friends with Harry since he was like 11, Nick keeps it simple. It reminds me a lot of how you correct a dog's behavior in the moment and I can go on for ages about Nick and dogs but again-- that'll be another post. What follows this really intense moment is another really intense moment when he and Charlie are alone and like yeah, they're teenagers, being teenaged is intense enough. But after their kiss, we have this panel and my God is it one of my favs:

I really love how Nick is framed with flowers in this scene because it really feels like it's him blossoming into himself in this moment where it's just him and Charlie. Charlie is shown over and over again to be Nick's safe person in comic and while they are obviously falling in love way before this, I still feel like this is the moment where Nick decides it's safe to love Charlie (I mean duh, they kiss a LOT in this episode), or rather, to hand Charlie his emotions and feel like they won't be fucked with or used against him. And that's huge! Nick wears all his feelings on his sleeves, he's not even slick about it either-- the fact that Christian, Sai, and Otis pick up on the fact that Nick has a thing for Charlie before he does speaks a lot to the fact that Nick doesn't seem very aware of how much of himself he gives away on the regular. Which again, in juxtaposition with the fact that he's perceived as a judgmental rugby lad by Tao (which, grain of salt here. I love Tao a lot but he's also quite judgmental in his own ways so this is a pot and kettle situation), and the fact that his own mother comments on the fact that he's much more himself since befriending Charlie? That's MASSIVE. I dunno. I could be projecting here but as an autistic teenager who did everything in my power to be like my peers and lowkey hated myself for it, I find this incredibly relatable. We see Nick starting to realize that a lot of his friends are dicks several times before he and Charlie kiss for the first time, and that's also relatable. It took me so long and still takes me so long to realize that people I thought were friends are actually quite shit. Again, I could be projecting but it reads very neurodivergent to me that it takes Nick being exposed to someone who is actually kind to him (Charlie) to realize that his friends aren't kind people. Insane tbh! Something else that got me is that we see Nick struggle with the fact that he really likes Charlie and wants to stay with him vs. the responsibility he feels to regroup with his friends. I don't actually think it's responsibility. I read it as Nick putting his mask back on and resuming the expectations he's been bearing since before he met Charlie and it's a visible struggle for him.

Nick, while pretty unaware of the fact that he can be read like a book, is also incredibly aware of the role he plays in his own friend group and the ways in which he has to perform. But he doesn't like it now. His early love for Charlie really puts things in perspective for him that he doesn't have to accept where he's at currently if he's unhappy and we get that moment of regret where we see that he knows he fucked up by leaving Charlie.

It looks like he's disassociating here. That, or his mind is still in that room with Charlie. It's a battle of expectations vs. what Nick wants. And Nick's wants are never Nick's first priority. He's a pathological people pleaser after all. And despite the fact that he just fully made out with another boy despite barely having figured out that he likes guys and the ethics on Charlie kissing him without asking (teenage stuff, I'm not arguing about it rn especially because this doesn't bother Nick in canon. idk why this discourse exists but maybe i was just making out too much as a teenager) The next day, Nick clears the air. Literally runs to Charlie's in the rain so they can talk it out and so he can be understood properly. He's desperate to make things right with him because 1) he's in love and 2) he cares a lot about Charlie's feelings to the point of putting them above his own later in the story. But the way he does it and the way he sort of overexplains his feelings almost constantly really strike me as neurodivergent. Nick goes above and beyond explaining how he feels to make sure nothing can be misconstrued and that really gives me the sense that Nick is... somewhat aware of the fact that people assume how he feels? Granted, this is coming off the heels of everyone saying he was in love with Tara, so maybe he felt the need to explain himself more since some people think one pre-teen kiss = fairytale love. (ignore the fact that Nick's fairytale kiss with the flowers totally equaled fairytale levels of love for him, lol.)

