#MUSIC OR THE MISERY FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2006

[fakeoutbf]

so much for 2ourdust

u.s. leg

magic 8 ball and piano medley songs sorted by date

color coded by album ● repeated songs in bold

tttyg ● futct ● ioh ● fad ● srar ● abap ● mania ● smfs

Feb 28 - Moda Center, Portland, OR, USA

Piano medley

- Young and Menace (First time live since 2018)

- What a Catch, Donnie

Magic 8 Ball song

- G.I.N.A.S.F.S. (Alias: HM)

Mar 1 - Climate Pledge Arena, Seattle, WA, USA

Piano medley

- Allie (Patrick Stump song, first time live since 2011)

- What a Catch, Donnie

Magic 8 Ball song

- Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year (Alias: FLANNEL)

Mar 3 - Golden 1 Center, Sacramento, CA, USA

Piano medley

- Golden

- What a Catch, Donnie

Magic 8 Ball song

- 27 (Alias: RAINBOW PETS)

Mar 4 - Honda Center, Anaheim, CA, USA

Piano medley

- I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears and None On My Fingers

- What a Catch, Donnie

Magic 8 Ball songs

- 7 minutes in Heaven (Atavan Halen)

- Good Girls Go Bad (Cobra Starship cover) (with Cobra Starship)

Mar 7 - Dickies Arena, Fort Worth, TX, USA

Piano medley

- What a Catch, Donnie

- Golden

Magic 8 Ball song

- The Kids Aren’t Alright (Alias: BARBIE)

Mar 8 - Moody Center, Austin, TX, USA

Piano/acoustic medley

- It's Not a Side Effect of the Cocaine, I Think It Must Be Love (Live Debut)

- What a Catch, Donnie

Magic 8 Ball song

- Don't You Know Who I Think I Am? (Alias: YIPPIE KAY YAY)

Mar 11 - Paycom Center, Oklahoma City, OK, USA

Piano medley

- Tempted (Squeeze cover)

- I'm Like a Lawyer With the Way I'm Always Trying to Get You Off (Me & You)

- Golden

Magic 8 Ball song

- Tiffany Blews (First time live since 2009) (Alias: ARLO GUTHRIE)

Mar 13 - Legacy Arena at the BJCC, Birmingham, AL, USA

Piano medley

- Just One Yesterday

- Golden

Magic 8 Ball song

- Young Volcanoes (Alias: OLD ICEBERGS)

Mar 15 - Kia Center, Orlando, FL, USA

Piano medley

- Golden

- What a Catch, Donnie

Magic 8 Ball song

- FUCKING ALPHA DOG FUCK ME (Full live debut) (Alias: SHAQ)

Mar 16 - Vystar Veterans Memorial Arena, Jacksonville, FL, USA

Piano medley

- Bad Side Of 25 (Patrick Stump song, first time live since 2011)

- 20 Dollar Nose Bleed (First time live since 2013)

Magic 8 Ball song

- I'm Like a Lawyer With the Way I'm Always Trying to Get You Off (Me & You) (First full live performance since 2014) (Alias: DING DONG)

Mar 19 - PNC Arena, Raleigh, NC, USA

Piano medley

- What a Time to Be Alive

- What a Catch, Donnie

Magic 8 Ball song

- Just One Yesterday (First full live performance since 2014) (Alias: QUESADILLA)

Mar 20 - CFG Bank Arena, Baltimore, MD, USA

Piano medley

- I Can't Wait (Hepcat cover)

- 20 Dollar Nose Bleed

- Golden

Magic 8 Ball song

- Miss Missing You (Alias: CRABBY CAKES)

Mar 22 - Madison Square Garden, New York, NY, USA

Piano medley

- Spidey and His Amazing Friends (Patrick Stump song, live debut)

- What a Catch, Donnie

- Just One Yesterday (Full song, with Daisy Grenade)

Magic 8 Ball songs

- Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part to Save the Scene and Stop Going to Shows) (Full live debut) (Alias: BAKED ZITI)

- Slow Down (The Academy Is… cover) (with William Beckett) (Alias: GABAGOOL)

Mar 24 - MVP Arena, Albany, NY, USA

Piano medley

- The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years)

- What a Time to Be Alive

Magic 8 Ball song

- I Am My Own Muse (Alias: FLOPPY BUNNIES)

Mar 26 - Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, MI, USA

Piano medley

- Run Dry (X Heart X Fingers) (Patrick Stump song, first time live since 2011)

- I’ve Got All This Ringing In My Ears and None On My Fingers

Magic 8 Ball song

- FUCKING Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) (First time live since 2018) (Alias: MOMS SPAGHETTI)

Mar 27 - PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA, USA

Piano medley

- Heart Transplant (Punchline cover)

- What a Catch, Donnie

- Golden

Magic 8 Ball song

- The Music or the Misery (First time live since 2006) (Alias: DUQUESNE INCLINE)

Mar 29 - Value City Arena, Columbus, OH, USA

Piano medley

- What a Time to Be Alive

- What a Catch, Donnie

Magic 8 Ball song

- Fourth of July (First time live since 2017) (Alias: FIONA THE HIPPO)

Mar 30 - Rupp Arena at Central Bank Center, Lexington, KY, USA

Piano medley

- I’ve Got All This Ringing In My Ears and None On My Fingers

- What a Catch, Donnie

Magic 8 Ball song

- The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years) (Alias: HARD HATS)

Mar 31 - Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, TN, USA

Piano medley

- You Never Even Called Me by My Name (David Allan Coe cover)

- Spotlight (Oh Nostalgia) (Patrick Stump song)

- Golden

Magic 8 Ball song

- Jet Pack Blues (First full live performance since 2018) (Alias: BOOT GOOFIN)

Apr 2 - Fiserv Forum, Milwaukee, WI, USA

Piano/acoustic medley

- Celestial Lights (Uncle Barnaby cover)

- What A Fool Believes (The Doobie Brothers cover)

- Spotlight (Oh Nostalgia) (Patrick Stump song)

- What a Catch, Donnie

- Golden

Magic 8 Ball songs

- Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part to Save the Scene and Stop Going to Shows) (Alias: HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE)

- Pavlove (Alias: LAVERN & SHIRLEY)

Apr 3 - Wells Fargo Arena, Des Moines, IA, USA

Piano/acoustic medley

- Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner

- I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears and None On My Fingers

- What a Catch, Donnie

Magic 8 Ball song

- What a Time to Be Alive (Alias: GROOVE METAL)

Apr 5 - CHI Health Center Omaha, Omaha, NE, USA

Piano medley

- Bishops Knife Trick (Live Debut) (Patrick when i get your fucking ass)

- What a Catch, Donnie

- Golden

Magic 8 Ball song

- “From Now On, We Are Enemies” (Alias: STEAK NIGHT)

Apr 6 - Target Center, Minneapolis, MN, USA

Piano medley

- Bleed (Animal Chin cover)

- 7-9 Legendary (Live Debut)

- Purple Rain (Prince cover)

- What a Catch, Donnie

Magic 8 Ball songs

- Honorable Mention (First time live since 2007) (Alias: HARAMBE)

- Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part to Save the Scene and Stop Going to Shows) (Alias: GRANDMA)

- The Carpal Tunnel of Love (First time live since 2008) (Alias: CATDOG)

- Rat a Tat (with CARR) (Live Debut) (Alias: RUMPLESTITSKIN)

- The Kids Aren’t Alright (Alias: KROGER, CHAD KROGER)

- Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) (Alias: WOOT WOOT)

[doomedandstoned]

Venezuelan Gothic Doomers STRATUZ Share New Music Video, “Left”

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

By Billy Goate

STRATUZ may be a new name to these pages, but the the doom-death quartet from Venezuela has been around since 1984, with their debut album In Nomine… arriving in the mid-'90s, placing them as one of the pioneering acts in extreme metal.

After numerous celebrated and controversial live performances and three studio full-lengths, the band decided to hang it up in 2006. But it's hard to keep a good band down, and in 2019 they came back together for a new album, 'Osculum Pacis' (2022), which translates "A kiss of peace."

Lyrically, it speaks of the abuses of the church and its deafening silence in the face of so many denunciations of abuse. It speaks of the manipulation of the masses, and injustice, but at the same time, it also speaks of the awakening of consciousness, of death as a process of transformation, and the need to change ourselves in order to rise up and banish our own miseries. It speaks of rising up aware of who we are.

Indeed, Stratuz was the first Venezuelan band to write songs against the Catholic Church, before widespread scandals rocked The Holy See throughout the 2000s. Keep in mind that it was illegal to do so in their country back in the '80s, so this caused quite a stir. For example, one major Argentine newspaper published a column to discredit Stratuz with the headline, Stratuz: Worshippers of Satan. The effect was the opposite and the band became more popular.

The single before us, "Left," according to the band, addresses "that emptiness that many people feel internally, that feeling of abandonment, of loneliness, of neglect, that lack of sense for being on this plane, taking refuge in their own sorrow.

The track begins with grim, quiet strumming and then is ignited with a glowing melody pronounced by the electric piano. Gothic vocals follow, tortured with the thought, "We are alone!" As the song develops, it asks of us, "Is today one day more or one day less in your dreams?"

Osculum Pacis is a mighty struggle between light and darkness, that fans of Paradise Lost and Type O Negative should take a fond liking to. Now streaming on Spotify and available for purchase on Bandcamp and other platforms.

Give ear...

SOME BUZZ

Venezuelan atmospheric death/doom Stratuz unleashed their latest album “Osculum Pacis” in April 2022, which marked their return since going on hiatus in 2006 and reforming in 2019. The album is an immersion into the band's own universe of sound, which will lead you to listen to each of the themes repeatedly and thus discover each sound layer and the sensations to awaken you

"So many years away from the scene led us to experiment with other musical currents and the studio, which allowed us to nourish ourselves and thus reach the level we are at now. This record we hope will awaken your senses with its eleven tracks that ebb and flow through dreary gutturals, majestic choruses, and heart-pumping riffs." says the band.

Lyrically, “Osculum Pacis” speaks of the abuses of the church and its deafening silence in the face of so many denunciations of abuse. It speaks of the manipulation of the masses, and injustice, but at the same time, it also speaks of the awakening of consciousness, of death as a process of transformation, and the need to change ourselves in order to rise up and banish our own miseries. It speaks of rising up aware of who we are.

Osculum Pacis by Stratuz

Today, Stratuz shares their latest lyric video for the track "Left", a song that reflects the emptiness that many people feel internally. "This is one for those who know that feeling of abandonment, loneliness, neglect, and that lack of sense for being on this plane, taking refuge in their own sorrow." adds the band.

The band is currently preparing to continue promoting their latest album “Osculum Pacis” in Venezuela and other countries along with working on new material to follow in the near future.

"For those of you who have already heard our current work Osculum Pacis, you will have high expectations with the new stuff we will produce, however, we are convinced that we will surprise many again and it will be very well received."

Stratuz live transmits a much more powerful energy than on recordings, and there are always comments that the band sounds much better in concert than on recordings, and this is because of the particular energy that can be appreciated in the shows. They are recommended for fans of Paradise Lost, Tiamat, and Moonspell. The album “Osculum Pacis” was released on April 26, 2022, and is available on CD/digital on Bandcamp and Spotify.

Follow The Band

Get Their Music

[prettyboyrose1974]

I work in an online delivery type deal so I’ve got my headphones in a lot. I listen to the music or the misery every single day. And I got to fucking hear it live for the first time since 2006 last night.

[atxvanhalen]

fob played the music or the misery tn for the first time since 2006

[concerthopperblog]

The Remade in Misery Tour PT 2 feat Memphis May Fire, Norma Jean, SECRETS, and SAUL

Back on May 2022, Memphis May Fire announced that they would be going on The Remade in Misery Tour with support from Ashes to New, Rain City Drive, and Wolves at The Gate. I was super excited to hear that the band would be dropping a new album before they had even started the first leg of this tour. This tour is actually named after their latest album Remade In Misery. I was initially bummed that, there wasn’t a date coming to a city near me. But earlier this year that all changed when they announced that they would be doing a second leg of this tour with support from Norma Jean, SECRETS and SAUL. One of the stops happened to be at The L, located in Horseheads New York. The last time we got to cover Memphis May Fire was at Vans Warped Tour in 2017. I cannot wait to see what these bands have in store for the fans during the second leg of the tour.

