#It looked so much better in the desktop app ah

[cacophonylily]

[lustspren]

Paperwork ft JiU

length: 6k words✦

Dreamcatcher’s JiU & Male Reader.

genres: smut, oral, public sex, office sex, hard sex, a little bit of bdsm, dirty talk,  secretary ✧ 

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Being the CEO of a modeling agency might seem like a simple and even fun job, but it was the opposite of that. GX was internationally recognized for working with many of the fashion industry's biggest names, with over 70 active male and female models, so business meetings were a much more frequent occurrence than normal. That's not counting the immense amount of stuff and paperwork that you had to attend to every hour. The vast majority, how could it be otherwise, were about money.

You weren't complaining, it was work after all. Not to mention that the money you earned was enough for you to retire at 25 and live your whole life on it.

You raised your left wrist to see the time on your watch. 8:14 AM, your check-in time. You walked through the lobby of the building with your briefcase in one hand, a serene and refreshing expression on your face. As the director of a modeling agency you had to take very good care of your physical appearance and your image. You were wearing a beige blazer and a white shirt buttoned up to the neck, along with khaki pants and brown dress shoes. But your favorite part, and that made you feel confident, were the black suspenders that your jacket hid.

A friendly greeting to everyone present at the time was enough for you to enter the elevator to the upper floors, a few glances still on you as the doors closed.

Next, you were on the floor where your office was located.

As soon as you stepped out of the elevator, your vision was flooded by the constant flow of employees and assistants going from here to there, with dozens of papers and various documents in their hands. It was nice that the room was quite spacious, with a high ceiling, otherwise it would look like downtown Seoul on a Saturday afternoon.

The work centers were distributed neatly to one side, right next to the large windows that allowed to see the beautiful city in its maximum splendor. The cubicles were made up of two stalls, one facing the other, there were a total of six of them on each side of the floor, accompanied by a large black leather chair at the bottom of each row for the employees to rest in case they needed it. The division of the floor was marked by a group of four columns right in the center of it, decorated with plants at the base of each one. Finally, the highlight was the synthetic ebony floor, which reflected the light from the windows and gave the place a more lively appearance.

The few who noticed your presence offered you a quick greeting before going back to work, the others, however, were so absorbed in their tasks that they barely turned to see you. Better for you, you hated delays.

You walked for a few minutes through each row of cubicles, silently supervising the work that the employees carried out on their Macs. One screen in particular caught your eye, it seemed to be designing a logo. You stepped to the side of the girl's chair just to get a closer look. It wasn't until after a few seconds when the girl noticed you.

“Oh, ah… good morning sir,” she greeted sheepishly, pressing two keys to bring up the computer desktop.

"Good morning, Miss...Kim...Hyunjin, isn't it?" you asked.

“Yes, yes sir,” the dark-haired girl agreed.

“What were you working on? Show me, please,” you ordered kindly.

Hyunjin was hesitant at first, but eventually opened the app again to let you see. The screen now showed a redesign of the agency's current logo, now it was more minimalist, but at the same time it did not lose that touch of elegance that characterized it. It was perfect.

“Hm… why did you hide it? The design is excellent,” you finally mentioned, straightening up, “why aren't you in the marketing and design department?”

“Ah… I joined this agency as an economist, sir. It's a long story,” she seemed sad about it, like it was a subject she didn't like to talk about.

“Well, pick up your things. Right now you will be transferred, I want that logo everywhere,” you turned to leave, but the girl stopped you, grabbing you by the edge of your jacket sleeve.

You turned around somewhat confused, only to see Hyunjin with tears in her eyes.

"Are you serious?" she asked you with a trembling voice.

“Yeah, why are you sad about it? I can still change my mind, if you wish.”

"No!" she said quickly, shaking her head, "No...no, it's just that...my father..."

You immediately understood.

You raised your hand and shook your head to indicate that an explanation was not necessary. You left your briefcase on the floor, to take a silk handkerchief from your jacket pocket. You stood in front of her, wiping away the tears running down her cheeks with the soft cloth, then depositing it in her hand.

“There's no need to cry, Miss Kim,” you gave her a small smile, “I'll have my assistant do all the necessary paperwork for your mobilization. Now, gather your things and make sure you put that document away."

Ending the matter, you turned around and headed down the hall where the individual offices were, leaving the still stunned girl behind.

The corridor was quite long, proportional to the size of your office whose door was just to the left, in the middle of the wall. You immediately entered the room, which wasn’t exactly conspicuous for its simplicity.

It was the opposite of simple. It was a large office, designed to be state of the art, full of black and white. Your desk was in the shape of a wide L, made of a black synthetic wood and closed in front with a white plate; on top of it was just your Mac, a tall, thin silver lamp pointed at the keyboard, and the local phone. Behind it stood a large filing cabinet at least thirty feet high, with black doors and white edges; it was overflowing with folders marked by month and year. And to the left of the desk was a leather couch, big enough for four people.

You certainly didn't need such a big office. You were a man of simple tastes, you enjoyed the minimalist and the visually pleasing. On your first day as CEO it looked like a sci-fi space cabin, and you quickly disagreed, making changes left and right to make the room your own, even if it meant having to take out half the furniture that it was, in your opinion, unnecessary.

The vast cut of furniture made the office feel very empty, leaving the side opposite your desk totally bare except for a few decorations. You hated that feeling, just as you hated feeling alone in such a large space. You were quick to take action.

There she was, sitting cross-legged behind her small but no less pretty desk, her gaze riveted on her computer as she typed intently. Your secretary, Kim Minji, with her blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail. It wasn't until you closed the door behind you that she snapped out of her trance and turned her head to look at you.

“Good morning,” she greeted, flashing you a bright smile that caused her eyes to narrow slightly behind her glasses.

She wore a khaki cardigan over a thin white striped shirt with two open collar buttons, with a black skirt fitted a few inches above her knees, she had quite a distinct style when it came to dressing, opting mostly for light colors and opaque, she almost never wore a skirt of a different color, and she hated heels, so she wore sandals as long as it wasn't a formality.

"Good morning, Minji," you returned the gesture, to walk behind your desk, "what's new?" you asked, sitting down in your chair and putting the briefcase to the side of the desk.

Minji sighed stressed.

“A lot of things,” she answered, going through some documents that she had loose on her desk, “I sent everything to your email, so you can take a look.”

She looked back at her computer, the screen lit up her face. You immediately entered yours, finding yourself with dozens and dozens of new entries in your mailbox.

"Fuck, we have work to do," you grumbled, propping an elbow off the edge of the desk to support your chin with your hand.

After a few minutes, several knocks were heard on the door.

"Go ahead," Minji said.

Seconds later, a short boy with blue-black hair peeked through the door, an enthusiastic smile on his face. Ju Haknyeon, your assistant and computer technician.

"Good morning boss. Good morning, Miss Kim,” he bowed to them both, “If you need me, you know what to do. Want a coffee?”

“Good morning, Haknyeon,” you looked away from your computer to see him, “Yes please,” Haknyeon nodded to leave, “Oh! Before I forget it."

Haknyeon stopped, turning around.

“I have transferred Miss Kim Hyunjin to the marketing and design department. Do you know her?”

"Of course! I have chatted with her several times, she is quite sweet. Why?"

“Help her personally in the process. Make sure that the documents reach my power to sign them, and that everything is fast and effective.”

"Understood," he nodded, "May I ask the reason for that decision?" He asked, after a short pause.

"You'll see later, now go," you nodded toward the exit. Hakyneon bowed, before leaving the office.

Minji looked at you from across the room with a raised eyebrow.

"What?"

"Don't tell me she saw you with those pretty eyes of hers and led you to do that."

“No, you'll see later,” you repeated, “Why? You are jealous?" you joked.

Minji narrowed her eyes, clenching the pen into a fist without you noticing.

"Just check the fucking documents and sign them."

You let out a hearty laugh, settling into your seat. You took off your jacket, hanging it from the back of the chair before diving into the sea of papers.

—--------------------------------

Minji rose from her chair, stretching out her arms and legs with a heavy sigh. It was 2:03 PM, six hours since the last time she was able to stand before planting her butt in that stall. You had already finalized more than half of the pending issues, but there was still a long process ahead to be able to finish.

“I don't know if we can get it all done before dismissal time,” Minji shrugged out of her cardigan, setting it aside by the keyboard.

"We'll have to put in an extra hour or two," you shrugged, leaning back in your chair.

“You're lucky you pay me too well to complain,” she pulled a pack of gum out of her bag, putting one to her mouth.

"Are you sure it's just because of that?" you stared at her, an amused look on your face.

Minji rolled her eyes at her, shaking her head. She walked to stand in front of your desk, braced her hands on the edge, and leaned in toward you, staring into your eyes. From your seat you could see her black bra under her shirt, just what she wanted.

“Listen to me, little boss,” she said, quietly, “You're teasing me, and you definitely don't want to tease me. You better keep your mouth shut."

She didn't really seem upset, but you supposed it was best not to look for her to be.

"Whatever you say, Miss Kim," you replied after a few seconds in which the tension between you only grew.

"Good. Now authorize the photo session with Prada, it will take place in a week in their buildings and the chosen ones were Kim Jisoo, Choi Yerim, Yoo Jimin and Kim Jiho. We just have to cover transportation and their assistants."

With that, Minji straightened up and walked back to her desk, swaying her hips from side to side knowing you had your eyes on her.

—-------------------------

The sun gradually stopped illuminating the office as the hours passed. It was 4:54 PM, by which time all regular-hour employees had left the building except for the custodians, cafeteria attendants, and a few hairstylists who stayed to make inventory.

You and Minji were still focused on your work. The documents were diminishing faster and faster, and in a short time you would be free to leave that place.

None of you said a single word beyond what was necessary. Only the sound of the air conditioning, the keys, the clicks, the pen against the paper and the continuous movements of the sheets rubbing against each other could be heard. The two of you had divided up the work so that you wouldn’t only take care of signing things, but also reading documents, answering emails and paying employees.

You both were a good team, three years of working relationship didn’t pass in vain, after all. You had gone out together on more than one occasion, for lunch on weekends or a drink, always friendly. At that point, you considered her a good friend and a person to rely on at all times.

The clock struck 5. Minji turned to it, exhaling heavily before going back to her business.

“You can go if you want, Minji. I can do it on my own, seriously,”  you said, looking at your screen noticing her obvious annoyance.

"What? Nope! Don't even think about it, I'll stay with you," she protested, raising her voice a little,  “Just because I complain doesn't mean I don't want to. I'm just tired, and I'm sure you are too."

She was right. It has been a hard and stressful day for both of you. You leaned to the right to see her.

"Thanks, really," you nodded.

“Besides, without me you're a mess. Ultimately, I'm staying."

She was right too. You let out a small laugh, before turning your chair towards the printer and continuing to work.

Exactly an hour and a half later you got up from your chair, dropping the pen on the table to indicate that it was the last signature you did for today. With a sigh you approached the window to your left, looking at the beautiful sunset between the buildings of Seoul for a few long seconds until you took a seat on the sofa in front of you, resting your head on the back and intertwining your hands in your lap.

Minji took a few more minutes to finish. She came out from behind her desk and walked wearily over to the couch, taking a seat next to you. A long sigh escaped her lips. She crossed her legs and rested her left elbow on the back of the couch, so she could turn around and look at you, her cheek resting on her hand.

"This job is fucking heavy," you declared with a smile, feeling the blonde's eyes on you, "It's nice to have a cute partner for motivation."

"Just cute?" Minji raised an eyebrow.

"Pretty, smart, kind, hard-working..."

“And…?

“And what?” You turned your head a little to see her.

Minji brought a hand to the nape of her neck, untying her ponytail and letting her silky blonde strands fall free over her shoulders. She brushed her hair back slowly, cocking her head to the side with a murderous look on her face. You followed every move carefully.

“Fine, and dangerously sexy,” you blurted out.

Minji couldn't help but let out a satisfied giggle. A slight blush appeared on her cheeks, it was evident that she wasn't used to receiving such comments very often, most of the time she was so immersed in your work that she didn't even have the chance to be a bit more spicy.

“More than all those models with perfect bodies and perfect faces?” she insisted, eager for your answer.

"You could very well be one of those models with the perfect body and perfect face, Minji."

You didn't know where she was getting with those questions. She seemed to be waiting for your answers like an animal eagerly waiting to be fed, only to sate her hunger later. Maybe that's where the shots went.

Not satisfied with that, Minji took her time undoing two more of the buttons on her shirt, never taking her eyes off you for a second. Now her cleavage was almost exposed, allowing you to see her bra. Your gaze made a detailed tour of every corner of her body. Her angelic facial features, her neck, her sharp collarbone, her hands, ending at her toned, luscious legs, pressed one on top of the other.

“Very well, yes. You are much sexier than any model in and out of this agency, I can say that for sure,” you stated, pursing your lips as her eyes rested on yours.

"That's what I wanted to hear," she replied with a mischievous smile, "now how about we release a little tension?"

With a quick movement Minji straddled your lap, resting her hands on your shoulders. That took you by surprise, but it didn't take long for you to warm up to play along.

"Just here? In our office?" your hands went to her waist, pressing to feel her between your fingers, “Why don't we go to my apartment instead?”

“I don't think I have enough patience… I want you here, and now,” the blonde demanded, taking her hands from your shoulders to your face, which she gently cradled to plant a tender kiss on your lips.

In a moment both were intoxicated by the kiss and the heat that both bodies gave off, your hands caressing up and down her thighs on each side of your waist. It wasn’t the first time you were in a situation like this. Some time ago you had a small moment of sexual tension with kisses in between, but you were drunk and the moment wasn’t right, so you quickly left the thing behind.

Minji brought her hands to the hem of her skirt, slowly pulling it up until she was wrapped around her waist, her legs and butt now fully exposed. You gave each of her cheeks a slight squeeze, causing the blonde to start moving firmly on your lap. Both crotches rubbing against each other.

You tightened your hold on her butt, making the brush between your bodies even tighter. Minji moaned into the kiss in response, pulling away from it after a few seconds and plunging into your neck. She took a moment to get rid of the bothersome straps, delivering deep, needy kisses that reached all the way to your collarbone. The girl's hands worked efficiently on your shirt, undoing each button all the way down, then sliding the garment off your shoulders.

Her first instinct was to plant her hands on either side of your torso, feeling your skin against your fingertips as she moved them up and down and kissed your chest. You took her by the chin to bring her back to your height, kissing her again for a few seconds as you returned the favor and removed her shirt and her bra, freeing her round and soft breast

Minji held her breath as you broke the kiss and leaned down to bring one of her tits to your mouth, swirling your tongue around it and sucking gently. She moaned softly, resuming the movement of her hips in your lap with both arms around your neck, occasionally stroking the hair at the nape of your neck.

You continued playing with her breasts for a few seconds until Minji gently pulled you apart, getting off your lap and kneeling on the floor between your legs. She took a moment to remove her glasses and set them aside on the couch, her hands caressing the inside of your thighs. She brought her face a few inches from your crotch, kissing the thick bulge that protruded from the fabric as if it were a treasure. She was soon joined by her hand, which gave a light squeeze before beginning to work on your belt and pants.

With your pants now off your legs Minji focused all of her attention on your eminent erection, which was already screaming to be released judging by how hard it was. She stroked her hand along your entire length slowly.

“Fuck… I already want all of this inside me,” Minji said, her voice thick with sensuality and desire, finishing with a small bite on her lower lip.

With no time to lose, Minji gripped her fingers in the seam of your boxer briefs, finally pulling them away from your legs and freeing your throbbing cock. She planted a few wet kisses at the base of it, climbing up to meet your tip and give it a slow lick that made you shiver.

She held it with one hand, using her lips in kisses to stimulate every little corner of your shaft. When she reached your tip she again twisted her tongue around it, collecting the small drops of precum that began to seep to continue moving from top to bottom.

Seeking a better taste, Minji wrapped her lips around the tip, sucking gently up and down as your face twisted slightly in pleasure. After a few seconds, she pulled it out with a loud pop, slowly jerking you off with her hand.

“Someday you could bring Miss Kim here…I want to see if she can do this better than me,” Minji said, spreading wet kisses down the back of your member.

"I'm not going to do that. What kind of boss do you take me for?

"Oh no? Then maybe I should just go and leave you with your pants down…"

Minji made a move to stand up, but you grabbed her arm hard and yanked her to her knees again. Preempting anything she had to say, you held her in place with one hand on the back of her neck and plunged her fully into your cock, half of it now inside her mouth.

Minji moaned around your shaft, further turned on by how roughly she was being treated. You kept your hand on the back of the girl's head, setting a steady rhythm that she soon got used to.

Soon you didn't need to use your hand, as Minji was moving her head up and down forcefully, taking most of your length in her mouth. Seconds later, it turned into a sloppy, frantic blowjob.

You raised both arms to the back of the couch, enjoying the lewd act between your legs. Minji worked expertly, barely displaying a gag reflex as she brought you right down her throat. As a last move, she took every inch of you into her mouth until her nose rested against your base. You closed your eyes, fighting with yourself not to explode in that moment. Seconds later, as she was choking, Minji pulled you out of her mouth taking a deep breath, jerking you off furiously. Several threads of saliva connected your cock with her mouth.

You leaned forward, cupping your hands over Minji's face for a passionate kiss that only lasted a few seconds.

“Get up… I want to have my taste too,” you ordered.

Minji stood up, followed closely by you who wrapped both arms around her body. You guided her between kisses behind her desk, pushing the chair aside so you could have more room and pulling it up to the edge of it. By pure instinct Minji opened her legs wide, causing small friction between your tip and her crotch. You broke the kiss to rush down her breasts and her abdomen to kneel in front of the wet spot in her panties.

Avoiding wasting as little time as possible, you hook your fingers into the hem of her underwear to slide it down Minji's beautiful legs. Now you had a front row view of her glistening pussy, soaked from the little session earlier.

"I didn't know my co-worker was such a dirty little slut..."

"I'm just a dirty little slut to you, boss."

Seeking to push her as far as possible, you began by distributing small kisses and bites on the inner side of her thighs, causing small involuntary reflexes in her. You moved more and more into the center, purposely circling her slit only to drive her into despair. Minji twisted her hips subtly, searching for your mouth.

Having had enough of teasing, you placed your tongue flat on her slit and gave her a slow lick that ended on her clit, which you greeted with a small kiss that tickled Minji. The girl's legs closed slightly on either side of your head as you used your lips and tongue to stimulate her in different random patterns, letting her motor now run into overdrive.

Loud moans soon filled the large office as pleasure built inside Minji. You set about devouring her pussy like it was a gourmet dish made by a five-Michelin-starred chef, frantic, precise movements attacking her sensitive little nub with your tongue, turning it into a quivering mess on the desk.

With her thighs pressed fully to either side of your head, Minji threaded her fingers through your hair, desperately pushing your face deeper into her pussy in search of her orgasm. You understood perfectly, so you decided to double your efforts, bringing your index and middle fingers to her slit. Being so wet already your fingers entered without complication, eliciting the loudest moan yet from her.

That was a coup de grace for the blonde. She was soon overwhelmed by the incessant assault on her clit, combined with the pumping of your fingers deep inside her.

"Fuck... don't s-stop, I'm so close, p-p-please keep it up honey... oh fuck!" she moaned loudly, playing with her own breast with her free hand.

Just saying those words was enough for Minji to press her thighs even tighter around your head and suddenly explode in your mouth, writhing aggressively on her desk, loud moans filling the room. You firmly held her legs to plant her in her place and prevent her from knocking something off her desk, you really had made a mess of her.

After a few long seconds Minji laid her back flat on the cold wood, struggling to regulate her breathing. You took that as a sign to stop. You pulled your fingers out, and pulled away from her crotch licking your lips. A small smile appeared on your face.

“You taste very, very good…just as I expected,” you leaned into her, seeking her lips to once again plunge into a sloppy, fiery kiss.

“Put that damn thing inside me…I need it,” Minji said, breaking the kiss after long seconds.

She cupped your cock with one hand, rubbing the tip meanly up and down her slit. Already annoyed, she bit your lip hard and caught you again in a kiss that lasted only a few seconds until you introduced the first centimeters of your cock inside her.

Minji pulled away from your mouth to moan simultaneously with you. You slowly pushed your full length into her tight, wet cavity. You gave her some time to adjust to your thickness; after a moment, your cock had disappeared inside her.

You stood up in front of the desk, took hold of both of Minji's thighs with your hands and began to move your hips back, inching out of her until only the tip was inside, to enter again with a strong thrust, Minji let out a loud moan.

“Fuck me… hard. Don't you dare be careful,” Minji pleaded, licking her lips and pursing them, meeting your eyes.

"I didn't mean to be."

You gritted your teeth and clung firmly to her waist, beginning to establish the intense rhythm that would continue for the next few minutes. That ended the momentary silence in the office, now filled with Minji's moans, the wet sound of your fused intimacies, and the slight bump between your bodies.

Your right hand traveled up her toned abdomen to stop on one of her breasts, squeezing it and playing with her nipple between your fingers. Minji responded with little squeaks of pleasure punctuated by the thrusts, enjoying the combination of intense pleasures. You couldn't help but admire the sultry expressions on your pretty secretary's face as her inner walls hugged your cock tightly, almost forbidding you to get out of her.

Minji took hold of your wrist with her hand, pulling it from her breast to her neck.

“Ch-choke me…” she pressed her own hand around your wrist to invite you to it.

You didn't think about it for a second. After wrapping your fingers around her neck, you pressed hard enough not to hurt her, slightly stifling her breath. Minji tried to moan, but nothing came out of her mouth but small choking sounds. Her pussy tightened around your shaft even more, showing how much she was enjoying it.

“I didn't know the little slut was turned on by this kind of practice… Tell me, what other things should I know?” you loosened your grip, the opposite of the movement of your hips, which became more aggressive.

"S-S-slap me…" she managed to say, widening her eyes a little.

You were an obedient boy, so you quickly removed your hand from her neck to give her a sharp slap. You knew how to control your strength, there would be no problem playing with her a little more.

“What are you, Kim Minji?” you asked, pursing your lips, doing your best to keep up your pace without exhausting yourself.

“I'm a dirty little whore…” Minji bit her own lip hard to tease you. You fell for her tease, giving her a harder slap on the other side of her face.

“Not the answer I expected,” you grabbed at her jaw, causing her to look at you.

"I'm your dirty little slut... I-I belong to you, and only you."

"That's better," you smiled, "Get up, I want to fuck you from behind."

You came out of her without warning, grabbing her wrists to help her down from her desk and then turning her back to you. Minji knew what to do right away, leaning over her desk and presenting her perfect ass to you, plus she removed the ponytail holding her hair, which flowed free down her back.

You aligned the tip of your cock with her entrance again, entering her with a hard thrust. Minji threw her head back to let out a piercing moan, and you took the opportunity to grab a fistful of her hair in your hand, pulling it hard against you as you resumed your frantic thrusts.

You put the weight of your free hand on her lower back, using it as support to push deeper and hit that precious spot with ease, which wasn't so difficult thanks to the new position. Minji just moaned uncontrollably, feeling closer to her own orgasm.

"I-I'm going to-o-o-o..." Minji was trying to formulate her sentence, but the intense shakes she received from your thrusts only interrupted her, "AHHHHH!".

After a loud cry Minji clung with her hands to the edge of the desk in front of her face, while her legs trembled. Her second orgasm of the day attacked her more aggressively than the previous one, with violent spasms that ended up leaving her body exhausted. You didn't stop for a moment, fucking her hard through her climax. It was all becoming too much to take, the sweet sounds of pleasure coming from her like music to your ears, and the sudden constriction of her walls around your cock eventually pushed you over the edge too.

"M-minji... where..." you gasped, letting go of her hair and now supporting both hands on her behind to squeeze it between your fingers, several drops of sweat running down your forehead.

“I-i-in-si-d-e-...p-please f-fill m-me up, I-I n-eed it...” Minji said in a weak voice, the side of her face flat against the desk, and her eyes narrowed.

That was all you needed. With a few more thrusts of your hips you exploded with one last thrust, unloading a huge load of cum inside her. You clung with all your strength to her hips while you closed your eyes, fully enjoying your own climax. You'd probably leave marks on her skin, but you didn't care, and you were sure she didn't either.

Minji let out a long sigh of satisfaction as she felt the hot, thick liquid inside her, giving a small smile. It took a few seconds for her to muster enough energy to lift the weight of her desk and bring her back closer to you, who were still recovering. Even though you were more on one spiritual plane than the other, you gently took her by the waist to kiss her affectionately.

“I needed this, thanks, little boss,” she said after a few seconds, looking into your eyes with a wide smile. What a contrast.

“You just had to ask me, I don't think I would have refused,” you replied with a small laugh.

"You're still inside me, you know?" Minji raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yes, I know."

You separated from her, gradually removing your dick from inside her. Within seconds, the thick white liquid slowly spilled out of her entrance and slowly fell to the ground.

“Wow, looks like we have to clean up ourselves this time,” Minji laughed, trailing her fingers to her entrance and scooping up a bit to bring it into her mouth, “Hmm, yummy,” she winked at you.

“Do you have wet wipes or something? You're a mess."

“In my bag, front pocket,” the girl stated.

Within seconds of going to get them you came back with the pack of wipes in one of your hands and Minji's clothes slung over your shoulder. You left both things on the desk so she could get dressed when she finished cleaning up.

“Thank you sweetheart,” she leaned in to give you a kiss on the cheek.

After a little while cleaning, dressing and leaving the office impeccable, you both turned off your respective computers, gathered your things, and left through the office door.

The building, unsurprisingly, felt like a mausoleum without the presence of the employees. There were only two janitors left, who were also packing up to leave. Some gave them both amused glances as they reached the elevator.

“Am I that loud?” Minji asked in a low voice, ducking behind you as they entered the elevator.

“Hm… little bit, yes,” you replied, pressing the downstairs button.

“Fuck, what a shame,” she hid her face in your back, clinging to you with her arms.

“I'm sure they won't say a single word. Not if they want to keep their jobs,” you shrugged.

“You don't have to fire anyone. Let them talk what they want,” Minji rested her chin on your shoulder, looking straight ahead.

"Very well. But we will not repeat what happened in the office. We can go to my apartment whenever we want."

The elevator door opened at the lobby of the building, and you stepped out of the building to go straight to the exit. Minji linked her arm with yours.

"No? To my knowledge, we have a certain unfinished business with a certain helpless kitten,” she reminded you mischievously.

You sighed.

"You take care of convincing her, I'm not going to get in there."

"I always take care of everything, cutie, no problem," she patted you on the shoulder, "Now let's go, I need to cuddle with you, I'm exhausted."

With that, you and Minji headed straight for the parking lot where your car was. In a few seconds, you two were on your way to what would be your little love nest for the next few months.

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SPREN NOTES:

Well, surprise surprise. I originally didn't plan on touching this story in any way, since it was originally a smut between a boy group member and Minji that I had written last year, but I said "fuck it", and started adapting it for being a male reader insert story. It is a work that I am quite proud of and that I really enjoyed writing, I hope you like it! Btw, look forward to Sullyoon's smut this weekend.

Don't forget to support me on ko-fi if you want! https://ko-fi.com/lustspren.

[kass-storycorner]

I literally can’t sleep right now because I ate something ✨spicy✨ earlier and I shouldn’t have finished eating it after I noticed it that it was too spicy for my liking 🥲 (and knowing full well that my stomach can’t handle spice at all). But I was hungry and stupid and now I’m laying in bed with stomach ache and feeling sick… so I was inspired to write this (on my phone so the formatting is a bit weird). In those sense I am a Chongyun kinnie I guess. Now excuse me while I try to get a bit of sleep, I have therapy and work tomorrow and I really need a good nights rest for both.

Idea: Thoma invited you over to cook you dinner, but he underestimated how sensitive your stomach is (compared to his own… Thoma would probably eat the dubious meal from Botw without batting an eye)

Characters: Thoma x gn!reader

Genre: fluff

Content warning: mention of feeling sick, mentioning the preparations for vomiting, like getting a bucket etc. (but no actually vomiting takes place, this is the CN for all the other ppl out there like me who can’t deal with the topic very well), very very very slight suggestiv content warning (it’s just one stupid joke of Thoma lol)

Format: i feel like it’s too long to be a drabble but it’s also not proof read so eh also I don’t know how to put something under a cut via the tumblr app so until I’m on a desktop you have to deal with this in the tags I AM SO SORRY

You knew it was a mistake to finish your plate as soon as you ate the first spoon of what Thoma had prepared for you two. But he looked at you with such a bright smile in anticipation of what you would say, how you’d like what he had made specifically for the two of you. It was such a nice gesture for Thoma to cook for you, when he asked you yesterday you accepted his invitation for tonight. The both of you had been dating for a while now, however Thoma didn’t have many nights just for himself as the Housekeeper of the Kamisato Clan. So it was very nice for him to spend his first night off in a while cooking for you. With all of that in mind and his puppy eyes looking at you - ah, you just didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was too spicy for you. It wasn’t even that you didn’t like the taste, you probably would like the dish, but it was just… so spicy, there was no option for a taste. It was just burning in your mouth. With a smile you just kept eating until your plate was empty, hoping the consequences of your actions would be too severe.

And for a while you felt fine, spending the rest of the evening cuddling with Thoma on the couch, listening to how he told you stories about his home with a bittersweet tone. In the middle of one of his stories, he was just telling you about a story from his childhood when he searched with two friends for one of their pet turtles, your stomach interrupted him with a loud growl. “Oh, are you still hungry?”, he asked with a slightly teasing tone. “No, it’s nothing, just digestion”, you tried to laugh it off and for a while he kept continuing his stories, not paying too much attention to the different noises of your stomach. That was until he noticed how your body started to tense up, your face turning pale. “Hey, are you alright?”, Thoma shifted, having you sit beside him now. “Yeah, it’s nothing, I’m fin-“, but before you could even finish the sentence the pain in your stomach became worse, as if someone just punched you in it you jolted towards, hugging your arms around your stomach. Hunched over in pain you could feel Thoma’s hand on your back. “Do you need to vomit? Wait a moment”, before you could even answer his question he was already on his feet, running towards the small kitchen and getting you a bucket. Just as quick as he was on his feet he sat back beside you, his hand back on your back, the bucket placed in front of you. “Thoma, really I’m fine it’s ju-“, again you were interrupted by the pain, having to take a deep breath to manage the cramp. “You don’t seem fine to me,” his voice was filled with worry while he caressed your back. “It fine, really. I’m used to it, I just need to lay down a bit,” You we’re finally able to say, giving him a pained smile. This really wasn’t ideal and to be honest it was so embarrassing for you. Maybe, you thought to yourself, that’s the punishment for not being honest from the beginning. But you couldn’t turn back time, so this was now your evening. “Okay, hold on,” before you could even understand what he mean with that he stood up and picked you up, carrying you bridal style to his bedroom. “Thoma, what are you doing?”, surprised by the sudden action you cling to his jacket. “You said you needed to lay down,” he put you down on his bed, “it’s best for you to lay down here, the couch really isn’t the most comfortable when you need rest.” Any other night you would feel something different in your stomach, nervousness, excitement- whatever, the way he carried you into his bedroom, put you down on his bet… you really wished that the circumstances were different for his actions. Was he even aware of what he was doing? “Thoma, I’m sorry”, you sigh, hiding your face in your hands. God, all of this was so embarrassing. He sat down at the end of the bed, his hand on your leg. “Hey, don’t be, it’s not your fault that you don’t feel well.” Thoma stood up from the bed, throwing a blanked over you to then make his way out of the room. “Don’t go”, you mumbled before he was at the bedroom door. “Mmh? What did you say?”, he asked and came closer to you again. You grabbed the fabric of his clothes, repeating yourself. “Don’t go, please.”

