#Jeng is a gay man

[respectthepetty]

WAIT!!! I’m sure I’ve missed this. But is Jeng actively hiding he is gay ? like was that the issue with his Ex?

Oh no, would he make Pat hide them like Put did?

Anon, I didn't think he was actively hiding that he is gay, but the conversation he had with Put (and his dad earlier in the series) makes it seems like Jeng can't be out in every part of his life due to his career.

"But I'm so tired of having to wear a mask for the sake of society" [episode 4]

Let's work backwards:

The entire interaction with his ex was awkward as it should be, but Jeng looked for Allon's friends, then for Pat. They both stated they were surprised to see the other. Is this the ex from two years ago? [episode 8]

Because he looked at Pat greet Jeng in a knowing way, like he had been Pat. [episode 8]

Put stated that someone who is as famous as Jeng ISN'T ABLE to be out. This implies that Jeng must be closeted due to the level of his family's fame. [episode 8]

And Put and Jeng know each other from other business projects, so he is familiar with Jeng's celebrity status. [episode 2]

Tae telling Jeng to stop being afraid of what people will think. [episode 8]

Jaab was very upset that Jeng might have taken Pat out to eat. Some people thought it was because of what is happening to Jaab and Jen, and Jaab mentioned "it wasn't professional" but what if it's deeper than that since professional = family business? [episode 7]

When Pat looked up Jeng, all the articles were about how he is the rich, handsome, successful, and available heir to a massive conglomerate. [episode 4]

Which is something Put threw in Jeng's face when they were at the aquarium. Put told Jeng he was rich, handsome, talented, and born at the finish line, and it was reinforced at the dinner later on. [episode 5]

Pat found it suspicious that Jeng, the head of a digital marketing department, did not have social media. [episode 4]

And that wild coworker, stated that Jeng is mysterious when Chot said Jeng wasn't known for being a player.

Does Jeng have to stay closeted?

This is how the dad looked at Pat when he emerged in Jeng's clothes after spending the night. The mom is looking at the dad because she knows he is displeased. [episode 3]

This is what Jeng said about his uncle. [episode 4]

And remember this layered conversation Jeng had with his dad? The dad told Jeng he was needed to rebrand the company, but he was irritated about "things beyond his control." Jeng asked him what he was getting at, and he ended the conversation stating he was "still [Jeng's] dad" but it wasn't affectionate. [episode 5]

Jeng made several faces during that infamous meeting about BL actors, but the only statement he made was to draw up the contracts. [episode 5]

We are watching a BL, so everyone is gay until proven otherwise, but that was where we messed up. This show is still based in reality, and that meeting about BL actors showed us that. We messed up assuming Jeng was out-ish, but what if he isn't?

We have no idea what was the actual issue with his ex or if this ex was even a factor two years ago. We have no idea why Put and Pat broke up two years ago, and Pat fled to America where his dad is a chef.

But Pat's dad is visiting next week, and I'm praying we get some answers because Pat being shook that Jeng is gay has us all shook, and now I'm rethinking Jeng's character.

[gaym3bo1]

HORRIBLE HORRIBLE SHOW HORRIBLE HORRIBLE EPISODE

[wen-kexing-apologist]

WKA Gay Analysis Assembly

Hello! Welcome to my blog, please note I am unhinged about my silly little gay shows and as evidence I give you an exhaustive list of all the analysis posts (and some non-analysis posts) I have written :)

I will be updating this post as I write more, and the most recent show I am watching/writing about will be listed first. Please know my DMs and my Inbox are always open!

By, For, and About Queers (The By, For, and About Queers posts are not about any particular show, and are instead a little write up of the way I categorize the BL shows that I am watching)

By/For/About- Part 1 (a conversation with @absolutebl)

By/For/About- Part 2 (a conversation with @solitaryandwandering) Also check out the really lovely response from @solitaryandwandering here

Toxic and Messy: TharnType v. Only Friends (aka We Trust Jojo) (a conversation with @absolutebl and @respectthepetty)

The Sign

Feelings Made Visible: Design Choices in The Sign

Fantasy v. Reality in The Sign

Last Twilight

Episode 1 Thoughts (in which I state my fears that were later realized)

Reflections in Last Twilight (Episode 1-2)

Physical Touch in Last Twilight (Episodes 1-3)

Thoughts on Last Twilight, Ep. 5 (aka when I still thought the show was good)

Last Twilight, Ep 12 (in which I rant about the ableism in the narrative and the undermining of the show's themes)

Shadow

Shadow thoughts

The Left Hand of God

Is Brother Anurak the One Armed Man?

What Happened to Trin? aka Paying Attention to my Favorite Straight Boy

I Feel You Linger in the Air

Let's Talk About Sex: ESSAY #69!!! (breakdown of the sex scene in IFYLITA Episode 8)

Only Friends Academic Essay Series

Only Friends, Boston, and Queer Culture

Only Friends and Respectable Promiscuity

Only Friends, Racism, and the Commodification of Queer Asians Everything else

Ray and Rehab

Boston the Slut

Hypocrisy

Who is Mew, Anyway?

You're Mine No Matter What: The Commodification of Sand

Explosions (fight night round two, Ep. 6)

Fight Night (scene breakdown of the fight in Episode 5)[Sand Addition by @ranchthoughts]

Poor Boy (a discussion on the beloved Poor Boy t-shirt)

Watch The Warp Effect before Only Friends

Misunderstanding Top? (a conversation with @respectthepetty)

What the Fuck is Boeing Doing Here?

Only Friends Reflection

My Ride

Rain, BL Boys, and Reciprocity

My Ride Finale

Be My Favorite (how did I get here, I wasn't planning on watching this!)

Permanence in BMF (in conversation with @stuffnonsenseandotherthings)

Lack of Touch in BMF (in conversation with @wanderlust-in-my-soul and @dropthedemiurge)

Cupid's Last Wish 1. Trans Allegory in Cupid's Last Wish (in partnership with @so-much-yet-to-learn and @lurkingshan)

La Pluie

The Language of Love In La Pluie Ep. 8

Ep. 8 Stray Thoughts

Hands in Ep. 7

Hands in Ep. 6

Subversion (a conversation with @lurkingshan)

Pee Peerawich Can Fucking Act

Connection

Body Language in La Pluie Ep. 12

Step by Step

On the Subject of Pat 2.0- A Defense

On the Subject of Pat- A Timeline (a conversation with @waitmyturtles)

Totally Normal About Episode 7

Lighting in Ep 9 (a conversation with @istanchan)

Going Out- Sharing Space with the Unhoused

Compartmentalizing

Workplace Homophobia and Relationship Development Between Pat and Jeng

Our Skyy 2

OS2 x The Eclipse - Characterization

OS2 x BB x ATOTS- Phupa and Queerness aka Damn You WMT (that's right! Damn you, @waitmyturtles!)

OS2 x BB x ATOTS- Validation! aka Phupa and Queerness- Part 2 (and a shout out to @lurkingshan and @waitmyturtles for writing such brilliant meta I almost...almost didn't have to write one myself)

Pat, Pran, Losing Parental Relationships, and Sex (a conversation with @shortpplfedup)

Our Dining Table

Silence (including conversation with @laowen)

Yutaka and Yukata

Bed Friend

True Colors? (a conversation with @dribs-and-drabbles and @respectthepetty)

Uea and Red

Reflections + Uea and Yellow

Uea and Gray (a conversation with @respectthepetty) Uea and Gray but this time not tacked on to RTP's post

Mommy Dearest 2.0

Uea's Episode 7 Costumes

Bed Friend and Reflections- Part 1

Bed Friend and Reflections- Part 2

Bed Friend and Reflections- Part 3 (this is my favorite of the parts)

Water, Songkran, and KingUea

Moonlight Chicken

Heart Confrontation Scene

Heart and Li Ming Colors and Stripes

Red, Wen, and Blue

Naming the Deaf Character Heart

Heart's Communication

Wen's Badge Parallel

Modern Thai Sign Language to American Sign Language Index

Heart's Vocalization

Mommy Dearest (Jam and Li MIng)

Isn't it Difficult to Be Born Poor?

