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lilydalexf · 3 years

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Tabula Rasa

Tabula Rasa has 8 stories at Gossamer, but there are even more X-Files fics at AO3 and her website. She writes Mulder and Scully in a very lovely way. I've recced 3 of my favorites of her fics here before: Bird in Snow, Fall: East on M St, and Skuamorph. Big thanks to Tabula Rasa for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

I'm always extremely pleasantly surprised to get kudos (or, very rarely, a comment) on my old fic, but I'm always happy to see it! I did post them all (I think) to AO3. I'm not surprised people are still reading fic, though. It's an iconic show and now with streaming, it's really easy to watch older shows and natural to want fic about them!

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

XF was my first fandom, definitely my first online fandom, and so it will always have a special place in my heart. Also... I had a great time! I stumbled upon and joined the Scullyfic email list by accident, but it was the best thing I could have done. I learned a lot about how to be a writer and how to be in fandom, and those lessons are still important to me. Foundational. Also, in terms of modern fandom drama, XF was more low-key on the drama (although it didn't seem like it at the time!). But I learned something that's always served me well: find like-minded people, and hang out with them. Don't worry about the rest.

Also... you can't control the show, but you kind of can control the canon.

Because of Scully, I ended up taking a forensic anthropology class in university-- and now I have a Master's in a forensic science! Part of the Scully Effect, and proud of it!

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Definitely mostly email list! I never really got the hang of message boards. Posting fic was exhausting, and tbh I never figured out how to work Ephemeral. I checked it every day, though! I loved, after a new episode, everyone sending in their thoughts and reading everyone's experiences together. Fandom was a lot more work back then, tbh!

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

That fic can be just as good, or better, than traditionally published works. There are works of XF fic that have stuck with me for years now, far more than some books I've read. That fan writers can know the characters better than the show writers. The fandom in general was really smart, and mostly more adult than me (I joined fandom when I went away to college, so I always felt at the younger end of the scale. That was good though!).

Also, my first time reading and writing porn. Not gonna lie, I was shocked the first time I accidentally read smut. But I adjusted fast. lol

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I was still a kid (now we would say preteen) when the show premiered- I think in middle school. But I was already into ghosts, aliens, monsters, solving mysteries, and I'd already imprinted on the dynamic thanks to Square One (really)! I was also just old enough to start developing celebrity crushes. Hilariously, I did not twig to the fact that I'm bisexual the entire time I was in XF fandom, despite having enormous crushes on BOTH Mulder and Scully. Ahhhh!

Also, my whole family was into the show, but I was definitely the one with the hyperfixation. I used to take notes and record the episodes as I watched. It just had the right stuff and hit at the right time. And I've always been obsessive.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

As a kid I also really liked Star Trek, and someone had given my dad a book about the history of Star Trek, which I read. This included mentions of fandom and fanfic. As soon as I had a private-- and perhaps more importantly fast-- internet connection (in college), I went looking for XF fanfic, and that was that. Hooked immediately. Also I shipped them A LOT so that's what I went looking for.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I tend to not go back to a fandom once I have a new fandom, so I wouldn't say I'm in it. I did hang around the edges for the revival, of course, because I wanted to experience that with the same people, but since the revival was mostly not that great (with a few exceptions), I didn't get pulled back into it. But I still think of the people I knew in the fandom a lot, and always hope they're doing well.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I've never left fandom, and I've been in a BUNCH: Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Bandom, Supernatural, now CQL/The Untamed and other Chinese-media fandoms, with many smaller ones in between or on the side. I feel like at their core fandoms tend to be similar, although where you host the fandom makes a big difference: Livejournal, tumblr, twitter. I think that because fandoms now tend to be bigger and more diverse (which is good) there tends to be more wank (which is bad). In some of them I was close to a group of people, some of them not. Honestly the best thing is when someone you know from an old fandom is in your new fandom. It's so much fun. I have really good friends thanks to fandom, and I've had them for YEARS. Like. 15 years.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I tend to focus more on ships than characters, but some of my all-time favs: Scully, Hermione, Sirius Black, Castiel, Lan Wangji, Xie Lian. That's just fandom-oriented ones, otherwise we'd be here all day. :D

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I don't often rewatch episodes any more, although if I come across an ep on tv I might. I definitely still think about them though! For example, I'm a teacher now, and just a couple weeks ago one of my colleagues mentioned he'd heard the students saying they shipped two of their classmates, and he was like "Ship? I don't get it" and I was like "HOO BOY, do I have a story for you!" And I explained how shipping came from XF fandom, and why. That was fun. I definitely still think about Mulder and Scully too-- I mean, they're cultural touchstones, so they do come up sometimes in greater pop culture. Also, I was in Hannibal fandom for a while, and Gillian Anderson is still The Best.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I haven't read XF fic in years, even the ones I remember as being really significant/important to me. I still have my all-time favs saved on an external HD though! Fic in another fandom- every day lol.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Blinded by White Light by DashaK has stuck with me. Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the Ruby-Throated Warbler by I forget I'm so sorry -- that's lasted as my ideal post-canon MSR and as an interesting and different way to tell a story. [Lilydale note: It’s by rah.] I was always thrilled to see fic by Brandon, JET, MaybeAmanda, Syntax6... and, frankly, everyone on the Scullyfic/ Emuse list. So many talented people in that fandom!

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Things Outside, which is the only thing I've ever written based on a dream, and I'm really satisfied with it. It was hard to write but so much fun to revel in the weirdness. I always kind of wanted to write more because I know a lot more about the situation, but otoh, I like the open, ambiguous ending (usually I am very HEA).

In other fandoms, King & Country in bandom (MCR) and in Supernatural I'm very proud of Hope and Clay. I struggle to write casefics even though I love to read them, but that one really worked out.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I don't think I'll ever write something new. There is an old fic that may be done but it was smut so I was too shy to post it at the time. In theory if I find it and it's decent, I could post it!

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I do! I write fic very slowly, but I do write still! I have a million ideas for stories, but I'm so slow at the actual writing part.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

I usually take a jumping-off point from canon, or of course, something I need to fix or expand on. Or sometimes I start telling myself a story as I fall asleep and the idea grabs me long enough I can manage to write it.

What's the story behind your pen name?

I was getting into fandom and realized people didn't use their real names. I flipped through my history book looking for inspiration, and decided tabula rasa was a great name for a writer. I tend to add an X because it's rare to get "tabularasa" as a username, and the X is indeed for X-Files (so I'm something like tabulaxrasa most places). I usually go by Tabula Rasa or Tab, though. And I still use it because 1) it IS a great name for a writer; and 2) it's not fandom-specific so I can keep it in every fandom.

I identify with it so much I have answered to this name in class (oops). I have a "Tab" t-shirt (as in the soda, but I have worn it to Comic-Con for ease of ID-- better than a nametag!). And my mom got me a necklace with a "tab" typewriter key as a charm, which I adore. Yes, I have accidental merch of myself.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

As you can tell from the above, my family knows (my family being my parents and sister). They are supportive! I think my mom read a couple stories? But obviously she has to know the fandom to get it... I got my sister into fic, and we even wrote a couple fics together (in Gundam Wing). She's a lot more selective about fandoms, but she's joined fandoms on her own, too. She's just not in one constantly, like me. :p

I tend not to tell not-online friends unless I have felt them out and know they're super fannish, or they bring it up first.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

Most of my old fic is now on AO3 and I hang out on twitter a lot, @tabula_x_rasa

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

I'm really glad people are still in this fandom! It will always be so important to me. Thank you Lilydale, for this nostalgia trip!

(Posted by Lilydale on March 30, 2021)

#old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #tabula rosa

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sunflowerandco · 3 years

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After the Fact: Act IV - Resolve

Act I / Act II / Act III

Rating: M/T

Courtney put the finishing touches on her final history paper. She had spent the better half of her morning, not to mention the week, perfecting the last portion of her thesis statement equipped with a counterargument and conclusion to complete. With her last task being editing, she gave herself five minutes to look at her phone. She noticed an abundance of messages from an assumed-to-be-hungover Bridgette in the aftermath of her bachelorette party.

thanks for taking me home court

at least i assume u took me home

i don't remember much haha

Courtney chuckled as she read the amount of mind gymnastics Bridgette put herself through. The coffee she attempted to sip on was beyond cold at this point.

Yes, that was me lol. Rest up for tomorrow's rehearsal dinner.

She shifted her focus to her laptop again before she heard their bedroom door close, and footsteps grow closer. Duncan entered the living room with his flannel half-buttoned, and his hair still wet from the shower. She remembered his excitement from the other day about having two new clients book appointments at the tattoo shop for today, and figured he was getting ready to head out. "Morning, Princess. How's the paper going?" She responded with her eyes still on the screen, studying each sentence's legitimacy.

"I'm done actually! Now all it needs is a little polishing."

"Even after being partying all of last night?"

"Luckily, I never get drunk to the point where I can't function the next day," Courtney stretched her arms out. "And can still tend to my maid of honor duties." Duncan caught her wrists by his hand in a flirtatious effort to get her attention, encouraging a longer break from her extensive work. She had been going at it for nearly four hours before he walked in. He had no intention of breaking her focus earlier, but this moment was an exception.

Courtney looked at him over her shoulder signaling for him to let go and placed her fingers on the keyboard again. "What about you? Were you handling the 'best man' title properly?" Duncan smirked before teasing her. "I am. But I could hardly focus with all the attention I was getting last night." Courtney rolled her eyes while he added on. "How was the club last night?"

Courtney played up her response to throw him off. "Oh, nothing. The usual strip club activities. Drinks flowing, ass and abs in your face," She turned to face him over her shoulder again. "Bridgette and the girls seemed to really enjoy themselves."

Duncan hunched over to the level of her desk chair, placing his hands on her shoulders. "They can't do this though," he said softly in her ear. He kissed slowly down her neck and Courtney's head automatically tilted to the left to give him better access. She still tried to keep her eyes on her paper, but the lower his hands went down her arms, the more her concentration wavered. She inaudibly gasped when she felt his fingers cling to the hem of her shirt, his knuckles grazing her sides. His voice still rang softly in her ear. "Want me to stop?" Duncan faced her and waited for her answer.

Courtney shook her head no, and Duncan's hands made their way underneath her shirt and lightly brushed up and down her waist. His lips traveled from her neck to her shoulder, and his hands brushed up once more before they cupped her breasts. She gasped lightly at the sensation the pattern of his thumbs circling gave. Every flick sent shocks down to her core. She could barely get his name out of her mouth.

"Duncan..." She could feel him smirking against her neck, and she rolled her eyes.

"Tell me what you want." His hands remained under the tight fabric of her shirt. Truth be told, he wanted her since last night. Being surrounded by other women just made him want Courtney even more. His mind filled with visuals of the two of them, and he couldn’t, would never complain.

It increasingly became more prevalent to Duncan that he didn't want to see anyone else the way he saw Courtney. It had been that way for five years, and he couldn't see it changing at all.

"Take me. On the couch."

In one motion Duncan turned the chair on its wheels so that she was facing him. He wrapped one arm around her waist and one hand to the back of Courtney's thigh. Courtney was finally at eye level with him, and her hands cupped his face when she hungrily drew kisses on his lips, lightly tugging on his lower lip with her teeth. When she let go, he planted soft kisses on her inner thighs. Duncan had every intention to burn her tension away to construct new pressure by some incredibly desirable design. Courtney lied back when they heard her phone ring on the desk. Duncan sighed and loosened the grip he had on her thighs when her attention shifted.

She reluctantly got up from the couch to see Bridgette's name flash across the screen, and she picked it up to answer. "Hello?" She was met with a panicked, hasty voice on the line. Bridgette's words seemed to all get launched into the air at the same time.

"Courtney! I really need you! I woke up to go to the bathroom and I tried to take my ring off before going in the shower and it's not on my finger!" Courtney tried her best to calm her down and retrace her steps.

"Okay, okay, Bridgette. Slow down. It could've fallen off somewhere in your place. Or in your bed?"

"No I swear I looked everywhere! What if I l-left it at the club or something?"

"Then, we'll look there. We'll look everywhere we can, okay? Do you need me to pick you up?"

"Yes"

"Okay, then I'll be there in twenty minutes. See you soon." Courtney set her phone down and took a deep breath. Duncan made his way to her to rub his hands along her arms. "Go ahead. You have maid of honor duties, and I have to go head to the shop." She gave him a peck before turning to their bedroom to get dressed.

"Don't forget where we left off! And good luck today!" Duncan wouldn't forget feeling extremely lucky in their version of a predicament.

***

Courtney entered their apartment after having dropped off Bridgette once again from a panic-filled escapade that ended in good resolve. Her ring was found, back on her finger, and all each had to worry about was the rehearsal dinner happening on the next day. Courtney was more than prepared for the day. She was already looking forward to a night on the couch before another eventful day.

Courtney dumped her purse on the table in the hallway preceding the living room. She could make out that the lights were on, but it was eerily quiet. She called out for him.

"Babe? Are you in there?"

Duncan affirmed in a low voice. "Yeah. I'm in here."

When she walked into the living room, she found Duncan sitting on the couch. His head was down, and he was covering one side of his face with his hand. She hastily walked up to him and gently lifted his head by his chin to see fresh, major discoloration around his right eye that extended down to his cheek. His bright teal eyes stared into Courtney's earnestly. She instinctively opened her mouth in shock.

"What happened to you?" Courtney quickly turned on her heels. She grabbed an ice pack from the freezer and placed it above his cheek. He took hold of it before he started talking.

His voice remained as low as possible. His explanation was simple, but he couldn't express it simply. His tone seethed with unresolved anger. "I got in a fight at the shop." He got up from the couch and his back toward Courtney.

"A fight?! What the hell were you thinking?!" She followed behind him. "You could lose your job doing stuff like that!"

He finally turned to her in disbelief. "Is that all you care about?!" Courtney couldn't help but feel misunderstood. She was angry at him for misinterpreting; she was angry at herself for her choice of words. It grew harder for her to control the volume of her voice.

"No! Thats not the case. I just thought you'd learn not to risk good things for yourself and let your anger go for once!"

They usually bickered. Got under each other’s skin as a way of flirting, but this time felt incredibly different from the others. They could see each other's upset, their words jumbled up and void of understanding for the other's point of view. A passionate need for one to grasp onto the other's words but failing in execution.

Duncan's desire to explain himself diminished when he realized she already made her assumptions, but he still took offense to Courtney's words. "I’m not gonna be perfectly poised like you, so you can forget that Courtney." There wasn't much more she could say before he passed her to slam their bedroom door shut.

Courtney got so worked up she holed herself into her studying nook. She read over passages in her textbook until she wasn't thinking about Duncan anymore. One, two, three hours would pass by before she realized midnight had rolled around, and she was five minutes away from falling asleep onto her textbook. She had to join him in bed eventually.

She peered through the door. The light from the hallway highlighted the curves of Duncan under the comforter. She quietly lied on her side, but still faced the opposite way of him. It was the first and only time she ever felt cold under so many blankets. Courtney closed her eyes tightly and thought of every possible scenario she could imagine until her mind let her slip away.

***

Duncan's eyes fluttered open slowly when the morning sun beamed on his face through the window. He looked next to him to see the girl he pulled in every morning wasn't on her side of the bed. The gel pack he steadily held to his eye for most of the night landed off his body and onto the floor when he lifted the blankets. He left the room, and still no sign of Courtney. He assumed she already met with Bridgette to help prepare the rehearsal dinner.

Duncan stepped into the bathroom and was reminded of incident that gave him this very bruise. The memory of the conversation before the incident rang in his mind repeatedly. He had followed all the guidelines taught to him by Anya, kept his cool to the best of his ability, and he still managed to fuck up. He managed to mess things up with Courtney.

"I'm sorry, dude. You're way too drunk. I cannot give you a tattoo."

Still, he was met with hostility. An angry drunk who wouldn't take no for an answer. He thought about her once.

"Then what the fuck do you assholes get paid for?! Either you do what I ask, or I'll make you!"

He was shoved. Punched. He thought about her once more. He knew what she'd say, and situations like these kept her voice in the back of his head. But Duncan had a difficult time facing the habit of establishing this desired image in a new public setting. It worked out for him at times in his youth; hurting before he could get hurt and maintaining the reputation that kept people out of his way. Yes, his job is still intact, and he could thank Anya for her judgement. However, all he saw in the mirror was a mark brought onto him that, in retrospect, wasn't even worth it. The ice prevented it from shutting his eye completely, and only gave his lid a grim, purple hue. All he saw in their room was the empty bed he fell asleep angry and woke up in.

***

Duncan pulled up to the old manor the wedding and dinner were taking place. He stopped short of the fountain that led to the path of the entrance for valet. He opened double doors and was swept into high ceilings, music relevant to the occasion, and too much dark wood. He was seen by a few members of the wedding party, Marie, Chet, and Betty, by the coat room. He gave an efficient wave before realizing why their mouths were agape.

He gave up and instead walked down another hall, into another room, and there she was. The only woman that could catch his eye when he walked into a room. She had her back turned and was engaged in conversation with Bridgette and their high school classmate, LeShawna. She was wearing that red backless dress she brought home last week; her beautiful, warm skin uncovered. He knew he stared a little too long when Bridgette noticed him from across the room. Bridgette's halt in conversation made Courtney turn around. Their eyes automatically locked, and all the supposed anger expressed the night before didn't matter to him. He wanted to talk to her, to talk things out between them. He could admit they were both hurt in the process, and maturity begets resolve. But he was brought out of his thoughts when Geoff put a hand on his shoulder.

"Dude! I was looking for you! I need to-" He was cut off when Duncan turned to face him, and his focus ceased. "What the hell happened to you?" Duncan brushed it off, shook his head, and deemed it not worth explaining.

"Don't worry about it. What did you need?"

"Last minute question that I totally forgot to ask you: steak or fish?"

"Uh... steak?"

"Okay, great! That's what I told the caterers." A voice projected over the loudspeaker.

"Dinner is now served. Everyone can enter the dining room at this time."

***

After hours of preparation and arranging, Courtney and Bridgette were able to enjoy the venue they spent the entirety of their day in. Courtney stuck to the nervous bride's side throughout conversations she'd have with the wedding party. Of course, they were all people she grew close with over the years, but months of preparation would leave any bride fretful of failure. They were both truly able to relax when LeShawna arrived. They were free to talk and laugh about anything they wanted, and Courtney could take her mind off the one guy she looked around for every now and then. It was a special bond for those who've met in their youth could only describe.

"Yes, he told me he loved me after throwing up on a Ferris wheel. Thing was going 5 miles per hour!"

"He did not!" LeShawna said in between laughs. "Why am I just hearing about this now?"

"To save him from total embarrassment, LeShawna. That's why!" LeShawna turned to Courtney this time.

"What about you, Courtney? I think we all know Duncan said it first." Bridgette giggled as she added along.

"Oh my gosh, yes! I remember the day you told me like it was yesterday." Bridgette's voice wavered towards the end of her recollection. "You were so freaked out..." Her eye contact came to a complete stop, and Courtney's curiosity made her head turn.

That's when she saw him.

She felt a warm wave flow through her when she noticed his gaze. All the fear that kept her from hopeful thinking vanished after her eyes locked with his in some natural happenstance. He was wearing the black suit jacket and tie they picked out together last week. She hated to admit it, but the bruised eye and darkened knuckles made him even more enticing. Seeing him look for her created this magnetic pull that she couldn't fight off. Both of her friends' comments fell into the background; the sound of their voices fading more and more.

"His eye doesn't look too bad."

"The look is actually very on-brand for Duncan."

Their stare broke when Geoff appeared behind him, and he turned his head. She turned back to her friends slowly as well. She couldn't really say anything, nor did she want to talk about her problems on Bridgette's special weekend, so she just smiled half-heartedly. She had told Bridgette what happened before the guests arrived, but Courtney firmly restricted talking about it when the event started. She was spared of any questions when the loudspeaker ushered the wedding party into the dining room.

