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#Ive always had my crushes in school or online and ive been able to deal with it bc i dont have to be so close to them
mrfoox · 2 years
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Having an crush on someone you meet weekly 1on1 sucks, I don't know how people live like this
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dgtn · 1 year
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Hey all! So I wanted to take a few to introduce myself. Another blogger did this a few days back and I was just like omg I need to do that too!
So my name is Diane and I am at midlife now in terms of age. I have been married for over 20 years and have 2 amazing kids, a young man and a daughter.
We live in Tennessee. I love so many different genres of music - my playlist has everything from BTS to Carrie Underwood, Troye Sivan, Coldplay, Bon Jovi, Metallica, Aretha Franklin…you name it…it’s probably on my list!
Outside of BTS and Jikook I love spending time with my family, health, fitness, and making jewelry, and yes that includes BTS themed jewelry of course 😏
My favorite shows to watch are crime dramas and anything sci fi. I’m a huge Star Wars fan (I still remember going to see A New Hope when it came out!)
I have 5 fur babies- 4 dogs and a cat. We also have a gecko.
I am a cancer survivor, coming up on 8 years now. I've also had brain surgery - crazy crazy!
So now that that’s out of the way….let’s talk BTS.
I’ve always heard the saying: you don’t find BTS, BTS finds you when you need them. This is true for me too (more on that later ).
I discovered BTS when I heard Butter for the first time back in 2021. I thought it was a catchy song and wanted to know more about the band behind the song. And so it began. I looked up BTS on the internet and the first member I came across? Jimin of course. My first thoughts were my god he is gorgeous. And his voice - are you kidding me! I’ve been around a long time and I have never heard a voice like that! So of course I needed to know more. Next came Jungkook. Uh….wow! That man is beautiful too! And his voice! I mean come on!!!! I had never heard of kpop before BTS so I had no idea about the world of kpop or any of its inner workings.
So into the world of BTS I dove. I went on line and started watching their music videos and started listening to more of their music and really really liking it. I slowly discovered the world of BTS online; Bangtan Bombs, In The Soop, Lives, Run Episodes, etc. Of course, watching all of these...I started to wonder, what's up with Jimin and Jungkook? Definitely caught a different vibe from them. So.....started watching jikook videos. Then, I discovered GCFT - and that sealed the deal for me. No looking back from that point. I remember the first time I watched it (yup, like yourself Ive watched it way more than once!!!) I was blown away and my reaction was "these 2 are in love with each other".
I absolutely love love love Jimin and Jungkook (as I’m sure you can tell from my blog!). I love them as individuals and I love them as a couple. They have something SO very special together and I just get so much joy out of seeing their relationship now and how it has grown over the years. They went from seriously crushing on each other in the early days of BTS to being in a long term fully committed monogomous relationship. I do believe that they are in this for life and have committed to each other for life. What that exactly looks like I'm not sure as they are still "In the Closet". My hope for them is that one day they will be able to show us their love for each freely and openly.
So getting back to BTS and how they found me when I needed them. I am officially mid life, in my 50's. I have always been a stay at home mom. My son is high functioning autistic. Throughout his schooling we really struggled with finding the right fit for him academically. When we moved to TN we eventually decided to home school him which became a huge priority of mine. Homeschooling was not easy. When he graduated high school it was such an accomplishment. I will admit that it also left me very emotionally drained. Being a mom in general is really hard (best job in the world!!!). We always put our children first before everything else; it's just what we do.
As my children have grown and continued to become more independent I actually started thinking about what I want to do for me. It's a foreign concept because as a mom I've never really thought that way. That was right about the time I discovered BTS (see where I'm going with this?). Their message of love yourself, take care of yourself, was something that really resonated with me. I know it might sound crazy but that "glow up" that some people have experienced through BTS happened to me too. I have found the time to "love myself" as BTS says. I am really putting myself first for the first time in my life. I am still here for my family 100% but I am also finding the time to take care of myself :) I am on that journey to find balance in my life and BTS has most definitely played a big role in that!
I absolutely love BTS as a band and as individuals. I have really enjoyed getting to know them and I look forward to sharing my love of BTS and jikook with all y'all for years to come :) I have met some wonderful people through Tumblr; some of whom I have become very close to and consider dear friends; and I feel so grateful and blessed to have these peeps in my life. I am really excited to see what the future holds for these 7 incredibly talented young men who came into our lives.
One thing for sure, The Best is Yet To Come.
Xoxo 😘
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sharks833 · 3 years
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Sad Face
Well, my relationship of over a year has come to a very sudden end. I am very saddened by this but to be honest it makes as much sense as the rest of the relationship. We meet here on Tumblr, we became partners for a writing/art event. I had been a reader for this event before and this year I wanted to be a writer. Iv passively been a part of the community around the event for a while now and wanted to try and become active in the community. I enjoy reading and have always wanted to try my hand at writing on the count that I have a very vivid imagination and would like to try and get some of my thoughts down. I thought doing so on Tumblr would be a good idea both because I could give back to a wonderful community and people would be more understanding of my dyslexia which I use editing software to try and correct but sometimes even they don’t understand what I’m trying to spell (which spell check never does). To be honest, I was also looking for a more intimate relationship, but never really expected anything to come from it. I was very fortunate to get a wonderful partner but was too shy to ask them if they were a girl until I accidentally called them him for my big post and quickly edited it (a point that I got a lot of much deserved teasing for once we started dating). We kept talking after the event though and slowly after talking to each other every day we became closer and closer until I asked them if they wanted to start dating. Originally they said no, to which I was surprised and disappointed but understood that they were wary of dating after past experiences which I was made aware of. I thought they deserved a wonderful boyfriend and always hated when people said that and yet were themselves unwilling to be that person, so I offered myself. It wasn't long after that however when they confessed their own love for me and would love to date with an understanding of the things they would be uncomfortable with given their past. I was happy to be able to just talk to them and was more than happy to make any concession that would make them happy. A year passes and it’s both one of the best and worst years of my life.
