#Having them online or such is more just yearning and generally for me good bc i dont have to work so hard to be chill

[mrfoox]

Having an crush on someone you meet weekly 1on1 sucks, I don't know how people live like this

[sxorpiomooon]

Astrology observations

paid readings 💐

- your sun sign might be where people look up to you for example people with a Libra sun might have people asking them for relationship or connection advices or might look upto them in that aspect

- your 12th sign can also show what kind of birth your mother might have had while having you for example with scorpio it might have been very traumatic and possibly alot of things might have changed with your birth

- i always say this but if you want to know the environment of someone's home look at their 4th house but to know how THEY are treated in that environment you have to look at their sun and moon even saturn at times that will tell you more accurately about their relations. Bc I've seen in alot of charts and home's that the environment is generally pleasant but not for that person

- if there's an artist that you feel most connected to or with their music it's possible that you are share your big three placements with them lmao I've checked so many charts with my friends and all the artist he liked had placements in common with him

- people with a prominent venus might always have people taking advantage of them look at where exactly the venus is placed to see in which aspect someone with 1h venus might feel used bc of their looks it always reminds me of the lyric "but you don't feel pretty, you just feel used"

- people with jupiter in their 12h are straight up delusional and overconfident but guess what this also ends up making up excellent at manifestation lmao

- people with saturn in 5h might either get into relationships too late and if the ruler is in 11h or something they will be in frequent online relationships

- if you have a stellium in 5h and your partner has a good 5h house too you will see them being the artist and you being their muse(my boyf and I have this lmao)

- while determining your career make sure to check your 2h as well as it deals with finances for example I have my 2h ruler in 8h and I sure do earn from my paid astrology/tarot readings on tumblr (check them out btw)

- you can think of your 4th and 10th house as cause and effect like nature vs nurture or what happened and what you got out of it. for example you have taurus in your 4th house and scorpio in your 10th house this can show you coming from a extremely traditional and fixed value families which has made you yearn for change and it will directly manifest in your career

- tw// sa

I've seen alot of people with mars in their 8h being sexually assaulted by people in public? Especially men by men

- tw// death?

Mars in the 8h people tend to have this feeling that they're going to die an extreme violent death, I've never quite seen other people know this?

- if you know someone with moon conjunct saturn in their 12h, you need to know that all you can do is TRY to help them you cannot save them no matter how hard you try. Alot of things mostly everything honestly is hidden from them by their own subconscious you can tell it to them 1000 times and they still will be on the level one

thankyou so much<3

[maxanor]

Watched up until ep 9 so here are more of my abbreviated thoughts, don't want to make this ask too long but many thoughts head never empty about this show and my babygirls.

Ep 5: god what an episode, the official and final break up of my best girls. The scene where Alicent walks into the banquet in that green dress: lifechanging, actual chills, that scene is sooo good and other people don't seem to care about it as much as I do from what I saw online but like that scene is insane, I want to live inside of it; the meaning of the colours, the declaration of war, THE MUSIC (!!)

Ep 6: the shift to the older actors oooh we're here, they're both so excellent and just the tension in this episode, like that's sexual the small council scene uuhm Alicent babes look away and Rhaenyra stop touching that ball there is a touch starved lesbian across from you have some decorum (also Alicent was at her most bitchy (affectionate) this episode and I kind of lived for it)

Ep 7: THE episode. Now why did I have to see that Dae/myra sex scene?? Controversial opinion: the knife scene was more sexual than the Dae/myra sex scene, something something stabbing as a metaphor for gay sex, stabbing your homoerotic situationship after breaking up 10 years ago something something. WHERE IS DUTY WHERE IS SACRIFICE - Olivia that entire scene, yeah I was captivated (also Otto being proud, oh the toxic generational abuse continues yes tragedy)

Ep 8: Viserys losing an eye after not giving a shit Aemond lost an eye and not doing anything, oh I call that poetic justice. Rhaenicent making soft eyes at each other oh the gays are at it again, who let them out? The children continuing their fighting because of the damage their mothers already did, oh the generational conflict continues, cannot bury the hatchet when you have sown hate for years

Ep 9: no one seems to agree online from what I saw, but honestly maybe one of my favourite episodes of the season, maybe that is because I adore Alicent and this episode was all about her in my opinion. The scene between Rhaenys and Alicent, loved that, they could not have played that scene any gayer but maybe that's just me. Otto calling Alicent out about her feelings surrounding Rhaenyra, like at this point the closet is glass sweetie. "Childhood companion", the subtext is there if they ever make it maintext I will sob.

Question: I know the actors have discussed the queer subtext but have any of the writers or directors ever hinted at it as well? It can't be all coincidental right?

Anyways this got way way too long, my bad🩵 going to watch ep 10 soon, wish me luck🫡

making popcorn to answer this ask mwahahaha 🍿

ep5 – god this episode is heartbreaking, emily carey's acting is just incredible i love her so much!! this was actually the first episode i watched live and i know people were freaking out about it, but it does seem to get overlooked in light of everything that comes next

ep6 – EMMA AND OLIVIA 🫶 both their introductions are incredible and i'm forever thankful they were cast <3 the small council scene is insane 😵‍💫

ep7 – soooo true this is THEEE episode!!! although ofc every time i think of this episode i redact the dae/myra sex scene bc poor rhaenyra has been thru so much she doesnt need that as well!! also your opinion is not controversial, rhaenicent absolutely have more chemistry, both emma and olivia's performances in that scene are insane god i love them (bonus: the script from the scene)

ep8 – i loveeeee this episode sooo much, their children are so poisoned against each other but alicent and rhaenyra cannot help but want to mend their relationship like they yearn for each other so deeply they'll never be free!!!! also aemond is my best friend in this episode i love him <3

ep9 – i love this episode too!!! i don't necessarily subscribe to any "team" but the targtowers are just much more interesting than all of the team black characters (excluding rhaenyra) and i love seeing the inner-workings of the green council. also aegon's coronation scene is so incredible oh tgc the actor you are!!! and "you imbecile" being unscripted like oh that shit is insane 😵‍💫

to answer your question about the writers/directors supporting rhaenicent, yes they do! i'll put some quotes under the cut <3

"they are good friends with this potential romantic entanglement from earlier on that has always been a big thing for that, that i thought it was an essential component  of why they are such close friends. it seems like it’s a kind of unrequited love…rhaenyra has this deep longing for her best friend" – miguel sapochnik (co-showrunner involved in s1, he's not going to be involved in s2 due to some internal drama lmao)

"the underlying theme is that rhaenyra is actually in love with alicent. with milly as young rhaenyra, it was very much about seeing how she experiences this constant series of small rejections from alicent" – miguel sapochnik

"alicent is feeling very alone. so when rhaenyra enters, that’s what she wants. she wants the love in her life, and it’s a bit of a love story in a way, of these two women" – geeta patel (directed 1x08)

"[rhaenyra and alicent] are in my mind a divorced couple. they were in love as friends, and now they are apart" – geeta patel

"these two young women who were friends as girls, who grew up deeply loving each other...and then how they were forced into this situation by the pressures put on them by the aristocracy and by the patriarchy, by these ancient political constructs around them" – ryan condal (main showrunner)

"there is an element of queerness to it, whether you see it that way or as just the unbelievably passionate friendships that women have with each other at that age. i think understanding that element of it sort of informs the entire rest of their relationship...at the core of it, they knew each other as children, and they loved each other and that doesn't go away" – sara hess (executive producer/writer/lesbian)

"despite everything that happened, there is a deep connection and ultimately you can’t erase the fact that you loved and cared for someone. it can get twisted, but it cannot be deleted" – clare kilner (directed 1x04, 1x05, and 1x09)

"i saw the love and romance of these two girls, which makes it all the more tragic when they become estranged" – greg yaitanes (director of 1x02)

honestly there are more and this isnt even getting into everything emma, olivia, emily, and milly have said but 🤗 rhaenicent is canon change my mind!!!!

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

2 + 3 + 12 + 33!!!!

had to fish around to find that ask game again!!!!! also hiiiii better late than never :))) :}}}}} <3 i need to tell u smth abt kleo i have Thoughts (not big thoughts this sounds as if its big it isnt i just reconsidered my initial statement that u might not like iiiiit)

2. anything that you'd like to write but feel that youre unable to??

oh yes!!! so much!!!!! even the things im writing bring me constantly into a situation of hair-tearing-out crying-clawing-screaming hitting-head-against-the-wall. i flip-flop between thinking i cant even write what im writing and thinking that im kinda decent. hhhhh. anyway!!!!!

i want to write a solid longfic with extensive worldbuilding. it doesnt matter the genre, just solid and rich worldbuilding where the writing stays consistent and steady until the end is already good. but if i could specifiy, i yearn for it to be a canon compliant/canon divergence/canon era fic with a unique take on canon. i want to write canon era fics in general, but im always hesitant to. i know what happens when i fall into a research hole, it fires up my anxiety. and i want to write scifi or a cool space opera. and i want to be able to write novel fic (of tyk) and not want to die during the process. all these things feel impossible to me :]]]]]]]]

3. how would u describe ur writing style?

i had to think about this for a bit!!!! because my writing style is unfortunately directly connected to my mental stability which is not always. stable. huehe. hmmmm i think my style (given that im doing good!) leans very hard into economical but evocative storytelling; like, i mean the rhythm of oral storytelling. stream of consciousness. prose poetry. poetry slam. i want the words to explode in your mouth and i want it to paint a very clear image in your head. i want people to hear me telling the story! even if the reader (or listener!) cant be there to experience it for themselves, at least i can tell them about it! thats probably because my first experience with story as a concept comes from audio dramas and generally someone reading something to me. thats honestly still the medium i prefer, tbh.

12. if you write in more than one language, whats the difference?

TvvvvvvT

currently i dont write in more than one language, if u dont count non-fictional handwriting bc i write all my notes in my native language. but i still remember how it used to be to write creatively in german. like im always whining about how difficult it is to cast the same image in english as in german; i just dont have that fine motor control over english as i have over german. i can easily switch between gears in german but english still ,, befuddles me pfft. its most noticable when im mucking around drafting and spend more time thinking about fun stuff like correct grammar and correct sentence structure and which word means what in english, than about the story and the characters. it takes so much energy and effort to think about and of all of this, there is barely any space left for the story that im trying to tell. which is def a major drawback for me and one of the reasons that ive been considering to start writing in german again. even though i have uh some baggage there that i dont really want to face. language is so connected to identity and culture. and thats another reason why english is difficult; i know english, aside from school, mostly from usamerican books or from online interactions with usamericans or people talking usamerican. so that has ofc heavily influenced my own english. like, i set all my stories in germany for reasons, but its stupidly hard to draw up the cultural markers because the language itself that im using is already coming with cultural influences from another country. its really strange and confusing, and i would find it fascinating and interesting if it wasnt so frustrating. sometimes it feels like there is a veil between me and what im trying to say, and also as if my thought patterns dont work as they would because the language that should just be a tool to tell a story is already so dominant. thats def smth i hope to change in the future

33. give your writing a compliment!

hmmm. its very earnest. reading my own stuff, even old stuff, i can tell what sort of struggles made it hard to get smth specific onto the page. and sometimes what ends up on the page is not what was supposed to be there in the first place. but its earnest and i can see that. its always the best i can do in that moment, and its always a piece of me because i give so much of myself during the process. thats not always a good thing but its how i am. im glad the earnestness, the sincerity, the love, the faith, the hope, is so visible to the bare eye.

yet another writing ask

[raw-law]

rahhhhhhhgghhgg ive been less active since the servers creation bc now i just talk to you directly more often. but, i still like to send asks because its fun. its like mail, i send a little message, you guyz read it. then i get a notification with a reply like a day or so later and its so thrilling to me. i love mail so much. i love buying thingz online and then getting a little treat in the mail. it makes me lowkey ecstatic! i actually just bought an mcr shirt because they released merch for the 20th anniversary of their sophomore album, Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge. i'll forget i ordered it and then in a few weeks, a little treat for moi!!!! j'adore les petits cadeaux pour moi!!!!

what is your opinion on the shift from sending letters to just calling or texting people instead? do you think instant forms of communication are a betterment for society or do they ruin the fun?

-🦌

Light:

Good to see you again, Deer Anon!

And I'm glad you like sending asks; I like reading them as well, even though sometimes I mightn't have time to answer. It's good you got a little treat for yourself, you deserve it.

Anyways, to answer your question.

I think instant forms of communication is wonderful. Without it, after all, we wouldn't have the chance to be running this blog, and I wouldn't be able to meet Ryuzaki. It's also convenient when people want to get in touch with us, and without it, we wouldn't be so developed and safe.

However, it is rather regretful that not a lot of people write letters any longer because of this. Letters are a sincere, heartfelt form of communication, and in my opinion, so much more worth treasuring than messages on a phone screen. Through a handwritten, decorated letter, you can find out so much more about the letter's writer, and I find that a very beautiful thing. I still write letters to my ex-teachers, though not as often as I used to when I was a kid and not yet with a phone. And that's a little sad.

Honestly, both have their pros and cons. But my view is that, at the same time when texting friends and calling family, we could write a simple letter to them, asking about their day, and maybe draw little doodles on it. I'm sure that'll make their day, and maybe also the days after that. :]

Thanks for the question, Deer Anon. I loved answering this one.

