#It's not forgiving shit or sweeping it under the rug it's just people coming to a different moral conclusion than you Jesus fuck

[rosepetalsthings]

Me, fighting the urge to argue with people on Tumblr

[txttletale]

idk how to put this sorry if this comes off as rude/confrontational I'm not trying to be — when you say stories about forgiveness/reconciliation, do you mean more the type about forgiving & reconciling with family, or more generally (so like including - this isn't the best example but I can't think of any better rn - catra for example? where it's about being trapped in hurting people because of trauma and breaking out of that)? or is the thing you dislike more stories' framing of forgiveness as a moral imperative?

sorry if this doesn't make sense I'm just curious what you think bc you've raised some interesting points and would really like to see you elaborate on them

don't worry you don't come off as rude whatsoever! while i think my points apply broadly to how forgiveness is treated across media (rare actual example of cultural christianity) -- i obviously am not, like, against forgiveness or stories about forgiveness on principle. what i dislike about all the narratives about people forgiving their abusive parents is that:

like you said, it's always framed as a moral imperative. there is always an underlying assumption that forgiving the abuser is the 'right' and 'correct' thing to do, that not doing so would be wrong. this is tremendously insulting to survivors who have every right to not forgive their abusers!

in most of these narratives, the parent barely does shit to be forgiven. there's very often a narrative equivocation, in fact, between parent and child. like, sometimes the parent won't even be expected to apologize -- sometimes, even more grotesquely, both the parent and child apologize for their shared supposed 'wrongdoing'. this is also obviously insulting to survivors, who are not in any way responsible for their abuse or for having a poor relationship with their parents.

the reason why this in particular pisses me off so much is that it mirrors and in turn contributes to the cultural expectation on abuse victims in real life to maintain contact with their abusers, the constant casual pressure from everything from strangers to friends to acquaintances saying 'well, can't you just put it behind you?' or 'look, he's changed' or 'she's your mom' or 'you'll only have one chance to have a relationship with your siblings' or whatever the fuck. the sanctity of the family is a cardinal value across a lot of societies and this sanctity means a constant, neverending societal pressure to bow to sweeping abuse under the rug. i've seen many people i care about struggle deeply with feeling obligated to maintain relationships with family members who treat them like shit and make htem miserable every time they interact bc of exactly these sorts of sentiments being everpresent in their cultural environment. & these narratives always paint that sort of pressure as being well-founded and fair and ultimately for the better, which is absolutely repellent to me.

so, yeah. i am not against narratives where an abusive person actually confronts their actions and changes and repairs that relationship (that's another fucking thing, these narratives always put the onus and responsiblity on the character who was abused to forgive rather than on the abuser to earn forgiveness, just like in real life familial abuse victims are always fucking expected to be the ones to repair the relationship). i think such narratives can be powerful and compelling and explore questions of what the value of 'forgiveness' or 'redemption' even are, as well as dispel the mystique and exceptionalism often attributed to the 'abuser' as a holistic malevolent figure that can be cleanly separated from every other parent/grandparent/sibling/etc.

what i'm against is narratives where someone who is abused has their feelings delegitimized -- their rage is wrong, counterproductive, they need to let go and move on, they need to forgive their abusers and let them back int otheir lives because oh, they did something wrong too or oh, their abuser had a difficult life, or whatever the fuck. to which the answer should be a flat -- no. they don't. all the more power to people who choose to do that if that's what makes them happiest and safest but absolutely nobody has a moral obligation or need to forgive an abusive family member. obviously i am exaggerating slightly when i say every abusive parent subplot should end with the parent being killed with hammers, but i'm using the hammer murder as a synechdoche for a narrative treating an abuse victim's antipathy towards their abuser as something legitimate and justified and obviously reasonable rather than a flaw or something they need to move past.

[kasdeyalilith]

My Atlantis, We Fall

Warnings: Angst

Character/s: Scaramouche x GN Reader

Scaramouche doesn't feel like he deserves you sometimes, you're too perfect to spend your life with him. It has been years since he stumbled in your home, eyes feral as water drops from his clothes and hair. He manages to wound you back then but you didn't fight back like he expected instead you presented your home to be his safe sanctuary in the storm.

Hundreds of years have passed and he still can't get you off his mind, not that he wants to, but he acts as if he can. You filled the part of him that craved affection and you gladly gave it to him, sticking by his side even after the Fatui took him in.

He became used to you always waiting for him to return home, and having spent  almost a lifetime with you has helped him cope with his own mother abandoning him and friends betraying his trust. He can always count on you to stay, even when he strays far from saving, and perhaps that's why he got content. He no longer makes an effort to show his affection, and he never makes you feel as if he still wants you. He is certain that you will never leave him, even if he has done things that make it difficult for you to forgive him. Yes, you'll be upset, but you'll still be in bed at the end of the day with him, hugging his body as if he hadn't just killed hundreds of people in one day.

You are aware that it is your fault that you tolerate him, but what can you do? He is all you have ever known, and you love him too deeply to let him go. Being an immortal is difficult; you have suffered your share of grief and heartbreak, and you do not wish to endure it again. Every day proves to be difficult to stand by your decision, and the balladeer sweeps all of your concerns under the rug. You are jealous and angry that he can be loyal to the Tsaritsa, but when it comes to his lover, he doesn't even bat an eye when you say something.

It's inevitable that you'll wake up one day with no love left for the man you once vowed your life to. The distance between you two only grows colder and further apart, and you can't help but feel confined and lifeless. When he kisses you goodbye every time he goes and hugs you when it's night, you can't help but feel nothing one moment and dreadful the next. You can't leave him because every time you do, you're reminded of how he cried in his sleep the night before, and it hurts you to think of how it'll effect him if you leave him too because he was your friend before he became your lover.

************

"She's distant.."

"That's your karma now Tartaglia don't drag me into your problems"

Scaramouche can hear his two colleagues bickering over something useless as usual, so he scoffs and turns around, only to stop when he hears the next thing Rosaria says.

"Look when a person stop doing things like holding your hands or kissing back it means that they're tired of your shit. When's the last time that the traveler shows any care towards you? Seems like they moved on already without breaking up with you" Rosaria smirked at the boy who's close to crying

The balladeer rushes down the corridor, his head racing at the witch's words. Every word she says coincides to what's going on between you two. No, it must be all in his head; you love him; it's simply a coincidence.

Scaramouche returns home early from work and immediately notices you painting near the windows, as you always do whenever he leaves. After watching you paint for several times, he is still taken aback by your beauty, brows pinched in concentration, and beads of sweat running down your neck. The golden light of the setting sun bathes everything in an ethereal glow, yet it pales in comparison to the light you bring into his life.

He was instantly reminded of what he heard today, so he moved towards you and hugged you from behind, proving that it was all in his head.

His heart breaks as you stiffen at his touch, reaching for his hands to pull yourself away from him. You smiled nervously and told him that you'd prepare dinner, dropping your brush and quickly went for the kitchen leaving him to drown in his thoughts.

*********

You were confused by Scaramouche's sudden desire to spend time with you; he proposed a date in one of Snezhnaya's parks, and you don't have the heart to say no when he looks at you like a child crying for attention. It's out of character for the harbinger to parade you about in public like this; it's been a long time since you two went out together, so you figured it's because he doesn't want others to see him tied to someone like you.

The day was spent with Scaramouche trying to show his affection, his hands occasionally bumping into yours as a way of saying he wants to hold your hand, and you always smile at yourself at his actions and link them together, but today all you did was move your hands away and act as if you were getting something from the vendors or tucking it in your pocket. Scaramouche can only take his hand back as he follows you, his heart faltering at the fact that you don't even look his way.

He can't bring himself to believe you've finally fallen out of love; even if there's a small chance that you still care for him, he'll accept it. Anything you give him would satisfy him, apart from you leaving him. His reason for life and surviving is you; he has no idea what to do if you abandon him one day. He'd rather have the Shogun discard him away a thousand times than have you look at him with those cold, unfeeling eyes.

It all happened one day when you unexpectedly gave him a hug as he was getting ready for a mission. His arms envelop you right away while his heart flutters uncontrollably in his chest. When it comes to you, he is helpless, but he allows himself to be; now that things are returning to as they were, his heart is filled with hope. He kisses your cheek and smiles, promising a surprise when he gets home. Only for all of it to crumble when he arrived to you gone, only a letter was waiting for him.

You can't bear to look him in the eye and tell him how you really feel about your decision to leave him. It all hurts, and you tried so hard to get back to how things were before, but you just can't. Every time he tries to kiss you or even just hold you, you feel horrible. Because you can't love him again in the way he wants you to, you need to stop pretending that everything is fine when it isn't. You're nothing but a pathetic coward, running away from the puppet's cries for his lover.

But sometimes letting go is more merciful even if it's cruel than to cling to a promise that isn't destined to last a lifetime.

----------------------------------

To celebrate Scaramouche coming back in November(hopefully) here's some angst cause that leak where he talks about Ei as his mother is just pure angst and I'll never recover from it. Anyways happy reading as always!

[cyarskaren52]

When you half assed apologize for your racism then retweet your friend who is chastising the Black community for not accepting it that makes me think you were never sincere

@EuphoriTori

. If you're contrite as you say you gotta accept that some people simply won't ever forgive you

Brianna Wu stop dirty deleting your problematic tweets challenge.

Every time a ⚪ person with a large platform gets dragged for being racist her comes all the other racist ⚪ people with large platforms to defend them and Brianna Wu be the main one

Do they fire up a bat signal or something? Cuz I swear it's always the same mfs who suit up and don their capes to play captain save a racist

We the black and pocs get to decide what we can and cannot forgive and forget and no clear, no hotep, no nigpine, no biiich made HEW, and nobody else can tell us how we should feel or what we should feel

Follow up:

The more I read about the heinous shit Victoria said the more incensed I feel. She was so cold and cruel about the murders of two Black children (Trayvon Martin and Tamir Rice) yet white people are falling all over themselves to forgive her and accept her apology. That's not your Place. Folks gotta stop accepting apologies not meant for them and my clear cousins need to stop doing the absolute most to sweep blatant racism under the rug. Maybe you see yourselves in her. Maybe you too have a history of racism and by forgiving her you're also forgiving Yourselves by proxy, idk. What I do know is that no one owes your acceptance or forgiveness just because you claimed you've changed. Especially not for racism and anti-Black hate.

Victoria and Brianna Wu if you’re reading this Girls fuck you! Ain’t no forgiving this!

Apology not accepted. DO NOT COME FOR OUR BLACK BABIES!!!!🤬🤬

After this Fuck that!

[crisiscutie]

I've been reading some theories regarding FF7R, one of them said there might be two Sephiroths in the new timeline with the reveal that Zack alive. One is hero, the other is villain.

It makes me think that maybe in the historical moment where Sephiroth lunging down to stab Aerith, suddenly another Sephiroth appears to parry it.

How likely do you think this scene to happen in FF7R?

Didn't the Ultimania confirm there were four Sephiroths? The one Cloud was hallucinating, the clones, the memories and endgame Sephiroth? I have to admit; I have little to think about that theory... or what to expect for Sephiroth in Rebirth and the final game in the Remake Trilogy in general. There are so many possibilities. It makes my head hurt... He's an absolute mindfuck, but that's what I love about him. Gaslighting us as much as he gaslighted Cloud... There's a reason why he was so perfect for my Self Aware AU!