He literally explodes! Charlie is physically taken aback by his words. This happens right after Charlie has his big "I shouldn't have kissed you this was all my fault" etc. explosion. Which! The fact that Charlie explains how he feels down to feeling at fault and sharing that with Nick, who is very much like no.. no nO WAIT. I LIKED IT. (so much that he kisses Charlie to get him to understand that pre-explosion). And again, we sort of see Nick trying to bottle and be a bit more normal about it immediately before when Charlie tells him he's getting mixed-signals. Nick's response was to unmix the signal and then cry about it because THIS. IS. A . LOT.

For a cis-male character who is involved in a very masculine sport, surrounded by masculine people who are not nearly as emotional as he is(on page at least) the fact that Nick goes above and beyond in this moment where he's so vulnerable to ensure Charlie understands him is hugely neurodivergent to me. He's making sure Charlie gets that Nick loves him, he's making sure he gets that he's not mad about the kiss, and he makes sure Charlie knows he feels bad for leaving him behind. His bases are covered! There's no room to make assumptions about how he feels and I imagine for Charlie, a chronic overthinker, the fact that Nick is so blunt about his feelings all the time must be fucking incredible. He can actually take Nick at face value (at least at this point in the story ). But especially after Ben's gaslighting shit? Like fuck! I'd want to jump into a relationship too if the guy I've been crushing on for like two months ran to me house in the rain, kissed me, cleared the air, and then cried in my arms. I love emotional honesty! It's also interesting to me that it seems like his confusion towards his sexuality bothers him a LOT more than his feelings for Charlie do. He likes being in love with Charlie, that much obvious, but it's this conflict within himself that bugs him. And idk, I could be projecting again but I just can't see a neurotypical teenager reacting like that. To me, it really reads as Nick going. "Okay, I like kissing Charlie and being around Charlie. I'm in love, this is good. Check." but then his sexuality is a huge gray area until he does more research on bisexuality and decides that's the label he wants to use and I think the not knowing is what really bothers him. There's a lot of pressure in queer spaces especially nowadays to be labeled and for Nick, a character who buried his personality to be accepted by others, to specifically be upset at being confused about his identity reads as neurodivergent to me. Nick, by all accounts, doesn't seem to really care about his sexuality except for the way it challenges who he believed himself to be up until this point and what that means to the people around him who think he's just some straight laddish dude, you know? Largely, he also seems rather apathetic towards sexuality and gender in general except when he has to confront his sexuality and how other people will perceive him if they knew what his sexuality is-- hence keeping things between him and Charlie a secret despite the fact that he's never ever been shown to be ashamed of the fact that he loves Charlie.

Anyway, this post got way too long. Enjoy one of my favorite OCD/AUDHD moments between Nick and Charlie. THEY LITERALLY KISSED LIKE TEN MINUTES BEFORE THIS MOMENT... INSANE BEHAVIOR... I love them. The sillies.

[thewackypegasus]

one of my favorite things about how trexel is written in stellar firma is the fact that he repeatedly demonstrates that he has the capacity to change, and then he doesn't

when david is at risk of being "recycled," aka murdered, trexel opts to represent him and eventually sacrifice his (admittedly negligible) access to the cosmic lounge to keep him alive, something he has not done for clones before david as far as we know

when david explains to him that he is not, in fact, the boot stepping on people's necks, but is also negatively affected by the oppressive system that is stellar firma (even if he also contributes to it), he becomes interested in the concept of rebellion and even researches communism

at the end of the series, trexel starts to empathize with other people, a process that he finds painful—and although i hold that empathy is not essential to personal growth or to treating others well, it is a significant development in his character

but none of this actually results in trexel changing his behavior in the long term. he always reverts back to his usual bullying, abuse, and self-serving behavior.

and i actually like that about the way he is written

because, realistically, a man who has been a violently self-obsessed serial murderer for decades is not likely to change simply by virtue of having one new positive influence in his life (david 7) whom he sees for perhaps two and a half hours a week. in order to change, trexel has to want to change. we've been shown that he can! we know that, with effort, he could be a different person. a healthier, a safer, a kinder person. but he has to choose it.

