#ME WHEN THE CHARACTERS THAT ARE LIKE 'I have done such wrong to the point that simply living is my sin. But I'll continue living anyway

[taffycandyqt]

How do you think the 2003 tmnt boys would deal with a really smart s/o who is not very good at picking up on hints and always needs the direct approach socially and they’re always upfront themselves too cuz they don’t even know how to do hints? donnie is speaking in pig latin, hinting at something and s/o is like “… what?…” They understand his science nerd talk, but him socially hinting at something discreetly goes over s/o’s head completely or back before they were a couple “What? You like me? I thought you was just being nice… I’m so glad though. I like you too”?

Sorry if this wasn't exactly what you asked for😓 I started writing and the characters just wrote themselves.

Masterpost

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2003 turtles (seperate) x reader

warnings: none

fluff

Leo:

Let's be honest, all the turtles are just really bad at flirting.

I mean, they've lived in the sewer their whole lives and the first girl they ever met was April.

Leo doesn't really know much about love but he is determined to romance you.

He'll start watching a bunch of movies with Mikey.

Mikey will be a little less than pleased that they all have to be romance or have romance in them but who is he to judge his brothers movie taste?

He's just happy to spend more time with Leo where he isn't being the leader.

Back to Leo though, dude tries everything to seduce you.

He gets you flowers, makes you food, takes you out, heck he even learns to dance for you.

And somehow. You don't get it.

Leos not even trying to hide it at this point.

You don't even pick up on his feelings when his brothers tease him for it IN FRONT OF YOU.

You're so dense.

April tries to help you connect the dots but your brain ain't braining apparently.

She ends up telling Leo that your not gonna get it unless he tells you straight up.

Leo isn't to thrilled about that.

He's not used to this romance thing and now he has to put himself in such a position of emotional vulnerability?

It's not that he thinks you'll be mean to him, but not knowing wether you feel the same way offers too many unknowns for him to be comfortable.

Eventually though, after a bit of back and forth with himself he'll tell you.

A moment ago you were playing games with Mikey and Donny while enjoying some pizza. Now your following Leo out of the lair and far away from the pizza you wanted to finish. You just know Mikey is gonna eat it. You try and keep your focus on the pizza you left in the lair to distract yourself from Leo. Him and his gentle touches as he tries to help you onto a building rooftop. To distract from the fact of just how alone you two were. From the butterflies that erupted in your stomach when he turned to look at you.

The sky was dark but the city lit your faces. The lights of buildings and cars glittering from far away. The wind brushed past you both as you kinda just stood there. Leo had said he wanted to talk to you yet he hasn't done a lick of talking after taking you out here.

"Leo?" You voiced. It was a bit difficult to speak since the silence seems to palpable. He blinked and adjusted like you had caught him off guard. Which you kinda did. He had made up his mind to tell you how he felt but in his spontaneous decision making he didn't actually think of how. So he had spent the time staring into space spiralling about how to say it.

"Y/n I-" he began, "I wanted to tell you..... Um."

You were starting to get really worried now. Leo never stuttered, he never acted like this.

"Is something wrong Leo?" Your voice laced with concern.

"Wha-? No! I mean... everything's fine! I promise.."

You reached out and rested your hand on his shoulder.

"Take your time," you looked him in the eye, "if nothing's wrong then there's no need to rush." You smiled at him encouragingly.

Leo sighed and tried to clear his mind. You were right, there is nothing wrong. As your hand slipped off his shoulder he looked you in the eye.

The gentle breeze brushed past you both. Your eyes met his and he felt completely entranced by you. The lights of the city highlighting your silhouette making you glow. He felt hot in the face and he couldn't help but take a shallow breath before speaking.

"Y/n, I think I'm in love with you."

Raph:

Raph is probably the least in tune with his feelings out of all his brothers.

It's not that he dislikes being vulnerable, he has been vulnerable multiple times with the people he cares about.

But that's just the thing, he cares about them and he knows they care about him. He's safe.

He doesn't feel particularly unsafe being vulnerable with you.

Honestly you safe presence when he's being vulnerable is probably one of the reasons he fell for you in the first place.

It's just that he hates feeling lesser than.

He has virtually no experience with these types of feelings and interactions.

So the idea of telling you makes him feel like he's being put in a situation where he is seen as naive and inexperienced.

And out of everyone in the world, your the last person he'd want to see him that way.

So he'll do literally ANYTHING to get you to figure it out other then the direct approach.

Even takes advise from Mikey of all people.

From genuinely loving and welcome surprises to stupidly humiliating himself Raph has thrown every subtle and not so subtle hint at you.

Yet no matter what he does you just aren't getting it.

Mikey has been "helping him" with some not so great ideas so when he suggests the direct approach Raph though ABSOLUTELY NOT.

It would take a lot of time and everyone, even Splinter, telling him to be direct before he even considers it.

When he finally decides to go through with it? He is not happy. Not at all.

But at this point what other choice does he have?

You, Raph, and Casey had been out "patrolling" the city. "Patrolling" being the excuse for motorcycle racing around the city whilst ignoring traffic laws. Why where you invited? Simple. There are only two motorcycles. Casey's and Raphs.

