#Like I catch myself talking about the rain in ways sometimes that make me go '🤨🤨🫵 stop that.'

[anothermonikan]

God made me aro so I wouldn't have the opportunity to be weird over an actual real life person, only computers and the rain <3

[mintmatcha]

Inevitable Things: chapter two

aizawa x reader fic

cw: aizawa x reader, cisfem reader, office AU, no quirks. no porn in first two chapters, sorry gang :)

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When you arrive at 8:35, all of the lights in the building are already on, a warm, yellow hued light against the stormy sky. The exterior almost melts into the overcast; it makes you think of that ‘bye-bye blue' that Disney coined for its buildings, only much more depressing. Sometimes you look at this build and think about the hours of your life that it’s stolen, but not today. No, for once, you decide to have a good day. 

It’s your birthday, after all.

The dash across the parking lot is a bit wobbly, your heels catching the gravel and potholes. Mic had texted you last night to remind you to wear something special, since he and a couple other office friends were taking you out, so you had dawned the only pair of heels you actually liked: a red pair you found at a thrift shop years ago. The stilettos are a bit high and much too sexy for your taste, but there’s an unknowable something about them that you love. 

You did, however, forget your umbrella.

One of the interns is by the door, jacket pulled over his head to protect himself and his cigarette from the rain. Izuku, chubby cheeked and doe eyed, is shorter than most of his peers, with thick green curls that puff up and frizz in the humidity. For his stature, he’s surprisingly built; he and his boyfriend -no, fiance now- go to the gym together every morning and the hard work shows. You can’t help but notice the curve of bicep that flexes as he moves his arm back to his face.

“Good morning!” you call out. The weather is cool, so you wrap both hands around your special little birthday latte. Izuku seems unphased by the weather; he sniffles a bit as he pulls another drag, freckled nose wrinkling. The red stained rims of his eyes are stark against his tan skin. 

“Yeah.” He sucks in a breath, trying to keep his voice light and failing. His Southern draw sits heavy on his tongue. “Not quite.”

“Oh no, what happened?” Rain drives a shiver up your spine and so does the look in his eyes.

 “Like, okay, it was so-” He takes another thick pull and exhales it too quickly, coughing a bit as he talks. His ideas come faster than his mouth can handle. “First thing this morning-- well, actually, Ka-chan and I got here before anybody, so it wasn’t, like, first thing-first thing, you know? Anyway, like- thirty minutes after the first thing, when Mr. Aizawa arrived, he like, didn’t even set his stuff down before he told me to get into the conference room, which is crazy because he usually won’t do anything until you’re here and-”

“Izuku, focus.”

“I am focused-- these are important details! Mr. Aizawa pulled me into a conference room this morning and reamed me out. Incompetent: he called me lazy and incompetent, which is crazy because I do so much in this department! You wouldn’t believe it! And you know what Ka did? Laughed. He could hear it from the cubicle and he laughed, isn’t that awful? We’re getting married and yet he thinks it's okay to laugh at my misfortun-?”

“Wait, slow down,” you say. “Why were you yelled at?”

Izuku takes a dramatic gulp of air to slow himself, but it clearly does nothing. His finger twiddle the cigarette back and forth, ash falling to the puddle at his feet.. “He told me the work I turned in yesterday wasn't acceptable.”

It couldn't be the things you did. There’s no way; you’re smart -- well, okay, maybe not. You’re competent at least-- competent enough that you’ve done the reports previously without any complaints. 

“No.”

“It's my fault.” Izuku continues. His accent gets thicker when it’s holding worry, clipping words and rounding out other sounds. “I should have finished them myself, but Denki offered to help me out-- and I had a meeting with the wedding planner yesterday so I had to leave early; if i was late again I would have upset Mitsuki and I couldn’t upset Mitsuki again because she’s intense, like, way more intense that Katsuki ever is, so I’m a little terrified of her-”

Fuck. You can’t listen- you’re trying to focus on keeping your breakfast down. That was your work. You’re the one that made Izuku and Denki look bad.

“-Biomedical engineering. Why did I pick biomedical engineering? I should have chosen law school like Iida. That would have been a better career path.”

“What about Denki?” You interrupt his rambling and he seems to snap out of his panic loop. For once, he’s quiet. “What about Denki, Izuku?”

“Oh.” Izuku says. “Yeah. Well.”

He places the cigarette between his teeth and goes to suck, only to realize he’s hit the filter. With a tsk, he smashes the embers against the concrete side of the building, but doesn’t drop the butt, instead holding it in his palm. A trickle of rain runs down your cheek, just enough to make you shiver.

“Allegedly,” Now, he speaks too slowly, chewing on every word. “HR is working on his off boarding.”

Your body forgets how to breathe. The interns are all part of a specific college program- if they aren’t working, they don’t get credit towards their summer graduation. Because of you, Denki will not be graduating this spring-- in fact, he’s going to have to wait another full school year until he can apply for graduating again. Your head is spinning from the lack of oxygen and you have to manually force yourself to suck in a breath.

“He’s fired?” you ask, stupidly. 

“I’m not surprised, to be honest.” Izuku says. His pretty little curls are flattened now, heavy with wet. “This was his fifth big mistake and Mr. Aizawa is, well… he’s Mr. Aizawa. He doesn’t pull any punches.”  

“Oh, geez.” You want to barf. “Oh, no, oh, geez.” 

You’re ruining someone's life. One mistake and  you’ve fucked everything up. Tears prickle hot behind your eyes as you think; what are your options here? You can’t just let this happen. Your job is to fix things-- that’s the only thing you’re good for. Discussing this with Aizawa would be a dead end; he’d probably just fire you too. You need to go above him. 

“I’ll fix this,” you say, mostly to reassure yourself. You turn on your heel and march inside, a plan already forming in your mind. “Don’t worry.”

“Fix what?” Izuku calls after you. “Denki getting fired?”

You flash the security officer your badge, not bothering to turn around. There’s no time for that. The head of HR is usually punctual, so you only have a couple minutes before he arrives and sees the termination paperwork. It’ll take time to process, of course, but you’d rather fix this before it’s even reached that point.  You scramble to your desk and don’t bother to sit down before you’re picking up your phone and dialing. The number is posted on a little sticky note, right under ‘emergencies only’ written in big red letters. This… counts, right? This is an emergency in its own regard.

The line rings once, then twice. Then, it clicks. 

“Good morning.” The voice on the other side is unusually smooth, a clear timbre despite it all. In between words he takes long, drawing breaths, pulling through his nasal cannula. “Is my company? On fire?”

You laugh at that and you aren’t sure why. Maybe it’s the trill of fear in your gut, burrowing its way out anyway it can. “Good morning, sir. No, the building is still standing, luckily.”

“Please,"  he says, and you understand immediately.

“Yagi.” The informality of it all feels weird, even after all this time. He's the CEO and he wants you to address him like a friend. It’s been that way since you first started, but it still feels undeserved. “How are you?”

“I’m well.” Behind him you can hear the mumble of the television: a children’s show, you think. “My niece is visiting. So, I’ve been. Spending a lot of time. By the pond, feeding the ducks.”

He mentioned once that he had wanted children, but the company had taken up too much of his time. That memory makes your gut twist in a different way as you remember just how finite his time really is. 

“That sounds lovely.”

“It is lovely.” He pauses. Then, clears his throat. “Not that I’m. Not happy to hear from you, but… why are you calling?”

“Well, I-” You’re not sure where to start. You shift your weight from one foot to the other, swaying like you have to pee. “I made a mistake.”

“What kind of mistake?”  

“Not a company ruining one, but…” Oh, geez. Maybe you'll end up being the one without a job today.  “I finalized some work for the engineering department interns and it wasn’t up to standard. And the manager-”

“-Shouta?”

 “Yes, uh. Aizawa. He wasn’t aware of that fact and he fired the intern for work that I did.”

There's a pause.

“Are you sure?” He sniffles a bit. You can picture how he itches his nose with the back of his hand. He hates that tube. “I know he isn’t. The warmest man, but Aizawa. Isn’t one to fire. An employee without. Apt reason. Have you tried. Speaking to him?”

You can’t. The idea of confrontation makes your skin itch. Besides, you can’t just look him in the eyes and admit you fucked up-- he’d lose his mind. 

“I just can’t let Kaminari get in trouble for my work.”

Yagi hums a low tone.

“I’ll bring it. To Shouta’s attention.” You almost jump for joy at that. “And I’ll let HR. Know.”

“Oh, thank you.” You’re physically bouncing. “I felt so guilty.”

“That’s under. Standable.” he says. “Maybe we. Have the engineers. Do their own work from now on, okay?”

“I know, I know, I just--” Can’t say no? “I like to be useful.”

“You’re more than useful.” His voice is warm, almost paternal. “I’m being told that I have an episode of Bluey to watch, so…”

“Goodbye, have fun, thank you, thank you, thank you.”

You hang up, then wait a couple beats before sighing with relief. Crisis avoided! Happy birthday to you! Maybe, against all odds, this will be a good day. 

You drop into your seat and let it spin. Your latte isn’t hot anymore, but even lukewarm it’s still pretty damn good. After it boots up, your computer notifications are alight with companies wishing you a happy day and a merry 30% off. There’s a couple of DMs from coworkers that you haven’t opened yet as well and the attention makes you glitter.You almost forget that Touya still hasn't read your messages. It's not a surprise; he always forgets your birthday. It shouldn’t upset you at this point.

The workday official starts and, for once, it’s calm. There’s time to organize your desk and check on your facebook. Maybe, just maybe, the universe has decided to be kind to you. Yagi sounded better than he usually does, if not a bit winded.

You’re thirty, but you don’t feel older. 18 feels like last week, 25 is still your friend. Being this old almost feels like a joke-- especially being this old and single, with a job you’re not passionate about. You thought, maybe, that things would be okay by now. You’d be successful, with more than a couple hundred in your checking account, and a husband that could return a fucking text. Life, of course, had other plans.

It’s not that you don’t love Touya. You do. You really do. You just wish that you didn’t. It's easier to love someone like Hizashi or a boring man from R&D, but being with him feels like running on sand as it sinks down an hourglass. You're too far gone already, too intertwined with him; fate has linked you to a man that will inevitably break your heart, over and over again.

You almost don’t notice the stomp of boots down the hallway until it’s too late. You’ve been eclipsed.

Aizawa turns the corner so quickly that you jump and spill your coffee. His brow furrowed so deeply that his ‘11’ lines have gained an extra 1, and extra wrinkles have puckered around his straight drawn mouth. When he speaks, his lips curl up in one corner in revulsion, giving you a hint of canine. Someone from marketing walks down the hall,  meets your eyes, then turns back around, fleeing it away from this situation. You wish you could do the same.

 His hands press flat against your desk. The space he takes up alone makes you wilt, drawing back into your chair. Oh, he's pissed. Beyond pissed. His hair is down for once, falling in front of his face as he talks, and his hoodie sleeves are pushed to his elbows, revealing the punched, tense muscle underneath. The finer hairs on his arms are raised up into goosebumps, standing straight like pins.

“If you have a problem with the way I run my department,” Aizawa seethes. “At least have the balls to say it to my face.” 

The air in your lungs turns icy. You’re frozen there, hands hovering above your keyboard, unsure if you should even pick up your drink. 

“On what planet is it acceptable to tattle on me to the CEO?” His voice carries down the hall as he growls at you, the low, rolling tone of his voice somehow more terrifying than actual yelling. He reminds you of a wild dog, ears pinned back and ready to bite. And you’re just the poor rabbit in his path. “And to HR? Are you fucking kidding? You’re better than this.”

Oh, this is the type of interaction you were trying to avoid. Heat flares across your cheeks as you sputter and you frantically look anywhere else to avoid the burn. “I-- uh--”

“Did the interns come crying to you again?” Aizawa continues. “Did you let them walk all over you again?”

He leans in even closer.

“You are not their mother or their friend. They are adults. With jobs. And they do not need the secretary saving them from work they are paid to do-- especially Kaminari, who regularly abuses your good faith.”

Your shoes. You focus on those. Your pretty, candy red heels with the delicate strap, the ones Touya always compliments and the ones that make you feel beautiful. 

“Calling Toshinori? May I remind you that he is actively dying? May I remind you that you are actively wasting his time with this?"

Shoes, look at your shoes.

"I also don’t have the fucking time for this. We are a business in a time crunch-- I don’t have the energy or brain power or man power to be dragging around dead weight," he says. "If I decide someone isn't fit enough to work here, they are not fit to work here. Do you understand that?”

Oh. A sudden, horrible realization hits you. All of the weeks of stress and loneliness and heartbreak and other random bullshit that’s built up in your life is hitting all at once and, despite how hard you’re trying not to, you are going to cry. Tears are prickling hot against the corners of your eyes, burning to come out, and you know there’s only second before they spill over-

“Do you understand that?”

You look up. He looks down. Your lip quivers. 

Aizawa immediately draws back, eyes widening with realization. He opens his mouth, then closes it, then opens it again, drawing in a short breath. His brows are pinched together differently now; if he was anyone else, you’d assume he was sorry. If he was anyone else, you might care.

“I didn’t mean to…” he tries.

“You’re-” You want to scream and fight and curse, but all you can say is: “I hate you.”

It’s incredibly juvenile, but saying it feels good. With all of the fury you can muster, you stand, chair bouncing back against the wall behind you, and march out of there and straight into the women’s bathroom. You hold your chin high until the door slams behind you. 

Then, you sob. It’s loud enough that you know it can be heard in the hall, wet enough that all of your make-up ends on the back of your hands, hard enough that you lose one of your contacts, but you just can’t stop. It comes in a torrent, one that doesn’t stop until you’re all blurry eyed and swollen and absolutely, positively destroyed.  

Fucking astrology. Fucking Aizawa. Fucking work. Fucking Touya. Fucking turning thirty.

Your heels look stupid against the blue and white linoleum. The faux leather no longer looks convincing, but like cheap, normal plastic. Your cellphone is still on your desk and covered in an 8 dollar latte, so there's nothing to distract you from your own downward spiral. You want to be helpful. You want to be a good person, but nothing seems to work out that way. 