(This is the complaining paragraph and if anyone reads this feel free to skip)
I quit my awful part-time job and moved out of my apartment I share with a roommate to try and live with my aunt and cousin in DC to try and go to CU in DC or find a job that I don't hate. Unfortunately the week I get there covid hits DC and we have quarantine. After about two months it's very clear things aren't going to work out and I go back home. Sadly my mother passed suddenly a few years ago and my father didn’t waste time finding remarrying, selling our family home, and moving in with her across the state line. At this time my twin brother gets recalled from the peace corps and now we are both in this strange house with this woman that we barely know who retired the moment she married my father much to his dismay. Were both forced to very quickly get any job and I find myself in hell on a tugboat for two months. Living in that hell for two weeks at a time working six hours, sleeping six hours. Once off the boat I get two weeks off and get to try and hide in a room that’s not mine from the monster that is my fathers’ wife. All while studying for the GRE and joining my brother in an online class to learn all the math. After two months I quit that hell much to the horror of my father. I’m quickly forced, and I mean forced as much as one can without putting a weapon against my skin, to work five hours of labor at FedEx throwing boxes in the back of semi-trucks. After another month the monster has had enough and me and my twin are moved into an apartment we didn’t get to choose but still pay everything for. The apartment isn't so bad as I'm away from my father and his wife and me and my twin took the GRE and will now be attending grad school in August through housing and such still need to be acquired.
Through this time though I've had the wonderful experience of being in a loving relationship. Every day I talked to my love and she talked to me. We went on dates and skyped with each other and I honestly loved Them more than I have loved anyone before. I want to fill a page full of all the wonderful things that we did and how happy I truly was at the time but those moments were between us and I like to keep the details of my love life private. My very first relationship was a long-distance one and it was a wonderful six months before it quickly became one-sided. For the next two years that we were dating, I was miserable because I didn't understand that people with more experience in dating get bored of relationships. After that, I never wanted to be in a one-sided relationship again. Sadly that's exactly where I found myself the moment they came home from the end of the semester. I always knew they were close to their family, and didn't and don’t mind being second or third to family, but I wasn't even last on the list. We went from talking every moment of the day to, from waking up to falling asleep, to never at all. I for my part tried to text her and keep a lively conversation, but she was never interested. After a week I figured she needed some time for herself but it became clear after another week if I wasn't talking to her then I'd never hear from her again. I tried to talk to her about this, and every time she apologized and said she felt awful about not talking and she would in the next few days but she never did. I talked about my past relationship with her and how I didn't want to be in another one-sided relationship again, and just as I had made concessions for the sake of our relationship she would too. I didn't think a single hello sent to me in the span of a month would be a deal-breaker to our relationship but here we are.
We first met in September of 2019 and for almost two years I felt like, for the first time in my life, there was somebody that actually cared if I was around. Iv always had a problem with saying no to people and giving more the is proportionate and as a result, always felt used or taken advantage of. I struggle with knowing how much to contribute to any kind of relationship and it has hindered my ability to be in healthy relationships whatever form they take. For the first time in my life though I found someone who gave to me just as much as I gave to them. Unsurprisingly however they admitted to me that they suffer from that same problem and that they never focus on themselves. I don't have too many friends so I'm normally focusing on myself and it was nice to be there for someone else. However, they have a family and others to focus on and as a result, almost never get to focus on themselves. Now that they are home however they would like to focus on themselves and no longer want anything to do with me. I get that though I don’t know why you can’t focus on yourself and still send me a hello, I don't want them to talk to me because they feel pressured to. If they have decided they no longer want me in their life suddenly then all I can do is hope they are able to achieve their goal and move on. I will always love and respect them for the kindness they have shown me.
As a moral philosopher who has studied the nature of virtue, I truly believe this person to be so virtuous as to be one of the greatest people, I have ever met. An observation I came to make shortly after meeting them, and I am very grateful I had their compassion for even a short time. I thought if I could lead them down the path of some philosophical school they would be able to find the answer to the problems they had but I never knew how to do it and now it's too late. My only regret is that I couldn’t help them with the problems more. In the entirety of our relationship from the first meeting to the end we never even got into one argument. Technically we did have somewhat of a fight when she decided to tell me she could no longer be in a relationship with me and work on herself but she ended the relationship the moment she left her dorm, she just forgot to let me know. I am again deeply saddened by this but I always knew in the back of my mind she too would get bored of me and move on. It's been the thread through all my relationships dating back to that first one and I knew it would appear again, I just wish my head had told my heart. I know in every relationship you tell each other you want to spend the rest of your life with the other one but for some reason I really believed it this time, making this loss all the more crushing. I know they won’t read this as I suspect only two people ever will and that for the best, I doubt she is saddened by this whole affair but on the off chance she is I don't want them to feel bad. I have always wanted them to be happy from the start and even know that it's over. That's all I want, it's all I ever wanted truly. Plato says happiness is what happens when all three parts of the soul are doing their work well, each part representing a virtue. I’ve always been good at knowing what to do (desire) and I'm alright at knowing how to do it (reason), but I've always been horrible at doing it (courage). She led me to courage though, both for her and myself. And for those moments when the three came together through her and for her, I can truly say to have been happy. I don’t know if I ever inspired anything in her that led her to happiness but I hope she can find someone that does, and that I can come to know the courage she showed me I had myself.
