#MY GORGEOUS SUPERMODEL BF

[hanniedream]

[choking-on-roses]

.

[godsandvillains-if]

So is the MC conventionally attractive or will we be able to chose how attractive we can actually be kinda like Tales of Two Crows? Ik it's a bit shallow but I find it hard to imagine that, for ex, the supermodel would openly show interest and flirt with an (bellow) average joe or jane lol at least bf knowing them a bit better and falling for them.

Thank you!

That's an interesting idea and a very realistic and down-to-earth way of thinking hahah

Even though I would like to imagine that gorgeous people can easily fall in love with the "ugly duckling," that is, someone who is not outwardly attractive but is a very talented and lovable person, I know that's rare—sadly.

I don't think MC's appearance will come into play when the matter is the ROs, but it will be mentioned by the public and the media. For example, if your MC is albino or has heterochromia, the public will have certain comments in regards to that. 

That is not to say that the MC is not attractive; at least in my mind, the MC is quite the hottie and for every RO as well.

Thanks for the question!! 🥰

[bettyshoweduptotheparty]

WHY SUMMER 2013?!

Love the bear!! I cannot remember the name of the show but I remember I used to watch it during school holidays in the mornings when my parents were at work and I had free rein of the house.. ah the memories 🥰🥰

But, yes, sorry, I digress. Here’s why I think Taylor’s cruel summer was actually the summer of 2013 (or even 2012) and not 2014 like most Gaylors think. And it’s by no means research, just a possible timeline in my head.

I think we all mostly agree that the song is about her first summer with Karlie, kind of casual ‘friends with benefits’ before they were properly together. So the question (that I bet we’d all love to know the answer to) is really how long have they been together. And I think it’s longer than the public ‘best friends’ story that started at the VSFS. That show was filmed in November 2013 and it was where they later told the media that they met. But we know that’s not true, Karlie has previously spoken in an interview about being introduced to Taylor at the 2011 Met Gala and actually speaking to her about baking together. We then have her ‘your kitchen or mine’ tweet in early 2012 following Taylor’s vogue cover shoot. So they’d met and spoken by 2012 and I’m supposed to believe that Taylor, the girl who wrote gold rush and gorgeous, would ignore a literal supermodel blatantly flirting with her on twitter?? No way. I think she did respond and that’s when they started casually hanging out. Maybe a few baking dates, the swiftgron stans will come for me if I erase Dianna from the timeline, so, no, I’m not ignoring her, I know that happened in 2012 too. If these two relationships overlapped in some way I know that sounds messy but what would that be if not a cruel summer, right? The shiny boy toy from the first verse could refer to either Harry or that Kennedy dude, notably Taylor didn’t have a bf in the summer of either 2013 or 2014. Or if Dianna and Taylor ended in the spring of 2013, Karlie enters the picture for a summer of ‘friends with benefits’ after a breakup, sneaking into garden gate for a few months before they both catch feelings. Everybody who’s ever read any of Taylor’s lyrics knows she doesn’t conduct romance in public so by the time she was ready to walk the runway with Karlie and upend her life and move to NYC I’m pretty sure they were serious about their relationship. So, my guess is cat and mouse over a summer in 2013 before they properly got together and the ‘not wanting to keep secrets to keep you’ then meant that they launched their public BFF story at the VSFS so they could be seen together every day. Those pap photos that were taken of Taylor coming and going from Karlie’s garden gate in 2014 were definitely intentional, there was no sneaking involved ;) they were definitely together by the time they took that Big Sur trip in March 2014 so any later than that makes no sense to me. I know it’s not perfect with being overseas for some of the summer for the Red tour but it seems plausible to me.

There you go ☺️

[tytrack]

Taeyong looks so fineee in Paris the parasocial is parasocialing my bf is gorgeous yes everyone look at him I'm so proud of my baby

SAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE he looks expensive in a supermodel kind of wayyyyyyyyyyyyy serving cunt chic

[itgirlification]

supermodel | jjk

the last three months have been hell for you, but Jungkook seemed to be living his best life.

pairing: ex-bf!jk x thick!reader

warnings: explicit mentions of body image and insecurities, infidelity, anal sex, oral (male receive), foul language (kinda), etc.

now playing: supermodel by sza

part two part three

Exactly three months ago, your and Jungkook’s 2 years relationship officially ended. Unofficially, it ended about 5 months ago. And for about one month now, Jungkook’s been seeing someone else.

Your heart and mind told you not to do it but you couldn’t help calculating. Three months ago, you were still dating, two months later, he started dating someone else. That must mean he’s known her for a while. Did he cheat on you with her? Well, it’s not like it matters now anyway, does it?

Her name was Yuki, an undeniable Japanese beauty. You were still in college, studying music and she was a famous model who appeared in internationally known magazines. You assumed she met Jungkook during a photoshoot since he was a professional photographer who often worked for companies like Vogue and Playboy. You couldn’t help but compare yourself to her.

It wasn’t the fact that he moved on so quickly that hurt you the most. It was the fact that he knew all about your low self-esteem and how you lack confidence. Especially about your body. And he still went and dated a model, of all professions in the world. He was definitely over you.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he did it on purpose. But thankfully, you knew better, he looked too happy for that to be even considered. He forgot about you.

You’re making yourself sadder by remembering all the times he assured you you were beautiful and your body was nothing to be ashamed of. The times he let his fingertips run over the lines of your stretch marks, whispering in your ear how much he loved them and how they reminded him of Tiger stripes. The times he caressed your jiggly thighs and told you how sexy he thought they were.