The pain in your stomach was still bad, but worse was the thought of having to spend the night alone in Thoma’s bed and him willingly sleeping on his couch, because you couldn’t tell him the truth. Without any further words Thoma filled the empty space next to you in his bed, laying on his side, his one hand supporting his head and the other hand softly going through your hair. You had your eyes closed, concentrating on your breathing, to regulate the pain but also to calm yourself down from the whole situation. Laying next to him in his bed, so close and it all felt so intimate… ah, maybe the nervousness of the whole situation didn’t really help with the pain. After a while you felt Thoma’s hand press against your forehead. “Mmmh, they don’t seem to have a fever, that’s good”, he mumbled to himself. Ah, did he think you fell asleep? Awkwardly you cleared your throat, opening your eyes looking directly into his. “Oh-ah, you’re still awake?”, he looked a bit embarrassed at you noticing how he talked to himself out loud. “Umm- yeah. Thoma,” you shifted, now laying on your side and not on the back anymore, facing him. “Don’t worry, I’m really not ill, it’s just…”, you paused, hesitant to tell him this, “it’s just, the dish you made earlier was a bit … too spicy for me, I quite the sensitive stomach and… I just didn’t want to tell you earlier, you made such an effort to cook for me and-“, you didn’t knew what else was there to stay, burying your face again in your hands you mumbled out another apology to him. “I’m sorry that I didn’t notice it, I made you eat two plates of it, without seeing that you didn’t even enjoy it”, Thoma pulled you in a hug, his chin now resting on your head. “No, Thoma don’t apologise. You couldn’t have known it, I promise you I’ll tell you in future…”. Suddenly you felt another wave of stomach pain, making you curl up again in pain. “Ah, it’s so stupid that my body reacts to a bit of spice like that,” you try to joke, but Thoma only caresses your cheek, looking at you with worry. “How bad is it?”, he asks, wishing he could be of any kind of help to you. “I’m just in pain, so it’s not that bad”, you say hoping he won’t press further on the matter. You really weren’t in the mood to explain to him what exactly it could entail when you ate things that upset your stomach - especially spicy food. “Can I help?”, his hand again at your back, slowly going up and down. “Do… do you have a heating pad or something similar? Sometimes it helps when I put some heat on my stomach.” “No, I don’t have one put… wait, I have a better idea.” With that he made you turn your back to him, pressed to his stomach with it. “T-Thoma?”, you asked nervously when you felt his hand under your shirt on top of your stomach. “Don’t worry, just trust me I won’t do anything funny,” he replied. “Unless you want me to”, he added, which earned him a small nudge with your elbow in his side. “Ouch, okay got it, not the time and place”, Thoma chuckled and then you suddenly felt the heat on your stomach. You sigh at the feeling, visibly relaxing now. You two just stayed there for a while until you were the first one to fall asleep in his arms, Thoma following shortly after you. Neither of you did expect to spend your first night together like this, but you weren’t complaining.

[kangtaebins]

Weird Asks That Say A Lot

I said I was going to just answer all of these bc of boredom,, and so here I am

1. Coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Teacups are aesthetically pleasing idc what anyone says

2. Chocolate bars or lollipops? Lollipops

3. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy supremacy

4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? I was told that I was a leader a lot, and was told that I was very intelligent. Ah yes, I suffered from gifted kid burn out in high school-

5. Do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Look, plastic cups are the best. Specifically the ones with the lids and reusable straws

6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? It truly depends on the day bc some days I would say goth and other days I’d say grunge, but most days- pastel

7. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds

8. Movies or TV shows? TV shows bc- idk actually I’m just not a movie person

9. Favorite smell in the summer? I have a weird obsession with the smell of cheap sunscreen and I have no clue why

10. Game you were best at in p.e.? I hated gym in high school and rarely participated despite the teacher being irritated with me (truly she gave up after a few months bc I really did not care at all) HOWEVER- I went to town in volleyball and still enjoy playing volleyball v much

11. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I don’t eat breakfast often,,, 

12. Name of your favorite playlist? Probably my Navy or Indigo playlist

13. Lanyard or key ring? Key ring 

14. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Anything green apple!!!

15. Favorite book you read as a school assignment? I actually genuinely enjoyed Romeo And Juliet tbh

16. Most comfortable position to sit in? I always curl up in a ball on the couch, but in a chair I manspread ngl

17. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? Nike slides <//3

18. Ideal weather? Between 50-70 degrees, sunny but not warm, being able to wear a hoodie and not be hot or cold

19. Sleeping position? I usually either sleep on my left side or on my stomach (my back once in a while when it’s hurting bc I’m a hag)

20. Preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? I write on my phone more than anything

21. Obsession from childhood? Hm- I was really obsessed with High School Musical as a kid. My friend and I would put it on and lip sync to the songs and pretend we were the characters

22. Role model? Is it- wrong to say myself? Bc I feel like that sounds arrogant but genuinely it’s bc I’m constantly trying to better myself mentally and learn and grow. Idk I just am proud of who I am and look to myself when I need to find motivation

23. Strange habits? Strange? Idk if it’s strange but I’m constantly twiddling with the hem of my sleeves bc I love the feeling of it

24. Favorite crystal? Citrine 

25. First song you remember hearing? WH- bitch idk tf

26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Stay tf inside in the air conditioning

27. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Stay tf inside in the heat

28. Five songs to describe you? To describe me?? Girl idk I'm all over the place. How about songs that resonate with me instead,,, Alive by Khalid, Paranoid by Lauv, Phobia by Dvwn, Fake Smile by Ariana Grande, and Breathin by Ariana Grande

29. Best way to bond with you? Truly I'm not very difficult to get along with, just don't be an asshole. Talk to me about psychology, current events, say Soobin is the cutest to exist idk it's not that hard

30. Places that you find sacred? I- hm. I'm not like a church person or anything so idk. Maybe just anything really old or places with very detailed and unique architecture

31. What outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? I don't own many clothes,,, let alone nice clothes. I also don't really dress to impress I'd much rather be comfortable

32. Top five favorite vines? Oh god if I h a d to pick???? The lipstick in the Valentino bag, they were roommates, it's an avocado- thaaanks, jared 19, and uh,,, zach stooppp you're gonna get in trouble

33. Most used phrase in your phone? Tbh it's probably "girl what-" or "no bc"

34. Advertisements you have stuck in your head? That 877-CASH-NOW ONE JFC

35. Average time you fall asleep? Between 11pm-1am

36. What is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Probably the troll face one or smth

37. Suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase

38. Lemonade or tea? I mix them together!

39. Lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon meringue pie bc I don't really like cake

40. Weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Y'all I- went to a hs/college mixed school,, I've seen it all. Weirdest?? Idk but one weird thing I remember was when we were making whistles in art and some dude made a penis whistle 😭

41. Last person you texted? My best friend :))

42. Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets

43. Hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie 100%

44. Favorite scent for soap? I love soaps that smell like soap. Like ok duh I know that sounds dumb but yk what I mean? I don't want lemon or mint or whatever, I like the plain soap smell

45. Which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Fantasy

46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Oversized t-shirt, no pants. I question anyone that is comfortable sleeping with pants on-

47. Favorite type of cheese? Feta!

48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be? I feel like I'd be a pineapple and I have no clue why

49. What saying or quote do you live by? Not necessarily a quote but more of a thought: live for yourself, enjoy each day, do what gives you joy

50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have? I have had so many instances in which I have laughed so hard I peed and to even attempt to name one is impossible

51. Current stresses? Making sure my family gets their vaccines and stays safe

52. Favorite font? I don't think I have one? Anything except comic sans

53. What is the current state of your hands? What does this even mean 💀 I mean,, they're holding my phone, cold, and my nails are unpolished

54. What did you learn from your first job? That people are assholes but I'm capable of not giving a fuck bc life is not that damn serious

55. Favorite fairy tale? Is The Three Little Pigs considered a fairy tale?

56. Favorite tradition? Putting up the Christmas tree with my mom :( it's always a lot of fun

57. The three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Depression, grief, and hopefully one day- smth I'm currently dealing with

58. Four talents you’re proud of having? Makeup!! But also: singing, crying on command, and tying cherry stems with my tongue

59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Sick of these bitches

60. If you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? I don't watch anime so idk

61. Favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? It's this line from Eleanor & Park: "Eleanor was right: She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something."

62. Seven characters you relate to? Holy hell, 7?? Probably won't get that many but hm,,, Darlene from Roseanne, Hermione from Harry Potter, Emily from Pretty Little Liars maybe?? Idk I suddenly blanked

63. Five songs that would play in your club? As if it's Your Last by BP, anything from SHINee, anything from Ariana, also anything Rihanna, just a bunch of women tbh

64. Favorite website from your childhood? FUCKING WEBKINZ BRO

65. Any permanent scars? I have a few on my arms idk where they came from tbh, I also have one on my hand from my sister 🧍🏻‍♀

66. Favorite flower(s)? Sunflowers!!! I also really love lilacs 💔

67. Good luck charms? My dog's collar that I wear as a bracelet

68. Worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Licorice-

69. A fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? It takes repeating a piece of information 12 times at random to memorize it completely

70. Left or right handed? Right

71. Least favorite pattern? Fucking chevron- and realistic camo, and anything with the American flag

72. Worst subject? Yall im awful at history. American history, world history, all of it-

73. Favorite weird flavor combo? Either pickles and peanut butter or cheese and grapes

74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? I'm stubborn but also always in pain so I've become numb to a lot of body pains. I have to be at like a 7-8 before I take smth otherwise I'd always be taking it

75. When did you lose your first tooth? I was probably like 5 I was definitely in Kindergarten

76. What’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? I fw baked potatoes

77. Best plant to grow on a windowsill? I have a love for succulents

78. Coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Oh my- I don't drink coffee but coffee from a gas station

79. Which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? Driver's license for sure

80. Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones

81. Fireflies or lightning bugs? I say both,, but I think I say lightning bugs more

82. PC or console? PC

83. Writing or drawing? Both

84. Podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts definitely

84. Barbie or polly pocket? Barbie

85. Fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales

86. Cookies or cupcakes? C o o k i e s

87. Your greatest fear? Losing people I love

88. Your greatest wish? To live comfortably and be a great mother

89. Who would you put before everyone else? My family

90. Luckiest mistake? Guessing on 90% of a test and getting an A 💀

91. Boxes or bags? Bags are easier to carry-

92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Fairy lights!!

93. Nicknames? Sam, Sammi, my sister calls me Sams, my best friend calls me Bub, and my gf calls me Baby if that counts- 👀

94. Favorite season? Fall omg it's gorgeous and has perfect temperatures

95. Favorite app on your phone? ✨tumblr✨

96. Desktop background? Its literally a pic of Soobin, Taehyun, and Beomgyu

97. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Like 4-5

98. Favorite historical era? The one where white people learn their fucking place and stop being racist, homophobic, classist, sexist, all the -ists and -phobics,,,, so none. Fuck history :))

[kikoqueenofrats]

Righto next chapter is up hope you guys enjoy!

@toastraccoon

Simulated wind shot past the two sticks as they traveled through the tube supposedly making up the system of internet travel. Cel had his hand tightly clamped in Maris, after being told what could happen if he let go he was desperately hoping he wouldn't lose his grip. He probably should've been used to this feeling by now considering how many times the duo had been through this tube.

However the feeling never failed to make Cel sick to his stomach.

as soon as the feeling was there it was gone as the duo phased through the internet icon and into their newest desktop. 

Mari quickly looked around, keeping their arm outstretched in front of Cel in a protective fashion. First they checked the monitor, relived to find the user wasn't there they began slowly making their way forward and looking around their new environment.

After a quick scan around for any sort of immediate danger Mari suddenly ran off to open the web browser. Cel hung back, still cautiously looking around the desktop and monitor. As his vision was temporarily blocked by the sudden tab Cel began looking closely at the monitor, trying to look for any sign that the user was returning or that they were still in the room. Noticing a pair of legs ontop of the bed of the cluttered room Cel froze, keeping his eyes on them until Mari came over and grabbed his shoulder.

"AH-" Cel gasped turning towards their potential attacker only to see Mari. Cel sighed in relief before throwing a glare at them "Mari, don't sneak up on me like that-" he pouted gently pushing away their hand before going back to staring at the users legs.

"Sorry" Mari shrugged before following Cel's gaze "Oh! Yeah, Don't worry about them Cel, they're probably just asleep or on their phone" Mari reassured, giving Cel a comforting pat on the back before going back to the tab they had just opened.

That...didn't reassure Cel much, however they were forced to trust Mari since this was the only empty computer they had found after scouring the internet all day. And they still hadn't found the answers they were looking for.

Cel, was looking for.

If Cel was being honest he didn't know what Mari was looking for. They seemed more interested in exploring than achieving a certain goal. which was okay in of itself but the concept confused Cel quite a bit.

As Cel thought about it more he absentmindedly made his way into the tab. Not hearing what Mari had suddenly called out Cel yelped in surprise as the floor suddenly moved out from under his feet. Cel continued to yell until the floor quite literally came back up and hit him in the face. His body quickly following in the rough landing Cel groaned as the sound of someone landing beside him sounded out.

"You okay buddy?" Mari chuckled, they had also been in free fall but as they had been expecting the sudden movement their landing had been more graceful. "Sorry about that, I should've given you more warning" they smiled sticking out their hand for Cel to take.

"What happened?" Cel groaned still laying face first on the floor as they recovered from the wind practically getting knocked out of him.

Mari rubbed the back of their neck nervously "I uh...kinda wanted to show you the new trick I learnt whilst you were talking to those two older sticks-" Mari muttered.

"What new trick?" Cel deadpanned now staring Mari in the face, he looked down at Mari's hand and, after a moment of hesitation, he grabbed onto it.

"Oh it's when you type a certain phrase into the google search bar and it does something!" Mari explained as they pulled Cel to his feet. Cel huffed, smiling slightly in exasperation, oh of course they'd do something like that- "What kind of phrase?" He asked mostly so he wouldn't accidentally type it in himself.

Mari opened their mouth to answer Cels question when the sound of something moving caught their attention. They turned, Looking out of the monitor, desperately hoping that the movement was just a pet of some sort.

They were wrong....they were very very wrong.

Somehow the user had managed to get off the bed and sat down at the monitor without Mari noticing. If they were being honest with themselves it was probably because of the spinning. Without a second thought Mari grabbed Cels hand and booked it towards the WiFi icon.

They didn't make it far before Cel was ripped from Maris grasp.

"AH! MARI!!"

Mari had stopped running as soon as Cels hand was no longer in theirs, turning on the balls of their feet, they quickly whipped out their lasso.

Mari knew they user wouldn't be able to hold onto Cel for long, because they'd have to open something in order to properly contain him. So they waited, also knowing that starting a tug o war with a cursor was not the best idea.

As soon as Cel was dropped in order for the user to open what looked like a one of the painting apps Mari threw the rope at him. Managing to get it tied around Cels waist they pulled. The sudden momentum flung Cel into the air, resulting in Cel letting out a startled yelp, but before he could make it to Mari his flight was cut short by the cursor grabbing one of his legs.

"NO!!" Mari grunted, refusing to let go of the rope still tightly wrapped around Cels waist. They knew this was a losing fight, the cursor was just too strong. However they also knew that Cel now had enough room to actually land a hit on the thing.

Cel looked up at Mari, a pleading look in his eyes, before turning back to the cursor gripping tightly onto one of his legs. Realizing what he had to do he began kicking at it. Desperately attempting to pry the thing off of his leg with his heel.

The mini tug of war continued for a few moments more before the user seemingly gave up and let Cel go.

However the cursor quickly made its way over to Mari, hoping to catch them off guard as they were currently trying to pull Cel towards them. After the rope slackened Mari pulled, flinging Cel towards them faster than they could properly catch them at. That wasn't what they were planning however. As soon as the cursor got close Mari back flipped over it, magically freeing Cel from the lassos hold just before he hit the floor as they did so.

Cel rolled across the space under Mari and the cursor and continued rolling for a few moments before stopping just in front of the WiFi icon.

Mari landed and turned around, throwing the lasso at the cursor. Only just managing to catch it in their rope just before it could reach Cel, they began throwing the cursor into every wall they could find.

The loud bangs and crashes caused by this reminded Cel of what had happened to his game so instead of opening the WiFi portal like Mari was expecting him to, he curled up into a shivering ball.

The user desperately tried to shake their cursor out of the ropes grip but with the force of both Maris strength and momentum it's struggles were all in vain.  

Checking up on Cels progress Mari Noticed that he wasn't making a move. Worry edged its way into Maris mind as they remembered the loud thump they had heard when Cel had hit the floor.

Mari quickly threw the cursor into the wall to their duos far left. Rushing over to the icon and ripping in open before the cursor could make its move Mari dragged Cels still shaking body into the portal with them just before the cursor reached them.

A few seconds later both of them were phasing into another computer.

Mari let out a sigh as they laid there for a few moments before bolting up and frantically looking around.

The computer was dark....the room was dark...

Mari let out another sigh of relief, the user had probably fallen asleep before properly shutting the computer off.

Movement caught the corner of their eye and they turned to see Cel slowly pushing himself into a sitting position.

"Cel are you alright?" Mari asked as they quickly shuffled over to Cels side. 

"I...I'm not sure...." Cel muttered not looking Mari in the eye still laying down on the floor, ether way Mari could still clearly see Cel's tears. "Mari...Mari that was terrifying" Cel sobbed before burying his head into his arms and continuing to quietly sob.

Mari watched on, unsure of what to do, when an idea appeared in their brain. Smiling slightly they shuffled over more and tightly wrapped their arms around Cel. As much as they could whilst Cel was still laying on the floor that is. Cel flinched slightly at the sudden contact and looked up at Mari in bewilderment.

A few moments passed before Mari spoke again "Is this helping?"

Cel let out a watery laugh at that “Hold on...” Cel muttered as he pushed himself into a sitting position before wrapping his arms around Maris mid section and burring his face into Mari’s shoulder. “That’s better” Cel muttered relaxing a little bit as Mari readjusted their arms to securely hold Cel close to them.

The duo stayed like that for a while before Cel slowly began to fall asleep.

Mari looked down and watched on as Cels eyes closed and he relaxed even more into the hug. Sleep was...a weird concept to Mari, it defiantly looked like users needed it. With sticks however it seemed to variate, Cel seemed to need it too with the amount of times he had collapsed during a particularly extraneous adventure, like the one they had just had. Where as Mari didn't seem to need it as much, they just, never felt tired. They had first thought it was because they were a stick but after meeting Cel they weren't so sure that was right. Now they guessed it was just how they were coded.

Shrugging the thought off Mari began gently pulling Cel into a more comfortable position inside their arms. After a few moments Mari had managed to pull Cel onto their lap, arms still gently but firmly wrapped around Cels side as his head laid gently on Maris shoulder. Smiling down at their work Mari began looking up out of the monitor. Making sure to keep a close eye out for any sort of movement.

They would search this laptop for information after Cel woke up. Right now however Cel needed to feel safe and Mari was going to do that.

Even if that meant sitting here for the next five hours.

[heartofether]

Episode 5 - Run Rabbit TRANSCRIPT

[You can listen to the show wherever you get your podcasts, or go to our “Listen” page if you’re on desktop.]

AUTOMATED VOICE

Please state your message.

[THEME MUSIC AND INTRODUCTION PLAYS.]

VAL

Three-Eyed Frog Presents: The Heart of Ether.

[THEME CONTINUES BEFORE COMING TO A STOP.]

[PHONE BEEP.]

[INT. IRENE’S OFFICE.]

IRENE

I’m not—okay, look, I’m not recording this for personal reasons this time. I know last night was…really rough, and I should probably talk through it more with myself before I do anything irrational.

It really was just an awful night, huh? Not only did I cry in the Sonic parking lot, but I got home immediately afterwards and found out that the yellow mold had started growing in my kitchen. [SHE SCOFFS.] Yeah, not my night.

That’s not important, though. What is important is that… 

[SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH.]

IRENE

Last night, in the woods, I saw something that I couldn’t explain. Today, I am going to find it again and confront it—and this time, figure out what the hell it is instead of running away.

I guess this is sort of me taking you with me for the ride. It’s also for evidence purposes, though. [MUTTERS] For once, I have an actually valid reason to be recording myself. 

Here goes nothing. 

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

[ANOTHER PHONE BEEP.]

[INT. THE STAFF KITCHEN AT IRENE’S WORK.]

[THERE ARE FOOTSTEPS ACROSS THE TILE FLOOR.]

IRENE

Aden.

[ADEN DROPS A SPOON IN HIS SURPRISE.]

ADEN

Jesus—oh, Irene! Thank goodness, you’re alright. You, you startled me. [sigh of relief] I never heard from you last night after your…adventure, so I thought you had—

IRENE

[CONFUSED] Wait, you seriously didn’t hear anything?

ADEN

...no? You never—

IRENE

Aden, I tried to contact you through the radio.

ADEN

…oh. [HE REALIZES.] Oh! That makes sense. I swear, my radio got all static-y while I was watching TV, but no words were coming through. I thought it was broken. 

IRENE

[SHE HUFFS A SIGH.] That…that’s fair, actually. Look, I’m fine now, okay? That’s what matters. 

ADEN

Oh, that’s good. [STUTTERING] I definitely wouldn’t—I would have gotten fired if I had let you get killed by wild bears. [HE CHUCKLES.] Actually, wait, why were you trying to contact me?

IRENE

[HESITANT] It wasn’t bears, I promise. It was…something worse, I guess?

ADEN

Worse than bears?

IRENE

You really hate bears, don’t know?

ADEN

[PASSIONATELY] Obviously! They’re horrifying killing machines! How could you not be terrified of them?

[HE HUFFS.] What did you see, though?

[A BEAT OF SILENCE.]

IRENE

Promise you won’t think I’m crazy.

ADEN

Oh, I already think you’re crazy. You talk into your phone for a person who will never listen.

IRENE

[DEFENSIVE] I do not—[STUTTERING] I mean—

[DEFEATED] How did you know?

ADEN

Carol told me.

IRENE

[MUTTERS] Oh, of course she did. [BACK TO A NORMAL TONE] Just please promise to hear me out?

[ADEN PONDERS FOR A MOMENT.]

ADEN

Alright, sure. Go ahead.

IRENE

I saw a big writhing monster rise up from the ground.

ADEN

[SUDDENLY OUTRAGED] Oh! Oh, okay! Sure! “Hey, let’s play a fun prank on Aden! He sure seems gullible and easy to scare. How about we make him believe that a big old beast in the forest—” 

[IRENE STUTTERS IN FRUSTRATION AS SHE ATTEMPTS TO CUT HIM OFF.]

IRENE

[OVERLAPPING HIS LAST FEW WORDS] Aden, I’m not messing with you. Cross my heart. I went to go check out the branches, and I turned around because I heard a scream, and when I turned back around, the branches and the dirt had gotten up into this huge living mass. I can’t make this shit up. I don’t even have a good reason to. 

ADEN

[SKEPTICAL] Okay…

IRENE

I even recorded it happening. I know it’s just audio, but it’s still proof. 

ADEN

Alright…

IRENE

[CONTINUING] And I promise I’ll play it for you if you just promise to come with me and help me find the creature.

[A PAUSE.]

ADEN

[SLOWLY] You…want me to…go monster hunting with you?

IRENE

[A BEAT.] Yeah.

[A PAUSE WHERE ADEN WAITS TO SEE IF IRENE IS JOKING.]

ADEN

Oh, you’re being serious about all this, um—Could I at least finish my coffee first?

IRENE

Take as long as you need. I’ll tell Carol we’re going out to do some field work, and then we can go back out to the branches. 

ADEN

You actually think we’re going to be able to find it? I mean, if it even is real and not just a figment of your imagination—

IRENE

[DEFENSIVE] Hey—

ADEN

—then how can we prove that it even comes out during the day? Or maybe it only comes out when there’s only one person?

IRENE

[CONSIDERING] You have a point, I guess.

I have to check, though. I need to figure out what it is. Because if there’s an actual eldritch beast or whatever hiding out in our woods, I have a feeling that’s going to be just as, if not more dangerous than your average forest fire.

ADEN

[HE SIGHS.] You really believe what you saw?

IRENE

Yeah.

[ADEN THINKS FOR A MOMENT.]

ADEN

Okay. Alright, I, I’ll go. Just give me a bit.

IRENE

[SHE HEAVES A SIGH OF RELIEF.] Thank you.

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

[ANOTHER PHONE BEEP.]

[INT. THE FOREST.]

[THERE IS FAINT FOREST AMBIANCE AND BIRD SONG IN THE BACKGROUND. FOOTSTEPS AS ADEN AND IRENE WALK.]

ADEN

You’re seriously recording this?

IRENE

If we’re going to run into it again, we need evidence.

ADEN

[HE SCOFFS.] Then take a photo and upload it to Instagram or something! A recording without any video hardly counts for anything.

IRENE

[SLIGHTLY UNCOMFORTABLE AND EMBARRASED] I...I don’t have Instagram.

ADEN

Alright then, whatever you have. Twitter, Tumblr, whatever. It was mostly just a joke.

IRENE

I don’t have anything, actually.

ADEN

Oh. [HE CHUCKLES.] Didn’t really take you for the “off the grid” sort.

IRENE

I’m not. I just don’t have room on my phone for any social media apps. 

[A PAUSE IN THEIR FOOTSTEPS.]

ADEN

Don’t tell me your entire phone is just those audio recordings.

IRENE

[SHE WINCES.] And what would you say if that was the case?

ADEN

Irene!

IRENE

[SHE GROANS.] Come on. I can still text, call, and check my email. I just...can’t do much else.

ADEN

[DISTRAUGHT] Not even listen to music? That’s a terrible and sad life to lead, Irene.

IRENE

I use CD’s or vinyl whenever I want to listen to stuff. 

ADEN

[TEASING] Oh, so you have a retro aesthetic?

IRENE

I have no clue what my aesthetic is. Can we please just find the branches?

ADEN

Whatever you say.

[THEIR FOOTSTEPS COME TO A HALT.]

IRENE

This is it.

ADEN

…so, what now?

IRENE

We wait, I guess?

ADEN

[WONDERING WHY HE AGREED TO THIS] Ah. Okay. 

What exactly were you doing when you saw it the first time? 

IRENE

Nothing? I was just standing here. I turned around, and when I turned back, there it was.

ADEN

Well then, maybe we shouldn’t stare at it.

IRENE

Good idea. [A BEAT.] Okay, how about this: we go sit on those rocks over there, wait for a bit, and then see what happens?

ADEN

[ANXIOUSLY] Or, wait, I have a better idea! We could just go back to work and pretend this never, ever happened.

IRENE

We’re already here, Aden. We might as well try.

ADEN

[WORRIED, BUT DEFEATED] Fine.

[THEY BOTH WALK OVER TO THE ROCKS AND SIT DOWN.]

ADEN

Now we wait?

IRENE

Yup. 

ADEN

[SLOWLY] What should we talk about?

IRENE

Um…I guess just, anything? What do you want to talk about?

ADEN

Hm… [HE THINKS FOR A MOMENT.] What kind of music do you listen to?

IRENE

A mix. Um, I like Fall Out Boy?

ADEN

[SNORTS LAUGHING] Fall Out Boy? Seriously?

IRENE

What? Their older stuff is good.

ADEN

Ah, so you’re only a classic Fall Out Boy fan.

IRENE

[SLIGHTLY DEFENSIVE] I just haven’t listened to their newer stuff, that’s all. I’m not trying to be an elitist or anything.

ADEN

[HE CHUCKLES.] Sure, sure. What else? [A BEAT.] If you say MCR next, I swear, I’ll never look at you the same again.

IRENE

[SHE SNORTS.] I mean, I dunno. Cage is good. I used to listen to Glass Animals a lot, too, but it’s been a while.

ADEN

Those are respectable choices.

IRENE

What about you? [TEASING] I’m guessing you only listen to the most underground of indie.

ADEN

Mm, actually, not really. I mean, I’m sure you’ve heard of Mitski, Superorganism—

IRENE

[OVERLAPPING] Mitski?

[A PAUSE.]

ADEN

Your life is a joke, Irene.

[IRENE STARTS LAUGHING, BUT ADEN REMAINS DEAD SERIOUS.]

ADEN

I’m serious. Your life is a joke and I have no idea how you manage to live this way.

IRENE

[STILL LAUGHING] Fine! Fine. I’ll listen to Mitski.

ADEN

Oh no, I’m definitely forcing you to listen to her on the way back. That’s a promise. 

[IRENE’S LAUGHTER DIES OFF, AND THERE’S A MOMENT OF SILENCE.]

IRENE

What else?

ADEN

I dunno. 

Who do you record messages for?

IRENE

[SHE BECOMES MORE SERIOUS.] What?

ADEN

If you don’t mind answering, that is.

[A BEAT. IRENE SIGHS HEAVILY.]

IRENE

My ex-girlfriend. 

ADEN

Ah. I understand not being able to move on from a relationship, [WHISTLE] trust me. Is there some sort of heartbreaking break-up story, or—?

IRENE

[GRIM] She went missing.

[SILENCE.]

ADEN

Oh my god. I’m so sorry, I didn’t—

IRENE

It’s fine. The wound is four years old. It hardly hurts to pick at it now.

ADEN

[SINCERE] Do you want to talk about it?

IRENE

[STIFLED] I mean, it’s kind of complicated? I’ll spare you the details for now. It’s just…I don’t know.

I just thought I’d be over it by now. That’s what those recordings were meant to do: help me get over it. I just keep obsessing over it, though. 

[ALMOST MOURNFUL] I try to look for the good in my new life, but I realize that she’s in all the things I think are good. I can’t even date other people—and I’ve tried. It doesn’t take long for the relationships to unravel and fall apart. [SHE SCOFFS.] One girl said it was like I was cheating.

ADEN

[SYMPATHETIC] People handle loss differently, you know. It’s okay to not be over it just because time has passed. 

IRENE

[DISTANT] Right.

[THEN, MORE AWARE] I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be dumping this onto you. You’re my coworker, not my therapist. 

ADEN

Don’t worry about it. I’m always here if you need anything, work-related or not.

Have you tried therapy, though?

IRENE

I did, but it’s been a while. To be honest, at this point, I’m not sure if going back would—

[THERE’S A LOUD RUSTLING NEARBY.]

[EERIE MUSIC BEGINS GROWING IN THE BACKGROUND.]

ADEN

Did you hear—? [SUDDENLY PANICKED] Irene! Hey, stop!

[IRENE HAS ALREADY RISEN TO HER FEET.]

IRENE

Shh! [WHISPERS] I think that was the branches.

ADEN

[WHISPERS THROUGH CLENCHED TEETH] Irene, I think a big living mass of dirt would sound a lot louder than—

[ANOTHER LOUD RUSTLING.]

IRENE

I’m going to check it out. You stay here.

[SLOW AND CAREFUL FOOTSTEPS AS IRENE STEPS TOWARDS THE BRANCHES. THE RUSTLING CONTINUES.]

IRENE

[WARY] Hey…

Wait, is...is that—wo-oah!

[THE MUSIC CUTS OFF ABRUPTLY.]

[THERE IS A RUSTLING ACCOMPANIED BY THUMPING NOISES AS RABBITS RUN PAST IRENE, THEIR FAINT SQUEAKS AND WHIMPERS IN THE BACKGROUND. IRENE STUMBLES FOR A MOMENT BEFORE SHE IS HEARD FALLING OVER. A CRACKING NOISE IS HEARD AS HER PHONE SCREEN SHATTERS.]

[THE RABBIT NOISES FADE OFF.]

ADEN

[UNIMPRESSED] Rabbits. It was a family of rabbits hiding beneath the branches.

IRENE

[SHE GROANS IN PAIN.] Shut up.

[SHE SHIFTS TO A SITTING POSITION.]

IRENE

Oh, fuck.

ADEN

[WINCES] That screen is cracked pretty bad. 

Does it still work?

IRENE

[SHE SIGHS IN RELIEF.] Yeah, and it’s still recording, too.

ADEN

Whew, that was close. You, er, have all of your recordings backed up, right?

IRENE

No?

ADEN

[DUMFOUNDED] Seriously? You’re a young adult in the 21st century! How do you not know the basics of technology? Always back up your important files to a flash drive or something!

IRENE

Of course I know that. I just never thought to back up the recordings because…well, I guess I just never thought about what would happen if I lost all of them. I usually just focus on the act of making them.

ADEN

You probably should upload them somewhere else for safe keeping, though. In case your phone’s next fall is its last.

IRENE

You’re probably right.

ADEN

[NERVOUS] Can we please leave now? I don’t think your “eldritch monster” or whatever you called it is going to show up anytime soon.

IRENE

Yeah, let’s go.

[SHE GRUNTS AS SHE PUSHES HERSELF TO HER FEET.]

IRENE

Thank you. For uh, following me out into the woods and listening to me talk about my missing ex-girlfriend.

ADEN

Anytime! [HE PAUSES.] Actually, no, I never want to follow you into the woods to go monster hunting ever again. Er, no offense. Can you turn off the recording now?

IRENE

[SHE CHUCKLES.] Sure.

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

AUTOMATED VOICE

Today’s quote is:  “Real poetry, is to lead a beautiful life. To live poetry is better than to write it.”

Matsuo Bashō, 1644-1694.

[OUTRO MUSIC AND CREDITS PLAY.]

[95liners3rdmember]

Worth It

Chapter Two: Saying Thank You 

Word Count: 9632

Chapter One: First Meeting 

Tucking my phone into my back pocket, I have to do a double take of the group standing in front of me. I try to fight my facial expression but I can’t help but squint my eyes and the raising of my brow. The last thing I expected was an impromptu pajama party. 

“Ummm...you all didn’t have to come.” My voice croaks out as I lead the way into the apartment. Even though I know the apartment is as clean as it ever will be before I unpack, I nervously scan for a mess. I can’t help the boxes that litter the building for now though. 

“We figured eight is better than one, but we have to be quick or Jungkookie over here will be lost to video games.” Namjoon jokes as they make themselves at home, the bag Hoseok carried now is being emptied on the island. Soda and snacks. So I guess we really are having a party. 