Moonlight Chicken is for the Queers

Resolution

Heart's Signs Translated (this one is not mine, but I don't want to lose this post so I am placing it here)

Best Criers in MLC

Worst Parallel

Utsukushii Kare

Self-Deprecation Harms Everyone

Our Flag Means Death

Over-analyzing the Color Red

Silk as Symbolism for Ed's Heart

[shortpplfedup]

In continuing to go down the brain spiral inspired by episode 10, and focusing again on every damn scene, I'm brought to note that Pat and Jeng getting down in Pat's bedroom is actually NOT shot from inside the closet as posited by @wen-kexing-apologist and @bengiyo but is a reflection in Pat's mirror.

And that made me realize that...Pat doesn't have a closet. We see when Pat is getting ready for his Ikea non-date with Jeng that his clothes are on a rack. Pat. Doesn't. Have. A. Closet.

Jeng however...Jeng's closet is a MASSIVE walk in. It is a comfortable room with seating and space enough to exercise. Jeng could LIVE in that closet.

The show really told us Pat is an out gay man with no need for the closet, and Jeng has created a comfortable and expansive closeted life.

I'll leave the mirror thoughts for now, but imma circle back to that.

[waitmyturtles]

TW: probably unpopular opinions on Step By Step’s filmmaking!

I’ve had an insane work week so far, so I don’t have the largest amount of time to write an analysis of Step By Step, episode 8, and I’m already late in watching it anyway. But I will largely point everyone in the direction of @lurkingshan’s EXCELLENT analysis of Jeng’s reaction to Pat’s reaction that Jeng is gay (and to @neuroticbookworm’s post-Shan analysis of their prediction of the road ahead, which I subscribe to). 

I’m also late in watching this because I allowed myself the spoilers yesterday, and was admittedly frustrated to learn that the payoff of this episode is that Pat learns about Jeng’s preferences... in an episode that’s over an hour. It’s a very unpopular opinion I have! The editing and some of the writing of this show suck. I’m gonna repeat myself -- I would prefer crisper writing and dialogue. But I am still in favor of the deep focus on Pat and his mindset. It’s just that in some moments (like in the second restaurant), he’ll disappear and we won’t get feedback on that disappearance until MUCH later. (And forget about Jaab and Jen, I’m leaving that alone for this analysis. The show definitely had the time to examine that more in an hourlong+ episode, but didn’t.)

ANYWAY. Citing @bengiyo‘s and @ginnymoonbeam‘s conversation about Pat’s radar -- I want to build off of @bengiyo‘s comment for a moment, on something I realized when Jeng was with Tae, when Jeng got the text message from Pat that the restaurant crawl was on. Something I realized when Tae was asking Jeng about Pat’s intentions is that:

For Jeng, WORK IS LIFE. We’re spending a lot of time, and the show spends a lot of time, dealing with the boss-to-subordinate conflict. BUT. I would argue that Jeng’s whole world is work. The man is LITERALLY WORKING TWO JOBS, TWO HIGH-LEVEL, EXECUTIVE LEADERSHIP JOBS. Man’s insane. 

I give Pat the gigantic benefit of the doubt that he “could” or “should” have known Jeng’s preferences intentions. (@lurkingshan, @bengiyo, and @ginnymoonbeam all know that before seeing the episode, I did state incredulity that Pat DIDN’T know this, so I recant before you all!)

BECAUSE: what PAT is seeing in front of himself, vis à vis Jeng, is a man that is WORKING ALL THE TIME. So I think Pat’s radar is off, in my opinion, because he can ONLY see Jeng as a boss and a leader, and would not allow himself to cross the boss-subordinate boundaries, even in settings where they are “working” on Jeng’s “other” job, because Jeng is a boss in that other space as well. 

And while Jeng doesn’t see this as “working,” Pat certainly does. 

I mean, I’ve tried to get glasses of wine with some former bosses of mine, just to create intimacy and get to know them out of office spaces, and like, all we talk about is work. Some people can’t relax and separate. I get that.

I think Pat ASSUMED Jeng was like that, because in doing social activities, it seems, from Pat’s perspective, that Jeng is still working -- and for that restaurant crawl, he totally is! And Tae knew to call that out and maybe tease Jeng for being a little delulu, which, accurate. 

So I write this, now not in criticism of Pat’s radar, but in grudging support of it, and I say grudging because I do not think the editing of the show is supporting the slow burn anymore. Unpopular opinion, I know. I think this show is doing Pat dirty. I believe the payoff will be good. But the show is dragging and not giving us enough by way of internal communication on Pat’s part to demonstrate intriguing development that grabs me. 

But we get a confession next week. Let’s see how long it’ll take to get there. 

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Dog Days of BL but July is Incoming

June 2023 Wk 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Step By Step (Tues WeTV & Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - I’m finding the time frames confusing. Still, a lovely crying kiss + a very high drama-lllama gay confession. Kitchen counter make out, my fav! The actor who plays Jeng kisses at MaxTul levels, which is to say = like a man who has actually done it before with genuine desire and is capable of portraying that on screen. (What makes MaxTul kings is that they BOTH do this.) Pat caught up, thank goodness. Also P’Jeng!!!! P’JENG!!! I love how intimate phi is when it’s been all khun prior. This is the Thai version of hyung slinging. Errotic linguistics, my fav. And ALL the work drama and homophobia fall out when you sleep with the boss. I really enjoy that the angst concerning their relationship has to do with the fact that this is an office romance. Lastly? I love Chot so much. Everyone needs a gay auntie. Also Bruce is SO DAMN GOOD. (I mean we knew he would be from Lovely Writer, but this... chef’s kiss.) 

La Pluie (Sat iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - There are enough meta-analysis on this one for me not to have to weigh in. Suffice it to say that I like what it’s trying to do, and I certainly appreciate the levels of consent and so forth but I’m not sure I actually like it as much now that we are swimming in high concept. Too much lying. I’m not sure I want my BL to make me think this hard. Also poly, boys = final answer. (Anyone else getting Color Rush flashbacks?) 

Be My Favorite (Fri YouTube) ep 6 of 12 - I love Max now and forever, and I made some very bad puns in the Trash watch here. Otherwise I’m not super invested. 

Dinosaur Love (Thai Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 eps - from Ultimate Troop (The Yearbook people) so I shouldn’t watch this as it airs, after Remember Me? I swore never again. But there’s so little on right now, I’m falling on the pulp sword...  My initial thoughts? It’s an En of Love installment? What is going on? Why all this opening with the sides in a bar? Are we framing? Just move on to the 2 boys kissing! Don’t try to be clever, for fucks sake. Okay, good, the pulp has begun. I like soft wet-blanket Rak and his sad love life. I’m not wild about how aggressive Dino is plus insta-SINGING but I DO LIKE THAT HE’S OUT and knows what he wants which is refreshing. It’s trope filled nonsense (crash into me, instalove, sing feelings, floppy drunk, he’s in engineering, fast and bi-curious) also Dino used ter at first (how forward!) then he went to gu/mueng after rejection, while Rak uses khun & phi/pom. Love this for them. Despite my justified reservations with this production team imma stay watching. I need something on Sundays. * 

Luminous Solution (Sat Gaga) ep 6fin - That’s it? Bullsheiit. No seriously. That’s my review. 3/10 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I JUST WATCHED AND NEITHER DOES IT AND I’M MAD ABOUT IT.