But the idea of a heroic Sephiroth intervening in important events is super interesting. I can see a version of him or even somehow Zack jumping to parry it. Though, wouldn't that just piss off the Arbiters of Fate for changing such a major plot event so they'll find another way for Aerith to die somehow? Something major for sure is bound to happen during that scene, though I'm not sure if it will be Sephiroth himself trying to save her.

In general, a heroic Sephiroth could also possibly explain why Sephiroth didn't take the advantage of his advanced knowledge and do stuff like eliminate Aerith and Tifa as soon as possible to put his plans in motion.

Or maybe this heroic Sephiroth is just as villainous as his Jenova puppet counterpart and simply wants to work alongside Cloud and co. so HE can be in charge of everything when the time comes, changing aspects of his plan to assure total victory as such.

In a meta sense of where a version of Sephiroth is heroic and/or redeemed, I think it could work beautifully if the writing handles it with the proper gravity. No sweeping anything under the rug or "Sephiroth is the coolest guy ever" shit I'm sorry, but I gotta take a pot shot at Naruto for that. Which I doubt will happen as not even people kindhearted and pure as Tifa and Aerith will be willing to forgive what Sephiroth did to them and the pain he caused for others. And the big tragedy behind Sephiroth was that he used to be someone that had a good heart and the potential to be as loving and heroic as others thought him to be. It wouldn't be respectful to the character if the redemption was done so hastily.

And I don't know why, but I have an inching feeling that Sephiroth and Aerith's relationship will go beyond a thematic one. We might get some chemistry between the two in the next two games. She is being built up as his archnemesis, like Cloud. He seems to mimic similar words and actions toward her as he does with Cloud. The hand on shoulder thing he does and his quote about the clouded eyes are the biggest things that come to mind.

If you're curious: For 7R Seph in my writing, I just base him off the four combinations stated above and combine them into one character since we don't know his deal yet.

[hamaon]

☕ xiyao had a healthy relationship

happy one year anniversary to this ask!!

pretty much? i mean. they enjoy spending time together, something that has been proven over for a decade. they try to support each other in the specific ways they each want to be supported (jin guangyao gets someone who is able to listen and try to see his point of view. lan xichen gets someone who single-handedly raises his clan back to greatness lmao (along with the rest of the realm). and also appreciates the Arts, that has to be nice. i somehow managed to forget about those paintings in the study for a while, love those)

(and i'm going to go off on a tangent here and say that i've seen people say that jin guangyao's List Of Everything He's Done For Lan Xichen And You Still Think I Was Going To Fucking Attack You?? is somehow uh, selfish? self-serving? like, that it's one-sided, somehow a burden, this song has gotten referenced

like ah, yes, how jin guangyao has helped lan xichen over the years

saving his life, supporting his clan

if only he had checked with lan xichen to see if his help would be welc-- oh god, what an asshole lan xichen would have to be to feel that those things were in any way, shape, or form, unwelcome)

they don't put each other on an unreachable pedestal, they can be disappointed in each other (i think the xiyao fandom would benefit from acknowledging just how bad their relationship gets there at the end. lan xichen is so disappointed in jin guangyao. one of the foremost emotions jin guangyao feels at the end of his life is fury towards lan xichen)

(tangent. i’ve seen people say that lan xichen is so blindly into this guy that he will willingly forgive every bad thing he has done if he just bats his eyelashes at him or some shit, but this is. so far removed from anything that happens in canon

the jin guangyao that exists in lan xichen’s perception is genuinely a fantastic, humble, productive person who has had to do unfortunate things under difficult circumstances. as far as canon seems to indicate, he is pretty much correct in this assessment, it’s just that the remaining five percent is like... really, really bad, and jin guangyao’s motivations seem to completely shatter that image. lan xichen’s reaction to this isn’t to sweep it under the rug, but to investigate and come to the (debatably correct) conclusion that he never really knew this person in the first place. he is trying to harden himself, at the end. lan xichen sets limits in this relationship (even if his lingering affection makes it difficult for him to keep them at times l m a o i’ll never stop laughing at that accidental "a-yao")

like even if you think that the reason he looks like he might be turning in jin guangyao’s favor at the temple is because jin guangyao is just that good at talking and is actually lying about everything, even then it’s the strength of the argument that’s swaying him. lan xichen cares about who jin guangyao is)

(there’s something in my mind here about how whether this relationship could still work after the finale (i’m not even going to say “in an au�� because people return from the dead in this universe) should really depend on how you see jin guangyao’s character, rather than lan xichen’s, who is i believe very straightforward here. if jin guangyao is a sadistic, destructive person with no redeeming qualities, then the relationship is over. lan xichen isn’t into that. if jin guangyao however is a more complex person who has done good and bad things and who isn't destructive by nature, then yes, it is entirely workable

lan xichen is in shock and probably going through all five stages of grief at once at the end, but his default state is to listen when people talk. he doesn’t just take jin guangyao’s death badly, he takes speculations about his motivations there at the end badly too. this isn’t someone grieving a relationship that turned out to be nothing as advertised, he’s in shock that he made such massive mistakes in judgement there at the end. he’s going to feel like he’s missed a step there for the rest of his life)

they don't tell each other everything, which is mostly held to be jin guangyao's problem, some of it because of the genuinely shitty things he's done which uh it makes sense he isn't sharing news about, but some of it seems to be that he doesn't also share with lan xichen about every Problematic thing he does while working under his dad and i'm kind of unsure why he... should. i'm trying to imagine a situation where lan xichen does some shady business because the lan elders deemed it needs doing and can't see how it’s something he’d need to share with people outside of his clan (and of course once jin guangyao becomes the leader of the clan, there's no indication there's anything even going on, other than unprecedented good times for all)

(also, i don't think i'm going to be disappointed in a lower class person not sharing everything he does to survive with an upper class person who, while sympathetic, can't actually relate)

(tangent: jin guangyao not sharing information with lan xichen about personal issues is just fanon, in canon he does it quite nicely. lan xichen doesn't see or understand more of jin guangyao than jin guangyao realizes/wants him to understand, but rather his understanding of jin guangyao has formed precisely because of what jin guangyao himself wants and chooses to share. his understanding of jin guangyao’s standing with the jin for example is informed by jin guangyao sharing these things with him

honestly, over time “jin guangyao spooks at affection like a frightened horse and needs to be wooed before he lets that insurmountable wall down and manages to (against his will!!) share something that takes (ewww) vulnerability” has become something i c a n n o t stand and at times i’ve been like, you know, we never really see lan xichen share anything of substance about himself ever. maybe it’s the other way around, difficult-nut-to-crack lan xichen

but i don’t really think that’s necessarily true either. for plot focus reasons jin guangyao is obviously the character whose circumstances are more in the spotlight for the reader, and we just generally don’t see much of them together, they’re not central characters in that way. who knows what might happen when they’re alone. their communication capacity is pretty great actually, once you actually start putting together everything that has been exchanged between them over the years)

i suppose the unhealthy reading mostly comes down to the villain status, or specifically the method of nie mingjue's murder, and i do want to say that lan xichen is allowed to feel betrayed over this use of his clan's techniques!! he's allowed to feel second-hand guilt over being indirectly made to be an accessory to a murder of a friend. he would be allowed to discontinue this relationship -- for this reason, or any other reason he feels like for that matter

more generally though, the overall situation isn’t really that simple, as nie mingjue is the one who fucking presses the situation that leads to his own death. he is the one making it intolerable. i'm so tired of people pretending that nie mingjue and jin guangyao are somehow peers with equal say in that mess of a situation (hint: the ones on a more equal standing are nie mingjue and fucking jin guangshan, and i hope no one needs a reminder of how jin guangshan feels about this particular son). lan xichen was not meant to be hurt by this method of murder, he was never meant to know about it at all. it was just expedient in every way

i think what ultimately matters to lan xichen is whether jin guangyao felt that he had any other good choices left. the music is very personal to him, and shared in intimate confidence, and that affects him. he also can and does look beyond incidental hurt feelings on his own behalf. as far as nie mingjue pressing an issue jin guangyao has no real say in and making it intolerable goes, ultimately what other choices jin guangyao had were to be killed, to go against his father, and to defect, and we have examples of lan xichen showing he doesn’t consider any of these to be real options (jin guangyao leaving the jin and still having any standing isn’t a realistic possibility, and lan xichen falls squarely on jin guangyao’s side on whether he can go against his father or not. he literally brings it up to nie mingjue on jin guangyao’s behalf)

lan xichen for his part isn't that helpful when it comes to the nie mingjue situation, but hey, we all make mistakes

h o w e v e r, with all that said:

er-ge is not perfect, but he is very, very good. in a story where the rumor mill keeps people warm during lonely cold nights, he tries to approach people as individuals. my interest in dark lan xichen is down the fucking abyss, is what i’m saying, it's down there in the center of the earth. i don’t want to see that shit. it runs counter to everything that makes lan xichen lan xichen

i can however see situations where jin guangyao is pushed to do Some More Bad Things, and i'm not opposed to that happening in a shippy context. jin guangyao's will to survive is one of my absolute favorite traits of his (along with his efficiency and competence in managing just that), regardless of whether he has to step over other people in the course of it. i can’t see a world where he’d willingly hurt lan xichen in any major way, but i can see a world where, let’s say, lan xichen’s autonomy gets put on the back burner, if he turns out to be a hindrance to jin guangyao’s continued survival. i’m not going to call this ‘dark jin guangyao’, just jin guangyao as he is. i wouldn’t be opposed to seeing a difficult world like this

[anxiousanteaterr]

therapy sucked the other day and the gross feeling carried over into today. its rough when i dig stuff up bc now i gotta go do my job and exist n shit till my next appointment, and bettering myself is going to be hard when my depression is on high alert bc im in the process of taking the reins from it.

the good thing tho is that im learning more about myself. and a lot of what ive learned is actively playing a role in making me feel bad lmao.

i never really stopped to look at how bad my self confidence was because 1. It hurts. and 2. its... all ive ever known. Its been dog shit for as long as i can remember. From being bullied since middle school and from everything my parents told me growing up. All I know is to be too hard on myself. To ignore taking care of myself emotionally, brush off compliments and not take them, automatically accept insults as the truth, and to just sweep all the feelings under the rug because thats just... what ive always had to do. I even trained myself to punish myself when I try to address it. When I try to take care of myself mentally and to be kind to myself and have hope and pride. Even the most basic shit like "this is a real skill set that i have" is met with a mental block and a deep seated anger that gives me urges to physically hurt myself because im... idk, seeing myself in a positive light?? I can't really let myself feel anything in any decent intensity without immediately punishing myself for it.

And it hurts. And it makes me mad because I know better than that, and I have this intense ache that is begging me to allow myself to feel and just be. To let me feel angry. To let me hold grudges. To let me have regret. To let me forgive. And most importantly, to let me love myself in all aspects. Realizing I was trans and transitioning gave me such an intense high because for ONCE in my life I was truly loving myself in literally any fucking capaicty, and seeing myself in a positive light. So now that part of me (really just my true self) is just so desperate to keep going. To keep opening doors and let myself be human. I keep holding myself back because I was punished so many times as a child to NOT feel. To not defend myself. To not be angry with people. To not laugh too loud or act silly. To not make mistakes. But its just been too much of that. 26 years and im at my fucking limit. My canines are sinking into the metal bars of the cage I locked myself into, and despite the pain I am busting out of this cage. I'm just glad im fortunate enough to actively be in therapy for all of this, so I can safely come out of the cage.

