#It’s funny to see this is from a year ago bcs I visited this same colleague (friend) last weekend in Reims

[highvern]

Baby Blues

Pairing: Kim Mingyu x fem!reader

Genre: fluff, domestic!au

Warnings: gross tooth rotting fluff, dad!gyu mom!reader.

Length: ~500

Note: Drunk Goggles couple is back! for a moment! I'm in a bit of a slump and needed something easy and they're so near and dear to my heart. I saw a tiktok of a baby refusing to say dada and i couldn't let it go. threw in some speech development bc im annoying (babies use their lips to say M and B sounds and their tongues to say D which is a skill they develop later)

also GIRL DAD MINGYU SUPREMACY

read more here

“Say da-da.”

“Mama!”

“Your daughter hates me.” Mingyu huffs, head falling to the kitchen table with a thunk. 

Hana delights in her fathers dramatics, squealing her joy while yogurt goes flying. Her chubby fists clap against the plastic table of her high chair and little legs kick out. Mingyu smiles through the pain, never able to truly be annoyed with his favorite person in the world.

Mingyu had been trying to get her to say dada for the better part of an hour. So far each request was either answered with "mama", bubble noises, or unintelligible baby gibberish. You'd simply watched the entire thing unfold from behind your coffee cup, smirking into the rim at Mingyu's desperation.

“Our daughter doesn’t hate you." You say, rolling your eyes. "She’s a baby.”

“No, she hates me. Watch. Say dada, Hana.”

Hana doesn’t pause before shrieking, “Mama!”

“See!” He argues, arms out towards the babbling baby like she's torturing him on purpose.

“She just loves her mama, don’t you Hana?” You coo at her, stroking the top of her head covered in wispy hair as you wipe the mess of drool and her breakfast away.

“Ggggh!”

“Daddy is silly, isn’t he?”

“Bfffff.” Hana spits, ungracefully wiggling in her seat.

Eyes wide, you agree with her ramblings. “Exactly what I was thinking.”

“Hey! Don’t talk about me like I’m not here.” Mingyu pouts.

“We would never!” You give Hana a cartoonish wink that sends her into a fit.

Returning to the sink with dirty dishes, you listen to your husband try desperately to get Hana to say the words he’s been begging to hear since she called you mama for the first time a week ago. Hana humors him, pure sunshine under Mingyu’s constant attention; giggling at his crestfallen face every time like its new.

Deciding to take mercy, you approach Hana’s chair and lift her into your arms. “Gyu watch this. Hana, where’s baba? Baba?” You ask, pointing one of her pudgy fists directly at Mingyu.

“Bah…Bah?”

“She—she said—I’m baba!” Mingyu repeats dumbstruck, staring at your smiling face.  “LETS GO!” He whoops, rising to bolt around the kitchen. Jumping around the room like he won the lottery, fists punching the air in victory. 

It’s the same way he reacted when he found the positive test waiting for him on the bathroom counter almost a year ago. Unfiltered, unadulterated joy. Except there were far more tears when he found out he was going to be a dad, a broken lamp, and a broken couch.

Now, he grins like a mad man, chest puffed in pride that his daughter finally recognized him. As if it was ever a question despite Hana being a spitting image of Mingyu except for her nose which clearly comes from your gene pool. How she screams when he gets home from work and immediately picks her up for smothering kisses like he’d been gone more than a couple hours. Or when you’re all curled up on the couch and she falls asleep on his chest, her mouth open wide as she snores just like the man holding her. And the times all the boys visit to coo over their niece, bribing her with funny faces and silly voices to let them carry her, but the only person she reaches her little arms for his Mingyu.

Hana is Mingyu’s mini me, attached to his hip since her first day. But she's already learning how to get the best of him, no doubt a skill she inherited from you.

You and your daughter cackle in unison as Mingyu sweeps you both into a bear hug, alternating kisses between your lips and Hana’s almost bald head. 

“My girls,” he says with a squeeze, content seeping into his words.

“Mama!”

There's a sigh of resignation, and a nod of his head. “We’ll work on it.”

[effieandtim]

They are criticizing him for visiting Israel years ago. It seems like a legitimate criticism to me, but that it is now seems strange to me. What bothers me about them is the way they talk about their fans, practically insinuating that they forget their principles when it comes to the white man they want to fuck. This is something that also bothers me about a certain part of the activism on Twitter because when women defend a man they bring up the topic of sex. With these fans in particular, they always justify their words: "how embarrassing to behave like that for a man", "they started before" but I remember their comments on Twitter and Reddit. They have not been silenced, I'll tell you that.

oh yes that is definitely a legit criticism - and you wont see me defending it. he was dmed about it by one of the fans and he took the posts down almost immediately - that doesnt make the act of going there, albeit years ago, right, but at least he listened for whatever reason i don’t know. i have no idea what his stance is now, and honestly it’s on him to educate himself - like we all are doing. there is so much propaganda and more so in the uk, with even the government and opposition spreading the same harmful rhetoric (the situation is partly their fault so it’s not surprising). i live here and i see it working in real time. so i am not assuming anyone’s stance on this unless they explicitly say so - and it is possible for awareness to evolve (i have seen that within myself)

oomf who is arab has spoken about this, and i am only offering this view bc they feel the same - unlike those white fans, i dont believe in speaking over someone who has experienced things i will never experience.

anyway. yes that is their go too response - but what’s funny is that i have seen her salivate over a white actor from a popular show that had eagerly expressed wanting to work with a certain abusive director and also his character while calling a female character on the show a cunt in a derogatory way. so that should tell you she doesnt really care about defending woman and or even woc bc she has been racist to wocs too.

[frostbite-the-bat]

WHAT AN AMAZING COLLECTION !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love the dragons protecting the display OOOOOOOUGH SHARKS TEETH YEAAAAAAAAA Do you have any specific favorites? (& What about them said Pick Me to you? (i love rocks sm but have none space so i only have a lil bag of my own) )

YESS!!! THANK YUOU!!! and ofc i gotta have dragons B)

and HMMM OKAY lemme THInks

so *now* pick and buy gems at trinket stores whenver i go travelling and see any tha i just dont own yet (or if theres a piece that's really pretty to me that i DO have, but it's just unique and cool and i want it)

but back then id just..! buy whatever was Cool to me . id always buy so many at once my god

my favorites are defo my extra silly fancy lookin gems!! lemme show em here (older pics) (some are fancier bc i took them for my personal collection list google doc)

bismuth!!

these quartz! i was told they are some type of quartz! these are special to me because i got them a year ago during a school trip to germany - i only had a few euros on me and i ended up spending it all on gems. we checked out the christmas markets and there was an friendly old fellow who was selling gemstones and other things! he even had a cutter and could speak english. we chatted a bit and i listened to him talk about things (like how these lil fellas are formed. i know nothing about chemicals but i just think these things are interesting!!!! i actually get most my gems from giftshops near cave tours because i love visiting them and think it's interesting ^^

anyways he had a little box of various "rocks" that could possibly be geodes that he'd cut and see if they are! the price depended on their size. he said that i could guess with the weight and feel of the "rock" and let me pick from a few that could possible be ones. i said it didn't matter to me if it's gonna be hollow or not, since it's cool to me anyways!

so while my classmates waited and stared at me i just watched this guy cut it nicely in half like this - and he then even cut the smaller flatter piece of it, too. it was very nice! it's also where i bought the tooth, the bismuth, and some other things that i forgot as well... oops. i got a lot of gems

this shimmery pretty goldstone / aventurine glass ! wacky picture quality but i don't feel like getting new pics (+ im on pc now) (lie: i ended up getting new pics later)

. it's a man-made lil' mineral, but it's very lovely regardless! i honestly only care about the "realness" only i it's a scam of some sort. any rock, trinket, gem or mineral, man-made or not is very niceys to me. (i still want an opal tho i only got an opalite which was mislabeled. i dont think on purpose since these stores sometimes accidentally mislabel or misspell things. or use czech names which gets confusing. yeah i may have inaccurate names for some of my gems but i try my best to be accurate. im no pro im just a collector little beast)

some type of peacock ore! (either treated chalcopyrite or bornite, as i've previously written down. i'll trust my past self)

aura quartz! one of my first 3 pieces ive ever gotten that sparked my collection

all of these little fellas i bought at the same place for really cheap! filled my lil collection quite a bitso. i loves tghem. theyre like cereal To Me

in order: garnet, carnelian, emerald, tusquoise (why isnt this one in my list. oh my god how many gems did i miss. i still have a few to add that ill list on the list later that i need to re-check what gems they are. lord.) opalite, chalcedony, snowflake obsidian, obsidian (?), onyx. + not pictured an aquamarine which...? i cant find? im not checking if i put it behind a bigger gem and i cant FIND IT.

i really need to do a new and better gem list . oops. i cant always rely on my memory for these names

my EYES! in order: tiger's eye 2x, hawk's eye, bull's eye

my funny silly mosly multicolor fellas idk they fit the Vibes. i likes thgem (appreciae this secion i had to make sure and like re-identify half of these but i still could be incorrect)

in ORDER... lapis lazuli, sodalite 2x, elbaite (most likely), chrysocolla, rhodonite, blue apatite, amazonite, kyanite

dalmatian jasper and unakite

...some kinda jasper?

so ya!! thats some of my Rocks. this took a while bc i had to look what some of these are again @_@ i loaves them . todays guzma enrichment: this

[ldreamofgenie]

My Man

Summary: Fifteen years after you gave away your heart to him, the boy you fell in love with ends up in Arkham Asylum. You decide to pay him a visit…

Warnings: manipulation, loosely based off the song My Man from Funny Girl (theatre kid jumpscare), weird spacing bc I copy and pasted this from my notes app

“Edward Nashton, you will be the man I marry one day…”

Fifteen years ago, you promised Edward the most sacred thing anyone could sign over to another: your heart.

That promise would be the last thing you said to Edward. Your sweet Eddie would never hear from you again, not even a visit or a call or a text.

Now here you were, fifteen years after that promise, standing in a muggy puddle under the moribund rust that mockingly read: Arkham Asylum.

You were shivering—whether that was from the frigid air or overwhelming fear was unclear.

You were hardly able to give the security attendant your ID, your hand trembling throughout the entire exchange. You slipped him a twenty when you saw that look of recognition cross his face to stop him from calling the paps before he got the idea. If your parents found out about this, you’d be cut off for life.

Fifteen years ago, you were adopted by a wealthy writer and her socialite wife who had recently moved to Gotham from Miami. After a couple of visits to the orphanage, they fell in love with you and wanted to adopt. You and Edward were fourteen then, and the both of you swore you would never be adopted at this point. Your Cinderella Story came true, while his everlasting nightmare continued.

Your parents didn’t allow you to visit the orphanage to see him. They wanted to protect you from the harassment of the press, as it would be a bad look for them as new mothers. So you sent letters. Letters with riddles, love notes, and your favorite fairytales. You poured your soul into each letter, but they were thrown away by the orphanage on arrival, never to meet Edward’s arms…

Your leg bounced incessantly onto the ground. Every bounce would create a new scrape against the chipping paint on the floor. The guard gave you a dirty look, making you stop and look down in embarrassment. You notice your sock was still wet from that dirty moat. You wondered if it was still possible to get trench foot nowadays. To be honest, you would rather take the trench foot than to be wading in this vexatious reality.

A guard comes in on the other side of the plexiglass. You look up, expecting someone unrecognizable from the boy you last met fifteen years ago. But the reality is so much worse. They bring him in with shackles around his hands, feet, even his neck.

The sight of him makes your lip begin to curl up involuntarily. The stinging of your eyes from incoming tears forces your head to hide in your hands. It’s agony. Nothing but pure agony to see him like this.

What hurt the most is that he looked the same. His mousy hair was still unable to be brushed down and his smile, abliet sinister, still reminded you of a smiley fry. You could not fathom that your sweet Eddie could have ever turned into this tempestuous monster. The very thought made your throat clinch and it became increasingly difficult to breathe.

“What’s the matter my dear Y/N?” his soft voice caresses your ears once again despite the muffle from the plexiglass between you.

