#Kisame headcanons

[somekisamestuff]

Our shark daddy SERVING LOOKS in Naruto Mobile game. This is almost what i imagine while reading hot fanfictions about him😭💙

[cosmic-glow]

A Beach Day with Akatsuki

Summary: how would each of the Akatsuki members be in the cliche anime beach episode.

Warnings: mentions of deaths and alcoholic beverages. SFW.

Characters: Pein; Konan; Tobi; Zetsu; Itachi; Kisame; Deidara; Sasori; Hidan and Kakuzu (from Naruto).

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Kisame

Kisame liked the idea from the beginning.

As soon as he gets to the beach he goes straight to the water.

Likes to surf.

And it's really good at it.

He doesn't wear sunscreen.

He spends practically all day in the water.

He just goes out to pull someone out to sea with him.

Or to buy some ice cream.

He randomly comes out of the water sometimes and brings a very nice shell or rock and gives it to someone.

He tries to pull Itachi out to sea with him just to provoke him.

Kisame would come out of the water in the afternoon to watch the sun go down.

While drinking something refreshing, like coconut water or a drink.

That man was so comfortable.

It upsets him to have to leave the beach.

The next day he is locked in his room, sunburnt.

He doesn't want to go out for  doesn't have to overhear Itachi saying "I told you" for refusing to apply sunscreen.

Still, he really liked his day at the beach and would do it all over again.

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Kakuzu

He didn't want to come.

Like, beach is just a warm place with salt water and sand, what's fun about that? That's what he thinks.

He is really in a bad mood.

He can't even cool off in the sea because he can't swim due to his stitched up body.

He tries to relax sitting in the shade of the parasol while reading a book.

But any noise bothers him.

And a beach with Deidara, Hidan and Tobi is sure to be noisy.

He eventually decides to walk to the edge of the sea away from the group while checking his bingo book.

Was that or kill those three.

In the end, when he is well away from the group he manages to enjoy the beach a little.

He sits near some palm trees.

The waves gently lap at him feet in a relaxing manner.

And finally the silence that he loves so much.

He would only reappear in the group in the evening, when started to cool down.

He is not sad that he has to leave.

And he would never admit that he enjoyed the quiet moments he spent alone.

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Tobi/Obito

Ever since he learned that him be going to the beach he has been extremely anxious.

He is wearing those bathing suits that cover the whole body, like surfers do.

But he doesn't surf.

Yes, he is wearing the mask even on the beach.

Doesn't stop at any moment.

He would go into the sea to jump the waves and end up falling as soon as they took their eyes off him.

Then he would get up as if nothing had happened.

He has been bothering Deidara since they arrived.

"Wow Deidara-senpai, I didn't know your abdomen was so defined" - would be just one of the comments he make to tease the blond.

Tobi is a good boy, so he put sunscreen on the parts that his suit doesn't cover.

Takes too much ice cream and ends up freezing his brain.

He would not want to leave the beach.

Would only do it when it was getting dark.

Definitely a happy child enjoying his day at the beach.

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Hidan

For Akatsuki to be able to go to a beach it would have to be isolated.

And well, I'm saying this because Hidan was responsible for offering Jashin anyone who showed up bothering.

He's a narcissist and made a point of getting a swimsuit that didn't cover too much and value his ass.

At first, he avoids getting into the water because he doesn't want to get his hair wet.

But when he enters the sea it's scary to see how he spends hours underwater since he can't die by drowning.

Enjoys bothering Kakuzu... as usual.

He purposely wets Deidara's hair.

Hidan wasn't worried about sunscreen.

After all, he's immortal, what difference does it make?

What no one knows is that he ended up going through the fear of losing the pale shade he likes so much.

He has who brought the alcohol.

He keeps drinking and bothering others with silly pranks.

Leave the beach at the end of the sunset already drunk.

He found the day at the beach fun.

After all he didn't have to work and spent all day drinking and making fun of the members, why would he complain?

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Zetsu

He likes sunbathe.

Obviously him don't wear sunscreen, because he don't need it.

Would avoid going into the sea because of the salt water.

White Zetsu wants to make a sand castle.

But doesn't work out too well because black Zetsu refuses.

He likes to drink a lot of water.

Zetsu purposely walks away from the group.

He likes to be alone and it is no surprise to anyone.

He finds the sound of the sea very relaxing.

White Zetsu wants to take the little shells he finds home.

Black Zetsu wants to eat the crabs he finds.

At some point he would end up sleeping.

Would only wake up when the sun started to set.

And then finally would return to the group to leave.

White Zetsu really enjoyed the day at the beach and think was relaxing.

Black Zetsu didn't think it was bad, but he wouldn't admit it and would say it was a waste of time.

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Deidara

“Finally a rest day” - that's what he thought, until he saw how Tobi can be even more irritating on the beach.

The beach is a very inspiring place for an artist.

So Deidara is trying not to waste all his explosive clay on Tobi.

He wants to tan, not burn, so he put on sunscreen.

Deidara knows and likes to surf.

And he's annoyed that Kisame is better than him at this.

He was avoiding going into the sea until Hidan wet his hair.

His bathing suit is the prettiest.

This boy has style.

He would retreat at some point to make sand castles without being seen.

Prefer to eat slushies.

Would want to compete with Itachi on something.

And would say he cheated when he lost and walk away from the group.

Collect shells <3

He tries to sunbathe, but Deidara is the kind of person who can't sit still.

So it's useless.

The sunset is art for him, after all it is temporary.

Appears out of nowhere in the group when they are leaving.

At the end of the day he's sulking.

Because the day at the beach was not what he expected.

… But he liked it.

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Itachi

To be honest, he doesn't really like the beach.

Like, he can't deny the place is beautiful, but what is he going to do here?

He ends up sitting in the shade of the parasol watching others have fun.

Most of the shells Kisame brings from the water are for him.

He obviously use  sunscreen.

And brought it, in case anyone forgot.

In fact, the bag with everything needed for a day at the beach is his.

He doesn't really like the idea of ​​going into the sea.

