#MIRI deserves a cat

[love-laugh-daydreamarevolt]

I am convinced that after the events of the last episode, Kazuki went and found that cat.

[strawhatboy]

I have something worth protecting, too. | happy birthday mica! @princesskazuya 🥹✨️

[oryu404]

Alrighty guys. I know a lot of us had hoped for Rei to get a cat at the end. It's obvious he has a soft spot for them, he deserves the world, give that man his cat, am I right? And there have to be plenty of strays where they live, too. A food establishment by the beach.

So how about this...

---

The first stray sighting happens shortly after they've moved. Kazuki sees Rei looking at the cat, hesitant but obviously wanting to approach it, and says something like

"Nuh uh. Not gonna happen."

They argue. Kazuki isn't thrilled about the idea of adding a pet to the chaos that is their life at the moment, but Rei did prove himself as a caretaker and responsible adult over the past year. Not to mention he's a lot better at fighting for what he wants than he was last time they had this conversation, and Kazuki finds it endearing enough to almost cave.

But pets aren't cheap, their daughter is going to get more expensive as she grows older, and they have a business to run. It's not really a no; it's a not now. They should get settled here first, see how well the diner fares. Maybe they can talk about it again in another year?

Rei begrudgingly agrees, because Kazuki does have a decent point there. He's pouty for the rest of the day.

For a while, Kazuki doesn't really notice anything different. They're way too busy building up their brand new life. But as the dust settles and their new routines start to become familiar, some things start to stand out.

Like Rei happily taking out the trash every night. Like, very happily, as if he'd been looking forward to it. He always takes his sweet time doing it, too. Surely dumping a few trash bags into a container wouldn't take that long. Not that Kazuki would ever complain or comment, because the guy was disabled, for fuck's sake.

Another thing is the strays he keeps spotting. Had there always been this many? Were they reproducing that fast? Kazuki shrugs it off. It makes sense, they're likely not getting spayed or neutered. And of course they'd hang around the diner. It's doing quite well, apparently drawing in more than just customers with its delicious smells. Ahhh the magic of good cooking.

It's not until things from their pantry and fridge go missing, that an internal alarm bell goes off. Leftover chicken or salmon, Hamburg steaks, sausages, cans of tuna. He barely dodges another fight with Miri when he assumes she's eaten them (what? She's a growing girl? He can't blame her for being hungry!) but manages a last minute save. Rei is awfully quiet during this whole conversation, but confesses to his crimes later that night when Miri is asleep in her bed.

"I have to show you something."

And Kazuki wonders if he should be surprised when Rei leads him downstairs, outside through the back, where he squats down and cracks the lip of a can of tuna with one hand. The sound summons what have to be at least a dozen cats from various different directions, all meowing loudly as they twirl around Rei and headbutt his hands and legs.

"I don't need to get a cat anymore," Rei says as if he hasn't officially adopted the whole neighborhood pack.

"I bet," Kazuki sighs, helping him open the can and dump the Tuna on the concrete. "Miri... Is she your accomplice?"

".... Maybe."

So a yes, then. Not that it matters, because Rei might be the closest to beaming he'll ever get, and Kazuki is only slightly weaker to his partner than he is to their daughter. Which is to say, he's totally screwed.

"They stay outside," is all he says, squatting down beside Rei to pet the cat closest to him.

A few days later, Miri's latest masterpiece–a donation jar with cat decorations– graces the countertop of the diner. After all, they'll need to help do something about the population control before they go broke feeding strays.

[rxttenfish]

envisioning miranda lounging on her back, going full Twist, purring at maximum volume and kneading at the air, while aaravi just scritches at the fuzz at her cheeks, quietly amused, asks "god, you're just a big kitty, aren't you?"

[stardust-on-the-tardis]

Calamity has struck. The demon kitten is big enough to jump onto the kitchen counters. Each time she does I drop her to the floor while hissing. Each time she hits the floor she flops over as though I have grievously injured her, looking pathetic and weak. Each time her sister come over to start grooming her, to check if she's alright. And each time she is rewarded for her kindness by immediately having the shit kicked out of her by the demon kitten

[whilereadingandwalking]

As always, my favorites of the year list was beset by last minute changes, doubts, and decisions, especially because this year I forced myself into a top 10!

Second photo is my honorable mentions...I literally already have regrets! Ask me anything about these top choices—I'm happy to share my reviews, thoughts, and more!

