#Like imagine him trying to contact Mori only for Chuuya to pick up for some reason

[unicornpopcorn14]

Has anyone written/drawn smth about Dazai getting unknowingly shipped overseas while sleeping in his shipping container yet??? Bc if not I'll write it it's just too funny to pass up-

Edit: *throws the fic atcha and runs*

[solunstell]

List of bsd headcanons

Dazai:

Has bpd. A lot of his traits remind me of my friends with it

He some kind of trans. Nonbinary. Transfem. Transmasc. Idk he's megender lmao

He's described as appearing very youthful in the first two light novels. I imagine that once the events of the main timeline start picking up though, with all the time stopping or slowing abilities that *dont affect him*, he actually ages faster than the other characters. I draw current dazai with small wrinkles, which also hints at stress and stuff

Also, I imagine current dazai getting tanner as he works in the light, as well as getting more prominent freckles.

Round/doe eyes because that is part of his appearance in my opinion. Seeming unsuspecting and innocent, especially during his mafia days

Bad eyesight in his right eye from being under the bandages for so long. Saw this headcanon and loved it

Similarly, beastzai has bad vision in general

I always call No Longer Human an anti-ability in my head, fun fact

He loves to touch other people. Not a fan of being touched by others unless asked

I draw him with red eyes in color, and usually black eyes in ink (inconsistent artstyle my beloved)

Aroace spectrum

heavy sleeper. Very

Chuuya

FRECKLES and tan from sheep days

He likes to be close to other people more than actually touching. Presence over contact

That shade of eyes that changes colors in the light (but I use a grey base lol)

Also some sort of trans, but in a different way than dazai

Brownish red hair. Not blazing, not just brown

That man is AUTISTIC

One time instinctively kicked a friend with his ability active, expecting them to dodge cuz he's used to dazai easily dodging. They did, but they were SO CLOSE to getting hit. Imagine a confused face like wtf why you try to kick me

Light sleeper, but every now and then sleeps like he just learned how to close his eyes

A lot of his jokes go over people's heads because they expect him to be serious and his voice just doesn't change between serious and not serious

Ranpo

Autism plus adhd ftw

Aroace spectrum

Poe

He/they vibes

Anxiety

Gay af

I can 100% see him being into knitting. Imagine the guide plus ranpo all in matching sweaters

Loves baking. Sooooo bad at it

Lucy

Bi (with a lean towards girlies) she/it

VERY good at baking

But she won't share :(

Atsushi

Anxiety, so much anxiety

Aroace spectrum vibes

Very easily idolizes people and then gets surprised when they actually like being around him

Akutagawa

Aroace spectrum

Autism cuz he is so mecore sometimes

Very trans vibes from me

(I like to imagine him having tourettes cuz I have tourettes and I am Not projecting)

Atsushi (special kitty hearing) and jouno being the only ones who can hear some of his tics. He will be horrified that anyone notices them

Wait no actually I'm gonna incorporate that into my belief system. That's canon now

Mori

Genuinely cares about a lot of his workers, but not all of them

He gives great bonuses for birthdays

He absolutely loves vtubers if bsd were in a modern setting. Rip mori. He'd have also loved vocaloid lmao

Ozaki

Masc energy. Fem energy. Ooh I can see ozaki with any pronouns and identity

Kinda person to accidently either overpack or underpack. Always has painkillers, never has a pen

Ridiculous memory. Incredible gift giver. Would get someone something months or years after overhearing them say they wanted something once

"Whyd you get me a hairdryer?"

"You said you needed one. I saw it and thought of you."

"...that was months ago. I got a hairdryer already."

"..." *takes hairdryer back* "sorry wrong person. I don't have my contacts in my bad"

She has perfect vision

Kunikida

Trans vibes. In any and every direction

Adhd af

Will always conveniently have room in his schedule when Aya wants to go do something and needs someone to go with her. No, he's TOTALLY not frantically writing and erasing things, get your glasses updated

You can usually count on him to continue the bit cuz he won't realize there is a bit occurring

[soukokuwu]

i live for aku angst. could you please write a scenario where he develops feelings for a fem reader during the dark era, but watches as her & dazai fall in love together? he wouldn’t be able to do anything since he’s dazai’s subordinate. but imagine them having a significant friend (ish) relationship, so when she disappears along with dazai he gets left utterly heartbroken and alone, wishing he would have said something to her when she was still with him. thank you! i love your writing

➥ genre: angst

➥ pairing: akutagawa x crush!reader, dazai x reader

➥ synopsis: akutagawa watches as you fall in love... but not with him.