Saul is an American rock band from Iowa, they formed back in 2007. The band was initially started by two brothers Blake and Zach Bedsaul, originally called Sequoia which was just a cover band. Saul has 3 EPs and 2 Studio Albums. The band teased the release of their latest album by dropping a single called “A Million Miles”. Keep an eye out for some new music. This Is It...The End of Everything is their new album which drops July 28th. Saul also gained popularity in 2019 on SXM Octane which features their song “Brother”, which talks about the loss of a brother and the coping process. The band also collaborated with David Draiman on their song “King Of Misery.” I had never heard of Saul before this show. I’m glad that we were able to catch their set. I’ll be adding some of their songs to my playlists.

Secrets is a post-hardcore band that formed in California back in 2010; they also went through quite a few band members. The band started out their career strong, within a year of being formed the band was signed to Rise Records. Two of their albums The Ascent & Fragile Figures hit the top 200 Billboard Charts. The current lineup comprises of Richard Rogers, Wade Walters, Connor Branigan, and Connor Allen. To date, they have released 5 studio albums and 1 EP. Their latest album The Collapse covers topics on anxiety, depression, hope, and loss. This album was written pre-pandemic and also during the pandemic. The song "Fade Away" focuses on losing a loved one and pays tribute to Aaron Melzer. When the band stepped foot on stage, I got super excited and was ready for their performance to rock the house.

Norma Jean is a metalcore band from Georgia. The band has gone through numerous line-up changes since the band formed back in 1997 under the name Luti-Kriss, currently, there isn’t a single original member in the band. But that didn’t stop Norma Jean from dropping nine studio albums and receiving a Grammy Award nomination in 2006 for their second album O' God, the Aftermath. A remarkable fact about Norma Jean is that the band’s name actually originates from Marilyn Monroe since her real name was Norma Jeane Mortensen. In an interview with previous drummer Daniel Davidson, he stated that they also decided on that name because they “were looking at a book” and saw that “Norma meant pattern and Jean meant God's grace and mercy” So when you put it all together it creates, patterns of grace and mercy. When it was their time to perform, the crowd went wild. The band played a variety of songs, old songs like “I Used to Hate Cell Phones But Now I Hate Car Accidents” and newer songs off their record Deathrattle Sing For Me which was released last year. The fans kept crowd surfing back to back, eventually, the band wanted to step it up a notch, having fans open up a giant circle pit. Cory Brandan (lead singer) jumped off the stage onto the barricades at one point to get closer to the fans and sing their songs together. I absolutely loved their stage presence; each member used every ounce of their being to make sure this was an amazing performance during this tour stop.

Memphis May Fire is an American metalcore band that formed in Texas back in 2006. Since its formation, the band has released two EPs and seven full-length albums, the latest being Remade In Misery which was released in June 2022. The band has had some awesome accomplishments in their career. The band was nominated for the Artist Philanthropic Award in 2014, they also had their song “Ghost In The Mirror” from the album Sleepwalking in Saw VI. The current members are Kellen McGregor, Matty Mullins, Cory Elder, and Jake Garland. Before Memphis May Fire even set foot on the stage, you could feel that the energy in the air was even more special. It was extra special because it was also Matty Mullins’ birthday. Between songs, he said to the fans that they had set the bar high for the rest of this tour and that got the crowd even more excited for the rest of their performance. Before the other photographers and I were able to leave the pit, there was a crazy amount of crowd surfers showing out all their love for Memphis May Fire. The band also played a wide variety of songs ranging from their album The Hollow to their most recent album Remade In Misery.

Setlist:

“Blood & Water”

“Left for Dead”

“Bleed Me Dry”

“Somebody”

“The American Dream”

“Alive in the Lights”

“Heavy Is the Weight”

“Miles Away”

“Vices”

“Make Believe”

“Misery”

“The Old Me”

“Prove Me Right”

Encore:

“The Fight Within”

“The Sinner”

[jwscrobbles]

The 2010s: So Far

Before I update the weekly chart for the year, I have to post this entry. Halfway through 2014, I realized something: this decade is half way over. I initially started my Last.FM account in 2005 and right before medical school in the summer of 2006, I left it dormant. I rediscovered my account in March 2010 and restarted it. By May 2010, I had enough regular weekly plays to form a weekly chart. I added Last FM to scrobble tracks from my iPhone in July 2010 (my first purchase from first paycheck as a medical intern.) I kept the chart going ever since but it wasn't until January 2012 that I started to document it. So I can trace experiences, memories of this decade by this chart (I've done that music all my life). But as a reflection of the last five years, I am posting the 50 most scrobbled songs of the past five years, in alphabetical order. On my FB page, there is a yearly review top songs since 2010. And of the five songs that topped each year: Kylie - All the Lovers (2010), Kelly Rowland - Motivation (2011), Elle Varner - Only Wanna Be with You (2012), Daft Punk - Get Lucky (2013), and Childish Gambino (2014), none of them is the most scrobbled track of the decade, so far. SONG ARTIST Afro Blue ROBERT GLASPER EXPERIMENT F. ERYKAH BADU All the Lovers KYLIE MINOGUE Ay Yo MELANIE FIONA Beautiful People CHRIS BROWN FT. BENNY BENASSI Cult Logic MIIKE SNOW Do the Astral Plane THE FLYING LOTUS Domino JESSIE J Dynamite TAIO CRUZ Feel So Close CALVIN HARRIS Fences PHOENIX Get Lucky DAFT PUNK FT PHARRELL WILLIAMS AND NILE RODGERS Get Outta My Way KYLIE MINOGUE Happy PHARRELL WILLIAMS If I Ever Feel Better PHOENIX Kaleidoscope Dream MIGUEL Latch DISCLOSURE FT. SAM SMITH Lover of Mine BEACH HOUSE Make Me JANET JACKSON Midnight City M83 Misery MAROON 5 Motivation KELLY ROWLAND FT. LIL WAYNE Moves Like Jagger MAROON 5 FT. CHRISTINA AGUILERA Only Girl (in the World) RIHANNA Only Wanna Give It To You ELLE VARNER FT. J COLE Party Rock Anthem LMFAO Peace Song BOB SINCLAIR Please Don't Go MIKE POSNER Poetic Justice KENDRICK LAMAR FT. DRAKE Pumped Up Kicks FOSTER THE PEOPLE Rolling in the Deep ADELE Rumour Has It ADELE Something About Us DAFT PUNK Spectrum FLORENCE + THE MACHINE FT. CALVIN HARRIS Sponsor TEAIRRA MARI FT. GUCCI MANE AND SOULJA BOY Standing On the Shore EMPIRE OF THE SUN Stillness in Time CALVIN HARRIS Sun of a Gun OH LAND Swing ZERO 7 Take Me Over CUT COPY The Ghost Inside BROKEN BELLS The Only Exception PARAMORE Tonight (Best You Ever Had) JOHN LEGEND FT. LUDACRIS Under the Sheets ELLIE GOULDING FT. CHIDDY BANG Unthinkable ALICIA KEYS FT. DRAKE Walking on a Dream EMPIRE OF THE SUN We Found Love RIHANNA FT. CALVIN HARRIS White Knuckle Ride JAMIROQUAI Window Seat ERYKAH BADU Words I Never Said LUPE FIASCO FT. SKLYAR GREY Your Drums, Your Love ALUNAGEORGE Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

[ushdubsar]

2022's Music Was Really Good

I'm crossposting this from Twitter, technically, because it took over an hour to write the damn thread and I don't want to rewrite it, not even to add stuff I omitted. It's long enough. I'm not including album covers again, because that was a miserable task. You get what you get.

---

The music to come out this year is unreal. I had my AOTY overturned several times when it seemed locked in -- I'd dare to say if any of these releases had been anywhere in the past 16 years other than 2022, they'd have been the top of that year.

Let's start with the non-nu metal releases that crossed my radar this year.

Chat Pile's God's Country is the Texas Chainsaw Massacre of ugly AmRep noise rock. I don't have the words to give it what it deserves, just trust that it's worth your time. Slaughterhouse, The Mask and especially Why are particularly impressive. Go listen.

But noise rock wasn't just remade in the image of an ugly rotten-meat deity. It was also beaten to a pulp by Thank's no-wave dancepunk abomination, Thoughtless Cruelty. Dread is delicious, Good Boy is anti-centrist genius, and A Social Contract violates several such beasts.

The last noise rock artist to blow the wheels off of the genre was Haunted Horses, with the fevered panic attack dreamscape of The Worst Has Finally Happened. It reminds me of my actual AOTY in just how bombastic and maximalist it is. Check out Swarms especially.

Next up: jazz-ambient project Crooked Light released a trio of hazy fog-drenched Silent Hill-ass EPs -- and I mean the hypnotic, low-key softer tracks of the first two games, not the death industrial/triphop that eventually swallowed the series. I Have Crept In is my favorite.

Still in ambient territory, Tineidae's magnificent Exo was followed by the even more overwhelming Mothership, once again capturing my love of Cryo Chamber's soundtracky vibe and my obsession with space ambient soundscaping.

Also from Cryo Chamber, Gdanian released Induction, which is a more aggressively atmospheric approach than Submersion's dubby bassline chillness, and manages to nail it. Honestly beats Tineidae for space ambient excellence, and that's saying a fucking lot.

ANOTHER Cryo Chamber masterpiece, Skrika released an impressive follow up to Fifth Nature in Soludenia. Crunchy alien electro-dark-ambient is the order of the day, with distant vocal lines and a nearly unparalleled mastery of the solitary individual sound. Incredible.

The final one I'm including from Cryo Chamber, Metatron Omega's ISIH manages to match and exceed the work of Kurt Harland's Soul Reaver soundtrack in vast, ancient occult grandeur. It's an apt comparison too: this album would easily slot into a Soul Reaver remake.

Author & Punisher's Kruller is everything you could want from Tristan at this point in his career. It's not just more of the same, but it attacks new realms of electronic music without compromising the core goods. Misery is particularly impressive to me.

Zeal & Ardor, of course, released the best thing Manuel's put his name on to date in their self-titled album. If you haven't heard it, just go listen. I want you to realize this isn't the AOTY, and I want you to know WHAT missed that bus.

And I want to reiterate, all of these could be AOTY in any other year. Many of them would be effortless winners, just walking in the room and immediately demanding all eyes on them. 2022 had something extra special.

Unfortunately for everyone, I'm a nu metal freak and particularly horny for nu-metalcore, so that's what you're getting. I'll apologize, but I won't mean it and you'll be more disappointed about me lying than my actual love of nu metal, so let's not do that.

Let's start with the one I've raved about since release: Gloom in the Corner released Trinity, a fucking masterpiece. I haven't heard music this good since 2006. Tristania's Ashes. There have been releases that have almost met that mark in the years since, but Gloom is special.

Yes, Trinity is my AOTY. It's not up for debate. The weakest songs are wildly inventive and take skill I don't possess. Beyond moshing and emotional resonance, it also tells a story better than the band's past releases, and covers such a wide range it's not even fair. MUST HEAR.

Next up: 156/Silence's Narrative is a leering nightmare of self-loathing, spite and mean-spirited brooding that belongs somewhere around Haunted Horses and Crooked Light for sheer atmospheric depths. But don't despair, it knows how to fucking thump too. Check Say The Phrase.

Moodring's Stargazer is lighter than the nu-core shit I obsess over most, so I was ready to write it off. But on release day it took over my ears for a solid month. Unreal. The album doesn't flow like an album so much as a mixtape, but it kicks anyway. Amazing. Check out Xeno.

Graphic Nature is an underrated unknown in the nu-core arena, and New Skin kept on proving the point. It's no full album, but it punches way above its weight class and every song is an instant moshpit classic. The coming album is a likely AOTY contender in 2023.

Notions' self-titled release was an AOTY contender itself for MONTHS, with songs like WOODGUTS and Velvet Room holding their own against the snarling chaos of World Arcana and TxxthTxker. Unfortunately, this is 2022 and this genius rapcore falls into the top ten. What the fuck.

Northlane's Obsidian tightened up their sound from the incredible Alien to the point that the whole album could have been pop music, taking a lot of elements I recognized from futurepop and other goth-club genres. Nevertheless, it felt inventive throughout.

I don't have the space to explain how much I loved Obsidian, so I'll just point out Clarity, Carbonized, Cypher and Nova all coexist. Oh, and Marcus has a voice that manages to go from grimy snarls to enervated goth-stomp intoning to angelic belting. Please listen.