The lump in your throat was too big to speak. You shake your head in your hands, praying that you’ll wake up from this nightmare. You’ll be fourteen again and back in his arms; counting stars on the roof of the orphanage, reading books to each other, him telling you riddles and you telling him fairytales. No murder, no Riddler, no fame, not even wealth; him back in your arms is all the peace wish for.

“Hello Edward,” you managed to choke out in between your heaving breaths.

“Aww, not even an ‘Eddie’ for your dear old friend? I know you’ve been avoiding me for fifteen years, but I think I deserve a little more than formality here.” He was jovial. It pissed you off. How can someone be jovial in a place like this after causing so much destruction in other peoples lives. His solipsism was unfathomable.

“Edward I came here to…” you didn’t know why you were here actually. You thought it was to just talk to him, but who in their right mind would want to speak to this asshole. You wanted to see him again, but why?

“You came here to apologize for never visiting me or contacting me after you began to live your high life and leaving me in the dust…Go ahead let’s hear it.”

“That’s not true Edward. Don’t you dare say that. I wrote to you every day that I could—“ you tried to explain but he cut you off.

“Oh stop it with the lies Y/N! That’s all you wealthy types do all day, lie lie lie.”

“I am not a liar and I’m not one of those—“

“Oh but you are! Just like the rest of them—“

“Edward I am not them! I wrote to you, letters upon letters upon letters. I poured my heart into each of them. My parents forbid me from—“

“Forbid you! Oh Y/N I knew you lived in a fantasy world, but this is sick! You are an adult, your parents can’t forbid you from anything!”

“Don’t talk about being an adult with me Edward. You are mad at the world, so you decide to kill people?! That’s more than childish, it’s fucking stupid! My parents support me financially, you don’t understand how—“

“No, YOU DONT UNDERSTAND! You got your Cinderella story Y/N and you left me behind to die! I watched you in the press, going to school with Bruce Wayne and the Kane’s and the Elliot’s. You became friends and cohorts those no good yuppies that made our lives in the orphanage a living hell! You abandoning me was a choice. Your parents may have forbid, but you didn’t want to be seen in the press with the poor orphan boy anyway!”

You sat in shock at his vehemence. You wanted to be angry at him, but he was right. Everything he said was correct and you were deeply ashamed in yourself. His soft eyes bore daggers into your soul.

After what feels like an eternity of silence, he says “Take off the sunglasses Y/N.”

You shook your head violently. “Edward you know I can’t do that.”

“Why not? Because people will talk. The press will know that Gotham’s sweetheart has come to visit the terrorist. Take the sunglasses off Y/N.” He says it with force, but you’ve known him for so long. You know that familiar look of sadness on his face; when his eyebrows slant down and his left eye twitches. He’s trying not to cry.

“Please Y/N,” tears begin streaming down his face and his once bellowing voice barely a squeak, “just take the sunglasses off. I need to see your eyes. I’ve missed you so much I just—“

You shush him softly and press your hand against the glass. He presses his hand in the same place. Just like when you were kids, pressing your palms against the orphanage window. It always provided him solace when the nights got frigid and hypothermia seemed like a sweet escape from the pain. He would feel the heat of your palm against the glass and everything would be okay once again.

You took the sunglasses off. That familiar smile returned to his face. This time, it wasn’t sinister or evil: it was warm and filled with love.

You sat there and stared longingly into each others eyes. It was like counting stars on the roof again. Each iris had the same amount of lines as when you last met, but they held so much exhaustion. So much pain inside. You wanted to help him because god knows Arkham isn’t doing anything to assuage his anguish.

“Am I still the man you want to marry one day?” He broke the comfortable silence with a deadweight…

You broke down. You remember the night you made that promise to him; you had just learned you were going to be adopted by the fairytale family of your dreams. It was the night you had to leave Edward behind. So you gave him the best gift you could think of: your heart.

“I—I don’t know Eddie…”

“No Cinderella story is complete without it’s prince. Let me be your prince. Please Y/N, will you marry me?” He pressed his left hand to the glass.

Fifteen years of emptiness. In these fifteen minutes you’ve spent in this horrid place, that emptiness had been filled by his warm presence. You experienced more emotions in these fifteen minutes that you had these past fifteen years. It was enthralling. No amount of wealth could ever make up for an eternity with your Eddie. You wanted to experience this Saturnalia for as long as possible.

You pressed your left hand in the same spot.

“Yes Eddie, I will marry you.”

“So help me get out of here darling.”

“Yes Eddie, I will.”

[magentagalaxies]

Jessamine Accidentally Writes An Essay About Two Conversations Ze's Totally Normal About

one of my beloved mutuals (@souplover13) is reblogging a lot of queerpunk posts tonight which just reminded me of two conversations i want to document. yes this story involves paul bellini why wouldn't it (fr tho i was considering not making this a post bc i was like oh god do people really want to hear me ramble about these 63-year-old gay dudes again maybe i should give it a rest but whatever it's my blog and if people don't like it why are they even following me this is all we do here)

anyway the story actually begins with a conversation i had with my parents earlier today. now, i'm lucky enough to have parents that are constantly trying their best to be good allys and are always learning to do better. they're not perfect, but they want to learn. while at lunch today my dad took a picture of me and my mom together since i won't be home again for a few months and he affectionately said "my girls." i've been out to my parents as nonbinary for around a year, but i let it slide since my gender wasn't the most important part of that sentiment, more the fact that it was a nice family moment.

a beat later my mom corrects "girl and person," and while i am grateful for her seeing that i'm not a girl, this type of correction always makes me feel more awkward than being misgendered. like, the point of my dad calling me "his girl" was this tone of familial affection, but the word "person" just feels cold and distant, which is something i struggle with in a lot of gender neutral language. but beyond that, it's just this weird separation. i jokingly correct my mom again, saying "hey, we're both people."

the conversation continues and eventually my mom asks if it bothers me when people call me "girl" like that. and the truth is: i don't know. it bothers me a little, but the forced neutrality bothers me more, and honestly i don't really care what gendered language someone uses for me as long as they mean it in a way that shows me they care. like, i'd rather be called girl affectionately than be called "genderqueer nonbinary person with a strained relationship to androgyny who uses ze/zir pronouns and feels represented by the word transfeminine" in a derogatory way. I respond "it's contextual," but that's not a satisfactory answer. the conversation moves on to a nonbinary person who stops by my mom's work often and how my mom's had to correct some of the older employees to stop calling them a girl, since times are changing.

the second conversation is from a few weeks ago when i first visited canada to help with the mouth congress concert and got to have lunch with paul bellini beforehand. at one point the conversation developed into paul asking me what being "nonbinary" means for me personally. it was clear he wasn't intimately familiar with the concept (though to his credit he did have more experience with it than i expected), and some of his assumptions were inaccurate to my experience, but he listened intently as i described my experience not knowing how to specifically label my gender but just knowing i don't want to be seen as a cis woman while also having no desire to be fully male. he related it to his own experience as a gay man with his own complex relationship to masculinity and femininity, acknowledging it's not the exact same, and by the end of our conversation i truly felt like he respected my unique relationship to gender even if there were certain parts he still needed to process.

but most importantly, it was funny. granted our conversation was a unique case since both individuals were queer comedians from different generations, but approaching the strange concept of gender identity with humor made it so much more comfortable. paul described being a little feminine gay kid and thinking "i'm not a boy or a girl, i'm a god" and i responded that's it exactly. i brought up the mouth congress song she-male: master of the universe, saying the vision of a vengeful genderqueer space goddess is the most represented i've felt by a piece of media, only half joking. but also there were times when i made jokes about failing at gender (e.g. referencing a group of "girls" at my high school who made me realize i'm nonbinary since i always felt weird for being the least feminine person when we hung out, and then the fact that several of them came out as transmasc after graduation meaning now they can be better than me at being trans as well) and while paul acknowledged the joke he also assured me i was exactly where i needed to be in terms of my gender presentation, and honestly i'm kind of tearing up just thinking about it.

paul never asked me for my pronouns, but to be fair i did somewhat volunteer them in the form of a joke: "i use any pronouns, but i will silently judge you based on what you do with that information." that line got a laugh.

I told the same line to my parents after our "girl" conversation today, earning only confusion, and it made me realize something: so much of modern trans allyship centers entirely around language, be it pronouns or recognizing the lack of neutrality in our everyday speech. and while these things are certainly important, that's not understanding. cishet allys so often want to be able to say the right thing, so they approach the subject as learning the rules for how to incorporate this new approach to gender into their lexicon. i think there's something to be said for how this parallels how we're often taught about cis gender roles: these are the rules you follow to be a man or woman. when you find out someone doesn't fit neatly into those boxes, it's natural to ask "okay, what are your rules?" this also leads to some cis people (even gay cis people) complaining about how "you can't say anything these days" since it's portrayed as just another set of rules you need to learn.

but honestly, i don't know what my gender rules should be. my approach to gender lately has been the equivalent of "idk dude i just work here," i don't know where i specifically fit in but i do know how i feel inside. the answer "it's contextual" doesn't give you the cheat codes to gendering me correctly, because even i don't know how to gender myself correctly half the time. however, more importantly imo it gives you a window into how it feels to be me, a nonbinary person with complicated relationships to every facet of gender who's decided to stop expecting language to fully represent me but still has to deal with language being applied to me all the time. my nonbinary gender is confusing as hell, and i'm tired of having to pretend it's not as if that's the only way it's worthy of respect. every gender (including cis genders) is confusing as hell, and it's only when we all accept this fact that we can actually make a meaningful connection.

as my parents and i were driving away from the restaurant my only thought was i wonder how my dad would've referred to that photo if it was my brother and my mom in the picture. would he have said "girl and boy?" or "girl and person?" or would he have simply said "family"

[vilevampire]

Hi! I don't think this is really gonna be a proper question, I've just got Iruma on the brain rn and my favourite part of it is the characters. I just love (nearly all) of them sm. Is it ok if I rant abt them? You can just ignore this ask I don't want to be a bother adlfslfwnkffhd

My top 3 in no particular order are Kalego, Opera and Purson. Everytime I see them I just get excited I love them sm. Kalego's got probably my favourite design out of everyone, I love how cool he is, I love how he treats the Misfits harshly but he does actually care about them and wants them to succeed. (When I was watching the episodes I somehow skipped on the one where he visits all the student's houses. I didn't notice until I finished S3 aha)

Opera is also really cool. I love that even though Kalego acts tough all the time he's kind of scared of Opera. (that whole thing was a lot clearer after I watched the skipped episode jhljkdsbgk). Not sure how else to put into words how much I love them atm but I do. They're great. Just got to the bit in the manga where they're a teacher at Babyls and teaches the misfits non-verbal magic.

And Purson, I liked him before I even read his story. Only really started to notice him in the intro of S2, but didn't pick up on every time he was on screen. I rewatched a bunch of clips now and it's fun seeing him in the background. I relate to Purson so much it's agh. I always was quiet in my class and rarely anyone interacted with me or noticed me. I liked that most of the time, but there were times I wanted to be noticed for what I can do, but at the same time I don't want the spotlight directly at me. Also Purson being really quiet all the time then when talked to he just talks a lot about so many different things at once is just me. I was so mad when that evil demon guy popped both of his balloons in the heartbreaker arc he was working so hard I so wanted him to get through aslnsdfdfsg

I know you've posted a lot about a lot of different characters, but who'd you say are your top favourites? or does that change a lot?

rambling is always welcome here !!! especially if it's abt mairuma. make urself at home

I love the characters sm too, especially the misfits. (on the topic of the kalego visiting the misfits' homes episode, everytime I think abt that episode I rmr how allocer's scene was the ONLY ONE that had NO dialogue. it was just a still frame sliding across the screen. fml)

opera is a pretty popular character, I mostly appreciate them for their nyanbinary catperson swag, and how sweet their found family relationship w/ sully and iruma is.

