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madlori · 8 months ago

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Facebook Official

whoops my hand slipped and I banged out 1800 words of fix-it fic in like an hour. btw i think the Abby connection is dumb but I'm making it work.

Three years after reconciling with Buck, newly engaged to him, Tommy gets a phone call from a certain former dispatcher...who's just seen some interesting news via a Facebook Relationship Status post.

*****

(also on AO3)

To say that the phone call blindsided him would have been the understatement of the century.

He was just sitting at home watching the game, having a beer, minding his own business. Evan was on shift — must be a busy one, he’d only gotten two text messages all evening, one bitching about not having had time to eat dinner and the other about idiots who texted while driving.

His phone rang. Unknown number. Normally he wouldn’t have picked up, but with all the wedding preparations, a lot of vendors were calling. It was a little late to be making business calls, just after 8 pm, but he’d quickly learned that business norms meant little in the wedding planning business. “Hello?”

“Tommy?”

“Yes?” A woman’s voice. Familiar, but he couldn’t place it.

Pause “You’re marrying Buck??” A slightly hysterical note of disbelief entered the woman’s voice as she said the name.

And all at once, he knew who it was. Shit fuck motherfucker why didn’t we get ahead of this one.

“Abby. Um…”

“Evan Buckley? My ex-fiancé and my ex-boyfriend are marrying each other?”

“Small world, huh?” he said, going for levity.

“Buck’s not even gay!”

“No, he’s not. He’s bisexual.”

“I’m…okay. I’m sorry, it’s just…this is a lot of information to get all at once.”

“How did you even find out? Don’t you live in Phoenix?”

“Buck posted one of those relationship status things on Facebook.”

“Oh. I barely use Facebook.”

“Me either, but Buck does, and I hadn’t been on there in awhile, but I logged on and that was like the third post I saw!”

Tommy remembered the day Buck had made the post. They hadn’t really put their relationship on social media much - Buck posted photos of them on Instagram sometimes - and he hadn’t done one of those stupid relationship status things for them until they got engaged. They’d trawled their phones for the right pic, eventually settling on one taken at a 118 barbecue of them together, smiling, arms slung around waists. He hadn’t said so, but he’d gotten a little emotional over what Evan wrote on the post:

Evan Buckley is engaged to Tommy Kinard.

“It’s been a long road, but we made it. Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with this man. He’s the best person I’ve ever known. I love you!”

“Well…I’m sorry that was an unpleasant surprise for you,” Tommy said, carefully.

She sighed. “I don’t know that it was…unpleasant. But a surprise, for sure. How do you even know Buck? How did you meet?”

“We’re both firefighters, it’s not that surprising that we could have met, is it?”

“No, I guess not.”

“And he was at my old firehouse. The one you refused to ever come to. But I guess you went when you were with him, didn’t you?”

“You never wanted me to meet your friends. I guess I found out why when you broke off our engagement.”

“I’m sorry, Abby. I know I said it then, but I’ll say it again now. I lied to myself, I lied to a lot of people. It took me almost trapping you in my lie, when you did not deserve that, to break me out of it.”

“I forgave you ages ago. We don’t have to go over all that again.”

“I met Evan…I guess it’s four years ago? We started dating not long after. I, um…was the first man he dated. I guess I made him realize some things about himself.”

“Just transforming lives everywhere you go, huh?” she said, a teasing note entering her voice. Tommy was happy to hear it.

“Yeah, well, I almost screwed it up. I broke up with him six months later. He was diving in headfirst, too fast, just all in and wanting to move in with me.”

“That sounds just like Buck.”

“I panicked and ended it before I could get in any deeper with him.”

“It was too late, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah. I was already in love with him.”

“He’s easy to love. Too easy,” she said, quietly. “But you got back together, obviously.”

“Took a little while. Almost a year. I dated a few guys, he dated a few people, but nothing stuck for either of us - I know now it’s because we were still hung up on each other. We have a friend in common and we’d hear about each other through him…but I didn’t really see him until we ended up on a major incident call together. I sustained a minor injury - just a scrape, really - and Hen from his house patched me up. I was sitting there on the ambulance deck, more or less left to myself, and he came waltzing up with that eyebrow raised like he knew all my secrets.” Abby chuckled, like she knew the exact expression he was describing. “He just said, are you done being fucking stupid yet?”

“And you were.”

“Yep. I was. He took me home that night and we’ve barely been apart since. Got engaged a year later.”

“You sound happy.”

“I am. I’m ecstatic. I can’t believe I got a second chance with him. I kicked myself for ending it like that, I don’t know what came over me.”

“I do. You thought you weren’t enough for him to want to keep you.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“That’s dumb.”

“That’s what he says.”

They sat there not speaking for what felt like a long time.

“Well…” Abby said. “I feel like I just unloaded on you out of the blue.”

“You kinda did,” he said, smiling.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have called.”

“I’m glad you did. You know…Evan and I didn’t realize we had you in common until our six month anniversary dinner. In fact, it was that revelation that sort of started us on the way to breaking up for awhile. But that’s been so long now and it hasn’t come up in a few years. I almost forgot about it.”

“Gee, thanks,” she said, her grin audible. “I’m glad you’re both happy. I have a lot of regret over Buck, how I left things with him. I assume he’s told you.”

“He has. If it helps, he doesn’t have any bad feelings towards you.”

“It does help. Thank you for that.” She sighed. “I’ll let you go. I just saw that Facebook post and spiralled a little bit.”

“Understandable.”

“Please tell Buck I say hello. And I wish you both so much happiness, Tommy.”

“Thank you. And I will.”

She hung up. Tommy stared at the phone for a moment, then opened his text message thread with Evan.

You’re not gonna believe what just happened.

*****

When Evan got home at 7 am, they had their usual two hours to share breakfast and maybe a quick fuck before Tommy had to be on shift himself. They tried to sync their schedules so their off days coincided, but it didn’t always work.

“Holy shit, why didn’t we get ahead of that one?” Evan said as he burst in the door, not even bothering with “hello.” His shoes and duffel went flying and he bustled into the kitchen where Tommy was mixing the pancake batter.

“Yeah, I had the same thought,” he said, leaning over to kiss him hello.

Evan went to the coffee pot. “I didn’t even think about it, that she might see.”

“Neither did I.”

“How’d she sound?”

“Really surprised at first. Incredulous, even? Like in the what-are-the-odds way.”

“Kinda like when I found out we’d both dated her.”

“Yeah, but you’re my himbo now,” Tommy said, smirking. “No, she was just shocked. I gave her the quick rundown, and she ended up congratulating us.”

“Did you tell her it’s her fault we broke up for a year?” Evan said, popping a strawberry into his mouth.

“I think the proper person to bear the fault is me.”

“And also me. Who asks someone to move in after six months? Before even saying ‘I love you?’ And when you had a house!”

“I say we blame Josh. He got you all juiced up with that damn Glee speech.” After they’d reconciled, Evan had given him chapter and verse on his mind-boggling thought processes on that last fateful day.

“He got me feeling guilty, is what he did. That I judged you for lying to Abby. Overcorrecting is one of my special gifts.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Well, while I’m overcorrecting…why don’t we invite her?”

Tommy looked up. “To our wedding?”

“Sure, why not? She can flip a coin whose side she sits on,” Evan said, grinning like the mischievous imp that he was.

“Evan, darling, love of my life, we are not inviting our ex to our wedding.”

He scrunched up his face. “Ew. ‘Our’ ex? Makes it sound like we were in a throuple.”

“Ew, indeed.”

He cocked his head. “I dunno, though. The thought’s kinda sexy.”

“Not to me! No vaginas anywhere near my bedroom. Kinsey 6, remember?”

“Of course, my apologies.”

Tommy looked at his innocent wide-eyed face for a few beats. “You’re still thinking about it, aren’t you?”

“Can I help it if the thought of two people I have found intensely attractive doing sexy things is appealing?”

“Can I help it if the thought of Chris Hemsworth going down on you has gotten me through some lonely nights?”

“Okay, I get the point. Shutting up now.”

Tommy put a plate of pancakes in front of him. “Your shift okay?”

“Fine. Busy. I’m a bit wired. Do we have time for me to bounce on your dick for a bit before you have to head out?”

“For that, I’ll make time.” He sat down at the table at Evan’s side with his own pancakes. Evan slid a hand over and squeezed his thigh.

“Missed you, though,” he said, chewing.

“I always miss you when you’re on shift,” Tommy said.

Evan looked up at that, meeting his eyes. “Tommy, sometimes I miss you when you get up to get a beer.”

The simplicity, the sincerity of it made his chest tighten a little. He leaned forward, put his fingers under Evan’s chin and pulled him into a soft kiss, just like the first time. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too.”

“And we are not inviting my ex-fiancee who is also your ex-girlfriend to our wedding.”

Evan grinned. “Deal.”

#madlori's fic #bucktommy fic #bucktommy #fix-it fic #911 8x06 #911 8x06 fix-it #911 fanfic #tevan #kinley

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fangweaver2099 · 1 year ago

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𝐅 𝐀 𝐖 𝐍 𝐓 𝐄 𝐄 𝐓 𝐇 - Prologue pt 2

MINORS DNI 18+ FIC

You’ve always liked the idea of having a dominant partner - BDSM was something you’ve read about, watched videos about.

Something you made Pinterest boards and aesthetic tumblr posts about when you were 18 and curious, the idea always sounded nice, but you’ve never done it in practice, not really. Sure you bought fuzzy handcuffs at a gag gift store once, but that didn’t really count.

You’re still a virgin.

You’ve always had that chronically awkward, workaholic type of vibe that made typical dating near impossible at worst and frustrating at best. Normal dating apps have proven fruitless and agitating. So poor curious little you talked yourself into making a fetlife account. You weren’t looking for true love, but at least you could get laid.

DM Request from: 10:13 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Hello, Fawn.”

College was for new experiences after all.

CW: BDSM heavy/centric fic. Safe, Sane & Consensual. Miguel is your professor, but you both don't know that. Age Gap (Y/N is 23, Miguel is mid 30's)

TAG: @slut4oscarissac23

PART 1 - PART 3

It’s been a week since you met Web. You’ve gotten into the routine he provided after you confirmed he expected you to start instantly. Thankfully, your summer job is walkable and makes the whole hour of exercise he’d demanded - so it isn’t much of a change in routine.

He isn’t pleased that your idea of meals is usually whatever frozen nuggets you have in the fridge or whatever you and your roommates decide to swing by to, but there’s only so much you can do on a college budget, and he begrudgingly accepts that fact after some discussion.

You wake with a groan, still entangled in your gray duvet. You had opted for a daybed for your tiny room and it means you often sleep with your nose touching the wall and your limbs curled close to you, fetal position.

For a long moment, you consider heading back to bed. Your hands search down your body and across your bed for the phone. You pull the damn thing out from under your hip and flip it over in your hand.

Web asks you to download something called ‘Telegram’ - it doesn’t log pictures or anything for that matter, according to him. You find you even have a few contacts saved that used it. You discover your cousin is a furry, but you aren’t going to tell him that.

Web’s icon is what you’d expect, really - a red web. His number is fake - surprising to exactly nobody. He was clearly more tech savvy than you. When you had visualized an ideal dominant - Web checked too many boxes. At first you considered ghosting him, anxiety ate you up.

But you also crave his attention - maybe you’re more lonely than you thought. You find yourself waiting for his messages and bouncing at the attention. You’ve developed a habit of staying up too late waiting to see if he’ll pop back online again.

So you click open your phone, ignoring Facebook, Instagram, whatever, and click open the small blue icon to Telegram.

9:13 AM - WebRigger2099 - “Good Morning.”

“ I slept in… Sorry. Just saw this. Morning. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:15 PM

1:19 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Slept in until 1pm? Up late?”

“ Roommates were loud, so I watched netflix. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:19 PM

1:19 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Maybe when summer is over you’ll be able to get proper sleep at my place.”

“ That sounds nice. We’ll have to see. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:19 PM

1:20 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I can set up a dog bed at the foot of mine. I’d make sure you were comfortable, but you’d have to wake me to go to the bathroom. The leash would keep you bound to bed.”

“ And here I thought we’d snuggle. :p ” - Fawnteeth - 1:20 PM

1:20 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Yes, but you have to earn the bed for sleeping at night. Incentives keep you from growing complacent.”

“ You really do know what you’re doing. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:21 PM

“ Any free time today? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:21 PM

1:21 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I work from home during the summer and practically make my own hours. It’s a quiet day.”

“ Can I ask what you do? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:21 PM

1:21 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Yes, but I won’t answer.”

“ Mysterious. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:22 PM

1:22 PM - WebRigger2099 - “If you guess correct you might earn a treat, pup.”

“ How many tries do I get? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:22 PM

1:22 PM - WebRigger2099 - “We’ll say three.”

“ Banker? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:22 PM

1:22 PM - WebRigger2099 - “No. Every time you get it incorrect, you’ll answer a question of mine, how’s that sound?”

“ That's not very fair. :c ” - Fawnteeth - 1:23 PM

1:23 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I never said it would be.”

“ Fine. Ask away. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:23 PM

1:23 PM - WebRigger2099 - “When was the last time you touched yourself, Fawn?”

“ Oh. These kind of questions. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:23 PM

1:23 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Is that a complaint I hear?”

“ No. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:23 PM

1:23 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Well?”

“ The night after we spoke the first time. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:23 PM

1:23 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Good girl. Excited you, did I?”

“ Yes, sir. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:24 PM

1:24 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Good girl. You remembered the rule. No ‘maybe’s, only ‘yes’ or ‘no’.”

“ I’m trying my best. It’s not like it’s fun being a brat at the start. I gotta learn your buttons. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:24 PM

1:24 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You must be a glutton for punishment. Did you see the cane marks I left on some of the girls in my photo album?”

“ I did. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:24 PM

1:24 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Did it excite you, Fawn?”

You huff, rolling onto your other side on the bed.

“ ...Yes. When do I get to guess again? >:c ” - Fawnteeth - 1:24 PM

1:24 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I never said you couldn’t. You’re just answering free questions.”

“ Mean. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:24 PM

1:24 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Exceptionally. You have to earn ‘nice’.”