* I got to say, you have only yourselves to blame for Dinosaur Love’s ranking. Once upon a time, I lived happily in ignorance of the Thai film industry. And then you all kept asking me extremely intelligent questions about it. And because I am a nosy little shit, I had to figure out what was going on. And now a BL like this, which ordinarily I would just love unconditionally, is a really scary place for me, because I know too much about the production house. The evils of too much information are all true. Remain happily in ignorance, I advise you, especially where BL is concerned. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love Tractor (Korea Weds iQIYI) eps 7-8fin - Yechan is such a frank character it confuses all who meet him, also a truly terrible flirt. This is such a puppy/cat relationship. It was cute but it went too far into cringe for a KBL (for me). I don’t think Kdramas are good at farce (sorry), better if they stick with more subtle humor. It was a sweet ending tho, not too cheesy. Nice kiss for KBL but pretty rather than sexy. Full review below.

Tokyo in April is... AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 3 of 8 - Oh, it’s GREAT. Damn it. There is a lot of subtext and things not being said. This is going to be one of those shows where it’s endlessly frustrating that they don’t just talk to each other. The crying first time was gut-wrenching. Ren is complicated & scarred & closed off. Kazuma is earnest & empathetic & thinks he’s unworthy - so will take whatever crumbs are handed to him. They are both giving parts of themselves away in a desperate attempt to shape themselves to the expectations they have of each other. These 2 are gonna fuck each other up while they fuck and fuck with our hearts. Japan is giving us the Bed Friends that Thailand can never even imagine. There is absolutely no guarantee this will end happily (it’s from the Eternal Yesterday people) but it is guaranteed to be painful and beautiful along the way. Oh Japan, must you? I guess you must. 

Stupid Genius (Vietnam Fri YouTube) ep 4 of 6 - I’m mostly confused by the catfishing & tarot side plots. But the mains sure act like bfs. To the point of our tiny jock idiot getting gay panicked by how much bfs they are. Surprise kiss! For everyone, it turns out. Yes I laughed. What? It was pat but also… FUNNY.

Tie The Knot (Pinoy YouTube) ep 3 of 8 - The main couple is adorable, but I’m not wild about the gay bashing blackmail side story. Still, it’s the best we’ve had from the Philippines in a while so I am keeping my fingers crossed. 

Vian the series (Vietnam YouTube ) ep 9 of 12 - Seriously? Bah Vinh = chemistry with EVERYONE. 

Naked Dinner AKA Zenra Meshi (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 12fin - So Souta just disappears off to Singapore and doesn’t say anything to his boyfriend about it? And then comes back with the perfect plan and life for both of them? Oh Japan, must you? Review below. 

It’s airing but ...

House of Stars (Thai Mon iQIYI) 12 eps - I bounced at ep 3. Will binge if told it is worth it at end.

Stay (Pinoy YouTube) 7 eps - It’s mostly English & set in LA (shudder) so I’m not bothering.

Ever After (Pinoy YouTube) 12 eps - Spies reported that it's a real mess and not a hot one.

Stay With Me ... NO I WILL NOT! And you can’t make me. 

In case you missed it

BL Express reviewed The Egoest. Oh boy am I never going to watch that. 

One in a Hundred - Gaga dropped all 12 episodes (c.10 min ea) at once. This is a 2020 Chinese show. It’s not BL. And it has a laugh track. I watched the first & final eps and won’t bother with the rest. DNF

I finally watched the 2022 thing I should have. 

To Sir, With Love - REVIEW

This is a true lakorn with scenery chewing performances from an ensemble cast focused on family obligation and past sins, especially from the mother characters. It is a Thai tellenovella + Gone With the Wind but gay. That said? I loved it: A glorious central brother relationship (the best, made me cry), het romances, class divide + gay *gasp* main romance, the camp of it all! It’s like it was invented by drag queens. Arranged marriage, rebellion, cut sleeves, dramatic death with curses and regrets, beautiful if inaccurate costumes, secrets unraveling, cover ups, sparkle murder, sex herbs, coils within coils including snakes and death by glitter (is anything gayer on this earth?). It’s a WILD ride. It’s not BL. It’s not a romance, it’s a family drama Thorn Birds style but it does end happy for our gay boys. Like Manner of Death I’m struggling to rate something on a BL scale when it patently isn’t a BL. I think I have to give it exactly what I gave that show, 7/10 

I loved it, but not as a BL. 

RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS (over its BLness) 

Zenra Meshi - REVIEW

AKA Naked Dinner 

I have to be honest, I didn’t really like much about this show. The central premise was too odd and the main character too clumsy & slow on the uptake. I like the food, but there have been food-set BLs before that failed to meet expectations. Too many of them. This one joined that throng. Good ending tho. 7/10 

RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS

Love Tractor - REVIEW

Most of this country-set BL had me feral for the beautiful broken city boy and his hot young farmer. Hyung romance, puppy/cat pairing, open frankness meets jaded reserve, language play, water hose frolicking, only one bed, all my favorite tropes. This show was basically a light-weight Restart After Come Back Home and I’m not even slightly mad about that. 

But (and you knew there was a “but” coming) something about the cringe of the final 2 eps and the impermanence of the ending (both of which highlight the fact that ultimately these 2 are I’ll-suited: too different & too far apart) left me with the feeling that they probably won’t last as a couple. However, in this case, rare for me, I forgive it this finale for my love of the rest. 

I did dither a lot though, it’s not an 8 but not a 9 either. Better than Love Mate (8/10) not as good as The New Employee (9/10) but in the end I’m value adding up for the premise and the cast, giving it a 9/10. 

RECOMMENDED 

(Gotta say, because this is rare for me, that this had a great OST. Not the credit music but the refrain, Rainbow.) 

Next Week Looks Like This:

July 2023 Supposedly... 

7/3 Be Mine SuperStar (Thai Mon Viki) 12 eps - JaFirst whipping boy/spoiled prince, obsession, celebrity/mundane. Third-year film student Punn (Ja) gets an internship on the set of a drama. He’s come to learn, but "what lights his passion even more than the work" is leading man Achi, Thailand's sweetheart. Adapted from the novel “The Superstar and the Puppy on Set” (พี่พระเอกกับเด็กหมาในกอง) by Orpheus, cast includes Benjamin Brasier (2moons2), Bosston Suphadach (UWMA), Jo Kavinpat (War of Y), Kokliang (TharnType). Directed by David Bigander (Bite Me) which makes me nervous. Maybe he'll do better with an adaptation?

7/6 Minato's Laundromat Season 2 AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Japan Thu ????) 12 eps - The story is a continuation of Minato & Shin's love story, and it picks up 10 years after the events of season 1 but the characters don't seemed to have grown at all. Very Japan of you, Japan.

7/7 Stay By My Side (Taiwan Fri Gaga) 10 eps -  Gu Bu-Xia has the ability to hear ghosts, except when he is around his new roommate Jiang Chi. So he starts to find ways to approach Jiang Chi. But is it  the ghosts or Jiang Chi’s charm?

7/8 Low Frequency (Thai Sat YouTube?) 8 eps - ghost boyfriend, celebrity/mundane - Mon's life as a spirit-seeing interior decorator is full of headaches. On good days, he helps settle problems for his relative, who is a star manager. But then he gets involved with the spirit of Thames, a famous young actor who is in a coma.

7/9 Hidden Agenda (Thai Sun GMMTV YouTube) 12 eps - JoonDunk are back. Zo, a college freshman whose never been in love, decides to change it by making the college’s star Nita as his gf. He approaches Joke, Nita’s ex, for dating advice. What he fails to realize is that Joke has had his eyes on him for a long time and uses this opportunity to approach Zo. TMS 2.0.

7/15 Laws of Attraction (Thai Sat ????)  Stars the pair from To Sir With Love and with the same production team, cryptic description, but it seems to be Manner of Death esk.

7/19 Wedding Plan (Thai Wed YouTube & iQIYI)  - It's Mame and she's coming for our GL. She's such a misogynist IMAGINE what we will get with a GL? It's going to be absolute carnage. To crane your neck as you drive by the car wreck or not... that is the question. Me? I'm wallowing in the guts.