Then your mind would drift back to the phone in your hand, the Instagram page of Yuki Sakurai opened, careful not to accidentally like anything and expose yourself. Not that she’d notice anyway, she had 3.7 million followers, while you had a private one with 500 followers and no posts, and she gets around 300 to 700 thousand likes on each post, depending on whether she posts random photos or pretty pictures of herself. Or newly, your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Oh, how crazy everybody goes whenever she posts him. People love them together. You couldn’t blame them. Two attractive people? Of course, they’re gonna look great together.

Fucking great.

That the end of your relationship with Jungkook would look like this was semi-predictable from the beginning. He did admit to you that he never thought he’d date someone that looked like you when you first dated. And your heart broke a little. But he also made up for it in those two years, it was a beautiful relationship nonetheless.

While you weren’t exactly his ‘ideal’ type, he was definitely yours. You always heard from other women ‘when in a relationship, the man always has to love the woman more than she loves him. Otherwise, it won’t work.’ You never really got the saying until your breakup with Jungkook happened. It was the fact that you clearly loved Jungkook more than he loved you that lead to this.

“Oh my goodness!”, your roommate, Jane, dramatically exclaimed. “Will you stop feeling bad for yourself and do something? That’s not what hot girls do, sis.”

Jane was a lovely girl with a not so lovely temper. She always means well and you got along perfectly as soon as you met. Which was around 3 and a half years ago.

She looked over your shoulder to see what you were looking at. You obviously didn’t want her to see you snooping around your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend’s Instagram but it was too late.

“Seriously, yn?”, she took your phone in her hand and threw it on the bed. “Let’s go somewhere, you can’t do this to yourself anymore. I’m not letting you.”

Jane was clearly worried about you at this point. The only thing you did these last few weeks was eating, shower, cry, sleep and miss a whole bunch of classes. This wasn’t good at all.

“Where?”, your question was short.

“To the mall? Or the nail studio? Anything that’ll get you out of this fucking dormitory.”, Jane sighed, pulling the blanket off of you, making you whine a little. “C’mon, go put on some cute outfit and we’ll go.”

You felt bad since she was trying hard to make you feel better. But it didn’t really work.

You nodded, standing up from the bed, nonetheless. You picked out a cute two-piece dress, that brought back blurred memories of the time you went on a date with Jungkook, wearing the same two-piece. Bet Yuki would look cuter in this...

‘Shut your petty ass up, yn. It’s embarrassing, the way you’re stuck on a taken guy who wants nothing to do with you’

You wish you could change the way you think, even if it’s just for an hour or two. You wish you would stop imagining Jungkook judging you when he saw you naked or when you told him that you wished you could cut off some of your fat with a pair of scissors.

You were beyond ashamed of yourself. Why wasn’t it easy for you to just stay by yourself? why were you so desperately in need of Jungkook by your side to the point where you’d lock yourself in your room for a month just because he isn’t there?

You needed Jungkook. You became so attached to him in those two years, because you always saw him as a permanent, a forever. Not just a temporary, not just a distant memory. You already saw him as the father of your children, as the man you’re gonna marry.

You were so blinded by the fact that you had him, that you forgot you could lose him anytime.

“I’m done, let’s go.”, unenthusiastically, you announced to Jane, who was already waiting for you.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here!”, In contrast to your spirit, hers seemed to be all roses and daisies. “Lord knows you need it...”

__________

“Look at this cute ass skirt, girl”, Jane pointed at a chic, wine mini skirt she was holding. “You know, when I saw it back there I wanted to have it, but it’d look so much better on you”

You took a few seconds to admire Jane’s beauty. She was about 3 cm taller than you, had a great posture, and almond, dark brown eyes that suited her dark skin tone perfectly. Her body leaned more towards the slimmer side.

“Shut up! No, it would not”, you let out a small giggle. “It would look gorgeous on you, buy it.”

She smiled a little at your laughs. She was happy to see you at least a little cheerful again. “Yeah, but I think it’d look better on you. I’m entitled to my own opinion, am I not?”

You knew this debate was gonna go back and forth, because of her stubbornness. “Let’s both buy the skirt.”

You ended up doing so, added by a bunch of bags full of clothing. This may’ve turned into your new coping mechanism. Who needed therapy when you can go on a shopping spree?

Two hours were spent in boutiques and clothing stores and Jane decided she was tired, wanting to visit the local spa.

“No, seriously, these Riverdale seasons just keep on getting worse and worse. Netflix needs to step up their game ASAP”, Jane ranted, making you laugh at how serious she takes it. “It’s getting embarrassing. I’m being for real.”

The two of you were sitting in the whirlpool at the spa, relaxing your whole bodies a little.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I don’t watch these new Netflix shows anyways. Been stuck on the vampire diaries for the last 7 years”, you chuckled, knowing you hated trying new things. “Can you pass me one of those magazines?”

Jane nodded, grabbing a random one from the table next to her and handed it to you, without looking at it.

The cover of it caught your eyes immediately. How could it not, when your ex’s new girl looks absolutely dazzling on the front page of it.

‘Supermodel Yuki Sakurai talks summer fashion tips, struggle with self-love and most importantly, her hot, new boyfriend the media is going crazy over’ was the headline of the Harper’s Bazaar Magazine cover.

You felt your stomach getting sick and your breath getting heavier, but you still flipped the pages until you found the one with her interview. You began reading it, skipping the boring parts.

‘Int: so, we see you have a new boyfriend. Tell us, how did you guys meet?