“ I don’t know why I find you so charming. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:24 PM

“ Librarian? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:24 PM

1:24 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Wrong. And many submissives find comfort in pain and punishment.”

“ you seem like the librarian type. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:25 PM

1:25 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Because you think I’d spank you with a ruler if you made too much noise?”

“ I don’t think a ruler would hurt very much. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:25 PM

1:25 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You haven’t had one break on your skin then. I’ve left bruises with them before.”

“ I sure haven’t. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:25 PM

1:25 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I’ll have to bring one someday, then. And a crop. Anything else you’d like me to mark you with?”

“ Let me think about it. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:25 PM

“ Personal trainer? You have the body for it. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:25 PM

1:25 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Isn’t that what I’m doing to you? It doesn’t pay very well, but I don’t have any complaints about the benefits so far.”

“ I mean. I guess? You haven’t asked me to work out, plus I hear the right clients means you could make bank. So you are a personal trainer? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:26 PM

1:26 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I did tell you to exercise an hour a day. Did you forget?”

“ Not completely. I walk. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:26 PM

1:26 PM - WebRigger2099 - “No, I’m not a personal trainer. Ready for my last two questions?”

“ Yes. :c I thought I was right… ” - Fawnteeth - 1:26 PM

1:26 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Afraid not.”

1:26 PM - WebRigger2099 - “When you masturbated the night we first spoke, what did you imagine?”

“ A bit of what you could look like. Putting myself into one of your photos. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:27 PM

1:27 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Do you like the idea of me showing you off for everyone to see? Your face covered of course, like the rest.”

“ I sure don’t mind the idea. Do most girls say no? I see you haven’t taken any photos in like 7 years. ” - Fawnteeth - 11:27 PM

1:27 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I’ve been busy. Started again recently.”

“ Ohhh. I see. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:27 PM

1:27 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Would you like to practice?”

“ Practice? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:27 PM

1:27 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Posing for my photos.”

“ Can I see you too? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:27 PM

1:27 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Fair is fair.”

“ Your profile pic leaves most to the imagination. Well. Below the belt, I guess. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:27 PM

1:27 PM - WebRigger2099 - “That’s what you want to see, is it? You’ll need to earn it.”

“ Call me curious. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:27 PM

1:27 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You’ll need to follow my instructions for posing, Fawn. Listening?”

“ Yes. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:28 PM

1:28 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You’ll take a picture of every step to prove you’re following along. Understood?”

“ Okay. Let me lock my door. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:28 PM

You need a gameplan. Checking for your roommates, you pop your head out of your door, listening hard. You can hear your roommate Kore’s music - some pop medley that she’s sewing to. Good.

You don’t hear anyone else, so everybody else must be out. You… try not to think about what Taylor or Aurora could be up to.

Sticking your head back in, you close the door. moving to click the lock shut. You check the door, only for it to open with the slightest tug. Glancing at the lock, you frown, flicking it on and off to see no little ‘lock’ mechanism come out.

Shit… You fucking hate your landlord.

You glance around your room - you are not doing this with your door unlocked. You grew up with half a dozen siblings and strict parents - you know how to improvise. Grabbing the circular chair piled with clothes, you push it to the door and force the metal under your door knob. Hands on your hips, you nod at the handiwork.

Good enough.

Snatching up your phone, you frown, kicking away most of your discarded clothes and random papers.You really need to clean your room, but you decide you’d do it later.

Right now, you have other priorities.

Said priority seems to know just when you sit down, the telegram notification lighting up your screen as if you’ve summoned him by pure thought alone. Think of the devil…

1:46 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Having trouble?”

“ No. All good now. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:46 PM

1:46 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Get a marker.”

You frown, then glance at your backpack. You trot over and search through it, tossing a few pens and your pencil case in frustration.

In the end you find a single purple sharpie.

You click open your phone.

“ Does the color matter? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:46 PM

1:46 PM - WebRigger2099 - “No. It just needs to be visible on your skin.”

“ Kay. Got it then. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:46 PM

1:46 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Take your clothes off. Bra and panties can stay on.”

You glance up at your phone and stare at yourself in the mirror.

Your hair is a bit of a mess - that’s fine.

You glance at your sleep shirt, it’s old and the hem is frayed on the sleeves, the little bunny screen printed onto it is mostly faded. You knew you weren’t wearing a bra, so you glanced around your room till you spotted one laying limply on the floor. Tossing off your top and discarding it wherever it landed.

Pulling the bra on, you take a deep breath, glancing at yourself again in the mirror. You feel yourself hesitating. You’ve taken nudes before, what about this makes it different?

Web makes it different. Him telling you to take these for him makes it different. You slip off your shorts and realize you’re wet. Your cheeks burn with embarrassment.

Still, your phone is in your hand again, you flick it open and type away.

“Kay.” - Fawnteeth - 1:50 PM

1:50 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Where is my proof, Fawn? I told you to take pictures. Are you trying to get punished?”

You bite your lip.

“ No. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:50 PM

You need your face mask - the one you wore in all your photos is easy to find. You wrap the thing around your nose and mouth. You know you’re going to crop out your face anyway, but it makes you feel better.

Like you’re pretending to be someone else. You supposed you aren’t you anymore - you’re Fawn. Fawn doesn’t struggle with nudes. Fawn takes great nudes.

You glance at yourself in the mirror. You end up trying a few poses, trying to not put emphasis on your long legs or stomach rolls. You settle on your knees - back slightly arched, one hand splayed on your thigh. Not too lewd.

You snap the photo, shifting your body a bit as you take another. The routine continues a few more times before you pause to look at the photos.

You decide the second one is the best. You move to crop as much of the background out as you can, including your face. Wisps of your hair remain around your neck but that’s fine. Whatever. Good enough.

You hesitate for a moment, finger lingering on the send button.

What if he doesn’t like it? What if he decides he doesn’t like you? You cringe at the thought. You send the photo and close your phone instantly.

[photo] - Fawnteeth - 1:55 PM

You hear it ping and slowly click the screen back on.

1:52 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Good girl. Has anyone told you you’re beautiful today, Fawn?”

You blush.

“ Now someone has. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:52 PM

1:52 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Write it on yourself. We wouldn’t want you to forget if I’m busy and can’t tell you tomorrow morning.”

“ Okay. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:55 PM

You take a deep breath, grabbing the purple sharpie from beside your knee. Biting down on the cap, you frown, glancing over the expanse of skin thoughtfully.

How the hell do you write backwards…. You’ll flip the image before you send it.

It’s embarrassing how long you pause, you stare at the pen and your skin. You come to the sad realization this is the first time a man has called you beautiful like… ever.

You’re smart enough to realize he’s trying to build you up. God, he knows what he’s doing, doesn’t he?

You settle with scribbling the world carefully onto your right thigh. You don’t use the mirror for the photo this time, taking it directly.

[photo] - Fawnteeth - 1:55 PM

1:55 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Again.”

You consider asking him where. After considering for a moment, you scribble ‘beautiful’ on your other thigh. It’s not huge and written towards your knee, but it’s readable.

[photo] - Fawnteeth - 1:56 PM

1:56 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Keep going.”

You wonder where - not your thighs again you decide. After some effort you manage to scribble it carefully above your panty waistband, crawling from your hip and across your stomach.

This time you have to use the mirror. You settle back into that kneeling pose and take a few shots.

You pick the favorite, flipping it so the text can actually be read. You crop it again, cutting off your shoulders and part of your arm.

[photo] - Fawnteeth - 1:57 PM

1:57 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Good. That’s enough.”

“ Here I expected something lewd. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:57 PM

1:57 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Now pull your panties to the side and show me your pussy.”

Your cunt throbs, making your thighs snap together. He isn’t even talking, it it’s words on a fucking screen . It’s unfair how effortlessly arousing Web is.

You could say no. You don’t think he’d be upset if you said no. He had spoken a dozen times over about consent in the past week, reaffirming to you that if you thought it was too much that you were welcome to say so. All it took was you typing yellow or red.

You don’t.

“ Mkay. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:58 PM

You end up sitting back on your ass, legs apart. You see the dark mark on your panties in between your legs. You almost shutter pulling the cloth aside. You feel your slickness on your fingers and wipe it away with your inner thigh.

You see yourself through your phone, legs spread and the hints of the words written on your thighs make you freeze.

You settle with closing your eyes to take the picture. You don’t crop it this time - but your face is still missing from the shot regardless. Just a hint of the black cloth over your chin. Your face is warm both from your cheeks and your breath now.

You click send and wait patiently for his reply.

[photo] - Fawnteeth - 1:58 PM

It comes instantly.

1:58 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Now shove the marker inside.”

Your eyes widen.

1:58 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Take a picture so I can see all the writing and the marker inside you.”

You grab the top of the marker and cap it, flipping it in your fingers.

“ I’ll try. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:59 PM

The marker is cold. You cringe as you press it against your overheated pussy, flinching as you run it along your opening. After a deep breath you slip it into your opening. You couldn’t exactly feel it - it was more like your fingers.

You’ve never bought a toy, knowing your roommates would rip the package open to see what you ordered, nosy as they are, and it’s not like you could order it to your childhood home. There are some things even you know better than to do.

Slowly, you kneel again, your hips up in the air as you see the small white and purple thing in between your thighs.

The last time you took a nude was before college. You chickened out of sending it to your boyfriend at the time. Now you’re just thankful you never got to second base with him.

You take the picture, eyes closed again. Like that somehow made what you were doing more modest and less slutty.

Is it slutty? It’s not like you’re sending it to anyone but Web. But also… who is Web?

[photo] - Fawnteeth - 2:02 PM

2:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “ Good girl. I’m posting this as an album on my page for everyone to see. I’ll blur the background for your privacy, and you already have your mask on.”

“ I thought this was supposed to be practice? :’c ” - Fawnteeth - 2:03 PM

You slip the marker from yourself and put your panties back on correctly. You cringe at the cold wetness.

2:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I find it best to practice by doing.”

“ I guess that makes sense. It’s the first time I’ve sent that to anyone on here. Can you keep the one with my crotch in it private? ” - Fawnteeth - 2:03 PM

2:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You did good. Lighting and the perfect background are nice, but it's not realistic. Not everyone has perfectly angled windows and lamps to make shots. This is raw. Vulnerable. And yes, I can keep those two private.”

“ Thanks. My room is kinda a mess… You’re nice, Web. ” - Fawnteeth - 2:03 PM

2:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Just respectful, and not that much. You have low bars, Fawn. Careful someone doesn’t take advantage of them.”

“ You haven’t. ” - Fawnteeth - 2:03 PM

2:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You just shoved a marker up your cunt for me without even questioning it.”

“ I think you’d be fine if I had said no. When do I get to see it? ” - Fawnteeth - 2:04 PM

2:04 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I suppose you earned it.”

His hands are huge, his chest is broad and clearly the same guy in the photo… and…

Your eyes widen at his dick. The sweatpants bulge in his profile pic is a fucking beast. You had asked him how long it was before, shyly, and he said eight inches. Sheepishly, you told yourself you’d fetch a ruler to see what that would be like in person.

You’d been too nervous to follow through.

He’s wide, too, his log-like member swollen with arousal. The dark brown skin fades to a milder tan as your eyes finally leave his bulge, trailing up the muscular torso. You swear you see a bead of sweat running down his abs, but you realize that it's yours .

You’re sweating, forehead moist, wiping away the rest with a glide of the back of your hand.

Like all the pictures he had of himself in his gallery, the picture cuts off at the beginning of his neck. This one also cuts off near the knees at the bottom.

“ Jesus christ. ” - Fawnteeth - 2:07 PM

“ Did I do that?. ” - Fawnteeth - 2:07 PM

2:07 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Would you be proud of yourself if you did?”

“ I’d feel special. ” - Fawnteeth - 2:07 PM

2:08 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You’re special, Fawn. Do you know what I would do if you were in front of me right now?”

You sink on your thighs as his words. ‘You’re special’ makes you almost tear up. You’re absolutely charmed by him.

Slowly, you lay on the floor, hovering your phone above your face. It’s hard not to grin, chewing your lip red as you think over your reply.

“ No, can you tell me? ” - Fawnteeth - 2:08 PM

You feel accomplished at that. You’re being so smooth and cool.

You wait patiently, crossing your legs and bouncing one of them in the air.

He doesn’t reply. You feel sweat gathering at the back of your neck. You move from lounging casually to sat cross legged before your mirror. You debate sending another message.

You do not send another message - that would make you look desperate, and you are definitely not desperate. That has to be a massive turnoff anyways - after all, he knows what he’s doing, he’s incredibly attractive and hung. He’s probably so sure of himself. Pestering him would just annoy him.

It isn’t even five minutes you wait before you decide to do anything but stare at your phone. You change into loose pajama pants and toss your shamefully wet panties into the laundry hamper.

You’re halfway through cleaning your room when you hear it.

Your phone pings and, embarrassingly, you drop the bra you were holding to rush for your bed. Feeling like a kid on christmas, your fingers shake as you punch in your passcode and pull up the notification.

2:15 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I’m sorry. I have to go for a few hours.”

Your stomach sinks. You think you might be sick.

“ Oh. Okay. ” - Fawnteeth - 2:15 PM

2:15 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I can message you again tonight after 8.”

“ I’ll hold you to that. ” - Fawnteeth - 2:15 PM

Okay. It isn’t your fault, right? Something’s very clearly up with his life.

Frowning, you force yourself take a deep breath to calm yourself.

You investigate his picture, his bedroom is neat and simple. It’s clearly not a hotel room - it’s got some personal cozy touches and you can see some brick outside the window behind his shoulder. The sheets are messy and the blankets are mismatched. He’s probably just some normal guy, maybe he works in an office and just likes his body.

And… bondage.

Y’know - average weird secret pervert things. Hopefully he isn’t married . You didn’t see a ring on either of his hands or even an indent from one he might have taken off for the photos.

Your eyes eventually drift to the marker discarded on your floor, the end still slick. If he was some kind of weird pervert, what does that just make you?

You look down at your stomach and the small ‘beautiful’ written carefully on it. You need to take a shower and get this off.