➥ word count: 2k

➥ a/n: and i live for angst 😼 i really really loved this idea & i really hope you’re still here — tried a certain theme for this, hopefully you like it!! and tysm kind anony ^.^

Black and blue

You came out of the blue.

In the form of medicine for his wounds, and a cure for his aches. You were his superior, but you were unlike a certain other superior he knew. You radiated warmth and comfort — something Akutagawa didn’t know he craved. And yet you managed to instil that feeling in him within a matter of seconds.

“Dazai did this to you again?”

What was that he heard in your voice? Was it pain? Disapproval? Sadness, maybe? He was too detached from any emotion to be able to tell. Everything he knew, he learned from Dazai himself. All he wanted was the man’s approval. That was all he worked for. But you ignited a conflict in Akutagawa that he didn’t bargain for. One that he didn’t know would lead to fireworks instead of just a single spark.

“Yes,” was all he said. Was there any other way to respond? This was the first time you spoke to him, was he supposed to continue the conversation? A part of him wanted to. This was the only time a superior has shown any sort of care to him after all. So why couldn’t he get anything out?

You pressed your lips into a firm line, and he couldn’t help but notice how soft and pink they looked. You didn’t wear a lot of makeup, and his opinion was that you didn’t need it anyway. You already looked... pleasing enough to the eyes. Was that how people described someone they found... good-looking?

Endless questions darted across Akutagawa’s mind that day. But none were answered. Because how could they be, when the one questioning didn’t have the guts to say a thing in the first place?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Akutagawa knew.

He knew you didn’t mean to. But you did it anyway. He knew why, too. Because he let you. And just like that, his walls came down. No, they didn’t crumble — he wouldn’t let them fall that easily, but still you were the only one who could take the bricks out piece by piece until the barrier was almost nonexistent.

It was like demolishing a house and rebuilding it again — just better, stronger. You painted over his grey with your red. It was your favourite color, and fitting enough; it was the color of his feelings for you.

Since that day you were always there for him. You had your own tasks, sure, but you always looked out for him when you could. And he found that days when you were especially busy were the days he felt most blue. Akutagawa found it strange though — why did you care? What did you have to gain?

And he found the answer one night, a conversation with you by the bay. You had invited him to take a walk with you, to get some proper fresh air and let off steam. But Akutagawa had read way too much into it, that he knew. Why else would he feel disappointed that there wasn’t so much as any physical contact with you? He merely stayed at a distance as he always did, and you never tried.

One fruit bore out of that night though. He learned more about you than he thought he would. You were much like him; joining the mafia because you had nowhere else, you accepted an invitation from a senior in the mafia, wanting to prove that you weren’t worthless, that you could produce something of value to someone. No wonder you looked out for him. You saw a part of yourself in him, didn’t you? You knew how lonely it felt. That night, Akutagawa felt something he never thought he would — a sense of belonging.

The longer you spoke to him that night, the larger that feeling grew. And somehow he looked at you in a way he didn’t before. It confused him, disgusted him. No, correction — he disgusted himself. Not his affection for you. Why did he feel like pursuing this; you? That night, he denied himself the chance to let you in on his feelings.

A useless kid like him doesn’t deserve you.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke was a black sheep. But you were the golden girl.

Should he be surprised then? As he watched the way his mentor interacted with you, should he be worried? No, did he even have the right to be? But then he saw him smile at you, a smile he’d only seen formed when he was around that other guy — Oda Sakunosuke. You were... another exception? Yet again, many questions raced through his head. But one thing he knew for sure — he was turning into the green-eyed monster.

He started to notice how you reacted to Dazai. He hated how you always seemed so mesmerised whenever he walked by. He hated how your eyes twinkled whenever you talked to him — where’s that sparkle in your eye when you talked to Akutagawa? He hated how one day you just showed up with Dazai’s coat wrapped around your shoulders. He hated how much he was affected by it. It really wasn’t unexpected — next to Dazai, who would take a second look at him anyway? He wished he could be him. Then maybe you’d... He shook his head. No, maybe not even then.

