#Lol yolo

[theholygh0st]

I remember someone waaaay back in the day when Quizilla was still around requesting for me to write them a story about their character and Ghost, it was like about Ghost dying and their character reacting to the news. I think about it sometimes and it haunts me to this day, especially with everything being rebooted. Old feelings I guess and a part of me is half tempted to do a reader x old!ghost and their reaction to his death as a commemorative piece. ; u; <3

[isjasz]

[Day 297]

POE POE‼️‼️ Caption (??) from skizz's video here

[itscherryterry-again]

twitter template

[vebokki]

why don't we leave then?

[rosedom]

there's just smth about big ol' macho men submitting—especially to someone smaller than them. now, i'm a pretty small guy, and i doubt i could physically overpower someone all that much bigger than me; but to have a strong man choose to submit? to let himself be manhandled by me? to know he could turn the tables at any moment, but won't—not when i'm so in charge already. it's beautiful, to me, the way he doesn't have to but wants to .

god. and it's not like i'd even be rough with the guy—i'll still be gentle as anything, naturally, coz it's me here, but smth about being able to fulfill a size kink in two ways: in being so much smaller than him, but in having a cock so much larger, too. my silicone cock would look frankly obscene between my legs, but it'll be so worth it to see the look of embarrassed excitement across a big man's face !!

i wanna have to use four fingers to prep him, having to stretch my smaller body across his larger one just to pepper him in kisses as i finger him open; i wanna have to have him bend down to kiss my lips as i nudge the thick head of my cock against his hole, such a fuckin' heavy weight between our legs; i wanna have to gently coo up at him and quiet his sobs while my cock fills him up to the brim.

just big guys who deserve an even bigger cock in them <33

[oldbirdwithnobrain]

POV: You ask what Pyro's favorite thing is..

Just had the idea of someone asking pyro what their favorite thing is and after struggle to tell, lets say engie in this case, through quick, excited, mummbles and frantic hand movements. They run off. Engineer thinks hes running off to get paper or something to just write down the thing. But instead she comes back holding Miss Pauling akin to how one might hold a curled up kitten, proudly and loveingly. <3

[unproduciblesmackdown]

ooh big hug

[ginpotts]

► Bokura no Shokutaku (Our Dining Table), Episode Two

Yutaka doing that happy, smitten little smile that he does when he thinks about Minoru and Tane ☺️

[marblerose-rue]

wahaha sneak peek!!

[orphiclovers]

Some people have asked me for my ver of the yoo mia side story, so i thought i'd post it here.

definatly take everything written in it with a grain of salt, since its not an official translation, but i did try my best.

Edit: forgot to add the last 3 scenes!!! new version here:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1iPkuQKxkrKEu11LD91qwZviR_r32ClvF2nqR2d3tMKg/edit?usp=drivesdk

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Fluffvember prompt - Going on an adventure // Malon and Link go to Castle Town and chaos ensues

(Featuring Malon and Link in an established friendship with a hint of something more <3)

“Oh… I don’t know, Link, I can’t go like this!”

Link threw a confused look over his shoulder, feeling his chest bubbling with both excitement and bewilderment. “But Malon, you always look like a mess when you work in the field, anyway.”

Malon froze, cheeks as flushed as her red hair, eyes widening. Link stared at her a moment longer and then realized his mistake. Before he could hastily backtrack, though, Malon groaned.

“That’s the point though – I wanted to look nice today!”

“That’s not the point of today,” Link replied, easing Epona’s steady trot so he was alongside his friend. He reached out to her, only a little shyly, and twirled one of the little bits of hair spilling out of the cloth she’d tied around her head. “Besides, you always look beautiful when we go to Castle Town.”

Malon watched him for a moment, face softening, and she leaned in just enough that his finger brushed her cheek. Link took the invitation, letting his thumb trace along her face a moment before Epona nickered a little and the pair pulled away from each other. Malon huffed, “Oh, fine, Epona, I’ll stop complaining.”

Link chuckled and watched as she took off the handkerchief, revealing two braids she’d interwoven on each side of her head. They were a little frizzy, but they looked pretty nice, and it reminded him of some of the Gerudo warriors he’d interacted with in the past. Seeing as they’d been the inspiration for the hairstyle, he wasn’t surprised.