The most he'd do is get his feet wet because it's relaxing.

He's the one who bought Kisame's ice cream while he was getting out of the water.

He's not paying attention to Deidara's taunts.

And he made no effort to beat him.

He likes the sound of the sea.

Take the opportunity to rest for a while.

He ends up getting so relaxed and quiet you could swear he's sleeping sitting up.

Itachi finds the sunset a bit melancholy but beautiful.

Is eager to return to the group's hideout.

The next day he know that Kisame doesn't want to leave his room because he's sunburned.

He didn't think the day at the beach was all bad, but he would have preferred to go somewhere else.

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Pein

Honestly, he only accepted all this because of Konan.

Doesn't like warm places, so the beach is not his favorite place.

He came just to make sure that nothing bad would happened.

He refers to Hidan, Deidara and Tobi in the same place for more than 5 minutes.

And he doesn't want anyone to bother Konan either.

Konan who reminded him to wear sunscreen.

Pain likes to eat watermelon when he is at the beach, is refreshing.

He won't go into the sea, don't even try.

Doesn't like ice cream very much.

He doesn't really like sweets in general, they make him thirsty.

He notices when someone moves away.

Being honest, he is just waiting for the day to end.

He understands why they think sunsets are beautiful, him thought too when he saw how Konan admired the sky.

Pein makes sure that everyone is present as they come back.

Tobi tests his patience by refusing to return "so soon".

He understands that a rest is necessary... But for him it was just a wasted day.

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Konan

She was who gave the idea to go to the beach.

Konan likes to sunbathe, even though she's very pale.

Hoped that this day would be at least a little relaxing for Pain.

Konan would read a book in the shade while listening to the sound of the waves.

Likes to drink refreshing drinks, eat scratch cards, eat watermelon, etc.

She is enjoying the moment.

Would go into the sea to cool off a bit, but she would be quick.

Konan is very stylish, so her bikini makes her look radiant.

She really wants to play in the sand for a while.

But as we know she is shy, and ends up being embarrassed.

Didn't approve of the idea that Hidan could kill anyone who came along.

But her understand why Pein thinks it's necessary.

She loves the different shades that appear in the sky as the sun goes down.

Left the beach a little reluctantly.

She who manages to convince Tobi to leave.

Konan liked her day at the beach but wishes she had enjoyed it more.

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Sasori

He wonders why he had to come along.

Like, there's nothing for him to enjoy on the beach.

Not that he can't go into the sea, but he's a puppet, the job he'd take to get the water out of his body.

Not to mention that salt water can wear out his body.

Definitely out of the question.

The only problem is that all that sand and hot sun just reminds him more and more of his old village.

He doesn't have a problem with the heat at all, he actually likes it.

He would try to distract himself by looking for pretty rocks.

Kisame would notice and bring some for him.

He'd be so focused on this that he wouldn't realize he'd ended up walking away from the group.

He ended up getting wet when he picked up a rock too close to the sea and a wave came to meet him.

He returns to the group grumpy after that.

Sasori lies down waiting for the sun to dry him and ends up sleeping.

Hidan and Deidara bury him in the sand.

He hasn't seen the sunset and is just grumpy wanting to go back to hiding.

But he is taking the rocks he found with him.

He doesn't want to repeat the experience.

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Sorry for any typos;

Buy me a coffee?

Masterlist

[or0ch1maru]

akatsukis kinks and turn offs?

18+, full blown smut, kinks, and more smut

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Omg omg omg, I had wayyyy too much fun writing these. Also! If anyone wants a one shot of a specific character with the kinks I’ve listed, pleaseeeeee let me know and I’d be more than happy to write it, especially for Tobi, Hidan, or Zetsu🫶🏻

I feel like Hidan has done everything at least once, and if there’s something he hasn’t done, he’s more than willing to try. This man is KINKY. I imagine his favorites are period play(or anything involving blood), s&m, fucking outside with the thrill of getting caught, knife play, and threesomes. I believe his turn off’s would be the “I don’t use safe words” thing. Hidan is intense when it comes to sex, and he won’t do it with just anybody either. He must have a safe word for his sessions and if you refuse to use one, just know you won’t be getting in his pants.

Kakuzu is similar to Hidan, has done everything at least once and isn’t close minded about trying new things. I know for a fact his tendrils would definitely come into play, whether it’s him tying you up, or toying with your clit. He’s definitely partnered up with Hidan for three ways, and just like him, also requires a safe word. I imagine Kakuzu enjoying a daddy kink as well, would lose his composure the second the word slips from your lips four orgasms in. Big into brat taming, but when it comes to turn off’s, just like with Hidan, if you have the no safe word mindset, he won’t be down.

I’ve mentioned this before but I truly believe Konan is into Shibari. Has a whole collection of ropes, of all different colors too. Mostly pastels; pinks, blue’s, and purple’s. I see her as being a passionate lover, with intense sessions time to time. Loves bringing toys into the bedroom, and her favorite to use on you would be her Hitachi. I can imagine Konan being into impact play as well, using only her hand or her paddle, likes seeing little pink marks on your ass or thighs. Would primarily be the top with you and unless she has stated it otherwise, WILL NOT be down to be topped. She needs absolute trust in her partner before allowing them access to her that way. If you try to top her during sex, it’ll turn her off.

Sessions with Pain can last relatively long, only because he loves to draw it out. Mixing pleasure with pain, but it’s never done to hurt you, wants you to experience pleasure in all aspects. I believe he’s into piercing play, also known as recreational acupuncture, or needle play. Aftercare is a very important thing to Pain, especially with the minor wounds that were inflicted during your session. I think his only turn off would be if you thought aftercare was stupid or unnecessary. Especially the times when he requires aftercare too.

Our sweet explosive loving babe. I feel like Deidara hasn’t experimented much with kinks, and the few he has tried, he wasn’t crazy about. How some people are into riding their partners fingers, you’d be riding his hand. Could cum just from watching you ride the appendage that sits between the lips on his palm. As stated in the show, Deidara isn’t into s&m. I feel like he tried it once but the thought of inflicting pain on his partner was too much for him and visa versa. Even though he loves bombs and explosions, I feel like he’s more of a gentle partner.