It's also funny bc i realized one of the reasons i act so kind and be nice and friendly is because of how much i deny myself that own kindness. And how much I was denied it by my peers and my biggest support group (my parents) as a child. I hate it when i get angry and snap and lash out because it reminds me of how often I was on the recieving end of that. Hell, I tear up when I see parents yell at their kids at the store. I just don't want anyone to ever experience what I did, so I give and give, and smile and joke around as often as I can because I so desperately wish that I could have gotten the same.

But I am human after all, so I will get angry, and I will lash out. And I will get disappointed. And feel regret. And make mistakes. And I just gotta remind myself that thats ok! I can do these things and feel the full extent of them! Its not the end of the world when it happens. I just gotta learn how to keep it in check so when I do act human, its not blown out of proportion.

Finally, I have to really work on the self-confidence thing of "im not a failure". I'm in a specific situation where literally everyone I know irl who is "successful", has done the basic societal shit: got great grades, went thru college, and is working "a real, professional job". I did -and am doing- none of those things! lmao. And despite me not genuinely regretting it bc its saved me money and stress, its v hard to not let those societal norms make you feel worthless bc youre not fitting into the mold. I also have real bad exectutive function that will most likely go untreated forever, so I have to remind myself to not beat myself up over THAT bc its something i cannot control. I AM doing my best, and it WILL be enough. And life progresses pretty slowly, I have until the day I drop dead to do whatever the fuck I want. I should stick to my guns and take my sweet time.

[appleciders]

ok listen you’re SO right about beforeigners, I love the concept and my linguistics-loving heart skips a beat when they break out the old Norse and 19th century norwegian and I just WISH the show did not do so many of the other things it did because it could be so much better. forgive me for barging in I just saw your post and yeah

oh dude NO need to apologize it's so good to find someone who's watched it other than my parents lmaooo. no i so agree with you, there's so much POTENTIAL there and while it's enough to keep me watching i do have so many "imagine if they could do right by this super cool concept" daydreams. this got super long so im gonna stick it under the cut lol

like first off i wish they didn't feel the need to limit it to a cop show? like i get that it's easy and has automatic intrigue and a tried and true success record, but it's kind of lazy. aside from being Very Over the glorification of cops, i really am so invested in the idea of a show that explores the intersections of all the different spheres that were impacted by the repercussions of their worldbuilding? like you have this setup! now show me the teachers and childcarers. the social workers. clothing production and the food service world. the economic differences—the old norse who are trying to rely on the gift economy only to be hit by the closed fist of capitalism. show the tensions and social movements. actually explore the neo-luddite plot instead of throwing it away after a few episodes because yeah, actually, the industrial revolution has fucked a lot of shit up!! dig into it!!

like alfhildr is great and i did watch all of season 1 in a day so maybe i missed it but i still don't even remember if i know why she wanted to be a cop, of all things? it feels like her moral compass—and history as a shieldmaiden of the old ways at a time when christianity was crusading and trying to impose their authority on her people and her way of life—would chafe against that kind of imposed bureaucratic authority on her community. if they desperately wanted to keep the murder mystery component, i would've been more interested in an "alfhildr works a minimum wage job to pay off her student debt, unable to find better paying work because of temporal discrimination. one of her friends/coworkers/neighbors is killed and the authorities don't pay any attention and want to sweep it under the rug. she works to try to solve the murder—often at odds with local law enforcement—while also protecting her other friend/coworker/neighbor because she's wrapped up in the human trafficking of time displaced people. there still can be the intrigue of her origins, too!

in this situation, her co-protagonist is her coworker/neighbor who isn't time displaced, but is a migrant of color. maybe like lars, they have a family they love deeply and complexly, which parallels and foils alfhildr's strong non-biological kinship ties. paired together, the two allow a fuller, more nuanced exploration and interplay between the dynamics of this fictional time-ism or whatever they call it and the already established xenophobia and racism that pervades norwegian society, the differences there, and the shared experiences of poverty. discrimination, loss of home, and adapting to a new language. they of course also have a fun interpersonal repartee like the duo in the existing show!

and like okay sure fine if we're not Overhauling the whole series...if they had to make it a cop drama (which again. formulaic in a way that undersells how cool this setup is!)...they could've still had lars be the above. and in either iteration they should have people of color/immigrants/jewish people in the writers' room! they'd be able to craft the narrative far more fully and address the Bigger Issues i was speaking to in that post (which almost certainly come from a writers room that's almost entirely white).

and as far as season 2 goes....like the first three episodes and the last three episodes were Completely and Entirely different. why did i have to care about the people who were pretending to be the scotland yard people at all again? i don't feel like they had any bearing on the overarching plotlines? why did they have to accuse their only jewish character of being jack the ripper for most of his featured time??? what was the point of starting the season with his family's shabbat prayers if it wasn't going to be relevant?? and if alex was going to play the role he did, it would have been great if he'd been developed. i don't really have any feelings about him,because they never really let us know him. i feel like his twist could've paid off so much more if we'd had an attachment, you know? also, season 2 could've stood to mention alfhildr's best friend like, at least once!

i do wonder - and this will of course be revealed in time - if they learned they weren't going to be able to have a season 3. because the reason i can see for why you would shove so much together like that in such a rushed way (like the reveal at the end!! which i saw your post about and if you want to talk about my dms are open!! bonkers!!) is that you're worried you won't be able to unfold it in later episodes and you want to leave your fans on a kind of satisfied note? like in fairness to them, that's a pretty wild ending stroke!! and i guess if it can't be renewed, i don't feel like i have 16000 unanswered questions, which we would have, if we'd ended without finding out any hint of alfhildr's origins.

but then maybe they were just working within the parameters of 6 episode seasons and tried to bite off more than they could chew lmao! anyway, i totally hear you on the linguistics thing—it's cool. just like the intros—showing all the confluence and syncretism of people from different time periods is cool! and is why i cared enough to write out this whole essay!! anyway you're absolutely not barging in, thank you for dropping by <33

[autumn-foxfire]

Apparently some lov stans think Ochako's speech is a dry run for a speech the kids will give to people after they save their villain counter parts who have helped them defeat AfO. And, like, I'm sorry but if some kids told me I should 100% forgive and let the people who destroyed my life just walk around free without consequences because they took out the guy they helped spring from prison I'd throw rocks at them. Like, it's their fault AfO got out in the first place, and it's not like the man was going against their original plan--they also wanted to destroy Japan. So really, stopping AfO is the least they could do to make up for all the shit they pulled. If this happens in canon and people just accept it it will feel so stupid.

^^^ All of this.

I've been pretty honest about how frustrated I've been with the civilians in the manga for treating my favs but that doesn't mean I don't see where they're coming from or why this mindset has developed. They're victims too and it's important to remember that. Their lives have been ruined by these villains, they've lost loved one and homes, they've lost the security they once lived with and they're all terrified (Hori could do a better job at showing this though).

So it would be a massive slap in the face if a hero just turned around and told them to forgive the people that took all that away from them just because they decided to stop AFO. Ochako's speech to the public in the latest chapter was for the public to remember that Deku, who hasn't done anything wrong, is only human and needs support as well. It was remind them that heroes are just humans.

It's not going to be used by Ochako to ask people to sweep all the villains crimes under the rug and it's frustrating that people are already treating it like this. Especially as Ochako is a character all about helping other heroes in their times of need <.<

[wolfflock]

Reactions to Superman and Lois S01E07

So Clark will finally train Jordan? It should have been happening since the first time they realised he might have powers... Just saying.

Awww using freeze breath to get Jordan's attention when he's wearing the noise canceling headphones is such a nice touch to show they are not entirely human. SuperFam 😍

Lana and Lois being an investigative power duo is very precious and I want more. But I need Chrissy too. I miss her.

Oh hey! They acknowledged that Jonathan is struggling! Finally. Now do something about it! Don't sweep it under the rug and make him forget about it the next day. PLEASE. Give him more of a role than emotional support brother!

Eager puppy Dad Clark is everything 🥺 Look at him with his notepad and soft voice trying to help Jordan

The little bot is back! And it's roasting Luthor LOL.

"Creeper mobile" ahahahhaa LOIS! 😂

LUTHOR AND LOIS HAVE A DAUGHTER what?!?!?!?!? PLUS Dark suit and not only one but many Kryptonians ahsggagahajdhahs

Poor Jordan needs a looooot of training, damn. It's not gonna be a joyride.

Jonathan's "I broke my wrist, it sucks, thanks for asking" was a little abrupt compared to the teasing happening 0.3 seconds before, but I get the sentiment, yup. Always about Jordan, no one asks about Jon.

Clark snooping, I love it. Superman goes sniffing around haha

CHRISSY. Yes! At least we got to see her.

Luthor about Clark: "He's not important" OUCH, poor Clark 😂😂

Is Lana tasked to recruit people for the "army resurrection" thing?!?

Multiverse mentioned!!!

I really like that Lois and Clark are working together. Want more of them as a team, not just as a couple.

Oh God, Jonathan is now getting a love interest? Noooooo. He needs friends, not a teenage crush. Please.

Aaaand Jordan can focus his powers when he tries to find Sarah (which, when their dad did it, him and Jon were super against) and now thinks Jon is hitting on her. The teenage drama 😫🙈

Damn, Evil Superman killed Luthor's Lois on live TV. That is freaking rough.

The hearteyes from Clark whenever he looks at Lois, I honestly can't 🙈🥰

Luthor made the suit with his daughter (Nat), how rad is that! I also need more of her. That was some crazy DIYing, though 🤣

HE PUT A BUG PRINT ON THE SUIT FOR HER, I'M GONNA CRY 😭

Okay, so Jordan getting pissed at Jonathan was enough for him to be able to control his powers? WHAT?????? IN A DAY. Clark needed 2 weeks WHAT THE HELL.

Jonathan going ballistic, SHIT, okay. Tell him how you feel 😬 Hope it'll have an actual effect.

When Luthor says "It was a different life" the camera switches to Tyler and you can see his abs moving under the costume and IT'S DISTRACTING 🥵

NAME REVEAL. HE ISN'T A LUTHOR. Who is that?!? I need to do research now lmfao

MJÖLNIR! Damn, Superman is getting his ass kicked again. BUT THEN THE BOYS ARE COMING TO SAVE HIM. JONATHAN WITH THE HAMMER gagdgagaha AND LOIS IS HERE TOO, and she's the one stopping Clark from killing Luthor and becoming what Luthor accuses him of being. 🥺

Oh God, Emily will die, won't she 😭 Such a nice person also a WOC, which... come on, don't kill every single POC

So while I'm all "Yes, boys, please, make up and support each other", I am also 😡 that Jonathan is AGAIN forgiving and moving on. He is within his rights to be mad, for so many reasons, at Jordan, but he's always the bigger person and lets go. Let him be angry for two episodes straight, please. 🥺

BOYS ASKING ALL THE QUESTIONS, yes, Lois and Clark sharing knowledge, YES.