What he hated the most? He couldn’t even hate the guy. He yearned for Dazai’s respect; approval, and that never changed. But then the upset dissolved into an understanding. Something in his head clicked. You belonged with Dazai. He knew next to nothing about your relationship and how it worked. But what Akutagawa did know? Dazai was a revered member of the Port Mafia, one likely to take Mori’s place as the big boss in the future. He couldn’t even lay a hit on him with Rashomon. Dazai wasn’t a formidable fighter like Chuuya either, and still he managed to beat Akutagawa into the ground. That man... was exceptional. You deserved that. You deserved the best.

That’s what Dazai was. He was the black that would take no other hue, and fittingly so he was the Port Mafia’s great white hope.

“Devour space? That sounds cool,” you had commented one day while bandaging up the cut on his wrist, one inflicted on by Dazai himself. He noticed how you didn’t comment on his barbarism as you usually would, and the usual concern in your tone never appeared. As it never did ever since the first day he saw you talk to Dazai.

“I still can’t do it.”

“If you try to imagine you’re protecting me, could you?”

You see, Akutagawa knew it was just a joke to you. And yet? His heart started pounding so fast, so loud in his chest the moment he heard it. It was a tiring dance — feeling so happy about a tiny comment and then feeling a heartache after realising your smiles, even then, were never as sweet as the ones you flashed at Dazai.

Did Dazai even love you? Or was he playing some sort of game as he usually does with women? He hated how he was praying for the latter. Hated how he wished that things would crumble for the two of you so that he could be the one to help you pick up the pieces — to be the one. Akutagawa sighed, knowing he could never get inside his head. Anyone who tried would fall into a cognitive prison. But even these selfish thoughts couldn’t last long, because Akutagawa got his answer later that day when he overheard his mentor talking to his friend.

“Odasaku, how vulnerable can humans get?”

Akutagawa is shocked at the depth of the conversation. He didn’t know Dazai was capable of talking about... emotions. He didn’t think he had any. The other man mentioned something about it being to a big extent, Akutagawa let it slip past his ears. He was more interested in what Dazai had to say.

“It’s weird. It’s like finally being seen after having lived in perpetual darkness. The light she holds, it’s small... but is it wrong of me to hope that it will grow with time?”

Was that... hope he heard in his mentor’s voice? ‘With time’? That meant the future... for all his suicidal thoughts, because of you, was Dazai really considering living? Akutagawa sighed in exasperation as he quietly walked away from the spot he eavesdropped from. He would never understand Dazai.

He never did. Especially not when the same Dazai who spoke so fondly of you was the same Dazai who shot three bullets at Akutagawa for killing the enemy. You were a saviour in more than one way. Your words echoed in his mind, and his shield came out of his will to protect you, an imaginary you. That’s why Dazai didn’t manage to shoot him dead this time. Because of you.

“Oh? See? You can do it. How many times have I told you? Cutting open unfortunate hostages isn’t the only thing you’re good for. You should be able to use your powers for defense too.”

“I’ve never been able to successfully do that before this.”

“But you just did. Isn’t that great?”

Akutagawa wanted so badly to argue back in an act of rebellion, to yell out that it was only because of you that he was able to do it. But the words got stuck in his throat. And Dazai’s threat embedded themselves in his brain. He always wondered if Dazai knew his subordinate harboured feelings for his partner. But Akutagawa already knew the answer. Nothing escapes that man. But he’s sure that he doesn’t view him as a threat, not even as competition, no.

To Dazai, it was probably just another reason to hate him; another reason to justify why he was in Dazai’s black books.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It was a complete bolt from the blue.

Akutagawa remembered the day he realised he had lost two important people in his life. He thought that watching as you fell in love with Dazai was the most horrible emotion he could feel. He was wrong. Losing the two of you, not even being able to see either of you, not knowing where either of you vanished to — nothing could top that agony.

The day Oda died, the two of you disappeared along with him.

You took down his walls, painted the insides red, furnished it and made it vibrant again and then suddenly you were gone. You left him in the dark. You invaded his solitary space — slowly, ironically without any violence, and yet the moment you left, it was anything but peaceful for Akutagawa. No, you and Dazai left him even lonelier than before. You graced him with your presence and healed him, only to break him down even more than he already was before he met you.