My Top Ten of 2023:

Tale of Genji by Lady Murasaki Shikibu tr. Seidensticker

Nettle & Bone by T. Kingfisher

Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield

We Deserve Monuments by Jas Hammonds

The Vaster Wilds by Lauren Groff

What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat by Aubrey Gordon

Ace by Angela Chen

Babel by R.F. Kuang

Chain-Gang All-Stars by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah

Our Share of Night by Mariana Enríquez tr. McDowell

Honorable mentions:

Now Go: On Grief and Studio Ghibli by Karl Thomas Smith

What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami tr. Gabriel

The Water Outlaws by S.L. Huang

White Cat, Black Dog: Stories by Kelly Link

The Word for World is Forest by Ursula K. Le Guin

When the Hibiscus Falls by M. Evelina Galang

Let Us Descend by Jesmyn Ward

The Spare Man by Mary Robinette Kowal

Bleed: Destroying Myths and Misogyny in Endometriosis Care by Tracey Lindeman

Never a City So Real by Alex Kotlowitz

The Crown Ain't Worth Much by Hanif Abdurraqib

Sons of Darkness (Jan ’24) by Gourav Mohanty

The End of August by Yū Miri tr. Giles

(Unpictured): Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao

(Unpictured): The Thick and the Lean by Chana Porter

[logicalbookthief]

With the return of Misaki and the uncertainty over Miri’s custody, I think it’s time to talk about the cat.

Because the cat is a direct parallel, and the reason why I believe things will go differently this time around, since they’ve both grown a lot over the last year.

The argument over the cat perfectly illustrates the crux of Rei & Kazuki’s issues at the start of the series.

Kazuki tells Rei that buying food for the cat isn't enough, you have to be willing to put in the work — and, given that he was gone for one night and comes home to an apartment filled with smoke, along with a pile of take-out and garbage, he was 100% justified in refusing the stray. Genuinely I don’t get why Kazuki taking this stance got the hate it did, any responsible pet owner would look at the Rei of Ep 1 and agree he was not ready for a cat.

However, this is something that Rei grows to understand when he’s left to care for Miri on his own in Ep 7 and Kazuki isn’t around to shoulder that responsibility. Rei realizes that his actions, or inaction, can negatively affect the people in his care, and it gives him a reason to change. I think it also gives him a new appreciation for everything Kazuki does, hence his attempt at French toast.

But I feel we don't discuss Kazuki's reason for giving up the cat enough, because they’re two sides of the same coin.

What he’s saying is objectively true and you can tell he’s speaking from a place of experience with what happened to Yuzuko. However, he is only focused on how what they do can affect the other people in their lives. No mention of how it would feel to lose someone or any lingering on how lonely this life is.

It’s a contrast to Rei, who brings home the stray without a second thought, simply because he wants to, not considering the impact it would have on the cat. Kazuki takes this to the opposite extreme, only considering what’s best for the cat and completely ignoring his own wants and feelings.

So, as we know, the cat is left where Rei found it. Not an ideal situation, no — much like leaving Miri with her mother would be, considering she did abandon her before — but it is the safer option in both cases.

Watch these scenes and tell me he isn’t fond of the cat. And when he realizes it’s cold and comes back with food for the little guy? Yeah, don’t tell me he wasn’t already attached.

But he comes back to an empty box. Implying to Kazuki, and to us the audience, that the cat was taken in by someone who could give it the normal, loving life that it deserves, which is why Kazuki leaves with a smile.

It is interesting to note that despite his disagreement, Rei went along with Kazuki’s decision over the cat, just as he went along with Kazuki’s decisions regarding Miri, whether that meant taking her back to her mom or committing to being her parents.

I always read this scene as Rei seeing how happy Kazuki is having Miri around. And thus he questions if this is really what Kazuki wants to do, resulting in that startled expression on Kazuki’s face. Like he hadn’t even considered that possibility.

Rei is perceptive, recognizing that Kazuki will be sad to see her go, yet he doesn’t argue when Kazuki firmly negates this as an option while looking upset again.

Kazuki has made strides in moving on from his wife’s death, but the idea that it’s okay to move on doesn’t erase the insecurities and tendency toward self-loathing he’s displayed, which were probably there long before he met Yuzuko. Even when he reconciles with Karin, her words of encouragement are, “I bet you can make her [Miri] happy!”

So if he truly believes that Miri will be happier or safer with her mother, Kazuki will absolutely choose to let her go.

And it will be up to Rei to go against his decision for once, because he knows that remaining a family is what they both want.

Here, Kazuki looks sad and resigned. I was always sort of disappointed we didn’t get a scene of Rei & Kazuki during Ep 7 when he was at his lowest and most self-deprecating. Now, though, I wonder if they were saving such a confrontation for this moment right here. Where Rei will have to convince him that his own happiness is a priority, too, and that their family is worth fighting for.

Now, uh. I do think that Rei’s decision that they stay together as a family will result in tragedy — there is too much foreshadowing to pretend otherwise — and that maybe Miri will have to stay with her mother for a bit out of necessity. But the point of this episode I think will be to highlight how much these two have grown because they wanted to be better for Miri and that it isn’t selfish to want to pursue that happiness for their own sakes, too.