Courtney and LeShawna looked for their name cards in front of seats at the table. They sat down next to each other when Duncan found his own seat across from Courtney at the table while Bridgette and Geoff entered together.

"Hi everyone! I just wanted to thank all of you for coming tonight and taking on the task of becoming bridesmaids, groomsmen, best man, and maid of honor." Geoff continued this time. "We're really happy to share that my father, the host, has prepared a few words to say tonight." Bridgette sat down next to Courtney in the center, Geoff did the same across from her.

He stood up from his chair, notecards in his hand, and Courtney gave him her full attention. "Good evening. I'm Daniel Patton, this is my wife, Donna, and we're so thankful you could join us on the eve of Geoff and Bridgette's wedding. I'm so honored to be speaking in front of you all for two people who are very special to me. Way back when my boy was twelve, I knew Geoff was head over heels for Bridgette. He'd never stop talking about her, and he started making changes about himself. I never complained about it because that just meant from now on, he'd shower every day." He paused for a moment while light chuckles filled the room. "If there's one thing you could take away from this lovely couple, it would be their unconditional love for each other." Daniel gestured to them before he continued. "Love, above all, is a choice you make every day when you wake up in the morning." Courtney stared down into her lap as she took in his words. She tried not to remember the flames of her anger that lead her and Duncan to the state of their relationship and couldn't help but blame herself. She felt a light tap on her leg coming from across the table and looked forward. She looked at him and she swore time stopped.

He'd given her that look before. In times where she got so wrapped up in her own thoughts and couldn't think straight. She was brought back to her bedroom in her frantic search for their clothing and his incredulous ability to bring that sense of calm to her body with just his shirt and a look. She allowed herself to bore into his eyes for this moment as Daniel spoke words of guidance. She felt the dust of her dueling thoughts settle. "You choose the one you're in love with through life's trials and tribulations. Even in the midst of your anger, choose love. It's the ultimate test of strength. Choosing love is the reason I get welcome Bridgette to our family and celebrate the joining of two people who become better every day because of their union." Their exchange came to a halt when Daniel requested everyone to raise a toast to the bride and groom. Still, the feeling radiated in her chest knowing it would all be okay.

***

After the dinner came the afterparty, and as much as Courtney loved her friends, she admittedly needed a minute to give into her introverted nature. She spent the beginning of the event looking for Duncan to find her boyfriend getting swept up to party with the groomsmen. Courtney felt compelled to stop him. To get him to follow her. In an unusual feat, she snuck away to the second floor of the manor and found a balcony in one of the parlors looking over an abundance of mountains. She decided the houses on them always looked better far away. Courtney breathed in deeply and shut her eyes when a light breeze passed. Her head turned at the sound of the voice she wanted to hear all night.

"Want company?"

"Duncan, I-"

"Wait," He pulled her into a warm embrace, buried his face into her neck, and his frame swallowed hers the tighter he held onto her. Courtney sighed mostly in relief, and all the words she suppressed years ago in his car came rushing to her. She needed him to know everything.

"I'm sorry for the way I expressed my worry. I just saw the black eye and immediately thought about the past. I didn't even ask how it happened." By now they were face to face. "Losing your job is not what I care about most. It's losing you that scares me." She cursed herself when tears brimmed in her eyes. Duncan's hands traveled up to hold her face. "I-I love you so much, Duncan. You're the only person I see with me when I think of my future, and you're never this perfect version of yourself, and neither am I. We're just us, and it's enough." She didn't notice how heavy her breath felt until she let all the words out. He let her go before he started explaining himself.

"In a way I knew what you meant. Sometimes I just go back to the past, too, knowing there were no real consequences for the shit I did. Detention, suspension, and sometimes juvie. I never really cared. But I've gained too much these past few years to let some loser take it away from me." Duncan could only lay himself bare this way to Courtney. He was always flirtatious, and he had no problem telling her exactly how he felt. "You save my life every time, Princess. If it's me who you want to ruin yours, then I'm your guy." Courtney playfully rolled her eyes at the comment.

"Please ruin my life, Duncan." Courtney genuinely smiled knowing their lives could go back to how they love it. Duncan wasted no time to express the thought he'd been holding in since last night.

"Don't have to tell me twice. Also, you can stop pretending my eye doesn't turn you on."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, come on, Courtney." Duncan slowly inched closer to her. "You're telling me you don't want me, right here, right now?" Courtney looked him up and down and turned her back on him as she held onto the railing of the balcony.

She had to admit the clash of his formal wear with his bruises aroused her in every aspect. While her mind kept her too lost in thought to respond, Duncan hunched slightly over her, his hands on her shoulders, and left kisses down her neck with every statement.

"I want you. I want to pick up where you told me not to forget, and you look incredibly sexy in this dress."

She turned to face him and kissed him in an ardent haze. Every pattern they drew made her want to deepen the kiss. She ran her tongue lightly across his lower lip, and he parted his lips wider to give her enough space to pour all her love onto him.

Courtney pulled him in close enough to have her back leaning on the balcony. Duncan had one hand in her hair and another hand on her bare back pressing her against him.

Courtney stole a moment to look behind them to see no one outside currently. Duncan leaned in, and her hand stood on his chest to slow him down. Her mind jumped back and forth between chasing release in this setting, but she couldn't withstand the pull. "I can't believe I'm saying this... Did you bring protection?"

"Always do."

"I hate y- ah!" Courtney yelped as Duncan lifted her over his shoulder from the balcony to the parlor. When Duncan lied her down on the chaise lounge, Courtney sat up to kiss him again. Duncan used one hand to hold her back and the other to loosen his tie. In hushed exchanges and rushed session, Courtney contradicted her words over and over, and knew she would continue to do so for years to come.

A/N: I apologize if this was out of character as i'm still trying to determine their words/choice as adults this far in their relationship. ANYWAY i hope you liked. tell me what you think

#td courtney #duncney #duncney fic

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thejudgingtrash · 4 years

Note

I'm not going to deny myself the right of being a basic bitch and ask Percy and Annabeth for the super cool character headcanon meme

TOh boy. Let’s do this!

First of all, our beloved Perseus Jackson:

Songs he has on his phones are Mr. Brightside by The Killers, Deja Vu by Beyoncé, Tired of Being Alone by Al Green and I Feel Love by Donna Summer. Fuck it. Everything Donna Summer has ever released (I know that Percy is a “rock guy” in canon, but let me ignore that lol. Or rather say that I’m not limiting it to white people rock. In my head he’s also a huge jazzer, funk, disco, hip-hop/rap, r&b/soul and even pop guy)

He falls asleep at the beach and bodies of water. C’mon. Like he’s trying to teach a kid how to surf, feels a wave hit him and his body is like: YUP LET’S SLEEP!

Percy crushes his rounds at DnD

He uses 💀 instead of the laughing emoji

Percy is the type of groggy guy. You need to repeat yourself a few times so that he gets the memo

He is a hot cocoa guy and he’s not ashamed of it. He goes the full nine yards with marshmallows, cookies and whipping cream. Could prepare that shit 24/7 regardless of season, day, hour. Whatever

Percy is the type of guy that needs movement whenever he’s upset. He walks, he speeds around in his apartment, he just doesn’t sit still until he’s collected himself for a little bit

He wanted to be a zookeeper as a kid. Now he wouldn’t mind being the trophy husband that tends the kids at home lol

He is a cloud-free kinda guy. It doesn’t have to be incredibly sunny. Just the cerulean sky and him united

He has a bass voice and can hit lower notes without any issues and can support into higher notes and hits a nice falsetto from times to times. But lower notes are his thing. Also has a perfect pitch. Because I say so. Yes.

He doodles dolphins that give the middle finger lol

And now: Annabeth Chase

Songs she listens to are Venus by Banamarama, Forever and Always by Taylor Swift, Cruise by Florida Georgia Line feat. Nelly and Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! by ABBA (I think she listens to a lot of soft country and 70s/80s classics, preferably disco. But also Indie Dance)

She always falls asleep at her desk preferably when she actually has to study. The bedroom is an entire mess, the bed is the place where she eats, so the desk it the sorta the only chaos free zone. Well.

Annabeth destroys it with the Sims. Of course, the Sims isn’t competitive but have you seen those videos with people creating mansions, luxury apartment complexes, etc. with or without CC? Creating hyperrealistic looking Sims with all sorts of downloads? Yeah. She would be one of those people. Twelve hours just to decorate the smallest bathroom in a house, but it would look BOMB

😊 because she isn’t able to read emotions through messages well and uses just uses this to answer to stuff where she doesn't know whether the other person was being sarcastic or not (happens to me all the time lol. People, use emojis please. It makes it easier.). And also uses that thing passive aggressively. Aka she sounds pressed 24/7

Annabeth snaps at your sorry ass should she have not gotten her eight hours of sleep and apologizes a day later when she’s realized her mistake

Annabeth drinks black coffee in the mornings but green tea in the evening

Should she be in a slump, she’d hit Pinterest and browse for hours until she forgets what upset her in the first place

Annabeth wanted to become an architect since forever. And well, now she’s still at it and studying to be one

Annabeth is the either sunny day and I’m having outside activities or it’s gray and rainy and I’m inside covered in a large blanket and snuggling Percy kinda gal

She has a soprano voice but cracks at really high notes. Nice support in the mid-range registers. Forget lower notes. Can hold a few tunes but would need to polish her abilities with a teacher in the longterm. But the melodies she hums sound truly beautiful

Annabeth is the type of drawing a huge mandala & zentangle person. She’s totally up in that aesthetic. She also bullet journals and knows hand lettering and combines both of those things for the prettiest pages. But only if she really sits down and takes her time. Apart from that her writing looks like shit.

Send me a character for the super cool headcanon meme!

#mel answers #pjo #Percy Jackson #annabeth chase #percabeth #pjo headcanon #hoo #heroes of olympus

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onigiriico · 3 years

Text

Osora Interview translation (pt.2)

(printed in AnimaniA 4/2018, p.58 - 61 / interview originally given in March 2018 at the Manga-Comic-Con in Leipzig, Germany)

( pt.1 )

The Internet offers Let’s Players, but also all kinds of artists an opportunity for very direct communication with their fans. However, this can also have its downsides when it comes to potentially negative feedback. How do you deal with this issue?

—Sometimes you just stumble across negative feedback that you didn’t want to see, and that can chip away at your motivation and creativity. I try to prevent that by not really looking at reactions in the first place, and when I do happen to see negative feedback, I try to forget about it again as soon as possible. Of course, when I start a new series, I’m curious about the readers’ reactions and go looking for feedback, but if eight out of ten comments are very positive and two are negative, I still tend to get stuck thinking about those two negative comments. There even was a time when that negative feedback made me feel too depressed to draw for a couple of days. But the more often this happens, the more you learn to deal with this criticism. I can stomach it pretty well by now, and I think it’s important to not let negative feedback get to you.

Did your experience regarding interactions with readers change much from Boku to Senpai no Tekken Kousai to The Ones WIthin?

—Digital publications receive a lot more feedback than series that are only released in print - be it via email or via Twitter. Twitter is the main source of comments. With Boku to Senpai no Tekken Kousai, there was much less of a response, and the feedback that we did get was usually in the form of letters. Since readers had to buy the magazine first and then go out of their way to send a letter, that was a lot more complicated. (T/N: i.e. it takes more time to write/send a whole letter than to just send a tweet)

How do you handle responding to messages from your readers? For example, do you set specific times for yourself to reply?

—Since I get the most reader interaction on Twitter, I try to answer questions and comments there when I find the time for it. I always do that myself because I want to respond to my fans in my own words. That doesn’t feel like extra work to me, but rather like a pleasant change of pace. Aside from my personal account, there’s also the official account for The Ones Within, which is mostly for promotional use. My editor retweets my tweets there and forwards any questions that get asked there to me.

Could you describe your usual daily routine when working on The Ones Within?

—I’m a night owl, so I usually get up rather late at around 10 am. After that, I basically work in two rounds. The first lasts the entire day and ends in the evening, around dinner time. Then I take a short break, and the second round starts at around 9 pm and ends at roughly 2 am. If I’m close to a deadline, I sometimes just continue drawing until I pass out. (lol) I never take much time to eat at that point, either.

What advantages are there to drawing digitally in comparison to drawing traditionally?

—Oh, there’s a lot - especially how easy it is to make corrections and adjustments. Your work space is neater and other people can’t stare as easily at what you’re drawing. There’s no need to erase sketches or apply screentones by hand (T/N: see here how screentones are applied traditionally, it’s definitely faster digitally lol), so there’s not as many work steps either and you can finish your work even on your own [without assistants]. And since it’s all data anyway, it’s easy to save as well.

Do you have any advice for artists who are just starting to work digitally?

—Practice makes perfect! I used to have a private page online where I more or less kept a drawing diary, all about original characters. I still kind of do the same thing on Twitter nowadays. It’s important to keep at it and actually draw on a daily basis, that way you’ll get used to it. There’s also live streams from artists on Pixiv and Twitter - it’s helpful to watch those and adapt parts of their progress for your own work.

You’ve shown us a picture of one of your notebooks that you use to jot down your ideas - where do you usually come up with these? (*picture under the cut at the bottom of the post)

—There’s two main places where I tend to draw spontaneously. For one, on the train - usually after meetings with my editor. I can best sort out my thoughts right after those meetings and save some first ideas. Secondly, in bed, right before going to sleep. Ideas flow really easily when you’re sleepy and letting your thoughts wander. Also, I’d feel like I’m wasting my time if I did nothing and just waited to fall asleep, so instead I imagine as many scenarios as possible and jot down the best ones. When I come up with something I especially like, I might also get up again and draw it digitally right away. (lol) I don’t take my notebooks with me everywhere I go, though.

Both Boku to Senpai no Tekken Kousai and The Ones Within combine dark, mysterious elements with more comedic ones. How do you find a balance between these two aspects, and what do you like so much about combining these opposites?

—I like both comedy and serious plots, so I wanted to draw both - in the end, I combined the two without really thinking much about it. I usually just let this come to me naturally while I’m drawing too, although I do keep the timing in mind. For example, it wouldn’t be appropriate to make a joke in the middle of a sad or serious scene, and vice versa. So, I take care not to destroy the atmosphere that I’m trying to convey [in each given scene].

Personally, which character from The Ones Within is your favorite?

—I can’t really “rank” my characters because I love them all! Going by who’s the easiest to draw, it would be Anya. He’s a pretty straight-forward type, so he’s easy to understand. He’s also the only one who looks angry a lot of the time and has eye bags… and his accessories, like the helmet, his iron bar or the chewing gum - they make him stand out and thus easy to draw.

Do you already have an ending planned for The Ones Within or do you still have a few options to choose from?

—The ending is already planned out!

Do you maybe already have a new project in the works that you would like to tell us about?

—For now, I’m just really happy that The Ones Within is getting an anime adaptation and I can finally talk about it, now that it’s getting officially announced this May! I can’t wait to see my characters animated on the screen!

A final word to your fans?

—Thank you so much for reading my manga! There are so many Japanese manga series out there, and I’m really happy that you chose to read mine out of all of them. The Ones Within is getting an anime adaptation, and of course the manga is still ongoing as well, so I hope you will stick around and enjoy it until the end. Thank you!

Osora-sensei, thank you very much for the interview!

I tried to decipher these but the picture was too small to read much sadly agdjsdvhs

The bigger page seems to be some Kudou bros goodness? They seem to be talking about Shinya having Kenya's piercings (and maybe about Anya getting piercings as well, considering his very resolute "I don't want to." lol) and they're also mentioning ramen at some point from what I can decipher

And the bottom right looks like some kind of character relationship chart / worldbuilding notes,,,

#osora #the ones within #naka no hito genome #nakageno #boku to senpai no tekken kousai #translation #mangaka #mangaka interview #I feel dread knowing that Osora has the ending planned and might drop it on us some day after this hiatus lmao

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eremiie · 3 years

Note

okay and for the matchup!!! im gonna try and make this as descriptive as possible but if u want more info pls lmk :)) also it would be cool if it was a guy and it would be REALLY cool if it wasn’t zeke (him and i just don’t click idk i hope that doesn’t mess u up:()

for physical i use she/her pronouns, i’m a about 5’6 and a little on the thicker/curvier side! idk if this is tmi or not but i’m pretty hefty in terms of 🍒 but i got NOTHING for 🍑 :(( breaks my heart aNYWAY i have long light brown hair and my two front pieces are dyed blonde/silver ish, i have blue eyes and wear glasses!! in terms of makeup i tend to do more natural stuff like basic foundation and mascara and that stuff but that’s mostly bc i suck at everything else 😭

my zodiac sign is sagittarius (november sag if that helps) and i’m an enfp!! i tend to be a little shy when i first meet people but once i warm up it’s hard to make me shut up lmao i loooooooove meeting new people and getting to know them and ngl i do tend to over share a little bit so that can be a little overwhelming but i’m pretty good at reading ppl so i know when it’s too much you know ?? i also think i’m one of the funniest ppl i know LMAO i’m always laughing at my own jokes and i love to make other ppl laugh it makes me so happy!! in terms of my type of humor it’s pretty sarcastic but i will literally laugh at anything (except things that are messed up i’m not down for DARK humor). also i’m like hella nice tbh i’m probably overly nice to a lot of ppl BUT i also stand up for myself when need be and i’m not afraid to be honest and blunt!

as for bad personality traits i can definitely be a little jealous and i tend to overthink things a lot. i am NOT a morning person if i wake up any earlier before like 10am i’m usually pretty cranky for the rest of the day which is pretty annoying lmao. i’m pretty forgetful so if someone tells me to do something they usually have to do it a few more times before it hits me. also i’m the absolute worst at math and i was pretty careless in school :/ i didn’t like get into trouble or anything but i definitely slacked off in terms of grades and caring about things like that.

i’m p sure my love languages are quality time and physical touch bc i’m a HUUUUGE sucker for hugs and hand holding and stuff like that 🥺 i also really think 1 on 1 time with a s/o is important but i for sure think it’s good to have time apart or time with like a group of friends too!!

for hobbies i love to play video games, hang out with friends, listen to music, watch movies and tv and write!! i spend way too much time playing games like minecraft and legend of zelda and i can pretty much listen to anything except for country lol i love comedy and horror movies and tbh i’m kinda a sucker for romance movies 😳 i go to target like every day and just kinda walk around and before covid i loved going out to eat with friends and going to the arcade!!! i’m for sure more of a city person than a country girl and i love spending time downtown just walking around or going to baseball games or whatever!!

for future goals tbh i’m not really sure yet ?? i’m interested in maybe being a therapist or a teacher when i’m older but like i said i don’t have any like set goals career wise. i do want to get married but i don’t really want kids unless i maybe adopt ?? (fun fact i’m TERRIFIED of pregnancy for some reason lmao is that weird). i would L O V E to travel the world someday and see all of the different cultures and places i think that would be so unbelievably fun :))

turn ons include bondage, degradation, wax, dirty talk, and idk if this has a name but having to be quiet 😳😳😳 tbh pretty much everything except for feet, blood, p!ss, and pet (those are the turn offs) but idk besides those id probably be willing to try anything at least once

i hope this wasn’t too long or not descriptive enough!!! again if u need more info pls don’t hesitate to message me and ask i’m an open book :))) thank u sm for doing this muah ur an angel <33333

i match you up with...

connie springer.

i match you up because...

connie could care less how shy you were at first because he definitely opened you up, but not by his own will, you just felt so comfortable around him to open up in the first place. he just listens to what you have to say, it might seem like he doesn’t care but he’s really listening. you think you’re real funny? when you’re with connie you guys are both hilarious together and crack up at the stupidest stuff but it’s literally so funny because it’s with him. he appreciates that you can stand up for yourself and you’re straight forward so he doesn’t really have to jump in when you’re getting in it with other people— not that he won’t if you ask, he just isn’t a fan of drama if he isn’t watching it. connie isn’t great at reassuring you when you get jealous and start overthinking but i think there aren’t many moments when you do with him because you guys are always spending immense quality time together that is such a vibe it leaves no room for any thinking. connie doesn’t wake up early and neither do you so you don’t have to worry about waking up early when you live with him. you and connie are forgetful but you’re forgetful together— that’s not really a positive but it’s funny. you guys also both slack off in school work, which you probably both tried to fix but it didn’t work out. he enjoys that your love language is quality time becayse like i said, y’all spend a lot of it together. he doesn’t mind your affectionate but don’t expect much back in return.

you guys play video games together all the time, in the same house but different rooms, or sitting on the floor in front of the couch together

both of you once slept in together until 3pm and decided it was too late to even start your day, so got up and then went back to bed together

you and connie constantly go places together, and always try to go new places at that as well

you guys go out to eat at fast food chains really late at night

both of you tried to study together but y’all literally laughed like the whole entire time and got no progress done

you like watching movies with him but he always falls asleep like 15 minutes in so you take pictures of him sleeping

you guys go to walmart & target all the time to literally just look around

your runner up was eren, hope you enjoyed your matchup!