Everything he heard about love after you left just seemed like everyone viewed the world through rose-coloured glasses. Nothing he found could describe the anguish he felt over losing you; or the regret he held for not telling you how he felt — the remorse that he knew wouldn’t change a thing, and yet wished he did anyway.

Because who knew when he would ever see you again, if he would? What if he never did? Yet ironically, your memory is always there — you’re sitting at the edge of his periphery, taunting him with your smile, tempting him to go and find you. And Akutagawa thinks of it everyday; what it would be like to find you, to hold you, to tell you everything he should have when you were still there.

However, a part of him nags at him not to. After all, the grass is always greener on the other side — maybe because Akutagawa isn’t there. And as an image of you flashed in his mind yet again, he scoffed at himself.

Beautiful. That’s the word he was looking for that first day you touched his soul.

You’re beautiful.

tags: @yokelish @gogolparadise @fyowyn-writes

[for-what-reason-if-not-love]

Pitiful Creatures

Sometimes you just need to cry it out on a shoulder.

(DazaixChuuya) (Omegaverse Au) (Alpha Chuuya and Omega Dazai) (Fic Excerpt) (Approx 2k words of hurt feels and Alphas on the verge of a breakdown)

For the past several weeks, Chuuya had taken to willingly spending his time in combat zones, taking on almost all the field assignments that Mori had to offer. It was quite frustrating on how hard it was becoming to catch the Alpha around and Dazai could recall that the last time they had even so much as had a decent conversation, was weeks ago, too far long for his liking, and now his patience was getting thinner.

Ane-san had also expressed her concern regarding Chuuya’s behavior, quietly stating that he had not once visited her establishment this month, her current disapproval in her young charge showing from her sharp tongue. She had gone on to make a quip about how it was Dazai’s own self-destructive behavior that was starting to rub on the Alpha, the accusation leaving a bitter taste in Dazai’s mouth.

He had left her place with an empty expression, immediately deciding on hunting down Chuuya and giving him a  piece of his mind about how it was <i> he</i> that was the self-destructive one of the two, or maybe put out the offer of double suicide if Chuuya really was working with the aim to kill himself.

A call from Hirotsu confirmed that Chuuya had just entered the Mafia headquarters to hand in the latest report regarding his most recent suicide mission (Dazai had thrown quite a hissy fit upon hearing the nature of this mission a week ago, because of fear and jealousy alike), the news making Dazai pick up  his pace so he could catch Chuuya before the Alpha left the building. 

He had noted it, the reason behind the whole relentless overworking, had known it was because of Corruption and the high amount of casualties that had recently eliminated half of Chuuya’s underlings, topped with the work overload he must be facing due to his newly earned position as Executive. But mostly it was due to the files on the Arahabaki case that Chuuya was finally allowed to  review because of his status, and really now, this was becoming troublesome. (Dazai has already peeked into the files.)

Rushing over and climbing the stairs in strides had gotten him to the top floor much faster than he calculated, giving him enough time to compose his rapid breathing and pull up an unperturbed face. He could hear Mori’s voice from the other side of the door, droning on about some flaw in Chuuya’s report, the defeated silence in answer stifling the air and disrupting his breathing. It sounded like Chuuya was even more disheartened then the last time Dazai had gotten a glimpse of him in the corridors.

Mori had moved on to give a little lecture on Chuuya’s carelessness and crude behavior that he used in dealing with the mission, with what must be in a disapproving tone, if Dazai ever heard one. In his mind’s eye, he could imagine Chuuya, frozen in a terse bow with his hat off, eyes fixed on the carpeted floor in a show of respect and submission, a frown marring his handsome expression. 

Dazai was still reviewing the entire one on one happening on the other side of the wall, when the door opened up to reveal Chuuya, who was wearing a look of utter surprise on finding the Omega, that did nothing in hiding the watery gleam of his eyes, making Dazai’s inbuilt instinct go on high alert mode.

It must have shown on his face, the alarm, because the next thing he knew, Chuuya was already walking away from him in hurried steps, face shadowed by the brim of his stupid hat. It hurt, just a bit, seeing his partner ignore him so openly after a month of radio silence.