By the time you manage to peel yourself out of the bathroom stall, the world has started to turn again. Someone’s at the coffee station, stirring in way too many sugars, someone else is taking on the phone just out of earshot. Aizawa is thankfully gone. You’re not sure you could have handled more of that.

Frankly, you’re not sure you can handle more of anything. You strip your other contact from your eye and throw on your only other option: the emergency glasses you have stashed in your desk. Great, as if you didn't feel bad enough already, now you feel ugly too. 

A ping comes through from HR, letting you know that you have sick time available 'if need be.’ For once, the office gossip works in your favor. You shoot off a quick reply, confirming that you're going to head out, then grab your phone. It's sticky and wet, but it still works.

do you want to leave work early and go get drunk?<-

Hizashi’s response is almost immediate.

->leave work early????? who is this and what have you done with my babygirl?????

-is that a no? ): <-

->are you kidding?????? I’ll be at your desk in 15

You are going to get drunk. Very. Very. Drunk.

[honeytama]

Make Your Move - Chapter 4

Noah Sebastian x Reader x Matt Dierkes

A/N: I love this chapter so much! Enjoy! Also, a part of this chapter was inspired by this (read after if you prefer no spoilers)

Fic Summary: Find in Fic Masterlist

Content and Warnings for Ch. 4: Fluff (some v cheesy), some suggestive content, a date?, Matt’s POV included

Word Count: 3k

Tag List: @xxkittenkissesxx @exitwoundsx @jilliemiw86 @abiomens @lma1986

@flowery-mess @doomhands-jr @rain-down-on-me @justdamnpeachy @thatchickwiththecamera @narcissisticbehavior81

You sat alone at the back of the tour bus thinking; watching towns pass you by out of the window.

“You have to choose,” Folio advised.

You hated that you didn’t feel that same. What’s so wrong with liking them both? You think. Although, you knew there were only two options, choose one or have neither.

There was Matt: your best friend, your long-time crush, he was safe, protective, and funny, but also cocky, unpredictable, and your boss.

And Noah: he was new, your celebrity crush that took interest in you, he was caring, and a sweetheart, but at the same time, you felt that he and you would only happen in a fantasy.

This wasn’t a decision you wanted to make.

A knock on the wall of the doorway brings you out of your thoughts. You turn and Matt is leaning against it.

“You thinkin’ about me?” he teases.

“Yeah, actually,” you laugh, “I’m plotting to overthrow you as lead tour manager. Nick and Jolly have already signed my petition.”

“Shut up,” he shakes his head and comes to sit next to you. “What’s actually on your mind?”

You wish you could tell him in the same way you share everything else with him, but you decide to devise a half-truth.

“I was thinking about our lives back at home,” you say. “Your barbeque made me realize how much I missed playing with your dogs in your backyard while you cooked for me.”

“That’s adorable,” he smiles. “I’ll admit, I was reminiscing, too. I was thinking about how back at home we’d have sleepovers with Boo at your apartment and just watch movies all night. I miss that; when it was just you and me.”

Your heart flutters. “I can’t believe the number of hours of Lord of the Rings you’ve convinced me to watch,” you reach over and your fingers pass over his wrist along his One Ring tattoo. “I wish we were back home, sometimes.”

Matt’s smile diminishes and his tone gets serious, “Are you feeling homesick?” He catches your fingers that admire his tattoos and holds your hand in his.

“I haven’t thought about it until now, but yeah,” you admit. Matt rubs his thumb over your palm as you talk. “I guess we’ve been so busy that I haven’t gotten to really focus on my feelings in a week.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he says. He meets your gaze and continues, “I’m here for you whenever you need me.”

“Thank you, Matty,” you breathe.

“Always,” he smiles and your heart melts.

“On a less serious note, I need to talk to you about something,” you straighten your back and let go of Matt’s hand.

“What is it?” His eyebrows raise and he tucks his hair behind his ears.

“What’s this about you telling the guys about,” you lower your voice, “me planning to touch myself on the bus?”

“Oh, okay, listen,” his cheeks turn pink. A sight you rarely see on Matt’s face. “I promise you I just told Folio! If he told anyone else, then that’s out of my hands.”

“Matt, why?” You whine, pushing him lightly in the chest.

“I thought it would help if he knew so that he’d know to give you more privacy,” he defends. “Folio is the nosiest fucker here and sometimes he likes to open our bunk curtains without warning.”

“So, you’re saying he’s caught you…,” You make a motion with your hand in front of your sweatpants, inspired by Folio himself. “Look at you, Matt, breaking your own rules.”

“No! Never,” he frowns and shakes his head. You watch him put a pillow from the side of the couch in his lap.

Was he turned on by this conversation? You think and bite your lip.

“Well, I promise you I won’t do it again,” you smirk and pat the pillow in his lap.

“Again?” He raises his voice. “Y/N, you’re going to kill me. If I have to hear you sinning below me, then I swear I’ll—”

“You’ll what?” You cock your head to the side.

“I’ll think of something,” he nods his head with a sparkle in his eye. You two laugh together, and it dies off into silence until Matt speaks again.

“Speaking of Folio,” Matt starts, cautiously, “I overheard you talking with him last night.”

“What?” You ask. Suddenly, your heart feels like it’s beating out of your chest and your head feels light.

“I heard you tell him that you like Noah,” he says plainly.

“Matt, I’m so sorry,” you say apologetically. “He’s your friend. I shouldn’t be feeling this way.”

Matt puts his arm on the back of the couch behind you. “Y/N, it’s okay.”

“You don’t have to say that,” you shake your head.

“I mean it. Actually,” he pauses, “I kind of had an inkling that you liked him. Y’all have been getting close these past few months. I understand. Also, I kind of figured it would happen eventually. It’s pretty normal for people to have feelings for Noah. He’s a great guy.”

“Why are you telling me this?” You ask.

“Well, I didn’t want to keep it from you; it would make me feel gross.” Matt takes a deep breath before continuing, “Also, you're my friend and I want you to be happy, so I want you to know that I approve if you choose to pursue him.”

This surprises you. He wanted you to just date Noah? Even though Matt never shared it, you always held hope that Matt would have feelings for you too. You found it slightly upsetting that he didn’t feel the same way you did about him, but you find it best to show your appreciation of him by letting you tell Noah how you feel. “That’s sweet of you, Matt, thank you,” you smile.

“Again, I’m always looking out for you,” he repeats.

“Matt, you said you heard Folio and I talking last night,” you say, carefully. “Did you happen to hear me say anything else?”

“Nope, nothing,” Matt says, fixing his hat. He gets up from his seat, “I almost forgot I have to talk with Jolly about something for tonight. I’ll see you later?”

“See you…” You say as he walks off to the front of the bus.

—

MATT’S POV

I lay in the dark in my bunk. I usually would fall asleep right after my nightly shower, but not tonight.

I wish I had though.

She didn’t want me to hear her, but I did. I could overhear Y/N telling Folio that she likes me, and Noah. I had the thought that she liked Noah, and that’s why I sent them to the grocery store together for our barbeque. However, her feelings for me, I must be a dumbass because she stunned me with that confession.

My perception of our relationship is strictly friendship. I enjoy teasing her and flirting with her because it makes me feel proud that I could make her laugh. Yet, I can’t deny that I don’t enjoy being in her presence; she’s loyal, funny, and absolutely gorgeous.

I spent an hour thinking about my feelings for her: whether they were romantic or if I liked her as my friend. Regardless of my feelings, I wanted what was best for her. Noah could be that.

Before she came to bed, Folio told her that she should choose between Noah and me.

As her friend, I’ve figured that it’s best to make her life, and mine, easier and decide for her.

—

One normal touring day has passed and tonight, Bad Omens have just played a show at Roadrunner in Boston, Massachusetts. The next two days in Boston would be your first off days since beginning the tour and you thought, with Matt’s blessing, you could ask Noah out on a date.

You patiently wait for him to come off stage in Bad Omen’s green room in hopes of telling him how you feel tonight.

As you anxiously bounce your leg, the door is pushed open by Nick and the rest of the guys follow into the room.

“Y/N, you’re awake!” Nick jokes about the nap you took on the first night of the tour.

“That was one time!” You laugh.

“How’d we do?” Noah asks.

“Amazing, as always,” you praise with a smile. “Actually, Noah, can I talk to you outside once you’re ready?”

The rest of the guys leave the room after gathering their things and head to the venue showers.

“Yeah, of course, I wanted to talk to you about something, too.” He grins and grabs his backpack. “I’ll be quick.”

—

Noah stands before you behind the venue. His damp hair shines underneath the street lights. He waits for you to speak, anticipating what you requested to talk to him about.

“So, uhm,” you stutter. His casual clothing seemed to cause you to short-circuit. He smiles down at you in his black Hereditary hoodie, shorts, and crew socks and slides.

“I could start first?” He suggests.

“Yeah, you go,” you smile.

“So, uh,” he flusters the same as you, “I wanted to talk to you a few nights ago after the barbecue. Do you remember?”

“Yeah, I apologize that I never got back to you.”

“It's okay, I have you here now,” he runs his hand through his hair. “I wanted to tell you about how I feel about you. I can’t stop thinking about you even when I’m on stage or when I’m trying to sleep at night.” He gives you his full attention, waiting for your response to his confession.

“That’s why I asked you out here,” you smile up at him. “I wanted to tell you the same thing. I like you, Noah.”

He smiles at the ground and looks back up at you with a tint in his cheeks.

“And, since we’re off tomorrow and the next day, I was wondering if I could take you out on a date? Just you and me to have some fun away from everyone?” You ask nervously.

His eyes widen in surprise. “Yes, tomorrow, for sure,” he shifts his weight on his feet in excitement. “Do you mind if I plan it?”

—

This morning you had got ready for your date on the bus. Noah and you stole knowing glances at each other as you passed each other in the hallway. You finally got to put on a cute outfit outside of your assistant tour manager ‘uniform’: a Bad Omens Crew tee and jeans.

Now, you're sitting in the passenger seat of Noah’s rental car on your way to someplace in Boston; Noah said it was a surprise. His right hand is on your bare thigh while his left nonchalantly controls the steering wheel.

You play with your hands in your lap, thinking about his compliment to you on your first date look. “I know where we’re going, but I swear I won’t be able to take my eyes off of you,” he had said while opening your car door for you.

“We’re here,” he announces as you pull up to a giant building and he makes his way to go park.

You mentally read the large, drapery signs on the front of the building, Museum of Fine Art Boston.

Your heart leaps realizing his compliment meant that he would rather look at you all day than fine art. Noah. You look at him excitedly, practically bouncing in your seat.

“I bought us tickets right after you asked me out,” he blushes. He unclicks his seatbelt once you're parked and heads to your side of the car to open your door.

—

You snuck glances at Noah as you walked side by side on the marble floors through the exhibits. His first date outfit did not go unnoticed by you.

It’s a combination of his stage presence and the casual outfits you see him wearing around the tour bus. A clean, classic white tee tucked into black, pressed dress pants, paired with a shiny, black belt, and white slip-on Vans. His hair is perfectly done, too.

He’s so handsome. I can’t believe I’m here with him, you think.

“Y/N, this is you,” you hear him call you over. He strayed from you while you were thinking about how good he looked. You walk over to him standing in front of a piece of a gorgeous woman solemnly looking out of a window. “When we’re driving to our next show. You just look out the window like this,” he puts his fist on his chin and looks off, dazed.

“What else am I supposed to do?” You laugh.

“Well, you also do your hobbies,” Noah laughs and gazes into your eyes, “I love to watch you crochet, read, write on your laptop… Either way, you look wonderful.”

You lead him off to the next piece, “I didn’t know you’ve been watching me.”

“I’ve been thinking about you this way since you stepped through the door at our studio back in Los Angeles,” he admits. His fingers brush yours as you stand in front of a gilded, ornately framed painting, “I haven’t been able to get you off of my mind since.”

With shy eyes, Noah looks down at your hands and takes your fingers in his, lacing them together. It feels as if fireworks are being shot off in your chest. He gives you a more confident, toothy smile when you begin to pull him off into another exhibit hall.

You two spend the next three hours chatting about your personal lives and getting to know each other better, while also making each other laugh. Noah let his silly side out in front of you, more than usual, and you had to continuously remind him to quiet down since the museum employees were giving you both looks.

He would ask if he could take pictures of you in front of his favorite pieces and you would take secret photos of him looking pensively at those same works of art. You two did take some selfies together by the end of the date for memory's sake.

As anticipated, he did embarrass you a couple of times,

“Smile for the camera!”

“Look at how pretty you look!”

“I don’t know him,” you’d whisper and walk away to make him laugh.

You would make up stories and scenarios about what was going on in different sculptures and paintings, and he would rate your stories for you, one through ten.

All in all, you left the museum with him with his hand in yours, feeling like you just experienced a post on Pinterest in real life.

—

Back on the tour bus from the museum, Noah and you found yourselves alone. You figured the other guys were out getting lunch.

Reluctant to end the date early, you two sat on the leather couch at the front of the bus and chatted.

Eventually, Noah asks how you’ve been doing on tour.

“So, how has the tour been treating you? You’re doing fantastic, by the way,” he praises.

“Things are going so well,” you smile. “But to be honest, I thought you were kidding about feeling down when we first talked a few months ago,” you say. “I’ll admit I’m starting to feel homesick.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he holds your hand. “Is there anything that’s been helping you?”

“Our date, today was amazing! I got out of my head. I’ve been talking with Matt about being homesick, too,” you say carefully. “I’ve also found myself listening to ‘If I’m There’ more often. Especially, since I’ve been feeling alone,” you laugh sheepishly.

“Do you remember when we talked about it when we first met? Are you ready to share?” He asks cautiously.

“Yeah, uhm,” you look down at your feet. “Don’t laugh.”

He scoots in a bit closer to you, “Never.”

