#NHL2023

[luckyvar]

My predictions of the 2023 NHL Playoffs (based off my old NHL 18 game)

[oeldeservesthenorris]

“People pay to see me play”

“My oldest brother is a wet cat and my next oldest is a pathological narcissist. My therapist says I’m working through it though…..”

[tanevcolton28]

Wooooooooof daaaaaddy

[luckyvar]

So I know none of these people I know care about hockey but I just wanna bring up a player.

So Phil Kessel is a player from the Vegas Golden Knights. Pittsburgh sent him there on a trade last or current season, idk.

But you know how people say that they can’t see [insert traded veteran player] playing for any other team?

I think I will have to agree with them because…

Look at this man!

He looks like he belongs in Pittsburgh. A Yinzer maybe. If you ever asked somebody what someone from Pittsburgh would look like, this is probably what they would imagine.

No offense to Kessel but he does look like a Pittsburgh native, drinking beers while watching a Steelers game.

But now he’s in Vegas, I’m just imagining a 40 year old divorce spending the high life in Las Vegas.

[oeldeservesthenorris]

So absolutely dead chuffed for this Amazon NHL documentary with a feature on Quinny. I hope with every fiber of my being they film this summer as well so it will all just end up being 5 hours of Quinn giving Trevor Zegras the evil eye and making passive aggressive backhanded insults to him, Jack yelling "WAS I IN THE SHOT? NO BUT DID YOU GET ME IN IT?? I FEEL LIKE THE PEOPLE REALLY WANT TO SEE ME IN THIS" and Luke power eating Skittles while crying on the phone to his therapist in the corner.

This will be EPIC.

[oeldeservesthenorris]

Ok no but hear me out - you know who else has not only coached all 3 Hughes brothers but ALSO changed their nappies AND has no history of problematic, abusive behavior toward players and also just happens to be available RIGHT NOW, never mind in the "interim", as coach of the New Jersey Devils?

Yes.

[oeldeservesthenorris]

If the NHL really wasn't built entirely by our lord and savior Ellen Hughes then explain the utter domination by the Hughes brothers, my love.

[oeldeservesthenorris]

The streets are saying there are really people out here NOT loving noted queer ally Quinn Hughes? Cannot compute.

[oeldeservesthenorris]

I love that their toxic sibling dysfunction is being curated for our viewing pleasure . Bless The Mature One and the Eternal Child Dynamic.

[oeldeservesthenorris]

Big ups to Matthew Tkachuk, who - despite being ready to head into an intense playoff battle with a cross state rival - saw his brother and sister-in-law's baby news decided NOW is the perfect time to steal the ol'thunder right out from under them and honestly I am so impressed.

This is the kind ofJack Hughes-ish attention whoreing move to keep it all on him and not his sibling(s) that I am so here for.

*Chef's kiss, Chucky. Chef's kiss.

[oeldeservesthenorris]

Just a reminder that Roman Josi is a fucking KING. I will tolerate no Roman Josi slander. EVER.

[oeldeservesthenorris]

Nature is healing.

[oeldeservesthenorris]

The hair flip. It is a knife in my heart.