You sneak through the house with a change of clothes and your nice shampoo you don’t share with anyone. Your house has one bathroom with a half decent shower, technically being a 2 ½ bath house.

You don’t like the other bathroom that Kore and Babette mostly use. It only has a bathtub - the shower head doesn’t work.

You hop in the shower and are horrified at your discovery. It’s not coming off. The writing doesn’t come off with the dove soap or Aurora’s washing puff. Not even scratching it with your nails does anything but vaguely fade it.

Great.

You try your best to not freak out. You’ll dress like it’s winter until you can wash it off your skin. You should have asked Web if you should use a sharpie.

You wash your hair and dry off the best you can. Thankfully, your loose shorts and loose t-shirt hide the marks as long as you don't let the shorts ride up your thighs too much.

You return to your room and move your chair back into its place. You don’t have work today and you can hear the movement that told you one of your roomies had just gotten home.

Your stomach growls.

You’re hungry - three meals, you remind yourself, Web always somewhere close to the front of your mind. Technically this would your first meal, you did just wake up and… fuck. Anxiously, you tug down your pajama shorts. Lesson learned, that shit doesn’t come off in the shower. You make a note to ask Web for a marker to get that does wash off.

You find yourself questioning why some random faceless man on the internet is the motivation you have to take care of yourself. Shaking away the thought, you explore the tiny freezer stuffed with mostly frozen chicken nuggets. You frown, debating ordering takeout again. You settle on boiling noodles and smothering them in pesto and salt.

You head out to the living room - the room is eternally cluttered like the rest of your college house. The ceiling light doesn’t work, so you and your roomies had hung fairy lights everywhere. The drapes are pulled back to let light in - the lesbian flag with markiplier’s face on it in full display to the whole neighborhood. Four couches meant you had plenty of space to sit, falling in the far corner from the only other person in the room - Aurora.

The bubbly blonde is chomping away at her food, phone propped up on the stained coffee table as some sort of video plays. You eat while listening to something about a person named ‘illuminaughty’.

Aurora looked up from her bowl of fruit loops from the couch, she smiled through a mouthful, cheeks as stuffed as a chipmunk. "Mornin'!" she grinned, never one for table manners.

She wiped her mouth with the back of her arm, "You slept in late."

Her eyes looked you up and down, a perfectly tweezed eyebrow raising to look at your leg. "Were you drawing on yourself?"

You looked down, a purple "L" in sharpie just barely poking out of your shorts. You feel a chill go down your spine. You are fucking mortified.

"Uh...yeah," you say quickly, your brain scrambling for a moment to make up some lie. You couldn't just confess that you'd written on yourself and shoved the marker up your pussy just because a man you didn't even know the name of told you too. "Got bored last night, y'know."

Aurora shrugs, thankfully dropping the subject as she turns her attention back to her bowl of sugar cereal.

You promptly get, desperately pretending that she didn’t notice your sexy leg writing, and power walk to your bedroom. It takes effort to not slam the door.

You stay in your room for the rest of the day because you sure as fuck aren’t hanging around your roomies now. Aurora would question you again - it’s Aurora, and you can’t exactly explain away wearing long pants in June.

So you break out your laptop and watch Delicious in Dungeon. You always have a habit of marathoning random shows on Netflix and it passes the time better than staring at the wall, waiting for Web to message you.

You got popcorn as a snack, maybe you’d eat weird monster food too. Senshi does make it look delicious. You chuckle, realizing the name matches.

Hours passed and the sun is barely setting before you consider taking a nap.

8:00 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Hello Fawn.”

You sit up and snatch your phone up at the ping.

“ Hey. Everything good? ” - Fawnteeth - 8:00 PM

8:00 PM - WebRigger2099 - “It’s fine, just a sudden schedule change. Things moved up quicker than I expected, but I should be done for the night.”

“ Okay. Well… You never answered my question, Web. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:01 PM

“ Also. How do I get sharpie off my skin. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:01 PM

8:01 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Oh Fawn…”

“ I thought I could scrub it off, if I’m honest. I figured… you.. might… know… ” - Fawnteeth - 8:02 PM

8:02 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I do, but maybe I should let you keep it on until it fades normally. A lesson to be more careful. Better this than something more serious.”

“ I should have figured as much. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:02 PM

8:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I’m just glad you didn’t shove it deeper. You can’t put things inside without a flare, it’ll get stuck. I didn’t realize I needed to explain things like that to you, but I know better now.”

“ I know that. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:03 PM

8:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “But not that permanent markers are hard to remove.”

“ Yes. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:03 PM

8:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Fawn you are delightfully foolish.”

“ I’m glad you enjoy my suffering. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:03 PM

8:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I enjoy your happiness too.”

“ You’re good with words. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:03 PM

8:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Better with my hands, but you’ll learn that later.”

“ I’ll make sure to keep that in mind. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:04 PM

“ Well. Now that I’ve made myself a fool, I hope I haven’t turned you off. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:04 PM

8:04 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Hardly. I believe we left off before at ‘what I would do to you if I was there’.”

“ Thank you for mentioning it so.. I didn’t have to bring it up again. I’m still quite curious. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:04 PM

8:04 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You remember the picture I sent you?”

“ I do. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:04 PM

8:04 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I want you to order something. I’ll pay, naturally, but I figure it would be more comfortable if I didn’t know your address so quickly.”

“ Yeah. I think that would take some time. A toy? ” - Fawnteeth - 8:04 PM

8:05 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I have a list. Run away with the money and you won’t hear my answer.”

“ I won’t. But are you sure you want to invest anything in me yet? ” - Fawnteeth - 8:05 PM

8:05 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You’ve invested at least 3 days in me with that marker.”

“ True enough. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:05 PM

8:06 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I’m comfortable financially. This isn’t the hit it might be for a girl your age. You’ve earned some nice things.”

“ Oh. I see. Thank you. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:06 PM

8:06 PM - WebRigger2099 - “No using them without my permission, understood?”

“ Understood, sir. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:06 PM

He sends you the link to an adult website. Your cheeks flush as your screen is filled with all sorts of sex toys and other lewd imagery. Your eyes flicker to your door for a moment, anxiety simmering low in your belly as the thought of someone walking into your room and seeing what you were looking at flashes through your mind. You bite your lip, feeling like a nervous teenager under your father’s roof once again.

You notice that the cart has been pre filled with a number of items: A 6 inch silicone dildo; a Lovense egg vibrator; nipple clamps; a rabbit vibrator; a bottle of water-based lube; and a set of black lingerie that matches your face mask.

Your eyes linger on the cart total. That’s more than your paycheck .

“ You sure? ” - Fawnteeth - 8:09 PM

8:09 PM - WebRigger2099 - “If I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t have sent you the link. There is a gift card code: HGJ-8734-KHW. It’ll cover the expenses and leave a little extra for you to browse and select one or two items that catch your interest.”

“ Okay. Thank you. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:09 PM

8:10 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You’re welcome, Fawn. I take care of my pets.”

#miguel spiderverse #miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099 #atsv miguel #miguel x reader #miguel ohara #into the spider verse #miguel o'hara smut

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gougarfem · 2 years ago

Note

how was the process of getting a dumbphone!

oh my god this is something i'm so excited to talk about, sorry it took me so many months to respond!

getting a dumbphone improved my quality of life so so much. i knew my screentime was high, but didn't realise it was a genuine psychological addiction until i quit. the first few days were extremely rough. time seemed to pass about ten times slower, and i was forced to fill the hours with various hobbies and activities. i know we all love to tell people to touch grass, but i really did have to connect with nature and it did wonders for my mental health.

i think for the first three days i was constantly restless and horribly irritable, looked around for my phone every few minutes, felt intense boredom and even cried a few times lol. your addiction may not be as extreme as mine was and this varies from person to person. however, after about a week i realised i remembered everything i'd done each day, because it was filled with intentional activities and little moments of peace rather than a blur of scrolling. i also wasn't on adhd meds yet, which is something i'll talk about in another post.

not having everything at your fingertips is uncomfortable, but (and it's a cliche) you really start to appreciate the world around you more. i looked forward to spending time with my family, because it filled time and i wasn't half-involved in my phone the entire time. i use an mp3 player to listen to music, and uploading music to it is a meaningful and interesting activity, rather than just shuffling a playlist. i listen to whole albums instead of being flooded with dopamine from spotify firing recommended songs at me. i appreciate music more, i make CDs for friends, i have to be intentional in discovering new artists and music. if i'm having an interesting conversation online, i look forward to going home and logging onto my laptop to continue it. i don't spend my commute, time in class, or time with friends texting somebody else. everything feels more intentional, spaced out, and interesting, even the things i do online.

i also found i stopped performing in every activity i did. i stopped thinking about whether i could post it to instagram or instantly send a picture in a discord server. i started picking up new hobbies for myself, not for an online audience, and living in the moment more. this is really important in the modern age, although again uncomfortable.

the best part was how my connections with others increased through having a dumbphone. i started calling friends rather than messaging on five platforms at once, and they started reciprocating. my message threads are continuous, coherent conversations, rather than sending memes. people realised they have to intentionally reach out to me, and i lost relationships with people who weren't interested in that, but strengthened connections with people who did put in the effort (many of whom i barely talked to in the past). i give people my phone number, not my social media handle, and they actually start conversations with me rather than hitting follow. i get to hear my friends' voices when they have drama to share and realise it takes me forever to type on my flip phone keyboard. again, everything is intentional, takes time, and richer than when i had a smartphone.

i genuinely would recommend it to absolutely everyone (i've kind of become like a crossfit guy in telling people to get a dumbphone lol). i won't pretend it's easy, and most people make excuses - for the first few months of having a dumbphone, i was bedbound or in hospital, and truly relied on online connections to pass time and communicate. it still hugely improved my life. however, no matter your situation there are always, always better options than scrolling an app, and you deserve to pass your time in a memorable way. i think most people don't realise they're addicted/reliant on smartphones, and the idea of quitting is horribly uncomfortable, but at least for me, the benefits were worth it.

i'm happy to answer any questions, i literally could talk about this topic for hours (even if it's stuff like "how would i use x app" "how would i replace x smartphone function").

ditch your smartphone babe, u deserve better <33

#asks #hystericelle #dumbphone #phone addiction

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amorexic · 9 months ago

Text

Million Dollar Man

leon kennedyid! (or or di) x femreader!

tag: sugar daddy! -but he doesn't pays cause he sucks- call sex! praising! also I would say feeling used...?and I think that would be it...

wc: 4.2k

note: uhm this is my first ever try so like if it's bad don't go after me... also he is kinda a douche bag and the situation is something that actually happened to me... -not all but i got inspiration from my life events cause it is that interesting, it sucks -

03:14

“Great…” You mutter to yourself as you see the blinding red lights of your alarm clock. It shines as if it was making fun out of you. You should really pull your shit together.

You look at it slowly calculating (you weren't quite a genius) how much time you had left to go on that stupid job interview. “You should really get a job, it's not that hard.” Everybody says, but they don't really get it. Yes, you want to get a job, and everytime anyone asks you about it it just makes you want to crawl your skin off. But of course you just flash a soft smile and say: “I've been working on it.” Bullshit. But who cares? You don't and no one should either.

You breathe softly trying to fall asleep. Inhale…Exhale…Inhale… “This doesn't work.” You try some more. Inhale…Exhale… You give up and roll around the bed to go and get your phone.

03:27.You see as you turn it on, once again the numbers just look like they are mocking you, who wouldn't? You browse around your phone. Instagram, as soon as you click on it you are getting out. Twitter, aww cute cat pic, “Same bestie same” you comment under a post of a girl you don't really know but you are moots with her or whatever. Tumblr, the writer you like hasn't posted anything, you log out.

You sigh softly, as your rotting brain thinks of something entertaining to do. Right then you remember you and your supposedly best friend (she probably hates you, everyone does) logged into some sketchy local “Findmeasugardaddy.com” type of web.

You try to log in. Error, the password inserted does not match up with the email address provided.“What was the damn password…” You say talking to yourself as if it was going to help you in something. You try again, entering successfully this time. You try to figure out how to see your profile, you surprisingly do it in no time.

“sillyprinc3ss18” Wow. You think to yourself, you look at the profile picture, your friend convinced you to upload one of your selfies. “Girl, you should put one of your pics. Bet that would attract more old men.” To be fair, you were quite a cutie, not much tits but a desirable ass.

Sadly you fucked up any chance with any guy, when you opened your mouth. You were weird, creepy even, (no offense) as pretty as you were you couldn't really bag any guy. So you reluctantly accepted after she insisted on it for a little.

You decide that that's enough of examining your profile as you read your bio: “8teen girl who isn't scared of being a little naughty…” Gosh I suck, you think to yourself. “Gosh I suck.” You say out loud this time, trying to express your feelings I guess.

You click on another page, “Hm… IM’s.” You say clicking on it, slightly nervous cause you really didn't know what to expect. Well unfortunately or by surprise… 0.

“0…? I thought desperate older men were here.” You say quite hurt by it. Not even a desperate old cranky man wants you? That's pathetic, but guess what's pathetic too? Exactly, you! You are pathetic really.

As you start to have an inner monologue as if you'll ever die a virgin or you should become a nun and embrace your fate, a red dot comes up in the IM section. You look at it for at least 5 seconds, blink a few times, just making sure this wasn't an hallucination from lack of sleep. Ok, so there's probably a mildly ugly old man who wants to chat with you. You balance your options and sort them out. Option 1, you open the IM and answer the guy who could be your father. Option 2, you ignore the IM, turn off your phone and be a responsible adult and sleep to not be a zombie on your job interview. Option 3, jerk off at the thought of an older man wanting to chat with you. (Hey I don't blame you! You have a terrible dad.)

You consider your options. “Hey maybe he's cute” you think to yourself, to be honest you always had a thing for men who could barely pull a hard on. You click on the red dot. “L3onK77 wants to text you. Accept the request?”

“Yes” “No”

You stare at the two options, slightly grateful at the double questioning the page is putting you through. You take a big breath and click on “Yes”

“- Hi there sweetheart. How are you?”

Wow, “sweetheart”... You would confront him on the pet name but you know better and to be fair an old guy calling you sweetheart makes you a little a horny… More than you would like to admit.