You were clutching onto Raph for dear life as he raced around the New York city streets. Normally Raph would be doing all kinds of stunts jumping over or sliding under different obstacles as a way to gloat to Casey. But he didn't want to jerk you around too much. Especially with the death grip your keeping on his shell.

Also because this wasn't really a race. He asked Casey to pretend this was a race so he could drive you somewhere. That all Casey knew, no matter how many times he asked why Raph never said. So while Raph took his turns around the city Casey made is way back to the lair making it seem to you that Raph had beat him in the race.

As Raph slowed the bike you noticed you were at the park. It was dark out so lamps illuminated the path. There were some people walking around but not many, if Raph was careful and stuck to the shadows he should be fine. The park was almost peaceful if it weren't for the constant and eternal bustling of the city.

"Is this the finish line?" You asked, still convinced there was a race.

"Uhhhh, yeah. But we left Casey pretty far back there so... We might as well walk around," Raph eyed you unsure, "I mean it beats sitting here waiting for that slow poke to catch up."

"Sure sounds like fun."

And with that you both set off on a short walk through the park. Not wanting to be seen by any unsuspecting passerby you both stuck to walking behind the trees and bushes lining the path.

You both talked about nothing in particular. You just spent time enjoying eachothers company and it did Raph some good to calm his nerves. He had tried everything under the sun to tell you how he feels and you still don't seem to get it. Well everything but actually telling you. He didn't want to, but he was going to. Tonight.

As you both turned a corner lined by shrubbery you noticed how trees completely secluded the area ahead of you. No one could could see in or out unless the took the path you and Raph did. As you both decide to take a seat on the grass and just enjoy the night Raph felt his nerves come back to tie up his guts.

You both sat for a while, not speaking. I comfortable for you. A heavy one for Raph. Eventually it got to the point where if he didn't say something now, the perfect time, he knew he never would.

So without looking at you, or any warning, he won't for it.

"I love you."

Donny:

Donny LOVES subtlety.

Science is all about those subtle differences that can alter an entire study.

And BOY was he good at subtlety.

He would use relations between different parts of his project to hint at his feelings for you.

He would do that thing where the person would come up behind you and put their hands over yours to help direct you.

Stuff like that.

Did it make you blush? Yes.

Did it get his feelings across to you?

Ha ha

No.

He literally doesn't know what he's doing wrong.

After a while BB is so close to believing that you just don't feel the same until Splinter suggests being direct with you.

He would just stare at Master Splinter in the most 'I didn't about that's type of way.

He just didn't think that was something that people did ya know?

He never considered it cuz he just never did.

He's not embarrassed about his feelings, though he may be a little flustered.

He feels so dumb after the suggestion was made.

Bro was like, how did I never think of that.

Now that he knows though, he is going straight to you.

You were playing cards with Splinter and Raph when Donny approached you.

"Y/n!" He said with a smile on his face.

"Hey D! What's up?"

"Actually, now that you ask," he rubbed the back of his neck "I was wondering if I could speak with you in private for a moment?"

"Oh uhhhh, sure, just. Let me find someone to give my hand to."

"Splinter grabbed your cards from your hand, Michelangelo!"

"Yeeeeeess?" Mikey looked over the back of the couch to where you were playing.

"Come here, you are playing in place of y/n" he said waving Mikey over.

You cringed, you were doing so well! You may not have beat Splinter but you were beating Raph!

"Oh oh, I like where this game is headin'," Raph grinned.

You groaned, Mikey was totally going to ruin whatever victory you had in mind.

Regardless, after everything with the game was settled you followed Donny out of the lair and into the turtle van parked in the garage. Donny was fidgeting with his fingers the whole way there. It set a sort of awkward tone for the silence. You were also slightly concerned too, it wasn't like Donny to be nervous and fidgety. Awkward, sure. Nervous? No.

When you took your seat in the van Donny sat himself right across from you, though he didn't look you in the eye.

"So what's up Donny? Is something wrong?"

"Oh no! Not wrong perse," he finally looked at you, "Just trying to figure out how exactly I want to word this."

You were getting more nervous by the second. What was he going to tell you. He always had the right words to articulate what he's thinking. Why now is it difficult? You started picking at your fingers waiting for him to speak again.

"Okay, I think I've got it!" He said turning to look you fully in the eye now.

"Y/n, you have always been one of my closest friends. I enjoy our conversations and having you around makes me smile,"

This could being in their a really good direction or a really bad one but all you knew is that you were really confused.

"However recently my feelings have developed into something a bit... more," he paused. His chest tightened and his stomach felt hollow.

"I don't want to hide my feelings or pretend like they're not there. I understand if you can't return my feelings but I figure it's only fair that you know that I.." he reached out and put your hand in his, "I'm in love with you."

Mikey:

Out of all of them I feel like Mikey is the most likely to be direct.

If he's not it is solely because he's embarrassed.

Dude will blush and giggle at you like a flustered school girl.

It honestly looks so stupid but in a strangely endearing way.

When Mikey tries to be subtle with his feelings about you it doesn't work.