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nonbinaryresource · 4 years
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ive been thinking abt this for a little while & have been needing to ask someone abt it. i am nb & have always considered myself trans but recently ive not been vibing with the trans label bc i am so sick of seeing ppl exclude & invalidate nb ppl. ik that i shouldnt stop doing smth just bc other ppl r being assholes but its so tiring to see ppl constantly say how u dont belong or arent valid. srry this is long & kinda rambly i just dont really know how to feel abt it
I will directly address your ask, but I’m going to start by telling you a story about my journey with identifying as asexual and queer.
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When I was about 11, my friends suddenly started drooling over magazines and calling people hot, and I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I did not feel whatever it is my friends were feeling.
Until I was about 16/17, this part of me remained a mystery to me and to my friends. I never had crushes, I never found people hot, I never liked complimenting people physically, I was uncomfortable with sex on TV, and I didn’t even like platonic touch. Now my group of friends were all repressed and closeted queer folk, so I didn’t have to deal with “being left behind” as my friends dated. But the later we got into high school, the more my friends began discovering and exploring their sexualities.  A freshman became a part of our friend group and was openly trans and gay. One friend came out as gay. Another as bi. They started commenting more and more about other’s looks and having crushes.
Still, there was nothing on my end. My friends used to think I was just being vague and secretive because this is what I tended to be like. I don’t think they’ve ever realized how much of it was that I truly didn’t know or understand what my lack of sexual feelings meant or that it could even mean anything. I used to just consider it a “nothingness” of myself. Until, by complete chance, I came across the term asexual. I immediately connected with it. It explained so much that I didn’t even know I needed explained.
I came out quickly after that and I was really excited and happy and proud to know who I was and what how I felt meant. My friends were great and supportive. My mom was a little ignorant but overall supportive. AVEN was great and a community for me. But if I tried to talk about it anywhere else online…
Well, the effects of how people treated me would fester for years. See, I came out as asexual before exclusionism (the specific movement of anti-aro and anti-ace erasure and gatekeeping from lgbt+ spaces) was a movement or a named thing. Yet exclusionist attitudes were exactly what I faced. My queer friends all completely accepted me as one of them and I helped co-run our school’s new GSA with the rest of them. But online, as a teen, I was facing 30+ year olds telling me I wasn’t queer and that I was just trying to seem special and that I needed to shut up about my asexuality and my experiences and that I wasn’t valid and that asexuality wasn’t a real thing and that even if asexuality was a real thing it wasn’t valid and it certainly didn’t matter.
I graduated high school and went to college and was no longer really in touch with my group of friends. I therefore completely cut myself off from any lgbt+/queer community, even though a friend invited me to join the college’s queer association. I stopped participating so much in online asexual spaces. I become wrapped up in other things.
A couple of years went by and a lot of things in my life changed. By chance, mod applications for a blog about aro and ace headcanons for a fandom I enjoyed came across my dash. I had extra time on my hands and thought I could help, so I applied and was accepted. This increased my exposure to the aspec community again and thrust me back in… just around the time exclusionism was becoming a specific and named movement of bigotry.
At the same time I resisted these ideals, I was also still hurt and unhealed from what I’d gone through as a teen. I internalized a lot of the hatred and gatekeeping. I was so hurt and so tired. I just wanted to be able to exist in peace. And people I considered myself one of were harassing me and dismissing even my biromanticism. So I struggled with my identity and my asexuality. I did not specifically become an exclusionist, but I turned my back on the lgbt+ community and spaces. I did not consider myself lgbt+ because I learned that doing so only brought pain and upset and made me feel alone and isolated. I didn’t speak a lot on exclusionism or inclusionism, but at some point I did make a plea to my fellow aspecs to just let the larger community go and be our own community and accept that maybe we could be straight. I did it out of desperation and hurt, wanting to stop feeling targeted and attacked and to stop seeing the fighting on my dash and in the tags. I just wanted us all to be happy and feel accepted and supported.
On that post, one wonderfully kind and patient person opened up a discussion with me, explaining their own hurts over exclusionism and being so damn exhausted of them and fellow aspecs being targeted and excluded and written out and not supported and feeling like they had to split their asexuality from their other queer identities and how being asexual was a part of them and how it had strongly shaped their experiences, especially with realizing and coming to terms with the other parts of their queer identity. And through their raw honesty I came to realize… I had never stopped to process the harassment I had faced and the pain and hurt that cut me so deeply.