and he doesn't!

and i like this both from a characterization and from a thematic perspective. from a characterization perspective, it gives trexel complete agency over his own character arc—he has to choose to have character development, and because he chooses not to change in the long term, he doesn't. the narrative does not push him in that direction against his will. it is a choice he has to make, and when he doesn't make that choice, it actually has consequences for his character within the narrative

from a thematic perspective, i think it does a good job of establishing both that no one is incapable of changing their ways and doing better by others, but that doing so is a conscious choice that requires work on the part of the person who wants to change. and if they don't do it, it won't happen! it also takes the burden off of the oppressed—in this case david—to correct the behavior of the oppressor (trexel). that is trexel's job, and trexel's job alone.

[amiraallis]

I apologize to anyone who tries to "follow along" with my comics.

I'm just here to have a good time, not "make sense" >.>

[syrena-del-mar]

An Ode to Older Siblings: New in Dead Friends Forever, Episode 9

Spoilers ahead for Dead Friend Forever Episode 9. Allusions to suicide and all other triggers that have accompanied this show will be here. Tagging @slayerkitty for the DFF Meta compilation.

Can you imagine New, who sacrificed his relationship with his little brother to make it into a university abroad with a scholarship, one that would open opportunities that Thailand did not have to offer him, having to come back on a plane ride? A minimum of 12 hours in a plane, in an airport, packed with people going on business trips and vacations, yet where nobody knows that you're going to back home to a hell that you never could have imagined? It was supposed to be a holiday for him, a chance to see his family again after months of being apart.

But instead, his baby brother was now missing. The same baby brother that had given up on having any semblance of a relationship with him because he felt abandoned, forgotten. His little brother who would find no difference if he was abroad or not, because it's not like Tan had ever paid him any attention when he was so focused on just getting out of their home. But New was trying, extending an olive branch, hoping that Non would accept even the smallest bit of it. He'll bring him the best snacks that England has to offer, he'll listen to any problems that Non may have, even while he's thousands of miles away. But no calls ever came from his little brother's number. No, he hadn't even known that Non had gotten into trouble until his mother called him. Non's missing.

And, now he's returning home. The snacks that he had promised Non probably weighed like a ton of bricks as he carried them, they were his burden to carry. Maybe if he had been there a little more for Non, had been a little bit more present, maybe Non would have reached out. Maybe he wouldn't have had to turn to his tutor. His home is broken, but it's still a home. He's the oldest, he's the one that has to repair it when his parents can't.

He knows his mom had mentioned Non's boyfriend in passing before, even though Non had never told him directly. So he had searched through Non's belongings, looking for his number, hoping that Phee might have more information. He's doesn't, they're both at a loss. Maybe Phee didn't know Non as well as he thought he did, but New knows his brother. Non was never good with his words, never good at speaking directly of the problems he faced, but he would have left a sign, something, that might show them what demons he was facing alone.

So, he pretends that he can go back to his life in England, pretends for his parents' sake, so they don't have to worry about their only other son. But he can't, not when his little brother is out there...alone, again. He takes a leave of absence from school. Maybe it's crazy, reckless, but he puts himself back in high school. If the cops won't give him answers, then he'll get them himself. He forges his records, pretends that he was Non's same age, changes his identity. He's now Tan. A new kid that just happened to meet Phee at the office on their first day of school. Tan can charm his way into the same friend group that likely destroyed his brother. Tan can dig for the answers that nobody was willing to get.

And Phee helps, maybe he helps a little too much and little too close. For a moment, a part of New's heart breaks for his baby brother, as he sees his boyfriend get close to one of the bastards that had a hand in Non's disappearance. Maybe this is why Non always felt abandoned. So New smokes, one pack turns into hundreds more. A bad habit that he picked up with his English friends as they hit the pubs. It's the only sense of normalcy he has anymore.