To an outside viewer it doesn't look like he's trying at all.

He is though.

He really is🥲

So it's safe to say that when the revelation is made that you didn't know, everyone was kinda shocked.

(Raph might have called you dumb)

They probably confronted you about Mikeys feelings, after assuming that you already knew and didn't reciprocate, hence your lack of action.

They'd be all, 'look your our friend but if you don't like Mikey you need to tell him so he can get over you'

And you'll just sit there like, 'but I do like Mikey, what do you mean????'

Once you figure out that they mean ROMANTIC feelings Mikey will be horrified that they told you.

"You have a crush on me?" You asked Mikey curiously.

"Wha- WHA- WHAT?!!"

You were sitting on the couch while Mikeys brothers surrounded you. They were trying to tell you something about letting Mikey down easy. It took a while for you to understand what they were saying but when you finally did you were shocked. You had no idea. So when Mikey came from the kitchen with his normal carefree attitude, asking him was all you could think to say.

"WHO TOLD YOU THAT!" Mikey panicked and looked at his brothers with a mix of betrayal and embarrassment, "DUDES??!"

"Eheh. Sorry Mikey, we thought they already knew," Donny shrugged. He felt bad for outing his brother but what's done is done.

"If we had known they were more dense then you we wouldn't have said anything," Raph told him slightly peeved.

"HEY!" you frowned at Raph.

"YOU TOLD THEM!!" Mikey was in full jittery panic at this point.

"We thought they already knew considering how... obvious, you've been. We thought they were leading you on," Leo explained, "We didn't mean to tell them Mikey." Leo looked apologetic.

"I think we should leave you two to talk about this," Leo told the others and led them somewhere else in the lair.

You and Mikey didn't move. He stood there starring at the floor while you were starring at him.

"So was what they were saying right? Do you have... feelings for me?"

"I... umm... yeah," Mikey told you, completely red in the face.

"Well that's good," you giggled.

"huh?"

"I do too."

[luselih]

hello!! i hope you're doing good at this moment :>

i saw that your requests were open and i wish to make one (if it's too uncomfy or not something that you want to write that's totally fine ^^). i was wondering if i could request a hurt/comfort or just comfort fic with fem!reader that struggles with eating disorders (ana and bulimia) ft. bllk characters oliver, tokimitsu and yukimiya (+ any other ones if you want to)? maybe something like them comforting her after a bad episode or talking with her about it in a general way. i hope that's not too vague or too specific, and again!! totally cool if you don't like the idea of this request!!

byebye ^-^

summary/ask: their s/o struggles with anorexia and/or bulimia (angst and comfort!)

content warnings | eating disorders so heavy themes ahead!, fem! reader , bad eating habits and mental health, bad relationship w food, vomiting, physical comfort and emotional support from them, shorter than i intended to be + more?…

a/n - i have done my research on bulimia and anorexia before and i have couple of friends who suffer from them so i will try to write it good, keep in mind that i am chubby person so myb some parts in this aren’t as good as others (plus i barely write for Tokimutsu too so) :( please take care of yourself anon, i am here for you <3 sorry if it is too short :((

YUKIMIYA

My yuki :( He’s a sweetest one of them all. When you opened to him about it in yours relationship he felt honored, really. His gentle hands taking your shaking hands in his, kissing your knuckles and tip of fingers as he’s even gentler eyes looked at you so softly, his voice barely higher than a whisper.

“my lovely, thank you for having enough trust to share something like this. i am here for you, in both for better and for worse times. don’t forget that. ever.”

His body making you finally relax after a long time, your head on his chest as his chest. His lips kissing the crown of your head as one of his hands rubbed your shoulder and another one your hand that rested on other side of his chest, your legs tangled up as the peaceful slumber creeped on both of you.

TOKIMITSU

My boy is not entirely sure what to do or react when you said that you suffer from an eating disorder. He panicked at the first, he loved you dearly and didn’t want to do anything wrong or hurt you at any point, so he took a deep breath. Relaxing his stiffened shoulders from his overwhelming anxiety and took you into his hands. His warm yet gentle gigantic body immediately relaxing your body, his hands rubbing your arms softly as he whisper sweet nothings against your lips after a harsh period for you, he’s staying here for you and you will never be alone in hard times and he’s always going to be your number one supporter :)

OLIVER

He might not like it, but he cares deeply in his own teasing ways. He WILL pull you into his lap and pout like a little baby when you can sense a nasty self harming episode approaching, whining your ears out while those dumb puppy look from his eyes stared at your face closely.

“i wont let go till you tell me what’s wrong. i know when something is wrong but i for sure can’t read your mind, so pretty please”

So when you finally craved and said how you feel helplessness, fearful and just unhappy he kisses out those tears that feel from your eyes down your cheeks and kisses your lips next and just maybe shows how much he adored your body in more than one way later ;)

+ BAROU

You cursed yourself for having unexpected episode of binge eating late last night, having an urge to eat leftovers from dinner late at 3 am and now late morning, your weak arm holding onto toilet bowl as other hold onto your hair, trying not to get it in your tired face that was almost covered in your own tears, vomit and drool. As you get that feeling in your stomach, you felt unexpected touch, he saw you. Your boyfriend Barou wake up and found you in a so called “unsightly” position and situation. Your overthinking was cut short when your body reflexively went back to vomiting but this time, Barou’s hands put your hair in a quick ponytail and with one hand he wrapped around your waist and pressed you close to his core, your body finally getting warmer from long time kneeling on cold marble, his deep and warm voice ringing in your ear as he rubbed your back comfortably.