It was a changing point for me. I realized that I had handled my pain in a bad way and had ended up lashing out at other aspecs instead of the people who were actually hurting me. I realized how much I had hurt myself and held myself back and cut myself down and dismissed parts of myself trying to fit into the box exclusionists had laid out for me, as if I could ever made them happy enough to stop harassing me and just let me exist. I cut myself down for them, but the truth is that exclusionists don’t just want aspecs “out” of the community. They want to hurt us. They want us to hurt. They want us to doubt ourselves. They want to feel strong and powerful, and they feel they can achieve this through bullying us. Perhaps some, like myself, are trying to appeal to their oppressors by pointing out another vulnerable group they could target more/instead. They are passing on hurt instead of standing up to it and so they are actually festering in hurt instead of changing anything.
Today, I am a staunch inclusionist. I understand myself and the issues aspecs face much better. I am a more compassionate person regarding the confusion and upset aros and aces have over their identity and their place in the world. I feel more stable and confident regarding my identity as an asexual - and now as an aromantic - queer person who is lgbt+.
But it was a long, hard, difficult journey to get here. It was full of a lot of turmoil. I wish I would have had a happier journey where I felt more supported and accepted, and I hope I can help provide more stability and support for future generations to not have to go through what I did.
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My point (or one among a few, anyway) is that I deeply and personally understand how you are feeling and the decision facing you now. As someone who went through a very similar experience, my advice to you is to take care of yourself and to prioritize your mental health.
It’s okay if you can’t handle identifying as trans right now. Maybe you do need some space from the label (and definitely from the hatred and gatekeeping). Maybe you need to pull back from certain communities or blogs or discussions.
However, I will say that not identifying as trans may not bring the peace you desire. It may end up making you feel even more isolated. Not identifying as LGBT+ certainly didn’t help me. It was reactionary and it only made me feel like there were less spaces for me. That said, you may find peace in this. But I think the bigger action to take is to separate yourself from those who are saying harmful things more than to separate yourself from a label you feel really suits you. Use your block button liberally. Don’t force yourself to partake in spaces where gatekeeping is allowed or encouraged. Follow and listen to more people who are inclusive.
I think burnout like this is unfortunately pretty common. You do not have to force yourself to face this hatred or exhaustion because you think it’s the right thing to do. It’s okay to pull back and just take care of yourself. Just work on some self-care. Work on building up a community of people around you who don’t resort to bigotry and hatred and exorsexism and gatekeeping and identity policing. Engage only with what you can actually, honestly handle.
We will confront and move past this bigotry only by acting as a united front. The responsibility for improving things isn’t on any one person’s shoulders. And no one needs to be on the front lines 100% of the time, especially at the cost of their own wellbeing. Take care of yourself and rest now before you completely burn out and break down.
You do not have anything to prove, okay? I have both hope and faith that there is a lot more to your journey - a lot more good things and a lot more happiness and belonging. Take whatever time it is you need to help heal yourself and recover from the hurt and harassment that’s been plaguing you. You are important and you matter, much moreso than whatever label you use at whatever point in time. It will be okay.
I am here for you.
~Pluto
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winking · 5 years
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pls ignore this ,,, its gonna be so long anyway not like anyone else is gonna read it 
So, I wanted to write a reflection of my year and I thought why not right now. I’m avoiding my homework and I’m feeling tons of emotions. If it isn’t clear I’m doing this cause I want to organize my thoughts...I know I shouldn’t share personal details like this online but its not like any of you really know me.. I mean you can know me and if you do know me I don’t mind you knowing this about me but If you don’t know me then anything about me doesn’t matter. This year started out good I would say. I can’t remember much about Jan... I met lei a close friend of mine.. and we got super close we talked everyday for 5 months? almost 6.. she was nice, sweet, she was so affectionate. although I hate admitting it she made me nervous sometimes because I did like her... and I knew she liked me back.. it was a crush for sure but it was nice to experience that? Needless to say I knew it would never work for various reasons and it sucked alot but I tried to be the bigger person and kinda end it? but before that I want to talk about those months... I always thought she was a bit immature, it was one of the things i hate in people but I understood why so I dont blame her... she was emotional but I think because of that I was also.. I remember the things she did would affect me alot? which was weird... but i guess its cause I liked her alot i dont know either way... before we stopped talking idk what happened but i completely lost all feelings and I was really mean about everything. I know I shouldn't have treated her like that but... it was irritating she kept dropping hints about liking me but thats so annoying when you dont feel the same.. i didnt want to be friends anymore it was alot...to this day i regret it a bit... especially since she was part of half a year with me? I got over it really fast... and not to talk about fate or whatever but I met my girlfriend like that same week i stopped talking to lei ... this is awkward considering everything ahhh... no longer my girlfriend... she was literally... like.. an angel or something that came into my life when i was transitioning she made everything so much better and i think for sure shes the reason why i decided to cut lei completely and whew.. well yeah. i really dont know what to say about her, i love her alot and im so thankful for the time i got to be with her. my relationship w lei and my ex were so different like ofc they were but.. i think and idk if she will read this but you can’t deny how.. quickly we moved into the whole thing. well it kinda is my fault i was the one who asked her out but it was different in the sense that we knew we liked each other so there was never really that like whats the word.. pining? is that is... looking at it now i wish i could have made it longer.....liking each other but not actually having a label i dont know why... even when i asked her to be my girlfriend i didnt feel nervous at all? i overall feel like i robbed myself from the butterflies... the dynamic was just different.. w lei it was like a middle school crush that would have exploded before it started.. w my ex.. it felt more realistic.. and calm?there was a sense of relief and not having to worry if she liked me or not