L:

ahh... i had a feeling that might happen with the addition of a discord server.. eh, what can you do. the server's fun anyways.

but i am glad you enjoy the asks so much. i'm also glad there's people who still have an appreciation for mail in general. i too quite enjoy the simple act of getting a box i've forgotten about and tearing it open, though it is a little ironic considering i'm not really fond of physical gifts, unless they're practical or edible. i just like the unboxing bit. i hope you have fun opening up that mcr shirt of yours. it certainly sounds special. rock on, you hopelessly reactive romantic.

as for my opinion on instant communication... it's all rather conflicting..

i appreciate the advancement of technology. it's played a large part in improving our daily lives, and like light has said, it's given me the opportunity to meet him, along with other people close to me and the askers on this blog.

... but it all feels a bit much to me, at times.

people having the capability to simply.. question me whenever they please feels too weirdly personal.. i know it's irrational, but i just don't like it. i don't like that pressure. nor do i like the way the formatting of words has changed because of it. it's just not something for me. i'm only really alright with it when it comes to people i consider special, but even then i feel like i'd enjoy it more if we communicated through things like letters or even emails. have you seen Simon VS. The Homo Sapiens Agenda? it's a favorite of mine. sometimes i catch myself yearning to be somebody's blue. it really is irrational..

thank you for the ask, it was a pleasure to ponder. always fun to see the tidbits you share. :)

[therhythmafterthesummer]

You have no idea how fast I dropped everything when I got the notification that you posted 🥹 I'm so obsessed with these series please 😭 (I've just always ADORED the trope of found family - maybe this is also one of the reasons why I love kpop groups lmao, anyway)

THIS WAS SO WKNCOSIDJFJF 🥵 OMG PLEASE. First of all, how do you come up with this. I really really love all the kinds of relationships and types of sex you've explored so far in this, it feels different everytime, especially depending on the couple, and I don't really know how to explain but the dynamics of them reflect so well when they get intimate??? It's just so lovely to read.

Now, Chris in that last one. Wow. It was so so interesting to read his perspective. We all know that he's just so selfless and kind, of course he'd be like that regarding love too. Poor boy deserves all the love he can get. You could really feel how whipped he was from the beginning and how his yearning kept growing more and more 🥹

And oh boy, reading the scene when his rut hits from his perspective. The way he struggled to control his urges, it was so intense. BUT BOY HIS REACTION WHEN HE REALIZES THAT SHE WANTS HIM TOO.

And lastly, the thighs. I really really love all the attention they get in this. Very well deserved in my opinion. And please the way he shyly asked to fuck them lmao eyfkfjsi 🤸🏻‍♀️ I've seen this mentioned before but as someone with thicker thighs this feels so good to read 💖

Lmao this was so long, I'm just really happy you seem to enjoy writing this as much as we enjoy reading it. tysm for sharing your writing, really 🫶🏼

Hope you have a nice day/night, I'm about to catch a flight and daydream about werewolves for three hours lol 😆

- 🍒

aaaaaaaaaaaaa bb this is so detailed, i'm super flattered you took the time to send me this omg

how do i come up with this??? honestly??? i have no clue, i'm just vibing lmao. guess i just have these abstract concept related to each couple in my brain and every time i'm writing for one i just pull from those.

also writing his perspective of the rut scene was soooooo fun !! i remember when i was writing ICO i had like, this idea of what might be going through his head at the time, but actually sitting down and writing it down just gave him so much more personality i feel like...

listen, big thighs are amazing. respectfully??? nom nom nom, love them big thighs, they deserve all the attention in the world. i love how adding this aspect to these stories have made so many people happy tbh. especially bc at the beginning it was something i added just because? i just felt like it so i added it and people liked it and it's nice. if it helps anyone feel better about themselves then it's 100% worth it.

i have SO much fun writing for this AU (and writing in general), and honestly, i'd still do it even if i weren't publishing them online bc i enjoy it that much, but being able to share something that gives me joy with people, and people also getting joy from it is suuuper lovely, it's one of the best things of sharing content within a fandom, so i really appreciate when y'all write to me about these things 💜

hope you have a nice/day too and that your flight goes well bb !!

[taehyungfirst]

HII AGAIN i did watch rainy days! (istg it's so annoying that it's only at 11M rn wtf army?? i thought it would be more popular than love me again because even i found out abt the mv's early like 5 minutes after it was released... and like armys in different timezones might've received teh news later or smth idk idk i think they should've promoted more tbh and announced the news a little while before the release date so armys could've been more prepared.) as to how it's doing on the charts... idk man. it's just a lil depressing at the moment. i feel like we as a fandom, like considering how big and coordinated we are, could've contributed more. and the fact that they released it on yt first was.. idk. you can't use playlists on yt for the first 24h i think? and streaming is kinda frustrating because you have to be online and keep watching other videos in between and other stuff so it doesn't get counted as bot behavior. and i feel like some army aren't really interested anymore in non-ot7 content? ANYWAY. the MVs were sooo different to me in a such a good way i loved it. love me again with the warm golden tones and rainy days with the cool, moody palette (someone said that it's in blues and yellows and greys because those are the colors that dogs see, and that the mv is kinda shown through the eyes of yeontan, watching tae!). also, love me again has tae performing, and it's all so pretty that you don't even mind that there's nothing, idk, like cinematic? going on. i mean, that he's only standing and singing (my fav part so far is the pre-chorus, starting w "Fine, I will be honest with you"). cause the vocals, visuals, setting, vibe, outfit, etc everything just goes together so pleasingly and you can just focus on that and let loose. it's lovely on the eyes.

and then there's rainy days. to me, it's something that i can watch again and again for the details. it's visually attractive to me-- i love rain, i love 'gloomy' weather. the set has got an idk a kinda futuristic or sci-fi vibe to it, i like how unique it looks. and then you have tae just moving around, yearning, making some art (vante!!!) and just being very boyfie in general (that moment where he's lying in bed and smiling? asdhshfdjfhjkflhdsjf). at first, i liked love me again way more than rainy days but now it's really sneaked up on me and taken me by surprise lol. i went out today and i was craving it (i didn't have it downloaded so i had to wait to go home and listen to ;-;). so. i have a lot to say ofc ofc but it's getting kinda late so i should probably go to bed lol. -prev anon ⭐(https://www.tumblr.com/taehyungfirst/725456734868684800/i-freaked-out-bby-istg-it-was-so-good-like-the-mv?source=share)

hello ⭐️!

i think rainy days got low views because people are focusing on lma more, but i do agree with you i also thought that rainy days wouldve done better but even the streams for lma are higher 😭 i mean lma is a MASTERPIECE so i get it

regarding streams, the lack of teasers and build-up and the fact that it was a surprise drop really influenced everything, we’re doing our best but usa armys are not even trying rn like my tl is full of people asking for BUYERS because we have funds but not buyers and that’s crazy also it fell off us spotify yesterday yeah just kind of a mess… i hope they will be more prepared for september 8 and read guidelines, they’re lucky because they can use pandora too which is good for streams bc it got low filtering rates and it counts towards charts too

the mvs were so perfect anon 😭😭 i genuinely loved them both and the amount of details and interpretations of people (like saying that taehyung is dressed in flashy gold and red because he wants to be seen by his lover again… just beautiful) are so fun to spot and read! i’m so happy taehyung chose to create a visual album because it’s the perfect choice for him and for his art… can’t wait for the other mvs

also!! i actually thought i preferred rainy days more but then at random times i find myself singing “lost without you baaaby”… i can’t choose i fear

[findingmypeace]

I understand wishing I could unsend a text & thinking “why did I open myself up to rejection again?!” But maybe there’s a reframe & something to be learned in how you feel now: it doesn’t sound like you are yearning to reunite with BS and DI at the end of the day, after sending the message you only felt a desire to move on, not hear them say you were forgiven. Now you know & you can start to let go of them knowing you have done everything you can to try to salvage the friendship after they confronted you. You also don’t have to respond to anything they send you, you don’t even have to read it (ha easier said than done though). It sounds like you sent the text bc you are wanting support & friendship in general. Maybe you can check out in person or Zoom support meetings. There’s EDA of course, but I think you may really like ACOA meetings.  It’s not just for Adult Children of Alcoholics as the name indicates, the fellowship is for adult children of dysfunctional families of any kind, so having an alcoholic parent is not a requirement & you certainly have a dysfunctional family (no offense) so you qualify. Maybe read their literature online & check out a Zoom meeting to see what you think. I have attended many 12 step fellowships (I have all the problems) & I would not be alive without the support I receive there. I’ve also had a lot of fun too with the people I’ve met in them, the connections I’ve made aren’t solely focused on our problems. 

You’re right. I did send that text because I wanted support and friendship. Connection is becoming more and more important to me because I realize how much it helps me. I actually have thought of joining a few support groups. The treatment center I went to run two ANAD groups on Monday and Saturday and also an alumni group in the evening on Wednesday’s. I attended the Monday and Wednesday meetings last week and I think I might start attending them regularly. They’re virtual which helps a lot. Also, my therapist in treatment sent me a link to a list of SMART Recovery meetings. I haven’t attended any yet but I have the e-mail saved in my inbox. I never thought to attend ACOH meetings but that’s a good idea. I really do think that I can start to make connections through support groups. And I agree with you that my family is dysfunctional so no offense taken, lol. I put ‘lol’ but it’s definitely not funny. Ugh.

[generalfoolish]

Feel The Heat

Part Two: Something More

Pairing: Frankie Morales x OC Juniper Collins

Rating: 18+ (b/c minors shouldn't lurk, it is illegal and not polite.) But this is big fluff, just more exposition and pining and world building. I do curse, so there's that.

Word Count: 4k+

Summary: June and Frankie are big idiots, and they keep bumping into each other in the wildest of places. Again, and I can't overstate this: they’re both MASSIVE idiots.

A/N: Hey babes! This is going a little slower bc I want to give more with each update, I normally keep around 1K and these are little beasts. But I'm excited with the story, some threads are exposing themselves, and there will be more Frankie X OC time in the next part. For now, enjoy this little taste of yearning and pining and overthinking and general angst over meeting a cute new somebody. 💕

Masterlist | Part One | Part Three

June checked her phone as she stirred the pot, and groaned at the email count. More than half were parents who “couldn’t” make the conference, and the rest were from her principal wanting to reiterate the importance of those meetings. She dropped the phone back to the counter, and focused on her pot. She had googled what to do with Brandywines, and had decided on a slowly simmered tomato sauce. It paired beautifully with the fresh garlic and basil she had picked up, and the whole house smelled like an Italian restaurant.

This was her favorite way to use up produce in the summer. She spent hours simmering and canning, and got to enjoy the fruits of her labor in the dead of winter. She knew she could easily gift the sauce made from those beautiful tomatoes, and she had every intention of doing so.

Sundays passed so quickly, she hardly had time to dwell on the farmer, but when she caught a whiff of her stove she had to find something to do. She worked through the emails, sending reminders that the conferences were mandatory, and that if the parents couldn’t make it during the week before or after school, she was available to meet online. She fought the temptation to open her weekends. She was working on work boundaries with her therapist.

June had an easier time fighting off thoughts of the farmer as the day waned on, and she thought, foolishly, that she could just forget the brown eyed grump she had met.

--

Frankie was having a hard time focusing on anything. Liv was a bundle of energy, and he tried not to snap at her. He had her come help him in the garden, but he ended up sending her to dig for worms after she trampled another vine.

“Ew! Worms are gross.” She argued.

“I know, but didn’t you want to go fishing? Fish eat worms, it’s how we can get them out of the water.” He explained, carefully. She considered him, then bounded off, calling out to the worms. He chuckled watching her, and went back to pulling weeds. With a moment of quiet, his mind flitted back to the woman. He couldn’t help it. He had dreamt of her. She was lounging in the back of his mind, waiting for him to stumble into the memory. Liv was a good distraction, but she only held the woman at bay for so long. He grumbled and wiped his brow. He decided to give it up for now, the woman and the weeding.

“Princess, I think we have some hotdogs. Let’s try those.” He called over to Liv, who excitedly left behind her freshly dug hole.

“Daddy, Mrs. Becka wanted me to remind you about the school stuff.” Liv told him, grabbing his hand as they walked. He exhaled sharply. He had forgotten the meetings. He pulled his phone from his pocket and scrolled through Becka’s texts. She had sent him the teacher’s number at some point, he knew, the trouble was finding it. Finally, he clicked the blue hyper-linked number and called it. Liv ran inside ahead of him, looking for the hot dogs, and he waited at the door as the phone rang.

“Hello?” Ms. Collins answered breathlessly, and he cleared his throat.

“Ms. Collins? It’s Olivia Morales’ dad, calling about the meeting?” He heard something clatter on the other end. “Is now an okay time?”

“Yes, sorry, Mr. Morales, I was just...it doesn’t matter. My schedule is a little tight, when did you have in mind?”

“Something early, maybe before drop-off?”

“Sure, uhm, let me check my calendar,” She sounded distant, he thought, probably on speaker. “Yeah, Tuesday morning? I know that’s quick, it is all I have though.”

“Yeah, I can be there. Like 7am?”

“Yes, that’s great. See you then.” The line disconnected and he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d heard her voice before. He rolled his eyes at himself, of course he had. She was his daughter’s teacher. As if on cue, Liv ran out with a hot dog. He smiled brightly and ruffled her hair.