I can see Sasori absolutely loving when his partner sits on his face. Is the type to get upset if you don’t sit your entire body weight down on him, would grab hold of your thighs, pulling you down onto him and holding you there. Loves looking up and seeing your eyes rolled back, tears streaming down your face as you continuously cum on his tongue. Bonus points if you end up squirting. Apart from that, I can imagine him using his chakra threads on you, whether it’s holding you still when you start to squirm, or when you start faltering when riding his cock, his threads would help keep you balanced. I don’t think he’s be into food play. Since Sasori doesn’t need to eat like others do, he sees no use for it, in or outside of the bedroom.

Breeding kink, I repeat, BREEDING KINK. With Uchiha’s, they form deep bonds, and love the hardest. So naturally, that would be reflected during sex. Itachi loves filling you up, and then watching as you go about your business throughout the compound full of him. I think he also enjoys when you ride his thighs. If he’s busy working on something at his desk, best believe one hand will be holding your lower back, helping you keep your rhythm. I personally think Itachi’s turn off would be Dacryphilia. Only because he doesn’t like seeing you cry. He strives for his partner’s happiness.

Just like Hidan, I feel like Kisa enjoys period sex. Has a container under his bed full of towels specifically for that time of the month. Apart from that, I imagine he likes choking, Dacryphilia, and rough sex in general. Loves seeing the scratches you leave on his back or the bite marks left on him. When he has you in doggy or bent over any hard surface, best believe his large hand will have a fistful of your hair. Now for turn offs, I don’t think he’d do anything risky where he could get caught. Just like a lot of his comrades, he’s protective over his partner and doesn’t want anyone seeing what’s his. Especially in such a vulnerable state.

Now, you can get either Tobi, or Obito, it truly depends on his mood, or situation. Our sweet gentle Tobi loves seeing his partner in cute little outfits, especially a maid outfit. I see Tobi as more of a sub honestly and if he acts out, and you want to punish him for it, his all time favorite is edging. If you happen to act like a brat, just know Obito won’t hesitate to grip you by the hair and walk you back to your shared room. Rough sex, double penetration, and surprisingly exhibitionism. As long as others don’t see his face/scarring, he will fuck you senseless in front of others/doesn’t care if someone walks in during. Will even hold a conversation with said person while he fucks you. Even when alone, loves fingering you with his gloves on. Tobi wouldn’t want to see you cry, just like Itachi, he doesn’t like seeing his partner upset. With Obito, I don’t think he’d like sensory deprivation. Doesn’t enjoy having any of his senses taken away, wants to be able to hear, and see every reaction he pulls from you.

Just like Tobi, you can get either Black or white Zetsu. All depends on their mood & said situation. White Zetsu loves nothing more than praising you, especially when his cock is buried deep in your throat, with tears threatening to fall, black Zetsu is all for degrading you. Will mush your face into a wall, a desk, the mattress, and take you from behind, whispering dirty words as you take him fully. I also fully believe Zetsu is into having sex outside, and orgasm control/denial. Enjoys hearing you beg to cum, bucking your hips into him or the toy just to get yourself off when you can’t take it. As well as quickie’s. Won’t hesitate to pull you into a bathroom and fuck you silly before walking about like he didn’t do anything. I think his only turn off would be being bitten. For some reason I imagine Zetsu being really sensitive and doesn’t like the blunt pain one can inflict by digging their teeth into him.

•

[nail-art-no-jutsu]

I'm thinking a lot about how Kisame and Itachi talk. I love how chatty Kisame gets with Itachi, how he challenges him, questions him, like he's genuinely interested in Itachi as a person and wants to understand how he thinks. And I just want an endless amount of Kisame being a good partner and caring about Itachi and doing his best to keep things chill and comf and fun because he really enjoys spending time with Itachi.

[nardo-headcanons]

Yandere Deidara and Kisame HCs? 👀 Maybe also how they react if someone is pestering their darling in front of them?

a/n: this took me a while lol. Here's a little warning in beforehand that these behaviors are pretty toxic IRL and should only be enjoyed in the realm of fiction! TW for toxic/abusive/possessive behavior, mention of murder

Yandere!Deidara Headcanons

I can see Deidara becoming a yandere for his darling out of a sense of entitlement. Being related to the Tsuchikage family has its perks; he was spoiled rotten as a kid.

His darling is his, and his alone, simply because of the fact he can have them. Bonus points if you show interest in his artistic endeavors.

But do not be mistaken. Despite his motivations not being as deep and psychological as others, it doesn't make him less persistent and protective.

He has had access to the earth country's best education and knows about complex physics, chemistry and pyrotechnics. As someone who develops and detonates bombs for a living, he knows how to defuse (hehe) situations like these.

He's pretty chill at first, though if the pestering gets more and more annoying, he will casually evelop the asshole daring to pester you in a kibaku nendo caterpillar and threaten to blow it up if they don't leave you alone.

Yandere!Kisame Headcanons

After being seen (and treated as) a monster by everyone around him, having you treat him with the basic human decency and respect is enough to make him swoon over his darling.

Fiercely protective, he would gut anyone and everyone alive who would even dare to put his beloved darling in danger.

Kisame would never force himself on you and instead treats you with the same affection and love he gets (and hopes to continue getting) from you. Despite his reputation as a brutal fighter, you only get to see his gentleman, polite side.

When he sees his darling getting pestered by some hooligan, he would watch from afar at first, letting you deal with the situation.

Upon the realization that you're in need of assistence, he will swoop right in, gently asking you to turn away and close your eyes so you won't have to witness what he is about to do.

Once you have turned away, he starts outright massacring the aggressor(s) until they are left as a bloody pulp to be fed to his sharks.

[wing-ed-thing]

Three-Man Squad Relationship Headcanons with Itachi and Kisame

Tags/Warnings: No Reader Pronouns, Language, Canon-Typical Violence

𓆃 Oh, you thought you were safe because you got placed with these two? 