Yuki: Yeah, he’s an amazing guy. We actually met about six or five months ago at one of my photoshoots, since he’s a photographer and we exchanged numbers and stuff, and then we made it official mid last month.’

About six or five months ago? You were with him back then, but her answer was too unclear to find out if he cheated or not.

“Woah, yn, you okay?”

You entirely forgot about the fact that you were with Jane, let alone somewhere other than your bed.

Before you could react, Jane snatched the magazine out of your hand.

“You really can’t escape them, huh?”, She sighs, taking you in her arm. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. In a few months, you’re gonna look back to this and think wow I really was stuck on a guy who’s scared of microwaves and cried like a bitch when Iron Man died.”

You laughed, punching her arm playfully. “You know, I actually love these things about him. Shows his sensitivity and the way he perceives things.”

Jane looked at you as if she didn’t believe you were actually saying that stuff. “Girl, you’re overanalyzing this. Let’s just throw this shit in the trash, okay?”

She put the magazine aside.

“I just don't know what I did wrong.”, You murmured. “I know we weren't the best, but we didn't even fight that much. We could’ve talked it through.”

Jane pursed her lips and cooed. “You know, relationships are complicated sometimes. The reason why he broke up, to begin with, is probably not your fault.”

“Well, what if it is? I mean what if I was too fat or too ugly for him?”, you asked. “If he wanted a skinny girl so bad, I could’ve lost weight for him, I don’t get it.”

Jane looked at you like you lost your mind entirely. “I can’t believe you just said that! Even if that was the reason, which it wasn’t, you shouldn’t make yourself suffer because of it. That’s his loss. You’re beyond gorgeous and you have an amazing body.”

“You’re just saying that.”, tears slowly started coming up in your eyes. “But the thing is Jungkook knows all about my insecurities. Why would he do that to me? I know he knows that I’m still not over him.”

You usually didn’t like crying in front of other people, but you didn’t really care at the moment, besides that was Jane. You trusted her with your life.

“Girl, men are trash, I can’t believe you’re crying over one right now, seriously.”, she wiped your tears and held your face between her hands. “You know, honestly, I’ve read so many articles about how models actually hate themselves and have like the lowest self-esteem so in conclusion, no matter how miserable you are, his new girl is even more miserable.”

You knew Jane didn’t mean it in a harmful way, but it sounded harsher than needed. “I don’t hate her, she probably doesn’t even know about me. I’m just really insecure. He upgraded from me. He’s dating a whole model now.”

The situation just felt like a deja vu of these last few weeks laying in your bed, even though you were at the spa with your friend. You were supposed to have fun, yet you didn’t feel like having any.

“Why would you feel insecure when all you’ve seen of her are Instagram posts and red carpet pictures? She’s supposed to look beautiful, it’s her job.”

To a certain extent, Jane was right, but that didn’t really help your situation, you still felt bad about yourself. You stayed silent.

“C’mon, this isn’t fun anymore. Let’s leave.”, Jane mumbled.

_______

it’s been two days since the incident at the spa and you felt a little bit better now.

Those days were spent reading the same three book series you’ve read your entire life, overthinking, hot Cheetos, Indian takeout, and Netflix. It really wasn’t as miserable as it sounded.

You were just taking a little rest before term break ends and you have to go back to the shithole college again.

Jane was using the time until college starts again, but in different ways than you were. She was planning on going to some frat party in an hour and forget about the world’ for a minute. Or till 4 in the morning, where she will most likely drunk call you and ask you for a ride back to the dorms, because the friends she went to the party with were shit-faced as well and were in no way capable of driving anywhere without the cops stopping them.

Going out partying on a Friday night was a Jane tradition. In the past, you’d sometimes go with her, but you mostly spent your time out with Jungkook doing something more fun than partying could ever be. Now you can’t do that anymore, but laying in bed is more ideal than a party for you at the moment.

“How do I look?”, Jane twirled around to show off her black cocktail dress. She looked beautiful.

“You look beautiful.”, you responded to her question. “Are you leaving now?”

“Hm”, she said, to which you nodded. “You sure you don’t wanna come with me? It’s gonna be really fun.”

You shook your head no.

“Alright”, she shrugged, making her way out of your bedroom. “But I told you, it’s gonna be fun.”

You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “I’ll stay here, I have shit to do.”

“Yeah, right, like binge-watching the vampire diaries and taking 5-hour naps”, she said in a sarcastic tone. “Anyway, bye-bye, Vic’s already waiting for me in the car.”

Victoria was perhaps one of the most obnoxious people you know, yet she was too much of a nice person for you to talk shit about her. The voice of your intrusive thoughts couldn’t help but to, though.

“Alright, bye, take care and say hi to Vic from me.”

After Jane left, an hour went by like it was just a couple of minutes. You were starting to get real bored and decided to watch some regular tv in hopes to find something you enjoy. You ended up not finding anything fun, but you still watched it, because you didn’t have anything else to do.

A few moments later, the doorbell rang and you were suddenly worried. Either this is a serial killer or Jane forgot something.

But to your surprise, it was neither, but it was none other than

“Jungkook?”, truly, those were the only words you were able to mutter out at your shocked state. “What are you do-“

At the speed of light, you were interrupted by your ex-boyfriend pressing his lips to yours. He didn’t say a word.

You weren’t expecting him. Not knowing how you were supposed to feel at the moment, you just let it happen. You were sure your mental state couldn’t get any worse than that, no matter how this will affect you in the end.