Why is the AI set to Luthor? Why did they want him to use it? AND HE'S NOT A LUTHOR, damn, the way they had us played!

So he's Subjekt 3. And is his daughter still waiting for him on his Earth???

SO MANY QUESTIONS 😭

But I love Wolé, and his acting.

Also, could we get some more about Clark? He seems to be running wherever action is happening but we don't really know how he's handling things? We get it from the other 3 Kent (Jonathan the least, okay), but barely any about Clark's inner thoughts. HOW IS HE HOLDING UP? Having to be rescued by his 14-year-old sons who can't even drive and control their superpowers, respectively.

[thewitchandtheassassin]

That World (Natasha Romanoff x Reader)

Summary: Part two of “Alone With You” happy ending style.

Words: 3171

Warnings: Uh, alcohol, language and some angst? Lemme know if I missed something.

A/N: Holy shit. One hundred percent wasn’t expecting a longer fic to be my coming back fic but this thing had a mind of its own. And, I just really want to thank y’all for sticking around. It means so much and I’m happy to say I think I’ll be staying for a while this time. But either way, WE GOT A NEW STORY HOLY FUCK!

-X-

She knew she shouldn’t have walked out. She knew it wasn’t what she’d wanted, but the words had gotten stuck in her throat and she couldn’t bring herself to let them slide off her tongue. So, instead, she’d taken the coward’s way out and left.

Left you broken just beyond the door closing behind her.

You’d never just been a way to pass time. Well, maybe in the beginning it had started out like that, but after the third time you’d let her in, something warm started creeping into her chest. You’d always assumed multiple people kept her company but the truth was…

There was only you.

She hadn’t meant to keep you in the dark – to make you feel the way you did – but she’d wanted to protect you (or maybe she was protecting herself. Those lines were a little blurred, if she was being honest with herself). She thought letting the distance hold you apart would keep you both safe but all it seemed to do was break hearts.

-X-

Hours became days and before Natasha realized it, it’d been a month since she’d heard you, seen you. She’d ignored it at first – the longing gripping her chest – but it was becoming overwhelming. She was reckless and withdrawn (more than normal). She was snappy and irritable and the team was worried.

“Nat, seriously, what’s going on?” Clint asked, flopping down beside Natasha on the couch in the common room.

Rolling her eyes, Natasha jerked to another page in her book, eyes scanning but not seeing the words printed. “Nothing.”

He reached out, grabbing her wrist calmly. “That’s a lie and we both know it. Talk to me.”

Natasha swallowed drily, fingers flexing around the book in her hands. Her tongue felt like it weighed a million pounds inside her mouth, threatening to suffocate her if she dare speak. A familiar pain traveled through her, the icy memory of the Red Room’s punishments creeping up her veins and pooling in her stomach.

Clint was startled to see tears filling Natasha’s eyes and he ripped the book from her, tossing it aside and gathering her in his arms. One hand stroked her hair while the other kept her close, murmuring soft reassurances to her.

“I fucked up,” Natasha hiccupped. “I-I should’ve stayed. I should’ve told her…”

His brows furrowed but Clint remained silent, waiting for his oldest friend to continue.

“All she wanted was for me to stay and I didn’t,” she whispered. “I never wanted to hurt her.”

Something dawned on Clint. “Is she who you used to go see after missions?” he inquired carefully, ignoring the tension that seemed to stiffen her muscles.

“…yes.”

Nodding, Clint leaned back and brushed a lock of hair from Natasha’s face. “If you’re this upset, you need to go to her. Tell her you regret leaving that night – that you regret leaving her. Wallowing isn’t doing anyone any good,” he advised, smiling sympathetically.

“I’m afraid she won’t forgive me,” she admitted brokenly. “I never told her anything. Not about missions or my life or anything. I kept her so far in the dark that I don’t know how to bring her into the light now.”

“You’ll never know until you talk to her,” Clint said. “If you care about her this much, you need to talk to her. Otherwise it’ll be entirely your own fault that you lost her.” He knew his words were harsh, but she needed to hear them. If he tried sugarcoating it, she’d never leave the couch.

Natasha’s face scrunched as she forced back tears. He was right. As much as she wished he wasn’t, he absolutely was.

“Okay,” she breathed, determination befalling her features. “Okay.”

Clint smiled, patting her shoulder as he stood. “C’mon. I’ll drive.”

-X-

The drive to your apartment was silent aside from the incessant tapping of Natasha’s fingers on her thigh. She was trying to prepare her speech, like she was readying for battle, but she knew the moment she looked into your eyes it’d be useless. This wasn’t something she could sweep under the rug with a seductive look or a sensual kiss. She had to actually talk.

She was going to throw up.

Sudden terror gripped her as they stopped in front of the building. “I can’t do this.”

Clint chuckled and shook his head. “Yes, you can. Go talk to her. I’ll wait here until you say otherwise.”

Bottom lip snagged between her teeth, Natasha inhaled sharply and tossed open the car door before storming inside and up to your floor. With every step her heart thudded a little harder, but she ventured on, blinking sporadically to keep the tears at bay. Fist balled tight, she knocked twice behind rocking on her heels.

Silence.

One…

Two…

Three…

Four…

Natasha’s head tilted. Only stillness greeted her as she stared at the door mocking her. She couldn’t hear anything on the other side, which was bizarre considering your floor creaked just at the entrance.

Her eyebrows nearly touched as she tentatively reached forward and knocked again. It was well past nine at night, so where the hell were you? A nasty thought crossed her thoughts and she faltered. What if you’d already moved on? What if you were on a date? What if they were in there?

The old woman who lived next door peered out of her apartment and stared at her. She could see the emotions warring on the beautiful woman’s face.

“Excuse me, miss,” the woman called, garnering Natasha’s attention. “She’s not there.”

Natasha’s head snapped around. “O-oh. Do you know when she’ll be back?”

The woman’s pursed lips concerned Natasha. “I don’t think you understand, sweetie. She doesn’t live here anymore. Moved out about two weeks ago.”

All the blood drained from Natasha’s face and her lips parted slightly, a deeper concern blossoming in her stomach.

“None of us know where she went either,” she admitted. “We just saw her leave one day and the next, the landlord was trying to find new renters. It’s a shame too. She was lovely. Always helped me with my groceries.”

“She’s…gone?” Natasha repeated slowly, glancing at your door like she expected you to throw it open and laugh at your elaborate joke. This was just a joke…right?

Smiling sadly at Natasha, the old woman studied her. As a former nurse, she’d seen many people walk into her hospital with a similar expression; regret and devastation marring their features, waiting for someone to yell “surprise” or hoping to wake up from a bad dream.

She silently prayed this woman would someday find you and right whatever wrong caused that look; she’d always hated that look.

“I’m sorry, honey,” she mumbled before closing her door, the quiet click sounding like a thunderous boom in Natasha’s ears.

The urge to slump to her knees was crippling but Natasha forced herself upright and staggered out of your (former) building, dragging herself towards Clint’s car. Her fingers felt numb as she gripped the handle, dropping into the passenger seat. She said nothing and he didn’t push.

You were gone.

-X-

Traveling the country had never been something you’d really considered before. You liked having a steady home, steady relationships – a steady life. But two weeks after Natasha walked out of your door, you decided to throw caution to the wind and try it. You had more than enough money to survive for a while so you tossed your bigger items into the storage and began a trek across the country, headed west.

Was it irresponsible to quit your job and break your lease all because a woman didn’t love you? Probably, but you didn’t care. You needed something new; something wild that could help mend the shattered shards of your heart.

So you found yourself in a little town in Ohio two weeks into your trip, a cheap beer in hand as you looked around the bar. You weren’t trying to catch anyone’s eye, merely curious of your surroundings. Plenty of people were scattered about, filling the air with small-town liveliness.

A feminine hand caught your attention out of your peripheral and you discretely glanced over. Long digits traced across the edge of the wood.

“I might be mistaken but I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen you around here before.” Her voice was like a warm breeze in the middle of September and you couldn’t stop yourself from gazing at her.

She was pretty, relatively speaking, though she didn’t hold a candle to the woman who’d prompted this trip. But she might be pretty enough to help you forget.

“You’re not wrong,” you smirked, sipping your beer as you watched her eyes flicker to your lips.

She offered her hand, skin smooth and gentle against yours. “I’m Lucy.”

“(Y/N),” you replied, letting your fingers brush the palm of her hand as you let go.

Hopping onto the stool beside you, she raised a finger and the bartender handed her a drink. You weren’t sure if he’d been simply waiting for the gesture or if it was just a lucky coincidence but you weren’t going to question it. You were a stranger, what did you know?

“So, what brings you here?” Lucy asked, raising her glass to glossed lips.

You shrugged. It’d sound pathetic to admit all of this started because of a woman, right? An Avenger but still…

“Road trip,” you hummed, eyes drifting through the crowd again.

Lucy chuckled, smirking at you over the rim of her drink. “I’ve heard a lot of people say that but that’s never the full story, is it?”

Your gaze jerked back to her and her smirk deepened.

“Boyfriend troubles – or girlfriend?” she wondered, her glass thumping on the bar as she set it down.

Sighing, you acknowledged her probing with a humorless laugh. “Technically? Neither. She was never my girlfriend.”

Lucy’s brow arched, curiosity brimming in green eyes. “Oh?”

You downed your beer. “Yeah…” you didn’t exactly want to offer information but the need to vent was pulsating into your bones. No one knew the story; hell, no one had even known you had an occasional bed partner. “I had feelings for her but she walked out and never came back, so I decided a trip across the country wasn’t such a bad idea.”

Lucy gave an apologetic hiss and patted your arm. “Ouch.”

“But,” the corner of your mouth tugged up, “I’m sure some good company would help take the sting out a little.”

-X-

Finding out you had left was a blow Natasha hadn’t anticipated. She’d considered calling you from Clint’s car but the idea you had blocked her number gave her pause. You’d left for a reason, so she should honor that…

And she did try.

But, as another week drifted into two, she was crumbling inside. She’d spent many years trying to correct all the mistakes she’d made over in her youth but now she had no idea how to fix this one. You’d never been hers – though through no fault of your own – but it felt like you’d taken a chunk of her heart wherever you had gone.

In the end, it wasn’t even her who found you.

Tony Stark was many things: arrogant, a billionaire playboy, but not stupid. He’d seen Natasha losing herself and, while he might butt heads with her often, he hated the misery that lingered on the outskirts of green. So, as any friend would do, he stole her phone.

Your number was easy to find since it was the only “civilian” number on there, aside from Laura Barton. Natasha was nothing if not minimalistic.

Minutes later, he pinged your phone and had FRIDAY tracking it.

“Boss, what should I do with this information?” the AI wondered, curious – well, as curious as an AI could be.

“Send it to Agent Romanoff and tell her I better be her best man at the wedding,” Tony replied coolly, wandering off to go bug Pepper before Natasha could come skin him alive.

When FRIDAY alerted her of Tony’s meddling, she did consider hurting him for less than a second before she was racing out of the Compound and towards a jet. Yes, flying a million dollar get to win back her not-ex’s heart was dramatic but she was an Avenger.