“- uhm… hi. i'm fine a little bored tbh.”

Not more than 10 seconds pass before a text pops up on your phone screen.

“- What a pity. Maybe I could entertain you a little, what do you say angel?”

“Angel” Wow. Just wow, you dirty little whore, your panties are getting wet just by the thought of it. You stare at the message for some time, enough time to make the older man type another text.

“- Guess that was pretty straightforward, sorry if I came out that strong. Let me just take it to the point and give you a preposition.”

Some seconds pass and he sends another message.

“- Since you are on this website I'll make it straight and easy. Would you be interested in becoming a sugar baby? Mine to be exact.”

Wow, thought maybe he was going to ask for nudes but he wants to pay you for just being pretty.

“- i don't know really… why would you want to do that in the first place?”

“- Cause I think you are damn cute. And would love to have a pretty little thing under my care.”

You are blushing. Oh my god, he is smooth. Should be named L3onK007, cause he is smooth as a spy.

“- i don't know :s what would I have to do in order to become your sugar baby…”

Tried to not seem so eager, but you were 2 seconds from becoming a gymnastics gold medal athlete from how many backflips you were about to do.

“- Glad you ask. Well it's really easy, you just have to give me your attention and loyalty. Can you do that for me angel?”

“- sure, seems like a good deal.”

You answer almost instantly, gosh you were such a whore for male attention, for any attention really.

“- Good girl. I'm Leon, but you shall call me Daddy. How would you like me to call you?"

“Leon…” You say out loud as soon as you see it on your screen. That's a nice name. “Is it moanable?” You ask yourself, will have to check later if an opportunity takes place.

“- uhm my name is [ ]… but you can just call me princess ig.”

“- Nice to meet you [ ]. And how old are you if you let me ask?”

“- just turned 18 like a month ago… what about you?”

You kind of panic when he doesn't answer right away. “Gosh I should have lied about my age… He probably thinks I'm a brat and a- Oh! He answered back!”

“- 18? Well you are just a baby aren't ya’ ? Happy late birthday then sweetheart. And answering your question, I just turned 47 some days ago. On the 31 to be more exact.”

Forty-fucking-seven. Forty seven years. Four. Seven. Holy shit, if you are lucky he’ll still have some hair on his scalp.

“- oh… happy late birthday too ig! could i ask you something tho?”

“- Sure thing sweetheart, ask till your little heart's content.”

“- could i see what you look like? im really curious…”

You type nervously, could never give love to an ugly man. You could be dumb, but not stupid.

“ - Well I guess you haven't seen my profile, cause I have my photo on there.”

Shit, now he thinks you are stupid too. You quickly go to his profile, close your eyes as you wait for his profile to load up. You stay some seconds with your eyes closed, you give up and tentatively open one of them. And holy heavens! The guy is a total babe, could be an American sweetheart and everything. You look at the profile pic, a photo of him with a fish he just catched. Total dad vibe. Gosh you hit the jackpot! Rich, hot, dilf. (Could be a Lana Del Rey song really) You look at it for about a minute more, his message pops up. Okay girl, you got to lock in.

“ - you are very good looking :3”

“ - Well thank you. But you are quite a sight for sore eyes darling ;).”

Holy shit! You have it in the bag girl. Now all you have to do is sit still and be pretty. “Don't fuck it up!” You think, and oh boy, if you fumble this up you could never forgive yourself, might as well kill yourself!

“- and… how are we going to this…? i mean this website is kind of shitty :/”

“- Yeah you are right princess. Here.”

“- (XXX)XXX-XXX.

“- That's my number, add me and we will talk about it.

Yeah if you fumble this you are definitely going to kill yourself. You quickly open your messages app and insert the number he just gave you with trembling thumbs. You triple check the number just in case. You add the contact as “Leon Sugar”.

“ - hii ^w^ it's me [ ]”

After no more than two seconds he answers. He is maybe eager for this too.

“- Hi baby. Wanna call?”

Right then your world just froze. Holy fucking shit. This guy is really being serious, and you can't do anything to prevent an unhealthy attachment that is taking place right fucking now.

“- uhh, hold on…"

“- Okay baby, just tell me when.”

Not just a minute passes when you text back.

“- okay im ready!”

Just as you hit send he calls you, you panic, a stab to the heart could have got a lower squeal out of you. You pick up after a few tones.

“Hi…?”

He immediately speaks, holy fuck his voice! Cult leader type of voice, deep and smooth like the purest silk from god knows where…You remain silent for some seconds.

“You there?”

“Sweetheart?”

You almost moan to the sound of his voice. Gosh, pull it together.

“Sorry… I just panicked for a while.” You say in a soft voice. You thank the heavens above that he can't see your face right now.

“Well aren't ya’ a sweet little thing?” He lets out a deep and rich chuckle, striking directly to your heart, and from your heart to your cunt. “Do I make ya’ nervous…? Is that why?” He says in a teasing voice.

“A little…” You admit with a slight crack on your voice.

“And why is that?” He asks right back, his voice somehow lowering at least an octave.

“I-I don't know… Cause I've never done anything like this at all…” You answer, thinking before you speak for once in your life, impressive.

“How can a pretty girl like ya’ never be pampered huh…? Next thing ya’ goin’ to say is that you never kissed anyone.” He speaks in the same tone as earlier. It was making you melt, transforming your brain into a mushy pink paste with glitter (cause let's face it, you certainly do not have many brain cells.)

“Uhm…” Damn he got you, bet he thinks you are a weirdo.

“...” A long silence stumbles upon the call. “You kiddin’?” He says after a few seconds.

“No… Daddy.” You say making a big pause before you call him like he asked to be called some minutes earlier, “Gosh it feels so weird…” You think to yourself.

“Well isn't that lovely? He says with a lighthearted chuckle. “So that makes ya’ a virgin too huh…?” He teases you again.

“...” Your silence says it all.

“Well sweetheart, let me tell ya’ that you shouldn't be embarrassed of it.” He says as he could sense your emotions through the call.

“But it's still embarrassing… You probably think that I'm a weirdo. No guy ever calls me back after a first date, they think I'm weird.” You say with a deep sadness in your voice.

“Well maybe ya’ are so weird cause ya’ just the peak of beauty, darling. Let me tell ya’, I wouldn't even care if you shot me I'll still be interested in ya’,.” Gosh he sounds like a Dad. Bet you aren't the only one calling him daddy.

You stay silent for a moment, his words sinking into the back of your brain. Maybe he was right.

“Hey, I have an idea.” He says as you think about what he had just said. “What about if we do a video call…? Maybe we can both loosen up.” He asks, his voice turning into a teasing flirty tone, leaving back the lighthearted voice he just spoke with.

Yeah no shit. This is really doing a 180° on your life. Your mind tries to run with all the possibilities you can think of, like one and a half to be exact.

“Uhm… Okay. Just wait a minute…” You say with a little bit of panic in your voice. “Gotta tidy my room a little…”

“Sure honey. Just tell me when ‘kay…?” He says with a voice that could make even a dentist have cavities.

You quickly incorporate yourself and look at the clock on your nightstand. “4:02” You say just loud enough for you to hear it. You run to the bathroom and inspect yourself in the mirror. “I can't put on makeup… Who could believe I look like that at 4 A.M…”. You slip your panties down and sit on the toilet, you look at the cute pair of panties as you take a quick piss. “I should wear a push-up bra… He won't notice…”. You quickly pace to your bed once again.

“Leo-” You stop yourself ashamed. “I mean… Daddy.” You say as you try to get him to give you his attention.

“Ya’ done baby…?” He says in a silky voice, somehow making him sound even hotter.

“Uhm… Yeah…” You say quickly putting on a push-up bra and a clean skimpy tank top. The ruffling of the clothes being heard by him.

“Ya’ undressin’ for me or somethin’ baby…?” He teases with a chuckle as low as a thunder.

“Uh- N-no…” You answer immediately with a soft yelp. “I was just changing into something more comfortable…"

Right then your phone begins to ring again. “Leon Sugar wants to video call you. Accept?” You see on your phone along with a bright green button. You bite your lip nervously and finally push the button for the video call to pull through. You quickly turn off your camera as you wait for it to connect.

After some seconds you see him. A little bit rougher than the photo but still good enough to eat. He moves his phone sideways so you could see him better. Wearing a dark blue rob that did nothing to cover his chest really, he had more tits than you, ouch. “Sweetheart?” He says placing his phone somewhere so it could stand on his own. “I can't see ya’ baby…” He says furrowing his brows as he looks closer to the screen of his phone.

You look around making sure there's nothing embarrassing to be ashamed of, no panties or plushies on the camera frame, alright.

“Uhm… Just a second my wifi is kind of bad…” You say as you look last time in a mirror that was in your room. You hesitantly look at the camera button, you click it and a small loading bubble appears, the camera is now on.

A soft whistle can be heard from the other side of the line. “Wow…” He says in a soft voice, a smirk plastered on his chiseled face. “Now I'm really curious about ya’…” He says looking unashamedly at the small part of cleavage you were kindly showing just for him. “Ya’ said ya’ changed for me… huh?” He's starting to sound like a frat boy now…

While he was talking you were more focused on how you looked on the camera. “Uhm.. Yeah.” You say shyly batting unconsciously your lashes. “My pajamas weren't a great option, y’know…?” You realize how your voice becomes more high-pitched, candied almost. You realize you are smiling foolishly in the camera, you stop and lock in. “So about the money-”

“Oh yeah the money…” He looks like he just discovered the cure for cancer. “How much would ya’ want your allowance to be…?” Is he really saying this? Might as well bankrupt him just by being pretty.

“Oh…” You say with your pretty lips forming a perfect circle. “Well I don't know really…” You say with a surprised look plastered on your face. “How much would you be willing to give me…?”

“How much do ya’ want? Name it, and I'll give you… until my last penny angel.” He says with a smug grin on his face.

“Uhm… Is 500 a lot…?” You ask, biting your lip nervously. “I really don't know… I'm sure I'm asking too much for just company and loyalty-”

“Ya’ got it, 500 weekly.” He says with a cheeky smile, almost endearing if it wasn't because you just met the guy and he's literally paying for your company.

“...500…1000…1500…” You count in your airy head. “Uhm isn't that quite a lot for a month…? That's more than the average check…”

“Well princesses need a lot of money to survive don't they…? To buy frilly dresses and pretty panties-”

“That's still too much money… Daddy…” Calling that it's still so unnatural, like giving a monkey mom a kitten to care for. “I meant like per month or so…” You say to him while looking elsewhere than the phone camera.

“Don't be silly, princess…” He says giving a soft sigh to the world. “Like I said- I want to take care of ya’, provide for ya’… To pamper ya” really. Treat ya’ like the princess ya’ are!” Whilst he was saying a monologue typical of a 40’s husband when his wife wanted to have a job, you were way too busy looking at his tits-

Oh my god… He may have double D’s. “Baby…?” He says snapping you out of your titty world.

“Uh… Yeah…?” You say blinking the nasty thoughts away, you doe eyes looking even more dolly than before. “Sorry I got distracted- So it will be 2 grand a month…?” You say trying to change the topic.

“That's right. Gonna spoil ya’ rotten darlin’.” He answers with a triumphant smile.

“But that's like, a ton of money… Like a TON.” You say with a soft frown looking at the total babe, *uhum*, handsome man that was on your screen.

“Daddy works for giving his little girl what she needs baby, to pamper her and spoil her, I've already said that honey.” He says growing rather irritated by your constant questioning.

“Yes I know it's just- I can't really conceive the idea of being paid just cause I'm pretty… It's like cheating! I feel like an imposter…” Doe eyes batting through the camera making his heart stop, then the tension went to his brain and then to his cock. Oopsies!

“Princess…” He says in a soft voice, almost like he was telling her daughter there wasn't any monster under her bed. “I know this is new…” Suddenly he stops talking, presumably thinking about something, soon after he speaks again. “Well maybe ya’ can do somethin’ for me…”

Your lost gaze that wandered around your room like you've never seen it before comes back to the screen quickly. “Yeah…?” You ask rather skeptical of what he was about to propose.

“When was the last time ya’ touched your princess bits, sweetheart…?” He says without mincing words. “Uhm…” You freeze, ok didn't think he would ask that wow… You wait a little before answering his bold question. “I-I don't really remember it…” You are such a liar! You were literally humping your pillow before deciding it was time to go to sleep. You quickly look at the right corner of your phone, 4:29. “You know it's kind of late and tomorrow I have a job interview…”

“Oh it won't be long princess… I just want to guide ya’…” He coos lovingly at her with a mellow voice. “I want ya’, to touch for me darling… Let me talk ya’ through it m’kay…?” As much embarrassing this seems to you, you can't help but want to please him. “What do ya’ say angel…?” You just nod frantically as you slide your panties down. He sees you shift in your position. “Show Daddy your panties darlin’, show to the camera how cute they are, hmm…?”

As soon as you had slided them off your dripping cunnie you show them to him, light blue with a bow at the front, cute, but what caught his attention was the visible wet patch it had formed. He whistles softly. “Ya’ got wet even without doing dirty talk baby…Your kitty is so good darling… I can smell it from here.” He says with a charming frat jock smile, you could bet your soul he was one in his teen years, but anyways. “Now use your pretty fingers and circle your nub, you know where that is hmm..?” He asks you as he was asking a dog if he was a good boy. You nod softly. “I knew you would, my smart girl…” He says while slowly palming himself through the thin fabric of his pajama trousers. You start letting out soft whimpers, catching his attention every time while he was trying to focus on himself. “Can ya’ show daddy your princess parts darlin’...?” You stop your motion looking directly into your phone camera. “Ya’ didn't like that huh…” He says with a sour chuckle. “Well don't worry darlin’, ya’ don't have to show me anything ya’ aren't comfortable with, ok princess…?” You just nod shyly and kept moving your fingers.