#eremiie aot matchups

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yourpreciouslilbub · 3 years

Text

park woo jin ft lee dae hwi pt. 1 (random imagines)

member: park woo jin ft. lee dae hwi

genre: fluff, au

warnings: wrong grammar, cringiness (read at ur own risk)

summary: daydreaming about changing lives by imagining having swapping bodies with a celebrity

• y/n is so done with her life.

• online classes just make her behavior worst and tired than having face to face.

• tends to isolate herself from her main accounts not minding chats and notifications.

• it's not that you don't care or mind about other people, you just don't feel communicating lmao

• prefer spending time by spazzing, watching k-dramas, or playing.

• on a night with a full moon, hearing those unstoppable sounds of dogs in your neighborhood.

• y/n suddenly thinks of having a different kind of life she has.

• kinda corny but wishes to experience those (be careful what you wish for)

• being weird and an overthinker she just let it pass, finally decides to sleep.

• next morning came, y/n wakes up with a bright vivid light that comes from the window.

• slowly progressing what happened on the verge of 'your mind is still asleep'

• a loud 'bugsh' was heard when you fall from your bed

• white long curtains, teddy bears and other cute stuff, a mini piano with lots of music sheets scattered on it,

• colorful post-it that you also read, "you can do it" "well done." "fans are waiting for you" "love myself too" "music is hard but it's all worth it".

• and a sweet smell of vaporized candles lingers around the room.

• y/n is amused yet nervous especially when he heard the door opens.

• "daehwi-yah we will eat now, what are you doing there on the floor? still asleep?"

• woong said, questioning y/n then laugh before closing the door.

• ofc you know him. it's woong the main vocalist and fake maknae of the k-pop group that you've been stanning since their debut ab6ix.

• confused still half-awake y/n decided to check her face by looking at the mirror (more like a routine or habit daehwi does lol every morning)

• "oh my god" y/n said in Korean that made her more shocked.

• purple pajamas with messy hair but still looking handsome on it is the image that you saw in front of the mirror.

• "how did this happen?" eyes are both wide open checking if this is freaking real.

• still not syncing into reality you decided to pounder thoughts

• when you heard the other members yell daehwi's name

• so your feet take you to the familiar and at the same time unfamiliar kitchen of ab6ix.

• "why are you so weird today, daehwi-yah?" woojin asked sending his signature sparrow gaze into you.

• you suddenly feel the urge to curse bcs first you are star-struck, second, it's bared face ab6ix your idols, third park woo jin is freaking asking you why daehwi is weird, lastly, daehwi is your bias and you are in his body?

• can't process the whole information, so you just shrugged at woojin's question then sit on the empty chair beside donghyun.

• everyone is busy chit-chatting while you just eat your food silently.

• the next hours went by smoothly except those kakao messages that came from other celebrities that you know too (daehwi being a social butterfly)

• and when your manager calls you for dance and vocal practice today along with the other members

• ofc you are nervous you don't sing and dance, and daehwi's prob professional especially when writing songs how are you supposed to do that?

• with cold hands you and the other members enter the practice room.

• woojin leads it and play a warm-up song first.

• y/n is very nervous but amused at how daehwi's body moves along the beat.

• you enjoyed vocal lessons too as you kept making vibrations on the songs.

• little you did know that woojin is observing you since this morning (y'all know that park woojin is the member whose daehwi are most close with so)

• you let out a big sigh when the classes are finally over but immediately taken aback when manly arms wrapped around your shoulders.

• "we should talk," woojin murmured then drag you until you two reach his room.

• woojin's room is a combination of black and white a typical minimalist person would love this adding his collection of action figurines.

• he's so manly, you thought to yourself.

• "daehwi-yah, spill it," he said breaking the silence between the two of you.

• "i-uh is there something that i s-should spill?" you want to slap yourself for stammering in front of him.

• while he gave you his 'oh pls btch stop acting like you don't know anything at all'

• when he realized that you don't have any plans to answer his question

• "YAHHHH PARK WOO JIN"

• "see? daehwi is not like that," he said while crossing his arms in front of you.

• did park woo jin literally brought his face closer to the point that you two could kiss and thinking of it happened a few moments ago made your face red like a tomato.

• "daehwi's not minding it but you— who are you?"

• y/n's heart suddenly beats faster than normal, she wants to defend herself but no words would escape from her lips.

• "sweetie, don't be afraid it's just me park woo jin" he said smiling showing his snaggletooth.

• intimidated. that's what you're feeling right now. seeing him this close makes your heartbeat wild adding that he's interrogating you.

• you didn't have a choice it's now or never so you told woojin everything.

• at first he didn't believe it but when he challenged you to make simple sentences for lyrics he started to believe you.

• months past like that, woojin is there guiding you every time he sees that you prob gonna ruin smth

• y/n and woojin always spend time a lot together after rehearsals, practices, classes, gym, or even if you don't have anything scheduled for the day.

• you know him for being clingy with daehwi as you always watch their behind clips but damn having skinship with woojin really hits different

• it made your heart flutter every time he does it (but u only keep it to yourself)

• he kisses you sometimes on your cheek when you two are alone

• that's how park woo jin and y/n became close.

• today y/n is super hype bcs she saw the first snow

• woojin messaged you on kakao stating that he has a surprise so you two agreed to meet

• knowing him, maybe it's another prank or somehow something nice happen for him to celebrate it

• so you decided to wear daehwi's purple balenciaga sweater partnered with burberry coat and ofc his favorite dior bag that you can't forget to bring with

• you really like to dress up that's why you don't find it hard to style daehwi bcs daehwi already have a lot of designer clothes that made it easier for you

• before heading out, you sprayed daehwi's saint laurent perfume enjoying your personal favorite scent among his collection

• "y/n, you're late" woojin called as he waves at you.

• "i am not, you're just early" you rolled your eyes at him realizing that he wears his balenciaga pack again.

• others would find it weird but you call it 'pack' bcs his overall fashion is all balenciaga and it makes you roll your eyes more at him bcs you already know that he's freaking rich

• does he want to slap on my face that he could buy this entire house just for me to say that he's freaking rich? you thought.

• woojin pulled your wrist making you sit beside him

• it's not that you feel awkward with him, what's with the pulling and the intense gaze that he gives you right now

• y/n can't look straight at woojin bcs of her wildly beating heart.

• woojin held your chin so that you could have an eye to eye contact and when you two have—

• "woojin i—"

• "y/n i—"

• you both said at the same time.

• when you broke eye contact and decided to stand up woojin stop you but this time he held your hand.

• he stands up filling the gap between the two of you

• y/n stand there froze don't know what to do

• again woojin approach you, slowly, pulling you closer to him (tho there's not that much diff abt hwi and woojin's height)

• "i like you, y/n" he said while seriously looking into your eyes

• and like instructions that you follow to do, next thing you knew you found yourself closing your eyes waiting for his lips to touch with yours

• but you suddenly feel dizzy,

• then started to feel hot, mixed emotions.

• "y/n?" "y/n?"

• you open your eyes finding yourself in front of your monitor having online classes

• "y/n, show us your talent now"

• you don't know what to feel, felt crying bcs finally you are now back with your original body, happy bcs woojin confessed to you a while ago, sad bcs you can't see and bond with them now, and there's a big question mark on why and how you returned in the time of your online classes.

#park woojin imagines #park woojin scenarios #park woojin au #lee daehwi scenarios #lee daehwi imagines #wanna one imagines #ab6ix #ab6ix imagines #wanna one

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imuybemovoko · 4 years

Text

I die inside while dissecting Jesus music

For this fun little exercise in self-torture, I’m going to find a weird worship song and dissect it. Today I feel like saying death-cult a distressing number of times so I’m going to find one that talks about how the next world is supposed to be better for this one.

I’m probably going to regret this. And probably cope by blasting metal while I do this.

I’ll go with a bit of low-hanging fruit for this first one: Even So Come. It’s attributed six ways to Sunday because like seven different artists/groups have a recording of it somewhere out public, but this lyric site thingy says Chris Tomlin. Some of these songs get wildly popular to the point where even as a church guitar guy (read: very large fan of this shitty music) I tended to find it a bit confusing to tell who originally wrote them. This is an example. I think it was probably Kristian Stanfill but uh... I can never be 100% sure. I’ve been wrong about ones I was way more sure about before.

This song is repetitive as fuck, like a lot of these, because what helps indoctrinate people more than literally singing the same words for 15 minutes?

Let’s get into this shit.

The song

I’ll spare you a few minutes of your life if you want to keep it. I already linked the lyrics, but I’ll give this a quick listen to make sure Stanfill doesn’t literally freehand some new lyrics during the video; if he does, I’ll discuss that too I suppose. The whole point of this is that I’m listening to this shit so you don’t have to. But if you really want to, then go off I guess. I can’t and honestly wouldn’t try to stop you. Unless this shit is triggering to you. In that case please don’t listen. It used to fuck me up hard when my brother would blast songs like this in the shower after I deconverted. I don’t want that happening to anyone out there. Tread with caution.

Okay. I wrote that while I was listening, and apparently he doesn’t yeet off into new spontaneous lyrics at any point. I think that’s more of a Bethel thing, but I don’t remember it being exclusive to them so I had to make sure.

Ok, let’s do this more or less in order. I’ll take it a verse at a time. But first, let’s talk formatting. The first two verses aren’t separated by anything, and the third is after the first chorus. After the third verse they play the chorus again, then the bridge. The AZLyrics entry under Tomlin lists it twice; Stanfill plays it twice. When I was on the worship team at a church, we’d typically play the bridge four times for extra drama. After this, they end with two tricks. First is that they play the first half or so of the chorus, then a whole chorus right after it. Again, this is for extra drama. The leader of the worship team at my old church would tend to point to one part of the song as the “climax” and we’d do a fair amount of this kind of shit leading up to it. In this particular case, it’s actually most of the chorus, leaving off only the “even so come” lines. The break is at a lyrically appropriate place more often than it’s just like “haha 2 bars into the chorus” or something like that because of course the message has to be consistent. After this, they fade the song out by repeating the last line or two, like, umpteen times to foster a contemplative mood. (It works. I’ve been on both ends of this dynamic. If you’re in a more charismatic crowd, my experience suggests that this final repetition is the most likely point where someone’s going to fall out and start speaking in tongues or something. Also, in those circles sometimes one of the vocalists, most often the team leader because of course, will give some kind of “word from God” to the congregation.) That’s the format, and it’s a very common one. At church camps and retreats and events like those, often they’ll loop choruses or bridges or ending tags or, sometimes (but far less often), verses and extend a song like this one to like fifteen or twenty minutes. In a typical church service they don’t really do it that way though because people might get impatient or something.

On to the lyrics of this song. I’ll address the verses in order, then the chorus and bridge, then talk ordering, because doing this chronologically would get annoying as fuck. The first verse is as follows:

All of creation All of the earth Make straight a highway A path for the Lord Jesus is coming soon

Notice the equivocation in the first two lines here. The author most likely believes this is an accurate thing to equivocate, and so do most of their audience.

The next two lines are a similar repetition, using both modern and more Biblically-flavored language, in reference to Mark 1:3. The particular language used is not altogether different from most English translations. These lines, both in the sense that the author intends and in their function in the song, are meant to prepare the listener for what follows: “Jesus is coming soon.” A reminder of the inevitable apocalypse most Christian sects teach and, in their view, the second chronologically of two most important events in the entire history and future of the world (the first being the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ). Every verse of the song ends with this reminder.

To boil the message of this verse down into one word:

(I have entirely too much fun with this image lol)

The second verse:

Call back the sinner Wake up the saint Let every nation Shout of Your fame Jesus is coming soon

“Call back the sinner” implies a return to origins and contains an implicit reference to the prodigal son in the parable in Luke 15. The implication is that being a “sinner” (and I’ll discuss the dichotomy in a second here) is a life of running away from God either by ignorance or by choice, and that they were originally with God. The typical narrative on the mechanisms of the fall of man seems to suggest otherwise because only Adam and Eve were technically originally with God and everyone else starts out separated because of that lovely little generational curse thingy, this is a bit of an odd take, but in light of the evangelical perspective that not only a god, but their god is so self evident that people have to make the active choice to not believe, this makes an entire hell of a lot of sense, and “calling back the sinner” could entail saying “lol stop wasting your energy running from what you know.”

The next line engages in a bit of common guilt-tripping. Saying “wake up the saint” implies that believers and churches have fallen asleep in some sense, and that’s actually a perspective referenced in the letters to the seven churches in Revelation, each church getting a different flavor of messaging like this. When churches and saints are called to “wake up”, it means to cease engaging in whatever behavior is apparently polluting their message, i.e. forgetting the original reason they’re doing this, normalizing “worldly” practices, bad leadership paradigms, etc. Thus, I’m inclined to read this line as something like “you’re better than the rest of humanity; act like it.

Also of note is this dichotomy established here between “sinners” and “saints”. This is, on paper at least, the only important distinction in evangelicalism. (In practice they have a lot of shitty perspectives on women because of Paul’s writings as well as some class and/or racial biases, unconscious or conscious depending on the particular congregation.) A “saint” is a “true” Christian, one who is “set apart” from the world by God. A “sinner” is literally anyone else. In addition to their entire laundry list of harmless actions that are considered sins, Evangelicals (and probably many other Christians honestly) will say that to be non-Christian is a sin. In my old church and its affiliates I often heard that to remain non-Christian for an entire lifetime is the only unforgivable sin, identifying it with the “blasphemy of the Holy Spirit” referenced in Matthew 12:31. There are a wide variety of perspectives on what this “blasphemy of the Holy Spirit” actually means, and I can really only confidently speak to Calvary Chapel’s perspective on that. In any case, this song makes use of the “sinner vs saint” dichotomy common in Christianity. I analyze it as a typical “us vs them” with an added twist that says “the ‘them’ can become us and that’s better”.

After this is a reference to the passages in the Bible that speak of the Gospel being spread to “every nation” and things such as that, and that every nation will come under Christ’s lordship at the end of time. Then there’s a reminder that the singer is awaiting this apparently fast-approaching end.

The third verse:

There will be justice All will be new Your name forever Faithful and true Jesus is coming soon

This third verse is mostly a reference to events predicted to occur after the second coming of Christ. In Revelation, among other places, there is a described sequence of events in which the world comes absolutely fucking unglued, falls under the thumb of a tyrannical world government run by some guy who lets himself get possessed by Satan, and then is yeeted by God and soaked in the blood of Satan’s armies at the final battle. A bit later, for some reason Satan has to be let go for a bit, but he loses hard once again. After this, God yeets the unbelievers into hellfire and makes a new world which he rules forever. In short, the collapse, battles, and Great Divine Yeet are what this “justice” describes. The remaining lines speak of this renewed world run by Jesus himself. Lastly, we have the reminder that this is all going to happen before very long here.

There’s a bit of a double-reference thing going on here and in the second verse too, and I’m honestly not entirely sure what to make of it, but it shows up often in contemporary Christian music. They’ll switch between referring to God in second person (Your name forever) and in third person (Jesus is coming soon). It seems ...most likely to be a matter of convenience, and I’m rather inclined to treat it as that because the other things I think of seem either counter-productive or very, very outlandish. Like, are they alternating between addressing God and addressing the listener? Maybe, but the message of this song is so much more listener-directed that I find that thought kinda weird.

In any case, that’s the verses.

Now let’s get to the chorus. This is repeated after the first two verses and again several times after the third, and it contains a lot of deeply cursed metaphors. I mean holy fuck.

Like a bride Waiting for her groom We'll be a church Ready for You Every heart longing for our King We sing Even so come Lord Jesus come Even so come Lord Jesus come

So the first two little couplets here refer to a metaphor found in several places in scripture where the church is the “bride” of Christ. This. is. CREEPY! In the old testament, the role of the wife is often analogous to that of property, so that’s deeply gross. Further, Paul says men are the head of women, i.e. have great authority over them, and women should be subservient. Jesus doesn’t honestly do a whole hell of a lot to resist this, and powerful women throughout most of the scriptures are either defined as attaining their power in “God-honoring” subservient ways like Esther or as dangerous demonic influences operating under the “spirit of Jezebel”. (”Jezebel” is literally a scriptural term for this kind of thing; one of the church letters in Revelation uses it. Many evangelicals/fundies add “spirit of” because of their borderline-animistic take on spiritual warfare. I might describe that in more detail in a later post. It’s a metaphor based on an old-testament queen who is presented as manipulative and narcissistic, taking the real power in the kingdom from her husband by manipulation and doing a great deal of damage with it.) Thus, in this context, I find the “bride” metaphors inextricable from a tyrannical, abusive relationship in which the man, or in this case Christ, is the absolute head. Biblical ideas on marriage and family life are an entire problem too, establishing what I feel very confident in describing as an abusive power dynamic. Thus, this song references a metaphor by which Christ is described as having abusive control over his people. @kristian stanfill thanks I hate it. @whoever the fuck wrote the bible thanks I hate it. The couplet in this song is describing a situation in which the church is waiting to submit to an abusive authority and it’s fucking disgusting and I hate that I used to live that way.

The next line, “every heart longing for our king”, indicates that it’s normative to strongly desire this power dynamic and expresses a probably-genuine (mine was) desire for more of Jesus on the part of the writer and the singer. So with these preconditions established, they say, “we sing, even so come, Lord Jesus, come”, repeating “even so come” and on twice for added weight. The chorus and bridge are, by the way, where this seems to get deathculty.

Remember that in referencing the coming of Jesus, they reference ideas that this world is shitty and being dead and in heaven/having the world destroyed by God and replaced is going to be a hell of a lot better. The Bible and many churches, particularly evangelicals, will even use language like “dying to oneself” to refer to the process of laying down one’s life for the cause of Jesus. Thus, death metaphors infiltrate their literal daily living. The general attitude that’s expected for people to have in those circumstances is one of “I won’t seek death actively but I will welcome it when the time comes”, and coupled with the way the other forms of abuse broke me, this had me fantasizing about dying in third-world countries for getting too annoying about Jesus. So that’s pretty wack, I suppose. This belief system is one that puts death on a very disturbing pedestal. This entire song is about preparing for the return of Jesus, which is going to bring a hell of a lot of death if it happens as they predict. This very deadly event is what “Jesus is coming soon” entails, and it’s one of two possible interpretations that I can think of to apply to these “even so come lord Jesus come” lines. The other is that they believe that Jesus is present with them when they worship (Matthew 18:20) and they seek to experience this presence. But the preparatory nature of this song, in my experience at least, puts very strong priority on the first sense, even though it can be, and in church settings often functions as, both. These lines are a plea for personal transformation and for the apocalypse. In the vanishingly unlikely event that the Christian version of the divine turns out to be true, billions will die in wars and disasters (some actively caused by God’s agents) and many of those same billions and many more people, including me, will be victims of the Great Cosmic Yeet and land in hellfire forever. And they want this to happen sooner rather than later. That’s literally the main point of this song.