I think I picked up on purson's existence early on in s1 (it's funny to re-watch and spot him in the crowd). he's a favorite of mine too. though actually I think most ppl in the fandom love purson and the music festival arc. like everybody unanimously agrees that it's the best arc hghjhughj side note abt purson but this mf is the most not-nonbinary nonbinary character I've ever seen I s2g I kept almost accidentally they/them'ing him sooo much when I joined the fandom a while back like he just does not register to me as a boy. the no biney vibes r just off the charts

ngl I barely rmr shit from the heartbreaker bc I read most of it over a year ago while those chapters were still coming out, the most I rmr is jazz being tortured on the cross (what does nishi fucking have against him to make him suffer so much THE OTHER CHARACTERS DON'T GO THRU NEARLY AS MUCH SHIT AS HE DOES) and then winning bc of allocer and not even getting a rank up for the LITERAL TORTURE he went through. like r you fucking kidding me what the fuck was the point of all that then ?????? fucking rigged

I was so sad for purson too aghhh he tried so hard my boy did his best but he got fucked over by atori >:((

as for which characters r my favorites, I think it's pretty easy to tell just from looking at my acc but robin and jazzy r my top tier faves lmao. though funnily enough neither of them were immediately my favorites. it kinda happened over time after I finished the anime (which only had 2 seasons at the time) and the manga. robin I never paid much attention to until he suddenly took over my heart but jazz was always a character I was fond of just because of how similar he is to me JHGFHJNGF

but my faves have changed around quite a lot since I've gotten into mairuma. my first fave ever was actually kiriwo, which maybe is a bit surprising considering I never post about him and I've never drawn him either (though I plan to), he's what made me fall in LOVE w/ mairuma when I first watched it. fucking love a little guy who is fucked up beyond repair. then later my #1 fave shifted to iruma, then robin followed closely by jazz, and now robin and jazz r about equal (though I am kind of hyperfixating on jazz atm so I've been posting more abt him and drawing him more often)

other characters I adore include:

kalego, for completely heterosexual reasons

lied. I used to dislike him (I hate his pervy jokes, though he's not nearly as bad as kamui) until I watched s3 of the anime and it singlehandedly changed my opinion on him, even though it was all content that I had already read in the manga, I just think the anime did the scenes better. now I'm a lied stan

allocer. a character I completely ignored for like a year UNTIL I watched his sukima from his episode w/ jazz in season 3. like seriously before that point I couldn't even rmr his name consistently, but then I watched that sukima that converted me into a jazzllocer shipper and he slowly grew on me as a result. but the REAL turning point was when I sat down one day and went "okay, I want to write jazzllocer fanfiction, but it's really fucking hard when it's so difficult to get a grasp on allocer's character. he barely has any scenes focused on him, he's missing for an entire major arc and we know absolutely nothing of his backstory. I'm gonna analyze the few scenes he's in very carefully and then come up with my own hcs to make up for what he lacks in canon." after that there was just no going back. allocer is practically my oc now bc of how much shit I've made up about him in the past month or so. also, nishi, allocer arc when ??????? I'm waiting bruh when will my boy get the focus and fleshing out he deserves

furfur. again … for het reasons. I just really like characters that r absolute bastards HGFGHGFGH

among others, but really I like most of them. I'm also fond of dali (similar to furfur he's kind of a little shit. imagine being the most important teacher at babyls and u never fucking do anything), kerori and gyari (lesbians frfr), sabro (autistic king), etc.

[gustingirl]

tagged!

just had a bit of free time for the first time during the whole week and saw that @joon-rkive just tagged me so why not seem completely desperate and do it right now? (i’m leaving the orange hearts bc they're cute and bc i copied the entire thing and i’m too lazy to delete them)

🧡 favorite time of the year: it's quite funny, i love the november-december time bc i’m usually during final exams and it's a moment that feels like the war has ended (y'know the titkok meme). so i love it because it's also when i start my summer vacations

🧡 comfort food: milanesas will always be a comfort food. especially from club de la milanesa

🧡 favorite dessert: lately i've been digging fruit a lot, especially like mix of fruits that restaurants give out (idk if this is a global thing)

🧡 things you collect: if you look at my room, it appears like i collect journals and notebooks. might be true

🧡 favorite drink(s): coffee has become addictive lately. i also love mate and carbonated/sparkling water? i never know the difference. i’m talking about water with gas

🧡 favorite musical artist: at the moment, bts, greta van fleet and fito paez

🧡 last song you listened to: cite tango by astor piazolla because i was rewatching los simuladores (i needed to see santos wearing a sweater again) and no kidding that song slaps, tango is just superior

🧡 last movie you watched: argentina 1985 and let me tell you, if we don’t win an oscar with that movie i’m burning down hollywood

🧡 last series you watched: technically los simuladores but only bc i rewatched one episode just five minutes ago

🧡 series you’re currently watching:  trying to finish house md but the cancer arc is taking me long to finish. i’m not emotionally ready

🧡 current obsession: i’m sure if you check out my blog you can tell right away

🧡 dream place to visit: i always say the same three countries but honestly i’m not even sure i have a dream place to visit. i always say japan, poland and south korea but i’m not sure anymore

🧡 a place you’ve been that you want to go back to: i miss going to mar del plata. it's quite expensive now if you don’t have an apartment at the shore, but i’m hoping to go back.

🧡 something you want: vacations. as simple as that

🧡 currently working on: finishing my major. i’m literally one step away and i can’t wait to be free.

tagging @christina-dh @trashlord-007 @jieunssi @zurdoabsurdo @palewhitehorse @professionalpenthief and @canaryislame

[creedslove]

Have you watched the Kdrama "Nevertheless"?

spoiler!!!!

It's a story about a girl who develops feelings for her FWB, who is a very popular guy and behind the scenes they are total bf gf and she’s falling hard for him but he is still close to his ex who is visiting. she realizes that he may never commit to her and starts avoiding him.

She does that after confronting him and after he has been total jerk to her and she discovers he has lead other girls on the same way. She briefly leaves town and He follows her trying to win her back and is being loved by her aunt, he then confesses his feelings many times but the girl chooses not to believe at all.

They go to the same art school, they have always acted like there's nothing going on between them, while she was vising her town her friends visits her too??? one of her friend from her friend group is openly hitting on him and simultaneously there’s a childhood friend of the girl who is trying to pursue her. but then the childhood-guy realizes that these two have something going on and he puts his feelings aside and stops pursuing her. Also, The fuck boy in this show knows how to make the girl weak he’s just so perfect like that lol.

On returning back, she has been failing her art classes and the Fboy offers to help to which they work together on the condition that he leaves her alone for good before the final art exhibition. (they work in his basement and he finally shows her his place or something i dont remember) right before the exhibition He keeps his word and leaves her without a way to contact him.

After doing well in the exhibition she realizes she has noone to share the good news with ( esp him) she tries to find him, but there's no trace.... the girl goes to the basement where they worked on the project to realize he has sold the house.. she then discovers old sketches of her drawn by him out of admiration, he has drawn her the very first time he ever saw her a year ago (she didn't know him then but he had seen her already) and how grateful we was that their paths crossed again in art school, she finds out he always loved her but was too afraid to express his feelings. He knew from the start she deserves someone better and he knows he is too careless with her heart..

Love at first sight kinda thing for him, even though he got a chance to be with her he constantly fucked up and now its too late bc the girl will never take him back. This is just a brief summary of the series it’s actually very nice and detailed they do end up together.

your writing Betrayed reminded me a lot of the show , both the guys are playing with girls heart and how the girls get wiser and push them away is when the guys get their act together … I hope you get inspired and actually give the reader & Pedro a chance because I am assuming they aren’t fwb.. I hope they either cross the friends line if not at least now or P suffers watching other pursue her but the reader isn't really happy bc it's not P... I wish to see some element of wants/cravings lol

Great Work!!!!!!!

I have never!!! I have a lot of kdramas on my nefltix list but i never got to watch them because I'm honestly so lazy for series and i usually waste all my time on soap opera lmao but this whole story sounds absolutely amazing!!! That's definitely the kind of drama i like and i already added it to my list, and as it is a short series I'll take a look at it on the weekend, so hopefully I'll enjoy it as much as I did the description you sent me!

It is funny how similar the plots are, but i swear I didn't watch it, it all came from my mind plus my lovely anon's ideas hehehe, but I'm happy to see a lot of people dig into drama hahaha

Pedro and reader aren't fwb but there's definitely feelings between them, they are unresolved and they need to figure out if they'll stay together or not. I'm so excited to see what people will think of this next chapter, I guess people will be divided, hehehe thanks for the awesome ask, anon!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[castle-dominion]

5x9 secret santa, I read a fic with an episode tag; actually I can't find it & I went through 22 of my fic history with ctrl f & a bunch of different searches to see if I could find it, but I could not & I've been searching for this for over half an hour

Ew christmas but this is actually nice, mostly bc I don't need to deal with All The Rest of the christmas BS. I like christmas when there is only a LITTLE bit

I thought that the kid would find the body Oh dang where did he come from!? Chubby little hands <3 tradition <3 No wrecking tradition? As long as you don't change it entirely

AND NOW SANTA IS DEAD!?!? Well not anymore

Holy crap ryan is soooo pretty KR: Santa, lying there dead. You gotta ask yourself, what kind of world do we live in? Oh yeah she does ride a motorcycle

Ryan looks pretty again Ah yes, family *gives the pen to esposito* *espt looks mad* Poor ryan neither of y'all visited your family during xmas? You two drink a six pack between the just two of you? & only one videogame all night?

Becks why would he be dressed as santa in an aircraft when getting shot? He here for Lanie? lmao these two LP: Javiiiiii!

HOLY CRAP SHUT THAT THING UP What would he do during the warmer months?

Airplane??

*vomits from all the xmas* But it's cute. Castle Reminds me of a friend's family, they do xmas Big. Class? Make magic ew SANT CLASS!??

Pipe? against clown rules

The what now? Oh yeah santas def have agents

Wow man looks hella different & maybe he did have some

KR: He made that much as a Santa? Maybe I should switch jobs, huh? JE: What, gain 200 pounds and have a bunch of rugrats sitting in your lap with dirty diapers?

clausible was not funny

Apart for five years but he still called you three years ago & now recently? Maybe he became a santa to escape some sort of trouble & needed to disappear

THAT'S the lawsuit he was involved in! btw I love how beckett has a specific mug she uses

*esposito walking by listening* Why did we include that clip? xmas shopping this late? Ah he was hanging around waiting to give her info

Airfield?

& also he was listening so we could have this convo JE: So. You pulled the Christmas shift. Again.

EW HOLY CRAP THAT BLOOD

So esposito has this info to give to beckett but why doesn't she have info to give to him? Her shoes can have heels, but they should NOT be that THIN. Also yay we get to see reichle's shoes! btw is this the same hangar or set as the one with montgomery & lockwood?

Math like my baby brother But the cab driver said he got Back In the cab?

Meeting the boyf's parents at xmas? Oh wait it is not on christmas for her nvm.

He brought a thingamajig! Probably a gift! Oh aww for her It really is a gift from her gates almost swearing XD tiny freakin sandwiches She LIED to him…

OK WHO IS DETECTIVE ELDIN? I NEED A FACE FOR THE NAME

Wow you figured it was monogrammed candy canes?

Ok but they all look similar

Santa had a clock in his apartment! Fillion could not get thru that line WHOSE office was it from? Robbery is already interviewing them

yeah hella expensive clock, also can u sell it? like,, are you able to find a buyer? hohohoed out of there XD RC: No, the clock was commissioned by a secret society to count down the end of days. A secret society of Santas, who are the guardians of times. Ho! Oh, that’s good.

Making nice coffee Castle COMMUNICATE with her xmas tree in the coffee! castle don't interrupt she WAS telling you what, you just interrupted her!

You should have just TOLD him! See? He understands even tho u lied to him!

pipe tobacco!!!

through the heart lmao

clipped that fight scene

Wiped it down but didn't get the blood out of the seat? that crap is worth 30 grande!?

For two grand you totally don't ask that's horrible that's sad... Also why is he in the interview room as a santa?