“Does it look okay?” Malon asked.

Link smiled. They’d already agreed that today was just for fun – no worries, no cares about chores or responsibilities or appearances – but he knew she still needed the reassurance. “It looks great.”

Malon beamed. “Okay. I always wanted to try it – the Gerudo have such pretty hairstyles! There’s no way I could ever have that fancy jewelry they wear but this’ll have to do.”

The pair continued their trek towards Castle Town in peace, and Link found himself almost giggling. Two days ago they’d agreed to take a trip to Castle Town purely for fun – no milk runs, no errands, no melancholy gazes towards the castle. This day was just for them to explore Castle Town in ways they hadn’t – Link recalled running around the area as a child, but as his journey had continued it had become less of a priority.

Not to mention seeing what Ganondorf had done to the place had messed with his mind a fair amount. He’d spent his first return to Castle Town after that just roaming around making sure everyone was alive. He still sometimes found himself staring into dark alleys too long, wondering if a ReDead was around the corner or if he’d find another dying soldier.

But today wasn’t about reassurances, nor was it filled with the busyness of doing work for Talon.

Link discovered, though, as they reached the moat, that he had no idea what to do if the day was just about him and Malon.

His friend seemed to retain her excitement, though, and she nearly leapt off her horse, handing the reigns off to a stableman at the gate. Link followed, smiling at her infectious cheer, but mind scrambling for ideas as to what they should do.

“Okay,” Malon said with a happy clap of her hands as they stood at the entrance to the city. “…Now what?”

Link couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. Apparently he wasn’t the only one feeling a little lost.

“This is fine!” Malon argued at his cackling. “We said we’d make today about ourselves, and we will! Okay! So! What’s a place in Castle Town you always wanted to visit but never had time?”

Link hummed, thinking about it. “Bombchu bowling?”

Malon looked at him, nose scrunched. “I thought you had gone bowling?”

“Once,” Link answered before shuddering. “But one of the rounds… it was fun, but… well, maybe it’s changed since then.”

His friend continued to give him a bewildered expression before shrugging. “Well, let’s try it!”

Before Link had a second to register her words, she had grabbed him by the wrist and was dragging him through the market square. Running around with Malon without a care in the entire world was honestly more exhilarating than he had expected, and he laughed as he passed her, turning it into a race. Malon yelled in protest and the two practically barreled through the entrance and nearly ran over a patron already inside.

After a sheepish shrug from Link and an embarrassed apology from Malon, the two got their bombchus and headed to the bowling lane. Link recognized the first round immediately – they’d upgraded the device a little, and it looked like it had seen some wear and tear, but the blade trap still looked roughly the same as it had when he was a child.

He got by it just as easily as he had back then, too. Malon cheered him on with delight.

The next round, however…

“A cuccoo?” Malon questioned as the little feathered terror traipsed about. “What if it gets hurt?”

“They’re indestructible, Malon, don’t worry,” Link grumbled.

“Oh!” Malon scoffed. “They’re not and you know it! Is this why you stopped playing this game?”

Link sent the bombchu rolling, watching as it climbed the wall and made it into the next goal. “No…”

The destroyed wall crumbled, revealing the final round, and he saw his adversary, much to his dread. He felt the bottom drop out of his stomach, as if Ganondorf himself were standing there and cackling evilly. “That’s why.”

The final barrier to get through, beyond the blade trap and the cuccoo was a monstrous sized cuccoo, large enough to rival Link in height and twice his girth. Malon’s mouth dropped.

“What kind of cuccoo is that?” she asked.

“A demon,” Link answered.

“So did you never get passed it?”

“Passed it?!” Link repeated, motioning wildly at the beast. “Why would I even try? Do you want to anger that thing?! I had hoped I’d outlived it by now!”

“I’m still trying to figure out how it got so big,” Malon said thoughtfully, staring the monstrosity down.

“You’re not actually considering getting near it, are you?” Link asked worriedly.