“‘Kay, kiddo, let’s go catch some fish.” She grinned at him brightly, showing off the hole her first lost tooth had made. His heart caught as he realized she was growing up so fast.

--

“Monday’s really are the worst.” June laughed. She had her mom on the phone, connected through Bluetooth. “I’m just leaving the school now!”

“I just don’t see why you’re having to set these meetings up now. The kids have hardly been in school for a couple of weeks.” June sighed as she merged on the highway to head home.

“I know, it's just something my district does. The hard part is wrangling parents.”

“Well, if you had any children, you’d know how much they require of you.” June rolled her eyes and exhaled through her nose. Her mom was always quick to bring up her lack of a partner and children. Not that June didn’t want those things, they just haven't panned out for her yet.

“Yeah, Mom, I’m sure you’re right.” She acquiesced, knowing the argument wasn’t worth the effort.

“Have you met anyone? You’re only getting older, you know.”

“Thanks Mom. Uh, I have a date tomorrow night, actually.”

“Well, what’s his name, do I know him? What does he do for work?” June rolled her eyes, and wondered why she had answered the call.

“I don’t know anything about him. It’s a blind date.”

“Not even a name?” June bit her lip, debating telling her Mom the nickname.

“He’s ex-Army, goes by Fish. That’s all I know. Oh, and he’s single. A new teacher sat it up for me.” June explained, hoping her Mom wouldn’t have much to say.

“Fish? Oh, wow. Terrence really messed you up, huh.”

“I’m getting a call from a parent, I’ll talk to you later.” June lied, ending the call. Terrence had really messed her up. Not that that was of any importance to her dating life, or this blind date’s name. She sighed hard as she pulled into her driveway.

“Monday’s really are the worst.” She told the empty space of her car. She grabbed her bag and hurried inside. It had been a long day, and she was ready to polish off her bottle of wine from the night before. She walked in and let her bag drop to the floor, and crossed to the staircase. She groaned as she climbed the stairs. She was exhausted and still had a ton left to do.

June stripped quickly and threw on her yard work clothes. She stopped by the kitchen and poured some wine into a cup with a lid, before making her way outside. The day before she had started a small garden, and she was determined to make something grow out of it. She had no idea what she was doing, though. The wine wasn’t really helping either.

She had been short with a few parents while she was tending the fragile plants. It was a little late in the season to try and start anything, but she had picked up some discount plants that she wanted to help limp along for a little longer. She hoped she hadn’t put any of the parents off, and tried to remember who all had called.

June wiped her forehead with her gloved hand and tried to sort them out. Steven’s mom, Cynthia, was meeting her during lunch. That would be short, thankfully. Steven was a good kid, quiet. Graham and Ginger’s grandma was coming Wednesday afternoon, the parents were out of the country for something. Mia’s dad was going to call during the planning period. Ashley’s mom was coming Tuesday afternoon. And Olivia’s dad was coming Tuesday morning. June felt her shoulders sag, and she drained her wine. That wasn’t even half of the parents left.

She gave up on the garden and stalked inside. She wanted to scare up something for dinner, but didn’t really feel like making anything. She gave in and called the local Indian place. They knew her order, and said they’d be there soon. She grimaced, wondering how much money she had spent on Vindaloo over the years, and decided not to think about it. She had enough time to slip in the shower to wash the sweat off, before the delivery guy knocked on her door. She tipped him generously, and sat down on the couch.

June clicked the tv on and scrolled through her watch list. She settled on some mind-numbing detective show, and ate half of the curry. She put the rest away, and grabbed her bag by the door. The bag was a mess, but she managed to find her red pen and the papers that needed grading, and she settled back in.

Soon, the mindless task paired with a full stomach and the wine had her falling into a deep sleep.

--

Frankie was pissed. He was giving up the best time of the day for harvesting to meet with Liv’s teacher, and Ms. Collins couldn’t be bothered to show up. His thoughts went back to the phone call the day before, and he gritted his teeth as he realized she had put him off twice. Over something she had wanted to set up. He’d gotten the bundles of paper she had sent home on it. Yet, here he was, and she was nowhere to be found. He pulled his phone out, and considered punching in her number, but stopped himself.

Frankie had to exhale deeply four times before he could lay his phone down. He had gotten here a little early, and it was just now 7 am, and he didn’t have a set schedule. Liv was with Ashley, Becka had insisted on taking them to drop off so he could have plenty of time with Ms. Collins. Not that it mattered now, he thought, dryly. At ten past, he pulled his phone back out, and brought her name up. He was angry again, and had every intention of calling. But before he could press her name, the door swung open, and his heart dropped.

~~

June woke with a start. The birds were singing outside, the light was all wrong, and she was on the couch. Shit, she thought, jumping up. Shit, shit, shit. She had overslept. She hurried up the stairs and threw on something presentable, and didn’t even check herself in the mirror. She could do her makeup in the class. She grabbed up the half graded papers and shoved them in her bag, and ran out the door. She dumped everything in the passenger seat and drove much faster than usual. She was about halfway to the school when she realized she was meeting a student’s parent this morning. She hadn’t had any coffee, and her brain was starting to slow down from the adrenaline of being late, and she could not remember who she was meeting. She parked, and popped her vanity mirror down and grimaced. She looked like she was having a bad morning. She decided to throw her hair up in a messy bun, and grabbed the mess up from her passenger seat.

She basically ran into the building, her flats ricocheting sound off the concrete walls. She swung her door open, apologies already falling from her lips, when she looked at the parent. The apologies died on her lips, and her mouth fell open.

“You?” She asked, dumbly. “Frankie?” He looked like he had seen a ghost, a bitchy ghost, she grimaced.

“You?” He stood now, and started to move to her.

“Uhm, you can’t be here. I’m meeting a student’s parent, and how’d you even know where to find me?” She started rambling, but when the words were out she realized how stupid they were. “Oh my god, you’re the parent?” She barked out a laugh, and dumped her bag on her desk. He grinned, and wiped the back of his neck.

“Liv’s dad. I’m Frankie Morales.” He told her, faltering from shaking her hand.

“Perfect. I’m Juniper Collins, you can call me June, or Ms. Collins, whatever you prefer. I’m sorry I’m late, I...I started a garden yesterday and wore myself out. That’s what I was doing when we spoke on the phone,” She told him, laughing. June had only tried gardening because she wanted a common foot with him. She didn’t want to tell him that yet, though. “Anyway, let’s get to Liv. Liv is a great girl, Mr. Morales.”

“Frankie.” He interrupted, with a small smile.

“Okay, Frankie. Look, Liv is great, she really is. She struggles in class sometimes, though. She is smart as hell, but she seems to struggle. I wanted to give you some information about ADD or ADHD. It presents differently in girls, and is often overlooked. I haven’t known her long, obviously, but I actually was diagnosed much later in life, and I remember doing some of the things she’s doing. Would you be interested in some info on that?” June asked carefully, their relationship was rocky and weird, and she didn’t want to overstep. This was her job, though. It was a little bit not her job, actually. But she always wanted to look out for her girls, especially when they were as smart and incredible as Liv.

“Oh, wow. I had no idea she was struggling.” Frankie muttered, and removed his cap. June sucked in a sharp breath at his light brown, bouncy curls as they spilled out. He was beautiful. She distracted herself by moving behind her desk and grabbing a folder she had laid out for Liv, for this exact reason, and she thanked her past self for being put together. Then she went and sat beside him at the small activity table. She felt comical sitting next to him in the small chairs, he was spilling over his own. She laid down the folder and put a hand on his arm.

“Look, it isn’t a struggle that she notices yet. It’s her recall, her attention span, and her ability to focus. That sounds like a lot, I know, but there’s a simple test, and there are effective alternatives to stimulants. I’m on one, and it really helped me. Life is only going to get harder for her, if she has it and it remains untreated, but she has no idea. She isn’t “different” yet, and she’s doing so, so well in class. She is a model student. I just want to help, that’s all.” She watched his face as she spoke, and by the end, he seemed defeated.

“I should have noticed. I’m her dad. I...I’ve been worried I’m not around enough, and now you drop this on me.” He laughed dryly. She patted his arm.

“Liv talks about you all the time. She loves you, Frankie. She tells us all the time about her pilot dad.” June said it before she had time to think, before she connected “Liv’s Dad” with Frankie, the man before her. And then, her big mouth spit out something she wanted to take back immediately. “But you’re a farmer, right?” He looked up into her eyes, and his face was hard.

“Anything else you wanted to tell me about Liv?” His words were right, but the tone was too harsh. June flinched back from him, and dropped her gaze from his suddenly hard face.

“Liv is a great girl. She’s great to have in class. I have nothing else for you.” June told him monotonically, going on autopilot so as not to cry. She had spent the whole weekend thinking about him, then she had planted a stupid garden to have more in common with him, and then fate brought them back together, and she screwed it up again. She decided it was done, then. Frankie Morales was not in the cards for her. Sure, she might see him again because she taught his daughter, but she was through thinking of him like that.

“Good. I have to get going, next time try to be on time.” He scolded, as he stood abruptly and left without another word. Slowly, June followed and shut the door behind him. Alone, at last, she started crying.

~~~

“Idiot. You fucking idiot.” Frankie berated himself in his truck. He couldn’t believe it when she swept into the room. He had found her. Not her, he thought with a grimace, Juniper. The name felt so appropriate. It was an old name, but it suited her so perfectly. He exhaled roughly and tried to rewrite the scene. She was looking out for Liv. She wanted Liv to be happy and succeed. This woman cared more about his daughter than Liv’s own mother. And as soon as she tried to get to know him, he bit her head off and made her feel bad for being late. Jesus, what a dick. He had found her, and in a single moment, he had managed to ruin it again.

He put the truck in drive and headed home. Nothing left to do here, he thought bitterly. He was pulling up the driveway when he remembered that she had started a garden. It wasn’t a coincidence, he realized. She had started a garden because of him. He parked the truck and laid his head against the steering wheel. He had pushed her away at every turn. The market, the bar, and now at the school. He had seen her face before he left, and knew it was done. He had pushed too far, too fast. Of course, she would want nothing more to do with him. He had done nothing but treat her like shit.

He got out of the truck and threw his hat. It didn’t do much except get his cap dirty, but it was all he could do. He pulled his phone out, and pulled her name up. He typed a long message, and erased it. Then he tried again, and erased it again. His pride was getting in the way. He couldn’t tell her about his piloting years. The army, spec ops, Colombia, the coke, or any of it. She could just hate him, and then he couldn’t hurt her anymore.

~~~~

June paced up and down her classroom. Her face was puffy, still, and she had been struggling to focus all day. She couldn’t meet anyone new for dinner; she wasn’t in the right headspace for a date. Let alone one where she would have to leave a lasting impression. She chewed her thumb nail before heading down the hall.

Samantha's classroom was pretty close to her own, and June was glad for it. If she had had to walk further she would have lost her nerve. June knocked tentatively on the door, before pulling it open. Samantha looked up and grinned.

"Hey girl! Are you excited for your big date tonight?" June’s own smile fell from her face.

"Actually, that's why I'm here. I want to cancel." Samantha's smile pulled down quickly.

"Why?"

"I'm having kind of a bad day for impressions," June told her flatly.

"Well, I couldn't if I wanted to. Santiago is out of town, no reception. I don't have the friend's number." June groaned.

"Okay, alright. Ugh, probably for the best. Do you know anything else about him? I’ve had kind of a rough day. You said, ex-military right?”

“Yeah, Santi doesn’t really talk about that time, and I haven’t pushed it. I met him a while back, Fish. He’s sweet. I think he’ll be your type. You like tan brunettes?” June nodded, laughing and thinking about Frankie Morales again.

“He’ll be perfect. Doesn’t say much and likes beer, that’s all I know.” Samantha gave a small shrug.

“Alright, thanks. I’ll let you finish eating.” June said, excusing herself.

She left feeling defeated. A parent was going to be late this afternoon, she had gotten the email after the Frankie disaster. Which meant that she was going to be late to dinner. She wasn't killing it in the men department so she hoped that despite a military background he wouldn't mind her tardiness. She couldn't handle another horrible scene like the one from this morning.

The rest of the day was uneventful, which she was glad for. Her nerves were on the edge. She tried to ignore how much Liv favored her dad, and how she loudly told the class about their upcoming camping trip. She found herself listening intently, despite herself. And even chuckled at the girl’s memories of the last trip. June’s mood improved with the day, too. She even played a little music in the background while the kids worked on their worksheets.

By the time she had hauled herself into her car, the last thing she wanted to do was go to dinner. But she swiped on her favorite lipstick and drove to the restaurant. If she broke the speed limit, she would only be about five minutes late, and she pushed it. She wanted to drink some wine, and forget about Frankie Morales. Another tan brunette in her life would do her good, she thought happily. She was tired, but she wanted to make the most of it.

---

Frankie was looking back and forth between the menu and his watch. He couldn't believe that another woman was about to be late on him. He was trying hard to get June out of his mind, and his blind date wasn't making it easy on him. He chuckled when he realized what he was doing. Just meeting a total stranger for dinner. He didn't have much choice in the matter, he thought, remembering how Pope had basically told him where and when, without asking if Frankie was even interested.