“I like to imagine that there’s someone out there who’s just for me to call upon whenever I need help. Sometimes I feel so lonely, that I’m trapped in my head and still in those terrifying spaces from my past that I’ve tried so hard to escape. And then, when I listen to your music, I feel like I’m not alone anymore. I would imagine that it’s really you singing to me,” you laugh timidly, but you feel tears well up. “Do you remember when you said you would play it for me?” You ask him with glossy eyes.

“Wait here,” Noah says before scrambling off the couch and out the front door.

A couple of minutes later, Noah returns with his acoustic guitar in his hand and takes a seat right where he was before. “Of course, I remember.”

He looks at you and takes a breath before softly singing,

“There are scars that'll never ever show themselves You get when you're left alone too long in Hell They tried to keep in the secrets that you wouldn't tell But they just stripped you for parts you had to sell.”

—

MATT’S POV

I heard that Noah and Y/N had got back from their date and I headed toward the tour bus to ask her how it went as a supportive friend.

As I approached the door, I could hear a familiar song being played but was muffled by the bus walls.

I stopped in my tracks and let go of the door handle.

“Well, if I'm there to catch you when you fall You'll have a friend down in Hell after all.”

I was overhearing something I didn’t want to, again. It was Noah…singing to Y/N.

[tinytinyblogs]

Skz Soft Hours: Seungmin

He is deeply in love with you and his only wish is to spend the rest of his life with you.

Stray kids masterlist here

Seungmin's voice danced on your ears as he said, "I love you so much, you know that, right?" His voice was like silk, the most beautiful sound you had ever heard. It made your heart race every time. "I will always love you, Y/N," he continued, his voice filled with emotion. It was clear that he had thought long and hard about what he wanted to say. Seungmin wasn't the type of person to be overly vocal about his feelings, but his actions spoke louder than words. He always went out of his way to make you happy, and he was always there for you when you needed him. He was filled with worries, deep in his heart. He wanted to share them with you, the only person in the world he felt comfortable with and believed in.

"Sometimes I wonder if I make you happy enough," he said, his voice trailing off. "I want to be the one you always need in your life, but I'm not perfect." He paused, fiddling with your fingers as he tried to find the right words. Seungmin is so proud to have you in his life. He feels like he has found a precious gem, and he can't even explain how happy he is every day. "I've never said this before, but I'm so happy to have you in my life, Y/N," he says. The moment he laid his eyes on you, the world stopped. He didn't even care about the rain falling around him, even though he should have been running to avoid it. He doesn't want to be overdramatic, but you make him feel things he never knew he could feel. He never thought it possible for his heart to melt the way it does when he's with you.

"I can't imagine my life without you," he continues. "You're the main reason I keep going and keep being happy." You make him fall harder for you every day, and he doesn't know what else to say. You're just too perfect for him. You showed him the world through your eyes, and it was beautiful. He used to think he was better off alone, wandering aimlessly without direction. But you showed him the way, a path of flowers that he now walks with you by his side. You turned his darkness into sunshine, pulled him out of the depths of despair, and loved him unconditionally.

"Sometimes I feel so insecure," he says. "I think I'm not good enough for someone like you. I want to be the best for you. And I'm so mad at myself for not telling you how much I love you, when you deserve so much more." Seungmin is not good at romance. He can't even express his own feelings, so when you're around, he feels lost. "Even when I don't understand myself, you always do. You love me unconditionally, and you accept me for who I am, flaws and all. I love you so much for that." He's learning about romance little by little, like he's studying for an exam. He's trying to learn everything about you: what you love, hate, and want.

He's even trying to like the things you like, even if they're not his cup of tea, just so he can have conversations with you and keep you interested. He panics when he sees you cry, and he'll try to make jokes, even if they're not funny. But when you laugh, he feels relieved. He told his mom that he met someone perfect for him, and he bragged about you to his whole family. He told them that having you in his life makes him happier than anything else. "I've been thinking a lot about the future lately," Seungmin said, catching himself staring at you again.

He had always loved watching you, but lately, it had been different. He loved the way you were around him, breathing the same air, sharing the same space, doing the things you both loved. It made him wonder what it would be like if you were in his future, growing old with him. "And seeing you smile so beautifully every day, hearing you talk, feeling your warmth... it made me realize." If Seungmin could hold your hand through everything life throws his way, he would never be afraid of the future. You make him stronger than he ever thought possible.

He says, "I want you. I want us to be together until the end of time." He smiles as he says these sweet words, and the thought of you two having the happy ending you both dream of makes his heart soar. He prays for you every day, because you are his whole world. He never wants to lose you, because losing you would be like losing the game of life. Seungmin is building a castle for you and him, a place where you can be safe from anything in the world that doesn't deserve you. He would do anything for you.

"Have you thought about that?" he asks, placing a kiss on your soft lips. His words are sincere, coming from the depths of his heart. He is asking you to be a part of his life officially. "Don't you feel the same way?" Nothing in the world mattered more to Seungmin than you. He couldn't stop thinking about you. You were one of a kind, and he wanted you more and more each day. His eyes filled with tears as he spoke to you in a soft monologue that you never expected to hear. "If you feel the same way," he said, "I promise to make you the happiest person in the world."

Just as Seungmin is the one you've always wished for, you feel just as lucky to have him in your life. His care, love, words, and touch color your world in ways he never imagined. In his arms, you feel safe, warm, and happy. He gives you the kind of happiness that you deserve, and that no one else can give you. "If you feel the same way, let's build our family together," he says. "Let's get married and grow old together." There is no other answer you can give, no other choice you would make. Living with him forever is the best thing that could ever happen to you.

💬I'm just sweating through my eyes, okay?

[heartfullofleeches]

"Bubby!"

Community spouse- How ever did they come up with such a brilliant name?

As hard as you may deny or laugh off the title, there was merit to the claim. Rain or shine, you were always there when your friends needed you. Some went so far as to have you as their emergency contact, others a shoulder to lend on. On birthdays, your messages were the first many would receive, and during the holidays not one person felt left out with your thoughtful presents and dedication to the case. Your efforts were expressly noted by those lonely hearts this Valentine's day, when you'd handcrafted them baskets filled of their favorite sweets and hand written cards. The addition of "from your dear friend" could've been left out for some, but they'd take what they could get.

Even now, the needs of others prioritize over your own. You pry yourself free from the arms at your neck to pass off the gift you had purchased for the one you all gathered here for, willfully letting yourself to be crushed in your friend's embrace once the task is completed. So close together. Like lovers. You greet them with a brisk kiss, your lips posed on their cheek for no more than a second. They lean to catch them with their own as you pull away, but by now you've wisened to their attempts.

"I have a name, you know." Your first addition to the conversation. It's easier to call out the lesser offense than air out their disregard for your personal space in front of everyone. Your tone is jovial and playful. Always one to defuse stressful situations, but never when you were at the center. If you kept it up they knew they'd wear you down eventually.

Just a little more.

"Awwwwe" They mewl; cheeks puffed, smile drooping as they card their fingers through the thin strands of hair at the base of your neck. "I can't give my cute little spouse a cute nickname? I ordered a cake for us to share too."

A snicker comes from across the table. The salt shaker rattles as someone else brings their foot down on the originator's foot.

"So - Y/n, you're coming out with us this weekend to celebrate my graduation still right?"

The change in atmosphere is almost palpable. "Won't miss it for anything else. Just let me know the time and location."

There's tug on your arm, nails clipping your skin through the layers of clothing meant to shield you.

"And you're still gonna be my date, riiiight? Since the last one bailed on me, and you're too good a friend to let me stay out by myself?"

"Yeah...I said I would, didn't I? Excuse me-" You rest your hand over theirs as you stand, peeling it from your shoulder as you walk off. Their eyes follow you as you depart - feigning innocence to the accusatory gazes pointed in their direction. You held their hand. It's really does like you're an old married couple sometimes. If only you weren't so difficult - then they wouldn't have to go to such great lengths to make you theirs. Your friend takes a drink of water as they turn back to the rest of the group.

"You're disgusting."

"Pardon?" They grab a napkin and dab at their face. "The waitress said their were no straws left, so I had no choice but you're right. Who knows if they clean their glasses properly."

"I'm talking about them. The way you throw yourself at Y/n is repulsive and won't make them like you anymore than the rest of us. They're nice to you because that's how they are and not because they're in love with you. You're their friend. If your little stunt doesn't work this weekend and they don't like you as you so claim, I'll fucking kill you myself-"

"It will work. Y/n loves me- Even if they don't now they will eventually. This attitude is why none of you will ever see them again once we're together. I can give them everything, while all you do is take. If you really don't think we'll be a perfect match, I can always show them those little notes from your messages and we can see their opinion on you is afterwards."

[cloveroctobers]

SHELTER — E.BUCKLEY | sept. prompts !

A/N: okay I failed myself in saying I wouldn’t fall victim to being in love with Buck…sorry Eddie. I also did say I was going to write for Eddie too in my other sept. prompt but when you do dives on tiktok they always provide the tea/controversy so idk rn lol maybe,,,maybe not! if you catch my drift—it’s giving thee ick. Anyways here’s some fluff! I’ve been binge-watching the show for awhile now ( I occasionally watched it from time to time when it was live on tv) from the beginning and I’m currently half way through season five and don’t want to get to season six just yet since who knows when the next season will be. I’m looking at you companies who feel like it’s okay to take advantage of people :) 🖕🏾

Prompts are from here + I’m using: 22.) Misty morning at the beach + 23.) Cold night cuddles + 29.) Rain storm

WARNINGS: mentions of mental health + hints of SAD, mentions of cults, mentions of death, slight language, protectiveness + fluff.

*GIF AND PHOTO DO NOT BELONG TO ME!

˚ ༘ ೀ ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓˚ ༘ ೀ ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 ��� ☾𖤓˚ ༘ ೀ ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾

there was something about September’s that never sat right with Amaryllis, “Lissy.” It always brought nothing but gloom along with dread to her entire being and perhaps it had to do with her upbringing (was it the fact that her father was also born in September?) that set the chemicals off in her brain; even if she didn’t intentionally think about it. It always happened around this time but Lissy knew what it was physically but learned to push it away especially when the disappearance of Maddie came to surface.

And when she returned to Buck’s place spotting the purple bruise that took up a good portion of his eye, she also stuffed this dull feeling further away although it almost always still lingered no matter how much she shooed it away. When she witnessed the harm done to Buck, her instinct was to immediately go after the person who gave that to Buck. Her gut feeling was telling her that this didn’t come from work, of course it could have (being a old fire fighter herself) if things went left on the job but Lissy’s seen enough wounds in her life to know this was blunt force inflicted by someone else.

Her fiancé couldn’t lie for anything, trying his best to dodge her brown eyes and move around the house but once someone brought anguish to her man, a fire bubbled in her chest. She was always ready to protect despite knowing Buck’s impulsive behavior, she was already pointing the finger at someone else. Until she learned it came from Chimney, which made her stand frozen at the top of the steps that led to Buck’s bedroom.

“I’m sorry, who?” Lissy had her eyes in slits, making sure what she heard was right.

Buck peered down at his folded hands as he took a seat on the edge of the bed, “It was Chimney, okay? He found out that I knew more than he did about Maddie and he didn’t take it so well.”

“…I understand being frustrated but taking it out on you is not okay.”

Buck held his head down as he whispered, “Maybe I should have been more vocal about what Maddie was going through…then maybe just maybe my sister would be here right now.”

Lissy bit down on her bottom lip harshly. She also knew about Maddie’s mishap with Jee-Yun when Buck told her one night—just venting and she didn’t say anything to Chimney either, her concern was also just trying to talk to Maddie and check in with her but unfortunately that was not enough. If Chimney knew this would he have taken his anger out on Lissy too? Regardless Lissy was the type of person to always have her guard up with a smile yet she was also good friends with Chimney, he was a great friend but she wouldn’t lie and say she also wasn’t pissed with him right now.

She was just itching to call him up or pull up on him to give him a piece of her mind too. Lissy knew what mountains of pain can do to you and sometimes you don’t react the way that you should, which is why she tried her best to swallow her anger so that she could comfort the man she gets to call her husband some day.

“We don’t know that,” Lissy starts as she steps to Buck to grip his warm face, “because Maddie is going through a dark space and she wants to figure it out on her own, without us, when she doesn’t have to but felt like that was her best option for her and Jee. Sure we absolutely could have mentioned it to Chimney but Maddie is always going to seek help the best way she knows how. That’s just how she is, we know that and it’s not any of our faults or her’s. Life is hard sometimes…even harder when your head is against you opposed to your heart…and I’ll forever stand by the fact that you did not deserve what Howard did. You hear me?”

Buck wouldn’t meet Lissy’s ink colored eyes but she fought to catch his and when his fresh spring rain colored ones met her’s, he held her stare. Her eyes swam with so much determination and care, although he didn’t necessarily believe or agree with what the woman with the simmering auburn hair was saying to him in this moment, he felt how sincere her words were.

She was always going to be by his side, much like his big sister was, even if it was at a distance for a split time.

Maddie’s time.

“I love you Liss,” Buck croaked out, his hands sliding over her hips to lock around the small of her back before pressing his cheek into her stomach.

Her hands cradled the back of his shoulders and the other pressed to the back of his head. She leans down to place a kiss to the top of his deep brown hair, “And I love you back.”

A trip to the east coast was a drastic change in weather and scenery. Buck was originally from the east coast so this felt familiar while Lissy’s roots were in South Carolina. She came up with the idea to go on this trip to just get away from everything, even if it was only for a weekend. Buck was reluctant to go on his trip since he felt like maybe he should be out there with Chimney and his niece searching for Maddie, if he picked up his damn phone that is! Chimney did however when Lissy called him the next night while Buck was in the shower. Although in Buck’s perspective, he just wanted to know where Maddie is and if she was safe. If she left without him or Chimney, then there was a reason for that. That was something he understood although Chimney did not.

“Hello, Amaryllis.” Chimney greeted dryly as he decided to answer that night.

No one’s ever simply called Lissy by her government really—unless you were her wicked deceased father, everyone had nicknames in the 118 family but they both knew this conversation would be serious. Chimney kept the phone ringing for what seemed like forever and Lissy was also prepared to leave a voicemail if needed.