So we wait We wait for You God we wait You're coming soon

This is the bridge. It’s typically repeated kind of a lot. Like, I mean holy fuck they repeat this. It’s literally just “we’re excited for the second coming of Christ”. You know, in case someone needed a reminder that they want billions dead, even more people yeeted into hellfire, and the entire world destroyed. Evangelical and fundamentalist strains of Christianity are literally a death cult.

So with that rant-filled analysis out of the way, let’s see if I can talk formatting without dying inside again or getting too pissed off.

On the lyric site I linked above (and I’ll link it again so you don’t have to scroll through whatever literal mountain of text and cursed images I’ve produced) this goes verse 1, verse 2, chorus, verse 3, chorus, bridge twice, weird most-of-chorus tag, chorus, the last two lines like several times over. Thus, already we have multiple repetitions of most concepts found in this song. Also, this two verses-chorus-third verse-chorus-bridge several times-chorus twice-ending tag format is quite common in contemporary Christian music, in the studio recordings, official lyrics, and chord sheets you’ll find out there. But I cannot stress enough that this structure, especially the bridge and latter choruses but the entire structure including the verses, is extremely modular. Anything can be repeated, or repeated more times. Anything can be re-inserted in another place. This is mostly a Bethel thing in my experience, but there can be instrumental breaks for one of the vocalists to yeet out entirely spontaneous lyrics. There can be massive empty instrumental breaks, or instrumental breaks with spoken words in them. And I’ve seen even less of that, but parts of other songs can be inserted just about anywhere too, and I’ve actually participated in that one on occasion. To an extent, any music can be handled in ways like this, but it seems to me like contemporary Christian music is consciously designed that way because its target audience goes nuts over long, “spirit-filled” songs played at church camps or an extra spicy church service.

It’s also worth noting, and if I end up doing a whole lot of these I’ll probably explain this in a great deal more depth, that these songs can get reasonably similar to one another. I think that’s because to a very large extent, the words and structure matter a hell of a lot less than the way they set the mood. You can get the same impact on a crowd of willing Christians from probably literally any combination of these songs. I always had my favorites but that didn’t seem to matter that much.

I’m inclined to say some of the same things about a lot of modern music, actually. It has common structures, a lot of music is interchangeable for certain moods, etc. But I can’t say a thing about the modularity of modern music. A song seems to be way more of a distinct unit in most environments. Mashups do happen, but massive repetitions of one piece of a song generally don’t in any context that I’m aware of. They’ll jam out on an instrumental for a while at concerts sometimes, but you really don’t get this, like, singing “Crawl on your belly til the sun goes down, I’ll never wear your broken crown, I took the road and I fucked it all away, in this twilight how dare you speak of grace” more than like the twice they do it in the studio recording from most groups like you do in very many Christian music settings. (The example chorus I put here was from Mumford and Sons- Broken Crown. It’s an amazing song, I totally recommend it lol it was the first one that popped into my head for this purpose.) Some other commonalities are present in a lot of modern music, but for the most part, that modularity would just come across extremely weird. I think just about every time I’ve either seen or been involved in the playing of Even So Come at a church, the musicians engaged in at least some degree of modularity, most often by repeating the bridge but sometimes uh... holy crap. Because of the extreme prolific use of these songs in church or retreat settings, I’m inclined to list the modularity as the single most important aspect of the formatting of this song and of many others.

#ex christian #contemporarychristianmusic #worship #i probably need therapy #dead inside

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p4nkow · 5 years

Text

You take my breath away - part III

I had so much fun writing this part! Enjoy and please let me know what you think

Part I, Part II

As usual while reading this fic you need to pretend that Dominique was given much more space on the storyline, just like to the other love interests of the boys. Of course it is just fiction, even though I tried to make it as realistic as possible. I know it might seem a bit confusing so if you have any questions or if you’d like to let me know what you think of it just know that my DMs and Inbox are always open :)

Summary: reader has always dreamt of being an actress and she gets the chance of a lifetime when she’s cast as Dominique Beyrand in the infamous biopic about the legend himself, Freddie Mercury. But what will happen when she gets to know better the man who plays his love interest in the movie, Roger Taylor? Will Ben and Y/N’s story be as lucky as the one of characters they portray or will they be starcrossed lovers? Because it happens that things might get complicated because of Ellie, Ben’s long-term girlfriend.

there are a few visual evidence ;)

South London - December 21st, 2017

Being busy helped you not to think about Ben. You’d been foolish to think that he might actually be interested in you, his co-star. Because that’s all you were — his fictional love interest. And you had to get over it.

You tried to fully enjoy your free time with your family and friends after wrapping on BoRhap. “Did you already write your letter to Santa?” Your six-years-old nephew was sitting on your lap, his head resting on your chest as you gently rubbed his back.

“Yes, mommy helped me out with it.” You smiled by hearing his soft, sleepy voice.

“And what did you ask Santa for?”

His answer made your heart sank and melt at the same time. “A drum set, just like the one that’s in your movie, auntie.”

You remembered facetiming your sister while being on set. That day Ben had tweaked his drums – why didn’t it sound like a news to you? – and Gwil was mocking him for that. Your nephew had popped up on the camera just when you were filming Ben, who was trying to fix the mess he made.

He had given Francis the biggest of the smiles, but the kid’s eyes were all for the magnificent drum set. And that’s the reason why his request to Santa didn’t surprise you at all.

While Francis was falling asleep on your lap, you managed to get your phone, opening the Whatsapp group you had with the rest of the cast and which you hoped no one ever sees.

You: How to react when your nephew asks you Roger’s drum set as a Christmas present? Asking for a friend.

You bit your lip as you waited for them to read, but you didn’t have to wait long — Joe was already typing.

Joe: Just buy him a bass, woman

You tried not to chuckle at his answer in order not to wake the baby up. The rest of the boys joined the conversation.

Lucy: You’re doomed

You: I guess I am

Gwil: Try on Wikihow

You: 🤦‍♀️

Rami: I’ll pretend I didn’t read that

And your heart speeded up when you noticed Ben was typing, too.

Ben: they boy has good tastes 😉

Your smile grew wider by reading his reply and just for a moment everything seemed normal between the two of you. No Ellie, no kissing, no feelings. Just you and Ben. Your phone buzzed again as you got other messages.

Joe: don’t act like it isn’t your fault, man

Lucy: lol just don’t tell Roger

You: no way

Gwil: Alexa play Money, money, money by ABBA

Aaaand Ben was typing again – which was pretty normal, given that you were in a group chat. But that didn’t stop your heart from racing in your chest.

Ben: I’m afraid I can’t take credits for that

Actually it was because of him but there was no need for him to know that.

Allen: what’s going on??

Rami: just Y/N’s nephew asking for Roger’s drums

Allen: I thought kids still played with Lego’s?

Oh and before I forget

I’ll see y’all in a couple of days, right?

Crap. You’d forgotten that Allen was getting married and you were all invited to the ceremony, which happened to be in California. The bop of the phone brought you back from your thoughts.

Lucy: sure thing

And shortly after she sent a picture of her and Rami with their thumbs up. Theirs were the biggest smiles you’d ever seen. Gwil did the same, sending a picture of him with his fist raised and a warm smile on his face. You couldn’t help but notice he was wearing a Wales shirt, his favourite one. “I’ll be there!”, he texted right after sending the picture.

You decided to send one too right after seeing Joe’s one. He was clearly jogging, given his messy hair and the fact that he had his headphones on. He was wearing a shirt of a bright pink and he was standing right next to a flower of the same colour. “Count on me”, He texted, adding shortly after “I’ll match with the flower.”

You took a picture of you and Francis – who was still asleep – but it took you a few moments to decide whether to send it or not. There was a tight smile in your face as your cheek rested on Francis’ head, his angelic features relaxed while sleeping. You were looking straight at the camera and after giving it a better look, it became your favourite picture.

But you tended to overthink on everything, even on pictures you were supposed to send to your friends. At the end you sent it anyways, adding a text. “Ofc! Hopefully he’ll wake up by then.”

Lucy replied to your message with the heart eyes emoji and you were about to put the phone away when you got another message.

It was Ben’s pic; the first thing you noticed – aside that he was handsome as hell – was that he looked tired. You didn’t see the typical sparkle that usually lit up his eyes. If you had to be completely honest with yourself you missed seeing his beautiful face in the morning or spending whole nights in his company.

Santa Ynez Valley (CA) – January 5th, 2018

“This damn thing”, You heard Joe say under his breath in front of the mirror. You turned towards him with your brows narrowed just to see him struggle with his tie.

“Maz, wait.” You sighed deeply and walked towards him. You’d given him that nickname after watching Undrafted together, the movie he’d directed and produced, and somehow it just stuck to him.

You moved away his hands from the tie, stopping him from trying – and fail again – to do a decent knot. You gave him an amused look right when he looked at you with gratitude, starting to do it for him just like your mom had taught you to do.

“Ties are the devil’s tools.”

You chuckled at his words, moving your gaze to him just for an instant before turning your attention back to the tie. “Don’t be overdramatic.”

“Oh, you know I am.” You grinned at him and just when you finished your job someone knocked at the door.

“Mate, are you ready?” Ben’s deep voice came crystal clear to your ears. Your heart started racing in your chest and by the look Joe gave you, you knew he suspected something.

“Yeah, coming!”, He replied and while he walked towards the door you adjusted the folds of your dress, giving a quick look at your hair through the mirror just to make sure it was fine.

You were so bloody nervous that your hands began to get sweaty. Joe gave you a quick look from above his shoulder before opening the door. Ben didn’t notice you at first so you had the chance to give him a better look.

You weren’t surprised to see him in a black suit, but that didn’t mean he didn’t leave you speechless. He had his hair back and it was oddly in order but it highlighted the shining of his green eyes, which seemed even more clear than you remembered.

“I was sure to see you with your tie undone, buddy”, He said in an amused tone, nodding towards the know you’d made. He peeked out his tongue as he used to do and in that moment you wish you could kill the butterflies in your stomach.

He’s not your man, you kept saying to yourself.

Joe softly laughed at his words, pointing at you with a thumb. “Y/N was here to save the day.”

And that’s when Ben’s gaze moved to the back of the room, looking straight at you. You felt his gaze raking your body before meeting your eyes. His lips were a bit parted in surprise and he slowly raised a corner of his lips in a tight smile. “Y/N.”

He pronounced your name like if it was a praise and you shyly smiled at him. “Hey, Ben.”

You heard Joe sigh and you were pretty sure he rolled his eyes at the two of you. He murmured something under his breath before saying out loud “I’ll see you downstairs.”

Ben didn’t seem to pay him attention when he walked past him and shortly after you heard his footsteps walking down the stairs. You forced yourself to move your gaze away from him, grabbing your purse and giving a last look at the room to make sure you weren’t forgetting anything.

When you joined Ben in the hallway, closing the door behind you, his gaze was still on you. “You still blush?”, He murmured in an amused tone and you wondered if he’d ever stop asking you that.

“Oh, shut up, Jones.” He giggled at your words and the two of you, one right next to the other, started to walk towards the stairs. In the hallway you crossed two or three people and given that they were all dressed elegant you were pretty sure they were heading to the wedding, too.

“You look gorgeous.” You bit the interior of your cheeks at his words, giving him a look with the corner of your eyes.

“You look good, too. But you know that exist other colours beside black, right?”

“Don’t sass me, wifey.” You grinned at him and you gave yourself a second to appreciate his presence next to you. You had bloody missed him and now that you were together again, that night at the pub seemed to be forgotten. Seemed, because you couldn’t forget how humiliated you felt when he left you.

Ben was looking at you with a grin, his gaze raking your body once again. You felt flattered by the fact that he couldn’t stop looking at you and you couldn’t help but smile in victory. He even tried to place a hand in your back while walking through the hallway and if at first you couldn’t bring yourself to move his hand away because of the shivers his touch sent down your spine, subsequently you pulled your arm back and gently moved it away.

“Hands off, Jones”, You said with a half-smile, meeting his gaze. “I don’t want to be chased by any angry girlfriend.”

He let out a small laughter and even if by now you were in a dangerous ground, you felt pretty confident. “At least take my arm, I don’t wanna see you roll down the stairs.” And by saying so he offered you his arm, which you gratefully accepted.

As you focused not to stumble over the stairs with your heels, Ben’s tone suddenly changed. “There isn’t any angry girlfriend.”

You suddenly felt a knot in your throat and you didn’t look at him, afraid that if you did you’d loose your balance. “Yeah, like for the last time.” You didn’t mean to say these words but now the damage was done.

He turned his head towards you and you could feel him staring at you; thankfully you were at the last step of the stairs. “For real this time.” You were about to let go of his arm but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so when meeting his eyes, looking at you like you were the only woman in the room. And maybe that’s how he saw you.

You looked away from him when you heard Allen drawing the attention of those presents from the garden where the ceremony would take place, so you murmured “We’ll talk later.” And he just nodded at you.

The whole ceremony was touching and you had to admit you even teared up a little, gaining some amused looks by Joe and Gwil. It was an emotional moment to see a person you cared about making a move that important – and besides, Lucy had teary eyes, too.

The whole crowd cheered up by hearing their “I do” and right after the ceremony you and the boys went to congratulate with them. Their smiles were unbelievably contagious and they just couldn’t stop looking at each other.

The alfresco ceremony started shortly after ad it took place in the amazing garden of the resort. Among the rest of the guests you spotted a few popular faces such as ‪Lea Michele‬ and ‪Darren Criss‬, who started to sing shortly after.‬‬‬‬‬‬

You were taking a sip of your champagne when you suddenly realised you were alone. Rami and Lucy were already on the dance floor, her arms around his neck as the slowly followed the rhythm of the music. Gwil was dancing with his girlfriend, too, and Joe and Ben were having a chat near the buffet table.

You were about to take a seat in one of the closest tables when you noticed someone approaching you. “Hey.”

You raised your gaze just to meet a handsome ginger. “Hi”, You replied hesitantly.

“I’m Seth”, The man said, extending you a hand. “I’m the brother of the bride.” He could’ve been two or three years older than you and you couldn’t help but notice that he looked good. “Oh, right. I’m Y/N.” You shook his hand, giving him a big smile.

“Are you Allen’s friend?”, He politely asked and you nodded your head ‘yes’ at his question.

“Yeah, we met on set.”

“Of Bohemian Rhapsody?” He seemed amazed and surprised by the fact that you were an actress. Well, who wouldn’t? Your face wasn’t exactly well known.

“Yeah”, You said once again and you felt your cheeks turning rose. He noticed your reaction and his smile grew wider.

“I’m sorry, I’m just trying not to freak out. I’m surrounded by actors.” You let out a small laugh and you nodded in comprehension, giving a look at the rest of the guests. You noticed Ben looking at you, probably even not paying attention to what Joe was telling him. You quickly looked away, focusing again on Seth.

“We’re not aliens, y’know”, You replied in an amused tone and he gave you an apologetic look.

“Oh no, no. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude. It’s just… never mind. What d’ya think if to make up for it—”

But Seth never finished his sentence because the two of you were interrupted by a new voice. “Hey, babe.”

You looked above your shoulder just to see Ben standing behind you, an arm surrounding your waist as he looked at you with a smile. You narrowed your brows, looking at Seth first — who was staring at Ben with a confused look — and then at him. “Hey”, You simply replied, not knowing what game he was playing.

He nodded towards the dance floor, saying without paying the smallest attention to Seth “Shall we dance?” And you gave an apologetic look at the ginger before following Ben at the centre of the floor.

“What was that?”, You asked him in an amused but confused look. He placed both his hands on your hips, pulling your body closer to his. You hesitantly surrounded his neck with an arm, placing the other hand on his chest. You could easily feel his heart beating as fast as yours.

Lea Michele and Darren Criss — who had kindly offered to sing when the band that Allen hired couldn’t play because of the weather — were still playing in the background one of your favourites song: My Eyes by ‪The Lumineers‬.‬‬‬

“What?”, Ben asked with a brow raised. You raised your chin to meet his eyes – the last time you’d been this close you ended up kissing. And for as much as you liked it, you weren’t going to do it again. Not when he was still thinking about someone else.

“You literally dragged me away”, You managed to say as he lowered his gaze to your lips. Your breath become heavier under his staring gaze and the way he was gently caressing your hip with his thumb didn’t help at all. “Ben”, You whispered, almost begging him to stop. But you didn’t want him to.

His eyes were again fixed on yours when he spoke again. “I’ve broken up with Ellie. For real this time.”

You sighed deeply, looking at his green eyes while thinking at his words. “Sometimes breaking up doesn’t mean not to be still in love with someone.”

“She’ll always be important to me. I mean, we’ve been together since we were like nineteen, but it’s over now.” And he seemed sure of his words. You bit your lower lip, looking away from him in order to think clearly. And you couldn’t do that with his eyes fixed on yours.

You placed your forehead on his chest, taking deep breaths as you could feel your head fighting with your heart. He took a deep breath, his chest rising and lowering under your forehead. Ben surrounded your back with one arm, placing his cheek on your head. It took him a few moments to speak again. “I’ve missed this.”

“I missed it, too.”

London - February 7th, 2018

Plenty of big, rectangular screens had been placed in every wall of the room, in which were projected old pictures of the band and new stills of the movie. There was also a small stage in where a band was playing Queen songs.

You never thought you’d spend the BoRhap wrap party — also called BoWrap — singing Queen songs at the top of your lungs between a drink and the other. But thanks exactly what you were doing.

“Y/N, come on up here!” You bursted into laughter by hearing Lucy calling you through the mic. You raised your arm in the air, letting out a little scream of excitement before finishing your drink in one gulp and starting to walk towards the stage.

You grinned at Clara and Rachael while walking past them on your way to the stage and you grabbed the hand Rami was extending you to join them. Somehow you ended up holding a microphone and singing — or better, shouting — the words of Radio Ga-Ga alongside with Lucy and Rami.

From the stage you could easily see the rest of the room, which was illuminated with a pink light. Everyone was there — every member of the cast and crew, even Roger, Sarina, Brian and Anita.

But you were looking for one person in particular — Ben was standing in the front row, a drink in his hand and a grin in his face. He was already looking at you and probably for the first time ever you didn’t blush. Ah, the power of alcohol.

“All we hear is radio gaga, radio goo goo”, You sang to the mic, trying to clap with your free hand. Lucy moved closer to you and started to sing, too before the two of you bursted into laughter. Joe and Gwil were also singing, clapping their hands by following the rhythm of the song.

“He can’t take his eyes off you”, Lucy murmured in your ear, pushing away the mic from you. You quickly turned towards her with a surprised look, your lips parted as you met her amused gaze. “Lucy!”

“What? It’s true!” She couldn’t have been more obvious by the way she nodded towards him. And the thing was, she was right. The way Ben was looking at you sent shivers all over your body.

When he noticed you were staring at him he raised a corner of his lips in an amused grin to which you replied with a big smile. The song wasn’t even over yet when somehow you managed to get off the stage without stumbling. He was standing there, not so far away from you, in his dark jeans and grey sweater.

“Hey, stranger”, You said when you moved closer to him, giving him a tight smile.

“Didn’t know that hidden talent of yours”, He replied, nodding towards the stage. You let out a soft laughter, shaking your head.