She had good taste, he conceded. This was his favorite spot. They made amazing, fresh pasta. He was eyeing the cocktail menu, when she rushed in. He couldn't believe he was running into her again.

It was June, because of course it was. She was flushed, probably late again, he huffed, but she had put on a bright red lipstick that made his heart stutter. He lowered his gaze back to the menu. He hoped she wouldn't see him out on a date, even if he saw her. The hope was short lived because she made her way to him, her eyes glinting with an emotion he couldn't place, and she exhaled deeply.

"Let me guess, your call sign is Fish, right?" His eyes snapped to hers and she laughed while nodding. It was her. He had found her again. The waiter walked over and she told him to bring a bottle of red, and a beer for him. He told the waiter his brand, and raked his eyes over her.

"Sorry I'm late, I had a crazy day." She mused once she had taken two deep sips of her wine.

"Yeah? What is it you do?" He asked, hoping beyond hope that this was their start over. Their fourth, or so, start over.

"Teacher. Yeah, I teach. Most days it's easy, but some days there are parents." She told him, her cheeks flushed.

"Hopefully, no jerks?" He asked, quickly taking a sip of his beer. She held her head to the side before she sighed.

"I don't know what's going on here, Frankie. It's kind of exhausting. I think you're pretty handsome, you grow amazing food, you have a beautiful daughter, but I think we just keep messing up. How about, just for now, we enjoy this meal and the company, and tomorrow we can talk about what it means that we can't keep away from each other?" He searched her eyes. She was tired, he could tell, but she was so sincere. He wanted desperately to know why she sat down instead of just leaving. He wanted to know why they were seemingly so connected. He wanted to know if he'd been on her mind too.

"I'm thinking the carbonara." He answered, and she smiled before looking the menu over herself. The rest could wait. He had found her again.”

[unholyplumpprincess]

Alone With You

Here is a commission for @realityinspace featuring their LOVELY BELOVED oc Saros for Overwatch! Please ask them about their oc and appearance bc they are LOVELY! I had a lot of fun writing this but maaayyy have gone a bit overboard on what was promised.

Image for the Oc found here!

(Older content)

Reblogs > Likes

!!!Minors and ageless blogs dni or you will be blocked!!!

Relationship: Reaper/OC

Fandom: Overwatch

Warnings: R18+/NSFT, Reaper is a trans man and if the story is continued WILL be mentioned explicitly later down the line, Bondage via Reaper’s shadow powers, hand around throat but no choking, no penetrative sex, mild flicker of angst but nothing more than a glance.

Words: 4.8k

____________________

There were times like now that the city really reflected the thoughts going through Saros’ head. The streets of France could be full of liveliness in the city he was in, and yet now, the streets almost seemed solemn. The sky was gray, patters of rain dropping from the sky onto the reflecting concrete. It felt nostalgic, in a way, the way people were quietly going about their days with umbrellas up and above their heads. Voices but a whisper compared to the soft patters of rain and the sound of cars passing.

The sight of couples leaning on each other would have been sweet to anyone else, but bitterness held in his chest made him shy his eyes from said people. More interested in pulling his thick jacket around his body more and continuing his slow pace through the city. He had no destination, just the itch for something familiar. There shouldn’t have been a familiar face in the city, no, and that’s what he’s betting on.  

Familiar faces by now were ghosts or people who wanted to harness his power. A power that made him itch for destruction yet itched for a still calmness of a soothing lullaby.  

~Rest under the cut~

Saros passes by a window that holds a reflection. Something he ignores without even sparing a glance, just catching the dark outline of his body. Though, what does make him pause is a mannequin in the window. Its features are indistinct, nothing special. But the leather jacket and the dark beanie shoot him back into memories.

Fond ones, at least.

Of his Commander, imposing yet welcoming barking out commands for Saros, Jesse, and Genji to follow. How his hands felt checking over Saros on more than a few occasions and his gruff voice asking, “You doin’ alright, kid?” And for Saros to nod his head quickly.

A certain memory stands out, however, when he notices that the mannequin is also adorning rings on the left hand.

--

It had been a rough night, that night years ago. Jack and Gabriel had been at each other for awhile, there was a rift in their relationship and tensions could be felt if you walked into the same room as them. Overwatch had been taking the praise and all the good work done, Blackwatch had been treated like the hand-me-down child and taking all of the faults, all of the blame.

Which in turn meant Jack taking the praise, and Gabriel taking the pounding of the government questioning the orders given. Which meant Overwatch pointing fingers downstairs to the people who DID do the dirty work under the table.

And once Jack got promoted? It went all tumbling downhill from there.

Gabriel was who Saros learned his compassion and emotions from- not to mention Jesse and Genji. Jesse was happy to show Saros movies and explain why people interacted in such ways, or making comments if the movies was a romance and saying to NOT do certain things that were on screen. Such as if you made your lady angry, do not pull her into a kiss and suddenly everything would be better. Whilst Genji, on the other hand, taught him to harness his anger and hatred. Genji was a lost soul much like himself, and even hearing his story made Saros’ heart strings tug even if he wasn’t too sure how having a sibling would feel.

Or family for that matter.

However, Gabriel? Saros stuck to like glue the second he saw him. Gabriel always made comments about how he was feeling, explaining his motions to Saros as if teaching a child how to behave. Except Saros was a full fledged adult who had been kept from human interaction for so long. He’d watched as Gabriel had first opened his arms for the first time when Saros was throwing a fit, tears down his own face and frustrated at something he wasn’t sure. There were items being lifted into the air via zero gravity coming from himself and yet-

Gabriel hadn’t run or yelled at him, just held open his arms and let Saros figure out what that meant by winding his arms around Gabriel’s small waist and getting protective arms around him in general. The softness of a hand on the back of his neck and the grounding murmurs into Saros’ temple had been so soft that he had steadily calmed down.

So, this fateful night? He’d caught Gabriel in the debriefing room. His arms were crossed on the table, face buried into them and beanie set to the side. The ring he’d worn on his finger had been thrown across the room on the other side of the table, not to mention the room just felt gloomy.

When Saros had touched his shoulder softly and watched as his commander turned his head up to look at him, he could only make a choked sound at the sight of Gabriel’s dark brown eyes absolutely glassy and red like he’d been crying. And as if on command, he slowly opened up his arms for Gabriel who had laughed at him softly and rubbed at his eyes. “See, you’re learning quick enough, kid.”

Before his arms had wound around Saros’ waist so softly and he’d just slumped into Saros and he knew it was his turn to hold onto his commander this time.

From there? It had been a whirlwind of emotions. Jesse and Genji heard the news the next day and Jesse threatened to cut off Jack’s dick and feed it to the wolves. Genji offered his blade, said he could make it look like an accident. Gabriel had waved them off, saying he was alright, that he had a feeling it had been coming is all.

Saros could see how he looked away though, even if Saros wasn’t too sure about gauging body language yet, he could tell that his heart had been broken into a million pieces.

And yet, Saros and Gabriel started becoming closer than before. Their relationship seemed to flourish, and yet, still seemed at a pause. Gabriel wasn’t willing to cross the threshold into another relationship; Not to mention with one of his subordinates. It just felt like an imbalance of power, no matter how much Saros’ puppy dog green eyes got him.

There was always a tension that even Saros could feel when they were close to each other. He felt his own eyes flicking down to Gabriel’s full lips on multiple occasions, watched as he’d lick them and avert his own eyes as if Saros was killing him just by looking. Or when Saros would be in his space to learn from him- or if they sparred.

Saros had never yearned, or ached before in his life for that matter. And yet, all he wanted to do was let Gabriel Reyes do whatever he wanted to him and he would have accepted with a Thank You Kindly, Sir.

--

Saros’ own mind gets away from him reminiscing about the past. His eyebrows knit so briefly in a facial expression he can’t pinpoint when he remembers Gabriel is gone. The explosion- the screams- the funerals-

He flinches slightly, turning his gaze away and sighing to himself. Hatred and bitterness burned in his heart once again, replacing the nostalgic warmth he had been feeling. How cruel of a world to be able to take these beautiful emotions he once had learned and twist them into a fury he could not express. He missed the warm hands, he missed the dark eyes from across the room burning into him, he missed sneaking his own hand down his pants and being able to remember a face that would haunt him with lust rather than grief.

As Saros begins to walk down the sidewalk again, he can’t help but tune in to the sound of footsteps behind him. Far enough away to not be loud enough if he wasn’t paying attention, but he notes that they’re just after his own. Curiously, he takes a random left across the street, heading more downtown and in a back area that no one would usually take.

When he hears the footsteps following, that’s when his skin crawls.

Talon shouldn’t be in France- Overwatch had its recall but there wasn’t a crisis here- Vishkar? They wouldn’t be in France...would they?

His paranoia begins to escalate as he makes the mistake of starting to speed up now that he knows he’s being followed. The second Saros hears the person pursuing him speeding up, he quickly takes off into a sprint through the nearby buildings through their alleys to try and lose them. He’s consumed with a feeling he can name right as he feels it, something so familiar that even before he had come to Earth he had felt before.

Fear.

Just as his eyes scale a large wall in front of him to come to a dead end. Saros’ heart is pounding, turning his back to it to press flat to its surface. His eyes search the shadows frantically in front of him, chest pounding and lips parted to pant as he watches the body emerge from the shadows- as if the shadows were the very person themselves.

A white owl skull mask, leather clad body with a trench coat, the talons outstretching from gauntlets and the threatening appearance of shotguns withheld on their back.

The Reaper, someone Saros had heard about but only seen in news reports online or through the papers. He’d never seen the being in person. A ghost, of sorts, said to have a haunting and chilling voice and a deadly trigger finger. Shown to be working with Talon agents.

Talon...

Saros steadies his breathing, watching as this being takes well timed steps towards him. It’s slow, deliberate, and yet doesn’t feel threatening. It feels authoritative. Like this being was used to being in control.

Saros watches with an intense gaze, eyes slipping down the frame. Small waist, hourglass figure with wide hips and strong legs. Down to boots that stomp with purpose, a hip swaying with one leg dramatically, and following.

A flicker in his mind, starting to piece together the body, the sound of the boots, the way this being doesn’t even reach for its weapons-

“Gabriel-” Saros feels the name slip from his lips, a shot in the dark maybe. But it’s too familiar- it- it had to be!

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Comes the haunting voice as it is now only maybe a foot from him. Saros doesn’t realize his mouth has opened in awe, eyes widening as he pieces it together. This voice was still gruff, deeper and almost like three different voices talking at once in a permanent growl. Yet, it was still familiar. Almost...playful.

Regretful.

The slap across his mask’s cheek is well deserved from Saros. The Reaper turns its- no, his head to the side with the effort but makes no move to reach out to Saros. As always, let him come to him first, no pressure, no movement. Just slowly turning his head back to facing him as Gabriel keeps a healthy distance away.

An unfamiliar sob rips through Saros’ throat without his permission, a choked noise as tears gather in his eyes and begin spilling down his pretty cheeks. Gabriel’s heart twists, arm twitching and hand outstretching to the side until Saros gets the hint and dives for him. His arms wind around Gabriel’s waist like old times, squeezing him tight as Gabriel’s go around his shoulders slowly, one clawed gauntlet resting at the base of his neck and cradling the man to his neck softly.

“I-I thought you were dead! The news-  Overwatch- they said they found your dog tags. S-said that-” Saros’ breath is shaky, nosing at the fabric by Gabriel’s neck and inhaling the familiar scent of cinnamon and dark chocolate- sensual and familiar. “They said that you were dead. I went to your funeral-”

Pulling away briefly, Saros keeps his hands still on Gabriel, staring at the mask with his brows furrowed in a way that reminded Gabriel of his own frustrated appearance. He could laugh, but he holds it in as Saros growls out in absolute grief, “You were ALIVE and you didn’t contact me!” Yet tears still stream down his face, no malice in his words, Saros’ facial expression seeming to try and find the right thing to set to.

“Not the place for this conversation,” Gabriel murmurs, so deep it rattles his chest and makes Saros’ expression drop into a momentary panicked look. “But...it is the time,” He reassures gently, pulling Saros softly back from him. “You remember the old base ‘round here? South- in the woods?”

Saros nods shakily, wracking his brain to remember the coordinates. It’d come to him once he passed by the old willow tree, that much he knew for sure. Watching Gabriel nod, he takes the hint and wipes at his own eyes with a sniff. “Yeah- yeah I’ll meet you there.”

--

How Gabriel had left into a swirl of dark mists is a deal between him and the shadows, as Saros quickly figured out. He took the time Gabriel had spared him to head back to his hotel room under a false name, gathering his stuff in the backpack he had and tossing it over his back. Getting to the base wasn’t too hard, it required a little bit of hiking and remembering before he found the old hideout. It was covered by a wooden plank and old leaves, you wouldn’t even second glance at it.

The door’s pass code comes to him from memory and the drop down isn’t too bad without using the ladder. But he hangs onto it briefly to be able to make sure the door shuts and is covered back up. He then enters a dark, long hallway lit with old lights in the ceiling. Dim now after years without use before he reaches the door at the end. Another pass code and he’s in.