Lissy scoffed, “huh. Howard. so glad you know how to pick up a phone. I have something very simple to tell you so I’ll keep this brief. Don’t you ever put your hands on Buck like that again, or we’re definitely going to have some problems and I don’t want to have a problem with you brother-in-law.”

“Oh, Is that so?”

“That’s what I said, yeah.”

“Imagine if Maddie did what Buck did, how exactly would you feel?”

“I wouldn’t put my hands on another abused woman that’s for damn sure.”

Chimney’s quiet then, “no you probably wouldn’t…but I’m not ready to forgive Buck so tell him to stop trying to reach out and you can also cut the shit with your threats.”

Chimney knows Lissy’s backstory and how much that screwed her brain up, considering they had to pull her in on a case that had to do with cults once in the outskirts of the city.

She had to get into the mind of a cult-leader much like her own father was. That was what really pushed her to seek out help again (the years of dealing with child psychologists would forever be embedded into her brain) and it really wasn’t that long ago that Lissy stopped. After all, maybe she understood Maddie more than she was letting on, although it was different with Maddie being a mother and Lissy handling childhood trauma, she was still the most empathic; which commonly threw others for a loop majority of the time. However Chimney’s anger was blinding everything and he couldn’t be reasonable right now.

Lissy states, “As long as I make myself clear.”

“Well let me make this clear to you, Maddie is the mother of my child, I love her and she deserves to be here with us. She deserves to know that she’s not a terrible person or mother although I’m ticked with her too but Jee-Yun deserves a mother in her life! I can’t just sit on my ass like Buck and let her figure this all out on her own. what kind of man would I be if I wasn’t by her side?”

Lissy talks with experience,“I get that Chimney and we love her too, never stopped. Maddie practically raised Buck so why would you think for one second that he would ever stop loving her? because he chose a different route than you would? He’s her brother. I get that you want to be there but not everyone heals the best or copes well when their loved ones are hovering, especially if they’re afraid to hurt them again.”

“Maddie never hurt anyone! Don’t you get it?!”

More than he would ever know.

“She doesn’t see it that way.”

Chimney snaps, “You seem to have the answers for everything don’t you Amaryllis? do you know where Maddie’s run off to huh? Are you also keeping secrets like your shit stain of a fiancé?”

“I’m telling you to watch how you talk about him,” Lissy deeply exhales her warning as her fingernails dig into the palm of her hand, while she stands at the island counter before carrying on with her phone pressed to her ear, “Buck is still your chosen family and you love him too despite the anger you’re throwing around. I hope you get through that at some point, Howard. Best of luck to you, give Jee my love.”

Her calm demeanor irritated Chimney so he finalizes, “I won’t, so save it.”

And with that the line goes dead.

When she’s off the phone, she’s pinching at the space in between her brows and jumps a bit as she feels hands circle around her waist. She smells Buck’s body wash of Cedarwood, Vetiver, tangerine, and Oud before he presses his chin into her shoulder.

“Everything okay?” he quietly asks, his voice almost soothing that feeling that wants to seep upwards to her brain again.

A small smile stretches onto her full lips as she rests a hand right on top of Buck’s locked ones that are wrapped around her waist, “it will be, baby. What do you think about heading out to Hampton Beach this weekend?”

“Like? New Hampshire?” Buck questions, a slight furrow appearing against his brows, “Not that I wouldn’t love a baecay with you but is now really the best time for that?”

Lissy snorts at the nickname for vacation which lets her know he’s been watching some vlogs again and says, “everyone needs a get away once in awhile. We can discuss it more over dinner…so what are we feeling tonight? Anything except Thai, my stomach needs a break, Ev.”

He raises his hands in surrender as Lissy turns to face him. His eyes scan over her face, noticing the bags on her pretty freckled face that slowly became more prominent. She still looked stunning to him in any state and when she sent him a sweet smile that usually seemed to reach her eyes, he couldn’t tell her no.

“How about Venezuelan?” It was one of her favorites and Buck knew how to compromise in this loving relationship, “and that trip? I’ll really think about it.”

He couldn’t promise but since his mind was always running, he knew he would anyway.

With some persuasion from mainly Bobby and everyone else, that’s how Buck and Lissy were on a flight to “The Switzerland of America!”

Lissy’s not sure how long she’s been awake in the bed post, laying beside Buck, head resting on her tucked hands as she stares out towards the curtain covered window. The hotel was surely giving bed and breakfast with its colonial style and old like furniture but felt charming nonetheless. That’s until the creaking sounded with each movement, more so than at night that had her questioning if there were ghosts watching them sleep which happened to be much louder than Buck’s snoring apparently.

The auburn haired woman completely forgot to put a nose strip on him when they got here while he shuffled around in the bed like he commonly did but after the afternoon flight, they rushed up to their room, shared a shower and went downstairs to the tavern in the late afternoon a little before it closed at five for: one glass of Riesling and a bottle of Heineken for Buck, a cup of chowder on the side that Buck raved about, whereas Lissy personally thought it was bland and steak tips for himself, while Lissy went for the linguini tossed with herb roasted vegetables, which of course Buck teased her for.

“You’re not getting any of my beef, those veggies are not gonna feel you up, babe.” Buck laughed as he stabbed his fork into the steak.

Which wasn’t necessarily true since he had no issue sharing a spoon full of chowder about ten minutes ago before their main dishes came out.

Lissy hummed, disagreeing since she was definitely a pasta loving woman and got filled off carbs pretty quick but decided to taunt the man as she said, “I’ve already had my share earlier in the shower don’t you remember? I think I’ll be just fine.”

Buck stopped chewing to meet Lissy’s wink and had a few flashbacks of what was supposed to be a innocent shower turned not so innocent, “Behave.”

Now it was Saturday morning and she was awake before Buck. Lately she’s been waking up pretty early although she mainly worked the night time shift as a medical examiner, which Buck hated if she stayed over at his place. They hardly got the chance to spend nights together with their hectic schedules. Trust this wasn’t always Lissy’s desired path of careers but ultimately it probably made the most sense. With Lissy’s draining violent and psychological upbringing, she thought she would never see the light of day until she got away from the farm and was placed into an orphanage and then a helpful foster home that ended up wanting to adopt her.

She learned so much throughout her twenty-eight years of life and wanted to provide some sort of comfort to those who have passed on along with those that lost them. She wasn’t able to do that for her own mother who died not long after the birth of her baby sister, granted she was only six but she had to witness it. At least with death on the farm where the cult her father led, they gave each a proper send off.

That always stuck with Amaryllis no matter how twisted it may seem to outsiders.

“What are we doing today?” Buck says with sleep still deep in his tone, pressing his nose into Lissy’ shoulder, breathing her in, as he curls up against her.

It’s seven-nineteen in the morning.

Lissy blinks, “let’s go to the beach.”

“To get our early morning work out in? We didn’t get to go on our walk last night, so hell yeah, let’s go!”

Buck is full of cheers but Lissy let’s out a small laugh.

“I didn’t say all that. We’re on vacation! Who wants to work out on vacation?”

Gym rats, that’s who! Buck was 75% there.

“I’m gonna have alcohol poisoning by how many times you say ‘vacation’ on this trip aren’t I?”

“Oh, Shut up, Ev.”

Buck got used to Lissy appreciating the little things and yeah he found it enduring. Although he initially thought of someplace better than New Hampshire, he still planned on taking her all over the world since she never had that experience. Buck wanted to try his damn hardest to give Lissy the world.

Once upon a time, Lissy had a sheltered life, it was what she was used to and Buck was rebellious and always strived to do what someone told him not to do. They might have not liked it but at least he was able to say he fucking did it no matter the outcome.

Take that how you will.

And he found something special in the woman that lay before him. He wanted to share and see the world with her because there was no one else he wanted or imagined that more with. She made him happy and feel truly understood, always ready to listen to his side first, to be adventurous, and open to loving all that he is. In a way sure she made him nervous at times, since he’s never felt like he could be so raw in relationships before but he didn’t have to question when it came to her.

He guess it was true when they say you know you found the one the day you peer into their eyes long enough.

He’s chuckling before he presses a kiss to her clothed shoulder underneath the sheets, turning over his shoulder to reach for his phone to peer at the time since the alarm clock was turned on a odd angle on Lissy’s side of the bed.

“Eh, I’d rather lay here a little longer first. Let’s get up around seven-thirty or seven-forty five, huh?”

They were both early birds.

“Sure,” Lissy shrugs as Buck gets comfortable throwing his arm over her comforter covered body.

His touch was all she needed to close her eyes.

It was eight fifty when they settled onto the beach which was eight minutes away by car. The plaid blanket Lissy had spread out for them on the sand was just enough as they sat shoulder to shoulder, eyes out on the pale blue-gray waves that spun around on this Misty morning on the beach. Buck had his cup of flat white coffee, which he had to switch with Lissy since his iced coffee was too cold for him now on this sixty-five degree beach. He didn’t even care for coffee like that but he really got accustomed to it once he became a firefighter and it kept him wide-awake during over-time shifts.

“You know? this flat white isn’t too bad. It’s not what you always get right?”

Lissy’s nose crinkles a bit in humor as she sips at the cold iced mocha, which was a little too sweet for her liking but she masked it well, “I asked for extra milk and two sugars just in case.”

“So you knew—wow.” Buck stuck his tongue into his cheek, “You really do love me.”

“Yeah I do and don’t you forget it,” Lissy playfully pointed at the blond who slipped a hand around her back to rub as she leaned into him so he could kiss her temple and provide some warmth back.

And they sunk into each other as they watched the ocean come alive. Normally Buck didn’t mind the ocean but after with what happened with Christopher…the thought of the big body of water did give him a bit of anxiety until therapy gave him some peace. It also helped that he always had the love of his life to steer his mind away from the worries of life…for a little while at least.

The beach was serene and there werent too many people around that lingered yards away; Buck was sure that would be a complete contrast as the town rose to the day despite the gloom the skies brought.

Buck mumbled against Lissy’s hair, “Will you still say the same when I kick your butt at the arcade when it opens later?”

“Thats debatable.”

“I knew it,” Buck shared a laugh with the freckled face woman.

The couple later ventured off to another restaurant on the boardwalk for lunch around eleven thirty, eating lightly since their bellies were slightly full from the coffee before trailing down the boardwalk hand in hand. From souvenir shops where they got dorky but cute matching lounge shirts, to candy stores where Buck had a field day and wanted to take some home for Christopher since he was sure he would eat his share before they boarded the plane on Sunday afternoon, to finally stopping at a jewelry shop where Lissy went crazy buying all sorts of crystals that Buck still had no idea what they even mean. She even bought him a little glass turtle necklace that he just had to proudly wear around for the rest of the evening.

They ended up at the arcade by five pm and it was basically all fun between the two. Of course both wanted to win and it was close but the last game…Lissy had Buck in the end.

Literally and figuratively.

Buck sighs, “Alright fine, what do you want?”

“Kiss my ring first.”

“Oh this ring? The 1.5ct 18k opal stone with Moissanite accents? I don’t think your partner would like that very much.” He’s holding onto her fingers with pride and a smirk.

“Who’s to say he’s the one who gave it to me? Perhaps I’ve made this purchase all on my own, Mr.! Loving yourself first is the true key to finding love in someone else.”

“Well that’s true and I can’t be mad at that…but just curious, did you find that somebody?”

Lissy grins up at Buck as she locks her arms over his shoulders and Buck keeps his hands playfully raised, “I sure did, sugar. I’m looking right at him.”

And Buck seals her words with a kiss, guiding her right by the chin so their lips could meet. Buck can feel the soft tickle of her breath beneath his nose as they held each other in place, before they slowly moved their lips together in sync. His rosy lips were always so soft against her full and sweet ones and Lissy never got tired of kissing Buck. He always held her with so much tenderness and any day in his arms felt like a vacation to her.

When they broke apart, forehead to forehead, her round eyes flicked up to Buck’s awaiting spring floating into summer eyes, “I want the stuffed lobster.”

Buck snorted as he rolls his eyes up to the ceiling a bit, “yeah, of course you do. C’mon then.”

She bounced on her toes, letting her hands slide down from his chest just for him to grip her hand once more, leading her to the counter to claim her gift.

They’re back on the boardwalk with Buck snapping solo pictures of Lissy modeling at ease (along with off guard ones) with the vibrant red lobster and people moving about. It’s around seven with the sky slowly shifting to navy and the puff of clouds remaining gray; the air is still steamy but breezy and the married couple to be realizes their time on the illuminated boardwalk will be cut short as a single raindrop falls to the center of Lissy’s parted hair.

“Hey,” Lissy peeks up at the sky then, while Buck is getting his poses out in the mirror outside with a bucket hat and shades on.

Buck is asking Eddie on FaceTime, “How do I look man?”

“Like an assclown.” Lissy hears as she looks around the boardwalk, noticing that people began to take cover into the nearby stores.

Lissy takes that as a sign and starts, “Ev…”

Just as the rain begins pelting hard against the wooden walkway, giving the indication that it would definitely hurt if they decided to run through it.

“Liss?” Buck calls out as he watches her balance the stuffed lobster in between her thighs then gathered her blown out hair up into claw clip after quickly tying it into a ponytail, “Eddie it’s down pouring. I’ll call you later!”

She steps back into the hard rain, a single arm spread out in her copper sweater, while the other holds her lobster, russet dress underneath twirling a bit with a spin she does, a wide smile spreading out onto her lips as she calls out over the loud water, “let’s go!”

He calls back, “Where to?”

“Anywhere!” She laughs and Buck can’t help but to shake his head as he tosses the hat back on the hook then places the shades onto the near by table.

He runs out to her then, interlacing his soft but strong hand into her own, water saturating both of their faces harshly and he dips his head at Liss before they take off together into the rain storm full of laughter and full of love.

Buck and Lissy couldn’t tell you how long they sat in the rental car but it wasn’t nearly as long as they ran in the rain together. He questioned if it would be weird ordering some delivery service for dinner to arrive at the hotel that had a tavern downstairs but Lissy simply shrugged her shoulders as her drying hair became bigger in its natural state.