7/20 Jun & Jun (Korea Thu Viki) - From 2022 (TutorYim rumored to cameo) this office romance features 2, yes 2! Bls. Seme looks aggressive, we in classic yaoi territory. There is an idol involved. Past failed flirts. I am very excited about this one.

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

To Sir With Love

Best execution of the piggyback trope ever? I think so. 

Fucking GENIUS piece of acting. Bruce we LOVE you! 

All Step By Step 

It was stupid funny, okay? (Stupid Genius) 

Ridiculous man, you don’t have to eye fuck THAT hard. But we all appreciate it. (Vian) 

Dangerous thing to say in a show about identity in relationships. 

Brave boy.

I said this show was deep, not that I was. Although Patts seems to be going there. 

I’ll stop now.

All La Pluie. 

(Last week.)

[iguessitsjustme]

So last week I had some thoughts on Jeng and how he might have responded to Pat asking if he liked men so heartbreakingly because he can and does pass as a straight man. This week, episode 10, while I loved and adored the episode, Jeng felt a little off to me. That’s not to say that I think it was out of character for him, but it felt like Jeng wasn’t entirely himself. He let himself get lost in Pat and their relationship and I spent the better part of the night and this morning trying to figure out why. A lot of other people have shared their thoughts on Jeng this episode, but I’m going to approach it as an addition to my thoughts from last week.

I will start off with the one thing I’m sad we didn’t get and I think this episode didn’t do well and that is Jeng’s reaction to Pat’s confession. From the 9 episodes we had previously, Jeng should have been holding his breath (either literally or figuratively), he should have been staring at Pat with anxious longing even as Pat broke down and cried in his arms. We should have seen Jeng’s face right after Pat admitted that he liked him back. At this point, Jeng has had one major breakdown and is just kind of running on fumes from Pat’s initial rejection. Jeng is operating under the belief that Pat sees them as coworkers. Jeng telling Pat “It makes sense to me” did not get a response, so Jeng has no reason to believe that Pat is feeling any differently that how he felt during the rejection. So we should have seen Jeng realize that it’s reciprocated. Jeng has had blinders on when it came to Pat and Pat’s confessions should have visibly ripped them away.

That said, everything after the confession, including Jeng’s undeniably reckless behavior in regards to their relationship, makes sense. First of all, those two not only love each other, but are intensely sexually attracted to each other. It makes sense that they couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. Plus that’s just a thing that happens during the honeymoon phase in a lot of relationships. It might seem weird because we don’t get that a lot in BL, but it happens. They are both consenting adults and they both want each other. Desperately. Now imagine being Jeng, who has been pining for god knows how long after Pat. Jeng, who has held himself back for so many reasons, finally letting himself cross those boundaries he worked so hard to maintain. At this point, the boundaries have been crossed so what’s the point of restraining any further? (I mean there’s a million reasons why but Jeng can only think that he is finally, finally with Pat and damn the consequences.)

I think Jeng knows though. He knows that at some point, the other shoe is going to drop and he isn’t ready for it. When the cracks start to show, he starts to hold on even tighter to the little bit of happiness he finally managed to carve out for himself. A place where he’s allowed to be completely and totally himself. A place where he is able to be an out gay man and the people around him understand that. The people around him and Pat are all Pat’s friends and family, and because of that Jeng is perceived as attracted to men. He’s not being seen as the straight boss. The friend who’s just a really good ally. He is Jeng. He is attracted to Pat. And he doesn’t have to explain that to anyone. But when gossip at work starts to spread, Jeng does what he shouldn’t do and he ignores it. If he acknowledges it then the new relationship bubble he’s been in with Pat that offers security, safety, and happiness will burst. Then Pat does the unthinkable and tries to talk about the very real and pressing issues that are affecting him (this was the incredibly mature thing to do and I honestly think that Pat is the most mature and communicative character in the show when it comes to his relationships but that’s another post and this is, yet again, about Jeng). Jeng does his best to keep Pat from popping that bubble. Those issues aren’t real and can’t affect them if he doesn’t think of them. What Jeng doesn’t know is the extent of the bullying Pat is facing at work as a result of it. People at work are judging Pat for their relationship but saying nothing about Jeng, so of course it hasn’t come back to Jeng just how bad it is. Pat isn’t going to mention the awful things being said especially after Jeng shut down the conversation that Pat needed to have.

So Pat leaves. I don’t think Jeng expected that outcome because Pat is so communicative. But he didn’t leave Pat much of a choice. And here Jeng is, his greatest fear happening. The other shoe dropped and now he has to face the world that he wasn’t ready to face. He has to face the office that bullied Pat into resigning. He has to face his father who is expecting him to take over the company and live the life laid out for him. Jeng lost himself in his bubble because he knew what would happen when it was gone. He knew when the bubble burst, he might be forced back into letting the world think he’s straight. Jeng let himself enjoy his relationship and acted like a teenager in love because he probably hasn’t had a relationship where he could do that before. Jeng has had rigid expectations placed on him for his whole life and it was different when he was with Pat.

So now that Pat’s gone, those expectations come rushing back and now if he wants Pat back, he is going to need to fight for it. And he is going to need to fight for it as Jeng, the rigid boss. Jeng, the good son. Jeng that his father can use and let people see him as straight. But Jeng is out of that closet now. The bubble has burst and Jeng doesn’t want to go back. He wants his young love. He wants Pat. So he needs to find a balance between the Jeng that was pining and the Jeng that was in a relationship with Pat. Without that balance, he can never get Pat back. He lost Pat by doing the same thing Put did. He wasn’t listening. He had a good reason not to listen (he was terrified of what facing those obstacles meant and he was finally allowing himself to be selfish and be with Pat) but having a good reason doesn’t stop the outcome and doesn’t mean that Pat’s needs weren’t ignored. Episode 11 is going to be painful but Pat and especially Jeng need to get through it in order to find the balance in their relationship.

This kind of got away from me by tldr is I think Jeng makes sense. I don’t agree with how he handled a lot of things this episode but it makes sense to me. I think we’ll get the more adult, mature Jeng back going forward because he allowed himself that selfishness and lost Pat because of it and one thing this show has been excellent at is letting the characters learn from their mistakes and not repeat them.

[poetry-protest-pornography]

Jeng and Pat: *go on a day-long date*

Jeng: *gently confesses he wants to be Pat's boyfriend, but will settle for just being a friend and taking care of him, and won't ask anything more from him*

Pat: *sees Jeng hug another man, gets visibly jealous, awkwardly asks about Jeng's "friend"*

Jeng: "That's my ex, actually"

Pat: "Mr Jeng, you're gay?!"

Jeng, confused: "Um, yes? Was I too subtle?"

Pat: *panics at the realization that he could actually have Jeng, and flees*

[bengiyo]

Step By Step Ep 8 Stray Thoughts

Last week on HR Violations, Pat and Put started dating again, but immediately ran into trouble when Pat didn’t have as cute a time making ramen for Put as he did for Jeng. They wrapped up this advertisement shoot, and had Jeng crush one of the managers for being a terror on set. Put ended up feeling like he was on the outs with Pat multiple times, and is definitely aware that something is going on with Jeng and Pat. Chot was our hero as always, and kept anyone from doing anything untoward while Pat was especially drunk, but it didn’t stop Pat from flirting hard with Jeng. Jeng is barely holding on to any sense of decorum with Pat. Meanwhile, Jaab is quite upset with Jen, and has been putting distance between them.

Did Put just say “I love you” like he was activating a trap card? BRO

I think this is very adult of Pat. He knows that he can’t reunite with Put the way either of them wants, and is putting an end to it. Even here, Put is showing why it won’t work. It doesn’t matter if Pat is into someone else now. Put has no rights over that.

Even if he’s playing a difficult character here, by love for Up Poompat is unchanging.

Chot remains my favorite.