“Thank you, again.” Now I feel guilty because I know they are all tired. But they are willingly coming to help me, a still somewhat stranger. 

“So where do you want to start?” Seokjin asks as he rolls up the sleeves of his RJ pajamas. 

I haven’t even gotten that far, I guess the easiest for them to do is the living room. It’s mainly gaming consoles, movies and pictures. That way they can entertain themselves while I unpack my office. 

“How about in here? All I have are games, movies and electronics. Could you do that while I went in my office? There’s a lot more to tackle in there.” My sisters would smack me for asking. I want to smack myself too but they seem more than happy to help. 

“No problem!” 

I walk down the small hallway to the box filled office and a heavy sigh leaves my lips. There’s so much to do here. My mind gets too lost in where and how to arrange everything that I didn’t notice Namjoon, Jimin and Yoongi walk in with me. 

“Whoa. There’s more boxes in here than the rest of the apartment.” Jimin’s eyes widen as he tries to find a place to start. 

“Reminds me of when we move offices.” Yoongi comments as he opens the box closest to him. Thankfully it’s only dvds from previous jobs or performances. 

“Then we know how to handle it.” Namjoon confidently pats my shoulder as I tugged up the sleeves of the sweater. Time to get some work done…

My eyes start to hurt as I try to figure out why my speakers are working with my desktop. We’ve been at it for almost two hours, I’ve lost Namjoon to the gaming party in the living room. Jimin has gotten lost in the pile of Naruto manga that is proudly displayed on a bookcase. Thankfully Yoongi has stayed with me. 

“Let me see, it may be a bad wire. It happened once in Genius Lab.” I wiggle from behind the desk and plop into the chair. My somewhat good mood has faded as the night goes on. This is really the last thing I need done before my office is fully unpacked. 

“Fixed. You had them switched.” Yoongi smiles lightly as he adjusts the desk and it sits flush against the wall. Thank god, now I need to get them all something for helping me so much.

“Thank you Yoongi. Why don’t you go join the others? I’m just going to break all the boxes down and pick up the trash.” 

He hesitates for a moment before nodding slowly, leaving a reading Jimin and a worn out me in the finished room. Honestly I couldn’t be happier. There’s just enough room where I can dance if I need to work out a move. Namjoon and I set up my camera so it can record if I get ideas, we mounted it above my desk so there aren’t any cords to trip over. I may be a dancer but I’m as clumsy as a person with two left feet. 

“Are you okay Y/n?” Turning on my heels I meet Jimin’s gaze. He’s putting the book back in its spot as he moves closer to me. I shake me head yes but I see a small box sitting on the ground. My legs wobble slightly as I move over to it and try to open the tape with my bare hands. Thankfully Jimin is thanking clearer than I am and grabs the scissors. 

“Thank you.” Slicing the tape, I see a few picture frames and my heart feels heavy. It’s a picture of me and my two sisters right before I left. They threw me surprise going away party with just us and a few family members. Tears start to prick at the corner of my eyes as I move to place it on my desk. 

“Are these your sisters?” Jimin asks as he shuffles through the box, turning I see him holding a picture frame. A weird mix of smile and smirk grace his lips. What picture could he have? 

Oh no. 

Fire lights in my cheeks as I try to take the photo away from him. Crap. That’s the last thing I wanted him to see. My sister and I are standing in age order with our backs turned to the camera, but our faces turned so you can see who is who, a thumb pointing to the back of our shirts as we stand in front of a large arena. It’s from our first time going to see BTS all together. Each of us wearing a different jersey style shirt. Of course they would pack this one in with my others even after I told them not to. 

“I guess Nikole thought it would be funny to pack this. It’s really embarrassing.”

“How? You all look excited.” 

“It was the first time the- we got to see you perform. One of the best shows I’ve ever seen.” I had to catch myself before I gave it away that I had been to others. 

“Here’s another one.” Jimin grabs the last frame out and I want to die. 

It’s a picture of me, wide smile with my army bomb staring up at the stage in awe. The lights in the background almost made it look like something from a fairy tail at how I was glowing. It was during the performance of ‘Fire’ that she took this because I was so proud to see my hard work come to life. 

Namjoon had sent us tickets for right by the stage that way we could somewhat see each other during sound check and the concert. I hadn’t kept up with the set list and when I say them running through ‘Fire’ I almost cried. So leave it to my youngest sister to take a picture of the actual concert performance. I swear I’m going to hide this picture in the deepest, darkest drawer I have here. 

Jimin mumbles something under his breath, it’s so soft and quick that I can’t make out what’s said. But there’s a strange tension in the room now. I clear my throat and take the second picture from him. 

“Ah I knew you had a favorite!” My whole body jumps and I almost drop the frames. Namjoon has been peering over my shoulder long enough to make out who’s is wearing each shirt. 

“Jesus Namjoon, you scared the life out of me.” As an instinct the words come out in English. The filter in my brain stopped working from being scared. Jimin can’t help but look at me as if I had a second head when the words came out in an accent he hadn’t heard much before. 

“I figured out Nikole and Nat’s that night but not yours. Seems you’ve been hiding something from me.” The grin on his face is full of playfulness and I can’t help but laugh. 

“I’m just messing with you, come on Jimin, Y/n. Kookie and Jin are the last two players in the contest. Let’s see who’s going to win.” Glancing over at Jimin another giggle slips through my lips as I notice his cheeks are painted a light shade of pink. The boys lead the way out but I quickly drop off the frames on my bed before joining them. 

All of the members have spread out across the couch and the floor. Empty boxes are stacked by the balcony door and everything seems to have found a home. They are quicker than I am, that’s for sure. Yoongi points over to the countertop and I see a pair of pajamas waiting for me. 

“Jungkookies clothes would be too big for you, I had an extra pair anyways.” 

“Thank you again. I’ll change after watching the last round though. I feel bad for leaving you all out here.” I scratch the back of my head and frown a little. Honestly I would’ve liked to spend more time out here but there was a lot to do. 

“Don’t worry about it! Also, I unpacked the kitchen and you need to go shopping.” Hoseok calls from his spot on the couch. He did the kitchen?! I really owe them, maybe I can take them to dinner tomorrow. 

“I should probably do that tomorrow after my luggage gets here.” Namjoon pats the couch and I happily oblige as my legs start to feel like a thousand pounds. I squeeze in between Namjoon and Taehyung. 

“You can go with me. I’ll come by and get you in the morning.” Hoseok is willing to volunteer himself for something I can handle on my own makes my heart jump. They really are the most welcoming and accepting group of people I’ve ever met. And I’ve met a lot of people in the entertainment industry. 

“I’d like that a lot.” Smiling, I lean back into the couch and shimmy out my phone. There’s not much going on except a few notifications from my email. I’m too tired to check them now but I will in the morning. Taehyung reaches over as my guard is down and goes to my secure app that I was told to download. BigHit is all about security, so they told me that they only message within secure and private app accounts. Smart by all means but it’s going to take some getting used to. 

A few minutes pass by as I watch him through heavy eyes and finally see that there are seven new contacts and a new group chat. Quietly I thank him but it’s drowned out by the cheering and hollering around us. Once again Jungkook proves he’s superior at most things. I fight against my body screaming for sleep as I clap along. 

Namjoon gently nudges me and I look at him with a weak smile. He knows, well they all know too well what exhaustion can do to a person's body. 

“Alright everyone, time to go. Some of us have work to do tomorrow.” Being the ever vigilant leader, he manages to wrangle the members. A few protests come from the younger three and I told them we could all get together another time. 

I wave goodbye and tell them how thankful I am for them helping me as they single file out of the apartment. Shutting the door, I lock it slowly and trudge back to the bedroom turning off the lights as I go. My hands grab at the clothes on the counter and I stumble into my room. 

A few ideas pop into my mind at how to decorate but that can wait, for now I need to sleep. Gently I peel off Namjoon’s sweater and fold it nicely. I’ll make sure to have it cleaned for him before giving it back. 

Like a zombie I change into the comfy clothing and cleanup before bed. My head feels so much better as the buns come tumbling down. I can’t even look at the mirror knowing that I look as bad as I feel. 

Crawling into the bed, my mind can’t seem to turn off as my body aches for sleep. I guess I’m missing home just a little. On instinct I reach for my phone that’s plugged up and rest it where I can lay in bed and video chat. Clicking on Nat’s name I patiently wait. 

“Why are you still awake?”  I look around in the background and I can tell she’s back at home already. Her exam must be finished already. 

“I can’t sleep.” My voice feels foreign to my ears. I wonder if this is how Namjoon feels. 

“Then tell me about your day. I haven’t really gotten to talk to you since you left.” It’s no secret that Nat hates being separated from Nikole and I. That’s why it was difficult for her to accept that I was leaving. There were tons of late nights spent packing and just talking. 

“There’s not much to tell. Dinner was interesting though.” My eyes start to close, they feel like a thousand pounds. 

“I would hope so. I mean after all you got to hangout with seven of the coolest people ever.” I huff out a laugh at my sister’s comment. Nuzzling my head into the pillows as I struggle to pull the covers up, Nat lets out a small huff.

“Get some sleep sis.” 

Buzz ...Buzz...Buzz….

My eyes screw close tighter as I blindly reach for my phone on the nightstand. Groaning out in frustration I finally grab the cold device and shiver slightly as I lift it to my ear, the cord snagging as I struggle with it. 

“Hello…” My voice cracks towards the end as I roll over to see sunlight pouring in from the window beside me. What time is it?

“Good morning y/n! It’s Hoseok, I thought you wanted help going shopping this morning?” There’s a slight teasing tone in his voice, pulling my phone away I check the time. 1:30 p.m. Crap!

There’s a knock on my door and I instantly take off sprinting. I must look crazy because as I fling the door open Hoseok jumps back with a look of pure shock. His phone slowly drops from his ear and he quickly ends the call. In front of him sit my three suitcases that went missing yesterday. Thank god they are here. 

“I’m so sorry. I overslept, please tell me you weren’t waiting too long.” I bow slightly but I snap back up when a breeze hits my skin. How could I forget that I’m not wearing my own clothes?! Idiot.

“When Namjoon couldn’t get ahold of you I went ahead and did a few other errands.” My eyes dart back to the phone in my hands and notice the dozens of missed calls and texts. One being an email from BigHit…..fantastic. 

“I guess you aren’t too used to jet lag like the rest of us. Why don’t you get dressed and I’ll take you to get some coffee.” Hoseok smiles widely and I feel a new bubble of energy burst in my body. Grabbing two of the suitcases, I roll them into the apartment before grabbing the third one. 

“Give me like...5 minutes. I’ll try to be quick.” Bowing apologetically, I snatch my pink suitcase and take off for my bedroom. My feet barely miss the empty boxes that litter the living room from last night. I’ll have to figure out where to take these later this afternoon. 

Slamming my door shut louder than I intended I make myself jump. Skimming through my notifications I get the gist of what all I missed; my sisters being nosey and overprotective, Namjoon trying to wake the sleeping beast, a few texts from Hoseok trying to figure out if I’m awake and lastly an email reminding me of the meeting at 8am on Monday which has a dress code of business casual. So I’ll have to take a bag of my dance clothes to change into. I might as well leave some in my office if this is a regular thing. 

Tossing my phone to the side, I unzip the large suitcase and pull out my favorite Saturday outfit. Stripping out of Yoongi’s shorts I jump around as I tug up the black ripped skinny jeans, almost tripping over my carry on. Lord today might be my last day on earth with how clumsy I’ve been today. Cheering quietly in victory I gently take off Jungkook’s huge shirt and dress myself in my version of the white T-shirt, top it all off with a black and red flannel, finishing it off with white converse. Perfect. Now time to take the mane. 

“Hey y/n are these videos the ones you made before moving?” Hoseok yells out from the office as I shove my toothbrush into my mouth. Closing my lips around the brush, I throw my hair up into a messy bun and emerge from my room. 

“Yes….I can...show you...later.” I manage to say through foamed toothpaste without looking like a crazy person. It must be an entertaining look because Hoseok tried hard to hide his laughter. Running back, I spit out the foam and grab the face mask Jimin gave me last night just in case. 

Grabbing everything I need, phone-check, purse-check, mask-check, keys...in the purse. 

“Ready?” Tilting my head to the side, a child like smile spreads on my face. I’ve never been this excited to go grocery shopping before. Must be the sunshine effect of the famous J-Hope. It feels weird to call him by his stage name so I’ll just wait until he tells me to. 

“Let’s get going! But first coffee. There’s a little shop down the road and they know to be discreet.” 

Discretion. Something I’ve never really been used to but now it’s a huge factor in my job. Being around one of the fastest growing bands in the world comes with more media attention. Their stylist and trainers don’t really get much exposure but I saw their old choreographer a lot more in photos and videos. The fans didn’t say much because it was another guy. I can just imagine what the fans will think with a woman around all the time. 

I knew the risks, I’m very well aware that one wrong step could lead to me being back home. Is this even acceptable? Going shopping with one of the members and their manager doesn’t sound like a situation that’s allowed. But if it was a big deal Namjoon would’ve stopped me. 

There’s a black van pulled up to the front and a large man standing outside of vehicle. Security. Better safe than sorry. 

“Sorry. Normally our managers drive us around.” 

“It’s fine. I know your safety is more important. If it’s too much of a hassle I can always go on my own.”

“No way! You’re not going to get rid of me that easily. After yesterday I can’t wait to see what you’ve come up with.” 

A sincere sunshine smile radiates from Hoseok as he slides the van door open for us. Fumbling with my mask I hop into my seat. The door slams loudly and my nerves start to go haywire. It’s justifiable though considering I’ve never been alone with any other member beside Namjoon for more than a few minutes. This adventure could hours…

Snatching my phone out of my purse I send a quick text to Namjoon letting him know that I’m internally freaking out. 

Y/N:‘Why did I agree to this? I feel like Hoseok will get bored of me.’

RM: ‘Just be yourself. See you later, working on something.’

“Is it nice having a Saturday off Hoseok? I remember Namjoon telling me once that getting a full weekend off feels like a vacation.” It’s no secret that each member works themselves to the bone. Namjoon has told me countless times that Yoongi would stay for days on end in the studio.  

“It’s strange but I’m glad. There was a lot of things I needed to get done today and this is the last errand.” His fingers are typing quickly on the screen. Looking away so I don’t invade his privacy, my eyes take in the scenery. Small shops and large crowds fill the streets. 

“I’m so sorry for making you wait. I feel bad. You all were more than willing to help me last night.” Looking down at the phone, I lock it and slide it into my purse. I still need to figure out how to repay them for their help. Last night I thought I could make dinner but it may just be easier if I take everyone out. 

The car comes to a stop in front of a small coffee shop. Shuffling through my purse, I bring up the white mask and cautiously wrap around my ears. Last night was almost a disaster when I felt the straps tug at my earrings. Pulling the door, Hoseok jumps out and holds the door open long enough for me to exit as well. The manager leads the way as we enter the small shop. 

It’s adorable. Small tables line the walls and there’s a large bookcase beside the register. Maybe on my next day off I can come in and read a book. Smiling I stand behind Hoseok and stare at the menu. Bouncing on the balls of my feet as I order an iced coffee, my eyes wander around the shop. I can’t help but notice a few curious customers staring at the two of us. For some reason my heart starts to hammer in my chest. The last thing I want is to get Hoseok in trouble.

“Don’t worry too much. I come here a lot, with and without security.” His words calm my heart a little, but I still want to leave. I guess it’s the gitters of being so close to a member of BTS. Or maybe because I haven’t even gotten to work a real first day yet. 

Hoseok pats my shoulder lightly as our names are called. Taking my cup with a quiet ‘thank you’ I follow the man in front of me back into the safety of the van. Tugging the mask down to take a sip I feel a sigh of relief escape my body. 

“I didn’t realize last night that you have so many piercings. They look really cool.” Raising a hand up I trace the line of piercings. The studs feel rough under my finger as I twist the one on the bottom.

“It’s something my sisters and I did growing up. It was almost a competition, if one of us would get another the other two would. Nikole has more though, I stopped with the three on top and bottom.” The last time I got a piercing was after the BTS concert. Adrenaline was pumping through me and it was all I could think of. 

“Jungkookie will be jealous that you have more than him.” His giggle makes my body vibrate with energy. Being around Hoseok is like being around a ball of pure, fun energy. It makes me want to run a mile, clean my entire house and dance for hours. None of which I’ll get done today but it’s a nice thought. 

Pulling into a large parking lot, there’s a lot more people than I thought would be. That’s what I get for sleeping in so late. Definitely not going to bed at a decent time tonight. 

“Ms. y/l/n, Hoseok you will have to be quick. Traffic is starting to pick up and it will just be safer.” Nodding slowly, all four of us exit the van and make our way to the store. Hoseok bumps my shoulder as we both grab a cart. Laughing lightly, I bump against him as I walk beside him. 

As we walk through the store, both of our carts start to fill up. His more than mine though since he’s getting enough for seven compared to my one. The more that we’re inside, the more my face starts to feel warmer and warmer from the mask. I should’ve worn one back home to adjust. 

“What else do you need Hoseok?” Clearing my throat, I tug at the mask to let a small breeze of cool air in. I don’t want to seem like I’m rushing him because he was nice enough to wait for me. 

“Um...I think I need to get some milk and then I’m done. Are you feeling okay? I noticed you messing with the mask.” 

“I’m fine. Just getting a little toasty, don’t worry about it.” Adding some cheer into my voice, I pick up the pace beside him. A few people look at us as we pass them, a few younger girls have their phones out giggling in groups. I really hope no one notices Hoseok right now. 

“Um, do you think everyone would like to go to dinner tonight? My treat.” Those words make him stop in his tracks. A goofy laugh erupts from his chest as he almost doubles over. 

“After last night I think everyone would like that, but are you sure about paying? Jungkook and Jin could out eat anyone you’ve met.” 

“I’m completely sure. I need to make sure you all eat well before I put you to work on Monday.” Winking at him, we make our way to the checkout counter and start to pay for everything. The process of checking out is so much quicker than our almost hour long shopping trip. I can’t believe we’ve been here that long. 

Patiently waiting for Hoseok, I hold tightly to the handles I look around at the rest of the store. There’s definitely more people, I can’t help but swallow nervously. The voice in the back of my mind telling me it was a bad idea. 

“All done! Let’s get back.” His singsong voice calms me as all four of us make our way back to the van. Being careful to divide our things into two different piles, we jump right back in and sink into the plush seats. Hoseok quickly pulls out his phone and types at the speed of lightning. Pulling my mask down, I take in a deep breath. 

“Everyone but Namjoon and Yoongi will help us carry all of this stuff up.” A strange wave of guilt hits me. 

“Hoseok don’t worry about me. I can carry all of mine up.” 

“Call me J-Hope, everyone does. And don't worry about it. It’s no big deal.” 

Of course I could only get away with being so formal for so long. And there’s no point in arguing with him either. 

“Good. And the quicker we get these groceries put away the faster I can watch the videos.” Even through the mask I see a smirk. 

I can’t help but smirk too. Of course there’s a hidden meaning behind the kind actions. Two can sort of play that game too. 

“Very true. But don’t tell the others. Take it as a thank you for going shopping with me.” I elbow him gently as I winked at him. Earning me a genuine Hoseok laugh. 

The drive back is quicker and before I know it the four other members are waiting somewhat calmly down at the front door. It’s strange to see them so ...domestic. 

Hoseok jumps out of the van as soon as it’s parked, which gets him a slight scolding from his manager. I can’t help but giggle. Not even worrying about the mask, I follow suit and jump out. All of the boys are dressed in joggers and long sleeve shirts. Their hair disarray from laying around and enjoying their day off. Taehyung greets me with a large boxy smile and an enthusiastic wave. 

“Hobi hyung I think you got too much.” Jimin slightly complains as he grabs the bags Hoseok passes. Wiggling my way through I manage to grab all of my bags but some get taken from my hands. I teeter for a second at the sudden weight shift as I stare at a grinning Taehyung.

“Oh, thank you Taehyung.” 

“No problem!” 

He leads the way with a bounce in his step and I can’t help to put a little more pep in my step. As we enter the building I can’t help but feel like someone is staring at me. Glancing over my shoulder I catch the quick turn of Jimin’s head as he busies himself by grabbing bags. Maybe I’m just being paranoid. 

The ride up to the apartment is quiet but in a relaxing way. I don’t feel pressured to start or continue a conversation or ask questions. It’s nice. 

As the elevator dings, I step out and Taehyung is right behind me. Unlocking my door, I move flat against the door so he can enter before me. 

“Do you need help getting rid of those boxes y/n?” His head nods towards the large pile of broken down boxes and a bag full of paper. That’s something else I need to take care of today before Hoseok comes over. But then again there’s no point in rushing myself to completely move in after only being here a full day. 

“I was going to take care of them later Taehyung, thank you though.” His smile never fades as he bounces to the door again after dropping the bags on the kitchen counter. With a quick wave, the door shuts loudly and I’m left in a silent apartment. A sigh wrecks through my body as I trudge into the kitchen. Setting down the bags, I fish out my phone and open up the group chat Taehyung created. 

Y/N:‘To say thank you for everything, why don’t we all go out to dinner tonight? My treat :)’

Leaving my phone sit unlocked, I start to figure out how I want to arrange everything. Humming along to a random tune, my phone vibrates nonstop for a solid minute before I finally get to check it. 

Kookie:’Be ready at 6 noona! I’ll come get you!’

J-Hope:’I told you this might be a bad idea, Jin hyung and Kookie are already getting a reservation.’

Jin:’Eating is never a bad idea, see you at 6 y/n!’

RM:’I go to work in the studio for a few hours...see you soon everyone.’

A few more texts come in from Taehyung and Yoongi but Jimin stays silent. Letting out a huff, I throw all the bags into the trash can and before I can shuffle off into my room a loud knock echoes from the front door. Hoseok.

“Come in!” I yell from the living room and he’s practically jumping as he takes a seat on the couch. Giggling I load the dvd into the player and take a seat beside him.

“I’m going to have to tweak it a little once I see everyone grouped together. But it’s basically the finished product.” 

“Lets see it. I haven’t been this excited to have practice in a long time.” 

My heart flutters at his words as I press play. A wave of nervousness washes over me as I try to gauge his reaction. For the first time he’s completely expressionless around me. Biting the inside of my cheek I curl up into a ball and pick at my nails. He probably hates it. Or he probably wishes that I didn’t replace their previous coach. As the song comes to an end, the screen fades to black. I can’t bring myself to look at him as the next song plays. 

An excruciating twenty minutes later, the DVD stops playing and silence hangs around us. I almost want to run into a studio and start over on everything without even hearing his opinions. 

“That ...are you sure we can’t start today?!”

Huh….

Glancing over at him, my stomach settles and I can’t help but burst out laughing. Here I was thinking that he hated it. Hoseok’s brows furrow together as I laugh even harder at his reaction.

“Sorry...ha..I thought you hated it. I was ready to run to the company and remake everything.”

“Ah, sorry…But honestly this is pretty incredible. It’s intricate and eye catching. We’ve got our work cut out for us this time for sure.” Hoseok searches for his phone and lets out a deep sigh. His expression went from carefree to annoyed in the blink of an eye, I wonder what’s going on.

“I have to go, but I’ll see you for dinner.” He’s off the couch instantly as he forces a smile saying goodbye. 

I can’t wrap my mind around what just happened as I stare at the closed door. Maybe something came up with the members? It’s none of my business though, whatever happens in their personal life is completely private and I shouldn’t pry into it.

Tossing the remote onto the coffee table, I fall back into the couch and stare up at the white ceiling. For the first time in days, I’m not exhausted. Every fiber of my being is surging with energy to do something, anything really. The only thing really left to do is unpack my bedroom. Perfect. 

Tapping my phone screen to double check the time, I have enough time to unload all of my suitcases and play around with my room. Connecting my phone to the speaker in my room music starts to fill the silent apartment and a large smile spreads on my lips. My eyes land on the pictures that I hid away in my room last night. Instantly I grab them and place them on top of the dresser so they wouldn’t get broken. 

I can’t believe that Jimin found those last night, actually I can’t believe my sister packed those without me even knowing. Actually I can. My sister would do anything to embarssess me in front of each and every member. They’ve managed to do so in front of Namjoon so many times that I’ve just gotten used to it. But the worst case scenario for me is Park Jimin. I’ve always admired his style of dance and how he can move so seamlessly with any genre of music. 

The music in my room stops playing and ‘Just One Day’ starts blaring through the speakers. My cheeks flush red as I search for my phone that’s mixed in with the massive pile of clothes littering my bed. I finally find it and roll my eyes at the caller id. 

“Yes Namjoon…” There’s a slight annoyance in my voice but it disappears when I hear a few different chuckles in the background. 

“I just wanted to call and let you know to dress up.” Dress up? Where in the world are we going?

“Um...why?” I hear a few more giggles in the background before Namjoon hushed everyone. 

“Seems that everyone is going a little over the top tonight outfit wise. Taehyung came out completely overdressed and now everyone else is trying to outdo each other.” 

“You did warn me that they could be a little over the top.” Sighing I look at the piles of clothes, at least this time I have plenty of options. But I’m definitely calling Nat for some input, after all having a fashion designer in the family comes in handy. 

“It’s a surprise. I just wanted to give you enough heads up.” 

“Thanks. I guess I better finish up what I’m doing so I can look presentable for everyone.” I can’t help but chuckle as I end the call and frantically call my sister. Hopefully she’s still awake. 

Who am I kidding, that girl runs off of two hours of sleep and coffee. 

Clicking on the facetime icon, I run and start the shower so I can just jump in once Nat ends the call. Just as I suspect, her face pops on the screen. Her hair is thrown up into a messy bun and she’s sitting at her desk. She’s probably working overtime on her midterm project like always. 

“Nat I need help!” The desperation is clear in my voice as I flip the camera over to look at the mess of clothes. An annoyed sigh comes through the speaker as she rolls her eyes.

“Hello to you too dear sister. Last time I checked you moved halfway around the world....how could I possibly help you?” 

“I need your expert advice. Help me pick out a nice outfit for dinner tonight, pretty please!” Flipping the camera back around I pout at the screen which earns me a gut filled laugh from Nat. Honestly if it wasn’t for her I would be constantly dressed in leggings and tank tops. 

“Fine. But what do I get out of it?” I know she’s teasing me but I feel bad for interrupting her work. I’ll have to think about something just so she knows that I appreciate everything. 

“I’ll think of something like always. But please Nat, I don’t have long to figure out some sort of outfit and get myself presentable.”

“You’re acting like this is some huge dinner. Is it a work event?” 

“Uh, you could say that I guess. I’m going with people I work with.” It’s not a lie but it’s not the truth either. The last thing I want is another lecture from my little sister about boundaries and keeping work separate outside of the office. 

“Good to know that you still try to keep secrets from me, but I won’t ask. Since I know all of the clothes you own, how about the black turtle neck with the red skirt. Wear the thigh high black heels.” 

My eyes dart around the pile as I grab the items she lists off and I can’t help but smile. Nat is going to make a great stylist for sure once she’s out of college. Whoever she works for will be really lucky. 

“Anything else dear sister?” 

“Don’t go over the top with anything else, keep it simple. Curl your hair though.” 

“Thank you, how’s the project coming? I know that you only have about a month or so left.” 

“I’ve been struggling with finding the right accent piece. But it’s not going to stop me from passing. Anyways it was great talking but I really need to finish this, it’s due on Monday.” 

“You’ll do amazing considering you can style me from halfway around the world. Love you!”

She blows a kiss at the camera as the screen goes black. I release a sigh of relief, I’m beyond glad that she didn’t try to pry too much into things. Hanging the items up on a hanger, I hurry and put away the rest of my clothes and suitcases. It’s a rushed job but it will do for now. Later on I can always rearrange and make it look nicer. But for now I have to hurry and get ready. 

A few hours later and a few energy drinks later I’m completely dressed and ready to go. Taking all of Nat’s advice, I bend down and zip up the heels. My hair falls in my face and I huff out an annoyed breath to blow it away. Normally I love to keep my hair up and out of the way since it’s so long but tonight isn’t a night where I can do that. But maybe I can pin it back. Shuffling to the bathroom, stupid heels, I twist a small section on each side and pin it back so my face is hair free. All of my piercings are visible as well and I can’t help but smile. Maybe the next time I get together with my sisters I’ll add on another one. 

Switching off the bathroom light, I move back into my room and dig out my small black boy bag and throw my phone and keys inside. Hopefully we are driving because I highly doubt I’ll be able to walk all the way to and from the restaurant like last time. Turning towards my closet I catch my reflection in the full length mirror and instantly my stomach tightens. 

All my life I’ve been self conscious about my body and looks. By no means am I overweight but I’ve always felt the pressure of fitting into the social standard of “thin and beautiful”. Since I’ve danced my entire life my legs are more toned and have more muscle than other women my size. Whenever I wear skirts or dresses I always feel a little people are silently judging me for wearing something so revealing and not having that picture perfect thigh gap. 

Pulling at the hem of the skirt I stand straight up and suck in a deep breath. I really hope they don’t think I look too bad. And I really hope they don’t think this outfit is a normal occurrence either. This will be one of the only times I wear something like this in front of them. 

A loud knock at the door snaps me out of my inner thoughts and I take in another deep breath. 

“Let’s do this.” 

Switching off the lights as I go, I open the door to a smiling Jungkook. He’s jumping on the balls of his feet as I step into the hallway and lock my door. Looks like Namjoon was being serious about dressing up, Jungkook’s wearing dress pants with a navy blue dress shirt. He looks like he’s about to go to an interview, not dinner with his brothers and his choreographer. 

“You look nice noona. Ready for dinner?” A bunny smile graces his lips, it’s the most pure smile I’ve ever seen. Nodding yes and whispering out a small thank you we ride the elevator down to the lobby where the other six men are waiting for us. 

And if I didn’t have as much respect as I do for them I might have just fangirl. Each of them is dressed like Jungkook but with a different colored shirt. Namjoon was being dead serious about it being almost a competition. My cheeks heat up as everyone turns to look at us and I meet eyes with Jimin. Crap. After him finding my picture yesterday I feel weird around him. What if he thinks I’m just some crazy fan that’s trying to get close to everyone. 

“Do you mind driving one of the cars y/n? Jin is going to drive too that way we don’t have to walk everywhere.” Namjoon walks over to greet me with a dimpled smile.

“Absolutely, who’s riding with us?” His smile fades as he adjusts the glasses on his face.

“Actually I don’t know where the restaurant is. JK and Jin have been there a few times. The maknae line actually all called dibs on riding with you.” 

There’s a bunch of snickers and giggles around us. I guess there’s no getting out of this one. I mean what could possibly go wrong with the four of us in a car? I mean we’re all about the same age anyways. 

“Sounds like a plan.” Walking towards the door, I walk past most of them except for Namjoon who’s keeping pace right beside me. The others are hot on our heels but that doesn’t stop Namjoon from picking on me.

“I’m guessing you called Natalie since you hung up on me earlier.” He elbows me gently, which normally wouldn’t cause me to stumble but since I’m in these awful heels I teater just a tad. Someone grabs my waist to help me rebalance but it’s gone as soon as it was there, snapping my head to the side I catch a glimpse of Jimin walking past. Maybe I just imagined it, I mean it was super quick. 

“I call passenger!” Jungkook screams and goes running for my car. Taehyung is right behind him as they race for the spot. Looking over at Namjoon he mouths out ‘good luck’ as he gets into Jin’s car. Great….

Jungkook whips out his phone and instantly starts to play music over the bluetooth. In the backseat Taehyung and Jimin sing along and dance. We haven’t even left the parking lot yet. Buckling up, Jungkook just tells me to follow behind Jin. There’s no questions asked but instead we have our own karaoke montage. Anything from their early music to new music by American artists. Thankfully we make it to the restaurant in no time. 

As soon as we make it into the private room, I take the seat beside Namjoon and tap his shoulder firmly. That was a long car ride and we only went ten minutes down the road. It’s like he can read my mind as he pours me a small glass of soju. Smoothing my skirt down, I sit down and accept his offer of apology. Sipping the glass slowly the seat next to me gets taken by Jungkook quickly as Taehyung and Jimin snag the seats across from me. I can’t lie that the ride was fun but it was chaotic. I never realized how much energy they all have, not just Jungkook. 

“Did all of the maknae have fun?” Yoongi chuckles as he looks through the menu. Shrugging my shoulders I continue to sip my glass and read through the menu. 

“We might steal noona on the way back though. She hasn’t gotten to explore much since she just got here.” My eyes widen as I choke on my drink slightly. This was definitely not something I planned on doing. Jungkook turns to me with a twinkle in his eyes but this time I have to say no. There’s too many risks.

“I’m sorry Jungkook, maybe another time. I don’t think it’s such a good idea for all of us to go out. We could get spotted, I could get in trouble with BigHit. Maybe another time okay?”

