#My mind is a mess

[oliviasgreenmug]

God at Tribeca 😳🤯🫠

[maddiesentmehere118]

"All I Want for Christmas, is You"

Part two of All Isn't Calm, or Bright. There is some light angst with a happy ending because I'm a hopeless romantic. I think this little two-parter might be the start of multiple one-shots, or will take requests or provide prompts!

Rafael Barba x Reader

Word Count: 1,477

Warnings: mention of possible overdose, but not in the way you think

Masterlist

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Sitting up, you push the hair out of your face, wincing slightly at the soreness that plagues your muscles. Looking around, you see your apartment empty yet pills and a bottle of water are on your bedside table.

Oh yeah, he was here. Keyword -was. 

After taking the two pills and chugging the rest of the water to soothe your dry mouth, you find the courage to push yourself up out of bed and pad to the bathroom. First, you notice that the dress you know you tossed by the garbage isn’t there. 

Sitting on the toilet for the best piss in your life, you get lost in your thoughts whilst recalling the events of last night that spurred on the alcoholic binge to numb the pain of heartbreak. 

You want to scream at him for how he has made you feel in these past few months. To yell at him about how unfair it is for him to call you querida at night and murmur sweet things to you anytime he can, whether it be secret whispers in passing or cuddled on the couch. Things that should never be exchanged between two people having a sex-only arrangement. 

Yet you know that part of this was your fault. You were stupid for ever thinking that this would ever be more than a casual relationship used to pass the time until the right one came around. Two lonely people who didn’t want to come home to an empty home or lay in a cold bed after the grimness of their jobs. And that thought alone hurts more than the slight pounding in your head and fatigue in your bones. 

“y/n?!

You frown upon hearing his voice, getting up and flushing the toilet before washing your hands. Shaking them off before wiping them on your shorts, you walk out to see Rafael setting the table up with takeout boxes, the centerpiece a purple vase full of purple and white flowers. 

“Hey, how are you feeling? I meant to leave a note but I figured I would be back before you woke up.”

“Sore.” You bite your lip to not say 'and heartbroken'.

“About last night, I, uh, I want to say I am sorry for what I said.” 

He pauses what he is doing, hands leaving the plastic bag of takeout. Looking over at you, the man who stares back at you is not a lawyer but instead reminds you of a teenage boy admitting for the first time he was wrong. 

“I shouldn't have told you that he was not good enough for you. I was out of line because I was jealous, but it is not my place to tell you who is and who is not good enough for you.”

You find your words- which you initially thought would be seething with red-hot anger- leave your mouth in a soft, more vulnerable tone. 

“I waited for you to say hi all night, I hoped you would ask me to dance.”

It’s your turn to pause as you close your eyes, blinking away tears that you refuse to let fall. Your arms find their way around your midsection as you hug yourself, rubbing your hands up and down to both warm and comfort yourself. 

“That ‘guy’ works narcotics and was showing me rings for his girlfriend of three years. He came to cheer me up because no one likes seeing a sad girl around the holidays. He didn’t say so, but he didn’t have to.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” 

His hand curls up into a fist, hitting his side softly as his face drops slightly. 

“I went to the bathroom to cool off. By the time I had gotten out of the bathroom to apologize, you were gone. I went to our place and you weren’t there. So I came here and couldn’t find you.

“Do you know how terrified I was when I found you passed out in the bathtub? My first thought was alcohol poisoning or an overdose and the thought of losing you… I couldn’t breathe.”

You flashback to last night and how you should have responded. You should have followed him and told him off for the audacity to say what he did to you, especially since he was the one who wanted this to be strictly casual. But your legs wouldn’t move towards him and carried you away from him. 

“It’s okay. I’ll be asking to be transferred to a different department after New Year's.”

“What?”

The warm tears prick at the corner of your eyes again, gathering until they spill over the water line when you blink. 

“Last night was the last straw, Rafael. As much as I love my job, seeing you at work- would slowly kill me. And you have such a good career ahead of you, and I don’t want to ruin that for you.”

“Please don’t.”

Your arms wrap around your midsection, squeezing your love handles softly. 

You pause, feeling your throat starting to close, tears on the edge of spilling over. And what started as sad tears is now tears of immense anger and frustration at the handsome man standing in front of you, in the jeans he knows make you feral, and the green sweater you bought him last winter. 