Buck left briefly to sit in front of the fireplace outside of the tavern in the lobby which reminded him of his stuffy grandparents living room, waiting on their dinner after yet another lengthy shower. Everything seemed to be more in slow motion, like time was infinite for them both. When their dinner arrived, Buck wasted no time getting back to their charming bedroom to see Lissy sitting cross legged on the bed, still in a robe eating a mud pie that looked real familiar on the menu last night.

“No way are you eating that without me.” Buck comments as he places the bag onto the desk nearby.

Lissy covers her mouth as she tries to chew through the heaviness, “surprise! I’ll share.”

“How nice of you,” Buck laughs as he begins taking the containers of food out just for Lissy to appear behind him holding the dessert up to his lips with a fork.

Buck sighs in contentment, opening his eyes back to see Lissy nodding at him in agreement, “That has no business being that freaking good…you think we can have that as the wedding cake?

Lissy’s chest swells just thinking about the day, although they haven’t set a date yet and Buck talks about the wedding more than she does lately, it still brings her immense joy that someone like Buck would want to do life with her. He was patient and she learned all about his past relationships, which were way more than her’s—which she didn’t judge him for by any means but sometimes she still had to pinch herself to see if this was all real.

“It’s certainly a option, baby.” She runs her fingers over his stubble.

Together they sit back against the bed, Lissy in between Buck’s legs as they eat out of their containers of food, Lissy holding her own in her lap while Buck’s is off to the side of his, the brick wall behind the post bed makes the room chiller but being in each other’s space was all the shelter they need.

Lissy finds herself turning over her shoulder to look at Buck as he’s stuffing his face. When he feels her dark eyes burning into him, he flicks his gaze away from his meal, cheeks full as he sends a boyish laugh her way with a lift of his chin.

“Stop looking at me Mrs. Buck and eat your food.” He says, holding her stare as a single hand gets lost in her much thicker auburn hair.

Lissy laughs, “only if we can have a late night cuddle?”

“Is that not what we’re doing?” Buck asks, sliding his hand to rest back on her thigh.

Lissy shrugs as she faces her meal again, “I’m actually kinda cold.”

“What? Not my woman who likes to keep the thermostat on Antarctica. Wait…are you wearing anything under there?” Buck slides his hand up her torso first but she slaps his hand from lifting the opening of the robe.

She wags her finger in front of Buck’s eyes repeating, “Not uh, eat your food.”

Buck rolls his head around with a groan, “well how am I supposed to eat this if I’m curious now?”

“Just look at Brutus over there.” She points at the stuffed lobster that sits in the desk chair.

Buck pursed his lips after a moment, “My god that thing is ugly.”

“Don’t talk about our son like that!”

“Our what?” Buck side eyed Lissy who fought back a laugh.

“He has feelings.”

“Babe, I don’t know if you know this but that’s a stuffed animal and it doesn’t have emotions.”

“That’s the problem with men, y’all don’t know how to be in touch with your feelings.”

“Now wait a minute,” Buck frowns, “Karen or was it May? Somebody! did tell me I’m a cancer moon or something like that. I think I’m very much in touch with my feelings.”

“Hmm, I’m still in disbelief and think you’re more on the Gemini-Cancer cusp.”

Buck blinks, “yeah…whatever that means but it feels offensive so I think we’re ready for bed now.”

“I didn’t finish my nachos,” Lissy whines as Buck is closing up their containers and moving them elsewhere.

Buck shrugs as he leans back against the pillows still sitting up somewhat and pulls Lissy to rest against his chest, “Too bad. It’s my turn to hold you tonight, you did say you were cold and I don’t want you getting sick.”

Lissy huffs as she nestled her cheek into his chest, “…I won’t complain.”

“I know you won’t,” Buck laughs as he squeezes her shoulder and let’s his other hand rest on her hip.

She leans a kiss on his neck and before she can close her eyes for the night, she spies the light box on his side of the bed. She fears that feeling will come back and settle in like dry cement once they’re both back in Los Angeles but for tonight, she revels in the safety of Buck’s arms.

˚ ༘ ೀ ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓˚ ༘ ೀ ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓˚ ༘ ೀ ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾

Read my October anthology prompts here.

[twistedastrology]

- Cancers at their worst -

----------------------------------------------------------

i just saw an ig post (no shade to the original poster) that said a cancer's dark side was everything they are stereotyped to be (extremely emotional/sensitive, are way too kind and always think people are judging them) and as a cancer that may be about to go neurotic again rn im gonna tell you from my personal experience what a cancer's dark side is actually like.

like i said though im going off of mostly just my experience so if this doesn't resonate, my bad- i did my best 🙏😔

to understand the nature of a cancer at their worst, you have to actually understand water and its potential volatility.

remember when i talked abt cancers and rage and how i said cancers are fire-coded (cardinal) water? keep that in mind for just abt this entire post.

fire is pure energy, and so is water, water just has more space to hold said energy- where fire burns out quickly, water doesn't dry out that fast at all especially if you have an ocean specifically.

people who say cancers (or really any water sign honestly-) are crybabies and switch moods every 5 seconds do not understand what water really is and this topic makes me a little livid sometimes because those are the same people that made me not like my rising sign for a long time.

to understand a cancers rock bottom, think about what water can do.

tsunamis can kill hundreds of thousands of people if they're big enough.

hurricanes, and sometimes tornadoes, form over water when the temperature is right.

the pressure at the bottom of the ocean can crush almost anything in an instant except for what has specifically evolved to live down there.

rain can lead to insane flooding (fellow floridians remember hurricane ian 2yrs ago 😕)

we have explored less of our ocean than the space around us, can you imagine what oceans on other planets would be like? especially the planets or moons that are almost Entirely water?

water represents emotion, yes, but when we boil that down to water signs being overly emotional, it doesn't make any sense and it makes some people, at least the ones that are like me, ashamed of their water placements because our society loves to say "emotion = bad." when obviously that is not true.

But if we wanna talk about the actual dark shit, aka my jupiter in scorpio's favorite shit, u gotta strap in.

Cancers feel more rage than anything.

i talked abt this specifically in my cancers and rage post, but it's true for this as well.

to use myself as the example, whenever i feel depressed or upset for some reason (like today), it's never just that sad feeling, it is always accompanied by a distinct anger because i get pissed that i feel like shit.

but if that rage doesn't get its way, or worse, gets too much of its way, i can succumb to a state of misery or, at my worst, neurosis, where multiple god awful things happen.

im not one to stay down for long, the last and first time i went neurotic, it only lasted for a week until i snapped out of it, but it was still very damaging.

cancers at their worst will feel an urge to self-destruct that may or may not be uncontrollable depending on other placements in the chart and of course how shitty they feel.

they will find something detrimental to do and if they genuinely can't, they will instead just mentally rip themselves open and daydream about what it would be like to just completely lose control and fall into a self-destructive spiral.

that's what happened to me when i went neurotic. one wrong decision and, having no access to anything that would take a toll on my physical body, i ripped myself to pieces in my head and almost fell in love with the act.

like gerard way said, there's something very romantic about it.

cancers can get moody, yes, but at this point they'll go mostly numb and tearing at their soul is the only thing they enjoy.

and then the pain will catch up to them.

once that pain catches up to them, two things will happen.

they will begin to realize what they've been doing and how pointless it is, and they will activate a duality within themselves of the desire to hurt and the need for pain relief.

they will tear at themselves even more, knowing they shouldn't be doing what they are, but it's a vicious cycle.

this will happen, and then the potential for redemption begins to boil over.

after being in the dark, blissfully hidden depths of their own mental ocean, they will realize they can't breathe anymore, and they will either suffocate themselves or snap their eyes open and swim up until they see the light they deprived themselves of for however long.

once they've made it to the surface, they gasp to catch their breath, their tears being of the need for pain relief winning against their desire to hurt.

now the water is not a personal vice, but a cleansing presence that makes them feel understood. the water gets it. the water would never judge them for what they did.

after being in the dark embrace of the depths of the ocean for so long, the light finally hitting your eyes makes color seem so much more vibrant.

- 🌙 -

all this to say that, at their worst, cancers can succumb to self destruction like no other, but they have the drive to keep them going to even them out.

they don't just cry all day or switch moods 24/7, they fall into a vat of water that, the deeper they go, reveals more and more of their very soul.

it's the deepest level of shadow work, it's the pain no one wants to go through because it's the pain of losing your personal momentum and then having to find it again in an instant before it's gone forever.

OR i could be totally wrong idk But this is my experience!!!! ✨💞💞✨💞✨💞✨💞✨ God belsls!!!!!!!!

my bad that was real dark and poetic writing now i gotta balance it out Uhhhmmmmm Legalize nuclear bombs. 💥

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

If you haven’t received a Guero ask yet, I would like him with with prompt #4: 'I'm cold, and you're warm, you should do something about that." Pretty please!

Even though I love his dad more, he’s still a really cute guy!

Masterlist

Eventful Outing

Contains: Fishing (killing fish for food given a two-word mention) fluff.

1.4 K words

“When it rains on the ocean it rains on fish too.” - Matshona Dhliwayo.

As you stood in the rain with the river flowing by you, you wondered why you had agreed to this, "I brought plenty of food, can't we go inside until the rain eases up?" 

Guero snorted, "No fucking way, I told you I was going to catch us a fish for dinner and I am." 

You looked to his father, who shook his head, "The young man had a plan y/n, I'm sure we won't be waiting long." 

When Guero got you to agree to go on a fishing trip up north with him and Ibarra, you didn't think that would mean being stuck in the rain while they struggled to catch dinner, "It's not Salmon season so the only fish you're going to get now is Bass. You need to put different bait on the line." 

Guero glared at you, but there was no fire behind it, "You could have told us that an hour ago." 

His father huffed, "I tried to son, but you wanted things your way, telling me you read a book and shit. But now a pretty woman tells you and you're rushing to do what she says." 

Guero walked towards the shore, making sure to flick water at you as he took different bait from the box, "You wanna tell me how you know all of this and I don't?" 

You blinked, "I wasn't the only one, it's not a my fault you don't listen to me or your father." 

Guero smirked, "I listen to you where it counts." 

Despite your best efforts, you couldn't ignore the snicker that his dad gave, "Please shut up before I drown you." 

He turned to his father and inhaled in fake offence, "Do you hear how she talks to me Pops?" 

Ibarra shook his head, "You deserve it son, you got a big mouth." 

Your eyes widen in agreement, "Doesn't he? Holy shit, sometimes he won't shut up." Guero gave you a look and you held up a hand, "I know what you're about to say and if the words come out of your mouth I'm going to drown you for sure." 

He chuckled, "I wasn't going to say anything." 

Ibarra's hearty chuckle followed, "Yes, you were, it was as obvious as something can be." 

You shook your head, "Ok if this keeps going, I will drown myself." Still, you knew that look on Guero's face, "You are incorrigible." 

He smiled, "You love me." 

You sighed, "Yes, I do. Now please catch us food. I'm freezing my ass off over here and I know for sure I packed enough food to last us, so I'm only standing here to preserve your ego." 

He hands his father a chunk of bait before baiting his hook and throwing the line, "How did you know about the bait anyway? You hate camping." 

"One, we're not camping, we're staying in a cabin and two, I like to be prepared, so I talked to the bait shop attendant." You pointed to the box, "There's even stuff in there for crayfish since I bought a pamphlet for how to build traps from sticks and leaves and I thought you might like to try it." 

Ibarra smiled, "How thoughtful. That would be great y/n, I love crayfish." 

Guero turned to you and mouthed, "Kissass." But his eye betrayed how much he appreciated the amount of investment you had put towards this vacation. 

There was a change in the light and you looked up, the clouds growing even more ominous, "We're about to get a storm so you two better hurry up." 

Guero chuckled, "So you can predict the weather now? Tell me oh wise one, what other powers do you...." The skies opened in a torrent of water, "I stand corrected." 

You sighed, "I'd say you've got about twenty minutes before the thunder starts." 

"We'll have a fish by then." Guero sounded so sure of himself that there was no point in dissenting and sure enough, when the first crack of thunder came across the sky, Guero's rod jerked, "I told you." 

After a few mighty heaves, it was out of the water and dispatched humanely and Ibarra reeled in his line and sighed, "Alright then, can we go inside before we're hit by lightning." 

"Please, I'm freezing to death." You were so cold you swore your fingers were going to fall off. 

 Guero chuckled, "Hell yeah." 

Everyone headed inside and wrapped themselves in towels, "I'm going to clean and prep that fish and have a shower, no touches it." 

"I caught it, don't you think I should be the one to cook it." He was as smug as ever. 

Your eyes went wide, "No fucking way. A light and sweet river fish this fresh only has two preparation, baked with crispy skin or poisson en papillote. The oven here isn't powerful enough to bake it properly so poisson en papillote is it." 

Guero looked at you with such affection that you felt your heart might burst, "I have no idea what poisson en papillote but there was enough passion in your voice to let me know I should give up." 

Ibarra smiled, "It's French for fish in paper. It's really nice." 

Guero snorted, "Since when did you two get so fancy?" 

You sighed, "Please finely slice some onions. If you've got time to be all judgy, then you have time to help." 

Guero smirked, "I can do that." 

****

"Thish is sho good, you have to coo thish all the time." 

You shook your head, "Guero, don't talk with your mouth full, it's rude." 

"It is very good, all that time in the rain was worth it." You could tell Ibarra was trying extra hard, he knew how much his son loved you, and he wanted to make the most of the time away. 

You nodded, "I don't think I've ever cooked with fish that fresh, maybe tomorrow we can try and get some crayfish."

Guero suppressed a smile, "Look at you two getting along, and here I thought y/n was rude to everyone. I guess it's just me." 

You huffed in mock offence, "I am not rude to you, I just don't worship the ground you walk on like the other women you've spent you time with." The glare you fixed him stopped him from quipping back, "Yeah, that's what I thought. You're big mouth is going to get you into trouble one day." 

Ibarra, "It's already got him into plenty. Do you know about the time he landed in the principle's office for talking shit to a cop that came by the school to give a career talk?" 