“That’s nothing.” His green eyes were fixed on yours and he gave you a look you couldn’t read. You didn’t like the things his stare made you feel and you looked away from him, when you spotted something at the corner of the room. “Is that...” You started to say in excitement, gaining a confused look by Ben. “A photo booth?”

“What?”, He asked with a small laugh, following your gaze to that spot. You grabbed him by his hand, his gentle touch once again on you. “Please, please come with me.”

Maybe it was the look on your face, maybe it was your excitement, but somehow he agree on coming with you.

“‘right, fine”, He said with a big smile and you were about to clap your hands when you noticed he was still holding your hand. “C’mon”, He added, and you followed him through the crowd.

You waited for him to insert the coins and while doing so he gave you an amused look by noticing your excitement. “You’re cute.”

You narrowed your eyes at his words and it might’ve been silly or you, but you just couldn’t stop smiling. “Thanks?”

I want to break free was playing in the background as the two of you entered the booth. It was small, though, and one could barely move in there.

“Uhm.” Ben was giving a look around him and you could easily see the inner workings in his brain try to find a solution, but you both had too many drinks to think clearly.

“‘kay, how about you sit in my lap? I’ll behave, I promise.” You narrowed your brows at his proposal, looking at him while he took his seat. You nodded in agreement — probably because of the alcohol — and you took a deep breath before doing so. You noticed the bin of his Adam apple and by the look in his eyes you could tell he wanted you just as much as you wanted him.

“It’s gonna be so much fun!” He smiled at your words, his arm surrounding your waist and yours was around his shoulders. Your cheek was right next to his and that’s when the first photo was taken.

“I wasn’t ready!”, He complained and you looked at him with a big smile.

“C’mon, Ben. Don’t be so serious.” You turned again towards the camera and you pulled out your tongue for the next picture.

Ben in the meantime was mouthing ‘God knows!’ as the song played in the background and that’s why he was all so pouty in the next picture.

For the third one you parted your lips and it captured Ben’s hand on his way to your face. And for the next one Ben placed a kiss on your cheek, your smile bigger than ever. You’d been taken aback and that’s why you turned towards him with a surprised look “Ben!”

Man, if you thought you’d been taken aback a few moments before, thanks because you didn’t know what was waiting. Ben’s hand was still on your cheek when he crushed your lips into yours. You immediately kissed him back, placing a hand on his chest. You both forgot about the pictures the moment you felt his tongue asking for permission to deepen the kiss, and you let him. His hand moved to your hip and he gently caressed your bare skin given that your shirt had lifted up a bit.

The little, hot moan that escaped his mouth made you crave for more, if it wasn’t for the curtain of the booth that swung open.

“Shit!”, Joe said, immediately closing in again. You backed away from Ben’s lips and you giggled.

“Go away, Maz!”, You shouted and you didn’t have to wait for long for him to shout back “Go get a room!”

And that’s when Ben said in an amused tone “Shall we follow his advice?” Just the idea left you speechless and that’s why it took you a few moments to answer. “Oh, shut up.”

Ben giggled but despite your words, you were considering his proposal for real and Ben noticed it by the look in your eyes. Oh man, you were doomed.

Taglist: @caborhapch @ohtheseboysilove @classy-fangirl @royalblueviper @rogers-weirdo @geek-and-proud @mrsbenhardyx @julessbrown @the-little-warbler @bouncingjoe @benders-diamond-earring @radiob-l-a-hblah @luvborhap @mrsmazzello @orchideax @gardengirl-18 @dearestdeaky @brianandthemays @ixchel-9275

If you wanna be added in the taglist just tell me!

#ben hardy #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy fic #bohemian rhapsody #Bo Rhap #borhap imagine #borhap fic #borhap #roger taylor #roger taylor fic #roger taylor x reader #Queen #queen band #queen fic

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kpopfanfictrash · 5 years

Text

The Distance [ V-Day ]

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Jinyoung

Rating: 18+ [ smut + angst + college!AU ]

Word Count: 2,845

Summary: A series of drabbles about Valentine’s day and semi-bad boy!Park Jinyoung.

Your phone is a square, silver screen in the center of your palm. There’ve been no new text messages for hours, but you kept looking anyways, re-reading the messages because the silence while you wait is unbearable.

Y/N: morning [9:02 AM]

Y/N: … are we going to talk about last night? [9:31 AM]

Jinyoung: what’s there to talk about? [9:35 AM]

Y/N: maybe… idk… how you hung up on me? [9:37 AM]

Jinyoung: you told me to! [9:38 AM]

Y/N: yeah, bc I couldn’t hear over the music [9:39 AM]

Jinyoung: babe, you know this is my job… [9:40 AM]

Y/N: I know. [9:40 AM]

Y/N: I just wish that, for once, I could say goodnight to my boyfriend like a normal person [9:41 AM]

Jinyoung: babe… [9:41 AM]

Y/N: I know, I know. It’s your job. [9:42 AM]

That didn’t make it any easier.

Shortly after graduation, you went off to college and Jinyoung – well, Jinyoung had a friend starting off as a DJ. He asked Jinyoung to design the logo for his set, then the merch for the show – one thing led to another, and Jinyoung now designs graphics for artists. Not just little ones but big ones, famous artists who gain him a lot of attention and notoriety. He travels cross-country for work, city-hopping every night while you attend class for your major. He has this amazing new job, and you know this is something he loves – but being his long-term girlfriend tends to be difficult because of it.

You suppose the word is applicable – long-term. You two have been dating for four years at this point; five, if you count the amorphous eight months when you were just hooking up. That’s a long time to be together, especially with most of that time being spent apart. Two and a half years since you came to college, two and half years of dealing with missed phone calls and text messages, rushed weekend visits which never seem to be enough.

Years of Jinyoung calling from the road, speaking in muffled corners of clubs to tell you goodnight. It’s exhausting, and the past couple of months have been the worst yet. Jinyoung is always in demand, traveling both internationally and not – there are times you don’t even know where he is, much less when he’ll call. This was the case the other night, when Jinyoung called to wake you up nearly an hour after going to bed.

“Hullo?” you groaned, clearing your throat. The room around you was dark, quiet but for the sounds of the wind.

“Babe? It’s me.”

You opened one eye. “Jinyoung?” you asked, rolling over to check the clock. “It’s nearly 1:00 AM.”

“Ah, shit,” he mumbled, sounding further away. You heard laughter in the background, the sounds of something breaking – before a door was opened and shut and his voice became suddenly clearer. “That better?”

“Yeah,” you exhaled, falling flat on your back. “What’s up?”

“Well,” Jinyoung hesitated – he sounded nervous, you noticed. “It’s been a while since we spoke.”

You said nothing to this, chewed the inside of your lip because yes, it had been awhile – this was purposeful on your end because recently, you’d just stopped calling. You stopped being the initiator, stopping making the plans because you realized it was always you doing that. You were always the one trying, always the one asking and quite frankly, you were sick of it.

To be fair, you hadn’t told him all this – which would explain Jinyoung’s current state of confusion. Rather violently, you picked at your comforter – you weren’t angry when you first picked up the phone, but hearing his voice brought all these feelings rushing back. You hadn’t talked to him in a week and this was the first time he thought of to call. You texted, yes, but didn’t say much. Just sent each other videos and memes – things which made you think of the other without really conversing.

Jinyoung: lol Jaebum sent me this last night and I thought of you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glii-kazad8 [10:08 PM]

Jinyoung: why do cities put these ‘LOOK OUT, FALLING ICE’ signs on the sidewalk? What good could that POSSIBLY do, if ice were really falling? [4:12 PM]

Jinyoung: so. there’s this sea otter at the zoo and istg it’s your friend Youngjae [1:21 PM]

These texts are fine, and you responded to each of them – but the other day you were talking to your mom and she asked how Jinyoung was. Her question floored you, because you really didn’t know. You knew he was alive, knew he was working and knew that you missed him. That was about it, though – hence the current state of iciness.

Jinyoung was silent on the other end of the line. “It’s not my imagination, is it?”

Playing with your sheets, you managed a sigh. “No, it’s not your imagination.”

“O-kay,” Jinyoung began, and you imagined him running a hand through his hair. “So, what’s this all about? Don’t make me read your mind, Y/N… I have to go back in five.”

That tendril of anger formed into a ball, dropping straight into the pit of your stomach. “Why did you call, then?” you retorted, sitting up straight. “If you knew you didn’t have time to talk, why call me at all?”

Jinyoung made a small noise of frustration. “Would you rather I didn’t?” he asked, incredulous. “I’m sorry Y/N, for whatever I did. There were a few moments I had between sets, and I figured we could talk.”

“Well, you’ve got me here now,” you grumbled. “Is that all?”

“I just wanted to call you!”

“You don’t have time to,” you reminded, knowing this was petty. It was hard to refrain though, when you missed him so much and had no one to blame for it. No one to vent to, no one to yell at because it was all just so reasonable that Jinyoung was gone.

“Come on, Y/N. Don’t be like that,” he sighed, music growing loud in the background. “I don’t want to fight with you, I don’t have the time. I just wanted to… I don’t know, hear your voice.”

“You never have time,” you muttered, ignoring this last part. “And this is my voice. Sorry it’s not very happy, but I just woke up. I have a 7:30 class in the morning and this is the first I’ve been able to sleep before 2:00 AM this week. And,” you blurted, “stop acting like you’re the only one who’s busy! Stop acting like your work is more important than mine, and like I should always rearrange my schedule for you.”

Jinyoung fell silent for a moment. When he didn’t respond immediately, you listened to the sounds of bass rattling the walls around him. “I don’t… think your work is less important than mine,” he clarified, sounding awkward. “I just think my schedule is… a bit more inflexible than yours, right now.”

“Oh, god,” you groaned, one arm over your face. “Are you kidding me? Just because you didn’t study in school, Jinyoung, doesn’t mean that I don’t. My classes are inflexible, just like your work. The amount of homework I have is inflexible, and if you even think –”

“Okay, okay,” Jinyoung interrupted, backtracking hastily. “I’m sorry, Y/N, really. I don’t think your classes are less important than my stuff, or – fuck,” he groaned, his name being yelled somewhere in the distance. “I really have to go. But –”

“Fine,” you huffed, closing your eyes – the skin of them was burning, tears ready to fall. “Just go, then.”

“I don’t want to,” he muttered, pained.

“I don’t care what you want,” you blurted, even though you did.

“Y/N…”

“Just go,” you inhaled, stopping. Suddenly sick, you were about to apologize – but then heard a click, loud in your ear. Stomach twisting, you pulled your phone back to look at the screen. Yes, the screen was now dark. He’d ended the call, hung up the phone and when you realized this, you turned your face into your pillow and cried.

Waking the next morning, the pain was worse. Jinyoung’s texts didn’t help – he said all the right things but they didn’t seem to matter, because the next day was Valentine’s Day and he hadn’t said a word. The next day was also your anniversary, but you weren’t sure he remembered this either. Jinyoung had the tendency to forget – he was meticulous, so overly concerned with detail he often forgot the big picture.

Big picture things like phone calls and anniversaries. Swallowing hard, you looked up from your phone before sliding this into your pocket. Walking forward, you struggled with the rest of the day. It was hard, really hard to ignore the aching feeling which came from missing him.

Jinyoung: hey [4:14 PM]

Y/N: hi [4:17 PM]

Jinyoung: I wanted to say that I’m sorry, Y/N [4:18 PM]

Y/N: mm. what for? [4:19 PM]

Jinyoung: for being so absent [4:20 PM]

Jinyoung: I know it’s my job, but sometimes I get so caught up in one thing I forget about everything else. I know we haven’t been talking as much and I know it’s my fault. I’m sorry, I promise I’ll do better. Just give me the chance, I swear [4:22 PM]

Y/N: babe [4:22 PM]

Jinyoung: you called me babe [4:23 PM]

Jinyoung: … does this mean I’m forgiven? 😇 [4:23 PM]

Y/N: babe, I don’t want you to feel guilty about loving your work [4:24 PM]

Jinyoung: I know this. I also know I love you, but don’t know if you realize how much [4:25 PM]

Y/N: oh? [4:25 PM]

Jinyoung: like, my job is cool and all but it’s driving me crazy. [4:26 PM]

Y/N: ha. How so? [4:26 PM]

Jinyoung: Well. I miss you, Y/N. I miss you so fucking much. I want this job, I know I have to do this, but just – everything would be better if you were here. [4:27 PM]

Jinyoung: you’re the first person I want to tell shit to. You’re the first sight I want to see in the morning and honestly, it’s a kick to my gut every time that you’re not. When I sleep, I stare at my phone and know you’re already sleeping and know I shouldn’t wake you, but fuck do I want to just to hear your voice [4:29 PM]

Jinyoung: Have I told you I save your voicemails [4:30 PM]

Jinyoung: I have a bunch of them saved and listen when I can’t fall asleep. I listen and it makes falling asleep easier, but not much [4:31 PM]

Jinyoung: I just… I’m sorry our schedules suck right now. Know I miss you and would drop everything in a heartbeat to see you, if I could [4:32 PM]

By this point, you’re just staring at the screen. Just watching his texts come in and trying to hide the sudden wave of emotion. Jinyoung doesn’t normally speak like this, is never so forthcoming with his feelings. You think you might cry – would’ve already, if you weren’t walking down the middle of the quad. Your last class ended ten minutes prior, meaning it’s finally the weekend and all you want is to get to your dorm and call Jinyoung in private.

Y/N: I love you too, babe [4:34 PM]

Y/N: I’m sorry. I know the past few months have been hard on us both. Thank you… for this. And btw, happy Anniversary : ) [4:35 PM]

Jinyoung: oh, fuck [4:35 PM]

Jinyoung: I knew I was forgetting something… [4:36 PM]

Rolling your eyes, you walk up the stairs to your dorm. Swiping your key at the door, you wander inside – still staring at your phone, at the sight of Jinyoung’s blinking ellipses.

“Guess my present better be good,” a voice announces to your side. “To make up for forgetting, huh?”

Startled, you whirl. Your mouth slowly drops, seeing Jinyoung standing there in the lobby. He’s leaning against your wall, dressed in that stupid leather jacket of his – and the moment you see him, you’re running. When you reach his body, you crash into his chest and throw your arms about him.

“Y/N,” Jinyoung chuckles, arms wrapping firmly. “Did you miss me?”

Burying your face into his t-shirt, you shake your head. “No.”

Jinyoung laughs, pulling away to look at you. “No?” he teases, laughter cut short when you kiss him.

His breath hitches as his hands pull you tighter, lips parting with yours to urge a groan from his throat. When his hands find your hair, your hips press together – and you remember quite suddenly, you’re still in the lobby. “Come on,” you break away, grabbing his hand. “Not here. You’ll get me in trouble, if we fuck in the dorm.”

Jinyoung just grins, reaching for his bag while you tug him inside. His hair is mussed from your fingertips, lips still pink with cold as he follows you eagerly up the three flights of stairs. “What if I want to get in trouble,” he teases, grabbing your hips. “What if,” he exhales, dropping a kiss to your neck, “I want to be punished?”

Shivering, you unlock the door quickly, shoving this open to point at your bed. “Get over there, now.”

The first time you fuck is fast – a needy bruise of hips and mouths and limbs. Each groping for the other, fingers gripping tightly while you sink down on his length. There’s barely enough time to remove clothes, Jinyoung pulling your panties aside as he thrusts upwards. He moves hard, fast while fucking and it’s been so long, you’ve missed him so much that you come embarrassingly quickly.

Jinyoung has always been good like that, using his fingers to guide you along, adding just the right amount of pressure to push you over the edge. When you come, it’s blinding – you grab his hair only to choke on his name. Jinyoung comes following, hips gradual in their slowing.

The second time you fuck, it’s slower, lazier. Jinyoung lowers you down on the bed, kisses a soft, leisurely path down the slope of your chest. When he pushes his cock between your legs it’s slow – groaning, about how wet you are from before. He switches positions in the middle, lowering himself down on his back only to grab your hips and turn you around. You’re facing away from him now, legs straddling his waist as you sink slowly onto him.

Being in control is something you enjoy, as are the noises he makes watching your ass rise and full – until he growls impatiently, and flips you beneath him. “I want to see you come,” Jinyoung moans, kissing you as he pushes inside. His hands circle your wrists, stretching your arms overhead before kissing down your chest. He flicks your nipple with his tongue, hips rolling sensually while you arch up against him.

“Jinyoung,” you gasp, already tightening. “Please.”

“Please, what,” he whispers, lips merciless.

“Let me come,” you demand.

Jinyoung nods, hands traveling lower. He spreads your legs with his fingers – the sounds of him entering you slick and hard, while you grasp for control. “Jinyoung,” you whimper, biting down on his shoulder. “Please.”

“Fuck,” he hisses, hearing your desperation.

When you finally release, he comes as well and you shiver, forcing your eyes open to look at him. It’s been a while since you went on the pill, since you made it routine to be tested. Now that you have, that you know what his bare dick feels like, warm cum inside you – it’s impossible to return to before.

Jinyoung stays like that, buried inside you while brushing hair back from your face and whispering stupid things. “I missed you,” he sighs. “I love you. We should get chicken later, because Miami has the worst selection of Asian food anywhere in America.”

“Worse than Texas?”

“Much worse,” he groans when you smile. Gently, he removes himself from your body, grabbing for a tissue and cleaning only to fall back beside you. “I’m sorry. You know that, right?” he asks you, suddenly serious.

You nod, pulling him into you. “I know.”

“I just,” Jinyoung exhales, tracing a small circle on your hip. “What’s a couple of rough months, when I want you forever.”

You can only blink, staring back at him. Jinyoung never says things like that. He never discusses the future, never talks about what it could or might hold. This is the first he’s even implied that there is one, at least out loud.

“I,” you hesitate, still struggling to comprehend. “I guess, yeah.”

Jinyoung flushes, head ducking. “I don’t want to be corny,” he mumbles, into your skin. “I just fucking love you and want you to know.

Faintly, you smile – as your arms tighten around him. “I love you, too.”

And that’s the last (real) fight you have over distance.

[ V-Day Master List ]

#jinyoung fanfic #got7 fanfic #jinyoung smut #got7 smut #jinyoung au #got7 au

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thatmultifandomhoe · 6 years

Text

Sleepless Nights

Word Count: 2,563

Pairing: Jimin and Reader

Scenario: Now that Jimin and the rest of the guys have returned home, you and Jimin find yourselves reminiscing on the time you spent together and unable to get any sleep.

Genre: Fluff, if you used a magnifying glass some angst. But not the angry kind but like the sad kind.

A/N: It has taken me FOREVER, but I finally have pt 2 to sleep as requested. I used Google translate to get the Korean characters and I hit the switch button between English and Korean about fifty times so it should read as it’s translated, if not then I apologize and will start looking

Sleep - Sleepless Nights - Pt 3?

Master List

©thatmultifandomhoe 2018. Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without permission.

It had been weeks since they had been in that position, with Jimin’s head in her lap, and her fingers gently tracing the shape of his face and playing with his hair. They didn’t speak about it after it happened, especially when the rest of the guys returned from their adventures. Instead, they returned to see Jimin sitting up and watching the TV while she finished her homework, a task that she was grateful to be done with.

No one knew about their secret interaction.

There was something about it, the innocent touches, the soft smiles. It was their moment that no one else needed to know about. No one knew that they both secretly wished they could have stolen more time, neither of them wanted to stop. But it had been Jimin who pulled away. Fearing that if his brothers saw them, they would want to leave immediately in fear that she was trying to use them, to use Jimin.

That was the last thing she wanted. In fact, she was partially grateful that he had moved. Not only did it allow her heart to return back to its normal pace, but gave her a chance to think. What was she doing? Jimin was on a completely different level from her. She stood no chance whatsoever with him. That wasn’t even touching on the language barrier. If that was the only issue, she would have learned and spoke to him in Korean to make him more comfortable. Sadly, that wasn’t the case.

