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OMG I'M LATE BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SHORT KING

Wish gingers were real smh

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Chapter 2 is up!!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63886900/chapters/166263427

Teen!skk being teen!skk in dire sitiuations, the norm fjkndfsnf

*Gasps* I AM ALIVEEE

Gift presented to my first donator on Ko-fi, and absolute sweetheart @sonatana!! So sorry for the late delivery, I appreciate your patience so muchh 🫶🏼🫶🏼 Hope you enjoy it <3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63886900/chapters/163848148

Chapters: 1/4 || Words: 4.7k || Category: 15!skk whump

Also big thanks @ay-masakali for beta-ing this chapter and coming up with the title <333

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chapters 63, 78, 105 and 121.

and each time, Atsushi's reaction was to acknowledge Dazai's presence and be motivated by it:

but, now that the veil has been lifted, it's very easy to see that this Dazai hasn't been very nice in his approach at all. Here, let me help you visualise it a little:

Looking back, that Dazai's words were systematically accusatory and harsh, and if at the start his face resembled the man Atsushi knows, recently his expressions have turned dull and cold, much more reminiscent of what we've seen from the orphanage headmaster.

Yes, the headmaster was cruel. Yes, it was unfair. No, Atsushi didn't deserve any of it. He should have been protected, he has every right to despise that man and to feel all the conflicting feelings he has about it. But it happened. It happened, and he was shaped by it, and every step he takes as he makes his way through his new life has the echoes of the way that man raised him. He's making the choice not to let anyone go through what he has to if he can help it, but also makes him prone to self-sacrifice because of his lack of self-esteem.

Atsushi's been struggling hard since the Decay of Angels arc began, and the voice that's been motivating him whenever his determination waned has been the one of the man who raised and abused him hidden behind the mask of the one who brought him to his new home. It's fucked, and it worked.

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remembered this line from Beast and now I have to kill myself

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This panel is so funny because hallucination-Dazai hasn't smiled for the past three chapters and the one time he chooses to it's after the panel WHERE ODA DIES LIKE TFFF 😭😭

me, casting my gay love spell on you

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Okay but, Atsushi leapt forward. He was sliced from behind.

He should have fell onto his front, he should have been faced down when he hit the ground.

And yet, as he falls he somehow manages to turn over.

To turn towards Akutagawa, to keep his eyes on him and not the thing that just killed him.

His eyes that plead with Akutagawa to be safe, the hand that pushed Akutagawa away from danger still stretching towards him, are the last things to go.

With the last of his strength in the physical world, Atsushi fought to know he'd saved Akutagawa, fought for him to be the last thing he saw.

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Oh YES please that would be a rare Bones W 🛐🛐

I'm sorry but when this gets animated, how are we gonna get this prallel that's highlighted again and again in the manga when WHAT WE GOT WAS THIS:

ARE THEY GONNA MAKE ATSUSHI LOOK LIKE THAT WHILE DYING???

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In Dead Apple the Headmaster tries to stop Atsushi from opening the tiger door. He tells Atsushi that he won’t be able to handle what’s inside.

Atsushi opens the door alone.

In chapter 105 when Atsushi is captured by Teruko he dreams of his friends looking down on him. When Akutagawa yells at him to “look outside.”

To where Dazai is standing away from them all silently pointing towards an open door.

Atsushi walks through the door and wakes up alone.

In chapter 122 Atsushi has Dazai from the disguise and reveal he’s the Headmaster. Atsushi tries to open the door but cannot do so alone.

The Headmaster stands behind him and they open it together.

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I'm sorry but when this gets animated, how are we gonna get this parallel that's highlighted again and again in the manga when WHAT WE GOT WAS THIS:

ARE THEY GONNA MAKE ATSUSHI LOOK LIKE THAT WHILE DYING???

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Matching profile pictures for you and your star crossed rival

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//Bsd 122

There's something increadibly twisted about Dazai saying "certainly" with this much conviction, when he himself was struggling to find a reason to live in the Port Mafia.

Even worse when you remember that he'd declared his desire to watch the mafia burn in Stormbringer. Simply because he was bored of it all. Killing, death, schemes. All of it was the same. Everything became mundane.

Dazai never found any meaning in living in the Port Mafia, but here he is, promising Akutagawa the one thing he never got ahold of. Guaranteeing that Akutagawa would find it.

And the funny thing is, he did.