This place looked like a little home. Couches, a kitchen, a staircase leading down to an armory underneath. A bedroom was around the corner, fit with clothing of many sizes to blend in with the crowds around, a bathroom connected with running water and a decent sized shower with toiletries to spare. Dim lights were implanted into the ceiling, the kitchen was small but still had food stocked in it in cans and boxes. There were blankets left on the couch, one with little dragons on it that makes him smile as he strokes his fingers across it fondly remembering Jesse holding it up proudly to Genji.

Saros does, however, see the figure slowly creep from the shadows and is reminded like a slap to the face of why he’s here.

It’s quiet between the both of them as Saros comes to sit on the couch, slouching and dropping his backpack onto the floor nearby and Gabriel taking measured steps to come closer. Gabriel, as always, does not push boundaries as he leans against the nearby wall, arms crossed and hip jutted out in the way he always did.

There is when Saros finds his voice, “Where have you been?” He seems to murmur to the ghost of a man, still not believing his eyes at how Gabriel appeared so powerful now. Yet, completely covered up. With the skin he could see, Gabriel’s once warm dark brown flesh seemed almost a dimmed color. Like he really was dead.

“Mercenary work.” Gabriel starts with a heave of a sigh exhaling from his lips. It comes out black through his mask, like they were apart of him. Saros’ eyebrows knit, opening his mouth to question him further but Gabriel continues. “You’ve probably seen the news- I know you’re not dumb, kid. I know you have questions about my involvement with Talon.” Even the very word makes Saros flinch and Gabriel’s heart sinks, wanting to reach out to him, but he keeps his arms firmly crossed to remind himself not to let his heart win.

“Talon is...another contractor, we’ll say. Not my home.” Gabriel clarifies, sighing softly and turning his head to the side to look towards the wall briefly as he tries to find his own words. “I...I didn’t mean to leave you behind- hell, I thought Jesse would have taken you with him to wherever he was going- I thought...” He trails off once again, sighing shakily and resting a clawed hand over his mask as if burying his face in his hand.

Excuses. He only had excuses. At least, that’s what it felt like.

How could he look Saros in the eye and say he had been a willing test subject for Moira? How Angela’s science experiment worked to bring people back from the grave? How Moira had harnessed something similar? How could he look at this man and tell Saros, who had been a victim of science experiments most of his life and turned into a weapon, that the same had happened to him?

Gabriel’s so caught up in his own thoughts he doesn’t hear Saros approach. Not until a gentle hand touches his shoulder and he flinches, jerking his head up to look at Saros who is holding an unreadable expression. Like he’s trying to find the right one to match his mood.

It ends up on almost fond and concerned. Eyebrows knitted and icy green eyes looking over Gabriel’s mask before his lips part softly, “I want to see you. Your face- I- I want...” He trails off as Gabriel slowly moves his arms to his sides, giving him free access as Saros’ fingers gently hook under the sides.

There’s only a brief moment where Gabriel’s hands come up, grabbing his wrists gently with the clawed gauntlets and making a strained noise in his throat. As if worried. “I don’t look the same like I used to, kid.” His voice is dripping with concern, but Saros pushes onwards. With the movement of the mask, Gabriel’s hands drop to his side, his hood falling back behind him and revealing most certainly the same man- but definitely different.

His hair was no longer cropped, now in beautiful inky black waves flowing down to about chest level and well taken care of with a side part flipping his hair to the side and curling on his high cheekbones. His eyes were no longer that lovely dark shade of brown, but now a vibrant red with slit pupils and pitch black sclera. His full lips, parted and showing the glint of a tongue piercing Saros remembered- but the sharp, deadly double set of canines he does not remember. All side effects of Moira’s experimentation dosages including genetic material based upon large felines.

His skin is duller, almost grayed out from its warmth. His facial hair is trimmed, lining around his upper lips and down over his chin in a thick goatee.

Saros thought he looked positively charming. Watching how Gabriel’s eyes flicker back and forth between his own, his lips starting to move to say something, but Saros moves quicker.

A gentle, warm hand comes to rest upon Gabriel’s cheek. Thumbing over his sharp cheekbone and drawing him forward so Saros could finally do what he longed to do after watching all those movies with Jesse. He kisses Gabriel, with such softness as his lips mold with his own. Saros’ eyes close and so do Gabriel’s, whose brows are knitted before he begins to smooth out. One clawed hand coming to rest upon Saros’ waist just as he begins to pull away.

It was the best kiss Gabriel had ever received.

He’s a bit disoriented, eyes fluttering open half lidded and looking at Saros like he’s not working properly. As if trying to get his system to boot back up just as Saros smiles shyly, eyes down casting and licking his own lips as if to taste the lingering flavor of Gabriel. “I...I wanted to do that a long time ago. My feeling for you are still the same- even if I am not sure what it is SUPPOSED to feel like. It feels...right- you. You feel right, Gabriel.”

Hell, Saros says it so soft that Gabriel is tempted to make sure Sombra didn’t do something to him before he left. Was this real? It had to be, Saros was there, he sounded the same, he’d been crying- God Gabriel felt like he was in his twenties again.

“I hope you feel the same-” Saros starts, voice anxious as his hand begins to pull back from Gabriel’s cheek. Uncertainty in his eyes that Gabriel promises to make up for as he lurches forward, cupping Saros’ cheeks in his hands and being mindful of his gauntlets as he drags him into a warm, deep kiss. Fit with both of their cheeks flushing and Saros making the most beautiful, soft moan in delight as he clings to his former commander.

--

There’s talk before Gabriel goes any further, murmuring into Saros’ ear that they could stop there and Saros making a soft noise in reply of, “No, have me, please-” And it takes all of Gabriel not to body slam him onto the couch and just have him. Just like that. He has enough sense to take him to the bedroom at the very least.

This is where Saros is now. His clothing lovingly taken off and Gabriel having stripped down enough with him. Losing the extras like his gauntlets, cloak, extra ammo packs- all of it. Down to just a skin tight leather tunic and matching pants with his belt across his hips. Saros notes how Gabriel’s hands are almost pitch black, smoking up and winding to about below his elbow, but he makes no comment.

He can’t, not really, not when Gabriel is fit between his thighs and taking his mouth again and again. Saros is sure he’s mapped out the way Gabriel’s tongue feels in his mouth by now, or the way his sharp teeth feel digging into his bottom lip. One of Gabriel’s hands is fisted in his hair, pulling sharply back and making the kiss break so Gabriel could suck another hickey below his jawline to match the rest darting up Saros’ dark flesh of his throat.

Gabriel’s long hair flutters as if a curtain to surround them both, smoke seeming to emit from different parts of his flesh as his mouth kisses its way down Saros’ chest. Finding his nipple and curling his tongue over the peak of it before taking it into his colder mouth to suck on it. The sudden pleasure makes Saros’ hips jump, his hard cock smearing across Gabriel’s abdomen but doing no mind to the man above him.

Gabriel’s hands are needy, all over Saros’ flesh to grab and to hold. Saros whines, starting to sit up, but suddenly black, smoke-like tendrils curl around his biceps and yank him back down. There’s a brief moment of pause where Gabriel kisses down to his bare abdomen, looking up at Saros as if to make sure that was alright. But seeing just how red Saros is and how he practically sobs out, “Please-” In that little whining tone that was all his to discover on his own, Gabriel knows it’s good.

Another snakes around Saros’ throat, not to choke, just to hold him still as it caresses Saros’ cheek adoringly. He looked a pretty picture, cheeks flushed, hair knocked from its bun and cascading to the side. His icy green eyes are darkened from how wide his pupil is as he watches Gabriel acutely. Whether to learn or just to watch, Gabriel isn’t sure, but it does make him grin faintly as he kisses along the v line of his hips. “Such a pretty little boy. How many times have you touched yourself thinking of me?” Gabriel’s own voice is a low growl, seeming to echo all in the room as he noses his way down through Saros’ happy trail to his curls.

“Every time,” Saros practically wheezes out, hips trying to stutter upwards but getting caught by Gabriel’s arm that locks over his hips to push him right back down. A sob bubbles from his chest then as he tries to continue, “Couldn’t th-think about anyone else.”  

It’s an honest answer, and a good one at that. Gabriel tries not to get touched by it the way he does, but he can’t help it. But, he distract himself, nosing at the underside of Saros’ cock and humming in approval at his size. “Poor thing...” He murmurs cruelly, toying with Saros who nearly lets out another sob before Gabriel licks up his cock from base to head. His free hand wraps around the base, massaging the length there with his thumb as he takes the head past his full lips.

Saros reacts just as expected with over sensitivity and his hips lurching upwards. He cums almost immediately with a pathetic, chest heaving sob and his entire body jerking with each jerk of his cock. He watches, amazed as Gabriel only parts his lips to let Saros see the mess left on his tongue before swallowing it and going right back to what he was doing.

Over sensitive, Saros reacts beautifully. Toes curling into the sheets and head throwing to the side but not going far with the tendril around his neck. His lips part in a loud cry, hips straining against Gabriel’s grip as he takes him to the root and swallows solidly around his cock.

In total, Gabriel makes him cum just like that again and again, for three times. He’s far past wet in his own pants, feeling the easy slide when Gabriel goes to sit up, moving over to Saros’ side to see him still shaking from his last orgasm. “Look at me.” Gabriel murmurs, watching Saros’ eyes flutter open on command and peering at him through his lashes. Gabriel’s heart twists, but he catches him by his chin in a rough grip, guiding him into a bruising kiss as he lies beside Saros.

The hand grabbing his chin soon moves down, briefly squeezing Saros’ throat and noting the delicious sound he makes- something he’d keep in mind for another time. His hand drifts back down Saros’ abdomen to soon grip his cock in a solid grip, still wet from his saliva as he begins stroking languidly.

The reaction is immediate. Saros’ relaxed kiss turns into his mouth parting in a sharp gasp, pulling back so he can shake his head as tears begin rolling down his cheeks. “Gabrie- Ga—Commander I can't- fuck- please, please I can’t!” He tries to sob out, chest lurching forward in an arch as best as he can in his bonds when Gabriel thumbs at the drooling head of his cock with a soft hum and a kiss beneath his ear.

“You can. Just one more, baby boy, give me one more. You can do that for me, can’t you?” His voice is a sin on its own, a low rumble in Saros’ ear who lets out the most beautiful, choked noise as tears pour down his cheeks. He sniffles, nodding vigorously and losing himself as things begin to float in the room.  

With one last dry orgasm, Saros is finally allowed to relax. In his stupor he hears Gabriel praising him, calling him a good boy and kissing him softly. There’s a wet cloth cleaning him up by the time Saros makes a soft hum of confusion and murmurs, “What about you?” Starting to roll over so he could find Gabriel who just tugs him to his chest and kisses the top of his head affectionately.

“’Nother time, kid. I promise you that.” Is the last thing Saros hears before he’s nodding off with a soft grunt of approval. It’s the best night of sleep he’s had since the accident, waking up in the arms of Gabriel and blankets thrown over them both.

--

“Why have you returned so soon?” Akande asks, brow furrows and arms crossed over his chest in clear disappointment at Reaper. A shrug is not a good enough answer, Reaper knows this, but he certainly does try it. Only to have Akande bare his pearly whites in a snarl. “I do not tolerate failure.”

Reaper laughs, haunting and multi-voiced as he does and crosses his arms to match the stance. His entire disposition screams at Akande to make his move, and when he doesn’t, it’s his turn to speak. “The kid wasn’t in France long enough and knows how to hide his trail. Try picking up on some factual information about where your targets are before calling me.” A low snarl to hiss right back.

But, Gabriel knows exactly where Saros is.

A similar tracker having been gifted to Saros the same way Overwatch had their recall system. A little skull symbol that looked like nothing more than a little keychain picked up in travels placed lovingly in Saros’ hand with a parting kiss and a promise uttered so softly in his ear.

“I won’t let you be alone again.”

[bi-dazai]

honestly i think i have a weird anger or cultural confusion where other gay and trans ppl are like much happier and comfortable to come out and shit and be open, but I've always had an extremely complicated relationship with it because it's always made me feel so isolated and lonely, even with other gay ppl around. and younger ppl especially will like go around coming out so frequently and meanwhile if I'm going to even tell you that I'm attracted to women I have to trust you 110% and that isn't something that comes easy.

I'm terrified of like. Wearing even rainbow goddamn socks because I'm scared shitless of getting bullied, or harassed, or even assaulted. Which is ironic considering I try to be quite fashionable in public but with being openly bi (let alone being openly TRANS) it's a complete no-no.

Like I think as much as I love being bi and nb at the same time I still despise it, I still think it's ruined my life. I have gender dysphoria about my chest whereas if I was cis I would be so happy with how feminine my body is. My first ever relationship with another girl at the moment being cut short by abusive homophobia fucked me up in innumerous ways, leading me to like...severe issues with the way i feel about sex and emotional attachment and touch.

And ofc there's the homophobia, like at this moment I'm probably leaning towards getting a fuckbuddy or smth over tinder but like a romantic relationship with another person is terrifying, like I'm insanely private w relationships even w men, I won't let us hold hands if I think too many people might see bc i have this stupid complex

There's more and more but my relationship with being Out is one where it's something that I simultaneously desire and despise, being Out is one of the most terrifying concepts I can think of and to me having someone refer to me as "they" and not as a woman is simply not as important as being safe, as not living in even more fear of assault.