“Is Jane home?”, for the first time in 3 months, you’re hearing his silky voice again.

Jungkook knew Jane always had some type of special hatred for him with her killing stares and her bitter comments. You didn’t notice either though.

He also knew she must hate him even more after your breakup. Or maybe she liked him more now since she was able to get rid of him without killing anyone.

“No”, your answer was short and it made a weight fall from Jungkook’s shoulders before he continued kissing you.

It wasn’t anything you haven’t done before, yet it felt like it’s been ages since it last happened. Your mind drifted to the thought of Jungkook and his model girlfriend. You were asking yourself what their sex life was like, if she was tighter than you or if she had stretch marks and scars.

Jungkook’s lips were moving south, giving your neck wet kisses, while you were wondering why he broke up with his model girlfriend. Or if he even did. You felt selfish for not caring.

Removing your clothes one by one, you were left in your underwear, while Jungkook only had his boxers on.

This body was yours. You knew it inside out. Where he liked to get touched and where he preferred not to. You knew him better than anyone else. You were sure.

You already moved to your bedroom, since Jungkook effortlessly carried you there. You were sat on his lap, facing him and your hands were in his messy hair. His hands were around your waist, he was slightly smiling into the kiss, as you started grinding on him. He loved how easy it was for him to turn you on. You were still his.

Cutting off the kiss, he looked you in the eyes, while his hand was on your cheek. “Say aah.”, he said.

You widened your mouth obediently, which was followed by him collecting as much saliva as he could in his mouth and spitting it into your mouth.

“Swallow.”, demanding, he spit on your face, his eyes become darker with every passing moment. You did as he said.

You looked at him with big eyes. He knew you loved it. You’ve always had a thing for him degrading and humiliating you during sex.

He started grinding on you almost desperately. You knew exactly what he wanted.

Getting out of his grip, you dropped to your knees and freed his hard dick from his drawers. You reached for it and started pumping it, and licking it. Your spit was leaking down his dick as you used it for lubrication. Then you started sucking on it, just the way you used to.

Jungkook’s groans and satisfied sighs were enough to make you even wetter than before. You enjoyed giving more than receiving.

Your mouth was wet and warm around him, giving him a feeling of familiarity. You lick over the tip a few times, then proceed to fully take him into your mouth.

The bulge in your throat could be seen and the way your eyes were tearing up a little wasn’t bothering you at all. You loved giving.

Jungkook started thrusting in and out of your warm, welcoming mouth, his tip hitting the back of your throat multiple times.

“Fuck”, a throaty moan left Jungkook’s mouth, giving you hints that he was about to cum. And he did, releasing in your mouth before you swallowed it. “Shit, baby, that was so good.”

You felt your face heat up and a sheepish smile made its way to your face. Your throat was sore.

The two of you were on the bed again. To you, it felt like it was the times before your breakup again, when you’d purposely start an argument just for the makeup sex because Jungkook wasn’t giving you any anymore. It was like sex was the only thing to look forward to.

You felt attached to Jungkook to a point where it was dangerous. You weren’t okay when he wasn’t around. He affected every part of your life and God knew it wasn’t always a positive thing. Maybe it was the fact that he took your virginity. Maybe because he was your first boyfriend, the first guy that made you believe you were worthy of love and that someone was actually capable of loving you. One thing you knew was Jungkook had an expansive influence on your life.

While you were practically drowning in your own thoughts, Jungkook was busy taking off your underwear.

“You okay?”, Jungkook calmly asked you, looking at your riddled face.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m okay.”, you sounded distracted, Jungkook wasn’t sure about asking you what it is though. He didn’t feel like getting personal.

So he shrugged it off and started kissing you again, his dick was unsurprisingly hard again as he played with your tits. He drew lines over the stretch marks of your thighs and kissed them.

“Can I fuck your ass?”, Jungkook’s raspy, tired-sounding voice casually asked, to which you quickly nodded, knowing that Jungkook’s favorite position had always been anal. He was massaging and gripping your ass firmly.

“This is gonna hurt at first, but I promise it gets better.”, He warned calmly into your ear, while putting some lube on his dick and just went right into your ass, slowly thrusting so you don’t feel as much pain.

He was right, it did hurt a lot when he first put it in, but the pain just changed into pleasure in a matter of time and his slow-paced thrusts helped with the adjustment.

“Fuck, I missed this ass”, he practically growled into your ear, as he kept on thrusting in and out, steadily gripping your wide hips with his big, veiny hands. “It just doesn’t feel right when I’m inside her ass.”

You knew your confidence shouldn’t rely on Jungkook bringing his girlfriend down, but you couldn’t help but feel good about your body when he said that. It’s been a while since you felt even a tiny spark of confidence. You weren’t so fond of him mentioning her while he was inside of you.

Your soft moans rang through the whole room like sirens, while he watched your ass jiggle against his pelvis, thrusting in and out faster every second. He missed this.

You had always thought you were indecisive, but you knew exactly what you wanted. You just couldn’t have that, so you’d eventually have to settle for less.

Jungkook wasn’t to blame for it, you just couldn’t concede your shortcomings. The movie’s villain wasn’t always the real villain.

Your hands traveled to your pussy to make sure you’d orgasm as well, when you heard Jungkook’s breathing getting heavier and his thrusts getting gentler than before, indicating that he was gonna cum soon. You were certain he could make you cum with just anal, but you wanted to cum with him.