They had left later that week after their moment together. The week had been filled with laughter and Polaroid pictures to go around, ending too fast for everyone. The atmosphere was heavy when it came down to saying goodbyes, good natured hugs going around one last time and, at Jimin’s insistence, one last group photo. She didn’t cry when she hugged the others, instead they all shared bittersweet smiles. Namjoon was quick to remind everyone that they made a group chat and added her to it, but it wasn’t the same as seeing them in person and hearing their voices.

Saying goodbye to Jimin was the worst though. Even though they didn’t spend anymore long periods of time together, they had stolen quick precious moments with each other. Whether it was when they were all in her kitchen and Namjoon got up to move around the island where her and Jimin were standing on one side of, and Jimin’s hand lightly touched her lower back as if to make room for Namjoon. Or that time when they all piled in the living room to watch movies, all of her blankets out for everyone to curl up under and they just so happened to share a large one, their fingers accidentally seeking each other’s out. Simple moments that they took while they had the chance.

“Don’t worry,” he told her, softly smiling. “It’s okay.”

She didn’t realize she had been crying until Jimin wiped away the tears falling down her cheek. With a choked out laugh she buried her face in his sweater, arms coming around to hug him. He wrapped his arms around her shoulder, taking one last deep breath of the strawberry shampoo she used, squeezing his eyes closed. Never in a million years did Jimin think he would grow feelings for the woman who opened her arms to all of them like they were long lost friends. Not once had any of them felt like they were being held up to impossible standards. In seconds, she made them remember what it was like to go out and hang out with friends, like how they all used to do, before they debuted or were even in training.

However, she made his insides feel like there were butterflies living in his stomach. He was more nervous and he forgot what he wanted to say more than half the time. Their stolen touches and secret smiles relaxed him while making him feel alive. That’s why he had insisted on so many pictures, he wanted enough for not only him, but for her. To remind them that this hadn’t been a dream. That it was real.

And dammit, he didn’t want it to end.

Long after they finally left, once she was finally adjusted to her life once again, did she go through the pictures that Jimin left her. Seated on the floor of her bed with a fuzzy blanket wrapped around her shoulders and another to cushion her butt from going numb, she went through each polaroid, smiling and even laughing at some of them. It was late. If she was being technical, then it was actually morning. Four in the morning to be exact. Her days may be back on track to her daily life, but sleep had been evading her.

Due to the extreme time zone difference from America to Korea, she tended to stay up late to send a few texts at a more convenient time for them. Sometimes she sent some throughout her day when some of them couldn’t fall asleep, but they tended to pass out more quickly. So, she didn’t mind staying up late to text them, it’s not like she could fall asleep anyway.

With her lamp on, she leaned her cheek in the palm of her hand, staring at one specific Polaroid in particular. It was ironically, of Jimin and her. She had actually taken it, Jimin’s arms were too busy being wrapped around her waist, his chin on her shoulder. They only had five minutes and they were quick to capture the moment before the others walked in on them.

Beep beep!

Lifting her head, she reached out to grab her phone, that was carelessly thrown in the midst of her blankets. She blinked as her eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness compared to her dim room, and it wasn’t until she lowered it that she saw the message from Jimin. Quickly after Namjoon had created the group chat, Jimin made one just for the two of them. It took her a couple minutes to send the message through Google translate:

From Jimin:

좋은 아침 졸린

(Good morning sleepy)

She rolled her eyes, lazily smiling as her fingers worked out a response. They had agreed that sending the messages through translate was easier for them, although learning the other’s language be even better. Secretly, she had started on some work books to learn Korean with the hope of surprising him, but until she was confident, she didn’t mind putting the messages through Google.

To Jimin:

How’d you know I was awake? Maybe I was sleeping, lol.

It was easier to tease him via text, although she missed the way his eyes widened in shock, his mouth dropping open as if he couldn’t believe she would do such a thing. Before she was enveloped in her own sadness, her phone beeped again.

From Jimin:

너는 더 이상 자지 않는다.

(You do not sleep anymore.)

She frowned, wondering what he meant. Of course, she slept, if she didn’t there was no way she would be functioning as a human being. But…she faintly remembered her friends pointing out the dark circles under eyes. Even her boss at work noticed that she seemed quieter and less talkative then she used to be. It was easier to pass it off that she was studying harder and working on papers and projects for her classes, which was true…to an extent. She had offhandedly mentioned it to Jimin once but, she thought he had forgotten. Her phone vibrated in her hand, dragging her out of her thoughts.

From Jimin:

내가 가고 싶니?

(Do you want me to go?)

Her head immediately shook, momentarily forgetting he couldn’t see her. Softly sighing, she sent a response.

To Jimin:

No. And I sleep…sometimes.

Jimin frowned at his phone as he read her message, confused. He didn’t know how to reply back. On one hand, he wanted to chide her for not getting the sleep she needed. There were too many things that could happen to her if she didn’t change her ways. She could hurt herself gratefully if she wasn’t careful. At the same time, he couldn’t be so judgmental, he had been going through the same thing too. Since they returned back to South Korea, Jimin had only able to steal a few hours of sleep at night. It was worse when they went back to work to the point of his brothers noticing that there was a problem. He played it off as still getting over jet lag, but that was a lie.

At night when he should be sleeping, his thoughts were consumed of her. The way her hand fit in his, how when they hugged goodbye he squeezed her just a little tighter so he wouldn’t forget the way she felt in his arms. And her tears…he thought he heard his heart shattering at the sight of them. Everything plagued his mind, the sound of her laughter, the way her eyes lit up as she explained her classes, even if he didn’t understand it all until Namjoon translated. The only thing that made it easier, was being with her.

His thumbs hovered over his keyboard, sighing as he tried to think of something to say.

He knew exactly what he wanted to say, but it wasn’t the right thing to say. Jimin wanted to say how much he missed her, how he missed the way her fingers had caressed his face that first night, it soothed him so much that he never wanted it to end. He missed her with every fiber in his body.

When he was desperate for sleep, even just an hour or two, he’d close his eyes and picture himself getting on a plane to surprise her and showing up at her doorstep his hands itching to be able to hold her once more. It left him with a soft smile and allowed him to continue his fantasy into the dream realm where he was able to sleep before getting up for work.

From Jimin:

당신은 더 필요합니다.

(You need more.)

Finally hitting send, he tossed his phone on his blankets as he stood, his shirt lifting as he stretched his arms. Thankfully, they were able to take a short vacation giving Jimin the freedom to do anything he wanted. Hoseok-hyung was visiting his family which meant their shared room was quiet, a concept he never thought would happen. But it was exact opposite of what he needed. As nice as it was, it left him alone with his thoughts and with his mind consumed with her, it was overwhelming. He needed to be distracted, but he didn’t want to do any work.

Beep!

Retrieving his phone, he copied the message, a breathy laugh escaping once he could read it.

To Jimin:

Tell my professors to not give me so much work then, lol.

I need you, she thought to herself. Biting her lip, she tried to fight back a smile as she tugged her blanket up over the lower half of her face. The only way she was going to get her sleep schedule back on track was only if she saw Jimin again. There was no doubt about it. But there was no way she could tell him that. She was an idiot to believe that her inability to sleep was only because of school and work. Deep down she saw the big picture. It was because of Jimin.

The inner fangirl in her always had a small crush on Jimin, but she never expected it to blossom to this degree in the time they spent together. It was no longer a simple fan crush, but had transformed into a mature and adult version where she fell for the man that is Park Jimin. The way his eyes turned into little crescent moons when he laughed, how he didn’t let his brothers talk down about themselves for even a second, rising them back up to where he believed they should be. How he was the softest marshmallow she ever met simply because that was who he was.

That’s not to say he didn’t know how to be sexy or mature, God knows he can wield both sides of that sword. Jimin had teased her once by caging her in his arms with her back against the wall, somehow, they ended up alone while the others were focused on playing a game in the living room. She had been a flustered mess, unable to get out a single sentence without stuttering or blushing. His laughter bounced off the walls that day and finally gave in, burying his face in her shoulder for a brief moment to collect himself.

Feeling her shoulders slump, she longingly stared at the photo in her hands, wishing that she could just hug him one last time. There were always going to be the songs, the music videos, interviews, Bangtan Bombs, and everything on their V-Live for her to watch and hear his voice, but it wasn’t the same God dammit.

Her phone was back in her hand a second later, her fingers already typing out the message that she wanted to send Jimin. The little black letters stared up at her, all she had to do was hit send. But she hesitated. Even if they somehow found a way…she shook her head, her heart depleting with every second. It wasn’t possible. Wasn’t in the cards for them.

Jimin sat on the edge of his bed, his elbows resting on his thighs as he stared at the text he prepared to send her. Why was it so much harder this time? They always said it in the group chat they had with everyone else. It was always said in good nature and the far-off hopes of maybe one day, seeing each other again. Between the two of them though, with no one else, it was so much more intimate, filled with longing and desire that he never got to experience before. At least, not with someone he wanted to be with. Licking his lips, he stared at the screen.

All they had to do was hit send. From there they could work everything out, find a way to see each other and be together in the way they both wanted.

She ran her hand through her hair, setting her phone on her night stand as she collected her pictures replacing them in the memory box she picked out for them. Instead of sending the message, she let her screen go black and crawled back into bed crying as she suffered through another sleepless night, never hitting send.

Hearing his name being called for dinner, Jimin squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing his face before slowly standing up. If he brought the phone with him, he was going to hit send. His lifestyle though, the career that he loved, by not sending her that message, he was protecting her. The last thing he wanted was for her to get hurt, whether it be physically or emotionally, he had to keep her safe. Even if it meant giving up the woman of his dreams.

I miss you.

난 당신이 그리워요.

#jimin scenario #bts scenarios #park jimin #bts #bangtan #bangtan sonyeondan #serendipity inspired #bts jimin #jimin #jimin fluff #jimin angst #jimin fanfiction #fanfiction #jiminie #chim chim #kpop #kpop fanfiction #kpop fluff #kpop fandom

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phandomsecretvalentines · 6 years

Text

Tell Me Everything Will Be Alright

This is my fic (and my first phanfic wow) for the 2018 Phandom Secret Valentines, and my valentine is @citrouillephan!

I hope you enjoy! -from your valentine, @realityfallsapart

tags: fluff, angst, 2009 AU

words: 4.7k

Summary: Dan Howell tends to get lost in his head and his thoughts have a habit of ruling him even when he doesn’t want them to. When he and his best friend finally have a chance at meeting, Dan starts to wonder if he is actually good enough for the amazing human being that is Phil Lester.

(ao3 link)

(Thank you so much to @moonbeamphan for reading this over and helping me! This wouldn’t be as good without you!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan typed his answer and sent it by hitting enter before leaning back in his chair and letting out a shaky breath that seemed to rattle his insides. His laptop chirped quietly, announcing that Phil had replied to him. He couldn’t bring himself to look at it right away. Finally, after a few moments, he flicked his eyes down to the white screen of the computer in his lap where Phil’s most recent message seemed to glare up at him.

Phil :) (9:47 PM)

i know!

i can’t believe it either!

For a few moment, Dan could do nothing but stare at the screen; at the black words disrupting the artificial white light. It was the only thing that gave Dan any sort of illumination in his room; everything else was dark. He bit his lip and thought about the possible pros and cons of shutting his laptop and burying his head under his duvet to pretend that everything was fine because it was. It’s all fine.

Dan shook his head and reached his hands down to the keyboard. He wouldn't—couldn’t—do that to Phil. Phil deserved so much better than that. His numb fingers typed out a small sentence, only realizing that it had several typos until after he had sent it. He mentally kicked himself for it.

Dan ^-^ (9:51 PM)

Me niether! it seems like thsi would n e v e r happen!

**neither, this

Jeez i can spell

Phil :) (9:51 PM)

idk dan are you sure you can def spell? those seem like some pretty beginner mistakes…

Dan knew Phil was kidding. He knew that it was just Phil playing around with Dan like they normally did. Like they had been doing for months at this point. But in Dan’s heightened state of anxiety and stress, he couldn’t help but berate himself further. God, Phil must think of him as a kid now, he can’t even spell right!

Dan crashed back into his mattress, groaning and squeezing his eyes shut.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid….” he muttered, hitting his forehead with his hand with every word.

Looking back on this moment, Dan would laugh and realize how utterly idiotic his anger with himself was coming from, but right now, in bed with the lights off and by himself, he couldn’t help but magnify the issue. He had been anxious and stressed without a pause this entire week.

He looked up at his ceiling, sighing in growing frustration towards himself, but it wasn’t just because of his inability to catch his typos. In fact, it had nothing to do with them. The typos had just tipped him right over the edge and all of his insecurities crashed over him like waves, his head nearly going under the tide.

To say he wasn’t good enough was an understatement. To say that Phil deserved a much better best friend than Dan was even more of one. Phil was older, more experienced, more mature, funny, smart, kind, and extremely compassionate. He had a great time making pretty successful and entertaining videos (at least in Dan’s opinion, and he would always fight anyone who said otherwise) on the side, on top of balancing life. Dan was younger, so much more less experienced with everything, he got overwhelmed with life and spent the majority of his time curled up under his covers surfing through the waves of his latest existential crisis or playing PC video games that he would forget about within the next 24 hours. He was purgatory in the form of a human and an incredibly underwhelming one at that.

He wasn’t sure how long exactly he laid there, stewing in his self-deprecation and wishing that he was better. Better in literally every aspect, maybe then he would finally be worth Phil’s time, if only a little bit. His computer chirped again, and then twice more minutes later in rapid succession, as if angry. Dan grasped for the thing, pulling it up to his chest, lacking the energy to sit back up.

Phil :) (10:07 PM)

Dan you know im joking right?

Phil :) (10:16 PM)

Dan? you still there? i was joking i promise you can make all the typos you want

u didnt fall asleep did you?

Dan couldn’t help the watery smile that turned the corners of his mouth up, albeit it being a small one. Phil had that effect on him even if Dan was falling apart on the inside. Just a little though, he was fine.

Dan ^-^ (10:18 PM)

nooo im not sleeping

Phil :) (10:18 PM)

Dan ^-^ (10:19 PM)

why the frowny face

Dan tried to keep the fear out of his thoughts but the talons of doubt had already settled around his heart. Was Phil mad that he didn’t answer right away? Would-

His laptop signaled the arrival of Phil’s reply, and Dan really didn’t know if he wanted to slam the lid of his computer shut or jump at the opportunity to find out if he had just ruined the best friendship he had ever had. Ever will. He went for the latter.

(Dan supposed he might be overreacting, but then again, when wasn’t he, it seemed?)

Phil :) (10:20 PM)

did i insult your typing skills one too many times? is that why you disapeared?

*disappeared

Dan used the best coping mechanisms for dealing with his anxiety that he knew: humor and avoidance. Together, they were a formidable force and Dan had spent a large majority of his time perfecting their potency.

Dan ^-^ (10:20 PM)

now look who’s making the typos

Phil :) (10:20 PM)

Dan.

He gulped. Now he had done it. Fuck. He had to fix this.

Dan ignored the roar behind his ears that seemed to be screaming that he should just ignore this all, pray that things would magically fix themselves and change the topic. That was his fear talking. His self-abandonment. His anxiety. His everything. Phil was worth so much more. So Dan pushed it all away for just long enough to reply.

Dan ^-^ (10:21 PM)

sorry, joke

no, thats not why i ran away

i was just thinking, thats all

Phil :) (10:21 PM)

were you doing it again

Dan tried to pretend that he didn’t know what Phil was talking about and simultaneously cursed himself for telling Phil about his increasing habit for getting lost in his thoughts. He failed. He knew exactly what Phil was talking about.

Back, about three weeks ago in a later-than-normal conversation where all of their inhibitions seemed to dissipate, Dan had finally come clean about how sometimes thoughts got the best of him. He would crumble under them, get so completely and utterly lost in his head that he would sometimes stay there for hours on end, picking apart anything that his conscience decided to dig up. And it hindered Dan, made him hate himself just that much more, made him hate how easily his anxieties held him hostage, stuck. But he couldn’t do much about it, it seemed, for whenever he got lost in his head, he always forgot that he had to get out.

Dan gulped. He had to lie his way out of this. He knew that Phil didn’t like it when Dan got stuck. He could pull off nonchalance, right?

Dan ^-^ (10:22 PM)

Phil :) (10:22 PM)

im not convinced

you were werent you

Dan ^-^ (10:23 PM)

does my word not count for anything lol

Phil :) (10:24 PM)

maybe if we were talking and i could see your face it’d count

Dan ^-^ (10:24 PM)

what’s my face got to do with anything?

Phil’s bubble appeared on the screen once, twice, three times, before he apparently decided on what he was going to say and sent it. The entire time Dan was a few words away from having a breakdown. His hands were shaking. His mind was racing faster than normal. Faster than it had in what seemed like a very long time.

Phil :) (10:26 PM)

bc then i could tell if you were lying

tho rn i dont even need that

Dan ^-^ (10:26 PM)

are u seriously saying im lying

Phil :) (10:27 PM)

yeah

you did everything that you always do when you arent telling the truth

you joked

changed / focused the conversation onto smth else

and besides

ive gathered that you really dont like to talk about the things that bother you. you like to ignore them and stuff

Dan ^-^ (10:28 PM)

so how bout we not talk about them then

Phil :) (10:29 PM)

normally, maybe

but not with this

Dan ^-^ (10:29 PM)

and why not?

Phil :) (10:29 PM)

bc i dont like it when you beat yourself up in your head

Dan ^-^ (10:30 PM)

who said i was beating myself up in my head

Phil :) (10:30 PM)

… dan :/

youre avoiding again

Dan cursed himself. God, since when could Phil read him like a book?

Dan ^-^ (10:32 PM)

fine. maybe i am

what are you gonna do about it philly?

Phil :) (10:32 PM)

daaaaannnnnn

you arent allowed to beat yourself up

no ones allowed to

especially you!

Dan giggled, just a little. He couldn’t help it when Phil was being…well, Phil.

Dan ^-^ (10:33 PM)

and why not? Hmm?

Phil :) (10:34 PM)

bc youre my favorite person silly

my favorite person cant be sad. its just the rules

Dan ^-^ (10:35 PM)

oh yeah? whose rules then, oh wise philip

Phil :) (10:35 PM)

ew dont call me philip my nan calls me that

and theyre my rules

my rules for my favorite person

Dan ^-^ (10:35 PM)

suuurrreee phil. sure its a rule

*philip

Phil’s cursor didn’t appear seconds after Dan had sent his message like usual. Insead, nothing appeared. Their good-natured banter had eased the storm raging inside of Dan and his thoughts and anxieties had died down a little, much more easier to bear with the distraction Phil was giving him, but with the sudden disappearance of his best friend, they came back full force. All of his doubts spilled into the front of his conscience. He shivered. It wasn’t from the cold.

Dan watched the little digital clock at the bottom of his laptop screen count the minutes falling away. One, two, three, four, five, god did what did he do-

Phil :) (10:41 PM)

[multimedia image: click to load]

With his heart in his throat, Dan clicked, and a small window appeared, momentarily covering their chat from Dan’s view. It was hard to make out, the quality bad and the image itself grainy and dark, but it was of a piece of paper lying atop two legs clad in bright pyjamas that Dan could immediately connect to Phil and his eccentric personality. He could make out the tip of Phil’s finger at the top of the shot, too. Squinting, he looked at the paper itself, zooming in to make out the words penned in Phil’s handwriting.

Rules:

1. Dan Howell is my favorite person

2. No one is allowed to make fun of him

3. ESPECIALLY if that “no one” is Dan himself

Dan started to laugh. Only Phil would actually make a list of “rules”. Only Phil.

Before Dan could reply, Phil was typing again.

