#It's a very quirky song and the lyrics seem very random

[plutonianeris]

ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴀ ᴄᴀʀᴅ: accepting where people see you as the villain ⛓𓌹*♰*𓌺⛓

this is a general reading & for entertainment purposes only, take what resonates and leave what doesn't. scroll through the images & choose based on your inner guidance and gut feeling. 🖤

♱☾pile one☽

sometimes it feels like you can never win because one way or another, theres always someone criticizing you. People are nervous around you and its not necessarily anything you do. I got a lot of scorpio and plutonian energy in my cards/ the oracles. People in your daily life make you seem like the villain because either 1) you don't share too much of you and they are craving for access or 2) you are equally as suspicious of them. Regardless, people can be kind of intimidated of you (but never publically admit it, more like hide it behind shady comments). lol the lyrics of the song playing right now in the background "make everyone hate me if that makes you feel better, your girl talks shit about me just to feel better" as you keep climbing up in your career/ reputation youre going to feel like a lot of more people are judging you. Accept that you cant control that. And if it makes you feel any better, it is envy/ hate but its to hide some jealousy and even some admiration as well.

♡‧₊˚🕸 TIP JAR ‹𝟹 ∙ 🕷

♱☾pile two☽

I heard "theres just no way in hell that this is all on me" the people you live with/ family (and in your hometown) could see you as the villain in those moments you are trying to express your emotions. You could get called being too "emotional" I heard "crybaby" or maybe even being called a hothead & impulsive when you try to talk to your loved ones about how you feel. You could be known for having a short temper or being very emotional (like the type to cry after seeing someone in pain or reading a sad news article). In reality, people close to you can get irritated with how emotionally intelligent you are. When you're angry/ upset about something your'e always determined to do something about it, and you start off by allowing yourself to feel your feelings. Accept that some people dont want to make room for you needs/ emotions. But then know when its time to refuse to give people more access to your energy and make sure you are meeting ur own needs. I just heard "I am worth more than these poor experiences you are trying to give to me"

♡‧₊˚🕸 TIP JAR ‹𝟹 ∙ 🕷

♱☾pile three☽

you could find that people in your neighborhood, apartment complex, or even the school you go to tend to turn you into the villain on the forms you communicate/ ask questions/ express yourself intellectual point of view. If you have siblings you could find that you get into frequent fights or bicker a lot. Youre eager to learn new things and that could throw other people off as you rush past them, ready to know more about the world. this pile reminds me of a curious child lol touching the "dont touch" sign. Out of all the piles this one feels more playful. Its like people suck their teeth and roll their eyes but youre so resilient. you bounce back in a way that feels so efortless that they dont stay too mad. its like even the people that see you as "the villian" at times are still secretly rooting for you? idk lol this pile was weird but also kind of endearing. Again, it reminds me of the way a child falls and quickly gets back up. Even if people judge you, you know that you have to keep it pushing. I just heard "in 5 years... shit, in 5 weeks none of this bs is gonna matter"

♡‧₊˚🕸 TIP JAR ‹𝟹 ∙ 🕷

♱☾pile four☽

people you get into close relationships with (friends, but especially lovers or even your crushes) can make you the villain for your "eccentricity." this pile gave off big Aquarius energty (it reminds me of those with aspects between venus and uranus). lol like your beauty and ways of being are very unique or quirky. honestly, those qualities (your forms of dress, taste in music, the weird things you say, random facts u know) are actually what makes people interested in you and start crushing on you. but then at the same time they judge you for not conforming to societal norms. It's like "I think you are unique and brave, but god cant you just be normal sometimes?" thats annoying! My advice to you is don't EVER let people treat you as if spending time with you was a burden and don't let people pick and choose when to hang out with you. watch out for when you have big groups of friends, you could find that 1 or 2 could be hating behind your back. You always stand out in the crowd and sometimes that leaves insecure people with a sour taste in their mouth. You could be someone that has a different religion/ ethnicity/ background in comparison from the rest of your peers (whether it be at school or work). lol alien superstar is playing in the background rn "don't ever waste your time trying to compete with me... no one else in this world can think like me'

♡‧₊˚🕸 TIP JAR ‹𝟹 ∙ 🕷

© plutonianeris🕸️🕷️

[elementalalien27]

My MCR5 theory from like July when The Paper Kingdom leak happened

I wrote this when I was half asleep so PLEASE don’t take ANY of this seriously man this is the oddest thing I’ve ever wrote-

~~~

I highlighted and bolded some key information for the fellow skimmers. Also I tried to fix my grammer 4 the most part in this post bcuz this is REAL important.

Firstly, this leak is all so random. I mean, Excalibur has been posting (and I quote;) “leaks” for years now, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually had the songs and kept it for himself or (ALLEGEDLY) sold them for money. But no source seems to claim that he actually had the full tracks.

Perhaps he just had those clips he posted to lead everyone on? I’m not too sure. But, if he were to upload the full track “Witch”, he would’ve surely done it under his name, judging by how self respecting this guy seems.

Sadly I didn’t find any info on this ATTAM guy yet, so I’m completely clueless there. My bad. If you know anything about this ATTAM figure (whom I remember hearing only a bit about) that may be important to this theory, plz message me and I'll update this or post something new.

The second thing I have is with the uploader, ReasonableRadish5791. That username is quirky; it’s as if Gerard came up with it. And it’s not like Gerard doesn’t know how to use Reddit, he’s used it multiple times over the past decade for QNA and all that razzmatazz.

And I know, you’re probably like “Asher, why the fuck are you accusing this random stranger on the internet to be Gerard??”, but hear me out.

After stalking their account (I’m sorry btw), I found out that this account was made on July 1st, which was three days before the leak. Isn’t that weird?? It seems like this whole account was made on a whim with the sole purpose of uploading this unreleased / deleted track somewhere it wouldn’t get copyrighted down.

That’s so incredibly odd.. the fact that they seem to know the lyrics too drives me insane. Also, the only other things they’ve done on this account (so far) was post like two things about Hesitant Alien's unseen merch maybe two or so days before they leaked the track, I don’t even know - but then how would they have those too?? They have to have at least SOME relation to Gerard.

That means whoever this person is, is trying to seem less suspicious by having posted two things before the big leak.

That leaves me to further believe that this is one of the members; most likely Frank or Gerard.

Frank because he’s a little gremlin, that dude is literally on the FBI watchlist for Christ’s sake. And Gerard because he confirmed knows how to use Reddit and that witty username, along with the Hesitant Alien posts. Or it could be Frank going undercover as Gerard? Or perhaps them together, knowing how Frank is (I’d assume) staying over at G’s as of right now? The possibilities are endless, as of right now.

The third this is that if it actually WAS some random dude on the internet who somehow managed to get this leak in this scenario, wouldn’t they’ve cleared all this suspicion up already?? You know, like “*so and so* gave me this link and I decided to make this account and upload it bcuz I find this very interesting and Warner is really keen on taking it down on every other sharing platform so Reddit is my final hope to share this neat thing I got my hands on with all you guys” or something like that? They could’ve just done that and as I said earlier, straight up cleared things up.

But they didn’t.

We don’t know this guy. That fact interests me the most. Who is behind that screen? How do they have this access? Who truly are they??? It’s driving me absolutely insane.

And lets say this little teenage piece of emo trash’s theory is somehow correct, what would be the purpose of this leak? This is a deleted album from over a decade ago that all the band members agreed to feeling uncomfortable with the topic, and came to terms of scrapping it for good. Why bring it up again? There’s only one knowledgeable explanation; MCR5.

The band wants - no, NEEDS - to catch our attention in some way, shape, or form. What better way is that then to randomly post songs that weren’t fortunate enough to see the light of day under a secret identity? It all makes sense if you think about it.

They will - and have - successfully catch our attention with those leaks, all as a plan to suddenly (when the time is right) release new songs and most importantly, the long awaited fifth album! And following my later 2 year theory, I wouldn’t be too surprised. Though, I’m honestly shocked that all this is happening, as nothing as big as this happened in 2023. I mean, I didn’t have Tumblr at the time so idk if I missed anything (I probably did but still), but I’m almost 100% certain that this is the biggest thing that happened in the MCRmy since Foundations, Cheerleader Gerard, WWWY 2024, and (I know this isn’t that important but it’s still important) the L.S. Dunes AI drama.

But back to MCR5, all what I know right now is that Mikey is in LA and so is Frank (I dunno about Ray since he’s very private on Social media and I didn’t check yet- 😭), Mikey liked one of Bex’s videos about MCR5 on Insta, Mikey is back in the studio, Frank is presumably chilling at G’s house, Rich G clearly knows something that we don’t, and so does the drummer (I forgot his name sorryyyyy-), Frankie’s fortune cookies post, and probably some more - it’s safe to say that something is definitely up; and my Emo Senses are tingling at an all time high. All of this is heightening my suspicion, it’s kinda starting to make sense in my head.

The fact that the band hasn't yet made a message responding to the situation yet is also oddly suspicious. I kid you not, this leak may actually go into MCR history, and (assuming it's a scandal that they had nothing to do with) they don't say anything?

They would've definitely said something if this wasn't their doing, judging by all the attention it's gathering online.

Now, I don’t really consider myself a full ass MCR CONSPIRACIST, I’m not pulling up the tinfoil hats or anything - and I don’t ever plan to since I’m just doing this bcuz I’m bored - but you have to be honest with me. Something is certainly fishy. Something is happening behind the scenes, and as the secretive and cryptic dorks they are, they’re not letting us know anything. It's up to the chosen Killjoys to crack the codes.

But reminder, I could also be wrong. That ReasonableRadish5791 character could actually be some random dude just chilling on the internet. I could just be overanalysing like the little autistic geek I am. But this seems all too related to be just some random instance.. all of Excalibur’s stuff has watermarks; how is it though that this one suddenly doesn’t? Again, all too coincidental and somewhat staged to be brushed off as some random leak..

If you’re still here, thank you for listening to this little emo teen currently on summer break rant about something as stupid as MCR5 at fucking 12am. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments or message me if you find out anything new.

Thank you :]

~~~

Okay here it is 😭 I am a changed person I will take this down later plz don’t hold this against me

[wartorns]

–— ����𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐘 𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐒 : introduction.

BASICS CHARACTER NAME 　:　tracey  davis  AGE + BIRTHDAY + ZODIAC 　:　 twenty - three,  aug  24,  virgo GENDER + PRONOUNS 　:　 nonbinary + she / they SEXUAL ORIENTATION 　:　 pansexual TRAITS: perceptive, sympathetic, critical, evasive, individualistic  SPECIALIZATION 　:　 healing YEAR 　:　 third HOUSE 　:　 slytherin STUDENT ACTIVITIES 　:　 chaser ( slytherin team) ,  herbology  club,  quidditch club PETS / FAMILIARS 　:　 a turtle ( name tbd )  BLOOD STATUS 　:　 halfblood  WAND 　:　 tbd PATRONUS (IF APPLICABLE) 　:　 non - corporeal BOGGART 　:　 their mother, at the other end of their wand, afraid 

ABOUT

grew up as a muggle - raised by their mother, a young nurse, in a small town just outside of london. they received an owl from an anonymous man claiming to be their father, giving them a heads up that a letter from thiudreiks might arrive. it’s the only communication tracey or their mum ever received from him. 

the letter still came as a shock, neither of them having any understanding of the world that was offered to tracey. it was clear right off the bat that they didn’t entirely belong -and muggles weren’t considered in a very high regard. wanting desperate to fit in, tracey tried to find their place. never mentioning the muggle town they grew up in, or the muggle mum they left behind. little white lies ! from a kid who wanted to fit in ! it gets out of hand, as most little white lies do, and they had to go with it. 

summers home are...odd. the dynamic has changed quickly, once tied to the hip with their mum, there’s a distance they can’t seem to cross. her mom is a bit afraid, though doesn’t admit to it, and tracey feels strange acting like a muggle. just before tracey goes off to aurelius, their mum admits that she’s found someone else and they’re having a baby. a ‘normal’ muggle family. it’s a cut that still hasn’t healed. 

tracey’s initial interests in the magical world stay true - herbology, quidditch & healing. is now specializing in healing, playing as a chaser for the slytherin team & is in the herbology club. 

the scary & weird events around town have caused random, mysterious letters to appear !! from someone who claims to be their father. tracey doesn’t do much to the letters - sometimes they remain unopened in her trunk, sometimes they light it on fire. no response has been given yet but the sudden concerned act is more annoying than anything else.

a bit quirky ! a bit odd ! wants to fit in but always finds that it’s more difficult than they’d like it to be. a true and loyal friend, tho likely takes a while for them to feel that way. one of those people where they know everything about you and you feel really close to them ! and then realize you’ve never met their family, don’t rmr specific info, and don’t really know them ?? 

WANTED CONNECTIONS

friends  :  best friends, someone who knows their Muggle background, confidants, smoking friends, party friends, adventure friends

rivals : quidditch rivals, ex friends, ex lovers etc, rly anyone who they don’t get along with !! angst ! 

romance : will-they/won’t they, ex hookups, current hookups, first loves, lets find a song with lyrics that’ll crush us ! 

other : ive rly got no thoughts on who her dad is but maybe it’s a relative to someone ?? could be pureblood or halfblood or whatever. people who also hang in the herbology green houses, not exactly friends but a respect is there for some reason, good influence, bad influence 

smooches for u & any plots u want !! 

and a pinterest bc i am addicted ! and what of it !  

[sisididis]

@electric-onion tagged me to post my top 4 Spotify tracks (I don’t use Spotify so I hope it’s ok if I share my 4 most-listened-to songs.)

Here they are : )

I’m tagging @friendlyneighbourhoodromanian @no-passaran and @bunny-banana 🥰

[tmnt-tychou]

Was thinking about head canons and wrote down a list of random thoughts.

Bayverse Random Quirky Head Canons:

Mikey

-Likes to watch cooking shows. Every now and then he gets it in his head he's going to be the world's first turtle chef and starts whipping up things in the kitchen. Most of it is edible.

-Picks up different languages really easily. Fluent in Spanish and can have basic conversations in several other languages.

-Has a weird obsession with the original Space Jam soundtrack. Can sing all the lyrics to “Hit 'em High.” (Okay, all four of them can.)

-Likes a lot of 90′s music in general.

-Knows a lot of drag queens after he foiled a shooting at a drag bar. He is always welcome whenever he comes by. The girls call him “Mitch” or sometimes “Michelle.” You can tell when he's been spending time there as he'll mimic their mannerisms or call his brothers “gurl.”

-He has been IN a pride parade. Leo was pissed when he found out. Mikey made him go to Pride the next year. Leo was propositioned several times. (But he had a blast.)

-April makes Mikey wear an elastic band on his wrist that the brothers can snap when he's running his mouth. (Mostly saying lewd things to/about women.) It was intended to break him of this bad habit so if he ever did meet a girl who likes what he's selling, he doesn't chase her off with his mouth. (It's tough love from April's view point.) This seems to have backfired as Mikey will run his mouth and then ninja away while his brothers chase him. It's now his favorite game as he tries to say the most inappropriate and offensive things at the worst times.

-No, he won't take the band off himself until April says he can.

Raph

-Feels the most unseen of his brothers. Leo is the favorite son, Donnie is the genius middle child and Mikey is the rambunctious baby. The only times Raphael could get any attention from his father is when he started fights. But around age 10 he accidentally broke Mikey's arm in a fight and felt so bad about it, that he began teaching himself to hold back and stopped getting into full out brawls with his brothers. Arguments and a few arm punches yes, but no using his full strength on his brothers in a fit of rage. As such, his one avenue for attention was closed and Raphael has become used to doing his own thing and gets the attention he craves from his brothers and not his father.

-Raph and Casey bond over their anger management journeys.

-He and April are super tight.

-Is the most self aware of the four and the most likely to self-correct if he’s made a mistake.

-Mikey is the brother he is closest to, but Raph absolutely loves spending time with Donatello. When his brother has time for him. If he's having a particularly frustrating day, he will go and sit in the lab to chill out. Because Donnie is zen when he's deep in a project and Raph eats up those calm vibes. The two can and often bond by sitting in a room together not talking, but just being near one another.

-Really values time spent with Leo when they're just chilling and there aren't any arguments.

Donnie

-One of the chillest people (turtles) you will ever meet. Rarely has a temper, though has a short attention span for his brothers (Mikey's) nonsense.

-Very few things phase him. Jump out of an airplane with no parachute? No problem.

-Kills spiders for Raph.

-Introvert. Can go weeks without interacting with another person.

-Cranks the raunchiest rap music you have ever heard while he's working on his projects. (If you peek in, you might catch him dancing to it, too.)

-Raph and Mikey sometimes call him the “Savage” and quote Megan Thee Stallion's song of the same name at him. “Donnie's that bitch. Been that bitch, still that bitch.”

-There's a reason for that nickname. It takes a lot to get under Donnie's skin, but if you cross him looking to start something, he IS going to finish it. Like Batman taking out the whole Justice League, Donnie knows everyone's weakness and he will use it all against them.