“Well, the good news is that if the bombchus don’t bother the little one, this baby definitely won’t care if you miss!” Malon noted with a laugh. “But my goodness, it sure is big. You could ride it like a horse!”

Link felt the blood drain out of his face at the mere thought of it.

“Oh, stop being silly!” Malon huffed, nudging him aside with her hip. Electricity shot through him as she did so, unaware that he was now trying to catch his breath as she bit her lip in concentration to figure out how to aim the bombchu properly. When she released it, it managed to pass the blade trap and the little cuccoo, but the large one inhabited too much space to bypass. The bombchu let out a boom! and Malon gasped, covering her mouth.

The cuccoo clucked, unimpressed, before taking a small step to the left, foraging for food.

“I should’ve used that thing to fight Ganondorf,” Link muttered.

“We only have two left,” Malon noted, sounding a little disappointed. “We’ll have to try harder.”

Link looked between his friend and the cuccoo. This was definitely the stage that he had given up as a child – he’d had more pressing matters to attend to anyway, and there was no sense in risking his life when Hyrule needed to be saved. But now… watching the sad pout to Malon’s face emboldened him, just as seeing others in need always did.

Besides, the prize was a heart piece, a magical item that could grant some protection and healing enchantments. It could certainly come in handy. And it would look pretty on some jewelry for her.

Link took a fortifying breath and gently pushed Malon aside, taking the bombchus. “I’ll handle it.”

He calculated the path he would need to take carefully. Bypassing the first two obstacles was easy. He’d probably have to let the bombchu climb the wall to access the goal and get around the gigantic cuccoo.

Link released the bombchu and the pair watched it go. When it got through the cuccoo without a hitch, Link couldn’t help the little cheer that escaped him, only for his face to fall in disappointment as the bombchu exploded outside the goal.

Well… great. Now they only had one left.

A devious idea popped into his mind, and he paused, considering it. Doing what he was planning would technically be cheating, but… it was already an unfair advantage to have such an adversary on the playing field without a way to defeat it.

Handing the bombchu to Malon, Link said, “Wait for my signal and then send it off.”

“Your signal?” Malon repeated, confused. “What signal?”

Link surveyed the area, knowing he’d caught sight of it earlier—ah, there it was. A large pot, tucked into a corner, and filled with a familiar scent. He traipsed over to the pot and turned sharply, his shoulder hitting the rim and knocking it clean over.

Wheat grains spilled everywhere, and, as predicted, the cuccoos immediately squawked in excitement. Malon hastily let the bombchu loose as Link ran for his life from the oncoming feathery horde, yelping to avoid the frantic owner of the bowling alley. The bombchu hit its target, knocking the final wall away to reveal the heart piece awaiting its victors.

“Was that really the best way to do that?” Malon whispered as Link shrugged at the owner with a sheepish smile.

“Listen,” Link fired back quietly. “That blasted bird has been hoarding that heart piece for almost a decade. Which means people have been throwing bombchus at it for a decade. This way, the bird finally gets to retire from being attacked.”

Malon scrunched her nose in the way that he loved, the way she would when she was debating a matter. Her eyes narrowed looking at him, reading through his excuse but giving in to it nonetheless. “I suppose you’re right.”

The pair blinked as they went out into the sunlight once more, and, after Link offered a giggling Malon the heart piece, found themselves stuck again.

“Now what?” Link asked.

“This is ridiculous, we should’ve planned an itinerary,” Malon huffed with some amusement.

“I think that was against the whole idea of the day,” Link offered with a small smile.

“Well clearly we’re not good at being spontaneous!” Malon sighed.

That didn’t seem true at all, but Link wasn’t going to argue the point. What they clearly were awful at was not having something to do. Both kept themselves busy, either with farm work or adventuring, and that was the reason Talon had suggested they take a day off.

“You two work so much you’ll work your lives away,” he’d said. “Go to town and have fun! The ranch will still be here and intact when you get back.”

It had taken a few more days to convince Malon that her father wouldn’t be sleeping on the job before they’d finally agreed. And here they were, barely at midday and already over it.

“I see people throw rupees into the fountain,” Link commented. “They do it all the time. Maybe there’s something to it?”