because i knew she loved me and im thankful for that... maybe its regret.. i wish i could experience those moments longer...i thought about if we both dated each other just for convenience and how unfair that is .. but i remember i did like her...my feelings were always there... it was just hard when i doubted hers. she has her reasons and it is too late to care about things like this. thinking if this was a mutual break up... because realistically even i knew it needed to end. there was no romance., i know i spoke of her on here alot but never with her.. it was weird actually. but also if it were up to me i wish we were still together... so logical me versus my feelings yeah.. thats tough buddy. but its okay ive dealt with it ive accepted it... and i think because our relationship had slowly and naturally led to this weird what are we kind of thing it was easier? i dont want to say we have some connection in case she doesnt feel the same lol but i like her as a person and I want to talk to her still and be friends and maybe i feel this cause it was my first relationship but i dont know... theres no bad feelings between us... i just want her in my life... so thats what im feeling right now.. so yes i felt like shit the first day.. and then the second day was worse i woke up crying not because of the breakup because i felt like...she had taken half of me w her and i was left with nothing which sounds so silly... i had this weird realization she was such a big part of my life and she got me into so many of my interests that i was really nothing. but i am still me? and i know that now. im still going to school still going to do the same things i do everyday it will just be different and its not like shes dead and i think that really made me feel better omg.. she tweeted something and i was like right.. youre still here.. and it felt normal.. and thats what i want.. i want everything to be normal i just have to accept this as normal. anyway im fine now..im very grateful for my mental health.. nothing lately has been able to tear me down.. if something pushes me down i pop right back up and im glad i can deal with emotions and obstacles in my life...so i hope she also didnt take this the wrong way of like.. i got over it so quickly ... hmm no i definitely cried and went through all 7 stages of grief KJNFKJEW but thank u for texting me yesterday...? i was going to text u today anyway but u won me ...... all of this was meant to happen... so thank u to the people who came into my life and brought me happiness but also taught me something... i dont know what else to type i know theres the whole thing about who i am or whatever... i dont really like kpop anymore well i do but not to the extent of being on stan twt im just really confused with that.. i hope i can meet some new people at school i just need to be more outgoing.. anyway if you read this i love u now u know my whole life haha
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feel199x · 6 years
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⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚apple of my eye ˚୨୧⋆。˚ ⋆ Chapter V
gang!au, gang member!han jisung, underground band!au, florist!reader  
I  II  III  IV V VI VII VIII IX X
a/n: this chapter is written a little differently, most of the action will be happening in the upcoming chapters. okay stays im the writer and I Am: Anxious  
masterlist
warnings: alludes to drugs (selling), blood bruise mention, gun mention, and themes of stalking and abuse
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 Minho had always been the head between the two of them. Jisung had always been much too emotional. It wasn’t that he wasn’t smart- Jisung had a showcase of talents, a variety of things that he was incredibly good at. It never used to be a big deal, not before they had started the ‘band.’ The nine of them had always been best friends, growing up the same block in a not so great area of the city? They knew, even as children, that they needed each other. Their chances as a group were far better than their chances as individuals. When they were younger, Jisung always got crushes easily. And it wasn’t the kind of thing was he would get one and then leave when someone else caught his eye. No, he fell in love with the strangest things. At least, what Minho considered strange. Jisung had gotten crushes on the little things that people did. Minho remembered that once, he had ended up confessing to someone in high school because of how they laughed. Because Jisung adored making them laugh. Within this same field, he had always been the more empathetic of the group. One day, while the rest of the boys played tag around the playground, Jisung came crying over. A bird’s mother had dropped the baby bird, and in its weak attempt to fly- it died. And Jisung was crying, sobbing over the fact that there was nothing he could do to save the bird. No one but Chan knew how to comfort Jisung properly, and even then it would take a while.
It had always been endearing, a charismatic character trait until their band. It started sophomore year of high school. Really, it turned out they were all inclined to the arts when they had taken a music and dance class in middle school. But that wasn’t the sort of thing you could be proud of, not around here. Eventually, the school pulled the funding for the class anyway. But their passion hadn’t died, and instead of meeting up to play rough or cause trouble in some public places, they san, dance, rapped. It felt transformative, and when they got their first gig- an underground club agreed to let them perform their music, they were over the moon. It was all the group of boys could talk about, becoming the conversation topic sooner or later.  
Minho had known that the club would’ve been sketchy- every underground club around here only had one to be underground. And even if the rest of the boys pretended not to be aware, he was. Their performance was lively in the beginning, everyone pouring their soul into the performance but even when they realized that there was not-so-discreet deals, the passing of handshakes, angel dust crumbs still lingering on people’s nose. Maybe it was because they had nothing to compare it to at the time, but the crowd was nothing they’ve ever seen before. They were dancing, shouting, screaming the lyrics. Maybe it was wrong, they all knew there was something immoral about this- but they had never felt so accomplished. Misguided as they were, they all had an idea about what they were getting themselves into.
Jisung had mixed feelings, after the performance he was crying again. Both out of happiness, the thrill of singing, rapping, dancing- performing with an audience. But he felt as if he had wronged them somehow. As if he was the one selling them the packets, and soon, too soon, he would be. Jisung was the only one on the fence about doing so, even after the entirety of the group had decided: it was wrong, but necessary. There were worse they could do. Even the youngest had come to that conclusion in a matter of a few weeks. It wasn’t that they tried going it by the traditional way, uploading it online- seeking companies. But if they didn’t reject them altogether, producers would want to cut members of the group out. And it was nine or none. Chan, who was usually composed, would cry after they had gotten rejected- or if someone had said that a group member ‘just didn’t have it.’ It felt as though it was a failure on his part.