[dk-wren]

Ep. 12 "Daughter Daddies" Rewatch

Wanted to do one more thing for today's one year anniversary, so thought I would share all the notes I took on my rewatch of the finale!

It's not much (and I will be including the thoughts I previously shared on this post), but I do hope you enjoy!

I still can’t get over the fact that Rei and Miri both have their own aprons now too! Though I’ve still yet to fully figure out what Rei’s is. For whatever, reason the white coloring makes me think it’s a polar bear on the front, but I don’t know how much sense that would make otherwise. I feel like if Kazuki bought the aprons, it’s likely a cat on Rei’s apron. (And that’s this episodes random thought or detail I’ve spent too much time thinking about)

Another moment that always manages to melt my heart: Miri struggling to put on her boot because she’s grown that much and the rapid succession of Kazuki asking if she forgot anything, Miri saying no, Kazuki asking about her handkerchief, her immediately saying she forgot, then Rei joining Kazuki and Miri with said handkerchief in hand. They’re a family y’all and they sure do operate like one.

Thinking about it now, I kinda wondered why Miri only made Rei make a pinky promise with him. Rei has grown a lot over the series, but between the two, he is still the more reserved and papa. Perhaps, this is why Miri only makes Rei promise since she knows Kazuki will be at the concert no matter what. Based on the translations I had though, when Miri tells them they better be at her concert, especially since her mama, or Misaki, won’t be, Kazuki responds with “We will” while Rei says “We promise.” With Rei explicitly saying “promise,” maybe that’s what leads Miri to make a pinky promise with him, which so clearly affects him for the remainder of the episode

I know it was only last episode and this one, but I like how Rei and Kazuki’s meeting with Kyutaro is done away from Yadorigi. Yadorigi is Kyutaro’s homebase and I would consider, an integral meeting location for the organization. So, meeting in this neutral, nondescript location seems to convey that Kyutaro is also turning his back on the organization. Which he technically is in a way by helping/aiding Rei and Kazuki

The car conversation! They don’t want Miri’s childhood to be anything like their own experiences and are gonna do everything to keep it that way, to ensure she can keep her innocence for as long as possible from the horrors of the underworld, and be the parents, or the papas, they wish they had growing up

What it’s been, like nine months a year and I still cannot get over Kazuki and Rei’s entrance and fight in Suwa Manor! Like, I wish I had more to say but I’m just yelling, rooting for them and love seeing them both be badasses

I know it's been pointed out, but man, the fact that Rei’s hair comes down during the kitchen fight as he is about to deliver the final blow to Ogino, with a little help from Kazuki, just shows his progression of who Rei really is, not the Murder Machine, or a living weapon, but Rei Suwa, a person and father

Rei isn’t here for any of Shigeki’s shit. He says I’m out and means it.

Another moment where I just scream and cry. Look at how much Rei has grown and opened up, along with learned by spending time away. He’s so deserving of his family and a happy future!!! 

It’s so simple, and yet, and yet! the power that comes with Rei saying goodbye not to his Boss but to his Father, oh my gosh. He is not just walking away from the organization and his position, he is fully walking away from his family cause he’s got a new (and better) one waiting for him, just as he is

Cue Christmas Party and lots of smiley Rei!

Also, kinda joking but kinda serious, you see how Miri immediately lights up when she spots Rei and Kazuki in the audience/entering? That's what happens when parents show up to the events their child considers important. It's so simple, but honestly, just showing up can mean the world.

I know it’s controversial, but gahhh I really love the epilogue!

Such a small detail, but gotta love how Miri has kept that green teddy bear with her as she’s grown up

Perhaps this is just my imagination, but does teenage Miri’s voice sound different here than the one in Kazuki’s imagination. If so, that’s awesome because Kazuki wouldn’t know how exactly Miri would sound that many years later, and how Miri turned out nothing like Kazuki had feared

I probably should address the elephant in the room when it comes to the sub translating Miri’s line to refer to Kazuki going out with another woman, but what caught my attention during my first watch was Rei’s questioning of Kazuki saying “honest work.” Like, what does that mean? Did they keep working a little bit on the side for Kyutaro to make a little extra cash? Or was Rei questioning Kazuki’s use of “I” instead of “we” since Rei co-runs the diner?

These photos! I love it all! I hope Kazuki, Rei, and Miri are all able to continue living peacefully and with each other for a long time!

[cafesanscreme]

The Family You Want vs The Family You Need?

When watching Ep. 7 I was struck by Yuzuko’s death and how brutal it was. At first I felt like it was a bit overdone and overall, the entire causal loop of it caused me more questions than answers. However, at the same time, I also feel like Yuzuko's death had to be brutal as a sort of 'consequence' for Kazuki not being entirely honest with Yuzuko (or himself) about his life, his career and how he would, in turn, support a young, vulnerable family. His 'potential' family had to contrast starkly with his 'new' family. I think there is something to be said for showing that, while maybe Kazuki was getting the family he always wanted his new family is the one he needs. 