OOH RYAN'S OUTFIT. rly pretty, dark, ryan is usually wearing lighter stuff redemption <3

ngl we all thought those two were in a relationship he TOLD you? remember norm jessop? paper is heavy! Imagine carrying textbooks! That's why like bank robbers or whomever struggle to carry bags of cash, they are carrying what's like textbooks. Paper cash is not light!

his name is mr case?

The wife!??? I love this! Usually you move past the girlfriend after fifty pages or w/e the poker writers said, they just came BACK around to the wife

VG: Speaking of people having their homes stolen... KB: Is that your mother-in-law again, Sir? VG: Detective, if you happen to receive a report of a homicide tonight at my address, do me a favor. Ignore it. Don't make threats/jokes like that

LMAO WHO PUT MISTLETOE BY THE ELEVATOR? shake handsdfjksdjfhdfjh

NO NO NO THIS SCENE IT'S SO GOOD IT KICKS THE DICKENS OUT OF MY HEAR

KR: staring into space JE: Yo, what you still doing here? (he sits) Shouldn’t you be at home, stuffing your wife’s stocking? ((XD)) KR: KR: I don’t think I’m ready, Javi. JE: For what? Sex? KR, a smile still cracking through at that: No. For what sex leads to. We were putting up the tree the other day, and Jenny says to me, “just doesn’t feel like Christmas without kids”. She wants to try. JE: smiles/frowns in a nod KR: But I come to work. I watch the news every day. It seems like the world’s falling apart. How am I supposed to bring a kid into that? JE: The world’s always falling apart, bro. Since the beginning of time. But having kids? Making a family? That’s what keeps it together. So go home. Make a baby. You’re ready. KR: nods along. KR: Yeah. Thanks, bro. (he slaps him on the arm) Merry Christmas. JE: Yeah. Merry Christmas. He forces a smile. He’s still alone.

OK BUT WHAT IF CASTLE MADE HIS OWN PLANS AFTER THE BOTH OF YOU HAD OTHER PLANS *opens the door before she knocks* YO HEY KARPOWSKI IS STILL MENTIONED & STILL EXISTS ROMANTIC AF SDHFJKHDSFJSH

You know, I thought the first time I watched the episode that castle & esposito would end up spending xmas together so when I heard that knock I totally thought it was esposito What a nice reveal <3 Obv going to invite him in sdkfhasdjkfhjasdfhkasdjfh uwu this this this I didn't like it the first time I watched it but I enjoyed it this time around jdfsjdfhjkh

HEY I MADE THIS EPISODE IN TIME TOO!

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] yes i know its very late night by now yes i will go 2 sleep later BUT LIKE. i got back to remembering wings ask but not exactly continuing the thought but like. idk. something about his wings and lmi and adkjwhfhshd a scene that transpired from the Thought like, when lumine first knew about xiao's wings a little more deeply, listening to what he's willing to speak of the history of it. how he doesnt remember the sensation of flying and using, how he lost it in his past torture, and to the point he just,... leaves it be on his back. it's set before zhongli finds the blueprints, and the story itself stretches a bit to how then xiao began to acknowledge his wings.

anyway back to lumine, xiao had taken it slow to reveal something he never thought of expressing yknow? cus its not like it affects his way of transport, but it does limit the methods, BUT xiao also never used his wings nor remember the experience of it. this is what he tells to her, and it becomes sort of a heart-to-heart discussion. but that's not the entire point tho LMAO what i'm getting at is the way lumine would want to make him feel better by speaking of her own experiences close to what he is; namely, a person with wings. herself, although shes not avian. so she tells him of her experience with bird people from other worlds instead.

like yeah this is the whole point of the thought process basically HSJFJSHFH like, i love that in the years lumine and xiao had been accustomed to each other for these casual but also comfortable conversations, the former just kinda slips in her Otherworlder stories, be it as examples or fun trivia or anything. it doesnt happen necessarily often, but just enough for a chat to be lighter and sparks enough curiosity for xiao to keep engaging or simply listen. so like, in this scene particularly. lumine tells him about how humans with wings are sorta some world's kids' fantasy depictions of angels. or others would think they're gods. or that one time theyre not humans with bird wings but humanoid birds! like, they stand like people but with bird heads like what!! and to xiao who had felt a little bad for dumping his sob story about his wings would be both assured and amused at those stories, changing his mind more and more that maybe. just maybe its worth a try flying again. not that her stories is the cause of it than it being his decision entirely.

i just think eueugehfh lumine would tell him about the stars and constellation he never sees, right? then she would enlighten him with cultures and technology. id like to think maybe at one point she comes back from a quick jump out of teyvat for Stuff, she brings along souvenirs. and she invites her friends to try em, and for xiao its probably best if theyre alone so he doesnt need to feel more embarrassed than he is (extra bit i thought abt her introducing him to multiplr gadgets from a futuristic world she and aether visited, she gave him some fancy tech skates, and boy to see him fumble so much is just so funny and cute i hdkwjthshbfwjfh and of all gadgets he actually liked the skates). so like yeahgdjahd!! explodes i will sleep now gnite muah i hope u have a good evening 2day aly!!

crying shaking bawling sobbing.

NOT REMEMBERING THE SENSATION OF FLYING yearning for something so deep so intrinsic but not knowing what, not know how it feels ohhhhh my god. not remembering flight but wanting it regardless im goigngn to explode

HUMANOID BIRDS...... no bc. fun little backstory time i have a Side Project that is on indefinite hold that is So Fucking Slow Going and its literally just worldbuilding and oc-creation for a story i havent quite come up with yet and i want So Many Bird People. i spent DAYS a while ago now trying so hard to consider anatomy and how arms & wings at the same time would work and what would be most convenient and make the more sense for a humanoid bird species or a bird-like human species or any combination of both anbd. explodes again. lumine telling him about all kinds of different species and ways of flight and how for some it was similar to a sacred act and for others it was the most casual, simple thing and the world and some being winged but flightless and how they adapted to that and. ,mfgmnmng

THE STARS AND CONSTELLATIONS FROM OTHER PLANETS CULTURES AND TECHNOLOGY no bc her going to other planets specifically to ask for advice/help with constructing sort of wing braces/supports/prosthetics and so its her and zhongli and aether and khaenri'ahn technology but also all sorts of knowledge from multiple different cultures.....

XIAO ON SKATES THAT'S SO SILLY i love that os bad for him. him handshake me fumbling So So Much but having sm fun... WE R EXPLODING FR ily so bad im so. pleading face emoji @ all of this. I HOPE U SLEPT WELL AND NOW THAT ITS NIGHT AGAIN I HOPE U R SLEEPING WELL AND I HOPE U HAVE AN AMAZING DAY TOMORTROW !!!!!!!!!

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

12.11.2022

I just realized it would be 11 days til my birthday is up. But yeah, I think or I can feel that my long time crush since college feels the same way with me...but I'm only guessing.

(I have written a blog here telling a story of how I started to fall for this guy and about our recent interaction when he invited me to his friend's TLAT watch party - so if you're interested I will find it and link it here)

So we were in a church gathering and when it was finished, my mom and I were walking through the crowd when I saw my crush (let's call him Rain) and my mom also noticed him. Note, my mom knows I have a crush on him and that was like 7 years ago. So yeah anyway my mom told me to run to him and without thinking, I wrapped/held my arms around his so we're walking pretty close. He was stunned then he looked at me and relieved he said, "ah, it's you!"

And man, I felt that his arms became relaxed around my hold and also he's like squeezing me close to him bc we were also walking through a large crowd. I keep looking at the back to see if my mom could still see me and goodness she did.

Within a minute of that, my mind is all over the place. I'm nervous but also relaxed. It's an intense feeling - maybe it's just me. But anyway, so my mom reached us where we stopped. We let go of each other's arms and my mom talked with him (they know each other- we we college mates and have the same friend group. Basically, my mom is their "auntie"). They talked about how often he will visit the church and how often he'll see me now bc he recently transferred to our locale and he told my mom, "I think I'll see <my name> more often now" with his face beaming. I cannot help but blush when he said that to my mom.

Am I supposed to assume that he has intentions now to court me or is he just saying that as something funny?

With my time with him thinning, we saw his dad waving at us and it seems they're in a hurry to leave. My mom suggested that before he leaves, him and I should have our picture taken. Idk what's with my mom but I love her for being so supportive 🤣 thanks mom! So in the middle of the crowd, we paved our way to a small corner and there, we took a picture. A picture I cannot stop looking for like hours now.

When he's about to leave, his younger sister arrived and called him that they should go. We talk for a bit asking her if she could still remember me (I was always invited to hang out at their house back in college so I know his family too). However, she can't seem to remember me...maybe bc I had my hair dyed and short now not like the long hair beyond the waist kind of length I had before. Anyway, we said our goodbye and my mom and I can't stop giggling about what just happened.

When I got home, which is also the only time my phone will be connected to the internet, I received a message from him.

"How're things? Could you send our picture earlier. I want to see"

When I sent it to him, he said...

"Why do I look ugly when I'm beside you?"

Our picture looks like those old couple photos from your parent's album back when they were young. Our smiles were simple but I think it was very memorable to both of us.

And there, we just talked about stuff and work then we went ahead to play online games with friends. It was a good night. I really had a good time and it's been so long since.

What do you think? Am I special to him? Or am I just another girl friend?

Do know that he's friendly with anyone and nothing wrong with that. That is his personality. I just wanted to know if my feelings are similar with him. Urgh it's been 7 years since I also confessed that I have a crush on him and up to this day, I think he remembers that very well. He's that kind of guy too. Remembers little things and stuff. And he's cute and handsome. My mom told me that she thinks the reason why I liked him is that he's my complete opposite. He's a calm and firm person while me - a chaotic and weird one.

I had many crushes in the past, but he's only the guy who stuck around me. That even though we went through the awkward part of our friendship, he's still there for me. (Tbh, we didn't speak for 2 years). But here we are now, bonding and building our friendship for the long run.

I just wish it could be more than that. And that he, is the one. My one.

Thanks for reading through my nonsense babbling. I just need to scream out my feelings somewhere and tumblr is my safe space. I don't trust my irl that much to tell them about my feelings towards him bc that might ruin everything. So yeah, let me know what you think and if you have ideas on how to cope about this kind of stuff, please do tell me bc I NEED IT SO BAD - my autistic and ADHD brain cannot handle this 😭👉👈

Wishin you a good day!

[princesscatstronaut]

ughhhhh I'm the worst. I haven't done anything since wedn and I was supposed to get so much done this weekend and I just didn't. bc I decided to listen to the Ethersea season of The Adventure Zone bc McElboys and dnd are comforting things.

I got to visit with my friend who lives out in the suburbs (we were in college together). her life is very different than mine and she seems happy, but tired, but then she has 3 kids under 6 yrs old so like, that'll make anyone tired. she had some rough times as she built her family. but she has a big family now and (I think) all the support she needs to be ok. but it was so nice to get to talk to her. its funny, we have gravitated to the same side of tiktok (at least on the spiriuality/therapy side). we shared the names of accounts we really liked. we both think we're neurodivergent (I think I may have a touch of the 'tism).

I look at the the things I have to do to make my thesis ready for boss to read, and I know everyone keeps saying "why can't you just do it? why is it taking you so long?" and that's bc I know to my old-boss nothing is ever good enough and he will tear everything apart. and I already have ptsd from the defense itself (which was last March, almost a year ago), and opening the documents throws me into hysterical-crying-panic-attacks, which makes this difficult and scary. so like, there's reasons why its scary. but no one in my dept cares about that. they just see a loose end that needs to be tied up and don't understand how hard it is for me to find the strength to do it myself.