Dazai, in the end, did give Akutagawa a reason to live. But here's the catch: It's primarily tied to him. Not to the mafia, not to some high-end goal related to Akutagawa as a person, but to the suicidal executive.

And it makes sense, in hindsight.

Despite Dazai's visible efforts to make Akutagawa use his head more than his ability, he's the one (whether intentionally or unintentionally) who molded Akutagawa into this person, hungry for validation from his senior more than anything. And how you look at it (Dazai's intentions) determines if it was either a plan doomed from the start, or a perfectly calculated one.

Akutagawa would never want to seek more than what he was taught to seek. Would never stop being Dazai's lapdog. Would never grow a conscience that defines him, shape him into his own person. Would never hope for more than the Port Mafia, being Dazai's shadow.

In turn, Dazai would never need to worry about Akutagawa's intentions, only his executions. Something far easier to discipline someone over.

From the very beginning, Akutagawa was a wild card Dazai needed to moderate. So he made his approval all he should seek. He made him strive for nothing more.

He made Dazai all Akutagawa is.

And once he fulfills his wish to end his life, Akutagawa will be gone as well.

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//Bsd 122

YES YES YESSS I KNEW ITTT

I FEEL SO ACCOMPLISHED CALLING THIS TWIST BACK WHEN 121 CAME OUT UNDER @hintabutbsd's POST

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Live laugh love Atsushi witnessing Dazai in the Port Mafia...effectively debunking my statement that no one in the ADA knows who Dazai truly is.

Lovely. Idk what they are saying, but lovely.

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Hi there!

I don't know if you've talked about this in a previous post, so please forgive me if this is a redundant question, but you mentioned - in the post about how Fyodor seems to be mimicking Dazai's mannerisms post-Meursault - that Dazai sees himself in Atsushi.

It wasn't the point of that post, but I was very intrigued by what you said, since they're not typically seen as similar characters. I've thought about Dazai seeing Odasaku's traits in Atsushi's, but himself I've never considered.

I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter, if you are comfortable.

Also, I love reading your BSD character analyses! Have a lovely day!

Of course I don't mind explaining!

CW for mentions of suicide and child abuse

--

When I say Dazai sees himself in Atsushi, I don't mean in a "We act the same and have the same world views" kind of way, but more of a Dazai understands the way Atsushi feels about himself because he feels very similar. It's not exactly the same as how Dazai feels now, but I believe he's asked a lot of the same questions about himself that Atsushi does.

Take the first chapter where they are in the warehouse together.

Atsushi talks about himself as if he's worthless and matters to no one else, therefore he should just disappear. Dazai doesn't respond, but this look he has, to me, is recognition.

We know that as a teenager Dazai attempted to end his life, resulting in him meeting Mori. It's very easily plausible to me that Dazai had these same thoughts as Atsushi, that they eventually morphed into how he idealizes suicide in the current manga.

He doesn't tell Atsushi not to feel these things, or that he's wrong because Dazai understands what it's like to go through such self-loathing and how a stranger telling you not to feel that way doesn't really help. However, I do think this is the moment he decides to help Atsushi. To share the weight of his darkness just like Oda and Ango did for him.

There's also the fact that Dazai is the one to help Atsushi through his emotions when the Director dies. I, again, believe it's because Dazai understands Atsushi's complex emotions around the Director.

Again, we see him telling Atsushi that his feelings aren't wrong. All of them.

The anger, the hatred and yes, even the aching loss he so badly wants to deny. Dazai tells him it's okay to feel all those things at once and it's okay to cry over it. Because he wouldn't be crying over the Director, he's be crying for himself, for the little boy who didn't get the love and protection he should of and was instead stuck with such an abusive man.

I think Dazai understands this because of Mori and his own complex feelings around him. Dazai hates Mori, but he can't escape the influence he had over his teen years, over who he is today and the lessons he imparted on him. There was a time where Mori was the only person who had ever told Dazai it's okay to the way he is. He can only hate Mori as much as he does because at one time, he didn't.

I doubt Dazai actually views Mori as a father, the same way Atsushi never viewed the Director as his father, but it's the word that most easily describes both of complex feelings around them.

Dazai sees the lost and alone boy he was in Atsushi and he wants to help him in a way he was never helped.

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AAAA THANK YOU THANK YOUU <334

Happy birthday to this little guy and MEEEE

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Happy birthday to this little guy and MEEEE

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Nakahara Chuuya, send tweet