In other goth-club-meets-nu-core releases, Void of Vision feels like they've finally nailed their sound in the Chronicles series. Chronicles II: Heaven exceeded my high expectations, with Berghain and Into the Dark especially sounding like Aesthetic Perfection doing metalcore.

Vein.fm's This World Is Going To Ruin You was an early favorite for AOTY, easily burying 2021. I didn't know what 2022 had in store, though. A song like Funeral Sound reminds me of The Paper Chase, and then there's The Killing Womb. The album is meant to be looped, too.

It's composed as perfectly as Gloom's Trinity, as a matter of fact, and has songs as wildly varied as Magazine Beach's pop-punky propulsion, Wherever You Are's tense ambience, Wavery's ratcheting energy, etc, etc. I could go on forever. LISTEN.

liveconformdie has come a long way from the pretty damn good Vol I: Cigarette Lullaby. Circa '94 should be rightfully considered a classic, and Vol II: Music for Living Failures improves upon that even further. As repetitive as Terrorwave and Nu Life are, they never get old.

Fetish is practically my theme song, Help Yourself is right at home next to Northlane and Void of Vision, Trash Culture is a pitch-perfect piece of trapcore, and even the interlude, In The Dark, manages to be memorable and delicious. You're missing out if you skip this.

Are we done? ARE WE FUCK. Weeping Wound put out idontbelonghere, a horrifying, alienating blend of dark-core DnB, evil industrial experimentation, and nu-core loathing that smashes your car to bits and overdoses in your kitchen. Unreal stuff for a 5 song EP.

Honestly, idontbelonghere. is so good it takes EPOTY from Graphic Nature, and that's just not fucking fair. How the fuck do you beat Chokehold? Apparently with dreaming.room. If there's a full-length in the works, 2023 is going to be a fucking knife fight for the crown.

But wait, there's more! ten56., one of my favorite bands, released three singles from their 2023 EP Downer pt. 2, and do you know how many of them broke my fucking legs? ALL OF THEM! Honestly, Aaron Matts is up there with Jack Murray and Mikey Arthur for my favorite vocalist.

Yenta is a full-song hostile breakdown that leaves you barely able to move your busted toes. Traumadoll is almost nothing but screaming trap-rap, alienating production and chugs like a bombing run. RLS is Soundcloud-rap-core, and I'm underselling it because of space. LISTEN.

Just when you thought we might be near the end, I'm here to tell you there's two more of these fucking things. Witness Orthodox's Learning to Dissolve, a full-length audio torture chamber. It's just aggression from start to finish, with the industrial interlude 11762 for flavor.

Head on a Spike, Cave In, Digging Through Glass, and Dissolve are all must-hear, but singling them out undersells the other songs on the album. It's another album that would have been AOTY any other fucking year, but it picked the stacked-as-a-motherfucker 2022 instead.

Finally, the release I thought would be the also-ran honorable-mention, but ended up being back of even that line: Profiler's self-titled EP. If you're looking for nostalgia, just go here. Glitch Theory is a lost Linkin Park song, Alpha Nine could have come from Deadsy, etc.

And that's it. I can't fucking believe how long this shit is. 2022, what the fuck was wrong with you? It's fucking distressing. If the bar for good music jumped that high that fast, the coming years look grim. Good luck, up-and-comers! You have some stiff fucking competition.

[tnyj-3]

2022: 18th year - Salvation - Day 210 - (Week 30 - Day 5 - (Month 7 - Week 4 - Day 2)).

Today marks the second to last day of the halfway mark of the first year of Salvation.

For the past two months and ten days, I have been compiling all the songs I have listened to throughout my earlier childhood, separating my life into five unique phases: 0: Very early childhood (2004 - 2009), 1: Mid to late childhood (2010 - 2015), and 3: adolescence (of which is split into three separate stages, since the darkness I experienced and the current phase trying to remedy it, due to this it’ll be listed as:) 3-A: 2016 - 2018, 3-B: 2019 - 2021 and finally, 3-C: 2022 - 2025. “But TNYJ”, you might say, “there are only 3 stages of your life!” In the grand scheme of things, yes, there are three whole stages of my life, but if you combine the Vantablack Years, that makes four and the Spectralon Remedy is the fifth and ongoing phase of my life.

I have entire playlists documenting each individual period of my life from birth to now. However, there are two playlists on both Soundcloud and YouTube, from 2019 onwards, since I have used both platforms from when I became a public artist. I am considering a Google Drive release for both TNYJ-0 - Beginnings Of A Bizarre Existence (2004 - 2009), and MOST especially: TNYJ-1 - Curiosity And Exploration (2010 - 2015), as the latter contains proper mainstream music on there (Bruno Mars, Maroon 5 and Ollie Murrs to name a few), then to copy-paste those Google Drive links into the video descriptions. I might do the same for the third, but for the most part, it’s all underground artists.

Currently, the first mixtape “TNYJ-0 - Beginnings Of A Bizarre Existence (2004 - 2009)” has 61 songs, and mostly consists of the intro theme songs for TV shows I used to watch, however, the overall tracklist may be updated upon the mixtape’s actual creation and released, since it has very specific TV commercials that I watched from when I was still a young child. The first three songs in this mixtape are extremely inexplicable, most especially the third song itself, which is the sonification of the Sun, the reason it exists in this particular mixtape is because it is my very first proper memory. Ever since 2015, I have recalled a strange feeling upon observing the sun’s light, it subconsciously transported me back to 2006, and to this day I have no idea why it still does. The two songs before this are by Mozart, and are possibly just as inexplicable as the Sun, but are more logical. Possibly in October or earlier in November of 2004, my mother heard that if you play music into the stomach via headphones, it would make your baby smarter, so she got a pair of headphones (from the late-90’s - early-2000’s) and played Mozart on full volume into her stomach, causing me to kick, because of the vibrations.

The second mixtape “TNYJ-1 - Curiosity And Exploration (2010 - 2015)” has 89 songs, with the kids’ TV show intros still present, but not as much as it’s predecessor. It features many proper mainstream music on there, as in the artists were frequently played on the radio at the time. Whether the tracklist will be updated or not is unconfirmed.

The third, “TNYJ-2 - Introduction To The Underground (2016 - 2018)” has a confirmed number of 84 songs, one of which is a mediocre Watchmojo video from 2015, that I watched a year after its initial release, that is the very first “song” of the mixtape. The rest consist only of Fast Noise Music (Speedcore, Splittercore, Suizidcore, Extratone, Supertone and Hypertone), thanks to that very video.

The fourth mixtape is the year 0 (out of 2) of darkness, the overall phase being: “TNYJ-3 - The Vantablack Years (2019 - 2021)”. But, individually, they are named “VY_0” all the way to “VY_2”. In total, the entire phase has 569 songs, but I would rather release the individual years first before the overall period. The very first mixtape of “TNYJ-3 - The Vantablack Years” is “VY-0 - Age Of Misery And Pain (2019)”, of which has 144 songs, both from SoundCloud and YouTube. This year is the worst of the two year period, several disappointments, a bad first relationship, and (thankfully), a failure to commit suicide. Upon becoming a public artist in late November - December 2019, I attempted an “””ARG””” that died in June 2020. I voiced the pain I was in at the time, though looking back, I did it in a rather cringy manner. In the very, very very early hours of 2020, I gained hope, that everything would be better for me, but then, in February of the same year, COVID-19 hit, and the lockdowns happened, and my hope was slowly eroded over time. By June 2020, after the initial release of Experience_0, the apathy that I felt, peaked. I have managed to find everything I listened to and made that year, and put them in the mixtape “VY_1 - Introduction To Audacity And Apathy (2020)” (fifth mixtape) and it has 117 songs, since I lost my SD cards the following year.

2021, the final year of darkness, was probably as bad as the first, due to many disappointments and frustrations. It was also the year of where I was the most delusional. As the previous year killed my hopes to feeling happier, due to COVID-19, the following year was where I did absolutely nothing but wallow in self-perpetuated despair and misery, hence the “delusions” part of the mixtape name revolving around that year specifically. After breaking my laptop in September that year, I had no real outlet, so I wrote essays, expressing my strong opinions and beliefs at the time. The most notable thesis being “Why Modern Society Is A Disease”, on which I said that we should scrap most laws except the most barebones ones (of which I NO LONGER STAND BY!!). I also (as I expressed more than once) worshipped the past heavily, much like everyone else in my very generation do. This mixtape (“VY_2 - Age Of Absolute Misery, Nihilism, Pessimism and Delusions (2021)”) has the second biggest tracklist of the entire catalogue. With 308 songs total. Which is why the entire period has 569 songs altogether. I was also depressed due to the constant worshipping of the past as well. The worst part is that it is a self-perpetuating feedback loop.

On December 30th, 2021, I gained a new sense of hope for the new year, officially naming it “18th year - Salvation” and thus, the fifth total phase of my life is born: “TNYJ-4 - SY_0 (to SY_2) - S-R_0 (to S-R_2)”, the Spectralon Remedy and Spectralon Years. The Spectralon Remedy is meant to last until 2024, and then from 2025 onwards, it will be the Spectralon Years, until 2029. Where it will then turn into the “Post-Spectralon” years, to signify adulthood. All of this will be documented in music as well. This year’s mixtape is so far, the biggest one of my whole life, with 369 songs and counting. It will be completed on 31/12/22. The mixtape’s name (for this year) is “TNYJ-4 - SY_0 - S-R_0 - Remedy Of 2019” however, don’t let the huge track list get the better of you, as this one is possibly just as bizarre as the very first one (TNYJ-0), as I had to relive my early childhood by searching for the intros of the kids’ shows I watched from 2008 - 2015, as well as search for actual songs I listened to from 2010 - 2021, and I think, the most inexplicable “song” is actually a video of me going to my great grandmother’s house after her death. Why is this inexplicable? You may ask, it is so because the whole time I was there, it felt vaguely familiar, and the reason why, is that I went there during my most primitive years of life (2005 - 2007) and I went there quite a few times too. The audio of the video will be in this year’s mixtape unedited, because it was a bizarre experience, an experience that deepened my hypothesis and own convictions regarding my memory.

My own depth of memory makes me wonder what else have I experienced, and if I can relive it to some degree. This fact is most interesting to me.

Following post: unknown date.

- 2022: 18th year - Salvation - Day 210 - (Week 30 - Day 5 - (Month 7 - Week 4 - Day 2)).

- TNYJ

[vanityloves]

anyways im gonna listen to/read the fuckin...rise of the ogre shit bc ive been putting it off 🪓🥴 im gonna put stuff under the cut bc im gonna be TALKING n dont wanna make a new post everytime

piss

ok he performed for 2 pounds 50. which is basically $3 today i- well it was absolutely a power play on his father behalf that also had the promise of money so.

also lol he said Rejection fueled my ambitions which, yknow,, i already knew but it still hurts and i will continue to talk ab it xoxo

AH HELP. "...if ebay had been invented at the time he would've sold me online there and then,"

"man hands on misery to man, yknow"

THEN PROCEEDS TO CONNECT IT TO MUSIC/HIS CAREER. this man said :) the one thing i truly have a passion for. the one thing i fucking like.

oh yeah. bullied by students AND teachers.

oh god hes 42ish during this interview? ok.

the fuckin school bully saying he wouldve acted differently if he knew what hed become

getting called "faceache", then proceeds to call 2d that. jfc he really does just repeat what everyone says. really "treating others how i was treated/how they treat me"

maybe thats why? hes kinder to fans? bc :] you support me and like me so, ok ill return that energy

MURDOC GETTING HIS ASS BEAT N PARADING HOME LIKE WELL I WON BC 'I PISSED YOU OFF' SJDJD

a real rowdy boy. absolute nasty boy. fraud and arson... shooting ppls windows with his air pistols

black sabbath being a huge inspiration? fucking absolutely.

became a satanist n shit at age 16? "it fitted me like a glove" "heavy metal and devil worshipping became my favorite past times" ajsj funny that ppl in trying times often seek religion or following of some sort

heavy metal being his favorite, n loving the clash, while hannibals was more punk based

hannibal breaking murdocs nose for the 2nd and 3rd time for playing his music on hannibals turntable

he doesnt sound that bitter? ab hannibal? he doesnt sound incredibly fond but he talks ab how he got him into a lot of music. so, i imagine they we're a bit closer than i thought?

international baccalaureate in antisocial? anthropology?