And I look at my friend, who I've known for over 20 years, and I try to explain to her why its so hard and I can't seem to find the right words. but she knows me. she doesn't need to understand why its hard, she can see that it is. there are a lot of things she has gone through that I have never experienced and can empathize but don't completely understand.

through tear-stained spectacles, I'm trying to work on the final analysis that I need to do for the thesis edits. my old boss will never understand why its hard for me. he will not suddenly develop empathy, I know this. no karmic retribution will show him how cruel he was to me, bc the universe doesn't care. and he will never care.

the files take a long time to load onto the vnc on the supercomputer so I occupying myself with this in the mean time. I don't know how I'm going to get through this, but I feel like the window of time I have to get it done and approved is very short (first week of Dec? and it has to get past my committee after boss is done eviscerating it).

the actual work I need to do involves aligning structures in an MD simulation to a reference structure and seeing how they compare to the open-reference structure and the closed. I have to get that data and then I can use jupyter to graph it and then that'll be done. the second task involves docking the glucose molecule with my pipeline and see how it compares to the positions of the ligand in the simulations. this is all doable I think. but the files are very large and so they are still loading. its hard when the files are so big bc I lose momentum. I mean, I made myself put the video games down and sit at my desk (and take my meds and eat something), but hopefully I can get this all done soon. I think I can definitely get the alignments done. the docking-then-alignment might be doable too. I just have to see if the web-docking interface will work for that. it probably will if its just a quick one. boss did suggest that, so I can just make it easier on myself that way. he always says to not make it harder on myself but he has no concept of how hard even simple things are to me when it comes to my thesis. and his edits are mostly about the sentence structure and grammar and rarely about the material, but then, after 6 years of abject neglect I don't know why this is still surprising to me.

I can see what life looks like once this document is done and out of my hands, and I can't wait for that. I just have to do these couple of hard things and then I'll be closer. I don't know if boss will be able to get the edits back to me in time for this semester deadline, and if not, then it'll happen next semester. I feel like I can get him something soon. everyone cross your fingers. I want nothing more than to never see/speak/interact with him ever again. I want to focus on putting myself back together. there's so much adulting I need to do that I haven't been able to do bc of this goddamn thesis.

but yeah, I don't want to be here. I don't want to do this. I don't want to participate in this life.

[noro-noro-noro]

dream 1: back in the fantasy courtyard from last time dream 2: i go travelling & end up in someone’s huge house

this dream started off the same as the last one, but i remember a little more now! with the strategy shooting game in a fantasy world. this one the enemies hadn’t shown up yet, so i was just walking around looking at things. the sky was like...a pleasant light reddish pink? or maybe all the way through idk. warm light colored stone tiling & walls everywhere with pale trees. i think i was in the courtyard of some castle or something, but the size of the area i was in was inconsistent. one second it was really huge & sprawling, & the next i remember 3 walls. in the center area of the courtyard there was a fountain, or the fountai was gone, depending on if it was flat or small area. around where the fountain was/would be were 4 floating white columns that shot a beam up in the sky.

anyway, after that, i was travelling to visit someone, i think? i ended up in a small town in another state around sunset. i was eating dinner at a funny little place that had a cowboy theme & i ran into someone i knew, or they started talking to me & we were having a good conversation. i meshed with that friend group. casey also was there. didn’t like that. after night fell, i went with one of the people’s older sister back to their house (they were really rich & had a nice house that was bigger on the inside) bc the rest were still out & about & wanted to go to a bar i think? casey followed us. i didn’t like that. i told her about casey since i froze up & wasn’t able to say anything when he first showed up, & she was like “alright get inside” & i went inside & watched her confront him through the front door. i was worried about her that she’d get shot or something, & yeah sure enough even though she was bigger than him he started choking her. i ran outside to tell him to stop & at this point his appearance changed?? he looked like a dude i knew from my university pokemon go group like 5 years ago, with longish curly brown hair & plaid shirts & glasses. anyway he told me that nobody would ever bleieve me yada yadda yadda & it was my word against his, & i told him he was just mad he couldn’t get hole from any asian girl in the world, & then everyone else showed up & we went inside. i explained about casey & they were like ohh i see & then he dematerialized from the rest of the dream. 

also someone i knew from college that i HATE HATE HATED was there but i wasn’t even mad at him. it’d been so long i was actually happy to see him & glad he & the others were doing well. idk why he was there & at first we bitched at each other incredibly, but i realized i wasn’t actually mad & we ended up tearfully making up in & giving each other a hug on the kitchen floor?? wack. but whatever. i can’t say it was bad. 

the inside of the house WAS legit really cool. the downstairs was pretty normal. it looked like the inside of a kind of upscale furniture estore. it had those bowls with wicker balls. upstairs was all open? the second floor was a huge library sorted by element (?) & it had little treehouse type areas? short turrets that you could climb up & there were MORE books. they were shaped like. minecraft pillager outposts tower with bulgy except only half a store tall. & also an area like the discount rack at Ross for tons & tons of clothes (the older sister wore a lot of different colored skirts made of weird material like they make warm socks out of). & also the 3rd floor was like a bunch of hanging walkways over the rest of the house. they have in construction (?) zones or whatever, or big factories in movies, except these were made of a light colored wood. there was one “room zone” in the 4 cardinal directions. the north (?) one was cozy & it had a leather couch & gray walls. it was pretty much exactly like the gamer room of a childhood friend of mine. it also had a red electric guitar. another area was like a living room, & we were all sitting in there kicking back & having drinks. i wanted to keep exploring the house. i don’t remember what i saw but i remember continuing to comment on the size of the house.

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

not jealous | jake sim

summary: jake sim is not a jealous person. at least that's what he tells himself. so why does he find himself going through your phone when a certain "bluejay park" decides to text you?

pairing: jake sim x y/n [ft. mentions of jay park]

genre: angst, fluff 

warnings: angst, cursing (very minimal), one slightly suggestive sentence, jake being cute, some more angst lol, slightly cheesy bc jake’s just too cute ugh

wc: 3.8k

a/n: ok i loved writing this, which is why i went on to almost 4k words LOL oops. but anyways, i love jake a little too much and this type of scenario has been running around in my head for a while now so i decided to put it into words. also i may have created this blog just so i could post this somewhere LMAO anyways yeah this was my first fic so hope you guys enjoyyyy <3

Jake Sim is not a jealous person.

At least that's what he tells himself. To be fair, in his past relationships, he never showed any jealously. Then again, he doesn't know if he can call those relationships, "relationships". Does a fifth grade relationship with a girl who he was once dared to kiss during a game of Truth or Dare in the basement of a classmate's house during their 11th birthday party count? He doesn't remember being jealous when the same girl was later dared to kiss his classmate, Sunghoon. (Funny enough, that's how the two boys came to be best friends 'til this day, but that's a story for another time.) 

But really, Jake doesn't think jealously is one of his traits, even if he's now almost 20 years old without any experience with love other than his current relationship with you and that short-lived romance in the fifth grade. (What was her name again? Jake would have to ask Sunghoon later.)

So he doesn't know what clicked in that brain of his that lead him to this current situation he was in. He doesn't know why he felt a little spark of anger in him when your phone, which you left right next to him on the couch while you went to take a shower, kept buzzing with texts from "bluejay park". He doesn't know why he couldn't kept his eyes distracted from the messages, although your phone was constantly lighting up because whatever it was Jay had to say to you, he would not shut up about it. He doesn't know why he questioned what your relationship with Jay was for a split second.

In fact, you're close with all of Jake's friends. That's one of his favorite things about you, you get along so well with all his friends you might as well replace Jake himself in the friend group. So he doesn't know what tells him to take a little glance at your phone—at the messages.

But he finds himself doing it anyways.

Hearing that the water in the shower was still running (you were always the type to take long showers), he quickly grabs your phone and scrolls through the lock screen just to find that he couldn't even read the messages since you had your notifications set so no one could read them unless the phone was unlocked (darn you and your settings!) Thankfully, Jake knew your passcode––and you knew his too––or he thought he did. Until the iPhone vibrated, telling him the passcode was wrong.

He must've entered it too fast or something. So he tries again.

And again.

And again.

Until the iPhone switches its screen to say: "iPhone is disabled. Try again in 5 minutes."

There's no way. You never change your password. And even if you did, you would tell him—you two even had each other's fingerprints saved into each other's phones in the past (you know, before the world decided that Apple's home button was too lame and decided to just completely get rid of it). If there was an option to save multiple faces for Face ID, you two would be that couple that saved each others faces in your own phones.

That being said, Jake sat there, your phone in hand, frozen. Why was your phone locked? Why was Jay texting you 10 texts per second? Why did he feel guilty about this entire situation?

He hears the shower switch off and in that moment, he swears he feels his heart beat just a little faster. He tells himself there's no way you'll be out before the 5 minutes are up. You followed a really meticulous skincare routine (one that Jake memorized by now) that took an extra 15 minutes of your time after each shower.

"Hey Jake?" Your voice calls out from the tiny bathroom door crack that you left open before you hopped in the shower, "Is my phone out there? Do you mind bringing it to me?"

Fuck.

Jake shifts on the couch. Taps his foot on the ground. Returns your phone to its original spot. Clears his throat.

"Don't you want to get dressed first?" he calls back, quite timidly.

He can hear you stop moving around in the bathroom. Probably telling yourself what an odd response that was. To be fair, it was an odd question, considering the fact that you two have been together for so long, it’s not like he hasn’t seen you undressed before...intentionally or not. 

Next thing he knows, the steam is rolling out of the bathroom door and you're stepping out in your towel, eyebrows raised.

"If you didn't want to get up from the couch, you could've just said so, you lazy butt," you smirk at him as you walk towards him and the couch, leaving a faint trail of water drops behind you. Jake's eyes follow your figure as you go to grab your phone and lift the screen towards yourself.

That's when he freezes. You do too.

You cock your head, as if asking yourself why it was disabled. He can hear the gears in your head turning.

"Jake, did you try to unlock my phone?"

He runs through all the possible excuses he could blurt out. Come on Jake, think of something! But he knows he can't lie to you.

Too many beats of silence pass by.

"Maybe," he finally says—or more like murmurs. He looks up to you like a child looking up at their mom, who just them caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. To his surprise, you don't show any hint of anger. A flash of confusion—and is that worry he sees?—crosses your face for a split second before you shrug and turn towards your room to change, dropping the subject. It was natural for you two to use each other's phones anyways. So then why did you have that look of worry?

Jake knows you well, a little too well. But that's what you love about him. He can easily read all your emotions. One of the many things he picked up from dating you for almost two years now. But why would you care if he tried to get into your phone? Why would that worry you? All the possibilities run through head and his own worry begins to increase. He trusts you. He does.

So then why does the thought bother him throughout the entire day? Why does he bring it up during dinner later that night, when you're both cuddled on your sofa, slurping take-out ramen while rewatching your favorite k-drama under the thick blanket that you always keep in your living room for nights like these?

"Huh? Of course I've heard from Jay today, we had that conversation about that stupid meme you boys kept laughing about in the groupchat we're all in, didn't we?" You answer him when he asks if you've heard from Jay lately. You sit up from your warm spot under Jake's arm to put your empty bowl on the coffee table in front of you. When you lean back, you look up at him,

"Why do you ask?"

"Oh, it's nothing, just wondering," he says, avoiding your eyes by keeping his own trained on the series currently playing on your TV. This would be your third time rewatching this series together. He would never complain to you though, he knows how much you love it and if he were being honest, he was secretly attached to the characters—not that he would ever tell you, he would never hear the end of it from you and the boys.

"You're being weird. Just tell me, or did you forget that I can practically read your mind," you say with a giggle and shove to his side, the one you were currently warmly cuddled into. Jake wasn't the only one who learned how to read emotions; you could read him just as well as he could read you. And like you, that's one of the many things he loved about you. But maybe not in this case.

He toyed around with the contents inside his ramen bowl with his chopsticks.

"I just..." God, how does he word this? Why was he having trouble explaining it? You were the easiest person to talk to. To him, you were the only person he could tell everything to.

"Jaywastextingyouabunchearlier," he blurts out quickly, but not quickly enough for you to miss it.

He feels you shift under his arm. He feels the air in the room shift. Tension.

"What?" Now you're sitting upright, legs criss-crossed in front of you on the couch but turned, so your body is completely facing him. He mirrors you, sitting up to put his ramen bowl next to yours on the surface, but he stays facing the TV.

"Your phone kept going off because of him when you were showering," he says with a little more confidence. But inside, he was nervous as hell, the same nervous as when he asked you out for the first time many moons ago. But it's too late to back out now, he brought it up first, anyways. Guess we're having this conversation now, good going Jake!