The pout that forms on his lips makes me want to instantly take back everything I said but I can’t. Maybe after I get on good terms with everyone at the company then I can possibly take him up on the offer of exploring. 

“Listen to her Jungkookie. The last thing we want is for y/n to not even start her first day and get in trouble.” Yoongi comments to relieve me from the instant guilt I feel from telling him no. Listening to his hyung he nods and starts to talk with Hoseok. Smiling, I look back down at the menu and breath deeply. Looking through my lashes I notice Jimin and Taehyung looking at me discreetly. Or at least trying to. What if Jimin told him about the picture? Mentally I smack myself because I know that I’m being a little paranoid. If there was a problem Namjoon would’ve said something already. 

After placing our orders, the room is filled with laughter and numerous stories. I try to chime in here and there but I’m too interested in listening. So I sit quietly in my chair as Namjoon and I work on a bottle of wine that he’s ordered. Everyone seems to be having fun so the atmosphere is light and bubbly. I lean over and turn my head away from everyone to whisper to Namjoon. 

“This is probably the wine talking, but what you all have is special.” A gentle smile rest on both of our faces as I turn to take in the rest of the members. They are all smiling and seem to be carefree despite their hectic and unpredictable lives. An occupational hazard of being an idol. 

“It’s been a struggle, you know that. I feel like we’re finally at a place where our music helps others.” The sincerity in his voice makes me nod in agreement as goosebumps form under my sleeves. 

“It does, more than you all know.” Smiling brightly at him, I look across and notice that the maknaes have been watching the small conversation between us. Taehyung seems to be watching closer than the other two but he turns away quickly when Hoseo calls for him. 

Letting out the breath I had been holding in, the food comes out in platters on the table. Everyone starts to fill their plates as the conversations still seem to pour out. I nibble on my food, too much wine in my system, as I listen to them recall day from their debut times. My heart clenches as I want to comment on their first performance in the states but Namjoon and I both made an agreement. One that I plan on keeping. 

“You’re quiet y/n, is everything okay?”

“Huh, oh yeah everything’s fine Jimin. I’m just taking everything in.” 

“Did I tell you guys that y/n went to a concert of ours back in the states?” Jimin smiles as he looks at me straight on. His tone isn’t mean in any way, more like playful teasing but I can’t help the blush forming on my face. 

“Ah, my sisters and I went to one. It was amazing! Probably one of the best nights of our lives.” Nervously I reach for my chopsticks and start poking at the food on my plate. I feel my phone buzz in my bag but I ignore it as I try to divert attention away from me. 

“It looked like it. What was your favorite song on the setlist?” 

“Fire, for sure. It was…” I stop midway through to try and process how I felt seeing my choreo performed. My heart was racing as I sang along with every word and tried not to dance along as well. There was a surge of energy and pure adrenaline that kept me up for hours after the concert. 

“Something else. I guess seeing all the hard work that was put into the song and choreo...there’s no other feeling greater than that.” Tilting my head to the side a large smile forms as I look back up at everyone. The sincerity in my answer seems to resonate with the members as they all nod in agreement. We continue eating our dinner in a peaceful silence. Relaxing into my chair I suck in a breath of relief.

Once dinner is over and the drinks have ran dry, a few of the members excuse themselves to go to the restroom or are trying to get ready to leave. For the first time I’m left alone with Jin and it’s fun. Everyone else makes fun of him for his dad jokes but yet I love them. Laughing up a storm, I look around for anyone else but it seems they’re all waiting. 

“I guess I need to get the bill. Everyone seems to be waiting outside.” 

“They have to wait for us either way since we are the two that drove. But about the bill…Yoongi may or may not have already paid while we were sitting here.” Jin gently shrugs his shoulders as I facepalm myself. This was supposed to be my way of thanking everyone for helping. He stands from the table and motions with his head to follow him. 

Groaning I stand up and grab my bag tightly. Standing next to Jin is slightly intimidating even with these heels on. He opens the front door for me and I bow in thanks as we meet with group. Yoongi scratches at the back of his head as I shoot him a slight annoyed glare. But my eyes soften as I get closer to him. 

“Thank you Yoongi. This was supposed to be my treat though.” I say quietly as I stand in front of him, still not quiet eye level.

“Just go easy on us.” He finishes with a wink and goes towards Jin’s car. It seems like this is our que to head back to the dorms. Halfway skipping and partially stumbling because of these stupid heels, I open the driver door and plop down. 

As soon as the car starts, all four of us sing along to some random song playing on the radio. Of course the other three sound amazing compared to me but it makes the drive go by quicker. That and the fact that it’s late and not many people are out. My eyes bulge out slightly at the time displayed on the dashboard...it’s almost 10:30. I can’t believe we were at dinner for almost four hours, that’s insane. But I guess it makes sense considering there were eight of us. 

“Are we going to be starting everything on Monday?” Taehyung yells over the music causing me to turn it down and interrupt Jimin and Jungkook’s mini concert. 

“Yes. But first I have a meeting with all the department heads. After that I’ll do a run through with each of you individually. Hoseok will show you the video while I’m gone.”

They all seem to absorb everything I’m saying as I pull into a parking spot. Jungkook and Taehyung jump out of the car as I let out a deep sigh before turning off the car. Jimin moves just as slowly as I do. I can’t tell whether he’s tired or is bored, but I’m not going to interrogate him. Opening my door, I lock the car as I watch the swarm of men walk through the doors. Instead of following them, I walk over to a bench that’s nestled between two trees on the edge of the building. 

Sitting down slowly, I crane my neck back so I can look up at the night sky. Back at home if you stayed out late enough you could see a sky full of stars but there are too many lights for that here. Stargazing has been a nightly occurrence for the past few months. These past few months I’ve been working around the clock and running on coffee. It’s nice to see that all of that hard work finally got me here but the exhaustion is definitely catching up to me. 

“You’ll catch a cold if you stay out here too long without a jacket.” 

Snapping my head over my hair spills over my face and I let out a huff of annoyance. Reaching into my bag, I pull out my backup hairtie and pull it into a high ponytail. Jimin takes the empty seat next to me and looks up at the sky as well. Silently I’m thankful that he doesn’t want to lecture me any further or have a conversation. Returning my gaze upwards I hear Jimin take in a deep breath.

There’s a tension in the air. It feels like both of us want to say something but we are too afraid too. Turning my head slowly I look at the man beside me and I instantly snap my head back. My cheeks feel hot and my stomach does a flip. All of this feels like a dream, one that I’m going to wake up from at any moment. But yet here I am.

“Let’s head inside. Last thing I want is for the famous Park Jimin to catch a cold before I get a chance to work with him.” 

Standing up simultaneously I turn my head to the side and show him a small smile. He musters a nod as he walks beside me quietly. Warmth hits us as we enter the building and I don’t realize how cold I was until my hands start shaking. Jimin hits all the buttons for us as we ride in complete silence as we reach his floor.

“Good night Jimin.”

“Good night y/n.”

The doors close as he’s still looking at me and I let out a breath I had been holding. Monday is going to be a challenge. Could he be questioning my credibility? Or my skill all together. I know that I danced with them for a song and then let them watch the choreo I made. But I know better than anyone that people can look talented by those but turn out to be a complete fraud. Practicing the same thing over and over again will make you a pro at that one thing. 

The beeping of the elevator pulls me from my head as I march to my front door. Excitement rushes through my veins at the thought of taking off my shoes and changing into something more...well me. The apartment is quiet as I make my way back to my bedroom and change into my pajamas. 

Before I know it, I’m huddled up in my blankets reading through the twenty emails I missed from BigHit while I was out today. I’ll give them credit, as a company they stay in constant contact and make sure everyone is on the same page with each and every department. And everyone knows the schedule of the others.

‘BigHit Monday Schedule:

8:00-9:30 Meeting in main conference room

9:45-12:45 BTS training with y/n in dance room 1

12:45-1:45 Lunch

2:00-3:15 BTS fitting with stylist

3:30-5:00 Individual schedules 

5:15-6:30 Studio time

Any activity after 6:30 is considered free time/training time.’ 

They weren’t kidding when they said they had busy schedules. I get them for three hours on Monday and that’s it. I’ll have to step up my game then. Maybe I’ll get more time throughout the week because I’ll need way more time than 15 hours a week. But if that’s all I get then I’ll have to make some changes to the choreo. 

Looks like this is going to be more of a challenge than I originally thought. But I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge. 

[galileosunshine]

All of them :)

Oh boy, here we go. SORRY FOR THIS BEING SO LONG ^^;;

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Coffe mugs bc I’m kinda afraid of breaking teacups or wine glasses, and I just don’t like water bottles or soda cans! XD

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Depends on my mood ^^

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

COTTON CANDY! They are magical.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

I was always the teacher’s pet ahaha

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Glass cups!

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Formal! I don’t think I’d look good in the other styles

7. earbuds or headphones?

Aaah I love headphones but they’re expensive... so I have earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

generally movies unless I get super invested in a tv show!

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Watermelons!

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

None of them lol (I guess I was decent at basketball)

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Scrambled eggs and toast with strawberry jam

12. name of your favorite playlist?

I don’t really make playlists! I usually listen by album or artist!

13. lanyard or key ring?

Hmm... key ring?

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Sour skittles or sour punch straw bites!

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

East of Eden by John Steinbeck. A truly remarkable story about man’s free will in choosing good or evil 

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Seiza

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

The ones I have now. They’re brown leather shoes that can pass as formal but aren’t really XD

18. ideal weather?

Sunny but cool!

19. sleeping position?

On my right side with one arm under my pillow!

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

In a notebook

21. obsession from childhood?

Idk if I have any... an interest in space?

22. role model?

My mom. She’s a strong woman

23. strange habits?

After I eat a plum I like to keep the pit in my mouth and suck on it for like... an hour.... (or more...)

24. favorite crystal?

Peacock ore (idk crystals well but on a buzzfeed quiz that’s what I picked)

25. first song you remember hearing?

My mom singing to me in Chinese “This is the day that the Lord hath made”

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Eat watermelon

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

....cuddle ^^;

28. five songs to describe you?

Aaahhh..... 

Aoi Chi, and Hoshi wo Otosu by Galileo Galilei

Ashita ni wa Subete ga Owaru Toshite by Kinoko Teikoku

Mayonaka no Orchestra by Aqua Timez

Light Delight by Poppin’ Party

29. best way to bond with you?

Listen to Galileo Galilei with me... but this might be asking a bit much so I wouldn’t push it. Next would be, watching anime together? ^^;

30. places that you find sacred?

religious structures/monuments, graves and cemeteries, the usual sacred places...  and anyone’s personal bookshelf. 

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

I don’t wanna kick ass or take names :(

32. top five favorite vines?

THERE’S TOO MANY I LIKE and I don’t keep track of them!!!

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“Hhh...” “Asghkjsdjf;as”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

Not really, I don’t watch tv much anymore

35. average time you fall asleep?

2-3 a.m.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

... don’t remember

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Suitcase!

38. lemonade or tea?

depends on mood!

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon cake!

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Idk...

41. last person you texted?

My twin

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Jacket pockets!!!

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Hoodie or cardigan!

44. favorite scent for soap?

I like my pomegranate one rn ^^

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

oooh... sci-fi or superhero!

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

my gym shorts from middle school and a thin t-shirt XD

47. favorite type of cheese?

Gah I don’t like cheese by itself much or in large concentrations

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

I don’t know! I tried asking my friends this too but they couldn’t say either lol

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

“Never be cruel, never be cowardly, and if you ever are, always make amends.” That or, “be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

Ahhh... I can’t remember but it was probably sometime hanging out with friends

51. current stresses?

My exams hhh....

52. favorite font?

No preference ^^;

53. what is the current state of your hands?

?? mine are kinda rough and dry....

54. what did you learn from your first job?

Don’t try to take on everything by yourself. 

55. favorite fairy tale?

Journey to the West (Sun Wu Kong), although this may be too long to count as a fairy tale aha...

56. favorite tradition?

The entire holiday of Christmas :D

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

The death of my dad was the hardest thing I ever had to overcome and nothing else really comes close enough to that that I can rank on the same level :(

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Learning the piano and Japanese, and ah...

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

Yay I did it!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

A soft, slowburn romantic comedy uwu

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

Aaahhh way too much to pick...

62. seven characters you relate to?

Arima Kousei (YLiA), Riko Sakurauchi (Love Live!), Sayo Hikawa (Bandori), Mabuchi Kou (Ao Haru), Nana Daiba (Revue Starlight), Takuto (Star Driver (don’t really relate but I really like him)), Kaoru (Sakamichi no Apollon)

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Pop Spice and Upper Tune by YKMM, and.... many GARNiDELiA songs

64. favorite website from your childhood?

AQWorlds....

65. any permanent scars?

It looks like a bald spot on my eyebrow. From when I tripped and bashed my head on an armchair ^^;;

66. favorite flower(s)?

Lilies, cherry blossoms, azaleas

67. good luck charms?

small trinkets that friends have given me ^^

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Asparagus for food!! and.... eggnog for drink?

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

can’t think of one XD

70. left or right handed?

Right

71. least favorite pattern?

not sure what this means... XD

72. worst subject?

probably... English lit. 

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

I don’t have any I’m not a very adventurous person with food XD

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

Probably like... 7 or 8

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

Waah I don’t remember!

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Waffle fries!!

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Succulents!

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Sushi from a grocery store XD

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

I can’t make out the picture on my school id now cus it’s so faded, so... drivers license XD

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Like to wear? I find jewel tones more pleasing but... earth tones probably suit me

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

I kinda use both...

82. pc or console?

PC

83. writing or drawing?

Writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts

84. barbie or polly pocket?

I didn’t play with either but barbie if I had to choose!

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology!!!

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Chocolate chip cookies only and if not, cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

Being alone in life...

88. your greatest wish?

To make my friends and family happy!

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My twin brother and my significant other if I had one!

90. luckiest mistake?

um... can’t think of one

91. boxes or bags?

This is weird... they suit different situations and needs!

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Lamps

93. nicknames?

Joey mainly, but I’ve had Josie before ^^

94. favorite season?

Fall in terms of weather but summer bc no school and I can see friends!

95. favorite app on your phone?

Twitter.... or SIF

96. desktop background?

A piece of art for YLiA

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

3

98. favorite historical era?

Tang Dynasty China or Ancient Greece!

[meltingalphabet]

You don't know what you've got till it's gone

Would you describe yourself as spoiled?

My pencil glided over the paper, a smooth trail of graphite following. With a satisfying scratch, I circled “No.” The smell of fresh paper and pencil shavings took me back to high school. Before I was an adult. Before I knew how difficult life could get.

Would you describe your close friends as spoiled?

I hesitated.

First there was Meredith. Meredith, whose parents made damn sure she never endured hardship. Who paid for her Ivy League degree out of pocket and financed extended trips abroad in the name of their only child’s self discovery. Who owned the luxury apartment Meredith called her own. Who nested her in the comfort of unearned extravagance.

Meredith is an artist, they’d say. Meredith is a tortured soul who needs freedom to work on her novel without the hideous distraction of a 9 to 5. She is a creative who cannot be caged by the struggle of the common folk, but must sit and be and think and ponder and write and give a voice to the common folk and their struggle.

Then there was Erica. Erica, who glided by on her looks. Who didn’t have to work on her personality because she didn’t need one. Who could be rude without consequence. Her instincts unchecked, her id free to roam. Why would she think about you when everyone won’t stop thinking about her? It’s not inconsiderate if there’s nothing to consider. If she forgot who you were, you should’ve made yourself more memorable.

I circled “Yes.”

My eyes scanned the last question.

On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being the least, how appreciative are you of what you have?

What did I have? A shitty job, a tiny overpriced apartment. Jiggly upper arms, frizzy hair. My hand hovered over the 4. Robert’s warm smile. His soft kisses.

Sighing, I circled 8. I had a shelter, a stable relationship, a loving family. Life was good. Even if other people had it better than me.

Around me were 11 other people seated at small identical desks completing short identical surveys. Different shapes and sizes, ages and races. All completely forgettable.

A woman in her mid twenties sat at the front of the room poking at a tablet. She wore a neat expensive looking grey sweater. Her brown hair was pulled back into a tight bun. The desk she sat at was modern but simple, the desktop empty but for a plain water bottle. Both the desk and woman looked like they were from an IKEA catalog. Generic but tidy, desirable but empty.

I walked towards her, my completed survey in hand. She looked up from her tablet with a small smile and gestured to the corner of the desk.

Her voice was smooth but neutral. “Thank you, Laurie.”

I placed my answers face down beside her, completing the nostalgic experience of taking a quiz.

“Please proceed to the waiting room. We will get you once it has been processed.”

Not wanting to make additional noise, I nodded and smiled at her, but she was already looking back at her screen.

An hour later I sat in front of another tasteful but bland desk. Dr. Howden scanned the tablet in front of him, his fingertips pressed together.

Finally, he looked up at me. “Thank you for participating in our study, Ms. Cartland. We here at the Galvin Institute depend on volunteers such as yourself.”

I smiled. $300 to come fill out a survey, yeah no problem mister.

“Of course.” I said politely.

“We’d like to invite you to continue as a participant. The study is 6 days and pays $900 a day, along with a $1,000 signing bonus.”

My mouth fell open. “Sorry, how much?”

Dr. Howden’s smile tightened. “At the completion of the study you will have been awarded $6,400.”

I quickly calculated the cost of my morals. Is it worth $6,400 to inject myself with something that would make me lose all my hair? I shrugged internally. It’ll grow back. Probably. There’s always wigs.

“Is the study risky?”

“Oh no, not at all. All we ask of you is to answer 3 simple questions every day.”

“You just want me to answer questions?”

Dr. Howden opened one of the desk drawers and placed a tablet in front of me. It was identical to both his and the woman from the study’s.

“The Galvin Institute will provide you with this tablet for the duration of the study. Every night at 6pm it will notify you to answer three simple questions. You will then have an hour to answer them. Once your answers are submitted, $900 will be directly deposited into your bank account.”

He looked at me over his wire frames. “Do you accept?”

My heart thudded in my chest. “What happens if I answer incorrectly?”

He smiled again. “The questions are subjective, so there is no wrong answer.”

I bit my lip, looking down at the desktop in front of me. There must be a catch. There’s always a catch. Hesitant to accept his insane offer without some sort of probing, I looked back up. “Can I opt out at any time?”

His smile faltered for a moment before he continued. “Of course, but you will forfeit all payment up to that point.”

I picked up the tablet and examined it. On the back was a subtle green logo with the initials “GI” in a pyramid.

Dr. Howden continued. “The focus of this study is appreciation and gratitude. The questions are designed to encourage self reflection.”

I nodded, “sounds easy.”

“It is!” He said, turning his own tablet towards me to reveal an electronic contract. He held out a thin stylus. “Oh, and please note that your tablet is programmed to only ask the questions and cannot be used for any other purpose.”

The drag of the stylus was smooth and frictionless as I signed my name.

“Thank you, Ms. Cartland. We look forward to working with you here at the Galvin Institute.”

“This has to be a scam.” Robert said, his beer hovering in front of his mouth as he eyed the tablet resting on the table beside us. We had both tried playing with it, but the screen would only illuminate to show a timer counting down to 6pm. No games, no other screens.

I shrugged. “The building was super nice and it all seemed on the up and up. I doubt they’re going to try and use my information to drain my bank account or something. Besides,” I rested my hand on his, “it’s for the wedding.”

He sighed. “You know, you’ve got to stop pushing that.”

I stuck my tongue out at him teasingly.

A loud electric jingle made me jump. The screen of the tablet was now bright white. Black font was neatly written across at the top.

I picked it up as Robert stood to look over my shoulder. On the screen was a question:

What was something bad that happened to you today?

Other than applying for the study my day had been pretty uneventful. I clicked my tongue thoughtfully before answering.

Nothing.

A circle appeared at the bottom right corner that read “submit.” I pressed it and the second question appeared:

What was something good that happened to you today?

I smiled.

Dinner with my boyfriend.

Robert kissed my head as I hit submit.

On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the least, how appreciative are you of what you have?

The numbers 1 through 10 were beneath in small circles. I felt Robert’s warmth beside me and pressed “9.”

The tablet made a small chime as the words “Thank you!” jumped on screen. Little bits of blue and yellow confetti fell around it before the screen went black again.

My blood vibrated hot beneath my skin as I excitedly logged into my bank’s mobile app. My checking account was, indeed, two grand larger.

“Not a bad day’s work.” Robert said as he returned to his seat.

I woke up the next morning to the shrill sound of my phone ringing. I looked at the clock. 9:31am.

“Ugh, fuck you!” I groaned at the ceiling. I closed my eyes tightly before opening them again, my room slowly focusing around me. Without looking I reached over and yanked it from it’s charger. My phone’s screen was filled with the smiling face of Meredith. I groaned again as I answered.

“Dude, it’s Saturday. What...” A high pitched squeal interrupted me.

“Random House bought my book!!!”

I sat bolt upright. “Sorry, what?”

“Random House, Laurie. Fucking Random House!!”

The meaning of her words slowly dawned on me through the cloud of sleep.

“Random House the publisher bought your book?” I asked, incredulous.

“Yes!! Ah, we need to get coffee NOW!”

Thirty minutes later I sipped my latte while Meredith regaled me with the story.

“I thought it was really weird when they scheduled a meeting first thing Saturday morning, but you know? It’s Random House, so I couldn’t say no! Apparently one of their agents saw some of the chapters I published online and fell in love!! They’re offering me a $20,000 advance!”

I choked on the warm liquid running down my throat.

“I know, right!?” Meredith squealed.

“Twenty grand!?” The words came from my mouth violently as I tried to regain control of my breath. “Twenty grand for your first novel!?”

Meredith nodded, beaming.

“It’s not even done!”

“Oh, I know! I know! But you know what, I think this is really going to help motivate me to finish! My skin is tingling with creative juices!”

Your skin is tingling with $20,000. I bit back my tongue and gave her a weak smile.

“Congratulations Meredith. That’s awesome.”

Meredith and I met in college. We were both wannabe novelists, both women, both freshmen, and both living in Andrews Hall. We didn’t become friends because we connected artistically, we became friends because it was easy.

While I had thrived in school, Meredith had coasted. She graduated because she went to most of her classes and turned in most of her homework. Like our friendship, she succeeded because she didn’t fail.

After graduation I got a job in publishing as a lowly editorial assistant. I was paid the bare minimum to review encyclopedias written by retired middle school teachers. It sucked but it was a job. Without it, I’d be homeless.

Meredith was a trust fund kid. I was not.

I made a point of working on my novel for at least three hours every week. I was 60,000 words deep into a dramatic look at the repression of women in the early 19th century through the eyes of Charlotte, a lowly chambermaid working for a handsome but distant oil tycoon. Meredith, on the other hand, would write a few pages when the mood struck. Since graduating, we met monthly to discuss our progress and keep each other motivated, but more often than not the night would devolve into expensive drinks at bars filled with men with shirts inexplicably half unbuttoned. And while I woke up regretting all my decisions and trying not to vomit in my cubicle trash can, she’d remain untouched. She’d wake up at noon to order pizza and watch a marathon of shitty reality shows about overly dramatic rich people who also didn’t have any responsibilities.

Meredith’s novel, smartly titled A Rabbit Disturbed, was about an evil toy bunny that traumatizes a young boy. Imagine if Stephenie Meyer wrote a novel adaptation of The Velveteen Rabbit after watching the entire Chucky canon while on acid. Oh, and Miss Meyer also doesn’t know what a rabbit is.

The three chapters I read, the only three Meredith had bothered to write, were so bad that my main criticism was towards our college for giving her a degree in creative writing.

But maybe I was being pretentious. Maybe I just didn't understand Meredith's genius. I took another swallow of my latte as she planned out the evening’s celebratory activities as if planning a bachelorette party.

I was in a bar bathroom when the tablet chimed. I steadied myself against the sink before pulling it from my bag.

What was something bad that happened to you today?

It was early but my mind was already drenched in vodka. I definitely wasn’t happy. I had thought drinking would make me feel more euphoric, would let me get caught up in Meredith’s excitement, but instead I felt ineffectual and ignored. I thought of my novel and the stupid melodramatic character that I had poured all my creativity into for the past two years. I was miserable. Frustrated and defeated.

But what was I going to write? That one of my oldest friends had succeeded?

If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. With my bare fingertip I rubbed my answer against the screen.

Nothing.

What was something good that happened to you today?

I gritted my teeth.

Nothing.

On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the least, how appreciative are you of what you have?

I pressed “3” without much thought and dropped the tablet back into my bag as the bright “Thank you!” lit up the screen.

I woke up Sunday with a pounding headache. I looked at my phone to see several Facebook and Instagram notifications. All likes and comments on the many celebratory photos I was tagged in, all congratulating Meredith. I let my phone fall from my hand as I turned over, allowing myself to sleep in.

The chime of the Galvin Institute tablet rang out as I sat on my couch mindlessly watching tv.

What was something bad that happened to you today?

It was an innocent question. At least, it seemed innocent. And yet I felt a pang of frustration. Meredith was still riding the high of the best day of her life while I sat there very consciously not working on my novel. Robert was busy with his family all night, leaving me alone to wallow in my self-pity.

I wrote “hangover” before clicking submit.

What was something good that happened to you today?

I lifted the stylus, preparing to write “nothing,” but stopped short. This was a study of gratitude and here I was with absolutely none. I thought of Dr. Howden reading my responses. Judging them.

I got to sleep in.

On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the least, how appreciative are you of what you have?

I pushed thoughts of Meredith out of my head as I surveyed my apartment. It was small and sparsely furnished, but the walls were lined with well read novels. I hugged my soft throw and took a sip of my tea, letting the worth flood down into my stomach. Ignoring the split second of burning at the back of my throat that told me it was still too hot to drink that fast. Feeling as if I had thoroughly experienced a moment of mindful appreciation, I pressed the tip of the stylus against the 7 with a sense of accomplishment. I was rising above my disappointment and struggle.

Dr. Howden would be proud.

My phone vibrated and I was surprised to see a text message from Robert’s mother.

Hi Laurie! Happy early birthday! Are you and Robbie free next weekend to come over for a birthday dinner?

I scrunched my eyebrows together. That’s odd. I guess Robert already went home.

Curious, I called him. He answered on the fourth ring.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Oh hey, is this a good time?”

“Sorry babe, I’m still at my parents. Can I call you back afterwards?”

Icy fingers clasped around my heart. I swallowed.

“Oh, sure. Um, do you want to come spend the night when you’re done? I miss you.”

There was a pause before he continued. “Sorry, Laurie. I can’t tonight. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

The next morning I lay in bed feeling empty, worthless, and defeated.

I stared at my ceiling, trying to rationalize staying in the comfort and safety of my bed. What would happen if I just don’t go to work? I’m so unimportant. Would anyone even notice?

It was bagel Monday though. And I did like bagels.

Three hours later I sat at my desk regretting my decision. One of the other editorial assistants had called out sick and I was getting the brunt of my boss’ post-weekend wrath.

How fucking ironic, I thought as I scrolled past unread email after unread email. One email was three paragraphs of all caps red text berating me for the misspelling of Juan Ponce de León in an entry that was written and published five years before I was hired. I took a bite of my free bagel as I kept scrolling.

At lunch, Erica and I went to our favorite burger joint. Erica was an editor and close friend whose long blonde hair and curvy figure made her the center of attention more often than not. And she knew it. She could be narcissistic at times, but she could also be really sweet and what I needed that day was fried food and a friendly ear.

Her eyes lit up and she leaned in conspiratorially. “Maybe he’s ring shopping.” She whispered, raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow.

I brought a french fry to my lips. I hadn’t thought of that. I put the fry back down on the plate untouched.

“You really think so?” I asked, butterflies fluttering low in my stomach.

She winked before taking a bite of her burger.

Returning to my cubicle, my high spirits were immediately dashed by an unread email marked important. The subject line was empty and only two words were written, all lowercase, in the body of the email: see me.

Harold Bradford sat behind his desk, the glow of his computer illuminating his glasses. He was a chubby man in his late fifties with wiry grey hair that wrapped around his head, leaving a round dome of perfectly hairless scalp in the middle.

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Yes, please sit down Ms. Cartland.” He said, his eyes never leaving the screen. “This will only take a minute.”

I sat down as he continued to tap at his keyboard. I pulled the hem of my skirt mindlessly as my eyes scanned the shelves of books behind him.

Finally, he looked up.

“Ms. Cartland, I asked you here to discuss your recent work performance.”

My stomach sank.

“Your work has been…” He tilted his head back, eyeing me through his thin spectacles. “Slipping.”

A heavy silence fell between us.

“I-I-I’m sorry, Mr. Bradford.” I stammered.

“You seem to think this job is... beneath you.” He sniffed. “And while your BFA from Dartmouth is quite impressive, your work here lately is not.”

“I understand.” I nodded, cringing at the waiver in my voice.  “I promise to work harder in the future.”

“There is no future, Ms. Cartland.”

I stared at him, mouth agape.

He turned back towards his computer, “Mrs. Littleton will explain your severance package.”

My body and mind was numb as I left his office.

The warm water lapped at my skin as I sat in the bathtub. A glass of white wine stood at the side of the tub, the half empty bottle on the floor. Robert had suggested that I could use this time to work on my novel, but I knew that was misguided. I needed to immediately focus all my attention on finding a job. Once that severance ran out, I wouldn’t be able to pay my rent, let along my bills or student loans. Oh sure, there’s forbearance but that’s just an ugly band aid. The interest would gather like bacteria in an infection, following me for the rest of my life.

The smell of Robert’s spaghetti and meatballs permeated the steam of the bathroom and I felt comforted slightly.

What was something bad that happened to you today?

I was fired.

What was something good that happened to you today?

I brought the stylus down, thinking I’d write something like, “my soon-to-be fiance was there for me,” but I hesitated. I thought of the phone call last night. The uneasy feeling that came with it.

Instead I wrote, “Bagel Monday.”

On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the least, how appreciative are you of what you have?

“Babe!”

The sound shook me and I jumped, cold water splashing around me.

“Babe, wake up!” I squinted to see Robert looking down at me.

“What happened?” I sat up and looked around. The wine glass had fallen from the tub, shattering on the tile floor.

“It’s okay, stay there.”

He left and I stood, grabbing my towel from the door and wrapping it around my shivering body. I must’ve been dreaming.

“What time is it?” I asked the empty room.

“Almost seven. You’ve been in there for almost two hours.”

Panic rose like an electric shot through my spine.  

“The tablet! Where’s the tablet!” I cried, jumping out of the bath. Glass cut into the bottom of my foot. “Ow, fuck!” I cried.

Robert appeared in the doorway holding a broom. “Laurie, stop! What are you doing?”

“The survey! The survey!” I pushed him out of the way, limping into the living room. “Where is it? Where’s my bag?”

Robert grabbed my arm. “Laurie you’re injured, stop!”

“$900!” I desperately pulled myself from his grasp, falling painfully to my knees. “$900!”

The alarm rang distantly from where my bag lay forgotten by the front door. I crawled towards it, shaking with sobs. I could hear Robert talking to me as I reached it, but his words were muffled and inconsequential. As I opened my bag my hands felt bloated and numb, as if I were wearing gloves. My fingers clasped around the hard familiar plastic and I pulled the tablet out.

4 seconds remained on the timer. Tears flooded my eyes as I poked desperately at the screen but it wouldn’t respond to my waterlogged touch.

“No, no, no.” The black digits counted down to 1 before dissolved into nothing.

A wave of despair crashed over me as I watched the numbers appear once again. 23:59:03. The seconds ticked down. Tiny insults adding to the bloody mess of my ego.

The next thing I remember was waking up late in the afternoon. My body was sore, my head foggy. A sharp pain radiated from my left foot and I wanted to cry, but there were no more tears.

There was a buzzing coming from my nightstand. I picked up my phone to see a new text message alert.

Hey babe

I stared at the words in confusion. Behind me I could hear the shower running. Robert hadn’t left. I saw the name at the top of the screen. “Erica.”

That’s odd. I opened the app to a chat I didn’t recognize. Messages I didn’t remember sending or receiving. I scrolled up to an image. It was a selfie of Erica, but she was wearing lingerie.

Realization hit like a cement brick. The phone in my hand wasn’t mine.

The shower stopped. My breaths grew short and ragged, catching in my throat in sharp gasps.

“Babe, are you okay?”

A shadow filled the door and approached me as my vision turned red.

I awoke on a hard, cold surface. I tried to move but my body screamed in pain. A bright light hurt my eyes as I slowly blinked them open. The room was grey and dingy. I sat up stiffly and looked in front of me at a wall of metal bars.

My head buzzed with questions, my eyes wide and seeing, no longer blinded or discomforted by the sudden light. Above me stood a police woman.

“Glad to see you finally awake, Ms. Cartland.”