LET’S DISCUSS THIS BROWN SUIT ON JENG. This man wears suits so well. I love that the blue in his tie is lighter than his shirt.

We’re using the side couple pretty decently here. Pat and Put are handling their breakup as professionally as possible. Meanwhile, Jaab and Jen are beefing on set.

Lol, never mind about Put. He’s intentionally sowing discord between Pat and Jeng now. Threatening to out Jeng if he moves on Pat is low.

Ae is so funny. “I want my baby to look like Pat. Not you.”

I’m glad Pat’s friends made him realize he cancelled a date.

Not Jeng having a sad, drunk dinner!

No, Jeng! Don’t give up on Pat yet!

Jeng’s friend called him right out on his crush on Pat.

Oh hey we get Jeng in a towel. That’s right, sir. You better look cute for your not-date.

I’m going to need to write a whole separate post about food ordering comparing this not-date with the dinner date from La Pluie Episode 4.

My man Jeng is going to lose it.

This man had them rearrange a whole section of the damn restaurant for him!

Jeng don’t talk about work on your not-date!

If they had to have anyone crash on their not-date, they’re lucky it’s Chot.

I love Chot so much. I also get mad when these kids make me run after them.

Well if it isn’t Oishii keeping the lights on in BL once more.

Pat is going to kill this man with all of these flirty allusions. I’m gonna need Pat to give this man something else to choke on before this show ends…

I did not know I needed Jeng’s internal monologue, but this has been an absolute joy this episode.

Pat having a mini-breakdown because he saw Put’s pictures is so real.

My man Jen is imagining scenarios on his date. Valid.

Okay, Ben didn’t have to bite on that straw like that…

What is this goddamn speakeasy Jeng took him to!?!

You know Jeng must be sprung over Pat because you not getting my clumsy ass on the dance floor.

Does everyone know about this bar??

Oh, Pat. Just like a gay to be crying on the dance floor of a secret gay club.

That was such a gentle confession from Jeng, and I don't even know if Pat really processed it.

Jeng has a hot ex and he's the damn tailor from The Tuxedo!!

Not Pat and Jaab both vomiting in the bathroom.

Oh, Pat, I totally understand you, baby boy.

I totally get Pat not reading Jeng before this moment. When you're gay and have a crush on someone you know you're not supposed to, you learn to ignore the wishfulness rising in you. I'm so excited to see how he handles the reality that Jeng has been flirting with him for months.

[chicademartinica]

Me screaming and hanging from the ceiling upside down like a bat : PAT PHAKPHUM my good good sis you are in a secret queer bar where your gay boss and his queer brother go get trashed ! See how no one bats an eye at you slow dancing with that man ? Jane also knows the bar ? Jeng meets his gay ex in the bar ?? THE BISEXUAL LIGHTING BAR ?

[neuroticbookworm]

Step by Step Episode 8 Ramblings

Episode 7 Ramblings, here

Put is not even gonna let Pat say his piece? 2 minutes in and I'm already burning mad

"I haven't taken you for granted like before"

"I know, you've been really good to me" Oh Pat, you pathalogical people pleaser

I continue being impressed by this show showcasing how adults do and should handle relationships and everything that comes with it. This must be one of the most realistic breakup scenes in BLs. And it is done without compromising the emotions of the characters. Hats off, really

Jane is wearing two layers of pink. Our resident Tumblr color demon @respectthepetty has taught us that pink = love, so good to know that his feelings has remained unchanged or even intensified from last when we saw him

My god, Khun Jeng looks so fineeeeeeeee

And he's wearing a dark blue shirt underneath his neutral brown jacket. While Pat is in a dark blue cardigan. Interesting

Ohhhhhhh wow Jane is pissed and Jaab is too. The cat fight between these two is gonna be hilarious

Put, you insufferable snake, ya dumped. Stop misrepresenting facts

Jeng, how the fuck did you know? Are you really THAT perceptive?

Oh man, that is the worst takeaway you can ever have from a failed relationship

*jaw dropped* Oh Jeng is going for the jugular. Oh he's done playing games, he wants to fight

Oooooooooof. Put, you manipulative bastard

Oh it's still not over. Oh they're still going, holy shit, this is intense

Is that a threat, about coming out? Seriously, what the fuck

I CAN'T WAIT to read all the body language analyses y'all are gonna write on that scene. Woah, that really was something

Ae and Beam are here!

Well, Ae looks like a goddess, as usual. What else is new?

I love this scene and the commentary that comes with it. Keep your noses out of pregnant people's business, for fuck's sake! How hard is it to have some basic decency?

I love that Tae is calling out how quickly Jeng's mood changes from brooding to giddy and vice versa in this conversation.

We have a new stuffie. The shark is out and the tiger is in. YES I SEE IT AND I LOVE IT

Oh I'm sooo ready for this non-date date. I want the sweet, sweet fluff to drown me. Gimme all the blushing, all the eye contact, all the accidental brushing of fingers, GIVE IT TO ME

OH MY GOD, he planned the whole thing. He had people move chairs out of the way for aesthetics. This complete bitch (affectionate)

GUYS, THE FLIRTING, I know I said I can handle it, but this is too adorable ^^

Jeng just hung up on his brother in a flash, not even waiting for him to respond? Oh that's cold

Oh shit, Pat is drunk, again, Here come the truth bombs

Damn, Man Trisanu is nailing this. He is acting his ass off to show how restless Jeng feels before every almost-confession

This slowburn is gonna kill us all, honestly

Oh we are dancing, oh it's so gloriously awkward, oh make it stop

Jaab, my beloved, I've missed your melodrama. You look like a divorced sugar baby who won half the riches in the settlement, I love it

Jeng tells Pat he can be just a safe space for him, while Pat is sobbing on his shoulder about his ex. All while Jeng has been trying the whole day to confess his own feelings for Pat. Every atom of this man is a green flag, I swear

These drunk disaster gays, I love them so much

Pat, sweetie, no. Please, you must be joking. Don't tell me you didn't know, DON'T TELL ME YOU ARE THAT OBLIVIOUS!

Okay, now Pat has to rethink each and every one of their interactions to see if he has ever misled Jeng, or if Jeng has ever crossed his boundaries. And then recalibrate his feelings with this new information. Yeah, this could take a while.

I'm leaning more and more towards the possibility of a second season, or even a special episode, after the show ends. Because there is no way they can fit all the domesticity these characters deserve within the next couple of episodes.

Ahhhh I can't believe the slowburn is still not over. I love it and I hate it and I'm pretty sure this show has turned me into a sadomasochist.

[respectthepetty]

JENG IS A GAY MAN!

I fully believe, Jeng (a fictional character), would have gone along with Pat's theory that Allon was a friend IF Pat hadn't then pointed to himself and clumped himself into the friends group.

Because that's what pushed Jeng to set the record straight gay.

He thought about it, inhaled, then confessed it.

But even though Pat thinks he is joking, he still clings to Jeng, and leans his head against his chest.

So I think Jeng is also frustrated as he realizes that Pat is just this way and not flirting.

Which leads to the full admission.

This head nod will go in the box under my bed with the softest "no" ever whispered, The love I have for you, doesn't it give you courage? Courage to love a man like me?, and I've been trying to seduce you.

And I think that conversation about who dumps versus who gets dumped struck a cord with Jeng. Perhaps because two years ago, his guy dumped him because he couldn't be out, so he left the company and the country? He made a face after Pat said that like he FELT it.

Jeng is a gay man, and just like me, he was slightly insulted Pat would think he is hetero. Jeng, too, has had his heart broken, and I want to know why Put broke up with Pat the first time, and why Allon and Jeng ended. Was it just because Put took him for granted? Will they repeat their mistakes here? Put's vague threat to Jeng of being closeted could mean that he was actually in the same boat we all assume Put and Pat were in, and that much like Put, Jeng picked his career over coming out.

Interesting.