And Avengers were good at dramatics.

-X-

You hadn’t left that little Ohio town yet, which honestly surprised you. After spending a night drinking with Lucy, you’d followed her home…

And slept on her couch.

She’d been wonderful to talk to – and you’d been right about the company – but sleeping with her had never been an option. You weren’t going to use someone like that, even if she was a stranger. But, she’d offered her couch and nearly two weeks later, you were still there. She’d argued with you about finding a motel, telling you she liked having someone to fill the silence of her little apartment.

So you stayed.

Right now, you were tucked in a little coffee shop, a mug in front of you as you waited for Lucy. She was off getting things ready for her upcoming art gallery in town so you’d been left to your own devices (which was fine). You were absently flicking through your social medias, listening to the locals discuss a plane that had touched down outside of town. You weren’t really paying any attention to it but the silence that enveloped the shop as the door opened certainly caught your notice.

You peeked over your shoulder, eyes widening as a disheveled – but still unnaturally beautiful – Natasha strolled over. She looked dress for war, but the uncertainty in her eyes left you frozen. In all the months you’d known her, she’d never looked so scared before. Like you were a wild cat that would either spring at her or dash away if she got too close.

“Hi,” she greeted, voice raspy and alluring.

You gaped, your throat suddenly so dry that it burned. You could tell your silence hurt Natasha but your lack of running away helped lessen the fear swirling inside her stomach. She cautiously grabbed the chair across from yours and dragged it closer, though she kept a respectable distance between you.

“W-why…how…um, huh?” you sputtered, trying to gather your thoughts. You had so many questions that wanted out and no idea how to ask them.

“You left New York,” she stated plainly, as if that explained everything – which, it did not.

“Yes?” you replied, though it definitely sounded like a question at that point.

Natasha cleared her throat, green dancing between your mug and the floor. “I was a coward,” she muttered, “The night you said you couldn’t do what we were doing anymore. I wanted to stay, but I was scared. Scared of what happens if I let you get too close; scared you wouldn’t like the real me. So, I left. But when I came to talk, you were gone.”

Her gaze almost felt accusing but you both knew she wasn’t angry with you.

“I –” you stopped yourself from apologizing. You hadn’t done anything wrong. You were the wounded party.

But looking at her, you wondered if maybe you weren’t the only one hurting.

“I shouldn’t have left,” she continued, lip trapped between perfect teeth. “I should’ve stayed when you asked and I’m sorry I didn’t. I should’ve told you I wanted more too. I should’ve given you everything instead of taking it. You were never just fun for me – and I wish I’d told you that sooner.”

“Nat,” you exhaled, watching her shoulders slump. “I wish you had too.”

She nodded, her hair obscuring your view, hiding that face you loved so much. “I know I don’t have a right to ask, but can we try again? Try to have something real this time? I can’t promise I’ll be perfect but I really want to give us a shot. Because losing you? It was one of the worst things I’ve ever felt.”

Your tongue was lead in your mouth, pressing it to your teeth. Thoughts swam through your mind at millions of miles per second and you wondered for a moment if you were dreaming. The air felt ten degrees hotter and you were fairly certain everyone was looking at you but you didn’t dare look away for even a millisecond.

“Hey, everything okay?” Lucy.

You didn’t even know she had arrived and suddenly the world felt like it was tipping on its axis. Natasha’s hair fluttered as her head snapped to the new arrival and you could see her heart turning to dust as she assumed the worst. Lucy’s eyes were on you but yours never left Natasha.

She didn’t say a word, merely kicking out of the chair and rushing from the shop, leaving you stunned. Another flurry of emotions and thoughts erupted in your brain but you knew one thing: you had find her.

You couldn’t lose her again.

Bolting off your chair, you lurched out of the shop and glanced about frantically. A glimpse of her black outfit was the only sign she’d ever existed in this little town and you surged after her, pushing your muscles in a way you hadn’t since you were forced to run a mile in gym.

You weren’t going to let her leave you again. If she left, there wasn’t going to be a third chance – and you knew it.

Catching her arm just outside of the trees that you assumed lead to her jet, you dragged her to a halt, breath escaping you in pants as you stared at the back of her head. This felt like something out of a stupid romantic comedy but that wasn’t your biggest concern.

“Natasha,” you started, though she hurriedly cut you off.

“It’s okay,” she sniffed, clearly fighting off her sorrow. “I get it. You don’t have to explain.” She was silently begging you not to. She couldn’t handle it if you did.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” you assured her, tugging on the skin-tight material clinging to her body. “Lucy’s just a friend I made when I stopped here. She’s not…we’re not…”

Instead of struggling to find the words, you simply jerked on Natasha’s arm, bringing her crashing into you. Her hands found your shoulders and yours cupped her face, thumbs brushing the stray tears away. You had so much you wanted to say but you’d been taught actions speak louder than words so with a rush of courage, your lips brushed hers.

She gasped, her lips still against your own and you wondered if you’d made a mistake. But, as she sagged into you, she fervently brought her mouth to yours, kissing you desperately. She clung to you like you’d disappear, arms coming around your neck to keep you close.

When air became a necessity, you pressed your forehead against hers and smiled. “Want to take a road trip with me?” you asked breathlessly, giggling as she nodded without hesitation.

“Yes.”

Maybe this was that world after all.

[ultranos]

Here's another question along the same lines. Who do you think would have the hardest time reconciling with Azula post canon? I would probably think that it would be Mai and Ty Le, since they were the ones who were hurt and affected most often by Azula and I'm not sure if they would want to reconcile with her after what they've been through. On a similar vein have you seen Aaron Ehasz's ideas on an Azula redemption?

So, that’s a bit harder and honestly depends on how I view Mai and Ty Lee’s mental states. And, honestly, how sympathetic I want to be to their various social positions and psychologies and how hypocritical I think they’d be.

Because personally, a lot of the emotional manipulation dynamics in that friendship come from the social structures (and Ozai’s fucked-up parenting). For example, I see the critical mistake Azula makes that leads to the breakdown of the friendship to be blurring the line between soldier and friend. She recruits them as a commanding officer/royal but still tries to be in the category of “friend”. That’s never a good thing to mix up, and the mixed signals inevitably blow up in a predictable way. Like...it’s kind of shitty to treat your friends as subordinates! And to use fear to “control” them! (actually it’s shitty to try to control your friends at all) Azula tries to and, well, we see what happens. And it’s fair for Mai and Ty Lee to begrudge her that.

However...I also question whether or not Azula would want to reconcile with Mai and Ty Lee. That bridge is fairly burnt, but the thing is, it really wasn’t Azula holding that torch. The betrayal at Boiling Rock was huge and fundamentally damaging. Yes, she threw them in prison. Thing is, she kind of had no choice. Mai and Ty Lee did, in fact, commit high treason right in front of an officer of the state (the princess) and witnesses (the guards) by letting the country’s most-wanted traitor go. Even if Azula wanted to, she can’t sweep that under the rug.

Because here’s the other side of the line “I love Zuko more than I fear you”: Ozai would consider Mai and Ty Lee as soldiers under Azula as a commanding officer. Their failures fall on Azula’s neck. Ozai burned half of Zuko’s face off already. What would he do to the child who let said traitor go free and then tried to cover it up? There’s a reading here that Mai basically told Azula “I love Zuko more than I give a shit about if your dad decides to see if his other kid is just as flammable”. That between Zuko and Azula, Mai would be fine sending the latter to her death. And told her this in the most knife-twisting way possible.

I don’t know about you, but Azula is also well-within her rights to not want anything to do with either of them after a betrayal like that. I think for personal healing reasons, she would deserve a chance to acknowledge harm done and apologize for that. But if she wanted to walk away after that, that’s entirely fine. It’d could be healthy for all three of them.

Which kind of leads me to your other question. Yeah, I’ve seen the tweets about Aaron Ehasz’s ideas. I’d worry how much of that becomes kind of misery-revenge-fantasy-by-proxy? Like, the kid is already close to rock bottom. She doesn’t need to go further, because that’s just shitting on the character honestly. And she doesn’t need to don a sackcloth and beg on her knees for forgiveness from people. What the kid needs is a safe space to heal, to figure out right from wrong and how to be a person, to screw up a few times. She’s not going to get that in a situation with the people she hurt and the people who hurt her breathing down her neck (even if they mean to be helpful!). And while Zuko being the one to lead her back has a certain narrative poetry, Zuko is also a hot-headed 16-year-old boy. I didn’t have the emotional maturity this kind of task would require at age 20. The person who should “be Azula’s Iroh” is...fucking Iroh himself, instead of dropping yet another monumental task on his nephew’s shoulders.

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Ricky Vaughn

(Not my gif)(Requested by @ageofthegeekbby )

(A little heads up: I’ve only watched the first movie so that’s what this is based off of)

- You and Ricky met when he first arrived at the field. You were hired as an assistant to the coach, you’d keep notes and files on the players and take calls while the coach was busy so you obviously came into contact with the players during the day.

- Ricky is an ...intimidating figure. He’s this brooding, mysterious guy with a hair pin temper; and a criminal record behind him. That being said, you couldn’t deny that he was attractive. Alternative, punky and a damn good player; he always caught your eye when you were out on the field.

- As a sort of protocol, you were introduced to everyone just before tryouts began. With that in mind, you had your first conversation with Ricky after one of the teams practices.

“Hey! Hey, you!” He’d called after you and you’d paused a bit nervously in your place.

“What uh-what do you have written for me in that book of yours?” He asked.

“I’m not really allowed to share that Mr. Vaughn.” You’d replied quietly.

“Well, can you ...can you just tell me if I’m getting the slip or not?” You looked at him and immediately saw the anxiety hidden behind his cool facade.

Taking pity on him you gave him his answer before walking off the field. “Not this week Mr. Vaughn.”

- After that, the two of you were still practically strangers to each other but you did share a few conversations and polite hellos every now and again. He felt like you were someone he could trust, someone that was one his side, regardless of the fact that you weren’t exactly friends. He liked you ...he liked you a lot.

- It was after another practice that his friends invited you out for a drink with them. When you showed up, you found that only Ricky was there and he seemed just as surprised at the fact that you were left alone together as you were.

- Regardless of the somewhat strange circumstances, the two of you shared a few drinks with each other. It was a bit awkward at first but you quickly found a subject you could both talk about.

- And talk you did! Hour after hour flew by before you checked your watch and realized how late it was. The two of you finished your drinks and began your trek outside.

- While you were walking back to your cars, he’d abruptly turned around and asked if you wanted to go out sometime, blurting it out before he backed out of asking. You smiled and agreed, writing down your number before saying goodnight and driving off, leaving him with a small grin spreading across his face.

- You have your first real date about a week or so later. The two of you go to a more quiet bar and grill as compared to the previous rowdy one you’d met at. He’s charming in his own rebellious type of way, interesting with a lot of crazy stories that you get to pull out of him. You both have chemistry and it’s obvious that you’re gonna see a lot more of each other after that.

- The two of you share your first kiss before one of his big games. Right before he was going to go out on the field, he’d pulled you in for a quick, rough, passionate kiss; as though kissing you would clear his head. And maybe it did, since he ended up winning that game for his team.

- From then on, you’re his little good luck charm.