-You will never know when it's coming. This bitch can hold a grudge forever, waiting until the right time to drop the bomb on you.

-Cryptid enthusiast. Considers his family to be New York Crypids and entertains the theory that other cryptids could be mutants of some kind.

-Likes to watch true crime shows with Leo.

Leo

-Turns into an old man whenever he has to interact with technology.

-Never texts unless he has to. “Forgets” his phone a lot so he doesn't have to deal with it.

- A little OCD.

-Can get over stimulated when there's too much noise and will need quiet time to decompress. This was difficult growing up as all three of his brothers enjoy constant music and chatter. It's one of the main reasons he gets cranky if his brothers have been smothering him all day. (They all want his attention and sometimes they're exhausting and he has to go find a place to hide.)

-If he's feeling social, he likes to de-stress with Mikey. Mikey is nearly insufferable when they're all together, but when they have one on one time, Mikey's more chill and will talk in lower tones when he isn't trying to talk above the other brothers.

-Leo will plop down next to him and just say “I need a laugh.” Mikey will spin all sorts ofjokes and dumb stories about Raph to make Leo snort. Then he'll share any new music he's found. (Played on low for Leo's sake, and also so the others don't find them because Mikey treasures one on one time with Leo.)

-Many songs on Leo's playlist have come from Mikey. (The one thing he does use his phone for.) He will sometimes listen to them while he trains.

-Donnie and Mikey quote Mean Girls at Leo all the time. “Stop trying to make fetch happen, Leo.” Leonardo had no idea what they were talking about for the longest time. Which confused them because he was in the room when they were watching the movie. He finally realized when they were quoting and watched it again.

-He once said “Boo, you whores” to his brothers and they all LOST THEIR SHIT.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

pause, m | myg | 2

pairing(s): yoongi x reader

summary: Life is like a cassette tape. It seems like it’s constantly repeating, flipped from side A to side B, and the songs can’t be skipped. You can only pause, rewind, fast forward, play after you’ve already heard the song. After you’ve already lived it. All Min Yoongi knows is his own tape, until it smashes right at his feet, and then he has to learn to dance to a different beat.

warnings: rated M (18+) - please be warned this story has a physically and verbally abusive relationship; language; emotional manipulation; gender stereotyping; non-idol!AU; music producer!Yoongi x dancing fanatic!reader

rated M because I know how sensitive a topic domestic abuse is.

The music reader listens to is inspired by Frederic, specifically their songs ‘oodloop’, ‘OWARASE NIGHT’, and ‘Kanashii Ureshii’ and you can look up the MVs on YT. They have subs, yes the lyrics inspired certain scenes, no I have no idea what is going on, and I don’t know why they’re dancing like that lol

–

1.

-

She slapped him across the face.

You froze.

The cassette smashed.

“I hate you, Min Yoongi!”

She shouted it so loud that you heard it over your music. Your finger instinctively went to your earbud and tapped it, pausing the sound. You couldn’t believe your eyes. What had this guy done? What had this guy done to be yelled at like that the second he stepped off the night train to stand in front of his girlfriend?

“Useless piece of trash, always fucking late!”

Slapping him over and over, so loud because the train station was completely empty except for you and these two, yelling obscenities and the guy was just standing there, taking it, saying, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, sorry for what? Why did she keep hitting him? Why? Stop it. Stop hitting him.

“Such a fucking waste of life, I can’t believe I have to be your girlfriend!”

Stop it.

“No one will ever fucking love you, you shithead, so I’m stuck with your stupid self!”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry…”

Mumbles. Fear.

Stop it!

“You think anyone will ever do anything for you the way I do? I’m all you have!”

Within two seconds, you crossed the space between you and them.

You smacked her hand away from him.

Pause.

You hesitated to press play. Standing in front of this random guy you didn’t even know, fury in your chest so strong that you forgot you were a stranger, glaring at this scowling, rage-filled woman with vehement disdain. You had no idea what the fuck was going on, you had no idea why he was being slapped so much, you had no idea why this woman was so angry and maybe there were very good reasons for it all, but somehow.

Somehow you didn’t think so.

Play.

“Stop it. He said he was sorry,” you barked, narrowing your eyes.

Her pretty face twisted with rage. “Who the fuck is this bitch, Yoongi? A whore you picked up?”

“I… I don’t know her…” the man behind you rasped, trying to move around you, but you kept yourself between the two, shouldering your backpack.

“I don’t know him. I just know you shouldn’t be hitting someone like that.”

The woman snapped at you, rising to her full height, challenging you. “This isn’t any of your fucking business. This is between me and him and doesn’t concern outsiders. Tell her, Yoongi.”

But you didn’t let Yoongi tell you, cutting him off as he tried to speak.

“This isn’t my business, but I’ve seen enough examples to be able to spot domestic violence when I see it,” you growled.

The woman scoffed, flipping her hair. “Domestic violence,” she snorted. “He’s a man. It’s not like I hit him that hard. I’m a woman.”

You curled your hands into fists.

“You stupid bully.”

The woman looked taken aback. “What?”

“I said, you’re a stupid fucking bully,” you snarled, taking a step forward and forcing her to take one back. “You think this is nothing, until you have children and your children have to watch this shit over and over, every night, thinking it’s right, thinking it’s the way it should be, but you’re fucking wrong, because this is not a relationship, this is not love, this is fucking bullying and you are a stupid, dumb bully who can’t admit you have an inferiority complex and your kids will spend years in fucking therapy wondering why they don’t understand how to make relationships with other human beings because their mom was a terrible fucking example, so do me a fucking favor and get the fuck out of here and leave this guy alone, because you are an absolute sewage of a human being.”

She gawked at you, slack-jawed, probably never been talked to in such a forceful manner before, but you didn’t care, because you didn’t spend years in therapy to watch this shit happen right in front of your face.

Never in your entire life had you ever been so angry at a stranger before.

The woman seemed to gather her bearings and spat at the floor, staining the concrete with her spit. You raised your eyebrows, unintimated. She stamped her foot at your lack of reaction, pointing accusingly at Yoongi behind you.

“Don’t you ever think about coming back home. I’m burning all your shit.”

She turned her heel and stomped away.

You almost expected Yoongi to run after her, but he didn’t. He just stood behind you and breathed laboriously. You suddenly realized that you might have done something mildly insane. She said she was going to burn all his shit.

“Hmph,” you heard the mumble behind you. “All I had was clothes anyway.”

You turned around. He wasn’t looking at you. His black hair was all over his face, and his face mask was half-pulled down, revealing his red cheeks. You looked away quickly, taking a step back.

“Are you… okay?” you asked quietly.

You saw his eyes shift around. He didn’t actually respond. Just shrugged.

You bit your lip.

Silence.

“There… are no more trains,” the Yoongi guy whispered.

“Y… Yeah.”

Silence.

The lights above you were harsh, casting large shadows all over the concrete. Nothing but the sounds of the city and the darkness above, the moon witnessing it all.

He turned away from you, walking over towards the benches. Walking away. The crumpled paper of a man, shrinking as he took one step, then another, farther and farther away from you, and you opened your mouth to shout after that black back, extending your hand in the air.

“H-Hey!”

Pause.

He turned his head around to look at you with broken and lonely eyes.

“If you want… I have a couch and some blankets.” You swallowed, knowing how crazy it was. “Because… You shouldn’t go back. I…” Don’t want you to end up like my dad. “Even if it’s one night.”

I want to break this cycle.

“Just one.” You lowered your hand, holding up one finger. “One.”

Yoongi didn’t say anything.

Only turned around wordlessly and walked back to you, stopping in front of you. Saying nothing.

He didn’t say anything the entire walk.

Didn’t say anything as you opened the door and gestured him inside. Showed him the couch, got him the blankets. Asked him if he wanted anything else. He shook his head instead of talking. You ran to your room and got him a spare pillow. Held it out to him. He took it silently. Ran off again and got a new toothbrush from your stash of toothbrushes. An unopened travel toothpaste. Asked him if he wanted anything to eat. A glass of water. He shook his head.

Showed him the bathroom. A shower?

Shake, shake.

Okay.

You told him if he was cold to let you know. You would find another blanket.

Yoongi said nothing.

You nodded and turned away, letting him be. It was hard to look at him. You didn’t want him to think you pitied him or anything. But he reminded you too much of your dad if you stared at him too long. You had gotten him everything you could think of and let him know that if he needed anything to tell you.

You went to your bedroom and let out a big sigh.

No dance party tonight.

You went to your computer and opened Spotify. Put your headphones on and listened to the music, letting it carry you away. Before you knew it, one song flowed into another. You slowly began to bounce your head to the music, the cheerful, quirky beats making you smile, your hands moving on their own, lip-syncing the lyrics.

A happy tune with sad lyrics, but it made you smile at the same.

You failed to notice Yoongi appear at your door, holding his phone. He needed a charger. Did you have one? And then he saw the back of your head, bouncing along, headphones on.

He retreated back to your living room, clutching his phone. Decided to go to sleep instead.

Hours later, you finally decided to sleep, placing your headphones down. Was Yoongi sleeping? You padded over to the dark living room, seeing a bundled form on your couch. His coat was over the blanket. His head was under the blanket. Was he cold? You went back to your room and collected a pink knit one. Walked back to the living room and moved his jacket aside onto the armchair, putting the extra blanket on top of him.

His phone was on your coffee table, flashing. It was low on battery.

You checked if it was Android or iPhone. Android. Good, because you didn’t have a lightning cable, although you would have gone to the twenty-four-hour convenience store nearby to get one if he did have an iPhone. Back to your room. Got a charger and struggled to find an outlet in the dark. You’d think you would know where your own outlets were, but apparently you were too sleepy to remember. You felt around in the dark and poked at an outlet, stabbing the wall repeatedly before plugging it in. Maybe you should have turned a light on, sheesh.

You snaked the cable around and plugged his phone in. It vibrated approvingly and you gave it a thumbs up, even though it was an inanimate object.

Let’s just say living alone made you weird.

You let out an exhale and wandered off to brush your teeth.

Not noticing Yoongi had woken up and been watching your struggle. Saying nothing.

Pause.

Fast forward.

-

Morning.

You yawned and nearly jumped when you saw the unmoving pink blob on your couch. Oh, right. You were surprised he wasn’t awake, but you shrugged. The blankets were over his head, blocking out the sun. You tried to stay quiet, opening your fridge, staring at the contents.

Staring at it with a million question marks.

You had… kimchi. Eggs. Cheese. Definitely expired take-out. You took that out and dumped it in the trash can, grimacing at it. A stranger didn’t need to see how disgusting that was. You went back to your fridge. Um. It wasn’t that you couldn’t cook, it was that you didn’t have jack shit. And if you cooked on the stove, you would definitely wake up Yoongi.

Your stomach screamed in rage.

Feed me!

Ah, well. Sorry Yoongi. You settled on a kimchi-egg-cheese pancake thing. Was it going to be good? Sure. Was it not the most elegant thing in the world? Maybe. What can you do?

You began to chop the kimchi.

-

Yoongi turned over on the couch, groaning. He heard the sizzle of the pan. Smelled spice. Eggs. The world was unfamiliar. No one was yelling at him to get up. No one was doing the blankets off of him and calling him a lazy pig. 

"Motherfuc–!"

A female voice cursed in a loud whisper. You cut yourself off, muttering.

"Stupid oil, ugh."

Not his girlfriend. 

Slowly, Yoongi pulled the blankets off his head. An unfamiliar scent, different laundry detergent than he was used to. The sofa smelled different too, like vanilla with a hint of stale popcorn. Probably from being dropped in the cushions and forgotten about until months later. 

His stomach growled. 

The smell of the food enticed him. He got up, seeing you at the stove, wearing black pajamas with the sleeves rolled to your elbows, and a cream scrunchie holding your hair up. You made a face at the pan and scolded it. 

"Who's the boss here?" you hissed hotly at the sizzling food. "That's right, me, because I'm about to eat your ass, so simmer down and stop trying to singe my arm hair off."

Yoongi blinked. 

He got off the couch as you continued your quiet tirade, shoving your hand into a bag of cheese and sprinkling it on top, laying down a generous layer. 

You should cover it, Yoongi thought. To let the cheese melt. 

You grabbed a pan lid, and covered it. The lid definitely went to a separate set because it was a different shade of silver, but it didn't matter. You mumbled triumphantly at the pan. 

"Ha, take that, you stupid eggs, who's in the hot seat now, eh?"

Yoongi stared.

You lifted the lid and checked the cheese. A billow of smoke floated out. You seemed satisfied and turned off the gas. Lifted the pan and spun around. 

Froze. 

Yoongi blinked at you. 

Your eyes were wide, still holding the hot pan. 

Silence. 

A good ten seconds past. 

You slowly put the pan on the cork potholders at the counter. Two plates were at the counter with two sets of chopsticks.

"Uh... I made a kimchi-egg pancake t-thing..." you stuttered. "With cheese on top. You don't have to eat it. But I'm not going to poison you or anything. Er, well, that's something a someone who would poison you would say, huh? Oh, maybe I should have checked the expiration date on the kimc–"

"Why do you talk to your food?" Yoongi asked pointedly.

You turned bright red. 

"Um... bad habit. 'Cause I live alone..." You shifted your eyes. "No one... to talk to."

Yoongi stared at you. 

You turned around abruptly and grabbed a knife. Took off the pan lid. The kitchen was suddenly filled with the delicious smell of eggs and kimchi. The cheese bubbled as you cut it into pizza-like slices.

Yoongi sat down at the barstool, staring at it. He was the one who usually cooked. He hadn't had a home-cooked meal by someone else in forever. Not since he lived with his parents. 

That was a long time ago. 

"I seasoned the eggs beforehand and poured it on the sautéed kimchi..." You placed a plate with a pair of chopsticks in front of him, ears still red. You avoided looking him in the eye, scratching your cheek. "I, uh, have to go grocery shopping," you mumbled, taking a slice. "Sorry it's not that fancy..."

Yoongi picked up the chopsticks and took a slice. He blew in it carefully and took a small bite. Spicy, savory, delicious. He took another bite. And another. The food was hot, almost burning the roof of his mouth. This must be a dream. He wasn't in his nightmare. He wasn't going to question it. 

As long as he wasn't in his nightmare, he could pretend this was reality. 

Yoongi didn't notice you watching him with relief. 

He took another slice. The meal was quiet, but not suffocatingly so. It was calm, only interrupted by chewing. You reached into the cabinet below you and produced a water bottle. Put it next to him. Didn't say anything. Yoongi are three more slices, throat prickling with the spice, lips puffy, before he opened the water bottle and drank from it.

"If you want, I can direct you to a shelter."

Yoongi put the water bottle down. Stared at his stained, now empty plate. 

"Or you can call a friend to shelter you," you continued. "You can even get a restraining order if we involve the police–"

"No."

He said the word with harsh finality. 

"It's not that bad."

It wasn't. He was just being a child, running away. 

"... Okay."

Yoongi looked up. For a split second, there was immense pain in your eyes. Why? None of this was happening to you. You didn't know anything. You were just some stranger. Why was he even here? Why had he come here to sleep on some random couch? So dumb. Some random woman couldn't save him from his problems. 

... Your kids will spend years in fucking therapy wondering why they don’t understand how to make relationships with other human beings because their mom was a terrible fucking example...

Yoongi stilled as he remembered your words from last night. That was far too specific. His brows furrowed. You let out a sigh and took his plate.

"Do you want a shower?" you asked. "I have spare towels."

Yoongi tilted his head. "I don't have a change of clothes." He stared at the hardwood floor. "And my other clothes are probably burned by now."

You placed the dishes in the sink and began to wash them. 

"We can go buy some. I need groceries anyway."

He didn't understand why you were being so nice to him. It was strange. You didn't know him. Well, actually... he didn't even know your name either. 

"Uh..."

You looked up from the dishes, hands covered in soap. Yoongi did all the dishes at home. He did all the housework, in fact. This was weird, watching another person do housework. His voice was quiet, timid, crumpled like a piece of paper. 

"What's your name?" 

-

"Do you want white or black?"

You held up two multi-packs of t-shirts in his size.

"Uh... Black."

You dumped the black in the cart and put the other back. Yoongi stayed behind you, not picking out anything. You were wearing your backpack, a black cap, red wide-knit sweater, and black jeans. Black combat boots, the familiar staple for you. The two of you are standing in an aisle at the local convenience store. Yoongi was still wearing the same clothes from last night – black parka, black turtleneck, black jeans, black face mask. 

He mostly stared at the floor, following your boots. 

"White or black?"

Yoongi looked up to see you on the other side of the cart, holding two multi-packs of underwear. White briefs and black boxer briefs. He felt his cheeks heat up as you blinked at him. Instead of speaking, he grabbed the black boxer briefs from your hand, intending to chuck them into the cart.

Except his jacket sleeve caught a strand of your red sweater, the Velcro sticking to and unraveling it, so that when he twisted his hand to throw the plastic pack into the cart, the yarn tangled around his fingers and got caught, rapidly getting pulled around. Your eyes widened, gasping as the red string was yanked from your sweater. 