“Wh-what happened? Where am I?” I tried to recall recent memories. The bath. My foot. Erica. Robert.

“We got a call about a domestic disturbance at your residence. You were found standing over your boyfriend's body, a pair of bloody scissors…”

The cop continued but the sound was eclipsed by a sharp ringing noise in my head. My brain buzzed with shock as I sat back against a wall, bringing my knees to my chest. The room began to spin and it felt like I was falling into the buzzing. Into the void of complete and utter surrender.

An electronic alarm echoed off the cement walls, shrill enough, and familiar enough, to burrow into my numb thoughts.

“It’s 6 o’clock, Ms. Cartland.”

I looked up to see the cop holding out the Galvin Institute’s tablet through the bars of the cell. I stared at it, uncomprehending.

“It’s time to take the survey.”

“What?” I looked at the cop, tears I didn’t think could exist forming at the corners of my eyes.

The cop cleared her throat and dropped her arm, the tablet hanging uselessly beside her.

“What was something bad that happened to you today?”

I looked at her with confusion and pain.

“What was something good that happened to you today?” The cop’s voice was flat and stiff. Robotic.

A sob broke out of my mouth violently. I clutched my hands to my ears, desperately trying to block out her voice.

“On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the least, how appreciative are you of what you have?”

I opened my mouth, a scream pouring from my throat like vomit, filling the small room.

Reality snapped around me, as if a door opened in a vacuum. The world sucked past my body as I ascended painfully to the heavens.

My eyes were assaulted once again with a bright light, but this light was softer. Cleaner. Nicer. I was in a white room, a simple desk in front of me. Behind it sat Dr. Howden.

“Thank you, Ms. Cartland, for your participation in the study.” The corners of his eyes wrinkled with a warm smile.

My breaths came to me in gasps. I looked around at the innocuous room. It was just like it had been days before.

“I… I don’t understand.”

Dr. Howden gave me a tight smile. “Only a few hours have passed since you completed your survey. You have been under electronic hypnosis. Since signing the contract none of your actions, or the actions of your loved ones, actually occurred. It was all…” he twirled his finger, “in your head. I gave you a slight sedative before you awoke to help the transition along. You should be feeling more…” He smiled, “relaxed soon.”

I nodded dumbly. The numbness weighing my body down was no longer raw and uncomfortable but calming.

“Now,” he said, sliding a tablet across the desk. “If you’d please sign these release forms, you can be on your way.”

My hand shook slightly as I reached out and drew a simple line across the center of the page.

“Very good. You may now be excused. Your designated contact is waiting in the lobby.”

I stood uncertainty and began to leave the room before he added, “oh and as I explained before, since you opted out prematurely you forfeit all reimbursement.”

My stomach tightened as I saw Robert. His face set in bored concentration as he scrolled through his phone. Feeling my stare, he looked up and smiled warmly. “Babe!” He stood and walked towards me, arms outstretched. “How did it go?”

I clenched my jaw as he brought me to his chest, his body pressed against mine. My skin grew hot with anger and my stomach turned with disgust, but the tranquilizer slowly quelled my hatred.

He hadn’t really cheated on me, had he?

Robert took me home and made me spaghetti, just like he had last night. Except last night never happened.

The next day was a normal Saturday. I had coffee with Meredith as she told me about a new guy she met. On Sunday I had dinner with Robert and his parents. Monday I nodded at Mr. Bradford’s requests and listened to Erica complain about her yearly review. Friday Robert took me out for my birthday and proposed.

My life is meaningless now. Trivial and petty. These people I once loved no longer feel real. Their lives are stupid and useless, filled with made up milestones to give the illusion that life is moving forward. That they are making progress.

I could no longer pretend to enjoy it, so I left. I don’t have a destination, but instead I’m letting my short life roll over me like the waves of an ocean. Massive and unknowable. It doesn’t matter where I am or where I end up. It’s all so permeable. All so temporary. Why bother clinging to something when it’s not really yours to begin with. And yet the questions still run through my mind.

What was something bad that happened to you today?

Nothing. Nothing bad happens anymore. Nothing happens anymore. Life passes. I exist. I question reality and then find I’m too tired to care.

What was something good that happened to you today?

Nothing. Objectively, nothing good has ever happened to me. It’s all a farce. Life is just a series of signals that our mind misinterprets as something organized and purposeful. And yet we run forward with abandonment, counting the seconds until there are no seconds left to count.

Tonight I’ve found myself somewhere in Pennsylvania. The red numbers of the clock illuminated 6:00.

The sky is a beautiful amber above the mountain tops.

On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the least, how appreciative are you of what you have?

No longer applicable.

[marshmallowprotection]

Convallaria Majalis

Pairing: SaeranxOC 

Warnings: This is Self-Insert type story. This is not beta-read, and constructive criticism isn’t wanted. It’s written purely for own my amusement. I’ve been posting his story on AO3 and FFN for a while, but I figure there an audience here on Tumblr that could warrant me posting here as well. There are some mature elements that should be taken with care, it includes warnings for Anxiety, Depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and PTSD. This story contains spoilers for Ray Route, and V Route, as well as elements from the Secret Ends. 

Word Count: 12,169. 

AO3 | Fanfiction 

Chapter One 

L I L A 

I.

"Awake."

"Error, again?" I stared at the phone with disdain. "Really? Why is it that everyone else can enjoy the DLCs and I'm stuck with an endless error message? I guess I could prowl forums until I find an answer."

Mystic Messenger was the height of Otome games on mobile platforms. For a long time the only quality romance games that you could play were desktop based, so when I found out there was a good one for your phone, color me stoked. I had been playing nonstop since my sleeping schedule was shit and I needed the affection from something. There wasn't any answer to be found, I scowled after checking a few pages. It wasn't like I hadn't already finished the deep routes, but I wanted to complete the Christmas DLC to one hundred percent. So much for that, ugh. It was too early in the morning for me to consider crawling out of bed just yet but I didn't have any more apps that I could refresh but - if the game wasn't going to be working for me, again! - I would just have to sit here in the quiet and think about my life. Poor choice, really, but I wasn't going to venture into the cold of my apartment until I had to do it.

"Then again, I can just check my to-do list." There was my sloppy but carefully taken dribble as I opened the app. I flipped through my notepad and did a mental run-through of what needed to be done for work and the house. I had to finish my report before I submitted my updated proof for my supervisor, make sure the fridge had enough for the rest of the week, and I needed to do a head-count on my paint supplies before I marched out the front door. All and all I would be home before noon if I didn't want to do anything else. I set my phone down and decided to shut my eyes for a few minutes.

My alarm clock began to sound not even five minutes after I dug my head back into my pillow.

Sometimes you happen to have a chance encounter that might change your life. Sometime you might just wake up and things are out of your control, or maybe you wake up in a different room then the one you're used to... either way, there's a day when things change direction and I know firsthand that these days can come out of left field. Something that you find yourself comfortably living every day until a new normal finds you. For a long time, I would wake up, crawl out of bed and begin my work in the kitchen after splashing water on my face and brushing my teeth, and keep working until I got hungry. It had been like this for a couple of months already, and the lingering scars in the mirror couldn't bother me as long as I kept to myself and did what I needed to do. You see, only a few months ago, you could have found me doing a stint in the hospital for my poor health habits. I had a hard time taking care of myself when it came to sleeping and eating, it wasn't exactly a trait that I was proud of, but it was something that had been with me since my teen years.

Whispers and murmurs behind my back about my appearance from my classmates and even my parents had destroyed my confidence and by extension, I had hurt myself to make others like me. I'm not proud of it. Every time I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I would feel disgusted and look away. Dysmorphia had a way of crawling up your spine like a spider and waiting for the moment to jump out and take a bite of you when you could do nothing but try to push it away - but fail.

Today wasn't all that different.

I got out of bed and hastily did my morning routine. I just had to go out of my apartment to run some errands instead of going straight to work, that was normal for a Wednesday. I had a list of this and that, that and this, but it shouldn't have broken too much time in the rest of the day as long I as get myself together in this good mood. It started as a better morning, really, I found it in me to fix my hair back and put on one of my jumper dresses. The reflection didn't make me feel as bad as it might have another day.

Hopefully, that would last.

How wrong I was, I realized when I slung my bag over my shoulder and opened my front door to see someone standing in the way. I gripped the door handle hard, and grit my teeth. "It's nice to see you again, Mom."

There she was standing in the doorway, my Mother, with a vase of sunflowers and the most unnerving smile. She had her hand raised as if she were about the knock the front door but couldn't when I opened the door instead. Of course, when I said that it was nice to her, I didn't mean it. We had never had a close relationship and it was only strained at this point. She didn't agree with my choices that I had been making over the last year, although she was the first one to say that she was proud of me on social media for the attention and sympathy. "Hold the pleasantries, Lila. I know you wouldn't have opened this door if you weren't on the way out."

I stepped to the side, and let her into my apartment rather than deal with an argument. "Is there a reason why you stopped by this morning?"

"Do I need a reason to visit my daughter?" She countered without even blinking, sauntering into the living room and setting her flowers down by the kitchen table. "I happened to be in the neighborhood."

"You live five blocks from here, you're always in the neighborhood." I returned. "I'm kind of in a hurry, Mom. I have a lot of errands to run before my appointment with Karen."

The ever-present smile was a little troubling. Mom turned back around to face me after looking at the canvases and makeshift art studio that my kitchen had become in the last couple of weeks. "Ah, yes, your therapist. I hope that's going well. All of my friends are concerned about your well-being after that mess in April." That mess in April that she was referring to had amounted to a situation where my Grandparents caught me in a lie, and I passed out in their home from malnutrition, and partly exhaustion. It occurred just three months after I had broken up with my abusive boyfriend after six months of terror, and five months after the loss of my father. It had a been a long and grueling year for my family, not that we never had a time where we weren't living some kind of lifetime drama film.

"And?" I braced myself.

"It's almost been a year since... the accident. Your sister has been living her life while you've been couped up, locking yourself in this apartment without even trying to make a difference." She started, walking back over to me. "Everyone is concerned that you're wasting your life here, it's one thing that you've been trying to waste your life painting, but now everyone is starting to pity me because my depressed daughter is unable to help herself. You need to stop wallowing about your father and get out there, date, have fun."

I started to talk back, "I'm content the way I am, Mom." but she cut me off and began to talk louder, to talk over me.

"And look where that's getting you, dear, you need to take a hard look in the mirror and get yourself together." She rested a hand against my shoulder, nails digging into the skin. "I expect you to stop embarrassing me before the holidays. I don't want to see you crying and making a fool of yourself in front of everyone again." That hung over my head like a weight. There it was again, the attitude that I couldn't just wash off. My Mother wasn't one to be trifled with if you decided to openly disagree with her methods and while it had been alright when I was a little girl; It was unbelievably too much for me to bare these days. It might have been because I was the only target of this thinking. We had been going back and forth like this for months because she wanted to be the one that was right in the end.

I didn't have the energy for it.

I shook head, just pretending to agree with her words. "I don't want to argue. You can do whatever you want to do, but I'm heading out."

"Wisteria, how are you feeling today?" Her hand was firm against her pad of paper as her pencil began to jot down the little things. Where we could improve on my function and how I could live my day to day without letting my impulsivity control me. This office smelled of disinfectant and cleaner. It wasn't something that bothered me much but it was all I could focus on this whole session. It was one thing that my day had started like it would be alright, but when my Mom came over and soured the whole thing, my mood had shifted and I think she could tell. She started and ended every session by asking me how I was feeling at that moment. I wasn't in the mood to talk about what had happened, so I carried on as if it were any other session.

The clock on the wall read a quarter past three and that meant we were coming to a close for this meeting.

"Huh?"

"I said how are you feeling? You've been a little distracted today. I've been doing most of the talking, and I'm curious where you're thinking today."

"It's already been a day and it hasn't even really started." I leaned against the table in front of me. My hand sinking into my chin as I closed my eyes. "I'm alright. I have had some alright days this month. I haven't felt... acted on the need to purge since my release. Sorry I didn't mention that at the beginning... I've been following my meal plan that we worked out to a tee thanks to my family. It's been a long couple of days, but I'm feeling a little better about my control when it comes to my dysmorphia. I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night, that thunderstorm kept me up for a while."

"I'm glad to hear things are going better for you. You've been doing an excellent job lately at keeping up with that. Has there been any change in your mood? In regards to what you were struggling with about your father? You seemed upset during our last session but are you ready to talk about it?" She asked, the quirk of her eyebrow lifting just enough that it caught my attention. She always tried to pull that topic up but I wasn't ready to deal with it, we had mentioned it here and there, but it wasn't something that could come out yet.

My shoulders lifted into a shrug. "Let's give that a little more time, Karen. I'm doing that on my own right now - there's still a lot I want to think about before I open up about that. It's not bothering me as bad as it was before because I've been focusing hard on getting my physical health better, along with my job and affairs. I just don't want to deal with that can of worms right now."

"That's understandable, but you know we'll have to deal with that eventually. Just think about how we can better address it for next time." She reminded me, as she set her pen down against her desk. "Let's meet again in two weeks to discuss any more changes... but in the meantime, you can call me whenever you need to talk about anything."

That was therapy for you. I had been making some progress since we had started the meeting, which I was grateful for, but my mind had been other places during our session. I wasn't going to admit it to anyone, but I had been spending my time doing more than working and listening to a meal plan. My phone indicated that while I had been in my session I had missed a few things. I pilfered through what I missed, this and that, that and this but cleared them all out until I got to the most recent notification. I had missed a chatroom deadline on the game that I was playing. An Otome, Mystic Messenger, one of those exciting games where you could pick anyone you wanted and romance the.

"Huh, I guess I missed another chatroom." That wasn't the worst thing in the universe. I was trying to go through the Christmas DLC on Mystic Messenger at that moment, and I had enough hourglass to spare for one uncounted chatroom but I probably wouldn't waste it knowing the whispers of extra content coming very soon. I had already done a run-through of the different routes and now I was trying to get the DLCs entirely done before any more were released onto the game. There wasn't anything else left to complete with all of the RFA's routes done on my application. I was a little desperate for the interaction with my fictional friends so I settled for this.

I booted the messenger but it errored out.

"Please?" I begged, silently.

It errored once again when I attempted it open it again.

"Goddammit."

This had been happening a lot lately when I tried to play the game and it didn't seem to be happening to anyone else. It forced itself out at various times of the day and I couldn't fight it. Nobody else had this problem when I cruised the blogs and pages about it. I just mounted it to my luck. It was just a weak signal or maybe a bug that needed to be corrected. Little did I know, but there was a reason why my game was lagging and it wasn't just a chance of bad luck, and it would stem back to an encounter that I had put in the back of my mind.

I could always play some of the other Otome games that I had on my PC in the meantime if this was going keep happening. "Really? I can't believe this, maybe there's some traffic on the servers or something. Ugh, I was hoping to finally get Unknown after clearing everyone else." I grumbled, stashing my phone back in my bag as I headed into the cafe across the street from my therapist's office. It had been another meeting, uneventful and we didn't make a lot of progress. I was a lot more comfortable with her lately, which was good because she didn't treat me poorly if I slipped up and made a mistake. It was much better than dealing with what my Mother thought was the right way to handle the situation. She wanted to throw me to the dogs, so to speak. She wanted to make me work with her at her salon so she could make sure that I didn't embarrass her with my health problems. Fortunately, my older sister and Grandparents advocated for me and I got into the proper programs to help me piece my life back together.

The door jingled with alarm as I entered.

"Hi, Lila!"

"Oh, hey," I greeted the girl behind the counter with a weak smile. She knew my older sister but I hadn't ever caught her name. I think it was Samantha, so let's just go with that for now, I never would be able to work up the courage to ask that since she assumed I knew. "I'm looking for my usual, I need something to pick me up for my next project."

Samantha raised an eyebrow, "Another all-nighter?" she asked.

That was a jab at my poor working habits. I was already well aware that I had a beautiful little ring of purple underneath my eyelids for how hard I had been working these past few months. It was my choice to get involved with the projects that I was working on, it was so much of my own choice that I could work as long as I wanted and was physically capable of doing so, that I didn't mind if I was awake at three in the morning. It was my choice and nobody else. It had been only a year and some change since my choices weren't my own - since somebody told me what to do when to do it, and how to do it. I was beyond that life now and living how I wanted to, and I was managing my own life much better than I had been once before. Six months ago was my breaking point and I was forced to deal with the lingering haunt behind me; The remnants of that relationship had left me with self-loathing and the inability to look into a mirror for even a moment.

My dysmorphia was a ghost that lingered in my shadow and it would always haunt me from just beyond my peripheral vision. It was all that was left of that failed relationship and it stuck to me even now, it was a daily struggle to combat but I made due. Some people would look at me and call me brave for fighting - fighting a monster that had been created out of my fear and someone's else's control - but I didn't see it that way. I wasn't some knight fighting for my own life in battle, I still sometimes saw myself as the fearful princess in the tower.

I was a graphic designer who ran on her hours most of the time. When I wasn't creating websites and pamphlets for people, I would pour myself into my real passion which was painting and illustration. It was what I loved doing the most but it wasn't easy to do it and getting paid for your passions was next to impossible in the eyes of many of my family members. Alas, that's how I ended up where I was. I disregarded her tone and I shook my head. "It's not for work this time around. It's for the baby," I explained. "I promised Lucy that I would have my gift for the nursery done before the holidays and it needs a few more touchups."

"Oh. I can't wait to see what you're doing then, at least I can trust you to show me how it'll be. I can't count on Lucy to answer my texts lately. I haven't seen your sister in a few weeks, could you remind her that I know she sees what I'm saying but she doesn't reply? I know she posts about being too busy to do anything but I beg to differ." Samantha rang up the register and retrieved my drink from the back.

She handed me the cup and I smiled back at her with a little shrug. "No promises."

I decided that I needed to clear my mind that afternoon. I had all of my supplies with me on purpose, I made sure to leave my apartment that morning with everything that I might need to keep my mind occupied out of the house for a while. And for once I was glad that I grabbed everything that I needed before I opened the front door, I might have never been able to get out of dodge so fast this morning if I hadn't done that. My apartment was inevitably going to be cleaned up thanks to my Mom but it was going to be the kind of clean that she was fond of, it meant that a lot of things weren't going to be out of place. I lived in an environment that could be called controlled chaos; Nothing looked like it made sense to an outsider but for me, I knew where everything was that I needed and I liked it that way.

It didn't matter if anybody else liked it, it was my home and that meant I could have it the way I liked it. When I finally moved out of my childhood home a few months ago after the accident I made sure that my new place would be everything that I couldn't have there.

I knew I needed to get back and finish the project that my supervisor needed the final proof of, but I wanted to have at least an hour to work on something that for me, not just for some company. There was a creative control over my work that I couldn't entirely show what I wanted because I had to do what the client wanted, not exactly what I might have liked to do. When I was painting or trying to do something for myself, I could do anything. So, I walked to the park after I left the cafe, I would have to walk through it to get back to my apartment anyway. This place was a place that held a lot of good memories and bad memories; The good ones outweighed the bad ones in my opinion, and I wanted that comfort of the pleasant times in my mind instead of the pain that lingered from the present.

It took a few minutes, but everything poured out of my bag and I started to take work the moment I found a spot that caught my attention. It was a shaded tree close to the overpassing bridge, a patch of roses planted by the city not too long ago had taken root and the striking red color stood out against the sea of greens and browns.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" I didn't turn around but I hear someone stir from behind me. The voice wasn't familiar, so I chalked to a stranger that had seen me painting from afar and wanted to learn more or even see what I was doing. "You don't see people painting out in the open like this, forgive me for being forward but I like what you've done with the flowers."

My little laugh left my lips. That wasn't a new experience. People had watched me before so it didn't bother me too much when someone wanted to see or make a little comment. It was nice to hear something positive after the morning that I had. "Thanks for saying so, but it's not precisely representational of the scenery. I took the liberty of adding some more native flowers to make it feel a little more striking."

The man leaned a bit closer, not enough that I wanted to flinch but enough that I could feel his presence. "Yes, the dogwood gives clarity to your canvas. It holds many meanings, but might I guess that you mean to use it as a sign of rebirth or hope?"

"Regret," I murmured. "Actually."

"Interesting, I wouldn't have expected that to be your choice." The man commented. "You don't seem like the type to have experienced that kind of a pain in your life."

My pencil continued to rake across the paper as I added a few details, making sure to note things my eyes might miss when I was to begin painting. I pursed my lips. "That's the funny thing about people you pass by every day. You might not know anything about that person but they're going through something you wouldn't believe. It's like that flower there," my eyes fell on the bud that yet to bloom. "It hasn't bloomed like the rest of its friends for a number of different reasons, but it'll sprout it leaves one of these days and be just as beautiful as the rest."

"The other flowers are blocking it from receiving the adequate amount of sunlight. It might not ever bloom without a delicate hand to guide it to its full potential. " He said.

I set my pencil down and took a closer look. "Oh, wait, you're right. If they trim back some of the tops it'll reach it a lot better right now. I can't believe that missed that and I call myself a girl with a decent green thumb, hah. I come to this spot pretty often because I can't go out to the Lancelot Gardens every day, have you ever been?"

"No, but I've heard a few things about it," the stranger replied.

My smile widened at the thought of getting any more strangers to visit the place. I was always advertising for my Grandparents when I got the chance and I wasn't about to stop doing that just because I didn't see them as often as I would like anymore. "Oh, you really should if you ever get to the interstate. They're just right of it down a clay road. I grew up on those gardens and they still never fail to take my breath away. I'd be pressed to say that there isn't another place like it in the world." I could see it in my mind when I shut my eyes. "There's just about anything you could imagine down there, but there are sprawling fields of Wisteria out there. Some people call it invasive but lemme tell you, seeing it cover the landscape and treetops is awe-inspiring. It's a page right of the storybooks."

"I could show you one better," He began to say. "But hearing you speak so fondly of the flowers makes me wonder what you might think if you could see the spot I often visit."

"And where might that be?" I asked, curious.

When I turned around to see the man he was gone. I thought for a brief moment that I had just hallucinated the entire encounter but left on the ground was unrest in the dirt, a footprint impression on the ground told me that there had been somebody these speaking to me that time. It was odd to just some idle conversation with someone and then just disappear before it could be finished. I hadn't had such a calm conversation with someone about the flowers since I ran some of the tours back at my Grandpa's gardens. I almost felt a little sad I couldn't ask him his name. My phone was sitting on the ground behind me as well, I raised an eyebrow at the sight. I thought I had set it in my bag. Why was it sitting on the grass?

It would be a few nights later that I would realize that that chance encounter would change my life forever.

"What would you do if I told you that sometimes growing up feels like you're burying your childhood and kicking it for good measure?" The phone was on speaker so I didn't need to put the effort into holding the device in my hand. The moment that I got out of the rain and back into my apartment I collapsed onto my bed in a crumpled heap. Another week of mindless work, sleeping when I could find the time to do it and working when I wasn't sleeping. It was just another day in the life. My phone started ringing at that very moment as well, and while I might have usually just ignored the sound and just laid there something told me that I needed to check who it was. Lucy had such a lot going on lately in her life - and I did as well, that meant that we couldn't just talk to each other like we used to be able to do.

While I felt like this was a heavy weight upon me - I never expressed it to her completely... not when she had a small child on to tend to.

On the other end of the phone, she let out a small scoff at the question I inquired. Typical for Lucy, she had a clear head on her body even if she sometimes seemed like the world's biggest goofball. "Have you been binging Disney movies while you're feeling the height of your depression again? That's kind of a weird way to deal with all you're going through right now, but if it's helping go for it." This was her attempt at trying to tease me - to make me feel better about myself.

I rolled my eyes. "There's nothing wrong with indulging in fairy tales as long as you know how to separate fantasy and reality. Life is a little different than being a Cinderella, where your misfortune can lead you to something better you weren't expecting along the way, but hey, I can dream. I might digress, but I have been painting a lot of castles lately."

"And I'm still dreaming I can fly." Lucy retorted. It was always great to know her sarcasm was holding up ever since she had her daughter - as if I could ever believe that it was going to go away just because she had a mini-me in the making. I could only hope that her daughter wasn't going to turn out like her because if she did, I might start losing my hair well before my time. There could only be one Lucy, after all. I hoped. I grumbled under my breath and she just laughed at me.

When her laughter quieted, she got serious. "What's got you feeling like that anyway?"

"Oh." There wasn't going to be one little thing that made me feel this way. With a little sigh, I admitted to her just a little bit of information. "A little of this, a little of that... you know the deal. It's just one of those days, Lucy. There were some good things and there were some bad things, it's hard to say what pulled me back into this rut."

Lucy gave a soft hum in response. "How's everything holding up other than that?"

"I've been rocking a killer headache today, but I just took some painkillers that might be able to knock it down just enough that I can get some rest later if I try. Other then that it's been kind of a decent week if you ask me over." I grimaced as I remembered the one point bad point of my week that I wanted to forget. "Mom did drop by earlier this week, but that's not worth mentioning."

"Oh." Lucy didn't have to say much else about that.

It was coming out like word vomit. This feeling that Lucy had heard something from the woman that I already knew. "If she told you that I hadn't cleaned up the place, she's exaggerating like always. I left her in my apartment for a few hours and when I came back everything was out of place because she has her system that she thinks we should follow." I paused as my eyes darted around the living room of my apartment with a grimace. "A few magazines on the floor is enough to start World War Three in her opinion. You know how that goes."

My eyes lingered on the flowers that sat on the corner table next to my lampshade when they reached them. It was a simple pot and a big array of flowers that my Mother preferred. They were a shade of yellow that I wasn't fond of, they reminded of something that I wanted to forget desperately, however, no matter how hard I glared at the floral arrangement it would spontaneously combust. My Mom didn't listen whenever I told her not to drop by flowers if she wasn't going to remember the ones that I couldn't stand. "You know what kind of flowers she dropped off when she visited though? I've told her time and time again that I don't want to see them."

"Sunflowers?" She asked.

I rolled over on the couch so I wasn't facing the vase. "Who do those flowers think they're fooling? They can't be as bright as the sun and make me happy as they do her." I said. "I just don't think they're all that great." There was a pause on the other line for a moment. Lucy sounded like she was shifting something in her hands and then set it down onto something like a table from the clank in the background. "Well, you can get a decent snack out of them if she got them from Grandpa's gardens, so that's a good bedside treat. I'll try to remind her to pick up something different if she wants to bring you some next time. alright?"

"Much appreciated, sis," I told her with a weak smile crossing my lips. The light from my phone diminished into darkness. I would never have the heart to tell her that those were the flowers that Dad would get for Mom on their anniversary every single year and they just reminded me of a man that I used to know and who was long gone. Someone who was once impossibly light - once who bore the universe, the sun, the stars in my eyes - turned into a withered bed of thorns and a face that I could no longer see behind who he had become in the process. I couldn't stand that thought - and our Mom would never understand how much I hated to see something once great turned into something that left a sour taste in my mouth. I wouldn't be able to sleep if my brain wouldn't give me some reprieve from the nightmares.

I crawled out of bed and decided to go for a walk.

The only place that I could go to think was the bridge in the park that Father had often taken me throughout my life. It was surrounded by the rushing water and some plants overcast from the trees nearby. It was nice to see, well, it might have been nice if it wasn't for the thick dense fog that had brewed before morning twilight. I tried to keep my thoughts together and just feel lighter than the nightmares that haunted me. For a while, I just stood there and tried to feel something. The flowers were out of my reach but I could see the roses from my spot. I hadn't yet begun to paint the piece that I had started a few days but the red flowers reminded me of that strange encounter.

I wonder if I'll ever meet that guy again. They do say people run into others for a reason and the thought of a place prettier then the one I knew still left a little curious. Oh well, I decided. I'll leave that one to fate. The chill air against my skin reminded me that I should turn back head for my apartment. I counted the cracks in the pavement as I headed back - when I counted the last crack, I lifted my head and looked around to see if the dense fog had begun to clear just yet.

"Huh?" I couldn't recognize my surroundings at all. The morning fog was strong enough that I couldn't entirely make out the surrounding buildings but they were not the ones that should have been here. Now, I had experienced periods of fatigue and confusion that left me confused about myself or my environment at times, but this was a different feeling that I was experiencing. This wasn't like my town. I pinched myself and that proved that I was awake and - yes, this was happening. "I guess I should have slept some earlier because I can't even recognize my park. Oh my God, Karen was right about deprivation."

Grabbing my bag, I tore through it to find my phone. When I looked down at my phone I noticed an application was installing. My apps usually updated by themselves during the might when I slept, but this one had a name I wasn't familiar with... Against my better judgment, I decided to see what it was. It opened on my screen and gave me the option to input some reasonably necessary information and then it gave me one more option.

I plugged in my alias as the nickname.

The application didn't give me any option but to enter a mysterious looking chatroom.

Wisteria has entered the chatroom.

Unknown: Hi! Finally, someone to talk to!

I stared at my phone screen uncertain if what I was seeing was real, had I accidentally opened Mystic Messenger and started a new game? The static of the background reminded me of the first I didn't remember doing that... Might my phone be on the fritz? I thought. The background of the chat room was of data and code but it wasn't exactly like the one that I had put to my memory. Something about it made my stomach churn with butterflies. Why was this appearing here of all places?

I clicked the dialogue box.

My keyboard sprung open... and the line flashed as if it was waiting for my input into the box. It didn't give me a choice. It wanted me to input something as a response... Nervously I began to type a message.

Wisteria: Oh... hello?

Unknown: I hope I didn't surprise you. Don't be nervous I'm just an "ordinary person".

Wisteria: Usually when someone says that, they are anything but ordinary, Mr. Unknown.

Unknown: You're funny lol I can't say that I'm extraordinary when I'm introducing myself. Shouldn't I be humble and modest?

Wisteria: I suppose I might have cracked a joke too if I was introducing myself to somebody for the first time too. I can understand the sentiment you're going for. I think. Who are you, exactly? Um, how did this even open? I don't remember downloading any apps.

Who are you, indeed. I clicked out of the chat for a moment to see the name of the application.

RFA...?

It was called RFA Messenger. That was suspicious enough for me to wonder what was going on. It didn't say Mystic Messenger despite looking damn-near identical to the platform with some minor visual differences. Why did it appear so much like it? I wondered. Was this one of fake versions that appeared on the app store? I didn't remember downloading anything like that - I certainly didn't put one on my waitlist. So... What the heck? Sometimes I would download something interesting if it caught my eye but I couldn't remember clicking anything before I left my apartment. It wasn't out of the realm of possibility that I did do it.

"I saw one of those before but... this looks too legitimate to be a fake," I mumbled as I inspected the screen further with scrutiny. "What the heck?"

Another message came in. I continued walking down the path but the bridge seemed much longer than usual for some reason, and for a moment when I knew that I had to look back down at my phone, I stopped just at the second to last pillar.

Unknown: I'm sorry if I surprised you out of nowhere.

Unknown: I'm the developer of this app. What do you think of it? I was hoping you would like it... I'm excited. Because you're the first one to come in, Wisteria! I was worried that no one would come in while I was making the app.

Wisteria: I'm not sure I'm made up my mind on my opinion just yet. This interface looks a simple so props for that concept. I guess I must have downloaded this without entirely reading through it. It's been one of those days. Though, I'm flattered the developer wanted to talk to me directly. Is there something that I can do for you?

Unknown: Oh! I'm so glad you asked! cuz there is a favor I want to ask of you. Though, it is kind of much to ask from a stranger. There is something I want you to help me with.

Wisteria: I guess I can. But I'm still a little wary. Sure!

Unknown: You already decided without hearing me out? My heart's fluttering... I'm so lucky that you came here. This app isn't just a messenger app, it's a game messenger app. I wanted to ask if you could test it.

Wisteria: Why you couldn't you test it yourself? Oh, are you so focused on putting it together that it's hard to look for bugs? I guess it would be easy to overlook something if you've been looking at it for a while. That happens to me sometimes when I'm drawing something and another opinion is always a good thing.

Unknown: You could say something like that I also think an outsider's opinion like yours would be a massive benefit to my game, though as well.

Wisteria: Hm. Well, I can't lie and say I'm busy because I'm not. What's the premise?

Unknown: This app... lets you chat with me but also good-looking AIs. I may be a good looking guy too. But that's for you to decide - The chats aren't everything. There are also hidden stories... Amusing stories that will stir your imagination. All you would need to do... is to play the game and tell me your honest opinion.

Unknown: These are the characters that come out of the game. They're not real people but characters created with AI. What do you think? Don't you think it will be fun?

If I had been holding my breath at that moment it broke past my lips into a gasp. That image! He had sent an image was of the... It was the original title screen of the game when it debuted in the app store! Somebody must have been playing a clever trick on me. Except... Nobody that I was close to knew that I had been spending a lot of time playing Otome games, be it Mystic Messenger on my phone or the few of them that were on my laptop. The only person that might have known about it was my Dad - given he was still around when I started playing in the hospital.