MURDOC IS ACTUALLY SMART HE WAS JUST. NOT INTERESTED IN THE SUBJECTS? I GUESS? (also,,, he literally Built cyborg noodle and i think he had a PhD too lol. but its always nice to hear hes actually...yknow, interested or good at other things)

alright but murdoc having a fascination w/ other cultures - or at least some interests, that lead him to actually study the damn subject and "pass with flying colors"

'fuck college though. im gonna be a rockstar'

he sold his soul at 18ish? whenever the fuck he got kicked out but college was mentioned so my brain goes to 18ish idk

he lived with his father still and paid rent via low paying jobs one including 'part time dressing as santa'

help he was ab to take a Personal Job for quick cash and uhh well, "still made me call him sir though" he really said 20 dollars is 20 dollars, huh "that story was totally true"

alright, 1997,,,

2d stuff

loves zombie stuff? thats really cute, and is freaked out by the way they move. god he rambles

both he and murdoc are horses in the chinese zodiac

[[jfc ok if the official shit compares them a lot i understand why ppl ship them but Dont. its a narrative foil and that doesnt always mean Romance jfc.]]

SUMTHINK.

truly... a lil stinker. super cute bouncing baby and a "bit thick" which is stull so endearing to me. hes just a happy man!

excitable 10 year old and would dance around his room

jfc the fact he has normal/caring parents. i kinda forget how opposite hes supposed to be from murdoc but i think thats another thing jsjsysg (murdoc said why isnt my tragic story making me famous why does he get to be the Star. no wonder he acts like a loon)

i still dont get how gettin bonked by a tree branch made him go bald and also turn his hair blue

big tiddy nurse mommy,,,

went to the same school as The Cure and got decent grades despite hittin the noggin quite hard. WANTED TO BE A STORM CHASER... OMG??

oh thats really cute, hed bond with his dad by building keyboards toegther 🥺💕

messed around with paints and graffiti? artistic king

MURDOC AGAIN: QHDJ 'VILLANOUS' GANG HELP

oh yeah d day...new instruments, new band, new singer - and 'had to be the best or no dice' and absolutely CONFIDENT that his songs were bangers ajsjd

but on that same note, had absolute faith (or desperate) in 2d which i love

ransacked the fucking music shop jdjdj and 2d said he was Just Standing There behind the counter the whole shift hdhdh

"thats when your eye came out, yeah" "yeah!-" HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND SO HAPPY AB IT ?? yes he said ut hurt but he sounds...ok

jfc murdoc ragdolling this poor mf around. dunking him and slapping him around. actually? so incredibly terrible and abusive and i hate him for that 🔫 im sorry 2d stans. we dont condone that behavior here ong.

how and why the FUCK did 2d's parents allow that fucker near their child after that i??? help. wtf. his moms a nurse why didnt she just have murdoc sit in plain view of other people. god damn.

2d flying out the window n hitting the curb "whoops"

"just two black holes...[ah] it looked great...a blue hair, blacked eyed GOD- the girls would go wild-" "pretty boy looks" ???? HELP. HE DOESNT GO LIGHT ON THE COMPLIMENTS, HUH

RUSS TIME

oh yeah, he straight up kiddnapped this man help. idk how he managed that, russ is a Big Man??

AND MURDOCS MUSIC WAS SO FUCKING SEXY GOOD that russel said hm alright ill stay, :] out ifbhis owm free will im screaming.

"oh this is one of them febreeze commercials" "uh . yeah sure. *murdoc turning on his Sick Tunes*" but that either means? it was just his guitar playing the convinced russ? unless he and 2d recorded sumn?

"2d was the looks, murdoc the brains, then russel truly was the heart"

'while 2d and murdoc liked music, this man was a MUSICIAN' god fucking bless this book holy shit ny man russ getting some respect. he said back hurts from carrying this band.

murdoc basically heard this guy had big trauma that gave him So Many Skills n said "thats what i want" ok idk thats actually really? inch rest ting to me. seems that murdocs fine handing out compliments but i guess that where his charisma really helps out yeah?

"he was going to be in my band whether he liked it or not" ...murdoc-

HELP. 2D IS LIKE BRO GO ON IM LISTENING 🥺 despite hearing the story 50-60 times and murdoc said fuck off you lil shit.

ok irrelevant but i love his voice! its super comforting n nice to listen to 🥺

HELP MURDOCS SO BITTER. "NOTHING THAT HAPPENS TO US IS NORMAL" WELL YEAH. THIS IS TRAUMA CENTRAL.

idk how/why he sucked up all his friends souls though ... how are they all possessing the same person. they said "its my turn on The Russ"

DELL IS HIS ACTUAL, LITERAL SOULMATE...KING...😭

went to a private school,,, and was already possessed? and the thing where he gets bigger and smaller is a reoccurring thing?

was in a coma for 4 years?

hiphop machine...time and history...the ultimate set i guess.

his knowledge was infinite and hes a "Renaissance man" hes so fucking smart our king. jack of all trades but a master of drums. he said i know im good and what of it

PAULA.

HELP. HE RMBRS THE STALL: CUBICAL NUMBER 3 🥴 IF I DO RECALL 🤤

yes russel our king. fuck up his nose 5 more times. probably stunted his growth too. he shrunk after russ gave him a wallop im sure

why dies paula sound like tracer overwatch

also only dated 2d for 2 months before joining the band?

HELP SHE REALLY WAS THE FIRST MURDOC FUCKER: "but when i saw murdoc with his thick greasy hair, green teeth and yellow skin i thought 'oh this is the ine for me!'" "OH HES SUCH A DANDY-" HELP ME IM HQJDHD

sick in the head...like i want to hurt people help girl. shes fucking Crazy. but she rly said damn i didnt hear back from him again 😭 and my purse is gone JSHHD

MURDOC: SHE WAS DEPRESSINGLY UGLY *still fucked her*

NOODLE TIME

"small japanese person!"

2d: we werent gorillaz until noodle arrived!

im dying the reason he chose gorillaz. 'swinging through the jungle baring my ass'

noodle really said "im just happy to be here" and she balanced everyone out 😭 "she gave off pure love and the fact that she could laugh at murdoc REALLY helped too" RUSS... IS BABY

JFC MURDOCS SO FUCKING CONFIDENT IN THIS BAND IM LIVING FOR THAT. HE SAID YOU WANT US SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID. THE CHARISMA

2d rambling ab some girl he met and "ssSs" "whats the s stand for hawhaw" "i dont know!".

THE RECORD LABEL GUY.

one song is all it took i ❤ good for them

just murdoc talking ab the party that they threw for thier deal and saying "you dont know how much of a dick i felt like [when carrying one of those huge checks]" like oh thats whatll make you a dick? alright.

A FOOD FIGHT THAT WENT SO HARD THAT IT KNOCKED 2DS TONSILS OUT? WHAT THE FUCK

ahshdj damon and murdoc not getting along bc of Rival Band One Uppery + damon calling murdocs cuban heels crap since ge wore steel ones with gold spurs.

MURDOC FEELIN EMBARRASSED BC HES 'QUITE PROUD OF HIS SHOES'

but the band and damon getting over music and their ambitions and became a "paternal figure"

HELP MURDOC SAID AWIOGA @ RACHEL WHICH MADE HER THROW HER DRINK IN HIS FACE AND SPLIT FROM 2D. kinda sad actually, she said i still like 2d but murdoc kinda ruined it by trying to get it in with me, it put a strain in our relationship :/ oh god murdocs That Dude

nov 31 1998: started recording :]

40 tracks that got cut down to 15 holy shit

KONG STUDIOS 🤲

hooking up cameras in every room ejdjsu

webby artist of the year in 2006? holy shit

noodle learning ab kong studios omfg

JFC. YES I KNEW KONG WAS BUILT ON/IN A CEMETERY BUT I DIDNT KNOW PPL FOR THE FUCKING PLAGUE WHERE THROWN THERE HDJD

built in 1739?

the ghost of the first owners ghost still roams around in the kitchen in the early hours and moans 'aaa glass of water'

theres some rotting bullshit near the studios and in the summer its fucking TERRIBLE

the former owners were a biker gang, and they all died in a fire

murdoc said this place has bad vibes. i want it.

grim weather

the building feels impossible to escape from huHgg

[howaminotinthestrokesyet]

Wherever They May Roam: Jason Newsted

Jason Newsted was born on March 4, 1963 in Battle Creek, Michigan. His family would relocate to Kalamazoo when he was 14. His early family life would take place on a farm. The guitarist essentially was raised initially as a country boy. He would later say this in an interview. "It's where I learned about life – seeing a baby cow born right in front of your eyes when you're eight years old is pretty intense…I was from a very strong family and I was raised to be a strong, pure Americana farm boy." His mother began teaching him piano at the age of nine, but at the age of 14 he switched instruments to the bass guitar. Some of his musical heroes ironically included the same ones as a Cliff Burton like Lemmy Kilmister, Geezer Butler, and Geddy Lee. His inspiration for switching to bass came after listening to Gene Simmons of Kiss on an album. In 1981, Newsted left Michigan with the hopes of starting a band in California. He and a friend made it as far as Phoenix, not California. He helped to start a band called Dogz, which later became Flotsam and Jetsam in 1983. They specialized in the newly found genre of thrash metal. One of the bands that they looked up to at that time was none other than Metalica. Their debut album was released in 1986 on Metal Blade Records entitled Doomsday For the Deceiver. At that time, Newsted not only played bass, but he was also the primary songwriter and lyricist for the band. That same year, Metallica auditioned new bass guitarists following the tragic death of Cliff Burton. Although Flotsam and Jetsam had a bright future, Newsted decided that he would try out for Metallica. The bassist competed against 50 other guitarists auditioning for the job. They included bass players from other established bands like Trestament, Megadeth, Blind Illusion, and Heathen. Newsted would be the last one to audition, so in preparation he had learned most of the songs that the band would be playing for their next tour with Ozzy Osbourne. Upon walking into the audition, the bass player handed Lars Ulrich a list of all the songs he knew how to play. Metallica named Newsted their new bass player at a second meeting, where they had even invited his parents. His mother would say to him that day, “You are the one. Please, be safe."

His first live performance with the band would take place in July 1986 in Reseda, California. His first recording with the band would occur on the 598 EP: Garage Days Revisted followed by his first feature length album, And Justice For All. This became a less than auspicious debut for Newsted as the album’s bass could barely be heard at all causing Ulrich and Hetfield to complain at length about the production quality related to the mixing of the album. Newsted would go on to perform bass guitar on Metallica, Garage Inc., Load, Reload, and three live albums. He sang backing vocals on the tracks for “Creeping Death,” “Whiplash,” and “Seek and Destroy.” The guitarist co-wrote the songs “Blackened” and “My Friend For Misery” during his tenure with the band. His last performance with Metallica took place in November 2000 at the MTV Movie Awards.

On January 17, 2001, Jason Newsted announced his resignation from Metallica. The backstory to this will be discussed at length in my article on the St. Anger album. Newsted had wanted to pursue a side project called Echo Brain, but James Hetfield was quite vocal as to the fact that the band should reject any thought about such a thing. In a 2009 interview, he looked back at his decision to quit. “I tell you very honestly, one billion percent, I have never regretted leaving Metallica. It was the right thing for everyone. It was the right thing to do for the camp. That's it. I've never told anyone that I wanted to go back or anything like that—not once. I made up my mind. It was not an easy thing to do, but it was something I had to do. I thought about it very much before I pulled the trigger and because of that, I have never looked back. The past is where it's supposed to be." The aftermath of all this along with Hetfield going into rehab almost led to the break up of Metallica. Despite all this drama, the bassist remained good friends with the band even appearing on stage with them over the years including side-by-side with his replacement Robert Trujillo at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction in 2009. The guitarist was subsequently inducted into the Hall of Fame with the rest of the group that night.