- He likes Pda but that “macho man” sort of Pda. He wants to show people that you’re together; and just touch you in public, but he doesn’t want to look like a total wimp while doing it. 

- He’ll usually just keep his arm around your shoulders. 

- Kisses on the top of your head. 

- Quick kisses before he goes off to do something, usually playing on the field or going off with friends. 

- Passionate, rough kisses. 

- Intense and heated makeouts. 

- He enjoys cuddling when you do it but it’s not this necessary thing for him, if that makes sense. Whenever you do cuddle, he’ll usually be the big spoon or you’ll be in the “shingles” position. 

- He sort of loves it when you call him wild thing. There’s just something so much better about it when it’s coming from you; even if you’re sort of mocking him with it. 

- Half the time he absentmindedly calls you pet names but other times he uses them to tease you. He’ll usually call you things like Chickie, Princess, babe, and sweetheart. 

- He probably gets a tattoo of you or your name; or something specific about your relationship, after the two of you have been together for a while. 

- Sharing and swapping earrings with each other. 

- As much as he loves everything about you, he can’t deny that he finds it hot when you wear leather and dark clothing. You’ve never seen such a “I’m in love” look spread across a mans face in your life.

- He gets you this little skull necklace that has his name engraved in the back and it quickly becomes your favorite piece of jewelry.

- Whenever he doesn’t have to wear it, he’ll affectionately shove his hat onto your head. He thinks you look cute in it and it’s one of those moments that bystanders see and think to themselves “oh, so thats why they’re a couple”.

- Wearing his jackets. He’ll put them over your shoulders whenever he knows its cold; even if you insist that you’re fine.

- Helping him cut his hair. It doesn’t even matter if you somewhat mess up since being messy and haphazard is what he’s all about.

- Running your fingers through his hair. He likes it and it helps give him that “I just got out of bed and don’t give a shit what I look like” look.

- Carrying an extra pair of glasses for him. He appreciates when you say that you think he looks good in them considering he thinks he looks like a jackass half the time.

- Buying him books to read while he’s traveling with his team.

- Late night visits when he’s in town. 

- Attending as many of his games as you can. 

- He has your picture taped up in his locker at all times. Like I said: you’re his good luck charm.

- Hearing a lot of interesting stories, both about his criminal past and his baseball career. 

- Sometimes you’ll just be reminded that he was a felon. Like you’ll forget your keys somewhere and he’ll pick your lock, or hotwire you’re car, etc. 

- Being stopped on the street or just approached in public when you’re with him since he’s The Wild Thing.

- Getting close with Jake and Willie; they are responsible for the two of you going out with each other after all.

- Teasing each other. He can be a smartass when he wants to be but other times its adorably sweet.

- He has fun with you; pretty much, no matter what you do. He’s a man and you’re his girl, he’ll humor you and your interests and he’s fully willing to chew someone out if they try to give him shit for it.

- He’s not  really used to fancy restaurants; or fancy anything, so you tend to not go to them. He’s completely out of his element there so it’s probably easier on you to just choose more laid back places.

- He sort of just tails you silently whenever you bring him somewhere that isn’t his usual scene. You get your own personal living shadow for as long as you’re there.

- Horror movie dates. 

- Bar dates. 

- He probably buys a motorcycle; or already has one, so you’ll most likely take a few rides on that every now and again. 

- He can be surprisingly sweet with you when you’re upset. He’ll kneel down in front of you and take you by the arms or face, asking what's wrong and listening quietly as you tell him. He’ll comfort you no matter how stupid the issue is.

- Your parents either love or hate him; there is no in between when it comes to the wild thing.

- Trying to help keep his temper in check. 

- He tries to avoid things when he’s worried about them so you’ll occasionally have to give him a bit of a push and a pep talk.

- He always tries to keep his problems to himself. He doesn’t want to bother you with what's going on with him so he’ll usually just not tell you about them.

- He’s a very jealous person but not towards you, if that makes sense. Like he’ll get angry and want to fight with the guy rather than you whenever he does feel that way; especially if they know that you’re together.

- Overprotective. He’s immediately willing to fight someone for you; it’s how he shows his love.

“Want me to drag him out of here and kick the shit out of him?” He’s being completely serious.

- The two of you don’t have a lot of fights in your relationship but when you do, you’ll yell, curse, and borderline insult each other. He has some anger issues so he may throw things as well, but that’s usually after you’ve left.

- Whenever the two of you fight, he’ll usually go to drown his sorrows at the bar; that’s where you’ll pretty much always find him. He’ll apologize shyly whenever he has to and he’ll always easily forgive you when you have to; he doesn’t take things personally so he just sweeps whatever you may have said in anger under the rug.

- He’s only told you that he loves you a handful of times and each of them were during an important moment in your relationship/his life. He doesn’t take the phrase very lightly.

- He’ll never admit it but he definitely wants to have kids with you some day.

[yandere-mha-blog]

Chapter 3: Getting interesting

Words: 2176

You sat alone at your desk that day, looking over at Fumiko who saw you looking knowing that you knew that she was looking at you, and quickly turned her head, she must have felt ashamed about how everything was handled. You were paying attention like usual when you overheard some girls talking.

“So did you hear that Akio got put in the hospital by the nighthawk.” one said

“Really, you would think the heroes would have caught him by now.” the other one said, you had to hold your tongue saying how Akio was actually a bastard and had it coming that night, still then people would talk about you and your involvement and right now you had to finish school, four years of this wasn't about to be flushed down the drain because you were interested in this so-called villain, still it brought up a lot of questions now, how many of these attacks were actually prompted, what other tricks was he able to pull off.

You left your last class around 9 at night, night classes always sucked but what else could you do as you kept walking down the pavement only to see something bright red catch your eye. You stopped to make sure your eyes weren't playing tricks on you as you saw the red feather laying on the ground the other way, was this another “gift” of his?

Curiosity may have killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back, so you went over to the feather and it moved down the street, was he playing with you, it was either follow the feather or go home and do more boring work. So you followed the feather to satisfy your curiosity as you went down the street. What exactly was he doing as the feather stopped outside a public park? It was empty or so you thought as you picked up the feather and walked in.

“I believe you dropped this,” you said looking up in a tree to see him with his foot dangling down

“Oh is that where I left it, you are doing me a big favor by bringing it here,” he said as the feather flew out of your hand and attached back to his wings

“I know you can control them, so what is this about?” you asked

“What about it, I am just chilling in a tree.” he said, “you are the one who followed my feather-like a baby duck following its mother.” “I am not a baby duck.” you said “Why do you keep leaving them for me to find?”

“Because...we are both birds,” he said

“You have to be kidding me, I'm not a bird,” you said

“Sure you are, you got them sharp talons, you can do some serious damage to someone if you wanted, is that why you want to become a doctor.”

“Excuse me, how do you know that?” you said

“I can also hear through my feathers you know.” he said “And see, like how a dolphin has echolocation.” “More like a platypus and it's bill,” you said

“Hahah true, true.” he said “When you sliced open my feather oh so rudely the other day, I was also able to see all your textbooks.” He said stretching his wings out “is why you want to become a doctor, because it's the only way you can cut people open without being labeled violent.”

“...” you were silent as one of his bigger feathers nudge your face

“You can tell me.” he said “I am not one to judge here, you know.”

“Why are you so interested in that?” you asked

“Tell you what, you tell me the truth and ill tell you something interesting about my glorious self,” he said

“Okay fine, you got me okay, I don't know what it is but as a child I would find dead animals and just want to use my talons to study them more, I was curious about it,” you said

“Well birds gotta fly, you gotta do that.” Hawks said, “So did your parents find out.”

“They did, they sent me to therapy and I suppressed it, till well I was doing dissection in class and well old habits die hard I guess,” you said

“You are telling me.” Hawks said, patting your head with one of his wings “So then what happened?” “I got sent to the school therapist, again, and she told me my curiosity was good but wasn't being used the right way and that there are other ways to learn about stuff and maybe biology was my passion, but using a scalpel can only go so far.”

“I get that like I can fly a plane, but it isn't anything like using my wings.” Hawks said, “Now my turn, hm let's see what can I tell you.”

“Why are you a villain?” you asked

“I don't like people telling me what to do, I like to do what I want on my terms.” He said, “I can't exactly do that if someone has their hands on my wings.”

“So you don't see yourself as a villain?” you asked

“Not really, the Hero public safety commission has been trying to get their hands on me since I was a child, maybe that's why I;m able to be better than most trained heroes.”

“Really now,” you said, so that's why they were so adamant about catching him.

“Haha, they won't ever catch me.” Hawks said “Anyway, I think you need to stop suppressing your quirk. When I saw you use your quirk on that guy who attacked you, you got scared after using your quirk on him.”

“I was mostly angry at him, why did you go after him?” you asked

“It's what I do, I see someone hurting someone else. I don't care if they are a hero, villain, or civilian.” “Well right now you are the only one who is on my side,” you said kicking the ground

“Funny, I feel the same way about you.” He said with a smile, you laughed a bit

“YOu aren't anything like I expected.” you said “I read so many news stories about how you were some evil killer villain, yet here you are having a full conversation with a civilian.”

“Hahah it's kinda funny when you think about it, you get bored easily huh?”

“I do and I hate it.” you said swinging your arms out “I mean each day something over and over again, learning stuff I already know just so I can satisfy my quirk.”

“Well if you got talons use them, you don't see me not using my wings.” he laughed with you “Still you should enjoy your boredom when you can.” “Haha I’ll try, thanks hawks I feel better,” you said

“I feel better too, when you are running from the law you don't have time to sit back and talk much, most people run away screaming.” “Hmm wonder where they would get that idea from,” you said

“Haha yeah wonder where.” Hawks said before his laughter died down. “Still it's getting late. You should head back to your dorm and enjoy a nice cup of tea.”

“I will, thanks for talking to me, you think we will talk again?” you asked

“Maybe if our paths cross again,” he said standing up in the tree

“What does that mean?” you asked, he just tilted his head before smiling, and in the blink of an eye, he was gone only with a gust of wind left in your face.

Maybe it was the fact you were smiling all day the next day that Fumiko was getting worried about you since at lunch she walked over

“Hey…(name) can we talk?” she asked

“Sure,” you said

“Well, Akio is getting out of the hospital and I would like if we can all talk this out,” she said

“Fine, I'll 'talk 'to him,” you said, wanting to see his face and maybe giving him a couple of good slaps.

“Great, I'm glad we can all sweep this under the rug,” she said, no you were not going to sweep this under the rug, what delusional world was she living in.

Still, you went with her to the hospital to see this man again, you and her went into his hospital room and he was slashed up, good you thought.

“Hey Akio how are you feeling?” she asked

“I'm doing good, thanks,” he said

“That's too bad,” you said crossing your arms

“(name) Akio is recovering can’t you try to forgive him?” she asked

“Forgive him, after what he tried to pull,” you said

“Hey, I was drunk. I didn't know what I was doing.” he said.'' Besides, didn't pay the price, I almost died.” you rolled your eyes

“Oh please if the Nighthawk wanted you dead you would be dead.” you said “I let me tell you i will never forgive you, oh you were drunk, you seem sober enough to try to get me home, to walk out of the bar without stumbling, the only reason I'm not taking this to the police is that I know shit bags like you get off with this every time.”