"Is that why you tried unlocking my phone earlier? I mean I thought you were just trying to leave selfies on my phone like you always do but you were trying to read my texts?" You question, slightly raising your soft voice. He doesn't know how to react, he hates confrontation.

"It wasn't like that, Jay just kept spamming you and like I—why was he even texting you in the first place? Then your phone got disabled because you changed your password, which you never do by the way, so I–"

"I changed it because my little sister kept getting into my phone when I went to visit my family yesterday! Did you really think I was hiding something from you? You know I can text whoever I want, right? You don't own me."

Okay so now he's managed to make you angry. Good going Jake, part 2!

"Okay but what does Jay need from you so bad that he has to send you like 50 messages at once?" He's standing now. So are you, eyebrows furrowed together as you collect your bowls from the table.

Standing there, bowls in hand, you say, "Jake, that's none of your business! It wasn't even that big of a deal, I don't know why you felt the need to nosy around."

"Well, if he's texting you non-stop, then obviously it's a big deal! We wouldn't even be having this conversation if you would just tell me what you guys were talking about," he murmurs back, eyes narrowing. You scoff as you trail into your kitchen. He follows behind and stops at the other side at your kitchen island as you place the dirty dishes into the sink.

"No, we're having this conversation because you obviously don't trust me! It doesn't matter what we were talking about, it doesn't matter who I was texting! I could be texting your mother and I shouldn't have to tell you what we were talking about! That's why we're having this conversation," you say as you turn back to face him from the other end.

He hates this. He hates fighting with you (which is a very, very rare occasion). He hates that you think he doesn't trust you. He hates his insecurity eating at him, telling him to keep questioning you on why you and Jay were talking in the first place. He was aware that you were close with his friends, but it wasn't until the texts he realized just how close you are with them. It's not that he didn't trust you, he just didn't know how to act when it came to you and other guys. God knows how he got lucky enough to meet you, let alone date you, so the thought of him losing you to someone else actually terrified him. Not only were you his first real relationship, but he wanted you to be his first and only one in life. You were it for him.

"Why did he text you." He deadpans from his side of the kitchen.

You scoff with a hint of exasperation. "You're kidding me."

You stare at him. He stares back, quirking an eyebrow, as if restating the same question back, as if testing you.

You're fuming now. Why was he making it so hard? Why was he doubting you? Out of frustration, you start laughing, which scares him. That can't be good.

"Fine. You wanna know so bad? Take a look,"  you're one tone level away from screaming as you take your phone out of your pocket, unlock it, and open up your conversation with "bluejay park", sliding the phone across the island to reach him.

Jake stares at the phone which now lies there, unlocked, facing him. Isn't this what he wanted? It is, right? That's why he started this dreaded argument with you in the first place.

Then why does he feel so fucking awful?

He looks back up at you, to see you sighing and looking up at the ceiling, as if trying to force your forming tears back into your eyes.

Yup, he feels horrible.

"Happy? Happy to know we were just trying to plan a surprise birthday party for you but you and your jealously just had to know huh, Jake?" You quickly state, voice cracking, as you tried not to choke up. You weren't sad that he found out about the surprise. You were sad that it felt like he didn't trust you. That he thought you were the type of person to do god knows what behind his back. You hated the feeling of not being trusted. Especially by Jake, of all people.

"Fuck."

Jake's face (and heart) falls with the most broken expression you've ever seen. But you're too sad, angry, tired (a mix of all?) to care. Your only goal right now is to not let him see you cry.

You hurry past him, across your apartment, and into your bedroom, slamming the door behind you, leaving behind a shocked, and regretful, Jake.

His heart shrinks when he hears the door slam shut and a little more when he looks down at the still unlocked phone in front of him. He didn't have the heart in him to look at it anymore. Of course he trusted you, he knew what you said was the truth.

He mentally screams at himself for assuming the worst––for thinking that you, a literal angel, would betray him.  First, he thought he was losing you to someone else. Now, he was afraid he just lost you through his own actions. 

He hesitantly sulks over to your door, softly knocking when he reaches it.

"Y/N?"

No response.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry. I didn't know, I let my—”

"Jake just please leave me alone for now," he hears you painfully say from a distance, meaning you're on your bed. He knows the door's unlocked—the lock on your door hasn't been working for a long time now, despite the many times he tells you to talk to your landlord about it. But he doesn't find it in him to open it. He knows he messed up. If he saw you in there right now, crying, he wouldn't know what to do. He wouldn't know what he would to do himself, knowing he was the reason behind your tears.

He nods in silence, knowing you can't see him, but does so anyways and returns to his spot on the couch. He could leave right now, go back to the dorm with the rest of the guys, let you have your space like you wanted. But his heart hurts at the idea of leaving you sad, angry, or a combination of both. He can't leave this unresolved. He fucked up, he has to fix it.

And so he sits on your couch for another hour. The clock on the wall behind him continues to tick as the silent tension in your apartment continues to grow. When it hits 11pm and he's sure you've slumbered off into sleep, he quietly enters your room.

He can see your figure in the dark, your back facing the door as you're curled up into yourself under the comforter. He feels his heart drop a little more when he imagines you crying in that position from earlier. He slowly peels the comforter open and gets into his side of the bed, careful not to bother your sleeping figure.

Laying there, staring up at the ceiling, he's never felt more like a stranger in your bed. It's not that he hasn't slept over before, god knows he's probably slept over at your place more than he has in his own bed. But right now, in this moment, he just felt awful. Like he didn't deserve to be in such close proximity to you. How could he be deserving? He violated your privacy, made you feel like you weren't trusted, doubted your relationship.

These thoughts run through Jake's head as he stares up at your ceiling fan, wishing he could turn back time to a few hours ago, before he checked your phone, before he let his insecurities get to the best of him.

You can feel the dip he makes in the bed behind you when he gets in. Of course you're not asleep. There's no way sleep could reach you when you had the recent events constantly replaying in your head like a broken record.

You knew Jake with all your heart. You didn't have to look at him to know he was probably laying there, hurt, staring up at the ceiling, drafting what to say once you wake up—or once he knows you're actually still awake.

You decide to break the tension by turning to lay on your other side, facing him.

You were wrong. Thanks to the little sliver of moonlight shining through your sheer curtains, you can see him, now laying on his side, already looking at you with so much regret in his eyes. You can almost hear the cracks in your heart physically forming.

His eyes widen when he realizes you're still awake. He opens his mouth to say something, but not before you quickly shift over to his side of the bed and embrace him in a tight hold, burying your face into his chest. Without any hesitation, he returns the gesture, arms holding your body as close to him as possible. As if once he let go, he'd lose you forever.

He lets out a sigh of relief as he breathes you in. He didn't even know he was holding his breath all this time.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry Y/N," he mutters into your hair. He feels his hoodie getting wet from where you buried your face. He pulls you closer, if that's even possible, feeling his own eyes heating up with sadness. He would never forgive himself for making you feel this way.

"You know I trust you right? Please know that. I shouldn't have assumed the worst when I saw your phone. I...I let my insecurities get to the best of me."

You move your head from its home on his chest to look up at him, as if asking him to elaborate. This was new to you, you didn't know he held insecurities in your relationship. But it wasn't because of you, no, you were his entire world. Losing you meant losing everything.

Jake's never been the best at saying his feelings. That's why it took him so long (with the help of his six best friends) to finally confess how he felt about you. He was afraid of letting people in if they could easily walk out. Maybe that's why he never let anyone into his life before you. But oh, were you an exception. The second he met you, he knew he was fucked. But thank god he did, because thanks to you, he's been able to be more open, more vulnerable. He's able to talk to you about anything and everything. He doesn't have that same fear of losing people anymore, not when he has you in his life to reassure him every step of the way. But right now, in this moment, he doesn't know how to tell you that his new fear was, in fact, just losing you.

The sheer idea of you not being a part of his life anymore terrified him. 

"I hope you know you're never going to lose me Jake, if that's what you're insecure about," you softly mutter as you wrap your free arm that's not stuck in between both your bodies around him to gently play with the ends of his hair. It's as if you could read his mind, he loves that you know him so well.

"It just sucks that you could even think I would ever do something as awful as what you were assuming...with one of your closest friends nonetheless," you continue.

"I know. I know, and I feel terrible. I'm so sorry. I know you would never do anything remotely close to that, and I know you would never intentionally try to keep anything from me," he sighs. He shifts so he can lie down on his back, bringing you with him to lie on his chest, never letting you go once. "It's just...I just don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you Y/N. Everyday, I ask myself what heroic thing I must've done in my past life to deserve this life with you and I can't help but think you could just as easily be stripped away from me."

As much as your heart breaks listening to him rant, you feel your love for him grow even more. You knew how hard it was for him to put his true emotions into words, and him telling you this reminded you how much trust he had in you.

After some moments of silence, moments of him drawing random shapes onto your back, moments of you two just holding each other like it was the end of the world, you speak up.

"I love you. I'm sorry for making you doubt yourself—"

"No, it's not your fault, I can't help but think things like that. I just don't know what I did to deserve you, and I know that I need to be mo–"

"Babe let me finish," you say with a little giggle in your tone. He immediately stops and mutters a little "sorry". How cute, you tell yourself.

"I was gonna say," you look back up at him so you're making direct eye contact now. "You're the only one that's ever on my mind, Jake. I can't help the way you think, but I can assure you that there is no one else I would rather be with. And I mean that for the rest of life."

You snuggle back into the comfortable hoodie he's currently wearing (you make a mental note to yourself to steal it from him later) and decide to ease the tension,

"So you're stuck with me for life, sorry to inform you Mr. Sim."

Jake lets out a laugh, looking down at you to see you returning his smile with a cheeky one.

"I love you. So much," he says so sincerely, so genuinely, that you almost tear up again from how content you were. Now you were asking yourself, what did you do to deserve him?

Jake Sim is not a jealous person.

No, he just loves you.

A lot.

[jiminrings]

umm maybe this is me projecting bc i am messaging you during my break but for a drabble request, yoongi in a retail setting???? 😐😐😐😐 oc could either be a co-worker or a regular customer who asks too many questions 😔😌

retail-type beat

drabble week: day three

drabble week masterlist

pairing: customer!yoongi x retail worker!reader

wordcount: 3k

glimpse: "hi! almost thought you were hiding from me for a second. anyways, is this sweater wool or cotton?"

feedback + support mean the world to me!!

the last time you checked, work doesn’t start until nine

you kNEW it doesn’t start until 9 in the morning, so clearly that’s why you’re just wearing slides instead of your sneakers

the company uniform is either black or purple (it has to be from what the store is selling though so you can get to choose) with of course!!!! a lanyard!!!!

and you know this, because you’re still wearing your slides from home because it isn’t opening time yet

“goddamn it, i forgot to bring my slippers,” jin moans the moment he walks to see you, looking down on your feet that only reminds him he’d be stuck in his cool yet painfully uncomfy sneakers

he’s probably the only co-worker that you’re truly close with, not feeling the urge to sell him just to get a free day

“i told you to get the sneakers that nurses use!!”

hands-down one of the best purchases you’ve ever made

retail’s hard and it’s not exactly the best-paying job!!! thankfully the franchise owner is a bit more generous so that’s why you get slightly-higher hourly pay

“i would if they looked a little more seasoned,” jin snorts and stubbornly crosses his arms, “i might sacrifice my pride and buy some compression socks.”

OOOOOH THOSE ARE GOOD TOO

makes you feel like ur walking on air

but lol no seokjin isn’t ready to buy those just yet

he’ll settle on some blisters and putting salonpas patches because they look cooler that way, thank u very much <3

jin yawns, talking about finding a steam iron somewhere to replace a blowdryer so he could break in his shoes

“you wipe the glass this time.”

oh right he absolutely hates wiping down the glass — even before opening!!! even when there aren’t any grubby kids that would soil it instantly with their equally as grubby hands

you don’t mind it honestly

you might honestly like it

you prefer wiping the glass a hundred times over than steaming clothes

there is nOT a single thought in your head when you spray on the solution to the glass, rag and squeegee tucked between your fingers when-

maybe you should’ve hOLY FUCKING SHIT

it’s not opening!!!! it is nOT nine o’clock in the morning!!!!

you know that the shop you’re working in is pretty fucking famous and it’s located on one of the most populated streets ever BUT THERE’S ALREADY SOMEONE

although the bucket hat seems familiar from a distance and-

oh it’s just yoongi

yoongi?

yoongi’s already here????