“It’s okay…it’s okay, i an here now…shhhh..”

When he make sure you are finished with vomiting he picked up your face with his strong hands, cradling you in his lap as he kissed your forehead, then connecting your forehead together as both pairs of eyes closed, he whispered.

“We are going through this together, okay? Don’t think you will be ever be left alone again when i am here for you in everything.”

[vaugarde]

"oughhh you can't like carmine, she's abusive, she says 'its not like i hit him' in one scene so she's toxic and bad and you shouldn't portray her in a sympathetic light!!!" speaking as someone who genuinely has a toxic relationship with his older brother... shut up lmao

[hella1975]

lately ive been crying like a tall child. etc. if you even care

[infinitelystrangemachinex]

Mel for the unhinged character bingo!

yessss YEEEESSSSSSSSS

[aria0fgold]

The way an emulator slowly "breaks" the more you use its save states and then reverts back to normal once you restarted it has got to be poetic in its own way.

[slocumjoe]

hey uhhh i went thru ur oc post history and u said gus set himself on fire?? pls context

I love this character because whenever someone asks about him I always have to take a deep breath and get comfortable and suck a breath in through my teeth. I treat him so poorly

More Gus lore, because that specific event is actually tied to the very first event that would fuck him up forever, so I can't really talk about it without going in depth.

This is explaining the core tenent of Augustijn's story, which is guilt and its dangers. Basically, where that constant guilt came from, and how it...turned out for him...

It turns out okay. Just...takes 200+ years, an apocalypse, a divorce, and his son dying! 🥳Yay🥳

Tw; Religious trauma, child abuse, suicide, drug use, cannibalism, mental illnesses, and yet another suicide attempt.

So, some background, Gus's mom, Emma, was a fanatic catholic and generally Bat Shit about religion. As you might imagine, this is the Direct Source of both Gus' questionable worldviews, traumas, and his biological inclination to uuuhhh bad Head Times.

Emma was raised mildly religious, but she...took to it too hard? Her family was not the cause of her obsession, Gus's grandparents and uncles/aunts over there actually cut her off at one point, because she was starting to worry them but reaching out led to her lashing out. So, they just...backed off. Emma herself was a simple, homebody woman, who wanted to be at home raising her kids, and tending her garden. She would have been this way even without the religious thing.

But Emma and her side of the family were prone to addiction, see? And religion became her point of fixation and obsession. This could have still been okay, if not for the church she went into. A catholic church in the Hague that was known by all for being kind of fucking out there, even by other hardcore Catholics. This was one she went into, and even her grandchild 240+ years later would feel the ripple of this decision.

Emma goes into church and gets gnarly ideas about how life works. Its a woman's duty to have kids and raise them, to be good to her husband and her house, to listen and obey her men. Sin is inevitable and everyone does it, only those that admit and accept punishment can get another chance at Paradise. God knows every action you take and he does not care for the context, he only cares about the action. There is no "well, but" under the Lord.

Emma has mental illness, some kind of depression and anxiety, so this Big Brother Watching And Judging fucked her up. Especially since her church, in particular, was physically abusive if you did not confess to anything during confession. They thought if you had nothing to confess, you were lying.

At this point, she's met and engaged to Theodore Reinier, a rich heir to a European manufacturing company. He's pretty, a gentleman, and best of all, rich, so she can have as big and luxurious a garden as she wants. She likes him. She does not love him. She's in her twenties and unmarried with no kids, and her poor family needs to be taken care of. So she marries him. Theodore is smart enough to see this for what it is, and kind enough to allow it. He lets his wife do her own thing and treats her as a friend, rather than a lover. She hates this, she wants to be a wife (she doesnt). She wants kids, he gives her one. Augustijn. This birth goes rough, and she's told no more children.

Theodore makes one rule; August goes to a different church, or he does not go at all. Theo really didn't like Emma's church and he certainly wasn't exposing his kid to that shit.

Emma pretends to agree and takes Gus to That Church. Theo doesn't attend, so he doesn't know this is happening until much later. Gus gets all the same nasty shit Emma does. Theo learns of this when he sees Gus covered in bruises from confession beatings. This puts a huge rift between him and Emma, and he pulls all the strings he can to have her church shut down.

Emma grows to resent and hate Theo and Augustijn for not being the perfect husband and child she deserves as a good, God fearing house wife. Augustijn is left to his nannies, Emma hides away in her private garden, fuming. Theodore tries to bond with his son, but Emma's poisoned that well.

Emma tells Augustijn about demons, to fear them. She specifically tells him about church grims, demons that hunt around churches in the form of a dog to drag sinners to hell. She says this as she's admiring her new obsidian dog statues for her garden.