𓆃 You thought they were level headed? You thought that because Itachi seemed the quiet and respectable type that you were placed in a normal team? Yeah, that’s called a false sense of security.

𓆃 Kisame is the most personable by default since he’ll talk more and it’s not horribly difficult to build a working friendship based on mutual respect and sparring to pass the time.

𓆃 With lots of time and how boring travel is, Kisame is all too happy to suggest that you test your skills against each other. The more evenly matched, the better. Whether it’s hand to hand or weapon to weapon, Kisame insists on making it a game to pass the time.

𓆃 Each time, he’ll push it a bit further. Maybe he’ll continue to swing when you’ve tapped out. He couldn’t “hear you.” Perhaps he’ll initiate a surprise attack to start your sparring session, shouting out only a word of warning before swinging Samehada at your head.

𓆃 Each swing is a death blow. Kisame does not hold back during sparring. He does not consider sparring practice in the sense that he is conscious of your safety. 

𓆃 Every time he initiates fighting with you, the closer he toes the line to actually killing you. He plays rough and if it’s allowed to go on without you noticing, it will never stop.

𓆃 Luckily, he seems to get bored quickly. Pulling out too many new or otherwise flashy moves is sure to hold his interest and elongate the match. 

𓆃 Your abilities will garner great respect from Kisame and he’s not afraid to praise you often. This praise often comes with sharp slaps to the back, head, and behind as he seems to genuinely enjoy having a buddy who he perceives to be on the same wavelength as him.

𓆃 High respect, high loyalty, strong friendship, and killing you is a part of the circle of life. If you don’t want to die, then don’t!

𓆃 Itachi is quieter but arguably worse. He’ll hardly engage you, which often includes flat out ignoring many of the things you say. 

𓆃 He’ll give you the cold shoulder to the point where it’s almost easier to talk at him. Sometimes when Itachi’s alone, you’ll join him where he is to talk. And he won’t stop you. He’ll never say you’re disturbing him, and just let you talk at him about whatever you want.

𓆃 And then when he does say something to you, he’ll sprinkle in little personal details you completely forgot you told him.

𓆃 “Don’t you have a great aunt from this village?” “I thought you didn’t like that kind of grain.” “This is why you have acute shoulder pain and soreness in your knee—”

𓆃 You used to complain about the things in your life that were bothering you until you realized that Itachi didn’t pull his punches. Everything is on the table from your relationship history, to psychoanalysis, to dissections of your every decision. It doesn’t matter what it is because Itachi has honed into it and will place you on the hot seat with just a few brutal words.

𓆃 And then sometimes, you won’t remember interactions with Itachi at all. Sometimes, you are somewhere else completely and you snap back to reality just in time to see Itachi’s sharingan extinguish.

𓆃 How long were you gone? Where did you go? What caused it? Who knows. You’ll never know if Itachi got annoyed or if you fought or even if he was just messing around with you. Itachi is not above flexing that he is ultimately in control of the team.

𓆃 He’ll just show you things under his superior genjutsu. That’s his fun. He likes to sit across from you showing you things and you know what? You’re none the wiser

𓆃 You’ll bring something up that “happened” on your travels to Kisame and he’ll have no idea what you’re talking about.

𓆃 Welcome to Team Mind-Fuck

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed, and supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

[effeminateboyninja]

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akatsuki music hcs

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

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I can’t listen to a song without making it about characters so here’s some headcanons for what kind of music each of the Akatsuki characters would like/listen to

more here:

konoha 13 | jonin sensei | sand siblings |

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Pain/Nagato - TOOL // Opeth // Nirvana // Swallow the Sun // Daylight Dies // The Foreshadowing // Alice in Chains // Mad Season

Konan - The Cure // Echo & the Bunnymen // Bauhaus // Siouxsie and the Banshees // Timber Timbre // Mitski

Kisame - The Rolling Stones // The Doors // The Animals // Judas Priest // Black Sabbath // Led Zeppelin // Dio // Ghost

Itachi - Radiohead // Manchester Orchestra // Duster // waveform* // sssense // kees. // Beach House

Deidara - 3OH!3 // Cobra Starship // Panic! at the Disco // Mäneskin // Teenage Disaster // Afourteen // Danny Brown // Cxrpse

Sasori - silence // white noise

Hidan - Nine Inch Nails // Korn // Rob Zombie // Orgy // Skinny Puppy // Sister Machine Gun // PIG // Skold

Kakuzu - the steady hum of his money counter

Tobi - Aqua // 100 gecs // Jimmy Buffet // NSYNC // Crazy Frog // the Cats soundtrack // PSY // Kidz Bop Kids

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BONUS: Orochimaru - a notice from the medical malpractice board read aloud // the wet, gurgling, nubile sounds of a lab engineered fetus taking it’s first breaths (1hr loop) // Slayyyter

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[hauntedhokage]

itachi likes to watch

it's something that he learns when he comes home late one night, only to walk in on his two roommates having sex on the kitchen floor. if he's noticed, neither made any indication that they knew he was there and that was fine by him as he stands there and watches until they finish, then goes to his room to prepare for a much needed shower where he strokes away the evidence of his newest vice. but the walls are thin in that apartment, he always knows when you and kisame are wrapped around each other even if you weren't trying to be loud about it. and he can't help himself; he doesn't know what it is about you and kisame in particular that makes him need to see what you to are up to but he's always moving to where he can at the very least hear better. clearly the sex you were having was good enough that neither of you ever noticed him peeking through the cracked door or heard him on the other side of the wall trying to match his hand strokes to kisame's thrusts into you. but he wasn't complaining about the lack of observation, you two were a voyeur's dream.

it's at the christmas party that things change. kisame had gotten him in the gift exchange, and grinned confidently with you seated on his lap when itachi had opened the gift. a small video camera, a gift that tells itachi that you both had known about his little 'secret' - especially when you're not able to make prolonged eye contact with the uchiha for the rest of the night. the thought hadn't crossed his mind until the got the gift that you two had intentionally been providing the opportunities that he had been capitalizing on - but hits him like a ton of bricks when kisame throws a wink his way before kissing you under deidara's poorly placed mistletoe.

kisame liked to be watched

[somekisamestuff]

So…we are at Kisame admiration time of the day again…

One of my favorite things about Kisame is that I can easily imagine him politely ordering tea at a random cafe. It’s because he’s a fucking GENTLEMAN and his way of speaking is one of the most polite among the characters. ( according to the Akatsuki Hiden novel )

Ahh…Kishimoto really wanted him to be a well-mannered big shark…

[cosmic-glow]

Request: "May I request soft akatsuki headcannons for a reader who loves to bake and cook? It's a passion of mine, and a great stress reliever! There's nothing I won't try and try to make!"