“They just do that to make wishes,” Malon commented, though she guided him to the fountain nonetheless. “I’ve heard people talk about it. Dad and I did it once – I wished—”

Suddenly, she cut herself off, stopping short of the fountain. Link paused, peering around her shoulder to look at her face. Malon swallowed, chewing the inside of her lip and hastily moved ahead. “Well, never mind that, maybe we—”

In her haste, Malon lost her footing, tripping on uneven cobblestone, and she nearly faceplanted into the fountain itself. Link moved forward quickly to catch her, grabbing at the back of her shirt and instead successfully falling with her. He pulled her to him and turned to take the brunt of the fall, and they both nearly gasped in a lungful of water as the cold temperature shift shocked their systems. Thankfully, the fountain was shallow, and the pair instead lay half soaked in the water, blinking at each other in bafflement at what had just happened.

Malon laughed. Link found himself laughing too, especially at the exaggerated noises of surprise and irritation from the local women who had been gossiping while waiting in line for one of the market stands.

“Make a wish, fairy boy!” she giggled.

“I wish…” he started uncertainly, still chuckling and coughing slightly on water.

“Not out loud!” Malon interrupted, clamping a hand over his mouth and making them both fall into the water once more with a squeal. After a moment, though, she made a disappointed noise as she looked down at herself. “Oh, this dress is going to be ruined. As if I didn’t look questionable enough.”

“What are you talking about?” Link asked, leaning forward and putting her sopping wet hair over her shoulder. A mischievous glint shone in his eye and pulled at his lips. “You are… more beautiful than Princess Zelda.”

Malon stared at him a moment before catching the reference, poking his chest. “Oh, and you are just as handsome as the King of Hyrule.”

The pair stared at each other a moment longer before the façade fell apart as they burst into fits of laughter. The sour look from the familiar married couple who constantly subjected everyone to such sappy lines with their innumerable public displays of affection was definitely amusing enough to send Link into full-on hysterics.

Eventually, the cold water began to get a little too chilly, and the pair climbed out of the fountain (Link was definitely tempted to fish the rupees out of the water, but he felt that would be rude). They decided spending the afternoon laying outside the Temple of Time might be a good way to dry off and relax. Malon started to doze a little bit, but somehow the idea of sleeping by the temple left Link feeling far too ill at ease to actually get any rest. Instead, he settled for watching Malon and the occasional passerby who went to pray.

When evening fell, both Link and Malon realized they hadn’t eaten since breakfast, and decided dinner at one of the local restaurants was in order. Link had no idea how to order, having never been to a restaurant, and Malon was not of much help since she mostly spent her days at the ranch, but they managed to figure it out. When that was done, most of the townsfolk had begun to head home, and Malon wondered if they should as well.

At least until the stray dogs came out.

Gasping in delight, Malon reached down to pet one, and Link started to chase a few as more chased him. The two giggled and ran all over the city, watched only by the guards leading to the castle, who didn’t bother hiding their smiles.

It wasn’t until the moon was high in the sky that they realized their mistake.

“Wait!” Malon said, stopping suddenly. “The gate! The gate closes at sunset!”

Link froze. “Oh.”

They had to stay the night here.

Well. Unless…

“I could… there is a way…” Link said hesitantly. “But… only if you really want to.”

Malon looked around uncertainly. “Is it dangerous?”

“Not really, no.”

“Oh,” his friend wrung her hands nervously. “Can we? I don’t… I’ve never spent a night away from home. It’s silly, I guess, but…”

Link smiled. “Don’t worry, I got it.”

Pulling his ocarina from his pack (despite Talon’s insistence that he take no weapons to the city, Link had still grabbed all his supplies), he played the familiar song that had saved his neck plenty of times. The notes danced out with a little bit of hesitancy as he tried to remember the fingering on the instrument, but as he gained confidence and added the correct rhythm, he felt the ocarina warm with magic.

In the blink of an eye, the moon nearly plummeted to the horizon, making Link’s heart stop for just a second despite knowing it was going to happen, and the sun sprang up.

Malon’s jaw dropped. “How did you—?”