So that couldn't be the case. It was bizarre... yet, compelling. Even if it was some kind of joke, I felt like I should go along with it. Against the feeling in my stomach, once again, I decided to see what would happen if I were to agree to this. I didn't have anything to do except paint and submit my work to the publisher or the writer this week. If this was a joke or a game it would end soon if I just agreed with them.

Wisteria: Alright, sure, I'll help you out!

Unknown: Did you find a pretty face that you like on the poster? If so, you are genuinely fascinating lol

Unknown: I've studied hard to make this messenger game. I hope you enjoy it. I think it will be better if we talk over the phone about the details. Let's talk over the phone. Don't freak out when you see an unknown number pop up, okay?

Unknown has left the chatroom.

The chatroom fizzled into darkness and disappeared from my view.

What had just happened? It was like I was walking through a replica of the game model down to the letter! This was going to end with me looking up and seeing the crew from Punk'd despite it being off the air for more than a decade and a then phone was back to normal so I took what should have been the next few steps off the bridge to the path that would take me home but my feet didn't hit the dirt, they hit concrete instead. I spun around to look at the bridge behind me. It wasn't the same one that I had just stepped off of at all... and the strangest thing was, I thought I saw a stream along the fog that looked like something had warped the space around the bridge.

What I thought was my eyes playing tricks on me at first turned out to be something different entirely.

As the fog cleared up and the sun began to overtake the sky above me, that was when I knew that things weren't as they should have been with a new sense of clarity. This wasn't my neighborhood. These weren't the streets that I knew like the back of my hand. These buildings were just as ordinary as any old city would have but they weren't the ones that should've been here. Nothing was written in English either, the characters seemed familiar but I couldn't gauge them given my panic. I had walked a few blocks ahead to see if anything might have struck a nerve in my memory but it was no use. I could feel the anxiety and panic budding in the pit of my throat. This was not the ideal situation but I needed to stay calm.

I counted to ten... then took a deep breath. I looked at my phone and at whim, opened my Map app just to confirm the theory of my proximate location - the app surged to life and began to search for me, it dinged when it was finished and scrolled out to find my answer. I was... This wasn't home. I was somehow a million miles away from my home, in South Korea of all places. That's not how travel works. How I just traversed the seas and lands in a matter of seconds startled me to my very core.

My phone started to vibrate and I fumbled with it in my hands before pressing the answer button. My breathing was uneven but, I managed to squeak out a little bit in response. "H-Hello?" I asked.

"Hey, it's me, the one you were just chatting with." He said.

"...Unknown?" Were my hands shaking? Was my voice quivering? What was happening right now? I was at the park one moment now I wasn't sure I was in Kansas anymore, Toto. Korea, South Korea of all the places to somehow wind up. I wasn't registering the connection yet because my brain wasn't going... This wasn't my town. My mind was whirling around at a hundred miles an hour and I didn't know what to do. I needed to talk. What did I say? My nervous laugh escaped my lips. He said he would call, right? This is him. The guy pulling this ruse on me. "Oh. You told me not to be frightened but I have to admit the sudden call startled me."

"Yes, that's me. I hope I didn't startle you too much... Your voice sounds so cute over the phone, I can't wait to meet you in person." He paused for a moment. Unknown was someone that a lot of people didn't understand. Well, I could guess his motives and what he doing from what I knew about him from Seven's route but it wasn't enough. This game he was talking to me about wasn't a game, not if I was standing smack dap in the middle of South Korea right now. That was beyond reason and I was struggling to even know what to say to him to make this end well. I could gauge whom he was and how he got there, but why he was tricking me like this was beyond me. "As I said in the chatroom, I called you to explain this app. And I thought talking to you like this would make me sound more, credible. There's a tutorial in the game that can explain everything to the player but it's still being modified, you see... Do you remember those characters I showed you?"

Did I know them? Yes. The five members of Rika's Fundraising Association that were accessible when I played the game. Yoosung Kim, Jaehee Kang, Hyun "Zen" Ryu, Jumin Han, and Luciel "Seven" Choi. The whole point of the Otome was centered around those characters and they were the components of the game. But did he know that I did as far I knew? No. "I do," I said.

"Yeah, that image I sent you of the game consists of the characters that I've been developing. Those will your chatting partners... All five characters in the image are members of an association called the R.F.A." Unknown explained away his plans. He believed that this was a game that he had made, or was this some kind of ploy? These were real people, right? "R.F.A is a closed organization with the purpose of holding fundraising parties... You've been set as the party coordinator, in charge of inviting guests. Just think of it as you being the one in charge of choosing who attends the party."

His voice sounded very familiar. Although, I wasn't sure if Unknown was who I honestly assumed he was just yet. It could just be a coincidence. It couldn't be Saeran Choi, no, no, it couldn't be him and this was just some dream that I was having after a lousy night. I couldn't just gauge by his voice through my cell phone. I wouldn't know until my eyes were on him and I couldn't be sure that, that was a good option. I focused on talking about this game he was telling me about instead. "Whomever you invite as this coordinator will probably gain you more affection points with certain characters, right?" I said. "Though it would depend on how well you can pick up which answers are right and wrong."

"You pick up pretty quickly." There was a chuckle on the other end of the phone. "It would be pretty boring if all you had to do was just that, though, wouldn't you say? You will find out more of their secrets by chatting or calling with them. It would be faster to learn by playing it if I'm honest." So what did he want me to do? He wanted me to test his game that wasn't a game. These were real people with real problems and lives. That was the primary purpose of Mystic Messenger from my world. You play the game and solve the problems for a character. Unknown leading MC to Rika's apartment was the only scenario I was aware of that lead her to the RFA.

This wasn't like that.

I was somewhere that I didn't know the lay of the land and I had no way of finding my way back home. Mystic Messenger was set in South Korea and that was leagues away from where my home was. This wasn't what I knew. I couldn't exactly refuse what he was offering If I did, that might run the possibility of something worse then being on the streets of a country that I didn't entirely know. If I was really in this game right now than I could cause a bad ending by doing something wrong. That didn't leave much of an edge room to make any other answer than the one I had to. Was it possible this was a parallel reality to Mystic Messenger where Unknown was just trying to make a game? That would be too easy of a theory to believe in. Something was going on right now that I couldn't be sure of. His intentions have to be similar to the regular story...? He wants me to get the RFA on my side, so they could be lured to Mint Eye one by one for his savior... Rika.

How would I be able to do this, under the guise of an Otome?

It didn't entirely make sense given what I know.

I had no choice but I decided that I would stick with it.

My silence might have left him nervous about what I was planning - but I brought myself out of my head and gave him my answer. "Sure, alright, I'll do it for you. You've been nothing but polite to me so far. I see no harm in doing something that might help you feel better." Was I going to be in trouble if I went along with him? My memory of the sad endings flashed in my head. He wasn't a bad person, but he had been twisted into something by someone who wanted him to be a pretty pawn. We had that in common. But he was my only choice given my situation. I didn't know where else to turn to but to him now, hopefully, it wouldn't come back to bite me in the ass.

"Thanks! I was worried you would refuse." His cheery response caught me off guard. I didn't remember Unknown coming off like this... He was supposed to brash and calculated. He didn't put up the pleasantries because that was too much effort for him. Unknown seemed different than the one that I had come to know playing the game. "Right, but the game hasn't been released yet and it cannot be revealed to the market. So, to perform the tests, you have to come over here." He said.

Come here? He couldn't mean what I thought. Was he intending to bring me straight to Mint Eye?

"Where's here...?" I asked him.

"You probably won't know even if I told you. It's in the mountains and hard to see from Maps. To maintain confidentiality before the release, it's being developed in a sparsely populated area... Of course, you don't have to come here by yourself if it's too troublesome. I'll send a car over to you if you tell me your address. You could hop onto that and head this way." Well, that answered that question. This was the kind of thing that your mother and father would tell you never to do when you're talking with strangers. It wasn't like I could get his location and head there myself.

I doubted that that sort of liberty was ahead of me. "You're not ridiculing my sense of direction, are you Mr. Unknown? I'm competent, you know. I'm sure I could find my way around."

"Oh, of course not! It would be easier for you is all I'm saying, and it keeps everything tied to the game confidential." Unknown was quick to reassure me of this. "This just saves you some headache, Wisteria."

"Well, I guess if you put it that way. How - How can I refuse?" I gave him the address. I knew my hands were shaking now, I was aware that this was becoming too real for me. If I was going to find out how I got here and understand the situation at hand - It meant that I was going to have to throw myself into the unknown. That meant standing in a place where the root of unrest and fear lived ahead. There was a trickling fear crawling up my back and I wanted desperately for him to take it all back.

"I'll send a car there right now. Please be there. Keep in mind that the road there is confidential, so just do as I tell you and it'll be alright. I should hang up now. I need to get ready." He hung up.

"Wait, tell me this was just a prank!" I cried out, at last, the dull end of the other line of the call was silent.

Unknown wasn't going to answer me. This wasn't a joke anymore, I wasn't playing a game, this was real. I was living and breathing this game now. The morning air seemed thick, just as thick in the bile in my throat. I was left with my thoughts and the jarring realization that I didn't know what was to expect ahead. What had I just gotten myself into? I signed myself to the devil more or less, in a country that wasn't my own and a fear that I knew too well. This city surrounding me wasn't familiar to me and what was worse was the colors of this city seemed muted, not as lively as it should have been. At first, I thought it was my eyes adjusting to the sun once again... But, I now realized this wasn't normal.

I rubbed my eyes.

Everything was blocky, and in a sense, two dimensional. Why was that? The streets were barren for this time of day and I wouldn't be able to confirm my growing thought until the car arrived. My theory was confirmed when a driver appeared a half an hour later, with a blindfold in tow and the appearance of a two-dimensional person.

The driver drove for a period that I couldn't gauge, the roads twisted and turned so much that I would never have had a chance to make a mental map of the roadway if I wanted to do it. It was well outside of the residential area that I had once been in. It was at least an hour away from anything at most - no wonder it took so long for anyone to find out what they were running here. This was somewhere out of the way and out of sight of the average person. "We have arrived." The driver informed me when the car finally went silent and died down and was swallowed by the noise of nature. "You'll need to wait here for a moment, and place the mask back on." I did as I was instructed to do.

It was a few minutes before the driver spoke up once more: "Mr. Ray has arrived." The door opened to my right. "Welcome. I've been waiting. Welcome to this wonderful place. It wouldn't have been an easy decision to come here... Thanks for trusting me."

It wasn't that I trusted him - this was the only thing that I could accept at the moment. I knew better than to say his name, his actual name if it were him, instead, I opted for: "Unknown?"

He seemed to be pleased that I could it was him. "You knew who I was just by listening to the sound of my voice?" He laughed that off. It was the voice that I knew it to be from my time listening to him in the game. There was little no doubt left in my mind that this was him. "Yeah. It's me, username Unknown. Didn't you think Unknown was a funny name? It was a default option because I didn't set up a username in the first place. No special meaning. My name is Ray. Thank you for coming all this way."

"I wanted to show you around," He continued. "I prepped up this and that while waiting for you." Show me around? This was news to me. The Unknown that I knew didn't play around like this. He wouldn't have asked he would have just done it. My fingers lingered against the edge of the mask. I wanted desperately to confirm his identity - the voice wasn't enough for me to accept my situation - I wanted to be entirely sure that this was real. "Oh, don't take off the mask just yet. You can't take it off until you reach your room." He said.

"My room?" I echoed him. I wasn't entirely sure what to make of that. That meant that there was somewhere in this place that I wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. He seemed intrigued by how well I was playing into this on the surface. "Yes, I prepared a comfortable space for you while you're here... I mean, while you're testing you have to stay here. I was worried though since I didn't know what you liked... I hope you'll like it." He said. "I'll hold your hand on the way down from the car."

I took his hand. "Thank you."

"Oh, no thank you. You are doing what I tell you to do." Ray said. Something about that kind of praise didn't make me good. He leads the way into the building and I stayed close by his side. Ray, as he told me, didn't say much at first until we had been walking for a while around the jungle that was this massive building. This was no different than the roadways that lead to this place. You couldn't try to know how you were turning if you wanted to do it. An escape plan wouldn't be possible yet. "You have no idea what a relief it was when you said you'll help. What a relief, thanks to you. You'll be a big help."

I looked in his general location. "Well, you didn't give me any reason not to trust you," I told him even if it was only half sincere. "You seem like a nice guy, I honestly don't mind helping you if it means it'll do you some good." It was better to be on his right side. I didn't know how to predict his movements - I liked Saeran, as much as I liked anyone in the RFA, but I wasn't sure what to expect from him when I wasn't trapped in Rika's apartment. Everyone was hurting to some degree and I couldn't bring myself to be with ill thoughts. He was acting so pleasant and cheery compared to the twisted persona he had garnered from this place.

This response seemed to be good enough. "That's very kind of you," Ray said. "I'll do my best to make you happy while you're here for your diligence." He stopped in his tracks right then as his footsteps died down "Oh. We're here, come I'll remove your blindfold." My eyes readjusted to the light and he came into focus at last in my vision. It was Saeran, it was him. Why was he referring to himself as Ray now? Was it just another alias? He was dressed much differently as well, the tailored coat was bright and he was looking at me with green eyes filled with hope.

"This would be our first time seeing each other face to face, right?" He was smiling. It wouldn't be for me, I thought. This was my first time seeing him in a light different than the dark demeanor and look he had as Unknown, the sole hacker against the RFA. Ray was much softer in appearance somehow - Ray wore a magenta overcoat over a grey vest and white button-up, a striking blue flower was pinned to the lapel of his overcoat. It was a change to the leather and ripped clothes. If he noticed any hesitation in me, I couldn't be sure.

"I suppose it is." I murmured when I found the use of my voice. His character was one that had a lot of struggle. I could relate to his pain on many levels but seeing him in the flesh made me very... wary. It wasn't a good idea to trust someone who lied to you like this. I did want to like him. I just needed to think clearly as I moved forward. "It's nice to put a name to a face."

He returned that with a solid nod of his head, Ray gestured around the room where we were. I just noticed the environment for the first time. This was the kind of room that walked out of a princess fantasy. It was impressive at its grand scale and I had to give them credit for keeping up with the theme like they did. "This is your room. I did my best to prepare everything in here to your liking... still, let me know of any inconvenience. You have full access to this floor of our headquarters, but you'll have to let me know before you go anywhere else. The reason... you know why, right?"

"Because it's strictly confidential like you said," I echoed his words from earlier. "Right?"

"Correct. You have a great memory... I don't hate smart people. I get the feeling you'll pull this off quite well." He said. There was something in his tone that left me feeling like there was more to this then he let on. If the RFA truly were real as Ray was, what did that mean for me? "We still have some time left, I'll explain a bit about the game. As I mentioned before, the purpose of the game is to hold a party with the RFA. All of the characters are the AIs that I have designed. There's one problem as I've tried to make it super realistic with the AIs."

Super-realistic? Was he just trying to downplay how they were really... real people? "They aren't self-aware, are they? That would be a concerning bug to deal with." I cocked my head to the side. "Science hasn't exactly figured out how to perfect them just yet so if you cracked the code, color me impressed, Ray."

He had a small chuckle escape him at my inquiry. "Aha... it's not like that per say. The AIs become just super suspicious when a new person comes in. Your concept is that someone hacked into your messenger and that's how you got into the RFA messenger. Quite suspicious, isn't it?"

I pursed my lips. "Oh. Yeah, that would be cause for alarm."

"Exactly. That's the setting of the game, it's not fun when everyone likes you from the start, is it?" Ray nodded, clearly pleased with my assumption. "They'll ask you about this hacker, of course. But you can't answer them because you know nothing. They will try to pry information out of you though, like your location and this hacker, and they might even try to get information about the creator, me." He continued. "At that, you can't reveal the truth. You must keep the secret until the end. Can you promise me that you won't reveal what we've been talking about to the AIs?"

"It would be game-over otherwise, right?" That look in his eyes told me my answer. "I'll do my best, Ray. That's all I can promise." I told him.

I wasn't entirely sure that I was going to able to keep that promise, however, I would be doing my best for everyone.

"Thanks! I'm so happy that you're so cooperative! Meeting you might have been... fate. Just remember to avoid a game-over, okay? Everything up until now is a secret, and who I am, the fact that they're AIs is a secret too. Be careful, if the game goes through a forced shut-down, you have to start all over again from the beginning. Slight differences are depending on how you talk to them... but even if they don't accept you from that, just tell them: Someone called Rika sent me to hold the party."

"Rika, huh?"

The savior of this place.

"She's a character. The other characters will tell you what kind of character she is, but simply put, she's the one who founded the group in the game. And as I mentioned over the phone, your role in the game is the party coordinator. Depending on how you talk to those potential guests means whether they will attend or decline." He nodded his head. The run-around he was giving me had my head spinning. It was like he was trying to drill the information into my skull over and over to make sure that I understood him. "The number of party guests is also dependent on whether or not a good end is reached, right?" I asked.

That was how it worked, after all.

He nodded his head, pleased. "That's a good guess. It'll spoil the fun if I tell you in advance, if you wanna find out, you'll have to play. Inviting the guests is crucial, try to invite them with whole-heartedly. Don't forget that there will also be interesting events beside the party, within the RFA itself, depending on the choices that you make. You'll have to tell me what you think as you play... even the smallest things are okay. Tell me everything, how the party went, what those characters said to you... That way, I'll know how well the game is going... Your role is important."

I nodded my head and reaffirmed my words. "You can count on me."

My gut told me if I didn't do what they asked I would be in trouble.

"You're very confident! I'm also getting more confident thanks to you. I'll work even harder making his app. It was worth waiting for a tester." That last comment seemed to be more for himself than for me. He outstretched his hand towards me with a lift of his right hand. "Here, hand me your phone, I'll add the app for you."

"Here." I lifted the gadget from my bag and into his waiting hands.

"Thanks, it will only take a few minutes!"

I was being used for something.

Rika's sick little game with her former organization couldn't be stopped quickly.

"Do you have any more questions about the game?" He asked.

There was something I was curious about. "I'm a little more interested to learn about you, Ray." I inquired. "I mean, this is your creation after all. The more I know about you the more that I can understand your game and give you feedback worth listening to, you know." The more that I understood about him the more natural it might have been for me to understand my environment. What was going on in Magenta? What year was it? What was the RFA going through if Saeran was like this? The boy in front of me was much softer than the Unknown I knew. As we looked into each other's eyes, I could see something in them that I often held.

Ray seemed startled by the admission. "Me? Hahaha... You're more interesting then I thought. Though I'm not a character inside of the game. I've always dreamed of someone who's a good listener to what I say. My voice is quite small... Most people don't seem to listen very well. Oh, I know I keep emphasizing this but... don't forget to keep the secret, alright? Don't ever... try to get game over easily, promise me that, please?"

"Of course." I didn't want to face something grim.

He handed my phone back to me with a smile. "Thanks a lot! I want to talk to you some more, but I have to get going now, Wisteria. I want you to give it your best, party coordinator." Ray made the move to head to the door after this. I turned around to watch him take a few steps towards the door and when his hand touched the knob - the words left my lips before I could stop myself.

"Wait."

He didn't move.

"My name isn't Wisteria."

"Oh?" Ray was staring at me from the corner of his vision, he didn't say much else when I spoke. I'm sure he had his theories if he hadn't found out already by going through my phone. "Is that so?"

"It's not safe to give out your name over the internet so easily you know. That's why people use usernames in the first place, sometimes you chose something you like other times you just let the default stick as you did with Unknown." That was a layer of protection, be it chosen or not. Nobody wanted everyone to know who they were, it was easier to pretend. I wanted to trust Ray because I knew he could be good. Anybody else with the right mind would have refused him and called the police about the operation. That was the realistic option. But if I dropped the line and did that would it solve the problem of me being a different country by myself? How would I know that that was going to do it? Even if I said no to him in the first place, was somebody watching me while I was on the phone with Ray? Would they have gotten me if I didn't?

What was even a stronger thought was: I couldn't be sure that I even existed in this reality. There was a massive possibility that any attempts at searching for me would be filled with confusion and endless error screens. If nobody knew I existed here, then there wasn't a chance of getting out of the situation unscathed. I didn't have any records. No one could come looking for me. I guess it didn't matter if I gave my name or not. The only traces of who I was were with me. It wouldn't hurt me if Ray at least knew my first name.

"Is there a reason why you chose that one?" Ray asked, breaking my train of thought.

"I guess you could say that, or it could no different than how you accepted Unknown as yours," I said. "It's just one of those things you learn the truth of after you've been friends for a while." I wasn't sure why I felt compelled to be honest with him. Somewhere inside of me, I knew that Saeran wasn't intentionally a villain in this story, he had been coerced and deceived by Rika for a long time and it took its toll and twisted him into someone he was not. I wanted to trust him, or maybe I just wanted him to trust me. "And - And if we're going to working together from now on, then, then I would like us to be friends someday."

I lifted my head and looked at him. "It's Lila."

"Lila, huh?" With those words in his mind, he exited the room and went back to who knows where in the building. This was different then the Mystic Messenger I had been playing, the last route I had completed was Seven - It had seemed to be the route that explained everything and cleared up all the answers that we learned along the way in the other routes with the RFA members.

The fact that I was standing here meant there had to be something more to the game or this was some kind of alternate universe. The moment Saeran- no, Ray left me to my thoughts was the first moment that I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. I had to do a double take on my reflection. "It's me...?" I raised my hand to the mirror - my fingertips brushing against the edge of the cold glass. It looked like me, but at the same time, it didn't seem like it was me. It was as if I were me, but I wasn't me.

As if it wasn't jarring enough to my vision for the world to appear two dimensional- it appeared as though I had been changed to match my surroundings. My eyes and hair were the same color as always, brown as always. My features were much more subtle here, I almost wasn't sure this was me. I was wearing the same dress that I had on when I left my house this morning, my hair was tucked back with the black bow I always pulled it in when I wanted it out of my face and a reassuring pinch lets me know this was more than mere fantasy. My figure was as thin as it had become... I knew underneath my clothes there was the body I hated and yet it still belonged to me. It was like I had become a drawing in my own notebooks and not in a good way. My heart pounded in my chest at a resounding rate.

"It is me."

My phone went off in my hand. I lifted it into view and saw the notification alerting me to an open chatroom that I could enter. That meant that my game had officially begun.

Wisteria has entered the chatroom.

[pandarth-omega]

ok, time to write some coherent thoughts about this first semi. first off, wow. people have been calling it the best, strongest semi of all time since the participating countries were announced, and i always just sorta nodded my head along with that. it’s only now, when i’m seeing for real who missed out on the final next to who made it that i truly understand this statement and stand by it. the quality of music tonight was mostly excellent, even if a couple of the vocals weren’t quite there.

DISCLAIMER: i know jack shit about music and i’m pretty sure i’m at least somewhat tone deaf, so you can take anything i say regarding music/vocals with a handful of salt.

so with that out of the way, let’s do a country-by-country breakdown.

__________________________________________

AZERBAIJAN

decent staging, but a bit bland since she didn’t really move a lot after the first chorus. vocals seemed a little bit wobbly to me but nothing too bad. i enjoyed it. too bad it broke azerbaijan’s perfect qualifying streak but i can’t say i’m surprised given the other songs in the semi. maybe if it had a better position it could have sneaked into the final.

ICELAND

staging was pretty appropriate to the song, i liked the background changing colour. glad he ditched the metronome dance from the national final. vocals seemed pretty strong to me. overall a good performance but never a qualifier, especially from this semi. you can do it iceland, just keep trying!

ALBANIA

if you’ve been following me for a while (or just looked at some of my older posts) you’ll know i had very mixed feelings about the revamp. no longer. eugent fucking killed it tonight and my biggest fear was that he wouldn’t qualify. if i had to suggest an improvement, i’d say his staging was a little static when compared to the original music video (not the new weird one) but honestly that didn’t bother me too much. so hyped to see albania in the final WITH AN ALBANIAN SONG. this could lowkey be a dark horse this year.

BELGIUM

staging was pretty good, i’m a fan of how she started off like in the music video with the strip of light. vocals seemed pretty strong in the verse but faltered a bit in the chorus. honestly suprised this didn’t qualify given all the pre-show hype around it. it was never one of my favourites but i thought it would be one of the conteders for the trophy. guess i was wrong lol.

CZECH REPUBLIC

great performance. i’m interested to see what it would have been like if he hadn’t hurt his back, but the final result feels full. like, if i didn’t know they had to change it i wouldn’t have guessed that they did. i do, of course, have to mention the fact that the dancers dabbed. memes in eurovision continues! a little bit surprised that this qualified to be honest but i look forward to seeing him again in the final

LITHUANIA

in all honesty, one of the most beautiful entries in eurovision ever. like, i almost started crying towards the end there. loved her vocals, staging was simplistic but perfect and that one sentence in lithuanian was more than i hoped she would go for. so thrilled that this qualified.

ISRAEL

well let’s just say i’m not even remotely surprised that this qualified, though i kinda suspect it might not be in the top 3 of the semi. idk, just a gut feeling. performance was pretty much spot on although i think that the fast paced, erratic nature of the song makes it suffer a little live as it can never be as smooth as the studio version (obviously, but still). dancers in the background were great, chicken noises were great, just such a fun entry.

BELARUS

i have mixed feelings about this performance. overall the song has grown on me and while i liked certain aspects of his staging (quivering hands, rose on the camera, bow and arrose) certain other aspects were less appealing. looking at you, flowers growing out of spine. again, not surprised that this didn’t qualify.

ESTONIA

yeah, she gonna win.

.

.

.

in all seriousness, this was astounding. i wouldn’t put the song in my top 10 and probably not my top 20 either but i can’t deny a brilliant performance when i see one. everything from the dress to her vocals was spot on and i would honestly have been shocked if this hadn’t gone through.

BULGARIA

this was a great performance. i loved the effects and the different members’ roles in the song. i honestly can’t really find many words to describe this. just great. see ya on saturday.

MACEDONIA

pretty generic staging tbh but not in a bad way. wardrobe was - uh - interesting (do i smell a barbara dex award?) but vocals were pretty decent overall. not surprised we had to say goodbye but sad nonetheless. another nq year for macedonia. ~~just send crno i belo again, you got this~~

CROATIA

this has grown on me a lot since i first heard it and franka had strong vocals tonight but i found the staging to be a bit lacking. i mean, i’m no choreographer but i feel more could have been done with this. shame we won’t see croatia in the final but again, no real surprises there.

AUSTRIA

pretty solid staging. i’m sure that platform means something but idk what. he had strong vocals and was energetic, no surprise he qualified.

GREECE

i really liked this. her vocals were on point and the staging was pretty damn good, though it could have been a bit more dynamic at times. i thought for sure greece was a safe qualifier and i am in shock that gianna didn’t make it! i mean, how can something like “oniro mou” miss the final and then something like “rise up” make it? no hate against “rise up”, that was a bop, but seriously. this is probably what made me the most salty today. not just that greece’s 100% qualification streak is well and truly done but that a masterpiece like “oniro mou” now lies in the history books next to grimaces “utopian land”.

FINLAND

what a performance this was. glad to see she changed it up from the national final, though i’m not sure why she enjoys being upside down so much... i will admit i lowkey miss the neon colours a little. vocals were excellent, as expected and she qualified, as expected.

ARMENIA

ah yes, super salty vol 2. i don’t think i ever listed armenia as a sure qualifier but i always assumed it would reach the final. this is just such a powerful song and his vocals are just oh my god. i’m not sure what the significance of discount stonehenge was but it for sure looked in place. i just don’t know how this failed to qualify. speechless.

SWITZERLAND

i think it’s almost a tradition by now for switzerland to send something great and get robbed. i’m just saying if this were in semi 2 it would qualify for sure. i’m sad they decided to drop their neon triangles from the national final but i enjoyed their performance nonetheless. the ending was especially cool.

IRELAND

another song which has grown on me a lot. the performance was sweet and the dancers were great. the girl at the piano reminded me of molly sterling (ireland 2015 robbed fucking blind). i will admit i was surprised to see it qualify but i can see this being a dark horse as well.

CYPRUS

wow. what a way to end a show, right? she absolutely owned the stage and i am in love with the choreography. vocals were also fantastic, like how do you do all that dancing and are still able to sing??? this is definitely a contender for the trophy and to be honest i wouldn’t mind nicosia 2019. that much.

__________________________________________

whew that took way longer than i expected. i think for a first attempt at a detailed breakdown that was pretty decent. hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts and maybe i’ll do another one of these thursday night, depending on if i feel like it or not.

have a good one!

NOTE: the app won’t let me put more than 30 tags on this post for some reason so i’ll have to put the rest on from the desktop site but i cba to do that now so it’ll happen tomorrow this has now been done

[loading99percent]

Exclusive 1/3

Pairing: LYJ x OC (Melanie/Li Xiangjun) || CXK x OC (Serena/Jiang Yingyue) Genre: slice of life, college!au, fluff Word Count: 4,389 Summary: Lin Yanjun openly flirts with Melanie, yet she’s tired of his games and can’t take him seriously. Cai Xukun and Serena chill on a daily, but there’s gotta be more than that between them. Eventually enough, the boys just want the girls exclusively to themselves.

part one.part two.part three

Warning: matured content as in college related stuff. swear words. NOT MOBILE FRIENDLY! not sure why, but it has all the breaks and stuff while on a desktop. (teach me if mobile is different and it can be done!)

Here is my second one! Not requested, but will get to the one that I did receive! Also this is going to be split into parts because I had a commentator complain about the length that they had to scroll, but like I can’t do anything about that if you’re on mobile besides give a warning. Anyways, so yeah, this is part 1 of and happy reading! kthxbai, Admin Lia~

"Alright, fellas. Tomorrow's the start of our annual one day scavenger hunt." Yu Bin, the president of Iota Phi Theta, announced to his fellow members. "I know there hasn't been any incidents as of yet, but don't break any laws or school's rules while obtaining the picture or video proofs in completing the list." Yu Bin reminded them. "I-P-T ain't like that and we're not going to start now."

"So when it hits midnight you guys can start on the list." Li Junyi, the vice-president of IPT, spoke next. "You have until eleven-fifty-nine P-M to return back to the house. You'll be disqualified if you're not back before then and your points won't be added to Iota Phi Theta's End of the School Year raffle. Or for the chance to be I-P-T's center for the End of the Year photo and host of the last banquet. Or the monthly prizes."

"Let's all remember it's all for fun so there's no real competition except if you wanna win the raffle and center and host positions, of course." Zhou Rui, the secretary of IPT, informed them with a smile. "An entry with your name is added to the raffle for every thirty-five points you earn. So make it count if you're aiming for that." His gaze then scanned the many faces before him. "If not, then you can still turn your points in for awesome monthly prizes."

"Don't forget your placards needs to be present in the picture or video as it will indicate validation." Kaihao, the treasurer of IPT, concluded. "We ask all of you fellow brothers to represent Iota Phi Theta with respect and anyone or something else involved with respect, too." Kaihao looked at the other three for approval as the trio either nodded before gazing back at the members. "Meeting adjourned. Have a good night, fellas"

Serena abruptly woke to Melanie's ring tone going off. She sat up in bed to glare at the sleeping figure who wasn't disturbed by the sudden sound at all as it continued to ring and vibrate simultaneously. Serena let out a huff as she felt about her bed for something to throw at Melanie. Once she felt one of her stuffed dolls she chucked it at Melanie across the room, but it missed its target.

Serena reached once more around her bed, found another doll a second later, and threw it. It made contact with its target, but it surely didn't wake the sleeping girl. Serena groaned while rubbing her face in annoyance, but lied back down when the ringing stop.

Closing her eyes once more, Serena groaned when Melanie's phone went off again. "I swear this bitch has selective hearing even while asleep."

Serena let out a sigh as she rose from bed and made her way over to Melanie. Shaking the edge of the bed with her foot, Melanie didn't budge from the action. Serena moved her foot and tapped on Melanie's feet, but still nothing. Serena rolled her eyes and placed both hands to shake Melanie's figure roughly which jerked the other girl awake.

"Hmm?" Melanie hummed in a half-awake and half-asleep state.

"Answer your phone. It went off twice and I'm sure who's ever trying to contact you is gonna call again." Serena said in a tired tone just as Melanie's phone went off again. "Answer it or I'm chucking that shit out the window."

This woke Melanie as she brushed off Serena's threat. "Yeah, yeah, go back to bed, Rina."

Serena huffed to indicate that she was still annoyed, but returned to her bed while Melanie checked to see who it was and silenced the sound to not annoy her friend some more. Melanie noticed the two missed calls as well as several text messages from three people. Not wanting to deal with it at the moment Melanie silenced her phone until it was placed for only alarms to go off which would be at around 9ish AM and went back to bed.

Serena did the same thing when she felt the first vibration upon settling back in bed. It was only twenty-one minutes passed eleven, but she needed all the sleep she could get before attending her 8AM class tomorrow. The other person can totally wait until then. Or not. Depending on her mood.