Notes: First of all, I'm sorry it took me so long to respond 😭 I also like cooking and I completely agree with you! I hope you like what I wrote, good reading!

"Are you hungry, love?"- Akatsuki

Warnings: no pronouns; no use of "y/n"; pure cuteness. Gender: Soft Headcanons. Characters: Itachi; Kisame; Deidara; Sasori; Kakuzu; Hidan; Zetsu; Tobi/Obito; Pein; Konan.

Itachi Uchiha

He always offers you help in the kitchen.

He is very picky when cooking for someone but is easily satisfied with whatever you cook for him.

He feels obligated to return the favor by cooking for you too. That's why he took charge of breakfast, always waking up before you to prepare what you like.

Likes hot foods and pasta. Loves handmade sweets.

He prefers traditional foods, but accepts trying new flavors when he's with you.

He loves going out to buy new ingredients with you, he knows a lot about the subject and would be of great help.

Kisame Hoshigaki

You know that popular saying that the best way to conquer a man is through his stomach? It applies very well to this man.

He likes to be spoiled with food and will be grateful for it so.. please cook for him.

His heart feels warm when he comes home and smells something delicious you are preparing.

He likes foods with a sweet and sour taste, and he loves meat. He also loves sweets, so it's not hard to please Kisame.

He loves trying new flavors with you. If you want, he'll even help you in the kitchen, but he's not very good (he's a bit clumsy).

He'll find a way to say thank you, whether it's washing the dishes, giving gifts, taking you out to eat, all of the above, whatever you prefer.

He's the kind of guy who would eat what you prepared even if it was completely burnt if he knew you put effort into it.

Deidara

He likes fast food, but is very happy when you cook for him.

Thanks to you, he's starting to eat more healthily, because he has a childish palate and is very resistant to exploring new flavors.

He likes spicy foods because are like an explosion in the mouth.

"I have to say, honey, your cooking is an art!" - he says with his mouth full when he really likes it.

One of his favorite moments of the day is when you're eating something you've prepared or he's bought, watching a movie and talking about anything.

It's something very simple, but if you make a cake just for him on his birthday, he'll feel so loved that he might even cry a little.

(Sometimes he brags to the other members about having such a skilled s/o in the kitchen).

But please keep this boy the hell away from the kitchen! When I say he's a complete chaos cooking, it's because the kitchen almost always explodes! Literally!

Sasori

He often forgets that he still needs to eat due to his puppet body, so he's grateful that you remind him. He still needs to eat a little every now and then to ensure a bit of vital energy or something.

And yes, that was the lie he invented to not disappoint you. And regardless of whether you believed it or not, he always eats your food, even though he knows how much work it will take to clean his insides afterwards (don't worry, he'll probably come up with something to solve this).

Understand, he lied because he knows how important cooking is to you, he sees how much you work at it, but had the misfortune of being with a guy who doesn't need to eat… but he couldn't risk hurting you for something that's his fault.

Sasori only eats your food and no one else's, no matter how much they insist.

He likes foods with strong spices, he no longer feels flavors in the same way as when he was a human.

At the end of every meal, he politely thanks you for the delicious food and offers to help with the dishes.

Kakuzu

He likes hot, very hot, and traditional foods. Doesn't like sweets.

He's great in the kitchen and sometimes cooks for you too, as a thank you. Kakuzu has many years of experience in the kitchen, take the opportunity to ask questions and get some tips, he may not show it but he really likes to help you.

Maybe you don't know, but Kakuzu practically never eats out, he knows that some people want him dead and could easily poison his food. So for him to eat everything you prepare without hesitation is really a great show of trust.

He is very silent while eating, but he doesn't mind if you want to talk about your day, he will be listening to every part.

He really appreciates your food, getting involved and asking about the spices you used, how you prepared it, he really likes it when you test a new recipe.

Always at the end of every meal he thanks you for the food and gets up before you to clear the table and wash the dishes, a silent way of thanking you.

Hidan

Spicy and crunchy foods and sour desserts, it's true heaven for him...

As incredible as it may seem, Hidan is very picky about his food, it's unbearable to go out to eat with him, it seems like he always makes a point of finding some flaw.

But it's the total opposite with you, he eats everything you prepare without complaining too much, just teasing you a little as always. Except if he is angry with you for some reason, then he will be impossible, no matter what you prepared, he will not eat it.

Hidan has a very annoying childhood palate, so don't force him to eat something he doesn't really like, like vegetables for example.

You'll probably have some arguments about him drink any kind of blood but not wanting to eat the soup you made (for example), but it won't change anything.

Whenever you enter the kitchen, Hidan follows right behind to find out what you're going to prepare and also because he loves to annoy you while you're cooking. He tickles you, bites you, hugs you, kisses you and even steals some utensils to disturb you before you kick him out of the kitchen.

Zetsu

He likes meat a lot, in fact you thought it was the only thing he could eat.

He is very impatient and even hugs you trying to convince you to let him eat before you finish.

"I don't care that it's not ready yet and it's raw, I'm hungry, love. Let me eat it just the way it is."

Not a very good critic of your recipes, he will eat literally anything you put in front of him and thank you for it.

You are the one who teaches him to have a more refined palate and he loves trying new flavors with you.