"O-oh!"

"Fuck!"

His hand was tangled in it and the part around your wrist tightened, the missing yarn causing the constriction. Yoongi cursed again, trying to shake free, panic rising. Oh no, fuck, what if you got angry? What if you started yelling at–?

You laughed. 

You started laughing. Yoongi froze, slowly lifting his head to witness your laughter. Your shoulders shook, shaking your head, big smile on your face. The yarn hung in the air, shaking a little.

The red string connecting you to him. 

Yoongi stared. 

At you.

His heart thudded in his chest. 

Thump. 

"Hold on," you chortled, reaching over and following the red yarn.

Thump.

His heart was like a bass drum. Consistent and loud, rhythm in his own ears. You untangled the mess slowly, carefully, wrapping the exposed end loosely around your wrist. Finally, it was off his fingers. Your fingers were centimeters from the back of his hand. You grasped the red yarn tightly. Yoongi looked at the end, trapped in the Velcro of his parka.

Thump. 

A fleeting feeling. 

Happiness.

You ripped the red yarn off, the end frizzy and scraggly. 

Another fluttering feeling. 

Sadness. 

You backed up, going back to the cart, tucking the end in next to your wrist, all chuckles. Thump, thump, thump. He couldn't breathe. It was impossible. What was going on? Why did he suddenly start shaking all over?

"I'm sorry," he blurted, breathless in panic. 

You shook your head, waving a hand. 

"Don't worry about it. This thing is old anyway." You pointed to the rack. "Is four enough? Or do you need more?"

"U-uh..."

"Let's get one more. I can always return it if you change your mind."

-

"Do you have a job to go to? Because I have to go soon," you were saying as you shoved the groceries into the fridge. Yoongi was unwrapping the plastic and cutting off the tags from the few clothing items you two had bought. 

"Um... yeah, I work at a music studio..." Yoongi mumbled. "I make my own hours."

"And it ends right before the last train, right?" you affirmed, nearly dropping the green onions and making a mad dash for them before they touched the ground. Whew. You shoved them back in your fridge. You didn’t really have an organization system. You probably should. Being an adult was hard.

"... Yeah."

"Cool, you should take a shower now then. I'll get a towel, hold on!"

You scrambled out of the kitchen to find a towel in the linen closet, the fridge door still open. 

"... Alright..."

-

Pause.

Fast forward.

-

Yoongi spent the entire train ride tense. You sat in your usual spot, humming along, bobbing your head to your music in your earbuds. Neither of you attempted to sit next to the other. Yoongi fully expected his girlfriend to be there as he stepped out of the train, at the last stop. He thought he was going to get yelled at once again. He thought she would be there to smack him upside the head again. He braced himself as the doors opened, exhaling deeply as he walked out of the sliding doors.

"Ugh, I need some energy," you mumbled behind him, yawning. 

No one was there. 

The bright streetlamps only illuminated the concrete. 

"Hey, Yoongi."

He turned his head to see you tilting yours. 

"You coming?"

You bounced on your heels. He remembered your usual routine. 

"Wanna race?" you asked with a big grin. 

-

Morning. Night. Morning. Night. 

Empty station at the last stop. No one but you and him getting off. 

Morning. Night. 

"Hey, Yoongi."

Morning. 

"You coming?"

Night. 

“Wanna race?”

Repeat.

The cassette tape replayed over and over, flipped around in the stereo, day in, day out, stuck on replay, a weird reality that wasn't his until it became his, seeing your face when he woke up, watching you cook breakfast in the morning, chastising inanimate objects when you thought he wasn't looking.

Your lips asking him once again. 

"You coming?"

Then you and him, breaking out into a run, racing to your apartment. 

At first, Yoongi didn't smile. 

Then one day, he did. 

And he kept smiling, smiling as he ran breathlessly with you. 

-

"What are you doing?"

You froze. 

Literally one second before you heard those words, you had been wiggling your arms like an octopus in front on your full-length mirror, flapping the long sleeves of your over-sized blue sweatshirt, your billowy knee-length gray shorts following suit. You reached up to your Bluetooth headphones to take them off.

And realized, with heated cheeks, that the music was not coming from your headphones, but the Bluetooth speakers on your desk, blaring the odd twangs of guitar and quirky drum beats, paired with whiny, almost nonsensical lyrics. 

You turned around. 

Yoongi stood at the entrance of your bedroom door, staring. He was wearing a black t-shirt. Black sweatpants that were slightly too short, exposing his pale ankles. 

The song went into the guitar solo. 

He blinked at you. 

"Uh... dancing?"

Blink. 

Normally after work, Yoongi would either be asleep or watching television in your living room. You told him cable came with the apartment and you never watched TV, so he should at least watch some in your stead. You usually went to your room. The first couple nights, you only danced in your chair. Then you got up and danced next to your desk, and then you were back to your wacky mirror dancing, thinking that if it was though headphones, then Yoongi wouldn't notice. 

But, of course, you had disturbed him with your music blasting through the speakers, which had never been disconnected all this time because, well, how were you supposed to know? They must have connected because your over-ear headphones died.

"That was dancing?" Yoongi echoed.

Your eyes shifted. "Er... it's stress relieving?"

Yoongi stared at you.

Blink. 

The song changed. One of your favorites. 

Your shoulders began to bounce. Your head tapped to the beat. Then your heel. 

Blink. 

"Are you possessed?" Yoongi asked with a deadpan look. 

The tune was getting to the good bit with the xylophone. Fuck it. He had already seen you octopus it up. You began to bob your head from side to side, breaking out to a big grin, shooting him some finger guns before going back to your full-body jiggle and arm flapping, singing along on the top of your lungs, prancing around your room, Yoongi staring at you the entire time in mild shock. He probably thought you were psychotic, but who cared, because you were clapping along to the snare drum, skipping in circles, pointing at him at certain parts in the lyrics and playing air guitar. 

His normally downcast cat-like eyes were huge.

You grabbed his hands at the guitar solo and he yelped, his arms rippling as you swung them around, you stumbling through the lyrics, singing the absurd words, and Yoongi gawking wide-eyed.

The song went to the final chorus and you wiggled like a fucking squid. 

Only to see Yoongi burst out laughing and wiggle his arms with you, tiny wiggles compared to your full-blown tentacle swings, but it made you laugh too, because it was all stupid and ridiculous and very embarrassing. 

With a start, you realized you had seen Yoongi laugh. 

And he looked so wonderful laughing, perfect teeth and pink gums, huge smile and scrunched-up face, black hair falling back from the strength of his chuckling, revealing his lovely fair-skinned features and those cat-like eyes sparkling.

Sparkling with brightness. 

The song ended and you were panting breathlessly.

Yoongi raised his eyebrows in disbelief, half-smirk on his lips. 

"Your music taste is nuts."

You smiled as the next song started. 

"Nah, this is just my nighttime dance party music. It's supposed to be crazy."

You flapped your sleeves to the beat of the drum. Grinned at him. 

"Because every night should be a dance party."

And you started dancing again, Yoongi watching you and laughing, even joining in sometimes. 

From then on, every night was a dance party. At one point, Yoongi started to bring you songs and weird beats he discovered for you to dance to. He even said a few times, "Hey, I made this. Can you make a dance from it?"

You'd dance to anything. 

You weren't great at it. 

But it was always hilarious. 

And it was always worth it, watching Yoongi laugh all night. 

-

Pause. 

Fast forward. 

Wait. Are you sure?

You can always rewind. 

You don't have to press play. 

Pause.

Play. 

-

“Do you like rap?”

You were sitting next to Min Yoongi on the night train. There were still people around, not yet the last stop. He was clutching his phone, face mask on his chin. He looked a little nervous.

“Yeah, of course. I like all music,” you said cheerfully. “Something you want me to dance to?”

Yoongi chuckled a little, giving you that little half-smirk. “No.” He took a deep breath. “I’m a… music producer. And I… I make music. And I wondered if you wanted to listen to a little bit my mixtape.”

“I do.”

Yoongi looked taken aback. You grinned.

“I definitely want to listen to it.”

You connected your earbuds to his phone and listened carefully. His words, his beat, his rhythm. Yoongi sat beside you, wrapped in his black parka, looking nervous as he chewed on his lip, but you didn’t notice, bobbing your head to certain bits, mouthing the chorus, raising your eyebrows as he altered the framework of a traditional song. He had only five tracks on the playlist, but you listened to them all, holding his phone. When the playlist ended, you clicked back to your favorite parts and replayed them, over and over, listening to his strong, raspy voice.

Yoongi sounded confident when he was rapping.

Like he was meant to do it, perfectly expressing himself with his simple words and elegant phrasing, his anger, his sorrow, his hopes. You could tell there was an underlying theme, an uncertainty about the future. As if he was taking steps to an invisible, unlit path, and he wasn’t sure whether to run forward without a guiding light or go back to all he knew.

You handed him back his phone with a smile. You understood him a little better now.

“Well?” he asked, still biting his lip.

“I really like it,” you said. “Especially your vocals. It’s different from other voices I’ve heard.”

“… It’s not that–”

“And I like your lyrics. They’re simple, but they pack a punch and make you think.” You smiled widely. “I like music that makes me want to listen to it over and over again. That’s how your rap makes me feel.”

Yoongi looked stunned.

You pointed to his phone. “You could release it just like this, if you wanted.” You tilted your head. “Hm, maybe a few more songs though. It seems like you’re trying to tell a story.”

He blinked rapidly, putting his phone in his pocket. “Y-Yeah… I’m working on a few more that I want to add.”

You nodded. “That’d be awesome.”

The train screeched to a halt. There was no one in the car. That was your cue. You stood, stretching first and then shouldering your backpack. Yoongi stood as well, pensive and silent. The train doors slid open. He walked out first and you followed. Streetlights harsh and bright on the concrete. Yoongi did his usual routine of looking to the edge of the train station.

Both of you froze.

“Get the fuck over here, Yoongi.”

You recognized her. She might be wearing a different dress and a different coat, but it was the same woman all right, with the same harsh scowl.

“I knew you wouldn’t be a man and face the music. Instead, you went off prancing with some whore.”

“She’s not a whore,” Yoongi muttered, pulling up his face mask.

You didn’t say anything. There was a sudden pressure on your chest, an overwhelming, tense heaviness, because you knew what was coming.

“Are you telling me that you’re not going to come home to the woman you supposedly love, the one you were supposedly going to marry and give a comfortable life to?” the woman accused. “Are you telling me that you can’t take responsibility for your actions? That you’re not a man, but a child?”

Yoongi took a step towards her.

The weight in your chest felt like a ton of bricks crushing you.

Another step.

“Yoongi.”

He turned his head, dark brown eyes flickering to you.

You smiled.

Smiled even though the moment was killing you.

“I… I have to finish this,” he mumbled, the sparkle in his eyes dulling with every passing second.

You kept the bright smile on your face.

Like a cheerful-sounding song with sad lyrics.

“Okay.”

Pause.

You wanted to rewind. You wanted to rewind so bad, even if it was only to ten minutes before this painful moment. With a shaking hand, you pressed play.

“My door is always open for you, Yoongi.”

He made eye contact with you. He nodded.

“Goodbye.”

You turned and ran.

Ran and ran, hoping he was running after you, but you knew he wasn’t, you knew he was walking towards that toxic woman and you could do nothing about it, you couldn’t care, you just had to keep running, running and running until you hit your front door, fumbling with your keys and running inside, slamming the door closed.

You froze.

You wanted to scream.

Instead, you ran to your room and threw up a specific playlist, a playlist full of cheerful-sounding songs with agonizing lyrics, hopeful beats tainted by upsetting words, and danced the night away, danced and danced. Not wanting to think about the blankets on the couch, the suitcase you had dragged out to let Yoongi borrow and put his clothes in, not wanting to think about his toothbrush on your bathroom sink, not wanting to think about all those nights dancing stupidly in this bedroom with him, and focusing only on dancing alone, singing the night away, on and on and on until you couldn’t stand anymore, couldn’t sing anymore, and you just fell on your bed and passed out, completely drained.

Physically.

Emotionally.

Empty.

-

3.

--

masterpost

[shadyb00ts]

Review: Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land

If you were a teenager in the 2010s who listened to alt pop music, you most likely have crossed paths with Marina's music, back when she was FKA Marina and the Diamonds. I first discovered Marina through her sophomore album Electra Heart, which I always thought was a masterpiece of a pop album sonically and conceptually. To this day, that is an album that means a lot to me and helped me through some dark times back in those days.

Since then, I've been obsessed with Marina's discography and there isn't a single album of hers I dislike. The Family Jewels was an excellent debut and really highlighted her creativity. FROOT I maintain was very much underrated and it's probably my second favorite album of hers overall. Love + Fear is... Well, I understand why it's polarizing, considering it is her most commercial-sounding, radio-friendly pop album and probably her weakest in the discography, but there was still something about it that kept me hooked. It was one of my most listened to albums of 2019 because something about the songs, despite them being so basic by Marina's standards, was highly addictive for me.

So when this album was announced, I didn't really know what to expect in terms of her next musical direction. The singles she releases, namely Purge the Poison and Venus Fly Trap, gave me an indication that she was bringing back her signature Family Jewels-era style that is so distinctly her, and for the most part this album did give that quintessential, quirky Marina-ness that I really missed from her.

I reviewed Chromatica sometime last year and in that post I talked about how Gaga sacrificed a lot of her weirdness to adopt a more commercial, generic sound with Chromatica, and I feel like Love + Fear was that for Marina. Like Gaga, Marina is weird, and even though the songs on L+F I thought were enjoyable, they were definitely missing Marina's personality and snark for the most part. I'm pleased that we got to see that side of her come back for this album, Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land.

I think Ancient Dreams maintains that energy, because even from the opening title track, you're already taken for a ride. It's such a strong opener and it sets the stage for what the rest of the album is going to be like sonically and thematically. Then she continues with songs like Venus Fly Trap, Man's World and Purge the Poison, and all of these songs consecutively paint quite a clear picture of what she's going for in terms of what the album's about. At least that's what it seems like at first, but then it didn't take me long to notice that this album kind of has a cohesion problem.

(Side note, while I think Purge the Poison is a banger, I always thought the lyrics are kind of like she just Googled "feminism 101" lmao. It's full of a lot of feminist cliches and "daughters of the witches you couldn't burn" energy, but with that said, I can't make the song not bop.)

Marina is normally the queen of cohesion, but it feels like there's two sides of this album, which is kind of hilarious to think about because she wanted to play with the concept of a two-sided album with Love + Fear that ended up sounding very same-y. In this one, it's supposed to be one continuous body of work with only 10 songs, but there's a clear divide between the themes and the sounds. Somehow the concept of L+F worked better for this album despite it not being her intent. It's like this one should've been called Politics + Heartbreak.

Basically in like the first six songs of this album, she's talking about universal topics like politics, feminism, existentialism, independence, etc. But then in the last four songs, she switches gears abruptly and now we're talking about breakups? So it felt kind of jarring to me that the album had a massive tonal shift not only in the overall theme but also in the sound as well, cause most of these last songs are breakup ballads.

Now around the time that this album came out, I was going through a pretty shitty breakup that broke my heart, so some of these songs did tug at my heart strings and made me feel things. Out of all the random breakup songs tacked on, I think my favorite is I Love You But I Love Me More. This one doesn't really count as a ballad since it's a little more uptempo, but it's probably the one that resonated with me the most and the only one I go back to.

Even though I was able to relate somewhat to these breakup songs and had an emotional reaction to a few of them, the critical side of me still felt a little perplexed by this album's direction. Maybe if the tracklist had been distributed differently and the breakup songs were more spread out, I might've overlooked it, but because those four songs were all clumped together at the end, the abrupt change in tone was extremely noticeable.

The highs of this album are the high energy tracks like Purge the Poison and Venus Fly Trap, where Marina's snarky, quirky personality we fell in love with in The Family Jewels and Electra Heart really show through. The first half of this album shines so well and really grabs you, but unfortunately it's another one of those albums that fizzles by the last few tracks. Hell, I'd even say this album would've worked better as an EP with the last four songs removed. They just didn't fit with the rest of it.

Overall, is this album enjoyable? Yes, there's a lot of songs on here (mostly the ones in the first half) that I go back to all the time, cause this woman is still just really damn good at making music. I don't even think I can say that any of the songs on this album are bad, really, my biggest issue is just that it should've been more thematically clear or cohesive. Usually Marina's really good at that.

If you are a Marina fan then you will love a lot of these songs, the ones that are bursting with her personality. If you've never listened to Marina, then you should probably go through the majority of her discography first before you give this one a shot. Like I said, she's not for everyone.

[youarejesting]

My fics in 2020

I am proud of this year. I worked hard until the end. 2020 was my year of finishing my stories. I have done so much and next year I want to do more. So keep an eye out Jester will take over.

Fandom(s): BTS, mentions of NCT, BLACKPINK, MONSTA X.