And then all around me ppl my age (although usually younger) are all coming out to anyone and everyone like it's just casual, saying their pronouns like it's nothing. And first it's disbelief and shock because holy fuck, has everyone gone fucking mad?? Are we all so fucking stupid that we just forget the everloving fear homophobia strikes into you?? And then it's the jealousy, that these people have this comfortable relationship with their own gay/transness and enough trust to actually open up and tell a room full of strangers "please call me they not she". It's disappointment and anger in myself that almost 7 years after forcing myself to whisper "I'm bisexual" to the bathroom mirror in the middle of the night and then cry my eyes out because it felt like I'd been cursed, and probably over a decade since I'd started having sexual feelings about all genders, and an entire lifetime of having feelings for men women and others, after so long I'm still just a coward who sits and hates it all, who fears it all.

But then recently I've come to the realisation that the way I realised I was gay was a way that's kind of...dying out. That being the mostly offline way.

Don't take this the wrong way but I've found a lot of people go online and find this overwhelming amount of support and representation for gay and trans identity. You can argue validly this statement, but the context I use this in is comparing it to like. 2013. People were way less online. Being an online celebrity was a novelty.

At school there were dyke, faggot, tranny, etc, thrown around as if they were confetti. Jokes about "lesbos" and "lesbihonest" humiliated any girl who was too close to another girl. I grew up not just in Brisbane Queensland but in a town that was connected to the mainland only by two bridges - a landbridge and a humanmade bridge. The school was overwhelmingly anglo. Overwhelmingly right wing.

I realised I was bi with minimal help from Tumblr. I realised I was bi because I fell, hard, for my best friend. And then she liked me back, and our relationship was amazing. But the school found out. We held hands under the table, we found a quiet moment to kiss and everyone pointed and stared. We made out in the shadow of a building and turned to find twenty people watching gawkeyed, pointing, fascinated.

The entire time her mum was abusive, and massively homophobic. She blamed me for turning her daughter gay. She forced us multiple times to break up at the threat of violence. Eventually we did. We never talked about it. Our friendship never returned like it used to. It was awkward, tinged with sadness, regret, yearning and young love cut short.

It was traumatic, to say the least.

Tumblr in 2014, despite the cringe screenshots, wasn't actually mostly about LGBT positivity or whatever. I first saw the term bisexual on, if you can believe me, a quotev story in 2011 about a cheerleader and an emo girl who get together in a secret relationship. You were either gay or straight, or you had an exception. Bisexual felt right, though, for me, felt accurate, was accurate.

It was years of confusion and secrecy and guilt, peeks at other girls in the changing room that I couldn't help and I didn't understand why. Then it was months and months of anger and frustration at myself that I was feeling this way and confused about myself, and then when I said those words it felt like I was being torn apart. It felt like my life had fallen apart. I cried every goddamn night, I felt awful all the time.

At school the kids noticed. They noticed before I started dating my friend, they noticed the way I looked at her and they interrogated me about it. I'd claim up and down I had a crush on another boy - true perhaps, but it was a passing interest - and then they said they told him and analysed how I reacted. And then the interrogations continued for months because the gay girl was entertainment for them. Around me, as I walked between classes, had lunch, walked home, dyke dyke dyke faggot hahaha.

And then the relationship happened and then leelah alcorn happened and I learned what a trans person is. And sometime when I was fifteen I saw nonbinary begin to pop up, terms like genderfluid and nonbinary and they rang true like bisexual did, but the last time I went down a rabbit hole like that it ended in trauma, and another person got hurt. I didn't throw homophobia at her, but I felt and still feel responsible for it. I didn't turn her gay, but I made it obvious. I don't quite know how to say it.

I knew I was nonbinary, deep down. One day I decided to add that to my tumblr bio. Nobody gave a shit, just like nobody gave a shit when I said I was bi. But that was because I wasn't open about it even online. I couldn't talk about that stuff or I'd curse myself.

Time went on, I got more comfortable, collected fresh new traumas. My brother came out as trans. Around me, friends came out as gay and trans. But they kept coming out. They didn't stop at close friends and trusted family, they told teachers, their entire class. I didn't understand. Why the fuck would you put yourself at risk like that?? And I still don't. I said it was jealousy and anger at myself before, and maybe it is still a little bit, but now, it's just concern.

As I said, the way I realised I was gay is the rather old fashioned way - offline, through trauma, and almost entirely unenjoyable and traumatic. A lot of kids still go through that for sure. But the ones I see telling everyone over that they're gay or trans are, in my experience, not those ones. As the internet began to become more of a general use thing and less of a "only recluse weirdos" space, the online LGBT safe space began to expand into an audience bigger than before. Online, you were safe. Nobody knew your name, you were behind a screen. Homophobia was veiled, you could just delete a hateful anon, could just log off. You could put up your pronouns and people would use them because, well, ppl didn't really have any other identifier someone might use for your gender. So this positive uplifting atmosphere spawned for the most part. And instead of learning through confusion and rare chance encounters with random words and crying into the sink every night that you're gay, you much easier come across this content that tells you indepth what this is and that it's okay. And you think, well wow, that's me, and then...you know, I guess. Not denying there's some of the classic self hatred etc but...you have this safe space online to fall back on, and I cannot emphasise how much that has pushed the acceptance and widespread knowledge of lgbt people in the past 5 years. I didn't exactly have that space, and my realisation was through mostly real life channels, which were swamped at all sides by homophobia, at worst, abusive, at kindest, it would treat you like a sideshow attraction.

Being someone who arguably isn't old enough to brush this difference away with being an "older gay" but still having had a gay experience quite different to the majority in my generation (applying this to area as well) I have to say I'm confronted with this comfortableness other days have a lot and it's always jarring. I think also that while it's important and I'm happy that "younger" gays and transes have at least one good support network/space to fall back onto online, I do think it creates this kind of...dangerous other side, especially for those who go to schools that are LGBT positive and have families who are also friendly to that sort of stuff. I find that young gay teens are totally unprepared and unhardened for the fact that most people you run into in real life despise your guts for existing as who you are. And while we can make as many soppy gay narratives as possible about being honest about who you are and losing shame, we need to face the fact and teach young lgbt kids that being Out isn't just something you do as a ritual in being gay or trans, it's a brave thing and it's completely optional. And furthermore, most importantly, it's insanely dangerous.

I don't think that teenage, raw fear of the consequences of even the very concept of being Out has ever left me. Perhaps I have to thank the homophobic 14 yr olds who swamped me in slurs and trauma, because it's given me a survival sense that's kept me closeted so far you'd never get in.

But occasionally I'm tempted, particularly with my transness which I am only out to perhaps 3 people about, to venture into the world of telling people about yourself. I started a new uni semester and in a tutorial, the teacher handed out cards. We were to use it as a placard to write our names on it so the teacher would learn our names over the next few classes. And, if we chose...our pronouns.

I stared at that card for what felt like a million years. This has always been an ordeal. People don't know how to pronounce my name, even though it's a rather simple one. But pronouns? I'd never really told anyone those. Online, yes, and once when I was asked by a friend i was brave enough to say "any will do" but this - this wasn't the curated safe online space, this wasn't a one-time phrase to a friend. This was an open, permanent thing that would sit below me every class, declaring me to 18 other people. I wrote down "NATALYA", then beneath "she/". And then I stared some more. I felt like I was going to die. I felt like I was the biggest fool, because before I could stop myself I wrote "she/they". No "he", not yet. But...it was there.

At the end of the class the teacher collected the placards. I wanted to run back screaming, wanted to ask her for a new card so I could be safe again. But I didn't because I would look like a freak and a coward.

I still think it's stupid. I still think I've put some petty gesture that no one will ever respect (if they can call you she they won't ever call you they) above my own safety. The thing that really struck me was that it didn't feel good. The reason I wrote it like that, I believe in hindsight, is that I was curious what those other kids feel like, because it must feel good to declare that you're a tr*nny d*ke in front of the entire class, good enough to beat the stomach-lurching dread that precedes such an action. But it didn't. It just felt like an unnecessary risk. And it made me feel worse, like there was a target on the back of my head.

I think I could talk about this forever, about how so many kids believe coming out is this thing you're required to do to be a good gay, but it's not. It's stupid stupid reckless, and in my case it ends with you getting fucked over.

But Ive written for ages and gotten prosaic halfway through so I'm gonna shut up. Basically why the fuck do you guys come out to everyone like please stay safe instead of this it isn't worth it.

[rittz]

thoughts about being trans, idk where else to put them so here u go

it’s not like i don’t have trans guy friends to talk to about this, it’s just usually in the form of jokes or passing comments rather than an actually serious conversation. also, the transmasc people that i’m closest to identify more with the label “nonbinary” than i do-- it’s not like they couldn’t understand or relate to things i’m saying, but i’m just assuming that they probably don’t feel the exact same way i do

anyway, as a trans person we get often asked “so why do you feel like a [gender]?”, and the answer is usually some variation of “i just feel like it”. this is the most accurate but also vaguest possible answer, so i kinda wanted to break down my personal answer to that question?

basically, i identify as a man because i identify with men. in a general and also personal sense. gender stereotypes are something that trans people by necessity both embrace and reject. i relate to gender stereotypes about men more than those of women-- i’m less outwardly emotional, i like being handy, i don’t like kids, i have questionable personal hygiene, etc-- but obviously these things alone don’t make someone a man. however... you can’t deny that there is some general truth about behavioral differences between men and women (bc of society, not biology). men and women both experience different problems in the world, and each have trouble understanding the experiences and problems of the other. generally, i can relate to the experiences and problems of men more than those of women, even if it seems like i shouldn’t (for example, i am not afraid of walking alone at night, even though i am very tiny).

i, from a young age, have had a constant yearning for more male friends. i would occasionally choose to play video games as a male character. i was upset that i couldn’t be in boy scouts. i have been jealous of my younger brothers being treated by my parents the ways i wished i was treated. when i imagined myself older, i pictured myself less like my mom and more like my dad. when i’m around men, i want them to treat me like one of them. i want to be seen as a man.

and i think that’s what being trans really boils down to. wanting to be seen as someone other than how everyone sees you. wanting what you see on the outside to match how you feel on the inside. this obviously extends to nonbinary individuals, who face their own struggle when it comes to presentation. but at the end of the day, i think that presentation is equally important to gender identity as internal feelings. i mean, i think we’re all familiar with the research proving that transitioning makes trans people happier. surgery is an invasive, expensive, painful process that i DON’T think is necessary for every trans person, and HRT isn’t always easy to get. but changing a name, getting a new haircut, dressing differently, binding, etc. counts as transitioning. you don’t have to hate your body to be trans, but wanting to alter it in order to better connect your internal identity with your presentation, i think is necessary in order to consider yourself to be trans. 

i will admit i am confused by “GNC trans men” i see on tumblr and insta, who use he/him pronouns but exclusively present femininely. i’m not talking about trans guys who don’t yet pass, i mean trans guys who don’t want to. i don’t harbor any ill will, i’m just confused. if i understand being trans to mean “wanting what you see on the outside to match how you feel on the inside”, you can see how. doesn’t that make you feel dysphoric? don’t you want people who see you to read you as male? how is your life different from when you didn’t identify as male but presented the same way? this isn’t me trying to gatekeep on who’s “trans enough”, and especially when it comes to nonbinary identities it’s arbitrary to harp on presentation like this. but like, what’s going on here?

taking a turn here that will come back around, an extremely key component to why i identify as and with men is my sexuality. i have always idolized, envied, and evoked various queer icons from media and real life. the hunky, grunting, macho, hetero version of “man” never appealed to me the way that the fashionable, artsy, flirty, homo version of “man” did. drag queens, my mom’s hairdresser, glam rock stars, i could go on. associating my more feminine qualities with GAY stereotypes instead of FEMALE stereotypes suddenly made more sense, and made me feel less dysphoric. it’s also something that took me a long time to realize, because i had surrounded myself with queers who were mostly attracted to women. transmascs and butch lesbians historically have a lot in common, but personally, i didn’t relate as much to lesbians as i did to drag queens. in dating and loving men, i developed my understanding of them. but my attraction to men was why it had taken me so long to realize i felt more like a man-- i thought i was just some weird straight girl.

now, am i calling these “GNC gay trans men” with long pink hair and poofy skirts and conventionally attractive bisexual boyfriends “weird straight girls”? ...well, not to their faces. but i have to admit that i’m thinking it. these people would never go to a predominantly-male gay bar, these people would never be harassed on the street. i’m not saying i know someone’s identity better than they do, but i don’t agree with the liberal utopian ideal of “let everyone do whatever they want as long as they aren’t hurting anyone” when taken to mean that we can’t question other people’s choices. “why do you feel like a man?” is a question that, coming from another trans person, isn’t inherently transphobic. it’s not “forcing” someone to “prove” their “transness”, no one “owes” me an explanation of their identity. i’m just confused. i don’t disapprove of the way these people live their lives, i just want to know why.

a straight girl being feminine is different from a gay man being feminine, because it has less to do with personality and more to do with society’s historic view of gay men as closer to female than male because of the loving and fucking men aspect. an AMAB gay man wearing makeup and a crop top probably just wants to look good, but he is also signaling to other men that he’s gay via gender non-conformance. by being AFAB and female-passing, wearing makeup and a crop top is not GNC. in fact it’s pretty GC, and gay men will not recognize you as a gay man.

it’s easy to say “gender is fake so do whatever you want”, but like, we have to acknowledge reality. time is a social construct too, but we still use days of the week when talking to each other. strangers will treat you differently depending on what gender they interpret you as. different people will be willing to date you or not. you have to choose which public bathroom to go in. if being misgendered doesn’t bother these people, then who cares? but if it DOES, which it usually does, wouldn’t you want to take steps to prevent being misgendered in the future? if your desire to present femininely is stronger then your desire to be seen as male, then like... why call yourself a male at all? ultimately nothing these people do will really affect me in any way. it just makes me wonder if these people will eventually go on to present as male, or if they will later ID as nonbinary or even cis. i encourage people trying out different labels and exploring their identity, so it’s not like i think these people SHOULDN’T identify as trans guys. it’s more like, i wish they were able to articulate WHY they identify as trans more than “because i said so”. not wanting to be a woman doesn’t automatically make you a man, it just makes you not a woman.

maybe i’m particularly cynical because of the MULTIPLE times that people with larger online followings who identify and present this way have later turned out to be lying, manipulative people. hopefully it goes without saying that i do NOT think that everyone who identifies and presents this way is a toxic liar. the reason i bring it up is because some people genuinely can’t understand the possibility or purpose of misleadingly claiming a marginalized identity, but it can and does happen. an analogy could be made here about white people claiming indigenous heritage. we all WANT to believe what people say about themselves, and asking for “proof” is a social no-no. but we shouldn’t just... automatically trust everything someone says about themselves, right? and as bad as i WANT to live in a world where gender doesn’t matter and everyone default uses neutral pronouns and there are no divisions in clothing stores and bathrooms, we don’t live in that world (yet). when you are AFAB, /extremely/ femininely presenting, and have little to no plans of transitioning, saying “i am a man” will not make other people see you as one. and if you don’t want to be seen as a man, then maybe you aren’t one.