Zetsu grows a vegetable garden just for you, with everything you need fresh and tasty for your recipes.

Tobi/Obito Uchiha

Tobi >loves< sweets, make sweets for him and you'll have him curled up in the palm of your hand.

Both Tobi and Obito don't like spicy food.

He feels so loved when you cook for him <3 (a tip: prepare ramen for him when he's sad, it'll make him feel better).

Whenever he comes home early he brings you some sweets he bought at the bakery as a treat.

This is another man who is very easy to win over with his stomach. He'll feel very special if you tell him you've prepared something just for him. Make him your guinea pig for new recipes, he really doesn't mind and always gives you great feedback.

He always offers you the first bite out of respect, he is as happy to see you eating and talking about how tasty it is as he is to eat something you prepared.

Pein

Pein went through long periods of starvation as a child, so as much as it may seem, he isn't very picky about what he eats.

Likes hot and spicy foods. Hate sweets.

He is a great fan of your food, even if you've accidentally burnt it or overdone the seasoning, he'll be happy to eat something you've lovingly prepared.

Due to his work as leader of Akatsuki, he often forgets to eat properly. It's you who show up at his office and remind him to eat, with something you've prepared in hand, he's really grateful for your care.

He is always attentive to your needs. Did you like a cuter utensil kit than the ones you have? Are your. Wanting new seasonings? Suddenly they appear in your pantry. Everything you need.

Pein always makes it clear how he likes you to cook but that he doesn't want you to be overwhelmed with it, so he does everything to make this task easier for you, including ordering something from restaurants for you to eat and enjoy your free time together.

Konan

He likes mild sweets and, ironically, spicy foods. (Please make sweets for Konan, she likes a lot).

She will always feel like she is bothering or burdening you when you cook for her.

Konan isn't that good in the kitchen, so she's grateful to have a s/o who cooks so well. Sometimes she watches you cook to try to learn something, in an attempt to return the favor one day.

Buy a lot of sweets for you and make a point of always keeping your pantry well stocked so you don't have to worry about buying ingredients.

As I said, Konan doesn't like to burden you, so very often she takes you on restaurant dates.

Konan loves the culinary tours you plan, she could listen to you talk for hours about techniques, recipes and ideas. She loves seeing how excited you get talking about it.

Sorry for any typos;

Buy me a coffee?

Masterlist

[or0ch1maru]

Hi there! Could you write Kisame nsfw headcanons if he had two cocks?

18+, double penetration, Kisame with 2 dicks, rough sex, possession kink.

Short but nasty Drabble😏

•

KISAME who was nervous to date and settle down in general, even more so with you. You were so cute, and delicate to him. Something that needed to be protected, not broken.

KISAME who was scared you might be turned off or feel disgusted when pulling down his pants. Revealing not one, but two cocks.

KISAME who has all the patience in the world, especially when it comes to you. Taking as long as he needs or to be as slow as you need him to be as he warms you up.

KISAME who’s best friend are bottles of lube. Not caring how much he needs to use. All he cares about is if you’re comfortable.

KISAME who couldn’t help but let out a primal groan the first time you managed to take both his cocks. Falling even more in love with you than he was before.

KISAME who gripped the sheets to keep himself grounded, your mewls and whines making him want to destroy your pretty holes.

KISAME who, the second you said harder, vouched to himself that he’d fuck you so good to the point you wouldn’t want anybody else, that you’d be ruined to the next man who even thought of trying to get with you.

KISAME who did the exact opposite of what he promised himself when he first met you. “I’ll be careful, I won’t break them.” He told himself for months, only to forget all his morals as he watched your greedy cunt suck in both cocks.

KISAME who thought it couldn’t get worse than this, only to watch you with love and pride in his eyes as you slowly pushed back on him, watching your ass, and pussy swallow both members to the hilt.

KISAME who was scared to say those three words only to let them slip drunkenly from his lips as he pounded into you

KISAME who came, stuffing both your holes with his cum when you muttered “I love you.”

[nail-art-no-jutsu]

Itachi and Kisame nail polish headcanons

Itachi

he was super on board from day one, like yes hello fellow villains, I too am a fellow villain, if this is how we aim to distinguish ourselves from other ninja, by all means

he didn't get it right from the start, but he practiced A Lot, and figured out what works and what doesn't, because painting your nails is a skill, just like making perfect eggs for your little brother

and it was only a matter of time until Itachi was able to perfect every aspect of the thing

it's an absolute mystery how it happens but his one coat lasts for ages on his nails, Itachi is the second slowest at using up a whole bottle after Kakuzu, who silently appreciates this

Deidara's reaction to Itachi's flawless mani: "being careful not to flood your cuticles is overrated, un"

he rather likes the color, it's soothing, he's glad he wasn't assigned red to match his sharingan, it would look a bit too much like blood, and he doesn't need any reminder of the blood on his hands, thank you very much shfjfsfdsfs

and it's actually a fun activity, it's challenging enough to demand complete focus even when you're good at it, Itachi learned fast that you make a mess if you let your mind wander, so it provides a small but much needed break for his overactive brain

in a better world Itachi would have liked to discover this fun little thing in a different way and maybe Sasuke would have liked to learn to do his nails too, red probably - this is a world where red means tomatoes, not blood - and he could already imagine his lil bro asking him to teach him better clean-up skills and--

oops.

that was too much polish.

sigh.