Yuzuko and their unborn child are innocents and likely fully unware of what Kazuki does for a living. Their innocence gives Kazuki the normalcy he missed while growing up; with Yuzuko and their unborn child, he gets a chance at having a typical family -- one that allows for him to ‘protect and provide’, something Kazuki seems highly inclined and attracted to. He gets to be the father he never had and proudly watch his child receive the motherly affection he missed out on. However, on the other hand, this family of innocents forces him to live a double life that puts everyone at extreme risk. Yuzuko and their unborn child would not have been equipped to handle the consequences of Kazuki’s job. The reality is, eventually something would’ve happened. Not maybe or potentially, eventually. 

Rei, on the other hand, not only knows that Kazuki is an assassin, but is also an assassin himself. Miri, as their child, maybe doesn't know they're officially hitmen, but has seen them shooting at people and knows they keep guns in the house. She’s innocent but not totally unaware like his unborn child would've been. Overall there’s less secrets and less stress between Kazuki and Rei compared to Kazuki and Yuzuko. With Rei, there’s no need to hide where he gets the money from, and they both know the risks and subsequent consequences of their profession. He does not have to worry about Rei being a back-stabbing partner who uses his family against him because it’s Rei’s family too. So, while Kazuki and Rei are not perfectly suited to parenthood, they are much better placed, as a team, to protect their ‘family’ and what they have. They are much better placed to mitigate the risks of the job on their ‘family life’. 

Beyond that, he wants to raise a child with Rei like he wanted to raise a child with Yuzuko. And I’m not saying the sentiment is exactly the same in terms of his feelings for Rei vs Yuzuko, but the crux of the desire is there. He wants Rei to co-parent Miri with him, he says this very clearly to Kyu. He’s decided to do this with Rei not in-spite of him. Kazuki does not see Rei as Miri’s older brother or just someone who is there to help Kazuki out when he’s busy. Kazuki see’s Rei as his partner, not just on missions, but in life. It’s a big step in their relationship however you interpret it. And I know some people think Rei was forced into it, but Rei was willing to care for something with Kazuki too; the cat for example, and all the other strays he brought home before that. 

And no, Kazuki will never have a ‘normal’ family with Rei and Miri, but in a way, this is closer to normalcy than what he would’ve had with Yuzuko, and, dare I say, mentally and emotionally, it’s healthier too -- it’s one thing to never have met your partners parents cause they don’t get along or are estranged. It’s another thing entirely to not know your partner kills people for a living. 

I really sympathized with Kazuki this episode. Not just because of what happened in his past but the issue of knowing you need something but not allowing yourself to have it because you don’t feel you deserve it. Feeling ashamed of himself for not only finding fulfillment in his partnership with Rei, but beyond that, and probably what he felt most guilty about, finding happiness in co-parenting Miri with Rei. For having a new family and actually wanting it to work. For wanting the joy it brings it. For coveting it. 

Kazuki needs this family. He needs a partner who he can care and provide for and a child he can protect and provide for and without the same level of stress and secrecy and risks he would’ve had with Yuzuko. He needs the family he has now. And he wants it too. 

[reitheist]

Rei's gonna have to be the one to (metaphorically) beat some sense into Kazuki, I think.

In episode one, Kazuki got rid of the cat. Rei's issue in ep 1 was that he had the desire to care, but not the emotional means. He didn't know how to fully take care of something fully dependent on himself. Kazuki got rid of the cat because he suppresses his desires. He wants a family desperately, but because of his past he doesn't believe he deserves one and actively sabotages his chances of anyone other than Rei depending on him.

(As a side note, I think the only reason Kazuki allows himself to take care of Rei is because he's also an assassin. Rei knows that he may die any day because of his connection to Kazuki, and vise versa. Before Miri they operated on that mutual understanding. Through Rei, Kazuki could fulfill his desire to nurture "safely.")

Anyway, Rei stood by and allowed Kazuki to get rid of the cat. He holds some resentment, but Rei ultimately doesn't fight to keep them.

I think Rei will have to fight Kazuki for Miri. Kazuki will never fight for Miri so long as:

Her dependence on them will put her life in danger

He thinks his happiness has to be at the expense of Misaki's and/or Miri's

He continues to believe he doesn't deserve happiness like a 'normal' person

But Rei finally knows what love feels like. He knows what he wants and doesn't want. He wants to be a family with Kazuki and Miri. He doesn't want to continue the family business of killing, nor does he want Miri in harm's way

Ultimately, he's better prepared than Kazuki to weigh the consequences of defecting from the organization and take action against his father. Maybe he'll finally be the one dragging Kazuki along for once haha

Anyway I think that makes the most sense in rounding out his character arch. We've seen him adjust to his family's rhythm and take some initiative in raising Miri, but he'll have to take charge and fight for what he wants in a way he's never fought for anything. Hopefully he'll inspire Kazuki to start fighting for his desires too.