Eventually, Emma goes yellow wallpaper and loses her mind, and is sent to therapy and put on medications. Augustijn loathes his father for his mother's state. Theodore just wants his friend and son okay. But Emma, as she's out in town, coming back from therapy, she stops at a friend's house while the friend isn't there, and hooks up with the woman's husband. Friend's husband was stern, strict with his wife, God fearing, and generally an obnoxious 50s ideal shithead husband. Everything Emma wanted. This wasn't out of nowhere, it was brewing in the background. She knew both of them from her old church.

Emma goes home, and finally having a reason for the guilt that's always plagued her, elects to acknowledge her sin. She drowns herself in the pond of her garden, stared down by three dark, ruby-eyed dogs, overseeing her passage into the afterlife. Her young son comes into the garden to meet his mother, after she's been gone all day, only to find her in a red pool. He looks up into the eyes of the dogs. He remembers nothing of this incident, blocking it out and having been too young to understand.

Years pass, and Augustijn turns to drugs as well, though his come from the darkest parts of the Hague, rather than a doctor. He turns to sex, to crime, to anything he thinks will either corrupt him so much he doesn't care, or will finally make his guilt feel justified. He wears his mother's cross necklace through it all, and sees her beloved dog with every sin.

Augustijn goes to America for college, to Harvard, studying to become a pastor himself. (This is maybe the most terrifying part of him, the fact that he almost got it). But he doesn't feel satisfied with it, has a moment of clarity and realizes he isn't fit to preach anything. The grim certainly doesn't think so. He instead follows his only friend, Isadora, into the military. The US government allowing their soldiers to do chems means his failed drug tests don't matter.

Augustijn becomes a sniper. He has always hurt people, excelled in it, but taking life frightens him, because he knows he has no right to decide who lives or dies, not like this. But he's in China, and he's told to kill. He does, and he's very good at it. His teammates marvel at just how scrappy and determined he is, like a weed, a mold.

The Biandukou Pass Incident occurs. He eats his entire team, trapped in a Chinese mountain range during a blizzard.

Delirious from almost two months of surviving on nothing but psycho and human flesh, Augustijn is let loose back into Boston, honorably discharged. His lingering hallucinations from his Daytripper addiction, mixed with psycho withdrawal, trauma, guilt, shame, the fear of God—everything culminates. He looks up and sees the figure that has haunted him since that one, awful day; the church grim, staring expectantly.

His mother drowned herself, so he thought it fitting if he set himself ablaze.

[theokusgallery]

God I've been listening to Wolves Run Together today and I'm back to thinking about the lines

If all the good in me is because of you // Are you to blame for the bad, too? // 'Cause I've walked holes inside my shoes for you

Because like??? Oh my god????? I feel like it's something that could be said from either Nick or Sun's perspectives, like how the whole song is almost like a duet between the two of them

Nick knows how far he's gone but doesn't quite care, but I think it'd be interesting if he's very aware of the hole he's dug for himself. No way but down for him in his mind; besides, he's happier for it, so why the hell not?

And for Sun, its like he knows he's surrendering himself entirely to Nick, but chooses to anyways. Much like his partner, this is something he finds happiness and comfort and safety in. He would rather have this known environment than taking his chances without him, even if this environment is very much a toxic one.

The two make each other happy, but they also know they're slowly killing one another with their horrible habits. It's not like they'll stop though, they're too far gone.

God I love dynamics like this HDHSHDHFJF

(also I think Nick and Sun would make for fantastic OCs given how far their personalities are being pushed from canon. You don't have to, of course, but I think it could give you a lot of freedom!)

YES YES YES THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THEM

The thing is that... Especially for Sunny, but for both of them— they know they're not... healthy. They're horrible for each other, but that's why they're good for each other, they're— they fit together. They'll both go to terrible, terrible lengths for one another, but at least they'll do it together. It's unhealthy, but it's... consensually unhealthy. If that's even a thing. They're both like candles constantly fueling each other's flame, and they are melting, but boy do they love the burn. They're horrible for each other because they fit so well together.

They make each other so so much worse but they fucking love it (for Sunny, despite himself; for Nick, completely by choice).

[thespoonisvictory]

I need to stop being a hater on everyone’s wbn suvi and ame opinions but my god

[m1d-45]

3 am me was a fucking liar, I actually have two favorites. Chongyun's the other one. Anyways the fic was so good that I was kicking my feet and giggling to myself the entire time after I finished reading it.

xingqiu and chongyun are so silly goofy i love them

glad you enjoyed!

[callixton]

i have joked abt it. multiple times w different people but if there’s one thing that boy can rely on me for i Will get him work. like he does sort of have me wrapped around his finger when it comes to casting but In My Defense it is also true in reverse

[guubiiz]

trein...

[vaugarde]

another wc take is that the girlbossification of mapleshade is boring as hell

[buckleydiazmp4]

wow i just saw. a Take

[captainfantasticalright]

In 1985, one of the only persons interested in an interview with a “new” writer called Terry Pratchett, after his publication of the Colour of Magic, was one Neil Gaiman. Neil Gaiman was writing for Space Voyager at the time. "The Colour of Pratchett" was the name given here:

It ran exactly one page inside the June/July issue of that year. The interview took place in a Chinese restaurant in London.