“Let’s go!” Link said with a laugh, grabbing her by the wrist. The citizens of Castle Town blearily peaked out of their homes, windows opening in as people peered around in confusion. When they reached the guard house at the gate, the soldiers were staring up at the sky, eyes wide.

Link cleared his throat. “Excuse me. Can you open the gate, please?”

The guard stared at him. “W-wh—but it’s—”

“It’s clearly day,” Link said innocently with a smile. “The gate’s supposed to open at sunrise.”

The guard couldn’t offer an argument, and so Malon and Link got their steeds. Epona seemed to be staring at Link judgingly, and he laughed at her expression. She’d seen him do this trick a number of times, after all, and it usually resulted in little sleep for either of them. Thankfully, that wouldn’t be the case today.

After all, he could make it night again once they got back to the ranch.

“Link, how did you do that?” Malon asked as they rode out into Hyrule Field.

“Just a trick I learned on the road,” Link tossed back casually.

“You know you can’t keep dodging my questions about that stuff,” Malon replied.

No, he supposed he couldn’t. But not today. Today was just for fun. And it had been fun. He hoped it could end that way too.

When they got back to the ranch, Link was endlessly entertained (and unsurprised) to find that Talon hadn’t even noticed the daylight and was instead snoring loudly in his room. Link played the ocarina again, and the sun and moon traded places once more.

“That’s… disorienting,” Malon noted as she stared at the sky.

“It could get that way, yeah,” Link huffed. When he looked back down he saw Malon staring at him. “Uh… what is it?”

Malon sighed, looking at the ground. “Nothing. I just… wish you’d talk to me. I know I’m just a dumb farm girl, but—”

“Malon,” he interrupted hastily. “I don’t think—you’re not—”

“I had fun today,” she interrupted with a small smile. “Did you?”

Link stumbled over all the words that had been spilling out of his mouth, and he took a breath, returning her smile. “Yeah… yeah, I did. And…”

He trailed off, uncertain how to continue. Malon watched him curiously, though she still held a degree of coolness after her previous statements. Clearly he’d hurt her feelings a little, and he felt awful for it.

He still struggled to figure out what to say. So instead, he stepped forward, planting a chaste kiss on her cheek. He felt her face grow warm under the touch, and the blush he saw confirmed it as he pulled away. “I thought today was nice too.”

Malon fanned her face with an exasperated, “Oh, you! That wasn’t funny!”

Link laughed nonetheless, pulling her into a hug, and she laughed with him, returning the embrace in full.

[hotvintagepoll]

Why do you make me choose between Elizabeth Taylor and Clara Bow???😭😭

round three, babyyy

[bisonaari]

I can't be trusted with money I just booked more plane tickets to go back to finland lol

[kasirose]

Getting close to the end of spoopy month so here’s an extra witchy Magnus!

I couldn’t resist sneaking some Malec things into the background, can you spot them all? ;)

Answers here!

Version without the background under the cut

[oldbirdwithnobrain]

"Wait, you have three things: the hand, the grandfather, and a saw."

Bros going through it

Idk i like the idea that the whole cutting off the arm thing was more of a psychotic break, lack there of better words. Like he just kept hitting a wall, progress-wise. Which being a problem solver, with all the answers for everything; hitting a brick wall absolutely tore at his psyche. So when he flipped through his blueprints for the 20th time that day, he saw the gunslinger blueprint, and something just clicked

[froizetta]

Since it's WIP Wednesday, I've decided to post an excerpt from a longer WIP to motivate myself to write it! If it's technically on the internet, I can't just not finish it, can I? Right??? Fingers crossed I can make this a regular thing with other WIPs...

So anyway, here's part of chapter 1 from my early-career superbat identity porn fic!

“The thing you’ve gotta remember,” Jimmy said firmly with a slightly overenthusiastic wave of his jack and coke. A little bit of liquid sloshed out onto the countertop. “The thing you gotta remember. Is.” He blinked. “Ah, cripes. What was it again?”

Clark absently took a sip of his own drink. The whisky was at least a pleasant burn in his throat, even if it wasn’t exactly his favorite flavor. “Gee, I don’t think I can help you with that, Jim.”