"No, but I'm hoping you're going to tell me now." You weren't going to lie, you were hoping Ibarra would provide you at least one embarrassing story before you made your way back to SP. 

Guero chuckled, "Oh, you're having so much fun aren't you." 

You nodded, "Fuck yeah." 

****

The night wound down, this fish picked clean and the bread pudding Ibarra gone in one sitting. You tended to the fire in your room and shivered as Guero came up behind you, "Let me do that Mi amor." 

You pressed your lips to his cheek as you headed to the bed, moaning as the warmth from the heated blanket surrounded your skin, "You turned it on?" 

He nodded, "Of course. I can't have you going to bed cold now, can I?" 

With the fire stoked, he climbed into bed and rested on his back next to you and just as he got comfortable, you stretched your cold foot across the bed and brushed him with it, "Jesus Christ." 

 You flipped onto your side, "I'm cold, and you're warm, you should do something about that." 

Guero sighed and freed himself of his shirt before reaching over and manhandling yours off, after that, he pulled you into his arms so your skin was pressed again his, "Better?" 

You nodded, "Yep." 

He ran a hand up and down your back and rubbed your nose with his, "This is the closest we've been all day." 

You pecked his cheek, "Yeah I know, but I don't really want to make out with you in front of your father." 

He smiled, "It's not like he hasn't seen some shit." 

You huffed, "Next time he can bring someone and then it won't be awkward." 

Guero's eyebrows furrowed, "On second thought." 

You shook your head, "I have spent the whole day missing touching you." 

"Yeah?" He sounded so smug, "Maybe there's something I can do for that?"

"Nope, we're going to bed." As much as you wanted to, you had no idea how thin the walls were. 

He buried his nose in your hair and inhaled, "Alright Mi amor, I love you." 

"Goodnight Guero, I love you too." 

Fin

@withmyteeth @daydreaming-belle

[daylo9]

Under the Rain

This is a short story I wrote instead of cleaning my room and sleeping

If you see any mistakes, kindly comment. Thank you <3

WARNING: It's a little sad, but who on Tumblr doesn't have a sad life

It's fall again. A year has passed already since I was last here, and yet I came back, exactly one year later. It's getting late, but I don't move. My gaze fixes on the bench in front of me. I can almost see myself sitting there, drenched, staring into the void. I didn't cry then, but the rain masked my face. I used to come here often, but I wasn't alone back then. He was always by my side. He always supported me, always saw the good in people. He had this way of making everyone feel special, like they were the most important person in the world. Whenever dad would come home drunk and try to hit me, he protected me. Mom loved him so much. She didn't pay attention to me, she only cared about him. And that was fine. I don't care if she doesn't love me. I wouldn't care even if she'd discard me and only talk to him, as long as he could stay here. He was perfect and deserved to live more than anyone else. I was always a little jealous, I admit, and sometimes I wonder if I could have avoided it if I were more grateful for what I had, because I had everything. I was a spoiled child, even though I had very little money. I was spoiled with love. His love. It was beautiful. It was unconditional, warm, gentle, like a mother's love is supposed to be. And I took it for granted. Tears start rolling down my face. I can no longer stand. I sit down and start crying. It took a whole year for the tears to finally come out.

A year ago. That was the first time I came here alone. I still texted him, like I always did: "Meet at the usual spot? We have a lot to catch up on." "Sure, I'm on my way. I miss you." He didn't say that. My phone remained quiet. I didn't expect a message from him, but I was hoping, I was secretly hoping that he would show up if I waited long enough. That it was someone else who jumped off a building. That the newspapers would talk about another tragedy, that another girl would sit on a bench waiting for her brother who wouldn't show up. And I hated myself for that. I was always jealous. I used to be jealous of him, and now that I was the only child in the family, it didn't feel good at all. Now I was jealous again. Jealous of another girl who texted her brother to meet at their usual spot and received a message from him that said: Sure, I'm on my way. I miss you.

I stayed up all night. The rain kept pouring down my face, my hair and clothes got drenched, but I just kept waiting. Waiting for him to come up behind me and surprise me and laugh with me and give me a little present, another necklace, another book, another pair of sunglasses shaped like hearts; and hug me and not let go until I tickle him and he has to loosen his grip, and take me to my favourite coffee shop and order two hot chocolates with marshmallows and tell me about his silly co-workers and his boyfriend; and I would tell him about mom and how much she misses him and he would get a little hot chocolate on his face and it would look like a moustache and he would impersonate his boss and speak in a really deep voice and I would laugh so hard I'd choke on my hot chocolate and he would laugh too and he would take a napkin and wipe my face and smile. I would see a hint of sadness in his eyes and I would ask what happened, and he would say that he wishes he could be here every day and watch me grow and that he had missed me so much, and I would get a little sad too, and then he would throw a marshmallow at me and laugh and I would forget the sadness. And at that moment, I would be the happiest person in the world.

I remember when my doll broke. It was my favourite doll, I always had her by my side. And one day, her arm broke off. I was four years old back then. I cried silently, I didn’t want to disappoint mom because the doll she bought me was broken. When he saw me crying in the corner of my room, he took my doll and I was so scared he was going to tell on me, but instead, he took out mom’s sewing set and started to sew the arm back on. He didn’t say a single word, he just hugged me and gave me back my doll. Or once, when I was in third grade, I failed the test and I was devastated. When my brother noticed that something was wrong, he read through my answers and he highlighted all the answers I got right. It was more than I expected. Then, when I calmed down, he explained everything to me and wrote a new test for me. I got everything right. I’ve never been more proud of myself.

Even if my brother is no longer alive, he’s still present in my life, especially since I started working at my favourite coffee shop. My manager is really nice. She let me name a table after him, the table we always sat at. There is an inscription there that this was his favourite table, and sometimes, when people ate there. they left some flowers on the table. Today, I gave away free cups of hot chocolate to the two kids sitting at his table. I saw their faces brighten and it reminded me of the old times.

He once told me that he wouldn't be here forever and that I should find someone else who will support me when he's gone. I called him silly and told him that he would always be the only one who understands me and loves me and it would stay that way forever. That was the last time I saw him. Mom was devastated. There was nothing I could do to help her. She never listens to me and sits in her room for days. During the first few days, she didn't eat or sleep. She is empty, she is nothing without her son. And I, too, soon realized that I am nothing, absolutely nothing, without my brother. Then my brother's final words finally made sense. He wanted me to have a backup, so when he's gone, I wouldn't be like mom. So that whenever I look at someone, my eyes wouldn't be lifeless and empty, like hers. He had a loving mother and sister. He had a nice job. But he had no father. That couldn't possibly be the reason why he-

I never understood why he did it. So many sleepless nights went into trying to figure out his reasons. Nothing. He seemed so happy... Fall used to be our favourite season. We would play in the leaves and drink hot chocolate and watch the raindrops on the windows. But now, fall is sad and empty. I would rather lose a whole season than my dear brother. I would do anything to undo it. I know what it feels like to have the only leaf on my tree suddenly turn yellow and fall to the ground and I wish I didn't, but I can't get the image out of my head. The image of my brother, falling and hitting the ground, the last thing he sees being the clouds and the raindrops around him.

Someone is standing in front of me. It's a man holding an umbrella. He's talking to me, but I can't hear him. I can only hear the thud of my brother's body hitting the ground. The person comes closer. He sits down next to me. I look at him. The image in my head vanishes. "-but whatever it is that made you so sad, I'm sure it shouldn't consume you like this. You know, it's extremely unhealthy. Don't let it define you. There will always be some little things that will make your life just a little better", he says softly. He holds his umbrella over my head and for the first time, I can feel a little warmth. Like a little fireplace, the kind of fireplace where you can sit and drink hot chocolate with marshmallows. I'm sitting next to him, next to the little fire. I look at him, and somewhere behind the curtain of curly hair, there is a piece of my brother. And when I recognize the look in his eyes, I finally feel at home again.

[lutawolf]

Love In the Air Ep 13 Review & Running Commentary

Hey guys, this is the last one. For those who missed my other reviews, please find them here. I'm not afraid to admit I'm scared. I may end up documenting a trigger. Let's hope not.

We start the episode at school. Sig laminating about him being the only single person. How he is going to find himself a gf. I know a boy that you should be looking at Sig. I'm just saying.

Rain teasing Sky about all the pictures of him on Pai's social media. Pai is making sure everyone knows. That smile on Sky's face says it all. Oh, we are talking about the race. I don't wanna talk about the race. Ugh!

The Wind Will Embrace The Sky

Flashback to little Sky, all excited about going to school in Bangkok. Then , he was a teen and offered a cig. These fucking douche bag friends. At this day in age who encourages a friend to smoke. Even I didn't back in high school when I smoked. Like, don't do it. Everyone knows that inhaling smoke is stupid.

Time Stamp 6:11 we are introduced to Gun. The cum guzzling gutter slut. Sadly, you can see the instant stars in Sky's eyes. Ohhh... You are going to regret that eye contact baby boy. Gun comes up and takes to Sky which makes me want to puke. Time Stamp 7:39 them in bed together. The flicking of the lighter. That's going to turn into a nightmare right there. Sky telling Gun he loves him. Ugh, this sucks. I literally feel my heart picking up and catching. Guess who is going to pause and take there emergency anxiety. Yup, yup, for me it's worth it to watch the show. See, I might have to skip some parts to be safe but if I don't push myself in some things then my anxiety will get worse. That feeling of letting them win because I am not leading a normal life, not doing things I enjoy, will amp my anxiety more than watching.

Okay, so the friends aren't total douches. They are concerned for Sky. Never mind, they are. Shoving him and saying that you knew he was a piece of shit isn't going to help. Yeah, those burns aren't falling down the stairs. Time Stamp 9:39 Gun is hurting Sky, and Sky is begging. I really hope Gun dies. I'm just saying. Let me take the time to say that BDSM should never ever look like this. There doesn't have to be pain. If you want pain, then you can have it, but you also have the right to say when you do and don't want it. I don't care how deep of a submissive you are. That stands true.

Skipping from time stamp of 11:07 to 12:30. I know what happened from the book, and I can't. Can we please just have a Gun Reforestation Party. You know shovels, black salt, snacks, etc.

Sky wakes up from the nightmare. He is not sure why he was dreaming about that shit again. Cause the mind is a wonderful and painful thing, love. It really is. Sometimes, it loves us, and other times, it hates us. Poor baby. That's it, call someone, talking helps. Pai is not even bothered that it's night. Just asks if Sky misses him.

See, this is why someone like us needs a stubborn partner. This sort of thing doesn't phase. They worked too hard to scale the walls, so this is nothing big. Meanwhile, it's huge to us. Sky asks Pai to come so he comes. He's like, you need me to get you the moon too? Just let him know so he can start tying the ladders together.

Ohhh, if Pai only knew he was talking to the reason for Sky's nightmares. Ugh, so gross.

The way Sky rushes out to hug Pai! Oh! My heart! I needed this feel-good moment. Pai is no dummy, but he is so calm and patient. When Sky asks him to never let go of his hand, he just does it. Then they start getting heated. I know some of you are like, but you just had a nightmare! Sometimes, it's taking your mind off, it's replacing those moments with something else. Clearing away the cobwebs. Though it will come back, it's a reprieval.

Pai talking about how he used to be uncaring sweet talker aka fuck boy. Honestly, he is right, he never came off as uncaring. This is sickly sweet. I'm somewhere between gaging and making heart eyes. He becomes invincible. Sky saying he only wants Pai. Play wrestling, while giggling. 🤦‍♀️ I think I just got a tooth ache. 🤣🤣🤣

Here comes the roller coaster. Both Sky and Rain are at the race. It was only a year ago! 🤣🤣🤣 Ugh, if someone came up behind me like that. They'd have a broken nose. Nope. Sky seems to have known it was him, though. I love Pai so fucking much. He does not care what anyone else thinks and that's exactly what Sky needs. He just wants his Sky kisses but gets threats, lol.

Payu is so done. He's like, get your ass out there and race. The way Pai is threatening and making sure he knows to watch out for his babe. Just makes my heart crackle cause we all know what is coming. Love the don't talk to anyone and the sass back from Sky. Which is it, talk or don't talk and Pai being like, long enough to say your reserved. 🤣 Pai stealing a kiss, then raced off.

Rain is uncomfortable with Sky going by himself, but he is all sub. Sky has overridden him. Had Pai or Payu been there, he wouldn't have gotten his phone.

Trigger: Time stamp 23:42, Sky hears that clicking of the lighter and knows. I told you guys that lighter was going to become a trigger. Some noises become a trigger because you associate it with incoming pain. This would have automatically put Sky into a threatened feeling and emotions because he associates that sound with pain.

Trigger: Prapai is taking a break between races. Gun's friend saddles up to Pai and tells him that he's hitting on a girl and asks Prapai for his room key so he can impress her with a fancy room for a hookup. Prapai is not terribly happy about it but relents. Which is incredibly stupid. I don't care your reasons, Pai. I love you, but you dummy.

Trigger: Payu and Prapai talk about Gun and his friend. They don't trust him but have no idea why.

Trigger: Back to Gun and Sky. Gun jokes about how Sky looks all "fixed" up when he left him all broken. Sky tries to stand up for himself, but Gun taunts him about Prapai playing with him. Also, remember that Sky is triggered. He is feeling all the feelings from the past thanks to that click. "What did I teach you?" Gun taunts.

Trigger: Sky walks away, reeling from the things that Gun said. He's second-guessing himself while at the same time trying to remind himself of what he knows. Sky runs into Rain, who worries about him. Sky tells him he's feeling sick and is leaving. Sky then decides on telling Prapai everything about his past with Gun so he can live in peace. Sky comes back, and a guard told him that Prapai is waiting for Sky at their condo. Rain drives him to the condo, Gun's friend watches them leave. Rain drops him off, and while Sky is shaken, his mind set on the condo, where he can rest.