Here is Neil many years later holding that issue. You can see it here if you want. Warning: extremely emotional video.

Neil arrived wearing a grey homburg hat. “Sort of like the ones Humphrey Bogart wears in movies” he later wrote. (Before saying that in fact he did not look like him, but like someone wearing a grown-up’s hat). Terry Pratchett, photo courtesy of one @neil-gaiman, was in a Lenin-style leather cap and a harlequin-patterned pullover. At this point, Terry was already a hat person, although not that hat.

Terry offered Neil this : "An interview needn't last more than 15 minutes. A good quote for the beginning, a good quote for the end, and the rest you make up back at the office"*. (Terry Pratchett had worked many years in journalism by this point ).

But the meeting went terribly well. The two of them realized they had "the same sort of brains". So well indeed, that in 1985, Neil had shown Terry a file containing 5282 words, exploring a scenario in which Richmal Crompton's William Brown had somehow become the Antichrist. Was a collaboration in the cards as of that moment? Not really. But Terry found in Neil someone to whom he could send disks of work in progress and to whom he could pick up the phone sometimes when he hit a brick in the road of his writing.

Terry loved it and the concept stayed in his mind. A couple of years later, he rang Neil to ask him if he had done any more work on it. Neil had been busy with The Sandman, he had not really given it another thought. Terry said, "Well I know what happens next, so either you sell me the idea or we can write it together". **

And as you know, unless you’ve been living in Alpha Centauri, the rest is history. That was the beginning of what would become William the Antichrist and later would get the name Good Omens:The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch. (Title provided by Neil Gaiman and subtitle by Terry Pratchett).

From the introduction to William the Antichrist: “In the summer of 1987 several odd ideas came together: (..)I found myself imagining a book called William the Antichrist, in which a hapless demon was going to be responsible for swapping the wrong baby over, and the son of the US Ambassador would be completely undemonic, while William Brown would grow up to be the Antichrist, and the demon would need to stop him ending the world. The unfortunate demon, whom I called Crawleigh, because Crawley was a nearby town with an unfortunate name, would have to sort it all out as best he could.

It felt like a story with legs.

Terry took the 5,000 words, and rewrote them, calling me to tell me what he was doing and what he was planning to do. The biggest thing he was going to do, he told me, was split the hapless demon into two characters – a would-be-cool demon in dark glasses (which was, I think, Terry’s way of making fun of me, a never-actually- cool journalist in dark glasses) who had renamed himself Crowley, and a rare-book dealer and angel called Aziraphale, who would embody all the English awkwardness that either of us could conceive.”

William the Antichrist being a direct inspiration of the 1976 film The Omen. If the baby swap had just been a little bit messier and the kid had gone off somewhere else he would have grown up as somebody else. “And then there was a beat and I thought, I should write it, it will be called William the Antichrist” says Neil. ***

“The first draft of Good Omens was a William-book. It was absolutely in every way it could be a William book. It had Violet Elizabeth Bott, it had William and the Outlaws, it had Mr. Brown”.

Over time they realized that they would have more creative freedom if they in their own words filed off the serial numbers. William and the Outlaws becoming Adam and the Them.

But the spirit of Just William was never far away.

The joy for Neil was to construct “perfectly William sentences”. The one when Anathema tells Adam that she has lost the Book, and he tells her that he has written a book about a pirate who became a famous detective and it is 8 pages long… that’s “a William sentence”.

Good Omens was also inspired by a particularly antisemitic moment in The Jew of Malta and John le Carre's spy novels. (Neil’s ask)

“When we finished the book we estimated that the words were 60% Terry’s and 40% mine, and the plot, such as it was, was entirely ours.”

(Here are some slides of mine where I go into some other details concerning the origins of Good Omens).

*Quote: from Terry Pratchett A Life With Footnotes by Rob Wilkins, but said by Terry of course.

** All the quotes, facts listed here : see above.

***all other quotes by Neil Gaiman from various interviews and asks I’ll link.

[ariaste]

The Magic Trick You Didn’t See: Being An Analysis of Good Omens Season 2

(or: Neil Gaiman, Your Brain is Gorgeous But I Have Cracked Your Sneaky Little Code And Have You Dead To Rights*) (*Maybe)

***

Soooooo I just spent the last 48 hours having a BREATHTAKING GALAXY BRAIN EPIPHANY about Good Omens Season 2 and feverishly writing a fuckin16,000 word essay about the incredible magic trick that @neil-gaiman pulled off. 

Yes, it’s long, but I PROMISE your brains will explode. Do you want to know how magic works? Do you want to know what Metatron’s deal is (I’m like 99% sure of this and it’s EXTREMELY FUCKING GOOD)? Do you want to know about the Mystery of the Vanishing Eccles Cakes and the big fat beautiful clue I found in the opening credits? Do you go through the whole inventory of Chekov’s Firearm & Heavy Artillery Discount Warehouse? 