[shouldiusemyname]

Well I watched episode 8 of step by step, and let me tell you something, I was having emotions. So many emotions... Probably because I insisted on rewatching all the eps this week tbh. (Just a quick warning - this has no linear thread as I am as overwhelmed as poor Jeng 🥹)

First of all Put -

you are one manipulative manipulating person you are. You have been pushing buttons since the beginning telling Pat that you're afraid of being rejected because Pat is now able to say no. Then, the baby shark. Then, saying I love you like that?!

As for his conversations with Jeng - they are the best translated conversations in this show. Jeng is trying so hard to outbitch Put, bless him, but Put is crushing his tiny Pat loving heart.

Now, Jeng. Poor Jeng. I love that he is a gay man, with an ex from a different country. This makes so much sense now! Him running away 2 years ago, leaving the company, going to america. This need to run away is very relatable (especially with frequent visits abroad). I really have no idea if his father knows he's gay, and I can't figure out if Put implying that his reputation will suffer if he comes out, freaks him out because it's a gay relationship or a boss/subordinate relationship. However, Put has managed to shake him.

I said it before about this show, and I'll say it again, I love that this show gives us queers being confident in their identity. All of them are so comfortable being who they are, and it's just heartwarming to watch. As for Jeng, he knows what he wants, he knows that Pat is gay (thank you annoying co-worker), and he is very much in love with him. He's trying so hard to send all the signals, but Pat is trying so hard to ignore his attraction and feeling that he just can't see it. So his insecurities are based on the fact that Pat doesn't look at him the way he looks at Pat.

I loved their taxi ride with Jeng trying soooo hard not to put his arm around Pat. I think it was 4 times that he lifts his arm and settles on resting his elbow on the back rest. He is holding back so much that my muscles are hurting.

I don't know about you guys, but I shed some tears this ep. I was an emotional mess for both Pat and Jeng, and I can't wait to see Pat's freakout next week.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

I Am Perfectly Normal About Step by Step Episode 7

Sighs. 

Dear readers, I do not have time for this. I have trainings to make, I have shows to catch up on, I have practice to go to. But alas

Here I am 

Once again 

Overanalyzing the fuck out of the body language in my silly little gay Thai shows. 

Because the BODY LANGUAGE in this episode??????????? HELLO?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!

GOD! Jeng and Pat’s interactions are putting worms in my brain. ALRIGHT, LET’S BEGIN

First off: 

Jeng 

When Jaab calls Jeng to accuse him of secretly dating Pat, Jeng immediately starts closing himself off, because he may not currently be secretly dating Pat, but Jeng is head over heels obsessed with Pat already and is trying to hide his feelings, from his brother and from himself by placing his arm across his chest and slouching to hide himself a little better. But of course, he is incapable of truly hiding his feelings for Pat because his whole apartment is BLUE which is Pat’s color. 

And Jeng is nervous, like he knows that he has feelings for Pat, and now he knows that his feelings are obvious enough to his baby brother who is friends with his crush and if his brother knows, then who else knows? Jeng is constantly moving in this scene, he is folding and then unfolding his arms, he is turning forward and then backward, he is pacing!!

When Jeng gets the news from Jaab that Pat is dating someone, his back is turned to the camera. He is facing Pat’s color, but he is in the final stages of trying to hide his feelings by giving the audience nothing but the nervous scratching of his neck to read. 

Until he sinks under the weight of the news that Pat is taken, at which point he sits down on his desk and then his nervous energy is transferred to his fingers, which are fidgeting as he considers whether or not to ask Jaab “Who is Pat seeing?”

Edit: peace, love, and my firstborn to @respectthepetty who has granted me a gif of Mr. Fidget

But he freezes, only shifting the grip he has on his phone while he waits for Jaab’s answer. After Jaab replies Jeng is constantly moving some part of his body: his arm, and then his torso as he takes a deep breath, and then his head as he looks down. 

Jeng, Pat, Put Round One: 

It does not take long for Jeng to figure out who the secret boyfriend is, because Jeng is totally platonically interested in Pat’s life, Jeng is in fact ~completely normal~ about this man. Jeng certainly would never see Put’s wallet, after already having one subtle “he’d not interested in you anymore” at the aquarium with Put, and immediately put the pieces together.

gif from @earthpirapat

Nor would he spend his work hours sulking because he sees Put and Pat flirting with each other...

gif from @earthpirapat

And he 100% most definitely would not need to be physically pulled away from Pat by his brother, because seeing Pat and Put together has made Jeng forget all workplace decorum, and Jeng, who has been unaware of how far over the line he has actually crossed with Pat over the last few episode, is now no longer capable of hiding his intentions while in a workplace setting. 

Especially not when he is wearing a light blue button up shirt, because he’s trying to be neutral but his feelings for Pat are still seeping through. 

This is less a body language note, and more a body placement note, but Pat is positionally closer to Jeng than he is to Put in this scene. 

Put and Pat

With the flirting we get between Put and Pat during the interview, we can see how they might work together as a couple. There is some illusion at least of playfulness and familiarity, they are feeling strongly enough towards each other that they aren’t capable of being 100% professional during that shoot (and neither is Jeng) because he’s too busy looking like a kicked puppy. 

But when we return to Pat’s home, where he and Put are sharing a meal, suddenly the vibe is very different. 

The lighting is dark and white and cold, with a hint of warmth from the lamp in the corner behind Pat, Pat who spends the first part of the meal smiley and trying to engage Put in conversation. But Put is too busy on his phone to pay much attention. In fact, for the entire time that Put and Pat are eating together they do not make eye contact. Only after Pat says that he is full and tries to leave the table, does Put meet his eye. 

This is starkly different than when Pat and Jeng are in the kitchen together: 

gif from @smittenskitten

Here the lighting is bright and warm, golden and more natural in feeling, and Jeng and Pat dedicate too much time to eye contact. Drawn to one another, rather than trying to pick up a connection that was lost years ago. 

The incompatibility continues when Pat has his breakdown on the commercial set. We saw in the earlier dinner scene that Pat is sensitive and that Put, like Jeng, is capable of hurting Pat’s feelings. However, Put only comforts Pat when he himself has made an inappropriate/slightly mean comment about the noodles Pat made, knowing that he fucked up. When the going gets tough, and Pat succumbs to intentional external aggression from Chris’ mom, only Chot reaches out to comfort Pat.

Put won’t even look Pat in the eye. 

Pat runs off to have a #hotgirlmeltdown behind a trailer and Jeng shows up. And this is where I start to go feral, because the HANDS the BODY LANGUAGE the way Jeng is constantly trying to keep himself in check. The way he starts to reach out to take Pat’s wrist, and then immediately pulls his arm back, because he knows that is not an appropriate touch between a boss and an employee. Between Yutaka’s split second reach for Minoru’s hand and Jeng’s split second reach for Pat’s hand I am being personally victimized by the gay yearning of fictional Asian men. 

gif by @pharawee

Jeng looks at Pat approximately a thousand times, trying to figure out what to do, his body making all these little movements like he keeps considering whether or not he should touch Pat, if he can comfort Pat, how he can comfort Pat. 

And Pat leaves him no choice, Pat and Jeng are hidden behind a trailer away from the eyes of the rest of the office, and Pat is too distraught to be thinking about appropriate workplace decorum, and instead seeks comfort from a person who he has feelings for, who has made him feel valued, and supported, and listened to in a way that no one else really has. 

gif from @pharawee

And again, the body language, especially from Man is exquisite here. Jeng is stiff, he doesn’t initially relax into the hug, again his brain catches up to his heart, and he starts to reach out to complete the hug, to touch Pat’s shoulder or arm, and again he stops himself. Jeng’s initial response to this hug is handled in such a way that someone walking by would not read the encounter as romantic. The first few moments of this hug are truly just Pat needing comfort, and his boss being the only person around.