Trigger: Sky makes it to the condo, promising to tell Prapai everything. But when he walks in, there's the zippo click. Gun and his friends are there. Sky tries to run away, but Gun's friends catch him and drag him to the bedroom. Gun: "He's not my ex. He's just a toy. A toy I threw away." Gun's friends are playing Gun's script. They say that Prapai gave him away. Sky is breaking under Gun's taunts. Gun insists that the only way they could've gotten in the condo was Prapai giving them his key. Sky tries to defend Prapai but is breaking fast. Gun tells him that he showed Prapai pictures he took of Sky in the past. Gun: "he said," Take back your filthy shit. "" Gun takes his shirt off while Sky's vision goes out of focus. 🤢🤮🤮

Cut back to the race, and Pai wants to know where his baby is. Payu tells him that Rain took him away. Pai isn't upset about Sky leaving. He just wants to be with his honey. Then Rain shows up telling him to take care of Sky, which Pai assures him, this nurse can do. Then it clicks for Pai, and he loses his shit when he finds out what happened. He probably broke records to get to Sky.

Trigger: A shirtless Sky lies in bed. His expression is completely blank and devoid of life. Gun is on top of him caressing his hair. Prapai, Payu, and Rain storm in. Gun insists that Sky asked him to screw him. Please kill him, please kill him, please kill him. Deep breath. Okay. Rain busts in and says that they are all lying. I get why Pai yelled but fuck. That triggered my already triggered ass. It does help a very shell shocked Sky to start talking. Asking Pai if he can be just his, without being shared with others. Pai starts talking softly and reassuring Sky, all why covering him up and stroking his hair.

Once he has gotten through to Sky, he leaves him in the care of Rain. The to fucking son of bitches try to escape but Pai gets him. He starts pounding into him. I might have cheered and clapped out loud. WHY DID YOU STOP HIM PAYU!! I'm a little satisfied. Only a little though.

Pai races into the room to Sky. He starts attempting to get Sky to cry and release some of the trauma. He wants him to let it out so bad, he assures him that he'll be there for him, but Sky, he doesn't know how anymore. He tries demanding and begging, but when it's to no avail. Prapai's crying snaps Sky out of his shock. He wants to know why is Prapai crying. "Because you won't cry. If you can't cry... I'll cry for you. If you suffer. I'll suffer with you. If you're in pain. I'll be in pain, too." He is giving his boy vows. "Nothing gets better, even if I cry." "It does. Trust me. I'm right here... I promise I won't let you go through this again. I love you, Sky." At this point, Sky breaks and begs Pai to be telling the truth as he cries. To which Pai comforts him the whole time. If I weren't already in love with the man. This whole thing would do it.

Pai takes sky to his family home. When his sister goes to say something, Pai quickly shuts her down. Sky does not want Pai to leave him. Sky is expecting Pai to ask questions, but Pai tells him to just do it when he is ready. Fuck, I love you Pai. Sky starts to spill his story while Pai just gently strokes his hair. Letting him know he isn't alone. He says dreadful and horrible things about himself but Pai lets him talk because he know he has to get it out. This is 100% accurate to how a SA survivor in victim mode feels about themselves. It takes therapy and a lot of work to get out of that mind frame.

Sky asks Pai if he can really love him, and while crying, Pai assures him he can. Pai apologizes, wishing he had met Sky sooner. Sky just hugs him and rejoices in the fact that they did meet. Have I mentioned how much I love Pai? Because if I haven't. I really love him. Too late, you've already made a promise and a vow. I was there for it. No take backs.

Sky wakes up and goes looking for Pai. When he finds him on the balcony, he immediately gets embraced. That fucking microphone though! Sky is worried about Pai's family but he need not be. Who wouldn't love the marshmallow. An idiot that's who, fucking Gun. Hope your at the bottom of a lake somewhere. Pai assures Sky that his family will adore him. Daddy Chai is going to deal with the scum! Can we watch please? Please! I have a shovel and snacks. I could be a lot of help. 🙏🙏🙏

Pai asks about the actor who helped Sky move forward. "How sad would my loved ones be if I didn't love myself?" "If one person can ruin my life, how can I face my family?" These words helped Sky realize what was important to him. More promises and vows from Pai. Honey, you are as good as married.

"To win a stony heart. You must use your own."

Seriously. Pai became a better person because of his love for Sky. Even though he didn't realize he was in love yet. He knew he had to be better to have this boy, and he wanted him. Sky didn't mold him. He molded himself. Because Love.

Sky meeting the family and being embraced. Bugging Pai at work. Everything you could want for the boy. But wait! It gets better! Pai's uncle is the actor who inspired Sky. Jelly Pai is hilarious! Just look at this black giant for the rest of your life. 🤣🤣🤣

Well, that's all folks. This was an amazing roller coaster episode. It took us high, and it took us low. I loved it. I'm never watching it again, though. Once was good enough for me. I'll just stick to re-watching all the sex scenes. Yup, I'm a hoe on main. 💜💜💜 This was co-written by @akitbeast whom I couldn't have gotten through the review without.

[triumphantfury]

Hi!!! Just dropping by because I was missing your fics so I reread them and now I have to tell you how much I love you. I love you a lot, by the way. Like literally every time I read a chapter of yours I love you more because GAH the writing is so damn good. Ahem anyways thank you so much for the update on Wrapped in Red and I still have to fan myself every time I look at Upside, but I've been thinking the most about "To Suffer a Witch." I don't mean to put any pressure on you or anything but may I inquire on the next chapter's status? Or perhaps just request a snippet? Also when you asked the readers whether or not they'd like an eventual lemon I'd like to vote yes to the lemon. Please. Possibly-Demon Hiccup is hot as hell and I'm greedy. 😅

Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful writing with us and I hope you have a wonderful day, week, and at least a virtual cabin in the woods where you can relax, read, and at least think on writing!

Oh boy….

It’s taken me forever to get around to answering this ask, but as the new chapter update is almost complete (after way, WAY too many rewrites), I feel like I can finally post this reply with some measure of confidence. Sorry it’s taken so long. I wish I had a good excuse, but my brain sometimes just shuts me out.

Anyway, after much anticipation, and likely a little cursing, here’s an excerpt from the soon to be posted next chapter of TSaW:

*The next couple days seemed to drag by for Astrid. She felt trapped between a longing to see Hiccup again just to prove she wasn’t mad, and a strong urge to just write it all off as a delusion. Perhaps one brought on by some bad grain or curdled milk. Countless times she’d been sure she heard hoofbeats outside, only to have them grow into a roll of thunder the next second. Or she’d catch a glimpse of a dark shadow approaching on the road, only to have it melt from her sight a moment later as if swept away by the driving rain.

Some small part of her was starting to worry she was actually going mad. Her mood darkening as she channeled her other feelings into straight anger so as to help herself deal with it better. It wasn’t as if she could really speak of it to anyone, anyway. She was still too confused about it herself.

Resigned to bear this burden alone, Astrid had kept to herself as much as possible while trapped inside. Waiting impatiently for a break in the weather when she could distract herself with repairs outside instead. The Lord knows there was always plenty of work to keep her busy. That, and manual labour was better than wasting time dwelling on… Whatever it was that had occurred here the other night.

Fortunately - or maybe unfortunately - she’d soon discovered that the storm hadn’t done anywhere near as much damage as she’d expected given its ferocity. The house, shed, and barn had all weathered fair enough at least. An old tree had toppled near the back of the pasture though. She’d gone out to repair the section of broken fencing yesterday. Her brothers helping her as much as she would allow them to - which mostly meant keeping the opportunistic goats from escaping through the hole while she worked.

It had been while she was winding the last of the rope around the newly set post that Ruffnut had approached her from across the field. Somehow always keyed in to the local to-dos, Tuffnut had heard from one of their other neighbours that some people had started to fall ill in town. The worst of which was little Argh — Mr. and Mrs. Ack’s youngest son, who was not yet a full year into this world.

“Gunnar thinks it’s because of those witches that Trader Johan was talking about the other day,” Ruff stage-whispered over the fence. Her thumb gesturing towards the home on the far side of Mildew’s plot as she glanced around, as if to make sure no one else was within earshot.

“I’d be rather foolish to agree,” Astrid huffed. “It’s likely just been brought on by the rain. We all know that a chill in the air today sets a chill in the bones tomorrow.” Looking away from her gossipy neighbour, she dressed the knot as her father had taught her before pulling it good and tight. Then she stood and gave her work a proud once over. Nodding, as if to show her approval to the craftsman.

“Maybe…” Ruffnut’s hesitant reply trailed off thoughtfully, and she was chewing on her lip when Astrid at last looked her way again. It was almost as if she had something she wanted to say, but wasn’t sure if she should speak it aloud.

“Go on,” Astrid grumbled. “Whatever it is, spit it out.”

“Well, Gunnar told Tuff that Trader Johan said the evil, or what ever it is, would arrive first in the form of a black shadow on horse back…”

“Trader Johan has always enjoyed adding plenty of dramatic nonsense about ghosties, ghoulies, and other such things to his tales,” Astrid felt the need to point out. “He seems to think it makes the stories more exciting.”

“I know,” Ruff agreed. “Thing is, Tuffnut swears he saw a stranger dressed in all black when he was out in the woods yesterday. A stranger riding atop a huge black horse. When he tried to get a better look, man and horse were already gone. Maybe the horse was just really fast, but… Tuff said it gave him the creeps.” Her eyes were shifting all around again as she leaned closer over the fence, and she looked unexpectedly nervous.

“Oh, that was probably just…” Astrid’s words died on the way to her mouth as she thought better of it.

Astrid knew how Tuff felt. The unease of not being sure exactly what you had just born witness too. This did not mean that she should necessarily encourage him to repeat his tale. Especially when she didn’t yet know what to think of the whole thing.

Would it truly be wise to mention it to someone else? The twins had never been known for their discretion, and Astrid’s words would simply confirm Tuff’s suspicions — which he would then feel required to share with every person he came across. At best, it could cause a slight scandal that a young man had spent the night in their home. At worst, the superstitious townsfolk may think the Hofferson clan had entertained something entirely inhuman, instead.

No, it was best to keep what she knew of Hiccup Haddock to herself for now. Surely the others would learn of him soon enough. “Just… because Tuff was busy snacking on unknown mushrooms in the forest again.” Astrid finished awkwardly. Covering her near slip-up with an eye roll, just to be safe, and hoping Ruffnut wouldn’t notice.*

If anyone wants to read it, here’s a link to the rest of the story. Or at least the beginning…lol

[sourbinnie]

4:18

je t'attends là sous la pluie | san x gn!reader fluff | on s'est plu comme si c'était écrit

a/n: i took french for three months and this is all i got ok, also i'm sorry about the short imagines (more like thoughts) i've been busy studying and you know dozing off.

i could see a figure through the curtain. it caught my attention all of the sudden as i was spacing out and not being able to focus on my book at all. as nice as french literature was, i sometimes dozed off to other planets where i imagined myself in different scenarios. but right now all my focus was somewhere else and it was my curtain to my house. there was no one home and i was the only one who could see it, curiosity killed the cat, some would say but i was tempted to move the curtain out of the way and just see what it was all about.

i could also hear some mumbling, a familiar voice invaded my ears but i could not place who it was. i decided to end the doubting cycle as i placed my hand on the handle at the door and sighed to myself 'cause this could be the most awkward thing i ever would have to witness. what if it was just some stranger looking at my house? or the mailman? or whatever (y/n) don't open the door, don't-.

"(y/n)? so this is your house?" i heard as soon as i opened the door and if the butterflies weren't there before, they sure as hell were present now. in all of it's glory there stood san and i could not do this today but then i realized it was raining so my first instinct was to grab the umbrella that we left hanging at the door and open it to talk to him outside. "you're so considerate, i totally forgot it was going to rain today."

considerate, i can't believe i was gonna blush because of this.

"what are you doing here? you're gonna catch a cold!" i said and if i didn't sound like a mother before when i was working in kq, i sure did now. that's exactly how we met, i used to be one of their managers but the future had other plans for me and i had to move to another company, separating me from my favorite boys and from my long time crush choi san. i know! it's so cliche but i do not write the story.

"i don't really care if i do, i'm on break right now and i needed to see you. it's been so long." he said smiling and oh god the dimples, the death of me every time i saw them. i smiled back trying not to make a fool of myself but you know how it is with nervousness around people you like. 

"it has! let's go for a walk?" i said, clearly not thinking straight because you know the rain. but to my surprise he took my hand and led me on as a sign of approval, fingers meeting each other as i took in how his hand was so big compared to mine. why the hell was i thinking that right now? and why was he holding my hand? either way i was gonna enjoy the feeling while it lasted.

"so what have you been up to? a new comeback on the way?" i asked curiously even though i already knew the answer. it was literally everywhere, on my feed, on the street, every single part of the country knew about the ateez comeback and if they didn't they lived under a rock. 

"yeah i'm enjoying my last days before the promotions." he said and i could see those dimples again, it literally melted my heart to see him so happy. "how's the new job? well i mean company."

"it's good, it pays good and the groups are really nice but they don't compare to you guys." i said which brought him to squeeze my hand a little tighter and if this what it was like to actually fall in love in such a pretty way then i don't know what i was gonna do. he was holding the umbrella to cover me more than him and we walked in such a safe & sound way that every step i fell a bit harder for the man i was right now. "i just miss what i had, i was used to it but i guess i'll have to adapt myself to the new life i have someday."

"i just wish you had stayed but i know it wasn't the right decision to hold you back like that." he said and i felt my heart leave my chest for a moment to explode because come on, if he wasn't the perfect man i don't know who else it could be. 

"i sometimes wish i had stayed too just because i miss the familiarity, the boys, the crew and mostly you." i can't believe i said that. i looked down as i couldn't face him but he just smiled brightly as he closed the umbrella slowly. pulling me closer to him and meeting me in the most perfect kiss, feeling the small drops land on my face and in my hair as my arms were wrapped around his neck instantly and the kiss deepened. i couldn't help but smile and blush at him taking initiative so suddenly and abruptly but it somehow made sense knowing it was san. it went with his personality the way he kissed with such passion but also so much love & sweetness with a hint of mint.