“Hey I was just trying to be nice!” he said, ” Hey Fumiko I thought you said you were here to smooth things over.”

“That's what I thought.” Fumiko said “Hasn't he suffered enough?

“No,” you said, “and if I see you come near me on campus again, you will wish the NIghthawk killed you.”

“(NAME)!” she yelled at you grabbing your arm, you brushed her off

“You are just as bad as he is,” you said and stomped out you got your message across by slamming the door.

You had better things to do anyways like reviewing your notes, you were getting bored again as you tapped your pencil on your desk.

Hawks on the other hand had just got done stopping a purse snatcher, where were the heroes anyway he thought that there should be more around this time as he reattached one of his bigger Primarie feathers, his work still wasn’t done for the night crime never slept there was always something going on somewhere. But he was getting hungry so he might as well grab something to eat as he landed in an alleyway and hid his wings and put his jacket over and walked into a convenient store to grab a bite.

“Is that all?” he asked

“Yup.” Hawks said

“Okay your total is 580 yen,” he said, hawks took out his coin pouch and paid the man, before leaving, convenience store food was easy to get and rather cheap but he was worried he was gonna gain a gut at this point, with his wings he wouldn't have anything hindering his flight ability, he wondered how miss talons were doing right now, maybe he would stop by for a visit.

You were about to pass out at your desk when you heard a tapping at your window, you looked over and saw Hawks hanging upside down tapping at your window. You walked over and opened the door.

“Oh so our paths do meet again it seems,” you said

“You know it chickadee,” he said. “Man convenience store food is good and all but it's so greasy.”

“How do you pay for that?” you asked

“I take money off the people I beat up.” Hawks said, “You look like you are in a bad mood?”

“I am,” you said

“What's got you under the weather?”Hawks asked

“Akio is getting out of the hospital and everyone is telling me to forgive him when I'm not.” You said

“Ahh well if it makes you feel better, I stole his wallet the other day.” Hawks said, you rolled your eyes

“I wish that made me feel better, I don't know why everyone is thinking I'm in the wrong here,” you said

“People are complicated, they don't like to believe someone they know is capable of doing dirty things.” Hawks said rubbing his chin “You can either let other people get you down when you are in the right, or you can know you are right and say screw em.”

“I say they screwed them.” you said “It feels nice to have someone on my side for once, this school sucks.”

“Why don't you leave, do something worth your time?” Hawks asked

“I...can’t,” you said

“OH, I see.” Hawks said, narrowing his eyes and flipping back up on the pole to his feet, “And here I thought you were different.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” you said getting a little upset with him

“Nothing, nothing, I just thought you were a woman who did stuff worth her time is all, it's sad to see you wasting your potential here.” Hawks said

“I'm not wasting-” you want to say but a large gust of wind hit your face again and you sighed, before slamming the window shut in anger, anger that you felt like he was right.

[gammacousin]

Okay. I’m ready to real talk Black Widow. I don’t want to but as an activist there’s an obligation I have to share and educate. I nerd to forget but I suppose it shows the power of this movie if it brings something real into the light.

*Spoiler Warning. Trigger warning for everything.*

There are some things I want to say that could potentially spoil aspect of the Black Widow film. I also would advise you to skip this post if you have a darker past, if you aren’t interested in getting serious, or wish to skim by, I’m sincerely not judging! I come on here to avoid the universe as well. You do you, I totally still love you if you don’t read this and want to move onto something nerdy or more fun. This isn’t the post for you.

It’s taken me a while to process and organize my thoughts. Skip if you don’t want to hear deep, raw stories.

3

2

Okay. Nerd review first.

The level of girl power and any and all glass ceilings… There is SO much left to do. So much that needs to still be addressed. But seeing 3 women run this show: Yelena, Natasha, and Melina was an absolute joy to observe. This isn’t the end of some hard waged war, it’s the beginning and I beg you; Disney/Marvel. Please give us more of this? It’s so important for young girls to see other girls kicking butt and winning. Quick summary of nerd feelings; Losing Nat still burns. Yelena is a boss.

Okay…Real talk.

I have to get a little deeper here now. My personal story absolutely played into how I felt about this film and I wish I saw some trigger warnings about the material covered. Do I know Black Window’s story? Yes. In and out. I can read it, I can write my FF on it. However. Little to no one knows my story and so absolutely no one is to blame for not warning me. I was not expecting to come out this shook.

I’m sharing this because it’s happening now, today. In the real world. I doubt the film makers had this mind over other social issues, but after feeling like it’s irrelevant, that my pain is somehow less than, I’m realizing through my activism it’s not.

I grew up in a cult where women are not relevant. You matter up to a point. You are useful, to a point. If you’re giving 24/7, you’re not giving enough. If you’re not smiling as you’re doing cult stuff, you’re complacent. In addition to why I’m about to share, my house growing up was not a safe space which is a story for another time. So it’s a stack…this janga-ish game that eventually just comes crashing down.

My trigger started moments after the film started the handing over of the kids. When Alexei chooses the job over the welfare of the girls. Alexei put his two “daughters” in danger to save ‘face’. To put the job ahead of two children…it hit home. In the group I’m from, fathers, mothers, grandparents, siblings will absolutely choose the group over blood. You are nothing and you mean nothing if you ‘defect’. If you break a rule. If you complain. If you say ‘no’. If you put in a bad review for a leader, if you have anything bad at all to say about the organization as a whole. You can confide something deep in someone you trust and it absolutely will come back to hurt you.

The title song shook me completely. This collage of video and images of brainwashing, treating these girls like absolute objects is disgusting in itself. But when you’re raised in this other world, there’s a level of brainwashing that is absolutely unmatched. Videos, books, quizzes, 12 hour lectures, weekly meetings.

People are unified to the point where you lose your own identity. There’s a language- a literally language- words you start to misuse. Verbiage only people in the cult use. Kids of any age will watch any rated film. Frequently the themes are about obedience and or cooperation and the consequences if you do not cooperate/obey. Death is a such a common theme that either you become petrified of your own shadow, petrified of breathing wrong, or turn completely numb. In sharing these videos, the goal is to instill this fear that you will never be enough. That you will die- turn into a charred hot dog of a figure if you do not obey 8 white men - the leaders, in New York. That your friends, classmates, neighbors, family will die if they don’t believe what you do. That you’re held accountable if you can’t bring them to your side.

The song for the credits hit me. I cannot listen to it. I have no idea what it was about.

When I watched the film, I couldn’t focus at this point at gosh barely 15 minutes in. I had already checked out. I heard keywords. “Entertainers,” “I feel stupid and contagious…”

In my world, I did not matter. What mattered was, what was presented to the public. To your group. Meeting some checklist of this perfect family at any cost. You’re not an individual, you’re a number. Literally. Your records are documented by men in the back room- your actions, your track record. But ultimately? You’re part of a numeral equation reported to headquarters. And if you’re a woman, you do not have a say in how you look, dress, act or in what you say. You are as the title song says, …“Entertainers”. You smile. You do your job, and you are ‘happy’ about it. Your job is to dedicate x amount of hours cleaning the room you gather in, and in recruitment of other members…

There’s a ‘job’ in the cult called a “pioneer”. Okay. No, we might not have been trained assassins. But you are trained to manipulate emotionally. To prey on the weak. You get books, magazines, movies, speeches, lectures- you rarely get a free Saturday. Oh and the job isn’t paid. So make sure you’re working (part time because full time secular work isn’t acceptable) at a desk job (because college and getting an education is not allowed). Don’t make friends with the people who work with you, they’re out to get you. Back at the club; You answer questions like it’s some schoolastic quiz every week and quote what your reading. It’s a brainwashing tactic. If you say something enough times, you remember it. You start to believe it. You spend hours reading these things, training… Your job is to target people who have lost- and have lost a lot because they’re vulnerable. You learn to go to cemeteries, and literally stalk people who are grieving. Like Val. If you can catch someone when they’re weak, senses are dulled. They’re desperate. And you bait them with this false promise. This idea that all THEY have to do is change all that they are, join you, and they’ll see their dead loved ones again. That they are doomed if they don’t change. Most pioneers draft 2-4 people per lifetime. If you’re a great saleswoman, you can draft more into this horrific world. And I regret the hours I spent lying, torturing people. For some cult that doesn’t give two cents about me.

I 100% believed of I didn’t convince my classmates, neighbors, to join my side they would either turn me in or they would be killed by a divine being. From 2 years old I was supposedly handing out pamphlets. The doom is not a quick painless death, no. You have visuals. You have men getting up to talk in detail about what your ‘friends’ will look like as corpses. Visually descriptive to the point where I still feel a bit numb to it all. That you will have to bury their bodies after the whole divine destruction. That you will have to “clean up” the earth. You are numb- convinced- bullied to the point where you believe this is true.

If you’re hurt as MANY WOMEN AND CHILDREN ARE, and you don’t have two people to testify and say they saw it- it never happened. Abuse is the norm. And if you speak up about it? You’re called a liar. Your friends cut you off. They think you’ll die along with everyone else if you put in a ‘bad review’ or leave. You’re bullied into submission and taught from a young age that you are not in control of your own decisions. You relinquish yourself under the pretense that the men you have such reverence toward are under some divine being’s control.

Your parents hurting you is acceptable. And don’t you dare speak against your father if he’s deeply involved. Don’t even think about approaching if he’s on a phone call. If you’re hit you take it- because you “deserved” it. And you smile. You shove that pain deep down. You hide the bruise, the cut lip, the depression, the bottles of pills you’re swallowing the whatever….You’re screwed if you faint, throw up, pass out, because you’ve missed a meeting. You better be dying for that to happen…

The idea that is portrayed in the movie (IMO) is that you can forgive family who hurts you. I see people forgiving Alexei and what’s her name. Look- that’s great. It’s a fun film. Alexei is funny. Here’s what I saw; it’s a toxic man- nay- father who can’t accept responsibility. He takes pride in what the girls have become- monsters. Not in who they are at their core. He has no idea who they are. And the mom has this photo album…I’m tearing up. She remembers this a certain way, a wishful thought. I’ve confronted my own mother about our past and had an album thrown at me, “We were happy. You were happy.” The fact is I was told the smile. You’re forcing this perception that everything was normal. That it’s okay to go back. (I’m not taking away Yelena’s view that everything was real to her, that’s fine for the sake of the story, and sweet. The moment between her and Alexei..fine. Milena turns and takes their side at the end, great.) The problem with how I saw this, is that’s not how the real world works. I don’t owe my parents forgiveness when I didn’t mean shit to them. When people leave the cult they’re cut off. Treated like they’re dead. I didn’t find these moments cute, I found them horrific. Hugging me, saying he’s proud of me is the toxic sh** my father would pull. Ignoring the holes in the wall, in my skull, the phony impression he gives to the rest of the group. Hugging me…after sweeping everything he did not only to me, but countless others under the rug because the cult…because 8 men in NY will protect him. Legally. Or otherwise.

I don’t need to forgive my parents. If you’ve been mistreated, you don’t owe anyone anything. They can “try” to do the right thing, that doesn’t somehow block out years of mistreatment. Years of trauma. Sheetrock only patches the surface of the broken walls. Wounds heal but some scars stay with you forever. Metaphorically or otherwise.