Phil :) (10:43 PM)

there. proper rules written on proper paper. you have to follow them now

Dan ^-^ (10:44 PM)

i cant believe that you actually wrote rules you spork

but fine! i guess if i have to lol

Dan was still working heavily with avoiding the whole situation entirely, just like with what he was doing to the problem causing him so much stress to begin with, but he couldn’t help it. It’s just how he was.

Phil :) (10:46 PM)

so you admit to your crimes xD

but anyways

you were stuck in your head again

which is okay, i mean, i understand that it’s something you cant help

Dan felt like he was going to cry. Phil’s assurance that Dan’s mind running in panicked circles was perfectly okay was almost too much. Phil’s compassion was almost too much.

But it appeared that Phil wasn’t done, because his laptop dinged quietly again.

Phil :) (10:47 PM)

can i ask whats got you so sad and worried

so i can beat it up

obvs

Now Dan really wanted to cry. How could he tell Phil that the reason was him? How could he say that the root of this ball of anxiety and stress and worrying that had taken over him was Phil himself?

He couldn’t do that to Phil, not when his best friend would undoubtedly take it hard. God, if Phil knew why Dan kept getting lost in himself, he would be crushed.

Dan ^-^ (10:51 PM)

noooo

Phil :) (10:51 PM)

are you sure? i wont judge you dan, i swear it doesnt matter if you think i wont like it

i just wanna be here for you

If Dan wasn’t crying earlier, he was now, a few select tears dripping down his cheeks, brimming with the emotions that had been taking over him this past week. Phil was…too much. He was too kind, too sweet, too undeserving of someone like Dan. God, Phil deserved the whole world, he shouldn’t have to settle with Dan.

Another message appeared on Dan’s screen, as but this one didn’t seem like normal, it was a little off, a little rushed, a little…something. Dan couldn’t place it.

Phil :) (10:53 PM)

bc youre my best friend.

obvs. xD

If Dan wasn’t so out of it and was able to think clearly, he might have questioned Phil’s “clarification” of why and what sense he wanted to be there for him, but Dan was not in the best state of mind and he thought nothing of it.

Dan looked at his screen again. He still had to acknowledge Phil’s question, and he wasn’t sure how to go about it. He wanted to tell Phil he already told him everything, have Phil reassure him and tell him that everything was going to be okay again, like he normally did. But Dan couldn’t. He couldn’t lie again, once was already once too many, and something told Dan that if he tried to ignore it or change the topic, Phil would just call him out again.

Fuck.

Dan ^-^ (10:56 PM)

it doesnt matter

Phil :) (10:56 PM)

yes it does

its enough to make you get lost in that head of yours, so it matters

Dan ^-^ (10:57 PM)

phil we both know it doesnt take much for me to get lost in my thoughts

Phil :) (10:58 PM)

still

something is bothering you and i want to fix it

Dan bit his lip. God, Phil had no idea how badly he wanted to let him fix this. He couldn’t though. He just couldn’t.

Dan ^-^ (10:58 PM)

nooo phil, you cant fix this one

Phil :) (10:58 PM)

>:(

you cant even let me try?

Always, always, but just not with this. Dan couldn’t tell Phil this, not when it would hurt him.

Dan ^-^ (11:00 PM)

no phil, not with this sorry :(

Phil :) (11:01 PM)

:((((

okay

i may not like it but i can respect that

will you tell me tomorrow?

Dan looked at the screen, thinking about it. Tomorrow was what he was worried about to begin with. Could he tell Phil tomorrow? He wasn’t sure. Well, it didn’t matter if things went good or not, Dan mused, tomorrow Dan’s fears would either be affirmed or destroyed.

He could only hope.

Dan ^-^ (11:03 PM)

sure

tomorrow

Phil :) (11:03 PM)

yay!!!

Dan laughed, breathily.

Phil :) (11:03 PM)

oooh! look at the time!

its getting so late bear wow

guess we should get to sleep so we dont fall asleep on each other tomorrow huh? xD

Dan’s heart physically melted at the use of Phil’s pet name for him. He only used it occasionally, but it never failed to make Dan’s heart stutter in his chest and the butterflies in his belly to flit around faster, making him feel almost giddy. Hopeful.

God he sounded so stupid right now. Anxious and stressed out of his mind yet still acting like a little kid with their first crush.

Stupid feelings.

Dan ^-^ (11:05 PM)

yeah i guess we should!

night philly :)

Phil :) (11:05 PM)

goodnight dan!! :D

see you tomorrow!

(ps, idk whats bothering you and thats okay but i hope whatever it is it works out for you :“) )

Ah yes. That’s what it boiled down to. Tomorrow morning Dan would board a train and take it up to Manchester to spend some time with Phil. The first time that they would see each other in real life, not just behind a computer screen. They had skyped before and texted and chatted for countless hours over countless days, but the thought of tomorrow still made Dan want to throw up.

He wasn’t good enough for Phil. He was just so terrified that tomorrow Phil would see that.

Dan ^-^ (11:06 PM)

After hitting send Dan thrust the lid to his laptop down and pushed it off of his chest, letting it fall onto the bed. Dan felt sick again. He was so scared about tomorrow because there were so many things that could go wrong and so many flaws that Phil could discover about Dan and so many, so many, ways for what is supposed to be the best day of Dan’s life to turn out to be his worst.

God, he hated his anxiety for always picking things apart. Always fucking with Dan’s own head.

Dan rolled over and grabbed his duvet, pulling it up and wishing that it would just swallow him whole. Fuck. He couldn’t do it tomorrow. He couldn’t handle this stress.

Taking a deep breath, Dan clutched his duvet tighter in his grasp and tried to keep his lip from wobbling.

Right now he just wanted to sleep. He wanted to forget that he didn’t feel good enough, that yet again his insecurities were screwing him over, that he wanted to cry. He wanted to forget. Unfortunately for Dan the universe didn’t agree and he ended up staying awake for hours after the he had closed his laptop, the entire time doing nothing but thinking, getting lost in his head, and wishing that his thoughts would just turn off.

For once.

Please.

~~~~~~

Dan slung his bag over his shoulder. His fingers felt numb. Unlike his greatest hopes, the fitful-at-best night’s sleep did nothing to alleviate Dan’s terror. If anything, it had only magnified it because now it was today and Dan couldn’t run anymore.

He took a cab to the station, and he ended up being earlier than he needed to be, having about an extra ten minutes to wait for his train. He sat on a bench, his legs nothing but jelly at this point, his fears making it quite easy to foresee his long legs from just giving out on him. Dan didn’t want to make an embarrassment of himself on top of it all, so he tried to calm his racing heart while he sat.

With no luck.

Of course.

Dan looked down at the ticket in his hand. It would be so easy to not go. To walk right out of the station, spend the weekend at home instead of with Phil, and not risk Phil seeing how utterly underwhelming Dan was as a person. He could lie, could say that he ran late, missed his train, maybe his parents changed their minds and didn’t let Dan go.

But God, as Dan looked down at the paper in his trembling hand, he couldn’t help but know that he wouldn’t be able to actually go through with not leaving. He wouldn’t be able to lie to Phil, not about something this big—who was he kidding, he had a hard enough time lying to Phil last night over something so small!

But more than that, Dan knew that it was much more than not being able to lie to Phil. He had wanted to meet Phil ever since he had started to watch his videos, and the sentiment had only increased tenfold with their fast friendship. Phil was now much more than a hero, much more than a few minutes of distraction. He was Phil, Dan’s AmazingPhil, and he was his best friend. That lanky black-haired boy was worth so so much in Dan’s eyes, and he couldn’t, couldn’t, leave him in the dust like that. God it wouldn’t just kill Phil, but it would kill Dan too. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

Dan had been thinking too hard. Before he knew it the train was pulling into the station and Dan gulped, raising on still-shaky legs and gripping the strap of his bag so hard he didn’t even have to look to know that his knuckles were blotched white.

As Dan took his seat, a new resolve washed over him. He would go. He would endure this train ride that undoubtedly would be the most anxiety-inducing thing he had done in a very long time—possibly ever—and he would do it for Phil. If Phil would reject him or not, he would try not to dwell on it on the coming trip (a losing battle, Dan knew), but he would still go.

For Phil.

~~~~~

Dan’s heart was going so fast he was sure that he was going to pass out. His hands, his arms, legs, his whole body was trembling.

Manchester’s Piccadilly Station.

Dan was here.

There was a decent amount of people on the station as far as Dan could see as the train pulled in, but none of them looked like his best friend.

The train came to a stop and Dan stood, the first to make it to the doors and there when they opened.

Strangely enough, when the doors pulled open and Dan took a step out into the station, he stopped trembling. His heart slowed—not by much, but it slowed—and this whole thing didn’t seem quite as scary. Sure, Dan’s thoughts were still screaming in his head, sure, his anxiety was still off the charts, and sure, his hands were still sweaty and his breath was still shallow but still. It was as if a calm had washed over him.

Dan wasn’t sure what to make of it. Maybe he was just going into shock.

People busied around him, walking this way and that, talking into cell phones, to other people, some silent. Dan, unsure of everything right now, followed where the general push of people were guiding him, the whole time craning his head, looking for his Phil. He tried not to panic. He tried.

But with every second the calm that had overtook him was shrinking and his anxiety steadily increased.

Did Phil forget? Did he stand me up? Oh God he’s not coming he didn’t come-

"Dan!”

Dan whirled around at the sound of his name, uttered by a voice that sounded so much better when it wasn’t distorted by their shitty computer’s speakers.

Before Dan could register really anything, he was being engulfed in a hug, two strong arms wrapping themselves around Dan’s shoulders, pulling him flush against the figure.

Against Phil.

And instantly all of the shouting in Dan’s head was gone. The slight tremble in his hands vanished, and for the first time in a week, his anxiety was gone without a trace. Dan felt like crying.

Dan gasped in surprise, his brain taking a moment to reboot because Phil didn’t forget, didn’t stand him up, didn’t change his mind, and suddenly Dan felt very, very stupid because how could he ever think that Phil would do something like that. This was Phil, the kindest person on the planet.

Phil pulled away, just a little, just enough so they could see each other’s faces, and Dan had to keep himself from pulling Phil back in.

His smile was so wide, easily the widest Dan had ever seen it. And his eyes, oh God those eyes were a thousand times clearer, a thousand times more mesmerizing than behind a screen. Dan didn’t doubt for a second that he could stand here and look into them for the rest of the day without tiring of their never-ending beauty. Fuck. Why did his eyes have to be so gorgeous.

Dan tore his eyes away from Phil’s and looked over the rest of him, from his broad shoulders that Dan wanted to wrap his arms around, to the tussle of his hair that Dan craved to run his fingers through and the line of his jaw that Dan felt the need to trace. Double fuck. Why did the entirety of Phil have to be gorgeous.

“Dan! I can’t believe you’re here! I have today all planned out; I’m going to show you everything!” Phil said excitedly, a twinkle as clear as day in his eyes. Phil was practically vibrating with excitement and it made a smile spread over Dan’s features. Phil’s happiness was contagious.

Phil stopped his rambling, looking down at Dan sheepishly.

“I mean, if that’s all okay with you. If you don’t want to do something that’s okay, I totally get it. We can do anything you want, I-”

Dan tilted his head back and laughed, laughed because Phil seemed nervous. Phil was nervous and it was adorable.

“Yeah, yeah Phil it’s all fine. All of it, don’t worry. I just can’t believe you want to do it all with me.”

Phil’s smile faded a little, and the twinkle in his eye got that much smaller. He looked a little sad.

“Was this what you were so worried about? That I wouldn’t like you?”

Dan bit his lip and looked down, giving a little nod.

Phil pulled Dan right back into a hug, but this time it felt even more real, and it was impossibly tighter. It felt like Phil was pulling all of Dan’s lost pieces together. Phil’s voice was in his ear.

“Of course I like you, Dan. You’re my best friend. I like you more than anyone else. Promise.”

Dan might have just felt like crying, in that moment. Phil accepted him. He wasn’t going to leave him. Things were okay. They were okay.

He knew that this would hit him later, maybe tonight when he had a chance to process things. He’d probably cry out of relief, but it would all be okay because Phil would be there to hold him together and ease all of Dan’s worries.

Soon enough they set off, hand in hand, and Dan was smiling so wide, so, so wide. He couldn’t have been happier with how things had turned out.

Dan looked sideways at Phil, trying to not be too obvious.