In 2002, Newsted joined the thrash metal group from Canada Voivod as their newest bass player. He would appear with them at Ozz Fest 2003. On that same tour, he filled in as the bass player for Ozzy Osbourne‘s band ironically because their bass player Robert Trujillo had left to join Metallica as Newsted’s replacement. He had discussed possibly making an album with Ozzy Osbourne, but following the completion of the tour these plans never saw the light of day. Jason went on to record two albums with Voivod, Katorz and Infini. For the latter album, the band’s website noted that Newstead played all the bass parts on that particular album. Sandwiched in between the release of these albums was his participation in a super group called Supernova. This was only meant to be temporary as it was based on a television show creating a new band using recognized musicians to find a new lead singer. In the fall of 2006, the guitarist injured his shoulder trying to move an amp head in his studio. This would lead to a hiatus from playing as he endured a lengthy rehab. Two things came out of this rehab, positive and negative. On the plus side, his girlfriend later his wife artist Nicole Leigh Smith encouraged him to begin painting, This is a hobby the guitarist still continues to this day. His first gallery showing took place in 2010 with many of his original paintings being sold. Newstead said that his artwork is quite similar to his music, crazy and colorful. On the negative side, Newsted relapsed into his addiction to pain killers, which he had struggled with earlier in his career. The good news is the guitarist has said that he has not touched a painkiller since 2010. More recently, Newstead has been involved in three other projects. In 2010, he participated in a super group called WhoCares, which included Ian Gillian, keyboardist Jon Lord from Deep Purple, guitarist Tony Iommi from Black Sabbath, second guitarist Mikko Lindström from HIM, and drummer Nicko McBrain from Iron Maiden. The group created two tracks for charity including “Out of My Mind” and “Holy Water,” which was sold online. In 2012, he formed his own group called Newstead, which would go on to release an EP and a debut album called Heavy Metal Music. Any reference to the group has faded away since 2014 as the guitarist noted the project became a little too costly as he had to put up most of the money for it. “It cost me an awful lot of money – hundreds of thousands of dollars to take the Newsted band around to the 22 countries we played." In 2016, the guitarist formed an acoustic group call Jason Newsted and the Chop House Band. The group has performed a variety of live dates in small venues around the country in the past few years.

[alwaysgcld]

could it be this misery will suffice?

summary: ben’s first time in the forest by himself since october, trying to find the solace he once found there to help clear his mind of the memories this time of year raised.

December 24, 2006

“Is it true?”

The room was dead silent as they waited for his answer. Silence: it was completely out of place for his grandparent’s home. A moment of peace was rare to find within the walls unless by some miracle you had it all to yourself. That wasn’t the case now. The house was full of people, which Ben was acutely aware of. It was a fact that made the silence even more painful to endure as the confrontation unfolded. 

He could lie. Get through the rest of the visit by playing it off as nothing. Let it go until the moment was right, so it could all go the way he wanted it to. Planned for it to go. He should have known better. You can carefully map out your life, but that doesn’t come with a guarantee that it’ll go exactly that way.

Yes, he could lie. But he wasn’t a liar. Even if it came down to it, he wouldn’t be able to tell a lie to save his own life. This situation was starting to feel like a life or death one. No, no that was silly. He was safe here… Wasn’t he?

His eyes had been firmly on the floor this whole time, too afraid of what he might see written on all the faces present if he looked up. He was out of time now, clear by the loud thud of his great uncle slamming his hand down on the table next to them, making Ben flinch.

“Answer me!”

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, scrounging up all the courage he could to look at the man demanding an answer from him in the eye. He could hear footsteps beginning to approach the living room, faintly making out the concerned voices of his father and grandparents. They’d understand. Everything would be okay.

“Yes.”

There’s a beat of silence.  Then he was on the ground, reeling from the unexpected blow to his head. Everything becomes a blur of sounds and shapes. All he is aware of is the pain coursing through his body until it all fades to black.

Why couldn’t he be a liar?

December 25, 2020 12:30 am

Ben woke up on the floor heaving for breath. For a moment, he wasn’t sure where he was. He lay frozen on the ground for who knows how long, preparing for the next blow to come. It wasn’t until Iseul’s head suddenly came into view that he realized where he was. That he was safe.

Relief flooded him as he closed his eyes, taking a moment to calm his breathing. Iseul began nudging his cheek with her cold nose. He looked at her, mustering a small smile as he reached out to pet her head. “I’m okay, Iseul.” He’s not sure if his words made an impact or if it was just pets, but Iseul began to lick his face, tail thumping against the wall as she did. A breathy laugh escaped him at her antics. That was exactly what he needed to steady himself from the nightmare he had just woken from. From the memory he always found himself reliving on this day.

He sat up after a few seconds, a quiet sigh escaping him as he checked the time. Once he was sitting, Iseul had made her way back onto his bed, no doubt ready to get back to a restful sleep. She gave him what he imagined was an expectant look, waiting for him to get back on the bed as well. Sleep was the last thing on his mind now. He was sure if he tried to, he’d just end up back there on the living room floor.

Untangling his legs from his blanket, he tossed it back onto the bed before standing up. His eyes darted around the room in search of something to put his mind at ease. Nothing felt right though, it all just made him feel more weary. Another sigh, fingers brushing through his hair as his eyes did another once over the room as if something would suddenly appear to appease him by sheer will. 

In the last two months, there had been lots of changes made to the furniture in his apartment. All an attempt to make it feel like home once again, but standing there now he was overly aware of how his attempts had not done anything to fix anything. Nothing could erase all that had happened so easily.

It didn’t take long for him to get dressed to face the winter weather once he realized that he was not going to find any solace within the walls of his apartment. Iseul lay on the bed, watching as he moved around, only raising her head when he got to the stairs leading downstairs.

“I’ll be back soon.”

A shiver ran through him as he exited the clinic, the frigid temperature enveloping him at once. He could handle cold weather easily, it was something he had grown up with after all. But even after five years it still struck him how quiet it became in Pelican Town after it snowed. Especially at night.

When he had gone on late night walks during the winter, whether it had been Kingston or New York, there had been sounds of life still going on around him. Whether it was distant sounds of cars driving by or muffled sounds coming from within the buildings. It was enough to let him know he was not alone out there. Not really.

But here? The silence was deafening. 

Only the sound of his footsteps followed him that night as he made his way along the path. Before everything that had happened, he would have put headphones on, listening to music as he went on his walks by himself, especially at night, to avoid leaving his mind unoccupied for too long. 

Lately though, he found himself just enjoying the stillness of the night. Just a moment to be with himself. To reflect on his thoughts. Something he had spent the better part of his life trying not to do. He was always too afraid of what ugly realization of himself might rear its head if he gave it a chance to. It wasn’t as easy to treat himself with kindness to those sorts of thoughts as it was with others who might feel the same way about themselves.

Ben came to a halt at the entrance of Cindersnap Forest, taking a deep breath as he took in the sight of the threes, ignoring how the cold air hurt his lungs. It had been so long since he had entered the forest by himself, the events of October still clouding his thoughts of the place. For a moment he considered turning around, making his way somewhere else, just to put this moment off for a bit longer. 

His gaze moved in the direction of Henry’s home, remembering how he agreed to not hold back from telling him things. That he wouldn’t suffer on his own. No, no he couldn’t. This was an entirely different kind of hurt, one that lived in him longer than he had even known Henry. He couldn’t just… It was just another thing to hold back. Besides, it was the middle of the night, and he wouldn’t just be disturbing Henry’s sleep if he knocked on the door now. He bit his lip, gaze moving to the path he knew he could take to Malia’s house. Hadn’t he already told her part of the story? Maybe it would be easier to get off his chest with her because of that. No, he couldn’t disturb her sleep either. Nor did he want to burden her with that pain any further, especially after the anniversary of her mother’s death had only been a few days prior. There was Adria, maybe even Sloane but there wasn’t any point in considering either of them further when he realized he would just use the time of night to justify not disturbing them.

He slowly began to trudge forward, eyes flickering around to take in the beauty the night had to offer. The snow blanketing the ground and dusting tree limbs was gently glowing in the moonlight. A stark contrast to the dark leaves peeking out at the bottom of the branches and the night sky. He had missed this.

Then he reached the clearing with the lake, once again halting in his steps. Another deep breath making his lungs ache. A light layer of snow had settled on to the frozen lake and the dock as well. There was a moment of consideration before he stepped onto the dock, the creak of the wood underneath his foot familiar, and welcomed. He took a seat at the end of the dock, not minding the cold seeping through his jeans from the light snow and wood.

The view from the dock was beautiful, comforting even in an odd way. How many winter days had he spent out here, watching people skate or snow ball fights going on within the trees. There was even that one year a few kids had started a snowman building contest, lining them along one side of the lake. Those were the things he should be focusing on when he thought about this place and what it meant to him. The sort of things that made him fall in love with the valley a little bit more each time he got to witness them. He wished that all that happened in October didn’t happen, that it didn’t cloud his view on his home for as long as it did. It did happen though. It did make him question everything about Stardew Valley for a while. He just needed to make peace with it and move forward.

December 15, 2020

“Did you forgive yourself?”

Ben gave the older woman sitting across from him a perplexed look, not sure what to make of her question. She responded with a kind smile that had an underlying tone of triumph he thought. He may have been reading too much into that though.

This therapist may have been new to him, but it wasn’t his first time seeing one. So he may have been quick to move past issues he had already worked on with previous therapists. Quick to answer any prodding questions with a practiced ease. She had been nothing but patient with him and his antics. Still he knew that must have been frustrating to a certain extent. The thing was he was here to resolve something completely new, what was the point of delving into the older stuff?

He knew the point. He just wanted to move forward and not look back. He hated looking back.

“I’m sorry,” he cleared his throat, tilting his head as he eyed her. “Forgive myself for what exactly?” Her smile only widened as she looked back at him, crossing one leg over the other. Definitely a note of smugness in her smile at being able to derail him from his attempt at moving past ‘the core of his problems.’ He rubbed his temple, a frown forming on his face before his therapist finally began to answer him.

“Even though you have acknowledged that what happened to you was not your fault, it is clear that you still hold yourself accountable for it,” she fixed him with a stern look when he opened his mouth. The sort of look that made it clear that even if he tried to deny it, she would not believe him. He closed his mouth, leaning back with a defeated look. 

“You’ve forgiven everyone else that was there that night, even your attacker, who one might argue did not deserve that sort of compassion from you after what happened. So why were you able to forgive them but not yourself? Do you not consider yourself worthy of the same kind of compassion you showed them?”

He didn’t say anything.

December 25, 2020 7:30 am

Somehow just a walk to clear his mind had turned into several hours of stargazing and contemplating. The hint of the sun beginning to rise was the only thing able to break him from his trance. As he got to his feet, he paused to look at the view from the dock one more time. He took a deep breath, just allowing himself one more moment. One more moment to feel everything a little bit more freely. To appreciate his step towards regaining the sense of comfort this spot once held for him. He turns around, heading back into town, feeling lighter on his journey back to the clinic than he had been when leaving.

December 15, 2020

“If it’s not my fault, what am I forgiving myself for?”

A satisfied smile fell on her face — he must have asked the question she had been hoping he would. “For blaming yourself to begin with,” she answered, writing on her notepad as she did. She paused, meeting his eyes with a more reassuring smile as she added: “For letting it shape how you view yourself for so long.” 

It was such a kind way of alluding to his self hatred that it made him want to laugh. Or cry. His conflicted emotions must have shown, or maybe it was his lack of his response that encouraged his therapist to continue.

“You deserve the peace you’ve so readily offered others, Ben.”