His mind reeled in itself, seeing the Alpha sprinting down the corridor, wanting to ran away and shut himself in his nest and sulk about the whole situation, his mind wanting to retreat back into his shell, but without it registering, his feet had already started following after the frustrated scent left in the Alpha’s wake. Chuuya was already at the end of the passage by the time he caught up, ducking into an empty meeting room.

“Leave me alone for a bit, Dazai”. It wasn't exactly an order, body turned away from the door, waiting for the omega to clear out, his voice sounded heavy, gloved hand coming up to cover his face.

“Chuuya”. He was hurt, honestly, first time they talk in a month and Chuuya is asking him to leave him? Unbelievable.

Dazai did not pay any heed to his request (when did he ever), choosing instead to close the door behind him and stride into the center of the room, a cautious distance from the strung-up Alpha. 

“Kouyou nee-san said you're being an ass these days, and I couldn’t agree more”. This elicited no response from Chuuya. “Sulking just because of Mori’s lecture?”, Dazai asked, slowly trying to close in the distance. He lifted his hand up to rest it on his shoulder, prepared for retaliation. 

“I said LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, DAZAI!” As soon as the contact was made, Chuuya had whirled around and shouted it on his face.

It wasn't the fresh wave of angry alpha-scent pheromones that hit Dazai, to make him stumble back a step, rather it was Chuuya’s face, tear tracks cutting clear lines into his cheeks, the colour of his eyes intensified by their glassiness.

“Chuuya!”, if Dazai wasn’t alarmed before then he was definitely shocked now, moving with purpose towards the Alpha that hadn’t seemed to realize that he was crying at all. Chuuya seemed surprised to see him advancing forward, stepping back a bit to avoid the Omega hellbent on cornering him.

Chuuya kept backing away from him, not realizing that Dazai was fully intent on getting over with whatever-this-was. The back of his knees hit the seat of a swivel chair, and Dazai wasted no time in pushing him back to sit on it, hands firmly holding his shoulders.

Chuuya made a move to stand back up, but Dazai was fast enough to straddle himself on the distressed Alpha, wrapping his arms around his lithe frame.

“Honestly if you hate being down talked by Mori so much…”, that was most definitely him skirting around the main issue because rule no. seven of surviving the underworld stated that issues that are not talked about, don't exist and right now making Chuuya calm down was top priority.

“I mean, Mori is technically right in his way…”, He continued talking, wanting to distract him with the things his mind must be thinking.

By now Chuuya had taken to hiding in his embrace (knowing it was fruitless to try and fight against Dazai), hands holding onto his waist a little too tightly for comfort, sniffling every few seconds, but Dazai doesn't mind. He had taken to hugging Chuuya back just as tightly.

After what seemed like an eternity, Chuuya’s shoulders relaxed a bit, just a bit, and the barbed wire wrapped around Dazai’s heart managed to ease it’s hold. He had his cheek resting on Chuuya’s head, waiting for the flood gates to close.

“Sorry”. The Alpha seemed sheepish, judging from his cracked voice, but Dazai just shook his head and let out an exaggerated sigh.

“Chibi, you had me worried here for a second”. This earned him a low growl from Chuuya, making him grin.

“Chuuya got all his tears and snot on my shirt!”

He missed this.

Relaxing his stance a little, he prodded further,“Oh, so it’s about your height? Quite a weird thing to sulk about.” 

“Shut up,” Chuuya groans, his face still hidden. By now the Alpha had calmed down, breathing pattern going back to notable.

Dazai started to pull back from the embrace, wanting to see Chuuya’s face properly after so long, hands coming to hold Chuuya’s red face, “Look at you”.

This situation was definitely a first for both of them.

”Chuuya looks like a little toddler”. Dazai lovingly squished his cheeks to maximize the effect. The Alpha’s face was flushed, red-rimmed heavy lidded eyes looking back at Dazai, bottom lip bitten into by his fang, but he still managed to look attractive.

Chuuya must have been tired, because he only sighed at the remark and moved his hand up to cup Dazai’s. Winding his fingers in between his, he pulled them back from his face and held them in the space between them.