:O

yoongi, the guy in question, is an always customer!!

no, not a regular customer — an always customer

he comes every week and maybe even twice within that period

he’s a nice talkative customer who likes asking questions and even occasionally guides the other customers on what to buy and where to find it

he’s yoongi!!! of course that’s expected of him

he’s been going here long since you ever started working here, and jin keeps iNSISTING that he’s been here more frequently since you started like a year ago

but doesn’t he come at eleven in the morning?

“woah, yoongi’s already here? — doesn’t he come at eleven in the morning?”

?!!?!!

“i was just thinking the exact same thing.”

jin bangs the glass with his fist and you automatically wince and frown

you dO like cleaning the glass panes!! you didn’t say you liked cleaning them a second time :(

“YOONGI!”

“YES??”

you push jin’s fist away to wipe at the smudge his hand left

“IT’S NOT OPENING YET!”

“I KNOW!!”

wow they’re uh

they’re really loud

sometimes you forget how seokjin could be since it’s been awhile since you heard him yell

lol no one’s been shoplifting recently so you haven’t been hearing him

a mind-blowing idea is for jin to come outside and talk to him in a normal talking voice, so your ears would stop ringing

“HEY! WHAT IF YOU JUST ENTER EARLY IN?”

“REALLY? IS THAT EVEN ALLOWED??”

"YOONGI, EVERYONE ON THE FLOOR KNOWS YOUR NAME. NAMJOON EVEN GAVE YOU A CUSTOMARY BIRTHDAY GIFT, AND WE DON'T GIVE CUSTOMARY BIRTHDAY GIFTS TO ANY OTHER CUSTOMER!!"

namjoon, who technically should be called mr. kim because no one really thinks to call the franchise owner with their government first name, is actually pretty cool

but he's too busy these days and haven't been visiting because he's too busy tending to his newly-opened coffee shop

as if the money he earns from opening his franchise in a day alone isn’t enough :0

"IF YOU SAY SO?"

you’re the one who hikes up the roll-up door in the slightest, enough for only yoongi to enter and not encourage anyone else to nOT enter when it’s still not opening time!!!!

he only has to crouch a little but he still has to dust his thousand-dollar pants as if he crawled through mud

his cream-colored slacks with a large black hoodie that has a giant bear embroidered on the middle of it and mules

... you don't hate his outfits

pretty cute, actually

it's yoongi!!

you'd never catch him lacking!!!

you don't even have to envision him rocking the shit out a paper bag

one time, he came in the store wearing the WRINKLIEST brown linen jumpsuit that no iron could possibly fix and he still pulled it off

toon-teen-ten!

oh god that’s the sound of the intercom

and the sound of the intercom equates to jungkook

... as in jeon jungkook who’s the floor manager and his constant top one goal for every month is to endearingly annoy seokjin

he’s young and mischievous!! but if you were to ask him, only you and jungkook are the people in this floor he’d actually get drinks with outside the shop

“seokjin come to the lingerie department right now, please.”

you see the thing is :D

“now this is just funny

there’s walkie-talkies for everyone here!! jungkook likes intercoms, and seokjin like yelling!!

“WHY ME AGAIN?? I’VE ALREADY FOLDED-“

“there’s a literal rat and i need yOU to catch it!! you know that i hate rodents!!”

him and jungkook are forever gonna be on this eldest-youngest brother dynamic and while jungkook pouts and shared the extras that he gets, jin is the one who kills the bugs :D

10/10 totally fair

fine then!! he’ll catch that goddamn rat

that leaves you and yoongi. alone.

“why did you come so early this time?”

you ask out of courtesy, genuinely baffled too because you know that yoongi’s a creature of habit

yoongi’s eyes pop out, head fervently shaking no

“i’m typically not the type to do that, no.”

???

is he-

are you-

are you both talking about the same thing

yoongi’s face flushes in embarrassment, his mind just then registering what you were actually saying

“o-oh! it’s because last night, i dreamt of the sweater i saw here last week!!"

oh right

typical :D

"need me to find it for you or do you already know the aisle?"

you align the folded shirts by the corners as you pass, looking at yoongi briefly while he trails behind yoh

“not unless you pulled it out already."

he's hoping that dear god you haven't

the black sweater with the moon aND buildings on it and when you turn on the flash, the windows of said building reflect it right back???

he SHUDDERS just by thinking about it

it’s gonna go with everything!!! an instant boost of serotonin every time he sees it

"for you, yoongi?" you shake your head, a small smile on your face that he only sees every once in a while, "i'd comb through the entire stock room."

wait

that’s sweet :((

“i’ll hold you to that.”

you know what??? you're less cranky when it's only him, and a couple of hundred people less

your smiles aren't for customer-service and you don't have misplaced clothes hanging from your shoulders and your walkie-talkie isn't talking in latin

or when no one’s asking you to reach something from the top shelf

or when you’re on the way to the intercom because a kid got separated from their mother

or when someone’s approaching for a refund for a shirt who has a stain that’s 100% no doubt customer error

his feet immediately move on its own because he’s memorized the outline of this too many times

there it is!!!

the sweater he’s dreamt about is already on his hands, only a handful few left

the piece is considerably more expensive than majority of the items here, so that’s why they’re all spaced-out instead of being clustered altogether

yoongi rarely goes to the dressing room, regardless if it's a full-house or not!!

he could just look at an item and immediately tell that it’s made for him ta know

he's beyond sure that this sweater fits him perfectly, but he may want to be here a little longer

yoongi may have say inside one of the fitting rooms and spent a little time in it just to sit on the chair inside, not fitting the sweater at all

he's gotten his item SO quick and he wished he could've just walked slower or pretended to not know where it was!!!

he wants to spend a little more time here

you don't hate yoongi!!! but sometimes he could just be... yoongi

he's quite talkative and strikes it whenever, making you unguarded

he could be overbearing but like an overbearing kind of nice

yoongi’s nice!! he’s the type to ask a lot of questions sure, but he’s also the type that would point the other customers what to buy and where to find it

he’s the type to find an obvious faulty stitch on a shirt, but he’d just quietly exchange it instead of asking for the manager

he’s the type you wouldn’t want to stand behind in line because it would take a long time for him to finish, but he’s also the same one who buys giftcards with generous amounts for family and friends

yoongi’s kind of cool and that’s cemented on your mind

"what do you got for me?"

he materializes out of nowhere, spooked because you thought he already ringed up and was out of the store already

it just happens to be ten minutes before opening and you’re doing last-minute arrangements on a new spread

well, yoongi most certainly is still here and his attention’s piqued

“we have... a new collection."

you clear your theory, awkwardly gesturing because you’re more than aware that yoongi hasn’t seen this either

“yeah, i know that. but like, what's going on??" he gestures to the displays and racks, squinting his eyes, "what's the theme? what's the material?"

:O

uhm you haven't read the brief about this

you aren't even sURE if there is one!!

doesn't everyone make up something on the spot in retail

or atleast that’s what seokjin tells you

“the theme," you clear your throat, scratching your temple before gesturing towards the full rack, "is everything."

“everything?

yoongi’s eyebrow is raised, not expecting that answer at all

you look back to the new feature, and nOW that you think about it,, there's no cohesion at all

“y-yes. the shop was going for the theme of uhm, everything... all at once — yeah, that's it. everything all at once."

it’s a nice way to put it when not one bit of the new collection goes together

“hmmmm. i like it,” yoongi nods solemnly and tilts his head, “and the material?"

"the material?"

you repeat, eyesight not the best so you can’t really tell anything off the bat or uh aNYTHING really

"t-the material is shirt."

they're all shirts!!! that’s it

yoongi grimaces in disgust, the first time you’ve seen of it

“what?? you can't say that.”

he outsretches his hand to the nearest article, holding it up by the hanger

"this, right here, is satin. see how it shines like silk, but doesn't feel like silk?"

uhm yes

you have a gist of what he’s saying but yes

yoongi picks up a pink button shirt this time, flipping it inside out

"this, is silk charmeuse. look at the inside, is it smooth?"

okay where is he going with this

he urges you to put your hand on the fabric and uhhh you didn't sign up for this???

it looks smooth, sure!! end of discussion

"yea-..."

“it's not. it's rough. it is smooth, but it's dull. silk charmeuse is still silk, but the backing it has is different from the lustrous part."

okay yoongi

you’re starting to feel uncomfortable and it has to do something with the tone he’s using on you

“can't believe you didn't know that!! how about this," he plucks out a shirt with a tiny print at the middle of it, "cotton or polyester and rayon?"

"i don't-"

there’s an itch in your neck that you want to scratch, a tell-tale sign that you just wANT to remove yourself from this situation

“come on!! it's a dead giveaway!!"

:((

why is he being like this?

toon-teen-ten!

“y/n, panty section please. jin almost got bit by a mouse and he needs comforting. two minutes until opening, people!!"

jungkook speaks at the right moment, and jin’s little incident is enough of a reason for you to bolt

yoongi's still looking at you but you can't afford to embarrass yourself further

“bye. happy shopping."

huh?

yoongi’s face falls when you leave as cold as that!! typically when you were going to show him out (when it’s regular shop hours), there’d be a smile :((

there's not even a customer service smile :(((

yoongi goes to the only cashier that's open so far and it happens to be far away from you and a teary seokjin

seokjin's fine he didn't even get bit!! that much he could say

but are you okay? uhhh you kinda went cold on him by the end and he thought he started on a good note

yoongi doesn't visit for another week and you don't find yourself counting the days until you meet him again

you did not have a devil wears prada moment where anne hathaway has an epiphany for fashion knowledge

you just felt belittled at a job that isn’t exactly what you wanted anyways

needed, yes. but wanted? not exactly

you know that basic knowledge about clothes is required in a retail job like this and you have it!! you do!!!!

you’d know more if only there were actual available resources for employees to know!!! nobody besides yoongi asks anyways

you’d know if you have time to yourself and aren’t working two jobs trying to make ends meet and tHEN you could pull up a book or something!!!

you’d know if your life is as lax as yoongi’s and could have the budget to buy new things for yourself every single week

“jin, i need to ask you something.”

he hums as called, looking at you briefly until you get on with it

“do you know the difference between silk and silk charmeuse?"

he shrugs casually while you're sitting inside one of the closed-off fitting rooms to catch a break, sharing a burger because the store’s packed-packed

why did you ask him? it’s too easy

“one's made by worms, and the other's a pokémon."

that,.,., could not possibly be righti* it brings you a laugh and you honestly don’t even try to correct him

it’s 11:15 and you kNOW it’s time to resume your shift, straightening your shirt because atleast one (1) person would hound you when they see a familiar red lanyard

oh you’re hounded alright

“hi! almost thought you were hiding from me for a second.”

yoongi????

oh

you haven’t seen him for a week and you don’t know what to feel in all honesty

"anyways, is this sweater wool or cotton?"

wow

you're quite speechless as he holds up the item

really?

this thing all over again???

why are you even surprised

the only thing that yoongi gets your customer service smile, fishing your hand from inside the sweater to show him

“70% wool."

that's it???