With furrowed eyebrows and drops of sweat dripping down his body, Jungkook looked down at your arched back. The whole scene was sticky, especially when Jungkook presses his upper body to your back, whispering sweet nothings into your ear and kissing the spot.

It was kinda odd, having sex with your ex-boyfriend you were crying over just a day ago. There was a certain intensity to it though. Like your long-lasting nostalgia was finally fulfilled.

You’ve realized you couldn’t imagine yourself being intimate with anybody else. Jungkook already knew your body, how it looked without the material protecting it, the strawberry skin, the slightly sagging breasts you swore you’d surgically remove once you had the chance to but didn’t. He knew where you liked being touched, he was the first one to even touch you in those places.

You were unsure what you’d do with yourself when he leaves.

Jungkook’s thrusts slowly started stopping and you too felt the familiar sensation in your stomach.

Suddenly, you two were nothing but desire, fear, and pleasure. And faster than you could process, you came together.

For minutes after your orgasm, you were just laying on the bed, thoughtless. Maybe a little regretful. Not you, but him.

You weren’t facing each other, but you could hear each other’s breathing. Your stomach was filled with something you’d describe as post-sex melancholia.

All of a sudden, Jungkook stood up from the bed, startling your resting self a little, but you decided to keep quiet, wanting to see what he was going to do.

He made his way to the door to leave what he thought was your sleeping body laying there. You couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

“Where are you going?”, your soft voice suddenly rang in his ears. “Don’t you wanna stay?”

He didn’t know how exactly to tell you. You’ve always been a gullible little girl, you were the type of girl to think fucking equals love. Little did you know that wasn’t the case at all.

“Yn.... you know I can’t”, Jungkook responded, you knew it wasn’t gonna be good when he said your name like that. “I got a girl at home and I don’t wanna mess shit up with her.”

There it was. Your suspicion was corroborated. He was still going out with the model and you were a certified home wrecker. Great.

You physically felt your heart breaking. “Bu- but why are you here then?”

You were incapable of being mad at him at the moment. It was your fault for letting him in, again. After breaking your trust and your heart.

“This was a mistake”, he declared, not looking into your eyes. “I’m sorry, yn...”

He’s moved past your room now, already at the exit of your dormitory. He was about to leave.

“You already ruined shit with her when you came here and fucked me.”, your voice was small, but your words were heard.

Without looking back, he left.

And you went back to your room, standing in the middle of it for a minute in silence before your brain fully processed what had happened and your tears started pouring.

[excindrela]

Ho(e)

Pairing: Reader x YoonHo (Ayno- VAV)

Word Count: 2822

Genre: AU/ Angst/ If you cross your eyes and squint hard there’s some humor & sap

Warnings: Cursing, someone gets smacked, mentions of sex

A/N: This is my first fic ever. I’m having serious anxiety about posting it. I welcome feedback (please be kind).

“Yeah so Ho came over on Sunday night”

“Shocker. What’d you guys do? The usual?”

“Yeah. Kind of. We had Daenjang Jjigae and kimchi pancakes for dinner and then we watched The Avengers.”

“Cool.”

“…and then we fucked.”

You probably should have waited to drop this bombshell until Alyssa had swallowed the gulp of Coke she had just taken, because she spit it out all over the table.

“WAIT. WHAT?? I’m sorry, say that again!? Did you seriously just tell me that you fucked your BFF of 5 years, with whom you have the ultimate platonic skinship?”

“Yep. Well, technically, he fucked me, but we’re splitting hairs.”

“We are talking about Yoonho here, right? The tall supermodel looking dancer with the light-up-a-room smile & the damaged psyche?”

“Uh-huh. That’s him.”

“Whoa girl. I want the whole story, and I want details.”

So you told her the story. …and all the details.

Alyssa sat fanning her face. “Ok WOW. I need a cold shower now. Sooo…was he still there in the morning?? I mean the harsh light of day is the make it or break it, ya know??”

“Sort of? By the time I woke up he was out of the shower and dressed because he had to run because he was late.”

Alyssa gave you the look. “Late?”

“Yeah- the dance troupe is now gone for 2 weeks on a mini tour. They were leaving Monday at noon, and as usual, Ho hadn’t packed.”

“So did he say anything?”

“No? He kissed me goodbye & told me he’d call me when he got back.”

“Like *kissed you* kissed you? Or just kissed you?”

“No….like wedding kissed me? You know: it’s a little too long & your lips are a little too soft to be platonic, but it’s not a real kiss either.”

“Mmmmhmmm….I‘m not so sure about this.” Alyssa said raising an eyebrow. “How are you feeling about it??”

Well that was the big question, wasn’t it? Yoonho had been your best friend for 5 years. He’d seen you through through a couple of your hook ups followed by glowing relationships that ended in tragic break-ups, and quite honestly knew you inside and out. You had a secret crush on him that you’d been nursing for 4.5 of those 5 years…and you might have tried to put moves on him earlier, but…it’s just that…well, Ho was a hoe.

A somewhat neglectful childhood, followed by several years as bullied trainee had left Yoonho with waffling self-esteem, somewhat emotionally needy and craving attention and affection at any cost. The fact that he was a) drop dead gorgeous and b) bi-sexual meant that he had a lot of options open to him…and he availed himself of them all. Most were casual hook-ups: one night stands or flings that lasted a couple weeks to a month at the most. His first boyfriend had been a guy who was already in the dance team when Ho joined. He took Ho’s virginity and they dated for a year or so until the guy left to go to dance for Tokyo Disneyland. Then there were a couple girls at the studio he was with for a few months, and a boy at the summer intensive he attended, and then another girl at the dance studio he dated for a few months last year- but those were the closest thing to a “relationship” he had. Really he was just a giant whore, willing to do whatever with whoever to make himself feel loved and needed in that moment.