He builds a makeshift lab with the money his parents wired him, nothing like the state-of-the-art equipment that he had grown accustomed to at his university, but it was enough. He researches, he experiments with the one concoction that might finally get Non's friends to tell him the truth. He's so close to perfecting it. Then his dad calls, and it feels strange. He rarely talked to his dad, it's his mom that usually calls him. Mom's dead. For a moment, he forgets that he was supposed to be in England, that he was never supposed to be in Thailand. He's not Tan anymore, he's just New. His house isn't just broken anymore, it's crumbling.

His father resents him. He's drunk and he's spitting fire, New can't blame him. Afterall, he is a liar. He lied that he was back at university, back in England. He never visited his mom when they were only miles away from each other and now she's dead as well. Was Non right all those years ago? Does he abandon everyone? He was never his dad's favorite, he knew that, but how he could he go and leave him behind too?

Now there was no broken house, no dilapidated house, no place that he called home. He couldn't fix this anymore. And he's tired, he's so tired. There's nothing for him to salvage anymore. Maybe if he takes a hit of his own concoction, he can end his pain as well. But Non... Non deserves justice and New is so scared, scared of failing him again. He wants this to end, he can't save anyone. But Phee arrives and holds him steady, lets him cling tightly to his shirt like he used to cling to his mother as a child.

Maybe he won't live for himself anymore. This all started with the bastards who were supposed to be his brother's friends. They cost him his whole family. No. he wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of destroying his home, of destroying his baby brother. He once told Non that he would steal his novel, get it sold for other people to read. Maybe it can't be sold anymore, but maybe Non's story can finally be told as Non had wished.

How could New have ever known that getting onto that plane would just be the prelude to the hell that he was about to raise? He's the oldest brother of the family, he was supposed to protect them, take his responsibility for his parents and his baby brother, but he failed. His dad was right, he wasn't a good enough son or brother, but maybe this could be the start of his atonement.

[mensahbots]

noma dumezweni (who plays mensah in the tv show) had an interview where she described her character in ways that helped me recontextualize mensah's actions in episode 3 a bit

[PreservationAux] come from a place that values emotional connection and humanity. We have chosen to be on this planet for research. She's holding the team together. She's very warm, she's very open. She listens to each individual as she's running the crew. But she's not supposed to be a fighter. She's not supposed to be in danger. Yet danger arrives. So she covers her panic attacks. She covers the stress. To be a leader, you don't put your fears onto the people that you're looking after. That's what I love about Dr. Ayda, and I loved playing her because she likes people. She likes to see the essence of the person she's talking to.

in particular, the bolded sentence, which i think a) is very mensah (and as different as book and tv mensah feel to me, i like the idea that her motivations and interiority could be very similar, particularly with respect to the character's integrity) and b) suggests mensah may have been speaking to murderbot as a perceived co-leader or equal/fellow on the team— that to her, it was someone she thought was appropriate to share those feelings with compared to characters like bharadwaj, gurathin, or pin-lee.

so maybe in mensah's mind, she isn't "looking after" secunit, it's ranked above and apart from the others. i like this angle because i think it implies mensah feels no sense of paternalism or superiority, and she also likely wasn't viewing murderbot as a mere thing to dump her feelings on either. not to mention, by episode 3, murderbot was the only person on the team who had witnessed her panicking in private. to her, the disclosures may have felt like an explanation more than putting her feelings onto it, especially after all that it had seen of her vulnerabilities already. yes i am coping, but is this not plausible?

also, in episode 4 when she's telling herself it's a machine while panicking, she might be thinking of its reaction to what she shared—that maybe her impulse to treat it as an equal and teammate was inappropriate—in her anxiety-fueled attempted justification not to help it. eg, "i don't need to save it, it's just a machine, i'm being foolish for thinking otherwise." pin-lee saying it wasn't on their team was what pushed mensah to respond and know without a doubt that she did need to help murderbot and that fear was trivial compared to the moral failure of not helping it. because i think to her, it's unquestionably a person, and she couldn't convince herself otherwise, nor could pin-lee. to mensah, it's her teammate.