[amehoneylover]

Things I'd like to see in the final ep

Kazuki 'adopting' Rei and Miri (having 'Kurusu' as their last name, because Kazuki deserves to finally have a family of his own)

A group hug (something like Rei carrying Miri in his arms, Miri hugging him and then saying "Papa Kazuki too!" and then Kazuki getting emotional and embracing both of them)

Both Kazuki and Rei holding Miri's hand while walking back home together

Them moving to a smaller place

Kazuki placing the photo of his exwife and him in the living room, and then putting the photo they took together on sports day next to it

Them adopting a cat

[mintskiez]

Please Don't Leave

Hi, here's a bittersweet little fanfic based on the aftermath the latest episode. All of them are traumatized but it's going to be okay. This is for all my homies who just need a hug. 

CW: Swearing, brief mention of blood, child abuse, and guns (nothing more dramatic than the canon show) 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some days are better than others. Some days you wake up at 9AM to the sound of a painfully off-key four year old singing to an NHK kids program, the distant clatter of cutlery, and the smell of pancakes. Some days the sunlight spills over the peony scented sheets like gold and you let the calm swallow you whole. 

Today is not one of those days.Today is one of those days where you wake up in a cold sweat, heaving on the bathroom floor. The tiles had drained all warmth from your body. The prickly gash in your arm has bled through the tensor bandage and is now staining the sterile white porcelain of the bathtub. You forgot to turn off those sickly greenish lights again. Serves you right for staying up three nights buzzed off of energy drinks with a loaded glock at your side. You wish you had saved more on your energy bill so you wouldn’t have to see your gaunt feverish reflection in the mirror. 

‘Clean it up—“ you hear in your father’s voice. It sounds dangerously close. The tension in those words is so tight it feels like it’s inches from making contact with your skin. Shakily you erase any trace of your stay in this room.

‘Miri.'

You silently pace down the hall. Gentle on the heel and breathe through your mouth slowly so you don’t make a sound. You’ve memorized where the floorboards creek and where they hold your weight without complaint. Gently you push the pads of your fingers into the sticker and crayon covered door before slipping your head in. The cat clock is ticking away methodically. It’s 2:08 AM. You watch the lump of pink pyjamas and messy brown hair with bated breath. Your shoulders ease an inch when your confirm the rise and fall of her chest. She groans and mumbles something before rolling over to face you.

'She’s safe.' You scold yourself mentally. 'Go back to your post.’

That’s when she opens her big brown eyes and screams. You jolt and step backwards. Your footing is lost on a discarded heap of laundry resting on the hardwood floor. Your head makes contact with the threshold. Stars. Suddenly the whimpers hidden behind a quilted shield becomes uncontrollable wailing. 

Within moments you hear sheets being thrown down the hall and the slam of a bedroom door. Kazuki sprints down the hall within seconds with a baseball bat over his shoulder, hair as wild as his bleary stare. You lock eyes. He slowly lowers his weapon, tosses it to the side, and starts hissing exasperated remarks before bursting into Miri’s bedroom and flipping on the light switch. “Papa, there’s a monster—“ Miri chokes.Kazuki sighs and meets her embrace with a firm bear hug. “Miri, there is no monster—"

‘Monster.' You only catch the tail end of what Kazuki says because you’re already halfway down the hall. 

   He finds you an hour later on the balcony. He’s likely lulled her back to sleep and replaced himself with several plushies to get here. The cool air and calming scent of tobacco has reduced rigors to a fine tremor. It’s peaceful for a moment as you watch the flickering lights over the bridge and the faraway sound of the river flowing. Another drag of a cigarette steadies your uneven breathing. Kazuki knows better than to rest a hand on your shoulder right now and you are grateful for it. Instead he joins you at the railing.    

“Kyu-chan called.” Kazuki said softly. “Is this why you gave us these?” He slipped a couple plane tickets, forged passports, and an envelope of cash out from his dressing gown and waved it listlessly over the three story drop.    

“You two don’t deserve this.” You murmur. You don’t deserve to get hurt because of me.    

Kazuki gave a bitter laugh. “Is this why you’ve been so eager on chores and taking Miri to school lately? You’re playing hero?” You turn to him a little shocked. “Miri didn’t deserve the parents she was given. I didn’t deserve to lose my wife and unborn child. You didn’t deserve to be abused and turned into a child soldier.”    

“I—“     

"Do you know what we do deserve, Rei?” He barks. “We deserve this stupid little family. I don’t care how much I suck at our job or how much you suck at being a civilian, I would die to keep it. You are fucking insane if you think I’m going to leave you!”    