Watching him live his life this way kind of broke your heart. He had so much to offer- Yoonho was, honestly, a great guy and would be awesome bf material…except for the whole being a giant slut thing. He told you in detail about all his sexcapades, and you made it a point to never be judgmental; instead taking any opportunity to try to raise his self -esteem, and encourage him to see his self-worth and pursue healthy relationships. It pained you to think about how good you could take care of him and how much you would cherish him…but you also knew that a true and solid friendship was precious to him, so he was unlikely to do anything to risk it.

“I feel fine”, you lied to Alyssa, “maybe we’re just moving from ‘skinship’ to ‘Friends With Benefits.’”

Alyssa was so not convinced. “Girl! Don’t lie to me! You have had a thing for him for, like, for-ever! How are you ok with this?”

You sighed. “OK. Ok. I am low key freaking out. But what do I do?? And now he’s gone for 2 weeks. So I guess I just have to overthink it for the next 14 days until he gets back & I see how he is.”

And overthink it you did. Two whole weeks to compulsively check Ho and the dance troops Instagrams…and wonder who he had hooked up with. So much time to replay every single moment – not just of that night, no- all of the last 5 years, and analyze every single action and word. You rushed to check every missed text and call in case it was him. It wasn’t. Most were Alyssa wanting to know if you had heard from him, or Music Plaza telling you they were having a sale.

It also gave you time to berate yourself and feel the gravity of the situation; and if you were totally honest with yourself: you loved being in Ho’s arms – even when it was just cuddling on the couch watching movies. Now you had finally been in them the way you always wanted, and the whole night had been as amazing as you always imagined it would be…but you had done the one thing you swore you’d never do: become one of the random animals on Ho’s fucked up carousel of fun. Not to mention that in doing so you had risked – if not completely ruined- your friendship with the person you treasured most.

***

At last, the fortnight of uncertainty came to an end when you finally saw a pic on the dance troupe’s Instagram posed in front of the studio thanking their fans for their support on the tour. They were back. You immediately felt nervous and had that slightly naustious feeling. When would he call? Would he just text? Was he going to act like nothing happened, or be fully freaked out??

Considering they had just arrived home, you weren’t surprised when you didn’t hear anything from him that day.  But you didn’t hear from him the next day either.

Or the next.

Or the next.

Or the one after that.

Or the one after that.

Not even the next day.

On the seventh day, you gave up. It was devastating. Tears poured down your cheeks as your heart broke, and you realized that the friendship had clearly meant more to you than him. BFF’s for more than a thousand days, and he had ghosted you without a word.

****

The sound of your phone whistling a text alert at 10:30 the following Wednesday night startled you. Surprise turned to shock when you saw the message was from Yoonho.

YH: Are you awake?

Y: Yes. What do you want?

YH: Can we talk?

Y: I guess.

YH: Not like this. Can I come over?

Y: …

YH: Please.

YH: Please.

Y: Fine. When?

YH: I’m downstairs

Y: Uh,ok.

You weren’t prepared. There was that nervous sick-to-your-stomach feeling again. You silently cursed yourself for not following through when you had decided you should block his number. You took 3 deep breaths and steeled yourself: you were not going to let him know he had wrecked you. Cool and dispassionate was the plan. You’d let him say whatever it was he wanted to say, and then you’d kick him out so you and your broken heart could cry and eat refrigerator cookie dough in peace.

Three very short minutes later, there was a soft knock on the door. You hesitantly opened it to find your (now ex) BFF standing there. His skin was gray, his nose was red, he either desperately needed a new razor blade - or hadn’t bothered to shave for a couple days, his lower lip was chapped and scabbed and the dark circles under his eyes suggested he hadn’t had very much sleep. He was wearing a pair of old ratty track pants and a baggy hoodie…he looked like shit. You were a tad offended.

“Hi.” He rasped.

“Hi. What do you want Ho?”

He looked at the floor. “I know you’re mad at me, but please let me explain.”

You arched an eyebrow and looked at him expectantly.

“I started getting a cold half way through the tour and by the time we got back I was running a 102 fever and my throat felt like it was on fire. I’ve been down with tonsillitis for the last week. I was contagious and I had no voice. I wanted to see you, but I didn’t want to get you sick.”

You glared at him. “You couldn’t text?!?”

He looked sheepish. “I slept for the first 2 days after we got back. …and then I really wanted to talk to you in person, but I couldn’t talk so I figured I’d just wait…and then I kept being sick…and then it had been 5 days…and…” He shook his head “Yeah. I’m stupid. I’m so sorry.”

You slapped him clean across his beautiful face. The crack of your palm colliding with his cheek hanging in the air as you completely lost it on him. “YES! YOU ARE! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!” you screamed. “You were my best friend! I know you don’t respect yourself, but I thought you at least respected me. You took advantage of me and then left me hanging. I’m not one of those desperate horny bitches or fuck bois you love defiling yourself with so much. Why?! Why would you treat me this way? Seriously…why would you use me when you probably have 5 ready and willing holes you can go shove your dick in that won’t give a crap when they never hear from you again?”

“I don’t do that anymore.” He said, so softly you almost didn’t hear him.

“What?”

“I said, I don’t do that anymore. You’re the only person I’ve been with in the last 6 months.”