[herkiss-theriot]

Lol I know absolutely no one asked but here I am, arbitrarily ranking Kid Krow songs because this is a music blog now apparently and it’s my favorite album so far this year. Feel free to shoot me an ask for any elaboration or other opinions lol. Sorry for the long post. I would add a keep reading but I’m on mobile and the mobile app is somehow worse than the website. I’m also not tagging this so if this gets notes it’s not my fault. Also I’m editing the post em to say that I think this whole album is amazing and it pains me not giving every album a 10/10 bc they’re all so good

Comfort Crowd - 11/10

One of the best album intros I’ve heard compared to other albums I like. It means a lot to me and is overall a really easy song to listen to in basically any mood but is a great pick me up I think it also has one of my favorite lines on the album “you say through a sigh that I said that line already”

Wish You Were Sober - 8/10

A fun song to listen, has some solid lines. Not very relatable in my experiences but that’s also not the point lol. Favorite line(s): “knees weak, but you talk pretty fly, wow” “gettin’ good start saying gotta bounce”

Maniac - 8/10

One word titles are always fun but also -2 for some ableist language. Ik that’s not always at the top of Woke Cultures to do list but it’s a real problem and provides for some cringe vernacular choices sometimes. Overall it’s a pretty good song and is definitely one of the best on the album that’s playable even outside of the album/to people who arent into Conan. Conan apparently describes it as an “upbeat bedroom pop banger” according to genius which I guess, yeah, but what a way to describe a song. Favorite line: “we had magic, but you made it tragic”

(Online Love) - 9/10

First interlude if the album which is very exciting. Very cool idea to say that he thinks this love could be more if it were in person which translates well into current scenarios. Has a really cool guitar pattern and a nice ending. -1 bc it’s 30 seconds long favorite line: “I can’t help but imagine what maybe could’ve happened if we weren’t just an online love”

Checkmate - 10/10

Ik this was released pre-Kid Krow but god it’s one of his best songs and I’m so glad it made it on the album. It’s just got such a good energy about it and I always love chess analogies. And Ik Kid Krow Isnt a concept album by any means but I love the story arc going on of finally catching on. Favorite line(s) “cry me a river till you drown in the lake” “holding your hand but in the other one, baby I’m holding a loaded gun”

(I wrote parts for the cut that always bleeds and fight or flight and then accidentally deleted them so rip me sorry if they’re a lil short/less in depth)

The Cut That Always Bleeds - 8/10

It’s overall a great song and is really emotional but -2 bc I ugly cry to this song and get asked if I’m okay a lot lol favorite lines: “I don’t love you anymore” a pretty line that I adore”

“Can’t life another minute bleeding from my back cause I don’t have another one for you to stab”

Fight or Flight - 11/10

What a song. There’s not a lot I can say other than that it’s literally one of the greatest songs I’ve ever heard. It’s got some of the most genius song writing that I’ve heard on an album in a while. Also when I was learning to drive with my Nana i had a playlist that would go from Comfort Crowd to Fight or Flight which is an experience I recommend everyone have at least once in their life. My only criticism of this song is that it’s perception of cheating is a lil Disney-channel-esque” which maybe doesn’t make sense and also I’m fairly certain that he writes from personal experience and who am I to say he can’t write what he wants lmao.Favorite line(s) “id rather lie than tell you I’m in love with you” (one of my favorite lines EVER) “they also didn’t know that our lover loved us both.

Affluenza - 7/10

A fun song but is kind of a lot in my opinion and seems vaguely out of touch. However I do agree with the overall sentiment of eating the rich (also if you’re a trinkets fan I think this is a good song for an Elodie playlist or maybe even Tabitha depending on the perspective.) although I will say it’s a really good take on the idea of affluenza as a concept. favorite line “give me none of your affluenza”

(Can We Be Friends) - 6/10

Ik it’s an interlude so it’s kind of the point but definitely a skip most of the time even though I think the line “if anybody fucks with you I’ll knock their teeth out” gods hard. I just think one minute is a really weird time frame for a song. Sub one minute is just short enough to want more and 1:30 and perfectly acceptable for a song but one minute is v awkward

Heather - 10/10

Not amount elaboration would ever be able to perfectly encapsulates how gorgeous the idea of this song is. This idea that you wish you wish you could be someone else because you feel that this other person is otherworldly and is more deserving of the person you love. That feeling is gut wrenching. Favorite line “why would you ever kiss me, I’m not even half as pretty”

Little League - 5/10

I’m so sorry it’s just such a skip. I don’t know why but I can’t listen to this song. It reminds me of a big time rush song for some reason which isn’t a bad thing but every time I try to listen to it I think about how I think it’s a btr copy 😭 also when I do listen to it makes me cry a lot and yearning for a youth that I let waste away and I hate feeling actual feelings so minus points for that. Favorite line “when we were younger we wore our hearts out on our sleeve, why did we ever have to leave? Little league” I think it’s my favorite bc it can be interpreted in a couple of ways and I’m too tired to get into it rn

The Story - 10/10

Simple. Beautiful. One of the first Conan songs I heard. My friend was a huge Conan fan and so I listened to a couple songs like generation why and crush culture but she saw him in concert b4 kid Krow was released and took a video of The Story and I absolutely fell in love. The first time I heard it I sobbed. This idea of paralleling a bunch of failed loves and friendships in order to justify why you think yours will work is so cool and I love it a lot. Favorite line “I’m afraid that’s just the way the world works but I think that it could work for you and me.

[bitchin-b33]

Pride Art

I’m trans, and I’m bisexual. It’s been a long journey discovering who I was, and how I fit into places I once thought I didn’t. I’ll be the first to admit that my journey to find myself was a very rocky road filled with questions, confusion, and a general sense of feeling I had to rebuild who I thought I was after finding out things that overrode my sense of identity before.  I first found out I was bisexual when I was playing a game, and someone said something about being a lesbian. I was a small bean and didn’t know what that was, and so I asked (I had no impulse control back then) and the girl told me. I then realized I had liked girls before, and more than in a friend sort of way, more in the way I had seen my dad and mom acted, in love. I started questioning myself, but the thing was that I had also liked boys like that too. I was so confused and lost, I thought I had to choose one. Like boys, or like girls. I thought I couldn’t like both until another girl (Or I assume girl, they had a female avatar) said something about being bi, and again I was confused about what that meant. And she told me, and then everything clicked into place. I wasn’t confused anymore, and I realized I didn’t have to chose to like only boys or girls. I could find love with both, and it made me happy no matter how much it shook my world. I was twelve at the time.  Then sometime later I started... developing. At first, I was okay with the changes, I had wanted them in the past. But soon, that all changed as I slowly started yearning more and more for what the boys at school looked like. I wished I could be more like them, but I stuffed it down and chalked it up to me always being a tomboy (although I had once heard about intersex people and people who were thought to be a girl before puberty and then come to find out they were a boy. I wished that would happen to me all the time, so it wasn’t out of place. I had always wanted to be a boy, I thought it was normal.) though less than two years later I found Kalvin Garrah, Sam Collins, and other various trans youtubers. When they talked about their identities I couldn’t help but feel connected to them on some level. Then, I started questioning but I had very little dysphoria that would barely act up and so I thought maybe I was NB, but that didn’t work. Then I thought I might be Genderfluid bc it seemed my dysphoria waned (And tbh, it still does, but I’ve heard it does that with a lot of people sooooo) and I kept trying to come up with other things it could be. I didn’t want to admit I might be trans, I was scared. I came up with the worst reasoning I could have.  “I like pink and girly things.’

“I wanted to look like this, and I got what I wanted.” On and on, until I couldn’t take it anymore. It was eating me inside out until I told a friend and she started talking to me. She was all but unaccepting, she took my hand and stride in stride we figured out my identity together. I have so many thanks I need to give her for helping me how she did. I came out to my dad, who was accepting. Though I was still young by most standards, and he wanted me to think it through. Know what I was getting into so I wouldn’t regret it just in case it was a phase. So I tried to forget. I drowned it out again, and it got worse and worse. I eventually told him again and that I had made a decision. He’s still slighting in a “denial” as I call it. (He accepts and supports me, but he doesn’t really understand.) So I’ve been out ever since then, and I couldn’t be happier. I look how I want to, I might be able to talk my dad into letting me go on T, and a bunch of people knows who I am. (Not everyone, but I plan on making sure that changes.)  So since my art has closely been tied into my identity, I made a pride piece. It’s a bunch of personified pride flags, and while it took a while of explaining to even get to the art, I want to finally be proud of my identity. Even if it hurts to be trans, and even if I’m not as proud of it as others as I wish more than anything to be cis (Either by my birth gender or by the gender I am.) I would have always been apart of the LGBT+ community, and I wouldn’t want that to change for the world. I have met so many good friends out of support groups, fan groups, and just being an LGBT+ online presence (More on amino though) and I love each and every one of them. So this piece is to show my thanks to the community for being here and never standing down for our rights to be ourselves. I can only assume many more good things are in store for me, and this piece represents that. I thank all of you, and I hope you’ve had a happy pride month!

[encoresencores]

girl crush (part 3)

But none of the many objects of my adolescent (and then teenage) obsessions were quite so untouchable as Celeste. With her, it was different — I didn’t long desperately to be her friend, but was content with gazing up, from a distance, to the pedestal I had set her upon.

I never knew her personally; I only knew of her, and that was enough. In school she was one of the lead Chinese dancers, and at every Chinese New Year or Teacher’s Day (or whatever uninspired drag of a special occasion’s) performance, the curtains rose on her standing front and centre. When the other girls filed off into the wings, she would emerge from the riff-raff, upstage in the spotlight, regal and delicately arranged like a flower as she remained on stage waiting to begin her solo; the calefare having dutifully made way for their star. Everyone knew who she was. She was Ding Laoshi, the Chinese dance instructor’s, favourite; I once heard from a friend that Ding Laoshi referred to her as “小公主” - little princess - and it was obvious why. When she danced, in her long graceful lines and winsome smile was a dramatic air of triumph and tragedy combined, femininity glorified and yet reproached. She was all vulnerable charm and earnest strength. I could never tear my eyes away from her when she was onstage.

Offstage, she was steeped in a mist of mystery.

But first, a description: she was tall and lithe, with a long neck and expressive fingers, no curves to speak of. A golden-brown, sharp-jawed face with full lips and fierce, dark eyebrows; large almond eyes that were challenging and secretive at the same time; long lifted cheeks that gave her face a sense of yearning openness. To this day, I am still of the opinion that no one’s features came together as alluringly, as perfectly exotically, as hers did (which I suppose already explains my untiring fascination — as you might know, I am too easily mesmerised by all things beautiful).

In real life, she carried herself in a self-conscious, tentative manner that made her seem more fragile than her strong limbs and powerful technique on stage betrayed; her shoulders were slightly hunched, accentuating jutting collarbones, and her hands always carefully held in front of her body (I knew this from passing by her in the corridors, or spotting her from afar in the canteen). On Instagram, for she was one of those people who lived their lives on Instagram, she regularly posted dimly-lit close-ups of herself looking vacantly into the camera, lips parted so a flash of white teeth showed through, and captioned these photos with melancholy and cryptic poetry. She was too thin, and her gaze a tad too raw, to be considered sexy — but she was endlessly sensual.