You stare, something sadder than a scream trying to escape your paralyzed tongue. A raw, beaten, and longing part of you lamely lifts a hand to reach for him. Within seconds you’re holding onto each other for dear life. Kazuki’s shaky breathing is muffled into your shoulder. You can feel the steadying beat of his heart against your ribs. One hand is woven through your hair and another drawing circles into your back. All you can do is squeeze him tighter.

Somehow you both make it to the living room. Kazuki pulls two chairs between the sofa and coffee table before reinforcing them with couch cushions. Everything is moving in slow motion, slipping between your fingers like water. It’s only when he returns from the hall with a blanket that you start to question the scene unfolding in front of you.     

“What are you doing?”    

“Making a pillow fort,” he huffs.     

“Why?”    

Kazuki looks at his work with a solemn smile. “When Miri does it she always seems happier.”    

Before you can comment he’s already dragging you by the shirt collar and crawling inside. It’s cramped, dangerously soft, and the little lamp between covers the fleece ceiling with a maple syrup hue. You sink into the cushions a bit before someone draws up your sleeve and starts working on the shoddy dressing. You’re too exhausted to protest.    

“You were bleeding on the floor, dumbass.” He scolds. “How long were you planning to hide this?”    

You shrug halfheartedly. He pours saline over the gash. You clench your jaw. By the time the blood has been dabbed away with gauze, the edges taped together, and a thick pad of cotton is slapped overtop, you’re nodding off. You wonder if there is another reality where you two met as children and sat in a pillow fort together.     

You don’t realize that he left until you hear the ticking on the gas burner and the clunk of the kettle. A needy insecure part of you wants to call him back. Instead of pushing it down as usual, you think of what he said on the balcony and feel a little more at ease. It’s not long before you are both sitting shoulder to shoulder with warm herbal tea in your hands. It’s raspberry, lavender, and camomile, with honey, of course.     

That’s when you hear footsteps.     

The floorboards groan.         

The hair stands on the back of your neck.     

A shadow looms over the fleece roof of the pillow fort.         

That’s when a drowsy Miri appears with a strawberry print blanket trailing behind her. She whines about Kazuki-papa leaving before crawling into your lap. Kazuki appears relieved but a little offended.    

“Rei-papa,” she yawns. “You’re not a monster. I’m sorry.” You gently brush her bangs out of her eyes. “When mama gets sad, she leaves. Please don’t leave.”     

There is that creeping feeling in your throat again. She nuzzles her porcelain cheek into your chest and grips balls up the grey fabric in her tiny hands. Neither you or Kazuki say it aloud but raising Miri has become a kind of healing. For Kazuki, it's moving on. It's becoming the father he was so excited about becoming before it was all taken away. For you it's learning the patience and kindness that you were never entitled to. Suddenly the numbness of blue screens and cigarette smoke falls away with a sober realization: you could lose what you thought were never worthy of. 

You curl into her little fragile body and feel your bones start to shake. You don’t realize how hard you're biting back tears until you taste metal. Kazuki envelopes both of you like the giant space heater he is. Maybe it’s the weight on your mind or Kazuki’s stupid pec crushing your aching arm but years of self loathing, guilt, and anger start to spill out in tears racing down your cheeks. It’s so overwhelming your stomach collapses into itself and all you can do is gasp for air. Startled, Miri starts bawling too. It takes twenty minutes of gentle rocking, whispered words of reassurance, and wiping away tears but the tide of your breath turns slow and littered with hiccups. You forget the feeling that catharsis forced out of you and float in that cotton headspace a bit while smoothing out the cowlicks on your daughter’s head.     

“I’m sorry I made Rei-papa cry…” Miri sobs.    

“No!” You blurt out. The thought of letting her carry that guilt makes you queasy.     

Kazuki sighs and cups her face with one hand. “Miri, sometimes people need to cry but they don’t feel safe enough to do it.” He explains. “Then all that sad and angry makes you sick and you forget how to smile.”    

Miri sniffs and lets out a meek but thoughtful “oh".     

“That’s why we need family,” he announces. Oh god, not another inspirational rant. ���So we don’t get emotionally constipated!”    

Miri knocks her head to the side. “What’s a con-stah-pated?"    

Kazuki cackles. You elbow him in the side. He pulls both of you down with a dramatic roar into the cushions in retaliation. Miri squeaks and giggles. She looks up at you with equally red and puffy eyes, slaps her grubby fingers on your cheek, and smiles. It’s incredibly effective.    

“I’m not leaving.”    

“Promise?”    

“Promise.”

   The next day you wake up from a dreamless sleep. Hazy shadows slowly come into focus. You hear the noisy little inhales and exhales of a child pressed into your shoulder. Your forehead is warm against a man’s stubbly jaw. The refrigerator hums and somewhere far away there are sparrows singing. Shards of rose and orange morning light dance across the blanket canvas protecting all of you. All of the tension wound up in your back has come undone. The pain in your arm is dull and distant. Your eyes start to grow heavy again. Next time you wake up it's 9AM, there’s a painfully off-key four year old singing to an NHK kids program, the table is being set, and you smell pancakes.