NO GOOD MORNING????

you're mad at him, aren't you?

he knew it :((

he knew something was wrong but he just didn’t know what

he’s gonna fix this!! he will

which is why the very next day, he takes the day off from his work and comes to the store at a time he knows you’d surely be there

you're on cashier duty and you like it actually :D

you have an option to sit and the way you’re just gonna scan pricetags (and occasionally enter the code if it doesn’t work) is really appealing

“good morning!"

you’re about to grab the items from the basket laid on the counter and your eyes could only see the very familiar hand

the same one you’ve seen go through racks and racks

yoongi??

he sets his items one by one, buying himself more time

the first one is the same exact sweater he came to wait for before opening

“you already bought this."

you tell him even before you could hold it back, looking back at him briefly before you scan the tag

“i know. i just wanted to see you."

oh

oh

yoongi threw a bunch of other items (individually) so it would be a longer talk, but you scan each item quickly that he’s grabbing things from the counter

hand sanitizer!!! hair ties!!! keychains!!!! yeah he needs them

“i'm sorry that i tend to spring shit on you most of the time. you don't need to know the difference between silk and silk charmeuse."

you only chuckle then, a meek smile on your face

"it's okay, yoongi.”

“it's not."

... it’s not?

yoongi fidgets, opening and closing his mouth like he’s nervous!!! he’s never had his credit card cancelled but he could only feel that this type of jitterness is more than the former

“can i make it up to you? no lanyards, no baskets, no customer service?? i don't wanna fuck things up with you."

“don't feel obligated-"

“i know i could be a condescending ass who expects people to automatically know fabric and whatnot, but i wanna make it up to you."

alright yoongi’s a really good apology-maker

you mIGHT be even flustered a little

“you're holding the line, yoongi.”

“i cleared my schedule."

“i haven’t!!!!!” - guy in the back

“dinner at my place at 8. i-i promise to make your hard-earned break after your shift worthwhile!!!"

hmmm

maybe that wouldn’t hurt

“okay. just because you're holding the line."

“fine by me."

:))

yoongi transfers all the items he bought, all but one, to his tote bag

he hands back the paper bag to you, scribbling his address on the back of the receipt before he does

he lingers a little while at the counter, the people behind him ALREADY switching lanes to the one seokjin’s just opened beside you

it's the sweater that he has too

yoongi scratches the back of his head, this time being the meek one

“what? m-matching sweaters for our first date. s'cute."

[dameronology]

all love {steve rogers}

summary: you had a lot to say to steve rogers after he left. finally, you get your chance. 

warnings: angst, mentions of death

believe it or not, this version is actually the one with the happier ending than all the other ideas i had. so pls don’t hate me, bc this ain’t fluff :) 

- jazz xx

Steve Rogers was a complicated man.

You knew that. You could see it in his eyes because you were just as complicated too. It was a blessing and a curse, really; it meant that you understood him just as much as you didn’t; sympathised with him just as much as you struggled. His emotions were clear as day and somehow, still twisted and unintelligible like a tangle of rainclouds in the middle of a stormy night. The history behind his blue eyes was long and confusing and it was unfair to expect you to decipher it when Steve could barely do it himself. He’d lived about a thousand lifetimes in the span of time that most people lived one - so you gave in on understanding, and chose to just love him instead.

It was easier that way, to just take it day by day and unpack his baggage as the super soldier saw fit. Sometimes it was hours and hours of talking; long and late nights, filled with tired eyes and the smell of caffeine. Stolen glances met with soft giggles and recounts of the war, the good times and the bad. Other times, it was more twisted. Deeper and darker. Strangled screams and cries lost to the night, large hands reaching for the gun under his pillow that posed the question of how fucking long has that been there, Steve? 

In time, the good was worth the bad. You must had the patience of a fucking saint, because Steve finally stopped mourning for the past and began to look to the future. You hadn’t made solid plans -- that was foolish in your line of work. Between fighting aliens and robots, you were both blessed to have even made it this far. So, the day by day method worked in that sense too, and any big plans always became maybe. Maybe we’ll have kids one. Maybe we’ll move out of Brooklyn and to the suburbs. Maybe we’ll find a nice house with a picket fence and a garden big enough for Bucky to run around in. 

What you had was beautiful, in the most complicated way. Because Steve Rogers was a perplexing man, but before that, he was kind and funny and sweet. He looked after you and you looked after him. Wrote you letters on long missions and left little notes for everyday that he was away. Sent you the dumbest good morning texts and the sweetest good night ones. For every emotional pitfall that you found yourselves in, Steve would turn up with a rope, even if he’d been the one to dig the hole in the first place. 

It went more than just skin deep, twisting your souls together in some kind of emotional vortex that you wouldn’t have thought to be true had you not witnessed alien invasions and everything that followed. In fact, it was the everything that followed that you pushed you together even more - because it was the blip that had made you and Steve realised fucking important what you had was. 

Those had been desperate moments. Painful, desperate moments. One minute, you’d been watching Wanda Maximoff cry out in pain for her lost love, and then she was gone. So was Bucky. And T’Challa. And Stephen Strange. In mere seconds; so quickly that your brain couldn’t even comprehend what was going on. It was as though somebody had turned your brain off for a few seconds - and when it rebooted, all you could think about was Steve. 

You didn’t remember much from the seconds that followed, other than the burning in your lungs from how impossibly fast you had run, and how soar your throat was from screaming out his name. Then your bodies had collided with a thud, and you’d been met with a solid chest. Warm arms and big hands, that were completely and entirely there and not being dusted away. You’d never clung onto him so tightly, barely able to breath from how hard reality had just hit you. But he held onto you, and kept you standing - a metaphor which would stick to the next five years in the most bittersweet way. 

The first few months were hard. Hard to stomach, hard to accept, hard to mourn. Everyone was floating around one another, still struggling to truly get over the fact that for once, the Avengers hadn’t won. You hadn’t gotten cocky, but after the Chitauri, and after Ultron, you had become hopeful. Nobody could blame you. Hope was all you’d had, really. 

You found a routine. Steve found a reason to live in you, and you’d found an inkling of ambition in him. After a few months in the Compound, you’d gone back to your apartment in Manhattan. You’d never been more grateful to have it -- because when the entire world had changed around you, at least one thing was still the same. You could shut the door and lock it behind you, just existing as you always had in those four walls. The rest of the world didn’t matter, because it just you, and it was Steve, and that was the world. It was your world, and it was his. 

After everything becoming so unpredictable, the stability that his presence brought was everything you needed. It cemented your need for one another - your love for another. 

But unpredictably has a funny way of working, doesn’t it? 

Never in a million years would you have imagined that the thing brought you closer would have been the thing to tear you apart. That restoring the world back to the state you’d longed for would bring an end to the only thing you thought was certain. You’d calculated every outcome of reversing the blip, thought about every way that it was everything you’d ever wanted. Finally, everything you’d lost would come back, and you and Steve could live as you always wanted. In the world you wanted. 

But he wasn’t there. 

One possibility you hadn’t considered was that Steve would have access to the time stone. You were both getting back to the world’s your mourned for, but they weren’t the same. You’d only been mourning the last five years, whilst Steve had been mourning the last seven decades. Somewhere along the long, you’d convinced yourself that the little bubble you’d built for yourselves was enough to cushion that. That your relationship, and your love, was enough compensation for the fact he’d lost everything. 

Because Steve was good with words, but not quite enough to express to you how truly out of time he’d been. You saw the way his eyes glazed over when he spoke of the forties, but you couldn’t feel the pain in his chest when he heard an old record. You couldn’t fathom the suffocation he felt every time he saw pictures of his lost friends, or the weight on his chest that losing Peggy Carter had given him. It had alleviated slightly when he met you, but truthfully speaking, Steve Rogers hadn’t taken a deep breath since the final moments before his plane hit the ice in 1945. 

The pain you felt when you realised that he’d well and truly left you for his old life was minute compared to what he’d been feeling since he woke up all those years ago. It didn’t matter, because pain was pain regardless. His relief didn’t negate your suffering. And, if you’d ever been wondering what you would have felt if you had lost Steve in the blip, you needn’t had looked any further. This was worst than him dying. This was worst than him slipping away with millions of others, because he’d chosen to do it. He’d thought about you, and everything you’d tried to give him, and he’d decided it wasn’t enough. 

You didn’t get it at first. Couldn’t sympathise with his situation - but let’s face it. Who the fuck could? It wasn’t like there was a WikiHow article on how to get over the love of your life time travelling back to the 1940s and leaving you in ruins. For the first time since you’d met Steve all those years ago, you were forced to process all your emotional trauma on your own. To stand on your own two feet without his broad arms supporting you in the way they had on the battlefield in Wakanda. 

It took time. You processed it with time. Drank a lot, cried a lot, screamed a lot. Found solace in your friendships with Bucky and Sam; even if they’d been a little much at first, forcing you to share the payload of your pain with them had helped. At times, it was like going to group therapy with Spongebob and Patrick, but you held them close to your heart. You learnt to find joy and appreciation in other things, and to tune out Steve, and the mention of his name.

That was until March 2021, almost two years to the day that he had left you standing on the lakeside in the Compound. You’d been driving home from work and his name had been mentioned on the radio - Captain America, former war hero and super soldier, has died aged 103. 

It didn’t sting too much. You’d mourned Steve Rogers a long time ago - at least the version of him that you knew.  It made your chest hurt a little that he was truly and completely gone, and that you would never have a chance to talk to him. You’d toyed with the idea of going to visit him in his old age. Part of you wanted to know if he remembered you, even if for him, everything you’d had together had been decades ago. Even though you’d existed together in the future, your life together was cemented entirely in the past the minute you’d went back. Decades had passed before you existed at the same time again, and you wondered if time had been enough for him to forget. Two years for you had been seventy for him. It was thought that had made you shy away from ever talking to him, because you didn’t want to know. You were scared of the answer. 

Maybe that was why you were only seeing him now; on a rainy day, when the man you’d once loved was six feet under and surrounded by a ridiculous headstone you knew he would hate. The air around you was cool, sky tinged grey and a few droplets splashing against the grey stone, making it turn a slightly darker shade. There were no tears; just a deep sigh, and an awkward shuffle as you wriggled your toes in your boots and thought about what the fuck you wanted to say. 

‘Hey, Cap.’ You murmured. ‘Can I call you that? I used to call you babe. No, I don’t know why I said that. That’s fucking weird. Like this whole situation, because somehow, even though I’ve dealt with aliens and gods, saying goodbye to you is one I was never truly prepared for.’ 

Your eyes fell to the floor, and you continued. ‘You suck, Steve Rogers. You really fucking suck. You know that, right? That it’s a dick move to go back to your old life without even leaving a note? Or a text? Heck, I would have been happy if you spelt it out on the fridge in magnets.’ 

‘It’s okay, though.’ You smiled. ‘I’m not mad anymore. Okay, maybe I am a little, but not as I used to be. I understand why you did it, but I also get that I’ll never understand at all. I’ll never get how existing in a time that wasn’t yours felt, or how out of place you must have been in a world seventy years ahead of what you knew.’

‘And I’m sorry, I guess. Sorry that I didn’t try harder, but also sorry that whatever I tried to give you wasn’t enough to make up for what you’d lost.’ You sniffed. ‘This is where you’d tell me to shut up and stop being so hard on myself. So I will, because we’re both at peace now and that’s the most important thing.’

There were a few tears then; not for the man beneath you, but for the man that had left you. When all the anger subsided, you realised that above all, you just missed him. You missed the late night conversations when you couldn’t sleep, and you missed how warm he felt beside you when you did finally drift off. You missed the way he laughed at your driving skills and the way he would eat your side salad because you hated it. You longed to his hear his singing in the shower in the morning, and to squeal at him for pressing his cold feet to your back to wake you up. 

‘Above all, Steve Rogers, I’m just grateful I had you, even for a few years.’ You took a deep breath. ‘The pain I felt when you left was unbearable, but it wasn’t permanent. The memories you gave me, and the love I felt for you? That’s gonna stay with me forever.’ 

You wiped away a few tears, smiling to yourself when the clouds above you cleared slightly. The grey ones that had been lingering all morning had shifted slightly, allowing for the sunlight to peak through and cast a glow over your surroundings. Tiny, dewy raindrops lingered on the grass, enveloping the world around you in the smell of petrichor and relief. You’d never believed in fate, or the afterlife, or messages from the underworld, but that? You hadn’t felt a rush like that the last time you woke up beside him.

‘So, thanks I guess.’ You glanced up at the sky, blinking under the bright sun. ‘And rest easy, Cap.’