Jimmy beamed. “Oh yeah! The thing you’ve gotta remember is, that there’re plenty of fish in the sea.”

Clark couldn’t quite suppress the wry quirk to his smile. “Wow. That’s some original advice right there.”

“No, but for real though!” Jimmy insisted, slamming an emphatic fist on the table. “Just. So many fish. A whole ocean! Of women! And, uh, also not women!”

“That does sound like a lot of people.”

“Exactly,” Jimmy said, nodding sagely. “You’ve just gotta widen your net, is all. To more than, like, one fish-woman.”

Ah, yes. Clark was honestly a little surprised it had taken him five drinks to bring it up. Apparently, Jimmy had needed some Dutch courage before embarking on the ‘romance advice’ portion of the evening.

Clark could humor him on it, at least. “You mean Lois?” he asked.

“Yeah I mean Lois! Don’t get me wrong, Lois is great. But she’s just one fish,” Jimmy said emphatically. “Like, sure, maybe she’s a really cool fish. Like… Like koi or something. Koi are actually pretty amazing, did you know they—” He paused and then shook his head. “Wait, no, this isn’t the time for fun fish facts. What I mean is, just because koi are cool, doesn’t mean there aren’t equally cool salmon. Or tuna. Don’t let the koi blind you to all the…the really hot tuna around you. You know?”

Jimmy looked concerningly pleased with his increasingly labored metaphor. Clark charitably chose to blame this on the alcohol rather than Jimmy’s abilities as a writer. “Maybe you’re right, Jim. I guess it’s pretty silly to be so stuck on her, huh?”

Jimmy frowned. “Well, I wouldn’t say that. I think you guys would be great together, you know that.”

“I’m not sure her new fella would agree with you,” he said. Embarrassingly, the glumness in his tone wasn’t entirely feigned.

“Don’t be so pessimistic,” Jimmy said insistently. “We don’t know that it’s like that. Maybe it’s just a pity date?”

It wasn’t just a pity date, Clark was pretty sure about that. Lois had been wearing the perfume she wore whenever she wanted to impress someone. And yes, that was a creepy thing to notice, but he couldn’t help it, okay? Super-senses make a lot of things really hard to ignore.

He shrugged. “Maybe. But it’s none of my business anyway. I know she doesn’t see me that way, and that’s fine.” And it was. He knew that to Lois, he was just a coworker – and a bumbling, awkward, country bumpkin of one at that. Even though he definitely hammed up the act to create distance between Clark Kent and Superman, the real Clark Kent still wasn’t the kind of guy who would appeal to someone like Lois. She’d want someone classy and sophisticated. Someone like her.

Probably someone like whatever guy she was on a date with right now, in fact.

“And, I mean… it's Lois,” he added, as neutrally as he could manage. “She’s out of most people’s leagues. It’s not— I mean, I never really thought I had a shot with her, you know? So I’m not about to get all bent out of shape because of one date. Honest.”

Apparently, this wasn’t what Jimmy had wanted to hear, at least judging by the way his face fell. “What? No no no, that’s not what I— Look, I’m not trying to say you don’t have a chance there. In fact, I think she’d be lucky to date you. But what I mean is, it’s not the end of the world if she doesn’t see that. You’re an awesome dude! I just think you deserve to be happy, with or without Lois.”

“Oh,” Clark said, then blinked and ducked his head, taken aback by how hard that had hit him. Jimmy really was a great friend. He suddenly felt guilty for spending their evening together daydreaming about eating pizza on his couch. “Shucks, Jim, that’s…that’s real nice of you to say.”

“I’m not being ‘nice’, I’m being honest. Listen veeery closely, Clark.” Jimmy set his glass down and grasped Clark around the shoulders, looking him straight in the eye.

Clark tensed. “Um. What’s happening.”

“Shush,” Jimmy said. “You’re listening.”

“I am?”

“You are. Now focus and take this in. Really internalize it.” His gaze was a little unsteady, but still intense and undoubtedly sincere. “You – Clark Kent – are a bona fide catch.”