But as Pat continues to cry, Jeng gives in. He finally touches Pat and the second that he completes the hug, the second that his hand makes contact with Pat’s arm, it’s over. There is no more plausible deniability. This is an extremely unprofessional hug, this is a “oh no the boy I like is sad and I must comfort him” hug. Because Jeng makes contact with Pat’s arm and then leans his head down to rest his chin on Pat’s head. 

gif from @pharawee

And it does not leave until Pat finally calms down and breaks the hug. 

So, here’s the thing, it’s not entirely Put’s fault. Like, when Put is being attentive to Pat it seems to go well (the tickling scene from earlier) but his priority is work, and his priority has always been work. Put can’t be seen getting too comfortable with people, on set Put can’t really engage in the behaviors a boyfriend would, Put is still at the will of his manager. But Put left Pat last time in part to pursue a career, and those same things that pulled them apart last time have not gone away. 

Whether Pat realizes it at the moment (and I don’t think he does) getting back together with Put is a last ditch, desperate attempt to try to channel his feelings for Jeng somewhere else. At one point he used to love Put, at one point he and Put seemed to really work together, he can have fun with Put, he and Put know each other, Put is more comfortable with his sexuality now. It could be easy, it could be easy to forget his feelings for Jeng, it could be easy to find the feelings he once had for Put. 

But…

And to Put’s credit, he is extremely forgiving and patient, he says they can take it slow. The whole time they were interspersing teasing with kissing with talking Put and Pat are constantly touching each other, stroking their thumb along a shoulder, running their fingers through each other’s hair. They are comforting touches, they are familiar touches. They are touches that Pat can’t get from Jeng. 

But it doesn’t feel the same, and they both know it, and where Put seems willing to give it time, I think there is a part of him that knows this is not going to work out. Pat is too in love with Jeng. I want to shout out the post by @chicademartinica because it analyzes the use of barriers as a way of showing that Put is trapped outside of Pat’s world. 

So Pat goes to the party, and he drinks and he drinks, and he drinks, and he drinks because it is easier to get drunk and forget that he can’t ignore his feelings for Jeng, and so that he could, as @shortpplfedup so aptly identified in conversation, have some deniability. 

Pat goes to the party and before long he is sitting next to Jeng. Because Pat is also not able to control himself as much as he should. To my mind, Pat is his usual amount of light hearted tease with Jeng, making digs at his breakdown, trying to rope Jeng in to singing karaoke with him, etc. but Jeng, who is at least a glass of wine in, if not more, is uh…much much much more obvious then he usually is. 

Listen, I know what you are all going to say when you read the next sentence, but you know what I mean. Man is a physicality beast. He is an expert in knowing where and how to place macro and micro expressions. He knows when Jeng is supposed to read awkward and stiff, he knows when Jeng is supposed to read comfortable and relaxed. I am struck, watching this couch scene, by how many times Jeng looks out the corner of his eye in Pat’s direction without ever turning his head to face him, when Pat leans in to suggest they sing karaoke together. 

When he turns to face Pat, he is only able to keep his eyes on him for a second at a time, he keeps turning his head almost 180* in the opposite direction every few seconds, changing his body position, smiling, Jeng literally cannot help himself. He’s already had to rein himself in once, almost making a comment about Pat that would not have been work appropriate. 

Pat gets drunker, Pat in fact gets obviously drunker, but we aren’t really certain where Jeng lies in his inebriation levels. Which is fun because that means we get to decide if he is looking at Pat and saying “I will still be there” SO SINCERELY because he is also buzzed/tipsy/drunk and therefore no longer fast enough to stop his mouth. Or if he is deciding to be bold because he knows that Pat and Put are together and he wants to show Pat he is interested. Or if he thinks that Pat will have a repeat of last time, and blackout and not remember everything that Jeng has said. 

It is harder to tell on Jeng than on Pat, but I am pretty sure that Jeng’s cheeks are at least a little flushed, and let’s be real 

gif from @junghaesin

This man is under the influence. Of what? Alcohol? Love? Doesn’t matter, Jeng has gone full Heart Eyes, Motherfucker at the work function. Rest in peace to everyone, and especially Chot who is going to have to deal with their stupid, sorry, gay asses. 

Pat continues to drink, and then, OOP: 

gif from @smittenskitten

Jeng has an excuse to take Pat’s wrist, plausible deniability “I was trying to stop him from drinking more” but honey, that hand stays on the wrist for way longer than #justcoworkers should touch. 

And then Pat chugs the rest of it, and Jeng tries to stop him, and he freezes and for just a second, Pat’s wrist once again passes across Jeng’s fingertips. This time, just brushing together as Pat moves his glass back to the table.

gif from @smittenskitten

Moving on to my absolute favorite part of the entire episode. THE SHIRT SCENE. Yes, I know this scene is probably more accurately referred to as The Grass Jelly scene or the Drunken Hallway Conversation scene but I DO NOT CARE. I DON’T CARE WHAT IS MORE ACCURATE, I DON’T CARE WHAT IS MORE APPROPRIATE, ALL I CARE ABOUT IS THIS:

gif from @earthpirapat

“Mr. Jeng can make grass jelly” Pat says, drunkenly, as he tugs at Jeng’s shirt with enough unsteady force to knock them both back into the wall. You can see the top of this man’s boxers. Does Jeng seem bothered by it? No. Does Jeng seem angry about it? No. Does Jeng try to switch drunken men to support when Pat starts being overly familiar with his tank top? No. 

What does he do? 

HE. LOOKS. DOWN. 

He does not protest. Pat’s faculties are gone and all that is left is Pat’s affection for Jeng. He wants to eat grass jelly because that is a food he associates with Jeng. (Let’s be real here, Pat doesn’t want to eat grass jelly, Pat wants to eat Jeng). Pat plays with Jeng’s shirt because he can’t help but touch Jeng. 

To be completely honest with you, whatever the implications of the grass jelly are, whatever the implications of Jeng just watching this happen, dead fucking silent, I don’t care. I care about how comfortable and familiar it is, and they aren’t even together yet. I don’t care how much sexual tension is acting as an undercurrent to that interaction, I simply think this is so goddamn fucking cute! 

As for the rest of the drunk man shuffle, the benefit of having a Certified Tol Boi like Man, is that Jeng can hold Pat’s hand and cup his chest without it inherently coming off as inappropriate to outsiders, because he is so tall that only Pat’s wrist is really the only thing that can sit somewhere on Jeng’s shoulder that Jeng can grab. Jeng simply must hold Pat’s wrist and/or hand, and he’s slipping more towards Pat’s hand. Convenient. 

This is less a body language analysis and more a “in case you didn’t notice because I did not notice at first and @shortpplfedup had to tell me” JENG TAKES OFF PAT’S SHOES. 

Between this and the t-shirt grab, my brain just wants to spin and spin and spin towards all the domesticity they could have if they were allowed to be a couple right now. 

And now, dear readers, I am coming to a close. If you have gotten this far, again I marvel because, holy shit this is literally so long, and for what? 

So I will end with this, Jeng is a goner, and we’re heading towards the break in the dam. Jeng and Pat have tried to keep their feelings for each other at bay. Jeng has tried to be professional about this, Pat has explicitly made an effort Not To Date His Boss. They have failed. Pat failed the moment he stopped kissing Put, and he failed again the moment he grabbed Jeng’s shirt. (and also a bunch more times, see: eating together before he knew who Jeng was, see: furniture shopping, see: putting on the chef’s hat, see: watching fireworks together). Jeng has been failing the entire goddamn time. God he tried so hard in the beginning, when he learned Pat was going to be his employee, he pulled back initially, he gave critiques, he did not play favorites, but it did not take long for Jeng to come up with more and more excuses for why something was work appropriate. “Oh you won’t have time to go home before the gala, just shower at my place”, “Oh, I’m only available on Sunday for a meeting, just come to my place”, “Oh, I didn’t know where you lived so I let you sleep at my place,”, “Oh, the rooms weren’t booked properly, why don’t you share my place?”