Here is the essay, go read it: https://docs.google.com/document/d/193IXS11XN46lziHRb6eUpM17yK0BQkRqke1Wh64A_e0/ When ur done u can tell me I’m an insane crackpot, and u know what, i won’t even be offended

In case you don’t know whether you want to bother reading the whole enormous thing on google docs, I’ve put the first couple sections of it under the cut. JUST TRUST ME OKAY, HEAR ME OUT, THIS IS VERY EXTREMELY COOL, NEIL IS GOOD AT HIS JOB--

Proem

A dark theater. The rustling of the audience: clothes, breathing, whispers of anticipation. The lights come up. A man enters, stage left. He is a magician—a master magician—and he performs for you a magic trick so good and so subtle... that you don’t even notice you’ve seen it. 

You know there must have been a trick—after all, you came to the theater to see a trick performed, didn’t you? And he claims to be a magician. So there had to be a trick somewhere. There had to be.

But maybe there wasn’t. Maybe there was just a man on a stage, talking to you, telling you a story with a strangely unsatisfying ending you didn’t quite understand. 

I know. This is a weird beginning to an analysis essay. But hear me out, because I have to explain the mechanisms of the stage before I can show you what the trick was, where the trapdoor was hidden, and how Neil Gaiman pulled the whole thing off so gently and elegantly that you didn’t notice a thing. Ready? Here we go.

The Facts As We Know Them

Let us begin by establishing a baseline—some fundamental, logical assumptions that underpin the magic trick. These will seem obvious as soon as I say them, which is precisely the point: They are self-evident, loadbearing foundations for my entire argument, and if I don’t point them out, I’m going to sound like a crackpot conspiracy theorist. (Which! To be fair, I might be. I could easily be wrong about all this—but I don’t think I am.)

Our baseline, loadbearing assumptions that preface my Grand Unified Theory of Season 2: 

1. Neil Gaiman is extremely good at his job.

2. Neil Gaiman loves these characters and wants with all his heart to do them justice; likewise, he has a great deal of respect, love, and admiration for Terry Pratchett and is striving VERY HARD to write the show the way Terry would have been happy with.

3. The devil, as they say, is in the details: Neil Gaiman and the entire Good Omens cast/crew are fully capable of doing extremely subtle detail work, as conclusively proven in Season 1 Ep 6, specifically the whole sequence of the body-swap scenes.

With me so far? Great.

The Elephant In The Room

Season 2 was... odd. It was odd, wasn’t it. This isn’t a matter of whether you loved it or hated it—there was just something odd going on.

I spent the entirety of my first viewing very much enjoying myself and being very happy to be back with these characters and this world, but I was also liveblogging to my groupchat as I went, and a theme soon began emerging:

“Neil, what are you doing? Where are you going with this?” “What in god’s name is going on here? I’m so lost lmao.” “What is going on with the music situation?” “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE NEIL” “zombies, ok, I trust u to pull this all together in the end, Neil, but I still don't know what you're up to” “What is going on LOL” “Incredibly what is going on here” “NEIL! WHAT IS HAPPENING!” “Literally what is happening” “Neil Gaiman why have you constructed a regency au for mystery VIBES reasons” “just????????? lesbians????????? dancing what's HAPPENING. just all the background characters are gay here ok sure sure sure NEIL GAIMAN WHAT IS HAPPENING--” “mmmmmmm neil what u doin”

All these are copied verbatim from my liveblogging, and apparently I am not the only one to have this reaction. And to be clear, I was having a good time! I came out to this theater to see a magic trick, and this Neil Gaiman guy on stage is a master magician—but I didn’t see the trick, even though there must have been a trick. 

At first, I wasn’t sure how I felt about the season. I wanted to like it! Indeed, there were many things that I liked about it! But I felt a bit muddled and jumbled up and confused—I felt like there was something I didn’t understand about it, and so I couldn’t yet understand how I felt about it either.

I started chewing on this question in a friend’s DMs: Why is season 2 so fucking odd? What is going on here, Neil? What are you up to? The matter of whether he was up to something was never in question. I knew that he had to be up to something. Writers are always up to something, and as I watched season 2, it was as if I was watching Neil scamper around the room with a mischievous expression as he messed with things here and there and made little tweaks and adjustments to the arrangement of all the Chekov’s guns he’s stockpiling on the mantelpiece. 

You see, Season 2 has some very bad writing in it. HANG ON, DON’T ARGUE WITH ME YET! THIS IS NOT A JUDGMENT CALL!! This is the rug that the trick’s secret mechanism is hidden under!!! This is the hidden mirror that makes the trick work!!!!! This is the trapdoor in the stage!

Yes, of course I will explain myself.

Neil Gaiman is a master magician, but I am a pretty damn good magician myself—I’m a professional fantasy author who has published nine books, and I teach workshops for apprentice writers online and at universities—and if there is one thing I have learned about the process of achieving mastery of your craft, it is this: 

Regardless of what medium they’re working in, the apprentice artist is concerned primarily with achieving realism via an expansion of their control—control of their brush strokes as they paint a photorealistic eye; control of their deck of cards, the mechanisms of their magic tricks, and where the audience’s attention is being directed; control of all the little factors of voice, plot, character, setting, suspense and surprise that go into writing a good story. However, the master artist has achieved that control—so much so that it often looks effortless to an untrained eye—and sometimes the master artist returns to a messy, amateurish style simply because they have control even over this too. 