“Fit one of them in, c’mon baby…” He says with now, his cock out, but out of view from the camera of course, he's a gentleman after all! As he sees your face contorting -your puffy lips in a soft pout and your brows furrowed while you looked shyly at him through the device- he begins to pump his length up and down, just like he knows he likes. Your soft whimpers feeding his ego, therefore making his blood pump more and more to his brain below the waist. He just closes his eyes for a moment, the next second he opens them he is cumming non-stop to your airy moans and mewls. Guess he isn't the stallion he used to be in his twenties, gosh even thirties…

He looks at the time 4:52. He grunts softly, cleaning his hand on the side of the rob he was wearing. “Baby…” He says in a husky voice, making you stop, just when you were about to reach the peak! “Y-yes Daddy…?” You say slowing down your finger pumping. “I-I gotta go sweetie… It's late and I have a big money meeting tomorrow… okay?” You completely stop, was he literally telling you to fuck off cause he already cummed…? No, but you are overreacting in your mind, feeling so used and not even getting a reward out of it. But you just softly smile and say “It's alright, I understand it…” You say with a fake soft voice. “I knew you would understand it sweetheart…” He says with a pleased smile. “I'll text you tomorrow m’kay…? Love you, bye.” He quickly says and hangs up, not even giving you a chance to object about it, maybe that's why he did it that way.

Anyways now it's almost 5 am, and you have to wake up like… in an hour maybe…? Got to dress cute, cause “firsts impressions last”, not too prudy but also not showing your bra, you decide to get your shit together and walk to the bathroom to wash your face, you change into something more formal, a tube skirt and white crisp shirt, a short heels and you are on the go. How come with even extra time you are running late…? You take the bus, yeah, people stare at you, yeah, deal with it. You finally arrive at your destination after several bus stops, a corporation building, they say they were looking for a secretary… Who knows it could be like the movie and you start having a BDSM relationship with your boss and-

“Miss, Mr.Kennedy will see you now…” The assistant says from behind her desk, giving you a soft smile,you analyze her, she is truly an american beauty, high standard chick from uptown for sure. After her fake smile disappears you walk to the door of your probably next boss office. You knock on it twice, a husky rumble saying “Come in…” traveling through the sound waves. You slowly open the door, greeted by the back of Mr.Kennedy as he looked through the windows the city at his feet, he slowly turns around, his eyes slightly opening up further as he realizes who he is, she frowns softly, her mouth opening, ready to speak.

“Oh darlin’ thought I told you I was going to be the one to reach out to you didn't I…?”

#leon kennedy #leon kennedy smut #leon kennedy re4 #leon kennedy re id #leon kennedy dilf #leonxfemreader #leonxfemreadersmut #leon kennedy sugar daddy #leon kennedy praising #resident evil #resident evil 4 #resident evil di #resident evil id

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sincebrooklyns · 2 months ago

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★ word on the street with ANGELA FINDLAY ★

first up, roll call: your position at eden and how long have you done it?

"my name is angela, close friends call me ang, and if you're 6'2 and sexy you can call me tonight. make sure you pan in on that wink. i've had the pleasure of working at eden for about six years now. very much second home, second family vibes. but of course, the home is an amazing club and all of my family members are all really hot. — yeah, i had to think about that one for a second too. that's okay. we're movin' right along. i am, to put things simply, the bitch that runs this bitch. i do a little bit of everything, i feel like i'm everybody's go-to girl, and i love it. eden is amazing. i wouldn't want to be doing anything else.

what’s your drink of choice to make for yourself or others?

"i'm actually not much of a mixed drink girl. i like to shoot things straight, i like beer and i like claws if we're doin' a little day drinking. the guys at the bar teach me how to make shots all the time though, they're very good at what they do. i'm talking cool looking ones with, like, color gradients and glitter. they're like scientists almost. super duper sexy, scientific things are happening over there."

we’re passing you the aux. what’s your number one club classic?

"deep in my heart and soul, its gotta be something like dancing queen — no, gimme! gimme! gimme!, and there's a light up floor and a mirrorball. and i'd have, like, a massive bush and wear the hair on my head in big beautiful curls every night. here on the physical plane, though, i'd have to think about it. maybe don't tell 'em. or that one that's like ayoooo. something that gets the hips loose, hands up. if the hands are up, you're havin' fun."

what’s your most iconic night out memory?

"one night, this guy i was seeing was supposed to come over but ended up telling me he had a thing. i don't even remember what he told me. it was bogus anyway. , i end up seeing him out with another girl. i confront him, 'cause i'm an aries moon, then me and the girl became fast friends. we danced the night away together. we got mcdonalds and matching star tattoos on our hips. we still follow each other on instagram, i think, too."

what’s your craziest rideshare story?

"okay, so, there was some slight hand stuff that did occur in a lyft once, but i won't say more than that. i got enough hate across all of my group chats to know better. i was under the impression us gals were supposed to support women's rights and wrongs."

what’s your typical fast food order after the clubs close?

"very good question. anywhere. i switch it up all the time. variety is the spice of life! my friend joe doyle — have you guys done joe yet? he owes me food 'cause of a bet we made about sales tonight, so i'll probably make him take me to the loaded fries truck. he has their app so he's always able to track them down. it's the primary reason i keep him around."

you ready to kick this interview up a notch?

"i'm enticed."

truth or dare?

"fun! i'm down for a dare but i won't show you my boobs. i can't. i'm actually on the clock right now."

return the last missed call in your call log right now.

"my only hard no was boobs and you chose to throw me this softball? let's see who we're callin'. oh! it's phoebe. and eli was a minute before her. i got missed calls from both, which is typically how it happens. they've always got questions, my little baby girls. they're my proteges. i'll call pheebs back, but she's on tonight so she won't answer. i tell them to keep their phones in their work lockers, 'cause it's a bad look for all us girls to be on our phones all the time. it's a bit of a "do as i say, no"t as i do" situation but they look up to me, so they listen." [phoebe: "hello?"]

#hmm.

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imanbenerrabeh · 6 months ago

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what is motivated you to go analog and how did you start? how long has it been since u began your analog lifestyle?

trembling and terrified by this question, because ten thousand words and counting would not suffice to answer.

long story short. I have always been very active on instagram, first in Italy when I was in high school and then here in Ottawa throughout the start of university. my account was a true time lapse between 2017 and 2022, and by active I don't mean influencer-active but as in actually active. I had more than 500 posts of pictures and videos of memories of my cities, my friends, my studies, my family, my outfits - everything on display for an ever increasing amount of followers. I was never known by any means, and god forbid never famous. but in my uni lectures people would often come up to me just to tell me they followed me, they loved my page, and minor sweet comments like that. I was posting to document my days and archive my memories, but also because photography itself is a dear passion of mine. and that way, I met many friends online and got to know wonderful people in real life. so many pigeons, one small stone! until one day, I could not log back in my hefty and precious instagram due to a system error. I am embarrassed to write about this but it's relevant. being logged out from my instagram threw me in a true spiral. I cried and sobbed as if someone died. I mourned it like a loved one. I did the impossible too! I crafted a plan that involved getting in contact with someone in California from Facebook's headquarters and paying real dollar bills just to resolve the issue. After two sleepless weeks without it, I finally could log back in. The very day I had my Instagram back I realized that someday down the line I would have to delete it myself. I knew something about it all was deeply wrong. I could feel it in my gut that there was a problem I would have to face head on sooner or later. And later, I did. Gradually, I realized that it made me uneasy to have so many people know so much about me. I realized that many online friendships were an illusion of closeness, somewhat parasocial. I realized my screen time was absurd, a number in double digits too high to even make sense. And yet, I kept posting and scrolling and texting compulsively even when I started to see that there was no logic behind the thick smoke. So, one day in the fall of last year I deleted it as my only form of social media, telling myself that it would be a trial run of one week. It's now a year and a half later and I have never logged back in. As soon as I archived my instagram, a fog lifted from my brain, a brown noise vanished and everything around and inside me became clear and vivid as if I has just put on my prescription glasses. Ever since that fall, that week in mid-October that turned into years in plural - I have been on a journey of digital minimalism and analog living.

So, what motivated me to do this was a gut feeling telling me that it was unnatural to spend three quarters of my waking day online staring at my phone or texting strangers when I could have been reading or present with my friends in person. I started by deleting social media, then I read "digital minimalism" by Cal Newport. Little by little, I learned that I wanted to keep more of a blog like this one on Tumblr but in a way that is closer to what blogging was in the early days of the internet - to fulfill the sincere photography pull that brought me to use Instagram in the first place. I lost some friends that I only kept up with because of my online presence and that I realized I was not even genuinely close with to begin with, and made new ones in organic ways with which I now have deeper and stronger bonds. I bought an iPod, and a digital camera. I joined a chess club. I started journaling and sketching and reading and writing again, which I not so coincidentally stopped when my obsession with social media took over. Now I sparingly like to make videos on YouTube and I have this blog for me to live out my passions in a slow paced and level headed way, and I don't have everyone in my town liking my stories and creating the delusion of a closeness that is not real - the paradox of a closeness that is nothing but isolating. When I wait for my bus I don't scroll. I just absorb my thoughts and my surroundings. I even start conversations with people in long elevator rides. I feel reconnected with myself and with others. It's been a year and a half since I started this chapter of my life, and in all honesty it was difficult in the beginning to readjust. Now, I cannot think of a better decision I have ever made.

#doc #jot

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cheritzteam · 1 year ago

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[The Ssum] If You Like Them, You’ll Get Teased😘 2024 April Fool’s Day Event Announcement

Hello, dear lab participant.

We bring you news on this year’s April Fool’s Day events.

< ① A Ssumone’s Transformation Is Innocent!>

Piu Piu, who worked day and night to deliver to you the image of a great guy.

It is said that something is wrong with its cutting-edge system due to burning passion...!

Regardless of Piu Piu’s will(?), it starts taking pictures as it pleases!

The great photos are showing a new side of your Ssumone….

Check out the new side of your Ssumone shown by Piu Piu's camera on X(Twitter)!

Please share your thoughts on seeing your Ssumone’s new side on social media!

All of your precious stories become love research data.

A total of 10 lab participants will be given 100 Aurora Batteries through a drawing✨

Event Period : April 1st, 2024 (Monday) ~ April 11th, 2024 (Thursday) KST

How to Participate : Use hashtag #TheSsum_Innocent_Ssumone’s_Transformation and share your thoughts about the new side of your Ssumone.

Winner Announcement : April 25th, 2024 (Thurs) KST

*The social media platforms you can use are limited to X/Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram.

*If you participate using someone else’s work, even if you win the event, your prize may be canceled.

< ② City of Free Men : Celebratory Lab >

For the following period, a Celebratory Lab📚 in commemoration of April Fool’s Day will open in the City of Free Men.

Join other lab participants in voting for the best April Fool’s Day prank,

and aim to become Top Lab Participant for the prize of 200 Aurora Batteries!

Celebratory Lab open for : 28th of March 2024 (Thu) 9:00 am KST ~ 11th of April 2024 (Thu) 8:59 am KST

Criteria : Number of supports in a post (5 lab participants will be chosen per language)

Winner Announcement : 25th of April 2024 (Thu) KST

*Posts will still remain after the event period, but you will not be able to write new posts.

*We will count the number of supports accumulated at the event's end.

*If you have won an in-game event within the past 3 months, you will be excluded from the raffle for this event.

< ③ In-game Seasonal Content and Access Gift >

The winner of this year’s April Fool’s is…?

Seasonal Content open for : 31th of March (Sat) ~ 2th of April 2024 (Tue) (based on your account timezone)

Seasonal Content : April Fool’s Phone Call + April Fool’s Photo Memento

*You can check past Seasonal Content anytime in your Milky Way Calendar and Album after unlocking them.

In-game Access Gift : 15 Aurora Batteries + 3 Frequency Momint

Have a delightful day with The Ssum🤹‍♂️🎭

Thank you.

Cheritz

#TheSsum #TS #Cheritz #TheSsum_Innocent_Ssumone’s_Transformation

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cringelordofchaos · 10 months ago

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I HATE THE INTERNET !!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU NEED TO SIGN UP FOR FUCKING EVERYTHING THESE DAYS !!!!!! "Oh, you want to explore this social media some more?? NUH UH YOU NEED AN ACCOUNT FOR THAT!!!!" "oh you want to watch this one single fucking TikTok video? log the fuckk in!!!!!" "wanna check out this Instagram account for a couple minutes? scroll a little through Tumblr?? well that's be great, first make a platform useful exclusively for uploading content in order to view anything more than five pieces of anime fanart and cat images !!!!" "Want to read the rest of this article on our stupid niche useless website??? get an account and give us your full name, age, phone number and place of residence!!!" BRO. LET ME EXPLORE YOUR TOWN WITHOUT BEING LEGALLY RECOGNIZED AS YOUR CITIZEN.

#rage

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dreamylove444 · 7 months ago

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🌸 Study Motivation: Finding Joy & Peace in Your Studies 🌸

Hey lovely,

Studying doesn’t have to feel like a chore. It’s a chance to nurture your mind and set the stage for your bright future. Every little bit you do brings you closer to where you want to be. 📚 remember, everything starts with an idea, all you have to do is make a decision and stick to it, you are not alone in this journey, let me be there for you in your hard times, may my blog inspire you to study and reach all your academic, social, fitness and health goals! You got this!🎀

✨ Tip 1: Make Your Space Cozy

Create a little sanctuary for your study time. A soft pink blanket, your favorite sparkly pens, and a cozy corner can turn studying from a task into something that is very peaceful. Take your time—there’s no rush. Enjoy being in the moment and the state of flow that kicks in after 20 mins or so…🌸

✨ Tip 2: Take It One Step at a Time

You don’t need to do everything all at once. Break things into smaller chunks, and allow yourself little breaks in between. Focus on one task, then reward yourself with a few minutes to breathe and reset. (A good app to break down tasks is Neurolist, an app for ppl w ADHD, it’s truly a life saver!!!) 🌷

✨ Tip 3: Be Kind to Yourself

If you’re feeling frustrated, that’s okay. It’s part of the process. Don’t be hard on yourself—take a deep breath and remember: you’re doing your best. That’s enough. 💖

✨ Tip 4: Keep a Study log

Whether it’s a tumblr account, an instagram , your notes app, a physical bullet journal, it can really encourage you if you see pics of your studying notes, your completed checklist, the number of hours you have done in a week, a month, a year. I know I take pics of my work laid out on my table and it just makes me wish I had done more.