"You have got to be kidding me." Serena said in disbelief upon arriving early to her 8AM class which was apparently cancelled for the rest of the week. "You think by now I would check the stupid thing." She scolded herself before sighing afterwards while running a hand through her hair.

Serena heard a chuckle from behind her and turned around to see her classmate and friend, Cai Xukun, standing there with two bubble tea drinks and an amused expression upon his face. "I knew you'll be here since you hardly check your phone or the school's app."

"Oh you're so smart, KunKun." Serena mockingly stated as cast him a tired look. "What are you doing here anyways if you knew class was cancelled?"

"Well, I knew you would show up and thought I would make your morning better after realizing there's no class this early morning." He grinned as Serena rolled her eyes. "Oh wow, the great and mighty Cai Xukun gracing me with his royal presence."

Xukun's excited expression dampened a bit. "Gee, thanks. I was going to give you this taro milk tea to make you feel better, but instead I'll enjoy it myself." He smirked as he took a sipped out of the purple drink. "Ah, so delicious."

"Go ahead." She shrugged as she walked right passed him. "I'll buy myself something else and kill time before my next class."

Xukun followed after her with a pout. "You know it was for you."

"I do, but you put your nasty germs on it and so I don't want it."

"But you share things with everyone else though?"

"I know, but you're a different story."

"Then you can have the other one." He offered her the yellow drink.

"No thanks. I don't really like passion fruit."

"It's not like I have cooties, YingYing."

"Um, KunKun, have you forgotten that you're a bit of a germophobe? That's why I said you were a different story." Serena eyed him as Xukun shrugged nonchalantly. "A little bit, but it's not that big of a deal. Really."

"Yeah right, next time say that in front of your fangirls because I don't wanna get killed by them which I realized right now and am definitely surprised that there are none lurking around sending me death glares."

"Stop. I don't have fangirls. They're just..." Xukun trailed off as Serena cast him a knowing look and repeated her previous statement. "Fangirls."

"Whatever you wanna call them, they won't kill you. You're my friend and I haven't seen them give you any dirty looks."

"Because, one, they're two-faced because when you turn around their so-called angelic face appears. Two, I'm a female friend that's closer to you than they'll ever be to which to this day I still don't know how we're friends, honestly. We don't really have that much in common."

"Friends don't always have to have similar interests, Ying. It's mutual respect and a connection. Anyways, is that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing?" Xukun interjected upon hearing the friend part

"You can take it however you want." Serena chuckled before continuing. "Anyways, I guess that's true about not having similar interests. Maybe that's why you're a brat and always copy my homework and sit next to me in class when you can literally sit anywhere else."

"Because you have better handwriting and you don't stare at me constantly."

"I wonder why." She rolled her eyes before shooting him a look. "Psh. And here you say they're not your fangirls." Serena then took the purple drink from him and took a sip. "Thanks though, but you still owe me something to eat from last time."

"Yeah, yeah. I know. You won't stop reminding me. Anyways, forget about them. They're not important." He dismissed the topic about the fangirls. "I'll meet you in the library at our usual spot then." Xukun informed her as the two split in different directions.

Melanie was peacefully sleeping before it was disrupted by her phone going off. At first she didn't hear it, but eventually after the third time it went off, she woke and stared at her phone in confusion.

"Didn't I put it only for the alarm?"

She chucked it and realized she didn't and only assumed that she did. She let out a sigh when her phone went of again.

"Hello?" She answered sleepily not even checking to see who the caller was.

"Hey, do you have a bra that you no longer use and are willing to give it up. No questions ask?" The person on the other side asked causing Melanie to open her eyes with furrowed eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

"I want your bra, JunJun. Give it to me." He demanded seriously and Melanie finally looked at her mobile screen to see who the caller was and rolled her eyes before sitting up in bed. "Shut up, Fen. The last time I gave you my bra you gave me back another girl's bra."

"I said I was sorry."

"It wasn't even the same size or color."

"I said I would buy you a replacement."

"Which I'm still waiting for, my dude."

"I'm working on it, but I really need it." There was a pause before another voice spoke. "Can you make it two, Jun?"

"Ugh, BoBo. I thought you were better than this."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Both males asked a second later as Melanie groaned. "I'm going back to bed. Talk to me after I wake up."

"Fine. We'll see you in class." The duo responded and Melanie hung up on them with a sighed. "So annoying."

Serena was casually making her way towards the library and before she could walk up the steps towards the building she suddenly and loudly heard her nickname, Yue Tu which meant Moon Rabbit, being shouted from behind her. Just as she had turned around to see who it was she was suddenly tackled to the ground with the person on top of her while her drink fumbled away from her.

"Smile!" The male announced happily as he held up his phone with one hand while the other hand held a placard to take a self-portrait of himself and Serena whereas Serena partially blocked her face in time while trying to shove off another friend and classmate of hers off of her. "Get off, Qin Zimo!"

Zimo chuckled nervously as he obeyed while backing away from Serena with a good amount of space between them as another friend and classmate, Jing Peiyao, joined them a moment later while catching his breath.

"Sorry, Yue. I would have stopped him, but once he saw you he ran so fast that I couldn't keep up." Peiyao said once he caught his breath before a cheeky smile appeared on his face. "Also, I wanted to see what would happen and the outcome was hilarious."

"You're a brat, Yao." Serena scoffed while fixing herself, but shot the two a friendly look. "What are you two doing out and about?"

"Trying to complete the scavenger list." Zimo answered as he held up his placard. "I really want that anime figurine set although I have no idea which anime figurines they are."

"Of course." Serena rolled her eyes before it landed on the boba that Xukun had given her. "You owe me a drink, MoMo."

"I will if only..."

"If only what?"

"Basically Zimo wants you to help him out with gaining points." Peiyao answered with a blank look. "That's why he ran so fast to catch you."

"The last time I helped I still didn't get my reward."

Zimo nervously rubbed the back of his neck before casting the female a pleading look. "I will double the reward, for sure this time, just please help me out, Yue Tu, especially since your a Nu Chi Phi member and it'll double or even triple the points."

"Ugh, fine, but I'm only doing two with you since you tackled me." She then glared at him. "You already took one, so you're left with one now."

"Oh, thank you, thank you!" Zimo thanked her while wrapping his arms around her in a hug. "You're the best."

"Yeah, yeah, just tell me one of them that you need to do."

"I don't get why you put up with it, Yue, when you know that you don't want to do it." Peiyao stated as Serena shrugged. "I dunno. I guess you gotta give good karma to receive good karma."

"Wow. So it's basically for your own selfish gain?"

"Sure, why not? Don't judge me, Yao." She narrowed her eyes at Peiyao. "How come you're not doing any?"

"Because I have enough points to get what I want already." He answered with a smirk. "Besides, I would rather enter the raffle then collect now."

"I see."

"Anyways, I already did the 'Tackle the opposite gender'. Let's see what else I can do." Zimo muttered loudly as he checked his list and marked off the ones that he had already done. "Oh, how about this one, Yue Tu?"

Zimo showed Serena the option as Serena nodded. "Sure, MoMo."

Zimo happily got his phone ready to take the picture as Serena endured the Iota Phi Theta's scavenger list for the sake of friendship while partially covering her face since she didn't want to get exposed either. She ended up doing a few more. The things she does in wanting to help out Zimo since the subjects weren't breaking laws or humiliating towards the members or others. Something she gave Iota Phi Theta credit for while being a fraternity.

Peiyao laughed at the scenes before him as he knew this wasn't Serena's thing, but she still went with it just for the sake of being a kind friend. Of course Serena glared at Peiyao when the camera wasn't in her face because she knew his taunting laughter was just to tease her. After that the trio bid good-byes with Serena picking up her wasted boba drink to toss before making her way inside the library.

Melanie was woken again by her phone, but by a different person. She ignored it the first and second time, but grew annoyed when her mobile went off again and she gruffly answered the caller.

"What?"

"Sheesh. Who peed in your cereal this morning?" The male responded.

"That's nasty, Jing." Melanie replied as she sat up in bed knowing she wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep and should've silenced her phone after Qin Fen had called her. "What do you want, You. Zhang. Jing?"

"Wow. Seriously, Li. Xiang. Jun." He mimicked the way she said his name before speaking normally again. "Why are you so grouchy, huh?"

"Because I can't go back to sleep now. People been bothering me with phone calls all morning. Like you."

"Rude. I was gonna invite your fellow fat ass out for breakfast, but since you're being such a morning bitch, Xiang, I'll leave you alone."

"Breakfast where?"

"Oh, now she wants to play nice."

Melanie rolled her eyes hearing the sarcasm in her friend's voice. "Shut up, Jing. You still owe me from last. Four times."

Zhangjing groaned. "You're still keeping tabs on that? That was like weeks ago."

"Yeah, because your bitch ass supposedly forgot your wallet those four times."

"I did forget it. What?" Zhangjing hurriedly changed the topic to avoid facing Melanie's annoyance tone once again. "Anyways, XiangXing, I got you, girl. I won't forget my wallet and I'll even treat you. Whatever you want."

Melanie grew suspicious. "What's the catch?"

"What are you talking about? There's no catch."

"Yeah there is. You never offered to treat me. And you also never say 'whatever you want' so there's more to this than you're telling me."

"That part was an afterthought, Xiang. Don't get so analytical." Zhangjing scoffed. "So yes or no to breakfast?"

"Yes. Text me and I'll meet you."

"Already did."

"Brat."

Zhangjing laughed as he hung up and Melanie went to get ready for the day.

Xukun entered the quiet area where he and Serena met often in the library and hung out while spotting his friend sleeping with her arms folded on the table and her head using them as a pillow. He chuckled at the sight while placing a bagel sandwich with ham and cheese along with a Starbucks coffee by her things.

Once Xukun settled in the chair next to her while taking a sip of his own Starbucks drink did Serena stir awake and looked over at him sleepily while scrunching her nose at the aroma of the drinks. "Gah, I hate the smell of coffee."

Xukun's eyebrows furrowed. "I thought you like coffee?"

"I actually don't like coffee at all." Serena answered as she pushed her coffee away and towards Xukun while picking up the bagel to eat. "Thanks."

Xukun stared at Serena questioningly in mid-bite of his own bagel sandwich. "Wait a minute, YingYing. Are you telling me that you hate coffee despite me buying it for you every time we have study sessions together since we've met?"

"Uh, yeah, basically." Serena answered with a sheepish laugh. "Sorry, not sorry?"

"Dude, why didn't you just tell me? You honestly finished it every time or leave a little bit and I didn't think anything of it."

"Because you genuinely looked pleased every time you gave it to me and I just didn't have the heart to tell you or throw away a majority of it since you used your own money to buy it."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me."

"You'll get over it. Anyways, KunKun, now you have double the coffee for your day today."

Xukun side-eyed her while taking the other drink back and taking a quick sip from it. "What else are you hiding from me?"

"A lot of things, KunKun. A lot." Serena answered nonchalantly as she bit into her sandwich while not expanding further leaving Xukun to just leave it at that for now.

When he brought out his materials to study, a loose piece of paper floated to the ground and Serena went to retrieve it instead before Xukun could. Upon closer inspection she realized that it was the same IPT scavenger list that Zimo had.

"I forgot you were in Iota Phi Theta. " Serena said while placing the paper on top of his bag. "So you're doing this, too?"

"Something like that." Xukun answered as he picked it up to scan it. "I haven't really started, but I don't think I'm going to do it either."

"Why not?"

"I don't have time. I really need to pass my classes this semester. I barely managed last semester."

"It's easier to do with a friend. The scavenger hunt list, I mean. I'm sure you have some."

Xukun rolled his eyes. "I do, Ying. I'm not completely as anti-social as you, but my schedule doesn't correlate well with theirs."

Serena glanced at him dismissing the comment about her being anti-social. "Do you want to complete the list?"

"Well yeah, I do, but I don't have the time to do so."

"What do you get out of this list if you complete the whole thing?"

"Well the points I accumulate will give me entries to the End of the School Year raffle."

"But there's something else that you want, right?"

Xukun smiled embarrassed as the thought of what he wanted popped into his head. "Yeah."

"And that is?" Serena tried to get it out of him. "Tell me and I'll help you."

"You will?" He asked shocked before eyeing her suspiciously. "Wait, why? You would rather be in bed right now than doing anything really productive."

"I have my moments, Kun, and I feel like doing something productive today besides school stuff at the moment."

"Y'know there's like fifty things on that list."

"True, but it's mainly to help out a friend. Also I know that you want this. So what is it?"

"If I complete that list or score the most points out of anyone for that list, then I get to be center for the group photo when school's over."

"That's it?"

"Yeah. Oh and I get to host the final house banquet this school term and the first house banquet next school term."

"Okay, that's good."

Xukun looked at Serena unsure. "Are you sure you want to help me?"

"I mean, not really, but I don't mind helping out others from time to time." Serena shrugged with a small smile.

"Alright, thanks, but I do need a date though for the banquet."

"And I'm sure that won't be a problem."

"Could I ask you in advance since you won't be all..."

"Fangirl mode."

"Yeah."

"See, even you're thinking they're fangirls now."

Xukun rolled his eyes, but looked at her with hopeful eyes. "So what do you say? Will you be my date?"

"I'll think about it."

Xukun scoffed at her response as Serena chuckled. "Anyways, let's go make you center, Cai Xukun, and a banquet host."

Melanie was currently messaging Zhangjing asking him how long he'll be since she's been waiting at Little Tangerine for at least ten minutes now when she heard the chair across from her scraped against the floor and assumed it was her friend.

"About ti-" She paused when she saw Lin Yanjun instead of Zhangjing and mentally strangled Zhangjing in her head. "I knew it was a set up."

Yanjun chuckled as he glanced at her. "What's a set up? I thought we were all meeting for breakfast?"

"Zhangjing didn't mentioned a third party."

Yanjun shrugged with a smile. "He mentioned you to me."

"I bet." Melanie rolled her eyes before roaming her eyes over to the male before her. "Anyways, then where is the one that invited us?"

"Dunno."

"You guys are roommates."

"Doesn't mean I keep tabs on him."

"Mmhmm."

Melanie leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms over her chest shooting Yanjun a knowing look. Yanjun imitated her posture, but he had on an amused expression instead. The two stared at one another for a good few seconds before Yanjun broke the silence.

"Don't give me that look, Melanie."

"What look, Evan?"

"The one you're giving me now."

"What about it?"

"Stop looking like you wanna kill me."

"Oh, it's not you I wanna kill, today. It's your friend."

Yanjun rolled his eyes as he casually leaned forward. "He's your friend, too, but don't kill him yet. I still need him to pass this semester and you can kill me after I graduate."

"Fine." Melanie rolled her eyes, but relaxed her posture. "Anyways, what are you doing here when you and I don't ever hang out?"

"Zhangjing invited me of course, Xiangjing, but really I came for the bread." Yanjun grinned as Melanie shook her head with a laugh. "You can buy bread anywhere, Yanjun, and say no to the invite."

"But I love the ones here and why would I say no when I get to see your lovely face."

He grinned at her as Melanie made a disgusted face before brushing off his rights. "Right."

Silence fell between them again with neither of them wanting to get up and make an order. The duo continued to wait for Zhangjing who was still running late. Yanjun broke the silence once more.

"Hey, so I was wondering if-"

Melanie interrupted him. "No."

"But you haven't even heard the whole thing yet."

"I don't care."

"But you don't even know what I was gonna ask you."

"After what happened last time, Evan, I don't wanna be involved with whatever you got going on for the fourth time." Melanie narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm going to put a restraining order on you the next time you you want a crazy psycho bitch of a fangirl to stop bothering you."

"Look, they all have their moments." Yanjun tried to explain, but Melanie held up a hand to stop him.  "Save it. I don't care because I'm not gonna let you use me again for a fourth time to which I didn't even agree with the other three times. You basically forced me and put me on the spot each time."

"Okay, Melanie, okay. I get it. I'm sorry." Yanjun apologized with a genuine expression. "I know it was selfish of me to use you as my pretend girlfriend to get these girls off my back, but you happened to be conveniently there at my time of need all those times."

"So were practically twenty other girls, Lin. Yan. Jun."

"I trusted you the most."

"We're only mutual through mutual. We're technically not even friends if I was to be honest. Hell, even Yirang, Fu Jing, Manjun, and Niyi were there and you know them better than you know me and you could've used them over me."

"You were closer." Yanjun reasoned as Melanie rolled her eyes giving up on trying to pull the truth out of him while standing up and collecting her things. "Whatever. I'm gonna order and sit at another table so that I don't have to deal with you further within the morning."

"Oh, c'mon, Xiangjun. My company's not that bad."

"Not really you, per se, Yanjun, I think, but those involved around you just gives me a headache with all the bullshit that surrounds you."

"Wow."

"Okay, bye!" Melanie happily told him while making her way towards the front counter as Yanjun looked after her with a defeated expression before his phone pinged indicating he received a message.

He checked it and saw that it was from Zhangjing. 'Lin Yanjun, zero. Li Xiangjun, nine thousand'. Yanjun glanced around the shop and spied his friend across the room in disguise while eating a bag of chips and waving at him mockingly.

'Better sleep with one eye open tonight, buddy'. Yanjun messaged Zhangjing back before shooting him a smirk and Zhangjing stopped his little antics and hurriedly left Little Tangerine without Melanie noticing him.

[meltingalphabet]

You don't know what you've got till it's gone

Would you describe yourself as spoiled?

My pencil glided over the paper, a smooth trail of graphite following. With a satisfying scratch, I circled “No.” The smell of fresh paper and pencil shavings took me back to high school. Before I was an adult. Before I knew how difficult life could get.

Would you describe your close friends as spoiled?

I hesitated.

First there was Meredith. Meredith, whose parents made damn sure she never endured hardship. Who paid for her Ivy League degree out of pocket and financed extended trips abroad in the name of their only child’s self discovery. Who owned the luxury apartment Meredith called her own. Who nested her in the comfort of unearned extravagance.

Meredith is an artist, they’d say. Meredith is a tortured soul who needs freedom to work on her novel without the hideous distraction of a 9 to 5. She is a creative who cannot be caged by the struggle of the common folk, but must sit and be and think and ponder and write and give a voice to the common folk and their struggle.

Then there was Erica. Erica, who glided by on her looks. Who didn’t have to work on her personality because she didn’t need one. Who could be rude without consequence. Her instincts unchecked, her id free to roam. Why would she think about you when everyone won’t stop thinking about her? It’s not inconsiderate if there’s nothing to consider. If she forgot who you were, you should’ve made yourself more memorable.

I circled “Yes.”

My eyes scanned the last question.

On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being the least, how appreciative are you of what you have?

What did I have? A shitty job, a tiny overpriced apartment. Jiggly upper arms, frizzy hair. My hand hovered over the 4. Robert’s warm smile. His soft kisses.

Sighing, I circled 8. I had a shelter, a stable relationship, a loving family. Life was good. Even if other people had it better than me.

Around me were 11 other people seated at small identical desks completing short identical surveys. Different shapes and sizes, ages and races. All completely forgettable.

A woman in her mid twenties sat at the front of the room poking at a tablet. She wore a neat expensive looking grey sweater. Her brown hair was pulled back into a tight bun. The desk she sat at was modern but simple, the desktop empty but for a plain water bottle. Both the desk and woman looked like they were from an IKEA catalog. Generic but tidy, desirable but empty.

I walked towards her, my completed survey in hand. She looked up from her tablet with a small smile and gestured to the corner of the desk.

Her voice was smooth but neutral. “Thank you, Laurie.”

I placed my answers face down beside her, completing the nostalgic experience of taking a quiz.

“Please proceed to the waiting room. We will get you once it has been processed.”

Not wanting to make additional noise, I nodded and smiled at her, but she was already looking back at her screen.

An hour later I sat in front of another tasteful but bland desk. Dr. Howden scanned the tablet in front of him, his fingertips pressed together.

Finally, he looked up at me. “Thank you for participating in our study, Ms. Cartland. We here at the Galvin Institute depend on volunteers such as yourself.”

I smiled. $300 to come fill out a survey, yeah no problem mister.

“Of course.” I said politely.

“We’d like to invite you to continue as a participant. The study is 6 days and pays $900 a day, along with a $1,000 signing bonus.”

My mouth fell open. “Sorry, how much?”

Dr. Howden’s smile tightened. “At the completion of the study you will have been awarded $6,400.”

I quickly calculated the cost of my morals. Is it worth $6,400 to inject myself with something that would make me lose all my hair? I shrugged internally. It’ll grow back. Probably. There’s always wigs.

“Is the study risky?”

“Oh no, not at all. All we ask of you is to answer 3 simple questions every day.”

“You just want me to answer questions?”

Dr. Howden opened one of the desk drawers and placed a tablet in front of me. It was identical to both his and the woman from the study’s.

“The Galvin Institute will provide you with this tablet for the duration of the study. Every night at 6pm it will notify you to answer three simple questions. You will then have an hour to answer them. Once your answers are submitted, $900 will be directly deposited into your bank account.”

He looked at me over his wire frames. “Do you accept?”

My heart thudded in my chest. “What happens if I answer incorrectly?”

He smiled again. “The questions are subjective, so there is no wrong answer.”

I bit my lip, looking down at the desktop in front of me. There must be a catch. There’s always a catch. Hesitant to accept his insane offer without some sort of probing, I looked back up. “Can I opt out at any time?”

His smile faltered for a moment before he continued. “Of course, but you will forfeit all payment up to that point.”

I picked up the tablet and examined it. On the back was a subtle green logo with the initials “GI” in a pyramid.

Dr. Howden continued. “The focus of this study is appreciation and gratitude. The questions are designed to encourage self reflection.”

I nodded, “sounds easy.”

“It is!” He said, turning his own tablet towards me to reveal an electronic contract. He held out a thin stylus. “Oh, and please note that your tablet is programmed to only ask the questions and cannot be used for any other purpose.”

The drag of the stylus was smooth and frictionless as I signed my name.

“Thank you, Ms. Cartland. We look forward to working with you here at the Galvin Institute.”

“This has to be a scam.” Robert said, his beer hovering in front of his mouth as he eyed the tablet resting on the table beside us. We had both tried playing with it, but the screen would only illuminate to show a timer counting down to 6pm. No games, no other screens.

I shrugged. “The building was super nice and it all seemed on the up and up. I doubt they’re going to try and use my information to drain my bank account or something. Besides,” I rested my hand on his, “it’s for the wedding.”

He sighed. “You know, you’ve got to stop pushing that.”

I stuck my tongue out at him teasingly.

A loud electric jingle made me jump. The screen of the tablet was now bright white. Black font was neatly written across at the top.

I picked it up as Robert stood to look over my shoulder. On the screen was a question:

What was something bad that happened to you today?

Other than applying for the study my day had been pretty uneventful. I clicked my tongue thoughtfully before answering.

Nothing.

A circle appeared at the bottom right corner that read “submit.” I pressed it and the second question appeared:

What was something good that happened to you today?

I smiled.

Dinner with my boyfriend.

Robert kissed my head as I hit submit.

On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the least, how appreciative are you of what you have?

The numbers 1 through 10 were beneath in small circles. I felt Robert’s warmth beside me and pressed “9.”

The tablet made a small chime as the words “Thank you!” jumped on screen. Little bits of blue and yellow confetti fell around it before the screen went black again.

My blood vibrated hot beneath my skin as I excitedly logged into my bank’s mobile app. My checking account was, indeed, two grand larger.

“Not a bad day’s work.” Robert said as he returned to his seat.

I woke up the next morning to the shrill sound of my phone ringing. I looked at the clock. 9:31am.

“Ugh, fuck you!” I groaned at the ceiling. I closed my eyes tightly before opening them again, my room slowly focusing around me. Without looking I reached over and yanked it from it’s charger. My phone’s screen was filled with the smiling face of Meredith. I groaned again as I answered.

“Dude, it’s Saturday. What...” A high pitched squeal interrupted me.

“Random House bought my book!!!”

I sat bolt upright. “Sorry, what?”

“Random House, Laurie. Fucking Random House!!”

The meaning of her words slowly dawned on me through the cloud of sleep.

“Random House the publisher bought your book?” I asked, incredulous.

“Yes!! Ah, we need to get coffee NOW!”

Thirty minutes later I sipped my latte while Meredith regaled me with the story.

“I thought it was really weird when they scheduled a meeting first thing Saturday morning, but you know? It’s Random House, so I couldn’t say no! Apparently one of their agents saw some of the chapters I published online and fell in love!! They’re offering me a $20,000 advance!”

I choked on the warm liquid running down my throat.

“I know, right!?” Meredith squealed.

“Twenty grand!?” The words came from my mouth violently as I tried to regain control of my breath. “Twenty grand for your first novel!?”

Meredith nodded, beaming.

“It’s not even done!”

“Oh, I know! I know! But you know what, I think this is really going to help motivate me to finish! My skin is tingling with creative juices!”

Your skin is tingling with $20,000. I bit back my tongue and gave her a weak smile.

“Congratulations Meredith. That’s awesome.”

Meredith and I met in college. We were both wannabe novelists, both women, both freshmen, and both living in Andrews Hall. We didn’t become friends because we connected artistically, we became friends because it was easy.

While I had thrived in school, Meredith had coasted. She graduated because she went to most of her classes and turned in most of her homework. Like our friendship, she succeeded because she didn’t fail.

After graduation I got a job in publishing as a lowly editorial assistant. I was paid the bare minimum to review encyclopedias written by retired middle school teachers. It sucked but it was a job. Without it, I’d be homeless.

Meredith was a trust fund kid. I was not.

I made a point of working on my novel for at least three hours every week. I was 60,000 words deep into a dramatic look at the repression of women in the early 19th century through the eyes of Charlotte, a lowly chambermaid working for a handsome but distant oil tycoon. Meredith, on the other hand, would write a few pages when the mood struck. Since graduating, we met monthly to discuss our progress and keep each other motivated, but more often than not the night would devolve into expensive drinks at bars filled with men with shirts inexplicably half unbuttoned. And while I woke up regretting all my decisions and trying not to vomit in my cubicle trash can, she’d remain untouched. She’d wake up at noon to order pizza and watch a marathon of shitty reality shows about overly dramatic rich people who also didn’t have any responsibilities.

Meredith’s novel, smartly titled A Rabbit Disturbed, was about an evil toy bunny that traumatizes a young boy. Imagine if Stephenie Meyer wrote a novel adaptation of The Velveteen Rabbit after watching the entire Chucky canon while on acid. Oh, and Miss Meyer also doesn’t know what a rabbit is.

The three chapters I read, the only three Meredith had bothered to write, were so bad that my main criticism was towards our college for giving her a degree in creative writing.

But maybe I was being pretentious. Maybe I just didn't understand Meredith's genius. I took another swallow of my latte as she planned out the evening’s celebratory activities as if planning a bachelorette party.

I was in a bar bathroom when the tablet chimed. I steadied myself against the sink before pulling it from my bag.

What was something bad that happened to you today?

It was early but my mind was already drenched in vodka. I definitely wasn’t happy. I had thought drinking would make me feel more euphoric, would let me get caught up in Meredith’s excitement, but instead I felt ineffectual and ignored. I thought of my novel and the stupid melodramatic character that I had poured all my creativity into for the past two years. I was miserable. Frustrated and defeated.

But what was I going to write? That one of my oldest friends had succeeded?

If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. With my bare fingertip I rubbed my answer against the screen.

Nothing.

What was something good that happened to you today?

I gritted my teeth.

Nothing.

On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the least, how appreciative are you of what you have?

I pressed “3” without much thought and dropped the tablet back into my bag as the bright “Thank you!” lit up the screen.

I woke up Sunday with a pounding headache. I looked at my phone to see several Facebook and Instagram notifications. All likes and comments on the many celebratory photos I was tagged in, all congratulating Meredith. I let my phone fall from my hand as I turned over, allowing myself to sleep in.

The chime of the Galvin Institute tablet rang out as I sat on my couch mindlessly watching tv.

What was something bad that happened to you today?

It was an innocent question. At least, it seemed innocent. And yet I felt a pang of frustration. Meredith was still riding the high of the best day of her life while I sat there very consciously not working on my novel. Robert was busy with his family all night, leaving me alone to wallow in my self-pity.

I wrote “hangover” before clicking submit.

What was something good that happened to you today?

I lifted the stylus, preparing to write “nothing,” but stopped short. This was a study of gratitude and here I was with absolutely none. I thought of Dr. Howden reading my responses. Judging them.

I got to sleep in.

On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the least, how appreciative are you of what you have?

I pushed thoughts of Meredith out of my head as I surveyed my apartment. It was small and sparsely furnished, but the walls were lined with well read novels. I hugged my soft throw and took a sip of my tea, letting the worth flood down into my stomach. Ignoring the split second of burning at the back of my throat that told me it was still too hot to drink that fast. Feeling as if I had thoroughly experienced a moment of mindful appreciation, I pressed the tip of the stylus against the 7 with a sense of accomplishment. I was rising above my disappointment and struggle.

Dr. Howden would be proud.

My phone vibrated and I was surprised to see a text message from Robert’s mother.

Hi Laurie! Happy early birthday! Are you and Robbie free next weekend to come over for a birthday dinner?

I scrunched my eyebrows together. That’s odd. I guess Robert already went home.

Curious, I called him. He answered on the fourth ring.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Oh hey, is this a good time?”

“Sorry babe, I’m still at my parents. Can I call you back afterwards?”

Icy fingers clasped around my heart. I swallowed.

“Oh, sure. Um, do you want to come spend the night when you’re done? I miss you.”

There was a pause before he continued. “Sorry, Laurie. I can’t tonight. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

The next morning I lay in bed feeling empty, worthless, and defeated.

I stared at my ceiling, trying to rationalize staying in the comfort and safety of my bed. What would happen if I just don’t go to work? I’m so unimportant. Would anyone even notice?

It was bagel Monday though. And I did like bagels.

Three hours later I sat at my desk regretting my decision. One of the other editorial assistants had called out sick and I was getting the brunt of my boss’ post-weekend wrath.

How fucking ironic, I thought as I scrolled past unread email after unread email. One email was three paragraphs of all caps red text berating me for the misspelling of Juan Ponce de León in an entry that was written and published five years before I was hired. I took a bite of my free bagel as I kept scrolling.

At lunch, Erica and I went to our favorite burger joint. Erica was an editor and close friend whose long blonde hair and curvy figure made her the center of attention more often than not. And she knew it. She could be narcissistic at times, but she could also be really sweet and what I needed that day was fried food and a friendly ear.

Her eyes lit up and she leaned in conspiratorially. “Maybe he’s ring shopping.” She whispered, raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow.

I brought a french fry to my lips. I hadn’t thought of that. I put the fry back down on the plate untouched.

“You really think so?” I asked, butterflies fluttering low in my stomach.

She winked before taking a bite of her burger.

Returning to my cubicle, my high spirits were immediately dashed by an unread email marked important. The subject line was empty and only two words were written, all lowercase, in the body of the email: see me.

Harold Bradford sat behind his desk, the glow of his computer illuminating his glasses. He was a chubby man in his late fifties with wiry grey hair that wrapped around his head, leaving a round dome of perfectly hairless scalp in the middle.

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Yes, please sit down Ms. Cartland.” He said, his eyes never leaving the screen. “This will only take a minute.”

I sat down as he continued to tap at his keyboard. I pulled the hem of my skirt mindlessly as my eyes scanned the shelves of books behind him.

Finally, he looked up.

“Ms. Cartland, I asked you here to discuss your recent work performance.”

My stomach sank.

“Your work has been…” He tilted his head back, eyeing me through his thin spectacles. “Slipping.”

A heavy silence fell between us.

“I-I-I’m sorry, Mr. Bradford.” I stammered.

“You seem to think this job is... beneath you.” He sniffed. “And while your BFA from Dartmouth is quite impressive, your work here lately is not.”

“I understand.” I nodded, cringing at the waiver in my voice.  “I promise to work harder in the future.”

“There is no future, Ms. Cartland.”

I stared at him, mouth agape.

He turned back towards his computer, “Mrs. Littleton will explain your severance package.”

My body and mind was numb as I left his office.

The warm water lapped at my skin as I sat in the bathtub. A glass of white wine stood at the side of the tub, the half empty bottle on the floor. Robert had suggested that I could use this time to work on my novel, but I knew that was misguided. I needed to immediately focus all my attention on finding a job. Once that severance ran out, I wouldn’t be able to pay my rent, let along my bills or student loans. Oh sure, there’s forbearance but that’s just an ugly band aid. The interest would gather like bacteria in an infection, following me for the rest of my life.

The smell of Robert’s spaghetti and meatballs permeated the steam of the bathroom and I felt comforted slightly.

What was something bad that happened to you today?

I was fired.

What was something good that happened to you today?