As an example, consider Picasso and his entire body of work. He begins as an apprentice focused on achieving control, doing portraits of people that look like people—like what we expect a portrait of a person to look like. Then, as he grows in skill and gradually achieves mastery, he pulls away from realism. He develops a style, he experiments with faces that don’t look like any human alive  colored in ways that do not appear in nature. He expands his control. His work becomes abstract. Towards the end of his life, he starts experimenting with what’s called “Naive art”, something that a 5 year old could theoretically draw... but you have to achieve mastery before you can do it on purpose and have it look good. 

On one hand, Neil Gaiman is extremely good at his job. On the other hand, Season 2 has bad writing in it.

What does that tell us?

Well, we know from our Baseline Assumptions that Neil Gaiman is simply too good of a writer to fuck up through garden-variety clumsiness and lack-of-control the way an apprentice writer would. Additionally, he cannot fuck up by accident in this case because I am positive that the man is scrutinizing his work on Good Omens far too closely to let anything slide—for Crowley and Aziraphale’s sakes, for David and Michael’s sakes, and especially for Terry’s sake. The stakes are sky-high, and he cares too much to write a weird, kind of “bad” season by accident.

Which leaves only one option: He did it on purpose.

(Am I sounding like a crackpot conspiracy theorist? Baby, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. I’m gonna get SO MUCH MORE CRACKPOT.)

If he did it on purpose, then the natural question to ask is: WHY!?!?!??

It’s a great question. Not “Why?” in terms of why he as an individual person with emotions would decide to do that, mind you. More like, “What purpose does this serve for the structure of the narrative?” There is a story he is intending to tell, and out of all the choices he could have possibly made, for some reason this one was necessary and correct in order to achieve that end goal—so what was that reason?

See? Intentionality. He knows exactly what details he left in, and he did it on purpose. (Editing! It’s important!)

So there has to be a reason. It’s like when a master magician “casually” rubs an itch on his nose—why did he do that? What is he sneakily slipping into his mouth by hiding it under the excuse of this little gesture that does not even register to you as meaningful? (If you haven’t watched enough stage magic to know what I mean, watch this.)

This question is, of course, impossible to simply answer out of thin air without any further evidence. It is a dead end—so we must adjust the question and come at it from a different angle.

The one I settled on when I was chewing on this was: Well, okay, what do I mean when I say “bad writing”? What is it about S2 that makes it feel so goddamn odd?

The Pledge, The Turn, and... The Conspicuous, Expectant Silence

There are three parts to a magic trick: Pledge, Turn, Prestige. 

First, the Pledge: You show the audience something ordinary. Second, the Turn: You make that ordinary thing do something extraordinary, like vanish. Third, the Prestige: You bring the ordinary thing back.

To quote the 2006 film The Prestige just after its explanation of the first two parts: “You want to be fooled. But you wouldn’t clap yet, because making something disappear isn’t enough. You have to bring it back.”

You have to bring it back.

When I teach apprentice writers, I call this a “setup-payoff cycle”. Achieving control and dexterity with this tool is crucial, because the setup-payoff cycle is the engine of the story—it’s what makes the story run. You can have a setup-payoff cycle at any scale—I have read ones that were a single sentence long; I’ve read ones that were two books long. Additionally, all jokes, no matter how long they are, are structured on a setup/payoff cycle. These cycles work precisely the same way a magic trick does:

You set up the audience’s expectations. (Optional but generally considered stylish and elegant: You give those expectations a firm jolt to throw the audience off-balance.) You pay off the audience’s expectations in a way they weren’t expecting, while saying “TA DA!!!!” really loud with your arms flung wide.

Audiences really like this. A setup-payoff cycle executed just right makes the audience’s brains light up like Times Square and hammers on their mental “reward” buttons like nothing else. It’s like you’ve personally handed them a cookie and a gold star. They go wild for this.

Here’s an example of a setup-payoff cycle, though it’s not a perfect one—and you’ve probably heard it before, so you’re not going to be throwing chairs and tearing down the theater from sheer glee:

The Setup: Knock knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? The Jolt: (the joke starts over and repeats several times without reaching the payoff (aka the prestige) while the audience grows more and more annoyed and frustrated about the unfulfilled expectations, until finally...) Knock knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? The Payoff: ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN’T SAY BANANA?

Good Omens Season 2 feels so fucking odd because the setup-payoff cycles are incomplete—nearly all of them are, and the ones that do close the loop do so in really weird ways which, as a professional author, make me feel kind of, “Bwuh?????? But where’s my cookie? Excuse me??? Sir???? Neil????? My cookie, tho???”

When I realized this, when I finally put my finger on why the whole season was giving me some uncanny valley heebie-jeebies, a chill ran down my spine. (The rest is here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/193IXS11XN46lziHRb6eUpM17yK0BQkRqke1Wh64A_e0/ I’M GOING TO GO STARE INTO THE ABYSS NOW BYE)