Clark couldn’t help but let out a snort of laughter. It would be easier to take Jimmy seriously if he wasn’t starting to slur his words. “A ‘catch’? Are we still on the fish metaphor?”

Jimmy blinked. “What? No, no. Look, you’re smart, you’re a successful reporter. You’re probably the nicest guy I know. And you’re tall, like…what, 6’1”? 6’2”?”

“Something like that,” Clark half-lied with an easy smile.

“Yeah, so. Tall. Trust me, as a short guy, that’s a big plus. Everyone loves tall guys. You’re, you know, the tall, dark and handsome type. Like Superman!”

His smile froze. “Oh?”

“Yeah! Chicks love Superman. Not saying you look much like him, of course—”

“Of course,” Clark agreed.

“—but you’ve got, like. A similar appeal.” He squinted up at Clark. “You know, I’m not the best judge for this type’a thing, but if I feel like you’d clean up real nice if you made the effort.”

“Hm. I dunno, Jim…”

Jimmy was insistent. “You could change up your style, maybe. You ever tried contacts?”

“I’m afraid they don’t really agree with me,” Clark said apologetically. Which was true, in a sense. The glasses were pretty integral to the whole secret identity thing, after all.

“Shame,” Jimmy said, finally letting go of Clark to lean back. But as he did, something over Clark’s shoulder caught his eye. He grinned. “Oh, hey, my first piece of evidence that you’re a catch: I’m 90% sure that guy is checking you out right now.”

“What?” Clark said and made to look behind him.

Before he could turn, Jimmy grabbed his face in both hands. “Shhhhh!” Jimmy said urgently, even though Clark wasn’t saying anything. “You can’t just look. That’s waaay too obvious.”

Clark was pretty sure Jimmy was being more obvious than looking himself would have been, but he stayed obligingly still while Jimmy peered over his shoulder at the mystery man.

“Okay,” Jimmy said eventually. “So I’m not great at telling when guys are hot, but I’m pretty sure this guy is hot. And, again, definitely into you. I’m 95% sure.”

“I thought it was 90%?”

“Sure, but I’ve accumulula… accumama…” He frowned and shook his head. “I’ve got more evidence since then, see? So I’m surer now!”

In retrospect, he probably should have insisted on Jimmy eating something more substantial than bar snacks over the last couple hours. “Sure, Jim,” he said gently. “It’s, uh, getting pretty late, though. Maybe we should head home soon?”

“It’s—” Jimmy squinted his watch and balked. “It’s only 10:30, so no way! I’ve got a new mission now, and it’s to wingman you with this probably hot guy. Trust me, I’m a great wingman.”

Clark raised an eyebrow. “Are you? What would you even do?”

“You know, the usual. Hey, have you met my friend Clark? He’s like 6’2” and a hotshot reporter at a big newspaper. And then I just slide out—” he made a slow swoop with his hand “—and just like that, bam! Take that, Lois! Clark’s got a hot date of his own!”

Clark raised the other eyebrow. “That’s…not particularly subtle.”

“Well, subtlety isn’t a part of the Olsen Wingman Experience. But it works!” Jimmy said brightly. “I even managed to wingman my ex-girlfriend while we were still dating, although that was mostly an accident. But it was still very effective. Thanks to that, I know for sure it works.”

“Oh!” Clark said. And then frowned. “Oh. I’m, uh. I’m sorry to hear that. Do you wanna talk about—”

“Nope,” Jimmy said firmly, decisively. “Tonight isn’t about my borderline traumatizing romantic history, tonight is about you. You and this totally hot guy who I’m, like, 99% sure is into you.”

“Mm. I see you’ve accumulated more evidence.”

“Yeah, actually! I—” Jimmy’s eyes widened. “Okay, crap. It’s 100% now. He’s coming over here.”

Clark blinked. He’d been half-convinced Jimmy had just been imagining things, but… “He is?”

“He is! Just be cool, okay?”

“Jim,” he began in protest, but before he could say anything else there was a presence at his back. Clark turned to greet the stranger. And stared. Because— Huh. Huh?

Either those whiskies had been a lot more effective on him than he’d thought, or that was Bruce Wayne leaning ever-so-casually against the bar next to him.