Kisame

"we all have to do what?? ... okay :D this is fine :D"

nothing wrong with it in general, but... that color, why so intense, why not a blue that matches his skin, does purple even look right on him? does anything??

so he procrastinates, acts like he forgot, or he lost his bottle, but it always reappears like magic before Kakuzu can hold him accountable lmao

as soon as Itachi realizes the truth though, that alarm goes off in his head that puts him in unstoppable mode. his mission? make Kisame understand that there's nothing wrong with how he looks

so Itachi asks Kisame to let him do his nails too. for practice. there's always more room for practice. and it's such a powerful shade of purple, it suits Kisame perfectly, it looks great on him

Kisame tries to deflect the compliment, but then Itachi shows him purple flowers by the shore, and how beautiful that looks, and, ... okay. okay.

and that's how Kisame ends up with perfectly polished fingernails and toenails that he's proud of

it's an unspoken thing, the same way that Kisame says he's tired when it's very obvious that Itachi should rest but he'll never say so himself, and it's obvious to both of them what game they're playing

it's a peaceful ritual, they talk about all kinds of things, get to know each other, read between the lines, so on, so forth, and at least for a short while they can both pretend all is well

after a while Itachi shows signs of his health worsening, and then it's Kisame's turn to practice - "if you keep doing stuff for other people, they don't get to practice doing it themselves, don't you agree, Itachi-san? :D :D" and there's no way around it, Itachi lets Kisame do his nails

by now Kisame learned what to do just by watching Itachi do it so many times, if he gets polish on Itachi's fingers he knows how to clean it up properly too so they look exactly as if Itachi had done them himself

Kisame is sure that every "mistake" Itachi ever made was just to show him how to fix it but shh that's part of the secretly taking care of each other game

after Itachi's gone Kisame doesn't really wanna talk about it, but sometimes when he thinks no one's looking he checks his mani and he's like, "yep, Itachi-san was right, this color looks great on me" and grins because what else can he do lmao, what else can he do

[nardo-headcanons]

Hey my dear mutual! Another super stupid and weird request coming, so, please, feel totally free to ignore completely if you want, really. So, let's say instead of a criminal organization, the Akatsuki are actually a lab team. Which would be their roles, their work focus or their research topics? How would they behave at work with each other or, I don't know, whatever you can think of. Inspired by your agar plates post, by the way, hahahaha

Hello Sasuke, my dear. Don't call your asks weird, I love how creative they are! If anyone wants to write a fic about this please TAG me!

Big thanks to @the-real-sasuke-uchiha for requesting!

The Akatsuki in a modern research lab AU

Akatsuki Labs, Inc. No one knows what they're actually researching, and how they get their funding, however everyone hires them, they're incredibly popular with institutions and businesses alike...

Deidara is a lab rookie who is still at the beginning of his study. He went to a scientific high school and an absolute ace at chemistry. Besides studying chemistry, his other major is pyrotechnical engineering. He blows shit up on the regular and even adds copper sulphate to fires when he is the one supposed to put them out. He frequently steals minerals from the lab to use them for his pottery projects. And yes, he knows how to make meth.

Hidan is on his way to become a neurologist. He is fascinated by the way the nervous system works (especially while processing pain) and has the ego of a neurosurgeon twice his age. However he is regularly asked for a second opinion because he knows his shit. He's pretty popular with the ladies due to his confidence, however many of them are freaked out when they find out what a huge masochist he is.

I've never seen Itachi as a huge stem guy, but I've actually had a discussion about this with my dear moots @pet-plasma-bubble and @suki91 and came to the conclusion that he's either a plant biologist or studies medicine because he's one of these kids with a chronic and/or underdiagnosed illness going into medicine to make a change. Plant biologist!Itachi regularly talks to his plants when no one is looking and he gives them names as well. He doesn't really care much for the actual lab work and prefers to take care of the plants in the different lab greenhouses. Med student!Itachi is one of these anatomy girlies who draw their stuff in fancy colors and actually enjoy studying human anatomy.

Kakuzu is a senior scientist/professor who initially studied pharmacology/pharmacy to save many lives and prolong the lives of millions, but eventually got disillusioned and sold his soul to the pharma industry. He should technically be retired now, but he joined the Akatsuki labs inc to make some money on the side.

Kisame started out as a marine biologist specializing in shark research, however, seeing these beautiful, innocent creatures get bastardized by Hollywood and pollution made him apply to Akatsuki labs inc to help find solutions to the current crises caused by humanity. During his free time, he volunteers in a dolphin rehabilitation center.

Konan is the cofounder of Akatsuki labs inc, everyone respects her and even looks up to her. Once a brilliant scientist in the field of engineering, she got tired of how male dominated it was and how her male colleagues kept getting the credit for her ideas. She frequently holds lab courses for young girls interested going into the scientific field.

Nagato is the Akatsuki labs founder, and rarely seen in the lab. He has made himself a name in the field of robotics by inventing the Shurado robotics system which helps millions of automated machines run to this day. Rarely seen in the lab, he communicated with his employees via his Pain Alias Email. though to be fair, Konan writes most of these emails for him; she's the only one regularly talking to him face-to-face.

Orochimaru is a geneticist and biochemist, his focus being finding ways to avoid cellular decay, as well as the human genome and anti aging research. His parents are academics as well and he lived up to their expectations to the fullest. He has his own skincare formula which keeps him looking snatched at all times. Given the rumors about several scientific ethical code violations, everyone is kinda scared of him except for his personal lab tech, Kabuto.

Sasori is a renowed mortician who's also very interested in histology. His preparation techniques are unmatched and he even invented new preparation- and histological staining methods, which are called "Red Sand" and "Red Technique", respectively. He often gets into fights with Kakuzu about his microtome collection being unnecessarily expensive.

Tobi is the Akatsuki labs CEO cosplaying as a clueless intern that always steals from the candy bowl in the waiting room. In reality, he has a PHD in physics, his thesis being about rifts in space time and interdimensional interactions, however all of his papers are published under an alias. He has a soft spot for Deidara and refuses to fire him despite the latter's frequent "accidents".

Zetsu is a biological anthropologist fascinated by human evolution and human behavior. Some think even his colleagues are subjects of his studies. Some people say he's two-faced, but he is very chatty and inquisitive most of the time. He volunteered to have Itachi's venus fly traps in his office and can sometimes be seen feeding them dead flies or mosquitoes.

[wing-ed-thing]

Kisame Mentorship Headcanons

Tags/Warnings: No Reader Pronouns

𓆃 He's thrilled; he's amazed, but you better be good enough to mentor!

𓆃 Kisame isn't afraid to admit that he kinda likes the reputation he's acquired, which is only validated when you seek him out.