[akisazame]

not strictly in the spirit of trivia tuesday but here's a fun thing i've wanted to talk about for a while: fic inspiration playlists.

when it becomes clear that i'm going to have to live with a writing project for an extended period of time (ie it's shaping up to be novella-length or longer), the first two orders of business are:

1) title the thing so i'm not stuck calling it by a temp name in my head

2) make a playlist

these are actually two related actions because the first song in the playlist will always be the song from which i pulled the fic title. lyrics are obviously the most important part but it's also the broadest way to set the mood of the whole playlist and therefore the fic. that first song, plus the next four songs, basically make up a sort of mission statement.

here's the mission statement for your emotions have an echo, aka camp canyon grove au:

i chose the gnarls barkley song for a few reasons, but primarily because it was the first song that turned up in my google searches for "most popular songs 2006" that didn't make me want to scream. plus, you know, ha ha the song is called crazy and it's a crazy ex-girlfriend fic. the p!atd song came next because "let's get these teen hearts beating faster" was the runner-up title. from there i went slightly anachronistic with misery business, which has the rebecca vs valencia flavor that i needed. young enough is completely anachronistic but 1) i fucking love charly bliss, and 2) it perfectly captures the feeling of intense teenage summer love. how to be a heartbreaker represents rebecca's outlook as the pov character.

and here's throw a living past away, my queliot wip:

somebody that i used to know was a transplant from the camp canyon grove playlist, because once i started actually drafting the queliot fic i knew it fit much better there and also i really wanted to use that title. i originally said on twitter that your emotions have an echo is 2000s indie pop aesthetic and throw a living past away is 2000s alternative aesthetic but how it's actually shaken out is more of a 2000s sadboy aesthetic. we looked like giants is the second song because dcfc was the music i personally was listening to when i was sad in the 2000s (and within the first 3000 words i wrote, i managed to work in a reference to a grey subcompact). next is charly bliss because see above note about charly bliss and also it just straight up has eliot's name in it so what else am i supposed to do with that? king of carrot flowers is the song that immediately comes to mind when i think about boys being sad in the 2000s. i was meant for the stage is a song about eliot, who is not the pov character but who is basically the only thing quentin cares about for the majority of the fic.

from there, the playlist is primarily populated by feel. these fics are both "period pieces" as much as i hate the idea that 10-15 years ago counts as a period piece, so i do try to keep to songs that actually existed at the time. this is easy for throw a living past away since it spans a fairly long period of time (2007-2015), and harder for your emotions have an echo since it takes place almost entirely during a couple of weeks in summer 2006 (with two exceptions). but ultimately i'm writing fiction so if i want to pretend that 17-year-old rebecca bunch was blasting we are never ever ever getting back together then that's my prerogative, thanks very much. this is also why i won’t ever use the word “soundtrack” to describe these playlists (although, in the case of your emotions have an echo, at least one song does actually appear in the text).

in an ideal world, a person could listen to these playlists and intuit, if not the plot, then at least the type of story i'm setting out to tell. the process of making the playlist isn’t any sort of substitute for outlining, but it does help me feel out the story’s shape and sometimes informs certain plot beats (see: the five song section of throw a living past away that i added specifically for “teen witchcraft vibes”). 

if you're so inclined, you can listen to both your emotions have an echo and throw a living past away on spotify. (fair warning that the playlist for your emotions have an echo contains a couple elements that i consider to be spoilery, but that's entirely my perception.)

[ollies-studyblr]

German III: 2.6-2.12

Culture facts:

In the United States, when people sneeze, most well wishers will respond with "Bless you."  However, it is not uncommon to hear Gesundheit as well.  Gesundheit is the German word that means "health," so when you hear Gesundheit after a sneeze, it is spoken to wish the person good health.  Germans will respond with Danke.   This expression first found its way to the United States through immigrating Ashkenazi Jews in the early twentieth century, but it has now become part of the English language.

You're going to be learning about something called a Kurort or "town with a health resort, spa."  People with long-term or chronic illnesses can actually get a prescription from their doctor to spend time being treated there.  They have some of the finest facilities available for physical rehabilitation, but they also have many cultural attractions to help cure the mind and soul as well.  Many of the Kurorte are known for their medicinal baths of one kind or another.

One of the earliest "bath" facilities (the "Kaiserthermen") can be found in Trier (on the Mosel near Luxemburg).  This city (one of several that claim to be the oldest city in Germany) was founded by the Romans in 16 BCE.   It was even the capital of the Western Roman Empire during the time of Emperor Constantine the Great, whose throne room can still be seen in the Basilika (now a Protestant church) and under whose reign the "Kaiserthermen" were built.  Tours are given of both the above- and below-ground parts of this huge bathing facility.  It's a "must-see" when you get to Trier!

Other major sights in Trier are the Roman Amphitheater (you can visit the cells of the gladiators and experience the amazing acoustics as well) and the Porta Nigra, which has been everything from a gateway, to an army barracks, to a Protestant church!

Those interested in more "modern" history can visit the birthplace of Karl Marx, who lived in Trier at a time of considerable misery for the city, an experience that no doubt influenced his later ideas.  

Oh, and by the way, Trier has a fantastic youth hostel.

People in the United States sometimes use the phrase "I'll keep my fingers crossed" in order to wish someone good luck.  However, if one would say that in Germany, Germans would most likely look confused.  In German, people use the phrase Ich drück (dir) den Daumen to indicate the same type of wish.  They make a fist but squeeze their thumb in  behind their pointer finger.

August Macke (1887–1914) was one of the leading artists in Der Blaue Reiter (the Blue Rider Group).  This group was made up of all Expressionist artists.  Macke, along with other Blaue Reiter  artists such as Franz Marc and Wassily Kandinski, were instrumental in bringing the Expressionist movement to Germany.

Germany is one of several countries around the world that provide a national health care system. Nearly all citizens are insured by a national health insurance (Krankenversicherung) program.  Over 90 percent of all Germans receive health care through this program.   Membership in this program is required for all those earning less than a specific income.  This income ceiling changes periodically.  The remainder of the population is covered through private for-profit insurance companies.  Everyone, however, uses the same health care facilities.

Körperwelten  ("Body Worlds") is a traveling exhibition of preserved human bodies and body parts which are prepared using a technique called plastination in order to show inner organs or structures. The exhibition's developer is a German anatomist named Gunther von Hagens. He invented the plastination technique in the late 1970s. Since the first exhibition in Tokyo in 1995, two additional exhibitions have opened world-wide. The latest one opened in May, 2006, in Minneapolis, MN. It is calculated that over 17 million people worldwide have seen this exhibit.  

Genitive Case: Possession

“the”

des, -(e)s --> masc

der --> fem

des, -(e)s --> neut

der --> plural

“a”

eines, -(e)s

einer

eines, -(e)s

“this”

dieses, -(e)s

dieser

dieses, -(e)s

dieser

“his”

seines, -(e)s

seiner

seines, -(e)s

seiner

“not any”

keines, -(e)s

keiner

keines, -(e)s

keiner

with genitive case, you construct sentences as the ____ of the ____

Genitive Prepositions:

außerhalb --> outside of

innerhalb --> inside of, within

statt (also anstatt) -->  instead of

wegen -->  because of

trotz -->  in spite of

während -->  during ("at the time of")

Body Vocab:

der Arm, -e --> arm

das Auge, -n --> eye

die Augenbraue, -n --> eyebrow

der Hals, -e --> neck

das Bein, -e --> leg

die Lippe, -n --> lip

der Fuß, -e --> foot

das Ohr, -en --> ear

der Zahn, -e --> tooth

die Nase, -n --> nose

die Zehe, -n -->toe

der Mund, -er --> mouth

der Bauch, -e --> stomach

die Zunge, -n --> tongue

der Finger --> finger

der Kopf, -e --> head

das Haar, -e --> hair

der Daumen --> thumb

das Kinn, -e --> chin

der Nacken --> back of the neck

der Rücken --> back

die Hüfte, -n --> hip

der Po, -s --> butt

das Gesicht, -er --> face

der Ellbogen / Ellenbogen --> elbow

das Knie --> knee

die Ferse, -n --> heel

die Hand, -e --> hand

die Schulter, -n --> shoulder

Oliver’s Travels:

Olivers grandparents were on vacation in the spa town of Baden-Baden. Baden-Baden is located in Baden-Württemberg in the Black Forest. Many people travel there during the holidays or do a cure there. Olivers grandparents have been on vacation. Baden-Baden really liked them.

(Festspielhaus in Baden-Baden) On the first evening in Baden-Baden they went to the concert. The Deutsches Symphonie-Orchester Berlin gave a concert in the Festspielhaus. Classical music is her favorite music. When Olivers grandmother was younger, she played the violin. That's why she likes to go to the concert. With the Kurkarte the cards cost only 60 Euros.

(Rennfieber in Iffezheim) They also visited the international race track in Iffezheim. Ms. Kriestch has therefore bought a new glamorous hat. The women there wear the most glamorous and crazy hats in the world. Fortunately, the Kretsches bet little luck because their horse has not won.

(Das Casino in Baden-Baden) The Casino Baden-Baden was incredibly elegant! The women put on pretty evening dresses and the men all wear ties and jackets. Oliver's grandfather played at many tables there. He played mainly roulette and blackjack. Oliver’s granny preferred to play the slot machines. Fortunately, they had more money in their pockets after the evening at the casino than before!

(Das Friedrichsbad) In Friedrichsbad, they simply relaxed for a whole day. The Friedrichsbad is located right in the old town. Here you can experience the Roman bathing culture and the Irish bathing tradition. For over 125 years people have come to Friedrichsbad to rest. Oliver’s grandparents enjoyed the thermal baths very much. This is good for the soul and the body!

(Meuseum Frieder Burda) There are various art museums in Baden-Baden. Mr. and Mrs. Krietsch went to the Museum Frieder Burda. The new museum of the collector Frieder Burda is in the Lichtentaler Allee in the Kurpark Baden-Baden. Here are mainly paintings from the last 100 years. A collection has works by German Expressionists such as Max Beckmann, Ernst Ludwig Kirchner or August Macke.

(Rosenneuheitengarten) On the last day, they went for a walk in the world famous "Rosenneuheitengarten". The park was beautiful. During this vacation, Oliver’s grandparents have really relaxed.

Problems Vocab:

Mir ist schlecht. --> I am not well

Ich bin krank. --> I am sick

Ich habe Fieber. --> I have a fever

Mir ist heiß. --> I am hot

Ich niese. --> I sneeze

Ich huste --> I cough

Ich bin müde --> I am tired

Ich habe Allergien --> I have allergies

Ich habe eine Erkältung --> I have a cold

Ich habe mich erkältet --> I caught a cold

Ich habe die Grippe --> I have the flu

Ich habe Durchfall --> I have diarrhea

Ich habe Verstopfung --> I’m constipated

Die Ärztin gibt dem Patienten ein Rezept --> The doctor gives the patient a prescription

Es gibt einen Notfall --> There is an emergency

"Haben Sie etwas gegen...?" --> Do you have something for...?

Der Arzt macht ihm einen Gipsverband. --> The doctor makes him a cast

Two-Way Prepositions:

in --> in, into

auf --> on, onto (horizontal)

an --> on, onto, up against (vertical)

neben --> next to, beside

hinter --> behind

über --> over, above

zwischen --> between

unter --> under, below

vor --> in front of, before

If they show the location of something, they're followed by the dative.

If they're showing the motion of something, from one place to another, they are followed by the accusative.  

[bubblesandgutz]

Every Record I Own - Day 287: Daughters Hell Songs

Very few “heavy” bands truly live up to the misanthropy they project through their music. But Daughters were different. Over the course of a U.S. tour together, I got to know the guys in the band pretty well, and they were a rare instance where their personalities were as fucked up as their music. Don’t get me wrong---they were all great people. But there was something inherently damaged in their chemistry. They were barely functional as a unit, but that made their music seem all the more dangerous.

A year or two after that tour, Continuum Books announced open submissions for their 33 1/3 book series, wherein authors analyze classic albums and assess their cultural impact. I knew I didn’t stand a chance, but I pitched a book on Hell Songs. My thesis was pretty basic: heavy music is typically just theater, but Daughters was real life drama, and that made their music that much more intense. As per their submission guidelines, I wrote an opening chapter. The pitch was rejected, but I wound up posting the chapter online, where it caught the attention of Robotic Empire, the label that put out Daughters’ debut LP. They offered to print the book. And so for the next year-and-a-half I dedicated all my spare time to questioning the individual band members, chasing down old tour mates, stitching together the chronology of their history, reading old interviews, and writing the damn thing. I submitted a first draft to the band and waited two weeks to hear back from them.

They eventually asked to cancel the project. There were disagreements within their camp as to how shit actually went down. And, understandably, there were a lot of grimy details that they weren’t too excited to share publicly. It was disappointing, but understandable. I figured a certain amount of rejection is inevitable as a writer, and this one at least had a valid excuse, so there wasn’t much of a sting.

Anyhow, I’ve posted the first chapter after the jump. The writing seems a little corny now, so maybe I ultimately dodged a bullet.

“Yeah, I’ve been called a sinner...”

And so begins Daughter’s 2006 sophomore album Hell Songs--with a declaration of degradation. Vocalist Alexis S.F. Marshall, or Lex for short, wears the insult proudly, announcing it with the kind of defiant pride of Hester Prynne and her scarlet letter. And then a cascade of noise descends upon the final syllable. The song, “Daughters Spelled Wrong”, is one minute and 42 seconds of Lex’s self-flagellations delivered in a slurred Southern Baptist preacher’s drawl. In that short parcel of time, Lex lists off every slanderous label he’s endured.