“I’m the one that should be sorry for thinking this would ever work beyond casual sex. I’m so stupid for acting like a couple behind closed doors for over a year now and not being able to even tell anyone or be called your girlfriend because you have some sort of commitment issue. And you know that I’m not- ”

In a few steps, your tangent is halted with a kiss. He grabs your face gently with one hand, the other firmly grasping the back of your head. 

You know he tastes the tears on your lips because the salty taste has hit your mouth. But he doesn’t seem to care as he pours all of his feelings into the kiss. It is enough to make you melt.

“Your favorite color f/c is, but you have developed a liking for o/f/c. You love the smell of f/s. You do this cute thing when you are focusing… you stick your tongue out, but you only do it in the apartment because you are too self-conscious about it around the squad. In your sleep, you snore and your foot always has to touch me.”

You bite your lip as he leans his forehead on yours, thumb swiping away tears before his fingers gently stroke your cheek. 

“You are more than just someone to hold at night, y/n. I think it would kill me if something ever happened to you, and I think about that every time I see you leave in the morning, and I thank God when you make it back into my arms at the end of the day. And I’m an idiot for not telling you sooner.”

He lets out a laugh as his hands move down to your back, rubbing up and down soothingly as tears spill from his own eyes. 

“Most of your wardrobe is in my closet, and let’s be honest, you should just sell your apartment and move in with me. I would have asked more eloquently if the situation was different.”

Now it is your turn to laugh. That makes him smile and he takes it as a sign that he can tug you against his chest. And he gently leans down, putting his face in the crook of your neck. 

You lean your head against him as he mumbles against your skin. And it feels natural to throw your arms around his neck, holding him in place. 

“Move in with me. I have your toothbrush, and I always stock your snack drawer by the couch.

“Besides, you are by far the smartest, most beautiful roommate I have ever had,” you let out a soft sigh as he places a kiss on your pulse point, “I love you. I have for months now. It’ll always be you, mi amour.”

The world stops spinning for a moment, and your heart rate picks up. Now it is your turn to pull his face up to yours and kiss him. And this time you pour all of your feelings into the kiss. 

“I love you too.”

“And I will call IAB myself and tell them about our relationship right now if that’s what it takes for you to be mine. And besides, I think Liv already knows and is just waiting for confirmation at this point.”

You grab the back of his neck, fingertips threading into the bottom of his hairline. With small scratches, he groans softly. You close your eyes, the weight in your chest having been lifted. 

“Go sit on the couch and find a movie. I’ll bring the food." He states, pulling away and shoving you lightly towards the couch, but not before adding a playful smack to your rear.

[thatotherman001]

hugga u

Thanks Anon 🫂

[guylet-456]

Stumbling bleeding grappling onto my sword guts spilled everywhere throwing up screaming etc

[the-moons-coffin]

I feel like every khr reread or rewatch is us being like "holy shit how did I not notice that. anyway here's a 10 page essay on why this makes tsuna's situation worse"

[moonlightblueandicegrey]

Sometimes i wonder if I'm more of an Ari boy or a Dante boy. I find them both very relatable for different reasons. I've been thinking about it for a while... I even asked my best friend about it...

Turns out that... In the end, i think I'm an Ari boy wanting to be a Dante boy.

[itsmargobaybee]

I wonder… have I been purely surviving for so long that I can no longer grasp the possibility to thrive?

[wrathyforest]

So.. tumblr speaking, can we suppose that our (current) Cheng Xiaoshi is a reblog of the original post (timeline) Cheng Xiaoshi (which was deleted), but continue to live as a post reblogged by Lu Guang 🤔🤔🤔

Like, everyone can see it through Lu Guang's reblog, but when you go to the original, it's nowhere to be found :D

I hate tumblr for doing this though...

[mangled-foxes]

DAY 26

Sun is pulling a rapunzel

[majorpatheticcas]

Them <3

Tac belongs to: @didderd

Cas belongs to Tac

(I apologize for all the tagging but this guy is too precious to be ignored especially when I'm gonna be absent for a few weeks cuz of school lol��🤍)

[siopiana]

have a few questions going in my mind;

so maybe in the other timeline, win & tonkla wasn't fucking eo lol ???????