‘Entertainers’ was a trigger word because if you’re high enough in the ranking system you’re asked to “testify” or share a story. It’s in front of a couple thousand. It’s an “honor”. What it really is, is a three ring circus. You will only see women on the sidelines reading from the cards while only men stand at the main podium. They’re reading what they have told them to say. Stories are manipulated, cut, changed to fit a narrative that better suits the group of a couple thousand members.

Dreykov. I hate this. But I have to go there. I’m neck deep already, might as well. I think the worst part of all of it is that you can’t touch the person who made you this way. Those 6-7-8 leaders are untouchable. It doesn’t matter what you try. What legal entities, ex groups have tried. There’s a term for us and we are considered ‘mentally diseased.’ Members are told to avoid us. And in case you were curious, no, they can’t just break their nose on a table to be free- if only it were that simple. Gosh that got me. I would cut a limb, split my skull open, if it meant I could just cut a chord. It takes years of therapy and I still have nightmares. Urges to just, go. I’m OKAY. But most escapees are not. If you manage to escape with your life and don’t end it because the pressure, guilt, abuse that comes with leaving is too much. (This is sadly the fate of MANY LBGTQ+ members.)

The only hope is either the group eventually runs out of money or they’re taken down legally. Both of which are impossible since many older members will leave all they have to the group rather than to their family. It’s a complex billion dollar publishing company that plays monopoly with people’s investments, homes, and lives.

If you speak up, you’re the liar. So you cannot free your friends, who have turned on you, already cut you off, and discarded you the day you walked out and didn’t come back.

Watching Natasha, and Yelena free their sisters made me think of every woman who is stuck in this cult. For every woman, child, currently being sexually/physically abused and can’t say sh** because they literally believe god will kill them. If I say anything to them, they block me. If I expose what’s happening they will lie in court. That’s what is happening. And it’s not in the news, it’s not talked about. Because you can’t. You’re forced into silence. There’s a block. A literal legal force field that you cannot penetrate. They have their own lawyers. You can’t break into it. You’ll lose every, single, legal battle you try to fight.

Was this a decent movie? Yes. Was I expecting to share this days after release, no. I’ve been forced into silence for so long, told that people have it far worse and that I shouldn’t talk about it. But just today I saw a grown ass couple in an escapee group, talking about how one trigger word sent them into a depressive spiral. Wondering if some god damn lightening will come out of the sky and knock them dead. And we frickin struggle in silence. People will just shrug and go “oh it can’t be that bad,” while my gay best friend can’t catch an effing break. While someone else suffers at home because god wants it that way. Someone else will bury their kid today, maybe not even hold a funeral for them if they were ‘mentally diseased.’

For people like that couple I met today, like me, if you don’t just see a fun film but a darker past or maybe it’s brought up some memories for you, I’d honestly love to chat!!! Message me! I feel like for as painful as this is to hash out not too many people know about what goes on behind a group of smiling, well dressed woman who come knocking on your door. “It’s just a religion.”

I guess I didn’t realize…the criminal aspect of what happened to me. You’re so ingrained to keep quiet. To smile. To ignore, to suppress. I can smile, joke laugh, but visualizing…inadvertently seeing this mirror was so unbelievably uncomfortable. I would always rather help someone else because it takes me out of my head. Live in a bubble where I can call my trauma a ‘fantasy’. What’s real is when someone like me has a bad day? Lol! Look, my husband literally checks his phone to make sure a conversation never touches a couple hundred trigger words that will absolutely send me into the closet with a gallon of ice cream or a bottle of whiskey. I can’t imagine what someone else, what some other traumatized individual goes through. (Maybe that’s why the Bucky stuff makes me all angry She-Hulk too..)

Look, talking people ex members of this group, out of suicide is a daily endeavor to the point where it’s borderline on autopilot. But having this, I suppose, brilliant, piece of cinema turn the camera around left me raw and writhing and angry. Not for me, but for everyone else still stuck. With every year you spend in that cult, add ten more to therapy.

If you feel like me at all, you’re not alone. Not anymore. We were raised to feel alone in the world. That the universe is somehow out to get us and that’s simply not true. You don’t need the people who raised you if they were absolute shit bags. And you DO NOT have to forgive them for keeping you in that environment. Family isn’t family if they’ve hurt you. You owe them nothing. It is healthy to feel your feelings (and you and your feelings are valid. )

Anyways! I hope to be able to talk about more fun Marvel topics soon. But this felt important so thanks for listening. I’m really not hating guys, this is just…it’s heavy. And I beg you to do your research into cults and to help out where you can.

Love and light,

-M

[infinitecrime]

Spoiler-free TFATWS Ep. 1 review:

A strong and promising set-up episode to reintroduce us to these characters and where they’re at now, with plenty of (sometimes a little clunky...) world building, beautiful cinematography and action sequences, and some really likable new characters. Grounded in reality but it still felt big and like everything could kick off at any time. I have some reservations about Sam’s writing so far but got everything I wanted from Bucky’s. 8/10

Spoiler-heavy review:

Plot/Writing:

No big issues with the plot; it was a set up episode so I wasn’t expecting any huge revelations. Everything was very well done.

Sam’s scenes were meant to show the mundane and realistic aspects of being a superhero and the struggles of post-blip life, but at times they felt a little too mundane and repetitive, particularly the bank stuff. I feel like something more substantial could have been done with Sarah to make that plotline more tense and add real stakes - her car getting towed, an eviction notice, a bailiff coming round, for example? We hear that they’re struggling, but we don’t really see it.

There were a couple of moments of exposition that were so clunky and forced that it really made them stand out, because the rest of the script was so smooth and natural. Particularly Torres explaining who the flag smashers were to Sam, Yori suddenly being reminded of his son, and then some of the lines in the loan scene.

The audience isn’t dumb; we can figure these things out for ourselves. For example, the line from Yori about his son could have been cut entirely because it was already obvious. Bucky seeing the photo in the shrine at the end should have been the reveal for anyone who hadn’t figured it out.

In prior movies we’ve had plenty of backstory for Bucky, but no personality, and plenty of personality for Sam, but no backstory. They needed to fill in those gaps in a way that didn’t have us drowning in constant angst with Bucky, or drowning in constant exposition with Sam. I think we were successful with Bucky because he had some light moments, but Sam’s scenes were just a bit too exposition heavy to feel quite natural. I’m forgiving them because it’s a set up episode, but they need to balance this better in the future.

Sam:

Loved Sam’s action scenes, his relationship with Torres, his interactions with members of the public, all the stuff at the Smithsonian with Rhodey, and his banter with his family. Anthony killed the Smithsonian speech scene and his chemistry with Sarah and Torres is great. But most of the reservations I have about this series after the first episode are about Sam’s scenes, even though I liked them overall.

His writing started very strong but then kind of... fizzled out up until the last 2 minutes? Despite Sam being arguably the most charismatic and likeable and emphatic characters in the MCU, his characterisation just didn’t really come across in the latter half, because he seemed a little too out of touch with what Sarah was going through. Having so many scenes of people hero-worshipping him in one short episode definitely didn’t help with this - we put him in a down to earth, everyman setting but didn’t really see him being that everyman that we know he is, especially when we compare him to Bucky who’s living largely incognito. If I had been a first time MCU viewer I would not have been endeared to him or really gotten what his character was about because it seemed a bit all over the place.

I think this could have been fixed by having a darker scene with his family that would have humbled him to the audience and given Anthony an opportunity to flex his range. Like visiting his parents graves, or being unable to connect with his nephew’s because he’s been gone so long they don’t recognise him, or assuring Sarah that everything’s going to be fine with money then looking at an empty bank account and panicking when she was out of the room. Without that scene it just felt like he was brushing Sarah’s reality and struggles off with an “eh, it’ll be fine!” attitude. We got some range from his character at the Smithsonian, but even that felt like it was more about the shield and the symbol than about Sam and Steve, because we weren’t told whether Steve is alive or dead or still in Sam’s life, so we don’t really know what Sam is feeling.

I’m hoping now that the character set up is done and the fight for the shield gets going, this will get better.

Also, while Sam's opening sequence was awesome and really showed the capabilities of the wings and Red Wing and Sam himself, it felt ever so slightly too OP on the tech front. Unless Redwing has semi-sentient AI like Jarvis the way it works is just too unbelievable, and the wings also seemed to be semi-sentient or controlled by his brain somehow? I think they need to figure out exactly how his tech works because right now we’re leaning into ‘magic wings’ territory. 

Bucky:

I love that Sam has been trying to reach out to him as mentioned by the therapist. I wish Sam and Rhodey had paused at his exhibit in the Smithsonian or mentioned him to tie the two storylines together more tightly. 

This Bucky is my exact Bucky. This is the absolutely perfect characterisation for me. Snarky, funny, smart, kind of a dork, morally grey, riddled by guilt, trying to do the right thing, depths of sadness and rage and loss, barely holding it together, regaining his old sass and personality and memories but forever a changed man. He wasn’t a totally broken damsel in distress, he wasn’t a completely lawful good hero, he was an independent but traumatised man trying his best to heal.

I’m happy that they mentioned his family and the ‘man out of time’ thing was dealt with very well. He’s wasn’t totally lost, just bemused but adapting well. I was worried they were going to sweep it all under the rug because they felt all ground had been covered with Steve, but they didn’t.

It’s also great that they showed he was capable with technology. The Winter Soldier would absolutely have used all kinds of tech, Bucky was always a science nerd, and he lived in high-tech Wakanda for a few years. He’s likely fine with technology, it’s the people and culture he doesn’t understand.

I love him trying to date and being flirty. I will continue to fight the people who say he shouldn’t be dating because he has PTSD - it’s fucking ableist and patronising. Also, he’s been free from HYDRA for almost 5 years (10 if you count the blip). When is he allowed to start dating if not after 5 whole years?! 

Sam has previously been the funny one but I think Bucky had better one liners here. I can’t wait until we see both of them together, their chemistry is unmatched.

Seb does all these conflicting emotions and micro-expressions and feelings hidden in the eyes so, so well. You feel it all - the guilt and shame, the desperation to make amends, but also the rage and need for revenge and killer instinct bubbling under the surface that he’s constantly having to fight down. This is a character with a dark side, and no matter how fandom may characterise him, he always has been. Seb really bought the comedy here too. 

Bucky having P.W. Hauser in his book was hilarious. 

New Characters:

All the new characters felt very real and likeable. Loved the girl in the restaurant (did they actually say her name? I think from the credits she must be Leah), Sarah Wilson, the no-shit taking therapist, Yori, and particularly Torres, who I have a feeling will die but I really love.

I see from the IMDB that Leah is listed as appearing in all 6 episodes, so maybe there will be an actual relationship between her and Bucky? Or she’s a secret super hero or not who she seems?  We didn’t actually see Batroc die, meaning he will likely come back too. He’s listed as only having 1 ep on IMDB but so is the therapist and we know she comes back from the promos - maybe IMDB is just wrong, idk.

Other:

The cinematography was really great, some beautiful shots here, especially around Louisiana and the Tunisia stuff. 

It’s such a minor thing but I like when people actually get to speak the languages they would speak in that situation, instead of a room full of French people speaking English for the audiences benefit. It feels so much more real.

Even the end credits were beautiful!