This had worked out so maybe, just maybe, something else could work out for him.

~~~~~

Dan stood at the window, a cup of coffee in his hand. It was early, and he could see the technicolor dream across the sky that was that morning’s sunrise. The steam from his coffee rose from the rim of the cup and slowly diffused into nothing; tendril-like hands wisped up and around Dan’s neck.

It had been nearly nine years.

Dan’s nervousness and dark thoughts never ceased to plague him, however, he learned to deal with it better. He could confidently say that he has never been happier.

It had been nearly nine years, and they were still inseparable. Their channels had grown exponentially, and they boasted an insanely large fan community.

As the years had gone by, their strong, unbreakable friendship slowly blossomed into something remarkably beautiful. Their long Skype calls turned into late night kisses, and they had been happily in love for nearly nine years.

Dan twisted the ring on his third finger. As well as being happily in love, they were also engaged to be married within the next year. Lately, he’d been waking up in complete disbelief.

The thing Dan had wanted so desperately to work out for him did, and in the most perfectly perfect way possible.

#submission

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eddiebrock · 7 years

Note

harry potter!!!!

YOU ARE THE BEST, THANK U

Top 5 favourite characters: Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger, Lily (Evans) Potter, Sirius Black, Harry Potter, Minerva McGonagall (that’s six but fuck it)Other characters you like: Dorcas freaking Meadowes (who is actually a favorite but since she’s literally only mentioned once I felt weird putting her in the Top 5 but I want all of u to know that I would die for Doe), James FREAKING Potter, Hagrid, Luna Lovegood, Remus Lupin, Newt Scamander, Tina Goldstein, Narcissa Malfoy, Alice Longbottom, Kingsley Shacklebolt, and the Weasley TwinsLeast favourite characters: Umbridge, Snape, fucking Vernon & Petunia, Dudley, Otps: JILY, Hinny, Tedromeda!!!!!!!, Newt/Tina, Dorcas/Reginald (the rarest of all rarepairs lmao), Fralice, Jacob/QueenieNotps: please don’t send me any anon hate for this lmao i can’t deal, Dra*mione, Dra*rry, Wolf*star (I HAVE MY REASONS), SNILY, apparently snamione and snarry are a thing???? so that’s fucking gross, Regulus/Sirius, CarrowcestFavourite friendships: Ron and Harry, Harry and Hermione, Ginny and Hermione!!!!!!!!!!, Luna and Ginny, James and Sirius, Lily and Remus, Newt and Jacob, Dorcas and Mary, Dorcas and Alice, Ginny and Neville, Neville and Luna, Kingsley and Remus, and like way 2 many more

Favourite family: The Potters and the Weasleys!!!Favourite episodes moment: ‘Humph,’ snorted Professor McGonagall. ‘It’s high time your grandmother learned to be proud of the grandson she’s got, rather than the one she thinks she ought to have – particularly after what happened at the Ministry.’Favourite season/book/movie: I think the third book was probably my favorite book, but Deathly Hallows Pt. 2 my favorite movie (despite some stupid shit that happened)Favourite quotes: i have way, way, WAY too many favorite quotes to list them all, so i’m just gonna put down my favorite under-appreciated quote because i’ve never seen anyone talk about it, but in the cursed child when draco is like “mY sOn Is MiSsInG” and ginny fucking potter gets up in his face and screams “SO IS MINE” and i just???? ugh, man. S O I S M I N E. ginny is the bestBest musical moment: Dumbledore’s Farewell & S T A T U E S are two of the most powerful music moments in the entire franchise, sue me, and the only reason i say statues and not Courtyard Apocalypse is because of the absolute masterful cinematography that went along with the song Statues and how the sound was really MADE for that moment, i will fight everyone on thisMoment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: returning back to statues scene because honestly, ‘Hogwarts is threatened!’ shouted Professor McGonagall. ‘Man the boundaries, protect us, do your duty to our school!’ gets me EVERY TIMEWhen it really disappointed you: not a single canonical bisexual Saddest moment: “Does it hurt?“ The childish question had escaped Harry’s lips before he could stop it. “Dying? Not at all,” said Sirius. “Quicker and easier than falling asleep.” / harry listening to his own parents die during the cursed child Most well done character death: fuck dude, definitely fred’s because till my dying fucking day i will never forget the phrase “the ghost of his last laugh still etched upon his face”Favourite guest star: Dorcas Meadowes counts as a guest star because she’s only mentioned one (1) time and I literally named my dog after herFavourite cast member: Emma Watson (but also Daniel Radcliffe)Character you wish was still alive: Sirius Black One thing you hope really happens: I want Seraphina Piquery to get 100000x more screentime, she is a badass bitch and I could really use some woc American presidentst in my life, also make her BISEXUALMost shocking twist: honestly, snape killing dumbledore. like i know that’s a big joke now like SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE, but man, i remember reading it and just about shitting myself because i could not fucking believe it. also the whole “the elder wanda ctually belonged to draco but then i disarmed draco so it belonged to me but voldemort thought it belonged to snape so,” was WILDWhen did you start watching/reading?: a little over 10 yrs ago or somethingBest animal/creature: B O W T R U C K L E SFavourite location: godric’s hollow, and it’s because of the way it was staged for the cursed child (i talk more about it later on in this massive meme answer lol)Trope you wish they would stop using: it’s not a trope but i’m gonna harp on this again, there is not a single canon bisexual One thing this show/book/film does better than others: fucks up my entire world in less than a second. but in all seriousness, this whole franchise has such a way of touching that piece of nostalgia, and family and love and all these wonderful things that make me and many others feel so warm and safe. it has such an important and underlying positive message to it and i really just don’t think anything else in the world has touched so many people in such a massive and important way like harry potter has. plus, according to an actual scientific study, people who have read harry potter tend to be better human beings, so there’s that, tooFunniest moments: “There’s no need to call me sir, professor.” / “Have a biscuit, Potter.”Couple you would like to see: Newt and Tina!!! Seraphina and another woman!!!!!!Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: Imogen Poots!!!!!!!!!! but that has a 0% chance of happening, so Maisie Williams and Natalie DormerFavourite outfit: seraphina’s crazy cool outfits and hermione’s sweater in the woods in deathly hallows pt. 1 (but in the books, hermione’s perriwinkle yule ball gown)Favourite item: the invisibility cloak for sure, but also harry’s glassesDo you own anything related to this show/book/film?: the sheer audacity of this question…….. the ability to even list it all is……….. unfathomableWhat house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?: GRYFFINDORMost boring plotline: the entire lavender/ron stint Most laughably bad moment: voldemort trying to hug draco lolBest flashback/flashfoward if any: it’s not really a flashback, but in the cursed child, when they go back in time to the night james and lily died, i can’t remember if the script talked about this but on stage, lily (WHO WAS APPROPRIATELY AGED) took baby harry in a stroller out of the house and there were pumpkins and all sorts of cute halloween decorations all around, and it was peaceful and quiet and when they got out the door she was cooing and talking to harry and making all these cute funny faces at him, and i literally could not keep it together. shortly thereafter, when harry’s gone back in time too, on stage they’re all standing there as voldemort walks off the stage and harry’s forced to listen to his parents die. i’ve never wept so much in my entire life. it was so good. Most layered character: i think narcissa malfoy, probably, if not albus dumbledore, who isn’t the most popular character around but face it, the guy’s got layersMost one dimensional character: umbridge, her only dimension is Evil and i’m ok with it staying that wayScariest moment: fucking basiliskGrossest moment: fucking aragogBest looking male: percival graves probably lmao colin farrell is fine as fuckBest looking female: obviously hermione grangerWho you’re crushing on (if any): i always have a crush on ginny and hermioneFavourite cast moment: that time when they’re wrapping up the final movie, and they’re watching this memories video while they were all still in costume, and emma started crying and daniel hugged her and it was just the cutest thing i’ve ever seen and i still cry, also all of them crying and hugging jk rowling at the premiere of dhp2Favourite transportation: definitely broomsticksMost beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): deathly hallows part 2 where they’re putting up the protective spells over hogwarts, and it’s got all the colours in that enormous shield and it just brings tears to my eyesUnanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: WHY ARE JAMES AND LILY PORTRAYED BY REASONABLY PARENTAL-AGED PEOPLE??? THEY DIED WHEN THEY WERE 21 AND EVERYONE DESERVESTO KNOW HOW FUCKING SAD THAT IS, also what the fuck happened to the real percival graves??? is he dead??? do i get to see colin farrell come back as a good guy at any point????Best promo: i will never forget the day that the audio from the SDCC trailer for deathly hallows part 1 came out, and all you could hear was kingsley shacklebolt saying “the ministry has fallen. the minister of magic is dead. they are coming.” and i just remember sitting at my old desk and whispering “oh my god!!!!! oh my god!!!!!!” and playing the audio over and over again and that was like. magicalAt what point did you fall in love with this show/book: “Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.”

#ask meme #meerareeed #julie #hp #about me #this was Crazy

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sadrien · 7 years

Text

goodbyes & hellos

on ao3

im so so so late but hey this is for first day of prompt week for @thinkoutsidethelovesquare!!!! day one: wrong number

this was a lot of fun tbh and ive been dying to write this ship. alyas texts are italicized, adriens are underlined on ao3, just bold here bc tumblrs a butt. shoutout to @reyxa for the title <3

enjoy!

Alya narrows her eyes at the new message that lights up her phone. It’s an unknown number that she doesn’t recognize — not that she’s given her number to anyone recently — and it’s also seven in the morning . Anyone how knows her at all should know that she doesn’t wake up before at least nine on the weekends. (And that has nothing to do with the fact that she doesn’t sleep during the week and tends to go to bed after two in the morning.)

She groans as another message shows up on the screen. She squints and lets the messages flow in, figuring she can tell the person they’ve got the wrong number after they’ve finished whatever they have to say. Or she can decide that it’s unimportant and ignore it and go back to sleep.

She likes her second plan the best.

unknown number: Hi!

unknown number: Just wanted to let you know the start time for today has been moved from 10 to 9:15

unknown number: My father has a meeting at 1300 so he wants to get it all done as soon as possible

unknown number: And I know you mentioned wanting to have him on set yesterday

unknown number: I hope it’s not too much of an inconvenience! Your agent should be calling you soon, but I thought I’d give you a heads up

Alya squints at the screen. She doesn’t want to care but she’s curious. And curiousity killed the cat and all that but she’s used to letting her nosiness get the best of her.

unknown number: agents???

unknown number: 1st of all srry u have the wrong number

unknown number: 2nd of all were u talking to a movie star or smth???????

unknown number: book writer??

unknown number: what kinda person needs an agent

unknown number: Oh I’m sorry! I must’ve gotten the wrong number from someone

unknown number: I’m really sorry if I was bothering you

Alya rolls her eyes.

unknown number: u woke me up but its chill cause now im curious

unknown number: Curious? About what?

unknown number: way 2 keep avoiding the question

unknown number: ???

unknown number: u said the person u meant to text has an agent

unknown number: how fancy r they

unknown number: Oh! She’s a model!

Alya’s eyes widen. The most famous person she knows is that thirteen year old that was in her school who has ten thousand subscribers on YouTube because she makes lyric videos. The second is a boy who has a few thousand instagram followers because he has nice abs and lots of white boy clothing and muscle shirts.

unknown number: u kno a model????????

unknown number: Uhh

unknown number: I’m not sure how much personal information I should be giving to a stranger

Alya sighs. So close.

unknown number: its fine dude (dude? u good w that? lmk if u arent) i getchu

unknown number: u can just stop responding if u dont wanna talk

She locks her phone and slides it back under her pillow. She stares at the ceiling for a few more minutes, wondering if she’ll be able to fall back asleep. As much as she’d like to take the train back to dreamville, she can’t. Because now she’s awake and now she’s wondering. And once she stops wondering, she doesn’t stop.

She’ll probably stop thinking about this random wrong number in a few days and in a few months, she’ll forget about them entirely but…

Ugh.

Sleep definitely isn’t an option anymore.

Leaving her phone in her bed, she pads to the kitchen, twisting her hair up into a messy bun as she does so. No one is up yet — of course they aren’t, it’s seven on a Saturday and everyone is taking advantage of every precious minute of sleep they can get — so she has the run of the house to herself.

So she makes herself some coffee and a bowl of cereal and turns to television on. Her initial plan is to just leave it on whatever channel that’s playing when she first turns it on, and luckily the twins were the last ones to use it. Saturday morning cartoons. Score.

Alya stirs sugar in her coffee as Cyber Chase plays in the background. It’s not much more than background noise, it’s the middle of an episode and she doesn’t really know what’s happening, but she does snort at a few of the bad jokes.

“You’re up early,” her mom says before dropping a kiss on the top of Alya’s head.

Alya hums. “Got a few text messages and they woke me up.” She notes how her mom purposefully avoids eye contact as she opens a cabinet. Alya rolls her eyes and eats a spoonful of cereal.

“School friends?” her mom asks carefully.

“Yes,” Alya lies. Better than her mom asking more questions. The biggest one being why were you talking to a complete stranger?

“Are you going to see them before we leave?”

Alya glues her eyes to the TV. “If they’re around.”

Her mom makes an unimpressed sound and Alya resists the urge to roll her eyes. She texted a few of her friends the other week, but the conversation was awkward and stilted. They all had the same sort of idea about cutting ties.

Alya sighs and puts down her spoon, twisting around in her seat to face her mom. “I promise I’m talking to them.”

Her mom gives her that look— the one where her lips purse and a crease between her eyebrows that’s becoming more and more permanent; the one that says she wants to push for more details, but won’t unless they’re volunteered first. Which Alya is not doing, thank you very much. “If you say so, honey,” her mom says, turning her attention to the breakfast she’s making.

Alya stares down into her cereal bowl.

Time to evacuate to her bedroom.

She finishes her cereal as quickly as she can without choking and dumps her bowl and spoon in the sink as she passes it, taking her coffee with her to her room. New plan: curl up in bed with her laptop and hope her mom just leaves her alone until they move.

Alya’s almost forgotten about her phone by the time she flops onto her bed. It vibrates almost as soon as she opens her laptop. She frowns as she pulls it out from under her pillow.

unknown number: Dude is fine for me

unknown number: He/him pronouns please

unknown number: Thanks for asking I really appreciate it, actually

unknown number: People don’t always ask

Plan trashed. This is a better plan.

unknown number: she/her for me

unknown number: and no prob man

unknown number: i wasnt gonna assume ur gender

unknown number: ok that mightve sounded bad but i didnt mean it in a bad way like the ‘lol dont assume my gender’ way jerks do sometime i meant it in like a genuine

unknown number: if u have smth u wanna say u should say it because i am very tired and i can go on for a while

Whoops.

Alya can’t say she’s known for her stellar first impressions but she usually doesn’t ramble her way into an awkward corner. She mindlessly flips through apps as she waits for a response.

unknown number: Don’t worry about it! I didn’t take it the wrong way or anything

Alya smiles to herself as she responds. He keeps leaving her openings which is nice. Based off his initial reaction, she thought he’d shut this down as fast as possible.

She realizes this is probably a little weird. But it’s the most exciting thing to happen to her since school let out so…

unknown number: so whats up stranger??

unknown number: b4 u ask im just sitting in my room doing nothing but text u so thats my morning

unknown number: I actually have work soon, so that’s fun

Alya raises her eyebrows. She forgot age was something else she didn’t know yet.

unknown number: oo work that sounds fun

unknown number: what do u do???

unknown number: I work for my dad, it isn’t anything special

unknown number: But it gives me something to do with my time so I don’t mind that much

unknown number: If I randomly stop responding without warning, that’s why

unknown number: good 2 kno

unknown number: can i ask what u do 4 ur dad or is that 2 personal

unknown number: I uh… I just do whatever he needs me to do

unknown number: I don’t get paid or anything but

unknown number: ay it still works as a resume builder

unknown number: Yeah exactly!

unknown number: thats cool that ur dad can get u a job!! my mom and dad could never w their jobs so i just suffer

unknown number: not that thats any different from what i would do anyway as a teenager

Alright, perfect. She’s brought up the age question in a really clunky and awkward way. Better than nothing.

unknown number: Oh how old are you?

unknown number: I’m 15

Alya lets out a sigh of relief.

unknown number: ayy same!

unknown number: just ur fav teenage superhero blogger

unknown number: doing nothing with her life

unknown number: You like superheroes?

unknown number: yeah!! i love comic books. you??

unknown number: I don’t have time to read many but yeah! I’ve always loved Spiderman

unknown number: wonder woman is my g i r l

unknown number: superheroes are just so cool

She waits a few minutes before she decides that he must have gone off to work. Bonding over superheroes, that’s good. A shared interest. She scrolls through their conversation, rereading some of the earlier messages before she creates a contact for him. She makes the name ‘stranger’ and leaves it at that.

It’s not like they’re meeting up or anything. Even if he is an ax murderer, can’t kill her if she never sends him her location.

Alya spends the next couple of hours avoiding her mom as much as possible. She takes her sisters to the park and then goes to the library after she brings them home.

She doesn’t want to talk about it.

She’s clicking through a webcomic that she missed a few weeks worth of updates when her phone buzzes. She glances down, expecting it to be a text from her mom asking if she has any plans or to do chores or something, but is pleasantly surprised to see a message from her stranger.

stranger: Sorry about that, work ran long

stranger: Admittedly, I don’t know very much about Wonder Woman, but she looks very awesome

unknown number: !!!!

unknown number: when ive got more time remind me to tell u all abou t her

unknown number: and to rec some comic books even if u dont have time

stranger: Is she your favorite?

Alya sits back in her chair. This conversation is going to be a long one.

Alya finds herself randomly texting her stranger for the next few days. He doesn’t always respond quickly, but he responds eventually, no matter how weird her original message.

That’s more than she can say for most of her friends.

She texts him as she’s sitting on the counter in her kitchen, stirring a pot.

unknown number: hey stranger whats up

stranger: Just reading, you?

unknown number: making box mac n cheese

stranger: Sounds fun

unknown number: yeah im gonna eat it straight from the pot

The three dots bounce on the screen as the stranger takes his time with the next message. Alya snorts and turns off the stove, straining the pasta and moving to the fridge to find butter and cheese. He’s found his words by the time she’s letting the butter melt in the pot.

stranger: Straight from the pot? Why?

unknown number: because i live life on the edge

unknown number: and also because im too lazy to clean the dish later

stranger: You know what? That’s fair

Sometimes, Alya thinks that she probably shouldn’t think about someone who she doesn’t even know the name of as often as she does, let alone text him as much as she does. But sometimes she’ll see something, and she’ll immediately think of him. Or she’ll just be randomly upset and feel the strong urge to pick up the phone and see if he’s available to vent to.

She knows it’s kind of weird, but she can’t help herself.

One night, at around two in the morning, she finds herself messaging him.

unknown number: hey did i ever mention i was moving

She’s almost asleep, slightly more okay than she was before she sent the text, when he responds.

stranger: You haven’t but we also don’t talk about where we live

Alya stares at the screen for a long moment, the bright light in the darkness making everything on the screen blur into nothing. She just feels kind of numb.

unknown number: yeah

unknown number: like 8 hours away from where i live now

stranger: Wow that’s a big move

unknown number: yeah

stranger: I’m guessing you don’t want to go?

unknown number: not really

unknown number: did u know ur my only friend right now

stranger: I am?

unknown number: me and my other friends sort of cut ties

stranger: The internet exists

stranger: Phones exist

stranger: FaceTime and Skype both kind of suck, but they exist

unknown number: yeah i guess

unknown number: i guess its just too hard for any of us to try

stranger: I have no idea how far apart we live

stranger: We’re doing just fine

unknown number: yeah

unknown number: yeah ur right

One of Alya’s small comforts that comes to mind whenever she thinks about moving is the fact that she’ll have her phone on her and a portable charger. Her stranger will be with her every step of the way.

He’d managed to get her to talk to some of her friends. She doesn’t really think it’ll last once she’s in Paris, but the attempt is nice. And it gives her other people to talk to for the rest of the summer.

It’s too early in the morning when they leave for the last time for her to get really emotional about moving. All she has the energy to do is to take a picture of her old apartment, caption it ‘one last goodbye to marseille’, and save it before sending it to her friends over Snapchat. Before she falls asleep against the car window, she texts it to her stranger.

She wakes up to a new text among the goodbyes from her friends.

stranger: Have a nice car ride! I’ll let you know when I get back from work <3

Alya hides her smile from her sisters and screenshots the text for later.

She texts him from the floor of her new bedroom while her dad starts moving boxes. They’ve been in the process of moving for a while now, shipping most of their things to Paris beforehand. Now all that remains is the actual unpacking.

Alya doesn’t have the energy for that. She just lays on the floor and stares at the ceiling for a while. Then she picks up her phone and sends him a text.

It’s been about an hour since they last talked. She’d talked to him for a good majority of the car ride, only stopping when he was busy and ending the conversation when they arrived so she could get her things out of the car and help her sisters with theirs. She’d sent him a picture of her empty bedroom and said ‘let the unpacking begin :P’. He’d responded with a ‘Good luck!!’ and ‘I’ll let you get to work!’

Alya’s thumb hovers over the send button for a few seconds. She’s never really pushed him for any sort of personal information before.

New city, new Alya. Or something.

unknown number: hey just wondering

unknown number: what do u have me in ur phone as??

unknown number: i have u in here as stranger

stranger: Your contact name?

stranger: Uh awkward but you don’t?

stranger: You’re the only one I just have the number for, so I know who you are that way

Alya reads his texts a few times before she responds. She doesn’t know what she expects in return, but she figures she has nothing to lose.

unknown number: im alya

unknown number: in case u were wondering

stranger: Hi Alya

stranger: I’m Adrien

#adrien agreste #alya cesaire #alyadrien #outsidethelovesquare #miraculous ladybug #my fics #oof its done

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lavieboheme930 · 4 years

Text

I Cross My Heart

Do you ever judge people based on if they believe in God or not? Nope. I believe in God and have friends who have different believes. But I don’t judge people period.

Do you ever brush your teeth in the shower? No

Has your printer ever stopped working at the last minute and you had a paper due the next day? What did you do? Probably back in my college days.

Are you sometimes scared to express your opinions in fear of what others might think? Yes

Do you have a girl that is strictly a friend that isn’t related to you that you can go to? Yes

Have you ever painted your nails on only one hand, forgetting about the other one or getting side-tracked? >> No.

Have you ever tried sucrets? Nope

Would you date someone that smokes? Not a fan of cigarettes, but I wouldn’t hold that against them.

What about drinks? Again, wouldn’t hold it against them.

Have you ever gone to one of those parties where everyone is falling around drunk everywhere? No. But then again I don’t party

Are you “the good guy”, or “the bad guy”, or somewhere in between? good guy

Do you ever erase the numbers off of surveys just because they annoy you? No

Person you like shows up at your house: you … How’d you find out where I lived

Last person you talked on the phone with? My mom

Do you think you will have the same best friend a year from now? Totally. Taron Bitches for life!!!

Do you have siblings over the age of twenty-one? Only child

Will tomorrow be better than today? It’ll be around the same

What do you hear right now? Elton John <3 <3

What was the last thing to go into your mouth? iced coffee

Do you usually tell people when you’re mad at them? No

Honestly, how is your heart lately? Ok

Do you miss anyone? Yes

Are you waiting for a phone call? >> No.

If an ex said they hated you, what would you say? N/A

What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship? N/A

What do you think when someone kisses you on your forehead? I think it’s cute.

What do you usually do right when you wake up? Check my messages

Are you looking forward to anything? Yes, meeting up with my best friends to see Elton John in April.

How late did you stay up last night? 2am I think

Do you truly hate anyone? >> No.

Would you ever get a tattoo? No

In the past forty-eight hours, have you hung out with a girl? No

Were you happy when you woke up today? Yeah cause my friends left me messages with pics of Taron.

If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you? Yes

Would you rather go back a week or go forward? Forward

Would you ever smile at a stranger? Sure

Who was the last person to text you? Stacy

What are you doing today? I worked and now nothing

Truthfully, is there someone you used to date that you miss? Yeah

Have you ever gotten burnt by a cigarette? No

Have you ever been so bored that you started drooling on yourself? No

Do you brush your teeth right away when you wake up? Soon after

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Not anymore

Want to get smashed tonight? No

What time are you getting up tomorrow? 9am

Are you happy with the choices you’ve made? For the most part

Think back to last June; were you single? Yes

Have you ever made someone laugh when they were crying? Probably

Describe how you feel right now. Blah

Would you date someone three years older than you? Sure

Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning? Night

Do you think more about the past, present, or future? All 3 really

Are you okay with the life you live? >> Sure.

Could you handle living with the last person you texted? Sure

Was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? I’m always reading for fun

Have you accomplished any goals you set for yourself this year so far? I didn’t set any goals.

If you could go forward in time and see your life 5 years from now, what would you hope to see? I don’t know.

Are there still movie rental stores where you live or have they all gone out of business? All gone.

What was the last thing to annoy you or make you upset? Some people on FB

Do you think you would be a good match for your celebrity crush/es assuming you have one? Why? If you don’t have one, who was the last person you saw that you found attractive? Sure. I mean, well which one. We’ve got Taron and Richard as my celebrity crushes. Though I’d have to say Richard first LOL

When looking for something to watch on TV do you tend to pick shows you know you like, or try new shows that look interesting even though you’ve never heard of them before? Shows I like.

Have you ever been ditched by someone only to find them out and about with someone else? >> No.

How old were you when you had your wisdom teeth removed? 19

What is the last song you sang out loud? Why Not?- Hilary Diff

Where was the last job application you filled out sent to? Probably The Strand Bookstore years ago

Have you ever been fired from a job? >> No.

What do people tell you your voice sounds like? I don’t know.

What financial class are you? Ha!

What poster is hanging closest to you? Rocketman ones.

What time did you go to bed last night? 2am

Do you watch any reality shows? Just Michael Carbonaro

Do you think you’re fat? No

Have you ever borrowed money from someone and never repaid them? No

Do you have a pet cat? No

What is worse: physical or emotional pain? I think emotional

If you had to get up at 6 AM tomorrow morning, would it be painful? Yes

How is your hair? Messy

Who was the last person who called you? My mom

How long does it take you to fall asleep at night? Depends.

How many people have you had strong feelings for in the year of 2012? I have no idea that was so long ago. I guess that would’ve been 2

What are you doing for your next birthday? I don’t know

Would you go on a date with someone right now if they asked? Yes

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough, you’ll get it? No

Last movie you watched? Eddie the Eagle

Who were you with? >> Nobody. But me and my besties had the movie night while on the phone together.

Who came over last? No one

Have you ever wanted to be a ballet dancer? Yes when I was a kid and took ballet.

Does your family keep tons of leftovers in the fridge? Enough

Favourite FRIENDS character? That is, if you like it. RACHEL!!!!!

Skullcandy headphones, yay or nay? I liked them back in the day

Are you thinking of getting another piercing? Where? >>more on my ears

Do you love when people remember little things about you? Sure

Do you ‘bless’ strangers when they sneeze? Yes

How many phones have you gone through? >> Too many.

Have you always lived in the house you currently reside in? >> No.

Do you think your future will be a good one? Hope so

#surveys

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