She was not just a talented dancer, but also a gifted artist. A painter and sketcher, one of her favourite canvases was herself — she experimented with wild lipstick colours and stunning, deftly-blended eyeshadow creations that would not have looked out of place on a runway. She was equally bold and varied with her fashion choices: from heavy maxi skirts and boots (in Singapore weather!) paired with skimpy tank tops, to baggy men’s shirts and oversized pants and aviators, to clashing colours and unyielding eclecticism of pattern layered unabashedly on pattern, to slinky evening gowns fit for a red carpet, to girlish blogshop chic… she pulled it all off seamlessly. Her style was the sum of all styles, her great skill that of metamorphosis. A chameleon of a girl, flitting from one look to another.

Fittingly, these artistic inclinations were accompanied by failing grades in math and science. Even her name suited her perfectly. Celeste - elegant, ethereal, poetic. Unique but not blatantly so. Anything else would have been too coarse, too common, trying too hard. But not everything about her was so deeply-passionate and dramatic: like any other teenage girl (here is a reminder that we were merely sixteen at the time), she posted cheery OOTDs, and food photos, and group snaps where she was grinning so wide that her eyes were tiny and all her teeth showed — those were my favourite photos, the ones where she looked gloriously happy. Tortured artist perhaps, but there was joy in her life, I was sure. This only served to further my obsession. I marvelled at how such a pensive, complex being could also be so purely exuberant and vital — it was precisely this polarity that mesmerised me. The capacity for feeling that she appeared to possess (deep plunges into depression, lofty heights of euphoria) was too far removed from my own petty anxieties and common joys for comprehension; she eluded understanding. I wondered how she had grown into this identity, what thoughts went through her mind, how much of what I saw was real. Her entire personality seemed like a dream.

I’m well aware that I’m manic pixie dream girl-ing her from start to finish; even back then I knew very well that the Celeste-construction in my head was merely my selective interpretation of what she projected to the world. But I reasoned that it was harmless, since it was all in my head. What makes me feel more guilty, is that I know the current, 2020 Celeste would likely be horrified if she ever stumbled across this. Her and her great struggle with being looked at and evaluated, her impassioned revolts against the unforgiving bounds of beauty. What violation would she feel if she saw me picking her apart, analysing her younger self in such excruciating detail? (On the other hand… perhaps the exhibitionist in her would enjoy the attention. I don’t know - I never properly knew her and I still don’t.) Now I recognise that she struggled intensely back then with body image and self-esteem and mental health in general — but at the time I knew only to be entranced, not empathetic.  

When I step back and look at it, actually, it’s strange the manner in which I viewed her. Because in a school as small as ours, I had many friends who knew her personally. I mean, we were in the same damn school — she wasn’t that far off at all. Also, it wasn’t precisely a secret that I thought she was cool, because she was sure to come up in rabid gossip sessions; she was considered “high profile” in our school, and in my defence, I wasn’t the only one who pondered and speculated about her life and her relationships (she briefly dated a boy in our level, a well-muscled good-looking jock-type, who was as obscenely rich and distastefully boyish as one could get — it perplexed me how someone like her could be attracted to someone like him — but that’s a story for another time).

A friend, Gina, once interrupted me when I mentioned Celeste’s unblemished complexion (while bemoaning my own persistent outbreaks) — “Celeste? No way. Her skin is quite bad leh.” Gina, always flippant and unabashed, and who was a classmate of Celeste’s, seemed keen to correct me. “She has a lot of pimples on her forehead. But in photos you can’t tell because of the concealer.” I took this in for a second, with brief wonderment. With just that, she had inched closer to reality.

The last degree of separation between us dissipated come year 1 of junior college, when we ended up in the same H1 Chinese class. It was a small class, only 7 students, all of us having had failed our Chinese O-Levels (haha). She sat at one side of the classroom with her classmates, and I sat at the other with mine. Our two groups didn’t mix, and there was no need to. No one really listened or participated in class anyway. It was H1 Chinese. By that time I was no longer as enamoured of her as I’d previously been, but it was still a thrill to be in the same room, to listen to her reply Chen Laoshi (a grumbling man of retirement age, balding and constantly sweating or complaining about the school management) in stilted mandarin when called upon. Her voice was husky, sounding like it did in the acoustic covers she posted online (by then she had added singing to her repertoire of talents).

One lesson, Chen Laoshi, exasperated by our unresponsiveness, shuffled us around and made us discuss a news article. I ended up paired with Celeste — we exchanged awkward smiles before going about perusing the passage in silence. All of a sudden, I felt distinctly embarrassed to be in her presence. I became conscious of how the waistband of my skirt dug into my stomach, and how my blouse was sack-like and sloppy, and the way baby hairs sprung straight upwards from my hairline no matter how I tried to pin them down. I squirmed internally considering the unattractive largeness of my round, sweaty face next to her fine-boned features. She was, and I was sure of it in that instant, too pretty not to be cruel. But when she finally spoke (in English) to ask me what the last sentence of the article meant — her voice, though American-accented, had an undoubtedly Singaporean accent. She had seemed so beyond my ken, but when the words “lah” and “leh” came out of her mouth, I was shocked to realise that somehow she was just another girl. Illusion dispelled — I gathered myself, and replied that I thought it was trying to say that, despite seeming advances in Singapore’s conservation practices, there was still a long way to go before the nation as a whole really embraced the spirit of sustainability.  

(this is so fucking long I’m dying omg kjfhafhalsf I have no idea how to end this. how did what I intended to be a brief character sketch turn into such a sprawling mess…. but still posting it NOW bc I just want to be done with it lmao. TO BE EDITED/COMPLETED, mayhaps)

(27.01.20)

[succorcreek]

Teenager Donald Trump or Lizard People Alien. Which is it??? Teenager Donald Trump or Lizard People Alien. Which is it??? Wow these traits apply to all 3!! See in the topic cloud below: donald trump age-17 regressed boy From BBC and spelling errors are actually Brit spellings:http://bbc.in/2xTcz9y Millennials may be the worlds most hated generation at the moment. But is disdain towards youth a new dynamic? By delving into the archives we found that older people have been griping about young people for more than 2000 years. Far more surprising is that throughout the centuries their criticisms have been remarkably similar. From complaints that the next generation are both too cautious and yet downright dangerous too worried about the world and at the same time too self-absorbed to care here are some of our favourites. Theyre lazy Millennials are lazy and think basic tasks are beneath them. A generation with a huge sense of entitlement Daily Mail 2017 Many [young people] were so pampered nowadays that they had forgotten that there was such a thing as walking and they made automatically for the buses unless they did something the future for walking was very poor indeed. Scottish Rights of Way: More Young People Should Use Them Falkirk Herald 1951 self-obsessed Theyre out-of-touch hipsters who spend too much on coffee and too little on facial hair care. Many are spoiled entitled or both. A Bosss Guide to Managing Bratty Millennials Momzette 2016 Whither are the manly vigour and athletic appearance of our forefathers flown? Can these be their legitimate heirs? Surely no; a race of effeminate self-admiring emaciated fribbles can never have descended in a direct line from the heroes of Potiers and Agincourt... Letter in Town and Country magazine republished in Paris Fashion: A Cultural History 1771 ...and really just awful. The tragic truth is that Americas millennials are a bunch of phone-addicted selfie-obsessed hashtagging snapchatting kale-munching twerking lazy whining ill-informed politically correct cossetted narcissists who find absolutely everything mortally offensive and believe there are 165 ways to sexually identify. Memo to millennials that awful feeling youve got is called losing Daily Mail 2016 We defy anyone who goes about with his eyes open to deny that there is as never before an attitude on the part of young folk which is best described as grossly thoughtless rude and utterly selfish. The Conduct of Young People Hull Daily Mail 1925 (Credit: Getty Images) Artistotle contemplating the know-it-all youth of his day (Credit: Getty Images) They think they know best My huge generalities touch on their insistence that they are right despite the overwhelming proof that suggests they are not Bret Easton Ellis in Generation Wuss Vanity Fair 2014 They think they know everything and are always quite sure about it. Rhetoric Aristotle 4th Century BC But theyre also too cautious. Millennials have been called the most cautious generation the first to grow up with car seats and bike helmets the first not allowed to walk to school or go to the playground alone. There really isnt anything magical about it: Why more millennials are avoiding sex Washington Post 2016 Its an irony but so many of us are a cautious nervous conservative crew that some of the elders who five years ago feared that we might come trooping home full of foreign radical ideas are now afraid that the opposite might be too true and that we could be lacking some of the old American gambling spirit and enterprise. The Care and Handling of a Heritage: One of the scared-rabbit generation reassures wild-eyed elders about future Life 1950 And yet too confident. Many of the millennials in today's workforce have more confidence than they do competence. Millennials: Their overconfidence at work can look delusional Irish Independent 2017 [Young people] are high-minded because they have not yet been humbled by life nor have they experienced the force of circumstances. Rhetoric Aristotle 4th Century BC (Credit: Getty Images) Millennials are defined by their flighty entitled approach to work or is that just young people in general? (Credit: Getty Images) Their expectations are too high. The prevailing narrative about members of Generation Y is that they are a fleet of job-hoppers who think they're above the grunt work of an entry-level position; in other words not the most desirable employees. The 40-hour weeks I think its slowly killing you Irish Independent 2017 The traditional yearning for a benevolent employer who can provide a job for life also seems to be on the wane In particular they want to avoid low-level jobs that arent keeping them intellectually challenged. Meet Generation X Financial Times 1995 Really they just complain too much. Whether its jobs property or just the sheer towering unfairness of the world millennial complainants are everywhere ready to give you a rundown of everything their generation has been stiffed on. In the way that we once had The Greatest Generation we now have The Whiniest Generation. But really the only place theyve been short-changed compared to us Xers or even the Boomers is property. Crybaby millennials need to stop whinging and work hard like the rest of us The Telegraph 2015 What really distinguishes this generation from those before it is that it's the first generation in American history to live so well and complain so bitterly about it. The Boring Twenties Washington Post 1993 They spend way too much money which is bad. When I was trying to buy my first home I wasn't buying smashed avocado for $19 and four coffees at $4 each. We're at a point now where the expectations of younger people are very very high. They want to eat out every day they want travel to Europe every year. Australian mogul Tim Gurner on 60 Minutes Australia 2017 The beardless youth does not foresee what is useful squandering his money. Horace 1st Century BC But theyre not buying houses also bad. Somebody is buying houses in the United States but it sure isnt millennials. Just ask their parents. Theyll be the ones worrying in the kitchen about whether their little darlings will ever leave. Millennials arent buying homes right now: What if they never do? The Guardian 2016 We want to get married but there is nowhere we can set up a house of our own. It is either a case of waiting goodness knows how long and we've waited all the war or going to live with Mary's mother. How often is a similar remark heard in those days for it is the problem that young people all over the country have to face. Thousands of young fellows have come home from the war intent on setting up a home with the girl of their heart only to find that there are no homes to be had Many men of course have not waited for houses but have got married and gone into rooms or to live with relatives but neither course can be considered very satisfactory. Nowhere to Set Up House Dundee Courier 1920 They want to live like adolescents forever. As more millennials delay moving out of their parents' home getting a job and are paying their own bills the age of adulthood has been pushed back. One expert suggests that millennials stay children for so long because they have been coddled by their parents and have had things 'too good'. Will they ever grow up? Daily Mail 2017 A few [35-year-old friends] just now are leaving their parents nest. Many friends are getting married or having a baby for the first time. They arent switching occupations because they have finally landed a meaningful career perhaps after a decade of hopscotching jobs in search of an identity. Theyre doing the kinds of things our society used to expect from 25-year-olds. Not Ready for Middle Age at 35 Wall Street Journal 1984 Modern technology has made them useless at decision-making The endless choices millennials face have also proven paralyzing. Theyre the constantly-swiping-right generation. Its always on to the next thing. They cant even: Why millennials are the anxious generation New York Post 2016 They have trouble making decisions. They would rather hike in the Himalayas than climb a corporate ladder. They have few heroes no anthems no style to call their own. They crave entertainment but their attention span is as short as one zap of a TV dial. Proceeding with Caution Time 2001 as well as impossibly self-absorbed. Mythology of Narcissus: entranced with his own image in a reflection: Who is entranced by their own glory and aura? Narcissus? Donald Trump? Teenagers and adults as with age regression? . Lost in Me Myself I and My Things: Emory University English professor Mark Bauerlein demonstrates how the internet is making young people increasingly ignorant about almost everything except online video games and the narcissism of self-authored internet content The more skilled kids become in using the tools of the digital revolution he demonstrates the more ignorant they become about the objective world around them. Digitally Addicted Kids Threaten to Return Civilisation to the Dark Ages The Independent 2008 Cinemas and motor cars were blamed for a flagging interest among young people in present-day politics by ex-Provost JK Rutherford [He] said he had been told by people in different political parties that it was almost impossible to get an audience for political meetings. There were of course many distractions such as the cinema Young People and Politics Kirkintilloch Herald 1938 Psychopaths Pirates Vampires and more: Run flee tell others! 300 topics on this listed below in the Cloud Archive: Click Here: Catalog of 100 Books Kindle Hypnosis Binaural Subliminal CDs culture of narcissism and psychopathy Donald Trump narcissistic personality disorder entranced narcissism narcissus self-absorbed trump aura and glory #trumpbully #stopbully #trumpmentalhealth http://bit.ly/2rZ1vSp

Teenager Donald Trum