✨ Tip 5: Just start

The hardest part of studying is starting, I know from experience that once you start there is no stopping until you finish all that you have planned to do. Transform your environment in a way that encourages studying and discourages procrastination. Have a cute desk, light a candle, put your phone far away from you or use your timer so you can feel satisfied after you spent so much time studying. My method is counting to 3 then immediately starting, sometimes I don’t even take my copybook and I start on plain A4 paper. I only use electronics to watch videos of the lessons or have exercices and their correction afterwards!

Bonus tips:

- change your mindset: it’s a hobby not a chore

-plan cute snacks and nice healthy 0 cal drinks and water.

-buy cute pencil cases pens and notebooks that almost make you salivate from the thought of using them.

-be a perfectionist but forgive yourself when you can’t do it all, as long as you have done your 115% that day then you deserve a reward.

-take micro breaks but don’t open apps that distract you

-if you think you have ADHD, try to get a diagnosis ASAP!!! Being medicated changed my life.

-make sure you have a healthy sleep schedule, healthy eating habits and be active, (how does one expect to outperform everyone if they aren’t healthy, a healthy mind resides in a healthy body)

-Never get discouraged by a bad grade & never give up. The secret of straight A students is that no matter what happens they stick to the plan and they do they best everyday.

-The true studying happens after the homework. Don’t just do the homework. Revise, do layers and layers of revision, revise in all different kinds of ways. That’s the secret of academic success!

~~~~~~~~~~~

🎀lastly here’s a message from your older internet sister 💬 🎀

_____________________

You're capable of so much more than you think. Trust the process, and let yourself enjoy the journey. 🌸

________________________________________

~ 。 🎀 。~

#StudyWithLove #GentleFocus #SmallSteps #MindfulLearning #GracefulGrowth

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jeniffercheck · 2 years ago

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light blue (nothing's gonna stop me now)

shivlina fic exchange: exposed affair with a side of shiv becoming twitter's rich white lady of the month, s2 canon (until it's not), set during 'safe room' - 2x04, shivlina are established affair partners.

words: 7.7k

read here or on ao3

for @shivvroys<3

“Do you have a Goodreads?”

Shiv pauses in the bed. Karolina’s been scrolling through her phone, laughing every so often at a cat video that she desperately needs to show Shiv right now, asking her if she’s heard about some absurd foreign news that Karolina gathers from the pits of Reddit.

(Because Shiv desperately needed to know that a rolled truck in Canada covered an entire highway in celery.)

It’s the worst part of the night, when the hours turn into minutes and the minutes to seconds, and every passing moment becomes one less that they get to breathe the same air. One less that they get to sit next to one another and exist in their small bubble, away from all the bullshit that makes up their lives.

“What?” Shiv asks, flopping her head to face Karolina.

“A Goodreads account,” Karolina says. “Do you have one?”

“Yeah,” Shiv says. She shifts closer to Karolina, trying to get a better look at her phone. “Why?”

Karolina shifts the device into Shiv’s view. “I think you’ve been discovered.”

“What?” Shiv rips the phone out of Karolina’s hand, eyes quickly scanning the screen. It’s her account, and the numbers do look suspiciously higher than usual. She grabs her own phone and opens the app, and lo and behold, hundreds of notifications have rolled in throughout the day. Likes and comments on her reviews, followers on her account. She’s not not used to it, her Twitter and Instagram receiving a healthy amount of engagement compared to the average user, but those are staged. This is…fucking embarrassing.

“How the hell did they find this?” she grumbles, clicking through some of the followers.

“I don’t know,” Karolina says. “Maybe the one-star and very detailed review of that unauthorized biography on your father was a good hint?”

“My review?” Shiv asks, scrolling through her page.

“I mean,” Karolina continues, “I don’t think the words, ‘My dad,’ were very helpful in keeping yourself anonymous.”

It appears on Shiv’s screen, a review logged last week. Sloppy, choppy, and boring as hell—she deletes it before she has time to read the rest.

“Oh my god,” she says, covering her face with her hands. “I was drunk when I wrote that.”

“Well, you’re a tough critic when you’re plastered,” Karolina says. Shiv’s mouth curls upward in disbelief as she unveils herself to Karolina, who seems to be fighting a smirk of her own. Shiv can’t contain her laughter as she drops back onto the bed, and Karolina follows, perched on her elbow next to Shiv’s head.

“What are the optics on this?” Shiv asks. The last thing she needs is to start an internet war with some E-List author. Karolina pulls her phone back in front of her, the screen flashing as she swipes through different apps, her nails making that grating tapping sound that pisses Shiv off when she’s trying to go to sleep.

“Uh—” Karolina pauses, zooming in on something. “Well, looks to me like you’ve just become the internet’s newest white girl of the month.”

“The what?”

“I mean, just look—” Karolina holds out her phone again, urging Shiv to read whatever’s on the screen, Twitter coming into view as Shiv does so. She scrolls through a variety of tweets, phrases like feral and deranged and mommy punching through. “They’re going crazy over you.”

@evermores: Does anyone else think Shiv Roy and Nate Sofrelli had something going on?

↳ @dazzlinghaze: why do you know random ass Gil staffers

↳ @evermores: Spoken like a fake fan.

↳ @notromanroy1: they were definitely boning

@milfhotline: I mean I know she probably steals money but she’s hot, so.

↳ @moonhaven: ???

↳ @Ryan2334657: Her dad is Logan Roy. Definitely a family of thieves.

↳ @moonhaven: sorry are you their bank? maybe she hates him. we don’t know

↳ @milfhotline: oomf out here defending a capitalist?

@candlenights: I don’t care what y’all say. Shiv Roy is my new Caroline Calloway. If she wants to steal, let her. Who am I to deny a woman her wrongs?

“Why the fuck do they all think I’ve stolen money?”

“You’re a Roy. It obviously means you commit wire fraud for breakfast,” Karolina says, scrolling through more tweets. “You should reply to one of them. Fan the flames.”

“Why would I do that?”

Fanning the flames sounds like the opposite of what her years of PR experience have told her.

“It would look good, engaging with the culture,” Karolina argues. “You know ATN’s viewership is sixty-eight percent senior citizens? Imagine if you brought in the youth. Your father would salivate.”

Shiv sits up, looking at Karolina doubtfully. “You, Karolina Novotney, want to brainwash the youth with ATN?”

Karolina shrugs, that hint of a smirk still visible on her face. Shiv scoffs playfully.

“Fuck you. You just want to see what would happen.”

“Fine,” Karolina concedes. “Sue me.”

“Yeah,” Shiv says, leaning over to press a kiss on Karolina’s forehead before getting out of the bed. “You couldn’t afford that.”

Karolina gasps, throwing a pillow at Shiv. “Whatever,” she says. “I just think it would be a good temperature check. Organic.”

“Well, I’m not engaging,” Shiv says. “I’m disengaging, if anything. I’m deleting my Goodreads and leaving the rest to their imaginations.”

“Their imaginations certainly are impressive,” Karolina says, grimacing at her phone.

“What is it?” Shiv asks.

“I thought you were disengaging?”

Shiv rolls her eyes. “I am.”

“You’re no fun,” Karolina says, pouting as she stands, but Shiv walks back over to her, lightly pushing Karolina back on the bed.

“You hang around me because I’m fun?” she asks, hovering over Karolina. She stops just as she reaches Karolina’s lips, and Karolina’s breath hitches. It’s then that Karolina’s laptop chimes from the other end of the room, and both of them sigh, an unwelcome reminder that their time for the night is officially coming to a close.

“You’re so much fun,” Karolina says before she leans up, stealing a chaste kiss from Shiv’s lips. “What time is Tom expecting you?”

Shiv sighs, rising once again.

“Thirty minutes ago,” she says. She walks into Karolina’s bathroom, pursuing her things that are already there. It all feels so simple, having a toothbrush in Karolina’s holder, having pajamas in her drawers. It’s a second life, sure, a home away from home, but it doesn’t feel any less real than the other parts, the parts where wakes up in the middle of the night and wonders why Karolina’s hands feel so big, why her sink looks so different. She washes her face, pushing the thought away for another time.

“Shiv,” Karolina says, her accusatory tone following Shiv into the bathroom.

“What?” Shiv asks, drying her face. “He’s fine. Mondale’s there.”

Karolina’s silent as she leans against the door frame, watching Shiv freshen up. It’s one of the more humiliating parts of the routine, running home to her husband who thinks she’s well on her way to becoming the next Head of PR for Waystar, guiding his eager mouth through the dark to her already-bruising breastbone, lest he think the marks came from anyone other than himself. Karolina looks at her sadly. It doesn’t happen often, but it’s annoying when it does, the sour mood or separation catching them both by its vicious claws.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Karolina asks. She asks at least once a week. Shiv would find it endearing if it didn’t make her feel entirely suffocated by just the thought of her actions.

“I told you, we have an arrangement,” Shiv says.

“And you’re not lying to me?”

Shiv sighs. She’s not lying, not really. She and Tom do have an arrangement. She stays out of Tom’s business—not that he even makes an effort to participate—and he stays out of hers. It’s simple, and she wants it to stay that way, but still, a part of her knows things with Karolina have gone outside the parameters of the arrangement. So, she’s not lying, but she isn’t quite sure where the truth fits just yet.

“I’m not lying,” Shiv says. “And Tom doesn’t own me. If I’m late, I’m late.”

“Alright,” Karolina says, voice still weary.

“What, you want to get rid of me so soon?” Shiv teases.

“I wouldn’t let you hog my sheets all the time if I wanted to get rid of you,” Karolina says.

“I do not.”

“Prove it,” Karolina challenges, and Shiv laughs.

“Should I set up the cameras before, or after we fuck?” Shive asks, facing the mirror. Karolina laughs, but it’s small and she replies by hugging Shiv from behind and resting her chin on Shiv’s shoulder. They lock eyes through the mirror.

“Stay over tonight,” Karolina says.

It’s an easy ask, as easy as anything else Karolina ever asks Shiv to do for her, and a rare one at that, and it tugs at Shiv the way it always does when she has to deny Karolina of something that she wants. Karolina, a never-ending stream of goodwill and wonder, Shiv, a constant disappointment.

“What do you get out of this?” Shiv suddenly asks, and Karolina doesn’t hesitate with her response.

“I get you.”

“But—” Shiv stammers, unsatisfied by the answer. “Like, what do you get out of it?”

Surely Shiv is not the prize. She’s a consolation, a means to an end. Karolina should be lucky to have her, sure, but when luck runs out, what’s left? Shiv is convenient.

“You make me feel normal for a little while,” Karolina says. “Like I’ve finally done something right. You do.”

It feels like a cosmic joke, Karolina saying that Shiv makes her feel right when Karolina makes Shiv feel as though she’s done everything wrong, her mere presence causing Shiv to rethink every action she’s ever taken to lead up to their interactions. Not that it’s Karolina’s fault. It’s a mess that Shiv’s made, one she knows she has to clean up soon, before it all comes crashing down on her.

“Not what you wanted to hear?” Karolina asks, looking nervous in Shiv’s silence. Shiv reaches up to grab Karolina’s hand, squeezing it as she smiles softly.

“Just—not what I expected,” she says.

“What did you expect?” Karolina asks.

“I dunno,” Shiv says. “Maybe that my financial crimes get you off.”

Karolina’s lips curve gently, and a soft laugh escapes her. Shiv knows she’s laughing because Shiv wants her to. Because Shiv has to leave in fifteen minutes and if they get into it now, if they let their emotions get any further, they might go places they can never come back from. Shiv turns around, connecting their foreheads. By the time she leaves, Karolina is back to some late-night work, and Shiv, back to Tom.

—

The first thought Shiv has when the gunshot goes off, is that it doesn’t really sound like anything at all. One second she’s playing Connect the Dots while being babysat by the Old Guard, and the next she’s being rushed off through the executive floor to a safe room that she isn’t really sure is all that safe, given the fact that they’re on the top floor of a high rise in the Financial District, distinctly known for having zero issues involving life-endangering events and fucking high rises.

She stumbles her way through an increasingly irritating phone call with Tom, something about the wrong safe room and she realizes that she doesn’t have a clue where Karolina is, right safe room or wrong safe room, and she still doesn’t know if there’s a shooter in the building, and she still doesn’t know where she stands with Dad, and she doesn’t know shit about anything, because everybody wants to keep her around but nobody wants to keep her in the loop.

“Where’s Kendall?” her dad is immediately asking, winded and wilting, and only ever concerned about her older brother.

“I don’t know,” Shiv says. It doesn’t seem like the correct time to remind him that she’s not Kendall’s keeper, and she’s also got bigger concerns on her mind. “Were you with Karolina? Have you seen her?”

“Karolina?” he repeats, and at first, it’s a quickening of Shiv’s heart rate, wondering if she’s somehow said too much, gone too far, but then it’s a dismissive wave of her father’s hand, a welcome sign that she hasn’t completely screwed anything up just yet. “Get on the phone with her—figure this fucking mess out.”

She does, retreat to a corner and call Karolina several times, her pulse beating harder with every passing ring. It’s not until the third try that Karolina actually picks up, just as Kendall and Gerri enter the room, and she still has enough time to roll her eyes as her dad greets Kendall, his golden boy returned safely to the throne room.

“Shiv?” Karolina’s voice comes through the receiver.

“Karolina,” Shiv sighs, relieved. “Where are you?”

“I was on a lower floor dealing with a small fire—we were evacuated right away,” Karolina says. “I’m with the news crew now, they’re prepping to go live from outside. Where are you?”

Shiv looks around. Kendall doing God knows what in the bathroom, Rhea and Dad looking awkward as all fuck on the couch, Colin hovering creepily. Gerri, it seems, is heading right for Shiv.

“In the Kensington Palace of panic rooms,” Shiv says, losing her words with every step Gerri moves closer. “I just wanted—we, wanted to check in on the response. And I—you’re safe? With the protestors outside?”