“…wrong-doer, evil-doer…”

As the front man for Daughters, Lex was the human element to the band. And while his performance on Hell Songsis unnerving enough in its own right, his tirades became exponentially more menacing live. With his stringy waist-long hair, his tall and gangly frame, his wiry handle-bar mustache, his hopelessly tattered black pants (apparently his only pair), and his ill-fitting stained white dress shirt, he gave off an aura of someone who didn’t give a fuck about the pageantry of rock music. He wasn’t even fashionably unfashionable. Grooming, hygiene, and composure were neglected. He looked disheveled, poverty-stricken, strung out. Most Daughters sets found Lex in less attire, usually just a pair of briefs. Far from the display of muscle and machismo seen in chiseled frontmen like Henry Rollins, Anthony Kiedis, and Chris Cornell, there was nothing erotic about near-nude Lex. Sexual? Certainly, but only in the most degrading, animalistic sense of the word. Lex’s stage presence only served to make the audience as uncomfortable as possible. He would claw red lines into his belly, cram his entire fist into his mouth, fellate the microphone, and drool on himself while fondling his genitals. In moments where audience members chose to interact with him on stage, the results were equally filthy. People vied for his spit. Women pulled at his briefs. Fans fondled and licked his exposed cock. A confessed “sex addict”, Lex would swap spit with both men and women mid-set and fuck fans in venue bathrooms. His tally of sexual conquests was startling, given his disturbing stage behavior and lack of sociability. Claiming a bad acid trip as the root of his social anxiety, Lex was nearly bipolar in his daily interactions. He was relatively friendly and talkative one moment, withdrawn and angry the next. A ninth-grade drop out and former homeless teenager, his bleak world-view was legitimate.

“…worker of iniquities…”

There’s no verse. No chorus. No rhyming scheme. No melody. It’s just one musical phrase repeating for the entire duration of the song. The instrumental accompaniment sounds like a broken machine filtered through the ears of someone simultaneously shuddering through a panic attack and immersed in vertigo. The sound underneath Lex’s litany is a study in all things wrong and counter-intuitive. The band—comprised of entirely capable and talented players—sounds like they’re deliberately unlearning their instruments. Cymbals crash without a kick drum to punctuate them. The bass guitar dives and climbs with little regard for actual notes. One guitar avoids the lower octaves completely and opts instead for atonal high-end screeching and skronky discord. The other guitar remains stuck on one warbled, seasick riff through the whole song, sounding off-balance and broken even when the whole band locks in around it. It’s confounding, ugly music.

“…transgressor, bad example, scoundrel, villain, knave…”

The annals of rock music have no shortage of bands showcasing the darker side of human nature. Ever since Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil, ever since Jerry Lee Lewis set his piano on fire, ever since Iggy Pop rolled in broken glass, there has existed a certain sector of the rock community dedicated to exorcising its demons on stage. It’s the reason that concerned parents and church groups still argue that rock music is evil. This flagrant display of bad behavior, self-destruction, and reckless abandon is at the very root of rock music. And perpetuating rock’s legacy of danger requires raising the bar of rebellion. As rock music nears the age of retirement, its old tricks no longer impress young audiences. Chuck Berry and Little Richard carry none of the threat they did in their heyday. KISS terrified puritanical parents with the widespread rumors of their name serving as an acronym for Kids In Satan’s Service, but now they seem downright Christian in comparison to the blasphemous content of black metal bands like Gorgoroth. So prevalent is the anti-social contingent of music in today’s market that it’s hardly noteworthy for a band to parade its malice for an audience. The harder edged realms of rock music—metal and punk, for example—depend on that kind of antagonism. Daughters looked for one of those last few buttons to push, one of those last few taboos to break, one the last few ways to make people cringe. Perry Farrell noted well over two decades ago “nothing’s shocking.” Daughters challenged that statement.

“…miscreant, viper, wretch, the devil incarnate…”

It takes a certain brand of individuals to make nihilism translate into music, and it requires their contempt to be believable. Words like “genuine”, “sincerity”, and “honesty” get thrown around by critics and fans as signifiers of good music. How do those qualities apply to antagonistic musicians? Do the artists have to be genuinely miserable people to make convincingly ugly music? The artists who are typically the most successful at channeling this kind of dark art manage to convey that wrath and misery in both content and form. It’s not just a matter of singing about the pasty underbelly of the human psyche or throwing a few skulls on an album cover; it’s about the thoroughness of pessimism. It’s about creating a genuine sense of danger. And it requires a misanthropic honesty that carries itself both on and off-stage. It used to be that the entirety of the public’s perception of an artist stemmed from image they set forth on stage and on record. In the age of the internet, this is no longer the case. Even more so for a band of Daughter’s stature—a band that rarely had a backstage to slink off to, a band that still had to unload their own gear off stage, a band that still had to run back to the merch booth after their set to sling t-shirts for gas money, a band with no place to hide and sustain a fabricated mystique.

“…monster, demon, fallen angel, murderer, and thief…”

The Catch-22 is that being in a successful band—a band that can write music together, play shows, tour, record, maybe even make a little money—requires unity, solidarity, positivity, compromise, and sociability. In other words, a band that’s genuinely driven by angst and hostility is doomed for failure. Proof of the unsustainable nature of these kinds of acts is most evident in the dearth of popular nihilistic bands. Even the somewhat well-known misery peddlers tend to be tragically stunted. Notorious shock rock icon GG Allin made a career out of anti-social behavior and bilious lyrical themes. He was known to take the stage naked, ready to fight the audience and fling his feces at the crowd. He wrote songs with titles like “Last In Line For The Gang Bang” and “Fuckin’ The Dog”. He famously promised to kill himself on stage, which would have been the ultimate display of the self-destructive nature of negative music, but a heroin overdose beat him to it. Glen Benton, the vocalist and bassist for seminal death metal band Deicide similarly promised to off himself at the age of 33 as a mockery of Jesus Christ’s year of death. Benton failed to live up to his word. And while he will always be remembered for the controversy he created in his early career by branding an inverted cross into his forehead and advocating animal sacrifice, he tempered out in his later years when he became a family man with a wife and kids. Not surprisingly, the quality of Deicide’s albums declined, as did their album sales. Allin went too close to the edge and fell into the abyss. Benton mellowed out. Neither managed to sustain the malice of their classic records over a protracted career. Daughter’s brand of ugliness had none of Allin’s overt misogyny and violence, none of Deicide’s Christian-baiting Satanism. Instead, they specialized in a kind of implied depravity. Lex wouldn’t attack the venue patrons, but he’d do everything else in his power to make the audience take a squeamish step back. Even though their album title references Hell, there was no trumpeting of a contrarian religion in their lyrics, no acknowledgement of moral consequence. Instead, Lex sang about emotional voids. It somehow made Lex scarier than GG or Glen. He seemed smarter. Colder. Less confrontational, but also less vested in cheap stunts and outlandish behavior for the sake of winning over anyone’s approval. He wasn’t interested in violence. He was interested in degrading himself on stage, forcing the audience into an unnerving kind of voyeurism.

“…lost sheep, black sheep, black guard, loafer, and sneak…”

Even the millionaire “bad boys of rock”—artists like Alice Cooper, Guns N’ Roses, and Motley Crue—aren’t exempt from the imbalance of nihilism and authenticity. For one thing, these cultural giants never tread so far into the blackness that you feared them as people. Their worst crimes were their hedonistic appetites. They still came across as people that would be fun to party with. Marilyn Manson managed to up the ante of anti-social behavior in the ‘90s, but the controversy was calculated. Manson always knew how to articulate his more vitriolic statements in a calm, well-spoken, intellectual manner. It was obviously theater. Daughters didn’t come across as the life of the party. They didn’t come across as having any sort of deeper, thoughtful meaning to their art. They came across as genuinely bitter, crass, resentful individuals.

“…good-for-nothing ass-fucking son of a bitch.”

Daughters were a band that tried to find that balance between thorough, real ugliness and some kind of self-sustaining functionality. They wanted to be successful; they wanted to tour the world and make money. But they also wanted to make something truly hideous and uncomfortable. Their debut album, Canada Songs, was an 11-minute surge of hyper-paced noise-driven hardcore. Occupying the kind of punk/metal hybrid territory instigated by bands like The Locust and Dillinger Escape Plan, Daughters found an immediate audience among fans of frenzied, technical music. It was well-received, but not entirely unconventional for that particular style. But Hell Songs was different. The band ditched their lightning-speed tempos, metal-steeped instrumentation, and shrieking, indecipherable vocals for disjointed mid-tempo lurches and Lex’s drunken oratory. They weeded their old material out of their performances. The fans felt betrayed. They had gone from sounding like the arty descendents of the powerviolence and grindcore scenes into a tightly wound meth-fed version of The Birthday Party. There was a much stronger adversarial vibe to their new approach. Their sound was less tethered to any particular scene. It alienated a fan base that was already built on embracing disenfranchisement and being at odds with everything.

But deservedly, the record found an audience, albeit a small one. For as caustic and abrasive of an album as it is, there’s a surprising catchiness to the material. The low end groans; the high end piercingly buzzes like a swarm of insects; the drums flit from spasms of hyperkinetic pulverizations to deconstructed thuds and clatter; and Lex moans and howls over all of it. Yet somehow, Hell Songs is rife with hooks. There was a discipline to what they did. It could’ve easily devolved into white noise, but there was always a clarity and separation to the instruments. They were a tight band. And for the three years that followed the release of Hell Songs before the group imploded, Daughters came about as close as any band can get to being a total train wreck without rattling apart at the seams. There was fighting, a rotating cast of guitar players, drugs, infidelities, van accidents, hospital trips, lost money, rivalries with tourmates, promoters pulling guns on the band, and an never-ending list of lewd stage behavior. They were a fascinating, glorious mess, and they perfectly captured it over the course of ten songs.

“I’ve been called a sinner.”

[metalandmagi]

January Media Madness

It’s a new year, and yes I’m still keeping track of the stuff I watch and/or read. I really just like being able to keep track of everything that came out during the year, and I like to shout my thoughts into the void. And maybe someone will find something they like.

Movies!

The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals: Okay, not a movie, but it’s the latest musical from Starkid so I had to include it somewhere. And this time it’s a horror alien/zombie take over that causes everyone to act like they’re in a musical, and humanity’s only hope is an average guy who happens to not like musicals. That may not sound bad, BUT THINK OF THE IMPLICATIONS! The plot could sort of meander at times, but it’s hilarious and also pretty dark for Starkid. If nothing else, watch it because Lauren Lopez is a goddess. 9/10

Monty Python and the Holy Grail: Everyone’s favorite silly King Arthur searching for the holy grail story. I hadn’t watched this movie since I was a kid, and there was so much stuff I forgot about! And yeah it’s still pretty great. I do feel like it drags in the middle a little, but I still always enjoy the tomfoolery! 9/10

Three Identical Strangers: A documentary about a set of identical triplets who were separated at birth and the sinister intentions of the adoption agency who separated them. On top of being an interesting story, it is super thought provoking bringing up questions of scientific morality, nature vs nurture, and mental health...which does make it a little depressing. I love the way it sets up the mystery of the story, but it also makes you feel terrible for trying to plot out and guess the story of these actual human beings’ lives. So I’d recommend it to anyone who is interested in crazy stories and scientific corruption! 9/10

Venom: A classic tale of a boy and his symbiote. In which the weirdest investigative reporter in the world is possessed by an alien parasite while trying to stop a corrupt corporation from constantly murdering people. Guys, I originally never planned to see this movie. I never cared about Venom. I was never big into the Spiderman universe, but then this movie came out and everyone was saying how weird it was...and how Eddie and Venom are like a thing...so curiosity got the better of me. And I’m kind of underwhelmed. I think I would have liked it more if I never had any expectations going into it, because it really wasn’t as weird as I thought it would be. The first 30 minutes were a slog, the dialogue was clunky, the plot was very predictable and basic, and I feel like Eddie and Venom didn’t have enough interaction. But it had its moments, I get why some people love it, and I did like what I saw of the symbiote relationship, so all in all it was just..okay. Oh well. 6.5/10

Mama Mia Here We Go Again: The just as ridiculous sequel to Mama Mia, featuring more dumb plots that don’t fit together, more dumb writing, and more over the top performances. Just like the first one, it’s a silly excuse to put some ABBA songs in a movie and make you have fun, and it accomplishes that in spades. Because if you’re watching a Mama Mia movie for the “plot” or anything other than the musical numbers and silliness, you’re making a huge mistake. It is a little clunkier trying to weave two timelines together, but who cares because they’re singing Dancing Queen! As an actual movie, we all know it’s barely passable as a 6/10 but just for getting drunk with your friends and having fun it’s a 9/10

Books!