But where are we at the end of Episode 7?

Jeng is, in the light of day, with his employees milling about the room, looking Pat in the face and saying that the video of him drunk is, and I quote “pretty cute.” which means, by extension, Jeng is calling drunk!Pat “pretty cute”, which means that, by extension, Jeng is calling Pat “pretty cute”. Narak indeed, Jeng, narak indeed. So, all caution has been thrown to the wind, Jeng is over trying to be professional, it’s time to officially enter Jeng’s “I Lost Focus and Had A Consensual Workplace Relationship” Era. 

[shortpplfedup]

Rewatched the episode to organise my thoughts and I really wanted to share my understanding of the emotional journey Pat is going through this ep. I do feel, like @lurkingshan and @ginnymoonbeam in particular have been saying to me, that Pat's journey is sliiiiiiightly harder to follow, and it hinges on the conversation on two levels that he and Jeng have near the middle of the ep (which, more on that in a moment). Like always, this ep could have used a little nip/tuck, and maybe a montage to show the passage of time, but I'd like to present to you...

PAT'S EPISODE 9 EMOTIONS: A STORY

First movement: absolute cringe, totally embarrassed. He was drunk and weeping, hanging off his boss who had to answer his MOM's phone call and get him home. Said boss is also gay which...we're not processing that right now because it adds an entirely new cringe level.

Second movement: starts to think about the fact that JENG IS GAY AND ONLY JUST TOLD HIM which feels like maybe Jeng has been laughing at him a bit and messing him about. Because he thought they were bonding somewhat all this time but Jeng didn't share this when he knows Pat is also gay. Shoves the stuffie in the drawer because he feels betrayed.

Third movement: Here is where things get wibbly because time is clearly passing between the day after the bar and the day Pat's dad shows up, but we don't really understand how much. Pat is actively avoiding Jeng. Jeng is asking Chot where he is, Pat is taking (multiple?) days off...but no idea of when this falls in the timeline so hard to follow the throughline.

Fourth movement: Pat is back at work and clearly DEEP in his feelings, he has been stewing over this for who knows how long at this point (feels more weeks than days or months). Chot is noticing (and likely misunderstanding the source of the churn as a lovers' tiff rather than a not-lovers' tiff). He thought he wouldn't have to see Jeng because Chot is standing in for him at the screening but Jeng shows up and he kind of panics. So he's feeling embarrassed, a little betrayed and like Jeng has been toying with him.

Fifth movement: This is where they have the convo on two levels. I say that because Pat was clearly saying one thing while Jeng was hearing another. Pat is saying: 'stop doing these things because I can't say no when you're sweet to me.' Jeng is hearing: 'stop doing these things because I can't say no when you are my boss.' The language is deliberately vague, and the idea of two meanings could get lost, but the show makes it clear in the two follow up scenes where Jeng and Pat have separate vents about what's happening. Jeng is crying to Jaab that Pat only sees him as a coworker, while Pat is fuming to Jen that Jeng is playing with his feelings. Pat said 'I don't want to misunderstand' and Jeng said 'you're not misunderstanding' and Pat said 'no I must be misunderstanding because it don't even make sense, so leave me alone please.'

Sixth movement: Pat exposits those feelings of being toyed with to Jen, who is like 'solidarity sister, these brothers be doing that.'

Seventh movement: Chot tells Pat Jeng is quitting and that's when Pat starts to realise that maybe the man was Not Fucking Around, but the WHY ME? is strong because Pat is aware that Jeng is An Adult and he is The Hot Mess Express. Then the man plans him a damn birthday celebration but stays away like he asked.

Eighth movement: At this point, Pat is the SpongeBob crab meme. THERE IS JUST TOO MUCH HAPPENING AND HE CANNOT PROCESS IT HE HAS SOMEHOW GOTTEN LOST IN THE SAUCE. He breaks the fuck down and cries to his mommy and daddy, because it's all too much.

Ninth movement: Pat experiences the miracle of birth up close and fucking personal and like many of us cannot believe that a human can actually do that and what the fuck is he actually caught up about. His good sis MADE A PERSON IN THE STREET and then posted it on Instagram like it was light work, and he is skressed because a gay man likes him, another gay man.

Tenth movement: And then Pat gets home and said gay man has sent him a BOX of snacks just because he said he liked them once, and then sends him a text that basically says 'I LIKE YOU DUMMY, SO MUCH, BECAUSE YOU'RE YOU.'

Look, all I'm saying is my man Pat went on a journey ok?

[thefreeblog]

Wow, there is so much meta on Episode 10 of Step by Step, the showmakers really did us all dirty. Ha ha 🤣

But all jokes apart I am really liking all the takes on it and views starting from the plot, direction, writing etc etc..

I am always the one who focuses on story and characters rather than things like editing, dialogues etc.

But in some ways the Episode 10 did look like rushed over, not their relationship but just how much we saw in terms of them spending time together domestically.

After reading most of the meta, here are my 2 cents.

Most of us agree that Jeng has not changed but he is in denial about what comes ahead and he is just ignoring it. But the general tone is he is the older one, be should take the responsibility and step up, even I thought this for a fleeting second there. But then I remembered that I liked this show in the first place because it's playing with this idea of age dynamics and age means more maturity and seniority in general and in Thai society especially. I always thought that despite being almost a decade older than Pat, Jeng always came off as more immature when it comes to their pair. Yes he is the good older brother, may be a responsible heir son, trying to live up to the good boss stuff. BUT when it came to Pat, he behaved immaturely from get go. And Pat was always put together when it came to both of them. Yes Jeng was patient, he did all the right things but he was too eager and didn't behave as a decade older person is supposed to behave in a coworker friendship/relationship. And I loved this about Jeng and the show. He thinks he is older so he should take care of Pat and he does do that but he does not just take care,he babies him. He doesn't have in him to say no to Pat, he just relents to whatever Pat wants or says. He wants to protect him and always keep Pat and himself in a safe bubble. And I would go a step ahead and say that this behaviour is due to his own insecurities of him being the heir and gay. (The way his expression changed when Pat said people look up to him and he can't resign). Also it comes from always pleasing every one. He wants to please his dad, his co workers , his sub ordinates and Pat too. That man has some serious mother fucking hang ups and he need to take time out for himself first. And I am liking that we are seeing this, we are seeing a side where he is vulnerable and making mistakes because of his choices and how he is or wants to be with Pat. He should stop pleasing Pat, that's what he started doing when he found out Pat does not really like criticism or he does not like hearing no. And this has landed both of them in this helpless situation. Jeng is such a complex character, sigh.

Pat on the other hand is you get what you see. He is straightforward, chop chop guy. He sees an issue he needs to fix it. He sees same patterns repeating in his relationship he immediately jumps to conclusions. I keep saying he is mature for his age, but also he has very little to none life or work experience in general. To understand the ways of world you need to go through the tides, there is no short cut to learn life. He is such a good example of high calibre person having extremely high emotional quotient, but he does not use it as his strength. He needs to learn that. He is not made to fit in, tbh he will never. He will always stand out, in all his choices. And he needs to learn to appreciate that instead of basing his decisions on what others say or how his parents are.

This is the whole reason I like them together, they are just exact opposite of what society wants them to be or expects to be. Everyone wants Jeng to be the top, the dominant ultra rich boss, but in reality though Jeng comes of as one on the outside but on inside he just really wants a marriage and small family and wants to cook for Pat and take care of him.

Pat is supposed to be the damsel in distress who should be saved by a handsome prince the typical obidient uke. But in reality he has a mind of his own and can build his own business empire if given a chance. He is just such a stand out on his own.

And this is the reason I am so so looking forward to how they land their ending here.

I read some one saying that this is a false start for them, and the end would be really their beginning. I like this take so much and pray to whatever soap gods out there, please let this be true.

Su su na Pat and Jeng!