Networks:@btscreatorscorner @castlebangtan

Total Fics: 34

Total chapters: 404

Total Words: 565,587 Total vids and fake subs: 13 

Best and Worst Title?

Best: ‘Music is the spark that sets my soul on fire’ and its sequel ‘Dance is the celebration of the flame’

Worst: The Check Up

Best and Worst first line?

Best: Yoongi never understood why people would say one's blood is important. (Mania)

Worst: It all started in Mykonos. (Steal my sunshine)

Best and Worst ending line?

Best: “I got you this pretty dress” Seokjin grinned showing you the dress before hugging you and giving your forehead a kiss, “Let’s go burn it” (Me & the ghost in number 23)

Worst: But all you got was a sharp-toothed smile. (Pandemonium)

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than, or about what was expected?

I think I wrote what I expected, but I think I could have definitely finished more. Which is a bit upsetting.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year? 

I don’t have limitations to my writing so nothing is deemed unpredictable.

I am however generally surprised by my love of throwing in twists and also gore, I love gore.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Wild space: it is strange because I am not particularly a fan of space and scifi, but I am really into writing world building things and having the ability to create a whole planet was amazing.

Most popular story? 

Tumblr:

Seoulmates

Femme

Quarantine

AO3: 

Quarantine

BTS365

Love Listening

Story most underappreciated by the universe? 

Tiny Tan: Limited Edition

Story that could have been better? 

All

Sexiest story?

 Love Listening

Saddest story? 

 Me & the ghost in number 23

Fluffiest story? 

Mall Santa

Most fun story? 

BTS Among Us 

Hardest story to write? 

Kisaeng

Daylight (i'm still writing it haha)

Easiest/most fun story to write? 

Light it up

What story took the longest?

365 lol took all year

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? 

The biggest risk I took all year was posting my work. Living life on the edge.

What are your fic writing goals for next year? 

To double my writing

Fics that you wrote in 2020:

BTS365: 365 mini stories ✓ fluff, comedy, angst, romance, mature, action, adventure, smut. This has it all. Find your birthday and read your story. I wanted to give something unique to people.

Quarantine: 100 Chapters ✓ Something to accompany you while you are alone during quarantine and the pandemic. I was lonely and I figured so was everyone else. So, I decided to have BTS help us all go on an adventure that didn’t focus on the covid virus but on some other aspects around it.

Femme: 50 Chapters ✓ A futuristic world where women are rare. This was an indulgement fic that gave circumstances for the reader to be in a polyamorous relationship with the boys and live a glamorous life. Ending was a bit rushed.

Seoulmates: 29 (ongoing) Each member of BTS has a unique soulmate bond. I love the idea of this, another indulgent fic but you aren’t alone with the boys you have friends and you can play different parts.

Witching: 11 Chapter ✓ When your brother goes missing trying to find them gets you in a turf war between two covens. This fic was actually a way for me to vent for a project I wanted to complete but the project is so big that I wrote this instead.

Herb: 2 Parts ✓ mature, smut. Jimin claims he has everything you need, he doesn’t disappoint. I came across this idea within the 365’s and extended it because I liked the idea so much. Jimin has everything from casseroles to scarfes, cat food to cell phone chargers and the reader just wants to be loved and relieve stress.

Limited Edition: 10 Chapters ✓ BTS boys are sold as limited edition figurines. This was originally me venting about not having any merch and then became a daydream that what if the merch came alive. And the story was born.

BTS Among Us: 7 Chapters ✓ gore, action, adventure, scifi, angst, death of main characters. This one was so funny for me, I had my friend pick a colour and that was the imposter from the start. I was amazed that no one figured it out in the end. I want to play again soon.

Light it up: 13 Chapters ✓ fluff, comedy, angst, romance, mature, action, adventure. This was inspired by the dynamite trailer, I loved it so much that I began writing, I had no clear direction but as I wrote it started to shape and someone said it was like stranger things and I credited Stranger things cause it did indeed have a similar premise and I don’t want to pretend I came up with something that has already been done.

Love listening: 2 Parts ✓ SMUT, comedy, fluff, angst, romance, mature. This was inspired by a strange video that came up on the internet, I was searching for BTS misheard lyrics and the video I clicked had some funny ones but after that the next suggested video was bts moans and auto play was on and well this fic was born.

Me & the ghost in Number 23: 11 ✓ fluff, comedy, scifi, supernatural, romance, angst, mature, smut, death of main character. This was inspired by many of the ghost text au’s I had read but many of them were like the show oh my ghost where the main ghost character isn’t actually dead just in a coma and I thought the opposite way instead of them waking up, I wanted things to shape the other way. This one was so difficult to write and I cried a lot due to the loneliness Jimin was facing and the mourning from Yoongi.

Hope in the sheets: 4 chapters (so far) fluff, comedy, smut, adventure, slice of life, romance, angst, mature, growing up. This one is a fic that targets my childish desires. I have grown up so much and this fic is a visual representation of that. 

Asks: 77 (ongoing) where the bts boys answer the readers questions and concerns.

Reactions: 15 (ongoing) 

Prompts: 18 (ongoing)

One shots:

Kisaeng: This was a reverse fic project, the idea that instead of Mulan pretending to be a man and going off to war, it was BTS dressing as women to stay home from war. I loved writing about fictional history. 

Steal my Sunshine: This was a summer project. I wanted to write something that felt like a very bad spy movie, like Mellissa Mccarthy and Mr Bean-esque. I formed this one and it made me laugh the whole time writing it.

Blue Side: This was talking to myself about being sad and admitting that I could be sad but I should learn to split the happy and sad into two worlds and limit my time in them both, it was about equal balance and finding the good in the sad and the sad in the good. I don’t know how hard to explain.

Temptation: I had fun writing but it is pure SMUT. not even good SMUT.

Pandemonium: This was really fun. The premise is dark and the ending is left ambiguous, in the original, Namjoon kills the reader but I left it open so you can imagine them continuing their relationship or not.

Mall santa: A fluffy christmas piece. A secret santa I wrote that I felt needed to be soft and quirky and have just all the hallmark moments.

Mad: This one is finished, but I have it published privately at the moment waiting to unveil it as it is well SMUTTY. I don’t know what it is about Taehyung but he is always so dark and I guess that's what people find appealing. I had this idea from a 365prompt and well I had to write it.

One wish: This was a birthday fic that I wrote for a friend. I wanted people to read it on their birthdays or imagine their birthdays and themselves in this position if they made the same wish.

The Check Up: I wrote for this for a friend going through a personal procedure, they were nervous so I took their bias and made something I hoped they could think about while in the procedure and I even explained the steps and what might happen over the next few days hoping the whole thing wouldn’t seem as scary because technically her mind had already been through it when reading the story.

Sparks of the heart: Robots developing human feeling. It was a cute universe and Yoongi’s story will be a series within 2021.

Dance machine 3000

Digital Art

Electronic Tonic

Circuit chef

Random Access Memory

Kookies Trojans and Malware

Feel Better: Another fic written for a author who was sick, I wanted them to endulge in some escapism whilst they were sick.

Music is the spark that sets my soul on fire & Dance is the celebration of the flame: These two were requests that I loved dearly.

Horror movies: Cheesy damsel in distress meets boys will be boys.

I will wait (somesay): This song wouldn’t get out of my head so I had to write it.

Wild Space: When I wanted to write a hybrid AU but I already have a hybrid AU being edited. So hybrid werewolves meets space.

The Bomb: This one is compete and ready to post I had to talk myself out of writing this as a series but I love the story line. I love the end.

Lost Boys: This has been stuck in my head since i had a dream about it and I finally wrote it into the new year. I hope you like it.

Mania: Not my favourite work, love ABO universe I just haven’t got an actually story line so it is on hold.

Incaceration: The story that never was, I really need to get around to this one.

Tagging: @moccahobi I know you wanted to tag me... but I am finished so I am tagging you.

[fauxpromises]

Random musings about Talking Heads & Kuja

Been getting back to writing again and felt like it would be kind of fun to write down my thoughts on the artist and album that inspired some of my thematic ideas for my fic. Though realistically this is more of a general character analysis re Kuja than anything specific to my writing, lol.

Analysis below the cut!

Part of why I was inspired to write is, well, Kuja is one of my favorite characters in fiction and I feel that a lot of his most important themes and characterization go almost completely unexamined. Specifically, I notice fandom tends to focus on his characterization prior to his big change in trajectory. That trajectory results in his constructed persona being pretty much completely destroyed, and in the wake of that, I see his post-arc persona being much more muted and lacking in a solid foundation of identity. No longer the excessively theatrical, outgoing identity that he created in order to convince himself that he was unique and important (neither of which his origin would lead him to actually believe).

And that’s exactly why I relate Talking Heads, and more specifically Remain in Light to him as a character. It’s an album with the central theme of identity conflict, at times in a very abstract way, that I feel fits him as a character so entirely well. The actual style of music has either a chaotic, rapid “racing thoughts” tempo to it, or a subdued sound that nonetheless has feeling of looming dread to it. Sometimes they feel rather casual, but in a superficial way. But the theme is pretty consistent across the track list. Even the title “Remain in Light” and the album cover is meant to convey that something is being obscured and is attempting to come into visibility.

The narrative voice as performed by David Byrne is also extremely fitting. He’s good at conveying a personality that is eccentric and at times seemingly detached from the human experience. He makes quirky, coy observations and tends to muse on the state of humanity or others in ways that almost seem as if he excludes himself from that lot. You could call it somewhat dissociative, while still portraying a lucid train of thought; there’s often a difference in the degree of intelligence the narrator shows in his observations, and his ability to understand the emotions that they yield.

Of the songs on Remain in Light, I believe the ones that most relate to the identity disturbance theme are “Once in a Lifetime”, “Seen and Not Seen”, and the big one for me, “Crosseyed & Painless”. I give a shoutout to “The Great Curve” because it kind of informed the romance dynamic, which, while not supposed to be foremost to the character study, represent something Kuja as a character has almost no interaction with in his canon context (outside of Dissidia anyway) - a tangible connection with another person. That track really complements the theme of delusion that the album insinuates, as it’s a sort of fanciful love song describing an idealized, lofty portayal of a woman. It’s abstract and nonspecific, barely a love song in the conventional sense, but I like the idea that someone who is themself conflicted or deluded about their own identity would struggle to see others as they really are.

Anyway, “Once in a Lifetime” is probably one of the best known TH songs. It’s an almost comedic take on an existential crisis, the narrator reflecting on his uncertainty of the nature of reality to the point of questioning the basic objects he interacts with in his day-to-day (like his wife and his car). “Seen and Not Seen” is a much more obscure track that is an extended metaphor. The narration describes a man who is able to change his physical appearance at will, trying to make it match that of idealized others (like celebrities) or changing it to better suit his perception of himself. It’s a representation of how people shape their personalities and identities, and how they can err in doing so.

But really, I’d say “Crosseyed & Painless” is the song that really, to me, is Kuja’s character arc in a nutshell. I really love the live version from Stop Making Sense specifically for the extended and stylized intro. It starts with a really calm and casual instrumental and guitar line, which gradually (and disconcertingly) transitions into a really fast tempo and guitar which reminds me way too much of “Dark Messenger”. It’s pretty clearly a musical depiction of a descent into insanity as something rather incremental, but ultimately landing with force. It’s definitely something that has to be heard to be understood.

Lyrically, the narrator describes a feeling of identity confusion. Due to an unspecified cause, he feels like he is caught between an assumed identity and a true identity, pretty well explained in the first verse (Lost my shape, trying to act casual). It’s a cause of great distress as evidenced by the third line, “I might end up in the hospital”. And beyond that, the phrase “I feel like an accident” indicates something has occurred that is inevitable.

After the narrator explains his own predicament, to me it seems he turned his skepticism to the reality of everything else rather than admit that the delusion and conflict is within himself. It’s rather clever. He speaks at length about facts, as in the second verse: (I'm ready to leave, I push the fact in front of me/Facts lost, facts are never what they seem to be). Facts are something unavoidable and true by definition, but he focuses his attention on both lamenting their immovability and still trying to rationalize that he can alter them. There’s also talk of doubt, which I expect is related to the aforementioned conflict with facts - despite the denial of them, doubt always voices itself. The chorus in its various versions reaffirm this with the statement “the feeling returns whenever we close our eyes”.

The prominent refrain, however, is the “I’m still waiting” repetition. An annotation on the song on Genius.com sums up the meaning behind it very well:

“What I love about this refrain is that it seems to reconfirm a desire for facts or some kind of master signifier that will give order and meaning to the world, despite the song’s overall critique of facts. The repetition of “still waiting” ties in nicely with the line in the bridge that “Facts cut a hole in us.” This reminds me of what Jacques Lacan calls objet petit a – the object-cause of desire that our desires forever circle around without obtaining.”

If you care to give any of these songs a listen, I’d recommend the album version for all but “Crosseyed & Painless” which has a significantly better version in my opinion on the live album. There used to be an incredibly amazing downmix of the whole album on Youtube but it has since vanished, very unfortunately.

[borisbubbles]

25. PORTUGAL

Elisa - “Medo de sentir”

We’ve finally crossed over into the “I like this” territory :-) Let’s celebrate by booting another ballad ^_^

Song Analysis

This will be short and sweet though, since there isn’t much to say. “Medo de sentir” basically the Marie Myriam of its national final: It is a cromulent ballad that did nothing wrong and is solidly good, but not great in all the relevant areas (vocals, composition, staging). 

I mean,

Even so, Elisa gave me a few small nuggets that warmed me to her, serving DRAMAFACE in the FdC Semi

and LOOKS in the Finale: 

Peach puffy sleeves that rival Leonor Andrade’s legendary shoulder pads as a fashion statement <3 (honestly, this is pretty subdued for FdC fashion even? Hold on until I get talk about Felipe in the NF Corner) 

Honestly, you may wonder why I like this more than “Répondez-moi”, but I don’t really have a reason  - unless you’re willing to accept “Medo de sentir is underrated, is performed by a Weird Indie Girl and is from a criminally overlooked Eurovision country” as valid argumentations. Oh and while I only *very* mildly like Elisa, it is a decision I made myself, completely free of the social pressure I feel whenever Gjon, or heaven forbid, Roxen or Diodato, pop up. 

Furthermore, the fact that I still like Elisa even after she won her NF also speaks greatly in her favour. I’m not sure if you were aware of how good FdC was this year? Well, sit down because you are about to witness it!

NF Corner

Remember how old Eesti Laul’s neck was snapped and its corpse was urinated on by the shit Estonians? Remember how the quirky indie weirdo entries had to find a safe haven elsewhere in Europe? The Portugese hallmark traits of “Not Giving A Fuck”, “Doing Our Own Thing No Matter What” and “What Do You Mean This Isn’t A Vimeo Showreel?” allowed for Festival da Canção to absorb Eesti Laul’s broken spirit and channel it from every (Ley-La-)Ley-Line.

and since this is the first *GREAT* 2020 NF I am covering, I will do HONORABLE MENTIONS before I actually review my four choices :o

Dubio - “Ceguiera”: Hamburglar-looking goddess <3333

MEERA - “Copo de gin”: Pure EL-style EDM *and* it’s about drinking gin, needless to say this song is basically *my anthem*.  Jimmy P - “Abensonhado”: Rap rarely is my thing, let alone three minutes of it non-stop. Having said that, this is genuine and dramatic and Jimmy is flanked by a GOSPEL CHOIR (dressed in chasubles!!!) who support him in ENGLISH... I am not made of stone.  JJaZZ - “Agora”: Totally slept on this weird indie anthem, but then they showed up looking like this:

and yes, it was even funnier in motion (sadly gif’ing rights are reserved to the Elite 4 soz) Elisa Rodrigues - “Não voltes mais”: a jolly tropical ballad in a genre I recognize but cannot name (some sort of pimba fado jazz? Does this work?) and was incomprehensibly hated by the Portuguese? Will I ever understand how this country operates? Probably never. Kady - “Diz so”: another pimba fado jazz sort of thing? My friend André (who is from Brazil) tells me it’s actively parodying Brazillian counterculture and leftist stereotypes which is such a random quirk to put in a Portuguese music comp <3

And before we move on, I’ll chuck in a very speclal DISHONORABLE mention for our good friends Blasted Mechanism.😈 I actually forgot to do my jury duties for ESCUnited here, so I’ll just let James (the person with the best taste on our team, including yours truly) do it for me: 

Fucking *TRUTH*. “Rebellion’”s problem  has always been a lack of motherfucking balls. Sure, these middle-aged steampunkers attempt to implement a genre shift between indie rock and fucking ORCHESTRAL METAL/HIP HOP and make it so underwhelming and pathetic? People blame the live, and yes it was *bad* (forever cackling at “REBELGIUM” tho), but it was the studio that failed to deliver on the promises it made.  It always surprises me when people (Sean and Roy I AM coming for you) slam "Verona” for being a “fanwank” and then fall for a Rebellion which is basically a fanwank for heterosexual snobs. #ShotsFired. 