"i miss you every day but we can change that right? and also it won't be unprofessional to see each other since we work in different companies." he said with a cheeky grin and i just sighed as i was so fucking in love with this man as if it wasn't clear enough. i nodded but then i wondered.

"what would that make us?" i asked curiously and he shrugged, taking my hand again.

"i'll be fine with whatever label you decide because as long as i have you, i'll be happy."

[elfhunk]

i just wanted to say that your post yesterday about perfectionism and that brief little snapshot of what's happened in your life is something that was... nice (? a somewhat non-optimal word) to read as someone with a lot of non-useful thoughts about "being perfect" and who's trying to get better at being imperfect.

obviously everyone's experiences are different (and i hope that this doesn't seem as though i'm assuming things, or trying to be something beyond a stranger on the train giving you a verbal thumbs-up or a small conversation) but it was nice to read your thoughts on being who you'd like to be and the process of getting there.

anyways, i hope you keep having fun! don't feel like you need to reply to this or post it or anything like that. i just wanted to say thank you, and that your sentimentally hopeful bummer was something that made me feel a little bit sentimentally hopeful (without the bummer) about things in my life too.

thank you. i quite frankly couldn't imagine not responding to something someone very bravely took the time and effort to send me. i mean that very sincerely.

i've actually gotten into the habit of thanking people in messages like this the past year for the work they've made or the words they've said. it's a bit funny receiving one myself for a blog post. maybe that's just the way these things go. or a signal i'm going in the right direction?

your concern about assumptions is one that struck a chord, though. i have some additional thoughts from my own unraveling that you or another stranger might find useful.

i feel like many of us who have been #online for a while have been conditioned to worry a lot about making assumptions or false equivalencies when talking to each other. we understand pretty well how someone's experiences could be minimized or marginalized in these exchanges. we're all so deeply worried we're going end up centering our own emotions in a conversation. it feels... rude, almost? i am not sure where this moral compulsion comes from.

but refusing communication for fear it could become miscommunication is starting to seem like a recipe for a very lonely life to me. i've been consciously pushing against this compulsion to stay silent lately.

i've started taking the chance on communication. just randomly, out in the world. complimenting people's outfits, talking about the weather, commiserating with people whose jobs i've worked. just grabbing every flickering potential connection to another person.

like i'm fishing. or being fished. i suppose it's mutual.

but for every 25% of awkward conversations i have with strangers because i said a little more than normal, the other 75% of the time i end up experiencing some sort of serendipitous connection. that's certainly more fish than i was catching before.

it's still not easy by any means. i am still very easily overstimulated. i couldn't maintain conversation with a stranger in a crowded convention hall for more than thirty seconds last weekend. but 75% of the time i walk away a little bit lighter. i'm starting to believe being a human doesn't feel as heavy when you do it together. if we're still humans. we might be fish.

that's all to say, thank you. with gratitude, i wanted to share one of my favorite songs. i think it really captures the emotion i find myself feeling a lot lately. it rained yesterday, and it's probably going to rain again today.

sometimes it's important to talk about the weather. it's important to know when someone else is waiting for the rain with you. fish need the rain, after all. life wouldn't exist without it.

[cryptidsurveys]

Thursday, September 5th, 2024.

Who do you talk to about personal problems? Mainly my dad and my therapist. I have started opening up to my mom a little bit (not only with problems, but with things of a personal nature, the past, etc), but I'm trying to do it in small increments that way I can draw back at any time if things get too uncomfortable. And I could go to Oliver, but I prefer not to. There was a time in our friendship when I leaned on them far too heavily; it wasn't healthy and I don't want to repeat it. I know that they would be there for me if I needed them, but it's enough to simply feel their supportive presence while chatting about random whatnot, laughing over a silly video, or something like that.

Do you wear make-up? I haven't worn makeup for years. This is apparently how my brain works: I would wear it if I had any actual skill, but I'm not willing to practice in order to develop that skill. So…barefaced it is.

Do you shower daily? Not quite. There's usually one day a week when I don't bother, and today was that day. My dad and I went to the Mountain Park and aside from a brief stop at Carl's Jr. I wasn't planning on being around anyone long enough (or close enough) for it to matter.

Do you think any guys are going to take this survey? It's possible. I know of at least one guy in the survey-taking realm, but will he take (or has he taken) this survey specifically? Idk.

Do you love to shop? I actually really enjoy going grocery shopping, especially during the holiday season. I go a little bit overboard when it comes to holiday treats. When it comes to other things, it's like a potential addiction that's reasonably well-controlled. I know I don't truly need (or sometimes even want) new things. It's just my brain looking for that dopamine hit or attempting to fill a void, and I can usually catch myself before making a pointless purchase.

What is your favourite accessory? Do lip piercings count? I've had them for so long that I wouldn't feel like myself without them. I have an Italian charm bracelet that I wear all the time as well. Rings are also nice, but I only wear them occasionally.

Tampons or pads? Blah.

How old were you when you had your first boyfriend? I was just about to turn 13. I'm not even sure if I should count it because it was a middle school relationship, but we did date for a little over a year. It also raises the question of which relationships should count because it's not like there was a hard line between serious and unserious. Although, tbh, I don't think I've had one that was truly serious… I loved those people, sure, but damn - none of those relationships were mature, healthy, or sustainable.

If you were to have sex right now, would you use a condom? I don't want to have sex with anyone.

Do you think it’s bad to have sex at your age? No.

Would you cry if you got pregnant? Yeah. Definitely not happy tears. This is why I would probably refrain from sex in certain situations - I just don't trust various forms of birth control to do their job and I don't want any surprises.

Do you have real or fake fingernails? Real.

Are you content with the current weather? Yesss. It's cool and cloudy and it's been raining on and off all day. Perfect Mountain Park weather with undeniable hints of autumn.

Do you own many pairs of shorts? No.

Is there a place you’d rather be right now? I'm fine with being here for the time being, but I am serious when I say I'm going to take some extra time off here and there to get out to the mountains. At least…I hope I'm serious. Future Me, don't let me down, okay? Take some fvcking TIME for YOURSELF.

Is there an article of clothing you need to buy right now? There was an article of clothing I wanted to buy, but I ended up getting it for free thanks to Veronica (a board member at the animal shelter). She was in the other day and saw me wearing a staff shirt, so she asked, "Does that mean…or are you just…?" And I was like, "Yeah, I'm still just a volunteer, ahah." But she had me go up to the front where they have some shirts and merch and such and pick out a few things, one of which was a pine green sweater I had been eyeing. I was planning on buying it once the weather cooled off if it was still there, so…score! :')

Is there a situation you currently feel hopeless about? Kind of, yeah, which is funny because this situation is going to end come September 21st. Alex is leaving!!! My brain just can't seem to comprehend that it's going to be over sooner than I think, and then I'll never have to deal with her again. I am so excited to see how our little cattery group will develop after she's gone. I feel like it's going to be so much more supportive and chill.

Have you ever wanted to get drunk and take your mind off of everything? In the past, yeah. Nowadays, getting drunk just sounds…ugh. Fun in theory but probably regrettable in reality.

How long does it take you in the shower? 10-15 minutes.

Does your password have to do with a person? One of them does.

Do you believe that it is best to have a friendship first then love? I don't know what's "best," but I would like to take things slow in future relationships.

Do you have any fun plans for tomorrow? I'll be at the animal shelter for a full day.

Have you ever had to choose between two people? Maybe kinda sorta.

Do you think 2018 will top 2017? 2018 was an absolute dumpster fire. Probably the rock bottomiest of all my rock bottoms. The following years were a jagged climb, but THANK GOD I am so far away from that place now.

Have you ever been in a hospital? Yeah.

[2singedthoughts]

the gods cry because they cannot strike me down / and the rain washes away / ashes of the ghost of me

Hello hello and Welcome to my page!

I've been lingering on tumblr for a while and just never got around to really posting or reblogging anything, as most of the time I'm alright to just lurk and enjoy things quietly.

That said, I've been getting more into posting fanart and whatnot recently, so I thought I'd make a blog! Not just to post art but to yap about my favorite fandoms and find people with similar interests, too. I'll hunt down that content - and if there is none, I'll make it myself!

Feel free to leave asks or anything, and enjoy your stay here. <3

Get To Know Me!

An individual of many nicknames! My name is Phoenix, aka SingedHazards. Phoenix, Singed, Hazard, or any variation of the sorts is fine by me!

I am 18! My birthday is May 4th. :<) (Despite the birthday, I am actually not a star wars fan.)

My favorite number is 2! hence the user. 2singedthoughts.

I don't care much about pronouns either way, but I prefer it/its or they/them.

I am LGBTQ+! Polyam and Ace <3

I like talking about my interests, and hearing about others'! My favorite color is brown. I'm an animal lover and an artist. You can probably tell from the whole aesthetic so far that I like fire. I like space, too, and storms, and flowers and birds and nature. I enjoy seeing the magic in things.

I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time! There's nothing I particularly dislike, other than math. I never have any idea what I'm doing when it comes to math.

Where to find me?

You can shoot me a message if you're interested in talking on discord! It's really the only social media I'm super active on.

Other than that I have a Twitter where sometimes, once in a blue moon, I post some art. https://x.com/2DesignHazards

Fandoms?

Yessir, I have my share of those! I'll try to keep the list small lmfao.

-Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss

-MCRP or other such Minecraft content. (FavreMySabre is my most notable fixation; TSSO, TSS, SL, RQ, TR and AR) (Calvin's From The Fog S1 and S2) (I do enjoy some good MC Horror. I've been into the ARGs lately.) (UHC Generations!) (HermitCraft! Grian and Mumbo on HC mostly, but I've been following Gem, Scar, Doc and Tango as well.) (I watch Hardcore YTers every now and again, whatever video happens to catch my attention on the recommended page)

-Dead By Daylight, Phasmo, Project Zomboid and Lethal Company are some of my more commonly played games. (I don't have specific content creators for these, if I watch anything I just click on whatever looks the most entertaining.)

-Roblox player! Flee The Facility, Abyss World and Spray Paint are my go-tos. (I don't watch Roblox content a lot, but when I do it's usually Flamingo or Remainings. Sometimes Rogurt and ratskewer)

-Some miscellaneous creators I enjoy as well; IGP, Insym, Matt Rose, AstralSpiff, LetsGameItOut, ManlyBadassHero and Fooster!

You may notice I'm a horror enjoyer lmaoo. Anything with some good chaos in it will immediately pique my interest. There's more than that too, so really just hit me up. If I don't know the creator or game, I love discovering new things anyway! :<)

Miscellaneous Information

I'm not like, a professional at making intro pages or anything so for now this is all I have to say. I'll probably come back and edit and add more or remove some stuff later as I see fit, but this is a good start!

Like I said in the beginning, feel free to send asks,

and I hope you've enjoyed the stay. :<)

[8bitsupervillain]

Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 3 Tatarigoroshi pt. 5

The role of Mr. Exposition for this chapter will be played by Coach Irie (presumably Tomitake was eaten by a lion off camera at the start of this chapter).

What's the old expression? Robbing the cradle? For when a person is pursuing a romance with someone far far younger than them. It's an odd attitude to take with the girl you apparently want to adopt as your daughter (skipping ahead slightly). Unless that's your fetish I guess.

Telling you, time loop. TIME LOOP Keiichi! Groundhogs Day! Other popular time loop media! Majora's Mask? Zero Escape? Whatever.

I'm sure this statement will age fine. Why yes, I am preemptively adding Irie to my list of "secretly behind it all."

Skipping a little because, hey did you know Satoko's parents died? They died, quite mysteriously so, perhaps because of a curse? Perhaps because of mundane happenstance?

*Looks at the countdown timer that says "Time Until Irie or Keiichi Makes Satoko Cry"*

Sometimes I post screenshots to advance the plot, sometimes I post the ones that just amuse me. For instance, the above, and also:

Take Rika to the beach, wax her up and catch some gnarly waves brah.

I must applaud the visual novel for showing some restraint and not playing out the entirety of whatever game the gang was playing that resulted in Keiichi helping with the barbecue dishes. I was preparing myself for another hour or so of tomfoolery. Perhaps Ryukishi also knew that people might just start eating their computers if they had to endure more silly antics(TM).

I'm just going to say it, given how they've been doling out the information and exposition dump in this chapter I would be totally fine if they more or less just skipped over the Watanagashi festival entirely. I know they won't, you know they won't, gonna have to show it for whatever festival hijinks they get into then. Also, I like the threatening aura Shion is putting out.

There was a part earlier, when Keiichi is talking to Irie about Satoko's parents where Irie used the phrase: going on an eternal vacation as a euphemism for death. Which is a pretty nice replacement phrase, anyway them bringing up Satoshi's "transferring" reminded me of that. That's right I can remember things that happened more than ten minutes ago!

This particular conversation does make me wonder about whether Shion could possibly be partly responsible to the Watanagashi disappearances/deaths. She seems pretty convinced that Satoshi was, in fact, murdered super hard, but she just doesn't have any actual evidence of that. So is she maybe holding out hope that maybe Keiichi's right and he did just make tracks when the cult was coming after him? Or is she reacting so forcefully because she doesn't want other people to try to find him and thus die gruesomely as a result of their investigations? Is this, in her own roundabout way an attempt to protect Keiichi from the conspiracy?

Ow, my whiplash! Also with the voice acting that last line of Keiichi's he makes a weird sound. I know he's fake crying, but it's like a weird chortle, like someone vocalizing the "speaking" noise Sans from Undertale makes.

So true, I wish it would rain more. Last time it rained it was so warm that a noticeable steam rose from the road, it was pretty neat.

In which our boy Keiichi sticks his foot in it.

The role of Tomitake will now be performed by Rena Ryuugu. Also, remember when I mentioned the whiplash? I was not prepared for the complete back to back tonal shifts.

I think this is the first time Mion has been forced to actively talk about the curse. In Chapter one: Onikakushi, she mentions she doesn't believe in the curse when confronting Keiichi who is rapidly losing it. In Chapter two: Watanagashi, the curse is brought up, but I'm not sold that the person who was talking actually was Mion. So I think this is the first time she's being forced to talk about the curse no matter how much she really doesn't want to.