 Too much distance, Dazai thought, slowly pulling his hands away and moving closer again to wrap them around Chuuya’s neck, resting his face on his shoulder, nuzzling his scent glands under his collar. A deep inhale of the Alpha’s scent had him going boneless, touch starvation making itself obvious. Chuuya seemed to have sensed it too, moving to nuzzle his face into Dazai’s neck, hands moving to his waist to pull him closer.

Dazai’s body seemed too eager for this physical touch, head tipped back to allow more access for the Alpha, as Chuuya kept kissing and nipping at his glands, hands twisted in Chuuya’s hair, exhaling soft sighs and gasps every so often. 

Perhaps, Chuuya thought, he should feel guilty for having neglected his omega for so long. 

Even at this proximity, he could barely make out the scent of Dazai, overwhelmed by blood and gunpowder. It was a soft whiff of petrichor and paper, intoxicating and ensnaring.

Dazai let out a sharp gasp when Chuuya slipped his hand under his shirt, cool leather caressing patterns on heated skin under the loose bandages. It felt like fire chasing away the frost.

“Chuuya” Dazai gasped out, to which the Alpha just hummed. Dazai was feeling too warm now,pressed up against Chuuya, heat pooling in his belly making him breathless. He tried to wiggle a bit to adjust his position on Chuuya’s lap, intent on simply rutting and making-out, but the Alpha had a very tight hold on his waist.

 Chuuya yanks a fistful of Dazai’s hair, exposing his pale neck. He starts with light kisses that turn into soft bites, the Omega shivering and spluttering out half gasps and moans.

“Chuuya.” Dazai whines, shaking hands trying to unbutton Chuuya’s shirt, mirroring Chuuya’s actions of opening his neck tie. He shivers when Chuuya bites into his collarbone and tugs down his shirt and jacket which pool behind his back. The Alpha makes quick work of the bandages winding down his neck, exposing all the rope burns, scratches and bite marks on his pale skin to the soft evening light, and Dazai shivers at the heated gaze directed at him. He doesn’t know what to make of-never knew how to process- the fact that Chuuya finds him attractive, a shiver sliding down his spine from the way Chuuya was giving him this look.

The room was already tainted with their scents running wild, mixed with the heat of arousal and want. Dazai could feel the slick sliding down his thighs, could feel Chuuya’s arousal between his legs, could feel his self-control thinning out as lust choked all coherent thoughts with desire. 

“Chuuya, please”. This was getting borderline unbearable, how Chuuya seemed so calm and collected in a situation like this, even with his hair mussed up. (The hat was knocked down somewhere on the carpeted floor) and his face looking so kissable.

Chuuya pulls him in by his nape into a slow open mouthed kiss, moving on to suck  and bite at his bottom lip, it would most likely bruise (Chuuya liked leaving evidence of his hold on his territory), tongue settling heat in his mouth as his other hand slowly trailed down Dazai’s spine.

Before the Omega could process anything, Chuuya had already scooped him up and stood up, walking towards the conference table, and Dazai paid no mind to it, too busy getting his share of kisses and fervent touches.

They only separated once, when Chuuya had deposited him on the desk surface, to take of their dress shirts, the Alpha immediately pulling himself back between his legs again to drown in the kisses. Dazai was lightly rutting against Chuuya’s obvious erection, desperate enough in his actions to make Chuuya start unbuckling their pants.

One shove and Dazai’s pants and underwear were thrown somewhere behind them, leaving him perfectly naked to the alpha’s heated gaze, safe for the bandages winding down his torso and appendages. Chuuya pulled off his gloves by the tip of his fangs, fully intent on simply staring at the ruffled Omega.

One hand moves to part Dazais legs further, as the other moves to circle around his neck, pushing him down until his back rested flat against the desk. Even now Dazai’s mind likened this action to creating distance, but he simply lay there, content on sitting back and seeing what Chuuya was willing to do. Cold fingers brushed against his flushed erection, making Dazai jump, slowly making their way to circle the tight leaking hole.

Chuuya had a perfectly expressionless face, only his eyes letting go on how interested he was, solely focused on Dazai’s lower body. One finger slid in without any sort of resistance, which showed just how aroused the Omega was. Dazai breathing stuttered.

“Sorry” Chuuya mumbled lowly, apologizing for what exactly, for having flooded out his emotions earlier or for downright ignoring him for a whole month now, Dazai wasn’t quite composed yet to try and decipher that, mind more than content at just being touched after so long.