Now, as for the actual Boris faves, LET US START WITH A LIBERAL DOSE OF ASKEW CUBISM

Judas - “Cubismo Enviesado” 

VÊS OU NÃO?  VÊS OU NÃO?  VÊS OU NÃO?  VÊS OU NÃO?  VÊS OU NÃO?   

VÊS OU NÃO?  VÊS OU NÃO?  VÊS OU NÃO?  VÊS OU NÃO?  VÊS OU NÃO?  

VÊS OU NÃO?  VÊS OU NÃO?  VÊS OU NÃO?  VÊS OU NÃO?  VÊS OU NÃO?   

VÊS OU NÃO?  VÊS OU NÃO?  VÊS OU NÃO?  VÊS OU NÃO?  VÊS OU NÃO?  

 WHAT A FUCKING SPANDEX CATASTROPHE. “Cubismo enviesado” is a horrible song, the choreography looks like it had been conjured up during a particularly drunk night of bedroom karaoke and Judas can’t hold a tune for the life of him. The lyrics don’t even make sense in Portuguese <33333 It is an art school project gone disastrously wrong. NEEDLESS TO SAY, I AM OBSESSED.😍

Filipe Sambado - “Gerbera Amarelo do Sul”

That look

The regal panache

Those... leather shorts?

IT IS SO QUEER I LOVES IT. As with Cubismo, I am fucking OBSESSED. However, unlike Cubismo, “Gerbera amarela do sul” is *legitimately* great, lol. In addition to having a KICK-ASS fado rhythm and the off-the-charts visual components (the jewellery! the hats! the throne! the hand choreography!), the lyrics are highly intelligent poetry geared at dismantling upper class snobism.😍 Rare to find an entry that kicks ass on SO MANY levels. Even harder to see it lose to Elisa Myriam - but I’m not sad it lost because, you know, it would have befallen the same fate as a “Telemóveis”. At least his existence makes the memory-holing of Achille Lauro’s ICONIC Virgin Queen Cosplay so much easier to stomach. 

Throes & The Shine - “Movimiento”

I mean, entries that open like THIS: 

are instantly iconic, ngl. The best FdC entries offer a great triple of great looks, unplugged stubborn artistry and fun quirky rhythmes. Throes + The Shine pass this with flying colours and I mean, THOSE sunglasses alone yank up the laugh-out-laugh factor to astronomical levels. add in a hilarious choreography, sound effects that seemingly imitate duck mating noises and three very attractive men (in 2020! the concept!) and it’s an instant fave right there. 

AND THEN MADE THEIR ENTRY EVEN BETTER BY ADDING MIDNIGHT GOLD/JOWST EFFECTS TO THEIR STAGING. 😍😍😍😍

MANCHAS DE LAMA NA SUA PELE  

HEROES. 😍😍😍

and of course, this wouldn’t be a 2020 NF without an obvious runaway fave losing at the last minute: 

Bárbara Tinoco - “Passe-partout”

SHE IS TINY <3333:

She’s like a human bonsai... or a personal attack chincilla.

Okay, so Portugal were *THIS close* to out-France’ing the French with this sassy Zazballad, served with a generous dollop of parisian accordion and stank reaction shots.

Yet another entry that shamelessly uses an attractive man as a boytoy prop <333 For a brief moment, Bàrbara and Tiago establish themselves as a pair of lovestruck La La Land idiots, gearing themselves towards the EPIC moment where she will dump him... and then this happens before the first chorus:

Barbara opens up a can of dancer carbs and it completely fucks up her no-bullshit keto diet. 

Those dancers man. They aren’t a *bad* addition in itself, but if your thing is “romance ballad but *plot twist* it’s actually an end of romance ballad get lost loser” do not burn the clou within the first minute of the performance to a group of dancers who don’t even dance *along with the beat of your song*. UGH.

(and also, more devastatingly, the reduce tiaGOD’s airtime how dare they grrr)

Fortunately though, I have learned to appreciate the wrecktitude of it all because it caused one of the funniest downfall narratives in recent ESC history. The Portuguese were, of course, foaming at the mouth with all the decisions Bárbara had made (not even for the points I raised, necessarily?) and Bárbara was having none of it. It went kinda like this

Juries: EWWW DANCERS AND CHOREOGRAPHY YOU ARE RAPING YOUR OWN SONG YOU PHILISTINE WHORE. Bárbara: 

Juries: WOW WHAT *ARROGANCE*!! YOU THINK YOU CAN WIN BUT BOY DO WE HAVE NEWS FOR YOU :-) 

and lo hand behold, the finale rolls on and Tinoco’s dancers are still there, and are even *MORE* present than they were in the semi (but also in sync with the beat) and Bárbara gets promptly jurydunked into third place. 😍 Even though she has the *ONLY* song in FdC that could have qualified in its semifinal. 😍  A woman who stands three apples tall trolling an entire nation and juries because she knew she had gold in her hands and then getting rigged out of the easiest nf victory out of pure SPITE 😍  WHAT AN ARC. 😍

Portugal 2020 vs Portugal 2021

Elisa probably would not have qualified. I’m not sure how popular of an opinion this is, but I prefer the semifinal performance of “Medo de sentir” and that wasn’t the staging they were going for. Not many people seemed to care either way, and that’s usually the death sentence for Portugal. 

Elisa won’t be back for 2021 or whenever Eurovision is rebooted. :sigh: Fuck you, Coronavirus. 

Freaky! Friday! Factor!

See: NF Corner:

Score: 4 Senhits out of 5. 

[suuniva]

Chicken Soup

Chapter One: Your a What?!

-

"Achoo!" "I told you you shouldn't have done that stupid dare." "But it was a dare! You have to do dares." I stared down at Arctic like I was looking at a child. For some backstory, Arctic dragged me off to this party one of her old high school friends were hosting. For the most part, the party wasn't too bad. I kinda enjoyed it. But of course, somebody thought we should play some Truth or Dare. Ah, Good Ol' Truth or Dare. The classic party game for high school and college parties. Except for the fact that we aren't high school/college students but actually grown adults. But of course, us drunk adults thought that it would be an amazing idea for us to play a game intended for tweens. And at first, it wasn't that bad. You know, the usual dares, "Kiss the person next to you, take off a piece of clothing". Then stuff started to get...weird. Kiss the person next to you turned into steal one of the neighbor's potted plants while wearing all black and singing the alphabet backward. And take off a piece of clothing became streak down the street naked in the pouring rain while scream-singing LA Devotee by Panic! At The Disco. And of course, this idiot of a friend I have when dared to streak down the street naked actually did it. "God forbid they think me too much a coward to streak down the street naked in the rain!" And that is why we are in the situation we are in right now. "Moonlight, please help I feel horrible!" Arctic groaned and sneezed again. "My head feels like it has been run over twice and my eyes feel like they're going to come out with all the pounding going on behind them. I can't hold any food down, and my body hurts all over." "I told you not to do the dare and warned you on your third drink that if you kept going you were going to be very hungover. But guess who ignored ALL my warnings. YOU said, "I'm an adult. I can make my own decisions. You aren't my mother". I hate to tell you I told you so, but I did tell you so!" Arctic dragged herself out of bed, crawled herself over to me, and wrapped her arm around my waist, despite my protests. "Please I'm so sorry for not listening to you even though you were right. I know I shouldn't have done the dare and I shouldn't have downed those two whiskey bottles and I shouldn't have- well you get the idea. I know I should have listened to you, and I made a mistake and-" I shushed her and looked down at her sweat and tear-stained face. I took a deep breath and sighed while rubbing the bridge of my nose. "Fine just get back in bed we can't have you getting any sicker than you already are. I need to call my conductor to tell him I'm going to have to miss today's rehearsal. Also, I need to call my mom and see if she knows any at-home remedies for the flu. Good thing you're on vacation right now or I'd have to call your boss too and you would have a lot of explaining to do." "What about my hangover?" Arctic sniffled. "I'll check the internet." ← ♫ → Arctic was sleeping peacefully in the other room. My mom, who used to be a nurse, turned out to know a lot of at-home remedies for the flu. She told me a few but it turns out I only needed one of them to get Arctic to feel good enough to go back to sleep. The conductor wasn't happy to hear that I wasn't going to go into rehearsal today since I'm the soloist but he agreed after I promised to have my solo down by tomorrow and be ready to play. "They're probably going to just work on the background and supporting parts and fix whatever problems they come across," I thought as I tuned my violin in preparation to practice. Just because I wasn't going to rehearsal today didn't mean I get to do nothing all day especially since I need to have my solo perfected by tomorrow. I lifted my bow to play the first notes of the solo in Violin Concerto No. 3 in G major, K. 216 by Mozart. While I played, I thought about some of the other remedies my mom had told me about. One of the very first ones she told me was, "Make her some chicken soup. A good, hearty, well-made chicken soup can help cure the flu any day. Also, it's light on the stomach and she'll need to eat something soon." "I'll make her some chicken soup when I'm finished practicing." I thought. About An Hour Later After I finished practicing, I carefully put my violin and sheet music away. After putting my violin out of reach of my German shepherd, Mint, I started looking for that cookbook my grandmother had given to me as a housewarming gift when I first moved in. I looked in the kitchen, my bedroom, both of the guest rooms, and my practice room. Hell, I even checked the bathrooms but it was nowhere to found. So I decided that the only other place it could be was the attic. As I pulled stairs down I wondered how it could've gotten up here since I remember putting it downstairs with the rest of the cookbooks I got as gifts and bought myself. "But then again it has been a while so maybe I'm wrong." Unlike some people, I clean my attic out once a month, so it wasn't that messy when I got up there. I looked through the books I had stored up here, but most of them were just old music theory notes and drawing notebooks from high school I had decided to keep. Now, I don't have that big of an attic and since I keep it neat for the most part I can usually find stuff up here but that cooking book has seemed to completely disappear off the face of the planet. I scratched the back of my head before putting everything back and preparing to head back downstairs. As I walked back to the stairs, I saw out of the corner of my eye a corner of the bight peeling background of the book. I ran over to it and picked it up. Sure enough, it was my grandmother's cookbook. This cookbook was written by my grandmother when she was only in her teens and she had intended it to be passed down to the eldest granddaughter in the family. Kinda weird but my grandmother was always a bit quirky especially in her younger days. Not that I knew her then but my grandfather always told me stories of the trouble he and grandma had gotten into when they were younger. When I got to the kitchen, I opened the cookbook to the table of contents and flip to the page that the chicken soup recipe was on. "Okay chicken, four carrots, four stalks of celery, 1 large onion, water, municipal, salt, pepper, bay leaf, and thyme," I said as I pulled the items out of the cabinets. After getting everything out I filled I large a put with water and set a timer for when the water would be done boiling. While the water came to a boil, I started cutting up the vegetables into sizable portions. When the water started to boil, I put everything into the pot including the bay leaves and thyme stalks. The recipe said to let the whole mix simmer until the meat started falling off the bone. While waiting, I looked through a couple of the other recipes in the book. In a few minutes, the chicken was falling off the bone, so I flipped back to the recipe to see what to do next. It said to strain the entire soup to remove the bones and thyme stalks. After I did that I cut the chicken into smaller, easier to eat pieces and added them back to the soup. Then I put everything back into the pot and returned it to the heat. While stirring to make sure it didn't burn, I thought about my grandmother. Soon after I moved to Sydney to join the orchestra here, my grandmother had moved back to her hometown in Korea, so I didn't see her very often much anymore. My parents weren't very supportive of my dream of becoming a musician when I was starting out. They're much more open to it now and started trying to attend some of my concerts even though it kinda hard since they still live in Korea and most of our concerts are here in Australia. But back then my grandmother was the only one who had helped me move out here. She had even stayed for a couple of months in my house to make sure I settled in nicely. Right before she left she gave me the cookbook I'm using now. Near the end of her visit, she started acting strangely. Sometimes I would hear her talking things that weren't there. Other times she would just leave certain rooms really quickly and refuse to go back into them for hours. I tried to ask her about it sometimes, but she would never tell me anything. Ignoring her sometimes strange behavior, my grandmother was the sweetest person I ever knew. During the time she was here, she almost always cooked. Whenever I came home from rehearsals, she was always so ready to listen to my entire day and all my problems. She even gave me my name 'Moonlight' against my parent's wishes, but they had already promised to let her. I mean, Moonlight' isn't exactly a traditional name. Not only that, she pretty much completely taught me how to cook. I remember she would always half hum half sing a specific tune whenever I was in the kitchen with her. She never taught me the song but I still manage to memorize it. Almost without thinking about it, I started to sing the song. Just hearing the lyrics brought back a million memories. I wish I had more time to visit her. I miss her. Suddenly, I heard a loud crash from behind me. I spun around, spoon in hand, only to see a random, rather large man standing in the middle of my living room. Now when I say large, I mean very large. I mean he would have towered over most people. The strangest part of him, though, was the fact that his eyes were glowing bright crimson. "Who the hell are you?!" I shouted at the stranger. Completely ignoring me, he shouted back, " How were you able to summon me?!" I faltered, "What?" He seemed to grow angrier at this, and I swear on my deathbed I heard a growl, "I said, how did you summon me?!" "Summon you?! All I was trying to do was make some chicken soup." He paused at this, "What are you talking about?" "See!" I said gesturing to the soup I was stirring. "Well, you must have summoned me! If you hadn't, I wouldn't be standing here," He sneered. "Why would I want to be anywhere in a 50-mile radius of you?!" "Why you little -," he said taking a step closer to me. In an act of pure ADHD impulsiveness and fight or flight response, I threw the spoon I was holding at his head. While he was distracted by a spoon hitting in the middle of his face, I ran to the kitchen. He recovered fast than I expected. Soon enough he was turning back to me madder than before. When I saw him, turn towards me I threw my cookbook at him too. Now this cookbook is a very thick book. Like I mean 600+ pages, thick. I didn't see him get hit by the book even though I would've like to because I yanked open the knives draw and grabbed the biggest one I could find and whirled around. When he got up, I expected him to rush at me again. But instead, he was staring at my grandmother's cookbook. He picked the book of the ground and started flipping through the pages. Every page he looked at, he seemed to get even more confused. I wasn't sure why he was looking through the pages of an elderly woman's recipes for meat pies and roast beef but I was sure that I wasn't about to put the knife in my hands down. Finally, he stopped and looked at me. Then he said, "Where did you get this from?" Why wasn't he trying to attack me anymore? I stayed quiet. "This is no game!" he shouted, "Where did you get this?!" "What are you talking about?! That was a gift from my grandmother! " I shouted back, kinda scared and worried. "Do not lie!" He growled, "Now tell me where you really got this from." "I'm not lying!" I yelled back, " And even if I was lying, why should I tell you anything?! You are a stranger! I know nothing about you. You are NOT allowed to barge into my house and start threatening me to tell you anything about my life!" He started walking towards me again, no doubt even angrier. When he was a few feet from me, I hefted the knife in front of me. He stopped and eyed the knife and me for a minute before coming closer. As much as my body was telling me to back up and away from him, I didn't do either because I didn't want him to think I was scared even though I was. Mainly though, I didn't want to get trapped anywhere. I hefted the knife a bit higher. He stopped again. Then, He laughed?! "Oh sweetie, that can't do anything to me." What is he talking about? It's a knife. Of course, it can hurt him. As confidently as I thought I still wasn't sure. "Of course it can. You would have to be immortal or invulnerable to survive a knife to the heart." "What you don't seem to be getting is that just what I am." he sneered, "Immortal and invulnerable." "Just w - what are you?" I stuttered out of fear. "Why sweetie," he said, "I'm a demon. And you summoned me." Then I blacked out.

-

There she is! This is my first proper story so I would really love to here feed back and advice on how to make it better. If you took the time to read this story of mine, thank you! I really do appreciate it. Chapter 2 will be done and up in a couple of days.

[snorlaxlovesme]

removing “Home” from the movie was an injustice to Anna’s arc and here’s why

Anna’s part in “Some Things Never Change” 

introduces the theme of change in the movie 

foreshadows Anna’s codependency on Elsa in the repeated line “holding on tight to you” 

Anna’s song “Home”

shows just how much Anna LOVES Arendelle (after 10ish years of not being a part of her own kingdom) and wants to give back to them 

shows how grateful Anna is (after 10ish years) to not be in isolation anymore

foreshadows Anna’s codependency by stating how she would lose herself without her family

mentions blessing “this good and solid ground” which based off the animation of the scene could be literal (and more foreshadowing to the disruption of the earth) or just referencing the solid relationship she has with her family

LOOK. one of the most often overlooked things about Frozen (imo) was Anna’s isolation. it’s very easy to talk about Elsa’s isolation bc the spotlight is shined on it at every possible occasion, but for some reason the fact that Anna was alone for ten years of her life for literally NO reason that she could fathom is like....not something people tend to dwell on? “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman” talks about how Anna not only is getting ignored by Elsa, but just about EVERYONE (parents, staff, etc), to the point of her talking to paintings and watching the clock bc she has nothing else to do and no one else to talk to. her life has been has been void of love and attention for so long that of COURSE she’s going to cling to it once she’s finally found it. and what better way then to touch on that subject than through song? OH WAIT

like i GET that Some Things Never Change is the big ensemble piece and that it also introduces Olaf’s fascination with change, Elsa’s restlessness and the calling Voice, and Kristoff’s proposal plans, I understand that. it’s important to the plot to be there bc it introduces the themes of the movie and every character’s upcoming arcs. OH WAIT

not for Anna!!

 it’s interesting to me that after the decision to scrap “Home”, the songwriters didn’t decide to beef up Anna’s lines in “Some Things Never Change” more to make them more relevant to her character arc. Anna’s literal SOLE purpose in the movie is to fret over Elsa, initially seeming like a concerned sister and eventually clinging to her to the point where you can tell that Anna’s insistence that her sister stays safe is more about Anna than it is about Elsa.  