the rest of the interview was also lovely. i loved hearing dumezweni reflect on her experiences on set and how positive a thing the show was for her. here are some more of her thoughts about the characters and story:

I do actually [see similarities between herself and the character]. I like people. I like saying hello. I like trying to figure out how people are feeling in a space. When I was younger, it was more about being a people pleaser. But that was a part of me, which I've now said “let's not do that.” But my curiosity about people is still there and I love that. In terms of Ayda, she has a strong sense of herself, but not of the world she's suddenly in. And that's what's so beautiful about the writing: these warm, emotionally connected people are suddenly confronted with real danger. And that’s where the tension happens. They need Murderbot, beautifully played by Alexander [Skarsgärd], to look after them. Murderbot comes into our lives and we are affected by it. And it is affected by us.

[pastorfutureletthembe]

I love YINGDU as it is

I don't think I'll read these interviews everyone is talking about :/ I thought hard about it, I've read the general points of it, but I don't think reading them will make me enjoy YINGDU more. Quite the opposite actually.

Me: thank you but no thank you. Later maybe. Love you, still.

I don't understand why they had to get interviewed to clear things up. By why, I mean, this situation is fucked up and I don't get how things got like this in this industry.

First. Can't the fans just wait and see? We're grownups, stop treating us like children who cried to get a lollipop. We'll still be here next year. Trust your fanbase.

Second... in what kind of world were the animators under pressure to the point they created plot holes and new timelines by accident? I'm extrapolating but, for real, how fucked up is it that they decided to rush a show that popular for the sake of airing it early? I'm sorry, was the money we spend on merch every few weeks not enough? I'm just mad at the production, honestly. Because they made a big mistake.

They're rushing in like bulls in a china shop. The character PVs were a mistake as well. They should have been released after YINGDU, to manage our expectations on characters that were yet to be introduced. I used to think it was an actual teaser, a window on how Lu Guang saw them or what they will become because of Lu Guang's meddling with the timeline. Now, I'm starting to think they needed strong marketing to get people's attention.

The whole thing makes my viewer experience less than optimal. So I'll keep writing meta but I won't take these interviews into account. 🧩Meta is for fun🧩, mere interpretation, only fanon, and that's okay. Meta is gamble. Meta is character study and theories on plot twists.

✨And that's okay✨

We're not suppose to write season 3 in advance. So it makes sense to me to keep having fun on what the show and the official content bring us. But as far as I'm concerned, the interviews didn't happen. It's not denial, just-

When I was studying cinema in university, my teacher once told me a very harsh truth: if you have to explain the sequence you filmed, then you didn't film it right. Sadly, in this context, production limitations were at fault but the lasting impression is the same.

Do you realize how insane it is that a creative team has to spell their work out to their fans? How humiliating it must be? There's revealing easter egg, teasing next season, spilling spoilers on accident, and then there is whatever that was. I feel for the creators and animators who worked themselves to exhaustion to bring something as beautiful as YINGDU to life. Because this season? It isn't perfect and it's inconsistent and different but no one can call it ugly. I would lick my screen because the image does look tasty lmao. My heart bleeds for all the people involved in this season.

Meta is trying to understand and noticing easter eggs, honouring the writers and animators' work X

Of course, that's only my stand on the topic. I might take different directions in my interpretation than others, that's all. Aaaaaand? Yes. That's okay 🥰

As an artist myself, I feel like the situation is kind of disappointing for the people who worked on YINGDU. That's why I'll take the canon as it is. I don't want to mourn what could be or should have been. I want to enjoy what is.

Meta is diving in the depth of symbolism X

As a fan, I get that we're happy with every nugget of information on what's coming next. The lore in Link Click is still blurry and while I honestly want to believe it is an artistic choice and will stay under control, I can't help but fear it's the result of bad writing. But. What if it is? Meh, I'm still here, enjoying myself. Because I love this show as it is, I see the flaws and the beauty in it. I'll be there.

Meta is love and each of us expresses it differently X