The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis: The fifth/third book in the Chronicles of Narnia in which a boy and a talking horse run away from the land of Calormen to get to Narnia...and find out about a plot to take over Narnia along the way. I know some people think this is the most interesting book in the series plot wise, and technically there is more plot...but it’s boring as hell. I really think Lewis’s normal interjections would have made it more entertaining, but he doesn’t use his author’s voice at all! Not only is it written in an incredibly circular and drawn out way (some people literally tell stories like they’re writing the bible), but it’s also SUPER RACIST and kind of sexist too. I was so excited because when the book first started I thought we were getting a canonical protagonist of color...and then he turns out to be a kidnapped white boy surrounded by “savages.” Yes we have Aravis...but I really don’t know how to feel about her. Also Bree the horse is really just an asshole, so it’s hard to like any of the characters. I did appreciate having adult Edmund and Susan around though, so it’s not a total waste. The truth is, this is the book that I could barely get through as a kid and would constantly fall asleep reading so I barely remembered anything besides the fact that I didn’t like it. 3/10

Skyward by Brandon Sanderson: In a distant future, humans are trapped on a wasteland planet where their only hope for survival are teenagers flying spaceships while fighting a mysterious alien race. Aka: local girl is constantly dumped on by society and makes friends with a talking spaceship. Okay this book definitely has its problems, but I mostly don’t care because 1. The world building is great. 2. Spensa is a fun main character. 3. All the side characters have distinguishable personalities and interactions *cough* m-bot *cough*. And 4. The plot could be predictable at times but I really liked following the mystery of it all...even if there’s some weird chosen one type of bullshit going on towards the end. It has a major season one Attack on Titan vibe with all the questions about humanity’s history and mankind uniting to fight a mysterious enemy. This is a super fun read that kept me theorizing and was also incredibly motivational. Did I like all of Sanderson’s decisions when it came to which characters died? Hell no. Do I think the government would have a lot more backlash considering its dumbass way of fighting wars? Yes. But I’d still recommend it, and I’m still looking forward to the next book! 8/10

TV Shows!

Aggretsuko: The most adorable musical comedy anime of 2018, where Retsuko, a 25 year old office worker is getting fed up with her job and copes with life by singing aggressive death metal songs...and by the way everyone’s a cute animal. I’m a little late to this party, but this show is so precious and also disturbingly accurate to real life. Retsuko is so relatable, Haida’s crush on her is well executed and not forced, there’s great working women solidarity (Gori and Washimi are the fucking queens of anime side characters) and the metal is so well integrated! Please watch this charming show and the Christmas special if you haven’t already! I NEED ANOTHER SEASON NOW! 10/10

A Series of Unfortunate Events (season 3): The final season of the Baudelaires’ tale of misery and woe. And man did they stick the landing. “But it doesn’t leave things vague enough, they didn’t leave the sugar bowl a mystery.” GOOD! I’ve had to deal with Snicket’s badly written ending to the books since 2006. I love that they explained as much as they did. The ending was bittersweet and more concrete while still delivering the message of how the world is morally gray. Also Quigley was amazing, Sunny was amazing, FERNALD WAS AMAZING! KIT WAS AMAZING! EVERYONE WAS AMAZING! And I almost cried seeing the kids in their outfits from the book covers. I wish Jacqueline was in it, but I think her character would have felt redundant with Kit in the mix. This was an amazing adaption all around, and this season did a great job at putting some of the more...difficult books on screen without it feeling out of place. Even if you haven’t read the books, I encourage anyone who likes mysteries and different forms of storytelling to suffer with the rest of us! 10/10

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K (season 1): Local overpowered psychic anime boy just wants to be ignored and blend in with society, but the universe constantly surrounds him with silly situations that cause him to use his powers. I finally got around to watching this show, and it’s hilarious. Kusuo is a great deadpan main character who is definitely ace as hell, and the English dub is actually pretty good! I don’t really want to watch the show in Japanese now because I feel like the dub does a better job at timing the comedic lines and distinguishing everyone’s thoughts. So now I’m upset that the second season hasn’t been dubbed (thanks Netflix). But yeah it’s a great silly show to binge watch. 10/10

Community: The misadventures of a wacky study group going to the world’s worst community college. You know, the one with all the memes? Okay, I know I’m the last one to watch this and  technically I still have a season and a half left at this point, but I thought I’d include it anyway. This show is such a wild ride that I don’t even know what to think about it anymore. The first two seasons were pretty average with a few absolutely brilliant episodes thrown in. And then...the paintball episodes happened, and the show just became amazing. I do have a lot of questions though....like if the main character is a lawyer (sort of), why does he never sue the dean for sexual harassment? Why does Pierce, the resident old, sexist, racist, problematic baby boomer have an “arc” centered around a logical fallacy. No one wants to hang out with him because he’s terrible, but he’s upset because he feels left out and constantly does terrible things to get back at them? I literally almost dropped the show because I couldn’t take him anymore, and then the writers just magically dial him back in his last seasons...which I’m thankful for. And I don’t even know where to being with Chang. BUT this show is a testament to creative writing and innovative meta ways to tell stories. The rest of the study group is made up of hilarious well balanced characters that all have their distinct broken but quirky personalities. And I love them all...except Pierce. So, even though I haven’t finished it, I’d give it an 8.5/10 so far.

Superstore: A sitcom about the daily struggles of workers in a W*lmart-esque superstore. I finally caught up to it, and it’s still fine. It’s not great, but not terrible either. It is incredibly accurate though, coming from someone who works retail. The best parts of the show are the scene transitions because they show all the things customers are doing in the store. And most of the time I just nod and go “yeah I’ve seen that.” This is one of those shows to have on for the sake of just having something on. It has its moments. 7/10

Honorable Mentions

Because these are the reasons why I didn’t really read much this month...or watch many movies.

YOUNG JUSTICE is officially back with the long awaited season 3. And it’s still pretty great, but man I wish I had rewatched the original series.

Netflix released the Taylor Swift Reputation stadium performance. So now you all know how much of a slut for Taylor Swift I am. I can’t help it if her latest album is basically Captive Prince the musical!

The Masked Singer (US version) is dragging me into a spiral of conspiracy theories. Please watch this ridiculous reality show where celebrities wear elaborate costumes and a super annoying judging panel tries to guess who they are. I’m in hell, because this show is set up terribly, but I also don’t want to leave.

Life is Strange 2: episode 2 was finally released. And I’m actually loving it. These games have a special place in my heart for some reason.

New Super Mario Bros U Deluxe came out and I hate myself for buying these stupid games because they consume all my time, and I don’t even really like them.

[pathetic-at-the-disco]

The Tragic Love Life of Ryan Ross: Part 1 (Masterpost)

So... Ryan has had A LOT of girlfriends over the course of his life. There are easily at least six that the public knows of in any amount of detail. And, unfortunately, most of those relationships ended with heartbreak and a number of angsty songs from our boy.

Since it is Valentine’s Day/National Singles Awareness Day, we here at Pathetic! have decided to reflect on the train-wreck that is Ryan Ross’ love life from 2004 to now.

Well, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get a move on to the first relationship that Ryan has ever had. The girl that inspired “Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off” and “I Write Sins, Not Tragedies”.

“But Mods!” you say, pressing your noses to your computer screens in confusion, “We don’t know who this girl is!”

But we do. There are pictures. Two to be exact.

This is a yearbook picture of Ryan and a girl we are going to call S---, mostly out of respect for her privacy. If you notice the black box in the lower corner, that is because we have redacted her name. We ask for anyone who does come across her full name to please leave this girl alone.

Many people already know the basic story of their relationship. The two began dating while Ryan was still in high school, perhaps after they were voted “The Cutest Couple That Never Was”. Ryan was very reliant on her for emotional comfort and support during this time in his life, because of the difficulties he was having at home, as emphasized in this 2006 interview with the magazine Kerrang!:

Ryan and S--- had also clearly known each other for a while, and she seems as if she supported his musical endeavors. (Note her “Pet Salamander” t-shirt!)

Ryan even posted this picture on his Livejournal some time in 2004, although the actual date and post are long gone. As you can see, it is clearly the same girl as in the yearbook picture.

By 2005, their relationship had come to a bitter end, because S--- famously cheated on Ryan. There were even rumors in the earlier days of the band that she had gotten pregnant with another man’s baby, but of course that can’t really be substantiated. Regardless, S--- was unfaithful and it completely broke Ryan’s heart.

He wrote several miserable Livejournal posts about their breakup, including this one (the exact date is unknown, but it was probably posted in 2004 or early 2005):

put me in parenthesis and make me implied so my name can slip from your lips when mentioned. replace the letters change your sheets (but compare me with all the new boys you meet).

i’ve paged books in dusted cries for attention. sweetheart break my spine I’ll spill my insides and hope my blood will stain and soak in more than I did.

laid to waste but im still “your favorite” death

i still hope you’d haunt the passenger seat. if that was the only way i could keep your company. no matter how veiled or murderous your intent. those scarlet lines in your hair will mark every scar that spoils my appearance. keeping this cavalier is possible: possible like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound and not bleeding to

Many of Ryan’s writings about their breakup focus on his extreme feelings of betrayal, and how he could not understand why S--- would cheat on him after building up his confidence about sex and relationships.

Even Lying, the breakup song par excellence, is fundamentally about trying to understand why someone would toss him aside in the middle of such an intense relationship. In that song, Ryan contemplates about how she may be thinking about him while with other guys, and transforms his frustration and misery into bitter arrogance. “You told me I was so good for you,” he basically writes. “Well, just think about what you’re missing out on.”

I’ve got more wit, a better kiss, A hotter touch... a better fuck Than any boy you’ll ever meet. Sweetie, you had me. Girl, I was it, look past the sweat A better love deserving of Exchanging body heat In the passenger seat, Oh no, no, you know it will always just be me.

(Side bar: There’s that passenger seat again, mentioned for the second time since the Livejournal post! They must have driven around a lot in Ryan’s car.)

Ryan had some understandable reservations about making such a personal song public, as you can see from this 2006 interview with Kerrang!:

Apparently, Brendon (who was a relatively new friend at that point) helped Ryan through the emotional turmoil and even got him into the vicious headspace of Lying. These are Brendon’s own reflections on the song:

Our guitar player, Ryan’s girlfriend cheated on him. A lot of this first verse came from conversations I would have with him. We would hang out alone, when he finally told me what had happened during a heart to heart. I asked him: What happened? How does that make you feel? Are you cool? And he was like, “No, you know what? I bet when she is fucking this other dude she is saying my name.” So this song was more about having vitriol for another person instead of compassion. (x)

Other songs inspired by the situation with S--- include “But It’s Better If You Do” (Ryan fantasizing about getting over her in a strip club, which she would have apparently enjoyed), possibly “There’s a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered, Honey, You Just Haven’t Thought of It Yet” (Ryan fantasizing about wrecking a social event that S--- is also at), and very importantly, “I Write Sins, Not Tragedies”.

Don’t take it from me. Take it from Brendon!

Misogyny aside, this interview highlights how S--- directly inspired Panic!’s breakout song. Ryan was presumably considering taking her back, and what would happen at their fictitious wedding in the future.

It also appears that S--- made an effort to get Ryan back in mid-2005, but by then it was too late. He even posted this on Livejournal:

Sun, Jul 3 2005

as soon as i start being kind of okay she realizes im the best fucking thing that ever happened to her. go figure.to late honey.

i am heaven sent, don’t you dare forget. i am all you’ve ever wanted.what all the other boys all promised

(The second paragraph is taken directly from the song “Okay, I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't” by Brand New. So apparently Ryan was drowning himself in angsty emo music. No one is surprised.)

By this point, Ryan had also apparently rebounded with a girl named Paulina.

This relationship does not seem to have lasted long, because Ryan was single by the time A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out was released in late 2005...

Leaving him ready to date Jac Vanek.

CONTINUED IN PART 2

And here are all of the posts in this series!