“I know how fragile things can be / If I lost them, I’d lose me” makes Anna’s worrying over Elsa throughout the movie (plus the entirety of “Next Right Thing”) hit home a lot more solidly than having to reconcile the fun, quirky, loving Anna from the first movie with High Anxiety Anna from the sequel in your own head. Songs in Disney musicals are supposed to spell out the characters intentions and Anna was the only character who didn’t GET that in the beginning of this movie, leaving everyone to wonder what exactly her arc was supposed to be about.

and considering the wrap-up of Anna’s non-arc was becoming queen, wouldn’t it have made sense to include a song that spends 50% of it talking about how much Anna loves her kingdom and wants to do more for it? instead of having Anna’s actions be once again just be kind of stapled on to Elsa’s arc? bc the way the movie is now, Anna’s becoming queen has more to do with Elsa deciding to leave to go on her spiritual journey and therefore leaving the thrown empty than it has to do with Anna actually deserving or WANTING the crown. 

AND while we’re here, could Kristoff’s “my love isn’t fragile” line at the end of the movie be a callback to Anna’s lyric “I know how fragile things can be”?? Anna knows what its like to be dropped for no reason. Elsa stopped talking to her for ten years. Hans left her to freeze to death. it makes sense for Anna to view the current love in her life as fulfilling and equally fragile, bc it’s so so easy for things to change at the drop of a hat. Kristoff’s very sweet (but seemingly random with how the movie is now) line that his love isn’t fragile could have been a nod to this line in “Home,” which also would have done a better job of completing his little “Lost in the Woods” arc, by showing that even though he’s been confused about Anna’s path in their journey, his love isn’t one of the fragile things she needs to worry about

SO basically “Home” would have added layers of complexity to Anna’s formless arc in Frozen II, and instead all she got was singing about Peter Pumpkin’s decomposition, and I’m salty

[ajuimaginary]

Soulmate Mingyu

Part of the Seventeen Soulmate Series

Your pen tapped out an absent minded pattern on the paper in front of you, note-taking long forgotten. You were sitting in the middle of your classroom in high school, ignoring your teacher in favour of your own drifting imaginings. 

It wasn’t your fault you were distracted, At least not this time. You were watching artwork sketch itself across your arms.

Your soulmate connection was causing the marks, of course: that familiar link every person shared with a destined future true love. Your skins became canvases tied together by fate, and when one was marked in any way, the other would share an identical imprint. 

Right now, your soulmate was drawing neat patterns of flowers, a basic blue ballpoint pen sketching them line by line so they pooled over his bare skin, and in turn, appeared on your own hands, coming from no where.

You wanted to express for affection for the artwork, so you followed a pattern that had become familiar to the two of you, and you drew the outline of a little heart just under his drawings.

You waited, and like always, you had a quick response. A second, slightly larger heart was etched alongside it from your soulmate’s end. Perfectly, artistically, formed. It was his reply. An assurance that he felt the same way.

You felt a flutter in your real heart. You hoped you would never stop being this moved by even the smallest of moment between you. When the bell rang to end the lesson, you barely noticed. 

No one would blame you though. There was nothing quite so exciting as signs of a link with a soulmate. Especially when you hadn’t met one another yet, and your joined skins were your only communication. 

Although, you and your soulmate knew a few things about each other already.

In most nations, when babies were born, it was common for parents to seek the basic soulmate info their child might want when they were older. A pen with ink safe for newborn skin was owned by most hospitals. It was used to write  soulmate? across the baby’s forehead. If the soulmate was already born, their parents would see the mark appear, and they would send a reply saying yes, then possibly exchange more info. If the soulmate was not born yet, it was a matter of waiting until the word soulmate? appeared, sent from the other end. 

Because of this tradition, in your early years, your parents and your soulmates’ parents had already been in contact. You knew he was Korean. You knew his name was Kim Mingyu. You knew he was a boy. You knew his birthday. 

Those were the only details that hospitals and parents traditionally bothered to exchange. They left the rest to the kids. You knew in some cultures the parents would be taking the info they got to consult astrologists or religious leaders for more insight. But that was the extent of it. 

In the largely globalized world of the modern age, it was taboo in most countries for parents to interfere by continuing communications across their infants’ skin. It was considered more organic to let the children establish ties as they grew up. They could decide for themselves if they wanted to know more before meeting one another. You and your soulmate had long ago come to an agreement that you wanted to do most of your discovering in person, whenever the universe turned its destined pages and bound your paths together. 

You were happy knowing one another’s names, and had spent all your lives working to know each other’s languages too. You could tell he’d become quite good with yours because of the ease he wrote down the occasional thing he wanted to remember- like a song title or a movie. And you knew he’d seen your abilities with Korean as well. 

The other things you’d discovered about him intrigued you beyond belief. He seemed crazily talented. Almost unfairly talented.  

His talents came through in bits and pieces throughout your childhood, when he was bored during what must have been the Korean school day. It was pretty common in your world for people to draw on their own skin. Who didn’t like the idea of a little extra communication with their soulmate? So you would watch doodles paint patterns on your arms, and see how good Mingyu was at art - from little geometric designs to quirky cartoon figures, some of which you recognised, and some which (after a little Googling) introduced you to comic books he must have enjoyed. 

There were also the recipes. They were less common, and he only seemed to make those notes if he had no other means to record his food ideas. They made your heart flutter more than anything else, because your soulmate could apparently cook, and cook well at that. 

He would scrawl notes to himself on the bare skin of his forearm: ideas about ingredients, or spice combos. One time, when you were only about twelve years old, he wrote out a whole recipe in a quick scrawl, like he was trying to get it noted down quickly to try at home later. Interest raised, you also decided to try it as well. Only problem was, his handwriting was hard to read from his rush to get it all written. After squinting at it for a while, you circled a couple of things on your own arm, and wrote little question marks beside it, hoping he would see, and clarify for you. 

Sure enough, the recipe began to rewrite itself out on your other arm. It was in someone elses hand-writing this time, because using his non-dominant right hand would have been even messier. You wondered who was writing it, thinking fondly of your soulmate asking for their help.

Thanks, you wrote under it, adding a little heart.

He drew a returning heart, and, most likely, returned to cooking.

Ever since then, that had been your routine. A small heart when you wanted to express affection, and an answering heart from the other person.

You started to thank each other when you accidentally provided a good recommendation for a song, or a movie, and as time passed, you started to deliberately write things you wanted to share. 

When you stumbled across a cartoon with a character you’d seen him doodle before, you always let him know what you thought. When his friends all watched a movie he knew you’d seen before, he would tell you if he’d enjoyed it. 

It was such a simple way to be connected, but it warmed your heart each time.

-

When your soulmate reached his late teenage years, he must have started getting into performing, because occasionally some truly dramatic stage make up looks would appear on your face that you were pretty sure he couldn’t be for day to day events. Sometimes, they were embarrassing - appearing at times you did not want to have that intense of a smoky eye. Sometimes, they were really perfectly timed - you were delighted at the seemingly professional level of quality you were given for free through your soulmate. 

As well as the make up, the occasional scrawls your soulmate added to the back of his hand sometimes looked like song lyrics. Usually just a few short bars, in messier than normal handwriting that indicated to you he must have had to jot them down quickly. It added to your theory that he was interested in performing. 

You wondered if he was passionate enough about performing to put song covers online or something. Perhaps you might have even glimpsed his face before around Youtube. The thought made you grin, but you would have no way of knowing for sure until you met him.

One of the nicest surprises came to you one day when you were listening to music on Spotify- a decent mix of English songs and K-pop (which you’d been listening to for a long time since you knew the language anyway.) You were playing random playlists you found, seeking new music, and then suddenly one of the songs played some rap bars you definitely recognized. You checked the song title - 기대 - and the group name - Seventeen. And you added it instantly to your library. 

You were sure your soulmate must have sung the song before, and as always when you discovered a little connection like that, the moment of recognition was thrilling.

You picked up a pen, and then wrote along your arm.

Hi Mingyu, I just listened to 기대  by Seventeen!

There was a pause much longer than usual before you got any response. You went about your day with the letters on your arm, wondering when he would write something back. Usually his replies were quick. But it was when you were getting ready for bed that he finally wrote back.

Sorry it took me so long to reply. 

You frowned in confusion, but more letters began to appear.

Did you like the song? Did you watch a performance? Do you know anything about Seventeen? Did you look them up?

It was an odd series of questions. 

I didn’t watch anything, you responded, and I haven’t looked them up. Should I have?

You waited, feeling very anxious suddenly, like you had done something wrong. Mingyu seemed sharper and more upset than usual. You watched his questions wash off your arm as he removed them to make room to write more, and you quickly went to your bathroom sink to wash your side of the conversation away as well.

On the blank slate, Mingyu wrote:

No! Don’t look them up! Promise me you won’t. 

How strange... 

You stared at the request for a long time.

Okay. You wrote. I promise. 

You waited for more explanation, but he wrote nothing else for a long time. You picked up your pen again, hesitated, and added:

I liked the song though. Can I still listen to it?

Mingyu drew two adorable hearts first, and wrote: Of course you can. I don’t want to order you around, I’m sorry, it’s just important to me that you don’t look up that group. Feel free to listen to the song though.

Another pause.

What did you like about it?

You laughed a little.

It’s really nice! There’s kind of a soothing but cool style to it. Even the way it starts off it amazing. I think the voices have a kind of story telling vibe to them. 

You waited for his response.

I like that too. He wrote. And then he put a few more hearts, and said goodnight. You both washed off your arms and you went to bed.

You had no idea what was going on, but you wanted to respect his wishes and his boundaries, so you didn’t press the issue. You simply let it go. But you listened to 기대 almost every day for a while after, and you especially loved the lines that you remembered Mingyu had written on his arm.

- 

One year after the 기대 incident, your world changes for ever.

You knock on your best friend’s front door, smiling at the pink balloons tied on the letter box and around the doorway. Her little sister yanks the door open, a huge grin on her face.

“Welcome, Y/N!” she yells happily. “It’s my birthday!”

“I know, sweetie,” you smile back at her, handing her the gift in your hands, and watching her squeal with excitement, shaking it violently in her hands. “I can’t believe you’re six years old already! I’m here to help set up the party.”

She guides you through to the back garden, chattering happily about how all her class is coming to join the fun. You respond with the expected enthusiasm, and gasp in amazement when you walk out onto the decorated back lawn. Your best friend waves you over as soon as she sees you.

“Thanks again for offering to help with the party!” she says. “Can you run the face painting? You only need to do really basic looks. We even have some examples the kids can pick from, so you won’t have to think of any complicated designs yourself.”

You look at the sheet of card she’s holding, with a tiger, butterfly wings, a pirate, and other classic kids’ designs she must have printed off from the internet, and you agree you can do the job.

There’s a bit of time to kill before the actual event begins, so you decide to practice some face painting on yourself. It will get you used to this set of paints and it will probably get the kids more excited when they arrive to see an example of the work on the person painting them.

You pick the tiger, and start by covering your face with orange, then adding stripes where you can see them on the guide, a pink nose, and long black whiskers, turning your face from side to side in the tiny mirror so you can see what you’re doing. When the look is complete, you’re actually pretty pleased with yourself. 

“Looking good, Y/N!” your friend yells out from across the lawn.

“I’ll paint you next?” you offer.

She comes over, pulls out the second chair at the face painting station, and sits down in front of you.

“Can you give me the butterfly?” she requests. 

But as you lift your hand to begin painting her face, you let out a gasp, and freeze, staring at the frantic letters forming across your skin.

Y/N please don’t keep that on! please wash your face now! 

It’s about a hundred times messier than Mingyu’s usual handwriting. He must be freaking out.

“What’s going on?” your friend asks.

In answer, you flip your hand over. Her eyes scan the letters, and her brows raise. 

“Well, go on then! He’s still writing more ‘please’s! Go wash your face!” she says, all but pushing you out of your seat.

Still confused by Mingyu’s urgency, you turn and race toward the house, stopping at the first sink you see, in the kitchen, and slamming on the tap so fast you spray water down your front. 

You dab haphazardly at your face, the water running orange and black and swirling away down the sink. 

Your skin feels pink from scrubbing when you stop. You stare at the back of your hand again. It’s blank now. He must have washed off his pleading. A single phrase forms, still a little rushed, but you can almost feels his thankfulness in each letter.

Thank you so much. I’ll explain later.

And that’s all. 

Mingyu doesn’t try to communicate again until the party ends. You’re helping to clean up, chucking paper cups empty of coca cola into a rubbish bag. Your best friend’s little sister, the birthday girl, is napping on a couch inside, totally tired after the day’s events.

As you reach down to pick up the next cup, you see new writing appear on your arm. You sit down right there on the grass, watching it appear. 

So I know you listen to KPop, which means you’ll probably hear about this soon enough. So I’ll tell you first... something happened today. And it made me decide I want to meet you. Is that okay?

You stare at the words in confusion. But all the times you’ve talked, Mingyu has been a little long winded when explaining things, so you’re sure you’ll understand eventually. 

You find a pen, and write back... That’s okay. 

Good. Says Mingyu. Did you know KCon LA was this week?

Yeah

Well I’m at KCon LA right now. And this thing happened. And I know I need to see you now. Send me your address, please. I have enough to pay for all my transport, no matter how far away you are. I’m taking a break from work anyway. I have to find you. Please?

You’re shaking by the time you finish reading his excited words. Something really dramatic must have happened for him to change his mind like this... to want to meet you right away no matter what. 

You could never refuse him. You write out your home address in careful letters on your arm. 

Thank you. Mingyu writes. And while I’m on my way... you can look my name up online. And then

He pauses for a minute or so. 

watch the video from this link www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PrXNl05CWM. He takes his time getting every number of the link right, and then continues. It’s embarrassing, but when you watch it, you’ll understand. I’ll see you as soon as possible. 

Okay, Mingyu. I’ll see you soon. You write back.

You’re almost afraid to do everything he’s asked. It seems so dramatic. But before panic can take over, you see one more tiny shape form. A single inky heart. 

And you smile. 

You explain to your friend, head home, open your laptop, and type Kim Mingyu into Google. The first result is a KPop profile; facts and Profile for MinGyu, member of thirteen member Korean boygroup Seventeen. 

One hand over your mouth in shock, you click through and quickly skip past the picture (you’re not ready for that) to read what the profile says, trying to make the information sink in. You read facts you already knew about your soulmate - name: Kim Mingyu, born: 06 April 1997, hometown: Anyang, South Korea - along with brand new information - position: lead rapper, height: 187cm - and you try to piece it all together with your reality. 

Your mind flashes back to that day when you listened to your first Seventeen song and he asked you not to look up anything more about that group. When you were so charmed by the rapping. The smooth storytelling style to the flow of those lyrics...

And you scroll back up to the photo. You let out a little gasp. He’s beautiful. 

It takes a moment for that to feel real as well. But something about the photo they’ve chosen for the profile helps you. He’s impossibly handsome, of course, but he somehow manages to fit in with the picture of Mingyu you had in your mind, because he has a dorky pose, pointing a finger at the screen. It makes him feel more real. More human. More yours...

And then that comforting feeling fades in and out rapidly when you switch straight to Google images and spend about an hour scrolling through photos of your stunning, gorgeous, sexy soulmate. Your head is spinning by the end of it. In some photos, you can see that personality you’ve been getting to know. The sweetness, the slight foolish charm of him, the talents in art that seems to translate to his fashion sense as well, the shots of him cooking... but at the same time, he looks more beautiful than you dared let yourself imagine. 

Your favourite thing is spotting bits of writing on his arms. Your writing. And a whole ton of little hearts.

Then you type out his Youtube link, that he spent so long writing out properly to make sure you would watch the right video. It’s only hours old. A performance  MNet uploaded of Seventeen at KCon earlier that same day. 

You watch as the boys, all thirteen of them, come out on stage and begin their song. But about halfway through, their expressions start to change when they glance at Mingyu, and when the camera comes in closer, you see your soulmate’s face has turned orange. Then the black stripes begin to form. The boys are faltering in their dance steps now, not sure if they should continue. 

Mingyu looks annoyed, like he can’t understand why their performance is falling apart.

Then he catches sight of himself on the monitors. And his jaw drops. And he freezes.