[night-heron-writes]

Buddy Daddies Episode 10

~*~WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR BUDDY DADDIES EPISODE 10~*~

Okay so first things first. Ouch. Damn was Episode 10 angsty. Also Misaki looks unsettlingly like me? I don’t quite know how to feel about that 😂

Poor Miss Anna is not musically talented in the slightest, and all the kids are roasting her for it. Miri’s singing voice is really nice for a toddler, which makes sense since Misaki apparently taught her to sing, and Misaki is a really good singer.

So, Misaki’s back. We all knew that from the PV. She’s got a new haircut, new clothes, and seems to have gone sober. Good for her. However, the daycare is an interesting spot for her to show up at. How would she know where Miri goes to daycare?

The timing of her return is also suspicious to me. Just in the last couple episodes we learned that the organization is after Miri and Kazuki. I suspect Kyutaro is behind her reappearance, since this is the least violent way to resolve things. Not much of a resolution, but hey, we still have three episodes left.

Rei being the one to pull Kazuki back from a fight is interesting. He usually doesn’t get involved in whatever Kazuki decides to do, and he used to not care about making a scene in front of the daycare moms. Character growth!

Somebody else here on tumblr identified a piece of music as “Kazuki’s Theme” (I can’t remember your name, sorry! If you’re the person/know the person who did, please tell me in the tags so I can credit properly!). “Kazuki’s Theme” starts playing once they’re back in Rei’s apartment and Miri is playing with Misaki. It’s a very melancholy theme, the same one that played during Kazuki’s conversation in episode 7 with Karin. It often pops up when he believes he doesn’t deserve happiness.

Misaki dodging singing for Miri is interesting, especially given that we know she used to sing for/around Miri all the time. Rei also seems somewhat suspicious.

Oh so Misaki has cancer? Not what I expected. But if she has throat cancer, why is she still smoking cigarettes? Old habits and addictions are hard to break, but this is almost downright self-destructive. I’m also noticing the connection between Rei quitting smoking for Miri’s health, and Misaki being unable to do so even though continuing to smoke puts her life at risk.

Misaki having cancer also adds an interesting, rather macabre dimension to her theme being an instrumental version of “Don’t Say Goodbye”. She’s dying, at least potentially, and is trying desperately to cling to life, to not have to say goodbye. If you listen closely to her dialogue, you’ll also notice that her voice sounds strained, which adds an excellent dimension of realism.

How does she know that Rei and Kazuki are involved in “dangerous business”? I’m suspecting Kyutaro even more now, since Kazuki gave nothing away about his profession in Episode 3.

So it was Kyutaro who called in Misaki! I knew it! It’s also really the only choice he could make where nobody dies. His language in this episode is really harsh compared to previous episodes, and I’m willing to bet it’s because he’s feeling more than a little guilty.

Their final family outing is so sweet and so painful at the same time. Rei and Kazuki are trying to give Miri one last good experience with them before they have to say goodbye. The most painful part, at least to me, was that right when Miri says she wishes Misaki could’ve eaten with them, the theme I’ve nicknamed “Miri’s Family” starts playing—but it’s the piano rendition used when things are serious or sad. The music this episode straight up broke my heart worse than the episode itself.

The Ferris Wheel ride is eerily silent for a while. There’s not any background music, which is often more telling than whatever music might play. Other fans have compared the Ferris Wheel ride to the family’s journey together, and it’s certainly a good comparison to make.

Interestingly enough, Kazuki brings up the cat from Episode 1. Not a single mention of that cat has been made up until now.

The ride is silent until Kazuki says “Sometimes it’s kinder not to get involved”, when “Kazuki’s Theme” starts playing. He’s basically given up on ever having a permanent family, or ever being happy.

Rei talks a lot in this episode, especially in this conversation. He’s more open and emotional than we’ve seen him before, and he reacts a lot to Kazuki just giving up. His line about Miri having shown him things he never would have seen otherwise hurts so bad 😭.

Kazuki tells Miri she’s having a sleepover with Misaki. I can’t help but wonder how Misaki is going to explain that Miri will be living with her now, that she won’t be seeing her Papas again. I can’t imagine that being a fun conversation.

Kazuki wrapping his scarf around Miri paralleling the cat in Episode 1 made me bawl my eyes out. And so did Kazuki’s line “Guess we weren’t able to change.” But he has changed, they both have, and we still have three (?) episodes left. It’s not over yet and this series had better have a happy ending. If it doesn’t I will learn to draw and animate a second season myself.

[ecargmura]

Buddy Daddies Episode 1 Review: Are You the Daddy?

It's been a while since I last did solid reviewing for anime. Sometimes, my anime watching funk meanders like a wave. However, Winter 2023 has interesting anime, so I am willing to resume my anime reviews.