“I’m the only person you’ve slept with…” you clarified.

“No. You’re the only person I’ve done anything with. I haven’t even kissed anyone else.”

You must have looked confused. He walked over and sank down onto the couch patting the spot opposite him. Ho sighed and took a deep breath before continuing.

“You remember HeeJun’s Chuseok party last year?”

“The one where you got raging drunk and threw up on my date?”

He smiled devilishly. “That’s the one.”

You remembered. Ho got totally smashed, barfed on your date, and then fell down the stairs. Your date went home and never called again, and you spent the rest of the night at the hospital with Ho while he cried and got stitches.  You would have been pissed beyond reason had he not been so pathetic.

“I didn’t know you were bringing a date. …and then when I saw you there with that guy…he kept putting his arm around you, and you would smile at him…and you were paying no attention to me…and I was mad. So I started drinking. I skipped the soju and went straight to Tanqueray. But I was still mad. …and then I barfed and I fell…and then I hurt, but I wasn’t mad anymore because he was gone and you were with me and giving me all your attention.”

He laughed slightly, which started a small coughing fit. You got him a glass of water, which he gratefully gulped and sat running his fingers along the rim of as he continued.

“It was the next afternoon, when I was sitting there with ice on my head, eating the haejangguk that you had left for me when I got it. I wasn’t mad. I was jealous. I was jealous that you were with some guy that wasn’t me. I finally acknowledged that I had been lying to myself about my feelings for you. That’s when I really saw myself clearly for the first time…and it wasn’t pretty. You were the most important thing in my life…and I was damaged goods and knew I had nothing to offer you.”

He set the glass on the table, took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and taking your hands in his looked you right in the eye.

“I took your advice…I am in counseling. I go twice a week. I’m working on building my self-esteem, learning to respect myself, finding healthier ways to fill my emotional needs, and generally trying to fix my issues that caused me to behave like this in the first place.” You stared at him in shock, unsure of what to say.

He let go of your hands, and pulled his wallet from his pocket. Reaching inside, he pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to you. “Even though I always wore a condom, I got tested. I’m clean. I have somehow managed to not catch something permanent or that will kill me.” You looked down at the lab report in your hands feeling the tiny knot of worry you had always had for your friend undo itself. He smiled ruefully, “I guess you might have appreciated having this information a few weeks ago. Sorry.”

He reached back into his wallet and retrieved another piece of paper. “I..uh…I went back to school. I know you were disappointed that I cancelled our Wednesday night ramen mukbangs, but I have a class that doesn’t end until 8.” You examined the paper, noting that he had 4 classes, one of which did indeed end at 8 on Wednesdays. “I got a DJ gig on Friday nights at Geumhyuk’s club… it pays enough to cover tuition for 4 classes. It will take me a couple years to finish…but I think I want to be a physical therapist”, he finished with a hopeful half smile.

It was Wednesday. “You had class tonight?”

He nodded. “I walked here after.” You stared at him incredulously. Your apartment was more than 3km from the university.

He shrugged, “I needed to see you. I knew we needed to talk. I’ve been sitting downstairs for the last 2 hours…trying to figure out what to say…this isn’t how I planned to do this.”

He slid off the couch and kneeling down took both your hands in his left, and his right cupped your cheek until you looked into his eyes. “You are, without a doubt, the best thing that has ever happened to me. I didn’t mean for all this to happen now…I wanted to wait- to make progress- confess first…but it doesn’t matter now…and I definitely didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so so sorry.”

Looking at his face, you could see he was biting back tears. “I still have nothing to offer you...yet. I can’t erase my past, but I’m trying to be better. If you would have me, I would be yours. All yours. …and I promise I will never stop trying to be the kind of man you will be proud of.”

You stared at the tears that had slipped from the corners of his eyes and now cascaded down his face. You flicked his bangs out of his eyes, and wiped his tears with your palm. You shook your head at him. “You were always enough Yoonho”, you said as your own tears fell.

With that, he pulled you into his arms and kissed you with a passion that made you forget all of the angst of the last month. He pulled away, and from between heavy breaths his confession came. “I love you.” You threw your arms around his neck and whispered yours in his ear, “I love you too.”

**Epilogue**

6 Months Later

Yoonho’s body leaned over yours, right hand by your left shoulder for balance as he grasped your right foot and bent your knee to your chest and then rotated the bent appendage outward so your knee was to the side and your foot was near your crotch.

“Mmmm…that feels so good.” You purred. “How many more semesters of Stretching and Mobility do I get?”

He gave a small chuckle, “Two. But you get 4 more of Massage Therapy Techniques.”

“I love helping you do your homework. I knew there were benefits to you moving in.”

He laughed again. “I’d like to think there are others.”

“Such as??” you challenged.

He bent forward and whispered in your ear…and then gave you that heart stopping smile.

You grinned wickedly back. “Ooooo, that does sound beneficial!”

“Allow me to demonstrate…” he growled before carrying you off to do exactly that.

[educatier]

i'm a girl and i'm like 178cm tall in an asian country where most guys don't even reach 175cm and life is just :( hard :( because i just want to be loved and find a taller partner but like :( i'm taller than 95% of the people and it makes me angry at myself sometimes bc i'm so tall like i didn't ask to be born tall i want to be small and cute but i can't. and people always say 'youre so tall thats so good' but i hate it.

honestly my best friend is tall and she is so pretty !! legs like supermodels !! fucking gorgeous !! i always envy her tall legs, it makes it look like shes gliding. and shes fucking stunning cuz she towers above the rest and o boy i wish i have her height so bad !! who cares about being small and cute when u can look like a fucking supermodel with her adorable short bf that she has to lean down to kiss because she is a badass

Hello! It’s Sleepover Monday WEEK! Talk to me about anything and everything I am here to listen + adore u

[mokonahapuuuuuu]

I talked a good game of acceptance for myself when it comes to my autism, especially in 2014, and I'm grateful for the realizations I made.