Until one day they just had enough.
Jisung had come around eventually. And quickly, very quickly, they had risen in popularity. They were a regular at NOT!, an underground club that had become exclusive when they didn’t have enough room to house all their fans. Stray kids, their self given name, were still giving their all within each and every performance. But behind the scenes, there they were moving and selling packages like there was no way they could be caught. But, this life was missing its flaws. One night, an incident occurred- it had to happen sometime. They were just lucky that no one had died. Shots were fired in NOT!, and although no one had died, it was enough to rupture chaos within the mix of sober and high people.
Jisung had cried that night.
It was only later that they learned that members of N/S had found their way into the club. The boys weren’t stupid, they knew it was risky to sell in their vicinity- but what they weren’t aware of, was how risky. As their popularity with the locals and city folk arose, so did the competition against N/S. And N/S didn’t appreciate it, not one bit. That night, everyone had looked over to Chan and Woojin, hoping they would have some type of answer.
But they didn’t.
The club owner made a suggestion to them, an offer. That night, each boy, regardless of license- left with a gun. They had reached the point of irreversible change. They were in it for the long run now, and there was no backing out. Tensions grew and grew between the two gangs, even though Woojin and Chan refuse to call it that. To them, Stray Kids was a band, and it was just a band. But they had collected fans, ones that could relate to their cause and because of that, they considered the tension between Stray Kids and N/S their fight to win, too. But they refused to stop making music, stop trying to be successful within their own realm. The boys began to leave behind the dealings, reduced the number of packages they moved. But the tension in the city was growing until it smothered everyone. But N/S didn’t care, and one day the unpredictable happened. A black car drove by and ended up hitting Jisung in the side of his thigh. Everyone was livid then, even after Jisung had fully recovered. Now, it was decided, that it was shoot on sight.
 Jisung didn’t cry that night.
 So, when Jisung talked about ____ so dreamily, the group had some major concerns.
“I understand, I know you really like them,” Chan was staring at his laptop, composing a new song as Woojin played some notes for him on the piano, “But it’s risky, you should wait until things die down.” Woojin played a melody and nodded his head. “I agree, this isn’t something you should be considering right now,” Woojin added, “We can still meet them ___, but you’ll have to distance yourself after that.” As if the last part hadn’t quite registered, Jisung immediately became hyper-active again, scrambling notes for lyrics in a notebook, all about ___.
It wasn’t that Minho didn’t like ___, they were a good person. They were kind and mellowed Jisung out. It was good to see a little more emotional ever since the drive-by. But Minho always thought when Jisung didn’t.
“You shouldn’t get ___ involved,” Minho sat Jisung down, “It’s already dangerous for you. You’re always talking about how anxious and careful they are, how much they care about you. You can’t involve them.”
“But I’m not,” Jisung said curtly, “I’m going to be careful.”
“You can’t promise anything, not when you know what we do.”
Minho felt like he was the only one willing to face reality, aware of both the damage and good they were doing. The good and evil they were capable of. He was the only one of the few who had come to terms with his mortality, the others opting to live in a dreamscape.
But nightmares would soon trespass.
The night of the flower shop incident, things had gone to shit real fast. The number of gunshots had increased exponentially, the feds cracking down on everybody. But somehow, never being able to find enough, the truth hidden somewhere in angel dust. The boys had chosen to go off the grid and warned Jisung if he didn’t, then ___ wouldn’t just be missing Jisung, they would be mourning over him. So he chose the lesser of two evils, disappearing in the dead of night.
Minho wasn’t usually one to act outside of the group’s decision, believing that for everyone to be able to get along- cooperation is key. But he thought it was strange, each member experiencing some sort of life-threatening event once leaving the karaoke bar? And ___’s shop getting the worst of it? So, before the boys woke up, Minho made his way to the flower shop.
He hadn’t expected to see you though, and he most definitely didn’t expect to have you caught in the crossfires. And once Minho had told the group what happened, there was no stopping Jisung from returning to the shop.
Very few times had Minho seen Jisung angry, and never, never had he seen Jisung as enraged as he was that night. Jisung was nearly fuming, Minho could imagine steam coming off of him. And as Jisung found the ex, sleeping in your bed, after obviously going through your stuff- being an awful, disgusting creep. Jisung had nearly killed him and would have if the guy wasn’t a good fighter. Jisung dragged him out of your room, and he toppled down the stairs like a bag of bricks. He had finally decided to run off, and Jisung was too angry to be relieved that the guy didn’t have a gun, or any weapon to fight back. This feeling in Jisung was primal, but the adrenaline had to come down sometime, and then, and only then did Jisung feel the pain of each cut and bruise that he had gotten, but not earned.
But he wanted to see you, he wanted to see you more than anyone he had ever wanted to see before. It was all he could think about as he toppled down in the guest room, hearing your cries. Even after he left that morning, he traced his fingers on his lips still thinking about you. He decided that he’d rather be beaten up several more times than ever have to see you in that state again. It became his mission, his life’s goal to take down N/S. It wasn’t easy, and after hearing that you were going to return to your beloved shop. He knew it was in vain, but he had to attempt to stop you- he couldn’t live with himself if he hadn’t at least tried, but that was before this. He would’ve never thought about this, not even in his nightmares could this have been happening.