You can read my review on my blog (Click here) but if you don't want to, continue below.

The reason I picked up Buddy Daddies as one of my two go-to watch for Winter 2023 is because I like Spy x Family. I like the concept and premise of Spy x Family and Buddy Daddies seems like it. While the premise of the two shows are similar in that two people with dangerous jobs adopt a child, but that’s where the similarities end.

The story is about two assassins that are polar opposites, Kazuki Kurusu (28) and Rei Suwa (25), and are roommates. Kazuki is more domestic and womanizing while Rei is just tired, emo and is only proficient in assassination. They live their lives through acquiring assassination jobs they receive from their colleague and they are accidentally responsible for caring for Miri Unasaka after they killed her biological father in the first episode.

Yes, the guy who pointed a gun at Miri is her father, NOT Kazuki. You can tell the difference from the eye color and eyebrow size. Miri and her biological father have amber eyes and her father has thicker eyebrows. Kazuki’s eyes are red and he has thinner eyebrows.

The VA cast is SICK! Toshiyuki Toyonaga and Kouki Uchiyama reunite once again! If you’re not familiar, these two have been paired up in anime such as Blast of Tempest (the main leads), Kimi to Boku (as two of the four childhood friends) and Yuri on Ice (as Yuri Katsuki and Yuri Plisetsky). These two are perfect pairs to play as leads! Also, you can’t have a BL-ish anime without the BL Emperor himself, Toshiyuki Morikawa! Him being casted here is a sign of the BL-coding! I never heard Hina Kino before, but her voice as Miri is super cute! Because of Tosshi and Ucchi’s previous leading roles with each other, their voices have so much chemistry and it shows in their characters! I can’t wait to see more to hear how all the cast mesh together.

However, this is most likely not going to be a BL anime. It’s not because Kazuki is presumably heterosexual, but it’s because it’s not stated as such. I consider these ambiguous BLs because they’re not BL, but are targeted for the fujoshi demographic. But hey, that doesn’t mean it’s not enjoyable. You’re also allowed to see it as BL if you wish to do so.

I’ve never watched a P.A. Works show before, but I really love the smooth movement in animation, especially during the Rei scenes. They’re so fluid. Other than the Rei scenes, I really like the running animations. The scene with Miri jumping to Kabuki’s arms is also another good scene. 

Because the show started off in media res with the two already living and caring for Miri, it’s unknown how much time has passed since their first encounter with her that Christmas Day. It seems that Rei isn’t used to her yet, so the story will probably take place some time after the little prologue scene with the two.

I’m curious to see where this goes. Kazuki and Rei don’t seem to have a solid friendship yet, so I’m sure living with Miri will ultimately change that for both of them. There are also a lot of questions that form from the first episode alone. My biggest question is if they’ll get that cat by the end of the show. That cat deserves to live with them. Kazuki deserved that clap back from Rei.

[kissahten]

@inanthesis || Miscommunicated Surprises 

   He’d mentioned it to Miri one day after walking home from the park. His hand had been securely fastened into hers, she insisted on tugging at it, seeing how much of her weight she could apply to his arm when she decided to hang on it. She, even after an entire afternoon of playing, was still running around like she’d been locked inside during a storm. When she walked side by side with him, though, they had some good conversations. Kazuki had mentioned that before she came along, he’d wanted a cat.     This served as a mistake because Miri would then beg for a cat and insist that if Papa Rei deserved ANYTHING it was a cat. So, eventually, Kazuki folded. He bent his will and made the plan to finally get Rei what he wanted. But, it was comforting to know that he would be capable of taking care of it to some degree -- he was sometimes helpful with Miri, afterall.     Kazuki knew Rei would be out most of the day, but would return before dinner. So they left for the adoption shelter first thing in the morning. It’d been a couple of hours, but the two eventually selected a cat. Black with white on the chest and paws. The cat reminded Miri of Rei and insisted that they had to get it -- and it dealt with Miri’s handling well. They’d agreed that they would hide the cat in Miri’s room and in a few hours, Rei could find the two of them and be so surprised!     That evening, Miri spent most of the day in her room with the new cat. Kazuki could hear her laughter bouncing off the walls as he prepared dinner. When the front door open, Kazuki tosses the dishtowel over his shoulder and offers a smile to his partner. “Welcome home. I’m almost done with dinner, do you mind washing up Miri for me?” Kazuki asks, shooting a pointed glance up the stairs. “She’s up in her room. I put her down for a nap after we got back from the park, she was so exhausted.” 

[rxttenfish]

i think aaravi deserves to pick up miranda like a big naughty cat. just haul her giant ass apex predator wife around like shes a toy. this would be great and fantastic enrichment for both of them, and they could both “““accidentally”““ smack damien with miri’s huge fucking tail.