At this moment, I don't know... I'm estraged from relatives, even my own mother; depressed; and most of you may know suicidal.

I don't know, maybe if I was like... supermodel Kardashian drop dead gorgeous, maybe my jerks of relatives would love me. The standards they set is impossible.

At this point, loving my autism is hard, when the people related to me think I'm a complete loser freak for being born this way.

Even my own mother.

I talked a lot about this for years.

I HATE the phrase 'come on strong'.

It's like my freak word. "Four eyes". I heard it from so many people during high school. Classmates, teachers, the counciler, haters...

It was humiliating when I realized that socializing was hard for me back then, both with pals and dating (I still struggle to forgive myself in dating).

I mentioned that "come on strong" was like hearing "he doesn't like you cus your fat".

I made another realization.

"Come on strong" to me means "you're too stupid/retarded for friends and a bf".

[theredparts]

The Girl

Your 20 year old body is nothing new. The ink on your body isnt a good thing. It will make you look old and defeated after a decade. Your lingerie, soft core porn pics and videos, and your live sex videos will never afford you any sustainability in this life. It will erode at your soul and take away something in your soul that you will never be able to get back. You will understand this when your adolescence ends sometime in your late 20’s. You are young in an unprescetented era of technology and social media that is eroding in effect. Take an actual womens studies class before you go on your psuedo feminist rants re being a sex worker. Its misguided at best. On your manic freedom in sex for pay you fail to realize its not at all cool to be a sex worker. Again..you will understand all this when u are a little older. You should be in school, with the various odd and inconveinient jobs the majority of all college graduates have had to endure. Living in a way that is true to oneself without exploiting your innocence and sexuality. You take your nude photos in the midst of a messy and disheveled room complete with hello kitty items. Your daily grind involving and creating animation is perhaps a saving grace. So is all your twittering, blogging, and posting. You can write dear girl. And like every good hero this sort of gift will be a blessing and a certain curse. If you can feel? Then feel for yourself. All that deep and sleepy depression will get stronger. You know it will. You are not a supermodel my dear. Your body is gorgeous and face beautiful in the way that Adele is beautiful. Your beauty’s strength is when u are dressed with flawless hair and make-up. We wouldnt want to see Adeles curves exposed to nudity and afternoon light. Its not a good look for you either. It accentuates your flaws. and what is done in grandiosity and feeling cool and hipster emo goth girl almost always crashes in defeat, and in deflation. It will make you less desirable as a romantic partner. It might even make you less employable someday if employers have that information. And please do not begin affairs with older men if they have wives or gf’s. You will almost always loose everytime. Again, you are too young to understand that men have eyes and they have hearts. You occupy the visual and all that is young girl youth but it wont be love. It could feel like love perhaps maybe but it will be nothing more than dopamine brain. You will fail to understand that in your youth you are boring. You havent traveled, read, studied, or found what matters and what is authentic in you yet. You havent begun to individuate. You are quiet and moody and lack your own wheels. Like a teenage girl, u catch rides. You dont drive behind the wheel of your own vehicle. It infantilizes you my dear. Also know that some middle aged women will be more beautiful than you. Their bodies and skin and style and elegance will trump your doll child girl pink yet goth schtick. A beautiful middle aged woman knows the importance of subtlety. The importance of gorgeous underwear and bras so stunning they look like money. Middle aged women will have already taken classes, learned things like kissing and professional oral sex classes. Not only in technique they are more passionate and just better in bed all around. Even if u are a porn star someday, you will never beat this older, beautiful creature. Also, sanity is the ultimate hallmark of sexy. So is mystery, substance, resourses, and self sufficiency. Understand while a gf is away getting an MFA her bf will be left lonely. Someone like you will be picked to substitute. You are safe and harmless and afterwards the bf will end up loving his gf and lifepartner more than ever. You are a substitute teacher in love. This is and will never be your life or classroom. So stop behaving like a moody, sophmoric homewrecker. of course he will tell you what you want to hear! of course he will- Ill even help to make his lies more palatable. Im involved and away in a masters program.

[trannakinskywalker]

shit talk

i feel really bad i think its seasonal depression or somethin but just lately ive felt ugly, fat and worthless and i love when im hungry so ive been eatingless and i feel too miserable to shower or do my makeup anymore and i  hate my hair and i feel bad because im not putting enough effort into learning korean for my boyfriend and his roommates are basically girls who look like supermodels with perfect hair and makeup and super skinny and gorgeous and they talk in korean with each other  and i just feel like the ugly fat foreigner in the room standing awkwardly and i cant tell him or i just half ass telling him how i feel cuz like maybe he’ll just get tired of my shit and leave me for someone who isnt ugly adn stupid and i cant decide what i want to be im not smart enough to have an actually good job that will mak me monye i dont even know if i can be a teacher honestly i might juts drop out im so stressed i feel completely inadequate in everything anf when i told my bf i compre myself to everyone else and i feel so ugly all the time he was so sweet and comforting me and saying nobody thinks that, only i tell myself thst and i know itstrue i ts like al in my head i just dk how to stop feeling this way?? lol