You were in his arm, caught in a chokehold. Tears streaming down your face, gasping for air. The gun digging into the side of your head as Jisung pulled out his gun, pointing it at him.
“Go ahead,” he was laughing, face bright and happy, “But I’m not leaving without ___. To love and to hold, in sickness and in health. Up in heaven, or down on this hellish earth.”
Jisung didn’t know what to do, tears in his eyes as he shook, arms and beloved biceps trembling. He brought it down, face contorted with anger. And he watched, angry tears pouring out of his eyes as he watched you be taken away
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shaddy-bee · 7 years
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I KNOW ITS BEEN LIKE 300 YEARS BUT-
5 things you’ll find in my bag
Right now theres uhh Notebooks, both school and 1 art. Drink mix ins, with such great flavors as sour apple jolly rancher and crush pineapple (tm) Two packs of cards, one of which steam punk themed and the other your regular ol bicycle. A calculator. Its a shitty old one but its for tests, i have google and shit for anything i need myself.
5 things you’ll find in my bedroom
A roommate. Idk if he is gay or what but he isnt straight, name’s will. Chill dude. Sleepin rn, what a fella MY SICK ASS COMPUTER IM MISSING OUT ON BECAUSE MY ROOMMATE IS ASLEEP AAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WANNA PLAY ROCKET LEAGUE WITHOUT LAGGING TO HELL also programming my mods. Need to upload that shit. Shit what number we on, 3? Okay cool. A bed. Wow really a bed in your bedrooM? yeah its pretty fuckin spectacular i know. I dont have posters n shit so like i gotta be creative you feel. A microfridge. Now i know what youre thinking, “ah a small fridge whats the big deal?” but no you dont understand, its a microwave fucking bolted onto the top of a fridge. They gave zero fucks attaching these two together and apparently the name is the same way, WHY NOT A FRIDGEWAVE EVEN LIKE MICROFRIDGE JUST SOUNDS LIKE A SMALL FRI- Last but not least, im tempted to just say my wallet here tbh, cuz its old but like, youd EXPECT that now would you? Something boring and mundane for me to fill out the word count with making everything super exciting so nah man, fuck it. Theres air in my bedroom. Fight me.
5 things I’ve always wanted to do in my life
Make a videogame. Like okay, a lot of stuff on this list is jokes and stuff, and I know im going into too much detail and my followers will probably murder me in cold blood for this shit, but im serious about this one like - i have some ideas, but i never have the motivation alone to like work whole-heartedly and finish one but like, at some point in the future id love to sit down and just go at it and make a game. Doesnt matter if its popular or big or small just i wanna make something that i love ya feel? I wanna like, go to newark, delaware. I know, its delaware and all, no one lives there, but ive met a bunch of cool people there and i was promised a donut run sometime, so lookin forward to that. Yknow that post awhile back that was like “i dont wanna be rich and like buy shit, i just wanna have enough money to throw at kickstarters whenever i want without having to strain on my food and rent costs” thats me. 100% Like i wanna have just enough money to be able to donate to cool people and watch them do cool shit - it wont always work out but thats fine, I just love shit. I wanna be able to donate like the high prize and fly out to meet these game studios for coffee and shit and just talk with em and see their passion and ideas. I love it. Im not actually really sure besides those. Like idk. I think itd be cool to enter a game tournament with my brother and win, but i doubt thatll happen and its not super like on my desires just itd be cool cuz we named ourselves Sora and Shiro after NGNL and to see that like, have us win would be great. Yeah. Ill make my fifth to think of a fifth one.
5 things on my to do list
FLOPPY DICKS i mean disks. Floppy disks. I do binding of isaac ab+ modding shit, and im currently working (its mostly done for what i want it to do) which adds a new consumable called floppy disks, effects are based on viruses, bugs, and just computer based shit. Like BSOD for instance, which makes the screen literately bluescreen. Or atleast look like it. Cant wait to watch people play with it. I gotta work on the programming class project too but honestly i dont waannnaaa. Like its cool as shit. Recreate a card game using c++ code. But man, i just love Apocrypha and Floppies so much more. Eat today???? Please. Dining hall opens in 3 hours. Its goddamn 4 am. I want my food. Dunno if ill get it - if ill stay awake till then. But i want it. Probably draw some stuff? Like i posted one drawing already (check it out if u wanna ;) kay?) but like theres wacom tablets here i can just kinda use whenever???? its great. I love being able to just draw stuff on em. Even if i suck at drawing, even if it took 10 hours to make the one i posted here, still love. Probably play more rocket league. Sleep first, soon as i get that food im CRASHIN BOI IM OUTTIE HA but uhh, rocket league has a halloween thing rn and i like playing it. Was playing earlier today and i matchd with a dude in 2v2 that had the same car, skin, AND colors set up as mine. Totaly random. We kicked some major ass together. I kept thinking of the same hat comic the entire time. (also my card was superior because it had furry ears on it ;))
5 things that make me happy
Getting an idea for a thing and working at said thing until like boom it went from this abstract idea to now it has a physical form and it works! And its fun and its great and i can share it with other people and they can have fun too!!!! that feeling is wonderful.  Obviously friends man. Just doing shit with people can be so great sometimes - like not all the time sure but like man. Its nice to talk to people and share experiences and just smile and tell bad jokes and have them groan but like it anyway like thats the shit. Going out at 2 am and walking to a nearby run down schoolyard and swinging on the swingsets and watching shooting stars burn up. Thats the good shit. Getting tents and setting em up in your friends back yard when your friend from far away comes up for a few days, and playing ridiculous games in a group like kick the can or fuckin zombie screaming your lungs out in the dark to freak em out, or just talkin around a fire about fuckin life man. The people make life great. Shits worth living for. I realize that last answer covered a LOT of shit but like, im just gonna add here videogames. Would be amiss if i didnt mention that, considering the rocket league rant above lmao. Yeah i better not make this category any longer.