“I’m pretty sure ANTIFA is the least of our safety concerns,” Karolina mumbles, her voice getting quieter as Shiv cups the phone, Gerri stopped in front of her, gesturing to the phone.

“Can I speak with her?” Gerri asks.

Shiv has half a mind to say no. Wants to take herself and her phone and Karolina’s voice and lock it all away from others. Wants to touch her hand and make sure it’s real, that Karolina’s right where she says she is, outside of Waystar HQ, prepping some corporate shill with eyelashes far too long for national news to tell the whole world that everything’s fine, that there’s a shooter inside of their workplace but they’re all fine because this is America and guns are our friends.

Instead, she holds her phone out to Gerri. She’s at least grateful to be rid of the vibrations from Tom’s texts coming through every twenty seconds.

“How’s it looking out there?” Gerri asks into the phone. She eyes Shiv and then turns her back, mumbling a yes, and a no, and a no, we’re not legally liable, and a yes, they can say that on-air, and when Gerri turns back around, she looks as though she’s about to hang up, and if things were different—if Shiv weren’t trapped in a room with five people who definitely can’t know that Karolina is anything more to Shiv than a corporate sounding board—she’d get Gerri to stop. She’d rip the phone out of Gerri’s hands and take Karolina back.

Except, Gerri pauses. Her eyes flash suspiciously at Shiv, and she bids Karolina goodbye before handing the phone back, Shiv, using everything in her power not to look as desperate as she feels.

“Shiv?” Karolina says. “You there?”

“I’m with you,” Shiv says, trying her best to sound inconspicuous. Dad, Kendall, and Rhea are still deep in talks, but Gerri’s ears are her, even if she’s pretending they aren’t.

“I stepped away for a moment,” Karolina says. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, we’re all good here,” Shiv says. “I’m glad we got in touch quickly. It’s best if we get a statement out soon.”

“I was worried,” Karolina says, and Shiv bites the inside of her lip. “When they said there’d been shots fired, you know, I-I didn’t know—”

“Uh-huh,” Shiv cuts her off. “You’re right, we should wait a little. Don’t want to sound too haste.”

There’s a bit of silence on the other end, and Shiv feels bad. Feels awful, actually, because she’s worried too but she can’t show that. Not right here, not in front of everyone. She can’t cry or panic, can’t tell Karolina that if something had happened to her it would’ve been the end of Shiv, that the entire time she was speaking to her husband the only thing that was on Shiv’s mind was Karolina. She can’t tell Karolina any of this, ever.

“Can I see you tonight?” Karolina then asks.

It’s small and slightly hesitant, and feels far too fragile for the circumstances, feels too fragile to be aimed at Shiv. She can’t help it. Shiv might explode if she has to deny Karolina anything ever again.

“Yes, of course,” she says. “I’ll send you the details when we’re out of here.”

“Okay, Shiv. Be safe,” Karolina says, and it feels like the words are hanging, like there are so many more they should be saying that are inhibited by time and space and circumstance, and Shiv can’t help when the spell is broken, when she forgets that she isn’t the only person in the room and her lips curl to say something irrevocable, until at the last second she looks at Gerri, perceptive eyes still plainly on her and she does remember. The destructive words swallowed, and replaced with a cordial, “You too.”

She avoids Gerri’s gaze as she hangs up, opting to read through the abundance of texts from Tom that she’s received within the last twenty minutes. He’s going to be stuck at ATN all night, and the paperwork is, “Horrendous,” considering the shooter was revealed to be one of his employees. She schedules a car for Karolina and a separate car for herself, both to be taken to her apartment. It doesn’t feel entirely right, but it doesn’t feel wrong either, wanting to just sit on her own couch in her own place and bask in the silence with Karolina.

“What did Karolina want from you?” Gerri asks suddenly, voice quiet so as not to interrupt the Boys Club still trying to land a deal.

“Uh—just wanted my opinion on some words,” Shiv says. “That’s all.”

“Right,” Gerri says. “Because it doesn’t make sense to speak with the people who are actually on her payroll.”

“Look, Gerri, if you have a problem, then take it up with Karolina,” Shiv says. “I’m sure she’d love to explain.”

She locks eyes with Gerri this time, smiling her Shiv Roy best, and Gerri just sighs. “She’s not a toy, Shiv.”

Shiv can’t help it as she laughs under her breath.

“Are you my godmother, or hers?”

Colin whispers in Dad’s ear. He stands, Rhea joining him. They’re all shaking hands, smiling as Colin opens the door.

“If I were Karolina’s, I’d be telling her to run rather than telling you not to fuck things up.”

—

Relief.

It’s the only thing Shiv feels when there’s finally a knock on her door and she opens it to find Karolina on the other side, a little more disheveled than Shiv is used to, but her Karolina, nonetheless. Shiv normally wouldn't have her over like this, not when it’s so late and Tom could be in even when she knows he won’t be, but she finds that she’s running out of reasons to care.

The second Karolina is inside and situated, she’s pulling Shiv into a hug. It’s not her first hug of the day, but it’s the first one where she feels like she’s being held. Like her hands aren’t the only two things doing the lifting, like her body isn’t a vessel for someone else to consume and spit out and mold—like she’s being hugged because someone cares. Like someone is wrapping her in their arms, not because it’s where they want her, but because it’s where she fits. With Karolina, everything fits.

“Eventful day,” Karolina says, brushing a thumb across Shiv’s cheek.

“Not really a good reflection of Waystar,” Shiv says, frowning. “An employee blowing their brains out in the bullpen.”

“We’re lucky that’s all it was,” Karolina says, and her hands tighten around Shiv, voice thick with the emotional toll of the day. “Three Roys in the building an active shooter, I mean—it could’ve been anything, Shiv.”

“Hey,” Shiv instantly says, attempting to calm the concern in Karolina’s words. “It wasn’t that. I’m fine, and you’re fine—we’re all good. Right?”

Karolina looks at her, furrowed brows and scrunched lips holding back like they always do, and she just nods. It comes over Shiv again, that wave of protectiveness that she pretends hasn’t recently become exclusive only to Karolina, and she takes control of the embrace, bringing the side of Karolina’s temple to her lips and holding her tightly in return. She wants to say something, wants to make more promises that she can’t keep, and ask more questions that she doesn’t want the answers to, but her phone buzzes in her pocket.

“It’s Tom,” Shiv says, pulling away from Karolina, and then into the receiver, “Hello?”

“Hey, honey,” Tom’s voice comes through. “Are you home yet?”

“Yeah,” Shiv says. “Yeah, I got in about an hour ago.”

“Okay, good,” Tom says. “Will you make sure to feed Mondale? I’m afraid I’m going to be in the studio for a while.”

“Yeah,” Shiv says. “Can do.”

She’s being short. It’s not fair, but so many things aren’t fair. Which safe room are you in, Shiv? Are you sure there’s only one? I think they brought me to the wrong one, Shiv. I thought that it was something we wanted for me. What happened to the plan, Shiv?

“Alright, well. Everything—everything’s good?”

“Yeah, Tom,” Shiv sighs. “Your safe room kept you safe, I guess?”

“Oh, yeah,” Tom says. “Very spacious. It was nice to have some quiet time, you know? Hard to come by these days.”

“Right, no—yeah,” Shiv says. “Ours was—it was quiet too.”

“Good, good.”

There’s a lull of silence between them that Shiv often worries is a permanent fixture, but she knows Karolina looming behind her isn’t the best fuel for a conversation with her husband.

“Well,” Tom says, filling the silence, “I’ll see you later?”

“Sure, honey,” Shiv says. “Just let me know when you’re on your way, yeah?”

“Alright,” Tom says. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Tom.”

She keeps her back turned, scrolling through the calls on her phone. Tom, incoming. Karolina (3), outgoing. Tom, incoming. Roman, missed. Tom (2), missed. Karolina, incoming. Karolina, outgoing. She locks her phone, sliding it into her pocket without another glance. She finds Karolina’s set herself up at the kitchen counter, laptop out in front of her, fingers typing away. She looks up as Shiv returns, and Shiv wonders where her determined energy comes from, how Karolina can always keep going, despite it all.

“ATN putting out the fire for us?” Karolina asks.

“Yeah,” Shiv laughs sarcastically. “They’re gonna own the libs and turn a suicide into a men’s rights issue.”

“As long as the ATN audience believes it, I couldn’t care less,” Karolina says. “Waystar will provide its condolences and ATN can do…whatever the hell it does.”

Shiv knows Karolina doesn’t mean that. That she’ll be watching the news broadcast and she’ll send a scathing email to ATN’s PR department when their story doesn’t align with the professional public image that Waystar needs to maintain, and she’ll work long and extra hours just to make it right, even though there are plenty of people on her payroll that can do it just as well with her guidance.

Shiv wonders if Karolina thinks the same way about her. That whenever she asks if they can spend the night together or if they can see each other, if there’s not always a part of her that couldn’t care less. A part of her that can’t afford to care more.

“Well, with a Nazi on the news desk, I’m sure they’ll do just fine,” Shiv says. Karolina sighs and leans her elbow on the counter, head in her hand. She continues to type with one hand, a skill Shiv would find laughable on any other day, and Shiv pulls another seat closer to Karolina, resting her own body across the countertop as she watches Karolina work. Suddenly, Karolina’s typing furiously, sitting up straighter and switching through tabs at a rapid pace. Her phone dings a few times, and an unsettling feeling comes over Shiv.

“Fuck.”

Karolina’s expression has grown from slightly annoyed to exceedingly worried within seconds, and Shiv sits up instantly.

“What is it?” she asks. “Ken get high and shoplift with the Naked Cowboy?”

Except, Karolina doesn’t laugh, which worries Shiv, because Karolina always laughs at her jokes, no matter how stupid or ill-timed or horrible they are.

“Um, no, Shiv,” Karolina says. “It—it’s about you.”

Shiv goes through her mental calendar, trying to remember the events of the last week. She can’t remember stealing candy or vape fluid or murdering a fucking homeless person though, so whatever it is, surely can’t be as bad as Karolina’s frantic typing is having her believe. Karolina continues to type, and then pauses, turning her laptop screen to face Shiv, a gaudy email taking up the screen.

Email: [email protected]

Subject: Heavy is the Head

Message: Married heiress to a popular American news conglomerate spotted cozying up to a mystery woman at a gala.

Shiv tries to make sense of the words. “What am I looking at?”

“It’s a blind,” Karolina says, and Shiv attempts to calm her panic. A blind is a blind. They’re bullshit, even when true.

“It’s just the same thing as last night,” Shiv says. “Nobody’s going to believe it.”

“Scroll.”

Shiv does, hesitantly, and her heart sinks as she makes it to the next part. There’s a photo. A fucking photo of her kissing Karolina t that stupid charity gala that she didn’t even want to be at, taken by some sleazeball with an iPhone 14 and a dream. But still, it’s not the end of the world, right?

“Nobody can see your face,” Shiv says. “I mean, fine, fuck, I’m kissing a woman—that doesn’t mean anything—”

Karolina slides her second phone over to Shiv, a screen that’s usually reserved for the most desperate of occasions, and on it is a thread with a different photo, Karolina’s face and dress circled out of a crowd.

“Fuck,” Shiv repeats, because what exactly is the proper word to being outed to millions of people at once, and also, by the way, the person you’re kissing is one of your dad’s most trusted advisors, and, oh, you’re also fucking married! She looks to Karolina, who seems to be flitting between passing out and figuring out where she can purchase a military-grade machine gun to mow down the Reddit headquarters.

“Is someone on this?” Shiv asks, and she’ll admit it, she’s panicking, because normally it’s Karolina who’s on these stories and squashing them before they’ve seen an ounce of daylight, but Karolina is here, and the story’s already broken, and her eyes are a little frantic and her hands a little shaky and Shiv’s slowly losing faith that they’re making it out of this one unscathed. Shiv grabs one of Karolina’s hands, and the contact springs her into action.

“I—I don’t know, Shiv,” Karolina says, puffing her cheeks. She pulls her hand away, standing. “I need to make some calls.”

“You can use my office,” Shiv says, and Karolina nods, walking away without so much as another word. It’s a lot, a shooting and an exposé all in one day, and Shiv doesn’t even want to begin to think of the fallout. The thought of checking her phone makes her feel sick, and if the universe is at all on her side (which, it’s decidedly not, considering this is happening at all) then Dad is already asleep and he’ll never have to find out about this mess. There’s no way Roman hasn’t already found out, and she makes a mental note to come up with a list of things to blackmail him with if he enjoys his life as it is currently. And then, as if on cue, Tom is walking into the apartment, either blissfully unaware, or entirely all too excited.

“Shiv?” his voice calls out, and she steels herself, not at all ready for the first wave of consequence.

“In here,” she calls from the kitchen. It’s a little while before Tom actually enters, his slow, tentative steps confirming her suspicions.

“Hey, honey,” Tom says as he approaches. He doesn’t greet her like he normally does, his inviting arms usually engulfing her, and she’s troubled by the fact that it doesn’t bother her. The distance almost feels welcome.

“Hey,” she says. The tension is thick.

“Crazy day, huh?” he asks. He looks at her expectantly, and she imagines what he’s thinking. Maybe he wants her to fall to her knees, to beg for forgiveness. Maybe he wants her to serve him with divorce papers, to annul the marriage having violated the terms of the prenup. Maybe he wants to pretend it never happened, to forbid Shiv from seeing Karolina ever again even though they both know that Shiv would never listen to that order. She can’t tell, because she never knows what Tom wants. He pretends to want what she wants, or he says he wants less when he always wants more, or he wants things that simply don't exist, things that can’t ever exist, and she just has to stumble her way through his needs, catering to him without completely destroying her own desires.

She feels that urge again, to hide Karolina somewhere far away, somewhere where Shiv wanting can’t be used against them. Where she doesn’t have to suppress her desires just to make everyone else around her feel whole.

“Yeah,” she says stiffly. “Wild.”

Tom nods, still playing his cards close to his chest. He eyes the mess of screens on the counter, not lingering for too long on any device. It’s likely he spent his entire car ride home memorizing every detail of the news.