𓆃 And you will be the one to seek him out because taking you on isn't really something he's thinking of himself. Kisame is too caught up in fighting you and dorking out over swords for that.

𓆃 He's probably one of the most likely members of the Akatsuki to take you on in the first place due to the pureness of the way he sees his craft.

𓆃 Kisame is prideful about his art, but isn't as prone to the petty squabbles that Deidara might have. If he sees potential in you, he'll have a good laugh and the chances are high that he'll take you on given you're good enough.

𓆃 Even if you're terrible and you show potential and a large dose of admiration, he might think you'd be amusing enough to take on. Kisame is smart and can see room for growth, and if your pathetic performance amuses him along the way so be it.

𓆃 He doesn't like to take himself too seriously.

𓆃 Kisame isn't pulling any punches, though. He's barely holding back when he's training you, if he's holding back at all.

𓆃 He's also bringing old-fashioned, draconic methods from his time serving for the Hidden Mist. He's oddly attached to tradition in this sense. If he's having you do a bizarre, potentially gory exercise, it's likely been passed on for generations.

𓆃 Random sword battles. Whenever he feels, for however long he feels.

𓆃 He's taking training you far more seriously than you anticipated and will naturally fall into an almost coach-like role.

𓆃 Getting him a whistle as a joke will make him laugh and he would use it.

𓆃 Kisame will put you through hell, but he will be very proud of you for getting through it. But it's entirely possible one of you will kill the other at the end of all this because that's just who Kisame is. He'd prefer it that way.

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed, and supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

[suvidrache]

Hello! May I request Zetsu, Kakuzo and Kizame with a demon s/o who never let them touch too close to their horns, the reason is that s/o horns are very sensitive and make them start to purr and move their tail around (kinda like a cat) please?

(sorry for any errors, English is not my first language!)

S/O With Horns

age in bio when interacting. minors do not interact.

Word Count: 248 | Read it on AO3 | Tag List

Featuring: Zetsu, Kakuzu, and Kisame

Author's Note: I do hope that this was what you wanted. Also, your English is fine! 🩵

Zetsu completely gets it. He's not a human. He doesn't judge you in any way. White Zetsu is completely innocently curious about you. He asks genuine questions. Black Zetsu, depending on how long you've been together, would be the exact opposite. White would only touch your horns with permission and would talk about how cute your purrs were. Black only touched them when you pissed him off. He's angry; now you are, too.

Kakuzu is completely oblivious to your appearance. You begin to doubt that he actually pays attention to you. It wasn't until one day that you were both headed to bed. He reached over and stroked your horn. An attempt to remove the thing sticking out of your head. You purred and swatted his hand away. He simply smiled, whether to touch you again or talk about the horns on your head. He wasn't quite sure what he wanted to do first.

He's not exactly human-looking. Kisame gets it. There's no judgment from him. He supports you in any way and will fight those who speak badly to you. He's not going to pet your horns without permission. When he hears you making noise, he can't help but smile. Only when you are both at home will he ever touch your horns to hear your purrs. He also has a tendency to growl when you touch certain parts of him (similar to your purrs, and only when you both are alone and in a teasing mood).

© SUVIDRACHE — do not copy, translate, modify, or plagiarize my work. reblogs are appreciated!

Tag List: @eli-chris

[wuxianxkexing]

So here are my heart breaker/cursed head canons for the Akatsuki. None of us would actually want to be in a relationship with any of the Akatsuki in real life.

Pein- Despite being covered in hella piercings himself he would not like a S/O with piercings. The only exception would be if he pierced his S/O himself, and he would only do it for safety reasons so he could locate them no matter where they went (like the little piercing Konan has). Otherwise he doesn't understand why anyone would want to do that to themselves because his piercings are a source of never ending pain.

Konan- So she may seem like a submissive type, because she takes care of Nagato and goes along with whatever he wants, but that is only because she feels guilty and obligated to take care of him. If she is in a relationship she is 100% a quiet dom. Like people don't expect her to be but she calls the shots in her relationships and is incompatible with other dominant personalities. There can only be one queen and it's her.

Kakazu- His trust issues are too strong for any sort of romantic relationship. He doesn't even do one night stands because he isn't fully convinced that his random partner won't try to sell his kidney on the black market.

Hidan- It seems to be that celibacy is such a common part of ultra religious lifestyles that Jashinism (at least at his level) probably requires it. He probably gets bonus points for sacrificing anyone who tries to seduce him or who he finds attractive. Sorry.

Deidara- Is he pretty? Yes. Is he also annoying as fuck to the point where any halfway sane person wouldn't get to the point of being in a relationship with him, let alone sleeping with him? Also yes. Also you will always get his saliva on any part of your body his hand touches and it will smell like whatever he ate recently, even if he didn't eat it with his mouth hands. It's gross and weird.

Sasori- Really what are all of us fans thinking? We would 100% get splinters in places we do not want to get splinters and the ER doctors would eventually end up featuring us in an ask reddit thread about people fucking things they shouldn't fuck.

Kisame- He probably has a very unconventional eye for beauty. He doesn't find traditionally attractive people attractive at all. (I guess this one isn't much of a heart breaker, only to the conventially attractive part of the fandom RIP)

Itachi- If you are unfilial to your family he ain't into you. He only accepts partners with a good relationship with their entire family, so if you've got daddy issues Itachi won't even tap it. Does he recognize the hypocrisy of being the poster child of family issues but refusing to accept a partner who also has family issues? No. Lmfao

Zetsu- He might be dtf, but he is a plant so he'll just release spores in the air or try to convince a bee to give you his seed. He doesn't understand why this turns people off and why he is unsuccessful at reproducing sexually. Also he doesn't understand why everyone says sex feels so good.

Obito- He firmly believes that he is so fucked up that if he got fucked even once something terribly bad would happen. I don't know if he is asexual or just has tremendous amounts of self hatred and trauma, but he is impervious to all attempts of seduction, regardless of who they are or what they look like.