You must have been just finishing off your face paint at that time, because the tiger is nearly completely there. The pink nose adds a hilarious softness to Mingyu’s horrified expression. The crowd is laughing, obviously quite charmed by the display, and amused by its poor timing so much that they don’t mind it messing up the planned show. But Mingyu seems upset by it... as do some of his friends, who must have worked so hard getting ready for this day.

On go the tiger whiskers, long and slightly curved, forming one by one around that lovely nose. None of the boys are moving now. The close up camera is fixed on Mingyu. 

The member with the round cheeks steps forward suddenly, saying something funny about Soulmates into the microphone. It makes the rest of the members swirl into action. Some of them crowd around Mingyu, and two with concerned expressions usher him from the stage. The round cheeked one keeps speaking, clearly taking charge of the damage control. 

“Thank you, Jeonghan and The8, please take care of Mingyu and return quickly!” 

Two more of the boys seem to shake themselves from their surprise as the round-cheeked one beckons them forward, and they start speaking in fluent English to the crowd. They say they’ll move on to their unit performances now, and leave Hip Hop team for last so Mingyu can come back with his face paint gone... and that’s it.

That’s the end of the video. 

You can see the recommended next clip is for Seventeen’s other performances, so you know they must have finished as they planned. And since you washed off the face paint fast, you know Mingyu must have returned in time for his performance. But you feel bad for him anyway. He must have been upset to have that happened in front of a whole audience...

You scroll the Youtube comments for a bit. People are amused, or feeling sorry for him, or intrigued by any sign of a soulmate, or surprised that MNet even uploaded the interrupted performance (though you’re sure they’re delighted by its entertainment factor... the clip already has a ridiculously high number of views.)

And after that, it all feels too much for you. The truth is too intense. You close your laptop and go to find your family, so you can tell them what’s happened and get ready for your visitor. 

The thought makes you smile again. A little happy tremble goes through you. You get to meet your soulmate soon... You get to meet Mingyu.

- 

He knocks timidly on the door when he arrives, and you fly to answer it, barely noticing each step as your feet swallow up all the space between you until all that remains is your front door.

You take a deep breath, hand on the handle, and fling it open.

“Mingyu,” you gasp.

There he stands, looking shy and awkward, face graced by a slightly giddy smile he can’t seem to keep down. You find that despite running to meet him, you’re now frozen where you stand. His warm honey eyes scan over you though, skating across the features on your face, shifting down your body, and he looks so happy you might just melt where you stand.

“Hi, Y/N,” he whispers. “Did you look it up?”

You nod. And then words begin to pour out of him, in the same rushed way he writes, a long-winded explanation that makes your heart squeeze with pure affection. 

“I realised after that performance that we were being stupid to wait to meet each other- to hope that the world would throw us together some, even though we were bound to be desperately thinking about one another every second until it happened. Or at least, I thought about you...”

He steps forward, lifts his hands and cradles your face.

“I was always worried about making you a part of my life too soon. I though I had all the time in the world to meet you, and what if I did meet you too soon, and I just messed it all up right away? As if it were possible to ever spend too much time together...”

He laughs, and when you join in, his smile becomes blinding.

“After today I know this is what I want. I want to be with you. I want us to know every detail of each others lives. I want a public, open, happy relationship with you before the eyes of the entire world. I don’t want anyone to see that video and think it was embarrassing. I want it to be the story of how we came together. I want it to be the beginning. Is that what you want?”

He’s so gorgeous, and the two of you are destined, so it’s a surprise to see how nervous he looks. As if you would ever turn him down.

“This is want I want,” you assure him.

And, hands still warm on your face, he kisses you for the first time. 

[enbouton]

Character meme! Kim, Gus, Lydia.

KIM

favorite thing about them

Where to begin? She’s so smart and determined and real. She’s reserved but loving. She’s serious and professional but has a dry, quirky sense of humour. And the show never lets us forget how hard she has to work.

least favorite thing about them

I’m trying to think of one and coming up with nothing. Kim isn’t perfect, but her flaws just make her more interesting to watch and root for.

favorite line

I have to acknowledge “I save me” and “let’s do it again”, but can we get some recognition for the absolute delight that is “I’m in the bar at Forque… and I’ve got a live one on the hook”? (And the implication that she kept up the Giselle act with Dale for the full hour it would have taken Jimmy to drive from Santa Fe to Albuquerque?)

brOTP

Kim and Paige!

OTP

McWexler, but, like, in a sad, “they’re doomed” way. Kim and Jimmy have such a strong bond, but I don’t love the idea of Kim staying with Jimmy after he becomes Saul. Ethical issues aside, I think it would be too painful for her— imagine watching the person you love embrace their worst qualities to the point of building a whole new identity around them.

nOTP

Kim x not getting the personal and professional fulfillment she deserves.

random headcanon

She’s been a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 ever since “keep circulating the tapes” referred to actual tapes. She likes the black-and-white sci-fi movies best and prefers Joel to Mike.

unpopular opinion

The only controversial Kim Opinion I have is that she’s from Kansas, not Nebraska. I don’t have any rationale for it— I was just looking at Google Maps for small towns near the state line, saw Bird City, KS, and went “oh, cool name!”.

song i associate with them

A year ago I, uh, wrote a shot-by-shot sketch of an entire animated dream sequence about Kim set to the Beach Boys’ “Wouldn’t It Be Nice”. I keep doing this with different ideas and characters even though I don’t know how to animate or have any music rights. It’s a problem.

But also, “Another Day of Sun” from La La Land. It’s superficially a bright, happy song about chasing your dreams and never giving up, but the lyrics are largely about frustration, alienation and fear.

favorite picture of them

Every picture of Kim is a good picture, but I had to pick one from the scene where she tells Jimmy she got Mesa Verde, because she’s just so happy it’s wonderful.

LYDIA

favorite thing about them

She’s brittle but strong! I also like that she’s socially awkward in a way that isn’t played as cute or attractive.

least favorite thing about them

She murdered a lot of people and was passive-aggressively rude to Delores. Also, chamomile tea with soy milk is a cursed drink.

favorite line

The entirety of her monologue about the train, because it implies that she just had all that stuff in her head ready to rattle it off at a moment’s notice, and/or she’d thought in depth about the logistics of train robbery before.

brOTP

Gus— I choose to believe (curt phone call notwithstanding) that they share a special bond. Also Mike, because they contrast each other so well. (Fun fact: in the Czech BrBa dub, Mike and Gus address each other using the formal “you”, but Mike and Lydia use the familiar “you”.)

OTP

It’s a dead heat between Skyler and Kim. I love Skyler/Lydia but most of the iterations I have in my head are really dark and bleak. Kim and Lydia would play off each other in some interesting ways, at least until Kim found out about Lydia’s unrepentant life of crime.

nOTP

Walt/Lydia, I guess?

random headcanon

She had a special interest in space as a child and probably wanted to work in mission control at the Johnson Space Center when she grew up. She still loves planetariums. 

unpopular opinion

I mean, I fully accept that the show portrayed Lydia’s poisoning as a murder, but ricin poisoning is more survivable than you might think. She lives!

song i associate with them

Muse - “The Second Law: Isolated System"

favorite picture of them

this is an awful screencap but it’s my favourite pic of her. ta-daaaaa~~

GUS

favorite thing about them

His calmness, particularly because he seems to have to work at it, as opposed to being naturally laid-back.

least favorite thing about them

His sadistic streak, and/or treatments of him that emphasise it.

favorite line

“I don’t think we’re alike at all, Mr. White.” IMHO, Gus is most compelling when we can see him shift between modes— the very first time he dropped the polite, mild-mannered businessman act was electrifying.

brOTP

Lydia— see above.

OTP

Gus/Max, of course.

nOTP

Gus/Anyone Other Than Max

random headcanon

He was born in Arica in far northern Chile, where his mother’s family was from, but grew up mostly in Santiago. His birthdate is March 24, 1956. His full birth name is Gustavo Fring Leyva. He washes his hands like a surgeon and smells of fine wool, soap and vetiver.

unpopular opinion

Gus himself was never involved with the Pinochet regime. I’m still hanging on to this one, although the coati monologue put paid to my headcanon that he was the sheltered scion of a high-ranking officer.

song i associate with them

I invite you all to put on “Head Over Heels” by Tears for Fears and think about young Gus and Max in love in the eighties. You’re welcome.

favorite picture of them

any picture where he wears this expression while nurturing one of his Crime Children

[westcoastbroadway1443]

Be More Notes: my very long ramblings on BMC as I finally listen to the whole thing

Ok!  I’m finally doing it!  Now that the cast album is out I’m going to really give all of Be More Chill a listen, try to put the things that annoy me about the show aside, and give it a fair chance.  And have decided to do running commentary here for the nobody who gives a shit lol.  Going in I wanna say I’ve heard 4 full songs and random bits of other songs from the original soundtrack.  And I’ll be listening now to the OBC album plus watching a b**tlg, I’m not totally sure when it took place I just know Will Roland is in it so at the very least New York.  Keep in mind whatever I think of this show, if I end up hating it, if you like it you’re right.  My opinion in no way invalidated anybody else’s or is above anyone else’s in my eyes, frankly I don’t enjoy not liking things, it just means I don’t get to come to the party and that’s not fun.  So I might be poking fun at the show sometimes but if this speaks to you, that is fucking awesome!  Also I’m old now and I guess no longer the target audience for stuff like this.  

Spoilers for those who haven’t watched the show and don’t want to know stage stuff because I’ll be commenting on that.  This ended up being really long, eh.  

More Than Survive -ok this song I’ve heard before, and it both turned me off the show and also made me respect the hell out of it, because much like I give a salute to Black Mirror having the balls to make pig sex their pilot, I salute a musical that starts with jerking off -So far like Roland a little more than the previous guy.  From what I’ve gathered from clips, while that dude is hella talented and cute as a button I kind of buy Roland as a terrified, desperate, frustrated high school kid more   -Man I really do dig the hell out of the score and there is no denying this is catchy but some of these lyrics are so cringe -WHY IS A TEEN IN 2019 REFERENCING JOE PESCI?! -Ok I love the idea of a short bully calling somebody “tall ass” -I do like Jeremy’s body language better in this one. Also does he vocally remind anyone else of Max from Goofy Movie?  Maybe this song just reminds me  of “After Today” for no reason. -“super pimp” “mac daddy game”....OK!  I’m going to try not to list every time I cringe.  I just have questions -You don’t  want to be Clooney...high school child in 2019 is Clooney really your reference for cool?  Sorry I just struggle with this stuff because I keep hearing how this show is so in touch with kids these days but I just see:

-lol Michael came on and people went apseshit in the audience.  All my nitpicks aside I bet this room probably has some great energy. -..Michael the clerk at 7/11 doesn’t pour your slushie, it’s self serve.  Are you trying to seem cool to Jeremy right now? -Aah the boyfriend backpacks.  I know of this ship -Yeah Christine brings the flutes!!!  I was a flute player, we never get love -HAHA when Christine is doing her weird ass dance, in the recording I’m watching somebody right in front of the person recording just went “I don’t get this show”.  Like me too darlin, but you got 2 hours left so suck it up -Oh but sir, check the playbill.  The story is indeed about you -in summation this song kind of encapsulates everything I feel about this show, good performances and catchy as fuck and musically interesting and a lot of me asking “why”.

Play Rehearsal   -Well Christine is adorable -wow wait what?  wtf was that weird self harm comment???  Are we just gonna skip that??? -Ok I was a band kid in HS so I guess I don’t get this level of extra.  Band rehearsal is just tuning and then fucking around until somebody makes you play Bach -...is Christine ok??? -Ok I think at least for now I may hate her.  But I like that Jeremy likes her, likes her passion and such.  I approve of her conceptually!  I just don’t wanna be around her -I thought play rehearsal was gay, Rich?!  WHAT YOU DOIN AT PLAY REHEARSAL RICH?! -...I mean I’ve seen Romeo and Juliet as a zombie wasteland movie, I would watch Midsummer zombies

More Than Survive Reprise -”least I didn’t have a breakdown and have to go the nurse” Ok fair, I can relate to that high school experience -this set is kind of working for me, basic but fun and the floor is neat -I know high school bullies are a thing I guess? But I always just saw them in movies?  Now Middle School bullies were legit and terrible and I got the shit kicked out of me, but by HS I feel like everybody was too into their own shit to care much about anyone else??  Maybe that was just my school -Will Roland’s body language is real good in this show

The Squip Song -Oh!  Surprise Rich lisp. Creative way to show how this thing alters you -..ok now we know about Rich’s dick size.  I mean hon your short, maybe your penis is just proportionate?   -DO I DETECT SOME THEREMIN IN THIS ORCHESTRATION?!   Gimme all the theremin!   -Ok so the squip made him be an asshole?  Does he secretly want to be buddies with Jeremy? -Ok what the fuck are the people in the background doing here?!? -I know people ship Michael and Jeremy but I feel like Rich kinda wants to jump that tall ass??

Two Player Game -Ok the little sign for the game that came up was cute -These guys are kinda cute, even if I wish they’d tone down Michael’s “I’M QUIRKY!!  YOU GET IT?!?” shtick -That is accurate!  Y’all will be cool in college and I don’t see that brought up often -This is the first time I’ve found the choreography fun   -...why is this dad allergic to pants?? -ah.  Depression=no pants.  And now I get why Jeremy’s so desperate not to stay as he is.  Well points for making it not just about the girl -awww Michael is his bae -bro I’ve heard Loser Geek Whatever, you’re tellin lies right now to your buddy -LOL!  WTF IS THIS WINDOWS SCREENSAVER OF A VIDEO GAME?!? -oh wow dancin went off the rails here at the end

Squip Enters -Mountain Dew?  Well, better than Surge I guess.   -Ok the Ecto Cooler line legit made me laugh.  And I guess I could come down on the show for making Michael psyched about a drink that came out before he was born, but I have a pretty intense Crystal Pepsi obsession and that shit came out when I was maybe 4?  So I get it Michael, you go enjoy your liquid ghosts -well that squip thing doesn’t look fun -Oooooh Ok Keanu is like factory setting, alright I’ll accept this.  Though I will say this show would be 35% better if he was dressed like Keanu from Bill and Ted

Be More Chill Prt 1 -Hey stop shitting on Jeremy.  I think I kinda like him -wow Keanu, I didn’t think you’d be so mean -I mean everyone chanting “everything about you sucks” is just how peeps with anxiety feel constantly.  Eminem shirt ain’t gonna fix that -”Jerry-me” ok Will Roland is kind of making this work for me.   -Him repeating everything the squip said is a fun little sequence.  Like I dig this conceptually, scifi musicals are rare and can be neat - Lol the hate who they hate thing is pretty accurate

Do You Wanna Ride? -hey Jeremy what about Christiiiiine

Be More Chill Part 2 -the beginning of this song broke me a little.  Hey!  I’m feelin a thing! -this song is pretty fun!  It works!   -though the cast of like 10 people that just keep putting on different wigs make it feel like a high school play or a starkid production

Sync Up -ok so now I know I’m watching previews?  Because sync up isn’t here -I do think this song is a really good addition.  I mean it’s not like a stand out fantastic song but it does a good job getting across the themes and drives home the whole “everybody has problems” thing too which I like -Ok..dairy line was weird.  

A Guy I Could Kinda Be Into -Ok the weird girl fighting stuff about Jake is unpleasant and sort of unnecessary -a squip gives you a deep voice and the ability to kinda do accents.  Cool -ooo this is catchy, this is gonna make the spotify playlist -the goofy background hearts are cute.  I still don’t know why she’s into Jake or why she’s friends with Jeremy or if they should be together since legit the only thing she thinks they have in common is theater which he doesn’t care about..but this song is still cute -lol squips understand friend zone

Upgrade -DID THIS SHOW JUST KILL EMINEM?! -How did the squip know that?!  Does Eminem have a squip??  I mean it kinda makes sense.. -Don’t you see Jerbear?! The key to popularity is in this girl’s vagina!  Happy they cut the “I’ll tenderly guide you just take me inside you” thing, little creepy -Why did Jake make a kicking motion to illustrate cricket?  I’m like 85% sure Jake doesn’t know what cricket is... -the “feel all the feels” like is a little goofy but I really like the rewrite for this song, showing some depth of character.  Good job, show!  And I’m seeing some chemistry between these two, but I don’t know if I’m meant to? -Oh no!  The whole “you looked at me” thing from Brooke was so sweet and sad.  And the player two thing.  Yeah this OG version of this song can go fuck off, the rewrite is a really good tune.  I’ll admit the original maybe built up the horror a little, the squip sounds more threatening coming in at the end but I like where there going making this about everyone and not just Jeremy

Loser Geek Whatever -Squip blocked Michael??  You’re a dick, Keanu Reeves -I didn’t love this song when I first heard the single but hearing the version on the album and the stripped down piano version, I really really like it.  Gives me some of those old geek feels from back in the day -sort of surprise by how little is happening on stage though?  I sort of assumed something was happening as the song built?  But nope, just Will rocking his wee heart out -LOL!  What is Squip’s new outfit???