“So—what’s the plan?” he asks, like he’s somehow a part of it. Like it’s a business move that they’re making together and now they have to figure it out. Like it’s not Shiv’s livelihood at stake.

“The plan?” she asks. She knows it’s not the time to be dense, but he’s already pissing her off and they haven’t even begun. She doesn’t need a Tom-solution to her own mess.

“Shiv,” he says, her name coming out like a warning.

“I don’t know, Tom,” she says. “I have to—you know, I need to talk—”

It’s not the admitting that’s hard. She’s admitted plenty before. Admitted worse. It’s saying her name. It’s giving Tom that piece of her, that version of Karolina that up until now, had only belonged to Shiv. If she says her name, then it’s real. They belong to everybody. It leaves her control.

“Her,” Shiv finally says. Tom’s current state of mind is elusive. She never prided him much in the way of not wearing his heart on his sleeve, but he’s doing a good job currently, and it’s unnerving, not being able to suss out what he’s thinking.

“When will—I mean, is that—are you in contact with her?” he asks. “Because we should really all be on the same page.”

We. Us. All.

“She’s in the study,” Shiv says, and Tom’s eyebrows shoot upward.

“She’s here? Now?”

“Well, yeah, Tom. Did you want me to drop her off in front of Waystar?” she asks. “See how many different ways the paparazzi can ask her what it feels like to fuck your wife?”

“Okay, Shiv—I understand you’re upset—”

“Oh, fuck off,” Shiv says, turning away from him. “Can you just—stop, being so nice right now?”

“Well—I mean, this was a part of it, right?” he asks, that sickeningly dumbfounded expression slapped across his face. “The arrangement?”

Shiv hopes her face isn’t conveying the paralyzing lapse of nausea that she feels course through her. She can feel the boyish hurt seep through his words, pretending like the arrangement is still something he’s okay with. If she were being completely honest, it doesn’t feel like a part of the arrangement. If it were a part of the arrangement, it wouldn’t have been Karolina in that photo. It would’ve been some hot, young guy, just barely taller than Tom; enough to make her feel like he should be jealous, enough to make him jealous. Karolina is different. He wasn’t supposed to find out about her. She was supposed to be Shiv’s secret, her life away from Tom that he couldn’t touch, couldn’t steal. She won’t let him steal her now, either.

“Right,” she says. Silly. How could she have forgotten? “The arrangement, yeah no—sorry. It’s been a long day.”

Tom pouts and steps forward, Shiv’s lie like some kind of spell cast on him. It feels more morose than usual, his desperation for her bare minimum commitment to him. He pulls her into him, as if the arrangement means it’s not real. She isn’t sure either of them believes that, but she knows he wants to, and Shiv, as always, is beholden to his wants.

“It was frightening being in danger,” Tom says. “And this, on top of it all. We’ll get Rat-Fucker Sam on it. Ruin some Silicon Valley tech mogul’s life.”

“I think it’s too late for Sam, Tom. It went viral instantly,” she says. “I just need to figure this out.”

“Well, has she gotten the call yet?”

Shiv looks up. The call?

“What call?”

“You know,” Tom shrugs, and Shiv wildly shakes her head, because, no, she doesn’t know. She’s not some clairvoyant psychic put on Earth just to be able to read Tom Wambsgans’ mind when he decides the middle of a conversation is a good time to play fucking charades.

“What call, Tom?” she says again, stepping away. He looks around to make sure it’s just the two of them, which, Shiv’s pretty sure they are, considering she can still hear Karolina’s commanding voice leave the confines of the study every few minutes, and he leans in, lowering his voice.

“The fucking axe, Shiv!”

He says it like it’s break room gossip. Like Karolina isn’t one of the few people at Waystar who’s actually decent at their job, like she’s dispensable and that’s why Shiv chose her. Not a real person. She wonders if that boyish hurt isn’t just a glint of zeal, like maybe he’s finally found his opportunity for payback. Shiv gets to cheat, and Tom gets to watch the destruction. She wonders if this might not have been his play all along, let her run herself through brick walls over and over again, and watch silently until one of them finally takes her down, bruised and bloody and begging for mercy. Something tugs inside of her then, and she realizes there is a wall worth salvaging, and it’s not the one in front of her.

“She’s not getting fired, Tom,” Shiv says, hoping the blood and the cement seep through, spoken proof that even knocked down, the fragments of Karolina are deep within her now.

Tom just stares at her, open-mouthed with that stupid, disbelieving smile.

“If you’re worried about the optics, Shiv—we’ll have her sign papers. This won’t come down on you,” he says. “It’ll be quick and painless, I mean, you won’t even have to be a part of it—”

“Tom,” Shiv snaps, he closes his mouth, jaw set. “I said, she’s not fucking getting fired.”

In come the theatrics.

“Oh, oh, I mean, of course, Shiv, I don’t—I mean, I wouldn’t really think of it as a firing, more so as a sort of, Witness Protection situation,” he says. “I mean, she can’t possibly come back to the office, right? That could be, well—sort of disastrous, if you think about it.”

She tries to imagine it, tries to picture either of them returning to Waystar with a shred of their dignity, and she wants to believe that there is a way, somehow.

“She can,” Shiv says. “It was just a part of the arrangement, right? If we don’t treat it like a big deal, then it’s not. Firing her looks sloppy, Tom. It’s guilty.”

“Yeah, Shiv, it’s fine,” Tom says, finally letting some of his anger come through. “Maybe I should walk in with her tomorrow, then everyone can know I’m friends with the woman from whom I got cucked.”

“I don’t really want that any more than you do,” Karolina says, and Shiv looks past Tom, his head immediately turning towards the sound of her voice.

“Karolina, hello—”

“Hi, Tom,” Karolina says.

She’s a new kind of silent. Shiv isn’t sure how long Karolina has been standing there, doesn’t know how much of the conversation Karolina heard, but however much, Shiv wishes she hadn’t.

“Uh, hey—Tom?” Shiv says, Tom now looking back at her. “Can you just, maybe?” She nods in the direction of the door, and he raises his eyebrows before a light, “Oh,” escapes him, suddenly cordial again now that Karolina’s in the room.

“Sure, sure, yeah, I’ll just—I need to take Mondale out. All of this…energy isn’t good for his sleep schedule, so. I’ll, um, I’ll leave you two to…it,” he says, wincing near the end.

They both wait for him to leave, Karolina not daring to move closer until she hears the door shut, and even then, it’s a minimal attempt at closing the distance.

“He seemed mad,” Karolina says.

“Yeah, well,” Shiv sighs. He reacted how she’d expected. Highly upset but too desperate to actually show it.

“I thought he knew,” Karolina says, her tone slightly accusatory.

“He knew, yeah,” Shiv says, trying to sound sure. “I guess, he just—didn’t know who with, is the problem.”

She doesn’t expect Karolina to believe her, not in the way she expects Tom to take her words at face value, and Karolina doesn’t. She never does.

“So, we’ve been having an affair,” Karolina states.

“I told you, Tom and I have—”

“An arrangement. Yeah, Shiv, I got it,” Karolina says. The silence isn’t awkward more than it is uncomfortable. There are too many things to say, too many questions and strategies and unknowns. Shiv starts with what’s simple.

“Who was on the phone?” she asks.

“It was Gerri,” Karolina says. “She, um—well, she chewed me out, and then she, you know. Advice.”

“And what was her advice?”

“She told me I should stock my arsenal,” Karolina says. “HR, journalists, lawyers. She gave me some numbers.”

“Are you going to call?” Shiv asks, a knot forming in the pit of her stomach.

“I don’t know, Shiv,” Karolina says. “I might.”

Shiv nods, unsure of what other response she could give. Of course, she doesn’t want Karolina to call those numbers. Of course, she wants Karolina to trust her, to believe that Shiv will do the right thing, to believe that Shiv would stand by her, would choose her. The longer this bullshit goes on, the more Shiv thinks that she would.

“Don’t,” Shiv says. “I’m not going to hang you out to dry. I wouldn’t do that.”

“Shiv,” Karolina sighs, and her face falls almost sympathetically. She moves closer to Shiv, though they still feel worlds apart, and Shiv wants nothing more than to reach out, to grab her hand and never let go. “It’s not you that I’m worried about.”

Dad. Shiv had nearly forgotten about him while trying to handle Tom.

“Did Gerri say—”

“He hasn’t called her about it,” Karolina says. “So, he either hasn’t seen it, or he’s ignoring it.”

Shiv lets out a sigh of relief at the information. This gives them time, a lot more time than she initially thought they’d have.

“So, we still have a chance to get ahead of it,” Shiv says. “Or he doesn’t believe it. Both work in our favor.”

“It doesn’t really matter whether he hasn’t seen it, Shiv, there’s a photo,” Karolina says. “Everyone else has seen it. The entire fucking internet has already seen it.”

“He’s the only person that matters, though,” Shiv says.

“The only person?” Karolina asks. “What about my subordinates? My boss, fucking—Hugo? There are people who want to see me fail. This could ruin me, Shiv.”

“It won’t ruin you,” Shiv says.

“I’ve been fucking the married daughter of the fucking CEO, Shiv. This is a PR disaster from hell,” Karolina says. “Who’s going to want to hire me? I’m a fucking liability now.”

Shiv waits for Karolina to say more. Waits for her to say that she regrets this, and that she never should’ve done it, and that it was a bad idea from the start. That Shiv’s malignant, a festering presence that bursts into people's lives and does her bidding and then leaves right before things go to shit, that she somehow makes it out unharmed every time, a body count living in her wake. She won’t let that happen to Karolina. Won’t even give her a chance to think it.

“I’ll handle it, Karolina,” Shiv says. “I’ll fucking, I’ll figure it out, okay?”

“How?” Karolina asks. Her voice is sharp and jagged and Shiv doesn’t think she’s ever heard it sound so unsure before, so small in the face of something so large.

“I don’t know, I’ll offer my soul to Shanghai, I’ll do the fucking management program, I’ll do whatever he wants—”

“What?” Karolina interrupts. “Shiv you’re not even in the company—”

“Why do you think I was in the office today?” Shiv asks. “It’s me. It’s fucking me, Karolina.”

Karolina shakes her head, confusion taking over her face. “Seriously?”

“I don’t know if he meant it, but he said it, and it’s something,” Shiv says. “If he wants me out of his precious politics, then it’s fucking something, okay? We have to try.”

Because if this is rock bottom, then Shiv has nothing left to lose, and she knows the Dems on Capitol Hill would kill to have the gay fucking Roy child on their campaigns. She can work with this; she just has to convince Karolina.

“Even if that did—it’s not a Get Out of Jail Free, Shiv,” Karolina says. She goes silent, her arms crossing gently. Her expression softens, her anger at the situation replaced with something sadder. She looks up at Shiv again, eyes boring into her from across the room, “Did he really choose you?”

“He said it,” Shiv shrugs. Karolina still doesn’t look convinced.

“It’ll never work,” Karolina says. “It just won’t, Shiv. The CEO of Waystar—home of ATN—with a woman?”

“Then we’ll go to Pierce,” Shiv says instantly. “Get them to agree to an exclusive sit down. Dad will be so mad he’ll back off. Fuckin’ extort the hell out of him. I’m from a crime family, right?”

Karolina’s brows furrow so thoughtfully, Shiv might think Karolina were pitying her. “No, Shiv.”

“Why the hell not?” Shiv asks, growing irritated when Karolina laughs.

“Shiv, you can’t ruin your life for me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Shiv asks.

“That I can’t let myself get in the way of you becoming CEO.”

And it’s that. That sentence right there, when the decision’s already been made for her. She doesn’t care if Karolina hates her for the rest of her life and they never speak again; Shiv won’t let anything happen to her. Karolina, who didn’t go running to the papers right away. Karolina, a top PR strategist who could’ve spun the story in her favor within minutes of its release. Karolina, who desperately wants what’s in Shiv’s best interests. Karolina, who’s willing to throw away her tenure for a fucking vanity title Shiv isn’t sure she’ll ever actually get. Karolina, who cares about Shiv. Who’s worried about how it’ll affect her, sure, but who cares about how it’ll affect Shiv.

“And what if I told you that it wouldn’t even be worth being CEO unless you were there, by my side?” Shiv asks, finally moving closer to Karolina. Karolina's arms are still crossed, but she doesn’t move away as Shiv does so.

“I’d tell you that’s a stupid thing to say.” Karolina looks down, and Shiv lays a hand over her arms, squeezing lightly.

“I know this is bad, Karolina,” Shiv whispers, ducking her head as well. “I know that. But I don’t want any solution that doesn’t involve you. You’re non-negotiable.”

“I’m not an acquisition, Shiv,” Karolina says. “I’m a person and this is my life.”

“I have a life too,” Shiv says. “I want you in it.”

Karolina looks up, her eyes misty. “You have a husband.”

“I don’t have to,” she says, and it’s the first time she’s admitted those words out loud. The first time she verbalizes to another person that maybe she has made some wrong choices along the way.

“You’d leave him?” Karolina asks. Shiv looks into Karolina’s eyes and knows it’s not about leaving Tom. It’s about choosing Karolina.

“You make me feel like I’ve finally done something right, too,” Shiv says, tugging Karolina’s arms free. She presses their foreheads together, and Karolina’s hands grab at Shiv’s waist. They stand there in the silence, connected, and Shiv prepares herself for it to be the end, until Karolina’s voice rings out one final time.

“Shiv—are you sure?”

Shiv kisses Karolina, and it feels like nothing could ever go wrong again.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

—

“Look at this one,” Karolina says, rolling over in the bed. It’s been like this every morning since the divorce went through, Karolina doing her morning doom-scrolling and subjecting Shiv to the first round of daily tweets. She assumes one day it’ll get old, but for now, the only thing Shiv cares about is the peaceful glint in Karolina’s eyes and the easy smile she adorns, and Shiv lays her head on Karolina’s chest, giving her undivided attention to Karolina’s selection.

@milfupthesun: shiv roy has game like that ?

↳ @chaostheory: i mean we’ve all seen her girlfriend

↳ @milfhotline: want a waystar baddie soooo bad now

↳ @onemintjulep: need her to teach me her ways

↳ @notromanroy1: shiv is definitely not the one with game

“Wait a minute—” Shiv snatches the phone and sits up, squinting at the screen. “Is that fucking Roman?”

#evil laughter i think #<333333333333 #shivlina #shiv roy x karolina novotney #succession fic #shivlina fic #shivlina fic exchange 2023 #duskfalls

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