WHAT IS REAL WHAT IS NOT i am thinking the Real thing or present timeline happening is the scene before the intros

WHO KILLED THE CAT lol i am sorry im judging tonkla way too hard (but what we know is that his father was abusive)

is fasai and korn fiancé thingy is formed by an arranged marriage (it should be!!) i still want to know what tonkla's reaction is on fasai

[kaanagen]

"I need to know you're there, I need you to tell me that my life was worth while and I need you to tell me that you love me"

"No, I'm not gonna tell you that unless you fight"

Yeah no I'm fine and yeah ofc they're straight men with a super healthy relationship- wait- they run away together at the end to live the best life for the next five months before the other dies from his terminal cancer? Yeah no I'm not okay, they're the best toxic yaoi.

[kennaskorner]

I'm so used to appreciating kylian, trent, etc more puppy dog doe eyes and then I opened pintrest before bed to bring some joy to my mental after messing up and watching smile 2 just to see this. Yes, I had a nightmare with those serial killer eyes staring at me in a dark hallway. And yes, I woke up and thought I would've rather seen rudiger in the hallway. Now every picture I see of Araujo I hesitate to appreciate the eye candy he and his build is because I'm focused on the darkness in his eyes. And now in my daydreaming smut mindset I'm like if he and a female character are being intimate and there's a choke kink and she looks up and sees these looks in his eyes I wonder if she's thinking does he know it's meant to be a his hand around her throat is supposed to bring pleasure and not a criminal charge.

[toritimexo]

I don't usually use tumblr all that much, but for the last few days i've been going deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole that is analyzing S7E3 of Rick and Morty, so yo girl's here to talk about it (mostly about Rick and Unity).

In S7E3 of Rick and Morty 'Air Force Wong' Unity assimilates the entire state of Virginia with the argument that it is worried for Rick's well being.

however, what pissed me off is when Dr.Wong sided with Unity: "Alright, I'm gonna commit a cardinal sin in couple's therapy here, but Rick, i think you're wrong." I do not understand this in the slightest. Sure, Rick ghosted Unity, but in his defense, he was dumped which took a toll on him, leading up to him attempting suicide, so of course he wouldn't want it around him, and that's understandable.

Unity broke a boundary, invaded Rick's home planet, home country with the only excuse that it was worried for him. Rick had every right to stop talking to it, however Dr.Wong did NOT have the whole story and she shouldn't have butted in. This we could partially blame Rick, because he did not fill Dr.Wong in fully before having that conversation, which HE requested for her to be a part of in the first place.

"You controlling things is the explanation, and we agreed you wouldn't do it where i work." This is yet another solid proof on how Unity broke Rick's boundaries, this probably being something they agreed on in the past. In some situations, boundaries CAN be broken if it's an intervention or emergency, this, in my humble opinion, WAS NOT an emergency.

"You had an outer space lady who was worried for your life and your response was hostile enough to cause a huge problem." I hate everything about this. This is borderline hypocritical, considering that Unity did something just as drastic if not MORE drastic, yet Rick is the one taking all the flame for it, for not wanting it around him. So, basically, he was being flamed for putting up a boundary (not in a very appropriate way, but it's a big deal for him to do it in the first place). Unity is at fault for making Rick react the way he did, which in my opinion, wasn't as drastic as Dr.Wong makes it out to be. His hostile reaction was understandable, to the drastic measure Unity has enforced. It did not need to go through all that trouble just to try to contact Rick, when clearly he did not want want it to.

Another thing i noticed is when Unity finished releasing everyone, how the tables have turned from:

u:"Do you not trust me, Rick?" r:"I don't trust you."

to..

r:"I trust you now." u:"That's nice, but i don't trust you."

This is honestly something i only noticed as i was writing this, and it hits HARD. As much as Unity is biased for not trusting Rick, so was he when he didn't trust it. They both have very valid points as to why not to trust one another.

So, to conclude this very first, EXTREMELY MESSY post, Unity should've dialed it back a couple of notches, Rick should've been more open about his part with it, and Wong should've stayed in her place. Both Rick and Unity have a lot of things to unpack, and until either of them are willing to sit down and talk, they'll never be able to work it out.

Thank you for humoring me :D

[mssishipi]

jayke weverse live make me feel things...

[followfire]

thought I was going to write for two specific fics for Jarch when I suddenly remembered another WIP!! And that WIP was on hold because it started because I had a paragraph in mind and ended up taking notes on a lot of stuff except for this paragraph because in reality I thought about it because I have a ProblemTM with it, but yesterday right before sleeping I suddenly got over it and found a way to write about it without going too deep into the ProblemTM so now I'm unexpectedly working on this fic! Do we think I can actually manage to write and publish something by tomorrow?? No, we don't what the hell