5 things I’m (currently) into
Isaac modding, probably will be for awhile. Its good shit. As a suggestion from one of the people I work with (we also fuck around its a good time) i have started watching space dandy. Its a slow progress through lol like an episode or two a day but god man like its pretty ridiculous and the main character is pretty much everything i was expecting from seeing him everywhere. Rocket league again. It comes and goes with various different games to tide me over, give me a break from working. Bout 2 months ago or so said relaxing time was dominated by anime - i suddenly went on like a massive streak of watching shit. By that i mean, i watched all of hunter x hunter in like 2 weeks, among other shows prior to it. But yeah. Fuck man HXH I LOVED THE KING WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I have too many emotions about that. I wrote a rant to the Groupchat (tm) about the fucking battle and how everything is in slow motion but it fucking like makes it like foreshadowed and have so much of an impact and still so much fucking happens even while everything runs at super slow mo just GOD KLASFJBHUGHASFIUHIPJASK anyway. Yeah. Music, as always im listening to like constantly. Wireless headphones are a wonder for this, but uhh....i cant say im especially into any specific thing rn right? Like a bit ago i was super into joywave and then that faded out and now im just listening to whatever random shit, yknow? But I am into music in general. Its good. Art! A lot of times i dont do shit like for drawing right, like especially not in like pencil in notebooks but like, i sorta started doing a lot more art stuff? Like i had a period awhile back last year where i stopped using pencils and used only pens and i just loved the aesthetic of the ink like how it looked (funny how im doing the opposite of the fucking inktober though, huh?) but yeah im back into using pencils to draw shit occasionally. Im still terrible at drawing people (which is what i see mostly everyone drawing on tumblr lmao RIP) but its fun to sketch stuff out and just let my thoughts run and bounce to some music and shit right? Also the tablets. Especially with the tablets.
5 things people may not know about me (at least on tumblr)
I basically constantly wear sweatshirts, and they all have like earbuds where the strings go. All the earbud shits are broken pretty much, like occasionally they work (the one i have rn does) but like, i dont ever really use them? i have wireless headphones for my phone and a headset (because i need the mic for my computer) for said computer so like, idk. But yeah. I rarely take em off when im not home, and sometimes even when i am i just kinda keep em anyway? (also just now i realized i talked in the section for room shit about all the stuff in my current dorm, my room at home has all KINDS of wierd fucking shit in it. Really missed an opportunity there.) Like many people i like to stay hydrated and shit, but drinking water all the time seemed like a chore more than anything so i got like drink mix ins and shit, mio’s or whatever offbrand version you can find at your local SUPERSTORE CONGLOMERATE. I drink em like all the time pretty much so atleast im health in one way :P. Also gummy vitamins. I dont excercise but you can only ask for so much. Idk, its hard to think of things for this section because tumblr knows so little about me yknow? Like i never make my own posts or shit like its SUPER rare so im pretty much just tryna find random facts but that might not be interesting? Like i have a bad habbit of like talking way too loud when im excited about something right? Not quite yelling but like getting there and like idk. See? Thats not super interesting but it is something no one online would be able to really know ya feel? Idk. I mean physically im kinda fat as you do, but im also like wierdly strong? Like for someone who never works out i sure do have arm strength if nothing else lmao. My endurance is shit tho. Honestly? I can only blame it on osu and groceries. Osu is just a game i like where you mash buttons to the beat of weaboo shit tier music. The groceries is just because like, well, my policy is Least Trips Possible which means carrying in 13 bags at a time if need be it, fuck it milk too? And a watermellon? Bring it. 
Who am I tagging? Idk man. Just for shits and stuff tho i do wanna tag @theoriginalyami just to see what all’s changed in teh long time since i actually went to fill it out :P Dont feel like you have to add as much as me tho omg @milkchocolateowl because honestly? love you. Think about you a lot, just like glad im mutuals with that ray of sunshine. Good. @fantaledfish <3 (this is the friend i mentioned earlier, runs a QUALITY blog i guarantee it, better than mine for sure) @dragonfucker-supreme always top in my notes, a silent bond, like two guards assigned to watch back to back in the early dawn. Birds gather round. I can only tag so many people (i set myself a limit of 5 because...idk why i just mentally it felt right) so for my last trick gotta go with @ask-oncies-jizz like cmon man name changes for the win, also has quality icons and quality shitposts tbh, supreme top meme. Have fun yall.
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Tip cheap car insurance quotes in new york
Tip cheap car insurance quotes in new york
Tip cheap car insurance quotes in new york
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