I brought the stylus down, thinking I’d write something like, “my soon-to-be fiance was there for me,” but I hesitated. I thought of the phone call last night. The uneasy feeling that came with it.

Instead I wrote, “Bagel Monday.”

On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the least, how appreciative are you of what you have?

“Babe!”

The sound shook me and I jumped, cold water splashing around me.

“Babe, wake up!” I squinted to see Robert looking down at me.

“What happened?” I sat up and looked around. The wine glass had fallen from the tub, shattering on the tile floor.

“It’s okay, stay there.”

He left and I stood, grabbing my towel from the door and wrapping it around my shivering body. I must’ve been dreaming.

“What time is it?” I asked the empty room.

“Almost seven. You’ve been in there for almost two hours.”

Panic rose like an electric shot through my spine.  

“The tablet! Where’s the tablet!” I cried, jumping out of the bath. Glass cut into the bottom of my foot. “Ow, fuck!” I cried.

Robert appeared in the doorway holding a broom. “Laurie, stop! What are you doing?”

“The survey! The survey!” I pushed him out of the way, limping into the living room. “Where is it? Where’s my bag?”

Robert grabbed my arm. “Laurie you’re injured, stop!”

“$900!” I desperately pulled myself from his grasp, falling painfully to my knees. “$900!”

The alarm rang distantly from where my bag lay forgotten by the front door. I crawled towards it, shaking with sobs. I could hear Robert talking to me as I reached it, but his words were muffled and inconsequential. As I opened my bag my hands felt bloated and numb, as if I were wearing gloves. My fingers clasped around the hard familiar plastic and I pulled the tablet out.

4 seconds remained on the timer. Tears flooded my eyes as I poked desperately at the screen but it wouldn’t respond to my waterlogged touch.

“No, no, no.” The black digits counted down to 1 before dissolved into nothing.

A wave of despair crashed over me as I watched the numbers appear once again. 23:59:03. The seconds ticked down. Tiny insults adding to the bloody mess of my ego.

The next thing I remember was waking up late in the afternoon. My body was sore, my head foggy. A sharp pain radiated from my left foot and I wanted to cry, but there were no more tears.

There was a buzzing coming from my nightstand. I picked up my phone to see a new text message alert.

Hey babe

I stared at the words in confusion. Behind me I could hear the shower running. Robert hadn’t left. I saw the name at the top of the screen. “Erica.”

That’s odd. I opened the app to a chat I didn’t recognize. Messages I didn’t remember sending or receiving. I scrolled up to an image. It was a selfie of Erica, but she was wearing lingerie.

Realization hit like a cement brick. The phone in my hand wasn’t mine.

The shower stopped. My breaths grew short and ragged, catching in my throat in sharp gasps.

“Babe, are you okay?”

A shadow filled the door and approached me as my vision turned red.

I awoke on a hard, cold surface. I tried to move but my body screamed in pain. A bright light hurt my eyes as I slowly blinked them open. The room was grey and dingy. I sat up stiffly and looked in front of me at a wall of metal bars.

My head buzzed with questions, my eyes wide and seeing, no longer blinded or discomforted by the sudden light. Above me stood a police woman.

“Glad to see you finally awake, Ms. Cartland.”

“Wh-what happened? Where am I?” I tried to recall recent memories. The bath. My foot. Erica. Robert.

“We got a call about a domestic disturbance at your residence. You were found standing over your boyfriend's body, a pair of bloody scissors…”

The cop continued but the sound was eclipsed by a sharp ringing noise in my head. My brain buzzed with shock as I sat back against a wall, bringing my knees to my chest. The room began to spin and it felt like I was falling into the buzzing. Into the void of complete and utter surrender.

An electronic alarm echoed off the cement walls, shrill enough, and familiar enough, to burrow into my numb thoughts.

“It’s 6 o’clock, Ms. Cartland.”

I looked up to see the cop holding out the Galvin Institute’s tablet through the bars of the cell. I stared at it, uncomprehending.

“It’s time to take the survey.”

“What?” I looked at the cop, tears I didn’t think could exist forming at the corners of my eyes.

The cop cleared her throat and dropped her arm, the tablet hanging uselessly beside her.

“What was something bad that happened to you today?”

I looked at her with confusion and pain.

“What was something good that happened to you today?” The cop’s voice was flat and stiff. Robotic.

A sob broke out of my mouth violently. I clutched my hands to my ears, desperately trying to block out her voice.

“On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the least, how appreciative are you of what you have?”

I opened my mouth, a scream pouring from my throat like vomit, filling the small room.

Reality snapped around me, as if a door opened in a vacuum. The world sucked past my body as I ascended painfully to the heavens.

My eyes were assaulted once again with a bright light, but this light was softer. Cleaner. Nicer. I was in a white room, a simple desk in front of me. Behind it sat Dr. Howden.

“Thank you, Ms. Cartland, for your participation in the study.” The corners of his eyes wrinkled with a warm smile.

My breaths came to me in gasps. I looked around at the innocuous room. It was just like it had been days before.

“I… I don’t understand.”

Dr. Howden gave me a tight smile. “Only a few hours have passed since you completed your survey. You have been under electronic hypnosis. Since signing the contract none of your actions, or the actions of your loved ones, actually occurred. It was all…” he twirled his finger, “in your head. I gave you a slight sedative before you awoke to help the transition along. You should be feeling more…” He smiled, “relaxed soon.”

I nodded dumbly. The numbness weighing my body down was no longer raw and uncomfortable but calming.

“Now,” he said, sliding a tablet across the desk. “If you’d please sign these release forms, you can be on your way.”

My hand shook slightly as I reached out and drew a simple line across the center of the page.

“Very good. You may now be excused. Your designated contact is waiting in the lobby.”

I stood uncertainty and began to leave the room before he added, “oh and as I explained before, since you opted out prematurely you forfeit all reimbursement.”

My stomach tightened as I saw Robert. His face set in bored concentration as he scrolled through his phone. Feeling my stare, he looked up and smiled warmly. “Babe!” He stood and walked towards me, arms outstretched. “How did it go?”

I clenched my jaw as he brought me to his chest, his body pressed against mine. My skin grew hot with anger and my stomach turned with disgust, but the tranquilizer slowly quelled my hatred.

He hadn’t really cheated on me, had he?

Robert took me home and made me spaghetti, just like he had last night. Except last night never happened.

The next day was a normal Saturday. I had coffee with Meredith as she told me about a new guy she met. On Sunday I had dinner with Robert and his parents. Monday I nodded at Mr. Bradford’s requests and listened to Erica complain about her yearly review. Friday Robert took me out for my birthday and proposed.

My life is meaningless now. Trivial and petty. These people I once loved no longer feel real. Their lives are stupid and useless, filled with made up milestones to give the illusion that life is moving forward. That they are making progress.

I could no longer pretend to enjoy it, so I left. I don’t have a destination, but instead I’m letting my short life roll over me like the waves of an ocean. Massive and unknowable. It doesn’t matter where I am or where I end up. It’s all so permeable. All so temporary. Why bother clinging to something when it’s not really yours to begin with. And yet the questions still run through my mind.

What was something bad that happened to you today?

Nothing. Nothing bad happens anymore. Nothing happens anymore. Life passes. I exist. I question reality and then find I’m too tired to care.

What was something good that happened to you today?

Nothing. Objectively, nothing good has ever happened to me. It’s all a farce. Life is just a series of signals that our mind misinterprets as something organized and purposeful. And yet we run forward with abandonment, counting the seconds until there are no seconds left to count.

Tonight I’ve found myself somewhere in Pennsylvania. The red numbers of the clock illuminated 6:00.

The sky is a beautiful amber above the mountain tops.

On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the least, how appreciative are you of what you have?

No longer applicable.

[fucklawschool]

Habitica ideas for students

I’ve been using Habitica for a while now and I love it. The reason I love it so much is that I can use it to track pretty much everything, even apart from the normal productivity stuff, if I’m a little creative. 

As for setting all of this up, I highly recommend doing that on desktop. The mobile app is great for on the go but I wouldn’t recommend it for putting an entire new system in place (maybe that’s just me, though).

So here are some maybe a little more unconventional ideas for Habitica usage: 

HABITS

My habits are mostly positive with few exceptions because it’s much easier to reward yourself for doing something than to punish yourself for not doing something, in my opinion. Plus, I feel like it works out, too, because after all, you do usually want to feed your pets or buy equipment or buy quests.

Water tracker: Drinking water is important, yo. The way I go about this is I have a positive habit called “1l of water” and I just hit the + for every liter I drink. I’ve set it to reset daily so I can see at how many liters I roughly am at for the day. If you struggle with drinking water more, you can also just put “drink a glass of water” and set the difficulty to hard instead of easy, as I have it set because at this point I’m pretty used to drinking a shit ton of water, I just like to keep an overview in case I’m busy and forget. That’s the beauty of Habitica vs other apps, you can modify it to your needs! 

Meet friends: This one I have set to reset every week so that I can see at a glance whether I’m having a social life. Having “high density” fun (as Thomas Frank frequently puts it) is crucial to my mental health, yet I tend to do it too little especially when I’m stressed and instead sit there on my phone wondering where the hours went and feeling generally very blah. I only have this as a positive habit because I don’t want to and need to force myself to do something with friends every single day (what’s up fellow introverts), but I’m aiming for at least once a week of my own accord, so not counting when I see them in a uni context or at fixed activities. I have this set on hard to motivate myself to actually do it, too, since I have to leave the house to fulfill it.

Color: As you may have noticed (X, X) coloring is a bit of a hobby of mine so the habit isn’t really necessary right now while I’m still technically on break and have more time to do it, but I like to keep it in there anyway. I usually color while listening to podcasts because that goes hand in hand, and many podcasts I listen to are also somewhat educational (hmu with your favorites, I’d love to discover some new ones!) while still expanding my horizons beyond what I learn at uni. This one I have set to medium, because while it is a hobby that I like to do, there’s definitely some resistance because you have to be very focused and can’t really do other stuff except listen to podcasts simultaneously. Coloring is very therapeutic to me, and I’m not an artsy person, so maybe give it a shot! You can also replace coloring with any artistic habit, obviously.

Read or listen to podcast instead of watching TV: I love doing both of these things yet they start to get infinitely harder when you’re at uni and running around town trying to stay alive during the semester. Reading especially is very beneficial to my mental health and I love doing it, but it’s just so much harder to pick up a book than to hit play on Netflix. I should probably split these two habits up now that I think about it, because I do tend to read much less than I listen to podcasts. Either way, the difficulty setting here is hard with a daily reset although it doesn’t really matter that much as both daily and weekly resets are equally suited for the purpose in my opinion. 

One book per week: Ah yes, my reading goal. I am terrible at reading slowly and steadily during the year which leads me to binge read on vacation. Now, while I love doing that and I don’t perceive it as a stressful, I would prefer to also read during the year. This habit is set to hard with a weekly reset, and it is both a positive and a negative (which means I probably have to hit the - today, siiiiigh). 

Work out: During the school year, I weirdly don’t struggle with working out a lot because I see it as a study break and I’m one of those people who actually looks forward to working out and hitting some goals. This one also has a weekly reset, hard difficulty and is both a positive and a negative habit, however, I only hit the - when I was supposed to work out and didn’t. This is partly the reason why I don’t want my workout as a daily, I don’t like having fixed days because sometimes you gotta move your schedule around a bit and I simply aim to work out 4-5 times a week. I’m looking into starting an exercise class for swimming next semester, though, so if I do join that one, I will absolutely make it a daily. 

Meal not eaten at desk: Kind of a weird one. I started developing this terrible habit of constantly doing everything at my desk last year, especially eating. Now, if you don’t have a ton of space and roommates, it makes sense for your desk to be basically where you spend your entire day, but I want my desk to be as much of a work only, no play space as it can be, even with limited space, and eating at it is a very bad idea to keep that mental separation in place. Also, I want to be focus on what I’m eating as much as possible and not do five things simultaneously. So, in order to motivate myself to eat my food at the dining room table, I’ve made this a simply positive habit with a medium difficulty and a daily reset as I usually eat three meals a day.

Cook: If you follow me, you probably already know I’m a big proponent of home-cooked meals. But cooking is time consuming, exhausting and hard sometimes when all you want after a long day at uni is some sushi. I aim to cook at a proper meal at least two or three times a week and try to avoid takeout as much as possible. To motivate me, I have this as a positive habit, at a hard difficulty and a weekly reset. 

Go to bed before midnight: I struggle with this. A lot. However, I do need my sleep - when I don’t sleep at least seven hours, I’m unfocused, cranky and tired. Plus, it’s really bad for athletic recovery. Getting to bed before midnight at least ensures I’ll be getting seven hours (since I try to get up at 7:00), ideally I’d get eight or nine, but I’m trying to stay realistic here. I have this as a positive habit with a weekly reset and at a hard difficulty. I don’t see the point in making it a daily because I know I won’t do it (I could, however, maybe make “get to bed before 1:00 a daily, to get brownie points for getting to bed even earlier than I needed to, I might yet do that).

EDIT: It’s been brought to my attention by the lovely @gold-n-mind​ that mobile doesn’t show the counter, something I didn’t really think of because I only use Habitica of my phone when I can’t avoid it but mostly use it on desktop. You can still set up everything how I mention it, but you will have to check the count on desktop, as of right now there doesn’t seem to be another way for mobile users. For potential mobile only users, this is what I’m referring to:

DAILIES

These, just like the habits, will be very personal. My dailies tend to change a lot because when I’m back home at my parent’s I don’t really need cleaning dailies for example. But here are some ideas nevertheless:

Get up within 15 minutes of waking up: I suck at this. I tend to waste away time in my bed, staying on my phone for 30 minutes before I even think about getting up. But a quick jumpstart to my day is extremely beneficial for my productivity, so I’m trying to work on it. This is due every day since lounging about in bed makes me tired and cranky and consumes time I could be using to eat breakfast while watching youtube.

Morning skincare/evening skincare: Pretty self-explanatory. Due every day.

Open window: Due every day. I try to always open my window before I start studying, as I don’t really leave it open over night and fresh air is obviously very helpful for da brain. Also, the cold air tends to help me wake up. 

Make bed: I never used to do this. But then I read “Unfuck your habitat” and I saw the merit in starting your day on a positive, structured note while making your room seem more tidy. Also, these easy dailies give me something to check off before getting started on my harder to dos, which is a concept known as momentum. Due every day.

Do a 20/10 of cleaning somewhere: Another lesson from UFYH. It means you do 20 minutes of tidying somewhere, then take a 10 minute break. I have found I rarely really need more than 20 minutes, and you can easily integrate one 20/10 somewhere in your daily schedule. It’s not fun, but constantly chipping away at messes means you don’t have to do huge binge-cleans. Due every day, but usually not needed every day.

Take out trash if needed: Tasks like these (this one is exemplary because I have a lot of these when I’m in my apartment during the semester) are great because they get you check if you have to do something every day and if they’re due, you do them right away since you’re already there checking! If they’re not due, you can easily check something off your dailies without actually doing work. Of course, the difficulty setting on these is usually trivial, but taking out the trash is a very trivial task, you just tend to put if off forever. Other ideas for this are put on laundry, check the mail, etc.

Week review/weekly planning: This is due every Sunday. I suck at following through and do need to get better at it, but actually looking at your week in advance and knowing what’s gonna happen when as well as getting into the mindset for Monday does help. 

Study dailies: These will vary wildly depending on what kind of study system and schedule you have! I have a general study daily with a checklist that says “x pages” and “flashcards”. I also now have a separate flashcard daily with a checklist for every set of flashcards I’m trying to get done. Like I said, it will vary - for some of you having a daily with a certain goal of pomodoros may work (I don’t really utilize the pomodoro method a lot, though), some of you just need a push so “study for 30 minutes” may be enough to set you on a productive course. I change up my study dailies most frequently of all of them because they change a lot depending on what subject I’m focusing on, but most of the time I’ll only have them due during the week, sometimes also on Saturdays. 

Go to class: I don’t really struggle with this because I literally cannot skip more often than once or they fail me, but why not reward yourself for leaving your comfy flat and braving the real world? These are also easy to set up because classes generally take place on a weekly basis, just set them as due on the weekday when the class is, and if you don’t struggle with going to class like me, you can always set the difficulty to trivial.

TO DOS

I won’t really go in depth on the to dos, because I feel like they’re pretty self-explanatory. I will explain a couple, but apart from that it’s pretty personal and whatever you have going on, just throw it on there. 

Grocery list: This is the only more “unconventional” use I have for to dos. I like to make one to do that says “grocery shop” and then put everything I need as a separate sub-point. This works really well and I like to do it this way mainly so I don’t have my shit spread out over five list apps. The only drawback is that you can’t share that list with friends (unless you shell out €€ and get a group plan), so if you have a joint shopping list with a roommate, you might not be able to use this.

University readings: I like to make huge tasks of my required reading with tons of sub-points so that the reward is proportional to the pain (lol). The drawback to this method is that you don’t get the instant gratification of being able to check off a task at the end of the day, but I use dailies to work like this so my to dos are kind of a more long-term overview of where I want to be by what date. You can be as detailed with this as you want, but I just kind of use the big chapter headings. You could also divide it by pages, though. Whatever floats your boat.

[fromtheground39-blog]

The All-ROG Gaming PC!

Recently we checked out the three cheapest 144 Hertz gaming monitors that we could get on amazon.com and we were pretty impressed well mostly, except for one common problem that they all had they're all running out by modern standards, lower 1920 by 1080 resolution. So today we've got something new for you guys. We'Ve actually never covered a product from AOC before, but this the CQ 27 G 127 stood out to us for a number of reasons, one its 144 Hertz, which means theoretically, it should be great for gaming too. It'S running at 2560 by 1440 resolution 3. It'S got a V a rather than a TN panel and four it comes in at just 280 US dollars. We couldn't find anything else that has this feature set at this price point. So we've got high expectations and hopefully they don't disappoint us instantly, see your current and past network activity detect malware and block badly behaving apps on your PC or Android device with glassware use, offer code Lynas to get 25 % off glass wire at the link routerhosting in The video description, [ Music ] - I'm actually pretty excited about this, because we've had a ton of requests to cover AOC in the past, but the main reason that we haven't done it is that ever since the CRT days, their presence in North America has been fairly Limited so I've been aware that they're kind of a big deal over in Europe - and I believe Asia, but over here they've, had basically very little availability and certainly no marketing. So I don't really know what to expect, because even from other media outlets, I haven't like read a ton of reviews of their products or anything like that. First, impressions of the stand are pretty good. It'S got a nice metal base under fairly tastefully if a touch gamer II top to list assembly is always a nice touch. Honestly, I got ta, say initial impressions, pretty positive, so far height adjustable stand. I mean to be clear. This is not like a 140 dollar gaming monitor or anything like the ones we looked at last time, but considering how much higher their costs would be to get this better panel technology, it's a larger display. Ah, I am I'm pretty pleased so far with the overall fit and finish now. I can't say that this is a perfect job that they've done of the the plastic housing here. You can actually see some of the tape that they've used. To probably put the see this unit in the back here that houses, the power supply and the scaler you know, and all that stuff you can see some of the tape that used to it like tape it on, but in terms of the like. The overall feel of it it doesn't feel cheap, it doesn't feel crappy and we've got a reasonably fun, exceptional i/o. So there's no built-in USB hub, but you've got dual HDMI ports, DisplayPort a headphone, jack and power supply built into the monitor, rather than as an external brick, which some people care about. It'S not a huge deal for me, but it is considered a a better feature. All right, the two lessness continues here and we're just gonna peel. This off bezels are looking pretty slim actually, and this is nice, not just power, cable included, but also DisplayPort and HDMI. So in terms of adjustability, we've got your tilt. We'Ve got your swivel no pivot, but we do have height adjust. I still remember when that used to be like site a super premium feature. Now, it's only really cheap stuff that it's not included on. It'S really. Nice makes a big difference immediately. The deep blacks on this monitor are quite noticeable compared to if we were looking at like an entry-level, IPS or especially a TN like, as this wallpaper fades off towards the edges. It'S it's quite dark, not bad. At all. All right, 144 Hertz fuckin showed up just fine there, yes, and because this is a variable refresh rate monitor. That means that, even if it is not certified g-sync compatible, we can enable G sync, and it is in fact enabled right now. So without further ado, I don't fire up. Some games now feels like a good time to have a look at the on-screen menu. Everything here is reasonably intuitive. Personally, I prefer just an instant switch rather than animation. I can see how they might do that right frame. What even am I looking at here? Can you see anything? Let'S see? Oh, what the crap? Oh, what it just brightens the top corner of the screen. So it's like a faded out washed out section in the top-left corner, so there you can change the brightness contrast. You can move the position of it around. Actually you can put it wherever you want guys. Let me know in the comments. What is this feature for? I would love to know. I thought that was interesting. Game mode is off by default. Oh that's! The FPS mode! That looks terrible, okay hold on a second, let's get, let's get our settings adjusted here I have to say I have just never understood these weird color profiles that they create for particular genres of games. The correct color profile is the accurate color profile, because that's the way that the developer intended it quite frankly at least they've got customizable ones. So you can have gamer one gamer, two gamer three, and then you can just things that might actually be meaningful, like whether you want the low blue light mode on. So you have like nighttime gaming mode, whether you want the built in frame counter on. That'S pretty nice to have so their gamer display modes are not necessarily useless. Just the canned ones are stupid. Okay, overdrive can be adjusted to weak, medium or strong. Medium is usually the best bet there, but we'll play around with that. A little bit and low input lag we will leave on. I will say that there's no discernable increase in input lag compared to what I'd expect from a 144. It'S gaming monitor, so that's nice to see really responsive. I touch on the smeary side, so these are not the fastest pixels that I've ever seen by a long shot. If you pick up a like a decent TN gaming monitor - or you know, even one of those really high-end IPS - is that LG released recently you're gonna see better readability of things like text as you're as you're. Moving around like this, you see that everything's got kind of a trail behind it, but for a VA panel. I would consider this perfectly reasonable and acceptable. Now. One thing that's hard for me to tell right now, because I'm playing kind of a dark and gloomy game is whether this gets any brighter. So what I'd like to do is get rid of doom, let's switch to something like csgo and see. If my impressions here are correct, cuz, it seems like our maximum brightness, I mean even just opening up something. Like you know, our own website here by the way tech tip song is awesome forum. You guys should go check it out. This is supposed to be pretty much white white and it's kind of a gray and not like we're at a very, very low brightness. Even actually, the brightness is cranked 100 % already actually before we do that. I wanted to play around with the overdrive settings. A little bit off is clearly terrible, like you guys, I'm sure you can see these comet trails behind icons, as I'm dragging this around on the desktop here, but as usual, strong also yields a really kind of over sharpened, visual artifact e-type look and our best bet Does once again appear to be medium overdrive in fairness. White to dark is a very challenging scenario, so let's actually get that game fired up now. So this is a little bit more fair, and it's not great and coming out here into the the daytime. Arabic, freaking Sun here I've been informed from off camera. This is a 215 it peak brightness display and I believe it because, while the blacks are deep - and that was impressive - it's a lot less impressive to have deep blacks. When your monitor is just dark. I mean maybe this would be the monitor for you if you're trying to game at night and be stealthy and while you're at it, you could grab a hoodie like the one, I'm wearing it's the LTTE, stealth hoodie LTT surakameth. Now, to give credit to the strength of this monitor, the 1440p resolution does look a lot clearer than what we were dealing with with those 1080p monitors, but something that you guys have got to consider is that there is more to perceived sharpness of an image than Just the number of pixels and contrast is actually a big part of what makes an image look, clear and sharp and crisp so yeah. The lines are fine, but the image doesn't look great, so it just feels like the monitors a little self-defeating, because it's key feature is that it manages 144 Hertz and higher resolution, but it gives up so much contrast that you a lot of the perceived image, quality And that's not a problem just for like scenic games, it's it's a problem in general like it's noticeably bland. This is a bland looking game in the first place, but it's really bland. Like. Can you tell on camera how bland this is new it nope hold on? I think what we need to do is grab another monitor and swap it out for you guys so David hold, as still as you can, or even put the camera on sticks, but the camera on sticks. Now this monitor costs about twice as much, and actually you might have noticed that, especially in terms of brightness, it looks pretty similar except funny story. This is actually the monitor that we use for b-roll shots, so it has its brightness turned down to 20 out of a hundred in order to make it appear not too bright for certain shots that we do so putting it up at something more reasonable, like around 80 Wow - that is a really really different experience back to our AOC. The difference is very clear and I'm just gonna double-check. Yes, we are at a hundred percent brightness. On this thing, that's a little unfortunate. This looks a little bit more palatable official site right. I think that's why all the gamer modes have this game. Color option turned up because it might hurt the accuracy of your color, but it'll certainly make your games as long as you don't go too far like their fps and their RTS modes. It'Ll certainly make your game look a little bit more vibrant. You can see I've overdone it a little bit here. So I'd probably say that if it's purely for gaming use, knowing that you're giving up some of the color accuracy that you might have gotten in the native profile, going to a game color of somewhere in the 11 to 13 range, improves the playability a lot like It makes it not look like I'm looking at a super cheap. You know washed out, monitor and what's interesting, you saw how that flashbang wasn't even bright. What'S interesting is part of the reason, for that is that the way that humans perceive brightness is affected by the saturation of the color, so looking at a more saturated color makes you think that your looking at something brighter, even though the panel itself is not particularly Bright and if we were to alt-tab out of the game, you can see things like my icons look way overdone here. So this is a monitor that you're definitely giving something up at the price point. But if you're willing to fidget around with your on screen menu, which to their credit, is quite usable, actually has workarounds that work if you're willing to go around them so bringing our 8020 7qd back up on the table. This is a clearly better display. It looks great not only in games when you adjust this dial or on the desktop if you adjust it the other way, but in both all the time, thanks to its 10 bit IPS panel and it's much higher brightness. But if you think find here about it as paying yourself, two hundred and fifty dollars to adjust a knob every once in a while, I still think there's a very compelling value argument to be made for a OCS display here. Even if it does give up some of the creature comforts that you might get with a higher-end panel, so guys, let us know, does this look like a great option or do you want us to explore some of the other 1440p 144 Hertz monitors on the market? They are a bit more expensive, but there's options from vo-tech Roxul dell has one that's fair, bit more expensive and make sure you're subscribed. So you don't miss it. If you do leave a comment about that, do you need to create a beautiful website without the hassle we'll check out Squarespace their all-in-one platform makes it easy to get up and running quickly, and there are word winning templates can be used as a starting point for A wide variety of projects, if you're having trouble Squarespace, they offer webinars a full series of help guides and you can even contact their customer support via live chat and email 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If you already have a third-party domain, you don't have to give it up. Just transfer it over to Squarespace and every Squarespace site includes ecommerce features. So you can easily sell merch or services online and manage your inventory and orders so go to Squarespace, comm /l tt. To get 10 % off your first purchase we're gonna have that linked below. So thanks for watching guys - and we will see you in our next budget - monitor video - which I guess we're kind of coming now - hey budget OLED. But you know that we've done all the we'll find something

[nahoo883]

The Rodecaster Pro is a perfect centerpiece to a home podcasting studio

My podcasting rig is simple: Two microphones, a Tascam recorder, two XLR cables. I’ve upgraded things a bit in the past year — improved the mics, bought some foam windscreens and bought a pair of tabletop, foldable mic stands. But the principle is the same: take nothing I can’t fit into a laptop sleeve.

It’s served me pretty well in the five years I’ve been doing my show. While friends were building soundproof posting studios in their homes, I went with a rig I could take with me. It’s a lot easier to ask someone to be on your show if you’re able to go to them.

Here’s a picture I took of comedian Hannibal Buress after recording an upcoming episode in my hotel room in Lagos, Nigeria. That’s my setup right there. It’s sitting atop my rolling luggage, which is turned upside down on a small hotel coffee table. Improvisation is key.

There are trade-offs, of course. Sound is a big one. The mics themselves are pretty crisp, but ambient noise is an issue. I’ve recorded a bunch of these in cafes, bars and restaurants. I tell myself it’s part of the charm. And, of course, with a Tascam, you don’t have the same sort of sophisticated control you get with a board.

Perhaps I’ve always secretly fantasized about what a home studio might look like. Cost has always been a factor, of course. These things add up like crazy. Also, the barrier of entry is needlessly complex. A handful of companies have looked to capitalize on the increasingly profitable world of non-professional podcasts. Blue has produced some pretty compelling USB-based stuff. For those who want to record multiple guests in the same room, however, things start to get much trickier.

I jumped at the chance to try out the Rodecaster Pro. From the looks of it, it just might be the ideal product to help home podcasters scratch that itch. The product is essentially a six-channel soundboard with self-contained production capabilities. The idea is to just record everything live to a single track that can be uploaded directly to your podcast server of choice.

That includes everything from live mixing to an octet of sound pads you can use to trigger music beds and sound effects. Better yet, you can patch people in remotely by connecting a smartphone via hardwire or Bluetooth.

It’s a really lovely piece of hardware. I showed it to a few folks during setup, and everyone was impressed by the look of the thing, from the pro knobs to the brightly illuminated sound pads with customizable colors.

There’s a small touchscreen display at the top of the board that serves both as a way to gauge levels and navigate various settings. Essentially it serves as a way to bypass the computer entirely, once you’ve finished the setup process. The Rodecaster operates on a similar principle as much of anchor.fm’s offerings, giving users the path of least resistance to bringing a podcast to life.

It’s an admirable goal, especially in the world of podcasting, where content democratization is supposed to be a guiding principle. And certainly setup is painless, so far as mixing boards go. I had to fine-tune and troubleshoot a few things to get it up and running, but within an hour or two, everything was perfectly set up and running.

The downside to that level of simplicity, however, is that it removes the ability to fine-tune some key parts of the process. The most glaring omission is multi-track recording. Sure, you can record four people on mics and a fifth on a phone call, but it all records to the same track. That’s fine and dandy if you want something quick and dirty (as, granted, some podcasters do), but I’m a proponent of editing.

If you’re trying to make it sound professional, you’re going to want to cut it down. Even as someone whose podcast often runs in excess of an hour, I still find I spend much more time chopping the show up in Audacity than I do actually recording. It sucks, but that’s what you need to do if you want it to sound half decent.

Even if you’re not editing for content, at least cut the “uhms” and “ahs” and all of those bits where everyone talks over each other. That’s a hell of a lot easier to do when you’re operating with multiple tracks. I realize not everyone feels that way, but the option would be nice.

Setup mostly consists of unboxing and plugging in cables. Rode sent up a deluxe edition in a giant backpack that also included a pair of its Podcaster microphones and large, heavy stands. You’ll need to go through a couple of screens to set up odds and ends like time and date and to pair it to your phone, if you plan to go that route.

I tethered the board to my laptop during setup, in order to customize the sounds. It comes preloaded by default with applause, laughter, a rimshot and the like — it’s the Morning Zoo Crew package. I tossed in an intro and outro song and a couple of custom effects for good measure (Reggaeton air horn and Nelson from The Simpsons, naturally).

There’s a total of 512MB of storage, so you can add longer tracks as well, associating them by dropping them onto the corresponding pads on the desktop app. Check the levels, pop in a microSD card for recording and you’re off to the races.

I’ll admit that I ran into a couple of hiccups with things like phone audio through the board. Also, the rear headphone jacks require an adapter if you want everyone to hear themselves and the sound effects. Seems like an odd choice, given the novice target audience. Especially since the front cans use a standard jack size.

Original Content records its weekly episode on Fridays, so the timing worked out perfectly to test the thing out. Anthony and I set up mics across the table from each other and we beamed Jordan in via phone.

I hit record, tapped the intro music and we were off. Somewhat annoyingly, the buttons can only trigger the sounds, but not turn them off. That’s great for something like the air horn (for ironic comedic effect only, I swear), but less great with music. You’ll want to edit that down to the length you need it, otherwise you’ll end up potting down the fader, effectively losing that channel until it’s finished playing. The ability to see how much time is remaining on each track would have been a nice touch, but it’s not crucial here.

Once everything was up and running, we didn’t run into any issues for the hour and change we spent recording (aside from me riding the sound effect board a little too hard, perhaps). We finished recording, popped out the card and transferred the files. Boom, podcast.

The sound quality on the Rode mics is really terrific — borderline studio-quality stuff. The episode will be up in a few days, so you can judge for yourself. The sound on Jordan’s phone connection isn’t great, but you can’t really fault Rode for the poor state of cellphone call quality these days.

The Rodecaster Pro does exactly what is says on the box — and does most of it quite well. As someone who operated a board back in my radio days, I got back into the swing of things almost immediately. I’d forgotten how much I’d enjoyed going through those motions in the intervening years. And the ability to actually do a show face to face brings a level of energy and understanding you lose when relegated to Skype.

Bottom line: $600 for the board alone is going to be prohibitively expensive for many novice podcasters. But for a select few looking to start down the path to serious podcasting, this will really hit the sweet spot and up your game with the press of a button.

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