Halloween -Ah, it’s this show Big Fun.  This is a lot catchier than Big Fun though -I went to exactly one of these kinds of parties in HS, just replace Halloween with punks after a rock show and add a lot more drugs.  I didn’t hide in a bathroom but I did hide next to the stairs until my mom came and got me.  Memories!!  You know what this show is succeeding I suppose, it’s making me have HS feels -...is Jake dressed as Thomas Jefferson? -Jenna you’re too cute for that costume.  You should get to wear something sexy too!  Unless you just dig clowns in which case enjoy yourself hon -Ooooooh Prince, I get it -this is not this show’s fault at all but I struggle with dancing in shows.  I mean the title of my blog is The Girl Who Used to Hate Musicals because I did, and while I love them now extended dancing sequences still take me out of a show real fast.  I know I’m in the minority here -...what the fuck is that weird fuzzy thing with the big teeth -Hot damn!  Go Rich!  Dancin fool

Do You Wanna Hang? -I don’t like any part of this plot line... -Ok!  Didn’t realized she was dressed like a “sexy baby” so the diaper line sort of horrified me.  I mean it still does!  I just understand it now

Michael in the Bathroom -hey the bathtub!  Ok I know enough to know what happens now -Jeremy why you gotta be so mean -I mean what is there to say, great song.  I wondered if they’d change anything for the new recording and I dig the arrangement, especially the stripped down acoustic guitar and piano parts!! Also as a lady who maybe once or twice since discovering this song has gotten tipsy and sung it karaoke-like, appreciate the slower and the higher.  It’s not a lot, just a bit, but makes it less of a struggle to match.  Thanks bro!

A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into (Reprise) -Finally!  They’re both giant doofs but I see some connection!  And I mean my roommate and I have noises we always make at each other like a call and response, so I gets it -He asked it!  So proud.  Rejected but proud of the boy, and rejected for good reasons

The Smartphone Hour -Heard part of this song before.  Really like this Jenna more than original Jenna, her performance was a little much for me -This is one of those songs where I really do feel like I’m watching a HS original production..but a good one?  Maybe cause I haven’t seen something like this on Broadway, but that’s a good thing.  Always good to see new kinds of things on Broadway -lol what is the middle of this song?!  I feel like I’m suddenly watching a cheer squad or like a John Waters inspired musical, which from what little I know of Joe Iconis I think he’d be cool with that comparison

The Pants Song -Jeremy don’t be mean to your dad! -Yipes is this the Break in a Glove or Dead Gay Son of BMC?? -....yeah it totally is -”Do you love him??” Has Jeremy’s dad finally given up on finding a girl in Jeremy’s room? -Ok ok I’m gettin the ship

The Pitiful Children -So squip just looks like this now, I thought maybe he was just being fancy for Halloween -Hot damn Jenna!  Why were we savin that voice?! -I feel like I’m missing something with these weird hand motions the squip is always, do they actually mean something? -goosestepping...alright.  Oh no Jeremy did the hand motions, I think that means a thing

The Play -Jeremy is being so creepy but he means well?  I guess?   -lol using the play to spread the squips is pretty clever -wtf red mountain dew?  Really?  You know what fuck it, discontinued drinks for the win.  Maybe my saved bottles of Crystal Pepsi will stop an apocalypse one day! -Michael’s entrance was cute, and hey he just happens to have code red.  I wish ecto cooler was what shut it off. -The glitching voice is crazy when Jeremy is fighting Michael and I love the way Jeremy is sort of bobbing up and down in fighting stance like a video game character,  Fun touch -squip is making Jeremy go all Idle Hands! -I prefer the recording version of the guys making up, the whole “I just wanted to be liked” “I just wanted to be seen” thing -the squip has to be so extra even in death

Voices in My Head -hey lispy Rich is back!  And bi now I guess? -Oh is that why people think Michael/Jeremy are a thing?  The squip blocked Rich’s bi thoughts from him and it blocked Michael from Jeremy’s vision?  I mean it would be an interesting story, I’d take it. -This might be my favorite song and I don’t really know why, I don’t super love that Jeremy still gets Christine in the end but I just love how this song sounds -I’ve never heard a character wearing pants get an applause? -improved lyrics in the Broadway version, and since it got more into the popular kids as people you can kinda see why they’d still stay friend with Jeremy -”I’ll throw you a rope home slice if you need some dope advice” like is this parody?  What is this??  Well..still my fav song despite this line.  A line they liked so much it’s the one original popular kid line they kept in the new version??? -don’t know if I see much future for these two, but Jeremy’s reaction to the kiss was cute -”Of the voices in my head the loudest one is mine” is my favorite line of the show -lol Rich’s little sneak hug.  I feel like Rich always wanted to be friends with Jeremy?  Or had a crush on him and that’s why his squip made him beat Jeremy up?  Is this pairing a thing?

Final thoughts:  This was so stupid long, nobody read this but that’s ok!  It was fun to take notes anyway.  Listening to it all, I liked it more than I thought I would, especially with the lyric changes.  I don’t know if I would like it as much if it wasn’t Will Roland, the dude just really made this character likable when he could very easily not be.  Some of the lines still bug me, there’s still a lot of cringe here but there’s also a lot of good stuff.  This show introduced me to Joe Iconis and I’m slowly falling in love with him from his other work and CANNOT WAIT for Broadway Bounty Hunter because that sounds so like my jam.  Overall I do get why people like this show, especially younger people because you can relate to the characters but maybe you want something a little peppier than DEH.   I don’t think this is a soundtrack I’m going to ever listen to all the way through, but I’m for sure grabbing a handful of songs and sticking them on my musical play list.  And when this thing goes on tour and ends up in LA, I think it would probably be worth checking out if I can, looks like a fun watch.  Though with all the young fans and internet fans if they’re smart they’re gonna record this bitch.

[fandorkofeverything]

Doubts And Scars Chapter Six

//Katherine’s P.O.V//

It's been two weeks since we arrived in Horseshoe Overlook. Things have been pretty good so far. We've stayed in camp; we've stayed out of trouble. Hopefully nobody finds us or more importantly, knows us.

Over the past few weeks it's been a routine. Wake up, drink coffee, eat breakfast, sneak some to Kieran and Raine. Get water from the river, wash clothes, help Uncle Pearson with lunch. Then eat lunch, and sneak some to Kieran and Raine. Spend some time with Javier, talk to Sadie, check on John, helping Aunt Susan with whatever she needs. Finally, check in with Dad for the day, eat dinner, sneak some to Kieran and Raine, hang around the campfire for awhile and go to bed. It's been that way for two weeks, and I'm sick of it.

But, maybe now's my chance to get out of here for a bit.

"If you're going to take old man into town… Could you take us too?" I heard Aunt Karen ask, I looked up in interest, quickly making eye contact with Raine. We exchanged a smile and nodded in usion. Raine and I have grown close over these past few weeks, despite the insults from Bill and Sadie. She'll find her place eventually. Now, it's the time for her to get out in some civilization.

"Why? What'd you got planned?" Dad asked, lighting a cigarette. I scoffed in response.

"You know her, Dad. She'll find something to do. All of us women usually do." I crossed my arms with a smile.

"Your daughter's right, Arthur." Aunt Karen commented, followed by Tilly and Mary-Beth.

"We're bored out of our minds! Been cooped up here for two weeks now. Karen's about ready to murder Grimshaw." Mary-Beth commented, and I chuckled slightly.

"Come on, Dad! We might find some leads too." I put in, resulting in my father looking at me.

"Have you finished your chores?" I sighed, rolling my eyes at his response.

"'Have you finished your chores?' What's happened to you, Arthur? A few young, healthy women want you to take them robbing, and you're worried about house chores! Let's go!" Karen's words were enough to persuade him because he finally nodded in approval.

"Fair enough, you got me."

"Whoohoo!" I exclaimed, with a slight laugh. "C'mon, Raine!"

"Ah!" Dad grabbed me by the arm, lightly. "The O'Driscoll girl's not coming." I glared at him and rolled my eyes.

"Raine is coming. Plus, she's my responsibility. Wherever she goes, I go." I decided, pulling her close to me.

Dad shook his head and sighed. "Fine. But, like you said. She's your responsibility." I nodded and smiled.

"Great! C'mon, Raine!" I looked back to see the redhead standing further away from the carriage. I quickly walked over to her.

"Raine. You okay?" I asked her and she shrugged.

"I already know they don't like me… They're all like them…. But you're not like them. you're Why take me along?" I smiled at her, putting my hands on her shoulders..

"Because…. Stealing. Fighting. Robbing. Defending. Fighting to try to survive, it's how we live. We're not like the O'Driscolls, we would never let anything happen to you, or Kieran. If we have to fight, we fight. If we have to kill, we kill. But we don't put innocent lives in danger or kill them because we feel like it. We have dignity and humanity." I told her and she looked up at me, her deep blue eyes sparkling with hope.

"You promise?" I asked her and I nodded, standing up.

"I promise." I held out my hand, she smiled and took it. I held out my pinkie pinker and she clasped it with mine. "Have you ever broke a pinkie promise?" I asked her, she shook her head 'no.' "Neither have I." I motioned toward the carriage, she gave a small smile and followed.

Dad urged the horses forward, and awhile after, Uncle asked for a song. To which Mary-Beth, Tilly, Karen and I were happy to do so.

"I got a girl in Berryville,

Can't be screwed 'cause she's too damn ill,

So I don't go down there no more,

There's a blue horse laying outside her door.

I got a girl in Valentine,

Likes to drink that fancy wine,

Plumes in her hat was two-feet tall,

The crack in her pants paid for it all.

I got a girl in Berryville,

Can't get it in her cause she won't stay still,

She kicks and squeals and farts and hollers,

Won't take less than seven dollars.

I got a girl across the lane,

Hair down there like a horse's mane,

I got a gal and she's got a thing,

Fits my peter like a diamond ring

I got a girl in Valentine,

Likes to drink that fancy wine.

Plumes in her hat was two feet tall,

The crack in her pants paid for it all."

While the four of us sang, we kept laughing 'cause Aunt Karen and I kept messing up the lyrics. I looked over to Raine, who had a shocked expression, but had amusement written all over her face.

"What? Never heard any music before?" I asked her, with a chuckle.

"No, just never songs like that." She admitted, gaining the attention of Aunt Karen.

"Why? Thought your brother would let you talk like this all the time." Raine shook her head in response.

"No ma'am, quite the opposite. Ever since our parent's passing, he's been more than a brother. He's kind of stepped in as my father without being my father. He's my caretaker. But also, my best friend. He shows me right from wrong. He doesn't let me curse, or anyone bad get too close to me. I think the only reason he hasn't struck out yet is because he knows he's outnumbered, and he knows Katherine will kill anyone who so much as looks at me funny." She looked up at me as she mentioned myself. She has a point. I could kick everyone's ass in camp. Even Micah and Dad. Everyone knows this, that's why they're wary around me to try not to piss me off.

"Is that so?" Tilly questioned, looking at the blue-eyed redhead.

"In that case, you're very lucky, Sophia." Mary-Beth told the young teen and Raine exhaled sharply.

"Raine. My name is Raine Duffy, ma'am. Not Sophia. Not Miss Duffy. I'm me. I'm just… Raine." She told Mary-Beth, very clearly trying not to lose her temper.

I heard the train whistle blow and I looked on. A town! Valentine. I took in the air and scoffed at the smell. I'm used to horses smell, but sheep?! No thank you. I hate sheep.

"Now, Katherine; you can't go running over these sheep with your horse." Dad commented and my mouth stood agape .

"That was one time! One time!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms in the air in aggravation. Mary-Beth, Tilly, Aunt Karen, Uncle and Dad laughed at my antics as I sat, arms crossed in the carriage.

"Just remember, keep a low profile…. Katherine." Dad commented and I spluttered, offended.

"Will you remember that through, Arthur?" Aunt Karen stood by my side and Dad shrugged.

"Probably not." He admitted and I smirked as he pulled the carriage over in front of the stables.

"What's the plan, Uncle?"

"Well, we're going to do what every self-respecting man do; put the women to work." Uncle commented and I rolled my eyes, but smiled.

"C'mon Raine, let's see what's around here." Raine trailed behind me as we separated from the others. A horse kicking startled the both of us. We looked over in the round pen; a brown horse with a darker brown mane reared, he neighed fiercely as he did so. He looked like an Arabian, maybe a bit of thoroughbred in him. He seemed high strung. Spirited. Strong-willed. Maybe untamable.

"Wow….." Raine whispered, looking to the horse. He stopped for a moment, making eye contact with Raine. It's like they shared a connection.

"Yep, this horse is reckless, un-rideable and untamable. Stable owner says he'll have to put him down." A young stable boy, no older than me, told us and I held my breath. I can't let that happen.

"How much is he?" I asked, not taking my eyes of him.

"Fifty dollars." He told me and I sighed, pulling out some money and handing it to the man.

"You're a good woman, miss." He told me and I shrugged.

"If you say so." I told him, grabbing the stallion's reins, leading him on.

"Why'd you do that?" Raine asked as we walked on.

"Something tells me, you and this horse are going to get along. You're shy, quiet and reserved. he's quirky, spirited and spunky. I think he'll bring out the best in you." I told her and she smiled, petting his neck.

"Are you sure?" She asked and I nodded.

"Positive. How well can you ride?" I asked and she shrugged.

"Not that well. I can ride Branwen, but she hardly spooks at anything." She admitted and I nodded.

"As soon as I convince them to untie Kieran; him and I are going to teach you. Properly." I told her and she smiled eagerly.

"Really?!" She squealed in excitement and I chuckled in response.

"Really! Look, there's the others. C'mon, let's go." I handed her the reins and she led him on.

"Katherine?" I stopped for a moment to look at her. "Thank you." I wrapped an arm around her and smiled.

"Anytime, kiddo. Anytime."

"There you are! Where'd you get the horse?" Aunt Karen, with a bruise on her face, asked me.

"Where'd you get the bruise?"

"I asked you first."

"Stable owner was going to put him down. Said he was un-rideable, reckless and unmanageable. I disagreed. Raine's his owner now." I told her and she nodded slowly.

"You're really pushing me with these random new horses, Katherine." Dad commented and I shrugged, with a smile.

"Hey…. Who's that guy over there looking at us?" Mary-Beth asked us, pointing 'cross the way, at a man on a rusty brown horse.

"Hey! Weren't you in Blackwater a few weeks back?" The man asked, looking to my father.

"Me? No, Sir. I ain't from there." Dad told him, then proceeding to look to us as if he was confused what he was talking about.

"Oh, you were! I definitely saw you with a bunch of fellers."

"Me? no. impossible. Listen, buddy. Come here for a minute." Dad walked towards him slightly, giving him an honest and honorable approach.

"I saw you….."

"Come here."

"Come on! Get!" The man kicked his horse in the sides, making him run off out of Valentine.

Dad looked to us, worry written all over his face. "I don't like this."

"Me neither…." Uncle commented, I then realized that he was standing slightly in front of all of us, with the exception of my father.

"Go get the girls home. I'm going to have a word with our friend." Dad mounted a random horse, seeing as Raine's horse needed some help.

"Be careful, Arthur!" Tilly told him, worried.

"Just a word. Yah!" Dad rode off, I kept my eye on him until we couldn't see him anymore.

"He'll be alright, Katherine. He always is." Uncle told me, a hand around me in comfort and I nodded slowly.

"If you say so." I responded, holding my arms around my body.

"Come on girls, let's get you home." Aunt Karen, Tilly, and Mary-Beth got on the carriage. "Are you two coming or are you walking?"

"What about the horse?" Raine asked, pointing to the horse I bought for her.

"He'll follow us. Tempt him with a carrot." Uncle threw her a carrot he had in his pocket; no doubt left for Nell.

"Come on boy! You want the carrot? Come get it!" Raine got on the carriage, waving the carrot around, causing the horse to perk his ears up. He walked on as Uncle drove forward.

The horse followed us all the way to horseshoe, once we got there, she gave him the carrot. He happily ate it, bobbing his head up and down.

"I think he likes you." I told her, smiling as he rubbed against her back, as if to ask for more.

Raine spotted her brother, and her eyes lit up, leading the horse to where he was.

"Kieran! Kieran! Look what Katherine bought me!"

Kieran looked up from where he was, he looked sad at first. Then, when he saw the brown horse, his eyes lit up.

"No way! Where'd you get him?" He asked, the horse sniffing his pockets for carrots.

"Valentine. The stable owner was gonna put him down, so Katherine bought him for me."

"Did you tell her 'thank you?'" He asked her and she nodded.

"Yes. The stable owner said he was un-ridable. He basically called him crazy. Katherine reckons we can fix that." She told him, and he nodded.

"Yes, if it's done right, we can. But…." He twisted his hands around the ropes, and I smiled.

"I think I can help with that."

"Raine, what'd you gonna name him?" Kieran asked, ad the horse reared, startling her. He came back on all fours and she nodded slowly.

"Spirit. His name is Spirit."